#pov you explode like a nuke

[technicalknockout]

thinking about how cut off tko is from forming even a vaguely normal relationship with people

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 81 Mistrust Posting

Hello, dear void! LET'S! GO! ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

Big spoiler this week in the editor's notes so the post is continued under the cut!

Editor's notes: First Page: 神奈備職員が"松"の妖術で爆散！！[Kamunabi shokuin ga "matsu" no youjutsu de bakusan!!] "Kamunabi employees are exploding due to the 'pine tree' sorcery!!" Last Page: 死んだハズの漆羽！一体ナゼ？！[shinda hazu no Uruha! ittai naze?!] "Uruha was supposed to be dead! What the heck?!"

Hakuri, Alone

Poor guy...

He hypes himself up but he's so shaky. My poor little guy who's been through so much but keeps trying his best. Hakuri, I love you. He's not in a great mental state but he keeps going.

It's really obvious now how out of his element he is- he's not used to any of this except the beat-downs and not being able to trust people. How to fight, how to keep himself stable when everything's riding on him, having people sacrifice themselves for him... he can keep going, and he will, but man he really could use an ally right now. Especially since his sorcery is seriously limited after he overexerted himself. Only two Isou blasts and he's out.

I'm glad we have his PoV and that he's the fourth thing the Kamunabi needs to protect at all costs. He's important! Hopefully he'll start to learn to see himself that way without more people needing to die for him.

Why is he the fourth thing? Well, because of the framing.

Note the Sword Master being chained to a spike like a dangerous wild animal...

Izaru (a name at last!) here's listing off the most critical things the Kamunabi needs to protect. The first three are expected: you need security to protect the other two, which we know by now are absolutely essential to keep out of the Hishaku's hands. The fourth? Well, it's the guy sprinting in the next panel whose sorcery is essential to thwarting the Hishaku by isolating the second critical item.

Speaking of names, though...

ManBearPig and Mr. Many Islands

He's Mutton Chops no more. Hello, Izaru (亥猿)! 亥 [i] is the kanji for the Boar from the Chinese Zodiac, and 猿 [zaru] is... the character for monkey. Or an insult for a sly person/hick. Hmm. He's definitely not a traitor still in my mind, since he's the guy with the most obvious faith in the institution. He's like an old bureaucrat who believes in the mission and the power it gives him. I'll leave the interpretation of his name up to anyone who happens to read this.

Izaru's kind of an asshole but he's an asshole who knows his shit and gets stuff done. I feel like he's going to be a thorn in Team Goldfish's side but not because he's evil, he's just got his own ideals. Looking forward to seeing more of him.

Right through the heart, damn.

As for Kashima (加島), his name's pretty generic. 加 [ka]: add, augment, increase and 島 [shima]: island. I sincerely doubt this links him to the small island country that got nuked by the Sword Master; it's just a common last name. He was a good guy though so rest in peace. Another person to add to Hakuri's trauma pile of decent folks who have died via a slash to the neck (at least this time it wasn't a suicide). Can we stop killing people in front of Hakuri? Please?

I do wonder how he's going to make it out of this. He really needs a strong friend to help protect and reassure him, but he's alone. Anyone could be an enemy- willingly or not. Chihiro's busy in Kyoto and can't be summoned right now, Azami's busy, Kudou's dead, Izaru's commanding things from the barrier room, the rest of the leaders are MIA. Who can help him reach the Shinuchi safely?

Well.

It's been teased for months over dozens of chapters since he was killed. His status was in doubt: Shiba couldn't find information, Chihiro outright refused to believe it, even the Masumi were unsure. Samura was revealed to have the power to heal on top of being a tortured soul that just wants to save people. The mysteries of how the bond to an Enchanted Blade affects the bearer over a long period of time are still unknown. And so, at long last:

HE'S BACK, Y'ALL

Cry for both of us, Hakuri!

WELCOME BACK, URUHA! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU! Seriously, the platonic duo of Hakuri and Uruha was one of my favourites and I hope we get to see a ton of them from here on.

The theory of Samura wanting to break the other Bearer's bonds to their blades through death then killing the Sword Master has increased validity now, in my opinion. It was stated that Suzaku can't actually reverse death -and Chihiro and Uruha were both confirmed dead- but it was also noted that Samura has gotten insanely strong since the war ended 18 years ago. He might be able to do it now. Kill his former comrades-in-arms to spare them from all going down when he kills the Master, except himself. He's got all that damn guilt... Chihiro, I hope you can snap Samura out of his grief before Iori becomes the newest orphan in the series.

Check out Uruha's outfit though! It's got elements reminiscent of the Steam Squad's uniforms- especially Fushimi's- added to it!

It's him, it's really him!

The new buckles on the collar are like Fushimi's (which he left undone), plus the pants and footwear are more similar to the squad's now. Congratulations, FushiUru shippers. Not only did Uruha come back but he got a wardrobe update that plausibly calls back to his dead (boy)friend.

It's a bit obvious after all the emphasis this chapter on how alone Hakuri is, but it's still nice to see the callbacks so we know this Uruha is the real deal. Even if someone else was able to replicate that bonkers sword style, only the real Uruha would know about the "centipede" moment on the train. So there's zero doubts and Hakuri has a strong ally to help him get to the Shinuchi! I'm not worrying about why Hakuri's being used as bait to lure out the core forces, nor what will happen to him if he successfully puts the Shinuchi into his storehouse, or what his deep desire to be useful will lead him to do. I'm just elated that he's got Uruha at his side. I will take a week of joy before we start to slide back down into anxiety.

I said in my chapter 47 and 48 yapfests that Uruha was the one set up to help Hakuri realise his own worth so now I can't wait to see how it happens. Uruha backstory, please? Scenes of the older silly guy teaching the younger silly guy? Honestly I just want to see them interact! Hakuri's total lack of self-awareness and both of their ridiculous behaviour tendencies are something I need a lot more of in my life.

I deeply wish to know exactly what happened with Uruha so if we cut back to Chihiro or Azami next chapter I'll be in mild distress. Not a lot since I love both of those characters and want updates on them too, but some.

Traitors

Pretty sure this is the girl and the blond guy were in the group panel shown last chapter.

Not really a surprise that there are members of the Kamunabi who are willing to betray their allies. The Hishaku are quite persuasive and I know the Kamunabi's got skeletons in their closet even if we don't know their exact shape yet. We still don't know which of the four who helped Kunishige hide leaked information yet, though. We need to know who the people in this top panel report to, I think, to get the full picture:

Which of you will become a foe?

I wonder where Hagiwara's loyalties lie now. Obliterating the Hishaku? Doing whatever it takes to stop the usage of Enchanted Blades? And hey, uh, where's Kazane in all this?

There's more than just two people out there killing their former allies, with a quota per team, per area too. So this was meticulously planned by someone with authority most likely. The traitor subplot is unfolding at just the right pace to keep me interested without feeling drug out or rushed. New details are revealed when they're needed and not too much or too little at once- the structure of this one is much, much better than the Hotel. I think we're on the up and up for the rest of this arc since the Hiruhiko sideshow is definitively over for now.

Some Accounting

Completely unrelated, Hakuri's just super cute.

Alright. Just for my own tracking:

KYOTO Chihiro vs. Samura set up at the hotel; Enten and Tobimune in use, Kumeyuri present but still bonded to Hiruhiko Iori, Ikura, all three Masumi on the hotel roof Hiruhiko, Toto, Kuguri on the retreat somewhere in Kyoto

TOKYO Azami vs. Samuraishaku set up in an arena with live music on the first floor of the Kamunabi HQ Hakuri and Uruha on the way to the Shinuchi several floors below Izaru with the barrier team Kudou dead in the elevator shaft, his team was wiped out too Unknown number of traitors eliminating other Kamunabi staff as part of a plan About 50 pine tree "bomb" carriers left Ichiki, Beard, Hairclips, Eyepatch, Earlobes, Giraffe Neck unknown Hatshaku managing hostage situation from outside Kamunabi HQ Yura, Jane, Derek, and other two core members unknown Two unnamed blades unknown

ELSEWHERE Shiba and Hiyuki guarding the two Bearers we haven't met yet

That's all I've got for now. Revel in the joy of Uruha being back until next week, kind void!

[luigra]

Why the nuke ending was good and important for the story, and why it was NOT retconned: an important essay

So, I& assume that most people here have only really watched DSMP through Tommy's POV. Maybe a few other of the most popular POVs. Even more people have just... straight up never watched the actual streams and got all their info off of social media. I& get it, I& can't blame you. But because of that you all have missed out on the absolutely crucial reasoning for why the nuke ending needed to be Like That.

I& will try to sum up Jack Manifold's lore here real quick, but I& can't ever do it justice in a text post, so I& implore you all to watch at least one or two of his lore streams, preferably the one in which he exploded the hotel and his POV of the finale, those are the two best ones lore-wise, and he re-explains his motivations quite frequently.

The biggest thing with his character is that he has always been forgotten about. Treated as a side character to the "main protagonist". He was never noticed, his three deaths were completely ignored, and no matter what he would do, people would always look past him to focus on whatever the big plot was. In his own words, he tried to kill Tommy and he didn't even care.

As the result of this mistreatment, literally having everything taken away from him - his home, his friends, his lives - he tries to find the root of it all, and comes to the conclusion that Tommy is to blame for it all, because he was his friend once but is now the cause of the server fighting all the time.

All of this is to say, he is an important narrative foil to Tommy - where Tommy struggles with just wanting to move past Exile and his trauma, Jack instead clings to everything that hurt him and just wishes to be noticed. He wants his pain to be acknowledged, and in doing so he spirals further and further into self destruction. He burns down Manifoldland. He blows up the hotel.

And finally, he blows up the world.

It was his desperate cry to be seen, a natural conclusion to his mental issues that everybody just ignored. But now, they couldn't ignore him anymore. They physically COULDN'T. And THAT, is why the ending is so brilliant. Because throughout all the trials and tribulations, Jack finally gets what he always wanted. He finally gets to kill Tommy the way he wanted to kill him, and at last, nobody can ignore him, this forgotten and abandoned kid that just tries to make things right, Jack Manifold.

BUT HE ISN'T ACTUALLY HAPPY ABOUT TOMMY DYING. IN HIS LAST MINUTE, HE REALIZES THAT HE'S BEEN MISGUIDED ALL ALONG AND WITH TUBBO'S HELP HE REALIZES THAT ALL HE REALLY WANTED WAS FOR HIS FRIENDS TO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT HIM AGAIN.

SO HE TRIES TO SAVE HIS FRIEND AND LITERALLY GOES INTO LAVA TO TRY AND REACH HIM (THE SAME LAVA THAT TOMMY THREW HIM IN AND KILLED HIM WITH)

BUT IT'S TOO LATE.

IT'S PURE FUCKING CINEMA.

IT'S THE MOST TRAGIC ENDING EVER. IT'S THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY TO HAVE ENDED THE SERIES, WITH AN UNDERDOG WHOM EVERYBODY IGNORED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, FINALLY GETTING HIS LAST SPOTLIGHT. FINALLY HAVING A SMIDGE OF HOPE THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE MIGHT CARE ABOUT HIM IF HE JUST TRIES AGAIN.

So what does that mean for the latest new stream? It means that Jack finally got his closure and got to talk to Tommy. And he learnt how to move on. He doesn't center his life around him anymore.

But he does wish for Tommy to be happy. Even if he himself can't, even if he's still stuck gambling and addicted and all alone with no one by his side, he finally moved on from Tommy. He finally planted Manishroom in the ruins of his burnt down house.

And the fact of the matter is, this has been streamed from Jack's POV. And now, this is his story. Let him have this. The fact that his actions left an impact is important.

Let us, the manifolders, have this. Please. The nuke ending was never about Tommy or Dream or whatever. It was always about Jack.

[huskynotwolf]

Convexian Hitman AU

Part 1 I guess

AU by @tibbycaps/ @tibby-art

Written by @thecrazyhusky

(I mixed in dsmp, it’s more fun with those swearing idiots :D )

Mission: Find and destroy target’s weapon supply (target’s name is Tubbo and Jack Manifold)

Cub’s PoV

“I want you to destroy his weapons.” Doc looked at us, dead serious.

We (me and Scar) were in the NHO’s conference room, listening to Bdubs rant about this new case we had to deal with. Scar had already yawned at least two times and I had grabbed every single one of their cans of carbonated drinks or whatever at the table and shook them so hard they looked like ticking bombs. Etho was also eyeing us with much suspicion, and I suspected he was up to something.

“All of them?” I asked.

“All of them.” The goat-creeper confirmed. “He was some sort of former president of a country. He’s got some ass-load of explosives. Specifically, bombs. Lots of those.”

“Ah.” Scar smiled. “Big boom.”

“Really?” I looked at him.

“And here are the conditions, since you three are definitely gonna loophole out of this.” Doc growled.

“You have to get this done by this week, which is three days. No eating anyone, and I mean anyone. You find those explosives, disable them, then leave. Nothing else. I don’t want those Snowchester people come fighting with nukes.”

I raised an eyebrow. “They got nukes?”

Scar sniggered. I kicked him.

Doc glared at my fellow Vex. “And bring Grian. He’ll be of use.”

“Grian? You sure?” I asked.

“Yes.” Doc grunted. “And you better get the job done. Go. Now.” He said.

I nodded, grabbed Scar’s wrist and dragged him out of the conference room, heading down to Grian’s “office”, while hearing Bdubs and Beef screech loudly along to the sounds of soda exploding. I allowed myself a slight smile.

“Dang it. Should’ve rigged ‘em better.” I said.

Scar gave me a look. “Don’t tell me you shook all of them.”

“I did. But I could’ve just fitted them with grenades instead.” I replied, taking a left turn down the hallway.

We found her studying a file about Tubbo.

“Hey.” She greeted us, not looking up.

“Hiya. You ready?” I asked.

Since Grian has her Watcher powers, she could technically see us coming, so I assumed she was already prepared.

“Let’s just go. Tango yelled at me earlier. I want to get out of here as soon as possible.” She stood up, then walked towards us.

“Tango? Why?” Scar asked.

“None of your concern.” She shrugged.

We headed out the door, taking the lift down, then exiting the building. As soon as we stepped out, Grian winced.

“You okay?” I asked her.

“Y-yeah,” she replied. “It’s just…overwhelming.”

“Hmm.” I shot a glance at Scar. “Scar, you got the map? Coords, at least?”

“Ask the all-seeing.” He pointed at Grian. Grian made a low growling sound.

“Wow, I though you prepped.” She muttered under her breath.

“Yes, I have the map. It’s in my head.” She raised her voice.

“Great!” Scar smiled. “Let’s go, then.”

I leaned closer to Grian. “You okay, dude?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything’s…” she exhaled. “Alright.”

“Good.” I said, then secretly kicked Scar. The man glared at me but I didn’t reply.

“Let’s go.”

***

“We gonna take a subway. Then a cross-country train. Then another high-speed railroad.” I said, laying down a drawn map.

“Snowchester’s all the way out there, so we probably need to either stop to eat on the way, or we have to bring food.” I rolled up the map and shoved it in my pack.

Scar rolled his eyes. “You’re concerned about eating?”

“Grian needs to eat as well.” I hissed.

I had shoved the three of us into a Seven Eleven’s, where my reason was, “we need substance.”

Grian nudged Scar. “Here’s the thing, bud. We don’t have money. How-“

I waved a five dollar bill I snatched from someone. “Steal.”

“Did you get his whole wallet?” Scar asked, his eyes glinting mischievously.

I gave a low chuckle. “Duh I did.” I held out the stolen wallet. Scar sniggered. “This guy’s got a hundred and fifty.”

Grian gave us a look of annoyance and frustration. “You know it’s illegal to steal, right?”

Scar materialised behind her, making her jump. “Nah. It’s fine.”

Grian narrowed his eyes at him but didn’t snap back a comment.

I handed Scar about thirty dollars worth of bills. “Grian, you can go with Scar to buy food.” She shot me a dirty look, got up and disappeared behind the aisles with the Vex.

I took out twenty and nabbed a sandwich and two bottles of water, in which to avoid getting yelled at by Grian, I payed for it instead of stealing it.

Though I will admit I stole a can of Sprite.

Yeah. Maybe.

Grian bought coffee and milk tea (where did she find that?) and Scar bought a bun and bottled Cola, though I could tell he didn’t intend to drink it, he’s just gonna prank me with it.

As we left that store, I searched for enough money to get us to the subway station. Six dollars to get in, then they needed eighteen. I decided not to give them the coins and bills yet, as Scar had a tendency to lose things.

Very, very often.

We headed to the subway station, while Grian kept cautiously looking around for signs of danger. However, despite this, Scar seemed extremely carefree.

“G, man, there’s nothing to worry ‘bout. It’s not like someone would just suddenly drop down and try and kill us, right?” He said to no one in particular.

“Don’t jinx it.” She huffed. “I see something. Though I can’t pinpoint where it is.”

I approached the subway tunnel, with the two nitwits trailing behind. “Yeah, something’s definitely wrong. I can feel it.”

I stepped down the stair, then halted when something whizzed past me and embedded itself into the wall with a thunk.

“Honestly, Foolish, how bad can your aim be!” I heard a yell. The three of us swivelled our heads towards the noise, and standing on the side of the street, armed with crossbows, were two deranged-looking people. At least that’s what the first word that came to my head when I saw them.

The one who shot the projectile, Foolish, looked suspiciously like a totem of undying, and it made me question whenever he’s an actual totem or not. His friend was a girl who wore dark sunglasses and had long streaks of hair running down both sides of her head. What she wore screamed pirate in every way.

Grian sighed. “Scar, you jinxed it.”

Scar glared at her. “No I didn’t!”

I slapped Scar before he could argue any further and hissed, “don’t make the situation worse, dumbass!” and marched towards the pair with crossbows. Scar gave me an offended look but I knew he was playing around for fun.

“What do you want?” I demanded.

Foolish looked at me. “You don’t have the authority to order me around.” He said.

“You just tried to kill me. Are you hitmen?” I snapped.

His friend glared at me. “You were trying to destroy our military.”

Grian and Scar came up from behind. “What do you know about that?” Grian challenged.

“I know for a fact that you were sent to destroy our nukes. We’re from Snowchester, mind you.” The girl growled.

Grian suddenly looked like he was lost in thought. Scar stared at her, then shook her to try snap her out of her trance, but did nothing except from earning a well-deserved smack in the face by her.

“Well, we don’t really care about who sent you. This is about our country’s safety. You back off, or we’ll make you.” Sunglasses Girl said, raising her crossbow.

I processed her words, then turned to Scar. “Wait, if we die, is our contract technically broken?”

He paused. “Wait…you know what? You’re right! We can just let ‘em kill us!”

“But do we like, reincarnate or something? What do you think we’d be-“

Sunglasses Girl facepalmed. “No-that’s not what I meant! I don’t want anyone dead!”

Foolish nudged her. “Whatever, Puffy. They’re not part of our nation.”

Grian shook her head. “You have your own problems. Deal with whoever the fuck Dream is first, then come back and kill us. Besides, Tubbo is a literal threat to society.” She said. “You shouldn’t be listening to that menace.”

Puffy, aka Sunglasses Girl, looked promptly taken aback by Grian’s comment. “How do you know about Dream?”

“Can we take this conversation somewhere else? We’re attracting quite a lot of unwanted attention.” Grian interrupted. “One dude who passed by thought you were a terrorist.”

Foolish and Puffy took a while to discuss, and as soon as they took their eyes off the us and Grian, I took out the stolen can of Sprite, shook it hard, opened it (but barely) then yeeted it at Foolish. It landed on the ground and the entire can burst like a grenade, spewing soda everywhere.

We bolted for it, making a beeline for the subway station, with Scar mainly being dragged all the way. By the time the pair from Snowchester realised what’s happening, we were already down the subway and had managed to get into the train already.

“Ok, that was…awkward.” Grian panted, slightly out of breath.

I grunted. “Whatever. You shouldn’t have told them about your powers.”

She shook her head. “I…sorry.” She muttered.

“Eh. We could go back and kill them both.” I shrugged.

Scar nodded. “Actually, yeah. I would love to do that.”

Grian paled. “No you don’t!” She cried. “Why must you always kill people left and right?”

Both of us Vexes turned their piercing gaze at her. She immediately shut up and sank into the seat.

“Can I kill Tubbo?” Scar asked.

“No,” Grian and I said almost simultaneously. I gave her a look but she said nothing.

“Aww.” He huffed. “I’m bored.”

“You won’t be when we reach the border.” Grian said.

“What?” I asked. “Are you talking about…the border between the city and Greater Dream SMP or whatever that place is called?”

She nodded. “You know we don’t have our IDs or passports. It’s gonna be a wild chase with the border guards there.”

“Ooo, what do they do?” Scat asked.

Grian groaned. “They would chase you down on horses and they never stop. Literally, they could hunt you continuously for days without stopping.”

“Sounds fun,” Scar said.

Grian bit her lip to prevent herself from snapping back at him.

I looked at her. “Listen, if you know about the border guards, do you think we can get past them?”

She nodded. “You can get past them, but it’s gonna be hard.”

I gave both of them a wide smile. “Alright. We have two hitmen on our trail, we don’t have IDs of any sort and we’re about to be chased down by a few border guards. What’s the worse that could happen?”

To be continued

(I did it on another platform and then tried to paste it on Tumblr but ended up with so much lag I can’t even type properly lol)

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

Result from the Google Form (part 2/x)

Parasitical

Very interesting premise! You’re a cultist living in a behemoth’s carcass managing the fine line of living day-to-day and the unease of a commune straining under the seemingly all-seeing authority that governs it. And then certain characters arrive to explode that fine line into smithereens (naturally). Unfortunately this is how I found out author nuked their tumblr :( but the demo is still on

Lost Lambs

Murder-mystery whodunit but from the POV of the killer. You’re gearing up to join an Agatha Christie-like ensemble of cast, but before that: kill, learn about your past, and customize your skills and covers. Meet your partner in murder. UNFORTUNATELY INACTIVE but its Fun give it some love (and the author also!)

God-Cursed

Writing it has brought some much-needed light into my life, and I'd quite like to share that with others.

Fervency

Well first off, the creator is a mutual, so I have to rep. But also it's a (light) horror IF where you're turned into a monster and now have to contend with a strange hunger for flesh or blood while attending a masquerade. And there's bisexual vampires, and the only RO I've ever fallen for. :)

Stay?

yummy flavor text, so many posibilities, so many outcomes, time loops, too many of them, can you save them all? Its intriguing to connect the dots on each time loop, fascinating. You can even marry the RO! till death do us apart

One Knight Stand

Insane amount of choices that have big impact on the game!! Super fun and has a really compelling story.

[wildflowerteas]

andddd part 3.

AAANNNND Part III. I'm pretty sure you all are asleep by now ( as you should be ) so please enjoy scrolling through these like the morning paper in the AM.

"Atsushi smiles, reaching with a gentle hand. He places it on Akutagawa’s arm, stealing his attention back, not even realizing how much of it he is already afforded." <- UUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *EXPLODES*

LMFAOOOO the Ellen transition. Nyxi is right on the money with it. It had to be jarring because I needed it to have the same affect on the reader as it would on Atsushi in the moment. One moment you know whose pov you're in, what year, what location--the next, you're not so sure.

"Gender reveal party its a murder"!!!!!!!!

Oh that sneaking backstage bit. No one has mentioned it yet, but SKK go from Alleyway behind the Double Black -> Behind the Curtains backstage of the Double Black -> Dancing onstage at the Double Black ( that means something but i won't elaborate ) <- out into the light, but more and more alone.

The Risk of Getting caught . . . Sorry.

"Stand up comedy career if the legal industry doesn't work out" 😭 I'm actually going into psychopathology! Imagine your psychiatrist cracking jokes while they're marking off boxes in the DSM diagnostic checklist I'd kill myself mid-session. I did spend a lot of time when I still wanted to do law making jokes during mock trial ( and got in trouble for it a lot ). This is so embarrassing my author's notes are a mess i should nuke them all.

[lensman-arms-race]

I really like your whole skibidi moon theory!!! I loved the thing of the other species sending chameleon machines to Earth to help the humans, so here's some little extras I thought of:

•The whole reason their appearence adapted to earths hardware was to be a sort of comfort to the remaining humans. If you seen war machines from a foreign planet walking around, you'd think their trying to obliterate you too. If they're hardware heads you recognise, you'd feel like it's some sort of secret weapon the governments have deployed, so it feels more like their on your side

•The machines were split into 3 different tiers of power, their numbers dwindling the more powerful they were hence Cameras only defense being their own hands since their heads have no attack capability, Speakers then having noise to propel themself and toilets etc, and TV's having their whole OP screen thingy. This was due to expense costs as the species would rather keep most their money to keep their countries running rather than blow it all on big machines for the earthlings. Only a small amount of money was needed to deploy the alliance as having a hardware head walking around and running errands for you would've been something even a bottom-class could afford in the other planet.

•The Girls were special elites for each species, and were given female features to differentiate between the others.

•The Speakermen were given a small bit of extra coding in whatever AI system they run upon that makes them seek out songs from humanity that the AI rates as Reassuring and Comforting, etc for Morale purposes. For their main song, they of course chose EWTRTW as we know.

•The TV's are the only ones aware of the Tier Hierarchy and know their at the top, and they keep it a secret from the other alliance members to prevent discourse between the Factions. They back out of losing battles since they know they have small numbers compared to the other species and don't want to lose ANYONE.

•Poly is the only large TV because making more combat TV's was too expensive.

•The less sentient machines such as the striders and flying speakers were used as weapons to protect the alliance while they adapted to their new planet. The few that managed to stay intact are seen in the series

•The Titans were such good defense that they were commonly used as war machines in the planet that sent them, and their numbers are in the thousands on there, so they took what was regarded as 3 rookie titans on the planet and shipped them alongside their lessers to Earth, where their now regarded by humans and basic hardware heads as super powerful.

•For a self destruct plan incase humanity fully died out and the alliance was about to lose, they sent a couple of large speakers and cameras to the middle of Antartica with a Nuke about 5x more powerful than the Tsar Bomba and about the size of a modern day phone (technology wouldve been VERY advanced). There's a couple agents in the mainland that know of them and can send a signal if shit hits the fan, in which case they detonate the nuke and Antartica completely fucking melts. The Tsunami and rising water levels produced swallow all the land and the nearly already dead hardware heads perish alongside the Skibidis.

•If the humans were forever gone but the Toilets were eradicated by the Alliance, the planet would say "Welp, our only purpose of sending machines there failed" so they'd fly some colonists there and ship the hardwares back so they can piece back what happened from the POV cams and repurpose and honor the now highly experienced titans. Then, Earth became one of their territories

Sorry for exploding your askbox!!

...This is absolute brilliance, thank you for sharing! Ha, this is pretty much an AU now.

[treason-and-plot]

BELATED REPLIES

@dandylion240

Wow Roy! Just wow! He has very low people reading skills when he wants something. He's like a steamroller charging full steam ahead flattening everything in his way. I don't think Anya is onboard with this idea. I think he should have at least waited until after he'd dicussed it with Violet and Sonya.

The steamroller analogy is perfect for how Roy operates! Once he wants, or thinks he is entitled to something, it's very difficult for him to take no for an answer. He also tends to have tunnel vision and it's hard for him to see others' POV. And he definitely wouldn't think he has any reason to discuss it with Sonia or Violet bc it's his house, dammit!

@batsheba

Jeeze Roy, seriously!? Anyone thinking this is a good idea should get their head examined. I hope the proposal is sex and not the other kind otherwise I think Anya's head may start exploding...

I suppose the proposal is sex from Roy's POV...now he's got Anya away from her family and set up in their own little love nest!

@windermeresimblr

This is not going to make Sonia get better. This would probably kill her from shock. Run away, Anya, run away!

@justanothersimsblog

Can't wait for Anya to tell *this* to her parents lol

@sweetnovember77

Apparently, everyone has the power to create their reality through manifestation. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Hopefully, everything goes according to Roy’s plan. 😂

I think that if anyone has the ability to make this scheme a reality, Roy does! He has an unshakeable faith in himself and fully believes himself capable of achieving anything he sets out to do. Roy approaches life with the expectation that he can solve any problem that arises and overcome any obstacle that's put in his way and if he can't...well, that's great too because he can turn it into a learning experience!

@kscriba

I know Anya is open-minded and easy-going, but I'd be running SO fast and far!!

It's difficult for me to say what I'd do...Hell, who am I kidding! It wouldn't be hard at all!

@zosa95

Roy has lost his damn mind. Why stop there, Roy? Move in Anya's parents while you're at it.

@wannabecatwriter

If this doesn't turn her off him, I don't know what else will.

@nectar-cellar

@zosa95 😂😂😭

@brannewjoint

oh wow i knew Roy was missing a couple screws but i think he's lost the whole damn toolbox lmaoo. this is a wild idea 💀

@curmudgeonness

Thinking is far from Roy's strong suit!

@parystrange

I don't even want to facepalm or headdesk. I'd probably knock myself out. Jeez Roy... you're so fucking dumb sometimes.

@shadysentinel

ROY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING

@muses-circle

Anya, welcome to Roy's World. It is bonkers. You might want to consider running 🤣 Roy, dude. You might be surprised to find Anya not as amenable to your next proposal as you think, not after the big damn nuke you just dropped. Geeeeeez.

@lilsisterg

😵‍💫🙃🤭Does he even want Sonia to get well?

@pixelatedpanic

Yeowch! Roy has big entitled man energy, very happy to talk the women in his life into whatever is most convenient for him. 🙄

'Entitled' is quite complimentary compared to some of the other things people have called him!

@queeniecook

He's actually put a lot of thought into this, maybe not all the correct thought. lol.

That's a very diplomatic way of looking at it! But as far as Roy is concerned, if he wants something, he will go after it with everything he's got and won't let anything stand in his way. Which is a) Admirable b) Crazy or c) Entitled depending on whom you talk to ;=). I personally tend to have a quite a bit of admiration for people who can focus so singlemindedly their goals, but at the same time Roy's tunnel-vision and selfishness can be pretty toxic.

@mysimsloveaffair

Roy has officially lost it. Sonia will never get better with this type of madness going on.

I'm hoping that some sanity can prevail once Sonia is well enough to share her thoughts on the proposal, otherwise things could get very nasty indeed. And yes, Sonia's health must take priority here, something which Roy seems to have completely overlooked!

@whyhellosims

She's taking it really well! And I'm glad to have some clarity on his plans, honestly. It's not going to go like he imagines, plans rarely do, but gods it'll be entertaining to see the outcome

Ha, I hope it will be entertaining and not too much of a bloodbath! (YES, I'M LOOKING AT YOU, SONIA!)

[balillee]

my unpopular dsmp opinions, some of which genuinely should be popular

c!dream has crossed the moral event horizon and is irredeemable. once you cross that threshold, you're no longer a 'morally grey' character.

pre-recorded, heavily produced lore killed the lore. it was cool, sure, but you completely misunderstand the magic that the smp had when people watched it initially. the story is improv and that's how we like it. we can tell the cc's have lost interest in it, you can admit that to us, we'll understand, just stop lying to me.

c!dream's pov isn't necessary to understand his character or his motivations. if you've watched literally any c!primeboys stream he's basically spelled it out for you.

i don't understand how fans can dislike l'manberg or have claimed to be against it since the beginning. i honestly don't get it. what's so bad about wanting your own spot where you make your own rules and skirt accountability that has been used to technically oppress you before - and, before someone who never saw the earlier streams tries to disagree with this, the og l'manberg crew were imprisoned for shit that everyone else on the server was practically encouraged to do. also, what do you have against fun and happiness?

i think some of you forget that 'hybrids' aren't a thing, discounting c!ranboo. there's no piglin hybrids, c!techno is just a pig. there's no avian hybrids, c!phil is just a man with wings. there's no creeper hybrids, c!sam is just a creeper who's indecently exposed from the hips down. canonically there's no hybrids, and therefore no hybrid discrimination. people ran with that concept too much.

the loss and the fanon rewriting of the early lore up until pogtopia has ruined fandom perception of c!dream and the og l'manberg boys. c!tommy is more morally white than you think he is, and c!dream has always been a villain - he massacres and he kills and he destroys and he schemes and he always has broken his own rules. no wonder the boys wanted their own space after how they were treated.

i think ranboo oftentimes forgets his own lore. he brings stuff up that c!ranboo may have done, such as exploding the community house to frame c!tommy, holding onto Cat, and it goes absolutely nowhere. we've gotten all of these developments in his story but they have never been expanded on, and we're nowhere closer to figuring out his relationship to c!dream and what his other side is and honestly i see no hope that we'll be any closer to knowing even by the end of the year.

your characters don't all have to be morally grey for the story itself to be morally grey. this is fiction - some people can be nothing but evil and others can be nothing but good. being purely good or evil doesn't mean that you're one dimensional, either.

c!dream apologists have ruined c!dream for me. he's not a good person. how about you let me enjoy a villain for who he actually is, rather for than your percieved woobified ragdoll you pass off as c!dream.

the story was better when there was a central writer. it was brilliant back when wilbur wrote it to be that the environment drives the characters and the story, and it was really good in early s2 up until techno's execution day when it was more character driven. since then, the amount of autonomy people have over their characters without any central 'director', as it were, has been a detriment to the story overall. there needs to still be one overarching figure or director or writer.

not everyone is a main character. just because they have a pov, doesn't mean they're a main character. some characters have such little impact on the overall plot and describing everyone as a main character oversaturates the story and makes some characters seem more important than they are.

the egg lore had so much potential up until it didn't. all that built up threat that we were expecting and we still don't even know what the egg wants really other than just controlling people. does it hatch?

genuinely, if there's no major plot developments by the end of the year (and let's be honest, it's a very big possibility at this point), a few of the more prominent members of the server should do a podcast style stream talking about where the story would have gone, because at least then we would have gotten somewhat closer to a conclusion.

c!techno is a villain and an asshole and a bad person. he stops caring for people once their interests don't align with his or if they look at him funny. he makes meta-jokes about his own tyrannical and oppressive nature. stop taking that away from him. he's a bad person. cc!techno does a fabulous job portraying that in a comedic manner and the balancing of him being a deeply flawed person with deeply flawed morals and ideas with his comedically-portrayed stubbornness and lack of willingness to hear out opposing viewpoints is incredible. i want to like characters who are arseholes for the sake of being arseholes, and who refuse to take into account the hurt they've caused either out of self-righteousness or because they don't care, so let me. he's the anti-peacemaker, LET ME HIM ENJOY HIM FOR THAT!!!!

i think tommy and wilbur's way of doing lore is my favourite. relies heavily on improv, voice acting, sprite acting and facial expressions. really shows off the acting props and they pull off the emotional moments well for the insanity of the creative medium.

i'm not a fan of fan-music. i find songs about media i'm into difficult to listen to. coincidentally i'm also not a fan of shit like slam poetry or live music/musicals/pantomimes.

the death of l'manberg killed people's motivation to go on the server casually. i've talked about it more in depth before, but destroying what was a central, driving environment for the story killed momentum and motivation. imagine in an episode of she-ra, the princess alliance just nuke the freight zone and all of the members of the horde just have to deal with it. that would be shit.

until season 3 has some momentum, i'm counting the end of the smp as january 20th. that had a conclusion. season 3 has... whores, technoblade and tommyinnit. that's about it.

i wasn't a fan of the development of c!tubbo joining las nevadas. i preferred snowchester and the walled city conflict. give c!tubbo some backbone and some badassery. also tubbo where's the fucking nuke bro if you're shelving that plotline just tell us on like an alt stream what the plan was i beg

add like 2 or 3 new people to the server so that michael mcchill has someone to talk to and so that there's something always happening on the server. it gives the og's more motivation to return if things are happening in and out of canon and it'll help with momentum, and who knows? maybe they can write their own story/stories.

i really think that c!sam is an underrated character. he's multilayered, extremely interesting, and the dichotomy of his loyalty to his job and how far down the rabbithole that's taken him versus the genuine love he has for his friends that drives him to do what he does out of wanting to do right by them is brilliant. i don't talk about c!sam enough.

STOP HAVING FUCKING VILLAIN ARCS!!! I'M FUCKIN SICK OF IT!!!! i want to see more characters who see everyone else being absolute selfish, abhorrent cunts and go 'if nobody else is going to be a good person, i fucking will'. GIVE ME SOME MORAL WHITENESS!!! IT'S INTERESTING AND MORALLY GOOD CHARACTERS ARE FUN!!!

let tommyinnit build cobblestone towers. everyone bullied him too much for how ugly they were and the one he built outside of the prison looked genuinely really nice. it gives the boy something to do.

i'm a fan of the revive book and the canon lives system. don't ask me why, but i think it might just be the morbidity of it. it adds to c!dream's god complex persona, and i think the fragility of death itself is a really fun concept. not enough fan cc's have made connections with that and c!mumza, and it could make for cool fanfic.

ranboo your house is fucking ugly. it's an eyesore

c!niki, and to some extent now c!jack and c!fundy, are boring me and ruining my mood. i think c!jack is the closest to being an actually interesting sympathetic villain, mainly because nobody else seems to realise that c!niki is a villain. not a good one imo, but she's a villain. c!jack just has the problem of starting a new project over and over and over and over again and because of the slow in momentum for the primary cast, there hasn't been a lot of recent development for him.

not really a dream smp opinion, but if philza went full geordie accent, i would love it. i want him to, in canon, say shit like 'me n ye' instead of 'me and you' and use geordie dialect. i want him to be physically unintelligible because it's funny.

i don't really know what's up with c!foolish but i think he's a dumbass. he had a while to think about c!q's proposal and then changed his mind about joining the guy to admitted to letting him die just because. moron

i wish there was more c!eret lore. i wish he was an actual king with an actual kingdom and actual subjects and royal advisors. c!eret is far too fucking cool to be the king of nothing and nobody. fatten up the kingdom and the castle with people who work with c!eret, and don't just make it tyrannical and dictator-y to prove the point of the server's 'anarchists'. make it a healthy working environment, please - if you want moral greyness, have 'anarchists' who claim to care about the welfare of the server oppose a kingdom of happy people under a fair and just ruler because their ideologies clash.

the server needs more characters who oppose anarchy in more peaceful ways, or passively wish for systems to be a part of. i think a chaos vs order conflict ending only in mutual understanding where everyone understands that they should just leave each other alone would slot nicely into the story that's been created so far.

you need to have watched all of the previous arcs to understand the story. i've seen people argue that they don't need to know about earlier lore to understand the prison, but that's the equivalent of only watching the final season of pretty little liars and expecting to understand the context of what's going on.

some characters aren't that morally grey. some characters, take c!tommy for example, are definitely on the whiter side for the morality scale, he's just an asshole. he's abrasive and rude and a dickhead but he also doesn't agree with terrorism, he's patriotic, he strives for a better world, he's apologetic, but he's also a fucking BITCH.

you can add onto this if you want, but not if you're a c!dream apologist. nobody likes your opinions

[xananabanana]

The Halo Show isn't even a good standalone

Every time I read one of those dumbass posts that's like "even if the Halo show isn't a great adaptation it is still a good show" I want to explode!

A: No, the show is meant to be an adaptation of an existing franchise. If the show fails to be or feel like that franchise then it fails as a show. It's like if they made an Undertale show, but every character acted completely different and the plot was actually the plot of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Yeah sure Sans looks like Sans but he keeps fucking talking about how a monster splinter terrorist group has somehow gotten their hands on a nuke and then he has sex with some woman. None of the characters are even shadows of the actual characters, they just have the same names! What makes it worse is I like Kwan as a character. I think having that human POV around Spartans is really important to show how weird they are and having a POV character who isn't part of the UNSC helps show the audience the political atmosphere of humanity. Instead, she is our "boyish hero" who climbs trees and survives the big battle. Like she watches her friend turn into paste and not even a day later is chit-chating with a FUCKING CYPTID!

B: The story is not good. The plot for the Halo tv show is an amalgamation of every space opera that has been released in the past twenty years. It has Mass Effect, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, and some Star Trek all thrown in together and blended on high for fifty minutes. Like if space opera was what they wanted to make there are so many franchises for that. Halo on the other hand is military sci-fi with some light space opera elements. The focus of the series is the military engagements and the effect this war has on humanity not how everyone is concerned about the flow of deuterium. Come on, the human race is supposed to be on the cusp of extinction and the Admiral of the naval intelligence is concerned with heavy water.

Even if you took all the Halo out of the show it would still be a generic poorly written space opera. I don't understand how you could sit through that first episode and go: "Yeah that was a well-made piece of media."

[impala1967dwinchester]

Sam Winchester: Disney

*Credit to gif owner*

Pairing: Sam W. x Reader

Pov: Sams

Warnings: fluffy!Sam, The reader having an addiction to Disney movies, movie night, Sam quoting Disney movies, ( I think it's like one word) swearing, quick interaction with Dean.

Summary: Movie night rolls around and this time it's just Sam and Y/n. Letting Y/n choose pretty much just turns into them watching Disney movies. And maybe Sam knows a few quotes from each movie.

Word Count: 2k

A/N: This is for band--pyschos 1.5 followers Bingo Challenge. I'm so excited o be a part of this writing challenge.

Square- Movie Quote

Masterlist

Sams Masterlist

Taglist: @band--psycho @sweetdetectivequeen

If you keep sliding on the floor with those damn socks on, you're going to land on your ass, Y/n" I finally said after watching her pass by the library at least ten times within five minutes.

Y/n huffed and crossed her arms dramatically, but stopped. Standing there for a few moments, before once she thought that I wasn't paying attention she continued.

"Shit" I heard Y/n in a rather loud voice. So, I got up from my library seat, closing the lore book I was reading through. "Did you fall?" I asked as I rounded the corner.

Seeing Y/n sitting on her ass. She looked up at me, doing the thing I taught her. "No, No puppy eyes. I told you. I told you that you were going to fall on your ass." I said putting my hand out.

In moments like this, I noticed how much bigger my hand was compared to Y/n. She gripped my hand and I lifted her up from the floor. "Hey, you two, y'all okay?" Dean asked passing by the two of us in the hallway.

I knew he was going out; it was Saturday night and we were home at the bunker. "Yeah, we're fine. I was just sliding on the floor with my socks." Y/n said patting down her sweatshirt that used to be mine.

"That must have been the 'oh shit' I heard. We should totally do that, I'm heading out." Dean said. "Don't have too much fun," I said interlocking Y/n and I's fingers together.

Dean skipped up the bunker stairs and was gone within minutes.

"Babe, can we do something fun?" Y/n asked dragging me into the kitchen. I let her drag me into the kitchen before answering her question.

"I guess so since you've dragged me into the kitchen," I said, not letting go of Y/ns soft and small hands clasped around mine. "Well since we are in the kitchen, can we get some snacks together?" She asked.

Y/n had the tendency to always ask before doing anything around the bunker. It sometimes made me feel as if she was my student in school, and I was her jailer of a teacher.

"Y/n, honey you don't have to ask me every time you want to do something. This is your home, your home to do as you please, get snacks as you please. You aren't a student here and I am most defiantly not your teacher." I said, wrapping Y/n in a hug from behind.

"I know, but still I don't like the idea of just doing without asking," Y/n said leaning her head back up against my shoulder. We stood like this for a while, in the presence of each other was nice, it was always nice to just be together.

Nothing trying to get in the way, no Dean trying to tease me, no monster ruining dates, anniversary, or having to hunt monster worried about each other safety.

This was the most normal we could get. The most normal we would ever have. "So what are the snacks for?" I asked Y/n as she started to release herself from the embrace we had.

"I thought that maybe we could have a movie night since Dean is out," Y/n said rummaging through the cabinets and through the fridge. Her shorter stature giving her a problem as she tried to reach things on the higher shelves.

"Do you want some help? Also, what are you looking for?" I asked coming closer to hear what she had to say. "MMMH," She said, her face pensive and thoughtful about what she was going to say.

"I was trying to grab some popcorn for me, and some more healthy choices for you, but as you can see, I've failed miserably." Y/n said shrugging her shoulders.

Taking a moment to get an idea of the hand situation at hand. “You haven’t failed, and if I’m honest with you dear, I'm in the mood to snack on junk food and be lazy.” I spoke. Grabbing junk like food off of the shelves and from the fridge.

I’m rather glad that just a few days ago we needed to go shopping because Dean tends to pick up the junky food and tends to forget he has such an abundance at the bunker. Throwing a pint of ice cream on to the kitchen island, gently placing a twelve-ounce bottle of soda-pop, Y/n had already put out the over flow of candy that we had, so all that was left was really just making the popcorn.

“Movie night is going to be hella fun!” Y/n said dancing around the kitchen, as I looked for a clean useable big bowl for the popcorn. I think she noticed my struggle because she stopped dancing and come over to me. Taking the popcorn out of my hands.

“Just nuke the popcorn’ she said placing the popcorn bag into the microwave and pressing popcorn, ‘see now you can go look for your bowl” She said finishing her sentence and backing away to let me continue trying to look for a bowl.

Once that entire process was done, we migrated towards the Dean cave which had just turned into a living room slash movie room at this point. Not that either one of us would ever tell Dean that what it’s used for now.

We ended up having to make multiple trips back to the kitchen since we honestly did have a shit ton of food. But once we finally had all our food and snacks placed out in front of us, we sat down, well it was more like we sank down into the couch.

Dean was a rather lazy person and didn’t like to spend money which never made much sense to me seeing as we used fake credit cards, or the very bold answer which was credit fraud. We could have totally gone out and bought a brand-new couch, but instead Dean just saw this one and decided on the side of the road that he had to have it.

So, like I said we almost every time sink into the couch.

“Since it was your idea for a movie night, I’m giving you the honors of picking the first movie we watch!” I said handing her the remote that I had just fished form between the seat moments ago.

“Aww, you’re so sweet baby.” Y/n said kissing my cheek before she went on and searched through Netflix. After only a short time, I heard a frustrated groan come from Y/n. After being with Y/n for as long as I have, I’ve noticed different groans, and huffs have completely different meanings.

The groan thought meant that she was about to give up, frustration taking over her mind and her body. “Honey, is everything okay?” I asked deciding best to intervene before the remote ended up stuck in the TV screen. My girl has one hell of a throw.

“No nothing is fine!” She said huffing rather louder. “Give me the remote and tell me what you want to find.” I suggested. Plopping the remote into my lap Y/n crossed her arms and leaned in to the back of the couch.

“Baby you gotta tell me what I’m looking for, or should I already know?” I asked. I feel like I was poking a bear, or maybe a balloon just waiting her to explode. But she never did, I could hear her taking a deep breath in and then exhaling. “You know me enough to know that you let me choose, so Disney movies and I’m sorry for getting so upset so quickly.” Y/n said fidgeting with her finger nails.

“It’s okay love. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Now let’s see about watching some Disney movies.” I spoke.

I ended up having to go to Disney plus which held all of Disney's movies. “I’m figuring you want to watch their princess collection first, right?” I said, I received a hum in response.

Watching the movies in order for Y/n was the most important thing, so we started off with Snow white and the seven dwarfs. Watching through Y/n sang almost every song, and would sometimes nudge me to join in. I’d deny and she give me her doe eyes and I'd join regardless. Once the movie was over, I clicked around trying to find the next movie.

“Lips red as the rose, Hair black as ebony, skin white as snow.” I repeated as I looked around for the movie CInderella. I was interrupted before being able to click on the movie title. “Hey, that’s the phrase that the mirror says the queen. How do you remember that?” Y/n asked.

I honestly think she was totally surprised. “Because in a way it reminds me of you.” I said winking and clicked on the title of the movie. Cinderella played through, I had to pause a few times letting Y/n tell me when she was a young girl how much she wanted to be a princess but not just any princess she wanted to be Cinderella, and how her parents had bought her Cinderella dresses and she wear the plastic glass slippers and clink around her house.

Somethings you just always forget. Somethings like that are worth forgetting though, just so she can retell the same story and have the same cute and exciting look on her face. That was why I was okay with sitting down and watching Disney movies with her, because they made her so extremely happy and that’s all I needed to be happy.

We watched through that movies. “On the stoke of twelve, the spell will be broken, and everything will be as it was before.” I spoke. “Who said it though?” Y/n said questioning me. “Cinderellas fairy godmother!” I spoke.

I hadn’t realized how much this was now turning in to a game between Y/n and I. The next movie in our now marathon was sleepy beauty, so far, I had quoted every movie at the end.

So, this time Y/n was ready for it, “Now father, you’re living in the past, this is the 14th century.” I said a little laughed came out. “Oh, come on, there are so many better ones to choose from!” Y/n said dramatic.

“Yeah, like which ones? "I said, knowing Y/n knew a lot more about Disney movies then I did. “I’m awfully sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you, Make it pink, Oh dear, what an awkward situation. And that to name a few.” Y/n said totally sassy me, but whatever. This was her guilty pleasure. There was no reason to tease her about it.

We watched through ariel, I only stopped the movie once since Y/n said she need a peep break and I most defiantly needed a good stretch. When she came back, I said “Don’t underestimate the importance of body language!” I said as I shimmied my hands down my sides and winked at her as Y/n sat down on to the couch.

“Haha, very funny. Come on now. Sit with me.” She said giving me grabby hands. I sat down and we continued our watch through, unfortunately we only made it another two movies seeing as Y/n had fallen asleep with her head in my lap and a blanket covering the rest of her body.

Beauty and the Beast was the second to last movie we watched before Y/n fell asleep, she had cuddled closer and reminded me that she sometimes thought of this movie when she saw us together. “Take it with you so you’ll always have a way to look back... and remember me”

She cuddled in closer as I quoted that and looked for the next movie. Yawning I asked Y/n “Do you want to stop? We can always pick up tomorrow.” I said She shook her head and said “Please continue.”

Looking for the next movie, I found that was a musical now about the movie, Aladdin was the next movie, this was an upbeat movie. I remember vaguely seeing this as a young boy, something that Dean had taken me to do, while he sat in the back making out with whatever girl he was with at that point.

“Y/n, I do love you, but I gotta stop pretending to be something I’m not.” I said kissing Y/n temple and shutting off the tv, and the lights before grabbing the underneath of Y/n knees and carrying her to bed.

Compelted on: 04/15/2021

[tragedynatural]

Hey I know you posted it like a month ago but I would love a detailed song-by song reasoning/annotations for your Sam/jake mix. If you have time it would be great to hear your thoughts!

anon i've never jumped so hard at the chance to explain my totally normal thought process in depth before. thank you! yes of course! i will try to be as brief as possible! but probably not!

the first caveat i have to give you is that this mix was based mostly on a concept where cold oak lasts for ~2 weeks. so there's time for complicated relationships and despair to set in and a lot of this won't match the like..two days? it takes in the show. also this tracklist might be different from the post. i was editing.

we must be killers (mikky ekko) - "children of the wild ones" - references demon blood and my loose interpretation of what it might feel like to have these burgeoning powers, and then the "killer" refrain is because imo a key part of boyking4boyking is about how they both Know one of them is going to die, probably by the other's hand. also i'm compelled by similarities i see between jake and sam and both have spent their adult lives (hunting, military) being trained to kill. and i think neither of them want to do that, and in this situation they're forced to consider killing their peers..oof. thinking about jake's face when he has to kill ava, thinking about how sam and jake have been in situations where they've needed to kill someone in order to ensure the safety of someone else (in the logic of spn universe's approach to hunting & military)

like real people do (hozier) - this is abt that sense of knowing i was talking about. in the 2 week cold oak au jake and sam both find out from azazel early on how things are supposed to go. and they spend a week not killing each other! but they don't know each other very well and each fears that the other will snap first. "i will not ask why you were creeping / in some sad way i already know" - a sense of like, scorpion-and-frog anticipation that the other's going to turn on you but wanting to prolong the peace before it happens. also this dynamic is a product of a horrible time for them, they know that they probably won't both make it out - the "kiss like real people do" refrain is about an idle wish of like, what would it have been like if we were normal?

damn these vampires (the mountain goats) - i just like this song i think. this was rlly about the atmosphere, capturing the sense of being changed against your will that jake is reckoning with for the first time and sam is still struggling with. also, you know, there's a little bit of a defiant feel to this song. "scream when captured... let this whole town hear your knuckles crack." at this point they think maybe they can refuse to play along with azazel, and that it might be possible to get out anyway.

our time is short (gang of youths) - look, you know, rn they've been here for a ~week? they're not sure if they're ever making it out. the other kids died in the first couple days so it's just jake and sam and i think they're going through 'last 2 people on earth' feelings at warp speed. this is .... a moment of feeling good b/c they know it won't last very long, and there's a bit of last hurrah energy. "so let's drink the best wine now..before lightning strikes us down" etc.

another place (bastille) - the jake/sam connection is a genuine feeling but it's also very much....a foxhole thing to quote bobby. they like each other genuinely but both are aware this is the result of an extraordinary situation. even if they were both getting out alive...they live completely different lives. this song is about, don't make this more than it is because even though maybe we'd both want it to be, it's not attainable.

heavy in your arms (florence + the machine) - "who is the betrayer? / who's the killer in the crowd?" is absolutely my concept for the 2 week cold oak. sam and jake being plagued by dreams from yellow-eyes, and they don't want to suspect or betray the other but. well. they'll be stuck here forever. this is both of them wondering who'll crack first. also "heavy in your arms" is a little foreshadowing for when jake stabs sam and holds him while he bleeds out. thanks!

as the world caves in (matt maltese) - look. they're going to nuke each other up boys till old satan stands impressed...on their final night alive it's YOUUU that i lie with.... this is last few days of peace before Inevitable Conflict as the tension hits a peak. it's about "i like you and i care for you and i know eventually one of us is going to kill the other but i can't be the person to pick up the knife first. so every night i sleep across the fire from you and hope you fall asleep before i do." and azazel is there.

no one would riot for less (bright eyes) - "everything is eclipsed / by the shape of destiny" - the fact that the lives of the special children have been counting down to this moment! their hopes, dreams, personal morals, affections for others are eclipsed by fate baby! inescapable! the whole "little soldier" section is again about how both of them have been made into weapons to fight for various causes, and now they're being. pitted against each other. "love me now / hell is coming" and "help me out / hell is coming / could you do it now / hell is here" is obviously about them knowing shit is going to go down soon and also this sense of like. just kill me if you're going to. don't prolong the inevitable.

have to explode (the mountain goats) - similar theme here, feeling like you're counting down to the inevitable - "the stage is set / someone's going to do something someone else will regret" sam and jake are pieces in a plan that's been in motion for years and everyone's just waiting for them to buckle down and play the role. "the fuse will have to run out sometime / something here will eventually have to explode" - dean only finds sam once sam's been stabbed and jake has 'won'. if no victor emerges they stay here until one does, and they know that they can't hold out forever.

tusk (fleetwood mac) - i put this on every playlist sorry about me! also it's, okay, jake wakes up in the night to see sam stuck in a nightmare and he knows the demon's visiting both of them. what's it saying to him, he thinks, what's sam going to do? this is about creeping dread, and this sense that the person you're with maybe knows something you don't. that they're planning to betray you, that they already have. and musically the frantic melody and vocalization just ups the tension.

bite the hand (boygenius) - jake's pov. sam is the one who pushes for a truce and holding out for another option out of cold oak, and jake is on board. at first. but as time kicks on he realizes that there's no other option whereas sam is still a little bit in denial. so the "i can't love you how you want me to / i'll bite the hand that feeds me / you want what i can't give to you / who do you think you are / who do you think i am / maybe i'm afraid of you" - is about him doing a heel turn where he realizes like, i can't do this (stay indefinitely here to find a dubiously-real other way out for a guy i just met) and sam can't do it either, and one of us is going to snap, and i'm afraid it'll be sam first.

i bet on losing dogs (mitski) - sam's perspective on ^ - he does know how it's going to end but he can't quite. give up on hoping that it won't. he doesn't kill jake when he has the chance. he must know jake'll kill him if he's not dead or knocked unconscious, but he hopes. that he won't. anyway. and he's wrong. he knows he'll be wrong, i think he can sense that jake is doing a heel turn but also, they're getting played by azazel who's planting seeds of doubt and they're stuck in this depressing place alone, and sam's not sure how much he can trust himself. he's betting on losing dogs.

samson (regina spektor) - "you are my sweetest downfall / i loved you first" - jake's pov on a guy he genuinely likes who he knows he's going to kill. before the fight & the cemetery they cared for each other. "we couldn't bring the columns down / we couldn't destroy a single one" - in the end trying to hold out against azazel does nothing, the gate opens, the apocalypse happens. it's futile. and the story never mentions jake or cold oak again - i think the fact that sam tried to like, help & protect the special kids & then had to watch andy, ava, and lily die, & then jake tried to kill him, & he had to kill jake is like. pretty fucked up. those are the last people like him on this earth man he was 23!

heaven or hell (digital daggers) - vibes! also: "i’ve got the same deep wounds as you / my love can double as a weapon too" - jake and sam's similarities are so key to me. either one of them could have been the person to turn first. i'm anti-trying to make jake into a bad guy for stabbing sam! he wanted to go home! "show me the side no one else sees / turn it back on me" - what's it like for sam to be around other special kids? does he feel more normal or less than he does with dean? thinking about that "it doesn't matter if we believe it only matters that they do" scene- SO interesting! what a cool moment of jake and sam connecting on a level of both being leaders, both knowing what a lose-lose situation looks like, both knowing how to keep the hope alive, and do what has to be done. of course this is also the trait that leads to jake killing sam / sam killing jake. they're the same.

old college try (the mountain goats) - this is specifically like, night before jake stabs sam. he knows he's going to kill sam by now. "i want to say i'm sorry for stuff i haven't done yet / things will shortly get completely out of hand" - jake thinking about this last like, goodbye. and "i will walk down to the end with you / if you will come all the way down with me" - seeing it through till the end, sam has a burgeoning sense of something wrong.

it seemed the better way (leonard cohen)- again i literally just put this one on everything i can. also you know, it's jake thinking about listening to azazel and killing sam. it seemed like the better way then, but now, when azazel's threatened his family and he realizes he can't get out of it, it's too late to go back in time and do it differently. he has to obey azazel + play along. "i better hold my tongue / i better take my place / lift this glass of blood / try to say the grace". yes i know this is about religion i'm not trying to make light of the song i just think. i'm squinting okay.

don't let me be misunderstood (nina simone) - LISTEN! JAKE'S INTENTIONS ARE GOOD. this is like, meeting in the cemetery and sam is alive and they both know what's passed between them and what can never be and where it has to go now, and jake's thinking "just remember that i'm not evil. just remember i have a family that i wanted to come back to like you, don't let where this went eclipse the fact that you cared about me, that you know i'm a good person." it's also me holding a large stick and pointing it at everyone in supernatural so that they remember that he did nothing wrong.

say goodbye (fleetwood mac) - okay bear with me. in my version. of cold oak jake doesn't get killed by sam. he kills azazel and sam and dean let him go. this is a retrospective on the whole thing for both of them. "i let you slip away / there was nothing I could do / that was so long ago, yeah / still I often think of you" and "so don't let it get you down / just a time within a time / just a scheme within a scheme / a little world within a world / yes, a dream, just a dream" are the thesis lyrics for this song. cold oak's done, azazel's nuked, back to the real world now. it's a bitter way to say goodbye to a person you cared about after they killed you/you killed them, even though you both sort of. expected it to go that direction. by this point i was just like IT FEELS RIGHT (adds to playlist).

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 37

Two words: Natrin’s Barrow

Chapter 37: A Force of Light

That sounds almost positive, so it probably isn’t.

Oh it’s a Min POV! I’ve been wanting one of these.

I like the way the POV is shifting in this book so far, bouncing off of Rand to other characters briefly, then coming back to him on the way to another character, touching sometimes on his own thoughts and sometimes on those around him. It’s a change from the previous few books, and adds to the sense that we’re drawing closer to an ending; everything is being pulled tightly around him as he stands at the centre of this storm.

The previous few books, we’ve seen more of things falling apart, divisions growing, unity failing, the right hand falters and the left hand strays – reinforced by the way POV sections were grouped by character, so you’d see one character and one storyline for a few chapters, and then either not at all or maybe only once or twice before the next book. The stories were separate, the characters were separate, and the impacts of the Dragon Reborn and the impending Last Battle and everything that goes with it were being flung across the world. Now, there’s a sense of pulling that back in, and so it becomes tighter, faster, and yet at the same time slightly more chaotic and frantic.

And Rand stands at the centre, but he still has relatively few viewpoint chapters of his own; often, now, he is narrated by one of those near him. Because while he is the point around which everything turns, he inhabits a slightly different level – partly out of his own doing, deciding that the Dragon Reborn cannot be truly human, giving himself to his role and duty and leaving nothing for himself, writing out his own agency in a way; and partly out of the role he is given.

Anyway, let’s get to the actual chapter, shall we?

These opening paragraphs, with Min watching Rand dress in meticulous detail, sharp and tense and exact, remind me a great deal of two other scenes. The first is Rand preparing to go to Caemlyn to face Rahvin at the end of TFoH, where he thought about how he needed to be cold, with no mistakes, and Aviendha watched him. The second is Min watching Rand prepare to go to Illian to face Sammael. There’s a trend here, is all I’m saying.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

Rand did not turn from the mirror. “About what?”

“The Seanchan.”

“There will be no peace,” he said, straightening his coat collar. “I have failed.” His tone was emotionless, yet somehow taut.

“It’s all right to be frustrated, Rand.”

“Frustration is pointless,” he said. “Anger is pointless.”

Tuon left that meeting and immediately declared herself Empress and war on the Tower (like my zeugma there?). Now, I think, we’re seeing Rand’s version of that. Two leaders walk away from a ruined attempt at peace and set their held plans in motion, cold and clear and ruthless.

The air shimmered above Rand, and a mountain appeared there. Viewings were so common around Rand that Min usually forced herself to ignore them unless they were new – though she did spend time some days trying to pick them all out and sort through them. This one was new, and it caught her attention. The towering mountain was blasted out on one side, making a jagged hole down the slope. Dragonmount?

Finally someone says it. Dragonmount’s been hanging over Rand for…well, technically his whole life I suppose, but in the last few chapters those hints have been getting heavier than either duty or a mountain.

It was cloaked in dark shadows, as if shaded by clouds

Or by metaphor.

That was odd; whenever she’d seen the mountain, it had reached higher than the clouds themselves.

With your self-taught philosophy, Min, I trust you can work this one out without too much difficulty.

Dragonmount in shadows. It would be important to Rand in the future. Was that a tiny prick of light shining from the heavens down onto the point of the mountain?

A memory of light, even?

He will stand on his grave and weep, laughter and tears, death and rebirth, memory and shadow and light…

Lews Therin killed himself in a blaze of light on what would become Dragonmount, and it would be fitting, would it not, for Rand to at last choose life in the very place his past self chose death? A fitting way to answer the question he has been struggling with since learning who he was: does sharing Lews Therin’s soul mean sharing Lews Therin’s fate?

My question is how. How does he get to that point? What would drive him to Dragonmount, and what would compel him to such a choice, as far past the edge as he is? It seems so perfect, so fitting; I can’t see what else all of this could be leading to, but nor can I see how we get there.

She’d begun to think of herself as a last defense for Rand.

Ah, Min. And she has been – her bond with him and her love for him have been among his very few anchor points for so long. But he is absolutely his own worst enemy right now – the external threats pale in comparison and they’re not insignificant – but it’s hard to defend anyone against that level of commitment to self-immolation.

Min had discovered just how useful she was as a ‘line of defense’. She’d been about as useful as a child! In fact, she’d been a hindrance, a tool for Semirhage to use against him.

Yeah, I knew she must have her own reasons for not pushing to accompany Rand to the meeting with Tuon. And of course it’s not quite the same reason Rand assumed. But why can he not feel this through the bond – her frustration with herself, her growing sense of helplessness? Or if he can feel it, why does he not think about it?

(Yes those questions are mostly rhetorical).

So she studied and tried to stay out of his way. He’d changed on that day, as if something bright had turned off inside of him. A lamp flickering out, its oil gone, leaving only the casing. He looked at her differently, now. When those eyes of his studied her, did they see only a liability?

It’s not a lack or a diminishing of love, but it is a…distancing…between them. Yet another anchor Rand is slowly losing, because now there is this thread of uncertainty and fear and doubt and misunderstanding between them, even if each reads a different reason or cause into it. And the fact that this is happening even with Min, who has been closer to him than anyone for a very long time, is indicative of just how far gone he is.

“You’re going after her, aren’t you?” Min found herself asking. “Graendal.”

So she’s not the only one getting a sense of déjà vu from this scene.

“Fix the problems you can, don’t fret over the ones you cannot. It was something Tam once told me.”

Okay, Rand, that’s good advice and all, but I’m fairly certain Tam al’Thor did not intend it to apply to this particular situation.

“Don’t think you can leave me behind!”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said flatly.

Maybe Nynaeve can dream of it on his behalf.

Too soon?

Once, he would have done everything in his power to persuade her not to. But now, the possibility of her death is something he has…accepted, in the cold way he accepts anything and everything he must do or sacrifice. It would be just another wound to carry until he can die.

From the night stand he picked up the statuette of a man holding aloft a globe. He turned the ter’angreal in his hand, inspecting it, then looked up at Min, as if in challenge. She said nothing.

He does not challenge her decision to accompany him, so she does not challenge his decision to bring the nuke along. (Great).

It all adds to this very well-executed sense that something is very, very wrong here. He’s so different, eerily so at times, and so the characters around him are caught in this…dance, almost, of trying to figure out how to get him to respond, trying to either unsettle or provoke him or get any sort of reaction from him at all besides this terrifying calm.

He glanced at the pair of Maidens guarding the door. “I go to battle,” he said to them. “Bring no more than twenty.”

However misguided his earlier attempts were to keep them from the fighting, this is more frightening by far, because it’s not him. It doesn’t come from a place of finally understanding and accepting their choices; it comes simply because he’s stopped caring – or at least, stopped acting on his caring – about any of the things he once did. He is a different person, and all can sense it, and it comes across so exquisitely in the narrative, and it’s both beautiful and terrible, and filled with this sense of foreboding, of calamity on the horizon.

He had rushed off like this to fight Forsaken before

And that’s always worked out so well. He wins, but there’s always such a high cost to pay. Rahvin, maybe, was the one where the scales tipped the most in his favour, but even that had its price.

He seemed like a thunderstorm, contained and wrapped up, somehow bound and channelled towards a single goal. How she wished he’d just explode and lose his temper, the way he used to! He’d exasperated her then, but he’d never frightened her. Not as he did now, with those icy eyes she couldn’t read, that aura of danger.

More than most, she sees the depth of the changes in him. It’s an excellent description, and she’s not wrong to be afraid, though it’s heartbreaking to see that she is.

One of the interesting things here is the comment about his temper. Because in the early-to-middle books, he and others thought about how that was a change in him; how he’d never shown much of a temper before. And he didn’t, until TDR/TSR. But now, this lack of a temper, this complete failure to explode even when pushed to what should be a breaking point, doesn’t feel even remotely like the gentle shepherd he once was. It’s not a return to or a remembrance of that. Instead it’s a warped, twisted reflection of it, the way so much about him now is. There are echoes of the person we first met, and yet they’ve been distorted, given these harsh edges, taken too far and reached from the wrong direction.

Since the incident with Semirhage, he spoke of doing ‘whatever he had to’ regardless of cost, and she knew that he must seethe at having failed to convince the Seanchan to ally with him. What would that combination of failure and determination lead him to do?

YOU AND ME BOTH, MIN.

I’ve been wondering that pretty much since The Last That Could Be Done, because that was the crossing of his personal threshold, but you don’t have a character become unfettered in their own minds without then giving some…outward indication of that. Rand is cold and terrifying and not at all like himself, but he hasn’t yet crossed that line externally. And I think so much of the tension from his last several chapters has been a result of that sense of waiting for him to do exactly that. It seems an inevitability, and because there are no limits it’s just a question of when – because it could be any time. It could be anything. So the reader and the other characters alike are walking on eggshells here, because he’s already at that point, he doesn’t need to be pushed, he just needs to decide something is necessary…

And we’re heading for Graendal’s hiding place. Bets on this ending well? Anyone?

Speaking of ending well…there are those arguments that crop up periodically in this genre that anything not ‘gritty’ or grimdark or ‘anyone can die’ is boring because you know it’s going to end with good triumphing over evil and minimal major deaths. And I think this serves as a good illustration of how that’s not at all true. I am 99% sure this series will end with a victory for the Light, that Rand will remember laughter and tears before the end and will rise from this low point, that most if not all of the main cast will make it out alive. But that doesn’t make the story less compelling, or this current darkness of Rand’s arc less tense or frightening. It just shifts the focus. The question is not who will win and who will die (to paraphrase a certain proponent of the other side of this argument), but how they will win, and what the cost will be, and how far they will go and what that will do and how they will find a way back and a way forward and what that future will look like, with ‘the battle done, but the world not done with battle’.

This chapter – Rand’s whole arc this book – is filled with a sense of foreboding, a sense of the true darkest hour, and the almost certain knowledge that he will somehow come through this doesn’t make that tension any less. I’m still waiting to see him do something catastrophic, and throughout the books leading up to this I was watching him break slowly, and it wasn’t a question of whether he would survive, or even whether he would fall to darkness, but of what he would do in order to endure. It becomes not an exploration of simply life or death, of failure or success, but of the difference between hardness and strength, of the balance of desperation and hope, of identity and duty and power, of the limits of endurance.

And I don’t think that’s boring. Because it’s not about how it ends, really. It’s about how the story gets there, about watching these characters walk these paths, wondering what it will do to them, wondering how they will reach their destinations and how much of themselves they will leave behind, or perhaps discover.

Don’t get me wrong: I also enjoy stories that do have the potential to end in true darkness, or in failure or death, and where those are the main uncertainties. But sitting here, reading as Rand prepares in calm cold apathy to eliminate one of his enemies and holds the power in his hand to destroy the world, sure this can’t possibly go well, I don’t feel like that sense of dread and anticipation and excitement is in any way lessened by the probability that eventually, he will come through this.

Once that would have made him smile. She kept forgetting that he didn’t do that anymore.

It’s so casually phrased that it’s funny until the meaning hits and it’s not funny at all.

Instead of smiling Rand decides to give us all a lecture on the history of Natrin’s Barrow. I suppose having a lifetime of memories from three thousand years ago, but nothing between then and now, would give some people an interest in history. And send others running for the hills.

“Tell me this: How do I outthink an enemy I know is smarter than I am?”

With a long-range sniper and very good aim.

The actual answer to this is to not try to outthink them, because you won’t. Don’t try to outplay a master of the game but don’t refuse the invitation; take the first steps as expected and then ignore the rules completely, and in the most erratic or unpredictable – and preferably final – way possible. Move your pawn and then flip the table over and start shooting. Don’t engage in the game of wits and strategies. Go for simple, and for overkill, as far outside the rules as you can. It helps not to care about consequences or collateral damage.

As for why Rand is asking this of Ramshalan, idiot and worst fashion disaster since Tylin had control of Mat’s wardrobe, I have no idea.

“I…My Lord, if your foe is that clever, then perhaps your best course of action is to request the aid of someone more clever?”

Rand turned to him. “An excellent suggestion, Ramshalan. Perhaps I’ve already done just that.”

He’s mostly mocking Ramshalan without Ramshalan noticing, because that’s a fun cruel game, but there’s a possible double meaning here because…Lews Therin. He has the memories of a man who by all accounts was a great strategist.

“I’d make an alliance, my Lord,” Ramshalan said without pausing for another second. “Anyone that powerful would make a better friend than foe, I’d say.”

Yeah that worked out so well for Sammael. It’s not a bad idea in theory, but only if you’re certain you would hold the upper hand in that ‘alliance’; in a problem such as the one Rand has posed, where your enemy is the cleverer strategist, this would fall squarely into the category of playing their game, allowing them to determine the rules, and then having to try to outthink them where they are at their best.

And now Rand’s just sending him off through a gateway, presumably to Natrin’s Barrow, as his ‘emissary’…this feels quite a lot like moving that first pawn. So what does flipping the table over look like?

What was Rand’s game?

Sha’rah, technically.

“Go in my name and seek those who rule the keep. See if they are willing to support me, or if they even know about me. Offer them rewards for allegiance; since you have proven yourself clever, I will let you determine the terms.”

This is also clever, because by leaving a lot of the specifics of whatever encounter takes place up to Ramshalan, he adds another layer of uncertainty and thus unpredictability.

Min found herself feeling sorry for the man.

Yeah, life’s hard on pawns sometimes.

“Graendal understands people better than anyone. Twisted she may be, but she is crafty, and should not be underestimated. Torhs Margin made that mistake, I recall, and you know his fate.”

Min frowned. “Who?” she asked, looking at Nynaeve. The Aes Sedai shrugged.

Insert ‘margins of history’ pun here.

It’s odd that neither Min nor Nynaeve seems to pick up on what’s happening here, though. They both know about Lews Therin, and by extension about Rand having knowledge that does not come solely from this lifetime.

“You’ve obviously already decided what you intend to do. Why ask me?”

“Because what I am about to do should frighten me,” he said. “It doesn’t.”

Oh.

I…okay, yeah, wow, give me a second here because there’s a lot in that.

We’re there, aren’t we? At the last line I’ve been waiting for him to cross; he’s crossed his own last threshold, so now we need to see what that actually means. It’s one thing to see it in his mindset, in what he says, even in walking away from a peace accord. But all of that feels like the build-up to something. And now this…seems like it. Whatever it is that he’s about to do.

Which brings us to the other part of this: he knows it should frighten him. He’s so cold, so calm, so apparently unfeeling, and yet even through all of that he knows that whatever it is he is walking so calmly towards should frighten him. But it doesn’t. And that’s the truly chilling part.

He knows on some level that the fact that it doesn’t frighten him is wrong. Which means he can tell, on some level, that what he’s about to do is worthy of that fear. He just can’t let himself feel it, but that he even knows that, that he voices it and it clearly worries him even through that layer of ice, the fact that he even says this, as if he’s reaching out to two of the last people he trusts and begging them to stop him, conveys a staggering sense of magnitude here, in scale or in horror or simply in how far across that line it is. And so there’s this sense that some part of him – a part he can no longer acknowledge but that same place from whence came the quiet warning “He named you friend. Do not abandon him…” – is screaming. But without any way to be heard.

It’s a hell of a line.

But neither of them says anything to him because what can you say to that? He’s reaching out so desperately for help he could never accept, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop him at this point. And so whatever small part of him is still truly him has to just…watch.

I feel like there’s some small element of symbolism to the fact that he steps through a literal gateway – across a threshold, if you will – right after he says this.

The mountain air was more chilly than the breeze had indicated.

Colder than the wind, hmm?

Atop a ridge of its own, high above the water, was an impressive white stone structure. Rectangular and tall, it was built in the form of several towers stacked atop one another, each one slightly thinner than the one beneath. That gave the palace an elegant shape – fortified, yet palatial. “it’s beautiful,” she said breathlessly.

Nice palace you have there. Would be a shame if something happened to it.

The palace was distant, but not so distant that Min couldn’t make out the figures of men walking the battlements on guard, halberds at their shoulders, breastplates reflecting the late sunlight. A late party of hunters rode through the gates, a fine buck deer lashed to the pack horse, and a group of workers chopped at a fallen tree nearby, perhaps for firewood. A pair of serving women in white carried poles, bucket at each end, up from the lake, and lights were winking on in windows the length of the structure. It was a living, working estate bundled up in a single massive building.

Thanks for the census there. How many civilians, precisely? And do tell me, what colour shirts are these numerous people wearing? Because it’s sounding a hell of a lot like red.

And now Rand’s stroking the statue again (there’s no clean way to say that; believe me, I tried).

I have a very, very bad feeling that I know what’s about to happen here.

Not sure what Ramshalan’s purpose is, though. Rand seems sure Graendal will get the whole conversation they had from him, which implies he wants her to – which means she’ll know about Rand asking how to beat someone cleverer than you are, which means she’ll know Rand is looking for a way to defeat her, which would put her on guard…or maybe make her think she has the upper hand? Seems like a risk regardless, but perhaps she’d have found out anyway, and this way Rand can control to some extent the delivery…

“You make it sound as if you can’t win,” Nynaeve said, frowning. […]

“We can’t win, you say?” Rand asked. “Is that what we’re trying to do? Win?”

Ah, Rand. Wise of you not to try to beat her at her own game, but the mindset behind this is…troubling.

Nynaeve raised an eyebrow. “Do you not answer questions anymore?”

Did he ever?

Rand just does that new staring trick of his and Nynaeve is thrown by it and every time he does it it’s still kind of chilling. Especially when it works on people like Nynaeve, who have never truly feared him before.

They waited quietly on the mountain ridge as the distant sun made its way toward the horizon. Shadows lengthened

And so the pathetic fallacy continues. I honestly love this. The Dragon is one with the land, after all…

More lights had been lit in the fortress windows. How many people did Graendal have in there? Scores, if not hundreds.

Why does this sound so much like a pre-emptive tally of collateral damage?

Oh hey Ramshalan’s back.

Oh.

“Is he infected?” Rand asked of Nynaeve.

“By what?” she asked.

“Graendal’s touch.”

He was literally just a canary in a coal mine, wasn’t he? To make sure Graendal is actually there. While Rand still stands at a distance. On a ridge. Looking down at the mansion. Full of collateral damage people.

It was growing dark

Yeah no kidding.

And yet this chapter is called A Force of Light. I’m…Concerned.

Besides the dim evening light, the only illumination came from the still-open gateway behind them. It shone with lamplight, an inviting portal back to warmth, away from this place of shadow and coldness.

There is no light ahead, only vanishing sunset and darkness. The only light and warmth is behind, back across that gateway, that threshold. Light only if you look back, but none ahead, not this way, not on this path…

“Rand,” she said, touching his arm. “Let’s go back.”

“I have something I must do,” he said, not looking at her.

Something that should frighten him. Something that does not allow him to look back, towards light and warmth, but only ahead, towards growing darkness and lengthening shadows and cold and a fortress full of people and his enemy. Oh, Rand, no.

His face was clasped in shadow, but as he turned toward her, his eyes reflected the light from the open gateway.

Shadow ahead, consuming him, but as he turns towards her, towards Min, towards one of his last anchors even though she’s not enough to hold him back now, there’s a remnant of light there. But that’s all it is. A reflection, a remnant, a memory if you’ll pardon my extreme overuse of that particular pun.

The sun set; Rand was now just a silhouette. The fortress was only a black profile with lanterns lining the holes in its walls. Rand stepped up to the lip of the ridge, removing the access key from his pocket. It started to glow just faintly, a red light coming from its very heart.

As ominous and frightening as this is, it’s also an absolutely lovely image. Everything in silhouette, Rand merely a shape, an outline, a space in the world rather than a person. A role that must be filled, a silhouette that shows no human features, no identifying marks. Just a shape, a darkness against the setting sun. A fortress that, too, is no more than a shape, an outline, a representation rather than a reality.

And then just this glowing light of power. Outlines and representations and roles, and power, and all else fades. It’s terrible but it’s so, so lovely.

He’s going to destroy it isn’t he?

“Neither of you were there when Callandor failed me,” he said into the night. […] “Cadsuane told me that the second failure came from a flaw in Callandor itself. It cannot be controlled by a lone man, you see. It only works if he’s in a box. Callandor is a carefully enticing leash, intended to make me surrender willingly.”

Okay why are we talking about Callandor now? No doubt because he’s holding the access key, but still. Does it have to be a willing surrender? And Rand, it’s need not be a box, or a leash. Willing surrender has its place; trust has its place. But he cannot do either anymore, and after the Domination Band is it any wonder he would see Callandor as simply a more elaborate trap?

The access key’s globe burst alight with a more brilliant colour, seeming crystalline. The light within was scarlet, the core brilliant and bright.

Light – strong, brilliant, bright light – but terrifying. Light against the shadow and darkness of night, but there is no sense of warmth or comfort to this.

“I see a different answer to my problems,” Rand said. Voice still almost a whisper. “Both times Callandor failed me, I was being reckless with my emotion. I allowed temper to drive me. I can’t kill in anger, Min. I have to keep that anger inside; I must channel it as I channel the One Power. Each death must be deliberate. Intentional.”

Once, you tried to use Callandor for life rather than death…but of course the solution is to be colder, to be harder, to turn inwards rather than to surrender and rely on trust, or to care about the outcomes.

This whole passage is chilling in that quietly escalating way horrifying things are. The way the light from the access key keeps growing as Rand speaks, the way we’re given this alternation between descriptions of it and Rand’s calm, emotionless words against that escalation of building power and brilliant light and yet nothing but cold…it’s so well done, and the sense of anticipation and dread is excellent.

Min couldn’t speak. Couldn’t phrase her fears, couldn’t find the words to make him stop.

There are no words to make him stop, Min, and that’s what makes it both so terrifying and so heartbreaking. Even he couldn’t find a way to make himself stop; he knew this should frighten him. But it doesn’t, and if they cannot stop him, none can. Nothing can. There are no limits, no restraints, and this is what that means.

His eyes remained in the darkness, somehow, despite the liquid light he held before him.

That says it all, really, doesn’t it? Despite the brilliant light he holds, despite all this power, his eyes are in darkness, because that’s all he can see before him now.

That light hurled shadows away from his figure, as if he was the point of a silent explosion.

The only light is from the gateway behind him and he cannot look back; the only light is from the immense power he holds but he cannot let himself feel, and so all is in darkness though he is the champion of Light, holding light and wreathed by light, yet all he sees is darkness, and all the light does is throw more shadows. A brilliant light, but the shadows it casts from him…a force of light, and yet who stands to gain? A champion of the Light, and yet with this cold, unfeeling, unfettered power, which side does he truly serve?

And Min and Nynaeve are just watching, because what else can they do? What can anyone do?

When he’d been so close to killing her with his own hand, she hadn’t feared him. But then, she’d known that it wasn’t Rand hurting her, but Semirhage. But this Rand – hand aflame, eyes so intent yet so dispassionate – terrified her.

Oh Min. She has stood by him through so much and never turned away, never flinched, never feared him. No matter what he did, or what people thought he had done, or what so many feared him capable of. Always she stood by him in love, and if she was afraid it was for him, never of him. Now even she fears him. And still nothing is said of the bond between them, of what she feels through it or perhaps what he does.

“I’ve done it before,” she whispered. “I once said that I didn’t kill women, but it was a lie. I murdered a woman long before I faced Semirhage. Her name was Liah. I killed her in Shadar Logoth. I struck her down, and I called it mercy.”

It was mercy. A painless death, ‘gone before her agony began’ as I think it was phrased, or the torment of Mashadar? There’s no question.

He turned to the fortress below.

No.

Oh, no.

“Forgive me,” he said, but it didn’t seem directed at Min, “for calling this mercy as well.”

...

...

That sound you might have heard was me literally, quite literally, gasping out loud.

It is, perhaps, the most perfect line that could have been written there—

Something impossibly bright formed in the air before him

—because this is unforgivable; this is not mercy; he knows it, and does not expect the forgiveness he asks for. Just as he knew this should frighten him but it did not. There is nothing for him now, nothing to hold him back, and there will be no forgiveness but he believed that the moment he reached for the True Power, the moment he killed Semirhage, the moment he stepped across that line. He asks forgiveness here the same way Lews Therin cried for Ilyena’s forgiveness: with the assumption – no, the certainty – that it could never be granted, that there will be no absolution.

The air itself seemed to warp, as if pulling away from Rand in fear.

The world afraid of him. The land is one with the Dragon and yet now even the wind pulls back from him, turns away from him, fears him.

Min could no longer make out Rand, only a blazing, brilliant force of light.

Before, he was a silhouette. Just a shape in the darkness, to be filled in. Now…similar, and yet opposite. Not a person, still, but a shape made of light. The Light’s champion, the Dragon Reborn, a being of sheer power and light rather than flesh and humanity.

Light, but terrifying, because there is no humanity to it, nothing of Rand in that shape of power, nothing to contain it and direct it. Unfeeling light, that could burn anything it touches, with no sense of meaning. Rand is gone, subsumed by this force, by the outline of what he must be, by all he has let go of himself, to feed this force of light until it is as destructive as any darkness could ever be.

This is light unfettered, and it’s terrifying. He has gone too far; he is too far gone, and this is what it looks like when that is unleashed.

In that moment, she felt as if she could understand what the One Power was. It was there, before her, made incarnate in the man Rand al’Thor.

Except there’s nothing of Rand to it; he has emptied himself of that, to become little more than a vessel for this power and for the duty and role he must take on, because that is the only way he could find.

It’s still beautiful, though. Despite what he is undoubtedly about to do, despite what this power is building towards, despite all its destructive potential.

And then, with a sound like a sigh, he released it.

Ahhhhhhh this is perfect.

All this power, this blazing force, this sense of something bursting to light, of power that can barely be contained…and then this breath of softness. With a sound like a sigh. The contrast of force and gentleness, of furious power and a soft sigh, so much destructive potential and energy and very likely death, released so gently, so quietly. Easily, almost. So light, for such a weight. This is absolutely gorgeous.

Just a sigh. Just a breath. That moment of almost quiet, of gentleness and softness and simplicity before…well. It’s almost long enough to forget where this is leading, almost enough, with the paragraph before it of pure light and power and Power, to make this only a moment of beauty. Except.

A column of pure whiteness exploded from him and burned across the silent night sky

And here is the violence. There’s the gathering of power, the potential, then that sigh of gentle release…and then it all hits. It’s like that effect you sometimes see in movies where everything is slowed, everything is quiet, and then just at – or sometimes just after – the moment of impact, sound returns and everything is jolted back to its ordinary speed and that brief moment of soft waiting out of time is lost.

The stones came alight, as if they were breathing in the force of the energy. The entire fortress glowed, transforming into living light, an amazing, spectacular palace of unadulterated energy. It was beautiful.

It is beautiful; this whole scene has been beautiful, but. It’s balefire. It has to be; he knows now that nothing else can absolutely kill the Forsaken beyond the possibility of resurrection.

So.

It was beautiful.

And then it was gone.

Yeah. That.

He just.

This is the thing I’ve been waiting for. The point where he crosses that last line, not just for himself but for all to see.

Well, those few remaining who matter, anyway. Those who have – had? – not yet turned away from him.

Burned from the landscape—and the Pattern—as if it had never been there. The entire fortress, hundreds of feet of stone and everyone who had lived in it.

Yeah.

It’s such an exquisitely done scene, the quiet but inexorable approach, the ‘forgive me for calling this mercy as well’ and then the sense of simplicity and silence, and yet immense gathering power, and then that single quiet moment of release, the whole thing beautiful and lit only by the fading light of the sunset and then the brilliant light of destruction, silence and beauty and power. And then devastation, but even in that, silence. Nothing remains; there is no visible destruction, no visible harm, nothing to draw feeling or pain. There’s just…nothingness. Emptiness. Void. (The Dragon is one with the land…)

Something hit Min, something like a shocking wave in the air. It wasn’t a physical blast, and it didn’t make her stumble, but it twisted her insides about. The forest around them—still lit by the glowing access key in Rand’s hands—seemed to warp and shake. It was as if the world itself were groaning in agony.

And this is where reality returns, where that silence and softness and beauty is broken, where the true force of the devastation hits. Because there is damage; there is pain. The world itself has been shaken here, the Pattern torn. There’s no visible damage, but beneath that, reality itself is being pulled apart. It’s not a quiet, beautiful, consequences-free display of power. It’s not mercy.

So this scene echoes something of his own state of mind, gives us an outward expression of just how far he has gone, of what he is doing not just to himself but to the world he is meant to save. That’s what this is here for. This is the cost, of what has been done to him and of what he has done to himself as a result. This is where we stand now.

This is a lot.

And one of the things that’s so well done about it is this sense of…not numbness, quite, but of delayed impact. Of understanding without feeling, of observing what is happening as it happens, yet in such a way that the description doesn’t quite allow for horror until afterwards, and even then…all of it is softened; it’s presented clearly, and there’s no blurring of details, but that sense of quiet and gentleness and beauty, the focus on the power itself rather than on its effect until later, the way we just get ‘It was beautiful. And then it was gone.’ with none of the signs that would ordinarily be associated with violence or death or destruction; just beauty and then nothingness…it conveys, wonderfully, the state of mind in which this was done. The emptiness, the sense almost of surreality even as what is happening is all too real. And then it’s done, it’s gone…and then we get the horror, as the impact hits Min and the world shakes and the full truth of this strikes home.

It’s not the immediate shocking ‘no’ or ‘it is HIM’ of The Last that Could Be Done. It’s a different kind of horror, a different kind of realisation, a different kind of impact. And yet they are inextricably linked; that is what led us here. (That, and everything that came before it).

“What have you done?” Nynaeve whispered.

Yeah.

It’s…yeah. A Force of Light indeed.

And again, the pacing here is excellent, in the way that we’re given such a long, almost gentle scene of the buildup and the actual releasing of the power…and it’s not until the moment that it strikes that everything snaps back into place, and we’re brought back to something like normal speed as the impact hits, and now we’re back to reality, after that long dilated moment that seemed to hang suspended. And so now all the realisation is happening, all the reactions you’d expect, and that comes through to the reader as well, with this sense of ‘wait this actually just happened’.

Rand didn’t reply. Min could see his face again, now that the enormous column of balefire had vanished, leaving behind only the glowing access key. He was in ecstasy, mouth agape, and he held the access key aloft before himself as if in victory. Or in reverence.

Only now, now that we’ve had the chance to take in a little more of what has just happened, now that we’ve felt that resulting impact and taken a second to understand the enormity and the truth of it, now we get to see Rand through a slightly different lens, see what this actually looks like, and see not the soft, silhouetted emptiness or power or bright pure light, but the horror behind it. This image isn’t beautiful or gentle; it’s jarring and terrible. He’s just destroyed a city, burned it out of existence, but all we see is ecstasy, a man almost consumed by this power that just moments ago seemed beautiful.

Or in reverence. If that had come earlier, when he was just a figure of light and power, before all of it was unleashed, when it was still a force of light and frightening in its way but beautiful, that line would read very differently. Yet instead it’s here, where the sheer wrongness of it comes through, where it feels jarring and warped and ominous.

Then he gritted his teeth, eyes opening wide, lips parted as if he were under great pressure. The light flashed once, then immediately vanished. All became dark.

The light vanishes immediately now, after…that. And once more we’re in complete darkness, which again feels like a revealing of the truth.

Had he really done what she thought he had? Had he burned away an entire fortress with balefire?

Yes. Yeah. He did that.

Yeah. 

And again, it’s paced so that only now do we get the stark statement of it, as part of this growing horror of realisation.

All those people. […] They were gone. Burned from the Pattern. Killed. Dead forever. […] So many lives, ended in an instant. Dead. Destroyed. By Rand.

Now it’s all short, fragmented sentences, or even single words, as reality has hit and she’s trying to encompass it, trying to put it to words but it hardly even goes.

It’s not as if Rand hasn’t caused death and destruction before. But in a world where rebirth is a guaranteed part of life – and when the continuation of that cycle is a large part of what he’s supposed to be fighting for in the first place – this is different, because he’s taking even that away.

And it’s also just the way approached this. This wasn’t desperate self-preservation, or a battle, or a war. This wasn’t even losing control of his power and killing his own people as a result. This was planned, calmly and coldly; he stood on a ridge and looked down at this palace and wiped them from existence without a sound, without a fight, without warning or care.

I suppose whether or not that makes it worse than what he’s done before depends on whether you consider intent or only outcome in your morality, but it is undeniably a different situation.

Strategically, it was clever. How do you beat someone who is smarter than you are? Refuse to play the game, and then destroy it completely. Send in a pawn, then stand on a ridge and wipe the gameboard from existence. It’s a good solution.

It’s just also…well. That.

A light appeared from Nynaeve, and Min turned, seeing the Aes Sedai illuminated by a warm, soft glow of a globe above her head.

It’s fitting, that she is the source of light here. A gentle, soft light, so unlike the power Rand just unleashed. A guiding light, a beacon of sorts if only he could follow it.

“I do what must be done,” he said, speaking now from the shadows.

Speaking now from the shadows indeed. I see what you did there.

And now he just wants her to see if the Compulsion is still present in Ramshalan’s mind, because still he’s the canary here.

“I hate what you just did, Rand,” Nynaeve snarled. “No. ‘Hate’ isn’t strong enough. I loathe what you’ve done. What has happened to you?”

Nynaeve, who has always seen him as Rand al’Thor before the Dragon Reborn, who has never truly stopped seeing him as the boy from her village, even as she has recognised the changes in him. Who reached out to try to heal him, after he faced Rahvin and told her he wasn’t sure how human the Dragon Reborn could afford to be. Who linked with him to cleanse saidin, and who never hesitated to scold him when she thought he needed it. But now she’s seeing him differently, because this is so much different from any of what she’s seen before. This is too far; this is across that last line.

Before, he was irredeemable mainly in his own eyes. Now…

(‘Dream on my behalf, Nynaeve’)

“Before condemning me, let us first determine if my sins have achieved anything beyond my own damnation.”

Wow okay that’s a line.

Ends before means. But he knows, without any doubt, that he has damned himself. He cannot see any possibility for redemption, is certain he will not be forgiven, knows this is an act to condemn. He just…sees it as an inevitability, and thus as something to simply accept and let go. He is damned; so be it. What more does it matter? And so it’s all about the results now; the methods no longer matter because what more could be done to him, that he has not done to himself already?

Only it’s not just about him, it’s about the entire world; he could end existence and carry all of them into this damnation he has already accepted for himself as a guarantee.

Okay the Compulsion is gone but I’m not quite as sure as Rand is that Graendal is dead. The evidence would point that way, but we didn’t see her die and there’s no corpse and in this genre, that spells ‘suspicious’.

Min felt at her neck, where the bruises of Rand’s hand on her neck hadn’t yet faded.

Yikes.

Min, too, looks at him differently now. This has made her do that, when nothing else he has done ever has. This is where he crosses the line.

And has he? I live for this sort of thing, for watching as characters are dragged to moral event horizons and made to do cartwheels on them, so I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying this, awful as it is. But I’m also fascinated by where those lines are drawn and how they can be manipulated and how characters can be pushed across or pulled back from them, and at what point a character truly tips into irredeemability. I think it’s different for every reader, and depends on all kinds of other factors, but that’s part of what makes it interesting.

So where is Rand, with respect to that line? We watch this scene through Min’s eyes, as even her view of him is forced to change. We see Nynaeve struggle to express how much she hates what he’s just done. And so as a reader it puts us in the position of wondering much the same thing – how far is too far? Is this too far? Can he come back from this and if so, how?

“How do you fight someone smarter than yourself?” Rand whispered. “The answer is simple. You make her think that you are sitting down across the table from her, ready to play her game. Then you punch her in the face as hard as you can.”

Well. I can’t really argue with that, as it’s very close to the way I answered that question earlier. And he’s not wrong, strategically speaking.

It’s just that the reason it’s a good strategy is because it’s so far beyond what anyone would even fear to expect. Because it’s so far across that line. Especially with no threat, no warning. Just zero to balefire in a few seconds, because it’s the only way to completely annihilate the game and opponent.

(I’m probably not the only one thinking of certain…decisive actions taken near the end of the second World War here.)

And then he just turns and walks back though the gateway, calm and without looking back. It’s done; time to move on.

“What you have done is an abomination, Rand al’Thor,” Nynaeve said as soon as the gateway was closed.

But all he does is justify it. Calmly. Last time they spoke, her words reached him on some level and he told her to dream on his behalf and there was just a hint of Rand still there. He dismissed her concerns, but he also agreed with them, and there was that moment of…not vulnerability, or even emotion, but a sort of wistful echo of both, a handing over of the hope he could no longer let himself hold.

Now, though, it’s just flat justification. And it’s different as well because this isn’t Nynaeve telling him that he’s destroying himself. This is Nynaeve being forced to consider that he’s destroying other people, destroying the world perhaps. It is an abomination; this isn’t about concern for him anymore. It’s now about facing someone who has done something monstrous, and she can’t get through to him.

He knows it’s an abomination. He just doesn’t…think that matters anymore.

Which is horrifying.

As Nynaeve is realising, I think.

Though it’s telling that she even tries to confront him, rather than simply walking away. That’s not her way. This is abhorrent on every level, and she doesn’t know what to do with that, but still it’s not in her nature to just give up. But it’s…different from when she just wanted him to stop hurting, wanted to help him, or wanted to protect him.

“I did them a favour.”

“A favour?” Nynaeve asked. “Rand, you used balefire! They were burned out of existence!”

“As I said,” Rand replied softly. “A favour. Sometimes, I wish the same blessing for myself. Good night, Nynaeve.”

Um.

Second of all, that…sounds perhaps like Moridin, which is a whole lot even on its own, but first of all…um.

I just…

I don’t even think I can summon a ‘this is fine’ because this is so far away from fine it’s in another dimension entirely and ‘as I said, a favour’ and he does hate what he’s done, hates it and hates himself enough that he wants to be wiped from existence and thinks he deserves it, but…it’s not enough to stop him. Because what’s the point?

A favour. A mercy.

It’s…he is coming very close, with this, to a ‘wouldn’t it be kinder, more merciful, to just end it all?’ sort of moment. Which is rarely the province of heroes, but that’s where Rand has been driven. He wants to die, and he no longer lets himself care about costs, and he believes he is damned and that there is nothing he can bring to the world but more destruction, and even a fragile peace is doomed to fall apart at his death anyway so what does it matter; he wants to die and he shares a link with a man who seems to want existence itself to be destroyed, and how far is he from looking at that and calling it mercy? It’s so much easier to burn everything with cleansing (bale)fire, to put an end to pain, than to find a way forward, a way to rebuild. To break the cycle rather than embrace it. It’s easier to end the suffering by an ending, rather than by continuing. There are no beginnings or endings to the Wheel of Time, after all, so providing an ending…

It would be a victory for the Shadow, but how far is Rand from seeing it as a…force of Light?

Until that moment, [Min] hadn’t realised just how drained she was. Being around Rand lately did that to her.

Oh Min. I feel like it would be laughable at this point to point out that that’s not exactly the sign of a healthy relationship, but she doesn’t even consider abandoning him. Still, their relationship is more…strained, now. She still loves him, and he her, I think, but it’s…harder, now, than it once was.

“I wish Moiraine were here,” Nynaeve muttered softly, then froze, as if surprised to have heard herself say that.

Pretty much speaks for itself. It’s a nice way to close that arc that began almost at the start of EotW. I hope Nynaeve and Moiraine have a chance for a reunion, to truly bring closure there, but there’s so much growth and understanding in just that simple statement.

“What if he’s right?” Nynaeve asked. “Woolheaded fool though he is, what if he really does have to be like this to win? The old Rand could never have destroyed an entire fortress full of people to kill one of the Forsaken.”

“Of course he couldn’t have,” Min said. “He still cared about killing then! Nynaeve, all those lives…”

“And how many people would still be alive now if he’d been this ruthless from the start?” Nynaeve asked, looking away.

That seems…huh. I was about to say that seems very much out of character for Nynaeve, the one who almost always chooses compassion over pragmatism. But I wonder if that’s kind of the point; it’s out of character for her because he has absolutely no idea how to confront what just happened, how to process it or make sense of it.

And so maybe because she’s trying to look at it through something more like Moiraine’s pragmatism, or maybe just because she’s…lost, and grasping at anything at all, trying to put all this horror into some kind of coherent picture, trying to find a way to…not quite deny it, but make it make sense. I don’t know how much she truly believes any of what she’s saying here. 

“Can we dare send a man to fight the Dark One who won’t sacrifice for what needs to be done?”

Min shook her head. “Dare we send him as he is, with that look in his eyes? Nynaeve, he’s stopped caring. Nothing matters to him anymore but defeating the Dark One.”

“Isn’t that what we want him to do?”

(Isn’t that what we’ve asked him to do? Isn’t that what the world itself has demanded he do?) There’s an element almost of realisation in that question, of the enormity of the task he has been set. Of the fact that he is doing all this because of what they – the world entire – want and need him to do.

“Winning won’t be winning at all if Rand becomes something as bad as the Forsaken…We—”

“I understand,” Nynaeve said suddenly. “Light burn me, but I do, and you’re right. I just don’t like the answers those conclusions are giving me.”

Yeah, that feels like Nynaeve. She agrees with Min, and knows she does, but that’s a harder truth to face.

And apparently it comes with Cadsuane attached. First Moiraine, now Cadsuane…Nynaeve’s making all kinds of strides today.

“I dislike the woman, and I suspect she returns the emotion, but neither of us can handle Rand alone.”

I’m so proud of you, Nynaeve.

“Handle” Rand? That was another problem. Nynaeve and Cadsuane were both so concerned with handling that they failed to see that it might be best to help him instead. Nynaeve cared for Rand, but she saw him as a problem to be fixed, rather than a man in need.

I’m actually not sure I completely agree with Min here. I think the focus on handling rather than helping him is true of many, and probably more so of Cadsuane than of Nynaeve, but even Cadsuane I think does want to help him, for himself as well as for the world. She’s more or less said as much. Still, I’ll grant it with her; she’s tried too hard to manipulate rather than simply aid, and it has cost her.

Nynaeve, though…yes, she’s spoken sometimes of handling him, or of trying ot get him to do what she thinks he should, but it’s always seemed more like a holdover from when she was his babysitter, and now something of what she has become as an Aes Sedai. That’s just who Nynaeve is, to some extent. And the rest of their relationship really has been about her trying to do what she can to help him. She followed him and the others from Emond’s Field to try to protect them. She captured a Forsaken and went to Caemlyn in a dream just to have a chance of helping him in some way when she knew he could be in trouble, and at the end asked ‘at least let me heal you.’ She linked with him to help him cleanse saidin and has stayed by him since to try to help as she can and to protect him from what she sees as threats, and has tried at every possible opportunity to heal him (“how can it be enough, when you’re still bleeding?”). And then recently, in that conversation they had…she just wanted to get him to stop doing this to himself, because it’s destroying him. So yes, she’ll stand up to him and contradict him and push him. But she’s there, in the end, to try to help him however she can.

He’s just at a point, now, where he isn’t letting himself accept the help she or Min or anyone else can give.

Nynaeve stepped up to the front and knocked on the sturdy oak door; it was answered shortly by Merise. “Yes, child?” the Green asked, as if intentionally trying to goad Nynaeve.

“I have to speak with Cadsuane,” Nynaeve growled.

“Cadsuane Sedai, she has no business with you right now,” Merise said, moving to close the cottage door. “Return tomorrow, and perhaps she will see you.”

“Rand al’Thor just burned an entire palace full of people from existence with balefire,” Nynaeve said, loud enough to be heard by those inside the cottage. “I was with him.”

I have to laugh; I do love these kinds of moments, where one character just drops a truth like a bomb on everyone around them. That’s definitely news that will get you in to see Cadsuane at midnight.

And so Cadsuane and Sorilea and the others get the story, because this is not a time for withholding information or pettiness of any sort.

Oh, Rand, Min thought. This must be tearing you apart inside. But she could feel him through the bond; his emotions seemed very cold.

Mention of the bond, finally. And…there’s effectively nothing there. I think Min is right to some extent; it probably is tearing him apart inside, but he’s shut all of that off so completely that he can’t actually feel it, and so it’s just another necessity, just another reason to hate himself and reaffirm his belief that he deserves annihilation. There’s no more that can be done to him, so it’s just another thing.

“You were wise to come to us with this, child,” Sorilea said to Nynaeve. “You may withdraw.”

Nynaeve’s eyes opened wide with anger. “But—”

“Sorilea,” Cadsuane said calmly, cutting Nynaeve off. “This child could be of use to our plans. She is still close to the al’Thor boy; he trusted her enough to take her with him this evening.”

Okay, so maybe there is still plenty of space for pettiness. Not that Sorilea or Cadsuane would see it as such, but this is not a time for dismissing Nynaeve, or keeping things from her. They may not see her as Aes Sedai or as anything more than a child, but this is not a time to try to simply use her.

Though perhaps they’re giving her a chance:

“But can she be obedient?”

“Well?” Cadsuane asked of Nynaeve. They all seemed to be ignoring Min. “Can you?”

Nynaeve’s eyes were still wide with anger. […] Nynaeve tugged on her braid with a white-knuckled grip. “Yes, Cadsuane Sedai,” she said through clenched teeth. “I can.”

For this, she can. For this, she can swallow her pride and agree to obey even Cadsuane. That’s how important this is. It’s not about her pride or her assertion of authority or any kind of rivalry she has with Cadsuane for any reason. This is about what may be a last chance.

Come on, Cadsuane, the least you could do is reward her with the whole plan. But she won’t, and Nynaeve accepts even that. And for Cadsuane’s part…it doesn’t seem like she’s giving much, but Cadsuane is not a woman accustomed to making compromises. But there’s an element of grudging respect between them now; Cadsuane is testing her, but from her that means she’s giving Nynaeve a chance to prove herself, rather than dismissing her entirely. It is, in its own way, a kind of trust.

“Your part,” Cadsuane continued, “is to find Perrin Aybara.”

…What?

Why Perrin?

Does she intend to find Mat as well? Could this be anything at all to do with Verin’s letter to him? Trying to bring all three ta’veren together for some reason? It has to happen eventually, but how would that help with Rand’s whole…uh…inability to be a person right now?

Or maybe it’s about Perrin’s whole group? People from the Two Rivers, maybe? People from Rand’s home, to try to make him remember—oh. Tam is with Perrin. Or was, last we saw Perrin. Could that be part of it? His friend, his old village, his father…hmm.

Whatever the plan, someone would need to watch out for Rand. His deed this day would be destroying him inside, no matter what he proclaimed.

Destroying him, as he just destroyed. Tearing him apart, as he just tore at the fabric of reality. Fisher King indeed.

There were plenty of others worrying about what he would do at the Last Battle. It was her job to get him to that Last Battle alive and sane, with his soul in one piece.

Somehow.

No easy task. But she has not turned away from it, nor from him. She still wants to help him, still wants to look out for him and help him, still worries more about what he’s doing to himself than anything else. And she may be the last, or one of the last, who can look at him that way. He needs that, as he has needed that for so long, but if he can’t accept even that anymore, if it’s not enough to pull him back from this edge, not enough to keep him from doing what he’s done, what will be?

Next (TGS ch 38) Previous (TGS ch 36)

[forever-more-never-again]

Burning (Scene 2/?)

Prologue / Scene One  

*I do not own marvel or any MCU characters**Gif not mine*

Slow burn Natasha X (enhanced!Mutant!) Reader

Word Count ~2K

Warnings: Battle, Fighting, Death mentioned

I couldn’t wait! I had to post the next part. I’m so excited about this series you have no idea! Please feel free to pop into my ask box for anything. Should I start a tag list? Anyways, Enjoy this next part!

Prologue / Scene One / Scene Two / Scene Three / Scene Four / Scene Five /Scene Six / Scene Seven / Scene Eight / Scene Nine / Scene Ten

Masterlist

*Reader’s POV*

After the initial shock of seeing Aliens pour from a hole in the sky, I kept myself tucked to the side of the alley. I debated with myself about what to do.

If I helped protect the city, I was bringing the spotlight I’ve been trying to avoid right to me. But if I didn’t help, my conscious and guilt would never let me forget all the lives I could’ve saved.

I peered once more around the alley, surprised to see a group of people who appeared to be fighting the aliens while in costumes. I gasped, I recognized Captain America in the group.

My eyes wandered and landed on emerald green eyes looking directly at me. The woman was in all black with bright red hair. I raised my hands and took off my sunglass to get a better look at her as we continued to stare at each other.

I saw her take a step towards me before being brought back into the battle. I quickly walked towards the middle of the alley and shrugged off my coat and shirt, shaking my wings as they savored the freedom, no longer being restricted.

Now clad in just a sports bra and sweats, I jumped out of the alley right as one of the alien creatures attacked the woman I had seen earlier. Before I knew fully what I was doing, I felt the warmth of the fire as it burned out from my hands, charring the alien.

Now, even with withholding my name from the heroes, just a few minutes later, I was in the thick of the battle. For that was the only thing I could think to call it. When I was given orders to help and protect, my chest swelled with a strange emotion...pride.

I was keeping steady right under the portal, my wings slowly using the air currents and their power to keep me up. I looked around and realized I had to let my enhancement come into play.

I hated using it because, unlike my wings, I wasn’t born with them. They were given to me through experiments and torture when I was trapped in the base.

Searching within myself I found that foreign warmth and let it spread through me. I let it take control and without looking I knew that my once black wings would now be ignited by flames. My hair also held flames as it blew around my face and my hands glowed orange with barely contained fire. I knew that if anyone looked at my eyes they would see a swirling mess of reds and oranges.

I spotted an Alien fly towards the man called Thor, who was distracted trying to keep the portal from expanding.

I flung my hand out towards it and a stream of fire shot it out of the sky.

I saw the man I just helped look towards the source of the fire and seeing me, he nodded. I swore I could see a smile on the man’s face.

Shrugging it off, I went back to scouting from above. Without a way to communicate with the rest of the group, I was left to my own instincts and sight.

I looked back towards the man wielding lightning and saw that he was gone from the building. Looking around I saw him battling a couple Aliens on the ground.

I heard low growls and glancing up saw the Aliens pouring out of the portal now that there was no blocking them. Summoning up my inner fire, I blasted out a screen of flames across the sky. The area around me filled with the screams of Aliens catching fire and falling to the ground.

Suddenly I was overtaken by a memory of thirteen year old me tied down to an operating table, screaming as red liquid was pumped through my body, surrounding by people in lab coats who just stood around watching.

My fire started flickering as the images continued to flash across my vision. Without realizing it, the fire went out,my wings returned to their normal black color and stopped supporting me.

I started plummeting to the ground, screaming in agony, holding my skull as if it would explode if I let go.

I was brought back to reality by something large catching me out of the sky. My body jerked at the sudden stop of free falling.

Looking up, all I saw was green. I was being held by a giant green...person?

The thing looked down at me and I swore I could see emotions in its eyes. It gently brought me to the ground and let go of me so that I was standing on my own.

“Hulk!” A shout from the man everyone called Captain made the giant thing stand upright and turn around.

Hulk. Huh. Odd name.

I glanced around, trying to shake the memory from my mind. There was still an Alien Invasion to stop.

The woman from before came up to me. “Think I could get a lift to one of those?” She pointed up to one of the chariot type things the aliens were using to fly with.

I grinned at her, my wings already preparing for another takeoff, “Sure thing. Hold on.”

The woman wrapped her arms around my neck, sparking a strange sensation to spread through my stomach. I shook it off, jumping off the ground to one of the chariots. The woman let go, falling and landing on the back of one of the creatures. I watched in amazement as she took two knives and stabbed them through it to take control of its nervous system.

Shaking my head I flew up towards where the man in Iron was fighting off the creatures.

“You got some major power there, girl.” I could hear his smirk through his mask.

Shaking my head, I blasted a creature out of the sky, “Not by choice, Iron dude.”

“It’s Iron man sweetcheeks.”

I laughed and flew up and over him, taking his back.

I was close enough I could hear the team speaking to the man through their communications system.

I recognized the woman’s voice, “I can close it! Can anybody hear me? I can shut the portal down!”

The captain shouted, “Do it!”

Right then, both me and the man in Iron turned towards a strange sound. “Damn.” We looked at each other and then took off, “No, wait!”

“Stark, these things are still coming!”

The man looked at me when he responded, “I got a nuke coming in, its gonna blow in less than a minute. And I know just where to put it.”

He spoke to me, “You gonna cover me?”

I nodded, “I’ll keep them off you. You sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Not a clue.”

We reach the missile as it jets through the air. Stark catches it and wrenches it up towards the portal. I fly beside him, frying any aliens who try to come at him.

“Stark, you know that’s a one way trip.”

The man replied to the Captain as I looked sideways at him. I barely knew the man, but I respected him for the sacrifice that he was going to do to save his city.

Pretty soon we reached the portal, I hung back as the man flew straight into it.

It seemed that the whole world was holding its breath. I slowly drifted to the ground to stand with the rest of the fighters. My eyes grew wide as the remaining alien creatures spasmed and seemed to die on their feet.

Looking back up to the portal, I was terrified to see what looked to be an explosion headed right towards Earth.

The Captain spoke beside me, “Close it.”

I swung my horrified look to him. The Iron man was still inside that portal!

I crouched down to leap up, planning on finding him in that explosion. But before I could, there was a bang, and the portal disappeared.

I looked on in horrified amazement as I saw a lone figure fall out of the sky. “Look! It’s the Iron man!”

The rest of the team looked up at my exclamation. The lightning man frowned, “He’s not slowing down!” He swung his hammer in a move I knew would mean he was planning on flying up to catch him. My wings spread and I leapt into the air.

But before I or the man with lightning could catch him, the creature who they called the Hulk slammed into him and a building, bringing the Iron man down to the ground.

We all raced over to him. The lightning man ripping off the Iron Man’s mask, letting me have my first look at the man.

I hung near the back of the heroes as they all looked on in sorrow. It appeared that the man in Iron was dead.

The Hulk let loose a rage filled scream at the man’s face, and a grin found its way onto my face as the Iron man gasped and opened his eyes. “What the hell? What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me?” He glanced at me and smirked, “Except for her. I’d let her kiss me anytime.”

I scoffed, surprised to notice tears pricking the corners of my eyes.

The captain leaned back and sighed, “We won.”

I looked back over the block of New York. It truly looked like a war zone. Debri and destruction everywhere with alien bodies scattered between. I was barely listening as Iron Man talked about getting some sort of food.

I looked over when the Captain clasped a hand on my shoulder, “Hey. You really helped us out. If you want to come, we would love to have you on our team. What do you say? Want to become an Avenger?”

I looked at each face. Did I want to? I thought back over my years being a plaything for the men who held me captive, being made into a weapon.

I looked into the blue eyes who asked the question, “I’ll follow you guys.”

He nodded, looking pleased. The team headed towards the tower to finish up some loose ends and I hung back. I wanted to belong. To be a beacon of good and hope. But I also knew I had my own loose ends to deal with before I could truly commit to the heroes of New York.

So before they realized that I wasn’t following them, I took off down an alleyway. I quickly found another giant coat, apologizing to the people I stole it from, and covered up my wings.

I tried to wipe as much dust and grime as I could from my face before I disappeared through the chaos.