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radio-navlee · 4 months

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Spill!

So he’s a little angsty (this makes up for that frown he did at the end of ep 2, PLEASE UNDERSTAND!!)

Lee: Jax

Ler: Ragatha

Summary: (Hurt to comfort) Jax finds himself back at his tree crying until a familiar doll comes to help him

WARNING!! ⚠️: TICKLE FIC!! Gagging, mentions of puking. Self harm? (Depends on what you call self harm)

“Jax was nothin but a lowlife jerk!” “He was so mean!” “I hated seeing his dumb bunny face!” A few things said by the circus members when asked ‘How do you feel about Jax?'. “Well, he’s got something wrong up there” said Ragatha. She didn’t think he was all bad, there was still a little bit of human in him.

“I’m just too real!” Jax thought. Yeah, that was it! The truth was he just knew to much, other just didn’t want to hear it! Ha, yeah no. The real truth was that Jax bottled all his feelings up, he only released them once nobody was around, while he was alone. Sure it was funny watching the other members get pissed at him over a little harmless prank, but he was just mad, grumpy, and sad. He pushed himself away in fear of ruining the way people see him.

“He was never nice!” “Yeah he was so annoying” “even when I tried to get away from him, he’d find me anyway!” “I wished he’d abstract” “He’s such a dick!”

Jax shot up from his bed, rubbing his head. He groaned wiping the sleepy tears from his eyes. ‘Just a dream,’ he thought ‘they don’t really hope I-…’ Jax gulped down the lump in his throat. ‘It’s not real! Don’t think like that’ Jax straightened his head massaging his temples. Jax then felt tears warming up in his eyes, ‘crap’ he thought. He snuck out his room, down the hall, out the circus, and under his favorite place to cry. His tree.

Ragatha heard a door shut from outside. ‘Somebody's up? At this hour?’ Granted, there were not clocks but anybody could tell it was late. She laid in her bed listening for foot steps to go away before getting up to check on it. ‘Weird… how creepy’ She thought as she opened the door to see a shadow leave the circus tent. Still curious, she followed it.

Jax fidgeted with his ears, scratching at them till they became numb. From a distance Ragatha could only make out shapes of the mystious figure. ‘What even is that? A hat? No.. ears? Wait.. JAX?’ Could it really be Jax? Sneaking out of the circus? To do what?

Ragatha watched from afar, hiding in places that would be hard to make out in the dark. Peering out every once and a while to get closer, until... *SNAP* A twig had snapped underneath the rag doll.

‘SHIT!’ Ragtha dashed and hid behind a tree as Jax snapped his head around. ‘Weird...’ Jax thought as seeing nothing. Though, Jax wasnt a realigous person, due to Caine being the fake god and losing his memory from the digital world, he prayed to who ever was out there that nobody followed him from the circus.

Jax continued on, finally reaching his tree. He knew it was dumb to be attached to such an object, even if it was made of pixels, it’s what kinda comforted him in a way. He even carved a J into the trunk of the bark. He curled up to the trunk, pulled his knees up to his chest, his head to his knees, and cried. It started off soft, quickly escalating to a sob.

Ragatha took a minute to catch her breath, she was so close to geting caught. Now paying attention to the floor, she walked at a steady pace, creeping up to Jax. ‘Is he... Shaking? No I get it! He's laughin-‘

A loud groanish sob was heard from Jaxs direction. ‘That is NOT laughing!’ Concern growing in Ragatha as she was finally close enough to see.

‘C-CRYING? JAX CAN CRY?’ The doll was astonished at what she was seeing, Jax, the prank puller, no feelings, Jax, was crying! Jax wasnt even crying, he was sobbing! Out of Ragathas whole experience of this digital world she had never, NEVER, seen a single emotion come out the said rabbit.

"UGGGHHH- *HCK* *cough cough* NGGH!!"

"I should say something..."

"*HACK* *GULP* MHYHYHY HEAD!" He clutched his head, digging his finger nails into his scalp

"I should do something...

I'm doing it!" Ragatha stepped forward another twig snapping in the process. How comedic

Jax' sobs stop imidently, looking upwards slowly

"...Who ever you are, go away!" Jax backed himself further into the tree

"I mean it!" His voice quivering, his vision blurry from the tears.

“Jax, it’s just me!” Ragatha tried to sound chipper to not worry or scare Jax further

“Were you just- Well I mean-*sigh* are you ok?” The dolls questions blurting out of her. Jax unfolded himself, standing up, putting his hands to his face, and bent over. Ragatha inched closer with a hand out stretched until Jax popped up putting his hands on his hips.

“Yup! Just fine actually! Now it’s your turn dolly, why are you out of the tent?” Jax’s mood changed completely

“No. Don’t do that!” Regatha grabbed at his wrist to pull him back down to a sitting position with her.

“Do what doll face?” His smile now wobbly

“Don’t act like you weren’t just crying a minute ago! I want to help you Jax!”

“What ever do you mean? Heh, I don’t n-need help.” His façade fading as quickly as he put it on

“Cmon Jax!”

“Y’know, you’re acting like a real pain in my side!” Jax furrowed his brows

“Tell me what’s going on!” Ragatha insisted

“There’s nothing going on!”

“Then what’s this from?” Ragatha reached up to poke the indented skin from Jax’s finger nails. He hissed in pain

“Ow!”

“Hm?” Ragatha asked, waiting for an answer. Jax sighed

“Ok you got me! I have feelings like everybody else! Now leave. Me. Alone!”

“What kind of feelings?” She asked softly

“What?”

“What kind of feelings do you have?”

“N-normal ones?”

“Talk to me!”

“if I talk… will you leave me alone?”

“I swear on it!”

“…..Fine!” He sighed

“First, welcome to my tree. I even wrote a J on it, ain’t that stupid!” He chuckled as himself, but it didn’t seem like a joking chuckle, it was more of an awkward pitiful chuckle.

“Fuck it, let’s just get over this as fast as possible..” As embarrassed as Jax was he took a deep breath, and spilled

“Well, it’s been happening for a while now, I’ve been getting these crazy dreams, this time it was about… you guys actually.” He scratched his head

“You guys were talking about me, RIGHT in front of me, but that’s not my worst dream, there was the one with my abstraction, one of everybody just gone, which isn’t to be confused with the one where you all just died, and don’t even get me started on the corn one-” Jax rambled but was interrupted

“And these dreams make you feel like- wait you said corn?”

“D-don’t worry about what I said” Jax breath quickened as just thinking about it scared him a bit.

“Ok well, you come out here after you dream?”

“Mostly after I dream, y’know it’s funny, sometimes I come out here during the day.”

“The day?”

“Anyways, that’s not what makes me… cry” Jax paused at the word, weirded out he even admitted to crying

“Crazy to think it’s actually my mind, what little mind I have left, it jumbles up thoughts and pieces them together that don’t make sense. It makes me go crazy! It’s like a never ending insult that keeps getting worse with every word. Like a stab at my ego, my confidence, my self respect…” Jax hugged himself and he felt the tears itch in his eyes

“It’s like my minds in a tornado, everything spins and my vision blurs like vertigo, my arms and legs feel all tingly and shit,” As Jax explained himself, he felt tears fall down his cheeks. Jax raised his head to look at the doll, her face flooded with empathy and understanding, it made Jax sick.

“D-don’t look at me like that!” He cried, the dam breaking down, the flood gates opened.

“Like what?!” Ragatha asked in confusion

“Like you understand!” He sobbed

“But Jax, I do understand! I feel so sorry that you’ve been going through this and nobody’s bat an eye in your direction!” Ragatha tried to comfort him

Jax tugged on his ears is distress “I don’t need people to pay attention to me!”

“No? Then why are you here then?” Ragatha signaled to the tree. She was right in some ways, Jax crying to a tree was pretty upsetting to her, and it didn’t make it better that Jax didn’t want her anywhere near him.

Jax took a pause for a second to think of a response, ‘Why was he here?’ He felt his head start to hurt again, pulling on his ears harder to help him distract himself from the pain.

“I- *HURKK*” Jax felt like he was nearly going to throw up, gaging and putting his hand over his mouth

“Woah,” Ragatha blurted, motioning towards Jax to help.

Jax put his free arm up to stop her, pausing, then swallowing it back down. Did he really just throw up at the thought of people helping him? Did comfort really make him that sick to his stomach?

“Jax, calm down!”

“Gughh..” He groaned holding his stomach

“Why does this keep happening!” His eyes watered from the puke, tears pouring down his face again.

“Jax listen! Just calm down!” Ragatha held onto one of his hands, but it trembled at the touch, shaking for who knows what reason.

“Jax you hav-”

“Jax isn’t even my real name! I don’t know what my real name is!” Jax took back the hand Ragatha was holding onto, tugging and digging his nails into his ears.

“Jax stop this!” Ragatha pleaded with him to try to calm him down, his breath hitched as he made a realization.

“Wh-…Why are you still here?” Jax look straight at the poor doll. She gulped at the question,

“Because I wasn’t going leave you like this! Jax, you understand people in your ‘life’ don’t want to see you suffer right?”

“You should ask the rest of the group that”

“Jax I’m serious, they care for you! Even if you are a pain sometimes, they’d never want to see you like this.” Ragatha cupped his face. Jax gagged but kept it down, counting and following Ragathas breathing. The sickening feeling slowing going away.

“Now, let go of your ears! They're turning red!" Ragatha uncupped his face, moving her hands to push Jaxs hand away and using her own to try to sooth them.

There was a pause, Jax felt numb as her hands slowly massaged into his ears. He was so confussed, so comferted, but most of all... angry. Angry that he was; 1, letting it happen, and 2, enjoying it.

"This is bullshit" he whispered, loud enough for Ragatha to hear.

"No its not Jax!" Ragatha sang. Jax sighed.

Jax sat infront of Ragatha, thinking. Ragatha hummed as she slowly tried to ease the pain in his ears. She noticed scars at the base, tiny scars, finger nail scars. She felt bad for him, he probally didnt even know he was scaring himself.

"Jax your do realize your hurting yourself right?" She muttered

"What?"

"You have scars at the base of your ears,"

"Oh. I guess I didnt realize." He moped

Ragtha moved from massaging to lightly tracing the scars, how interesting how in the didgital world you could still get scars. She felt the grove of every tiny dent.

"Doholl!" Jax giggled as the sensitive tracing tickled his ears.

"What is it Jax?" She smiled at the low giggle he let out.

"Dohohont do thahat!" He put his hands up to her wrists.

"What? You dont like the tickles?" Ragatha began to spider her nails across his ears

"GAH! Rahahagathaha!!!" He gasped at the sudden change in tenquine.

Ragatha giggled at his reaction. Jax went from mopy and sad to a giggly mess. His face instantly brightened up, he felt his sadness wash away.

"Stohohop!!"

"Cmon Jax! laugh a little!" Ragatha teased

"I ahaham lahaughing!!"

"Yeah, I know!" She smiled, moving a hand down towards his side

"EHEH! Rahahagsss!" He squirmed

"Sorry sorry!" She appoligized, but not really meaning it.

Ragatha moved her hand back up to his ears, he squeaked with the touch. He covered his mouth, not even knowing he could have that noise. The doll chuckled at the squeak stoping her fingers.

"Ohoh my god Jax!"

"Shut it!" He scowled embarrssed. She finished up her last chuckles, getting up to hold out a hand. Singaling to help Jax get up on his feet.

"Guess we better head back to bed huh?" She sighed pulling him up

"Yeah, back to this prision we go.." He joked

"hehe, yeah."

"and uh, hey!" Jax excailmed, grabbing Ragathas attention.

"Yeah? Whats up?"

"*sigh* Please dont tell anybody about this! I already have Gangle and Pomni on my ass from my pranks, if they find out I... come here... I dont know if theyd let me live." He explained.

"Yeah of course. Your feelings are safe with me!" She put her thumb and index finger together and motioned a line over her mouth, closing her eye as she smile. Jax just assumed it was a wink.

(Lord this took way longer than possible, writers block hit as soon as i posted the draft. With school almost being out, teachers have been giving students alot of work, and yes I am still a student so 😞)

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