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They Called Me The Gorgon | Chapter Two

Chapter One 

Notes: Excited to get into the deeper part of this little story in my head!

CW: Slight description of a medical procedure.

Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed

2015  

I can’t remember my name.  

That’s the first thought that comes to mind when the man in red metal unlocks the restraints, and I crumble, the weight of my body unfamiliar. Instead of hitting the ground, I hit the shoulder and chest of Steve Rogers. He steadies me on my feet, and I shrink back.  

“Sorry,” he mumbles, “I didn’t want you to get hurt.” I quickly nod, maybe he really is here to help me?  

No, I think, be smart. Be safe. 

“Do you know where you are?” He asks.  

I glance around and go to speak; my voice sounds hoarse and my throat is scratchy.  

“This is the room they keep me in when they are asking me questions, or… putting me to sleep.”  

Steve looks sad as he asks his next question,  

“Do you know who you are?”  

My eyes widen and I look up at him. How did he know?  

“It’s okay,” the man in red interrupts, “I downloaded all the files from here, we can figure it all out at the Tower.”  

Steve feels familiar, like I recognize him from somewhere in my memory, and that feels like the only thing I can trust right now, so I look to him. He meets my eyes and nods.  

“We can get you out of here, bring you to New York. Somewhere safe.”  

New York, I’ve heard that before.  

“Wait,” I pause, “tell me who you all are. If- if you wanted to kill me, you would have by now. Why do you want me?”  

The other man speaks up, I see he has what looks like a silver metal vest?  

“Hydra has destroyed a lot of lives. We’ve spent the last year tracking and destroying what’s left of them.’’ He walks up next to Steve and smiles gently.  

“I’m Sam, Sam Wilson. And I would love to get up on out of here. We can’t really leave you here on an island.” He takes a step closer to me, and once I don’t flinch away, he leans closer.  

“I know you must be confused, but I’m sure we can get it all figured out. And you can see that the people who brought you here are gone. It’s a lot to ask, but please, just trust us. If you want to survive, if you want Hydra destroyed, we gotta go.”  

I like Sam, I decide. He has an aura of calm to him. Looking around, I realize that I don’t really have much of a choice. The room is covered in dust and all disheveled, papers on the ground, chairs overturned. Whoever was here last looks to be long gone. My head is pounding, and my thoughts are jumbled. I can’t focus on a memory, it’s just all clouded.  

Resigned to the fact that my only choice is to go with them or starve here all alone, I stand straighter and nod.  

“I’m going to be so mad if anyone kills me,” I mumble. I don’t think I anyone could hear me, but I see Steve smile a bit.  

Tony now introduces himself, and they lead me through the base. When we pass the medical bay, I gasped and shut my eyes, remembering the time they cut into my skin to reset a bone that they had broken, and I was awake for it all. A phantom pain shoots through my arm.  

“Hey,” Steve whispers, “I got you.” I peak through squinted eyes and see that he has offered me his arm. I tentatively place my hand on his forearm, and he leads me the rest of the way while my eyes are closed tight.  

I only open my eyes again when I feel the sunshine on my face.  I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and my shoulders drop, sighing into the feeling of warmth wash over me.  

I open my eyes and immediately see Steve looking at me, it takes him a second to look away when we lock eyes. Tony leads the way to what they call a “quinjet”, and while this all feels unfamiliar, the idea of an aircraft like that sticks out as especially out of place.  

The three men start to talk amongst themselves, leaving me to sit and take a moment. I try to find a corner, having my back against the wall and everyone in my line of sight is the only thing that doesn’t make my heart race. Even if it means being on the floor. I start to try to remember, but I only get flashes of pain and a feeling of dread, and I decide maybe it’s okay to not remember just yet. At least until I’m alone.  

Eventually, Sam walks over to me.  

“Mind if I sit?”  

I say yes, and he sits in front of me, criss crossed applesauce  

I wonder how I know that saying.  

“We’ll be in New York soon. Tony is going to set up some medical evaluations, just to make sure you’re okay. Oh, and he’s going to get a room ready for you.”  

“You want me to live at his house?”  

Sam chuckles.  

“It’s more like a skyscraper slash hotel. Don’t worry, you will have plenty of room to breathe and have your own space.”  

“I really don’t like this; I don’t know what’s going on. I feel lost.”  

“Well, let’s see if we can narrow some things down. Can I ask you some questions?  

I nod.  

“Feel free to ask me anything you want too, okay?” He says, “First one, what is the last year you remember?”  

My head aches a bit as he triggers an automatic answer.  

“1972. No, wait, I remember someone saying the words 1995?” I look at him, “I assume that neither of those are correct.” He shakes his head.  

“It’s 2015.”  

I don’t respond. Mainly because that’s incredibly hard to process. Sam begins again.  

“Let’s do something easier. What’s your favorite color?” He offers.  

“Green.”  

“Favorite Band?”  

“The Rolling Stones wait.... Bowie maybe?” I respond.  

“Well, I can confirm that definitely sounds like 1972.”  

That makes me smile a bit. Learning this bit of information about myself as I say them is unsettling though. We go back and forth for a while longer. I learn my favorite fruit is green grapes, not purple, I don’t like bell peppers, and I remember turning 22.  

Then, Steve walks over to us, announcing we are going to be landing and should probably buckle up. It’s also just then when something clicks in my brain.  

Steve is Captain America?  

1972  

It’s dark, I think as I stir awake. I open my eyes, but I can’t tell a difference, I frantically look around, starting to hyperventilate.  There’s nothing to see but black.  

Suddenly there’s a square of light about five feet in front of me. White static on a television screen. The thunderous noise fills the whole room, like it’s swallowing me whole. I go to cover my ears, but I can’t move from whatever I am laying on, I can feel restraints on me, the pressure tight as it holds my body up from falling from the vertical angle.  

A flash. The noise is gone. I squint to see the TV more.  

“Honey?”  

I gasp, tears immediately welling up in my eyes. Mom.  

She appears on the video, she’s visibly shaking and crying, my father follows behind her.  

“They say you’re alive,” She stifles a sob, “God, I hope that’s true. I love you so much, we both do.” She looks at my dad to continue.  

“It's going to be okay. We will do what they want to keep you safe. Don’t you worry, okay?”  

He looks behind the camera, glaring before looking back.  

“My sweet girl… just hold out. Be strong. I know you can be. I promise one day we will see each other again.”  

Someone yells behind the camera, time’s up. My mom rushes to get in a last word.  

“They promised if we complied, they would keep you alive, please stay alive. You are my whole wor-”  

She’s cut off by the camera shutting off and I finally let myself cry, and I cry so hard it’s hard to breathe.  

“I hope now you will be more... cooperative with us. I wouldn’t want your parents to die before finding out their daughter alive.”  

The male voice isn’t in the room with me. It’s loud and booming over the speakers, replacing the sound of my parents.  

It’s only seconds before I black out again.   

2015 – Steve  

I see the recognition in her eyes. It’s the same familiar shock I see wherever I go, and I expect her to ask questions, but to my surprise, she doesn’t say anything. I try to do the math in my head, overhearing Sam talk to her about the 70’s. There’s no way we could have met. She looks young.  

We land on top of the Tower and rain pours down over New York. Shuffling out, I hold the shield over her head to block the rain and rush into the upper level.  

“You good?” Sam asks her, and she nods, but I see her shivering.  

“Tony, can you call Bruce? Set up the medical bay for the doctors. Sam, can you get JARVIS to find a room.”  

They both turn to attend to their respective tasks, and I lead her to the couch. She’s shivering, and I tell her I’ll be right back, getting her some clothes. A grey Stark Industries sweatshirt and sweatpants.  

When I had them to her, her brow furrows.  

“Stark…” she whispers, “I don’t think I like this name. I don’t know why.”  

I smile a bit, “You wouldn’t be the first with that sentiment.” I pause before taking a deep breath, about to ask her a dreaded question, but she starts up first.  

“How did you know I didn’t know who I was? I saw your face, you expected it.”  

I don’t know how to respond. It takes me a minute to gather my thoughts, and the whole time she doesn’t look away.

“I had a friend, my best friend, who I saw die. Right in front of me. And it killed me, I thought I had avenged him in some way, or at least done right by his memory. Then last year, a man I thought was dead for decades shows up in the middle of the street, trying to kill me. He didn’t remember who he was either.”  

“Does he remember now?” She sounds hopeful, and that breaks my heart.  

“I don’t know. He’s off grid. We were tracking him down before we were led to your location.”  

Her shoulders fall.  

“I think I remember some things before Hydra. Like learning about you in school. Captain America and the Howling Commandos. You were quite the story.”  

I shrug. There’s a comfortable silence before she asks if there’s a place for her to change, and I point her to a bathroom. As she walks away, she turns back for a moment.  

“Bucky Barnes was the only Commando who died, right? Is he…?”  

“Yeah. He is.”  

She nods.  

“I’m sorry, really.”  

“It’s okay. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”  I really am, who knows what she experienced. I only know the basics about Bucky, and it’s unimaginable.

She turns and walks through the door, and Tony rushes into the common area.  

“Where is she?” He says in a hushed tone.  

“In there, what’s wrong?”  

Tony stares at me.  

“You better come look at this before we talk to her more. Bruce and Nat will be here any second and will take her to the medbay. That little show we saw at the base? With the eyes? That was just a preview.”  

“What do you mean?”  

“I mean, she was a test subject of Hydra in the 1970’s. Where they already had an in at SHEILD, and access to all of the technology SHEILD had.”  

“What does that have to do with her? It looks like they tried to turn her into a super soldier, she hasn’t aged a day.”  

“Steve, they had the Tesseract. They used the Tesseract on her.”  

My eyes go wide.  

“What’s the tesseract?”  

Tony jumps as she appears behind him, we both turn as she stares us down; a flash of blue energy appears in her eyes.  

Well, fuck.

Read Chapter Three here

[randomwriting-misc]

They Called Me The Gorgon | Chapter Four

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

Hi I am back and here with a chapter diving into the headspace of Blue at the moment. Writing Chapter five now! 

CW: Panic attacks and mentions of violence.

Tired of Being Alone

2015  

Three Days Later  

“Hey,” someone whispers, “Can you hear me?”    

I hear the calming voice, but I am too far beneath the surface to react. I am drowning, numb to the outside. Surviving. I must survive. The feeling of cold rushes over me and I are able to retreat farther into myself.  

“Blue, you’re scaring even me.” A hand waves back and forth in my line of sight, but I don’t even flinch. Flinching makes it worse. This voice is less calm.  

“How long has she been like this Doc?”    

“Since she woke up, she was panicking, and it set off some of the machines. Heart monitor warnings. Once she heard them, she froze. She’s catatonic. I can’t even get her to blink.”  

A twinge of familiarity sparks at the feminine voice, but it’s overshadowed by her coming out.       

Let go, it’s a whisper but it’s the pressure to comply is loud, protect yourself.    

No. That’s what they want. If I give them what they want, they win.    

“Sam, where’s Rogers?”  

“He went downstairs to talk to Nat and Clint, fill them in on what’s happening.”    

The calm voice is Sam. Sam is nice. He helped me leave the freezer.  

“We should get him; he has spent the most time with her the last few days. Maybe this has happened before.”  

“JARVIS, please tell Captain Rogers to come to the medical bay ASAP.” The feminine voice says loudly. Both bodies in front of me move quickly and frantically, yelling over each other.  

“No, no, no -”  

“Wait! Don’t!”

“Yes, Dr. Cho. I will let him know.”  

The bodiless voice, it’s back. My lungs scream for air as I gasp. My hands press against my ears, and I feel her take over, as I fall into the memories. They won, again.  

1975

“You are an incredible asset to Hydra, Gorgon. Your good behavior will be rewarded.”  

Let it out, the whisper starts, I can make him go away.    

No. They want me to kill.    

I will die.    

Maybe that would be better.  

“Wouldn't like some food? Maybe some clothes? It's awfully cold.”  

I realize that I am stripped from head to toe, and I am so desperately freezing. As quick as the thought comes, I push it away and sink deeper, letting the cold help numb the pain, the feelings, willing it all away.  

“Pity. Looks like we will have to beat the Gorgon out today.” The soldier in front of me stands, and the alarms go off, signaling the doors opening.    

The voice from above interjects.    

“Do be careful today gentlemen, the subject is still healing from the last time. Avoid the broken ribs and face, please. We need the eyes.”  

I can feel my grip of reality slipping, and I let it.  

2015      

It feels like fire is running through my veins. My throat is tight. My face is wet with tears. I keep my eyes closed shut, trying desperately to fall back into beneath my consciousness. It works a little bit, and the feeling of burning fades.  

It is interrupted by murmured voices. I can hear them, but the words are meaningless to me.  

“I don’t know man, she just screamed, the lights exploded, and all the equipment shutoff. She threw us all back into a wall without even moving.” That’s Sam.    

“It’s our fault, we didn’t tell Helen not to use JARVIS. I’ve seen the footage, it’s obviously a trigger for her. The blue came back and everything.” Tony.    

Then, a sigh.    

“Let me go in.”  

“Are you sure?”  

There’s no verbal response as the door opens. I go still and fall back even further into my mind. I hate this part, the punishment after the Gorgon comes out.    

I’m not met with violence or pain. I feel the bed I am sitting on dip with the weight of another person. They are moving slowly, and quietly. I tense, waiting, preparing.  Whispers break through the surface, unintelligible at first. It takes me a moment to process the words breaking through my barriers.  

“-ts Steve. You’re safe here No one will touch you without your permission, and no one will hurt you. That is a promise. One I personally make sure is kept, okay?”  

A pause.  

“Come back to me. Let me help.”  

A wave of calm sweeps over me as my subconscious crashes into the surface, bringing me into awareness. Five things register all at once.    

The room in the med bay is trashed.  

The burning I felt was not just the Gorgon, I am slightly singed on the right side of my body.  

Steve Rogers eyes were the prettiest blue, like an ocean.  

I could finally breathe again.

I was reaching out, holding onto his arms like a lifeline.

 He doesn’t pull away, instead, his eyes look me over, clocking any injuries before meeting my eyes again.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“I already told you, you don’t have to apologize. None of this is your fault.”  

I frown and shake my head.  

“Did I hurt anyone?”  

“Maybe yourself, but everyone else is fine.”  

I breathe a sigh of relief. I know they deserve an explanation. Even if it’s difficult. 

“I- I don’t really have control over it. I dissociated a lot to help with surviving. When the blue box came- the Tesseract, those abilities manifested, and I stopped being able to control when I fought back. That’s what they call the Gorgon. It only happens when things got too bad, or I was too weak to keep control.” I look over the room, taking in the damage, flinching at the broken equipment and lights flickering.  

“It’s almost like a different person, and I sometimes wish it was. But I think really, it’s just wanted I wanted to do to the people hurting me. I black out sometimes, like just now.”  

“Well, you probably have PTSD, and most likely had a panic attack. We can move you out of the med bay, get you into a more comfortable environment. It might help.” Steve finally spoke up. He was still letting me hold onto him. My hands were on his forearms. His were lightly touching my elbows. It felt… nice for once. I nodded.  

“I don’t like being in here. It’s too much like…” I don’t even know how to explain. Steve doesn’t need any more than that to understand.  

“Then let’s leave. Can I help you up?”  

“Please, I can barely feel my body.”  

What I can feel though, is Steve’s hands on my arm and waist, gently guiding me to a wheelchair. At one point, he effortlessly lifts me to avoid some glass on the floor. Ah, super soldier , I remember. Would be cool if I could do that.  

“Is Tony going to bill me for this? Because I hate to break it to him, I don’t think I have any money.”  

Steve smiles a bit, “Remind me to talk to you about inflation and maybe take you shopping. I would love to see that reaction from the opposite side.”  

I give him a quizzical look, but shrug, agreeing. Tony and Sam finally venture into the room.    

“Feeling better?” Sam asks.  

“I am so, so sorry.”  

Tony waves a hand, “Don’t even sweat it kid. I’m sorry you had to relive any of that, or you felt unsafe. That’s kind of the opposite point of the Avengers.”  

“I think we should move her into an actual room. And maybe have someone come look at the electrical burns on her arms.” Steve interjects.  

“On it. There’s a whole floor of them, take your pick.”

I am thankful there are no more questions as we leave the torn-up room behind. My relief is larger than my embarrassment.

A few bandages and an apology later, Doctor Cho had cleared me, at least physically. The bedroom was nicer than anything I had ever stayed in, with lush blankets and pillows, and technology I was already confused with. Since did TV’s get so thin?  

The next few days are rough, mentally, and blur together. But Steve stays. He is there when any one of the medical team is in the room. I suspect JARVIS alerts him to anything out of the ordinary because he always comes when I start to panic or slip back into my mind. Even Sam and Tony come to check in throughout the day.  

The nights are the worst, there’s no escaping the memories flooding my dreams. Though, when I woke up crying, or worse, screaming. Steve always seemed to be there.      

Rationally, I know that he was probably making up for how he couldn’t save Bucky Barnes, but I couldn’t find it in me to care much. He talks about Bucky and his life. He tells me the culture shocks of the future, and how he thinks I’ll like it. For once, I had someone to help. There was stability. There was no freezer or punishment, no one to hurt me.  

The days get better, and he asks how I am feeling about the adjustment; if I want to take some more steps to acclimate.  

“It’s hard to learn how to exist when most of your remembered existence is basically an autopilot setting, and I often find myself reverting back to it without thinking. Everything is distant and cold. I would like to feel alive again. To feel control.”  

“Well, you’ve burned through my list pretty fast, maybe we start by introducing you to the rest of the team, and then whatever you want.”  

“Sounds like a plan to me.”  

We smile and both stare for a little too long at each other before moving on.

Read Chapter Five Here

Taglist: @ginger-swag-rapunzel​

[randomwriting-misc]

Spilled Tea and Dry Eyes | Part 2

THIS IS A REPOST - the original was accidentally deleted

Spencer x Fem!Reader

Series Summary:  A novelist that feels lost in her writing comes across Spencer Reid, and her original work holds a special place in his heart, inspiring a light in both of them. With a budding romance fit for one of her books, will Spencer and her make it to the happy ending?

CW: Talk of suicide and death of a book character, slight cursing

Word Count: 3,410

Part One 

______________________________________________________

Part Two: Butterflies

*Y/N’s POV*

Days passed as I made that coffee shop my temporary home office away from home, and there was no sign of him yet. I never even got his name, and I was starting to worry that I was being insanely creepy hoping to see him like this. Around day four, I actually decided to get some more work done as another deadline loomed at the end of the week. I had been writing the last few days, just not the current novel I was technically supposed to be working on. Seeing someone hold that first book, and seeing that it had looked to be well loved, sparked something in me that wanted to go back to that style. Nowadays, I wrote about being swept off your feet into a whirlwind romance and that feeling of being in love. It’s not that I didn’t love that genre, I did. I was in love with love, and had been all my life. Admittedly, I was a sap, but I was worried my current book was just too perfect. I wanted them to be realistic, and I haven’t found the conflict for this couple to take on that seemed convincing.  

Now, Revival, that was a book that had been therapy to me. It followed a young girl in a small Southern town, who is trying to find the least painful and cheapest way to kill herself to get out of her terrible life. Pills were too expensive, hanging was too painful, and the possibility of surviving slitting her wrist was a chance she couldn’t take. It wasn’t until she meets Mason, a boy who is all smiles and sunshine, that she sees hope in the possibility of life. When she still tragically dies in an accident at the fault of her aunt and uncle, we see the world from her afterlife, helping Mason try to move on and cope.  

It wasn’t a best seller, but it was incredibly special to me, and the kick start to my career. A couple good reviews and a following on social media was enough to peak the interests of some companies, and when I started writing about young adult life and romance, everything took off from there.  

Hyper focused, I was analyzing my drafts, trying to find something believable on my latest book until there was a subtle thump next my laptop. The small noise made me jump a little and stopped me in my tracks.

“Chai Latte with an espresso shot, right?”

I knew that voice, and a glance up confirmed it. He came back. I tried so hard to hide the huge grin across my face, but after days of my over active imagination running through scenarios in my head about him, I couldn’t manage it. He was wearing a dark blue button down, with a patterned tie to match. His sleeves were rolled up just at his elbow, showing off his forearms and hands, which was ridiculously unfair of him. I was surprised I managed to choke out a few words.

“You are correct,” he smiled back at me as I confirmed, “but you did not have to do that. You’re very sweet.” Please stay though, I thought.  

“It’s the least I can do, I did make you wear half of yours the last time we ran into each other.”

“Well technically, you ran into me,” I said with an involuntary laugh, I glanced up to make sure he was still smiling, hoping not to scare him off with my lack of filter.

“But thank you, really. I hope I didn’t come off as rude the other day, I just had a lot on my mind. I didn’t even get your name,” I continued on.

“Spencer. Spencer Reid.”  

Fuck, I thought, that’s a cute name. I nodded, still trying to keep my cool, as much as I wrote about love and romance, I thought I personally had the flirting skills of a wet sock. Not only did I have nothing to clue me in on if he was interested, but if he had dropped a hint, I probably would have missed it. After all he could just be into modern fiction?  

“Did you want to sit?” I asked, hopeful. Now it was his turn to act nervous, he looked down at his fidgeting hands. I was worried I was making him uncomfortable.  

“Yeah actually, I’d love too.” He moved to the seat sitting across from me and I rushed to move all of my papers out of the way. I heard him chuckle at my frantic movements.  

“It’s okay,” he said, “I am not one to judge about a messy workspace.” The words calmed you down a bit.  

“I’m sorry, I just have been having a hard time getting a good solid foundation going, all of this is research.” His hands moved across the small table to gather some papers, to help me with the mess.  

“Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love,” he read aloud, “the working theory that love can be understood in three components. Passion. Intimacy. Commitment.” His eyes flickered up to me while stacking everything to the side. I had been reading so much research on love, having only getting glimpses of it here and there in my own life, I wanted to try to break it open and explore all its dimensions in order to portray it accurately.

“Have you read it?” I asked. He laughed, as if that was a silly question. It should have come across as odd, but all it made me think about was how I could listen to that laugh nonstop.  

“You could say that, I kind of know the research by heart. Are you writing a new book?”  

I nodded.  

“Why the studies? It seems odd to write a scientifically accurate romance book. I can’t imagine “your pheromones light up the temporal lobe of my brain, flooding receptors with serotonin” to be inherently sexy. I always assumed people who wrote about love just, felt it.” This time I was the one who laughed. He sounded like he was genuinely interested in my answer, as his face searched mine like he was searching for a light in the dark.  

“Brave of you to assume my temporal lobe has been affected by anyone’s pheromones Spencer. I do at times just “feel it”, and a lot of it is wishes and hopes and dreams. But sometimes I want it to be more real for people, and with my limited experience in that area, I try to dissect the psychology of it as much as I can. It’s sometimes very unromantic to write a romance.” I was expecting his face to fall, disappointed with my answer, but instead he perked up and smile even wider.  

God, he has a beautiful smile.

“I actually like that, to analyze it from that perspective. I have a degree in psychology in fact. That knowledge is a lot more powerful than you think. I can see why your books have become so popular, and how it ties in to a few of them.”  

“Oh, so you’re a psychologist?” It made sense, it fit him and his aesthetic.

“No, not really, I just have a degree in it. Technically, I have a few degrees.” His demeanor changed as he seemed to become a little self-conscious.  

“You don’t have to tell me them; I know I over share a bit and that can put pressure on others to overshare, I’m sorry.” I sat back in my chair to give him a little distance. This is why I suck at talking to people, I get weird.

“It’s not that, it’s just a little odd to some. I have bachelor’s degrees in Psychology, Sociology, and Philosophy. As well as PHD’s in Chemistry, Mathematics, and Engineering.”

I perked back up in my seat.

“Ah, so it's actually, Dr. Spencer Reid,” I smiled, “I don’t think it’s odd. I think it’s really cool. Obviously very impressive.” When I had called him doctor, his eyes shot up at me with a look in his eye I could only describe as yearning, and I had to hold back a mischievous look. That told me a lot more about him than he could have said. I felt a vibration from the table and saw his phone light up. I could tell from his face it meant our time might be ending soon. It was now or never. I couldn’t wait another week to talk to him again. It felt so natural to sit across from him, like I could sit there for hours without noticing the time. I took a deep breath and gathered my courage.

“I don’t mean to be too forward here Spencer, but would you maybe want to, uhm,” I stammered, “maybe we could do this again?” I hid my face in my hands as the words left my mouth, peaking with one eye between my fingers to see him perk up. He chuckled at my actions.  

“I would love that.”

My hands fell, effectively bringing down my hiding place. I wrote down my phone number on a piece of notebook paper and tore it out, I added my name as well, to make sure he got the proper spelling, because things like that mattered to me. I wondered if it mattered to him? Or was I just showing my oddities. I wrote something else, shielding his eyes from it, before folded the note in half, then for good measure, once more.  I slid the paper over and finally met his eyes. For a second, there was just a silence between us, just looking at the other. My breathing got deeper as his stare got to me. It was just for a moment though, as his phone started ringing to break the silence. He groaned and I nodded at him, gesturing him to take the call.  

“Reid.” He said, the person on the other end other call was talking, but I couldn’t really distinguish anything.  

“Yeah, I got it. I can meet you in 30.” He paused for the voice again before saying goodbye and looked up at me apologetically.

“Work?” I asked. He simply nodded.  

“Yeah, unfortunately I have to go. I might be gone for a few days,” he explained. He saw the curiosity almost jump out at him.

“It’s... complicated?” He answered my question before I even asked.  

“Mm, Spencer, you should know better than to make yourself a mystery to a writer. It’s just going to make me that much more eager to see you again,” I said teasingly, but my words made him blush and chuckle.  

“Text me?” I asked, my tone shifting to hopeful. He nodded furiously and stood up. Gathering his things, he leaned over and whispered in my ear.  

“You know, I’m just as eager to see you again.” I felt the air leaving my lungs, having not been prepared at all for the effect he had on me. He stood upright and smirked at me.  

“Have a good day Y/N, good luck with the research.”  

Before he left, I tried to recover from how he left me speechless. I shouted a goodbye to him as he rushed out the door, the café feeling empty as soon as he was gone. I shook my head and thought it all over. I didn’t know anything about him besides his name and that he’s incredibly smart. I never did this sort of thing either, give my number out to strangers, yearn over men I just met. I was turning into a cliché. But there was something about him that made me think it might be worth it. His smile maybe, or his eyes?  

Writing became a little easier after he left, jumping ahead in my book to write where my thoughts took me. From the romantic to the steamy, Spencer Reid would at least get me out of the hot pan with my publisher and editor.  

*Spencer’s POV*

Climbing onto the jet, I thought about how this was most I had ever disliked being on it. I wanted to talk to her for as long as possible. It was the first time I had felt like myself in a while. I loved my job, but suddenly I was faced with the fact that once again, it made making connections so hard, and I already had a hard time with them. I sat on the couch and looked at the note in my hand, I couldn’t bring myself to open it just yet. It made me so nervous.  

“Hey, kid, you good?”

“Yep.” That question was started to get quite repetitive. Even if I knew Derek Morgan just meant it genuinely.  

“What’s that?” he asked. I stopped before answering. Last time I never told anyone I had started seeing someone, and no one ever got to meet her. No one understood how I felt or how wonderful it all was. Maybe letting down a few rows of stone on the walls I had built up would be good? I could use the advice in the dating world, that’s for sure.  

“It’s a girl’s number.” Morgan looked a bit shocked, and from across the aisle saw JJ choke on her water, then try to recover. I guess it’s safe to assume they were all eavesdropping.  

“Is it that shocking?” I asked her, feeling defensive. She cleared her throat and moved closer.

“No, it's not shocking that someone likes you, not at all, it’s just interesting that you like them back.” Damn, she did have a point. It wasn’t often I noticed someone liked me, let alone reciprocated those feelings.  

“Oh.”

Morgan spoke up next.

“Yeah, I’m happy for you man, have you called her yet?” I shook my head no.

“You should call her,” he said. I sighed and stared on the paper in my hand, my head spinning.

“Well, she’s just not any girl, she’s different, and I’m just nervous around her. I’m nervous around most girls, and I don’t know how to act normal after having such a non-normal relationship with...” my voice fell flat, not being able to continue, but I didn’t have too. Everyone knew.

“Spence, what about her makes you so nervous?” JJ asked, I could her the concern in her voice.  

“It’s odd, it's just that, I’m afraid to get close to her. After... after Maeve I wasn’t okay, and that’s when I found her book, she’s an author. Not only am I going to be terrified of losing someone I like, someone I love again, but that she's perceptive, and that she could know the reason I love her writing so much is because I was just as broken as her character. So now I’m vulnerable and scared.”

Silence fell over the plane. All the agents who had been listening in did not even move. JJ was the first one to step into the silence once again.  

“Well, I’m sure that she wouldn’t have given you her number if she didn’t think you were worth getting to know. I never thought you were broken, Spencer. No one did. But, if that’s what you’re afraid of, maybe you should consider the opposite. If she was the one writing about a broken character, maybe she herself knows what it feels like to be broken.”

I guess a part of me knew that. That maybe she could understand more than most could. It was clouded by the fact I didn’t want my emotional baggage to cast a shadow on how she made me feel, as selfish as it was.

“Don’t be nervous,” Derek said, “take the leap.”

I nodded at him and pulled out my phone. I finally opened to read what she had written alongside her number.

I’m excited to get to know you Spencer Reid. You intrigue me as much as one can. As you can imagine, words mean a lot to me. Here are some of my favorites.  

“We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed with the windows open and the stars bright.” A Moveable Feast, Ernest Hemingway.

*Y/N’s POV*

The sound of my phone ringing woke me up from a light sleep. Groaning I looked over to see it was a little past 2 am. With a rolling of my eyes I answered.

“Hello?” I mumbled,

“Y/N?” His voice made me sit straight up in bed, my tone a lot more chipper now

“Spencer?”

“Yeah, hi, I wanted to call you and give you my number. I didn’t really take into account how late it was.”  He stammered.

“Ah so you’re a “I’ll call you” and then actually calls kind of guy huh.” I laughed lightly. Turning on my speaker, I added his number to a new contact.  

“Kind of, are you a text only kind of gal?”  

“Yes. Very much so, I like to be able to obsess over what I’m saying in order to make sure it’s perfect before sending it and second guessing it all. “

He busted out a laugh.

“Sounds stressful.”

“You have no idea.” I said sighing, but still there was a smile in my voice.

There was a pause between us, and it was heavy, but not awkward. It was almost as if we were both testing the waters of this new flirtation. Spencer was the one to speak first.

“You know, that quote is now one of my favorites.”  

I blushed; thankful he couldn’t see.

“Really? I’m glad, I was worried it was too cheesy.”

“Not at all, it made me smile. I like smiling. It’s nice to be happy like this.” While the sentiment was sweet, there was a sadness behind his words. I wanted to know why that sadness resided there.

“I like your smile.” I didn’t push too much, not just yet, and decided to change the subject, “Where are you in the world tonight Dr. Reid?”

“Washington State. Once again, I’m sorry about how late it is on the East Coast.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t have much to do in the morning.”

“What about this Saturday?”

Oh my god is this happening?

“Free as a bird.” Extremely proud I didn’t sound crazy.

“Would I be able to steal some of your time away on a date?”

Stop. Time stopped for a second and my heart pounded.

“I truly would like nothing more. Did you have something in mind?”  

“I do, but I think I would like to keep it a surprise, is that okay?” He said with hope in his voice.  

I nodded, but then realized I had to use my voice, which I could not find at the moment.  

“As long as you tell me the vibe so I can dress appropriately, we are golden Spencer Reid.” The way his name sounded would never get old. He laughed a little.

“The vibe, got it, I definitely will.”  I could hear the laugh in his words.

We talked for a bit more, before I remembered once again something I had yet to learn about him.

“You know, you never really told me what you do. Just your degrees.”

This time the pause that came seemed cold.

“Oh, yeah. I’m an FBI agent. Specifically, for a behavioral analysis unit.”

He didn’t seem to inept to tell me, but I tried to play off his change in tone.

“That literally is the coolest thing I have ever heard. I’m almost positive you have walked off the pages of a book. Are you sure you are real?”  

It worked; I could hear him give a slight chuckle.

“Why yes, I do believe I am a real boy, Y/N.”

You might love to say his name, but my name on his lips didn’t sound too bad either.

“Hm, you’re lucky I can’t see your nose to verify.” I said followed by a yawn. I cursed slightly as my body showed how tired I had grown. I wasn’t ready to sleep, but he definitely noticed.

“You should sleep, can I text you tomorrow?”

I sighed, but it was late where he was too, so I gave in.

“Of course. Goodnight Spencer. Please stay safe.”  

“You too Y/N. Sweet dreams.”

I smiled and said goodnight one last time before hanging up. I stared at my phone for a second before falling back into my pillows.  

Five days until our first date.

That night, I fell into dreams about Spencer, butterflies in my stomach and a smile on my face.

___________________________________

Taglist: @/eu-solidao @/andiebeaword

Part Three being written!!

[randomwriting-misc]

They Called Me The Gorgon | Chapter Three

Chapter One | Chapter Two 

Hi guys! Please be aware this is a chapter that the CW warnings start to take effect. I'm never going to go into graphic detail about any SA trauma, but it is referenced in the 1973 portion of this chapter, and she is vaguely referencing the torture from Hydra towards the end.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: For referenced r@pe/non-con/sexual assault and medical trauma. Also referencing her torture in Hydra.- rwm

Why Did It Have To Be Me?

1973   

There’s a moment, right when I wake up, where everything is still and calm. It’s a moment in between consciousness, where I forget everything. I forget the last few months, and I expect to open my eyes, wrapped up in blankets, listening to my mom and dad make breakfast downstairs, music playing on a Sunday morning.  

Then there’s the moment of realization. The one where the pain starts to set in, my veins feel like they are on fire, and everything aches. No matter how much sleep I get, I am exhausted.  

The reality I’m met with is soul-crushing. Tears seem to permanently stream down my face as every day they try to break me.  

The tears are the only reaction I give, largely because it’s involuntary.    

New chemicals pumped into my body make me seize, questions about my parents' connections to political figures, questions about my own connections and influences, electricity pulsed through my body, it’s just an endless cycle every day.    

I wonder why they don’t just kill me, and I especially wonder how I’m not already dead. Is it because my parents are doing what they want?    

I know I’ll probably never see them again.    

The only way to survive is to be numb. Block out their faces and their words. If I don’t hear them, I can’t talk back. Talking back has consequences. Severe consequences.    

Sometimes when I wake up, I don’t even get my moment of peace. I get the weight of a soldier, an agent, a doctor, on top of me. I’m never able to fight and I learned quickly screaming does nothing but make it worse.    

I don’t feel like a human, I don’t feel like myself. I am just a shell, and I can tell my usefulness will come to an end one day.    

They start to put me in what looks like a metal coffin, and I’m always cold. The kind of cold that goes down to your bones and never fades.    

Pieces of my memory fall away. I can’t remember how I got here. The older soldier that I spend the most time with, I don’t know his name. I know he gets mad easily. I don’t like to make him mad.    

Sometimes they let me free of the restraints, but only to fight. Do they want me to fight? It confuses me.  

I know I’m dissociating, but I can’t find it in me to care.    

Days go by, same routine, same torture, same pain.

Until the day the blue box came.    

2015

Neither Tony nor Steve answers me, and I feel like there’s electricity in the air.  

“Seriously, what is it?” I ask.    

Tony steps forward, and I notice he looks nervous.    

“Why don’t we take some deep breathes, and then we can talk.”  

“Deep breathes? What are you talk-” I’m interrupted by Tony, who holds up a small rectangle, and in that, I see my reflection? The entirety of my eyes is blue and glowing, lines of what looks like lightning move across them. I gasp and look down at my hands, where small blue sparks appear at my fingertips, I retreat into my mind. My body goes numb, this isn’t me. This is her.  

Steve tries to get my attention, and slowly reaches out to me. Before he can touch me, I’m gone. I shut my eyes close and once again I’m behind the door in the room I was just in. I quickly lock it and sink to the floor.  

“What the fuck.” Tony exclaims.  

“We cannot have lost an amnesiac human test subject, there is no way to spin that in a good way.”    

“Tony, shush,” Steve says.  

“She just TELEPORTED, Steve.”  

Knock, knock, knock.    

He found me.    

“Go away please,” I whisper.  

“It’s okay, we didn’t mean to freak you out.”  

“You didn’t want to tell me what happened to me.”    

“No, you deserve to know it all. I personally promise we will show you everything we found. If it gets to be too much we can stop, but only then.”  

“I don’t know how I did that. I don’t want to be forced anywhere else.”    

“You won’t be. We’ve seen a lot that’s a little out of this world. It’ll be okay.”    

Tony laughs under his breath.    

“Capsicles got jokes, great,” he mumbles and then speaks louder. “Listen, I’m sorry Blue. Come out and we start going through things until we can get a doctor here.”  

I hear a thud and Tony quietly saying ‘ow’.  

The electricity is gone, and there’s no blue lightning to be seen. Slowly, I unlock the door and step out. I look straight at Tony.  

“Blue?” I question. He just shrugs.    

“It fits better than Sparky.”  

“I... think I like it?”  

“Well, I haven't found your original file yet with your real name. It’ll work for now.” He smiles at me, and I force a smile back.    

“Let’s get started.”    

We enter Tony’s lab, as Steve refers it, but I’ve never seen technology like this. In the middle, there is a straight-up hologram.  

“I feel like I’ve walked into an episode of Star Trek.” Tony scoffs at that.    

“Please, I prefer Star Wars.”  

“I don’t know what that is, but whatever you say, Captain Kirk.” I ignore his shocked eyes and walk around, soaking it all in and trying to decipher what’s in the room. I know Steve’s eyes are following me, tentatively watching my movements. I make my way back to his side.  

“I won’t do it again. I’m sorry.”  I say quietly, I don’t want to make anyone mad here.  

He shakes his head, incredulous.    

“No, oh, no you don’t need to apologize, never apologize for that. I just can’t help but feel worried about all this.” He gestures around.  

“Don’t be. I’ve lived through it once, and I think I understand the gist of what happened,” I look to him, “I need to know for sure. It’s all in pieces, but I know it wasn’t good.”    

Tony pulls up the files, there's tons of video footage and medical records, my name isn’t on anything.    

“Did they call you something that you remember?” Tony asks.    

“Darling, sweetheart, Test Subject, bitch, whore, Gorgon,” I deadpan.    

They both tense.  

“Sorry, when I remember things, they just sort of come out. I think maybe I use to be pretty straightforward.”  

It falls into silence as we go through the files, and I’m proud to say I take to the hologram pretty well.  

The information I find is another story.    

It feels like something happening to another person. Super soldier serum to test the limits of how far they could push me. Countless near-death experiences where they had to pump me full of chemicals to bring me back. The Cryo Tank, preserving me. Tony found that they used what they learned on me in other interrogations, almost killing people and bringing them back for more information. Steve found that they used multiple different super-soldier serums on me to test them before giving them to their soldiers.    

I find that my parents are dead. That’s what they were holding over me, but my brain was so fried they didn’t think I even remembered. Tears fall down my face, but I push through and wipe them away before Steve can notice. I don’t look at the videos. It makes it real to see my face attached to this torture.  

Finally, we find a file we think is about who I was before, it’s labeled “Prior Recon 1971-72” and it has my picture as the first download. Tony steps aside to let me open the rest.    

“I don’t think I’m ready,” I say, “Whoever that girl was, I don’t feel like her. She has no one and honestly, she probably died a long time ago.”    

Steve suggests we put it on a USB, and I can open it when I’m ready.    

“What should we call you then? The Gorgon doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.”    

I have to think about it for a minute, I remember my dad use to call me Sunshine, but I can’t remember anything that feels right.  

“Blue is fine. Like you said, it’s better than Sparky.”  

That earns me a laugh from Tony.    

A voice suddenly interrupts from the ceiling, and I hate it. I feel the electricity around me again.    

“Sir, Bruce Banner has arrived, and Helen Cho’s flight will be here shortly.”  

I get a flash of another bodiless voice, and it throws me into memories I do not want. Steve rushes to my side as soon as my breathing quickens.  

“Hey, hey, hey, you’re okay. That’s JARVIS,” he whispers, “He’s friendly and artificial intelligence.”  

I nod and grab onto the table.  

“I don’t think I’ve been out of the freezer this long in a really long time. My head hurts.” I feel dizzy, and I reached out to hold on to something. I feel Steve’s forearm underneath my palm as I try to steady myself. My vision blurs and it feels like my brain is being stabbed. My legs buckle and before I hit the ground, Steve catches me behind the knees and lifts me up.  

When I finally wake up, I’m in a hospital bed, and I recognize the Tower around me. I must have been unconscious for the doctors, it’s dark and still out now.  

Honestly, that’s probably for the best, I think. If I couldn’t handle a voice, I don’t want to know how I would have reacted to medical treatments. There’s an IV in my arm, and I just know that would have been a nightmare. There’s a monitor for my heart rate and a blanket over my legs. I notice that I have a medical gown on and my chest tightens.  

“Mornin’.”  

I jump. I didn’t notice Steve sitting in a chair in the room with me.  

“Oh, hi.” I pull the blanket up to my chest and tried to sink into the bed. He smiles gently.  

“I wanted to wait for you to wake up. So you weren’t alone, and someone could tell you what happened.”  

I nod, and he leans forward, elbows on his knees.  

“You were in the Cryostasis for a really long time. Doctor Cho estimates probably five years at least. As much as it kept you alive you were severely dehydrated and real food didn’t look like it was a priority for Hydra. The super-soldier serum was the only thing keeping you standing. We had you stabilized by the time the doctor was here, but your heart started palpitating. She had to cut through your shirt to get the heart monitors and plates on you.”  

Well, at least it was a woman, I think. It brings me small comfort.  

“You know, the term super soldier is a little laughable.” I let out a deep breath.  

“How?”  

“I’m not exactly soldier material, in fact, I’m pretty sure I hated the system.”  

Steve smiles.  

“Well, we can think of something else.”  

A comfortable silence fills the room. Steve walks over to the bed, and he hands me a notebook.  

“This is a little embarrassing but, these are some notes I have on the “modern world.” He says sheepishly.  

“It was really hard for me to process and acclimate to it all, you’re already handling it a lot better than I did. I figured maybe it could help a bit. Lots has happened in the last few decades.”  

Something about the way he talks makes me smile, and this is the first ask of genuine kindness I have experienced in who knows how long. I hold the notebook close to my chest, scared that if I let it go this moment will fall away.  

“Thank you. Really.”  

He nods and goes back to the chair, looking through files and paperwork. I didn’t expect him to stay, in fact I thought he would be itchy to leave, but as I start to go through the book, I see he still hasn’t gone to leave.  

Steve Rogers stayed by my side all night long.  

Hi again, 

Please let me know what you you guys prefer, to keep her name unknown and ambiguous and use nicknames, or to give her a name? 

Let me know! I see the value in both. :) 

-rwm

Taglist: @ginger-swag-rapunzel

Read Chapter Four here

[randomwriting-misc]

Spilled Tea and Dry Eyes | Spencer Reid

Author’s Note: Hi! This is the first part in a little series I’m writing. It was originally an original story, but Spencer and the BAU tied really well into the narrative, so I changed it up to fit into the Criminal Minds world. Part Two should be up super soon! (it’s being edited actually) I really like fanfiction series where there’s an established background and arc, so this is just the base for that. There will be lots of fluff, angst, and possible smut? Part two will be longer.

Spencer x Fem!Reader

Summary: A novelist that feels lost in her writing comes across Spencer Reid, who’s original work holds a special place in his heart, inspiring a light in both of them. With a budding romance fit for one of her books, will Spencer and her make it to the happy ending?

CW: Allusion to being under the influence unwillingly in prologue (In italics below)

Word Count: 1,663 words

_____________________________________________________

Wandering around the streets in the middle of the night was not where I thought would be right now. The traffic and streets blurring and swirling around me in a haze making it impossible to distinguish really anything.  The smallest noise amplified in my head, pounding against my skull.  

“Heh--help,” I choked out, my hands finding a wall to grip on to, to save my failing balance. Where was he? Where was Spencer. I struggled to call out his name before a pair of arms grabbed my waist, and everything went black. 

Part One: Meet Cute

The smell of coffee and background noise of the busy café was a welcome comfort, as the idea of being around other people made me feel productive, and I definitely needed that with the pile of background research glaring back at me. I sat back in the chair, sighing and staring at the blinking cursor on the laptop screen. It was like a taunt. Each blink brought me one second closer to my deadline.  

“Medium chai latte with a shot!” shouted a barista from the counter, bringing me back to reality for a second. I sighed in relief and went to get the order, hoping the caffeine would give me the will to throw some words up on the page. Grabbing the cup, I turned around and starting walking across the room when someone ran into straight into my shoulder, spilling hot liquid right on my chest.

“Mother fucker” I grumbled out, the burning liquid turning my collar bones red from the heat.

“I am so sorry,” said the stranger, “I wasn’t paying attention, I- I got distracted, I was reading and I read pretty fast so I had to turn the page and...” He rambled on, frantically handing me napkins, I looked up to see a tall man with shaggy brown hair standing in front of me. He had kind golden eyes, and lightly tanned skin with stubble dusted across his face. Dressed like an English TA, the concern on his face made him very charming. If I hadn’t been mildly upset about the latte and possible first-degree burns, I would have been taken a back with how cute he was.  

“It’s fine.” I waved it off, “I’m sure I will survive.” With an ironic chuckle, I finished wiping off my hand where some had also spilled. This pretty much described how my week was going. This time when I looked up at him, our eyes met, and his widened slightly when recognition came over him.

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N.”  

My head jerked back and my forehead scrunched up in surprise, “Oh, uh, yeah, I am. I’m sorry, I don’t know your name, have we met before?” He shook his head, a blush starting to creep up on his face, and lifted his hand to show me the book in his hand. I noticed it was a little worn and torn from more than a few reads, which made me smile a little.

“Um, no, but the book I was reading, the one that distracted me, it’s... it’s your book.” Smiling shyly, he showed me the cover, it was indeed mine, my first book to be specific. I was suddenly very aware of myself, from how I was standing, what I was wearing, how my hair looked. I immediately was regretting my choice of such casual wear, and stood a little straighter. My PR persona started to creep up on me.  

“Thank you,” I said getting flustered, “Not many people know notice authors by appearance, I’m surprised.” I knew he could see that I was blushing, and he went to speak again, right when my phone decided to start ringing. Lovely, I thought, disappointed for the break of eye contact with the man. I was even more embarrassed now as my ringtone was the main theme from The Hobbit. Pulling it out of my pocket, I groaned and rolled my eyes at the name popping up on the screen.

“My editor,” I paused, I was considering letting it go to voicemail, but with a sigh I looked back him, “I should probably take this, I’m sorry, it was nice to meet you though. Minus the hot tea burn. It makes me happy you like the book, it’s not my most popular.” I laughed, albeit a little sadly.  

“Yeah of course, I understand. Once again, I’m very sorry.” I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but I swear I heard something in his tone change. Maybe he didn’t want to walk away either?

Smiling, I gave him a little head nod, signaling that it was okay. I answered the phone with a hello, and waved goodbye to the man. I could feel his eyes on me when I sat down, then down at the book in his hand, then back at me. Hearing my editor anxiously ask about where my chapters were, I missed him leaving the coffee shop before I could hang up and talk to him again.  

--------------------------------------------------------

*Spencer’s POV*

My mind was reeling as I was making my way to my desk, setting down my bag, I held the book in my hands. I forgot all about my original plan, which was to get coffee, because all I could think about was talking to her and this book. Titled Revival, it was one of the first books that made me smile after last year. It had made me cry as well, almost everything made me cry, but the smile, I had been worried I forgot what was it was like to smile.

“Hey, Spencer!” Penelope called as she walked into the office, “Did you get the coffee?”  

A heavy sigh escaped me, “No, I’m sorry, I got um... distracted.” The way I spoke, my voice raising higher at the end of the sentence, made the tech analyst raise her eyebrows at me, alarmed.

“Distracted? What? Why? Is everything okay? Are you okay?” The questions continued to rattle off as I shook my head furiously, wide eyed.

“Hey, yes, yes. I am okay,” this was enough for her to calm her voice, and her face said she needed to know more, so I continued with an exhale, “I just met an author and I really enjoy and I was awkward. I was reading her book and ran into her, spilling her drink on her, because I’m an idiot. What are the statistics of that happening? Am I just more prone to these situations?” Saying out loud made me cringe, reliving how awkward it felt to try to talk to her. Penelope looked at the book in my hand.

“Wait, you met Y/N Y/L/N? I. Love. Her. Her books make me feel things all sappy like in my heart! You’ve read them?” she asked me, a little skeptical. I nodded, feeling a little bit more embarrassed.  

“I know I'm not the targeted demographic of most of her literature considering I’m not a woman in my mid-twenties to mid-thirties, but her first book is a little different than her newest work. I have read the others out of curiosity.”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll be okay. If anything, you’re made a pretty memorable impression, I wouldn’t let it bother you too much. It’s like meeting a celebrity.”  

At that moment, Agent Aaron Hotchner called for everyone to meet, probably for another case. I tried to shake this morning from my mind, but it wasn’t easy. I had so much I wanted to say to her, about the book and how much the story resonated. How it helped me through so much, she had probably heard it all before, but still. What I hadn’t expected was this, not just because the meeting was nothing short of comical, but because I was caught off guard by her.  

I always knew I admired her mind, the way she wrote gave away how intelligent she was, and her emotional intelligence spoke to me in ways I didn’t fully understand how. When I met her eyes, I felt like the same way I did when I first read her book, hopeful. She was stunning in every way. The way her hair fell from the bun on her head, the romper she was wearing had framed her so well I was a little shocked at the thoughts that raced into my mind. Not to mention the little half smile she gave me almost knocked me over completely. The little author portrait on the inside of her books did nothing to convey all she was.  

Hotch’s voice snapped me out of the thoughts, announcing that we would be leaving in thirty minutes. It looked like I would have a few days to let it all fade away, or a few days to obsess over it and spin down into a spiral of second guessing.

*Y/N’s POV*

I slammed my laptop shut with a large grin across my face. Whispering a “yes!” under my breath, I stretched out my hands and fingers, which had begun to cramp about thirty minutes ago. Four hours and two chapters down, I had finally been able to send something to my editor and manager. I had been so preoccupied with the stress of getting through writer’s block that my mind hadn’t let me think about anything else. Now that I had finally pressed send on that email, I started to think about this morning’s encounter.

I hope I wasn’t rude, I thought. Should I have asked him if he wanted me to sign his book? No that’s so weird. I shouldn’t have left so abruptly though. Not many people know who I am in real life, let alone know that first book. I should have gotten his name, maybe asked him to sit? I chewed on my lip thinking it all over. He was cute, I knew that. Cute and not completely out of my age range. What was a little spilled tea over a hot guy who liked to read? I stifled a smile, my team would eat that up, place a cover on it, and have it out by Christmas. Looking around, I noticed all the offices and buildings around the shop, maybe he worked around here? I groaned and put my head in my hands when I realized I hadn’t even asked him his name; he probably hates me now.

I didn’t know exactly when I made the decision to try to see him again, but once the thought entered my mind, all I could do from going home and sleeping to get to tomorrow, was to buy another latte, two shots this time.  

Part Two

[randomwriting-misc]

They Called Me The Gorgon  | Chapter Five

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four

We are spending some time with Steve in this unfortunately short chapter, but I’ve hit a writing streak so fingers crossed for more chapters within the week

Ball of Confusion (That’s What The World Is Today)

2015 – Steve Rogers  

Midnight was fast approaching, but new Hydra information had surfaced from more interrogations, and we had yet to finish going through what we found on the island. Tony was taking on the new information while I sorted through the non-Gorgon-related files from the island. We stood on opposite sides of one of the labs, holograms and computer screens lit up the room.  

Tony and I had to stop looking over the files with information about The Gorgon, letting JARVIS take over. The videos were graphic, and the rhetoric used by a “Doctor Muller” in the written reports was stomach-churning. It left us speechless, and we both ended up having to walk away at several points. Us finding her alive was honestly nothing short of a miracle.  

“Do either of you ever sleep?” Sam questioned as he entered the room. We both reply at the same time.    

“Not really,” I stated        

“I’m above sleep,” Tony says, which makes Sam laugh. He takes a turn about the room before settling next to me. Printed files were creating organized chaos on the table in front of me.  

“Anything about our missing person?”  

I shake my head, “No, not yet, but pretty detailed information about how they infiltrated SHIELD and other governments through the world. They really gained a lot of traction in the sixties and seventies.”  

He made a noncommittal noise, before lowering his voice.    

“I’ve been able to at least confirm he’s not in the country.”    

“Makes sense, he would be less noticeable somewhere else,” I sigh involuntarily, “It seems hopeless at times.” Sam claps a hand on my shoulder.    

“Don’t think like that, we just found another person who survived Hydra man, and she’s getting better every day with the help of a good team of doctors. She even remembers some of her old life. He will too, don’t worry.”    

Throwing the file in my hand back down, I turn and lean against the table.    

“I know, it’s just the more I learn about what happened to her, the more I feel like I failed. I failed to stop Hydra during the war, failed to save Bucky... because of that failure they both went through unimaginable things.”    

“You know that’s not a productive way to think, you can’t put that on yourself. Maybe you should let me handle the search for Bucky. Focus on the good things for a while. We found someone, alive, after months of combing through death and destruction, and we are helping her. You certainly seem to be helping her the most.” He smirks.    

I give him a look.    

“Oh please, don’t act like you aren’t personally invested. I know you. You’re a bleeding heart and I see the looks you give her. You care about her.”    

“Of course, I care, she’s been through atrocities. But she’s a kid.”  

“Uh, no. She is at least 65.”    

“She was held captive for 43 years of that.”    

“You were frozen for 70 years of your life. I say it even things out.”    

“It’s inappropriate.”      

That makes him take a pause, taking the time to form his next words carefully, “Listen, she’s been through a lot. She talks to me about some of it, ya know. Let’s just be glad JARVIS is going through the footage and not us because I could barely handle listening to what she remembered.” He looks down and shakes his head a little.  

“I’m just saying, let yourself care. You’ve made the connection whether you like it or not. Don’t take it away from her. Don’t take it away from yourself. Let me handle Bucky, for now.”    

The sadness in his eyes resigns me to agree, but not without rolling my eyes.  

“Besides, you are probably the most equipped to handle the shock of being thrust into the future. I’m not sure how to explain things like how the Women’s Liberation Movement she was fighting so hard for never passed. You know she’s been arrested multiple times, just that she can remember?”  I laugh.  

“I’m not surprised. Yeah, I’m not looking forward to that conversation.”    

______________________________________________________

That conversation was in fact, not going well.        

“You mean to tell me that the E.R.A. was NEVER RATIFIED?” She shrieked in an octave I had never heard from her before. Her eyes were wide, and a hand rested over her mouth in shock. She paced across the floor of the common room, noticeably flustered.    

“Will it be any consolation to know that Roe v. Wade verdict was a win?” Sam interjected.  

I had never seen her this worked up, not in an “I’m about to blow up the electricity way.” It was more like we were getting a preview of Life Before Hydra.    

“I know that the movement needed structure but Jesus, the ERA was just... the bare minimum.”  

She gasped like she suddenly remembered something.    

“I remember Hydra saying something, about my parents. Being too disruptive. I was targeted for this and it just... didn’t matter?”    

I gave her an incredulous look.    

“A lot has happened in the decades after that. Trust me, it did matter. We should do some history crash courses, it helped me a lot.”    

“And also, some technology crash courses because I gotta get you a cell phone hun, you will thank me for it,” Sam added.    

She nodded, chewing on the inside of her cheek before locking eyes with me.    

“It’s been a week since the med bay incident, and I think I’ve started feeling more in control. I was talking to the doctors and therapist about starting to work out what exactly was done to me, in terms of enhancement,” she paused and took a deep breath.  

“I want to train and see if any of the experiments stuck. Besides the scary blue eye thing.”    

“We could probably find some of that out from the files off the island,” I spoke.  

She shook her head furiously.  

“I would rather do it on my own. You can continue to look through the files. But I’ve started to remember enough that I don’t want to see it from a third-hand perspective as well as reliving it. I trust that if it’s important, you will tell me.”  

There was a pause, “I also am remembering who I am a lot lately, before it all. I don’t think I would have gone down without a fight; I want that back.”  

I can’t seem to find a reply that feels adequate, but thankfully I don’t have to. Sam elbows me and starts talking to get her attention.  

“Well, it seems like this is a great time to introduce you to Nat.”    

_________________________________________________________

“Play nice.”      

“I’m always nice,” Nat says mocking offense. I roll my eyes.

“You know what I mean.”  

She threw her hands up in surrender. We were in the training room, waiting for her and Sam to come downstairs.  

“I’m not a heartless bitch Steve, I’m here to help.”  

“It’s not you,” Tony interrupted from the treadmill, “Cap’s got a soft spot for the new girl.”  

“I do not.”  

“You so do,” Nat said, “I can already tell.” She smirked and hopped onto the bench.  

“How wou-” I’m cut off by the doors opening. I glare at them both, giving a silent warning.  

Nat smiles and walks up to her.      

“Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Natasha.”  

Taking Natasha’s outstretched hand in her own, she shakes it and smiles.  

Then, she replies with her name, and everyone in the room freezes, including her.  

“That’s the first time I’ve remembered that.” She said.  

Taglist: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @bennibabie

[randomwriting-misc]

All I Want is Nothing More

Author Note: So I’m obsessed with Law and Order; SVU and Sonny Carisi gave me inspiration to write for once. This is a dark imagine for sure. And it’s kind of a draft, so thoughts and feedback always appreciated! 

Summary: Sonny has a hard time introducing you to the people in his life, but one night after realizing how suddenly you could possibly lose someone, you both understand how much you mean to the other. 

Words: 2,030

Warnings: semi detailed description of assault, blood, and mentions of rape

(Just for correct math sake, Sonny is assumed to be 32ish)

—————————————————————————————————

Detective Sonny Carrisi Jr. was a wonderfully complicated man. He was everything you had ever looked for in a relationship. The two of you spent a majority of your days together in a honeymooner’s bliss. Though as much as you had included him in your own life, he always seemed to blocked you out of his. He went out with all your friends, he had become friendly with your siblings, and had even attended many work parties with you. He smiled proudly as your bosses told him about how much of an asset you were to them.  

“That’s my girl,’ he had whispered and kissed your temple.  

It had been hard for you to gain confidence to bring him so close to you. Sonny was older than you by almost nine years. While you two never thought much of the age difference, people around you both would speculate. You thought it was the reason he guarded you from his life.

“Sonny, I feel like I’m the only one in this relationship who wants to progress! I’ve never met anyone close to you, and you’re so integrated into my life.” You two never fought, not like this. You were legitimately hurt about his actions.  

“It’s too soon okay. My life surrounds work, and I don’t want you to be exposed to the things we see. You’re too…” His voice faltered, his blue eyes looking down on you.  

“What? I’m too what Sonny? Too young? I am not a child that needs to be protected.”

“I know that y/n. I do. That’s not what I meant.” His tone was stoic, like he was tired of this conversation already.  

“Then it must be something. Am I too embarrassing? Maybe I’m too loud, or… or maybe this doesn’t mean anything more to you than a few months of fucking.” Your voice was cracking, betraying you as you tried to stand your ground.

That break in voice subsequently broke Sonny’s heart. He watched as you got up to grab your coat and leave, tears welled up in your eyes. Despite his protests and pleads, you walked out of his apartment. All you wanted was to feel like you were more than a young girl he was using.  

It was late, even by a city standard. The streets were bare and cold, and you had walked for an hour, not wanting to return home. Tears were clouding were visions as you realized you had no idea where you were. There was a growing heavy weight in your chest. It was an all too familiar feeling of panic and anxiety rushing towards you. It hurt to breathe through the tears and you desperately looked around for anything familiar. There was nothing. The nothingness started to consume you, before a gruff voice shocked you back to reality by grabbing you from behind. You let out a small scream.

“Shhh. What are you doing?’” the man asked, grabbing onto your shoulders.

“N-nothing. Just w-walking,” you stuttered, trying to shake his grip to run  

“A pretty little thing like you shouldn’t be out here alone baby. Let me help you,” he said pinning your arms behind your back. Before you could scream again, he held a knife to your neck.  

“Awh honey, don’t run try to run away. There’s dangerous men around these parts. You could get hurt.” You whimpered out a plea for him to let you go, but he just laughed,  

“Now don’t say a word. It will be the last sound you ever make,” the man growled at you. Sobs shook your body as you thought about Sonny, and how you wanted nothing more than to be at his place, with his arms around you and protecting you. The man dragged you into an alley by your hair. You couldn’t stop crying during the horrible actions following. The crying became too loud and your attacked was angry, annoying him to the point of violence. The last thing you remember was pleading for Sonny before your head hit a brick wall harshly.  

Red and blue flashing lights were all you could make out when you barely opened your eyes. The sun was just beginning to rise and people surrounded you.  

“She’s alive!” Someone yelled.

“What?” Appeared another voice.  

“She’s alive Detective Benson, and awake.”

You couldn’t see more than just light, and you were gasping for air, trying to reach out for help.  

“Hi honey,” said a calming woman’s voice. “We have an ambulance on the way okay? Stay with me sweetie.” The pain all over body was too much to bare, and you started crying once more. The woman yelled for someone to see how far away the ambulance team was.

“What’s your name honey? Tell us your name.” She asked. The pain was piercing through your body, and you could feel the darkness start to take over once again. You only manage to hoarsely whisper out a few words to the people around you.

“Call Sonny Carisi…please.”

———————————————————————————————–

At 6:30 that morning, Sonny heard pounding on his door.

“Carisi! Open up!” He knew that voice. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked haggard from staying up all night, worried about y/n. He had called and texted dozens of times to no answers. He sighed and rushed to the door.  

“Lieutenant?” He questioned as Olivia walked through his door.  

“We need to talk.”  

“Yeah, of course. What’s wrong.”  

Olivia stopped to look at him, her expression changing. She has looked nervous before, now she was deadly serious.  

“Sonny, I need you to tell me the absolute truth here. This morning we got a call saying a young woman had been beaten and raped in an alley a few miles away from here. She was barely conscious at the scene.” She was pleading with him, “The few moments of consciousness she had, she named you. She said to call Sonny Carisi. Why would she say that?” He looked at her in shock.

“You think I hurt someone?” Olivia pulled out her phone and showed him a picture of you, battered and bruised. Sonny gasped and grabbed her phone, unable to look away from the photo.

“Who is she Carisi?” She asked. Sonny could barely speak, overcome with rage and regret.  

“She’s uhm, she’s my girlfriend Olivia. We’ve been dating for a while actually. That’s why she said my name. She knows I work in SVU. What happened? Is she…” He couldn’t bring himself to ask the question, his voice was almost to shaky to get through his sentence. Tears welled up in his eyes at the thought. You couldn’t be gone. Not now, not after that fight.

“She’s alive,” Olivia said, her tone softening, “She’s in really bad shape Sonny. You need to get to the hospital.” He nodded and rushed out of the door. He was going to kill whoever had done this to you.  

———————————————————————————————–

You had wanted to meet the people that were apart of Sonny’s life. You desperately wanted to be included.

You did not want to meet them like this.  

When you came to in the hospital, the doctors introduced you to two detectives. Detective Rollins and Tutuola. They asked if you were okay to answer a few questions and you nodded, not ready to trust your voice. You were told they were from SVU, meaning the might know Sonny. You were not ready to mention his name just yet.

“Okay y/n, can you tell us where you were doing before the attack? What lead up to it.” Said Rollins. Your voice was shaky and quiet, but you managed to speak.

“I was at my boyfriend’s house. We had gotten into an argument and I was upset. So, I walked out. It was stupid and it was late but I was crying and I didn’t want to go home, so I walked. After a while I didn’t know where I was anymore, and someone grabbed me from behind.” You paused, tears falling down your face, “He, uhm, he put a knife to my neck after I tried to get away. He said if I said anything it would be the last thing I said.” Sobs broke out, shaking your chest. Rollins came over and placed a hand on your shoulder.  

“It’s okay. Take your time honey.” She said. You took a deep breath.

“I couldn’t stop crying. He cut my jeans off and my underwear before he…” You closed your eyes shut tight, “He raped me. He kept telling me to shut up but I couldn’t so he started beating me. The last thing I remember was him slamming my head against a wall.”

The detectives looked distraught, apologizing to you. Detective Tutuola stepped forward.  

“y/n can you tell us the name of your boyfriend and his address?” He asked. You took a deep breath and looked down at your hands,  

“His name is Dominick Carisi Jr.” You glanced up briefly to see their reactions. They were wide eyed and looked at each other.  

“Can you call him please. I really need to see him.” You whispered. They assured you they would contact him.  

——————————————————————————————-

As Amanda and Finn left the hospital room, Amanda looked back and sighed.  

“Sonny never mentioned a girlfriend to anyone,” she said.  

“That doesn’t mean anything. When has he ever talked about his romantic life on the job?” Finn replied. Amanda shrugged,

“You’re right. She’s a little young for him though don’t you think?” Finn shook his head at her.  

“I don’t think we should worry about that,” he said, “I think we should worry about how Sonny is going to react to this. He’s going to blame himself and then want to kill whoever did this to her.”  

At that moment, Sonny came running around the corner frantically. He saw Finn and Amanda and ran up to them.

“Where is she?”  

“Room 235.” Amanda said.  

“What did the doctor say?”

“She has a few broken ribs and deep cuts along her thighs and torso. Her face was bruised pretty badly and she has a concussion. She has a small skull fracture and a lot of bleeding. They say she’ll be here for a while.” Finn said. Before they could even try to ask him more questions. He took off to find you.  

You were laying down in the hospital bed, closing your eyes. The lights hurt. Everything hurt. It wasn’t until you heard loud footsteps running into the room that you looked up. Sonny had burst through the doorway and was staring at you, tears in his eyes.  

“Oh my god.” He said softly. “Carissima… I’m so sorry.” He walked towards you and sat at the very edge of the bed, worried any sudden movements would break you even more than you already were. Both of you were crying.

“No, it’s not your fault baby.” You reached out for him but flinched, unable to move much. Sonny saw this and let out and exasperated sigh. He wanted nothing more than to hold you in his lap and make the pain go away, but for now his settled for moving closer to you and grabbing your hand gently.  

“It is my fault. I should have never made you feel like you weren’t meaningful to me. You are the most meaningful person in my life. I love you. If I had shown that you wouldn’t be here suffering.” You shook your head at him.  

“I love you so much Sonny. All I could think about was that I didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t want that fight to be the last memory I had of you.”

“You don’t have to worry doll. I will never leave you, okay? I’m going to protect you and find this sick bastard.” Sonny reached out and caressed your face, “I promise no one will ever hurt you again.” You weakly smiled through your tears and then pain. Sonny leaned over and kissed you on the forehead. No matter what happened, you trusted that Sonny loved you and would be there for you.  

[randomwriting-misc]

Be Sad - Spencer Reid

Author’s Note: I am personally going through a difficult breakup, and so in the midst of my anger and sadness, I wrote this short little drabble to let out my frustration and gain some personal closure. It just so happens Criminal Minds is my binge watching show during this, If anyone actually wants more I would be happy to elaborate on the narrative or write a sequel.  Writing is my therapy.

———————————————-

How did she end up here?  

Crying, gasping for breath, sitting on a bench outside her job.  

Breakups were never fun for her, even when the relationship needed to end and had become toxic, she always felt so hurt and lost after. Taking in deep breaths, she tried to win her composure back from the sobs racking her body.

“Are you okay?” someone asked, and just like that the tears started falling once more. Shaking her head, she held her breath, as if not breathing would stop all the pain. She looked up and met the eyes of Spencer Reid, an agent in the FBI. She worked for the FBI as well, but as a written communications employee, no field work required. Through press and media, she had gotten to know Spencer over the years.  

“What happened?” He asked, sitting next to her.  

“I broke up with someone I’ve been with for a while. It was so weird, he acted as if he didn’t care at all. He went from emotionally blackmailing me to love him, to not even caring. I know I should be relieved, to be out of this relationship that made me so sad and uncomfortable, to finally be free of his emotional abuse, but he isolated me from everyone. I have no one to turn to, and all I want to do is run back because he made sure he was the only person I had left. He told me it was my fault, that I changed when he was the one who shamed me into changing. Am I not good enough for even someone like that?”  

Her voice was broken and shaken, and her arms were pulled tightly to her chest. Spencer studied her and her body language, obviously, she was someone who felt all emotions hard and strong, she was trying to physically hold herself together, hoping that her emotions would eventually get the memo and hold together as well. He moved closer to her, gently laying her head on his shoulder.  

“Hey,” he whispered quietly, “it’s okay to be sad. Our brains don’t understand when we should be relieved about a breakup, all it perceives is the loss of something familiar. Be sad, it won’t change the fact that you deserve so much more than him. You are intelligent and kind, you are beautiful and confident. You deserve to be loved for exactly the person you are because that person is amazing. You aren’t alone. I will be here for you. I care for you and I won’t let you isolate yourself.”  

His words made her cry even more, but not in a sad way. He was right, she did deserve more. It was just excepting that fact that would be difficult.  Even now, she felt more cared for than she ever had in the last few months of her relationship. 

Maybe with Spencer helping her hold the broken pieces of herself, she could rebuild herself piece by piece.