#recoveryfail

[botanicaibeauty]

Who made the rules and said rice cakes get to be low in cals but rice??? tf?????

[destroyedbyanayes]

am i the only one..?

...who refuses to eat anything that doesnt contain at least one sort of fruit/vegetable because i feel like its a waste of cals?? is that just me ;-;

also in case you havent realised, im back lol. i tried recovery okkayyyy???? i just feel safer with ana ;-;

[sophia33]

I thought I was over all this shit but a few days ago I realized how much weight I gained during my recovery and I don't know how I'm gonna not steal all my dad's Xanax and taking all of it

[waterdiet]

I'm trying again

I haven't been active in almost a year I believe. Here's what I've been up to.

TW: Ed

I started classes in August 2021 and everything was going fine, I stuck to my restrictions and all was good for a little while, I even moved out. Then I decided to 'recover', but I just ended up finding safe foods that didn't make eating total hell for me.

My mom and I don't have the best relationship, and that didn't change after I decided to move back home. Our fights are a huge trigger for me, and I usually end up binging for days after we fight. It also doesn't help that she is constantly trying so many diets, whenever she talks about them it makes me feel like a failure and like I should be able to lose weight like her, which also triggers me to binge. This ofc has resulted in me gaining a lot of weight.

My 'recovery' turned into searching for comfort in food and feeling guilty whenever I even think about eating. So now I've decided that enough is enough. I am going to relapse and start restricting again. I only feel guilt and disgust whenever I eat, but never when I'm not eating. I actually feel happy when I'm restricting. Why not feel happy and get skinny at the same time?

I'm currently on summer break and go back to school in 2 weeks. I have 2 weeks to get my body used to starving.

I'm gonna start blogging again as it helps me hold myself accountable and stick to my cals.

I hope this made sense <3

[death-defying-rat]

So i was like eating and shit

That was pretty cool. Got a couple weeks of almost guilt-free eating. Of course, it would get to night time and i was bloated and i would feel like hell. But then, the next day i would feel hungry and i would eat, and it was good.

Then this weekend it just went. Selfhatred was back, i cant stop noticing the places where i can see the weight gain. Im scared to weigh myself, because i know that will trigger a full spiral back. A part of me wants to spiral back.

[tawdryqueen]

I'm a nurse

So how fucked up is it that I'm back here again doing the same old shit when I know better

[leopyropirate]

B/Ped earlier :( so chilling with a cider and a foot mask thing #recoveryfail #ed #bulimia #selfcare https://www.instagram.com/p/BtOz1lwjo8_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1r0726309rydy

[mikeyslifeondisplay]

Ha! A quote cosigning me obsessing: #recoveryFAIL #winning #enabling #quote #obsessing

[flofindingfreedom]

There were scales at the house where I'm dogsitting. So I gave them to a friend, after weighing myself three times.

[holleyelizabeth1]

I spent the last 2.5 months in residential treatment for my eating disorder. I’d been behavior free since my intake, but tonight I purged. #recoveryfail

[botanicaibeauty]

Bruhh trying to poop is like trying to give birth to a baby that don't wanna come out yet

[tawdryqueen]

Me

And no - I don't promote any of this

Depressed

Full of scars

Scared as hell

Puking constantly

I miss restricting.

A whopping 5'3" and I had surgery to get me there.

HW: 197 (there's what happens when you "recover" and get on antidepressants)

SW: 189 (is it really starting weight if you truly started 20 years ago?)

CW: 173 (makes me wanna die)

GW: I guess 160 at this point. Make it realistic.

[leopyropirate]

Something frustrating that @bu.shell knows has made me angry, so, somewhat ironically, I'm having a cider! :p Also, I'm not actually doing great atm #ed #ednos #bulimia #recoveryfail https://www.instagram.com/p/BtCUImFloh2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1tyt71ffda8eh

[calridley]

LOL i have an apt with my nutritionist in 30 mins and i haven’t done my reading or logged in like a week or followed my meal plans oops im gonna go get a coffee

[laying-awake]

For my intake, I have to keep a full food record for 3 days... and I’m still going to do it, but I haven’t kept a food record since I was severely sick. This is super triggering, and I know after I start, I wont stop.. This is triggering, and exciting, and nerve wracking, and I don`t know what to do... I wonder if they want me to keep track of when and if I purge....  fuck. 

[botanicaibeauty]

Want to be skinny to look cute <<<<<<<< want to be skinny to get railed GOOD