#reminder to make sure i take mt meds when i get home

[thanonymousotp]

you ever hate being neurodivergent so much u wish ur hyperfixation never existed because HOO boy dandy yeehaw yippee lamao

[actress4him]

Whumptober 2020 - Day 21

We get to bring in two new characters to the mix today! I won’t say who yet, you’ll just have to read to find out. :) 

Read on AO3

Read on FFN

Day 21 - Chronic Pain

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Warnings: nudity (non-sexual), foster home mention

It was a bad day. A really bad day.

He had plenty of bad days, those came nearly once a month. Those he could power through.

But this was one of those days that thankfully, didn’t show up too often. He hadn’t had one this bad in probably a year or more. Certainly not since coming to space, which he was more than grateful for. 

Curling in tighter on himself, Keith stifled a whimper with his pillow. He was pretty sure his roommates were already long gone, but he still didn’t want to risk anyone hearing him make pathetic noises. He needed to get up. It was getting late in the day, and he was still in the bed, and he was pretty sure he had a mission at some point to report for. If he didn’t get up soon, somebody was going to come looking for him, and then not only would he be in trouble, but he’d have to explain why he was curled up like a kitten with the covers pulled over his head and tear tracks staining his face. 

And he didn’t even know. All he knew was that it hurt, and it had been doing so for his entire life.

Okay. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna get up. 

Willing his right arm to move, he threw off the thin blanket. The air was cool, just like the other Blade members seemed to like it. Apparently Galra ran warmer than humans. He was generally cold at night, but didn’t want to be a bother by asking for another blanket.

Now he had to force himself out of the fetal position. He started with the left leg, stretching it out slowly, slowly. The ache grew the farther out it went, until he was turning his face over to keen into the pillow again. 

The second leg he decided to do fast, just to get it over with. Throwing it out straight, he gasped involuntarily as pain shot through it. For a moment he just lay there, letting the aches settle until they were at a semi-tolerable level, then began the equally painful process of levering himself up.

By the time he was sitting up, he was close to tears again. Breathe, he reminded himself. Keep breathing. 

All that was left was to stand up, walk to the shelf to get his suit, walk down the hall to the communal bathing room, get undressed, bathe, get dressed, walk back to his room to put his sleep clothes away, walk to the bridge, then go on a mission. 

Yeah. Sure.

Never mind that each of those individual tasks felt like the equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest. He had no choice. He was a Blade, and Blades didn’t just let a little thing like pain stop them from doing their jobs. If he couldn’t do this, if he tried to get out of going out today, then they might decide he wasn’t worthy of being one of them. They would kick him off the base, and then where would he go? 

Not back to the Castle. There was no more room for him there, not without kicking someone else more deserving out of their place. And even if he thought he could make it all the way back to Earth, there had never been anything for him there. Just an empty, lonely, rundown shack in the middle of the desert, and the only reason he had lasted so long out there the first time was the Blue Lion. She wasn’t there anymore.

Okay. Getting up. 

Standing took three times as long as it should have. Walking felt like the floor was covered in spikes, and like someone was following him around stabbing him with knives all over his legs. His back wouldn’t quite straighten all the way, at least not without adding a few more knives to the mix, so his posture resembled that of a wrinkled old man. He managed to make it all the way down the hall without running into anyone, thankfully, since he was hunched over and moving at a snail’s pace, and also thankfully was late enough that he was alone in the bathing room.

Galra didn’t do showers. He had learned that upon first arriving at the base. Instead, they used large, square tubs that could fill with either water, dust, or some kind of blue goo, depending on the needs of the individual’s skin, scales, or fur. It had taken him a while to figure out all the different settings, and he had accidentally set off the dust and goo a couple of times in the beginning. Right now, he was hoping that some nice, hot water would be what his body needed to cope with the day to come.

It did feel good to start with. Certainly nicer than he had felt the whole day so far. Keith was able to stretch out his legs, arms, and back fully for the first time without excruciating pain...for a few minutes.

Then the cramps started creeping back in, seizing up his muscles, making him whine. Tucking his knees up under his chin, he let the tears come again. He was tired. And so tired of hurting. A normal day, a day where his bones throbbed but he could use exercise or just pure willpower to get past it and ignore it...that he was used to. He should have been used to these days, too. But they never failed to catch him by surprise and completely knock him off his feet, sapping all his energy and will to do anything but stay in bed. These days turned him into a pathetic excuse for a person, and that was to say nothing about being a soldier. He hated feeling so weak and useless.

The timed bath ran out, and the water began draining. Keith was left curled up in yet another ball, shivering, unable to summon the strength to climb out. The cold doubled the intensity of the pain. His jaw was beginning to add itself to the list of aches from clenching it so hard to keep his teeth from chattering, but he couldn’t even make himself reach over for his towel.

You’ve got to get up. Do you really want someone to find you like this?

As if reading his mind, the door swished open. “Keith?” a familiar, accented voice called. “Are you in here?”

Regris. He lifted a trembling arm finally, swallowing a grunt, trying to get himself covered before he was spotted, but had only made it to the top of the tub when his partner rounded the corner. 

“There you are!” Regris stopped, taking in the empty tub, the shaking limbs, and the streaks of water down Keith’s cheeks that were probably very obviously not bath water, and frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Keith gritted out through his teeth. “‘m fine.” He continued trying to reach the towel, but his arm didn’t want to unfurl quite enough to nab it.

“Ya don’t look so fine, mate.” Crossing to the side of the tub, he snatched up the towel himself and threw it over Keith’s shoulders. “Are ya sick?”

“N-no.” Now he had to get up, whether he thought he was capable or not, so he gripped the sides of the tub with sore fingers and began to push, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to ignore the screaming in every inch of his body. “Told you. ‘m fine.”

Regris shook his head with a sigh. “Course you are. That’s why ya can’t even stand up proper.” Leaning down, he grasped Keith’s arm in his clawed hand and hoisted him up. While he did need the help, the sudden movement sent a wave of pain through him and he wasn’t able to hold in his cry.

The young Galra jumped back like he had been shocked, swearing. “What is it, mate? You’re injured, aren’t ya? Why didn’t you go to the med bay?”

“‘m not...injured.” Shakily, he adjusted the towel so it was wrapped around his waist, then gave in and grabbed onto Regris’ shoulder so that he could painstakingly step out onto the cold floor. “Don’t need th’...med bay. Doctor’s never did anything for me before. ‘cept tell me it was...just growing pains.”

Regris’ brow furrowed as he watched Keith slowly collect his clothing. “Well, what is it then, if you’re not injured? Ya look like somebody stabbed ya in the gut.”

“Your guess is as good as mine. Feels...kinda like somebody put concrete in all my bones.” He paused, thought about that comparison, then added, “But it’s expanding concrete.”

“I’ve no idea what ‘concrete’ is, but if ya feel that bad then maybe you should be restin’ in your room.”

Keith shook his head. “Got a mission soon. Need to get ready.”

Regris groaned. “Don’t be bone-headed Keith, ya can’t go on a mission like this.”

Turning his back, Keith started shuffling back toward the door. “Pretty sure the...Blade of Marmora doesn’t give...sick days.”

“Pretty sure the Blade of Marmora doesn’t want someone who can barely walk on a stealth mission!” Regris called to him just before the door slid shut.

He was right. He needed to get his act together. If Kolivan saw him like this, he’d kick him off the mission for sure, and then it wouldn’t be long before he was kicked out of the Blade altogether. Especially if he found out that this was a semi-regular occurrence. 

Making it back to his room, he sat down on his bed and attempted to put on his uniform. Ten dobashes later, he had managed to get it over his legs and up to his waist, and had then fallen over sideways on the bed to fold up and shake some more. That’s when a knock came on the door. He jolted, thinking to try to sit up, but the door opened before he could.

“Regris informed me that you were feeling ill. I believe that he may have understated the severity of your condition.”

Quiznak. Why did stupid Regris have to go and get Kolivan?

“N-no, no, ‘m fine, I told him I was fine.” He pushed himself up much faster than he thought would be possible, avoiding eye contact with the towering Galra while he tugged his uniform up further. “I’m not sick. Just...a little sore.”

“Keith.” The severity of the tone made him glance up for just a moment, but he couldn’t hold the steady yellow gaze. “We have worked together for quite some time now. I have seen you after the hardest of training sessions, when older, more experienced Blades have thrown you to the floor and against the walls repeatedly. I have seen you after missions when you were shot, cut with a sword, or caught in an explosion. These things would all cause you to be more than ‘a little sore’.” He paused as if for effect. “Yet I have never seen you like this, barely able to leave your own bed. Clearly you are suffering from more than simple sore muscles.”

Keith clenched his jaw again, his arms wrapped tightly around his bare stomach. He wasn’t going to get away with lying. Kolivan would see through any of it, and he couldn’t even think of a believable excuse to give him.

“It’s nothing,” he finally said quietly. “Just this...pain, that I get from time to time. It’s not usually this bad. I can usually work through it.” He lifted his head. “And I can today, too. I know this mission’s important. I’ll make it happen.”

“What kind of pain?” Kolivan asked, his voice almost as soft, uncharacteristically so.

Keith shrugged, though he immediately regretted it. “In my bones...my muscles...feels like...they’re being compressed. Like there’s not enough room in my skin for what’s inside of it.”

Kolivan nodded solemnly, not speaking for a moment. Inwardly, Keith was beating himself up for allowing his secret to be found out, waiting for his leader to break the news that he could no longer be a Blade.

Instead, he crossed the room and sank down gently onto the bed next to Keith. “This has been going on for a long time, has it not?”

Keith nodded slowly, still expecting the worst. “My whole life. Or at least, as long as I can remember.” Countless foster families, social workers, and doctors had dismissed his pain, telling him that he was being overdramatic and exaggerating the intensity. Eventually he had learned not to tell anyone.

Kolivan hummed in thought. “As a full-blood Galra, myself, I do not know much about this phenomenon. But I have heard that it is, indeed, very painful.”

It took a moment for the full meaning of his words to sink in, and then Keith was too surprised to do more than stutter, “W-wait, what?”

“Growing pains,” Kolivan stated matter-of-factly, and for a tick Keith thought he was being dismissed again and he wanted to melt. “Many half-blood Galra struggle with it. It is much like you described - likely your bones are more like that of a Galra than a human, and are attempting to grow at the rate that matches. However, the outside of your body is very much human, and is holding them back.”

Keith just stared at him as his brain processed this information. Finally, somebody believed him. That in and of itself was almost too good to be true. And not only did he believe him, but he had answers? He knew why Keith was hurting? He still had so many questions, though, and wasn’t sure whether he could believe this quite yet.

“If...if it’s a half-Galra thing, then why didn’t Regris know what it was?”

“It all depends on not only what the other species is, but also what traits from each species you acquire from your parents. Others may struggle with different types of mixed blood related problems, while some, like Regris, seem to have no conflicts between their two halves. What you are experiencing is quite rare, but not so rare that I have not encountered it before.”

Biting down on his lip, Keith considered this. “Okay, but...I’m eighteen years old. Shouldn’t I be done growing by now?”

He could have sworn that Kolivan almost smiled at that, and kind of almost looked like he wanted to reach out and ruffle Keith’s hair. “In human years, maybe. By Galran standards you are still quite young, and Galra also continue growing well into their young adult years.”

Keith sighed heavily, hunching over himself further. “So in other words, I’ve still got a long time left to deal with this.”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Kolivan stood. “But if you will accompany me to the med bay, I believe we will be able to find something to help you, at least on these especially hard days.”

Keith grimaced. “Thanks, but pain medication doesn’t work for me. At least not for this.”

Kolivan leveled a knowing stare at him. “Keith, when was the last time that you tried pain medication for this?”

“Um…” He bit his lip, realizing the answer. “Before I found out I was Galra…?”

“As I thought.” Kolivan held out his hand. “Come. I will assist you to the med bay, and once you have taken your medication I want you to come back here and rest.”

“But the mission -”

“Will be handled by others.”

“Kolivan, I -”

“You are ill. We cannot afford to have anyone on a mission who is at less than their best.”

Keith stared down at the floor. “I know,” he whispered.

“There is no shame in taking care of your health. Everyone must do so from time to time.”

A spark of hope replaced his disappointment, and he looked back up. “You’re gonna let me stay?”

Kolivan’s brow furrowed. “Of course. You have yet to give me a reason not to.”

Relief washed over him. Someone believed him, he was getting help, and he wasn’t being kicked out. Maybe today wasn’t such a bad day after all.

------------------------------

A/N: And Kolivan managed to make Keith tell him that being cold made it worse, so he gave him a ton of blankets for his bed. The End.

[blessed-catchild]

I was in the Bazaar of Dreams again. The usual giant ant waiters carrying food and drinks on their backs, each one wearing a stylish waistcoat or toga which was weird but no weirder than the rest of the place. Cassandra, a large fire ant carried a bowl of grapes over to the man sitting across from me.

"Thanks Cassandra." He said with a gracious smile.

You're welcome Lord Dionysus. Cassandra rasped, pleased she had made him smile.

As our waitress scuttled away to go supervise her kin, I swirled my mochiatto (or however the hell you spell it) with its little pink umbrella. I had absolutely no idea what was in it as Dionysus had ordered it for me.

"A gift for you to try." He had said. I didn't want to disappoint him by telling him I was too cowardly to try the drink. I could feel his violet colored eyes on me and I cringed. Not because he was looking at me but because "violet eyes" reminded me of somebody I'd rather forget.

"That's what I'd like to talk to you about, dearie." It was as if he read my mind but then again since it was happening in my mind (sort of) it made sense he could do that. I pretended I hadn't heard a word he had said, still swirling my drink. It kept changing color like some sort of weird drinkable kaleidoscope. I bent forward and sniffed it.

"Relax kid. It's liquid ambrosia. Made safe for mortals. It'll taste like any thing you want it to plus a little alcoholic flavor. It's safe to drink, I promise."

Not meeting his eyes, I nodded, taking the glass in my hand and sipping. It tasted like a weird mix of Pepsi and Blueberries with a tiny buzz of alcoholic tang.

"A Percy Jackson reference?" I asked, finally looking at him.

"If you say so." He grinned at me. "And stop avoiding my question."

"I don't believe you asked me one." I replied, taking another sip. This time it tasted like orange cream soda.

"Did I stutter?"

"No but you still didn't ask me a question."

"It was implied." He leaned back, munching on some ripe grapes. He offered me a few and I accepted. He sighed. "Alright, you win. Do you want to work with me about your trauma?"

A sudden wave of fear cascaded down my whole body. Memories I didn't want to remember flooded the surface of my brain. Of course he would want to help with that and he could definitely help. God of Madness and all that.

"I prefer the term 'mental illness'".

I looked wildly around for another topic, anything to stop the cascade of emotion and sheer terror flooding me. I hadn't realized I had huge tears lingering on the corners of my eyes. Sure he was great with mental health but I'd just been through a lot and I didn't want to get so messed up with all these memories.

"Denying it happened won't help you." He reached out and put his hand on mine in a gesture of friendship and comfort.

"Then what fucking will." I couldn't look at him it hurt too much to make eye contact in that moment.

"You don't have to look at me-" and then he called me by a nickname my dad gave me as a kid. A memory from a much happier time before all the bullshit. I froze. "I know how hard it is to make eye contact when you're scared or feeling helpless. But you're not. Helpless I mean. I know you're scared."

Suddenly I bolted up from my chair and ran around the table to hug him, fighting back emotions.

"You're wanting to work with me, because you're the antithesis of what I had as a kid. I couldn't learn about you and your kin because she wouldn't let me. You embrace sanity issues and they didn't. They just wanted to push them out and never think about them again." Dionysus hugged me back and patted my hair in a brotherly and mentorly sort of gesture.

"There, there. You need to let you of your fear of emotion. That's the cult programming. What's at stake is your relationships and sanity. I'm worried about you." He realized what he'd said and that he was talking to someone with bad ROCD. "They won't leave you but you cant progress without addressing this."

"I don't like what she did to me or may have done to-"

"What she did to you." Dionysus corrected me. "You're not that little girl in her basement anymore." I forgot how to breathe when he mentioned that awful place. I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was a warm and battle worn hand.

"You don't have to fight this alone, kid." It was Ares. I knew before I even turned around. I remembered that weathered voice. I could feel Anubis and Wepwawet suddenly beside me.

"Work with good ol' Mr D." Ares joked, a twinkle in his red eyes. "He can help you. We're all rooting for you. Learn to let go of that very justifiable anger."

I looked up at Anubis who smiled. "You can do this. I can't help you in this field. And I know how much you trust Dionysus. Let him help. Work on your therapy and take your meds too. But let us help you."

In spite of myself I nodded. And then I was back home in my bed, Dionysus sitting beside me. He gave me a hug and then vanished, back to Mt Olypmus.

"Can we still party and be wierdos and shit?"

"Yes." Dionysus said.

[my-one-love-is-music]

Sing, Little Bird Ch. 9

Also on AO3!

Getting the clearance to pack up and go home was a little bittersweet for Dick. He didn’t have anything to pack since he hadn’t had enough time to move into the hospital room and Bruce had already taken care of his uniform that was cut away when he was brought in.

“You going to be okay?” Wally asked, stepping up next to him where he was looking out the window at Earth below them.

Dick nodded, reaching for his hand to link their fingers together. “It’s just weird, I guess. I’ve never had to stay in the Watchtower med bay so being discharged is…”

“Yeah,” Wally said softly.

“Are you ready to go?”

Wally jumped next to him, whirling around to face Bruce who’d come into the hospital room. He placed a hand over his heart, trying to calm down as Dick chuckled next to him, not getting as much amusement out of Wally’s scare as he normally would.

“Yeah,” Dick said. “And we’re still doing what we talked about right?”

Bruce nodded. “Black Canary has already headed back and is collecting everyone as we speak.”

Dick took a shaky breath. “Okay. I guess it’s time to go then.”

Bruce strode over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze. “They’ll be happy to see you and I’m sure will look forward to your return once you’re healed.”

Dick nodded, and Bruce directed him towards the door. His legs felt heavy as he walked across the floor. Wally stuck close to his side, holding tightly to his hand and Dick was grateful for it. He couldn’t imagine having anyone else there to support him.

The hallways were mostly empty as they moved towards the exit to the medical bay. The only people they passed were nurses and other medical personnel. The lower levels were busier as heroes changed shifts or went for training. Some of the lesser known heroes gave them a wide berth because of Batman but others gave him polite nods as they passed.

They turned the corner to the zeta tubes and found Barry standing next to the tubes with his arms crossed and a grin pulling at his lips.

“Ready to finally head out?” he asked as they approached.

“I’m always ready to get out of the hospital,” Dick said casually.

“We’re headed back to the Cave to see the team,” Wally added.

Barry grinned. “Don’t let them rope you into any missions,” he said with a chuckle.

Dick grinned back. “I don’t think these two would let that happen if they tried.”

Bruce hummed behind him and tightened his grip on his shoulder. “And you would be correct.”

Barry chuckled. “Well, have a good trip back and make sure to keep in touch. I want updates on how my favorite little bird is doing. Although knowing KF here, those updates are going to come freely and often.”

“Hey!” Wally whined.

Dick smirked and looked over at him, watching the pink flood his cheeks.

“I think we’re all glad that you’re well enough to be going home, though,” Barry added with a small smile. “Take care, Robin,”

“Thanks, Flash,” Dick said with a grin.

He patted Dick on the shoulder as he walked past. Bruce stepped over to the control panel and punched in the Cave as their destination. He waved Dick and Wally through first and they stepped in together.

Recognize: Robin – B01, Kid Flash – B03, Batman – 02.

Dick blinked when he came face-to-face with the smiling faces of the rest of his team.

“Robin!” M’gann cried, rushing over to him. Wally stepped to the side and Dick welcomed the hug even as it pressed against his stitches. He fought to suppress his wince and when M’gann stepped back, he saw Wally assessing him with a frown out of the corner of his eye.

“We are pleased to have you back in the Cave,” Kaldur said, placing a hand on Dick’s shoulder.

Dick grinned. “Can’t stay long though,” he said. “I have to make my way back to Gotham. Batman needs his partner back for a few days.”

“Uh huh,” Artemis said, crossing her arms. “Because you’re really in the kind of condition to be fighting crime.”

Dick smirked. “Never underestimate the power of Robin.”

The mood turned south for a moment, the unspoken memory of the warehouse hanging between them.

“Yeah,” Dick continued. “Sooooo you better be saving me a kickass mission for when I get back. I’ll be raring for action.”

“And we’re looking forward to having you back in the field with us,” Kaldur said.

“Yeah, we’re looking forward to him stealing the show when he drops out of nowhere and cripples their technological defenses,” Wally grumbled, crossing his arms.

Dick rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out of him, but Wally’s gaze turned soft as he looked over him.

The alarm blared over their head, red lights flashing around them.

“Not to cut this reunion short,” Black Canary said, voice coming through over the intercom. “But the team is needed for a mission. Everyone go get changed and report to the briefing room.”

The team gave Dick sheepish and guilty looks, but he grinned and waved them of.

“Go on,” he said. “Kick some butt for me.”

“Gladly,” Artemis said before they sprinted off.

Wally took a hesitant step to follow them, but he stopped and looked over Dick, worry clear in his graze.

“Go,” Dick said, nodding towards the hall.

“But…” he started.

Dick shook his head and smiled. “Go. They need you. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re sure?” Wally asked.

“Yes. You can visit me when you get done with your mission. I’ll see you soon, okay?” he asked.

Wally sighed. “Okay.” He stepped over to Dick and pressed a kiss to his cheek before he grinned and sped off, disappearing down the hall to meet up with the rest of the team.

Dick ducked his head, trying to suppress the smile that pulled at his lips as happiness bubbled in his chest.

Bruce hummed behind him making Dick bite his lip.

“Okay, let’s go,” he said, turning to face Bruce and the zeta tube behind him, placing his hands on his hips like he normally would out in the field.

Bruce punched in the coordinates for the BatCave and gave the password that gave them access from Mt. Justice.

In a flash of blue light, Dick stepped through and shivered in the cold of the Cave, the hospital garments not offering much warmth or insulation against the damp air below the Manor.

Bruce stepped out behind him and sighed, obviously relieved to be home once again.

“Master Richard.”

Dick grinned and looked up to find Alfred standing further away, hands clasped behind his back in his usual professional manner.

“Alfred,” he sighed and rushed over to him.

Alfred opened his arms and welcomed Dick’s hug. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed him when he was laid up in the hospital.

“I’m glad that you’re doing alright, and you’ve returned to the Manor so soon,” he murmured into Dick’s hair.

“Me too, Alfred,” Dick agreed.

“Would you like anything to eat?”

Dick shook his head. “Not right now. I might have something later. And Wally is probably going to come over once he gets done with the team’s mission.”

“I’ll prepare some cookies for his arrival,” Alfred said. “Is there anything else you might need? Some tea perhaps?”

“Tea would be great. Thanks, Alfred,” Dick said.

“I’ll prepare it right away. Where would you like to take it?”

“Take it up to his bedroom,” Bruce said, breaking into the conversation. “He should get in bed and rest,” he said pointedly.

Dick sighed and slumped. “Yeah, yeah. I know I’m not fit to train,” he muttered.

Bruce chuckled and gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Get going. I’m going to finish up some work down here.”

Dick nodded and let Alfred pull him away. The climb up the stairs from the Cave was more draining than he remembered.

“Are you alright, Master Richard?” Alfred said when they reached the top of the stairs.

Dick offered him a tight smile. “Yeah. I’m just gonna head on up to my room and get in bed.”

“Of course. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me and will have your tea up to you in a moment.”

Dick nodded and stepped around the corner to the stairwell leading to the second floor. He took a shaky breath, already dreading the climb. He gripped the railing tightly in his hand and took the first step, the climb slow for his weary and still healing body.

He stopped halfway up the stairs, fighting to get his breathing under control before he continued.

He leaned against the wall when he reached the landing and shuffled forward, fumbling with the knob to his bedroom before he got a tight enough grip on the metal to turn it and push inside.

Dick almost wanted to fall onto his bed and sleep, but he was tired of the clothes the hospital had given him and wanted to be in his own pajamas again. He changed quickly, leaving his hospital clothes in a pile in the corner of the room. He wanted to shove them in the trash, but he wasn’t sure how much Alfred or Bruce would appreciate that.

He climbed into bed, rearranging the pillows against the headboard. A soft knock sounded on the door.

“May I come in?” Alfred asked, voice clear through the wood.

“Yes, Alfred,” Dick called.

The door pushed open and Alfred walked over to him, carrying a small tray with a teapot and a cup.

“I’ll leave this here for you,” he said. “If you need anything else or find you would like something to eat, I will be more than happy to bring you something.”

“Thanks Alfred,” Dick said. “I’m fine with the tea for right now.”

He nodded. “Are you feeling alright?”

Dick smiled. “I’m doing fine now, Alfred,” he said.

“I will leave you to rest then.”

“Thanks.”

He glided from the room, pulling the door shut behind him and leaving Dick alone in silence. He sighed and sat up, leaning against the headboard as he carefully picked up the mug from the tray and cradled it between his fingers, the warmth seeping into his skin.

He rubbed his thumb against the rim and took a tentative sip, smiling as the warm and fragrant green tea slid down his throat. There was a hint of sweetness from the sugar cube that Alfred had remembered to mix in.

The warmth reminded him of Wally. It was soft and comforting and seeped into his very core, pushing back the cold and dark that might want to consume him.

Dick finished the rest of the tea in his cup and managed to drink a second before his eyelids started to drop closed. He left the cup on the tray, mourning that he wouldn’t be able to finish the rest of the pot and it would only serve to be dumped down the drain once it was cold.

He turned off the bedside lamp and pulled his comforter up around his shoulders, burrowing into his mattress. Dick smiled, letting his eyes fall shut as exhaustion pulled at him, for once not afraid that sleep would be the thing to pull him from safety.

The last moments before sleep pulled him under, something sour turned in his gut at the idea of Wally being on a mission. He was out there with the rest of the team. Anything could serve to go wrong. Anything bad could crash down on them and upend their world like it had on the last mission when Dick was taken, and he wouldn’t know about. He wouldn’t be able to do anything to help.

~~

Dick bit back a groan, the coppery taste of blood flooding his mouth. He blinked, struggling to see through the darkness that pressed in around him. He ached. Everything hurt and cruel laughter echoed in the space around him.

“Robin!”

Dick jerked, looking up as Wally ran towards him. He blinked, wondering why he was moving so slowly. He wasn’t supposed to be able to see Wally. Not when he was running. Not during training and definitely not during a mission.

“KF!” he cried. “Go! Get out of here!”

Something was wrong. He could feel it in his bones. Wally was in danger. He needed to save himself. His own life didn’t matter. Not when Wally could be put in danger like Dick was.

“I’m not leaving you!”

Something flashed in the corner of Dick’s vision and Wally stumbled, the handle of a knife sticking out of his chest.

“No!” Dick cried. He jerked, wanting to fling himself forward but something held him back.

Laughter echoed around him.

“I told you, you could never get rid of me. I’m going to be with you for the rest of your life. I’m going to take everything you want in life. It’s going to be tainted. Just. Like. You.”

“No! KF! Stop, please,” he cried, voice losing some of its volume. He felt empty. His chest was hollow and breaking. His happiness that he’d been granted was starting to dry up. It would be taken from him again. “I just want to be happy.”

“Happy?” the voice scoffed. “What makes you think you have any right to be happy? What makes you think you have any right to be with this little speedster?”

“We’re allowed to be together!” Dick said, fighting against whatever was holding him. “You can’t keep us apart! I won’t let you!”

“Won’t let me?” he asked, laughing. “What makes you think you can stop me from doing anything?”

“Master Richard.”

“I’ll stop you! I have to stop you!” Dick cried.

“Master Richard!”

Dick jolted up in bed, chest heaving.

“Are you alright, Master Richard?”

He looked up into Alfred’s kind eyes filled with concern and worry for him.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I believe you were having a nightmare. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Alfred asked.

Dick swallowed, running a hand through his damp hair. He winced, pulling his shirt away from his chest.

“I think I just need some time to think. And maybe a shower,” he said softly.

Alfred nodded. “I’ll be downstairs if you need anything and I can bring you more tea if that’s what you’d prefer.”

Dick shook his head. “I don’t want anymore tea right now.”

“Okay,” Alfred said, running his fingers through Dick’s hair. “Feel better.”

Dick nodded.

Alfred hesitated before he stood from the bed. He picked up the tray and left Dick’s room behind, pulling the door shut behind him.

Dick shoved the blankets off him and climbed out of bed, shivering as cool air washed across his overheated skin. He hurried into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, turning the shower on as warm as he could stand it.

As it warmed, he shoved his clothes off and left them in a pile. He stepped into the shower, sighing as warm water cascaded down his back and steam enveloped him. He pressed his forehead to the wall of the shower.

The anxiety from the nightmare was starting to dissipate, but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to calm down until the team’s mission was over and they were all safely back in the Cave. Not that he would know when they got back to the Cave… And that thought almost made the anxiety haunting him worse.

Dick straightened and reluctantly reached for the bottle of shampoo. He could at least clean off the sweat from his nightmare and hopefully relax now that he was awake even if it meant he wouldn’t get back to sleep.

Once he’d cleaned himself, Dick hesitated to shut off the water and get dressed. He almost didn’t want to leave the safe illusion of the bathroom and be forced back into the reality of his situation. He didn’t want to know that he’d be alone without Wally and left to the nightmares his brain decided to torment him with until he was back.

After several more minutes of silent contemplation under the water, Dick managed to flip off the switch and climb out of the stall. He shivered at the cooler air that was waiting for him despite the steam that fogged the mirror and swirled in the air around him even as it slowly began to dissipate.

He wrapped a fluffy towel around himself, fighting to wipe off the lasting droplets of water as shivers moved through him. He left his sweaty pajamas on the floor and wrapped the towel around his waist to get some clean clothes from his bedroom.

He pushed open the door and froze, wondering if he was daydreaming or if he had never really woken up at all.

Wally was splayed out on his bed, arms behind his head and grinning at Dick like he was the happiest guy in the world.

“Wally? Don’t you have a mission?”

Wally sat up and crossed his legs. “We just got it finished up. It’s been a few hours and thankfully wasn’t part of some larger plot to destroy the world…so we’re done,” he said happily.

“But…what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the Cave for the debrief or, I don’t know, training?”

Wally’s grin turned soft. “I wanted to see you. Wanted to make sure you were okay and weren’t having trouble being back at the Manor. Alfred said you could use some company when I came through the Cave.”

Dick blinked and smiled. “Let me get into something more comfortable and we can talk.” He rummaged around in his dresser and pulled out a pair of fleece sleep pants and a loose shirt. He pulled out a pair of boxers before he could forget and hurried back into the bathroom.

He changed in a rush and left his towel on the hook on the back of the bathroom door to dry.

Wally had laid back down on the bed by the time he was done and was pressed against the wall to make room for Dick who climbed on the bed eagerly. Wally pulled him against his side and Dick shivered at the warmth coming off him. He pulled the blanket over them and settled into Wally’s warmth, finally feeling content again.

“So, what happened?” Wally murmured, tightening his grip on him.

“I had a nightmare,” Dick said softly. “You being gone on the mission and me having no idea what was going on gave me some anxiety.”

Wally pressed a kiss to his head. “Are you doing better now?”

Dick smiled and snuggled into his hold. “Oh yeah,” he whispered, voice soft as his anxiety finally settled and he felt at peace again. “I’m doing much better.”

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