#relationships actually terrify me. oops thanks mom. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jaefluenza · 4 years

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My Fate Blooms | J.Jaehyun

“We can’t happen..”

Genre: royal!au, angst, fluff

Pairing: fisherman!jaehyun x princess!reader

Word count: 14,4k words (oop- and that’s a long ass ride)

Summary: You never imagine meeting your own prince charming, but somehow, you did. He’s not a royal, nor a conglomerate, but you found yourself falling deeper into him. But of course, nothing works easily for you, the next queen of the northern kingdom.

playlist; Give You My Heart - IU; I Miss You - Soyou; Sweet Night - V; Sunny days, Summer nights - Sam Kim; Like You - So Soobin, SOHEE; Let Us Go - Crush; But It’s Destiny - 10cm, etc.

“How much do I have to tell you, mother? I don’t want to marry that guy!” You throw away your royal necklace, pissed off by the routine of your mom always lecturing about how to be a graceful soon-to-be-married princess.

“He’s not just a guy. Watch your mouth, he’s the rightful future king of the southern nation.” Your mom put her hands on her waist, utterly shocked by how you behaved tonight. “Oh, you told me that as if I’m so clueless about it! As stubborn as it might sounds, mother, I don’t care!”

gasp! “How dare you speak like that to me.” She said coldly. How dare you slap your own daughter like that?

“Now, listen. Want it or not, you’re gonna marry the prince. I am doing this only to save the kingdom, the place where you get to enjoy every royalty and comfort even in your sleep. So, bare with it, princess. Do I have to remind you that every single day?” The queen raised her voice before leaving your room, stomping the floor with anger.

You let yourself fall, leaning your arms on the edge of your queen-sized bed. “This is not what I wanted.” You wipe your tears harshly, trying not to look weak even though no one could see your worse condition right now. “I just don’t want to marry an evil guy who will torture me in his dungeon, what is so wrong about that?”

The next day, you prepare your mental state that you have to wear a fake smile again as usual for the rest of the day. It’s an engagement dinner between two kingdoms, where you’d meet the person you don’t want to marry. You hate formal dinners and meetings like this, it’s boring and it’s just not you. You prefer eating alone in your room with your cats, or maybe enjoying dinner at the maid’s kitchen with Olly, your personal maid, rather than joining dinner with people you don’t even know. They aren’t even interested to know you, as what they care about is only about the kingdom and politics.

You feel one of your cats scratches your leg, making you wince in pain. “Shirley, as much as I want to play with you, I want to leave this goddamn room too. I know you’re bored, please hold on for a few minutes before I-” You turn your head up at a nudge in your left arm. “Are you crazy? Why are you talking to the floor?” Prince Han glares at you as if you’re a madwoman.

You rolled your eyes, “I’m talking to my cat. I’m glad that I’m not the only person here who thinks that this whole thing is boring.”

“So talking about me and the marriage is boring huh? I think you’re too idiot to realize that thousands of princesses of nations would kill to marry me.” Prince Han lifts his head proudly, making you cringe and you were glad he lifts his head high enough that he probably won’t see you making a face.

“Then, maybe you should marry those stupid blind princesses.” You rolled your eyes over and over again before you stand up and excuse yourself in front of all the higher-ups and leave the grand meeting room. Prince Han was not untrue at all. He has the look enough for the girls to melt by his graceful presence, and that was one of the reasons why your mother was so elated to choose him as the marriage candidate. But even though you know the girls would kill to be in your position, you’re sure that they would think twice after knowing what is the prince like in real life.

You got lost in your deep thoughts before someone interrupted you by taking hold of your arm. “Wait, princess.” You sigh when you heard the familiar voice, wondering why would he follow you out of the room. “What?” You turned at him, hands on your waist, and waiting for him to say what’s on his mind.

“I know that you despise this marriage, and as much as you do, I do too. But if this thing works we’ll get so many benefits. Just bear with it and be a good princess for once.” He looks down on your eyes, threatening them intensely as if there are fire coming from his eyes. “The benefit is for you, not me. Why would I trap myself in a relationship that I don’t wish to be in?”

He gets back to his former position, standing highly like a crown prince should be. “Oh, Y/n. I really hate to say this, but you don’t want me to take over, right? Once I take over the whole situation, you’re doomed. For now, I’ll stay put. So don’t get on my nerves, or I won’t take it well.” You stutter upon hearing the threat he sent you. This is what you hate about him, and the whole arranged marriage thingy. He’s a crude and abusive person. He knows how to put pressure on someone, especially you. You blinked in fear before he takes your silence as a yes and walks away.

“Just bear with it? Now he sounds like my mom as well.” You rant.

You put on your bathrobe, preparing for a warm bath after a rough day. “Finally, my lone time.” You dip your leg on the tub, feeling the warmth slowly surfacing your leg before sitting your whole body with a sigh in relief. “So warm.” Raised in the northern kingdom, you’re used to the coldness of the nation. Snow falls every two months and spring comes only when it wants to. You wear warm fluffy coats almost every day, as if the coldness of the people around you was never enough. You wonder if there’s a place meant for you to live in. You wonder if there is somebody out there who actually care for you, as a human and not a princess.

“This is crazy, this is pure madness.” You claimed to yourself as you start thinking of something crazy. An escape? A runaway? Sounds like life. Your marriage is coming in two weeks, you definitely have enough time to leave the cold palace and free yourself to smell the flowers, the life outside the dungeon you called home. And as if your thoughts weren’t crazy enough, now you start to think of the way to start the important mission to save yourself.

If there is not any charming prince who can save you, then you can save yourself, you thought.

“Ella, not now. I need to do some spying activities tonight. I can’t rub your neck at the moment.” You whine when your cat keeps following you around while letting out some meowing sounds which echoed around the hallway walls.

Ella walked away as if she understood your rejection to play with her. You shake your head as you witness her walking sassily with a seemingly visible scoff. “Dude, even my cats are breaking the rules. I’m a proud cat mom.”

You continue to spy around the palace, looking for some information that may help you leave the palace and all the terrifying things in it. You were walking around the hallway towards the palace kitchen when you heard the cooks and some assistants gossiping. You use the echoes of the grand wall of the hallway to catch what they are talking about.

“I heard the queen will be attending a party held in the southern nation. Of course, the princess will be forced to attend too. I pity her, most of her life spent on this kingdom, with no freedom or chance to find her own happiness. She never eats well like she’s supposed to in her age, because of her royalty image diet.”

You couldn’t hold your tears not to come when you heard how much the palace workers care for you. You pity yourself too, after all, the painful truth is instead of your mother, the only people unrelated to you were the only people who care.

So, the queen will bring you to the southern kingdom? That will be good timing! All you need to do is just pulling a good act in front of your mother so she might believe that you’ll come along with her, just in a different little carriage. And you officially do the plan.

“Mother, what kind of party would they hold there? I think I’m getting excited.”

Your mother gives you a look. “Why are you excited?” You tried to avoid looking so awkward like you have something to do which is actually true. “Oh! Are you finally getting closer to him?”

You sighed in relief mentally, before nodding excitedly at your mother. “Yeah! I hang out with Prince Han the last time he visited us. He is actually a funny person.” Duh.

“Okay, that’s a good thing! Thank god you finally make me happy!” Haven’t I?

“Well, they will be holding a garden party since it’s summer in the southern nation. I’ll prepare a beautiful summer dress for you, oh, I’ll have to make sure that my daughter, the fiancé of the prince, will be the most beautiful girl at the party!” Okay, this is great.

The party night comes, and the crazy idea of escaping your royal prison has been a big burden on both of your shoulders. You put an exciting act in front of your mothers and also other people. You can’t even feel your face after all the bold makeup they put on your face. The big luxurious dress tightly hugging your body makes you hard to breathe, you wonder if it will be able for you to run in this kind of dress. After all the servants leave your room, you go to speak to your cats.

“Sergei, my royal king. Please take care of the others while I’m gone. And you, Shirley, my royal queen. You should not wander off the palace because you will get hurt. Wait, I’m the one who’s gonna do that. Alright, whatever. Oh, and my baby princess, Ella. You’re the cutest baby of all the demons we got here. You can’t just come to people and ask for belly rubs cause... I’m the only one who can do that to you. If I’m able to come back, I’ll give you thousands of belly rubs and treats!”

All of the royal cats give you their unamused look as if they know that you won’t be able to escape this prison. “You guys think so too? Thought that I couldn’t make it out of here? At least, let me try.”

Your mother knocked on your door before entering the room. You quickly fix your gown and your hair, as if you are ready to leave for the party. “Hey, mother.” She smiled sweetly upon seeing your graceful appearance. “The prince will absolutely love you. Let him brag about his wonderful fiancé to the world tonight.”

“Well, there’s this thing that I would like to request for tonight, mother...” You started. “What is it? Tell me, honey.”

“Since I will be the most beautiful woman in that party, I want Prince Han to pick my hand himself as soon as I step out of the carriage. Which means, that I have to be in a different carriage from you. Can I ride in the diamond one, tonight?” You asked her nicely. Please say yes...

“That’s a great idea. Yeah, you should ride in a different carriage from me. Maybe you won’t be able to get back at the same time as me, right? You got to have a blast tonight! Sure, I’ll tell them to prepare the diamond carriage. My sweet daughter, I’m so proud of you!” She holds your chin gently, praising you for your wonderful idea. Little did she knows...

So you ended up in the diamond carriage alone, waiting anxiously for the right time to kick your horseman away. You glance over the window, looking at how far you’ve let the northern kingdom. Will you be ready for this? Will you be ready for whatever happens if you leave the palace, and the royal engagement? Are you ready for a new chapter in your life? Will you be happy? You don’t know, but something inside your heart says that it’ll worth for every single psychological torture you received in the palace. You take a deep sigh before opening the front door to the footman sitting behind the horses.

“Where are we now?” You whisper to the footman. “We’re about to reach the south side. In fifteen minutes, we’ll be able to spot the southern sea.” Great, we’re getting further from the kingdom.

“I’m so sorry, but... goodbye.” The footman gives you a disoriented look before losing his balance following your hard kick on his ass. He screamed loudly as he fell into the ground, rolling asides before losing his consciousness.

“That was a great ass-kick.” You praised yourself before taking over the handle ungainly. You stare at the horses in front of you with tactless eyes, realizing something. “I may have learned how to ride a horse, but now... I have four horses to handle?! Oh shit!” You notice the horses start to move like they’re mad. There was when you realized something, you don’t have any control over those carriage horses, and now they have no signal or tasks to do, and now they’re mad. The carriage starts to wobble, there’s no indication that it’s slowing down, even though the road in front of you is getting rocky and uneven.

You feel the wheels start to wobble out of place and when one of the wheels hit a quite big rock, the carriage was broken off from the horses. You watched the horses run away in agony before the huge carriage toppled over into a hole and you lost your consciousness.

You woke up with a lightheaded feeling as the warm sun rays stream right into your face. You glance around the room, this was definitely not your room. Not at the small windows across your bed, and not at how there’s a warm sunshine filling up the room. This is not the northern kingdom. So where are you?

The door opened before you know it, which makes you flinch at whoever coming into the room. “Oh, you’re awake?” Said a grown-up man with a tray of redolent food which you assumed is a bowl of eggplant and ginger chicken soup. You were left speechless, not because you don’t want to speak, but you don’t know what to ask first. There’s a lot of questions you have in your head, but you were blown away by the fine visual of this man.

“Uh... are you okay?” He asked with an awkward smile as he went closer to the bed you slept on. You blink as you stare right into his sharp eyes, and his pointy nose and his plump lips. Screw those girls who screamed about how much of an art Prince Han is like, they must have yet to see this man in their whole life before.

You watch him in awe as he puts the tray on the nightstand beside you. “Have some breakfast, you must’ve felt terrible last night.” He smiled, and oh, that smile would’ve killed thousands of women.

“Thank you very much. May I ask... where am I right now? And, what happened last night?”

He nods, and immediately sits down on the edge of the bed. “Let me introduce myself, I am Jung Jaehyun. I am a fisherman and so does my family. Last night, I was walking back home from the harbor when I saw a broken carriage in a pit of water near the northern kingdom gate. I saw a person on the edge of the hollow and that was you, so I brought you home and my family took care of you.”

You watched him as he spoke, focusing on his visual instead of listening. You were glad that someone this fine would save you last night. Sometimes, life is full of surprises. “Oh, I see. Thank you for saving my life. So, am I in the southern kingdom?”

He shakes his head, “No. Me and my family live in between the southern and northern kingdoms. Well, it’s safe to say that you’re in the middle of an unknown village. The people here live independently without a king. We keep our lives by being a fisherman or farmer and selling our yields at the market in the middle of the village.” He smiles as he explains where you are right now.

“Ah, I see. I never knew that there’s a little village between the northern and southern kingdom. Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Y/n, the prince- uhm I mean, daughter of Madame Yoon from the northern kingdom.”

You raise your hand for a handshake and he immediately shakes your hand. “Nice to meet you, Y/n of the northern.” It seems like he doesn’t know anything about the northern’s ruler, which is your mother. It’s great, he doesn’t have to know that you’re a princess of the kingdom. He probably won’t be your friend if you tell him that.

“The food smells nice. I’ll dig them in now..” you smiled before grabbing the tray and taste the food. He nodded before leaving the room, saying that he needs to prepare the toils for his work.

You quickly dig the food in, shrieking in awe as if you’re tasting the best food cooked by a world-class chef in all kingdoms. “Oh my god, who the hell cook this best quality food..” You finished the bowl within ten minutes, before rubbing your belly with satisfaction. “Ah, right. I have to wash the dishes, I can’t be a troublesome in this house.”

You grab the tray and the dirty bowls as you keep them steady on your hands. You were about to open the door when something catches your attention. “Oh, wow.”

You’ve never seen yourself in a simple dress like this. The outfit you wear right now is like the ones that your maids in the palace would wear. But you never knew that it feels really comfortable rather than the overwhelming dresses in your closet. Also, you feel so fresh that you finally feel some heat surrounding your body, for you’ve always been wrapped in coats since the northern kingdom is either snowy or stormy. “This is all new.”

What you saw first when you stepped out of the door was a little stairs. You use them slowly, balancing yourself as you kept the tray steady on your hands, when suddenly a voice greets you merrily. “Good morning, lady.”

You glance at the person and it turns out to be an older with a stick in his hands. You bow yourself like you used to greet older people in the palace. “Good morning, sir.” He laughed upon seeing you bow, gathering another reaction from everyone in the small house. You look around you, there’s a grandma in the living room, possibly the grandpa’s wife, and there’s a middle-aged woman in the kitchen who’s seemingly the mother of Jung Jaehyun, and finally, a little boy, who seems so excited upon seeing you.

“Ooh! She’s awake! Hi! I’m Yuno! Are you feeling better?” He waved after running in your direction, greeting you excitedly. You greet him enthusiastically, feeling warm that finally someone is actually excited to see you. “Hi! Yeah, I’m more than better! Thank you for asking,” you smiled. “Let me take care of the dish,” Yuno gives you his cute eye smile, which makes you pinch his cheek, thanking him in advance.

“Hello. Welcome to our family house. Though, our house is not as comfortable as the ones you live in.” The middle-aged woman approached you gently, smiling with visible wrinkles around her face. You shake your head in panic, “No! This is more than enough, madam. Thank you very much for saving me, I owe your family so much. Please tell me if there’s something I can help today..”

That afternoon, the family gathered around in the strait dining room. You sit next to Yuno, playing rock-paper-scissor. You laugh at how serious he was, tongue sticking out as he concentrates to guess what you’d pull out. After Jaehyun helps his mother, he goes to sit next to you, watching how you play well with his brother. “Hey, you two, do you want to go to the market this evening?”

Yuno looks at his brother, “Really? Sure! We have to bring Y/n to the market, I heard that they are selling some summer candies! You have to try it, Y/n.” Jaehyun looks at you, waiting for your reaction.

“Ooh! Candy? Yeah, let’s go!” You replied enthusiastically. Jaehyun tries hard not smile, even though your reaction makes him blush so hard.

As much as excitement fulfilled your whole body, you also worry about how people might recognize you at the market. Both kingdoms must be in great chaos now that you’re disappeared. Should you disguise yourself? But they will be suspicious of you. Well, since Jaehyun told you that this village is in the middle of an unknown area, you probably shouldn’t worry about your identity. You only pray that they don’t have any idea about the southern nor the northern kingdom.

“Hey, Y/n. Are you ready to go?” Jaehyun tilts his head upon seeing you daydreaming. You flinch when you see him right before you. “Yeah, I am. Let’s go..”

You watch the two boys messing around with each other as the three of you walked through the small patches with tall trees around. You smile in amusement, for there are no such things in the palace. Everything is fake, manipulative, and political. You can’t believe you finally found a simple life outside the palace, and now you feel happy because you left that place.

“Hey, we’re leaving Y/n behind... Y/n, let’s walk together!” Yuno goes behind to walk alongside with you. You smile and nod. Jaehyun also goes behind to your side and walks along with you. “So, that night when I saved you from the pit, I noticed that the carriage has diamonds in it. It was actually beautiful. Perhaps, are you coming from a wealthy family?”

You glance nervously at Jaehyun, confused on how to reply. “I..uh.. I was going to attend a party at the southern kingdom, before the accident. So, my mother gave me a beautiful carriage to go as a gift.”

He nods, and as soon as you see him about to open his mouth, you point at the shining market. “Oh, we’re here!” Yuno grabs your hand, practically dragging you to run with him into the market.

“Let’s try all the candies!”

That night goes perfectly for the three of you, after you discovered the little festival they held at the market. You spent the night playing happily with Yuno and Jaehyun. And now, it’s time to go back home. Yuno falls asleep on his brother’s back while all of you walked back home. He must be so tired after playing with you all day.

“Aren’t you tired?” Jaehyun asked you who’s walking excitedly beside him. “Not really, tonight was spent really well. I really enjoyed hanging out with Yuno. He’s a bright kid.”He smiled before he keeps his glances at you. “Y/n.. for a lost person in here, you look like you’re not planning to find your way back home.”

You look elsewhere, surprised by how he gives you such a strong point. “Well, I.. I want to go back home,” No, I don’t. “But not now.” Maybe forever. “I might’ve been here for only a day, even so, I enjoy being here. I’d like to stay longer, I promise in two days, I will get myself a place to stay.” Jaehyun narrows his eyes, “Why would you get yourself a home? Just stay in our place, if you’re comfortable with it.”

Your eyes lit up in delight, “Really? If that so,” You nodded. “I’ll stay and become your family member. But, won’t I be a burden or something? I mean, I eat quite well, hehe.” He chuckles upon your frank remarks. “Well, who said you can live in our place for free? There’s a fee for that.” You widen your eyes, already panicking inside for you don’t have anything with me except your wrecked party gown and the accessories.

“Assist me in the ocean and help my mother with farming. That’s what you have to do.”

You sighed in relief, “Oh, thank god it wasn’t money. I thought I’d have to remove all the diamonds on the carriage to pay my rent fees.” He laughed upon seeing your face, which makes you feel like butterflies are flying around in your belly.

The next day, you found yourself trailing behind Jaehyun as he prepares the toils. You feel unfamiliar with all the equipment around him, and you don’t know what to do to help. “Uh, Jaehyun.” You called him timidly. “Yeah?”

“Is it gonna be rough when we sail? Well, I’ve never been in a fishing boat before...” You told him timidly, folding your hands anxiously in front of him. He stands up from his spot, his hands on his waist. Is he judging me?

“Don’t be scared, I’ll protect you... I’ll make sure that you’re safe.” Oh, the smile that gets you every time. At the moment, you feel like it’s a deep promise coming out from him, as if he will always protect you from all the chaos you’re surrounded in. Jaehyun pats you gently, before signaling you to come with him and you only trail behind him, smiling like a stupid girl.

You stare at the man, his arm muscles appeared strong and prominent from bringing the fishing equipment in both of his hands. You spot the most easy thing to bring in his left hand, the fishing bucket with a few tools in it. You grab the bucket from his hand, smiling coyly. “Let me take care of this one. I want to help with whatever you need.”

He smiled sweetly, “Thank you. You know what, this is my first time having someone other than my father on the boat.” You give him a disoriented look, “Oh, is that so? Well, have you bring Yuno before?”

“Nuh-uh.. he’s a scaredy-cat.” Jaehyun shakes his head quickly and you just laugh.

Fifteen minutes later, you found yourself shaking in fear as he turned on the boat engine. He takes both of you to the fishing spot between the limitless ocean and the shore. “There we are.. let’s make sure that we catch a lot of fish today!” He shakes in excitement.

You asked him to teach him and as soon as you spread out the fishing rod, the hook starts to shake. “Ooh, ooh!”

“Pull that in! Roll it, roll it.” You tried to do it, but you were too scared to pull it properly. “I.. can’t!” That was when Jaehyun thought he could help, but...

gasp! He got the fish, which is a good thing, but the position of both of you right now.. is not quite right. His hands are around you as he was hugging you from behind, previously because he was in a hurry to catch your first fish, and he had no time to check what to do with the position. His body was so close to you that you could smell his manly smell.

Jaehyun moves his body away from you, blushing madly while showing his innocent dimples. “I’m sorry...” No words are coming out from you, as you still processing what just happened, until he speaks up again, “Here’s your first fish..” You happily look at the first fish you have ever in your whole lifebefore you frown in disappointment. “Awe, I killed it.”

He laughed at your expression. “Cute... it’s okay, can you hold it?” You glance at the poor fish, trying to hold it until it jumps in front of you, while you gasp in shock. He once again laughed upon seeing you shake in fear. “It’s only a fish, it won’t hurt you.”

You tried once again to be brave in front of him, reaching out your hand to grab the breathless fish, when it stayed and you finally grab it with your own hands. “Hey! I did it!” You happily put the fish into the bucket and gives him an ear-to-ear smile. “Good job, you got your first fish.” Jaehyun only watched you being happy with catching a regular fish for the first time, but what he’s feeling is extraordinary. It’s like there are a lot of things going on in his stomach, and he’s just praying that you won’t hear the loud beating sounds coming from his chest. He doesn’t even understand why his heart is beating so fast like this.

Night comes, and you found yourself sitting at the front porch of the small house, gazing at the stars. Even though you love being here, you can’t help but worry about what you should do onwards. You sigh, not knowing what to do, and feeling unsure of life. You’re scared that he and his family will find out about who you are, and you’re gonna lose all the happiness you feel throughout this little new journey. You feel like, everything will get back to where your life used to be, and that everything will be temporary.

“What are you doing?” Someone taps your shoulder, making you flinch at the sudden contact. “Oh, hey. Nothing, just stargazing.” Jaehyun sits behind you, looking at your face instead of the pretty view of the sky. “What are you worrying about?” He asked once again. You turn your head from the sky to him. “Do you really want to know?”

“Yeah, you know.. you’ve become a part of this home. We, especially Yuno, love your presence here. You make him very happy, you know. So, I- uhm I mean we, want to help you keep your smile too,” He explained. “Honestly, do you know who I am?” You asked. He tilted his head, thinking hard, before he answers, “Uh, Y/n, the daughter of Madam Yoon, from the northern?”

You laugh wholeheartedly. “Yeah, that is right, though. But the truth was more than that. Are you sure you want to know?”

Jaehyun realizes that this matter has become serious and he decided to appreciate whatever you might want to tell him.

“Even though I am so embarrassed to say this, I still think that you have to know the truth. I..” you paused with hesitation. You were so scared that he might turn against you after knowing that you’re someone he was not wishing to be. “Hey... it’s okay. Whoever you are, and whatever happened about you, I will give my support.” He smiled as he put his hand on top of yours, somehow soothing your worries away.

“I.. actually, am a princess. I am the true heir of the northern kingdom, the daughter of Queen Yoon, Y/n.” You confessed with a glassy eyes, staring right at his eyes, looking for a certain reaction. He says nothing, but his eyes widen in shock. And you knew what he’s going to do, which makes you prevent him from doing so. “Don’t bow! Do not.. bow to me... I don’t like that!” He blink in nervousness, but then sit back to his earlier position. “But, you’re a royal family member.”

“No, as long as I’m here, I’m not a royal family member. I’m your friend, your family. See, as soon as I told you about it, it gets awkward between us..” You sigh in advance, not knowing what to do with the situation. Jaehyun kept his mouth shut, before using the opportunity to get to know you more. You immediately tell him everything, about your engagement with the southern prince, and your political mother, and your life as the only princess in the southern kingdom. You also told him about how the carriage accident wasn’t an accident.

Jaehyun sighs, “What should I do? N-no, now that you’re here, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna hide here forever? I am pretty sure that they must have been searching for you everywhere. It can be dangerous for you,” He said with worries in his eyes.

You feel so grateful that even though you’re the only one being a burden in his own house, he still is worried about your safety. So, this is how it feels when someone actually cares about you, without any personal needs in between. “Jaehyun, I don’t think you should worry about me now. The only thing matters right now is your family. The fact that I’m here, is dangerous for all your family members. They are not playing when they come to seek what they want,” you explained.

Once again, he gives you his soothing smile, showing you his deep gummy dimples. “It’s alright, Y/n. I just want you to know that you’re not alone, and you’re more than worthy to be cared of, I’m here for you.”

The next very morning, you help madam Jung in the field to grind the rice under the shiny and warm sun rays. “The view here is so beautiful. I love staying here.” You uttered. Madam Jung smiled at you, admiring your beautiful figure even though it has been an hour and you still look like you’re fresh out of the shower.

“I’m glad if you’re happy being here. I’ve never had a daughter, and you make me feel like I have one. Thank you so much for coming into our household, Y/n.” If heart eyes are real, you’d say you saw them in her eyes. That makes you feel appreciated and accepted. All this time one of the things you have been looking for in life is validation. And started by how Yuno greeted you that day, you found out what validation feels like. “No, the one who should say thank you is me. Thank you so much for accepting me in your house, and because of your son, I can make it out alive. I owe your family so much. One day, I will pay it off to all of you.”

The tall trees line up around you, and at the edge of the cliff, you can spot the limitless blue ocean. There was one time when you went to the ocean, and the very next thing happened was you were drowned in the sea, slowly getting dragged by the alluring waves. That is why you always feel so nervous every time Jaehyun takes you to the sea, but with him, you can sense the protection and calmness he gives you. You know that you’ll be alright when you’re near him.

So, now that he walks beside you to the shore, you no longer feel nervous or jittery like you used to feel. You walk happily beside him, swinging the fishing bucket playfully as the wind gently blows your hair. “The weather is so nice today! It’s the best day to go to the ocean.” You fling out your hand, feeling the warm summer breeze. “So, are you not afraid anymore? Last week when we sailed, you were shaking so bad I thought you wanted to pee or something.” He teased.

You let out a mischievous smile, as you look at him from behind. You were about to tickle him when suddenly a bunch of girls surrendered him with flowers in their hands. “Good morning, Jaehyun! Perhaps, did you have breakfast? I brought you breadsticks and milk!” The most charming girl in the group greeted Jaehyun with a tone that makes you cringe. “I brought you flowers! It’s Bougainvillea... do you like it?”

As the girls surrounded Jaehyun and bombarded him with lunchboxes and flowers, you feel yourself get kicked out of the crowd. You quickly pout, looking at him giving his smiles to the girls, so you decide to walk ahead of him to the shore. “Hey, Y/n! Wait for me,” he shouted at your direction before jogging into your side, and the girls following him after.

“Jaehyun, who’s this? Perhaps, your cousin?” One of the girls asked. Jaehyun looks at you awkwardly, not knowing how to answer. “She’s... she’s my..”

You cut his words, “Girlfriend. Yeah, I am his girlfriend.” You give them a mischievous smirk, as they gasp in shock. “No way, there’s no way he has a girlfriend!” You look at Jaehyun, whose eyes are wide awake at your remark. “I-i.. uh... yeah, she is.” Your smile only gets wider when you thought that you won in front of the girls.

After the girls disappeared, both of you continued the walk to the shore, and here you both now, in front of the boat. “Uh, actually, I.. I said that I’m your.. girlfriend, to make them get away from you. Is that okay?” You asked him because the rest of the walk was filled with awkward silence and you hate awkward situations. “Yeah, uhm, it’s okay. Thank you for saving me, I guess...” He gives you a little smile.

As you both head to the fishing spot, you try to think of something to start a conversation. “I didn’t know you are that famous in this village.” Jaehyun looks at you, shaking his head in advance. “No.. I’m not.” Before silence takes over the small boat.

You sighed, “Why did you become so quiet? Are you upset about what I did earlier?” You asked frankly. He looks at you with an unpredictable expression, which makes you feel so anxious. He also sighed, before shifting himself closer to you. “Honestly, I was so shocked, when you said those words... I..I might’ve imagined if what you said was real.”

This time, it’s your turn to widen your eyes in shock. “What do you mean?” You asked with a tiny voice. “I might’ve hoped that it was real, too. But.. you are too far for me to reach. You actually are.. someone who I can’t just go and walk with, you are too far above me, Y/n.”

You look at him with disbelief, “What makes you think so? I am also a human, Jaehyun. The thing is, if we share something in common, we can be something more than this. What you imagined can be real, because I’ve been feeling the same too.”

“Really?” He asked, before you nodded and pull him into a delicate kiss. His hand slid behind you, holding you closer to his body. He loves the way you feel so sweet in his lips. The innocent kiss continues under the blazing sun, as the both of you close your eyes and forget everything at the moment.

That day becomes the happiest day in your whole life as you walk hand-in-hand with him, smiling as you both start to count the days as lovers.

It has been a month since you live with the Jungs and you’ve become pretty close with few people in the small village. Jaehyun introduced you to the villagers, and they loved you, except the girls who were in love with the most charming man in the village. He taught you a lot of life lessons, which made you want to stay near him longer.

You knew that both kingdoms of Southern and Northern are holding a big search for you around the domain, as not too long ago, Jaehyun and Yuno found a newspaper with you on the cover. That was how the family found out who you actually are, and to your surprise, they support you and want to protect you. They helped you put a disguise on yourself and let the villagers know you as a different person.

Sometimes, the southern guards and armies come to the village to check, but it’s quite hard for them to inspect the whole village because the villagers loathe them, since they became an independent village.

“We have to get in and check the whole area, you can’t forbid us when you don’t have any authority around here.” The chief withstand the higher-up when they stand against the village gate, resisting the armies to enter. “Have you forget? This area is not under the authority of the Southern, so why should we open the gate for your people? We had an agreement.”

You watched bitterly behind a big oak tree, curiously trying to find out what has been going in your kingdom. When you were about to leave the scene, you heard a familiar voice from the crowd. “Good afternoon, gentlemen.” You gasp, Prince Han?

You quickly run towards the Jung’s house, hurriedly looking for Jaehyun who turns out fishing in the ocean at the moment. You ignored Yuno’s concerned holler before locking yourself in your room. You feel your tears fall like a waterfall as your body shakes in fear. The trauma of him pulling your hand harshly, frequent shouting at your face, and threats over the kingdom are taking over your mental state.

Madam Jung knocks on your door, concerned by your weird act, presumably told by her youngest son. “Y/n, is everything alright? I’m here to help you, sweety.” When you heard her soothing voice, you moved to open the door. Madam Jung was startled when she saw you crying like a mess, but she remained calm as she makes the both of you sit on the edge of the bed. “What’s wrong? Will you tell me?”

“He’s here... he’s here.” You repeat the same words as they are the only thing in your head right now. Madam Jung doesn’t fully understand what you’re saying but she only hugs you to calm you down. A few moments later, Jaehyun rushes into the room, panting loudly like he just ran in the marathon. “Yuno told me something bad happened, what’s wrong?” He looks at his mother, and then you who’s crying loudly. Madam Jung shakes her head, having no clue about what happened that makes you shake in fear.

Jaehyun goes to take over you to his body, hugging you closer as you lean your whole weight on him, still trembling in fear. “Hey, it’s alright... I’m here for you, we’re here for you.” Jaehyun helps you breathe properly and you gain your calmness right away. You let out a big sigh, before looking up and trying to speak.

“Prince Han... he’s here. I saw him trying to convince the villagers to agree to the inspection. What if he found me, Jae? I’m scared.” He sighed, knowing that this kind of thing will happen as he knows that Prince Han is the most capable person in the country. “It’s alright, we’ll find a way. Do you believe in me?” You nod right away, for you believe that when you’re near him, everything will be alright.

Meanwhile, in front of the gate, the prince spotted you running away from the crowd. He actually saw you hiding behind the tall oak tree. It’s not Prince Han if he doesn’t have a pair of eagle eyes. He calculated every path you left while trying to convince the higher-ups to allow him to inspect the area.. “I’m not here with my men to wreck this beautiful independent village. I’m here to bring you fortunes. Would you like to have something in exchange? Come on, I know that this beautiful village will be happier if you get a little bit of power to your economy. Isn’t that right?”

After an exchange of advantages, the higher-ups let the armies enter the village. Prince Han and his horse immediately go towards the route you took that leads to the forest.

After discussing an alternative plan, Jaehyun decided to hide you in his boat, and sail you to a deserted island that he frequently visited during the fishing season. But Yuno informed him that the armies are getting near, so he decided to put you in the small basement of his house, which used to be a small boat workshop. He told Yuno to hide with you. So there you are, with Yuno under the darkness. You knew Yuno is not a quite brave kid, so you hugged him tightly, making sure that he feels safe.

After a while, Prince Han found the house in the middle of the woods. The first thing he saw was an elderly woman sitting on the front porch. He greeted the woman as he climbed down his horse. “What a good day, ma’am.”

Grandma Jung knows what to do, this is not something she unexpected. She greeted the prince warmly, like she used to receive a guest. “Hello, young man. What can I help you?”

“We’re having an inspection around this area, and allow me to introduce myself. I am Prince Han from the southern. I’m looking for a young woman who probably has come here, seeking for help. For she was poorly lost by an accident that happened around here a month ago. That woman is my lovely fiancé. May I perhaps, look around your house?”

Grandma Jung tries to act like she has no idea about it, “Oh, what a poor young man. We never had a guest nor someone seeking for help these past few months, but you can go inside.” Prince Han entered the house as soon as he got the permission. He checked through the house, but he found nothing. There were no traces of you that he could find, until he entered the last room upstairs. The room was filled with nothing but a shabby interior that he was about to close back the door until he spotted something shiny in the drawer.

He furrowed his eyebrows while approaching the old cupboard. He opened it and smiled in satisfaction. He found your tiara. He quickly excused himself out of the house before calling all of his men to leave the village, promising the higher-ups of the villagers to make his promise as soon as possible.

A week later, there is no army of the southern looking for you anymore, and your days become calmer than before. But being a protective lover ever, Jaehyun never brings you out of the house ever again, and madam Jung never brings you along with her to the field either. You spent your time playing with Yuno and doing housework.

Today, you were cleaning the front porch when Jaehyun prepared himself to go to the shore. “Be careful, alright?” You smiled as you put your hands around his waist, feeling his warmth against your body. “Yeah, I’ll take care of myself well. And you too, shall stay in the house and don’t go anywhere. Wait for me to come home, alright?”

You nod, “Alright, my prince.” He rubbed your nose against yours, before cupping your cheeks gently, and gives your forehead a peck. After he left the house, You get inside to play with Yuno as usual. You love your routine now for you used to live a dull life as in learning how to walk like a royal princess, and taking political lessons almost every day. But now, all you got to is doing fun activities, as in playing cards with Yuno, cleaning the house, and having a good deep talk with the grandparents.

You were about to take a nap upstairs when Yuno excused himself to go outside to play with his friends until you heard Yuno’s yells at the front door. You vaguely hear him scream, “No! Don’t enter the house, you bad guy! Ouch!” You immediately went to the noise until you freeze in your spot. The guy you feared the most is in front of you. “How’s life outside the palace? Fun? In this miserable place? Are you happy?”

You stutter upon seeing the mess in front of you. You look at Yuno on the floor as he cries in pain, possibly pushed down by the monster in front of you. “You don’t know what kind of mess you put into both of the kingdom, princess.” You ignored the threatening sounds coming out from his mouth. You think of what possibly happens if you keep insisting on being here. The possibility of this family getting hurt because of you, oh, you don’t want that.

You look at the prince’s eyes, begging him to give you mercy, but it looks like he won’t give you what you want. “T..take me with you.”

Yuno stops his crying, “No. Y/n! You shouldn’t go!” You look at Yuno with a sad smile, “No, Yuno. This is my time to go. Please tell your brother my goodbye. I’ll visit if I have time.” No, there will be no time. This is my end.

You surrender yourself to the prince’s hand as he takes you on his carriage. You glance at Yuno and the house for the last time. Maybe happiness and freedom was not meant for you. But the short moment you had there was a gift for you, and you couldn’t forget that forever. Your moments with Jaehyun, all the sweet kisses, and love you received from his warm family, there’s no way you could forget them.

Prince Han takes you straight away to the palace of the northern. The cold breezes blow against you as soon as you stepped out of the carriage, reminding you of how cold and dull your life used to be. You quiver in the cold, as the only thing you wear right now is only the summer dress madam Jung made for you. Prince Han noticed your trembling figure and decided to put a little stunt in front of the people who surrounded the place to see your arrival back to the kingdom.

He puts his coat around you, putting a fake smile as the people cheer for you both. Little did they know, the words he spat on you while he’s on his little sweet act, “Behave, little princess. Or I’ll show you what happened to bad girls since I’m the one who takes over the whole situation now.”

You tried to fake a smile in front of the people as they cheer loudly for you. You only watch bitterly as the spokesman announced your arrival loudly for everyone to hear. “The lost princess is brought safely by her fiancé, the prince of the southern!”

You were brought to the queen’s room, still trembling from the cold and also fear. You stare ahead as the guards open the door for you and you step into the room, timidly presenting yourself. “Mother...” you quietly uttered.

The queen turned herself quietly, while you expect a harsh slap on your cheeks. You close your eyes tightly, head hanging low to the ground, waiting for words spat in your face. But instead, you were wrapped in a big hug. You feel your mother’s tears on your shoulder as she starts to sob on your shoulder. You open your eyes slowly, trying to absorb the surprising moment.

“My daughter, my child.. oh my sweet daughter. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. You’re the only family I have in this huge palace. Don’t ever get lost again... please.” You start crying as soon as you listen to her wailing. “Mother.. I’m back..”

“Thank you for coming back alive, my dear...” The queen mumbled. You nod, feeling relieved that finally, your mother accepted you for who you are. “I’m sorry, mother. I’m sorry...” You cried harder in her arms like a little baby. You feel your mother shakes her head lightly, slowly turning your head to face her directly.

“No, don’t say sorry. While you’re gone, I have reflected on what I’ve been doing to my own daughter, and I was really terrible.” She paused before crying again, “From now on, Let it be your own happiness that happens, dear. Let’s pursue it together, that’s the most important part. I will love you with my whole life as a mother.”

“I will not lose you again, my dear.” Your mother finished the heartwarming reunion with a tight hug, and that day, you finally eternally full.

Meanwhile, outside the door, Prince Han was listening to the whole conversation and he felt like something bad will happen. He was not going to let that happen.

The first week of coming back as the royal princess was great, you start doing what you like to do. The queen lets you learn things that she used to strictly forbid you to do. However, even though you’re doing what makes you happy, you still feel somehow empty. Yeah, you’ve been missing him. Jung Jaehyun, and also the little warm family. You never separated officially from him, so you wonder how he’s been doing and if he misses you too.

It has been bothering you so much that you start to space out during breakfast and dinner. The queen clear her throat to wake you up, and you flinch from that. “What makes you look so bothered? You’ve been out of place lately.” You pucker your lips in response, sighing loudly. “I really want to tell you this, but please don’t get angry.”

The queen nods in agreement, she smiled widely at how you’re eager to tell her something. “Whatever it is, I’m listening.” You fold your hands on the table, preparing the words to say to your mother. “So, when the carriage toppled over and I lost my consciousness, someone saved me and brought me to his house.” Your mother cuts you off, “His? As in, a man?” You pouted once again, “Yeah, but hear me out first.”

“So, his name is Jung Jaehyun, and he was a little bit older than me. His family welcomed me very well, and I got close to his little brother as well. I helped the family as in fishing in the ocean and grinding the rice in the field. Amazing, right? For the first time, I lost my trauma in the ocean, and I also know how to fish!” You tell her excitedly.

She nods as she gently caresses your head, admiring your experience while you were out of the palace. “You were what? Fishing in the ocean and.. grinding the rice in the field? Terrific!”

“Yeah, mother. But the thing is, after knowing him for almost a month, we shared romantic feelings towards each other...” you uttered.

“You what?” The queen tries to get a hold of herself when she heard your shocking story. “Uh, so... did you date him?” You nod slowly. “Mother, he was the man I’ve been looking for. I love him. And every time he’s near me, I feel like my heart is about to burst. Even talking about him now makes my heart race like crazy.”

The queen adores your happy smile, witnessing how you fall in love reminds her that you’re no longer her baby, but an adult. An adult who can find her own true love. “Do you really love him?”

You blinked after hearing the question. What does this mean? “Yeah, mother. I love him so much. But if marrying the southern prince brings you happiness then I will-” The queen cuts you off. “No, let’s reverse that sentence, shall we? If being with that lovely young man brings you happiness, then I will let you be with him.”

Your jaw drops as if it falls and start touching the ground. You hold the neck of your fur coat tightly, while looking at your mother in disbelief. “Is that true, mother?” To your surprise, you didn’t hear it wrong as the queen nods in admission. “Oh, thank you mother, thank you very much! I love you!” You went to hug her while both of you laugh in happiness.

Two days passed and today is probably the best day for you, for the queen has decided to grant your wish to visit the independent village. You decided to bring the Jungs some gifts. You brought Yuno a cute royal summer outfit and your hand-baked pie. You brought Jaehyun a new and modern fishing kit, even though you went through a hard time looking for them, as the northern kingdom rarely fish in the ocean.

You excitedly step into the carriage, along with the queen. You hold her hand tightly, thanking her for granting your biggest wish. As the horses are running along with the carriage, you feel your heart beating very quickly. Finally, we’ll meet.

The carriage stops in front of the small house. You look around as the tall trees bring you a lot of memories. “Finally...” you mumbled. The horseman opened the door for you and seconds after you stepped out of the carriage excitedly. “It’s kinda hot in here..” The queen mumbled. She takes off her fur coat to adjust well in the semi-tropical weather. “Trust me, mother. The weather is so refreshing! We can feel the sun every day here!”

Yuno goes outside after hearing all the noise. His eyes widen upon seeing your arrival. “Y/n!!!!” He came running to you like he used to do every time you woke up in the morning. “Yuno! Oh, you don’t know how much I miss you!” Yuno hugs you tightly, as if he doesn’t want to lose you again. The queen smiled upon seeing your interaction with the little boy. “Oh, Yuno. Allow me to introduce the graceful woman we have right here, my mother.”

“Oh my god, the queen of the northern!” Both Yuno and his mother scream in delight. You didn’t even notice her standing in front of the door with shocks drawn all over her face. “Oh my god, Yuno. We shall bow to the queen.” Your mother holds madam Jung’s hands to prevent her from bowing, just like what you did to Jaehyun when you told him that you’re a princess. “No, don’t bow to us, for we don’t deserve it. Please take my gratitude for saving and taking care of my daughter while she was out of the palace. Here’s a little gift from us.”

Your mother ordered the horseman to take out every present you brought for the family, as madam Jung starts thanking the queen in advance. While the two are chatting like they already know each other for a long time, you feel yourself blushing hard even though Jaehyun is still not on your sight. You turn to Yuno, “Where is he?”

“Oh, he’s fishing like usual. He might be back in half an hour.”

And half an hour later, You feel his presence even before he reached the front porch. You run towards him, your smile only gets wider when you saw his startled expression. “Jung Jaehyun!” You shouted happily. But as strange as it might look like, but there is no sign that he looks happy to see you. The expression on his face remains flat. But you set aside the negative thoughts, maybe he was just tired, or maybe he just couldn’t believe that you’re here.

You immediately wrapped your arms around him, hugging him tightly that he feels like he can’t breathe. “I miss you...” you mumbled against his chest. You feel his hands wrapping themselves around you as well, before he pulls you out of his body. “Hey, I.. I, uh, didn’t expect you to be here.” You were taken back by the fact that he pushed you off, but the need to tell him everything takes over all of your questions as you smile widely at him.

“So, that was how my mother agreed to us being together. She also agreed to come here to meet you and your family. Oh, you don’t know how happy I am!” You told him excitedly.

He gives you a small smile, nodding lightly. “I see. But, hear me out, Y/n. On the day you disappeared, when I found out that you surrendered yourself to safe my brother, I did a lot of thinking.” There are thousands of expressions in his face which you couldn’t identify, but you decided to listen first. “What did you think of?”

“I think of how you’d live without me, you can be happy without me on your side. I realized that you’re no longer a person I can reach out as I please. Besides, you already have a perfect life in the palace, your mother finally loves you for who you are, and accepted you no matter what kind of person you are. I can’t protect you, Y/n. That gives me more reason for why I can’t get near you.”

As he explained, your tears fall along with your quivering lips. “Jae, I thought we talked about this. I said we can happen.” You shake your head vigorously, feeling broken that he wasn’t that excited after seeing you. “Please don’t tell me that kind of words, Jae. That is not right, cause I love you! I know that you-”

“No, Y/n. Don’t let me repeat myself. We can’t be together. I’m so sorry, Y/n, but maybe we just weren’t meant to be.”

Jaehyun gets up from the seat, ready to leave you. You get up as well, “You said we’ll find a way, and you told me to believe in you.” You cried hard for him to hear you. He turns his head to you, “That won’t work anymore.” He said coldly before leaving you alone.

That day, you went back home sobbing in the arms of your mother. Telling your mother that the love of your life no longer needs you, hurts the hell out of you. But even though the chapter of Jung Jaehyun just ended in the way that you don’t like it, the memories remain fresh in your mind. He remains beautiful in your heart.

Meanwhile, after leaving you alone to go further into the woods, Jaehyun gives himself time to break down. Holding out his emotions absorbed a lot of his energy, especially when he saw you crying. He really held himself for not hugging you right away, and tell you he was only lying. But he couldn’t do that. He’s more than nothing to even be allowed to touch you. His heart craves for you, but reality makes a great wall between himself and you, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

A month after visiting the independent village, your life has never been the same. Every day, minute, and second reminds you of him. But now, you have your own fight. A fight against the southern’s crown prince. You recently called off the engagement and he was so angry. The whole parliament of the kingdom agreed that a future queen doesn’t have to marry another kingdom’s heir. So, it’s safe to say the southern prince had a big grudge against you.

Today, another big news come to your ears like you were hit by a baseball bat. “What?” You stand up from your seat. “Did I hear it wrong, mother? You hired what?”

Your mother cringe in nervousness, “I think it might be a good decision to bring him close to you. Besides, he’s the one who agreed. I only asked once, and he answered yes right away. And it’s a good thing too because he’s the right person to be your personal guard.”

“Mother, he literally said that we can’t be together, why would he want to be near me. This is weird.” You put your finger on your chin, thinking hard even though you can’t help but get excited. “I probably should prepare for his arrival, don’t you think?” You leave the dining room running excitedly as your mother laughs at your silliness.

The reason why he accepted the offer to be your personal guard was because of the help of the queen when his mother fell sick. He can’t go to the ocean anymore, the cost to bring his mother to the healer was more than what he’d achieve in a year. The second reason was because he wants to be near you. Keeping you safe may not be a regular job for him, it was like his dream. So, to accept the offer was an easy thing for him.

After telling Yuno what to do to take care of their little family, he goes to the northern kingdom with a hidden excitement. Nevertheless, he knows that he should hide his lingering feelings towards you. He should keep being aware of the difference between himself and you, and that the reality wall will never disappear even though he’s being close to you.

Arrived at the palace, he stared at how huge and majestic the palace is. He was welcomed by the head of the palace security guards and immediately escorted to know what to do with his important job. “Your job is to keep the princess’ safety 24/7. You have to stay near her even at night, and follow her everywhere to keep her safe. The queen didn’t officially tell us the details, but maybe you can get the detail from the princess or the queen. That’s all.”

So he ended up in the queen’s office, standing nervously as the queen smiled at him. “Well, your job is to keep my daughter safe of all time. That’s easy. But what I want for you to do was actually to be her companion. Is that even easier?”

Jaehyun promised with all his life that he would keep you safe and also, be a good companion for you. It’s an easy job for him cause he would eventually do it without getting paid.

“Jung Jaehyun...” His name was the first thing out of your mouth the moment he came to see you in the quiet garden. Jaehyun gives you a smile you couldn’t identify, because the last time you saw him, he looked like he doesn’t want to catch a look on you. And now, he’s waving to you beautifully, and as he walks closer in your direction, everything feels like a dream.

“You’re really here,” you muttered as he now stands in front of you. You tried so hard not to wrap your arms around his built body, scared that if you do that, he’ll run away again from you.

“Yeah, I’m really here, princess. I’m here to guard you, protecting you from whatever that could possibly hurt you.” He keeps smiling at you, which makes your lips curved up into a smile as well. Jaehyun leans onto you until he reach the side of your ear. “Even roaches and insects, I’ll protect you from them, princess.” He whispered before laughing softly.

He looks at your glassy eyes, a frown starts to grow on his face. “Y/n, I’m sorry about what I said to you. Would you... forgive me?”

You ignored his apology, but instead, “You said we can’t work. You said you can’t get near me. I think you owe me an explanation.”

Jaehyun’s eyelids stutter as he tried to look away from you. “I don’t think I can tell you, Y/n.”

“You do know that I’m quite the person ruling both kingdoms. While you here, is nothing but a powerless piece of trash. So, clean all your dreams to be with the princess. You might’ve saved her life, but nothing do you have to be with her, to even get near her. Don’t ever dream about it. As you already know, I can crush anybody who restrain my will, even her.”

You frown, “Another rejection, I see.”

He takes your hand in his, “Forgive me, your highness.”

You look at him with doe eyes, trying hard not to smile while you feel his delicate touch on the back of your palm. “How can I stay mad at you? I eventually prepared something for your arrival.”

Jaehyun squeezes your hands as a smile grows on his face, “Thank goodness. Now, may I embrace you, your highness?” You smile widely as you voluntarily wrap your arms tightly around his waist, face pressed against his chest as he wraps his arms around you as well, giggling softly. “I’ve been missing you, princess.”

“I don’t care about whatever you said to me that day, Jae. All is well now that you’re in my arms. Don’t ever leave me again, my guardian.”

“I’ll keep you safe, princess.”

“Then all is well, indeed.”

You woke up with a smile on your face. Stretching your body to erase all the stiffness of your body, for you slept in the same position. “Good morning, Shirley, Sergei, and my love, Ella.” You went forward to your cats, and they gladly accepted your presence in the peaceful morning.

“You know what, babies, my prince charming is here. Oh, no, not that boring and abusive prince. My true prince, Jung Jaehyun, in case you all want to remember his name.”

After changing into your usual warm fluffy coat, you immediately walk to your door. As soon as you stepped out of your room, you were greeted by a luscious smile. “Good morning, your highness.” You smile upon seeing him, and then you were instantly reminded of what you want to do while he’s here. “Come in, before anyone sees,” you muttered before pulling him into your room and close your door.

“Uh, your highness, I don’t think I can enter this room as I please.”

“It’s alright, you always have my permission. So, I need you to wear this.” You hand him the beautiful coat you’ve prepared for him. “You’ll have to wear more coats from now on. Oh, my poor baby, you’re gonna miss the beautiful weather back in your hometown.” You cup his cheek with one hand, brushing your hand gently on it.

“Thank you, although you’ll always be my warmth.” He paused as he pulls you closer to his body and embrace you in a warm hug, making the fancy fireplace in your room lose it’s point to Jaehyun’s own warmth. “Did you sleep well?”

You nod softly as your head leans comfortably on his shoulder.

The first week with Jaehyun being at the palace brings you all the happiness you never knew you needed. The queen herself was very well aware of this. She regrets nothing by recruiting the most important person for her daughter to be her own guard. It’s all for you, as the queen said.

You attended every royal lesson with Jaehyun, and he keeps company with you in your other classes too. And with him always by your side, means that attending political meetings with your mother is also fun. Like when you both sneaked out of the party, hands tangled to each other, running towards a little private balcony you discovered earlier.

“The meeting was so utterly boring,” you muttered. Jaehyun only smiles, “Well, I couldn’t agree more, Y/n. At this point, I might as well say that I’m quite glad that I’m not a royal.”

“I know right,” you replied as you rest your head in your hand boringly.

“Well, you’re gonna bear with it more when you become a queen.”

You give him a look, before agreeing in advance. “Well, you’re not wrong. But you’ll bear it along with me though, future king.”

“Future king?” He stuttered. You nod as you hum, “Will be you be my king?”

Jaehyun lets out a small laugh, “Really? Though it should be me asking you that, I would. I would, my princess.” He took your delicate hand and brought it up exactly under his chin, before pressing a tender kiss on it.

You flash a smile upon his acceptance, before step ahead to embrace him lovingly. “Please stay with me, jae.”

Well, as if a month of happiness couldn’t be enough for you, the prince of the south returns to the palace, equipped with his dreary winter coat, and a few of his men trailing behind him. You stopped him in the hallway, with Jaehyun staying right behind to you to prevent unwanted things to happen before you speak up, “Why are you here? I thought our business was done.”

Prince Han scoffs as he gives Jaehyun an unacquainted look. “Don’t worry, princess. This is not something that goes between you and me. This matter goes between the kingdoms.”

You could sense anything bad from his return, and it’s not gonna be about you. “Having a new companion, I see..” He muttered and you blink in nervousness. It turns out that your fear of the abusive prince still exists as sweats start coming out around the surface of your palms.

Prince Han left with his men straight to the conference room, where the queen already expected him. Jaehyun immediately goes next to you, “Princess, are you alright?” He brings your vision to him only, making sure that you’re aware that you’re safe. Your eyes quiver at the thought of something bad happening to either you or Jaehyun. “He’s back...” you mumbled.

Jaehyun tries to soothe you back while giving supports through his eyes. He closes the distance between you both to make your breathing steady again. “Hey, listen to me. Everything will be alright. Do you believe in me?” He asked slowly.

You listen to his voice, eyes glued to his, before you breathe normally again. “Yeah, Jaehyun, I believe in you.” He hugs you tightly without crushing your delicate figure. “Everything will be alright,” he whispered gently.

After the conference ended, you went straight to your mother, who had a blue expression on her face. You sit next to her, gulping your saliva anxiously. “Mother, may I know what acquires a conference between you and the southern kingdom?” You asked carefully. The queen gives you a look, and then a sudden dread smile. “Mother?”

“I have both great and bad news for you, my daughter,” she uttered.

“Tell me the great one first.” you replied.

“Our kingdom has been struggling with armies and territories. Now that we ended our marriage agreement, we lost a lot of things as benefits to the kingdom. But the southern king has just informed me, that they needed our help as well. The agreement will no longer be a marriage, but additions of men and machines.”

“That’s good, mother. That means no one’s getting hurt, right? By no one, I mean-”

The queen cuts you right away with a frown. “And here comes the bad news, my dear.” You flashed her a look before proceeding to listen.

“I told the crown prince that we’re fine by adding some of our best men and also recruiting as many people as possible from our country. But then, I realized, one of our best men is..”

“Jaehyun, is it? No, mother. I won’t allow it to happen. He just got trained within a month, how is he supposed to go into the war?” You argued. “I know, dear, I’m very well aware that he was only recruited to keep you safe. But, we’re in a crisis, honey, and you know his capability. Becoming the number one between those senior guards only in a month, isn’t that amazing? You should consider letting him go, my dear.” The queen paused. “I asked nothing from you, my daughter, but only to put your trust in him.”

You shook your head in denial, before a familiar voice bursts into the room. “The queen’s right, your highness.” Jaehyun bowed at the queen before turning himself to you. “But, Jaehyun..”

“She’s right, all you need to do is to trust me. You said you believe in me, didn’t you? He gives you a glazed look and you waver at the thought of letting him go into the war with the southern prince. You immediately head to his side, “I trust you, but.. you should never get hurt, jae. I don’t want to lose you.” you muttered against his chest.

He pats your back gently, while feeling a little bit embarrassed to hug the princess in front of her royal family. “Remember what I said, sweetheart, everything will be alright.”

As Jaehyun won the argument that day, you eventually prepare for his departure. You provide him with food, self-care, even some comfortable clothes. You still pack some of the things he would need, when Jaehyun plays with your cats. “At this rate of care, you will see that my fellow troops will get jealous at me.” He scoffed. “Quiet down, young man. As I said, it’s either you’d leave this place with these, or you stay safe here with me, my future king.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

You smiled after making sure he has the things packed well before you let him depart with the men. You walk towards the end of the bed, and Jaehyun immediately goes next to you as you sit with a particular pose. “You’re going to leave me for months, don’t you think you should leave something important in me?” you uttered.

Jaehyun tilts his head, puzzled at your suggestion. “What should I leave in you?”

“Marks. Claim me as yours tonight, my future king. Tell me that this will not be our first and last, jae.” You leans closer to him, and a coy smile draws upon his face. “As you wish, my princess.”

At dawn, you awakened with the touch of him putting the blanket on your bare figure. You blinked in drowsiness, before coming into a realization that he has to leave in a moment. You quickly rise from your bed and grab your night rope. “Jae,” you called his name with a raspy voice before wrapping your arms around him tightly. “Ouch, I..I can’t breathe, princess.” He cackled as he hugs you back delicately.

“Please return safely. We’re all waiting for you here. I love you,” you uttered.

Jaehyun nods against the nape of your head. “I’ll come back to you, my home. I love you too.” A tear slips out of his tears, as he feels somehow fearful and worried, like any other human being. “I believe in you, Jae.”

With that, he left with your kisses in his cheeks, and you only look anxiously from your balcony, praying so hard to whoever up there to let him make it out alive.

“Raise up your appetite, dear. You shouldn’t live like this.” The queen uttered. You heave a sigh, putting down your spoon to stop playing with your food. “I’m sick of waiting, mother. I need to know if he’s safe, and.. alive.” You lowered your voice while mentioning the word ‘alive’, a word that you apparently despise these days.

“Don’t worry, my child. Jaehyun is a strong warrior, he’s not the number one for nothing.” The queen goes to your side as you sob miserably at the thought of missing him. “I miss him, mother.” “I know, dear. I know,” the queen kissed the top of your head while muttering words to soothe your restless figure.

As the time passes on quickly, you distract yourself from the thought of Jaehyun by taking care of some of the royal cases. You attended every boring conferences you told Jaehyun about, and ended up reminiscing how he would bring you water and roses to help you relax. You also attended every archery classes, and would end up getting reminded of how he would help you straighten your back while aiming the target, about how his hands linger on you.

You’re very well aware that you’re gonna be pretty much insane if you don’t hear about him in less than a month, but you kept your patience, and so, two months passed along with your struggle.

You run past every man who just came back from the war field, looking for one particular man between all of them. “Jaehyun.. Jae?” You call out his name, but no one answers. You kept looking for his figure until the person you didn’t wish to see stopped in front of you. You narrow your eyes at the sight of him, but you know that he actually can give you the information you needed.

“Prince Han, w-where’s he? Is he coming late or? Tell me, please.”

He dragged you to somewhere quiet until you brushed him aside. “Just get straight to the point. Why can’t I find him anywhere?”

Prince Han looked at you with a sorrowful look, before he opens his mouth. “I’m sorry for you, princess. But, he’s not coming back.”

Your entire world seems to collapse the moment he uttered those words. Your head starts to spin like you were hit by a dangerous storm. “Impossible,” you mumbled.

“No, there’s no way he couldn’t survive- I..he-” you stuttered as words can’t seem to get into your head. Prince Han holds you closer to his frame, as he watched in agony. “Jae.. my jae,” you mumbled against his chest while sobs flowing throughout your eyes.

He pats your back gently as guilt start to surround his guts. Now that he watched you mourn to someone who’s not him, he knows that you truly love that person.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. You never imagined that you would pass any more weeks than you’ve expected. Everything felt unreal for you, it’s like you’re living in a nightmare. You crave for him every night, yearning for his touch, just like when you said that night. Was that really your last time with him? You can’t even conceive it anymore.

The day when you and the queen went to his family’s house was the worst. You fell down to your knees, begging for the family’s forgiveness. You swore you’d kill yourself when you saw Yuno crying over his brother. You couldn’t even look at her in the eyes when his mother told you to get up, saying that all of these was his choice, and that Jaehyun would be sad if he saw all of you cry over him.

You took the whole family to live at the palace, as an act of apology. Day by day passed as you’d watch over Yuno, your new companion, every day. A little version of him, you would say. You hang around Yuno at the library every night, the both of you would end up crying whenever Yuno told you stories of his brother’s little habit.

Today is the day when you have to truly let go of him, as you built a warrior statue of him, as a mark of remembrance, that he would always live in your heart. You bring the whole family behind you to put some beautiful flowers over the statue. You walk ahead with Yuno, him holding a bucket of fresh white Lilies.

After a small mourning event, you kindly requested everyone to leave you alone near the statue. You immediately fall to your knees when everyone departed away. “You said you’d come back. You broke your promise again, you fool.” You smile through all the tears that flow like a waterfall on your cheeks.

You put the last flower on top of the other flowers. “You’ll forever live in my heart, Jae.” Your shoulders shake as loud sobs start to be heard.

“I’m sorry.” A familiar raspy voice appeared like a fantasy. You scoff, “Even now you sound real too, I should be imagining things, right?” You look at the flowers as you wipe your tears harshly.

“Y/n,” he called again. “No, don’t be like this, Y/n. He’s not here and you’re just imagining things-”

Before you know it, a pair of hands wrapped you in hug tight. Your eyes widen in shock, as you recognize his scent. “J-jaehyun?” you muttered slowly.

He let go, before looking straight at your round orbs. “Yeah, I’m here. I’m alive, my darling.” A tear rolled out of his eyes, and you swear that everything around you stops in a moment. You keep your eyes still in his disheveled look, afraid that the moment you blink, he’ll disappear. “How? Are you... are you real?” You asked.

Jaehyun nods gently. “I’m here, baby. I came home. I’m sorry I arrived late.”

You break into a loud sobs, as if a hundred kilo of weights are being lifted from your back. You hug him tightly, afraid of him leaving again. “You, evil little thing! You made us all worried. Please don’t ever scare me like this again.” You sob while hitting him lightly, throwing all of your sorrow to him. He stayed still while receiving his little ‘punishment’, before stopping you by pressing his lips into you.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Oh my god, look at your arms, there are bruises everywhere,” you babbled when you check out his disheveled figure. “Let’s get you treated,” you uttered.

Jaehyun gives you a small look as he wraps his arms around you once again, “You don’t even know how happy I am to come back to you, my home.”

After getting him treated, the queen held a fest to celebrate his return. You also held a little celebration with him and Yuno. And that night where you dressed up as the white queen swan and him as your white king swan, as always, the both of you sneak out of the party, bringing a lot of snacks and drinks to enjoy the night alone, away from the crowds.

He told you everything about how he ended up in a puddle of mud, and how his life flashed before him when he was dying. He also explained how some people found him and helped him until he was ready to go back.

“I miss those times when we’d stare at the starry sky. I miss your hometown, the village was so lovely.”

Jaehyun nods, “I miss wearing my loose shirt and carrying my toil and sail through the ocean.” You give him a look, “Do you want to go back? Let’s go to the small island you told me.”

He cups your cheeks delicately, “Anywhere with you sounds right, baby.”

You peck his tempting plump lips, and you both spend the night filling all the moments he was away from you. Now that he’s back in your arms, which is his home, he gladly told you that this is not going to be your last.

Years later, you both vowed after the preacher with a long-lasting marriage kiss, before the queen crowned you as her heir, as the next queen, alongside with Jaehyun as your king. He’ll be by your side forever, no matter what happens, as a part of your happily ever after.

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lloydskywalkers · 4 years

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heLLO i’m so sorry this took so long!! tumblr did not, in fact, eat your ask this time, i just took five years with the response T-T i did very much want to write something about Jay and Cliff (because that’s a criminally underused relationship), but unfortunately season 12 has come out since i wrote All I’m Asking For and kind of...made things...a lot angstier :’( so this leans much more on the angst side than the fluff, but!! there is some in there, i promise

It happens mid-battle, which is never a good time for anything to happen, really, other than a spontaneous victory. If it had happened at any other time, Jay would’ve gone with him. Any other time, he tells himself, he would’ve found the time to talk.

But it’s mid-battle right after Sensei Wu’s gone missing in time, and ironically enough, time is the last thing Jay has on his hands.

It’s not even the worst of battles — just some jerks who actually happen to have too much time and advanced high-grade weaponry on their hands — but it’s enough to send the city’s civilians screaming for cover as another chunk of building comes raining down toward them. Normally Cole would take this kind of thing, since Jay’s more about the agile, dynamic stuff (not because his arms are a whole lot like half-cooked spaghetti noodles next to Cole’s, not at all). But Cole’s on the other side of the city running collateral damage watch with Zane, so Jay’s the only one around to snatch the poor man out of harm’s way before a chunk of concrete squashes him.

“Whoo, that was close,” he breathes out, as dust mushrooms out from the impact nearby. Jay carefully sets the man down, coughing briefly and tugging his mask into place. “You alright?”

The man doesn’t reply, staring at Jay with wide, eerily familiar eyes. “You,” he breathes, as if Jay is some miraculous apparition — which, sure, Jay just saved his life, but like, he’s Jay. He’s a whole two or three inches shorter than this guy, he’s not super impressive.

“You’re the lightning ninja,” the man continues. “You’re — Jay?”

Caught between being pleased he’s recognized and being slightly creeped out, Jay opens his mouth to reply. Then he looks at the guy, actually looks at the guy, and immediately shuts it. And a good thing, too, because Jay’s mouth suddenly goes so dry it kinda feels like a dust vacuum.

“Y-you’re Cliff Gordon,” he manages, on a wheezing kind of whisper. “H-hi. Hi, hello, it’s—”

An honor? Jay’s half-hysterical mind throws at him. What is he supposed to say? Hello, long-lost father who gave me up as a baby, I figured that out, by the way? Does Cliff even know Jay’s his son? Does he even know his name’s Jay? Oh, why oh why has Jay put off acknowledging anything that happened with Nadakhan for this long, just because the entire thing’s a minefield worth of trauma and it makes him wildly nauseous to think about it at all, it doesn’t mean—

“Jay,” Cliff Gordon repeats, his eyes wide and shiny, and Jay’s stomach drops like he’s on a roller coaster. Because the way he says his name — it’s like he knows, it’s like he cares—

“You, uh,” Jay swallows, utterly oblivious to the exploding building two blocks back. “I think…you knew my mom?”

Alright, points for Jay for the lamest segue into this possible, but the beaming, almost-painful smile that splits Cliff’s face at least drowns part of the shame out.

“You could say that,” he murmurs, looking part-overjoyed, part-terrified. “If you know that, then — you must know I’m your — I never meant to lose—”

Cliff cuts off painfully, dragging a hand through his graying hair. Jay vaguely notes the puffs of dust that go drifting off from it, before the awkward silence gets too heavy and his mouth kicks back into action.

“Yeah, kinda…figured that out,” Jay laughs, nervously. “I don’t, um, I’m not mad…? If that’s what you’re worried about, but it’d be uh, nice to…”

“Of course,” Cliff nods fervently, as if he’s somehow psychic and can mind-read the ten thousand words’ worth of questions barraging across Jay’s brain. “Of course, we should talk, there’s so much I need to explain, I—”

Jay’s radio interrupts him in a bursting screech of static, leaving them both wincing.

“Jay, any day you wanna get back in the game, we could use a little help here!”

Kai’s voice is strained, and Jay glances from the battle to his — Cliff — with wild eyes. Cliff shakes his head, waving toward his teammates.

“Go on, go on,” he says, something like pride in his voice. “You’ve got a much more important job to do.” He pauses, his eyes bright and painfully hopeful. “But you’ll — you’ll come and visit me sometime, will you?”

“Yeah,” Jay nods, feeling oddly shaky. “Of course, I’d — I’d really like that.”

Cliff Gordon’s face splits into full smile, and Jay takes that as his cue to leave before he does something hideously embarrassing, like run his mouth or try to — to hug the guy. His eyes catch the bright flash of the Destiny’s Shadow, and he jumps up as Lloyd tilts the plane, Zane reaching a hand out to snag Jay and haul him in.

“Nice timing,” Jay gasps in thanks as he finds his seat, fumbling once with the tight squeeze. “Sorry about the wait.”

Zane simply squeezes his shoulder briefly. “I am merely glad to see you in one piece,” he says, wincing briefly as another explosion goes off. Jay cringes as his eyes rake over the smoking flames. Man, they’re gonna be stuck doing repairs here forever—

“Who was that?”

Jay startles back to himself at Lloyd’s voice, blinking rapidly. He opens his mouth, prepared to unleash a floodgate’s worth of “you’ll never believe this”—

Then stops dead as Zane and Lloyd stare curiously at him, awaiting answer. Jay shuts his mouth, and swallows.

How is he supposed to announce he’s met his father — his second, whole father, in addition to the super great one he already has — to them? To Zane, who barely got any time with his only parent before he died? To Lloyd, who's still actively grieving having lost his only dad for like, the third time? How’s that gonna go over, huh, motormouth?

So Jay shakes his head, forcing an easy laugh instead. “Just some random fan.”

************

He means to follow up right after. He does, really, but everything goes to hell in a handbasket so quickly Jay barely even has time to breath. First it’s the months of searching for Sensei, then it’s guarding the royal family, then they’re on the run, then they’re watching Garmadon brutalize their baby brother on live television and he’s dying on a table and the city’s being destroyed by a giant and the Bounty’s being crushed with them on it and they’re running for their lives in the First Realm and Sensei Wu’s a teenager and—

They’re kind of busy, that’s the point he’s trying to make.

Eventually, there’s a brief spot of time he could go, maybe. It’s right after they’ve returned from the First Realm, though, and that’s...not a great time.

The city’s still stumbling back to its feet, for one, and the loss of the emperor and empress doesn’t exactly help. Their little family’s left stumbling back to its feet even slower, as beaten down and utterly exhausted as they are. The four of them had their own run of it in the First Realm, but Lloyd and Nya didn’t have it any better back in Ninjago, and the whole thing’s just — just a big mess. And sure, maybe reuniting with his long-lost biological father now could like, actually benefit Jay’s half-shredded mental state, since the guy seemed pretty happy to see him, but…

But fathers.

Lloyd still wanders their apartment like a ghost at night, his eyes dull and haunted from whatever night terror he’s been graced with now. He wanders a little bit like that in the day, too, eyes glazing over and hands trembling at times. Jay knows why, of course — they all know, it’s not a secret. Not with the high-definition TV footage that keeps circulating. And they — they try to help, of course, they do their very best, but there are some things only time can fix.

Jay watches Lloyd’s eyes shutter at the mention of his father, and wonders if his entire life is enough to fix whatever’s been broken with his own.

In other words, Jay decides to be a coward.

Ironically enough, however, it ends up being Lloyd that encourages him to go. Not that he realizes that.

“Don’t bother making extra for dinner tonight, Zane,” Lloyd announces wearily, as he trudges through the kitchen. “My mom’s on the road again.”

Zane blinks at that, then frowns. “Where is she off to now?”

“Don’t know,” Lloyd says shortly, before promptly stalking off toward the rooftop exit. Jay and Zane stand there in silence for a moment, Zane still methodically stirring the rice. Then he turns to Jay, and fixes him with a look.

“Grumpy-about-parents Lloyd is normally Nya’s job, you know,” Jay huffs, but he relents, following Lloyd’s quiet footsteps to the roof. Lloyd’s curled up in his usual spot, close enough to the edge that it frightened the life out of Kai the first time they found him. Jay doesn’t exactly get why, because Lloyd’s sad, yeah, but he’s not—

Well, maybe Kai’s just scared Lloyd’ll trip and fall off the roof. That’s what Jay’s choosing to believe, for his own sake.

Either way, Lloyd looks pretty sad now, so Jay plops himself right down next to him with a huff, neatly startling Lloyd so badly he almost does trip right off the roof.

“Woah, hey, it’s just me,” Jay says quickly, throwing his hands up. Lloyd glares at him, and Jay makes a face. “Don’t give me that, you’re the one that’s supposed to have ninja reflexes.”

“Hmph,” Lloyd grumbles, wrapping his arms back around his knees, but he looks slightly less likely to zap Jay’s nervous system full of energy, so he takes that as a go-ahead.

“So, your mom, huh,” Jay starts, with all the intent of comforting Lloyd and comforting Lloyd alone. “Hey, random question, but how did, um, why’d you decide to let her back into your life, in the first place?”

“What?” Lloyd stares at him. Jay cringes. Oops, that wasn’t supposed to come out. Classic Walker, he’s brought his own issues right into the middle of it, like an absolute selfish—

Great, now he wants to throw himself off the roof.

“Sorry, sorry, forget I said that,” Jay babbles, desperately trying to re-route the conversation. “Just — forget I opened my mouth, okay? Please?”

Lloyd shakes his head, looking more concerned than sad now. He’s even unfolded from his tight little Lloyd-angst-ball, which Jay would count as a victory if it weren’t for all the wrong reasons. “Jay, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course!” Jay blusters. Lloyd stares at him. Jay gives him a bright smile back. Lloyd continues to stare.

“Okay, fine, not really, but — that’s not why I came up here,” Jay admits, cheeks flushing.

Lloyd’s eyebrows furrow in concern. “Is everything…okay with your parents?” His voice is tentative, as if he’s almost scared of Jay’s response, and Jay can’t have that.

“My parents are fine,” he replies, firmly. “But, uh, thanks for asking. I’m just…” Jay trails off, abruptly realizing that explaining this is going to require mentioning Cliff Gordon, which is going to require mentioning that he’s adopted, which is going to require explaining why he hasn’t told the rest of his team this. None of which are options Jay wants to explore at the moment, so he desperately tries to backtrack.

Lloyd, faithfully caring brother that he is to the bitter end, beats him to it. “Well, even if they are fine, um. To answer your question, I guess I…I needed to know.” He blows his breath out, glancing out over the skyline, half-broken buildings forming dark silhouettes against the setting sun. “I needed to know why she - she left me. If it was me, or if it was her, or…whatever, you know?” Lloyd bites his lip, and Jay suddenly feels like a horrible person for putting him through the mother thing right after the father thing’s been blown to smithereens.

And yet.

“Yeah, I get that,” Jay says quietly, letting it sink in. And he does, really. More than he thought he would, and this is probably a big glaring sign from the heavens, huh.

“But I don’t know,” Lloyd continues, sounding small as his hands tug on a frayed thread from a torn spot in his gi. “Maybe sometimes it’s better to cut people out entirely, too.”

He looks terribly worn when he says that, too young and too old for his age all at once, and Jay decides he hates the expression on his youngest brother.

“I’ll remember that, next time you steal the last of my coffee stash,” he says.

Lloyd gives a startled huff of laughter, before jabbing him in the side with his elbow. “That’s not what I meant,” he rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile edging his mouth now — not quite the Lloyd smile he’s used to, but it’s not as frail as it’s been, either. Lloyd doesn’t look so much like porcelain that’s been stepped on anymore, and the proud spark of joy Jay feels from that is enough to convince him that it’s a good idea.

He did promise Cliff Gordon he would, after all, and besides — knowing can’t be that bad, and Jay’s a firm believer in the wisdom of knowledge, and all that.

He’s also a firm believer of closure, but he’s stopped claiming to be one, since it probably comes off pretty hypocritical lately.

************

Jay doesn’t tell anyone where he’s going. He doesn’t even tell them he’s going at all, he just…waits for a convenient opportunity to slip out when no one will notice.

He wishes he had. He wishes he’d told Cole, told Nya or - or anyone he was going, and at the same time he’s glad he told no one at all. He’s not quite sure he could bear anyone else seeing whatever look’s on his face right now, on top of everything else.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” the woman at the estate tells him, her eyes teary. “Cliff Gordon passed away a month ago.”

That…doesn't make sense, at first. It takes a minute, to sink through the odd roaring noise in Jay’s ears, and finally reach his brain.

“Passed…away,” he repeats, blankly.

The lady nods, looking at him with so much pity Jay kind of wants to kick her shins. “It was his heart, poor man. He hasn’t been so well the last few years, you know.”

“Right.” Jay feels a little like he does when he’d used to jump off his dragon, except this time he’s been tossed from it and he’s free-falling to a short and sudden stop.

“Did you know him?” she asks, curiously.

Jay tries to make some form of response, like “I was his son”, except all that comes out is a whole bunch of nothing. Nothing, just like what’s left in Jay’s head. He blinks rapidly, trying to banish the image seared into his brain.

Cliff Gordon’s eyes, bright and painfully hopeful.

You’ll come visit me sometime, will you?

Jay swallows thickly. “Sorry, if you’ll, uh — excuse me, I think lunch was bad.” Then he ducks for the nearby bushes, and proceeds to be horribly sick.

He tells himself, through heaving gasps, that the hot tears are only reflexive.

************

And that’s that. Jay, stupid, selfish Jay, waited too long and now he’s lost his chance forever. Because he was — what, scared? Nervous?

He’s not scared now. He kind of just hates himself, which isn’t the newest thing in the world, but this time it burns like the worst of scrapes and crawls up on him in the middle of the night, screaming what-if’s into his brain until Jay’s biting down on his pillow before he starts screaming himself.

It hurts, but he’s got no one to blame but himself. Jay messed this up all his own and he sure as heck doesn’t deserve any sympathy from his team for it. So he’s not going to even give them the chance, because they’ll never know. Jay will take this secret to the grave, because imagining the looks on everyone else’s face when he tells them he ruined this makes him want to put himself in the grave.

How long did he wait for Jay, how long did he—

Jay’s just going to drive himself insane with his own stupid brain and that’s that.

Well, that’s supposed to be that. It would’ve been that, except Cole is perceptive and Cole knows him too well, and Cole spots the look on his face when he’s telling him everything he’s found out about his mother, since Jay can’t even hide that from him.

And maybe Jay’s just weak, or so desperate for some form of reassurance or - or attention that he cracks, and spills the whole sorry thing to Cole. To his undying credit, Cole doesn’t even look like he despises Jay once. Instead, he looks at him with all this sympathy and kindness and oh, if Jay was a crier—

Well, actually, Jay is a crier, and ends up bawling into Cole’s gi at two in the morning, but what else is new.

The important thing is that Cole is Jay’s very best friend and possibly favorite person in the whole entire world, and Jay is going to murder him in cold blood for dragging him to Cliff Gordon’s estate and forcing their way in.

“If he cared enough to want to meet you, he’ll have cared enough to leave you in his will,” Cole reminds him, staunchly. “He knows how busy your life was, so I’ll bet you anything he understood.”

“Stop trying to make me feel better,” Jay hisses, as Cole manhandles him down the mansion’s — the mansion’s! — hallways. “I don’t deserve it.”

“For the love of—” Cole cuts off with an exasperated huff. “It is not your fault this happened. This is not on you. How many times are we going to have to do this, Jay.”

“Until the time you let me wallow in miserable peace,” Jay mutters. What does Cole know, it’s not like he totally bailed on his parent and then let them die. Not that Jay could do anything about that last part, sure, but the rest of it.

Cole stops them in one of the massive living rooms, finally fixing Jay with one of those stares. Uh oh.

“At least read the letter,” Cole says, suddenly pleading. “You don’t have to look at anything else if you don’t want to, but please read the letter. For me?”

Oh, Jay hates him. He tells him so, even as his glare falters in the face of Cole’s stupid puppy eyes.

“Is that a yes?” Cole replies hopefully, offering the letter they were handed with the estate key. Jay gives him a last, withering glare before snatching the letter from him.

“You’re the worst,” he mutters, as he tears open the envelope with shaky fingers. He hesitates for a beat, before mustering whatever pathetic courage he has and tugging the paper out, unfolding it as his eyes find the carefully scrawled words.

My dear Jay—

He promptly bursts into tears.

“Jay wha — Jay what’s wrong, is it that bad?” Cole is frantic as he hovers over him, his hands half-caught between reaching for Jay and reaching for the letter in his hands. Jay shakes his head, trying to stifle the sudden waterfall’s worth of tears that decided to make an appearance, and clutches the paper tighter.

Cole makes an anxious sound. “Jay, you know he’s — if he’s said something bad, it’s — he doesn’t know anything, right?”

Oh no, now Jay wants to cry harder. Cole sounds desperately concerned, kind and caring and genuine like Cole always is, and Jay feels like the worst person in the world.

Stupid, Jay, he scolds himself hotly, swiping angrily at his eyes. Stupid, selfish Jay. He’s got nothing to be crying about. Zane only had one dad, and he doesn’t go around whining about it. Lloyd’s got one dad who’s died three times, and may as well be dead now ‘cause he’s such a jerk. Kai and Nya didn’t even have any parents until last year. And Cole lost his mom who he loved, he loved so much, and he’s still here supporting Jay — stupid, selfish Jay, who’s got two entire stable parents who he’s never once doubted love him, and yet here he is, crying over the one he never really knew.

“Jay,” Cole tries again, quieter this time. “Jay, you’re allowed to be sad about your dad. It’s not a contest.”

Stupid, perceptive Cole.

“He said he loves me,” Jay finally croaks, swiping at the tears all over his face. “He didn’t even know me, Cole, how was he supposed to know that?”

Cole’s eyes soften, all melty and gross. “You’re his son, Jay, he knew you.” His lips quirk up in a smile. “Besides, he talked to you once, right? You make some pretty impactful first impressions, motormouth.”

Jay can’t decide whether to be insulted or more flattered than he’s been in the last six months. He decides to punch Cole weakly in the shoulder, before crying harder. Cole doesn’t even flinch at the hit, built like a rock as he is, and simply snatches Jay’s arm and tugs him close, wrapping his arms around him tightly. And oh, Jay wants to pull away, he doesn’t want to break down in his dead father’s mansion like this, Jay doesn’t have a lot of dignity but he’s at least got his shreds, but—

Cole gives the best stupid hugs in the world, and what’s Jay gonna do, deny such instant love and comfort? The risk of hurting Cole’s feelings far outweighs Jay’s tattered dignity, he tells himself. That’s why he clings to Cole like an overgrown barnacle and wails into his shoulder like a broken faucet. That’s the only reason, obviously.

“It’s okay to cry, you big moron,” Cole says after he’s calmed down, briefly squeezing tighter. “I get it. But you really should read more than the first lines of that thing. I think…I think it’ll help.”

“This is all I’ve got, though,” Jay sniffles. “I don’t — I lost any other connection I’ve got to him.”

“Sometimes you just gotta work with what you have,” Cole says gently, a little bitter, a little sweet. “And somehow, you have to make it enough.”

Jay pauses at that, thinking back to the statue miles and miles beneath a mountain, the delicate locket Cole had turned over in his fingers. He looks back to the letter in his hands, the lines and lines of all the words his father left for him, and remembers Lloyd’s words about knowing.

His fingers tighten on the edges of his letter. Jay, he decides, is done being scared. He’s got Cole at his side — what’s he got to be afraid of, anyways?

“Okay,” he says, swiping once more at his eyes, and giving Cole a watery smile. “Okay. Help me read through the whole thing?”

“I wore my old sweatshirt for a reason,” Cole replies, making a show of wringing his sleeve out. Jay whacks him with the envelope, but the laugh he shudders out feels real, this time. He gently spreads the letter out atop his lap, focusing on the words again.

It’ll be enough. It’ll sting, but…it’ll be enough.

Like Lloyd’s tattered photograph, like Cole’s mother’s last words — it has to be.

#lego ninjago #ninjago #jay walker #cole brookstone #lloyd garmadon #since they're both...fairly present at points gdnkfgj #i just have many feelings about jay apparently T-T #my fic #answered

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jojotichakorn · 3 years

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@octopisunsets said: Her nephew literally tried to do the Bad Thing to himself because he was so worried he would hurt Yuhan. Of COURSE her first instinct would be to remove him from the very person that drove him to attempt the Bad Thing.

major trigger warning for discussions of suicide in this post !!

so , let’s talk about the aunt , shall we ?

first of all , yoo han didn't " drive yeon woo to his suicide attempt " . how can you even say that ? what drove yeon woo to it was the idea that he is a monster , that what he is is bad - the idea that the world ( his aunt included ) forced onto him repeatedly .

i'm going to give you a clear metaphor . a good chunk of queer people have an especially hard time dealing with both internal and external homophobia at this specific point . considering how homophobic society is , it is already very hard to be queer on your own , but when you have a partner , things really set in motion . who you are is no longer a theoretical thing homophobic people around you can ignore ( especially if you aren't visibly queer and/or are in the closet ) - because at this point you become visibly queer and you step out of the closet , you have a partner . and then imagine , you are already in this complicated situation , and then you come to your aunt ( the only family you have left and the woman you live with ) and she says she doesn't approve . it's very akin to the whole " you shouldn't do this , because the world is so homophobic and it would be so hard on you " and " i wouldn't want you to live the kind of heavy life those people live " . do those ideas come out of love ? perhaps . but it doesn't matter , because they come from blatant homophobia as well . and in immortal words of my best friend : love is useless if it hurts the other .

second of all , his aunt was against them from the start and she still is at the end of the series . even though she allows them to be together ( and thank gods for that ) , she does not approve .

when she first finds out about yoo han , the scene that happens between her and yeon woo is terrifying .

both my parents are fucking shitheads , so i am all too familiar with the layout , which can sometimes be scarier than kicking and screaming . the silence , the angry disappointed look , it’s all there .

she gives yeon woo time to bask in his own shame . she makes sure he comes to the conclusion of what he’s done wrong on his own . the impact is always stronger that way . and then the verdict .

it always comes . right away . it’s harsh , it’s unforgiving . sometimes , it isn’t even true . sometimes it’s just emotional blackmail that they hope will lead their child to the conclusion they want from them without too much fuss . the delivery is also often completely emotionless , to give the verdict an air of a fact rather than a decision that can be argued .

and then we see the aunt show her true face .

the face that’s selfish - first and foremost , it’s always selfish . they always have something that they want for their child ( or rather - for themselves in connection to the child ) , and it matters more than what their child themself wants .

and don’t tell me yeon woo is selfish here as well , because in this clear parent/child power imbalance , the child can not be selfish . ultimately , the aunt makes all decisions , she is in charge of his life ( also known as the reason why children are oppressed and we have the convention on the rights of a child - i don’t actually know if yeon woo is a minor here or not , so children’s rights might not specifically apply to him , but the point still stands - the parent makes the decisions ) . this is not a balanced conversation . this is not a dialogue of what each of them wants - it is a monologue of what the aunt wants with yeon woo’s attempts to protest and have his opinion valued even a little bit .

she has lost her sister , and there is a possibility she will lose him too . her first thought isn’t what yeon woo wants - that he wants to try , that he knows the possibilities and dangers all too well himself . her first thought is her own wants and needs .

and she realizes it too . when yeon woo breaks down , she backtracks .

but she doesn’t stop , does she ?

she continues reminding him that he is acting exactly like his mother ( you know , the one that went MISSING , the one they LOST ) at every turn . you know what this reminds me of ? when i first came out to my mother back when i was identifying as a guy , she made every single conversation we had about how i am the most feminine girl in the world and i could never be anything , but a girl .

it’s the relentless reminders , it’s this idea that they make sure to put into your head . they do it because they hope that one day you will hear it so many times , you will start believing it yourself .

but may i remind you , this sister the aunt talks of is yeon woo’s mother ? it isn’t as if he hasn’t experienced the same thing she has - he lost his mom , who he loved more than anyone else in the world ! and she uses this fact to make him do what she wants . i also remind you that yeon woo’s mother - you know , an actual mono - was proud of who she was . she told yeon woo stories of how she met his dad , and how he will one day also meet someone who will be this incredible person that brings color and love into his life .

and don’t you dare tell me that the aunt , who is a regular ass fucking person , knows more about the hardships of being a mono than yeon woo’s mom ( who - i repeat - was an actual mono ) . the aunt doesn’t know shite about the experience , she is terrified of it and what it can do , and she is very much perpetuating the idea of it being monstrous , she always has .

and then yeon woo breaks down , because he starts believing it . fully now . he is a monster . and after his aunt finds him , what is her first instinct ? that’s right - to send him to what is basically the equivalent of a conversion camp . ( no , seriously , the whole concept and the framing of yoo han as specifically saving yeon woo from there - it’s pretty straightforward ) .

and then a change happens . the aunt realizes that oop - actually , if she continues forbidding yeon woo and yoo han’s relationship , she will lose yeon woo anyway . and that , of course , won’t do , since that’s what she was so scared of in the first place . so she reluctantly allows them to be together . why do i say reluctantly ? well , because of this final scene with the aunt :

( pro tip : this is actually not what support looks like - just saying ! )

also , just to mention some quick statistics , being supported for who you are at home helps out children a lot . all children , but especially my dear lgbtq+ children . for example , my fellow trans folks have a suicide rate of 40% . according to different studies , it drops to anywhere between 20% to 15% in case of family acceptance .

to say that yeon woo’s suicide attempt was due to him finding his probe and finally fully embracing being a mono is the same as to say that my suicide attempt three years ago was due to me being trans and finally accepting it . neither are true . it was because we both had shitty , unsupportive home environments .

so actually , now that i have explored this whole thing more carefully , i retract my statement . the aunt isn’t just icky , she fucking sucks !

oh and by the way , don’t try to show me moments where the aunt was “ nice “ or whatever - that will only prove that you don’t know shit about the topic . it’s the one day in a week rule that so often confuses people , who end up in abusive relationships . “ oh , they are perfect almost every day , but then there is a time once a week ... “ - no amount of candy given every monday can make up for a bruise planted every sunday .

- yours truly , unwilling expert on shitty parents ( no , seriously , i wish i didn’t know and couldn’t see any of this shit , but alas , my life took an ugly turn in the family department ) .

#color rush #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #long post #archer speaks #if it sounds like im angry - i sure as hell fucking am #i have lived almost 19 years on this shitty planet and i have heard ALL the excuses about all sorts of shitty parents #and frankly im fucking tired of it #so i wont stop talking about this until yall start believing actual victims of abusive neglectful and otherwise shitty parents #and implying that YOO HAN or yeon woo being a mono in and of itself drove yeon woo to attempt suicide ???#gods forbid what kind of victim blaming is going on here i ........

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starkeaton · 4 years

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the adventure zone: graduation character list

Well, i accidentally deleted the original graduation character list post, so here i am making another one. Oops. And as always, if anyone has important details i should add then feel free to suggest them!

Here are all the characters introduced in episodes 1-25. Named characters only!

Also i can’t hide spoilers! So, um..... I can’t put spoilers on this one. If you need the version with spoilers try this version of the post that i made on the adventure zone subreddit but youre not missing out on much.

# -EPISODE 1- (19 characters)

Hieronymous Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Hero/Villain school. at least 400 years old. wears shining blue armor with gold accents. also an elf. according to Tomas, he led the charge at the "battle of blood valley", brought the Kingdoms of Rickart and Dawnbreak to a peace treaty, and founded the school. a little boastful, a little prideful, [SPOILERS OMITTED], and overall a pretty good dude.

Higglemas Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Sidekick/Henchperson annex, cranky old elf. has a dog named hero who shows no signs of anything strange at all, ever.

Gary (he/him): friendly room gargoyle. pseudo-hivemind.

Groundsy (he/him): the groundskeeper. a pretty nice fellow. don't go in his shed.

Hernandez (he/him): beautiful centaur professor of animal handling.

Jimson (he/him): human battlegrounds trainer for sidekicks/henchpeople, world famous featherweight champion, wields a staff. married to crushman.

Crushman (he/him): silver dragonborn with a sickle, and self-described beefy boy! heavyweight blood champion married to jimson. never lost a match for 8 years. full name Frostus Crushman.

Rolandus Fontaine (he/him): former prince, son of deposed king, kind of an asshole, maybe. wears a cape (important detail)

Zana (she/her): "terrifying" tiefling villain sorcerer, friend of rolandus. barkept the test tavern in ep2

Rhodes (she/her): hero ranger, friend of rolandus.

Buckminster Eden (he/him): hero guy. son of "The Iron Lord". their dad is stronger than rolandus's dad. his wiki page says rogue so i think hes a rogue? i never caught that and ive listened more times than i wish i did

Leon (he/him): softspoken buff, bald "fighter" (although i dont remember any clarification on how exactly he fights), sidekick of buckminster, around 28. anyone else keep forgetting he's bald? i keep forgetting it. >!gets sorta-drafted into becoming a falcon for higglemas and so far hasn't done much else.!<

Rainer Michelle (she/her): cheerful villainous necromancer with a floating chair. also, her name is pronounced "rainier" despite not being confirmed as such? travis ships her with fitzroy.

Tomas (he/him): human man with "kind eyes" and a good (psychic???) memory. guidance counselor.

Stewart LeBoeuf (he/him): brawny human man. serves food. there is no joke here, i promise

Mulligan (he/him): teaches potions. mentioned but doesn't appear yet. and we're like 25 episodes in. maybe we'll see him someday

Germaine, Victoria, Rattles (he/him,she/her,???/???): Skeleton crew. They live in the training room i guess, and as a result can never die, because "no one dies in the training room!" (note: someone now HAS to die in the training room). also their races are never explicitly stated but i guess they're probably human? in episode 3 travis brings up something about how many bones are in "the human body" and at this point i think i'm looking too deep into this so i'll just forget about it and you probably should too.

# -EPISODE 2- (9 characters)

Riveau (he/him): halfling, blame-taking teacher.

Mimi (they/them): gnome sidekick who builds cool robot prosthetics

Bartholemus (he/him): owl aarakocra accountant teacher, known for being the best accountant in the land and having a face some might describe as "smoochable". very pro capitalist :’( hope he gets better

Ramos (she/her): goliath teacher of shieldwork. *

Dip (she/her): sidekick, half-orc twin of pip

Pip (she/her): hero, half-orc twin of dip

Festo (they/them): fairy with "beautiful gossamer wings", independent study teacher of magic, loves to party

Snippers (he/him?): Let me tell you my story about Snippers the magic crab. When Travis gave the list of animals that Griffin could choose as Fitzroy's familiar's current form, he listed crab near the start, and this gave me excitement. Now i knew that crab was pretty unlikely but god i hoped that he would choose it. When the list went on- Bat, Cat, Crab, Frog, Hawk, Lizard, Owl, Poisonous Snake, Fish, Rat, Raven, Seahorse, Spider or Weasel- I nearly lost hope. I was hoping so hard that Griffin would choose the crab, but i was ready to accept a non-crab familiar. It was just buried in that list. It wasn't the most useful animal and it was an obscure pick. And as Travis informed him that it didn't have to keep the form for the whole campaign, Griffin said those five words i wanted to hear so, so badly. "Well then it's a crab." Folks, I do not often react physically when something happens in media. But in that moment, i remember very clearly, i fist-pumped and yelled, "YES!!!!!!"

so anyway, Fitzroy has a crab.

Jackle (he/him): kenku teacher of sneakery. creepy dude. apparently knows something about argo? also his name is not spelled "jackal" for some reason. Also in later episodes theyve started calling him "The Jackle" for some reason??? *

# -EPISODE 3- (1 character)

Dakota (they/them): tavern instructor, clad in black/red leather. no race stated? probably human. *

# -EPISODE 4- (6 characters)

Gerry & Tom (she/her, he/him): shopkeepers at barns and nobles who seem to have very bad names. also constantly competing for customers? these guys got dropped faster than the heathcliff quests, which is honestly just sad.

Barb (she/her): the bartender. runs Springs Eternal in Last Hope. has a sweet seeing-eye hawk familiar.

Jaryd Reginald (he/him): owner of Reginald Ore. Wants the workers to be held responsible for the damage caused by the xorn. (fun fact: originally i wrote down "Jerrod" because i wanted it to sound like a fantasy name, then realized it was probably "Jared" because theyre named after listeners, but i was pleased to find it confirmed that it's actually "Jaryd")

Candice (she/her): A Miner. thought those werent allowed in bars but, i guess not. Wants the mine owner to be held responsible for the xorn's damage.

Jade Johnson Esq. (she/her): lawyer.

# -EPISODE 5- (1 character)

Xorn: a big hungry gem eating guy from the plane of earth Low-Down Deep with 3 arms and 3 legs. why did travis just say "multi-armed" instead of specifying it was 3? who knows! Anyway it leaves

# -EPISODE 6- (3 characters)

Osric (he/him): the man, the myth, the bursar. finally shows up after being mentioned in episodes 2 and 4. he's an elf.

breeze through the willows (she/her): Pegasus attacked by demons, lost her parents. introduced in ep1 but gets a name here so fuck it. also in ep>!16!< we find out shes a "white arabian pegasus" and i dont think thats a spoiler bc we shouldve really known it from the beginning

Sabor (he/him): Librarian/research teacher. also a TORTLE. Really good at recalling stuff, i guess. kinda reminds me of Tomas's memory thing but i'm sure that's just a coincidence... *

# -EPISODE 7- (1 character)

Mosh (he/him): The goliath blacksmith who welcomes argo into the unbroken chain. Also, and this is specific to the tumblr version of this post, all the characters with an * at the end of their descriptions are also members of the unbroken chain. if someone knows how to do spoilers on tumblr please tell me

# -EPISODE 8-

# -EPISODE 9- (2 characters)

Eeiïäá#æ&éñn (pronounced like "Ian") (he/him?): an imp but without a shitty voice. also happens to not be violent. what a coincidence?

Terence (he/him): a chain devil with a real demonic name. minor boss of the imps. very convincing and very threatening. has the frightening ability to make you zone out during his fight

# -EPISODE 10- (2 characters)

Althea Song (she/her): elf with autumn-orange hair. representative from heroic oversight guild. i'd like to personally thank travis for spelling her name out.

Crabtree (she/her): Artificing teacher. Long gray hair with a long grey beard. no mentioned race, one might guess dwarf but that would be an assumption i suppose. also unbroken chain member, presumably the dwarf argo didn't recognize in episode 7.

# -EPISODE 11- (3 characters)

Marie (she/her): Grey-haired elf woman. She's the school's physician, i guess. Member of the unbroken chain.

Dendra Maplecourt (she/her): Fitzroy's mom. Has hot mint gum, i guess. She was mentioned earlier but i wasn't convinced she was a real person until this episode

Cool Gary (he/him): AYY ITS ME GARYR

# -EPISODE 12-

no new characters again!

# -EPISODE 13- (7 characters hhhyyyuu)

Kale (???/???): Head of the Placement Department, in charge of real world assignments. First mentioned in Ep4 but i missed that the last few times bc it is so brief. Gives exposition about missions i guess????? is that the only reason this chara cter exists

satyr thief (unnamed) (he/him): tries to rob thundermen, dies instantly

Ogre (he/him): teamed up with the satyr. his name is ogre.

Moon (he/him): A Sidekick. small pale sullen guy. no mentioned race. Why is there another FUCKING sidekick WE HAD ENOUGH hhhyuuuuuu

Deanna (she/her): A bigoted centaur with an obnoxious voice. Malwin the Strong's second in command.

Malwin the Strong (she/her): Leader of the centaurs of the scarlet woods. Wants to appease the spirit of the scarlet woods so that thecentaurs of the scarlet woods will be protected in the scarlet woods. Had a relationship with Arturas in the past but their clashes are currently known to get pretty heated.

Arturas (he/him): Leader of the Centaurs of the Valley, i guess. Had a relationship with Malwin. Centaur. Did i mention centaur? i cant think of anything else about this character

# -EPISODE 14- (2 characters)

Calhain (he/him): Human wizard, Malwin's magical advisor. Kind of an amateur wizard in a job high above his skill level. Graduated Wigginstaff's as a hero.

Spirit of the Scarlet Woods: A spirit who requires sacrifice in order to keep Malwin's herd safe and prosperous. Not keen on dubiously canonical combos, i guess. i wouldnt be either. also apparently the sacrifice depends on personal value, not how much value it has to the spirit.

# -EPISODE 15- (2 characters)

Sylvia Nite (she/her): Fitzroy's magic theory teacher at knight night school, who he turned into a catfish by accident. oops!

Chaos (they/them, maybe more): Presumably a deity, gave Fitz his powers and wants him to give in to his chaotic desires. (physical desc: 9 foot tall, iridescent 'mother of pearl' skin, pure white eyes, fine burgundy cloak with gold/onyx lining. their physical form beyond that seems to change every time they show up.)

# -EPISODE 16-

none -w-

# -EPISODE 17-

some demins happened. the big dudes are called "Pit Fiends" and the armored demon ladies are called "Erinyes", by the way. that was incredibly hard for me to figure out the first time, especially without headphones, i thought travis was saying "pig feet" and i just could not discern what the other things were

# -EPISODE 18- (6 characters)

snow on the mountain: shire horse pegasus

storm at sea: peruvian paso pegasus, vehement defender of The Guardian. doesn't have a goofy voice.. but he could have....

thaw of the spring: a winged horse

night of no clouds: a winged hhorse

The Guardian: "An ancient and powerful being that guards the unknown forest." Has protected the flock from demons for many many years. apparently is the voice that was talking to our firbolg in episode 1?

Grey, the Demon Prince (he/him): wants to cause a war, originally wanted to kill hiero and higgs, forces the heroes to build an army to fight his. As "Fauxronimous", he has skin the *color and pattern of* (but not necessarily made of) slate splashed with liquid, pointed ears, sharp teeth, shining eyes, horns of unspecified shape. 12 fucking feet tall. wonder if the slate-looking skin is related to garys. plot twist detected? Also i recently looked at the episode descriptions and found out his name is spelled "Gray", but really does it truly matter?

# -EPISODE 19- (2 characters)

Shabree Keene (she/her): Argo's mom, killed on the Mariah, possibly by the Commodore. Long auburn hair, green eyes. Mentioned earlier but described here, so fuck it.

**Thomas** (he/him): Argo's first mate on the Mariah, as the Kraken, in his chaos-dream. may or may not actually exist.

# -EPISODE 20- (1 character)

The Commodore (he/him): Reknowned hero of the seas, military regalia, great naval hero, presumably responsible for the death of Shabree Keene. No mentioned race. Seriously, they never mention this guy's race. The only thing described about him is how he's dressed and his evil smile. Does that mean he's human? Elf? Dwarf??? Who knows! maybe it just doesnt matter.

# -EPISODE 21-

none

# -EPISODE 22-

not any of them. not any.

# -EPISODE 23- (1 character)

Ozymondelius (sp???) (it/its): A warforged teacher who just so happens to like war or something? i guess its in the name. only mentioned in this episode, doesnt show up yet.

# -EPISODE 24-

they have a fight in the training room but nobody dies :\\ maybe next time. also no new characters. pog

# -EPISODE 25- (4 characters)

Gherkin (he/him): Tall lankier skeleton, has a scimitar and a merkin, which is a pubic wig... and he wears a jerkin? which i guess is a kind of coat? also i think hes mute

Tibia (she/her?) : Shorter skeleton with gold teeth, and long canines. i think both of the skeletons are mute actually.

The Lich King aka Gordy (he/him): Rainer's dad. Commands armies of the undead. lives in The Crypt. described as a hooded, skull-faced man with intricate black lines on his face, but changes to a shaved-head man with dark skin and vetiligo. Abandoned as a babby, raised by traveling parents, had necromancy powers, took Rainier in. Not actually very scary at all i don't know why he did the creepy laugh. Kind of a warm fatherly figure actually. hm. also people are speculating Gordy might be short for Gordita and his parents are maybe supposed to be lup and barry but THAT S JUST A THEORY.

our firbolg's father (he/him): A firbolg who lived by the code and was there when our firbolg was banished. Came to respect our firbolg's interest in a new way of life, in his final moments.

TOTAL: 72 NPCS! (well, including 2 extra PCs, i guess.)

Average: 2.88 NPCs per episode.

i was gonna not include the bone-PCs and have it be 69 but our firbolg's dad was just too important to not respect with a spot on the list.

anyway as always make sure to smack me with a blunt object if i forgot any characters!!!!!

#the adventure zone #taz #taz: graduation #taz g #sir fitzroy maplecourt #argonaut keene #taz firbolg #i dunno what else to tag this with #text post #keatposting

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #307

“you lie so much, you believe yourself”

How long has it been since you kissed someone? Like, two years or so. What level are you on Farmville? Never played it. What are you looking forward to in the next year? I hope Covid just withers away, dammit. I truly, truly hope this vaccine is effective. And that people start wearing their GODDAMN masks. Do you use a lot of emoticons? Not really nowadays. Would you ever climb a mountain? No. Even if my legs were capable of handling that, I'd be too afraid of an avalanche. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face’s eyes? Colons. When was the last time you swam in a lake? A looooong time ago. If you could have anything right now, what would you want? It'd be great to chill at Sara's house honestly, I miss that. What’s your relationship status? Single and I think finally starting to truly accept I need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date myself in my current position, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to. When was the last time someone asked you your age? On my birthday when I mentioned in group therapy that I was trying to make it an especially good day about myself. When was the last time you danced? Very, very poorly with Sara years ago lmao. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? Someone snatched my arm and yanked me down to look her in the eyes in HS because she was a jealous bitch back then telling lies, but idk if her intention was to actually try to start a physical fight. Are you avoiding someone? No. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What do you have pierced? Just my ears and bottom lip now. :/ I want morrrreeee. I'm forever tilted that so many of my piercings closed when I was hospitalized. What is your favorite dog breed? I find pugs to be very cute, but I do not support their breeding whatsoever so would never buy one. Besides them, I have a definite bias towards beagles. In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Fucking Christ, giant squids. Terrifying. Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. There are way, way, WAY too many people on this planet for that. What natural disaster scares you the most? Tornados. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? Define an "outrageous" career... but I can't visualize myself doing anything very unordinary. In what way would you want to help change the world? I truly hope I can make some considerable amount of contributions to natural conservation and animal education. When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? I don't drive, but I know I would, considering I can't concentrate on driving if the radio is on anyway. What do you think of when you look at the stars? How little I and my problems really are. It gives me perspective. If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Well, Biden just got into office, so I can't really say yet. We'll see what he does. What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Uh. I'unno. Maybe Snow White because animals? haha Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest. Do you look into people’s eyes when you talk to them? I try to, anyway, but I tend to find it very uncomfortable, and I never know if I'm offering too little or too much. So I have trouble maintaining it, especially with people I don't know. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Trust. What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Hm, that's a deep one. Perhaps the understanding that you are just as important as the next person and that we should work as one to make this one life that we know of worthwhile. Make the world better than when you entered it. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel blue. I just like pastels in general. When's the last time you bought something just because? I don't buy things "just because." If I actually have money to spend, I use it with motivation behind it. What Ozzy lyric describes you best? WHOA NOW HUNNY you are asking the WRONG person because I can just about name his entire discography so there are waaaay too many song lyrics to dig through and pick one for myself. Probably something from "Dreamer," after a short moment's consideration. When was the last time you went for a walk without a specific destination in mind? Not since Sara and I walked down the path near her house. We didn't plan on when we would turn around to go back. Do you daydream? Only all the time. What was your last daydream about? Ha, thanks to that other question, visiting Sara again. It'd be nice, but yeah, financial limitations and corona. Ever won the lottery? Bitch I wish. What was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? Ugh... I'd say putting all my self-worth, happiness, and source of peace into one person was pretty big but also fucking stupid. What is love really about? Don't ask a romantic this and expect a non-essay, haha. But to keep it as short as possible, it's about mutual care, the desire to grow together, trust, openness, the peace to be vulnerable with the other... It's about a lot. It's such a deep, beautiful feeling. What's the most you ever made in a year? lol Do you have an online diary? Only through surveys, really. What's the biggest pot you've won in poker? I haven't played poker since I was a kiddo, so idr. What Metallica lyric most describes your life? Who wrote this and knows my favorite bands????? Like damn. There's a good handful of the sadder songs I relate to; I did some brief digging through ones I know I relate to, and perhaps the one I feel closest is within "The Unforgiven II": "The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true. If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you." Aaaand now I'm gonna go binge Metallica 'cuz it's been too long, thanks. How many concerts have you been to? Just one. :/ Which one was your favorite? I've only seen Alice Cooper, and it was great. What's the most illegal thing you've done? Pirated stuff, oops. Ever get busted by the cops? What for? No. How many pairs of rollerblades do/did you own? I doubt I have any anymore. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? Ahaha... There is some scratching on my mom's copy of Ozzmosis thanks to me playing it so much on my old CD player. Ever have a tornado in your town? Well my city is pretty damn big, so yes, in some spots. I don't think my immediate proximity has ever seen one, though. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I would absolutely need something motivating if that was the case, so most likely "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. That song touches me so deeply and gives me the courage to do what I can to tackle life and try not to waste it. I know, I'm doing a great job at that. Ever heard of Shinedown? Hell yeah; I was actually listening to them in the car earlier. What does your lawn furniture consist of? We have nothing out there. Ever live off of canned soup and ramen noodles for weeks at a time? Er, no. But when I got my tongue pierced, I had to survive off of popsicles and... I somehow forgot the main thing I ate???? How?????? But anyway it was something that didn't involve much or any chewing, either. I actually lost a little bit of weight in that week or so because eating solids was impossible, and I didn't enjoy "eating" liquids either. That piercing (snake eyes, btw) was soooo so cute tho. I really wish it hadn't started to damage my teeth, or else I'd still have it. What musical group/artist do you love, but hide from other people? I used to be kinda embarrassed by artists like Melanie Martinez when you compare her music to my adoration of metal, but at my age now, I don't give a damn. I like what I like and won't hide it. What is the first meal you remember eating? ... Does anyone actually remember this??? What's in your keepsake box/scrapbook? Good God, a lot. I haven't looked in it in a very, very long time though. It brings a usually painful nostalgia. What did you score on your SATs? I don't even remember if I took them. I THINK I took the ACT instead? I don't even know the difference. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hm. Been a while. It's not like I'm out of the house a lot, especially nowadays with quarantine. What colors is your lava lamp? I wish I had a lava lamp, they're rad and really relaxing. What's the strangest thing you've ever hung on the wall? Nothing, really. Can you name every place you've ever had sex? I mean I can but I'm not going to. What's the most important thing you ever lost and never found again? My favorite childhood cat Charcoal. He was an outdoor and intact male, so it was very normal for him to eventually vanish to rove. Please keep your cats indoors. What forms of birth control have you used? The pill and, uh, having "barriers." How many webpages have you created, and can you still find them all? I made Wetpaint sites for my two RP mobs back in the day, but the site has since been completely revised, so no, they don't exist anymore. I checked outta curiosity I think last year. How many people are in your family portrait? We don't even have a proper family portrait. Ever punched a wall? No. When's the last time you really lost your temper? In some argument with Mom I don't remember. Ever thought you (or a girlfriend) were pregnant, but it was a false alarm? I had massive anxiety over it once, but it was irrational and even I knew that. Not that anxiety cares. If 97 is yes, were you glad or sad? I was very glad when my period came lmao. What was the last conversation you had with someone before they died? When I saw my grandma for the last time, I just let her know that I loved her and that she was so, so strong, and she was. No one could believe how long she warded death off when she finally stopped chemo. What do your drinking glasses look like? We have some more unique cups and mugs, but the majority of them are just plain, slightly angular glasses, some short, some tall. How many bottles/containers are in your medicine cabinet? Oh wow, a lot. We're covered for most potential problems. How many funerals have you been to? Uhhh I think one. Maybe even none, just wakes. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant, I think? I just used my fingers. How many computers in your household? There are three laptops, but no desktop computers. Ever help to solve a crime? There was one occasion years ago when our neighbor's window was busted overnight and cops came to us to ask for any evidence we might have had, but we didn't have any. Idk what came of it. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? I've never been pulled over. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? I think it was a margarita, but possibly a daquiri. Ever get published by one of those poetry groups? I fucking wish. I've tried, but to no avail. What's the furthest distance you've moved? Not very far at all. Just to the neighboring town. How many friends from high school/college do you still talk to? Only a few now and then. Girt is the only one I have real conversations with, though. What's the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? Probably the laptop I have right now, but idk. I've never asked how much things they've bought me cost, it seems rude somehow. What's the most expensive thing you've bought? The upcoming revamp of my tattoo. Deposit was $100, and then it's probably going to be another $300-400. I can't afford it all myself; as my birthday gift, Mom is helping me pay for it, but I've got most of it covered thanks to Christmas and birthday money. How many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? Start to do it? Well, I was trying to run for sharp objects to do it twice, but on each occasion, someone held me back 'cuz they knew I was about to do something rash, so I didn't get very far, thankfully. The only time I fully went through with an attempt was my OD. Ever spent the night in the "loony bin?" How fucking disrespectful to call it that, but whatever. If you put all the instances together, I've been in psych hospitals for around a couple months, maybe more. What is your favorite cover song? Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence" is absolutely unbeatable. I'd just about call it a cold hard fact. What's your inspiration? Other's success stories, music, art in general, etc. What's the longest relationship you've been in? Over 3 1/2 years. Did you ever drop out of school? I dropped out of college three times, yikes. Three times is enough; even if I think I want to, I'm never going back. That is just way too much money to keep throwing down the drain, and there's clearly a pattern. Ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? I've never raised a kid period. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is and know I had one surgically removed. Pretty strange and uncomf. Song that has changed your attitude recently? None, really. What's something that you say a lot to be mean? ... Why would I try to be mean??? Who told you they loved you last? Me mum. Ever had a pet frog? Not technically, no, but as kids, my sister, neighbor, and I saved hundreds, maybe thousands of tadpole eggs from a ditch that was inevitably going to dry out. We transferred them all to a kiddie pool and let them grow naturally, hopping out and into the world whenever they were ready. I wouldn't call them "pets." Your worst enemy? IT'S NO SURPRIIIISE TO MEEEE I AAAAMMM MY OWN WORST ENEMYYYYY Do you believe in karma? No, but I wish it was a thing. What was the last hurtful thing you said to someone? I'm not sure. I certainly try to avoid doing so. Do you love someone enough you'd die for them? There's multiple people. The last song you listened to? I wasn't joking when I said I was gonna go on a Metallica spree, haha. "Of Wolf and Man" is on rn. Your most favorite memory as a kid? Too many, man. If you had the choice to work or not, would you work? Yes. I need something to do that benefits others in one way or another. Ever TRULY wanted to kill someone? I can't say for sure, if I'm being totally transparent. When I found out about Jason's gf after me, I can say with certainty I wanted her dead beyond dead, but I don't know if I wanted to kill her, per se. Just to clarify, no, I don't wish any negativity upon her now. I was certifiably insane before and certainly don't think I am anymore, so... Marvel or DC? I don't care. Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed? Both. I prefer dubbed, BUT only if the voice acting isn't insufferable. I like dubbed just because for me, it's very distracting to have to keep looking down at subtitles. How often do you exercise? I don't... I'm still waiting for Mom to move into her actual room versus the living room couch so I can do WiiFit with some privacy. I'm too uncomfortable to exercise in front of anyone. What is your favorite book series? Warriors will forever have a very special place in my heart. What is your favorite OTP? I will probably ship Rhett and Link for my entire life. Their friendship is truly incredible and so so SOOOOOOO cute. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I've never seen the series, actually.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''holier than thou'' by metallica

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spiderparkerpeterman · 4 years

Text

so basically i’m baby

hmm. my last fic wasn't very popular, oops. back to fluff and feel-good content! enjoy!

content: fluff, reader being done with peter's shit, shenanigans involving those of the fur and baby kinds

warnings: reader is a meme because i have chaotic energy, lapslock, minor existential stuff

word count: 2139 (fuck oops)

you were lying on your stomach on peter's bed, watching him putter around his dorm room, putting together a presentation for his photography elective. you didn't have a due date for another week, so you had taken the chance to lounge around and laugh at peter for his assignment woes. you were scrolling through instagram when an ad for some baby clothes company came up.

"urgh," you groaned, "i look up baby carriers one time and now instagram thinks i'm pregnant."

peter looked at you from the floor where several undeveloped rolls of pictures surrounded him. "why'd you look up baby carriers?"

"i thought it'd be funny to put my spider-plushie in there and carry it around campus. like 'here's my baby, oh wait it's spider-man!'" you replied with a grin.

"i should have never allowed spider-plushie to be made. you're a menace to society, y/n," peter replied. "anyways, what's so bad about instagram giving you all those ads? never too early to start looking for good baby stuff."

you raised an eyebrow. "i'm not going to hoard baby supplies for a baby that i'll never have, peter. that's weird."

"what do you mean, 'for a baby you'll never have?'" peter asked, to which you groaned again.

"peter. my darling. love- no, wait- larb of my life. i thought you knew? must not have told you. i don't really want kids," you said, shuffling to the edge of the bed so you could hang off of it, putting your hands on the floor to keep yourself horizontal. you were really close to peter's face.

peter's now sad, pouting face.

"you don't want kids?" he asked, feeling his future almost melt away. he'd always imagined having a few kids, watching them grow up and go off to school and then college and growing old with you in your cosy little suburban house with a nice backyard and secret basement for all his spider-man needs. peter loved kids. he often went to orphanages and hospitals to play with and give hope to the kids of new york.

"sorry," you said honestly. "i've just never seen myself with kids."

"you'd make a great mom though," peter whined. you blushed a little- it was a nice compliment, sure, but motherhood wasn't really your style.

"thanks, but... i dunno. it's just not for me."

"not even hearing tiny human feet running to you after a hard day of work and having the tiny little body belonging to said tiny little feet run into you, babbling about how they missed you?" peter asked, his puppy-eyes in full effect now.

but you weren't going to fall victim to his tricks. "no," you replied, a soft smile on your face. "that's your dream, not mine, babe. 'no kids' is the first clause of my mental relationship contract."

"but why not?"

"like i said. not my thing."

three days passed, and you had started on your assignment. it was now peter's turn to hang around your dorm and laugh at your assignment woes. you were at your desk, typing away; peter was sitting against your bed on the floor, messing around with his camera.

he cleared his throat. you decided to ignore him, thinking it was just something he needed to do. but then he did it again. you spun your chair to face him.

"yes, peter?" you asked with an air of exasperation.

"i was just thinking. about what you said the other day," he replied, innocent smile on his face- but you knew better. you knew what he was talking about- that damn kids conversation, but you decided to mess with him a little.

"what did i say the other day? was it the thing about deep-dish pizza? because i'm still absolutely serious about that, you know. or was it about naming my spider plant peter- is that a little too on the nose? because the name has stuck, i'm not changing it," you said, giving a leaf of peter the spider plant on your desk a soft stroke.

"ha ha," peter deadpanned. "first of all, i'm still deeply, truly offended about the deep-dish pizza, this is new york, we are not heathens. secondly, naming a plant after me is a little weird. thirdly, it's about the kids thing."

you raised your eyebrows and formed your mouth into a little 'o' in mock surprise. "that little old thing?" you asked, heavily faking nonchalance. "i do not remember it. i cannot read suddenly, i do not know."

"it was a verbal conversation, babe," peter laughed. "it's just- you don't wanna feel that fear and apprehension but also relief of sending your kid off to their first day of school? being so proud of them for making it this far, knowing that it was all you?"

you shrugged. "again, not really for me. i don't like feeling, peter, you know that."

"you literally sobbed over that talking dog movie the other day," peter pointed out, and you flapped a hand at him vaguely.

"i was on my period, hormones do that to you," you huffed. peter just looked at you with his eyebrows raised. you stared at him, before- "okay, fine, he was abandoned, that shit's sad! and right at the end of the movie? who does that! so i feel very strongly about dogs being abandoned. but other than that, i don't like feeling, having emotions is so last year."

peter laughed, so you turned back around and continued your essay.

it was another week before peter brought up the kid thing again. you had refused to even so much as think about children the whole time, because how dare peter try to out-debate you.

that was until you were having your fortnightly date night, involving a nice dinner, and a walk around central park, or watching a movie at the cinema, or just ordering pizza and making a blanket fort to watch disney movies in. on this particular night, you had gone to mcdonalds and ordered exclusively off their breakfast menu then left to have a faux-picnic at the local play park. it was almost seven in the evening, so all the kids had cleared off to go have dinner because it had gotten dark, so you two were sitting on a wooden bridge between the slide and mini rock-climbing wall.

peter was staring off to the side of the park, where a small group of teenagers were playing basketball on the one-hoop court. you stared at him.

"whatcha thinking about?" you asked, taking a bite of your mcmuffin.

"what if we have a kid and they grow up and want to go play basketball with their mates at seven in the evening and you're, like, worried they'll get mugged or make bad choices but also happy that they've got friends and do sports and trust you enough to ask?" peter blurted out. you stared at him, mid-chew.

you swallowed thickly. "if you wanna go play basketball with the kids so bad, go. i'll keep your food safe for you. by eating it."

"no, i'm serious!" peter looked at you. "like, that's a milestone! but what if the kid gets mugged or kidnapped or something and we have to pay a ransom or call the police about it?"

"you're spider-man, peter," you pointed out, now taking a sip of your milkshake. "you'd probably go and watch over the kid then rush home when they leave and try to be nonchalant about the fact that you were just watching them, and they'd see through you because you're a horrible liar or something."

"does this mean you want a-"

"no."

peter flashed his puppy-eyes at you, but you were too busy seeing if mcmuffins, hash browns and milkshakes tasted good when eaten at the same time to care.

"ok, y/n," peter announced as soon as he opened his dorm door for you, "i thought about why you don't want kids. most mothers are terrified of childbirth. so, and hear me out, we adopt."

you put your bag down on his floor and flopped on his bed. "nah."

"seriously?"

there was something in peter's tone that made you sit up and look at him, fully prepared to be sincere and honest. "pete, look. it's not childbirth that scares me- i mean, yeah, that much pain is terrifying and i never ever want to go through it, but... i just don't like kids. never have."

"why? how can you not like children, they're adorable."

you raised an eyebrow. "they're messy. snotty. gross- dirty in general. they can't wipe their own noses until they're like, three. that's disgusting, i'm not cleaning other humans' snot off their faces. you get no sleep, no breaks, and you know i'm not a people person- i can't really handle being around people 24/7. even you, pete, i'm sorry," you explained, and peter pursed his lips.

"you like your cousins," he said.

"i kind of have to like my cousins, pete. but i don't have to see them every hour of every day. i barely even see them once a month. i need breaks, and rest, and to be alone sometimes. and to be appreciated. and validated. i'm basically baby and need validation, like, all the time. kids don't do that." you stood up and walked to peter, holding his hands. "i know how much kids mean to you, and maybe i'll change my mind in the future, but right now, i'm scared."

"of what?" peter whispered.

"of growing up. of being responsible for another human life. of having to be an adult and having all these responsibilities. i love you and i trust you, but i don't like to think of the future too much. i live in the present, pete. live mas, forever is composed of nows, everything else is uncertain, carpe diem, the world is burning, hotel trivago, i don't know," you sighed, "just trust me on this, okay?"

peter nodded, giving you a quick kiss. "i love you so much, i'm sorry for bugging you."

"it's okay, love," you giggled, "it was getting kind of funny, actually. you did research on why people don't have kids. that's hilarious."

peter laughed, dipping his head down. you poked at his curls. "i guess i got a little carried away."

"live the extra life, peter. never let anyone tell you that there's such thing as getting carried away."

you were sitting in a class, barely awake, your laptop in front of you showing an empty word document. your silenced phone lit up, showing your lock screen of peter running into tape in the doorway of his room at aunt may's apartment. you unlocked it to see peter's newest text message.

peter: i did a thing

y/n: oh god what did you do

peter: i found a baby

y/n: i'm sorry? a whole ass baby?

y/n: you found an entire baby? lying around????

y/n: peter we talked about this you know i'm frightened of responsibility, that's your thing

peter left you on read, so you stared, mildly outraged, at your phone, totally ignoring your professor. ten minutes later, peter replied.

peter: sorry the baby peed on my backpack i had to put it in the wash

y/n: i'm SORRY??

peter: i know we can't have babies in the dorm but he was just so cute i couldn't help myself

y/n: peter did you just kidnap a random trash baby what is happening do i need to leave class

peter: nononono i've got it, he's a little rambunctious

y/n: big words for a dumbass

peter: i couldn't say no to those eyes, y/n

a picture popped up on your screen. of a puppy. a little spaniel puppy was looking into the camera with the biggest, brightest brown eyes you had ever seen on any living being. peter's camera was so close to the puppy's face that his snout was elongated, making him look even cuter.

y/n: !!!

y/n: those eyes!

peter: those eyes!!!

peter: !!!!!!!!!!

peter: can we keep him?

y/n: i think you need to take him to the vet first

peter: i found him by a dumpster while doing patrol, i don't think anyone owns him

y/n: wait ten minutes so i can get out of class and then we are taking him to the vet, peter benjamin 'dognapper' parker, this isn't about if someone owns him it's about if this dog has worms and you just infested your entire dorm with illegal trash puppy worm germs

peter: can we name him spider-pup i think he needs to be my sidekick

y/n: PETER YOU MAY HAVE JUST INTRODUCED FLEAS TO YOUR DORM BUILDING YOU ARE SO LUCKY I LOVE YOU

peter, of course, left you on read. god damn that boy.

35 notes · View notes

tonystarkbingo · 3 years

Photo

TSB MIV Week 15 Roundup!

Our January party was a smashing success, thanks to everyone that participated! Now go find something amazing below the readmore and give the creator some love.

Title: the bet, the dress, and Clint made a mess. Collaborator: ekMastani Card Number: 4103 Link: AO3 Square Filled: A1 - Kink: Crossdressing Ship: Stony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Getting Together, Fluff Summary: “You know, I’m starting to think you lost that best on purpose, Rogers.” Word Count: 674

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Title: Hold Me Closer Collaborator: iam93percentstardust Card Number: 4012 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Kink: Lingerie Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Dom/Sub, Safeword Use, Explicit Sexual Content Summary: Tony is floating. Eyes closed, mouth parted, wings tucked up against his back, head lost in the clouds that make up his subspace, the collar around his throat the only thing anchoring him to the here and now, making sure he doesn’t float too far away. Sometimes, there’s a gentle, familiar hand on his head, ruffling his hair, and a rumbling voice that reminds him of home telling him what a good boy he’s being. Sometimes, there’s a spoon at his lips and that same voice urging him to try whatever is in the spoon. Sometimes, there’s a change in the vibrations teasing his prostate and his breath hitches and his hips jerk needily. And always, always, he is floating alone amongst the clouds. Word Count: 2195

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Title: Just Keep Breathin' Collaborator: ralsbecket Card Number: 4056 Link: AO3 Square Filled: R1 - Crack Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Past non-con trauma, anxiety attacks Summary: Frankly, he hadn’t thought about it in years. Decades, maybe. Despite being known as incredibly outspoken both in and out of his suits, this was a secret, ironically, that he had never been brave enough to voice out loud. Word Count: 1174

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Title: I See Your True Colours - Chapter 6 Collaborator: MagicaDraconia16 Card Number: 4019 Link: AO3 Square Filled: T4 - Schmoop Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff, humor, mutual pining, not-actually-unrequited love, fake dating, touch starved, no powers AU, minor bad language Summary: In a fit of wishful thinking, James Rhodes tells his mom that he and Tony Stark are dating. He then tells Tony that his mom thinks they're dating (because, duh, he told her so). Surprisingly, Tony actually agrees to play along with this. It's going to be an absolute disaster. ...Isn't it? Word Count: 5565

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Title: untitled Collaborator: lronhusbands Card Number: 4011 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: adopted prompt - Cinderella Story Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Gen Major Tags: moodboard Summary: “A bird may love a fish, signore, but where would they live?”

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Title: Checkmate Collaborator: needyoucap Card Number: 4029 Link: AO3 Square Filled: T4 - Steve Rogers/Captain America Ship: Stony Rating: Explicit Major Tags: uh, porn? Summary: So what if Tony had woken up the first morning of their honeymoon covered in bruises? All he remembers is wanting Steve to hold him tighter, and fuck him harder, and being delighted when he did. But now Steve is terrified of even touching Tony, for fear of hurting him. Word Count: 1220

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Title: The Siren Collaborator: rebelmeg Card Number: 4034 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: A3 - free space Ship: Pepperony, Clintasha Rating: Gen Major Tags: moodboard, noir, secret identity Summary: The Siren is one of the most luxurious clubs in 1920′s New York, owned by the infamous and rarely seen Tony Stark. As well-known as the club are the songbirds that provide nightly entertainment, Natasha Romanoff and Anthony Carbonell. Rumors abound about the kind of relationship those two must share behind closed doors; their chemistry onstage is hotter than fire. But once they leave the stage, Tony and Natasha find all they need in the arms of their own loves: Pepper Potts and Clint Barton.

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Title: Do You Quarrel, Sir? Collaborator: martianwahtney Card Number: 4011 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Royalty Ship: Harley & Tony, IronHusbands Rating: Gen Major Tags: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Family Fluff, Shakespeare Quotations, References to Shakespeare, Morse Code Summary: Prince Harley and his father, King Tony, attend a very important meeting and naturally get bored. Shenanigans ensue. Word Count: 314

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Title: Like a bad Greg Stump movie Collaborator: Gottalovev Card Number: 4077 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Huddling for warmth Ship: Tony & Rhodey Rating: Teen Major Tags: injury, hurt/comfort, friendship, huddling for warmth Summary: This is not how Tony had envisioned his ski trip with Rhodey. Word Count: 1743

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Title: untitled Collaborator: lronhusbands Card Number: 4011 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: S1 - Asexuality Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: image edit Summary: Ace!Tony’s business card & letterhead

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Title: Cappuccino, extra shot Collaborator: somesortofitalianroast Card Number: 4036 Link: AO3 Square Filled: adopted - “Oops” Ship: None Rating: Gen Major Tags: au - coffee shop, au - soulmates, au - no powers Summary: Rhodey visits Wide Awake. Accidents happen. Word Count: 867

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Title: Cutie Jail Collaborator: rebelmeg Card Number: 4034 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Prison Ship: Pepperony, Iron Family Rating: Gen Major Tags: Family Fluff and Silliness Summary: While they're supposed to be assembling a crib, instead Tony and Morgan are stuck in cutie jail. Oh, whatever will they do? Word Count: 810

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Title: Who Do You Want Me to Be? Collaborator: ceealaina Card Number: 4008 Link: AO3 Square Filled: A1 - Tony Stark/James Rhodes Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Friends to Lovers, Pining, Pre-Iron Man 1 Summary: After Rhodey returns stateside, of course Tony turns up like a one-man USO troupe to help him celebrate. But this time something changes... Word Count: 7908

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Title: Tall Tales Collaborator: eachpeachpearplum Card Number: 4003 Link: AO3 Square Filled: Adopted - Tall Tales Ship: Tony and Morgan, background Pepperony Rating: Gen Major Tags: family fluff, bedtime stories, soft dad Tony Summary: “But Daaaaad,” Morgan whines for what has to be the thirtieth time this evening. “I’m not sleepy!” Word Count: 517

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Title: Tony's Type- Bad Boys Collaborator: J_Gun_i Card Number: 4004 Link: AO3 Square Filled: adopted prompt - Víctor von Doom Ship: Ironhusbands, WinterIronHusbands, Pre DoomWinterIronHusbands Rating: Teen Major Tags: Crack(ish), canon typical violence, Doom is persistent Summary: Tony had come to terms with his uncanny ability to attract the attention of villains, or wannabe bad boys. During his years in MIT he had his fair share of wrong choices and even Rhodey to some extent had been a bad boy. Their friend Carol had loved to tease them with the song ‘Uptown girl’ in which clearly Tony had been the uptown girl. Then the Winter Soldier happened and then... well and then Doom. Word Count: 1768

#tonystarkbingomarkiv #tsbmiv #tsb miv weekly roundup #tsb miv week 15

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soberqueerinthewild · 5 years

Text

Bunker Confessionals

Five times Liz & Michael talk about love (and one time they don’t have to)

{AO3 Link}

A Liz & Michael friendship fic with heavy emphasis on Echo and Malex, and mentions of Michael/Maria. This is my first attempt at a 5+1 fic and I kind of got carried away, so three of the parts are much longer than the rest, oops! Thanks as always to @seeaddywrite for encouragement and editing. Without her there would apparently have been a lot of comma splices in here, whatever that means.

***

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Liz searches Michael’s face for some hint of his usual sarcastic smirk, but even with his head bent in concentration over his work, she can see that his expression is deadly serious.

“How could I not? Love is the reason we’re here right now, trying to resurrect the idiot you love, because he loved you so much he killed himself bringing your sister back. Your sister, who was killed because a psycho decided he was in love with her. And my sister is destroyed because she just found out that the love she thought she had was a total lie. So yeah, I’d say love is the worst thing that happened to all of us. Are you telling me there aren’t days when you think your life would just be a lot easier if you didn’t love Max? Or if you’d never even met him in the first place?”

His speech brings Liz up short. It is, in its own way, a logical argument. One that a few months ago, she might’ve agreed with. Facts and evidence have been her armor, her guiding force to stabilize her through Rosa’s death and the aftermath, through her ten years away, through her tumultuous homecoming. But love had knocked her off balance. It was the one thing she realized she couldn’t logic her way into or out of. She’d tried, god she’d tried. But once she stopped resisting so hard, once she loosened her grip on all the reasons why not, she found that she loved Max Evans the way he loved her---easily. And yes, that love turned to chaos as grief raged through her. It hurt, but it also sustained her, pushed her to get out of bed, move forward, try harder. Max believed in her without evidence, loved her the ten years she was gone, and every day since she got back. No, even in her darkest moments since his death, she couldn’t bring herself to regret loving Max.

Tears prick at her eyes. She finds it annoying how easily she cries these days. Michael looks guilty as he shuffles over to her, and puts an arm around her shoulders tentatively, less awkward than she would’ve imagined he’d be around crying women. When she doesn’t move away, he pulls her to him and lets her sob into his chest. Several times she tries to find the words to counteract Michael’s argument, to make sure Michael knows that she doesn’t, couldn’t ever feel that about Max, but she can’t speak through the tears, and Michael is mumbling apologies at her, clearly regretting bringing up the subject in the first place.

When the tears slow and she regains her composure, waving off Michael’s apologies, he switches his focus back to their work. She briefly considers trying to bring the conversation back around, but a compound Michael scribbles out on the whiteboard in the bunker triggers an idea, and she’s scrambling to record it before it floats out of her mind. Michael’s right there with her, mind spinning as fast as hers, as they build on each other’s work, and she decides the conversation can wait for another day. She’s unwilling to lose that momentum, hoping beyond hope that this idea brings them one step closer to bringing Max back to her.

“You know I’ve been thinking about what you said.” Liz remarks one afternoon a week later when they are back in the bunker testing the 342nd version of the serum they hope will boost Michael and Isobel’s powers.

“That sounds like a bad idea. What did I say?”

“About love being the worst thing to happen to all of us.”

“Aw Liz,” Michael starts, sounding remorseful, likely remembering that these comments triggered a crying fit, “forget it, please. You know sometimes I put my foot in my mouth. I didn’t mean to like, make you cry or whatever.”

“No, I mean, the thing is, what you said, it made sense to me. The logical part of my brain still kind of agrees with you. You know the whole time I was away I tried to keep all emotions at arms length. For so long after Rosa’s death, I couldn’t imagine feeling anything but grief and loss, so I tried not to feel anything at all. When I finally thought I was ready to let people into my life again, I think still unconsciously I was afraid to let anyone close that I could actually love. I tried to apply logic to relationships, pick someone I had things in common with, who had the attributes I thought I was looking for, someone that made sense for me. If it stopped making sense, I could always walk away, because I hadn’t actually invested myself emotionally. It was safe, and easy, and it didn’t hurt. When I found someone who checked every box, who seemed perfect for me, and seemed to love me so much, but I still didn’t feel anything, I knew something was missing. I did what I’m good at and ran away, back to Roswell, not knowing what I was even looking for. I didn’t know what was missing until I saw your brother again. Ten years apart, without a word spoken between us, and still when his eyes met mine, I felt more than I’d felt when Diego proposed. And even though he hurt me, even though he was a part of the worst thing that ever happened to me, and even now when I miss him so much it feels like my heart is ripped in two, I could never regret it.”

She’s a little embarrassed to feel tears pool behind her eyes again, but she wills them not to fall, composing herself before looking back to Michael, half-expecting him to be engrossed in his work ignoring her monologue. Michael never struck her as particularly sentimental, so she’s surprised to find him staring at her, expression inscrutable. She’s even more surprised when after a long moment he quietly asks, “Didn’t it ever just feel like too much to overcome? I mean especially before we knew about Noah, didn’t you ever just feel like it would be easier to try to start over with someone where you didn’t have all that baggage?”

She instinctively recoils at the idea that she could ever cast Max aside, but a memory flashes through her mind of pushing Max, shouting that she never wanted to see him again.

“Yeah,” she admits, “I did feel that way right after I learned about Rosa. I pushed Max away, and threw myself into working on that first serum. I thought I needed to protect myself from him… and you and Isobel too, I guess. But once the initial anger faded, I realized that Rosa’s death wasn’t the only reason I was pushing him away. The serum could never protect me against the thing I was really afraid of. Max’s love for me was so intense, and the idea of letting myself love him back, that was terrifying for me, especially after shutting down my feelings for so long. I didn’t know what to do with the way Max felt about me. Part of me wanted it, and part of me was so scared to let him all the way in. My mom leaving, Rosa dying, those things scarred me. I was afraid they broke me. I wasn’t sure I could love Max the way he loved me, I wasn’t sure I was brave enough to risk getting hurt. But when I finally surrendered to it, it was the best feeling. Loving him felt, it feels, like teetering on the edge of a cliff. It’s scary, terrifying even, but nothing else could compare.” She’s lost again in her memories, and forgets for a minute that Michael is even there. When she looks back at him, he seems similarly lost in thought.

Michael’s silent for so long that Liz assumes he’s reached his capacity for feelings talk for the day, and focuses back on her work. A few minutes later, Michael surprises her yet again by picking the conversation back up. “Feeling like you’re teetering on the edge of a cliff is a good feeling to you, Ortecho? I don’t know. Easy and safe seems preferable to courting death. Risking a crash landing.”

Liz lets out a laugh before she can stop herself. A flash of hurt crosses Michael’s face and she hurriedly reassures him, “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you, it’s just everything you’re saying sounds just like me from a year ago. That’s exactly what I thought I wanted. And if it were enough for me, I’d have stayed with Diego, or hell, I would’ve made a go of it with Kyle.” She ignores Michael’s mumbled “that fucking guy.” Someday she’ll find out what exactly it is that’s kept that grudge burning for ten years, but now’s not the time. “But like I told you, with Diego, something was missing. Even though he seemed perfect, I couldn’t connect to him. And with Kyle... well, I adore Kyle. I feel safe with him. He’s a good, kind, person, and,” she adds, mostly to annoy Michael, “we have good sex.” She’s rewarded with the disgusted grimace she’s expecting. “But reconnecting with Max, even when I knew he was hiding something from me and I couldn’t trust him, there was something, a pull so strong between us, it almost felt fated. It was exhilarating and scary and wonderful and so powerful, I just...I don’t know...after feeling that, I don’t think I’d be able to feel fulfilled with safe and comfortable.”

“Well, then,” Michael responds, a softness in his tone she’s rarely heard from him. “In that case I guess we better get back to work. Bring him back to you.” Liz shoots him a grateful smile, and returns to examining the sample under her microscope, hope renewed with the reminder of exactly what it is she’s fighting for.

“Ortecho, what the hell are you doing?!” Liz hears Michael clamber down the ladder into the bunker, but she doesn’t pause to even look up at him as she adds her new serum to a sample of Max’s blood. She can’t afford to be distracted right now, so if Michael’s not here to help, which he doesn’t sound like he is, she has no reservations about kicking him out of his own bunker. He continues his tirade as soon as he reaches the ground. “This is a secret lair because I keep the damn door closed and hidden. How the hell did you even move the Airstream to get down here?”

“You were at Maria’s but you left your keys in your truck. I’m an expert now, ever since I moved it to save you and Max that time.” She answers, still not looking up from her work, measuring out a new solution with a different concentration until she can get the ratio just right.

“Speaking of my brother, why are you here at the ass crack of dawn instead of curled up with him, listening to him recite poetry about your eyes or whatever the fuck it is you guys do together. He’s barely been back two days, you can’t be sick of him already.” She finally looks up as he plucks the beaker out of her hand. She grabs for it, but he lifts it out of reach. “You do remember that we already perfected the serum, right? You and me, geniuses that we are, figured it out. Iz and I brought Max back? Any of this ringing any bells?” He’s kept his tone light, but she can see the lines of concern on his face as he studies her. There’s obviously a part of him that thinks she may have lost her mind a bit after weeks and months of stress.

“I know that,” she retorts sharply, snatching the beaker back as soon as he lets his guard down slightly. “This is a new thing I’m working on.” She turns pointedly away from him, drawing up 2 ml of the solution she just mixed into a pipette and adding it to a new sample of Max’s blood on the next slide she has lined up on the table. She labels it carefully with the proportions of the new mixture and the number 8. She hears a resigned sigh from Michael and the telltale scraping as he telekinetically moves the Airstream over the manhole cover.

“Alright,” Michael says placatingly, like one might talk to a small child. “What are you working on then that’s so important it dragged you here before dawn. Maybe I can help?”

Liz pauses for a moment. Rationally, she knows she needs his help. Over the last frenzied hours of work she’s not entirely sure anything she’s done makes sense. Pure panic isn’t the best motivator in scientific endeavors, so having Michael check her work might be worth how pissed he’s likely to get when she explains what she’s working on.

“I’m trying to make a serum that will, I don’t know, regulate alien abilities.” She looks pointedly at the floor rather than at Michael, anticipating the explosion that comes a moment later.

“Regulate? You mean mute right? Didn’t you learn your lesson after almost killing Isobel? Jesus Liz, I thought you were off this, why are you trying to take our powers away, again? What the fu--”

“You were right.” The interruption pulls Michael up short. He pauses his tirade and just looks at her expectantly. “Max got himself killed because of loving me so much. But not just that, it was the guilt too. He told me last night that he did it for us, and that he’d do it again, because without Rosa back he didn’t think I could ever truly forgive him for his part in what happened to her. He didn’t want to tear us apart.”

Her explanation seems to have doused his anger. His face has softened, and he looks at her quizzically. “Well...was he right? It’s not like you don’t have reasons to resent him...us.”

“No!” Her shout reverberates through the bunker. “I really did forgive him, even before I knew it wasn’t really Isobel. I forgave him. I thought he knew that. I thought I told him that? I did, didn’t I? I don’t know, I’m not as good at putting my feelings into words as he is, you know?”

“Heh,” Michael scoffs. “I feel like that’s all you do with me. Every time we’re in this bunker you’re going on and on about your feelings.”

Liz is too wound up to even be insulted. “I know! It’s weird. Why can I say all this stuff to you, when half of it I never said to him? I never even told him I loved him before he died, did you know that?” She doesn’t pause to hear his answer. “He told me of course. Dozens of times. Told me he loved me his entire life right after I accused him of killing my sister. It’s like these things just spill out of him, you know? It seems to come so easily to him, but for me it can be a lot.” At Michael’s furrowed brow she adds, “It’s wonderful, it is, but sometimes it’s overwhelming. He’s a goddamn poet, and he just spews these pretty speeches that are so honest, and beautiful, and raw. Like a punch to the gut sometimes, and I… I don’t always know what to do with them. I can’t always respond in the moment. I need time to fight that instinct to run that’s always there right under the surface. I need a minute to regroup and actually evaluate how I feel before I can tell him. Because I do love him, I think I loved him the whole damn time, and I tried to show him, even before I could tell him, but I obviously didn’t do a good enough job.”

Her words are coming fast now, and she’s sure she’s barely coherent, but she can’t stop. “He didn’t feel how much I loved him and he didn’t believe I forgave him, and because of that I lost him. I’m so goddamn grateful to have Rosa back, but how could he not know that anything that would heal in me would be torn apart if I’d lost him for good? How could he possibly think I’d want him to sacrifice himself? And then for him to look me in the eye, mere hours after I got him back, and say he’d do it again! How am I supposed to live with that? I can’t lose him again, I won’t survive it. But I can’t seem to make him understand how much he’d be hurting me if he sacrificed himself. So I need to make something… a serum, anything, that won’t allow him to drain his life force like that again. So that I have time. To find the right words. To make him understand.”

A tentative hand on her shoulder finally pulls her out of the spiral and cuts off her torrent of words. Michael lets out a surprised grunt when she turns into his touch and buries her face in his shoulder and sobs. After a moment she feels Michael’s hand in her hair, moving in comforting, even strokes. In a moment the adrenaline that’s been propelling her since she snuck out of Max’s bed at 1 am dissipates, leaving in its place only exhaustion, causing her to sink further into Michael’s grip. He senses her fatigue and leads her over to a low table in the corner. Liz sits and leans heavily on Michael, exhausted now, both from lack of sleep last night and stress.

“Careful. It was one thing for us to cuddle like this when Max was in the pod, but we’ve established that Max isn’t always rational when it comes to you. Wouldn’t want him to bust in here and punch me out in a jealous rage.” Liz chokes out a laugh at the idea of anyone mistaking their bromance for something romantic. Michael continues, adopting a more earnest tone. “But seriously. I know being in love with a stubborn, self-sacrificing, idiot who thinks he knows how best to protect you is a tough road, but from everything you’ve told me, it sounds like it’s one your stuck with.” Incapable of being serious for too long, Michael adds, “If you’re not planning to ditch him for me that is.”

“Hmm, yeah that seems like a level of drama I’m not remotely interested in. Even if I was capable as seeing you as anything other than an annoying little brother.” Liz retorts, reaching up to ruffle his hair.

“As I am constantly telling Isobel, WE ARE THE SAME AGE!” Michael exclaims, as he knocks her hand away. “And since I seem to be always in the position of comforting you and am about to offer you some sage advice, I should at least be considered an annoying older brother.” There’s a note of sarcasm in his tone, but behind it she senses a softness, like he’s touched that she’d refer to him as family even in jest.

“You are going to offer me sage advice?”

“Yup. It’s going to be groundbreaking and ingenious.” Liz gestures for him to continue, trying to keep the look of doubt off her face.

“Ok, here it goes…. You should talk to him.”

“That’s it? That’s your brilliant advice? I should talk to him? I’ve tried! Clearly I haven’t done a good enough job if he still doesn’t understand that him dying for me wouldn’t be doing me any favors!”

“Make him understand. Try talking to him in his language, read some poetry about how your soul fits with his or some shit. Or just ramble at him like you did at me just now.” Michael sighs heavily, before speaking again. “Though I am loathe to admit it, Max and I do have some similarities, and our tendency to act rashly to protect the people we love is one of them.” A flash of indecision crosses Michael’s face, but after another deep breath he forges on. “Just before Max died, I nearly got myself killed. The only thing that saved me was being forced to confront that me dying would hurt and even endanger someone that I lo-...cared about. I’ve been on the other side too, of having someone put themselves in danger for me, and I know that helplessness and fear can eat away at you.”

Liz can tell from the set of his jaw that Michael has provided exactly as many details as he intends to share, so even though curiosity burns through her, she doesn’t bother asking for further explanation, but rather waits patiently for him to continue.

“I didn’t have the opportunity to make them see that protecting me wasn’t worth it if they put themselves at risk. But you do. You can make Max understand how much it would hurt you, for him to risk himself. Hurting you is the last thing he wants. So yeah, my profound piece of wisdom is to talk to him. Better that than fucking around with an alien muting serum that might kill us all.” He tosses a smile her way at the last part, but she knows he’s covering some real fear. He consented to help with experiments first to save Isobel and then Max, but the ingrained fear of experimentation and dissection has never left him. She imagines it’s only gotten worse since Caufield. Michael hasn’t shared any details, but Kyle gave her a basic outline, with a haunted look she hoped to never see on his face again. After a moment of hesitation, Liz sweeps her slides off the table into the trash. The look of total relief that crosses Michael’s face removes any remaining doubt that she made the right call.

“I was doubtful at first, but that actually was pretty good advice. I think I’ll take it.” She leans up and presses a kiss on his cheek, before making her way over to the ladder to exit the bunker. Michael acquiesces to her silent request, and shifts the airstream and opens the manhole cover to allow her to exit. As she climbs up towards the light, she can’t resist tossing over her shoulder, “Sorry, though, despite your infinite wisdom, you still seem like a little brother to me!”

It’s unseasonably warm for early March, the temperature reaching the mid-sixties for the first time and she’s determined to enjoy it. Liz reclines on the blanket she and Rosa dragged up to the roof of the Crashdown, as Rosa starts on painting the big toe or her second foot with a new color of nail polish. Luckily close toed shoes are required in the lab of her new job, otherwise she’d look like a lunatic with toenails painted three different colors. Alanis Morisette’s “You’ll Learn” that’s been crooning through the small Bluetooth speakers Liz bought Rosa for her first birthday since coming back is interrupted by Liz’s blaring ringtone. She quickly ignores the call without looking. Today is for her and Rosa to reconnect.

She’s barely seen Rosa since Max was resurrected a week ago, and though her sister assures her she doesn't need constant babysitting, Liz still feels guilty ignoring her sister in favor of a boy. But today Max and Isobel are spending the day with their parents. In part because Max missed them, but mostly so Isobel can influence them in believing that Max spent the last three months searching for Noah to make him sign divorce papers from Isobel. It’s the cover story they finally settled on, though Liz privately found Michael’s suggestion that they tell everyone that Max had been Eat, Pray, Loving his way around Europe trying to write a novel to be pretty funny. In the end, this fell in line with the story Isobel told her parents and everyone else that Noah had been under investigation by the SEC for embezzling money and gone on the run, leaving her behind. Isobel was the one who pointed out that their parents would never believe that Max would abandon her while she was heartbroken over her husband’s betrayal.

Though she tried to cover it, Liz caught the bitterness in her tone, suggesting that, regardless of what she might tell Max, she still feels that’s exactly what he did. Sometimes Liz feels like during the time Max was gone and in the week since his resurrection she’s been letting everyone down. She knows she can get single-minded when working on something, and it not only prevented her from being as present for Rosa as she should’ve, but also kept her from being there for Isobel, and god, she’s barely seen Maria in weeks. She sends up a silent thanks for Kyle and Alex, who have stepped in where she failed. Kyle taking his new brotherly role seriously and helping Rosa with anything she needs, and Alex, the only person she knows who could unflinchingly face Isobel’s prickly snark. He’s helped her channel her rage into self defense classes, which Liz privately believes is the only reason Isobel didn’t blow out all the glass within a 10 mile radius of Roswell in the weeks after their first failed attempt to bring Max back.

Liz tries to shake off the guilt. Her berating herself for the past won’t help anyone, and instead she knows she should focus on the future. Now that Max is back, and some semblance of normal has returned to their lives, she can refocus on her sister and her other friends. She’s just about to ask Rosa what she wants to do for dinner tonight, when the music is again interrupted by the harsh sound of her ringtone. She sighs and checks the Caller ID to see Maria’s smiling face flash across the screen. Liz frowns. She’d invited Maria to come hang out with her and Rosa today, but she’d begged off, explaining that the bar was short-handed right now, and she had to work open to close.

Liz pauses the music and answers the phone on speaker. “Thank God, Liz.” The worry in Maria’s voice is evident even over the loud din of the Saturday afternoon crowd at the Pony. “I’m sorry to bother you, I know you’re spending the day with Rosa, but I can’t get anyone else. Max and Isobel both have their phones off. I even called Kyle first but he’s at the hospital until 4.” Liz’s heart starts pounding, wondering what could be wrong now. She’d been so hopeful that they could go just a few days without an emergency. “I need you to come get Michael. He’s drunk.”

Liz lets out a relieved sigh. It’s not great, but on the new scale she’s developed for levels of crises, this barely registers. “Ok… That’s not exactly unusual. I mean he’s been a lot better recently, but maybe he’s just blowing off some steam. Can’t he just sleep it off in your apartment upstairs?”

“No, this is different Liz. He’s a mess. I tried to get him to go sleep it off, but I think he just kept drinking upstairs before wandering back down here. He’s sloppy and I can tell he’s spoiling for a fight.” Maria’s voice is tight with irritation. “I haven’t seen him like this since right after Max… you know.”

Yeah, Liz does know. The first week after Max died, Michael, Isobel, and Liz all grieved in their own ways. Liz with endless tears and a laser-like focus on finding a way to bring Max back. Isobel with rage and exploding everything within range of her new telekinesis. And Michael grieved by falling back into old habits, drinking and getting into fights at the Wild Pony. They were all enough of a mess that it necessitated finally letting Maria in on the secret, if only for reinforcement from someone who wasn’t completely traumatized. But eventually Michael had pulled himself together. He’d helped Liz with the serum, cut back on his alcohol consumption, and even managed not to completely sabotage his burgeoning relationship with Maria, though Liz realizes she really doesn’t have much of a clue about how that’s been going. Despite all her time spent with Michael, it’s not something they’ve talked about at all. She might not know much, but one thing seems evident now: if she doesn’t do something, Michael’s likely to wake up in a jail cell and single.

She looks regretfully at Rosa for a minute before sighing resignedly. “Do you need me to come get him out of there?”

The answer comes immediately. “Yes. I really am sorry, Liz. I know you were gonna spend the day with Rosa, but with us understaffed here and being up half the night because my mom somehow managed to walk out of the nursing home for a little nighttime stroll again, I just really don’t have the capacity to deal with another person in my life who rambles incoherently and has a penchant for attracting trouble.”

Liz’s heart twists painfully. Maria is always such a calming and supportive presence it’s easy for her to forget how much Maria has on her own plate. “Of course, babe. I’ll be there in 10 to take him off your hands.”

She turns to Rosa with an apology in her eyes, but Rosa waves her off. “Go, go, manita. I heard. Drunken alien in crisis. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m guessing you don’t want to come?” Rosa’s still a little wary around any of the aliens, though for the past week she’s put up with Max for Liz’s sake.

“Hmm, pass. I’ve experienced enough drunken spirals myself. No need to bear witness to someone else’s. I’ve got my art supplies up here. Maybe I’ll update some of my graffiti for old times sake. I’m feeling all nostalgic today. Now get out of here.” Rosa gives Liz a playful shove, and Liz reluctantly makes her way inside.

When she enters the Pony eight minutes later, she catches sight of of Michael immediately. He’s slumped over the bar staring at Maria beseechingly, while Maria shakes her head and yanks the bottle he’d likely stolen from behind the bar out of his hand. Her exasperation transitions to relief when Maria’s gaze falls on Liz as she makes her way over to the bar. “Tag, you’re it,” Maria greets her with a tired half-smile. Liz slides into the chair next to Michael, drawing his attention for the first time.

“Liz,” Michael slurs, “here to have a drink with me?”

“Nope, here to drag your ass out of here before Maria runs out of patience.” Michael’s gaze flickers from Liz’s face to Maria’s and back again. Whatever he sees there seems to convince him that leaving without a fight is his best option. Maybe he can tell that Maria truly is at the end of her rope.

“Fine,” he acquiesces, “I’ve got booze at home too.” Liz has no intention of letting him get drunker, but her mission now is to get him out of the Pony, so she says nothing as she drags him out the door. She snags his keys from his pocket and leads him to his truck, figuring she can get Rosa to pick her up later and bring her back to her car if need be. Michael is strangely compliant about getting in the truck, barely even reacting when Liz insists he buckle his seatbelt before she’ll start driving. He’s quiet on the drive over, leaning his head on the window and staring off into space. Liz hopes he’ll pass out quickly when she gets him back to the Airstream. They can talk tomorrow about whatever motivated this round of day drinking.

Unfortunately, when they pull into the junkyard he seems to reanimate and he’s out of the truck and pushing the Airstream out of the way with his mind before she’s even parked. He’s halfway down the ladder into the bunker by the time she climbs out of the truck herself, and she has no choice but to follow him down, wondering if he’s making a beeline for an acetone stash down there. But when she follows him down the ladder she doesn’t find him guzzling acetone or even booze, rather she sees for the first time what he so carefully protected under the cover on the far table. It’s clearly alien in nature, as it has an otherworldly glow. Best she can figure it’s some kind of alien electronic or vehicle. She can’t quite tell, but it’s obviously important enough for Michael to have kept hidden.

Liz watches him pull a large shard of purple glass, and float it towards the rest. She gasps in awe as it knits itself together with the other pieces. The object looks like it may be complete now. She expects to see triumph on Michael’s face. He’s obviously been building this for years, and putting in the last piece should bring him satisfaction, but if anything, he looks bereft. He stares for a long moment before tugging the cover back over the object and sinking onto one of the cots they’d eventually set up in the bunker after falling asleep with their heads bent over a table one too many times when working to bring Max back. She sits down next to him, waiting for him to say something.

After a moment, he obliges. “Well, now you know my big secret, I guess.”

“I mean...not really. What is it?”

“I think it’s the console from the ship. If I attach it to a vehicle, I might be able to find our home planet.”

Liz gapes at him silently for a moment, taking in the meaning of his words. “You’re trying to leave the planet?” Her voice cracks as she imagines Roswell without Michael here. In the past six months he’s become such an important person to her. The only one who understands how focused she can gets into a project in the lab. The only one who craves answers with the same intensity she does. And weirdly, the easiest person to talk to about whatever chaotic feelings are swirling through her at any given moment. She doesn’t know how to verbalize that to him, and he doesn’t seem open to hearing it, as his face is closed off when she looks back at him.

“Yeah, so? People leave. You left.” His tone is sharply accusatory, which puts her on the defensive.

“Right, and who influenced me into doing that?”

“Bullshit. You told Max you were glad Isobel made you leave. And Isobel can’t influence someone into doing something they don’t want to do in the first place. You told me once that you loved Max the whole time. Since we were 17. If that were really true, how could you want to leave him?”

The stark pain in his face softens her initial pique at being called out. She considers how to answer him honestly. It’s not something she’s ever tried to put into words before. “I do believe I loved Max, even at 17. And if Rosa hadn’t died, maybe I would’ve been with him then. Maybe we’d have gone on that road trip, and figured out how to be in the same place the next year. But maybe not. I’ll never know who I would’ve been if Rosa hadn’t died. But losing her, it forced me to acknowledge that I didn’t know who I was without her. Since I was young, what I did, who I was, was shaped by either trying to be like her, or trying to be the opposite of her, depending on the trait. Without her, there was emptiness. I didn’t have a foil. She was the sun, to my moon, without her, I was only darkness. When she died, I wasn’t sure which of two instincts to follow. The instinct I’ve always had to run, a not so favorable trait I might’ve gotten from my mom, and the instinct to hide. Maybe if Isobel hadn’t influenced me, I would’ve chosen to hide in Max. Maybe I would’ve clung to him to try to replace what I’ve lost. But if I did that, I don’t think it would’ve worked out in the long run.”

She pauses to think about how to make him understand how she can be both glad to have had the experiences she had the ten years away, and sad or regretful that she’d left Max behind to do so. “When I say I wanted to leave, and that in some ways I’m glad I did, it’s because it forced me to figure out how to be strong. How to be independent, and make my own way through the world, without being so scared of being imperfect. I may have swayed too far in the other direction, cutting myself off and not letting myself be close to anyone, but it did turn me into a person that could come back here, and after some trial and error, eventually accept Max’s love on my own terms, easily, not as an escape, but as a choice. And maybe there could’ve been a better way. A way to do both, find my strength without leaving. But I was a scared 17 year old, who had just been through a major trauma, and I did the best I could. Max told me once that since my mom left and I lost Rosa, it's easy to understand why I always try to leave before I can be left. And I think that’s true. But we’ve made our way back to each other, and though sometimes I still have the instinct to run, he supports me in fighting it. I told him if I ever lose the battle and run away, I want him to follow me. I know I hurt him in the past, but we love each other. And we are making the decision to be together, despite all the mistakes we’ve both made in the past. And that has to be enough.”

Michael just nods at her, which she takes to mean he’s found her answer acceptable. After all this time, she’s come to accept that their conversations will always be relatively lopsided. Her rambling on about whatever comes into his head, him asking vague, inscrutable questions that hint at a deeper meaning, and never offering an explanation. He surprises her by stretching out on the cot and dropping his head in her lap. They do have a tactile friendship, she supposes, though he has only initiated contact in the past as a means of comfort during the embarrassing number of times she broke down about Max in this very bunker. Perhaps it’s his lowered inhibitions due to the alcohol, or the trust she likes to think they’ve built that lets him feel comfortable enough in this moment to seek comfort for himself.

Unsure if it will be welcome, but wanting to reciprocate the gesture, she cards her fingers through his hair. He leans into her touch like a cat, so she guesses he’s ok with it. She continues stroking his hair, wondering if he will ever respond, or just drift off. After a few minutes, he speaks up so quietly she’s not sure at first if he means to be talking out loud, “I guess I understand why you’d be tempted to leave before getting left. If I could’ve, I might have done the same. Getting left sucks.” Liz knows abandonment was an all too common theme in Michael’s life. She understands why having a project where he could imagine a way home might sustain him. But now that they know that home is a war torn planet, the idea of him risking everything to go where there might be nothing waiting for him is unbearably sad.

“Yeah it does. But sometimes people come back. Please don’t go anywhere where you might not be able to. What would Max, Isobel, and I do without you?” She thinks about including Maria in this list, but with the exasperation she just witnessed, and the fact that Michael has never mentioned their relationship to her, but hasn’t exactly been the voice of optimism when he talks about love, she doesn’t know if including her would hurt or help the situation.

“You’d have each other. After a while, you wouldn’t even notice I was gone.”

Liz shook her head vigorously. She first thinks about cracking a joke, but Michael has a vulnerability on his face she’s never seen before, so she opts for the truth. “Yes, we would. Max and Isobel are your family, Michael, They love you. I know you and Max have trouble actually talking to each other, but he talks to me. He tells me how grateful he is to you for helping bring him back, how much he cares about you, how he wishes he could fix things between you. And you are family to me, too. I would not have made it through the months when Max was gone without you. I would have just wallowed in my grief. You listened to me, you held me when I cried, and your brilliant mind made it possible to bring Max back. Michael, there are people that need you here, including me, ok?”

Liz thinks her words have sunk into at least a little, as Michael’s eyes look a little wet. He rolls over so he’s facing away from her, but doesn’t move his head from her lap. He sighs, “It was a childish pipe dream anyways. Don’t worry, Ortecho, I won’t leave you here. Besides, what happens the next time a serum cure is needed? You can’t be trusted alone not to accidentally poison someone, so I guess I’ve got to stick around.” It’s practically a declaration of friendship coming from Michael, so she ignores the dig, and continues stroking Michael’s hair as he burrows closer to her.

She decides to take a risk and ask, “So, do you want to tell me what made you decide to go on a bender today?”

“What, I need a reason to go on a bender? Isn’t this just par for the course for me: a drunken criminal?”

“No, Michael, it is not. Not usually. Except when something really upsets you. You always listen to me ramble, so why don’t you let me return the favor for once?”

“Nothing new. Just got reminded of what it feels like to get left behind, and it fucked with me for a minute. I’ll be fine tomorrow. Just a bad day, ok? Don’t wanna talk about it.” His eyes flicker closed and his breath slows. Liz decides to leave it alone for the day and let him sleep for a bit. She closes her eyes too and drifts off, leaning her head back against the wall.

Pain in her legs wakes her, and she realizes she must’ve fallen asleep. Michael appears to still be resting peacefully, though she realizes belatedly that she forgot to make him drink water so he’s sure to have a hell of a hangover the next day. She checks her phone and sees it’s nearly 7 pm. She hates to leave Michael here, knowing the cot is not comfortable, and he’ll likely feel like crap when he wakes up. She shakes him, but he doesn’t so much as stir. She can’t get him up the ladder without help, and Max and Isobel have planned to stay at their parent’s house tonight to make sure the influencing was successful. Maria’s still working, and she doesn’t think calling her would exactly help their potentially floundering relationship. She realizes Kyle is off work now, so he’s probably her best option. Guerin may hate him, but he’s not conscious enough to object, so he can deal. She slides Michael’s head off her lap and onto a pillow and climbs out of the bunker, thankful Michael was too drunk to remember to move the Airstream back over the entrance. She walks towards the entrance until she has a good signal.

Kyle answers after three rings, “What’s up, Liz?” She hears the sound of Kyle’s footsteps followed by a door closing. She wonders if she interrupted a date. Kyle obviously wouldn’t want a girl he’s seeing to overhear him talking to an ex-girlfriend, but he’s too conscientious and primed for a crisis to ignore her call even when he should. She thinks about telling him to forget it, but she really doesn’t want to leave Michael in the bunker for the night. If Kyle says no, she’ll figure something else out.

“I was hoping for your help with a little situation I’ve got going on.”

“Is Rosa ok?” Kyle asks immediately. Once she reassures him, his tone lightens, and he quips, “In that case, I’m gonna need a few details, Ortecho. With you it could be literally anything.”

“So, Michael was a bit over-served, and is passed out in his bunker. I’m not quite buff enough to move him to his bed. Any chance you’re free to help?” She’s not above a bribe, so she adds, “There are free fries in it for you if you do.”

“To help Guerin? Yeah, not today, Liz.” Liz is surprised to hear a bite to his tone. She’d always been under the impression that the animosity was one-sided. Kyle is usually tolerant of Michael’s antics and seemed to brush off his constant snarking in the past, so this attitude is new. She hears a heavy sigh, and when Kyle speaks again, he sounds more like himself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. But I really can’t help. I’m a little tied up out here at the cabin with Alex. He’s also been a little...over-served as well. Today’s a tough day for him, two years since the explosion that took his leg, and then he and Guerin got into it this morning.I don’t know all the details, but suffice to say, it wasn’t good, as it seems to have led them both to the bottom of a bottle. So I’m not exactly feeling charitable towards Michael right now. But if you really can’t find anyone else, I can swing by once I get Alex settled, but I’m not sure when that’ll be. Sorry.”

Liz isn’t sure she even says goodbye before she hangs up the phone. She’s rooted to the spot as she replays every conversation she and Michael have had over the past months and starts to see them in a new light. Fuck. It’s always about Alex with Michael. She doesn’t know how she hadn’t seen it before. She’d known from Maria that they’d had something in high school, but from Maria’s description it had seemed like it might’ve mostly one-sided, or maybe that’s what Maria wanted to believe.

After Michael and Maria started doing whatever it is they are doing, she’d checked in with Alex once, but he’d refused to give any details and waved off her concern. And she’d let him. There had been so many other things to focus on that she honestly hadn’t wanted to get wrapped up in any love triangle nonsense between three of her closest friends. Maybe that’s how she let every seemingly obvious clue pass her by. It’s now abundantly clear that every time Michael talks about love it’s Alex he’s thinking of. And if Maria’s reading of him a few months ago was accurate, and her readings usually are, then Alex is in love with Michael too. Fuck. She doesn’t entirely blame Michael for trying to move forward with Maria. It’s obvious he and Alex have had their share of pain. Something that made him feel like love was the worst thing that happened to him. And with so much other trauma piled on, she gets why he might try for something else, something, what did he say months ago? something easy and safe. But it seems clear that won’t work for him in the long run any more than it would work for her. And it seems inevitable that in addition to complicating all of her friendships, it has the potential to break Maria’s heart. Fuck.

Her pragmatism returns, and she acknowledges there's nothing she can do today to halt this impending trainwreck. She returns to the bunker, and shakes Michael awake roughly, feeling somewhat less charitable than she had earlier. With her help he’s able to make it up the ladder, into his Airstream and into bed. Her better angels do eventually prevail and she entreats him to drink water before sleeping and even places some water and a small bottle of acetone next to his bed for when he awakes, before calling Rosa to pick her up. Tonight she wants to have dinner with her sister. Untangling the complex love lives of her friends can wait for another day.

“You here to yell at me?”

“For leaving the door to your secret lair exposed? No. You’re the one who has a stick up their ass about that.” She lowers herself down the last rung of the ladder and flashes Michael a sad smile. “Or for breaking up with Maria last night? Also no.” A look of relief flashes across his face. Despite her telling him on many occasions that she considers him family, she can tell Michael thought ending his relationship with Maria might cost him her friendship.

“I thought you’d be with her now. Drinking tequila and bitching about what an asshole I am. Isn’t that what girls do?”

“Well I was there,” Liz admits. “And full disclosure, I may have had more than a little tequila.” At his worried look, she adds, “Don’t worry, your brother dropped me here and will pick me up. He’s on patrol tonight, but it’s been slow. Anyways, I was there and so was Isobel for some reason, and after a bit Isobel declared that me and my ‘stupidly coupled-up face’ were no longer welcome there.” Michael arches an eyebrow in disbelief and Liz raises her hand, indicating her own bewilderment. “I know. It was a little surprising coming from her, but she’d had even more tequila than I had, so she was a little less poised than usual. Anyway, she said the rest of the party was only for the recently dumped or widowed, and Maria seemed to be finding Isobel’s antics amusing, so I left. I figured with Max on duty and Isobel with Maria, that maybe you could use a friend.” Liz hopes there will come a time when Michael doesn’t look so astonished at someone caring about him.

Liz leans against the table facing him and asks gently, “You want to tell me what went wrong? Everything seemed fine at dinner last night.” In truth, the double date had been painfully awkward, at least for her. In the week since she’d put Michael to bed after his Alex-inspired day drinking, she’d wrestled with what to do. It felt like she might be the only person with all the relevant information, but wasn’t sure how much interfering, if any, was appropriate. There didn’t seem to be a solution that wouldn’t end in broken friendships and broken hearts, so she’d done nothing. When Max, in an effort to normalize things and improve his relationship with his brother had arranged a double date with Michael and Maria, she’d nearly forced him to cancel, unsure of how she could sit across the table from them, knowing that Maria wasn’t who Michael thought about when he talked about love. But in the end she’d gone, and it had been largely uneventful. Still, she can’t pretend she wasn’t a little relieved when Maria called her this morning and told her Michael had broken up with her a few hours after their date. It took the decision out of her hand, and though Maria was sad, she didn’t seem destroyed. More wistful that the potential she thought was there never really came to fruition and regretful that the relationship had strained her friendship with Alex, who she admitted was unfailingly polite to her these days but couldn’t look her directly in the eye. Liz privately thought it was likely to get worse before it got better, but she still had hope that one day in the future they’d all be friends again like when they were younger.

“It was,” Michael finally speaks. “Fine, I mean. It always was, with the exception of the few times I got obnoxiously drunk. Happy sometimes, comfortable, safe.” After a long moment he lets out a breath like he always does before venturing into topics that make him feel vulnerable. “But seeing you and Max together last night, remembering all the things you’ve said about the way you’ve worked through your shit, and how you feel when you’re with him… well I had to face a fact I’ve been avoiding for a while. As much as I adore Maria, and god, I really do...” The sincerity shines through on his face, and the small amount of anger she’d been carrying on her way over here dissipates entirely. “Despite that, safe and comfortable isn’t what I want. Just like you said to me when we were trying to bring Max back, when you’ve had something that feels fated,” he smiles ruefully, “something cosmic. Well, safe and comfortable just isn’t enough.” His smile fades and his mood turns dark. “I’m just sorry I hurt Maria in figuring that out.”

Liz pats his arm reassuringly. “It wasn’t great. But I do think she’ll get past it eventually.” Liz considers for a moment, before deciding she has to ask. They can’t keep talking around it forever. “So are we gonna talk about Alex, now or what?”

Off Michael’s surprised look, Liz continues, “I mean, he is who you mean when you talk about fated and cosmic, right?”

Michael looks guilty and a little embarrassed at the same time. “You know about that, huh? From Alex?” Liz shakes her head. “Figures. Maria then? I guess girls do talk.”

“Are you upset? Did you not want me to know?”

Michael looks conflicted, like he’s not quite sure how to answer. “I’ve never really cared if people knew, that was more Alex’s thing than mine. I just wish...I don’t know...I wish I had some control over it. That I got to tell people on my own terms. Not about Alex, even, but about me, I guess. Maybe it’s dumb, it shouldn’t matter, I’m not ashamed of it. But Max apparently knew for years and never even said anything until I made him angry enough to snap. I still don’t know for sure how Maria found out, and then with you, at first I assumed you knew: that Alex or Maria had told you, but you never said anything, so.” He shrugs. “I don’t know. it’s water under the bridge now.”

“No, Michael. It’s not dumb, you’re right. I’m sorry for how everything happened, and I’m sorry for being so wrapped up in everything else that I didn’t try to talk to you about it until now.” Maybe it’s because she’s never had to think about it, but it hadn’t even occurred to her until this moment that Maria had essentially outed Michael to her, and it sounds like it wasn’t the first time that happened to him. She knew it wasn’t malicious, neither she nor Maria had an issue with bisexuality, and had been focused only on the issues raised by the fact that it was Alex, but of course there were added layers. Alex always played things close to the chest, even as a kid, so she hadn’t thought too hard about why he didn’t share details about his high school crush or subsequent relationships. But she realizes now that it wasn’t just Alex being private, it’s that it wasn’t his decision to make. Sharing details could always mean outing someone. And given that Alex hadn’t ever really had a choice about coming out himself, since by the time high school rolled around, he was in a glass closet at best, he would be particularly sensitive about outing someone else. With the choice taken away from Michael, she thinks he at least deserves not to have some details. “Just so you don’t have to wonder, my understanding is that Maria did find out from Alex, but he didn’t actually tell her. You know how she is, she read him the day after we got back from Texas. It’s pretty hard to lie to a psychic. Maria confided in me later when she was trying to work out her feelings. I know it doesn’t make it ok, but she was really just trying to give me context.”

Michael shrugs. “Like I said, it is what it is. I’m not angry that you know.”

“So, do you want to talk about it? I know you had something in high school, but I thought that was all it was until recently. When I put together a few things about the conversations we’ve had. It sounds like it was or maybe is a lot more than that.”

Another long breath escapes Michael before he says anything else. “Yeah… it’s kind of everything.”

Like so many times before, Michael’s simple truth catch her off guard. She collects herself enough to ask, “So, what’s keeping you apart? I may not know the details, but you certainly haven’t sounded particularly optimistic about love, and Kyle mentioned you and Alex got into it last week just before your epic day drinking disaster.”

Michael shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot and runs a hand through his hair, looking anywhere other than at her. “There are a lot of things between us. We’ve been through some pretty awful stuff. We had amazing moments too, but the trauma cast a pretty big shadow. He’s a little skittish, I’m a little defensive, he walks away, I feel abandoned. It’s a whole thing. After everything that happened this fall and winter, it seemed like time for us to stop banging our heads against the wall. I thought I needed something new. Something different.”

“But you don’t think that anymore?” Liz prods.

“Don’t let it go to your head or anything, but you rambling on about Max made me see a few things in a different light. Last week, well, Alex gave me that last piece of the console I showed you. I guess he’d had it for a while but hadn’t given it to me because he, I don’t know, he said he wasn’t ready for me to leave or something. And in the moment I was pissed. Because he kept leaving me, but I couldn’t leave him? That’s not fair. So I lashed out, like I do, and he told me we could talk another day, but that it was two years since he’d nearly died and he wasn’t in the mood to be a punching bag and left. I just started thinking about everything. About what it felt like when he left for the Air Force for the first time, and what it would’ve felt like if he hadn’t ever come home. It was shitty and I didn’t know what else to do so I got drunk. Fell back into old coping mechanisms ‘cause that’s what I do when it gets to be too much, even though I’ve been trying to break that habit, I slip up sometimes.”

He pauses for a breath, but surprisingly continues talking. “The next day, and every day since, it just made me think, like, Alex does the same thing sometimes. When he gets overwhelmed, he falls back into old coping mechanisms too. He walks away. That’s why I felt like if we tried again, we’d just be repeating old patterns, but I realized Alex was, in his own way trying to break that habit. He just...well, he’s like you in some ways. He needs a minute to catch up, to process, and I don’t always give that to him. I expect him to show he cares like I do, and that’s not him. But lately he was trying to stop walking away, to use his words a little more, and yeah, he slipped up sometimes this year, but he did keep coming back. I wasn’t in the place to see it before, but I do now. And then I thought about you, and how you are doing the same thing, working not to run when you get overwhelmed, and how Max is helping you, and how you’d want him to come after you if you did regress. I thought about how you worked through past trauma and forgave each other, and how you want each other, even when it’s hard. And I realized that I want to do that too, to put in the work. When he told me he was giving me that piece of the ship so I could leave if I wanted, move on, be happy, I realized I don’t want to. I don’t want to try to go home. Because besides that brief moment with my mom, Alex is the only one that has ever made me feel like I’m home. And moving on didn’t work, even with someone I adore and care about as much as Maria, because I don’t want to move on. Because...well fuck, because I love him.”

He finally looks up at her, a little sheepish. “And well that’s the most words I’ve ever said at one time. I think I’m turning into you, now. Rambling about my feelings. You’re a bad influence, Ortecho.”

She laughs, warmth and love for him flooding through her. He’s been through so much, and he and Alex both deserve the chance to try to work through things. “Well, you know what you have to do now, right?”

The look he shoots her indicates that he thinks she might’ve gone mad. “What about anything I just said indicates to you that I have any earthly idea about what I should do now? Everything’s a disaster. Alex thinks I’ve moved on. Maria, the only person that really put up with me for the last ten years before you came back to town, probably hates me now. I’m well and truly fucked…why the hell are you smiling?”

“Well, see, one time when I was spiraling, kind of like you are right now, a literal genius, as he likes to remind me he is, gave me some sage and brilliant advice that I think might work for you now.” She can tell by Michael’s rolling eyes that he knows where she’s going with this. “Yup, that’s right...it’s coming back to bite you in the ass. You should talk to him. What did you say to me? ‘Just ramble at him like you just did to me?’ That should work. And I mean that literally: tell Alex what you just told me, in the same way. No vague, but dramatic metaphors. Tell him, and if he gets overwhelmed and leaves? Give him a day and then go after him. But I don’t think he will. And in time, who knows, the whole talking thing might go a long way with making things right with Maria, too.”

Michael just makes a humming sound, which could mean agreement or just that he’s done talking for the day, but that’s alright. She knows now that even when it seems like he’s not listening, he thinks about the things she says. Liz has faith that eventually he’ll take the advice and untangle this mess.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Liz can’t stop herself from laughing out loud at Max’s nervousness.

“Yes. I want to tell him now and you know his phone doesn’t work down there. Besides, he might get pissed at you for going busting in unannounced, but he actually likes me.” At the wounded look Max tries to cover, Liz regrets the joke. Max and Michael have made strides in their relationship in the two months since Max’s resurrection, but there are still some missteps and resentments to work through. Michael clearly does have a greater level of comfort around Liz than Max, so she really shouldn’t tease. She takes a softer, more serious tone, as she continues. “Come on, he’s going to be happy for us.” Max relents and uses his still relatively new telekinetic powers to slide the Airstream over, and open the manhole cover.

“Michael, you down there?” Max yells, rolling his eyes when he realizes Liz hasn’t waited for a reply and is already halfway down the ladder. But despite his reservations, he follows her lead.

She immediately notices when she reaches the ground that there have been some changes since the last time she was here over a month ago. The ship console remains, but is pushed over in the corner and a few of the tables have been removed to make room for an extensive computer setup, which Michael is currently standing in front of. As Michael whirls around, an irritated look on his face that softens slightly when he catches sight of her, she immediately recognizes the reason for the change, as Michael’s sudden movement reveals Alex lounging in the chair in front of the monitor set up. He gets up to greet her with a much friendlier smile.

“Ortecho, you’re abusing my open door privileges here. I never said you could bring guests down here.” Michael gestures to Max, who has now made his way to the ground as well. The harsh words are undercut by a teasing smile which Max returns.

Alex bumps Michael’s shoulder with his own. “I think what Michael meant to say, was ‘hey guys, how are you?’” Michael attempts to seem annoyed at Alex’s rephrasing, but can’t seem to look at Alex with anything other than adoration these days. They finally got their shit together a few weeks after she and Michael had the last of what she’s now calling their bunker confessionals. They’d even quietly been on a few dates around town, including at the Crashdown, and Liz had only barely stopped herself from squealing out loud when she saw them holding hands shyly under the table and looking at each other like there was no one else in the room.

“Sure, we’ll go with that. And also, what the hell are you guys doing here? Max, I’d thought since getting trapped here you wouldn’t really be eager to come back.”

“Eh, it wasn’t all bad,” Max responds sincerely. He’s told Liz that though they’ve had setbacks since, he feels getting stuck in this bunker had been a real breakthrough in their relationship. Michael seems to catch his meaning and gives him a half-smile. “Anyways, we have news to share and Iz said you were off the map, so we figured you might be down here.” Truthfully, Liz had wanted to tell Michael immediately, but Max convinced her that dealing with Isobel’s rage if she wasn’t the first to know wouldn’t have been worth it. Maria had been at Isobel’s that morning oddly, so they were able to tell them both at the same time. Afterwards, Liz insisted they come straight here.

“So, what was so important that you were willing to encourage Isobel’s unhealthy stalking tendencies? I know you hate that she tracks our phones almost as much as I do.”

“Well… Liz and I talked, and we decided--”

Liz rolls her eyes in fond exasperation. Max is long winded at the best of times, and she’s not sure he’s ever going to get to the point, so she jumps in, stretching her hand out for Michael and Alex to see the ring sparkling there. “We’re getting married!” She yelps a moment later as she feels herself being lifted off the ground in an exuberant hug.

When Michael finally puts her down, he gives Max a more reserved bro hug/back slap combo that she sees boys do with each other, and a sincere, “Congratulations.” And as she studies him over Alex’s shoulder, as he gives her a less exuberant, but just as heartfelt hug, she could even swear Michael’s eyes look a little wet, though she knows better than to comment on it. After Alex shakes Max’s hand, he comes to stand behind Michael, resting his chin on Michael’s shoulder as they talk wedding plans, and Michael lightly teases them both about how little say they’ll get in anything once Isobel takes over. The contentment that fills her in this moment feels almost surreal.

Liz thinks back to all the conversations she and Michael had in this very bunker, talking about love, and wondering if the pain, sacrifice, and worry would all be worth it. If they’d ever get a chance to be happy with the people they love. As she leans back into Max’s arms, and watches Michael press a kiss into Alex’s hair, she knows neither of them have to wonder anymore.

#brotp: science bros #michael guerin #liz ortecho #5+1 fic #malex fic #echo #maribel if you squint #roswell new mexico fic #my fic #soberqueerinthewild

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liamtsullivan · 4 years

Text

-- && guests may mistake me as ( andy biersack ), but really i am ( liam sullivan + cis male + he/him ) and my DOB is ( 12/28/93 ). i am applying for the ( banquet manager ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( #203 ). i should be hired because i am ( + loyal, charismatic, driven ), but i can also be ( - distracted, opinionated, pushy ) at times. personally, i like to ( watch documentaries, play poker, get tattoos ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work. thank you for your consideration!

ooc;; it’s ya girl kay again, i’m so so sorry adfjlaksfj. this is liam, he’s a brain baby of mine that i played a little while ago and he’s been haunting me since i stopped playing him so here he is to be a part of y’all’s lives. hopefully you dig him, if not......... well that’s fine, too. can’t make you do anything, i’m not your mom unless you’re card; go to your room, card.

TW’s: Mentions of prostitution. Abortion. Drug use, drug addiction, drug overdose, & drug related death.

fast facts / personality details;;

( i put these first this time because the background is A Lot on this one okay )

has a rather protective and care-giving nature mixed in with his excellent work ethic and drive.

loves when guests ask for the manager and he gets to come out and see how much they didn’t expect the manager to be a 6′4″ beanpole with neck tattoos.

lives by the ideal “put your money where your mouth is” ; also just like, be genuine and up front with him in general, like he’s not an asshole, but also he knows how to deal with assholes, so let that be said

has a five year old german shepherd named Roxy that he rescued from shelter overflow when she was only a six month old puppy; Roxy still thinks that she is a small lap dog despite being a Big Girl

still wears the ring that his mom gave him for his eighteenth birthday every day, despite the issues that they had, and despite her being gone now.

has his nose pierced and his lip pierced, though the lip ring he takes out for stretches of time; the nose ring is always in, though.

absolutely covered in tattoos, in case that wasn’t already painfully obvious. he loves getting them and yes, still has room for more, will continue to get them probably forever.

prefers brown liquor over pretty much any other alcohol, though he’s not opposed to a good draft every once in a while

listens to more classical music than anyone would ever probably expect of him; that being said he also listens to a lot of classic rock and, naturally, a dose of pop punk, too, for fun.

he likes listening to true crime podcasts and watching various true crime / serial killer documentaries; criminal minds is also his favorite show. so like don’t piss him off, i guess ajdkfljasdklf

smokes cigarettes like he’s a motherfucking chimney; says he’s working on quitting, has yet to actually start that process.

generally just a supportive person; if Liam cares about you in any capacity - even if it’s just because you work together - you’ll know it. he likes to help the people around him, try to steer them in the right direction, offer them advice.

he’s not a shy person, in fact he’s rather social, and while there’s a dry humored joke or a sarcastic toy here and there, he’s a pretty genuinely nice dude. despite the things that he’s seen and been through in his life, he’s worked really hard to stay optimistic, and driven throughout and so far he’s been very successful at that.

dresses rather nice / got that business casual look down with the short-sleeved button ups or the long-sleeved ones with the sleeves rolled for work purposes. however, outside of work it's like a cat and his wardrobe were in a trash bag together. lots of black, and dark earthy colors, too. the duality of man.

background / life story;;

Liam Travis Sullivan was born and raised in Las Vegas, Nevada, where his mother, Stephanie Sullivan, was an escort / call girl on The Strip.

Stephanie getting pregnant was a tremendous ‘oops,’ but she kept the baby anyway. The baby’s father was a client who had a wife and kids already, so he paid Stephanie a whole lot of money to stay quiet and out of contact with him. This money allowed for her to take time off from working to be able to have Liam and take care of him for a bit.

Liam really was Stephanie’s whole world once he was born; the best thing that she ever did, as she so often told him through the years.

Liam never knew his father, but he put two and two together once he was old enough to understand what it was that his mom did.

Liam was three years old when Stephanie finally returned to working on The Strip. He was left in the care of some of Steph’s other ‘working girl’ friends on the nights she happened to be working.

He got very accustomed to spending his time around females, having a heavy female influence in his life as he grew up -whether that particular female influence was always the best or not. It led to his respect for women, though, and his ability to feel very comfortable around them, even from a young age.

When Liam was six years old, Stephanie ended up pregnant again. However, this time she ended up actually having an abortion. Liam only knew about it because his mother rambled about it to him in an overemotional drunken state. She told him that “he was her good boy and all that she needed.”

Working The Strip -as notorious a place as it was- and making the money that she did left Steph open to a lot of drinking and drug use.

At eight years old, Liam found a stash of his mother’s cocaine in their bathroom. This earned a distressed meltdown from Steph about him staying away from that sort of stuff because it was bad. Though, as a developing child gaining understanding of the world around him, that proved to confuse Liam because he didn’t understand why his mommy had it and was doing it if it were so bad.

Liam was ten years old the first time that his mom overdosed. This instance just involved going to the hospital to get her stomach pumped and spend the night on a fluid IV, but it was still terrifying for the boy at the time.

Stephanie struggled with drug abuse for most of Liam’s life. Living where they did facilitated it so easily and also made any getting caught up in the law with it rare -it was Vegas, after all, not to mention Stephanie was in sex work, so the law wasn't always looking out for her anyway.

Right before Liam was about to start high school, the young teenager -already having had to do so much growing up so early and so fast- took it upon himself to give his mother an intervention of sorts. He told her that if she was going to keep taking time with her away from him that he was going to run away, figure life, out himself, even if he did end up in the foster system or something. He pleaded with her that he didn’t want to lose her, that he wanted her there for all the things his life could still have in store for him. Ultimately, after many tears and a lot of convincing, Steph let her fourteen year old son flush her drug stash and they made a very rushed plan to finally get out of Vegas.

Moving to California was really good for the both of them for a while. Being in a new place meant starting fresh, moving forward. Stephanie didn’t know anyone she could get drugs from; between that, the support of her son, and finding help at local NA meetings, she managed through the withdrawal and the struggling. She got a stable, more normal job, working at a sports bar -bartending and waiting tables.

Liam easily adjusted to the change of environment. He practically thrived in Los Angeles. Before he knew it, he had friends, got into playing football at his high school, was losing his virginity. Fast-paced and unconventional were ways that Liam was used to living his life, so getting into things like physical relationships with girls, despite how young he was in reality, felt normal to him in all his adjusting.

Things stayed going really well for pretty much the whole first year they were in LA. Liam did well in school, got a part time job to help his mom out. Steph ended up picking up a second job to stay busy and keep money coming in. They were good, they were better than they had been, and they had each other.

The summer before Liam’s junior year of high school, he caught his mom using again. Evidently it had been going on for a few months already at that point, and because of how busy he was with school, friends, and work, he had caught on late. Stephanie argued with him on the matter, told him that it wasn’t his business to worry about, among other unexpectedly harsh things. It was the first real, legitimate fight he ever really had with his mom, at least the first one that really mattered.

With too much riding on his focus on school and football -given he had since come up with the goal to go to a good college, to make something of himself and do good things- Liam shut himself off from his mom for a little while. They lived together, came and went about their lives, but they spoke minimally, Liam didn’t fight more with her despite knowing that she was still using at the time. It was very odd for him, to have any sort of bad energy between him and his mom -it was so rare, it had always been just the two of them. He decided, though, that he had to focus on himself and his future.

Senior year came with the promise of scholarships, multiple college scouts having their eyes on him, more than one girl interested in dating him, a wide friend circle, a basic car he had been able to buy for himself, and a growing savings account. Liam was doing great, he was on the right track, focused. Stephanie, however, had downward spiraled. Her using had gotten out of hand to the point of losing both of her jobs, having to get a new one in a setting that was dangerously close to the things she had been doing in Vegas -a strip club.

It wasn’t until Liam’s Winter Formal that year -Stephanie deep into her continued cocaine addiction- that something changed. He was in his suit, getting ready to leave to go pick up his date when his path crossed with Stephanie’s. Upon finding out where her son was heading, who he was going with, the friends he was meeting -details she hadn’t been knowledgeable on for some time at this point- the woman burst into tears. She sobbed apologies to her son, begged him to forgive her for missing out on his life, made promises to him that she would get better for him -promises Liam tried not to take to heart; he had learned.

They did get Stephanie into a rehabilitation clinic shortly after the holidays. She had to sober up a little bit and once again Liam shouldered the responsibility of getting rid of the drugs that she had in their apartment. He spent two months alone in their apartment while his mom worked through her issues, sobered up fully, came back to him. It was an exhausting couple of months for him, trying to be a self sufficient adult in an apartment that had to have things paid for in it, while also juggling school and football, but he managed.

Stephanie came home a different woman than she left, and upon getting a more functional version of his mother back, Liam had the tiniest glint of hope that maybe things would be okay again. Graduation was looming, and he had a few different schools that were more than willing to offer him full ride football scholarships to their universities. Notre Dame, Duke, UCLA, among other state-based colleges all had eyes on him. It was something he could finally talk to his mom about.

While Stephanie encouraged him to follow his heart, follow wherever his dreams were gonna take him, Liam couldn’t shake the idea of being far from home -or, in particular, being far from where she was. Things were so fragile with her and her addiction, it was so much more possible for something bad to happen and him to have absolutely no idea about it if he went far away. So despite the incredible opportunities he could have had elsewhere, he chose to accept to scholarship from UCLA out of all the schools who chose him.

Going to college, let alone such a prestigious and well known state school like UCLA was like something out of a fairytale for Liam. Looking back on what his life had been up to the point of graduating high school and moving on to bigger things, he was amazed at what he had accomplished. Given the healthy and sober way that his mother still was at the time of his high school graduation, she, too, made it a point to make sure he knew how amazed and proud she was of him.

College wasn’t quite as easy for him as high school was, but that just drove Liam to work even harder. He wasn’t going to waste the opportunity he was given. He was double majoring in business and marketing; even though he had little idea what sort of business he wanted to be a part of, he knew that he wanted something for himself, something that could do good, give back in some way shape or form. Those subjects would do a lot to help him get there, he knew that much.

Stephanie stayed sober for most of Liam’s college experience, after the help of going to rehab, and the continued going to NA meetings. He popped back to the apartment every now and again -having moved into campus living during the semesters- and that helped her, too. Things seemed really good for quite some time, but having the other shoe drop once again unfortunately didn’t come as too terribly much of a shock to Liam. She had been getting involved with some guy she knew from work, they’d been sleeping together, and what Liam didn’t know is that they frequently went out for drinks. Drinking slowly but surely progressed into getting high together; something easy for Stephanie to fall into, particularly because of her habit, but also because of the familiarity of the circumstances -it was awfully similar to when she was working on The Strip and would get wasted with clients.

Liam was in his last semester of college, just about three months shy of graduating with his bachelor’s degree. It was a huge deal for him, it was something that he wasn’t going to give up for anything in the world. Still, he made it a point to help his mother after she called him absolutely high out of her mind and apologizing to him while he was pulling an all-nighter on an assignment one night. He didn’t ask many questions, just the basics, and he looked into a place himself -a rehab center that was further away, lengthier and more in depth with their programs. Before, they had gone with what was convenient, facility-wise, but he wasn’t going to make that mistake twice. If his mother needed more special attention, he was going to get her to that.

Getting his degree was a gift, a blessing he in reality never thought would be his. While his mom was still in rehab at the time of his graduation -Liam insisted that she not leave treatment just to come to the ceremony- she still wrote to him consistently, sent him a congratulations card right around the day of the ceremony. Liam was in a position in his life that awed him in a way, ready to take on the world.

Pursuing the concept of his own business sort of took a back seat; having just gotten his degree, it wasn't like Liam could immediately leap into much, not to mention he didn't have the funds. He had been working and saving all through college - served, cooked, and bartended at a grand total of six different restaurants in Los Angeles by the time he graduated - but on top of any business itself being expensive, school itself was expensive, too.

By the time Liam was twenty-four years old, he was managing two bars, and co-managing a restaurant out in Los Angeles. He was living on his own, keeping tabs on his mother sporadically, but mostly working toward a goal for a business of his own. He was teetering between a pub of sorts, or a burlesque club - two wildly different ideas, but both with the same idea in mind; somewhere entertaining but somewhere that also provided a sense of community, somewhere he could give jobs to people that needed them - perhaps that was inclined to women, from his subconscious protection of his mother, but that was beside the point.

A coworker of his at one of the bars he was the bar manager of ended up being who presented a move out of Los Angeles to him. There was potentially more business opportunity somewhere out of that location, out of the state of California, even. Chicago was brought to the table, this friend having heard of a program that offered employee housing at a luxury hotel. Liam was apprehensive about the Malnati at first, given he didn't want to have to start on a bottom rung in terms of his job once again. As it turned out, however, there was a management position that was generally up his alley. Seeking opportunity and further growth wherever he could find it, Liam made the move to Chicago.

Things between him and his mom had been more distant over the year since he graduated college, and in his move to Chicago, he couldn't say he was surprised to end up hearing about things getting bad again for his mom. It was a moment of true growing up for Liam, realizing that he had to be responsible for himself, he had to do what he needed to do, he couldn't carry his mom anymore. If she didn't want to get better and stay better, he couldn't be the one derailing his life to continue to try to make her do so.

That first year of him living in Chicago, working as the banquet manager at the Malnati, his mom overdosed for the last time. It was unexpected in the same way that it wasn't; Liam went through a brief period of a numb sort of grieving - he was of course sad to have lost his mom, to have to come to terms with the fact that he'd never get to see or speak to her again. He also, though, had to face the fact that as dark and upsetting as the circumstances were, they were out of his hand, they were not his responsibility. He mourned his mother as she deserved, and he went on with his life; because deep down he knew that she would want that for him, anyway.

Liam has been living in Chicago and working as the Malnati's banquet manager for the last nearly-three years now. He oversees more than just a restaurant and a bar now, and it's expanded his career experience in ways that he is very thankful for. It's a little bit on the backburner once again, but definitely not forgotten, that he intends to have his own business some day. Perhaps more than one, even. He loves the organization and the hard work and dedication that go into leading - whether that be a kitchen or a bar or an event. He likes to be supportive as much as a leader - Liam wants to see his team succeed; if there's slack that needs to be picked up and he can help, he will. He's not going to bark orders and call it a day, that's not what he's about, that's not what he considers his job. He's got a good head on his shoulders, and a good work ethic, and he likes doing what he does.

wanted connections;;

IT’S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR ME TO FAIL AT THESE LMFAO

Liam in his job oversees chefs, bartenders, servers, room service runners, and musicians, so like we got a whooooole lineup of connections to be had there; he’s their boss yeah, but as I’ve said like a million times now he’s really active in trying to help his team succeed. he’ll help out on the bar and running food and covering breaks or callouts or whatever, so like there’s a lot of good potential relationships to be had there.

other managers bc we love seniority adfjlkasdfjk no i’m just kidding, but still we love some manager pals why not

idk i think it’d be really funny to have someone who’s like intimidated by him simply because of the way that he looks and he’s like look i’m really not that bad i just like tattoos a lot okay lmAO

a casual hookup here or there is chill; he’s not super into the fwb thing? like he’ll stay friends after a hookup if the other person is cool with it, but as an ongoing thing it just gets too complicated for his liking.

pet parent friends; his girl Roxy is a friendly giant baby and he adores her, bring him some parent friends and her some dog friends

tattoo pals of some variety?? even if it’s just him constantly encouraging people to go get tattoos, or talking them through processes? going with them for moral support because he barely even feels it when he gets tattoos now?? who knows

honestly we been knew i’m up to just talking shit out and winging it a lot of the time too so just hit me up if you wanna figure some stuff out with this inked up beanpole okay? okay ily.

#liam. | about #liam. | headcanons #this is EXCEPTIONALLY LONG LMAO I'M SO SORRY #there's a lot to take in #if you made it through the whole thing you may be entitled to emotional compensation

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

Mateo's Eight, chapter eight (Branjie)--athena2

Previously: The Mateo’s Eight succeeded in their heist Now: the aftermath

A/N: Thank you all so much for your support and feedback on this fic, it really makes me happy and has been cheering me up during isolation right now. I’d really appreciate it if you could leave some feedback on this chapter. Thank you Writ for being the best beta!

Read on AO3

Everything is soft and warm as Brooke blinks awake, the woman in her arms easing her pounding head.

Vanessa’s sleep-tangled hair tickles Brooke’s nose, the faint scent of her coconut shampoo soothing Brooke’s stomach, churning on nothing but wine. Vanessa stirs, rolling over to face Brooke. Even rubbing sleep from her eyes with a lion’s yawn, Vanessa still makes Brooke’s heart leap.

“Mornin’,” Vanessa whispers.

Brooke tries not to overthink, tries not to consider what she and Vanessa are right now. Her head hurts too much for anything beside Vanessa’s sleepy smile.

“Morning,” Brooke says. She brushes hair off Vanessa’s face, fingers ghosting over her cheek, smiling when Vanessa leans into the touch

“I should’ve stopped with the champagne,” Vanessa groans. “It’s ruining my glory.”

“It’s worth it,” Brooke says. She turns onto her back and pulls Vanessa with her, Vanessa’s head nestling against her chest, a perfect fit against the curve of Brooke’s shoulder. “I still can’t believe it.”

Brooke hasn’t fully comprehended it yet, passing out seconds after Vanessa tucked her in last night. Tomorrow she’ll call Ms. Cain’s law office, do everything she can to get Zoey back and then…she can do anything. She hasn’t let herself plan much yet, tried not to let dreams take shape, in case the con failed. She didn’t want to start drawing the future only to have the pencils ripped out of her hands. But she has the money, she’ll have the lawyer, and she’s one step closer to shading in that new life.

“I know. It doesn’t seem real. I just…” Vanessa sighs against Brooke, the puff of air warming her chest. “I can tell my mom she doesn’t have to worry about bills anymore. I can buy her a house, and it’s nice, y’know? I can take care of her for once.”

“Yeah,” Brooke agrees.

“And not only that…like, I can pay for someone’s groceries if I want.”

“Or leave a big tip for a server.”

“Yeah!” Vanessa sighs again. “I should get up. Got some last things to do before we all meet next week.”

“You need help?”

“No, it’s nothing big. Thanks, though.”

Brooke rises reluctantly, stretching her limbs and wincing as a passing car roars directly into her ears.

She looks at Vanessa, Brooke’s sweatshirt hanging off her tiny frame, making her even more adorable. “I haven’t slept that well in–”

“Six months,” Vanessa answers for her.

“Yeah,” Brooke agrees, wondering how many sleepless nights Vanessa’s had, if neither of them could sleep without the other. “Could do without the headache though.”

“Tylenol and pancakes?” Vanessa offers.

Brooke nods.

—

Brooke sprints through the gallery, heart racing in time with her legs. She has to get out before they catch her, or she’ll lose her monthly visits and any hope of gaining custody. She can hardly breathe through the fear, lungs burning in her chest.

At least Vanessa got out, and she should be safe at A’keria’s. Still, Brooke’s worries only grow, threatening to consume her as she searches for the basement delivery entrance.

She should have never done this for so big a profit. They got lucky with the first four, but this was pushing it, and she can’t be surprised things got out of control. But they had been so careful, never choosing galleries in the same burroughs, even going upstate once. But it didn’t matter. Obviously there was a mistake somewhere, and Brooke can’t afford to pay for it.

She shoves open the door, bright summer sun blocking out the world for a second.

When she sees the two police officers waiting, she wishes the sun had swallowed her up.

—

It’s easy to sink back into their routine. Almost too easy.

After downing Tylenol, Brooke sets the table while Vanessa commands the stove, flipping pancakes and swatting Brooke away because she’s not dealing with the ER if Brooke injures herself (‘It was one time! I didn’t even need stitches!‘ Brooke protests, but relents).

March sun peeks through the window, a hope of spring, and it’s like any other morning for them, purposely bumping into each other and letting their touches linger, Brooke tossing chocolate chips in her mouth when Vanessa isn’t looking.

“Think I can flip this like on the Food Network?” Vanessa asks, lifting her frying pan temptingly, pancake sliding around inside.

“Doubt it,” Brooke says.

“Come on, I got skills!” Vanessa protests, grin wider than her face.

“I don’t know why you’re even asking. You know you’re gonna do it,” Brooke says, smiling fondly. Vanessa never needed anyone’s permission to be herself, and Brooke had–no, has–always loved her for it.

“You right.” Vanessa jerks her arm up. The golden pancake flies into the air, smacks against the ceiling, and plummets to the floor like a failed rocket launch. Riley scampers after it, tail wagging furiously as he munches.

“Oops,” Vanessa says, and then they’re roaring with laughter, Brooke laughing so hard tears stream out of her eyes, her stomach aching in a good way, a way it hasn’t for so long.

“Good thing Riley was on cleanup,” Brooke says once they sit down.

“Good thing I made the pancakes. Even Riley wouldn’t have eaten yours,” Vanessa says, but her eyes are kind.

“Hey!” Brooke pouts around a mouthful of pancake, but the truth is Vanessa’s pancakes are the best, perfectly golden and fluffy.

“It’s true.”

They eat in an easy silence, listing the dumbest things they can buy, things too excessive to actually waste money on, and Brooke knows she’ll do anything she can to keep this going. Even if their relationship isn’t exactly what it was–and it probably can’t ever be exactly what it was–Brooke wants to do this, wants to discover new parts of Vanessa.

She’s about to open her mouth when Vanessa beats her to it.

“Brooke?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I take you on a date this week? With dinner and no scams?” Vanessa’s smile is hopeful, and Brooke’s stomach leaps with the memory of her own date offer, all those months ago.

“I’d love that,” Brooke says.

—

The interrogation room is what she expected from TV: cold, puke-green walls, a metal table and two chairs, and a window Brooke can’t see through. A bare bulb burns her eyes with its brightness in the dim, gloomy room.

The first detective she was handed over to in the station–a smiling Good Cop–seats her in the chair, her back already aching, and attaches her handcuffs to the table.

“Let’s get to the point,” Good Cop says, sitting across from her. “You’re a scammer. You pretend to be an artist and take people’s money.”

Brooke doesn’t answer.

“The woman who escaped. Is she the ringleader? An associate?”

Brooke knows they can take anything she says and twist it around, and she has to protect Vanessa. Her heart is pounding so loud the detective can probably hear it. She has no idea what’s going to happen to her. Will she have a trial, or go straight to prison, or will they release her if she doesn’t confess? She knows she’s given a lawyer, but she doesn’t know when, and she knows the detective is withholding information to scare her into confessing.

She can’t let him know it’s working.

“You did this alone, then?”

Brooke stays silent, heart freezing in her chest as the questions continue. She fights to keep from shaking, keep herself from crying, because she can’t let them see how scared she is, paralyzed with fear over how she’ll get out of this and keep herself and Vanessa safe.

Bad Cop–the second detective–enters with a manila folder and the smug grin of a lion who knows his prey is cornered, nowhere for it to run. It’s the same face Frank had in court, and Brooke curls in on herself.

“I believe you have a daughter?”

He slaps the folder on the table. A picture of Zoey smiles up at Brooke, and her heart stops.

How was she stupid enough to think they wouldn’t know? Despair lurches at her, clouding her vision. She’ll lose her visits and she’ll never get a retrial. The handcuffs are tighter than ever, like they’re squeezing her chest as she gasps for breath. There’s not enough air. She can’t breathe, and she’ll never see Zoey again–

Vanessa comforted her when she got overwhelmed by bills, coaxing Brooke into deep breaths and distracting her with work stories. There’s no comfort now, Brooke drowning in fear so deep she doubts there will ever be comfort again.

“You receive one Saturday a month with her?” Bad Cop plows on, not even pretending to care as Brooke trembles and chokes on air her lungs won’t accept.

“W-why are you asking if you kn-know the answer?” Brooke snarls breathlessly, unable to keep quiet anymore.

“Hey,” Bad Cop warns. “It gets even colder in here at night. Behave, and maybe it’ll get warmer.”

Brooke understands his meaning at once, and she realizes just how much power they have, realizes she’s helpless in their hands. There’s no planning or conning her way out of this. She’s already lost.

“I-I want a lawyer.”

“You’re gonna be here a while. It’s almost midnight, and tomorrow’s Saturday. You’ll be in a cell until Monday at least. But you don’t have to go through all that. We can help you.” Good Cop is so genuine Brooke’s terrified mind almost believes him. “You’ll lose your visits with a criminal record. Any jail time, and you won’t see your daughter again. I know you don’t want that. I don’t want that either.”

He leans in closer, and even though he’s been Good Cop, his smile is anything but kind. “We’ll make you a deal. Give us the woman’s name, and you’ll be released with no record. You’ll see your daughter again.”

Her lungs beg for air, but she can’t give them any. Her stomach twists in horror. Give them Vanessa and keep her daughter, or go to prison and lose her daughter, her baby.

“We’ll let you think.”

They exit in triumphant silence. Brooke lowers her head into her cuffed hands and begins to cry.

—

Brooke nervously sits across from Vanessa. The Italian restaurant is cozy and warm, and Brooke is bursting with the same hopeful anticipation she had on their first date.

“So,” Vanessa says, crunching on garlic bread.

“So.”

They break off into nervous giggles, and Brooke grins back at Vanessa’s smile.

“Um, I think we should talk about stuff. About us,” Vanessa says.

“Okay.”

“I think if we’re gonna do this, we need to, like, be honest with each other,” Vanessa says. She sighs and shakes her head. “This was A’keria’s idea. She said we needed to talk it out, but…” she trails off with a light smile.

Brooke takes a breath. “Well, let’s start with the honesty thing. Everything I told you about Zoey is the truth. I promise there’s nothing else. No more secret kids.”

“Good, ‘cause I don’t know if I could take two of ‘em.” Vanessa grins.

“And um, I still love you,” Brooke blurts. “I mean, I want to have a relationship with you again. I know I hurt you, and I can’t take it back, but I really am sorry, Vanessa. And Zoey will come first for me, I have to be honest, but I would never love you any less. So if you’d want to do this again, maybe start fresh, I’d love to. I really would.”

A weight lifts from Brooke’s chest and she puffs out a breath. She said her piece, however jumbled, and all she can do is wait for Vanessa’s reply, like when she told her about Zoey. Brooke chews garlic bread to avoid biting her nails off.

“Brooke, I…it’s complicated, y’know? I mean, you had to do what you did. I don’t know what I would’ve done differently in your place. But I still went to prison, and that’s…something I gotta work on.” Vanessa takes another breath, reaching for Brooke’s hand, the squeeze so soft and loving it fights Brooke’s nerves away. “I get why you kept Zoey secret, but I won’t lie, it hurt that you didn’t tell me. You gotta promise not to keep stuff like that from me anymore. But I…I still love you too. Being with you again made me see how much I missed you. Missed us.”

“I missed us too.” Brooke holds Vanessa’s hand tighter, trying to put all the missed hugs and kisses, all the fears that she lost Vanessa forever into it. She doesn’t want to let Vanessa go ever again.

“We gonna go slow and work on things, maybe do couples counseling or somethin’, but you’re worth it, Brooke. We’re worth it.”

Brooke nods, seeing nothing but love in Vanessa’s eyes, a love that will do whatever it takes to mend their hearts, keep them together. She would lean over and kiss Vanessa, all the other couples be damned, but the waiter sets their plates down and the smell of lasagna breaks the moment.

“Hey, uh, you want to look at houses with me?” Brooke asks, still in disbelief that she has enough money for one. “No matter what happens with–with the trial, I want to buy one.” It’s part of her fresh start, her new life, one she’s thankful every day for.

“Of course. I gotta look at places for my mom too.” Vanessa bites her lip, eyes softening. “Did they set a trial date?”

Brooke shakes her head. “It might be a month or so. The lawyer’s still building the case.”

Vanessa reaches for her hand again, and Brooke takes it. Her meeting with Ms. Cain–who told Brooke to call her Shuga, an old nickname–went well, and Shuga thinks they have a great shot. But hope isn’t something Brooke knows, and she doesn’t want to latch onto it. To be this close and lose it all again–it’s easier to live how she always has, one day at a time.

“We need some kind of award after tonight.” Vanessa sighs.

Brooke laughs. “Wanna get cupcakes?”

“Is that even a question?”

—

The warehouse comes alive Sunday, everyone jittery as they wait for Vanessa to dole out the cuts.

“Okay, I have everyone’s cuts, and I want to review some things.” Vanessa is cool and business-like, and the group hangs on every word. Brooke doesn’t think anyone has taken a breath since Vanessa stood up.

The door opens, and gliding across the warehouse floor, in a tailored red coat and a large black scarf, is Plastique Tiara.

“Y’all are fucked,” Plastique announces, plopping on the couch like it’s a lazy Sunday afternoon, oblivious to the open-mouthed stares.

“What the hell is she doing here?” Silky demands.

“Is it normal to have the person you conned be in the group?” Nina asks seriously. “I don’t know, I’ve never done this before.”

Vanessa holds up her hand to quiet the murmuring. Brooke peeks over at her, and she nods, both of them stepping forward.

“We invited her,” Vanessa explains. “Brooke and I decided to let her in on it, since things were a little suspicious.”

“Hey, you finally got your Mateo’s Eight, Vanj,” Silky says.

“And eight shares of the necklace is better than seven shares of nothing, right?” Brooke asks.

Everyone nods, though they still look warily at Plastique, and Brooke can’t really blame them for being suspicious. She was skeptical of the plan too, afraid of anything that would jeopardize her money, her future, but Vanessa convinced her it was the safest option.

“What tipped you off?” A’keria asks Plastique.

“I’m not the total idiot the magazines say I am,” Plastique says. She points to Scarlet. “You took way too many pictures of that necklace, there’s no way I threw up without something causing it, and I recognized you”–a finger aimed at Vanessa– “when the cops showed me your picture.”

“The cops are looking for us?” Nina gasps.

“I can’t go to prison! Do you know how bad orange looks with my hair?” Scarlet moans.

“No one’s going to prison,” Vanessa says.

“‘Cause I saved your asses by saying I never saw Vanessa and she didn’t take the necklace,” Plastique cuts in.

“But they have you on camera,” A’keria says.

“Hey!” Vanessa barks, and everyone listens. “The company who owns the necklace knew it was a fake, obviously. They assigned an insurance investigator, and since I have a record, they checked my alibi. I’m on camera, but nowhere near the crime scene, thanks to Yvie’s blindspot. I’m even on the camera far away seconds after it took place. Perfect alibi. None of us are suspects.”

“So who is?” Silky asks.

Brooke cuts in. “Well, the bodyguard, the waiters–”

“I planted a piece on someone at the ball with his investment company. Left a tip with the investigator on where to find it. And this is where it gets good.” Vanessa rubs her hands together, and Brooke frowns in confusion. This isn’t the plan Vanessa told her, and maybe it’s part of the ‘last things’ she did the morning after the con.

“I hired four old ladies to sell off the necklace, piece by piece, and transfer some of the profits into his investment company. Just enough to be noticeable, to pin the crime on him.”

“Doesn’t that change our cuts?” Yvie asks.

Brooke grins smugly and winks at Vanessa, who motions for her to open the closet.

“See, we didn’t just take one necklace,” Brooke explains. The squeaky hinges open to reveal the collection of glittering jewels they stole from the historical exhibit, the bigger mark only she and Vanessa knew about. The ultimate distract-and-grab.

“Holy shit,” A’keria breathes.

“Is this why you wouldn’t answer me on the comms?” Nina asks. “I thought you were making out somewhere.”

“Wait, did you make out? ‘Cause then I owe A’keria five bucks,” Yvie says.

“We didn’t make out–” Brooke begins.

“–In the exhibit.” Vanessa finishes with a wink, everyone erupting into shouts and cackles.

Brooke waves her arm to restore order. “While everyone was looking for the necklace, Vanessa and I snuck inside the historical exhibit. We made more copies of the jewels with the 3D printer and replaced those too.”

“Which, by the way, raises the cuts to 38 million each,” Vanessa says.

“Holy shit!” Silky screams.

A delirious joy fills Brooke to bursting as the others thank her before tangling together in a many-armed hug.

Vanessa pulls Brooke aside amid the chaos of Nina forming a kick line and Silky parading through the warehouse with Plastique on her back.

“I know I didn’t tell you about planting the diamond,” Vanessa says quickly. “I wanted to keep you safe.”

Brooke pauses, her mouth hanging open. It’s been years since someone cared about her safety, and it makes her warm with Vanessa’s love.

“Frank was there with his investment company. I planted part of the necklace on him and put the money in his account.”

“Vanessa…” Brooke can’t speak. Her ex-husband will be the main suspect, and Brooke can’t pin down what she’s feeling. Glee that he’s getting what he deserves. Hope that his criminal activity will tip the court in favor of Brooke taking Zoey. Fear that it won’t work, that he’ll come after her or Vanessa—

“Hey,” Vanessa says softly. “I see you spiraling. Don’t worry. Your name wasn’t listed at the event and you’re not on camera, so they can’t link you to it. I have an alibi. We’re both safe. And listen. I didn’t tell the cops to search Frank yet. If you don’t want me to, I won’t tell them. We’re safe either way.”

Brooke thinks of the scamming Frank has done, money falling into his lap and the law bending to his will. She thinks of how he screamed at her until she cried, how he always insulted her to his friends, his insistence that she didn’t deserve to be a mom, didn’t deserve anything he gave her. It’s no guarantee of jail time, but he should get probation at least, and it’s what he deserves.

“Do it,” Brooke says firmly. “Let him pay for what he’s done.”

Vanessa nods, pulling Brooke down on the couch. Brooke doesn’t even know she’s crying until Vanessa gently wipes a tear from her cheek.

“It’s okay, baby,” Vanessa whispers. “You don’t have to worry anymore. It’s okay.” Despite the chaos around them, Brooke is completely at peace, Vanessa her calm refuge in a storm. She snuggles closer, wrapping an arm around Vanessa and resting her head on Vanessa’s shoulder, holding each other tight and dreaming of their future together.

—

“I think this is the one, Brooke,” Vanessa says.

“I think you’re right.” Brooke stands in the kitchen, imagining Zoey’s laughs as they have breakfast. The house is ‘move-in-ready’ according to the realtor, with space for Zoey to grow and a dining room large enough for the Mateo’s Eight (as Vanessa calls the group) to have dinner.

Looking at houses with Vanessa has somehow been one of the best months of Brooke’s life. Maybe because Vanessa pretends they’re an obnoxious HGTV couple who sell kites for a living (‘Have you seen House Hunters, Brooke? These are real jobs people have’), gasping with the realtor over high ceilings and open floor plans. She always asks about schools in the area and discusses paint color for Zoey’s room, and the fact that Vanessa’s still here, still supporting Brooke after everything, brings tears to Brooke’s eyes.

She looks into the dining room, ready for her friends to sprawl out laughing and talking. She imagines Vanessa meeting Zoey while they have dinner and curl up watching a movie together. She pictures a Christmas tree shining by a crackling fire, decorating with Zoey and watching her open presents, Brooke’s heart warmer than any blaze.

“I’ll take it,” Brooke says.

—

Zoey or Vanessa. Her daughter or her girlfriend.

Brooke can’t hold in the sobs now, trembling so much the whole table teeters with her.

She’s already missed so much of Zoey’s life. She wasn’t there to catch Zoey when she fell after her wobbling first steps. She wasn’t there when words tumbled from her lips the first time. She’s not there to soothe Zoey after a bad dream, to hum lullabies while rocking her back to sleep. And she’ll miss so much more if she goes to prison.

She won’t hold the back of a bike seat while Zoey pedals. She won’t lead Zoey into kindergarten and hang up her drawings on the refrigerator. She won’t light candles on birthday cakes or measure Zoey’s height or buy an outfit for an awkward middle school dance or decorate a graduation cap, won’t see who Zoey grows up to be.

But what is she condemning Vanessa to? She thinks of Vanessa locked behind bars that snuff out her spirit, being caged when Vanessa is so free. Vanessa will think Brooke gave her up on purpose, all because Brooke was too afraid to tell her the truth. Vanessa will suffer in ways Brooke can’t imagine if she gives her up.

But if she doesn’t, Zoey will grow up not knowing her mother, maybe even thinking she had abandoned her. No matter how much she regrets what will happen to Vanessa, Brooke can’t lose her daughter. Not again.

“You ready to talk?” The detective must’ve been watching her, but Brooke doesn’t even care.

Choking back one last sob, Brooke nods.

—

Brooke doesn’t think she’s ever been this nervous.

Not when she had principal roles in dance recitals, not when she met Vanessa, not even when she was in the interrogation room. Brooke sits quietly next to Shuga in the tiny, stuffy courtroom, staring straight ahead to avoid Frank. She shrinks into her chair, feeling like everyone is judging everything she’s ever done, that they can see inside her soul.

Shuga hits all her points for Brooke gaining custody. Brooke has never missed a visit. She has a clean record, a steady job, and a new house, while Frank’s lifestyle isn’t kid-friendly and he’s facing possible jail time. Her boss at the studio, Kameron, even serves as something Shuga calls a character witness, saying how dedicated Brooke is. The lawyers go back and forth like a tennis match, shooting out legal terms so long it’s a wonder they don’t choke.

She wishes Vanessa was here, if only to hold her hand and insult the judge’s perm, make things just a little less scary. Vanessa planned to strut into the courtroom flaunting head-to-toe pink like Elle Woods–even ready to smuggle Riley in her purse–but family court is private, and Brooke keeps her hands in her lap while Vanessa likely paces the waiting area outside.

When the judge prepares the verdict Brooke almost throws up. Her heart creeps into her throat, blazer collar suddenly choking her, and she needs Vanessa more than ever.

“Breathe,” Shuga whispers. For all her fierceness, Shuga has been almost motherly toward Brooke, a protective, caring warmth Brooke never got from her own mother.

Brooke stands with the others, gripping the table before her shaky knees give out. The judge smacks her gavel in dismissal, and Brooke is so stunned Shuga has to lead her out because her legs don’t quite work.

Vanessa wears a hole in the stone floor, hair in a long stress-braid down her back.

“Well?” Vanessa asks expectantly. She takes Brooke from Shuga, and squeezes her hands, eyes filled with hesitant hope.

“I won,” Brooke’s voice cracks, and she realizes she’s crying. “I got full custody.”

Vanessa wraps Brooke in her arms, her hug the only thing keeping Brooke upright. Vanessa rubs soothing circles on her back, whispering how proud and happy she is, and though Brooke can’t speak, her tears are enough of an answer as they soak into Vanessa’s shirt.

She’ll get Zoey, and they’ll be home. And though she and Vanessa still have work to do, and things may not be what they were, Brooke knows Vanessa is part of that home.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #nina west #silky nutmeg ganache #akeria davenport #scarlet envy #yvie oddly #plastique tiara #branjie #s11 #lesbian au #oceans 8 au #mateos 8 #athena2 #concrit welcome #submission

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