#rip that @$%^ ayee

[blogfullofemos]

Dire

*It's all fun and games till someone suffers a heart attack*

This idea legit popped into my head (mind you I'm dealing with a rude head cold) and I was like yyeeaahhh that would be so Jake Lockley. 😄

Pairing: Jake Lockley x reader

Word Count: 800 (oookkkaaayyy I like that)

You wake with a start as your heart beats harder than ever before. Whatever rest you were experiencing just seconds ago is long gone with every ring from Jake's alarming ringtone. You quickly grab your phone from the bedside table, and answer. "JAKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!!" you yell. Instantly regretting the sudden outburst, your heart drops as Jake lets out an agonizing groan. "Babe?" you follow up. Ripping the blanket off your cold-sweat skin, you press your phone closer to your ear. Needing to hear everything coming from his end.

"I'm... Sorry beb-bita... Just a little-AYEE!!"he breathes out, followed by the signal of his car's seatbelt unbuckling. You quickly get off the bed and run to the front door of the flat. "It's okay baby, just tell me where you are?" you rush as you struggle with the door's locks. You must still be in a state of rest.

"I'm parked at the front." he huffs as the call ends. You drop your phone to the floor, finally unlocking the door. In minutes you make it to the elevator button and smack it frantically. Waiting inside the elevator, your intrusive thoughts frolic within the metal walls. You try to breathe through your panic; but Jake is hurting and this fucking elevator isn't moving the way you need it to. "C'mon, c'mon, coME ON!!" you rush out loud as it finally lands to the lobby. Once the door opens enough for you to slip through, you book it. Swinging the building's door open with a bang, you feel the cold wind jolt through you. "Shit, shit, shit." you mumble hugging yourself, running toward Jake's open car door. Jake gives a weak smirk as his bloodied gloved hands rest on the puddle of his stomach.

"Oh my God babeee." you whimper as you touch the bloodied interior of his car door. You jerk your hand away from the wet texture in disgust as you get closer to his awkward sitting position. You kneel only slightly to level yourself to him. Your eyes rapidly assess him as he smiles "You're in your undies." he informs meekly with blood trickling out of his mouth. You shrug, a tee and frilly panties is the least of your troubles. Bringing your hands onto him, you try to assess him deeper. Gently moving his head side to side, blood all in his curls and drying around his ears. Your nose burned as you sniffle, tears freely falling from your cheeks to his bloodied white button down. Unbuttoning 2 of the buttons, when you head to the third he stops you with one hand. The other never leaving the bloody puddle on his stomach. Finally you look at his lovingly brown eyes, "It's okay bebita. M' gonna be okay." he tries to console weakly. A sob betrays you as the situation is the exact opposite of his words. You swat his hand off of yours as you continue to open his shirt, wanting to see how serious the injury is. "Bebita."

"Jake please." you cry.

"I need you to get something from the trunk." he urges instead as he continues to fight you to stop. He places both of his hand on your cheeks, forcing you to look at him again. His eyes give you a firm order, and you suck in a sob as you nod. You lean closer to him to kiss his forehead, "Te amo mi vida." you snivel.

Before he could return the sentiment, you run to the trunk of his car. You hear a click as the trunk unlocks and you lift it. Your watery eyes shot open as realization smacks you like the fool you are. Empty gallons of fake blood scatters the barren trunk. Wiping the smear of blood on your cheek, you bring it to your nose. Smelling in denial as confirmation of the ploy leaves you dumbfounded. You drop your hand and stand there for a few more minutes. "Did you find it mi vida?!" Jake yells. You rub your redden nose as the last tear leaves you, taking one of the empty gallons in your hand. You slam the trunk closed and silently stalk toward his "injured" body.

When you finally stop next to him, he's sporting a bloodied smile. A laugh trying to leave him as he says, "Te amo?".

"AAYYEE MI AMOR!!"he yells as he hugs his head, the empty gallon bouncing off from it and landing on the sidewalk. You storm back to the building not caring about the man behind you anymore. "BEBE IT'S A JOKE!! BEBITAAAA!!! MI AMORRRR!!!" you hear him beckon for you, scurrying to get out his car while in a fit of cackles.

Yeah you're definitely locking him out for the rest of the night.

[borathae]

Question, do the sanguis boys wax down there? I don't know why but because kook is a masochist I can see him waxing even his hole 🫣

Oooh good question 👀 HCs under the cut

Yoongi

never thought pubes to be a problem

on himself or his partner(s)

"We're all adults, aren’t we? Adults tend to have pubes. Where's the fucking problem with them?"

he does like taking care of his bush however

he likes trimming the misbehaving spots

and shampoos it daily

once a week, he even puts moisturising oils in them to keep them soft

they'll always have a faint clean scent to them

and sometimes hint from under the hem of his pants nfnfnf

Taehyung

go bush or go home

he fucking loves it wild and natural

the thicker and hairier the better

loves the look of it when there is so much of it, it comes out of the underwear

he loves painting it omfg

there is so many close up paintings of just his lovers' genitals and bush

you find him burying his face in a good bush and smelling it aggressively

he's a little unhinged like that

same with armpit hair

takes care of his own bush religiously

it may appear wild and unkempt, but trust that he spends minimum five minutes daily taking care of it after his showers

Jungkook

he is either natural, trimmed or clean

it depends on how he feels

when he’s natural, he washes them and moisturises them religiously

when he’s trimmed, he likes keeping his balls and hole clean because trimmed hair is too itchy for him around those areas

when he’s clean, Imma take your HC and say that he waxes himself

well, I think he lets someone else do it

it was an aesthetician at first, but then he got awkward about it

now he asks someone of the polycule to do it

OC would be careful about it and always warn before the rip + ask if he's okay afterwards

they would listen to chill R&B as they’re doing it and she would go all "super duper king spa" mode HSJSJS

Yoongi would be nonchalant and quick about it

he'd be all like "spread your ass more", "arch your back more", "kook stop wiggling, I know the wax is warm but I ain't gonna get your balls if you keep wiggling" and he'll ask if he's okay just once after everything is done

I can see him and Kook drinking whiskey as they’re doing it and either sharing silence except for Yoongi’s orders+Kook's complaints OR they talk about their shared interests

Tae would be either in grieving over the lost hair or make it sexual

listen. Kook really isn’t out to make it sexual but it gets really hard (pun intended) to stay soft when Tae touches him in such sensual ways.

he'll hold his cock at his tip and give it slow, "innocent" jerking movements as he applies the wax on his balls for example

or he'll be all like "there as well? There? Right there? I can’t seem to see any hair however. There you said?" as he pokes around the first few inches of Jungkook’s hole with his pinky

like. LIKE. Waxing with Tae will end in sex 98% of the time

sometimes he also asks Hoseok and I think he'll be a mixture of OC and Yoongi

he tries to be quick to make the pain as short as possible but he'll keep being apologetic and worried he hurts him too much

one time he accidentally apologised to Kook by giving his hole a "booboo bye" kiss instinctively JSJSJSJ

that moment was really awkward at first but then both men laughed about it

(Kook ended up pulling him in for a makeout session afterwards cause pretty best friends make out sometimes ayee)

Jimin

has the biggest body image issues ever

please don’t ask him about his genitals or pubes

when he’s natural, he thinks he is the dirtiest, most unattractive rodent ever

which ends in him rapidly shaving himself, close to tears and in a pitch black room

(his vampire vision makes it possible)

and then once he's clean, he'll hate the look of it

cause now the focus is all on his dick and he hates it

please don’t ask this man about his pubes situation because he will break into tears on a bad day

Hoseok

I see him keeping it really neat and tidy

not too long, but not too short

he'll be so meticulous and shape them to perfect symmetry

I can see sharpe edges with him

he'll shave the parts visible from his briefs

and keep his balls & hole clean

like so, so clean and soft and pretty

he comes from porn, so he always makes it a priority to be presentable down there

Seokjin

how dare you ask about something so private

no on a serious note, I think he likes to keep his pubes short and his balls free

he shaves them

and his "bikini zone"

and his hole

which results in the most contortionist poses ever in the shower jsjsjs

one time, Emma offered to wax him

which they did and that was the first and last time Seokjin cursed at her Sjsjsjs

they never tried again HAHAHAHA

Namjoon

he currently lives in a hidden cabin in the woods with no connection to the outer world

so he has other stuff to worry about than his pubes Jsjsjsj

when he was free and in his glory, he kept it neat and tidy however

I can see him ordering his subs (slaves) to lick his pubes as humiliation because he'd keep calling them disgusting for it

or he'd shove their faces into them and order them to take a good wiff

like he saw pubes as a patch of power and a tool for humiliation

send tweet.

[wolfythewitch]

I’m stumbling into ur inbox with my clothes all ripped up and bleeding /J

During boomers first ever lore stream. Philza came in gave boomer a netherite ingot said “you seem familiar” or something close enough to imply they knew each other. With todays lore boomer announced that they don’t even know how old they are and knew Sam long enough to know there was an original body but had never seen it. (Cc!Boomer confirmed yesterday ((11/01/22)) that their character could see into the future.) THE COMMENT WAS THE HAT LOOKED FAMILIAR WAIT WAIT,,,, BOOMER SAID THEY GOT THEIR HAT FROM THE FROGS GIVE ME A SEC GIVE ME A SEC I am so sorry about this give me like,, eternity

As you are the resident c!philza expert, comments? Theories? /lh feel no obligation to answer dnakfbsnfbsks /lh

AGAJSHSHS AYEE OLD PEOPLE

I. I am not the resident cphilza expert I am so sorry, I have a singular braincell that ping pongs around screaming "CPHIL" but lore analysis is Not my forte

Simplest answer (I think) is if Phil knew Sam before he had new bodies, and Boomer knew Sam After the new bodies but had never seen it, then Boomer came after Phil had cut ties with Sam. That means that maybe he kept tabs on Sam over the years and saw Boomer with Sam a handful of times, not enough to know him to the point of familiarity, but often enough to recognize him maybe

[birdo-is-here]

ayee this one has a bit of lore behind it but not in the way you’d think!

This is Mary (she/her), she is based off the Mary Sue,,, trend?? stereotype?? idfk whatever Mary Sues were supposed to be Mary is kinda. supposed to be the personification of that

Now I babble quite a bit today so there’s a cut, but i’ve got some stuff to say about her

Now. First of all I want to say Mary is a muuuch older character of mine. I made her probably when I was 11 or 12, that’s at least 4 years ago

Here’s a fun fact about me, I had absolutely no critical thinking skills until maybe the age of 14 or mid-13s, and at the time I of course did not really realise the issues the entire Mary Sue thing had in general

Since those four years i’ve realised that I. really do not like the Mary Sue trope at aaallll. It is a very mean trope, simply making fun of young artists/writers for having fun with their characters, which obviously is not very good. As I stated, it feels very mean

Because of this, I’ve kind of wanted to scrap Mary’s entire base concept because like. well duh I don’t really want to make a character like that that just feels so. mean-spirited yk, i don’t wanna do that!! Art is art there are no rules to art you should be able to do whatever the hell you want with it as long as its not hurting others and that’s that!! Don’t bully people for experimenting with colours and styles and tropes!! That’s called being an Ass!

BUT DESPITE THIS. I could never fully scrap her!! Admittedly she had a counterpart for “Gary Stu” which. did get “scrapped”(in quotations because its a lore thing now wooo) But Mary?? I couldn’t get rid of her!! And very recently I think I realised why!!

For some context, Mary (and Gary) was originally from a story where there was a sort of. “spirit” for every known concept to exist, including the concept of Mary Sues and Gary Stues. That being said, Mary (and Gary,,) were basically the rulers of that universe because. need I say why. And they were also incredibly self-aware and could pretty much do whatever they wanted

Does this sound familiar at all?? To me, yep! Mary (and Gary,,,,,,,) was essentially the FIRST Off-Scripter I ever made!! before I ever even came up with the concept! Now, we all know that, chronologically, Naut’s the first Off-Scripter created but with my stories, we all know that chronological timelines aren’t the only timelines here

I think this is the sorta reason why Mary was never fully forgotten because like. that’s significant yk

So what have I chosen to do instead?? Well of course i’ve decided to lean into that Off-Scripter..ness about her A LOT more. I imagine that Author!Birdo probably had the same realisation that I had and tried to “scrap” her (and her universe, that story is probably gonna be scrapped im just not that interested in it anymore 🤷‍♀️ who knows i might get a burst of inspo tho) But! Mary is an Off-Scripter! And in typical Off-Scripter fashion simply decided. not to get scrapped (unlike her bf rip Gary 😔 haunting the narrative route for you)

And its gonna be a hell of a thing where like. Birdo is HELLA peeved about Mary’s existence because they hate it ygm. Just like me, Birdo doesn’t really want a character that feels so mean of a concept to exist in their universe, but alas?? Off-Scripter magic makes shit complicated again :(

Where we go from there?? I’m not too sure! I haven’t planned that far ahead I only came up with this stuff like. literally a couple days ago lol, but yeah there’s that

[halloweensuittruffles]

YOYO i saw you write for our favorite partytroll lanque, could we have lanque dragging the reader and he ends up confessing red feelings to them, in the most hardass way possible?

AYEE!! Id love to! It’s fun to think about that lil jade having to say how he feels 💚💚 Hope you like it!!

❤️❤️Lanque x Reader❤️❤️: Confession

Good lord this wasnt happening.. Lanque was cursing at himself repeatedly as he was reapplying his eyeliner and pure black lipstick in the mirror. Of course he’s got karma coming at him like this. An alien (aka you reading heh) just shows up and ruins his whole persona.

He found you funny to pick at at first, you were strangely cute to him despite it looking like you had a mutant troll disease and no horns. You were someone he had never seen before (cause you were a damn alien of course)

So he would sometimes see you at more and more parties and how carefree you could be without doing anything too crazy. It bewildered the jade but fascinated him at the same time. What confused him more was the color feelings he was seeming to have in the first place for you.

They weren’t hate, they were pity. Red. Pure red. And Lanque wanted to rip his hair out for it-

Ok enough! Enough! He thought.

“Stop being such a fucking pussy!!”

Lanque spat at himself with distaste in the mirror. Unfortunately for lanque his anger at himself melted away as quickly as it showed up and he just felt pathetic. Why was this so hard?? He felt like a wriggler that could barely reach it’s grub food due to its large horns.

As usual Lanque had a party he could go to tonight, he knew you’d be there sense you both had texted eachother about it previously

So why the hell is he acting this way..

The jade let those thoughts just stay bottled up though and waited for when the hive (the party was at) as blasting noise and color almost as big as the green sun itself. Lanque slipped inside making quick pace to squeeze easily past the fellow trolls near.

You were exactly where he thought you’d be! You were sitting on the edge of a couch in the living room with one of those red party cups in your free hand (though it didn’t have liquor in it, just soda pop of a purple color with pink swirls in it)

When Lanque saw you look up in his general direction he couldn’t help but grin at you slightly. Your eyes focused on him eventually and you smiled back waving at the jade.

You were so well…alien to put it lightly haha! It just interested the troll so much..

You scooted a bit to give room for Lanque to sit down. It was always fun to see your ol buddy Lanque. You quickly finished the sentence you were typing on your phone before giving the jade your full attention

“I didn’t expect you here actually,” you chirped sipping your cup “I thought you preferred more…uh..out there parties!”

Langue snorted a laugh, running a claw through his black locks of hair

“That Was last Week, sometimes eVen I need a fucking break” He playfully nudged his elbow into yours as he spoke. Earning a laugh from you

“Didn’t know that was possible” you giggled

“Do you eVen know what you’re drinking?” The jade questioned his nose crunching up some

You go to answer that question but your face quickly drops. Huh. Yea you actually really don’t know? You saw other trolls picking it up and drinking it so you just joined.

“This is squeakbeast poison.”

Even though you had only taken a sip and already swallowed it you started coughing and spitting everywhere. Good lord!! This is how you finally kick the- uh just die I suppose!!

You’d be panicking more if the roaring laughter of the jade next to you didn’t make you stop you probably would just have kept coughing

“WHAT?!?” You yelped

“Joking, it’s just soda”

You huffed turning away slightly from Lanque with him still snickering

“Geez I didn’t know I was THAT gullible..”

You noticed Lanque’s expression soften from the corner of your eye making you turn to him directly. He seemed to be trying to scramble his think pan and figure what to say

“No nevermind-“ Lanque finally said to which you quickly protested

“What??”

The jade frowned at you, he looked like he had the worst headache and stomach bug at the same time.

“Ok I, look. I don’t understand this myself ok? It’s fucking confusing and I Want to stop feeling like this right the fuck now-“

Lanque leaned his face closer to yours and continued

“I really don’t get it- What it is about you that so- so-“ He paused, really trying to think

“You’re Just- someone I Want like, in my sweeps, but like more then now. Like I Want it to be constant.”

“You…want to hang out more?”

“Not just that- I-“

Finally, Lanque rested his claws over your hand looking deeply into your eyes, you felt your cheeks glow brightly with color

“Damnit Y/N I’m so flushed for you. Just, the thought of you, not being around sounds like torture. Or I- I don’t even know for FUCKSAKE if it’s flushed I’m feeling but- I Want you, as my quadrant..”

You didn’t know what to say- you, you just hugged him- so tight oh lord you hugged him. You’ve been waiting for that, but it never felt possible with Lanque..

[otrtbs]

nat nat lemme tell u I'm obsessed with red white and royal blue and i rewatch it religiously and everytime texas is mentioned my brain instantly thinks of you 🤞

ayee!!! happy to provide some texas rep around here! 🤠 (tho confession: i have never seen or read red, white, and royal blue ,,,, rip me)

[scurriilous]

@daybreakrising // 𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈

  Pop ! goes the sake. The bottle may be a twist-top, but the Priest rips it off between eager teeth regardless. THREE CHEERS for another successful mission ! While the Old Geezer opted to retire for the evening, the younger of the Immortal duo felt the night was still young ; and upon stepping foot into the hideout’s common area, he found he wasn’t the only night owl prowling the halls. The progeny himself - the almighty virtuoso - sat alone on the couch. Sporting an all knowing grin, Hidan slinks beside him, likely too close for the Raven’s comfort.

    ❝ Ayee - ❞ the greeting drawls from his tongue like the BOOZE FROM HIS BOTTLE, which is lifted for an obnoxious gulp before prompting in a low, untamed tone. ❝ Tell me again of how you SLAUGHTERED the Uchiha name into extinction I-tach-i. ❞ Each syllable is pronounced intentionally delayed, his way of metaphorically elbowing the ribs of his fellow Nin.

[harlowcomehome]

Tell me why I thought I was such a lyrical genius when I thought of “she’s not with him tonight, he’s co-hosting with Jim tonight, RIP that 🐱 AYEE” 😂 - 💀

Not my dancing in real life as I sung this out in my head!! 😂

[smoked-away]

Ayee girl you wanna rip ass… rip ass no judgment here

Thx

[vadergf]

Karl just died...RIP

[kil9]

i got a new phone & im playing with the google voice thing & the ways i have to mispronounce "taemin" to get it to play 😫😭 it thinks i want to listen to heaven by tamela mann.... i have to proper go tAYmin i hate it here

[cyprus-cloud]

school is starting soon so-

[doodlboy]

I wanna dye my hair red sm-

[legolugosi]

got a diagnosis today at therapy and this was my exact thought process

[parfaithaven]

I figured out how to pin images as references in krita yall hoes dyin tonight

[sxltedcxramel]

I just noticed too >:O

Tumblr very mean >:(

The one with ur reblogs doesn't have any post :(

Bruhhh

Time to fight tumblr ig

I wonder why its like that