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lnnlove · 2 years

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leather and lace | e.m.

eddie munson x fem reader

summary: your band plays at the hideout on thursdays and you've always competed with eddie munson. when you realize your actual feelings towards him, you start sending messages in the songs you choose to sing and eddie notices. a (fr)enemies to lovers with mutual pining story where the upside down is never mentioned and the only conflict is the one that these two idiots in love create on their own.

word count: 10k

warnings: slight asshole!eddie, general angst, cussing, marijuana use, drinking, reader uses fem pronouns, mentions of harassment, beginnings of smut, if I missed any please let me know!

author's note(s): I did not fact check if all of the songs mentioned were released at the time this would be taking place (I feel like this is '87 or '88 and our boy got to graduate), please don't hate me! this is basically an open love letter to miley cyrus's version of heart of glass (when they sing heart of glass in the story, imagine this version) which obviously was not around then so if you can't ignore a few inaccuracies, don't read. also, i've just decided the fourth member of corroded coffin is named kevin instead "unnamed freak" or "freak 1" as he is referred to on wiki and imdb (😭).

here, have an accompanying playlist bc I love you <3

The Queens of Noise were what you sentimentally named your band after winning the middle school talent show when you sang the song of the same name by The Runaways with your four best friends.

"It's easy to sing the same words over and over again," Eddie Munson said to you backstage after the awards. "You just sang to the recorded song, you didn't even play your own instruments." That was the first thing the older boy ever said to you.

"Whatever Eddie. You're just jealous that we won," you replied to him with squinted eyes and a look that said eat shit Eddie Munson.

"First place doesn't prove anything except that the teachers like you better than us. It doesn't mean you actually have any talent," Eddie sneered, "come on guys, let's go."

Eddie brushed past you to leave the auditorium, jutting his shoulder into yours harshly as he walked past with his band Corroded Coffin following closely behind him, but Gareth actually smiled sweetly at you and your friends and Jeff quietly congratulated his sister standing behind you.

Ever since that day, everything you do is to prove Eddie Munson wrong.

Eddie said it wasn't impressive if you weren't playing your own instruments, so you learned guitar. Sarah switched to keyboard from piano lessons. Jess took up drums and Heather decided on bass. Tiffany (or Tiff as she preferred) got her brother Jeff to teach her guitar and she turned out to be better than you so you became the lead singer. The girls all help you on backup vocals and sometimes Sarah takes the verses of songs that require a more soprano voice, just like Stevie Nicks and Christine McVie the two of you like to joke with each other.

By the end of your freshman year in high school, you and your girls had solidified yourselves as the Queens of Noise and were practicing every other day in Heather's garage (much to her parents' dismay). You all decided to enter the talent show again next year.

You thought Eddie might finally see your group as a proper band according to his standards since your friends would be playing the music for One Way or Another by Blondie while you sang. But all he said to you after the show was "Easy for you to get all the attention when they're stuck with all the hard work," motioning to your friends behind you before brushing passed you to the other guys.

So you decided you could start playing the second guitar part under Tiff on some of your songs.

After you played on stage for the county fair in 1985, The Hawkins Post wanted to write a story about the band. You found out at the after party Tiff was having, so of course naturally Eddie was there with Jeff and the other boys too.

"Remember us when you're famous," Gareth joked and the other boys congratulated you in some way, but Eddie's competitive nature compelled him to say "Of course they want to write about it, all you know how to play is the hippie shit everyone loves."

"Don't talk about Fleetwood Mac like that man," Kevin retorted in your defense.

You dismissed his comment, but decided you could start training your voice to sing more like Joan Jett and Cherie Currie anyway. It had always been obvious to your friends why you made the decisions you did, but they knew better than to bring it up.

You thought he might finally be impressed during your senior year when the Queens of Noise started playing at the Hideout on Thursday nights and you consistently had a bigger crowd than Corroded Coffin did on Tuesdays.

"No surprise that the drunks of Hawkins would rather watch a bunch of girls on stage than listen to real music," Eddie claimed.

He loved to taunt you over the songs you chose to play, insisting that his metalhead preferences were better than the covers you did of Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, The Runaways, Pat Benatar and Blondie.

Although you and Eddie would never call each other a "friend," you were nearly always around each other. You even had to endure two extra years of high school with him because he refused to apply himself to academics. Your bandmates had gotten close over the years, bonding naturally over shared interests and participating in healthy competition any opportunity you got. Eddie had a good relationship with all the girls except you, who appeared to be a perpetual thorn in his side. It was fine because he was the exact same to you.

The other members of your bands could still give their all to the band while supporting and cheering for the other but you and Eddie, both as stubborn as you are, could almost never put the aggression of competition aside.

Jeff and Tiff were close as siblings, Sarah and Gareth finally took their flirtation and secret hookups to the next step and told everyone they were dating in '86, and even Heather, Jess and Kevin were close because they lived in the same neighborhood. All of that was great, except that it meant you had to run in to Eddie all the time at parties, movies, or the other's shows.

"For someone who doesn't like me, it seems like you're one of our biggest fans," he'd mock you when they got off stage.

"I just came to keep Sarah company asshole," you respond with rolled eyes.

"Whatever you say Y/N," he'd joke as he walked away from you.

It seemed like you'd had a version of that conversation after every show you went to.

Just like going to their nights at the Hideout, you'd been roped in to many movie nights at Jeff and Tiff's house before, and stopped being surprised when often times Eddie would join as well. It typically ended with you two in some type of disagreement about the movie being good or not, since Eddie considered himself such a movie critic.

It wasn't always that bad though. Eddie is the type of guy who always noticed when your drink was empty and was quick to get you another. He'd stepped in several times to say "Hey man, she said she's not interested," when drunk assholes harassed one of you at the bar or parties. You noticed he would always seem to stick close by after something like that happened.

"A tad flat tonight babe," Eddie announced to you after forcing the heavy back door of the bar open to join you in the alley after a show one night.

"Not right now Eddie, I'm not in the mood," you attempted to brush him off.

"What's wrong, can't take a little constructive criticism?" he taunted.

You scoffed and turned your back to him, hoping he'd take the hint and leave you alone. But Eddie is not very good at leaving you alone.

He circled around to face you, dropping his head to meet your eyes when he noticed the smudged mascara under your lashes and clear glassiness in your eyes.

"Whoa whoa, what happened?" he said, bringing a hand to your shoulder. But you look away from him, unable to meet the concerned expression on his face.

When you don't answer, he jumped to conclusions.

"Did some asshole say something to you?" he questioned you, "other than me?"

How is it that he can make you laugh at a time like this? As small and delicate as your little laugh was, it shot something much stronger to Eddie's core.

All you could do was nod, feeling silly in his presence for letting something like that get to you. You noticed Eddie's jaw clench when he raised his head and turned it to look behind you toward the door.

"What guy? What's he wearing?" Eddie asked.

You didn't want to answer. You didn't want him to do something irrational or even get hurt because of you.

"No Eddie," you whispered.

"Tell me Y/N," he demanded.

"Okay, he's sitting at the end of the bar wearing a white collared shirt."

You'd barely finished before Eddie tore off in the direction of the bar. You stayed out there another minute or two collecting yourself and wiping your eyes clean of makeup.

To this day you're not certain what happened. But when you got back to the group, the guy at the end of the bar was gone, Eddie had a bag of ice from the bartender on his right hand, and your friends didn't say a word about it.

He punched a guy out once when he came on too strong to Jess after a gig and now you know he'd done the same for you even though the two of you barely ever saw eye to eye.

You found yourself in the smoke circle with Eddie at every party and he'd always let you take the first hit of a bowl. He'd let you bum a cigarette behind the bar or outside of school any time you asked and would light it for you sometimes even though you never once asked him to do that. The groups would get together to go to movies and concerts sometimes, all piling in to Eddie's van and carpooling to the city.

"Ah ah ah, what's she doing here?" Eddie asked, eyes darting to you. He can't resist an opportunity to torment you.

"Come on Eddie, you know Y/N's part of the group just as much as we are," Jess defends.

"I'm the one who told you all about this concert in the first place, Munson!" you argue.

"Can't you two please behave just for one night?" Gareth asks from his spot behind Sarah, head hanging over her shoulder. She nods in agreement.

You and Eddie hold eye contact for a few moments, considering all of your options.

"I will if he does," you bite as everyone begins to pile into the van.

The groups' eyes trail to where Eddie towers over you, watching from their seats in the back of the van.

"Fine," he answers, "after you," motioning for you to take a seat inside so he can close the back door. You move to climb in and can't help but gasp silently when you feel his hand under yours gently squeeze to help lift you into the van. But when you look back to him once you're seated, he's already slamming the door shut and turning his back to you to walk around to the driver's seat.

He left you alone the rest of the night, but there were a couple of times you shared quick glances from where you danced with the girls and he was standing behind the group nodding along to the music. You almost thought you could even make out a smile on his lips. But that was wiped from your memory the second he looked away from you and back to the stage.

Sometimes you could swear you caught him looking at you across the room with a look that wasn't hateful. Sometimes he even did things that sent a jolt of warmth to your stomach. But that was quickly diminished every time when Eddie would return his attention to another girl or say something that reminded you of his disdain for you. You tried so hard to ignore the pangs of jealousy when you saw him with someone under his arm or the flutters in your stomach when he held eye contact with you. All of it just added to your confusion and the frustration you felt towards him grew with every broken gaze.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

That brings you to tonight, Thursday at The Hideout. It's 7:45 and you're getting ready for your weekly show at 8:00. The stage is all set and you're backstage with your girls, putting final touches on makeup and warming up for the performance.

"Shit," you hear Tiff utter under her breath after a snap echoes through the small green room.

"What's wrong Tiff?" Heather asks from her place on the couch.

"My string broke," she announces, stress lacing her voice.

"Shit," the other girls repeat.

"I don't have any extras," Tiff says anxiously.

"Okay, okay, don't panic. I'll be right back," you announce on your way out of the door. You know Eddie's here and maybe he has some extras. You'll just be a little late on stage.

You make your way from the green room behind the stage, into the office and then out to the bar where Eddie is occupying a seat talking to the bartender.

"Eddie," you call out nervously as you approach him.

"Y/N," he returns tensely.

"Do you have any extra guitar strings with you?"

"Other than the ones that are strung to my electric, no. Sorry sweetheart."

"Fuck," you mutter under your breath, secretly shuttering at the nickname but turning away from him and leaning your elbows on the bar, attempting to come up with another solution.

Eddie eyes your slumped figure and brows that are furrowed in contemplation.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"Tiff's string broke and we're obviously supposed to be playing in a few," you motion to the stage.

"Ah, that is quite the pickle you're in," he teases you, his mind calculating what you'll ask him next.

You think of something and sigh, closing your eyes and bracing yourself for what you're about to ask.

"Eddie...." you begin.

"Yes dear?" he mocks.

"Can we borrow your electric guitar? Pretty please," you utter with monotone.

Eddie exhales, puffing his lips and eyeing you sarcastically.

"That's a pretty big favor to ask without a cherry on top," he jokes. "Ask me again like you mean it." He says with squinted eyes examining you. He loves having power over you, there's no way he'll relent this easy. He'll make you beg a little first because he's reveling in the pouty expression on your face right now.

"Eddie please," you swallow your pride and begin, "if you care about me in any way at all, can I pretty please with a cherry on top borrow your guitar that I know is in the back of your van right now anyway?"

He fake considers for a moment, prolonging your torture.

“And what makes you think I care about you?” he asks, seriously.

“You're right, nothing. I wouldn't dream of you having any type goodwill towards me," he smiles at your response, quite satisfied with it. "But if you like me even just a little. I mean, not like me. but if you think I deserve any amount of kindness - "

"What'll you give me if I do?" he interrupts.

"Anything!" you shout impulsively, "Anything you want." You regret that instantly while considering all of the things he could ask of you.

"Jesus Christ babe, yes if you're that desperate, you can borrow my guitar."

You sigh, relieved, trying to ignore the twisting feeling the pet name causes inside you. Eddie stands from his seat and moves past you to the door to go retrieve the guitar from his van.

You stand, slightly in place as you awe at the fact that you just successfully asked Eddie Munson for a favor, and he said yes.

"You okay in there there?" he asks from his place a few feet away from you, interrupting your thought and grabbing your attention with a small wave in front of your face.

"Yes, Munson, I'm fine," snapping back to your normal self and rolling your eyes at him.

Eddie smirks, he secretly loves when you call him that.

“Good. For a second there I thought you might be in love with me or something," he jokes before turning around to make his way out of the door.

You curse yourself for not being able to think of a witty response and wait by the bar for the few minutes it takes him to return.

He hands you the guitar. "If you return her with even a scratch - "

"I know I know, you'll have my head," you interrupt jokingly, as you grab the instrument from him and turn hurriedly to leave for the girls backstage, not thinking of the many ways he could interpret that.

You return his guitar the same night with no mention of what he wants for his payment. He'd briefly considered asking for a kiss just to torture you, but quickly decided against that thinking it would be too much like the creeps who hit on you girls at the bar all the time. Eddie was not actually interested in coercing you into anything.

So Eddie decided to drop it, not wanting to hold anything over your head or make you feel like you owe him anything.

But a few days later, he opened his van door to find the new Dio and Judas Priest tapes he'd been wanting from the music store but hadn't bought yet with a note that simply said "thank you," in your scribbly writing that he recognized from class. You'd noticed him eyeing those tapes during your shift at the store and thought two tapes with your employee discount was the least you could do to thank him for saving your show.

Eddie smiles to himself at the thought of you doing something nice for him, even going as far as breaking in to his van to keep it a surprise. He chuckles to himself, thinking how out of character it was for you to do something sweet for him. Maybe, he thought, she feels the same. But he dismisses the thought as soon as it enters his mind. No, we're just even now. Nothing's changed, returning to his normal train of thought and strengthening his resolve to continue treating you as he always has.

Neither one of you ever bring it up again, but you have hope that maybe things are different between you now.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

The following Saturday was special because the band that was scheduled to play at The Hideout canceled and Sarah and Gareth convinced the owner to let Corroded Coffin and The Queens of Noise play back to back to fill in.

It was a big deal for both groups. You'd been playing Tuesdays and Thursdays for years, but a Saturday is different. Saturdays are for big groups, sometimes even from other cities. There's always a bigger crowd and one of the bands who used to play on Saturdays at The Hideout are on a small nationwide tour now.

Best of all, you'd be able to be there for each other's big moments front and center on the floor while the other group played on stage.

You and the girls practiced every day after work in preparation and even agreed to skip work the Friday before to finalize the details and make sure everything was clean and perfect. You all agreed on your strongest songs and put together a set you were really proud of. You were even going to debut a Blondie song that you've put your own spin on to see how the crowd likes it.

On Saturday, you and the others all arrived in the afternoon to begin setting up and warming up. You shared the green room backstage and it felt like any other night you all got together at Jeff and Tiff's. Gareth and Sarah were draped over each other on the couch, Jeff was playing some card game with Kevin and Heather, Tiff was tuning her guitar in the corner with Eddie who was strumming along to something, and you were sat at the vanity with Jess, sharing a joint for your nerves and deciding when to start your makeup and hair.

"Let me get a hit of that please," Tiff requests and so you bring the joint to her in the corner, holding it to her lips. After she takes a drag, you offer it to Eddie and he accepts quietly with a raise of his eyebrows. You let him keep it because you figure he'll want more than just on hit.

The boys were scheduled to start at 8:00 and then you would follow them at 9:00.

It was 7:00 when you broke the silent calm that had fallen over the room.

"Shouldn't we do a toast or something?" you suggest, "I mean this is kind of a huge fucking deal." You can't help the nervous laugh that falls from your lips after the realization hits you.

"We should," Jeff agrees, "we're playing a FUCKING SATURDAY SHOW!"

The group erupts in shouts, hollering cheers and praise for the situation you've found yourselves in.

"Okay then let's circle up," Sarah says as she jumps off the couch, pulling her arms around the two standing closest to her.

The nine of you circle up in the middle of the room, wrapping arms around each other and huddling together. Eddie stands across from you, gazing down at your excitement as he pops the cork out of the complimentary bottle of champagne left for your group and spraying the foam over all of you in the center of the circle.

"We all drink," he declares, pulling the bottle to his lips and taking a long pull of the lukewarm wine before dropping his head back down and returning his gaze to you.

He extends his arm, handing you the bottle. You accept it with an appreciative smile and take your pull.

"To...." Eddie begins, unsure of how to make a toast. "To us!" he shouts when you take your drink.

"To us!" the others chant in chorus.

"To us," you say when you finish your sip and pass the bottle to Gareth on your right.

Everyone passed the the bottle until it was empty, and then it was time for the boys to go on stage.

While the boys played, you and the girls were front and center to the stage moving to the music with each other and getting the crowd excited. You usually sang along but tonight you were trying to resist the urge so you could save your voice. Their music buzzed through the amps and speakers plugged in around them, vibrating in your chest. You danced and swayed with your friends to get yourself warmed up for your show.

The stage at The Hideout is just a platform that's elevated about three feet. If you're standing at the front of the crowd, you're still close enough in height to whoever's on stage that you can interact, something you've taken advantage of many times in the past while on stage and in the crowd.

From your angle below, the boys were backlit by the stage lights and covered in a warm halo that illuminated their forms. You couldn't deny how beautiful Eddie looked on stage. A natural performer, a personality that shined up there. You secretly ached at the thought that he seemed sweet and flirty with everyone but you.

The boys were great during their set. Of course they always were. But you enjoyed tonight more than any other night because it felt like they all were glad that you were there. There was such little animosity coming from Eddie that you almost thought he wanted you to be there instead of just accepting your presence. You even caught his glance a few times from your place below them.

During their last song, you had to leave the crowd and get backstage to take their place, but you were able to see the last song from the side stage. Gareth and Jess and agreed to use the same drum set, so all you had to do was walk out with your instruments, get Sarah's keyboard, and adjust the mics to be ready.

Suddenly you were wracked with nerves.

After their last song, you all cheered and whistled at the top of your lungs from the side stage so they could hear you over the rest of the crowd. You saw Gareth blow a kiss to Sarah and a blush creep up Kevin's neck.

"Thank you," you hear Eddie on the mic. "We are Corroded Coffin." Another cheer from the crowd. "Now please welcome our Queens of Noise."

Our Queens of Noise.

The possession in Eddie's words rung in your ears and froze you in place.

The boys were approaching you as they exited the stage. Kevin patted Heather's back in encouragement, Jeff hugged Tiff off the ground and told her to get out there, Gareth did his handshake with Jess before twirling Sarah off the ground and setting her down with a kiss.

Eddie spun Heather around and then moved toward you. He was glistening with a thin layer of sweat and his smile was contagious. His chest was heaving with breath and his delicious musky smell surrounded you as he casually enveloped your head in one of his arms and whispered "your turn" against the top of your head. Then you felt him release your head and his other hand on the small of your back nudged you forward. He was so relaxed, as if this was not the first time he's ever embraced you.

Yeah, things were definitely different now.

You took a step forward and shook off the surprise that had overcome you.

You were on fire during your set. You could feel your diaphragm tighten in your stomach as your sang deep, bellowing notes. In between your verses or the chorus, you'd dance back to back with Heather or Tiff, twirl and sway in the middle of the stage, shimmy to Jess in the back on drums and blow kisses to Sarah at her place on keys. Your stage presence was something you were proud of.

You noticed the boys squeeze their way to the front of the stage with their drinks during the third song, all nodding along and praising you all in their own boyish way. You think this is probably the closest Eddie's ever watched one of your gigs, and try to act unfazed by his closeness.

The last song of the set was your new one. You'd only sang it in rehearsal. Never in front of a crowd and never in front of Eddie.

You took a few deep steadying breaths before nodding at Tiff to begin her riff. You nodded along to the beat from her, Heather and Jess, closed your eyes and took a breath before singing the first line.

Once had love and it was a gas. It soon turned out, I had a heart of glass.

The crowd responded well, singing along and screaming for you.

You heard a loud whoop from Jeff with hands cuffed around his mouth and even a shout from Eddie.

During the break when Sarah took over with a keyboard solo, you take a moment to breathe and dance to the music from your friends around you. Below you, the boys were passing out shots and you notice Eddie raising one above his head, intended for you.

You squat to his level to accept it, offering him a quick clink as a cheers before standing, knocking back the shot, and jumping back in for the rest of the song.

Eddie thinks it might be the hottest thing he's ever seen. He swallows a gulp that rose in his chest and exhales deeply.

The crowd erupts into a chorus of cheers and praise on your last note and you inhale sharply to regain your breath. You smile into the mic and say thank you to the people in front of you. You gather with the other girls in the middle of the stage and bow while they cheer for you before turning to exit the stage.

Eddie calls your name from where he's standing by the corner of the stage as you walked down the stairs on the side.

You walk over to him, your heart pounding from the adrenaline in your system from the show and also from the look Eddie was giving you. He looked so good standing there with the stage light behind him and rush from their set still evident in his eyes. Maybe this is it, you think.

He exhales as you approach him like he had been holding his breath.

"That was great," he admits, his eyes taking in your chest rising and falling with heavy breaths and your post-stage glow.

"Yeah right Eddie," you scoff, rolling your eyes and turning away from him towards the bar. You're so used to his insults that you can't even register him being sincere.

He catches your wrist and spins you back toward him. You collide with him, bringing your free hand to his chest to steady yourself and look down to where he is holding your wrist between your bodies.

"I'm serious," he breathes, eyes trained down at where you stand pressed against him.

He towers over you with a look in his eyes that you don't recognize. Your breath hitches in your throat and you can't think of what to say.

"You were amazing up there tonight," he continues, "I couldn't take my eyes off of you."

Your lips part at his words and your insides twist. Every thought has left your brain as you stare up at him. His eyes are so inviting that it makes you forget all the things you'd planned to say to him for years when he finally admitted that you impressed him. Your gaze falls to his lips just for a second and you allow yourself a selfish moment to indulge as you imagine what he would taste like if you leaned in and just kissed him right now.

Your fallen eyes don't go unnoticed by Eddie.

Eddie begins to dip his lower to you when you're interrupted.

"Y/N, come on, the boys are buying us a round," Sarah says from behind you before crashing clumsily into your back, placing her arms on your waist and peeking around your shoulder to kiss your cheek, completely missing Eddie's expression and the moment that was unfolding in front of her.

She pulls you back and your wrist is freed from Eddie's grasp but you don't break your eye contact with him until she spins you around to face Heather, Tiff, and Jess who came along to collect you.

"What was that about?" Heather whispers in your ear as you're pulled into the group's embrace.

"I don't know," you whisper in response. But you think you might.

"He looked like he was going to eat you up," Tiff jokes, well aware of the implications in her tone.

You secretly wished he would. But you swallowed that feeling into your stomach, convincing yourself that there was no way he felt that way about you.

The girls giggle around you as they make their way to the bar to celebrate. You accepted drink after drink handed to you that night, but you weren't able to fully celebrate. Not when Eddie didn't follow you back to the group. Not when Eddie had looked at you that way. Not when you weren't sure what you were feeling in your stomach. Not when you could be putting yourself in the most vulnerable place you've been in in years. And especially not when you could be exposing yourself to someone who you're certain couldn't return the feelings you're having.

You didn't see much of Eddie after that Saturday at The Hideout. You went to your job at the music store every day thinking he may turn up, but he never did. He gave you the cold shoulder on his way out of the door when you tried to say something to him at their show on Tuesday and he wasn't at yours that Thursday. Avoiding you, you thought to yourself and tried to swallow the feeling that it elicited from your gut. Of course he was. How could you have been so stupid to hope something was there?

What you didn't know is that Eddie was hiding from you, worried that he'd revealed too much to you that night at The Hideout. Part of him wanted to reveal more to you. But he wasn't even sure himself what he felt for you. So until he figured it out, he was doing the safe thing and staying away from you. Except this coming Thursday because he agreed to cover for the bartender at the bar, so there's no way he could skip your show.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

You went back and forth between being certain the way he'd looked at you after the show was out of desire and thinking the way he was holding your wrist firmly was out of hating having to admit that you put on a good show. But either way, the taste you'd had having of him close to you was not enough.

So when Sarah told you at Sunday's practice in Heather's garage that the boys would definitely be at your show on Thursday, you couldn't help but ask "all of them?" sheepishly.

"I think so, why?" she asks, giving you a probing smile with raised eyebrows.

"No reason," you shrug off. "Think you ladies would be up to learning a new song for Thursday?"

They agree, exchanging knowing glances to each other as they took their places.

On Thursday, you arrived through the back of the bar so you didn't see Eddie until you were on stage. You could feel his eyes on you from his spot behind the bar but you refused to lift your gaze to him. He'd been giving you the cold shoulder for over a week and two could play at that game. Besides, your song choices for the night were bold and you thought you might chicken out if you saw anything in his eyes that changed your mind.

You sang I Hate Myself for Loving You and it meant more to you tonight than it ever had before. Your past relationships and meaningless hookups never once crossed your mind when that song came on, but one stupid tall metalhead with stupid brown button eyes and stupid long hair that you want to run your fingers through flashes through your mind every time you've heard it for weeks now.

Jess started playing the beat for your last song and you took a deep breath as you closed your eyes and felt the music surround you. Tiff came in on guitar while Heather and Sarah kept a steady bass line that you're certain was the only thing keeping your heartbeat regular.

We've been here too long, tryin' to get along. Pretending that you're oh so shy, you begin to sing.

You glanced at Eddie behind the bar who was watching you. You wondered if he recognized it yet and if his heart was racing like yours was at the sight of him.

Do you wanna touch, Do you wanna touch, Do you wanna touch me there? Where? There. Yeah! Yeah, oh yeah.

You have to hold the mic with both hands and screw your eyes shut to will yourself to finish the song without looking in Eddie's direction again. When you were done, you said "that's all for tonight, thank you" to your crowd and you quickly exited the stage.

While the other girls went the bar immediately for the post-show shot tradition, you took the opportunity to sneak out back for a quick cigarette, desperate for a moment alone to catch your breath before facing Eddie.

But of course he doesn't allow you that favor.

Eddie watched your attempt at a sneaky escape and followed you out after pouring the other girls their shots on the house and making sure there was no one else at the bar for drinks.

You were standing to the right of the door with your back to the wall when he came out, you had a joint hanging loosely from your lips while you clumsily searched in your pockets for a lighter. You'd realized in seconds that you didn't have one, but you were still using that as your excuse not to look up at him.

Eddie reached his arm to you with his lit zippo, raising it to your lips. You leaned in with your hands cupping the end of the joint, allowing the flame to light it and take a deep hit immediately.

You finally lift your eyes to meet Eddie's. He's staring hot daggers in to you. You swallow the feeling growing in your throat, becoming acutely aware that neither of you have said anything yet.

"You sing that just for me?" Eddie asks, taking a dangerous step closer to you.

"What?"

Eddie tilts his head in frustration, squinting his eyes at you. Annoyed, he snatches the joint from in between your lips and tosses it to the ground, ashing it with his toe. He can't believe the capacity you have to bother him.

"You heard me," he says, bending at his hips so he's eye to eye with you, lifting his hands to either side of your face and caging you into the wall.

Your breath hitches in your throat. Your insides twist into a knot and your legs feel like they're melting. He hovers above you, your lips only parted by a few inches. His face is tilted towards you and he's drinking you in, reveling in the way your eyes fluttered shut and your chest began to heave.

"I," you whisper unsurely. "Yes, I did."

"And yes I do," Eddie breathes before moving forward, admitting the answer to the question you were asking with your song and crashing into your lips.

He brings his left hand to cradle your cheek and uses his right to grab your waist and pin you to the wall. You ball his shirt in your fists to pull him flush against you before reaching your arms to rest on his shoulders and wrap around him, sending one hand to the nape of his neck and feeling his hair between your fingers.

"God, I hate you," you whimper as Eddie breaks from your lips to suck sloppy kisses into your neck.

"No you don't," he murmurs with confidence just below your ear before returning to your lips.

"No I don't," you repeat into his lips.

You part your lips for him, allowing Eddie to slip his tongue inside. "You drive me fucking crazy Y/N," he utters into your mouth and you mewl in response.

His tongue moves smoothly with yours and he tastes like the shot of whiskey that he took just before following you out here. He was warm against you, both your chests breathing heavily between you. Eddie trails his hands all over your body in exploration. You wondered if he could feel your heartbeat with how hard it was fluttering against your ribcage.

You realized what you felt pushing against your stomach is his hardened cock swollen against his jeans and you moan into his mouth, clenching your thighs together at the thought of him filling you up and becoming aware of the wetness pooling between your legs.

The noise drives Eddie wild. He reaches down, sweeping his large hand down your waist, over your hip and to the back of your thigh. He grips the dough of your thigh and hikes it up, hooking it around his middle and lining your warm center up with his throbbing erection. You gasp at the sudden friction you didn't realize you were aching for. It's just a taste of what he could give you. You feel his lips pull into a smile against yours, knowing the effect he's having on you. You consider giving in to him, right here.

Your mind races with possibilities.

Have I felt this way all along? Has he?

Is this how it will be from now on? Does he want that too?

What if he doesn't? He definitely doesn't. He doesn't know how much it would mean to you.

What if it's just this one time? You'd never survive that.

"Wait," you say, breaking your kiss and catching your breath. Eddie rests his forehead against yours, ready to jump back in whenever you're ready. "I can't."

"Why not baby?" he whispers against your lips, hot breath fanning over you.

Baby. It sends a fluttering to your stomach. Your heart aches. You want him.

"I'm scared Eddie." Your eyes are closed.

"Scared of me?" He pulls away and straightens in front of you.

"No," you open your eyes to see the pained expression that paints his face. You want to kiss it off. You bring your hand to cup his cheek and he leans in to it. "I'm just really scared of getting hurt," you feebly admit. Eddie is silent for a moment. You pull your hand from his cheek and hug it to your middle. His silence scares you and he stays silent for just a second too long. You turn to the direction of the parking lot and take one step, then another.

"No I would never - " he tries to assure you but he was a second too late. You're already walking away from him.

When Eddie returned inside without you, he was met with the barrage of worried faces of his friends.

"Where's Y/N?" Jess asked, stating the thing that was obviously on everyone's mind from the kissed out look of Eddie's lips that were swollen and stained slightly with the color you'd been wearing.

"She uh..." Eddie trailed off with his face turned to the side, unable to meet the concerned looks in their eyes. "She left."

A choir of questions sprang from their mouths.

"She left?" Heather asked quietly, dread tugging in her stomach knowing something must have happened.

"What did you do to her man?" Jeff asked at the same time.

But Eddie didn't answer. He knocked back a shot from the bar and walked away from the group, the sting of rejection still too fresh inside him to discuss it any further with the group while he was fighting the negative feels rising in his gut.

The group watched as he approached a table of girls across the room, and couldn't help the groans that they sighed out in unison with rolled eyes, realizing how completely unprepared they were for the fallout that was sure to follow Eddie's agonizing attempt to nurse his ego.

You drove home in tears, shaking from the sudden absence of Eddie you felt and sickness churning your stomach as you played the events back in your head. The shock eventually wore off and your tears slowed to a stop, but the nausea remained until you fell asleep that night, unsure if you did the right thing or made the biggest mistake of your life.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

You called out of work the next day, allowing yourself one day to wallow in self pity since you were now leaning more towards thinking you made a huge mistake. It seemed like your lips still tingled from the pressure of his kiss, your body felt hollow without his touch and you longed to feel it again. Your heart ached every time your mind betrayed you and flashed the memory of his wounded expression through your mind.

It wasn't until Saturday morning that the girls showed up to your house, forcing themselves in to confront your sullen state. You were asleep when they opened your door.

Heather climbed into bed beside you and mirrored your position on your side, bringing her forehead to yours and tracing a soft finger down your nose to wake you up.

Jess sat at the edge of your bed with a caring hand placed on your exposed calf and Sarah hovered behind her with her head hung over Jess's shoulder.

You took count of your friends as your blurry vision cleared before realizing one was missing, rolling over on your back to see Tiff with her head hung low to meet your eyes and hands on her hip. "Good morning," she greeted briefly, "now spill."

You sat up a scooted closer to Heather, making room for Tiff to slide into bed on your other side. Sarah and Jess sat at the foot of your bed, crossed legged and facing you, both clutching one of your excess pillows for comfort.

It feels like you've been in a variation of this arrangement a hundred times before, either cuddling or being cuddled by your girls while you or the other works out their problem. It feels the same as it has since you were little girls. Like nothing has changed in the decade you've all been taking turns crowding into each others rooms, only this time something has changed. Something huge.

You don't hate Eddie Munson at all. You love him.

You were afraid that he wouldn't feel the same, that he'd only planned to be with you once and things we be the same between you after.

But now you were more afraid of never having him at all.

When the girls left, you decided you'd suppress your fear and just call him. But when you heard to the dial tone for the eighth time, you hung up with a huff and looked up to your ceiling to choke back the tears that threatened to fall.

On Monday, you knew that he'd be at Gareth's for their practice. Sarah gave you the number for his garage phone and when you called, Gareth answered.

"Hello?" Gareth asked on the other end, kindness always evident in his voice.

"Gareth hey, it's Y/N."

"Y/N?" he asked, thoroughly surprised.

"Yeah," you said with your eyes screwed shut, "listen, is Eddie there?"

"Eddie?" Gareth asks, and you can hear him shift on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah," you say, embarrassed while you wait.

You hear unclear whispering in the receiver, mumbling from definitely more than one person.

"Um, sorry Y/N," Gareth returns, his voice dripping with uncertainty, "he's not here."

You gulp down the lump in your throat, knowing there's no way he's not there.

"Okay," you sigh, defeated. "Would you just let him know I called?"

"Yeah, I'll tell him you called."

"Thanks Gareth." And you hang up.

You thought about going to their show Tuesday, but the dread that filled you when the time came was enough to keep you away. If he was avoiding you, you didn't want to make it worse by forcing him to see you. Not yet.

So on the next Saturday when you saw Eddie passing in front of the music store window during your shift to get to Family Video next door, you blinked first to make sure you weren't imaging it. But before you could understand it, your legs seemed to be carrying you towards him while your brain was yelling at you to turn around.

You ran quickly from behind the counter, leaving customers alone in the store and you threw open the door, flying out of it and running after him before he could get inside the other store.

"Eddie!" you shout at his back.

He pauses, shoulders tense in his leather jacket as he stands up straight. He hesitates for a few seconds, making you afraid that he won't turn around at all.

But he does. And the stony look on his face makes you wish he hadn't. His brows are knitted together in a furrow and his lips are pushed together in a tight line.

"What do you want?" Eddie says, so calm that it unnerves you.

When you don't answer right away, he shakes his head slightly and sticks a hand out like you're inconveniencing him.

"Something you want to say?" he asks, his eyes staring at you, annoyed by your silence.

"Yeah, I.." you choke on your words.

"You what Y/N?" Eddie scolds, his eyes squinted at you the way they used to when he looked at you. Before. "Your stash running low? Need to buy an ounce? Someone's instrument is broken and you need to borrow one? Your car's not starting and I need to fix it?" His tone is getting more and more exasperated.

You can't form any words. All you can do is stand there and accept him berating you. His words hurt and your lower lip begins to tremble.

"Because unless it's one of those things, I don't know what you could possibly be talking to me for."

When Eddie finishes, he turns and walks away. You exhale and a tear spills over your eyelashes and down your cheek.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

"He hates me," you say on the phone to Sarah when you get back behind the counter at work.

"I don't know, Y/N I think maybe he's just hurt you know?" Sarah attempts to soothe.

You disagree.

"Listen Y/N," you hear Gareth say distantly in the receiver before a shuffle on the other end. "I've known Eddie a long time okay?" His voice becomes more clear. "And he's not very good at this kind of thing. He'd much rather avoid his problems than deal with them and right now that's you."

"Oh thanks a lot Gareth, I feel so much better," you joke.

"Not his problem," he says. "I mean... the problem is he feels rejected, like you don't feel the same about him."

You heart drops.

"What do you mean the same about him?" you scream.

"Shit," Gareth curses under his breath, "I've said too much."

"You're gonna have to say a little more," you threaten.

"Well, we all know it, Y/N" Gareth explains, "he's always teased you and stuff because he loves to get a rise out of you. I can tell he has feelings for you. The whole hating you thing was always an act because he got off on the wrong foot when we were kids and he kept it up because didn't know what else to do."

You can't believe what you're hearing. His words ring in your ears like a squealing amp and your breathing picks up.

"Oh my god," you whisper, dropping the phone while you try to grasp what Gareth has just told you.

"Gareth, why the hell have you never told me that?" you faintly hear Sarah reprimand him on the other end of the phone.

"Um, okay okay," you catch back up, "Gareth can you please just make sure he comes to our set on Thursday?"

"I don't know, it'll be really hard to convince him."

"Just do it!" you and Sarah yell in unison before you slam the receiver down.

You know what you have to do. You lost your words when you tried to talk to him so you just have to find someone who's already written the words for you.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

When Thursday came, you were hopeful things might work out. You took deep breaths in the mirror as you got dressed for your show at The Hideout. You were sure of your feelings now and you'd make Eddie see, one way or another.

Gareth came to you and Sarah on Monday to say that there was no way in hell he could get Eddie to the entire show on Thursday, so you devised a plan to get him there in time for the last two songs. So you knew you had to make the last two count.

You'd felt like you were floating through the entire day, like a puppet going through the steps of a routine, legs carrying you places without you thinking about it.

So when you found yourself in the green room before your set, the gravity of the situation finally started to set in as time inched closer and closer. Your stomach twisted into knots and your mouth went dry.

The girls noticed the shift in your spirit immediately and came to you with hugs and enough encouragement that your doubt was replaced again and you felt good enough to take the stage.

Your set went by in what felt like just a few minutes. You had your normal crowd at the tables and some in the standing space in front of the stage, including the three attending boys of Corroded Coffin. You silently wished time to slow down, you were so nervous for what was coming. So when you were playing your fifth song, Sarah nodded to Gareth who snuck away to the phone.

He dialed Eddie's number from memory and waited eagerly for an answer.

"Hello?" his friend answered. Gareth let out a sigh of relief.

"Hey man," Gareth began, "Do you think you could come get me and the boys? Jeff's car isn't starting."

"Uh yeah I guess, where are you?" It was a dumb question. He knew where they were.

"The Hideout," Gareth said with eyes closed and teeth gritted in suspense as he waited for Eddie's answer.

"Shit, it's Thursday isn't it?" Eddie cursed into the receiver.

"Yeah man, but they're almost done with the set so you don't have to stay or anything. And we'll wait outside for you," Gareth lied. He was trying to time it perfectly for Eddie to arrive for the last two songs and have to come inside when they weren't waiting outside for him.

"Alright alright, I'm leaving now."

"Thanks man, see you in a few," Gareth silently celebrated in place as he hung up the phone and made his way back to his friends for the last of your set.

It was almost perfect. You looked around the room but didn't see Eddie when Jess tapped the count off for Heaven Is a Place on Earth with her sticks and you had to start singing the first chorus. You try to ignore the worry that he won't come growing inside you and sing the song, closing your eyes for the first verse.

When the night falls down I wait for you, and you come around.

When you finished the first verse, you opened your eyes and see him. He was standing at the very back of the room with his back against the wall. It looked like he had just walked into the door and he wasn't planning on coming any closer. He kept his lips pulled together in a tight line, his head head slouching against the wall and he looked at you through hooded eyes.

You smiled as you continued the song, happy that your plan had worked. You couldn't help yourself and met his gaze as you sang baby, I was afraid before but I'm not afraid anymore, hoping he understood to true meaning behind the lyrics.

When the song ended, Gareth followed your gaze and saw Eddie standing at the back of the room. Eddie met his eyes and gestures for him to get the others and leave. Gareth is shaking his head rapidly at Eddie, refusing to leave. You knew you had to act fast.

You cleared your throat into the mic. Eddie stops motioning to Gareth and his attention snaps back to you.

"We have one more for you tonight, and it's new for us but I'm sure you'll recognize it." You pause for a few cheers from the audience. "It's um... for someone special who made it tonight," you murmur into the mic. "I hope they know who they are." The room falls mostly silent, spare a few whispers you can hear among the crowd.

"I think maybe a few of you do," you joke into the mic, hearing comfortable laughter fill the room. And with that, you nod at Tiff to begin the music.

There's a few seconds of music before you have to come in with lyrics, so you use them to take deep breaths and when you glance at Eddie, you notice he's already moved a little closer. There's no going back now, you think. So you close your eyes and start singing.

Tonight, I want to give it all to you. In the darkness, there's so much I want to do. And tonight, I want to lay it at your feet. 'Cause boy, I was made for you and boy, you were made for me.

You looked up to see that Eddie has moved to his friends and he's watching you. His expression has slightly softened and you think you can maybe even see a grin painting his face in the dim light.

I was made for lovin' you, baby. You were made for lovin' me. And I can't get enough of you, baby. Can you get enough of me?

You sing directly to him, holding his gaze that's he's trying to intimidate you with. He won't win because you're not scared anymore. He's the first to break your eye contact, turning his head when Jeff nudges him and he begins nodding along with his friends.

Tonight, I want to see it in your eyes, feel the magic, there's something that drives me wild. And tonight, we're gonna make it all come true. 'Cause boy, you were made for me and boy, I was made for you.

You continued singing, moving your body to the music on stage for him, but your eyes never wandered far from where he stood in front of you.

Eddie exhaled the breath he was holding in, giving in to his weakness for you as he watched your electricity on stage. Someone passed him a shot. He downed it without even stopping to ask what it was, smiling at the stranger and thanking them. He needed it for his nerves. He was not sure what he was going to do when you finished singing.

I was made for lovin' you, baby. You were made for lovin' me And I can give it all to you, baby. Can you give it all to me?

You draw out your last note slightly, and breathe deep with a heaving chest when your song ends. You smile at the applause, lower your head back to the clapping crowd and see Eddie weaving his way through the people to the front of the crowd at the stage, to you.

Your heart thumps at the sight of him coming towards you. Just as he approaches the stage, you bend at your knees and come down closer to his level. You're hovering just inches above him at this height, his head is turned up only slightly to meet your eyes.

Neither of you say anything as the crowded room is cheering around you. Eddie stares at you from his place beneath you and the heat flushes you, pink rising from your chest and into your neck.

Almost instinctively, Eddie surges forward and you meet him without second thought, bringing your empty hands to either side of his face.

You kiss him with desperation, as if you could kiss away the agony of the last week, as if you didn't kiss him like this he would disappear from in front of you forever, like this is your last chance.

The crowd erupts around you, cheers and shouting and applause filling the room. It causes you both to break your kiss because of the huge smile that spreads on both your faces.

"You sing that just for me?" Eddie breathes against you.

"Yes."

"You mean it?" he asks in disbelief.

"Every word," you promise, planting a sweet kiss to his lips as his insides burn up with your love.

Then you feel his hands reach up and grab your ribs. He applies the slightest pressure, telling you to jump, that he'll catch you. And he does. You wrap both arms around his neck and Eddie pulls you off the stage effortlessly. He lowers you with firm hands on your ribcage to straddle your legs around his tall frame and keep your lips trained on him the entire time.

"Yeah you're welcome!" Jeff shouts.

"See you later then? We'll just pack up here!" Jess yells from stage with sarcasm.

"It's about fucking time!"

The whistling and catcalling you hear behind you grow more and more distant as Eddie walks you to the closest door, unwilling to waste another second without his hands all over you. You lift one hand from its place on his back to give them all the bird.

You can thank them later.

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