#rediscovering a lot of my 2018 music these days for some reason.

[i-dont-want-your-hysteria]

PSA- How It All Went Down On February 10th

Today is the one year anniversary of when I got into Def Leppard, and how everything on this blog came to be becuase of today. Below is the entire story of how I came across Leppard, and how this blog came about. 

Happy one year!

Let me get one thing clear- I definitely grew up on Def Leppard in one way or another.

My dad’s been a huge fan since ‘83, so of course, I heard their music growing up. However, I didn’t exactly know it was them that I was hearing- I just always heard their name from my dad. I kept my own taste in music, and never paid attention to them (since I didn’t exactly know who they were).

So, the road to my current state of Leppard-loving actually began at the beginning of my sophomore year (fall 2016). For some reason I "rediscovered" Sugar (as in I never knew the title or the artist of it but always heard it as a kid) and started listening to it a lot. A lot.

During my sophomore year, I transitioned my music taste into classic rock. I don’t remember how this happened, but it was for the best.

 At the end of my sophomore year, I "rediscovered" Animal (same scenario) and started listening to it a lot, but never listened to any other song by them voluntarily. 

In the summer following this (summer 2017), whenever we burned a fire on our deck, we would always play Weird Al/ Electric Amish (stuff like that) when we were out there late at night. Eventually, one night in July, I was out of ideas of what to play so I asked my dad (a huge DL fan) what I should put on and of course he simply says "Def Leppard." I asked him what song and said to just pick one, so I thought, “oh god I don't really know any of their songs and I don’t know what he likes, what should I pick? Okay, I’ll pick one I don’t know. Let's just pick the first one that comes up that I don't know" and it just so happens that that one was Hysteria, and I put it on and immediately my dad goes "Ahh.. you had to pick this one...” and tilts his head back, looking up at the sky.

He then told me the story of the first time it was played for the rest of the band (which isn’t 100% true, but this is just what he knew) he said that one of the guitarists (it was actually Phil and Sav) played what they had so far for the rest of the band around a campfire like we were doing (which turned out to be some of Sav and Phil's Irish friends).

But it felt really cool being out there with this song playing, and it was the first time I had ever heard it, too. Hysteria was my favorite song within a week. But, still, I could probably only name 3 or 4 DL songs at this point (I apparently did know more, but none by name). Those 3 or 4 DL songs kinda defined that summer for me, funny enough.

October of 2017: I don't exactly know how it happened, (I think I heard it on the radio) but I rediscovered Photograph (I actually knew this one by name) and became OBSESSED WITH IT FOR ALL OF NOVEMBER. Making music videos in my head, writing it into my NaNoWriMo novel, listening to it whenever I could, just wow- I love it. That's when it became my favorite song of all time (and it still is- tied with Hysteria).

It's January of 2018 now, and I'm still cooing over Photograph and Sugar and Hysteria and Animal, then January 14th, 2018 comes around- I almost meet Rick by accident, then a week or so later I'm watching the Metal Mayhem block on MTVC...

A video ends, it fades to black, and then suddenly I hear that "pck......" pluck of a string that echoes away and my heart jumps- “IT'S PHOTOGRAPH OHMYGODOHMYGOD...!!” 

It occurred to me right then and there that I had never seen the music video before (or even considered that there may have been one)

It had ALSO occurred to me that I had never once actually looked at a picture of the band. I'd never seen their faces. 

So I’ve got a favorite song I’ve been obsessed with for a solid two months, I discover its music video, and look at the band who sings it for the first time- and who starts singing my absolute favorite song of all time but an absolutely daSHING young man in a Union Jack tank top and a white scarf.

And then he hit me out of nowhere and I actually said to myself "God... the lead singer's actually kinda cute... like... really cute..." followed by an "oh no" shortly after because I knew I'd eventually fall madly in love with this simply adorable man who sings my favorite song, and I’d remember that that is what started it all (but that's not what started it all. It was simply an “I’ve been down this road before and this is typically how it starts.” I was more shocked than anything that my dad’s favorite band had a pretty cute lead singer- like how was that possible?) I was now, however, teetering on the edge of falling into an obsession... anything could set me off. 

And it finally did- on February 10th, 2018. My dad was taking me to a drama club rehearsal, and Bringin On the Heartbreak came on the radio. My dad turned it up and went "Yes! Old Leppard!" and at the chorus I went "WHAT'S THIS SONG CALLED I THINK I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE"

It was just the chorus I remembered, not exact words, but it just sounded all familiar, the melody of their forces, the screaming of the words, I'm pretty sure I heard it a really long time ago. And thus, it had begun. I went home, I found it on our iCloud and downloaded it.

Then I remembered my dad saying something when he was drunk about how "I nEED ROCK. LIKE ROCK. I'M TALKING LIKE- PYROMANIA. TWICE."

So I thought "I really really like a small handfull of Def Leppard’s songs. I think I should listen to them more. I'll listen to Pyromania- twice." (I’d heard of the album beforehand but never listened to it- or had I?). So I did one day. I listened to it. Twice. And BOOM; there were at least 4 songs on there right off the bat I most definitely recognized. Turns out I did know a ton of songs by Def Leppard- I just didn’t know it was them.

And of course I looked into them a bit more, hearing about all their popular stuff, listening to all of Hysteria, FINALLY looking up that handsome son of a bitch's name (Joe), finding out that one of the main composers of my favorite song went and died before I was born (Steve), and finding their more popular songs, and listening to all albums soon enough. 

I kept going back to tumblr to find pics of them and such, but there weren’t a lot. There wasn’t much on here at all about them. Whatever I did find, though, I reblogged. I was straight up obsessed within days. That week was crazy for my old tumblr. 

However, at the end of the week, on Feb 18th, only a week after it all began, I accidentally deleted my tumblr account (long story, don’t ask). I was honestly devastated because I had it for almost 4 years and all that history was now gone in the blink of an eye. Within the hour, I restarted and created a new tumblr account. I was lost on here and didn’t know where to begin, or get back on my feet. For one thing, I got my old url back ( @mccoys-killer-queen ) and immediately made my background the same pic of the guys as it was before to kind of trick myself into thinking nothing had changed.

I was wrong, and that was a good thing.

I got back into a fresh new blog, and started going around to people and asking them to spread the word on what happened and to hopefully get most of my followers back.

To this day I don’t remember all of them, and that’s been a good thing so far.

While I was doing this, I started talking to @raised-on-radio (whom I had only become mutuals with about a week earlier), 

“thinking about legit starting a def leppard blog tho” I said in the tags of a post I reblogged. She sent it back to me saying that I totally should (thanks, by the way!). And while I wasn’t totally serious about it at the time, I thanked her for the support so early on.

The next day- literally- the next day (Feb 19th), I messaged her and said that I couldn’t help myself, and made a DL blog (you’re looking at it right now). I’d never had a sideblog before, but within a week, I really enjoyed it (and obviously, I still do). Upon looking at this dead/sleeping fandom on tumblr, I realized right away it needed some sort of revival- to become like other fandoms in the modern day. There was no fanfic (on tumblr at least), there were no memes (oh heLL NO there was not), there wasn’t much circulation of posts, and it just felt dead- which I KNEW it wasn’t. It was very far from it.

Over the next month or so, it seemed now that I was involved with the fandom, it was starting to awaken in some ways. There were people actually posting content, more people were making blogs, memes got involved (I’m taking the credit for that, lmao, it seemed no one else posted memes except me and @stupidpicturesofdefleppard ). I don’t want to say I caused this awakening, but it just seems that it happened around the time I got involved with everything. A divine coincidence.

The year that followed was amazing in so many different ways. In a year, I went from not even looking at a photo of the guys and not even knowing their names, to interacting/having one of them and their official twitter interact with me on Twitter a few times, to meeting one of them in person (and putting my arm around him and having him call me ‘darling’), to having a year long obsession that’s still going strong, to knowing much more songs by them than any other artist, to knowing more facts and history about them than anything else, to being able to recognize them if given the slightest detail, and to being absolutely in love with every member and everything Def Leppard has done (not in that order!)

One year later, here we are! The past 365 days since I first heard Bringin’ On The Heartbreak in my dad’s car has been one hell of a story that’s taken me months to completely type out, and I can’t thank everyone enough for somehow making me gain 364 followers in the past year for something I never thought would get off the ground! If I told myself a year ago that I’d be where I am now, I don’t know what I’d think of it. I’d think it absolutely crazy- which it is!

But I wouldn’t change a thing about the last 365 days, that’s for damn sure. 

Rock on, guys!

[patricksilvrrozartistry]

Current Music Obsessions: November 16 - 30, 2018

Wow. We have a super long list. I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. Starting out with the honorable mentions as always.

Jinjer - Ape Eyes of Eden - When Gods Fall Amaranthe - GG6 Arkdown - Wake Up Bring Me Eternity - Immersed The Anix - Wasteland Blackbriar - Arms of the Ocean Poppy - Play Destroy feat. Grimes K/DA - Pop/Stars Clean Bandit - Baby feat. Marina and Luis Fonsi Dark Sarah - Pirates Allamedah - 4 AM Sirenia - In Styx Embrace The Modern Age Slavery - The Silent Death of Cain feat. Tommaso Riccardi (ex-Fleshgod Apocalypse) In Dreams of Reality - Oni Cellar Darling - Insomnia Levinia - Push and Pull Blackbriar - Cry of a Banshee Mother Feather - Shake Your Magic 8 Ball Sirenia - Desire Sirenia - Queen of Lies Elitania - Templos de Cristal Porselain - Hiraeth Promethee - Witness The Loudest Silence - Wake Up in My Dream Warkings - Sparta feat. The Queen of the Damned (Melissa Bony (Evenmore, Rage of Light) Divine Ascension - Bittersweet Divide Since Ever - Following

I have A LOT of main obsessions, because November ended so close to when I generally find my favorites for the week. So let's just get this over with and look at all those main obsessions.

Kim Petras - Turn Off the Light feat. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

I learned about Kim through a guy I follow on Twitter. He kept going on about her, so I decided to check her out. Her music really isn't my thing, but I really liked this track. I love Elvira's cameo in the bridge and how spooky the choirs are after that cameo. It's just a really cute Halloween song. Can't really go wrong with it.

Haken - A Cell Divides

This is an amazing prog track. I love how djenty and proggy this track gets. The lyrics have a bit of a sci-fi feel to them, but it's more sciencey than sci-fi. The lyrics are cool is what I'm getting at. Definitely a great driving song and a wonderful song to just blast in general.

Exilia - Feel the Fire

This is their newest single and I love it. I've been a fan of these guys for many years now. I discovered them during my angsty edgelord days and have kept up with them and witnessed them evolve into the band they are today. I love the vibe of the track and you get a great feel for just how powerful their front woman's voice is.

Tillian - Black Holes

I found these guys through a Facebook ad one day. This is some really nice prog right here. I'm really digging their sound and am gonna have to check out more from them. They're on the softer side of progressive metal, but it's still some proggy goodness, and you can't turn that down.

Meg Myers - Jealous Sea

After finding and falling in love her song Numb, I had to check out more from her. So I decided to give this song a listen since it was a music video. Best decision ever. I love the play on words with the song title and the song over all. This song alone made me listen to her new album, which is amazing. There's something about this song that I just absolutely love and I just can't get enough of it.

Marcela Bovio - Roardin (No One is Born a Hero)

I'm really liking the direction Marcela's new album is going in. I love how it features both the strings and the piano. I also love how she describes her sound: chamber prog. Anyways, this song is so pretty. It packs a really empowering message that we all need to hear sometimes.

Blackbriar - I'd Rather Burn

I wasn't planning on listening to the We'd Rather Burn EP, but after hearing Cry of a Banshee, I had to. I fell in love with the EP as a whole, but this song was constantly in my head afterwards. The chorus is really catchy and I just love the lyrics so much. A witch being burned at the stake who reminds the people who are burning her that she'll be back to torment them. What isn't there to love?

Poppy - Am I A Girl?

After hearing that she experimented with metal on her new album, I had to check it out. Shockingly enough, I really dig the album. This song though is my favorite. The vibe is so fun and the message behind it (or at least how I interpret it) is a non-binary anthem. It's so much fun and I love the pre-chorus a lot.

Dimlight - Into the Thrice Unknown Darkness

This track really shows off just how beautiful Mora's voice is. She takes the lead here on the softest song on the album. I wouldn't call it a ballad track, so we're calling it a softer track. It's also great to be able hear just how powerful she is. This song gives off this overwhelming vibe of uncertainty and melancholy. I love it.

We, the Bones

Yes, I have two songs from Dimlight that I obsessed over. This song is definitely more on the aggressive side compared to Into the Thrice Unknown Darkness. I love the orchestrations on this track so much. It might be a rather simple track, but those orchestrations really sell it for me.

Piqaia - Parable

If you're into atmospheric progressive metal, check this track out. It's so pretty. I love their singer's voice so much. He's got a really pretty range and you can really tell just how beautiful it is here on this track when those harmonies kick it. This song stood out so much on the Artifact album. The vibe is just so different for some reason and I absolutely love it.

Amaranthe - Dream

This song really stood out to me on Helix. It's such a pretty track and really shows off the pretty side to Nils' voice. Not only that, but it shows off Elize's vocal range. Mariah Carey who? Homegirl can hit some really high whistle notes.

Sick N' Beautiful - New Witch 666 (The Rising)

This music video is absolutely everything. The visuals are so beautiful, but in a very spooky kind of vibe. The colors and the looks their front woman turns out in this video are to die for. The song is so catchy and fun. I'm so glad that their front woman liked a photo of mine on IG a while back, because if she didn't, I wouldn't have discovered this powerhouse of a band. Such a great jam.

Amazonica - Don't Fear the Reaper (Blue Oyster Cult cover)

I found this artist one day a while back when trying to see if the singer featured in Cradle of Filth's cover of Temptation had any other material out there. I completely forgot that Harry was the singer here. This is a pretty decent cover of this song. It's a very different take on it, like a new wave/synthwave kind of vibe. I'm really digging it.

Black Tongue - Second Death

I don't really keep up with these guys, but I might change that soon. This is the second or third track I've ever heard from them and I really dig it. It has a really meaty sound to it. Doomcore is such a strange way to describe your sound, but it really suits them.

Within Temptation - Firelight feat. Jasper Steverlinck

Holy shit. This song is literally a lovechild between Within Temptation and My Indigo (Sharon's solo project). Sharon said that this song was too dark for My Indigo and decided to release it under Within Temptation. This song is so gorgeous. It's so different and really stands out as a Within Temptation track. And Jasper. Dude. His voice is stunning.

Phildel - The Deep

I discovered Phildel many years ago through one of my og beauty gurus, Klaire de Lys. I've always really loved her voice, but back in those days I wasn't really into ambient music as much as I am now. It's like rediscovering her. This song is so gorgeous and pretty. And I adore the video. The animation is so pretty and cute. I'm definitely am gonna go through and listen to her music again and fully rediscover her.

Veil of Mist - The Flute and the Blade (The Archangel of Terror pt.1)

I don't remember subscribing to their YT channel, but I'm glad I did. This track is a powerhouse. If black metal, prog and power metal all had a baby, you'd have the sound and vibe of the instrumentals. The singer has such a strong and interesting voice. I don't know what it is about it here, but I really love her voice. This song has such a dark vibe to it that I absolutely love. I'm definitely am gonna check out more from them.

Soundgarden - 4th of July

I recently picked up a copy of Superunknown and while listening I was instantly drawn into this song. I'm not too familiar with them, so when I heard just how doomy and sludgy they got on this album, and especially on this song, I knew I made a good purchase. I love how doomy and sludgy this song is. Such a great track to chill to. I really need to listen to more grunge music.

Qveen Herby - Beverly Hills

This is my second favorite off EP 4 (Alone is my number 1). I love the trap beat and the overall vibe of the track. It's so chill, but also pops off. Definitely a great track to chill, drive, and jam to. I hope they do some touring soon, because I need to see Amy perform this shit live one day.

Levinia - The Fall

The Liberation EP is absolutely amazing with so many wonderful tracks, but this one really stood out to me. It's so beautiful, but is still really heavy. You get a really good feel for Court's range. My favorite parts are when she sings "and I remember" during the bridge and especially during the exit. It's so pretty and for some reason makes me feel slightly nostalgic of the 90's. Don't ask me why, it just does for some bizarre reason.

And that's it for this month! Hope you guys have fun enjoying all (or at least some) of these tunes.

[deeahhnuh]

2018!!

I've done this year-in-review thing since 2007! 2007-2012 are over on my old LiveJournal, and 2013-on are right here on my Tumblr. :)

2019 is coming. What?!?!?

Happy almost New Year, Tumblr! :)

What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?

Huh... I don't think I actually did anything too different this year! Well, this review is off to a great start, lol!

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

As usual, no real official resolutions - I like having little goals as the year goes along!

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes!! My cousin had a precious baby girl!!

Did anyone close to you die?

My grandmother - Ma - passed away in late November. It's difficult to articulate, mostly because I just can't quite comprehend it yet, how much I will miss her. Ma was the biggest, warmest presence in our family. All of my memories have at least some trace of Ma in them!

One memory that I've recalled a lot lately is of the times we played my Barbie board game, sometime in the late '90s. There were so many wonderful times, but those Barbie game nights with just us girls - Ma, my mom (her daughter), and me - were magical. I would set the game up on the dining room table at BaBa (my grandfather) and Ma's house and we would play and talk and laugh! Ma was in her early 70s then, but her peals of laughter and her face lit up with smiles gave me a glimpse into what she must have been like as a teenager.

That was Ma!! ❤️ She was always up for having fun, for reminiscing about funny memories, for enjoying life. Ma was there for every big event and for all the quiet moments, too. I feel incredibly fortunate to have had Ma for so long into my life. I love her, and I miss her.

What countries did you visit?

None! I really need to get out more, lol!

What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

Of course there are things I'd like to have, do, and learn in the next year - but I'm happy to say I didn't really lack anything in 2018! :)

What date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The end of November and beginning of December were marked by sadness and loss, but also with connection and love - my family really helped (and continue to help) one another through a hard time. I feel closer than ever to my fam. ❤️

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Been a Registration Assistant for two years now, and I love it!! Less real-lifey, and actually very goofy - I hit (and passed) 10,000 scrobbles for the year. I haven't hit that kind of high number for a while, so... Achievement!

What was your biggest failure?

Didn't do anything too stupid this year, haha!

Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, yay!

What was the best thing you bought?

I love fragrances, so my fave purchase this year is, of course, a perfume! Calvin Klein Euphoria Amber Gold just smells soooo gooood. It's rich and sweet, kinda syrupy - really beautiful.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My family. The mama, the dad, the bro - they are so awesome. We're always there for each other - I love them more than words can say!!! ❤️

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one really! I've been pretty even-tempered all year, haha!

Where did most of your money go?

Probably perfume, lol! But music is right up there, too. Maybe movies as well! Basically, entertainment!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Kylie's new album, Golden!! Actually, a few other music faves had new releases too, and I was hyped about them all - Richard Ashcroft (Natural Rebel), Florence + The Machine (High As Hope), Lykke Li (so sad so sexy), Emika (Falling in Love With Sadness), Sarah Brightman (Hymn), and Arctic Monkeys (Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino). Great music, all year long!

What song will always remind you of 2018?

List time!

"Dancing" by Kylie Minogue. Of course! My queen returned with a lovely album this year (see above!), but this seemingly simple first single had to grow on me. I say "seemingly simple" because at first listen, it is! Guitar, stripped-down beat - where's the glitter? It's in Kylie's voice, in how she declares with gusto: "When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" A quietly bombastic grower.

"Breathe" by Jax Jones. Catchy and bouncy!

"One Kiss" by Calvin Harris feat. Dua Lipa. Breezy fun!

"In My Mind" by Dynoro & Gigi D'Agostino. Hypnotic!

Compared to this time last year (2017), are you:

Doing really well, kinda like last year! :)

What do you wish you'd done more of?

Quoting last year's year in review: "wish I'd listened to more new albums, and not just compilations." But I loves my dance music comps so much! :O I really think I'll try to listen to more new music in the new year.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Not to be too serious business, but doubting myself. I worry I'm not doing enough, or not doing it right, or could have done it better. I guess a little self doubt keeps you on your toes - keeps you challenging yourself - but I'm happy that as I've gotten older and a tad wiser, and gained more confidence in myself, these worries have lessened. So this year, I did doubt myself, but not as much as last year, or the year before. Here's to an even more confident 2019! ;)

How did you spend Christmas?

Fam, ham, and fun! :)

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2018?

I managed to not embarrass myself all year, haha!

How many one-night stands?

None, lol

What was your favorite TV program?

Forever a fan of goofy cartoons!

Real Housewives! All of 'em are wonderful trash TV. :) (Gif source!)

And for no good reason I watched every season of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! on Hulu. Cracks me right up!!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

Put-together and polished, I like to think!

What kept you sane?

Lots of music, movies, and TV. Always up for some entertainment!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nah!

What was the best book you read in 2018?

Ooh, just got a New Year's Resolution for 2019 - read a book, lol.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

I rediscovered some old faves! "Love Today" by Mika has forever been pure joy, "You Can Dance" by Bryan Ferry can't be any smoother, "Spirits" by Jamie Woon stays majestic, "212" by Azealia Banks still slaps, "Reagan's Skeleton" by Yeasayer continues to be massive, and "Watch Out For This (Bumaye)" by Major Lazer is always a banger.

What did you want and get?

Lots of good things - I'm very fortunate!!

What did you want and not get?

Nothing! Like I said, fortunate. ❤️

What was your favorite film of this year?

I didn't see many movies released this year, but I did really like Ant-Man and the Wasp!

And A Quiet Place!

I also saw Midnight in Paris (2011) after years of meaning to - it's such a lovely film!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

32! Little fun things - used CD shopping (a fave thing to do), movies, good meal...!

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Can't ask for more!!

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I've never watched American Horror Story because it seems pretty spoopy and I'm a wimp, but I was going around the channels and that guy who plays the Antichrist lol - Cody Fern - caught my eye. He fine!

What political issue stirred you the most?

There's something new stirring every day, ugh!

Who did you miss?

Ma. ❤️

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018?

Family matters - not the TV show, although that's good too! I already knew this, but I really really felt it so much this year. ❤️

What quote can be used to sum up your year?

"When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" No matter what's going on, I want to try and have a good time and enjoy things! Here's to a 2019 full of goin' out and dancing! :)

[stupidpianist]

22 october 2018

10:36: Rolling my slug body out of bed. Stayed up a bit later than I had anticipated yesterday night, was watching The Disaster Artist for a second time. Saw it once at a get together with friends when we had all been steadily drinking for a couple hours so I wasn’t paying the closest attention to it, though we all agreed that we mutually thought it was a really good movie. Read/watched some reviews of the movie by my favourite reviewers since I’ve been intrigued about it for a long time, being a fan of The Room, and read that my favourite reviewers all really liked the movie, so last night I was like, “it’s okay, your first class on Mondays isn’t until 11h35, you can sleep in a bit, just watch it, it’s okay, this will ‘inspire you’ and the net benefit of watching the movie will be a lot of productivity and general wellbeing.”

Always loved narratives like these ones, outsiders pursuing a personal dream irrespective of the views of other people, who are just “good enough” and hard enough workers and determined enough that in the end they succeed despite all expectations. It helps that Tommy Wiseau is, like, almost insane, too. I like people that seem to play with reality, like, that seem to warp reality around themselves, like, that command some extremely mass-ey gravitational field that seems to suck everything in and reprocess them based on their own frameworks, rather than the other way around the way that most ppl seem to operate in the world, maybe?

Found myself earnestly surprised at how good I thought the movie was, finding myself drawn into a Tommy Wiseau obsession. I’m tying up this liveblog update in the music library right now and I am sorry that I’m skipping around chronologically, I promise right after this tangent I’ll flip right back into “regularly scheduled programming,” just wanted to share thoughts on Disaster Artist first. Was very inspirational, I’m finding myself, today, being, like, renewed in personal endeavours, and less attentive towards the negative detractions of external influences. Feels pretty cool. Heh.

Actually woke with my alarm at 10h, but didn’t want to get out of the comforts of bed just yet, so I checked Instagram and Facebook for a few minutes and then just closed my eyes, waiting for my second alarm, which I knew was coming in a bit.

Stood, put on bathrobe, feeling “particularly luxurious,” then walked to do the ol’ routine of boiling water, brushing teeth, splashing water on face, putting water in hair, you know the drill by now. Yup, this is just going to get more and more repetitive as the days draw on. An unexpected consequence of starting this experiment is that I have a strange urge to “switch things up” and “change up the routine,” just for sake of novelty. Always had a “soft spot” for novelty, you ever wanna give me a gift? Just give me one of those cheesy, tacky novelty items you see for sale every holiday season. Get me that stuff, give it to me, I want it all. Also: those things you see in infomercials. I want ALL OF THEM. Shamwow? Slap Chop? That thing that removes hair but isn’t a razor? Gimme.

11:14: Still feeling very calm, brewing second cup of tea while sitting in front of computer, aware that I should leave in a minute if I want to be “responsibly early,” but knowing that I could leave in ten minutes and still make it to class on time if I sped walked a wee bit. Didn’t want to “rush myself” this morning, have no idea why, felt like I was “pampering myself,” so I just kept watching some YouTube videos, sipping my tea, in my bathrobe. Eventually was like, “it’s time, it’s time to do it,” and took off bathrobe, put on jeans and Bell Witch long-sleeve shirt. Realized that I might have a work shift later, and checked schedule on computer. Yup. Work later. Changed out of jeans and shirt into black pants and short-sleeve black shirt. Thought, “don’t really want to go back-and-forth from home to change, might as well wear the ‘uniform’ right now.”

11:23: Walking to class. Feeling like I want a Red Bull, probably because Tommy Wiseau, in real life, and featured in The Disaster Artist, drinks a lot of Red Bull. Thought “product placement wins again” in slightly ironic tone, then walked into dep en route to school and bought Red Bull, also painfully aware this is nowhere in my budget, and that I’d have to cut something more important than Red Bull out of the budget if I wanted to buy it. Still bought it, still chugged it in ~10 seconds, placed it in green recycling bin beside shopping complex. Took that Red Bull “to the face.”

11:34: Seems like I got to school ridiculously quickly today?? Very odd. This is a “chill class,” it’s piano pedagogy, the professor is a nice guy and easy to like. Seems like everyone is relatively laid back in the course, one or two students don’t seem very invested at all, but there is earnest commitment from the majority of us. Feels good that the first class of the week is something like this, rather than, like, psych stats, even though that’s happening tomorrow morning… Really skeptical that I’ll get myself out of bed to attend, even though I really should. Seems more likely I’m going to stay up until around one researching The Room, then sleep until ten, and miss the 08h30 call time. Whatever, I’ll deal with this at the end of the day.

Feeling excited about the work shift tonight, too, like, I really like going to work. It’s one of the few places where it’s both easy to ignore the world and feel simultaneously productive, since I’m, like, earning money, even though I’m not exactly doing that much. And it’s a good time for personal introspection; sitting alone backstage without windows, where things are mostly dark, only interacting with people who are hyper-focused on their impending performance, it makes for a good atmosphere to just be with yourself and think about things.

13:28: In music library after class, “fiending for” another Red Bull. On Indigo’s website, seems like they’re just definitively not gonna stock Megan Boyle’s Liveblog… So disappointing… But, they do have copies of the The Disaster Artist book. Don’t want to start practicing yet, for some reason practicing before, like, 15h or 16h in the practice rooms usually puts me in a crappy mood? I love practicing early in the morning if I’m alone, and there’s like a nice window and I have my coffee and there’s morning frost everywhere and I can sort of see my breath in the room. That’s fricken sweet. But if I’m put into a cage with six pianists on either side of me and it’s the morning, gosh, seriously, just so bad??? Almost “disgusting,” even. So instead of starting to practice now I’m gonna head to Indigo, read through part of the book, then think really, really, REALLY hard if I wanna drop twenty bucks on buying the thing. I really want to, but I might have to wait until next month to do so… Really don’t want to, but don’t really have much of a choice. Can’t even “pick up” more work shifts, as there aren’t many concerts this time of the year, but really “can’t complain” about money situation, either. “Feel thankful,” I’m thinking. Yeah, I am thankful, I am!!

13:57: Taking the short “trek” to Indigo bookstore. Listening to Ghost and Let’s Eat Grandma.

14:46: Mission accomplished. Bought The Disaster Artist. Was chatting with [removed] about the movie and they said they didn’t really enjoy it, also that it was problematic because a lot of Tommy Wiseau’s misogyny was skipped over and not addressed. Going to be “very aware” of this while I make my way through the book, “very excited” to “get into it.” Spent, actually, a bit shorter in Indigo than I had anticipated; I was simultaneously checking out the book The Artist’s Way that Alli had recommended to me, saying that I’d probably really enjoy it and that it was really beneficial. It seems like a self-help book centered around artistic creative recovery/rediscovering or discovering new ways of harnessing your innate creativity. Sat in my usual corner by the fantasy novels way in the back to read the beginnings of each one, and while reading The Disaster Artist this employee walks up to me and is like, “sir, I have a seat for you,” so I stand hurriedly, being like, “oh wow, okay, thanks,” and she leads me to this cushioned seat with an amazing view, and I’m thinking, real sheepishly, like, “oh my gosh, what did I do to merit this sort of treatment,” and thanked the employee, who nodded and walked away. Was like, “this right here, this is ‘real customer service.’” Settled into comfy cushioney seat to read.

Was honestly really difficult to choose between the two books. I feel like the final “nail in the coffin” for The Artist’s Way was that I didn’t think I had the right personality for self-help books. Not in, like, a stubborn, self-aggrandizing way, I hope, I don’t look down on them at all, I mean, I own How to Win Friends and Influence People, I like them, I just find that they’re written for a different demographic than I’m a part of. Usually their tactics/methods of self-improving run almost perpendicularly to my own, and if I try their methods, I almost always end up less happy and less fulfilled than before, whereas if I just “do that my body tells me to do,” I almost always end up feeling better. Feel like I’ll improve, personally, more from reading about the details of Tommy Wiseau and The Room than I will from this book. Will still read The Artist’s Way, though, gonna find a PDF of it and start the program, just don’t want to spend fifty bucks on books right now.

Going to head to the practice rooms now, feeling good about “throwing down” twenty dollars on a book rather whimsically. Feels like I’m “investing in my future” in a concrete way, like, “this is a book that you’ll internalize, that will lead to a definitive positive impact on your future life.” Eager to chart the effect this book has, expect a “George Book Review” soon. Maybe I’ll start up my podcast, too?? I used to do this “George’s Book Club” podcast, stopped doing it really early out of lack of time/effort, it was a lot of fun though, I’m gonna consider starting it up… Only, like, an hour-a-week obligation, seems insane that I wouldn’t have time to continue it, just need to “put in the effort.”

15:00: Making an impromptu pit stop at Vinh’s, the Vietnamese cafe in the music cafeteria. It features pho soup and banh mi sandwiches, and other “treats.” Gonna get a “Vinh’s Classic,” the cheapest sandwich, which has cold cuts in it, as opposed to “better things,” like barbecue pork, or grilled chicken.

Lady at cash register accidentally mis-scanned can of Coca Cola that I impulsively chose to buy. I was standing in frnot of the fridge with all the cans of pop and I was like, “I’m spending way too much money, I shouldn’t get a pop, it’s also just… expensive… and unhealthy… Why are you doing this to yourself, no, stop,” then just found myself reaching for a can anyways. Seems like a good sign that she mis-scanned the coke and didn’t notice, I didn’t have to pay for it, got the sandwich and drink for under $6. Internally high-fiving myself right now.

15:02: Got a real good room today! I’m being so spoiled. The piano in this one has a really reactive response, it’s super easy to get it to project, unlike a lot of the other pianos on the floor. Gonna make for an easier practice session, gonna take this sandwich “to my face” as fast as possible and then “dig into” some Alkan and Thalberg.

17:02: Received e-mail notification on phone, the McGill library’s copy of Liveblog is here!! I was expecting it to arrive a lot later, I submitted the acquisition request really recently, and they replied quickly, saying they had decided to purchase a copy, and would e-mail me when it had arrived, but I didn’t anticipate that it would arrive before a copy of Knausgaard’s My Struggle: Volume 6, which still somehow isn’t in the system yet??? Maybe there’s been a glitch, or something, My Struggle has been out for a month longer than Liveblog and it’s been on McGill’s acquisition list for even longer than that. Will have to look into this, will “keep you posted”...

Gonna stop my practicing today here, only two hours, but it was a really intense practice session. Was “singing along” around 60% of the time, played through Alkan, Thalberg, some Mozart, then “messed around” with some other Alkan etudes, and a bit of Prokofiev’s second piano concerto. WAsn’t the most “work-heavy” of practice sessions, but I still feel like I “got what I needed to get done, done.” Want to go to McLennan before work at 18h30 and pick up a physical copy of Liveblog, finally, FINALLY!! I’M SO EXCITED!! TO READ!! IT!! It’s going to take a long time, it’s over seven-hundred pages long, but I’m so into it a hundred pages in, that’s already 1/7 of the book, the rest of it will take no time, right???

Saw Megan Boyle comment something on a mutual writer friend’s Facebook status, only remembering this now.

17:24: Picked up the book from the reserves room, sitting in the lobby of the new music building reading it in the horu I have before work. It’s a lot more substantial, physically, than in my head, like, I knew it was a pretty long book, but I didn’t expect it to feel this dense. The cover and back are also slightly, like, pastel-hued? I’m not going to be able to describe it very well, I was just expecting it to be completely black and white, but now it really, really reminds me of the cover of Taipei, which is funny because the author’s photo on the back of Liveblog was taken by Tao Lin. Seems like these two novels could really be considered “sister novels” for a variety of reasons, like, they cover a similar time period, they feature many of the same people, they’re about a similar period of life in both author’s lives, Megan and Tao were engaged, etc. etc. The cover also has this really pleasing texture to it, like, it feels so good to run your hand over it. It’s one of my favourite cover designs, still not as good in my opinion as Tao Lin’s Richard Yates or Taipei, or the Farrar, Straus and Giroux editions of Knausgaard’s My Struggle, but it’s definitely up there. I think it just doesn’t really fit the material of the novel as well as Taipei’s cover, I mean, the covers look so similar they could’ve been swapped (though oh god Taipei with the cover design of Liveblog would’ve been so much worse than the fluorescent, shimmering letters it actually has), but the cover of Taipei matches up so well with the information the novel presents it’s unbelievable.

Okay sorry for this rambling, meandering conversation on book covers wow. “Settling into” Liveblog again, find myself consistently laughing and grinning wildly at Megan’s observations. Really enjoy the way she perceives things, wish I have the opportunity to “sit down and talk with her” one day, assuming she’d want to talk to me.

17:57: Boss texted me, asking if I could actually help him out at Redpath hall with moving something heavy. Gonna have to “pack it in” early and head over, it’s only a five minute walk or so. I like working with him, he’s a “great guy,” feel like I’m using that phrase correctly? Like, if I was in a movie right now, and I was speaking to a friend, I’d be like, “my boss, yeah, yeah, he’s a real great guy, he’s ‘one of the good ones.’” Blasting Ghost through headphones while heading over.

A summary of the events in Redpath:

-Got to the hall, went to boss’ office adjacent to backstage. Made pleasant conversation with him for around fifteen minutes while we waited for the rehearsal to be over. Usually I don’t make much conversation with him, not because I don’t want to, but I don’t usually have anything I want to “bring up” or “say” to most people, even if I like them. Today was, like, egregiously easy to make conversation, for some reason, maybe a result that I’ve been in a consistently good mood of late?? He also seemed “in high spirits.”

-Rehearsal ended, took pair of work gloves that boss then deemed the “sick gloves,” and that he wouldn’t touch the gloves again, stated in a humorous tone of voice. Walked with boss on stage, saw Poppy on harpsichord, said, “oh hey, it’s Poppy!” Spoke for a few seconds with her, told her I was here working, that I was just moving something heavy.

-Got two other musicians from rehearsal to help us, one whose name I forget, and Eliana (not sure if I’m spelling this right????), a cellist that I’ve had a few classes with over the years. Feel like Eliana is grouped with “people I’ll voluntarily make eye contact with and smile to,” one of the closest groups of people in my mind to “friends,” probably feel similarly to this group of people as most other people feel towards their actual friends, maybe?? Feel like, because I barely speak to anyone, and “hang out” with even fewer people, as a result, a ridiculous majority of my interactions with people are peripheral, voluntarily, so, to me, if I even feel comfortable smiling to someone or waving at them while passing them, that’s, like, to me, a “big deal”??

-Boss slid box with electric organ in it into hall, four of us hoisted the box up onto stage

-Went back to Boss’ office, chatted for a couple more minutes, he signed my time sheet, wished each other a good evening

-Stepped out of hall, put backpack down on floor to put on headphones and start blasting Ghost again before walking back to Tanna Hall

Was doing this weird thing with my neck while walking to Tanna, entirely unsure why I was doing it, other than it “felt good” to do, was just sort of craning my head back, then shaking it back and forth sort of like people do in the shower? Felt “amazing” to do this, have no idea why. Felt my adrenal glands firing away, as result of Ghost pounding through headphones. Picturing the live shows of Ghost I’ve seen on YouTube in my head while walking, not feeling the cold temperature at all.

18:54: “Settled in” for work, backstage.

19:34: Jazz concert tonight, which are always just a lot more casual than classical concerts, meaning I really don’t have anything to do other than sit back here and hit record, also that I need to clear the stage once the concert is over, but, gonna be a “real chill one” tonight, folks. Gonna read Liveblog while idly listening to the concert. Here’s a view of my “workplace environment”:

19:41: Not really “into” the music in this concert so far. Wow why am I even writing this, why is my opinion on this at all important? NO WAIt this is MY liveblog I’m gonna run it HOW I WANT and I’m GIVING MY OPINION. On page 97 of Megan’s Liveblog, gonna try to “make a huge dent in it” right now, finding myself increasingly engrossed.

20:04: Spent a bit too long “perusing” the free and for sale page for McGill on Facebook. NEver ceases to astound me how expensive some of the stuff being sold is… Also kind of got “sucked into” the endless hellhole of Instagram, spent like 15 minutes just scrolling through it. Got some great memes out of it, I guess? Gonna go pee now, then return to Liveblog. (Guess what? The concert isn’t getting better either.)

Feel like buying beer tonight. Usually don’t drink on weeknights, but feeling like some beer tonight, feels like a “good way to end the day,” like, it feels satisfying to buy some beer on the walk home after work. That sounds so official. “I’m having a few beers after my work shift ends. I’m having a few beers after work. Yeah, man, just having a few drinks after work. Just gonna throw back a few after work, wanna join? Hey, hey, you wanna hit up a bar after work? Yo, wanna come get some drinks with us after work?”

20:55: Feeling increasingly annoyed that this concert is still, somehow, inconceivably, unstoppably still going on?? Someone needs to put a stop to this, it’s almost nine, if this runs over their scheduled time slot I’m going to be... miffed... Gonna be real miffed about this... Just let me go home, I mean, I like staying here late so stay as long as you want, but, like, oh oh--!! OH OKAY THEY’RE ENDING NOW OKAY sick wow sorry for the rant wow jeez okay

[technicolorfamiliar]

Global Spirit Tour: 2017 - 2018

Prologue:

Something weird happened early in 2017.

I was looking for a song to lip synch to. In drag.

This was for a one-off performance with the improv group I was part of at the time. We had a string of a few LGBTQ events, and drag lip synchs were becoming a regular part of our season. I needed a song, and I needed to pick something I knew no one else in the group would choose. As someone who is secretly very competitive (and someone who knows I perform on stage better as a man anyway), finding the perfect song and perfect character to fit the song was stressing me out. So I turned to my beloved 80's New Wave station on Pandora for inspiration.

Eventually, the inspiration I desperately needed presented itself (this is the Weird Thing). It was, of all things, Depeche Mode's "Stories of Old" from Some Great Reward, a song I knew and loved deeply as a teenager but hadn't actually heard or really listened to in years. And with the inspiration from the song came the core inspiration for my character. Suddenly, everything locked into place - the look, the hair, the clothes, the physicality (read: how provocative I could get away with being at what was technically a family friendly event). And with that perfect vision for my character, all thing things I loved about Depeche Mode when I was in high school came flooding back to me. Wave after wave of nostalgia, the kind that makes you realize, "this is why I am the way I am."

And so I was forcibly dragged back into all things Depeche Mode by one song, one incredibly underrated song stuck somewhere in the middle of what isn't even my favorite DM album.

(I ended up using a different song by a different band for the drag improv thing, at the directors' request, they thought something more well-known would be more appropriate, and at the time I agreed. But my character mood board was still very much focused on DM in the mid-80s.)

Funnily enough, at that same time, DM were about to release a new album and announce dates for their Global Spirit Tour. So the timing on my part worked out perfectly. I have a habit of rediscovering the music I loved in high school just as a bunch of new content is about to hit the internet (one day I'll write about how Danny Elfman and Oingo Boingo saved my life more than once).

For a little background, when I say I loved DM in high school, I mean that's when I first heard of them. I didn't grow up on Depeche Mode, as my parents - who were my major source of music recs until I was 15 - absolutely hated anything that had to do with 1980s synthpop, post-punk, or any other new wave music. But someone much older and much cooler than me gave me a mix tape with "In Your Room" on it and I was intrigued. That wasn't the DM song that sealed my fate as a fan. That was 100% "Never Let Me Down Again", but a nudge in the right direction was all I needed, and for that honest to god actual mix tape cassette, I am eternally grateful.

I was a teenager during the era of Playing The Angel, and I was lucky enough to see them on that tour with my best friend at the time. The tickets were my high school graduation present. Our seats were at the very back of what used to be the Nissan Pavilion in VA. I hardly remember anything about the show itself, and any pictures I must have taken on my old pocket digital camera are sadly lost.

Washington, DC:

It was 2017 before I managed to see another DM tour. For whatever reason, whether it was my busy work schedule, being broke, or waiting until shows were already sold out to look for tickets, I missed both the Sounds of the Universe and Delta Machine tours. So when the Spirit tour was announced, I was poised and ready to make what some people might consider irrational financial choices in order to see three separate shows between September 2017 and June 2018.

The lead-up to the September 7th show in DC was a lot of fun. I was going with my two close friends, so we enjoyed some additional bonding as we eagerly anticipated the show together. This was the only gig on the tour I saw with people I knew, and I have nothing against going to concerts by myself -- and sometimes traveling great distances to do so. But getting to share the excitement leading up to the actual day and at the event itself with two of my very good friends was really special. I'm really glad I got to share that experience with them, and have their positive, enthusiastic energy to draw on.

This is the part of the post where I go on a brief tangent about superfan elitism, bear with me: The hardcore DM fans would say, "Three shows? That's nothing." And I would say they're right, but that doesn’t make me any less of a fan. I could have gone to more shows, probably, but my bank account, my job security, and my sanity required that three be the maximum amount of shows I got to see on this specific tour. There are numerous ways a person can express their love of a band, a tv show, a piece of immersive theatre, or whatever. The level of insane superfan I am or am not does not mean that their music is any less important to me as an artist and as person. HOWEVER, the people who I encountered at these three DM shows who were on their phones the entire concert, people who had better seats than me who sat down completely unengaged the whole time, and the people making disrespectful and unrelated comments about the audience and the band themselves can go fuck themselves. That negative, attention seeking, distracting bullshit has no place down in the floor seats in front of the stage, they can go be terrible up in the mezzanine levels.

Which is exactly where my first show was spent.

Second or third tier seats for big arena shows are 1000% not worth whatever money you spend on them. They're too far away, and you're surrounded by people who act like they've never heard of the band they paid actual money to see. The only reason my friends and I were up there in the first place was because of how absurd the US ticket queueing system was for the first North American leg of the GST. I, like many others, have a lot of issues with how that was handled and am glad they scrapped it for the second round of US shows.

I'm glad I had my two friends with me at the DC show, though. The three of us were maybe the only people having a genuinely fun time in our section. This first show for me was the only one where I cried. I wasn't expecting to, but hearing and seeing Martin sing "Home" struck something in me. And then "Heroes". I knew it was coming, but it still managed to really resonate on a deep emotional level. I love David Bowie as much as they do, but knowing that "Heroes" was how Dave was initially asked to be in the band, and my own personal feelings and connections to Bowie, hearing Dave sing it as well as he did was everything in that moment.

I have a number of issues with that show in DC, but none of them have anything to do with DM or the show itself. They played more songs from Spirit at this show than at any of the others I attended, but there was also "Corrupt" and "Wrong", "A Question of Lust" and "Somebody". It was also the longest set list of out of the three shows, with 22 songs total, which is rare for them, from what I understand, because of how intense their live shows are, especially for Dave (which I got to experience more closely at the other two shows). His presence on stage radiates to the rafters of huge venues like the Capital One Arena -- but more about Dave in a minute. I can talk about how good they sounded in DC, and how much hearing those songs live meant to me on that night during that time in my life, how I felt the synths and bass and percussion in my bone marrow and in my soul, but I can't really talk about the all-consuming, sweaty frenzy of experiencing a show like theirs from the floor. For that, I need to talk about Berlin and Philadelphia.

Berlin:

So DM announced more dates in Europe. And, because I'm insane I guess, was online at some ungodly hour when tickets went on sale for the two shows in Berlin, Germany in January. I was able to get an early entry ticket for the January 19th show in BERLIN where I would be surrounded by other people who were actually genuinely excited to be there, which would be a huge improvement after the lackluster crowds in DC.

Am I glad I did it? Yes. Would I do it exactly the same way ever again? Probably not. Because queueing overnight outside the arena was worth it for the concert experience itself, but it's not necessarily something I need to do again any time soon. I'm a weak, American fan, and I own that. The German DM fans go so fucking hard and I am absolutely terrified of them.

Somehow, I managed to get a spot on the barrier without any pushing or shoving. I wound up in the pocket where the main stage becomes turns into the catwalk, right in front of where Andy Fletcher has his set-up. On either side of me were two other women who also were there by themselves. They were nice enough to talk to me and keep me company while we waited.

The show, though.

My consciousness went… somewhere else. I can’t really compare the feeling to anything else I've experienced. I've been to some other really singularly wonderful concerts, to see bands and musicians that I have deep emotional ties to, but none of them have been like this. It's the combination of being part of the masses down on the floor, on the barrier, exhausted and sweating and euphoric, with the power and intensity of hearing and seeing Depeche Mode perform live. I was hyper-aware of everything happening in front of me. Time did something strange, it crawled by so slowly and yet it was over before I could register what happened. I was an outsider there, but I felt like I was part of this massive collective, all connected by our desire to be there, our love of the music, united for a few hours, and I was so aware that everything that was happening on stage and around us was happening to eary one of the people in that arena at once.

The sound of the ignition at the beginning of "Stripped" reverberating in your rib cage, the driving, head-banging riffs in "I Feel You," the cosmic outro of "Cover Me," the field of wheat arm-waving during "Never Let Me Down Again" -- having it all happen to you, at that volume, at that frequency and intensity, is like having your soul yanked from your body and cast into decadent oblivion.

Honestly, it was a blur. But as far as I can remember, highlights included:

The additional songs from Ultra! Unexpected, but very much appreciated.

Experiencing Andy Fletcher's ridiculous awkward dad dancing up close and in person. There's a lot of hype about Fletch's moves, but let me tell you, they exceed any expectation.

Martin. Martin sang "Sister of Night" AND "Judas". I was overcome. People talk about singers sounding like an angel, but Martin L. Gore is the only person in the history of music that saying actually applies to in full.

And Dave. If he was anything like he was at this show when they were at the DC show, I missed the fuck out. Because yes, he performs to the whole arena, even to the people in the very back, but it's altogether something else to watch someone that animated up close. He's tapping into some energy and fire to fuel his work that I've only rarely seen in other artists. Dave Gahan never phones it in, he always performs like he's got jet fuel for blood and like every show really means something. He is outrageous on stage, in every sense of the word. He is endlessly inspiring, and deserves so much recognition and respect.

Philadelphia:

That said… to me, it seemed like the band as a whole was having way more fun at the Philly show than they did in Berlin. I can't put my finger on the specific differences, but they seemed lighter, more pleased with their work, and maybe genuinely surprised at the warmth of their audience in Philly. Martin smiled a lot more at the Philadelphia show, and Dave seemed looser, maybe less tired after a double in Germany.

The Philly gig on June 3rd was the best, by far, out of the three. The second US leg of the GST was announced and I, of course, being the way that I am, thought, "FUCK IT WHY NOT" and magically got a floor seat ticket right in front of Martin's side of the stage after the general tickets went on sale. And it was worth every penny and a short train ride from Baltimore.

I met a few more very nice people, a couple from Florida (whose first show had been cancelled due to the major hurricane last year) and a solo lady sitting behind me who let me join their conversation. And the man sitting to my left was British? European? So he also knew all the things the audience is supposed to do during specific songs that I learned when I was in Berlin. There were definitely some bastard people in the crowd, even down on the floor, terrible people who clearly weren't enjoying themselves, but the high energy of everyone else made it easy to shift focus to the band.

The set list was very similar to the one I heard in Germany, with the exception of two of Martin's songs from Music For The Masses and "A Question of Time" right before their closer -- "Personal Jesus." But again, the performances and mood behind most of the songs at the Philly show seemed lighter, more playful and mischievous (on Dave's part). And the time really flew by. I missed "I Feel You" in the set list, but that's a very minor criticism of what was, over all, a miraculous third show out of three very powerful concerts.

Epilogue:

The general consensus among fans is that this may have been the last big tour Depeche Mode have. They may keep recording together and separately, but another tour on this massive scale is unlikely. If that's the case, I'm so glad I found a way to see three very different shows on the Global Spirit Tour. I can’t imagine experiencing the same exact feeling these shows gave me; I certainly didn't feel the same at David Byrne's awesome American Utopia tour show this summer, and I don't expect the feel the same when I see Nick Cave in October.

Depeche Mode, especially now, at this stage in their careers, during this time in American and world history, and for me personally at this specific point in my life as I age out of my 20s, have been a source of sanity and compassion, of deep feeling and social commentary. Their music touches maybe the parts of myself I'm too scared to look at head on. After going through some of the things that have happened to me as an adult, and as I figure out the kind of person I want to be in the coming decade, obviously there are certain themes resonate with me more than they did when I first discovered DM as a teen. I am grateful to have had circumstances happen the way they did to lead me back to Depeche Mode, to delve deep into their music and history.

Those three shows changed the my standards for seeing live music. After being front row for the Berlin concert, how could I ever go back to being content sitting up in the second or third tier for any arena show? I've been spoiled.

And after a few months have passed, when I think about my experiences over the course of the Global Spirit Tour, it doesn't quite feel real. There are a few other concerts I've been to where when I think about it, I think, "Did that actually happen??" (Namely seeing Danny Elfman in Los Angeles on Halloween, 2014. Absolutely bonkers.) Seeing DM in Berlin is definitely one of those moments already, not even a year later.

I look forward to the future of their music. If Depeche Mode tour again, and that's a big if, the furthest I would travel to see them is maybe the UK, but hopefully that won’t be necessary! However, I absolutely would go see a solo show, if Martin or Dave ever had shows anywhere even remotely close by. I would absolutely travel to New York or LA to see a solo Martin show or Dave with Soulsavers. From what I can tell those venues are usually smaller, so it would be easier to have a more enjoyable, intimate experience.

But that's all there is. Nothing more than you can feel now, that's all there is.

Until next time.

Photo by me, Jan 19, 2018

[boardoflife]

While RePlay FX 2018 has its roots in a festival for pinball enthusiasts, it has developed nicely over the years into Pittsburgh’s premier gaming invention, a locus for not only pinball and old school coin-op video games, but console and tabletop games, as well as a showcase for cosplayers and gaming inspired musical acts, such as Super Thrash Bros and The Triforce Quartet.

We’ve attended RePlay FX since its inception, so this marks the fourth year of our attendance, and every year the convention seems better and more vibrant, with not only higher attendance but a high caliber of attendees, which is to say that everyone you meet there is super nice and only interested in getting their game on. And, as all the games are set to free to play, there is a lot of gaming going on at any given time.

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The Staying Power of the Arcade Experience

Vintage coin op video and pinball games remind us that the novelty of technology can outlive its general use; that old often means not irrelevant or unentertaining, but proven playability; that newness can disappoint when compared with vintage classics (case in point: RePlay FX’s classic Rampage, a much better game than the updated cinematic one at Dave and Busters); and, that though the times change, past treasures will continue to find new fans, like my seven year old, who did not want to leave the pinball games. While my guess is that 99 out of 100 kids would play pinball if they had the opportunity, outside of RePlay FX, few habitats remain for these classic games.

Which is not to say that there isn’t new tech here, such as the Twitch broadcast of vintage gaming competitions, just that part of a successful technological culture may be acknowledging its age, enjoying the hybrid edge created by the fusion of the old with the new, and recognizing the virtue of old machines in which design and programming coalesced into something not only addictive, but classic. Certain old video games create not only an experience, but an aesthetic, that humans living in any decade would appreciate, and it is this unique entertainment signature that continues to attract players to the game, regardless how old and clunky the interior or the cabinet. While the cell phones of 1995 are laughably obsolete, you can imagine people playing a 1979 Asteroids or a 1982 Ms. Pac-Man in future centuries or on another planet, so that at least until humans have different eyes, different hands, and different brains, these games are not technologically obsolete, but technologically immortal…at least, as long as humans remember how to repair these games.

Games Played

As you can tell, I really love these old video games. A veteran of every RePlay FX, this year was not about the nostalgia of rediscovering old games, not about playing now what I played then, but about replaying all the games that have transcended my nostalgia to become something that I really, really enjoy playing now. For the two days of our RePlay FX experience, a 1982 arcade lived and breathed, because that was the way I once played games. So that, rather than playing a smattering of different games, I accumulated Centipede, Galaga, Tempest, Ms. Pac-Man, Rampage, Battlezone, and Asteroids plays, and adding to that a play each of certain games for which I hold a curiosity or a shred of nostalgia, such as Saito’s Superman, Xenophobe, Frogger, Missile Command, Space Invaders, and the slower Pac-Man games (which usually sent me running back to the speedier Ms. Pac-Man). As I’ve mentioned in past reviews of RePlay FX, not every vintage game is good; for every Asteroids or Tempest, there are ten that aren’t so good, and only gazing at them through the pixellated glasses of nostalgia will tempt you into seeking a playable game there. Defender, I’m looking at you.

Another evolution of my RePlay FX experience is that this year I played a lot of Centipede. I attribute this to the fact that in previous years, my enjoyment of RePlay FX was partially about the nostalgia, and Centipede was not one of the best-loved games of my childhood. When my attention shifted from nostalgia to a pure gaming experience, one game of Centipede led to another, and now I would like to tell twelve year old me to play more Centipede.

The third trend in how my RePlay FX experience is changing is that I’m playing more pinball, which is the by-product of my son’s fascination with pinball. In previous years, while I played a few pinball games, I was mainly interested in the art values of the machines. At each pinball game my son played, he wanted to play it several more times, and this zeal rubbed off on me to a degree, so that I watched his games with growing interest and played a little more myself.

If I have any regrets about my arcade experience at RePlay FX 2018, it’s that I didn’t play more Joust, and never played Gauntlet. It wasn’t for lack of trying, but because, whether it was due to its popularity or my luck, Gauntlet was never unoccupied, and my wife and daughter took every chance to play Joust. (Not that I should complain, considering how long I made them wait between turns on two-player Ms. Pac-Man.)

Being RePlay FX veterans, we played only coin op games on Friday, when the lines are lighter and you can go game to game. Even if you’re champing at the bit to play Tempest, which we were several times, you’ll eventually find one by going with the flow, game to game. By comparison, Saturday we played guilty pleasures, those coin op games that are in bad taste for one reason or another, such as Saito’s Superman in which the Man of Steel throws fireballs, adding another apocryphal power to Superman II‘s cellophane S and amnesia kiss. There is never a line on Saito’s Superman, and I do like to play it when I find one.

Saturday is also a great day to learn a new boardgame, as while this was the biggest and best year for the tabletop area, there were always available chairs. This year we taught ourselves Kodama: The Tree Spirits, which, though we weren’t able to finish, seems not only like a fun quick game, but one of those elusive four player games that also plays well with two players. While the game materials are average, the art values are high, so Kodama‘s competitive and strategic aspect is also accented by the visual pleasure of crafting a tree bearing flowers, mushrooms and caterpillars.

Kodama (2nd Edition) Board Game

An Area of Opportunity and an Exciting Development

The only area in which RePlay FX has not exhibited much growth is in their alley of vendors, which has not increased to match the pace of this burgeoning convention. This may be the vendors’ fault, I imagine, as it seems like there are nothing but missed opportunities for merchants at RePlay FX. For instance, on Saturday, the board game area had 50-100 people seated at any given time, and there was only one tabletop game vendor at the convention.

Although Vendors aren’t savvy about RePlay FX yet, several indie game creators attended and brought playable games. While an arcade game developer attended a past RePlay, if indie game designers start to see RePlay FX as a viable showcase for their work, this could be an exciting development for RePlay FX that might lead to RePlay growing to something like a Pittsburgh version of PAX, or–fingers crossed–a hybrid event with tabletop developers as well, adding that je ne sais quoi of GenCon.

The most striking indie game was ParaLily, a puzzle sidescroller that had three of us enthralled for about twenty minutes. While it is not yet available on Steam, here is some in-game footage:

Conclusion

Once again, RePlay FX brought the dazzle, the pixels, and an arcade glamour to the David L Lawrence Convention Center, transforming the hall from a rectangle of only so many dimensions into a brightly-colored platform bearing the backdrops, levels, and stages of many games. In this galaxy of games, the fun is universal, not only for coin op gaming fanatics, but for gamers of all stripes, cosplay enthusiasts, families, and anyone else looking for a broad spectrum of entertainment.

Cross-posted on NerdSpan.com. Board of Life uses affiliate links.

RePlay FX 2018: A Review of Pittsburgh’s Gaming Convention While RePlay FX 2018 has its roots in a festival for pinball enthusiasts, it has developed nicely over the years into Pittsburgh's premier gaming invention, a locus for not only pinball and old school coin-op video games, but console and tabletop games, as well as a showcase for cosplayers and gaming inspired musical acts, such as Super Thrash Bros and The Triforce Quartet.

[callunawrites]

By the grace of the fire and the flames You're the face of the future, the blood in my veins

Heather’s Top 25 38 Songs of 2017!

saturn — sleeping at last // run baby run — the rigs // the brothel (lidolido remix) — susanne sundfør // can’t pretend — tom odell // capsize — frenship // undiscovered first — feist // feeling good (bassnectar remix) — nina simone // kings — tribe society // river — bishop // human — rag’n’bone man // believer — imagine dragons // feel it still — portugal. the man // girl, you’ll be a woman soon — rafferty // wise enough — lamb // say you’ll be there — MØ // holiest — glass animals // the greatest — sia // bogeyman — johnny hollow // to be human — sia // strangers — halsey // cities in dust — everlove // history — monakr // messiah — prides // i shall rise — karen o // in the sea — ingrid michaelson // i put a spell on you — annie lennox //  personal yeezus — chambaland // gold — imagine dragons // which witch — florence & the machine // thunder — imagine dragons // take me to church — hozier // trouble — valerie broussard // pure feeling — florence & the machine // battle royale — apashe // i may fall — casey williams // not today — bts // is this love — the governors //  sweet dreams — mark hadley ft. dresage

short version | long version

So, the thing is, this mix was originally a whopping 262 songs. That’s 17 hours of delving into my headspace. I know this because the mix in full can be found on spotify, for those adventurous enough. By the end of the year, there may even be more!

The original 200+ can also be found in month format, for those that don’t feel like dealing with... all that. I’m actually a little sad that I don’t get to talk about every single one of them, though I’m sure it would have gotten tedious in the end.

i. saturn || sleeping at last I’d give anything to hear You say it one more time, That the universe was made Just to be seen by my eyes.

This was, according to my last.fm data, my second most played song of 2017. Well, third if we count the song that racked up 10,000 plays because I left it looping on my computer for a week. Whoops. These first four songs on this mix are my Mcshep songs. But also, Sleeping At Last is lovely. There’s several other songs by them on the full mix, but this one is by far my favorite. ii. run baby run || the rigs So wait, keep your heart inside  My hands won't keep it safe I'll just feed on dreams & smile as hope slowly dies. 

And here we have my most played song of 2017, which I’ve basically been listening to nonstop ever since I discovered @randommindtime‘s Mcshep fanvid. It is absolutely earthshaking, entirely haunting, and just all around a beautiful song that describes John Sheppard and all of his issues to a T. 

iii. the brothel (lidolido remix) || susanne sundfør We are ruins within ruins On every corner a gladiator is begging for another century

I’m not sure why this is such a Mcshep song in my mind since I first discovered it as part of a really ridiculously awesome X-Files vid, but my guess is it got thrown into a playlist between two Mcshep songs and was forever that in my head. Fun fact, I only recently, when making the spotify version of this playlist, listened to the original version of the song.  iv. can’t pretend || tom odell Oh, feel our bodies grow, And our souls they blend. This song is the only song that has made it onto all three of my year-in-review mixes. I originally found it in 2015 as part of a Bioshock vid and then last year I rediscovered it in the form of @randommindtime‘s other amazing Mcshep vid. And honestly? I haven’t stopped listening to it since. I have no doubt that it’ll be on 2018′s mix as well. v. capsize || frenship Capsize, I'm first in the water Too close to the bottom I'm right back where I started Said I'm fine I found this song through either a Stydia or a Sterek gifset. I’m like... 90% sure that it was Stydia, because it was around the time that season... 6? came out? Whichever one that Stiles is taken in, and thematically it works pretty well for it. But, I’m equally sure I’ve seen a Sterek gifset for the same song. Whatever. It’s pretty and I like it. vi. undiscovered first || feist The height and the breadth, is it wrong to want more?

Gosh. Okay. So, Legion. Mindfuckery of a show that can basically be summed up in words like “acid trip” and “dance numbers?” and “omg aubrey plaza.” It was brilliant and horrifying and really, really cool. But what’s more, it had the best fucking music. The 8tracks version of the mix only has two songs from the show, but the full mix on spotify has six or seven.  vii. feeling good (bassnectar remix) || nina simone It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me And I'm feelin' good

This was the second song that I found through Legion. I mean, I’d heard the song before, but holy fucking shit. Like, I knew that I was attracted to Aubrey Plaza, but there’s every other character she’s ever played, and then there’s this role.

viii. kings || tribe society Lost in the world full of nonbelievers Searching for smoke in a stillwater pond A nothing king, they called a dreamer This is my life and I call it a song This and the next song I actually found because I had queued up feeling good on youtube while driving home from my friend’s house after watching that particular episode of legion, and youtube did that thing where it automatically queued up music afterwards? Only I lucked out that night, because the next six or seven songs were absolutely amazing. This was my favorite of those songs and quickly became my Horizon Zero Dawn theme song. ix. river || bishop Can't change the way we are One kiss away from killing

Another of the songs that I found that night! This one also got a lot of play while playing Horizon Zero Dawn.  x. human || rag’n’bone man 'Cause I'm no prophet or messiah You should go looking somewhere higher This song I’d originally found through the Mass Effect Andromeda trailer but it quickly became a favorite of mine.  xi. believer || imagine dragons By the grace of the fire and the flames You're the face of the future, the blood in my veins Even though this song has been in basically every fanvid since it came out, this was also solidly a Mass Effect Andromeda song for me, since I listened to it a bunch when I was playing the game. It’s one of the songs that I actually don’t mind coming on at work. xii. feel it still || portugal. the man Ooh woo, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now I been feeling it since 1966, now

I actually found this song before it got popular! The first time that it played at work/on the radio I was blown away, but I think the first time I’d heard it was on American Gods? At least I found it when I was watching the show. xiii. girl, you’ll be a woman soon || rafferty Well, I finally found what I've been looking for But if they get a chance they'll end it for sure Okay, so for anyone who is paying attention to this who lives in Columbus, I get my hair done at Virtue Salon, which is basically the best salon in the entire world. Even if you don’t live in Columbus, click on that link. Look at those pictures and tell me that isn’t the most adorable salon in the entire world. They have the best playlists every time I go in, and though I am not super fond of some of the lyrics to this song, I really love the slow croonyness to it. That was a really great day. xiv. wise enough || lamb I had a dream that all of time was running dry And life was like a comet falling from the sky I woke so frightened in the dawning, oh, so clear How precious is the time we have here

I first heard this song on the second season of Sense8 and I was struck by just how damn beautiful it is. It almost didn’t make this final list, but in the end I couldn’t count it out. xv. say you’ll be there || mo Any fool can see they're falling, gotta make you understand I'll give you everything on this I swear Just promise you'll always be there

I don’t actually remember what fanmix I originally found this on, but I remember that I was at the intersection of Clime and Harrisburg-Pike just outside the fire station when I realized that it was a gentle, gorgeous cover of a Spice Girls song and basically fell immediately in love.  xvi. holiest || glass animals Yeah, you're the holiest, holiest thing I know This song I found as part of this mix, which is basically a young holy lovers mix and just. has so much quality music. But this song was the first that really made me start looking at Glass Animals. I’d heard some of their stuff before, but never when I was paying attention, not enough for me to decide if I liked them or not. Up until the last month or so, this was my top played track. xvii. the greatest || sia Don't give up, I won't give up Don't give up, no no no

Yeah, there’s no story here. I just really like Sia. xviii. bogeyman || johnny hollow And now I'm dancing for the doomed and the damned And I'm advancing unassumed with dirty hands

Someone I follow on tumblr had reblogged this song back in the spring-summer months when I was feeling very aggressively reylo, and I just. I really like that fairytale where the innocent girl grows up and eats the monster. It’s a favorite of mine and part of the reason that I like pairings like reylo and darklina. xix. to be human || sia And what's the point of knowin' it If you can't change it?

This song came on at the end of Wonder Woman and I made my friend Alex wait until I’d listened to it before I let him leave the theater. I fell pretty rapidly in love with it. xx. strangers || halsey We're not lovers, we're just strangers With the same damn hunger To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all I won’t say that this is my favorite song off of Halsey’s new album, because that goes to Mourning, but it is the song that I listened to most. I’ve been toying with the idea of an original novel since around the time the album came out, and this song came on while I was plotting some of it out in my head. I really hope I end up writing it. xxi. cities in dust || everlove Your former glories and all the stories Dragged and washed with eager hands But oh, your city lies in dust, my friend  I think the first time that I heard this cover it was when I discovered this mix back in 2015. It was a mix for Holland from the Darker Shade of Magic series, but I ended up going back and listening to the mix again while I was reading the third book in the series. While driving to work one day, I realized how utterly perfect it was for Dishonored, and basically compiled my mix, the salt water sting, over the course of that day.

xxii. history || monakr Oh… when they write of us in history  lauded only for our victory  They don't never tell, never fail to tell They don't ever tell Oh…. other side in history 

So, back in the summer I read Hermione Granger's Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run, and it was absolutely fantastic. But in my humble opinion, the soundtrack that I discovered was somehow even better. I had to limit myself to only two songs from it on here, but a good half of them are on the spotify version.

xxiii. messiah || prides You don't have to lock the door I don't live there anymore.

This is the second song that I chose from that playlist, mostly because it ended up being the lucky track that had an extra play. 

xxiv. i shall rise || karen o They'll know my name When they've forgotten all about you 

I found this song well before I actually started regularly listening to it, and it ended up getting played around the time that I was mining for Dishonored songs for that mix, and those lyrics just called to me. Also, y’know, it’s a really great song. xxv. in the sea || ingrid michaelson No no don't rescue me I like the salt water sting

Another Dishonored song, this was obviously the song - and line - that gave me the title for the mix itself. I think I’d originally heard it as part of a Jaspis mix. xxvi. i put a spell on you || annie lennox I put a spell on you Because you're mine Okay, but this song in Annie Lennox’s smokey gorgeous voice just made me think of gay woodland witches and it was one of the best discoveries of 2017. xxvii. personal yeezus || chambaland Baby we livin' in the moment I've been a menace for the longest But I ain't finished, I'm devoted And you know it, and you know it 

Okay, so let’s talk about Atomic Blonde. It wasn’t the best movie I’ve seen this year, but it appealed to a very visceral, gay part of me and ever since I saw this trailer I was basically in love. I’m sorry, but if you weren’t at least a little gay before watching Charlize Theron have a torrid love affair with Sofia Boutella while simultaneously kicking ass and taking names... you will be.

xxviii. gold | imagine dragons Statues and empires are all at your hands, Water to wine and the finest of sands. When all that you have's turning stale and it's cold, Oh, you'll no longer feel when your heart's turned to gold. I... don’t remember when I first listened to this. I think it was at work? But I saw some really good fanvids, and honestly? I should probably just admit at this point that I just love everything that Imagine Dragons comes out with.

xxix. which witch | florence & the machine Who's a heretic, child? Can you make it stick, now that I'm on trial

I am like 500% sure that I fell in love with this song because @kaikamahine said something about it, because I first started listening to it around the time that I realized Fantastic Beasts had a fandom.

xxx. thunder | imagine dragons Just a young gun with a quick fuse I was uptight, wanna let loose I was dreaming of bigger things And wanna leave my old life behind

Yeah, I just liked it. Also, there have been some really awesome Thor vids to this since Ragnarok came out.

xxxi. take me to church | hozier Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life

I wasn’t actually sure that I still listened to this often enough to add it, but last.fm tells me that it’s my fourth most played song. I mean, it’s a great song, and you can be damn sure that if in a twist of fate Hozier releases an album next year, every single one of those songs will be on the 2018 mix, but it has been a bit.

xxxii. trouble | valerie broussard Dangerously having the time of our lives These boys are just poisonous thorns in our sides Starting fires wherever we go Watching em gamble everything they own I’m just going to direct you to this animation and wail about Six of Crows a lot. Weirdly enough, I think I actually prefer the unfinished version of it. Some bits hadn’t been added yet, but I really love the grittiness of it.

xxxiii. pure feeling | florence & the machine Those strangers carry me I'm lost; they're finding me I... don’t actually remember where I found this one. It probably has to do with @kaikamahine. Either way, I have listened to it A LOT.

xxxiv. battle royale | apashe Work on 'em put a little work on 'em Trigger finger in the air I put a little dirt on 'em

This song is stupid awesome to blare while driving home from work a little fast at 2 in the morning. Also, y’know, it’s just great in general. See, Steve Rogers agrees. Also, oh my gosh, there’s a new Black Panther one.

xxxv. i may fall | casey williams There's a place where we'll stand outnumbered Where the wolves and the soulless will rise In the time of our final moments Every dream dies

So, sometime in the last few months I let my roommate talk me into watching RWBY. I’ve been less than interested in the past because I’m an animation snob and I just... couldn’t. But I marathoned the whole series in like a week. There were three songs that stood out to me, but this song is actually the one that made me finally break down and give it a chance.

xxxvi. not today | bts All the underdogs in the world A day may come when we lose But it is not today Today we fight!

SCREECHING NOISES. MORE SCREECHING NOISES. I’m sorry, but it has to have become apparent by now that my musical tastes are influenced almost entirely by fandom, but fanvids in particular. This song is the BEST pump up song that I’ve found in years.

xxxvii. is this love | the governors Did you think this was love Is love a future of your kind Don't you think I would mind If I would wasted all my time I can't love if you lie This song. Made my year. It’s dark and sexy and a little fucked up, and came around when I was in the middle of reading the Grisha Trilogy and struggling with just how hard Darklina was hitting on every single one of my kinks.

xxxviii. sweet dreams | mark hadley ft. dresage I travel the world And the seven seas, Everybody's looking for something. 

This cover came out as part of the Wrinkle In Time trailer and I fell really, stupidly in love. This was actually a last minute addition, because I couldn’t stand it not being on here.

[chasingferriswheels-blog]

Brian Fallon has never known how to be anything other than himself. As the frontman of punk rock outfit The Gaslight Anthem, he made the transition to a purveyor of heartland-tinged Americana almost seamlessly on his 2016 solo debut album ‘Painkillers’.

The Gaslight Anthem have got 2018 off to a pretty brilliant start by announcing their return from hiatus to celebrate the 10th birthday of their breakthrough album ‘The ’59 Sound’, but when it came to creating that fabled ‘difficult second album’ of his standalone career, the New Jersey troubadour was faced with something of an identity crisis.

“I think when I sat down to write the record I was more nervous than I had ever been,” he admits. “I had to call a few of my really close friends, so I called Ted [Hutt, producer] who produced the record, and I spoke to a friend of mine, [singer-songwriter] Matthew Ryan, and I was just saying about how I don’t know what’s next or how I follow this up, because people really liked ‘Painkillers’.

“The funny thing was what they both said was that you have to just be yourself. That sounds so small to say, but at the end of it, you have to let things go because the reason people ever wanted to listen to something you did in the first place was because you were just being yourself.

“There was no audience in the beginning, so when you do it this time, you have to go back to that same mindset, you have to force yourself back there.”

As his forthcoming second album ‘Sleepwalkers’ evidences, ‘being yourself’ for Brian means being a man of many tastes. The opening beat of ‘If Your Prayers Don’t Get to Heaven’ is evocative of Stevie Wonder’s ‘Part-Time Lover’, while the guitars on ‘Come Wander With Me’ give off vibes not dissimilar from ‘Rock The Kasbah’ by The Clash. It’s a record which dabbles in Brian’s life-long love for soul, R&B and British rock ‘n’ roll in ways you never thought possible for the man to do.

“When I had the first idea for the record, I watched that documentary about The Jam called ‘About A Young Idea’. One of my friends said, ‘you’ve gotta watch this documentary’ and showed it to me because they knew I love The Jam. I watched it and it sort of set me off on a trip.”

This trip sent him off to rediscover continents and cultures which Brian has embraced since childhood, long before he re-planted his roots in grittier soil.

“When I was a kid I used to listen to Desmond Dekker and Laurel Aitken and The Bodysnatchers – before ska was ‘ska’ you know?” Brian says enthusiastically. “It was pretty much R&B music from Jamaica, and they brought it over to England where it became this other thing. I was letting everything like that in, and my R&B influences and my punk influences kind of gave me a foundation to build from that.

“When I wrote ‘Come Wander With Me’, I had a lot of songs written already, and I took a little bit of a risk with that one. I did the riff first, and it’s a very dub riff. I didn’t know whether I should sing over it because I’d never approached a song like that before. That was when I went back to The Clash, and you know how Joe [Strummer, The Clash singer] almost talks his lyrics? He’s not rapping, but it’s like hip-hop because it falls on the beat. I was just getting very inspired by that, and just said what I felt, and that’s what came out.”

Despite all this influence having a very profound effect on the more electric sound of ‘Sleepwalkers’ compared to its predecessor, it’s still unmistakably the handiwork of Brian Fallon with a sincere doff of the cap to familiar pastures of sun-kissed heartland rock.

“I wouldn’t say this is a very challenging record to anybody,” he assures. “There are some bits from The Gaslight Anthem; there are some bits from [blues side-project] The Horrible Crowes… It’s just a natural record for me, and I’m not trying to push any boundaries with it. I’m not trying to make any big statements or reinvent the wheel – I’m just trying to say, ‘hey, this is all the different things that Brian Fallon likes’.

“I’m proud of the whole thing, I think it’s a really solid start-to-finish record, but I would say that I’m proud of some of the rhythms we got and some of the soul and R&B beats that I’ve tried to do for a long time.”

After he came to the rescue around the writing of ‘Sleepwalkers’, Brian reunited with Ted Hutt to produce the album in New Orleans. It had been no less than seven years since the pairing had worked together on The Gaslight Anthem’s pivotal third album ‘American Slang’ and The Horrible Crowes’ ‘Elsie’ record.

“I’d just got home from the last tour for ‘Painkillers’ in Europe and I got a phone call the next day from Ted, and he hadn’t called me in a while,” Brian explains. “He was just calling to see how everything was, and then immediately the idea struck me about getting back in the studio with Ted.

“It had been a long time, so to get back together and to be able to just have fun again was really cool,” he adds on working with the man who also sat behind the desk for the making of The Gaslight Anthem’s ‘The ’59 Sound’ nearly a decade ago. “He’s the guy that brought all that stuff out of me about how you can let go and be yourself and not worry about people making fun of you, because that’s the biggest thing when you’re making a record.”

Returning to the studio with Ted for the first time in what felt like forever restored a feeling that Brian had struggled to embrace when his old band were at the peak of their powers, but also at their most scrutinised.

He recalls: “I don’t think any of us [in The Gaslight Anthem] were prepared for what ‘The ’59 Sound’ did, so when we recorded ‘American Slang’ there was definitely a heavy weight going on in the studio, which is probably why a record like The Horrible Crowes record was a reaction to the pressure.

“That’s why I went away and did that record because it was like I had to make music where no-one’s looking at it, and you’re not living under that lamp, because that’s a tough lamp to live under. It’s like everybody tries all their life to be successful, and then when you’re successful, you better know what you’re asking for.

“No matter what you do, someone will always have another side and another point of view, so you can’t worry about that, you have to just be you. I felt that recklessness in the recording, in just singing and yelling and screaming.”

The moment on ‘Sleepwalkers’ that signifies Brian stoking the fire in his belly is the single ‘Forget Me Not’, an upbeat folk-punk rager driven by the singer-songwriter’s most fervent vocal performance in years.

“There’s a bunch of vocal moments where I just got to let it out,” he laughs. “There’s a couple of tracks like ‘Etta James’ and ‘Watson’ where I really got to sing. I felt like I was Aretha Franklin for a minute, it was cool!

“We had so much fun just screaming that one ‘yeah’ in the middle of ‘Forget Me Not’, but it was just complete yelling madness. We were like, ‘let’s just make it as much like The Who as we can’. I must have done about 50 screams, and I was surprised because I could still talk afterwards. It felt good to sing like a 25-year-old again.”

Despite feeling more than ten years younger in the vocal booth, ‘Sleepwalkers’ comes around at a time where Brian admits that, as a 37-year-old father-of-two, he has started considering his mortality a lot more.

“The whole record is pretty real about the age that I’m at,” explains Brian. “Where you realise that one day you’re not gonna be here, and you’ve got to deal with that. I have kids now, so that really comes and slams home, and you see life as not infinite anymore.”

As doomy and gloomy as the proposition of an album addressing the inevitability of death sounds, Brian’s sophomore solo effort altogether takes a more hopeful tone than we’ve possibly ever heard from him before.

“I’m with Noel Gallagher, I wanna live forever, but I just don’t that’s possible anymore!” he chuckles. “It’s scary, and for some people, you can run from it, but on this record, I decided to sort of face up to it but not in a morbid way. There’s a big theme on the record of dealing with yourself not being permanent, and then also dealing with the joy of the fact that there’s a life here to be had.”

Even with that realist mindset, the record also marks the start of a new era of positivity for Brian Fallon. Having dealt with the divorce from his wife of more than a decade at the same time that The Gaslight Anthem were bidding farewell to the world – for now – he is looking ahead to the next wonderful chapter of his career.

“Everyone has these transitional periods in their life where everything blows up; it just happens to everybody. I had that start around the time of [The Gaslight Anthem’s last album] ‘Get Hurt’, and I was working it through it between that record and ‘Painkillers’, and then on ‘Painkillers’, I was working through the residuals and the aftermath.

“I ‘levelled off’, I would say, and I found my footing in my personal life and was able to feel like a person again. I’m not who I was before, but I’m okay with whoever I am now.”

Even as he nears the often-dreaded milestone that is the 40th birthday, life is still proving to be a constant learning curve for Brian. At a time mired by cruel unpredictability – politically, socially or otherwise – finding your idols is increasingly difficult, but Brian believes that there is more than meets the eye, especially in the things and people right in front of him. As the old saying goes: not all heroes wear capes…

“I think it’s always important to have some sort of hero,” he says in a more contemplative tone. “Sometimes you look too hard at celebrities or musicians or writers or artists, and I don’t think they’re equipped to be heroes. I almost think that in this day and age, you’ve got to find your own heroes in the people that are around you and support you, and the people that stand up for the right thing. Those people are what I would consider to be heroes.”

With that in mind, who does Brian see as his personal heroes?

“I find my parents are more like my heroes now. Especially with having little children and looking around at the world, I kind of wonder [if] I set them up to be in this world that’s going crazy. But then I look at what my parents did with me, and then I can see that you’ve got to just raise them right and then just teach them to be better than those people that are driving the world into the ground right now. Hopefully, the next generation is the generation that changes everything, so I think putting your time and effort into being those kids’ heroes is really important.”

Brian has also invested time in learning on a more practical level – in 2017 he started taking piano lessons, an ambition he had long postponed and another skill which has lent him a refreshing change of perspective.

He laughs modestly: “I feel like I’m refinding music in general because it’s such a new thing that I’m sitting down with no concept of and I’m not good at. It’s given me this appreciation for all the people that are putting their mind to something and working at it, and that’s exciting to me because I feel like I’m stumbling in the dark with this thing.

“It’s a joy that seems trivial and stupid – all the really good things in life can be dismissed so easily by cynical people just saying, ‘that’s stupid’ or ‘I’ve heard that before’. It’s hard to do, but if you just stop for a second and enjoy something, there’s so much in every day that you can find to lift your spirits.”

http://www.upsetmagazine.com/features/brian-fallon-album-interview/

[tswiftisjesus]

I’ve told this story 1000 times but I will tell it again now.

When I was in 8th grade, (maybe 7th), I was at home and a song came on our TV (back when radio was on a TV channel.) Anyway, this song was called Tim McGraw, but it was sung by a woman. Well, a 15 year old at the time. I saw the name, @taylorswift was the singer. I asked my stepdad, hey wait, isn’t Tim McGraw a singer too? We totally both second guessed ourselves and ended up googling it. And the answer was DUH. 

I liked Tim McGraw, but I liked it much more as I got older and sentimental. Taylor really hooked me when she released Teardrops on My Guitar. That was it. I was a goner and I was following her to the ends of the Earth at that point. 

For reasons I cannot explain, I completely missed the fact the Fearless tour existed until it was over. I’d like to blame it on my age, but I knew of other artists touring so I just straight dropped the ball on her first tour. 

Speak Now was my first tattoo. It’s in the font of the album and single cover, and it's the closest color I could find to the single cover. I would go on to get They’re Burning all the Witches tattooed in a copy of Taylor’s handwriting from the reputation magazine on my arm. 

Speak Now was also my first Taylor tour. I went with my dad, after realizing AGAIN that I almost missed her tour. After crying on the phone DADDY HELP ME THE STUBHUB MARK UP IS NOT THAT BAD... we went. He even had fun, his favorite song of hers is Mean. (PS we should bring that back given the current climate). I loved how Taylor wanted the show to have a feel of a Broadway play, as I also love Broadway. I thought it was beautiful. 

I regret not going to RED tour. I was going to a lot of musicals around that time, and I didn’t love RED at first. I didn’t love it enough to spend money on tour tickets, and I regret that to this day. I would not make that mistake twice. 

I think we were all nervous about 1989 to some extent, especially with Shake it Off as the lead single. But the day that full album dropped I’ll be damned if it wasn't one of the greatest pieces of art I had ever, well, heard. I knew I was going to tour before it was even over. And I did, I went with a friend of mine, he and I had been friends since High School. While he will never admit it publicly, he loved her performance as well, although he is not formally a Swiftie. 

When Taylor went on break, I, like everyone else, was sad. But I knew she was probably tired and I just clung to her old albums for dear life while she was gone. It was in this break I rediscovered RED and fell in love with it. By the time I went to Boston for vacation in September 2018, I was listening to RED in the Public Garden on the Robin Williams bench. If you haven’t done so, I highly recommend it. 

reputation came and I was knocked on my ass. I’ve already mentioned I got the I Did Something Bad tattoo on my arm, I couldn't get to the shop fast enough. I loved the album, I loved the feel, I loved the take no prisoners persona. I loved that Taylor was HAPPY. We all did. 

 The Lover era is upon us. I love ME! I know a lot of people don’t, but who cares. It makes me happy, and that’s what Taylor wanted, to be happy and have fun. At least we agree on You Need to Calm Down, well, most of us anyway. 

Sunday, June 30, 2019

What should have been a day where I was going to just watch the Pride Parade on TV and go to the gym turned into a frenzy. Before going to the gym I checked my phone and saw the news. After having someone explain to me what happened, on The World According to Taylor Swift Facebook page, I was floored. How could this be? I know something similar happened to Walt Disney when he lost Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, and Disney didn’t get the rights back until 8 years later, when Walt had been long gone. I fear this will happen to Taylor. 

Does it have to though? Can lawsuits be filed? Can artists come together and take on record companies? I have no idea. But I hope they try. 

I have been here for Taylor through all of this, as you all have. I have admitted the mistakes I have made in this essay. No one is a perfect fan. But being there for our girl is what matters. 

@taylorswift @taylornation I love you. You are strong and will get through his. 

[icefireeclipse]

Ice’s Annual Post for 2017

Below is a list of cool/important/interesting things that I did during 2017 in order of month. They’re mostly in order by when they happened but a few may be out of order. The list is long so I put a Read More underneath if you’re interested. Enjoy!

January

Played Home is Where One Starts on Steam

Started watching Sailor Moon Infinity Arc

Started playing Pokemon Moon

Finished Jumin’s Route on Mystic Messenger

Had to drive to work at 6am because I forgot to return a button

Finished Seven’s Route on Mystic Messenger

Started re-learning my French just in case I move to Europe

Started considering moving to Europe after I finish college

Started my 2nd semester of college

Saw Hidden Figures in theatres

Met the woman my father began dating (spoiler alert: I like her)

Helped my mom and sister with tearing out the carpeting in the living room so we can get new flooring

Got a Robin Amiibo for an early birthday present

Cooked something for the first time this year that wasn’t ramen or hot chocolate

February

Celebrated my 19th Birthday

Got locked out of my car for the 1st time, coincidentally on my birthday

Got Pokemon Sun as a birthday present as well as a water bottle and some gift cards

Ran into an old teacher of mine from elementary school

Visited the World Market for the 1st time

Tried a candy bar from Britain for the 1st time

Learned how to make coffee

Started rewatching Ben 10 Alien Force

Finished my training at my job

Went to a seminar about refugee’s for my Diversity class

Signed up for a college tour that I ended up not going to because of Mother Nature

Played Awkward Dimensions Redux for the 1st time

Finally got into the main story for Mass Effect

March

Went to see Logan in theaters

Saw Finding Dory and Sausage Party for the 1st time

Got my dad a jar of herring for his birthday

Finally made a playlist on Youtube just for music

Started playing Penumbra Overture

Got my first $2 bill this year, and frankly first one in Many years

Continued to play Mass Effect

Bought a hot chocolate at a gas station for the 1st time

Purchased Mass Effect 3 off of Origin

Got a Origin account just to get this game

Spent the 1st day of spring getting a car wash

Rediscovered my love for Halestorm

Started listening to more music by Set it Off (instead of just 1 song)

Pre-registered for KitsuneKon 2017

Went to a Transgender rally for the 1st time

Went to a rally of any kind for the 1st time

Wacked a pinata for the 1st time in a few years

Played field hockey in a college room

Attended a girl choir concert for the 1st as a member of the audience

April

Finished Penumbra Overture

Started watching Season 2 of Shingeki no Kyojin

Came out as Queer to my Diversity Class (1st time I came out in public not to friends or family)

Decided to minor in Political Science along with my History Major

Joined Reddit

Downloaded  We Were Here and Medusa’s Labyrinth on Steam

Finished Mass Effect for the 1st time

Played through Mass Effect a 2nd time as a Renegade Sentinel

Attempted to use my debit card for the 1st time

Finally visited my great grandma’s grave after 7 years

Started watching Clannad

Got a gift card for Easter

Got free food at work because of Employee Appreciation Day

Started a test draft for The Fire Underground

May

Finally finished Huniepop

Started playing Serena but didn’t like it

For the 1st time, I have a friend of mine who works at the same job as me :)

Finished my (technically) 1st year of college

Played Super Smash Bros in order from 64 to Wii U for the 1st time this year

Redid the floors and got the kitchen walls painted at my mom’s house

Started working on painting and adding new floors in the living room too

Purchased Alan Wake on Steam during it’s Sunset Sale

Watched Tom Holland’s Lip Sync Battle (Yes that’s important)

Stepped into a Spencer’s for the 1st time (though it was only at the very front of the store to look at posters)

Started planning for my new Yarny cosplay for Kitsune Kon

Watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 twice in theatres

Bought a bikini for the 1st time (I usually only wear a tankini while swimming so wearing a bikini is huge for me)

Watched Steven Universe: Wanted and fell in love with Lars all over again

Worked during Memorial Day, but got paid more because holiday :D

Got my 2nd smartphone ever, a Samsung Galaxy S7

Ate a sandwich with a square bun for the 1st time

Updated my blog theme for the 1st time this year

June

Witnessed a felony traffic stop with arrests and everything for the 1st time

Celebrated my cat’s birthdays by giving them catnip

My parent’s divorce was finalized, same day as my cat’s birthday

Played Emily is Away for the 1st time

Returned to Mirai Nikki, an anime I never finished

Only just figured out Patrick Swayze died via a documentary (oops)

Attended my friend’s graduation party

Finished my 2nd and 3rd simultaneous playthroughs of Mass Effect

Started playing Mass Effect 2 and Life is Strange

Finished Episodes 1 and 2 of Life is Strange

Found out what the Grapefruit Technique is for some reason

Donated to Markiplier’s Charity Live Stream for Ablegamers

Kathryn mentioned my name (Icefire), my comment and thanked me for donating! :D

Purchased over $59 worth of games during Steam’s summer sale including Bioshock, Mirror’s Edge & Dragon Age Origins Ultimate Edition

Finished Life is Strange Episodes 3, 4 and 5 in the span of a few days

July

Played Blade Ballet for the 1st time

Played Monopoly and hung out at irl friend’s house for 3rd of July

Purchased Gone in November on Steam

Started watching Big Brother with my sister

Made a Yarny doll for the 1st time

Used an ATM for the 1st time

Attended Kitsune Kon for the 7th year

Almost didn’t make it to the con because I had stomach issues the morning of the con

Bought a lot of buttons, posters and dvd’s, etc from the con

Debuted my Yarny cosplay at the con

Went swimming for the 1st time this year

Continued unpacking things from my dad’s apartment before he moves

Toured the college I’m attending in January for the 1st time

Had to redo my financial aid application

Learned how to transfer funds from savings account to debit card. Horray for adulting!

Discovered the joys of Etsy

Toured my dad’s new house for the 1st time

Attempted to expand my storage on my Mac as I’m starting to run outd

August

Discovered StoreEnvy

Finished Mass Effect 2 for the 1st time

Began my application for transferring to a 4 year college

Finally put my posters up in my room at my dad’s house

Went Up North with my mom’s family for a weekend

Wore a bikini in public for the 1st time

Purchased VIP tickets to the Evanescence Concert

Bought VIP tickets for the 1st time

Found out my dad got engaged

Found and caught my 1st ever Shiny Pokemon (Shiny Haunter in Moon)

Tried VR for the 1st time

Went camping with my dad, his girlfriend and her family for a weekend

Started my 3rd and last semester at the technical college I’m at

Purchased Layers of Fear, Bioshock 2 and Remember Me on Steam

September

Met my dad and his fiancee’s new cats Ying and Yang

Officially got Accepted into the 4 year college I applied to

Finished Mass Effect 2 for the 2nd time

Started Mass Effect 3

Downloaded Origin

Bought tickets to see Diavolo from America’s Got Talent

Suffered from allergies for most of September

October

Attended an Employee appreciation day at my job

Visited a Counselor regarding my transfer to a 4 year college

Ordered a Christmas gift from my job

Finished Mass Effect 3 for the 1st time

Pre-registered for Kitsunekon 2018

Ate a fried egg sandwich for the 1st time

Submited my AP scores to my new college

Found a spring jacket that I lost back in Spring

Found over $20 in said jacket

Got an unofficial tour of the campus I’m going to in January by friend

Went to see Diavolo on tour 

Played The Old City: Leviathan on Steam

My job got a bunch of renovations (paint, appliances, new products, etc)

Purchased Soma, realMyst, Plague Inc, Undertale and other walking simulators during Steam Halloween Sale

Attempted to play Penumbra Black Plague but dealt with screen resolution issues

Started playing Layers of Fear on Steam

Caught Primal Kyogre with just one quick ball in Pokemon Alpha Sapphire

Finally beat Pokemon Alpha Sapphire after over a year of not touching the game

November

Turned in my “final” report for my Technical Reporting class

Went back to playing Pokemon Moon

Signed up for my classes for January

Finally got to see Thor Ragnarok in theaters after 4 years of waiting!

Got my “final” report graded, 96%!

Got back into the Thor fandom

Got my mom some bubble wrap and salt water taffy for her birthday (she loved it)

Started playing Overwatch for the 1st time

Discovered You Suck at Cooking Youtube Channel

Purchased a bunch of games for Black Friday (Overwatch, Dragon Age II and Inquisition, indie games, etc)

December

Had my annual review at the Gas Station I worked at and got a raise!

Went to see Evanescence in Concert for the 1st time since 2011!

Went to Madison for the 1st time in about 4 years (last time was just a few days before I started my Tumblr account)

Tried sweet Sauerkraut for the 1st time, it tasted okay but it was kind of strange eating sweet sauerkraut

Got my best friend some bubble wrap as a gag gift for his birthday

Went to my sister’s holiday choir concert

Finished a final and got a 90% on it (Ethics Class)

Procrastinated on said final and other final project

Got introduced to Round Planet by BBC

Finished Season 7 of Overwatch Competitive with Silver Rank

Started getting invested in Yugioh (abridged and the manga) 

Got the Synthesis (Evanescence) album for Christmas

Also got Pokemon Ultra Sun AND Ultra Moon for Christmas

My dad officially got married so I now have a step-family as of this month

Didn’t get to go to their wedding (it’s a long story)

Worked in Receiving at my job for the 1st time 

[vinylandvino-blog]

2017

What a whirlwind of a year. 

But... let’s go back a little further.

In early 2015, I was dating a boy and living in an apartment in Wilmington, NC. I had went to college in that city, where I met said boy, and after graduation we chose to stay so he could pursue his career. I watched my friends graduate and move on to careers and bigger cities, and I stayed in that apartment, with that boy, working a mediocre job in a cubicle for far too long.

Thankfully, sparing details, that relationship ended, and I was able to finally leave that small city, that lonely apartment, that cubicle job. I found myself in Raleigh for a few months contemplating my next move... when I chose to explore Nashville. I needed out of NC--out of this bubble I had built around myself. I needed to do something independent to prove I could make things happen for myself. I took a job in Nashville and moved 9 hours away from home. I met some of the most sincere people that I still see to this day. I laughed, I cried, I danced it out to god awful honky tonk music. I had done it--I had made a move to a new city by myself. I was ready to hone it in.

I started poking around for jobs in North Carolina. I missed my home state. I distinctly remember it was about 2 in the morning and I was on my laptop in my living room in Nashville when I stumbled across an ad for a marketing position in Asheville, NC. I remember applying and thinking “whoever opens my application is going to think I’m hammered because it’s so late at night.”

The next day, I got a call from John, the owner of a brewery in Asheville, asking me to come in for an interview. Fast forward--I got the job. I’m now the Marketing Director at UpCountry Brewing in Asheville, NC. I’ve pushed myself, challenged myself, and sent myself over the edge a few times. It’s the most difficult and rewarding job I’ve ever had, and I can’t begin to describe the things I’ve learned about the beer industry and myself. John’s a great teacher, and every day I’m thankful for this stressful marketing adventure. 

So, I moved to Asheville in February 2017. I roomed up with Emily, a girl I met in college and knew fairly well. I started working at this brewery and fell into a rhythm of go to work, go home. It was what I needed in the moment. I was slowly shedding Nashville and finding that sweet spot of good job, good location. I wasn’t paying attention to much else. 

June 2017--a boy from Philadelphia walks in to start his first shift as a server at the brewery. We shook hands and exchanged banter. Alex was 23 and had just moved to Asheville to pursue blacksmithing, so he waited tables on the side for cash. 

I remember that several weeks passed, and although there was an attraction, I shoved it way, way in the back of my head. As a manager, I wasn’t going to even flirt with the idea of dating someone on staff. Then, one Sunday, I had an interview with a blog reporter and rushed to the brewery for my noon appointment. I saw our brewer, Jordan, who told me that the reporter had cancelled his interview, so I had rushed there for no reason. I remember Alex was working, and as him and Jordan laughed at me for hauling ass to work when I didn’t even have to work, I threw my stuff down and ordered a beer.

Two beers deep, Alex’s shift ended and he was beside me eating food. He started asking me about The Odditorium, a bar directly across the street with quite a bit of character. “Let’s check it out!” he said. And we ran across the street, had a beer, and got to know each other. Then I went home. 

The next day I told him that I can’t date people on staff. “Oh, I already applied to three other restaurant jobs in the area so that I could quit here.” Ok... so that was a partial solution to the dating headache I had. I hadn’t dated anyone since that boy in Wilmington, who somehow took charge of my life and molded it to his convenience. I had rediscovered myself outside of a relationship, and I didn’t want to lose the fire I had finally ignited. I didn’t want to lose my identity now that I found it. I was terrified. 

Alex got his other job and quit UpCountry. 

And after weeks of wrestling with thoughts, feelings, emotions, most of them negative and leftover from my previous unhealthy relationship. That Wilmington boy’s words of emotional abuse still surfaced every once in a while. But Alex was a calm, patient pool of still water. He let me initiate, he let me work through my twisted thoughts. He didn’t pry. He was there if I needed him. And then I took a chance.

We’ve now been dating for a few months, and to be honest, I had no idea that a relationship could be this easy. I had always put mountains of effort into changing myself or appeasing the other party. It doesn’t have to be hard. Daily, Alex challenges me to be a better version of myself. To keep kicking ass at my job. To take the higher road. To get my ass on trails and hike. To fight the fights worth fighting, and to not waste energy and effort where it’s not needed. He’s met my family, I’ve met his. We took a vacation together. We’re discussing moving in together. A lot of people may say that we’re moving too fast.

Here’s what I have to say to them: there’s no timeline. There’s no appropriate step-by-step progression that ensures a successful relationship at the top. I played that game. I was planning a wedding with my ex, who I had taken all of the “appropriate” steps with, who I ended up leaving. 

My goal for 2018 is to live in the moment. Am I happy? Yes. That’s the most important thing. I found a guy who respects and loves me. I found a job that challenges me. I just put a security deposit down on a two bedroom house where Alex can blacksmith and I can finally live in my own space.

2017 was a difficult year. A lot of change. New city, new job, new apartment, new boyfriend. A lot of stress and fear came into play. Looking back, it was worth it. I am overwhelmed with happiness and eternally thankful for the people who chose to take a chance on me and who have helped me grow.

2018, I’m already in love with you. Cheers to all of you, friends. Try and take a moment--even just for a breath--to reflect on how far you’ve come. 

[nickkraft80]

They always come back.

My 2017 year in review.

January: The year started out with me still being down in the dumps over a break up. I ended up being more hurt when I stumbled across a blog written by my ex saying that the reason the relationship ended is because I was “controlling.” It hurt to read that because it’s far from the truth, but I needed to see that because it was one of the things that helped me move on. I was far from the perfect boyfriend but controlling is not my style. I also came to realize that I was still picking up the pieces of a bunch of wreckage that I created in my life during this relationship, and I probably had no business being in that relationship in the first place. I didn’t have my shit together then mentally. I didn’t know who I was and I wasn’t myself. I finally have my shit together but it took a lot of spending time alone, learning to love myself and embrace those who love me.

January wasn’t all me being down in the dumps. My best friend put together an awesome Birthday celebration for me. It started with me staying the night at her house, and then we went out for a birthday lunch, and snuck booze into the movie theater. We met another friend there and he still laughs about us cracking open beers in the theater. It was the first of several movie theater shenanigans we had in 2017

Later in the month I ended up getting back together with another ex who really broke my heart a year earlier. She realized she lost a good thing in me and wormed her way back in.

I also set the wheels in motion to have bariatric weight loss surgery.

February: The ex that wormed her way back in. I realized whatever feelings I had for her back then we’re not present at that moment. In fact I found her to be overly annoying. I knew I had to end it but still confused because of leftover feelings from my previous relationship I ended up stringing her along for February. It was wrong of me. She was being so sweet and making a concerted effort to make it work. I just couldn’t.

March: I finally worked up the nerve to end the relationship. I started spending a lot of time to myself, and time with my best friend in what we dubbed “Vodka Nights.” We would end up drinking, impulse ordering way more Chinese takeout then we could eat, making pizzas, and watching Rocky IV till we both passed out on her couch.

The hurt I was still feeling from heartbreak started to slowly drift away. I was rediscovering things I love like collecting Vinyl, and Horror movies. I started to really love being alive, and being Me.

April: I don’t remember much about April.

May: I ended up going to my very first three day music festival. I don’t remember much about the festival mainly because I was fucked up for the whole three days but Rock On The Range was a lot of fun. I even got told by a concession stand worker that I was more entertaining than The Offspring.

June: Not much to remember.

July: At the end of the month I had my bariatric surgery.

August: Had the month off work to recover from my surgery. I dropped about 30 pounds during the month. I also went to Buffalo, NY to see Guns ‘N’ Roses for the second time. I went to a Pirates game, and a punk rock party. I couldn’t drink at either of the three events being that I was still healing from my surgery. It was really hard being around a bunch of drunk people. I guess it was Karma paying me back for all the sobers who had to put up with my drunken shenanigans over the years. It’s a hell I never want to revisit. Being as fucked up as everyone else is much more fun.

September: The weight loss continued.

October: This is the month I hit 100 pounds total weight loss.

November: I got to be part of a filming for a Netflix special for my buds in Punchline. It was a lot of fun. Look out for it in spring 2018.

I also visited family in Albuquerque.

December: I had a great year. The compliments roll in everyday about how good I look. I’m content with who I am. I made some new friends this year. I feel great. I’m thankful I’m on the winning end with my lifelong battle with obesity. I’m ending the year tonight having shenanigans with the new friends. I can’t ask for a better way to end the year.

Bring on 2018. I’m ready for it.

[sunnybutsnowing]

2017

It’s three days until 2018. 

This year has been interesting.

I learned a lot. I hurt a lot. I cried a lot.

I was diagnosed with depression, and started fluoxetine. I think I’m getting closer to a derealisation diagnosis. 

I guess I just never thought I’d be here, if that makes sense. I used to think I was just annoying and attention seeking and that my feelings weren’t valid and I’m learning to accept that at least some of the reason why I act the way I do is because of my mental illnesses/disorders. Not that it’s an excuse, but it’s just comforting knowing that this is an illness and I won’t have it forever. Like, this will get better? I’m not just lazy and useless. 

My music taste evolved this year from driving to work and back everyday. I started listening to the actual radio, like top 40 songs. I got into Post and a bunch of other artists. I’ve recently discovered a new love for bands with female lead singers, which I used to hate. I’ve also rediscovered my music taste from 2015 and I guess in 2018 I want to start listening to more rock. Doesn’t have to be classic.

What else? Matt and I broke up. And I guess I’ve pretty much already moved on... It’s like the outgrowing your lover, endless summer afternoon thing. Everyone knows it should have ended a while ago but no one can do it. I guess I thought we would just make it work, but there’s only so much you can do, and only so much you can take. 

My job has also taught me a lot this year. I think if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I have a lot to learn. I used to kind of think I knew everything and was better than everyone, but I’m unbelievably townie. 

Be who you are. Don’t change for people. Don’t change in general. Unless it’s for the better, or you want to, or it’s organic. 

2017 was pretty shit, all together. I don’t remember much of it and I don’t know where I’m going with my life, but I guess I’ll see what happens. 

[wiremagazine]

FINDING NEVERLAND IS COMING TO MIAMI!

By Rafa Carvajal | Photos by Jeremy Daniel. Provided by Broadway Across America

Deemed "Far and away the best musical of the year" by NPR, Finding Neverland makes its way to the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts as one of the highlights of the 2017-2018 Broadway season in Miami. Jam-packed with laughs, enthralling visuals and catchy songs, Finding Neverland is a classic tale about imagination that will bring South Florida audiences closer to their childlike wonder this holiday season.

Based on The Man Who was Peter Pan by Allan Knee, and the Academy Award-winning Miramax motion picture by David Magee, Finding Neverland will be at the Arsht Center for a limited time, December 26-31, 2017. On opening night, Tuesday, December 26, from 6-7:30 p.m., the Arsht Center's Ziff Ballet Opera House lobby will host a very special Kids' Night On Broadway, inviting families to join in and enjoy some exciting free activities such as face painting, balloon artists, interactive fun decorating fairy wings and pirate hats. For more information and to purchase tickets, visit arshtcenter.org. 

I sat down with Billy Harrigan Tighe (Pippin, The Book of Mormon) to find out more about his background, character and favorite parts of the Broadway musical Finding Neverland.

Rafa Carvajal: Tell our readers about Finding Neverland and the character you play. Billy Harrigan Tighe: Finding Neverland is a contemporary musical twist on a classic story. Musicals allow characters to explore their thoughts and journey through song and Neverland is all about rediscovering life and inner voice. I love that this production allows us to dive into these character's imaginations and move their journeys forward through song. I play J.M. Barrie in this production. Barrie is the playwright of Peter Pan and our story follows his journey as he discovers the story within himself. 

RC: What is special about this Broadway show? BHT: This production illuminates everything that is magical about Broadway shows. It uses the live aspects of theater to explore a character's journey through song, and brings to life the imagination that is within us all. We use stage effects that are both practical and truly magical to create a show that invites its viewers to engage in their own creativity and "pretend" along with us, while also offering moments of truly astonishing stage magic. 

RC: What attracted you to your role in Finding Neverland? BHT: As an actor, I'm always drawn to pieces of theatre that are going to stretch my skills in a new direction. Finding Neverland offers me the opportunity to dive into a character that's a bit unconventional and explore what it's like to be a parent/guardian of four boys. 

RC: What is your favorite part of the show? BHT: My favorite part of the production is the last 10 minutes of the show. It's one of the few times the entire company is on stage, and also when most of the Peter Pan elements come to life. After spending two hours working together, it's magical to have a moment of quiet where we see the story of Peter Pan we all know come to life.

RC: What do you enjoy the most about performing on stage? BHT: I enjoy that for three hours a day, I get to channel whatever is going on in my own life and pour it into another character. I find that playing these characters allows me to step outside myself and forget about my own daily trials and tribulations. The best performing I've ever done has been when I'm having fun and enjoying the show moment by moment. So I try to focus on the story and having fun, and the rest of the world fades away.

RC: What do you remember from your first childhood experience with Peter Pan? BHT: I have two vivid memories of Peter Pan growing up. The first live show I saw at my local touring theater was a ballet of Peter Pan. I just remember wondering why none of them were talking. The concept of ballet didn't exist to me yet and I spent the whole time waiting for them to say the lines from the cartoon movie.

My other major memory of the Peter Pan canon of work is Spielberg's Hook. I was obsessed with that film, and I think the desire to be one of the Lost Boys is one of the reasons I wanted to be an actor. I thought as a kid how fun it would be to play on a set like that. Who doesn't want to play with swords and get into massive food fights? What a job that must be! After reconnecting with Peter Pan as an adult, I think I'm finally discovering a lot about why the message resonates from generation to generation. As a kid, the show was always about adventure and discovery. But now as an adult, I'm realizing how many metaphors about life, growing older, time, death are all cleverly placed throughout. So the reason it has such interest is because there's something there for everyone and the central themes are all universal truths.  

RC: What do you think our readers will enjoy the most about going to see Finding Neverland? BHT: This production at its core is a story about someone who has lost their way. J.M. Barrie has been a successful writer, he's famous, married to a beautiful actress and yet he's unhappy and feels like his life is headed in the wrong direction. I think many people look around and wonder how they got to where they are in their life and feel overwhelmed by the weight of adulthood. This show is about engaging with those who are closest to you and rediscovering the youthful zest of life that we all possess. Our show is a reminder that people and relationships are more important than deadlines and that every new day provides with a new beginning.  

RC: Describe Finding Neverland in 3 words. BHT: Imagination, creativity and hope.   

RC: What's your advice for young, aspiring musical theater actors? BHT: I always think this is a career where learning and growing never stops. As performers, your skills always need to be at their best. That means knowing what you're good at, while also acknowledging what you need to work on to grow to be your best. You're never done learning, growing and discovering. I still take voice lessons, work with coaches and see as much theater as possible. It's an obsession.

RC: Is there anything else you would like to share with Wire Magazine readers? BHT: I think it's important for readers to know that while our show is about the creation of Peter Pan, it's not just a show for kids. It's truly a show for everyone. So much of what our story is dealing with is about relationships and the original metaphors behind the messages in Peter Pan.

This was originally published in Wire Magazine Issue 49.2017