Fans or Foe (Rose X Singer!R)
Request: Part 2 to Hesitate where r meets the team.
Author's Note: Hey guys, I'm sorry that it's been grad school has been kicking my ass. I hope you guys enjoy this.
There was a reason that you were so cautious with how much you shared with the fans and the media. Every move you made was meticulous, calculated to give them the glimpse into your life that they desired, but not enough for them to actually know anything.
Still, they took whatever crumbs you left them, thinking that they had the whole story and running with it.
It was why you had been so careful with the way you came out to the fans, and why you had guarded your relationship with Rose as tightly as you had.
You weren’t ashamed. Not at all, and Rose knew that.
But you had been worried about how the fans would treat her. Sure, she was famous in her own right, but your fans could be intense. You were afraid of them coming after her with hate.
She didn’t deserve to be bombarded by people who had never met her before.
That’s why it had taken you so long to devise a plan to reveal your relationship.
But even with your planning and your prepping, nothing could have prepared Rose for the flood that followed the release of your music video.
It was instant, and overwhelming in a way that she had never experienced for herself before.
The wave of media and fans was one that she had seen you handle time and time again with practiced ease. She watched as you ran invasive reporters around in circles when they asked rude questions and as you smiled gently at sobbing fans, giving out as many photos and autographs as you could.
Of course, you got overwhelmed.
She had seen the bad days when you couldn’t even pick up coffee without getting mobbed. Where you saw flashes of cameras through every open window. Where you wondered if getting to do the thing you loved was worth the harassment.
She had witnessed meetings with your publicist, managers, and team (your war council as rose liked to call it) where you strategized how to combat bad rumors and tour drama, or to deal with being linked to every person you so much as looked at (except her funnily enough).
But you handled it all with a nerdy grace that Rose wasn’t sure she was capable of.
She could turn off her Twitter and Instagram notifications. She could avoid the windows and have her teammates shield her from the paparazzi that had set up outside the hotel. She could handle the USWNT media team’s never-ending begging for a segment with her.
What she couldn’t handle was the nosiness of her own team.
They were driving her crazy, and she wondered again how you could deal with it all without losing your smile because she was going to murder her teammates.
“You guys have seriously got to stop,” Rose groaned, running an irritated hand through her hair and dropping her fork, suddenly losing her appetite. “You're giving me a headache,”
“Come on Rosie, you’re marrying The Y/n Y/l/N,” Emily whined, tossing a grape at the midfielder.
“No. I’m marrying Y/n,” Rose said slowly, hoping that they would be able to catch the distinction. She wasn’t marrying the character that you and your team had created. She was marrying the person behind the character, the woman she had known since your junior year of college. “A person none of you cared about until you found out her last name,”
A small grumble of agreement rumbled around the group, acknowledging the point Rose had made just after the video. If they had asked the right questions then they wouldn’t have been so blindsided. It wasn’t like she hid her relationship from them.
They actually knew quite a bit about you. They knew you liked music, and that you memorized poems and movie quotes for fun. They knew you were a writer (just not a songwriter) and that you were obsessed with rocky road ice cream. They knew more substance about you than most of your own fans did, they just didn’t know they knew.
“I’m just surprised you listened to us thirst after her as much as you did,” Kelley muttered, taking a bite of her sandwich as Lindsey nodded along with her.
“I’m not sure I would have been able to reign in my jealousy if I was in your position,”
Rose shrugged. “You weren’t saying anything that wasn’t true. At least you guys were respectful. More respectful than some of her fans,”
It was the truth. She had learned how to share part of you with the public. That was why she treasured the parts of yourself you didn’t reveal so much. There were parts of you that only she saw. It was a reminder that it was her you called after a show, your voice froggy, and her bed you ended up in as much as you could.
Listening to her teammates hadn’t bothered her. It had been incredibly entertaining, actually. At least they didn’t talk about you like you were a piece of meat.
“I deal with millions of people telling her how gorgeous she is every day. She deals with the same,” Rose continued, squinting to try and get the wording right. “You learn to get over it because I know things that everyone else doesn’t,”
She knew about the smile you saved only for her. She knew about the curl that always popped out behind your ear by the end of the day. She knew all the little things that no one else ever would.
“Her fans are kind of over the top,” Sam agreed, decidedly ignoring the fact that their own fans also thirsted after them.
“Like scary over the top,” Mal snorted, flipping her phone and showing a Twitter update on where the fans thought your private jet was. A dangerous game if Rose did say so herself. “Right now they’re trying to track her private jet. They're convinced she's flying into DC right now,”
It was scary how invasive your fans got, and how convinced they were that the crumbs you left for them were the entire picture.
Your security team had gotten larger as your fanbase had for a reason. Crazy people trying to track the private jet you didn’t own was definitely one of those reasons.
Rose snorted at the page and all its inaccuracies.
“She’s not,” She said, shaking her head. “She won't be here until very late tonight probably,”
The table seemed to pause, Emily’s jaw dropping.
“How do you-?”
“They’re engaged dipshit,” Lindsey cackled, throwing her roll and whacking Emily in the face.
The defender grabbed the roll, taking a bite as she pouted at her girlfriend.
“She has an interview with Falon to promote the album, and then she’s going to see Wicked for like the 50th time,” Rose rolled her eyes. “She’ll Fly here after that,”
She said it casually, like knowing your entire schedule wasn’t a novel thing for the team.
“She’s actually coming?” Emily asked, practically bouncing in her seat, earning another eye roll from Rose.
“Yeah, she wanted to see the game,” Rose shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, because to her it wasn’t anything new. “Apparently, watching soccer is relaxing for her,”
She wouldn’t tell them your actual quote, that watching her ass was the reason you enjoyed it so much.
Emily’s blue eyes widened, and her bouncing increased so much that Rose was afraid she was going to tip her chair over. “What room are you in?”
“No,”
Rose’s response was immediate, sharp, and left no room for argument. She knew her friends too well to divulge that kind of information. They could be worse than your own fans at times, and she knew you were going to be exhausted when you got in. You didn’t need any more harassment, not with the way fans were already tracking your every movement.
“What?” Emily asked incredulously, trying too hard to seem innocent.“It’s just for my curiosity,”
Rose’s eyes narrowed at the statement, as it confirmed her suspicion.
“You’re not camping outside of my door and waiting for her to get here,” Rose said, leaving no room for argument. “Don’t think about staking out the lobby either, she’s not coming in through the front, and it’ll be hella late anyway. You’ll get to see her in the morning,”
“Why is she flying in so late?” Kelley asked, ignoring Emily’s pout. “Why not wait until tomorrow morning or something?”
Rose shrugged, unable to stop the small blush that colored her cheeks. “It’s easier,”
She wasn’t going to tell them that you had trouble sleeping without her. That you just couldn’t wait the extra 12 hours to see her. That she didn’t want to wait to see you either.
“Yeah, right,” Lindsey snorted.
“It probably is,” Mal said, her eyebrows furrowed. “The airport is probably less crowded, and there's probably fewer paparazzi to track her every movement,”
Rose nodded. “There are also fewer fans,”
The table seemed to pause as it took in the information, and Rose could practically see the wheels turning in their heads.
“I thought she liked meeting the fans?” Emily frowned, sounding deeply wounded. It was one of the things your fans loved most about you, your commitment to them.
Rose sighed. It was another difficult concept to explain.
You loved your fans. You loved giving them special moments, like when you always pulled someone up on the stage for your piano set, or the hundreds of free meet and greets you did, but there was an invisible line that separated your working self from your actual self. The line between Y/n and The Y/n Y/l/n. It was dangerous when your fans chose to cross that line.
“She does,” Rose hedged, biting her lip, trying to think of how to explain to them that meeting a giant crowd of people wherever you went was not only overwhelming but a threat to your safety. “It just makes things more complicated when a thousand people are waiting for her wherever she goes,”
“I think that’s understandable,” Sam agreed easily, and the table nodded along with her. “She did get mobbed in time square when she went to pick up her album last night,”
Rose winced at the fact, silently grateful for the distance between you for once. You had told her that it would have been even worse if she was actually with you. She hadn’t been able to stop herself from scrolling through the thousands of Tik Toks and Snap Stories of the incident, or the way her heart beat a little faster at the nervous smile you had sent to everyone you passed that night.
They had all deemed that it was a grateful look. That you were happy they had shown up. They couldn’t see the anxiety that was clear to her.
“And that’s exactly what we want to avoid,”
“So we don’t get any details?” Emily asked again, her pout deepening when Rose shook her head.
“I’ll introduce you tomorrow, and you can harass her before we leave for the game and after we get back,” Rose said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Before that, she’s off limits,”
“We’ll respect tonight,” Kelley hummed soothingly, sending a look to her fellow chaos defender. “But I make no promises for tomorrow,”
Rose blew out a breath. “All I ask for is tonight,”
*******
You were no stranger to sneaking in and out of hotel rooms. You practically lived in hotel rooms 200 days out of the year, avoiding hotel staff and fans for some semblance of privacy. You spent another 50 following your girlfriend around the world.
You knew how to get in and out without people knowing, and your staff was well-trained in doing the same.
But you appearing at Rose’s door when her teammates were still texting the group chat convinced your airplane hadn’t left JFK yet, was something that would never get old.
“Hey,” You smiled softly at the woman, leaning on the doorframe.
Her nose scrunched at your voice, froggy from too many performances. “Hey you, wanna come in?”
You hummed, stepping forward and pulling the midfielder into your arms. She melted into you, wrapping her arms around your neck as you buried your face in her hair.
You held her tightly, rocking side to side as the door slammed uncaringly behind you. “I missed you,”
It was a soft admission, vulnerable in a way that most people would never get to see. It was an admission that she didn’t need you to verbalize for her to know. She could feel it in the way that you held her, in a way that seeped from your bones into her.
“I missed you too,” She breathed into your shoulder, holding you just as tightly. She had missed you just as much.
Despite your ability to write music, she had learned long ago that you were actually rather terrible at putting your emotions into words, but that didn't mean that you didn’t express yourself.
You just preferred to use bad quotes and physical contact to convey how you felt, and She let you.
The hug went on for a long few moments, before you pulled away, your eyes tracing over her features. “No, I missed you,”
She smiled softly up at you, leaning in and connecting your lips. She knew what you meant, that you struggled to show how much you cared for her when there was so much distance between you. You hadn’t just missed being near her, you missed the comfort and stability she brought you. You missed being able to hold her and make her feel as safe as she made you feel.
The kiss was soft and slow, your tongues gently dancing together in a familiar waltz, your hand tighten around her hips, and her fingers tangled in the baby hairs at the back of your neck, pulling you closer.
“I know,” Rose smirked, against your lips. “Are we going to make out in the entranceway all night?”
You shook your head once. “That wouldn’t be very economical of us, not when the part we’re paying for is the bed,”
“Then why don’t we put it to good use?” She wiggled her eyebrows at you, earning a slightly pained smile.
She frowned, trailing her hands across your neck to cup your cheeks. “Hey, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,”
You leaned heavily into the touch
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” You started softly, biting your lip as the words seemed to get caught in your mouth. You didn’t think there would ever be a time when you didn’t want her. “I’m just-...”
Rose knew how difficult vocalizing your emotions could be for you. How you always struggled to express what you were feeling, but you didn’t have to say it for her to know. She could see the droop in your eyelids, the dark circles that accented your face.
She ran her thumb over the marks, and you sighed.
“Completely exhausted,” She murmured, and all you could do was nod.
You weren’t opposed to sex, but you knew that you would never be able to finish (or guide her to a finish) if you started. You wanted to be present when you were intimate with her, and with how worn out you were, you knew it wouldn’t be that kind of experience.
“When was the last time you slept?” She pressed, already guiding you to sit on the edge of the bed. She stepped between your legs, running her hands through your hair as your eyebrows furrowed. Your plan had been to sleep on the way to Colorado so you could be more awake for her when you got there, but you had been so totally consumed by a song idea that you hadn’t been able to sleep. You hadn’t planned on staying awake for the entire 4-hour flight, but once you started, you couldn’t stop.
“I was working on a project on the airplane and I got distracted,” You mumbled in answer, leaning forward and resting your forehead on her chest, breathing her in. You ran your thumb along the small sliver of skin between her shirt and her pants, tapping out random patterns. “I just want to feel you,”
She hummed, scratching your scalp more deeply. She understood what you meant, you wanted the intimacy that you only got with her, and she was happy to give it to you.
“Come on,”
She used the hand in your hair to pull your head back, and placed a very soft kiss on your lips. “Let's get more comfortable and then we can cuddle,”
Her fingers hooked the bottom of your sweatshirt as you pulled away, maneuvering it over your head and pulling your shirt off with it.
You let out a low sound in the back of your throat, reaching for her shirt and tugging the hem. “Can this come off too?”
Rose sent you a small smirk, running her hands through your hair again. “That was the plan babe,”
You made another low sound, tugging again at her shirt. She rolled her eyes at you, pulling the material over her head and chuckling at the way your eyes roamed over the creamy skin of her chest and down her abs (she wasn’t wearing a bra).
The way you looked at her never failed to send a shiver down her spine. It made her feel wanted and powerful. She knew that you didn’t look at anyone else like you looked at her. You didn’t look at anyone else with so much love and devotion and want, despite how many people looked at you that way.
She made more of a show pulling down her sleep shorts, turning away from you to toss them into her bag, and wiggling her ass for you just a bit before turning back towards you and kneeling between your legs.
“Now, let's get you out of your pants too,”
You groaned, falling back onto the bed as her warm hands landed on your stomach, just above the button of your jeans. “I want you so bad, but I’m so fucking tired,”
She chuckled, shaking her head and undoing your pants. “I know. We’re just going to cuddle. You like naked cuddles the best,”
You nodded, lifting your hips so she could pull your pants off. “They’re the best,”
“Move to the middle of the bed so we can cuddle then,” She hummed, grabbing your pants and underwear and tossing them next to her own abandoned clothing next to her bag.
“So bossy,” You grumbled, following her instruction nonetheless, and tucking yourself under the blankets.
She huffed, settling under the blanket next to you, drawing you in so your head rested on her chest. “You love it,”
“I do,” You murmured, kissing the skin in between her breasts. “I love you so much it hurts, and I’m so happy to see you,”
“I love you too,” She hummed back, kissing the crown of your head, and rubbing your back. “Now sleep. You’re too sappy when you’re sleep deprived,”
You hummed back, your eyes sliding closed. There would be time to be sappy in the morning when you were more awake.
******
Early morning light flickered through the window, casting soft shadows over the alabaster skin of Rose’s back.
It would never fail to be one of your favorite sights, her hair spilled across the pillows wild and untamed, the blanket pulled down just below her shoulders, and her hand reaching out and resting on your stomach, where she had drawn circles for most of the night. It was so domestic, foreign, and familiar all the same (That’s what you got with only 60 days a year with neither of you on the road).
You had never really been a morning person, always preferring the twinkling lights of stars and buildings over the budding sunrise, but Rose was slowly changing that. Seeing her in the lantern-like oranges and yellows of dawn was something to behold. It was better than any painting or work of art you had ever seen.
What you wouldn’t give to wake up to her every day.
You shook your head, reaching for your bag, but never leaving the bed, and pulling out a very famous little black notebook.
It always made you chuckle how people freaked out about your songbook or assumed that you only wrote songs on one platform.
It was a ridiculous notion that your entire musical career was held in a singular bound notebook, but you never felt the need to correct the fans. You always did prefer little black books to write out your song thoughts, and it made you laugh when they went crazy when they saw it.
You hummed lightly to yourself, opening the book and flipping to the page you had already started on.
Your eyes scanned the partial lyrics on the page, looking at the little notes you had made about chords and patterns, using your pen to make a few edits and additions. You had the tune in your head, but figuring out how it fit with the story you wanted to tell was always a fun challenge for you. One that sucked you in.
You weren’t sure how long you sat, Rose’s hand on your abs as you worked through your song before you noticed her fingers moving in slow circles. They trailed up your stomach, to your book, and pulled it down, drawing your attention to her.
You complied, tossing your book towards the bedside table, before drawing her up in your arms, enjoying the way your skin felt pressed together.
“How long have you been up?” She asked, her voice groggy, and you squinted glancing at the clock.
The truth was that you weren’t quite sure. You hadn’t looked at the clock, but the sun had been just barely peeking through the window, and now it was streaming in a constant ray.
“Not too long I don’t think,” You shrugged, running your free hand through your hair, squinting.“I had an idea and I didn’t want to lose it,”
You felt more than you saw her roll her eyes. “You always have an idea you don’t want to lose,”
“Guilty as charged,” You chuckled, kissing her head. “It’s just easier for me to think when i don’t have so much music tangled in my head,”
You knew that she wasn’t a fan of your sleep schedule, but it wasn’t really something you could help. You and sleep had never been good friends, though it had gotten much better when you moved in with Rose, it was still never something that would be considered normal.
She let out a long breath, rolling over so she was facing you, kissing your lips. “I know, I just worry about you,”
Your arm tightened around her waist and tilted your head to capture her lips again.
Rose had seen you at your worst. She had seen you work yourself to the edge of insanity. She had seen you push yourself to please your record label and neglect your own needs. She had seen how self-destructive you could be (the break between your second album and your third had been rough). She would never not worry about you pushing yourself too far.
“I know,” You murmured, pulling away from the kiss. “But I’m doing ok. I’ve got a better team, and a good balance,”
She hummed, her lips finding your neck and leaving little kisses there.
“Speaking of teams,” She muttered, trailing lower toward your collarbone.
“I have to meet yours don’t I?”
“Yeah,” She sighed, looking up at you and resting her chin just above your heart. “They're going to be invasive and annoying,”
“They gonna give me a shovel talk?” You asked, chuckling just a bit. “Even though I’ve known you for longer than any of them?”
Rose chuckled too, pushing herself to a sitting position and essentially straddling your waist (and you tried very hard to maintain eye contact and not be a pervert and ogle her breasts). “I think Emily is going to be more interested in grilling you about all of your music,”
You scrunched your nose. “She knows I’m not going to tell her any details about who i sing about right?”
Rose smirked. “I think she’s convinced she’s going to get the whole story now that she knows The Y/n Y/l/n,”
“I think the only person other person who knows the whole story is you,” You grumbled with a roll of your eyes. “I don’t know why they’re so obsessed. Why can’t they just enjoy the music,”
It was Rose’s turn to roll her eyes. “Because then you wouldn’t have so much fun leaving breadcrumbs for them to piece together,”
You shrugged. “I leave them breadcrumbs and they were still blindsided by us announcing our engagement,”
“It’s because your puzzles never have only one answer,” Rose said, slapping your shoulder and pushing herself out of bed. “You design them so they can come to multiple conclusions, so I hardly think that's fair,”
Your eyes followed her as she bent over, grabbing a towel tossing a shirt towards her bag, your shirt from last night, and heading towards the bathroom to shower. You also knew she was taking every opportunity to tease you.
It was kind of her MO.
“And what you do to me is fair?” You asked, earning a smirk. “We both have the games we like to play,”
“At least you actually get satisfaction in the end,” Rose said, raising an eyebrow at you.
You couldn’t help but nod in agreement, following after her toward the bathroom.
“I give them so much of myself already,” You said softly, as she turned the water on. “The last things I have are the stories behind the songs. I want to keep it sacred,”
Rose’s entire body paused, and she very slowly turned towards you, kneeling down in front of where you had sat down on the toilet.
“First of all,” She started gently. “Your music is not the only thing you have. You have me, and you’re never going to lose me,”
She kissed your lips before she continued. “Second, you don’t have to give up anything you don’t want to, and I won't let any of my friends force you to, not that they would,”
You nodded again. “I know you won’t Rosie,”
“Now let's shower, and then we’ll meet my crazy teammates,”
******
Your entire life was based around the public’s opinion of you. It was why you were so good at handling people. At painting a charming smile on your face and playing the charismatic singer.
And from the moment you stepped out of the hotel room, Rose knew that she was in the presence of the character you so often played instead of her significant other.
It was what you knew the team wanted and expected.
But it wasn’t what she wanted.
She wanted her friends to meet the women she fell in love with. She wanted them to meet the real you.
Her hand tightened around your arm, pulling you to a stop before you could hit the elevator button, and she immediately had all of your attention.
“Don’t do that,” She said seriously, stepping into your personal bubble, her nose nearly touching your chin.
You frowned, tilting your head at her. “Do what? Press the elevator? Would you rather take the stairs?”
She shook her head, pressing impossibly closer to you. “I want them to meet my fiance, not Y/n Y/l/n Singer, songwriter, superstar extraordinaire,”
“But your fiance is Y/n Y/l/n - Singer, songwriter, terrible chief extraordinaire,” You smirked.
She chuckled at how you changed her line, but didn’t move away from you. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I mean,”
You blew out a long breath. It was easier to meet people as your alter ego. People had expectations of her and it was fairly easy to meet them. What was more difficult was actually being yourself.
Your fans only got glimpses of the person you were underneath the persona, mostly through your songs and acoustic sets. Letting people closer required vulnerability and you didn’t share that often. The only person you felt comfortable seeing it was Rose.
Your expression softened, and you brought your hands up to very gently hold her waist. “I just know what they’re expecting,” You confessed softly. “I don’t want to embarrass you,”
“Baby,” She cooed with more gentleness than she usually used with you, her hands sliding up your arms to cup your jaw. “Why would you being yourself embarrass me,”
You opened and closed your mouth several times, trying to find the words.
The Y/n Y/l/n was cool. She was suave and dapper and knew how to make the fans feel seen and heard even when she had never met them. She knew how to be charismatic and charming. She wasn’t… you.
You were a dork, obsessed with music theory and chord progressions that made absolutely no sense. You were shy and introverted.
You were not what the team was expecting.
You closed your eyes under the weight of her stare, leaning forward so your foreheads touched.
It was so easy for you to get stuck in your head when you had to be your actual self around anyone who wasn’t Rose.
Her team thought she had gotten a catch, but in reality, it was her who was so far out of your league.
You weren’t quite sure how you of all people had become an international pop sensation. You were just an abandoned kid from Kansas who sang about your pain.
“I’m not…cool,” You mumbled, your fingers tightening around her waist. “Really, I’m a loser who got famous for putting together songs about a fucked up situation,”
You felt her suck in a deep breath, and the finger on your cheek tapped twice. Your eyes opened to meet her blue.
“We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.”
You cracked a smile at the familiar line, shoving her away just a bit. “You know I hate the breakfast club,”
“Yes,��� She hummed, grabbing your belt loops and pulling you back in. “But you gotta admit, it has some good quotes,”
“Dont forget about me was the only good part of that movie,” You scoffed, shaking your head. “If it wasn’t considered a cult classic, no one would care about it. At least other cult classics have better tunes,”
“Like Rocky Horror?” She raised an eyebrow at you.
You shrugged a rye smile etching its way across your features, a sharp contrast to the mask of The y/n y/l/n. “Time warp will never not be good, and really I was talking about Batman and Robin,”
Rose chuckled at the mention of your favorite campy movie, leaning up to kiss your lips. They weren’t as sophisticated as Christopher Nolan’s Batman, but they were a staple in your childhood. “I didn’t think poison ivy sang in that,”
“She doesn’t,” You agreed, as she pulled back and pressed the elevator call button. “Mr. Freeze does,”
She rolled her eyes at your explanation, tugging your hand as the doors popped open. “They stole that from A Year Without a Santa Claus,”
“I liked that one too,” You shrugged, unbothered.
The banter with her made it easy for your shoulders to relax. Made it easy for you to feel like yourself, and you knew that didn’t go unnoticed by Rose.
You just hoped her friends liked the real you.
*****
You knew that meeting Rose’s team was going to be absolute chaos.
You had heard enough stories to know exactly how crazy they could be, and you expected the normal questions you were peppered with anytime you met new people. You knew that many of the women on the team were fans, but you hadn’t realized how big of fans they were.
You hadn’t expected to be swarmed as soon as the elevator door binged open, and it took everything in you not to paint your million-dollar smile on your face.
“You have to tell us who all the songs are about now that we know you,”
“What’s it like to sing on a stage in front of thousands?”
“How do you pick the person you serenade during the love song set?”
“Did you date Taylor?”
Their voices blended together in a symphony that would rival even the loudest crowds you performed to, and the sudden attention made the hairs on the back of your neck prickle.
Contrary to popular belief, you didn’t like attention unless you were on stage.
“Jesus guys, it’s not even 10 yet,” Rose said, holding up a hand to silence her friends. “Calm your tits,”
Kelley smirked. “You just asked for peace until this morning. That’s all we promised,”
“You talked about me?” You asked, your eyebrows furrowing.
Rose rolled her eyes, “These looney toons wanted to ambush you outside my door last night,”
You hummed, noting how her fingers tightened around yours. It told you how much she had stopped her friends as much for her own sake as she had done it for yours.
You couldn’t help the way your famous smirk danced across your features. “That would tie for one of the craziest things a fan has done to meet me,”
Rose squeezed your hand again. A reminder that she wanted them to meet you, and not who you pretended to be, but it was too late.
It was so easy to slip into character, and give her friends exactly what you knew they expected.
“Oh!” Emily’s eyes lit up, and she launched herself at you, pulling you away from rose and dragging you towards the meal room. “Tell me more,”
“Yeah y/n what’s your crazy fan story?” Kelley chimed in, smirking towards Rose as they trailed after you.
You glanced behind you, catching Rose’s frown just before she slid her own mask into place.
It made your chest ache, but the show must go on.
You wiggled your eyebrows at her teammates. “Well…-“
********
“So I’ve gotta ask,” Emily said, leaning forward as you finished your chicken and whipped your mouth. “Are all of them about her?”
Your eyebrows furrowed at the question. “Are all of what about who?”
Rose snorted from across from you. She had been pouting since the youngins and Emily called dibs on the seats next to you.
“The songs,” Emily clarified a slight whine to her voice. “Are they all about Rose?”
“They can’t be,” Lindsey groaned, leaning back in her chair. “There’s an entire set about breakups,”
You shrugged, smirking as you started in on your rice.
“She’s not going to tell you,” Rose sighed, shaking her head with a slight smile. At least she wasn’t angry with you, even though you hadn’t been able to keep your promise to her.
“But why?” Sanchez whined.
“It would ruin the fun,” Your smirk widened. “Plus, who I think the songs are about isn’t important,”
The youngins around you gasped like you had spoken the most blasphemous thing they had ever heard.
“You can’t be serious,” Emily grumbled. “You’re entire fandom hinges on the theories,”
Rose snorted again, stabbing her lunch.“She’s deadly serious,”
“I am,” You agreed, meeting Rose’s eyes. “When I put music out, it’s no longer my own. It belongs to the fans. It’s theirs to create theories about or to apply to their own situation. When I sing it at concerts, I don’t sing it to the person I wrote it for. I sing it for the fans, and they sing it about their situations. It’s kinda like inception, a meaning within a meaning,”
The table went quiet at your explanation.
“That was deeper than I thought it'd be,” Kelley mumbled.
You shrugged, just as your phone started ringing in your pocket.
You glanced down at the device, your eyebrows furrowing. “I’ve gotta take this,”
You pushed yourself up from the table, waving Rose away as you stepped out to answer, not noticing the little black book you had left in your chair.
But Emily noticed it.
She reached for it, holding it up. “Is this what I think it is?”
“You guys are too much,” Rose rolled her eyes. “Let me have it before she freaks out,”
“So this is what I think it is then?” Emily asked, raising an eyebrow at Rose. “The sacred book that all our theories are based upon,”
“It’s just a songbook,” Rose grumbled, holding her hand out for the book. “Not the fucking bible. Give it to me,”
“It’s the Y/fan base/n bible,” Ashley added unhelpfully. “You should see what she’s working on,”
“That’s a massive invasion of privacy,” Rose huffed, reaching to pull the book out of Sonnett’s hand.
“But you wanted us to get to know her,” Emily said, raising her eyebrow.
“And if we just… happened to drop it, and looked at the page as we opened it… it wouldn’t be an invasion,” Ashley shrugged.
“No,” Rose growled, glaring at the blondes.
“Yes,” Emily smirked back, holding the book up and casually dropping it, so it landed on the page you were working on, before leaning over and scooping it up.
The youngins clambered around her to get a good look at your loopy writing, squinting at the page, and Rose sat back in defeat.
You barely let her read your book as it was.
“What are the symbols above the words?” Lindsey asked, glancing up at Rose from the page.
“Those are the notes,” Rose said, her eyes narrowing. “Sometimes she’ll include dots to indicate the rhythm. It’s mostly shorthand,”
Emily hummed, flipping it around for Rose to see. “Looks like a love song to me. She even said your sleepy smile is her favorite sight in the margin,”
Rose leaned forward, eyebrows furrowing as she tried to make out your scratchy handwriting.
Her eyes followed Emily’s finger, making out the sketch of a Rose, and the line right next to the lyrics you were working through.
“She didn’t say it was me,” Rose huffed, sitting back. “She just likes to doodle sometimes,”
“The line she wrote next to it is - Doesn't matter if the world falls apart Or whatever comes tomorrow I will always keep you in my heart-. It’s about you,” Emily said, rolling her eyes and pulling the book back. “But I wonder what the little ladder she drew means,”
“It’s the bridge,” You said, plucking your book out of her hand and pulling it to your chest. “It’s impolite to read things that don’t belong to you, or to show those things to other people,”
“Oh, it fell,” Sanchez tried to argue, but you held up a finger, silencing them.
“It didn’t fall into your finger,” You muttered. “She wasn’t supposed to see that yet,”
You could feel your mask cracking. Your frustration at them showing her the song you were working on overwhelmed the easy-going character you normally played.
You had been working on the song for months, to surprise Rose, maybe for your wedding.
You cleared your throat, ignoring the concerned look your fiancé was sending your way. “I need to go meet with my manager. There’s a problem. I just came back to tell you I’d see you after practice,”
You didn’t wait for a response before you turned on your heel and left the room again.
“Nice going guys,” Rose muttered, grabbing both of your plates and chasing after you.
This was not how she expected your first meeting with the team to go.
*****
You hadn’t been lying when you said you had a meeting with your manager and your publicist. There was an apparent crisis that you had to deal with. It was annoying, but you weren’t sure if you were more irritated by some front desk person posting a picture of you in the USWNT hotel, or from Rose’s team showing her your book.
Only you got to show her stuff in your book.
“I literally don’t care,” You muttered to your publicist, sipping your coffee. “I’m wearing her jersey to the game tomorrow, so there’s no need to be subtle,”
“You don’t need to be snippy,” Kara (your publicist) said gently, pulling the cup from your hand.
You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “Sorry, I’m just frustrated,”
“I thought Rosie would have worked all the frustration out of you,” Lena (your manager) chuckled. “You’re usually a ray of sunshine after spending the night with her,”
You shrugged, blowing out another breath. “I was in a good mood and then I met her team,”
“They read you the riot act?” Lena raised her eyebrow at you.
“No,” You muttered, furrowing your eyebrows. “They read my songbook and showed it to Rose while I was in the phone with you,”
You ran a frustrated hand through your hair, shifting uncomfortably under the gaze of the two women who had been with you since the beginning. “They showed her the page with the song I was gonna sing during our first dance,”
Lena and Kara shared a long look. They knew how protective you were over your music before it had been perfected. They knew how rare it was for you to show anyone, barring Rose herself.
“What did Rose say?”
Your shoulders lifted and fell as you picked your cuticle with your nail. “I didn’t give her time to catch up for a conversation,”
You had perfected the art of disappearing as much as you had appearing. You had slipped out by the time she had made it to the lobby, and you hadn’t answered her text messages since.
Lena and Kara both sighed, and your green-eyed manager reached out and caught your hand. “I thought the two of you agreed, no more running,”
“I know,” You ground out, pulling away and meeting Lena’s green eyes.
It had been one of the most important promises in your relationship. It was hard for you to talk when you were upset, and your childhood had taught you it was better to run than face the consequences. That you couldn’t be hurt if you didn’t talk.
But you wanted it to be different with Rose. It was different with her.
“It’s not her fault they read it,” You muttered. “I heard her tell them to stop,”
“So why not talk to her?” Kara pressed.
You chewed your bottom lip.“Because she read what isn’t done yet. It’s too raw,”
“Too vulnerable,” Kara supplied easily.
You shook your head. You didn’t mind being vulnerable with Rose, she was going to be your wife. You minded that all of her friends had been watching. You worried that one of those pages would wind up on some tumblr somewhere and she would be exposed. That your private thoughts would be stolen from you.
You already struggled enough with not feeling like a person with how much people felt comfortable taking your privacy away.
“Rose wanted them to meet the real me, and I couldn’t give her that,” You said slowly. “And now they’ve ruined my surprise for her,”
“Kid,” Lena sighed. “You know Rose doesn’t care about any of that. She loves you,”
“But I care,” You muttered. It was a hard thing for you to put into words. That you felt so … violated by something so seemingly innocuous. “I care that I didn’t get to show her my song in my own time. It’d be like… Davinci being forced to put his last supper on display before he was ready,”
Kara hummed. “Then why don’t you show her in your own way,”
You frowned, not understanding.
“The hotel has a piano,” Kara explained gently. “Why don’t you show her the song the way you had planned? The one in your notebook might not be finished, but the one in your head is,”
You nodded, running a hand through your hair. “I wanted to play to clear my head anyway,”
“Then I’ll get you set up,” Lena nodded. “We’ll take care of it,”
*****
Your fingers gently danced across the white keys, caressing them like they were a long-lost love, an old friend that welcomed you with familiar comfort. With nearly as much reverence as you touched rose with.
You had once heard Michael Phelps talk about how the pool drowned out his thoughts. The piano was that for you. The world around you went silent, and you could be at peace, even surrounded by a hundred thousand of your closest friends.
You sighed, humming along as your fingers pressed out the bridge again.
It was the one part that had been bothering you. The one part that wasn’t quite right. You squinted, running the same line again, switching out one of the notes, and shaking your head.
It still wasn’t right. You grit your teeth, slamming both hands on the keys.
You went to do it again, but her voice stopped you.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Rose asked you, landing a hand on your shoulder, and you gently lowered your fingers to the keys.
You blinked up at her, painting your famous smirk across your lips. “Sure you won’t sell them for a dollar?”
Her lips ticked up at your joke as she settled onto the bench beside you. “Becky had a long talk with Emily and Sanchez, expect an apology tomorrow,”
Your shoulders lifted and dropped, and your fingers returned to their starting position.
You didn’t need team dynamics to get involved in something that wasn’t a team problem.
You could feel Rose’s eyes on you, trying to read what was going through your mind.
“I’m not upset that they read my book,” You muttered, your fingers catching on the keys as you played through the bridge again, “they’re fans. I should have expected that,”
“No,” Rose growled, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at her. “Them being fans does not give them the right to invade your privacy. You being famous doesn’t negate your right to your thoughts,”
You pulled away, shaking your head. It was a familiar argument, one the two of you had had many times over.
Rose knew how you struggled to separate the parts of yourself.
“They don’t see me as a person,” You mumbled, closing your eyes as your fingers danced across the keys again, stumbling over the bridge. “To them, I’m just a character on a stage. My book is a part of that. It’s part of their lore. I’m not upset they looked,”
Rose paused, her eyes searching you. “You’re upset I looked?”
Again your shoulders lifted as you played through the section again. “They ruined my surprise,”
Your voice came out soft, and weak, showing the vulnerability that you knew only Rose would understand.
Rose’s eyebrows furrowed as you played the same riff again, missing the same note that you had several times. It wasn’t like you to miss notes, or to be indecisive.
Her hands moved to cover yours, stopping you from playing it again. “Baby, look at me,”
You sighed, your finger landing on the wrong note as you looked up at her, finally making eye contact.
Her thumb traced across your cheek as she searched you. It felt like she was peering into your very soul. “What’s going on?”
“I know you’ve been struggling to pick a song for our first dance,” You said slowly. “I was trying to surprise you. They ruined it. You saw it and now I can’t finish it,”
You watched as her face morphed from awe to something so much softer, and you leaned into her touch as she pulled you in for a very sweet kiss.
“Baby,” She smiled gently at you as she pulled away, and you saw the playful glint in her eyes. “They haven’t ruined everything. I may have heard a few of the words, but I can’t put a tune together with a few notes written on a page,”
You shook your head. “Still,”
You wanted it to be perfect. You knew your wedding day was likely to turn out like a fucking zoo, so you wanted to give her what you could. She deserved to have her dream wedding, and you hoped that you writing a song for her would help to make it that.
“I had it in my head, and now it’s just,” You flicked your hand. “Poof,”
Rose hummed, she knew how finicky your writing could be. How you could so easily be derailed. “You’ll figure it out, and then you can show me in your own time,”
Your shoulders lifted and dropped, and Rose knew that was all she would get out of you.
“But what I wanted to talk about more was your disappearing act,” She said seriously, and your shoulders hunched.
“I’m sorry,” You mumbled earnestly. “It was just too much,”
She nodded. If anyone understood it was her. You were a flight person more than you were a fight person, but you had promised her you wouldn’t run anymore a long time ago.
For the most part, you kept that promise. It worried her that today you hadn’t.
“I know, but pushing me away means I can’t help you,” She said gently. “It would have been better even if you just let me give you a hug before you ran off to meet Lena and Kara,”
You swallowed hard. You hadn’t waited because you didn’t want to fall apart on her. You needed to collect yourself before you faced her, and your management team always knew how to put you back together.
“I’m sorry,” Your voice broke as the words left your lips, and Rose pulled you closer to her. “I just needed to… process what I was feeling. It’s not always so cut and dry,”
She hummed, letting you tuck your face into her chest and just breathe her in. She knew it would comfort you more than anything she could say would.
She ran her hand through your chair, scratching your scalp, and enjoying getting to have you close. Enjoying that you were allowing her to comfort you.
You let out a long breath before pulling away and looking up at her. “I’m sorry I made a bad impression on your friends,”
She shook her head. “You didn't. They were fucking thrilled that you scolded them. Apparently, they think you're going to write a song about this or whatever,”
She waved her hand for effect, the same gesture you used most of the time when you were talking about the overzealousness of your fans. You couldn’t help but chuckle at her, shaking your head.
You would never truly understand your fans, no matter how much you tried or pretended to. But these weren’t just fans, these were her friends.
“I hope that someday they get to meet the real me,” You said, squeezing her hips. “Preferably before the wedding,”
Rose couldn’t help but cackle. “I’m sure we’ll get it all straightened out tomorrow. They were far less excited to get yelled at by Becky,”
You hummed, squeezing her hips again and just basking in the long moment. You knew you would have to break it. While you were technically on vacation, she was not.
“You have practice,” You said finally, glancing over at the clock. “And I should really work out this line before I go insane,”
“I know,” She shot you a sad sigh. “At least I’ll see you later,”
“I’m here for you all week babe,” You agreed with a nod. “And I’m taking you to dinner,”
She smirked. “You missed dessert last night, so be ready,”
You wiggled your eyebrows at her. “I’m always ready,”
“You’re too much,” She slapped your shoulder, and leaned in to kiss you, but before she could there was a knock at the door, and Becky’s head popped into the room.
She send a sorry smile your way, but you waved her off. You understood that Rose had things that she needed to do. You would never stop her from chasing after her dream.
You pulled away. “Go score some goals for me, I’ll be here when you get back,”
“Just don’t work too hard alright?” She said, moving a curl from in front of your eyes.
Your smirk widened. “No promises,”
“You’re going to be the death of me,” Rose said, her smile never leaving her face as she leaned in a placed a very sweet kiss on your lips.
“I love you,” You hummed against her,
“I love you too,” She smiled against your lips, lingering for another long second, her hands accidentally pressing into the keys behind you before pulling away.
Your head tilted at the sound, even though your eyes didn’t move to the key until Rose was out of sight.
Your finger landed on the key again, experimentally pressing it.
The A rang out across the ballroom like the hum of a tuning fork.
You shook your head, your lips parting. It was perfect.
Maybe you wouldn’t have to work so hard after all.
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