#pretty sure i'm not going to be able to finish by the end of july like i originally planned

[novelmonger]

I haven't made any updates for my scoping class in a while, mostly because my sisters and I are trying to move by the end of the month, so most of my free time has been eaten up with packing, apartment hunting, and sundry other annoying things on top of the usual adulting and other obligations. So I am woefully behind on homework - eight hours behind at this point oTL I'll really have to put my nose to the grindstone once we move.

But I have made a bit of progress in between all of that. As I think I mentioned last time, after a few lessons about the nitty-gritty of how to edit in this program, next is a whole slew of lessons about basic things about the program (which I kind of think should have come first, but whatever). Since my last update, I have learned:

How to use the spellcheck

How to customize the layout (but I'm mostly just leaving everything in the default settings because ain't nobody got time for that)

How to copy and move files within the program

How to save what they call the "update area" - basically, all the new words/translations you've globaled, as they call it, so the program will automatically translate certain keystrokes from the reporter to the right words (like if the reporter has never typed the name "Debbie," the program will now translate those strokes as "Debbie" rather than "deb E" or something)

And yes, it's all as riveting as it sounds.

But now I'm actually kind of excited, because the next lesson is about Audiosync, which is a feature that links an audio file to the text file of the transcript. So if the audio of the proceeding gets recorded, you can listen along and catch things that were said the reporter may have missed, or you can figure out if what someone said is a statement or a question, that kind of thing.

I didn't realize there would be actual files to practice on, with full audio and everything! But this is about as close as it gets to the real thing, so even though the instructions are "just play around until you feel comfortable," I'm totally just going to edit all of them all the way through (even though one of them is like 150 pages long ^^'). I'm like...paranoid that I'm going to get to the end of this course and still not know what I'm doing when I set foot in the real world. I know I'm being overly cautious and fastidious about this, fully editing every transcript example they give me, but I'm hoping it will pay in the long run.

Also, this will probably give me the best indication of whether I can really do this job and how enjoyable/exhausting/stressful it might be. I mean, at this point, I'm probably not going to back out, but for adulting things, I like to know what to expect as much as possible ahead of time.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: july 2024

full disclosure: I started out July in a bit of a mental lurch, really feeling stuck in a rut. there are a lot of reasons for that, absolutely none of which need to be shared with the general populace of tumblr dot com, but suffice to say that I was feeling listless and reading was not a high priority. I was pretty content to accept that this was going to be another month where I didn't finish a lot of books. I was too busy for most of June, and now too unfocused and bummed out in July.

and then that ended up not being the case. I think I can chalk that up to three things:

very early in the month I realized that none of the reading I had been planning on getting to was grabbing my interest at all, so I did something drastically different: picked up a YA memoir that I bought at pride on the recommendation of a bookseller. not my usual kind of reading at all, but YA is very readable and memoirs grab me fast because I'm nosy, so I figured it might be great for getting out of a rut. and boy, was I right!

Akwaeke Emezi also has a new novel out, and if you don't know then please note now that I'm a person second and an Akwaeke Emezi fan first. their newest novel was a sinister joyride, non-stop twists and turns that I couldn't put down until I saw the characters through to their bitter ends.

and, of course, over in the Dungeon Meshi manga I got to Mithrun. I've only had Mithrun for a couple of chapters, but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this dungeon and then myself. even if I hadn't been able to read anything else, that would have kept me running back to the library for more Dungeon Meshi.

all of which added up to a fairly voracious appetite for books being reignited in my brain, and my second most book-heavy month of the year so far (still haven't beat May, but there's time). sick!

so - what have I been reading?

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 7-10 (Ryoko Kui, trans. Taylor Engel, 2019-2022) - mannnnn I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said elsewhere, but Dungeon Meshi is so. fucking good. the way that Kui starts to raise the stakes of the story and grow the world beyond the core band of adventurers is so conscientious and well-done, timed perfectly so it never feels like having an undercooked heap of fantasy exposition thrown at you all at once. instead everything proceeds at a perfect simmer, leaving me feeling like the frog in that pot of boiling water who didn't notice how dire things had gotten until it was very suddenly too late and I was screaming bloody murder at a book. things have gotten so dire that I'm yearning for the days when fighting a red dragon was our biggest problem - and yet, through it all, every character remains rendered with humanity and compassion, no matter how scary, dangerous, or outright alien they first appear. I'm not naming any spoilers, but I need [REDACTED] to fix shit ASAP in Vol. 11 and [SUPER REDACTED] is on my shitlist fucking forever. also Mithrun sweetie you're perfect, do as many crimes as you want.

Heart and Hand (Rebel Carter, 2019) - my romance novel of the month, as picked by my lovely patreonites! this self-published historical romance promised some messy f/m/m, following a biracial (half Black, half white) young lady, Julie Baptiste, as she responds to a marriage ad that takes her out west to the fictional town of Gold Sky, Montana. Julie's sort of a standard historical heroine - she doesn't care for the silliness of high society and vastly prefers the company of books, looking forward to becoming Gold Sky's schoolteacher - but her marriage has a twist: rather than marrying one man, she's agreed to marry two, a pair of friends who have been inseparable since they served together in the Civil War. this book is charming, for sure, but I can't help be more intrigued by what isn't there than what is, namely: are these men having sex with each other or not? Rebel? hey, Rebel? why is there no DP in this two husbands mail order bride book? that was, like, he bare minimum that I expected. for the love of god, why did those men never put both of their dicks inside Julie at the same time? why did we spend so much time on emotional conflict that could be easily resolved if anyone just talked to each other when Julie's two beautiful husbands could have been having sex in front of her? HELLO?

also, listen, this is such a nitpick, but I am FROM Montana and it feels personal: I know that the general poverty of frontier life isn't sexy, but god these people are WAY too well off. at one point Julie enjoys some fucking BANANAS, something that I goddamn assure you were not easy to come by in late 19th century Montana. a banana. as fucking if.

All Boys Aren't Blue (George M. Johnson, 2020) - as is proudly advertised on the back cover of my copy, in recent years All Boys Aren't Blue has been the second most-challenged book in America behind Maia Kobabe's Gender Queer. reading through All Boys Aren't Blue it was initially hard to see what exactly was so objectionable, until I realized that a queer Black person living their life with compassion and joy is the scariest thing some of these motherfuckers can possibly imagine. Johnson writes about their life growing up in the nexus of racism, homophobia, and masculinity with wisdom and endless compassion, directly addressing young people who may find themselves in similar positions to offer them assurance that they, too, can be okay. more than anything, All Boys Aren't Blue is a plea for young people to live their lives without fear and shame. it's a beautiful blessing of a book that I hope brings comfort to every innumerable kids who need it.

Little Rot (Akwaeke Emezi, 2024) - how do I even begin to describe Little Rot? definitely not for those who feel squeamish about sex crimes, I guess that's an important place to start. this novel starts with the breakup of a long-term Nigerian couple, Kalu and Aima, and follows both of them into a weekend that starts with drugs and sex parties and spirals increasingly out of control from there, drawing more and more characters into a complicated snarl of money and power. Little Rot has the seedy, lurid draw of an episode of SVU if SVU ever grew up and realized that cops don't do shit, reveling in the nastiest that Emezi's imagined city of New Lagos has to offer. cannot say this book is for everyone - few of Emezi's novels are - but god, it's a thrilling study in corruption.

The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader (editor Joan Nestle, 1992) - this is a massive and fascinating historical document, assembled by Nestle as part of her work with the Lesbian Herstory Archives. within this collection are letters, interviews, academic essays, poems, and transcribed oral histories from all manner of self-identified butch and femme lesbians. while some of the contributors are recognizable names in the history of American queer activism (including Pat Califa, who's a bisexual trans man now lmao), others are women who were just trying to live their lives with as much authenticity, comfort, and dignity as was possible in their time. (although, notably, the vast majority of these women are white, and all but a very few are Americans. racial and cultural diversity is not one of the collection's strong suits.)

the personal narratives span all over the twentieth century, and I was really delighted to see the very frank discussions of what would be written off as "bad representation" by a lot of queer resources today: butches overdosing on toxic masculinity and getting in messy bar brawls, femmes committing outlandish acts of adultery, lesbian sexual awakenings taking place between fairly young children, and one extremely memorable instance of a butch getting unexpectedly pregnant and decided to do a little sex work on the side since she couldn't get more pregnant than she already was. I was particularly fascinated by the many, many accounts of "second wave" self-identified lesbian feminists who tried to do away with butch/femme identities and "politically incorrect" expression of lesbian sexuality altogether (that's everything but mutual cunnilingus, btw) in pretty eerie echoes of contemporary radfem arguments. at close to 500 pages it's definitely better suited to skimming and stopping to read whatever catches your attention rather than trying to read cover to cover, but I think this is a really invaluable piece of history.

American Mermaid (Julia Langbien, 2023) - this was a novel, for sure. American Mermaid is a novel about a broke, anxious high school teacher named Penelope whose novel, also called American Mermaid, is a runaway success that gets optioned for film. Penelope quits her teaching job and moves across the country to Hollywood to work on the script with two dude bros who don't really Get what American Mermaid is about, and set to work turning Penelope's weird, unsexy female empowerment novel into an MCU-style action romp with a hot young lead. the novel's strongest when it's deep in the spirals of Penelope's frantic mind, probing the conflict between her fairly desperate need for cash (she wants to be financially independent of her conservative father, she has good reason to suspect breast cancer is in her future, she wants to start a family someday) and the artistic affront she feels at watching her story be disrespected and dismantled. where it's weaker is in the extensive chapters of the story-within-a-story; while useful for context, I straight up didn't need to read that much of Penelope's novel. and the plot overall kind of felt like it fell off the rails near the end once Langbien finishes making her point about how Hollywood sucks. it's not bad, but it's also just... fine. it's fine!

How to Taste: A Guide Discovering Flavor and Savoring Life (Mandy Naglich, 2023) - how do I put this so nicely? this book is for people who are kind of dork ass losers about food, a group that I do very much count myself as a part of. I first became acquainted with Naglich's work when she appeared on a podcast called the Sporkful, which claims that it is "not for foodies, it's for eaters." I'm a fairly devout listener, and after listening to Naglich describe her efforts to become a master cicerone (one of the world's most elite beer tasters, a distinction that is taken Very Fucking Seriously) I thought sure, whatever, that's a book I can get behind. Naglich is maybe a big more entertaining as a podcast guest than a nonfiction author. in places the book can be dry or roughly constructed in a way that suggests another pass by an editor or maybe a co-writer would have helped. and straight up, there are just weird fucking typos in this book that are like. crazy to me, I cannot believe they got through. the cheap-ass cover art also suggests this was not exactly a high budget production.

but having been very mean about it, there are a lot of extremely interesting tidbits about the world of professional tasting here! it sounds awful and you couldn't pay me to do it, but here's the cool thing: Naglich is extremely aware that what she does is insane and she knows that the average reader doesn't want to learn how to identify where a coffee bean was grown just by sniffing the bean from across a room. what she offers instead are really approachable ways to be more conscientious about how you interact with and appreciate food! and she also shares some really cool info about tasting snobbery that IS bullshit, to help you sort out the stuff that actually matters and emphasize that fun and personal taste ultimately trump any "rules." it's a very dorky book but I, personally, did have a good time.

Sex Criminals Vol 3: Three the Hard Way (Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky, 2016) - every time I read another volume of Sex Criminals I find myself thinking "man, hang on, do I ever actually like Sex Criminals? am I enjoying this?" but then I end up placing a hold on the next one. I don't know, it's charming! it's like so very VERY 2010s in its dialogue, by which I mean it's like. you know. it's giving Joss Whedon before we all found out how bad he sucked and collectively booed him. but man, I love a story that's down to get weird, and Sex Criminals is sooooo about being weird. and yet also very normal where sex is concerned! considering this is a series all about people having freaky world-altering powers that activate when they cum, sex is treated as an incredibly ordinary thing, warts and all. I like that! I like seeing that! idk, I don't need every comic to be perfect, as evidenced by the fact that I'm actively enjoying Azrael: Angel of the Bat. sometimes the vibes are just good.

[shotgunbunny]

I need outdoor, maybe even hot tub sex with lumberjack!ari like 🫣🫣🫣🫣

༻𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠༺

I'm adding this onto my like real people oneshot bc dark lumberjack daddy needs more screen time 😌

(Warnings!! Dark!Ari!! Smut!! Like a tiny bit of angst but it's not bad at all!! Mentions thoughts of murder from Ari!! Dumbification!! Breeding!!)

It had been 6 months since Ari had saved you from the big bad world and now that it was summer, you craved to be around people. To go outside more and hang around the lake with your friends. Well you're not so sure they were your friends. Afterall Ari knew everything and he said that they were just using your stupidity to laugh at you.

You remember crying all night when Ari had told you this. He soon comforted you though by telling you that he would never do that, that he loved you and he adored teaching you everything he had to offer. You were absolutely smitten for him just as he was you.

Yet you didn't like his rule of not being able to go outside without his permission or him accompanying you. You felt trapped. So everytime Ari got home at the beggining of summer you pleaded with him to take you to the lake to go skinny dipping and everytime you were met with a harsh glare and a spanking.

After two weeks of asking you eventually gave up, his stubborn attitude and the spankings he gave you made you stop trying. This dulled your mood, and you eventually stopped greeting him with cheerful hellos and goodbyes. Instead when he got home, he was greeted with you serving him dinner and then a silent meal. No matter how he tried to converse you simply just gave him one word replies and he knew he had to make this right.

So everynight while you slept, he dedicated 2 hours to building you a hot tub. He put it around the back so that you had a beautiful view of the town from way up here. He was determined to get you to smile again, to get his little Persephone to stay happy and never wander back home.

After 2 weeks of working on it, he was finally finished, June had ended and July had sprang up. It was hot and perfect weather for you to lounge in and pretend you were at the lake. He was going to suprise you with it later today after he had finished work.

With a groan he pulled his arms off your body that was latched onto his, and sat at the end of the bed. He was nervous for today but he knew it would disappear the second he picked up his axe and imagined it being all the boys and men that said crude things about you. He stood up, and began dressing, looking down at you with a soft smile. He would do anything for you and you didn't even know. He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and left you some breakfast to eat.

He headed to work and wore a smirk, thinking about the time he went into the town after rumours of you dating the grumpy giant were confirmed. How all the men looked disappointed that you were snatched up by the big bad man rather than them. He could have beaten them up for even imagining you as theirs yet he refrained and instead handed in your notice of quitting work. Ensuring you were completely devoted to him.

God when he got home that day he marked you like a feral caveman. And with those thoughts lingering in his mind he began chopping. All the while you had just awoken and headed downstairs finding breakfast already made. You couldn't help but smile as you felt butterflies errupt in your chest at the sweet gesture.

After cleaning you went for a nap and awoke an hour before Ari came home. You decided you would cook him something nice as a way to say thank you for the treat this morning.

You dressed in a dress that Ari had bought you, it was very short but so pretty. You floated around the house cleaning it wearing only your pretty dress because Ari made the rule that you didn't need to wear underwear in his house because you were his wife and wives didn't need to be so prudish around their husbands.

Ari parked his truck in the driveway and walked down the pathway leading to the house. He opened it and was hit with the smell of steak. He smiled and took his shoes off and headed towards the kitchen, practically floating on the fumes of food and his adoration for you.

He stood at the door was appreciating the view before him. There you were clad only in the dress Ari got you. It was so short he could see the underside of your ass sticking out of it. He watched you place the steak on his place with a happy hum. "This is a great surprise little baby, any reason why?"

You jumped and turned seeing Ari stood there with a lazy smirk on his face. You looked down and blushed as he began to walk to you. You looked up when you heard his heavy footsteps. He stood in front of you and placed his hands on your hips and pulled you closer somehow. Your feet were on top of his and your hips were pressed together. "What's the reason for this baby? Tell me." He feared you had found the hot tub before he could surprise you with it, yet his fears were quickly wiped clean with your sunshine voice.

You beamed at him, "It's for making me breakfast this morning, it was really sweet. I know you're always in a rush for work but it was lovely." He smiled and leaned down placing a gentle kiss on your lips. "Come on baby, let's eat this beautiful dinner you've cooked me."

You both sat down and began digging in, this time there was no silence as you began babbling to him about things you saw on the magazines which Ari got you. He smiled and you began pitching ideas about decorating the spare room into something and all Ari had on his mind in that moment was turning it into a nursery. And then he had his reward for the night. He was going to get you pregnant. He was going to build a family with you, so you couldn't escape.

After you had finished eating and washing the dishes, Ari spoke, "I have a surprise for you little wifey." You looked at him, excitement coursing through your veins. "What is it?" He smiled and took your small soft hand in his and led you outside to the back. You gasped seeing candles everywhere and a hot tub built in the middle with a beautiful view of the town and the woods.

You turned and tackled Ari into a hug. He smiled. "Come on baby, let's try it out." You giggled, "I need to get my swim suit." Ari grabbed your arm and pulled you to his side, whispering in a sultry tone. "You said you wanted to go skinny dipping, So you're gonna strip get in the tub with me." You blushed heavily and began slowly pulling the straps of your dress down before if all was pulled off.

You stood naked before Ari watching as his eyes hungrily devoured you. You flashed him a shy smile and got in the hot tub soon followed by a naked Ari. He turned the bubbles on and you smiled feeling relaxed. "Come here baby, sit on my lap like a good girl." You pushed through the water and straddled him. You immediately felt the tip of his hard cock brushing against your hole and just as you were about to slide against it. Ari pushed your hips down, impaling you on his fat cock.

You moaned and Ari hid his grunt in the crook of your neck, opting to bite into your neck leaving a huge mark. He pulled away and you arched your back as you began grinding. He lowered his face to your tits instantly taking a nipple into his mouth and slobbering all over your tits. He moved you up and down on his lap, pulling away from your tit as he watched your eyes roll into your head. You were already dumb over simply grinding on his cock, so he had to take charge and man handle you into riding his cock.

"Such a good girl. Gonna cum in you baby. I'm gonna stuff you with my kid so that we can turn that room into a nursery. Gonna carry the Levinson name." You whined and babbled at him, yet he ignored you. You laid your head against his broad shouder, drooling from how well his cock massaged you walls. He began fucking into you, and the angle that you were at allowed for you to grind you clit against his pubes. Each rub bringing you closer to heaven.

"Fuck yeah! My little wifey. You're gonna be stuffed forever. With my cock and my kids. I'll get you that fuckin' ring too. I'll get you whatever you want baby." He held you close as he felt you start to convulse, cumming around his cock. He groaned at how tight you are. "Dumb fuckin' whore. We're in public and you're cumming on my cock. Anyone could see you, and you know what I'd do princess? I'd fucking kill 'em. No one is allowed to see you cum but me. Cause you're fuckin' mine."

Your registered the kiss on your head and the gentle murmurs of Ari before you faded to sleep mumbling to him, "lub you awi." He chuckled and replied "I lub you too baby. So much" and with that you closed your eyes and rest consumed you.

You answered him with a babble and unconsciously began boucing your ass on his cock, and with that he came inside you with a grunt and a stuttered moan. Making sure his cock was all the way inside you and his balls were against your ass. You sighed and collapsed on his chest, drooling and dumb. He playing with you hair, holding you close and making sure that you stayed together so that you kept most of his cum in for as long as possible.

[wally-darling-hyperfixation]

Karaoke Night Wally x GN reader 400+ Follower Special

This is for all the people who follow me and up till now . I will get to the requests. I just wanna celebrate you

It was karaoke night over at Sally’s house. Sally has a stage so it makes it easier for y’all to karaoke together. Everyone was excitedly talking about their songs which they were going to sing. Well everyone but Wally. You wanted to go over and ask but Julie and Poppy were asking you , your opinion on a song they want to do as a duet. (You have a lot of records and a karaoke machine so you’re able to help). So everyone decided the order y’all would go in . Julie and Poppy, Barnaby, Eddie, Frank , Sally, Howdy, Wally, then it would be your turn. Everyone was so excited all smiles and everything.

So first up was Julie and Poppy. They sang together Respect. And everyone was excited and clapping at how fun they were having. At the end of the song everyone cheered and was wooing . You give them a thumbs up cause it was so good and they looked like they had so much fun. Barnaby was up next and of course he picked out a silly song. He sang the Monster Mash song, and you laughed cause it wasn’t even Halloween time. He was just singing and doing monster dance moves and everyone was laughing at him ,in a good way, just enjoying the night. After the last monster mash chorus, he bowed and got off stage with everyone cheering again. Next up was Eddie. He was red in the cheeks and mumbled that this song was for Frank. The song is called Stop in the Name of love. And he was so red in the face as he sang it looking lovingly at Frank the whole time. Oooooooo it made you so jealous and so happy for them. Who wouldn’t want a love like that. You’ve seen them hold hands on strolls through the neighbor hood and wish one day you have a relationship like theirs. After Eddie finished , he got off and gave Frank a kiss on the cheek telling him it was his turn. Frank being the type of guy who is quite shy, went on the stage and sang the song Close to You. You know like the verse in it “Why do birds suddenly appear? Every time you are near. Just like me they long to be. Close to you.” It was so sweet. You could tell they loved each other very much. You were enjoying karaoke night so much. You didn’t even see the eyes of the puppet who is staring at you the whole time. When Frank finished. He blushes and got off the stage and head towards Eddie , who gave his face a bunch of kisses. So sweet. Only three more left and then it was your turn. Sally picked out Here Comes the Sun. It was so cute and matched her sunny personality. You loved the beatles. Y’all just having so much fun. After Sally was done, it was Howdy’s turn. He sang this song called Busy Bee. You never heard of it before but it sure fit him. It was about a busy bee who worked a lot. It was very Howdy though. So you clapped at the end. Next was Wally.

Wally got on the stage staring back at all of us. He didn’t even let people know what he seeing. He just picks up the mic and starts singing. (I got the lyrics so you can imagine him singing it). “You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

You'd be like Heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

At long last love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off you

[Verse 2]

Pardon the way that I stare

There's nothing else to compare

The sight of you leaves me weak

There are no words left to speak

But if you feel like I feel

Please let me know that it's real

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off you

[Chorus]

I love you, baby, and if it's quite alright

I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night

I love you, baby, trust in me when I say:

Oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray

Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay

And let me love you, baby, let me love you

[Verse 3]

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off you

You'd be like Heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

At long last love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off you

[Chorus]

I love you, baby, and if it's quite alright

I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night

I love you, baby, trust in me when I say:

Oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray

Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay

And let me love you, baby, let me love you

[Chorus]

I love you, baby, and if it's quite alright

I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night

I love you, baby, trust in me when I say:

Oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray

Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay

And let me love you, baby, let me love you”

He was staring at you the whole time as he sang. Your heart beat fast. You don’t really know if he likes you. But it felt like he was singing to you. And everyone else knew it was for you. Everyone knew from how much Wally stared at you. Yet you didn’t really notice until now. So y’all say. They can continue singing songs. You head over to Wally after he finished singing. “Yes neighbor , what can I do for you?” He asks smiling. “Um Wally , do you like me? That song seems to be for me . I feel like it was to me,” you blush feeling a bit silly. “Your right neighbor it was for you,” Wally says bluntly. “I like ya neighbor. I can’t take my eyes off you,” he smirks and kisses your hand smiling at you. You blushed and give him a cheek kiss. “ I like you to Wally. I honestly never thought you’d like me. You didn’t really show ,” you say blushing more . Everyone was watching from inside and cheered. You both finally admitted and may go forward with your feelings and how you feel now.

I hope I did alright. And that you like your 400+ special for my followers. Thank you alll . Please let me know what you think. I was really excited about this idea. I just wanna know if y’all liked it

Edit 1: I picked can’t take my eyes off you because it’s also a pun. He literally always staring at everyone. And everything. So I feel like it’s on par with him. Please comment if you like

[torrtimandi]

My first Justice show... July 11, 2024. Les Déferlantes, France.

That day didn't start so great. On my way to the festival I got stuck in a terrible traffic jam because of a truck fire. I spent more than an hour in the middle of the French highway in the hellish heat of the south, which obviously pissed me off. Here I am traveling to another country to see my favorite band for the first time ever and suddenly some damn accident is going to prevent it when I'm so close?! Well, obviously I was overreacting at that point, we still had plenty of time to get there, my friend reassured me it's gonna be okay but the doubt of getting close to the stage was pretty high, and that's what I'd counted for from the beginning. The front row.

Soon the traffic was moving again and we arrived at the festival about an hour before Justice. Another band was still playing and my friend and I started to smoothly sneak through the crowd to get closer to the stage. There were a lot of fans of this band, Sum 41, around us, which was a good sign that the crowd would thin out as soon as they finished playing. And that's exactly what happened. The show ended, a lot of people left and suddenly the dream of being in the front row became a very reality...

From then on, the excitement was off the charts. Everyone here can guess how fucking crazy I am about Justice, and my friend @/lesreptiles, who was with me, is as crazy as I am, if not more so. Of course we grinned, we laughed a lot, commented on every detail of the stage and screamed when we saw Gaspard's mop of curly hair behind the stage a few minutes before the show started.

But the real excitement and madness was just about to begin... As soon as the first notes of the intro played, we went into a trance. We screamed, we shouted, we sang, we danced, we jumped the hell out of it. Sometimes it feels like Gaspard and Xavier are barely visible because of all the lights, but the truth is that they see the crowd very well and they always judge their performance by the crowd's reaction, and that's what I kept in mind. I just wanted to show them how fucking much I love their show and their music, how deeply it's rooted in my heart that I was able to sing every fucking line, that I knew every single played note. And I like to think they liked the sight of it, because sometimes it seemed like Gaspard was staring right at me and my crazy friend, sometimes even smiling...

The very end was just as crazy as the show. Of course it was sad to see the guys already finish such a wonderful show that seemed to go by too fast, but at least they always make sure to say goodbye properly. As always, they walked to the front of the stage, waved hands, bowed and walked down to the crowd. At that moment I managed to touch Gaspard's soft hand... I also quickly took out my Hyperdrama CD, which I'd brought along just in case. I think Gaspard would've almost missed it, but one of the security guys actually pointed at me and so Gaspard turned to me again, took my album and pen and nonchalantly took off the cap of the pen with his fucking teeth right in front of me, holy fucking shit, oh jesus... And just signed it and handed it me back. I yelled merci, which I doubt he heard, and grinned and looked with disbelief at my friend, who also managed to snap a quick selfie with Gaspard. Then Xavier finally came to our part of the row and I successfully tried to get his signature as well. He came over, signed Hyperdrama and that was it. I was officially dead. Not only did I manage to get a signed album, I was actually the one who got their signatures and that's the most important and precious part, that's what I'll keep in my memory probably forever.

Then they just came back on stage, they hugged each other very nicely, Xavier pointed at Gaspard, they waved their hands and bowed some more and that was it. The real end... I'm not even sure if anyone will read all of this, this review is getting quite wordy at this point, but I just wanted to share all of my huge emotions and feelings that I'm so grateful to have experienced. Justice means a whole lot to me, my blog and my writing shows that a little bit, and it was my very first time seeing them. My first time in France, my first concert here, my first Ed Rec act show etc etc, just a lot of firsts that I'm sure I'll remember for a long time and I'm sure I'll grin just as much while remembering it as I did during the whole live show that was truly an amazing and mind-blowing feast, both visually and sonically.

Thank you for reading it and most of all thank you to my dear friend who accompanied me last night. Me coming here, seeing Justice and having a front row wouldn't have been possible without you. Truly the best concert buddy right there!

[duchessonfire]

Whatever AU you create I live for it, honestly I'm your biggest fan at this point. Feel free to expand! The abo, supernatural twist, the motherfucking reverse sugar that i did not expect 😂 what kinda dynamic do you envision? Are they overall similar to savior except for some key point or is the energy between cegan completely altered? What are the vibes 🤩

Also! What are you thought on Negan's evolution and can you add your twist as to where do you think Carl can fit in it

(ive never watched dead city and stopped twd years ago coincidentaly right after carl died i keep up a bit with spoilers so i got the gist of it. But from what i can see he's become a fundamentaly different person. Swagger still there but dialed down enough to make me sad 😔 wbu do you keep up? id be impressed if you did cause that's some damn comitmment.

Listen i've been trying to recreate your magic by combining ao3 tags lately but nothing seems to fit! Its the age difference, its the slow burn with what started as someone playing meanly and exerting their power on someone else only to be hit with the feelings 🫢, it's the top tier d/s subtext, its the jealousy and the two step forward one step back, its the smut tbh mostly the smut, simply put it's giving.

And absolutely no rush and dont feel obliged to answer but what kinda irl timeline are you predicting for part 3 and 4 and the neganpov? You've been churning out updates lately (22k high quality chapter within a month; we are spoiled god bless🫂).

I'm frothing at the mouth waiting for your next update. You sincerely bring me joy.

Hi again Cegan lovely! ✨

Thank you so much for this sweet message.

The dynamics of the other Cegan project I have planned will be very much similar to the Savior!Carl universe with Carl and Negan going from enemies to lovers. The only one that is truly different is the reverse sugar daddy AU where I'm going for a Carl that is super shy and vulnerable, really a gifted kid who has trouble connecting with people and who clings to his crush for his former PE teacher for dear life. I'm really excited about those projects even though I have no idea when I'll have time to write them 😅

I am still heavily involved in TWD universe and I have watched the main show until the end, as well as the Daryl Dixon, The Ones Who Live and the Dead City spinoffs. I was very unhappy with Negan's characterization in the last season of TWD but Dead City really brought a breath of fresh air and I'm excited to see what lies in store for Negan in season 2.

So funny thing, part 4 of the Savior!Carl universe will cover Rick's arrival and the war between the Saviors and the other communities, but because I want to stick closely to canon, part 5 will deal with the time Negan spends in the cell and the Whisperer War. So I have in fact plans for Carl and Negan's relationship even after Negan loses his empire. (I'm actually very excited about their new dynamics after that happens ❤️‍🔥 While Negan will go softer, Carl will become a lot harder and more ruthless so that will be pretty amazing to explore...).

I'm so happy that you enjoy the Savior!Carl AU 😍 If you're looking for more Cegan content, I recommend looking at my bookmarks. If you enter Carl Grimes or Negan Smith in the "other work tags to include" section, you will be able to see all my Cegan bookmarks. I especially recommend the fics by Gemjam: Wildflowers and Genesis, which are really the main inspiration behind the Savior!Carl universe, but in my bookmarks you will find loads more of amazing works by amazing writers! Happy reading 📖

So for the time-line, part 3 will finish this summer for sure, hopefully by beginning of July. I will post chapter 10 this week (hopefully today or tomorrow), and then it's only two more chapters to go. The time-line for 4 is a lot blurrier because I still have a lot of brainstorming to do. Same for part 5 and for the Negan's pov. Ideally, I would like the Negan's pov to post at the same time as part 5 because Carl will spend a lot of time away from Negan while he's in the cell, so posting Negan's pov at the same time would still giving readers a healthy amount of Cegan next to the plot of part 5.

Thank you again for such a lovely ask and I hope you have an amazing day 💐😘

[crownsofesha]

Top Post of Each Month of 2023

(I used tumblr top ten to find out which when the top post of each month)

January

Here

This was just a really simple post, in my old editing style as well, apart of a short series of portiture introducing the Holmes. Cousins of Anne through Jane. Not my favorite of the month, but still cute. Other parts of the month in general was just some story posts.

February

Here

I love this post a lot, it marks the beginning of a collab that will come out in the next arc. I thought it would have come out sooner, but I ride the waves of motivation. The picture itself was one of my favorites with that editing styles, and still is. February saw one of my favorite posts, featuring Jane and their kids (including Anne).

March

Here

And so begins my recent editing style. I love it so much. This post as well. And I was able to come out with the part two to this lookbook in this year, thats a win for me. The post itself really helped me establish more cultural things about the people of Esha and their connection to plants and colors. In March I made my first and probably only guide on Russian Titles and the first part of the "What Once Was, Will Never Be." The second part gets to come out wayyyy later.

April

Here

My first poll! (I'm pretty sure). I just love dressing Esther up, and wanted a little cinderella moment, but Hildegard really did look way better in the dress (as well as the color chosen for her). This month I only posted 5 seperare posts, and most of it was asks.

May

Here

An introduction of three Queens and a Grand Princess through out the history of Esha. (Including one for the future) I introduced a decent amount of future gens this month. I wish the mother's day post from this month got more traction than this. (It had my next two gens featured) I also did a couple of lookbooks.

June

Here

I finally had another story post this month and this post for some reason was the most popular of the month, and for the rest of the year until just recently. Its just a picture of a crown! I was so confused when I found out that it was my top post. Don't get me wrong I love the work and worldbuilding I put into the royal collection I made, but it just confuses me why it was so popular. I did a lot of worldbuilding in June.

July

Here

This was very fun to do! Also technically a worldbuilding thing for me in the fashion, but the portraits that came out of it are really pretty! I didn't have much going on for this blog during July.

August

Here

A lookbook of Arabella's outfits! This was very fun, it got me more interested into what They wear for royal outings and just in general. This month saw another story post (One of my favorites) and the start of the Six Queens storyline!

September

Here

This is an Au post where if Anne didn't marry George, Esther would have, for ...reasons :) The month saw the beginning of chapter two of the six queens story and just some of my favorite edits as well. Like some magazines I did for Esha.

October

Here

This was the beginning of a series of portraits I did for the modern royals of Catalia. October was also the start of Sima and I creating a second short story other than Six Queens, which will come out after Six Queens has finished. It also saw two of my favorite posts of the Six Queens short story and the end of Six Queens Chapter Two.

Novemeber

Here

One of my favorite posts of all time, and getting to feature some of my favorite historical sims that are now dead in the present. The month itself was mostly just portraits and answering asks.

Decemember

Here

The post that beat the crown! I was so happy with how this came out. This involed more worldbuilding for the country of Chelyabinsk, and me wishing for more Kokoshnik cc. This portrait was used for Tsarina Sofiya's wikipedia post, which I accidently forgot to add her death date, which I will add at a later date and publish again with other wikipedia articles. I want to add more just to hers. The rest of this month was more portraits and a chanukkah post that I planned on having more to it, which I do plan on posting for when its chanukkah in universe (insert crying emoji here) and I got to 200 followers, which was very exciting!

I can't wait to see what happens in the next year for this blog. I have a lot going on in TBS and I can't wait to publish it all. Happy New Years!

[anima-nostrae]

can you post a teeny tiny snippet of the next chapter pretty please

I feel extremely grateful that someone would want to read something I'm writing while also going down to my Tumblr to ask for a prevew.

Like, wow. Honestly.

But first I would want to inform about the state of the fic. Of course I will finish it (it's not long, therefore there shouldn't be a problem). Alas, I have a problem of another source: my academic validation (lol).

But honestly, I am currently nearing the end of my first year of my graduate programme, and it is literal hell. I have, as of the current count, nine exams and six written assignments. I do not have the time to write, at least until the end of June (and then again July is the month where I have to go to an archaeological dig, as my programme dictates, where I also do not have a lot of me time).

I will try to write, I'm going for a 1k word count per week, which is a low goal even for my standards. I will see this fic finished goddammit!

Some good news at the end: Chapter two is nearly finished. I have written 3,5k words already, and have 2,5 pages of my dialogues outlined until the end of it, so probably 1-1,5k words till the end. About a week or two till I finish, but I'm not promising. I also want to point out that the snippet is, as of right now still not polished, it's the raw version that I've just written without overthinking it much, so it can differ slightly from the published version, however many weeks from now it will be seen.

But here it goes:

“This shouldn’t have happened.”

His lips stilled at once. “No?”

“Can you stop answering in questions? It’s infuriating,” she felt the mattress behind her bend under the weight of a lounging body. Bloom’s face was hidden in her hands. What is happening? Why does she feel so miserable? Why is Valtor not fighting her?

His touch found a way to her again, his palm on her bare back, surely meant as a comforting gesture which she struck away. Then she put on his shirt, buttoned it in haste, clumsily. 

But she couldn’t go anywhere, could she? Valtor was right, in the end. This was the only room. The only bed. She could freeze to death. What was she doing? 

She slept with Valtor.

“Valtor, I can’t, I just can't,” she cried. “This is not a thing I am able to do, do you understand?” 

She was met with only an irritated huff and the gust of wind that irritated her skin with its breezy breath when he stood up. 

That was it then, the avalanche she created.

“Valtor?” she turned around, “Valtor please…”

“When did you grow so soft, love? Where are the tears coming from?” Valtor asked. He was dressing, quickly, and both his fingers and voice were getting more erratic. “Once again, I am left wondering where I lost the woman I fought on Andros. Did time whittle you away from me? Your spite transformed into this bitterness… It doesn’t suit you. Lose it.”

Those words did not make her calm or reassured. And, despite his earlier claims he neither wanted her sad nor angry precisely because of the precariousness of their situation, he put her in that exact state. But Bloom couldn’t put even a word in, when he started.

“Bloom, love… ‘I can’t do this, I am not able to do this…’ But you did already, so clearly the ability is there,” he talked and talked, his eyes burning with something close to pure hatred, or elation, or something not entirely akin to either but clearly connected. “We were here together, whether you like it or not.”

“Valtor…” she started with a wary tone. Bloom didn’t even know why the truth he laid so succinctly before her outraged her so… touchingly. To her core. 

 “Oh, but you liked it, didn’t you?” Valtor came up, almost crawled over to her on the bed - the one they just shared—

“Excuse me?” She whispered, the tone she wanted stuck in her throat. 

“To think of it, you loved it,” Valtor whispered against her cheek, holding her chin in his fingers. He was exhausting as much as he was enchanting. This close, these lips. His lips. God, she was growing more delirious with every sentence. 

“You said so yourself, darling. Maybe just in another verbiage, maybe… But then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if you weren’t aware of your words at the time—”

Her hand met his face quickly, at first Valtor didn’t even register it. But then, as his smile was slowly vanishing and the realisation was downing on her, she was sure her point was felt, just as much as the burn in the skin of her palm.

After the swiftest moment of stillness and anticipation, both of Bloom’s hands were seized and pressed to her torso as he smashed his lips against hers. 

And it was a ferocious kiss, one she wasn’t yet familiar with, but despite that she pushed back with equal force. She couldn’t help it, all those years she borderline trained herself to fight him just as viciously as he fought her. And what else was this, than just another battle? Just on a different ground.

Valtor pulled away moments after.

“Don’t you ever—” he panted right into her face, just as she did, their breaths becoming one again, his finger pressed against her lips lightly and intimately, “—ever do this again because I decided to say the truth out loud. You may if I lie - if I ever lie to you - but hitting me because I said something you’re ashamed of is a little below the both of us, don’t you think?”

The familiar ‘we’ again. The ‘us’ of it all made Bloom a little nauseous, just as the realisation that Valtor was in fact, right.

And that, whether she liked it or not, there was a “them” in this world. From this night forward, until the dragon flame would be extinguished. 

[freedomfireflies]

this is about to be really long, just a warning—

update on the film i’m making with my friend (if that’s ringing a bell, i can’t remember how much i’ve mentioned this to you): we finished our july shoots yesterday and wrapped for a couple of our actors and it’s been amazing in the sense that the performances are great and the shots are looking awesome. however, our assistant director has apparently taken a liking to me, and while he’s very professional about his position and clearly knows what he’s doing which i greatly admire, i’m very much not interested. the first day the flirting wasn’t too egregious and i was able to laugh it off, but yesterday was almost unbearable for me. he would follow me on my heels everywhere i would go, come up behind me during takes and just breathe down my neck, and always move to sit next to me. i started testing it by moving around the room between takes to see if he would randomly follow—he always would. as the scripty for the film, it’s my job to be taking notes on pretty much everything happening during takes (timestamps, lenses, camera angles, line deviations, performance notes, shot types, etc.) by the time we were breaking for lunch, my hands were shaking so badly i couldn’t type. i felt like i was gonna suffocate. why do men do this again and again and again? completely tarnish valuable experiences for women because they think they’re entitled to their personal space? he wouldn’t stop talking at me, repeating back what i would say as if he’d just had the idea himself and was gracious enough to explain it to me. he would stare at me across the room, always. glance down at my chest every single time we would talk. our final shoots are in august and i’m not sure what to do. this is my film, a project i adore, and i refuse to let him take it away from me. but i just don’t know if i can stomach him again. i already feel like such an imposter on set—must i also feel like a piece of meat? i guess so.

i’m sorry for the totally downer message, and i certainly don’t expect you to come up with any solutions here, haha. i just wanted to share this. i feel pretty alone with this these days. thank you for reading if you do <3

My love ♥️

First of all, I'm so insanely sorry you're having to go through this, especially in a place that's supposed to be a safe environment for you and everyone else!

Is there any way you can either have him fired/removed from set/made to stay away from you (like opposite end of the property) OR is there anyone else you can talk to about this so they can make sure he doesn't get close?

You should never be made to feel like an object EVER. End of. And to disrespect you so publicly (and at all) is so far over the line, you can't even see the line anymore. If anything, it's inappropriate workplace behavior, and can be dealt with as such!

I know he might be in an important position for the film, but truly, it shouldn't matter. Assistant director or not, he's making somebody on set feel uncomfortable and deserves to be dealt with and punished. I know it's not an easy conversation to have, but please let me know if you have anybody to talk to about this so at least somebody else can be there with you so you aren't alone with him.

I'm so proud of you all for finishing and I'm so excited to hear about how it all goes! This is amazing work and I'm truly so impressed and inspired by you! And I hope this man doesn't get even a second of your joy and pride in your amazing work! And again, I'm so sorry this is something you're having to deal with. I know apologies don't help, but it makes me so upset to hear, and I'm sending you the biggest hug in the world ♥️

Please know you can message me any time (about this or anything!) and I will absolutely be here to talk or help you feel a little less alone! Especially if you end up seeing him again and want an escape!

I hope you're all right and taking care of yourself! You deserve to feel safe and respected everywhere and I hope you feel that way again so soon!

[invisibleraven]

Compliments! "You're just so talented!" + Sweet Tarts?

Carrie preened in front of the mirror, smoothing put her performance dress. She knew her song and dance backwards and forwards, so all she could really control was how she looked. Which was amazing, if she said so herself.

“You ready Carrie?” her accompanist asked. Reggie had come highly recommend by her friend Julie, since Julie herself wasn’t able to play for her. They had gone through her numbers numerous times, so she knew he was more than competent. She just wanted this part to be over.

"Ready as I'll ever be," she replied, plastering her show smile on her face and walking out to the stage, head held high.

She goes through the motions of the audition, giving it her all, but she's so in the zone that before she knows it the judges are giving her kind smiles and promising to be in touch.

"Great job Carrie!" Reggie says, offering her a friendly hug, which she graciously accepts. They hadn't exactly become friends over the past few weeks, but Reggie was a genuinely nice guy and his playing elevated her performance more than a recording would have.

"Thanks. Listen, you've been so great with helping me-could I thank you with some lunch?" Carrie offered. "Or even just a coffee?"

"Umm, I actually have my own audition next, so after that?" Reggie said shyly.

Carrie was a little gobsmacked, watching Reggie walk out on the stage and introduce himself, picking up a shiny red bass to do a song he had written himself. She didn't even know he could play another instrument aside from piano! And he had devoted so much time to help her, he couldn't have spared some for himself?

Carrie's admiration of him grew exponentially, especially when he started to play. The song was a sweet love ballad with a punk edge, and some country sensibilities. She knew she'd be humming it later that day for sure. She was also sure she applauded louder than the judges when Reggie finished, but when he turned and smiled at her, the pink of his cheeks making him glow, she knew he appreciated it.

"Reggie!" she cried as they exited the auditorium. "You didn't tell me you could.... wow!"

"Shucks, thanks," Reggie replied, running his fingers through his hair. "Honestly bass is my primary instrument, I only really do the piano for school since there's no real guitar and bass centred course."

"I'm jealous," Carrie remarked. "I can't play any instruments and here you are shredding on two."

"More like four," Reggie mumbled, blushing bright.

"Four?"

"Piano, bass, banjo, and I'm pretty decent on acoustic guitar," Reggie admitted. "I'd like to learn fiddle too, since Julie started learning it and is loving it."

"You're just so talented!" Carrie exclaimed, then sobered. "I feel so... less compared to you. You'll definitely get the spot."

"Hey no," Reggie said, taking her hands into his. "Your song blew me away, and your dancing is top notch. I could never move like that. The spot is totally yours."

"Well thank you," Carrie replied, not pulling her hands away. "So to celebrate us both being uber talented and totally getting in, how about that lunch I promised you?"

"Sounds like a perfect first date," Reggie replied with a grin. "Since we're totally going to be the power couple at that school."

Carrie snorted, swinging their hands between them. "We'll see."

But in the end? Reggie was right, and Carrie was thankful every day for her super talented boyfriend.

Especially because when they were together? They made the sweetest music-in every sense of the word.

[hajimeshoe]

found out about the Egyptian zodiac

As it would turn out, mine is Bastet.

I'm requesting Savanaclaw when they get a Bastet-like!s/o.

Lioness of course

Back to my Rick Riordan phase 😅 Well, this is gonna be fun. Also, was not too sure if you meant acting like Bastet the goddess or a Bastet zodiac, so I sort of did a mix? Hope that's okay Apparently my Egyptian Zodiac is Isis? I had fun googling that. This also ended up as Fem!Reader - oops

Savanaclaw with a Bastet!S/O

Leona (July 27th: Bastet)

It's cannon that he's intimidated by women from the afterglow savanna

He doesn't show it, however. He'll do his best to hide the fact that he's intimidated by lazing around, avoiding eye-contact, and keeping a tight mask up.

The only you're getting close to him is by forcing your way into his life and refusing to leave.

Once you two are dating, if you nap with him, he’s a happy lion

You're smart and a good hunter, not to mention you're strong

In his culture, women are highly respected - Leona won't do anything to make you cry (chances are you'll beat his ass if he does anyways)

He is well aware you don't need him - if anything, he's the one who needs you. You don't need protection or gifts - buuuuut too bad

If you're in the same year as him, he's more motivated to pass his classes and finish school so he can stay by your side. If you're a year or two below him? Well then, he has time.

Amused by your swinging morals. Morally grey, just like him? Perfect. It means he's not getting chastised.

Like Leona, you like to surround yourself to things that are pleasing to you and prefer to avoid people and crowds. This means nap times in your favourite spots, and him having Ruggie bring you two snacks and drinks.

Ruggie (April 18th: Thoth)

He's intimidated by you and show's it more than Leona

Ruggie enjoys your plans if you help him pull pranks

You have a charming personality which made it hard for him to trust you at first...although you didn't trust him either.

But it got better once you two got to know eachother

Now, alongside Leona, you're one of the few people he trusts

Like Leona, he also enjoys that you're morally grey - ping-ponging between good and bad tendencies.

It means you won't care too much when he steals, right?

You're an introvert? Ehh, that's alright. He can get you things to make sure you don't have to interact with people - for a price~

He likes when you're clingy or possessive. It makes him feel good.

Jack (October 11th: Bastet)

Jack admires you, at first

You're protective of those you care about and you're brave - two things he values

Soon, you two grow close and are pretty much always together. He's never been to the Sunset Savanna, so he hasn't been around lion or lioness beastmen often.

I can see him being the only one to get irritated with your tendency to swing between good and bad behaviours. He has a strong moral code, after all.

He will try to help you with self-improvement (of course, as is with Tsundere's, he'll come up with a different excuse).

He doesn't try to make you go into crowded spaces if you don't want to, although he will try to help you overcome your introvertedness. (completely ignoring the fact he's an introvert too).

All (Things that apply to all boys - you can read with whichever in mind)

If you don't trust someone, he doesn't either - he's noticed how you're normally right about people's intentions and he trusts your judgement

Also, will stop people from trying to take advantage of you by playing on your more sensitive/emotional side - he does not give a damn

If you want to go into a career relating to the occult he'll support you, as he would with an other career

Don't expect to be able to neglect yourself - he's putting a stop to any of that bullshit the second it starts

[bratzforchris]

was it hard to get accepted into the school ur going to right now? i start the application process for college in the fall and i’m soooo scared cuz i hate rejection 😭

i'm sure you'll be fine, my love!! the universe always knows what's best for you<3

(for context before i get into the post: i just finished my sophomore year of college and i'll be transferring to another college in the fall)

i'll be totally honest with you, i don't know a whole lot about the college admissions process. i underwent some pretty major trauma my junior and senior year and actually didn't end up applying to the college i just finished at until july and started in august (they had rolling admissions). however, this school was about a 95% acceptance rate and was quite literally my only option since all schools had passed the deadline and didn't think i would able to make it to college.

i decided to transfer this year to a better school and applied in the fall! i got in :)) (41% acceptance rate). whatever happens, remind yourself that the universe has a plan <3

[pbandjesse]

Happy May Day!

I am glad I stayed home today. I still wasn't feeling amazing. But I was able to enjoy my day. Even if I was still nauseous.

I slept alright enough. The new curtain next to my head blocks the light a lot better and while I still woke up, I was able to more easily fall back asleep. I was awake enough to be aware of James saying goodbye. And went back to sleep for an hour.

When I woke up I was a little off. But mostly I was good. I cleaned my face and got dressed. And would just wander around the house for a long time. I spent some time just cleaning up. Putting things away. I tried to vacuum but our vacuum keeps thinking it's jammed. No idea what is up with that. I would change the kitty litter though and Clorox some stuff.

I would spend time with sweetP. Just hanging out. I had egg salad on toast. I would go out to the car to get the last of my car chips. It was beautiful outside but a little hot directly in the sun.

I started working on a little painting project. Sat on the front door step and started laying out the hearts I wanted to paint on the door. The sun was a bit to bright but I have the outlines done. I'll go back in with paint soon.

I came back inside and would hang some stuff in our room. James was going to hang the last panel of wallpaper tonight so that was exciting. The bedroom walls could finally basically be finished. And I am really happy about that. I still would like to get a small rug for the floor but everything else feels really finished and that feels really nice.

We are having our little house warming this weekend and so I want the space to at least have some areas done. And I think we have done a pretty excellent job overall. Like there are still projects for sure but it's coming together and that feels really good.

I spent a long time today working on cleaning out the one fish tank. I might be getting a frog for in there. Haven't 100% decided but I moved out all of the decor and washed the rocks. Took a while but it wasn't to bad. Was nice to try it all clean.

I would answer some work emails. And lay in bed. Lay on the couch. Lay around. I didn't feel amazing. And whenever I tried to do to much I felt sick. But I kept drinking water and trying my best to be okay.

I remembered that the new labor exhibit was opening at the museum tonight. I very much wanted to go to that and me and James decided I would just meet them there. Felt like a good plan.

I had a phone meeting today with Salvatore from the national guard and it went really well. He seems really sweet. Retired military, daughter in the girl scouts, loves working with the kids. They want to get me in the schedule for sometime in July and then again in the fall. Excellent. I love working with the national guard kids so I really hope we can continue this going forward.

After my phone meeting I would catch up on April's knitting. I still need to sew down thr edges but the last 11 days I was missing is done. And I can start May. That took a while though. I had put the little screen in the studio window so Sweetp could have somewhere to sit and watch the world and I would knit and listen to a video. It was nice. I was having fun.

I made a little microwave pizza as a late lunch. And got myself ready to go to the museum. But that would not be my only stop.

My first stop was Petco. I wanted to look at their frogs and things. This Petco never has a very good selection but it was still fun to look. And I enjoyed seeing different options. I may chose to get a tomato frog? I really would like a turtle but I don't have the infrastructure (or a large enough tank) right now. But maybe that is where I will end up. I'm not in any rush.

I went to the museum next. And was very excited to see Jessica because she just announced today that she's pregnant with baby number 2!! So excited for her. It was also just really nice to see everyone else.

After giving James many hugs I went to go get a drink and ran into Margaret. Who asked if we could talk on the phone tomorrow because there has been discussion about brining me on part time to help run events. This is an amazing opportunity for me. It would be flexible hours, a pay increase, and I would get to be doing something I really enjoy! And as my grant position at camp comes to an end this would just be really great. A next step, somewhere I already love.

I would also go and find Jesse to talk to him so I wasn't going into the conversation with Margaret blind. He gave me some ideas of what to negotiate for, when I could actually start (immediately), and how Meril would also be in on this. And honestly the three of us would be such an amazing dream team the museum wouldn't know what hit it. I really hope this works out.

I really also just enjoyed talking to people. About our trip. And seeing the new exhibit! Which I think was done so well. I already know a lot about union history, but seeing more contemporary and Baltimore specific stuff was awesome. And the layout and design choices were great. I really enjoyed it.

I would hang out at the desk with James. I got some food and would watch the desk while James got some too. And it was just good. People watching. Chatting with friends and guests. It was a good night.

I was excited to come home though. A little later then I had thought but that's okay.

When we got home I would go and change. I watched my frog tank for a while and actually saw my loach. No omelet sightings today but I did see him yesterday. I also moved the very hearty snail from the other tank to this tank and I hope he's as strong in here as he has been in the other.

James is in our room hanging the last piece of wallpaper. It wasnt going super well and I left the room because I thought I wasn't being helpful just sitting there writing this. But I am going to go check on them now before I take a shower and we get ready for bed. It has been a long day. But I am feeling a little better. Still not great but not as perilously bad.

Tomorrow I have a feild trip and it's the brave bee program. I really like that one. And then I have my phone meeting with Margaret. And me and Celia just made plans to go to the Dutch market after work. I am looking forward to the day. I hope the heat is t to bad and I'm not nauseous anymore.

Wish me luck and good vibes. I love you all. Goodnight!

[d--dandelions]

tagged by @chaos-monkeyy and @cordeliaperry for what i didn't initially realise were two separate ask memes 😂 thank you 💛

i'm gonna merge them both into one big list so this is going to be enormous, sorry in advance 😂🙈🙈 edit: it's horrifyingly big, i had to hide it behind the cut for everyone's good

1. when did you post your first ever fanfic?

july of 2020

2. first character you wrote for:

jaskier XD who i have since written. lots. for. 🙈

3. main character(s) you’re currently writing for:

i feel very unequipped to answer this one XD

4. character(s) you haven’t written about before but plan on writing about soon:

....same with this one XD i have a couple of thronebreaker wips and haven't written for that before so let's go with that

5. fandom(s) you’re currently writing for:

picture me looking awkwardly between my quiet ao3 and my tangled jungle of google docs in bafflement

6. platonic pairing(s) you currently write for:

i simply Have Not done that XDD 🙈 i don't tend to read/watch a lot of romance-heavy stuff outside of fanfic and so fic is basically my one outrageously sappy outlet and i take full advantage of that

7. romantic pairing(s) you currently write for:

...see previous fandom question 🙈

8. your top 3 tags on AO3 (if you post your works on AO3):

watersports

omorashi

wetting

can we all just pretend we're shocked? XD

9. your current platform where you post your works

'tis i

10. snippet of the wip you’re currently working on:

oh no, the thing i'm bad at 🙈 have a unpolished bit of radskier from right at the beginning of that free-use fic

He felt loose and liquid. Something in the wine, maybe. Or, more likely, in the time spent beforehand, with Radovid laying him down on the cushioned table and readying him. Loops of soft rope, wrapped to display rather than confine and, finally, a band of thin leather wrapped around the base of his cock, enchanted so his own pleasure didn’t get the better of him too early.

meme the second:

How many works do you have on AO3?

i've got 15

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

47,634

3. What fandoms do you write for?

so far i've only written for the witcher and sga but who knows what the future holds 👀

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

poached, reunion, got you on my mind, hold that thought, distractions

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

oh absolutely every time!! putting fic out there is vulnerable and terrifying and it means the world to me when someone takes the time to comment 💛 and, having been on the other side of it, i know how nerve-racking it can be to leave a comment 🙈 so even if it takes me ages, i like to say something back and let them know they're appreciated

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh god XD maybe this one? i'm a sappy fuck

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

....pretty much all the others XDD due to aforementioned sappy fuckiness

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i don't think so, at least, no one's ever put any where i could see it. i think i tend to fly pretty under the radar in fandom spaces and i normally stay in my nice damp niche

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

fuck yeah 😏😏 although i often lean more into kink than outright smut 🤔 it's all horny shit, which is what counts XD

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i haven't yet!! maybe someday, although i think i lean more fusion than crossover (disclaimer: i have written neither XD)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as i know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

that's another no

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i have not, i'm not sure i'd be any good at that XD

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i have never and could never be able to choose 🙈

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

hmmm, i try to leave my options open and never fully count out a fic 🤔 but there's more than one i kind of lost confidence in and am now too scared to open the google doc for 🙈 sigh

16. What are your writing strengths?

i don't think i can answer that

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i sort of mentioned this before but i think a lack of confidence? sometimes, often, i talk myself out of a fic before i've really given it a try, or i get too bogged down in self-doubt and end up struggling to get any of the actual writing done. double sigh

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

hmm, it's never really come up for me. i would say, unless it's a fictional language or a super common, easily translatable phrase i'd probably avoid outright writing in another language unless i could check it with a native speaker. just in case 🙈

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the witcher <3

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i think i'm a little biased towards my first published fic? just because it was huge for me to finish and post something and i'm still amazed i pulled it off XD🙈🙈

[kyouka-supremacy]

I admire your dedication to organising and setting a new theme every month lol. How long do these usually take to plan and edit?

Thank you so much, it makes me so happy to hear you like them!! <333 In regards to the time I spend on them, I suppose it depends (but is generally too much lmao). Taking last year's batch as reference, I think the one I spent most time on is the November arcade one (which took several days to make), while the one that I fixed in less time was the June one, which apparently only took 32 minutes? (That's a record). I feel like it really varies, but usually it's no less than three hours, usually twice the time / multiple days on animated ones.

(The July Dead Apple one is an outliner– I spent more than twelve hours on it, but that's because I'm insane and filled the empty spaces with cut pieces of texture instead of painting over it with brush, which took an eternity to do (I also cleaned Chuuya and Dazai, to be fair). Honestly, my editing process in general would be much quicker for more or less the same result if only I didn't always make the most perfectionist and time consuming choices possible)

As of planning, I have a folder with themes I plan to make– it's no more than a group of pictures / panels that I saw and thought a nice theme could come out of. Around April last year, i realized I had gathered pictures to fill every remaining month of the year, so I just numbered them in my phone notes pfftt. Pictures-wise, I effectively stuck to all the ones I had set that time, but the final result post editing often came out different than what I had initially imagined (let's take the August one, for example: that was supposed to be the Akutagawa family photo alone, and not much else). This year I ended up experimenting a lot with animation, and I must admit the results were very satisfying (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡

I'm not sure I'll be able to keep going this year too; not for lack of will, but I feel like I'm just running out of pictures that give me editing inspiration ahah. Checking out the themes folder, there's six images I'd like to use (plus one already finished theme I've been dragging along for one year lmao); honestly, they all look pretty underwhelming right now, but I suppose they all do before I actually start editing them. We'll see how it goes. As I always say, when the day comes that I've finally ran out of inspiration, I'll just pick a nice ss/kk panel and stick to it (๑˃‌ᴗ˂‌)

Thank you again for your support!! And for allowing me to ramble about the process, I never get to do that ahah. Here's the process video of the Atsushi June header, one of my favourites from last year!!!

[cydie]

services australia vent

[[MORE]]

i'm on a benefits payment that allows me to study full time

throughout the past few years, my record has probably passed through tonnes of people and when something like that happens - where one job is passed through multiple people, it's not always done to the right standard

services aus has made plenty of life altering mistakes that have cost me hours of my time to chase up

these are benefits that keep me alive, and dealing with it has been more than stressful

over the past several years, i have struggled with abusive relationships, psychological damage, and heavy mental health issues

because of these, it has stopped me from studying many many times and i have struggled so much to finish my degree

in light of recent events spanning from july 2022 to now, my life has been on an up and down spiral, mostly down

and the way i feel about my life right now is very much sincerely complete despair and dread

i think about suicide every second day

when i cross the road i think i could be selfish, ruin someone else's life and end mine and i would be done. finally

my heart and soul has taken so so many hits over the past couple of years that i am so fragile and i'm not who i used to be anymore

i care too much, give too much, get scared too easily, and i have nobody

i'm trying so hard to live the healthy girl life but my house is a MESS

it's just clutter in boxes

and maybe that's a psychological clue to say that i need to overcome whatever is going on in my head so that i can find the motivation to overcome what is going on in front of me

they think i have adhd. maybe i do. but maybe its just trauma.

will the psych be able to tell?

i always present to psychology whenever i have trauma or when i'm in a rough spot, but never when i'm good. so my diagnosis has always been a reflection of me when i'm not me

but whenever i talk about me, i feel like an imposter, like i won't be believed

i'm not lying, but one of the worst feelings is when you know you're telling the truth but nobody will believe you

and so you feel hopeless because you're like "how tf do i prove this?? i wasn't lying to begin with so its not like i was prepared to prove it???"

anyway i digress cos holy shit this wasn't supposed to be a giant tangent on how my life is shit

anyway

i called services australia today

and thanks to my myriad of medical certificates, withdrawn study periods and the length of my study, my record is a hot mess

i was on the phone for half an hour trying to figure out my benefits payment issues

the lady i spoke to on the phone was kinda defensive in the beginning which to be fair, she probably deals with a lot of arguing but she went through my record and maybe she realised that i was getting stressed

and that my record is like 50 medical certificates and a lot of people have touched my record and changed things that haven't been my fault

she said she would look at all of my medical certificates, and match them up to the correct dates

and reassess my allowable time for study tonight

and call me tomorrow

and the fact that she was willing to do this for me i was touched

but when she said "i wouldn't be worried about this, bc i'm pretty confident about this. i just need to make sure everything is there and matched up, and if this ever comes up again, they're all in one spot."

"i just want you to breathe, i promise it sounds a lot more overwhelming than it is. i just think there's a lot of people that have been on your record and done things, i think it would be easier if i just redid it all so it's one person's work on there instead of a bunch of different people"

i'm sobbing

"try and relax tonight, try not to think about it, i promise it sounds more overwhelming than it is"

it is so relieving to be seen and to be treated with kindness