#rewatched this last night with my bestie

[miwtual]

THE LOST BOYS (1987) dir. Joel Schumacher

[kittyandco]

screw it, adding ratigan to my house of mouse AU

he's still a tiny rat obviously because everyone retains their canon forms (except the CG characters. i need an excuse to imagine hans as 2D). so it's especially Weird to everyone how we're besties. like he's an actual evil rat and i'm just a human doing too much for her pay grade, but we get along really well? at first ppl think i just want to get close to felicia (which i do. very much.), but the rat and i have a great time actually

[ambreiiigns]

anyway. carlotta & fam left this morning :( so :( i'm sleeping some more and then i'll be watching wrestling all day until i have to go out w friends

[uzubebe]

purgatory

type: one shot

pairings: dean winchester x fem!reader (mutual pining, friends to lovers?), sam winchester x fem!reader (estranged besties)

disclaimer: i don’t write often, but i’ve been rewatching supernatural and i have so many idea. this may not be the best, but just some self indulgence. i love sammy with my whole heart but he needed to be told off ok.

summary: the dick was dead. dean and cas were gone. and you didn’t rest a wink while searching for them. unfortunately it turns out dean wasn’t the only one sam abandoned that year.

“cmon there has the be something” you sighed, aimlessly scrolling through 14 open tabs on your laptop and a pile of messy papers scattered across the motel table. you slammed your hands on the table in frustration, letting out a shaky breath and gripping your fists tight.

it had been a year. an entire year without dean winchester. the second he vanished you had delved into aimless research in a desperate attempt to find him. you had to busy yourself, because thinking about his absence for too long caused an indescribable pain to open up in your chest.

you had only broken down three times in your year long search, which you figured was a record for someone going through what you were. you’d spent countless nights crying yourself into restless sleep, sleep filled with dreams and nightmares about the eldest winchester.

you crammed your hands to your tired eyes in a hurry, shaking your head vigorously in an attempt to wake yourself. you had to focus because you sure as hell knew sam wasn’t doing anything about it.

after deans disappearance sam explained that he needed time and space, which you understood. you cared for him just as much as you cared for his eldest brother. he had been your best friend for as long as you could remeber. and this was his brother, someone he didn’t want to learn how to live without.

you didn’t realize that time and space meant him also disappearing for an entire year with zero contact. you tried to understand him in the beginning, tried to rationalize why he would leave with no warning or explanation, because there had to be one right ? after four months you decided he wasn’t coming back and it was your job to find his brother.

you felt tears well in the corners on your eyes, inhaling a sharp breath and stretching your arms to regain your composure, gearing up for more research instead of dwelling on the loneliness.

you were pulled from your thoughts as your phone began vibrating vigorously from your bag. you quickly pulled yourself from the chair, feeling your body creak, this year had aged you in more ways than one.

you pulled your phone from the bag and froze. you narrowed your eyes, studying the caller id in absolute astonishment.

dean winchester.

you scoffed in disbelief, settling on the first emotion that bumbled up your throat, anger. you quickly hit the answer button.

“listen, i don’t know who the fuck this is. but lose this fucking number, i don’t have time for prank-“ you started spitting vigorously into the phone, being cut off at the gruff laugh that echoed through the speaker.

“…dean?” you whispered. it couldn’t be. how was he calling you?

“yeah, y/n. it’s me” he said softly, this time the tears came pouring out without warning, you let out a sad sob mixed with some kind of laugh.

“where are you? please tell me where you are.” you begged, he quickly gave you his address and within second you were tumbling into your car and speeding to him.

-

once arriving you let out a sigh, mentally preparing yourself for something you had been longing for for the last year. after 2-3 seconds of this you decided you couldn’t wait a second longer. you barreled out of the car and began your search for their motel room, suddenly turning into an olympic runner as you looked at each room number. you breath hitched in your chest as you finally arrived in front of the door. you knocked briefly before swiftly barreling into the room. nothing could’ve stopped you from getting inside that room, and there was no time for pleasantries and manners.

“dean!?” you screeched, scanning the room. your eyes landed on him as he stood from the motel bed to greet you, a sense of overwhelming relief washed over you as you ran to him.

within second you were in his arm, tears flooding your eyes as you buried your head into his chest. you felt an arm tighten around you waist, as he cradled the back of your head with his free hand.

“shh, it’s okay y/n. i’m here. i’ve got you.” he whispered, trying to calm you from the heartbreaking sobs escaping your chest. you gripped the back of his shirt, pulling him as close as you could, fearing that if you let go he may disappear once again. after what felt like hours and finally realizing that this was real, you slowly pulled for him allowing him a minute to truly study your appearance.

you looked exhausted. your hair that had been previously above your shoulders now hanging loosely below your shoulder blades, tangled and messy. the bags under your eyes had grown, and you looked like you hadn’t eaten a proper meal in ages.

“y/n…what happened? are you okay?” he asked, concern flooding into his pretty green eyes. you let out a laugh and wiped your nose. you moved from him slightly, opting to grip one of his hands to keep yourself grounded.

“uh..you happened. i’ve been looking in every nook and cranny in this god forsaken country trying to find you.” you explained, sending him a melancholy smile. he studied you, pulling you to him and setting a soft kiss to your forehead.

“thank you. i’m sorry. i wish i could’ve been here.” he whispered, setting his forehead to yours. you closed your eyes, smiling softly.

“you’re here now.” you realized, letting out a breath that it felt like you had been holding for the past year. it felt like you had been suffocating all this time, and seeing him finally allowed you to breath properly again. you were basking in this feeling, inhaling the fresh oxygen that would only be provided by the presence of dean winchester.

you were trapped in your thoughts, that was until you heard a slight cough from behind dean, interrupting your moment.

“if you’re going to say something. don’t.” you demanded moving from dean, and seeing his younger brother sitting awkwardly on the bed behind him.

“listen-“ sam began, but you quickly cut him on, shaking your head as you moved further into his view.

“no sam. i don’t have to listen. you left. crowley told you that you were on your own and you just took his fucking word and ran with it. i was here. i was here the entire time and you just left ! so you don’t get to tell me to “listen.” not when i spent the last year destroying myself to find your brother, while you went off and got a fucking dog.” you spat, sam straightened up slightly, fidgeting with his hands. you were shaking uncontrollably, the prior moment of bliss was being overpowered by the rage and loneliness you had kept locked up throughout the last year.

“how do you…?” he asked, trailing off as he tried to gain the courage to meet your eyes again. you let out a cynical laugh, balling your hands into a tight fist.

“yeah. i looked for you. i was concerned. i needed to make sure you were okay. but you’ll never guess what i found. to my pleasant surprise i saw you playing house with a pretty brunette and friendly little dog. so you’ll have to give me a lot more than a sob story about how you couldn’t handle dean being gone for me to ever forgive you.” you said, moving closer to sam. he hadn’t ever seen you this way, so angry. he had to admit he was slightly unnerved and almost scared.

“because you know who else couldn’t handle it ? me. but i didn’t just lose dean, i lost you too. i called you daily for weeks, desperate for some kind of explanation. i was going out of my mind, alone in dingy motel rooms without the two people i needed most. and then, after a few months, i couldn’t even get your voicemail, just an automated voice telling me i was desperately trying to reach a disconnected number.” you were seething. you felt like every vessel pumping your blood was boiling, your raging heartbeat pounding in your ears, you thought you might pass out.

“so i don’t want to hear about how there was “a girl.” because there was a girl here the whole goddamn time. a girl who had been by your side for years. and you. still. left.” you continued, sam found himself staring at the floor, studying its pattern, because he couldn’t take the look of absolute betrayal that consumed your eyes.

“and guess what ? i didn’t get the fairytale year you had. because my person, the one i wanted to be with. the one i wanted to settle down and get a fucking dog with, was gone!” sam flinched at your tone. by the end of it, you found yourself screaming, throat feeling hoarse as you finally took a breath.

you calmed instantly as you felt deans hand reach for yours. you inhaled a deep breath and turned to him. not even realizing you had practically confessed to the years of pent of feelings you had for the man.

“y/n. i understand. really, i’m upset too. angry even. but let’s take a breather, yeah? you need a good meal, and an even better nap. why don’t we get out of here, give each other some space, regroup later?” dean suggested. you hadn’t noticed his watery eyes and unsteady voice. he was brought almost to tears at the state you were in, at what his absence had caused. you nodded slowly moving closer to him. sam slowly stood up.

“just call me when you guys are ready. y/n…i’m sorry. i really am.” he whispered, you didn’t turn around to look at him. you knew yourself well enough to know that those puppy dog eyes would make you feel insurmountable guilt, they always had. but you didn’t regret what you had said, it was the truth. and right now, you weren’t sure what could help you forgive your former best friend.

dean gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. he looked back to sam and sent him a sad smile as he led you out of the motel room.

he stopped and turned to you once the door clicked shut. he studied you, narrowing his eyes as you suddenly became incredibly fascinated with the small rock next to your left foot. you forgot what it felt like to have him watching you so intensely.

“where were you?” you whispered, finally meeting his gaze, relief washing over you instantly, he was here. he was real.

“uh…purgatory. guess standing to close to dick when he died gave me a one way ticket to his afterlife.” dean explained, you scoffed slightly, mentally punching yourself at the realization.

“fucking purgatory. of course. i should’ve figured that out. god.” you cursed yourself, how could you have been so stupid ? of course he was in fucking purgatory. dean picked up on the fact that you were internally blaming yourself for his disappearance and immediately took action.

“hey. hey.” he whispered, settings his hands on either side of your face, forcing you to look at him. he bent down to your level, a stern look on his face.

“do not, for one second, blame yourself. none of this was your fault, and you’ve done more than i could’ve ever anticipated. i know it was a hard, even excruciating year, but i’m here now. and i’m not going anywhere.” dean insisted, you studied the look in his eyes. it was one you hadn’t seen from him before, or maybe it had been so long that you just needed to re-educate yourself on his mannerisms.

“okay. thank you.” you whispered, setting one of your hands atop his. he scoffed slightly at you thanking him, when they should’ve all been thanking you.

“cmon, let’s get you something to eat sweetheart.” dean smiled, moving to your side, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and walking you towards the car. you nuzzled into his side, wrapping your arms instinctively around his waist.

“think i made sam cry.” you scoffed slightly, replaying the intense speech you shoved down sam’s throat.

“yeah well i’m thinking maybe he needed to hear it.” dean stated, you let out a sigh and nodded.

“and for the record, i would’ve really liked it. settling down and getting a dog with you. i wouldn’t have wanted to do it with anyone else.” dean declared, setting his lips to the top of your head, feeling him slightly smile into your hair. you’re smile grew, it felt like your heart was finally beating normally again. you dug your head further into his side in embarrassment.

“well i guess we’ll just have to make up for lost time.” you whispered, giving deans waist a reassuring squeeze.

“great plan, so we thinking doberman? golden retriever? maybe something small like a chihuahua or something?” dean joked, pulled you tighter into his chest with a laugh.

“shut up” you giggled, punching his chest playfully, sending him a big grin as he continued to chuckle. and since being back, dean felt okay again, at least for that moment. cause the two of you were together once again, and he had the ability to make you smile like that. he wanted to do it for the rest of his life.

[starsandhughes]

Penalty Box Series— Quinn Hughes Edition (nine)

ft. Wyatt Johnston

23-24 Season Masterlist

previous: eight

next: ten

NOVEMBER 4, 2023

if you're not a stars fan, it's best to convert quickly

yourusername

liked by _quinnhughes, t.harley48, and 17,436 others

yourusername welcome back to my postgame penalty box update show: i finally saw a mason marchment fight live and quinn was also there edition!

after quinn's personal record of three trips to the penalty box night, he decided to be good! this was probably due to the fact that i will fight him over any penalty against the stars (hey, remember when you committed interference against robo on february 27th last season? because i sure do), but we'll pretend it was because he's trying to redeem himself since my baby daddy trevy-z is at zero. the war is strong with these two!

you know who did get a penalty? one of my new besties wyatt "johnny" johnston! his penalty was for holding mikheyev in the second period! (holding penalties aren't ones i hold grudges against, so you're in the clear! but also you do nothing wrong ever, so i wouldn't hold it against you anyways) (p.s. i wouldn't have been mad if you fought garly... i was kinda rooting for it)

other penalties include: (in time order) digi for holding against another new bestie harls, mr. captain jamie benn for hooking soucy which created 39 seconds of 4 on 4, craig smith for hooking friedman, and laffy taffy for hooking wyatt's dad joe pavelski all in the first, esa lindell for cross checking garly, hronek for high sticking my blonde prince roope hintz (he got reprimanded for this), and our two fighting majors between the blue eyed menace mason marchment and ian! (mason got an extra minor for unsportsmanlike behavior) (ian was reprimanded for his hit against matt "dutchy" duchene that started the fight)

my best friend, quintin, pulled a jacky boy and fell over nothing! the conversation between the stars broadcasters went like this:

razor: "he was having a moment back there!"

bogo: "he was playing billiards off the bottom of the net to himself!"

razor: "well, he wiped out first!"

needless to say, i was laughing my ass off when i rewatched this game!

special shoutout to demmer for continuing his perfect win streak against the stars and getting his second shut out of the season! i’m so proud of you @/tdemko35 ! (for those who don't know, he has a 7-0-0 record and just gave otter his first regulation loss of the season :))

quinny, i’m going to publicly say i’m sorry that otter caught every one of your shots on goal <3 and i’m proud of your 25 minutes and 23 seconds of hard work tonight! i love you way past infinity💙 keep it up, buttercup!

p.s. dear wy, harls, and delly, thanks for the great time before the game tonight! i hope you loved your postgame goodie bags! i’ll see you boys december 21st! peace and love, new besties <3 @/t.harley48 @/wyattjohnston_ @/tydellandrea53

tagged _quinnhughes and wyattjohnston_

view all 218 comments

_quinnhughes i have so many grievances about this post... but i still love you way past beyond

yourusername i didn't say one bad thing about you!! just one little tease that i teased jack at the same!!

_quinnhughes i'm sharing my post!

yourusername neither broadcast gave me much to work with, quintin! just be glad you're in it

_quinnhughes get out of my house

yourusername fine! i’ll go to petey's!

_eliaspettersson @/yourusername let yourself in and i’ll be back soon

_quinnhughes @_eliaspettersson i was teasing! she's good! she's staying with me!

colecaufield @_quinnhughes quinn, your possessiveness is showing

_quinnhughes @/colecaufield i don't know what you're talking about

yourusername @_quinnhughes awww, you miss me! sap

_quinnhughes i can't win

user14 god DAMN that fifth pic of quinn has me acting up🥵🧎‍♀️

trevorzegras your stars obsession is so cute when you aren't rooting against me❤️ i love you, forever, my precious weirdo (what are you private thoughts on quinn not scoring on otter?) (come home, i miss you)

yourusername i love you, always, my lovingly crazy boy❤️ (i plead the fifth) (i’ll be there before the game!)

_quinnhughes (we all know she's secretly happy i didn't score against her actual favorite team)

yourusername @_quinnhughes (you can't prove shit)

t.harley48 @/yourusername (what is up with the parentheses?)

yourusername @/t.harley48 (it's for private conversations!)

t.harley48 @/yourusername (everyone can read them?)

trevorzegras @/t.harley48 (she's quirky and we love her)

t.harley48 @/trevorzegras (i’m a big fan of quirky)

yourusername @/t.harley48 (then you're welcome that i exist!)

trevorzegras @/t.harley48 (i repeat: she's quirky and we love her)

t.harley48 @/yourusername (thank you)

_quinnhughes @/t.harley48 (you caught on quick, good job)

tdemko35 thank you, y/n/n! my two shutout trophies will be displayed in my living room. i love you, too!

yourusername you are every so welcome, king! keep gobbling up those pucks like they're fruit snacks🫶

tdemko35 yes, ma'am🫡

_quinnhughes @/yourusername why

yourusername @_quinnhughes "why don't you just be yourself?... no one can help but admire your spirit" (collins 121).

_quinnhughes @/yourusername YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE HUNGER GAMES BOOK ON YOU

yourusername @_quinnhughes i had to phone a friend

trevorzegras @/yourusername i think i’m more than just a friend

yourusername @_quinnhughes i had to phone a friend with benefits

trevorzegras @/yourusername WE ARE ENGAGED

yourusername @_quinnhughes i had to phone a friend with a future tax deduction

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras looks like you can't win either

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes i blame the stars

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras me too

yourusername @/trevorzegras @_quinnhughes LEAVE THEM ALONE! THEY DIDN'T DO SHIT!

_quinnhughes @/yourusername you're right, they couldn't even score a goal

yourusername @_quinnhughes too soon, quintin. too. fucking. soon.

user21 wyatt's kinda...👀

user16 "and quinn was also there" sissy's keeping it real as always

wyattjohnston_ i’m honored to be a part of this, your majesty

yourusername i’m always happy to support my people! you deserve it!

wyattjohnston_ you're too kind!

tydellandrea53 @/yourusername and you're such a giver, princess! the guys all loved your postgame goodie bags

t.harley48 all hail the princess!

wyattjohnston_ all hail!

tydellandrea53 all hail!

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes what the fuck happened when these four met up before the game????

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras i don't know i wasn't invited and i’m really glad about that right now

trevorzegras @/wyattjohnston_ @/t.harley48 @.tydellandrea53 send a disco ball emoji you need help

wyattjohnston_ @/trevorzegras we're good😂

tydellandrea53 @/trevorzegras we formed a gang

t.harley48 @/trevorzegras y/n's the princess, johnny is the duke, i'm the viscount, and delly asked to be a jester for some reason

tydellandrea53 damn right

trevorzegras @/yourusername you leave me for two days and decided to start a gang?! without me?!

yourusername @/trevorzegras no! delly started the gang! and just be happy you knew where i was this time!

wyattjohnston_ @/trevorzegras @/yourusername this time?

trevorzegras @/wyattjohnston_ she has a tendency to hop on a plane and not tell anyone where she's going

_quinnhughes @/wyattjohnston_ @/t.harley48 @.tydellandrea if she ever randomly shows up, do us a favor and tell one of us because there'll be a strong chance we didn't know she left

t.harley48 @_quinnhughes got it🫡

wyattjohnston_ @_quinnhughes will do

tydellandrea53 @_quinnhughes no promises

user27 sissy: ceo of "never let them know your next move"

_alexturcotte one fight wasn't enough for you? do you know how to be content?

yourusername nope

_alexturcotte at least you're honest

yourusername liars get their pants set on fire! the babies could get hurt!

_alexturcotte you make a great point, girly hughes!

jackhughes @_alexturcotte does she though?

_alexturcotte @/jackhughes she's carrying my future god child and their sibling. she could tell me that there's a new state and i’d tell her she's right

jackhughes @_alexturcotte sissy and z haven't officially named you as a god parent!

_alexturcotte @/jackhughes that's why i'm kissing ass!

yourusername @_alexturcotte the ass kissing is duly noted🤍

user91 i have been waiting for this post since the nhl dropped the game schedules

jackhughes @_quinnhughes do you want to ship sissy back to trevor yet?

_quinnhughes no i’m trying to keep her for the roadie

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes not happening

jamie.drysdale @_quinnhughes i'm already having withdrawal symptoms

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale you two get her every day! i miss my sister

jackhughes @/trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale @_quinnhughes lukey and i never get to see her! we want a turn!

lhughes_06 yeah! our turn!

colecaufield @/trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale @_quinnhughes @/jackhughes @/lhughes_06 I DESERVE A TURN

_alexturcotte @/trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale @_quinnhughes @/jackhughes @/lhughes_06 @.colecaufield ME FIRST! i’m pulling the ahl card! i get to see girly hughes less than any of you!

yourusername you're all a bunch of SAPS

[haroldtea]

hi bestie okay so i rewatched all of lok season four in the past twenty four hours and i also reread several chapters of complicated do you uhhh have more wuko fic recs for me <3

reporting for duty 🫡

i’ll start off first of course by linking complicated, in case anyone who follows me still doesn’t know that this is one of THE fics of all time. but beware you WILL come out of it a full wuko believer. jo is proof.

part 2 of complicated (a mid fic wu pov snippet)

part 3 of complicated which takes place after complicated, which i have never read??? it came out only a few months ago?? brb

i basically recommend every wuko fic the complicated authors have ever done:

bad liar (this one was put on permanent hiatus i guess :/ the most recent chapter sets up how the last chapter might’ve gone pretty well so… i just kinda imagine it’s complete lol)

in the dark

so good it hurts

boy problems

haunted house

stone cold

yours, wu

other wuko fics i loved:

on a cold winter night

take my hand written by YOU!! it’s crazy bc i probably read this way before i ever got into zukka not knowing i would and that we would become friends!

the art of wu(ing) which is part 2 of a zukka fic, which lowkey made me at least appreciate zukka from a distance, which led me to read blue and then we were done lol. basically you can thank this fic for me even being part of zukka nation

these are fics i haven’t read yet but look great:

i’m feeling good (like i never should)

negative space

this might sound weird but i like you

mako and the terrible, awful, no-good, very bad road trip - i have been waiting for this one to get completed before i read the whole thing but i might cave

i’m also gonna cc @kingwuko on this post bc they are my fav wuko blog and might have other fic recs that haven’t crossed my radar! xoxoxo

[losticaruss]

me??? make a long melodramatic post???? shocking

anyways sentimental sappy stuff under the cut

so. happy one year to lockwood and co i guess??

i cannot begin to describe how much this show helped me. this time last year my mental health was shot. i was burnt out, homesick, and probably a million other things that i don't need to go into right now. i remember exactly when i found the show. it was friday night, my roomate was back at her house for the weekend, so i had the dorm to myself. i can't believe that i just happened to find this show on the night it came out.

i know exactly when i began to love it. episode two. lucy had climbed out of the cab with lockwood and was threatening to quit. she was yelling at lockwood about his "inability" to feel his emotions and she says "i know you can flip your emotions off like a switch but i am drowning here, lockwood." and something in me snapped. i felt seen by these characters like nothing ive experienced before.

and this community. these people on this silly app where you can talk about your silly little characters as much as you want with no judgement. you were all so kind and so excited, and i was able to talk and interact with so many people who loved the show as much as i did (still do, btw). i met my first mutual from lco ( shoutout @rainysaturdayafternoon my bestie and beloved).

i found myself rewatching the show over and over again. and when that wasn't enough, people were coming out with new fanfics about them, and i found out it was a book series (i still remember how excited i was to find out there was so much with these characters that i can still experience), and the fanart was astounding. this community, this show, saved me in a way that i didn't know was possible. so i'm here to say thank you. thank you to jonathan stroud for making the book series. thank you to everyone involved with the show for making that happen. thank you to ali and cam and ruby for giving the characters life. thank you to you, on tumblr, for being here and being lovely. portland row is my home, and i hope it's still yours too.

[chenfordspiral]

A Chenford Thesis on 5x12

Hello hello, I’m back with another Chenford ‘thesis’, or whatever we wanna call these things! This time, 5x12 will be taken apart as I try to analyze every little detail that I’ve noticed during my approximately 936481 rewatches. 

Be warned. I thought my essay for 5x08 was long. But this one has taken the cake. And I seriously have no idea when or how the f*** that happened. Anyway, if you’re interested and willing to sacrifice some of your time, enjoy the next... no. I better don't say how long this actually is...

Let’s start this whole thing with the episode's cold open.

I love how Tim has always been the one to open doors and let Lucy walk in, or out, first. As early as 1x03, he’s been the one to hold the doors open. And did you catch Lucy’s excited look after she says “I love your music” to Kelly Clarkson? She’s looking toward Tim, wanting to share her excitement with him. Because he’s the one she wants to enjoy and share everything with. 

I don’t know why these two little details make me so giddy and wanna squeal with joy, but they do. 

I’m just so completely gone for them at this point. 

I’m barely ten sentences in, and I’m already struggling to keep writing because I can’t stop my little happy dance.

This is gonna be great.  

We jump to the next (?) morning, and see Tamara doing yoga in her and Lucy’s apartment. I’m so glad she’s finally back. I’ve been wondering where in the world she’s been since we last saw her in 5x03. 

Lucy comes out of her bedroom, surprising Tamara a bit: “You’re here,” to which Lucy responds sarcastically “I live here.” But then Tamara lets her, and all of us, know why she’s surprised. “I went to bed at one and you still weren’t home.” “Oh, I came home around then. I must have just missed you. Trivia went late.” “And how was trivia?” 

Yeah, we can all tell by the way she asks that she knows that Lucy’s lying to her. We don’t know what happened the night before, but Tamara definitely knows that trivia is not where Lucy was. This is shaping up to become an interesting conversation between these two honorary sisters. 

Lucy has a whole cover story already planned, like she did the episode before when Nolan asked her and Tim what they did the night before (not that he was asking them about their plans together, he was just making conversation). “Amazing. I came up with this obscure fact about Josephine Baker so I’m feeling pretty good about myself.” This actually sounds believable, right? If it weren’t for the way Tamara asked before, I’d totally buy that story. But Tamara knows better than me. 

“You are such a smooth liar. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. All that undercover training.” 

Oh, Lucy. You’re being called out here. Tamara knows you well enough to spot your lies at this point. But, as always, Lucy denies. “I’m not lying.” But her little sister ain’t letting her off the hook here. She needs confirmation. And she needs Lucy to know that she knows. Whatever that may be. 

“I saw Tim drop you off.” Busted. No point in hiding it anymore, Lucy. 

And can I just briefly say how happy it makes me that Tamara is the first person to officially know they’re dating? Yes, I suspect that Genny knows, too. But we never saw that. Tamara is the first person whose reaction we’ve seen on screen. These two have started out as a rookie and her ‘puppy’ and are now roomies/besties/sisters – simply put: family. It’s so wonderful to see how far they’ve come.

Lucy realizes that there’s no way she can deny anything here anymore. Which means that something must have happened that made it perfectly clear to Tamara that it wasn’t just a friendly get together between two friends, but that they’re actually together together now. No, I’m totally not imagining them making out like teenagers in his truck. Nope. Not at all.

Lucy lets her bag fall to the floor unceremoniously, almost literally dropping the weight that’s been on her shoulders because she’s been keeping her relationship with Tim a secret. Finally, there’s at least one person she can share this with. “Urgh. Thank god! I am so over coming up with cover stories.” Yeah, I’d be, too. 

She quickly moves around the couch to sit down on it in front of Tamara as she says it. And that girl needs details. “Ok, why the big secret? You’re both single.” Well, technically they’re not. Not anymore, at least. Lucy was single for all of three minutes before Tim asked her out. But Tamara’s asking what we’re all wondering. Why are you still hiding this? Yes, we have the job issue, but that could be taken care of so you could be together officially. What’s holding you back?

“I mean, we’re just keeping it under wraps until we figure things out.” Okay. That makes sense. Neither one of them is ready to face those professional changes yet, are they? Because it’s such a big part of who they are. Working together is how they met. How they got to know each other. It’s where they fell in love with each other. It’s hard having to let that go. 

But they will have to, eventually. Nope, I don’t think I’m liking this any more than they are. Because it’s how we fell in love with these two, as well. Side by side, riding together in the shop. Okay, they haven’t done that regularly for quite some time, but still. 

And Tamara catches on remarkably quickly. So she lets it be and switches topics. Ish. “Well, if you ever need me to, uh, clear out for the night, you know, play my music real loud, just let me know.” Ooh, did she really just go there? Wow. These two must be as close as we all think they are for her to be comfortable enough to talk about this kind of thing. 

Lucy’s trying to hide her laugh by pressing her lips together because she did not expect that from her little sis. “We’re not sleeping together.” Now that’s got Tamara intrigued. And confused. Look at her reaction. She can’t think of any reason why these two would not have slept together at this point. She clearly was not expecting that. “Why not?”

Lucy takes a moment before she answers. “We’re… taking it slow. We wanna do this right.” There we have it. She wants to make sure she doesn’t screw anything up. Not that sleeping together would do that. But she wants to just be with him before going any further. And again, I admire her for that. And she says we. Because she knows that they’re in this together. And that Tim respects her choices and wishes. 

“So, you’re not sure how you feel?” Again, Tamara can’t really come up with any reason as to why they haven’t done it yet other than this. Because that would explain why they’re holding off on that. She doesn’t know how long they’ve been together, but she knows that it’s weird for Lucy not to have slept with him yet. And they’re both adults, right? 

“No, I know exactly how I feel. I mean, this is the most amazing relationship I’ve been in since… ever.” Wow. It’s only been a few weeks, they haven’t even taken each other’s clothes of, and yet, she knows this is the most amazing relationship she’s ever had. Yup, girl is in love. And I couldn’t be happier with that knowledge. Because it’s so amazing to hear her say that out loud. But it’s just making Tamara wonder even more. 

“Okay, and you’re waiting why, again?” Yeah Lucy, why are you waiting? Well, we kind of know why. She and Tim still haven’t talked about the obvious elephant in the room: he’s her boss. They can’t actually be together because the LAPD doesn’t allow it. But she considers Tamara’s point of view. ‘You know you love each other, you’re happy, why are you waiting?’

Which is what gives us one of the most unexpected little Chenford moments in TR history. Okay, that sounded dramatic, and it wasn’t even unexpected anymore when the episode actually aired, because we’d seen the sneak peek, but still – unexpected that it happened at all. Tim and Lucy greet each other in the parking lot before their shift, moving to walk side by side and falling into step. Both of them reach for the other. Tim ‘I hate public displays of affection’ Bradford can’t keep his hand to himself and taps her thigh while she brushes his hand with hers.

I can’t believe this moment actually happened. These two don’t care that they’re surrounded by a dozen cops who could’ve spotted their little flirty gestures. Also, they saw each other, what, a few hours before and yet, can’t keep their hands to themselves? Gosh, I love them. They’re so in love. 

I love that Tim is willing to display his affection. We barely saw any of that with his previous girlfriends, and definitely not in public. Him and Blondie Bitchface barely treated each other as if they were dating. It all just felt forced. But with Lucy, it’s natural. Because he adores her and wants to be close to her at all times. And look at that damn smile. Oh, our boy is so. Freaking. Happy. 

Lucy takes a moment to recollect herself before she lets Tim know: “Uhm, tonight is the night.” We all know this was coming thanks to the promo and sneak peek, but Tim definitely did not. He turns to look at her and furrows his brows. Something tells me that they must’ve had a moment or two where they were close to crossing that final line, but Lucy said not yet; not tonight. So he’s pleasantly surprised with where this conversation is going. “Really?”

And look at the way Lucy’s smiling at him before he asks. Yeah, she’s definitely enjoying being able to catch him off guard like this. “Yes, really,” she says in a tone of voice that has me going weak. And leaves no room for questioning. How is Tim supposed to say no to that? Look at that excited smile once he realizes that she means what he thinks she meant. And then he doesn’t miss a beat. Because he’s been ready for that for a while. 

“My place or yours? Jealous dog, or nosy roommate?” And, omg. I’m only now fully realizing the heavy side eye she gives him while he’s talking. Yup. She’s ready, too. But as the words register, she stops walking and lets him know that “Tamara knows.” Whoops. Tim ain’t looking too happy about it. “What? You told her?!” “No, she has eyes. I didn’t have to.”

Uhm, Lucy. Yes, that is true. But what about the all the other people in your lives? Do they not have eyes, too? Do you really think you’ve been keeping this from everybody? I am certain that some of the people they’re closest to have figured it out. Or suspect there’s something going on. Both Grey and Aaron have definitely seen the change. Aaron maybe even more so than anyone else because he’s been riding with both of them. He’s also the only person, aside from Tim, who knew that she wanted to break up with Assford.  

Lucy keeps talking. Yes, Tamara knows, “But, she is staying at her friends tonight, so.” Soooo, he can come over and they can do stuff. Somebody please tell these two to stop looking at each other all hot and bothered in front of the station. At this rate, everyone will know without either one of them needing to say a word. 

“Hey.” Oh, thank god. Or in this case, Grey. Watch how fast they snap out of their little bubble, put a foot of distance between them and turn toward Grey. They can try all they want, but he definitely saw them looking at each other. Oooh, if he didn’t suspect before, which he totally did, he definitely does now. “Coincidence, I was just gonna call you. Lopez needs Aaron’s help on a surveillance. So I was thinking, why don’t you two ride together today?” 

They share a quick look before answering. “Great.” “Yeah, whatever you need, sir.” 

Aaaand, more reason for Grey to suspect something’s happening between them. Remember how uncomfortable they were at the idea of having to ride together again in 5x08? And now they share one quick look and agree with no hesitation? Yeah, they’re really making this easy for him. 

Also, I’m convinced that Grey takes the opportunity here to hopefully make them realize that they need to talk about the work thing and eventually officially let him know. He’s let them be since he noticed the change in their relationship, but he’s still a professional. He can’t in good conscience let them work together like this for too much longer. He’s subtly trying to give them a nudge in the right direction.

Grey walks off, leaving Tim and Lucy standing in the parking lot.

“Mmmh, this is gonna be awkward.” I have to agree with Lucy here. Before, they were going into work thinking they’d just see each other at the end of shift. They could spend the entire day thinking about what’s gonna happen later that night, but it’d be fine because they’re not together all the time. Now, they have to spend the rest of the day in close proximity knowing what they wanna do later. That does sound a little awkward. 

They start walking toward the entrance, immediately gravitating toward each other again. They literally can’t stay apart from each other, it’s like they’re attached at the hip. And I just love how comfortable they are with that. 

Anyway. Tim disagrees with her. “Doesn’t have to be. We’ve ridden together hundreds of times.” “Never as a couple.” COUPLE! It is now in fact canon that one of them has referred to them as a couple. And Lucy’s the one saying it first! Nope, I’m not freaking out. 

But she has a point. This is different. 

“On the streets we won’t be.” Haha, Timothy. You keep telling yourself that you can completely separate professional and personal here. If you could, you two wouldn’t even be dating in the first place. “So, are you telling me that you’re not gonna be thinking about tonight?” (Does she say so or sir? I still don’t know.) And oh, now she’s the one holding the door open for him? How I love these two. He takes a beat before, very unconvincingly, answering “Not at all. Thank you.” 

Lucy looks at him as he walks inside. “Me neither,” she says as she proceeds to drop her gaze to check out his ass. Lucy, my girl. You’re very subtle. Don’t be shocked if half the station’s already suspecting you’re together. You’re already kind of acting as if everybody knows. How bad is this going to be once it’s actually official? 

Moving on. 

“I could tell Grey I got food poisoning.” Interesting. I love how much Lucy doesn’t want them to ride together today. But I have to wonder why. Is it more than just about what she’d planned for tonight? Or is it also a way of avoiding that talk they don’t seem to want to have yet? “Just to get out of riding with me?” Yup, Tim ain’t happy that she wants to get out of this. He likes spending time with her, no matter where it is. 

“Yeah. I mean, I get the day off. We avoid all this weirdness. Wins all around.” “You’re overthinking this. We leave our personal life at the door. Just like always.” Again, Timothy. If you had ever been able to do that with Lucy, you wouldn’t be dating. It’s been personal from day one. And it’s only gotten more personal since then. 

“Oh, and you can just shut it off? At 7:59, I’m your girlfriend.” His WHAT?! I’ll be honest. I squealed so loud that I feared I’d woken up one of my neighbors at two in the morning (hi to all my fellow Europeans out there). I was NOT expecting Lucy Chen, the woman who calls the guys she dates WIP rather than boyfriend, referring to herself as Tim’s girlfriend after a matter of weeks of being with him. 

Time and time again, she’s shown that this relationship with Tim is different to all her previous ones. And I love the progress here. She just wasn’t with the right person before. She tried to keep everyone at a distance as much as possible because she didn’t want to commit to anybody. Yes, she dated them, but that’s in part because it was fun to be with someone because at least she’d be with someone. 

But none of those relationships ever had a chance of lasting. The guys always seemed more invested than her. And the one guy we know that she actually referred to as her boyfriend is the one who cheated on her with her best friend. It’s hard to fully trust and commit to someone after that. Especially when you have Vanessa and Patrick Chen as your parents. 

But she’s found the one exception in Tim. So she’s perfectly happy to acknowledge their relationship for what it is. Because she trusts him. And she has faith in them to be able to make this work, no matter what. 

“At 8:01, I’m – I’m your what? Your subordinate?” “Yeah.” Tim looks very unimpressed. He can’t believe she doesn’t believe that he can separate the two. But Lucy knows better. “Really? Hmm.” She then proceeds to do this cute little pose as if she were asking ‘So how do I look? Notice anything?’ And oh, yup. Something seems a little off. But I couldn’t put my finger on it, either. “What?” asks Tim as he’s kind of mirroring her stance, totally oblivious. 

“My duty belt. My taser is on the wrong side. Normally you’d be all over me for something like this.” Oh, the taser, duh. Damn, I’m blind. Anyway. Lucy points it out: ‘normally.’ Because that’s what you’d kind of expect from Tim, right? On the job, he’s always been more of a hardass, especially while she was his rookie. Sure, he’s softened a bit toward her over time, but ultimately, he always made sure to let her know when she did something wrong. And not always in kind. 

So Lucy has a valid point. But we also know what he’s willing to do for the people he loves. We know what he almost did for Isabel. There’s no doubt he’d do the same for Lucy. 

“You did that on purpose?” “Mh-mh.” “You don’t do Tim Tests. I do Tim Tests.” “Well, that’s cause this isn’t a Tim Test. It’s a Lucy Lesson.” I cannot with these two. They really are two parts of one whole. Tim Tests, Lucy Lessons. What are they gonna put their future children through? Chenford Challenges? “And admit it. You are taking it easy on me. We’re not even on duty yet and our dynamic has changed.” 

And another little “Lucy arm touch”. Girl, your love is showing. And Tim is, again, less than impressed by what she has to say. He’s really not enjoying this and wants it to be over. “Get in the car.” “It’s called a shop.” Oh, the Lucy sass. I love it. Unlike Tim in this moment. He just stares at her and motions his finger for her to just get in the car. She smirks at him while she closes the trunk. 

I really should’ve seen what was coming from a mile away, but I didn’t.

When we next see them, they’re casually strolling down the sidewalk side by side, both holding to-go coffee cups in their hands. Lucy stops him with another little arm touch to get his attention. “Hey. So, you haven’t noticed?” I admit, I was expecting another ‘what?’ from Tim. But this time, he knew what she meant. “That you’re carrying your coffee in your gun hand? Of course I did. I just haven’t said anything because these Lucy Lessons are pointless.” 

Oh, Tim’s still a little grumpy about the whole thing. But at least he knew to expect another lesson. “You really don’t think you’re treating me differently?” I can answer this for Tim. No, he doesn’t. But he is, actually. We all remember 2x19, when he snapped at her for carrying the police tape in her gun hand instead of her left. His reaction now is the complete opposite. Tim, why are you denying this?

“You’re not a rookie. You wanna change up your duty belt, carry your coffee in your right hand, it’s up to you. You know. This isn’t about us. I’d give Thorsen the same leeway.” Would you though, Tim? No, she’s not a rookie anymore, and neither is Aaron. But that hasn’t stopped him from chastising them when they did something wrong, which would include keeping their gun hand free. So of course it is about them, Tim’s just in denial here. 

Why? Because Tim Bradford doesn’t like change. But he knows, deep down, that their work relationship has to change at some point in order for them to build a lasting personal and romantic relationship.  

And Lucy doesn’t believe him when he says it, either. She hums a very disbelieving mh-mh, definitely not buying it. I actually think it’s fascinating that Tim isn’t the one to consider the work issue, at all, as it seems. I always thought that they wouldn’t get together because Tim would never date a subordinate officer and break rules that way. I expected him to be like ‘Ok, no. We can’t do this. I want to, but we can’t’. 

I fully expected them to not get together until after they’d sorted out that problem. So now for Lucy to be the one to actually think about this and Tim being ignorant about it? Plot twist I did not see coming. But again, it makes sense, actually. Because Tim doesn’t like change.

They’re interrupted by a dispenser guy looking for help because another one, who we later learn is called Sergio, is threatening his business by parking his pot dispensary van basically in front of his store. I won’t go over this scene in detail, but will point out a few things. 

First, Tim just snatching the coffee cup out of Lucy’s hand to put aside. He’s always had a thing for snatching things out of her hand, and I don’t know why I enjoy that so much. But I’m glad the tradition continues. Second, they fall into an easy rhythm, working together seamlessly. And I don’t even have to point out the mirrored stances, do I? Third, their expressions when Sergio climbs into the van but can’t get away because he doesn’t have his keys. Perfection. And lastly, Tim’s “I don’t have time for this” as he grabs his radio. The whole scene is hilarious, but that last part always sends me. 

We jump to the station, where they’re processing Sergio. “Okay, so we are citing you out, which means we will not be talking your fingerprints or your mug shots as long as you promise to show up in court.” “Anything to get out of here.” Sergio grabs the bag after Lucy’s taken it out of the lockers and put it down in front of him. “Wait a minute. Where are my earrings?” “I put them in the bag.” “Sure you did. They’re a half carat each.” Only now is Tim looking up from his paperwork. Surely this guy isn’t insinuating that his girlfriend stole something, is he? 

“I didn’t take your earrings. I know they were in there.” “Must be a nice perk of the job. Pocket whatever catches your eye.” Oh, yeah. Tim’s a little pissed now. Look at the way he’s looking at Sergio. No one is allowed to accuse Lucy, of all people, of stealing. So he chimes in. “Sir, no one stole anything.” “This is robbery. Wait a minute. You had your gun – this is armed robbery.” Woah, woops. This guy ain’t holding back. 

“Ok, I’m sure your earrings will turn up and we’ll call you when we have them.” Is it just me or was Tim intentionally looking at Lucy for a few seconds while saying that as if to gauge her reaction? Like he was making sure that they’re on the same page and nothing was actually handled wrong? I don’t know, but while I was writing this, that look seemed a little calculating after staring at it for way too long. Or maybe it was just his way of saying ‘don’t worry, I got your back. You did nothing wrong’.

Guess I will never know. For now I’m a little undecided, but considering how the episode continues, it might’ve just been that reassuring ‘I got you’ look. 

Sergio is still pissed and demands a receipt, but Lucy tells him they don’t issue those. ”Look, it’s all in the police report. If you want to file a complaint, you can do so at the front desk on your way out.” He’s still grumpy when he leaves. Lucy turns back toward Tim: “I didn’t take the earrings.” “I know.” Ok, so maybe that look really was just a reassurance that he got her back, and I started reading too much into it while rewatching over and over again. Woopsie. Apologies for this little mess. Anyway.

“This stuff happens sometimes.” Look at you Tim. Totally defending your girl. But Lucy doesn’t like that. “No, it doesn’t. Not to me. God, I’ve been so focused on us. Did I screw up?” She looks at him a little pleadingly: ‘Tell me I didn’t make a mistake because I was the one too focused on us.’ And Tim doesn’t like that option, either. Because that would mean that he was part of the reason she screwed up. And that would be the worst thing for him. 

He doesn’t want her to fail in her job. Ever. But even less so if he thinks he was part of the problem or the catalyst for it. No, she would never blame him. And neither would any of us. But Tim is a master at blaming himself for things he’s not actually to blame for. So if Lucy did in fact screw up, he’d have to write her up. Because he’s the supervisor patrol sergeant, he takes care of these things. He’d be the reason she might get punished. 

And that just won’t do. 

Which is why they spend the next several minutes (hours?) looking for those earrings. But no luck. They can’t find them. Tim will literally not give up. “We’ll keep checking until we find them.” But Lucy reminds him that he needs to report it. “Wait. Okay, okay, okay, look. You need to file a memorandum with the chief. It’s protocol. I get it.” She seems perfectly content with the fact that he’ll have to do this. She’s not scared of what might happen to her. She just needs him to accept that he’ll have to report her soon. 

Tim’s not giving in though. “We’re not there yet.” “Well, how long can it wait?” “I have discretion with things like this. We find the earrings, no paperwork necessary.” ”But if we don’t, you need to report me to IA.” He’s staring at her with wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth, appalled at the idea of having to report her. So he thinks of one last possibility. “Maybe janitorial swept them up.” He stands up and walks off, leaving Lucy very confused and disbelieving that he would just not give up and report her. 

When Lucy comes home, we see Tamara packing a bag, ready to go to her friend’s house, leaving the place for Lucy and Tim. “Sorry! I meant to be outta here by now!” But there’s no Tim. Lucy acknowledges Tamara with a deep sigh, which makes her turn back around and look at her. “Don’t worry about it. We cancelled our date.” 

Can I just say how much I love the fact that these two are close enough for Lucy to just walk into Tamara’s room and make herself comfortable on her bed? They really have come so incredibly far. 

We can see that Tamara is a little surprised. “What happened?” “Well, Tim and I rode together today, and it really drove home all of the problems with dating your boss.” Oh, right to the point Lucy. But she’s right. There isn’t just one problem, there are several. Tim being her boss is number one. One of them, or both, losing focus and potentially making mistakes because they’re together is number two. Tim not wanting to report her when she makes mistakes is number three. Basically ignoring the fact that there are problems is number four. 

Yes, I’m looking at you, Timothy. 

And Tamara knows it, too. “It did seem tricky, but I didn’t wanna say anything.” Because they’re finally together. Because she doesn’t want to disrupt their happiness. Because she knows that they have to get there on their own and figure it out themselves. 

“Does that mean you guys are breaking up?” NO. Don’t even put that out there, please. These two have been through so much together, I’m sure they’ll figure it out. But I get why Tamara would immediately jump to worst case scenario. I don’t think she’s had a lot of good examples of healthy relationships in her life. Hell, even Lucy herself hasn’t exactly been a great example. Tamara saw her relationship with the WIP. 

But Lucy isn’t even entertaining that idea. “No. We’ll figure out how to make it work.” 

Look at her being totally content that they’ll figure it all out. Breaking up isn’t even an option for her. They’ve made it this far, no way is she giving up now. I’m glad we’re on the same page here, Lucy. Tamara is not fully convinced yet, though. “Great. How?” 

Again, I don’t blame her for being sceptic. She doesn’t know everything, but she knows enough to know that something’s gotta change for them at work. But given everything she knows about Lucy and her past relationships and semi-commitment, and everything she knows about Tim and him being a creature of habit (because everybody who’s known him for longer than a second knows that), it seems almost impossible to her at the moment to see how they could make it work. 

I was always very excited, if not a little scared, to see how they would handle the work issue whenever they decided to make Chenford canon. We didn’t know what to expect going into the episode, so this was kind of the point for me to really start being scared. Even though I had complete faith in Tim and Lucy to work it out together, because that ‘how’ just stuck with me, and TV shows have a tendency to make things more dramatic than they have to be. But given the relative drama-free way they made them canon, I really didn’t need to worry about this at all, did I?

Tamara opens the door sometime later, and we see Tim standing there, both hands in his pockets. Tamara turns around without saying anything to him, instead choosing to let Lucy know “Lucy, your boyfriend’s here!” 

Wow. Not only did we get Lucy calling them a couple and herself Tim’s girlfriend earlier, now we have someone referring to Tim as Lucy’s boyfriend. We just keep on winning with this episode, don’t we. But I cannot get over Tim’s reaction here. That tiny smile turns into a frown so fast. I’m cackling. 

I still don’t know how to fully interpret it, to be honest. Is he surprised to hear someone refer to him as Lucy’s boyfriend? Is he surprised with how easily she says it? Does he not want her to use that title? Okay, I think we can rule out that last one. But still, his expression is pure gold here. And I am choosing to believe it’s because it’s the first time he’s heard it; makes it all more real once you hear it from someone else. 

“Did she tell you I figured it out on my own? I’d make a great detective.” “I have no doubt.” I love how supportive he is of her here. Not only have Lucy and Tamara come a long way, but Tim and Tamara have as well. She went from simply being Lucy’s puppy to someone he genuinely cares for and supports. They’re already such a cute little family. 

Have I mentioned Tim just casually walking into the apartment without actually being invited in? No? Okay. Then I have now. Because he doesn’t need an invitation anymore, he’s always welcome in Lucy’s space now. And Tamara’s, too. He’s not an outsider looking in anymore. He finally gets to be a part of Lucy’s life the way he’s wanted for longer than he’s willing to admit. 

Lucy emerges from her bedroom. “Hey. I thought we cancelled.” “Uh, we didn’t.” “Oh.” So Tim was still expecting something tonight? Or did he just wanna talk about work and how to proceed with the earring situation? Either way, he just wants to spend more time with his girlfriend. Wow, we can actually say that now. This is still wild. 

Also, note how Lucy didn’t correct Tamara when she called Tim boyfriend. She always made sure everyone, including the guy she was dating, knew that they were not her boyfriend, even after they’d been together for a while. Calling herself his girlfriend, not correcting someone when they call Tim her boyfriend… Lucy, I love how much you love him. 

And oh. A Chenford hug! Can you see me melting? Look at the way she slides one hand over his shoulder to the side of his neck and the other over his chest. Look at the way he bends down toward her and just totally nuzzles into her neck, taking comfort in her arms. Definitely reminds me of 4x09. No, I am not crying again. 

And with Tamara right there next to them. They can finally show their affection for each other not just to each other but in front of someone else, and I love that they don’t shy away from it and are totally comfortable with it. 

There’s a few moments of awkward silence as they look at Tamara and she’s looking at them. She seems to sense that they need to be alone and talk, and excuses herself to her room, leaving them be. Tim starts explaining why he’s there. “Ok, listen. I– I’ve been going over things from today. What if someone found the earrings a-and assumed they belonged to a female officer, so they left them in the women’s locker room.” Okay, so earring situation it is. 

Also, first: I did not catch that look on Lucy’s face right before they switch angles after Tim says ‘today’ when I first watched the episode. She is enjoying something here. That is screaming smug and mischievous. We just don’t know why. Second: I know I mentioned how Tim is now welcome in Lucy’s space, but I just adore the way he feels comfortable enough to just walk around her apartment and sit down at the kitchen counter. Third: he’s clearly been at her place many times before this since they started dating. 

And lastly: he is still trying to find a way to not have to report Lucy. Damn, he really doesn’t want to have to do this. But Lucy knows that he can’t avoid it forever. 

“Yeah, I checked already. I mean, come on. Y-you have to report it now.” “I know.” Look at the way he keeps his eyes closed for that extra second before answering. He is not liking this. At all. Yes, he knows he has to do it, but he’s still hesitant. He doesn’t want to be the reason Lucy might have to face whatever consequences there are for being accused of stealing. “I mean, if it was Aaron, you would’ve reported him already.” 

“I know. But it’s not Aaron. I-It’s you.” And there we have it. The confirmation that Tim will follow his heart instead of his head when it comes to the people he loves. Really, when it comes to Lucy. Because over time she’s come to be more important than anything else. He’s finally found the right person, he’s not willing to risk anything because of his job. And remember, this is the same guy who laid into Lucy for not reporting him for suicidal ideation in 2x01. She was protecting him and all he did was get mad at her. But now he is the one trying to turn a blind eye and protect her. He really has come such a long way. Oh, the things love can do to a man. 

“And you can’t be subjective when it comes to me, right?” All he can do is shake his head. No, he really can’t. He wants to, but he can’t. Because Lucy is more important than following protocol, no matter how wrong it is from a professional point of view. And he knows it and doesn’t like it. We all know he would definitely report her eventually, because he has to. Lucy is his voice of reason and would never let him cover for her and her mistakes. 

Lucy hums a “Mh-hmm.” She totally knew it. “And thus endeth the Lucy Lesson.” Okay. Well played, Lucy. Well played. I should’ve, but I did not see this coming. At all. And Tim didn’t, either. “The what? The earrings were never missing?” I am dying at the way he said that ‘what’. He’s so exasperated but damn. Lucy is having the time of her life. Listen to her laughs. Once more, she got him. I hope they never change, because this is just another chapter of their awesome ‘prank war’.

“Nope. I set them aside and gave them back to Sergio after work.” “That’s evil. And impressive. And evil.” “I know, but – you weren’t facing the problem.” She is, once again, absolutely right. He wasn’t facing it. He was trying his best to ignore it. But they can’t ignore it for much longer. Even less so now that they know that he really can’t stay subjective with her. 

“Okay. Well, now I am. So what do we do?” We. Ever since they started dating, it’s been a we instead of an I. And I love that. Because they’re facing these problems together, not apart. They’ll find a way to work it all out together. They’ve finally made it here, there isn’t a world in which they won’t figure it out together. I love how absolutely sure they are with and of each other. And I appreciate TR for making them deal with this so maturely. There’s no unnecessary fighting or arguing. 

It's the next day, and Tim and Lucy are riding together again. They’re still brainstorming what to do about the work situation. “We only have two real options.” “Break up or one of leaves Mid-Wilshire.” Again, straight to the point. They both know there’s not many possibilities here. Well, two, to be exact, as Lucy points out and Tim fills in the gaps. It’s either this, or that. 

Lucy is quick to jump in. “It should be me.” Wow. Neither one of them entertained the idea of breaking up for even a fraction of a second. It was silently agreed that that was not an option. And I am losing it again. Because that speaks volumes. They danced around each other for so long, hid their true feelings from each other for months before taking the leap, but it’s only taken a few weeks of dating for them to be absolutely confident in their relationship and sure of their commitment to each other.

Lucy doesn’t even blink before offering to be the one to leave. She’s willing to change something professionally? Humongous. Because we’ve never seen Lucy so committed to anyone before. And I love that for her. And for Tim. 

But Tim doesn’t like that idea. “No. No, you love it here.” “No, I do, but –“ Lucy knows that Tim’s a creature of habit who needs stability. She knows how much he loves patrol. She doesn’t want him to compromise that for her and their relationship. “There isn’t an open sergeant supervisor job anywhere else in the division. I checked. Which means you would have to take a demotion, and that’s not happening. So…” 

So, she’s thought this through. She looked up available options and saw that there wasn’t anything that would be fitting for Tim (does that mean she also knows about the position Grey offers Tim later?). So she offers to be the one to transfer, even though she knows that means she’ll have to prove herself all over again. 

But it’s the lesser evil for her because she can easily go to a different station as a P2, but he can’t just transfer anywhere because there’d have to be an available supervisor position for him first for her to be okay with that. 

“Lucy, I –“ He doesn’t look happy at the thought of her leaving Mid-Wilshire. Because he doesn’t want the burden to fall on her. But Lucy’s quick to stop him. “No, it’ll be fine. Rookies leave their first station after making P2 all the time.” She doesn’t sound thrilled at the prospect either, but she knows that that’s the only way they can be together without hiding and without him having to take a demotion. 

“That’s true.” He might be agreeing with her here, but he’s still not loving the idea of her leaving. She looks over at him. “So. This is the best move, right?” She’s actively turning her attention toward him because she’s not just making this decision on her own. She wants his input because his opinion matters. This isn’t just about her, it’s about both of them, so they’re both included in the decision-making process. 

“Maybe. But we don’t have to decide right now.” Oh, he still doesn’t want to face it, does he? But the look toward her after she turns her gaze back forward? Wow. That basically screams, “Oh, she would actually do this for us.” He’s not expecting to be more important than her job and be put first. Because in his previous relationships, he had to be the one to make all the sacrifices, no debate. 

But Lucy’s willing to be the one to sacrifice something. She knows he doesn’t like doing things he doesn’t want to. She knows he doesn’t like change. So she doesn’t even ask him to be the one to go. As much as he’s not expecting to be put ahead of anything else, she’s not expecting him to want to change something professionally, either. But maybe he would make an exception here. Because Lucy has always been different. But we’ll see.  

And again. They’re having a conversation about their relationship in front of a billion cameras. They know these shop cams are there, right? Do they not care who reviews the footage and hears their conversations? For two people who still haven’t made their relationship public, they don’t seem to be worried about that at all. (And yes, I know. This is how the show works. Where else could they have this conversation while they’re working if not in the shop or with their body cams on? But if we pretended this was real life, they’d probably have been found out a while ago.)

They hear the call from Nolan about the hostage situation with the doctor’s family. I don’t have much to say about this entire sequence except for: they’re total badasses and work together seamlessly – still. They’ve built a professional trust over the years that is hard to break. They might have started as rookie and TO, but somewhere along the way – ignoring the romantic part of it all – they’ve learned to trust each other implicitly and became partners on the job. 

But who knows how long that would work while they’re dating. We already saw a glimpse of what Tim is willing to do for Lucy with the earring situation. So that change needs to happen before something significant can even happen on duty. 

After their shift, they’re in the parking lot again. This time, they’re standing at the back of the shop, ready to unload. Tim’s opening the trunk when he tells Lucy “Nice work today.” She’s a little surprised at the compliment, but not nearly as much as she used to be, like in 4x03 after her failed attempt to prank Tim with the booties again. Why? Because getting a compliment or a ‘good job’ from Tim is not an everyday occurrence. But he’s gotten much better with it, especially with her. 

She smiles. “You, too. It’s not a bad way to end our partnership. Saving a family.” “Yeah,” he responds as Lucy picks lint off his uniform. Married, much? They’ve been together for a matter of weeks, and they’re already acting as if it’s been years. Because… it has been years, hasn’t it? They might not have been together romantically, but they’ve always had that special connection that had them acting like a married couple even when they were dating other people. Lucy’s first two shifts as his rookie just bonded them in a way that is hard to break.

Anyway. “Although, we’re – we’re still not partners,” Tim continues. There’s a slight teasing note in his voice, and it gets him the reaction from Lucy he was likely expecting. A smile and a little loving shove to the arm. “I mean, on the job, anyway,” he adds. Uhm, Timothy. You are partners on the job. You can say whatever you want – she’s your partner. But oh, wait. You’re still not admitting you’re partners on the job, but did you just tell her you’re partners in life? 

Oh, Tim. I love you. And I love your love for Lucy. 

Look at the way he looks at her. I know I’ve often mentioned this before, but I adore the way he’s just openly showing her how much he adores her now that they’re together. Because now he can. He doesn’t have to hide it and suppress his feelings for her anymore. And neither does she as she looks back at him lovingly. Have we ever seen her look at someone that way before? 

Well, actually. This reminds me of the way she looked at him when they finally got that dance at Nyla’s wedding. Damn. Girl’s been smitten for a while. How did it take them so long to get here, again? 

“It’s gonna be so weird going to a different station, knowing I’m not gonna see you all day.” “Yeah.” Oh, this is making me feel very melancholy and sad. This really is about to be the end of an era, isn’t it? I mentioned this very early in this essay, but again: we fell in love with these two in the shop, side by side. We watched them slowly but surely fall for each other in that same shop. It’s hard to imagine that being over (even though we already got a taste of it after Lucy got back from UC school). 

But this has more finality to it. Because now it really is time for a new beginning. The dating era, if you will. Or the we’re-gonna-spend-the-rest-of-our-lives-together era.  

Maybe it’s actually a good thing they started dating before they figured out that whole work situation. Because it gave them the time to transition from partners on the job, or whatever they were after 5x01 and until 5x08, to partners in life while still having something familiar to fall back on. 

Tim continues. “And there’s no guarantee that our shifts will sync up.” He’s talking from experience. We know him and Isabel worked in different divisions and had to sync up their shifts as best as possible. But Lucy doesn’t know what that’s like. “I hadn’t thought of that.” Lucy, stop breaking my heart. “Wait wait wait. So by doing the right thing we’re actually gonna see each other a lot less?” “Most likely.” “Nooo.” Again, stop breaking my heart, Lucy. That ‘no’ is seriously tugging on my heartstrings. 

Because this is not what she wanted when she suggested transferring. She didn’t even think about that possibility. She just wanted to do this right, so they could finally stop hiding. After Tim’s confirmative “Yeah,” Lucy turns back toward the shop. Neither one of them is happy about the possibility of seeing each other significantly less. But as Lucy goes to grab the war bags out of the trunk, watch Tim. We can practically see the wheels turning and land on: ‘no, this isn’t happening’. Right here in this moment, he decides that this isn’t how it’s gonna be. 

Lucy grabs the war bags and turns back toward Tim: “I’m gonna put in my transfer request in the morning.” Oh. She doesn’t like the prospect of not seeing Tim as much, but is still willing to transfer anyway? Wow. Because she still believes they can make it work. Because she knows it’s the right thing to do. And again: she doesn’t necessarily think Tim would want to change something. She knows him. 

But we saw that Tim had a bit of a moment of revelation right before she said it. Because he knows that neither one of them would be truly happy with that. And once more, he got confirmation that Lucy is willing to transfer, even if she doesn’t love it. 

So this is that last bit of reassurance he needs. She doesn’t love this, but is still willing to transfer so they can stay together. She’s choosing Tim. And that’s huge. For both of them. For Tim, because he’s finally put first in a relationship. For Lucy, because she’s ready to fully commit to this relationship in a way she never has before. 

And because she is, he’s taking the burden from her by taking the bags from her. 

We all see this moment for what it is: coming full circle. The guy who always made Lucy carry all the gear, even at the beginning of this episode, is now willingly taking the bags from her. And we see Lucy’s reaction to that. She’s not expecting it, hence that little move and the appreciative smile. Wow. But it’s also something more. With this little moment he’s showing her that he's willing to do something he doesn’t normally do. So, in a way, this is foreshadowing for the bigger gesture that’s coming later.   

Also, Tim’s reaction to Lucy’s reaction? That just screams ‘damn it, I’m freaking whipped’. And I love it. 

It’s after shift when Tim is knocking on Grey’s door. He didn’t even change into civvies yet, he’s still in uniform. “Got a minute?” “Sure,” Grey responds, motioning for Tim to come in. He closes the door behind him before he moves to take a seat at Grey’s desk. We know that whatever Tim has to say is important. He has to clear his throat before he starts talking. “I’ve been keeping something from you.” Grey tilts his head. He’s intrigued. Is this the moment? 

Tim takes another breath and then just lets it out. “Lucy and I started dating a few weeks ago.” Yup, Tim’s actually coming clean here. And that’s not easy. Because he’s telling his boss that he’s been dating a subordinate for weeks. That he’s dating his former rookie. That he fell in love with his former rookie. That’s a kind of vulnerability Tim doesn’t like. Because he doesn’t know how Grey will respond and if he and Lucy have to face any consequences. 

Grey takes a breath as he leans back in his chair. Ha, that little smirk. Yeah, he totally knows already. “I suspected as much.” See, he definitely saw the change in their behavior. And let’s be real. Anybody with eyes could see the change. They haven’t exactly been subtle. They could barely keep any kind of distance between them. Sure, Grey didn’t know for sure, but he knew enough. 

“Sir, we wouldn’t have lied but we… needed time to figure out how we felt.” Figure out how you felt? Maybe that’s not entirely true, because I’m sure they both know how they feel about each other. But making sure they really are on the same page about where this relationship is going and how they feel about that? Yeah, that’s definitely the case. I might be wrong, but, well. Anyway. 

“And since we’re having this talk, I assume it’s serious.” “It is,” Tim says without hesitation. There is no doubt in his mind anymore that he and Lucy are building something that’s real. Something that’s meant to last. Forever. 

“But, for it to be appropriate, I need to move out of her chain of command.” No, Grey doesn’t seem very happy at the prospect of Tim leaving patrol. He’s a great sergeant, a great supervisor, and Grey doesn’t like losing him to a different job. But he still says “Ok.” Tim’s simple ‘it is’ is enough for Grey to accept it. 

Because Grey knows that Tim, of all people, would never date a subordinate officer unless it was serious. He probably never even got close to any of his previous rookies, as far as we can tell. He seems to keep it firmly professional. But with Lucy it’s been different from day one. She had a front row seat to his heartbreak over Isabel. He let her in, couldn’t have prevented it if he’d tried. 

Lucy just managed to warm herself into his heart. He never meant to fall in love with her. It just happened. 

And Grey knows that. He’s seen happily married Tim. He’s seen heartbroken Tim after Isabel left. He’s seen him trying to find his way again but never quite getting it right. He’s seen Lucy experience the worst kind of trauma and still persevere. All the while witnessing that neither ever seemed as much like themselves as they are when they’re around each other. Because they’ve always brought out the best in each other. So he let them be for as long as he could fathom turning a blind eye on them and until they were ready to come to him.  

And he’s not planning on reprimanding the two of them or reporting them to IA. And I love that. Sure, it was against the rules. But he knows why they hid it. Because he knows them both. 

This entire scene is so powerful. We have a direct link back to when Tim asked Grey about what it would mean to transfer to the NYPD when Rachel moved. We saw how much he hated the idea of having to start over. But we also have a link back to when Grey told him he’d scored well on the sergeant’s exam and how hesitant he was to take that position at North Hollywood. Grey immediately looked over at Lucy. He knew why Tim was hesitant. 

So he knows that this relationship with Lucy isn’t just casual or something short term when Tim is willing to move out of patrol. And while Grey’s not exactly happy about it, he’s still willing to offer him a different job. But he’s also making sure that Tim knows the open spot isn’t a great position. 

“Unfortunately, there’s only one position open that will do that.” “I’ll take it.” Timothy! Oh, my heart. He doesn’t even let Grey tell him what that position is before he says he’ll take it, without hesitation. Right now, he couldn’t care less about what that position is. He only cares that it’s no longer in Lucy’s chain of command. “It’s not a great job.” Tim shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll take it.” 

Oh, my heart can‘t handle this. 

For the first time in Tim’s life – that we’ve seen – he’s willing to change his career because of a relationship, for the woman he’s with. We all know Tim’s a creature of habit, and both Lucy and Grey have even called him a control freak before. 

Tim doesn’t really like change. He likes stability, which is something he didn’t have growing up. There’s a reason he chose to join the military and then the LAPD. There’s structure. And protocols. And rules.

Yes, he’s putting his life on the line every day so there’s a certain kind of instability, but protecting people is something he’s good at. Something he trusts himself to be able to do. Even as a sergeant, he stayed on patrol. Because that’s where he wants to be, it’s what he likes. What gives him comfort. 

For Tim to change career paths, he has to feel safe and secure in his life outside of work. And Lucy is the first person in a long time, maybe ever, that has provided him with stability and safety in every possible way, long before they even started dating. 

She helped him through the Isabel stuff, didn’t leave his side in the quarantine house. She recorded audiobooks for him so he could study for the sergeant’s exam. She was there for him when he confronted his father, she showed up to the hospital even though they were still awkward with each other. She’s there when he needs her. And even when he doesn’t. She takes care of him no questions asked. 

I came across a song a while ago and part of the lyrics perfectly describe Tim’s situation here: I just don’t like change / Cause it’s so hard for me to rearrange / But with you it’s not the same / Cause now I would leave home and change my name.   

Because this relationship with Lucy is different. Yes, they’ve only been together for like a month and a half or so at this point, but Tim knows this is different. Because Lucy was ready to change stations and start over so they could stay together without hiding or breaking rules. 

She didn’t ask or expect him to switch jobs. She didn’t say: you need to go, cause I’m staying here, I don’t care what you want – my needs are more important than yours. No. She said: you, our relationship, is more important than anything else. She’s shown him that he’s more important. She offered and was willing to be the one to change stations. She put him and their relationship ahead of everything else. What other woman has ever really put him first in their relationship? 

Ashley wanted him to retire for her, Rachel moved across the country. Neither one of them even truly considered his opinion. It was ‘so this is your only option, otherwise we’re done’. Isabel lost herself to drugs because she felt she couldn’t live up to Tim’s standards. Every single relationship has manifested that ‘I don’t deserve to be loved’ feeling in his mind. 

But Lucy has always been different. Because Tim is different for her (I keep repeating myself, help). For once, him and his comfort and needs are what’s important and considered in a relationship. It’s not all take take take from Lucy and give give give from Tim. It’s a partnership. A give and take. From both of them. It’s grounded in mutual trust, and respect, and friendship. 

So he’s willing to do what he doesn’t like: change something. 

Tim Bradford, romantic at heart. But we already knew that. But it’s just so beautiful to see again.

He needed that absolute certainty that this relationship is as serious for Lucy as it is for him. Yes, she’s given him numerous indications that it was, but when you’ve experienced so much romantic trauma, you start doubting everything, whether you want to or not. 

We briefly saw that uncertainty in 5x09 in Grey’s office when Lucy still hadn’t broken up with Assford. “If you’re having second thoughts…” because some part of him still couldn’t believe that this was real. He needed that reassurance that it’s still happening, while he also made sure that she’s still on board, that he wasn’t pressuring or forcing her to do something she didn’t want to.

Lucy was quick to shut those insecurities down. “No, I – I’m not” as she looked at him with fondness. He smiled back at her, happy that she still wanted it. “Good.” I really can’t ignore those looks. They’re in Grey’s office, at work, looking at each other with so much love and affection in their eyes that I’m sure they’d forgotten where they were in that moment.  

And we saw those heart eyes again at the end of that episode, when he could finally properly ask her out on a date, and they stared at each other after she said yes. 

But back to 5x12.

So, Lucy being absolutely willing to change stations and refusing for him to even think about a demotion was that last bit of assurance that he might’ve needed. That, and the fact that neither one of them would be happy having to try and sync up schedules when working at different stations is what made him go to Grey, come clean, and take a lesser job without knowing what that job even was. 

Tim also knows that Lucy never would’ve let him go to Grey to be the one to sacrifice professionally and accept any sergeant job available, which is why he didn’t tell her. Why he went to Grey alone and before she could put in her transfer request.  

And let’s be honest. Lucy has always mattered more than his job. He took the sergeant’s exam, but didn’t transfer so he could finish training her, as already briefly mentioned. I’m almost certain that a part of him didn’t want to leave for NY because that would’ve meant leaving her, too. He made her the arresting officer on every report because she deserved the recognition, and he wanted her to succeed. 

So, in a way, it’s actually very Tim for him to take a professional step back. But he’s okay with that. Because it’s Lucy. No, he won’t be on patrol anymore, probably for the first time since he started as a rookie. 

But he’s content with that decision. Because it doesn’t matter. As long as he can be with Lucy, none of that matters. 

And he’s not giving any more than Lucy was willing to give herself. And that’s the big difference. 

We see a beautiful shot of downtown LA (Is it downtown? Someone please correct my European a** if I’m wrong.) before we see Tim and Lucy in her apartment again. He’s chilling at her kitchen counter while she’s standing on the other side. 

“So I’ve been thinking. Hollywood division would be kind of ideal.” I love that Lucy is still fully committed to that transfer. She’s already made her peace with it. She’s been thinking about which station would be the best for her to not have to commute all over town every day and has actually made a decision. I love her commitment to it all.  

She turns around, moving toward the fridge, because, yes. She’s totally cooking for her boyfriend. And I love that. We know they both love to cook, and there’s something so sweet in knowing that they’re now with someone who they can enjoy that with. And there’s something extra sweet and intimate about the fact that Tim isn’t helping her because she wants to cook for him. She totally told him to sit his butt down and chill, I’m sure of it.

“Well, it’s not necessary. I... talked to Grey and you’re looking at the new Court Liaison Sergeant.” Court Liaison?! Wow, Grey really wasn’t lying when he said that it’s not a great job. Man, our boy Timothy is really in love. He could’ve said no after Grey eventually told him what the job was, but he very obviously didn’t. The things they’re both willing to do for each other, urgh. They make me sick. 

And Lucy is shocked. Not only did he tell Grey, although, that isn’t her concern here, but he also took a very boring sounding job without telling her. She stares at him for a few moments while she closes the fridge and then moves back toward the counter. “But that’s a desk job.” Oh. This is getting worse. Not only does Tim now have to deal with the courts and lawyers and what not. But he also has to sit at a desk for it? Yeah, that’s really not a great job for him. 

“Yeah. Out of your chain of command.” He sounds so calm. He doesn’t care about the job. He just wants to be with her. Again, this is huge for Tim. He took a job without knowing what it is and even after finding out, he sticks with that decision to leave patrol. As long as it gets him out of Lucy’s chain of command so they can both stay at Mid-Wilshire, he would’ve taken any job. And he has. 

Lucy keeps staring at him. She thought they’d agreed that she’d transfer, and suddenly he’s telling her he took a desk job? Yeah, she didn’t see this coming. And watch the look on her face right before she starts moving around the counter to be closer to Tim. That’s not exactly happy. Why? Because Tim hates desk work. “You’ll be bored out of your mind.” I love that she’s only concerned about his well-being and happiness and nothing else. She doesn’t even mention the fact that he told Grey about their relationship.  

“That doesn’t matter. Look, you and I’ll get to see each other every day a-and you won’t have to travel to some, I don’t know, far away station where they’re gonna make you work the midnight shift because you’re a newbie.” “Tim, it’s–“ But he interrupts her. “It’s done. Okay? No sense in arguing about it.” Yeah, he’s right. Why argue when it’s already a done deal? Nothing she could say to him right would make him change his mind. But aww. Look at him looking at her. I’ve probably said it a few times already, but my heart is melting. 

He is so incredibly smitten. But also thankful. Because he now knows with absolute certainty that this is real. She wouldn’t have suggested to transfer if she wasn’t fully committed to him. To them. 

Lucy seems to accept it (for now). “But we’re so good at arguing.” They really are. She leans over toward him, moving her hands over his shoulders toward his neck, kissing him in a move that is so incredibly sweet and intimate. Because he just sits there and lets it happen. He murmurs a little “I know” before going in for another kiss while standing up. His right hand moves toward her thigh – because he’s a thigh man – trailing upwards to her waist while her hands slide from his shoulders down over his chest. 

“But I’m hoping we’re good at certain other things, as well.” Oh. Well, I did not see this one coming. But there it is. Because our man Timothy has been ready for this for a while. Even more so since Lucy put it on the table the day before. They’re gravitating toward each other until they’re basically pressed together from head to toe as Lucy’s hands settle on his chest. 

 “Oh?” Uhm, yup. She’s definitely on board. 

I love everything about this moment. His smile! Have we ever seen him smile like this? Then there’s the swaying, their foreheads almost touching, their noses actually touching, the overall gravitational pull toward one another, her playing with his shirt as she asks “You wanna find out right now?” 

Everything about this makes my heart flutter. Because it’s so perfectly them. 

And yeah, fine, ok. This episode only aired two weeks after the one with their first date. So Lucy’s “I wanna take things slow” seems to have been thrown out the window. 

But again. I choose to live in a world where that date happened in late November/early December, and this is therefore about six to seven-ish weeks later. (I’m not sorry for making my own timeline. I actually think 5x10 might’ve been supposed to air in December, too but got pushed back because it was a crossover and Feds had a pretty big cliffhanger they wanted to carry over to the new year. But who knows with these shows.)

Now, is seven weeks long to wait until you sleep with someone or not? For Lucy, it seems long. For both of them, really. We know they don’t usually shy away from that. They’ve known each other for years at this point so it was never about getting to know each other first. No. It was about cherishing the early stages of this new relationship. A relationship that will be the last for both of them. 

So, I’d consider it an acceptable amount of time for them to wait. We don’t know how long Lucy planned on waiting; maybe it was always just a spur of the moment kind of thing and without giving herself a timeline to keep up with, at least not past what she said in 5x10 (first & second date, first kiss). I’ve recently had the thought that she might’ve needed that reassurance about their jobs before taking that next step just as much as Tim did. 

Because dating your boss is one thing, actually sleeping with him is something else entirely.  

Maybe it’s a little out there, but it could’ve also played a part in her decision. She wants to do this relationship right, after all, and part of doing this right includes following the rules about dating within the same chain of command. It wasn’t just about making sure she didn’t screw it up; it was about making sure that every potential risk wouldn’t be a risk that could threaten their relationship. 

She wasn’t ready for this before, for many different little reasons. And that’s perfectly fine. Healthy. Admirable, even. Because no one should ever feel obligated to do something in a relationship before they’re ready and I love her for setting some boundaries (and him for accepting it so easily). It doesn’t matter that it’s Tim, and that she wants it all with him. Or maybe it does. A whole lot, actually. Because it’s Tim. Nothing has ever been more important than them and doing it the right way. 

And Lucy is definitely ready now. Because the last issue that was in their way is taken care of. They’re no longer working together, at least not within the same chain of command. They can be together now. Officially. Openly.

So she starts popping those buttons on his shirt as soon as he whispers that soft “Yeah” and before their lips even touch again. That shirt is coming off fast, dear god. And Tim came prepared. No Henley like he wore the night before when he came over. No. A button down, with snaps. Easy and fast access guaranteed. Also, the little moan from Lucy as she pushes the shirt over his shoulders? Someone send help, please. 

I die a little every time I see the way he’s looking at her as she’s admiring his body while he strips. And it’s the way that Tim, who we all know likes everything pretty clean-cut and organized, just lets his shirt fall to the floor. Seriously, I don’t know why that gives me so much satisfaction, but it does. And then there’s Lucy touching him, tracing the tip of her fingers from his sides over the v-cut toward his abdomen.

Excuse me for a second while I try to recollect myself. 

It’s so freaking intimate. 

As soon as that shirt is gone, his hands go to cradle her face while she’s moving her left to the side of his face and her right to his back, both getting lost in another passion-fueled kiss while Lucy lets out another pleased little noise. Girl is enjoying herself alright. And they keep swaying into those kisses, too. As they break apart to get a breath of air, Lucy’s hand moves down his back to settle on his waist before they go back for an even more passionate kiss. Because holy moly, Tim ain’t holding anything back anymore. 

And as they keep swaying with those kisses – really, it kinda looks like they’re dancing because they’re constantly moving, which is also what they did in that airplane bathroom – that Tim’s back is turned toward us. And we get a good look at his scars. 

There is something so poetic about seeing those scars. We could already see the bullet wound from when he got shot in the Pilot on his abdomen when he took his shirt off. But now we can see the rest. Four scars on his back – one on his neck, one on either one of his shoulder blades, another on the small of his back. 

Tim has endured so much emotional and physical trauma in his life. Here, we get to see the physical side of it. He’s scarred, but he lets himself love and be loved again. Because he trusts Lucy with everything. His life, his happiness, his heart. 

He once said that trust has to be earned. And Lucy’s earned his trust, time and time again. Because she kept showing up. She cared. She’s shown him that people are worthy of trust. That she is worthy of his trust. And that he is worthy of hers.  

And, this might be very far-fetched, but I can’t get my brain to shut up. We can see Tim’s scars, but we also see Lucy admiring him while he was taking his shirt of. Yes, she’s appreciating his body, but I also see it as a subtle metaphor that, despite all his scars – physical and emotional – she still adores him. All of him. 

No matter how scarred he might be, he’s still worthy of love. He deserves love. Because he’s so much more than just his scars or his past. 

“I got half a dozen scars. Bullet wounds. Knife wounds. Broken bottle. Then there’s the ones you can’t see. Isabel’s addiction. A dad who would tune me up on the regular. And whether I like it or not, they’re a part of me.”

Yes, it’s all part of his story, but it’s not the whole story. Those scars aren’t everything. 

He said it himself once when he confronted his father: “I’m who I am in spite of you!” 

In spite of all the pain, he chose to be the kind of man he is and not be like his father. He found a way to become his own person. And somewhere along the way, after even more heartbreak, he found a reason to become an even better version of himself. But, to be fair: that version’s been there all along. Lucy just managed to bring it (back) to the surface. 

And now he can freely look at that reason whenever he wants with so much adoration, so much love in his eyes that I’m feeling sick to my stomach because the butterflies are creating havoc in there. 

Tim just walked away from almost a decade and a half of patrol. And yet, he’s happy. He’s beaming with joy. Because he gets to be with Lucy. I know we’ve all noticed it, but I have to point it out again. We have never seen Tim so calm and at peace before. This is what finding and being with the right person will do to you. 

And he’s done the same for her. Because she was willing to walk away from her job, too. The woman who doesn’t like commitment was ready to start over professionally at a different station after being with Tim for a few weeks. 

She also has more than enough reasons to not want to put her heart out there. Her trauma might not be like the one Tim has experienced, but it’s still trauma. Her parents made sure to make her feel unlovable basically her whole life. Again, the only guy she seemed to be kind of serious about cheated on her. Others broke up with her without a second thought. So her defense mechanism became keeping guys at a romantic distance. 

Yes, she’s a very caring person who’s there for her friends and those in need – which I love, because she became the opposite of her parents whose care is always conditional. But romantically? She likes to keep her distance even when she’s in a relationship; and even though she’s often the one to make the first move. But in 5x08, she was the one who was hesitant until Tim made clear he wanted it as much as she did. That she mattered to him enough for him to be willing to risk it all. That he loved her enough to risk it.  

Tim did the opposite of her parents and every other guy before him: make her feel wanted and appreciated and loved just the way she is.  

Her willingness to transfer is such a beautiful gesture of love. No, they’re nowhere near ready to actually say those words, but they showed each other their love through these selfless gestures, no words necessary. 

They really have found their forever person. 

But back to the scene.   

And then there’s something about the way Lucy just lets her head fall back in this moment while they’re kissing right before they start walking toward her bedroom. It’s like she’s completely giving herself to him here. Because she is. Lucy “commitment phobe” Chen is one hundred percent in this. She’s ready for this next step with the only guy she’s ever loved. 

Also, I’m a sucker for their height difference. Now I just need a kiss where she’s not wearing some kind of heels. Then I’ve seen everything I needed to see. Okay, not everything, but it’s one of the things that’s been on my wish list since before they were together. 

Lucy lets out another moan as she’s smiling into that kiss as they start moving toward the bedroom. She even giggles into that kiss. Again, girl’s enjoying herself; she’s happy. One of his hands then comes up to move behind her head while the other goes to the door frame, preventing Lucy’s head from hitting the wall. He’s always been protective of her, and that only heightened after the whole Caleb thing and even more so once he realized he was in love with her. So to see this little move? Yeah, I don’t know why it makes me go feral, but it does. Because even in their haze of lust, he’s making sure she feels safe with him. 

And this entire time, we see respectful Tim. Yes, he’s the one to start the flirting and steer the conversation in that direction. But he doesn’t just go for it, he waits for her response. He’s letting her know he’s ready, but he’s also letting her decide whether she’s ready for this, too.   

And once she’s given him the verbal confirmation and he knows she is, he doesn’t hold back. He’s pretty firm with those kisses and his hands cupping her face, but: it’s not forceful. It’s passionate. It’s a mix of joy and hunger and want and desire. It’s love. You can see in the way he kisses her and cradles her face how much he loves her. 

As they continue to make out against the door frame – seriously, how is this even real?! – one of Lucy’s hands moves toward his neck, holding him close. His left moves from cradling the side of her face to her waist as they actually finally back into her bedroom. He closes the door almost all the way before fully slamming it shut, but instead of going straight for the bed, we can see that they’re still at that door. Because we can see Lucy’s hair against the not entirely see-through glass, where Tim has undoubtedly pushed her back against. They just love making out against doors, don’t they? 

Damn, these two are seriously hungry for each other. 

And after all this time, I don’t blame them. Because they deserve this. It’s time to enjoy this new intimacy. This happiness. This love. 

They’ve fought their demons, separately and together. They’ve experienced different kinds of traumas over the years and still managed to come out stronger than ever before. They’ve ignored and struggled with their feelings for far longer than they realized before finally accepting them and taking the leap together. 

And if anyone deserves to finally be this freakishly happy, it’s Tim and Lucy. 

My deepest gratitude goes, once again, to @escapismqueen. This time, she actually did kind of write parts of this, so thank you for letting me use it all and providing me with the necessary inspiration and missing words when my brain just couldn’t properly function anymore. Also, a big thank you to everyone who has taken their time to read my stuff about 5x08 and/or 5x10 and now also this. Every single one of you makes me want to keep writing. And it’s so much fun, too. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me next. 

[queenlua]

i rewatched schindler's list last night (extremely scattered random thoughts)

* the main motif that jumped out to me this time was that of paperwork

which makes sense, right. the list. in the title. is in fact a piece of paperwork

but (1) the last time i watched this i was like 15 and a dummy, and (2) i guess paperwork's been on the brain lately ever since i saw brandon taylor calling for a comeback of the "paperwork movie" and i was like so true bestie

the paperwork thing isn't the movie's primary preoccupation. it wasn't trying to make a specific statement about The Inhumanity Of Machines And Bureaucracy as far as i could tell (even though that'd be an easy angle for something like this to take), but even so. the endless lines with some harried typist at the end of it, the shots of ppl checking every coat pocket for their work papers, Itzhak's goofy-ass typing technique as he's making that list of names, the paperwork error that sends the train of women not to his factory but to Auchwitz, etc...

but there's a missing middle in there, right, with some honest examination of these typewriters and databases and keyboards and emails and files as part of the air we breathe now. (i think the automated-job-assignment-system in Le Guin's The Dispossessed and the City of Mind in Le Guin's Always Coming Home are both her kind-of-inchoate-but-deeply-felt AHHHHH reactions to bureaucratization and the internet, respectively—a lot of scifi from that era reads like that, nervous but not really sure what to say yet.) like, Schindler's List was not wanting to examine that angle overmuch, but because it's not so front-and-center preoccupied with the papers in-and-of-themselves it probably comes away with stronger imagery/riffing on the idea than it would have otherwise

when taylor was talking about paperwork movies he was talking about stuff like legal thrillers, romcoms, stuff like Air, and so on. things where bureaucratic competence is the way to win. and there's no shortage of midcentury stuff where The Bureaucratization Is The Horror, the act of putting anything on a paper or in a database is the itself the thing to be feared

but it'd be interesting to see a film that did take that front-and-center. (probably one exists! i don't watch very many movies.) i guess the closest thing to what i'm thinking of is Red Plenty, which is a novel about a lot of things, but one of those threads is definitely Egghead Soviet Math Nerds Doing Paperwork, & yeah it's so so so good. I Am Once Again Asking You To Read Red Plenty

* the other new thing that jumped out at me, this time around, was just how bad at business Schindler was lol. this went over my head as a kid, because the guy is always dressed fantastic and slots so easily into the Charming Business Magnate Archetype, and also because as a kid i hadn't spent enough time around Charming Business Magnates to realize how often they are full of shit... but yeah, the movie makes it super clear upfront that this is essentially a Wall Street Bets guy who has identified exactly one weird arbitrage opportunity ("hire slave labor") and is good at calling in favors from the other nazis he parties with and that's it. utterly unsurprising he failed at every single other business he ever tried. reading the details of Actual Oskar Schindler's life makes him seem both better and worse than how he's portrayed in the film, and it would've been really interesting to see all those angles explored, even if i get why Speilberg opted to sand down those edges and i'll concede he was probably right to do so for the thing he wanted to make

anyway yeah. that's a film

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 3x8 Thoughts

I’ve written all of these after seeing the episode only one time but I think this one might benefit from a rewatch more than anything else. Even if, unfortunately, this was absolutely my least favorite episode of this stupid wonderful show. (Or was it? What will a rewatch reveal to me?)

I have tried very hard not to have a lot of fun-time-ruining expectations about this Media Experience that has bewitched me since January fucking 2021. But I’ll admit that I had some serious expectations about the writing of this episode. Keeley Hazell and Dylan Marron! I was so excited to see what the ultimate Keeley Jones expert, the Keeley inspiration, the namesake herself, would have to say about this character. And actually, I thought Juno Temple got some really incredible material to work with, and I think she acted the living fuck out of this episode. I came away with a deeper understanding of Keeley’s character. A sense of who she is when she wakes up in bed next to someone who delights her. A sense of how it feels when someone she loves deeply disappoints and hurts her, and how it feels when someone she could have loved chooses a status over a human, and how it feels when someone she used to love holds himself accountable to her. 

There was so much about this episode that felt incredibly natural: 

everything about Juno’s performance 

the ways Jack is charming and tantalizing and expansive and the ways she’s small and cowardly and disappointing were perfect…wlw rep doesn’t happen in a vacuum of purity, this is wlw rep but this is also billionaire asshole rep this is venture capitalism rep this is richer-than-Rebecca-Welton rep this is manipulator rep

the perfect moment when Jade tells Nate to celebrate his victories after a lifetime of hearing his father shame him for taking pride in his successes

the anti-chemistry chemistry of Ted and Michelle and their long history

absolutely everything about Rebecca as lifeline and sense-talker for Ted (and soulmate…I’m so tired, but it just remains true that they’re fucking soulmates, and I hope they find out and I’m still pretty sure they will)

Beard in an apron making pancakes for his boys

Rebecca holding Keeley and telling her a possibly slightly exaggerated story about her introduction to masturbation to cheer up her beloved bestie

the utter pain of Roy being once again a very good person who has fucked up badly in a parking lot (this time with consequences)

Ted’s sweet little voices as he reads to Henry (and the WTF moment he has about himself after Henry has fallen asleep)

Last night my wife and I went out for a beer and broke down a bunch of these moments and how good they actually were, and how strange it was to have, honestly, a wealth of beautifully written and acted moments in an episode that really didn’t work for us. Because those highs made the lows seem so much lower. 

The locker room scene…I’ve watched anti-harassment and standards-of-business videos for my corporate job that are better than whatever that was. I understand what they were trying to do. And I understand that this is a story that has so much real-life crossover and is so incredibly important to get right and was probably so complicated and often painful to write that I feel very empathetic about the ways that all that pressure might have conspired to make this episode worse instead of better. I have no interest in judging those conditions, nor do I think it’s some big hilarious gotcha that this writer (well, writers) wrote about this topic. But I do have to judge the final product, which reads like a group of people taking turns saying things like “This is a bad thing in our society” and “Is it so bad?” and “Yes, fellow man, it really is that bad” and “But wait, why should I have any responsibility for this bad thing in our society?” and “Well, here is why you actually do have some responsibility for this bad thing in our society.” 

Even the Keeley-Rebecca scene wavers in and out, whereas normally a scene with those two is rock solid. They spend a lot of time explaining the societal conditions to each other instead of relying on the shorthand that two best friends would use to communicate. I mean, thank God Rebecca was totally with Keeley on this one—if she hadn’t been, that would’ve warranted something on the spectrum of lecture—but because she was, their exchange of lines about sexualization just had me feeling like I am watching a TV show about a very special issue, I am watching a TV show about a very special issue. 

Just as I’m not looking to Jack Danvers to convince a homophobe why bi people are cool (she could be the coolest most respectful gal in the world and she’s not gonna convince a bigot that queer people actually are great!), I desperately wish they’d taken a less heavy hand with this stuff. Keeley’s pain—her vehement lack of embarrassment, her disappointment—says it all. 

And I am so sorry to say that I feel like Brendan Hunt, who always, always knows when to dial it down and when to dial it up, when to bury and when to emote, dialed it way too far up when talking to Henry while Ted’s on the phone with Rebecca. I am a huge defender of how this show uses musical scenes; bring on the cheese, bring on the champagne bottle microphones, bring on the sing-alongs and heightened emotions and funeral rick rolls. Every other time a character has sung on this show, it’s been natural in the awkwardness and the slightly-outsized emotions and the inherent goofiness of it all. This time, they just could not create the right emotional conditions to earn this moment. I’m not going to give a detailed critique of a child's performance on a public website, but unfortunately I think this is a moment when the writers actually underwrote what Henry needed to say, because I’m mystified as to how he’s actually feeling and doing. Understanding those things is essential to understanding where this story is going, so I’m really upset that a huge chunk of information is missing now.

And that leads me to the incredibly unsettling ending. I had to be talked down off a ledge. I’m now pretty sure the ambiguities of how Ted and Michelle are around each other are about recognizing the ways they used to work, their common reference points, their knowledge of each other, while simultaneously experiencing yet another goodbye, yet another turning point in this (realistic, tbh) endless cycle of navigating the split. But I’m really struggling to understand Ted’s headspace in the final couple minutes of the show, whereas usually I feel like I’m practically living inside his brain as I watch. 

I’ve loved s3 so far. I always knew it would be as distinct a thing of its own just as much as s1 and s2 were distinct from each other. As much as I’d be enjoying a return to the specific magic of s1, it would be impossible and wrong and even irresponsible of them to try to recreate it, and I think it would fall flat, and so I’m glad I knew that would never be my experience with this season of TV. And yet it’s a little unnerving, even as this person who’s tried to keep my high expectations open-ended, to feel so bummed about 3x8. The conversation over that beer about all the really good stuff did make me feel better, because it reminded me that the really badly done parts of this episode were less about story than about the circumstances of the storytelling. To me, those circumstances make the clunkers more forgivable instead of less. But it was still disappointing.

Probably every Ted Lasso fan feels this way on some level, but I am having such a singular experience. I am a fifteen-year-old girl again, holed up in my room because “no one understands………why I feel the way I feel about Ted Lasso.” The membrane between my takes and my empathetic yet judgmental reactions to other people’s takes is permeable and problematic. It’s shameful, but I want everyone to love it because I love it and I want everyone to calm down because I’m calm and I want everyone to be at the edge of their seat and not at all calm because I’m at the edge of my seat and not at all calm and I want everyone to love Ted/Rebecca even if they never kiss because I love Ted/Rebecca (even if they never kiss) and I want everyone to have hated this episode because I hated it and I want everyone to give it time and space to breathe because I’m trying to do that and I want everyone to wait and see what fucking happens because I’ve got some kind of freak patience when it comes to this fucking experience. I want to be my best self and I am not my best self. I’m insane about this show, and I’m not working on the issue. Eek. 

[coltrainbat]

Chris or whoever of his characters makes his GF's birthday special because it hasn't been in a long time

Best Birthday Ever

A/N: A couple of things, Firstly, Chris, if you're reading this, this is my dream birthday. Secondly, rewatching glee so shameless plug for what I think is the best cover ever. Thirdly, the dress. OMG. Actually why am I spoiling this, read the story you're going to love it. That's all. TY 💕

The anxiety swirled in your stomach when a glorious bouquet of flowers arrived at your desk. You sighed opening the card already knowing who it was from.

1 day till the big day, get excited. Xo Chris

The big day in question was your birthday. You learnt long ago to not get excited about your birthday. Yeah you’ll get a gift from your mom, a card from your grandma and a bunch of flowers from your bestie and maybe if you’re lucky a few Happy Birthday texts from some friends but ever since your 21st birthday in which only 10 people showed up out of the 30 you invited all feigning excuses of being away, sick or celebrating some distant aunts wedding anniversary you have since tried to avoid making a big deal of the day all together. You found it best to just save yourself the embarrassment. 

Chris, on the other hand, had been buying a gift every day from the 1st of this month leading up to it. Chocolates, flowers, making special dinners, little, small gifts like jewellery, perfume, plants or quirky knick knacks for your desk. In his opinion, one day wasn’t enough for you and you need to celebrate the whole month. 

While you appreciated the gesture and enjoyed the curious enquiry with a subtle envy from the girls in your office about the beautiful bouquet. You really just wanted to snuggle on the couch with Dodger, watching a movie, maybe even get super crazy and crack open a pint of Ben & Jerry’s… birthday cake flavour of course. Besides, all your besties from college were scattered around the world and your family a good 12-hour flight away. 

You arrived home, throwing your keys in the bowl and shrugging off your coat. 

“Honey, that you?” Chris came bounding down the stairs, Dodger in tow. 

“Hey baby… did you get my surprise.” 

“I did thank you they were beautiful.” Closing the space between you, wrapping your arms around his waist. 

“I want to skip my birthday.” You looked up at him, resting your chin on his chest. 

“Oh, come on baby, you’re not that old. Look at me! I found 10 more greys in my beard. 10! That’s 10 more since last week.”

You chuckled rubbing his beard into your hands.

“It’s not about getting old. It’s just the day itself is never that good for me.”

“Well, I’m going to change that.”

“Oh really?” You questioned him.

“Yeah really, tomorrow night we are going out.”

“Argh do I have to? Can’t we just stay in and watch that new Netflix movie.”

“No arguments. Please, you have to trust me on this.”  

“Ok, fine, I trust you.”

You wake up, to the soft singing of Happy Birthday, opening your eyes, there was your gorgeous boyfriend, in nothing but his boxers, holding a singular cupcake and lit candle in his hand in the doorway. You sat up as he walked towards you shielding the flame with his other hand. Dodger jumped on the bed, smothering you with kisses.

“Happy Birthday to you…” Chris finished his serenade.

“Make a wish beautiful.” You blew out the candle

You wished for the best birthday ever. 

He leaned down, grabbing your cheek, pulling you into a long, passionate kiss. 

Placing the cupcake on your bedside table.

“And now for the best part… Birthday sex.” He beamed. You couldn’t contain your giggles as he tackled you back down into the sheets. 

Your workday went by breezy with more cake, more Happy Birthday singing and more jokes about getting older but not wiser, 

That was until you got a string of calls:

The first from your mom saying she was sorry she couldn’t be there, but she’d bring your gift next time she sees you. 

Then from your best friend, who understandably, couldn’t go halfway around the world for a singular day but you should expect a package at your door. 

Then a group call from your college girlfriends who were either working or caught up with the kids but who had all pitched in to get you a voucher to your favourite restaurant and wanted to make sure you had a drink on them.

And finally, texts from your siblings and cousins, with Happy Birthdays and Love you’s but no promises to visit anytime soon. Ya know life is crazy busy etc. 

It was fine. Totally fine. You still had tonight with Chris. This thought didn’t stop you from shedding a few tears on the toilet at work. Why would you even assume that anyone in your life cared that much to travel to see you just for an irrelevant birthday. You were delusional. But after tonight the day was over and you didn’t have to go through this again for another year. 

At least they remembered, I guess. You sighed, wiping your eyes with toilet paper. 

You got home and continued your same routine, keys in bowl, coat on rack. But no Chris and just Dodger sitting at your feet.

“Where’s daddy Dodge?” The pup crocked his head in confusion, letting out a little whine.

Great. Not here. And not even a text. You figured he had a sudden work thing pop up and would be back shortly. 

You went upstairs to your bedroom, hoping to lie down before you had to get ready. When you noticed the large box on your bed with a card on top, addressed to you, naturally, it was your birthday after all and any box with a bow on your birthday is instantly yours.

You opened the letter, immediately noticing Chris’s handwriting. 

  Y/N, 

  Put this on. Car is arriving out the front at 7. Be ready by then. I had to pop out to run errands and will meet you at the restaurant. Love you, Chris. 

You thought it was sweet he got you a car, but you were a little disappointed he couldn’t take you there. Your disappointment quickly disappeared though when you saw the dress in the box. 

You gasped at the sight of the shiny dress with feathers on the hem. Holding it up, you didn’t even want to guess how much it cost, not to mention the matching bag and shoes that came with it in the box.

Excited to put on the opulent garment you jumped in the shower, taking your time getting ready knowing you had 2 hours, you blow dried your hair and used all your best makeup products. Finally, you slipped on the dress.

“OMG it has POCKETS!” You admired yourself in the mirror, repeating the action of slipping your hands in and out.

The tightness of the dress engulfed your curves, showing a decent amount of cleavage and the noticeable bump of your ass.

Chris definitely chose this dress.

You got a text on your phone telling you the car was out front, so you grabbed your bag, gave Dodger a kiss and made your way outside. 

The driver stood outside the black Mercedes. 

‘Happy Birthday ma’am.” He tipped his hat as he opened the passenger door, holding your hand as you scooted in carefully. “Thank you.” You smiled at him.

Champagne. Thank God. You gulped down the glass as you sat in anticipation of what Chris had planned. 

Finally, you arrived at the fancy bistro, making your way inside, the whole place was empty which was unusual for the Michelin star restaurant, on a Friday night none the less.

There he was. Sitting at a table right in the middle of the room. He looked drool worthy in his smart outfit, his khaki shirt slightly unbuttoned revealing his gold chain and a peak of his tattoos.

He finally looked up and caught your eye, jumping from his seat and straightening his tie, holding out his arms for you.

“There she is!”

He pulled your hand and spun you around, getting a full 360 of the dress.

“God, it looks even better on you.”

“I love it so much, thank you it’s the best gift ever” You wrapped your arms around his neck.

“That’s not your surprise but I’m glad you like it.” 

  What else could this man have possibly install for you?

The waiter immediately brought out your starter. You sat and ate, devouring all your favourite foods cooked to perfection, platter by platter. 

Chris looked at his watch 8:32. 

“Shit we are late, come on, get up.” 

“What are you talking about, we haven’t even had dessert yet!”

Chris fumbled with his words “I’ve got something different planned for dessert come on.” He coaxed you out of your seat. You made your way towards the door you came through, Chris pulled on your arm back.

“No, we aren’t going that way, over here.”

Walking towards the back of the restaurant, Chris lead you towards an inconspicuous black exit door. 

“Chris we can’t go through here!”

“You wanna bet?” He said as he opened the door, revealing the best thing you have ever seen.

The door opened to a beautiful courtyard, covered in fairy lights. 

  In it stood:

  Your mom, 

  Your dad, 

  Your siblings,

  Your cousins, 

  Aunties, uncles, grandparents,

  Your whole friendship group from college with their significant others and kids. 

All of you and Chris's mutual friends.

  Heck, even your work friends. 

  And of course, 

  your best friend.

  All in one place, for you. 

“SURPRISE!”  They all shouted at you. 

You almost bowled over in shock but not before your bestie ran up and engulfed you in a hug.

“But you all said… I thought… with the travel… and the cost of plane tickets…and… you-“

“Chris flew us all over here, sorted everything down to accommodation, travel, babysitting, food even drinks!” She beamed, shaking a cocktail in her hand.  

“You did all this?” You turned around to your boyfriend, standing sheepishly, his hands behind his back.

“Yeah, it took a bit of rearranging and months of planning but yeah I did.” He smiled

You practically jumped on him, unable to wrap your legs around his waist due to the dress. He lifted you off the ground, hugging you back.

  “Thank you.” You whispered in his neck. 

  “Nothing’s too much for you babe.”

  “Best. Birthday. Ever. And it’s all thanks to you.”

“There’s one more thing.” He gestured to his right; a choir had formed into positions all dressed in black. 

And then they started to sing. 

Your favourite Glee cover. Sung by a professional choir. No fucking way. Tears started to well in your eyes from joy as you felt a strong arm wrap around your waist. You looked up at the beaming man who leaned close to your ear.

“Told ya to trust me.”

You spent the night, catching up with friends you hadn’t seen in months, drinking from bottles of expensive French champagne, dancing like crazy and telling Chris a billion times over how much you loved him. 

Your birthday extended all the way to 5am in the morning and you wondered how he was going to top this next year… 

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 5 Rewatch Thoughts Part 1

(edit bc I started writing this post like 6 months ago - hi! I'm gonna finish going through the rest of the phayurain episodes of LITA finally! I've lost all sense of shame so these posts are just gonna be love letters to Eul, hope that's ok) Hi hi hi! I find it absolutely hilarious that the notes on the final part of my episode 4 rewatch post (which contains my best screenshots of That Scene) has like triple the notes of the rest of the parts. I love the thirsty LITA fam <3 I think I kept it mostly clean for the first 3 episodes but LITA brainrot is real and from here on out I'm putting down all my deranged thoughts into words so enjoy

Onwards to episode 5!! Ok so y'all should know by this point that BossNoeul sang the opening right? I added it on spotify and have listened to it on repeat so much over the last week that I could probs (badly, bc my singing voice leaves much to be desired but I can and will belt it at the top of my lungs) karaoke it now. If y'all haven't heard the full version check it out bc they rap a few bars and Noeul has this line "shake your bo- shake your bo- shake your body" that makes me lose it every time

The recap sees us revisiting some rather adorable moments from the previous episode including PhayuRain in the rain and tub. Imagine if they stuck the leg kiss in the recap >.<

We open to sunlight pouring in through the curtained windows on the morning after. I kind of wish the last episode had ended with this scene bc it would have been a soft transition after the intimacy PhayuRain shared rather than the abrupt cut to credits. But I digress.

Phayu's hair looks glorious out and I wish we'd gotten to see it like this more. In fact I think we should've seen Rain push his hands through it and grip it during episode 6's NC scene. Also the definition of that bicep? Sir pls.

I ADORE how sweet Phayu is towards Rain all the time, and this is yet another example. I love it when characters look fondly at their lover (I finally get to use that word for them!!), cover them with a blanket, and then give them a forehead kiss before sliding out of bed. SO FOND

I just think it's really attractive when people do this. Rain was really missing out by snoozing.

The state of Rain's neck and chest sends me into hysterical giggles every time. Phayu you did not have to go that hard with the marking bestie (let's be honest though, looking at the state of Phayu's neck post episode 6 they both have marking kinks) - everyone's gonna know Rain's officially yours soon enough. Also throwback to how like two months ago (or something like that idk the exact timeline) Rain was like hmph I never want anything to do with P' Phayu ever again. I didn't hear any complaining from you last night hmm??? Also I love how confident Rain was in his abilities to seduce Phayu, so true of him

I'm DECEASED

OK WAIT I think I finally get the whole yellow-blue thing. It literally is just that yellow is Rain's representative color and Phayu's is navy blue. So by making Rain put on Phayu's navy blue shirt for the "morning after" they're just reiterating that Rain belongs to Phayu now. Mystery solved :)

Obligatory shot bc he's worked hard for these gains and I think he deserves some appreciation ft. Rain who's making the same face as all of us. I think they spent like 30 whole seconds on Phayu's shoulders and that's so valid of them

Sir, do you have a good reason for striding in here shirtless and sweaty to wake your new bf up? Methinks someone was hoping for round 2

Ok, and we're back to Rain in a yellow t-shirt looking very feverish. He's holding his teal green phone (case) up though which is a combo of yellow and blue, isn't it? I'm sorry my color theory is lacking. His eyebrows look really nice here and I don't know why I noticed. I hope he has a good nap! But oops he misses calls from Phayu...

This episode's title is "the Calm Before the Storm" which implies it's gonna be a mostly tooth-rotting fluff episode and that drama is on the way next week. I'm already smiling so wide my cheeks hurt so the title is apt.

Phayu (dressed in navy blue!) is here to make sure his precious Rain is ok and Mama is already planning the wedding in her head.

The first three or four times I watched this, I was paying too much attention to their faces and probably missed a lot so let's break it down a bit. Phayu comes in, Rain's surprised and sits up, and Phayu sits down next to Rain on the bed but facing away. Phayu is slightly upset that Rain went away without saying anything and he was worried that since Rain was sick that him driving home alone was dangerous. The second Phayu sits down this way, Rain reaches out to grab his arm but Phayu pulls away. Compared to couples in other dramas, PhayuRain depend on touch a lot to communicate so obv the situation is quite serious plus Phayu is not immediately making eye contact with Rain.

The next couple of shots are just back and forth where Phayu asks why Rain left and Rain tells him what happened and apologies for worrying him. He looks v v soft and fluffy here

Gonna take a second to appreciate the background music bc it sounds so serious and doom-y right now but they're literally about to clear it all up so it was unnecessary to go that hard. Sound artist I love you

Throughout this conversation, Phayu starts far away (which for PhayuRain means there's like 1.5 meters of distance between their faces instead of 0.15 meters) but he moves closer and tilts his body more in Rain's direction as Rain gives each justification. He also lets Rain grab his arm. It's very subtle but I like the acting choices here.

Phayu, Rain is sick. Can you pls stop staring at his lips bff give him some rest (spoiler alert I counted like 5 lip-looks in the next 10 seconds, Phayu didn't hear me)

OK this hug. Exquisite. The gap has been bridged, all parties are happy again, and they both absolutely sink into each other.

Boss' little shoulder rub here is so soft and gives us more PhayuRain believability. We can see how worried he was and how relieved he is now that Rain is safely in his arms again.

Rain's cheek-smushed nod agreeing to never disappear from Phayu's side ever again is everything to me.

I don't actually think this was what I was supposed to get out of this but there's something about the symmetry of this hug and them being in the shape of a triangle and how technically their first encounter as a couple involved Phayu's triangle tool etc. etc. etc. Also headpat alert!

More subtle and soft gestures from Phayu. Rain is down bad.

HANDS!!!

We really heard the MWAH here and I want to forehead kiss whoever placed the mics

Everyone needs to observe Rain's expression right after Phayu asks this question bc it's very sus

(I couldn't get it in motion but Rain straightens up a bit and raises his eyebrows. Someone thinks they're about to get spanked like before)

Except this is not that kind of punishment and I can't believe Phayu really brought along a rectal suppository. To his credit though, I believe they're supposed to be more immediately effective than oral medicines because they absorb more directly into the body so he just wants Rain to be healthy faster. Although I wish Phayu would've not proceeded to yank Rain's pants off without permission, it's fiction and I hope if Rain had shown signs of major discomfort he would've listened. I do have to wonder if Mama put on headphones though bc Rain was really loud with his protests. I also think this must've been funny to film bc if you look closely before it cuts to Rain's mom, Rain looks like he's holding back laughter.

Uh-oh, Mama it's better if you walk away now

This sequence was actually so adorable and funny. I love purrito!Rain and Phayu is looking way too smug. Mama Rain walked out of there trying to name all the yellow and blue flowers she could for the wedding centerpieces.

omfg Phayu calling Rain's mom "Mama" is so friggin cute and I love how smoothly he just slid into son-in-law position

Rain's like excuse me I'm sick I should NOT be slandered right now

To part 2 with all the cute shots!!

[deanstead]

Promise

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

Requested: no

Summary: Y/N overhears a comment Natalie makes about their relationship. Later, Y/N witnesses a scene that makes her a little uncomfortable.

Word Count: 1.9K

Warnings: Not a Natalie friendly fic

A/N: Again, I want to emphasize that this is not a Natalie/Man*tead friendly fic so read at your own risk! I set sometime during Season 2 during the time Natalie is dating Clarke. I’ve been wanting to write something like this for ages but I didn’t have the courage to so… I rewatched early Med and got back in my feels lol. Also an anon requested something similar while my requests were closed. Thank you bestie @sheetsonfire for beta-ing <3

WILL HALSTEAD MASTERLIST

“Is the offer for drinks still on the table?”

That’s how it had all begun. You remembered it, as if it was just yesterday.

It wasn’t as if you’d never seen the way Will looked at Natalie but you’d figured you had nothing to lose by asking him out for drinks. And you knew that when he’d come back to see if the offer was still standing, it probably had something to do with the fact that Natalie and Clarke were spending a lot more time together.

But there was also something different, like he was much more determined.

Will had surprised you with how forthcoming he seemed when you went for drinks, and somehow very naturally, a few more drinks over a couple of months later, the two of you were here, a couple that had just made a very important decision about 24 hours ago.

“Y/N?”

You glanced sideways at Will Halstead, a smile spreading across your face. Your Will Halstead.

“You gonna get off and go to work?” Will teased, before he paused. “You’re okay, right?”

You smiled and nodded. “Just thinking.”

“About what?” Will asked gently, one of his hands reaching to the back of your head gently.

You shrugged. “About the first time we went for drinks.”

Will gave a small confused frown, even though the smile lingered on his face, as he waited for you to explain.

You just smiled. “Just marveling at how we got here.” You answered, glancing at him. “I’ll see you back at the... our apartment tonight.”

The smile on his face widened as you answered his unspoken question.

Moving in together seemed like both a great and horrible idea at the same time, especially considering that it felt like something that needed a lot more consideration. But other than the fact that you’d both be saving a lot of money, it was also something that you felt was important in order to understand each other as a couple, which was what you had also communicated clearly to Will the night before.

Your last relationship had been a car wreck. You’d been ready to marry him, or so you thought. Until you’d moved in together and everything fell apart piece by piece. In hindsight, you knew that the problems had always existed, that you’d been ignoring them until they couldn’t be ignored. But that didn’t change the fact that you’d wasted 6 years of each others’ time.

So you’d decided that if and when you entered into a new relationship, this was something you should try out early on. You’d expected Will to turn you down so you were pleasantly surprised when Will was game for it. And here you were now.

You turned to leave but Will’s hand closed around your wrist, tugging you back towards him. “Forgetting something?”

You let out a chuckle as Will gave you a kiss. “See you later.” He whispered, his eyes lingering on you as you quietly alighted, slipping into the crowd of hospital staff that were coming in for their shift as well.

It wasn’t any surprise that the news of you and Will moving in together moved quickly, not that you were trying to keep it a secret.

In fact, you thought everyone was handling the news pretty well. Will had already been in a good mood but now, bolstered by everyone's well wishes, he had offered to buy drinks at Molly’s that night and asked both your friends to stop by if they could.

You felt pretty good about how everything was panning out, until you went down to the ED later that day.

You weren’t on your ED rotation this week so you weren’t expected to be down in the ED but you’d been paged about one of your frequent flyer so you’d gone down to take a look. You’d just stopped by one of the computers to key in what you needed to, bending to pick something off the ground when you heard it.

“Moving in together for convenience? A little weird, don’t you think?” Natalie’s voice was low but you were close enough to hear every word.

You exhaled quietly, your hand closing around the pen you’d just picked off the floor.

“I’m just looking out for Will.” Natalie’s voice continued, probably responding to a silent expression Maggie had given her. “He’s my friend and she…”

Just as you were wondering if you could slip away without being noticed, Connor blew your cover. “Y/N, you okay?”

You couldn’t even be mad at Connor.

“Yeah, pen took a nosedive.” You said in a quiet voice, getting to your feet.

At least Natalie looked sheepish, you noted, unable to stop yourself from glancing at her before you left the ED.

Connor fell into step next to you, both of you heading towards the elevator and you glanced at him as the both of you stepped in. “What?” You asked, feeling his eyes on you.

Connor raised an eyebrow. “You okay?”

You nodded, not sure how much Connor had heard or picked up on. “Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.” You said, shrugging.

“You coming to Molly’s later?” You asked as the doors opened on your floor.

Connor smiled. “For you and Will? Absolutely.”

You waved, as the doors closed and you headed further into the ward, ready to put whatever you’d heard out of your mind.

“Hey, you okay? You seem a little…” Will paused. “Distracted.”

Will called back for your attention and you glanced back at him, giving him a smile before you shook your head.

“Just a weird day.” You answered him, your eyes drifting over to where Natalie was sitting with Clarke just a table away.

Thankfully, Jay arrived to interrupt both of you and you were grateful that the night was spent in laughter with the Halstead brothers. This was definitely much better than a party. Will paid for almost everyone’s drinks and people stopped by yours and Will’s table to chat but other than that you weren’t really the center of attention.

Natalie cast a few glances at you but you didn’t say anything. You hadn’t even said anything to Will, and she’d probably figured it as well, as she gave you a polite smile.

You just nodded back at her before you turned your attention back to what Jay was saying.

Things were going so well, you found it a little hard to believe yourself.

You’d mentally psyched yourself for something, well, anything to knock you and Will off balance. But it hadn’t, not really. Sure, it felt a little strange at first but every morning when you woke up next to Will, it reinforced your belief that everything would be okay.

You’d gotten all the way up to the ward when you realized that you were still holding Will’s phone.

Shaking your head at yourself, you took the elevator right back down, heading towards the ED where you’d left Will.

You took a quick glance around the ED, realizing he must still be in the doctor’s lounge and headed straight there, pushing open the door almost naturally.

Will’s back was to you as he spoke in a quiet voice to Natalie, Natalie’s hand on his arm.

You hadn’t felt anything in particular until Will turned and his expression changed. You felt your heart twist but your expression didn’t, and you raised his phone. “You left your phone with me.”

You gave him a forced smile and turned to leave, feeling the air grow heavier with awkwardness.

“Y/N. Wait.”

Will took a few more steps, catching up to you easily just as you stepped out of the lounge. He grabbed your arm gently and turned you back around to face him.

“Y/N, listen.”

“Will.” You warned, reminding him you guys were not alone. “We’ll talk later, alright? I’m late.”

You paused, hesitating before you reached forward, pushing yourself onto your toes to give him a quick kiss, leaving without saying anything more.

You couldn’t shake the look on Will’s face - a look that was almost guilty. It was that look that haunted you for the rest of the day so you were grateful for a busy day full of surgeries, consultations, rounds, anything you could get your hands on. It wasn’t so much that work kept your mind occupied, more that it cleared it.

So by the time your shift was over, you were ready.

You met Will by the doors as usual, throwing him a small smile, even though the atmosphere seemed a little more awkward but you didn’t say anything until you got in the car, throwing him a casual “let’s order in” before Will nodded and drove the both of you back to the new apartment you now shared.

There was silence for a bit as you took off your jacket and Will glanced at you.

“Y/N, please say something.” Will said in a quiet voice.

You glanced up, before you frowned. “What?”

“Say something. Anything. Scream at me, do something, don’t… don’t shut me out.” Will’s voice shook a little at the end and you looked him directly in the eye.

“I’m not mad, Will. I’m not pissed.” You said, your voice even now. “I’ve thought it through.”

Will angled his head to the side a little, the way he did when he was confused.

“Look, I get it. It’s Natalie.” You said, unable to stop the tinge of sadness from lacing your words as you spoke, watching his expression change. “Just promise me one thing, Will.”

Will didn’t say anything.

“Just promise me that you’ll tell me when it’s over. Don’t make me guess, don’t leave me hanging.” You said, the words slipping out so fast you felt like you didn’t have control over what you were saying and you caught yourself wishing you’d had this conversation before you moved in.

“What are you talking about, Y/N?”

“Just promise me, Will. I’m fine with everything else, just…”

Will stepped forward, reaching for your hand and closing it around yours. “Nothing is over. I’m not… I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”

You remained silent so Will continued. “Natalie and me, that’s… it’s in the past. Nothing ever happened and nothing will happen.” Will paused before he continued. “She was checking in on me. To make sure everything was going well, and I told her that it was. It was going perfectly and I have never been happier, so…”

“I trust you, Will.” You said, smiling now. “I do, one hundred percent. I’m not mad, I just… it just got me thinking, you know? About losing you, about everything.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Will said, his voice low now as he pulled an arm to your back and pulled you against him.

You gave him a look and Will sighed. “Fine, I promise.”

You nodded but Will shook his head to tell you he wasn’t done. “But what you're worried about is not going to happen. You're not going to lose me.”

You just smiled, as Will’s fingers closed gently around your hand. “I’m sorry if I was weird today.”

Will shook his head. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“I would trust you with my life, Will Halstead.” You whispered.

Will cupped the side of your face, his thumb resting on the side of your face, the rest of his hand resting along your neck before he pressed his lips gently against yours.

“I love you.” Will whispered.

You looked up at him, blinking. Knowing he’d caught you by surprise, Will grinned before he easily lifted you up into his arms, laughing as you squealed in surprise but quickly pressing his lips over yours.

“I love you too.” You answered, as you hooked your legs around his waist before he continued the kiss, this time the kiss going deeper before he headed straight for the bedroom the both of you shared, your lips still pressed together.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

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Character taglists are open!

[lurkingshan]

People I wanna know better tag meme

Tagged by @my-rose-tinted-glasses, thanks bestie!

Last song?

Woke up this morning with Hozier’s Abstract (Psychopomp) in my head.

Favorite color?

I've been in a real purple mood lately.

Currently watching?

Weekly live watching: Cooking Crush, Playboyy, Ossan's Love Returns, Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun, Last Twilight, Sukiyanen kedo do yora ka, Cherry Magic Thailand (current fav), The Sign

Catching up soon: Chaser Game W (coming to Gaga this week, yay!)

Bingeing: I just finished a rewatch of The Rebel Princess/Monarch Industry with @twig-tea and started my next show for the IG trauma challenge: 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us.

Last movie?

Monster (2023). Watched this with @bengiyo and @twig-tea the other night and lord, is it sticking. I'm seeing these kiddos in my dreams.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory?

Savory most of the time, but I definitely have a sweet tooth that gets out of hand on occasion.

Relationship status?

*taps the aromantic sign* single in perpetuity

Current obsessions?

This whole blog is a tribute to my obsessions.

Last thing you googled?

Last night I was furiously googling trying to place a scene from a drama or film where a character eats a strawberry and says "sweet" suggestively because there was a similar moment in 180D. No, I did not find it and no, my memory will not supply me with any further details to end my torment.

Selfie or another pic you took?

You may enjoy this screenshot of Ten looking great in bisexual lighting from this week’s Cooking Crush

Tagging @sorry-bonebag @incandescentflower @airenyah @bunnakit @syrena-del-mar to play!

[petercapaldi]

i was tagged by @crowleydiaz - thank you, my love! 💙

TAG SOMEONE YOU WANT TO KNOW AND/OR SOME OF YOUR BESTIES

favorite color: magenta last song: moment in the sun - sunflower bean last movie: rewatched psycho last night <3 currently watching: our flag means death + loki, i'm also always rewatching good omens and i wanna start the fall of the house of usher later tonight other stuff I watched this year: good omens, heartstopper, barry, ted lasso, wwdits, bbc ghosts, the bear, succession, the last of us, the white lotus, around the world in 80 days, and probably a bunch of other stuff i forgot about shows I dropped this year/didn't finish: mando.... currently reading: the haunting of hill house - shirley jackson currently listening to: lots of kate bush and leonard cohen for some reason currently working on: uh. a massive gifset? does that count hgdsk current obsession: flag + gomens 😌

no pressure tags @dancingcrowley @ierospit @blakbonnet @izzyfag @thegeekyartist @edwards-teach @crowleykinning @theshiningbeacon @mobius-m-mobius @rachelsennot @azrphales xx

[14carrotghoul]

get to know me :)

Thank youuuuu to @kiwiana-writes for tagging me!

Last song: Treasure - Bruno Mars. I just got home from a long car karaoke session with my best friend from my nostalgia playlist!!! Had so much fun and lost my voice a lil :) about died laughing when fruit salad by the wiggles came on shuffle

Last film: Society of the Snow - gruesome but very good!

Currently reading: Started Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler last night! Also slowly reading Freedom is a Constant Struggle by Angela Y. Davis, but it's hard to pick up on the days the news is overwhelming bc I'd rather keep an eye on the current events

Currently watching: millionth rewatch of Breaking Bad for background noise while I write! And screaming at Real Housewives of Salt Lake City with the bestie!

Currently consuming: water and trader joes black tea boba ice cream

Currently craving: no more snow or ice!!!!! Also chilaquiles or a sausage breakfast sandwich

Tagging @read-and-write- @happiness-of-the-pursuit @inexplicablymine @gayrootvegetable @affectionatelyrs @ssmtskw @cha-melodius @firenati0n @xthelastknownsurvivorx @tintagel-or-cockleshells @suseagull04 @cultofsappho @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @dumbpeachjuice and anybody else that wants to share the things they like!!