#problem for future me B)

[heathcliffgirl1847]

okay REAL funny guys

[obsob]

17,000 followers!!! thats so many people!!! im lining u all up in height order and kissing each of u on the head. mwah. mwah. mwah. mwah. mwah. mwah. mwah. mwah. mwa

[g1ngerbeer]

its still october 3 somewhere right

[ria-starstruck]

wip hornet parry for the animatic i've been working on!

hk gjinka designs from + inspired by @/foileadeux's gjinkas!!

[blackmoldmp3]

started planning things and went hm. am i hypomanic

[balkanballad]

I think hearing Lane Moje live would heal me (parts of me)

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

.

[quietwingsinthesky]

Leaving the safety of Sam tumblr and seeing the worst takes possible is sooooooo… just…

(Dean Stan on TikTok called the Sam and dean fight about Amy in 7.06 dean “finally standing up for himself”)

That’s so funny.

Bro, he killed a lady. And then lied about it.

Like, there’s a lot of times where I’ll go, fine, Dean’s being morally ambiguous and he thinks he’s making the right call, sure, sure. This was not one of those times.

(Secret good spn in my head where this and the Benny situation combine in Sam’s mind in such a way that once Jack comes around, that why he becomes so invested in Dean seeing Jack as family. Because he knows that if he doesn’t? If all he can offer is that he would spare Jack, that he thinks Jack isn’t a monster? Dean has disregarded that before. But if Dean can come to that conclusion on his own, strip the title of monster away because he’s become personally invested, that might protect Jack.)

[horrorwebs]

i left her house and party without telling her how i feel or attempting to make a move i feel like the stupidest motherfucker alive

[unproduciblesmackdown]

spinning off of "winston being fantastically (literally fantastical (literally related to fantasy)) clairvoyant (he is also figuratively clear-sighted / figuratively preternaturally perceptive just like, in the show. which is where this all comes from. plus him calling himself cassandra, always seeing the future. he really has always / continued to be thusly) and taylor literally has a broadsword" type fun and games that are very loosey goosey b/c billions aus go spinning off into their own separate dimensions super easily when billions canon is so rooted in its specific Stage Settings of modern day US law n finance battles in the office, sidewalks, and eateries:

the thought of winston & tuk and winston gets to be a fairy. jokes, please. changelings are right there with the common theory of "was this to explain disabilities & go 'something could go Wrong and the baby's not a Person and get rid of that,' unlike nowadays where people do that but go 'b/c that baby's disabled'" and also one goes Thinking Emoji about how apparently New Mothers and New Brides were susceptible along with New Borns to become swapped out with a fairy and now something's wrong with them and get rid of that. had to be about Something given that people apparently did act on changeling lore and martin luther is taking a stance like yeah another thesis, it's important to kill them And okay to kill them b/c they don't even have a soul anyways. okay thanks martin luther....meanwhile also witchcraft and getting after anybody for that too. and fairies generally as Problems, the etymology going back to [fate], the range like "ooh hehe causing funny little inconveniences just because" to more so "yeah they could cause life-threatening illness for that" and "yeah they'll just kill you"....and i think fairy/fey as respective noun/adj re: being gay is of Unknown Origin, like "gay" also is. and you never know, if being fey is like, well something's not right and it's dangerous, whether this is the inspiration....though by the time this slang starts turning up, and even in the time of prior possible origins / the roots in other usages / potential inspirations, theoretical actual fairies are surely becoming more Fanciful, this being around like, the 18th century, rather than "here's martin luther telling you to immolate! that! baby!"

but that like, you can have it all ways out here. the Always Small fairies i think being a later kind of victorian deal, rather than "fairies are shapeshifters & can become animals e.g. & May have a 'tiny little inches or millimeters high mode' but that's just a mode & the fact that generally though they just look like people, maybe with some stylistic variations and tells, means watch out" and i think wings came up ever, across yknow the various centuries and regions of folklore out here lmao and possible origins / influences yet further across time & regions & cultures, but again "always small and always winged" being a very relatively modern victorian deal. but we can draw on that to be sure when, additionally, a Potential mutual [would prefer to avoid] between fairies and humans (as opposed to "if your house or some shit is on a fairy path bestie just build them another door to walk straight through cuz they're Gonna") becomes "no, fairies mostly avoid humans more than the other way around" type of imbalance of any threat means like, well hey sure, the Real Self could then become a tiny little magical guy having fun with wing designs who is shy and elusive but maybe another fun little guy can accidentally become aware but then have a secret little hidden friendship hmm....

but then also just thinking of the version where you just look exactly like everyone else and live amongst them, changeling style. and potentially don't Know you're different, or at least not Why, b/c this is a "from birth" thing like hmmm ya don't say. and the whole thread where in some folklore fairies Aren't nonhuman, the difference is only about the separate fairy Realm you live in, which is different, with like "yeah sometimes fairies come from people who died." and alongside / overlapping with everything like "yeah you could disappear for a few days to that realm and then be like 'don't wanna / can't talk about it'" and whatever all various like "watch out for the liminal and unknowingly wandering or being taken into the fairy world and Then watch out for communing with them b/c then you could be Permanently affected, or permanently continually affected or vulnerable, or just stuck there. and we wouldn't want that" like well don't let them know your name but maybe try to find out their names b/c you can get at them in turn that way, don't get in on any food, don't get in on any parties. though variations, sometimes people getting whisked away for particular tasks that apparently Only humans can do. or forever potential for helpful / sympathetic fairy interventions in life. like fairies raising humans b/c their human parents were awful

also, that some classic Tests for "is your baby a changeling?" were very like, "well i guess if we drowned or burned that person and they just died about it....our bad," in the way that like apparently the way to go could be "put them in the fire. where they'll either burn or fly out the chimney." or "start going tf beating them with objects. so that they go away" like and they never stop beating winston with hammers out here!! or the classic "idk abandon them in the forest so fairies can take them back" like well they do also like [i prefer to pretend winston doesn't exist / forget that he does] lmao. this isn't really related. just the ol "ballpeen hammers kind of goated when it comes to putting someone in a sack and beating them to death" factor out here for your local changelings

also sure thinking of like ohh watch out for winston and his gayass Realm he exists in which is wrong and not of our own and potentially will forever change you with its gayass ways. uh oh don't get corrupted into a whole other powerful magical mode of existence if you commune with him in some deep fundamental nourishing ways. oh nooo watch ouuuut....one of the "you might be a changeling if" moments being "when they think they're alone do they act up?? dance??" like yeah i'm stimming and bursting into motion and making noises and existing wrong when i think i'm alone. Old Souls (theory as well that newborn changelings were secretly elderly fairies)....existence in the Fey Realm just making you different and out of place huh. and it would just be a guy though like either [undetectable except by already trying to kill them] and/or [actually just a human, fairies are just humans, fairies b/c they're in/from the fairy realm] but uh oh don't let him corrupt you. don't go hanging out with him and talking with him and partaking in his activities and embracing his ways. you'll be changed. you'll never fit in around here and be able to do things right ever again. we'll have to start beating you with hammers. and all for what. your weird gayass little guy and a whole possible other dimension of existence? vs all This? smh

[queenlua]

god, i was riding the most absolutely glorious high of finally not only defeating, but obliterating, the Area 6 boss

...only to get my ass completely handed to me by Star Wolf three times in a row lmao

(his team can can block charged shots now?  as a certain lupine villain once said: what the heck)

anyway yeah this game sure knows how to keep me humble

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[smirk47]

Re-listened to Pasithea s1e2 a few days ago but didn’t have time to write up reactions until now.

Listening to this episode, knowing everything I now know based on all of s1 and s2, something I was thinking about as I started the episode was: what is really drawing Jane and Sophie together at this point?

(spoilers plus rambly thoughts and run-on sentences ahead!)

Like – at the most basic, surface level of everything, they both have so much to be angry at each other about and so little reason to trust each other at this point. And they definitely have not really talked to each other enough yet by this point or been through enough together recently to have truly started to build a new understanding of each other – a lot of what they have to go on is their memories of the other from when they were younger, and their knowledge of some of the WORST things the other has done during the war. They haven’t really had much of a chance to see how the other person has changed in that time, or how those experiences have affected them. (I mean ... this is more true of Sophie than Jane, I suppose, but I do think it’s still essentially accurate for both of them.)

So why – at this early point in the story - are they still so drawn to each other already despite all this?

Listening to the episode what I came away with is that the reasons are complicated but also, ultimately, devastatingly simple: they are both SO lonely.

They’re 10 million other things also -- at least a third of which are actively contradictory and messy -- but I think the heart of why they keep calling each other and talking about so much more than just what would actually be absolutely necessary to deal with their immediate problems (which are: (a) what is Alegros up to? And (b) What the heck is happening with Carla?) and slipping up and failing to keep their walls up as high as they mean to is really just that: they’re lonely.

And like, that’s not necessarily any great revelation or brilliant observation, I suppose. But still. For all the complexity of everything else going on in the story, and all the secrets and betrayals and love yet to be revealed and discovered – I think it’s just such an effective, affecting emotional baseline to build this story and relationship out of.

They’re lonely, and lost, and traumatized and it’s so easy to become isolated and lose your sense of self under circumstances like that.

But there on the other end of these messages is someone who shares and understands at least a little of the same pain of love and loss that has changed the shape of your life and identity in the past several years. And not only that, this person has known you for a long time, and can’t help but still react to you sometimes as if you were still the person you believed yourself to be before the war.

Just… so much of our sense of self is shaped by how people react to us, and by the parts of our selves they reflect back at us. (It’s why culture shock can be so profoundly alienating and disorienting, right? When you find yourself far from the familiar and land in a place where your behavior does not necessarily MEAN the same thing to you as it does to the people around you – when people interpret your actions in a way you didn’t intend because they don’t have the same shared cultural background or experiences, then all of a sudden, all the things that reinforced your own idea of Who You Are are just totally stripped away. It can be freeing, but also deeply terrifying.)

And I have to imagine that talking to someone who knew them so well before the war – even as fraught and frustrating and full of misunderstanding as their relationship was before the war – must be a comfort when everything else makes you feel adrift, and when your name and reputation has taken on a life of its own that feels so totally outsized and separate from who you feel like you are on a day-to-day basis.

Add on to ALL of this the fact that (even though they have been through hell and see themselves as mature and jaded) they are actually SO YOUNG (25!? They are BABIES!), and then add on the truly UNTHINKABLE amount of Unresolved Sexual Tension they are still carrying from their pre-war days!?!?! and like: good. GOD. no wonder they cannot let go of this connection.

Even as they lash out at each other for reasons both petty and DEEPLY justified, and get mad at themselves for not being able to keep their distance the way they think they should, there’s this relief. This palpable sense of: ‘oh thank god - here’s an anchor to hold onto. A tether to keep me from drifting further into a version of myself that I no longer recognize or understand.’ It’s certainly not always a pleasant or emotionally healthy anchor to cling to for either of them, but dear god I can see why they would both end up clinging to it anyway.

... Well. That was a longer ramble than I thought I was gonna do! Oops? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ohter random thoughts and line shout outs:

Oh man, I always forget about Sophie’s angry little deleted message in reaction to Jane’s shreds of lettuce explanation. It’s so delightful and juicy and righteously angry and understandable but also SO FUCKING MISGUIDED AND UNJUSTIFIED because of the things she doesn’t know right now – I love it SO MUCH. Also, I’m frankly kinda impressed by the restraint she shows by deleting it instead of sending it tbh.

Just: the entire baking soda story. Especially: “So. They probably went home thinking they’re an accessory to murder, but at least a poor, down at heel war hero winked at them.” A delight. A++.

Jane having the realization of how limited her safety and privacy really are and fighting back a panic attack in real time while leaving a message: :(((. OOF.

Agent Blanc calling her Janie pisses me off SO. MUCH. Such a patronizing creep, right off the bat.

“I am being held. It’s very romantic.” Hee.

Everything about the fight with Alegros. Especially the ornamental tree.

The journey in Sophie’s message from “War Hero Attacks Innocent Man With Artificial Tree” – which made me laugh out loud – to the deeply sincere conclusion of “I can’t handle this anymore, Jane. I can’t watch this woman drown in front of me and do nothing but whisper about it.” is so good, and shows some of the pain, and fear, and compassion that Sophie hides under all that charm and bluster and bravado. She’s hard not to love in that moment.

And Jane’s response! Blunt, somewhat clinical, keeping that professional emotional distance – you can absolutely see some of her Pasithea experience poking through there (and also perhaps the fact that she has already been through several rounds of feeling drawn to and worried about and hurt or let down by Sophie even if the audience has not?) – but also ultimately legitimately good, clear-headed advice that does help Sophie find a path forward.

… After which Jane mercilessly teases Sophie for everything about her fight with Alegros. Which: fair! And also: AMAZING.

“In case you’re as clueless as he was, people from the sky are exactly the same color as they are on the ground until they get hit by whatever’s raining down on them and then they aren’t anymore.” OOF.

God, I feel like I could just copy-paste all of Sophie’s last message in this episode from “What am I going to do about it?” onward. It’s such a hard thing that she does, talking to Carla, and such a good thing, and all the little details - the training, the black bean burgers, Carla’s relief, Sophie’s response to learning what Carla was taking hypnos for, ALL OF IT – just paints such a picture of how deeply, mundanely horrible the war and its aftermath have been. It’s so effective and heartbreaking and does such a good job of fleshing out Sophie as a deeply sympathetic and even legitimately heroic and admirable character, without negating how much of a fuck-up she is sometimes too.

It also sets up such an interesting dynamic of audience empathy and understanding where it’s hard not to sort of adopt Sophie as your POV character at this point, since Sophie is more overtly emotionally accessible and understandable by this point in the narrative while Jane is still comparatively very distant and (understandably) emotionally opaque (is that even a real phrase? IDK.).

What I’m saying is: it’s a real good monologue that accomplishes a bunch of things all at once and I like it and it’s good? Yeah. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[reanimatestar]

guy who was fundamentally changed when sherlock said "I have never loved"

[enterideahere]

[autism-corner]

i dont want to lose weight bc what if a pretty boy needs to cling to my arm or sit on my lap?? then where would they go?