#reader's opinions are a little more nuanced than that

[babblingeccentric]

Also modern au Luffy loves reader because they agree on three fundamental truths of the world

His brothers are the best

Parties must have food and live music

Naruto is the greatest piece of modern media known to man

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Yandere Kencanons

Warnings: Kidnapping, Abduction, Major Spoilers for The Barbie Movie, Unhinged Post, Possessive Ken, Ken Just Wants to be Loved, Petnames, Ken Being Condescending, Post-Patriarchy Ken, No Pronouns Used for Reader Except 'You'.

Simply put, you’d charmed Ken. Made his non-existent heart flutter and a feeling he always associated with Barbie to overtake him. Been in the wrong place at the right time. Hence, less than a few hours after your meeting with Kenneth, you were in Barbieland. Sorry - Kendom Land.

You’d made the mistake of asking him for the time, in a rush to make it to work. And, with a twinkle in his eye and a seeming newfound sense of purpose, he proclaimed that “You respect me!”

Dazed and with little else you could say, you shrugged. “I mean…I guess…?”

And that was enough for him.

“I must go – get back to Barbieland – spread the news about patriarchy!”

You'd humoured him, more for the promise of your own safety than actual agreement, and he tipped his hat to you, billowing away in the direction of Venice Beach in a haze of his own world.

You managed to dodge him initially, untangling yourself from his vacant stare and making it to work unscathed.

On your way to lunch a few hours after, however, you were accosted again.

Of course, by none other than Ken Carson.

Who, having put all he’d learnt from his books on horses, the Wild West, and patriarchy, literally lassoed you and threw you onto his shoulder.

“We’ve gotta get you back to Barbieland – the Kens are not gonna believe this !”

On your journey back to this mysterious place, Ken explained to you how Barbies usually rule everything while the Kens are left with nothing.

“But, with you at my side, I’m sure we can make it right!”

You genuinely chalked this guy up to be insane, if at most, an escaped patient.

However, as you traversed 2D landscapes, you were more inclined to believe him. That this fabled Babrietopia did in fact exist.

And, once you get there, you become Patriarchy Ken’s personal servant.

He tells you to “Brewski Beer” him, all the while talking about how his initial conception of patriarchy had been that it was “Horses who ran the world, but it’s actually men — and horses are men extenders.”

He calls you his “bride-wife” or “groom-husband”, which, compared to the other Kens’ long-term distance low-commitment casual partners, seems oddly…endearing. Dangerously permanent.

With no idea how to get back to the Real world, you’re stuck with Ken and his entourage of fellow Kens, the Barbies either indoctrinated into their way of thinking or in hiding.

Speaking of, you are basically Ken’s property.

And he treats you as such whenever one of the other Kens tries to accost your service.

His tone is low, eyes sharp. “(Y/N) is my long-term distance low-commitment partner, not yours, Ken.”

And, to show as much, you get to sit on the floor next to Ken as he watches the Godfather with his Kentourage, talking through the whole thing, commenting on its ingenuity and nuance.

He also makes you stay nearby whenever he changes outfits - which is just him changing into another faux mink coat, pants and headband.

Despite being this new, independent, untethered Ken, he asks your opinion on things which seem largely inconsequential. Still, you sense something unstable. Insecurity, perhaps.

"What about...this coat?"

"Isn't that the same as the last one you showed me?"

Ken looks at your glass reflection in the wardrobe doors. His smile glitches, falters. He replaces it.

"Yeah, course - I was just testing you, seein' if you were paying attention."

Whenever you get a moment alone, away from the madness of the Kens, it’s short-lived. For Ken is never far behind, seeming to materialise in the doorway of whatever room of the Dreamhouse you’ve adopted as your refuge.

“What’s wrong, tiny baby?” He says, sauntering over to you, snake-like.

“I want to go home, Ken,” You tell him, voice racked with sobs, tears in your eyes.

He just gives you a narrowed, confused look, adopting an almost incredulous posture as if to say ‘Why?’

“First of all, I don’t like your tone, Doll,”

He steps towards you. You step back.

“Second of all, why in Kendom Land would you wanna leave ?" Another step forward. Another step back. "This is the dream of any patriarch’s partner to be where you are now; it should feel just like home !” Another step forward, another step ba-

Your legs hit the edge of the bed.

It doesn’t matter how hurt - or frightened - you look. Ken doesn’t listen.

“And besides, do you know how many Barbies would kill to be where you are now ? I know Weird Barbie would.” And he smiles – smirks – as if he’s triumphed you in some way only he is aware of, hands on his waist. The image of power.

Ken tends to test his boundaries when it comes to physical affection.

Seeing as he received none with Barbie, he seems to want to try his luck with you.

And yes, this does include him puckering his lips and staying stood in front of you until one of you caves.

Usually, it’s him, causing him to retract and act as if nothing happened. Which it didn’t. 

But when he really wants a kiss, he can persist for hours.

You timed him. Two hours and three minutes until you relented and pecked him.

“Wow,” he says, every time, as if it’s the first time, his eyes clouded with dreams and what you could only pen as whimsy.

He’s incredibly touch-starved. Show him an ounce of willing and he’ll be overjoyed in his own, new, macho way. Though, he does have a hard time containing a squeal whenever you touch skin.

Secretly, he's entranced by how...human you are. how different you feel and talk to the other dolls in his Kendom.

He's developed an obsession interest with your hands, holding them in his, telling you how small and soft your hands are compared to his.

He squeezes them whenever he gets the chance, commenting on how "Squishy" your fingers are, despite you having a skeleton beneath your skin - a concept that blows Ken away every time you explain it to him.

He also adores hugs. Though, he only hugs you/lets you hug him when out of view of other Kens. He needs to protect his image as the stoic leader, after all.

Loves a cuddle; goes stupid crazy for them.

He favours holding you to his chest and resting his chin atop your head. He finds your warmth a foreign comfort. While you find his lack of a heart – and a beat – a discomfort.

“S’nice and warm,” he says, eyes closed, the image of laxity. "Being here with you."

He mumbles that last part. You know not to inquire further. The Kens consider any form of genuine affection to be a weakness.

It’s in your best interest to just let him stay there and talk about whatever it is he’s fascinated himself with, lest you wish to incur a temper tantrum or the cold shoulder.

Aside from being a fan of hand-holding, he's also a partaker in wrist-holding.

If you ever do something to aggravate him, he tends to grip your wrist hard enough to make you wince, his jaw clenched, eyes narrowed.

“Something wrong, Babe?” He’ll say, tone deep with simmering wrath.

You know not to push it with Ken.

Despite how platinum and perfect he is, he does harbour a resentment which, whether caused by you or not, he seems to target you with.

Talked to a Ken for too long, or in a way he didn’t like?

He’s going to embarrass you in front of him. Make you seem undesirable to all who are not himself.

He knows he can’t make you disappear, given the fact that you’re mortal. But he knows he can make other Kens disappear; an idea that, the first time it appeared to him, frightened him, made him confront a darker half he’d repressed. But, as time went on, he’s learnt to harness it in ways you’d never have suspected from a Ken.

Not that you’d know it from the way he treats you, but he does actually care for you.

Perhaps…as much as, even more so, than he does — did — for Barbie.

He doesn’t feel like he’s tethered to any one job or image when he’s with you; his identity is not an extension of yours. But, he does try to treat yours as if it is an extension of his.

“Babe, hurry up with those beers — the game’s about to start !”

He knows you’re impervious to the effects of his brainwashing, given that you’re from the Real World, so he feels that you’re the most genuine person in Kendom Land. Hence he tends to treat you with equal harshness and care.

This also often leads to Ken asking you things about your world. Things he doesn’t yet have the answers for.

His favourite pastime is to lay his head on your thighs while you sit against the headboard of his bed, asking you any and all questions that come to mind.

“What’s your favourite colour?”, “Where does the sun go when it’s night time?”, “What did you do at your job?”

Personal ones like that last one often cause you to tense, and Ken can tell. He tends to refrain from asking you such questions now, seeing as any reminder of your life prior to this cause you to, what he has learnt to call it, cry.

Despite how tone-deaf Kenneth can be, he is actually rather intuitive. Or, rather, considerate.

When you’d told him your favourite colour, he’d painted his bedroom walls in it. Albeit a slap-dash job of it, given how interior design is not in his box description like Interior Design Ken, but he tried !

Despite his small acts of kindness being his attempts to imitate comfort, they do little to calm you. For everything he says, does, discussing a future with you in Kendom Land, changing aspects of his world to cater to your preferences, feel as if you are to take up unwilling, permanent residence here.

And, while you wait and plot for a way to escape, you exist as a perpetual puppet for Ken to mither and berate and order around.

In the real world, a doll has started appearing on shelves – a new range of ‘Misery Barbie/Ken’ dominating the toy aisles of every supermarket and toy store, your visage wrapped tightly in every box.

Tears, an outfit demeaning enough to make a grandmother faint, and the unwavering expression of the need for freedom.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterpost Masterlist

Yandere Masterlist Juicy Original Content <3

[rewh0re]

MORE THAN JUST A DREAM ; GETO SUGURU

—wc: 3.2k, fluff, no curses au, college au, alcohol consumption, new year's kiss, ocs (reader's friends are ocs), implied oc x gojo, use of the pronoun 'she' once (except that it's gn! reader), gojo is RICH

a/n: I had to repost don't even ask it wouldn't show up in tags😐 anyways happy new year baby boos take this geto fic as a gift. REBLOGS + FEEDBACKS ARE APPRECIATED!!

divider cred: @/benkeibear

Gojo Satoru's annual New Year's Eve parties were a lavish affair. Set in the luxurious penthouse that he owned which he would only use for parties he hosted. There was a myriad of alcohol—all from the finest and most renowned brands—to choose from. There was music, there was dancing, there was a fucking champagne fountain for Christ's sake.

For a party hosted by some college student, it sure was a grand event. From freshmen to seniors, everyone attended it, dressed in their finest cocktail attires and fancy shoes.

For a party with so many attractions to catch the eye, Gojo Satoru and his best friend Geto Suguru took the cake. The pair could never be separated, may it be in the various parties and events they attended or when they were strolling the college campus. While Gojo was the louder, more exuberant and outgoing out of the two, Geto's genuine smile—whenever he was around his best friend—was hard to miss.

It was Geto's smile that always made your heart flutter.

You remember the first time you had noticed Geto Suguru. A simple, ravishingly attractive man, who sat two seats in front of you. He probably was not the teacher's favourite with the way he often got into little discussions and debates with the professors regarding the day's topics if he disagreed with certain aspects of it. Always polite and respectful but with a conniving smile on his lips nonetheless if he proved his point of view to be correct. His voice was always calm in class and he never stepped back from expressing his opinions. You thought it was a phenomenal quality to have.

You would see him often during breaks, his usual spot being a few tables away from yours. His rambunctious best friend was always at his side along with a girl who would always have a cigarette between her lips. Shoko Ieiri—you later learnt—was her name. Your friends and you would often not care, but sometimes, Gojo's mirthful laughter echoed throughout the area and you were bound to see Geto shake his head with a little snicker of his own at his friend's nuances. That's how you came to know of Geto. A well sought after, smart, insanely attractive and—from what you've heard— a polite and kind individual. You had admired Geto from a distance for a whole of three years now. The conversations you had with him could be counted on one hand but he had always been sweet to you. You wondered if he even remembered you. You did have flings here and there but you had always had that little spot of affection in your heart for the man who was Geto Suguru.

In the three years that you have been in this college of yours, you have never attended Gojo Satoru's new year's eve parties. You had heard stories and every year you had promised yourself to attend it. However, every year your mother called you back home to celebrate the holidays with your family and you could never deny it. Your friends initially complained but they understood your position and promised to tell you all the things that happened. One year you heard the crazy new year's kiss one of your friends had with a boy she met there and how magical it all seemed. The other year they told you how Gojo and Geto both got shit faced drunk and danced to every song until they physically dropped on the floor, unable to move and Shoko had to come take them away with a sigh. You learnt how Gojo normally avoided alcohol, feasting on the many desserts instead and how Geto and Shoko were often seen smoking a cigarette on the balcony together. You too wanted to attend this annual event, that was like a myth to you.

This year allowed that. With your father planning an impromptu vacation for only your mother and himself, you had the perfect opportunity to finally attend the party you had wanted to go to since your freshman year.

It was 31st December and you were beyond excited. Your friends had been elated to know that you would finally visit Gojo's party with them and they took it upon themselves to get you dolled up and ready for it, paying no heed to your complaints of "I can do it myself."

That's how you found yourself in Gojo's penthouse. The place was bustling with noises—music, talking, whistles (which you assumed were directed to the people who were dancing). The place was huge, something way out of your imagination. There were lights and decorations that increased the beauty of the place ten folds. And there was that goddamned champagne fountain that everyone talked about. “Gojo Satoru is rich,” was the very first thought that crossed your mind after a moment of awe and speechlessness.

"He's crazy rich," your friend, Aoi, laughed.

Oh, so your thoughts might have slipped out from your mouth.

"I'm sure Geto is too. Didn't you see his motorcycle in the parking area? That has to belong to some super loaded dude," your other friend, Saeko commented.

"Didn't you have a thing for Geto, y/n?" Saeko wiggled her eyebrows at you as she crossed her arms, a smirk evident on her lips.

"Eh, kinda. I mean, he's okay to look at I guess," you shrugged, making your way to the bar. The college parties you went to never had a bar. The alcohol had to be derived from the kitchen and most of the time, it was some sort of jungle juice.

"Oh shut up, you like him," Aoi smacked your back as she settled herself beside you on the bar stool.

"I never denied that," you winked at her as you downed the tequila, the bartender served the three of you.

"Having fun so far?" An unknown voice made the three of you turn your heads. Gojo Satoru. Standing tall in front of you, a lazy grin on his face and for heaven knows what reason his stupid sunglasses covering his eyes even at 11 in the night.

"Gojo Satoru," Saeko crossed her legs, leaning back on the bar counter as she smiled at him.

"In the flesh ma'am," he winked at her. A charming wink that girls would often faint over.

"That didn't answer my question though. Having fun?" He asked again.

"What would you offer as compensation if we said we weren't," he laughed at Saeko's little bantering comment. He knew she didn't mean it. Everyone had the time of their lives at Gojo Satoru's party.

"Oh Saeko, you have been coming here for the past two years. No need to lie to me, sweetheart. However—if I have, by chance—failed you this year, do dance with me. That'll be compensation enough," he winked at her.

"And they say chivalry is dead," your friend shook her head.

"I noticed you brought a friend this year?" His eyes raked over to you as he offered you a welcoming smile.

You returned it with a wave of your own.

"That's y/n. She didn't wanna miss out on this year's party," Aoi introduced you as she sipped on her strawberry daiquiri.

"Great to meet you y/n. I hope my little party meets your expectations," before you could counter his comment of the party being "little" a velvet smooth voice laced with mild jest interrupted your conversation.

"Don't annoy the guests Satoru," and there he was beside his best friend, Geto Suguru. His long black hair tied in a semi bun, an earring dangling from his right ear and a cheshire grin on his lips. Geto Suguru was a beautiful man to look at.

"I could never do that Suguru," Gojo turned to look at his best friend as his grin widened.

"Saeko brought a friend with her. I was just acquainting myself. Meet y/n."

Geto's eyes slid over to your figure, his smile softening. You could feel yourself warming up under his soft and welcoming gaze.

"You are in my psychology class," he said as he offered you his hand for a shake.

"I am," you shook his hand, the feeling of his fingers against yours, erupting little butterflies in your stomach. The coolness of his many rings against your warm hand sent shivers down your spine.

"I think I need that dance Gojo," Saeko said over the blasting music and the male was quick to respond. Giving her his hand, Gojo led your friend away towards the dance floor. She turned around to wink at you and Aoi before the pair disappeared.

You could only laugh at her antics. Saeko was a known flirt and you had heard how every year she would have a little fun with Gojo. This was the first time you had seen it and you could not help but laugh. Good god that girl knew what she was doing.

"Every damn year this happens," Geto chuckled as he leaned on the counter behind you. "I don't know if I want those two to be together or not with how much they flirt on this one day every year."

Aoi excused herself with a smirk, leaving you alone with Geto. Based on how the night went, you would either thank her or strangle her, but that was a problem for later.

"Why have I never seen you here y/n?" Geto looked over at you, tilting his head in question. His smile never left his face.

"Got caught up with my family every year. Decided to be here for a change," you ordered a glass of sangria, diverting from the tequila you were having earlier.

"I hope you can hold your liquor,"

"Aren't you a gentleman Geto," you smiled up at him.

"Oh yeah I definitely am," he nodded his head, mocking your smile. "Call me Suguru."

"Okay Suguru," you pat his shoulder.

"Care for a dance?" He looked at the dancing bodies and then at you, motioning his head towards the dance floor.

"Uhh, I've got two left feet. I'm afraid I'll scare people away with my dancing," you cringed.

His jubilant laughter filled your ears as his head rolled back, eyes crinkling. Your eyes widened slightly at the beauty of the sight in front of you. You did not quite understand if the slight intoxicating feeling that you felt was due to the alcohol you consumed or the laugh that he offered. 

"Don't worry about that. Half of us got two left feet, me included. Come on," before you could protest, Geto was already pulling you towards the dance floor.

The next few seconds were a whirlwind. One second you were sipping your sangria and the next you were in the middle of the dance floor, a hoard of sweaty bodies surrounding you and Geto's hands held your waist tightly. You hesitantly wrapped your arms around his neck as he smiled reassuringly at you. Your initial nervousness faded as Geto started swaying to the beat. Before you could process anything, you were there with him, living in the moment. You both danced to the music as his arms wrapped around you, twirling you around and swaying you. Somewhere between your dancing, you spotted Gojo and Saeko. She twirled in his arms, laughing as she landed on his chest.

"Cute aren't they?" Geto screamed in your ear over the blasting music.

"She never told me about this," you shook your head at him.

"Oh this is their annual ritual. They'll flirt for one night and pretend that the other does not exist for the rest of the year," he twirled you again. "I've told Satoru to just date her and he always says 'nah she is not into me.' I swear to god he's so stupid at times,"

"I think they'd make a hot couple, don't you?" You smiled at your dance partner.

"Oh absolutely."

Geto could feel a sense of warmth in his chest as he saw you letting yourself free, enjoying and dancing to your heart's extent. The pounding in his chest increased and he blamed it on his dancing.

He had always known you as the quiet student in his psychology class who sometimes answered the professor's questions. The few times you had talked was in class whenever you had to add points to open discussions. He had always found you to be pretty. He didn't know you personally till now, but he had seen you with Saeko, sitting a few tables away from theirs. He was glad he finally got to talk to the person he had been gaining the courage to talk to properly for a while now.

"Wanna get out of here?" He asked you as he pulled you close.

"Where are you gonna take me?" You poked his nose.

Geto laced his fingers with yours and pulled you out of the crowded area as he took you upstairs. He led you to a balcony that looked down at the city below. You had never really been this high up somewhere so you were awestruck by the view. The cars zoomed past below and the city donned a look you had never seen before. Lights decorated the buildings, light dusts of snow covered the streets as they fell from the sky above.

"Like what you see huh?" Geto snickered.

"This is wonderful—what—I have been missing several things," you leaned over the balcony to get a better look.

"Easy now, don't want you falling over. Also, yeah. This is like my escape, you know. When I get a bit exhausted by the party I come here, especially for the new year's countdown. I like seeing the fireworks," you had completely forgotten that it was new year's in a few minutes now.

"Shit how long since it's the new year?" You gasped at him.

Geto took out his phone from his pocket, squinting his eyes at the screen before putting it away.

"Uh four more minutes," he leaned on the balcony railing as he looked at you.

You could hear the test firecrackers going off in the distance. One then two and they stopped for a moment.

"You look absolutely gorgeous by the way," he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"You don't look too bad yourself. I especially like what you've done with your hair," you gestured at your own to make him understand.

"You like my hair?"

"Oh absolutely. It's stunning. Do tell me your hair care routine."

"Maybe I can text it to you?" He dipped his head down towards you.

"Are you asking for my number Geto Suguru?" You gasped in mock surprise. "Scandalous."

He was opening his mouth to probably say something witty when you both heard it. The countdown to the new year. Loud voices from the floor below started counting. The last ten seconds of this year.

10...

You both looked at the door and then at each other as you shared a small laugh.

9...

He came ever so close to you.

8...

His gaze was set on your eyes as you fiddled with the locket that rested on your chest. The intensity of his gaze made your insides jump.

7...

His hand travelled down to your waist, holding it with a light grip.

6...

Your eyes travelled down from his dark obsidian eyes to his lips as he licked them with a swipe of his tongue. What you would give to just feel them on yours.

5...

"You know I always did think you were a beautiful person. From the moment I first saw you in psychology," he whispered, his breath hot on your face.

4...

"Yea I kinda thought you were okay looking too,"

3...

He laughed at your comment as he pulled you closer by your waist, “just okay?”

2...

You could feel his lips hovering over yours, his eyes fluttering shut just like yours.

“Just okay…” you whispered.

1...

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

The echoes of the plethora of drunk college kids had become background noises the moment you crashed your lips on his.

You could hear the confetti pop and the firecrackers burst lighting the dark midnight sky with a million colours but all that mattered in the moment were his lips that moved in perfect sync with yours. Your hands gripped his hair as his own grip on your waist became tighter. He trapped you against the balcony railing and one of his hands came up to cup your face as he slightly tilted his head in a way to deepen the kiss. You could feel his lips perfectly fit with yours, a taste of mint on his tongue. His cologne invaded your senses, jumbling up your mind further. He smelled of nashi pear, cardamom and vetiver with a hint of woody musk. You felt yourself falling apart due to his entrancing aroma. Kissing Geto Suguru made your stomach do several somersaults and your heart was so erratic in its beating, it could jump out of your ribcage. This felt like a dream. Hell, was this even real?

You pulled away for breath as your eyes scanned his face. There was adoration in his own two dark eyes and something akin to lust.

"Happy new year Suguru," you raked your finger through his hair as his head dropped down on your shoulder.

"Happy new year y/n," he planted a gentle kiss on your shoulder before pecking your neck.

A loud squeal in the very next second, broke the two of you apart.

"OH MY GOD SUGURU, YOU'RE GETTING BITCHES?" Gojo Satoru was smiling mischievously with Saeko by his side.

"Shut up Satoru," Suguru groaned at his best friend rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"I hate you so much, your timing is the worst," he flipped him off before pulling you to his side.

"In my defence I didn't know you would bring someone here this year. Every year you are alone—"

"SHUT UP SATORU," Geto yelled in embarrassment as a tint of red covered his cheeks.

"You don't bring girls here often?" You asked amused.

"Oh he never does. This is the first time!" Gojo stated proudly.

"You're annoying them Satoru," Saeko smacked Gojo's head as the latter whined about everyone being mean to him.

"Ok what is going on? I searched the whole penthouse and you all are here?" A panting Aoi burst through the door.

"Y/n got the guy," Saeko said casually and it was your turn to turn a shade of red.

"SAEKO!?"

"Y/n got the guy? You mean Geto?" She looked over at the two of you as Geto waved at her with a smile.

"Ok this is huge?! Y/n oh my god finally," she squealed in her hands.

"Ok the lot of you can leave you know? Just give us some time alone, geez," you ushered your friends away including Gojo who would not leave without giving Suguru a rough smack on his back.

"Did you like me? You know, before this?" He took your hand in his as he rubbed circles on the back of each of them.

"Kind of," you sighed. "I mean I guess I did have a small crush on you?"

"Okay so now we definitely need that number," he tilted your chin up as he pecked you lightly before bumping his forehead with your.

You could say you had a pretty eventful start to the new year.

[anantaru]

Hello luv,

I reeeeally loved the first kiss oneshot with Wanderer (I'm a sucker for flus xD)

Is there any chance you can do a first kiss version with Kazuha? Pretty please? I will send u a viral hug <3

cw. first kiss with kazuha, early relationship, gn! reader

tenuous touches, faint nuances of getting closer, but nothing too uncontrolled. kazuha was perfectly patient with you and wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable while being in his company.

he waits, in fact, he could wait his entire life for you and you alone, until he pumps the very last breath out of his lungs. by virtue, you're utterly worth it in his marvellous eyes, and it's almost absurd by how hard he had fallen in love with you.

face first, in an instant, cherishing every second of it.

at this moment in time, you take his hand and place it on top of your thigh before inching a little closer, just right so you can admire him within range. there it was when you catch his eye and he squares his shoulders a little, they're trembling you figure, distantly but enough for you to easily discern it, like he's trying to inhale and exhale normally, feigning composure when he was losing his mind inwardly.

"kazuha.." you speak slowly, and there's a good chance that he noticed your simmering excitement as well, while in your own humble opinion wasn't a hard thing to do. because directly, you were probably as nervous, if not more than he was.

thus far, he decides to answer your call, trailing off to your lips, "i'm right here." and he notes that you had already made your decision.

what was there to say next? how does one even approach a situation like that?

in addition, kazuha clears his throat, cheeks puckered up in a rosy void, pursing his lips before you smile at him with a little nod, joyfully accentuating your point and reassuring him that it was okay and that you were ready to walk towards the next step in your relationship.

no movements were rushed, it's static, fluid and as if a somewhat celestial power, an other worldly faculty was moving your bodies.

in under a second, kazuha wraps his digits around your own and for a moment he simply looks at you, admiring the view, purely a few inches away and you could've sworn that you had already brushed over his soft lips.

the man exhales deeply from his nose and relaxes a little before closing off the tiny space between your lips, placing them against your own.

in the thick of pending, humid air, you perpetually held hands as he playfully nibbled on your lower lip before pulling away, with a cheeky grin that said more than a thousand words could ever achieve, while your own had been faintly covered in saliva and glowing.

©2023 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

Orange - L.JN & N.JM

pairing: na jaemin x reader x lee jeno

au/genre: smut, fluff, humor, angst to some degree, established relationship!AU, boyfriend!Jaemin, boyfriend's best friend!Jeno, best friend!Haechan, bottom!jeno (?)

word count: 10.323 words

warnings: mxm content, threesome, kink discovery, sex toys (butt blugs, mentions of a vibrator), bunny costumes in a sexual context, dirty talk, anal fingering, anal sex (m and f receiving), muscle kink, mentions of period sex, oral (f receiving, kinda m receiving), pet names, dry humping, cumming in pants, unprotected sex (just don't)

synopsis: your happy relationship with jaemin lacks nothing but a little spice in the sheets, in your opinion. hence, you want to tickle a kink out of your boyfriend. who would've guessed that his best friend plays a huge role in said journey, and could change your relationship forever?

taglist: @yujaemna @meowniee @sfsrm-blog @legbouk @bbyjayb

Dating Jaemin is relatively easy. You get along naturally, have fun laughing until your tummies hurt, help each other in difficult situations, and grow together as people. You genuinely love him, there's no denying that, and loves you back just as much.

There are just two tiny problems.

Number 1: your sex life

It's not that it's particularly boring, it's just that you're excited to experiment with sex in every way possible, but Jaemin seems to be more of a traditional kind of guy when it comes to couple activities in the sheets. So whenever you've brought up the idea of trying something new, he's never been thrilled, and since you don't want to pressure him, you let it go. Don't get it wrong, missionary is fun and all that, and most of the time you cum at least once during the whole experience, but your heart yearns for something a little more thrilling from time to time.

And number 2: his best friend

You don't understand the relationship between two certified best bros, but you're smart enough not to question it. Jaemin and his bestie Jeno are the closest thing two people can get before being officially together, you notice, as you find them cuddling on the couch every so often. They also go on dates, but you're not allowed to call it that since they're just "bro quality times", but having a candle light dinner with your best friend is... pretty date-y to you, especially when Jaemin brings home a single red rose every other week.

All of this would surely bother you a little more if it weren't for your teeny tiny crush on Jaemin's best friend. If Jaemin acted like that with anyone else, you'd be fuming, but with Jeno, you kind of (completely) understand. The man is cute and friendly at all times, and he would have swooned you with his handsome face and ripped body alone, but his lovable personality makes it even worse. Okay, maybe it's more than a tiny crush, maybe it's a fully developed crush, but no one has to know that. It's not like you'd ever act on it or anything.

So, yeah, you can't really do anything about problem number two, but your knight in shining armor (read: your best friend) is there to help you settle your first problem.

"You could just talk to him again, you know?" Donghyuck throws in, then busies his mouth with chewing on his popcorn again. Since he's started working his part-time job at the local cinema, he always has a box of the sweet, sticky treat with him. You wonder if he'll ever get sick of it.

"I can't. I don't wanna pressure him," you retort in a quiet voice of concentration, finishing up your nails with a last drag of the brush over the nail of your thumb, lifting both of your hands in the air afterwards to admire your work of painting them in the nuance "withy witty summer fun" (orange).

"Then you should try something again."

"Do you remember last time when I hid a vibrator under the blankets for him to find during sexy time?" – you stop admiring your nails to stare at Donghyuck intensely – "I still have a fucking bump on my forehead from when he screamed and threw it at me."

"You just caught him off guard," Donghyuck reasons, throwing a piece of popcorn in the air to catch it with his mouth, but he misses, and the popcorn hits the corner of his mouth and then the ground only to roll underneath your couch. You watch morosely.

"I have a few more ideas," Donghyuck leans forward to whisper into your ear. Attentively, you listen, and carefully as to not ruin your nails grab a piece of his popcorn, munching away with brows furrowed in concentration and narrowed eyes...

Fixing your hair one last time in the rounded mirror of your bedroom, you nod at yourself, confirming that your look is perfect and irresistible. Of course you could've stuck to something as simple as pretty lingerie, but where's the fun in that? You want to tickle a kink out of Jaemin, so this is much better.

Draping yourself on the bed, you grab your phone to text your boyfriend who you know is currently playing online games and talking to his friends over Discord in the living room.

You [20:38]

Come to the bedroom, I have a surprise for you! ;-)

Jaemin [20:38]

Is it my package? Can't believe they're delivering this late...

You [20:38]

???????

It's not

Jaemin [20:39]

Can it wait? I'm winning! :D

You [20:39]

HUrry up!?!?

You throw your phone away, annoyed. But the next second, you hear footsteps approaching the bedroom door. Excitedly, you get into position, sitting on your knees in the middle of the mattress ready to bat your lashes at the person entering the room.

The door creeks slightly, revealing Jaemin's grin which soon drops into an expression of confusion. "Wha-"

"Hello there," you wink, pushing your arms together in front of your body to press your tits together.

"What the fuck are you wearing?"

"I'm your bunny, master," you say seductively, and Jaemin can't hide the amused grin creeping back on his face as he takes in your pink bunny ears that rest atop of your head, paired with your fluffy underwear set.

"Are you planning Halloween costumes already?" Jaemin snickers, stepping closer until he reaches the bed and sits down, the mattress dipping under his weight.

"I'm not. This is all for you, baby," you say and lean into his hand that reaches out to stroke over your cheek.

"It's cute," Jaemin admits, and you lean in to kiss him. His lips move softly against your own, slowly but surely building a rhythm that contains nothing but love and lust. Jaemin's hands rest on your waist, gently stroking your exposed skin with his thumbs. He gently pushes you to lay down, then presses a last kiss to your lips before sitting up, tugging on your costume.

"Don't- you want it to stay on?" You ask, surprised. You were sure it's working this time.

"Um... not really," Jaemin admits, tongue wetting his lower lip.

"Why?" You whine, frustration taking over you. As a result, you sit back up, turning around to show him the rest of your outfit, "I even wore a matching tail!"

As soon as Jaemin snorts, you know that you've lost him. Again.

"Hey-" you enter the living room. "...guys?"

On the couch sit your boyfriend and his best friend, and you're a little surprised since no one's told you he'd be over today. The thing that's a little more odd, though, is the way Jaemin's legs are draped over Jeno's lap, the older holding onto Jaemin's calves who plays with the hair of Jeno's neck.

"Oh, hey," Jaemin grins, then motions his head towards the TV, "we're watching 'Just Friends', you wanna join?"

You eye their compromising position a little longer as you try to push the weird feeling to the back of your mind, then sit beside – or rather behind – Jaemin. During the movie, you kind of feel like you're third wheeling, but that's honestly nothing new.

"Jaemin," you whisper, nudging his back. Jaemin hums, turning his head towards you, and you're sure that he must have dislocated his neck doing so. The motion doesn't go unnoticed by Jeno, of course, how could it with how they're attached at the hips. "I wanna... cuddle too..."

"Oh, of course, sorry!" Jaemin removes his legs from Jeno's lap and turns to the front, throwing an arm around your shoulders to pull you close. You sigh contently with closed eyes, but as you open them, you find your face to be really, really close to Jeno's since Jaemin's done the same to him.

You gulp, then give him and awkward, tight-lipped smile that he mirrors, then turn your attention back to the movie, trying to calm down your pulse and thoughts at how close Jeno is right now.

"Ah, my favorite people," Jaemin sighs, and you can hear the grin in his voice before he presses a kiss to your head that is quickly followed by another kissing noise, presumably to Jeno's head.

Yeah, admittedly, it's a bit weird.

"Okay, so apparently he isn't into bunny costumes! Who can blame him?" Donghyuck says after you've told him about the disaster a few days ago, his eyebrows risen as he lifts his hands in defeat.

"Me! I can blame him! I looked hot as shit and he laughed at me," you whine, hiding your face in your hands at the embarrassing memory.

"But there has to be something," Donghyuck retorts, chewing on the skin of his thumb as he loses himself in his thoughts. You, too, are trying to come up with a solution for your problem.

"Have you tried dirty talk?" Donghyuck finally pipes up after what seemed like half an hour of silence. You raise your head, tiredness obvious in your eyes as you blink at him, your forehead showing a red spot from where you'd rested your head in your hand.

"Yes, I called him master, remember?" You cringe at the thought, throwing yourself backwards to lay on your couch, though you miss, and tumble onto the soft carpet instead. A loud whine and a quiet 'ouch' leave your lips.

"Yeah, I know, but that was a bit extreme..." he points out, and you lift your head up to glare at him. "What I'm trying to say is, do it again, more subtly."

"Fuck, Jaemin," you moan as Jaemin pushes deep into you. He feels heavenly as he drags his tip along your walls, stimulating you in just the right places. Jaemin hums in response, placing his head in the crook of your neck to leave gentle kisses on your skin.

Your moans grow louder as you exaggerate them, throwing in curse word after curse word that do not seem to affect Jaemin in the slightest, his pace and sounds remaining at their original level. Frustrated, you press your lips together before putting out the most sinful words you can imagine.

"Love how your cock feels in me. You're so fucking big, stretching me out so well. Only you can fuck me like that, please, keep going, it feels so good, love your cock so much," you whimper right next to his ear, and you can feel his rhythm falter with each of your words.

You smile in victory, moving your hips to meet his thrusts. "I'm yours to use, Jaemin, I'm your little slut, please fuck me full of your cum, make me drip for days-"

Jaemin grunts, and before you can even breathe in to mutter your next string of dirty words, he-

"- put his hand on my mouth!" You whine, then grab for your pillow to scream inside of it, tears of frustration pooling in your eyes.

"That is-", Donghyuck halts to stifle a snicker, "- unfortunate."

"I couldn't even look him in the eyes for the past two days, Hyuck, I can't do this anymore," you sigh, putting the pillow down onto your lap. Maybe this is all useless. Jaemin just doesn't seem to have any interest in spicing up your sex life. Maybe you should just accept that.

"Last night I was reminded of something while watching porn," Donghyuck speaks up out of a sudden, making you snap your head at him in surprise, a frown plastered on your features as if saying "do I really wanna know?"

"There is one thing that nearly ever dude is into," Donghyuck continues and your ears pipe up at the promising statement.

Donghyuck shuffles closer to you, taking both of your hands in his, and stares deep into your eyes. You have to admit, he's great at creating a dramatic atmosphere and keeping you at the edge of your seat. He inhales, then exhales, looks down, then back up into your eyes.

"Anal."

"Hey- oh. Hey, Jeno," you say as you enter the living room, said man waving at you shyly, and you can't help but feel a little tingling in your tummy. You walk into the kitchen, place the grocery bags on the counter, and slowly begin unpacking.

"Hey babe."

You turn around to Jaemin sticking his head through the doorway, grinning at you before sending you a flying kiss. You return the action, a broad smile taking over as you watch your beautiful boyfriend's handsome face.

"Jaemin, your turn," it sounds from the living room, and Jaemin quickly excuses himself.

You chuckle, shaking your head as you go back to the task at hand, when suddenly you get interrupted again, but this time by someone clearing their throat. Once again, you turn around, and your heart skips a beat at the sight of Jeno.

"Jaemin send me here to help you since he-"

"I know, I know," you giggle, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear before noticing the action, frowning for a brief second, and letting it fall back into your face, "it's his turn."

Jeno smiles awkwardly, then moves to stand beside you. You can't say that the undeniable proximity makes you feel a little hot, and weak in the knees.

"Um, you could put this up there, if you want," you suggest and point to two packages of flour and the shelf to your right. Jeno nods and attends the task immediately, each of his large hands grabbing one package that he easily places on the shelf, biceps completely on display for you to ogle.

"And maybe put the cereals up there?" You point towards your left, the highest shelf in your kitchen that you can barely reach, and Jeno simply smiles and nods again, taking ahold of the red carton.

Your breath hitches in your throat as you watch him place it on the shelf, his shirt riding up to give you a great view of his toned abs, and you're sure that either time has started to go by way slower than usual, or he's taking his sweet time completing the task.

Once he does, however, you're a bit embarrassed, a slight blush on your cheeks as you hurry him back into the living room for 'his turn' that Jaemin just announced. When you're back in the kitchen, alone this time, you have to take a few breaths to clear your thoughts and calm down your heartbeat.

Stretched and cleaned in all the right places, you jump onto the bed after your admittedly long shower. Your hair is still a little wet, but you couldn't wait any longer, too excited at the thought of finally proposing the idea of trying anal to your boyfriend. Jaemin is already seated on the bed, phone in hand as he scrolls mindlessly through one of his apps. As soon as your knees hit the mattress, he looks up at you, a loving grin on his face.

Jaemin reaches out to push a strand of your wet hair behind your ear. He tilts his head to the side, taking you in.

"I'm on my period," you announce happily.

"Yey, no baby!"

"That's not what I was hinting at, but sure: yey, no baby!" You imitate Jaemin's words and shake your fists in the air to display happiness. Jaemin laughs at your response.

"Actually," you start speaking, then push the blanket off of Jaemin to climb into his lap, "I want something."

You start by kissing his cheek, then move further down his jaw and down his neck, taking in the pretty sounds he lets out at your actions. Your hands find their way under his shirt, stroking over his abs, then up to his chest. Jaemin hums, and starts touching you as well, moving his hands over your body lovingly.

Once again you realize that you feel extremely safe in his arms.

Soon, your hands wander further down to the hem of his pants, playing around with it a little until you motion for him to take them off.

"But-"

"I know you don't like period sex," you interrupt him, lifting your head from his neck to look at him. His pupils are a little dilated, and he looks partly confused and partly aroused, and you can feel his growing bulge against your clothed core.

"I had something else in mind," you whisper, then kiss him, gently grabbing ahold of his hands to place them on your ass. Jaemin takes the hint and begins to massage the flesh with his hands.

"What is it?" Jaemin whispers back against your lips.

"I want you to-", you halt, suddenly a little more nervous than before at the fear of him rejecting you again, but there's no use in turning back now. A shaky breath leaves your lips before you speak again, "I want you to f-fuck my ass."

As soon as it's out there, your eyes close on their own, afraid of Jaemin's reaction. After a moment, you open them again, curiosity outweighing the fear. Jaemin just looks at you. He doesn't look opposed, and he certainly doesn't look amused like the last times.

"Please just once, we never have to do it again if you don't like it. And I already cleaned and stretched and-"

"Okay."

Your eyes widen comically, mouth agape. "Really?"

"Yeah," Jaemin smiles, then goes back to kissing you. Butterflies erupt in your tummy, tickling you as your heart beats happily in your chest. You immediately feel thrice as aroused, partly because he lifted the fear of your shoulders, and mainly because it's happening, it's happening!!!!

You moan into the kiss, pulling Jaemin closer to you as you grind down on his cock. You make out for a little while until Jaemin's the one to push you off of him gently, laying you down on your stomach. Excitement rushes over you at the new position and his (admittedly very soft) manhandling. You arch your back, pushing your ass into Jaemin's direction who just grabs at your cheeks once again.

He strokes upwards over your back, then back down to your thighs, and you bite your lip in anticipation. Jaemin then removes your panties under your wide shirt, pulling them off your legs and placing them next to the bed on the floor.

The fact that you're not even able to see what he's doing makes you feel even hotter. Jaemin presses a kiss to each of your ass cheeks, stroking over the soft flesh over and over again as if he's finally able to really appreciate your butt (in a way, he is).

Hearing the drawer of your bedside table open, you wiggle your ass in anticipation, to excited to keep still at what's to come. You can hear him open the bottle of lube and push some of the liquid out onto his hand, you believe.

"I should finger you first, right?"

"Please," you whimper, feeling like you could cum the second his finger touches your hole. Jaemin chuckles behind you at your eagerness.

When he finally starts circling your hole, you feel your eyes crossing, then closing on their own, a drawn out moan leaving your lips as soon as he pushes the digit inside. You've stretched yourself enough earlier that it doesn't take long until Jaemin seems satisfied with the way you're taking three of his fingers.

"Okay, are you ready?"

"Yeah," you sigh, and as Jaemin presses his tip into your hole, you have to grab onto the sheets for support because fuck is he big and fuck is this hot. A broken moan tumbles out of your throat as Jaemin sinks deeper into you. He's doing it very slowly as not to hurt you, and that turns you on beyond belief, and you hear him grunt, seemingly trying to hold himself back from just thrusting deeply inside of you in one swift motion, for your sake.

"Shit," he curses once he's completely inside, and you feel light headed at not only the stretch, but the fact that Jaemin just cursed. Jaemin never curses during sex, and you feel so giddy inside that you can't even focus on the slightly uncomfortable, or rather unfamiliar feeling of something that big inside your ass.

Carefully, Jaemin pulls his hips back, stroking your inner walls gently, his tip catching on your rim before he pushes back in. You feel the stretch all over again, but this time you've grown accustomed to it already, sighing contently at the feeling. Jaemin takes this as a sign that you're comfortable and slowly picks up his pace. You moan at the feeling, pushing your hips further back.

As you turn your head to the side to be able to look at him, kind of, you almost cum right on the spot. Jaemin's watching the way his cock repeatedly disappears inside of your hole, then throws his head back, eyebrows scrunched together as his eyes close, a groan erupting form his throat. It's so sexy to see Jaemin finally letting go like this, viewing sex as something that is not only intimate and feels good, but can also be exciting, thrilling even, and new.

Suddenly, Jaemin leans forward, completely burying you under his weight, his cock being shoved into you completely, and he reaches between your body and the mattress to be able to stroke your clit.

"Shit, Jaemin," you whine, not sure whether to push your hips further against his own, or forwards against his fingers. You decide on a mixture of both, pressing back against Jaemin's hips as he presses his into yours, and further against his moving fingers every time he pulls back.

The feeling is nothing less than amazing, and it doesn't take long for you to come undone, shaking in Jaemin's hold as he presses himself against your ass to empty himself deep inside.

The incident of the other night should have put a stop to your obsession of finding something that really gets Jaemin going, but due to the fact of him not bringing the topic of butt stuff up ever again since then, you can't wait to test out a little more. Though you're officially out of ideas now, not even Donghyuck can come up with anything you haven't tried.

An idea strikes you right in the head as you come home from work one afternoon, finding your house to be very Jaemin-less, as you realize once you've announced your arrival and not getting a happy greeting back.

What you do find, and the sight made you jump so hard you almost lost balance, is Jeno sitting alone in your poorly lit living room on his phone.

"Jaemin got a call from work a few minutes ago, said he would be back in half an hour," Jeno informs you after profusely apologizing for scaring you.

"I see," you nod, sitting down on the couch a bit away from him.

"He," Jeno clears his throat, "told me to cook you something, but I'm really, really bad at cooking so I didn't think it would be a good idea to-"

"Oh, no, don't worry about it, I already ate," you respond, nodding your head once to emphasize your point. Jeno hums, then an awkward silence arises.

You just sit there, staring holes into the ground, and he does too, which you notice since you avert your gaze every now and then to check him out. It's honestly his fault for wearing the tightest shirt you've ever seen in your life. Without being able to stop the question from popping up in your mind, you ask yourself what Jeno would be like in bed.

Then, it hits you. Jaemin and Jeno are friends, or actually, they're probably more than that, but that means that Jaemin must have mentioned what he's into somewhere in their countless years of knowing each other, right?

"Can I ask you something?" You disturb the silence, and Jeno raises his head to look at you with wide eyes.

"Of course."

"Well..." You realize that you should have practiced this conversation a little more before just putting it out there. You decide to just go for broke. "How much do you know about our sex life?"

Jeno's eyes widen to an alarming extend, and he begins opening and closing his mouth like a fish before settling on: "Nothing!"

"Ah, really?" You nod, a little disappointed. "Has Jaemin ever mentioned something that he...'d be into?"

"We don't, um, normally talk about stuff like that."

"I see, I'm sorry, then," you nod, pressing your lips together.

"Nothing to be sorry about," Jeno says and reaches out to put a hand on your thigh. The action might seem comforting, but to you it's everything but, and Jeno must've noticed your hitched breathing as he retorts the hand as quickly as possible.

"Sorry!"

"No, no, don't be." You assure him. "It's just that... I mean you probably noticed?" You try, face scrunched up weirdly in a mixture of embarrassment and trying to look apologetic. Jeno just looks at you questioningly. "The way I behave around you must not have given it away, huh... am I that good of an actor?"

Both of you laugh awkwardly and at this point you just wish for Jaemin to hurry with whatever he's doing to put you out of your misery.

"Well, I am kind of attracted to you. But! It's really nothing serious! Nothing to worry about! Oh shit, what if this makes things weird between you and Jaemin... I should've just kept my mouth shut."

"Don't worry," Jeno pipes up, making you look at him only to realize that he sits a bit closer to you now, "I actually... I feel the same."

"Oh?"

"I mean, we barely know each other, but-"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

It's silent for a while, and you take great interest in your fingernails.

"Can I confess something else?"

You lift your head to look at Jeno, nodding immediately as he looks about as confident as a dear in headlights. The awkwardness of the whole situation had caused you to completely miss the way your heart reacts whenever Jeno speaks.

"I kind of feel the same about Jaemin..."

"Oh," you say, eyebrows rising in surprise, "I mean, is that why you're-"

"Yeah."

"-so close. Mmh, I see," you nod to yourself. So Jeno does like Jaemin like that. Like that. Knowing this information should probably disturb you a little more, shouldn't it? But why doesn't it?

"I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable," Jeno adds, hands fiddling with each other in his lap as he eyes you from the side.

"No, don't worry, don't worry at all," you mumble, gears turning in your brain and the new found information. And just as Jaemin opens the front door to scream "hello", you get an idea.

"That... might honestly be the best thing you've ever come up with," Donghyuck beams, then presses his face into his box of popcorn to grab a piece with his lips since his hands are occupied by you doing his nails this time.

"I know, right? I mean, it's not really a plan yet, Jaemin has to agree, first of all, and-"

"It's going to be amazing. Oh my God, I'm so excited for you," Donghyuck jumps in his seat which causes his hands to move, to what you react by scoldingly slapping the back of his hand.

"Hold still!"

"You're living the dream," Donghyuck sighs, dreamingly staring off into the distance.

"Like I said, I don't even know what Jaemin-"

"What do you think he's like in bed? Jeno, I mean."

"Actually, I have no idea. He's pretty unreadable to me, to be honest," you admit, thinking back of all the times you've ogled his body, then quickly shake your head to push the images away before you get distracted.

"Do you want to know my professional opinion?" Donghyuck asks, mouth already full of popcorn again. Of course you do. For some reason, Donghyuck has a great way of telling what people are into, that's why it's been so easy for you to tell him what you'd want to do with Jaemin. He can't read Jaemin though, unfortunately.

"Okay, I've only seen him, like, thrice, from afar, but," Donghyuck pops the last word from his lips like a popsicle, "I think he's either the toppiest top or the subbiest bottom."

"You think..."

"I mean, he's ripped, but shy as hell. Maybe he's a service top, but I actually think he's a bottom. He just gives these 'please grab my jaw, spit in my mouth, and tell me what to do'-vibes, you know?"

Nodding as you stare into the distance, you imagine Jeno in exactly that scenario, "I see it." You imagine it, clearly, Jeno underneath you, looking up at you with his cute puppy eyes, waiting for you to tell him what to do, how to please you, all while Jaemin sits behind you, pushing your hair away from your neck to kiss it before whispering 'look at our pretty boy, what should we do with him today?'...

"Anyway," Donghyuck announces to get you to snap out of your trance, "how are you going to propose the idea to Jaemin?"

"Veeeeeery slowly," Jaemin says, standing behind you as he assist you in how to properly add the egg white into the batter for Jeno's birthday cake. "Good job."

Jaemin kisses your cheek and you feel a strange tingle inside your pants at his praising, and you immediately wonder if Jeno reacts the same when he gets complimented by your boyfriend. Eagerly, you spin around, grabbing Jaemin by the back of his neck to pull him into a kiss that he lovingly returns, holding onto your waist to pull you closer to him.

When you pull back to stare lovingly into his eyes, you find nothing but pure adoration in Jaemin's. "You know, I really admire your friendship with Jeno. I like seeing you together. The fact that you're planning a whole birthday party for him, and even baking a cake."

"Really?" Jaemin grins, then presses a big wet kiss onto your cheek, and you giggle, feeling so absolutely in love with him that you almost forget about the task at hand: prepare him for the idea of a threesome.

It goes like this, all day, every day, for a few weeks. As often as possible, you try to slip in a little hint of it being really okay for you that he's so close with Jeno, that they could be even closer, and then, really, really subtly, that you want to fuck both of them at the same time.

Though Jaemin never really reacts to your words, not even when you mentioned Jeno as you were making out, and you're not sure if that's a good thing because your plan is working and his subconsciousness will do the rest for you, or if it's a bad thing and you could have spent your weeks talking to a brick wall with the same outcome.

Either way, you realized that there's someone else in this equation that you should take into consideration. Saying you kind of romantically like your best friend and their partner is one thing, but it doesn't mean that you're head over heels for the idea of, well, sleeping together.

As if the heavens above heard your silent pleas, they hand you an opportunity to talk to Jeno alone on a silver platter.

It's not often that you and Jaemin decide to go out, but from time to time, you do. One of your friends threw a party that night, inviting not only you and your boyfriend, but also Jeno. For the occasion, you wore an insanely short dress that hugs your curves perfectly, and you caught Jeno staring every so often which inflated your ego drastically. Maybe a tad too much because right now, with Jaemin tucked into bed after he's had a little bit too much to drink, you're once again sitting on the couch with Jeno.

You're downing water to prevent a hangover before heading to bed as well, your shared level of intoxication making it way easier for both of you to talk to each other.

"When I asked you about Jaemin's kinks last time," you state, eyelids a little heavy as you look over at Jeno, "it was for a reason."

"Really?" Jeno answers, smiling weakly with raised brows to urge you to continue.

"It's- not that it's bad, you know, in bed, I just want to experiment a little, but he doesn't like any of the stuff so far," you open your heart to him, and he nods along, way less shy and awkward than that night a couple of weeks ago.

"I just want him to live a little... I mean, he seemed to like the butt stuff," you admit, pouting slightly.

"Butt stuff?" Jeno's eyes widen a tad, and the sudden urge to kiss him washes over you, but of course, you'd never act on it. "Like anal?"

"Yeah."

"I can see why Jaemin's into that."

"Why?"

"Just a thought."

You hum in acknowledgement, sliding your back down the couch until you're lying down on it. "I had an idea."

"What idea?"

"Okay," you sit back up, a serious expression on your face, "you don't have to agree, or say anything really, but I've thought about..." You bite your lip, suddenly not so confident anymore. Your eyes focus on the floor, then the wall, then your fingers, just anywhere that isn't Jeno. With this proposal, you could scare him away. "...maybe... you could... join-"

"Yes!"

"Oh?" You raise your head, looking at him with slightly risen brows, "That was fast."

"Ah," Jeno breaks out a smile, hand coming up to scratch at the back of his head, "sorry if that was weird. I'm just glad you mentioned it. I... thought about it for a while now."

"Me too," you say, tongue darting out to lick over your lower lip as you check out the way Jeno's dress shirt reveals his chest and collarbones. You wonder what he would taste like if you licked over his skin, you wonder how he'd smell if you breathed in right behind his ear, you wonder how he'd feel inside you... "I've tried talking to Jaemin, but I don't know if he's up for it... maybe we should sit down with him together?"

"I think that's a good idea."

"Thank you," you smile genuinely, "and thank you for trusting me."

"Thank you for considering me."

"Last night was wild, huh?" Jaemin grins as he digs into his breakfast, completely unaffected by the way both you and Jeno can't seem to pry your nervous eyes off him.

"Sure, very wild," you nod, nervous hands fiddling with your chopsticks.

"It was pretty wild, yeah, like you said," Jeno answers almost at the same time, grabbing for his mug for the third time in the past minute, only to watch the liquid for a split second, then place it back on the table.

"Did anything happen after I went to bed?" Jaemin laughs. Seemingly, he did take notice in the way you're behaving so weirdly.

"Ah, not really, right Jeno?"

"Yeah, exactly, just nothing," Jeno supports your statement with a nod, his lips pressed tightly together. Jaemin raises a brow at him, then you, and you send him a forced smile which leads to Jaemin placing his own chopsticks down next to his plate.

"Look, guys, please just tell me. I can't enjoy my meal with the way you're both looking at me like you're wearing full diapers."

You snort at the statement, holding your hand in front of your mouth, though it obviously does nothing to conceal it. Jeno's eyes are glued to the ingredients listed on the cereal, and you decide that now has to be the right time to address the topic.

"Alright," you turn your whole body to face Jaemin, clearing your throat in the process, "so, uh, how should I put this... um, me and Jeno here," – you gesture to the guy sitting across from you who's currently occupied with chewing on the skin around his fingernails – "...spoke..."

"It's totally fine if you don't want to," Jeno throws in, looking at Jaemin who's smile seems to falter with every word you put out there.

"Yes, totally! It's just that we found-"

"- we realized that-"

"- and that made me think-"

"- I just don't want it to be weird-"

"- it was definitely not an easy decision to make-"

"- just because we've been friends for so long and-"

"- I obviously love you-"

"Guys!" Jaemin's loud voice stops both of your rambling. Then he adds a little calmer, "just tell me what it is."

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes briefly to collect your thoughts, though Jeno puts it out there before you can even open your mouth to speak.

"A threesome."

Jaemin's eyes widen, the blinks once, very slowly, then really fast, then he repeats Jeno's words with a voice that is a little too calm for your liking. You frown, biting your lip nervously, eyebrows scrunched together in worry.

It's silent for a good while, and you don't even dare to look at Jaemin, much less at Jeno.

"You don't have to-"

"Now I understand why you've been mentioning him all this time," Jaemin mutters, more to himself than in response to you. You feel your chest tighten. All this time, it had been so much fun, planning it out, fantasizing, and speaking with Jeno, that you completely forgot the fact that Jaemin could dislike the idea. Fuck, what if he thinks that you're not happy with him, that he's not enough for you, that you want to cheat on him? God, you can't even imagine how he must feel right now, possibly just simply betrayed by the people he loves the most.

"Jaem-"

"I have to go," he states, standing up, his chair screeching on the floor as he pushes it back, then he leaves the room. Not long after, you hear the front door closing.

Shit.

It's normal for Jaemin to leave when he's upset, though it doesn't happen often, so you're not really used to the feeling of having to wait for him. You decided to do a little bit of cleaning to get your mind off of things, though it's not really working. Jeno's left soon after Jaemin, claiming that it would be weird if he stayed, and he had chores to do anyway.

As it begins dawning outside, you start to feel a little bit worried about Jaemin. He's been gone the whole day, and though you want to give him space to think things over, you just want to know that he's safe. Fortunately, Jaemin knows how to behave like a decent human being, even though he's possibly mad at you, and texts you.

Jaemin [21:28]

I'm fine, don't worry. I just need time to think.

You decide to leave it at that, going to bed later with worries clouding your mind.

The next morning, you wake up, fortunately finding your boyfriend fast asleep next to you. A heavy weight falls off your chest since, whatever he's feeling right now, it's not bad enough that he can't share a bed with you. Though your heart and body ache to cuddle up to him, you peel yourself out of the sheets and move to the kitchen to find something to eat.

Not long after, Jaemin joins you in the kitchen. You feel your heartbeat increase, feeling admittedly nervous around him at the moment. Honestly, you can't wait to talk it out, but you respect his boundaries enough to wait until he is ready. There is no use in talking about it before Jaemin's ready.

Hence, you sit down at the table, eating in silence as you scroll through your phone. Jaemin sits down besides you, and you can practically feel the tension in his shoulders in your own.

Suddenly, Jaemin breathes in deeply, turns to you, opens his mouth, but closes it again soon after. You know the moment has come.

"I thought about it," finally comes out, and you nod at him, curious about the outcome, "and firstly, I want to apologize for not taking it too well. I was just surprised, is all. When I thought about it, really imagined it, I slowly began to kind of like the idea."

He holds his hand out subtly for you to take, and you do, signing him that you're not upset or hurt. The bubbling excitement in your veins you try to force down, or at least away from your face and feet to not give it away with a grin or excited movements.

"I'm glad," you bring out, and Jaemin grins widely, a sight you'd missed the past 24 hours.

"So, when?"

"When?" Your eyes bulge out of your head. You'd not anticipated for him to be so into the idea.

"Yeah! I mean, after really thinking about it, I realized that I really want to. Soon!" Jaemin nods, and grins even wider, squeezing your hand harder to support his expression of excitement. A smile takes over your face, and Jaemin leans in to kiss your cheek.

Okay, Jaemin wants it, you want it, Jeno wants it, there is nothing stopping you.

A few days later, Jeno is over once again. He's yet to learn about Jaemin's response to the whole situation, but you and Jaemin decided that it would be much more fun to catch him by surprise. While you finish getting dolled up in the safe confines of your bedroom, Jaemin and Jeno hang out on the couch in the living room.

Fancy lingerie covering your body under your oversized shirt, you shimmy over to the living room, entering carefully to see Jaemin sitting there with a grin, as close to Jeno as always, whilst his best friend looks a bit like this is a job interview, completely stiff and unrelaxed. For a second, you feel bad for him, and wonder if you should've told him, but the thought slips your mind as soon as you make eye contact with Jaemin, who bites his lip at the sight of you.

"May I sit down?" You ask, startling Jeno just a bit, his eyes immediately darting down to your exposed legs.

"Of course," Jaemin grins even wider, and Jeno nods without a word, but a gulp.

You walk over to them, standing in front of Jeno who looks at you with wide, surprised eyes, then you sit down on his lap. Jeno's eyes widen even more, wildly looking around between you and Jaemin to understand if this is okay for everybody, though his hands instinctively come to hold your waist.

"It's okay," Jaemin mumbles, gently caressing the back of yours and Jeno's neck before gently guiding them towards each other, hinting that he wants to see you kiss. Heat curls in your stomach, excitement causing a gush of wetness to seep out of you into your flimsy underwear, and you involuntarily grind down against Jeno a little.

Jeno's now lidded eyes find yours, "yeah?" He asks, and you breath out the same syllable as an answer before diving in. Jeno's kiss against your lips feels different from Jaemin's, not better or worse, just different, and you close your eyes, humming into the kiss.

Suddenly, you feel Jaemin's presence closer to you, his breath hitting the sensitive skin of your neck before he places gentle kisses there, hands roaming over your body. At this, you moan, pressing your body down against Jeno's who seems to be having a similar reaction to you, whining quietly as his hips buck up, making you feel his forming bulge.

The kiss becomes messier, needier, there's so much tongue and spit involved that when you finally part to catch your breaths, there's a string of spit still connecting your lips. You breathe heavily, feeling almost overwhelmed, but you can't dwell on that feeling because just a second later, Jaemin presses his own lips against yours.

With Jeno, kissing is new and exciting, you got to test out how he reacts to different movements of your tongue, or when you suck on his lips, but with Jaemin, it's warm and familiar, he knows exactly how to kiss you to get you all hot and bothered. Now, with this mixture of both, the feeling of Jeno's cock pressing against your clothed core, and the fact that everyone here is so much into this, you feel yourself getting wetter by the second, heat taking over your whole form.

When Jaemin pulls away, you briefly gaze into his eyes, and he grins at you before turning to Jeno. His gaze is hazy, taking in the beauty of both of you, and he seems to be pretty out of it already. It takes you by surprise when Jaemin's eyes dart down to Jeno's lips, and you gasp as soon as Jaemin closes the gap between him and Jeno, and presses their mouths together. Jeno seems to be just as surprised as you are, but honestly, neither of you is complaining. You find that it is really, really fucking hot to see your boyfriend make out with his best friend, you grind down against Jeno even more, noticing the way only one of his hands guides the movements on your hips while the other is busy roaming Jaemin's body.

When Jaemin pulls back, their eyes are glazed over with lust. Jeno's lip is trembling a bit, and as they gaze into each other's eyes, you suggest to move over to the bedroom.

As quickly as possible, you scramble over into the bedroom. As your bodies hit the mattress, it's not long until your clothes are discarded somewhere on the floor, leaving you in nothing but your underwear.

Soon, you find yourself seated between Jaemin's legs, your back pressed against his chest as he gropes at your breasts. Jeno appears between your own spread legs, laying down on his stomach.

"Eat her out," you hear Jaemin's raspy voice behind you, and you mewl at his dominant behavior.

"Y-yes," Jeno answers, then questioningly finds your eyes to ask for your consent, to which you nod immediately. He gently peels your underwear off your legs, exposing your glistening hole to his eyes. He nothing but whimpers at the sight, then goes straight to work of licking a fat stripe over your folds.

You moan, pressing your hips forward against his face, your hands coming to grab at his hair, but Jaemin catches them before you can bury your hands in the older's locks, caging you between his arms.

A shudder washes over you, and Jaemin leans down to whisper into your ear, "just enjoy it."

Your brain feels clouded with lust as you nod weakly, trying to focus on the way Jeno begins sucking on your clit, but Jaemin's hot presence behind you, and the way his cock presses against your back, makes it hard.

"This is so fucking hot," you hear Jaemin say, as Jeno plunges his tongue into your hole. At this point, you're a panting mess, moans spilling out uncontrollably as you relish in the feeling of the two boys. "You're doing so well, Jeno."

Noticing the way Jeno's hips press against the mattress repeatedly, you feel the knot in your stomach tighten. And when Jaemin tells Jeno to push his fingers into you, it's not long until you feel it snap, clenching around Jeno's fingers as you cum hard.

"Good girl," Jaemin mutters into your ear, and you feel like you could cum again just from that. You wonder what's gotten into Jaemin to make him all dominant like this, but you can't really form any coherent thoughts at this point.

"G-good boy," you let out shakily, maintaining eye contact with Jeno who looks about as fucked out as you, and Jaemin chuckles behind you. Weakly, you move to the side, and as Jeno gets up, you notice the way his cock strains against the fabric of his underwear. He looks so fucking hot, you notice, taking in his strong muscles and the way they flex when he moves. You pull him closer by his neck, attaching your lips to his as Jaemin grabs ahold of Jeno's small waist, pulling him closer to himself until Jeno's laying on top of him.

Parting from Jeno, you take in their position, and your post-orgasm mind can't comprehend that it's happening, you're having a threesome, and Jaemin is so into it that he begins pressing Jeno closer against himself until the older's grinding his bulge against Jaemin's.

From your position, you can't do much but watch, but you don't mind at all, not with how fucking hot they look dry humping each other, desperate moans rumbling in Jeno's throat as he buries his face in the crook of Jaemin's neck. Jaemin's also moaning deeply, thrusting his hips upwards to meet Jeno's needy movements.

It seems like they're losing themselves, staring deeply into each other's eyes as they rut against one another. You notice Jeno's movements getting sloppier, his whines grow higher as he desperately humps against Jaemin for release.

"Such a good boy, Jeno," Jaemin mutters into Jeno's ear, sounding almost as desperate, and that's apparently all Jeno needs to come undone, shuddering as he releases a deep groan, hips bucking as he cums into his boxers. Jaemin's moaning out loudly as well, and you'd recognize that sound anywhere as you realize that Jaemin just orgasmed at the same time as Jeno. The younger's grinning once again, petting Jeno's head as the older's coming down from his high.

Jeno flops onto his side, breathing heavily with closed eyes, you wonder if he finds the situation as surreal as you do.

Donghyuck shrieks as he slaps your arm, excitedly trembling in his seat at your surprising news. "You fucked?"

"Yes." You smirk proudly, eyebrows raised confidently.

"Okay, then I don't understand why you're not spilling every single detail right now?" Donghyuck stares at you with faux distress, furrowed brows and an agape mouth accompanying his crossed arms in front of his chest, which makes you chuckle.

"Okay, so I sat on Jeno's lap and we kissed, then Jaemin kissed me, then Jaemin kissed Jeno, and-"

"Hold up." Donghyuck's eyes are widened, mouth agape before he catches himself, squinting at you. "Did I just hear that right? They... kissed?"

"I was surprised as well, but then we moved to the bedroom and Jaemin had the biggest dom-top-daddy-energy I've ever experienced when Jeno ate me out," you say, recalling the moments makes heat pool in your stomach.

"Holy shit," Donghyuck gasps, not really grasping that fact that this actually happened, holding his hand in front of his mouth dramatically to support his reaction.

"Yeah, and then they started dry humping each other like animals, i don't know, it was super hot," you sigh dreamily, biting on your forefinger.

"Wait- and what did you do during all of this?"

"I watched," you say, furrowing your brows, "duh!"

"You mean," Donghyuck leans forward, a serious expression on his face which you mirror, "they got each other off and you just sat there?"

"You make it sound bad, it was hot!"

"Sorry, sorry. I just can't believe you initiated a three-way and then you were third wheeling..."

Crossing your arms in front of your chest, you realize that he does kind of have a point. You had just watched for half of the time, and while it hadn't been a problem in that moment, you certainly see it now. Not that it is bad, you just find it odd. And you decide that it's something you should talk to Jaemin about.

"Honey, we should talk," you say as you step foot into your shared bedroom. Your boyfriend's sitting on the bed, ready to go to sleep like every other night waiting for you to finish up with your routine to join him under the covers. While his eyes were glued to the screen of his phone just a moment prior, he does look up at you as soon as you enter.

"Ooh, sounds serious," he grins, and you don't have it in you to send back anything but an awkward smile as you feel kind of nervous just slipping under the covers next to him. "Shoot."

"So about the other night, you know, when we invited Jeno to-"

"It was amazing don't you think?" Jaemin interrupts you with a certain sparkle in his eyes you've never seen before.

"Yes, but-"

"We should really do that again. I mean, if you're okay with it, we could go a little further even. I really enjoyed myself in this kind of dominant role. I liked watching you touch Jeno and the other way around," Jaemin explains excitedly, his whole body jerks happily making him seem like a bunny. You've never seen him quite like this, well, downright thrilled because of sex. You can't help but crack a smile.

"I liked it too," you admit. Jaemin's grin widens even further, eyes wandering down your face to look at your lips.

"You were so sexy, baby," he mumbles, the grin still evident, but his whole demeanor changes from goofy to sexy within seconds. It makes you gulp visibly. "Such a good girl for me and Jeno."

His hand lifts up to stroke over the side of your face, then slowly down your neck towards your chest. You shiver, thighs pressing together lightly without you even noticing. You hold steady eye contact with him as soon as his gaze meets yours again, biting your lip, nodding and humming in agreement.

Jaemin leans forwards, his lips ghosting over your own and just as you think he's about to connect them in a passionate kiss, he pulls back, hand grabbing your jaw instead. Your eyes widen in surprise and shock because who is this guy?! That does not feel like your Jaemin at all... but you're not opposed to it by any means.

"Why don't you be a good girl just for me tonight, and we can invite him another time again, yeah?" Jaemin's hand slides down to your throat, slowly moving to tower over you and guiding you to lay on your back with him on top of your body.

"A good slut just for Nana, yeah?" He whispers, and you nothing but whine as his lips finally press against yours. That night, he doesn't sleep with you, he doesn't make love to you like he usually does, but rather fucks you into the next century. You can't even count how many times he's made you finish. And every time he spilled his cum deep inside of you, making you think he's finally going to let you rest, he started moving all over again, ripping another orgasm from both of you.

"Babe~"

You sigh, half-playful, half-serious because Jaemin can't stop mentioning that he wants Jeno to join you again. You are thrilled, of course, because you finally found that one thing that gets him so excited, but at the same time, you're still a little worried. Worried because 1) you're scared of third-wheeling once again and 2) because you've been recently reminded that there are, in fact, actual feelings involved, and you're not sure how to deal with them yet.

On the other hand, it feels like it's been months since you've last laid your hands upon Jeno's gorgeous body, and as much as you want to be mature and deal with these aforementioned risks first, you can't completely shut down the possibly selfish part of your brain that's labeled We want Jeno.

And besides, are you really selfish if you're granting your boyfriend's biggest wish? I don't think so.

"Oh my God, just call him already!"

"Ai, thank you~" Jaemin kisses you wetly before storming out of the room to do exactly that, and you can't help but smile at him before wide-eyed-ly realizing that you're not ready to be greeting any guests so you strike over into the bathroom to take a shower.

An hour later, you almost draw a fat line of lipstick diagonally over your face as you jump as the door bell rings. Before you can even comprehend that you have to get up and open the door, you can already hear Jaemin's naked soles flop over the wooden floor with fast steps as he hurries to let Jeno inside. A smile forms on your lips as you imagine the excitement that must be flowing through him.

With a last quick spray of perfume, you sigh and get up, opening the door to greet Jeno as well. You're only halfway surprised as you find them pressed against the hallway wall, mouths clashing against one another in a feverish kiss.

Clearing your throat to announce yourself, you break them apart.

"Babe," Jaemin says breathlessly, his back pressed against the wall, and Jeno turns to face you, pure, primal lust displayed in his eyes as he leaves Jaemin be and takes too quick steps approaching you before wrapping his arms around your form and pulling you into a similarly heated kiss.

To say you're surprised would be an understatement, but you have no intent to stop him, your attention only on Jeno, the way his lips taste and the way his already forming bulge presses into your middle, and Jaemin's who's hurried over as well, pressing himself between the supple cheeks of your ass. This position feels suffocating in the best way possible, and Jaemin urges you towards the bedroom, quickly getting impatient at the lack of attention.

Jeno hoists you up, and soon after your back hits the mattress with a thud, four hands touching you all over, quickly peeling you and everyone else out of every single piece of clothing. You already feel a little hazy, core wet at all the attention you're receiving, heart thumping away happily in your chest as you're manhandled into a similar position as last time.

Jaemin's chest is pressed against your back, deep voice tickling at your throat while Jeno's fingers tease through your wet folds, praising you about how ready you seem for them, and you whine embarrassingly loud.

"Such a pretty girl, want Nana to fuck you, baby?" Jeno asks, and his confidence is a little unfamiliar considering his behavior during your last time together, and you briefly wonder whether they planned this out.

"Yeah, want Nana to fuck you?" Jaemin's voice tickles over your entire body like sweet honey, your head moving on it's own to nod at the question. Your gaze falls down to watch Jeno align Jaemin's cock with your hole – and God is it hot.

Jaemin thrusts into you from below, setting a slow pace of deep strokes from the start. The feeling alone is mind-blowing – of course, Jaemin knows how to use his cock – but the way Jeno's eyes are trained on where you and Jaemin are connected does things to you that you cannot comprehend.

Moans flow freely from between your lips, accompanying Jaemin's deep grunts and Jeno's gasps just as he leans in to wrap his lips around your clit. You nearly jump at the action, head falling back onto Jaemin's shoulder who just chuckles at your weakness.

"Hm, is he eating you out good?" Jaemin mumbles, then moans out. Your head snaps back up, taking in the way Jeno's tongue shifted lower to lick just where you and Jaemin are connected, then even lower to suck on Jaemin's balls.

Incoherent babbling falls from your lips as the knot in your lower tummy tightens, ready to snap at any time, and luckily they understand, Jeno coming back up to tongue at your clit, innocent eyes clouded with eagerness to please staring up at you.

The knot finally snaps with such force that you see white, cunt clamping down around Jaemin's length as you orgasm, with Jeno licking up everything your high has to offer.

Haziness clouds your brain. You're in the n-th position of the night, Jaemin and Jeno still going at it like insatiable rabbits. You're trapped beneath Jeno's body, his hot muscles pulsating above you, inviting your incoherent thoughts to wonder what it would feel like to sink your teeth into the pale flesh, with his cock hitting all the right spots deep inside you, his head thrown back and delightful grunts meeting your eardrums. Behind him is Jaemin, buried to the hilt inside of his best friend, pearly drops of sweat trickling down his temples, a lazy grin rounding his cheeks.

"'m gonna f-fucking-" Jeno can't even finish his sentence, his head dropping to lay in the crook of your neck, puffing clouds of exhausted, hot air against your sticky skin. A long whine accompanies his orgasm that he makes sure to fuck so deeply into you that you're sure you're going to spot your panties for the following week. Jaemin leans forward as well, creating direct eye contact with you as he snaps his hips a few more times, drawing tiny gasps from Jeno that you're only able to feel due to your undeniable closeness, then releases as well.

Dropping down beside you, everyone tries to catch their breath. Without much strength left in your muscles, you cuddle into Jeno, and Jaemin gently holds your hand in his. It's quiet, but it's not silent, it's cozy, but not stuffed.

"I fucking love you guys," Jeno says, and you're sure that he falls asleep mere seconds later. Love. Your eyes snap open, head lifting gently to find Jaemin already looking at you, a grin spreading wider the longer he watches you. Without words, you know what he's hinting at. This is just the beginning of something new, something great.

© 2023 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

[elumish]

Do you have any advice for writing characters I disagree with? I have a character who I think would be politically conservative, and I am not. They're not supposed to be good, but they should be likeable. I keep switching between giving them really bad strawman opinions and just giving them my own views, and none of those are right for the character. It's really difficult to get the nuance right.

I think the key here is thinking about how people end up with the beliefs that they end up with.

Whether it tracks through with facts, belief systems are generally built on some sort of logical infrastructure that would then show up in this character's thinking.

If you take anti-immigrant views, for example, there are a few types of things that you see, often ultimately based on fear and/or anxiety. One of the biggest fears is that immigrants are "stealing" people's jobs. This may be based on the character's own anxieties about economic access or instability, or it's based on having been fed a constant stream of media noise about it, etc. Alternatively, their fears may be about race or religion--about the idea that people with the same cultural, religious, and racial background as them will no longer be the majority. This may manifest in thinking about what "type" of country it is, or about economic or political access, or about fears of oppression by a previously marginalized group.

I'm oversimplifying a bit, but my point is this: people with every viewpoint, whether it's one we agree with or one with think is cartoonishly evil or anything in between, has a foundation to that view. That is how you write someone who believes something different from you: you decide what the foundation is of their beliefs and then you write them from there.

And sometimes you'll write them and hold your nose and say ick ick ick and know it's still the right way to write them because they accurately reflect a point of view that you hate.

(Also I just have to say - the concept of politically conservative, which was always a little complicated, has become extremely complicated in the last decade. Is their conservatism based in fiscal conservatism and being a deficit hawk? Is it based in the Christian right? Is it populist? Is it based primarily in racism? Are they a neo-con war hawk or an isolationist? Do they fall more in "everyone should pull themselves up by their bootstraps" or "we should be bombing abortion clinics"?)

As for making them likeable--you can't make every reader like them, no matter how you write them. But if they're supposed to be likeable to other characters, then that is likely to do more with personality than with beliefs. There are charismatic conservatives, there are kind conservatives, there are generous conservatives--maybe not to everyone, but to the people who they like (and, to be fair, liberals/progressives are not necessarily kind or generous to people they dislike, either).

Someone can have anti-immigrant views and be good with kids. Someone can have fiscally conservative views and be sweet to their husband or wife. Someone can be anti-feminist and help their friend move. Political beliefs don't preclude personal kindness or charisma.

[swaps55]

I have never heard of an epithet before! What does it mean?

This is a great question! You have probably seen many of them, and just not heard them referred to as epithets.

An epithet is more or less a descriptive word or phrase that stands in the place of a name or a pronoun, such as, “the taller man,” or “the brown-haired woman.” In my experience, fanfic writers in particular tend to latch onto them, especially when trying to create variety in scenes with two characters who share the same pronouns.

I’ll put my thoughts on them under the cut, because I have Opinions on epithets, but I am not An Authority. I’m not your mom. I’m not here to tell you what to do or how to write, and I’m not here to ruin your fun, but we all have the hills we’ll die on and this one is mine. If you are a fan of epithets, just give this post an eyeroll or the finger and scroll on. If you want to know more about epithets and why I think writers can and should avoid them, read on!

Let me get this out of my system: I loathe epithets. Do whatever you want with your oxford comma, but take your epithets out back and shoot them.

Okay, now that’s out of the way, I’ll be a little more constructive about the purpose epithets serve and why I think they are so frequently used poorly.

In my experience, they’re often used as a tool to avoid pronoun confusion, but it’s an inelegant tool that can become a crutch. You have two characters of the same gender in a scene, you have already used their names in a sentence, but the pronoun antecedent is unclear unless you name the character again. You don’t want to do that because it feels repetitive, so you pick out a physical quality and use that instead. Problem solved! Except instead of solve the problem, you’ve potentially introduced new ones.

Nuance is important, and to talk tools we should be using the same toolbox, so for the sake of this argument I’m going to assume we’re talking about 3rd person limited POV, because that’s what I generally see, read, and write the most of.

Chances are very high that the descriptor you chose for your epithet derived from you the writer’s perception of the character being described and not the POV character. This is important, because if you are writing in 3rd person limited, the way you describe other people is how the POV character sees the person being described.  

Now tell me. Have you ever thought of a close friend, a lover, or someone whose name you know as, “the taller woman,” or “the dark-haired man?” Have you ever thought about YOURSELF in these terms? Probably not. I have never looked at my Real Life Romance Option and thought of him as “the brown-eyed man” or “the taller man.” I’ve also quite frankly never consciously thought of him as “my lover.” Is he all of those things? Yes. But from my POV, those are never descriptors I would use for him. Once you know a person’s name, they tend to become Their Name and not ‘Random Characteristic” in your mental picture of them.

So when you default to Random Characteristic, it’s usually the writer talking, not the character. And chances are high that the characteristic you choose to represent is not something that is important to the POV character or the scene in that moment. Therefore, is it significant enough to the reader that it clearly identifies the character, or does the reader now have to stop and think, ‘wait, which one is taller?’ So instead of eliminate confusion, you may have actually introduced more of it.

And even if it is an important detail, stating it as a fact is generally a lot less effective than making it part of the character work being done in the scene. For example:

“Can you help me reach this?” Jed asks the taller man. Leo stops chopping vegetables to oblige, and snags the wine glass the shorter man couldn’t reach off the shelf.

Vs.

Jed sighs as he makes another futile swipe with his fingers and barely grazes the bottom of the shelf. He looks over at Leo, blissfully chopping vegetables in a world where stepstools are for other people. “Can you help me reach this?” Leo sets the knife down and looms behind him, effortlessly snagging the wine glass and handing it to Jed with a grin.   

Hopefully, the second example feels more impactful than the first, because the height difference became part of the scene, and not just a descriptor cosplaying as a pronoun.

Epithets become even more distracting when they become part of a prose style rather than just a means to avoid pronoun confusion or name repetition. I see a lot of writers make the stylistic choice to have a POV character refer to themselves as an epithet right alongside the epithets being thrown around for other characters, and there are so many crammed into a paragraph or two I can’t figure out who is doing what.

At best, epithets are distracting. At their worst, they’re actively confusing when their purpose is to do the opposite.

“But Swaps, if I don’t use an epithet, how do I avoid pronoun confusion without wanting to throw myself out a window?”

This is a problem every writer contends with, whether you’re writing same gender smut, combat, or just have two people of the same gender doing things in a scene together. And unfortunately, this is one of those ways in which writing is hard. When you have some pronoun confusion in a sentence you can’t wriggle your way out of, the answer is probably to try a different sentence. Break the sentence up. Structure it differently. Finding the better sentence is part of becoming a better writer. 

If repetition is what you’re concerned about, know that just saying a character’s name and using their pronoun is okay. It’s like ‘said.’ ‘Said’ isn’t a trendy word that goes in and out of style. It’s a building block word that blends into the background. Can you get fancier than ‘said?’ Sure! But do it with purpose. Don’t be afraid to use a character’s name. It’s their name. It’s what you’re supposed to call them. Why are we fighting so hard to respect people’s names and pronouns if all we’re going to do is replace them with epithets? (Kidding. Mostly.) And if you’re using their name so much it’s interfering with readability…it’s probably time to revisit a few of those sentences and figure out what the better sentence is.

When can you use an epithet?

I joke that there are no exceptions to my There Are No Good Epithets stance, but there are. Sort of. Because rules are made to be broken, though I do believe you should understand why the rule exists before you break it, and you should break it with purpose.

Here’s the easy one.  

Epithets are useful when the POV character doesn’t know a character’s name. Now you have to use something else! And here’s the great thing about that: the epithet is now a vehicle for characterization. What about this stranger stands out enough to get the POV character’s attention? Do they notice a physical characteristic? Clothes? Attitude? What does the thing they notice say about the POV character and the character being observed?

For instance, my POV character is eavesdropping on a conversation between two people in a restaurant. You could grab the low hanging fruit and describe them as, “the brunet woman” and the “older man.” Or you could make your scene work harder. “The man with the punchable face,” or “the woman who makes eye rolling an art form.” Or how about, “the woman wearing fake pearls,” shorthanded to Fake Pearls Woman, and “the man with the name-brand suit that’s seen better days,” shorthanded to Shabby Suit. Now you’ve said something about the characters that place them in a more useful context than their hair color – you’ve said something about them that helps inform the scene, and how your POV character observes the world around them.    

Are there other instances where you can effectively use an epithet? Yes, if you are using them like this: with narrative purpose. And in those cases, is it really just an epithet anymore? It is in that yes, it is a descriptor taking the place of a name or pronoun, but it’s doing a lot more heavy lifting now. Maybe you have a character who chronically can’t remember or can’t be assed to remember people’s names. The epithet is now a means of characterization. Maybe you have a Jekyll and Hyde style character, in which a descriptor of those different personas becomes a means of setting a scene or crafting their relationship with the POV character. These descriptors are narrative vehicles being used with intention. “The other man,” is rarely a tool being used with any real intention. If there is an instance of it, I have never seen it.

Now, if reading this makes you second guess your own work, or to feel like you write wrong, or if the thought of going to painstaking lengths to rewire sentences you would typically use an epithet in gives you hives, there’s an easy solution: forget about this post.

Because fanfic is supposed to be fun. It’s your hobby. You are not getting paid for it. You don’t have to use a specific writing style, or meet anyone else’s expectations. That’s part of what makes fanfic such a beautiful thing. You can do whatever makes you happy. Not me, not anyone else. If you fucking love using epithets, use them. If you think I am made of bullshit, give this post the finger like I initially suggested and write five epithets just to spite me. No one will stop you, certainly not me. Though I will continue hating epithets, because you can’t stop me, either. XD

[dollypopup]

penelope, intentions, privacy, and the infantalization of innocence

or: a call to see Penelope as the complicated character she actually is

there has been, for some good time now, a sense in the general fandom space that hinges on Penelope being a perfect angel who did everything she did out of altruism, or a feeling of separating or minimizing her actions through Whistledown, divorcing her from her decisions (in the classic 'she had no choice' or 'no one listened to her as Pen' fabrications). and i am here to, once again, beg for a nuanced look at her, and in particular those who cared for her whom she hurt deeply

let's dig in

Lady Whistledown is Penelope's coping mechanism, and it is clear from the first article she wrote. Penelope is posturing, putting on a front. This first article is the root of her intentions, the core of what she hopes for, and the mold for which she wishes to be. Just read some of these lines

I know people better than they know themselves. I can see what is happening behind closed doors better than those behind them.

This is an act, a falsity. Penelope *doesn't* know more about people than they know about themselves. How could she? She is largely ignored by the general populace. She wrote this article before she was even out in society. She had little access to balls or information, her sisters debuted with her, and her mother and father weren't particularly popular members of the community. What Penelope knew of others, she knew from external observations.

This is where the falsification first begins: she can't possibly see what is happening behind closed doors, but she wants to. Penelope is an outsider wanting to look in, wanting to look in so deeply that she understands and knows others in intimate ways without putting in the hard work of gaining their trust. LW being published before Penelope is out in the general society is proof of Penelope's powerlessness in the general scheme of Mayfair: and she has a right to feel that way. She is not particularly cared for in her own family, nor is she listened to by them. She is angry. Her friendship with Eloise is one in which two girls who are both frustrated with their circumstances come to meet.

The fact that such a thing could be printed with, essentially, her allowance, is also proof that she is disregarded as she is. No one notices when she is gone, she is, by and large, invisible. As such, she doubles down on the power fantasy of Lady Whistledown.

Do not try to close your doors tighter to protect your privacy as I may already be inside. And thus I will slowly get inside each and everyone's head.

I don't know about you, but reading that is chilling. Though of course I am taking it with the modern perspective of living in an age where privacy continues to be stripped, there's something particularly cruel about insisting that you are inescapable. It's written in a way that is intended as a threat, followed by

No need to panic, I will be fair, gentle reader

and this is where Penelope's intentions come in. Do I believe she genuinely and truly wanted to be fair? Yes. Do I believe Penelope has a well developed sense of what fairness entails? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And she's not SUPPOSED to. Because Penelope also perpetuates her own invisibility, even in the midst of her pride in writing Whistledown. Penelope punches down repeatedly, but she does not think she is doing so. For Penelope the person, she is 'exposing the truth' in a general sense of hard hitting journalism, but Lady Whistledown, her persona, cultivated a power others don't have. When she wrote of the unnamed Modiste unfavorably, she ran her out of business: because LW has the power and privilege of being heard, the power and privilege to ruin lives and reputations, to sequester people to bad opinions and derision.

And one of the first people she does this to is her mum and her family, including herself. In the very first LW article, she mentions only the Featheringtons and the Bridgertons, along with one other lady, Miss Boltenston, who Penelope writes would be best for a suitor who prefers bedtime conversation as opposed to other activities.

Three misses. Foisted upon the marriage market like sorrowful sows by their tasteless, tactless dear mama-- the luckless souls.

Then, when discussing the Bridgertons, the only people who have been seen as being genuinely nice to her, she writes that they're perfect, full of refinement, "four perfectly handsome sons and four perfectly beautiful daughters. Yes. Perfect, indeed"

but this isn't meant to be a compliment. In particular when we go back and listen to Eloise's hunt for LW and her conversation with Penelope at her door.

"Whistledown is someone free and unencumbered by society, she is a single woman of means, better yet she is a widow who would be invited to all the events but not paid any attention, so while you are at the ball-"

"Eloise I do not care! People have real problems, mature problems, problems that have nothing to do with the secret identity of some silly writer. " "And you are so mature now?" "I am of age, I am out in society, therefor I have more important mature things to worry about." "Like what?" "Like marriage." "You do not care about marriage." "What if I do!? I do not expect you to understand. Not everyone can be a pretty Bridgerton."

There's a resentment that Penelope has for the Bridgertons. She loves them, absolutely, but we can't sit here and deny that Penelope isn't jealous and doesn't discuss it or dig deeper into those feelings to unwrap or unlearn them. There are reasons for it, of course, but this is a facet of her character that often gets overlooked. And it keeps her from opening up. To Colin and to Eloise.

I exhaust of the perfect Miss Penelope Featherington, always the victim of other people's harms, always doing everything she does because she's such a #good person. It leaves the door shut to her growth. Penelope has good INTENTIONS with bad outcomes. She hopes that she will, herself, not be corrupted by the power she so criticizes others for misusing, but she falls into the same pitfalls and that is compelling as hell to explore.

My intention is not to shed any blood but to shed some light on the true events in our society. My words, though might be hurtful, are not meant to be mean. They are meant to be fair . .be prepared to hear the truth about yourself and your kin.

I'm glad she acknowledged that her words would be hurtful, though she hides behind what she intends as opposed to the outcome. Because she absolutely did shed blood, she genuinely could have killed Marina with what she published. And after she does so, she comes back from it still owning that bloodshed, for she writes things such as 'sharpening my knives for you' and hailing her pen as a weapon. There's no indication she wrote to her cousin or offered any support or condolences. She has to ask Colin how Marina is doing, as though she does not know on her own.

Penelope wants to be a good person who does good things. But goodness is not black and white and Penelope falls deeper and deeper into her LW persona internally whilst pretending she is unchanged on the exterior.

There's a line in the book, when she says 'Maybe I grew up' and that's what I need from her in S3. This is, largely, a very long essay more so in response to a fandom version of Penelope than the real Penelope, because the show does show her actions as being wrong. Penelope cries and agonizes over her choices because she knows they aren't good, but she does them anyway because her idea of what should happen matters more than other people's agency in their decisions.

People talk about how Eloise was a bad friend to Penelope, how she didn't listen to her, but in reality, Penelope did not actually talk to her, save to tell her she has different life goals than Eloise does. So many moments in which Penelope could confide in her that she does not take.

In particularly, I think about after Penelope's father passes, and Eloise visits her. This comes at the heels of Penelope exposing Marina's pregnancy to the ton and publicly destroying Colin's engagement to her, as well as Eloise saving her from being caught by the Queen.

"The ones we love have the power to inflict the greatest scars. For what thing is more fragile than the human heart?"

And then Eloise comforting her. Telling her

"I am here, Pen, to help you to find a reason every day to enjoy in the absence of your dear Papa. I know you shall miss him."

to which Penelope replies with

"Share something good. What happened with Whistledown? Did you save Mdm. Delecroix?"

No discussion of how she actually feels, only a deflection, even as Eloise assures her she has a friend. But Penelope already knows what Eloise will tell her with this response, and also knows that she has the wrong idea of who Whistledown is, but she would rather have a conversation she knows the outcome to than spill open to her closest friend. That's lonely as hell. Penelope forces herself to be apart, as well. It's a behavior she needs to unlearn.

Penelope keeps her own secrets but cannot allow others to do so. She spirals in what she perceives to be her own powerlessness whilst her actions have the most impact, good and bad, upon near everyone in her vicinity.

Eloise tells her: "You are my friend, and I do not wish for secrets to set us apart" and though Penelope agrees, she does not confide in her. Even when it comes to Eloise's relationship to Theo and her burgeoning romantic feelings for him, something she confesses to Penelope, asking if she can relate, Penelope does not offer the same vulnerability. Instead, she insists that people already know about her relationship with Theo, and Eloise trusts her, though it's untrue. No one else was talking about Eloise and Theo, and yes, Penelope writing about her as LW was wrong and awful, but a more intimate pain she inflicted was that Penelope was encouraging Eloise away from him and away from her own feelings.

Eloise even tells Theo: "People are already talking about us" when they almost kiss as a reason for them to stop seeing each other. But no one is. This is a lie Penelope tells Eloise.

and this takes me to the final act of it all: People DO listen to Penelope. The people who MATTER listen to her and encourage her. There are constant discussions of how Eloise does not listen or how Colin didn't listen, but looking back at those conversations and interactions: Eloise and Colin listen to Penelope very closely, in fact.

Eloise repeats things Penelope says to her, trusts what she says. Yes, she is often talking to Penelope and 'using her as a sounding board' because that is what friends do. Balance comes when both parties do so. Penelope does not do the same back. She does not discuss, she does not say what she means, what she feels, what she believes.

And she does the same to Colin. Colin who wrote her letters for months. Colin who recognizes her intentions. Colin who talks to her about his hopes and plans, an action she does not reciprocate up until S2 when they talk after the botched wedding. Even when Colin asks how she's been after they meet for the first time that season, she lies and says it's all fine. This comes from an assumption from her that he doesn't care about her because he doesn't love her romantically, but Colin obviously cares a lot for Pen. Even in S1 he cares about her deeply and earnestly. I don't understand the narrative of him not listening to her, because I think he listens to and hears her more than almost anyone else does.

Even in this conversation

"I believe you deserve to know" "Is there something on my face? Has it been there all evening? It has hasn't it? Sorry, go on." "I have wanted to talk to you since the engagement was announced but we have always been in company" "So this is something about Marina?" "Her heart belongs to another." "What?" "His name is Sir George Crane, he is a first son, a soldier, they rent the neighboring properties in the country, I am sorry Colin, but I have seen their love letters. I thought you should know before it is too late." "You really are very good, you know that? Do you think that I would care she had fond feelings for another before we met? It would be rather rich of me considering I've flirted with half the girls in London at one point or another." "No, you misunderstand, this was no mere flirtation, Marina loves this man, she loves him still." "And yet she is marrying me."

This conversation is often cited as proof that Colin doesn't listen to her, but reading it: he is listening very clearly. She told him Marina loved someone else before, he replied that it doesn't matter (can we take a moment to applaud him for this, also? that's a really mature response from him) and then when she tries to clarify, she does so by telling him that she loves someone else. But that's not what she actually wants to say.

What she's saying is to dissolve the engagement and she believes Colin the kind of person who would cut ties with someone who loved someone else before, but he isn't. It's not that he isn't listening to her, it's that he IS and he isn't responding in the way she wants. This scene is ALSO Colin asking Penelope to understand him, to understand his choices, to support him as well. He ends this conversation with a plea: Trust me, Pen, do not fret. Asking for her to take him seriously. Instead of trusting him, trusting him to his decisions, trusting him with the truth, she instead takes matters back into her own hands.

Because what she publishes is

"As if the Featheringtons did not have enough to be dealing with, Miss Marina Thompson is with child. And she has been from the very first day she arrived in our fair city."

That is HEAPS different from what she talked to Colin about, but it solidifies her innocence to him, because at the core of it, she wants PARTS of what Whistledown is, but not all of it. She WANTS Colin to see her as good and she wants to have a soft love story with him, all at the cost of who she actually is. She sanitizes herself for Colin because she does not understand or cannot face that he already has affection for her as she already is, that she can trust him for who HE is. He isn't in love with her (yet) because she hasn't shown him who she is in her entirety, but he DOES love her, regardless.

(Which I think is so beautiful. Here is a person who refuses time and time again to be open and vulnerable (because of her own trauma and complications, no shade, we've all been there) and yet he sees that she's special and keeps opening the door for her to talk to him. Let it never be said that Colin doesn't have a special place for her in his heart, regardless of a SINGULAR comment of his that she heard out of context)

Colin and Eloise are constantly asking how she's doing, constantly leaning in to see what she says, and the brief moments in when she confides in them, they obviously keep it close and recognize those moments as being special. It's Penelope who has to contest with the mortifying ordeal of being known: and that is her character arc. Her character arc is not that she did nothing wrong because no one else would listen, they do, but even when they don't (and Marina doesn't HAVE to listen to her about dissolving the engagement. Marina had to look out for her own wellbeing and the wellbeing of her future family and she had every right to considering everyone proved to her that no one else will) Penelope has Eloise and Penelope has Colin, two people who care deeply for her. Who she has written about and betrayed trust in. Who she needs to apologize to and make amends. And no, an apology is not 'I'm sorry, but I did it because X', Eloise didn't want excuses from Pen, she wanted accountability, and she was right to demand it.

Because the beautiful thing is that we have ALL hurt our friends, we have all been the bad friend, and we have all fucked up immensely, and such things make us human and capable of change, something Penelope is continuously denied as a character in the uwu perfect baby narrative that gets cultivated.

I think this quote sums up her dissonance very well

"Perhaps I will come forward one day, though you must know dear reader, that decision should be left entirely up to me."

at the end of it, this is a conversation about trust and agency. Penelope upholds her own privacy, her own right to secrecy, and denies everyone else the same, including people who adore her. Colin and Eloise and Marina all become villains in this light as opposed to what they actually are: People with their own wants and dreams who also deserve their own right to privacy. And my personal hope is that with who LW is in the show, Penelope recognizes that she doesn't need that persona as a coping mechanism. Not in her friendship with Eloise and not in her romance with Colin. She does not need LW to be heard because she *is* heard. She only needs to say what she really means.

In her very first article, Penelope writes

"Hiding behind this paper is a brave person who can protect herself with a pen."

but when Eloise tells her she is "Sequestered here in this very room, writing your secret little scandal sheet, tarnishing everyone in town, all because you are too scared to stand up for yourself in reality" she takes that to heart and gets defensive and furious because at the core of things, it's TRUE. it hurt her *because* it was true. Penelope does NOT stand nor speak up for herself in the light, only in her writing. and it doesn't have to be that way.

her character arc is growing to the point where she can do so. where she no longer needs LW to speak on her opinions or how she feels, where she doesn't rely on it. her character arc IS to become brave. people ALREADY like her. they already see her insight as valuable. LW is a coping mechanism Penelope used because she thought no one else listened, but they prove her wrong and she has to grapple with that. she is loved and she needs to learn to accept it. she is loved and she did bad things. she can make mistakes and still be loved. she can own what she's done and know she is surrounded by people who care for her to the point of accountability.

and isn't that just so much more satisfying?

[epersonae]

I wrote this originally as a reblog of something else, but after letting it sit in drafts for a while realized it needed to be its own thing. (but do go read that post, it was what got me thinking in this specific direction) I have not edited it much, other than to remove some intro about the kind of shitty day(s) I was having in my non-online life that were part of why I wrote something and then sat on it.

I have been thinking about

Don't like, don't read

(I saw this with rainbow text, and I asked how the fuck to do that, and frankly I don't have that level of patience, so just imagine it rainbow I guess)

And..........

Sure? We're all just here to have a good time or whatever, and Just Like Stuff, and it's exhausting being a hater (but also [stares at people I know who I've seen say all that and who are also ABSOLUTELY haters in private])

But I want something more nuanced than that. I mean that as both:

a writer of things I know other people have taken issue with (including, I remembered today, something that I heard secondhand about, in addition to the vagueblogging I've mentioned in an earlier post about my older fic)

and a reader/art appreciator who has some issues with things I've tried to read and art I've seen.

I don't what it is or how it works or how to get from here to there. I don't even really know how to do this with people I'm close to! (with the exception of having been a thoroughly obnoxious beta constantly saying "make me believe this could even happen", or pointing out conflicts with canon or whatever) I tend to silently nope out and then change my opinion of the person without ever telling them, because yeah, I'm horrifically conflict averse.

Which is why this might sit in my drafts for a long time.

And then, outside of friendships, and Difficult Conversations or whatever

I don't like pile-ons. I don't like a couple of people trying to articulate what bugs them about a piece of writing, and maybe being awkward or clumsy about it, and immediately getting drowned out by "you're being mean to my friends". (and I say that as someone who has had friends' writing receive this sort of critique! Multiple friends!) Maybe the immediate answer is, yes, the back button, but it has to be possible to dissect what's bothering you about a piece of writing (or a trope, or a ship) without it being negativity or an attack.

Here, I'll go first, because these are two things in OFMD fic that bug me endlessly, that writers I like have written, and I think they exhibit a subversion of the source material that is counter to the actual themes of the show.

Note: since I wrote all of this, I have written a little bit about my sort of complicated feelings about a fic that imho is an original novel in a trenchcoat, a sort of fic lacroix despite being very good. these examples are in the same vein as that.

Inevitable fucking disclaimer: I don't think people are wrong or bad for doing these things, I'm not going to try to make anybody stop, I practice don't like don't read (and I have some exceptions that I've enjoyed despite it being something I don't like generally)

Enemies to lovers: the whole point of Ed and Stede is that they click perfectly and immediately. They like each other! From the very first minute it's friendship and mutual admiration and delight and attraction. Enemies to lovers is a cliche that belongs to a different story entirely. I wish people would think more before jumping to that trope. (I've had an AU in my head for months that I absolutely cannot write until I solve this problem from the AU's source material) It's an interesting question to me, actually, why it seems to be so easy to write characters who don't like each other and then somehow fall in love, when the source material shows them liking each other SO MUCH right away.

Younger than middle aged: again, the whole point is that they are changing their lives, that their midlife crises brings them to the point where they can find love. I think it's a djenks Themes and Motifs thing, to have a story about getting to this point in your life and really looking at it and going "am I where I need to be?" Also it's incredibly unique and special to me after the last few years of my own rolling midlife crisis. (petty thought that I have sometimes: it is a failure of imagination about or knowledge of actual middle-aged people) Tbh, this goes double for age difference, I will nope out of that even faster than both of them being young.

And I think there's something about being able to not like something and still not be a dick about it, to know enough about what you do like to look at something and say "this doesn't work for me and here's why", to engage thoughtfully and critically (and yeah occasionally in public) while still having respect for the other person.

I am thinking also of @emi--rose and @frommybookbook and music, and their efforts to find kpop and Taylor Swift, respectively, that I might enjoy, because I don't like most of either, and I think this thing we've been doing is helping all three of us understand more about what we all do and don't like.

[pausing to think]

It occurs to me, also, that I spent a lot of time griping while editing for the benefit of all the broken hearts, about having to go back and do a lot of set up/rewriting to make some of what happens in that read plausibly. And I was soooooo bitchy about it and also that critique was all correct and it made the story stronger even aside from making it more "canonical", whatever the fuck that means in that particular setting.

And that was in the particular creative intimacy setting of working with a beta, which is different, admittedly, from random critique on the open internet.

But then I spent a while, back in the day, immersed in the TAZ questions of "is Lucretia a lesbian?" and "can Magnus ever love again?" and I wrote my rarepair (and associated polycule shipping) very much from my id, and a certain amount of "you can't tell me that didn't happen" that was based on overidentification and personal experience, but there were definitely people who were pretty publicly "ew" about it, and I had to think through my position, and both decide what felt true about and also decide to write from my weird heart, but not blindly.

Idk, I've written all of this and I'm just landing on

I think introspection is nice.

I think it's good to do, I think it's worth thinking about what you like and don't like, and maybe where that comes from, and not in a puriteen way but with sincerity and curiosity. I would like to support and encourage that spirit of artistic introspection.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Out of curiosity, what's your opinion on the official VIZ translations of YuuMori? I've...... felt there's something "off" about them, since about volume 5, but haven't quite been able to put my finger on why, and/or am not sure if I'm just being nitpicky (so I figured I'd ask someone with more Japanese experience than myself lol).

Honestly? I haven't read significant chunks of it because I was reading the Japanese way ahead of the official releases by then and I don't really re-read much. I keep them to support the series and to hold them and smell them and in case something awful happens to the internet and sometimes for quick image references.

But I do have an entire rant about the translation of chapter 31 and the mistakes made in it.

I'm not sure if they got a new translator or what. That bit in volume 3 where they changed the very first "Liam" to "William" really threw me off because what? It wasn't subtle and I couldn't figure out what they were going for there.

All translations need to take liberties with the source material, and especially JP->ENG because the structure of sentences is so different. So some of it is inevitable. But some of it is just. Straight up wrong.

I think it might also be a product of the fact that YuuMori is a complicated little series with a lot of subtle images and metaphors woven through and small details that really contribute to a whole but if you're not reading the material for understanding and reading all of it, you're going to miss it.

Like, changing "Nii-san" to "Will" isn't inherently...wrong? It sounds much more natural than "Brother" all the damn time, and it's largely equivalent. But when you know that William's original name has never been made clear to the reader, it starts mucking things up. In most situations, it would be a perfectly reasonable localization. It's the intricacies of this series that make it fall apart.

So it might also just be that as the series gets more complicated and the little bits start weaving together, a translator not reading to read it and really having time to think about the series as a whole, the translations start to get more and more off in this kind of series.

And translators just don't have that kind of time and aren't paid for that kind of thing. I get it. I do. But it's really frustrating as a big fan of the nuances and details, of course.

[thelordofgifs]

Writing Year Wrapped

Thank you for the tag @eilinelsghost - what a lovely idea!

3 Favourite Fics You've Written This Year

the fairest stars (T, 78k, in progress). So much of myself has gone into this fic since I started writing it all the way back in February. I love all the characters (Maedhros and Maglor my beloveds!!), I love how much it's taught me about plot and structure and evil cliffhangers, and I love sharing it with all my wonderful kind enthusiastic readers!

Ilimbë (T, 15k, complete). This was a new venture for me, both genre and ship-wise, but it was just so much FUN. I like writing things that make me feel clever, and this is probably my most unabashedly pretentious fic. But also baby Fëanor is everything to me now.

in the breaking (G, 2k, complete). I used to call this my best m&m fic, although tfs is probably my best m&m fic. But in the breaking is still one of my favourite explorations of their tragic tender codependent dynamic.

3 Fics That Stretched You the Most

Inflection (G, 10k, complete). This one was SO hard to write - getting the first draft out was very much blood, sweat and tears. The nuances of the kidnap fam dynamic are very hard to get right, balancing the canonical love with Elrond and Elros' genuine trauma. I'm still not entirely sure I got it quite to my satisfaction, but I'm pleased with the final result all the same.

the fairest stars. Yes I'm listing it twice. I'm very fond of tfs, but plotting it out can be SO hard sometimes (which is one of the reasons why part 31 is taking a while to write). I just counted and there are TEN separate plot threads to keep track of at the moment, which is... a Lot.

the salt of the sea (E, 2k, complete). Shoutout to my first proper smut! Definitely a new venture for me (I hadn't written this pairing before, either). People were very kind about it, though.

3 Favourite Lines You've Written

Maedhros has never loved anyone without making of them a god – it is all tangled together in his mind, worship with affection, ardour with idolatry. (tfs, part 29)

To love Maedhros, he has long known, is to grieve him. (tfs, part 22)

Fëanor had never been kissed before. It took him a moment to respond, but then he found he was kissing Nerdanel back and it was the easiest, most familiar thing in the world; her messy curls were brushing his face and one of her strong sure hands had travelled down to rest against the small of his back and there was nothing that had ever been more real than the warmth of her pressed against him; she was certainty itself, as solid as marble, no crafted thing to be shaped and changed, but a maker and a preserver and a promise of forever; and her mouth against his was hot and sweet and golden as the taste of a Laurelin-ripened peach. (Ilimbë)

3 Characters You Enjoyed Writing (that surprised you)

Lúthien! I didn't have many thoughts about her before starting tfs, but she's one of my favourite characters in it now, and so essential to the themes of the story.

Fëanor was a struggle to wrap my head around initially: in my opinion one of the biggest flaws of all those that follow, for example, is the way Fëanor only appears at the edges of the narrative, when I could really have stood to flesh his relationship with Fingolfin out a lot more. Writing Ilimbë really helped me gain a much better understanding of what makes him tick, which was very satisfying, and I do think his characterisation is one of the biggest strengths of that fic.

gonna cheat slightly for the third one and say all my little baby OCs from the glassmaker! OC-centric fic isn't something I'd tried before, but I'm very fond of them now.

3 Unexpected Inspirations

Maedhros' hair in in the breaking is this whole important thematic thing, but the truth is. I also have very long and silky hair and it is a PAIN to deal with. You cannot picture the number of times I have sat on my bed at 1am furiously yanking a hairbrush through it and gone "DID it take long hours to brush out to smoothness again? you fucking bet." Sadly I do not have a codependently devoted sibling to tenderly brush my hair for me, so I have to do it myself.

tfs was initally inspired by some tumblr discourse about Beren and Lúthien's motivations in stealing the Silmaril! which I think is kind of neat. It strikes me as very indicative of the collaborative nature of fandom: a couple of people have a debate, and then someone else goes away and writes fic about it, and then people draw art of the fic... and on the cycle goes.

an ancient song is a very small little ficlet, but it was also inspired by some tags on a tumblr post! Always fun when that happens.

3 WIPs You're Excited About in the Upcoming Year

Ooh, now I feel like I'm committing to having these finished in the next year...

The Unburied: the longfic I am very slowly working on, and managed to put 20k words towards in November. It follows Fingon as he crosses the Helcaraxë and Maglor as he rules in Mithrim, ending with the first rising of the Sun. I am excited about this fic, but it's an ambitious project and very challenging! Also my brain can't really handle working on two different longfics at once, so it's on the backburner until tfs is finished, and who knows when that will be tbh.

boats against the current: another rather old WIP that is complicated and difficult to plot out. This one is the "Maedhros doesn't swear the Oath" AU. Still very attached to the idea! Maybe I'll get somewhere with it soon.

sore must be the storm: my shortest WIP! Surely I can sit down and finish it in the next few weeks (I have been saying, for months). Just some (messy and complicated) russingon after Fingolfin's death.

3 People Tagged to Share Theirs

No-pressure tags for

@searchingforserendipity25

@that-angry-noldo

@welcomingdisaster!

[thetypedwriter]

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow Book Review

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow Book Review by Gabrielle Zevin

This book fell into my lap. I usually don’t put much stock into other people’s opinions on books, but I had sooooo many people tell me to read this book—people I admire and look up to. So, of course, when my fiance procured a copy for himself, I decided to join him. 

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow is a book by author Gabrielle Zevin about a boy and a girl who make games together. That’s it, that’s the whole plot. It always amazes me when authors can take such a simple narrative and turn it into a beautifully crafted tale. 

The book itself is exquisitely written, with elegant prose, tasteful pacing, enchanting characters, and a rich timeline that starts with the characters’ childhoods and follows them well into their late thirties. 

The two characters are the creative, yet self-deprecating Samson Masur and the lovely and brilliant Sadie Green. The two meet as children in the hospital where Sam is recovering from a horrific car accident and bond over playing video games.

Little does Sadie know that Sam hasn’t spoken to a single person since the accident. Not one word—until Sadie. 

Following these two characters well into their adulthood makes you feel like you really know them. They’re complicated and messy, traumatized and hopeful. They have likes, dislikes, annoyances, flaws, struggles, and dreams. 

The gift of Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow is getting to know these two characters as well as you could know a real life person—an almost unimaginable task for a writer to do.

Because the plot is so simple (albeit still fascinating to see the progress and evolution of video games from the 1990’s to the 21st century) Zevin can focus wholeheartedly on Sam and Sadie’s characters, a literary choice that pays off in droves.

The way Sam and Sadie’s relationship changes over time makes the reader reminisce on their own friendships, especially childhood ones. As a book, it highlights the beauty and nuances of having someone you can call a best friend–emotions and ties that can mean more than romance.

The way Zevin portrays their relationship is nothing less than art. That isn’t to say that Sadie and Sam don’t fight or have their issues because oh boy, do they ever. But that’s life. Life is messy and unpredictable and as human beings we are vulnerable to insecurities and mistakes. 

Having double POV’s isn’t always my favorite, but in this case it was crucial. Seeing both sides allowed you, as a reader, to see how perception plays a role in us all.

A situation from Sadie’s POV points Sam as uncompassionate and unfeeling. From Sam’s POV you gain understanding and empathy—you piece together why he is doing what he’s doing, altering your omniscient perspective on the whole situation. 

It was splendidly crafted. 

As I’ve stated many many times before, I am a character driven reader. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow is a character driven narrative all the way through.

More than magic battles or surprising plot twists, I found myself moved by the daily lives of two individuals trying their best. I was encouraged by their success and heartbroken by their losses. I felt like Sam and Sadie were my friends and I loved their story as if it were my own. 

If I were to have any criticism of this book it would be that all the problems could have been avoided if the characters just communicated with each other.

This isn’t a new issue. I have this problem with TV shows, other books, movies, etc. If people properly communicated, you wouldn’t have the challenges that arise (you also wouldn’t have a plot). 

While in some cases I can understand why Sadie and Sam would keep things from each other, for two people who spend an inordinate amount of time together you would think that they would…you know, talk more about their thoughts and feelings. 

I do think that Zevin took some liberties with how often Sadie and Sam kept each other in the dark while still proclaiming the other person to be the only soul on the planet who “really knows them” but it’s a forgivable error and one easily forgiven. 

Recommendation: If you like character driven stories as much as me (and video games to boot), then Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow will be your next addicting read. Like a video game, you’ll start it up, hit the next level, and be consumed until you reach the boss fight at the end. 

Score: 8/10

[brawlite]

for your d/s pov poll, were you surprised by the results? what's your own opinion on it? did it end up helping you make your decision? (writing my own d/s fic and so curious about your thoughts)

[for anyone curious about the poll/results, here's the poll on tumblr and here it is on twitter]

painting rly broad strokes of my deeply unscientific poll, about 50% of people (slightly lower on tumblr than twit) preferred reading a fic from a sub's pov. a quarter(ish, slightly higher on twitter) preferred dom pov, and the rest had a nuanced answer they left in the comments.

one of the comments i did see often on both tumblr & twitter was some variation of "feels like there’s SO much more sub pov that dom pov is extra special to me" (this quote is from @windcalling, thank you, i loved the way you said this!!).

the overall results of the poll weren't surprising to me; i kind of assumed people would rather read sub pov, given anecdotal evidence from life and similar discussions/posts -- but the recurring comments about a non zero number of people enjoying dom pov because there were fewer fics of that nature/because it was more "unique"? that WAS surprising. and kind of refreshing! also, i guess i was a little surprised that the percentage of people who have an overall preference for dom pov was as high as it was, given my earlier lack of surprise over people preferring sub pov.

one of my other favorite comments, and one i really resonated with, was from @acinonyxian, who said "[...] but generally i want to be from the perspective of the person who is having the worse time/greater internal conflict/more potential for growth or change" which is -- honestly, exactly my preference for writing something: the pov whoever is having the worse time. conflict is fun & challenging to write.

on your question of my own opinion: on writing: personally, i find it easier to write sub pov, like a little cheat -- something about all of the reactions being right there and more obvious to the readier, and if they're having a bad time about it? so easy to wallow in and make the reader wallow in, too -- but more fun to write dom pov -- it's an observation of someone else's reactions. it's picking apart something from an outside, limited perspective. its about the satisfaction of completing a difficult puzzle, the reward of putting in a lot of effort and seeing it come to fruition -- and it's also about control. which is, you know, fun. on reading: yeah, i definitely have to go with whoever is having the worse time, & that is not always the sub pov character, though often is.

to be totally honest, it didn't really help me make my decision. i actually wanted to write the fic in question (eddie/tommy from 9-1-1), the one that spurned this poll, from tommy's pov, as the more dom character, but i also wanted to included a lot of eddie/buck pining, and that... wouldn't be possible if it wasn't from eddie's pov. so, alas, i had to ditch the idea of tommy salivating over eddie on his knees. sometimes, sacrifices must be made for the greater good. i guess. :/

(but the results did inspire me to write more of my d/s kniveswood fic from knives' dom pov, so it's not nothing! and, ngl, these results will probably also color my pov thoughts in the future, too -- i like writing dom pov and its nice hearing people enjoy reading it.)

best of luck with your d/s fic, anon! let me know what pov you end up going for, and why!! i'm curious!

[hanzajesthanza]

i must add my two cents to your wonderful video essay. firstly, brilliant research, hats off. what i want to talk about is polish history intertwined in the saga. i first read the witcher as a 12 year old, and didn't put so much perspective on this aspect then. it taught me a lot about war, sure. but thank you for widening my point of view. I've been thinking about it and realised that Jarre's story says a lot about how war seems to the Poles who read about war in history books after becoming free of the communistic grip. basically, what we have now is the cult of patriotic insurgents, of dying in the name of motherland. they are much more important heroes than a lot of our inventors. so many young people died in a hopeless fight. so many brilliant minds. that's what i think when Nenneke says to him that he can't go, because that's not this thing, that his life will go to waste. during ww2 our oppressors firstly took all our intelligence and murdered them. and those who fled, were later considered cowards. those who couldn't fight were ashamed. Jarre's part of the story illustrates it, his ideals and how useless his suffering is in this war. that's reality.

literally ugh… that’s probably one of the best characteristics of the witcher and hussite trilogy, war and battles being depicted realistically, in that realism it’s not glorified, but we are shown the futility, senseless violence, nauseating fear, with any victory pyrrhic… through not only the eyes of “professional soldiers” but also through thise of “average people”.

and how on what we might believe to be “the good side” there is actually a lot more complexity to it, and it’s not just black-and-white. as for instance, jarre is shown the horrible sides of the northern forces, innocents being killed for spreading “defeatism and desertion”. and here then returns the question of lesser and greater evils.

i don’t know if i explained my personal opinion on this so much in the essay (i was trying to remain a little objective, since criticism for netflix usually gets into a lot of subjective opinion rather than trying to present facts) but this perspective of war, which in the essay i attribute to the witcher’s polish identity, was something which made the books particularly interesting to me as an american reader—

because i’ve never been drawn to war stories in fiction. the war stories i knew were all the same and like “soldier gets drafted—makes friends in his group but is then exposed to violence—comes back and can’t cope,” which, to be true, is an honest and real depiction of a lot of american veterans’ experiences, i’m not denying that; but it was so steeped in either a black-and-white depiction of a good side vs bad side (without, for example, in narratives about the vietnam war—ever considering the perspectives of the vietnamese, only those of the american soldiers 🫥) where the quote-unquote “enemy” is largely dehumanized and whose motivations are never explored, only that they’re wanting to kill “us,” so they need to be killed, and-or a “hero” narrative, where the story largely follows the experience of only one soldier and his personal journey. so reading how war is depicted in the witcher, i was very struck by the nuance in moral and political complexity, the multiple POVs, and how it’s not a foreign war they’re shipped off to fight, but one for survival, on their own soil. i’m of course not saying that the witcher is the only media ever that does this (lol), but it was my first exposure to this kind of war story—and it was probably so because it’s a fantasy saga, which i wasn’t expecting such realism from.

and it actually is a main focus of the saga, as well, not inconsequential background. and even if you dgaf about “politics” and only pay attention to the main characters’ storyline, this kind of war of lesser and greater evils also plays out with them—for instance, ciri, who’s our protagonist despite the fact that she descends into evil herself. and also something i’m desperate to talk about is the moral ambiguity of geralt and his company and how they’re introduced in baptism of fire, because despite that they’re well-liked, all of them except dandelion have some blood on their hands, and that’s why they seek to undergo a baptism of fire.

i did want to get into brenna in the essay, because it is actually mentioned by sapkowski in the same quote from historia i fantastyka, re: showing realism of war (from which i explored baptism of fire)—i wanted to stay a little vague about the events of lady of the lake, not knowing who the video would be served to and if people would care about end spoilers… however, brenna was indeed the second part mentioned re: his desire to “take away the mysticism from war.”

also another analysis that i didn’t touch in the essay but is interesting nonetheless, the concept of “many young people died in a hopeless fight” also applies to the elves and story of aelirenn (tomasz bagiński pointed this out in the same interview in which he was talking about the warsaw uprising)

[golden-flute]

No one asked for my opinion on The Sun and the Star, but I’ve been thinking of nothing else since I finished the book, and I have to write my thoughts or I will explode, lol.

Fair warning: Spoilers and long-ass thought dump ahead.

Gif Originally posted by riptides

On the Themes

I picked out a few different themes that I found carried through the book:

Self-acceptance

Living with trauma

Embracing change

What healing looks like

I thought they were brilliantly approached because there was a lot of nuance for each theme. Particularly when you consider that these are pretty heavy topics for middle-reader age groups!

The biggest theme directly relating to Nico was this idea that it's possible to embrace your trauma, to accept it, and to grow around it. In his case, it's literal, with the Cocoa Puffs hanging around him now like a little parade of Walmart Ghibli Sootballs, lol.

I think that Nico was working through his trauma well before he ever heard the prophecy. The fact that he was able to accept his darkness so easily once Nyx forced him to confront it was more a mark of how far he'd already progressed than it was a big moment where he was suddenly magically healed from all of his baggage. The entire purpose of the Cocoa Puffs was to act as a physical representation of Nico's existing trauma. They will always be a part of him, but they don't define him. He's simply accepted them and freed himself from them without avoiding the fact that they'll still be there. That's such a healthy place to be, particularly because I think a lot of people tend to fall into the same trap of toxic positivity that Will did....

Many people who are natural healers and problem-solvers often fail to realize that being healed doesn't always mean that pain has totally been eradicated, hurray. In their minds, there's always some way to fix broken people. And I think that's why Will's conversation with Persephone was so important for his growth. I think he always saw Nico as someone who needed to be fixed, and to Will, that meant that Nico must hide from his trauma, or ignore it. Will's story arc centered around his acceptance that he can't (and shouldn't) always try to heal people "his way." With Nico, he had to get on his level, see him, and accept his pain. I've known people in my life who tend to avoid negative emotions because they think it's totally bad. But hiding from the pain can often make it worse. Darkness only grows stronger in the shadows, after all.

Nico and Will's internal journeys were two sides of the same coin in that respect. I loved it. Nico was ready to accept his trauma, but in a way, Will had to accept it too.

By the time they reach Nyx, these internal struggles had been mostly resolved and simply need to have their big final moment to totally hit home. But there's another kind-of-subtle-but-also-not theme for Nyx that ingeniously ties into the idea of questioning gender and sexuality. Nyx sees things as black and white. Even her own children, who are more than their labels, have to fit into these perfect molds in her mind. She's the BBEG because she struggles to change or to accept others changing around her. Talk about a heavy topic, right? But then at the end of the book, this idea of change is also beautifully encapsulated in Nico and Piper's discussion about sexuality labels. Particularly from Piper's perspective, since she's still figuring herself out and just going with what feels right in the moment. People are beautifully complex creatures who are capable of being something new every day.

On Characterization

Over the years, I've discovered that I gravitate toward the reformed, darker characters--the gloomy cinnamon rolls, if you will. Nico. Laudna and Caleb from Critical Role. Hunter in the Owl House. Zuko. Kaladin from the Stormlight Archives. Riku from Kingdom Hearts. So on and so forth. Something about their stories is so compelling to me. Perhaps seeing them overcome their own trials is a symbol that light comes after darkness, which is a message I have clung to my entire life, because it gives me hope for myself. And that’s exactly one of the messages I got from TSATS. This time, it was Nico’s turn for a reprieve from his trauma.

Y'all. Nico's a fucking NERD. The moment we met him as a little kid, he was talking everyone's ears off about Mythomagic, and he revealed he had a pirate phase and... yeah, he's just a nerd. His carefree personality took a huge nosedive after Bianca was killed, and then he became this unrecognizable dark creature of vengeance. I know some folks felt that he was really out of character in TSATS, but I find the shift just harkens back to the themes of change. Nico's transforming before our eyes, guys. Though Apollo's series and into TSATS, he's come to a place of peace where he could let go of his anger and his darkness... or at least accept them. And that's given him the space he needed to kind of get back on an even keel. He's finally able to return to his natural progression as a hyperactive dork. That's what we saw in TSATS and I loved it so much for him.

I found Will's progression really interesting as well. He's always been seen as the intrepid healer with a sometimes-literal glowing halo around him. In this story, the tables were turned and he had to accept that he needed support sometimes too. But more than that, this is the first time we've really gotten inside Will's head. We've only ever really seen him from the perspective of Nico (his admirer) and Apollo (his affectionate father). But this time, we were able to get Will's thoughts, and he's... not as perfect as we expected. And I love it. No one is perfect, and I think that in the absence of more information on Will, people sort of developed headcanons of him that understandably made the TSATS version of him a bit jarring. But if he were this perfect pariah of a character, that would hardly be interesting. I really enjoyed that in the first half, he spent so much time complaining about the Underworld, because it just meant there were some lessons for him to learn as well. He's complex, just like the rest of the PJO cast.

Other Incongruent Thoughts

Guys, I'm dead. When we finally heard the fated prophecy, I was... really underwhelmed. It didn't feel like it was literarily as impressive in the same way the other prophecies had been. It just... wasn't very good poetry. But then Dionysus criticized the rhyme structure and called it "a bit forced" and I was like "Hang on..." Come to find out, Hades made up the prophecy to get Nico to go save Bob! Can you just imagine Hades sitting at a desk, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper, writing bad poetry that's convincing enough to get Nico off his butt and into Tartarus? I'm deceased.

The reunion between Nico, Maria, and Bianca BROKE me, y'all. I was full-on sobbing and my eyes were swollen this morning when I woke up. I was confused by how they were there, since past books said that they'd "moved on," insinuating they'd tried for rebirth. But I saw another post someone made about how Hades (or Bianca?) mentioned that they were the barest of essences remaining. I'm not saying it very well, but it made a lot more sense, and I hadn't caught that insinuation in my read-through. But I absolutely loved that we didn't get this reunion until after Nico had already accepted his trauma. If this meeting had come before, I'm sure he would have fought to "save" his mom and sister--I mean, he even says it in the book. But by that point, all he needed was to say his piece and get some closure, and that was enough for him. It was a mark of how much he's grown, and I just... *chef's kiss*

I love Hades. He's genuinely a good dad. Well... sort of. Maybe not at the beginning of PJO. But he, too, is changing his ways and taking more of an interest in his children. Or at least Nico. I wonder if we'll ever get more Hazel/Hades content? But Nico pretty much confirmed that Hades was around when he was a kid, and Hazel said the same thing in a previous book, which is more than pretty much every other demigod can say, so there you go. By Olympian standards, Hades deserves that #1 Dad mug.

I was really surprised that it took over half the book for Nico and Will to make it to Tartarus! Don't get me wrong, there was still plenty going on, but I was so used to the idea of Percy and Annabeth dropping in at chapter 2, it surprised me!

Anyone else peep the really big typo on page 401 of the US hardcover? "My mother is Bianca di Angelo, and she loved me and my sister." I stared at that for a long time last night wondering if I was going crazy, lolol. From what I've heard, the typo has already been fixed on the kindle version of the book, but those of us with physical copies have got the OG mistake. Whoops, lol!

I'm having a hard time discerning if the "'Dam it,' said Nico." on page 352 is a typo or not, for the pure and simple reason that there were so many dam jokes in PJO. And somewhere else in the book, Nico actually says "Damn," so... was it a typo? The 'dam' joke didn't really have a purpose for being there, and it wasn't repeated later, so I feel more like it might have been another typo?

We got a little Percy and Annabeth action! And Sally and Estelle! I have to admit, I was a little disappointed that Percy and Annabeth had already forgotten about Bob. Especially since Percy's whole growth in the House of Hades was to realize how many people he'd left behind. I never expected them to join Nico and Will in their Tartarus journey, but they apparently brushed him off so fast I got whiplash! What was that about? I wonder if we'll get more on that in the short story that comes out later this year?

We got a little mention of Damasen in this story as well, and obviously if he hasn't regenerated yet, there wasn't much they could do for him. But... I'm surprised that Percy and Annabeth didn't mention him or ask Nico to keep an eye out for him as well because he was there at the Doors of Death, making the same sacrifice as Bob. Will there be another Tartarus rescue mission in the future? Nemesis told Nico that any future journies into Tartarus would be unsuccessful. While I feel like it's unlikely we'll get any more Tartarus field trips, those little asides made me wonder if Rick Riordan's got more ideas floating around that he wanted to leave open for later, just in case.

They used the words gay, bisexual, and lesbian! I don't think this book series has ever done that before! I have a sneaking suspicion that this was part of Mark's contribution to the book. RR usually tends to talk around those words--he'll make it obvious, like when Apollo talked about his love for Hyacinthus, but I don't think Apollo ever actually used the word bisexual to describe himself (correct me if I'm wrong). I think that it was a really good step forward for children's literature. If you're going in, go all in, you know?

Lil Nas X made an unbelievable appearance! Lol! Though I have to admit, the inconsistency of the timeline of references sometimes gets me. Like many books ago, some character probably dropped a reference from ten years ago, and a year or two in book time, we get a Montero reference. Like, it's a small nitpick, but that inconsistency always pulls me out of the story a bit. Yeah, you heard right--I'm totally fine with the issues everyone else had with the books, but the weird timeline of references messes with me, lol. That's where I draw the line! That's not the say the Lil Nas X reference wasn't spectacular, though, lol.

Do I... like Mr. D now? I love Dionysus from the mythologies, but Mr. D was always so... blegh. But he's like legit a decent person to Nico. He shared his popcorn! That. Was. HUGE. Hahaha.

We finally got the full scoop on Nico's first trip to Tartarus!

The nickname "Night-Light" is endlessly adorable. And then Will ruins it by turning around and calling Nico "Death Boy" lol.

The trogs were never my favorite mythological creature ever, but they grew on me in this story.

So... Menoetes and Geryon, huh? Menyon? Geroetes? What's our ship name? Lol.

Will having the hots for Persephone was not on my bingo card, lol! I did really enjoy their talk, though. It really set up Will's character arc very nicely. And I loved that Persephone seems to be taking a leaf out of Hades' book and trying to be a bit kinder towards her stepchildren. It's not their fault, you know?

I'm seeing a lot of reactions to Nico's coming out story. I agree, that's one part I felt was a little bit forced. Introverted people can have moments where they're feeling brave and don't mind an audience (Hi, I'm exhibit A), I wouldn't say it's out of character per se. But it was a little bit... shall we say out of context? Since we didn't get the actual scene, but Nico and Will's recollection of it?

I really liked Gorgyra. The random chapters of stories from Nico and Will kind of jarred me a bit, but I think they were a nice touch, but would have been too much if they'd all been told chronologically. I agree with Rick and Mark's decision to split those up.

Amphithemis was a trip! I wish we could have lingered a bit more on Nico being upset at Will for tricking him away. I was glad that Nico at least asked Hades to free Amphithemis.

I saw some complaints that Nico and Will were super cringey around one another. To that, and as someone who's ace, I say... most couples are cringey around each other, particularly young couples. Nico and Will are still feeling out their relationship, and they don't have the years of friendship that Percy and Annabeth had that made their relationship so easygoing. I think Nico and Will's relationship is a bit more realistic in terms of first loves.

I loved the frank conversations about PTSD. I eat stuff like that up, because when I read it, I can just imagine someone else who really needs that sort of representation reading this book and finding comfort in characters like them.

And I'm literally out of space. I had no idea Tumblr had a character limit, but I hit it, lol. But if you got this far, thanks for reading!

[mercerislandbooks]

Book Chats: The Spellshop

Summer is here. The days are warm and long, and the evenings are perfect for sitting outside and reading (or listening and crocheting, in my case) as the sun goes down. The Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst is an amazing choice for this kind of relaxing evening. The narrator was excellent, the descriptions were lush, and the setting was idyllic. A librarian and her sentient spider plant seek refuge from a bloody revolution—with crates of books in tow—by heading to Caltrey, a small island on the outskirts of a nation made of islands. All Kiela wants is to protect her books and live unnoticed in the cottage her parents left her. (Un)fortunately for her, that's not how small villages work. With an attractive next door neighbor and a friendly baker determined to welcome her into their small community, as well as a suspicious old man who is set on driving her out, Kiela has to decide if letting people in is a chance she's willing to take. Warning: you will want baked goods slathered with jam by the end of this book.

Becca: Kiela was such a fun, unique character. Her love of books obviously resonates with me as an avid reader and a bookseller, and her habit of overthinking what she says and does was also very relatable. What did you think about her as the main character and voice of the story? Lori: I loved Kiela. For the same reasons as you but also, I loved the way circumstances kept pushing her beyond her comfort zone and then, because of getting to hear her overthinking inner voice, the reader knows what choosing to be brave costs her. But she does it anyway. It's not comfortable to acknowledge that those moments are what bring growth. Also, she has blue skin. And blue hair. And lots of blue clothes. I approved of all the blue. What did you think about Kiela's scheme to barter homemade jam for the supplies she needs? Becca: Making jam is not necessarily the occupation I would turn to for survival, but I also don't live on a little island surrounded by merhorses and abundant fruit trees and bushes. Well, maybe the bushes; our blackberry brambles are out of control. I loved how she took what she had available to her and, with much determination, figured out a way to keep moving forward. Lori: She did. No matter the obstacles, she kept trying. I think we need to discuss Caz, though, the sentient spider plant! Becca: So...a talking plant research assistant. I wouldn't mind that. Maybe then I'd finally know how to care for one without it slowly fading away on me. And Caz has such an excellent personality. Lori: He stole the show in my opinion. I thought he had all the best lines. His friendship and support of Kiela really brought home to me how careful Sarah Beth Durst was to give all her characters, and the environment they inhabit, a nuanced worth. She also created an interesting magic system. Becca: I do love it when magic is something accessible to everyone in a book, instead of just the chosen few who are born with it. But with all of the impressive feats that can be accomplished with spells, I think it was the little magics scattered throughout the book were my favorite. Yes, Kiela wanted to do big magics to help her community, but the little ones that encouraged plant growth and water to flow were the ones that resonated with me. And it's the small magics that she was determined to share with those around her as a way to make their lives better. Lori: It really shows how little things, that maybe don't seem like they matter that much, actually have more of an impact than one might think. It's encouraging that making small choices towards the good does make a difference in the world. Becca: It is. And I appreciated how Kiela came to believe that sentiment because she observed Larran, her always-willing-to-help neighbor, put forth the effort to do so. Lori: I loved watching the spark between Kiela and Larran grow. She started out so wary and standoffish, but as she continued to see how good he was (and how good he looked shirtless), she started to admire him, until she found herself unable to resist.

This sweet book is perfect for summer, with its cottagecore vibes and berry-filled island. The first printing has beautiful sprayed purple edges to add to the appeal. So, stop by to pick up a pretty book, whip up (or purchase) some scones with jam (preferably raspberry), and settle in for a gentle adventure full of plants, jam, and slightly illegal magic.

— ​Becca & Lori