#return to self

[rosemaryprosser]

return to earth, she remembers you (I)

[wildwithlight]

[xxdreamscapes]

returning to yourself is such a feeling. like I got my cool back. I got my mojo back. I got that mf glow. can't nobody tell me nothin!!!!

[haveacupofjohanny]

I didn't realize how lost I felt—until I finally said, “Babe, I’m recording again.” This blog post is about the emotional whiplash of moving, the guilt, the grief, and the slow journey back to myself—one habit at a time. 💻 Read it: haveacupofjohanny.com/blog #ReturnToSelf #MilitarySpouseLife

[jeanetteleblanc]

[deikshen]

Omega Shen Qingqiu who is fed up with all the courtship gifts he receives. It's okay, it's entertaining, but at this point in his life he is quite tired. His Binghe has fallen (been pushed and stabbed haha oops) into the Endless Abyss, and he is really fed up with courtship gifts and having to answer civilized letters rejecting them.

So, just to spite him, Shang Qinghua sends him a courtship gift. Just to make fun of him. It's a silly little thing, literally. A flower with two long light blue petals pressed with with the description below "Hatsune Miku Flower".

Shen Qingqiu keeps it.

Okay, so if he rejects the courtship, he's supposed to return the gifts and send a rejection letter. But damn! He knows Shang Qinghua did it as a fucking joke to get on his nerves. So, he keeps the damn flower and doesn't waste his time sending the rejection letter.

Shang Qinghua comes over for tea after that, and they stay up later than would be appropriate discussing some fandom shit. In reality, time passes and it is late at night when Shen Qingqiu kicks Shang Qinghua out of his house.

A few days later, Shang Qinghua sends another gift. The truth is that, at that moment, BOTH of them have forgotten the nonsense of courtship gifts and all that. But Shang Qinghua had gone down to the village, had seen some ugly and ridiculously colorful fans, and decided that it would make a great ironic gift for his friend. So he buy them, wrap them with the most delicate care, and send them off.

And then, a few days later, he sends a very ridiculous collection of novels he found directly to his chaotic reader friend. He does so, of course, knowing that he would not be able to carry those books on his return, taking advantage of the parcel service to lighten his trip.

So when he gets to Cang Qiong, he's suddenly being looked at horribly by the other Alphas and he's just—hey, he didn't do anything wrong!!!

Shen Qingqiu enjoys his books, uses his colorful fans exclusively to hit Shang Qinghua, and only once regrettably uses one for a whole day until he realizes it and just hits Shang Qinghua swung his fan very hard, horrified.

Shang Qinghua keeps coming to drink tea, gossip and complain almost every afternoon. He often stays up late at night. At one point, Liu Qingge just stops with Shen Qingqiu to say:

"You shouldn't be with an Alpha who is courting you without a chaperone."

And Shen Qingqiu is just: "???? What Alpha is courting me?"

When Shang Qinghua arrives a while later with some sweet buns for tea, Liu Qingge rolls his eyes and runs away.

And the entire sect believes that they are in a fairly advanced phase of their courtship. Of course, it is a very serious matter; they meet all the standards of taking it as seriously as they should. Gifts, meals, providing for him; even Shen Qingqiu looks happier, using the gifts Shang Qinghua gives him to show how he accepts his courtship, eating his snacks in public, composing new songs for him.

(Shen Qingqiu doesn't compose a shit. He plays pop songs that Shang Qinghua misses on the guqin and enjoy some music he thought he would never hear again.)

When the courtship has already lasted more than half a year, everyone is restless. Although it is true that some courtships are long... The truth is that in half a year, they should already be preparing a wedding! A small ceremony at least! But neither of them seems to talk about weddings, or ceremonies, or trousseaus, or preparations, and they are all NERVOUS.

Could it be that the two peak lords are holding such a private ceremony that not even their pack of peak lords will be invited? That was rude!

Once again, Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua still have no idea what the hell is going on with them. Why do all peak lords behave so strangely? Why do they keep insisting that they go see a fortune teller? What the hell are they talking about???

[stlamb]

you don't have to throw it all away to become new again

[ayilings]

do we fuck with black parade hatsune miku [wip] 💀🖤

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF movie Mike meets Jeremy Fitzgerald

[grimfantas]

10 years in the future for Nanako-chan

[pemprika]

an untainted innocence

[hansoeii]

thorin

[dooblebrain]

slams credit card on table ANOTHER ONE

unstoppable existential dread vs immovable idgaf who will win

I need to space out all my dr. coomer angst comics lol

[sunderwight]

y'know I think that if Liu Qingge actually did tell Shen Qingqiu (SY version) that he was lonely and asked him to be intimate with him, even just for tonight, as speculated in the Airplane Q&A, Shen Qingqiu would go for it.

like probably not after he married Luo Binghe (because infidelity), and at first I think he'd blank in shock and he'd need to quadruple check that he had correctly gleaned Liu Qingge's (extremely blunt) meaning, but after that... yeah. I think he would

because I think he'd want to, because he is attracted to Liu Qingge, he's just repressed about it. so I imagine his thought process would go:

-oh no I'm straight I can't sleep with Liu Qingge

-also this would be a terrible ethical violation because I'm his shixiong

-although as fellow peak lords we're basically equals so that probably doesn't matter so much

-I mean he is asking me after all it's not like I'm perving on him or anything here

-wow this is so deeply sad for Liu-shidi who has turned to me of all random people in his hour of need, only to be rejected

-is he sex pollen'd? he doesn't look it...

-I'm sure lots of people would jump at the chance to be with someone as handsome and capable as him! does he not know that? are people not jumping at the chance to be with him?

-I guess not if he's lonely?

-how incredibly stupid of them! the incomparable war god of bai zhan is a catch!

-this really is too tragic to tolerate. I can't possibly turn him down now, what if it's a blow to his pride that he never recovers from? a man needs his pride! gay men even more than most probably! that's what that whole gay pride thing is about, right?!

-so in a way it would be homophobic to reject him

-and well if it's just for one night... I mean, the truly heterosexual man should be comfortable in his sexuality... obviously I find the idea intolerable, however, it might be even more intolerable at this point to turn him down. for basic decency reasons that would compel anyone, not just me

-there are probably lesbians who would make an exception for Liu-shidi I mean just look at him

-and who is more confident in his dislike of oranges, the man who has tried one and confirmed his distaste, or the man who has never eaten an orange in his life? in a way, isn't having sex with Liu-shidi this one time actually the straightest thing I could do?

-(has sex with Liu Qingge)

-(enjoys it)

[meltedmush]

Bulk post of my weekly illustrations!

[funeral]

The creative person is constantly seeking to discover himself, to remodel his own identity, and to find meaning in the universe through what he creates. He finds this a valuable integrating process which, like meditation or prayer, has little to do with other people, but which has its own separate validity. His most significant moments are those in which he attains some new insight, or makes some new discovery; and these moments are chiefly, if not invariably, those in which he is alone.

Anthony Storr, Solitude: A Return to the Self