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daswarschonkaputt · 2 years

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Don't know what to do with myself. Read cpt8 of BTS & now I'm just floating in this ether of WTF. There are levels to fanfics, levels of skill and poignancy etc and this just blew my mind. I haven't written a review yet, forgive me that, haven't had the time. BUT. Needed a peek inside your head - that is if you're not exhausted. Kinn's progression felt more peripheral to Porsche's, of course, it's P centric. I'd love a guide from chp1 to chpt 8 of what he feels/thinks/goes thru. Only if poss.

okay before i get to my answer: when i started typing this, i expected it to be a broad little overview of kinn in each chapter, where he’s at, what he’s thinking. and then i started putting in quotes. and it got long. i’m not even sure how much of it makes sense. but, uh, enjoy?

i promised i'd get to your ask and i finally did!

okay, so i'm going to go very broadly here, but we'll go through chapter by chapter and talk a little about how kinn feels:

chapter one: the state of play and the product launch

when we join kinn and porsche, they've been engaged in their fake relationship for a week or so, and they've fallen into a beliigerent equilibrium. kinn is incredibly attracted to porsche, and is struggling with this, because the proximity that's forced by the ruse is not allowing him to put porsche out of his mind in a way that allows him to feel in control. to compensate for this, kinn exerts control over porsche in whatever ways he can: he controls how porsche dresses, how porsche interacts with his friends, how porsche does his job.

he's kind of a terrible boss to porsche during this time, i'll be real.

the product launch is almost a relief to him, i think, because porsche has been meekly swallowing all of kinn's domineering shit, and kinn can't figure out why that bothers him. so when porsche finally pushes back, acts out -- that's a reaction. it's a sign that kinn isn't the only one affected. they wind each other up.

and then porsche nearly gets killed. he nearly gets killed in a bathroom kinn dragged him into, left him in -- when kinn was nowhere in sight. this was an attack on porsche. and it's kinn's fault.

kinn's the one who finds porsche, by the way. porsche is covered in blood, unconscious, and has a dead body on top of him. kinn goes very rapidly into crisis management here -- he and his team get to work covering up the death. (because can you imagine the press shitstorm if someone got murdered at your product launch?)

a few details from porsche's convalescence: porsche is on a heart monitor because he got electrocuted; kinn stays with him during the first night until he's certain porsche is okay; kinn's gone the rest of the time not because he's giving porsche space, but because he's murdering like. everyone and anyone that might have had something to do with it.

kinn wasn't really great at hiding how freaked out he was by porsche's injury during this time -- and pretty much everyone in the compound realised from his reaction that oh shit, khun kinn really cares about this one. hence why everyone starts calling porsche khun porsche after this.

following him getting strangled, porsche is notably subdued. kinn notices this, and feels some kind of way about it, and then goes out to murder some more people.

(seriously, ppl asking for the kinn pov of the fic, word of god: he spends most of it killing people in porsche's name.)

when kinn comes back to the room and finds porsche missing, he goes looking for him, and finds him with tankhun. this is probably the moment that kinn goes from "he's hot and i care for him" to "oh shit i'm in so much trouble". the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach? no. the fastest way to a man's heart is through engaging with and indulging his family.

it's kind of a huge deal that porsche has not only humoured tankhun but, like, gotten on his level, engaged with tankhun's interests, hung out with him, talked to him, and not once treated him with anything other than compassion and respect.

and then. and then. after all this, porsche turns around and flawlessly extracts himself from kinn's little mind game with his bodyguards? kinn's mind is on fire. he's gone from wanting to fuck porsche (to get it out of his system) to something more, something terrifying, and he knows it's only going to get worse.

chapter two: the diamond auction, aka it gets worse

okay, so the kinn content this chapter is a little less. i will mention that this line:

“Since the incident, I’m not permitted to leave the Compound without a detail accompanying me, but because Kinn’s busy doing whatever the hell it is he’s up to these days, there aren’t enough men spare for me to be assigned my own security team..."

has to do with all the murder that kinn is doing in porsche's name. that's the whatever the hell kinn is up to these days. defending porsche's honour, under the paper thin excuse of protecting the best interests of his family.

kinn spends most of this chapter realising just how much trouble he's in with regards to porsche. because holy shit every successive moment they have together just hammers it home more. porsche makes tankhun leave the house. porsche leaves jaunty little notes for him signed kisses, porsche which can really only be read sardonically. porsche flinches when kinn goes for his neck, and then tolerates it, lets kinn touch him, even after he was strangled.

oh this bit:

“Kinn,” Porsche says, before he can think better of it. “Did you ever find out, who sent the woman from the bathroom?” Kinn glances over his shoulder. “Dead men tell no tales,” he says. “And those that are living are usually fairly unwilling, too.” Porsche nods. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “I guessed that.” Kinn pauses outside the bathroom. “Porsche,” he starts. Porsche waits. Kinn shakes his head. “Nevermind.”

i don't know precisely what kinn was going to say here anymore (this chapter was so long ago) but i imagine it was something like, are you okay? or maybe even, put it out of your mind, that's no way to live.

the other thing we have this chapter is porsche waking up in kinn's arms. word of god here: kinn's been waking up tangled in porsche for weeks and just quietly slipping out.

Vegas smiles as he slides into the booth opposite Kinn. “When I heard you were bringing a plus one, I didn’t know I would finally get to meet the infamous Porsche.” He holds a hand out across the table for Porsche to shake. “Your reputation precedes you. The way I hear it, you’ve got my cousin quite twisted out of shape.” [...] Porsche smiles. “I wouldn’t say twisted,” he says, as he takes Vegas’s hand. “Maybe a little bent.” Kinn chokes on his glass of whisky. He covers it with a cough. Vegas’s smile grows wide. “You’re funny,” he says, like it’s a compliment. “What’s someone like you doing with my grumpy cousin?” Porsche shrugs. “I like him,” he says simply.

pulling out the above conversation because porsche is very focused on vegas here, so we don't really get much in the way of kinn's reaction to this. i think this conversation really emphasises one of sheets!kinn's favourite things about sheets!porsche: porsche handles sticky conversations incredibly deftly, but not in a way that kinn would consider expected.

porsche doesn't smile and simper and use hidden barbs. he makes little jokes that skirt the lines of propriety (he makes a gay joke here, for example) but when he's asked a difficult question (what are you doing with kinn?) he doesn't overcomplicate it, he's plain, and apparently sincere: i like him. porsche is incredibly effective at controlling conversational flow, and presenting himself well -- it is no surprise that he immediately catches vegas's attention.

which leads us to

chapter three: post-diamond auction or lines have been crossed

this is a cop-out, but i talked about kinn's feelings this chapter here.

basically: kinn done knows he fucked up, and has to figure out how to make it right again with porsche.

chapter four: the new status quo

so porsche and kinn are very careful with each other this chapter, and we start to see them being more on the same page:

Or maybe Kinn, just like Porsche, is far too aware of how fragile the peace between them is, how tentative the new dimension to their relationship is, and is equally unwilling to be the one to make it crumble.

this, basically. porsche is 100% right here.

Fully dressed, Kinn looks back at him. He hesitates. Then he crosses the distance between them, and places a hand on Porsche’s cheek. Kinn kisses him sweetly. Slowly. Like he’s giving Porsche a chance to run. Porsche doesn’t take it. Kinn draws back, eyes searching Porsche’s face. Porsche doesn’t know what he sees. Kinn inhales and nods to himself. Smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. And then he leaves.

kinn this chapter is determined to let porsche set the pace and porsche is oblivious to this. every time kinn initiates affection, he checks porsche for some sort of reaction -- he wants to make sure he's not pushing porsche for more than he's willing to give. he's determined not to cross another one of porsche's boundaries.

porsche? porsche is just like "wow sure is weird how kinn keeps kissing me (love that) and then backing off, definitely don't know what that's about, oh well, i'll let him set the pace".

they're idiots, your honour.

also:

Kinn’s eyes on him are unreadable. Porsche pauses, hesitating. Before he can let go, or ask, Kinn leans in, and kisses him on the corner of his lips. The moment hangs between them. Kinn watches him, before he shakes his head. “I’m going to sleep.”

this is the next kiss kinn initiates with porsche. note how it's much more chaste than the first one. kinn is adjusting the intimacy to try and find where porsche is most comfortable with it.

this entire chapter is very much them figuring out where they stand now in their relationship. porsche is trying to figure out if he can live with his feelings for kinn, and kinn is trying to figure out if porsche feels the same for him that he does.

the last thing i want to say this chapter is that i have a petty dislike for the fake relationship trope where the two characters have to kiss to sell the charade and then are never sure if they're being kissed because they like each other or if it's just for the sake of the lie. i know it's a beloved part of the trope for some, but to me it always just felt a bit... eh, cheap? it gets dragged out way too long. like, if the driving force of the drama in a relationship is the characters simply refusing to talk to each other, i'm going to need a little bit of a better reason for them not to talk to each other than a fear of unreciprocated love. you'll notice that this part of the trope is fully absent in the fic. porsche and kinn don't kiss in front of others. to sell the relationship, they're in each other's space a lot, but those things are fully separate from the steps they take when they actually fall into a relationship together.

(i really wasn't lying when i said i didn't like fake dating aus all that much.)

anyway, onwards:

chapter five: porsche comes back after his home visit

so, last time on between the sheets: porsche goes home to visit chay and is promptly attacked by an armed death squad of nine men. chay gets traumatised. pete gets a concussion.

Kinn is waiting for them, when they pull up in front of the Compound. He’s fully dressed, albeit less put-together than he usually is. He’s surrounded by bodyguards.

don't think about kinn getting woken up by one of his bodyguards, don't think about him startling awake and pointing a gun at their face (an instinct that has mostly gone away after sharing a bed with porsche for so long), don't think about him dressing hurriedly, don't think about him coordinating the main family response, don't think about him waiting for porsche to arrive, full of anxious energy, knowing that porsche is fine, that he's uninjured, but being unable to trust it until he has porsche in front of him.

Porsche reaches to press the button for his rooms – but Kinn interrupts and selects the floor of his suite, instead. Porsche tries to communicate just how little he’s prepared to bend, tonight. “I’m not making my brother sleep on your couch.” Kinn gives him a strange look. “Of course not.” Porsche lets it lie.

this came up a couple of times in the comments section for this chapter, but i'm going to really spell it out here: porsche and kinn are mirrors of each other, in so many ways. and just as to porsche is was a no-brainer to engage with tankhun, get on tankhun's level, talk to him, respect him -- it's a no-brainer for kinn to take care of chay. of course chay gets the bed? duh? why are they even talking about it?

“Yeah,” Porsche says, sitting down. He hesitates, momentarily, before sliding closer to Kinn, resting his head on his shoulder. Kinn’s arm wraps around him without comment.

well, well, well, if it isn't porsche initiating affection with kinn, and kinn immediately and without comment matching that affection. and if it isn't porsche being utterly oblivious to this all the while.

but yeah, jokes aside, kinn has been waiting for porsche to set the level of intimacy he wants, waiting for him to initiate something. when he gets it, he doesn't hesitate to match it. kinn would give porsche literally anything he wanted from him. which is just as well, because --

He closes his eyes. “Tell me something true,” he says. He feels Kinn exhale. “What do you want to know?”

kinn just wrote porsche a blank check.

i've pulled this out a few times before, but i do want to draw your attention to the fact that this is an uncanny echo of something we find out about kinn’s relationship with tawan later:

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done? At one point, Kinn had seen that question as the height of romance. Tawan asked it, naked in bed with him, the words slowly drawn out of his lips as he walked his fingers up the inside of Kinn’s thigh.

tawan played truth games with kinn. he pulled kinn’s truths out of him bit by bit -- and kinn gave them to him, because he desperately wanted a romantic partner who would listen to the awful truths of his life and accept them unflinchingly:

For the person Kinn had been at nineteen – conflicted, lonely, desperate to be looked at unflinchingly – it had been the ultimate act of seduction.

and to be clear, these echoes are not a mystery to kinn. he knows that tawan wasn’t asking him these things because he wanted to absolve kinn’s since -- he knows it was about information, and selling that information. but kinn doesn’t shut down porsche’s question. he doesn’t say no. he doesn’t even hint at this reflecting something of tawan.

what do you want to know?

Kinn’s hand threads through Porsche’s hair. “My secrets aren’t very pleasant, Porsche.” “Tell me anyway.”

kinn’s comment here is a check-in with porsche. it’s him saying, this isn’t going to be a fun story, porsche. he’s making sure porsche knows what he’s asking for.

Kinn’s fingers twist through the hair at the base of his skull. “The writing had been on the wall for a long time, by that point,” he says. “We all knew that Khun wasn’t going to take over from Dad. But up until that moment, there had been some—distant part of me, that still thought, still hoped, that one day, Khun would just—wake up, and be better. He’d be his old self again. But when I shot those two men, just so he wouldn’t have to – that was when I knew. He wasn’t getting better. He wasn’t coming back. And it was selfish of me to hope he would.”

when i was writing this fic, i was throwing a lot of ideas at the wall for theerapanyakul backstory, just to see what stuck. i knew that i wanted to have kinn talk about tankhun’s kidnapping at some point, but the shape of that conversation changed a lot as i wrote the fic.

originally, this story was in a slightly different form, and existed in chapter four, to explain tankhun’s actions in chapter three, when he makes porsche’s room more tactically secure. bear with me, because it’s not entirely written -- very much draft form:

Eventually, Kinn looks away from the bed. “Did I ever tell you about the last time Khun was kidnapped?” Porsche feels his entire body go still. Since coming to work for the Theerapanyakul family, Porsche has garnered a new appreciation for the horrible truths that lurk beneath the surface of each conversation. They aren’t secrets – it’s hard to hide that sort of earth-shattering tragedy in a household like this – but they’re treated like them all the same. Porsche knows the incident Kinn’s talking about. It was in Tankhun’s file, just a few short sentences that implied a lot with what they didn’t say. Porsche reaches for another pair of socks. “No,” he says, determined to keep moving, keep his voice casual. “I know a little, though. It was eight years ago, right?” “Khun was in university back then,” Kinn says. “He’s always been—eccentric, but it wasn’t so bad, back then. He left the house for classes, even if he mostly kept to himself. He was—shy. He only really spoke to his bodyguards.” Porsche knows how this part of the story ends. That’s what makes it so hard to hear. “One of the men on his detail sold him out,” Kinn says. “He had an exam on campus, and his bodyguard picked him up – and drove him straight into the hands of his kidnappers. When we got him back, he was—different. He wouldn’t sleep – he had to be sedated. It was—awful. He was like a wounded animal. Feral. He fought viciously, every time we put him under.” Kinn huffs. “Arm was very new at that point. I think he’d only been under contract maybe four weeks – Chan wasn’t even done training him. He wasn’t even on Tankhun’s detail formally – they put him on sedative duty to haze him. So, Arm walked into the room where I was trying to talk my brother down from murdering his nurse, and he just went, ‘Well, no wonder you can’t sleep. Look at this place.’”

but i ended up moving it into this chapter instead. the reason for this is that chapter four has kinn and porsche very careful with each other, neither one of them is really pushing things too far, careful not to upset the state of play. this level of vulnerability from kinn, volunteered without prompting, on a subject that concerns his brother at his weakest moment (i think kinn would have been more willing to share the story were it him who was portrayed at a less than amazing moment) -- i didn’t think it fit, at all.

ahem. sorry. the question was abt kinn pov. let’s get back to it.

Porsche kisses him. It’s—all he can think to do, in the face of all that. When he pulls back, Kinn’s face is crumpled. Vulnerable. Porsche traces the lines of his face, from his forehead, over his cheekbones, down to his chin.

this is everything that kinn-at-nineteen desperately wanted. he wanted someone to hear his awful secrets, to understand them for what they were, and love him anyway. no shit kinn is crumpled by this.

since tawan, kinn has built himself into a man who is almost beyond the things he wanted at nineteen. but he still wants them. he wants them so much. and porsche is giving them to him. it’s a lot.

Porsche rips Kinn’s hands off him. “That’s my brother,” he says, crossing the room to pull a pair of slacks out of one of the chests of drawers. If he chases Tankhun across the Compound half-dressed, Chan will hear about it and find time to lecture him on decorum, or some shit. “I know,” Kinn says calmly. “That’s my brother, too.”

pulling this bit out to again emphasise: porsche and kinn as mirrors of each other.

Porsche closes the drawer. “You really trust Tankhun with this?” Kinn shrugs. “I trusted him with you.”

this is one of my favourite lines in the chapter. kinn wins the argument with this one line.

one of the things that started in chapter four that continues this chapter is porsche and kinn actually communicating with each other. (this starts when porsche talks to kinn about his concerns re: pete on his detail.) even though he and kinn have an argument about chay -- they have an argument. porsche explains why he’s pissed with words, and kinn explains why he shouldn’t be.

i wanted to set up that kinn and porsche were actually talking to each other with this chapter to hint that something was going on with the next one: chapter six, aka kinn pov chapter.

chapter six: we check in with kinn

okay, this one’s kinn pov, but it’s kinn pov with a little hidden from the audience, so i’ll explain what went down a little.

“It’s not enough, Porsche.” “It’s my brother, Kinn. It was enough the moment they pointed a gun at his head.”

we get this snippet of conversation this chapter, and kinn’s internal commentary is meant to imply that this is the cornerstone of why he and porsche are fighting.

but here’s the thing: kinn and porsche are not fighting. they’re pretending to fight.

we eventually get another little bit from their argument:

“He speaks fluent English, Kinn. This is—it’s bullshit. You know that. Why else would he—” “So he lied to a cute boy to get an excuse to spend time together. There are thousands of things they can say to explain this, Porsche. “There was circumstantial evidence, not unlike this, linking the minor family to two of Khun’s kidnappings. It was—we knew it was them. They knew that we knew. But we couldn’t do anything. So much of my family’s business is traded on our reputation. We’re fair. We’re trustworthy. We don’t fuck people over on a whim. If we struck out against our own flesh and blood without solid proof—it would destroy our credibility. So it’s not enough, Porsche. I’m sorry, but it’s not.”

essentially, kinn won the argument. porsche acknowledged that kinn had a point, and that porsche was not going to be able to brutally murder vegas with no provocation. so porsche turned the question on kinn: what would be enough?

and then he sat with himself and asked himself, how can i get that?

at the point in time that chapter six is going on, porsche has determined that at the very least, one of the aims from all the attacks has to have been to drive a wedge between him and kinn. because when you pair all of the attacks on him with vegas’s snide comments that becomes pretty apparent. so, porsche’s position is why not let him think it’s worked?

hence why he and kinn are pretending to fight.

kinn goes out to a bar he doesn’t particularly want to go to, and he spills his woes to tay in front of his security detail. he wants this to become gossip. he wants this to get back to vegas.

and what do you know? the next thing that happens is tawan turns up.

chapter seven: porsche’s certain death mission

yeah kinn has like. the worst night of his life this chapter. it’s pretty spelled out in text, but let me state it plainly for y’all: kinn spends the entire evening waiting to hear that porsche is dead.

remember: none of the bodyguards they’ve sent into the minor family compound before have come back. none.

the other point of interest this chapter would be the flashback scene we get to what i consider to be the confession scene in the fic. (they say i love you in the last chapter of the fic, but to me, this is the moment when they put their cards on the table and admit their feelings. by the time they’re saying i love you in ch 8, both of them already know how they feel.)

i had a few comments from people who didn’t like what kinn said in this scene. and i know it comes across as a bit callous, “i’ll find someone to kill you” and all, but that’s not really how kinn intends it and it certainly isn’t how porsche reads it.

“If you’re taken, our first port of call will be to trade for you,” Kinn says. “We’ll dress it up differently, at the time – say we want to interrogate you personally, to figure out the real extent of the security breach – but both us and the minor family will know that’s a smokescreen to save face. I’ll do my best, Porsche, but I—can’t make any promises. “If that works, I’ll have maybe a week, that I can justify as interrogation.” Kinn’s eyes are focused on the window, like he can’t bear to look at Porsche’s face. “During that time, we’ll either have enough evidence to move against the minor family, in which case the matter of your capture becomes irrelevant – or I’ll find a way to get you and your brother out of the country. If you have to flee, I’ll say you died. That should—protect you, at least somewhat.”

kinn starts off with what he considers the best case scenario, if porsche is captured: the minor family fesses up to having him, and kinn gets an opportunity to trade for him. this isn’t necessarily all that unlikely as a series of events (the minor family would know damn well that porsche is a powerful prisoner to have because of his apparent closeness with kinn -- they’re publicly lovers, remember), but i want to emphasise to you all that this is a massive concession on kinn’s part.

remember guys, tawan is a massive stain on kinn’s reputation. kinn already compromised the safety of his family for his lover once. to do that again would be seen as repeating mistakes.

so just the act of being willing to trade for porsche -- that could cause unimagineable damage to kinn’s reputation. because the major family would have to disavow porsche’s actions, but kinn trading for him would imply that he was still willing to go out on a limb for his lover, even when he’s gone behind his back like this. this is not little. this is a big deal.

Porsche watches Kinn. “And if you can’t trade for me?” “Then I’ll try and find someone to kill you, quickly,” Kinn says. “It’s—too much, for a bribe, to get someone to help you escape. The minor family’s men know better than to take that sort of money. But—a jumpy guard, too quick on the trigger finger—it happens. Someone will take the money. You—I won’t leave you to suffer, Porsche. I promise that.”

kinn would have been content to leave it at that -- but porsche pushes. and kinn trusts him enough, loves him enough, to tell him the truth. it’s not pretty. it’s not the sweeping sort of romance you might expect. but it’s realistic, and it’s honest.

and i think that means a lot more.

this little bit, where kinn lays out what will happen if it all goes wrong -- this is kinn at his most transparent. there’s a line from chapter five i love a lot, because it’s kinn in a nutshell, and that applies here:

Kinn, with his gentleness and his cruelty – each one hiding the other.

from here on we get kinn pushing porsche back:

Porsche inhales. “Chay’s involved,” he says. It’s what he told Chan, back when he pitched his plan. “I can’t afford to play it safe, with him on the line.” Kinn looks at him. “Is it really just about him?”

what kinn’s really asking here is, “do you love me too?”

Porsche’s mouth feels bone dry. “No.” It scrapes out of him like it’s made of thorns. He can’t say more. That’s all he has. No. It’s not just about Chay.

and what porsche is saying here is, “yes, i love you too.”

kinn loves porsche enough to compromise his duty to his family for him. porsche loves kinn enough to compromise his duty to his brother.

and with that realisation, kinn realises abruptly that he cannot lose this. he has to do everything in his power to keep porsche safe.

and that means giving porsche his power, too.

“Porsche,” Kinn says, after a beat. “There’s something I want to give you, in exchange for a promise.” Porsche lowers his glass, and looks at him. Kinn’s holding something out to him in his open palm. When Porsche sees what it is, he feels something lodge in the back of his throat. “Kinn—” “Take this,” Kinn says, “and bring it back to me.” “Kinn.” “Porsche, please.”

the ring, babes. also: the only time kinn says please in the entire fic. he’s not a man that begs.

but he begs for porsche.

anyway, onto the finale:

chapter eight: they’re in love, your honour

Chan replied almost immediately with a patently unamused, Debrief on arrival. And then, a few minutes later, Kinn notified. Debrief pushed to tomorrow.

one of my favourite things to do is let readers fill in the gaps. so, here the gap is that whatever chan saw when he notified kinn that porsche was alive made him go, “you know what? i do not want to get in between this.” and that’s very valid of him.

also chan presses the button for kinn’s suite when he and porsche get into the elevator. because he knows.

Kinn inhales. “I didn’t want to drink alone,” he says, eventually. Porsche watches him closely for a few moments. It feels—heavy, being here, with Kinn, right now. He doesn’t know how to lift the mood – doesn’t know if he even really should. Porsche looks at the glass on the table. He looks back to Kinn. “Let me make you something else,” he says. Kinn stares at him. For a moment, Porsche thinks he’s going to say no. Then, he nods. Porsche feels some of the tension drain out of him. This is—he can do this.

okay, when i planned this chapter in my head, originally the sex was more “fuck yeah you’re alive” than what it ended up. but when i was writing the chapter, and i got to porsche coming back to kinn, i was like, “oh yeah, no, kinn’s just had the worst evening of his entire life.” and then i had to figure out how to get the mood back on track. because kinn’s relieved, but he’s also exhausted with worry, and i think there’s also a bit of resentment there -- because porsche did this to kinn. kinn didn’t ask it of him. this was porsche’s choice. hence:

Kinn pulls away. “I love you,” he says. “Don’t do this to me again.”

this line got workshopped a lot in the chapter, lmao. originally there was a bit of narration from porsche where he’s like “the confession is brutal, and utterly kinn. i love you, like a weapon. i love you, like a bargaining chip. i love you, like he knows what that means to porsche, and he’s tired of resisting the urge to wield it against him.” but i cut it because i figured that porsche actually knows and sympathises with what kinn’s gone through this evening. and he doesn’t want to do it to him again.

“I love you too,” Porsche says. “And—I’ll try.”

they tell each other the truth, even when it’s not what they want to say, or want to hear. that’s their love language. brutal honesty.

i’ve talked a little about their conversation before they have sex here so we’ll just slide on past that bit, even though it’s one of my favourite bits of the chapter.

oh, wow, closet scene my beloved. i forgot how much shit is in this scene. let’s start with the kim stuff:

“It was Kim, who discovered Tawan was selling family secrets,” Kinn says. “He came to me first, instead of Dad. That’s—it was a big deal. Dad was still the head of the family, back then. He should have been the first one told. But Kim came to me. And I—I yelled at him. “Tawan was my first serious relationship. I’d had flings before, but they were—quiet. I was hyperaware of the fact that Tawan was a man, and no-one in my immediate circle seemed to like him all that much, so I linked the two facts in my head. I felt like everyone was just waiting for us to break up, so I could go back to being plausibly straight. So when Kim came to me and told me that he’d been investigating my boyfriend, that he’d found all this evidence linking him to the Italians, I just—” Kinn inhales sharply. “I reacted badly. I was cruel. Needlessly so. And he’s never really forgiven me for it.”

i mentioned in another ask that the kinn/tawan relationship was probably emotionally abusive towards kinn, in sheets fic-verse, at least. it’s the chapter three ask that i linked earlier. here again in case you want to check it again.

okay so, to reiterate: tawan was incredibly good at isolating kinn from his support network. part of it was due to kinn’s own insecurities about openly dating a man, but a lot of it was tawan, and things tawan said. kinn still hasn’t fully dissected his relationship and identified just how toxic it was.

pretty much everyone in kinn’s immediate circle disliked tawan for one reason or another. tankhun had his own shit going on at the time, so he wasn’t really all that aware, but kim fucking hated tawan. he (rightfully) thought tawan was fake as shit, and suspected he was cheating on kinn. (he wasn’t. it was worse.) that was why kim started digging. tay didn’t really like tawan all that much, but got on with him for kinn’s sake.

and this dislike and tolerance of tawan was in turn used by tawan to isolate kinn further. (remember: tawan wouldn’t let kinn talk to his family about their fights, because tawan would be like, “they already hate me enough, you can’t keep talking badly about me to them,” blah blah blah.)

anyway, kinn still holds a lot of guilt for how everything with tawan went down. he isn’t really aware of all the ways tawan fucked with his head. he very much considers the situation as a time he should have known better.

and he feels especially guilty about snapping at kim, and to him (at least) ruining his relationship with his younger brother.

word of god here, that’s now how kim took it at all. kim didn’t take it personally at all. kim was like, “wow, this nasty ass bitch has really stuck his claws into my brother’s head.” he didn’t expect kinn to see the light -- so he went above kinn, to their father, who then laid down the law. (humiliating for kinn in the extreme, but it had to be done.)

so kim’s reading of the situation is that kinn is upset about everything and you know what? he has a reason to be. it was fucked. kim totally went behind his back and investigated his boyfriend, and then ambused him with it, and then humiliated him to their father. so. yikes, you know? he doesn’t really think he did anything wrong (because tawan was actually selling secrets) but he acknowledges that kinn’s probably hurt by it.

so kim’s giving kinn space. and then when kinn never crosses that space again, kim figures that that’s it, kinn’s never going to forgive him, which hurts a little, but kim doesn’t want anything to do with the mafia anyway, so it’s not like they have to interact anymore.

*slaps the theerapanyakul brothers on the back* these assholes can fit so much dysfunction into them!

anyway. ahem. the watch. oh man, the watch!!

okay, a minor thing in this scene but i love it a lot:

“What am I not getting?” Kinn asks, after a beat.

when kinn doesn’t figure out what’s going on with porsche, he just straight up asks. oh kinn, babe, you’ve come so far from “Your motives are a fucking mystery to me, right now, and I don’t have time to play your little mind games and figure them out.”

growth, guys. (also thematically leaving tawan in the dust. because with porsche, kinn knows that he can ask, and porsche will tell him. trust. i love them so much.)

Porsche doesn’t know how to put it into words. He tries, anyway. “If you wanted to,” he says, “you could cut me out of your life completely.” It sounds awful, put like that. Kinn’s face looks—hurt, as if Porsche is accusing him of something. “It’s not—I know that you won’t,” Porsche says. “But you could. I could be here, one day, and just—gone the next. And it would be easy, for you, to strip me out of your rooms, out of your life – and I wouldn’t even leave an imprint. But that watch was a birthday present from your father. You’re not going to get rid of it. And even though I’d be gone, you’d still have to wear it, have to see it in your drawers, and think about me. Even if it’s just a little, I want you to be—haunted by me, if I’m gone.”

would you guys believe that in the outline porsche just took the fucking watch? this was all off the cuff. it’s one of my favourite sentiments from the fic, all twisty and difficult, but very real for it.

i don’t think it bears saying but kinn’s hurt because he thinks porsche is accusing him of wanting to cut him out of his life. like porsche thinks that’s something kinn will actually do. (he doesn’t.)

“Okay, I’ll keep it,” Kinn says, as if Porsche’s dysfunctional needy shit is completely normal. “But I want you to wear it. I like seeing you in my things.”

i love this moment a lot. because porsche is well aware that what he’s saying is a little messed up, and not necessarily all that emotionally healthy, and he’s taken completely off-guard by how easily kinn accepts it.

but like, to look at this logically -- this a rational fear of porsche’s. the power differential is less pronounced now than it was when their relationship started, but it’s still there. and what porsche is asking (keep the watch) is a relatively small concession from kinn. what does it matter if kinn keeps the watch, in the long run? and kinn recognises both of these facts, weighs it up in his head, and is like, “sure, i’ll pay that price.”

because if kinn keeping the watch in name lets porsche feel more secure in their relationship, then why not?

kinn’s very pragmatic about these things.

okay onto brunch. there’s just one line i really want to pull out of this scene:

“My son,” he says. “Anakinn. You have made a very difficult choice. I hope you are prepared for it.” Mild as it may be, it sounds like condemnation to Porsche. But it doesn’t pull Kinn’s shoulders tighter – instead, he seems to—exhale, a little, following his father’s words.

why does kinn relax? because that’s what korn said to him when he told his father he was gay and he wasn’t going to hide it. this was originally spelled out in the chapter, but i couldn’t make it fit.

it’s acceptance. or as close as khun korn gets.

There’s movement beside him – Kinn and Tankhun kicking each other under the table.

i lied, here’s another line i want to pull out, because here tankhun is kicking kinn like, “your bodyguard kinn!!! you love him!!!!” and kinn takes it for like three kicks before kicking back. brothers.

*slaps theerapanyakul brothers on the back* these assholes can fit so much love into them.

Porsche still remembers Kinn’s markedly mild reaction, when he told him about the fight with Kim. Kim won’t thank me for fighting his battles, he said. If he’s holding a grudge, you’ll find out soon enough.

kinn really knows kim well. also, as i’ve said, porsche and kinn are mirrors -- and boy doesn’t kinn’s attitude towards kim (he can fight his own battles, and i trust him to do that) reflect porsche‘s attitude towards chay (he can manage his own relationships and i trust him to do that).

“Given that it was usually when I was too injured to go home to Chay, yeah,” Porsche says, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t fuck on Yok’s couch.” “But you fucked in her alleyway,” Kinn counters. “Jealous?” “Incredibly.”

porsche being jealous of kinn’s boytoys is out. kinn being jealous of porsche’s barroom hook-ups is in.

that’s prety much all i have for you guys. this was so fucking long. i’m sorry.

oh, wait. maybe this will be a nice way to sign this off. here’s a discarded snippet that was originally in the kinn pov chapter. this is kinn’s pov of porsche:

Porsche is—stubborn. He sees more than people give him credit for, but is mostly uninterested in engaging with any of what he notices. He’s excellent with people, in a way that Kinn could never hope to emulate if he tried – Porsche makes people feel at ease with him. They respect him without fearing him. He’s even-keeled, for the most part – he internalises his hurt, rather than turn it into a weapon with which to hurt other people. He's competitive, he’s principled, he’s—clever, in an unpredictable, understated kind of way.

in conclusion: he really loves him.

#fic: between the sheets #sheets dvd commentary #asked and answered #okay so #this ended up taking me so fucking long to type up #i don't even want to know how many words it is #i love kinn a lot #the fic is very much porsche's story but kinn really goes through some serious business character development too #man's unlearning all his toxic shit from tawan #anyway i'm exhausted #i'm going to bed #canon-typical content warnings

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miraculousrainbow · 4 years

Text

Sleeping In The Bathroom Is Better Than Home

Description:

Chat noir cannot stand being at home anymore and by chance stumbles upon Marinette wich turns into an unexpected sleepover

Hurt/comfort

Marichat (can be viewd as romantic or platonic)

Oneshot

Trigger warnings : mention of verbal abuse, mentions of neglect, discussions of bad mental health, bad mental health, insomnia, anxiety, trapping a child mention (ask to tag)

"Im done and sick of it"

He couldnt think straight, he just knew that he needed to get out as fast as he can

Plag popped out in a look of concern but before he could say anything Adrien already climbed out the window and yelled "Plagg claws out" and jumped out

His movement wasent his usual cat like swiftness

It was heavy and frantic

He was stumbling around in the dark and crashing into a wall or a random pole every once in a while but ignoring it as nothing happened and just, keeps going

He was going around blindly

With the only purpose of just, getting away

After a while of hanging about at the dark he calmed down a bit, but he was still fearful

His dad yelling still ringing in his ears and with each sound feeling like another hit

"Ignore it he insisted"

"You are here, you are safe, you are not at home anymore."

"You are safe." he whispered to himself loudly with a bit of a panic in his voice and a desperation to make these words feel true

But it was getting late he knew that soon he will need to go back home but he couldnt bring himself

He would rather sleep outside

"The only problem is that he would be an easy target for hawkmoth or criminals depending on the form"

"Or he could just stay a-"

His thought had been cut mid sentence while he was walking he realised he sees a familiar light and in the light had been basking a familiar figure

"Marinette!" He exclaimed with relief in his voice

"It was nice seeing a friend out here and a light source when everything else seems so dark and bleak and eerily quiet..."

"Chat Noir?" Marinette blinked trying to figure out where the dark ends and where the cat starts

"Its nice to see you" he said with a sheepishly smile

"Is there an akuma" Marinette eyes darted from place to place while her expression seemed so focused she wouldnt miss a fly

"Not tonight princess" he replied feeling a bit guilty he made her worry

A sigh of relief escaped the teen's mouth and her expression softened

And when she looked up to his surprise she looked like she is actually happy to see him

"So what brings you here ~Chat Noir~." she said his superhero name like you would call someone a royalty title jokingly

"Wich... was fair, but! he just hoped she knew every time he called her princess it was full of fondness"

"Oh um, just going for a walk, getting some fresh air"

"At two at night"

"I can ask you the same princess" he stumbled on his words he didnt expect that

"He havent being keeping an eye on the hour"

"He hoped he wasent missing for too long"

"But with his father absence he sometimes thinks he could of being kidnaped by hawkmoth for days and he wouldnt even notice"

"and sometimes he could of just barged into the room out of the blue"

"For ones he hoped for the first one"

Marinette unexpectedly decided to be the first one to break the silence

"Thoughts, just too many thoughts" she replied honestly and wiped her eyes in tiredness and maybe tears

Even though her answer seemed quite generic he recognised the real weight these words hold

"You?" She asked softly in sleepiness

"I just couldnt handle staying there anymore"

He blurted out choking on a bit of tears

"Her honestly just made him feel like he couldnt keep it inside anymore and that he could just share it safely and it will be okay"

"Like he didnt have to keep it down anymore and he really couldnt not like this not when he finally feels safe and the adrenaline from earlier is starting to die out and the tiredness is kicking in"

"Not next to Marinette"

"When she just comes with honestly openness and without anything to hide behind"

"She could of waited a little longer he would have come up with a joke to sweep her off her feet or at least made her laugh thats a win too"

"And just have a normal conversation"

"But she chose openness and he couldnt help, but choose it too"

He was a bit shaking he didnt notice till Marinette put a hand on him "hey, do you wanna go talk inside?"

The cat was frozen in surprise at the sudden touch

but as soon as it went is as soon as it goes

"And I know your identity needs to remain a secret for yours and the safety of your loved ones"

"So tell me just as you can and want of course" she made a serious face in the end but he couldnt ignore how cute it was

He noded thankful and followed her in

"Not surprisingly her room was much warmer than the cold outside"

They set down and Marinette asked while fiddling with her fingers "So, what happened?"

"My dad just yelled at me"

"Again" he rolled his eyes with a snort of someone who learned to turn their anger into despair and nihilistic jokes

"Its or he leaves me alone and neglects me or he yells at me and traps me"

"And in the past it used to be or he neglects me and traps me or he yells at me and traps me"

"But good luck trapping Chat Noir ha ha" he said with exhaustion and finger guns

"Unless you are hawkmoth if he would of being I bet he would have trapped me then too" another bitter laugh escaped his mouth

"What about you?"

"So you know those nights when you try to go to bed and you just lay there but you cant stop thinking and your thought are running and running and you just start shaking and you cant stop and no matter what you cant sleep and you wish so badly you can but you just cant so you stand up cause you cant take it anymore"

She blurted out as well just more in a mini frantic tangent

Instead of a frantic blurt out

"So maybe" she says with a twirl of her hand like she tries to drag the word longer and just not let the sentence end

"Im having one of these nights"

She covered her face with her hand and looked away like she is even ashamed of having a problem

"Wich is super unfair everyone has problems" he scoffed in his head

"And also one thing was made sure by this conversation she was crying earlier"

"Actually yeah" he replied looking up from his knees and surprising them both

"I do get these nights from time to time"

"Now it was his turn to look away"

"Now he is the one feeling shame in having problems"

"Honestly, he thinks it made both of them feel better knowing they are not the only ones even though he and of course Marinette! would never wish this upon each other it was still nice being in the same boat"

"Its exhausting" she exclaimed and looked like she was trying to rest her had on air and getting grumpy each time it doesnt work

Chat tapped to time on his knees to signal that she can use him as a pillow

Marinette without taking a second thought took the invite and settled down

At the moment of contact Chat Noir felt like lightening were running up his spine he just hoped he didnt move

He wasent used to other ppl contact much

And he always withdrew away quite quickly

"Its not that he didnt like others touch"

"Its just that it would always overwhelm him so much"

"And it made him feel like he needed a break but every time he was ready to come back"

"There was nobody left"

"And lets not talk about how it was before school when there was nobody to begin with"

"She looked so comfortable like it was all natural being so close to someone and just putting your head down"

"He wishes he could feel like that too"

"He hopes one day he will"

After a moment of rest and a sigh of relief Marinette asked "So, whats the plan?"

"Kinda how he would of asked his lady on battle he wondered if thats how he looks like"

"Uh, I kinda planned on staying awake outside until I will collapse of exhaustion..."

"Well, thats a horrible plan."

"In retrospect, he agreed but its not like he had any other options" he thought to himself

"The only room with a decent lock is the bathroom but I cant let you sleep in the bathroom!"

"I considered sleeping outside so this sounds much better"

"Chat!" She protested

"Its not like I have any better options" he sighed into his hand

"Okie but Im putting a clock to 5 in the morning so you will be back before anyone notices"

"But then what about you? dont you need any sleep?"

"I dont think I will fall asleep befor 5 am to be honest" she made an awkward laugh in an attempt to make it seem not as bad

"And, having company for a change even if will be a sleeping one soon is nice."

She looked up to him still resting on his lap with a soft smile that looks like it means Im really thankful you are here but you need to go to sleep now

"Marinette I-" he couldnt help but let a sigh of relief escape his mouth "I cant thank you enough"

"Hey what there are partne- pretty good friends for!"

"She started stammering. Now he was sure she was too tired for communication and needed some rest"

"So lets get ready for the sleep part in our kind of spontaneous sleepover!" she said like it was all part of just a regular late night party

He chuckled and replied with a simple sappy "yeah" and he got ready to bed

And in a long time he actually had a good sleep even though it was in the bathroom

The end <3

Update: thank you everyone for the feedback!!!

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failbaby · 4 years

Text

I have a real life tale of Homeric Epic proportions for you all. I do not condone the actions of anyone in this story

My senior year of high school, I was entrenched in a preposterous scandal between two of my friends.

Guy 1 was this completely indescribable, sexually ambiguous, utterly ridiculous little xc/debate club twink who was an armed libertarian leftist, HYPERfixated on working class history, and VERY intelligent but so hyperactive and deliberately loud/obnoxious that all of our teachers hated him anyway. He called me “Rosita Bonita,” and was accepted to Princeton and CalTech but was going to a mid-tier school nearby because he didn’t want to leave the mountains. 🥺

Guy 2 was an extremely easygoing, widely-beloved football player with a FIANCÉ he’d been with for 3 years (religious people in small towns get engaged young) who was a devout environmentalist and was planning on going to trade school in Italy after graduation. No real reason, he just thought Italy was dope, which I respect.

Both good guys, both weird

We were all the same friend group (me, the dudes, the fiancé, & several other ppl), and those two were really close. Like if I was slightly more heterosexual I would say “bromance.” The summer before senior year, those guys, another friend of ours, and the fiancé went on an educational environmental science trip to Peru, where they, like, hiked around and camped out in the mountains. I don’t know or care what they were supposed to be learning about the environment up there, I just know that they split their little group of 4 up into a boys tent and girls tent, and these two boys who the Lord God put on this earth to play high school sports started fucking each other in tents in the rocky mountains of Peru.

Which would normally be like, okay, so what, Rose, why are you telling me these dudes’ business, but you have to remember that the second dude had a fiancé, a female fiancé no less, who was on the trip and was sleeping just a few yards away from where these boys were fucking each other. And this is where it morphed into everyone’s business

My friend, the only member of their little group who was not involved, called me from a hotel one night when they’d gone back down out of the mountains and into a town (and thus had cell service again), and she was like, “Rose, you need to help me.”

And I was like “What? What’s wrong?” Panicking, because my four dear friends were very far away in a weird mountain town and I had no idea what could possibly have happened

And she goes “I think that [guy 1] and [guy 2] are having sex, and I don’t know how to tell [fiancé].”

This is news to me, because I was previously SO sure that guy 2 was straight. I was like “I really think you’re losing it”

So we talked it out a little bit and decided that the high altitude was getting to her, and our friend wouldn’t cheat on his fiancé, who he really loved, and our other friend wouldn’t sow division in our close-knit group like that

School started back up however long after they got back, and things were just like. Completely normal for a while, and then after like a month of the whole thing being forgotten and under the bridge, guy 1 becomes overwhelmed with guilt and decides to tell the fiancé that he was in fact fucking her beloved in the Peruvian mountains.

Now, this was a MAJOR blow to the law, serenity, and order of our group, as im sure you know if you’ve ever been involved in a situation where a member of a friend group was cheating with another member of a friend group. All of my friends are very progressive, so it was much more about the cheating and lying than the fact that they were both men, but I would be wrong to say that that was not also a concern, because it came so completely out of nowhere. We were all blindsided (except for my friend, who I had accidentally gaslit into believing this wasn’t happening and she was going crazy from mountain air 🤪)

So. This is where it gets wild

Guy 2 takes the logical path out and decides to just lie and say that this never happened at all. Like, he straight up denies everything guy 1 is alleging.

I don’t know why he did that. You should never lie about something if the other person has screenshots, which guy 1 did. He had screenshots like you would not BELIEVE.

And he IMMEDIATELY took to the public Internet, which my mother uses, with these screenshots.

A lot of people had heard rumors about this by now, because these guys were both athletes and guy 2 was like “popular” or whatever, so it just kinda gets around. Guy 1 decided to feed the people and send the screenshots to the school gossip IG acct (“____ high school tea”), and of course, the person running the page was THRILLED to have such top-tier content so early in the school year, and it was all posted for their 1,188 followers to see.

The screenshots told a story that ran much deeper than two dudes fucking each other on a field trip. I had initially kind of assumed was just a “gay-for-the-stay,” messing around kind of thing, but there were screenshots of texts from guy 2 about getting MARRIED, telling guy 1 that he was his SOULMATE, telling him he “set my heart to flame,” “I love you more than anything,” etc etc., and, most notably, a picture of guy 2 in the act of SUCKING GUY 1’s DICK. Some of these things dated from WEEKS AFTER they got back from Peru.

So, it was clear to me that guy 1 AND the fiancé both felt (justifiably?) extremely fucked over by guy 2 at this point. The previously-airtight group was on the verge of collapse, as all of us had been dragged into this conflict between these 3 mfs. The girl called off the engagement.

Guy 2 wrote a notes app apology to the entire school claiming he had dissociative identity disorder and blaming the entire affair on his gay alter ego. Then he wrote a sad rap begging his fiancé to get back with him.

But the most insane part of all of this is that, since guy 1 AND guy 2 were both 17 when the explicit pic was posted on “[redacted]hstea,” the POLICE got involved. Guy 1 was investigated on CHILD PORNOGRAPHY charges for a picture of him getting his own dick sucked by a peer, as was guy 2, AS WAS the person running the tea account.

(This tea account had ruined lives, so when her identity was revealed, she literally transferred schools within like a week. Or maybe she’s in jail idk)

The charges were dropped and the boys were let off with a warning, because like. From a legal standpoint, who cares, but we All had to go to an internet safety assembly run by cops where they lectured us for two hours about not taking nudies, and EVERYONE was looking at me and my friends, because even though we had nothing to do with it, they KNEW we were affiliated with the defendents, and that was enough for them

Then guy 1 shot out the back window of guy 2’s car, which was the catharsis of the whole event, and it effectively blew over within another month or two.

Our group was split in half by loyalty (we joked and said guy 2 and his fiancé were like our divorcing parents), and I did not see those two in a room together for SEVERAL months, but then there was one weekend in like February that we all got together like old times (except for the fiancé who had moved on to a better man, as she should), and we were talking about going to a party with some of guy 2’s football friends, and guy 1 was like “I’m not gonna do that. You know what they say about me.”

And guy 2 tucked guy 1’s hair behind his ear and said with ZERO hesitation, “But you know I won’t let anything happen to you.”

This is a completely benign interaction, but imagine being me, witnessing this after 8 months of general social hell, child pornography charges, ruined friendships, Megan is missing assemblies, THE most dramatic breakup I’ve ever seen in my life and subsequent SoundCloud raps, shot out car windows, and a fake DID diagnosis, ALL because guy 2 wanted to avoid allegations of gay behavior. For WHAT.

Anyway coronavirus happened and idk what’s going on with them now and I don’t care but that’s my villain origin story

#oc #you can't make this shit up #this is why I don’t fw no person on any level

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janexeu · 4 years

Text

though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, JANE MÁRQUEZ is actually a descendent of HYPNOS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-SIX year old DEMIGOD ELEMENTARY EDUCATION MAJOR from NEW ORLEANS, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite SACRIFICIAL & STUBBORN.

( she’s b-b-b-back on her bs : katya ! tis uhm ,,,, a lil bit of a chonk of an intro but ill try 2 b cute w it. any time u wanna yeet jus peep the gif again & forgive me bc Look At Her ! )

POWERS ( more info here )

hypnokinesis — p much made her a glorified babysitter w lynch-esque wacko dreams. it got stronger naturally as she got older, but jus w herself n eventually the ppl shes real close w. its also gotten a lot better since comin to eonia

seeing gods in dreams — she doesnt hang out w em every fridays at tgifs but like ,,, if she had Pertinent Questions she cud smhw make it happen. found out abt her being a demigod at age 10 when she met hypnos

memory retrieval — shes got great memry of her own but bc she knows it can help w grief n all that, shes been learnin in eonia how to do it 4 others if they mayb wanted it

BIO POINTS

her single ma died during childbirth so jane's been in the foster care system since 5ever. attempts at reunification nvr worked out but thankfully she got real lucky w her group home and foster families. twas stable enough to not emotionally scar her even further but the instability of it all was fosho a big ol’ lot and has influenced her rigidness in sum aspects of her life

she lived p much as a mortal even tho her powers r a lil freaky. never went to camp but it worked out bc all her abilities r internal and cannot be Perceived by others. she had a talk w hypnos abt what 2 do n he mentioned camps but also gave sum monster avoidance tips ( like rarely use ur powers, maybe learn self defense, yada yada ) n she jus ,,, did that so she cud continue livin real normal w the mortals. logistics of camp stressed her out esp bc shes livin w non-family n stuff yk it was All Too Much, miss her w the added demigod stress tyvm

got married at 23 to her childhood sweetums luis, but he ,,, died abt a yr later fr a car accident. coma for 2 weeks n jane p much slept the entire time in his hospital room, visitin his dreams n talkin to him. twas a life support sitch so they eventually decided to pull da plug whch was real sad but like she's processed it 2 da best of her abilities. her powers helped a lot in the coping too n she visits memories of him in her dreams smtms when it gets real sad then shes ok again bc life goes on n life is pretty uwu

bc of her bg round kids of all kinds, shes always been passionate abt em. always takin babysittin/tutor gigs and went to community college so she cud teach n then worked as an elem teacher. only started considerin goin 2 eonia 4 postgrad when she had a student who showed signs n strugglez of bein a demigod. she eventually got to talk to their godly parent 2 confirm n she was shocked pikachu meme, real concerned for all those youngins who hav no clue what to do ! or how to cope ! bc they cant facetime w the olympians lyk she can ! so cue her discussin eonia w luis a lot then a year after the accident, broke out the pro-con list again. took abt *checks watch* another yr til she finally decided to zoom 2 athens but then whoosh she did !

PERSONALITY

yearning ? idk her — shes can be a bit of a take it as is typa chick. can be a lil literal jsksj not dumb but like ,,, def doesnt read into things enuff to pine n long n year yk. some things might def fly over her head. she says Yes To Serotonin in this house. she dk the the mitskis n the sikens n the carsons ; its all mary oliver up in this joint. we just tryna luv life n be grateful folkz

le freak, say chic ! — control freak, that is. growin up in an unstable envi meant shed cling 2 stability n independence, wrvr she cud get it. so when it comes 2 the way she does things, she can be real a heel digger. also bc she has 2 deal w kids yk so it can b A Lot n shes v stern lyk dat. ofc she wont infantilize the eonians .,,,. or will she ? big sis vibes outta control. she means well tho always always means well. itll also b v hard to get her 2 giv up on sum1 bc life ? she luvs it n knows u can too

changes by david bowie — is decidedly skipped on the playlist. she doesnt like change !!! i mean she knows its inevitable but still not entire unavoidable. ever since she got out of the system, shes had a partner n her own way of doing things n its been workin out so why change it yk ? she says time may change me but jokes on u i can sorta trace time

rip but im different — this goes out to all em whores in this house. she respectz ur hustle but like ,,,, not her thang. girl doesnt even get drunk when she drinks bc she doesnt rlly drink sksjsk doesnt like the taste of it, big baby ! but like she's Lived, its more like. ok tried it, not for me. thanks tho. also for all the meanies in the house, y’all perplex her. shes empathetic n wont show the judgement but smtms shes lowkey lyk .,., ur how old n u had all this goin 4 u n ur still so rotten ? how u actin like a 7yo w a trantrum ? scratch head, make it make sense

at least u tried — dad jokes, bad puns, tries to be big jokester but isn't funny. she's pretty tho so she gets away with it. idk wht else 2 say ur honor. shes the type thatll embarrass u w affection

well that was Awkward — probably sum1 abt her if they see her actin a Fool bc shes in a foreign sitch or topic. when shes a fish outta water then she can be so ! easily ! flustered ! which is p much her in eonia. shes not new new but theres way 2 much godly shennanigans for her to wrap her head ‘round n sis has never gone to camp so its ice bucket challenge level shock from time to time still w da magics n lore

til death do us part — yknow when death cab for cutie said i knew that u wer a truth i wud rather lose than 2 hav nvr lain beside at all ? how abt when they wrecked me by rudely sayin love is watching sum1 die ? yes ? no ? nywy thats jane 4 ya. if she loves then shes in and if shes in then she is all in, luke danes stylez

was that a vivid enough picture or did i just word vom the same things agen n agen sjksjs jus know shes cute n sweet if a lil frustrating n annoying bc shes stubbornpants mcgee. may or may not have a slight compulsion to help fix other ppl ..,,.. someone set her str8 n tell her fix u by coldplay isnt it !!!

OTHER INFO

5′9″ born 4 october 1994, virgo sun n moon

not a freshie ! idk how long her program is but like ,,, lets ignore that 4 now ok jus kno that she been here a while

yogi & boxing enthusiast back at home. hc her mans got real into the martial arts w her when hypnos told her she gotta learn how 2 defend so that was one of their things : bonding by workouts so jane cud protecc herself if need be

her maiden name’s jane fulton. got her mommas surname but the name jane ? thats some jane doe bs some rando picked out for her which she hated at first but then seeing tarzan made her go hmmm, ok bet !

lgbtq+ alliance president ! identifies as pan

she met her late hubbie when they were abt 7ish, real friends 2 lovers cuteness. jane was there for him throughout his entire coming out & transition ergo her passion for the community esp queer kids bc she was That Cis Ally for her mans. wears her ring as a real lowkey necklace now

shes also real passionate abt sleep. will ask u how did u sleep last night p much every day u see her bc ppl spend like half their lives asleep catherine ofc shes gonna ask

her fave thing abt eonia ? the whole siblings bit. shes had 2 make do w what she got n build a family from scratch so this ? she luvs it a lot let her give u kithes hypnos babies

shes p well versed in the greek thingies but only thru the knowledge mortals gets + dream info. after her realizin who she is, all things ancient greek jus sorta became her niche interest ykwim ? shes not like Super Learned abt it more like ,,, ok i gotta at least make Sum sense outta all this, gotta learn what i can. imagin how embarrassin it wud b 2 see a god in ur dream n then go : sorry to this man. nope. not jane, not her, nuh-uh

luv languages : words, acts of service, physical touch !

useless hcs but she loves disney sfm ok. smtms dresses up as princess tiana for bday parties n shit bc shell do nythin 2 put a smile on the kids n babs faces

ya like jazz ? bc jane surely does ! adores motown & 60s music. nina simone owns her. no one drag peggy lee from 101 dalmatians ! not an important hc but i jus wanted to quote my bubble butt winged bee lover barry

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

children ! infants ! babies !

demigods that make her scratch head damn u live like this ? but also wud knife emoji to protect n care for. shes not the oldest on campus but shes been livin independently p much her entire life so she finks shes got a tight grasp on the myth that is Adulting

srsly tho the Big Sis vibes is off the charts w this one. shell perserve u dumdums

baddie influencies !

convince her 2 get drunk at a party ! bc she never does. convince her to maybe try drugs ! or go hook up ! do smths impulsive idk jus smth new !

gl tho bc shes not rlly ,,, easily influenced But she can b reasoned w ! in general i fink its just gonna be a fun dynamic if y/m knows how to coax sum wildness outta her or w/e bc thotty yummy theyre hotty yolo rzning jus wont do w this gal. will most likely get argumentative like a big ol momma hen but if u win then ur winning big

Sleep Now or forever hold ur peace !

idk sum1 she helps w their messy sleep ? shes def not super public w it, surely knows her other siblings r Better at it but if y’all are close, she probs enjoys doin it 4 ya. she runs her hair thru fingers a lot when she does it. like a lot a lot unless u tell her to get lost

lover boi, lover gorl, lover enby !

she can be a lil traditional when it comes to how she views rels. she wants all that meetcute courting bs ! no gender roles tho n u best be sure shes not constantly comparin w her late hubbie ,,, but she jus wants smth magical n 2 be wooed again yk ?

so yea ,,, crushers mayhaps ? sum1 who is tryin 2 woo her ? sum1 she had a meetcute w and now janes got lowkey heart eyes for em ? idk lotsa possiblities but pls keep in mind she is not good at the flirtings so hav mercy on her

eonia tour guide !

or jus friends who like ,,, constnatly fill her in w all the godly stuff n whatnot. years of not goin 2 camps mean u miss out on a lot ! explore ruins w her n get her info her mortal educ didnt make her privy 2 yk

head real empty atm i will think of sum n let y’all know when i do, but give us all the conekshunz. friends, enemies, the usual bit, lgbtq alliance peeps, lmk whats up whats done whats cookin we want it all

( shes p much a new muse n da result of me tryna bring in an emotionally healthy kid to this sad sad university. janes in a v good well-adjusted place rn n is my therapy muse bc that other bitch m** is a messy handful. but wbk life aint linear so mayhaps shit’ll hit da fan or one of y/m will ruin her lmfao press f pls ! but also color me eyes emoji bc we love to see it )

#euintro

7 notes · View notes

hwangskz · 5 years

Text

in another life (pt. 1) | soulmate! minho

part 1 of the uwma! au series !!!! i was so excited to get this up bcs, if u hadn't realised alrdy, i LOVE uwma with my entire heart :( (ps if any of u watch any bls or even just uwma pls hmu thank u) and pls read this post b4 or after ur done reading this fic so u don't get confused in the next part!! +++ tw suicide !

• "y/n….do u like him?"

• ur automatically reminded of the time u first met

• u remember it as clear as day

• u both had taken film as ur major and on the first day, ur college held a lil gathering

• u picked up the nearest headband and read it's label

• 'belle'

• so….were u supposed to find ur beast now???? JSGSSHE THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID

• BUT UR RUNNING OUT OF TIME !!!!!!

• "10 seconds to find ur partner!!!!"

• u looked around bcs u were NOT standing in front of that huge crowd, later trying to find ur partner

• when a boy caught ur eyes

• he stood on the side, his hand limply holding the blue headband as he looked around

• and he looked ?? sad :( ??

• "last 5 seconds!!!"

• u turned around one last time and ?? EVERYONE HAD FOUND THEIR PARTNERS ALREADY??

• so u RAN towards that boy

• and caught him off guard as u pulled him down to sit on the ground as the announcer continued talking and giving out future tasks

• "hey."

• "???"

• wow this boy is worse than YOU at communicating

• "are u sure we're partners??"

• "..."

• "right, yea. i was the one who dragged u..haha..sorry.."

• so u pulled his hand up to view his headband

• 'prince adam'

• u probably looked really confused rn bcs u just made the guy speak up

• "beast."

• u looked up, OBVIOUSLY confused

• this new voice box working??? wonder whose it is

• ":o huh?????"

• he sighed and held it up for u

• thank u nameless boy bcs ur hands kinda WERE getting tired JDKHD

• "prince adam is the real name of the prince in disney's beauty and the beast."

• ":OOO REALLY???? wait but how do u know"

• "..... google?"

• "... RIGHT sorry haha"

• even after the lil gathering ended and u got to go to ur class

• ur mind was still thinking abt the guy

• u probably didn't even notice u had entered the class w that DULL ASS look until

• "ouc- WHO THE F-???????"

• "still in ur dreams?? lmao dumbass"

• ":O SHIN RYUJIN"

• "this group needed the following of a sane person so im here too. hello to u too, y/n"

• "MISS YEJI??? PEOPLE THAT I KNOW AND CHERISH????? ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ OMG HELLO TO U TOO"

• and there it was, once again, ryujin trying to get ur over affectionate ass off of her as yeji laughs

• well iN UR DEFENSE, U MISSED UR BEST FRIENDS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE TERRIFIES U

• and when u take a seat

• u can't help but follow the movements of the boy who enters the class

• his moves aren't rushed; they seem calm. too calm.

• and that's when u hear all the whispers around u

• "is that blood on his shirt? is he already following in his dad's footsteps?"

• ‘what footsteps?’

• "i heard he dragged his partner today for the freshman gathering today?"

• ‘but i was the one who dragged him..then how-’

• "y/n?"

• "h-huh?"

• yeji's third call woke u up from ur train of thoughts

• "are u ok?"

• "yea.. i'm fine. dw!!"

• "see i told u they’re thinking abt their fantasy boys and/or girls again it's fine"

• "WH- EXCUSE ME I DON'T FANTASISE!!!!!"

• "yes y/n l/n i totally believe that"

• "SHUT UP RYUJIN"

• ur group's laughters echo in the room, along w the other friend groups'

• except for that boy who now sits in front of u

• u wonder if he's waiting for his friends

• but they never seem to show up

• even though it's alrdy been over 5 months now

• and that pretty boy in front of u is DISTRACTING u from the lesson (๑•ૅㅁ•๑) !!!!!

• and this one particular day..yeji and ryujin were absent..

• so u were kinda lonely anyways

• and hearing ppl continue to whisper abt that guy..it made u wanna talk to him again

• u don't know exactly why ?? but u did

• so u gathered up ur stuff from ur desk

• and sat at the desk next to his

• and immediately u could hear the whispers getting a bit louder

• and he ducked his head and turned towards u

• and u decided to ignore those words, and looked at him, with a bright smile on ur face

• "don't worry about them. i'm here now."

• it was something abt u

• something abt those words that made him feel some type of way

• he took in a deep breath as he looked down and then looked at u again

• "......thank you, i guess"

• u nodded and he turned towards his work

• a small smile on his face

• he had found someone

• "so?"

• ryujin asked u, bringing u back from ur flashback

•"yea..i think so.."

• yeji and ryujin sighed

• ur mind : ALERT

• IS IT BAD??? THAT U LIKE HIM???? (๑´╹‸╹`๑) ??

• "y/n...do u not know abt him..?"

• "(o゜ー゜o)??"

• they share a Look and turn towards u, worried looks on their faces

• OK YEA IT PROBABLY IS,,

• "he's the son of a mafia... that's why ppl talk abt him in such..hushed tones..and basically isolate him"

• "and look y/n..we know that isolating him is truly bad, but maybe get a little away? from him? what if u get involved in smthg bad?"

• u...ur honestly a lil shocked

• not fully by the news that his dad is a mafia

• but by the fact that they think something bad can happen when ur with him

• with HIM

• "but it's his dad who is a mafia. he's not at all like that !! he's a bit shy, and is just scared to express himself. and don't worry, yeji. i am not going to get myself in trouble"

• they muttered an "okay" and leaned back against their chairs again

• "but wait.."

• ryujin spoke up again

• "when did u even hangout w him? enough to, well, get feelings for him?"

• "uh well..that day both of u were absent, i went and sat w him in class..then shared some of my lunch w him when i saw him on the rooftop..and kind of having been bringing him lunch and staying w him..during that time.."

• they laughed, and u could feel the tension easing away

• "never knew y/n's a dom lmao"

• "they seem like a switch tho"

• "SHUT UP"

• and so u did join the guy

• (who's name u had learned to be lee minho)

• whenever u found him to be lonely

• and even tho minho seemed to be against the whole idea of u joining him all the time

• trust me he's a whole softie inside

• he just ;;;; he gets so happy whenever u come by

• and not just bring him lunch

• and not only during lunch breaks

• but all the time

• whenever he passes by u

• u always greet him, and

• wave at him and u just feel like a shield from everyone and all the bad things everyone says and he just

• he can't thank u enough

• but it's not just that

• and he knows that

• even when he sees u coming towards him in the library

• sneaking in some food bcs it IS lunch

• so technically u ARE supposed to bring him food

• "hey !! :D"

• u take the chair in front of him

• and take out the food, both of urs, and shove his one towards him

• "WHY-"

• minho shushes u and u turn around to look if u made anyone else angry

• and perhaps...... u DID.... AJSBBE

• so u just duck ur head as an apology and the furious students go back to studying

• "why are u studying rn???? it's lunch!!!!!"

• "ok and??"

• "rest is important!!"

• "what makes u think i haven't rested enough alrdy?"

• "well i've seen u w the book the ENTIRE DAY ??"

• minho sighs, but then perks his head up

• "u..u watch me..?"

• "!! im not a STALKER-"

• minho shushes u again and ur pretty sure the other students r staring daggers at u rn JDVSJE

• "-im not a stalker,, ur in my class.. right in front of me.."

• minho chuckles silently at ur words

• "sure"

• u were flustered until u realised u just

• u just made the biggest tsundere chuckle

• c h u c k l e

• "did u just …….. chuckle at me…….."

• minho looked down, scared to meet ur eyes bcs shit ur rite

• "no…….what makes u think that………"

• u giggle at his failed attempt to delete that successful moment from ur memory

• minho smiles a little

• he was so happy

• even tho it was abt u

• even tho u had made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that u like him

• like at random times u would be like

• "damn i can't believe i fell for u"

• or

• "oh good lord!! i always try to hangout w the guy i like but he pretends to not like spending time with me!!!!!!! what did i do to deserve this !!!!!!"

• and in these situations what does minho do??

• LAUGH .

• he LAUGHS

• just a bit bcs he's still under that tsundere cover JSGSJSB

• but like !!!!!!! in his defense !!!!!!!

• HE DIDNT KNOW IF U TRULY MEANT IT !!!!!!!

• MAYBE U LIKE HIM JUST AS A FRIEND !!!!!!!!!!!!

• AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN THIS FRIENDSHIP !!!!!!!!

• that too w his first ever friend..................

• little did he know he was truly so engrossed in his thoughts that he had stopped eating and had been staring at the sky above for like ??? more than 5 mins now ??

• "MINHO ???????"

• he flinched and moved away a bit at the sound of ur voice suddenly piercing his thoughts

• "w-what"

• "bitch i thought u died or smthg...u have been staring above for so long pretty sure some flies even touched ur food and it's now UNHYGIENIC"

• his eyes met urs and, as if he got some idea, he suddenly kept his lunch box away to look at u

• "wait im pretty sure the flies didn't sit on the food!!!! it was a joke-"

• minho exhaled loudly before he spoke

• "y/n?"

• "yes…?"

• "can i ask u smthg…..?"

• "sure!!"

• minho inhaled sharply before continuing

• "do u ever feel uncomfortable? when ur with me?"

• u thought for a while, before giving him a smile and answering him

• "why would i? idk if ur referring to the rumors here...or if they're supposed to be involved here but...they don't affect me. firstly, i don't even know if ur dad truly is a part of the mafia-"

• "he is."

• minho was staring at u intently, wondering how u'll respond to this

• "well, uh, nice for him? i guess? but it's him right? not u? then there's nothing to worry about."

• minho shook his head as he tried to look anywhere but at u

• "but what if u ever get in trouble? bcs of me?"

• "that's on me. not u. and if it's through u, or if u ever get in trouble or smthg-"

• u picked his hand up, holding it tightly, which seemed to catch him off guard

• "-i will protect u."

• he could do nothing but give u a soft smile, before turning his head away

• and so did u bcs damn y/n since when did u become so confident huh JDVSJE

• so u decided to go for it

• "y/n, will u be my partne-"

• u gently pecked his lips before moving away real QUICK JSGEJE

• WAS HE ABT TO CONFESS ???????????

• WHY ARE HIS EYES WIDENED LIKE THAT?????????? DID U

• OH NO U DID SOMETHING WRONG DIDN'T U

• "i-i'm sorry….i didn't mean to-"

• and u looked up in time, only to see minho leaning in, before he connected his lips to urs

• it was a slow kiss

• it took u a while to get the fact into ur head that he's right here

• he is kissing u

• and so u snaked ur arms across his shoulders, as he held u tight, even closer

• and when u both pulled away

• both of u were flushed red

• and it did feel kinda quiet so u just

• "damn im glad we have lunch on the rooftop, huh"

• minho chuckled as he moved away

• "kinda ….. yes"

• and so for the next months u continued to tease him with this JDGSJS

• even tho yall are technically dating now uwu

• but he never tells u he likes u

• which is : frustrating

• bcs u !!!!!! UR THE BIGGEST OVERTHINKER EVER !!!!!!

• ENOUGH TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP !!!!!!!!!

• and the fact that EVEN THO he's ur bf and u KNOW it, u continue to be curious if he even likes u :(

• so u just slam ur spoon on the table

• which makes him look up

• "what? is the ramen too spicy?"

• u shoot ur head towards him, a pout on ur face

• "do u like me?"

• ".........what"

• JSHSKWKKW

• Y/N PLS

• "u never….u have never said u like me…...and yea sure im not supposed to question this bcs ur my boyfriend and i know that but im sorry i overthink alot and it's just me saying i like u all the time but not u and i just can't help but-"

• "i …….. i like."

• "huh?"

• u shoot ur head upwards at minho, who now gets up to keep his empty bowl in ur kitchen sink, with a grin along ur face

• "u heard me."

• and u wish u could still be as happy as u were on this day

• when he first confessed

• well, half-confessed

• but u couldn't be

• even as he stood in front of u, saying that he loves u

• and he's grateful for u

• u couldn't stop the tears that continued to stream down ur cheeks

• ur eyes could only focus on the gun that he held right beside his temple

• his dad used to send people behind minho whenever u two went on a date

• "he wants me to go on w his job after he resigns" minho had once told on one of ur dates

• "do u want to?"

• "no, obviously-"

• he held ur hand in his

• "i want to be with u"

• then why

• why was he standing there, with that gun

• that stupid gun aimed at his temple?

• today while u had closed ur eyes, wishing for something, like minho had told u when he brought that birthday cake for u out of nowhere while u and minho were having ur date

• u opened ur eyes when u heard a muffled voice screaming loudly

• only to find it was minho's

• which confused u when u saw the hand covering his mouth

• but surprised u, when u saw his dad standing right behind him

• he kept pulling minho away from u

• minho yelled, tried to free himself away

• but couldn't

• until u yelled at his dad to stop

• and minho dropped on the ground, with his wrists red from being grasped so tightly

• u went on and on abt how he has made minho feel and what minho truly wants

• u had shut ur eyes out of fear

• but u had opened them to see what minho truly wants

• death ;

• an escape

• from all of this

• and so he spoke one more time

• "y/n. remember, i love you, okay? i….i'll always keep my promise."

• and then, a gunshot.

• u weren't sure if time had stopped or if it was just u frozen

• but u could only hear a beep sound going in ur ears as his body dropped on the ground

• limp.

• and at once u leapt towards him, sobbing, u fell to ur knees, ur hands grazing his cheeks and gently hitting his chest

• "y/n…. i don't know how to go on…"

• he had told u this months ago, when u guys had been dating for abt 5 months then

• "minho, we'll always be together, no matter what. i, at least, will be there for u, always."

• minho had looked at u with tears in his eyes

• he rlly was so stupidly in love w u

• "but what if i...die...someday?"

• u sighed and turned to look at the night sky

• at least none of his dad's assistants had found out abt ur place yet

• (thankfully)

• u turned to look at him again

• "then...i'll die too."

• so that's what u were gonna do

• u searched for the pistol, as u blinked several times to focus properly

• when u finally found it, ur hands shakily reached for it

• and then as u aimed it at ur own temple

• the last part of that conversation popped into ur head again

• "then, will we meet each other in next life?"

• minho thought abt it for a few secs

• "probably"

• u nodded

• "i once heard that...when u fall for someone at first sight, it probably just means that we're recognising our partner's soul from our past life….do u think that will happen w us? do u think we'll…. we'll recognise each other?"

• "...i hope so…."

• u both let out a stifled laugh

• and so u stick ur pinky finger out, asking for his

• "minho."

• "yes?"

• "promise me."

• "promise what?"

• "promise that…...that we'll find each other.."

• minho was abt to argue w u but seeing ur lil pout

• he had no choice but to agree

• "promise."

• and so, another gunshot was heard.

48 notes · View notes

fmdjaewonarchive · 4 years

Text

hi there folks, excuse my flakey activity i’m currently in the middle of taking exams which means i’m asleep 70% of the time and studying the other 30%. regardless, i would love to get some event stuff going for jaewon/yuanjun/minah/yena so i’m just gonna leave some real vague directions and ideas i had in mind below the cut (but truly, i’m down for anything). as usual, just like this post if you wanna plot or feel free to hmu on d*sc*rd: goth gf kim minji#5703 .

jaewon:

jaewon has been needing a break for the past... 7? 8? months at this point so bless it’s finally here this bitch rlly need to do some (initial wary) self care and i’d love to have ppl drag him into some healing activities and eventho he complains at first it def shows to work like... 5 minutes in. think hikes, spa, meditation, anything and everything that comes to mind rlly. this bitch just needs to take care of himself for 5 seconds.

parental death tw // i don't think this is very known information but jaewon has an INCREDIBLY reluctancy towards camping, it’s something he used to do w/ his parents when he was younger before they passed and they’re some of the most direct memories he still has of them so he kinda just, doesn’t touch upon that. i’d love to have someone who’s just like ok but u can’t pass this opportunity up tho and convinces him to go camping one of the nights. we love friends who encourage healthy development in jaewon!!!

god the other two plots r so serious but also i’d laugh my ass off at someone taking a coffee brewing class w/ jaewon, just cuz he inhales coffee like it’s his sole driving force. see, sometimes i offer fun plots.

yuanjun:

first things first. who signed off on letting yuanjun near any place that has a climbing wall? that’s a safety hazard in itself. i’d love to do a thread centered around that, whether they’re hyping this idiot up or are generally concerned for his wellbeing, i’m here for it.

also a failed attempt at taking yuanjun to meditate. like we all know this kid doesn’t have the attention span for this, neither can he keep his trap shut that long. anyone down to get kicked out of a meditation class with him?

maybe someone go hiking with him? we all know he’d be bouncing along the hiking trail, it’d be a good way for him to blow off some steam and get some off that energy out of his system. warning: be aware they might probably have to remind his annoying bitchass to for the love of god, just stay on the trial. little red riding hood is quaking under yuanjuns stupidity truly.

the open mic night could be iconic. whether it’s just them (playfully, w due respect for everyone) judging the performances or them having a performance of their own i’m here for it (just saying,,,, yuanjun lalalay cover or a wish cover... iconic, showstopping, never done before, we love to see it, i’m speaking it into existence)

yena:

we know miss nam yena is not here to be on a journey to self-discovery. that would be entirely too functional of her for once. if anything, she’s just gonna be making a lot of backhanded comments ab how the companies downgraded going from hawaii last year to some secluded gangwon resort in the mountains somewhere. someone indulge her, shit talking can be a healing activity too no?

i’m not saying yena smuggled alcohol in BUT yeah no that’s definitely what i’m saying. bold of you to assume she’d stay sober for 3 days in a row. either way, if someone wants some of that, hit her up, y’all know where to find her, sharing is caring and all that. (concretly she’s probably casually spiking her drink and those of anyone that wants some at the bonfire, just saying)

but for real, most of this yena is gonna spend by the poolside looking cute, maybe getting a nice spa day or a massage in, just doing as little as possible, you know how it is. that’s not a lot to work with but if anyone else is looking forward to doin as little as possible pls let me know.

minah:

first things first, i’d love to have someone take one of those cooking classes w/ minah, whether they both share an interest in cooking or maybe they are very prone to sticking around minah’s place for dinner usually and minah thinks it will be good for them to learn some skill of their own, either way could be really fun.

secondly maybe someone to take a yoga/aerial yoga class with her? whether minah dragged them into or they genuinely thought it was fun. i’m not saying this idea is sponsored by the image of jung eunji in a sports bra and sports leggings but... that’s exactly it, oops.

last one honestly this whole retreat is such a lovely setting for a good heart to heart conversation, i’d love a good conversation out on the terrace in the evening or something like that, be it due to past bad blood between them or even just them talking over personal matters of their own. just ah, some nice bonding

all:

all 4 of them jaewon, minah & yena also still need roommates and honestly i’m down for all kinds of dynamics, people who don't like each other rooming, people who do get along rooming, people who rlly don't know each other that well rooming getting to know each other, anything

but also like i said i’m down for anything so if you have an idea feel free to toss it my way or if you have a post of your own PLEASE let me know and i’ll gladly read that over too!!!

#fmdcall #parental death tw #//below the cut... this got long #//also normal ims are coming i promise

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kvltprince · 5 years

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I was tagged by the lovely @leporidaefluff (Thank you! it was the push i needed to get started on this instead of just going oh~ neat~!)

Rules:

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same. Sorry if anyone has already been tagged, no obligation. @ heathie on whatever acct cos im a dumbass an i miss your bois(you miss em too), @randomwordsandstormydays, @randomfuzzbunny, @jornaquinn @chrysocolladawn ( @somewhere-withoutyou if you would...) and anyone else who would enjoy doing this. (if i get tagged again ill do anther oc. i would tag a few others but i feel weird tagging ppl i dont like ever talk to lol.)

What is your name?

"Lucy Grandchester, yeah that one.”

How old are you?

“Fourty-five unless you are getting nitpicky about cryostasis. That doesn’t count unless I am joking with a ghoul, honestly.”

What do you look like?

He lets out a small half chuckle, "Oh, we are doing this okay. I’ll bite. Slightly short middle aged punk, long greying curly hair, undercut, with one leg and too many tattoos?”

Where are you from? Where do you live now?

Lucy uncomfortably takes down his hair and redoes his messy bun while sighing and becoming a bit short. “I’m from just the other side of that irradiated water near that gas station south of here. Name kinda gives it away. You have seen it? I honestly am not sure how it’s standing still between the bombs and everything else. It’s looked after now, and is a surprise asset to still have. I lived in Boston for a while after all that, and back in this area once Nuka World was opened, then back in the Boston area, and would you look at that I am back in Nuka World and it is a lot more comfortable now.”

What was your childhood like?

"...Unstable, for everyone. It got a bit better once my parents were dead... are we done with this line of questions? Or am I excusing you?”

What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

“Well, I started out trying to play nicely vaguely with anyone that didn’t try to shoot me first. That.... hasn’t stayed how it is. At least not fully, though i generally play nice until I am given a reason not to. I am friendly with the Disciples, the Operators, several of the Children of Atom groups that haven't irradiated their sense out of their heads yet, the Railroad.”

Tell me about your best friend.

He finally visibly relaxes the rest of the way after that history business, and takes a drink of a quantum. “Oh only one best friend? Are we in high school again? aw Alright. We have some parallel histories.” He swirls the glowing drink, but doesn't let himself get lost in his head too far. “Great humor, puts up with my shit somehow, doesn't blow my sneaking. Laugh that could take on the world even though they probably wouldn't. No I am not spoiling who I decided on. A man has to have some secrets somewhere and mine are in short supply”

Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

“My son Shaun never ceases to surprise me with what he can come up with, and how well adjusted he is. Codsworth is still helping out with the household, and helping keep Shaun from disassembling live turrets while I am away, though now he is living here at Fizztop with us. Surprisingly it seems to be an alright setup, and Shaun has taught a few people some upgrades in their downtime. There is enough room to keep things comfortable, and I have done some park remodeling since I arrived. My closest companions that don’t hate my choices I have made I consider family, but that has become a smaller circle than before.”

What about a partner or partners?

“Gage of course, he is my husband for whatever it is worth in the wasteland. Otherwise I suppose that depends how you are defining that. I am an affectionate person and some people seem to have rather strict definitions of where the edge of friend and partner should be”

Who are your enemies, and why?

“Several people aren’t speaking to me very well at best after I have settled into the Overboss seat here, on a personal level. The Pack were wiped out. The Brotherhood were wiped out. The Institute were wiped out. The minutemen are pretty pissed understandably. The Gunners still show up in vertibirds sometimes and are still pretty fun target practice. My settlements are generally comfortable, and my outposts mostly only have problems with gunners or trappers. Minor annoyances.”

Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

“Yeah, of course. I think they got too headstrong for their flightsuits. I mean I understand but you really can’t do that shit and expect no repercussions. It was quite a firework show honestly, I wonder how far away the heat was felt..”

What about The Enclave?

"I don’t know much about them, only one of their ex-soldiers, he didn’t exactly tell me much. Cute, a bit odd. Not sure if it is the radiation that did that or not.”

How do you feel about Super Mutants?

He has a flash of a pensive thought drift across his face “There’s a few that aren’t so bad. Obviously the FEV isn’t mass-curable though, so not exactly much of a choice what to do about them unless you like getting a rocket launcher or a nuke in your face.”

What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

“Proobably~ around Bunker Hill, It was just, A Lot. That whole time was not just the specific fight. I don’t remember a lot of it, I’m pretty sure Gage half dragged me home after the main running around and meetings after the fight. I don’t think I had a full thought for a while.”

Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?

He thumb points to a sniper rifle leaning against the wall “Yeah, too often, thankfully usually I see them first, and I’ve gotten the sneaking thing down. They make pretty good steaks.”

Do you like fighting?

“Sometimes, honestly. Something tired and overstated about old habits or something boring. Really though, it is exciting and keeps the boredom away. Playfighting and sparring will do, no need to draw blood. I guess. Good to keep knife and sneaking skills sharp however you can.”

What’s your weapon of choice?

“A modded real sharp Throatslicer she called it, I swear Nisha found this thing in the loading dock or something it is the nicest box-cutter I have ever owned. Opens up anything.”

How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)

“Outlive everything around me usually by not being seen, notice it first, shoot it faster, stab it more, talk my way out of it, or by luck. I have zero real idea, but I can eat nearly anything and I bet that helps too.”

Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?

"Of course, there are a bunch, and I was ushered into 111 to turn my life upside down. They seem to only be any good for salvage, horror stories, clean water sometimes, and if you are real lucky a trade post and a shave. I have a settlement vault that is doing well that I have taken over and built up, but that is not Vault-Tec related, obviously.”

How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?

“I have a few recipes that are good for radiation, though it doesn't affect me very badly overall and I am slow to feel any sickness. I suspect that one day I will turn into a ghoul.” He is rather matter of fact and unbothered by this, and hints that he knows that not getting sick much from radiation means just that.

What’s your favorite wasteland critter?

“Probably the stags and gazelles and other herd animals. They are overall unchanged other than most have two heads now, they are still nice to watch”

What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?

“Honestly? radscorpions? Those fuckers are too quick and you cant shoot them cos they tunnel and they knock you on your ass and poison you and just UGH”

How do you feel about robots?

"Robots are alright if they are not causing trouble. Some of them are nice. Jezebel is not so nice, but she is guarding red rocket and bitching the entire time so shes no longer my problem. The Rust Devil’s robots are a pain in my ass for real.”

How many caps do you have on you right now?

"Plenty.”

Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?

He cocks his head slightly “I havent heard that one in a while. Depends on the flavor of Nuka Cola, I do like Sunset Sarsaparilla though, if you have any.”

Do you do chems?

"Not recreationally anymore. No, not because of him.” He nods toward Gage “It just, gets out of hand”

Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?

"Not as often as you would expect, I mean obviously there is the ‘oh i remember when that wasn't destroyed’ of things, but things are more comfortable than I thought they could be”

What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

His eyes narrow slightly “I don’t really do regret. Things were done the way they were because it was the choice at the time. A choice now for an old situation isn’t helpful to living my current life or my old life. I am not living then, I am living now.”

What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?

“Surviving all of this, and myself. Creating this strange semi-stability in this post apocalyptic place.”

What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

“Keep me and mine safe, happy as we can be, and I hope that my found-family never fully stops growing. Curious what the future holds for my raiders and friends, there is so much potential, it could be risky but it is there. For once it is a good solid place to be, and it’s mine.” Lucy polishes off his questionable as hell drink with a smile.

#lucy grandchester #oc interview #this is a bit messy but hey thats fine #longpost #wow no wonder it took so long

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

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So it took interest rates that were like WE OWN UR SOUL NOW U FOOL HAHA TWILL BE OURS FOREVER, but joke’s on them lol like I never use that thing anyway. But I got the personal loan for $10K in the end after like a month of searching but who knew that obsessively raising my credit score for a year by like....occasionally chilling all night in an IHOP rather than use a credit card too much on a room would like....pay off with a credit score that actually is useful to me in a way that means I don’t even care right now that hahaha credit scores are just pointless imaginary numbers that really only exist because capitalism’s a dick?

Look I’m allowed to be a hypocrite for three weeks let me have this, I promise I’ll go back to ranting about people selling their souls for the sake of strings of binary code on a computer screen, like just cuz I wasn’t using mine doesn’t mean other ppl don’t want theirs.

Because oh yeah so I was like gimme the loan plz and they were like ugh fine and I somehow got my credit card companies to raise my limits because I’ve had them for over a year now and I honestly couldn’t even tell you how I convinced them to do that like did I haggle did I beg did I put out, who knows, it’s been a very long and strange and sleep deprived month and that’s on top of a long, strange, sleep-deprives two years. Point is between raising my limits on those two, the loan of DOOM and getting a CareCredit card with the remaining credit left to me or before the latter realized I’d just massively dinged my credit cuz the raised limits and loan hadn’t been reported yet, I came up with the $12400. Like again most of that is in the form of imaginary money that I’ll probably spend years paying out of future paychecks so if anyone wants to go ahead and put The Revolution on the books for like, say October, that would actually really work for me. I’d even be all pumped and full of rest and vigor and extra fightey and like, you know how fightey I usually am to begin with I’m just saying....

So now I am literally just waiting for my loan check to clear in my bank account cuz my doctor doesn’t accept checks. Second it does, probably Monday, I’ll go down to my doctors office, pay the $6200 upfront and finish the insurance paperwork for them to submit the claim for the insurance company’s part of it, and they can officially schedule my surgery, possibly in as little as three weeks??!!

Which is absolutely surreal to me, like after literal years of treading water and setbacks and everything dragging out endlessly and he’ll even just yesterday, it’s utterly bizarre finishing my stuff at my bank and doctor’s this morning and hearing how matter of fact they all are about how quickly things could happen now and like. Finally be over. Or like, start lol in the sense of holy shit I could actually maybe have an actual life again.

They can’t confirm a date until my first payment is processed, only then does she officially put me on the books at Cedar Sinai when they can get me into an open OR, but it hopefully could be the 20th. She’s already got another surgery scheduled for that day and an OR booked for it with potential slots before and after it but I can’t count on the 20th as a given just yet. Could still be one, two or even three weeks after that before they actually fit me in, so I’m trying not to set my thoughts and hopes too much on that three weeks from now appointment but that’s easier said than done. LOL.

But whenever it’s actually set for, I go in the day of, pay the second half of the payment, and the surgery takes a few hours but they send me home the same day. My high school friend from San Diego hopefully is going to be able to take enough time off to look out for me while I recover, we’ve been tentatively planning for that for most of a year but couldn’t guarantee anything with her work until we had actual dates which I mean we still don’t technically have. But my jaw will be wired shut for ten days so there’s no way I can manage on my own, esp the way I’ve been getting by day-to-day, and I’ll be on a liquid diet and having to drink everything through a special straw and stuff and completely unable to talk the whole time and oh yeah also apparently in agonizing pain that I’ve been extensively warned could put anything I’ve experienced thus far to shame, so I’m really REALLY looking forward to that part lol. Currently pondering the viability of just knocking myself unconscious every day. We’ll see how it goes.

But after that I go back in ten days later and they unwire my jaw, check that everything looks okay and I’m healing the way I’m supposed to, and I have two weeks of physical therapy and....that’s it. It’s over. I’m just. I’m just leaving that right there for now because I honestly don’t even know what to do with that thought after all this time, it’s. Like I can’t quite wrap my head around it and even really picture how that works. Idk my brain just fizzes out and it’s like wait, are you sure, that doesn’t sound right.

But like I made them go over it multiple times to make sure I wasn’t missing anything or understanding it wrong or whatever, like my doctor was this combination of kinda amused but also exasperated when I finally stopped asking to go over it all again. LOL look I just really really really needed to be sure there wasn’t something else involved that like I was supposed to already know or have been told by someone else, I don’t know okay? Anyone who’s been following me the last couple years knows that this isn’t how this sort of things go, they’re supposed to get my hopes up and then tell me they have no clue what’s wrong or send me off to someone else or tell me oh yeah you also need another thirty thousand and an MRI and some headgear that’s like made of platinum, but we just thought you already knew that. LOL.

But. I mean. Yeah. That’s it. I checked. A lot. Theoretically though unless there’s some new bizarre development in which case I will most likely detach my spirit from my body and evolve into my ultimate great rage power Digimon form, AreYouFreakingKiddingMeMon, and go like, fight god or the physical embodiment of the universe or whatever like I keep threatening....like, that really is what’s left. And then it’s all over. My jaw should by all accounts be restored to its full functionality from before all this. No more pain, no more eternal headache, no vertigo, blind-outs, no problems eating any particular food or swallowing or 45 degree slope to my lower jaw, none of the shit that’s been my day to day existence for well. Years. LOL.

Yeah. Really don’t know what to do with that yet. I just. Can’t. Haha.

Anyway, as I’ve said before, I literally couldn’t have made it to this point without the support of people here, both emotionally and financially. I hate to ask it because you’ve helped so much already, but I’m definitely going to have to ask for your help a little longer, there’s just no way around it. I am completely wiped and tbh overwhelmed so I’m probably going to try and sleep the rest of the day - I was pretty much up all night, unable to sleep while I waited to hear back on all this.

Then when my head’s fully processing things again and not friztzing our because I’ve forgotten how to process good news, lol, I’ll probably be putting together a post asking for your help paying my insurance premiums one last time, and on Monday or once I get the official set in stone date for my surgery I’ll be doing another, basically begging you guys to help keep me afloat the hopefully no more than three weeks til then.

I really really hate having to do that when I know you all have helped and given so much already, and it’ll literally be nothing more than my basic expenses of motel room and food, I don’t need anything beyond that, but I truly don’t see anyway around it. I exhausted every possible avenue available for me to try with my credit in order to get this loan and raise my limits enough, and I milked every cent I could out of those. There’s just no more money to be pulled out of any of that, it took everything I had to get what I needed for the surgery. And I’m afraid of the very real possibility that if I don’t ask for this help because of pride or because of how much I’ve asked for already, I’ll end up using one of my credit cards to pay for my room and such and end up stuck without enough money at hand to cover the second half payment on my day of surgery and I truly literally can not afford that. I have no idea what will happen with my insurance if I have to reschedule, how long it would take to reschedule, etc.

And the other side of this is there’s really not a whole lot left I can do for work at the moment. I’ve finished off all my existing projects except for one last cover and they already paid for it in advance. I honestly don’t know that I could take on new jobs if it ends up with my surgery on the 20th in just three weeks. Searching for more jobs and clients has become more and more time consuming these past months as is, and the simple truth is I couldn’t in good conscience or in honesty guarantee any new clients that I could finish their job in that time frame. Not with my present state physically and mentally and the uncertainty of my day to day expenses and stress about potential complications hanging over my head and not, truthfully, mixing all that well with my pre-existing mental health conditions lol. And yeah, if I can’t guarantee getting any new projects done in three weeks, I can’t afford to take them on for any potential client’s sake, not to mention the sake of my professional reputation, which I will really need to be, y’know, intact, in order to rebuild my life basically from the ground up, once my previous physicality and quality of life comes back after my surgery and recovery (knock on wood). With at least two or three weeks of recovery after the surgery even assuming it goes well and has no other complications, that’s way too much time to leave clients hanging and not be available to address any needs, concerns, revisions, etc. Especially if they’re not returning clients but brand new ones.

So yeah, as much as I would love to not have to ask for any more help than I already have and have been given, I sincerely just don’t see any alternatives that don’t jeopardize or risk wasting all the help I’ve already been given. You know I am fully aware of just how much that is and what its cost some of you, and I already could never repay you for this, not even in terms of just the money itself, but the fact that I know some of you have given at your own very real expense, sending me money that you really could have used yourself, that wasn’t any kind of surplus. I am already beyond grateful and humbled and overwhelmed how many of you have stepped forward to help me in ways that even though I’m older than many of you, I honestly have no precedent for, in ways and to an extent I’ve never received help or support from family. So I just needed to say that again, because I have not asked for any of this lightly, and I don’t now either. Really, really thank you. I’m not exaggerating or being dramatic or hyperbolic or silly for a change, when I say you guys most likely saved my life. Its simple fact. Hell, I was genuinely hours away from sleeping outside freezing my ass off in December, that first time I posted asking for help and you guys came through for me. So, yeah. I will never ever forget this, and never ever be able to give back as much as I’ve been given these past few months, though I will always do my best to pay it forward.

I’m going to go ahead and leave my paypal link here anyway, though I’ll be making those two additional posts tomorrow and next week, as I said. Aiming to keep them shorter than this, well, shorter than any of my posts, really, as shorter posts really just get more traction and I’ll need that. I can always link to the longer explanations of my situation for those wanting to know more.

Again, thank you all more than I can figure out how to put into words. I’m finally. Fuck. LOL. Sorry, I’m being very umm, sentimental over here but like its your fault I’m overwhelmed lol, like omg you guys, you can’t just throw love and affection and support at a guy with so much childhood traaaaaaaaauma, his brain doesn’t know how to handle it, look, you broke him. Are you happy? You broke his brain machine.

Okay cool, we’re back to inanity and obnoxious humor as an overcompensating self-defense mechanism, whew, everything’s normal, everyone can relax. LOL. Anyway, I’m gonna shut up now and go try and get some rest. Just know that I’m doing so feeling way more....hopeful? Optimistic? Faith-in-humanity-and-goodwill-and-community-ey? Than I have in years.

....the fact that I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now is called probably tells you all you need to know about me, huh? LMFAO God I’m so messed up lol. But whatever. Still alive and kicking. So. Y’know. There’s always that.

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

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airbnbfestivals · 5 years

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Greedy hosts and 1 with employee assaulted me

I been very kind to Airbnb hosts in that i can put up with crap that you shouldn't really have to deal with. I guess I'm too kind and people use and abuse me because I don't complain.

So I'm temporarily working at this fast food joint that my friend manages. He needed help someone who can actually work. So working there I found my first place that was kinda close to work. There was other options but they were very expensive.

I found a place and it was already bad I put up with it. The room wasn't cleaned before I checked in. Hair was on the sheets and pillow cases and blanket. The host told me where the clean sheets pillow cases were located and I had to change them myself. Not a big deal but now it's a sign of a bad stay now. The bathroom was nasty moldy hair and unknown hair too. But I dealt with it. So after a night the following day some group of people opened my door as it can't be locked and without knocking they came in. Turns out it was the real estate agent that's showing the home too potential buyers. I'm half naked and was shocked this occurred I told the host and she apologized but that didn't change anything. Again I put up with it because I have work and I have no time to find another place.

I decided to book a month and wanted to arrange that so I can get a month discount. She initially wanted me to pay outside of Airbnb but I said no. So to pay her the amount she had me book the days that will equal the negotiated sum amount.

Because someone had booked my room she had me stay in this basement room which I had to setup myself. I dragged a bed to the room sheets and All. This room was okay I had some privacy but the damn real estate ppl would continue daily showings almost everyday lol. Also during this time the host rented out the entire house for 3 days where the ppl threw a party and I could not sleep h until 5am. So there I stayed for 20 days until she rented my room and text me asking to check out. I called her with frustration because we negotiate for a month time. She even try to say we negotiated a higher price. I showed her screenshots and she says ohh it's a misunderstanding I can move to this big room in the basement. Yea this room is a big space not a room with no privacy and no heat. The hot water didn't work until her friend fixed it for me. It was 57 degrees at the time but I had no choice I needed to lay my head I work hard I'm tired. I slept with my clothes on jacket 3 blankets. Occasionally the guy that had my room wake me when he goes to the bathroom. So after 3 or 4 days he checks out I get to go back in. But I learned that she sold the house she that it won't be a bnb on dec 1st. I can stay until then. Nope after some time and making arrangements for the move she tells me to go. I could not find a place closer by at a short time so that really messed me up because I had to stay at a location where I couldn't get to work. I can't pay $20 one way uber rides $40 a day.

Anyways I just left it alone I kind of left it alone tried not to think about it but I'm dealing with another greedy and shady host at another location.

So this one again likes to take cash too. Apparently that's his thing I found documents he left behind with communications about it. But that's not my problem. My problem is that his employee out of no where lunges and punched my face. I don't know him I don't know why he did it but his face looked like he's crazy. I wanted to defend myself but again it's a bnb I worked managed and ran businesses where thats a no-no. I was angry and I told the host to fix this situation. I gave him a break not call the police only because he's Chinese. Us Chinese usually look out for each other. Boy am I Wrong. Also his wife was there. He tells me to take the bus to his other location which I booked prior. Well I was not taking a bus with my face hurting and I wasn't feeling ""normal". I went to Walmart next to the home and just sat there missing work and all. I didn't get overtime money because of that which I really needed. I just had enough of everything and quit my job. This bnb stuff was not helping my little humble pizza career. This host did not even contact me asking if I'm ok or anything. He asked one of his assistants to talk to me instead. I'm hearing how he doesn't make money and that he's old man blah blah but I don't know if that's true I don't care and it's not my problem. I don't know him. So I messaged him yesterday because I want some money to see a doctor because I'm having issues with my face. This guy actually negotiated that money I need to see a doctor lol. I asked for what I needed he gave me half through his assistant. Anyways I'm done being so nice to these bad hosts. Even my own people screw me. How is a staff member going to punch someone today in America. I will expose these people with evidence of everything I wrote about. It's alot of work to this and time is not on my side. My face still have discomfort around below my eye. The guy did a running lunging punch with all his weight. That is battery and he should be locked up and I could have responded with a 2 piece but I didn't.

Since I left that place and the other bnb I wrote about.. this one in at is so nice in comparison. I got privacy nobody here to wake me, I don't even see the staff that's how good they are, the guests are friendly. But I'm still kinda bugged out about what occurred by the 2 hosts... They are so wrong.. I left out alot of other stuff because I could literally write a book.

I know now not to deal with any bs. I'm paying customer I shouldn't have to be the one accommodating. Besides telling Airbnb I don't know what else to do. I'm still bothered by this. I love Airbnb just not these 2 hosts.

Original post here =+-+= Get $20 off your first AirBnB stay.

#Greedy hosts and 1 with employee assaulted me #vacation #family #place to stay #airbnb #hotel #holid

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scrambledthoughtz · 5 years

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fed up w/ quarantine & other thoughts

been feeling really fucking fed up with myself recently. every time i feel like complaining about this quarantine or shelter-in-place, i feel like a stuck-up asshole and i just remember that TikTok that's like "Kim, there are literally people dying." i understand that i'm in a huge position of privilege given the circumstances because my family and i can afford to stock up on food, toilet paper, and cleaning agents. i know that we are lucky to even have the chance to complain about the fact that we are stuck at home -- reading, sleeping, catching up on lectures, painting, or whatever other activites people have picked up during this quarantine. i know that there are people out there (like doctors, nurses, mail men, grocery store workers, Uber drivers and more) who are working their asses off to make sure that we are able to maintain at least some degree of normalcy despite the chaos that we have all been thrown into. and massive props to them -- i really can't even begin to express my gratitude for those who are still working hard at their jobs while the rest of us get to stay at home. so trust me when i say i know. i know i shouldn't really even be complaining because in the grand scheme of things, i am lucky. my family is lucky. many of us are lucky. but with all that being said, i'm not going to deny the fact that these extended periods of time spent cooped up inside has taken a bit of a toll. i've been so fed up with myself recently for a number of reasons. first, it has been SO hard to focus at home. i'm not used to being inside for so long, or not having the option to go somewhere else to study when my room proves itself to be a massive distraction. it's not like i don't have anything to do. i do. i had midterms last week, and finals this week. but despite this, i've found it so difficult to focus and to commit to sitting down and actually put effort into my schoolwork. i'm the type of person who hates turning something in when i know i haven't put my best effort into. sometimes it is what it is, but especially with my bigger assignments (like this 10-page research paper i have due at the end of this week), i would absolutely hate to turn in something that i'm not at least decently proud of. and i've always been this way. i always tell people the story of when i fell asleep the night before my country report was due, and i woke up to it being finished, thanks for my mom to took over and finished up my project while i had temporarily passed out on the floor next to the computer. in the end, i got an A, but i was still upset because i felt like i didn't deserve the grade that i had gotten. it was my mom's A, not my own. since then, i've mellowed down a little. i've grown to understand that i can't put my 100% into everything, but i still hate turning in something that i'm not proud of. but i just can't find the willpower to sit down and freaking type out this paper. i don't even know why. actually, maybe i do. a few weeks ago, i went to an academic coaching appointment at Foothill, and i told the coach that i may have an perfectionist instict where i drag out assignments because i know that they're going to take a lot of effort and brainpower and i don't want to churn out anything sub-par. it's a worthy revelation, but it doesn't do me any good if i don't work on it. now, i'm not a perfect (or even a stellar) student by any stretch of the imagination, but i don't think i really realized how much of my identity is tied with school and my education. without that structure and constant push, i feel genuinely lost. it's like, "what now?" what am i working towards? if i have too much time on my hands, i'm almost always itching for that empty space to be filled with schoolwork, or any type of productive activity. it's not like i LOVE school or anything, but i also don't hate it. and actually, nowadays, i really miss it. i miss my instructors. i miss my classmates. i miss sitting in a classroom and participating in-person. i'm honestly kind of sick of talking with people over the phone, text, email, or FaceTime. i miss the physical face-to-face connection. i miss my workplace. i miss it a lot. i miss my supervisors, my co-workers, and the ridiculous conversations we'd have during the night shifts. i miss laughing so hard that my stomach hurts and tears are streaming out of my eyes. i've been spending an obscene amount of time on social media, and it's been more toxic, time-consuming, and draining than anything. i've uninstalled and reinstalled Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok countless times over the past week. i honestly lost count of the number of times that i uninstalled one of those apps in a brief moment of determination and productivity, and then reinstalled in a prolonged period of boredom. my sister has been so productive these past few days, and i envy her focus. i'm starting to develop an irrational resentment towards her. she is able to focus for long periods of time, she has the willpower to not snack out of boredom, and she has somehow developed impressive upper body-strength. she goes on daily runs, and she is able to manufacture structure for herself in an otherwise long, uneventful day. the days are beginning to blend together, and i've told myself that i wouldn't let myself succumb to boredom. i try to keep myself busy. i downloaded an audiobook that i listen to in the morning and while i'm walking my dog. it's a charming book, something that i wouldn't be able to get through if i was physically reading it myself. it's called "The Rosie Project." i see so many people rediscovered hobbies and talents, learning how to cook, finally getting to that "stack of books that they've been meaning to get to", creating their own home workouts, and i feel so much guilt. i feel so much guilt that i've been sitting on my ass all day, complaining. not doing much except for refreshing each of my social media apps, hoping for new posts to scroll through. i know that there are things that i should be doing, but i just can't. i know that i should learn to cook because i am going to be moving out soon. i know that i should take this opportunity to work out more often. i know that i've been looking for more time to read, and this extra time has cropped up. i know, i know, i know. i'm beginning to develop familiar resentment towards my friend, who keeps on sending me frightening statistics. stop getting your anxiety all over me. i know that the amount of coronavirus cases in the Santa Clara county has tripled in the past week. i know that the president is shutting down borders and banning international (and even domestic) travel. i know that we are basically trapped. i know that a "shelter-in-place" directive is one of the most serious directives out there, and that it should not be taken lightly. i know that we need to work on flattening the curve, and that we are barely even there. i know that school is probably cancelled for the rest of the semester and that it'll take place virtually, even though the shelter-in-place is only supposed to last until April 7. i know that it'll be extended because the spread of this virus has shown no signs of slowing down. i know that, despite what the media tells us, the elderly are not the only ones who are susceptible. wash your hands, wear a face-mask when you go out, wear gloves, don't touch your face or your mouth. social distancing is the legal mandate. stay 6 feet away. no social gatherings. stay at home, stay at home, stay at home. don't go to the beach and party it up like a fucking idiot. all non-essential businesses shut down. no one knows how long this is going to last. the death toll keeps increasing. our governor may even shut down beaches because ppl aren't taking the shelter-in-place mandate seriously enough. it's crazy, it's uncertain. thankfully my professors have been so understanding, so kind, and so generous. my Ethics professor made our final option (although i'm still going to take it because i have a fucking B in the class right now -- another story for another time). my research methods professor has extended our paper deadline three times, and she sends out announcements reminding us to take care of ourselves. i know that it's a difficult time, but i can't help but feel guilty. yes, it's a difficult time for everyone involved, but surely more so for others? i'm just sitting at home complaining and eating chips. this doesn't apply to me? i don't deserve an extension on anything because i'm not doing anything anyways. it's not like i have anything else to do except my assignments, and i'm still not doing them. i feel like a lazy piece of shit who is just going to take advantage of these extensions to procrastinate even more than i already am. sure, it's lonely at times and i've only really talked in-person with my family for more than a week. but i didn't do anything to deserve this. the real support and recognition should go to those on the frontlines -- the doctors, nurses, infectious disease experts, and so on. props even to my dad, who is a dentist. i'm just sitting at home, having the luxury of doing nothing, having my meals made for me, while my professors are frantically working behind the scenes to make sure we still get our education. i don't deserve this. it always boils down to this, and i'm not sure why. a lingering feeling of guilt or "un-deserved-ness".

#personal #coronavirus

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hellotvv · 7 years

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More Life

More Life. It’s been a while since I recap, and idk how much detail I will go in when writing this. Since, I’m kinda lazy, but I do wanna recap everything as well.

Friday, my first day back home for Spring Break! On Thursday, it was my last day of finals. But I wasn’t too stressed on Thursday tho, since it was an easy Greek Myth final. I could have went home on Thursday, but idk I was kinda sleep deprived after studying so hard for Wednesday final. I also wanted one last day to hang out with my friends, and I recall having a nice dinner with Brent, Brooke, and Elizabeth! Oh also playing some Sm4sh with Brent, since he finished with his finals on Thursday too. I actually saw Kai for the first time in like 2 months that day too LOL, since she had a Greek Myth final with me. I actually haven’t seen her in a long time, since she pretty much just stays at her bf’s place. But anyways, on Friday morning, I woke up early and packed for spring break! I was on my way home and texted Fyona that I was on my way home. She told me that she had a shoot around 3ish at Huntington Beach Pier, and asked me to come along. I asked who it was, and she linked me her instagram. I was like ehh sure why not, nothing better to do. So I picked up Fyona once I arrived in the OC area, she treated me to Raising Canes (which was really sweet), and then we went to Ikea for a quick ice cream run lol. Then we met up with Ali (model) at Huntington Beach Pier, and we shot. She was Laos, which is pretty rare uh ethnicity. I have a cousin that is half Laos and half Vietnamese haha, and him + his Laos mom + sister are really tan. So I was surprised Ali was so light skinned. Anyways, she goes to UCI and was fairly talkative/nice to work with! She was friendly and I’d work with her again in the future given the chance. I think I ended up dropping Fyona home after the shoot, and I’m not quite sure what I did Friday night tbh... Friday was a while back and became kinda a blur ;-;.. This is what I get for not posting about my recaps earlier.

Saturday was a pretty fun day. Since it was BEYOND!! I woke up and hung out with Catherine, if I recalled correctly. Haven’t seen her in a while, so we grabbed lunch together. I don’t remember what we got for lunch :I ugh, I legit can’t remember ;-; I feel bad when my memory lets me down. But yeah, I recall having a good time catching up with her, and I believed I said hi to her grandma when picking her up. Catherine told me her family misses me lolol, and I think it’s cute! Idk ;-; I think I’m not too bad with parents, but apparently Stefanie’s parents didn’t like me that much, and my first gf (well technically Kristy is first real gf, but 6th grade ‘gf’ Jennifer)’s parents didn’t like me and thought I was very spoiled boy since picky eater. So idk, I really I guess appreciate it being liked by parents :D I remember Kristy’s parents (her mom especially) liked me ;-;!! OH wait, checked google maps history and remember now LOL. We went to yard house, since she wanted to go there, and went to the Irvine Spectrum one. It was nice, we walked around, and yeah! Then after dropping her off, I grabbed the stuff that I packed for beyond, and headed to Redlands! I remember The Heirs kdrama shot at University of Redlands for Lee Min Ho’s campus haha. I arrived to the Airbnb at like 4:30 PMish, and it was pretty cute! It had enough beds + softbed for everyone (all 8 of us). Chloe was already there and Arthur. Kris (Rebecca’s bf and Arthur’s hs friend) arrived a bit after, then Bryan came, then Amanda(Rebecca’s HS friend), then Rebecca and Amy arrived. Originally group was just Rebecca, Amy, Chloe, Bryan, and me, but grew to include Kris, Arthur, and Amanda. Amanda, Kris, and Arthur seemed pretty nice and talked to them a bit. Then the boys pregamed while the girls were getting ready... They ended up taking over 2 HOURS to get ready holy jesus. Bryan and I were getting pretty tilted, since Beyond starts at 5, and some of the good acts were at like 6:45, but it’s like 7ish and they were still doing makeup... ._. Bryan and I were even considering just calling an uber by ourselves and get there asap first. But yeah, the girls finished, and we all pregamed a bit. I only took 3 shots, since Bryan and I were gonna roll O_O... I was gonna roll for my first time, and it feels like idk I’m a bad boy now :( but I’m a good sweet boy deep down maybe, I don’t smoke, rarely drink, and yeah... Idk how I got convinced, but Bryan was very convincing. He didn’t drink too much either, since we were gonna roll. We were gonna split half a pill each :O Anyways, ended up calling the uber and finally arrived around like 8ish lol... But got inside fairly quickly, Bryan and I bought water and split the pill to take it. Then we all as a big 8 person group went inside Queen’s Domain and listened to Ookay. Chloe was dancing with Arthur, Rebecca was dancing with Kris. While Amanda, Amy, Bryan, and I were just dancing to the music. Bryan and I slowly tried to shift away to uhh dance with scandalously dressed broads, but Chloe sees us kinda far away and drags us back to the group LOL and goes, ‘omg u guys are so far!’ T_T she did this 3x more LOL... Eventually they took a break to go to the rest room, and Bryan and I ditched. We had a good time dancing on our own, talked/interacted with strangers that were rolling too, and eventually the pill hit me like 45-1 hour later. Which is PRETTY late O_O apparently, since it generally hits ppl 30 mins in. I guess the way I could describe it is, you’re essentially sober tbh. It’s even hard to tell maybe. Like you’re not drunk or feel drunk, you have perfect hand-eye coordination, your not hallucinating or anything, you’re just happy? Like idk it’s like similar to being hyper or happy while being drunk, but yeah you’re just happy and can appreciate the shitty music (if shitty music is playing) and willing to dance to it. My feet NEVER got sore tho :O like normally I get tired and have to sit down occasionally. But idk I guess either the pill or adrenaline or idk, but my feet never got tired and I pretty much could go without ever taking a break! Crazy~ Ended up meeting some dude from SLO actually. Some Asian guy lost his group of friends, and we helped him find his group of friends. Then we dance with his group of friends, and they were nice and from SLO, and the dude lived in Rowland Heights and surprisingly knew my friend Harrison Tan! Kinda cool befriending random strangers even if it’s just for the night. I was supposed to meet up with my model friend Cindy or my HS friend Dana, but the phone reception was so bad lol... Dana’s text on where to meet up legit arrived THE NEXT DAY... Omg... I just thought she was too busy to reply lol~ Then Bryan and I met up with his group of HS friends that were there, and danced/hung out with them. Nice guys/girls! :) Stuck with them until the end of the night where Snails closed around 2 AM. Then Bryan and I met up with our group haha finally at the end of the rave. Turns out Rebecca and Chloe ended up rolling for the first time too, I think they got convinced by the guys. Uhm, then took forever to get an uber, since everyone was calling one -.- and the rates were insane legit $50 surge, when the price is originally $12. Got back to the airbnb around 4, and I knocked out in the bed.

Sunday, I slept alright and ended up waking up almost first amongst everyone at like 9:30 AM. Got changed and got ready to go, once everyone was up and ready, since check out was at 12. Bryan and I decided to get lunch together before we split off. Since he needed to head to thousand oaks, and I need to head back to the oc area. We got a nice lunch together, talked about how we both had a good time at Beyond, and wished each other a nice spring break! So I drove home and got back around 2ish I believe. I showered and changed, then chilled for a bit. I had plans to hang out with Catherine again after she finishes work at 3:30 PM. So I stopped to harass her at Icey Cream Roll (dumb name lol) which is a new ice cream place in the plaza next to my house. Came by to visit her and snapchat harass her, and she made me free ice cream ;-; and gave it to me so sweet. She didn’t eat lunch and wanted olive garden lol, so I took her there. I ate again T_T sigh two lunches omg... Since idk this is how I gain back weight I GUESS, but I didn’t want to make it awkward if she just eats lol. But yeah, ate again at Olive Garden, and when we were paying she tried to take out her card. But she couldn’t find it, so she wondered if she forgot it while paying at Yard House the other day with me, since she didn’t use her card since then. She calls yard house, but they said they haven’t seen it but will call back if they do. We drive to her house, I saw her grandma and mom, and said hi and they asked me idk smalltalk questions like oh am I home for spring break/etc, and yeah! She ended up finding her credit card in her bag at home, and she was very relieved. Then we headed out to Huntington Beach Pier to shoot, since she wanted to shoot with me. I obliged, since idk and we shot for fun, then she stopped by forever 21 to buy some clothes. She found clothes she liked and went to buy it, but she was like O_O where’s my wallet, and checked her pockets. So she assumed she left it in my car, and I was like oh my this catherine. I was a nice guy and just used my debit card and took the $70 transaction on my card ;-;. Then the wallet was not in my car at all lol... So we drove back to her house, and it turns out she left wallet at her house lol... Then I just chilled at her place, we watched Iron Fist first episode together, and her mom offered me dinner but I was way too full after the two lunches... After the first Iron Fist episode, it was getting late like 8-9ish idr, so went home chilled and passed out! I had plans to hang out with Hope the next day and Catherine told me to have fun~

Then Monday, was a day where I hung out with Hope!! I haven’t seen Hope in a long time and it was cool to finally hang with her. She wanted to shoot together in the morning, since she had a b-day party or something later in the day :( so I had to wake up early... T_T So we got chick-fil-a together since she suggested it and she actually treated me :D I was like waow friend so nice!! What did I do to deserve this LOL. Fyona asked me what I was doing today, and I told her I was shooting with Hope, and she wanted to come along. Fyona and Hope shot together before, and they’re kinda friends probably haha. I asked Hope if it was okay, and Hope was down since she likes Fyona and the more the merrier. So we picked up Fyona, since she lives near chick-fil-a too, and then headed to Newport Beach’ beach. I haven’t been to this beach in a pretty long time tbh, I mostly go to Huntington Beach pier or something. But I remember it was a fairly nice beach and I was right. I drove all of us, parked, and we tried to shoot around. It was really sunny, since we’re freaking shooting at like noonish or 1 PM if I recall correctly! So had to shoot in the shade, but I think photos came out okie :) despite the sun. Idk, I swear I always end up shooting at like non-golden hour times lolol.. When I ideally only want to shoot at golden hour ;-; I guess shooting at like 6 PM (since sunset 7:11 PM or something nowadays) isn’t convenient for most ppl :P Fyona didn’t model or anything as well, she kinda just tagged along and talked to Hope/me and it was fun. Since Fyona is really talkative and yeah~ We stopped by a boba place nearby for a break and I got a drink there, and the Thai Tea was actually super good surprisingly o.o... I pretty much only get Thai Tea or regular milk tea or iced/snow milk tea from places (sometimes Taro too I guess rarely tho), and the Thai Tea was pretty good! Was much surprised :O I generally expect idk not much from places that I don’t hear too much about haha. Anyways, after shooting together and talking, I drove back to my house, and Hope headed out afterwards to her friend’s b-day party. Fyona was still chilling and didn’t really have plans, but I actually had plans! I had plans with Jennifer (goes by Peach nowadays lol), who is an old HS friend and actually my good friend Kristy’s ex. I know I shouldn’t be friends with her, since Peach kinda wronged Kristy one of my close friends :( but idk... Peach has been really nice to me kinda like always, and idk... I guess it’s like yeah, I wasn’t dating Peach so technically she never did anything that should make me stop being friends with her. But I’m way closer with Kristy and she did wronged my friend by cheating on her. Idk, weird situation uhh idk Kristy happy nowadays with Jessica for over a year now, and they broke up maybe 2 almost 3 years ago. So maybe it’s okay? Idk. Haven’t really thought too much about whether it’s right to be friends with Peach or not, since maybe I should be taking a side or maybe I shouldn’t or maybe morally I shouldn’t be friends with someone who INCREDIBLY wronged my close friend even if I was never told to pick a side? SOOOO enough of that. Peach goes to UCSC nowadays and was actually in the oc area with two of her UCSC friends (one is her future bf - currently seeing him & other is her best friend at UCSC) and the 3rd person she’s with is her UCSC best friend sister. I think the names are Eric for future bf, Jen for her best friend, & Kathy for Jen’s sister. Fyona came along, since she had no other plans, and Peach said okie! We met up with them all at south coast plaza, Jen and her sister Kathy went to go shopping around south coast. Eric, Jen, and Kathy are all from NorCal and it’s basically a cool vaca for them in the oc area haha, so shopping understandable. Eric, Peach, Fyona, and I all split off from them for a bit to idk talk and hang out. We sat at some paris restaurant not to eat, but for fyona to eat. Then I talked to Eric and we REALLY hit it off. He saw me spinning the fork like idk casually, and was like wtf do u know pen spinning. I was like yeah, I learned it a long time ago haha, then we talked about modded pens, tricks we knew, and yeah. He’s into photography, so I started idk teaching him a lot about photography, we talked about hobbies, and games. He thinks I’m super cool, since idk I have a lot of ‘cool’ hobbies apparently, and Peach hypes me up to the whole group apparently :O I was like woah, I didn’t know Peach found me so cool, and she told them I’m pretty talkative lol, which is fairly true if I don’t see ppl in a while or still at the small talk level. Since I have a bunch of interests to potentially share with ppl. So Eric and I talked about raves, school, how he met peach, music, games, lots about photography, a bit on pen spinning, how I got into fashion/fragrances (cologne)/photography, and yeah. Then Fyona split off, since she got picked up by one of her friends to hang out. Eric, Peach, and I joined up with Jen and Kathy again. We headed to the lab, which is nearby south coast plaza where the honey & butter truck used to be! At the lab, Jen and Kathy split up again to go shopping even tho not much to shop. While Eric, Peach, and I started shooting. Peach was nice enough to model for us and I basically taught Eric a lot of what I know about photography. I taught him about compositions, a lot about how to pose, how to shoot backlit, framing, how I like to shoot, and etc. I have to teach him about editing another time. But I pretty much taught him a lot of technical stuff like focusing on eyes, etc etc etc! So he’s getting pretty good by the end of it and REALLY appreciated the idk free teaching. Since I really really went indepth and he liked how I posed Peach, and etc. It was almost 7 and they were gonna go eat at Kitakata where Peach and Kristy used to work. I was thinking about joining them, but uhh I had other plans... But before I left, it turns out Kathy goes to UCSB, while everyone else goes to UCSC. It turns out she’s a 1st year bio major waow, so I gave her advice on teachers and kinda how classes are like and etc, she really appreciated it. She noticed that I was wear common project shoes, so I was like wow ;O how she know! Her sister was like, uhh is that a brand new or something?? Then Kathy was like uhh yeahhh! Then Peach was like yeah Theo is kinda balling. I was like ;-; friends I’m not balling (in my head ofc). But Kathy gets brownie points for going to ucsb and being a bio major! She will uh come into play in Saturday’s story lol... So at night my plans were to dick down this random broad... Uhm do not want to expand on this, since not necessarily trying to remember this event. But dang o.o girl got attached really quick what theeeee. Uhm, it didn’t feel very good tbh :l idk even kissing was like ehh... It wasn’t like she was a bad kisser or anything, just idk everything felt kinda meh even putting it in. Like I didn’t really feel anything? Idk if it’s just her or what, but I guess it just didn’t feel very good. I guess I’ve just been a relationship person generally and this kinda just helps remind me that, I really don’t like doing these things with people I don’t at least really like, and even if I’m horny I should remember that lol... But yeah, one night stand basically, and I guess it was the first time I did anything with another girl, since freaking August O_O... Well I had a long period of being a good boy and trying to be happy single and move on. But yeah, I don’t think I’ll be dicking down any girls again anytime soon, unless I’m dating them. Since it really isn’t that enjoyable :( from kissing to everything... There’s just something a lot more idk great about looking at the girl, knowing you really really love her, kiss her, exchange ilys, the intimacy and everything is what makes sex feels good at least for me. Also knowing you can cuddle with her after given the chance and idk, I think casual sex is just not for me. :( It may seem idk kinda cool in the moment, but yeah... Anyways, uhh after that, went home played games, and never talking to that girl again :D even tho she wanted to plan another day, like uhh no!!

The next day was a very interesting day, since it’s the day that I met up with Kristy. Kristy was my ‘real’ girlfriend essentially. She was my first kiss, my first lots of things, and yeah. We broke up my senior year kinda mutually, but I initiated it. At the time, she was idk maybe in love with me (who knows really), but wasn’t necessarily putting in that much effort anymore, and wasn’t too into being in a serious relationship anymore. I guess she was a sophomore in college and wanted to idk date around and etc, which is understandable. But I guess I didn’t see a point in continuing in the relationship, if she felt that way and wasn’t going to put some effort into the relationship since it would be unfair for me, who was. But we didn’t end over a fight or anything, we kept each other on social media/etc, just didn’t talk for like actually 4 months or so? By then, she had a new bf, I moved on and was happy, and we even became friends again after that. I think we generally continued to be friends from there, but maybe drifted away somewhere between when I was going to start college at UCSB, and she started UCI. I mean we were friends, but just didn’t talk that much around that time, I guess life just got busy. I do remember the first time we hung out tho, after breaking up. It was pretty interesting actually. I think we met up at a mall, I’d like to think it was round 1 mall in city of industry (?), and I remember one of the first initial thoughts after seeing her again post-breakup was, “o.o i’ve seen this girl completely naked before” lol... Yeah, I didn’t imagine her naked or anything, but it was just like a really dumb and random first thought haha... Following that day, I think we still hung out a couple times following that, I even recall helping her move into her apartment in Irvine with her mom one time, and she treated me to yardhouse afterwards. I think she even slept over once at my house, but in a diff room, and we were already broken up. She actually never slept over when were together!!! How wasted in a way or like uhh, I think I was thinking at the time, wowow this would be a lot more lit if we were dating lol. But ofc, feelings were gone by then, and yeah. Eventually Kristy and I got into a random dumb argument and stopped talking. Then she messaged me (kinda like after the breakup actually a long time ago) and said hi, and then we reconnected again. Anyways, met up with her at raising canes, where she’s never been before. Seeing her again for the first time in a year, she honestly generally look the same. It was fun catching up with her on the past year of our lives, and yeah. She told me about her crazy ex-bf and then her new dude that she’s seeing, life after graduating from UCI, hobbies, and we talked about life, future, idk plans in general, and etc etc. It was fun, we went to South Coast Plaza, walked around, talked about fashion a bit, and then bid each other goodbye. She said that we should hang out again before I leave, and I agreed. At night, I met up with my friend Jia for the movies! Jia texted me asking if I wanted to watch a movie with her and I agreed. She picked me up and I really appreciated it, since she’s pretty much the only friend of mine that actually drives me lol... I always drive other people, so it’s nice to be driven! Talked to her about beyond, rolling for first time, what’s new from the last time I saw her which was prob like a 3 day weekend not too long ago, and then we headed to Bella Terra to watch beauty and the beast. But the seats were pretty much all taken!! wowow lame. So we drove to irvine spectrum, which has this lit VIP seating thing nowadays. Where they deliver food/drinks during the movie to you and having those cool reclining chairs haha. We ate at the melt, since the movie started late at like 9 for the VIP tickets, and the melt was pretty good tbh! Good choice by Jia! I ate it before at an la mall food court, but it was pretty bad there... But it was soliddd at irvine spectrum tho! Anyways, movie began and took a bunch of snaps, since it was kinda cool. We got alcohol delivered (since jia has her cousin’s ID) and cake delivered during the movie, and had a good time watching Beauty and The Beast. It was a good movie! I kinda want to go on a date in the future and use the irvine spectrum vip movie whatever :) would be cool to chill with a date with reclining seats and have food delivered during the movie! Anyways, it was like 12 by the time the movie ended, said goodbye to Jia, it was fun and she dropped me off at home.

It was really funny tho, since I snapchat all my friends who I’ve been hanging out with over break, and I would get snaps from ucsb friends saying wowow your friends are so pretty. Like Amandi, Chloe, Kristy (ex, I guess not UCSB friend in this case) would be like wow ur friends are so pretty! I’d show my friend that I’m with what they snap chat me, and they’re like haha thanks. Idk, I guess I’ve only really hung out with female friends generally this break o.o... They just happen to be female and apparently cute. But I wasn’t hitting on any of them.. Chloe was like, damnn Theo get at those cute girls, I see youuu. But I’m not tho D: Fyona is prob one of my best friends, Catherine uhh no more with that, Hope has a bf, Jia one of my oldest friend and no, Peach uhh can’t since Kristy’s ex and she has dude, and idk if I’m forgetting anyone else. But yeahhh~ Had to explain to Chloe that they generally have bfs LOL. They’re just my good friends :) I think it’s funny tho that ppl think that I have cute friends and that I should get at them.

Anyways, Wednesday was a fairly chill day. My dad brought me lunch, we went to get my car I guess get an estimate on how much it’ll cost to polished the car to return since lease running out, then had a nice dinner out with mom and dad! I did talk to my dad and mom about my future, and they really believe in me still with becoming a doctor, but we also discussed other potential options for grad school too. Idk I feel bad when they really believe in me, and I feel like I’m letting them down sometimes if I’m not acing all my classes with solid As or something... Since I want to :( and my parents do work really hard to put me in school, make sure I’m living well and eating well, and do try to make sure I’m happy... So I want to be happy, successful, and live well for them, and take care of them when I get older.. But yeah, maybe more on that another time.

On Thursday, I was pretty bored in the morning. Fyona asked if she could come over and chill a bit, before her friend Pdiddy comes to pick her up and take her to pick up her wallet that she left in some photographer’s car. So I guess it was kinda cool just talking to her. My dad think she’s pretty and polite, and I should go after her LOL... I asked Catherine, if she wanted to grab lunch and hang, and she was down. But I did warn her that my dad was making me go car shopping. My dad said it should only take like 45 mins-1 hour, so I told Catherine that. I picked up Catherine, and then we headed over to my house. Uhh, she met my dad, and I explained to my dad how I oddly spend a lot of time with another vietnamese family (catherine’s family) nearby LOL. He was like wut, and I was like ye, they live like 2 blocks down. Anyways, uhm, got to the car dealership, and this was an adventure... But basically, dad was super cancerous with negotiation. I thought he was wasting our time and it seemed like that. Catherine and I was legit waiting 4-5 hours straight while my dad annoying negotiate for the car lease. Eventually he won, and he got pretty much the lowest price ever for the car lease (the finance dude even said so, he was like wtf this is a crazy good deal, and the finance dude wasn’t in the negotiations at all just saw price). Catherine was uhh fairly annoyed, since she was like 45 mins right Theo. I was like ;-;!! I treated her to cafe maji and uh ice cream, so it was okie! She wasn’t that mad or anything :3 at least I don’t think so lol.

Friday - On Friday, I was gonna accompany Hope to a shoot with some random photographer that wanted to shoot Hope. But right when I got to Hope’s house around 4, the shoot got canceled last minute since idk photographer had a family emergency. So we called up Catherine and it turns out she was at uh the Santa Ana Mall, where round 1 is. So Hope and I met up with her, but Catherine was with her mom and shopping. We hung out with Catherine and her mom for a bit. Catherine tried to leave with us/hang with us, but she had to do lots of important shopping with mom, since Catherine was leaving on Sunday to New York for a week. So I played DDR with Hope and it was fun, and a rhythm game at round 1. Then I dropped her off, and headed to hang out with Dana. I met up with Dana at Santa Ana 4th street market, and we got food and talked/caught up. She wanted to hang out, since she thought about starting a blog/instagram/etc, since she was going to transfer to SDSU. So I gave her tips about hashtags, etc etc etc. Then she wanted to head to the Artic to take a nice shot. She didn’t want photos of her, but she was kinda interested in learning photography haha. So I spent like legit 1-2 hours of just talking and teaching her photography. Stuff from aperture, shutter speed, settings, iso, composition, lenses, etc etc the essential basics. She really appreciated it and learned a lot! She doesn’t know if she’ll invest in a nice camera any time soon, but she really appreciated the composition tips! So basically over spring break, I taught 2 ppl photography lol :3 But yeah, it feels good idk teaching and sharing my knowledge. I always kinda want like an apprentice, where I could just dump all my sick knowledge of fashion/photography/etc haha. Anyways, fun night hanging out with friends like Hope/Catherine, and old friends.

Saturday - On Saturday, it was a busy busy day. I basically woke up at 8 am and went over to pick up Catherine. Since there was this sick warehouse sale where shoes are like $5, $10, $15, and $20 and the sale starts at 9 AM in Chino Hills. Chino Hills is like 45 mins away, but I drove and accompanied Catherine for the shoe sale, since I owed her after she waited 4-5 hours for my car shopping lol. We got there, the line was crazy long, waited 1 hour just to get in, and then Catherine only bought 3 pairs of shoes. This is actually not that many pairs, since other girls were buying like 7-10 pairs, since some shoes are just $5 or $10! But uh, carried her bags, and kinda just stood in hot sun for like a couple hours. Then we ate, and head back to our respective houses. Then at like 5, we met up with some photographer name Anthony Kwon to shoot in Laguna Beach. We actually shot at the beach, and I haven’t shot at laguna beach’s actual beach yet. It was really sunny, so it was kinda hard for me to take my shots. Anthony Kwon was a really nice dude, and apparently he does photography for a living. He’s a wedding photographer and apparently works for one of the biggest wedding photography agency or whatever. This was a bit surprising tbh, since uhh I don’t think he’s that good of a photographer based on his portfolio haha... But he does use uhm strobes and external flash and reflectors/etc. But the problem is, I think he doesn’t know how to use them well. Since using flash poorly gives a really idk bad look, but if you can use it well then you can get some really dramatic shots. Idk, I just prefer natural light, since it does take some skill to use natural light well. But I generally don’t like the look of flash, unless someone is especially skilled with it, or it’s like some studio shot. But yeah, shooting with Catherine and Anthony was fun, it was getting late like 7-8ish, so I head home and ate with family. Then I rested a bit, and Kristy was bored and fb messaged me that she was craving pho. I already ate dinner, so I wasn’t gonna eat with her, but I told her that I’d join her and order like Thai Tea or something, if she wants to get pho nearby me lol. She did want to, and at like 12:45 we met up at a pho place near my house. She said the pho was okay, and I just ordered a drink. We talked and it was kinda fun to talk to her more. I told her how I got into like chinese novels, and she was like ooh recommend me some, and I’ll check them out. I was like woah, nobody ever takes the initiate to idk try reading them after I mention about it. Then it kinda remind me back when I used to date her a long time ago. She was also fairly down to get into my hobbies/interests and I was down to get into hers. I got into tumblr more because of her, she got into reddit and began to actively use it. I got into watching the walking dead and dynstopian novels, well I didn’t really get into them, but I tried them at least for her. She was also into knitting/sewing, which I didn’t get into but appreciated lol. I think she got into some mangas cause of me back then and some other hobby. But I just think it’s cool when ppl are open minded and tries chino hills shoe shopping with catherine, then shoot at laguna beach and met anthony kwon, and then met up with kristy 1st gf at night just now for midnight pho run lol, how she was down to read wuxia novels, how it’s cool and how I previously liked in our relationship how she would get into my hobbies and I get into hers. Okay, I don’t want to make it sound like I’m interested in Kristy or anything lmao. Feelings are long gone, I just think it’s cool like oh hey, she still has this characteristic that I really appreciated about her back then. But yeah, recommend her stuff, and she suggested getting roasting waters with her and this dude she’s seeing before I head off to SB the next day.

Sunday - I met up with Steven and Kristy the next day around noon, we got roasting waters, then ate at mcdonalds together haha. Steven was a nice dude, pretty interesting. He does magic tricks and they were pretty cool~ Then, I headed off back to SB, unpacked, and etc then passed out!

That was pretty much my Spring Break :D

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