#reblogging bc this is how i figured out i really liked men like for sure

[tbaluver]

When You're On Your Period- The Love And DeepSpace Men

parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader genre: fluff, comfort a/n: posting my drafts atm bc i just have writers block sorrys /ᐠ - ˕ -マ

any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Xavier:

He's not particularly educated in the realm of menstruation. So when he saw you clutching your sides in agony, he was so worried about you and ran to your side. He thought you were sick or injured. You try to explain to him that you're just on your period and he eagerly listens to you as you explain it to him.

It's his mission to try and make everything easy for you and makes a special effort to bring you things that might make you feel a little better.

"Can you buy me pads with/out wings?" And he would be really confused at first. He would think you want pads and wings. He would stand in the aisle for a while figuring out which ones you needed. So he'll come back home with a BUNCH of menstrual products with wings from your favorite restaurant.

But also the type to buy you your favorite snacks and drinks before you even ask. Sometimes he'll come home with a small plushie for some support.

Lowkey worried if you're going to be alright but he knows you're strong and will remind himself that you know how to handle yourself.

He would gently massage any areas that were aching. Lots of your time is spent in his arms or resting your head on his chest and he explains that the health website says its "beneficial" to do so and you're not complaining. He's so comfy.

Zayne:

In the beginning of your relationship, he was kind of inexperienced in this department. He knew some knowledge about the menstrual cycle but not too much so he made sure to educate himself so he knows how to take better care of you.

He runs down to the pharmacy to get you some pain medication and any menstrual products you need without any ounce of embarrassment. He doesn't find a reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed about getting you things for your period. Makes sure you have enough supplies to last you the whole week.

Prepares you some yummy warm foods that are nutritious for you and all cooked to your liking. He would also make sure to run down to your favorite bakery to pick you up some baked goods.

If you suffer from cramps, then he would find the best pill for you or make you effective tea. He'll also offer any massages you want on your body and let's just say this man is good with his hands that you don't want his hands off of you.

The type to not tell you that you stained the bed. He'll prepare you a soothing bath while he washes the sheets. When you come back the bed is nice and warm.

He'll start marking it down on his calendar so he can be prepared more in the future

Rafayel:

He would kind of forget periods are a thing but once you remind him, he'll try his best to take care of you. He has good intentions looking out for you and getting whatever you need. You would text him if he can get something for you and he's already on his way to you with whatever you requested.

He'll pay attention to your specific needs and preferences. He'll make sure you're getting your rest, staying hydrated, and eating well.

Would joke around and call this "Shark week." Would pray to any gods to bring mercy on him if he were to ever to be sassy to you on your period.

He'll be worried about you but he knows that you're strong. That doesn't mean he'll leave you alone during this time, unless you want him too. He'll be there to try and ease everything as much as he could.

If you were to have any bad cramps, he would give your lower abdomen a small massage while talking too it. "Hey don't be so mean to my cutie....." or sometimes he'll tell you some stories about Lemuria or maybe hum you a song in Lemurian to get your mind off it. Your head would be resting on his chest, his hands massaging gently into your aching sides.

It's easy to fall asleep in his arms because he can be so warm from his evol

He'll offer to make you a bath and gather your favorite bath bombs and your oils that might ease your discomfort. He would have the perfect temperature for you and would help undress you and help you into the bathtub. Would also feed you some yummy fruits like a princess while you were in the bath

Sylus:

Sylus treats you like royalty the entire time you're on your period. He's extra patient and understanding. You don't have to feel embarrassed at all with him and he will never be disgusted by you being on your period.

If you ever stained the bed, he would clean it up for you. He would reassure you that everything is okay and that bleeding is normal. He'll help run a bath for you while he cleans the sheets. He would never use these situations against you or even embarrass you about it.

He's always there to give you a massage knowing how bad cramps can be. Tell him where it hurts and he'll immediately massage the area with his hands. If massages weren't helping, then he'll warm up a heating pad for you and would find the best painkillers to make it go away.

The first time you were on your period, he bought way to many products for you so you were stocked up. Eventually in the future he knows the exact brand and everything you could possibly need.

When you wake up, he already has a meal prepared for you. Sometimes it'll be made from a private chef or he made it on his own. He'll gladly carry you to the kitchen so he can feed it to you or if you want, you can eat in bed.

Would give you random and frequent kisses. He knows that during this time you can go through a lot of emotions so he'll make sure to give you kisses to remind you that he loves and cares about you.

[yuri-is-online]

Hey, remember the soulmate au by tiyoin(?) I recently read your post abt idia and Leona reacting to yuu being their mates, but I wanna take it a step further since I saw idias line abt the family curse (this has yandere implications so if it's not your cup of tea please feel free to just ignore, nothing is outright mentioned tho)

What if yuu has a family curse similar to the aishi family in yandere simulator? (It's been years since I touched the game so if the lore changed I'm basing it off of 2018 ish lore, just with my own twist) basically yes, yuu CAN feel emotions, they're just muted and barely there. Given the right conditions (like falling in love or spending time with friends) and/or antidepressants they'll basically be like any other person, without them it's like a less severe version of the aishi women pre-falling in love

So, afab ppl born in yuus family, once falling in love, start losing their sanities and adopt yandere like behavior (stalking, increasing rage and jealousy, willingness to murder, etc) unfortunately this means they usually die young (20s or 30s) how quickly/young they die is based on their willpower (resisting the urges) and when/if they fall in love (so someone falling in love for the first time in their 40s and having insane willpower, caving in 20 years later in their 60s has more luck than a 16 year old falling in love and caving in almost immediately). Unfortunately everyone is a carrier, men carry the gene and can pass it to their daughters, but it only presents in the women/afab ppl, so transfems won't be affected but transmascs will.

What if yuu fell in love already (in their own world) and has just been doing a really REALLY good job at Resisting The Urges™️. Like, sometimes they slip up and cave in to anger or get ridiculously jealous, but they try their hardest to tamp down the feelings. Yuu has sworn off falling in love (again) and has given up their dream of having a big family bc of the curse, they're even distancing themselves from their object of affection in an attempt to "be normal again" at the cost of their own sanity.

So yuu gets transported to twst, and without their darling, they have the chance to be normal again, assuming they can get past the initial panic frenzy. Then the soul bond is revealed and they just go "nope. Not this shit again" and spouts cryptic messages about a family curse and swearing off love. I'm pretty sure most of the boys would feel a bit hurt by that lmao

This is mostly made for idia since his segment is what sparked the idea in the first place, but which characters from most to least likely do you think would try to pursue mc and figure out the truth to leave them alone and try to move on? I personally can't see someone like kalim giving up on both but I think the octatrio would try to look for the truth but be 50/50 on pursuing yuu or dropping them like a hot potato. Idia I think would try to relate to yuu and try to pursue them, but I think he'd probably be a bit put off once yuu starts dropping hints about the curse (he's a weeb so it won't take long for him and maybe Ortho to put 2+2 together and figure out the curse)

tiyon's soulmate au can be found here, their first post inspired some asks, which led to my own soulbound au the rules of which can be found here. Please support tiyon and interact with their soulmate au! They're a very creative blog and deserve the attention~ give them some reblogs!

so. uh. I got this ask when I first woke up and 1) very happy to hear from you Rose, always lovely to get a new ask and 2) yandere? sim? has lore? I did not think people actually played the game? help. i've fallen and misplaced my life alert. As a rule I don't really write for a Yuu who is just x character from y game/anime (it is in my rules) so while I was at work realizing I might be old I was trying to think of a way to do this that wasn't just yan sim (I wanted something properly gn) and I think I've got something? I am currently beating away the desire to info dump on you about the myth of Sigurd and Brunhilde (i could scream about that for hours oh god oh please i have written an actual au for that but efkjbekjrgbjrthnytrh) So here is the basic idea:

Yuu ran afoul of a witch in their world and was appropriately cursed. Given the myth I was inspired by I don't think Yuu did anything bad, but they still made the witch mad so they got cursed to lose all reason should they ever fall in love.

"You will be thine own destruction!" Cackles the witch and Yuu, who is actually normal unlike trey this person takes a deep breath and resigns themselves to researching a way to minimize the effects and maybe break it? They don't know they thought magic was fake until they thought they were just doing a favor for someone but turns out they pissed off Baba fucking Yaga.

They start to isolate themselves since they notice the curse starting to eat at them when they are around anyone the love; they consider going back to the witch and asking for further clarification but they can't seem to find them anywhere so they take some deep breaths and do their best to just be normal.

When they end up in Twisted Wonderland, and start feeling... weird. And it only gets worse when Crowley speculates that they might have been brought to Twisted Wonderland because they posses a soulbond.

And Yuu immediately freaks out because they don't want to kill anyone.

Now as for your question for who would try to pursue Yuu vs just leave them... well I don't really like writing un reciprocated feelings so I hesitate to say any of the cast would drop Yuu. In my au it isn't possible for soulbonds to not be reciprocated, and they are already sort of seen as a curse by mages so this... complication might not be normal but it isn't unexpected if that makes sense. Which would probably make Yuu swearing off love hurt even worse.

Kalim wouldn't want to abandon Yuu. Not ever, no matter how much of a danger they could be to him. Hell, he's willing to forgive people who are trying to poison him on the off chance they might regret it. But he is the heir of House Al-Asim, and I could see his dad paying someone to take Yuu out to keep his son safe. Something Jamil sees coming from a mile away and has to just keep quiet about. Something I can see Jamil feeling bad about, he might not like Kalim but you didn't ask for anything that happened to you. And yet the Asim's took your life from you anyway.

Have to disagree about the octatrio just a bit. Floyd would be into this. And so would Jade. But especially Floyd, oh hee hee ha ha his soul mate wants to kill him? Say less he is on his way to get his ass eat beat with an engagement ring in hand. Both he and Jade would be a little disappointed when the curse is broken and you aren't actively trying to kill him anymore... maybe you could try and poison him huh? Like old times?

I wrote 20 paper pages of soulbond au stuff for Azul so I will try to be brief here but... I don't think this situation would be one that made him try to break the bond. He has... complicated feelings about soulbonds already. If anything I could see him thinking he deserves this.

Now Idia. He's complicated. Pre-overblot he has given up on the concept of breaking his own curse, and I could see him feeling the same way about yours. Ortho on the other hand... even before he gets his soul he wants to help. After the overblot I can see Idia pursuing Yuu determined to find the truth and save them. Not that he wouldn't interact with them before that, he's a bit nihilistic so I can see him just making a bunch of jokes about the situation or promising to let Yuu kill him "after this next round." Or just straight up asking them to when he has to hit pity in one of his gachas. It's just cringe enough that it snaps Yuu out of the curse fog for long enough for the two of them to be normal around each other. And by normal I mean incredibly awkward

Anyway that's all I've got. Thank you for the ask ♡

[vveakfish]

thinking abt this post (not adding a screenshot bc op [@mrpsychokiller] turned off reblogs and i wanna respect that) but like, idk it just got my brain moving.

i did my undergrad thesis on how sex and community in queer spaces can often go hand in hand & how kink can act as a vehicle for finding community within a subculture can in some (but not all) cases be Very sex centric.

And it was such a fucking trip to work on this project within the confines of Art School™ & realize that nearly every one of my professors wrote off the deeper meaning of my work because the images i was making were a lil kinky.

It created this really strange dichotomy within the feedback i got that semester.

My peers (namely the ones who were also queer freaks themselves) fucking Got It. we had in depth conversations about what it was that i was trying to say, and it was so great to have them around me while i worked myself to the bone on these prints.

but when i got critiques from my thesis advisor –and all the other professors in my program – it was like all they could see was the fact that i was depicting men who also happened to be sexy.

I remember about half way through the semester, when we did our like midterm review or whatever, there was very little talk about my technique, or if the images were effectively conveyed, or any of the other things my peers who were tackling less ‘risqué’ subject matter got feedback on. It was all about how the work was horny & bc of that they weren’t sure if it was ‘impactful enough’ to be thesis material.

“Okay, so u think they’re hot. Now what?”

And the thing that i found So interesting about this whole thing is that these prints weren’t even the most erotic work i’d done that year.

the last project i’d worked on the semester prior to thesis was a series of four paintings of porn stills. Dick, Balls, AND Hole all lovingly rendered in oils.

So when it came time to figure out what i wanted to do for thesis, i considered going in that same direction. But in the end, i decided the point of the project wasn’t the Raunch factor. So, i chose to pare back the sex so that my message wouldn’t get lost in it.

And Yet, there i was, standing in front of a room full of str8 ppl who couldn’t look past the suggestiveness of a twunk bound in shabari, or a big chested bear in a leather jacket, or a drag queen dancing in sexy lace up heels for long enough to even consider that maybe the work Wasn’t just about that.

The thing i realized (only at the end of the semester in trying to work through my feelings on all of this as i wrote out my thesis paper) was that outside of my peers, none of the people who had a chance to view my work and engage with it before it was complete did so in good faith. They decided that my work was intellectually worth less because it could be read as horny.

And like, ignoring the fact that i wasn’t making these images for sexual gratification, it shouldnt have MATTERED if i were !!!

These professors spent four years talking about how our work should evoke feeling in people, and that we should keep that in mind while composing our images etc. etc. etc.

but as soon as they thought the reaction the work might have been evoking was Horny™ it wasn’t deep enough.

I don’t really have a conclusion to this post, other than to say i fucking agree with the sentiment of the one i linked at the top. Fetish, kink, or sex should not detract from a work of art. And the fact that it does is a disservice not just to the artists who enjoy working on that kind of subject matter, but also the audience.

If your first response when seeing a work of art and learning that it Might have some element of sex involved in it is to deem it wrong, or shallow, or gross, you’re robbing yourself of the opportunity to engage with the work in a meaningful way.

and this is not to say “everyone should look at fetish art, idc if it icks you, get over it!!”

all i ask is that you investigate why it evokes such a strong reaction in you. Is your discomfort actually about the image itself? or is there something else going on. Sit with it for a second.

and since i wrote all this out and talked about my thesis, i might as well link the essay here. I’m still really proud of this project, and i have the prints embedded within the essay, so check it out if you have the chance!

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 01.10.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren't i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

pina coladas (pt 1 + pt 2) - @han-nah-banana (jjk x reader | established relationship, smut, angst, fluff)

ok so um... the attention to detail is off the charts! like when the little things you mention about jungkook and oc, like them eating healthy foods, only having sex in the missionary position, etc. tells us so much about them and the status of their relationship. like you showed us that they were stuck in a boring, mundane relationship through little hints and i really love that. ALSO POV SHIFT IN PART ONE WAS SO GOOD! like the way their thoughts mirrored one another was such good storytelling ugh!!! also think you picked a great setting for this type of story, the 80s. it makes everything feel so real, like the sexual repression oof! so glad they got to bang it out in the sexiest way in pt 2! really really good for your first fanfic like WOW! loved it!

i can do better - @here4btsfics (pjm x reader | fwb, smut)

summary: your boyfriend of two years just dumped you and you’re angry and sad. so get hammered with your coworker at his place and eat bad food and watch trash tv which leads to some interesting conversations.

bro all you did is enforce my delusions that irl men cannot compete bc they are not park jimin. men should apologize for not being park jimin at this point. even kim taehyung... anywho lmao. DUDE and then oc listing all the things perfect about jimin. she is just like me fr!!! also like this is kind of how i picture jimin in real life ngl. THAT MAN IS A COCKY CONFIDENT DOM I WILL ARGUE THIS SHIT UNTIL IM BLUE IN THE FACE GTFO! and miss oc... no strings attached girl??? A WHOLE BLUFF. honestly, this entire fic is one of my daydreams when im in a lecture and i fucking loved every second of it bby! so so good. so glad you decided to start writing again, extremely proud of you.

darksided - @eoieopda (myg x reader | established relationship, smut)

summary: min yoongi adored you. he'd simply never hurt you.

i saw someone post about smut where the characters are so grossly in love is their fav genre. this is exactly that. this fic encompasses everything i love in fanfic. i felt like a fly on the wall, being dropped into the middle of the situation where i figure out who the characters are through their actions, words, etc. you do that so perfectly here. like the way i know everything i need to know about min yoongi through the FUCKING setting?? naur this is s tier writing right here. also there's just something you do with words thats v magical. can't put my finger on exactly what it is but here is an example:

"a quick survey of the landscape before you indicated that this was a criminal oversimplification."

LIKE IDK JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HOW YOU STRUCTURE SENTENCES IS GENIUS! like cannot even begin to describe how good this was. would die for this couple honestly. the smut had me clenching too OOF. so cool to see what you've accomplished on this platform in such a short period of time! it's so so deserved and i can't wait to see where you go from here. don't know how you can even get better than this like ur already at the moon um!!! but god it's only going to get better from here. like next thing u know u'll be a famous writer fr. wishing you nothing but the fucking best!!!!

[ashtraythief]

That post you just reblogged made me sob, wtf was that. Anyway I can’t stand Mary in the later seasons. She is super uncaring and callous towards the boys, which is just so hard to imagine because that is not how I pictured her at all. Ooof, I always thought she’d love the shit out of them. I mean, who wouldn’t? Your kids gave up everything up to avenge you, literal years of their lives. That just breaks my heart. Honestly, I just pretend Mary coming back never happened. Jody was a better parent figure? What is up with that?

Omg yeah, so good. Hurts in the best way.

I think my thoughts on this matter deviate from yours here, and I'll put my ramblings under a cut. 

I wasn't a fan of them bringing Mary back. I don't understand what the point was except that J2 wanted more time off and the writers/Show runners were too uncreative to go beyond which dead character can we bring back??? 

That being said, I really like the idea expressed in ameliacareful's post. I don't remember how callous I found Mary bc I've only seen S12 onward once or twice because they really lost me in S12 and I only finished to watch it all. I do kind of get it though. I mean Mary had a toddler and a baby, a husband and bam she's dead, bam she's back and her little children are grown men, living a life she never wanted for them and her husband is dead. Not to mention the time jump. I mean that alone is enough to fuck anyone up I'd think. As for loving Sam and Dean, they're not her Sam and Dean. They're grown men. She needs to get to know them first. Knowing someone wanted to avenge you is not a sufficient basis for love I think, because you love someone because of all their bits not just one thing. And Mary never wanted them to go on the revenge hunting train to begin with so she was probably more horrified than anything. I would have been. My beloved tiny babies growing up into giant hardened hunters? Ouch. Also when Mary was a parent before she died, she tucked her kids into bed, made them sandwiches, changed Sam's diapers and put bandaids on Dean's scratches and read them stories. She can't do any of that with Sam and Dean. She thought she'd spend her next 20 years watching her boys grow up, making them food, helping them/herding them with their homework, driving him to little league games, comforting them when they cry, etc. I mean a parent's relationship with a young child is so different from an adult child, I don't blame Mary for not knowing how to behave with them. Also, Mary is more than just a mom. She's a whole person and reducing her to just their mom makes her a really one dimensional character. The problem was that the expectation of course was there for her to be a mom, from the boys too and the show didn't do the best job to show Mary's struggle. They tried. But then there was the whole men of letters thing. And I kind of get that maybe Mary is so confused and displaced that she goes back to something that is familiar and unconnected like hunting but again, the writing was so weak. The subject of a resurrected woman confronting her grown children is so complex and they just… didn't do it justice. And don't even get me started on her and Ketch and the brainwashing. And then they killed her again for drama. that whole story just didn't work form me at all. 

As for Jody, I didn't really see her as a parent or mother figure. She's a mother hen type, sure, but I didn't see a parental relationship there. I do like her and her relationship with the boys, I just didn't see her that way. Sometimes, you just have a friend who does that caretaking, planning, worrying, mother henning thing, but it's not necessarily parental. At least that's my impression of that relationship. 

[daenerysoftarth]

"If you only listen to marginalized people who completely agree with and validate your preconceived beliefs about their community and never ever challenge you about anything you say, do, or believe, then you are not actually an ally."

Do NOT reblog that fucking post and in the same breath get mad that Jews have a movement for their own self-determination and right to return to the Levant that predates the modern govt you're mad at. Do not reblog that fucking post and then refuse to listen to Jews defining their own community's terms, and say weird ass shit about Israelis, or say they should have "learned from the Holocaust" (are you gonna watch to make sure Palestinians learn from Gaza too or are horrible acts of cruelty only meant to be lessons when they're happening to Jews?) Do not reblog that fucking post and then refuse to address the antisemitism inherent to protesting for Palestine in front of Holocaust memorials, showings of Fiddler on the Roof, and Jewish community centers. Do not reblog that post and then refuse to look into the antisemitism you're surrounded with or rid your movement of it. Do not reblog that fucking post, you performative loser.

Oh and support for Hamas, Hezbollah, Houthis, etc. directly gets innocent Palestinian, Lebanese, Yemeni and others killed. They are not good for the people they govern and if you think they're at all representative of those people then you're horrifically racist against Arabs. Remember last year when we all hated the Iranian govt for what they did to Zhina Amini? Are you really going to cheer for that govt's ideology when it's in a different spot and opposed to the (((Zionist))) one? Are you seriously going to demand we endorse or ignore what Hezbollah did to those Druze children, or what Hamas has done to both Israeli and Palestinian people? That's repugnant. You're disgusting.

Most people in the Levant, Israeli and Palestinian alike, want peace. That peace is not going to be possible if you keep cheering on Hamas or getting mad at Jews for not celebrating the brutal murder of their community members.

You are not an ally to Jews or Palestinians and this world would be safer for both groups if you and your vile bullshit weren't in it.

remember when those american soldiers tortured men at abu ghraib and the whole world moved on. i remember seeing that at an art exhibit when i was a kid. this was around the same time that my mom, a state employee, was trapped in an abusive relationship bc her government job didnt pay enough to support me on her own. simultaneously, she worked at the poorest school in our state, in a historically black neighborhood. underfunded, crumbling ceilings, my mom found a bat in her classroom once, stuff like that. ya know how it goes. i remember attending a lot of her mandatory teacher meetings--because she couldnt afford child care--where they would brainstorm ways to best support students who were homeless or living in group homes or with abusive parents. i remember one time the figure came up as an estimated 11,000 kids in our district alone were homeless.

budget cuts to education continue. budget cuts to transportation and social security and housing and healthcare continue. each and every time i see this happening to my communities, my friends, my mentors, my family.... and the justification given was always. "but our troops." protecting our freedom and what not. its okay if we invest more in guns than in school meal programs because of the ominous threat... out there. yes, things are bad here, but imagine how much worse they can be!! so hand over one more penny if you'd please

so imagine my confusion when i get a little bit older and i realize that, well actually it's not about peace at all. considering we're the ones that keep starting shit. how it's not about freedom or democracy--otherwise why did we do that in chile?--but just about cold hard cash. and material resources. and how that those who sell their souls and bodies take those pennies we had stored away for their own little versions of paradise. for thee but not for me

and culturally GOD to mention 9/11 was tantamount to bringing up necrophilia as far as killing the vibe went. god forbid you didn't perform a spontaneous pledge on the spot if september thee 11th was mentioned. but that homeless man on the corner is nothing more than an inconvenience.

the even more shocking thing is that ALL of that is a fraction of the pain and suffering and utter grief that palestinians endure at this hour in our world. there is a quote somewhere, which i cant recall rn, that basically said you know apartheid when you see it. you feel apartheid when you see it. i remember feeling that as a child driving from where we lived with my grandparents in white suburbia to the school my mom worked at, on the wrong side of the tracks (never a city where that saying has been more literal than louisville). i remember that feeling in 2014 when i saw a video of israeli citizens sitting on a cliffside in their recliners and cheering as they watched gaza get bombed during the 2014 israel gaza war. i remember that same feeling when seeing those pictures of us military soldiers torturing men in abu ghraib, with smiles on their faces.

no one has the right to apartheid. no one has the right to the spoils of empire. no one has the right to drain our communities of resources for their own selfish fucking ends. the same beast that robs my neighbors of peace and plenty is the same that terrorizes their homelands. fuck the us military. free palestine.

[faery-snow]

I posted 1,354 times in 2022

That's 1 more post than 2021!

13 posts created (1%)

1,341 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@accio-victuuri

@rainbowsky

@starsxinxthexbluexsky

@wwx-lwj-ai-ni

@theusernameiwantedwastakenlol

I tagged 1,341 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#the untamed - 463 posts

#cql - 249 posts

#wangxian - 241 posts

#yizhan - 203 posts

#mdzs - 195 posts

#xiao zhan - 184 posts

#wang yibo - 166 posts

#lol - 106 posts

#beautiful - 78 posts

#cql cast - 72 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#pretty sure it was yibo since in a post-filming cql promo interview xiao zhan was asked if anything good had happened to him bc of the role

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

It's from the show couple of mirrors and it's a wlw show! It's really cool! You can find it on youtube under 'couple of mirrors'.

I HAVE JUST FINISHED IT AND IT’S AMAZING!!!!

Republican-era China: 1930s style and swag and even some boogying. It starts out looking like it’s going to be a family drama, but quickly gains murderous edges. O_O

It covers emotional abuse and gaslighting. It shows a woman who sticks to her convictions even when the world is against her. It shows a world where children belong to the one who births them. It has epic 1930s spy movie vibes.And yes, the lesbians both get a happy ending.

It’s on Youtube and Amazon Prime. It is a must-see.

Thank you so much for telling me about this, anon. You are a star <3

3 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

#4

Being in the MDZS fandom means 🌄 morning sex and 🪦 mourning sex are both viable tags and you'll never know if the author mistyped until you read the fic

6 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#3

Best Independent News re: China

Guys, I love the news site What's On Weibo. I use it to keep up with the larger mind of Chinese society and where it's at. How they feel about their government's handling of "Zero Covid" lockdowns. The events in Tangshan where several women were beaten by men in a restaurant, and how netizens reacted. What shows and movies are big hits right now.

Everything from the heavy to the light, current news to social movements to entertainment.

I particularly like that their articles are about the people, not the government. You get the broader view, seeing how the people aren't a homogenous group agreeing with the PRC, but rather a patchwork of many beliefs and views and thoughts and voices.

I highly recommend What's On Weibo to other international fans of Chinese culture, entertainment, etc.. They're one of my favorite independent news orgs that has reliable info about China, and which lacks the typical Western bias against all things Chinese.

Personally, I'm a very satisfied reader. They're currently free of outside influence--no political or commercial groups funding them, no larger news org controlling them. They're looking for independent funding from readers so they can continue in that vein.

Anyone interested in supporting independent coverage of China, look no further :)

7 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

#2

The "cool girl" Liu Yuxin

I emerged from a haze of doctors' appointments (seeing medical specialists every 5.3 days for the last 2 months and yes I looked at my calendar and then used a calculator to figure that out STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT)--to watch the first episode of SDC season 5!

I'm using the method of watching the non-subbed full episode and the subbed talking-only bits simultaneously, switching back and forth between them on my computer. Which sucks, yes, but the Youku app didn't work for me. The talking-only portion isn't actually all of the talking, which sucks further. I'll rewatch when the full subbed episode is available.

I cracked up when Liu Yuxin talked about being apparently "cold" and unreactive.

Just like Yibo has been accused of in the past, lol! A bland smile, or no expression at all, that's her default. She's very calm and level about things. I like that about her a lot.

Of course, being told you're not emotive lands very differently for a woman* than for a man. Luckily, they don't make a big/gendered deal of it, just some light ribbing from the interviewer/editing team--no different than we've seen Yibo get for his same lack of effusion.

*I'm using woman and she/her for her because that's what she goes by in entertainment circles. In her personal life, she may be an androgynous woman or she may identify as nonbinary, I don't know. But that's the thing: I don't know. I don't want to make assumptions of queerness (although maybe we ought, since we make assumptions of straightness and cisness all the time).

Just like Yibo, of course, she has her moments of surprising emotion. When she sees a particularly awesome move, for example. She's very cool and I'm a little in love with her.

See the full post

15 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

WWX: I have this idea--

LWJ: That is the stupidest idea I have heard.

LWJ: I will come with you.

-later-

LWJ: I feel like I am doing something dumb by being here.

WWX: Then why are you still here?

LWJ: I did not say I minded.

WWX, having a revelation: I'm dumb, do me.

*stupid idea promptly abandoned*

51 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[snekdood]

yall are willing to die for trans women and not trans men and we should talk about it actually

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Mind games ('til we lose control)

Soldier Boy X Fem Supe!Reader

Summary: You knew Soldier Boy a long time ago, and when three strangers show up at your door saying he is alive, all of the feelings you thought you had buried come flooding back. Takes place during eps 5 and 6.

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, you know better than these mfs), fingering, creampie, praising kink, dirty talk, Soldier Boy bc he's a warning on his own, cursing. Spoilers for ep5. Read at your own risk.

WC: 7.2k I'm sorry

A/N: Yay more soldier boy bc we love shitty characters in this household. Hes so fun to write I'm sorry. And the finale left me in my sb mood soo I finished this piece that had been sitting in my drafts since ep5 came out. Pls father forgive for I have sinned. And so will you after reading this. Enjoy you sinful fucks

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Comments are reblogs are highly appreciated!

It had been decades. Half of a lifetime for some. But for you, it didn't feel like it had been that long. Once you left Payback, after Nicaragua, your life just felt like the same day repeating itself. And you didn't exactly look a day older than you did in '84, so ever since he died, it was like you got stuck in a loop of nothing but your own thoughts and your own company. 

Until these three guys came knocking at your door. You didn't know who the fuck they were, but they sure as hell knew a lot about you. Down to your close relationship with America's favorite supe, Soldier Boy. To the public eye it was always him and Crimson Countess. But before her there was you and him. You had… Something. You didn't know what it was. He was your best friend, and you fucked, a lot. Whatever that was, you didn't know. Though that last part was always kept under wraps. But it didn't matter because you weren't Countess, you weren't PR material. You were just the girl with the psychic powers and the purple eyes. But even when he was with Countess, he would always go back to you. And you to him. As fucked up as it was. As painful as it was, you just couldn't stay away from each other, and Vought really fucking tried. 

As painful and toxic as your thing with Soldier Boy was, you liked it. You liked it like you liked the control you could have on others, the power it gave you. But even he was more addictive than that. So his death was more painful than any pain anyone could inflict on you, because that you couldn't control. And as fucked up as it was, you loved him. In your own fucked up way. 

Soldier Boy is alive, they told you. 

He was fucking alive. 

It took you a minute to understand how. They took the time to explain. You weren't surprised to learn the rest of Payback's members had to do with it. Soldier Boy wasn't exactly the most loved. He was a fucking asshole and he knew it, everyone knew it. But you don't think he ever expected his team, his own girlfriend, who you knew he eventually grew to feel something for, much to your dismay, would ever betray him like that. Fuck, did he think you betrayed him too? 

The three men, Butcher, Hughie and M.M, you learned, asked for your help. You had nothing to do with what happened, they knew that, and they were hoping Soldier Boy did too. You didn't have his superhuman strength, or bulletproof skin, but you were pretty fucking powerful. Your powers, while psychic, were pretty dangerous. And you could be pretty useful at times, despite what most people thought. And apparently Butcher thought so too, because he wanted you to team up with him, Hughie and possibly Soldier Boy to take down Homelander, who you had unfortunately met at one point and personally thought to be a worse, less humane and completely psychotic version of Soldier boy. And those weren't exactly a good combination. 

That wasn't what you cared about though. You cared about Soldier Boy, about Ben. You needed to see him for yourself, alive. You could figure out the rest later. 

You would be lying if you said you felt bad for the Payback members who were most likely going to die by Soldier Boy's hand, an idea you seconded as soon as Butcher mentioned using Countess as bait. Your time in Payback was goddamn agony. Every member was an absolute ass to you, with the exception of Soldier Boy, who was only half an ass to you, but you had known him prior to joining Payback. Hell he was the one who got you into Payback in the first place. You were a psychic, and the team deemed you useless, like a cheap and weaker copy of Mindstorm. Even though you were the only one who was actually disciplined and skilled in combat. And you could do a lot more than just hear people’s thoughts and trap them in their own mind until they died. But alas, supes will be supes. And they harassed and abused you to no end. Countess being the worst out of them all. She pushed you around, verbally and at times physically abused you, and often used your mind reading against you until you lost control. Ben would step in at times, as ironic as it was, considering he bullied the entire team as well. But he drew a line with you, and he would break someone's back if they bothered you. Something Countess didn't exactly like, especially towards the end, where your on and off relationship with him was fading and they got more serious. She was particularly spiteful of you for years, and you wished you could say you gave a fuck. So this turn of events was particularly enjoyable for you. 

"You fucking lying cunt." You spat at the red head, your fist collided with her jaw with a particular force fueled by both built up anger from years of abuse and also for taking the only man you ever loved from you. Her head snapped back into place to glare at you, not being able to move much from her chained position. "You told me Ben was dead. You fucking cried he was dead. And I believed you. I cried for him for years. And what were you doing? Honoring his fucking memory at an amusement park while he was being tortured and experiemeted on."

"Awe, were you sad because you couldn't be Soldier Boy's fuck toy anymore?" She tilted her head cynically and pouted mockingly. "Or was it because he never loved you?" 

Your jaw slightly twitched, and your hands twitched at your sides, faint violet sparks radiating from them as your eyes also began to glow a light shade of violet. You lifted your hand, sparks coming from your fingertips as you opened and slowly closed one of your palms. She stared at you with wide eyes when she realized what you were doing. She looked over your shoulder at Butcher and M.M for help. It never came.

"I should've fried your fucking brain when I had the chance in the 80s, he would probably still be with me if I had." You stepped in front of her, your flashing fingers colliding with her temples. She screamed in agony aa electrity and vibrations shot straight to her brain. You were watching her writhe in agony with almost glee when you heard your name being called, or more like yelled. 

"Oi!" Butcher yelled at you, you of course didn't move a muscle. He grabbed your shoulder and said your name again. "Oi, Violet Storm, that's enough. She's Soldier Boy's to deal with, remember?" 

Your nose twitched, for a moment losing focus to eye the hand on your shoulder. You exhaled sharply, and groaned, shrugging his hand off your shoulder as you opened your palm again, releasing Countess with a huff. She coughed violently and you were wishing she choked in her own spit. But then again you wouldn't get the satisfaction of seeing Soldier Boy kill her himself. 

"I'm really gonna enjoy seeing Ben kill you like the lying and traitorous bitch that you are." You smiled at her in the same mocking and cynical way she had mere minutes ago. 

You turned around to face Butcher, jaw tight and your eyes still glowing. He gave you a look, not of fear, but of like "holy shit", there was some amusement there too. You wondered if he enjoyed hurting supes as much as you enjoyed hurting each other. Probably. You said nothing to him as you walked past him and walked out of the trailer. 

Fuck, it had been a long time since you've used your powers, since you felt so much power course through your veins your eyes lit up and sparks left your fingertips. It was like they had died with Ben, but now that you knew he was alive your powers were too. Your fingers still sparkled and your hands were shaking. Did he still remember you? It had been decades. He was tortured and experimented on in ways you couldn't even begin to imagine, would he still be the same or did they break the little humanity he had left? Would he care to know you missed him and cried for him all those years? Jesus. You closed your eyes and sighed unevenly, shaking your head in disbelief with yourself. Why? Why did he still matter so much to you? It's not like he loved you like you did him. No, he loved Countess. You knew she was right, but that didn't make you need him any less. Most supes had their drug, coke, alcohol, sex, but he was yours. 

The two men joined you outside, Hughie having stayed outside that whole time. Butcher and M.M were looking at you, both with different attitudes of course. Butcher looked slightly amused, like he was glad he made the choice to find you. While M.M looked disturbed and like he disapproved of what you had just done. You didn't care about either of their opinions though. 

"What the fuck was that? You can't be pulling shit like that." M.M reprimanded you. You rolled your eyes and scoffed. These men had known you for a collective twelve hours, and they were already telling you what to do. 

"I didn't kill her did I? She's fine." You crossed your arms over your chest. "Besides, when Soldier Boy gets here, she's gonna wish I killed her first. She has it coming." 

"That's not what we're here for. And that sure as hell isn't what we agreed on when we came looking for you." M.M argued, seemingly tensing up at the mention of Soldier boy. Butcher stood close to him, almost as if to calm him down. 

"I'm not doing this for you. I'm here for Soldier Boy. I don't owe you guys shit." You said blankly, but your expression hardened and you dropped your arms at your sides when M.M took a step towards you, his jaw tight and body tense. There it was again, like the mention of Soldier Boy riled him up. "If there is a problem with that, you can say it to my face." 

"You're awfully loyal to a guy who wouldn't so much as bat an eye if you got killed in front of him. If he would kill his own girlfriend, what makes you think he'd be loyal to you?" 

You clenched your jaw and your fingertips twitched with faint violet sparks, "The fuck do you know about Soldier Boy?" 

"I know that he's a piece of shit murderer with no regard for the people he has hurt. I know that he's just like the rest of you supes. And you aren't any better. You are just as bad as Soldier Boy." 

You took a step forward, your hands releasing violet sparks and your eyes were starting to glow as well. Butcher stepped right in front of you, creating a barrier between you and M.M. 

"That's enough. We're all working together here, remember?" 

"This one full on kills Gunpowder but I'm the big bad supe for shocking Countess. You don't know shit about me, or Soldier Boy I can tell you that fucking much." You glared at both of them, your face twisted into a tight expression as you turned to walk away. You heard Butcher call your name, but you ignored him and kept walking until you were away from their sight.

You were loyal to a fault. You often wondered if that was your biggest strength or your biggest weakness. And you were loyal to Soldier Boy, you loved him, though you would never admit that out loud. And you'd be damned if you weren't going to stand up for him. You hadn't realized how far you had wandered off from the property when minutes later you saw a blast and Countess' trailer blow up, leaving nothing but a ball of fire, rubble and ashes behind. Holy fuck, did he do that? 

You ran back to the others, and just as you were running in the darkness of the night, you ran right into a hard armored chest. Your heart raced as your eyes traveled all the way up until you were met with the pair of cold green eyes you had so foolishly fallen in love with. Fuck he was alive, he was here. You took a step back, your lips slightly parted as you tried to speak. You gave him a quick sweep with your eyes, full armor, still fit him perfectly, but no helmet, he had a beard and his hair was slightly longer than you remembered. But it was still him, the same freckled face, the same forest green eyes, the same lips. He hadn't aged a day.

"Ben," You said his name with a small sigh, tears pricking your eyes. You wanted to hug him, kiss him, touch him, anything. But you didn't. Your hands twitched at your sides, but you were frozen in place. You didn't know that he knew you weren't part of what happened. He was going to kill you too for all you knew. "Ben I— I didn't know—" 

"I know." 

"What?" 

He took a step forward, closing the gap you had just made and he ran his fingers over the side of your face as he leaned down. "I know you had nothing to do with this, it's okay sweetheart." 

"I got knocked out cold, and when I came to they told me the Russians killed you. I-I thought you were dead. I cried for you… For decades." You squeezed your eyes shut for a second, trying to stop the tears from falling. When you opened them again, you saw him slightly tilt his head and his eyes were big with pleasant surprise, and maybe endearment? 

"You cried for me?" He asked with a small smirk, like that was even a question. You scoffed softly and shook your head.

"You don't believe me?" You half smiled, you grabbed both of his hands, his shield being left on the ground and you placed them on your face. He looked at you confused for a second but realized what you were doing when you gravitated your sparkling hands over his temples. 

"Woah, sweetheart you don't have to—" 

"Ben, I don't think I could ever say what I felt with words. Just let me show you." You closed your eyes, and after a second of apprehension, he did the same. 

Your fingers ghosted over his temples as you accessed his mind, and you allowed him to access yours. With your powers, whenever you intruded someone else's mind, it could be like a two way street. You could get a glimpse of their mind, their thoughts and memories. But they could also get a glimpse of yours, but only if you allowed it of course. You had created this shield in your mind, so that no one could ever slip into your mind. You had only ever taken that shield down with Ben. You would let him in your mind, you would let him hear your thoughts. He couldn't see images, but he could hear your thoughts, feel your emotions like they were his own. It had been a long time since you had deliberately read someone’s mind. You were high on painkillers and medication half of the time so you didn’t have to listen to people's shitty thoughts. And fuck, it was overwhelming. He felt nothing but agony and despair, a storm inside your mind. He could only imagine that was a fraction of what you felt when he supposedly died. 

An uneven breath left your lips as you let him explore the darkest and most secluded parts of your mind. You let him feel your pain, and you could feel his. You could feel all the pain he endured during his captivity, all the times he begged for someone to come save him. You felt a tear slip from your eye. And just when you were about to speak, you heard someone speak. 

"Oi! The fuck are you two doing? We've got to go. You can kiss and make up later." Butcher, ever the untimely man, called out to you, making you break the connection. 

You gasped softly when you came back to, your eyes glowing violet for a second before they returned to their natural color. You dropped your hands at your sides and looked at Ben. You found his eyes, and they were a mixture of sad and content. And you could return the sentiment. 

Butcher and Hughie walked past you. No M.M. huh.. You didn't bother to ask and you simply followed them. Ben grabbed his shield from the ground and silently walked beside you, though you could feel his burning gaze on you. 

"I missed that." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Man I fucking missed bennies." 

You laughed at that, watching out of the corner of your eye as he crushed up the pills Butcher brought him and snorted them. That sure brought memories. 

"You know there's stronger shit out there right? Benzos barely have any kick." You said in your head, but he heard it too. He snapped his head up and looked in your direction. He looked at Hughie for a second, trying to figure out whether or not they heard it too. And then he realized you were talking in his head, using your powers. 

"Can you not talk in my head? It freaks me the fuck out." He said to you with annoyance. 

You tried to laugh and simply shrugged innocently, pretending you had no idea what he was talking about. "Sorry." Your voice echoed in his head again and he glared at you. 

"I'm sorry who's talking in your head?" Hughie asked with alarm. He probably thought Ben was having a PTSD episode and was hearing voices or something. 

"Mystic powers over here." Ben pointed at you. You smiled innocently and looked at him like you had no idea what he was talking about. "She likes to talk in people's heads to fuck with them. Be thankful she hasn't done it to you." 

"I do not. I just like to fuck with you." You said nonchalantly, casually levitating one of your knives in the air with a slight move of your fingers. 

"You can do that? Talk in people's heads like that?" Hughie asked with hesitation, his eyes a bit wide when he saw you so casually move your knife around in the air. 

"There's a lot of things I can do, kid." 

"Oh you got that right. The things this girl can do. You have no fucking idea." Ben said with a laugh, and this smug glint in his eyes when he looked at you. "The things she can do with her hands. Fuck, she can give you one hell of a time without even touching you I can tell you that." 

Your eyes widened at his unfiltered words and your jaw tightened as your face turned hot. He kept his eyes on you, and there was this shit eating smirk on his face, like he was enjoying your embarrassment. You loved him, but fuck sometimes he made you want to stab him. 

Hughie looked at you with wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape and he looked both confused and disturbed, "You guys?" You could hear the double meaning in his tone. 

"Oh she didn't mention it? That breaks my fucking heart Violet." Ben clicked his tongue in disapproval and shook his head at you. You stopped the motion in your hand at the nickname. Nobody ever called you Violet, it was Violet Storm or your name, only he called you that. 

"I swear to god I'm going to shove my knife into your ear if you don't shut the fuck up." You hissed in his head and glared at him from the spot you had claimed on one of the beds. He simply laughed and took a swing straight from the bottle of whiskey Butcher brought him. 

"I always wondered why you never told anybody 'bout us. I mean, who wouldn't want the world to know they were fucking Soldier Boy?" He kept going, pushing at your buttons like only he could. He was doing this on purpose, antagonizing you, like he was trying to punish you for something. "But then again, you did always want a normal life, marry some ass-kissing corporate asshole, pop out a few girls with pretty purple eyes. It was quite the fantasy you had, what ever happened there?" 

You clenched your jaw, one of your eyes slightly twitching, "Well maybe not all of us could move on and settle for the first stuck up piece of ass Vought sat in front of us. I actually wanted someone that loved me, unlike someone who just settled for the next decent fuck." You said impassively. You tried not to show your emotions, your face remained blank. His, however, was like an open book. The way his nose and jaw twitched and the humourless grin on his face screamed that your words were getting to him, too. If he was going to bite you could bite too.

"Let me guess, nobody lived up to the expectation? It's kinda hard to find someone who can do what I can. Did I ruin all men for you sweetheart? Is that why the minute you heard I was back you came running? Couldn't bear to live without me?" You didn't know if it was the arrogance in his voice, the humiliation you felt or if you just wanted to find an excuse to get back at him for the heartbreak he caused you when he chose Countess over you, whatever it was, you snapped. 

Without thinking twice, you flicked your hand and the knife that you had just been levitating in the air flew straight to the small table Ben was sitting at. The tip of the blade sunk flawlessly in the middle of the burger he was about to grab. His face was fucking priceless. He looked down in front of him for a second or two before his head snapped in your direction, his eyes big and jaw tight. That pissed him off, and not because you could hurt him with your knife, but because that was your intention, deep down. 

"Oh Jesus." You heard Hughie mumble, probably scared to be in the middle of a supe dispute with no powers now that the Temp V had worn off. But what caught your attention was Ben's reaction. 

"The hell is wrong with you? The fuck did you do that for?" 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was aiming that at your fucking dick." You hissed at him, flicking your fingers, bringing your knife back into your hand. You watched him laugh bitterly as he stood up and you dead eyed him as he stood in front of you with a tight expression on his face. 

“Since when are you such a bitch? Did the lack of dick and cocktail of pills fry your fucking head?” He said harshly, huffing at you. You bit your lip, feeling your face grow hot and your fingertips tingle with electricity. 

You stood up in front of him, back straight and head high, even if he was an entire head taller than you, you weren’t scared of him. 

“Since you chose a red head stuck up cunt to have kids with. You really were never too bright were you Ben?” You tilted your head and you could see the way his jaw twitched, but he said nothing. “I saw her thoughts, I could see what was in her mind, and trust me, she fucking hated you. They all did. I didn’t. Not that it mattered to you, you only loved her.”

“Then why the fuck did you let them do that to me? Why didn’t you fucking stop them? Why weren’t you there?” He questioned you, his voice getting louder and louder with each sentence until he was pretty much screaming in your face. 

“I didn’t know!” You screamed back, no longer being able to control your bottled-up emotions, and you snapped. He wasn’t expecting you to answer back, and definitely not scream back at him. He pursed his lips together and glared down at you but said nothing back. So you continued. “I fucking loved you Ben, and trust me I would’ve done anything to protect you but I didn’t know. I stopped hearing their thoughts a few weeks before it happened. I don’t know why, Mindstorm probably did something to protect their minds from me because they knew I would’ve warned you. I would’ve never let that happen if I had known. And trust me had I known you were alive I would’ve looked for you, but I didn’t know. I thought you were fucking dead for fuck’s sake. So don’t punish me for something I had no control over, I punished myself enough for the last thirty years.”

You didn’t realize you were crying until you felt your face get coated with hot tears. Your breathing was uneven and your hands were shaking. You had never told him that you loved him, not ever, you had never even said it out loud. You found his eyes, and they were softer, glossy even, and his expression softened the second those words left your mouth. It was like reality had smacked him across the face, a little too late. 

“Sweetheart I—” 

You shook your head, “Fuck you Ben. Just fuck you.” Your voice was quiet this time, soft and broken. You missed the look of genuine regret he gave you. But you weren’t looking at him anymore, you stared at the floor as you walked past him, shoving him out of your way and you headed straight to the bathroom.

Ben slightly flinched when he heard the door slam shut. He thought you ripped it off its hinges with how hard it closed. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, mentally kicking himself for being so fucking stupid. You loved him, how did he never see that? 

He was about to follow you to the bathroom when he heard Hughie speak, for the first time in the last five minutes, “Maybe you should let her cool off.” He said quietly and with caution, but he shrunk further into himself on the couch when Ben glared at him. 

“And maybe you should mind your own fucking business before I shove my shield up your ass.” He said to the brunette and smiled sarcastically at him. 

“Nope, I want nothing to do with this.” Hughie said as he stood up and went straight to the door, probably just to sit outside until Butcher came back, but he didn’t definitely didn’t want to be in there when whatever went down between you and Soldier Boy. Probably a good idea. 

Ben paid no mind to it, he instead turned his attention to you. He stood outside the bathroom door and knocked a few times. 

You wiped your face with your hands, keeping your face in them for a few seconds, silently screaming in frustration when you heard a few knocks on the door. You looked up and looked in the direction of the door and you had a feeling it was Ben. No, you knew it was him. 

“Fuck off Ben.” You called out, but instead you saw the door handle jiggle, but of course it was locked. Not that that would actually stop him. 

“Y/N seriously let me in.” He said through the other side, you heard him sigh heavily. You exhaled heavily and told him to go away again, but of course he wasn't going to give up that easy. “You either open this goddamn door or I’ll break it. And then we’ll have no bathroom door. Your choice.” 

You groaned out, running your hands over your face with frustration. He was fucking insufferable, and stubborn as fuck. But you knew he would just kick the door open so it wouldn’t make a difference. You sighed heavily and tried to compose yourself before you unlocked the door and opened it. You glared up at him the second he was in your view. 

“I don’t want to fucking talk to you.” You huffed at him, face fixed into a frown. Fuck he forgot how stubborn you could be too. 

“Don’t be fucking childish.” He rolled his eyes at you and invited himself into the bathroom, making you back up in the constricted space until your back was hitting the vanity sink. 

“Yeah because you’re so mature.” You muttered and rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest and you kept your eyes glued to the shitty floors, but you refused to meet his eye, though you could feel his gaze burn on your face. 

He sighed heavily and took a step closer to you, he wasn’t all up in your face like before, but just enough to be in your way and in your view. And he spoke again, his voice smooth with cockiness, “Do you remember when we first met?” 

“How could I forget?” You chuckled dryly at the memory, it was still fresh in your mind, you thought about it every day. 

“So you remember how you flung me ten feet across the room for trying to kiss you?” He asked with a small smirk. You weren’t looking at him, but you knew he was smirking, you could hear it in his voice. You pursed your lips together trying to stop yourself from smiling, and you simply nodded. “The minute you threw my ass across the room and I saw those pretty eyes light up violet, you fucking had me. I couldn’t stay away from you. You know why?”

“Hm?” You mumbled, still forcing yourself not to look at him. 

He grabbed your face, forcing you to meet his eyes and fuck he had you melting the second his green eyes found yours. He leaned down, his lips ghosting over yours and he spoke, “Because you drove me crazy like nobody ever could, I wanted you from the minute I saw you. You said I didn’t love you, but you’re wrong, I did, I just didn’t think I could have you, not like that.” 

“Thinking was never really your strong suit, was it pretty boy?” You laughed softly at him, not fighting his hold, not fighting his gaze, you just melted into it, you were tired of fighting. 

“Fuck you.” He shot back with a chuckle and a small grin. 

You were about to respond when he crashed his lips against yours without a warning. You gasped against his mouth and inhaled sharply through your nose, but you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t been dying to feel his lips on yours again. You kissed, him, and you fucking kissed him hard. You gripped his jersey so hard you thought you were going to rip it and you held him against you. He slipped an arm around your back and pulled you flush against his chest as his mouth covered yours. He bit your lip and your mouth fell open. He slipped his tongue in your mouth, exploring it like it was the first time, it sure as hell felt like it after so long. He held you tight and took as much as he could until you were gasping for air. Only then he pulled back, and he was tugging at your clothes like he wanted to rip them right off, he was tempted, too. 

“Fuck, I haven’t had some pussy in forty fucking years, I feel like a hormonal teenager. I really fucking want you, like right fucking now.” He rasped between breaths as he left open mouthed kisses on your neck. You hands were tugging his baseball Jersey off his shoulders when you heard him, and you couldn't help but snort. 

“Jesus. Everything that comes out of your mouth is so gross. Your head is even worse, it’s like fucking Herogasm up in there.” You teased, hissing softly with pleasure when you felt him dig his teeth into the pressure point on your neck, well at least he remembered your weak spots. 

He grabbed your jaw and pressed a hard kiss to your lips before he spoke, “Trust me sweetheart there’s a fuck load of shit up there. I can show you, some other time. I want to be inside this pretty pussy first.” 

“Fine by me.” You bit your lip, your thighs rubbing against each other with anticipation. 

You didn’t waste time, you knew Butcher would be back soon and off you would go. Ben stepped back as you pulled your shirt over your head, and he did the same with his, your clothes making a pile of clothes on the floor. You were all over each other in seconds. 

His mouth was on yours and his hands gripped your ass. You gasped softly when one of his palms collided with your clothed ass and he smirked against your lips. His tongue was back in your mouth and it was fucking messy and desperate, but you didn’t care, hell you loved it. In the process, he hoisted you up on the vanity and he stood between your legs. One of his hands tugged your jeans down your legs, your panties along with it. You kicked them off and you were pretty much naked, exactly how he wanted you. He pulled back, leaving you to chase his lips for a second. He smirked, bringing two fingers to his lips and he spat on them before he was pressing them against your clit. You gasped softly and your eyes instantly closed at the shock of pleasure. He spread the wetness of his fingers over the bud for a second before he was sliding two long digits into you. And you had to bite your lip to stop yourself from screaming. 

“You’re so wet for me already aren’t you, pretty girl? I could fuck you right now, wouldn’t even have to finger you open.” He chuckled lowly as he watched the way his fingers slid in and out of you with ease. And you really wanted to fucking scream then. 

“Ben I know you like to tease and make me beg for it, but we don’t have a lot of time and I swear to god if you don’t fuck me I’m going to shove a knife into your ear while you sleep.” You threatened, one of your hands coming to grip at his longer strands of hair. And he laughed at you, you sounded more desperate than anything. 

“I forgot how desperate you could get when cock drunk. But I like it when you think you can tell me what to do, it’s cute.” He chuckled, mocking you even. But his fingers left you as soon as he said those words. As cocky as he was, you knew he was as desperate for intimacy as you were, the hardened silhouette of his cock said as much. 

He pressed a sloppy kiss to your mouth as he tugged his sweatpants and boxers down his hips and his cock sprung free. He pulled you to the edge of the sink by your hips as he slid into you. He swallowed your moans as he let out a groan of his own the second he felt your walls squeeze his cock. 

“Fuck,” He groaned against your mouth, sitting still for a second, the bare feeling of your walls being nearly enough to make him lose it. But fuck that, he didn’t spend forty years in a lab alone just for him to end this before it began. “I forgot how fucking good your pretty pussy felt around my cock. There was never anything like it.” 

You were barely listening to his words, it had been a long fucking time since you had been intimate with anyone, let alone since you had been with him, and you were already fucking gone. 

He grabbed your ankle and hooked your leg high on his torso as he drew back before he slammed back in with enough force to make you slide back on the sink. And again. And again. He held you by your hips as he quickly found a pace. It was fast and hard, but you knew him, you knew what he could do, and you knew he was holding back. And you didn’t want him too, whatever he had trapped inside there, you wanted him to let it out. 

“Ben,” You could barely trust your voice, but he heard you and he lifted his head, his green eyes small compared to the black of his pupils. You tangled your fingers around his hair and pulled, hard. “I’m not going to break, you know that.” 

He looked at you, his longer strands falling over his eyes as he panted, and he looked like something snapped in his head. In any other situation, you would’ve been able to see that he was holding back, why he was holding back, but your mind could only take so much. He knew he wanted to keep himself together, not lose control, but fuck, if you wanted all of it, he would give you all of it. 

He grabbed the same leg that was on his waist and threw it over his shoulder and snapped his hips, fucking hard. You actually screamed this time, your eyes rolling into the back of your head, the new angle allowing him to bury himself deep enough to brush against your most sensitive spot with each snap of his hips. He wrapped a hand around your hair and pulled your head back, his lips ravishing your neck as he braced himself on the mirror behind your head. There was nothing slow or romantic about the way he fucked you, it was rough and animalistic, like he was angry and also desperate for intimacy all the same time. 

“F-fuck Ben, don’t stop.” You muttered out, your jaw falling open as you felt a burn deep in your stomach and you could feel electricity run through your entire body. 

The hand that wasn’t gripping his hair for dear life gripped the vanity beneath you in an attempt to stop yourself from sliding back and forth with each thrust he gave you. You felt electricity run through your fingers and you felt something crank under your hand along with the warm feeling of sparks on your fingers. 

Well shit. 

“Shit,” Ben chuckled when he saw the way the vanity cracked under your hand and some pieces fell on the floor. “You wanna come sweetheart? You wanna come all over my cock until you’re a shaking, whimpering mess?” He coaxed into your ear, his hips grinding into you as he released your hair and pressed his thumb against your clit. He could feel your wall squeeze him and your legs shake, he knew you were close to tipping over the edge. 

“My pretty Violet,” He pressed a wet kiss to your jaw as he rubbed harsh circles on your clit, and he soaked in the way your lips parted to let out broken moans. “Look at me. Let me see those pretty eyes.” He demanded you, giving you a particularly sharp thrust that made your eyes shoot open, giving him exactly what he wanted. 

“Yeah that’s it, I missed making those pretty eyes lit up.” 

Your eyes were shining bright violet as your orgasm washed over you, leaving you breathless and you shook, your walls clenching around him as a wave of wetness seeped through you. You whimpered his name quietly over and over again as he fucked you through it, soaking in the way your walls squeezed him and it triggered his own release, he didn't have to control himself anymore. 

“Fuck, that’s it, just like that.” He pressed his face into your neck and squeezed his eyes shut, a low moan of his own leaving his lips as he spilled himself inside you with a sharp and deep thrust. You felt the mirror behind you shatter just as he came, his hand putting enough pressure to make pieces fall out the frame. And you knew he felt it too. “Fuck me.”

He stilled inside you and stayed there for a while. You held on to him and you honestly had no idea how long you even stayed there. You just knew that you both were breathing normally by the time he pulled out of you, your mixed releases seeping out of you. Ben still had his face on your neck, but you heard him mumble something. 

“I'm glad you didn’t forget me. I know I never forgot you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

It felt different, the air, like you no longer could cut it with your knife. Maybe you just needed to fuck it out of your system. It tend to be like that with Ben, a good fuck would solve all of your problems. At least now you were being honest with each other. 

He was sitting on one of the beds now, and you were sitting on the other. Hughie had returned by then, not wanting anything to do with what had just happened so he didn’t inquire much, good. They were talking and you listened quietly, absentmindedly levitating one of your knives, though you knew you would have to talk to Ben about what he said. There were a lot of things you still had to talk about. But you would have time for that. So when Butcher came back with an address for the TNT Twins, you knew you were on your way to fuck some people up. 

You were suiting up when Bucther went to the bathroom and immediately came back with a distraught look on his face. “Oi, the fuck happened in here?”

You and Ben looked at each other, he had a small smirk on his face and his typical smug glint in his eyes. You were a bit more reserved and you felt heat rush through your cheeks as you looked down. Butcher looked at Hughie, and when the younger boy looked at you and Ben, Butcher groaned. 

“Fucking hell you two. I leave you children alone for an hour and you’re already fucking like rabbits.”

“Hey at least you didn’t have to hear it. It was fucking bizzarre.” Hughie muttered from his corner, looking extremely mortified. Ben looked at him with narrowed eyes. 

“I can still shove my shield up your ass. I guarantee you it feels real fucking nice, wanna try it?” He said to Hughie, slightly lifting the heavy shield in his direction and he flashed the younger brunette a perverted smile. 

Poor kid, he had to deal with the three of you. 

“Ben leave him alone, poor kid is already traumatized enough as if by your presence.” You said to Ben, slightly nudging his shoulder with your own as you leaned into him, your chin pressed up against his shoulder. He looked down at you and half smiled, his eyes bright and big. It had been a long time since someone looked at you like that.

You fucking loved Soldier Boy, and he loved you. In his own fucked up way. But you were okay with that, because you were fucked up too. 

[unwrittenlibrary]

adore you

summary // bucky and alpine enjoy their solitude, but the girl across the hall is slowly creeping into their hearts. (bucky x fem!reader)

words // 7.4k

warnings // diverges from canon & no major spoilers.

notes // just thousands of words of fluff bc that’s all i know how to write. maybe one day i’ll venture into anything else. fluffy bucky has my heart 

reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated!

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

The first time you knock on Bucky’s door Alpine wanders over curiously.

Bucky stares at the door silently urging you to go away. You knock again and Alpine begins to paw at the door before meowing loudly, which makes Bucky groan. “I’m coming.” He calls as he stands from the couch. He pauses the movie playing on his television, something ridiculous that Sam had insisted on. Alpine meows again and Bucky can hear you laugh through the door. 

He pulls on a hoodie that’s laying on his counter and stuffs his left hand into the front pocket. When he pulls the door open you smile brightly. “James!” 

The two of you had met briefly when Bucky had originally moved into the building. You had smiled the same bright smile in the elevator and offered up your name easily. Bucky had smiled tightly in return and told you his full name, a habit he had yet to break, and he deeply regretted it. Every time you passed in the hallway you called out a cheery James despite Bucky’s corrections. 

“It’s Bucky.” He mutters. Your eyes move over his shoulder and Bucky watches as you take in his very undecorated and barely furnished apartment. Bucky didn’t mind how seemingly empty his place was. He wasn’t home a lot and nobody but Sam spent time with him. Sam might think it was time to add barstools and a spice rack, but Bucky was content with how things were. 

Your attention is pulled to Alpine as he peeks out from behind Bucky’s legs. “And who are you?” You ask quietly as you squat down to meet his eyes. You hold a cautious hand out and Alpine only stares. You wait for a moment before he turns and moves back into the apartment. 

You don’t seem to take it to heart though. You laugh as you stand up. “He takes after his dad, huh.” There’s a teasing glint in your eyes and Bucky should be offended but the comment actually makes him smirk. 

“His name is Alpine.” Bucky says monotone as he watches you rock back and forth on your feet. “Did you need something?” 

“Oh!” Your eyes light up as if you had completely forgotten your reason for coming here in the first place. “I need salt! Do you have any?” Your eyes move behind him again as if you’re now suddenly worried the answer won’t be yes. 

“I have salt, yes.” He doesn’t move from his spot and only stares down at you. Your eyes flicker around the hallway before you smile nervously. “Can I have some?” You ask quietly. 

Bucky nods and makes his way into his kitchen. He expects you to stay and wait in the doorway, but he hears the door shut behind you.

“Didn’t want him to get out.” You say as you lean against his counter. Bucky’s a little put off by your brazen personality, but you don’t seem to notice his discomfort. “How long have you lived in DC?” You ask as Bucky moves to pull the salt out. 

“How much do you need?” He asks instead of answering. 

“Not much! A couple teaspoons.” Bucky’s stoic attitude doesn’t seem to deter you at all. He glances around the bare kitchen before deciding to just give you the shaker. 

“I don’t have anything to put it in, just make sure to return it eventually.” He shrugs as he slides it over to you. You grasp it in your hand but make no effort to move. Bucky sighs. “And I’ve lived here for a couple years now. I… I moved here after the Blip.” 

He wonders briefly if you know who he is. He’s not sure what happened in the years of the blip, if his name had been marked on one of those memorials. That had been before his pardon, so he assumes not. He wonders if Steve’s exhibit had been changed. He hadn’t been back since before the blip. Was he still in it? Had they changed it or was Bucky Barnes still dead in America’s eyes? His eyes find yours and then he wonders if you did know who he was, were you worried? 

You seemed fine around him. He hadn’t seen any recognition on your face when he had introduced himself all those months ago. A frown tugs at your lips. “Were you…” You trail off but Bucky knows the question. 

Bucky nods tightly and you take a step away and move towards his door, like you know he’s reached the limit on sharing personal details for the night. “Me too.” You finally say when your hand lands on his door knob. You pause. “It’s weird. Right? Coming back to a completely different world?”’

“Yeah.”  He nods. You have no idea, he thinks. He had just begun to figure out how to live free again and then he was gone. And when he came back, he was thrust into battle then lost Steve to a world Bucky was no longer a part of. “It’s weird.” 

You smile apologetically. “Thank you for the salt, James.” You say quietly. His eyes flash to yours but your face doesn’t give much away. 

He nods and the door slams shut. Alpine comes trotting out and rubs against Bucky’s shins. “Yeah, she’s weird.” Bucky reaches down to softly pet Alpine’s back. “Pretty though, huh?” 

Alpine pushes against his hand and Bucky takes that as agreement enough. 

//

Bucky liked helping Sam down at the VA. Handing things out, setting things up, and talking with veterans gave Bucky a sense of something. It gave him something to do when Sam and him weren’t away on missions. 

And he got to spend time with Sam. While it was something he would never admit to the man, he enjoyed his company. Sam had slowly become Bucky’s best friend. Not that Bucky really had any other close friends. 

“Thanks for helping out today.” Sam smiles as Bucky leads him through the hallway towards his apartment. “But you know, you can just come for a meeting. To talk.” 

Bucky nods. He did know that, really. But Bucky was okay with listening for now. Maybe one day he would share some of his story, but helping out now was helping him. 

Bucky stops short in the hall when he notices something sitting outside his door. He throws an arm out that Sam slams into. “Jesus, what…” He trails off when he notices what Bucky had seen. 

There’s a small brown box sitting on the ground. “Stay here.” He murmurs as he begins to move towards the object. Sam gives Bucky a look before following behind him. “Or not.” He glares. Both men kneel down in front of the box. There’s not much that gives anything about what’s in the box away, just his name written in fancy script. 

He reaches a hand out to touch it when the sound of your door opening makes him second guess and pull away. You were a little weird, but he didn’t want to blow you up. 

“James!” Him and Sam look over at you as you lock your door. You’ve got a red apron wrapped around your waist and your bag is slipping off your shoulder. Before Bucky can say anything like be careful, you furrow your brows at the men. “What are you doing? Do you not like cookies?” 

“Cookies?” Bucky asks as he glances down at the box again. Sam has already stood up and straightened out, but he’s still kneeling in front of the door. He can hear Alpine pawing at it, no doubt having heard Bucky’s voice, and he feels a little ridiculous now. “It’s Bucky.” He adds on now that he knows it’s not an explosive sitting in front of him. 

You nod slowly with a confused smile on your face. “Cookies. I made a bunch so I packed up the extra for you. When I knocked nobody answered so I left them, I wasn’t sure if I’d be home when you got back.” 

Bucky feels heat rise to his cheeks. He hastily picks the box up and stands. Sam laughs loudly and Bucky glances at him coldly. “Thanks.” He says quietly. 

You rock back and forth on your feet again. Must be a nervous habit, Bucky thinks. “I also made some cat treats. For Alpine.” Bucky recognizes the nervous tone in your voice as you stare at the box in his hands. “Thank you. For the help.” You say before spinning on your heel. You freeze and turn again, this time your eyes land on Sam. “Nice to meet you, Captain America, sir.” You look like you’re thinking of throwing your hand up in salute, but instead you turn again and rush down the hall. 

Bucky just stares after you until a muffled meow breaks his focus. He shakes his head before shoving the box into Sam’s hands and moving to unlock the door. “So.” Sam says with a poorly contained smirk as he follows Bucky inside. “She seems nice, James.” 

Bucky groans before snatching the box from his hands. “She knows I go by Bucky, she just calls me that to mess with me… I think.”

“And she knows Alpine?” Sam kneels down to pet said cat, but he jumps away and hides behind Bucky’s legs. “Come on, Al. We’ve known each other since you were adopted.” Sam stands up and rolls his eyes at Bucky. 

Bucky laughs softly at the cat. “She asked to borrow salt last night and kind of met him. Alpine didn’t really stick around to hang out with her.” He begins to open the box and notices a small note taped to the inside of the lid. 

He pulls it off hesitantly. “What’s her name?” Sam leans against the counter and pulls a cookie out of the box.

“Y/N.” He says quietly as his eyes skim over the note. 

James, 

Thank you for the salt. And the conversation. I hope you enjoy the cookies. I made some simple tuna treats for Alpine. 

Step One in getting your cat to love me. 

Bucky lays the note on his counter and looks into the box. His shaker is standing in the corner next to a small plate of cookies and a jar of what he assumes are the cat treats. Sam laughs and Bucky glances up to see him reading over the note. “Hey!” Bucky yanks it out of his hand and shoves it into one of the drawers in front of him. 

“Getting Alpine and you to love her, she means.” He laughs again and Bucky rolls his eyes. “That’s cute. I didn’t know you had a little flirtationship going on.” 

Bucky scoffs. “I don’t… What does that even mean? Did you see us in the hall? I don’t flirt with her.” 

Sam reaches for another cookie. “Really? Just felt like that’s how you would flirt. And you blushed so…” He trails off with a smirk. 

“I wasn’t blushing!” Bucky says defensively. He didn’t blush just because a pretty girl gave him cookies. He wasn’t in middle school. When Sam reaches for another cookie, Bucky yanks the box away. “Are you gonna order dinner or stand here and eat all of my cookies?” 

Sam throws his hands up in mock surrender and pulls out his cell phone. “Hey. No need to get defensive. Maybe it was just hot in the hallway.” He moves into the living room and flings himself onto the small couch. 

Bucky scoffs and looks down at Alpine, who has made himself comfortable at Bucky’s feet. “I wasn’t blushing.” He says quietly to the cat. Alpine just blinks. Bucky pulls a treat out of the small jar and holds it out to him. “You know I wasn’t blushing.” 

//

The next time Bucky sees you, it’s him at your door. He’s got a clean plate in his hand and is decidedly not nervous as he waits for you to answer. 

He lifts his hand to knock again when the door swings open. You’re standing in nothing but a sweatshirt and shorts that barely peek out from beneath it. Bucky swallows and forces his eyes up from your legs to your face. 

He gives you an apologetic smile when he sees your raised brows. “James.” You smile kindly as you lean against your door frame. “What can I do for you?” 

“Bucky.” He says automatically. He holds the plate out and notices your eyes catch on his gloved hands. “Figured you might want this back. I washed it.” 

You take the plate from his hands. “Thank you.” Bucky doesn’t move from his spot in the hallway. He’s not really sure why because he’s done what he needed to do. He just wanted to enjoy your presence, he assumes. You had begun to grow on him and your cookies were really good. Or maybe he had always kind of liked you. 

“Do you want to come in?” You ask. There’s an inviting smile on your face and he almost says yes. He wants to say yes. But he didn’t want to leave Alpine alone, he had already been gone for most of the day. 

Bucky gives you an apologetic smile. “I would… But I don’t want to leave Alpine alone.” You nod with a soft smile and Bucky watches for a moment before taking a step back.

“I’ll just…” He points over shoulder at his door. He turns and starts the short walk to his door. 

You laugh quietly. “Have a good night, James.” 

“Bucky.” He corrects. He takes a deep breath and turns to face you again. You’re still standing in your doorway watching him amused. “Do you want to… You can come to mine instead?” 

Your small smile transforms into something bright and excited as you nod. “That would be great. Let me grab my keys.” You hold a finger up and disappear into your apartment. 

As soon as you're out of sight Bucky slumps against the wall. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He thinks. His living room is bare except for the small, shitty couch Sam had persuaded him into buying. That and a lamp on an Ikea side table and his television. 

He imagined your living room was much homier. Probably decorated to fit your aesthetic and cozy. What would you think of his place? What did you think? You couldn’t mind it too much if you agreed to come, right? 

His nervous train of thought is disrupted when he hears your door slam shut. Bucky watches as you lock your door quickly. “Lead the way!” You look at Bucky with teasing eyes. 

Bucky smiles hesitantly as he turns towards his own door. When he opens it, he finds Alpine laying on the back of the couch and he stares confused at Bucky and the new addition to the apartment. 

“You remember Alpine.” Bucky says with a small smile as he beckons you further into the apartment. “It’s not much-“

“-It’s nice.” You cut him off. You’ve got a genuine smile on your face and Bucky begins to wonder why he had ever been nervous. You’d always been kind, he couldn’t imagine you having anything rude to say. “Hi, Alpine.” You say quietly as you step cautiously towards the couch. 

Bucky watches as Alpine looks up at you equally as cautious. “Nice to see you again. I hope you like the treats.” At the word, Alpine perks up and looks at you intrigued. 

Bucky quietly pulls a couple treats out of the jar. He moves as subtly as he can in order to avoid shifting Alpine’s attention. “Here.” He slips a treat into your hand. “See if he comes to you.”

You hold the treat out in front of you and Alpine sniffs the air. You don’t say anything, like you know trying to coax the cat to you might spook him. Alpine seems to appreciate it and moves towards you slowly. He snatches the treat from your hand before dashing away. He disappears down the hallways, but you don’t seem to care because you spin around to face Bucky with a happy smile. 

“Did you see that?” You laugh. Bucky swallows and nods. Briefly he thinks you have a beautiful smile before shaking the thought off. You take a seat on his couch and pull your legs up underneath you. “I’ll be his favorite in no time.”  

Bucky snorts. “I’m sure.” He says sarcastically. He sits next to you on the couch and moves to hand the remote to you. He lets a small smile be directed at you as he watches you make yourself comfortable in his home. It’s not much, but you seem to fit right in. 

When your eyes land on his gloved hands again, he thinks you’re gonna ask for a reasoning behind them. He’d have to come up with a poor excuse, not wanting to share the truth yet. But your eyes move from his hands to his face and you take the remote with a smirk. “You ever seen Legally Blonde?”

And, well. That’s that. 

//

The next time you and Bucky see each other, it’s in passing. He’s going out as you’re coming in. There’s a grease stain on your shirt and your red apron is barely stuffed into your purse.

Bucky hesitates for a moment. “Hey.” He says quietly. You spin around and slam backwards into your door. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.” He takes a cautious step towards you. His eyes trail over your face, your eyes are red and he can tell how exhausted you are. 

“It’s okay.” You say quietly. You take a few calming breaths. “I was in my head. It was a rough night.” 

Bucky leans against the wall next to you. “Wanna talk about it?” He’s grown so used to you just stopping to chat that this tense silence feels wrong. Normally he wouldn’t even have to prompt you, he would listen as you just launch into a story easily.

You trail your eyes over his outfit. “You look like you’re headed out.”

Bucky shrugs and doesn’t move from his spot. “Just a recap then. I have time.” He’s not sure what’s inspired him to do this. But he thinks it has something to do with this newfound fondness to your bright personality. He wants it back. 

You take a deep breath and nod. “Come in for a glass of water? Then I’ll let you go.” 

Bucky sighs in relief. “Sounds perfect.” He follows you into the apartment. It’s different from his. Bright, like you. You’ve got posters hanging neatly on the wall your tv is against. Plants sitting by your window. A large couch and soft rug. “Nice place.” He comments as he moves to sit on one of your barstools.

You laugh softly. “Thanks.” You drop your purse onto the counter and turn to pull two glasses out of the cupboard. “Where are you headed? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

Bucky glances at the time on your stove. “Oh… I help my friend out with meetings at the VA. I was headed to help him set up.” 

You slide a glass of water towards him. “You’re a vet?” He takes it with an appreciative smile. “I didn’t…” You shake your head. “Thank you.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m not…” He trails off unsure of how to explain his status to you. Did you really not know who he was? “Tonight's topic is you.”

You roll your eyes and lean back against the counter. “Have you ever just had a bad day? Where nothing seems to go right?” Bucky nods and you sigh. “My master’s thesis, I’ve been working on it for months, I got back my draft today from my advisor and he tore it apart. Had a good cry about that. Got called in early to work, I need the money so I said yes. The diner was busy and we were short staffed. To top it off, my last customer of the night was a douche. He hit on me all night. When I told him no to getting my phone number, he threatened to take my tip away.” You laugh bitterly as Bucky sits in silence, listening intently. “And then when I walked away, he tried to grab me. So… Stellar night over all.” 

“Want me to kill him?” The words are out of Bucky’s mouth before he can think. He couldn’t imagine being forced to be nice to somebody who was just harassing him all night. In fact, he knows he wouldn’t be. And he knows you certainly didn’t deserve treatment like that. 

You let out a shocked laugh that turns into a full blown laughing fit. Bucky lets out an awkward chuckle as he watches you shake. 

“That’s…” You trail off and Bucky notices tears gathering in your eyes. “That’s really sweet.” You say wetly. 

“Hey.” Bucky stands up and takes a step towards you. He pauses, unsure of what to do, but when you start to shake again, this time with tears, his decision is made. “Hey. You’re okay.” 

He pulls you into him and you come easily. You wrap your arms tightly around his waist and rest your head against his chest as you let it out. 

Bucky rubs your back and tries his best to calm his rapidly beating heart. He hopes you can’t hear it because he’s sure it would break any kind of aura of nonchalance he had created. 

He glances at the time again. He really has to go. The meeting was starting soon and he’s sure Sam is worried about where Bucky is. He pulls back slowly, not wanting to let go. 

You look at him with sad eyes. “I’m so sorry. I have to go.” You nod dejectedly and take a step back. You don’t go too far, both of your hands still clinging to his jacket. “Can you watch Alpine?” He rushes the words out and he knows there’s a light blush rising to his cheeks. He just wants to make you feel better and he really does hate leaving his cat alone. 

You furrow your brows. “What?” 

“I mean.” He takes a hurried step back suddenly aware of you still wrapped in his arms. “I hate leaving him alone. And… You look like you could use some furry company.” 

A slow smile spreads across your face. “Are you saying your cat likes me?”

“No.” Bucky laughs. “But you are the only other person he doesn’t completely hate.” 

“I would love to watch Alpine.” You take a few rushed steps out of your kitchen. “I’ll change and head over.” 

Bucky lets out a relieved breath and nods. “Good. Cool. I mean-“ He shakes his head. “-my spare key is on top of my door. You don’t have to do anything but hang out with him. Don’t expect cuddles though, I’m not sure you’re on that level yet. Don’t give him too many treats.” 

You’re nodding like his instructions are even the smallest bit important. “I have to go.” Bucky says ago and takes another step towards the door. “I’ll see you later.” 

You nod and take off down your hall. Bucky lingers by your door for a moment.

“Wait!” You yell and come rushing out again. Bucky freezes and turns to look at you. “Thank you…James.” You smile brightly before spinning around again and disappearing. 

Bucky smiles to himself as he leaves. The bright was back. 

//

When Bucky gets home he’s more nervous than when he left. His palm is sweaty and all that’s on his mind is Sam’s constant teasing. 

Bucky didn’t have a crush. He just… Liked having you around. That didn’t mean he wanted to date you. Maybe he did think you were pretty. And sure when you had let him hug you earlier it had made his heart race. 

But it wasn’t a crush. Bucky was too old to have a crush. He takes a deep breath before opening his door. He can hear a movie playing softly before he even looks up. 

“Hey.” You say quietly from where you’re laying on his couch. You sit up hastily with an embarrassed smile. Alpine is laying on the chair across from you. “We’re friends!” You point to the sleeping cat. 

Bucky nods. “He actually stayed in the same room as you all night?” He asks doubtfully. 

You frown, but there’s a mischievous sparkle in your eyes. “Maybe not all night. But he came out like an hour ago. I think he gave up on waiting for me to leave.” 

You pat the spot next to you on the couch and Bucky moves as quietly as he can. “How was your night? Do you feel better?” He looks you over. You looked less tired and from the blankets piled on his couch it looks like you had taken a nap. 

You nod. “A lot better… Thank you. I really appreciate you letting me hang out with your cat.” You look up at him with a nervous smile. “He’s just like you. You two were made for each other.” 

Bucky glances at Alpine. “What does that mean?” 

You poke Bucky’s leg with your socked foot. “Hard exterior, secretly wants to be best buds with me.” 

Bucky snorts and gently shoves your foot away. “My secret plan has been outed. Make the girl from 4B my best friend.” You laugh and move to tuck your feet under his leg. It’s silent for a moment, and Bucky knows you’re watching him so he busies himself with watching Alpine.

“Hey…” You trail off waiting for Bucky to turn his attention to you. “I don’t want to upset you or anything.” 

“That’s always a good start.” Bucky says nervously as he focuses on you. Your hands are fidgeting in your lap as you watch him. “What’s wrong?” 

You shake your head quickly. “Nothing’s wrong! I just… Promise you won’t be upset with me?” Your eyes are pleading and Bucky can feel himself get anxious. What could you be so nervous about? 

“What’s wrong?” He asks quietly. You don’t say anything, so Bucky swallows hard. “I promise.” He nods slowly. 

“Okay.” You take a deep breath. Bucky watches your eyes shift around the room before landing on his hands clenched together in his lap. “I thought I recognized you. Like, your name is so familiar and then when I saw you with Captain America…” 

Bucky looks down at his hands and nods. He knew where this was going. “I…” He trails off. 

“I looked you up.” You rush the words out. Your voice is small and Bucky feels any hopes he had for this friendship shatter around him. 

“I don’t… I’m not any of those things anymore.” Bucky cringes. His leg is shaking anxiously, but he just can’t get it to stop. He can’t even get himself to look up from his gloved hands, didn’t want to see the fear or disbelief that would be painted across your face. 

Your toes poke at his thigh again and it forces Bucky to look over at you. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you watch him, but there’s no trace of fear or anger, you wear the same kind smile that you always did. 

“I know that.” You whisper softly. Your eyes move past him and Bucky follows your line of vision to Alpine, whose bright eyes are staring at him. Bucky smiles gently at the cat as he stretches out and hops off the chair. Alpine rubs against Bucky’s shins, a welcome distraction from the impending conversation. Your feet curve upward to poke Bucky in the leg again. He looks up hastily at the gesture. “When I asked if you were a vet earlier, why did you say no?” 

Bucky purses his lips to think. The truth was he wasn’t at all sure how to explain everything to you. He didn’t have to explain things to Sam or Steve, they knew. “My war was a long time ago.” He settles on saying. 

“That doesn’t make you any less a veteran.” You say firmly.  “And there’s not much online about the Winter Soldier-“ There’s ringing in Bucky’s ears as the words come out of your mouth. What had you found? And what were you thinking? 

“Hey.” You lean over and place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “There’s not much online, but I didn’t read what there was because I knew that it was your story to tell me. When you’re ready.” 

Bucky inhales sharply as you look at him with curious eyes. “I… I did a lot of bad things. I… I worked on making amends and I… I was pardoned.” He pleads with you like he’s sure you’ll walk out if you know everything. 

“Okay.” The word is quiet and your hand is still resting on his shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I just wanted you to know that I’m your friend. Even with your super cool secret identity.” 

Bucky laughs at that. “It’s not a secret if you use your real name.” 

“Ah! You agree? We’re friends?” You say with a smirk. “Does that mean I get to see the super cool metal arm that’s always been covered around me?” 

Bucky shakes his head, but laughs. “Not yet.” You’re watching him carefully so he gives you a small smile. “I would say we’re friends though, yeah.” 

//

Suddenly, you’re always there. 

When Bucky has missions with Sam, you check in on Alpine for him. His spare key has moved from above his door to your keychain. 

You’ll come over with treats when he gets home from the VA. (Bucky likes to think you check for him when you hear the heavy footsteps in the hall and that’s why you’re always there right after he gets home.) 

He’ll bring dishes back whenever he sees you get home. (He does check the peephole when he hears footsteps.) 

You send him pictures of Alpine when he’s away. Alpine who still won't cuddle with you or even touch you, but who lays in the same room and has recently started allowing short pets. He sends you pictures of Sam and cities they’re in. 

And tonight, while he’s in New York, you’ve sent him a picture of you in his bathroom mirror with Alpine sitting pretty on the counter. 

He’s not supposed to be up there. 

All he gets is another picture in return, this time you have a thumbs up and Alpine is still on the counter. Bucky smiles. Sam notices. 

“Your girlfriend texting you?” He teases. 

Bucky scoffs. “She’s not my girlfriend… She just watches Alpine for me sometimes.” He looks back down at his phone. Nice. He sends back before stuffing it into his pocket and looking back at the man. 

Sam nods slowly. “Right. She just watches Alpine sometimes. And hangs out with you when she’s free. Don’t forget the treats she makes you and Alpine.” Sam lists off casually as he looks down at his fingernails. 

Bucky feels an embarrassed heat crawl up the back of his neck and looks down at his feet. “We’re friends. She’s a good friend.” 

When he looks up, Sam doesn’t have a teasing smile, but instead a genuinely happy one. Bucky thinks that this one is somehow worse when Sam grips his shoulder firmly. “I’m glad you have such a good friend, Bucky. Someone outside this super hero business.”

Bucky nods and swallows the lump in his throat. “Yeah. Thanks, Sam.”

“I’m serious, Bucky. You deserve it.” 

Bucky gives him a grateful smile unable to say anything else.

//

Bucky creeps into his apartment at four in the morning. It’s quiet, like usual, but Alpine isn’t sitting on the couch like he normally does when Bucky isn’t home. 

“Al?” He calls out quietly. The logical part of him is aware that Alpine may have fallen asleep in his bedroom, or underneath a piece of furniture. But there’s another part of him that panics at the routine being broken. 

Alpine was always there to greet him. 

Bucky would rather be safe than sorry. “Al.” He whispers again, already reaching for the knife strapped to his ankle. He bends slowly and lifts his pant leg as he scans his eyes under the couch and coffee table in search of the cat. 

He stands with the knife in his hand and moves slowly down his hallway. His bedroom door is ajar, Bucky takes a deep breath before pushing it open all the way. Alpine blinks at him from the edge of his bed. The knife slips from Bucky’s hand as he stands, shocked in the doorway. You’re asleep. Asleep on the bed that he never used. 

The knife clattering against the ground stirs you from your sleep and your eyes widen when you notice Bucky standing there. 

“Hey!” Your voice is raspy and low. You rub your eyes and Bucky can only stare at your half-asleep form. “I… I thought you were going to be gone until tomorrow night.” 

He nods. “Yeah. I mean, we got things done sooner than expected.” He explains. You lean over to flicker the light next to you on. Bucky doesn’t recognize the pillow sitting behind you or the blanket that’s thrown over your legs, he thinks you’ve brought them over from your apartment. You must have because his pillow and blanket was sitting folded in his linen closet waiting for the next time he camped out on the floor or the couch. 

You smile apologetically. “I’m sorry. I… I got tired of falling asleep on the couch.” You whisper. “And Alpine lays with me on the bed.” 

Bucky hastily shakes his head. “No! It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. I should’ve told you to sleep in the bed. I didn’t even think of it.” I don’t really sleep in the bed. He moves further into the room. 

You scratch nervously at your cheek before freezing in action. He almost laughs at the annoyance that crosses your face. You had mentioned once that touching your face was a bad habit you had been trying to break for months. “I should go.” 

“You don’t have to.” Bucky opens his dresser drawer in search of sweatpants. “Stay here. You’ve already got yourself set up. I’ll crash on the couch.” 

You push the blanket off of your legs and Bucky has to force his eyes to stay on yours when he notices the already short shorts you’re wearing have ridden up your thighs from sleeping. “I can’t make you sleep on the couch, James. I’ll go!” 

“You know it’s Bucky.” He stops you with a hand on your shoulder. “It’s fine.” He stresses. “I… I don’t really sleep in the bed anyways. The couch is better.” 

Your eyes narrow. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.” He can tell you’re hesitant, but your rushed movements have paused. “My apartment is across the hall! I feel awful for invading your space like this already.” 

Bucky sits on the edge of the bed and watches curiously as you shift to sit next to him. Both your legs are dangling off, almost brushing his, and Bucky feels warmer than he had all week. “Doll, I’m serious. Beds are weird for me. I haven’t had one in so long that sometimes they’re just too overwhelming for me to sleep in.” 

He almost jumps when your head rests against his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t think of that.” 

“It’s good to see somebody getting good use out of this bed.” He leans into you slightly. “My ma would have thrown a fit if she saw how much this bed was. 800 dollars for a mattress... 800 dollars back then is like, thousands now.” 

You laugh softly. Bucky glances down again. Your eyes are closed and he thinks you’re almost asleep until you talk. “Do you… Would someone being there help you sleep in the bed?” 

You don’t open your eyes and Bucky’s almost glad for that because he can’t look away from you. “I… I don’t know. It’s only been Al and I.” His eyes follow the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe slow and calm. 

You finally look up. “You should stay with me. The couch isn’t comfortable to sleep on, I would know.” You elbow his stomach gently. 

He nods before he can even think about it. “If… If you’re comfortable with it.” He whispers. 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t. I promise.” You move away from him and Bucky already misses the warmth you radiate. “I’ll let you change.” 

He leans against the bathroom door as soon as it’s shut behind him. “It’s okay.” He mumbles to himself. His nightmares had been getting better, but that didn’t mean they were gone entirely. 

They probably never would be. And he knew he couldn’t let himself be afraid of the bed for the rest of his life. He had bought the bed. He just hadn’t expected his attempt at getting over the anxiety to be with you. 

Why had he said yes? He thinks as he shakily slips his jacket off. He looks at himself in the mirror and sighs. It was a good question, why had he said yes? 

He slips into his sweatpants and just stands in the bathroom. He couldn’t change his mind now. 

Well, he could. He knew you would give him a kind smile and reassure him that he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to. You were just that person. Kind and understanding and holding no judgement. 

“Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Okay.” He shakes his shoulders out and picks up his discarded clothes. He stops at the linen closet and pulls out his blanket and pillow. 

You’re already wrapped up in your blanket again when Bucky comes back into the room. Alpine has moved to lay the floor in front of his bed. You smile sleepily at Bucky. He feels himself smile back. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

(When his eyes crack open the next morning he finds Alpine curled at his feet and you curled into his side, he knows being with you wouldn’t be bad. It’s the first time he lets himself think maybe this really is a crush.) 

//

So, Bucky has a crush. Which is a little ridiculous because he’s over a century old and having a crush is so high school, but it’s there. When you smile in the hall and butterflies rush through his stomach or when his chest warms at a picture you’ve sent of you and Alpine. It’s so obviously there. 

“What are you staring at?” Your voice shakes him when he realizes he’s been staring at you this entire time. You’re sitting next to him on the couch, so close your legs are touching. “Do I have something on my face?” You reach a hand up to your cheek. 

Bucky shakes his head hastily. “No. Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts.”

“Penny?” You ask softly and Bucky furrows his brows in confusion. “Penny for your thoughts.” You clarify quickly. 

He thinks the smile that appears on your face is bashful and it makes Bucky feel just a little more confident. Maybe he made you as nervous as you made him. 

“You’re really pretty.” He says suddenly. Your eyes widen and you look away nervously. A hand scratches at the back of your neck and Bucky bites down on his lip as he watches you. Not exactly how he hoped that would go. “I mean… I was just looking at… how pretty you were.” He cringes at the words as they come out of his mouth. 

He used to be so much smoother than this, he thinks. He remembered having a new girl on his arm every week and a friend of theirs for Steve. 

Alpine meows loudly and Bucky just knows the cat is laughing at him. “Thank you.” You finally say quietly. “I… I didn’t think you thought that about me.” 

“‘Course I do.” He says equally as quietly. “Always thought you were pretty.” He glances at you and smirks, “Even when I thought you were weird too.” 

You gasp and turn to look at him. “You thought I was weird?” 

Bucky laughs and nods. “After you came in the middle of the night for salt? A little. And the fact that you keep calling me James when I’ve told you it’s Bucky.” He raises an eyebrow. 

You smile brightly. “You introduced yourself as James. Why would I call you anything else?” 

Bucky presses his tongue to his cheek as he tries not to laugh. “Yeah. I’ve regretted that every day since. Nobody’s called me James since the forties.” 

You scoff. “I find that hard to believe.” 

Bucky looks away. “Well for decades I was referred to as soldat.” He glances down at his hands. He’d stop wearing his gloves around you after you’d spent the night, even told you a little of his story the next morning. 

Sam thinks your relationship is weird. You spend the night sometimes and both of you find time to spend together when you can. It’s like you’re dating, but Bucky knows it’s not really like that. He thinks you both bring a sense of calm to one another. 

He’s not sure how to shift that, or if you would even want to, into a relationship. He glances back at you with a tense smile. “Steve always called me Buck. Sam calls me Bucky. Last person to call me James was probably my mother.” 

“I’m sorry… I never meant to-'' You take a deep breath like you’re preparing yourself for what you're going to say next. 

Bucky shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I was just pointing it out.” He tries to smile reassuringly. 

“I was just trying to flirt.” You say so quickly the words sound jumbled together. 

It takes him a moment to comprehend what you’ve said. “With me?” He points to himself. The words make his confidence rise exponentially. “You were trying to flirt with me?” 

“With you.” You confirm with a slow nod. You start laughing, but it’s soft and happy. “Of course I was! I wanted you to remember me! How could I do that if I called you what everybody else does?” 

“I don’t know. Anything else?” He laughs along with you. “I…” He shakes his head with a smile. 

You both settle and Bucky hears you inhale sharply. “The salt to come see you and talk, the cookies and treats for Alpine… I’ve had this huge crush on you since you moved in.” You say softly. 

Bucky nods, he could see it now. Then he starts laughing again. He feels you smack his shoulder. “I’m sorry… You… Sam said that those cookies and treats were you trying to get me and Alpine to like you.” 

You roll your eyes at him. “Keen eye. He saw I was flirting.” You tease gently. “Does it… Does it bother you? Or change anything? The fact that I was flirting?” You ask softly and full of nerves. 

Bucky smiles sweetly. “That depends. Do you still want to flirt with me?” 

You narrow your eyes, but nod. “I don’t ask just any boy to sleep in the same bed as me.” 

“Just me and Alpine?” Bucky nudges your knee with his. You nod softly and he inhales a deep, nervous breath. “It worked.” He says quietly. 

You nudge his knee back. “It did?” 

He turns to look at you again. You’re already looking up at him with hopeful eyes and Bucky feels his heart race. “Yeah. I like you a lot. I don’t... I haven’t felt this way in a long time.” 

A smile breaks out on your face. “I like you a lot too.” You whisper, like you’re afraid anything louder will break the moment. 

“Can I kiss you?” He whispers back. You nod excitedly and lean towards him. Bucky places a gentle hand on your cheek as shuts his eyes and leans in. 

His chest warms when your lips press against his tentatively, like you’re both still nervous it’s not real. Your lips are soft and Bucky knows his own are chapped, but he feels you smile against him and can’t stop his own smile from overtaking his face. 

You pull away, but you’re still close enough that your lips are brushing against his. He’s caught up in the moment staring at you when he feels something rub against his shin. 

It makes you pull apart. Alpine is rubbing himself against both your legs and purring softly. Bucky presses a kiss to your cheek. 

“Think you won both of us over.” 

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // what do you do when your midterm is an essay & gave you a headache? write bucky barnes fanfiction. thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it. ps i’ve seen some spelling mistakes promise to edit those in the morning!

[tryingahandinholdingapen]

you know what I think would just be. really funny. like it would be so good.

is if (bear in mind I know v little abt dc canon except that apparently even the canon is inconsistent as hell so like-) Jason Todd before he died on several occasions made quips that implied that he either wasn't gonna die and or wasn't gonna stay dead.

because as far as I know, nobody knows how he actually came back right? I think? Like the timeline I mostly see in fanfic I've read is

1) Joker kills Jason

2) Funeral, Jason is buried

3) Some time later, Jason /wakes up/ and fucking /crawls out of his own grave/ but he's not having a fun time

4) League of Assassins dumps him in a Lazarus Pit

so they know that the Pit healed him, but the impression I got is nobody has any fucking clue how or why he initially woke up right?

So I just really want there to be more content like the prompt I just reblogged (Bury me shallow, it will make it easier when I come back), or the post from a while back where Jason-as-Robin tells Riddler that when Jason dies he had better "check my grave yourself to make sure I'm really gone". And then I want there to be a fuck ton of fics where various characters, post-resurrection, are like. Wait. Wait. Wait hang on I just remembered something potentially critical. Do you remember when Jason said-?

Jason did you know you were going to come back

Jason did you ever really die

Jason can you even die? Are you immortal? Will you come back every single time? Like. Do you want to change your funeral arrangements because man, climbing out of your own grave sounds pretty fucking traumatic the first ti-

Jason where are you going

Jason

JASON-

I can't decide whether it's funnier if Jason does actually know how he came back or not. Either way I think it would be excellent if a) Jason is very cryptic and infuriating about it, no answers (or no helpful answers, at least), lets them run in circles for his own amusement b) they don't tell him his suspicions and are just secretly trying to figure it out and or figure out whether he knows how he came back meanwhile he's like ?? why yall acting so weird

Alternative, equally funny option. Two things happen, either order works: "Hood is back but nobody knows its Jason" and "Somebody actually checks Jason's grave- it's empty holy shit"

And then final point on top of those two: Hood makes similar jokes re: better check my grave yourself, /if/ I die you're invited to my funeral, etc etc. Based on approximately nothing, characters wonder if this means that Hood can come back from the dead the same way Jason presumably did (they don't know where the fuck Jason is and are very concerned but there's only so many ways you can interpret an empty coffin broken from the inside okay) and so start hounding him for information. He has no idea how to react to this.

And/or they go "Okay. So we have no idea who Hood is apart from - probably born and lived in Gotham, came from nowhere x amount of time ago. What if. We can't find him. Because he was dead before that???" Cue ridiculous attempts at finding his secret ID that are all wildly off point

Look

I just want death/immortality themed one liners, miscommunication, and Jason fucking with people as much as possible okay I just think it would be very good. Esp bc like. This could be crack or very angsty depending on how you spin it yk

(Also please note that throughout this post I was v careful not to clarify who the people/characters are....I think batfam/villains/random goons (Hoods men?) are all equally amazing possibilities

[daisiesonafield-blog]

hi this is to the conversation about harry's sexuality. you guys seem to insist that harry is gay but there are slight complications that i have to clear out. what about harry liking that porn tweet back in 2014 and then saying ''so the weather"? and him liking other posts of half nudes of female models

Hi dear,

I think it's natural for everyone to explore and be curious about sex, and a gay guy looking at porn that involves women doesn't automatically make him straight. The same way that a straight person looking at gay porn is not automatically gay. We're all curious about sex, and have or will look at things at some point in our lives simply because of that. That's natural and all a part of figuring out who we are and what we may or may not like.

I've spoken about this before here, so I'm including an edited version here bc I think it fits:

I know plenty of gay men who appreciate the beauty of women and follow such accounts. I also know plenty of straight women who follow a bunch of insta models on IG - are we second guessing their sexual orientation for it? No. A lot of straight women look at "lesbian porn" or "gay porn" too - that doesn't change their sexuality.

There are so many reasons why he may have liked this or followed models who are women. To immediately conclude that he can’t possibly be gay because he follows models on IG or liked this tweet is so narrow minded and lacks any sort of critical thought. It also ignores the years and years of other instances where Harry has shown over and over again that his interest in women is not romantic or sexual. Or how he has shown over and over that his interest in men is romantic and sexual. It ignores several instances where he’s shown how he identifies with gay men’s culture pretty heavily.

Not to mention it completely erases the possibility that those things are related to his own gender exploration and sexuality exploration. He's been quite straightforward in saying that these are things he worked through, and to dismiss what he's said and shown us is a disservice to his art and who he is today.

Sexuality and gender are extremely complex and quite fluid. No one has it all figured out from the get-go. They're also not rigid, and it's normal to explore - however that may look like. IG follows, or tweet likes mean very little when put into the context of what we’ve seen from Harry for the past 11 years. Harry at 20 years old knew himself far less than Harry at 27 years old. And we've gotten to see little bits of his growth and self exploration throughout this time.

He can be whatever it is he wants to be. And until he officially comes out and says something about it, we won't know for 100% sure. He's the one who knows that. We can observe him and what he chooses to share with us, and form an opinion based on that. But ignoring all of his signaling and coding is willful ignorance. As is ignoring the limitations he is under, both from society and his industry.

At the end of the day, he's made clear, especially recently, that he's set out to "dispel the myth of a binary existence". So, whoever he is, I'll be there for him, whether he explicitly shares a label or not.

You can check any of my tags below to see some of my thoughts on this topic (tags on this original post and thru my blog, not reblogs).

PS: I didn't really touch on this, but it's also normal to change how you identify as you grow and explore. So while he may have at some point identified with a certain label, it's normal if that has changed, sometimes more than once. This applies to anyone reading this too who may be questioning/exploring :)

EDIT: context for the liked tweet here.

[canmom]

pls make a post abt how textual trans girl zuko is, it's everything to me but i haven had the strength to write it out for years 🙇‍♀️

lol i deleted that post bc i didn't want to get in a fight with the friend who reblogged that post about transmasc zuko but sure, ok

it's not super complicated really. like i don't think when it comes to 'trans headcanon' there is like, a 'reality' out there, zuko isn't a real person who can be definitely 'trans' or not, he's a symbol who we fill with our own ideas of personhood when we encounter the story. rather it's whether a reading is resonant or not, which is going to depend on the reader and what they can project on a character. I expect my reading will be more sympathetic with trans girls ;p

all the same... zuko is portrayed as being raised in a fascist society (seemingly most modelled on Imperial Japan, as interpreted by a couple of American liberals writing for a kids' TV network) which values military bravado and individual displays of skill, and exercises corporal punishment for 'dishonourable' behaviour; all of these are part of the construction of masculinity in our world. and we watch Zuko try very hard to live up to the values of this society (despite being, well, very bad at it, to the point he increasingly becomes an ineffectual joke villain), since he has been cut off from all kinds of affection outside of Iroh since his mother was exiled. Zuko is pressured to believe that this will earn the love denied by his evil father who very publicly and sadistically scarred his face. this is all pretty straightforwardly textual.

now these values aren't necessarily portrayed as intrinsically masculine in what we can 'learn' about the fictional Fire Nation, at least insofar as Azula is able to embody them. but it's not out of the question for fascist and nationalistic societies to provisionally accept cafab gender nonconformity in a limited number of cases, as examples like Violette Morris indicate; if we look further back we get things like the medieval 'one sex' model and occasionally beliefs that like, sexual anatomy would somehow follow behaviour. so we could say Azula is probably an exceptional case - the footloose-pastiche and beach episodes illustrate that the Fire Nation definitely has some pretty conventional gendering going on, and the vast majority of authority figures in the Fire Nation are men. iirc they establish that descent is not rigidly patrilineal but the Fire Lord can name an heir; that said all the Fire Lords we see have been men.

so. it's not automatically that Zuko's arc of struggling to reject the values of the imperialist Fire Nation must be read as a struggle with gender given the text; however it is obviously quite resonant insofar as like, the common egg experience of like, trying desperately to live up to the hell of death cult masculinity before eventually it breaks you and you have to figure out another way to be. zuko's 'crime' in his father's eyes, the thing that dishonours him, is not merely speaking out of turn but doing so to advocate for something other than "maximum death all the time"; essentially, acting too effeminate! Fire Lord Ozai has to very publicly burn his 'son' because otherwise the generals would be like, wow boss, your son is such a fag, must be something up with the royal line.

(meanwhile Azula succeeds on the terms of the 'male' power structure, she's a prodigy girlboss etc.; but perhaps part of her issue is that she knows her power is fraught, she's aware of the abyss if she ever steps out of line especially after seeing what happened to Zuko (with her willing assistance). we could easily imagine the suspicion that would exist if military authority is considered men's domain; that's why she works so hard to terrify everybody around her. she's also desperate for recognition; as much as it's not fully convincing, her breakdown in the final episode comes when she's named Fire Lord only for her dad to put himself on a new higher rank of 'Phoenix King', leaving her out of the big showy genocide he's about to perform, and she realises she's just a tool to him rather than someone he truly sees as a successor.)

now let's go to the first season, when zuko is chasing the gaang all around the map and failing to catch them constantly, and dressing up at night to do things that his society wouldn't sanction (ok it's a ninja outfit not like a dress or something but still, i'll take what i can get), while getting in fights with a big buff guy like Zhao for whom living up to the standard masculinity is assured and easy. the idea of trying to express femininity in some tentative way and having the door viciously slammed shut on your fingers and like, flinching back and going for tryhard masculinity in the wake of that traumatic experience is one that's gonna be viciously familiar for too many camab gender variant people.

later we see zuko's arc in the tea shop in Ba Sing Se - ok, it is on one level just like, learning to be a decent person and there's a somewhat unconvincing hetero romance subplot in there, but you can absolutely read zuko's struggle there in gender terms. like. it would be so easy to imagine him trying out a maid outfit during that arc, right? ...no? oh huh.

later still, you have his failed relationship with Mai while living in the Fire Nation in s3... Zuko's trying so hard to do a heterosexuality bless him, and he just has no idea. it's like, papering over the 'break' from society that has developed, so obviously doomed to failure.

but it's also kind of the case that i just see an angsty bishie-adjacent (tbf zuko is merely anime, not especially bishie) 'male' character and i'm like mmhmm, nice egg you got there. ultimately it doesn't really matter whether you read Zuko as trans woman or a gay femboy or just an angsty sorta guy; it's a narrative that simply resonates with like, stuff we experience around the crazy contradictory construction of gender we have to live under - it's material that's very easy to pick up and run with if you're in the mood.

so the impetus for the deleted post was like, if (in my reading) zuko's arc is so obviously about rejecting the values we associate with masculinity at great personal cost to define a narrative on 'his' own terms; sure, that's totally something the transmascs gotta struggle too with from their own particular zone and with its own difficulties, i can't speak to that, and ultimately these gender categories are totally incoherent and fake; but like, 'zuko is a trans guy' is not the obvious reading that suggests itself to me! and i think if Korra had the guts to just be like oh yeah and Zuko's a girl now that would be based as hell, but bryke would never be that cool in a million years, so it's just something you gotta insert yourself if you're in the mood.

[miyaniacs]

PROLOGUE

NAVIGATION

summary: Reader: female; 20 years old ; Apparently you know something… but what this something is you still got to find out.

But curses, good and bad sorcerer now want to get you into their hands.

Ending up in the hands of the good ones, y/n finally meets her old best friend again - Yuji. Now Yuji and his friends make it their mission to keep you save in this whole new world. Days turn into weeks and you become closer and closer to your ‚bodyguards‘

Warnings: blood & not proof read bc I’m lazy

A/N: feedback & reblogs are welcome, especially since this is a new fic / story form I’m trying to do ^^ I hope you’ll like my lil attempt to give you all a jjk otome ‘game’ haha tell me if any of you wanna be tagged ^^

Cold air blows into your face as you exit the library. Looking up at the stars, you sigh. You‘ve lost track in time studying for your finals. It’s your third semester now and depending on how you’ll succeed in your finals, you either get a step closer to getting your dream job or all the semesters were for nothing.

Yuji always joked about you wanting to get rich, to help him succeed going on a date with one of his famous crushes… well with a certain one.

“Yuji - how would you be able to suddenly appear right in front of Jennifer Lawrence and save her from a monster - IF you don’t have the money to appear in whatever country she’s in?”

“And you’d give me the money??”

“That’s what your sugar mommy is for right?”

“In no where - NEVER - you’ll pass as a sugar mommy!”

“Lemme get that cash and the clothes and you’ll see.”

So here you are, trying your best to get an A in your business class to be able to turn the 2 weeks internship at Zenin Enterprise into a one year one and hopefully a job after graduating.

‘I’ll show you Yuji- you’ll get a check in your mail someone …’ you think.

Even though you haven’t seen him that much after the incident in your high school, you still texted every day and somehow managed to see each other about three times a year. At first you were pissed, because he didn’t tell you what he was up to and why he changed schools - but you leaned to accept it, he was still your best friend and nothing would change that.

Walking over the campus you make your way towards the train station smiling when you see Yujis name pop up on your screen.

“Hey hey Yuu~” you smile as you pick up the phone.

“Y/n! Where are you right now?” He asks, panic lacing in his voice.

“Just got out of the library, why what’s up?” You ask, your bows furrow a bit.

“Get back inside. Now. Immediately.!” He scream shouts.

“Yuji why- my last train arrives in a few minutes.” You whine, but stopped walking.

“Trust me Y/n. Please.” He begs, “I’ll be there in a few minutes!”

“Okay okay- is it because of the thing you can’t tell me about?” You turn around and start jogging back towards the library.

“Yes.” he says.

“Okay I trust you, I’ll be in the library in ab- AHHHHHHHHH”

“Y/N - Y/N TALK TO ME - Y/N!!!”

“THERE IS SOMETHING COMING CLOSER - YUJI WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE A MONSTER”

“NO NO NOOO RUN - RUN NOW!”

And you start running, this thing comes closer and closer, you can hear it’s steps getting faster and faster.

Your legs move faster than you thought they could, mentally your thankful for forcing yourself to go to the gym regularly.

Yet the thing gets closer.

You can now hear it’s breath, feel it in your neck.

All the small hairs on your skin turn up and tears stream down your face.

“Y/NNN!!!” You head Yujis voice coming closer from the distance.

“YUJI I AM HERE - HELP ME!!” You cry out.

Suddenly something slimy wraps around your ankle and you fall flat in the ground.

Screaming out in pain, you feel yourself getting dragged over the hard ground, some sharp claws digging into the flesh of your leg. Feeling the blood run down your leg, you try to grab anything and everything your hands can reach to stop the monster to … to eat you?

Your finger tips get bloody while you try to desperately hold onto the asphalt, just to feel your body getting dragged further away from panicked voice of your best friend.

Then - you stopped moving.

The force that dragged you away stopped. Turning around you see the lifeless arm of that thing hanging on your lap, but the rest of it is still moving, with one arm missing.

A blond haired man stands in front of you, some sort of short sword in one hand. He glanced over his shoulder, “Why are you still here? Run!” He says in a way too calm voice.

Trying your best, you try to get up, flinching as you now feel all the wounds on your body.

Your left leg, with the arm still hanging on it, collapses again and again whenever you try to put some pressure on it.

Something soft nudged your leg and pushes onto the arm. Looking down you see… a dog? Or a wolf? You’re not quite sure but whatever it is- it helps you getting that thing off.

“This takes way too long.” You hear someone saying and in a matter of seconds your thrown over the shoulder from some guy, you think you’ve seen someone during your FaceTime chats with Yuji.

“Care to help us?” He says to a white haired man with a blindfold on.

“Mhhh… no. I think you students should be able to finish this thing alone.” He smiles brightly, yet the man carrying you clearly seems annoyed. “But you can leave her with me, I’ll take care of her ~”

A silent scream escapes your lips, as the men sets you down, rather … rough, causing you to put pressure on your injured leg.

“Megumi! Haven’t I taught you how to treat a women!” The white haired male sighs and puts a hand on his forehead, shaking his head dramatically.

“This isn’t some sort of joke.” The blond one, that practically saved you from the monster, walks over to you.

“Well… the curse is tho - we thought they’d send something strong to get her, judging by who badly everyone seems to get her - but no. They sent this joke.” He gestures towards the monster, which is now surrounded by three younger looking men.

The one that carried you, another white haired one, with the neck of this jacked turned upwards and … Yuji!

Your eyes lit up the second you recognize your best friend.

He meets your eyes and a small smile appearance on his face, no wait… his mouth shouldn’t be there … why is it on his cheek?

You blink a few times, but his mouth now seems to be as normal as it can be.

The blood loos probably got to your head.

Right blood!

Looking down you see the blood still running down your leg. Reaching down, you touch the wound, regretting it the second you did so.

“Hey, wait, I get some first aid bandages out of the car.” The blond one says in a calming voice, gently grabbing your hand and guiding it away from your wound.

“Sooo you’re the girl Yuji always talks about?” the white haired men asks and tilts his head to the right, the index finger of his left hand tapping against his chin.

“Uhm.. I guess? He’s my best friend…so..” you mumble. How is he having such a normal conversation with you, when Yuji and the others are fighting this thing just a few meters away?!

“Huh… haven’t thought he’d be able to have such pretty friends.” The male mumbles.

“Excuse me?!” Your head snaps towards him and you glare at his covered eyes. “SHOULDNT YOU BE HELPING THEM?!” You gesture over to the three.

“Nahhh - they can handle it - but they are taking way too long - I was really lacking on training them.” He sighs and shakes his head.

You watch as the white haired man standing next to Yuji opens his zipper and says something- suddenly the monster collapses.

“About time.” The calming voice of the blond haired man echos through the now quiet campus.

“Here sit down.” He points to a bank and helps you sit down.

Carefully he cuts off the ripped leg of your jeans and gently places a tissue on your leg, trying to clean it up.

“Okay, I’m sorry if this hurts now, but I got to make sure that it won’t get infected.” He says and puts something to sanitize your wounds on the tissue.

“Y/N!!!!” Yuji screams and runs over to you.

“Yuj- AHHHHH” You head looks over to the blond male.

“Sorry.” He mumbles.

“Y/n. I’m so sorry I’m so so sorry!!” Yuji sits down next to you and takes one of your hands on his.

“It’s not your fault.” You smile gently at him, trying to ignore the pain.

“How did you know that I was in danger?” You ask and look around.

“We heard from many sources that basically everyone was looking for a girl named ‘Y/n.’ - Yuji quickly figured out that it was you they were looking for. “ the blond says and wraps a bandage around your leg.

“Now we want to know why.” The white man says and towers over you.

“How should I know. I don’t even know what this thing was- neither do I know what you are??” You start rambling. The shock finally leaves your body and the realization hits you. “WHAT WAS THIS MONSTER ?!” You screech.

“Hey, it was not as gorgeous as I am, but we’re not monsters.” A deep voice comes from Yuji. Confused you look towards him.

“Shut up!” Yuji says and slaps a hand over his cheek. But then a mouth appears on the back of his hand.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” You scream and jump up, almost kicking the blond male who was still holding your leg.

“I CAN EXPLAIN!!” Yuji panics, “SUKUNA SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE.”

“IS THIS WHY YOU COULDN’T TELL ME WHATS UP WITH YOU?!”

“Yes …” he looks down, “It was all… well … difficult to explain to you so I just chose not to.” He looks up at you with his puppy eyes and you sigh. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

“I hate you.” You sit down again and lean against his shoulder. Putting an arm around you he leans his head on yours.

“I know … I know.”

“Okay cool- but again. What do they want from you?” The black haired guy says and his piercing green eyes seem to try to read your mind.

“I - I don’t know. I haven’t known about all of this until now.”

“Tuna, rice.” The white hair male, who now has the zipper up again, says.

“Agreed … she at least was able to see the curse.” The other white haired male says.

Your face should clearly show the confusion, but it seems as if everyone just ignores it.

“Did anything happened the past weeks? … anything strange?” The blond one asks and stands up, adjusting his glasses.

“No… not really… my boss acted strange yesterday - well he always does - when he gave me some packet to personally give to someone.”

“What packet? How big was it?” The black haired asks.

“Uhhh I thought there was some expensive watch in." You look around confused. Everyone looks over to Yuji.

“Why? What’s wrong?” You look around.

“Who did you give the packet to?” Yuji asks.

“No one actually… The male wasn’t there, so I took it with me - I planned on giving it back to him tomorrow.” You stutter.

“Who’s your boss?” The white haired one asks.

“Naoya Zenin - I got an internship being his secretary.”

Everyone stares at you now.

“You’re coming with us.” The white haired one grabs your hand.

“Nanami - you and Yuji go to her home! Find that packet - if it’s still there.” He looks over to the blond male, before addressing you again. “Anything else you heard or saw before he gave you this packet?”

“Uhm… I overheard him talking to a man… “ you stutter and he grabs your hand, dragging you with him.

“With who? What did they say?”

“I - I don’t know…” you whisper.

“Then REMEMBER!” He says in a harsh tone.

“I DONT KNOW - HE LOOKED STRANGE …” you scream, annoyed the way he dragged you with him.

“Well until you know, you be staying with us.”

TAGLIST (open): @laceymorganwrites

[pearwaldorf]

If I never see another post from Franzeska aka olderthannetfic here it will be too soon. How dare she answer questions about racism and AO3 like she wasn’t one of the people who helped build it into the very structure of the site? I am quoting this directly from her post (emphasis mine): 

We picked the archive warnings from things that were common on older fic archives. Which, yes, reflects what fandom cared about at the time and is not neutral. (And when I say “we”, I do mean me specifically. I can’t remember how much my committee chose those and how much the Board and others drove the exact selection, but I did a lot of the research into older archives at the time. Including something about racism straight up never occurred to me in 2008.)

And sure, our views can evolve a lot in a decade. But Racefail happened in 2009, and none of the topics discussed at the time are different than those we’re focusing on today, 11 years later. For shits and giggles, here is my archived Livejournal post about the entire mess. If you click through to the other links (synedochic’s in particular), I think you will see this is something that didn’t just pop up with Tumblr and the SJW/anti contingent. (I’m not comfortable with conflating antis/fandom fundies/purity wankers with fans legitimately criticizing racism in fandom, but that is how a lot of it gets lumped together as a dismissive tactic.)

Which brings us to That Piece of Shit Meta in 2016. I am linking to the Fanlore entry for context, because the Actual Piece of Shit Meta is archive-locked (you can access it from Fanlore if you really want to read it, but it’s 16K of garbage).

A selection of commentary about it:

Guys, this was the problem all along. I’m doing fandom wrong by falling in love with the wrong source text. If I’d only understood that this wasn’t my space to enjoy non-white and/or non-male characters, because the majority of characters are white men, imagine how much happier I’d be in my life. (allofthefeelings)

they’ve been spouting yt apologia while fetishizing asian culture for years, this is nothing new. i’m pretty sure i’ve read franzeska saying the same things back when racefail ‘09 was going down. like most of this isn’t surprising bc it is exactly what we saw yt lj fandom peeps spouting in 2007-2010 and i’m personally not shocked that these people learned absolutely nothing. they don’t want to learn and being accountable for their actions. (astro-projection [edited to correct quote attribution and link])

Franzeska goes deep into the history of AO3 to talk about why slash is represented heavily there... But in 16,000 words over 13 chapters, there is not one mention of Racefail ‘09. Not a single reference to the time a popular Harry Potter LJ community used a racial slur as a prompt in 2007. Nothing about the Supernatural RPF Big Bang story that used the 2010 Haiti earthquake as a backdrop for a J2 love story (THAT’S A REAL THING THAT HAPPENED). Nothing about the time in 2006 that comics BNF Te pointed out the marginalization black characters faced on two then-juggernauts of white m/m slash fandom, Angel and Smallville. (snarl-furillo, the entire comment is worth reading so please click through)

This erasure of context and history is violent. Because many of the women of color who originally (and still) critique/d and resist/ed fandom’s normalized racism/misogynoir did so to their own detriment and with not insignificant risk to their personal well-being, safety, and privacy. Women of color were ‘outed’ by other fans for speaking out (doxed). They were attacked and silenced from all sides. They lost friends and community. They had to, with great vulnerability, cut themselves open and drag out their own private, internal experiences to air for all the (white) people who disbelieved them. They often found themselves speaking directly to a fucking wall of over-sensitive whiteness that would just as easily topple right on top of them. If anything in fandom is precious, it’s white feelings. And it always has been. (halfhardtorock)

In 2017 she was part of a Kickstarter to do a film about fangirls and fandom. I asked (you’ll need to hit “show comment” to see it) her to publicly comment about That Piece of Shit Meta, which she did. 

But before she did, Chelsea Woods, the co-creator of the project, emailed me about the comment. I don’t remember what exactly the email said, because it was a really long time ago, but she wanted to talk to me about the meta, perhaps to help formulate a response. Chelsea also reached out to somebody else outspoken about the issue at the time, and this is from a DM exchange I had with them:  

I understand why Chelsea reached out, as the head of the project and probably because she thought I would be more likely to respond instead of Franzeska. But tbh it feels like Franzeska's trying to get somebody else (a woman of color) to do the legwork for her. To the best of my knowledge I don't have F blocked on Twitter or Tumblr, and it's not like my email is hard to figure out.  I don't exactly relish the thought of talking to her, but as the one who fucked up, I feel like it is incumbent upon her to make the gesture...

I basically told Chelsea the same as you, that at this point there is very little she can do to demonstrate she understood what she did was fucked up, and that she has learned anything from the experience.

And when I tried to reblog her response, I found out Franzeska had blocked me, if that gives you any indication of how much she honestly wants to engage in discussion. 

Which brings me to now. I was literally today years old when I learned that Franzeska was head of the Abuse team for A While. (Bess says 2008-2012.) So suddenly a lot of things make sense, especially the lackluster (to put it politely) response about racist nonsense I’ve heard over the years, like in male hockey RPF. [edit: additional context in this post, ty Rukmini]

Certainly Franzeska is not responsible for everything racist about AO3, but she has definitely had a hand in shaping a culture that sacrifices the well-being and comfort of black users (among others) on the altar of “maximum inclusivity of content”. To turn the phrase back on them, who is “our own”? Why is it important to preserve an environment where a racially fetishistic fic that objectifies a black hockey player can stay up but a black fan basically has to go in like Viago checking for sunlight?

There is a balance between draconian content restrictions and letting racism, sexism, transphobia, etc run rampant on the site. I’m not saying it will be possible to find it immediately, or that it won’t change over time. But we have to try, if the AO3 is truly committed to making it a place that includes everybody, and not just the specific group of people who designed the site.

[lannisterdaddyissues]

since you reblogged a second ask meme, answer for matthew, bates, and tom pls?

DSHGUAFKJDGKDSF THANK YOU ANON ILYSM YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY MAKING MY NIGHT AND I OWE YOU MY LIFE <33333

Matthew:

Sexuality Headcanon: matthew is and always will be bi to me, i physically cannot imagine him being any other way <3 however, he is very closeted and very confused about it bc wtf men don't kiss other men?!?! (hc taken pretty much straight from this fic btw which is probably the greatest fic i've read for any fandom ever)

Gender Headcanon: just cis! i don't really explore gender hcs with characters that much bc i haven't experienced anything like that myself

A ship I have with said character: mary/matthew 2kforever <3 they really are the otp to end all otps and true love didn't exist before they invented it actually

A BROTP I have with said character: tom/matthew!!! their bromance was Everything to me!!!!!

A NOTP I have with said character: thomas/matthew bitch wtf is that i'm going to kill you

A random headcanon: he is a good little church boy who doesn't drink :) this is partly bc he likes to remain in full control of his mental faculties, but he also is reluctant to admit that he just dislikes the taste of alcohol lol. additionally, he is an ace at trivia! he knows so many miscellaneous facts about obscure things from reading books and takes great pride in impressing mary with the breadth of his knowledge whenever an opportunity presents itself

General Opinion over said character: he is my precious cherub and i would protect him with my life ❤️

Bates:

Sexuality Headcanon: my dude, my man, my guy...have you seen his private scenes with robert. he is so bi you can't even question it. he definitely experimented more than once while off at war when there weren't any women around and he has absolutely no qualms about checking out other men whether they're paying attention or not because they normally misinterpret it as his 'ascertaining how best to kill you' look

Gender Headcanon: this is a middle-aged man i cannot believe i have to say this but he is cis

A ship I have with said character: banna of course!! i get that a lot of people on here don't like them or find them problematic but aside from mary/matthew, bates and anna were the reason my mom and i watched downton in the first place

A BROTP I have with said character: oh definitely robert. i want all the war stories of those two, they have so much history and it's ripe for the picking

A NOTP I have with said character: defund his wife

A random headcanon: he always knows exactly what the weather is going to be like on a given day. when asked how he knows, all he says is "i just do" but it's really because his knee starts acting up whenever it rains

General Opinion over said character: he is my emotional support war criminal and i think he should get away with murder actually

Tom:

Sexuality Headcanon: also bi! he has definitely kissed another man at least once just to be sure and is comfortable checking out other men but only when they're not looking

Gender Headcanon: cis male again i'm sorry i'm boring

A ship I have with said character: i liked tom/sybil but i wouldn't say it's an otp. tbh i would probably ship him with matthew if i didn't love matthew with mary so much. i also secretly love brary, their friendship after losing the loves of their lives was just so touching and i couldn’t help reading into it a bit in some scenes in the later seasons 😭

A BROTP I have with said character: again, is there any answer except the tom/matthew bromance?? they were so special

A NOTP I have with said character: i hated edna and sarah bunting so much like can we give tom a new love interest who doesn't make me sick

A random headcanon: he's really good at card tricks! mary will think on a trick for hours after he's shown it to her but she can't figure any of them out for the life of her

General Opinion over said character: hmmm honestly it fluctuates. he had some very frustrating moments in the series where i was like wtf but i liked him from the get-go and i liked him overall throughout the series! i really enjoyed his developing relationships with the upstairs family and i was thrilled when he came back from america