#rip the tags i wrote when i first tried to post this

[gekkohs]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀THREE’S A CROWD — black noir + homelander

PAIRINGS — black noir x female reader x homelander

CONTENT WARNINGS / TAGS — 18+ ONLY NSFW + DARK CONTENT , threesome , dubcon , anal , p in v , slight anal fingering , forced kissing , hair pulling , noncon voyeurism ,

KAI’S THOUGHTS — so I’ve had this written in my drafts for awhile and finally decided to post it, I wrote it one night with a lot of THOUGHTS and just how bad I need these two !! wrote with season 2-3 in mind !

You and Black Noir had a thing for a few months now, and as much as you wanted it to be a secret, you knew it wasn’t. There wasn’t much that you could keep to yourself while working at Vought, no matter how much you tried — someone always knew something about someone, it was just the way things were.

Anytime you and he wanted to meet up, he always came over to your place, somehow scaling up to come in through your apartment window like it was nothing. You weren’t sure how it ended up being that you were friends with benefits, after one time where you argued (very one-sidedly) you ended up hate fucking — now it’s just a regular thing, a few times a week.

For the first time since you began hooking up, you were in Black Noir’s room, and he wasted no time throwing you on the bed and fucking the life out of you. There was no exact communication to what had made him feel this way, but he’d just come back from being sent somewhere so you guessed he just had a lot of pent up energy.

His hand covered your mouth as he pounded into you, a feeble attempt to quieten you down, to stop anyone from hearing. He knew there was no point, after all Homelander had superhuman hearing, and it wouldn’t surprise Noir if he was in his room listening down to you getting fucked. Black Noir could tell Homelander had a thing for you, the way he watched you when you were working, the little smirk he’d pull when you bent down, how often he’d go out of his way to talk to you — he wasn’t subtle, but you still had no clue.

Noir had his masked face buried in the crook of your neck, his hips moving into you at a steady pace, getting as deep as he could into you with each thrust. You had your eyes closed and your hands white-knuckled on his shoulders, muffled moans behind his hand.

Noir suddenly stopped all his movements and you felt him shift away from you.

“Don’t stop on my account.” Homelander stood not too far from the bed, his voice was stern, almost demanding.

“Homelander…” you stared at him wide-eyed, your hands instantly moving from Noir’s shoulders and over your bare chest.

Homelander didn’t move at all except for cocking his head slightly to the side, that usual look of anger stricken across his face, it was obvious he was upset that all the action had stopped after he made an effort to get in the room to see it.

“Noir, move.”

Every muscle in Noir’s body tense up while still on top of you, even without being able to see his face through his mask, you could practically see the anger coming from him. Even though, with every fibre of his being, he didn’t want to move, but nonetheless he obeyed. He knew better than to get on the wrong side of Homelander, especially when you were here and could be put in danger because of a decision he makes.

Black Noir shuffled off you and dropped beside you, making an effort to cover you as subtly as he could with the blanket before doing so. But it didn’t take Homelander a second of thought to rip the blanket from the bed and throw it halfway across the room, leaving your naked body fully exposed to his gaze. His eyes scanned your body with a gleeful look, and when you went to squeeze your legs shut, he responded by waggling his finger side to side, letting out a tut as he did so.

“Perfect…” he smiled to himself, seemingly proud of his work, “now Noir, get under her, I want to see you fucking her while she’s looking at me.”

“W-what?” You felt a wave of embarrassment and fear consume your entire body in an instant.

Noir looked over to you, some part of him wishing for some guidance from you, but he knew that wasn’t fair — after all, not even he was standing up to Homelander in the moment, so how could he expect you to do anything as a normal human?

Without wasting anymore time, he slid under you and pulled you back so you were flush against his chest.

“Well, what’re you waiting for?” Homelander stood with his arms across his chest, an impatient tap of his foot echoing around the large room.

With an internal sigh, Black Noir realigned himself with your slick hole, slowly pushing himself into you until he couldn’t move anymore, then slowly moving his hips back away from you.

Through half-lidded eyes you could see how Homelander smiled to himself, how much he was enjoying watching the way your cunt gripped around Noir’s cock, your slick dripping down your ass and creating a mess between you and Noir’s suit. It was obvious when he started enjoying it too much, his bulge growing more and more obvious behind his tight pants.

“F-fuck, Noir.” Your back arched up and you couldn’t suppress your moans any longer.

“No.” Your pleas were interrupted nearly as quick as they left your parted lips, “You’ll moan my name, not his.”

And yet again you could feel how Noir tensed up underneath you, that wave of anger spreading through his body with a near visceral action. You slyly reached your hand to your hip and placed it over the top of Noir’s, intertwining your fingers with his.

Noir kept his hips moving against all wants, the tip of his cock repeatedly hitting that spot deep inside of you, constantly forcing pretty little moans from you.

“Yeah, just like that…” Homelander laughed as he pumped his cock in his hand, unable to just stand still and watch, he was so hard it tittered on painful.

Noir despised the idea of Homelander seeing you so vulnerable, in such a position that he put you in by dragging you into this room rather than just waiting a couple hours to visit you at your place. There was perhaps a sense of jealously that washed over him, a need to gloat, some primal instinct that made him want to prove his claim over you — to have Homelander know that even though he was watching, he wasn’t the one touching you, wasn’t the one making you moan like that even if it were his name rolling from your tongue.

He brought his gloved finger to your clit, rubbing fast and rough circles over and over as his hips hammered into you, forcing you over the edge he knew you were so close to.

“Noi—…Homelander, fuck.”

That was his tipping point, hearing his name from your lips was the end of him, the end of watching and not doing, “turn her over.”

Black Noir pulled out and you groaned from the emptiness, he carefully flipped you around so your chest was pressed firmly against his. As soon as he had your legs spread either side of his body, you felt the weight on the bottom of the bed shift from were Homelander was kneeling on it. His hands ghosted over the fat of your ass before finally grabbing it, groping and kneading like he’d been waiting forever to do.

He wet his finger and slowly pushed it in to you, barely moving at first as if to test the waters, and when you didn’t seem too effected he finally moved again. A part of you hated feeling him touch you, his fingers pushing in and out, but there was something in the thought of having both their cocks inside of you at once — the way they’d both fill you up so well, stretching you out in ways you never had been before.

Homelander moved his fingers in rhythm with the way Noir fucked into you, and even though he was desperate to feel you around his cock he knew better than to try and fuck you before warming you up — after all, he knew how pathetically delicate and fragile humans were.

The sounds of your moans mixed with the sound of your cunt was becoming too much for him, his cock left untouched and desperate from friction was unbearable for him. And at this point he didn’t care whether you could be prepared more or not. Homelander spat on his hand as rubbed it up and down his cock, a poor attempt at some form of lubrication before lining himself up with your ass.

“Wait, w-wait.” You whimpered out as he slowly bullied his way into you, stretching you out in a way that took your breath away until he bottomed out.

For a moment he stayed still, allowing you a moment to adjust to the intrusion, but the more he could feel Noir moving, the more riled up he became.

Black Noir wasn’t happy about the idea of Homelander fucking you too, and you were too high with pleasure to even care anymore. Homelander on the other hand had a secret point to prove, he wanted you to know he could fuck you better than Noir could, better than any man could for that matter of fact.

As much as he hated the idea of having a crush, he couldn’t deny it to himself any longer. You plagued his thoughts day and night, daydreaming of fucking you when he was in a boring meeting or some stupid talk he had to give — even getting to the point he’d be having wet dreams about you, and how he’d have to fuck his hand when he woke up, all while fantasising about you.

“Fuck…” Homelander groaned to himself as he felt you twitching around him, another orgasm about to rip through you while both their cocks slammed into you at the same time.

The faster they got, the louder you moaned, and the more worried you became about someone else hearing you. But neither of the men cared, instead they were having some silent competition between themselves about who could make you cum the hardest, and they both had a point to make — just so happens you were their referee.

“I—I c-can’t,” your nails dug into Noir’s suit, your head buried in the crook of his neck.

Anger flowed through Homelander as he watched the way you gripped and snuggled into him, how you were moaning in his ear. It wasn’t fair, Homelander knew he should be the one under you, the one you leaned on and begged to let you cum.

“Come here,” Homelander grabbed a fist full of your hair and pulled you back, forcing your head to the side just enough for him to lock lips with you.

The kisses were sloppy and breathy, you could barely formulate a thought and it made it near impossible to kiss him properly. He didn’t care though, he was just happy to finally kiss you, to have his tongue exploring the inside of your mouth while he was balls deep inside of you. He stared down towards Noir, a hint of smugness in his eyes while he continued to kiss you.

It pained Noir to see Homelander doing the one thing he’s never done, and probably never would do, and Homelander knew that. But it only fueled the fire of their feud even more, and Noir slowly trailed his hands up your body before stopping at your tits, his rough gloved fingers tracing over your hardened nipples. You groaned into the kiss and twitched into Noir’s grasp more as he rubbed and teased at you.

Even though he might not be able to kiss you yet, he knew everything you liked, he knew how to please you in ways that Homelander couldn’t even imagine.

“You’re so fucking filthy. You know that, huh?” Homelander hissed at you as his hips stuttered slightly, but he was going to hold out as long as he could.

Tears beaded in your eyes as another orgasm shook through you, the overstimulation becoming almost too much for you to handle anymore. The feeling of your cunt clenching around Noir was too much, his rhythm becoming sloppy and uneven as he finally finished, making sure to cum deep inside your pretty little pussy as he did.

Homelander chuckled as Noir finished, somehow he felt triumphant, as if he won the battle between them by lasting longer.

Noir stayed inside of you, his hands still roaming your body and pleasuring you in other ways, not wanting to leave you with just Homelander.

“Moan my name.”

“Home…lander—“ you could barely get your words out as he pulled tighter on your hair, forcing your head further back so he could see your face.

After hearing his name a few more times, it sent him over the edge. His hips juttering and his cum coating your insides, his entire body quivered which made him practically land on you as he rolled off to the side.

There was a slight relief and sadness at the emptiness when they both slid out of you, and you fell back down against Noir. His hand ran up and down your back, while Homelander stared up at the ceiling, trying to regain control of his breathing.

“Well, that was a surprise, wouldn’t you say?” Homelander looked over to you with a shit eating grin, “we should do it again.”

[mxtxfanatic]

Just wanna say for those of y’all who came into this fandom late: just a few years ago, speaking on Jiang Cheng with anything less than glowing praise used to bring so much harassment that “angry grape”-related tags had to be created to circumvent jc stans finding and subsequently dogpiling your posts. I’ve since seen this tagging convention appropriated by his stans to be an “affectionate” petname for his character. If you wrote a wangxian fic in which Jiang Cheng did not appear, your fics would get bombarded with stans flooding your comments with their own headcanons on why Jiang Cheng isn’t around but “this is how he’d react if he was” and “everyone loves him, they’re definitely thinking about him, rn” and “when is he supposed to show up, op???” If you read a wangxian fic and Jiang Cheng did appear, there was a 95% chance that you would have to slog through thousands of words of abuse apologia paired with every character (except maybe Lan Wangji, maybe) claiming that Wei Wuxian deserved to be abused and should just learn to handle it better because abuse is really love. It took me a year of reading purely (only, exclusively) wangxian fics to find a single fic that had both 1) canon Jiang Cheng and 2) did not twist the other characters into fanon iterations to justify canon Jiang Cheng’s abusive behavior. When more canon writers started appearing, their fics got flooded with negativity, claims that the fic wasn’t realistic because “jc isn’t like that,” and demands to change things. They started moderating their comment sections. Eventually, jc stan writers even stopped tagging Jiang Cheng in their fics despite writing him as a major character because people began to avoid reading fics if they knew from the tags that his character appeared.

The “canon jc” tag was created on tumblr because jc stans said that if we didn’t like being attacked for canon opinions we should “create our own tag.” It was not a tag that always existed. Nobody used it until my friends created it. And every few months after that, we’d get a new “flood the tag” campaign by jc stans pissed at the name until it died down… until twitter refugees arrived, bringing with them a new faction of jc stans. That jc appreciate week or whatever they call it that starts on Halloween? Created by jc stans in an attempt to flood out Wei Wuxian appreciation posts on his birthday by making sure that new Jiang Cheng content would dominate all the major tags on that day. I watched the creators brag about that.

One BIG fandom upset happened when a jc stan wrote a horribly mistagged rape and murder wangxian fic and had their friends promote it so that wangxian lovers would read the fic and be traumatized. They gloated about having "successfully baited people," then tried to delete their tweets admitting it when they got them in trouble. I was there for that, too, and I only dodged being triggered because I saved the fic to read for later instead of cracking it open immediately.

Some of y’all may see me around now, but I’ve been watching this fandom for much longer than I’ve been making posts, before even the friends and mutuals I know now even knew I existed (yes I was a lurker lol). I’ve seen the development of all this play out across tumblr, ao3, and twitter (despite my best efforts to avoid the twitter side, that’s how ubiquitous it was). That’s how inescapable it was. I saw so much shit go down that I already had a mile-wide blocklist before I made my first post, and even then, I still got hate commentary on some of my posts the moment I dipped my littlest toe into metas. I had anon off for like a year because I didn’t want to deal with any harassment, and the moment I turned it off, I started getting bait anons (though not as bad as the others I’ve seen, holy shit). When I started this blog, all I did was liveblog and reblog other people’s art and metas. I was so stressed entering this fandom because the shit I had seen off rip was absolutely disgusting. That’s why I have very intentional rules of engagement that I try to hold to for myself. I may never be the first to start the fight, but I damn sure will defend myself and my friends. I also will never run away from admitting my mistakes, but I will also never be bullied into treating someone’s personal fantasies as equal to the actual factual text.

This isn’t to say that fanon enjoyers don’t get harassment. Another big fandom scandal was that a popular fanfic writer obsessed with canon had been harassing other writers through a series of bot accounts into leaving the fandom. What a lot of people don’t bring up in their bid to paint canon enjoyers as particularly prone to “fandom bullying,” however, was that the “canon” they were obsessed with was tied almost exclusively to the canon wangxian’s top/bottom sexual dynamic. I’d read that person’s works before—enjoyed them, even, before the scandal happened. They wrote fanon into their fics in other ways. The fanon/canon divide isn’t the problem; entitlement to unanimous fandom praise and recognition is.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying canon or fanon, nothing right or wrong or morally superior for either camp. But do me a favor: go into the main jiang cheng character tag right now, and count how often you see a post about Jiang Cheng that portrays him in a negative light. Not one that portrays him as an snarky asshole or a teacher’s pet or a helicopter parent or a crybaby who only wants to be loved, but one which shows him in all of his uncensored glory as a piece of shit antagonist. How often do you see fanart of Jiang Cheng that isn’t “best jiujiu” or “sad didi” or “badass sect leader”? How often do you see metas that don’t include some iteration of “everyone is just so mean about poor little jc who just didn’t have a choice in anything he ever did 😢”? Go to the main novel tag and do the same. Hell, go to the wangxian tag and see what you find while you’re at it. How many of those posts are viral compared to “look at jc with his dogs!” or “look, I made lxc and jc kiss!” Then tell me whether or not you believe that jc stans are being specifically targeted for some unique and undeserved persecution by the fandom at large.

[spacebarbarianweird]

Don't Go Where I Can't Follow

Summary: Astarion and Tiriel break up for a few months. Set six years post-game and fourteen years ago before Alethaine is born.

Tags: hurt\comfort, angst, reconciliation, another episode of 'killing your abusers, soft smut TW: a mild description of a rape attempt, a conversation about SA

Thanks @themadlu for beta-reading!

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons

Astarion decides he’s had enough.

Three months. Three months since he fucked up. He fucked up so bad he isn’t going to forgive himself. 

He let Tiriel go.

The past year was difficult for both of them. Astarion decided she influenced his actions and thoughts too much and he started resenting her after noticing how many traits he’d picked up from her.

Mannerisms. Words. Ways of thinking.

He used to be a white sheet and Tiriel wrote his new personality.

Astarion would lash at her. Demanded she stop influencing his every decision or action.

They would yell at each other. A few times they even got physical, much like two drunk bugbears trying to release all the anger they had within.

Tiriel started avoiding Astarion. When he wanted to hug her, to kiss, to cuddle – she would deny him the pleasure of physical touch.

Then yet another fight. Cruel, heartless, mean, and acid.

Tiriel said she’d had enough. She didn’t want to see Astarion anymore.

Neither did he her.

For the first month, Astarion was happy. No one was manipulating his actions, and no one made important decisions for him.

He could be himself.

But then, he realized how big his dark tent was. How empty and silent his days were. How he tried to spend more and more time trancing only to relive memories of Tiriel.

It’s his fault he lost her.

Tiriel did so much for him and that’s how he repaid her? Calling her all possible slurs? Telling her to get lost?

Astarion has had enough. He needs to find Tiriel.

He loves her. It’s not about her giving him blood or sharing her warmth. If anything, he can always pay someone to feed on, to have sex and cuddle with after.

It’s not about that.

No one is like Tiriel. No one.

But how is he going to look for her? She could have gone anywhere! They are far from the Sword Coast, and the wilderness is familiar to her. Tiriel could go so far that Astarion will never find her.

Idiot, he told himself. Idiot.

Maybe she has already found someone else, someone who values her as much as she deserves.

Maybe, years later, he will meet her happily married and with kids and the only thing he will be able to do is to promise he’ll look after her progeny when she is gone.

Three days last like hell. Astarion feels like a bloodhound or a bounty hunter as he sniffs the air trying to catch her familiar scent.

This is ridiculous.  

He will never find her.

.. The town of Moranay greets him with seagull squeals and the reek of farms. Astarion covers his head with his hood – without Tiriel he has no idea how  “vampiric” his looks really are. This kingdom, Implitur, is so underdeveloped in comparison with any city-state of the Sword Coast! And these small towns… They would be considered disgustingly poor in the West!

No, it can’t be…

Astarion stirs up trying to catch the scent better. 

Yes. It’s her.

Tiriel was here a mere couple hours ago.

He looks around and notices a drunk man, half-elf to be precise, puking by the tree and completely wasted.

“What are you staring at?! Get lost!”

A few other adventurers, probably celebrating a successful hunt, are also heavily drunk, but Tiriel is nowhere to be seen. The corpse of a monster lies in the dirt, guts open. After hesitating, Astarion realizes it’s a barghest, a monstrous hound known for ripping sheep's throats.

There is only one inn in the town and the closer Astarion gets, the more anxious he becomes.

What if she isn’t alone. What if she doesn’t want to see him?

He approaches the door to the tavern. The invisible threshold fades when the innkeeper notices Astarion and invites him inside. The vampire goes upstairs.

There.

Astarion touches the doorknob.

Tiriels is fast asleep under a blanket and Astarion watches her with awe. So beautiful, so precious.

He wants to get close to her, but the invisible threshold doesn’t let him in. 

“Tiriel” He starts. “Tiriel, please…”

Tiriel opens her eyes and stares at him in shock for a brief moment. 

“Tiriel, please, I am sorry! I am so sorry!”

Tiriel sits up. Astarion thinks he will go and face the sun if she casts him away.

“Come here!” She smiles. “Took you long enough!”

Before he realizes what he’s doing, Astarion is already kneeling by her bed. He wraps his arms around her waist pressing his face into her stomach. Her heart is so loud it’s the only thing Astarion can hear. 

Tiriel runs her fingers along his hair and Astairon weeps.

He could have lost her. There was a chance he would never see her again.

Ever.

But she is here, with him, warm and soft. He won’t let her go anywhere. 

“Hush, my love,” Tiriel murmurs. “That’s all right, you are with me now.”

“Please forgive me.”

“There is nothing to ask forgiveness for. We both needed a break.” She caresses his back, but the light armor he’s wearing prevents him from feeling anything. “I wanted to go looking for you, too. After… Well…Forget it.”

Astarion lets her go and sits beside her on the bed. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” Tiriel turns away.

“Hey, do you realize three months is merely nothing for elves? I haven’t forgotten your body language. What happened?”

Tiriel suddenly pulls away as if embarrassed. 

“Two days ago I met a man. Half-elf, like me.  We chatted. He was nice. Kind. Funny. He came to my tent the next day, and I let him in.”

Astarion stirs and feels a wave of anger. So, she did find someone to replace him. Someone warm and alive. 

“Wait, let me finish,” Tiriel presses her legs against her chest. “The moment I took my shirt off I felt … off… Embarrassed? Disgusting? His hands were too warm, his body too sweaty. Maybe it was ale or the desire to hurt you for leaving me. I don’t know. But I didn’t want him close to me anymore. He wasn’t you. So, I told him to fuck off. I told him I had someone. That it was a mistake.”

Tiriel bites her lower lip.

“He got angry. All his sweet words were gone. It was the fury of a man who didn’t get what he wanted. Well… I am not a good fighter when I am naked. He hit me. Five or six times. He tried to rip the rest of my clothes off but finally, the rage kicked in and I beat the shit out of him.” 

Astarion stands up. His thoughts are a mess. He left Tiriel all alone. She decided to sleep with someone else but changed her mind. The rejected half-elf tried to rape her. 

“When I finally got rid of him and found another place to spend the night, I cried. I cried because of my shame, because of my own stupidity, because someone else saw me naked. After all, I allowed him to touch me. And then I got angry at you for abandoning me after everything I did for you. And after that, I was angry at myself for even thinking about you being in debt with me. So, I… Well… Let’s say I thought I had a dream when I saw you at my door.”

They are both quiet for a moment.

“What can I do for you?” Astarion asks.

Tiriel smiles. Stands up from the bed and takes her shirt off. In a few seconds, she is naked and he sees bruises mottling her skin.

“They are not from him. I fell from a roof yesterday chasing the beast. Well, maybe some of them are from him, but I got more bruised from the fall.” 

Astarion puts his hands on her waist.

“Do you … “ Astarion’s words are stuck in his throat. Is it the right moment? She is always so understanding with his issues and she literally said she had almost been assaulted.

“I missed you,” she says. “Missed your voice. Missed your passion. Missed your face,” she gently pushes him to the bed. “And besides, I had never let any man touch me before you and I am so ready to forget that asshole’s fingers on my skin.”

Tiriel unfastens his belt and the straps of his armor. Intrusive thoughts are immediately back awoken by a few months of loneliness.

Astarion used to be undressed in the same manner. Women and men he barely knew treated him like an inferior thing, existing only for their pleasure. Drunk and dirty, they were barely capable of realizing the person they’d hooked up with wasn’t even alive.

“Are you all right?” Tiriel asks. “Do you want to stop?”

Her voice returns him to the present moment.

Her nipples have hardened due to cold air and she looks vulnerable without armor. The upper part of her body is elven – narrow shoulders and thin hands. The bottom part is human, her legs are muscular and strong and her butt cheeks are round.

She is perfect.

He kisses her lips and then traces her neck with his tongue. Tiriel finally gets rid of his trousers and Astarion moans when her fingers run along his member.

The next moment, they are already one.

Tiriel wraps herself around him, her core hell-hot. Astarion rolls his hips and the half-elf moans right in his ear, touching his earlobe with her tongue.

“I am not letting you go any more,”  he says as his movements become rougher and rougher with every thrust. “I am not letting you go.”

Tiriel moans and squirms in his hands. Her mouth is pressed against the nape of his neck and with yet another thrust her teeth pierce his cold skin as if she wanted to draw his blood.

“Imagining being a vampire, darling?” He pulls her hair forcing Tiriel to see his face. “Eyes on me.”

She nods.

Be it because of the long absence or because he got too excited to see her, orgasm comes quickly. He feels as if he was thrown in boiling water that immediately got pleasantly warm and his mind completely shut itself down.

Tiriel gently releases herself and goes to pick up a piece of clean cloth to wipe his groin and the space between her legs. Once she’s done, she lies beside Astarion pressing his head against her chest.

“Tiriel.”

“Hm? Sorry, I still need a couple hours to sleep.”

“Please don’t leave anymore.”

“Sure,” she kisses his forehead. “But mind me, I have a sensitive soul, too!”

Soon, she is fast asleep in his arms and Atsairon relaxes.

Everything is going to be all right from now on.

Everything.

**

The following night, they leave Moranay and set on their path to the south. Astarion notices the half-elf he met the day before. Suddenly Tiriel’s heart beats faster and she grabs Astarion’s hand.

“It’s him, isn't he?” He hisses.

Tiriel nods.

Astarion feels rage filling his dead veins. She is so strong and fierce, but in the presence of her potential rapist, she is no different than any other woman of any race or any age.

Before the half-elf realizes anything, Astarion has already knocked him down. The bastard is strong but there is nothing he can do against a furious vampire.

“Fuck!” The man tries to set himself free. “Please, don’t kill me!”

Astarion bares his fangs, wishing his eyes glowed in the dark.

“I care only about one person in this world and you hurt her. Why should I show mercy?” Astarion murmurs enjoying the man’s fear. “I like when my prey fights back, it makes their blood sweeter.”

Tiriel finally composes herself and approaches Astarion. He notices an evil smile lurking on her face. 

“Where did he hit you?”

“Astarion…”

“Where?”

“Mostly my chest and stomach. Also tried to suffocate me.”

“Please… Please, Tiriel,” the man begs. “Tell him! I won't tell anyone! Please!”

Astarion looks at Tiriel.

“Up to you, darling. Just leave some blood for me.”

Tiriel crouches close to them. “I asked you to stop, too. And what did you tell me? You said that I was a slut and sluts like me exist only to satisfy men’s desires. Also, you told me about what happened to other women who dared to say ‘no’ to you. Why should I have mercy on you? Besides, when you date a vampire you certainly pick up bad traits. One of them is lack of forgiveness.”

Astarion stares at Tiriel. She's never talked like that before. She has always been too kind, too merciful…

He likes it when she is so mean.

Astarion smashes the man’s chest with his fist. Bones break with a delicious sound. The rapist wheezes as his lungs collapse. The scent of blood becomes unbearable and Astarion rips his throat.

Scared victims taste the best.

Astarion thinks that maybe he can let the man live after mutilating him so much he won't be able to hurt anyone anymore. Maybe he should castrate him and stuck his own testicles in his mouth.

But before the thought morphs into anything rational, the man is already dead.

Astarion releases the corpse and stands up. Blood lets him feel alive. Warm. Satiated. 

Happy.

Tiriel kisses his stained cheek.

At dawn, they both sit in their shared tent and Astarion suddenly realizes it’s rather small.

“A question,” Tiriel finally asks.

“Hm? 

“If he had managed to take me by force, what would you have done to him?”

“I would have flayed his skin slowly and painfully,” Astarion casually says. “And I wouldn’t have killed him. I would have hung him on the tree to meet his demise.”

Tiriel puts her head on his shoulder.

“And would you still want me after that?”

“I should be offended by this question.”

“But?” Tiriel gets dark. “Astarion, I ask this because this is important to me. He didn't assault me. I protected myself. But what if I didn't?”

Astarion turns away. The thought creeps into his mind. It could happen. It can happen. 

“Tiriel,” he whispers “I was raped and abused more times than I can count and I don’t remember a good chunk of it all. You never thought of me as dirty or unworthy. Why should I?”

“I don't know, maybe, because my ‘purity’ somehow has a different meaning.”

“Purity… I was a dirty whore for two centuries. You could choose anyone else but chose me to be your first. How would I even dare to see you lesser than you are if some pathetic excuse for a male took you without your consent? I know how it feels, Tiriel. I know what it is to be used. To be assaulted. Not to be able to protect yourself. To be degraded and humiliated. To be used by a few people at once. When you are a mere sack of meat and nothing more. You never asked me, but you knew from the start that… well… that cunt used me for his own pleasure in bed for a few decades before I finally became so dirty and filthy he decided to send me to the streets.”

“Sort of easy to guess. I’ve met a lot of women who were through similar shit.”

“And still wanted me, still loved me, still cared,” Astarion caresses her cheek. “What kind of person would I be if I resented you for a minor version of what happened to me?”

Tiriel kisses his fingers.

“You know, I sort of liked what you said back there.”

“What exactly?”

“That I am the only person you care about.”

“Well look at this, I’ve spoiled you!” Astarion laughs. “Back when we met you weren't that selfish.”

“I wasn't. You taught me to be.”

Astarion tugs her onto his lap and as they sit together he watches the sun coloring the woods in its light.

--- Tag List

@tugoslovenka  

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@herdarkestnightelegance  

@vixstarria 

@not-so-lost-after-all  

@marcynomercy  

@theearthsfinalconfession 

@starlight-ipomoea    

@micropoe10 

@astarion-imagine-archive  

@veillsar

@elora-the-slutty-songstress  

@fayeriess  

@lumienyx  

@tallymonster    

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@my-queen-rhaenyra-targaryen 

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@dajeong

@wilteddreamsofbaldursgate

@nyx-knox

@jessaryss

[trickstarbrave]

WIP WHENEVER

HIIIIIIIIII im very excited to share this wip. im so mad i wrote this out of order bc i wanna post it immediately. im looking forward tho to finally being able to edit and post it on ao3 normally

i got tagged by @caliblorn and @your-talos-is-problematic and im taggingggggg @woundjob, @thescrolls-haveforetold, @wellthebardsdead and my roommate @soundwavefucker69

here is smth for moon and star. lots of lorkhan talk. some chim. some trauma. even some dagoth ur

literally i was like "oh yeah. its all coming together" writing this also its long im sorry

also here is my god!nerevar sketch. can be interpreted also as just how lorkhan appears to neht and the ppl around him

Malacath’s hand touched his chest and pain wracked his body. Nerevar could feel the blade cutting away his skin—cutting through the bone of his sternum and splintering it. It ripped apart and opened his ribcage, before that damn hand was then inside his chest. His anxiety spiked as he could feel phantom touches on his heart, a hand gripping it, long claws digging into the muscle as it continued to beat loud and sturdy. His whole body had gone rigid, nostrils flared and his breathing coming in quick pants desperate to get more air in his lungs. 

He was terrified. More than terrified, in fact. It was like being killed in the heart chamber but all the more worse somehow. He was choking now, gagging on blood—thick, black blood that was pouring from his chest, bubbling up in his throat.

And then Nerevar was overcome with the urge to laugh. To laugh besides the terror coursing through him, to laugh even though he was gagging and choking on his own blood. He knew he would die; it had been a part of his plan all along. He hadn’t known what death would be like, but he had anticipated it, at least on his own terms. And yet here Trinimac was, killing him himself. Ripping his heart from his chest. 

He had intended the first death to be slow and simple. A fading ember rather than a bright, all encompassing flame that destroyed everything with it. He had intended to bear the burden as the cause of the first death in their reality where death did not yet exist—was merely a theory. But here Trinimac was, unknowingly mantling that sin himself. A cruel irony he would be the one to blame for this. It was not his fault, but it would be his responsibility and duty.

He’d collapsed at some point, gasping, crying, and choking on blood as Voryn held him close. Voryn shouldn’t see him like this—not his beloved, sobbing and begging. He couldn’t hear his voice over the drumming of his own heart but he tried to speak despite all the gagging he was doing. His gorgeous, sweet lover, his beautiful hawk shouldn’t have to watch him die like this. Not when Nerevar knew this was coming, deep down. Not when he had doomed them both, sacrificed Voryn’s life on the altar just as much as his own. He was regretting it now, if only because he couldn’t apologize; how could he speak when Trinimac had already ripped out his heart? How could he explain he never wanted to hurt Voryn in truth? How would his beloved hawk even react to his death? Oh the fury he could bring down, how he could drown the world in blood and tears if he was pushed to the brink…

And what of Azura, his sister? His poor, vain, vindictive sister… She hadn’t agreed to help him, but he knew she would be in a rage over his death. And even the man killing him was sobbing and crying, apologizing despite his lord—Nerevar’s own brother—ordering his execution. How could he apologize to this man? To tell him he knew he didn’t mean for it, that Nerevar was the villain all along in this story? Would that soothe his grief? Trinimac, Kyne, Azura, all of the others… How would they fair without him? Tears were now spilling from his eyes not from pain but sorrow that he wouldn’t be there to comfort and love them. Ah, if only he could kiss his hawk one last time…

“Nerevar!” Voryn’s voice finally cut through, and a disconnect happened in the vision. He was untethered now, the sensation of falling back into his own body hitting him, and his ears were ringing loudly, a dizziness washing over him. There were no more feathers on Voryn’s face or on his cloak—why would there be? Voryn wasn’t… Voryn wasn’t a hawk, why would he call him that so fondly? There weren’t even tears streaming down his face like he had seen before, but his face was in a grimace, pained watching him writhe and flail choking on imaginary blood.

His hand came up to his chest as he felt around, but there was no gaping wound like he’d expected. Why had he felt it so clearly then? His whole body was still shaking from the terror and pain, unable to calm the trembling. 

“Do you remember now, Lorkhan?” Malacath asked, still standing over him. Vivec and Sil were currently being held back by the numerous orcs, though they were swearing up a storm and desperately trying to fight their way closer to defend him. Even Voryn had a spell prepared as he cradled Nerevar close to his chest, posed with the ferocity of a wild animal protecting its young.

“I-I’m not…” Nerevar began, though it felt like a lie on his tongue. He could still taste the metallic black in his mouth, the unnatural blood he was choking on. His body felt hot now, his mouth dry making the metallic taste all the more nauseating. “Lorkhan is dead!” He shouted definitively. Lorkhan was a dead god—long dead before Nerevar had ever been born as a lowly half blooded chimer in that ebony mine. 

“And yet, here you are, alive and in the flesh.” Malacath responded, his expression unwavering. “I would know that heartbeat anywhere. I would know how you battle more than anyone else.”

“Stop it!” Nerevar shouted, covering his ears, still shaking. 

“Why you deny it is my only question for you.” 

“I’m not Lorkhan!” Nerevar growled, teeth bared. His whole body felt like it was burning, just like in the heart chamber. That supernatural chanting from his dream came back too, at the edges of his senses, as he fought back the urge to vomit. “I’m not Lorkhan, just shut up, shut up, shut up!!” 

The next thing he knew, everything went black, the last thing he heard being his own heartbeat pounding in his ears and Voryn calling his name. 

--

Nerevar’s eyes snapped open. His hands frantically touched at his chest, once again checking for the wound, only to find nothing. Still, the unmistakable ache was there, however faint. 

“Where…?” He found himself someplace… Bizarre. There was stone architecture, that much he knew, but it seemed… Foreign, though they were in a state of disarray. It looked like some kind of abandoned tower, the roof having long since caved in, vines growing over stone. In the middle, where Nerevar was laying was soft grass and a few wildflowers. He sat up, looking around even further, confused. 

“Damn Trinimac, causing problems again…” Someone behind him muttered, and Nerevar quickly turned to see--

Himself? 

He jumped, panicked. No, no he could tell it wasn’t himself. He looked a lot like Nerevar, and sounded a lot like Nerevar, but there was something off about his appearance. He was taller than Nerevar--around Voryn’s height maybe? His hair was much longer too, not to mention he was wearing long robes Nerevar would never wear given how complicated and annoying they looked. Not to mention the longer he looked at him the more his appearance seemed to change--subtle ripples you had to focus on to know. His eyes subtly changed shape, along with his other features, sort of at random in moments where if you blinked you’d miss them. 

“Apologies for that.” The man said, walking over and plopping down to sit next to Nerevar. “I never expected his followers to summon him, nor that he’d do something like that…”

“Who are you?” Nerevar asked, his heart still racing in his chest. The other simply plopped his chin in his hand, staring back at Nerevar, amused.

“You and your lover--both just asking questions instead of even trying to figure it out for yourselves…” He tsk-tsked with a soft click of his tongue and a shake of his head. 

“How the hell am I supposed to know who you are?” Nerevar snapped. “I don’t even know where I am!” 

“Easy, no need to raise your voice.” He still looked amused, despite Nerevar’s anger. 

“Why in Oblivion do you look like me?” Nerevar demanded an answer now; he was in no mood to play games at the moment. He felt his heart being ripped out by that damn orc god and now he had someone playing mind games with him. 

The other sighed.

“I am Lorkhan.” Nerevar’s blood ran cold. 

“What…?” Nerevar stared in confusion and shock. “But Lorkhan is--”

“Dead?” He asked with a smirk and a quirk of his brow. “Don’t I know it.” Lorkhan then laughed heartily. “But when did that stop the dead from interfering with the living from time to time?”

“Why are you here?” Nerevar asked, leaning away from him. 

“I thought it would be only fair to show myself to you after that stunt Trinimac pulled.” He explained. “Though I imagine the fact you were stabbed through the chest once before only made it that much harder for you.”

Nerevar was trying to figure out the situation he was in, putting the pieces together the best he could. Several daedra called him Lorkhan, and here was Lorkhan looking remarkably similar to Nerevar. Was it possible people were mixing them up based on appearance? That didn’t seem quite right; it would make sense for Malacath and potentially Dagon, but Dagon didn’t call him Lorkhan initially, and not to mention it wouldn’t explain the nords. He doubted the elf hating people of Skyrim would so readily accept an elven appearance for their chief deity. Nor did it explain the strange, supernatural beating of his heart that drove him to accomplish strange feats out of sheer willpower alone. 

“... Why do you look like me?” Nerevar repeated his question again.

“Come now, I thought you’d be smart enough to figure that out.” Lorkhan laughed again. 

“Answer me.” 

“Well,” Lorkhan’s grin looked mischievous now. “It’s only fitting I look like you because I am you, don’t you think?”

This time a numbing tingle followed the chill in his blood. “Y… You…”

“Or well, I suppose it might be easier to understand if I say you’re a part of me.” Lorkhan continued. “You wouldn’t be the first mortal to be a fragment of me, anyways.”

“I’m not you!” Nerevar snapped, gritting his teeth. He did what he was best at: lashing out when he was truly scared and confused--when problems became too difficult to ignore or solve on his own. “I’m not you! I’m not Lorkhan!!”

Silence followed, the faint sound of birds chirping having vanished, the sky turning a stormy gray. He was panting from his outburst of yelling, but the screaming hadn’t really solved anything. Lorkhan was still sitting in front of him, looking at him with a serious expression, unphased. He was still in this crumbling tower, sitting in the grass. 

How long could he run from this? Daedric princes called him Lorkhan. The nords called him Shor. The strange visions he received that only made sense if they were Lorkhan’s memories, not to mention his heart--

Nerevar curled up, hands moving up as he felt a pain in his chest, clutching his shirt tightly. 

He was scared. He was scared and he didn’t know what was going on. He was terrified because ultimately, he didn’t know what this meant. He didn’t know what this made him.

Gingerly, two arms wrapped around him, pulling him up from the fetal position he curled himself into and into a warm embrace.

“Shh, it’s alright,” Lorkhan whispered, “Just let it out.” As soon as he said that, tears were flowing out of Nerevar’s eyes as he openly sobbing into his shoulder, holding onto him. Nerevar never really had a father--as the Nerevarine he was an orphan who didn’t really know who his parents were and as Nerevar his father was hunted down before the two of them ever met. But at that moment Nerevar couldn’t deny there was something paternal in the way Lorkhan held him gently, letting him cry and sob with arms that felt so much stronger than Nerevar could imagine. As alien as it was, he felt safe in his arms, the pain in his chest fading though he was still distraught and crying. 

Eventually though, his tears died down to soft whimpers rather than open sobs, Lorkhan stroking his hair all the while. 

“It’s alright.” He repeated, trying to reassure Nerevar.

“It’s not alright.” Nerevar countered. “If I’m just you that means I don’t really exist!” It was the truth; if he was just some shard of Lorkhan then he had no real identity of his own. He was just a piece of a larger whole, delusional in that it thought itself independent and separate. “No one really knows me. No one really loves me.” The person Voryn loved wasn’t even real, just a false identity of someone who denied who they truly were. Was the person Voryn actually loved just the pieces of Lorkhan that made up Nerevar? Lorkhan said there were other mortals like him--what if Voryn left him for someone who was a larger, better part of Lorkhan? “I’m just a part of you, an extension of you. I don’t have any thoughts or feelings of my own!”

“Hey now, that’s not true.” Lorkhan interjected. “If you had no thoughts or feelings of your own, how could you deny being me?” 

“But--”

“You have thoughts and feelings and emotions of your own.” Lorkhan reiterated. “You have your own identity, your own history, your own relationships.” Lorkhan gently dried the tears on his cheeks, careful of the sharp nails on his hands. “You don’t have all the same traits as me, and likewise, how you act on things is entirely up to you.” 

“But then how am I you?” Nerevar asked, apprehensive. 

“Hm… How to explain this…” Lorkhan began, humming softly, trying to gather his thoughts. “... Do you know that sometimes people take cuttings from plants to make a new one?”

Nerevar did know that, though he’d never done so himself. He was bad at growing plants, but he’d heard of it a few times. 

“When they take a cutting from a tree for instance, it was once a part of that tree.” Lorkhan continued. “One of the many, smaller branches of it. But with care and cultivation, it grows roots of its own, and then spreads itself deep into the soil as a little sapling, before finally growing into a tree itself.” Lorkhan then smiled at him. “You’re like a cutting made from me that grew into its own tree. We might be made up of the same things and bear the same fruit, but you might have different branches than me and grow in different ways.” 

“... But what if someone only loves that tree because of its fruit?” Nerevar asked. 

What if Voryn only loved him for the parts of him that were Lorkhan? What if, when Voryn found out, he became disillusioned? Why would he bother with having Nerevar as a lover if he was just a part of a larger whole? What if there was a better piece of Lorkhan out there to love, or he could simply worship the dead god in earnest to get closer to the source?

Lorkhan responded by pinching his cheek playfully, pulling Nerevar from his mental spiral.

“Then someone doesn’t really love that tree specifically, now do they?” 

“But--”

“Trees are much more than the fruit they bear.” Lorkhan continued, cutting him off. “They provide shade in the sun, and shelter in the rain. They are homes for birds, and the wind whistles through the branches to make music, or even children play in the branches and leaves.” Lorkhan was still smiling at him warmly. “Even if they love the fruit it makes too, not just any fruit tree can be their tree. And if they only love the fruit, wouldn’t you prefer someone who really loved the tree to take care of it rather than someone who only cared about what the tree produced?” 

Ah, Nerevar saw what he was getting at here. If Voryn only loved the parts of him that were Lorkhan and didn’t care about him otherwise, that meant he didn’t really love Nerevar. Nerevar’s hand reached over to caress the scar on his left shoulder gently, unable to really feel it through his shirt and armor, but comforted by the knowledge it was there nonetheless. 

Would Voryn have really asked Nerevar to carve his name into him if he didn’t love Nerevar? Perhaps the rest of Lorkhan didn’t appeal to Voryn. Perhaps the other traits other mortals shared with Lorkhan weren’t the same as how Nerevar was. Nerevar wanted to trust Voryn with his heart and make this work--he shouldn’t be assuming once again that Voryn would be quick to leave him and replace him with someone else. Voryn committed to Nerevar.

“There we go.” Lorkhan smiled, seeing his stormy expression fade. 

“... But I don’t know what any of this means.” Nerevar continued. “Why am I a part of you? What does any of this mean?” How was he supposed to move forward like this? How many other daedra would challenge him calling him Lorkhan? “How can I tell what’s my thoughts and abilities and what’s just yours? How can I tell if I’m even real?” 

That was the part Nerevar was still grappling with. If he was called Lorkhan and acted like Lorkhan and did what Lorkhan was supposed to do… Didn’t that just make him Lorkhan? When he was the Nerevarine he slowly just assumed Nerevar’s memories, thoughts, and identity after he was sent back in time--or was going back in time not real either. “The future--what about my memories of the future? Are those fake too or--”

Lorkhan smiled softly, almost knowingly. 

“Oh little star,” Lorkhan chuckled as though he was recounting something funny. “None of your memories of the future are real.”

“... Huh?” They weren’t… Real? “But Dagoth Ur--the Tribunal--” Didn’t Vivec have a vision of Nerevar being killed as king? That was in the future Nerevar saw as well.

“None of it was real.” Lorkhan was still smiling, but Nerevar was sent spiraling again. 

It was all so real. Nerevar could feel it. He felt Vivec’s spear ramming through him. He could hear the hurt and betrayal in Dagoth Ur’s voice, along with the cold anger as he revealed he would never be able to trust Nerevar even if Nerevar had agreed to join him. Almalexia had attempted to kill him a second time as the Nerevarine, and he remembered fighting her after discovering Sotha Sil’s mangled corpse. 

Panic set in then. If none of that was real then… Why did he not remember his past? Why had he dreamed up such a strange turn of events? Why--

“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Lorkhan leaned in close, a devilish smirk on his face now. “I’m not real either.”

Nerevar blinked in shock, only to find Lorkhan was gone. In fact, everything was gone now, leaving Nerevar floating in an inky, black void. 

Nerevar’s panic rose at that. It could have been Lorkhan just telling him he was a figment of Nerevar’s imagination and not actually the ghost of a dead god but… Nerevar knew that wasn’t the case. He could feel it, deep in the pit of his stomach, and the revelation was not a comforting one. He was left entirely untethered in this void, and looking down at his hands, he saw himself flickering in and out. 

If Nerevar was Lorkhan, and Lorkhan didn’t exist, then that meant that he didn’t exist either. Really didn’t exist. It was so much more comfortable to imagine himself as a shard of Lorkhan, living and moving on its own, ignorant to the fact it was part of a larger whole. 

A clawed hand touched his back and a sickening chill overtook him as he found himself in the heart chamber of Red Mountain once again. He was trembling as he continued to flicker in and out of existence. The heart’s rhythm was equally unsteady, stopping and starting at random, the sounds a disjointed mess. 

If the heart of the world was not stable--was not real--then what did that make the world?

What did that make his friends? The people he loved? 

What did that make Voryn?

A familiar voice called out to him, large, clawed hands gripping him tightly and pulling him in close.

“I told you once before,” Dagoth Ur began, “We are bound to the dreamsleeve together.” Nerevar knew that wasn’t right, but he didn’t know how to counter it either. 

“I am the dreamer,” Dagoth Ur continued, “And this is all my dream, my sweet Nerevar.” Nerevar didn’t like the fondness in his tone. This was a twisted version of Voryn, corrupted and maddened, fully delusional. He preferred Voryn sane and warm, affectionate and protective. He didn’t want the delirious, maddened version of him that was Dagoth Ur.

Then, the two had changed locations. Instead of the heart chamber with the unsteady heartbeat echoing around them, they were in what seemed to be a rainbow colored river, all the different colors flowing in strange, glowing patterns. They moved up and down, left and right, forwards and backwards, swirls of color that flowed like incoherent water simultaneously both much thicker and almost syrupy than pure water, and also like it was barely there as they caressed his legs. Each movement came with a strange, fragmented thought, emotion, or memory. 

“You are simply a part of my dream.” Dagoth Ur’s hands moved to the front of him now, caressing at his chest. “My most glorious, beautiful creation…” 

Nerevar knew that wasn’t true either though. It was an instinctive knowledge, perhaps, but he could tell that was simply not the case. If there was a dreamer, it certainly wasn’t Dagoth Ur. 

And then Nerevar looked to his hands to see he was a dunmer again, grey skin and all to match the equally grey hands on his chest. One of Nerevar’s hands moved to caress the scar left from corprus he got as a Nerevarine when he was forcibly attacked to infect him with it, sending him further in his quest, ironically. The scar was an ugly, messy thing--a gross mess of scar tissue trying in vain to form over an injury that wasn’t truly there, growing more mangled and grotesque by the day. Before he couldn’t remember where the attack was from Gares, as his memories of the Third Era faded more and more with his time in Resdayn like a hazy dream, leaving him unsure if it was on his chest, his stomach, his thigh, or his arm. But now he remembered it was--

All of them. He had been hit by the attack in all of those places, in different moments in time, in different versions of the same event. And in that way, it wasn’t one moment specifically but simply an event that could have played out differently, in a way bending and contorting around the flow of fate. And just as he realized it, the scar itself faded entirely. 

“Nerevar, stop this.” Dagoth Ur warned, his voice concerned. Almost frightened if Nerevar was being honest, though he knew the other wouldn’t admit to it. 

“It… Didn’t happen.” 

“Yes, it did.” Dagoth ur stressed, but Nerevar stepped away from his hands, walking along the multicolored river. “Do you doubt your own memories? My own memories?” Dagoth Ur insisted. “Just as that was my dream, this too is my dream. A dream where we get to be together.” His voice took on a facsimile of warmth and affection. “A dream where nothing can keep us apart--”

“No,” Nerevar countered, his voice soft. “It happened and… It didn’t. Just how this… None of this is real either.” The thought wasn’t as scary as it was the first time around. In fact, the revelation seemed to almost bring some relief. He dipped his hand into the liquid that pooled around his thighs, running his fingers through it in what seemed to be an arbitrary pattern, relishing in the feelings that washed over him. Like this, he could make them seem coherent. Like this he could move them until he could faintly hear a song--

“Nerevar Mora, return to my side at once.” Dagoth Ur’s tone was threatening again. It seemed that Nerevar had gotten under his skin. 

“You are not a god. I’m not a figment of your dream…” Nerevar could insist if anything he might be the one dreaming all of this up but… He knew that wasn’t quite right either. Lorkhan didn’t exist. Nerevar didn’t exist, so he couldn’t be the one dreaming. But he knew he wasn’t a figment of Dagoth Ur’s imagination, that was for certain. “... And you’re not a figment of mine.”

Dagoth Ur was in front of him again, clawed hands gripping his arms tightly while his teeth audibly grit from behind the gold mask. “If I am not the dreamer then you’re saying I don’t exist! Do you even understand what you’re saying?!” His hands gripped Nerevar’s arms even tighter, but Nerevar himself was unphased. “I exist because I say I exist. You exist because I allow you to exist.”

“Or have you forgotten your nightmares? The memories of me?” Dagoth ur changed gears now that he saw it wasn’t persuading Nerevar. “Have you forgotten the way you shuddered at my touch? Or the way I could make such sweet, passionate love to you that you forgot everything else?” Nerevar had to admit he did in fact enjoy those moments with Voryn; Nerevar loved nothing more than losing himself completely in Voryn’s body, of being unable to think about nothing else but how wonderful Voryn could make him feel. But Nerevar knew he couldn’t forget this whole mess even happened and fall readily back into Voryn’s arms, trying to delude himself that it was real. He knew he’d go mad even trying, unable to take joy from it as he tried to deny the reality he was confronted with before. 

“Do not make me rip you asunder and remake you.” Dagoth Ur threatened, venom dripping off his tongue. But at the threat, Nerevar reached his hands out, cupping the golden mask in them, before throwing the mask off entirely. 

His face looked like Voryn’s but so much older and more tired. His eyes were dead, glazed over and foggy, with only the third eye on his forehead seemingly capable of sight. His complexion was equally dead--ashen even for a dunmer. A dead sleeper who dreamed he was still alive, just as that wise woman said so long ago. 

Nerevar leaned up, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to his lips. He didn’t like this maddened version of Voryn, but he knew he still loved him. He loved Dagoth Ur and mourned for him. As horrible as it was, it was a mercy for Nerevar to slay him as the Nerevarine. It was a mercy for things to return to the past so they could have a better future, one where Nerevar wouldn’t hurt him as cruelly as he did the first time around. 

Then, just as the gentle kiss started, Nerevar pulled away, whispering softly. The words tumbled out of his mouth before he even realized it, but the truth spoken in them was more real than anything else he had seen. 

“I already unmade you.” 

Dagoth Ur stared down at him in shock, before, like ash in the wind, he faded. And Nerevar was left standing alone in the dreamsleeve. 

Yet, something was gnawing at his psyche. If Dagoth Ur was not the dreamer and didn’t allow him to exist, then what was his purpose? If this was all a dream, then who was dreaming? 

Dread washed over Nerevar again, overwhelming him as he felt like someone or something was watching him. Like he was a tiny insect crawling where he shouldn’t have, about to be crushed by the figure that finally realized he existed. 

Yet, part of Dagoth Ur’s words made sense. He wasn’t real. None of this was real. Nerevar could either stand there and accept it and fade into the liquid around him and dissolve into nothingness…

Or he could insist he did exist. That he wanted to exist. That he wanted to continue on, in spite of how nonsensical it was. 

“... I exist because I will it.” Nerevar knew he wasn’t the dreamer, but he existed in spite of it. He refused to vanish and become nothing more than a disjointed collective of memories free floating around him. 

“Well done.” Lorkhan’s voice echoed, and Nerevar found himself once more in the black, inky void, outside of the dreamsleeve. “I was a bit afraid you might not be able to handle it,” He chuckled softly, “But I can see it was silly of me to worry. You already remade the world, you’d be ready to handle the revelation of the tower.” 

“Was that… You?” Nerevar questioned, wondering if Lorkhan took on the appearance of Dagoth Ur just to help him along. 

“No. What was in fact a remnant of Dagoth Ur, based on your memories.”

“My memories?” Nerevar raised a brow, as the crumbling tower and soft grass slowly came back into focus around him, real and present once more. It was more comfortable than just free floating anyways. 

“Things can’t exist if nothing remembers them.” Lorkhan explained. “But you remembered him, so he continued hiding and lurking…”

“Would he…” Nerevar began, apprehensively. “Would Voryn have become him again…?”

“No.” Lorkhan’s voice was firm and confident, making Nerevar relieved. “Your beloved has already rejected that path.”

“Then how could he exist?”

“He existed outside of Voryn. A part of him and also not. Perhaps in a way also part of you?” It was a confusing explanation, but Nerevar supposed that was in line with everything else so far. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t exist anymore--not as he did just now.” Lorkhan hummed softly again. “Now he’s merely a memory, returned to water once more.” 

“I… Don’t understand.” Once again, Lorkhan reached over to pinch Nerevar’s cheek.

“Yes you do, don’t lie to me about that.” 

“I mean I get that he’s no longer a problem since I just saw him vanish but I don’t… Know how I did that.” 

“He was mostly tied to you. It would have been very easy for anyone in those circumstances to cut him off.” Lorkhan clicked his tongue. “Then again, I suppose not everyone can be connected to the dreamsleeve and confront not existing as well as you did.”

“So I don’t exist?” It was a question, but not asking for an answer more so a confirmation that he was understanding it correctly. 

“You don’t. And yet, you do.” Lorkhan confirmed, before elaborating. “All of us exist in that state. But I made Nirn in the first place because I realized it was impossible to move beyond that revelation and actually do something about it without real growth--growth that can only come from trial.”

“... What?” Now he was losing Nerevar. Go beyond the revelation of not existing? How would you even move past something like that? 

“Dagoth Ur had a few things correct I’ll admit.” Lorkhan continued, almost rambling now given how little it made sense to Nerevar. “The trial of flesh is needed to overcome the dream…”

“Again, I don’t really understand.” Nerevar interjected, before Lorkhan sighed.

“Ah… Right. I’m getting ahead of myself.” He then reached over, pulling Nerevar into a hug once more. “We don’t have all day, unfortunately. Linear time still exists.” He gave Nerevar’s back a firm pat. “I would explain if I could but… Well, we’d be here for some time. I think your beloved is calling you.” A ringing was in Nerevar’s ears now, the rest of the dream getting fuzzier and fuzzier. 

“Voryn…?” Nerevar asked, before his eyes cracked open. 

He wasn’t in the grass, but laying on Voryn’s cot, blinking up in a confused daze. It was night, that he could tell from how dark it was in the tent. Beside him, he heard a gasp, as Voryn looked to him frantically. 

“Oh thank gods,” Voryn looked close to tears. “Nerevar, do you have any idea how worried I was?” He cupped Nerevar’s cheek, his hand warm and familiar. It felt like Nerevar had been away for ages and also hardly any time at all. “I thought I almost lost you again…”

“I’m alright,” Nerevar sat up slowly, but his arms felt weak. “How long was I out for…?”

“More than a day.” Voryn explained, before helping support Nerevar’s upper body, settling Nerevar to lean against him. “Nothing we did could wake you up. We wanted to raze that damn orc camp to the ground,” He could hear the anger in Voryn’s voice. “But Malacath said his people would assist us and that you would wake up in time.” 

Nerevar could tell Voryn hadn’t believed the prince--not after what seemed like an attack on Nerevar. 

“I’m fine now.” Nerevar insisted, stroking Voryn’s face. “I’m--”

“Is he awake?” Vivec asked from outside the tent, and Voryn stiffened under Nerevar’s weight.

“He just woke up--” Voryn began, “Give him a few minutes to regain his senses before you shake him down for answers.”

Vivec entered the tent now, his brow furrowed. “You swore I could ask my questions when he awoke.” 

“At least give him until the morning.” Voryn pleaded. Vivec looked between the two of them, and it seemed that Nerevar looked haggard enough for Vivec to relent, though he was unhappy about doing so. 

“Fine,” Vivec scowled, leaving the tent once more. “In the morning I want answers.”

[wildemaven]

fic author self rec

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

tagged by the lovely @flightlessangelwings

-> i wanna remember | frankie morales x f!reader

this was the was the first fic I ever wrote and shared. took me close to a year to actually post it and i was so terrified when I finally did. while it’s not my favorite thing ever, i am still proud of the process of writing it. (there’s still plans to eventually rework it in some areas at some point)

-> sleepless nights | javier peña x f!reader

this was my first attempt at smut. i remember stressing so much over it because smut is intimidating to write, especially when so many do it so effortlessly. it was very much a ripping the bandage off thing. and while i still don’t feel very confident in writing smut, this definitely made it feel a little less scary in a way.

-> sweet creature | dieter bravo x f!reader

my baby!! the way this totally random idea turned into something way bigger than i expected. i’m super proud of this little world of dieter and poppy (and wren lol) i think about them often and forever grateful for them.

-> supply & demand | benny miller x f!reader

my first non-pedro character. it was super fun to explore benny. i love all his little quirks and feel like we didn’t get enough of them in the movie.

-> your plans & slow hands | frankie morales x f!reader

i don’t even know why but i do like this one. it was my first frankie smut too, so maybe that’s why lol i mean, have you seen his hands 🫠🫠 but i tried to push myself outside of my comfort zone and explore some new things with this one too.

NPTs @kteague @gnpwdrnwhiskey @trulybetty @undercoverpena @psychedelic-ink

[captainnait]

(Decided to reuploded this post because literally no one saw it. . . Oh well. Might as well tag @whocaresifwearecrazy since they could be interested in this idk)

Something that literally no one asked for - a TTwM compilation!!

I enjoyed gathering all the questions for this one. I'm not sure if I found *all* of them, but. . . Yeah. Some clips (4 out of 13) aren't mine, so I left the source in the description.

Also I wrote a little analysis/commentary thingy for all of these, which you can read down below. It's mostly just me rambling about Bob and Milan and how stupid these two are, so don't take it too seriously. I just— I just need to get this off my chest, okay 😭 also sorry for the broken english in some of these. I was half-awake when writing lol

Anyway, would really appreciate if you watch this compilation. I might do some others in the future idk. Enjoy 💖💥

As for commentary, here it is ✨

"Ode to a Garbage Can": I put this one first in the compilation, because (imo) it shows Bob's and Milan's overall dynamic perfectly - Bob tries to be as positive and supportive of Milan as he can (although with a mild success), while Milan. . . Well, he's just being himself - extremely forward and harsh, but, in the end, not minding Bob's attitude, and even engaging in a playful back-and-forth with him. It's simple, it's nice and it's going to be a repeating pattern.

. . . Aaand it's probably the most analytical I'm going to get here. Probably.

Anyway, can't say much else about this one. They're silly

"A Crappy Question": Bob here sounds so genuinely guilty 😭. And the fact that he immediately tries to make up by helping Milan with his classes— it's pretty wholesome. . . Milan slapping the living shit out of him in the end isn't tho lol

"Get Your Finger Out of Your Nose": Milan calling out Bob on literally anything is also the main point of a lot of these. And, tbh, if I worked as a janitor somewhere, where mfs like any of ydkj hosts work, I wouldn't be so happy either bruh

Anyhow, the gross out humor in the end is nothing unusual for this game. But damn, the way Milan said "chucklehead" at the end. . . He loves that idiot I'm sorry 💥💥💥

"Urinal Chips and Dip": Bob being an idiot and getting what he deserves will NEVER not be funny to me

"Wait a minute, is this a trick question? 😠" "For you? Yes 🙄" I can't with them—

Also Milan helping Bob out a bit at the end was surprisingly nice. . . And uncommon too

"Swapping Spit": Milan calling Bob "host boy" at the start caught me off guard completely when I first heard it. And yet, somehow, he gets even more wild with the nicknames later on in the other questions lol

"Moron? Hey! >:[" Bob sounds so hurt here 😭 i like to imagine that before that he wasn't catching any insults from Milan at all up until this point. He's clueless like that

"Ugh, Milan! Why do you say things like that?" "To make you blush" Okay that's just straight up flirting—

Also Bob doesn't sound so opposed to that huh. . . Interesting. I wonder when this is going to come up again—

"Things Nobody Wants To Lick": OKAY FUCK I'M SORRY THIS ONE IS JUST INSANE. MILAN JUST CASUALLY RIPS HIS SHIRT AND SAY TO "LICK UNDERNEATH HIS SWEATY ARMPIT"? AND NOT ONLY BOB IS IMPRESSED WITH MILAN'S BODY (as he says himself), HE ALSO ISN'T OPPOSED TO HIS REQUEST IN THE END (even though it wasn't even addressed to him btw)? AND EVEN ADVICES TO SAY "THANK YOU!" AFTER THE PROCESS?? HELLO?? WHY SO 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂? WHY NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT—

Ahem. Anyway, "Bob-friend" is such a great nickname, 10/10, amazing job, Milan.

Bob's "MILAN! WHAT? 😨😳" is literally my favorite thing ever

"Please? Look, begging is not gonna help, my friend" yup, I figured

(I'm not even going to comment on the last few lines lol this is already too much)

"Seven Minutes in the Broom Closet": And just when you think it can't get gayer than the last one. . . This title. What the fuck are they doing in the closet—

Bob mistaking alliteration with liter is just so him

"Haha, you said pee :D" this man literally has a mind/humor of a toddler

And yeah, Milan leaving Bob confused with his words/sayings is. Everything

"I'm Not Your Chew Toy": I'm pretty sure this is the shortest question in this category in terms of dialogue

I love that this one highlights just how patient can Bob be with Milan's rather snappy attitude (which, to be fair, is pretty reasonable for him to have)

"Gift Ideas from the Bathroom": This one. This is my favorite question in the whole game probably. . .

Milan calling Bob "Robert" (which continues running joke of Milan calling Bob different nicknames). Milan sharing his collection with Bob, who seems to be not only interested in it, but also wants to implement it in the question. Bob being a clumsy ass moron and dropping the jar, with Milan following with his (almost) catchphrase "I'm not cleaning that". Milan sharing his culture with Bob and feeding him a homemade soup, with Bob being absolutely joyful and excited to learn new things from his favorite person (while also being taken care of by said person). Milan's little "jerk" at the end, that sounds just a bit too soft to sound like an actual insult, and more like an affectionate pet name. I love this. This is amazing. If this isn't not one of the most wholesome moments in ydkj series, idk what is tbh

"Little Red Outhouse": "Hey Milan, how you doing? Good to see ya 😁" "It's a pleasure for you to see me 😇" "Yeah, i— Uh what? 🤨" This is one of my favorite exchanges between them. Milan has such a way with words sometimes idk. . .

Not much to say about this one, except the fact, that Milan washes Bob's microphone in the toilet bowl, becomes much more disgusting when you know, that in one of the questions Bob smooches his microphone. You're welcome 😇

"It Happens to the Best of Us": Crying Milan is the last thing I expected from this game, but here we are ig. As much as I feel sad for him, I can't deny that his crying voice is incredibly stupid (/pos)

"It was a horribly sad incident which took place today" I like how even when he's distraught he still tries to flex his english skills. What a king

The way Bob instantly goes "yes sir" right after Milan tells him to shut up is just. . . 😭 no comments

"Don't Forget to Wipe": Ah yes, the one where Milan blackmails Bob. Anyway

"Hm, would you like to know" THE WAY HE SOUNDS HERE I— 💥💥

Also the way Milan interrogates Bob here is just so funny to me. He's like an annoyed and slightly disappointed owner that find out his dog made a mess in the living room again. . . Weird comparison, but oh well (I've been writing this commentary for way to long)

"There's a Swosh™ on My Tush": I love this one. Mf just plays basketball in the middle of his work day and that's it. No disgusting twist, just basketball

. . . Well, except the last few seconds, where Bob straight up drools on Milan's shoes. . . Like a dog—

Okay, nah, that's it, that enough of these guys for me today istg

[heybaetae]

gifmaker / cc wrapped 2023!

thanks for tagging me my angel @jkvjimin 💜

i tried really hard not to choose all comp sets, but those take the most effort and therefore are what i'm prouder of than a standard set, but regardless...

here are my top 10 fave creations of the year:

bts chapter 1 insta feed // this was an insanely taxing project and is probably the most work i've ever put into anything, but i was really inspired to do it. it took about a week (one day for each panel) and was repetitive, i literally threw out my back by day 3 from sitting working on it that my body was in SO MUCH PAIN, but i wanted to get everything right and make it make sense which is why i wrote up a detail post breaking it down and explaining every decision that went into this. i still intend to make this a series and do one dedicated to their japanese discography (i actually started on one before i published this but didn't like the concept) and for their solo work, but it doesn't feel like the right time yet as things continue to release. but i look forward to it!

cheesy bts valentine cards // this was purposely corny, but the response was unbelievable! i had fun working on it and was so happy it made people laugh and smile. the tags were a joy to read on this post and it's my fourth most popular gifset ever. thank you!

bts guide to troubled birds // yet another corny idea, but i get a kick out of making silly comps and was inspired to make this. i started with jimin's as an experiment because his poem was the easiest to choose and built the rest of it from there, carefully deciding which poem to apply to each member and recreating them from scratch. i love celebrating their chaos in fun ways, so this was nice!

jungkook's sensitive tear ducts // sometimes i get really random comp ideas and spontaneously start making something with no plan. this was one of those times and it is now my third most popular gifset since making this blog in 2020 lol. ofc i'd never gif him upset about anything serious, so i only chose moments that didn't feel inappropriate to include to keep this set lighthearted and humorous.

long live bts (10th anniversary set) // i always knew i wanted to make something with the lyrics of that song because every word of it reminds me of their story. the 10th anniversary was perfect since it literally says "it was the end of a decade". i wanted the set to just be really simple so i went with a more desaturated look and focused more on choosing a scene from each year that fit the lyric per that gif.

love me again mv // this was my first time bothering to gif a music video in 4k. i usually avoid it bc it slows my computer down and takes a lot longer (i also have to reconvert the youtube download to a different file type to get it to play in my kmplayer, it's a whole process) but i waited a few days after it came out because i originially didn't think i could color it when it premiered so i just didn't gif it. but i gave it a try anyway when i didn't feel so pressured and i really like how crisp they came out.

jungkook's bday set // i didn't have a plan for this when i started, but i searched a lot for inspo and finally found something i felt like i could make something with so i came up with this very barbie-esque rendition for jungkook that i'm still very fond of. i purposely didn't write happy birthday on it anywhere so it could be shared year-round. it's probably my fave set i made all year and everyone seemed to like it too!

jimin's bday set // this was originally just going to include songs from FACE, but i decided it didn't celebrate jimin's work as a whole if i didn't include all his solo songs/endeavors so it turned into a big monster. i like how it came out though!

standing next to you mv // this year i was introduced to HD master files, so instead of rushing to download a new mv from youtube and giffing it fast, i'd wait for a higher quality rip from apple music to show up online. the difference is quite astounding. i made gifs with master files for all three of jk's music videos this year (seven, 3D), but i like how this one turned out the best.

vmin comp // just felt like giffing my two favorite people before they left and needed to channel my sad emotions into something before seeing them seperate for so long. i included moments i've giffed before and ones i've never had the chance to gif. i could have made this post so much longer but forced myself to stop lol. i like the pink and blue colors in it a lot <3 i miss them so much

thank for all your support on my work this year! i have lots of (old) new stuff in my drafts to share in the new year so please keep your love coming x

i'm going to tag @userjiminie @userjungkook97 @btsiu and @cordiallyfuturedwight to do this if they'd like to!

[swearphil]

2023 writing gif-making round up

Rules (adapted for fic, gifs, art, etc.): Share what you made this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you made or just the projects you're most excited about. tagged by @reasonandfaithinharmony! thank you, friend!

buckle up, friends, because I somehow posted 98 gif sets this year and it's probably going to be 100 sets by the end of the year tbh. that number sounds so ridiculous. it's all your faults because part of the reason why I made so much was because I felt so encouraged and loved by the people I've gotten to know and know better this year, so thank you.

I started trying to put all the sets in a post and that just got overwhelming for me to look at so we're doing my top favorites with some fun statistics at the end. I think it'll come as no surprise that I mostly made rwrb and heartstopper sets this year, so I decided to do my top 5 rwrb sets, top 5 heartstopper sets, and top 10 miscellaneous sets.

top 5 rwrb sets

page to screen ripped pages: this is the first set I made after the movie was released. I worked on it for hours and really enjoy how it turned out. the text placement was what took the longest. I knew what words from each passage I wanted to highlight so it took some rearranging to make sure those were visible.

acd x all american bitch: the idea for this came about when casey posted an instagram story of GUTS and songs that correspond with their characters. I love me some bi coloring, so using that for this set was really fun!

firstprince x wildest dreams: I don't know what it is about this set that makes me love it so much. I think it's the shade of pink and then the light orange from the text.

henry "that is him, part and parcel": I adore henry and bea and that's all I have to say about this set.

firstprince x exile: I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the tags for this one and I am not sorry at all for the pain I have caused. I got the idea for this set after sending @kiwiana-writes the fake fic title "I gave so many signs" and they wrote a heartwrenching summary. I immediately wanted to do something with it!

top 5 heartstopper sets

moments of healing: day two of heartstoppercentral's pride celebration for this year. putting this together made me really emotional. I'm so grateful for alice and these moments of communication we get on the show.

imogen x ballad of a homeschooled girl: yes, I did intentionally use colors on the lesbian flag for this set. it was actually going to be purple at first to match the GUTS album but I didn't like how it looked. I tried pink, liked it, wondered what color worked with pink, and thus the color palette was born!

narlie x brighter than sunshine: day 3 of heartstoppercentral's pride celebration. as schitt's creek fans know (and as a couple people pointed out in the tags), this is the song that plays at the end of "Meet the Parents." I think I knew right away I was going to use this song for this day of the event.

narlie x fearless (taylor's version): I still can't believe I made this set. it's something just last year I would have deemed too complicated. I'm proud of myself for this one.

charlie standing up to ben: this set idea was suggested by @swiftlythebest. idk if this was intentional on alice's part, but I really enjoy how charlie says similar sentiments in both episodes. like "leave me alone" -> "I don't want to see you ever again."

top 10 miscellaneous sets

alexis rose + "destined to be on fire": I can't believe how much I've grown as a gif maker over the past three years and this set shows that growth. I also adore alexis and her journey.

david/patrick open mic: I made this set once I got back home from seeing noah in concert. I was truly close to tears during the concert when I realized I was watching him perform a song from a show I have loved for three years.

david/patrick relationship dynamic: @reasonandfaithinharmony @roseapothecary and @rmd-writes are to thank for this set coming into existence. the fact that I had so many scenes to choose from shows that this truly is david and patrick's dynamic.

schitt's creek + barbie posters: I knew right away what kind of barbie david and alexis were going to be.

GUTS + favorite lyrics: god I really love this set. the typography? the coloring? I really outdid myself.

the good witch + ages: another set I just absolutely adore. I love the shades of pink I used. also, maisie, thank you for including consecutive years in the album because it really would have bugged me if they weren't lol

danandphilgames + fuck land: my url becomes relevant again! if you told me at the start of this year that the gaming channel would be back, I would not have believed you.

calliette x love affair: I really love the overlays for this one. it just ended up working well on its own with little manipulation from me. the song is from the end of the last episode. it worked great for the antagonists event!

ellie x you're on your own, kid: I had this idea for a few weeks before I actually got around to making it. I remember being worried and surprised that no one else that I saw did a set with this song.

vampire by olivia rodrigo: the lyric "bloodsucker, fame fucker" really did something to me.

fun statistics: out of the 98 sets I made

39 are rwrb

34 are heartstopper

8 are schitt's creek

6 are music artists

5 are dan and phil

4 are the last of us

1 is tarlos

1 is calliette

32 use taylor lyrics

tagging (no pressure of course!) @roseapothecary @swiftlythebest @rmd-writes @leclercpiastri @mulderscully @victoriaspriing and if anyone else wants to do this, feel free to say I tagged you!

[cedarbranch]

twenty questions for fic writers!

tagged by @sunriseverse thank you!!

tagging: @figbian @shark-myths @stoplightglow @zipegs and anyone else who wants to participate (with no pressure if you don't!) questions below the cut :-)

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

currently 65! i've orphaned several over the years though. unfortunately i am an Extremely Slow Writer so i always wanna see this number go up and it never goes as fast as i want it to :') we can hit 67 this year... surely....

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

847,778! used to be higher (more in the 950k range) prior to orphaning, i'm not sure if i've actually written over a million words or not at this point? v excited for the day that milestone actually shows up in my stats though! my current wips could tip me over, we'll see how it goes... 👀

3. what fandoms do you write for?

currently hannibal and stranger things! i've bounced around many fandoms in my day, but my most significant contributions thus far have been for mcr/bandom and the magnus archives. really hoping i end up writing enough for my current fandoms that i can consider them part of that shortlist too!! :-)

4. top five fics by kudos

like a moth to light (like a beast to bait) / 2117 kudos, save that heart for me / 1480 kudos, how particular, my fondness of you / 1445 kudos, convicted criminals of thought / 1177 kudos, and questionable decisions / 847 kudos! wow, that last one took me by surprise, it was such a jokey little fic i often forget about it. nice to look back at these and see things with over 1k kudos though, i remember that being an unattainable pipe dream back when i was writing mcr in the dead era that was 2017 :')

5. do you respond to comments?

i often do! i try to respond to every comment i get when a fic is published, and i like to respond much later on as well, it just tends to slip my mind if it's an older fic. stuff gets lost in my inbox. i certainly read every comment though, and the comments left on older fics are often the ones that make me happiest!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmm... i mostly write happy endings unless they're character studies. the true angstiest ending i've written is for a fic i haven't posted yet (hint: it's a sequel to a oneshot of mine!) but i do have short fics about both michael and gerry's deaths in tma? i'll go with the gerry death fic, thinking of the sun.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

they're mostly happy!!! but the one that ends most on a note of Joy, i think, would be rosemary and thyme, my fae!martin au :-)

8. do you get hate on fics?

nah. i have an extremely vague memory of getting a comment that made me go "omg my first hate comment" but like it's so vague that i can't tell if it's a false memory or not 😭 people have always been quite nice to me, thankfully!

9. do you write smut?

i do! i tried to avoid it whenever i could when i was younger but these days i've actually become super interested in sex as a vehicle for character studies. that tumblr post that's like "the plot of this smut fic is that character A believes himself abandoned by god" is one HUNDRED percent my approach recently, definitely expect some of that upcoming on my ao3 lolll

10. craziest crossover?

i don't really write crossovers! i like them in comic/fanart form, but i tend to be less interested in crossover fic (unless it's HEU, i do quite like spacedogs)... the only times i've ever thought about creating crossover content myself were for a couple pacrim fusion ideas!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

eh, not really. a long time ago i did have someone basically rip the worldbuilding from one of my AUs with the serial numbers filed off, but they did ask permission - i said yes because i was like 16 and felt too awkward saying no. so that was weird! but not quite stealing.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!! to steal a kiss from borrowed lips was translated into russian, such an honor :D

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have, a really long time ago. i don't think i would do it again (unless it was with, like, one of two specific irls) bc i think i'd struggle with figuring out a collaborative workflow. part of me also thinks it could be a fun exercise though...

14. all time favorite ship?

OUGH..... mannnn what a question. it changes every few years and i feel like my response is influenced by not just the source material, but the quality of the fan content and the fandom interactions i've had... you know what? i know i have current-hyperfixation bias, but for now i am gonna say hannigram. it's just too peak.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Too Many Of Them - but in particular, my chrissy cunningham-centric longfic. it's an entire treatise on sapphic loneliness and small-town queer isolation and i do think it'd be a fucking masterpiece if i ever managed to commit to it, but it's on the forever back-burner i think.

16. what are your writing strengths?

hmm... characterization through dialogue is the main thing, i'd say. i'm always thinking about how to match a given character's speech patterns and i think i tend to capture their voices pretty well!

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i'm my own biggest critic so i could list a bunch, but pacing is a big one. i tend to let things run too long and i feel like i've only just managed to balance it better in my current wip... only took a decade of fic-writing to get there 😭

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

depends a lot on context. honestly too many thoughts to condense well into an answer for this djglfg but in short: usually nice if it's just a few words, but can get unwieldy otherwise

19. first fandom you wrote in?

kuroshitsuji 💀 self-insert and OC-centric fic. how very unlike me

20. favorite fic you've written?

moth to light has been the reigning champ for a while now, but i think several of my current wips could potentially unseat it!

[flowerslut]

i don’t think this is having the effect you wanted because i have never in my life been more curious about a fic than i have for call of the night

i’m laughing so hard. I feel like a parent who is about to talk to their teen about weed or alcohol like "I know I can't stop you from going out and looking for it. but I want you to do it responsibly."

alright. listen. it’s not a bad fic by any means—if I say "it's bad" my wife is gonna materialize and rip me a new asshole—it’s very fun and it’s long as fuck and I got real intricate with the politics and worldbuilding. its an AU that I built from the ground up with some kung fu panda influence if you really squint that has turned into a multi-story series which I’ve had an absolute blast working on. but here’s the thing: I started writing it when I was 16/17. in fact, I wrote the first 50k words of it during the first half of my senior year of high school (hand-written bc this was 2009) so when I found my old fanfic binder in 2017, and when I started rewriting it later that year, I finished it, but I didn’t rewrite that much of it. which is the problem. because the amount of crappy characterization, unnecessary info-dumping (so much telling, not showing), and weird narrative choices is so overwhelming in the first few chapters that it's been unbearable for me to look back on. I recently tried to reread it and was horror-stricken when I realized that I couldn’t do it bro 💀

again: it is not bad. it’s a very cool premise and a super fun and adventurous au. it's a very slow burn. it just has an insanely rough (poorly written imo) start. and since its my most popular twilight fic, and that's what people usually read first, i'm now in hell knowing how many people nope-out after the first few chapters (myself, included recently) thinking "damn. that was rough. next." the writing quality of the middle and end compared to the beginning is leagues better, but its just that first chunk that has me in hell.

but yada yada yeah I can't stop you so, tldr; in call of the night, humans and vampires coexist. the cullens are pseudo-politicians/public figures who help keep the peace. alice has lived her entire life in relative isolation because of her first, terrifying vision: that a man named jasper is going to murder her. so, boy is she in for a treat when she realizes her new coworker who skulks around the library is that Very Dude. and thats where the shit-show really begins. I have a tag ("cotn") with hundreds of posts surrounding the series, but I don't recommend looking at it unless you want to be spoiled for it and its sequel. but if you're going to do it, i'd rather you do it in the house (here you go 😔)

[necronatural]

you might not remember but DVD commentary on the Tangible things series? Any part you've got thoughts abt still. I recall thinking it was good characterised NSFW writing (rare) and in the early days before the ORV tag took off on AO3 (cursed)

Oof, a while ago

I wrote it before the Demon King of Salvation reveal, I think around the time he was roadtripping with Han Sooyoung while Yu Junghyeok was being tortured about how Kim Dokja has ~changed~ him and made him want to save others which was so overwrought it was a true inspiration. dude is blasting Dirty Car while his bias is falling in love with him offscreen

The biggest inspirations in the novel for it were I think 1) how invested Kim Dokja was in Yu Junghyeok's personal life when confronting him in the theater 2) Kim Dokja shipping Yu Junghyeok and 3) Yu Junghyeok responding to Kim Dokja having similar motivations to himself with frankly comedic and uncalled-for coldness that made him sound like a jilted lover. idk how that reads in the webtoon but god that shit was so funny. King of projection

Heart in Your Throat was just expanding on all the ideas that didn't fit in Great Escapes, just naturally expanding on concepts introduced. I was also really curious about writing porn and this was my first attempt really dabbling in it.

Heavy Silence I want to write SEX. Also influenced by the roadtrip, I really liked the idea of Scenario Casefic. All of this was me working myself up to write sex. I spent the entire fic absolutely mortified. I couldn't edit it until like 2 months later. LOL. It was complimented a lot for its accuracy, and they're right, because I studied for my First Sex with a...I think Livejournal? God who knows. A personal account from a gay man on what he knows about sex. Stuff like how anal is not something that feels good right away, the common duration of a coupling and the effects of ejaculation, stuff like that. I tried hunting that post down a few months ago but couldn't find it so RIP.... Writing this one was a real shock to my system but I ended up figuring out a lot of stuff I enjoy like enthusiastic consent, consent testing, pure pleasure, banter, loss of emotional regulation, etc. Laying the foundations for my deranged horny dante fic truly

I don't think the characterization isn't like, amazing? But I've absolutely never been the type to just ship characters based on romantic archetypes. Without the kneejerk "omg these guys fit my ideal dynamic" or "omg this is my fav character type" instinct, it is actually quite simple to think back on character traits and why they have them and try to extrapolate on those for the new situation.

...Which is something that the ORV fic just doesn't really gel with. Kim Dokja can't be fully 100% confident in his completely wrong opinion [based on insufficient contradictions to his 15-year special interest] and desperately avoidant of interpersonal connections, he has to be stupid oblivious about everything to a degree seen only in Shen Qingqiu. Yu Junghyeok can't be a doom-spiraling overly independent pessimistic buzzkill, he has to be a surly bad boy. Because yaoi boys on Lezhin comics act that way. lol

[captain-hen]

20 Questions for fic Writers!

i was tagged by @lover-of-mine of mine, thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

131,694

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i currently write only for 911, but i've also written fic for once upon a time!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the feeling you can know so much (without knowing anything at all) — a 5x09 coda where eddie calls buck out on what he's doing with taylor 'cause you were never mine — a 5x14 coda where the instructor at the equestrian centre assumes that buck is chris' other dad dancing in a snow globe 'round and 'round — my very first 911 fic! it's just pure fluff where buck and eddie get together while buck is babysitting jee (who has a different name in the fic since it was written before 4B, rip) hustling for the good life (never thought i'd meet you here) — different first meeting AU where buck and eddie meet at adriana's wedding, pre-canon how long (till we call this love?) — post s6 finale, where buck and eddie fight over natalia and marisol; have a ton of misunderstandings, but eventually get together

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i haven't always been the greatest at responding, but i've been doing my best on all my latest fics, because people are just so kind and i always feel like they deserve a response :)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hm, i haven't really written fics that end unhappily...but humari adhuri kahani (our incomplete story), where buck and eddie don't end up together

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hm, maybe hustling for the good life (never thought i meet you here) because buck and eddie get together a lot sooner and they actually communicate in this fic xD

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i vaguely remember once getting a nasty comment on an ouat fic, but that was the only one.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i don't, usually...in my recent fic, but i can see all along, love (it was you all the way down), i wrote a very brief description of a sex scene, but i've never written more than that.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i've never written one

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

twice! one of them wasn't on ao3, but the other, humari adhuri kahani (our incomplete story) i co-wrote with @bieddiediaz and @queerdiaz!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

probably buddie xD but captain swan (ouat) comes pretty close!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

my buddie flower shop AU that i started a couple of months back, but never had the motivation to write lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i have a strong grasp on characterization, which is something that people have often told me, and which is probably the most important thing to me while writing fic

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i'm...not Great at writing long fics xD most of my fics are less than 5k, and i have only a handful that have gone beyond 10k. i'm still struggling with the commitment and skill it takes to write a long fic

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i haven't tried to write in anything other than english, so i wouldn't know

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i think it was some anime fandom back when i was still going through that phase, but i barely remember it now

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

my most recent fic, but i can see all along, love (it was you all the way down)! this fic is my baby and i poured so much into it, and the response to it has been so heartwarming :)

i don't know who's already done this, but no-pressure tagging: @tawaifeddiediaz @hattalove @henswilsons @messyhairdiaz @eddiebabygirldiaz and anyone else who wants to do this!

[violets-in-her-arms-writes]

Current Wip Monday {1}

Ok, so it's actually tuesday but that's my own fault... Thank you @the-stray-storyteller for the tag ! 💜 (you can find her post here and her WIP introduction for Heavenpoint here! Check it out !)

Rules: Post something you wrote for your current wip, from the last week. if you haven't updated it in some time, here's your chance!!

So here's something I wrote this morning for my vampire lesbian WIP, La Fledgling:

Hatred always made me so nasty. But she could shove that fucking Council up her ass. I still remembered the waxy face of the man who had knocked on my door, after the attack. Arms full of paper, dead eyes, no compassion whatsoever, but pockets full of money that he was ready to throw in my face, if only I was willing to forget. Forget that my whole family had perished under the fangs of a vampire, forget that Lou would never be the same again, forget my arm and leg in pieces, forget the screams, the tears, the blood. All that blood that had flooded my kitchen tiles, the carpet in my living room, that had stained the walls of the hall and the stairwell. Emeline had tried to flee. He had cut her open on the first landing. The council had only had platitudes to offer me. And money. So in the word of the famous philosopher Taylor Swift, I took the money (and Lou and Ana) and ran.

One of these days, I'll write a proper translation of this novel but today's not the day, so in the meantime, take this *offers you three paragraphs translated in fifteen minutes*

I'm (soft) tagging @lena-rambles, @elshells, @writernopal & @junypr-camus (I did see the post you tagged me in by the way - thank you 💜 - , but I need to think about iiit 😭 i don't know what my favourite line is and when I find it, I'll have to translate it (rip 💀), but I WILL find her (yes, it's a threat)). No pressure, tho !

[violetfairydust]

20 Questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @dear-massacre thank you! I love you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

0 as of yet, but I do plan on posting soonish!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Out of all of the fics I've written for Teen Wolf, my total word count so far is 1,115,142

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Predominantly Teen Wolf. I used to write for The Hunger Games and Divergent, but those have taken a back seat.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I haven't posted full fics yet, but my mom's approximate top 5 favorites are

Spring Breaking the Rules - Liam and his friends are going on spring break and he invites his crush without consulting with his friends

Skating By - The Hales go rollerskating and run into some interesting characters who want Derek's attention. Features very jealous Stiles

Teacher Conferences - an AU where Stiles and Derek are dating during 3A. They run into Jennifer at the store the day before school starts and Stiles is jealous she's talking to Derek, and then the following day at school they get into a sass off

Operation: Hayden - Mason, Corey, and Nolan are afraid Hayden is coming back to Beacon Hills to reconnect with Liam even though he's moved on and they try to prevent the two of them interacting with the most ridiculous means possible

I Love You, You Love Me - all human AU where Scott dresses up for kids' birthday parties for extra money. Malia hires him for her young sister's party and he has major issues with his Barney costume

My top 5 most popular snippets that I have posted are

Stiles and Isaac argue about costumes from 'Here for the Boos'

Stiles' wetsuit from 'Lydia and the Princess'

Derek is concerned about Stiles from 'What Sees Us in the Dark'

Stiles is sick and Derek plays doctor from 'Doctor Derek'

Stiles wants to adopt the weird teenager from Louisiana from 'Needs a Waterpark'

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

When I was writing on FF dot net, I would sometimes, but I didn't have a lot of time. As soon as I get posting more, then yes.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Nothing Left to Lose. Bring on the brooding, inner turmoil, and mutual pining.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics end on a happy note, or they're not super angsty. Off the top of my head I'm going with Family Practice because it's the fic where Stiles and Derek become parents and it's a very happy occasion.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have in the past, yes, and it was one of the major reasons I stopped posting at all.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

In my mind, yes. On paper, no. I used to, but I never posted it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have not.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I posted on FF dot net a fic that was really popular and then I found out one of my readers wrote a very similar fic. It wasn't stolen or a direct rip off, but I could tell it was very clearly based off what I wrote.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've collaborated ideas, but we didn't write it together.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I gotta go with Sterek. Always and forever.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

One of my old Divergent fics. I wrote it in Tris's POV and posted all of it, but then I was going to write it in Al's POV and I got halfway through, but readers will know how it ends.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can come up with some funky fics. I enjoy my creativity.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. Either of the setting, characters, or actions. I try to flesh it out in editing, but it's difficult for me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't personally do it because I'm not fluent in other languages. I'm totally fine with other people doing it. I just don't know enough to make it good.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oof. I think it iCarly or Harry Potter.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I'm proud of so many of them. One that I always go back to entertain myself is If I May Say because I gave myself an excuse to watch YouTube while writing. Scott challenges Malia to only reply to people with the last thing she heard in the video she's watching and her replies were perfect and concerning.

[lilmissnatcat24]

omg thank you so much for the tag my gorgeous @milkywayes i ADORE getting tagged in stuff like this

When did you post your first ever fanfic?

i think it was like in 2014? something like that? i was in high school

First Character(s) you wrote?

i don't want to talk about it (self insert fanfiction with the guy who plays voldemort in a very potter musical)

Main Character(s) you’re currently writing?

femshep/garrus

Character(s) you haven’t written about before but plan to write about soon?

i'm dying to write a jack/miranda fic, and if i dip my toe into red dead i'll post arthur/charles, and if i write cyberpunk 2077 i'll write v/judy

Fandom(s) you’re currently writing?

mass effect, planning on red dead 2, cyberpunk 2077, and sword catcher (because that book is changing my life)

Platonic pairing(s) you’re currently writing?

shepard/liara and garrus/wrex. both beautiful dynamics (my hottest take is that i just really don't care for liara's romance, i much prefer her as your bff)

Romantic pairing(s) you’re currently writing?

lil bit of shakarian, lil bit of shrios

Your top AO3 tags?

one bed, fluff and smut, whump, dom garrus vakarian

Current platform you use for posting?

used to be wattpad, but i'm on the ao3 grind now because i reect myself

Snippet of the WIP you are currently working on?

this is going in this week's chapter, i can't tell you how pumped i am for this

She’d never officially learned how to warp something. She’d tried, obviously, back in the Alliance. She’d drill all day until she would collapse on the ground, had to be spoon fed electrolyte water mixed with protein powder until she at least got the energy to vomit the sludge up. There was just something that never clicked, she could never figure it out. 

Until now. She knew exactly what was missing. 

Fucking vengeance. 

She channeled her biotic field in the dead center of the krogan’s chest. She imagined ripping his gullet open and filling it with acid. He stopped in his tracks, as if he were put in a stasis. But blood started to pool from his chest. She felt a tug pulling at her jaw, threatening to throw her forward. But she kept going, kept finding every little nerve and blood capsule in the krogan’s body and dismantling it. He fell to his knees and she rose to her feet. Her ears were roaring, her chest was tightening and tightening, but she didn’t dare stop because if she stopped then Garrus would be in danger-- 

“Shepard!” She vaguely heard Garrus call her name, but he was entirely in another plane of existence. The krogan was still moving, his eyelids still fluttered, his limbs still convulsed. It wasn’t enough, it was never enough. She extended out her other arm, she imagined her biotic forces forming into a javelin that would strike his chest and tear him apart, tear him in half, tear him like she tied his limbs to threshers and made them pull him until he was nothing more than blood and guts-- 

“Shepard!” Garrus took her shoulders in his hands. She dropped the krogan instantly, meeting his eyes. And for the first time, when Garrus looked at her, she saw fear. Genuine fear. Shepard took a gulping, quivering breath. Her head pounded like the worst hangover she’d ever experienced in her life, her teeth chattered. “He’s dead, okay! You can stop now, he’s dead.” 

She dared to look down at the krogan. He looked as though his entire body had been leached from blood, pooling around him as if his body were suddenly poisonous. Shepard did that. Shepard did that. She wanted to throw up, she wanted to laugh, she wanted to curl up and cry under her sheets. 

“Fuck,” she whispered to herself, her voice sounding unfamiliar to her own ears. 

“Since when have you been able to warp something like that?” Garrus asked incredulously, a hint of awe in his voice. 

“I-- I’ve never…” She felt as though someone had replaced her brain with sand, and it was pouring out of her eyes and her ears and her nose. Bile rose in her throat, she forced herself to swallow it down. 

“Crap, Del, why did you choose now to test it out?” 

Shepard looked at Garrus. The fear, the trepidation hadn’t entirely left his expression. What could she say? Garrus was in danger, that krogan was going to kill him? She wouldn't let anything bad happen to him, not after all of this time. So what if she molecularly decimated a lumbering alien at point-blank range? Garrus was okay, he was alive, he was breathing-- 

“I just…” she gave a little shake of her head. “I just did.” 

Garrus swallowed, not breaking eye contact with Shepard. He took a step towards her and cupped her face in his hands. His hands were so big, his palms rested entirely on her cheeks, his thumbs on her jaw. She could feel his subvocals from his touch, she was desperate to know what they meant. For a wild moment, Shepard thought he was about to kiss her. Surrounded by a pile of dead bodies, Fist waiting for them in his backrooms, and Garrus Vakarian was about to kiss her--

But he just traced a finger gingerly underneath both of her eyes. “Your eyes are bleeding…” he whispered, almost so quietly she couldn’t hear it. She squeezed them, feeling the blood inch down her cheeks. They didn’t feel any different than tears.

for the tag don't at all feel pressured to do it but here ya go @carnivorousbelvedere @otemporanerys @westernlarch

[hellotemporaryuniverse]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

(Open) tagged by @kcrabb88 lol but I wanted to do it :)

How many works do you have on ao3? 51! (+7 on my secret alt)

What's your ao3 word count? 258,302 + 67,544 -

What fandoms do you write for? currently, it's just star wars, but I've written for criminal minds before and have some unposted marvel wips -

What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. Oathbreaking -Qui-Gon repudiates Obi-Wan and breaks their bond during the Phantom Menace Council scene and this has repercussions 2. Underestimation -The BAU team takes a case that reminds Reid uncomfortably of his childhood. Rossi finds him when he can't take it anymore 3. See My Dreams All Die -Obi-Wan kills Anakin on Mustafar and is severely wounded doing so. Palpatine is in need of a new apprentice, and Obi-Wan is so conveniently right there 4. 'Til the Sun Goes Down -Take Revenge of the Sith, but it's Obi-Wan instead of Mace who confronts Palpatine 5. Acquainted with the Night -(Unfinished) Reid is kidnapped on a case and the team races to find him (oh god, I can't believe my fifteen year old self's fics make this list) -

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I want to. desperately. it just takes a lot of time and social energy I don't have so I get behind and then I get overwhelmed. I've got 84 unanswered in my inbox currently, some of them months old :( -

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? it's a toss up between Nothing Gold Can Stay (rip Cody) and The Toll of the Bell (rip the Jedi) -

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The one I just wrote for @ashinaburrito - Happily Ever After (quinobi ftw) -

Do you get hate on fics? I've gotten one or two comments that... disagree very strongly with certain decisions I've made in my fics but no outright flaming. I just delete them -

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. and the kind you'll only know about if you reach level 20 friendship -

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? not really anymore? I did in my criminal minds phase. I had one years ago that never really got off the ground that was criminal minds/doctor who/x-men which doesn't sound that crazy, but I would think it was a fever dream if I didn't have the document -

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that I'm aware -

Have you ever had a fic translated? no :') -

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? I have a wip buried in the backrooms that I was writing with @charrhylis. poke, poke, I mean, if you still want to... -

What's your all time favorite ship? all time??? codywan... but winterhawk is a close second -

What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will? all of them lmao. I never know when a fic's going to make it to the finish line or not, but if I had to choose one... my The Will of the Force series. it is. such an ambitious project and I have so many other wips going on so I don't think it will ever happen but I stare at it wistfully sometimes -

What are your writing strengths? I have been told I write good dialogue which is funny because dialogue is hell and if I never had to write it again I would be the happiest person ever. unfortunately, it is difficult to write a story without it (believe me, I've tried. I actually succeeded once) -

What are your writing weaknesses? commas............. jk I'm mostly okay at them. my biggest weakness is my need to make everything perfect on the first go around instead of just getting shit on the page and so I agonize over word choice for hours and wind up with stilted sentences. takes ages to get anything done. -

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? if it counts as another language, I've written dialogue in dai bendu (Jedi conlang) before. I love it, languages are awesome. and with ao3 you can do hovertext so your readers don't get lost, which is cool. -

First fandom you wrote for? star wars! a wip graveyard fic. but then I moved on to criminal minds, and the first posted was from there -

Favorite fic you've ever written? oh geez uhhhhhh. this is hard because I like my fics for different reasons but... right now, I think it's Soldier, Poet, King just because it's such a good character study and I think it's beautiful. Hits all the right notes trope-wise too.