#right now tho my work is killing me
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Taylor Swift wrote this specific line for Xing Zhi when he was willing to abandon it all just to be with Shen Li. (It's true. I was in the room with her.)
#one of these days when I'm free from corpo responsibilities i will compile ts song lyrics & match it with shen li & xing zhi's relationship#the legend of shen li#right now tho my work is killing me
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forever amazed and confused at how often transformers franchise just straight up depicts suicide attempts. like not even considering the superhero trope of "i have to save everyone!!! by choosing to die!!!!!" thing. like. non-allow-yourself-to-die-to-stop-a-thing-from-killing-everyone-immediately type situations. which tbh i wish more ppl talked about but not the point here
like. sure mtmte, a comic abt mentall illness and war, i expected it to be aware of the concept. but its not handled well and mostly used for shock value or "im better now i swear! i have a husband and everything" BUT ITS IN THE KIDS SHOWS TOO??? MY BESTIE G1 RODIMUS?? BEAST WARS DINOBOT???
#my pupils dilating so wide when that one beast wars episode opened on dinobot reciting shakespeare and then pointing a sword at his chest#also im mean i think only beast wars was successful at trying to be like 'but you Have to Live.'#i love them both dearly but g1 does not love me and mtmte does not love me. do u understand#mtmte being like 'you just have to meet someone to live for!!!' -> doesnt work even in canon ->#-> 'nono im still right you just have to meet someone to live for!!!'#but im fond of g1 just showing a guy whos told to die go 'yknow what yeah ok'. and then gets revived but god thats so fucking funny#psychological drama where rodimus doesnt get found on time and now the autobots have lost two leaders and my girl haunts the narrative#suicide tw#suicide ment#dummy posts#srry im still thinking abt mtmte. cd being like. i dont want to kill myself bc of my spouse. my spouse is dead but#i dont want to kill myself. ok my spouse is back time to kill myself so he can be happy with someone else.#ok no killing myself my spouse said no.#everyday tho im upset abt my babygirl red alert. mental illness woman used for jokes shock value rodimus angst then tossed tf out only to#come back 'better' but then BAM 'evil influence mind control by evil villain'. but shes polygamous now i guess thats going for her#sorry um. red alert isnt canonically a woman im just weird abt her. shes a mentally ill butch woman to me i need to hang out with#her so bad we could spiral together
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They make running away from the paparazzi look so sexy 🥴
( @sysba 🥰)
#ocs#can I interest you in some galen art in these trying times? jdkskdjfj#it kills me tw galael is smiling straight at the cameras and valen is hiding from her bad decisions loll 😭#jk she likely wasn’t in the mood or just flicking her hair#she loves her bad decision very dearly she would never be embarrassed of him<3#and they’re very good looking too! you won’t catch ugly galael ever they simply don’t exist#made me think of those memes where someone wld try to snap an ugly pic of a dude and he’s smoldering in every single one of them#😭#I would argue that their 0.5 forehead pics on valen’s phone are also pretty#also tiktok girlies were so right about blonde highlights on red hair 10/10 she looks hot and slutty as fuck#anyways I love these clowns they mean a lot to me actually#been a while since I doodled them a finished drawing#have a bunch of wips tho I should finish them bc these blorbos always deserve more art and I miss em#galen#my art#they’re the IT couple fr#put them on a top 5 celebrities of the season article#<<<< now I wanna draw them naked with a fur coat on the cover of a magazine#… 🧍♂️please god I have work to do
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11:23
I'm a damn leech. That's all I am
#audrey/kellie's rambles#audrey/kellie vents#dont mind me#im a leech. im a bug. disgusting. im too much to bare. others in the community talk to each other and yet rarely me#i try to talk witj them. maybe im just not that ... good with my ocs. maybe thats why they never ask. maybe-#im too fucking clingy. im too obsessive. im too moody. im fucking crazy.....#I'll just be here tho. i wonder why no one really talks to me. outside of the internet and in of the internet too#but maybe that means im too fucking annoying for something. bjt then again they have a life and its not sll about me. and my long ass asks#they should be sble to live their life. and yet here i am. getting jealous fucking jealous that my friends are talking to each other#its stupid. i shouldn't be like this. its fucking stupid to he jealous of my friends talking to each other. but it seems like i only#see them as my friends or maybe its because i said smth about my school. and then they leave me alone. but theyve.. always left me alone#always. always a shadow. always actually reminding me that im a bad fucking person. always to be there because...#honestly it has to be me. right? im the damn problem. thay dont talk to me. yet i talk to them endlessly. like they are already gone or smth#i suck at being friends. because this is who i am. some possessive fucking freak. i really should. choked myself with some wires.......#this is just reminding me that my twin is more better and more interesting then who i wanted to be hack then when i was on Amino.#even back then they didn't care for me. now its like its the same but much worse. because-#i hate it. i hate feeling lonely. what the fuck. give me fucking validation. give me attention. give me love.#give me any fucking kind of attention. hate on me. spit on me. kick my legs. i dont. i just want attention. i want to be the center of it#all. but im not and it fucking kills me. i want it so bad. and honestly? i did. for a fraction. because of Flor and my other past ideas#and Flor was a bit of a self insert. she was a sona. in a way. and now Yume will be one too. but-#fucking. don't fucking talk to me. i need to work on his draft
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not that this means anything to anyone but v4 (yellow) I'm rly proud of finally fucking getting at the gym today its taken me 3 visits over the last 3 weeks to nail it. woof......
#the start is NASTY i do it with one foot crammed in the top corner of the right semicircular one and wedge my hands as firmly as i can-#backwards against the top of the other dual tex on the left n push until i can reach the middle n bring my left foot up..#lemme tell u now. those starting holds are higher off the ground than u think 😵💫 theyre above hip height for me#dual tex is slippery hard plastic rather than the usual sandpapery texture of indoor holds btw. see the light reflecting off it? yeah.#fucking death trap for sweaty or chalky hands but in order to use the top of the volume later u 100% need chalk#so i have to start without it n chalk up halfway#also im relatively short (for a climber.. not short generally lol) so i cant reach the volume w both feet secure. was giving me hell 😭#cuz it means i have to put my whole weight on a CURVED DUALTEX SURFACE!!!!! theres not even rly any good spots to smear#so scary. and yeah the finish is a pain without crazy reach too i had to get a whole elbow on top of the black volume before i could#on my like 4th? try today i got one hand on the final hold and my friend watching said out loud wouldnt it be sooo annoying if u fell rn#and i slipped just as he fucking said that bc he put the idea in my head but luckily JUST caught myself w a smear. ASSHOLE (affectionate)#i need to get someone to film me doing it next week i wanna start recording stuff so i can see what i need to work on#n also remember things im proud of getting!!!!#this is my 3rd v4 at this one gym i think.. theyre a little softer abt grading tho i only have 1 v4 under my belt at the other one#some truly disgusting v3s today too. someone got a great pic of me grimacing on one bc i only got one hand to the top#ill fully send it next week my legs were just killing me by that point n theres some weird twists n pushes u have to do#but so close...argh!#anyway damn its wayyy past my bedtime and i have to be up for work in 6 hours 🙃 gonna shower and zonk out gooooodnight#.diaries
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Wanna put your friend in a lil terrarium just to see what wacky things she does stg 😂
i actually Cannot Stress the migraine she gives me every time we hang out. like without fail she'll always say or do something that ranges from mildly questionable or irritating but relatively Whatever to How Have You Survived This Long Without Burning Your House Down Boiling An Egg
#snap chats#and then there's her just forgetting things or being late despite the amount of times ill remind her#and i keep stressing to her i cannot stand it when people are late. and then she shows up to things an hour late anyway#or 'when shes late' by fifteen minutes because she didnt think to text me she's there. and im already stressed and annoyed I. UGH i swear.#LIKE. i have only really had two irl friends and both of them i lowkey had to parent in some way#at least my childhood bestie she's like. she's grown a lot and even if i havent spoken to her in a while im real proud of her right#THIS MOTHERFUCKER THO. OUUUUUGGGH.... youre not supposed to say anythin if you dont got nothin nice to say#which is contradictory to the main body text but point is let me Not be any more mean than how ive been already LMAO#even funnier about her looking at that comic is that LITERALLY masumi says he's talking to jo ☠️☠️☠️☠️#did i already say i have to remind her who jo is every three seconds#like the entirety of chap 2 when ichi's out of jail she was all 'why doesnt he just say who ACTUALLY killed the guy'#and then when we finally run into the fuckass who 'actually killed the guy' she's just 'wait who's that'#then i tell her and shes like 'oh my god he's so old now' IT'S BEEN 18 YEARS DUMBASS#ngl did wanna make a comic based off that LMAO BUT POINT IS she tests my patience every day and i think its good practice#if im going to work with people in the future like ohh.. my god....#she told me once she's never been on a date and its like. yeah i wonder why you can't even be assed to show up on time to hangouts ☠️#like ive never had friends so maybe im just insane.. im not insane for wanting people to be on time tho....#OK IM BEING TOO MEAN LET ME CAP IT THERE
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lookin at some of the man big poses and.... 🥺
#hil.txt#sorta.#adrian river u will always be famous to me for literally no reason. they just scratch my brain right.#Im relearning how to take photos and its going to kill me. none of my keybindings are right. where the hell is cyberlit.#(its attached to reshade now im p sure i just haven't fixed it yet)#my depth buffers or w/e are screwed up and have been since 1.5 so i haven't been able to use Nice dof and now whenever i take a photo#i see screen tearing. HWAT IS GOING ONNNN.....#my hotsampling works without issue tho. and i've got these and they're cute. 🥺
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working on a template at 2am bc i'm upset i didn't have the time for it during the day
#rena.txt#my brain is working who cares that it's late right?.......r..right?#its that social media thingy for joelle bc i may not have that much lore yet but i have the vibes now and i want to think of her#so i'm basically just collecting pics for now sjcjsndjf i can do that at 2am. yea. what else should i be doing? sleep? NAH BABY#tho i'm scratching my head real hard bc that template has 3 messages spaces and i can like fill two but the third is killing me#ideas come to me for the love of god.#mutuals lend me ur sole as a friend to mine challenge...haha jk. unless? 😳#i should really just sleep wkfjskfkd GIRL HELP KNOCK ME TF OUT
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Do you think these 4 people know that at this point I've pack bonded with them and would kill and die for them if they asked
#Every day I refresh my tabs and every day I scream internally#Right now I'm betting on us either getting a trailer for the new episodes or a movie/game with It as the main draw OR#Or we are getting a first look at the new opening#I don't know what else could be a special announcement because I would think premiering an episode early would be a mess schedule-wise#So a trailer for a movie/game/the next few episodes would make sense#But also the new opening has been in the works for months at this point. So this would be the perfect time to show it#Cruddy rambles#I'm trying to maintain my expectations to 'I will be disappointed if I expect the best scenario'#But also being realistic in what this special announcement is and what they're gonna show#I really think it will be a trailer or the new opening. I think that'd be perfect while not showing the full episode it'd still build hype#And just show people what they're there to see and what they're promoting (G5)#Like come on don't tell me we wouldn't all lose our minds over a teaser trailer featuring G5 showing us it fully animated for the first time#Because in Film Red we just got static G5 Luffy. Which was dope BUT I want to see how he's gonna move.#And even if it isn't relating to the upcoming episodes seeing a game/movie get announced with G5 as the main draw would be so fucking hype#I loved film red don't get me wrong but I think they're gonna announce another movie soon#And what perfect time to do it!! G5 is gonna be in the anime soon so a whole movie based on rubberhose antics would be so fucking fun#And hey I'm in the minority here but I do love the one piece games despite them being super simplistic#And I would kill for a game where you can play as Nika. I would KILL FOR IT#I will say tho my worst fear is what G5 will have CGI components#They've been using them a LOT in Wano and it's so obvious every time and well 🤢 they don't look good...#It's too smooth and obvious and sure that *could* lend to the whole unnatural rubberman vibe Nika gives off but like...#You have a whole genre of non-CGI animation to be inspired by!!!! If they forgo rubberhose and make it even partly CG I *will* cry
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.
#god I've never felt this bad about the whole new year thing#like people talking about the things they did in 2022#I've always felt kind of proud yk? of other people and what they've accomplished#this year i hate it#i feel like a failure and the fear of not graduating in march and subsequently messing up even the only couple of things I got figured out#about my future is kinda killing me right now#and also no therapy for two weeks!#and I'm heavily isolating again and guess who came back? my fucking ed that decided to ruin my life in the first day of 2023 lmaooo#i feel like pure shit#i want things to go back as they were before I don't care that i wasn't ok it was still better than now#'you can't base your relationships on needs' well it worked tho didn't it people used me but at least i had people around#'it's ok if you relapse you're gonna relapse it's normal' not if i kms first wdyt#the only new year resolution is gonna be not get hospitalised lmao#i mean. apart from the whole hip thing yk#sorry sorry tbd#rant
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Bro Bro, who I affected with the Genshin fever, pulled Raiden yesterday (I imparted my wisdom onto him, from the months I have been playing longer, and so he saved his guarantee for her), sunk his remaining 80 saved wishes into the weapons banner, and deadass got Ayato's sword. Twice.
He sent me screenshots and I had to laugh so hard
#shut up ip#genshin impact#I got raiden too since I had guarantee and 110 saved wishes#he did end up getting her polearm after scraping together a couple more wishes#I admit I put my remaining 30 wishes into the weapons banner too which was my first time pulling on it#had to spent 80 on getting ei since my pity was abysmal#I had stopped right after getting tighnari from scara's banner#I did c6 sayu tho so now I have 3 c6s#I didn't get anything from the weapons banner myself and now I will save for the next char I want#I am not interested in alhaitham so I am curious in the reruns for the next update#bro bro keeps inviting me into his world so I can kill his bosses#he just got to world level 5 and my lvl 90 chars make easy work of them
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free. in my zone. living my life. zooming
#nothing to do thats major at all until january. god bless baby.#then school start ._.#i have been more stressed about finishing work than i have been about going on plane again#amazing#had meeting. went well i did everything sooo right#‘oh lets get rohan to speak on this topic actually hes the design lead’#and i DID speak on it and i DID relay information effectively i am winning social situation ^__^#i can only handle talking to people in professional setting bc there are rules and guidelines#i simply follow them better than everyone else#WHY WAS I THE ONLY ONE WHO SHOWED UP YESTERDAYYY you are all insane#so free now. all of my coworkers are insane but they all i think enjoy working with me#a slay. a win. hehehe . i am useful i love it here#i sure did tho be like omg i finished all my work now ill be free. to work on my portfolio again <2#stupid. insane behavior the workaholic grindset is getting worse#i dont care tho i have crossed soooo many things off my planner im winning life and being so sane babey#imagine i used a peace sign at the end of that sentence i cant find the emojis on this new keyboard its killing me#the gamer speaks uwu
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next time i say im going to try something new art-wise yall need to stop me tbh
#this project will kill me#right now its looking really promising tho#but holy shit work my hands are already dying and ive barely scratched the surface.....#night is an absolute mess on main
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finished the suffering game graphic novel. reviewing my options now. think i’m gonna go with uhhhhhhhh Formless Overwhelming Melancholic Loneliness
#oh BOISE we are up too late tonight fellas!!!!#shouldn’t be awake at this hour! i’m too old and too mentally unstable to be awake at midnight these days!!!#the Malaise Miasma has got me now tho. closed the book and was immediately Afraid to go to sleep#because of the. loneliness? I guess#hey god when do i get to get lost in the sauce and find out all my broken edges are because something took half my heart away from me#hey god when do i find out that i’m not deficient in the vitamin i just need to get my memories of my whole heart back#hey god. hey. hey god. thought that shit was what i was getting with antidepressants but it’s not working. i need my heart back god#<- shit that idiots who are too invested in a dnd podcast say#the dream is that you feel unwhole and unwell because you are literally physically mendably unwhole. some jellyfish gogurt will get u right#there is a tangible exact specific reason why you are the way you are. and it will be fixed. voila!#that aching void inside you is soooo shaped like a specific person you never knew you forgot but you can remember them!#it’s not a void at all! it’s just a slot where someone else goes. all better. problem solved. dilemma deleted#so much better than knowing the void is just a void and the best you can hope for is covering it up with increasingly competent area rugs#so no one sees and it doesn’t hurt anyone and you can usually forget it’s there!#god. kill me. take me out back I’m done for the week at least
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IF I SAY A FUCKING WORD .
#its fridsy i can deal with this.#but OHHHH MY FUCKING GODDDDDD#today was so fucked and thrn u gotta put the actual Reason 4 my entire turmoil today#into my path and work#and i . yea Okay.#feeling Inferior tje whole day bc id soent the wgole day dealing w my memories and crying over the relatiknship#like . Alright. thsnk yuo fkr that#and if i say a fucking word abt wbats going throigh my head i may nust habe to#pull tje trigger piglet!#bc Ohhmy fucking god#this cannot be happening to me At All i am Suffering Through Hell With This#and i am.going insane i am . mentally#in a stdiaght jacket cackling in a white padded room kinda insne ato#my life has got to b entertaining SOMEONE bc im no longer HAVING FUN with THIS#get me OFF the tracks#ive been saying this since 2021 but im like . demanding it now . enough is wnough am i joke to you#i gotta be right wbt my gut feeling bc otherwise i will habe to kill myself#or just leave in the middle of the nighy#evrn tho . i habe Zero dollars in my bank acc i Somehow thibk i could do it .#id go to bris tho not melb#whuch is tje only reasonni am Holding Out on it bc id rsther die thsn move to bris now#its just . yea id rsther hust move to melb .#anyway . im going to Kill Myself
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My mom just came in my room right after I got home to be like how did it go???? What happened???? When are you going back?? How do you feel??? Are you ok???? What are your hours???? What did they say??? And I know she means well but
#and she gets upset at me when i don't wanna talk#IM SORRY but I've been anxious about this for 3 days#the actual thing took an hour +#I had no idea what to expect going in#even tho my mom was convinced i had already gotten the job (i hadn't)#(i tried to tell her why i was unsure and she was like well im sure you got it!! but i didn't know and i HADNT YET)#YES ive been stressed about not having a job but now im stressed about HAVING a job!!!!#i want to forget it exists before i have to do things!!!!#its like she. doest understand how i cope with things#but ive explained it#and then she intrudes while im coping and gets upset at me getting upset#and talking about it while I'm trying to decompress makes me 50000x more anxious#and then she gets worried about how anxious i am#and then she thinks she needs to check on me more bc my anxiety is worse#but then i dont have a chance to decompress so the anxiety doesn't get better#and i tell her this and shes like i just wanna make sure you're ok#but shes making me less ok!!!!#just now when she came to talk about this she knocked. and actually kinda waited for an answer for once#and i didn't answer. bc i didn't wanna talk#so she COMES IN ANYWAY!!!!!!!#she knew i was in my room. she knew i wasn't sleeping bc i just got home. she just wanted to ask about it#while SHES ALSO WORKING!!!! AND DOESN'T HAVE THE TIME!!!!#idk if i didn't answer the knock on my door doesn't that suggest i dont want to talk???????#and she would say she wants to make sure im ok. which i can't argue with ig. but ive been in the house for 5 minutes#i didn't have time to kill myself. respectfully.#and ive TOLD HER i dont like to talk right after#my mental health is not at a point where i cant be trusted alone in a room for an hour and it NEVER has been#i KNOW shes my mom and she worries and she wants to take care of me i GET IT. but GODDDD!!!!!#anyway.#tw suicide mention
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