#retail therapy @ a retail store I do not personally work at

[polyamorouspunk]

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[thebibliosphere]

I love how transparent you are about what its like to be a self published author in this day and age, and i was just wondering if there was a difference on your side between amazon ebook/paperback and audible - and also if Scribd is any better, because i use it as an alternative to amazon whenever possible (and whenever the library doesnt own a copy of whatever im looking for) is it functionally all the same? What is best for you?

Thank you!

I actually did a huge long post a while back when I got the audiobooks produced and uploaded to various platforms. I included Scribd in the breakdown after people falsely claim that Scrib is better for authors than Amazon/Libraries.

A lot of people were not happy when I burst that particular bubble by showing that Scribd paid me 97 cents out of the 19.99 price tag. Which is less than what Audible paid me.

Now, obviously, Scribd is different because it's a subscription service, and you’re paying for access to multiple things with that subscription. But saying it is better than libraries is just false because I also showed the numbers for that, and my income from libraries was several times higher than both Scribd and Amazon combined (for audio), which is why authors are always begging people to request their work in libraries.

Libraries pay us better and are usually free. Not always. I know it depends heavily on the country, but for most of my English-speaking audience, that is the case.

Now, this is not to say people shouldn’t use services like Scribd. If Scribd is what you can afford and it gives you access to things your library can’t fantastic. Please continue to access our work through that legal option. I would much rather earn 97 cents than zero.

But uh, yeah, Amazon pays me more than Scrib for digital stuff and I really don’t like when people who aren’t on the author side spread misinformation and frame it as some more “gotcha.”

The sad truth is Most retailers pay us the same or within the same royalty range. The difference I earn between Kobo vs Kindle is literal pennies with Amazon coming out on top. I make my work available on multiple platforms to give people options, but unless you’re buying directly from my personal storefront, it's all roughly the same.

I do actually earn more from Amazon paperbacks than I do any other retailers (for self-pub, paperbacks are a flat rate regardless of how much a retailer is charging), but the difference is about ten cents, so I always tell people to buy from wherever is best for them.

I like bookshop.org because they give some of the profit on their end to indie bookstores. Same with libro.fm for audio.

Audiobooks are just a whole fucking nightmare. Audible sets your price point for you and takes 80% of your royalties. And because Audible does that, I have to then use that price tag on all other platforms or risk being fucked by the algorithm gods. Other audio retailers take about 60-70% in royalties, most of them veering toward 70%.

As we say in radical acceptance therapy, it is what it is—fucking end-stage monopoly driven capitalism.

Now, speaking personally, when it comes to digital media, I earn the most royalties from my Payhip store where I keep 90% of my income.

That's the best place for me.

It's also why it's worth looking up an author you like to see if they have their own storefront. It doesn't help our sales rankings or put us on any bestseller lists, but frankly after launch week, who cares. I’ll take being able to feed me and my dog.

I hope that helps!

[ladyyatexel]

So, inspired by being treated like dipshit garbage at my job, I would like to make a recommendation:

When you are having a bad time, especially when you are having that bad time because someone was a real fucking shit head at you, go to a store. You can retail therapy if that is useful and not like a slippery slope or something for you, whatever, I'm not your mom, but the critical thing I want to suggest in these situations is to just be very kind to a few people.

Of course you should always be nice to people working in retail environments, because they are frequently being absolutely worked within an inch of their life for not enough money, but here I mean things like:

Tell the folks in the small store at the mall that their store looks really nice and you can tell they work hard to maintain it.

Fill out the little surveys you get on receipts or whatever and be sure to mention especially how good the staff of the store you were in were. People who are mentioned specifically in feedback like this often get at least praise and like a $5 gift card from upper management. It is not a lot, but it can feel nice!

Tell the barista stuck at the coffee shop that their hair looks awesome.

Say the same thing to your fellow lost souls of humanity in Walmart. No one is in Walmart because they are having the best time.

Tell someone her leggings are really cute.

Tell your cashier that you hope that the rest of his shift goes quickly and painlessly!

Thank people, but do it specifically and sincerely. Tell them not just thank you but, "Thanks for your help, I really appreciate your time." "Thanks for the work you put into this." "Thank you for getting that for me, that was really nice of you." That sort of thing. People are used to 'thank you" as a ritual phrase that is just kind of a default. It can stop sounding sincere or like anything except the sounds you expect to hear after you do a task. But if you recognize what somebody did, even if it is a small thing, and personalize it, they will actually hear the thanks, they will remember it.

I often do this on my instacart feedback. I say "Thank you for your hard work/effort/service today, you really helped me out," in all my little comment boxes. Because they really do help me out. I can't carry all my groceries up the stairs, so they do a lot for me.

Don't lie or be insincere, just think a little bit about all the people who could just use a little extra positive feelings from other folks to get through the day, just like you. People like knowing that the work they're doing is not mindless bullshit.

All of these interactions make people feel nice about themselves and then they feel nice about you and then you feel nice about yourself and then your manager who is a dick can fuck off because not only did you get over their poisonous bullshit but you help some other people out of theirs too.

It will help you toward feeling better after people being nasty to you when you see surprised and delighted reactions from other people who didn't expect to be told that they were doing a good job or that their hair looks nice.

It's like a ranged attack of serotonin and dopamine and you can hit just like everybody within range of the checkout line, yourself included.

[vorenado-m]

happy disability pride month! please consider helping me take back my life as a disabled person!

the TL;DR is that for the last 3 months i have had an absolutely soul-sucking miserable minimum wage retail job that, due to the way scheduling works (and the app being broken as fuck) has prevented me from having access to literally any of the life-saving mental health/medical care i need as a disabled person.

my disability is best managed through a combination of medication, therapy, and casework-- not a single one of which i have had since march! :) contextually, up until i got this job, i took three daily medications and had casework once a week and therapy once or sometimes twice a week. these services are offered at an affordable cost to me through a local organization that is threatening to close my case due to lack of participation.

ill make another, more detailed post later with some of the services i can offer for money (i draw! i code! i write!) but until then here is a code you can scan if you have a few dollars to spare:

there are more details beneath the cut (idk about you guys but im kinda nosy so i wrote some more stuff in case anyone else is also nosy) but thats the gist of it. you can also always ask for details. i dont have a therapist right now so it might feel good to say things.

my plan is as follows: i would like to take the month of july more or less "off" from work to get my affairs in order, starting with scheduling appointments for therapy and casework and getting back on my meds. i am actively looking for a job, but i would like the ability to be somewhat picky instead of applying everywhere i think might have me for the sake of having money coming in to pay rent.

for the last two years i have made less than $800/mo and i can survive on roughly $600-$650 a month. my july rent ($550) is paid and my august rent (at least $500) is most likely also squared away, through a combination of some cash i was hoarding, a previous donation, my last expected paychecks from my current job, and my brother generously offering to cover whatever is left over. the extra $100ish is for roughly a months supply of the food that is part of my daily routine that i get cranky without (i have tea every morning, for instance.)

i have a fantastic roommate who is not struggling as much financially who will do everything in her power to make sure i have access to staple foods (rice, eggs, etc) so i really just need to buy the things only i consume (kimchi, milk, etc.) there is a food bank i go to, so i am not worried about food, but i can only go to it once per month. we have a barter system where i trade her the things i dont want from the food bank and she buys me things i will eat; alternatively, i sometimes give her things i get from the food bank (eg meat) that she turns into meals for both of us.

i live independently/"alone" with roommates and do not have support from my family pretty much at all. they have never been particularly useful for emotional support and have openly denied me financial support since i was a teenager. moving in with them/getting help from them/talking to them is not an option.

i have emailed my caseworker at the mental health organization i work with as well as my caseworker with the disability vocational program i work with to help me find a new job that is "back of house" and requires less customer interaction. i did this over the weekend, so i expect to hear back from them sometime this week. in the meantime, i am searching for jobs on my own in places like indeed, jobhat, careerbuilder, etc. as well as checking company websites of places like chain grocery stores to see what is available in my area.

my job pool is a bit limited due to the fact that i cannot drive (due to both my disability and the medication im supposed to be taking for it) but i am very well-versed at taking the bus, which is free. getting to and from work is not a concern for me; it is being able to do the job without being driven to the edge of a mental breakdown that is the problem.

the disability vocational program is my ticket out of poverty! last month i had a follow-up evaluation (i had to call out of work for it, but frankly i was at the end of my rope then too) where they approved my career goals as a web developer and we are in the process of deciding what my next steps are! the program will likely (depending on what route i take) help pay for vocational training, too, but i obviously have to pay rent while in training. which i think i can do if i have a job that doesnt make me want to die.

i have some other things that make my life a bit harder (im mixed race, i am nonbinary + gay, etc) but i would say those things dont really impact my ability to get a job as much as the disability does LOL which is why i did not feature them prominently in this post. like, the reason i cant get a job isnt because people dont want to hire me because i have blue hair and pronouns, its because im obviously disabled.

if you have any other questions, no matter how intrusive you think they might be, feel free to send a DM or an ask, and i will try to answer.

[mordcore]

for those of you like me, who are poor and can't afford to buy things just because they are pretty, and who struggle with spending or impulse control, some advice on how i learnt to stop buying the pretty things anyway:

notice which websites and stores make you buy things and spend too much money. and stop going there. don't open that online store. just do not. block it from your browser if necessary, there's probably plugins for that.

don't go into the irl store, or limit visits to a few times a year, and make a budget. eg. "i can spend €50 in darkstore today" because i actually have the €50, and if i don't, i better don't go at all. yes your friends who want to go with you might be annoyed or disappointed, but if they really are your friends, they'll understand that poverty is no joke and neither is impulsive spending. you can hang out in the park or at your home instead it's gonna be okay.

notice things that make you want to seek out those stores. for me it was the rush of buying new things to cope with feelings of loss of control over my life ("retail therapy"). find better coping methods. i find that badly playing a song i like on the guitar and singing along, or making a drawing or collage about my feelings or about something else is a great way to cope with difficult emotions, and there are other good skills as well like talking to a friend, taking a walk, cutting or dying my own hair, exercise such as hitting a punching bag, doing as many pushups as you can, running as fast as you can; watching a comfort show or playing a comfort game, taking personality tests online, and there are many other options because not everything works for everyone nor for every situation: dbt skills pdf

identify your needs and find activities that help you with them. 👍 this goes for any kind of emotional struggle and maladaptive coping btw it's just that impulse buying lead me to so much more stress down the road but i got a lot better at it and thought i'd share some of what helped me

[film-in-my-soul]

hurry up, we're dreaming | 1,148 | scissorghost

Summary: Steve and Bucky always meet up during their free third period so they can hang out (read: make out) behind the bleachers on the soccer field. They used to go to the football ones, but too many people had the same idea as them and they preferred the empty, if seriously worse-for-wear, soccer bleachers. But today, Bucky doesn’t greet Steve with his usual bruising kiss, instead sweeping him into a gentle hug and holding him there for a minute. Now, Steve’s never one to complain about hugs, but he would infinitely prefer to already be sucking on Bucky’s tongue by now (he’s got his inhaler ready and everything, just in case he needs it) so he stands on his tiptoes and tries to bring their mouths together, but Bucky just holds him away gently.

Cabin Fever | 1,750 | neversaydie

Summary: Captain's Log, stardate 2246.5  Our diplomatic mission to Nova ended smoothly. Nova Prime and the Antaran diplomatic envoy have begun to hash out a trade deal and no longer require Starfleet to act as a neutral third party. We're heading to the Galiway trade hub to restock the ship and release the crew on an extended ten-day shore leave. Some of the crew are starting to get cabin fever with leave being delayed by almost a month now. Such delays are unavoidable, but I can't blame them for feeling cooped up when I, myself—  "Steve, c'mon already. This synthale ain't gonna drink itself." Anyway, we should arrive at Galiway sometime within the next twenty-four hours. Hopefully everyone should be less antsy after they blow off a little steam, including the officers. That's all for now. Rogers out.

Go Fish | 2,653 | notlucy / @notlucy

Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man stuck in an airport, in possession of an iPhone, must open Tinder.

Please see below for more recommendations!

You Will Meet a Stranger | 3,061 | spitandvinegar

Summary: When the mask falls off Steve recoils. He'll never forgive himself.

Dirty Pics | 3,117 | lillupon / @lillupon

Summary: There’s this one guy Bucky slept with three months ago who still sends pics of his ass whenever Bucky asks. What can he say? Grant’s got an ass that just won’t quit.

I Draw A Line (To Your Heart From Mine) | 3,728 | seapigeon

Summary: Bucky hates art therapy. Sure, he used to love art, but that was...before. So if this tiny, annoyingly insightful instructor could just let him coast, that would be great. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be Steve Rogers' style.

Follow Me Home | 4,599 | seapigeon

Summary: The Brooklyn SPCA has a running program for their high energy shelter dogs. Steve quickly becomes their #1 volunteer. Every time he's out with a dog, he thinks about stopping to talk to the cute guy in the park, and every time he chickens out. But today, someone else is making that decision for him. That someone is Engelbert the 80 pound boxer mix.

Prom Sucks! | 4,755 | VenusMonstrosa / @venusmonstrosa

Summary: “Is this a stupid end-of-year prank?” “Jesus, Steve, you think I’d do that?”

Gravity | 5,649 | lillupon / @lillupon

Summary: The Winter Soldier isn’t supposed to know what it means to want something.

We're a Couple of Misfits | 5,797 | notlucy / @notlucy

Summary: Working retail can be unforgiving, especially around the holidays. Luckily, Steve works in a store that has a view of Santa’s Village, the happiest spot in the mall - the place where dreams come true, children never cry, and parents never lose their tempers. Oh, and the place where there may or may not be a hot-ass elf assistant Steve can’t stop daydreaming about.

Nurse Rogers | 6,065 | Bellakitse / @bellakitse

Summary: He’s turning the corner headed back to the ambulance bay where Clint is waiting for him in the truck when he rams into this tiny figure in blue scrubs pants and a white undershirt, the kid is cute, blond and blue-eyed, barely reaching Bucky’s shoulder and so slim that if Bucky didn’t have amazing reflexes and reached for him in time the kid would be on the ground from their encounter. Where Bucky is a cocky paramedic and Steve is a tiny nurse.

We Have the Technology | 6,193 | zetsubonna / @zetsubonna

Summary: How Bucky Barnes's passion for mechanical engineering led him to create his own best friend.

what we are is unexpected | 6,597 | bitelikefire (theoleo) / @deimoslunaa

Summary: Bucky doesn’t know why people keep asking him for fucking favours. What’s even worse is how he doesn’t understand why he can’t say no and that’s how he ends up babysitting his nephew for his little sister and basically playing cool uncle for the next few weeks.

(760): I literally cut myself out of my pants. Waste. Of. Money. | 6,654 | relenafanel / @relenafanel

Summary: Hey friend of Sam’s can I get an opinion on this outfit? Bucky texted, attaching the selfie taken in Sam’s bathroom mirror. He received an answer almost immediately. Bucky was almost expecting a lecture, or at least a concerned question about who had stolen Sam’s phone. He got neither. New text from Steve: What do you want it to say?

If You Let Me | 6,900 | lillupon / @lillupon

Summary: Steve always thought it was silly how easily girls fell for Bucky, even though they must have known he would only break their hearts. Told himself that he would require more than a few sweet words and a cocky grin. But thinking that while watching Bucky charm his way into a girl’s bed for the night is completely different from being on the receiving end of it.

1023 | 6,982 | seapigeon

Summary: Steve has been blessed (or cursed) with a daughter who's just like him. On a crisp fall day, she befriends a man who sleeps under a park bench. Bucky doesn't say much about his past, but in no time at all, Steve is pretty sure he might be his future.

The Afterlife of The Party | 8,433 | neversaydie

Summary: "Oh no. Hell no." Bucky freezes with his hand halfway to the giant ornamental vase the new family have just unpacked. Smashing it would be the perfect way to announce himself on moving day: a big, stylish gesture that's ambiguous enough to leave them feeling only slightly unnerved until he decides things need to escalate. That is, it would be the perfect way to announce himself if a skinny blond kid hadn't just walked through the living room wall. "This house is taken, pal. What the fuck?" "Uh, this is my family." The kid is standing there awkwardly, like they're still corporeal and he might have to duck or deliver a punch in the near future. "This is my house." He narrows his eyes and slowly gets to his feet. The guy's eyes keep flicking to his missing arm and Bucky is starting to see red. "And I don't appreciate other people living in it."

Trains | 9,045 | misslucyjane

Summary: Bucky Barnes is the lead singer of Winter Soldier. Steve Rogers is their biggest fan.

Seawater | 9,330 | littleblackfox / @thelittleblackfox

Summary: He stops in front of a large glass tube; pale, translucent Jellyfish floating serenely within. “Look at these guys, Moon jellyfish. You’re an artist, tell me that’s not beautiful.” Brooklyn stares into the display, the soft blue light highlighting the cut of his cheekbones, the softness of his lips, and Bucky squeezes his hand a little harder. Brooklyn turns to him and smiles, small and crooked and painfully sweet. “Yeah, I guess they are.” Bucky can’t look away, something painful lodged in his throat. “Those horseshoe shapes on the caps are their gonads.” Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Nighthawks | 9,531 | mambo / @whtaft

Summary: Bucky's working the graveyard shift at the diner when some tiny guy in Doc Martens walks in and orders a strawberry milkshake.

Closing Time | 10,872 | RecoveringTheSatellites / @thisonesatellite

Summary: Steve works in a Brooklyn dive bar. A tall, guarded guy comes in to drink at regular intervals. He always sits in the back corner. Steve leaves him alone. He looks like a guy who deserves some peace and quiet. He does find out the stranger's name is Bucky. Finds out what he likes to drink. And little by little, conversation happens. Connection happens. Until one day a cock-flock of dudebros comes in (i made up cock-flock, but really, is that not their collective term) and the heckling goes up to eleven once they’re good and drunk. Bucky gets asked to take it outside. Steve will have none of that, thankyouverymuch.

Bucky Barnes Has His Shit Together (and Other Lies He Tells Himself) | 14,159 | betts / @bettsfic

Summary: You’d think a guy who owns one of the most successful bakeries in Brooklyn, has a million-dollar smile and that antiquated good ol’ boy charm, blond hair and blue eyes and biceps for days, would know what’s what. But don’t let that fool you: Steve Rogers is a mess.

Exhale | 15,676 | seapigeon

Summary: After the Chitauri invasion, Steve parts ways with SHIELD, unsure if he can trust an agency that tried to deceive him and built weapons from the Tesseract. He finds himself alone in an unfamiliar future, penniless, not even legally alive. Fortunately, he knows how to survive. Steve Rogers is used to getting by on his own. The thing is, he doesn't have to.

Dream a Little Dream | 16,458 | velleities

Summary: Steve's MO for living his 21st century life is: keep it simple, fight the good fight with SHIELD and the Avengers, sketch the world around him whenever possible, forget to think about love and all things romance. Steve's 21st Century Life has different plans: a certain charming waiter, a bistro that almost becomes Steve's second home, and an attraction that sends Steve swooning as he starts dreaming of a less lonely existence.

Roots Have Grown | 17,280 | AustinB / @cornerficus

Summary: Bucky is a mildly agoraphobic veteran with funds to spare, who becomes enamored with the cute blonde guy in his building. So when Steve mentions needing a roommate to cut down on rent costs, Bucky decides it would be a good idea to volunteer.

Where The Heart Is | 17,579 | attackofthezee (noxlunate) / @attackofthezee

Summary: When Steve gets home from work there’s someone in his apartment. A tall, foreboding, and goddamned metal armed someone.

Catalysis | 21,594 | follow_the_sun / @lasrina

Summary: Ex-soldier Bucky Barnes doesn't have time to think about that skinny blonde guy he met in the hospital. Especially not after the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. shows up on his doorstep and asks him to save the world.

if all my mistakes (led me to you) | 22,755 | bitelikefire (theoleo) / @deimoslunaa

Summary: Sam’s plans are always the worst plans. And now, Steve has to scramble to find a plus one for Peggy’s big day after being spontaneously dumped. Luckily, he doesn’t have to look very far.

Put Walk Among Us On and Turn it Up | 24,799 | essieincinci

Summary: When Bucky was sixteen and drunk for the first time (on schnapps, dear god, not that he ever admits that part) he let his friend’s greaseball older brother talk him into a homemade stab-n-stick that is just… awful. He walks into the shop from the business card late at night, and a little guy in a too-big hoodie and skinny jeans looks up from the counter.

Sweet Serendipity | 26,179 | velleities

Summary: A troubled city-style lumberjack. Sunshine personified in a man. An accidental phone swap. A serendipitous meet-up. Bucky lets out a small scoff. This isn’t the romcom that one looks for, not usually. It is, however, the one that found Steve and Bucky.

Rivers and Roads | 30,555 | AustinB / @cornerficus

Summary: Steve is working undercover for Hydra when he gets an unexpected promotion. To the Winter Soldier Project.

my heart tells me you are lonely, too | 43,212 | FanGirling

Summary: Bucky sinks into the chair. His ass is falling asleep. “So I just have to, what, learn to be more human?” Sam tries to hold back his sigh but Bucky notices it anyway.

It's Just Temporary | 52,615 | perfect_plan

Summary: Bucky Barnes has no idea what he wants to do with his life and is stumbling from one temp job to the next. Hopefully he can keep his new job at Stark Industries for longer than a week...

Master Reclist · Personal Masterlist · Blog Nav.

[thomatri]

Haikyuu boys and girl as love languages

Synopsis - Haikyuu boys and Yachi<3 as love languages (separately) featuring Karasuno boys pt 2

Paring - Kageyama Tobio, Yachi Hitoka, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Ennoshita Chikara,Nishinoya Yuu

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Yachi Hitoka - words of affirmation

———

Let’s be real this girl is slightly insecure so she be needing some hype sometimes. She’s always complimenting people in her head (cue that scene where Kiyoko is recruiting her to be a manager) but eventually she works up to complimenting you verbally. She’s a bit too nervous for any other love language and even words of affirmation makes her shy but it’s a step in the right direction. She truly cares for you and wants you to know <3

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Kageyama Tobio - quality time

———

He’s a simple man. Movie date at home he’s happy. He personally thinks it’s more effective like why spend a bunch of money going somewhere when there’s perfectly good streaming services payed by someone else. Similar to Yachi he gets flustered by other love languages but quality time is something he feels is the relationship itself which I completely agree.

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Yamaguchi Tadashi - Gift giving

———

Insecure but in a different and objectively sadder way in the relationship. He feels like himself isn’t able to portray his love for you how he wants to so he buys you gifts to show it instead. You try to reassure him that he’s enough but as you guys progress in your relationship he just enjoys giving you gifts especially as he learns your interest and what not more so his gifts are more accurate. Though for some reason I feel like he’d buy you food?

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Ennoshita Chikara - acts of service

———

I think being benched does something to your mental cause he is cannonly insecure because he feels like he’s not good enough and being benched as a second year Sure as hell ain’t helping. Anywho instead of sitting around pun intended he like to do things for you nothing crazy. Y’all favorite thing to do for each other is grocery shopping, Tanaka jokes that y’all like a old couple but you both don’t care. It’s just some classic ol retail therapy. Your dad will joke “is Ennoshita going to the grocery store? Ask him to pick up some bread for us”

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Nishinoya Yuu - physical touch

———

If you read my Shiratorizawa version of this imagine Tendō biting but 5x more. Yes I’m taking the fact Nishinoya bit someone once and making it his thing fight me (actually please don’t) when he does bite you it’s in the comfort of just y’all two and he’ll nibble or just bite you softly it’s basically his version of a kiss. But don’t worry he has plenty of normal kisses which he’s completely fine with doing in public. Always holding hands. And always hugging. After a win or lost he’ll just walk or run depending on the match up to you and hug you and basically hold your hand all the way until you get back to Karasuno. He basically can fit into any love language maybe acts of service and gift giving less but he’s just a big fan of pda. Is it really a Nishinoya relationship if y’all not attached to the hip?

———————————————————————

Fun au

- these were short so I apologize for that

-not proofread and wrote at 2 am double homocide so I apologize for spelling or grammatical mistakes

- also why tf were these so angsty like half of them were sad 😭 I’m not projecting guys I swear it’s just Conan Gray is getting to me ig 🥀

- I feel like out of all these I wrote Kageyamas was my least fav and I’m surprisingly happy with Ennoshita’s

- also I jus realized Narita and Kinnoshita never played like I get they benched but like damn 😭 felt like they was benched even before the first years

[misc-obeyme]

i just had a major breakthrough last night and wrote four pages of bullet points with random plot ideas, scenarios, and dialogue in my sketchbook 😅 IT WAS SO LATE AT NIGHT I CAN BARELY READ MY OWN HANDWRITING

I'm still trying to figure out the proper term, but Solomon is majoring in music composition !! Wiki says his favorite genre is classical music, and I like the idea he would want to create his own. His main instrument is piano !! But he has basic knowledge of guitar and the violin. (It'll be mainly running into the coffee shop together separately and living their lives, but once they get closer, Sol tries teaching me piano because i wanted to learn- THERE'S A BACKSTORY TO THIS AND ANOTHER PLOT IDEA !!!)

Simeon is also studying at the same college, and is writing TSL online. He has his own website, and Solomon creates pieces to go along with scenes in the book. (This is a whole other plot point)

I think right now it's going "Horror Night/Realizations" (the three of them going to see a movie that Solomon was excited to see, end up at a diner afterwards) -> "Burned CD's/Mammon Playlist Drama" (hehehe- WAIT IT'S NOT ANGST, GOTTA CLARIFY THE RECORD STORE DOES N O T BURN DOWN) -> "Halloween Party w/ Asmo" (A vampire, a werewolf, and a devil. What could go wrong? Or right? 👀) -> "Retail Therapy/Talks" (bookstores are a girl's best friend)

I haven't decided what role every character will play, but Levi makes an appearance with the CD stuff, Asmo throws the party and is studying to be a fashion designer, Satan owns a bookstore that I frequently visit (ANOTHER PLOT POINT AHAH), and Lucifer makes another appearance.

i keep writing things down and then getting more ideas and it feels like one big web, BUT IT'S ALL CONNECTED !! This is so much fun !! So technically yes, apprentice ish on the side, and Mammon does confess (kinda). I HAVE THIS PLANNED OUT BUT I DIDN'T WANT THIS TO GET LONG (IT DID ANYWAY), I JUST WANTED TO SHARE BECAUSE I'M WRITING THIS AS I GET READY FOR WORK AJDJJSD OKAY BYEEE

- ✨ anon

Wow this really is turning into an epic love story for the ages!! I love it lol!

Ohhhh music major, eh?!? My main instrument is also the piano! What a coincidence! Okay, actually, that's really easy to figure out considering my OC is a music demon and he is also known for his piano skills alskdfj. But Arsenios is a demon so he has magical talent that allows him to play any instrument. He's like everything I wish I could be as a musician lol!!! But anyway, got a bit sidetracked there, sorry. I love Solomon as a composer. That just feels like something he'd get lost in, you know? Music can be simple, but it can also be really complicated. And just imagine that guy getting lost in writing some kinda orchestral masterpiece... Or if he did a little conducting too, that baton is basically a magic wand...

Anyway, I love how we're getting all the other characters involved now, too!

See, you've already got the timeline, too!

I mean, what you're doing right now is basically outlining a story! I never outline anything because I am a degenerate, but that's exactly the kinda thing that a lot of people do before writing. So you're setting yourself up for success, I'd say! I mean, it's all whatever, writing is a personal process!

I'm loving your ideas and I'm loving the enthusiasm!! This right here is exactly why I write - because it's fun!

I hope you continue to enjoy coming up with ideas and if you do decide to write it, I hope you enjoy yourself!!

[eyeslikewatercoolers]

Retail Therapy- Sashnetra

Here it is, a Superstore AU! Based on one of my favorite shows, it's mostly Sashnetra as Amy and Jonah in the show. I don't plan to continue this any further, just a fun little one-shot!

Big thank you to @imtooobsessedrn for helping me with this!! Maybe there'll be a surprise chapter 2 with Aura's Red Velvet flash mob

Read on ao3

Working as a retail floor worker was never part of Sasha’s ten-year plan. If things went the way she originally planned, she’d probably be working in the corporate office of this chain retail store. Instead, she wore the cheap polyester vest and a name badge that said ‘Hi, my name is Sasha’

Sasha sat at one of the round tables in the breakroom that the assistant manager, Mistress, led her to a few minutes before. She waited patiently as other employees entered the room and filled the rest of the seats, all waiting for the morning huddle led by the general manager. 

“Everyone listen up!” she heard Mistress say, breaking apart the small side conversations as she and another woman with the nametag of Salina-General Store Manager walked into the breakroom.

“Happy Monday, everyone! Before we start the shift assignments, I’d like to welcome our new employees to our store.” Salina said in a chipper tone. Sasha was about to stand to introduce herself, but a bubbly blonde woman at the table in the front stood up.

“Hi everyone! I’m Loosey. I was one of the shift leads from one of the Connecticut stores before I relocated here. I’m glad to be part of the team!” Loosey said with a huge smile on her face before sitting down again.

Then everyone turned their heads to Sasha as she timidly stood up, “I’m Sasha, it’s nice to meet everyone.” she said, not wanting to say what brought her into a dead-end retail job. 

At the end of the huddle, as everyone left the room, Sasha and Loosey were approached by a woman with long cherry-red hair and piercing brown eyes. “You two are with me to start your floor training.” she led them down the corridor.

“Okay, Gail,” Sasha said as she read the woman’s nametag clipped to her vest. 

The woman turned back to look at them, “That’s not my name. They messed up on my original nametag, so I grab whatever’s in the manager’s office.”

“Then what is your name?” Sasha attempted to ask, but the floor manager ignored her question as she led them into the store.

A couple of hours into Sasha’s first shift, she was bored out of her mind. The floor manager put her on one of the most easily mundane tasks in the store as she was training Loosey on the register. 

After she completed the zoning in the grocery section, she walked along the aisles, finding someone else they were willing to train her on something. Turning the corner, she noticed two younger women wearing the uniform vest, both of their attentions on their phones.

“Hi, excuse me?” Sasha said, hoping to get at least one of their attention. 

Both of the women looked at her, and Sasha realized that they were identical twins. One had long light brown hair with the nametag ‘Sugar’, and the other with long dark brown hair with the nametag ‘Spice’.

Sugar spoke up first, “We’re on lunch right now.” 

“Both of you? At the same time?” Sasha tilted her head as she asked.

Spice nodded “Well, she’s on lunch for the next ten minutes, and then I go on lunch right after her.” she explained. 

“So you both take a full-hour lunch together? Even if you only get thirty minutes each?” Sasha asked for clarification. 

Both of the twins nodded as if it was obvious. 

“Then why do you spend your lunch in the middle of the store?” 

Another employee walked by carrying a cardboard box and added, “They split the pay of one person, so the managers let them do pretty much whatever as long as nothing gets broke.”

Sasha looked closer and read ‘Luxx’ as the twins returned to texting on their phones. It looked like she might get a better answer from this employee instead.

 She caught up to Luxx and asked them, “Is there anything that you can show me how to do? The floor manager has been making me stack cans for the past two hours.” 

“You can do what I do to look busy,” they said as they passed the box to Sasha as they walked together. Sasha felt the lightness of the box as they placed it in her arms. “Don’t worry, she can be a tight-ass sometimes,” they added in a lower voice. 

“Oh, the floor manager?” Sasha said as they both stopped in one of the aisles. “She does seem to be a little bit on the bitchy side.” She said in a lowered voice as Luxx looked past her shoulder.

“I gotta find another box, I’ll see you later,” They said as they made a quick exit out of the aisle. 

Shrugging, she turned back and saw the same piercing brown eyes from that morning narrowed at her. Sasha never felt so small in her entire life until this moment, getting stared down by her superior whose name she still didn’t know. 

Before she could make an excuse, the floor manager passed her a scanner. “Electronics are on sale, I’m going to teach you how to change the prices.” Her red hair flowed as she turned on her heel and walked to the end of the aisle.

“If I won’t be too bitchy for you.” She added in a bored tone as she led Sasha to the electronics section. 

“Okay, so you scan the item, press the control key, then alt, divide, zero point two-five, and then enter.” the floor manager said as she passed Sasha the scanner and the clipboard. 

“I got it, thanks,” Sasha said as she started unlocking the first glass case in the electronics section with the keys she borrowed.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to show you again or write it down? Most people it takes a bit of practice to do this.” the woman pointed out. 

“And most people didn’t go through most of their MBA, twice.” Sasha pointed out.

 She didn’t care if she would continue to piss her superior off since this was just a temporary gig until she felt ready to finish business school. 

Whenever that was going to be. 

“Fine, I’ll be in sports and outdoors if you need anything.” The woman said, turning away and leaving the aisle. 

The task was still a little mundane, but at least it kept Sasha busy until the end of her shift. All she had to do was scan, press the buttons, and mark it off the list. 

Sasha listened to the sales announcements that Luxx was making over the loudspeaker nearby in between the corporate radio music. She let her mind wander as she worked through repricing the gaming consoles. 

She thought about a few weeks before she packed up her car and just started driving when she felt like business school wasn’t for her anymore. A few hours into her impromptu trip, she was hungry and needed to stretch out her legs, causing her to find a Help Wanted sign in the window of a big box store.

After finding her resume in a packed box, she went into an interview with the intimidating assistant manager and walked out with a job offer to start the following Monday. 

Now she was here, a ‘dead-end part-time job’ that she tried so hard to avoid for her entire adult life. 

But a small part of her didn’t mind it. She liked how her new coworkers were interested in talking with her, and it didn’t feel like she was competing to be the best in the class anymore.

“How’s it going?” A cheery voice pulled her back into reality. She looked up to see Salina standing above her, smiling at her. 

“It’s been alright so far,” Sasha said as she flipped to the next page on the clipboard. 

“This sale seems to be popular. Everything is pretty much flying off the shelves!” Salina said as she looked around at the excited customers taking any and every item included in the sale. 

“All this for twenty-five percent off?” Sasha asked as she saw the floor manager speed walk up to them, a concerned look in her eyes. 

“What’s going on? The cashiers are getting swamped by people buying stuff from the sale today.” She said, looking at the crowd moving to the front of the store. She looked back at Sasha, “Is the scanner showing the right price?”

“I’m doing this exactly how you showed me. Control, alt, divide, two-five-point-zero, then enter.”  She said as she pressed the buttons on the scanner. 

“Wait, two, five, and then the period? It’s supposed to be the other way around.” The woman took the scanner and pulled a keyboard off the shelf to scan the barcode. “It’s not twenty-five percent off. It’s twenty-five cents.”

“So everything got changed to cost a quarter each?” Salina asked, looking panicked. 

Anetra slowly nodded as the three women looked at each other for a quiet moment in the middle of the chaos. 

The next hour consisted of most employees trying to either quickly change the prices or forcibly take the products out of customers' hands for damage control. 

It felt like a warzone inside the store. It was a whirlwind of customers berating and yelling at employees, getting pushed out of the way, and getting called almost every synonym for someone unintelligent. 

It was a lost battle. Almost all of the products in the department were cleared out and sold for the biggest margin of what it was worth. 

Sasha and the floor manager sat at the small food court in the store, both exhausted. It was getting closer to the end of the day, and Sasha felt like it would also be her last working at this store. 

“I’m gonna talk to Salina, and then we can clock out. I’ll see you later.” the woman said as she stood up and walked away from the table. 

Sasha aimlessly wandered until she found Luxx at the customer service desk, organizing the go-backs in the carts. 

“How was your first day in retail hell?” Luxx asked her, barely looking up. 

“I need another box, I might as well try to look busy since my ass is getting fired,” Sasha sighed in defeat. She might as well accept her fate now and then look for another dead-end job in the morning. 

Sasha walked into the dark parking lot, holding her folded vest. She waved to the twins and Loosey as they walked together to their separate vehicles. 

Her heart sank when she realized that she was going to miss this job, even if it was short. Something about it felt like working at this store meant to be the life and the people for her. 

“That was some eventful day, huh?” she heard a voice next to her and saw the familiar long red hair and striking brown eyes. 

She nodded, “Yeah, I’m sorry again for that mistake. I should have listened to you.” She explained, trying to sound sincere.

“It’s okay. Good thing it’s a fresh start tomorrow.” the woman slightly smiled, “Or at least that’s what Salina tells us.” 

Sasha turned to look at her, “So I’m not getting fired?” she asked. 

The woman shook her head, “No, you still work here. We wanted to give you a second chance.” she explained. “And Salina said I can’t fire people,” she added jokingly.

Sasha felt relieved that she was keeping this job. She will be extra careful that this mistake won’t happen again.

“I gotta get home. Have a good night, Sasha.” The floor manager said as she walked forward to get closer to her car. 

“You have a good night too,” she said, forgetting that this woman’s name was still unknown to her. 

As if on cue, the woman turned back around and called out, “My name is Anetra, by the way.”, before getting into the driver’s seat of her car. 

Sasha smiled to herself, realizing that working in a dead-end retail job may not be as bad as she always thought.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3315

today was surprisingly tough on me.

it's not necessarily the exhaustion, although that certainly didn't help.

it's not the job, not in the least. i'm actually pretty proud of myself in that department. we had a meeting with jack today about the next GRR and i came up with a timeline for it. and he'll be talking to the product security guy on tuesday to kinda get the ball rolling for that. (when i told jack i wanted his job when he left, i didn't intend for it to be this soon.)

tw: disordered eating, money problems. suffice it to say i should really talk to my therapist soon. and learn boundaries because i need to care for myself too, not just everyone else.

most of my issues today stemmed from thinking about money. i have a fairly comprehensive budget i created in excel. it takes into account holidays, overtime pay, the hourly rate, taxes, benefits, all of my bills, and my bank balance at any given time. the problem is that i'm going to likely break even at the end of the year, which makes it frustrating because i'd like to have a little extra, yknow? when you budget you need to overestimate your expenses and underestimate your income. that way, you should be okay if something turns out weird.

but the problem i am encountering is that even what i'm making isn't enough. first off, i can't say "no" when people ask for help. i don't think about myself in that moment; i focus on helping whoever it is survive and get the things they need. when it comes to myself, though, the wants and needs are fucked up.

for example: when i talked to myself after work today, trying to figure out what to do for dinner, i asked my mom. she recommended wendy's and mcdonald's, and then she said "save your money." i know i should save my money. but i also need to eat. but my stupid little fucked up brain went, "i need to save money, but i want to eat." which, obviously, is a fucked up way to think. any normal person would say "they need to eat but they want to save money." but nope, not me and my fucked up brain, this shit could never.

so i spent about an hour being upset and trying to figure out how to eat something, save money, and comfort myself without retail therapy or actual therapy. this is a good thing to touch on with christine when i next talk to her. god, i really hope the state determines i can get a tax credit for my insurance. it's all killing me. when i help people and send them money, i think about them needing to eat, needing a comfortable place to live, needing medications to keep themselves well. i don't think about the fact that i'm hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that i will likely never pay off. i did some calculations, and if i hadn't sent money to a friend, i would've been able to have dinner and not worry about it. but because i didn't do that, i spent the hour drive home agonizing about it before finally deciding to get a few things from the convenience store at the gas station and eating a pint of ice cream for dinner.

healthy? no. cheap? more so than a full meal. and it was from my gas account, so it doesn't go against my full budget.

god i'm such a disaster.

i need to learn to say no and i need to learn to have healthy boundaries and i need to learn how to fix my disordered thinking and the bizarre relationship i have with food. it's so fucking hard to handle it. i'm struggling a lot with it.

i definitely could've used a joel hug today, but he was out when i got home and has not yet returned. so i am joel-less and hug-less. affection is hard. i need so much of it but i get so little.

sigh.

[flewis]

More personal stuff 😎 (literally 3am thoughts)

I've been working since I was 15. I'm 24 now and spent 8 years as a cleaner at a school while I was studying there. Was from end of the school day to like 8pm. Every day. So as you can see, not the most sociable life I've had. And I've definitely.... Suffered as such.

Don't take this as a joke. I litterally have no friends. But I'm really close with my family so I don't mind too much. In fact I 'came' to the conclusion that I was aromantic. As I never really cared to be in a relationship (if that's because my undeveloped social skills idk) but I don't mind.

In December I left my cleaning job as a bunch of shit went down and I left. I then finally decided to get help with stuff. (Not like I had anything else going on. Was jobless at the time luuul)

In November I went to seek mental health help at my local doctors and they did just that. A private therapy company got in contact with me and that's when I first started my Therapy. (Love u Alex. You helped me a bunch)

I'm on a couple meds that help as well as doing things I was taught during therapy to help my day-to-day life. And I've even got another job! I work at my local Game store. Which yes, my second job ever and it's retail???? Lord help me.

I've been here a month now and it's been fun. Different for sure but fun. Learning a new life pretty much. Going from a slow, lonely life as a cleaner with no time for friends to litterally the busiest I've ever been. I've actually got coworkers and the constant stream of random people I have to serve is definitely getting me out of my comfort zone. I couldn't imagine 5 year ago me doing this without breaking down.

Now? I want to try and get back into friends. I know I'm treating it like a game but it's true. How tf do you make friends at this age? I've never gone to a bar and got a drink before? Do I go by myself? Maybe my brother and a couple of his mates to help me slowly get back into it? How tf do I talk to people. Am I really aromantic or have I litterally never had the chance to explore how I feel.

Fun times. If you made it here. I🧡U

[fuzzimutt]

*Returns from the Void?*

Hello. Happy New Year.

It’s been strange, lol. Twitter became my new base of operations for many years, but I kinda miss things here, y’know? This was always my favorite social media. I’m gonna try to post here again, audience or not.

I have also renamed my main and personal tumblr: TehMutt → JustFuzzi, just to keep things tidy. I haven’t gone by “teh Mutt” in quite some time anyway, lol.

So hey, how about a roundup of the past 6 years? LOL [TL;DR version: I’m two locations later; Did way more conventions for a bit; had a major health scare; currently trying to get back to doing what I love.]

[End of] 2017:

Moved to a place where I could have a dedicated studio. It was small, but awesome

Roster switch to new fursona: Fuzzi. She’s great. Art of her here. Relevant for branding things, lol.

2018:

Website launch! check out FuzziMutt.com! 🌐

Did Furry Weekend Atlanta, AnthroCon, and my first Midwest Furfest. (twitter posts linked.)

2019:

Bought this monster, learned many new tricks~

Did FWA2019, Megaplex2019, and MFF2019

Had a whole adventure with an awful job, rage quit, then was asked to come back for a different branch. 🙃 

Attempted (and nearly completed!) an October Art Challenge.

2020:

You know. Not a great year for anyone, but hit a low point with disaster after disaster. Had to move again; lost my beloved pets 🌈, battled chronic health stuff that involved a tumor. There were no conventions, business slumped for all. Virtual cons are neat, tho.

New and current studio, tho. Biggest one yet:

2021:

The voidiest year. Still no conventions, I had to contemplate what to do with business.

Work was all-consuming and not healthy for me.

My health was not healthy for me battling continuing chronic issues.

2022:

Finally stuck it to my awful job, never to return to abusive corporate retail again if I can help it. Just in time, as my chronic health thing required surgery. It was not successful. This came back later.

Cautiously did FWA2022 out of necessity.

Started a great new job that would allow me the time to run business in earnest; excited planning!

Left Etsy for many reasons, but launched my own store right on my website, and finally got on instagram. 🤣

My biggest health scare. :( I had a cryptogenic stroke. The cause was complicated, but a lot of blame was on the meds I was taking for my tumor/chronic thing. That lead to another surgery to finally be tumor free. The damage was done tho. I’m okay physically outside of one-sided loss of strength, but my memory is a little affected and my ability to manage neurodivergent things.

Therapy is great and important.

I have been slowly trying to get back into things since, but new job took a weird turn and I find it eats up my energy as I navigate my new health status quo.

2023:

Hi. Here we are, lol.

My plans are getting back to business in earnest, with a possible day-job-change in the works. One of these days I’ll be stable enough to just sit and sew and make cute stuff, I swear.  Anyway, I’ll be intermittently posting things lost in the void and probably keep referencing this post for a bit. Hello again if you are still here on tumblr, and hi, welcome for any newcomers.

[voteformightyclocks]

Pass the happy! When you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications ✨

Hmm...good one

Random little messages. Every now again, I get a random "Good morning" or a random update on a friend's life or a random "I just found out that" and it's always really fun and never fails to put a smile on my face

Animals. I love animals! My roommate has a lizard which I love to say hi to, I sometimes go to the local pet store to see cats and fish and birds and lizards and mice, and I really wanna find friends here who own cats or dogs! It's way too easy for me to get excited about animals, even something like a spider. But some animals like wasps, pigs, and flies I do not appreciate

Buying stuff. Retail therapy works and is shockingly addictive, but I've gotten better! Sadly...

Playing a video game with someone who's really chill. My strongest experiences with this are in Valorant, every now and again my team is losing and I have chill teammates so we decide "You know what? We're gonna lose, so let's have fun doing so". I've seen a lot happen in these times. Karaoke, everyone choosing the most toxic gun and stacking site, everyone doing knife only, everyone just sticking in spawn and talking, everyone grabbing the most long ranged weapon and no one taking any weapon that can cover close range...games that result in silly matches like those are fun xD

The words "I love you". Don't really know how to elaborate on this point beyond that, so-

Rather than go to people's ask boxes, I'll just mention them lol

@lilliganreblogs I think this is the right person...? Pfp is the same and the name is very close but not certain. Sorry if you're a random!

@thisisthe-way

@incorrectpizza

@kanerallels

@grandmascookierival

@midnight-raven

@loki-ren

@do-not-go-gently-42

@fishmanforfree

@keelifallen

[dclyne]

Would've, Should've, Could've, & what it means to me.

You've all been following me for a few years now (10+ at this point), and I've never been vocal on here about my love for the woman that is, Taylor Swift. This woman has had a grip on me since Fearless was released, namely due to the following songs: 1. Fifteen 2. White Horse 3. Forever & Always (Piano Version) 4. You Belong With me / Love Story (Obvs) I was 11 when Fearless was released so I didn't get the full experience as a pre-teen that knew absolutely nothing of heartbreak or loving another person (Though I pretended I did). It wasn't until Speak Now was released when I was 13 that I RAN to the nearest store that sold CD's and bought every version avaliable known to people of this earth. Now this isn't a write up about Fearless or Speak Now, although I'm thinking it should be at this point. I'm here today to talk about Midnights, as a now 25 year old woman with their frontal lobe fully in tact making sense of what didn't making sense in years prior. If you've made it this far, thank you. You are wonderful. Midnights is pure pain, in every instance, it is pain and we can't deny it. It was 3pm (Australian AEST) when I streamed the record for the first time. I was working from home, at my desk when we crashed Spotify. now i'll be honest, I wasn't in the best state mentally, and i'm still not in the best state but I'm better than was on October 21st 2022. I enjoyed the first listen, but I couldn't get into as much i'd hope as, to be quite frank, I was in the worst state of mind mentally, fighting for my life and i couldn't quite click with any song but Sweet Nothing due to the different tones of the record. Midnights (3am Edition) arrived at 6pm (AEST) while I was out doing some retail therapy and again, I couldn't give the additional seven songs the listen that they deserved whilst driving across Melbourne, Australia. I've had a lot of time to play Midnights on repeat, Bigger Than The Whole Sky & Would've, Should've, Couldve to be exact. Both songs resonated with me and where I'm currently at in life. Would've, Should've, Couldve holds a torch over me and my past situationships and people I was with between the ages of 17 - 19. "I damn sure never would've danced with devil, at nineteen" Now I dated some questionable people between those years, but it wasn't until Taylor sung this very specific line when it hit that a 21 year old man really shouldn't have involved himself with a 17 year old girl. I believe I was still a child at that point and stand by it. By all means it wasn't a toxic relationship, but it could've been handled better and someone along the way should've stepped in to say "Hey, maybe this isn't the best idea." But we know how teenagers are, we know they won't listen and need to make their own mistakes. It was a turbulent three - six months (I can't quite remember the length of time this went on for), but it was a considerable amount of time to have stained me over the course of 2014. It was fast paced, it was beautiful and it was the most pain I had experiened in my life relationship wise at that point in my life and it's still something that has a hold on me because it was wrong, in so many ways. There's many different ways to kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough. I wish he would've looked away rather than pursuing me through mutual friends and family. I wish he would've left me wondering. He made me feel important then tried to erase us, and he was a crisis of my faith. I don't know exactly how to put it into words, but Would've, Should've, Could've does, and this is where I sign off for tonight. Peace Out Doggies, Samantha-Leigh

[swimmingninjaarcade]

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[moonbeamnights]

Art and Love

Tropetember Day 4: Retail AU

@tropetember

Summary: Milah goes shopping for a sketchbook and finds true love.

Read on AO3

Milah had been eagerly awaiting the chance to check out the art supply store that had just opened in town. She finally finds the time on the last day of the grand opening sale.

The store’s atmosphere is cozy, more like a cutesy cafe or a quaint bookstore than the chain retailer craft stores she’s used to shopping at. There are chairs and tables set up for artists to hang out and a nautical theme to the decorations on the check out counter.

The dark-haired man behind said counter looks up when she enters, and Milah finds herself looking into the most beautiful blue eyes she’s ever seen.

“Welcome in,” the man says, smiling brightly. “Can I help you find anything?”

“Um...” Milah glances down the nearest aisle, hoping he hadn’t realized she’d been staring. “I’m just looking for a sketchbook.” She can hear the awkward nerves in her own voice, and she wishes she had made a better first impression.

“‘Just’ a sketchbook?” he says playfully. “No need to undersell yourself. Drawing’s an impressive skill.”

Milah blushes. Usually, she hates for people to notice her nervousness and call attention to it. But this man had somehow done so in a way that made her feel more at ease, and slipped in a compliment to top it off.

The man introduces himself as Killian Jones, the owner of the store. As she follows him further into the building, he tells her about the different products he stocks and the inspiration behind his business – art therapy that had helped him after he got out of the navy and lost his left hand. Milah couldn’t imagine being so forward about her own mental health with a friend let alone a stranger, and she’s more than a little impressed that he’s so unashamed by what she would deem oversharing.

“Here we are – sketchbooks,” Killian says at last, and Milah is almost disappointed to have reached their destination. The tour of the store had felt more like a friendly conversation than a sales pitch.

“Thank you,” she says and starts searching the self for the sketchbook she wants, secretively watching Killian as he walks away.

--

Milah needs a new eraser. Then a different color marker. Then new colored pencils. Then she runs out of red paint and the blue is getting low, too, but she decides not to replace it until she absolutely has to. It’s not a financial issue (not this time, at least, she’s been squirreling away money). She spreads out her trips to the art supply store, only ever buying one thing at a time, because of Killian.

He always finds the time to talk with her (and when he’s busy she waits around to give him the chance). It’s more than the usual customer service chatter, or at least she thinks it is. She supposes Killian could just be an excessively friendly person. But if he pays this much attention to anyone else, she hasn’t noticed it. And she can’t help the jittery anticipation that she feels driving to his store, the smile that lights up her face when he catches sight of her with those dazzling blue eyes. Or, most importantly, the warmth and happiness she feels in his presence.

--

“I’m going to set up a showcase for local artists’ work,” Killian says one day. “Would you like to bring in some of your drawings?”

Milah loves the idea, even likes the idea of being part of it. But she’s self-conscious. Her art is good on a technical level, she knows that, but she’s not sure if the subject matter is good enough to display. She draws mostly fantasy – mythical creatures and knights rescuing princesses and the like – and her husband always tells her it’s “childish”.

“I’ll bring some in to show you, and you can decide if you still want them.”

Killian makes her feel worthwhile – like she’s someone worth talking to, like her hobby isn’t frivolous. He’s been testing her assumptions about herself practically since they met and now she’ll do some testing of her own. Afterall, if she likes her drawings, why shouldn’t anyone else?

Despite her earlier confidence, Milah almost backs out of the showcase. She’s put together a portfolio of the least whimsical of her drawings that she’s proud enough of to display. Still, the morning that she’s supposed to show the portfolio to Killian, she wakes with her stomach in a knot of nerves, worrying that it’s not presentable enough. She doesn’t know how she could bear it if Killian looked down on her because he didn’t like her art. She likes him too much for that.

She sits with Killian in the front of the store so he can keep an eye on the register. The store is quiet, though, and he flips through her drawings uninterrupted. He points out something he likes in nearly every picture, occasionally asking her little questions about the ideas behind them.

“These are all very good,” he says when he’s done. He picks a few for the showcase – a female knight facing down a dragon, a werewolf howling under the light of the full moon, a castle in a vibrant forest landscape – then says something Milah never would have expected. “You could make good money with a talent like this.”

“Really?” she asks. She’s thought before about selling her art. The extra money would make her life a lot easier. But “unmarketable” was another of her husband’s favorite ways to describe her art.

 Killian nods. “I have friends who would buy prints of several of these. And I quite like this one myself.” He holds up a drawing of a woman dressed in red looking out over the railing of a pirate ship, brown hair billowing behind her in an invisible sea breeze.

“You can have it,” Milah quickly offers, still stunned that he likes her art so much. Then she blushes. “That is, if you don’t find it weird that it’s supposed to be me.”

Killian studies the drawing closer. “Ah,” he says, “I should have recognized those beautiful curls.”

Milah gasps and blushes harder. It’s not that the flirtation is unwelcome, but surely a man as attractive as Killian, who owns his own business as well, would have better prospects than her.

Killian mistakes her stunned reaction for discomfort. “I’m sorry, I must have misread.  I thought you seemed interested.”

She was interested and she had acted it, he hadn’t misread there. “No, you were right, but it’s… complicated.” She grimaces. Interested was not the same as available, though if only it were that simple.

“I see,” Killian says, trying to smile away the rejection. “And does it make it more or less complicated if I say I think I could love you?”

“Less, I think,” she says slowly, the idea giving her much to think about. But one thing she knows for certain is she needs to be honest with him. “I’m married,” she admits. “But I think, maybe, I am not loved.” Milah had thought she loved her husband because she had thought he loved her. She had thought that what they had, unfulfilling though it was, was the best that there was. But Killian had already shown her better. He’d already shown more kindness, more appreciation, more investment in getting to know her, and if that was not even love but merely the possibility of it… Well. It gave her a new perspective.

And now she suspects she’s ruined it.

But instead of anger, Killian responds to her confession with softness. “You deserve more,” he says. “You deserve love.”

--

Killian talks her into a booth at the upcoming art fair. Half a booth, really, the two of them working off the same table but keeping their own profits. No matter how anxious she might be at the idea of more of her art on display for more people who have higher tastes and back their judgments with money, an entire day of Killian’s company is too good an offer to refuse.

Killian is, in his own words, “good with colors, not details.” His paintings seem to back that up – beautiful swirls of color that, while nearly formless, perfectly encapsulate the seascapes and sunsets they’re meant to represent. It’s a lot closer to her husband’s idea of “serious art” and as they’re setting up, Milah once again worries her art is childish. Killian, once again, is nothing but encouraging.

Milah’s tense at first, uncertain, but Killian’s so easy to be around and he doesn’t criticize the way she interacts with the people who stop at their booth. Customers ooh and ahh at her paintings as much as Killian’s and soon the rhythm of the day becomes surprisingly relaxing. Killian brings her coffee when he leaves their booth for a break in the morning and lunch at noon, gently brushing off her protests of not being able to pay him back with reassurances that he doesn’t expect her to.

At one point, a customer mistakes them for a couple. Milah laughs away the misunderstanding, wishing it was true so hard it almost hurts. She’s been thinking a lot about her earlier conversation with Killian – about the love she’s always dreamed of but realized she doesn’t have, that Killian apparently thinks she deserves. She doubts Killian still wants her in that way, as it’s been long enough for him to have moved on despite their continued friendship. But the hope for a better relationship has stuck with her. She wants to leave her husband, but she hasn’t yet been able to bring herself to do it.

In the afternoon, Milah takes a break and wanders around the fair, taking in the variety of other artisans present. A woodcarver selling wine racks and his wife who brews wines and meads and ciders to fill them. A young woman knitting with clumsy stitches and promising passersby that her wares are made by her grandmother who’s “much better at the craft.” Another carver who makes the most realistic wooden toys Milah’s ever seen. A bookbinder boasting a selection of stories written by her nephew alongside leather journals and classics with painted covers. A photographer specializing in birds. A woman selling little glass dragons. And several other painters and photographers, potters and jewelers.

Her husband would have been unimpressed by the whole affair, likely would have even called some of the pieces “tacky.” Most of their home decor comes from snobbish galleries, her jewelry from major brands. Her husband always cared more about how wealthy his selections would make him appear than about things like artistic merit or fun. To Milah though, the fair seems almost magical, and she’s already planning a few market scenes to draw inspired by its atmosphere.

Milah sells four pictures in total. It’s somehow both a pathetically small number and more than she’d expected, but then self-hatred had never been the most logical of pastimes.

Killian disappears briefly as they’re packing up and returns with his hand behind his back and a cheerful, almost goofy, smile.

“I got you something,” he says.

“Oh?” she asks, heart fluttering. Killian holds out his hand, still closed, then opens it to reveal a hair clip made of glass pieces arranged in the shape of a red and orange butterfly. “It’s beautiful,” Milah breathes. She traces her finger over the clip’s smooth surface, brushing lightly against Killian’s palm as she does.

“Let me put it on for you,” Killian offers, and she obligingly turns around. His touch is gentle as he sweeps back sections of her hair and pins the butterfly in place.

He doesn’t move away when she turns to face him again. They’re close enough it might as well be an embrace, his hand lingering near her face, fingertips on her jawline. It feels like the most natural reaction in the world when she kisses him.

 The kiss is impulsive and ill-advised and wonderful. But when his soft lips begin to move against her own, she realizes what she’s done.

Reluctantly, Milah pulls away. “I shouldn’t -” she starts. Then she thinks about how earnestly Killian had said “I could love you,” about the google search for divorce lawyers still open on her phone, about how days as perfect as this could never exist in the life she’d had before she met him. And she has to know.

“Could you still love me?”

When Killian nods, she kisses him again.

--

One Year Later

Milah breezes into Killian’s store with a smile on her face and a large envelope tucked under her arm. She feels lighter since she left her ex-husband, lighter still here in this store. As the place where she met the man of her dreams and made so many happy memories with him, it feels like as much of a home as either of their apartments.

“Hello and welcome -” Killian breaks off the generic greeting when he looks up and sees that it’s her. His entire face lights up. “Milah!” Milah will never grow tired of that look, that enthusiasm, the knowledge that as happy as she is to see him, he feels the same.

They share a quick kiss across the counter before Milah circles around to join him behind it. “I brought you something,” she says, holding out the envelope. Killian opens it carefully, pulling out a drawing to match the one she’d given him so long ago. It’s a drawing of her again, in the same red outfit on the deck of a pirate ship, only this time she’s nestled into the side of a dark-haired man in a long black coat, their arms wrapping tenderly around each other.

The woman in the picture is no longer alone. Now, she has someone to love and care for her. And for once the scene of happiness for her drawn-self isn’t a bittersweet depiction of something Milah can only long for. Because now she has someone to love and care for her in real life, too.