#pure fucking crack

[feralwaff1e]

TMA PMATGA AU CROSS OVER FICLET IM GIVING NO CONTEXT FOR.

You read the title have this ficlet that only I’ll enjoy Lmfaooo. No grammar checks or nothing.

Betrayus only kept his eye on the paper in front of him. He hated this, all of this, to be some kind of ‘archivist’. It was all bullshit and Elias knew it, the bastard sitting in his office above him.

Betrayus just pinched his nose and breathed out. There was no use in being angry right now, he had a job to do. One last statement to be taken today and he could finally go back to his dingy apartment. So the quicker he could get this over with the better. So with little hesitancy he pressed the button on the comm.

“Buttler? Can you send in the last person of the day.”

There wasn’t a reply, but soon enough someone stepped through the office door. Betrayus couldn’t help but stare at the man. He had to practically suck under the door as not to hit the frame. So Betrayus eyed him curiosity as he sat down. The hood on his track suit covering his face.

“So you’re the head archivist then?” His voice sounded somewhat familiar and grated, but Betrayus shrugged it off.

“Yes.” The more Betrayus looked over the man in front of him, the more he felt uncomfortable. Something was wrong with him. Betrayus didn’t know what and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to figure it out, “What brings you in today Mr..?”

“S.” Was the curt response and even though the jacket covered his face, Betrayus could as if he was smirking under it, “And I’ve come to give my statement. Why else would I be here?”

Betrayus only shrugged in agreement. Why did anyone come to the institute? Still though, Betrayus could appreciate the bluntness. So he took out the tape recorder from his desk.

“Alright, well then Mr.S” Betrayus pressed the play button, “Statement of Mr. S taking directly from subject as of February 24th of 2023 regarding…”

“The death of my brother and the consequences of it.” Mr S finished

Betrayus nodded his head, “Statement begins.”

“As a child I had a little brother. Loved him with all my heart you know? What sibling doesn’t love one another? Sure he was a little out of the ordinary, white skin instead of our dads olive green skin or our mom’s tan skin. Though… Let’s call him Bertram, Bertram made it work. He was proud of his skin, I made sure of that.

Though most of it changed when our mom and dad got divorced. Nasty things for children to go through don’t you think?”

“Yes, my parents were divorced when I was a child.”

“You don’t say? Anyhow, our lives made it a living hell you know? Mom working late shifts to support us. What I hated though more than anything was how she treated my brother. Bertram looked a lot like our dad you see? Mom wasn’t too keen on him after the divorce because of that. Never mind my green skin, apparently that didn’t matter. Just mattered that Bertram looked like a white version of our dad.

Not going to lie, I resented her for that. I started to take care of my brother more then her. It was us against the world. I wouldn’t let anything touch him. I couldn't because he just meant so much to me. It’s funny really, you look like what I imagine him to look like at this age.”

“Let’s stay on track with the statement please.”

“Of course, sorry about that.

Anyway, one day he had this nasty fever. I begged our mom to take him to the hospital. That this wasn’t him just faking being sick, he was sick. I don’t know the cause of death, our mom never told me, but when I came home from school Bertram wasn’t there and neither was our mom.

I was worried sick until she came home that night. Even more so when she returned alone. She sat me down on our dingy dining room table and told me Bertram had passed away. I didn’t believe her at first, I yelled and cussed and it had gotten to a point where I had thrown glass at her. It was the last straw for me, I ran out that door and right into the arms of something more accepting.

There was a library by our house, and I was just angry. I didn’t think at that moment I just did, I don’t know why I broke in, I just did. It must have been teenage hormones or something. There wasn’t a rhyme or reason, just anger. So I broke into the library, and walked around. I don’t think I was going to take anything? But then it caught my eye. ‘The Bone Turners Tale’ a thick black book. It was like something had compelled me and I picked up the book and read it.

Funny enough, it was a book on the perspective on a bone smith following the pilgrims in the Canterbury tales. It was on page 16 that the book truly changed my life ‘and from his rib a flute to play that merry tune of marrow took.” It had said as the bone smith killed the millers and I learned so much from that book.”

“….Like what?”

“Like how I made our mom pay for what she did to my brother. How to listen to the sweet song that is flesh and bone, along with how to play my own tune.

I came home that night, mom waiting with tears down her face but I didn’t care. I struck her down and played that song of flesh and bone. She had always wanted to be taller you know? So I dig my hand into her legs and stretched them, and then I made her face as ugly as her personality was.”

“Why are you making this statement?”

“You didn’t let me finish archivist. After that I roamed a little, did some side jobs like disposing of the bodies the pacmafia accumulated until I caught the eye of your boss-“

Betrayus turned the recorder off, ignoring the fact his hand had fought him on it, “That’s it, the statement is over, I want you out.”

What Betrayus hadn’t expected was ‘Mr.S’ to stand up to full size and make his way over the table, “No, I don’t think so Betrayus.” He grabbed Betrayus by his arms and easily pinned his to the wall, “Elias had promised me something Betrayus and I am going to take it.”

“And what would that be?” Betrayus snarled at the man holding him, only to falter when ‘Mr.S’ took off his hoodie.

“My brother,” This Stratos look a like said, a sick yet warm smile on his face, “Oh, Tray-tray I’ve missed you so much.”

Betrayus was shaking now, “I’m not your brother,” he said barely above a whisper, “Elias can’t bring people back from the dead Stratos.”

“No,” Stratos agreed, more chirpy than Betrayus would have liked, “But he can certainly find me a copy of him.”

Betrayus held his breath as this Stratos pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Now being able to feel under the track suit how wrong this Stratos felt. How everything was pulled together and bunched like a child’s art project.

“And I’m going to let this copy of my brother go.”

[izzystizzys]

TW: discussion of something approximating suicidal tendencies but with the usual crack programming of this blog

“Ah, High General Windu”, says Fox, pleasantly. “So we meet again.”

High General Windu raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him, Fox thinks, though it’s getting hard to tell with all the blood rushing to his head. “If I let you go, will you try to throw yourself out of another window?”

Fox makes a vague shrugging motion - or tries to, anyways. It’s hard to tell where any of his limbs are going, hanging upside down in the air as he is. “I am willing to discuss terms.” A bridge will do just fine.

Impossibly, the High General’s eyebrows climb even further up his forehead. “A compromise, then, esteemed Commander.” And so, he righths Fox the head way up in the air, but leaves him floating just above the ground, at which point several painted shells come skidding around the corner followed by billowing robes and screeches.

“WHAT”, says Kote, calmly, “THE BANTHA-KARKED, FORCE-LOVING KRIFF, FOX.”

“You’ll short out your helmet mic”, Fox advises him, sagely. Fondly, he thinks back to decimating his own on only his second time in the newly-christened official Coruscant Guard Scream Closet. He’d just received the comm about the Zillo Beast being transported to 000, and made sure to take his bucket off thereafter to improve the quality of his closet time.

High General Windu’s face does something complicated between sympathy and constipation.

Because the Galaxy doesn’t hate Fox enough already and Cody wasn’t enough on his own, Wolffe elbows his way through their batch to plant himself in front of him, shoulders squared and shaking with repressed rage. “If you try that again, dickhead”, he begins, in a low growl that quite frankly sounds more cringe that intimidating, “I’m going to resurrect you and then kill you again.”

“Ah, Wolffe”, Plo Koon says, in his deep, shivery timbre, “Remember our conversations about effective conflict resolution and communication of needs?”

Wolffe’s eyes narrow at Fox, because all non-Guard are sweet summer children who walk around buckets off on 000 like absolute lunatics. Fox prays they never have to find out why that’s a bad idea. “I feel”, his ori’vod presses out between clenched teeth, “that if you make me watch you throw yourself out of another window, I’m going to jump after you and strangle you on the way down, you little bitch.”

“That’s fair”, says Fox, and watches High General Kenobi bury his face in his hands. Wolffe twitches in place and makes an aborted groaning noise, the hypocrite.

“Excuse me, High Marshall Commander Fox, but I fail to see what’s so dire about this situation that the Jedi High Council and your brothers cannot help you solve”, says Windu, the only sane one left on this Force-forsaken bloated corpse of a planet. Behind the gaggle of Jedi and ori’vode already gathered in front of Fox, the rest of them come veering around the corner in a commotion that’s quite frankly embarrassing. High General Yoda is mounted on Skywalker’s back like he’s a race-Eopie, which is Fox’ only consolation.

He got up this morning at 0300, bleary-eyed and with a pounding headache as always, and all was right in the world. And then Fox got called into the Jedi High Council’s chambers and was ceremoniously informed that in the wake of Chancellor Palpatine’s unfortunate demise (hah), and through the emergency state of the Senate, as well as several invented promotions foisted on Fox to make the delegation of any and all paperwork less shady, he was now next in the chain of command and-

Well, Fox is the acting Chancellor, in short.

Haha, he had said, and been meet with several seconds of silence, until it got both awkward and exceedingly painful. Wait, he’d said. You’re kriffing serious.

Kriffing serious, we are, had said High General Yoda, and thus Fox launched himself out the first best window with a maniacal cackle of, you’ll have to catch me first!

And catch him, High General Windu sure did.

“The will of the Force this is”, Yoda interrupts Fox’ train of thought. He scans him thoughtfully from beneath his wizened brow, and hems to himself. “Shake things up, this will. Determine the fate of the Galaxy, this shall. A feeling, I have, that a good Chancellor you will make. A better one, hmmm.”

“That’d be high praise, if not for the fact that a dead lemming would make for a better Chancellor than the last one”, says Fox, drawing and indignant gasp from Skywalker. He doesn’t bother with either that or the green goblin’s cackle, lost in the deep sense of resignation that settles over his shoulders like a suffocating blanket.

“Alright, then, get me Thorn on the comm. As my first act in office, I’m firing all the Jedi. No offense, but you’re kind of a disaster. Then, someone get me to the Chancellor’s office, I’m calling Dooku to let him know the war’s off. And please get me Judicial, they’ll be up all night working on my datafolders - I’m having the Senate arrested.”

“Who - is - arresting - “, Bly pants, hands on his knees from where he’s just come sprinting around the corner with his Jedi.

Underneath his bucket, Fox smiles a smile that’s all teeth. “The Senate”, he says, sweetly, wondering if he’s just imagined the shiver that’s gone through the room. “I’m suing the Senate, and taking them all into temporary custody for abuse of sentient rights.”

[magicpiano]

I have seen a few DCxMarvel dimension travel fics, and quite a few of them are of them are Peter Parker post-blip. Which gives me a crack fic idea: everyone who got snapped ended up in the DC universe. Yes, all of them.

The current world population is around eight billion, so half of that would be 4 billion... Yeah that would cause so so so many problems. But the DC universe is used to crazy shit.

Obviously there would be a sudden influx of "new" heroes and villains but with absolutely no context it is hard to figure out who is who.

Batman immediately trying to make contingency plans for all these new heroes and villains as well as figure out their civilian identities but this is very difficult because literally no records exist yet.

Magic users from both worlds team up, but I think they were still unable to fix it, the infinity stones were just too powerful. Also I think Dr. Strange and Constantine can't stand each other.

While I am at it, Wonder Woman and Loki would probably hate each other too. DC is more Greek but it has had their own version of Norse mythology, so maybe they are the same and have beef?

They would struggle to feed and house that many new people, but getting them jobs and integrating them into society would be hard too. And good luck proving anything anyone says. "You swear you have a law degree from Harvard? Okay I guess."

Do doubles exist? Yeah a lot of people probably don't have an alternate universe double, but it stands to reason some do. How do you deal with having a new kind-of twin? Or a dead friend or relative coming back, but different? Or even someone you never knew/doesn't exist in this world insisting they are family.

Some au double ideas I have seen people toss around are: Dick Grayson as Richard Parker, Kara Danvers as Carol Danvers, Steve Trevor as Steve Rogers, and Slade Wilson as/being somehow related to Wade Wilson, but I am sure there are other fun ideas out there too.

The snap didn't just affect humans/earth! So other planets are having the same problems.

Then randomly, five years later, just when people were getting used to the change, they all disappear again without warning. This causes as many problems as the original appearance did.

[nikoisme]

To add onto my Odysseus and Neoptolemus idea: bring Diomedes into the equation. Odysseus and Diomedes as a duo but now they're involuntarily stuck with Neoptolemus, "you brought him here and now you're responsible for him" style. Diomedes can get along with him, as he understands being brought to war so young, but Odysseus? The two can't be left alone together. They can't stand each other. Arguing every five minutes, constantly bitching. This has comedy potential if you allow yourself the imagination

[and-not-where-we-choose]

I just knocked back a 70k wincest fic over the course of an evening. You know what else is 70k words? The fucking novel on my desk I've been wanting to read for weeks that makes me go "ohh no that's a lotta pages :(" every time i look at it

[xuxudio]

successfully choosing the most doomed ship in any media since 1999

[ony-y]

Since last time I updated you guys on the memes from X (twitter) about Fina's violence towards Marta, I had to do the same for today's episode. (101)

And since I can't add 2 videos I'm also adding this links:

On another note

Fina's face when Tasio entered the shop was just priceless.

In conclusion, Alba is such a delicate actress, and we love her.

Enjoy the images that I took of Marta B from @isabelmorenogzl story on IG

[moongothic]

You know I have discussed in the past how I think it's quite likely Dragon is just Very Straight and that could've been a key, deciding factor in The Dragodile Divorce, but it is worth also considdering that the entire relationship could've been compulsory heterosexuality for (pre-t) Crocodile too. Like Croc could be straight and be exclusively attracted to women and he simply just... didn't figure it out until he had his gender shit sorted out

And, IDK, Dragon divorcing Croc because he's not into men is absolutely tragic and painfully real, but there is also something deeply sad about the idea of Crocodile being the one to divorce Dragon because he's the one who realized he wasn't actually into men

[navree]

these both being aegon looking at jaehaerys........daemon targaryen when i fucking catch you..............

[spytefull]

So you know how Luci fucked both of Adam's wives? What if the angels were so disappointed by how pathetic Adam was that they just... made more humans by themselves?

Which then led me to the thought, that if that were true, maybe C&A wouldn't exist in this universe at all, but THEN I realised

Lucifer had sex with each of Adam's wives.

What if both of them gave birth, to two cute, tiny, little baby boys.

What if Cain and Abel are half-brothers on their father's side, but what if that father is Lucifer??

[murderandcoffee]

I think that the funniest headcanon I could possibly have would be that peter lukas has a fat ass

like just an absolute dumptruck

he's trying to sneak around while invisible but he's dummy thick and the clap of his asscheeks keeps alerting the beholding

jonah magnus is an ass man

[schnuffel-danny]

Jack finally starts paying closer attention to the Wisconsin ghost, who seems to have a disturbing obsession with him, and instead of coming to the (correct) conclusion that he’s trying to fucking murder him, Jack decides that this aggressively obsessive behavior can only mean one thing - the ghost has a crush on him (because ghost courting rituals have to be weird as hell, right?). Now Jack has to figure out a way to politely turn Plasmius down and tell him he has a wife and kids without putting his family in danger, because who knows what horrid things a ghost is willing to commit in the name of love...

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Wait!! In an earlier post you said everyone was aggressive… especially Barnaby…

What happened when he woke up? Unless it’s a spoiler/ not ready yet, then forget this question!!

I hope you have a nice day/night though :3

that answer is indeed Not Ready Yet! but in short, he has a Really bad time after he wakes up. like, it's Rough rough for him. and before anyone asks - no, it's not because of the arm! that is something he can understand, even if its a lil unsettling. everything Else, however...

[cemetery-irises]

will wood in case i die.... save me...... save me in case i die will wood.....

[mitsuki91]

Snowbaird here, Snowplinth there, but this fucking fandom is really pure as the driven snow... What does it means he has not Crassus/Strabo? Only 16 works on Tigris/Coriolanus? And then almost nothing left about Crassus/Casca? 2 work in dr Gaul/Coriolanus and only 3 with Gaul/Ravinstill???

I also remind you I create the Crassus/Lucy Gray tag.

Where are all my worst and unhinged ships?! If even this mild ship, not even crack for me, have so little works?!

[zoriety]

When I made this hollow knight music video I did a couple years back, it all looks hand-drawn in pencil because it pretty much totally is

At the time I wasn't that great at using a more traditional tablet (like just a blank slate one) and I'd just bought a visual drawing type tablet but wasn't used to it either, so I decided the best way to tackle this project was to get a stack of printer paper, draw each panel and scan them in to add the block background colour and shading.

Then I put the panels into a video editor, which was a totally free one that I had no idea to use in any capacity greater than making a slideshow. I still have no idea how to use davinci resolve, and let's face facts, I almost certainly will never know