keswickian

[socially-awkward-chocobo]

Happy Kagepro Day!!!

[the-halfling-prince]

The King and Queen of The UnNamed Kingdom

I didn't think this would turn out well because of the pose but I'm happy with how this looks now

[hbdttg]

“Hold the elevator!”

The elevator doors are mere inches from closing, but Steve dutifully shoots a hand out to stop them. They slide back open, revealing a flustered-looking man about Steve’s age on the other side.

He’s dressed head to toe in black, decked out in a simple black pullover with a modest V-neck, snug black jeans, and all-black leather Chucks with a messenger bag slung across his chest. The messenger bag is, unsurprisingly, also black, but covered in a collection of tough-looking patches and pins in varying shades of—well, it’s mostly red, dark red, white, and some yellows, but the pops of color still stand out against his otherwise monochrome ensemble.

His dark, curly hair reaches a little past his shoulders and he’s got this frankly outdated fringe that, despite its very 80’s vibe, frames his face perfectly. His eyes are large and expressive, and he’s got this frantic energy about him that reminds Steve of a live wire. He’s nothing like the buttoned-up suits Steve usually shares his elevator rides with each morning, and it’s a refreshing change of pace.

The man gives Steve a thankful look before stepping into the elevator and leaning against the side wall. “Thanks,” he says, a little distractedly. He’s got a pair big of headphones on and Steve realizes he’s in the middle of a phone call when he adds, “No, not you, Gare, I was thanking the guy who held the elevator for me. Yeah, this building’s crazy. There’s a whole-ass sixtieth floor—guess I’m kind of a big deal now.” He lets out a small, self-deprecating chuckle, reaching for the panel beside him.

As the doors close and the elevator starts to slowly ascend, Steve notices the man pressed the button for the floor above his. Both the fifty-second and fifty-third floor buttons are lit in a halo of green.

“You know I didn’t want to leave you guys,” the man continues, a bit more quietly now that he and Steve are sharing the same small space, “but shit, I couldn’t turn down the pay.” He scoffs. “Ugh, listen to me, just another cog in the capitalist machine. Man, if high school me could see me now. High school Eddie used to talk big about forced conformity and rising up against the man, and now here I am—”

Steve tries not to listen to the one-sided conversation going on beside him, but it’s difficult when a moment later, he hears his own name.

“—clocking in for my first day at fuckin’ Harrington Hargrove Hagan. The pretentious bastards can’t even shorten it to an acronym or something. God forbid they have to miss out on the sound of their own names.”

Steve manages to hold in the obnoxious snort that threatens to escape him. He’s starting to think he might like this guy—Eddie, his mind supplies helpfully—but Eddie’s next words have him freezing in place.

“And it’s nepo baby central. Yeah, pretty sure all the H kiddies are hotshot brokers with the company. All the biggest accounts—gee, I wonder why.”

Steve can feel the back of his neck burning hot with a mixture of annoyance and shame as Eddie cracks a caustic joke about silver spoons and trust funds.

“You’re kidding, one of them works at this branch? Damn, I guess I’ll just keep an eye out for the guy who most looks like he’s got a giant stick up his ass.”

This is quickly becoming the longest elevator ride of Steve’s life. He grits his teeth and stares fixedly at the floor display panel above the elevator doors, watching the numbers climb higher and higher. Thirty-seven. Thirty-eight.

“Listen, I should go, but let’s grab a drink at the Hideout later. Cool, see you then. Bye.”

Forty-one. Forty-two.

Eddie removes his headphones and shoves them into his bag, angling slightly toward Steve. “Sorry about that, man.”

“You’re good,” Steve says shortly, not looking away from the changing numbers. They reach the forty-seventh floor, and all the while, he feels Eddie’s gaze on him.

It’s not like he’s openly staring, but there’s a certain weight to his furtive glances that completely counteracts his attempts at subtlety. It’s the type of gaze Steve’s familiar with, one that he’s been on the receiving end of since his sophomore year of high school when he hit a growth spurt and actually learned how to style his hair. Assessing. Appreciative. Interested.

And in any other situation, Steve would gladly engage. He’d turn on the charm, quirk the corner of his lip up in that way Robin always rolls her eyes at but reluctantly acknowledges as ‘passably effective’, and maybe even make up an excuse to sidle a bit closer.

But he’s not giving this guy his A-game.

Instead, Steve waits in stifling silence until the fifty-second floor is announced and the doors slide open. He steps forward to exit, but at the very last moment stops in the doorway.

He initially wasn’t going to say anything—though, a past version of himself would have definitely spat something biting and bitchy to Eddie about his snark, would have snootily told him to take his little assumptions and shove them where the sun don’t shine—but sooner or later Eddie’s going to realize he and Steve are colleagues, and he’s going to remember shit-talking him in an elevator on his first day of work, and it’s going to be awkward and uncomfortable.

Steve’s just speeding up the timeline, pushing for the sooner rather than the later, when he decides to spin around and fully face Eddie.

“I think you pressed the wrong button,” he says, all sweet and helpful like he’s talking to Dustin’s mom over a sink full of soapy dishes. “Couldn’t help but overhear that you work at Harrington Hargrove Hagan. It’s on the fifty-second floor, not the fifty-third.” Then he takes a small step backward, moving out into the carpeted hallway.

“Oh.” Eddie scrambles for his phone, unlocking it and scrolling quickly until he finds something that has him straightening up and smiling gratefully at Steve. “I guess I remembered it wrong. Thank you.” He pushes away from the wall, takes a step forward to follow Steve out, but then stops dead in his tracks.

Steve gleefully notes the line of Eddie’s gaze, how it lingers at the breast pocket of his shirt, where, clipped to a retractable badge reel, his building keycard hangs. Eddie evidently hadn’t noticed it during the elevator ride up, but he’s certainly fixated on it now.

Perhaps on the abstract yet easily recognizable Harrington Hargrove Hagan logo in the top right corner.

But more likely, based on the positively mortified look growing on Eddie’s face, on the name clearly printed underneath Steve’s photo in bold, black lettering: STEVE HARRINGTON.

Slowly, Eddie drags his eyes back up to Steve’s face. He stares in silence, eyes bugging nearly out of his head, face turning a concerning shade of pink, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, and his reaction is extreme enough that a small part of Steve is almost inclined to take pity on the guy and laugh it all off.

Unfortunately for Eddie, a bigger part of Steve thinks Eddie looks kind of cute all red-faced and embarrassed like this. So he glances down at himself thoughtfully before turning his attention back on Eddie. “Wow,” he says with exaggerated astonishment, “now that you mention it, I guess I do look like I’ve got a giant stick up my ass.”

As if on cue, the elevator chimes in warning. The doors begin to close, but Eddie just remains rooted in place with that same wide-eyed, horrified expression.

When it becomes clear he has no intentions of actually exiting the elevator, Steve chuckles and wiggles his fingers in a cheeky little wave. “Welcome to the team,” he says airily, before Eddie’s still-blushing face disappears behind the elevator doors.

/ Now with a Part 2!

[meanbossart]

i know this is a bit of a stupid question, but i was wondering how you go about adding the lighting to your pieces? like when you have a warmly lit tavern room scene, or a moonlit scene, and you have that lovely warm red or orange or yellow or cool blue lighting hitting the characters from one side? i've always wanted to learn how to do that but no amount of experimenting has ever yielded decent results

If you mean what layer modes I use, It's usually Add Glow with a dark version of the color I'm trying to emulate. Occasionally I also use overlay with whatever shade gives me the desired effect. I've been trying to be more experimental and less formulaic with my BG3 art (a habit I had developed from comic-making) so I don't do the exact same thing 100% of the time!

If you mean placement, then that's something you need to get the hang of through practice. If you have any 3D software that lets you play with light sources, that's a good place to start.

CSP has pretty easy-to-use tools to do just that, so you can get a feel for how rimlights would appear on a body if you have a difficult time visualizing it, and then eventually take your own liberties to achieve contrast and the right amount of drama without feeling obligated to stick to what's realistic (When it comes to light, realism always comes second to effectiveness for me).

If you don't use CSP, googling "rimlight reference" or any combo of similar words should wield you some decent material to work with too!

[neptuneiris]

cardigan (02/03)

tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy.

pairing: modern!aemond × best friend reader!

summary: being in love with your best friend since high school becomes a strong and unavoidable feeling. until it starts to become more difficult when you get to college and the two of you, especially him, meet new people.

word count: 8.4k

previous part • next part • series masterlist

As you're looking down at yourself, making sure there's nothing out of place, you just hear the loud sound of Sara inhaling deeply which makes you startle and you watch her quickly in panic.

hello! i just want to say that i can't believe how much you guys loved the first part. the story just exploded hehe. I'm so grateful for that, for your support and your opinions, I didn't think it would happen so soon, thank you very much.

i wanted to give you part two after such a quick acknowledgement and support, truly thank you so much and also let me know what you think of this second part please, i love reading and responding to you. enjoy!

"You like this one?"

"What?"

"No fucking way, Y/N! You look amazing!"

And at that moment you can feel the color come back to your face and you calm down.

"Come here!" she asks you excitedly, "I want to take a closer look."

You stand in front of her and turn on your own axis to get a better look at yourself in the large full-length mirror, instantly liking what you see.

Last year your dress for the Targaryen ball was red. And you don't usually repeat colors. So now you've chosen a deep ocean blue dress.

Which is Aemond's favorite color.

"This is the one, definitely."

"Really?" you put your hair behind your shoulders, watching you carefully, "Is this one better than the last one?"

"In my opinion the style is better."

You've tried on dresses of the same color in different styles before and honestly… you liked this one better than the others.

It's a long dress open at an angle exposing your left leg. It has no neckline, is strapless and shimmers in a metallic shade beautifully.

This is it.

You think definitely more convinced than ever as you look in the mirror after a few more inspections. You'll shine brighter with your hair and makeup done, you know it and you know you'll look beautiful. That's why you can't wait for the day to come.

You can't wait for Aemond to see you.

"And why did you choose this color?"

"Because it's Aemond's favorite color and it will match his sapphire."

"Oh yes," says Sara in a reminiscent tone, "I had forgotten that detail about your best friend."

"His sapphire eye?"

"Yes."

"But if that's precisely why everyone at the university knows him."

"They also know him for his hair and for apparently having come from the very palace of the Greek gods, don't forget," she says, also amused.

You let out a small laugh.

"Yeah, it's true."

After a little silence between the two of them where they inspect the dress, Sara stirs a little and seems to fight against herself to say what she wants to say. Until she grimaces and nerves invade her as she speaks.

"Listen Y/N…" she says cautiously, "It's not that I want to be nosy or anything, in fact I don't like to know people's things about things like…" she bites the inside of her cheek "That seem very delicate" she says finally "And it's that I'm very curious, I—

"You're a gossip, Sara," you remind him in an amused tone, interrupting her.

"Well… yeah, it's true, who am I kidding," she nods in acknowledgment, shrugging her shoulders and you laugh.

"You want to know what happened to Aemond's eye?"

"Yes," she murmurs, almost embarrassed, "But it's just out of curiosity and if it's something very personal then I understand."

You take a long breath and look away from the mirror to observe her.

"Yes, it's very personal," you tell her, "I can only tell you that it was a horrible accident that happened to him as a kid. He still finds it a little difficult to talk about it, even with his mother and sister."

"Yes, of course," Sara nods sympathetically, "In fact something like that I had imagined."

You nod too, sympathetically, thinking about it.

"At first, when I met Aemond in high school and we started our friendship, he didn't want to tell me," you confess, "It's not as if I insisted on the matter, of course not... but he knew I was curious about it. And it wasn't until after he was sure that I wasn't a fake friend, as I was with him, that we both confided a lot of things to each other until he told me about his accident."

"How old was he?" she ask attentively and curiously.

"Barely ten."

Sara raises her eyebrows in surprise with a face of pity.

"Ten?" she repeats in a murmur, "Wow. I can't even imagine. It must have been pretty awful, huh?"

"It was," you assure her.

You know Aemond has only told about what happened to you and a guy who was his best friend in high school, who now that guy got into another college in another state.

And what happened was that Aemond defended his little nephew, Luke, from some boys who were picking on him and wanting to almost beat him up at school.

But the blows went to Aemond who had to defend himself as best he could against four boys even a little bigger than he was at the time.

Then one of the boys did not measure his strength, hit him and pushed him too, and because of the push Aemond fell on top of a net of wires that made up a small garden in the huge backyard of the school.

They didn't even let him get up, so Aemond also hurt some parts of his body.

And out of desperation, before he could try to do anything, another one of the boys hit him in the face and that's when a piece of wire ripped his eye as he turned his head towards the wires from the blow.

When Aemond was telling you everything, you didn't even know what to say.

And the best punishment the bully boys could have received was to have been expelled. But it wasn't enough for Aemond and his family. They had taken his eye and that was 'justice'.

Luckily his whole family supported him and was there for him through the whole difficult process of doctors appointments, therapies, medications and so on.

His uncle Daemon especially made sure he received the best possible treatment with the best doctors and nurses while his older sister, Rhaenyra, searched for solutions to his lost eye along with his mother.

"And why does he have that sapphire? Didn't he think about a prosthesis or something like that?"

"As a kid, all he wanted was to recover and cope with the physical and emotional pain, and also to get used to his only right sight," you explain, "And then he told me he was thinking about it, but it's been a long time. Maybe he has already got used to the sapphire."

"And it doesn't hurt him?" asks Sara curiously, thoughtfully.

"No, he always has his appointments with the ophthalmologist," you let her know, "I guess the sapphire is to maintain an appearance. Kind of like what rich people do."

"Oh, of course," Sara nods with more understanding, "It makes perfect sense vonsidering how exaggeratedly rich he and his family are."

You let out a small laugh, turning to look at yourself in the mirror at the beautiful dress.

"Yes, they are," you murmur, "Are you sure your aunt will let me pay her weekly?" you ask, looking at her again a little worried.

"I already told you yes, Y/N. Stop worrying," she says amused.

"But she already knows?" you ask distrustful.

"Yes, she knows," she assures you for the eighth time, "She just said that by the time you decide to stop paying for it for one reason or another, there is no refund and you have to return the dress. And if you tear it, stain it or something, you pay extra."

"Oh, I'm not worried about that," you make a nonchalant gesture, "I'm definitely going to finish paying for it."

You think about how the dress is so beautiful that it doesn't deserve to be worn for just one occasion. You can wear it to another event, not necessarily just the ball.

And after you've picked out the last dress, you both leave the dressing room, secure everything for payment, and Sara takes you home and you both say goodbye saying you will see each other tomorrow in class.

When you arrive at the apartment, only Vhagar greets you, to which you assume that Aemond must still be in class or with his girlfriend.

So you decide to take Vhagar with you to your room to do some homework and wait for Aemond to arrive to have dinner together.

And by the time you finally hear his arrival at the apartment, you take Vhagar in your arms and leave your room to ask him how his day was and what he wants for dinner tonight to see if it matches what you want.

But the words get stuck in your throat the moment you see him and your eyes meet his, watching him in shock, definitely not expecting this.

And at your reaction of saying nothing and continuing to stare at him in disbelief, he lets out a small laugh as he runs a hand through his neck and hair.

"What do you think?"

And that's when you seem to remember how to talk.

"No way," you mutter, "Are you fucking kidding?"

"As I understand it, your head can't grow, Y/N. At least not at this age," he tells you amused.

"Shit," you say still in disbelief, "It looks fucking amazing, Aemond!" you finally react with a huge smile.

He has cut his hair.

His fucking long hair is now short and he looks so ridiculously good, like it's not an everyday thing, as well as he looks even better than before and even... sexy.

And in an instant you're all over him, running your fingers through now his short, silky, still straight hair with some waves at the ends that now point slightly upwards.

Even his face, his figure, his sapphire, everything about him looks better than before just because of a haircut.

"Why didn't you tell me?" you ask, still surprised and puzzled, with a small smile.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," he says with a smile, "What do you say, do you really like it?"

"I love it," you confess, "Even you, everything about you—

You stop, not wanting to look nervous, not wanting to insinuate your true feelings for him through his new appearance.

That's why you think very well what you will say before you speak, controlling yourself not to say anything too much.

"Well... it looks better," you finally say.

"Thank you, pretty one."

He smiles at you and you melt at the sight of his expression, simply because of the gesture accompanied by his new cut, so you couldn't be more ridiculous, but you can't help it either.

You find it so attractive and so striking the way you watch his dimples form and look, even they so damn good, again, because of his new haircut.

"I hope Alys likes it too."

You bite your lips, not wanting to focus on his comment at the mention of his girlfriend.

"And why did you decide to cut it?" you ask not to talk about her, acting nonchalant but still feeling surprised.

"I thought it would be a good idea to cut it for the ball," he confesses, "It's this weekend and I thought I'd do it now because I knew I wouldn't do it later."

You both laugh, as that is very Aemond Targaryen and you both know it.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," you say with a small smile, "I've got everything ready for the ball too."

"Oh really?" he raises his eyebrows, interested, "Now what color dress did you choose?"

"Nope. No details."

You turn away from him in an instant and head to the fridge to finally make dinner, because you know if he keeps looking at you and talking like that, you'll end up showing him everything.

"Oh come on, Y/N."

"I'm so sorry but you'll have to wait for the day."

"Are you serious?" he asks you.

"Even your new haircut isn't going to convince me."

"Hmm."

He certainly says with a disappointed tone and you let out a laugh.

"Be patient, Aemond. Now..." You look at him, "What do you want for dinner?"

You and Aemond talk about what his mother has told him she has planned this time for the ball with his sister Rhaenyra while you prepare dinner and listen to him at the same time. And when everything is ready, you both watch a movie in the living room.

And the next morning, Aemond Targaryen with his new haircut is all you hear about even among all the girls in your apartment. Even something as simple as a haircut drives them all crazy. Even you.

But that it's already a real topic of conversation is amazing.

And the next few days are really stressful for you, also for Aemond, as you have to push your respective careers forward with homework and projects.

In fact the week is so busy that you barely have time for breakfast in the morning as you have to rush to the university. Aemond also told you that he was very busy with the same thing.

But it's worth it.

You tell yourself even in every break that you actually make use of to continue doing more homework.

And for you there is no better motivation than knowing that by the time the week is over, you will finally be free and the ball will be a great way to finally relax and have fun with your best friend.

And you honestly can't wait.

However, you were not prepared to hear what Aemond says to you the day before the ball when you arrive at the apartment and he is already there, apparently waiting for your arrival.

And you knew it wouldn't be good what he would say to you the moment you see the sadness, worry and sorrow in his eyes as he watches you.

"My family wants to meet Alys."

He tells you and then says nothing for a few more seconds, looking away from you, running a hand through his hair, frustrated, to which you already know what he will probably tell you.

"And I couldn't think of any better occasion than to take her with me to the ball so everyone can meet her."

And her words stab like a dagger into your heart, shattering it into little pieces.

And he speaks to you so softly, so carefully and so sorrowfully at the same time while you want to believe it's a damn joke and he's really not doing this to you.

"I'm so sorry, my pretty one," he looks at you with all the anguish in his eyes for your reaction, worried, "Could you do me this favor, just this once, please?"

Do him the favor?

You repeat in your mind, just watching him without really having any expression in your look, because you don't want to make him see that he has broken you with this news and this suddenly change of plans.

And his next words only make you feel worse for your lack of response, with him wanting to make the situation better, as if it were possible.

"You could still come, you know. I'll be with Alys, but Helaena or Aegon can keep you company and eventually I'll try to be around you as well."

"I'm not taking Alys."

He had said.

"This ball belongs to both of us, it always has. And I'm not going to break the tradition."

He had promised you.

And you say to yourself: he is asking you this as a favor. It's just a ball and it's only fair that his escort should be his girlfriend. Don't bother, you shouldn't bother.

"I know you had everything ready and I know I shouldn't be telling you this a day early."

He continues saying to you with sorrow, and then he goes to you in a desperate action and takes your hands in his.

"But I promise you that I will make it up to you, I will—

Unable to stand it any longer, you take your hands from his, which makes him stop and look at you instantly, a little surprised and worried by your reaction.

And you again... you act unconcerned and like it's no big deal.

Mostly because you no longer want to keep listening to his promises that are worthless in the end, you also don't want to be around him right now and also because you want to end the matter once and for all.

"Okay, I understand."

You tell him with the best look you can put at that moment, really trying to pretend that everything is fine, almost convincing him, almost.

"Don't worry."

And without waiting for anything else, because you really want to get away from him, feeling that if he tells you something else you're really going to burst into tears right then and there, you walk past him and head to your room.

But he doesn't let you go so easily.

"Y/N..." He holds you by the shoulders, looking at you worriedly, "Talk to me, please."

You let out a small laugh, the fakest laugh you've ever let out, trying with all your might to make it okay.

"What do you want me to say? I told you it's okay."

Again you try to pass by him but he again stops you. And you let him.

You let him because you don't want him to see you bad, broken. You let him because if you get upset, if you let him see that he has broken you, you fear he will realize your true feelings.

And you don't want that now that he has a girlfriend and looks happy with her. So happy that she even managed to change his mind about taking her to the ball even though he told you he wouldn't because that ball belonged to the two of you.

And you don't want to ruin that for him if that's what he wants, you also don't want to make a big deal about the change of plans. You want to make him see that you're okay with it.

Again...you don't want to look sad and broken in front of him.

"I know you, Y/N," he says to you in a sad, apologetic soft voice, "I know you're not okay with me wanting to take her now because I told you I wouldn't, that this ball belongs to both of us," he lets out a long breath, "But I—

"I'm perfectly fine with it, Aemond," you interrupt him with the most nonchalant and fake look possible, "I mean... she's your girlfriend and it's only fair that you take her, right?"

And your words don't know why they make her feel worse when that's just what she needed from you: understanding.

But somehow it feels a hell of a lot worse that you're understanding him after he knows he promised you he wouldn't take her and you'd both go together.

"But you—

"Look... actually this is good," you lie, "Now I have a lot of homework to finish and also a big project due on monday. The weekend will help me to get everything done and delivered on time."

That's what you assure him even though this whole week you had worn yourself out getting everything ahead of schedule for next week so you could go to the ball and have fun without any more worries.

"Are you..." He looks at you suspiciously, "Are you sure?"

"Very," you say, putting on a small fake smile, "Now I just want to rest before I do everything."

He watches you for a few seconds with the softest and gentlest expression possible, still a little worried, while you watch him firmly back to show him that it's okay.

Even though it hurts like hell all this is happening.

"Well," he murmurs, looking away from you, nodding slightly, "Would you like me to make some dinner for the two of us? I can...

"No thanks," you cut him off, "I want to sleep, that's all."

And finally, carrying all your dignity with you, you head to your room, pretending that everything is fine and that you are fine.

But as you close the door to your room behind you, that's when all the appearance finally goes away and you allow yourself to really feel the way you feel.

And it makes it worse to see the beautiful dress on your bed, looking so spectacular, so ready to be worn, when you will no longer need it for the main occasion you decided to buy it and wanted to wear it for so badly.

Looking at it with longing and sadness, the first tears fall down your cheeks and you avoid letting out a sob as you bite your lips.

You would have preferred that Aemond told you about taking his girlfriend that day when you went to get the dress and then he came home with his new haircut. It would have been more preferable to telling you the day before the ball.

Either way, though, you know it would have destroyed you, just the same way you feel destroyed now.

That's why the next morning, you don't even leave your room. You don't want to and can't see Aemond knowing that today is the day it was supposed to be the two of you.

So you only leave your room when you make sure Aemond is in his room to grab something from the fridge and get back to your cave as quickly as possible.

Until the time of the ball gets closer and closer and you make sure your desk is full of sheets of your previous projects, pretending to be busy as you had told Aemond you would be.

Even his sister, Helaena, sends you an excited message asking if you will come tonight and with all the pain in your heart, you reply that you will not be able to come as you are too busy with homework and projects.

When Aemond knocks on your bedroom door and calls you from the other side. You quickly go to your desk, pretend to be busy with the sheets, tell him to come in and he does.

"I'm leaving now, pretty one."

"Okay, have fun," you say in the best possible tone, without looking at him.

You really don't want to look at him.

"I will probably come here to sleep, I don't think I'll stay anywhere else, just to let you know," he says in a soft and cautious tone, still a little worried about yesterday.

"Yeah, that's fine."

A few seconds of silence and then you hear him let out a sigh.

"Are you sure you don't want to come? You know Helaena and my brothers will be there. I can wait for you to leave."

You bite the inside of your cheek, annoyed that he's suggesting this again, when you shouldn't be.

You know he means well, but it bothers you, it hurts you. How does he think you'll want to go to the ball after changing your plans?

"I have a lot to do," you answer briefly.

And again you hear another one of his sighs.

"Okay," he murmurs.

But he doesn't leave immediately, you hear how he is still at your door and you feel his penetrating gaze, as if he is asking you for forgiveness, but you don't even look at him.

You can't and you don't want to.

You think that if he tries to talk about it again, you'll tell him how busy you are so he won't do it.

But fortunately you only hear him let out a long breath and finally close the door to your room. And the next thing you hear are his footsteps and then the apartment door opening and closing.

The next few days after what happened between you and Aemond at the ball are again like you didn't want them to be.

But it seems that the ball was an important point that broke between you and Aemond and again he and you don't spend time together anymore. It's only in the mornings when you both see each other for breakfast, but there isn't even a conversation for the time being.

There are no more movie weekends, no more going to a restaurant for breakfast on some weekends, and no more going to the grocery store together.

However, the agreement remains that he takes care of everything financially and you take care of the food, laundry and cleaning.

Still, it's as if you live alone.

Suddenly Aemond stopped coming to the apartment less and less, as well as he has stopped sleeping here constantly anymore.

Sometimes there are not even any more of his clothes to wash, mostly because they are still clean or because he takes them away or has left them somewhere else, with Alys obviously.

All the food is finished by you since he barely eats breakfast or dinner here. And the few times you've gotten to talk, there's been no mention of the ball at all.

And you can tell, as he also shows, that he seems to be very busy with his classes and also with his girlfriend.

He still pay for the electricity, water and everything you need, you know he does, but he's not even here. Now it's like you totally take care of Vhagar, which you don't complain about, but she's supposed to be his dog because you gave her to him.

And even though things are tense between you, you still can't help but feel sad and lonely every time you realize that he didn't even get to sleep and on weekends you're all alone.

Whenever you text him asking where he is or why he didn't get to sleep, he always replies the same thing: Alys. He apologizes for not telling you but still never tells you.

Now you sleep in the apartment all alone, with only Vhagar's company every day. And even though it hurt you a lot about the ball, you still miss your best friend very much.

You missed him the most especially when a nasty storm hit King's Landing at night and lasted all morning until six o'clock.

You hate storms and Aemond also knows that you are afraid of them.

That night you couldn't sleep at all, you were curled up hiding under your sheets, hugging Vhagar as your only comfort, hoping that everything would pass soon.

The next morning you couldn't go to class due to lack of sleep and Aemond didn't even show up at the apartment.

Until one night, saturday at one o'clock in the morning, you heard the sound of the door and his footsteps in the living room and kitchen.

And ready to talk to him about how you've been feeling these past few days, as well as the fact that you practically live here alone, you head out of your room.

But you stop just as you open a crack in your door when you hear and realize that he is not alone.

"We should have arrived at my house, Aemond."

"We talked about this, Alys."

"But she's always here. I don't understand why she never goes out with friends or anything."

"I told you she's not that type."

You could have closed the door and gone to sleep with the idea of talking about what you had in mind with him another day, but you stay still when you hear that they are talking about you.

And what Alys says next only makes you stand stiller and listen more attentively.

"Oh my love... Are you still worried about her?"

You sharpen your ear more, attentive and confused.

Worried about me?

You repeat in your mind not understanding, willing to listen more, even though you shouldn't but still you do.

"I'm not worried. I'm just thinking about her."

"You are worried, Aemond," Alys repeats in affirmation and in a serious tone, "What I don't understand is why if the ball was two weeks ago."

"I know," you hear him mutter, "But still, you should have seen her face... she already had everything ready and I told her a day before that I wouldn't take her with me."

"But she told you it was okay, didn't she?"

"Yeah, but..." sigh, "In a way it felt much worse that she understood."

Alys lets out a snort.

"Of course she must have understood, my love," she says obviously, "I'm your girlfriend, not her."

You press your lips together, thinking that it didn't even cross your mind that he was still thinking about the ball when he doesn't even see you and isn't even here.

You don't fully understand but you do have an idea that after the ball, maybe he needed to distance himself from you and that's why you haven't seen each other anymore and he doesn't come to the apartment.

Maybe he felt really bad about himself for killing your illusion of going to the ball together, like every year.

But if he feels so bad, then why did he do it?

You ask yourself with some bitterness.

Apparently Alys was more convincing to him and it's okay, she's his girlfriend, but he's just feeling bad after it's all over.

"You care a lot about her and it's ridiculous, Aemond. As ridiculous as it is that she lives here and doesn't give you a single penny."

And then again her words catch your attention more than ever and you continue listening attentively, with your face falling because of her words.

"Alys..." he calls out to her in a tired tone, "I already explained that to you."

"But even so," she insists with an absurd tone, "Won't she be ashamed? She's your best friend and she doesn't even think about helping you a little?"

"She does help me and you know it."

"I mean financially."

"Her parents send her what money they can for college. She buys food and also buys what she needs for her classes and other necessities."

"Oh, so not only she doesn't help you with money, but also her parents?"

"Alys–

"Hasn't she even thought about getting a job?"

"Yes, but I told her that it wasn't necessary, that she could help me with the domestic and I could help her with the money without charging her anything."

"Are you serious?"

"She's my best friend, Alys. I'm the one who convinced her to live with me because I wanted her to."

"No, Aemond. It wasn't because you wanted to. It was because you pity her."

Your heart skips a beat and you open your lips and listen in surprise, beginning to feel that sharp pain in your chest as it hurts to hear those words.

"No," he says firmly, "It's never been like that."

"Oh please, don't fool yourself," she insists, "Y/N is not like you and me...her family has no money and from what you've told me, she's always been on scholarship in everything."

"Not everyone can have what we have, Alys," he says incredulously, "Besides, why would I care if she has money or not? Other people like us are really distasteful and don't have even a shred of humility, sincerity and trustworthiness like she has."

"I don't see it that way. I think she's so different and you feel so sorry for her that you've made it easy for her by putting her in an apartment like this because you know she and her family don't have the resources."

"That's what you think. But she and I both know that's not true."

He says with a confident tone and yes, it is true.

Alys at this moment made you doubt, a lot, because of the venom he was spitting out every word and for speaking so confidently about how he really feels about you.

But you never felt that Aemond treated you, since their friendship began, with pity.

Never.

"She has always been there for me and never with the intention of taking advantage of me for what I have. Not for nothing is she my best friend and you know how selective I am with my friends."

You hear the long sigh she lets out, to which you must think she has an irritated face.

"Well, if you say so," she says bitterly, "Still, isn't it annoying that she's always here? She doesn't go out to parties, she has no friends but you, and whenever we come here we can't even have the privacy we'd like because she's locked in her room."

"This is her house too."

"She's not a child anymore, Aemond. You should tell her to get a job and an apartment of her own or live in the dorm now. Tell her you want your own space now."

"It's not even a year since we've been living together, Alys."

"So, if I tell you in one more year that we want us to live together, will she live with both of us too?

"Of course not."

He answers instantly in an absurd low tone and again you feel your heart break at his words because of how quickly he answered and in what tone.

And you can't blame him, those are plans with his girlfriend, you have nothing to do there. But you can't help it and it really hurts because you will never be her.

"Look... I admit that I do wish I could have more privacy and also that she would go out to have fun and meet new people... I even want to get here with you and she's not here."

You feel the tears start to form in your eyes, but you bite your lips and control yourself.

"But I can't just tell her that I want to live alone now and give her to understand that I want her to leave. And I really don't want her to leave, not like this," he say honestly, "Not when things are still tense between us," he sighs, "She's my best friend and I love her. I don't want to hurt her anymore. I really want to make things right with her."

And as if everything Aemond had just said wasn't relevant to Alys, she says the following with every intention of it actually happening someday soon.

"What if the two of us go live together somewhere else?"

And the few seconds of silence afterwards on Aemond's part you know is from his confusion.

"Hm?"

"If you don't want to hurt her, fine, let her keep living here so you can feel good about yourself by continuing to help her."

You frown, really hating and feeling annoyed with his girlfriend's words.

"Then we can look for another apartment to live together," she proposes and you feel your heart shrink, "It doesn't have to be now, but later, but really do it, what do you think?"

You don't hear anything again for a few seconds, wanting to hear Aemond's answer while your heart beats hard against your chest.

"Alys–

"Please, baby. I want to live with you. I want to do many things with you."

And in that moment you know it's enough as you hear them start kissing and you finally, carefully, close the door and lie back down on your bed, holding back the tears.

Not wanting to hear anything promising out there, you put on your headphones and try to sleep with this ugly pain in your chest.

You shouldn't have listened to that conversation between the two of them, but you couldn't help it. But after listening to them, staring for a few moments at the ceiling of your room, broken, you make the decision you had thought about before but were not sure about.

And that is that you will fulfill Alys' wish... you are going to look for a job and you are going to ask for a doorm in the residence.

The following days after hearing Aemond's conversation with his girlfriend, continue the same.

Aemond still doesn't show up much at the apartment, the two of you don't talk much, he is always with Alys and you start looking for jobs near the university without success.

When you don't find anything, the days of searching get longer because the ones that are available are far away from your area and others don't apply for you because they ask for experience.

And at the same time you try not to let everything you heard that night affect you by keeping busy with college.

You also try not to let it affect you that Aemond said he wanted to make things right between you but he still doesn't see you and doesn't show up because he's with Alys.

You really don't understand.

That's why you continue to look for a job as it hurts you that you are practically living alone in a big apartment like this when before it wasn't like this and you enjoyed Aemond's company.

Now it's just you and Vhagar.

Then one afternoon when you come home from school and finish feeding Vhagar and start preparing food for yourself, suddenly the door opens and Aemond enters with a soft look, instantly observing you.

"Hello, pretty one."

You try not to look surprised and confused by his arrival, so you just don't let his nickname affect you and smile a little, just a little, in his direction.

"Hi."

He smiles a little more at you as his gaze turns to Vhagar who runs excitedly to greet him.

"Hello to you too my little one," he says tenderly and you see how he takes her in his arms, "I missed you."

You look away from him to continue cooking, not wanting to talk and preferring to ignore him in the same way he seems to ignore you by not showing up or sleeping here anymore, leaving you and Vhagar alone.

You want to know why he has suddenly appeared, but you control yourself from asking. Just as you tell yourself that you don't plan to say anything to him about moving into the dorm until you secure a job.

"What are you cooking?"

You hear him ask you as he approaches you.

"Fillet," you reply briefly.

"Do you mind if I ask you to cook one for me?" He asks with some care.

"No," you answer simply.

You really don't want to be rude to him, after all, this is your agreement, so you cook a fillet for him, waiting to serve everything.

"Do you have something to do today?"

He asks you suddenly and you continue cooking, without looking at him.

"Homework," you answer, "Why?"

"Ah... some classmates are coming to prepare an presentation we have tomorrow," he lets you know and you finally turn to look at him, "I hope you don't mind."

"No, it's fine," you assure him, turning your back on him again, "I'll be in my room, you know."

"Of course."

Quiet.

You continue cooking and he seems to be waiting for his food, so you don't say anything, mostly because you don't have anything to say.

You feel his gaze on you at almost all times, which you deliberately ignore, trying not to make a big deal of it.

When you start serving and finally turn your face to him to place the plates and also the glasses, feeling more firmly his gaze on you.

"Y/N...

And as soon as he says your name you knew he wasn't watching you silently for nothing, but because he was fighting himself to talk to you about something that had him in doubt.

"I know I haven't been around much..." he starts to say and you avoid letting out a sigh of irritation, "And I also know that I've left you alone with Vhagar—

"Yes, I know," you interrupt him in a nonchalant tone, "And that's okay, you have things to do and honestly so do I, believe it or not," you say quickly and then open the refrigerator, "Do you want soda or juice?"

Your clear disinterest for not wanting to talk about it makes Aemond stop talking and watch you in silence, feeling a little guilty for your attitude.

But you continue to watch him expectantly for an answer and he gives it to you after a few seconds of silence.

"Soda."

You nod and start filling the glasses. And at that, Aemond doesn't insist on the matter and simply remains silent, waiting for you to start eating together.

But he can't be like this anymore. He really wants to make things right and that's why he mentions the next:

"Don't think I forgot your birthday."

He says in an attempt to finally calm the tension between the two of you as you turn and hand him the glass and then take a seat in front of him.

"You don't?" you say almost sarcastically, almost.

"Of course not," she assures you, "It's this Friday. Aren't you excited?"

"Not really," you say honestly, "I have a project due that friday that has been causing me a lot of stress. I don't want to get a grade that isn't worth all the effort."

"Oh come on, you always get the best grades," he says with a small smile, "Don't worry, you'll see, everything will be fine."

And the next thing he does is to place his hand on top of yours to give it a gentle squeeze as he always used to do before in situations like these, just like you do with him.

At this, you try not to fall for him and his gestures, so you just nod thanking him with your eyes for his support and start eating, just like him.

"And what are your plans? Tell me," he asks you interested.

"Mmm..." You grimace, "In the morning I don't have much planned, just to talk to my parents," you confess, "After class my friends said they wanted to take me to a restaurant and at night to go out partying but... I'm still not sure about that."

"About what?"

"The party."

He takes a sip of his soda and looks at you confidently.

"Let's go."

"Where to?"

"The party."

"You want to go?" you frown.

"Of course I do," he says with a smile, "I want to celebrate and have fun with you on your birthday."

You raise your eyebrows expectantly at him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, come on, I'll take you," he says more confidently than before, "In fact, since you won't be doing much in the morning, I could buy a cake for both of us, give you your present and I don't know, go out or watch a movie," he proposes, "Just me and you. Then I'll see you in the night and we'll go out and party."

So, for all that confidence in talking, even with that determination and that excitement in talking about making plans together on your birthday... you shouldn't but again you feel that hope come back to you.

That same spark and hope when he told you about the ball and in the end he did the complete opposite of what he promised you.

But this time... they are both talking about your birthday. You know and you know that he knows you're not just talking about anything.

That's why you stop feeling that little bitterness and forget about the conversation you overheard, you also stop considering going to live in the dorm because he just gives you hope.

"What do you say? Do you like the plan?" he observes you with a little excited smile.

And without being able to help it, you also smile softly in his direction, feeling how that emptiness in your chest fills up, leaving you feeling alone and ignored.

So you nod your head, avoiding showing too much of your happiness and illusion.

"Perfect."

And after you both finish eating, before his classmates arrive, you both make yourselves comfortable on the couches and talk about almost everything while Vhagar keeps you company.

And because of this, you feel more of that hope, that companionship that you had needed so much from him and finally everything is okay.

Everything feels okay.

All the following days, both Aemond and you go back to the old routine where you don't see each other as much and don't talk much.

But at least there is that feeling that between you everything is already fine and there are plans in place for the weekend that you couldn't be more excited and anxious about.

You've already planned everything with your friends as well, so it's sure to be a perfect day.

Until finally friday arrives and you expect to wake up to Aemond making a big fuss with that happy birthday children's song.

However, it doesn't.

You wake up to a chill in your room and also in the whole apartment when you realize that Aemond is not here. You check to see if he has left you a note or a text but nothing.

Instantly you think to yourself that he must be getting that cake he promised you, so you take a shower and get ready for the day.

Then you get congratulations from your friends and other family members. You even talk to your parents who are in your little town, Stone Hedge, in the Riverlands, working hard to support your studies.

And then when you finish getting ready, Aemond still doesn't show up, so you call him but he doesn't answer, you also send him messages but nothing.

[You]: I'll be waiting for you until 12PM. I have my class at 1PM.

And you send the message, wishing and hoping he'll be here soon.

Until the hours go by, he still doesn't answer, doesn't even return your calls, doesn't tell you anything and there definitely comes a time when you can't wait for him anymore.

And you control yourself. You don't want to think anything bad. You tell yourself that maybe something important came up at school.

So you stay positive, tell yourself that he will explain when you see him tonight, and leave the apartment to go to the university.

The moment you walk into your classroom, your friends greet you with big hugs, flowers and helium balloons wishing you happy birthday, which definitely lifts your mood.

And even more so when you turn in the most stressful project you've done so far in your entire career and with all the happiness and excitement in the world you see how you get graded with an A+.

And your friends are quick to say that it's all the more reason to celebrate tonight.

When the class is over, along with Aileen, Sara, Ryan and Ryan's friend James, you head to the restaurant they told you they wanted to take you to.

There they all order a bottle of wine and toast to your birthday and also to their good grades in this final project they handed in. Even the restaurant's employees bring you a small cake and together they sing happy birthday to you, feeling very nice.

Although unconsciously, you keep thinking about Aemond.

From time to time you check your phone to see if there are any answers from him yet, but nothing. So you really try not to think about him too much and fortunately, with the help of your friends, you succeed.

Until it starts to get dark and everyone says they should get ready to go to one of the many fraternity parties.

Ryan takes you with James to your house and expecting to see Aemond at the apartment, you arrive and no one is there except Vhagar.

You let out a long breath and call him one more time but nothing, so not to be late you get ready for the party.

You're hopeful that Aemond will eventually arrive, but even when you finish getting ready, nothing. And you know he won't show up or he would have already.

But there is still a little hope.

You think, confident and positive, because it is your birthday.

You ask Sara to pick you up and soon you are both arriving at the party where you meet your other friends who have also brought friends.

"What about your best friend, is he coming?"

Aileen asks you over the music and you, still wanting to feel confident, nod.

"Yeah, he might be a little late."

She nods and takes you to the kitchen to play with the other party games before everything here becomes a mess with so many people and louder music.

And you get distracted for a moment as you start to play and have some fun with the games.

You realize that you're actually having a great time despite Aemond's absence, but you still want to see him since it's your birthday.

That's why after a few hours have passed, the party is getting more crowded and everyone is starting to drink more, you check your phone and there's still nothing from him.

You turn away from everyone for a moment to call him but he doesn't answer. You look at the time and realize that it will be eleven o'clock at night and feeling a little worried now, you send him more messages.

[You]: where are you?

[You]: i have been trying to talk to you all day.

[You]: will you at least come to the party?

Nothing.

You let out a long, disappointed breath, yet you tell yourself that he couldn't have forgotten about your birthday, he just didn't.

He made the plans, he promised you a fun day, he said you two would be together.

But then... where is he?

As you walk back to the house, across the entire backyard, you finally feel your phone vibrate several times and you stop to turn the screen back on again, hopeful.

However... you wish you had not.

[aem❣]: sorry for not responding, I was busy all day with alys and we just finished having dinner with her parents.

[aem❣]: party?

And that's all he tells you.

So surprised and incredulous, somehow already expecting it since he didn't show up in the morning you think it can't be.

You can't really believe it and you wish you were so wrong but... it's the truth.

He forgot your birthday.

Your best friend really has forgotten your fucking birthday.

He doesn't tell you anymore, he doesn't say happy birthday, he doesn't apologize for his absence on your birthday, he just doesn't tell you anything.

He just asks you that, with that question being reason enough to give you to understand that he has forgotten the whole plan and your birthday.

And you don't cry.

You really don't want to cry. He doesn't deserve it.

So you avoid breaking down at that moment and just put your phone on silent to put it in your little bag, holding back the tears and enduring this huge sharp pain in your chest.

When that's when you decide you've had enough.

It's still eleven o'clock, you have one more hour to enjoy your birthday, then you'll have fun for the rest of the party and tomorrow you'll have time to feel bad about what your so-called best friend has done to you.

But this is not going to ruin what's left of your birthday.

So you suppress everything, mentally prepare yourself and go back to the party more confident and determined than ever to have fun with your friends who are here.

And that's what you do.

But after this, enough will definitely be enough.

taglist:

@hey-lucille @queenofshinigamis @winxschester @xcinnamonmalfoyx @ladymarg0t @yazzzmints @namoreno @wintrr13 @fan-goddess

[strwberrytae]

Beyond Desire | 05

→ pairing: taehyung x reader → rating: 18+ only - m for mature - sexual and graphic content → genre: drama / romance → words: 9.9k → disclaimer/trigger warning: this is a piece of fiction based off of the fifty shades of grey series. this is not a parody. there are mentions of strong dominant and submissive lifestyles based on research and personal experience. there are also various psychological issues that are addressed throughout the series; including anxiety, self-destruction, blood, bruises, panic attacks, childhood abuse, non-consensual sexual acts and self-harm. this is a work of fiction and not to be taken as a promotion of the series, fifty shades of grey. this is an original piece of work. edit is created by me. enjoy! feedback is greatly appreciated.

→ a/n: thank you everyone for their patience! so much! I started this series years ago with the intent to continue it. life and lack of motivation got in the way, but it's made it's way back into fruition! this was frantically edited multiple times, though there still may be some errors. I hope you enjoy!

→ chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 [series in progress - must read previous chapters]

→ summary: it’s never easy falling for your best friend when you have so much history. it’s especially difficult when you both share the same sexual desires and lifestyle. taehyung is a dominant CEO of a well known company in Seoul and you are an up and coming editor. while both of you come from a troubled and dark past, you lean on each other for support and comfort. what happens as your feelings blossom and grow over the years? what happens when you fear Taehyung may be falling in love with someone else? will you confess your feelings or remain in the shadows?

The next morning, Joon Jae awoke at 6am as you realized he did every morning for work. You laid in his bed, so tired but awake. Your restless mind forbade you to sleep peacefully throughout the night. It was unclear how you felt, truly. Such an interesting feeling. 

All you knew is that you were stuck with the familiar dread of emptiness that you had experienced many times before. It felt as if you became a vessel overnight yet again whenever you've done this; letting men completely take over and dominate you in ways against your wishes as if it's perfectly normal. Not to say that’s what the BDSM lifestyle entails. In the past, you’ve had a bad run of Doms who didn’t truly grasp the concept of consent. Men who think they're dominant, on the contrary, they're just abusers. Looks like Joon Jae is just another one. The only thing to do now is play along until you figure out how to escape this - safely.

Joon Jae emerged from the bathroom, rubbing his damp, onyx hair with a towel and a satisfied smile on his face. 

“Morning gorgeous,” he greeted with his award winning smile. The term of endearment felt everything but. The word curdling in your ears. Turning over to face him, you put on a face as well as you always could; as if you hadn’t been utterly violated by this man the night before. 

“Good morning, sir,” you purred sleepily. The bitterness coated your tongue as the words came out. Whether or  not he caught on was not clear - most of them didn’t. As Joon Jae walked over to his black wooden dresser, you continued to lay on your side. Something caught your interest in the corner of your eye. Your gaze fell to your wrists. The handcuffs.

Upon your wrists were bruises from last night; a deep red color fresh in hue. It would certainly darken to purple throughout the day. You began to nibble on your bottom lip as you nervously checked under the blankets for more markings. Peppered on your hips remained fingerprints. They were not markings you were proud of - not like this. Bruises from the right person made you feel empowered, cherished. This was abuse of power - hatred. Your loathing for them grew rapidly; even though they've only just became a part of you.

“Why are you so quiet? Did I wear you out that much?” Nonchalantly, you place the cover back down as if you were only fixing it. Turning your head to face Joon Jae, he pulled on his boxers with an idiotic smirk on his face. His form was still beautiful, yet you were so disgusted by him now. Your eyes couldn’t help but to wander over his body; inspecting him. There was nothing - not a bruise or scratch. Here you lay in his bed completely marked and emotionally wounded by him and he gets to go to work without having to hide a single thing. Typical.

Letting out a big sigh, you sat up in the bed; making sure to cover your body with his gray silk sheets. Ever so slowly do you run your fingers through your hair and gracefully lick your lips to look as innocently seductive as possible. It was time to put on a show, and you were used to this performance. A sly smirk stretched on your face as your eyes became softer. After all, you still have some dignity left. That is something he can’t rob from you.

“And here I thought a little mystery to a woman was appealing. Does my silence bother you, sir?” Your voice slithered with seduction; hoping your little innuendo granted you his kindness with your performance. Joon Jae was a man after all, and you knew how to handle his type - call him Sir, Master. Obey, say please, submit. No matter what, or else. This was a man that got off feeling like he was the greatest thing on this Earth. A man who loved knowing that his submissive was actually afraid of him, displeasing him. To you? He’s the most disgusting person you have ever met. 

The dark haired man sauntered over to you, grabbing hold of your chin with his index finger and thumb. A soft yet firm gesture to make you look up at him without protest, yet it felt so putrid.

“Was that sarcasm in your voice that you heard,” he questioned in a quiet tone. And there it is. His lips were barely moving as he spoke; an indication telling you that he didn’t find your comment too cute after all. You subdued your flirtatious attitude and retreated back to what you knew best - submission.

“No sir,” you whispered in a soft voice. He hesitated before letting you go. After a moment of cringing silence, a smile appeared on his face as if he was just messing with you. Using fear to make you submit, and then flipping a switch - how sadistic.

“Good girl. Get up and get dressed. I’ll drop you off at work.” Fighting back every morsel inside of you, you swallowed your pride to obey. You need to come up with a plan when you’re in a safer place. As such, you responded as you always do, following his instructions with a charming smile on your face. 

Just as you suspected, the extra dress you brought with you came in handy as you anticipated staying the night. Your naked reflection in the mirror sent chills down your spine. Bruises peppered your skin with revulsion brewing inside of you . There were bags under your eyes as lack of sleep dragged them down. To put it mildly, you looked like hell. No matter how many times you've seen this sight from past failed relationships, the pain you felt in your heart still aches at the same intensity. You’re yearning for love grows more desperate. For real love.

A week’s time flew by as an absolute blur. To say you had quarantined yourself was an understatement - scared to face the world in your vulnerable state. You had completely submerged yourself into full submissive mode. It was all you could do to survive. The fear of what Joon Jae would do to you had clouded your mind as your dark thoughts took over. No matter how hard you tried to think of ways to part ways with him without retaliation, it was useless. There was a desperation coursing through you to reach out to Taehyung. No, you couldn’t. He would drop everything to aid you - fix the problem. It would be a burden. Instead, you carried on with your week as usual. 

Dealing with Taehyung was easy. Whenever he asked to see you for lunch, you were busy in meetings. Important meetings with clients were underway thanks to Jisoo making you as booked as possible per your request. Taehyung knows how dedicated you are to your work, and he has all eyes on any projects you’re working on. Nothing out of the ordinary for the new Commissioning Editor, right?

In all honesty, you were legitimately busy besides the tedious work you’ve added to your pile. Your contract with GQ Korea Magazine, Joon Jae’s magazine, was reaching its end which means long hours, lots of editing, and lots of problem solving. You promised them that by the end of the month, you would increase their profits via online and social media by forty percent. Your coworkers told you that it was too risky to promise such a big turnaround, yet that didn’t sway you. 

Typically, Kim Publishing worked with writers of novels, short stories, and more of the like. Occasionally, they worked with other companies that seeked better publication and production of their materials - online revenue. Working on this project ensured that while you were trying to remain distant from the world, you could see Joon Jae throughout the days without being entirely alone. Safe.

When he demanded your presence at night, you showed up at his apartment and gave him anything he wanted. Joon Jae did not hold back his passion for pain in forms of pleasure when you were together, but you had finally voiced for him to be cautious with marking you too much. Taehyung’s father’s charity ball was approaching, so requesting to avoid bruising wasn’t exactly unheard of. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop him from putting bruises in places he knew no one could see. 

As time progressed, you found yourself reaching a breaking point. Typically, you loved seeing marks tattooed on your body as a reminder of your nights of lust and dominance over you - but not with him. Every time you saw your Dom, you felt like you were going to be sick. Faking orgasms was getting harder each day. Although, as Joon Jae was a purely self-absorbed man, he didn’t really notice. 

At last, it was the day before the ball. Arrangements were made to leave work early so you could go home, and practice your song one last time before you had to perform it at the charity ball. You just wish you had the energy to be remotely excited about it. This was supposed to be your night to release your true feelings through the sound of music towards Taehyung. Although, here you were, in a relationship you couldn’t get out of. You're almost positive that Taehyung’s relationship with Yuri has only blossomed wildly this past week. Naturally.

When you arrived at your apartment, it was shortly after noon. Any other day, you would have grabbed lunch by now, but you've completely lost your appetite. It’s been like this all week. You've been surviving on ramyeon and espresso coffees all the while. Luckily, Joon Jae was going to be out of town today for an event, and wouldn’t be back until the ball tomorrow. You were relieved to finally have a whole day to yourself without twitching at the thought of him arriving at your doorstep any minute or ringing your phone. 

Once inside your apartment, it felt warm from the sun beaming inside of it. Perks of having a home with large windows in place of exterior walls. For once, you felt like you could breathe as you closed the door, greeted with silence. Your feet dragged you to the bedroom as you dropped your contents one-by-one on any surface you passed by on your way. Walking in a zombie-like state as your body starts to feel like putty, your body relaxes with each step. A hot bath would be absolute heaven right now; perhaps a glass of wine too. 

As you take off your cardigan, you hear something shift behind you. You turn around, gasping from shock before easing into instant relief and butterflies. It was your best friend standing there so casually.

“Jesus, Taehyung. You have to stop doing that. You almost gave me a heart attack. Honestly.” You clutch your chest with your hand over your rapidly beating heart. Although who knows if it’s because he scared you, or if this is just how your heart always beats around him. Likely the latter. 

Taehyung stood there, examining you. He didn’t say a word, but instead walked up to you blatantly looking you over you with a fiery gaze. And yet, in the same gaze seemed to be softness with concern. You had to subdue the inappropriate thoughts that instantly came to your mind. With a sense of security, and belonging that was not earned, your submissive side called out to his dominant side as he towered over you. He reached to cup your face, but you flinched ever so slightly by accident. This caused him to worry; melting to a sheepish stance. 

Taehyung’s touch had never bothered you before. He knew it was always platonically welcomed by you. At this moment, a look of hurt appeared on his face. With caution, Taehyung slowly proceeded to cup your face again, gently turning your head side to side as he looked you over. It was no secret that he was truly concerned about you. 

Out of shame, you couldn’t dare look him in the eyes as fear began to fill you; fear that he would see right through you. Taehyung released you, standing before you with a softer demeanor yet he still held a dominant presence. His aura made you want to run into his arms, but you refrained.

“Y/N, how long has this been going on,” he inquired in a low, calm tone. You pulled your oversized cardigan back over your shoulders to bring you extra comfort; suddenly feeling cold and uncomfortable. Just as your anxiety crept in, you noticed that Taehyung seemed fidgety in the slightest. He tried his best to hide it, but you can see his hands twitching inside his pockets.

“What do you mean,” you asked quietly as an attempt to hide your little secret. Swiftly, you move away from him to head towards the kitchen for the glass of wine that you desperately need right now. You could easily sense that Taehyung wanted nothing more but to stop you in your tracks. He suppressed the urge to interject as it wasn’t his place. His arm stopped abruptly as he removed his hand from his pocket, re-routing to “adjust” the hem of his shirt. He followed you to the kitchen casually. 

As you grabbed a bottle of merlot, pouring a reasonable amount for yourself, you took a deep breath. Following suit, you poured another for Taehyung as you know he would desire to join you. The first sip didn’t calm your nerves as much as you would have liked but the second one helped a little more. Taehyung took a respectful sip from the glass and maintained eye contact with you. His stare burns into your skin as you become flush with heat.

“Y/N. Answer the question,” he said in a firm voice. This time you looked up at him immediately without hesitation. Your submissive instincts take over as easily as they always do around him. Taehyung wasn’t dressed for work. Casual attire in loose jeans and black t-shirt; something that always looked good on him. You sighed softly as you realized just how much you missed him this past week. 

You’ve barely spoken, and you skipped out on your weekly therapy appointment with Yoongi. That’s probably why he was here. Therapists are supposed to keep client confidentiality unless you’re Kim Taehyung who seems to always get what he wants. It was ridiculously infuriating sometimes. It’s not like Yoongi flat out tells Taehyung information but he’s really good at pointing him in the right direction. Why does he even bother? Knowing that the inevitable conversation was about to take place, you took your glass and went back to your room. Taehyung flattened his pillow-like lips, and made way to follow you yet again. For someone that had so little patience, he always seemed to be wildly patient with you. 

“I told you I was busy this week,” you retorted with a shrug as you took another sip of wine, “I didn’t even have time to meet with Yoongi. Once this contract with GQ is done, I’ll meet with him, okay? If that’s your worry. You don’t have to interrogate me. Now, if you don’t mind, I was planning on taking a bath. Why don’t we catch up tomorrow at the party?” Your defensiveness took over like a prey-worthy animal in a corner - oversharing when caught. 

There was desperation in your voice that you could not hide so easily. Taehyung couldn’t hold back,  and reached out to grab your arm. He pulled up one of your cardigan sleeves in a quick motion, revealing the bruised lining around your wrist. You panicked to pull the sleeve back down and dropped your glass of wine. The red liquid spilled on the wooden floor as glass shattered around your feet. In the face of a small scare, you had never been so grateful as to not have carpeting. Red wine stains are the worst.

“Shit,” you whispered. You rolled your eyes as you took a step to get towels - frustrated with yourself. Taehyung stopped you in mid-step. His touch and rapid motion do not trigger you. The air stills. In the face of his dominance, you feel safe. Safer than anything and anywhere else in the world. His warm touch makes your legs weak.

“I’ll take care of it,” he lets out a sigh with worry. You bite your bottom lip, and look down at the ground to avoid his beautiful eyes - gentle almonds filled with care.

“It’s happening again, isn’t it,” Taehyung asked with calmness in his voice, evident with disappointment but primarily worry. He let out a frustrated sigh. Knowing exactly where you keep your cleaning essentials, Taehyung grabs the items effortlessly. His focus truly never leaving you.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N? You promised that you would tell me if someone was taking advantage of you again so I could help you. How can I help you if you shut me out? Don’t you care about yourself? This is...” And then it happened, you shut down. Taehyung stopped himself from proceeding forward as he realized his overreaction wasn’t making you feel any better. What you really needed right now was comfort, not a lecture. 

The atmosphere stilled with silence as you fell into submission. Speechless with no words clouding your mind, and too timid to look him in the eyes. Everything went blank. He was right. Leaving him out of this was doing more harm than good, and yet here you were shutting down instead of running to him. Honestly, you didn’t know how to pull yourself out of your head. It was suffocating. Taehyung knelt before you as you spiraled. A soft breath escaped his lips.

“I’m sorry, Taehyung,” was all you could manage to say. A bashful response as you felt that you had  disappointed him. Internally, the inner demons you harbored convinced you that he was angry with you and would leave your side. Your best friend tilted his head to try to look at you. A soft, tender gaze looking at you with the sweetest smile on his lips. He reached to brush the hair falling near your eyes. Tears prickled your eyes as you melted into his touch.

“No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things. That’s not what you needed. I put my worry and needs before yours when you’re clearly not in the right state,” he let out a soft sigh with worry evident on his face. 

“What can I do to help you trust me?” He took your silence as an answer, and looked over your covered body. He took notice that you managed to cover every possible inch of you, even on a warm day. Words remained silent on your lips.

“How bad is it,” he continued kindly, “Please. Share your pain with me. Let me in.” Just like that, he unraveled you. Every wall came crashing down as the desperation in his voice made you yearn for him. Suddenly, the words flowed from you so easily; from your first date to the first time he punished you, to the hard limits he abused. 

“I was going to text you the first night it happened but...I was too scared. I submitted to him in more ways than I wanted to. I felt so pathetic,” you looked at him with tears in your eyes, “Please don’t be upset with me.” Taehyung’s nostrils were flaring. He was trying so hard to contain his anger towards the man that abused his power over you. After a couple of deep breaths, he stood up and held his hand out to you.

“Come on. I’ll draw you a bath. We’ll talk about this once you get some sleep. You look like you haven’t slept all week,” he said in a low, soothing voice. As much as you wanted to protest, the mention of sleep made your eyes heavier. Delicately, you took his hand and nodded. With his arm around your shoulder, he led you to your bathroom. He knew where everything was and drew you a lavender scented bath - your favorite. After grabbing a towel, he turned to leave but stopped.

“N/N...can I see them? The marks,” you froze in place as his question made your cheeks burn. The marks on your body ranged from your wrists to the back of your hips, and the round mounds behind you. The crimson hue to your skin reached your ears. Taehyung has seen you naked before but that was by accident. One shower incident, not knowing he was inside your home as you danced to the kitchen to grab a snack. One very embarrassing incident - and he laughed. 

You know it’s nothing sexual, yet it’s still inadvertently intimate. Even stripping down to your underwear, you’d be so exposed to him. Surprisingly, you considered showing him, to be seen by someone else and feel validated that these marks are just as putrid as you see them. This boundary… Is it appropriate to cross it? He is your best friend after all - the person you trust most.

“The marks? They’re in private places, Tae. I don’t think Yuri would like that very much.” Taehyung stiffened and for once, he seemed slightly embarrassed. Maybe it’s because he’s not used to having a girlfriend and didn’t think about that. He took a step closer and handed you the towel.

“Yuri doesn’t control me,” he said in a stern voice but then softened, “You’re my friend and I- I need to see them. I need to know.” There was sincerity in his eyes. It almost seemed as if he was scared. Is he punishing himself for what happened to you? You've only seen this side of him once before. 

You were in the hospital after a bad session with one of your past Doms. Taehyung was away on a business trip for a week and when he came back, you were asleep in the gurney with several bruises and a cut lip. He thought you were asleep, but you could hear his tears and his apology for leaving you; promising he would never let this happen again. On the outside, you looked like you would be fine but he knew you wouldn’t be - not mentally. Perhaps this would be proof to him that this was real yet again. With a soft nod, you slowly began to undress.

Out of respect, Taehyung kept his distance; taking a step back as you did so. First your cardigan, then your knee length dress that hugged your curves - leaving you in your bra and underwear. Surely that would be enough for him to see the bruises that peppered your body - now shades of yellow, green, and brown. His eyes started making their way across your skin. You bit your bottom lip, and watched his gaze. It gave you chills in a way of vulnerability but also, arousal. Thankfully your bra was padded, otherwise he would be able to see how much his eyes affected you. Your nipples were erect, and your underwear damp with need. 

Desperately you wanted him to touch you - hold you. You wanted to feel his hands caressing your body in ways it’s never felt before. Somehow you knew that his touch would heal you. It would make you feel no pain, only happiness. Something fierce turned in you, and it took every ounce of your being not to speak up. Taehyung did something that surprised you. His coffee-brown eyes seemed darker or maybe it was in your imagination. 

He took a cautious step closer to you. His eyes remained on your hips where the worst bruises rested. On each side, beneath the black fabric that hugged your hips, bruises in shapes of fingerprints - marks of Joon Jae’s nails that had pierced your skin. Your breath became shaky as he stood before you. It was like he was hypnotized by your marks, yet you couldn’t read what was churning in his mind. He extended his hands and slowly reached for your hips. His fingertips brushed over your skin. His eyes moved to yours to look for a sign, expecting you to wince from pain or hesitation of his touch. Little did he know that his touch relaxed you beyond compare. 

“S-see...it’s not that bad,” you whispered as you met his gentle gaze. Something shifted in his eyes as your eyes locked, something you've never seen before. You weren’t sure what it was. Yet, he just stood there - unwavering his eyes.

“Taehyung-”

“I should go. I have to take care of something before the ball. Thank you…for showing me,” he said softly. You nodded as he released his gentle hold on you, leaving you cold and in need of his touch again. 

“Min-hyuk will pick you up at 7 tomorrow night. I’ll be wearing a black mask. Come find me when you arrive, okay?” A lighthearted chuckle escaped you as he handed you the towel to cover yourself.

“A black mask in a sea of other masks? I don’t think that’ll be too hard.” He smiled back at your little joke, and left you alone in your bathroom. As soon as you heard the door closing faintly in the distance, you felt like you could breathe again. Your body was on fire as you could still feel his touch. It felt like electric waves coursed through your veins just in a few seconds. 

Turning to the warm bath that awaited you, the bath he drew for you, you sighed. When you discarded your bra, your nipples perked just as you knew they would. It was no surprise that when you eased your underwear down your legs, a string of arousal clung to them as your core remained swollen. As usual, the bliss of your own fingers, imagination, and a soothing bath will have to ease your ache for yet another night.

Not a single word out of Joon Jae today. It wasn’t unusual but since he was returning today from his trip, you figured you would have had a message from him with instructions for tonight. Although it’s not like you’re complaining. His silence is your saving grace.

As you sat in the back of Min-hyuk’s car, you watched the traffic as it rushed by. He looked in the rearview mirror to glance at you. Your mask wasn’t in place yet as there was no reason to hide your identity just yet. There was never a need for a divider between you as he was your friend as well.

“Miss Y/N,” he said from the front. Your gaze met his in the mirror and smiled in turn.

“Yes Min-hyuk?” Min-hyuk’s eyes flickered between you and the road to drive safely. He watched the road as he spoke.

“You look very beautiful tonight. I hope you smile a lot tonight. You deserve it, N/N.” His words made your heart skip a beat. Min-hyuk was like family to you. Almost like an uncle but more of a dear, old friend. He told you once that he hopes his daughter grows up to be like you, and that was the greatest compliment he could have given. Although, for both of their sake, you hope she becomes much better; stronger and wiser, just like her father. Min-hyuk stopped the car as he pulled into the Kim’s driveway. Grabbing your mask to put in place, you leaned forward to get closer to Min-hyuk. You gently placed your hand on his shoulder to kiss his cheek.

“I don’t know what I would do without you, Min-hyuk. Thank you.” He smiled back at you whilst trying to remain professional, he averted his gaze straight ahead. Various people in all colors and shapes cascading into the radiant home. So many elegant gowns with elaborate details to match the masquerade theme. A gentle thought crossed your mind and you couldn’t resist.

“Why don’t you go home? I can easily find a ride home. Besides, I’m sure your daughter would love to see you at a decent hour.” There was a sparkle of hope and admiration in his eyes that you couldn’t help but to adore. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll let Taehyung know I relieved you. I’ll take the scolding.” It was obvious that Min-hyuk tried masking his excitement but you could see right through it. With the slightest of smiles but the fullest heart, Min-hyuk got out of the car to open your door. You got out and stood by his tall, broad form.

“Thank you, ma’am,” he responded. Smiling at him, you squeezed his forearm gently.

“Have a good night, Min-hyuk.” With that, you sauntered off into the night to join the rest of the mysterious guests of Min-ho’s masquerade ball.

The Kim’s home, that had always been your safe haven, had transformed into a modern renaissance extravaganza. It was simply stunning. Hues of red and gold filled the room with chandeliers to add to the expensive tone. Jesters and performers of all kinds were scattered around the room to entertain guests as they walked by. From jugglers to a man swallowing a ball of fire as if it was water quenching his thirst. 

A smile appeared on your face in appreciation of how well the Kim’s always throw a party. It was over the top and yet they always spent more money than they pocketed in profit. It’s never about the money for such events, especially a charity event. This night is for underprivileged children in broken homes and drug addictions. A cause they have always been passionate about. It was admirable - and why you’re a part of their family today. 

Feeling confident as you glided into the mansion, you felt proud of your dress. You felt sexy. It was conservative yet not. The dress caught your eye ages ago, deciding to keep it for a special occasion. A golden dress with glimmering accents that made you feel radiant. Your bare skin peeking through the nude toned mesh material, from afar looking see-through in a teasing way. Sequins reflecting every light you pass under as if you were a walking piece of jewelry - not too tacky or gaudy. A delicate turtleneck with exposed shoulders to reveal your soft skin in contrast to the floor length gown. Caressing your hips and between your breasts was a sheer fabric that lightly exposed your skin, just enough to show you were not wearing a bra or underwear - not enough to give everyone a show. Fortunately, the material cupping your breasts was thick enough to hide the perk to your nipples as the dress was mildly stimulating. The ensemble you chose didn’t go unnoticed by the others at the party. People casually glanced your way, yet your head remained high as confidence coursed through you

A gold mask laid on your face well enough to hide your insecurities. It matched your dress in its sparkle and shine. There is just enough makeup for a natural, bronze look to pair evenly with your attire. With grace, you scanned the room as you walked through. The Kim’s decorated their home to look like a casino to allow people to gamble for a cause. People of all sorts spread throughout the home at blackjack tables, poker, craps, roulette, but also the dance floor. Smooth jazz played in the background as the live band and black tied man sang at the microphone. 

For the first time in a while, you felt unafraid and sure of yourself. At least until you saw something that made your confidence drop into the pit of your stomach. Taehyung entered the room with a silver dressed goddess on his arm - Yuri. She wore a silky dress that clung to her petite body. It was apparent that Taehyung bought it for her. It had his taste written all over it. Even you could tell that Yuri was a simple girl that didn’t like extravagant things. The dress suited her and you can’t deny that you don’t envy her for it. Although you love the dress you're in, a part of you wants to be in that dress instead - or perhaps, on Taehyung’s arm. Thankfully, Taehyung’s elegant mother approaches you, and gives you the distraction you desperately needed.

“Y/N! Oh my… You-,” she let out a sigh and smiled sweetly with tears in her eyes, “You look absolutely stunning, dear.” Sooyoung reaches you, immediately giving you a kiss on each cheek after a warm hug as she always does when she sees you. She looked stunning in her black dress. She always looked beautiful in such a warm way that made you feel nothing but comfort.

“Thank you, Sooyoung. You look beautiful beyond words as always. The party seems like a success as I knew it would.” Sooyoung smile, humbly brushing off your compliment. Letting out a pleased sigh, she looked around and nodded.

“You’re too kind, dear. It turned out very well. I can’t say I’m not proud.” At that moment, Taehyung and Yuri turned towards you to meet Min-ho, his father, to exchange a few words. You tried your best not to acknowledge the situation. Fortunately, a waiter walked by with a tray of champagne. Quickly taking a stemmed glass, you downed it without a problem. Sooyoung smirked and took a sip from her own that she gathered as well.

“I’m sorry to hear about Joon Jae, although I’m sure you’re a little relieved,” she said as she lowered her glass. This caught your attention. You cocked your head slightly as you lowered your glass to hold elegantly in your hand.

“Joon Jae? What do you mean?”Sooyoung almost looked amused at your question.

“Why do you sound so surprised? It’s been all over the news all day - the arrest. Surely, you heard about it,” she waited a moment before continuing, “Embezzling thousands of dollars for years is bound to catch up with a person. I must say, I had a bad feeling about him. At least now you don’t have to part ways in an uncomfortable way. Assuming you would be parting ways, that is.” Embezzling money? What on earth is she talking about? You tried your best not to seem too surprised. Instead, you nodded to agree with her. Thankfully, a couple approached her to grasp her attention; giving you an opportunity to get away. 

Out of your small clutch purse, you pulled out your phone. Your instinct told you to just search on Naver for Joon Jae’s name to see what came up. To your surprise, his name appeared instantly in a headline - “Ahn Joon Jae Hordes Thousands from GQ Korea Magazine”. Within the first paragraph, it described his crime; stating he stole money from the company through false stocks and bonds. An anonymous tip warned the authorities yesterday afternoon and he was arrested the moment he landed back in Seoul from a business trip. Something about this raised an alarm inside of you. You looked up from your phone to find Taehyung. He was deep in conversation with another couple with Yuri clinging to his side. 

A part of you felt upset by this, yet another part felt touched. The ultimate fear inside of you of the consequences from this couldn’t help but to surface. There was no doubt it was Taehyung. The situation was too perfectly timed. He had to take care of something alright, you thought. Joon Jae was a powerful man. Could Taehyung’s power overshadow his or would this come back to haunt you? Your thoughts were interrupted by a man in a tuxedo in a black and silver mask. This man was Ki-young, Taehyung’s older brother.

“Can our girl dress to impress or what? N/N, you look freaking amazing,” the golden retriever said cheerfully. It was obvious from his ecstatic mannerisms that it was your unrelated brother. Right away, you could recognize his date from your previous dinner together. She wore an elegant blue dress that complimented her dyed blonde hair accompanied by a silver mask. Ki-young leaned forward to give you a kiss on the cheek and you reciprocated.

“You always know how to make a girl feel special. Hello Yoona. You look beautiful. I can see why Ki-young is so cheerful tonight.” The young woman blushed, and squeezed Ki-young’s arm as she held onto him.

“Thank you. I have to say this isn’t your everyday crowd, but it’s a lot of fun being here dressed like this. So many elites and chaebols are here,” she whispers excitedly, “But seriously, N/N. That dress is to die for. Your boyfriend must be a mess seeing you like this. Where is uh...Joon Jae, right?” Ki-young looked a little guilty towards you, or at least knowing of the situation. You simply smiled kindly.

“Joon Jae isn’t here tonight. I came alone. I couldn’t let this dress go to waste,” you teased lightly, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to speak with Min-ho for a moment. Have a good evening you two.” As much as you wanted your exit to seem nonchalant, Yoona looked at Ki-young with apologetic eyes. She could sense she unintentionally made you uncomfortable. He assured her that she did nothing wrong with a simple kiss to her temple.

Indeed, you did go to find Min-ho for further instructions on your performance tonight. You couldn’t face Taehyung; not yet at least. Besides, he was busy entertaining Yuri, so you didn’t want to interrupt them. In fact, the more you thought about it, knowing you were truly alone tonight, all you wanted to do was sing your song and make your exit. Going home, putting on some pajamas, and watching a chick flick with a big glass of wine sounded delightful - maybe a whole bottle. 

Min-ho was found standing with Sooyoung as they spoke to another lavish couple. As you approached them, you tried sneaking glances at Taehyung. Luckily, he never noticed. Your fictive kin  parents took notice of you as you approached them, and said their goodbyes to the couple they were speaking with.

“N/N, dear, you look stunning. I’m so glad you made it,” Min-ho said with delight. You leaned forward to give him a kiss on the cheek. He had such young features for a man his age; so comforting and bright. The Kim’s were truly a good looking family, even including Taehyung being adopted into the family. Their wealth and status never faltered their kindhearted nature. They always remained true and pure. You couldn’t have asked for a better family to stand by your side throughout your years.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you took another quick glance at Taehyung, whom you found on the dance floor with Yuri. Sooyoung took notice as she always does - as most mothers do.

“So, your performance. Are you well prepared?” Min-ho smirked as the instruments in the background came to an end. The guests clapped respectfully for the band. Butterflies tingled to your very core.

“It looks like it will be about right about now,” he remarked with a wink as he walked towards the stage. The intoxication of the champagne seemed to hit you like an IV tap - giving you enough courage to carry on. Sooyoung stepped closer to you and put her hand on your arm for comfort.

“Don’t be nervous, dear. It’s going to be beautiful,” Sooyoung reassured in her sweetest, motherly tone. With a sigh, you put your hand over hers before she let go.

“I’m...going to sing something different. Something with more meaning. I don’t think the world is ready for the mess I’ve been writing these days,” you joked with a nervous laugh. It was a decision you were perfectly happy with. Most of the songs you sang had a dark and somber meaning between the lines. This selection was specifically driven towards a more light yet still romantic setting. As you sat down each night to practice this song, something felt right. This song made your heart hurt in the most healing way - the old, jazz classic, Everytime We Say Goodbye.

“It is my pleasure to introduce a beautiful, young woman who has been nothing less than a daughter to me and my wife over the years. It turns out that she has wonderful talent, and now she’s going to share it with all of you. We’re delighted to witness such a gift. Ladies and gentlemen, Y/N L/N.” When you heard your name, your heart pounded in your chest. Your eyes on the microphone as you approached the small stage area.

It’s been so long since you've performed in front of people. Well, you had piano recitals in school, but you didn’t have to open your mouth to sing. Ever. This was new territory and surprisingly, you didn’t feel like you were going to throw up. Although, it did feel like your heart was beating in your throat. A part of you felt relief that Soo-young convinced you to stand outside of your comfort zone. It was especially invigorating as no one really knew you could sing. And now, the people closest to you and a room of elite strangers were about to see your vulnerability on display. 

The crowd lightly applauded as you took your graceful strides forward. When you got up to the stage, you were greeted with a sea of elegant men and women in extraordinary dresses and masks - a beautiful sight yet excruciatingly intimidating. Even though this was an upscale lifestyle you were used to seeing, you still didn’t feel as if you fit in. But now, with this song, you could escape to a world that was always your safe place. It should be a terrifying thought but the only set of eyes that make you weak in the knees are his.

The piano keys begin playing in the background in a harmonious fashion. Nervous fingers twitch at your side to the melody to follow along the rhythm. Instantly, as you close your eyes to take it all in, it takes you back to your childhood. When you and Taehyung were having your darkest of days. Playing jazz albums on the vinyl player he kept in his room, this song in particular - Every Time We Say Goodbye. Tonight, the beautiful melody was sung by you.

We love each other so deeply That I ask you this, sweetheart Why should we quarrel ever? Why can't we be enough clever,  never to part -

It wasn’t until you drew out the last note that you finally opened your eyes. Closing your eyes allowed you to feel the music and travel back to the time you held so near and dear to your heart. When you opened them, your focus was on the pair of brown eyes that always made your heart flutter. It took no time to find them as if your auras were calling out to each other. The melody remained slow as your voice led the flow of the chords. So tender and raw with a hint of deep love with each note that escaped your lips. A fabrato purred in your throat with each ending word naturally.

Every time we say goodbye, I die a little Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little Why the gods above me, who must be in the know - Think so little of me They allow you to go -

The song flowed in perfect harmony with your voice as people began slow dancing along. Eyes respectfully tried to remain on you as your presence was captivating in every way. In particular, Taehyung was watching. There was a soft smile on his lips. You couldn’t tell if he was surprised or in awe or just content to be near his beloved. Yuri said something to him that you couldn’t make out. He then turned his attention back to her. It was only for a moment and his gaze was back on you as they continued dancing with one another. 

When you're near, There's such an air of spring about it I can hear a lark somewhere begin to sing about it - There's no love song finer But how strange the change from major to minor Every time we say goodbye Every time we say goodbye -

The song came to an end with a big weight lifted off of your chest. The room cheered. In Particular, you took notice of Ki-young and Min-ji clapping and cheering louder than anyone else in the room - such supportive siblings. You couldn’t help but to smile with a tinted rose in your cheeks. Graciously, you curtsied to the crowd. Walking off the stage, the band began playing the next song to keep the mood for the party. You decided to go towards the dance floor to find everyone; well, Taehyung. Interrupting your search with eagerness, Ki-young, Yoona, and Min-ji walked up to you. Min-ji was the first to give you the biggest hug her petite body could handle.

“Y/N L/N! Oh my god! I didn’t know you could sing like that! Babe, you sounded like an angel!" As you hugged her back, you couldn’t help but to giggle. Her enthusiasm made you feel warm. Min-ji was always such a bright spirit and you loved her for it. 

“Thanks Min-ji. I’m sorry I didn’t greet you before going on. You look ravishing as always.” Min-ji gave you a look and then the same to Ki-young.

“Can you ever take a compliment without giving one back,” she asked with a laugh, “but thank you. You know how much I love a good party.”

“You love anything that involves you dressing up, Min,” Ki-young interrupted with a kind smile. Min-ji turned to him with a cheeky smile showing that he was right on the nose.

“You know me all too well, big brother.” At that moment, Taehyung arrived by your side and gently placed his hand on your lower back. An instant chill ran up your spine as you caught a glimpse of the coy smile he gave his siblings; his scent filling your nose. Smoked cherries - spicy and sweet. Ba-dum, ba-dum. Be still my heart.

“Ki-young, Yoona, Min-ji, do you mind if I steal N/N for a moment?” The trio smiled and willingly let him whisk you away. He didn’t waste any time to take you further onto the floor, readying himself in position to start dancing with you. He held you close and your instinct was to find Yuri to ensure this didn’t bother her. She couldn’t be seen anywhere.

“Where’s your date,” you asked casually. Taehyung looked at you without an emotion you could read and held your hand a little tighter in an endearing way - a comforting way.

“She’ll be back soon. So, when were you planning on telling me that you could sing like that? I've  known you practically your whole life and I've never heard you. Curious.” The word slithered out like a snake who just caught his victim. The way he asked seemed as if he was slightly insulted that he didn’t know. A playful scoff came out. The man acts as if there can be no secrets between you two. Little does he know. He discovered something about you that he couldn’t read in a file. Poor thing. You looked into his eyes and remained coy.

“You don’t have to know everything about me, you know?” He laughed lightly in amusement. Lowering himself to meet your ear so only you could hear, his breath tickled your skin.

“You and I both know that’s far from the truth. I must know everything about you,” his voice  hummed deliciously in a way that made you shiver, “For what it’s worth, you have a beautiful voice, along with how you look tonight. You sang our song. Should I be flattered or was that just a coincidence?” His gaze returned to yours as he parted from the side of your face. Prayers couldn’t prevent your cheeks from changing colors. His irises seemed darker somehow. It made your heart race.

“It depends. Are you flattered, Taehyung?” Wait. Are we flirting? It’s been a while since we’ve been playful towards each other; at least since before Yuri came into the picture. A smirk formed on his perfectly shaped lips - hypnotizing.

“Flattered enough that I want to hear you again. Would you sing for me,” he asked in an enticing voice. It was then that you realized how close you were dancing together. His touch felt like fire against your lower back as the material of your dress was dangerously thin. You could feel how firm his chest was as your torsos were sandwiched together. The smell of his body wash and light scented cologne makes your head spin. Surely he could feel how fast your heart was beating. Or perhaps he could smell how aroused you are. Your cheeks flushed deeper as you looked up at him.

“You know I’ll do anything you ever ask of me. I’ll do anything for you, Taehyung,” you said in a submissive tone. Saying his name when you spoke to him was your own way of being submissive to him, but you're not sure if he ever noticed. Something changed in his expression. It seemed as if time stood still. Suddenly, Taehyung’s attention averted towards the entrance. Yuri was headed out in a rushed fashion - almost as if she was running away. His attention was no longer in your presence as he watched her descend towards the doors.

“Perhaps a raincheck. Excuse me.” And in an instant, Taehyung left. Initially, the feeling of disappointment coursed through you yet your empathy took over. Whatever it was, it would be awful of her boyfriend to just stand there and watch her leave. And yet, how quickly he ran to her without hesitation made your heart drop ever so slightly. You got your dance and sang your song. May as well make your exit. Regardless, it was all you wanted from this evening. 

Sooyoung and Min-ho are sitting at a table engaging in conversation with other elites. With a deep breath to regain your composure, you make your way over there to say goodbye. They both look up at you with delight.

“Sorry to leave so early but I think I’m going to go,” you interrupt politely. Min-ho went to speak but was pulled into another conversation by a peer. Sooyoung looked disappointed by this.

“But the evening has just begun, darling. Won’t you stay for the auction? It’s coming up soon.” Ah, the auction. Bidding on items and events isn’t exactly your cup of tea. Your contribution was your voice and you couldn’t bear to be there any longer. Walking over behind them, you kissed each of them on the cheek.

“Enjoy your evening, okay? I’ll come over soon to share a meal.” Sooyoung opened her mouth to protest, however, you left before you could hear another reason to stay. For once, you wanted to be selfish. You needed to be selfish. Besides, nothing sounded more appealing to you than spending the remainder of the night with yourself. Perhaps tonight, you’ll start learning how to move on; starting with the biggest bottle of wine that you can find.

It was nearly midnight and you were sure the party had come to an end by now. A content sigh escaped you as you walked out of your bedroom in your most comfortable loungewear. Face washed and your routine night care had been complete - leaving you feeling fresh. Eagerness coursed through your veins as your bare feet led you towards the kitchen. A steaming cup of tea awaited you. 

With your cup in hand, you walked over to your couch whilst taking tiny sips to soothe your soul. A fuzzy blanket laid lazily just calling out your name. Now that the ball was over, a weekend ahead of catching up on rest seemed like a dream. Just as you were about to turn on an episode of one of your favorite dramas, there was a knock on the door. Panic made you freeze; alert yet confused. Who would be at your door this late at night?

Fear rose in your chest as you slowly got off the couch. Please don’t let it be Joon Jae… Your phone in hand ready in case you need to make an emergency call to someone, anyone. Thoughts mumbling internally as you approach the tiny security screen near your door, you take a peak to see your visit. To your surprise, it was the last person you were expecting to see. Instantly, you opened the door.

“Taehyung? What are you doing here?” His hair looked slightly teased. His suit jacket was gone leaving him just in a button down shirt, the top two buttons undone and his tie unraveled around his collar. He looked up at you in a way that caused your heart to skip a beat. Had he been crying?

“She’s gone. I guess I’m more of a monster than I thought…” His voice sounded so defeated. It broke your heart into two. Nothing stopped you from reaching out for his hand to lead him inside.

“Ah... Come inside,” your soothing voice whispered. When you closed the door, he stood in place. Looking around your apartment as if it was the first time he had ever been here. Lost and dazed. What the hell happened to make him so disheveled? As much as you wanted to wrap your arms around him, you decided to keep your distance. Instead, you went to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea for him as well. He looked like he desperately needed one - something comforting. When you returned to him, he hadn’t moved an inch. He slowly reached for the cup, wrapping his hands around it without taking a sip.

“What happened? I haven’t seen you like this...in a really long time. Are you okay?” Somehow, you felt as if you could feel his pain. Your attachment to him truly took a hold. The empathetic connection you shared was all consuming, as if you had the power to fix everything.

“She wanted to see. She wanted to know how far I could go. It wasn’t even my furthest. I proceeded with caution, started slowly. But she looked at me as if I abused her. I trusted her to tell me to stop and she never did. Why didn’t she use her safe word? I...I don’t know what I did wrong.” Blood boiled inside of you. Although he spoke without much context, you knew exactly what he meant. Yuri must have challenged Taehyung to show her his true dominance. Why like this? Yuri was new to the world of BDSM. Trust is the utmost important aspect of the realm. To defy this trust is the worst you can do - whether as the dominant or the submissive.

Remember when you interviewed Yuri a while back, she asked you questions about this lifestyle. It wasn’t a life for her. She didn’t understand. You don’t just become submissive. You either are or you’re not. Maybe you should have warned Taehyung but he needed to see for himself. In the moment, all you could do was keep to yourself. Now wasn’t the time for “I told you so”. He needed a friend, a confidant.

“You’re not a monster. Don’t ever think that way. You have strong feelings for Yuri and I get that. I really do. You gained feelings for someone who doesn’t understand this life, which isn’t easy. Being a dominant or a submissive isn’t a sin. It’s not weird or unusual. It’s an intense relationship that involves trust in so many forms. You need someone who can give you the best of both worlds - a submissive and a deep connection outside of the bedroom. I’m...sorry that person wasn’t Yuri. Give it some time. Maybe she just needs to think about it and she’ll come around. If you’ll accept her trust again, that is.” Taehyung’s gaze never left yours as you spoke. Something softened in his eyes.

“I don’t think I could trust her again. Who is to say she won’t do it again? Maybe…I need someone that can give me that trust. Someone...like you.” Your jaw dropped and lips dried as you lost your breath. Eyes widened at his words, your head frantically started replaying his words to make sure you heard them correctly.

“I-I...I don’t know w-what you mean. You’re not thinking clearly. Why don’t we sit on the couch?” Fighting every fiber of your being to think too much into the situation, you turned to go towards the couch. His hand reached for your wrist to still you. His eyes were dark, lingering enough to make your skin heat with anticipation.

“I’m thinking more clearly than I have in my entire life. Y/N, why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” Time stood still. What did he mean? It couldn’t be. The song perhaps? How did he know? Thinking back, you recalled getting an unusual text from his mother after you left the ball.

It will all be better soon. I promise, dear.

Sooyoung. What the hell did she say to him? The breath in your lungs became dense as the room became smaller. The deepest secret between the two of you had been revealed without your permission. A string of emotions rushed over you as you tried to find a way to escape this.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re...just friends. That’s it,” you stuttered timidly as you tried to play it off with nervous laughter. Taehyung didn’t look phased.

“If you wanted to be more, all you had to do was ask. I thought I was clear about that.” Then that’s when you started putting the pieces together. Did he think you just wanted to be his submissive? You couldn’t help but to laugh lightly - insulted.

“Taehyung, I’ve told you a thousand times. I don’t want to be your sub. I value our friendship far too much for that. I don’t know what your mother told you but I think you got the wrong idea. Don’t read too much into things.” Feeling the perfect opportunity as he loosened his grip, you removed your wrist from his hand. The fear of him feeling your heightened pulse made you retreat from his warm touch. Surely she said something subtle and he took it the wrong way. He’s suggested such a dom-sub relationship for years; no strings attached. It was a line you could never cross as you knew you would get attached and want more. A real relationship. Love.

“I’m sorry, Taehyung, but that’s not a line I can cross with you.” Your gaze into his eyes were soft - sincere. Rejecting his offer yet again to avoid a potential broken heart, it was the best solution. It had to be.

“So you’re not in love with me then,” Taehyung replied in a low, sultry tone. Your breath caught in your throat, your eyes widened in alarm. Shock got the best of you, making you drop your teacup causing it to shatter against the floor - the only sound that remained in the room besides your thoughts.

Fuck...

[sidmakestuff]

Fast Track

Bucky Barnes x fem!reader

Summary: You see him on the train on your daily commute. You secretly pine. and pine. and pine...and pine. Day after day. And then you finally get a chance to talk to him.  Warnings: Angst w/happy ending, hurt/comfort, use of y/n, very insecure and soft bucky, reader using petnames slightly excessively, swearing, some references to sex, mdni!

Hope you enjoy :) Leave me some feedback pls and thx xx

You took the B train every Monday through Friday at seven in the morning. You got off at the seventh stop every Monday through Friday at seven thirty in the morning. You smiled politely at the muscular stranger who shared your stop at seven thirty in the morning. Even though he never really smiled back, only sometimes gracing you with a slight nod of his head.

You talked to everyone on the train. It started as a nervous habit. Nerves were easily appeased once you complimented a stranger and their tight-lips transformed into a glowing smile at the flattery. It was always genuine; you never made up a compliment. It wasn’t that hard to find at least one nice thing about someone, and it was worth it to be able to fall into conversation with them over constant conversation with yourself and your mind that was usually trying to convince you that you were always out of place. 

Over the years, you knew every face on the seven am B train. You knew their lives, what they did, who they loved, and sometimes even made some kind friends in your neighborhood.

You knew everyone from Mr Delmar, who always watched out for you, to Peter Parker, who was always far too bruised up for a high school kid, to the humblest of men, Steve Rogers, who grew to love you as a kind soul with the remarkable ability to put themselves in anyone’s shoes and imagine quite accurately how they must feel, a compassion you extended even to him, something you said was not difficult at all, which Steve found hard to believe. But, chip by chip, you aided him in changing how he viewed himself. People did not deserve to see themselves any less than they were, least of all Steve Rogers, you told him.

Yet, of course, there had to be one remaining obstacle, one last stranger you never got to know. He didn’t really intimidate you, though you got the impression that that was his intent. You supposed, as a woman taking the New York subway, you should be wary of a tall, muscular man, dressed in dark clothing. You weren’t to be mistaken for a foolish woman. You carried around a taser the size of your forearm and pepper spray was always hardly a second out of grasp. You looked for an exit to every room you walked in. You worked for S.H.I.E.L.D for fuck’s sake. Even if you were just an engineer, you had taken self defense classes since your first day of work. Caution was in your blood at this point. 

This man should have set off every red flag, and still, there was something endearing about his slightly crooked walk, his uneven shoulders and long strides. His stubble grew in all different directions as if no one taught him to shave. There was some constant uncertainty in his certain gaze. There was something remarkable at how human he was with his little ear buds and his strangely gloved hands. You wondered what he listened to every morning. You could only guess and those guesses ran from the Beatles to Motley Crue. 

But then there were his eyes. Lighter eye shades usually came off more deceptive; you favored coffee colored irises like Peter’s–coupled with his childlike wonder and affliction for trouble, it made you relax around him immediately. But this man’s eyes, despite being a striking cerulean, were much, much too soft for a dangerous man. There was something so utterly tender about him that had you catching your breath far more often than you’d like. 

It’s also what stopped you from exchanging words with him, fear that those eyes would turn on you in anger, something you didn’t feel that you could bear. An odd weight on your chest for a literal stranger. You chalked it up to social anxiety, though you knew there was more to it. 

Still, it wasn’t for a lack of trying that you still hadn’t gotten to know him. You had wordlessly offered him many a bagel, a donut, a bear claw, a puff pastry, for crying out loud, but he had always politely waved you off, ears red in what you assumed to be annoyance. You felt a little dismissed, like Pooh trying to invite Eeyore to come play, but you knew this was likely how he treated everyone, and eventually gave into being content with knowing the people you knew. You weren’t one for a challenge that made you look stupid. You knew your place. 

You still wondered what he did, though. Your stop was the same, but your routes after were different, yet you swore you saw him around S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters sometimes. 

 It was nearing two years of seeing him on the B train that you found out what he did. You were on your short walk from the cafe near Delmar’s where you got your morning latte, humming softly as you passed alleyway after alleyway. You were almost to the station when you caught sight of a familiar silhouette. On his knees, head in hands, there was your mystery man. No doubt about it, it was him. It was the same kevlar jacket, the same dark wash jeans and steel-toed boots, the same uneven shoulders.

You hesitated, paused beside the alley, facing him. His breaths came far too frequent and far too short, visible in the cold Brooklyn air. This was one of your worst ideas, but you couldn’t stand by and watch him stumble through this, quite awfully you might add. Unfortunately for him, it looked like he didn’t know a single coping mechanism to get through a panic attack. Hell, you doubted he even knew that he was even having a panic attack. 

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for what lay ahead, and approached him. 

He didn’t notice you at first, hands ungloved, revealing that one of them was made of some sort of expensive metal. It looked like it could crush you in a second. You gulped, certain you didn’t want to scare him, and quietly called out, “Hey, there.”

He turned to you in an instant, a hand dropping to his waistline. Oh my god, he was armed, too. What had you gotten yourself into?

You knew that looking scared wouldn’t help, though. You slowly dropped to your knees as well, your worried eyes locked with his terrified ones. 

“Hi, honey,” you began, your lips suddenly feeling dry. 

He was still panicking, one hand on his chest, but he didn’t say a word. 

You tried your best to only focus on what he needed at the moment. You dropped your bag to the ground and put your near empty coffee beside it. 

“It looks like you’re having a panic attack. I think I can help you.”

He chews the inside of his cheek, hands shaking terribly. “Can I give you my hand?” you ask. 

He hesitates, drawing his hand closer to his body, as if his body language could be any more inward. 

“I’m not going to hurt you, love, I promise. I only want to help.” He relaxes slightly at your steady tone. He reached his flesh hand out for you to take. You grab it with both of yours and inch closer to him. You can feel how warm he is, hands slightly sweaty from panic, the pulse in his wrist thundering. 

“These things always end. Know that. It’s going to be over soon,” you reassure, watching as sweat builds on his temple.

His eyes are restless, looking over you and around you, never pausing. “Focus on me, sweetheart. Just look at me. Yes, there you go. Let yourself breathe. You’re going to get through this. I know it’s stupid hard for no reason and you feel helpless, but just trust me when I say you’ll get through this.”

He gave you a curt nod, grateful eyes staying on yours.

“Can you tell me your name, honey?”

He nearly choked, voice shaky as he rasped out, “Bucky.”

Your eyes flashed in recognition. You didn’t want to say anything that might trigger him yet, though, so you softened your features and smiled. “Sweet. That’s a sweet name. I like it.”

Bucky’s breaths were slowly steadying, his pulse decelerating. 

You stayed with him, coaxing him off of the edge and whispering words of encouragement. 

 He was dying. This was it. Some old lady in the coffee shop he frequented saw his metal arm and screamed, calling him a monster and that was it. He left the shop, unable to breathe. He checked his body for bullets, but he couldn’t find any. Bucky was certain his lungs had been shot, though. He’d only ever woken up from nightmares with this feeling. There’s no way this wasn’t real. 

Heart in his throat, Bucky pulled off to a nearby alley and nearly vomited his internal organs. The world was spinning. He didn’t know how he got to his knees with his head in his hands but he was there now, unable to fight off the evil feeling that he would never be normal, never be anything better than HYDRA’s monster.

Tears threatened to breach Bucky’s eyes as he still couldn’t take in a proper breath. He imagined drowning would be a better way to die than this.

He was so caught up in his distress, in the shadows that threatened to pull him under, that he hardly heard your voice, muffled like it was underwater.

Bucky flinched hard, surfacing, immediately reaching for the pistol in his waistband. He had a fleeting thought that put into perspective for him how sick it was that the one technological adjustment he didn’t have to make from his old life to his new life was weaponry. He knew of every one; he had _used _every one.

He took you in, eyes glossing over your overly concerned figure. 

Fucking hell, of course he would lose his shit in front of the woman he had become sweet on from the morning train for two goddamn years. Bucky had no real reason to take the B train. He had initially only taken it for a week when his bike was in the shop, but that week had given him more faith in humanity than anything had in the last decade.

He had noticed you the moment you had walked into the train, eyes taking in every one on the car and greeting near everyone around him. You checked in with a teenage boy’s science project and urged him to apply to an internship where you worked–S.H.I.E.L.D. 

You were warm, and bubbly, unburdened by any horrors, at least not on first look, and you cared so much for every individual you came across. Bucky hoped you didn’t notice him watching you like a creep the entire ride, jaw slack and eyes way too fond for a stranger.

Though he was headed the same way you were, he went the opposite direction at the seventh stop so it didn’t look like he was following you. 

He came back day after day, your blinding smile and kind eyes starting off every one of his mornings until he began to dread the weekends when he couldn’t see you–nights plagued with nightmares and memories of a person he wanted to set himself as far apart from as possible. He didn’t realize how much he had come to depend on seeing your plushy face and hearing your silken voice until nearly two years had already passed. 

You were always too bright of a star for him to accept any of your kindness, however. Sometimes he felt unworthy of even looking at you, a sun in the cold world he lived in. That’s why he always waved off any of your offerings, often without even making eye contact, trying to hold down the flush of his skin from his flustered state.

He never imagined that this is how he would finally meet you.

Oh no. _Oh no, ohnoohnoohno. _This couldn’t be happening. You had definitely seen his hand. There was no hiding it now with his gloves strewn at his feet. Bucky wondered what you thought. He figured it was something along the lines of repulsion. But no part of you looked at him in disgust, only with affection. 

“Hi, honey,” you practically crooned, the pet name making him practically melt into a puddle at your feet. It wasn’t condescending at all, only genuine concern in your voice. You told him he was having a panic attack. Is that what this slow death was? You seemed to know a lot about them. He hoped it wasn’t from personal experience. Shit was miserable.

Then you asked for his hand and he practically threw himself away in the dumpster closeby. He couldn’t imagine why you would offer to touch him. Him, who was the devil in disguise. 

He swallowed thickly, chewing the inside of his cheek, before he gave in. He couldn’t help it. There you were, pleading so tenderly with him to take your hand. How could he refuse? He didn’t know how he ever refused you anything, to be honest. It seemed almost blasphemous.

His lungs wouldn’t stop wailing and the world still wouldn’t stop spinning. You were the only anchor and even then he wasn’t sure of his footing. 

You took his hand in both of his and described exactly how he was feeling, as if you had felt it before. And you were calling him all these sweet things like honey and love and sweetheart and he didn’t know if he could survive it, but this was in a good way, a sort of death he didn’t deserve but was desperate for.

And then you asked his name. Before he knew it, he was saying it, and you were calling it sweet and then he was near choking out a sob, suddenly wishing he knew yours. He already knew he loved it.

It felt like you knew him then, and he knew you. He wondered if you felt it, too.

There was something so intimate about the little bubble you two had created, and all at once you realized just how much you had been craving the presence of this near stranger, the chance to know him. The tension was palpable and there was no true rhyme or reason to it, but it had you on the verge of tears. 

Of course, you knew far more about him now. You knew he was Steve’s best friend way before he was the Winter Soldier and way before he was this–essentially an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. You knew things about him that Steve told you, that you weren’t sure if he’d ever tell you himself. You knew he wanted to be a scientist in the 40s, but he saw Sergeant as the best way to help his country at the time. You knew how much he always cared for the little guy, a quality so deeply ingrained in yourself that you immediately adored in him. You knew of his struggles with coming to terms with his past as a HYDRA pawn, and in fact, you had helped engineer the very suit he wore on most assignments. Your fates were considerably more intertwined than you had ever realized. 

Once he had fully come through the panic attack, heart in your throat, you finally admitted. “I’m a friend of Steve’s. Erm, at least, I was,” you corrected. The worst timing. You had no business dumping that on him after what just happened, but something told you you needed to blurt it out. That it would help. 

At that, you heard a deep chuckle. You looked up to see Bucky full out-laughing and the sight had you biting your lip to keep away your own smile. He was so free when he was laughing, all of his teeth were out and his eyes crinkled in a way that drew at your heart-strings. So young. He laughed with his whole chest.

“I don’t see what’s so funny,” you said, smiling.

Bucky shook his head, still beaming, “It’s nothing. Well, actually, it means a lot. It’s just funny. It makes perfect sense. Of course, of course, Rogers, you little bastard.”

“What makes sense?” you pushed as he stood up, pulling you up with him. 

He caged you in against the wall, chewing his lip, “It just makes sense that Steve would know exactly what I like.” He was deep red at the admission, but you were still processing, your mind slightly fuzzy from your view, his arms on either side of your head and his face inches from yours. He was going to kiss you. You could almost taste his breath when his eyes widened and he flinched away, realizing. 

Bucky apologized, stepping back, “I’m-I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. I’m not a creep, I promise, I’ve just seen you around on the train and I’ve seen the way you talk to the kid and to Delmar and I have to admit I’ve grown a little sweet on ya, but I-I understand if–”

He didn’t get the chance to get through anymore because you had pulled him by his jacket, crashing your lips against his, hands immediately reaching for his hair. 

He gasped in surprise, an mmph! making its way past his lips and into yours, but he quickly recovered, hands dropping to your waist and his lips bruising yours. The kisses were hungry, rushed, Bucky taking your lower lip between his only to bite down on the plump skin softly. 

You whimpered, letting your tongues envelop each other, reaching, longing, craving something more. 

Bucky pulled away, pupils blown, lips swollen red, his face utterly wrecked. You found that you wished he could always look like that, as long as it was because of you. “Wait, wait, wait. I don’t-” He smiled all crooked,, “I don’t even know your name, doll.”

You laughed, trailing your nose against his, “You can call me whatever you want if you keep kissing me like that.”

Bucky chuckled, pressing a kiss to your neck, whispering against the skin there, “Oh, I plan on it.”

You didn’t know where all of this boldness came from, but you loved it on him. “It’s y/n.”

Bucky hummed, “y/n.” It rolled off of his lips as he tasted it, testing how it felt. He lifted your legs around his waist and pushed you further into the wall. “It’s perfect.”

Your hands roamed across his torso, over the layers of kevlar as he captured your lips with his again. Your breaths were visible as you panted between kisses, both of you flushed a deep red from the cold air. 

He pushed against you at just the right spot, causing the perfect sort of friction and you gasped, before moaning, “_Oh! _Bucky…”

“Shit, say my name like that again, sweetheart, and I’ll take you right here.”

You felt so far from reality then. Your boss would be a little upset but what did it matter? You were on time every day of your life. You had clung to routine for so long out of a need for an anchor from all of the chaos of this world that you had forgotten what it was like to do something spontaneous, to live, to love. While you were nowhere near loving this man, you felt it somehow only a matter of time that you ended up here, with him. He was Steve’s childhood friend. He worked at S.H.I.E.L.D. He took the bloody B train. You were bound to meet him. Something told you that you were meant to act on only your heart now, your heart which Bucky had touched so deeply without you even realizing it. He saw you. He saw your kindness. While you never did any good deed for attention, being seen for it was utterly validating. In this world, constantly making the right decision took a toll, and this was a reminder that it was worth it in the end. The right people would see it. Your choices, however small, did matter. Your empathy was your most prized possession and you would be damned if you’d let go of someone who saw that so clearly from just the morning fucking train.

Cloudy and dazed, you wrapped your legs around Bucky tighter. “Fuck it, what’s stopping you?”

Bucky’s laughed nervously, “Wait, you’re serious?”

You raised a brow, “What? Can’t handle it, Sarg?”

You could tell he liked that as he bit his lip, eyes hooded. “Oh, I think I can handle you, doll.”

You leaned into his ear, whispering, “Prove it.”

He huffed, hand around your neck as he slotted his mouth over yours, once again kissing you dizzy.

Hands tight on your hips and nearly bruising you, he moved his lips to your neck first, and then your collarbone, tongue and teeth working together to work you up so much you weren’t sure he even needed to touch you for you to climax right there. 

You had a moment then. Again, rethinking everything. That was kind of your secret special power, after all. You all of a sudden saw a future. There was something so intimate about every interaction with this man, and while you never judged anyone for jumping into sex with someone, you weren’t sure it was the best way for you to start something that could be important to you, not with you being a flight-risk and constantly anxious. 

You slowed your breath and put your hand on his jaw, thumbing his cheekbone, something you only felt unafraid to do while his eyes were still on your neck. When his eyes met yours, you withdrew, holding your wrist in your other hand, close to your chest. He recognized the lack of surety in your gaze, softly dropping your legs to the ground as you steadied yourself with your hands on the wall behind you. He gave you a second, both of you catching your breaths before he quietly asked, “Everything okay?” 

It still felt as steamy as before, your eyes kept meeting and leaving, your pants visible in the cool air, lips swollen, plump, and a luscious pink, only centimeters away from each other, but there was also a comfortable air of quiet. There were no expectations, only patience. 

You picked at the fabric of your collar, looking at his face, eyebrows furrowed in worry. “I just,” you chuckled, “I just realized I kinda want to take you out first, Sarg.” You smiled a little, “Just you know, to make sure you can handle it and all that.” 

Bucky laughed, eyes crinkling as he lifted your chin with his thumb, “You’re gonna make me prove it, doll?”

“If you don’t mind,” you whispered, jutting your chin out even more.

He licked his lips, a sort of excited challenge igniting in his eyes, “Nothing would make me happier.” 

[talkbycolor]

red lipstick

A/N; this is actually wholesome, btw i felt very gay when combining the colors because i wanted to make it all orange or all blue but then i thought that wouldn't be equitable and i wanted to give them love equally

Pairing; "Keith/Tenebris" x GN!Reader

CW; very fluff actually, love for keith and tenebris as it should / kinda has spoilers LOL

Ah, young love, so fresh, the romance, the heart beating strongly, the stolen glances, the heavy sighs. The murder, the blood boiling when you notice how someone takes an unpleasant interest in your loved one.

The courtship with Keith and Tenebris was adorable, since you were able to properly meet them things have only gotten better, going out on romantic dates, overnight getaways, and sleepovers.

Although at first it was a bit complicated to… organize times, so to speak, you wanted to spend as much time with Keith as with Tenebris, you adored both of them and you didn't want either of them to feel out of place.

Right now it was just 5 PM, you were about to have a date with your boyfriends! The emotion was so palpable, your style used to vary constantly so once Keith arrived at your home he couldn't help but be surprised, again, you were wearing a different lipstick, your lips shined in carmine just like his face.

"You look exceptional this afternoon" He complimented you, but he didn't come over to kiss you like he did every time he picked you up for a date.

But that didn't mean anything, right? It doesn't matter.

You both went to his favorite place, the place where the bitch waitress you murdered used to work, the food was delicious and you even dared to order a dish outside your comfort zone. The dinner passed calmly, you could chat with Keith, and at times there was a glimpse of blue spots on his skin, Tenebris was also part of the conversation, seeing your boyfriend's disfigured face where they were both trying to be present was complicated, but a greatly appreciated effort for you.

The bright glances they shared caused your heart to bubble, so you moved closer to lock your lips in a kiss.

A kiss that never came.

"Huh? Keith? Tenebris?" Your confused and sad voice came out of your mouth, causing the boys to panic. "Why don't you kiss me?" You finally asked, so it wasn't your imagination, they were avoiding your lips.

Keith immediately tried to explain. "N-no, no! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that, I do want to kiss you, but I didn't want to ruin your makeup-…" And you interrupted him with a kiss.

"You're a fool, but a very adorable one." You kissed his lips again, a loud and tender kiss. "That's exactly why I put on lipstick, to kiss you" You spoke boldly before launching into filling your partner's face with kisses.

Kisses that were no longer rejected.

You both decided to return to your love nest at home, now snuggled up and comfortable in bed, your bodies so close together as you sat on his lap to spread sweet kisses all over his face, lovingly caressing his jaw while he ran his hands along your hips.

It was a special and intimate moment where you could see the evidence of your love staining his face in shades of red.

"I love you" He spoke softly, his voice a little distorted because it was difficult to tell if it was Keith or Tenebris who said it, but does that matter? No, they both loved you and loved being with someone who accepted them. "Gosh, I love you so much, thank you for being with me, us."

"Thank you for not running away," Tenebris commented, making you laugh, although his comment was serious and not a joke.

"I love you so much" You whispered as you placed a kiss on his forehead, leaving the mark of your red lips on his skin.

You even decided to touch up the lipstick, there was something so satisfying about smearing each other with lipstick that made you so happy and obviously the boys too, that strange smile gave it away.

Your partner leaned his back against the mattress to be more comfortable, your body still on top of him was not a bother. Your lips left sleepy kisses on his lips.

"We can't sleep like this, sleeping with makeup on is bad" You mentioned out of nowhere, causing a small laugh from the boy.

"Then let's get cleaned up, then we'll go back to bed and you'll keep kissing me until I fall asleep."

It was already late and your body was too relaxed with the natural scent of Keith's body to get up, but you still both stood up to find your makeup remover. Once ready you returned to the bed, where your bodies stuck together like leeches once again and you received a passionate kiss from Tenebris.

"I know it's late but… can we kiss some more?"

"Of course, love"

♡

[moonyasnow]

Brief Guide to Briar Valley Fashion

[ for the purposes of this post I'll be ignoring the 'they can just magic the clothes from thin air' argument because that's boring and doesn't let me infodump about historical clothing materials ]

Hey you!

🫵

Do you want to dress (or draw your OCs dressing) like you're from Briar Valley, but also don't wanna just 100% copy one of the in-game outfits? Well you're in luck, because I made a chart thing about it to show you how to copy the style!

[ TL;DR: be a billionaire ]

SO yeah, here are all the common design elements I've been able to spot in the fashion, from what we can see of the few designs we've gotten

First off I'm gonna share what a potential Briar Valley design COULD end up looking like— a more high-end dress, at least

I don't share W.I.Ps on my blog like…EVER, but this once, as a special treat, I'm gonna share this wedding dress I've been working on for my OC Irina

I am NOT done with the colors yet— this is just my 'first draft' of what I'd want the colors to look like

This was my biggest inspiration:

A dress here illustrated to apparently have been worn by Catherine De Medici

Catherine de Medici is in the right time period, though this illustration does also look to be Victorian, so take it with a grain of salt if you're just judging historical accuracy— but it certainly gets the vibe across. For more references I recommend going to the Wikipedia list of 'Henry the 2nd of France' going to the 'Children' section, and pasting one of their names + 'portrait' into google

And keep in mind that this is just what nobility would wear. So if you wanna design something more commoner-y, I recommend looking at what French peasants wore around the 1500s, since fashion for common people didn't tend to change as quickly back then as it does now.

And for color, I recommend the sort of moss green you see Lilia and Baul wear.

I wouldn't recommend black though if you're going for accuracy, since pure black was also quite expensive to color something back in the day— it was less expensive with a dark shade of another color, like quite dark blue, or dark red, or green, or even brown.

Another two for Veronica— though theses ones are more in the 'inspired by' section, and more ENGLISH late 1500s than French

Now onto the 'Moony yaps about some random obscure knowledge they have on a niche topic' part of the post

If you seriously wanted to dress like you're from Briar Valley I hope you have a MASSIVE bank account because this is going to COST YOU.

Now, contrary to what I myself expected, velvet isn't actually all THAT expensive— at least compared to the other materials I outlined in the image.

But don't be fooled, this is NOT because velvet is just not that expensive.

The other materials are just somehow way more expensive.

Now. The biggest reason for that would be the color purple.

Purple has always been the most expensive shade you can get ANYTHING in, because purple dye used to be stupid hard to actually acquire, due to how difficult it is to procure.

The color could only be procured from snails from the Mediterranean sea. First, they had to be harvested. And you'd need to harvest THOUSANDS for just one ounce of purple dye.

Then you'd need to remove the glands from the snails, and place them in a lead pot filled with brine, after which they were very slowly heated over a course of around ten days.

And this SMELLED. Smelled so bad, in fact, that the places which made the dyes had to be located downwind of cities.

And needle lace....

Is EXPENSIVE.

It requires someone to have strong, steady hands, but also small enough fingers to be the right size for the small needles used for this kind of lace.

So then…

PURPLE NEEDLE-LACE??

And pure blavk fabric!!! Back in the day, pure black was also quite hard to dye; it would be more common with a dark shade of some other color, like dark green, or dark blue, etc.

Maleanor is REALLY showing off her 'Queen' status here because if she were an actual renaissance ruler that would be worth an absolute fortune!

Purple anything and needle-lace are already difficult to make on their own. But put the two together and you'd need to make sure only the best of the best of craftsmen would be working with it, adding yet another layer of 'expensive'.

But yeah anyway.

Hope you found this useful/interesting!

Tagging @chillygourami since you seemed interested 👍

And @babyghoul138 bc VERONICA MENTION

[ilalos]

A lady’s plea (Benedict Bridgerton x reader) Blurb

Summary: You are set to be married to a horrible man and the only way to get out of it is to find a better bachelor that will impress your father, and who is better than Mr. Benedict Bridgerton the most elegible bachelor of the ton (after his older brother got married).

Warnings: Non-descriptive nudity, crying, talk of death.

Word count: 505

A/N: Hello! This a teeny tiny blurb about and idea I have been toying around with but I would like some feedback before fully diving into it (my anxiety is flaring up, sorry) So if you this it is interesting and have any predictions to how it could go I would appreciate it if you could tell me :) I do have a draft of the ending but I would still love to see what you think.

Benedict sat petrified in his brother’s office while he watched you, a respectable daughter of a lord, getting undressed until you were left in just your chemise as tears streamed down your face and your body trembled with little hiccups. He finally snapped out of his stupor when you began undoing your chemise, which would’ve left you completely naked in front of him.

“Please, stop” he placed a palm in front of his eyes as he said that “Get dressed, for heaven’s sake” That only seemed to make you sob harder.

“If you could please just look at me, sir” you pleaded “you’ll see that I’m not that bad to look at, a-and I can provide you with children and I can lead a household and I won’t even be bothered by you having a mistress and also our marriage wouldn’t be long, I was sickly as a child so I will probably die in childbirth l-l-like my mother did and you will get to keep the dowry” you fell on your knees and crawled until you could place your hands on his knees “I can’t marry lord Wilson, he has had 4 wife’s already and all have died terrible slow deaths, please!” You pleaded and let your head fall towards your chest while more sobs racked your body.

Benedict could not help the way his heart ached when seeing you in such a vulnerable state, naked and crying while sitting on the floor like a dog. He felt deep sorrow for you as he knew about lord Wilson and the rumors that surrounded him and his past marriages, people whispered that he was experimenting on them, some strange medicine he learned in a faraway land.

A knock on the door startled both of them and Anthony’s voice could be heard from behind the entranced asking if everything was okay.

“Don’t come in!” Shouted Benedict as he hurried to pick up your clothes.

“Benedict, it has been more than enough time for you to be with an unchaperoned lady, unless you want her reputation tainted and our mother to murder you, I suggest you let me and Kate in right now!” The eldest Bridgerton said and the lock was seen wiggling again.

“Just a moment, brother” Benedict was hastily tying your corset but it was proving to be a difficult task because you were still crying and being uncooperative.

“Benedict, we have the key, we’re coming in” announced Kate, and sure enough, the key was heard opening the door.

Time stood still for all four of them as Kate and Anthony took in the scene in front of them. You were half-dressed, bent over the couch crying and Benedict was holding the laces of your corset. Anthony’s face slowly started changing colors until there was a single shade of red from the top of his head to the top of his collar. Kate was quick to close the door just as her husband found his voice to shout.

“What on earth is going on here?!”

[e-dubbc11]

also also...

“Oh I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you worse than this, my love. Remember your last birthday before you got pregnant with the little miss? At one point, I had to make sure you were still alive.”

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 i forgot to comment about this but do tell, i love me a good tea

Hello my lovely friend! I loved coming up with the backstory for Billy’s comment! Thank you so so much for sending this to my inbox. I hope you like what I did here! 💚

Anything for You

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Tattoo Artist Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: Some swear words, alluding to smexy time but PG-13, pure fun, fluffy bunnies and unicorns, drinking

Word Count: 4.4K-ish

Summary: It’s your birthday and you told Billy you wanted to have a little fun doing something very nostalgic plus tacos and tequila

A/N: Part of The Sweetest Pain Series. Based on the above ask. Excerpt was from Son of the Sea. This one was a lot of fun to write, I hope you like it!

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

Green soap.

It was probably one of your favorite scents and there was always a hint of it on your husband’s clothes when he came home from his studio. But now, sitting in his tattoo chair, that strong aroma surrounded you while Billy, as gently as he could, slowly dragged the single needle across the skin on your arm.

He was outlining one of the snakes on your Medusa tattoo. You winced a little when the needle scratched the sensitive skin on the inside of your arm toward the pit, just below your shoulder. A devilish smile stretched across Billy’s face. You knew he not-so-secretly enjoyed it, making you clench your fist or when you bite down on your lower lip to deal with the pain from the long drags of the liner needle across your skin.

“That one tickled a little bit, huh baby.” He said with a sly smirk on his face.

Biting back a smile of your own, you replied, “I know you’re enjoying this Billy Russo.” Narrowing your eyes at him, you continued, “I know you just loooooove tattooing those sensitive spots to watch people’s faces, especially mine. And your smile gets even wider when it’s time for the white ink.”

Billy knew what you said was true. His eyes lit up with pure joy when it was time to put the white ink in. It always seemed to hurt more than any other color and since most of your tattoos were black and gray, there was a LOT of white ink in them.

The buzzing of Billy’s tattoo pen stopped and he paused to look up at you. He flashed that million-dollar smile which he knew full well what it did to you.

He gently brushed his gloved finger along your arm and softly said, “I know you can take it, sweet girl.”

He winked at you.

Heat rose to your cheeks and you started to blush. Billy always knew just what to say to make you turn every shade of red there was but you knew how to make him blush too.

“Are we still talking about the white ink, baby?” You asked, with a slight smirk.

Billy turned away from you briefly. You knew he was blushing which made you chuckle.

Ed #1 interrupted the two of you. “Uh, you guys know there are other people in the room too, right?”

“You say somethin’, Ed?” Billy asked sarcastically.

A loud laugh escaped your lips before you leaned into Billy and whispered in his ear, “Can we stop for a minute, handsome? I gotta pee.”

With a slight smile, he nodded, set his tattoo pen down, and took his gloves off. With the fan on in the bathroom, it was difficult to hear what they were all talking about out there but they were all smiles when you walked out.

“What are y’all smiling at?” You asked with narrowed eyes.

Billy replied, “We were just talking about your birthday.”

“My birthday? It’s not for three more weeks.” You said.

With a warm smile, Billy said, “The Ed’s just wanted to know what we were doin’ for your birthday. I told them you hadn’t decided what you wanted to do yet.”

A wide smile stretched across your lips as you walked back over to Billy’s tattoo chair.

“Ahhhhhh ok, well when I do figure out what I wanna do, you guys will be the first ones to know.” You said.

Billy had been asking you what you wanted to do for your birthday for the past month or so. He was a planner and he said he just wanted to make sure that he had enough time to take care of everything.

You did have one idea in mind, you just hadn’t mentioned it to him yet.

**********

Later on that night, you rolled over in bed hoping to be warmed up by Billy’s body heat but his side of the bed was empty. You didn’t need to look very far to find him though. Over in the next room was where Billy went when he couldn’t sleep. He painted or worked on his drawings until the early morning hours, sometimes even until the sun began to warm the sky.

You threw on his sweatshirt and tiptoed toward the next room.

“You know you can’t sneak up on me, sweet girl.” Said Billy.

Even though you could only see the back of his head, you could tell he was smiling. The commissioned painting he was working on had been keeping him awake for the past few weeks. The perfectionist in him always wanted to make sure that everything was just so; clients paid a lot of money for commissioned paintings so Billy made sure to give them exactly what they wanted.

“Oh I know, my love. I just love to watch you work, that’s all.” You replied, leaning against the doorframe and biting down on your lower lip.

His long skilled fingers held the brush firmly as it moved smoothly against the canvas. Billy had endless talent that begged to be seen and a talent that, hopefully one day, would be passed down to your children and that thought brought a smile to your face.

Billy put his paintbrush down and turned to face you, he gazed at you with his endless brown eyes and flashed his perfect smile at you which still gave you butterflies. He looked tired and there were faint purple shadows underneath his eyes. Billy didn’t sleep much and you desperately wanted to protect him from his nightmares but you couldn’t.

Those nightmares were one of the reasons he didn’t sleep very well and why he got up in the middle of the night to paint. The only thing you could do was to be there for him if he wanted to talk about it which wasn’t very often but he was getting better about it; you were his wife and there wasn’t anyone he trusted with his feelings more than you.

“You look sexy while you paint.” You said, shyly.

Billy snaked his long arms around your waist and gently touched his forehead to yours.

“Well I think you look sexy when you do anything, baby.” He said, glancing at you from head to toe.

“You’re delirious, Billy. You need some sleep.” You replied.

You had grabbed his hoodie on your way out of the bedroom to cover yourself. All you had on was a pair of very short shorts and a tank top, his hoodie covered your legs to about mid-thigh so it looked like you weren’t wearing anything underneath.

The sweatshirt hem slipped in between Billy’s fingers as he slowly lifted the sweatshirt away from your legs.

“Are you wearin’ anything underneath this, beautiful?” He asked as a devilish smile played across his lips.

Playfully slapping him on the shoulder, you replied, “Yes, I have shorts on, Billy. You know that.”

“That’s too bad. You always look perfect wearin’ my hoodie and nothin’ else.” He said with a wink.

Billy leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, gently at first but as you melted into his kiss, he parted your lips with his tongue so it could tangle and knot with yours. After unzipping the sweatshirt, his long agile fingers brushed the soft skin of your stomach.

Goosebumps peppered across your body when you felt his hand dip below your waistband and touch the wet spot on your panties. Warmth quickly spread across your cheeks and between your thighs as a soft moan escaped your lips while his strong hands caressed your body.

You could taste the peppermint on his lips and faintly smell the green soap left on his black t-shirt as your fingers glided through his ink like hair. Billy had pulled you flush to him, squeezing your body tightly against his like he was scared to let you go and you embraced him firmly in return, silently telling him that you were real and you weren’t going anywhere.

You were his.

The hoodie fell to the floor after he had pushed it off of your shoulders. Looking up at him through your long dark lashes, you smiled warmly at first but then narrowed your eyes and said, “I thought you were painting tonight, lieutenant.”

With a devilish smirk, Billy replied, “I think I’d rather paint you, baby…with my tongue.”

Covering your eyes in embarrassment, you let out a chuckle and replied, “Well I might be agreeable to that, my love.”

Suddenly his hands were under your ass and he picked you up with ease. With your legs wrapped around his waist, he started to carry you off to bed when you mentioned, “Don’t you have to clean up first, Billy?!”

He only had one word to say in response.

“Later…”

**********

The Next Morning

You could feel the peaceful murmur of his heart steadily beating inside his chest as he slept. Billy doesn’t usually sleep in. Most of the time he’s awake before you are and you normally find him drinking his coffee at the breakfast bar but not today. On this rare morning, you just watched him sleep and tried not to move so you wouldn’t disturb him.

Billy shifted slightly underneath the arm you had resting on his chest. He inhaled sharply then let out a deep yawn before snaking his arm around you.

“Good mornin’, beautiful. I guess I slept in. That’s your fault though…you wore me out.” Said Billy, kissing the top of your head and rubbing his eyes with his other hand.

With a shocked look on your face, you lifted your head slightly so you were resting your chin on top of the hand that was placed against his chest.

“Oh I wore YOU out?!! I slept in too, soldier!” You exclaimed with a wide smile.

His sly grin stretched from ear to ear and he winked at you as he replied, “There’s my little firecracker. I’ll go make some coffee.”

As he rolled over you, his lips collided with yours and you gently brushed his beard with your thumb. Propping up your head with your hand, you carefully watched Billy as he slipped on his black sweats. Your handsome husband had a lean, toned body and his tattoo sleeve was just as impressive today as the first time you saw it.

He’d catch you staring at it all the time. You couldn’t help it.

“I think I know what I wanna do for my birthday, Billy.” You said, still staring at him and biting down on your lower lip.

“Oh yeah?” Said Billy. His dark eyes shone in the early morning sunshine spilling in through the window. “Well come tell me over coffee, sweet girl.”

Billy sat at the breakfast bar while you stood in front of the stove cooking some eggs, a smile stretched across your face as you looked over your shoulder at his face when he asked in a confused tone, “an arcade?”

You continued to push the eggs around in the pan.

“Yeah! This place has old arcade games and pinball machines!” You said excitedly. “Plus, it’s a bar too. Oh and I’d also like tacos and a little tequila, please.”

He raised a finger to point at you.

“So aside from the tequila, you want an 8-year old’s birthday party.” He joked.

You started to hand him his plate of eggs but pulled them back toward you when he made his smart ass comment.

“Are you making fun of me, Mr. Russo? Cuz if you are, I can throw these eggs right in the trash and no breakfast for you.” You said.

“All right, all right my little firecracker, you’re feisty this morning. I’m teasin’ ya. Don’t go throwin’ away perfectly good scrambled eggs. I don’t know what you do to them to make them taste that good but they are pretty amazing. So yes, I will take care of your birthday party arrangements, just lemme know who you’re inviting.” Said Billy.

You handed Billy his plate of eggs through the breakfast bar window and walked around to the other side, kissed him on the cheek, and asked, “Really? You’d do that for me, Billy?”

“I’d do anything for you, sweet girl. I love you.” He said after swallowing a mouthful of eggs. “God, these are good!” He exclaimed as he took another bite.

You smiled and kissed his cheek again.

“Cream cheese and chives, my love. Those are my secret ingredients.” You said with a warm smile. “And I love you too. Don’t forget to tell the Ed’s first.”

Three Weeks Later

Billy spoiled you on your actual birthday. On his way home from the studio, he stopped to buy you flowers, a calzone from your favorite pizza place, and cupcakes from your favorite bakery. The men from your past relationships never were as considerate or as sweet as Billy. You never expected fancy dates or gifts; you just wanted them to try but they never did.

“I know it’s not much but…” Said Billy.

You interrupted him.

“Not much? It’s perfect, my love. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Thank you!” You said, as you snaked your arms around his neck and pulled him in closer for a kiss.

“Happy Birthday, my little firecracker. You ready for your party this weekend?” He asked.

A wide smile stretched across your lips as you replied, “YES!! I’m very excited! Where are we going for tacos?”

“I made a reservation for all of us at that place on Hope Street. De Mole, I think it’s called. I think, I THINK they have the requirements you asked for.” Billy said sarcastically.

You narrowed your eyes at him and folded your arms protectively across your chest. “I’m not sure I like your tone, lieutenant.” You joked. “Careful, or I’ll eat both cupcakes that are in that box.”

“How do you know there are two in there?” He asked, flashing you a sly side smile.

You started to laugh.

“You think I don’t know you, Billy Russo? Like you would come home with just ONE cupcake.” You said, still laughing.

“Well, you got me. There ARE two in there.” He said, sounding slightly defeated.

Pointing a finger at him, you said “AHA! I knew it! Hey, if you ever sleeve your other arm you can just have all of your favorite sweets tattooed on you.”

Billy lowered his voice to barely more than a whisper and purred into your ear, “My all-time favorite is you, sweet girl. You really are the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted.”

He always knew exactly what to say to have you fall apart with just the sound of his voice. At times you still couldn’t believe he was all yours, a friend that had turned into everything you had ever wanted in a relationship and so much more…and you were the same for him.

Billy was someone you could laugh with and tell all of your worries to. You were the one person besides Frank that he felt like he could talk to about his mother; he never had the comfortability with anyone to be able to do that with before you. And more than anything, you loved to see him smile.

He wasn’t perfect but he was perfect for you.

“You can taste me later, handsome. I want my calzone and cupcake.” You whispered back, the bristles of his beard tickled your lips as you kissed him on the cheek.

Billy smiled his million-dollar smile at you and said, “Whatever you want, my love. It’s your birthday.”

**********

The food and drinks at de Mole were delicious. There was crispy calamari with jalapeno aioli, roasted tomato sauce and corn relish. The spicy margaritas and your favorite, Baja fish tacos, were the perfect combination of heat and flavor. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves so far.

“You gotta do a shot. It’s your birthday, kid!” Said Frank as he dropped a shot of tequila down in front of you.

Staring at the shot glass nervously, you replied, “I dunno Frank, I’m not 21 anymore. I don’t recover as fast as I used to.”

“One shot ain’t gonna kill ya, sweetheart. Besides, Bill’s drivin’.” Frank stated.

After sprinkling some salt on the back of your hand, you downed the shot of tequila and took a bite of a lemon wedge.

“Woo! Oh it burns! It’s been a minute since I’ve done this, Frank!” You exclaimed, squinting your eyes and pursing your lips.

A wide sly smile stretched across Frank’s lips and he replied, “Atta girl! Let’s go play some video games, yeah?”

Billy had booked a private party for you and everyone at Barcade. Everyone that worked at the tattoo studio came, Ed #1, Ed #2, Andy, and Shortcake, along with Frank, Maria, and two of your really good friends, Danielle and Jessie.

It really was like being a kid again, hearing all the noises from the different machines and games throughout the bar. The unmistakable sounds of pinball flippers, the rolling of the metal ball, flashing lights and the ringing of the bells each time the ball was struck.

Familiar phrases like “FINISH HIM!” and “Flawless Victory” could be heard coming from the Mortal Kombat II machine where the Eds were talking shit to each other. You overheard the revving of engines and screeching tires coming from the Daytona USA game.

Frank and Maria were racing each other while Billy practiced his target shooting on Quick & Crash. It was a fast draw shooting gallery game and it wasn’t a surprise to you that Billy got the highest score. They put his name up on the chalkboard with all the other high scorers. He was a little proud of himself like “I still got it.”

“You havin’ a good time, sweet girl?” Billy asked, snaking his long arms around your waist.

Excitedly, you replied, “Oh I am, baby! I’m having SO much fun! Thank you for doing this for me.”

“I told you, I’d do anything for you my love.” He said, leaning in and capturing your lips in a soft kiss.

Licking his bottom lip, you could tell he tasted the tequila on yours.

“Frankie gave you another shot of tequila, didn’t he.” He said with a slight smile.

You were feeling a little tipsy and started to giggle.

“Maybe.” You replied. “Come on! Let’s go race!”

Billy laughed. “Hey, you’ve been drinking. You can’t drive.” He joked, chasing after you to the racecar game.

“We’ve all been drinkin’! Come onnnnnnn!” You yelled.

He won by a nose.

You made sure to hang out with everyone and thank them for coming out for your birthday. It felt really nice to be surrounded by people who really cared about you but no one enjoyed watching you have fun more than Billy did. Every time you turned around, his eyes were on you with a wide smile stretched across his lips so you’d blow him a kiss every time you caught him staring.

You were everything to him.

“How are you so good at this game?!!” Ed #2 shouted.

You replied, “Please, Street Fighter II was my favorite game growing up. You’re not gonna beat me!”

Frank interjected, “Alright, I’m playin’ winner. You ready to lose for the first time tonight, sweetheart?”

“I’m tellin’ ya Frankie, you’re not gonna beat her. She’s won against everyone tonight.” Said Billy, gently brushing the bristles of his beard.

“She hasn’t played me yet, Bill.” Said Frank.

He talked a big game but luck was not on his side. Frank lost and he lost miserably so his punishment was he had to do a shot of tequila but he also bought another one for you. Barcade had about 25 craft beers on tap to choose from so between the beer and the shots, you were feeling pretty good, maybe a little too good. You had tried to pace yourself but that last shot was probably one too many and you began to feel a little unsteady on your feet.

“Alright, my little firecracker, I think it’s time to call it a night. What do ya say?” Asked Billy.

Leaning into him, you replied, “I-I thhhhhhink y-you’re right, b-baby. L-let’s go h-home!”

Billy glared at Frank and said, “Thanks a lot, Frankie.”

“Ah, it’s her birthday. She’ll be alright.” Frank replied.

You said goodbye to everyone, thanked them all again for coming before Billy put you in the car. As he drove away from the curb, you waved and immediately leaned back to rest your head and closed your eyes.

“Stay awake, sweet girl. We don’t have that far of a drive. You have fun tonight?” He asked.

Billy figured if he kept you talking, that you wouldn’t fall asleep on the way home. A warm smile stretched across your lips as you reached to touch him on the shoulder before replying, “I d-did h-handsome, thank youuuuuu.”

Billy rested his hand on your thigh as he always did when he was driving.

“I love you, Billy. Thank you again for my party.” You said softly.

“I love you too, beautiful.” He whispered. “We’re almost home, you gonna make it?”

“I’ll make it.” You said.

Getting out of the car and the elevator ride up to your apartment were uneventful. But as soon as Billy unlocked the door, you ran for the bathroom. At least you made it home first before getting sick. After taking off his jacket and putting his keys away, Billy came into the bathroom to make sure you were alright.

He helped hold your hair back and checked to see if your sleeves were rolled up. The sides of the bowl felt cool against your wrists while everything you had that night came up and out.

Never again with the tequila. Just say “no” to Frank.

The bathroom floor felt nice and cool against your skin, the room wasn’t spinning when your cheek was resting against the tiled floor so that’s where you wanted to stay but Billy didn’t want you sleeping there.

“Sweet girl, you can’t stay on the floor all night.” He said.

Joking around, you replied, “Sure I can, it’s nice and cool down here. Just forward all my mail here, I’ll be fine.”

“Even tequila drunk, you make me laugh, baby.” Billy chuckled, shaking his head. “Come on, you’re goin’ to bed.”

He did his best to make you comfortable by helping you put on one of his old marines t-shirts that you loved to sleep in so much. He also left some Gatorade and pain reliever on your bedside table.

You must not have moved much for the rest of the night because you woke up in the same position you fell asleep in as the sunlight danced across your face. Billy was sitting straight up in bed, his arm draped over you, his chin to his chest until he felt you move which startled him awake.

“It’s ok, Billy…it’s ok. It’s just me. Ow…” You said softly, pinching the bridge of your nose trying to ease your headache pain. “You slept like that all night?”

He blinked his eyes a few times, looked down at you and smiled.

“Well I cleaned up the bathroom so not ALL night. Wasn’t too bad. It smells like green soap in there now, your favorite.” He winked. “And of course, I had to make sure you were ok while you were sleeping.” Said Billy.

You returned a smile and replied, “That’s so sweet of you, baby. It’s not my first drunken night but I love you for watching over me.” You paused for a brief moment. “Ya know, I realized something last night.”

“What’s that, my love?” Asked Billy.

“I realized that you probably never played video games like that when you were young, huh?” You said.

“Nah, we didn’t have regular field trips to the arcade, if that’s what ya mean and we certainly didn’t have any video games or pinball machines at the group home. So, you’re right, baby. I didn’t do stuff like that when I was a kid. It’s ok though.” He said in a low voice, shaking his head.

Tears stung the back of your eyes. “I’m sorry, Billy. I’m so sorry you never really got to do normal kid things. Even though my childhood was exactly the greatest, there were some highlights and good times. I’d give anything for you to have happy memories like that.” You said as a tear streaked down your cheek.

“Y/n, sweet girl, it’s ok because I have happy memories NOW.” Billy said.

His words made you cry even harder but they were happy tears. Being married to Billy wasn’t always easy but it never was just one-sided either. You were the one that was always giving in your past relationships, but this was the first one where he gave just as much as you did.

“I love you.” You whispered as you gazed up at him through your lashes that were wet with tears.

“I love you too, baby…Come here and let me see those beautiful eyes a little better.” He said.

Slowly sitting up in bed and being careful not to move too quickly because of your headache, you straddled him and softly brushed the bristles of his beard with your thumbs.

“Oh I imagine they’re really red at the moment, my love.” You replied, a little embarrassed.

Billy didn’t care. He still looked at you like you were the only woman in the world. The slight lines around his eyes made him look even more handsome, if that was even possible. He was happy and seeing him smile always made him more attractive.

He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to yours.

“Nah, they’re not too bad. That just means you had a really good time.” Joked Billy.

That made you laugh.

“Oh is that what that means?” You said, biting back a smile.

Billy laughed along with you and replied with a wink, “Yes, sweet girl. That’s exactly what it means.”

His wild dark brown hair had tumbled into his eyes so you pushed stray pieces away from his face as his warm hand grazed your cheek and he kissed you again.

“Thank you again, handsome. I had a great birthday.” You said with a kind smile.

Billy closed the gap between your bodies once again. He stopped short just before touching your lips with his, smiled, and whispered, “Anything for you.”

Tag List: @wheresthesunshinesblog @rafaelakelley @idaoftheburningmind @snowkestrel @fakehappy27 @music-indie-tv @fictional-hooman @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @celestialend @k-marzolf @nutmeg17 @rosaleenablack @vaguekayla @qu1etwolf @danzer8705 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @aoi-targaryen

Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @jvanilly @ittybxttykxttytxtty @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @russosafehaven @mrsbillyrusso

If you’d like to be added (or removed from) my tag list(s) for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but you didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again.

[nanawritesit]

SM Entertainment Girl Group Idol AU (fem!reader insert)

feel free to use this for shifting or as a fanfiction backstory! (just tag me if it’s the second one hehe)

disclaimer: the extra info sections aren’t all original ideas, many were found on pinterest/tiktok :) images aren’t mine either

tw: none that i’m aware of

Group Profile:

Group Name: Etoile (meaning star/ point of a star in French)

Members: 5 (5 points on a star)

Fandom: Starlight

Concept: Ethereal, Cosmic, Elegant

Debut Year: 2017 (between Red Velvet and Aespa)

Debut Song: “Constellations”

Debut Album Title: “5 Makes 1”

B-Sides: “Aries,” “Nebula,” “Orbit,” “Stardust,” and “Pisces”

Fandom/ Lightstick Color: Indigo and White (stars in the night sky)

Group Chant: All: “Twinkle twinkle!” Nabi: “Hi Starlight! It’s…” All: “Etoile!”

Members Profile:

Y/N: Oldest, Center/ Face of the Group, Main Vocalist, Speaks Korean, English, and Chinese

Cho Nabi: Leader, Lead Vocalist, Korean, Speaks Korean, English, Chinese, and Japanese

Marie Tang: Main Dancer, Chinese-American, Speaks Korean, English, and Chinese

Han Iseul: Visual, Lead Dancer, Korean, Speaks Korean

Ikeda Kaori: Maknae, Main Rapper, Japanese, Speaks Korean and Japanese

Extra Info about the Group:

Pre-debut, Etoile released a cover of Girls Generation’s “Genie,” and it blew up so fast that fans couldn’t wait for them to debut

Etoile is known as “the bridge between third and fourth generation” in the kpop community

The members are also known as “the princesses of SM”

Etoile does a lot of variety shows because everyone loves the members’ funny personalities and playful group dynamic

Etoile was featured in a popular kdrama as themselves, though they only had a few lines in a couple episodes, it became a fan favorite and made the ratings sky-rocket

Etoile’s second comeback, “Andromeda,” is said to have one of the most difficult girl group choreographies in kpop. It was also the song that got them their first win

When Etoile got their first win with “Andromeda,” all of the girls were crying hysterically, including Nabi who was supposed to give the speech. She ended up handing the mic to Y/N, who had just been smiling happily the whole time. Y/N pulled Nabi into her arms as she gave the speech, and then the other three girls assembled a group hug around them. It became such a tender moment for Starlights that everyone watching started crying too

Etoile did a collaboration music video with Sailor Moon where all the members got to dress up as the sailor guardians. Y/N was Sailor Moon, Nabi was Sailor Mars, Marie was Sailor Mercury, Iseul was Sailor Venus, and Kaori was Sailor Jupiter

Etoile has their own plushie characters that are put on headbands and other merchandise for Starlight, similar to BT21 and Skzoo. Y/N’s is a white swan, Nabi’s is a blue butterfly, Marie’s is a black cat, Iseul’s is a pink puppy, and Kaori’s is a yellow duck

Etoile did a collab with “rom&nd,” a korean makeup brand, where each member got to create their own shade of lipstick. The five shades the members created sold out in just three minutes.

Etoile performed a cover of EXO’s “Growl” during one of their concerts in male school uniforms, and Starlights were so impressed by how cool and masculine they were

Being sandwiched between the two girl groups, Red Velvet and Aespa are like the older and younger sisters of Etoile (respectively.) The Red Velvet members are always checking in on them and giving them advice, and Etoile does the same thing for Aespa.

Starlight is famous for being one of the most loyal and devoted fandoms. They buy the girls billboards and food trucks for their birthdays, protect them from antis, and offer so much love and support.

The members have their own youtube channel called “Etoile Clubhouse” that they have permission to use freely. They post lots of different content, including challenges, games, song/dance covers, mukbangs, get ready with me/us videos, and q&a’s

Extra Info about Y/N:

Y/N is known as the loving mother of the group, while Nabi is more like a strict dad

Kaori was still in high school when she debuted, and Y/N took care of her like a mother would her daughter. She would wash and iron her uniform, prepare her breakfast and lunch, and help her with her homework every night. Kaori’s mother was so thankful, as she couldn’t do all this for her daughter herself, still living in Japan

While all the girls are close, Nabi and Y/N are best friends, they even have friendship bracelets

While Iseul is the visual because she fits the KBS the best, Y/N is the center/FOTG because her visuals match the group concept the best. She’s known for her “white swan” visuals: ethereal, graceful, and elegant.

Y/N and Iseul were also chosen as members of GOT the Beat

Y/N was the first member to have a solo debut in 2021. Her debut song was fittingly titled “White Swan.” Nabi helped her compose the songs, Marie helped her with the choreography, and Kaori had a rap feature on one of the tracks. Y/N performed it at the MAMA awards, and everyone was singing/dancing along to it so hard they almost forgot about the actual awards show!

Y/N is an ambassador for Dior and Chanel. Many brands were offering her deals after Etoile became popular due to her unique visuals, so she got to choose the ones she liked best

Y/N is known as the “OST Queen” of the group, she has sang many drama OSTs

Y/N’s best friends at the company include Yeri (Red Velvet,) Taeyong (NCT/SuperM,) Karina (Aespa,) and Ten (NCT/SuperM/WayV)

Y/N has had cameos in many different artists’ music videos, including Stray Kids, Enhypen, and NCT Dream

SHINee’s Key dubbed Y/N “SM’s secret weapon”

Y/N was part of a one-time collaboration unit with Dreamcatcher’s Dami, Weki Meki’s Doyeon, IZ*ONE’s Yena, and fromis_9’s Chaeyoung. They released a single called “Wild Mind,” and it was so popular that fans were advocating to start a new group with just these idols!

Y/N once dyed her hair indigo to match the fandom color, and fans started to dye their hair the same color to match her. The shade became known as “Y/N hair” on social media

Y/N and Marie were mentors on a Chinese idol training show, all the girls loved them because they were super helpful without being too tough. It also gained Etoile a lot of Chinese fans

Y/N has very impressive high notes, Starlights have made several youtube compilations with titles like “Y/N obliterating the sound barrier with her high notes for 5 minutes”

Y/N’s nickname from Starlight is “Angel Voice” due to her clear, bright voice

Y/N sang a cover of Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero” on Etoile Clubhouse, and Starlights tagged Taylor in it so much that she was shown the video in an interview. Taylor responded: “I’ve watched this video so many times! Her voice is so pretty. I met her once in Korea too, she’s so genuine and sweet! I’d love to collab with her, or Etoile as a whole. They seem so fun.”

Y/N was getting a lot of lip-synching rumors, until one day a staff member shared a video of her practicing before a concert with her mic on. It revealed her raw vocal talent and debunked all the rumors.

[moon-huny]

The Midnight Hour - ScareActor!Buggy

CW: My content is not for anyone under 18. Minors DNI. cursing, p in v sex, afab reader, choking, breath play, dom!Buggy, sub!Reader, edging, all that goofy sex stuff

Word Count: 5.2K

Summary: You and your closest friends visit the Halloween Horror Nights in your city to experience some new attractions. What happens when one of the actors catches your eye and you catch his?

A/N: Its still October 8th so I am technically not late. One quick thing. I was a scare actor for a few years, I have friends who do this professionally. Do Not! Under Any Circumstances! Go to haunts and act in sexually inappropriate ways to the actors. This story is a fantasy. It's not real. The actors at your local haunt might be playing characters, but they are still real human beings.

That being said, I know that for many people, their sexualities tend to *cough *cough awaken at haunts. This is just a very very hyper fantasized version of that. Be respectful to scare actors.

Happy Kinktober. Okay, that's all, enjoy.

Sequel Feel Your Power

“I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE,” a chorus of loud gasps fill the car as you and your friends prepare for the final belt of the song. “SOMEBODY’S WATCHING ME!”

As Rockwell plays out in Lete’s 2010 Subaru Forester, her girlfriend, Marnie, was already pressed against the window trying to get the best view of the theme park you all were about to enter.

“I see it! I see it!” exclaimed the red haired girl, tapping her finger into the glass of the window attempting to get Lete’s attention.

“No way, Mar? For real?” taunted the tall man beside you in the back seat. His hair was jet black and pin straight falling just atop his shoulders. He had dyed the ends green and he wore a face nearly full of piercings. 

“You’re telling me that the twenty-foot animatronic skeleton is where the theme park is?”

“Oh shut up, Caleb,” said Marnie with a sour face.

Tonight, your group of best friends talked you into buying tickets with them to the scariest haunted horror night in the state. After some convincing that lasted from mid-July until late-September, you finally agreed.

You wouldn’t say you were a horror fan, you weren’t opposed to a scary movie every now and then, but for the most part, horror just wasn’t your thing. The idea of walking around a fully decked out freak show with real life monsters waiting to scare you at every turn sounded about as fun as sleeping on needles.

“Alright, game plan, what attraction are we taking (y/n) to first?” said Blake. They were on the shorter side and had a bobbed hairstyle dyed a soft lavender color. Their eyes were their best feature and they always had some colorful eyeshadow shade applied over them – tonight it was burgundy.

“We won't be going anywhere until I find a place to park,” announced Lete, attempting to get the crew to hold their excitement until she found a good space.

“I’ll make a bet right now that by 11:00 p.m. all of you will be begging to go home,” said Caleb. He used to work at the theme park as a scare actor and knew all the ins and outs of the place. He also knew most of the actors who always had a difficult time scaring him.

“Fine, I’ll bet that,” said Marnie. “Loser has to make dinner for the whole group.”

“Deal,” replied Caleb confidently. “If you lose, you have to make haggis this weekend.”

“Dude, again?” said Blake. “Marnie just made that two nights ago.”

“Okay deal,” said Marnie. “If you lose, you have to make your yakitori recipe.”

“Counter, what about I make Ramen?”

“Nice try, Greenie, but you always make Ramen when it’s your turn to cook.”

“She’s right Caleb, it wouldn’t be much of a bet if you just made Ramen again.” Blake said, once again chiming in while scanning the rows of cars for a place for Lete to park the SubFor. “Oh! There Lee! Park there!”

“Thank you, finally! At least Bee is being helpful,” sighed Lete, cutting the wheel and pulling into the spot.

“Fine, Yakitori it is,” said Caleb, jumping out of the car and heading a straight-shot towards the entrance. 

Everyone spilled from the car, you shuffled out behind Blake.

“Hey, are you okay?” They said helping you down and shutting the door behind you. “You’re usually a lot more chatty, what’s up?”

“Oh yea, no I’m fine,” you said, smoothing out your cotton mini skirt and thanking yourself for wearing a leather jacket over your light low cut sweater. The day’s might still be warm, but with fall already making itself at home, nights were getting colder.

“I’ve just never been to a horror night before and, with the way Caleb described it, it's going to be a little more than my neighbor's haunted house.”

“Well, we all want you to have fun but, if you get spooked and wanna leave, just let me know,” said Blake. “Either way we’ll be getting a great meal out of it.”

Both of you continued your walk just behind your more energetic counterparts. Poor Lete was being dragged by Marnie, her long inky black braids swaying behind her as she struggled to keep pace with her fiery girlfriend. Caleb, of course, leading the charge inside, already smooth talking the ticket counter girls.

“The others will just have to suck it up and come another night,” Blake continued. “With Caleb knowing everyone he does, I am sure that getting tickets won’t be difficult.”

“Thanks, Bee,” you said, your eyes slowly scanning up the absurdly large skeleton making a labored waving motion beckoning you to a night of fun.

:･ﾟ✧:���.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:

“Okay, Ash and Mads just told me that this year, there is a new haunted house,” said Caleb, walking backwards into the park. “It’s pirate clown themed.”

“What, did they have trouble deciding?” said Lete scanning the map of the park in her hands. Suddenly, a man large enough to throw Lete across a football field, ran up from behind her swinging a chainsaw and revving the motor.

She and Marnie both started screaming, grabbing onto one another and backing away from the terrifying overall-clad actor.

You’d be lying if you said that it didn’t scare you too. Though, since entering the park, you heightened your senses making sure to pay attention to every detail around you worried you might become the target of scares. Yet, the slight shock you felt when the actor loomed over you sent a tug straight to the pit of your stomach, an action you explained a way but one you’d fall victim to all too soon.

Caleb threw his head back and laughed, high-fiving the actor as he continued on his way, running up to small groups with his loud gardening tool. There were other grounds-keeper themed actors walking the park. All of them had different tools – like shovels and scythes – some were covered in dirt with flowers and branches growing out of their skin, copious amounts of fake blood covered them all.

“I think pirate clowns sound fun,” said Blake who was seemingly unfazed by nearly every scare. When asked how they are able to maintain such a calm demeanor, they simply said that the artistry distracts them from their fear. 

“Then pirate clowns it is!” Announced the green haired man, turning around with a flourish and leading the group in the direction. Lete had long since abandoned her map duties for fear that a distraction would make her an easy target yet again.

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.

You and your group of friends stood among twenty or so other people in front of one of the most elaborate haunted house set ups you’d ever seen. A marginally sized big top tent sat next to a massive reconstruction of a pirate ship. The tent opened up onto a small center ring filled with actors role playing their different acts. All of the different characters wore clothing that mixed both circus and pirate themed garb.

“God, I love funding the arts,” Caleb said, running inside the tent giddy with excitement at an attraction he clearly hadn’t experienced before.

Clowns threw knives at targets, an animal tamer with skeletal makeup cracked his whip at an animatronic seal skeleton, the acrobats swung around the ceiling tossing foam body parts and pirate scabbards back and forth to one another.

The whole thing was a spectacle. The circus tent itself was merely a themed waiting room. The actual haunted house wound through the hull of the ship, up onto the main deck and back down the other side.

Grabbing a seat on the first row, you sat and watched the show. Eventually, after doing bits with the different actors, carrying on spooky conversations and having overall fun interaction with the different characters around you, you heard shouting from off stage.

“NO NO NO, IT’S ALL WRONG!” said a man clearly dressed to be the captain of the imaginary pirate crew. “Spotlight was late, you completely missed my entrance. And where oh where was the dancing lion?”

As the clown captain approached one of the crew members, he pulled a knife and spun the animal tamer around, “slicing” his throat and sending the actor crumpling to the floor.

“I bet that was so fun to choreograph,” whispered Caleb most likely already clued in to how they were able to pull off such a convincing execution through the magic of theater.

“I just want to know who did the costume design,” Blake whispered back. “The story telling through the clothing and makeup is brilliant.”

“Would you two shut it!” Lete and Marnie said in unison at a hushed volume so as not to draw attention.

You, on the other hand, were stone still. You were unabashedly attracted, no, aroused by the captain. He was gorgeous. Eyes liked you’d never seen and a demeanor that drew the entire room into the palm of his hand. Everyone watched as he paced around the ring, leering at each and every audience member. 

He then directed his attention to you from across the room, your eyes blew wide. In the faint lighting he noticed just how on edge you were. If there was one thing he loved, it was scaring little newcomers like you. The way heartbeats would quicken, eyes would become filled with fear and the screams he could pull from people, that feeling was almost euphoric.

Almost better than sex. 

“Ghouls, Ghosts and Freaks of all ages,” he began in a gradios fashion. “I welcome you to the worst night of your life.”

He made his way to the center of the ring, a singular center spotlight shone down on him.

“As my hostages, it’s only right that my pirate crew take you aboard my ship to see if you can live to tell the tale. I’m Buggy, Buggy the Clown. Buggy, the flashy fool! Buggy, the genius jester!”

He glanced over his shoulder and saw you staring. His eyes roamed over you. God, aren’t you gonna be fun he thought to himself. Then spoke almost directly at your now very self continuous position, “Welcome Aboard.”

Allowing his gaze to linger in your direction and successfully making eye contact, he smirked. That was the last you saw of him as he disappeared behind the curtain and prepared to lie in wait.

Marnie turned to you, “Hey, (y/n), do you know that clown guy?”

“Oh ho ho, she’s about to,” laughed Caleb with a knowing look on his face.

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.

Your small group got up to get on the ship first. The attraction followed a simple one way hallway system that, according to Caleb, would be littered with actors waiting to scare each and every one of them.

What you didn’t know was that after the first minute or so inside, dividers would drop from the ceiling above and divide the room to surprisingly separate into different hallways, sending you all on completely different paths.

Blake and Marnie were sent one direction, Caleb and Lete in another and you were left all alone – or so you thought.

Walking down the halls of the spooky ship, you encountered absolutely no actors or any people at all. The different colored lights reflected in the ship. Shades of red, purple, blue, and the occasional green light directed your path through the ship’s hull. It wasn’t until you reached a particularly narrow hallway bathed in red light that you all of a sudden felt a presence behind you. You froze in fear.

“Hmm, seems a little mouse scurried onto my ship,” said the all too familiar voice.

In the dark hallway alone, in a place you didn’t recognize, with a man you didn’t know, you should be more than terrified. And you were, you really were, but you were also filled with the most uncontrollable desire. How on earth could you let him know that you felt this way? The embarrassment you’d feel would probably kill you.

“So … little mouse,” he began slowly stalking around you, not touching, never touching. 

Though it would feed his ego to have you squirm in fear beneath him, touching you was so against the rules it wasn’t even funny.

“Is my ship scary? Do I make you nervous?”

He leaned down slightly to get in your face. The tactic was one he was used to using on guests that were so clearly new to these experiences. Start small, lull the prey into a false sense of security, then pounce. Sometimes he wondered what was wrong with him, sometimes.

Getting closer to you now, he couldn’t deny that you were cute, he could tear you apart in your little skirt. Shit, coupled with that neckline? You might as well have begged him to look at your tits.

But the sweet and innocent expression plastered on your face? That was what was doing it for him. He’d seen it before, you were expecting him to take it easy on you – yeah right, in your dreams he’ll rip into you like a wolf on a basket toting little girl.

“Oh don’t worry my sweet girl,” he said in a low voice as he continued to move forward into your space causing you to back up slowly. 

“What do you say, we spend a little time together.”

With a much harsher tone he used his presence to back you against one of the walls of the enclosed space. When your back hit the wooden plank wall of the ship's hull, you made a sound the captain sure as hell didn’t expect.

It wasn’t a scream, or a cry for help, or even a laugh at the absurdity of it all like he was used to – it was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. The little breathy moan that left your lips when your body hit the wall made his cock twitch.

“Holy fuck, I want you to make that sound for me again.” 

Where the hell did that come from? The expert scare actor he was, Buggy tried desperately to keep professional relationships with all of the guests, but something about you was different. Something about you made him want to dig deeper, drink the poison, try the drug.

You looked up at him in shock, but finally began to understand and acquaint yourself with your feelings from before. Something about fear, the lack of control, you wanted him to take whatever he wanted from you and to learn of such a thing right now could not be more inconvenient. You couldn’t speak.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” said Buggy as he backed away from you. “That was … wow yeah okay … I’m so sorry. I fucked up. You have every right to deck me and run for the hills. Let me just … I can call for someone to walk you out?”

You thought about it, truly for a moment you did, but with the way his eyes had darkened with desire for you and the sound you made for him. This was a power you refused to relinquish.

“No I … I think I … I like how you were talking to me,” shy, but at least you got your point across. His move.

He looked up at you with a momentarily confused expression. Until, of course, he caught on. His expression changed, returning to one much more confident.

“That so?” He said, placing a hand to one side of your head propping himself up to lean into you. “I’m so glad you said that, sweet girl. Why don’t you go ahead and tell me a little more about what you like? Let me make sure we’re on the same page.”

His red painted lips pulled upward into a smile, a cute one if not for the subject at hand.

“I think I’d like … I’d like to be scared.” Somehow you pulled some confidence out at the last moment to let the pirate know you’d be happy to have him do whatever he wants with you.

He leaned in much further to you. His lips nearly brushed yours but instead charting a course across your cheek and to your ear where he whispered, “I need you to tell me exactly how you want me to scare you. What do you want me to do to you, mouse?”

A gasp pulled quickly through your lungs, something that made him chuckle into the shell of your ear. His hot breath fanning against your skin was already starting to make you feel much warmer despite the cold temperatures outside. 

“I want … I want you to touch me … use me … however you want.”

“Now we're talkin’, pumpkin.”

His mouth finally connected with your own, if you were warm before, at his touch you were fully set ablaze. Peeling the gloves off of his hands, one came up to grip your throat and the other found its home around your waist. As he gripped around your soft skin he felt you moan just ever so slightly.

Buggy felt a deep need to torment you. Your kiss was good, more than good it was soft and needy, the kind of kiss that makes a girl weak, but too much pleasure wasn’t good, he wanted you begging for him to stop, crying for him to slow down, pleading for a release he still wasn’t so sure you deserved. He pulled away.

“Hey beautiful, I gotta ask you a question,” he panted out. “You need a safe word, okay?”

You were in a haze, your body ached to be touched and kissed by him. The thought of a safe word made you weak. Safe from what? You whispered the first word that came to your mind. 

“Christmas,” you said through your quick shallow breathing. 

“Christmas?” He laughed a breathy little laugh. “Okay, Christmas it is.”

His lips found yours once again, this time it was heated and heavy. He kissed you back with a hunger and a desire to make you submit. He bit, he didn’t stop, it started to hurt. 

God, you were so easy to rile, to make a whiny little mess of. He thought, now that you had a little saving grace to use when you couldn’t take it, Buggy could really start playing.

Slowing down his kiss, every few seconds Buggy would squeeze your throat, and release, squeeze and release. Gently at first, he wanted to be gentle. He might be a freak with a kink for causing pain and fear, but he also wanted you to live so gently he would go.

He began to notice that you liked it. His kiss slowed down and he began to simply tease you with little soft kisses here and there. He kept his lips on yours just allowing them to brush one another faintly. You started making little sounds and taking deeper breaths in between the contracting of his hand around your windpipe. He was proud of you for learning the rhythm so quickly, what else would you pick up on? 

Finally, after releasing your throat again, and punctuating it with a quick peck to your lips, he clamped down on your throat, hard. He forced your head back into the wall. Your eyes went so wide as you tried to gasp for air, hands shooting up out of instinct to try and pull his hand away.

His other hand came up and dipped under your skirt to feel you over your panties. With all he’d been doing to you, it's no wonder you were so wet.

“Oh baby. This all for me? This sweet little pussy is soaked just for me?” 

You nodded, tears rolling down your face. He had released the grip on your windpipe, but kept his thumb and two middle fingers pressed firmly on either side of your neck making you feel lightheaded. The praise going straight to your core.

“It’s a damn fuckin’ shame I don’t stick my cock in whores. I’m jus’ gonna have to use that slutty little mouth instead.”

He tossed you to the ground, “Knees. Now.”

As he undid the belt of his costume, you did the best you could to sit up and kneel before him. Your hand went up to reach for the skin of your neck feeling the raw and abused flesh. Buggy saw a little tiredness creep up on your face, a little bit of worry.

“Hey,” he said in a completely different tone than before. “Look at me, sweet girl.” 

Your eyes flicked up to look at him and God that face. All tear-stained, your mascara running down your cheeks, your eyes so pleading and nervous. He had to hold back. 

“You wanna make your captain feel good don’t you?”

A flash of excitement shone in your eyes. “Yes, sir I do.”

Holy fuck, you were perfect. Intoxicated but you, he pulled out his hard member. Using what precum had leaked out, he began to stroke his hand down his cock. If you weren’t turned on before, the way he looked down at you in the crimson light jacking-off inches from your face made you want him even more. 

In a growl he said, “Say it again.”

“Yes, sir I do.”

He kept going, bliss from how obedient you were. “Say, yes captain I do.”

“Yes, captain I do.”

Another low moan escaped him. “Say, yes Daddy I do.” 

“Yes, Daddy I do.”

“Good fuckin’ girl.” He snarled, grabbing a fist full of your hair. “Now open wide.”

You did exactly as you were told. He tapped his cock against your waiting tongue then pulled your mouth onto and around his painfully hard cock.

“Oh, holy fuck.” Your throat contracted around him as you attempted to get air through your nose. 

The painful press of your knees into the hard floor and your inability to find any relief for the aching need you felt made your desire to help him finish all the more urgent.

You went along with his movements, bobbing your head up and down gagging on him. He looked down at you, bathed in red, eyes looking up crying and pleading.

“Touch yourself,” he demanded.

You shook your head ‘no’ as you continued to suck him off.

“Excuse me?” he said a lilt in his voice.

You stopped sucking with a delicious little ‘pop’ and brought your hands up to continue your work.

“I want you to touch me, captain,” you said. Voice going horse and breathing heavy but still attempting to sound sexy.

“S’that what you want, huh? Think you can just stop what I asked you to do and make demands, saying ‘i want’ ‘i want’ ‘i want.’” His tone mocked you as you slowed your pace on him, feeling fear rise up yet again.

It was the little game you played. He would be gentle, sweet, give you something you wanted, then he would switch it up, get angry and show no mercy.

“You dumb little slut,” he spat at you. Pulling you off the ground by your hair, he made you stand in front of him again. “Why don’t I give you what you want, hmm? You can decide if it was worth it.”

He dragged you onto the set piece slightly further down the hallway. Two crates placed next to one another, this time the set was all green and purple.

He ripped your panties off and shoved them in his pocket. Hiking up your skirt, he got to work. His large hands found their way to your drenched little hole. Pulling his fingers through your slick, he began to work your clit with the pads of his middle and marriage fingers.

“You’re so wet for me, sweetheart,” he mused. You let out a few little squeaking moans here and there, but he wasn’t moving his fingers fast enough to bring you to a climax. Not yet, anyway.

“More. More please, captain,” you sighed. “Daddy, please give me more. It feels so good.”

“Greedy little thing,” the comment was so casual, so uncaring. “You are going to get what I give you.” With that, he slapped your clit, hard. The quick sting causing you to jump and yelp in pain.

“Fuckin say ‘thank you,’” tone low and almost unfeeling. He hit you again. “I fuckin’ said, say ‘thank you,’” he repeated much angrier and lounder than before. 

“Thank you! thank you, please … I’m sorry,” you warbled out.

“Now she says sorry too? I could have had your lips on my cock, I could have cum down your throat and now you wanna say sorry?”

You looked up at him from your horizontal position on the crates, he looked at you with frustration and anger and then … amusement? What was he thinking?

“Why don’t I return the favor? Then we can see how you fuckin like it.”

He knelt down in front of you and threw your legs open to access your weeping slit. Wasting no time, he dove into your waiting sex. His tongue flicks over your clit. He quickly sucks and circles your sensitive bud over and over again in a pattern that as you cry out in pleasure.

“Yes – yesyesyesyes please that so – that’s so good please don’t stop.”

He doesn’t stop, opting instead to push two fingers into you curling them upwards to hit that spot he knows will drive you absolutely insane. Feeling the warmth and softness of your pussy almost drives him feral. He wants badly to push his dick into you, but he’d rather save that for later.

“Listen to you baby girl, thats a good fuckin girl for me.” He pushes his tongue in between your wet folds, his large red nose finding purchase on your already very sensitive clit. It wasn’t going to take much more.

“You gonna cum, hmm? You wanna cum for Daddy?”

All that you could muster were a few good yes’s before you felt that chord in your body tighten to a near snap and then … he was gone.

“No! No! Why why – why did you?” tears fell down your face. There was nothing left, the entire orgasm he built came tumbling down around you and all he did was stand there stroking his painfully hard cock, if working you up had turned him on, ruining your orgasm made him absolutely inconsolable. 

“Baby, do you remember our safe word?” He asks. 

You nod. Bottom lip swelling out and eyes filled with tears. Your skirt was still pulled up around your waist and somewhere along the way your top lifted up your to expose more of your gorgeous body. You were a vision in runny mascara.

“You can still say it,” he said. “You say it,” he stood closer to you cupping your swollen face in his hand gently. “And I’ll slow down, I’ll be gentle with you from now on, okay?”

You were frustrated, teary eyed, exhausted, but you still hadn’t cum and if there was one thing you wanted more than anything it was for that fire inside of you to be lit, stoked, and snuffed by him. 

“But,” you said, eyebrows pressing together into a look of innocent perfection. “My favorite holiday is Halloween.”

After that, something in him snapped. Buggy pulled your hips to the ends of the shipping crates begging whatever God he could think of that the prop team made these to be sturdy. He pressed himself to your entrance and, when he was all lined up, snapped his hips into you.

“Oh fuck – you are so fucking tight, God damn shit baby you are gripping me so – so tight. Keeping this sweet little pussy to yourself? Wasn’t going to tell me about how good it grips my cock? Fuck baby, Daddy is going to need you to come soon okay?”

He could hardly hold back, slamming his aching cock into you over and over. All he can do is watch your little face contort and twist and moan out in pleasure. The sounds you make, not just the ones that fall from your lips but that dirty slapping and wet squelch of your pussy around his dick is enough to nearly send him over.

As for you, Buggy could feel that you weren’t going to last much longer. The random little flutters and squeeze of your pussy around him fell into a rhythm. Soon you’d be crying and screaming out for him. And God, did he want to hear you scream.

He moved his hand to your clit so he could rub quickly over it hoping to get you there fast, a prayer that would be answered by a tightening of your already vice like pussy.

“There we go, thats my fuckin good girl – good fuckin girl for Dadddy. Cum for your Captain, slut. Fucking cum for me.”

His words of encouragement were all you needed to finally let ago, the pirate clown spilling hot ropes of cum inside along with you.

“Oh – oh my God,” you breathed out slowly and steadily. 

“It’s, Buggy baby, though I suppose I’ll also accept God,” he smirked.

He helped you off the crate and worked in putting you back together. Handing you a makeup wipe to clean your face, you gave him a confused and somewhat skeptical look.

“What? I am wearing like three pounds of makeup on my face. Are you surprised I keep a couple of these on me?” he said.

After cleaning you up, Buggy pulled out his phone to make a call. He led you through some backstage hallways to the very back of the haunted house and waited with you there, finally someone picked up.

“Hey Caleb,” he said. You spun around to face him dramatically, a shocked expression plastered itself there. “No, no I think she really enjoyed the main attraction. Okay … yep lot F … okay she’ll be here.”

He hung up.

“Are you joking? You know Caleb?”

“Yea, gorgeous, everybody does.”

“I –” he cut you off

“My understudy has been covering for me for too long, pretty girl, I gotta get back to work.” He slowly began to shut the backdoor. “See ya next Halloween, yea?” And with a wink he was gone.

“Yo!” you turned to see Caleb sauntering up to you. “Did you get kidnapped?” He said with a mocking tone.

“Did you plan this?” you asked somewhat horrified.

“I thought you guys would get along, sue me.” said the green haired man.

“Well we did, so good call.” You said, blushing and staring at the ground. “Where is everybody?”

“We all split up a bit after getting off this ship thing. Marnie and Lete went off on their own after I introduced Blake to one of the makeup artists. And I’ve just been stalking around, you know, reliving the glory days.”

“They serve food here right?” you asked, walking back through the gap in attractions to get to the main thoroughfare. “Yea, they do,” he said, following behind you. “I bet we can find you something to snack on, pretty girl.”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚

taglist: @max-505 @kurinhimenezu

[possum-quesadilla]

Chapter 9 of Time’s Arrow, “I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel, I am all the things they might have said to you” is here! Woof. Sorry everyone. Happy Beetlejuice 2 premiere! :,)

THIS CHAPTER IS PARTICULARLY ROUGH. PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS CAREFULLY BEFORE PROCEEDING.

Extras below!

- The lyrics for this chapter’s title is from “Never Love An Anchor” by The Crane Wives.

- “The next ten months moved at the speed of a dream.” - A call back to a line from Time is a Flat Circle, which itself is a reference to “Asteroid City”! Gotcha again!

- “They read ‘Flowers for Algernon’, ‘An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge’, and… some sort of Jane Austen novels.” - I wonder if those stories are thematically relevant to this chapter?

- “He had no idea what to do about his fur anyhow. It had never grown in that long and thick before, how was he supposed to know it would do that?” - It was growing properly because he was finally happy and healthy enough for it to do so!

- “She was tall. Well, at least taller than him. Damnit.” - Bela is 5’9”! She is on the shorter side for demons. Beej is just especially small, since he was malnourished.

- “Her roots were black, the rest of her hair cascaded down to her shoulders in similar curls to his own, colored with a gentle lavender hue.” - Bela’s resting hair color is purple instead of green like Beej!

- “She had an orange-jeweled nose ring.” - Bela and Deb have matching nose rings, since exchanging jewelry is how demons court each other!

- “Shades of a gentle maroon red flickered through Bela’s hair.” - Bela has different colors for her emotions than Beej does!

- “Most were “whales”, stolen away in malevolent Deals to forever be a supply for the demon they were tied to. Slowly withering away to nothing.” - this is inspired by “Doctor Sleep”, because I’m a huge Mike Flanagan fiend.

- “They were all strange, all lacked the innate ability to socially adapt that the other demons thrived off of.” - Autism can run in a family, and it sure does run in the Shoggoth family!

- “He didn’t know why she was upset, but he knew it was up to him to make it better. (Why else was he here?)” - Still partially believes his only purpose is to make others happy, or they wouldn’t want him around.

- “… she hesitated, still firmly grasping the bright green fleece blanket he’d summoned from his room around her shoulders.” - The same blanket Charles got Beej for his room!

- “ “I watched this movie last night, since I couldn’t fall asleep. It was..” their voice caught in their throat, and their breath hitched. Beetlejuice slowly rose from his chair, setting the ice pack on the counter. “… lotta.. big feelings about it, huh?” They rapidly nodded, wrapping their arms around themself. “I don’t… I can’t keep living the way I do.” ” - Ash watched “I Saw The TV Glow”, which is a horror movie about being trans. It gutted me the first time I saw it. Ash had a similar visceral reaction, and it made her rethink how she is living. It also informs a lot of this chapter’s theming, but it is not required viewing for this fic. It is very, very difficult to watch for neurodivergent queers.

- “The living need attention too, Ash. It’s okay.” - This line is partially taken from “Dead Girls” by Penelope Scott, which is a very important song on Ash’s playlist.

- “You feel like you’ll die if you stay there. Or… worse.” - An “I Saw The TV Glow” reference. There’s quite a few in here.

- “Thank you, Beetlejuice.” - the first time they’ve called him by his actual name!

- Anyone spot more Time is a Flat Circle parallels?

- “It was then that Beetlejuice got hit by his first car.” - This is mostly a joke about how I, the author, have been hit by 4 cars. I feel like Beej would be similarly unlucky.

- “… it’s like being a wolf dog.” - This is based on how I’ve explained what it was like to grow up in my household.

- “Memories washed away like chalk on the sidewalk.” - Another “I Saw The TV Glow” reference.

- “Adam and Barbara celebrated their birthdays, which landed a couple days apart from each other, by smelling wine and watching ‘Lord of the Rings’ together. Beetlejuice was invited to join them.” - Based on something Adam made Beej he would promise to do in an earlier chapter!

- “June was full of beautiful sunsets he watched with his family.” - This was, like the previous thing, also listed among the reasons Beej should keep “living” in a previous chapter.

- “At the end of the month, walking to school and the store with Lydia, Beetlejuice realized with horror that Lydia was taller than him. Like, at least half a foot taller.” - Lydia is 5’7” now, he’s just being dramatic.

- “(How could no one see it? He felt so happy, but still he felt pieces of him slowly dying and rotting away. How could no one see that he was rotten? That he was dying?)” - This is partially another “I Saw The TV Glow” reference, and a reference to the ending of the song “you smell of dead flowers” by vslush and cliesel

- “August came like a thief in the night.” - A callback to Time is a Flat Circle! Which is itself an Edgar Allen Poe reference.

- “… they say old man Hirsch signed up for it right before he went missing.” - Yes he is named after Alex Hirsch, creator of “Gravity Falls”. Love ya Alex!

- “ “I managed to talk him down from another viewing of ‘Pride and Prejudice’!” (Another? What was that? They’d seen it before?)” - This is meant to alert the reader that something is very wrong, as “Pride and Prejudice” was brought up before by Beetlejuice himself.

- “Beetlejuice scratched at their left arm. The scars had started to fade.” - He was resorting to self-regulating self harm less enough that his arm was healing before this point.

- “I… I couldn’t.. I didn’t have enough energy to resist the Seal w-.. without a cult.” - Beetlejuice was tricking people to sign up for his cult under the guise of a “Loyalty Program”.

- “Why have they been going missing, then?” … “They swore they were choking on the taste of blood, bile rising in their throat as they felt their flesh between their teeth.” - Beetlejuice ate a few members of his cult. That’s why there’s missing persons in the town.

- “Someone’s hand gripped the back of their shirt, trying to pull them out of the kitchen. Panic spiked within them. Beetlejuice felt the blow to the back of their head, the horrible stabbing agony in their chest. That familiar, terrifying sensation they’d felt over and over and over and- ”- Beetlejuice had flashbacks to being killed during the loop over and over because Charles touched his old wound and it scared him, hence why he lashed out.

- “There’s still time. There has to be.” - Yet another “I Saw The TV Glow” reference.

- “ “Hello, pet.” Time’s up.” - Meant to envoke a terrifying line in “Yo, Girl” from Heathers the musical.

- “I’ll make you wish you could die!” - This line was originally going to be a more blatant reference to a line that Circus Baby from the FNAF series says often, “You won’t die, but you’ll wish you could.”

- “You always bounce ba- ” - Meant to be a reference to this scene from “Adventure Time” which I’ve… never seen…

- “Beetlejuice was distantly aware that Cyrus brought his claws up to his mouth to lick some of the blood off of them. “Choke on it,” they sputtered, although they weren’t sure if Cyrus could understand them through all of the blood that bubbled out of their mouth.” - Meant to be a reference to the horrific death of Captain Rhodes from “Day of the Dead”!

- “Beetlejuice wheezed out a last croak as Cyrus once again gripped their hoof and continued dragging them towards the portal.” - This is meant to evoke the gut-wrenching opening scene of “Scream”. Specifically, the part where Ghostface is dragging Casey away, and she is wheezing out her last breaths, which her parents can hear over the phone. The music in that scene never fails to make me cry. (I cried my eyes out rewatching that scene and imagining it playing when the Maitlands see the basement, but that’s not how things will happen…)

- “I’m sorry I was the one you loved.” - From “I’m Your Man” by Mitski.

[dilly-dahlia]

when i’m trying to use a more plausible color scheme for everyone in my MCD rewrite (since it’s going to be set in a more underdeveloped time period, a lot of colors are going to be expensive/hard to find) and can’t decide what colors to give certain people 😭

im obviously gonna keep some of the original colors in the beginning (like Lord Burt wearing red because of its significance as a powerful color), but keep everyone’s else’s mostly plain. for example Nana won’t be an explosion of pink (although it will remain her favorite color), Aphmau won’t be wearing purple as often (the most common variation of the color was tyrian purple which took a very extensive amount of labor to make even one gram of the pigment. that, as well as the color being reserved for royalty), and Laurance won’t have as many green articles of clothing in the section of my rewrite portraying season two (the emerald green pigment was made from arsenic, which made it not only extremely toxic to produce but to wear as well as the skin would absorb the poison)

(i’m still debating about Dante and Garroth with their blue tones because it was a more common color amongst the poor people and was made with cheap, low quality dye, but Louis IX and Henry VIII started wearing it with other nobles and it became a color of high standing so…)

now this is also where I also come to a standstill because of these colors and what they used to represent. each Divine Warrior will have a color associated with them, which is where part of their symbolism will come from. however, I’m stuck on what color to give Irene

there’s a very brief clip somewhere I can’t remember when it appeared, but Irene was wearing a black two piece that seemed to be torn. I imagine this being something like her “first” outfit in the world so i’m not too worried about that one, but I’m more concerned about the one she wears when she’s portrayed

we see Irene wearing two cloaks from what I remember (my memory is garbage and I have yet to reach that far in anything). one of her cloaks was royal blue and the other is a lilac purple. the lilac purple would be a more difficult hue to achieve in the time period i’m reaching for, so either way i’m going to make the purple into a deeper shade.

i’m having such a war in my head about which color to choose for her, though. because both colors could signify who she is and i’m honestly debating just having different people give her different colors but I don’t know

on one hand, tyrian purple was a color reserved for royalty. using it could be used to show the high regard in which people in Ru’aun placed her. it could be used to signify their desire to have Irene rule as queen over the region before she diminished the monarchy and developed the Lord system instead. however, this color was made from a tiring process that required extensive amount of labor for barely anything to show the effort, and I feel as though the way to obtain the color doesn’t represent Irene the Matron

on the other hand, I feel as though a deeper blue pigment would be a better match. blue was original worn by peasants but the steady popularity it gained with nobility made it a more expensive and luxurious color for people that could afford it, as I previously said. this color I feel would fit better with her character to show that Irene came from humble beginnings and was put on a pedestal after her efforts for peace and becoming Lord of Scaleswind (which would be equal to blue becoming a color of nobility). the only problem with the blue is that the dye used by the peasants was low quality made from the woad plant that (from what i’ve seen) was dyed much lighter compared to the royal blue i’m talking about. i don’t know, maybe she got an upgrade at some point…

(can you tell i love the history behind colors)

(also if anyone has any other impactful information concerning colors please let me know i also actually love learning about it)

(and greatest apologies guys this is basically a yap post it has very little significance to anything)

[lovelyhan]

kwannie w a corruption is my fav thing ever … i’ll never shut up abt it >_< he just loves cute things … “that’s my cute girl” … and he goes feral when he sees u wear anything w lil flowers on it :c

01:12 — SEUNGKWAN

he's finally debuting on this blog 🤧 also heads up that i'm Well Aware that sk's bday is in january but just roll w me on this one ok?

seungkwan likes cute things.

from adorable puppies to frilly dresses; from afternoon tea parties and dainty flower arrangements—his affinity for all things cute is something a lot of people know about him, but don't really think twice about.

so when he brings you to this year's birthday dinner, no one really bats an eyelash at the way you're dressed. everyone knows seungkwan loves dolling you up. always decorating you in those cute babydoll dresses that flutter across your thighs, hair adorned with pretty flower pins, and a light sheen of makeup that makes your pouty lips all the more delectable.

god, those lips... it's already a difficult for him to let his other friends see you when you look like the epitome of adorable. but when you keep acting so shy and bashful every time someone compliments your outfit? seungkwan can hardly wait for all the formalities to end so he can get you alone in your shared hotel room again—doing things that are the furthest thing from cute.

he finally gets what he wants hours after wining and dining with his friends—with you giggling in the hallway as you drag your boyfriend into the privacy of your room.

seungkwan can't help the way his heart momentarily swells at how breathaking you look. you've only had one glass of champagne, but the alcohol has colored your cheeks a lovely shade of red—further emphasized by how your cheekbones puff out as you beam at him lovingly.

it's in times like this when he can't wrap his head around how he managed to end up with someone as otherworldly as you. but when the door to the hotel room clicks shut and you immediately spread yourself out on the queen-sized bed, all those wholesome thoughts are gone in a flash.

"i've been itching to give you your present, kwannie," you giggle as you spread your thighs, tugging the hem of your babydoll dress to reveal what you've been hiding underneath. "i think you'll really like it."

seungkwan nearly chokes on his own breath when he catches a glimpse of the white lace of your underwear. he's no stranger to seeing you in such intimate fabric—silk and lace were his favorites—but the dainty red roses embroidered on the crotch area are enough to make his brain short-circuit.

fuck. he likes cute things—adores them way too much. but you in particular love to drive him just a little more insane with each passing day.

"what a pretty baby," he groans, letting himself join you on the mattress as he helps you out of your dress. when he sees the same embroidery patterns stitched across the matching bra, he hisses between his teeth. "all this for me?"

"you deserve it," you purr, guiding one of his big hands to cup your throbbing heat through your panties. "happy birthday."

with the last threads of his self-control finally snapping, seungkwan lunges for your sweet lips—tasting the peach lip gloss on his tongue as he pries your mouth open. you let out a quiet whine that he swallows with another kiss, pushing your underwear to the side so he can glide his lithe fingers along your wet slit.

"you're drenched, sweetheart," he notes with a laugh that has you pouting against his lips.

seungkwan brushes his fingertips along your entrance, gathering enough slick before spreading it across your puffy clit. your reaction is most adorable—a buck of your hips and another whine reverberating in your chest.

"kwannie," you whimper, hooking one of your legs around his waist to bring him closer. "i've been wet all night. wanted you to come unwrap your present while we were at dinner."

"dirty girl. you wanted me to take you in front of all my friends? is that it?" your boyfriend gives your pussy a playful but firm slap, making you jolt on top of the mattress as another rush of slick trickles out of your needy hole.

"uh-huh," you babble, grinding your cunt against his hand with parted lips. "want them to know i'm yours."

gods above. he only has so much self-control.

while others might've completely caved and stuck their dicks inside of their adorable girlfriends, seungkwan likes seeing you fall apart on his fingers first before he fucks you dumb with his cock.

you're always so receptive when he preps you like this. whining so cutely when he rubs your clit with just the right pressure. the way you frame the his name around such a pretty moan as he pumps his long fingers into sopping cunt is all the incentive he needs before feeling your walls clamp down on his length.

"f-fuck," seungkwan stutters—thighs clapping against your ass with each forward thrust. the sight of you still wearing the dainty lace set as he takes you from behind makes him feel just a little more feral. "that's my cute girl. taking me like i'm made for you."

the squelch of your pussy is the most obscene sound he's heard all day and your boyfriend decides he wants more of it. seungkwan amps up the cadence of his strokes as he presses your head down on the mattress. but as much as he wants to pull your hair to keep you in place, he wants to spare those pretty flower pins even more.

"baby's the prettiest little thing in the world," he whispers raspily in your ear, one of his palms groping your breasts as he continues hitting it from behind. "you'll let me finish inside you, right? then you'll keep these cute panties on so my cum won't go to waste."

the mere mention of being filled has you clenching even tighter around him—desperate moans echoing across the four corners of your hotel room.

"need it, seungkwan," you nearly sob into the sheets—reaching between your thighs to find your clit before timing your rubbing with your lover's movements. "need you to stuff me full of cum so badly."

who is he to deny his pretty girl such a desperate request?

your boyfriend's hot cum surges into your cunt in thick globs, dragging a long-winded moan out of your lips as the sensation of being filled pushes you over the edge.

seungkwan inhales sharply when he feels you milk him for each drop of his release. but no matter how overstimulated the both of you are, he continues to fuck his cum into your sloppy pussy. as if to make sure it'll take you days to sweat him out.

when his vigor has all been spent, seungkwan slips out of your hole carefully—so quick to pull your delicate lace panties back in place before tugging the fabric against your ruined pussy. the material catches across your sensitive clit, making you moan out on instinct.

your boyfriend quietly observes the way his cum is starting to stain the pure white lace before his eyes flicker to your fucked out face. still panting and squirming like you want more even though he's already given you so much.

but hey, he's nothing if not a fool for his adorable baby.

⟢ end notes: Obviously i got carried away with writing this 🦧 but that is ok bc everyone deserves to be headass for corruption kink seungkwan 🥰🥰 thank you for sending this in, mika my love so sweet <3 i enjoyed experimenting w kwannie more than i thought i would !