#quirael

[willowcrowned]

the thing about qui gon and rael is that like. rael thinks qui gon is the version of him who didn't fail, right? qui gon was the one who didn't have to kill his padawan in the end. qui gon was the one who didn't fuck up in a way that unmade him. and qui gon knows that. qui gon believes that. qui gon thinks that all that's standing between him and the utter destruction of what's left of rael is the bare fact that he wasn't the one to physically kill his padawan. rael for qui gon is a version of himself that he hates. and that's something he can't ever acknowledge

[phoenixyfriend]

Qui-Gon gets a shirt from Rael that says "Sexy Bitch" on it in sparkly pink cursive. He hides it away because he can't just throw out a gift, but he refuses to wear it.

At one point, he is forced to do so anyway for Laundry Reasons, only to find that SOMEONE went in and painstakingly hand-embroidered a solid red line through "Sexy" so that it's clearly meant to be just "Bitch."

(Sexy can still be seen, of course, because it's much more mean if onlookers know that someone has deliberately declared Qui-Gon to be Not Sexy, and just A Bitch.)

He still has to wear it in public. People take photos.

[revoleotion]

“Why did you ask for me?” Qui-Gon yelled after him. “So I could save you?”

His former friend chuckled. It broke Qui-Gon’s heart but he was used to being disappointed by Rael. He was used to disappointing him too.

“Who knows!” Rael said. “You certainly couldn’t.”

“How could you ask this of me?!” Qui-Gon asked. His misery bled into his voice but Rael just continued walking.

“Rael,” Qui-Gon said, pleaded, begged. “Don’t leave the Jedi because I was an idiot. Don’t let me ruin this for you.”

The deep, cynical laugh that left Rael’s throat hurt like getting impaled by a lightsaber.

“Your Padawan is still alive, my friend,” Rael said. “Start there.”

[gawayne]

me: haha rael with dick piercings sexy

my brain: qui-gon plays with those with his tongue

me:

[willowcrowned]

QuiRael

what if the most irritating man you’ve ever met sublimated all his grief and guilt into being As Correct As Possible and what if the most pathetic man you’ve ever met sublimated all his grief and guilt into being As Slutty As Possible. and btw what if they also had similar generational trauma with a complete inability to even begin to approach it. and also they want to fuck. that’s quirael

[willowcrowned]

What are your top SW ships for comedy

personally i love quirael because i think they're the perfect ration of psychologically damaged to (not) self aware to ridiculous to pathetic to horny to be perfect for comedy without being outright depressing. that said i do think in the canon universe rael's death is very very sad and quite possibly self inflicted

[willowcrowned]

finding stuff in your drafts folder you forgot about like hey this is pretty good. i wonder how it ends—oh.

[willowcrowned]

Rael wears Qui-Gon's shirts specifically because they're way too long so Everyone Knows

he thinks it makes him look a little sexy a little dangerous but in reality he looks like a victorian child in a nightgown. all he’s missing is a cap some slippers and a lamp

[willowcrowned]

qui gon/rael, sith au (for one or both of them)?

[Give me a pairing and a word/phrase, and I'll write you a drabble]

Qui-Gon's eyes burn an acrid yellow, the color of sulfur, and the touch of them is caustic on Rael's skin.

"This isn't you," Rael says. It sounds brave, sounds true, sounds like everything Rael has always pretended to be and always fallen short of in the end, but it's not. It's not anything but denial, and that—that Rael has always excelled at.

Qui-Gon doesn't speak, but he doesn’t have to. He's always been good at ferreting out exactly what Rael was thinking before he knew it himself, at laying all of Rael out on display painfully and exactly, and the fact that he's being careful about it now—gentle, even though it's the last thing Rael deserves—just makes the agony of it worse.

This isn't Qui-Gon, Rael wants to think, but it's him in all the ways that matter any more. This isn't Qui-Gon, Rael wants to think, but the burning irises don't belie the laugh lines around his eyes, and the frown lines around his mouth, and the smell of green, growing things that seems to be ever present around him. This isn't Qui-Gon, Rael wants to think, but it is.

Like he can hear Rael's thoughts, see every decision laid out like clockwork, Qui-Gon breathes in, then out, and speaks.

"The Jedi took my padawan from me," he hisses, and his eyes burn brighter still, "the same way they took yours." He stretches out a hand, palms still covered in lightsaber callouses, nails still clipped short and square. "Join me," he says, and it sounds like the crackle of a pyre and the burn of smoke in Rael's lungs. "Join me, and make them pay."

[willowcrowned]

getting back up on my Qui-Gon/Rael soapbox to say that one time Qui-Gon called Rael a two-bit whore in the most scathing tone he could manage and it turned Rael on so much that he was silent for a solid minute

[willowcrowned]

new theory: the reason Qui-Gon is Like That around Rael is because he’s discovered that if he doesn’t act like sex is the devil, Rael will rope him into a threesome right then and there

[willowcrowned]

I would like to know how close you are to theorizing how Raels slutty ways (affectionate) effected Obi-Wan intentionally or otherwise. I mean I guess I am also assuming it’s in a universe where tiny obiwan can see his master verbally spare with Rael and one of them blue screens and obiwan is like ooh interesting! Tries it out and several year later obiwan is almost as bad as rael. Rael is the real reason obi flirts in battle. That it that’s my theory.

Well I wasn't close at all to theorizing that Rael's incorrigible sluttiness infected him, but let's talk this out, shall we?

Rael and Obi-Wan meet when Obi-Wan is seventeen. As far as we see within the book, Obi-Wan didn't change directly after that, but he also didn't see Qui-Gon and Rael bickering. If, say, Rael came back after that to *ahem* spend the night, I guess we could make a case for Obi-Wan picking up That Voice, and the subsequent ability to make people black out from lust.

But see, Obi-Wan is at least seventeen when this happens, and I don't know about you, but I've found seventeen year olds to be very adept at picking up signals that someone has had sex—not that Obi-Wan needs to be, because Qui-Gon and Rael are loud. (Obi-Wan probably got up and left the first time he heard Rael make Qui-Gon beg to "[redacted] my [redacted] [redacted] the [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] am.")

Point being, he's not actually going to pick up on the arguing-that's-just-foreplay, because hello, he doesn't want to see Rael get shoved to his knees by Qui-Gon (or vice-versa) because seeing those sorts of things makes it kind of hard to look your master in the eye the next day.

At a certain point, Obi-Wan probably gets up and leaves before anyone says anything, because he knows it's only a matter of time. I don't think he'd actively choose to try out the 'flirting to make someone bluescreen' tactic that he's seen Rael (and Qui-Gon) use, because that makes him think about them fucking.

But that's all working under the assumption that Obi-Wan doesn't already know how to use That Voice.

Because okay, he may be seventeen, and he may be awkward, but even awkward seventeen year olds have sex, and some awkward seventeen year olds even try out kinky sex, though all they have to work with for a gag is someone's old scarf. (Which—I think the Temple probably has handcuffs somewhere, and Obi-Wan would very likely just borrow a pair of those.)

Obi-Wan, as a very cute, very sweet, just-a-little-bit-snarky-but-in-a-fun-way seventeen year old, probably has a bunch of partners to choose from. I highly doubt he hadn't figured out the flirting by the time he met Rael.

In conclusion: what Rael really taught him was how to be shameless.

[willowcrowned]

Rael thinks movie theater dates are just an excuse to make out in the back row and is very surprised when his date wants to actually Watch. Like, yeah, people go to watch movies, but that's like... people with kids. Rael took Nim to see Space Frozen! And if Qui-Gon had brought his padawan or something, Rael would have totally assumed they were there to watch! But it's just Qui-Gon and Rael, so shouldn't that mean horny time???

Qui-Gon is absolutely horrified that Rael just took him there to get randy in public. Not because of the sanctity of film or whatever (though he does use that in his argument), but because he’s certainly not cheap enough to do it in the back row of a theater. Take him to an expensive club, at least.

[willowcrowned]

Rael's attempts to get on Qui-Gon's good side include such gems as "delivering Xanatos tied up with a gift bow on the Temple's front steps" and "stealing a long-lost treatise on the Living Force from a Hutt as a 'congrats on seeing Feemor to knighthood' present" and "a list of thirty five embarrassing incidents Master Dooku made me promise not to tell anyone about, but you're also his former padawan so you deserve to know."

Qui-Gon can't tell him to stop, because he's actually being useful, but he can't acknowledge that Rael is being useful, because that would mean tacitly approving of Rael, so instead he just gives him a quick and dirty bj in a closet and calls it a day.

This only encourages Rael.

[willowcrowned]

15. Balter, qui gon + rael

[Prompt List]

balter - to dance gracelessly, but with enjoyment

"I can't watch," Obi-Wan groans, even though it's more like he can't look away. He'd say they're a mess on the dance floor, but mess implies that there'd been something put-together before everything fell apart, and he sees no evidence of that in the awkward, off-beat, slinging of limbs.

It's not even that Qui-Gon can't dance. He can—at least when there are steps to follow—and he can do it well. Obi-Wan's not sure about Rael, but he was Dooku's padawan too. If he didn't know how, Obi-Wan would be surprised.

And yet—this.

There was a reason everyone said you should never go out with your master, no matter how old you got, and the embarrassing drunkenness was only a part of that. (Truly. Obi-Wan would have taken any amount of embarrassing drunkenness over the catastrophe in front of him.)

"They're really bad!" a woman next to him yells over the music, following his gaze, and he turns to her. She's twi'lek—green, maybe, or yellow, though it's hard to tell in the blue light.

Obi-Wan groans. It's not audible, what with the pounding beat, but he's sure he gets the picture from the way he slumps onto the dangerously sticky counter. After a moment, he shouts back, "I know them."

She grimaces, and pats him on the back while he stares into the sweet abyss of a questionably clean surface. He's starting to understand why Aayla swore off clubbing with Quinlan, now. But—well, at least Quinlan can dance. Sort of. Mostly.

"Oh," the twi'lek yells after a few more seconds of misery, "wait, they're doing a bit better now."

Obi-Wan looks up to see Rael gyrating his hips suggestively, and immediately looks back down before he has to see Qui-Gon's response.

The woman snorts, watching him for another few seconds, then moves away when it's clear he has no plans to do anything but mope.

"I'm going home," he announces to no one, and does just that. Qui-Gon and Rael can fend for themselves—the half-foot between them and the rest of the dancers trying to avoid getting hit by an errant elbow (again) makes that very clear.

As Obi-Wan leaves, the song changes. He's not brave enough to look back.