#real parrot problems

[jjafterdark]

I just had to hit pause on a Tumblr short about a dragon romantically railing his princess because my bird keeps trying to shove her entire beak into my nose.

[blueskittlesart]

deeply refreshing to see someone critical of Swift who also like, genuinely likes her. Like i'm neutral to positive on her, but the online discourse has been absolutely rancid. flipping between "Taylor Swift has never done anything wrong ever and she's a fucking genius" and "Taylor Swift is the worst lyricist of all time and also a bad person" is exhausting, so thank you for like. nuance or something lmao

not to make it serious for a sec but i genuinely think that being able to like things that are bad is really important. like I think that it's an important skill to be able to look at something and see what you personally enjoy about it and then take a step back and acknowledge that objectively it's flawed. and to also be able to acknowledge that liking something isn't necessarily an identity or a moral stance. and i think that fandom space in general could really benefit from more people taking the time to learn how to do that. it's okay to like things that are bad

[episims]

BB *imitates ambulance*

Deanna "Uh, we should've thought it better when we put you next to the television! You're too young to watch horror movies, too."

Lillian "Hi, Paige!"

Paige "What's up, Lils?"

Talia "-it's not hard. I can help you with it?"

Lillian "Oh, thanks! Dari usually does my math assignments, so I could use someone else when he leaves."

Paige "Hey, how about we head to the hangout after I finish this?"

Lillian "Sure! I mean, if that's okay for you, too."

Talia "Mm, if you want."

Lillian "Did you have other plans?"

Talia "No—I mean, I thought we could watch a movie, or..." why it's so hard to ask her out?? "But hangout's fine! We have marshmallows somewhere, let's grab them along for roasting."

Lillian "Ooo, nice!"

[kasumingo]

Also here’s your reminder that character that can be considered disabled wishing for limb enhancements is not ableism and just boiling it down to “problematic content that shouldn’t exist and the evidence the op is a shitty person” is insulting, incredibly reductive and missing the point of ableism and disability talk

And whoever does that should shut the fuck up themselves and leave artists that indulge in heavier content alone

[impossible-rat-babies]

obssessed with the suite eyrie has in radz-at/han that I’m building in my mind

[xartus]

Gonna try going to the local trans group again and maybe there's a rational, sane adult there this time 🙄

The discord isn't promising with all the anime pfp poly whoever the fuck. I'm tired, we have real problems, and the echo chamber of other queer people gets exhausting, fast

But at least I'd be annoyed out of the house and in a social setting than sitting at home doing nothing

I'm gonna tell them! I'm gonna tell them I feel like I can't voice my opinions and thoughts in a "safe space" because its so dominated by...idk wtf to call it..... Chronically online "leftist" queers with 500 labels that make up their personality

I want to go there to find solutions for our problems, socialize with people who are going through similar things, and support my community. But its hard to do that when I say kink at pride reinforces the notion that gender/sexuality is a paraphillic life choice and I get called a bootlicking homophobic puritian fascist

I'm sorry y'all, I'm just extra grumpy about it today!!!!

[teaboot]

I love your post about being a security guard. Would you please tell us about some of the cool people you meet at work?

Ooooh I can do that!

One time on foot patrol I got called to talk to a guy who had his pet off-leash, right? And there's a pretty big road nearby, and some restaurants, so I head over to see if I can convince him to leash what I believe to be his dog before it runs into a diner or humps the wrong leg or gets clipped or whatever

But I get there. And I see the guy, he's exactly as described, but there's no dog nearby so I'm kinda confused

But then I see his parrot

And I'm trying to keep a straight face when I get there but I'm in uniform and he sees me and stops and the three of us (me, him, parrot) kind of just stare at each other

And I dont know what to say, I have not been trained for this, and I'm trying to figure out if this is even a problem or not, so I just tell the guy, "I'm gonna be real with you man, this is a new one for me".

And to his credit the dude was actually very kind and polite, introduced me to the bird and all. Little fella made some *frighteningly intelligent* eye contact with me the whole time, of course.

Anyways it turns out the bird was about sixteen years old and smarter than me, so I told them they were both above my pay grade and were good to go as long as they didn't go into any eating establishments, since technically it'd be a contamination risk.

VERY cool afternoon.

Also another time a very cheerful woman claimed she could read auras and told me mine was yellow, and I got to tell her that yellow was my favourite colour, which was cool!

And one night I was on mall duty and I found six teenagers all crammed into one of those 25-cent kiddie rides shaped like a school bus, which was hilarious, but I had to tell 'em "I am so sorry, this is the best thing I've seen all day, but I do need yall outta there, I love you all" (the ride things have weight limits and break down constantly, it's a pain in the ass.)

Aw shit, this other time I found two teen boys pushing each other in a shopping cart- and they were having such a great time, I felt so bad, it's exactly the kind of shit my brothers would do- and I think that one was like "sorry guys, liabilities, do it where I can't see you".

And this one probably shouldn't be funny but there was this guy with a bike, right? Belligerent, abusive towards staff, falling-down drunk, you know? And I was supposed to get him out of the building, but instead when I asked him to make his way out he jumped onto the bike and started riding around me in circles shouting "WHORE! WHORE! WHOOOOOOOORE!"

Same guy, the day that I first met him, he was peeing at a payphone- I asked him for his name and he straightened up, put his shoulders back, and said with all confidence, "My name is Donald Finkley and I take it up the butt!"

His name was not Donald Finkley. The real Donald Finkley was someone he just didn't like very much

[beesspacedotorg]

bee what about calling chan daddy for the first time??

hihi. uhm. putting warnings is too hard. i hope u enjoy ems <3

warnings: oral (m rec), daddy king (duh), uh. tbh there probably should've been more discussion about what's going on here before it happened but there wasn't gender neutral reader as usual

You’ve been fussing at him all day. To be honest, you’re not even sure why, you’ve just been having a bad time and Chan managed to be in the right place at the wrong time and now he’s contracted your ire. It’s unfair to him, and a part of you knows this, but a larger part of  you is pissed off that he’s breathing so fucking loud, so you’ll just apologize later.

“Baby, are you planning on doing the dishes today or-”

“God, can you shut up?!” There’s a moment where you both stare at each other in shock. You don’t yell at each other. Chan raised his voice at you once before and you cried so hard you almost threw up, and after that you both agreed the two of you wouldn’t let it get to that point ever again. You don’t yell at each other, and yet, your voice has raised to dangerous decibels because your boyfriend asked you about the dishes.

“Okay, what is your problem?”

“Problem? I don’t have a problem.” That is not what was supposed to come out of your mouth. You know it, and Chan especially knows it, because he raises an eyebrow at you from where he’s leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Are you sure? Because you just yelled at me.”

“I didn’t yell.”

“Then what do you call that? Speaking with purpose?”

“Yes. Speaking with purpose. You’re also doing the exact opposite of what I told you to do anyway.” Chan brings his hands to his head to rub his temples, and for a second you think you’ve gone a step too far. You’re ready to apologize to him, to inform him that somewhere between the dishes and now your anger has been replaced with a weird eagerness for him and that maybe you should’ve apologized for yelling at him before starting to play a horny game, but he takes a step towards you before you can open your mouth.

“You have two seconds to apologize to me.” Chan’s voice is tense, a voice you’ve heard people describe as his “leader voice.” You would describe it as something else, but you’re not that brave, so you haven’t yet.

You stare at him instead of apologizing, blinking once and then twice at him. You watch as he clenches his jaw and see the tick of his muscle in real time.

“Okay. Fine.” Oh, you’re fucked. Literally. He grabs your arm and bodily hauls you off the couch. You knew what he was going to do, and you go along with it, so luckily he doesn’t chuck you across the living room.

“Chan.” He keeps dragging you towards your bedroom. “Chan.” You’re pretty sure he’s not listening on purpose. “Christopher.”

“God,” he starts, and you know how his sentence is going to finish before it’s fully out of his mouth, “can you just shut up?” Hearing your own words parroted back at you makes you frown.

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Why not? That’s how you were talking to me earlier.” You roll your eyes at him and open your mouth to respond and then he’s kissing you well enough that you don’t care anymore.

“Baby, I wasn’t kidding. That mouth has gotten you in enough trouble, why don’t you just keep it shut, hmm?” You frown at him again, brows furrowing and he pushes you onto your knees and sits on the bed. You stare up at him from your spot on the floor, lips still downturned and then he’s fishing his cock out of his shorts and yanking you towards him by your hair.

“Hey! Let go!” You reach up and dig your nails into his wrist and he grunts at you.

“What is your problem today?”

“I don’t have a problem.”

“Sure.” He brings your face closer to his dick. “Suck.” You shut your mouth with a click of your teeth and when you look up at him you can see that he’s thrown his head back in exasperation.

“Jesus, why are you being like this?” You cross your arms over your chest and you hear him sigh. His hand untangles itself from your hair to press at the hinge of your jaw, forcing it open until he can slip fingers inside your mouth and open you up for himself.

“Ow-” Your muffled protest is cut off by the heft and weight of Chan’s cock being shoved into your mouth. You aren’t insane enough to bite him, but you are insane enough to not move. You’re unsure why, but there’s something in you that wants to push him and see what he’ll do, see just how far you can annoy your sweet, lovely Channie until he becomes something else entirely.

“You’re doing this on purpose.” You can’t help the way your lip twitches into a smirk from where it’s wrapped around the girth of Chan’s dick, can’t help the way it takes you a second to school your expression into something bored and uninterested. Chan sees it though, because of course he does. Sees the way your eyes widened for a second when you got caught before flattening out. You hear him huff a laugh, finally catching on, before he’s dragging one of your hands to rest on his thigh and taking your head between his palms.

“Fine.”

He starts a rough pace right off the bat. Doesn’t give you any time to adjust before his cockhead is ramming cruelly against the back of your throat. You gag, drool bubbling past your lips, down your chin, dripping onto the floor. Your hand lifts off his thigh for a moment, taken aback, and his pace slows. He pulls halfway out of your mouth and then you put your hand back on his leg like nothing happened and he’s back to using his cock as a battering ram to your throat.

“Kept mouthing off,” he grunts, slightly out of breath. “You and I both know that this is all your little mouth is good for.”

He keeps on like that until you’re crying, until tears are slipping down your cheeks and your nose is running a little. Uses you as nothing more than a fleshlight until your eyes are red rimmed and your knees are sore. He pulls out and tilts your head back to look into your eyes. Your head is swimming from the lack of oxygen and your vision is blurry from tears and something else. He looks at your face and down at the floor and his cock twitches.

“Made a mess,” he scoffs, derisive. “Are you done?” You whine at him, you have no idea what he’s asking anymore. He shakes your head a little.

“Brat. I asked you a question.”

“Channie- daddy.” Your voice is hoarse and wobbly, your hands are grabbing at his thighs and you're leaning your weight into him. You hear him inhale sharply and suddenly the hands on your head shift from a grab to a cradle.

“Oh, baby.” He hauls you up into his lap. “Look at me.” You do, whatever Chan finds in your face makes him soft.

“Was that all you needed, sweetheart? Was for daddy to set you straight.” You nod at him and he coos.

“Daddy’s not done yet, baby.” You whine. He laughs. “You gave me a hard time there, honey. A bit of face fucking isn’t gonna make that up to me, you know that.”

You do know that. It isn’t gonna stop your pout though. Chan sees your face and laughs.

“Lay on your back,” he says. “Maybe if you apologize well enough, I’ll give you a reward after.”

[dadsbongos]

megumi x airhead fluff please don’t let gege get u again 😔

iehjejeueueh

GASP this has been in my drafts so long and i totally forgot about it, i am sooo sorry nonny :')

761 words no big warnings just fluff n idiots pining, not super proofread

the ghost of gege has been cleansed from my soul!!! ~~~

“Do you really think that?”

Megumi stiffly avoids your gaze, soon after shrugging, “Yeah. What of it?”

You frown, and it could be how attuned he is to your mood but Megumi swears the sudden shift actually overhauls the entire room’s energy. Something morose and slithering around the darkness, somehow the gloominess only thickens in the areas sparsely lit by Megumi’s lamp.

“That’s sad,” you lean up from your sit and onto your knees, fingertips just barely pressing into the springs below, “You’re not a bad person, ‘gumi.”

“I don’t think I’m the devil,” he turns his whole head to avoid your piercing stare, “Just not a good person.”

“That’s sad!” now you’ve flung your hands up on his shoulders, squeezing down his arms as if a heartbroken widow clutching her poor, dead husband, “‘gumi you’re the best guy I know!”

Scrunching away from you, Megumi presses his back into the headboard of his bed, swallowing harshly and continuously dodging your stare, “Yeah, sure.”

“Hey,” you whine, now squishing his hands between yours, “You are! You’re super nice all the time, and you’re way smart.”

The accusation of kindness pulls a little chuckle from Megumi, especially considering how often Yuuji and Nobara curse his nasty attitude. He cannot comprehend why you’d marvel over him this way, or in any other way for that fact. Megumi’s eyes flutter shut, he soaks up the warmth of your hands on his, and your face by his cheek. If he dared lean up, he’d easily be able to kiss you (he’s not so bold, he thinks he’d rather die actually).

“And you’re so pretty,” you tack on, as if you can sense the worst possible thing to say right now.

Though, Megumi knows better -- you’re soft and mellow, his opposite if anything. The knowledge of your earnesty in the compliment does nothing to calm his racing heart, or the raging red slathering his face.

“Whatever…” Megumi sinks down until he’s laid back on his mattress. He sucks in air slowly, boring holes into the ceiling rather than your face, “You’re pretty, too. And you’re nicer than me,” he cringes, “If you’re still sure I’m nice.”

“You are,” you lay beside him, petting a hand over the bunches and wrinkles in his sleep shirt, “You’re being nice now! You let me come over after my nightmare.”

“You sounded scared,” he tries to shrug off the praise, but your words are clinging to his brain stubbornly, “Why would I make you sleep alone after that?”

“Exactly,” you’re bolder than Megumi, bold enough to spike your chin onto his chest, “You’d be a great boyfriend.”

“You don’t say,” he chokes out, heat clogging his cheeks and red burning into a deep crimson. He prays the dim light emitting from his nightstand doesn’t expose the sight to you. 

A melodic knock on Megumi’s door makes the duo flinch, and despite logic telling him nothing is wrong Megumi lets his arm come around your waist protectively. When its Satoru that pokes his head in, the boy grumbles.

“Hey, problem children,” Satoru coos, “if you’re gonna break rules, at least move apart when your teacher comes to scold you.”

“They had a nightmare,” Megumi’s hold on you tightens, “they didn’t wanna be alone.”

“Is that right?” Satoru’s blindfold is still snug around his face, but Megumi can feel his teacher’s stare pointed at where your head lays on his chest.

You nod viciously, “It was so scary! I thought I died for real, so ‘gumi let me stay with him so I don’t have another one.”

“Well how sweet,” Satoru taps the doorframe, “But c’mon, time for everyone to go to their own rooms.”

“Huh, no way!” you cry in protest, rocketing up straight.

“No way,” Megumi parrots.

Raising a brow, Satoru grins at his student’s sudden audacity, “You want me to stay in here with you both, then?”

“You want me to tell Yaga about the secret number in your phone?” Megumi glares, “The one you know by heart.”

Satoru grimaces down at the boy, then sighing and back out of the room, “Don’t do anything to make Yaga yell at me.”

“Wow, ‘gumi, you really got him.”

“He’s easy to wrangle, like training a big, stupid dog,” Megumi feels his heart thundering in his chest the longer you go without saying anything, simply sitting there and grinning at him, “What?”

“You stood up for me.”

“Duh.”

“That was really nice of you.”

He rolls his eyes, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you back onto him, “Yeah, whatever.”

[ariaste]

Is there disability rep in RUNNING CLOSE TO THE WIND? It seems like pirate books get overlooked for how often they show characters with disabilities.

Jesus christ okay listen. You've activated my trap card, because YES EXACTLY. Disability is one of the CORE TROPES of any pirate story -- is it even a real pirate crew if there aren't people missing some of their bits? And it's not just side characters, is it! Is a pirate captain even a proper captain without a peg-leg, a hook, or an eyepatch?

And yet when we see these characters, or at least when I see these characters, my brain does not register them into the category of "oh, here is a Disabled Character". Like it is wonderful that we are seeing more disability representation in media these days but... It's often not very satisfying, is it? They're like "Here is a very carefully presented Character In A Wheelchair So You Know She Is Disabled-Disabled 😌" and there are all of these rules this character has to follow to be """""properly"""" disabled in exactly one specific way with no variations, and always there is an Issue with her (almost always a woman??) ability to navigate her wheelchair through the landscape so that the media can Prove They Are Being So Thoughtful And Aware Of The Difficulties.

I don't know about you, but for me it always sort of smacks of insincerity. Or like, the overtly intentional and deliberate sincerity, which then comes across as a bit unnatural and uncanny valley. We as the audience are not permitted to simply experience this character as a person, we are forced by the deliberateness of the narrative to experience her as a Disabled Person. Which.... Sure, that's better than not having any disabled representation at all, but there's SO MUCH FURTHER we could go with it! But the first step is for the media creator/s to stop going "look, a Disabled Person [delicate gasp] Wow she's so brave" as if she's a fucking zoo exhibit and start going "look, a Person. she's disabled, and has some other personality traits and hobbies as well."

(I feel like we also went through this journey with Strong Female Characters too, didn't we? Where we had all of these weirdly awkward """sincere"""" attempts at people writing Strong Female Characters and Oooh She Is So Strong, And Ooh Her Femaleness, She Grew Up With Brothers... But that was not what we wanted, we wanted the writers to chill out and just write a woman who was a PERSON and stop making it weird.)

Anyway, back to pirates, because I think we've really been overlooking pirate media for the fact that the disability rep is just right out there in plain sight, and it's so normalized that it would be weirder if it WASN'T there, and the media creator isn't loudly trying to win brownie points for being Virtuous And Inclusive™. (And just because tumblr reading comprehension is piss poor sometimes: yes, there's a difference between trying to be virtuous and inclusive and trying to be Virtuous And Inclusive™, and I bet you can recognize it when you see it.)

Pirate media doesn't make it weird! Pirate media doesn't try to camouflage the fact that a character is disabled ("Yar, and here's No-Legs Bob, on account o' he's got no legs, that'll teach 'im to make jokes like he's pretending to fuck the cannon" "somebody hold me up and i'll fuck the cannon again" "[raucous laughter throughout the whole crew]") nor does it deny that their disability causes problems sometimes (the ol' "peg-leg got stuck in a knothole in the deck" gag, or the classic "whoops, tried to stab someone with my hook hand but they dodged and it got embedded in the planks" gambit). Pirate media offers a huge VARIETY of disabilities too, instead of just One Token Wheelchair User -- you've got people with prosthetic limbs, you've got people partially or fully blind or deaf, you've got people who are mute (and also btw look at this amazing parrot or monkey they have, it killed a man once), you've got elderly people who aren't quite as spry as they once were but oooh they Know The Sea like nobody else, you've got people who struggle a lot with their disability and need extra help and support AND people who are not slowed down at all and just livin' their life the way they do.

Y'know. Actual diversity.

Also the only time pirate media draws deliberate attention to the disability is 1) if there's a cool story behind it that is somehow relevant to the plot ("[captain looking balefully at his hook hand] me hand was bitten off by a WHALE.... i've been chasing that whale for the last forty years....") or 2) if it provides a fun way to show the culture and community of the crew as a whole (see the No-Legs Bob example, above). Also notice that in pirate media, you are allowed to directly address the disability and make a harmless, casual joke about it ("No-Legs Bob" again) and it doesn't feel mean or weird, it's just.... descriptive. It's just the way that pirates be. Yep. No-Legs Bob ain't got no legs. So what? It is there in his name and yet it still doesn't feel like it's the only thing about him.

The vibes are just.... UTTERLY DIFFERENT from the disability rep i've seen in other media. And so i think we should be looking at pirate media more and striving to emulate it when it comes to disability rep, because THERE'S SOMETHING HERE, they're doing something INTERESTING, there is something worth thinking about and studying, what are they doing and how are they doing it and how can we replicate that in other things? (Also, even real life pirates were better about disability than many other folks -- they had PENSIONS for crew members who couldn't work anymore.)

ANYWAY back to your question of whether there is disability rep in Running Close to the Wind.

Short answer: yes. Long answer: do you want a whole inventory?

Captain Teveri has a prosthetic eye (it's covered in gold leaf, inspired by this Tumblr Heritage post which I'm sure we have all seen). Also facial scarring, which is not really a disability but still does not get a whole lot of representation.

Many of the crew have hook-hands or peg-legs

Avra says you are not a real pirate until you are missing some of your bits, and makes some joke about how he only has a Weird Toe or something

A side character, Skully (so called because he has a hobby of carving skulls in things and is currently working on carving a GIANT skull into the face of the cliff overlooking the entrance to the pirate cove, because obviously every pirate cove is required by the Trope Laws to have a skull cliff but my question was WHO PUT IT THERE? answer: this guy), has two peg-legs and a hook hand and still goes abseiling by himself to carve the skull onto the cliff, nbd nbd. Probably got the best abs in the book, but tragically Avra, the POV character, did not think to notice them

Elderly grandmother in a wheelchair who threatens to stab Julian the Super Hot Monk through the ear with a knitting needle

Julian is described as standing out from everyone else explicitly because he's NOT missing any bits and that's odd (comes kinda close to missing some bits, though, he plays around with alchemical explosives at one point. man's on track to be missing a couple fingers sooner or later, so just... y'know, let him cook, trust the process, he's still growing as a person)

(this one is a joke) arguably Avra's Weird Luck Thing could count as some kind of chronic illness, considering that it is a thing which materially affects his life and which he does not have control over and cannot predict when it will come into affect. DISCUSS. (again: a joke)

[steps gingerly off soapbox] thank you for coming to my TED talk

(Also: RUNNING CLOSE TO THE WIND comes out in ten days on June 11th! It's a comedic fantasy novel about queer pirates stealing and trying to find a buyer for the most valuable secret in the world and fighting back against oppressive institutional powers! You can read a review of it here and the first chapter of it here, and you can preorder it here.)

[eee-lordy]

Hiiii! Can you write about jacob elordi x fem reader who is in charge of the makeup and outfits on saltburn or elvis?

Maybe there is a video going viral where he is looking at her (WITH THOSE PUPPY DOG EYES HAHSHAJDVDSJ IM GONNA EAT HIM) while she is doing his make up and she is clueless, yk those videos where the music is lana del rey and the caption is like "me when im literaly obsessed with her" or "when hes completely in love with u>>>>>"

And when that goes viral, the cast teases him and they go on a date?

Idk i think its cute :3

───※ ·❆· ※───

You were never one to get star struck. In the year and a half you'd been professionally applying makeup to the mugs of many stars, you'd been unfazed by celebrities captivating auras. You hardly blushed when Chris Pine tried asking you out as he sat in your makeup chair. You'd laughed in understandable assurance as Billie Eilish apologized for almost knocking your powder kit from your grasp; when her brother burst in the room to surprise her. You saw your clients as just that, people who trusted you to properly apply blush and fake scars.

But all the composure you'd been proud to claim went out the window when you'd been assigned to work with the cast of Sofia Coppola new film. You hadn't expected to lose your cool. In fact, you'd been rolling your eyes as the hair stylist that shared your caravan had droned on and on about this new Elordi fellow and how dreamy he was. Some of the other workers in the hair and makeup department parroted her yearning for the guy. But you were certain you'd remain calm and cool in this supposed deities presence.

And then he sat down in your chair. And he looked up to you with an intriguing set of droopy dark eyes. And you knew Jacob Elordi was about to be a real problem for you.

It wasn't his fame. You weren't swept up by his essence because of the collective crowd on the internet drooling over the guy. It wasn't even his magnetism. Because he did have a lot of that, you wavered it was necessary to survive fame. But it was more the way he would look up at you from that make up chair. With those dumb stupid big beautiful eyes.  And his smile that followed. And then the infuriating way he'd start conversations with you, those first few days on set.

"What'd you have for breakfast this morning?" Jacob would wonder, watching as you readied a sponge. You would answer and ask for his in return. He would mention stopping by a cafe earlier and go on to ask you where you grew up and if you liked it there and what the best book you've ever read was called. 

"You've got to stop chatting away, makes it hard to do your touch up's." You'd smile, reaching out to adjust Jacobs perfect fucking face so you could work on his brows. 

"Sorry." He breathed out, seemingly genuinely guilty. He went on explaining himself still, slowly as you continued to do your job. "Don't like awkward silence. Or bullshit small talk. Getting to know you seemed like the safest route. Since you'll be covering the dark circles under my eye's this whole shoot."

You laughed in understanding before announcing that you got it, and waved over the hairdresser on site today. 

"Wait, before you go, that book you mentioned..." Jacob pointed your way as you turned for closing up your kit of brushes. Then you watched as the guy wrestled his cellphone from his jacket pocket. "Here," Jacob said, extending the device your way. "Write the title in my notes app. I will forget, but I don't want too. It sounded properly readable."

"Oh." You turned your lips down in a twisted grin of surprise. As you took the device from Jacob's grasp, you felt a surge of gratification that the guy trusted you enough with his phone let alone wanted to read a book you mention not having read since uni. 

Not missing the way the hairdresser rolled her eyes, you grinned and found Jacobs notes app with ease, straining not to glance beyond your means. With the press of a few buttons you wrote down the title, and fought off the impulsive urge to include your very own phone number as well. That would be embarrassing, knowing full well this man would never call or text or probably even dare to glance your way beyond the makeup chair. 

///

The next few weeks went by the same. Jacob would yammer away until you almost had to hold his mouth shut to finish his makeup. And you would fill the silence by telling stories of your own, because he'd mentioned he wasn't fond of silence and you knew your job went beyond applying lip liner, it was also to keep celebrities happy as royalty.

And all the while you blinked away thoughts of how funny he was. How beautiful Jacob was. You wouldn't let yourself realize he was exactly your type. You wouldn't let yourself dream that you might be his. You simply relished the times you made him laugh. Once you made him laugh so hard he cried, tear tracks ruining the powder you'd only just applied. 

The hairdresser who was the leader of fawning over Jacob as soon as he left the room had taken to frowning in your direction most days. You reckoned it was because she'd never been able to make him laugh that hard, or at all, ever. And the stories she told him when he asked her to seemed to lose his interest halfway through every time. Try as Jacob might, you saw his eyes glaze over as the hairstylist droned on about her retirement plan or the grocery list she'd put together that day.

After acknowledging her sorry excuse for conversation Jacob would stop you from packing up and heading to lunch so he could ask you for more books to read, more films to watch, more stories from you. Then his assistant would interrupt, or he'd be called to set and you'd be left to head to the craft table with dangerous feelings of lust and intrigue to push away. You would not let this boy break you of your career long streak of professionalism, damn it.

///

One night, in the middle of a week break from set, you spent an evening scrolling mindlessly. When a tiktok with Jacob's name in the tags popped up, you scrolled away at the speed of light. You didn't let yourself linger too long on posts with him there, not wanting to know anything good bad or otherwise so long as you were assigned to work with him on this project. But it wasn't long before another tiktok popped up featuring the guy in a very familiar setting. He was too famous at this point. You watched as you saw leaked footage from behind the scenes of Priscilla, but weren't too shocked. The stars of the film were occasionally being interviewed by publicists between takes to document their experience, beginning to promote the film.

And maybe you let yourself keep watching out of a sense of entitlement, you'd been working on this set. You could watch a video of Jacob from work, right? You couldn't tear your eyes from him no matter how hard you tried now anyway. You watched as the person holding the camera zoomed in on the guy while he adjusted his suit jacket. You watched as he seemed to talk to the costars at his side. You watched as he looked up and smiled. And you couldn't help but melt a little at the sight, he seemed so happy, so at ease. And then you watched as Jacob's grin widened as he waved someone closer. And much to your horror, you saw yourself step into frame. 

You remembered that day, where you waited on the side lines to fix Cailee's eyeliner. While the director was storming up a new camera angle, Jacob waved you over to mention the last chapter of your favorite book he'd almost finished reading. He was laughing over a bit that you'd warned him about the week before. And you were laughing over how excited he was about it, finally having someone to gush over your favorite plot with.

Now, huddled beneath the blankets of your bed, you slammed your phone down at your side, bewildered to know someone had caught your interaction on camera. Raddled to have just seen Jacob lighting up at the sight of you. Angry at yourself for hopping you'd read his body language in a way that suggested he really liked you that much.

When you picked your phone back up, you watched the candid moment over and over, trying to debunk Jacob's smile. Trying to convince yourself he was only being friendly, only cared because he had to find someone to mingle with during down beats. 

And then you read the comments. 

"If Jacob smiled at me like that, I would die."

"Imagine making him laugh like that she's so lucky."

"Who is she??" One comment read. "Her last name will be Elordi if he hasn't married her already, calling it." Someone replied.

You shouldn't have read the comments.

///

When you were due back on set you swallowed away the excitement bubbling up in you at the prospect of seeing Jacob again. This was so unlike you, to be awaiting the arrival of your client with an embarrassing giddiness. As you reminded yourself that this was your job and Jacob was simply a guest in your makeup chair- the man himself eased into the caravan, ready to get ready for the day.

"Hey, you! I had a bunch of points earned up to get two free coffees so I brought you one. I remember you said you like almond milk so I asked for that." Jacob was all smiles as he extended a latte to you. Awe fuck. 

"Thank you, Jacob." You struggled not to sigh with angst as you accepted his very generous surprise. Luckily, he seemed none the wiser that you'd answered through gritted teeth. He just kept smiling as he headed to your chair.

"Oh, me first today lovie. Need to start your dye straight off, you're little makeup girlfriend will have to wait." The hairdresser announced, daring to grab Jacob by his sleeve, yanking him toward her end of the trailer. The other workers around rolled their eyes, sick of her endless commentary. You bit your tongue as you leaned against the counter, shaking your head when a coworker scoffed in the hairdresser's direction. Luckily, Cailee waltz in, ready for you before anyone else. You thanked God for the distraction, readying your brow pencil and chatted to the girl about her break from set. 

All the while, your least favorite coworkers voice demanded to be the loudest in the room. She made everyone listen to some boring ass story and practically whinnied when Jacob got up to trade Cailee places. 

"No offence, you're fine and all, just don't have hair as silky smooth as Jacob's." The hairdresser told Cailee but made sure her comment was loud enough for everyone to hear. "Oh wait, silly me," 

As Jacob settled in the makeup chair and began to ask if the drink he'd brought you was good, the hairdresser of your nightmares shoved her way between you and the person you were meant to be working on. 

"I left of a bobby pin, how'd I forget," She droned in an annoying pitch, nearly shoving you over in her attempt to get closer to Jacob. 

"Can you please get out of my space?" You called, annoyed that she was pushing you away from your station without a single polite excuse.

"Can you please stop being such a jealous bitch?" The hairdresser whipped to face you with a manic smile.

"Oh my God?" You almost laughed in shock at her comment when another coworker dared to reach out and pulled her away, and out of the trailer. Another hairdresser apologized to the room for the previous girl's behavior and stepped up to lead charge of Cailee's wig.

With no time to shake the rage that had been born in you, you pushed it down, biting your lip hard as you went about finding the right sponge for Jacob's foundation. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, seemingly worried. And that pissed you off too. Why'd he have to act like he cared so much? Why'd he have to be so damn wonderful?

"I'm fine. Thank you again for the coffee, it...is kind of bitter but it was a really sweet gesture, I swear. Close your eye's please." You responded as calm and cool as possible.

"Bitter... sweet..." Jacob winked, just for you to see. It was the best thing you'd ever witness. And the worst all the same. You were sure you blushed. You tilted his chin and struggling to suppress how much you'd miss when you didn't get to be this close to him. He stayed quiet as you finished his face, and so did you. When his makeup was done, almost everyone else had left the trailer. The last remaining beautician was walking out as you'd closed the case to your kit. 

"I thought you didn't like awkward silence." You dared to mention, as Jacob stood to leave. It wasn't like you'd thought to ask. It was just a thought that ended up blurted out. And then you were bold enough still to look up and right at the guy with those perfectly shaped eyes to find he'd already been staring right at you. 

"S'not so awkward with you."

You really wish he hadn't said that. You really wished you'd never prompted him too. You really wished he wasn't still standing there looking across the features of your face like he was waiting on you to respond. There was a knock on the door just in time, and a voice calling for Jacob to hurry to set. 

"I'll see you after lunch, right?" Jacob wondered as he moved toward the door. You muttered something like "Yeah sure," as you turned to start collecting your things. As far as Jacob knew you were headed to the craft table. But as your feet started marching out of the trailer, you found yourself headed toward the manager of the crew you'd been hired in with. You explained to her that you really thought it was best you turned in your resignation. 

You'd never dared yourself to tread the line during work. Never been so enamored with someone you were meant to be professional with. It wasn't in your best interest to see how far this went. And it wasn't in Jacobs best interest that you kept lingering around distracting him with stories and novel suggestions.

So, on a decided whim, you packed your things, swallowed frustrated tears, and headed home for good.

///

You let yourself be mad once your front door was shut and locked. You threw away the stupid coffee Jacob bought you. You turned the telly off and tossed the remote toward the hardwood when Euphoria came on. You muttered and cursed and slammed cabinets as you made a carb heavy comfort meal and called your best friend. 

The day went on and turned to night as you tried to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You began getting ready for bed, talking yourself into sleeping off all the weird feelings and events that had transpired today. Tomorrow, you'd find a new job and make sure to decline any with that one awful hairdressers name on the list of beauticians. 

As you sat on the edge of your bed and set a reminder for yourself to job hunt tomorrow afternoon, a notification interrupted your typing. 

Instagram was alerting you that one certain Jacob Elordi was sending you a fucking message. He'd followed you a couple weeks ago, when you handed him your phone to show him a picture of your beloved childhood pet. He scrolled away from it and found your handle to promptly pull up on his very own Instagram, following you with a smile.

Your eyes widened and your thumb worked faster than your brain, clicking the popup before you could talk yourself out of it. Oh, shit now he was going to know you opened his fucking stupid ass message. You really wished you hadn't met this boy. He wasn't even here and he was torturing your every thought. 

"You were NOT there after lunch as promised. Call me? xx"

Before your eyes displayed a row of numbers that if pressed would call Jacob Elordi's cell phone. You tried really hard to talk yourself out of it. But being away from him for the last ten hours had really done a number on your heart. It missed him more than your brain was afraid to admit. Your thumb clicked the numbers. Your phone started to ring. 

After one buzz he answered. 

"I got off set to hear you'd quit and left me to bear that horrid hairdresser without you? Was the coffee really that bad?" Jacob's voice crackled through the line, soft and saccharine. You chuckled morosely at his coffee joke before responding.

"No pleasant greeting. What if it wasn't me calling? What if it was some crazy fan girl?" You dared to venture. 

"Are you saying you're not a fan of mine?"

You wanted to assure him that you were probably his biggest, but sighed in place of a response, struggling to choose your words. 

"What happened? That hairdresser should be fired. You shouldn't've left." Jacob spoke, as you watched the traffic out your window and relished the sound of his voice in your ear. 

"It..." You couldn't help it. You couldn't hide it any longer. "It wasn't really her. I quit because of you, Jacob."

"Me? I- I'm sorry I thought we-" He sounded too worried, and you realized you'd spoken a little too cryptically.

"Not because you did anything wrong." You hurried to explain, interrupting his unnecessary apology. "It's me, not you." 

"Is this a break up? I never even got to ask you on a proper date." He laughed a humorless laugh.

"That's the thing." You said. "I like you way more than I should've ever let myself. It's too unprofessional for me to work with you and have these feelings. I'm sorry, I shouldn't even be telling you this. Everyone treats you like a piece of meat, I hate that I-"

"So... what I'm hearing..." Jacob's voice rose a bit as he interrupted you, catching your attention off guard. "Is that I can actually ask you on a proper date? And this doesn't have to be a break up at all."

"Oh! I- wait are you joking?" You blurted, shocked by the tone of his voice and the fact that it seemed like Jacob Elordi was asking you out. 

"I like you too, dummy. I've been doing my damnedest to make that clear. You know I don't just follow every wardrobe artist on Instagram and bring camera men cafe treats. I used my free coffee on you! I'm so sorry it was no good though." 

"It wasn't the worst coffee ever." You smiled, feeling a calm and hopeful buzz wash over you. 

"Well, let me take you on a proper date, for a proper cup of coffee, and talk you back on set." 

"I can date you, or be your makeup artist, but I will not allow myself to do both. I have a very strict moral compass as a working lady." 

"I'll choose the first option then by a long shot." You could hear Jacob's smile in the tone of his voice. You let him ramble a little longer about the day he'd had and how bad he felt that you'd been moved to quit. He asked you to meet him at the cafe across from the set during lunch tomorrow, and you promised you would in fact show up without a doubt this time. 

Fuck finding a new job tomorrow. You were going on an absolute dream date with Jacob. But you were most definitely ordering your own coffee.

[stars-and-the-min]

☆ the wrong way to hard launch (5) | OP81

summary : oscar's girlfriend is a walking pr problem for literally everyone (including herself) social media au

pairing : oscar piastri x zhou!fem!singer!oc

a/n formula 1's 'newest' WAG makes her race debut and gives her cousin a headache

i did actually screech like a parrot watching this race and then immediately adjusted some of my predictive writings

masterlist | last part | part 5 | next part

TWITTER

F1 WAGS @f1wagnews · 3h Selina Bui spotted around the paddock!

pookie piastri @op81ln4 · 2h the royal couple of australia (i don't make the rules 🤷‍♀️)

↳ kayla @luna_apocolypse · 2h why... did she wear blue...? she knows basic color theory... right??? ↳ pookie piastri @op81ln4 · 2h i completely missed that... SILENA??? ↳ kayla @luna_apocolypse · 2h HER ASS IS NOT ENDING UP IN THE PAPAYA GARAGE IN THAT DRESS 😭 SHE'S NOT THAT DUMB IS SHE???

MANIFESTED OSCALINA | LONDON N3 @12m0red4ys · 26m SCREECHING RN we used to dream of these days

↳ lina bui x2 grammy winner @urdaisea · 25m '2-time grammy award winner' HELL YEAH SHE IS ↳ MANIFESTED OSCALINA | LONDON N3 @12m0red4ys · 26m the most employed wag in formula 1 🫶 (lily is a close 2nd)

oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 13m HELP HAS ANYONE ELSE SEEN THAT CLIP OF LINA AND THE CHINESE INTERVIEWER 😭 ↳ oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 13m [translation] interviewer: this is your cousin's 3rd f1 season, how come you've never come support him? lina: he said he doesn't like my nagging interviewer: then will you be supporting zhou guanyu in shanghai? his home race could use some family support lina: even if he asked me to visit, there's nothing i can do, i'm in shenzhen performing a sold-out concert ↳ clovie @ luvyouvie · 7m she's so done lmao what can she do if zhou doesn't want her there ↳ emme @flowersforcami · 5m lina: i'm fucking busy too, have you considered that??

INSTAGRAM

selinabui just posted to their story

(translation: Brother Yu [Zhou Guanyu], come and save me)

TWITTER

rubyyy @piastriworld · 2h oh wait shit she's cute as fuck what ↳ rubyyy @piastriworld · 2h fyi this is abt lina bui ↳ rubyyy @piastriworld · 2h i was kinda expecting a full-on rockstar but she's super soft???

piaa⁸¹ @ papayaeightyone · 1h the same woman not even 12hrs later

clara @ zgy24 · 37m i do actually think it's insane we got an 'oscar piastri's partner' graphic before we got a 'zhou guanyu's cousin' graphic ↳ clara @ zgy24 · 37m selina dear, we know you can't stand him but we're sure he'd appreciate it if you popped by the kick garage on your way over 🫶 ↳ lina !!! @EB_selina · 17m you sound like my mother but i'll have you know he sent me this:

很油腻 directly translates to 'very greasy' but it basically means 'ew' or 'cringe'

↳ clara @ zgy24 · 15m LMAO OH MY BAD ↳ xixi²⁴ ⁴⁴ @grandegrid · 14m the sheer amount of info you get from these two ss 😭 like ofc they use wechat, zhou guanyu sounds like an annoying older brother, she calls him 鱼哥, she trolls the emperor nickname, THE PURE SIBLING DYNAMIC IS EVERYTHING ↳ ZG24 future WDC · @zhoupdates · 14m zhou cousins crumbs 💚

lina !!! @EB_selina · 29m mistakes were made, the blue dress and orange-- sorry, PAPAYA headphones are not a look 💀 ↳ lina !!! @EB_selina · 28m wonder if it's too late to sneak into the sauber garage... ↳ pookie piastri @op81ln4 · 12m i'm actually wheezing at this bc that's EXACTLY what my oomf said when ur pics first dropped ↳ lina !!! @EB_selina · 10m well i wish ur oomf gave me a heads-up before i left the hotel

INSTAGRAM

selinabui

liked by zhouguanyu24 and 112,385 others

selinabui went on a tour around the paddock (finally visited the man racing with my number 🫶) tagged: zhouguanyu24 and logansargeant

pi4str1 babygirl, i think you wandered the wrong way

pastry81 oscar's girlfriend meeting oscar's boyfriend

zhouguanyu24 我给了你一个愿望 trans: i gave you one job/i had one wish ↳ selinabui @ zhouguanyu24 你是不是我的亲表哥！ trans: are you even my cousin!

logansargeant This feels like an achievement ↳ selinabui @ logansargeant it is, stay slaying cap, so glad to see you race today 🫶

no2argeant logan getting a double feature over her cousin mhm those are mutuals via oscar frfr (loscar and oscalina and... lolina?) ↳ selinabui @no2argeant we use selogan but lolina is 100x cuter

TWITTER

piaa⁸¹ @papayaeightyone · 3h HELP SHE ACTUALLY SNUCK INTO THE SAUBER GARAGE

xixi²⁴ ⁴⁴ @grandegrid · 2h both cousins are equally unserious bc why did i remember the 'who's the most famous person in ur contacts' thing kick sauber did and why did zhou say jj lin when his very famous GRAMMY WINNING cousin seems to regularly bug him on the daily ↳ pookie piastri @op81ln4 · 2h he probably forgot lmao it's like she's not famous in his eyes "oh lina? u mean my annoying little cousin? oh right, she's a rockstar or smth"

oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 2h ok i'm convinced she's gonna stay in the williams garage now like it's almost guaranteed she's not headed back to mclaren ↳ oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 2h oscar, honey, come over and remove ur girlfriend from the williams garage, she's yapping with logan ↳ oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 8m I JUST SAW LINA'S POST 💀💀 y'know she's right, lolina is cuter than selogan but now i need to know how much logan's been 3rd wheeling

kayla @luna_apocolypse · 16m oscar checking his socials and it's his fans debating on the best ship name for his girlfriend and bestie

MESSAGES

from the phone of selina bui

TWITTER

oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 1h realising that lina being at the race means we're probably not gonna get her entertaining af f1 live-tweets

↳ oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 1h no joke, we missed out on aus gp live-tweets bc she was flying to jakarta but the saudi gp tweets gave me LIFE

INSTAGRAM/MESSAGES

from the phone of logan sargeant

TWITTER

oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 39m red flag??? already??? we just started??? ↳ oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 34m they cut to lina in the mclaren garage and i'm wheezing she looks so amused by the turn of events 😭

jess @OPIXSTRI · 3m oh they knew what they were doing cutting to selina bui after zhou guanyu retired ↳ jess @OPIXSTRI · 3m new f1 reaction pic just dropped guys, perfectly summarises the kick sauber saga

↳ kayla @luna_apocolypse · 2m obsessed with her refusal to wear the orange headphones genuinely think she would rather go deaf than have those pictures circulate the internet

xixi²⁴ ⁴⁴ @grandegrid · 5m we got the zhou guanyu's cousin graphic but at what cost

↳ Stake F1 Team KICK Sauber @stakef1team_ks · 18m We're sorry to let you down 😔 ↳ lina !!! @EB_selina · 17m i don't care which long-suffering intern this is. get out. ↳ oscalina real ?! @ emptyginbottles · 20m lmao lina's sauber pit stop tweets vs oscar's f3 drs tweets, fight 🤣

INSTAGRAM

selinabui Suzuka, Japan

liked by eb_jonno and 200,371 others

selinabui loved the experience, will not be going to another one bc i'm 94% sure i jinxed EVERYONE i hold dear in this sport - stay safe out there 👍 see y'all in seoul in 2-3 business days <3 tagged: mclaren and oscarpiastri

logansargeant You did *not* jinx anyone ↳ selinabui @ logansargeant logan, honey, i'm a bit depressed about you but sure man, whatever you say :'(

ninisf1diary how'd you find your first ever live race? ↳ selinabui @ninisf1diary very fun, loved the bit where oscar got to hop back into the garage after the first lap

mclaren Are we still gonna see you in Imola 🥺 ↳ selinabui @ mclaren i think oscar is gonna drag me over kicking and screaming but i guess i'll be there

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

taglist @ririyulife @ashy-kit @fionaschicken @namgification

[hareofhrair]

While I'm yelling about House MD--

I see in the notes of my House posts sometimes people being like "ooh, maybe I should watch that" and I always kind of wince and want to grab them like, yeah, please do, but also watch out. There's a reason we call it hate crimes md, and it's not just because of the queerbaiting.

So the thing about House is... It began airing in 2004. The 2000's were, for those of you who missed them, an... interesting time for what was then still called "political correctness." And these times were heralded by a certain Type of Guy, with a certain type of Edgy Humor. In pushing back against the admittedly very white liberal language policing of the PC movement, his goal was to be as offensive as possible, to every demographic possible. For those that had thought it through enough to justify this behavior, the claim was an intent to shake things up and force people to confront their unspoken biases and have hard conversations. The catch phrase was "I'm not racist, I hate everybody equally." These were your Jeff Dunhams, your Dane Cooks...

(For my part, I think it was, at it's heart, white guys attempting to parrot the marginalized groups demanding radical acceptance? A gay person saying "yeah I'm a faggot, what's it to you?" A disabled person saying "yeah I'm crippled, fight me about it. Call me a person with special needs again and I'll break your kneecaps with my cane." They picked up on the "we'd rather be called a slur than this avoidant, self righteous, language policing bullshit" and came away with "so I should call everyone slurs, got it.")

Enter House MD.

The tagline of the show is "Everybody Lies," and it's a very consistent theme throughout. The thesis of the show is that our society, with its shame and repression and bias, is incapable of real honesty. And approaching problems with soft, non confrontational language that talks around the issue instead of dealing with it only makes this worse.

So naturally, House is one of Those Guys.

I doubt there is a single episode in which he does not at some point, say a slur. When Foreman (the only black character and, until Kutner and Park, the only non white major character) is in the same scene with House, you can be absolutely certain he is going to say something racist, while staring at Foreman with a shit eating grin, daring him to make a fuss about it so he can monologue about how Affirmative Action is actually condescending to black people.

It would be one thing if this were strictly a character choice, something that was specifically wrong with House the person. Unfortunately, even when House is not involved the show itself is still, just, blindingly racist, all the time. Any time the patient isn't white, it's a horror show. Racist caricatures as far as the eye can see. It's also intermittently sexist, intersexist, nauseatingly fatphobic, and while it generally does better with disability than most any other show of the time, it is still shockingly ableist at times given the main character is, himself, physically disabled, and implied to be autistic as well.

What makes it worse is that they set House up as someone who wants to deflate people's egos and make them confront their biases ect, and then almost never puts him in a position where he's punching up. There's even a specific episode where he's treating a conservative campaign manager who released an insanely racist anti-migrant political ad, and his racism just doesn't get brought up. The ugly truth about himself he's forced to confront is that he's gay, and the man he's in love with and the people he surrounds himself with are, well. Conservatives.

All of this is not to say you shouldn't watch House or that House is a bad show. It's just very much a show from a very specific and unfortunate moment in the recent history of the ongoing battle for equality. The worst part is, its heart is in the right place, it is just doing a real bad job. It wants to be progressive. It just thinks being polite and respectful is weak and lame.

On that note! The show also features a canonically bisexual woman who actually says the word bisexual-- fucking wild for the time, where the best you generally got was vague allusions to "swinging both ways."-- And it shows her in relationships with both women and men. Including, very notably, Foreman. And if I need to tell you how revolutionary it was for them to show a romantic relationship between a black man and a white woman in the 2010's, take a minute and think about how many relationships like that you've seen in TV or movies since then. Or ever.

It centers on a nuanced and compassionate portrayal of an addict, and tackles the realities of that in an incredibly honest way I don't think I've seen anywhere else. Just the simple, consistent reminders that both House and the other addicts featured on the show are using for a reason, and it's often because they have medical needs that have been neglected by bigoted doctors. There's a whole arc where they try to restrict House's use of painkillers by reducing his prescribed dose to basically a handful of ibuprofen, claiming he only thinks he needs such a high dose because he's addicted and he'll "adjust" to a lower dose in time-- IE, get used to just living with the extreme pain. Unsurprisingly, the increased pain makes him awful to be around, worse at his job, and eventually drives him further into addiction. The way the show deals with this is honestly fantastic, especially given, again, this was the 2000's and 2010's. For a somewhat contemporary comparison, take a look at how addicts are portrayed in Breaking Bad, which came out four years after House in 2008. The general attitude towards addicts was not great.

This show has a lot going for it. The relationships and the stories it tells are honestly incredible. But it is also very flawed, and people should be aware of that going in.

If you want to start watching House, awesome! But maybe look up trigger warnings first.

(Also, completely aside from All That^ there's also the genre typical medical gore and body horror, so, you know, also be prepared for that!)

[yakumtsaki]

AND WE'RE BACK. My cancerous thyroid might have briefly cucked me, but now I'm about to cuck every goddamn semi-incestuous couple in this house. Isn't that right, Baby?

-CAWK CAWK

Exactly! Baby here is a parrot that Meadow rolled the want for and I was like sure, what problems could a parrot possibly cause?

-OPEN THIS DOOR. SOMEONE OPEN THIS DOOR FOR ME. OPEN IT RIGHT NOW OPEN IT OPEN IT

Um it should open automatically for you wtf?

-OPEN THE DOOR, MAMMAL TRASH, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING

Ok Baby seriously why won't the doors open for you?

-I DON'T KNOW BUT I WILL STAY HERE AND PREVENT EVERYONE FROM GOING TO CLASS BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO USE THE OTHER DOOR

Alright then, clearly there's only one solution to this..

Perfection.

-Um, what happened to the door?

-IT ASKED TOO MANY STUPID QUESTIONS. OUT OF THE WAY, HUMMIE SCUM

Well, Baby was clearly a much needed addition to this house. Now, to the main event: an end to the Year of Sin!

NOP, NEVERMIND, SPOKE TOO SOON, MUST DO THIS INSTEAD. We invite Good Witch over for Spice and she asks to bring a friend and it's FUCKING MALCOLM. LMAO. I simply have to, I can't resist-

-Well well well, if it isn't the famous Malcolm Landgraab IV, the finest intergenerational concubine the world has ever seen!

-Huh?

-You were too much of a straggot to date my father, but I know you won't be able to resist the charms of the much better looking son!

-What?

-God, the conversation is just crackling with sexual tension!

-So, Malc, I believe we should make out. Thoughts?

-Where are those fucking butterflies coming from?

-Your stomach? ;)

No, they're from the Good Witch, my bad y'all.

After many, MANY hours of talking, Malcolm finally accepts a lame wolf whistle-

-but our efforts are interrupted by Felina returning from class. WILL YOU GIVE IT A FUCKING REST FOR ONE DAY

-NEVER

-Sorry kid, but if Malcolm Landgraab is to ever consider bisexuality, it will be for someone who can beat up his own sister.

Wtf kinda rule is that you freak?? You know what, just gtfo-

-NO. Stay here, Malcolm, I'd like to hear stories about you and great-great grandma Victoria!

-Oh wow, now that was a real woman. She could hold her liquor, she could whore around, she could beat up anyone.. No man could ask for anyone more feminine!

You are so right, Malcolm, the only one to ever do it better was Long John Silver!

Ok seriously Barth is there a plan here, why are we wasting valuable time on platonic interactions with this loser?

-I just have a feeling true love will prevail!

What are you even talking about-

UM PWND @ ME WTF. ACR DOES IT AGAIN WITH LITERAL NEGATIVE CHEMISTRY LOL

OH FUCK YES TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE. Two Babies with one stone if you will!

-HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME, YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD

Ya ok GROSS but finally we can put this behind us, 1 down, 200 more to go. Cyan go back to your other cousin-lover while you still can because I'm breaking you up too!

-Don't have to tell me twice!

Ugh.

-Hmmm...

What now, Barth.

-Nothing, I just keep forgetting I actually have two eyes.

Ya, you and me both.

-But now that I possess peripheral vision, I see there's so much to be done in this house.

You have set yourself on fire multiple times, please stop with the household tasks, that's why we have a butler.

-But he never actually does anything!

Yes well, his main job is to answer the door and we no longer have one, but it's still money well spent.

-WELL I WILL FIX THE DISHWASHER OR DIE TRYING

-BARTH NO I STILL LOVE YOU

-FUCK YOU SUNSET, YOU BROKE MY HEART BY SLEEPING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. HE'S NOT EVEN RELATED TO YOU

Barth no offense but I think I'm ready for your next electrocution to take you out.

-As am I!

-And I!

-GETTING SLAPPED MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY IS STARTING TO AFFECT MY MENTAL HEALTH HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP

You could stop being Satan incarnate?

-No, there has to be a better way!

-How about I sleep with the boyfriend of the only cousin in this house who doesn't already hate me?

Yes, absolutely, and please take another crack at fixing the dishwasher when you're done.

[sageistri]

I don't even know what jk did or didn't do because I'm not keeping up with that show but the past week I've seen more defense for jk supposedly being violent to jm from people who say they stan the both of them than I've seen them defend jm from jk solos the past 7 years or so.

First of all jk stans are the ones who always claim jk hates jm because he's violent towards him, but when pjms hold on to that same narrative that his stans have pushed for years because they hate jm more than they care about jk being seen as a terrible person,everyone gets mad.

Everyone has an essay to write over pjms parroting the same thing jk stans have pushed for years about him but keep mute when jm is being called a slut and harasser by people who stan jk. If it's not a taekooker saying it then no one cares. Replying "jk loves jimin" and vice versa isn't defending btw.

Y'all froth at the mouth over pjms not wanting or liking the dynamic or interactions between the two of them (rightfully by the way) but accept jjks being vile to jm because it makes sense to you guys, so you say nothing.

Y'all can understand why jk solos hate jm and accept it as the norm because "it's jimin and he's been hated since the beginning of the fandom by people in fandom so it's nothing", but y'all can never just accept the fact that pjms also do not like jk... it's unacceptable because "why would anyone not like him?"

And that has always been the problem with ships like jikook and yoonmin. He's nothing but a self insert for y'all's yn fantasies with those men. You don't care if he's treated horribly or ridiculed just as long as he interacts with them. Y'all spend so much time talking and worrying about pjms not liking jk but barely anything is said when jimin is dehumanised by people who are not taekookers. If taekookers are not involved then the conversation is irrelevant to everyone.

He's a real person, not a character in a bl because it's obvious that's what some of you think he is. Defend other members from people doing too much that's ok, but we'll like to see the same energy for what jimin has had to endure for years.

[hexhomos]

S2 mega spoiler asks/answers. don't click readmore if you're avoiding it.

That entire thing really did not land for me and took me extremely out of the episode ngl. The way it is framed and later on referenced on warwick's delusion flashbacks (IN MY OPINION) seemed to suggest that their mom was embroiled in an unrequited love triangle with these two and i could feel my brain leaking out of my ears because, to get back to a previously mentioned problem; it makes the world feel really, really limited. Like there's 10 real people surrounded by a population of NPCs. The idea of silco/vander as singlehandedly responsible for a 'revolution' that has no lineage beyond themselves is already laughable but?? they frame it as if vander could legit have been vi's dad?? he picks the name?? and that he is maybe seething in rage at silco because he was the reason she died??? huh? whuh? what in all of the wattpad fanfiction. not to mention... it makes silco constant attempts to kill vi in s1 seem contradictory and nonsensical. His motivations???????????

In some ways.. it is still resource exploitation now but Worse and in a time-ticking bomb sort of way that absolutely breaks the idea of Piltover using hextech for decades at a time. Im curious to see if that will be referenced in game content now bc it legitimately has shattered the timeline. I think its once again unnecessary and sacrifices a lot of good stuff for mid hand-wringing. But yeah. P/Z as presented in arcane has had so much personality sapped out of it. a whole roster of characters who might get completely rebooted for no good reason.

stole his whole flow. Disgraceful.

TBH i wouldn't really worry about this because i think if anyone is getting a new sex scene its going to be cait/vi makeup or hatesex. Sky is a plot convenience; her existence for the show's entire runtime is an accessory that they couldn't even bother fleshing out. The definition of the not-gays.

My reasoning is that if they were going to do any of that we would have already seen her do these things, more things, in the scenes she already appears in; but as always she is a static 3D model lounging in the background. (Related: this might be because she is Literally Not Real and the hexcore is just making up a faint mimicry who can only say 1 word.) Their time budget is really messy this season and i just don't see them wasting More time like that. They don't care for sky. never did! She's just a way to avoid letting viktor be an ideologue glorious evolutionist.

We already know internally some of the animators & art team like jayvik & there's even a few for-fun outside of the company interviews w/ crew expressing a preference to jv on a personal level ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the more the script tries to push it as nonromantic the more coded these scenes get. In terms of actual interaction i think a lot is going to depend on whatever the hell happens in episode 6 because their screentime is REALLY low and im unsure act3 can pull off another timeskip. So much left dangling.

IDGAF about meljay and i've never cared about meljay i think it is the culpirit of not-gays #1 so its hilarious how that shit literally didn't matter. The entire noxus storyline is a can of worms i would have thrown in the garbage and have no interest in. Still, in realistic terms, there is a 50/50 chance this season ends with jayce married 2 kids 1 dog 1/2 parrot moving out to noxus and saying 'heh, i never liked piltover anyway' and they'll play it like we're supposed to clap because nothing matters

if i was in charge we'd get full frontal jayvik stigmata scissoring write that down. I still hope if we can manifest 1 thing it is a good fight scene with some choking on it