#ptsdjournal

[usemycbd-blog]

I know many with #PTSD Please share with them. USEMYCBD.COM #ptsdwontstopme #ptsdrecoverypositivity #ptsdawarenessmonth #ptsdjourney #ptsddog #ptsd #ptsdshit #ptsdworrior #ptsdwellness #ptsdtheinvisiblescar #ptsdeffectsthewholefamily #ptsdhealing #ptsdbreakthesilence #ptsddoesntgettowintoday #ptsdfoundationofamerica #ptsdsucks #ptsdproject #ptsdawarness #ptsdvictim #ptsdsurviver #ptsdjournal #ptsdcontest #ptsdinspirational #ptsdandcannabis #ptsdawarenessday #prilaga #ptsdsymptoms #ptsdhelp #ptsdlife #ptsddogsareawesome #ptsdisabitch

[usmccarter]

#Repost @ptsdjournalmag (@get_repost) ・・・ Misconceptions: 1. All wounds are visible. 2. There is an “easy” cure. 3. Everyone with PTSD is over medicated. 4. PTSD is a sign of weakness. 5. People with PTSD are a threat to others and themselves. 6. Only men get PTSD/PTSD is just a military disorder. Link in bio. . . #ptsd #ptsdjournal #ptsdawareness #ptsdawarenessmonth #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #wellness #ptsdrecovery #recovery #inspiration #inspirational #help #helpingothers #listen #listening #share #abusive #relationship #misunderstood #misconception

[writing-a-new-story]

6/10/2018

I thought I would be doing so much better almost two months later, but I’m just not.

Yesterday I was out with my boyfriend at the grocery store to buy ice cream and we were having a really good time just looking around. We walked through the little flower section and they had these fluorescent blue orchids growing in pots. At first I thought they were pretty. I thought they were pretty.

Then an old memory surfaced, one that I had completely forgotten about until right then. He bought me blue orchids, exactly like those ones, dyed with bright blue food coloring. He bought them for me and told me I needed to come get them from his car. I knew that if I got in his car he would want to touch me, so I found every excuse not to get in. He was so angry. The orchids died.

Back at the grocery store my boyfriend was trying to get me through check out while I zoned in and out. I couldn’t focus on anything, nothing that usually brings me back from a panic attack was working. I couldn’t calm down until we were leaving the parking lot.

I’m so angry. We were having such a good time in that grocery store. I was living and I was having a good time being in love in spite of everything that’s happened and a pot of fake blue orchids ended it. I’m trying to be happy in a new relationship that has nothing to do with him and he still weasels his way into it even though I don’t have any contact with him. I thought I would be safe from him when i got away but I’m not safe and I’ll never be safe. I’m angry at myself for not being able to accept what happened and move on, for getting so upset about flowers. I’m angry at him for what he did, what he’s doing, what it did to me, what it’s doing to me.

Last night I had one bad nightmare and just didn’t sleep at all after that. I got maybe 2 hours. At 9 this morning I just laid there crying. I will never be safe.

[usmccarter]

#Repost @ptsdjournalmag (@get_repost) ・・・ After Being Arrested And Considered A Potential Terrorist, Affraz Mohammed’s Life Fell Apart. To Put Things Back Together, All He Needed Was For Someone To Listen. Link to latest articles in bio. . . . #ptsd #ptsdjournal #ptsdawareness #ptsdawarenessmonth #ptsdawarenessday #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #wellness #ptsdrecovery #recovery #inspiration #inspirational #help #helpingothers #treatment #listen #listening #cope #coping

[usmccarter]

#Repost @ptsdjournalmag (@get_repost) ・・・ Link to article in bio. . . . #ptsd #ptsdjournal #wounded #military #ptsdawareness #ptsdawarenessmonth #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #wellness #ptsdrecovery #recovery #ptsdquotes

[usmccarter]

#Repost @ptsdjournalmag (@get_repost) ・・・ MDMA – more commonly known by its party-name ecstasy – is continuing to demonstrate serious potential as a possible form of treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Link to article in bio. . . . #ptsd #ptsdjournal #ptsdawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #ptsdrecovery #recovery #inspiration #inspirational #help #helpingothers #share #happiness #research #resource #resources #anxiety #military #civilian #psychology #psychiatry #ecstacy #mdma

[writing-a-new-story]

4-28-2018

Had a good first day on my new medication. I got a headache but I’m pretty sure its allergy/sinus stuff. I was really worried it was going to alter my mood or awareness too much but I think I’m okay. I went grocery shopping today and didn’t feel as anxious that he was going to be there. I guess the true test will be tomorrow when I have to be out with my family for my birthday and see if I’m not as anxious. 

I have an appointment with a new counselor on friday; I’m so scared to confront my trauma. I couldn’t even force myself to tell my doctor what happened, she had to ask questions and I had to nod my head because I was crying too hard. Talking about isn’t just reliving it, it’s reimagining it and imagining the trauma becoming worse than it was if I hadn’t done certain things to protect myself.