#did some online shopping without getting anything just to try and feel something

[polyamorouspunk]

❤️

🖤

[mixingpumpkins]

Man, we really lost when we decided that the best way to feel safe or to try to prevent bad things from happening is to assume malicious intent from everyone and police every little fucking thing about existing.

Want to go shopping? You'll be treated like a thief. Security cameras, anti-theft sensors by the door, and a staff that may or may not follow you around isn't enough; we're also putting security tags on every single piece of $4 underwear in the bargain bin and keeping everything on the shelves under lock and key, so you can't even look at it without staff assistance/supervision. No, cameras and staff monitoring checkouts isn't enough. We also need someone else searching your bags and verifying your receipts at the door. (And god help you if a security sensor somewhere didn't get deactivated properly and the door alarm goes off.)

Are you a student taking an exam? We've already decided you're a cheater. Of course you are — all students cheat. So you get assigned, spaced out seats in the testing room, surrounded by cameras. Show us your photo ID at the door. Nothing goes in the room with you but your pencil. Leave your phone, wallet, water, and anything else in a locker outside. All your jewelry, too. No long sleeves. Let us check your hair/headbands/pockets/ears/religious garb in case you're smuggling something in. Need to leave for the restroom? No, you don't, or your exam is done. Emergency? You can choose between literally shitting yourself or failing your course and risking expulsion for cheating.

Online exam? Prepare to be subject to literal spyware. Your eyes better not waver a fraction out of the "acceptable" gaze window. Don't press any button you're not supposed to or mis-click anything; that's proof you're trying to cheat. Don't even think about shifting in your seat, even if your test is two hours long.

Do you work? It'd better be at top speed and no errors at all times. We have security cameras trained on you every moment, sensitive enough to read the text of any paper you handle. We're tracking exactly what you do and how fast. Did your metrics slip for even a second? Unacceptable, even if your rate is otherwise within our "acceptable" range, because we know you can work faster. Yawn? How dare you — we don't pay you to be tired. You're not working hard enough. You must not have enough to do — your requirements have now tripled and we've cut your pay as an incentive not to waste time again. Make a mistake? You must have done it on purpose. You must be trying to steal or sabotage. We'll be evaluating to see how quickly we can fire you and if we can press charges or sue you for damages.

Need to travel via plane? It doesn't matter if you're paying through the nose to do so; you're clearly a criminal who's only not committing a crime at this very moment because you're outnumbered by security officers. We need to question you excessively if you don't look exactly like your ID picture taken three years ago. Take off half your clothes and walk through our scanners that will basically show you without them. (Then prepare to be wanded, and possibly groped — maybe even by more than one person — and if we really feel like it, taken to another room to be stripped and questioned further.) You can't take some necessities with you. Your belongings will be x-rayed and pawed through and commented upon, and they're maybe even a reason to detain and question you further. Why does your purse have suspicious organic matter in it? No, that can't possibly be a bag of fruit snacks you bought from the kiosk 20 feet away; you're trying to hide explosives.

Need medication? You're lying. You're faking. You're just trying to get drugs. You're an addict. You're a dealer. No, you don't have a condition that really requires medication; if you just slept more/lost weight/did yoga/were a better person, you wouldn't have to feel like you need to use drugs. We don't care if your doctor says you need this medication — your insurance company says you don't. Oh, you can afford it anyway? At that price? You must be reselling. We need to investigate and put notes on your file.

Communicating via message? God forbid you take even a fraction of a second too long to respond. You must be trying to hide something. You're slacking off your work. You must be cheating on your partner. You must have a problem with the sender and are leaving them out of something. You left them on read; you're being a bitch. You edited a response or took too long to type something — you're actually being mean and manipulative by not just saying what was on your mind first. Company policy is we get to see everything on your devices. You shouldn't have a problem sharing your personal location/passwords/etc. with your partner if you're not up to no good.

Want to simply exist where a stranger might see you? That's suspicious. What are you doing out here? We don't recognize you. You must be stealing. You must be casing the houses or stores in this neighborhood. You must be looking for someone to rob/assault/harass/etc. You must be part of that rabble claiming they're protesting to cover up the nuisances and criminals they are. Why did you hold a door for me — are you trying to get behind me? Why have I seen you more than once while I'm shopping here — are you following me? Why did you smile at me — do you have a problem? Why are you walking down the street? Why are you sitting on a bench? Why are you visiting the library? Why are you eating alone at the cafe? You don't look like you belong here. You look like a creep. You need the police to come handle you. (If they use force, that just shows you were up to something and totally deserve it.)

Want to exist online? We need to know everything about you — your real name, address, email, age — to ensure you're not a criminal. But you're probably also lying. We need to spy on everything you do, too: every site you visit (and how long you spend there), every purchase you make, every message you send, every search you do. We will take everything you say in bad faith, so be careful about what you post. But it's also extremely suspicious if you don't post — who doesn't have an extensive social media presence these days? What are you trying to hide? You need to indicate that you think the right way. You aren't posting about this — you must not care; you must be a bad person. You deleted an old post — you must be trying to hide your awful views. You can't possibly just be removing things from your profile that no longer reflect who you are. You posted something that I don't like — I knew there was something off about you. It's not a leap to think you're also into worse things. You're probably a pervert. You're actually a criminal of the worst sort and this is an early warning sign for those of us who are smart enough to see it. We're only accusing you of these things NOW so you don't have an opportunity to do them.

Didn't you know? You need to be constantly watched and humiliated and inconvenienced and sometimes even attacked because that's the only thing standing in the way of bad things happening. If you find all this demeaning, there's something wrong with you. Only criminals would rather trade this for being less safe. You don't want us to go from thinking you're a criminal to knowing you're a criminal, do you?

...

Like, fuck. Aren't you tired of living like this???

Some of this stuff has been around for a long time, and it obviously isn't applied evenly across all demographics. But a lot of it has also gotten exponentially worse within the past few decades. Please don't ever accept any of this as normal or necessary or good, because it's not. I'm going insane watching people shrugging off the increasing infantilization and dehumanization of everyone just because this is all they can remember.

It doesn't have to be this way. Don't ever take this shit as a given — it wasn't that long ago that some of this would have been unthinkable. And the instant someone starts talking about doing things a certain way/supporting certain things because of "safety" or "security," be very careful about blindly agreeing with them. We lose very real, important things in pursuit of the nebulous concept of "safety."

[that-trans-autistic-guy]

why i love the edwin-crystal sibling like relationship from memory and why it makes me love crystal even more

there simply isn't enough online about 1. how awesome crystal is as a character and 2. how awesome her and edwin's relationship is. so imma dump all my thoughts here from pure memory.

ep1: so yeah, they start rough. but when jenny points out to crystal that she's so focused on her own problems that she's ignoring everyone else's, just like how she said the boys did, she resolves to change that. she realized she was being unfair because it was pointed out and she decided to try and be better. when edwin breaks down, she's listening. she's listening and understanding. she tells this boy, who has not been the nicest to her but she's beginning to understand, that she gets it. that she sees him, that his unnoticed death matters to her. she sees the sharp, jagged, raw and emotional parts of a boy that she'd only seen as cold and logical thus far. and when his unusually timid voice asks if they can focus on becky's case, she agrees. in the butcher shop, she offers to once again explain the internet to edwin. implying that she'd already done so. and she says it without any condescendence. when she's knocked to the ground, edwin helps her up and they sort of cling to each other as charles is reckless.

ep2: not as much here from what i remember but there's still some stuff. edwin does actually commend her actions in luring the sprites out, followed by telling her not to do it again. from an emotionally repressed boy from a time when fixing each other's clothes was the most intimate thing you could do in public, thats quite a big step.

ep3: one of my personal faves. crystal is quick to point out that edwin is jealous of her and charles. she does actually assure him that nothing would happen and its just a small show of her care for his feelings. now, in the house, do they bicker and argue? yes they do. but i would argue that most of that is fueled by their anxiety and fear for charles. when crystal points out that charles has issues, he ultimately listens. its shown immediately the next ep when he tries to be better and offer himself as a safe space, something he wouldn't have thought to do without crystal's guidance. when they actually work together, its incredible. crystal literally fights her own personal demon to get back to the boys. edwin is trusting her enough to openly admit that he has no idea how a vhs works and trusts her to put in the work to save his person. when she's in danger, he pulls her out because he cares and she's given him reason to. she doesn't question when she comes out from her own head and edwin immediately asks for help, something he almost never does. when she talks about how she's a bad person, edwin immediately tells her that she isn't. he wastes no time in assuring her that she couldn't be anything but the person she is now. she also points out the moment charles' mask goes right back up and offers a lot of insight to edwin. because edwin hasn't really had a friend before charles and charles was already doing this when they met. he had no reason to think that it wasn't a normal thing. but crystal points it out and he notices, he listens and he learns.

ep4: this is another one i dont particularly remember much of these two from. the ep starts with edwin asking if charles wanted to talk about his father, something he never would have done without crystal's guidance. when edwin tells crystal and charles to go off together, she asks him if he's ok, which in the moment, is said in a somewhat joking tone. but once he's gone, she asks charles about it because she's concerned about him and she knows him well enough to know something's wrong. when she's angry that the washer woman didn't give her an answer, he apologizes genuinely because he does want the best for her.

ep5: this ep starts off with a lot of emotional maturity from crystal. she admits that she isn't in the right space to start a relationship and i'll be honest, i hadn't seen that from a show before. made me love her even more. one of my favorite moments of the show is them haunting twitchy ritchy. when he makes deprecating and homophobic 'jokes', crystal is quick to shut him down. and i would argue that she knew edwin was gay, i'd argue for hours. she notices his distress and immediately shuts the dude down, and hard. in return, when ritchy tries to be intimidating, edwin is the first to step in. he extinguishes the flame with a satisfied lil smirk and crystal didn't even have to look over to know that he would step in. and we don't really see it, but i'd bet watching edwin do childish little haunting things probably made her smile. it's a scene i think about all the time. when edwin shoos them away from the summoning and charles questions his choice, crystal sticks up for the decision. its small and unintentional, but there is an aspect where she admits that he's right. something she wouldn't do if she didn't like him and respect him. and when edwin realizes that marin killed the jocks, he's rushing out behind charles. hell it looks like he's pushing him forward to get them downstairs. crystal emphasizes at the end that she sympathizes with the boys, that it was a shitty thing to have in common that they were all victims. yet she offers her sympathy nonetheless. and when edwin says he's had enough emotion for the day, she isn't offended that he wasn't receptive or anything like that. she just smiles, knowing that he really can't handle a lot of emotions and she knows that he doesn't mean anything negative by it. she shows that she understands him and that she doesn't judge who he is.

ep6: when crystal loses her powers, she's scared to tell edwin. she says that she's afraid that he would consider her useless and toss her aside. but that stems from the fact that she really values him as a friend and is scared of being abandoned by the only people she has. and when edwin finds out, he is shocked sure but he's also concerned. he insists that he wouldn't have left her behind and she tells him that he would. its an emotional moment for her and i wouldn't write off that she's just really defensive in the moment. when she sees the boys in trouble, about to be dead-dead, that's when she regains her abilities because she cares about both of the boys and gods be damned if she's gonna let a witch tear them from her. and as the walk back, she leans into charles because she knows edwin doesn't like touch. but he's still right behind her, still nearby and offering silent support. and he goes the step of naming one of their plans after her, plain and simple. she shows her appreciation in the same slightly sarcastic tone they use with each other all the time.

ep7: so many thoughts. the second she finds out that edwin is in hell, she's already resolved to go get him. she has known the boy for a few weeks at most and she cares so much and is so selfless that she doesn't hesitate to volunteer to go to actual fucking hell. when she's told she can't? she tracks down her abusive demon ex who has literally tormented and plagued her mind nonstop. she walks right into his domain and demands he open her a door to hell. literally demands the person who has ruined her life to let her into hell to rescue her friend. when he refuses? she's ready to throw hands and doesn't hesitate to do so. and when the boys come back? yes, she does hug charles and not edwin, but she knows that isn't his thing. but when it cuts back to the teens after the night nurse speaks, you see her arm falling from edwin's. even though he hates hugs and she knows it, she still reached out and held his arm to show how happy she was that he was there, that he was safe. because even though he doesn't hug, she still needed to show him she was happy he was back. she talks about how she fought david and edwin expresses surprise and concern. her retort? 'it was the funniest thing. my friend got dragged to hell and i just had to try and help him.' she doesn't even think about hiding how much she cares and edwin's little smile just confirms how much it means to him.

ep8: when she's recovering her memories, edwin is there. he's watching over her with charles and that just hits something in me. he must have spent so long in the dollhouse exhausted, hoping someone would watch over him so he could be safe and rest. and when crystal is vulnerable, he's doing it. he watches over her as she calls her parents and the second she says that they didn't care, he is insisting that there must be some kind of explanation. every time she wakes up after eating the memory orbs, he rushing to her right beside charles. and i'd bet my bottom dollar he was stressed the whole time she was out. when crystal leaves, edwin does offer her a handshake. she jokes about how he's changed, how he's gotten friendlier, and he jokes back, even throwing in a reference to hell. it's a sweet little interaction and it shows their friendship and familiarity. esther takes the boys and she doesn't hesitate to work a way to get them back. she goes right to the cat king and argues that edwin is her friend and tck should help them because he has personal interest. she charges right into esther's house and already has a plan in place. she spends a minute on charles because she knows edwin's in danger and his screams are fucking unbearable. she offers herself as a distraction so niko can free edwin. when she's pinned against the wall, she scream-pleads for edwin to hold on and it is full of desperation, because she needs her friend to be okay. that scream haunts my mind because she is scared and she knows he is too, and she needs him to hold on and be okay. and when niko 'dies', they are huddled over her body and mourning together. in the end, edwin gives her a professional offer for her to have a permanent place with the agency. and this girl, so naturally full of love and affection, hugs him with a massive smile on her face. because she's been looking for people to belong with and she's found em and they want her around. and she's gonna do anything she can to hold onto them, come hell, demons or high water.

basically, crystal is beyond amazing and her sibling relationship with edwin is my favorite. if you don't like her, argue with the goddamn wall.

[sturniozo]

Tutor Part Five

NOT PROOFREAD

masterlist

It’s the weekend after the game and I can’t help but lay in bed and do nothing. What do I even do? I could study or read,

I could play video games or shop online. I probably shouldn’t shop online though. I end up blowing my whole paycheck each time.

No, the options were not suitable. There was only one thing I really wanted to do and that was hang out with Chris. It’s crazy to me, I usually want to be around Nick, since he’s my best friend. But this time all I can think about is Chris.

Did he really mean it when he said he wanted to hang out this weekend? I guess there’s only one way to find out. I’d have to text him and ask.

Text him.

Just text him.

I stare at my phone, screaming internally to get myself to text him. But I just stay staring at my phone.

Text him.

TEXT HIM.

I sigh. It’s not going to happen. I lay back down on my bed, but as soon as my head hits the pillow my phone starts to ring. I jolt up and slip off my bed, landing on the floor. I pluck my phone from my bed and answer the call without even getting off the floor or looking at who called me?

“Hello?” I ask.

“Hey, y/n you free tonight?” Chris. Damn the butterflies in my stomach. God how do I respond? I need to think of something. Yes I’m free, I’m always free on weekends. Of course I’m free.

“Not really.”

What the fuck.

“Oh damn, I thought you’d wanna hang out tonight. Come over and watch a movie with me, Matt and Nick.”

I can. I totally can. I’d love to, in fact.

“Sorry, I can’t tonight.”

You fucking liar.

“That’s too bad. What are you doing tonight?”

Great. Just great. What are you gonna say to that?

“Just stuff.”

I have no words for how stupid I am.

“Stuff, really? Stuff that’s so important you can’t do it later and come watch a movie with us?”

No, it’s not important it’s nothing.

“Yep.”

I hate myself.

“Well. I see. I’ll talk to you later then.”

Don’t go.

“Yep. Bye Chris.”

He hangs up and I throw my phone. I roll over on the floor and cover my face with my hands.

God I’m a dumbass.

Before I can do anything else my phone rings again. This time I’m smart enough to check who’s calling.

Nick.

God now I’m in trouble. I answer it quickly and before I can say anything Nick speaks.

“You’re not busy doing ‘stuff’ what the fuck are you blowing us off for?” He says bitterly.

“Nothing. I don’t know why I said any of that I just… It was Chris that asked and I wasn’t thinking and-“

“He thinks you hate him.”

“I don’t hate him.”

“I know you’re obsessed with him. You have a shrine to him in your closet.”

“I do not. Shut up.”

“Come watch the damn movie with us. Spend the night.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“You better some up with something good to spare Chris’s feelings.”

“Tell him I’m sorry.” I beg.

“Just come over and do it yourself.” Nick says before hanging up.

I get to their house and know on the door. I’m almost immediately greeted by Chris.

“Hey, y/n!” He says as he smiles at me. He steps back to let me in the house. I walk in and he closes the door behind me.

We walk into the kitchen where Nick and Matt are preparing snacks.

“Y/n you’re here!” Nick says. He holds up the bowl of popcorn. “Ready for movie night?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” I respond. We all walk to the living room and sit down on the couch. Matt puts on the movie they had pulled up and ready.

Chris sits next to me and places his arm over my shoulders. I try to stay calm and look as if it doesn’t affect me.

Throughout the movie Chris continues to scoot closer and closer to me, until his arm is wrapped fully around my waist and has me pulled so the sides of our bodies are pressed together. My face is covered with blush so I try to hide my face from his view so he doesn’t know how much he affects me.

Movie night lasts for three more movies, and by then it’s 3 am. Matt went to bed in the middle of the last movie, unable to hold out tho whole time. At the end of the last movie, Chris stands up and holds his hand out for me.

At this point i was tired and groggy. I take Chris’s hand without a second thought.

“Wanna go sleep in my room tonight?” He mumbles close to my ear as his arm wraps around my waist, keeping me steady.

This catches me off guard, and I look up at him in shock. “Wh-what? I thought I was gonna sleep in Nicks room, like always.”

“Nicks cool with it, aren’t you Nick?”

“It’s whatever.” Nick replies. Chris turns back to me.

“See, he’s cool with it.”

“But… I’m not.” I say and look down.

“Is this about what I said yesterday after the game? I didn’t mean it like that, I swear. I’d never objectify you like that. I just meant, y’know, you looked hot.”

“Chris it’s not about that.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, I just… I’d rather sleep in Nick’s room.”

“Oh. I just thought. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I would just rather be with my best friend tonight.”

“Maybe some other night then?”

“Maybe.”

“Okay well, goodnight y/n.”

“Goodnight Chris.”

Chris walks off to his bedroom and I join Nick going to his. I sit down on his bed.

“Hey, are you uncomfortable with Chris? I can talk to him for you.” Nick says to me as he sits next to me on his bed.

“I’m not uncomfortable… I was just caught off guard. I like him.”

“He likes you.” Nick tells me.

“He just likes women.”

“True, but he likes you especially. When you tried to blow him off this morning he came to me like a sick kid begging me to get you to come.”

I giggle at the thought of Chris begging Nick for anything. “But Chris isn’t a boyfriend guy, you know that.” I lean back on the bed.

“He’s always like you though. When I first introduced you to him he was obsessed. I’m not kidding. He wouldn’t shut up about you for weeks. Always asked me when you’d be coming over.”

“But that was four years ago.”

“And? He’s doing it again.”

“But he stopped for so long in between?”

Nick sighs “You always focus on the wrong parts, y/n!” He shakes his head and groans. “Do you want pajamas or a shirt or something to sleep in?”

I nod. He goes to his closet and gives me a shirt and sweatpants. I go to his bathroom and change. I come back out and get into his bed under the covers. Nick shuts off the lights and gets into bed as well.

“Night y/n”

“Goodnight Nick.”

Tag list : @freshloveforthefit @sturniolo14 @sturniolosreads @bethsturn @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @dwalk41202

[an-idyllic-novelist]

Queen Bee-zlebub with gender neutral!reader platonic headcanons

warnings: alcohol and drug usage, non-consensual behavior, explicit language.

This is a fictional story, therefore the behavior portrayed here is not acceptable in real life. If you do not feel comfortable venturing further, please push the 'back' button on your mobile device or computer and find something else much more pleasant to read.

You are responsible for your Internet consumption!

Hey guys, and welcome to my first Helluva boss fanfic! I'd like to thank @thatstonedwriter for not only reading the draft of this piece, but also giving me feedback on the parts I initially struggled with writing out. Definitely check out their Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss content guys, it is amazing!

So with that being said, sit back, relax, and let's get this party started! :)

Being Beezle-bub’s friend definitely makes life in Hell interesting for you. Not only is she the Deadly Sin of Gluttony, but her parties are legendary; you never leave on an empty stomach, or feel dissatisfied.

 Her power comes from her guest’s good vibes, so she knows if they are enjoying themselves or things are getting out of control, leaving her no choice but to step in and remedy the situation before the party’s mood goes sideways in the worst way possible. Case in point with Blitzø at Bee’s last party. He drank in the name of the sin of pride, instead of indulgence. 

You met Queen Bee in her mansion during one of her weekend parties; nothing special, really. You were having a good time and challenged her to a friendly drinking contest. Loser would buy drinks next time they met. You didn’t win, but you came pretty damn close and thanked the Deadly Sin for indulging your whims, promising to buy her a drink when you met each other next time. 

Polite, easygoing, and cheerful without a stick up your ass? You definitely won some brownie points with Queen Bee. More kudos would be earned if you’re honest with her. 

Before the night was over, she invited you to a more exclusive party she’d be hosting in the following weeks. She will immediately follow you online if you have any social media accounts. Sinstagram is her main one to advertise her Beezle-juice and other products. Party invitations? Nope. Sorry, but those are her rules. You gotta know someone to come to her events, or know her to get permission to set a single foot on her property. She can’t keep stealing large quantities of drugs from Belphegor or else that asshole will keep changing the locks on her. 

When you weren’t getting drunk or high as a kite with the Deadly Sin, you’d meet up somewhere in the Gluttony Ring and grab a drink. That’s actually what happened first, since you did promise to buy her shots after losing the drinking contest with her. From there, you’d either trade gossip at the local coffee shop that’s known for their killer frappuccinos, or just go window shopping.

If you see something you like, clothes, booze, or anything else? She’ll buy it as long as you come to her next party like you said you would. If you can’t make it because of work? She gets it, but just let her know as soon as you do, okay? She is a busy lady after all. 

She’s all for fucking and getting fucked at her parties, but she shares Ozzie’s philosophy that consent makes it an art form. Non-con shit like drugging drinks or pushing someone into something they aren't down to doing? And someone pulls that kind of stunt on you, her bestie? Yeah, that son of a bitch is yeeted out of the goddamned window faster before anyone can blink and the party's over. 

Vortex would definitely be happy to see you around the dance floor. Other than himself, you’re probably the only person that can calm down Bee if she’s super upset or angry. If you have time before you go home, you help him out with cleaning up the place or getting some hangover remedies prepped up in the kitchen for the the guests that were too fucked up to go home. 

 She’s definitely trying to reign in her temper, but it can be hard for her. When she gets in one of those dark moods, you’re only a phone call away, like you always tell her. And when she does call? You’re there in a heartbeat, or talk to her until she can finally relax and fall asleep. 

Yeah…she’s really glad she met you. 

Taglist:

@myafterlifeisbetterthenyours

@nunezs-stuff

@mitra555

@isuckatwritingsobenice

@nixie-writes

@vikkirosko

@abelheilonwife

@puffy-bangs

@technikerin23

[mxtantrights]

the shopping incident

this is a snippet from the famous dc! au that started with The Greatest Hits [read here] you don't have to read it but a lot of things would make sense if you do!

The whole pap thing started happening after there was buzz about the video with you and Jason. You know that Jason said his brother handled it as best he could online but these things have a way of rearing its ugly head anyways.

Which is why you can't leave the thrift store you are in now because there is a small swarm of paparazzi outside waiting and biding their time. They wanna ask you about the video, they wanna ask you about Jason. They wanna take a picture of you when they do so they can say they caught you off guard.

You don't know what else to do besides not leave. Leaving means facing the wrath of camera lenses and mics and hidden mics and raunchy questions and baseball capped people trying to make a living off your privacy.

So, with not know what to do you call the only person you know who can help you. You tap away on your phone until you get to his contact and then you send him a text.

you: tips on how to deal with paps?

Three ellipses show up hurriedly. You're not sure what Jason's up to these days but he's probably busy. It makes you feel guilty for even reaching out to him. You want to unsend the text but you can't, he's already seen it.

Jason: are you okay?

you: yeah yeah, just wondering how I can get from this store to my car without doing anything stupid.

Jason: just don't answer anything. are you alone?

you: yeah I just wanted to look in this store for a moment but I forgot I wasn't exactly a browse-in-the-store normal person.

Jason: happens to the best of us

you: including you?

Jason: well with a face like this I kinda can't forget I'm not normal

you: how do you walk around with a head that large?

You laugh at his joke. And when you pick your head up you are face to face with a man. A regular looking man, about your height. He's got a smile on his face.

"Sorry I'm not here to intrude or anything, I just wanted to know if you are gonna buy something?" he asks.

That's when you look down at his shirt. More specifically the tag on his shirt that reads: Manager and his name underneath the title, Ron.

You take a deep breath, "You know what, I really was looking around and I saw some things that I liked but the group outside is really getting to me."

He nods his head as if he understands. In your mind you think, maybe he does. This is California, he's most likely had this shop for a while now. He has to know what it's like. Yeah.

"Well you're free to wait them out however long you want, I just don't have a back-door option at the moment since construction is happening in the next building over." he explains.

Well, there goes any plan of sneaking out of here. You choke down a sigh and smile anyways.

"Thanks Ron. I think I should shop anyways, why let them get the best of me?" you rhetorically ask.

He gives you a thumbs up and then he's walking away to assist another customer. You look back down at your phone. Its on silent meaning you didn't see all the texts coming through from Jason.

Jason: learned from my father

Jason: you should ask the owner if theres a backdoor.

Jason: I promise it's not a big deal hun

Jason: hey?

Jason: Did something happen??

Jason: Hello??

You are quick to reply back, worried that you made him sick with his own worry.

you: Sorry was talking with the owner. no back door.

Jason: that's okay. do you wanna wait it out?

you: honestly no. I'm hungry and I have food at home waiting for me

Jason: okay pick up the phone

You're confused why he says that. Then that confusion is met with realization when his caller ID pops up on your phone. You hit accept faster than you have before and raise your phone to your ear.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asks.

You snicker, "Oh I'm feeling like I'm in a gilded cage. How's your afternoon?"

"Well I was stuck in a meeting for this role I didn't want so thanks for getting me out of that." he answers.

With the phone tucked into your ear by your shoulder you can look around the store now. Its filled with things that you like. Trinkets that couldn't be explained in your home, shoes that you have no business wearing. Things like that.

"You keep calling me when you're busy and people are gonna think I'm the bad guy." you speak.

On the other end you can hear him laugh. A sound you like to hear, a sound you miss not being on set with him for a while now. That's soon to change with pre-production ending in the coming weeks and filming set to start in a month after if all goes well.

In front of you is an assortment of things. Your hand reaches for a motorcycle helmet first. It's a cherry red color. And it's a bit scraped up but you think that adds to the velour of it all. It's funky looking. You have no use for this other than it would look bad ass in your home.

"Too bad. Anyways, when do you plan on leaving?" he asks.

You pick up the helmet and examine it with both hands now. It's not shiny, but you can see your reflection in it nonetheless. Pretty cool.

"As soon as I finish what I came here to do, which is shop." you answer.

"Do tell, is this the sexy time kind of shopping or is this groceries?"

You laugh and place the helmet back carefully. Your hand reaches for the next thing. A green book that looks worn out a bit but still in good condition. You read the spine and your eyes go wide.

Oh this is gonna be good.

"I'm not buying anything you can think dirty thoughts about you creep. Besides I think groceries can be sexy." you reply.

"Very sexy hun." he retorts.

You grab the book with your hand and walk over to the register. This was it. You needed something to say that you weren't unnerved by the paps outside, that they didn't manage to derail your plans. And you needed also to get the hell out of here.

So you slide the book onto the cashier table.

"Hey are you still free two weeks from now?" you ask.

"Yeah, I thought we had plans." he answers.

"We do, we do. But maybe we just move them to somewhere private." you speak.

"Of course, we can. Your place or mine?" He asks now.

You realize how you might answer in the privacy of your own home is a bit scandalous for the public setting you're in right now. So you erase the joke you have for him in your head and go for something appropriate.

"Mine." you say simply.

You sigh out your wallet from your bag. The cashier prompts you for your card and you give it to them. A quick swipe and then your book is getting wrapped and put into a regular brown back.

"Good. Tell me when you're about to leave." he says.

"I'm checking out at the register now." you answer.

The cashier gives you your card back first. You put it back into your wallet and drop it into your bag. Then you are handed the shopping bag.

"Okay stay on the phone with me when you walk out." Jason says.

You mumble a thank you to the cashier. And then you gussy up the courage to walk out the front door. You opt to hold your phone up to your ear, giving your shoulder a break.

"Walking out now." you say as you push open the glass door.

As soon as the California air hits you, the cameras do too. The questions are shouted. Yelled. Thrown at you. You keep your head down a bit. Where you parked your car is at the forefront of your mind.

So much so that you don't fully register what Jason is saying to you on the other end of the phone. You just hum along until you are finally at your car. Then you unlock your doors, set the bag down in the passenger seat and get inside.

The car door closes and you let out a breath. The paps are still outside but they are immediately less loud. And they can't come in here. Some seem to back off a bit.

"Okay?" you finally hear Jason ask.

"Yeah yeah, I'm in my car now. I'm good." you speak.

"Good. Good. Okay. Do you want me to let you go now?" he asks.

You put your phone on speaker and put it into the cup holder. Silently you let out a ragged breath. It's rough and you sit back into your seat.

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine." you answer.

"Text me if you're not. And text me when you get home." Jason says.

"I will. Thanks again Jay."

"No problem. Gotta go."

"Alright, bye."

Your phone buzzes. Call disconnected. Your mind is able to calm down now being in the vehicle of transportation to get you away from the madness. And after hearing Jason-wait a minute.

That's when it hits you. Jason. Jason, on the phone. As you were walking out to your car in the flurry of paps, questions and snapping cameras, he called you something.

He called you baby.

[paigenoelchas-blog]

****

Meet-Cute

Jake had never been good at giving gifts. The loss of his mother at an early age deprived him of learning many skills required for such a task. Every time the need came up, he thought about what to buy and ordered it online only to rethink the gift before it even arrived. Often he bought two or three items and rejected them all, instead purchasing a gift card. He knew it was impersonal, but at least they could get what they wanted.

His lack of confidence in this area was the only time he felt ill-equipped to conquer anything that was directed at him. Jake had succeeded in foster care despite many years of torment. He learned at an early age that he had a knack for computers. Despite the fact that he had been socially awkward, he managed to find friends and a place among the misfits as well as the popular kids. Jake had earned scholarships to several of the most prestigious schools in America and even a couple overseas.

It was Jake's last year in college when he had a dream job lined up upon graduation and a small group of close friends when a strange text popped up on his phone, one that changed everything. He had a sister, two in fact. Apparently, the women had tracked him down in an effort to develop a relationship. They were older, though not by much. Hannah, the oldest had been the one to contact him first. She was sweet and lovely. He liked her instantly. They talked like they had known each other for their entire lives. Lily was the oldest and at first, she was quiet and distrustful having no idea who Jake was or what effect he could have on her or her sister. Jake understood. They had both put in work at developing a friendship and an eventual love for each other.

This Christmas was the right time to meet them. It had been two years of almost daily texts and a handful of video chats. The siblings needed to see each other in person and the women agreed when he brought up the subject. He would travel to Duskwood, a small town in Massachusetts to meet them in two weeks.

Jake wanted to see them, look into their eyes, and find similarities in their being. He couldn't wait to give them a hug, to remember what it felt like to be part of a family. It was something that he hadn't felt since his mother passed when he was ten. Something that he didn't think he needed or wanted or missed until they came along.

His sisters, Hannah and Lily, had just sent the text confirming the date of the trip. He had booked a flight a few days early in order to get a feel for the town and relieve some of the awkwardness that would inevitably be a part of their first meeting. While he was confident in their meeting and in his ability to adapt and be likable, he also knew that he needed some time to prepare for the emotions that would undoubtedly surface.

He also needed to bring gifts and these could not be gift cards. The idea that he had to come up with something wonderful for them was imposing and unfortunate. So, when he walked into the shop on the corner, his head hung a little lower than usual and his feet drug along the ground as if his body was trying to retreat.

He slugged around the store touching a few things here and there, but not really noticing much. He regarded a lovely set of gloves and picked them up just to set them down again quickly. He noticed a candle that was particularly fragrant and sighed without even leaning in to take in the candle's scent completely. He rubbed a bit of fabric on a lavender dress as he walked past. His eyes barely took in the sight of it.

It took a moment before Jake lifted his eyes to see all of the things around him. When he did, he noticed that the store was light and filled with warmth. Soft sage paint swathed the room in color and vibrancy, but somehow still had a calming effect. The shop's location on the corner allowed a great deal of light to flow in from the outside and though it was winter and quite dreary somehow everything in this place made him feel comfortable and somehow surrounded by warmth.

The clothing was placed as if in a showroom rather than a small shop, hanging from various racks with ample space between them. Gold-edged floor-length mirrors flanked the walls and eclectic gold and white tables and shelves held a myriad of accessories, from the basic black to the most vibrant of hues. Jake had no idea where to start and was about to walk out when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Sir? Can I help you find something?" Spinning around, Jake landed his gaze on the most beautiful green eyes that he had ever seen. Something happened to him that had never happened before--he couldn't think of a thing to say. Could he admit that she may be the something that he was hoping to find? No, he could not. Instead, he tried to find a way to keep her talking a little longer and get those gifts he was after. Though, at the moment, he couldn't decipher which task was the most important.

Finally realizing that he had been standing in silence simply staring at her and those gorgeous eyes, he cleared his throat, "I may actually need some help. I have to find the perfect gifts, but I have no idea what I am doing or where to begin. I have many skills, but shopping is not one of them." He lowered his head without failing to notice how her long honey-colored hair spun in curls around her shoulders and the way that her smile peeked out of her vermilion lips.

"Perfect gifts," she spoke in a conspiratorial way and took his hand, pulling him to the back of the shop, "are exactly why I am here. I was made to help handsome men, such as yourself, find the best gift for the people they care about." Confidence and sunshine oozed out of her.

Usually, her perky attitude would have frustrated him, but the wink that she gave him and the way she grabbed his hand unabashedly provoked and intrigued him.

"So you think I am handsome?" Jake asked, prodding her.

"You know that you are," she smiled. He was both proud of the compliment and embarrassed that he had asked, She continued without pause, "but we have a task to accomplish. Who are you buying a gift for?"

As she spoke, she directed him to a mismatched pair of chairs, one a rich tan leather and the other an uncompromising buttery velvet. These two chairs shouldn't belong together, but when they sat around the ornate table everything seemed to match.

He pondered meeting such a person in a place like this. She was beautiful, but she was also more than that. She was inviting and warm. Her clothes were vibrant and alive, but her aura was calm and gentle. He hadn't known so many things could define one person.

Jake had been thinking for a bit, thinking about her and this place that was so different from the world outside He had been thinking a little too long when he thought he should answer before she believed him to be a lunatic. "The gifts are for my sisters, whom I have never met. I have been talking to them for the last couple of years and..."

"Wait," she interrupted and leaned in, clearly intrigued, "you have never met your sisters?"

He was pleased that she was interested and wanted to chat a bit. He decided to push things a little further, "I am fine with the personal questions, but I need to know your name first."

"What a cheap way to find out my name. You get me all interested and then refuse to divulge more information. Tricky. I will tell you if you tell me your name first." She winked, but he knew that he would tell her anything that she asked for.

"Jacob...Jake," he stuttered.

"I am Macie, nice to meet you, Jake," Her voice was softer as she spoke. Their eyes met for a moment and then as if she had to pull away, she brought the formality back to her voice and said, "Now about those sisters?"

He explained the situation and when they decided to meet. He explained how he stumbled on this store and how she was his only hope for a stress-free meeting. She listened intently, her emerald eyes focused wholly on him. He could feel her interest, both in his story and in his person. The tension between them had become palpable. She leaned in closer as he spoke and he found himself mimicking her posture in response.

They were in a world entirely their own when she broke the repose, "You, Sir, are very interesting aren't you?" She stood up and walked across the room, touching his shoulder as she passed him. "You sit right there. I think I have the perfect things for Hannah and Lily."

He was impressed that she remembered their names. He was impressed by everything he knew of her. She flitted around the store occasionally asking what colors Hannah would like or if he had noticed anything in the background on the video chats? She even asked how he liked his coffee, though Jake didn't see the importance of that question.

He answered her questions but offered nothing in the way of help except a focused gaze that followed her as she flitted around from table to table and rack to rack filling some impressive baskets with personal selections. She had a lovely figure and a butt that he could only dream of getting his hands on. Jake knew that she was aware of his admiration and she flaunted it. She was unashamed.

He had completely lost track of time when she placed one basket and then the other on the table in front of him and returned to her velvet chair. On her way to her throne, the smell of her floral perfume met his nose. It filled his senses and his brain with thoughts that he was having a hard time reeling in.

"What do you think?" Macie asked, eager to hear his opinion.

Words stumbled out before he had the chance to think. "You are beautiful...I mean... What are you asking?... the presents?" He could feel the heat rise on his cheeks and pinched his arm hoping to squelch the red quickly forming on his cheeks.

She smiled and he forgot himself for a moment. Then just as quickly, he managed to pull his focus off of her and onto the baskets that she had prepared. They were incredible and filled with several items of clothing, as well as scarves and mittens, lotions, and candles. Each basket was a little different and met the unique interests of each woman. He would have never been able to pull off such wonderful creations.

He touched a few items and admired the thoughtful and skilled gifts that she had presented. "They are exactly perfect." He wanted to say more, to tell her that she was indeed also exactly perfect as far as he could tell and that he had to see her again and not in such a place but rather on a proper date, with flowers to match the blush of her cheeks and candles to make the light dance in her eyes. He couldn't say those things of course. He settled on "It is amazing that you made these based off of a fifteen-minute conversation."

"I told you that you were interesting. I hung on your every word." She met his eyes and gave a shy smile. "I have been doing this for a couple of years professionally and many years before that. I have always been good at shopping and fitting the right gift for the right person. My friends always had me do their Christmas shopping."

He admired her confidence. Most people didn't acknowledge the things that they could do well. Somehow that made her all the more attractive to him.

"Indeed. I may have to make you my own personal shopper. You have only worked here a couple of years?" Jake asked, trying to keep the conversations alive.

"You could say that." She offered nothing more. There was something in her voice that made him aware that there was more to her answer, but he wasn't ready to dig deeper just yet.

"I don't think I can repay you for relieving the stress I felt when I walked in here today. Meeting my sisters will be much easier now." He spoke in earnest.

"I am just glad to help," she paused. "Are you headed there now...to meet your sisters, I mean?"

"No, I arrived in town early. I wanted to have some time to buy gifts and relax a little, settle into the town that may become very important to me. I mean, if my sisters are here, I may be around more often." He wanted to tell her that she would also be a reason for this town's importance, but he wouldn't say that, not yet."

They walked up to the register, and as he paid, he inspected the store once more and thought of how inviting it was, and how much that was like Macie. He noticed the quality and individuality that each item inspired. He thought how very much it represented her welcoming and warm sensibilities. This was the perfect place for her and she was the perfect person to be here.

"How long did you say that you worked here?" He asked impulsively.

I opened the place two years ago today." She spoke with pride, She should be proud, he thought. Owning something that was an extension of yourself was an enormous accomplishment.

"This place is yours?" He asked though it was more of a realization rather than a question.

"Yes, and a loving testament to my mother, she passed three years ago and this was our dream. We were going to open this place together." Her voice faded a little as she mentioned her mother.

He nodded at the reminder of his own mother and what he had lost so long ago. "I am sorry for your loss. She must have been an incredible woman."

"She was...in every way. I think I was the lucky one to get to love her." She paused then shook off the storm in her eyes and added, "You know, I did do a lot for you today." A crooked smile crossed her face, "I thought of a way that you could repay me."

He wanted to scream out that he was willing to repay her in any way that she asked, but those words did not escape. "Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Buy me a cup of coffee in that diner over there. I don't think I have had my fill of talking to you."

"Coffee? I can do better than that. What would you think if I brought you a cup of coffee now and then picked you up for dinner when the shop closes."

She smiled openly now, the most gorgeous smile that he had seen, "I would accept that as a form of repayment."

He laughed. She grabbed his phone and typed in her number.

"Just in case you have to cancel, or if you change your mind about dinner."

"That won't happen, but I suppose I would like to call you for other reasons." He got the chance to wink at her for once.

"I suppose that would be a desirable option." She looked down as if embarrassed by his retort.

They said their goodbyes with smiles and quick glances, both excited about the plans for the evening. As he took his packages to the car, he realized that he felt lighter than he had in weeks.

He still hated shopping, but he sure liked this store and the woman inside. Who knew that something he hated so much could lead him to something he so desired maybe something that he even needed?

Smiling, he picked up the phone, found Macie's number, and texted.

J: What kind of coffee do you drink?

He had not forgotten about his promise and he sure wasn't going to break one to her.

M: Surprise me. I bet you will guess it right.

A slight chuckle escaped from his lips as he headed across the street to the diner. While she was incredibly intuitive and he wasn't sure he would ever be able to surprise her, something told him that he was going to keep trying for a very long time.

****

This story was inspired by some fellow writers who are having a bit of a hard time getting back into the writing business. Thank you to those who push me to keep going and thanks to all who read it. I appreciate all the minutes that you have spent reading something that I wrote.

[givemea-dam-break]

babes is back

hello my lovies!!!!!!

i am back!!!! much to your pleasure and simultaneous screaming because yes, if i am back, the fics will be back. and they will be painful.

i thought i’d give you guys a little explanation as to why i kind of randomly stopped coming on tumblr despite my reappearances in december, which were because the lovely @neewtmas had her 12 days of christmas (FIND THAT HERE) and we’re online friends in real life (if that makes any sense at all) and i wanted to support her!!!! my wife!!!!

under the cut below is my little rundown, under a cut simply because i don’t want to take up a million scrolls of your dash if you don’t want to read my reasonings or you are just happy i am back (i luv u)

i have felt terrible since becoming inactive on tumblr since i made so many friends and had so so so many people supporting not only my fanfictions but the edits i also started making, so this is also kind of like my apology to you guys because i went so unexpectedly and without any explanation. so if you want to keep reading, then keep reading!

BOO

scary cut. i know. it’s ok. i am here to protect u.

anyways, like i said, my inactivity on tumblr was a completely out of the blue thing that even i didn’t expect. one day, i just found myself unable to go on the app out of pure dread which i had never felt because it was one of my faves.

and not dread because of anything that had happened here per se, just because my life had been becoming a bit of a mess.

that goes way back, but the crux of it was when me and my boyfriend of 4 years (who i had been staying with after my mum moved away) broke up

i won’t get into details about the breakup itself for both my privacy and his (very unique instances caused it), but basically it got worse and worse, and by october time it was getting to a point where i wasn’t feeling right at all. he was messaging me all the time, begging to get back together, the usual, but he was always wanting to come see me at my dads and for SOME REASON felt as though he had some entitlement to meet my new cats aka my little babies. he was saying creepy things to me (that he didn’t mean as creepy) and by november i blocked him.

i wasn’t feeling safe physically, worried i’d see him on my walks home from the shop in a different town that he comes to often to hang out in with his best friend, but also mentally. i wasn’t in a good mental space at all. i was scared. i was confused. he had pushed all of the blame of the breakup onto me. i was working 35 hours a week while being a student (still am) and my brain had no time for anything but work, studying, and worrying.

tumblr isn’t my job, but the pure guilt i felt when i deleted the app hit me like a tonne of bricks. i felt terrible. one of the only things that gave me solace was something i couldn’t bring myself to go on to. i couldn’t bring myself to write the requests i had piling in, ones i still have huge guilt for never getting around to writing. i couldn’t bring myself to keep answering messages or reblogging things because i didn’t have it in me. i didn’t even write at all october-november because i just had nothing in me, which is so so unlike me.

one thing that did keep me going though, was my emails. “eden ew ur job alert emails? ur period tracker app trying to get u onto premium? the emails from the joint account u had with ur ex for his music career that went kasplut?” no silly. maybe the job alerts - my job has too much drama.

no. 15 year old eden logging back into tumblr and setting email notifs on for comments, tags, and inbox was perhaps the smartest thing she did, and she got all A’s in her exams.

every now and then, i’d get a little tumblr notification. one of those “put this in the inbox of one of your favourite blogs blah blah blah” i luv em. can never get myself to do them because of the 13 year old in me screaming to never do chain mail again after carmen winstead and her creepy voicenote. but i love them, and i appreciate every single person who sent me one.

i could see people commenting on my fics, and absolutely loving them. i could see what my mutuals tagged me in, even if i wasn’t able to react to them.

it gave me peace of mind to keep going with my life while still being able to cling onto the happiness this site brings me while not actually accessing it.

i will always be sorry that i left so suddenly, but it was a spur of the moment thing and something i couldn't even explain myself.

i'm back now, but i likely won't be as active as i used to be. i'm prioritising work and my studies as much as i can while still finding time to write. this being said, i can't promise that all requests sent to my inbox/messages will be answered. part of my leaving was being so overwhelmed by them all (and i thank you all for choosing me to requests fics from, it means a lot!) so if your request doesn't get answered, i truly am sorry and it isn't anything personal! maybe I'll get around to it in the future, but for now i want to bring the joy back to writing for me so i will not be overloading myself like i used to!

i hope you can all understand, and know i love you all so, so dearly! i wouldn't have the friends i do or be where i am in life without all of you!

love u all lots lovies <3

-ur favourite person ever ever ever, eden MWAH

[sunny-reis]

Can I request headcannons with poly vbs reader who's like wonyoung from ive?

(Job and appearance wise)

hcs - vvbs w/a wonyoung-like reader

an: you bet your ass you can !! i saw wonyoung and did a little jump for joy (mentally)

tags: somewhat-feminine!reader, idol!reader, reader's a member of more more jump! or some adjacent j-pop group, ppl give idol!reader shit (much like wonyoung) but they handle it like the slayboss they are

🎀 okay first of all

🎧 bc you're wonyoung-like i have to clarify that yes, ppl on the internet criticize you for no fucking reason ! not cool but it izz what it izz

🍓 you don't let it bother you because you're just Better Than That (plus you're rich, loved, and confident, why should you?)

🎀 assume you're a very popular, well-liked member of mmj! and you've had a pretty large following from a past career as a soloist

🎧 i hc an and akito as big idol fans (akito would rather die than have you find out he used to be a die-hard fan of yours, posters and merch and all stashed in his closet), so they'd definitely support you at gigs and performances!! front row seats and banners babeyyyy

🍓 kohane doesn't really listen to idol music and toya... is toya. but they'd prefer to watch you dance/dance with you!! especially during the rare moments when your normally-PACKED schedule is empty for once !!

🎀 watch you three be stuck in the company practice rooms for hours on end (assuming akito and an join later/for less time since they're Busy doing Stuff . yeah)

🎧 now for specifics !!

🍓 akito defends you from antis online . user ynlover123? that's him [he has multiple side accounts on every social media you can think of]

🎀 every time a clip of you doing something random but Cutely (like wony's little happy dance and the video of her eating a strawberry) you get So Much shit for it. god forbid a girl (g/n) do anything

🎧 Haters be hating 😂

🍓 an is a full on fansite dude (idk why but she seems like a photographer to me. i haven't played through the vvbs story don't @ me)

🎀 fansign? concert in tokyo? popup event? coffee shop event? private performance? she's there with her big ahh camera and filters and light boxes

🎧 you think you look ridiculous in the pictures she takes but to Literally Everyone Else you look ethereal !! like that one relatively recent pic of wony at the airport - everyone (but you) goes wild bc. yeah

🍓 kohane and toya are there to comfort you and make sure you take care of yourself when things get rough

🎀 ik that sounds generic and bland as hell but HEAR ME OUT !!!

🎧 i hc kohane is like a walking heater!! she gives the best hugs that make you never wanna get up from bed (best lazy day partner fr)

🍓 toya isn't a good cook but he'd try to make snacks and your favorite food for you !! good thing you had to take acting classes bc ... he could've tried harder 🗿

🎀 thankfully he can at least cut fruit without losing a limb, so in classic asian mom fashion, he brings you plates of fruit when you're feeling down - he and kohane make sure you finish it all (and kohane sneaks some pieces while toya's not looking 😁)

🎧 (tbf she looks like a squirrel bc of how chubby her cheeks are - im not immune to the kohane rodent agenda)

🍓 all in all i feel like it'd be a really understanding relationship with poly!vvbs - they're dancers so they get how tiring it is, and especially with industry-induced worries, they'd be there to support you and make you feel loved no matter what!

[yelenasdiary]

hey, if possible could you make one about the advent calendar with the autistic reader where natasha makes christmas programs with the reader so as not to escape the routine?

☃️ Festive Calendar ☃️

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Autistic! Reader

Summary: Nat helps you enjoy the holidays without any stress. 

Fluff | 0.6K | No Warnings | 

Translations: dorogoy (darling)

AC: I hope you enjoy this, my apologises for it take a little while to write, I did some research before writing. If I offend you or anybody by this fic I’m so sorry! I never want to make anybody uncomfortable or offended by my work, I hope all this is okay. 

Day 22 | Advent Calendar Masterlist 🎄

Natasha knew with Christmas coming up that you'd be stressing quietly about the change in routine, she could see it on your face even though to the others you hid it very well. She wondered how she could help make things a lot easier for you but still keep your original routine. It wasn't easy for Nat to watch you try to avoid holidays and events as they would come and go, she wanted you to always feel your best and enjoy yourself in any way you wanted to. 

 "Baby, can we talk for just a moment?" she asked you while standing in the doorway of the living room, you looked up at her and nodded slowly, unsure what she would want to talk about. "So, I was thinking, with December starting next week, how about we have a look at the calendar and work out days where we can do something for Christmas and which days, we don't need to do anything. Does that sound okay?" she asked as she sat down beside you on the sofa. You smiled softly, "I think that sounds good". Natasha quickly got up and grabbed the calendar from the kitchen and a blue inked pen to fill the month of December with things. 

"Is there anything you'd like to do during the Christmas holiday?" Natasha asked you, wanting you to be in complete control over the holiday. "I'd like to help decorate the tree and the house" you smiled at the thought, "but, I don't think I want to go shopping for the tree, it might be too busy and too loud with all the children running around" you added.

"That is completely okay, dorogoy" Nat smiled as she wrote down 'Christmas decorating' on December 1st, "I'll go with Wanda and the twins to get us a tree and when I'm back we can start decorating it, I'll go early in the morning, so we don't have to rush anything" she explained which you nodded in reply. 

"I would also like to bake cookies and build a gingerbread house with you" 

Natasha's heart melted at the suggestion, making her smile once more. "Which day would you like to do that?" she asked before gently moving the calendar towards you so you could work out which day you thought would work best. "Uhm, 19th?" you answered after a few moments of thinking. "Perfect!" Natasha couldn't help but gently place a kiss on your cheek before she wrote down 'Baking Day' on December 19th. 

"Oh and before I forget, let's keep our room a Christmas free-zone, so that way, if you need to take a break our room will completely Christmas free, no decorations, candles or anything like that" Natasha explained instantly putting that worry to rest and earning a warm smile from you. "Is there anything else?" she asked. 

"Could we do gift shopping online? Please?" you asked as you remembered all the horrible times you had to shop with your family in the mall. "Of course, we can! We will need to allow time for delivery so how about December 5th?" Nat asked, again you nodded in response. 

When everything was all done and planned out carefully, you felt better about the busy time of year and a hint of excitement to be spending the holiday with Natasha who you could see only wanted to make this a perfect Christmas for you.

"Thank you Natty, for this. It will help a lot" you smiled as she placed the pen down, "Anything for you honey" Nat returned the smile before you slowly snuggled up close to her for a few moments as your own little way of truly thanking her.

Taglist: @red1culous | @sayah13 | @charl-lally | @when-wolves-howl | @bentleywolf29 | @fxckmiup | @natasha-belova | @blackwidow-3 | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok | @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145 | @shin-conan-kun | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @apollo2907 | @wandaroman0ff | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @lovelyy-moonlight | @santana1437 | @ahintofchaos | @fluffyblanketgecko | @puta1 | @inluvwithfictionalwomen | @tintedrose12 | @jaymieflorissssssss | @tita001 | @youralphawolf72 | @donnietarantino | @randomnessbecausewhynot | @natashamaximoff69 | @hehehehannahthings | @pandaemonium111 | 

[iraprince]

Hey Ira how do you finish stuff? i've been working on a project for months and i just cant find a way to complete it

see, the thing is my first instinctive response to this question was "idk, because i feel like i never finish anything either!"

i mean, obviously i DO, i finish stuff for work etc and if i really never finished anything then there would be nothing on this blog. but from where i'm standing it feels like the amount of stuff i've actually finished is like, a tiny tiny drop in the massive ocean of stuff i've THOUGHT about or WANT to do or maybe have even STARTED but are all collecting dust on the back burner

i think ive had the idea for project catboy since, like, 2017 or something, and i still only have the first draft outline done; i keep thinking i'm not ready to do it justice yet. i think the villains win has existed for a similar amount of time as a concept and i DID finally start it but i've been too busy/occupied w other things to continue. i've been wanting to open an online shop and sell prints + merch for years now, and have done maybe one or two steps in that direction, but then it keeps stalling and getting lost amidst my other more pressing to-dos

basically: i am always working on projects for months (and years!) and never finding ways to complete them, and any personal project i do end up finishing feels like a huge outlier most of the time

so i don't really have solid advice bc i struggle w it so much myself, but i guess i do have a "hey, you're not alone." just keep banging away at things and eventually some of it will pop through, even if most of it doesn't. if i try really hard to skim over the stuff that DOES get done and find a common thread, it's either 1. i literally Had to (work stuff etc,) or 2. i was EXTREMELY passionate/excited about it, and i had a plan/the scope was visible + digestible (i knew how it was going to end or i was kind of aware of all the parts that needed to come together, rather than just kind of writing/drawing endlessly into the abyss without being able to visualize how much progress i was making). if there's no end in sight, maybe the next best step is getting more specific/granular about what the end would actually look like; a lot of times i find that i THINK i know what a project would need to be done, but in reality it's all just a pretty vague concept in my head, and i never actually sat down and hammered out the steps of what i need to do/make! if you have a fixed endpoint, you can ALWAYS be inching toward it, even if it takes forever.

(also, do it shittier. im being so serious. whenever u get really stuck, do a shitty job just to get onto the next step. if you hit the finish line you can always go back and improve/redo things, but a lot of times you might look back and be like "actually the low effort version is fine, in the big picture")

[misc-obeyme]

I'm going on a tangent because i thought of silly things, I think I might try writing the next part tonight after work. This probably takes place way before what's currently going on in my rambles.

I'm imagining I impulsively bought something online and had to cut down on coffee (what did I buy? Who knows. Probably concert tickets for fob. I was scraping by when I bought those tickets last year 💀). I think it'd take Mammon two weeks before he finally caves and texts to ask if I'm okay. I sheepishly explain my purchase and why I haven't been around, and get left on read.

Later in the day, Mammon shows up to the shop with a coffee and a box of various pastries. He's blushing hard as he shoves the box towards me but gently sets the coffee down. I'm completely puzzled, and it's the first time Mammon has ever set foot in my shop. He goes on to ramble that he wasn't worried or anything, just had some leftovers and decided they should be able to tide me over and make up for lost orders.

The longest I've ever gone without stopping in is a week when I went on vacation maybe in the summer to visit family? But I had let him know ahead of time. And the other time was four days, and I texted him "i promkse ill wakenip ealry timorrow" and it was sent at 3 am, typed exactly like that. He texted back "ya better be asleep by now. Dumbass. Not like i miss ya or anything either." He replied back after 5:30 ish when getting up for the day. I did keep my promise and showed up, even if I definitely looked out of it.

That was supposed to be a silly scenario but now I'm thinking of the actual concert date taking place after they start realizing their feelings for each other (the cutting back scene was during the presale). And them getting worried about me going alone. But ticket prices are insane the closer to the date since I originally bought mine during the presale, and the seat I snagged managed to be on the floor. So even if they wanted to join, they'd have to shell out a lot of money, and wouldn't be sat next to me.

Unless ....... Mammon had an older brother, who was working for someone else.... who was the ceo of a company, and said company was sponsoring the tour.....and could get them front row seats together...... Only in fiction can things work out like this !! 🤣 Imagine your first concert also being a date. Crazy.

also thinking about nicknames. The most common one is 'treasure' from Mammon, and I usually use that for my character. Maybe 'lucky charm' for solomon? as long as it is, it's cute. I gotta brainstorm

- ✨ anon

OHHHHH but I love Mams being all cute and blushy and bringing you pastries! Absolutely adorable! And that text... not like I miss ya or anything!! Yeah yeah, you keep tellin yourself that buddy!! LOL.

Concert date concert date!!! I am all about it lol!

Isn't it amazing how convenient things can be in fiction?? Listen, it's not like it'd never happen irl! People always complain about how things seem to "work out" just right in fiction, but yo. That happens in real life too, friends. Just nobody's complaining about it because there is no Almighty Author pulling the strings!

Anyway, slight tangent there but the point is I say it's perfect!!

I think "lucky charm" is cute! Maybe it sometimes gets shortened to just "lucky" I think that's cute, too! Ahh nicknames make me soft lol!

[thatgyalfisher]

Roommate!ellieXShopaholic!reader

Summary: reader gets anything cheap of priced off online so why not buy something she will actually use? She regrets buying it after ellie finds it,but later again thanks god she did.

Warning: 18+ MDNI!!SMUTT,vibrator,

•=======•

I was tapping in the usual website i go to to buy all my like shop-aholic thingys,and after about an hour of scrolling and purchasing stuff i definitely did not need my eye catches something that really interested me.

A light purple medium sized vibrator with little fake diamond stones on the handle for details, “this i might actually put to use” i whispered undee my breath.

“Hmh?” Ellie hums in question,i had been so sucked into my laptop busy shopping,i had completely forgotten Ellie was sitting right across from me on the L-couch of our shared dorm.

“Are you shopping for stupid shit again?” She wiggles in her place trying to come somewhat closer to me to peek at my screen,”no” i let out a nervous huff,meanwhile trying to slowly rotate the screen of my laptop the other way without her noticing. Since I didn’t want Ellie to get suspicious about what order i was about to place now.

“Are u rotating your screen from me?” She laughs while saying,trying to grab ahold of the laptop.”no, don’t be crazy” i try to chuckle it off as i quickly close my laptop and get up not knowing where i was going to walk after standing up.

“Come on u are totally hiding something on there!” She stands up not even seconds after i did,really,really close to my face.I can feel her breath fanning on my face as it goes quite for a couple of seconds,”what’s it princess purchasing something I can’t know of?” I knew she was just trying to distract me so she could snatch my laptop from me,so i backed up from her face bending down to grab my school bag that was laying next to the couch on the floor walking to my room as i speak my words, “stop being ridiculous,can’t a women have privacy in the comfort of her own home?” I joke as i close the door with a chuckle

As soon ad my bum lays down on my bed and I’ve tucked my foot under my right thigh i open my laptop again,lip tucked between my teeth in the hope I didn’t lose the item i was so close to purchasing.A sigh of relief escapes my throat as its still there,i quickly make the purchase and close off my laptop before going to sleep.

(Time skip to 5 days later)

I come home from an exhausting day of school as i drop my bag on the floor before closing the door behind me,Ellie isn’t home since she has school till three o’clock meanwhile my last period had gotten canceled so i got home around twelve.

I was about to sit on the couch as i notice a little paper on the floor right by the door,i picked it up reading the following;” your package came earlier then expected! The package has been delivered to the neighbors next door number 9”

I squirm from excitement as i open the door walking over to the neighbors in my pink flip flops,I knocked on the door. The door opened with the lady already holding my package in her hand,”this for you neighbor?”

“Yes its mine” i say releasing the weight from her arms,” thanks, have a great evening!” I say while already walking back to my dorm.I almost trip as i run to my room to unpack it,i open the taped box with my keys eager to see what the vibrator looks like.

I finally manage to open it and grab the purple vibrator in my hands,it looks so innocent yet its so dirty.I click on the button but the it vibrates two times,realizing i have to charge it.

I read the instructions and it has to charge for an hour, i huff in disbelief but grab the charger that came with the toy. I go to the kitchen to make myself some food and eat it.

After i went to take a shower,shaving everything just so i can start playing with myself clean,i walk to my room with my towel around me as i open the door looking at the toy.

I lay down on my bed getting comfortable,i take a glance at my nightstand clock as it shows 1:50, great i have enough time till ellie comes home.

I look over at the toy and grab it in my hands,first testing it by turning it on in my hand. My other hand pulls my pants and underwear down,slowly massaging circles on my clit. My breath gets a bit heavy doing to and i play with myself for a while.

After i have gotten wet enough i put the toy at my entrance, teasing myself as I imagine its Ellie. Me and Ellie have always had tension but we just play it off as a joke but i secretly love it when she gets me a little flustered.

(Ellies pov:

I smile at my phone aa i see that my last two periods had been canceled,school was so draining and i was happy when i got home.

I entered the house with almost no sound since my roommate almost always takes naps after school and i try not to wake her up,i walked over to her room hand on the door nob about to open the door. I might sound like a pervert or a creep now but i love seeing y/n sleep. When her lips are slightly parted with soft snores coming from her button nose,i vind it cute but also weirdly kind of attractive how she sleeps with her little plushie that she’s had since she was a baby.

But before i get to i hear muffled sounds coming drom the other side of the door.

I quietly put my ear on the door to hear more,hearing the silent whimpering getting louder and some quiet moans.

A warm almost hot feeling throbs right above my cunt as i hear her,is this what she had hid from me? A vibrator im guessing as i hear slight vibrating sounds also.

I almost let out a sound myself as i hear her moan my name,i was shocked at first but grew to like it. Alot

I listen to her moans as my hand slowly slithers to my pants quickly unbuttoning it,i know it sounds weird im touching myself to her touching her self but i just couldn’t let it slide,i had to.

I start circling on my clit trying my best not to moan with her,playing with myself as im getting wetter by the second.

I place my two finger on my entrance,rubbing on it a bit first before sliding them in, slowly pumping then deep inside of myself. I probably look absolutely pathetic but honestly for her? I was.

Im a switch but when i think about her in sexual ways I mostly think about her on top of me, and how hot she would look up there. And how good her long slim fingers would feel inside of me.

I feel a knot forming in my abdomen as im thinking of her fingers and her in general.i start going faster before my arm gets tired of my needs, y/n had also started to moan louder, sexier and out of breath. It sounded like music to my ears.

My breath gets heavy as me and y/n released at the same time, still finger fucking myself getting my high off.

My heart almost dropped as i heart some shuffling in her room and i pull up my pants very fast as i almost run to my room, still making sure to close and lock it silently.

That was amazing I thought,u can imagine what i fell asleep to that night.

•. •. •.

a/n: I DID NOT PROOF READ SO ANY MISTAKES LET ME KNOW

Anyways my phone smh spawned to my left hand while writing lol.

UPDATE: i ended up reading it and infixed some mis-spelled words

ANYWAYS YALL WANT A PT TWO 2!???

[truly-morgan]

[Transmasc Mob and supportive Reigen]

Reigen + Mob | Mob Psycho 100 18-10-2022

I've been having brain worms for the past few hours now:

Young trans dude Mob whose first person he ever told was his shisho. And how much Reigen is there for him.

Of course, Reigen reacts positively and is supportive, but he doesn't know what else to say, especially with how Mob seems to be waiting for a little more. That night he does a lot of research and the next day when Mob comes to the office he can have a better talk with him.

Reigen who's the one helping Mob cut his hair even shorter than they already were, to a length that the boy prefers. "If your parents ask, just say something got stuck in it and needed to be cut" he suggested.

Reigen who's ready to take Mob shopping for masculine outfits that make him feel more comfortable any time he needs new clothes. He can even slip one of two fashion tips here and there.

Reigen who's the one to get Mob's first binder, gifting it to him and seeing just how much more confident it seems to make him (and he's ready to buy another one when Mob outgrow this one eventually).

Reigen who's by Mob's side when he decides to come out to Ritsu. He does it at the office, feeling safe in the familiar environment and with Reigen near them. He's not sitting with them, leaving room for the brothers, but he being within eyesight reassures Mob.

Of course, everything goes perfectly fine (just like Reigen assured him it would be) and Ritsu is also ready to support him, especially at home.

Reigen who's the one to encourage Mob to switch to the school pant uniform, seeing that it would likely make him more comfortable. Plus, Salt Middle School doesn't have a rule that certain people need to wear certain clothes.

Mob is already discreet enough so not many people notice it. Many (and slowly most) starts referring to him by his preferred pronouns, for most because he's seen a small guy who just didn't hit puberty. Maybe some don't even remember what he looked like before.

Reigen who's ready to throw hands if anyone dares disrespect Mob and purposefully misgender him. Mob may be a bit afraid to tell people off, in case something might happen, but Reigen doesn't mind taking care of these people.

Reigen who's really glad to hear that the body improvement club members all seem also very supportive once they realised Mob was trans, helping find a solution for when he exercises. "Goda-senpai said it could be dangerous doing it in my binder" Mob had told him, "So they instead tried to find a solution for me to be able to train with them without it but still be comfortable".

The older man was more than happy to hear they did so, he did read online it was bad doing exercise in it.

Reigen who's ready to be there if needed when, once a bit older and feels safe to do so, comes out to his parents. Patiently waiting in a park near Mob's house, phone in hand in case Mob calls him. (he never met the kid's parents before & now is not the time. plus Ritsu is there) He smiles when he receives a message, telling him everything went smoothly and his parents are also supportive.

Reigen who's ready to go with Mob when he seeks hrt and/or surgeries.

I just think Reigen would be there for Mob throughout everything, seeing him grow more and more confident in many ways. He'd be that person who knew barely anything about trans stuff in general to try to know as much as he can to help Mob.

Original

[beerose-blog]

So, hello. I'm Bee. If you're one of my friends, you may recognize the title "Bee's Gradual Guide To Success". If you don't, it was actually the title of one of my personal "article series"/blogs that I made last November. I started it off with a lot of excitement, but I eventually got discouraged about myself and moved on, feeling so mortified about it that I wished I had never written it, even though my friends said it was really good. Here it is:

I think the funniest thing about this blog series is that it was all about being "real". You know, we live in a world where everything is completely over-saturated with success, and it's hard to find someone who will speak the truth about their experiences and failures. In the blog, I said and I quote:

"That’s actually the purpose of this blog/guide. First of all, I want to let the world know it’s OKAY to not know what you’re doing. Everyone, even the most successful people started from the very beginning. We live in a world that’s filled to the brim with the success stories of others- it can be overwhelming and make our own goals seem vast, intimidating, and unachievable."

Through my blog, I wanted to let everyone know that it was okay to have setbacks, that it was okay to fail at things; that all these obstacles would help us eventually succeed at whatever we wanted to do. And many people liked it. And then, do you know what happened?

I stopped writing it because I felt like a failure.

Now, let me tell you a little something about myself: I am the QUEEN of trying, failing, and giving up. I have had countless, countless career aspirations and dreams. I've wanted to be a business woman, running my own coffeeshop/bookstore called the CoZe Café. I've also wanted to be an artist who would sell commissions. For a very long time I also wanted to be an animator. I've had aspirations to run my own online shop with knitted and crocheted goods, I've wanted to be a seamstress, an accountant, the list goes on and on and on. It doesn't help, either, that I've got a cocktail of mental health diagnoses including bipolar 2 hypomania, which effectively makes me feel like a god that can achieve absolutely anything. But two times, so far, I've settled on novelist/editor.

Novelist/editor. What would it truly be like to live that dream? To work in some big publishing house, editing what could be the next famous author's story - making their dreams a reality, validating them. It sounds great! Right?

Well, I'm not quite at this point yet. In fact, about an hour ago, I was completely at my wit's end, even considering dropping my classes. You see, I'm an English major, working to get my Associate's degree at a Community College. The plan, currently, is to eventually get a PhD in English from Harvard. However that plan definitely seems far away considering this is my first semester and I'm already many, many assignments behind. It's week two, by the way.

Thus, once again, things become stagnant. I ask myself, "What do I do? How am I ever going to succeed? Am I just a failure like they all said I was?". And am I? It certainly seems so so far. But yet, someone told me I'm not.

This particular person told me exactly this:

"so i say, its not too late for you."

The "so i say" is in reference to the other part of the story he told me. He had spent his life working on various projects, writing and others, only to lose them all with the loss of his computer. So, he gave up. He worked, worked, and worked. He even said he was "Just a tired adult without hobbies". Until finally, he found a certain community, the same one where I met him. And through that community, he found friends and his love for writing once again. And he didn't give up. In fact, I'd even boldly claim to say he never gave up, as writing eventually DID come back to him.

So what about me? What should I do? Writing itself has been a theme all throughout my childhood, starting way back with my first attempted novel titled "Billy & Mandy" that I scrawled in a black composition notebook at age 8. It's always been present, coming back to me in bursts and staying longer each time. So what do I do now? Do I simply just "give up" on that dream?

And now, as you read, you may be wondering things. "What is the purpose of this? Isn't her blog called 'Bee's Gradual Guide To Success?' Where does success come in? What's happening? All she's talked about is her failures."

Or perhaps, you are just scrolling along, and clicked this by mistake. Or maybe your phone is in your pocket, and you've mistakenly buttdialed my tumblr account. Who knows! The world is full of endless possibilities!

However, if you are wondering what my purpose is by writing this, it's very simple:

There isn't any.

The only real purpose I have is personal; I am just trying to document my life, just in a public format.. Maybe, by sharing my story of success and failure, it will help you. Maybe you will continue to scroll. Either way, I will be here, posting. It makes me happy to do this, to document my story in vivid, painted detail. The idea excites me. And maybe someone out there will connect with my struggles, and find the courage to keep moving forward in the darkness, knowing there's someone out there just like them.

So I guess in that case I lied in a way, there is sort of a purpose. I mean, what did you expect? It is called "Bee's Gradual Guide To Success". And the main fact is, I have no idea what I'm doing.

So I wish you luck in your own journey, if you do end up seeing this - and maybe you'll find some of yourself in mine.

[dirtwatchman]

PARTIES: @dirtwatchman and @vanoincidence TIMING: Early March SUMMARY: Van and Caleb are missing their friend and decide to have a day without her. Things get a little tense between the two. CONTENT WARNINGS: No triggers just lots of corpse talk.

Van frowned at her phone screen. “Did Erin tell you that she was going to a coffin convention?” She pocketed the device, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jacket afterwards to keep them warm. “Who has a coffin convention, anyway? What do you think that looks like?” The Common was practically abandoned, all except for the few individuals who braved the cold. She wasn’t sure how Caleb had convinced her to leave the house today, but after Erin said she would be leaving town for awhile, Van felt the need to keep him company. It wasn’t her job as a twenty year old, but in reality, she felt like he was the closest thing she could get to a brother, even with the twenty-two year age gap. 

“Yea, it was a weird conversation.” What was a coffin convention anyway? “I didn’t even know those things existed.” He had been working with her and her dad for so long and yet he’d never heard a word about them before. But he was on the other side of things most of the time. “Depressing? Or…comfortable? I don’t know, it depends on the coffins, I guess.” Caleb leaned back against the bench they were sitting on, looking around the park and wondering why he had chosen this place. Van had to be freezing. “Do you want my jacket or something? I kind of forgot how cold it was out here.” A feat in itself considering the few people around were crunching through the snow. Speaking of forgetting, though. “Oh, hey, I brought you something though.” He grabbed his cooler from the side of the bench and brought out a few of the spicy pickles they were both fond of, holding them all out to her. “You know, since you’ve sacrificed so many.”

“I didn’t either, but I guess they do.” Van frowned. She knew that Erin would be coming back, but it still felt weird having to say goodbye to her. “Maybe it’s both? Do you think that instead of hotel rooms, they tell them they have to sleep in the coffins? You know, to test them out?” She wasn’t sure why a live person would need to test out coffins, especially because once somebody was dead, they didn’t know the comfortability of where they were laid to rest, but Van liked the idea that maybe there was some care involved when it came to things like that. “I have these.” She reached inside her pockets to display the electric hand warmers she’d bought off of Tik Tok Shop. “I’m testing them out to see if they are like, actually worth anything.” She hadn’t decided quite yet. “Besides, if you give me your jacket, you’ll be cold and then I’ll feel bad.” As he reached to the side, Van leaned over to look, eyes growing wide at the sight of the spicy pickles. “Dude, these had to of cost you a fortune.” Only because she was running up the price at the store she bought them from– something about needing to keep up with demand. She had half a mind to start ordering them online. She took one of the packages and grinned at him. “Erin’s gonna be so upset, missing the spicy pickle parade.” 

For a split second, Van’s question had him envisioning Erin trying out different coffins to see which one she would want to sleep in for the night. He was chuckling at the very idea but he shook his head at the girl. “It’s a convention, not a house of horrors. I could see that happening if the convention was here maybe.” His thoughts went from Erin trying out the coffins to Caleb doing so himself and for some reason his smile slipped. Why was the thought so heartbreaking? Maybe it was because he was never actually going to be in one himself if things didn’t get too messy in his eternal life but he was going to have to watch almost everyone he loved laying in one. He shook the thoughts from his mind, not wanting to envision that for a second longer than he already had. 

“I don’t really get too cold. The Maine weather has seeped into my bones over the years. You know, I’m always outside anyway.” Which was the truth really. His job required a lot of outside time. Not to mention, he liked the outdoors anyway. Caleb tried to play off the price of the pickles with a wave of his hand, not ready to admit that he might have spent the whole portion of his last brain sale to get them for her. “It’s her loss for going to try out coffins, that’s what she gets right?” He flashed her a smile. “But maybe we can save her one.”

“I don’t know– dead people seem like a house of horrors, right?” Maybe that wasn’t appropriate. “Like, think about it– every horror movie starts out with spooky shit like coffins.” She had no reason to believe that that was what Erin was actually doing, but the vision she’d created was better than the alternative– that Erin had decided to leave on her own omission instead of staying put like she’d always promised. Van splayed her fingers through the air, stretching them out to ease the anxiety that was starting to build in her chest. 

“You’re so cool, pretending you’re not cold. It’s 2024, being a macho man isn’t like, a thing anymore. It’s weird, Caleb.” She stared at him for a brief moment, trying to deliberate whether or not he fell within gen-x standards or if he was a millennial. Her go-to insult was identifying those older than her as a boomer– it always seemed to ruffle feathers, no matter what. “Yeah, I guess so.” Van let out a scoff at Caleb’s consideration for Erin. “No way! She left, so she doesn’t get these.” She motioned towards the pickles. “This is totally her loss.” 

Ouch. She couldn't have known how much that comment would sting and yet he bristled slightly when she said it, his mouth moving before he could stop himself. “They’re not horrors.” Frowning at his own words, Caleb couldn't understand at first why he had even snapped at her like that. He was dead, yes, but that didn’t mean she was calling him a horror in any way. Plus, he kind of was a horror, wasn’t he? He’d said this much to himself over the years, thought as much about the other undead sometimes, and yet he took offense as if it were one of her playful jabs that had hit the wrong deadened nerve. It hit a little different when someone he cared about was saying it. He had made himself sensitive by thinking of everyone in coffins and now this, he needed to chill out. “I mean, you’re right, coffins are associated with horrifying things but the dead…they’re just dead. There’s not much else to it.”

The zombie rolled his eyes at her, his lips twitching up once more as he tried his best to move past his little slip up. “I’m not pretending, but fine, go ahead and freeze. But let me ask you, since when have I ever pretended to be a macho man?” He was a nervous ball of lankiness that let fear and anxiety turn him into the biggest doormat. There was no way anyone thought of Caleb as anything remotely resembling macho. The only reason he had any muscle at all was due to the years of digging graves. “Alright, they’re yours, you have the final say. We’ll just have to rub it in her face when she gets back instead.”

Van was a little surprised at the way Caleb snapped at her. She held her hands up in defense. “I was thinking like, horror movies! You know, being followed by dead things, or like– haunted!” She had some respect for the dead. After all, both of her parents had fallen to the tragedy of it all. The moment with the gifted pickles was gone and there was an air of uncertainty and awkwardness that hung over them now. She looked down at her hands, kicking the toe of her shoe against the small platform of concrete that the bench was resting on. “Yeah, I guess so.” The dead were dead, no matter what. But did Caleb know about the things in Wicked’s Rest? Had he seen the horrors? Experienced them the way she had? If he had, would he have tried to correct her the way he did? She wasn’t sure. 

She shrugged, “I think it’s like an trait that all dudes have, you know? Even if you think you unlearned it, it’s still there.” She pointed at herself as she continued, “sometimes I find myself like, getting super jealous of other girls, and I guess that’s my toxic trait.” Mostly because those same girls had bullied her in school, but that wasn’t necessary to bring up. Van relaxed slightly as the conversation dipped back into familiar territory which, ultimately came down to making fun of Erin. She took her phone out of her pocket and sent a quick photo off to the older woman before stuffing it back into her pocket. “I hope she enjoys her coffins with no pickles.” 

The way she was scrambling to ‘fix’ her comments had Caleb closing his eyes briefly. He hadn’t meant to make her feel bad but his response had been too harsh. Yet he couldn’t explain to Van why the comment had hurt him the way it had. In that moment, he realized how much easier life could be if he could tell the people he cared about that he was dead. The few who knew were easier to be around just because he could talk about it freely but with Van and Erin he always felt like he was on some sort of ledge ready to topple over, ruining their view on life with the truth. It was the last thing he wanted for them, to change what they thought about the world…what they thought about him. 

And then he realized why things could have gotten a lot more awkward from there. He swallowed thickly, his mind going to her parents as it dawned on him just how little she had meant about the horrors comment. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know you didn’t mean anything by it.” He wanted to continue, to say that he knew what it was like to be likened to such a thing, but he stopped there in hopes that it was enough to clear the air between them.

Now he was wondering how many times this toxic masculinity had come out in him. Her words made sense even if Caleb was a coward most of the time and he was only trying to be nice to her. He supposed it leaked through along with his need to please everyone around him. “Okay, I can see your point.” Because he couldn’t argue that he really didn’t need the jacket at all without explaining why. “But why exactly do you get jealous of other girls?” He didn’t feel like there was a need for that but he also wasn’t Van. He couldn’t know what was going through her mind.

Caleb apologized, and Van felt smaller than before. She wasn’t sure if she deserved any kind of apology, or if it was even necessary. She wasn’t sure why she felt that way– maybe because she was always saying things without thinking, and that usually got her into trouble. “I um, I get it, you know? Like, you work… with dead people, I get that you’re sensitive.” A bit of the conversation reminded her of Regan and her chest twisted– an onslaught of unresolved feelings over the woman who would be leaving both her and Jade, just like Erin had. 

Van stammered slightly as she tried to explain herself, “I don’t know, I mean– have you ever looked at somebody else and been like, oh my god I want to be her, or I guess– him– them, I don’t know.” She shrugged, kicking the toe of her shoe against the ground again. “I think it makes sense when you’re like, young, and you were young once, so a part of you should definitely get it, you know?” She flashed him an uncertain grin. 

She didn’t get it though. That was the thing, she couldn’t understand why he was sensitive to the topic. Yes, he worked with the dead and tried his hardest to give them respect but on any given day Caleb was cracking their skulls for his own personal gain. That wasn’t respect, that was the plot of a horror story. Which was exactly why her words had gotten under his skin. 

It was time to let it go though. Dwelling on it wouldn’t do either of them any good. “Hey, it’s all good. Truce?” He looked at her, a hint of amusement in his eye as he raised his pinky finger. He hoped the tension was dissipating with his gesture, he could feel it slipping from his own shoulders as he let it all go. It was over now. Or so he hoped.

He raised an eyebrow at her insinuation that he was old. It wasn’t anything new with Van and it never offended him too much but he did like to mess with her when she did. “You know, you’re going to be my age one day and you’re going to hate when the kids start saying stuff like that to you. I’ll be off to the side laughing the whole time.” A chuckle left him but the smile started to fade as he thought about her reasoning. “I get that. I think we all want to be someone else at least once in our lives. There’s no shame in that. Sometimes there are people who seem to have it easier and it’s okay to want easier.”

Van hesitated for a moment before giving him a firm nod. “Trucies.” She lifted her own pinky, tapping it against Caleb’s before leaning back into the bench. She was used to overstepping, and most of the time, people called her out on it. Sometimes she cared about what they had to say, and other times she didn’t. This was one of the times she did. She didn’t want Caleb to be upset with her. 

“When I’m your age, who’s to say you won’t be like, dead. I mean, it’s good though, right! Dying of old age and not…” Van pondered for a moment, thinking of the least likely scenario. “Scurvy, or something. It’s a good thing you’re not a pirate.” She sighed, shifting around the cooler of pickles so that they now sat at her feet instead of next to her on the bench. “I think that one day I want to be who I am and not somebody else, but other times I look at people who are way cooler and wonder if I could be them one day.” Maybe it was a little too deep. With a huff, Van leaned back into the bench and lifted her gaze to the sky. “Maybe I’ll be cool and old or something.” 

“Oh, ouch.” His tone was light, Caleb keeping himself in check after his outburst earlier, but again his mind went to what life would be like in the future. But he didn’t want to think about the fact that he couldn’t possibly stick around for much longer or people would realize he wasn’t aging or the fact that he was going to miss a lot in the lives of most people he cared about. So he tried to shake it off, keeping the airyness of his tone. “I’m only going to be in my sixties when you’re my age, you really think I’m going to die that young? I’ll just have to make sure I’m taking my vitamin C supplements so I can stick around and bug you about this. I’ll be the old man laughing about how you thought you’d be rid of me by then.”

His hands went to his jacket pockets as Caleb leaned back on the bench with her, his gaze locked on the top of her head. She really didn’t realize how amazing she already was, did she? Van was that person who could make him laugh even on the worst day but then pull on his heartstrings in the same breath. She was a little out there but unapologetic about it. She was the one who would give him a spicy pickle while trying to make it seem like the biggest inconvenience just because she knew he liked them. There wasn’t much she could do to be any better.

“I really hope that one day you can be happy with who you are. But for the record, Van, I already think you’re one of the coolest people I know.” He waited for a moment before he added the next part, not wanting to get too mushy on her. “I know that doesn’t mean much coming from an uncool geezer like me though.” He grinned then, reaching ground to grab their stuff in his hands. “Come on weirdo, you’re going to freeze if we stay out here any longer. Let's go get you a hot chocolate or something.”