#she was even the reason i ended up accidentally chasing jenny

[sarahlancashire]

i realised that on my last reblog i forgot some things! also i was forced to omit a few things bc i ran out of tag space oops ("nobody cares, lamorna" - shut up i need to document this correctly)

so let's explain:

saw belinda lang in present laughter (also saw serena evans in that!! and david from cold feet robert bathurst, but he's less important to me); the reluctant debutante (also saw jane asher in it!!); and single spies

old times: met kristin scott thomas, saw lia williams + rufus sewell

the audience: met helen mirren + haydn gwynne (this was also the day when i chased jenny agutter accidentally, and i saw anne reid + stephen tompkinson going through the stage door)

passion play: met sam bond, zoe wanamaker, and lyndsey marshal (she wasn't in the play, she was just there with zoe), saw owen teale

the weir: saw dervla kirwan, met ardal o'hanlon + brian cox

private lives: met anna chancellor

the importance of being earnest: met cherie lunghi + nigel havers

relatively speaking (i went to an ayckbourn play for felicity. this is true love and dedication) met felicity kendal

the national theatre masterclasses: went to penelope wilton + david hare's one, saw them (saw penelope out front beforehand!!), met penelope afterwards

also went to amelia bullmore's masterclass, along w lots of my lovely mutuals 💖; we all met her and talked to her at length

kiss me, kate: saw hannah waddingham

guys and dolls: saw sophie thompson, and phyllida law (her + emma's mother) was in the audience

a damsel in distress: saw summer strallen

mrs. pat: saw penelope keith

oklahoma!: saw josie lawrence (also saw her + paul merton at the comedy store one time)

me and my girl: saw caroline quentin, also matt lucas

fleetwood mac: i've seen them live twice, once with chris mcvie

once there was an event that a choir my mum + i used to be in were invited to sing at, and a lot of the other performers / organisers were famous people: julie graham was one of the organisers, so i saw her, alison moyet was performing (i'd already been to one of her concerts, but not met her yet), so i met her then (she hugged me!!!!) and emma kennedy was there bc she and alf are best friends so i stood near her awkwardly; and caitlin moran was also a speaker so i saw her (backstage and onstage) too; and my mum spoke to her

my mum once won tickets to see a bbc show being filmed, and it happened to be upstart crow (you don't choose what you see, you just get allocated something by the bbc people), so we were on set with david mitchell, liza tarbuck, gemma whelan

i've told the story of being caught in the fire w the new tricks actors + sarah beeny SO many times, but i will tell it again if anyone else wants to hear it

comedians/-ennes i've seen live: ed byrne (twice), alan davies, omid djalili, rich hall (i wasn't that keen on seeing omid or rich but my mum made us all go with her and they were better than i'd expected them to be), zoe lyons, tim vine

and finally: i live in the same town as dave benson phillips (of get your own back, british blue's clues, various other children's television), and he used to be (might still be, for all i know) the next door neighbour of a family friend, so i met him at a party at their house once as a child

[coraniaid]

For the director's commentary: Sending a ⭐

Thanks!

One thing I feel I haven’t talked about much before is Chapter 8, which is the chapter where …

Well, spoilers for Coexist below the cut (for Chapter 8, but also right up to the end).

This is the chapter where Diana Dormer dies.

(It’s also the chapter where Spike dies, of course, but – within the context of this AU – Spike is not particularly important.  It’s important that Faith’s Watcher is killed by a vampire that Buffy had the chance to stop earlier, which limits the options quite a bit.  And I think it’s necessary for the plot that the vampire who kills her doesn’t survive – or I felt it would be hard to justify Faith not leaving town to chase after him – but this isn’t really a story about Spike.) 

But Diana’s death is of course a big turning point in the story.  This was probably the chapter I was most nervous about posting, and – while it’s a little hard to be sure, given how AO3’s feedback systems and culture of commenting work – I’m pretty sure quite a few people stopped reading the story at this point. And that’s a shame: I feel sorry that I wasted those people’s time.  I’m glad that most people who made it this far seem to have liked it, but I realize that to some readers it might seem like a nasty surprise.  An unlooked-for twist purely for shock value.

Part of me wishes I could make it clearer at the start that the Major Character Death warning isn’t just for the characters who die before the story begins.  Maybe I could have been more explicit in the tags. But equally that feels a bit manipulative, because this isn’t really an Anyone Can Die affair.  The point specifically is that Faith and Buffy are the same, so Diana has to die to parallel the fact that Giles died.  Both Buffy and Faith have to go through the same experience of losing a Watcher and blaming themselves for the loss.  (Also, Diana’s death lets the Cruciamentum and Allan Finch’s death play out in ways I don’t think they could otherwise.)

Actually, over the course of the story, fewer people die than in canon.  One of the rules I gave myself for this AU, very early on in drafting/planning it, was that (other than Giles and Angel), nobody human was allowed to die if in canon they survived the season.  And moreover, I knew I wanted Harmony and Larry to survive Graduation Day, and I knew I wanted Debbie and Mr. Platt to survive Beauty and the Beasts.

There are a couple of reasons for that: one is that … well, I guess I’ve always been a bit irritated by the fact that these characters die in canon, and nobody ever really seems to care.  But the other is that I wanted to have Faith not working with the Mayor to actually have positive consequences for people other than her and Buffy.  I wanted the fact that Faith is there alongside Buffy on Graduation Day to mean that things go better than they did in the show.

For me, the appeal of this sort of alternate continuity is to create a situation where neither this version of Buffy or the canon version would particularly want to trade places with one another.  So yes, this Buffy loses Giles and Angel, but she gets to save Jenny and Mr. Platt..  This version of Buffy gets to go to Northwestern, but that means she doesn’t get to stay in Sunnydale with Willow and Xander.  This version of Buffy doesn’t have to try to kill Faith, but that’s (in part) because she’s the one to accidentally kill Allan Finch.  Is this version of Buffy happier than the Buffy of canon?  I don’t know. I just know I don't want the answer to be obvious.

And if Diana is going to die, I don’t think it could happen much earlier than this.  Diana is … well, pretty much the closest thing to an original character in this story.  (Even her name, which comes from the tie-in novel Go Ask Malice, isn’t really canon, as I understand it.)  All we know about Faith’s Watcher, in the show, is that she was a woman and (implicitly, maybe, if we take Faith literally) that she was older than Giles.  We know Faith saw her die, but after Faith, Hope & Trick, she’s never mentioned again.  

So while we can infer that losing her Watcher when she did is a big part of why Faith is the way she is, we can’t really care about her Watcher’s death.  (Indeed, as far as some of the show's writers are concerned later, Faith only ever had Wesley as a Watcher.) But I wanted Diana’s death to have some more impact this time around, which meant she had to be alive long enough to be missed.  By Faith, but hopefully by the reader as well.

[keanureevesisbae]

Oh oh oh! And I’d like to know the reason you choose the faceclaims you choose for your main ofc’s! 😍

So, picking out my face claims is really the longest process in the world, because first I have to think of what my ofc will be like personality wise, important characteristics of her and then I can find a great faceclaim for my ofc's.

Because my ass is obsessed with K-Pop (surprise surprise), I naturally gravitate towards choosing a female idol, mostly because if I want to make edits, I have tons of pictures to choose from.

Be ready for a long long LONG explanation:

The reason I chose Irene (Red Velvet) for Darcie Angel, was because when I was looking for a picture as a front cover for my first fan fiction (one cappuccino and a chocolate brownie please), I found a picture of her sipping some coffee, which seemed fitting for the entire story.

I chose Seulgi (Red Velvet) for Sandy Choi, because Sandy loved to dance and there are tons of dance videos of the queen of dance Seulgi.

I don’t really remember why I chose Wendy as Adelaide Park, but it was a good match, because her face really fitted the story.

Jessica Jung (former SNSD) was the perfect face claim for Amelia Jung (yes, I borrowed a surname here), because she has truly been a Kpop idol, like Amelia was in the story.

When I was looking for a face claim for Becky Kim for Sugar Sugar, I accidentally found Naeun from Apink—a group I didn’t even stan. However her natural beauty, combined with this expensive vibe (does that make sense? It does in my mind lol) made her perfect for a future sugar baby.

I chose Lee Hyori (former fin.x.l) for Natalie Lee Bennett of It’s a funny story, because there are tons of pictures of her from her younger days and her now, making it a better fit for the story structure itself.

YooA from Oh My Girl! was an easy choice, because Penny Townsend in the story is very innocent, adorable and I wanted that to be prevalent in her looks. YooA's doll like features were really what I was looking for.

Because I was going back to enjoy SNSD’s amazing songs, my eye was immediately pulled towards Sooyoung, who is an absolute babe. Her beauty, her height and just the vibe I get from her through interviews, felt like a perfect match for Rosemary Hill.

Ever After Boutique is all about fashion and to me Jennie from Blackpink is one of the queens of fashion, so choosing her to represent Frankee Newhouse felt only natural.

Because Ivy Sullivan in Oblivious is a sporty type of girl, I kept looking for a sporty photoshoot with an idol and I saw Solar, who is nowadays on such a fitness journey, which seemed fitting.

Hyuna (former 4Minute, TripleH and what not lol) was a great idea for Luna in the story Caught in a Blizzard. I used her former group 4Minute as a faceclaim for the girl group in the story and because Hyuna is such an icon, she felt perfect for Luna.

Victoria Song (who portrays Winnie Monroe in Serendipity) is the only Chinese girl on the list of Kpop idols and her being adopted from China is a part of her character arc. Because I actually thought of making a trailer for this and Victoria has played in tons of dramas, making it easier for me to use footage, but I ended up not doing it.

For the other stories, I didn’t use Kpop idols. For Olivia Tran I used Naomi Roestel (Vietnamese influencer) for the face claim, because she just seemed so fitting for the story. For Protection and Eunoia (and my new story Chasing Nostalgia with a girl named Leilani - coming up January 8th!) I used art breeder (I honestly hate the name, but it’s such an amazing site), because I specifically wanted an Indonesian/Moluccan OFC and it was very hard to find the right face online.

I had a few women in mind for Alice Matsuda, but decided not to go for it, because I wanted the story to revolve around her diary entries and not her looks.

keanureevesisbae 1k follower milestone celebration - ask me a question!

[emma-nation]

Unfinished Business - F!Sam x MC Fanfiction

Summary: When Sam Dalton is caught in a scandal, Anna Schuyler is the only one who can help her. But will her former nanny be able to leave the past behind?

"Samantha Dalton was like one of good dreams you don't want to wake up from. You close your eyes, you force your brain to remember every minor detail, you begin to imagine what comes next... hoping to be in control. You want to fall asleep again. You want it to continue, but it's too late now. You're wide awake."

Genre: Angst, Romance

Notes: Hell yeah, three ongoing multichapter fics. I'm so screwed 😎

Tag List: If you wish to be tagged in future chapters and fics of this pairing, let me know.

"I can't do this anymore, Sam," Anna did the best to avoid her eyes. With the right look, they could melt the ice that had formed around her heart for the last few weeks. One look could make things warm again, but only for some time. Time enough for her to open up and fall in love once more, immediately followed by the realization all of that was nothing more than an illusion. She'd be fooling herself again.

This time she just had enough. It was the end.

"Anna, I'm sorry," the CEO didn't know very well what to say. Despite her usual calm voice tone, Anna could sense the nervousness in her words. "But Sofia is my wife."

"And I'm only the nanny."

"This is not what I meant. We just... we allowed ourselves to get too carried away. It was good while it lasted but now, we must face reality."

It was just a dream. Samantha Dalton was like one of good dreams you don't want to wake up from. You close your eyes, you force your brain to remember every minor detail, you begin to imagine what comes next... hoping to be in control. You want to fall asleep again. You want it to continue, but it's too late now. You're wide awake.

----------

Anna collected her stuff from the desk, giving one last emotional glance to the classroom in front of her. Before leaving for Summer, her fourth grade students had prepared her a small surprise. A little party with cake, snacks and a "Thank You, Ms. Schuyler" sign hanging in the back of the room. They also drew her some cards, which she saved for when she got home. It could become very emotional for her workplace.

"Anna," the principal appeared at the door, catching her attention, "I came here to congratulate you. It was your first year as a Science teacher in our school and you captivated all the kids, as well as their parents."

"You're welcome, Mrs. Rockwell," Anna smiled. "I love working with children and now I see I made the right decision taking this job. This year was the most rewarding experience of my life."

"So we can expect you to return next year? I'm sorry, the parents keep me asking this question all the time."

"Absolutely!"

"They'll be glad to hear that. Have a nice Summer, Ms. Schuyler."

After living in New York for the last two years, Anna was finally ready to drive to her mother's home in Rhode Island. They both had saved enough money for a road trip across the country. Her mom deserved to live that dream after caring for her ill step-dad for some long months, until his recovery.

When she arrived at her apartment, her best friend, Jenny, was still at work. What meant she'd have enough time to finish packing without having to stop to hear the latest gossip about the company she worked for, or unsolicited dating advice.

"But first," Anna pulled the small pile of cards from inside her purse, "let me cry my eyeballs out."

And she did. She learned how to love and connect to each one of her students. Those cards need to be kept in a special place, where she'd always be able to read them and remember the sweet moments she shared with those children.

Grabbing a box in her closet, Anna accidentally came across a picture of the Dalton twins. She didn't even remember where she had placed it, when she was getting rid of everything related to that family. All she wanted was to keep those boys' memory out of sight. She missed them too much for words. They were the reason why she accepted that job as a teacher in first place.

"I wonder how different they must look now," she thought. "They're already nine."

With a tightness in her chest, Anna placed the picture back in its secret spot.

"I still can't believe you're really going!" Later that evening, Jenny complained in the living room, where she divided her attention between painting her nails and watch TV.

"Well, it's time for you to come with terms with that. I'm only returning by the end of Summer," Anna responded from the kitchen, while she finished washing the dishes.

"Anna, we could have the Summer of our lives. Think about all the hot men and women you could meet, all the parties we could attend..."

"I promised my mom, okay? We've been planning this trip since I finished college."

Jenny was suddenly teleported back to her side, wrapping her arms around her like a clingy teddy bear.

"But I'm gonna miss you," she spoke with a mournful voice.

"I'll miss you too," Anna assured her. "I'll keep you updated on every detail. Don't worry."

"I know your mom is going with you but... Anna, it's time for you to find someone. Even if it's only a one night stand."

"This is not the main purpose of this trip. This isn't about my sex life, I want my mom to relax."

"It has been two years, for god's sake."

"I know. And I'm glad I've set my priorities straight, I live with my best friend in a nice apartment, I got this amazing job and I love my students. I don't need anyone else in my life to be happy. I am happy."

Jenny rolled her eyes, crawling back to the couch. She should know it was useless to bring up this subject. Anna's heart was indefinitely closed for balance. If that was one thing she learned from her last experience was that shouldn't open up so easily.

"Shut the hell up!"

Jenny yelling so loud in the living room, made Anna almost drop the plate she was holding.

"You need to come here right now and watch this," she added.

"I'm sorry, Jenny. You're not getting me into that steamy TV show you're always obsessing about."

"It's a really good TV show, okay? But it doesn't matter at the moment. You need to watch the latest news!"

Jenny was actually watching the news. Nothing good could've happened to spark that sudden interest. That had to be something stupid or celebrity gossip. Against her best judgment, Anna approached the TV.

"If that's something silly, I'll kill you for interrupting my tasks!" Anna's mouth suddenly dropped when she read the headline on her screen. "Oh."

"Dalton Enterprises Scandal: CEO Sam Dalton accused of insider trading."

Images of police officers closing the company and carrying out boxes and computers for further investigation appeared on the screen. As well as Sam being conducted to the officer's car while journalists and photographers chased after her.

"Karma's a bitch, huh?! Mrs. Perfect is going down!"

Anna didn't answer to her best friend. She was still trying to process what her eyes were watching. Her heart seemed to stop for a second as the camera focused on Sam's face. In just a few seconds, her eyes had the desperate need to capture every detail. She wanted to know if she looked any different, if she had changed her hair or even her clothes. She wanted to know if some make-up was trying to hide the bags under her eyes for lack of sleep, or if she had been so happy with her marriage she was appearing even younger. Any minor signs that would make her mind create a possible scenario of what Sam's life could be right now.

She hadn't seen or heard of Samantha since quitting her nanny job. Though it was difficult, she managed to avoid any news related to the Dalton Enterprises CEO. They didn't part in good terms, yet one thing she was sure about, Sam was a decent person. She would never get involved in such a scandal. She had a reputation to keep.

"I... I don't know what to say," Anna was finally able to mumble some words. "Honestly I don't think she'd do that. There must be a misunderstanding."

"Anna! Are you seriously defending her?! After everything she's done to you?"

"No. I just..." Two years had passed since the wedding. Anna realized a lot could've changed. Sam could've changed. She had changed. "Maybe you're right."

As she lied in bed, millions of thoughts started running through her mind. What would be of the boys? Who would have their custody in case Sam went to jail, her parents or Sofia? Could Sofia or Robin have any involvement in that scandal?

Anna didn't get any sleep that night. When she woke up in the morning she was still exhausted.

The apartment was silent and peaceful. Jenny had already left to work. She was alone. No one would witness or even judge her next action. After preparing herself some coffee she sat down and started to research more about the insider trading scandal.

"I'm not interested, only curious," she mentally assured herself as thousands of articles started showing on her laptop screen.

Not only Sam was being accused to cheat on Sofia with another woman, but she tried to cover up the affair by giving her mistress a check to purchase Dalton Enterprises stocks. The launch of a new and revolutionary product in the coming weeks would surely grant her some cash. In the following days of the launch, the woman and her husband made millions of dollars.

"What have you gotten yourself into, Sam?"

The trials were scheduled for the next few weeks, and in case of conviction, the CEO could spend over 20 years in prison.

Only a couple of days later, Anna was in the garage placing all her luggage inside the trunk. She had to leave immediately, for her own sanity. The scandal was a great reason to stay away from New York City. The television wouldn't stop talking about that subject, or show the face of the woman she once loved.

"Dammit," entering the car, Anna noticed she had forgotten her cell phone upstairs. The latest events had impacted her more than they should. She was constantly distracted and anxious, secretly following the last developments of the case.

She picked up her phone, returned to the car and turned on the radio. Playing some loud music always helped her to relax. The crowded streets and the buildings slowly started to stay behind as the road approached.

"And I'm here, to remind you of the mess you left..."

Anna sang aloud, completely involved by the song. And then, her eyes almost missed it. Through the rearview mirror she saw a blur moving on the back seat.

"What the..." she needed to remain calm and act cautiously. The roads were impressively calm and deserted, a perfect scenario for murder, like in every horror movie. She slowly slipped her hand into her purse, grabbing the pepper spray. "I'm not one of those chicks who die so easily."

In one sudden fast move, she stomped on the breaks and turned around, spraying whoever was hiding behind her seat.

"Anna!" She was able to take a better look. The figure was wearing a hoodie and sunglasses. "Stop, please!"

She was able to recognize that voice even among millions of people. The years hadn't erased it from her memories.

"S-Sam..." Anna pulled the disguise, confirming her suspicions, "what are doing here? In my back seat?"

"I can explain."

"You better."

She returned to the driver's seat, attempting to relax. Samantha Dalton was inside her car, for some very screwed up reason.

"I know it's strange," and now she had moved to the passenger seat, being at a short distance from her. Close enough to notice how her presence was making her nervous. Close enough to notice she wasn't breathing. Close enough to see her hands shaking. "But I needed you to hear me."

"You could've called, Samantha. Or even showed up at my door! You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"You wouldn't answer. Would you?"

And that was it. One look and all the walls melted away. Her heart started beating faster, reminding her of the moments they shared two years before.

"No," Anna answered, fighting those feelings. "I wouldn't."

"I need your help, Anna," Sam touched her arm briefly, but enough to know she'd cause impact. "I'm in serious trouble and you're the only one that can help me."

[dukereviewsxtra]

Duke Reviews Xtra: Alice In Wonderland (1985) Part 1

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Xtra As We Continue Our Look At The Movies Of Disney...

And On The Next 3 Shows We'll Be Looking At 2 Of My Favorite Adaptations Of The Alice In Wonderland Story, Starting With The 1985 Version Which Was Made By Irwin Allen, Who Created Both Land Of The Giants And Of Course, Lost In Space...

Let's Start With Part 1...

The Movie Starts With Alice (Played By Jenny From Oliver And Company) Helping Her Mother Set The Table For Tea Time, But Despite Asking Her Mother If She Could Join Them For Tea, She Unfortunately Tells Alice No...

This Leads Alice To Go Outside And Talk With Her Sister (Who Is Actually Played By The Actress Plays Alice's Real Life Sister)..

I Know, This Is My 2nd Favorite Version Of The Tale And Even I Didn't Know That...

But Gets Bored Reading A Book With No Pictures, Which Leads Her Sister To Tell Her That Understand More When She Grows Up, Despite Alice Thinking She's Already Grown Up As She's Seven And A Half...

Playing With Her Cat, Dinah, Alice Spots The White Rabbit (Played By Hoagie From Pete's Dragon) And Follows Him To A Rabbit Hole That She Falls Down...

Ok, She Doesn't Fall Like That, But Close Enough..

Eventually Landing, Alice Follows The Rabbit To A Door Which Opens To Another Door And Another And Another Until It Finally Opens To A Hall Of Doors Which Leads To The Scene We All Know...

With Alice Finding A Tiny Door She's Too Big For So She Drinks A Bottle Marked Drink Me Which Her Shrink But She Leaves The Key On The Table Which Leads To Her Eating A Cake Marked Eat Me Which Causes Her To Grow Too Big So She Starts To Cry...

But Unlike The Animated Version, The White Rabbit Appears As She Cries And Accidentally Scares Him Into Dropping His Fan And Gloves Which She Uses To Shrink Again To A Size Small Enough To Fit Through A Crack That Leads Her Outside Into A River Of Her Own Tears...

While Swimming, Alice Briefly Meets The Dodo Bird (Played By Mrs. Gogan From Pete's Dragon) The Lory Bird (Played By Cosmo Brown From Singin' In The Rain) And The Mouse (Played By Mr. Jefferson) Who Takes Us Into Our First Song As He Tells Alice Why He Hates Dogs And Cats...

Leaving Shortly After That Song, Alice Catches Up With The White Rabbit Only To Lead Us To The Scene Where He Mistakes Her For His Housemaid And Sends Her Off To His House To Get A New Fan And Glove Set For Him...

Only To Find Another Bottle Marked Drink Me Which Causes Her To Grow Once Again...

But Unlike The Animated Version, The Dodo Doesn't Show Up, But Instead The Rabbit's Butler Named Pat The Pig (Played By Donald Trump's Number One Supporter, Scott Baio, Who I Think Fits The Role Perfectly With His New Status) Shows Up..

As We Get The Scene With Bill The Lizard Who Goes To Pull Alice Out Of The Chimney Only To Get Kicked Out Of The Chimney By Alice...

This Leads To Pat And The Rabbit To Throw Berries That Turn Into Cakes That Allow Alice To Shrink To Normal Size Again As She Gets Away From The Rabbit And Pat Who Are Still Throwing Berries At Her..

Eventually Losing Them, Alice Soon Meets The Caterpillar (Played By The Candy Man Himself, Sammy Davis Jr.) Who Takes Us Into Our Next Song Called You Are Old Father William...

But Like The Animated Version, Alice Insults The Caterpillar By Saying That 3 Inches High Is Such A Wretched Height And He Disappears Instead Of Becoming A Butterfly...

Walking Toward A House That Is Visited By A Delivery Man For The Queen Of Hearts Who Gives A Frog Footmen With A Familiar Voice An Invitation From The Queen For The Duchess (Who We'll Meet In A Few Minutes) To Play Croquet...

And By Familiar Voice I Think You May Recognize The Voice Actor For Playing This Guy...

That's Right, It's Robert Axelrod Otherwise Known As Lord Zedd (He Also Voiced Finster Too But He's Most Remembered For Zedd RIP)

Visiting The House, The Frog Footman Tells Alice That It's Useless Ringing The Bell On The Outside As He's On The Outside Too, But Going Inside Anyway, Alice Meets The Duchess (Played By Benita Bizzare) And Her Maid (Played By Imogene Coca) Who Take Us Into The Next Song...

But Finding The House To Be Too Violent, Alice Takes The Duchess' Baby Away Only For It To Become A Pig..

After This, She Meets The Cheshire Cat (Played By Kojak) Who Leads Us Into Our Next Song After Telling Her That She Won't Be Able To Leave Wonderland...

Thinking That He's A Bad Cat, Alice Attempts To Leave But Before She Does, The Cheshire Cat Points Alice To The Mad Hatter (Played By Anthony Newley) And The March Hare (Played By Roddy McDowell Who Would Later Play The Batman Villain, Jervis Tetch Otherwise Known As The Mad Hatter On Batman The Animated Series) Before He Disappears...

Walking Along The Road, Alice Finds The Mad Hatter And The March Hare Having Tea With The Doormouse (Played By Arte Johnson) And Sits Down To Join Them...

As A Little Tea Time Entertainment, The Mad Hatter Leads Us Into Our Next Song Because He Doesn't Like Alice's Version Of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star...

Eventually Upset By All The Rudeness At The Tea Party, Alice Continues Her Search For The White Rabbit As She Meets A Fawn In The Woods Which Leads To Our Next Song...

Finding A Doorway In The Woods, Alice Opens It And Finds Herself At A Beautiful Rose Garden Where She Meets Some Cards Who Are Painting The Roses Red, Only To Be Confronted By The Queen (Played By Jayne Meadows) And King (Played By Robert Morley) Of Hearts...

Who Arrives With Not Only The White Rabbit But A Whole Entourage Of People And Cards....

Introducing Herself To The Queen, She Asks Alice What's Going On Here Only For Alice To Tell Her That She Doesn't Know Much Of Anything As She's Only Been There For A Few Seconds Which Leads The Queen To Yell Off With Her Head.,.

But The King Defends Alice Believing That There's No Reason To Behead Her When She Doesn't Know Much Of Anything, Which Leads To Our Next Song...

Sparring Alice's Head For Now, The Queen Invites Her To Play A Game Of Croquet, Which Unlike The Disney Version Doesn't End With Alice Getting Her Head Nearly Chopped Off...

But Is Instead Just A Game Of Croquet With Flamingos...

With The Queen Pointing Alice In The Direction Of The Mock Turtle, Alice Goes Down The Path The Queen Suggested And Instead Runs Into The Gryphon (Played By Sid Caeser) Who Takes Alice To Meet The Mock Turtle (Played By Ringo Starr) Who Sings The Next And Probably Favorite Song From Part 1 Of This Movie..

Hearing Someone Yell That The Trial Is Beginning, Alice And The Gryphon Leave The Mock Turtle And Return To The Queen's Garden Where The Knave Of Hearts Is On Trial For Stealing One Of The Queen's Tarts, Despite There Being No Proof That He Did...

Bringing In The First Witness Or Should I Say Witnesses As They Bring In The Mad Hatter, The March Hare And The Doormouse, We Get Our Last Song For This Movie...

They Also Bring In The Duchess' Cook As A Witness As Well But Eventually Alice Argues The Ways Of The Queen's Court Which Leads Her To Grow As The Queen And Alice Continue To Argue...

Having Enough Of Alice's BS, The Queen Shouts Off With Her Head And Has Her Guards Chase Giant Alice But She's Not Afraid Of Them As They're Nothing But A Pack Of Cards...

Returning To Her Original Size As She Runs, Alice Eventually Trips And Falls Which Leads Her To Find Herself Back Home...

Now, This Is Where Things Get Interesting...

Entering Her House, She Finds Nobody There But Hearing And Seeing Her Cat Dinah On The Other Side Of The Mirror, Along With Her Parents Who Can't See Or Hear Alice But Their Own Reflections, Alice Can't Figure Out How To Get Through The Mirror...

So, She Sits In The Chair And Reads A Poem Called Jabberwocky Which Is About A Scary Monster But Getting Very Scared As She Reads It The Room Becomes Dark And The Jabberwocky Appears In The House...

You Know, I Once Saw A Video By James Rolfe (The Angry Video Game Nerd) And He Said That This Scene Scared Him As A Child To The Point He Was In Tears...

Saying That You Spend The Last Half Hour Looking At These Actors In Goofy Costumes Where This Thing Is Huge And Scary Compared To Alice...

Of Course, He Also Said That No Other Scene With The Jabberwocky Tops This Scene In Part 1 Which I Kindly Disagree With As There Are 2 That Could Possibly Be Scary...

To Be Continued...

Tomorrow...

[eclecticstarlightconnoisseur]

Edinburgh To Boston - Chapter 10 - Getting To Know You

Good evening all,

I’m back with Chapter 10.  I tried something different here and I hope you all like it. There are some words I used that I got from Google Translate, I hope they are correct. The story also includes references to middle eastern culture. I also hope these are correct.  I did my due diligence and researched the culture as best as I could. If there are errors, I do apologize.

We are nearing the end of this story.  I am wondering if after I finish it should I continue with a Part II?  Would you all be interested in continuing to read about these two or should I move on to something else? Your opinion matters to me.

Any thoughts or comments you have about the story, please let me know. Constructive, respectful criticism is welcome.

 I need to thank @curlsgetdemgurls for putting up with me, encouraging me, and being the best beta around.

So without further ado, I give you:

Edinburgh to Boston

Chapter 10

Getting To Know You

SPLAT!!!

Something struck Jamie squarely in the center of his back. He had a suspicion of what hit him and who did it. Turning around he found Claire standing several feet behind him with the most angelic look on her face and her hands behind her back.

“What are ye doin’ there a nighean?” he asked, eyeing her suspiciously. She had the appearance of pure innocence.

“Oh, Jamie! I saw it happen. Those little buggers. It was a drive-by snowballing. They ran off that way.” she pointed with her chin toward the street. 

Against his better judgment, he turned to gaze in the direction that the supposed miscreants had fled.

SMACK!!! 

Another snowball struck Jamie just below his hairline. The snow had yet to freeze and remained soft and powdery. The cold missile exploded sending a shower of fine-grained flakes across his neck tightly gripping his warm skin with icy fingers.

“Ifrinn! Now, Claire! I…” Jamie grumbled, wiping off his forehead, fingers cold. 

THUMP!!! 

Hurling her third projectile, it impacted successfully at his mid-center. 

“OOF! I’ll get ye for this, ye wee minx. See if I dinna,” he said, his eyes narrowing. He meant to get his revenge.

“Catch me if you can!” Claire squealed as she turned to run as fast as the snow-covered walk permitted.

She was no match for Jamie’s long stride and powerful leg muscles.

“Got ye, ye wee besom. Now, tell me what I should do with ye?”  He caught up his Sassenach wrapped his arms around her, gripped her in a tight embrace, lifting her up.

“Anything you want to,” she smirked. 

Claire dropped her head down and gently kissed him on the tip of the nose. Her eyes shining bright with mischief.

“I can think of any number of things I’d like to do to ye, but none of them can be done in a public place.”

She lowered her head kissing him tenderly on his wide sweet mouth. Her lips parted, tongue sweeping across his, seeking entry. Granted. Their kiss deepened. The world, the cold, the snow all melted away.

“For the love of Mike! Get a room will ya?! This is a public park.” A voice barked out from some distance away.

The lovers broke apart, each looking at the other giggling.

“We have one!” they called back in unison to the anonymous voice.

“Then go there and use it, for Pete’s sake.” There was no malice to the voice rather it sounded amused and happy for the couple.

“Aye, I think we will. Thank ye for the advice.”

*************

The lovers continued their slow-paced walk.  Hands linked, fingers intertwined, they stole shy glances at each other. She found his crooked smile charming. He thought her smile sweetly radiant, warming him to the backbone. The walkway was narrow causing them to frequently brush against each other or they wanted to believe. 

They talked about everything and nothing, truly getting to know each other. Even though they had worked together for the past year, they knew precious little about each other.

“Have I ever told ye about my family, Sassenach?”

“No, not really,” Claire shook her head. 

Jamie, a born storyteller, told her about his family and childhood at Lallybroch. 

“My Mam, she seemed to favor me for some reason.” He added quickly, “No’ that she dinna love Willie and Jenny, but she would always look at me, smile and tell me that I was special that I was born to do something important. She said she kent it the day I was born. She would look at me and say, “Jamie lad, I want ye tae study hard, harder than ye want tae or think ye need tae. Someday ye will do something that will affect a lot of people. Ye need tae be ready.'’ I always thought all Mams said such things to their bairns. I dinna ken what I was supposed to do, but I studied hard just as she asked.”

“Now my brother Willie, I idolized him.  He could do no wrong as far as I was concerned,” Jamie said with a wistful look on his face, his eyes glistening. “Lord, I was a true pest! I followed him everywhere he went, never chased me away. I mimicked everything he did or tried to. He was to be the next Laird, no’ me,” he said with some guilt in his voice. “He woulda been the better choice for it.”

“Why so?”

“He loved the land, the farm. No’ that I don’t, mind ye, but he woulda stayed at Lallybroch. No’ like me. I kent I had something else to do.”

He went on to tell her about playing with Ian his best friend and his sister Jenny. Bossy one she is and a true meddler. Jenny took over the household when Mam died. He told her tales of going fishing in a burn, sword fights with sticks, climbing trees, and a broken arm from falling out of a tree.

“Did I tell ye about the time Ian and I set the barn on fire? Accidental like, ye ken?” He looked rather sheepish in the telling. “Weel, it happened just after I turned fifteen.”

“Did ye get it,” I asked anxiously as I grabbed Ian by the arm pulling him into the barn.

“Aye, I did.” Ian looked around making sure that they were alone. He looked nervous. 

“We’re alone here ye numpty. Where is it?”

He pulled out a fairly crumpled handkerchief from his jeans pocket. The unwrapped bundle revealed a cigarette, somewhat bent, but intact. A half empty book of matches was withdrawn from his other pocket.

Standing there the two boys looked at the cigarette with great reverence. It was the symbol of their burgeoning manhood. They thought of emulating cool Hollywood icons, Steve McQueen, James Dean, Paul Newman, or Marlon Brando with a cigarette hanging from their lips.

“What if we get caught, Jamie? Our Das will kill us.” Second thoughts raced through Ian’s mind wanting to forget the whole idea.

“Nah, we’re safe here. They’re in the fields and willna be back for a few hours,” he grinned.  “Ye watched yer faither smokin’ one. So, how do we do it?”

Sighing, he acquiesced to the plan. “He does something like this.” Ian placed the cigarette in his mouth, letting it dangle trying to look ‘cool’. Instead, he looked like a bird with a worm drooping from its beak.  He struck the match and the smell of sulfur floated about the barn. The flame ignited the end turning the tip red and glowing. He took a tentative inhale causing the paper to blacken. The fragrant scent of burning tobacco lifted and borne upon the air current. He choked, coughed, and his eyes began to water. His wame twisted and turned with the collywobbles.

“‘Tis good,” he exclaimed lying, not wanting to look unmanly.

“Ye try.”

Jamie dubiously scrutinized his friend/brother. “Ye dinna look so good.” He took the cigarette afraid to look the coward, took a deep inhale, held his breath, eyes bulging wide, and expelled the blue-grey smoke in one giant cough. He continued to cough, sputter, gag, and felt the bile rise to his throat.

“I dinna ken why anyone would wanna tae do this! It tastes nasty, burns my throat and makes me wanna puke.”

At that moment, the laddies heard the return of their fathers from the fields.

They looked at each other with abject horror on their faces, knowing they would soon be caught.

“Damn it, Jamie. I thought ye said they would be gone for a while.” Ian grabbed the cigarette threw it down trying to stomp on it but did not see where it had dropped.

“He told me they would be gone for about an hour or two! They must have finished early.”

They ran to the barn door just in time to see their fathers cresting the hill.

“Did ye put it out?”

“I dinna ken. I think so. It got buried in the hay.”

“Jamie, lad where are ye? Have ye finished yer chores?” Brian Fraser called out in his deep rumbling voice.

“Och, Brian, ye ken they’re probably off on some mischief.” Auld John chuckled. “Ye ken what they’re...what’s that smell? Like something’s burning.” He raised his long straight nose in the air and began to sniff.  His eyes drifted toward the barn. “FIRE!!!!”

All the heads swiveled toward the barn. It was on fire. 

“Christ,” Jamie exclaimed looking at the back of the barn where they had just been. “Ian get water, I’ll get the horses out. NOW.”

Ian nodded his head and ran hell-for-leather to find the hose to drag it into the barn.

The horses were stamping, snorting, large heads tossing in agitation, eyes wide rolling wildly in their sockets while trying to break free from their stalls.

Donas, the massive ill-tempered black, gnashed his teeth. 

“Sin, na biodh eagal ort a-nis. Tha mi an seo.”     

Jamie took his shirt off threw it over the head of the black leading him out of the stall. He ran back leading the other two horses to safety.

Ian had returned with the hose dousing the fire putting it out.

Their fathers had arrived breathless from running to find everything under control.

“Care tae explain this?!”

Squaring his shoulders, standing to his full height and taking a deep breath (while commending his soul to God), Jamie told the truth taking the full blame. “I talked Ian into taking one of his Da’s cigarettes. The blame for everything should rest on me. I’m sorry Da.”

“Ye canna take the whole blame. I had a part in this also. ‘Tis my fault as much as his. I’m sorry too Da.”

Jamie stood with his hands clasped in front of him awaiting judgment and punishment to be pronounced. Likewise, Ian stood straight, hands at his side, ready to hear his sentence like a convict before a judge.

“Bairn, get ye tae the rail. Brian’s hands went to unbuckle his belt.

“Both of ye.” Auld John said in a tone that would brook no argument.

 “No. Sir.”

“Defiant too, I see. Whatever has gotten into that thick skull of yers, son? Are ye testing me?” Brian asked his face red with fury.

“No, sir. I am no’ testing ye. I just think that I should be punished as a man, no’ as a boy. I have admitted my wrongdoing, seen the error of it, and willing tae take my punishment as a man would, sir.”

 “Oh, ye think ye are a man now? Would a man be as careless and start such a fire, hmm? I think no’. Over tae the fence and let’s get on with it.”

“No, Da. Ye need tae punish me as a man, no’ as a boy.”

The two fathers walked away from the boys to confer with each other.

“Man!” Brian snorted sarcastically. “I’ll gie ye a chance tae prove yer a man. As a man, ye should choose yer own punishment. But, I warn ye, if it is not serious enough ye will be over that fence faster than a thought going between a lad and a lass.”

This was an unexpected turn of events.

Jamie and Ian also went to consult with each other and came back with a plan.

Jamie cleared his throat then began, “We have caused considerable damage tae the barn, so we thought we could repair whatever was destroyed in the fire on our free-time after school and weekends. We’ll clean out the old storage shed tae make room for the horses tae stay until the barn is repaired and we’ll take care of the horses, feeding, watering, grooming them, and mucking out the shed. In addition to our regular chores.”

“Ye ken that means ye have to give up yer after-school activities and sports.”

“Aye, Da we ken. We want tae prove we are responsible for our actions and make amends. We’ll explain to coach why we canna participate.”

The two young men stood patiently awaiting the acceptance or rejection of their proposed punishment.

Their fathers looked at each other and smiled. 

“Get ye gone, lad. Tell your sister that four men are hungry for their supper.”

Jamie turned to look at his Sassenach after telling her this tale.

"Strange, the things you remember. The people, the places, the moments in time burned into your heart forever, while others fade into the mist. I've always known I would live a life different from other men. When I was a lad, I saw no path to take in front of me. I simply took a step and then another. Moving ever forward, ever onward. Rushing towards someplace, I kent not where. Then one day, I turned around and looked back. I realized that each step I'd taken was a choice. To go left, to go right, to go forward, or maybe no’ go at all. Every day, every man has to make a choice between right and wrong, between love and hate, and even between life and death. And the sum of those choices becomes your life. The day I realized that I became a man.”

There was a faraway look on his sweet face, seeing memories of a time long gone.

“My Da was a strict man, but fair. That day I saw him bend and it made me mindful of what it meant to be a man. A man is one who cares for his family, his community, his friends, his land. He takes responsibility for his actions every day of his life. From that day, I kent I wanted to be just like him. I took things more serious like after that day.”

Jamie paused in telling his story drawing Claire to him gathering the strength to continue from her nearness.

“It...It was after my parents and Willie deaths that I decided to become a doctor.  I thought I should do something to help other people, ye ken. Since my heart was broken, I thought I would become a heart surgeon so I could fix other people’s broken hearts and give them a second chance. Does this make sense tae ye, Claire?”

“Perfect sense.”

His hands went to her waist, pulling her even closer to him anchoring himself to her. He rested his chin on the top of her wooly cap. “Do ye think me becoming a doctor and helping people is what my Mam meant about doing something important that would affect a lot of people?”

“I don’t know if she knew you would become a doctor, Jamie but you help so many people because you are. That is something important. The one thing that I do know is she would be so proud of you.” 

“Thank ye, Sassenach, for listening.” He clasped her close to him feeling her love permeate out into him warming him to the bone.

He kissed her tenderly on the lips then gave her a little push back looking into her warm amber eyes. 

“Enough about me. What about ye, my Sassenach, what was it like growin’ up for ye?”

Claire reciprocated in kind.  Telling him of her Travels with Lamb.  She laughed saying she always thought that maybe it should be the title of a book. Besides Lamb, there was Firouz, a manservant in her uncle’s employ. Far from being just a steward, Firouz became a beloved second uncle.

Her uncle undertook her education with Claire studying by lamplight each night. On her own, she learned enough of the local language and customs which allowed her to play with the village children. She also learned how to do many things not normally suited for a young lady of gentle birth, digging latrines, hauling water, building campfires, cataloging artifacts, and generally helping her uncle with his excavations.

The trio traveled the world together. India, Egypt, Peru, Mexico were by far the most frequented archeological sites. There once was a summer spent in Paris, while Lamb helped organize an exhibition at the Louvre.

“When I first went with my uncle I was five years old. Poor Firouz, he more or less became my nanny. I spent all my time with him whilst my uncle worked in the field.”

“Come little one! We must hurry to the market before the Aljaddat buy everything.  If we do not get there soon, whatever is left will not even be fit for the dogs.”  

The child’s legs were no match for the long graceful strides of the man. So, she simply gave up and sat down in the dirt road in her pretty pink dress, white pinafore, white ankle socks with lace trim, and black mary jane shoes. The dust and sand blew around her, covering her in a fine layer of dirt. Her face was gritty, and her curly hair a magnet for grim. The road traffic, braying donkeys and bleating goats, people on foot, children running amongst the animals and pedestrians, passed around her without so much as a glance. No one paid attention to the strange forlorn little girl sitting on the ground.

The man continued to talk believing that the child remained at his side. He stopped when she did not answer him and froze. He looked around and she was gone. Where did she go? Firouz, fearing the worst, began to run quickly retracing his steps only to find her sitting waif-like in the road. He ran to her picked her up cradling her to him. He ran his hands over her, checking her for any obvious sign of injury. Thank Allah, she was sound.

“What were you doing, child? Why were you sitting there?”

“I couldn’t walk that fast.” She looked up at his face speaking in a tiny tremulous voice, “I thought you left me too.” Claire buried her face into the crook of his neck, sobbing.

‘You are a foolish man, Firouz’, he berated himself. ‘She is so small, how could she keep up with you? And after everything that has happened to her? You must be more careful.’ He felt guilty for almost losing the Professor’s niece. But he was a bachelor in the service of a bachelor. What did he know of children, especially a little girl? 

“Do not cry Aziz, I will never leave you.” He wiped her face with the sleeve of his tunic. “Let us go to the market, I will carry you.”

“My name is Claire, not Az...Azz”

“Aziz, little one. To me you are Aziz.”

“What does that mean, Aziz?”

“It means beloved.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks and smiled.

“Come, let us go, before there is nothing left, only food not even fit for the dogs.”

Claire, snuggled against him and gave a little giggle.

Five Years Later -

“Come onnnn, Uncle Firouz, what is taking you so loooong?” Claire now age ten, ran ahead of her Uncle. She was indistinguishable from the other street urchins, dressed in loose white gallabya decorated with colorful embroidery and a floppy hat on her head. The sun had kissed her once porcelain skin turning it a warm golden brown. Her hair glowed with strands of gold, copper, and auburn scattering amid her dark brown curls. The child was thriving and happy, Firouz thought and was pleased. Although, there were moments when he could still see terrible sadness in those remarkable topaz eyes.

Claire ran back to her Uncle grabbed his hand pulling him toward the market. “Uncle Firouz if we don’t hurry then the Aljaddat will buy the best and ...”

“We will get what is not fit even for the dogs,” he said with a laugh. “You do pay attention, Aziz.”

Claire’s shining eyes looked up at him with affection, “Yes, Uncle I do.” 

Claire ran amongst the stalls picking, choosing, and bargaining just as her Uncle had taught her. It amused him to watch her haggle, hands on her hips, pretending that the quality of the merchandise was poor and negotiating for a better price. She was an amazing child this child of his heart.

 After purchasing what they needed, they walked to a cafe where her guardian would sit and take coffee with a friend.

“You have done well Aziz and earned a treat.” He reached into a pocket gave her some coins. “Go and buy yourself something. But do not be long, we must get back to the camp.” He touched her cheek tenderly, “Now shoo.”

To Claire, the bazaar was a magical place. The sights, the sounds, the smells that wafted around her enticed her to come nearer much as a moth dangerously circled close to a flame. All the tents, shops, and stalls were decorated with colorful pennants and banners, blue, red, yellow, green, offsetting the drab desert colors of neverending orange-yellow sand and dreary beige landscapes. Flags swayed gently in the breeze beckoning her forward like a finger curling in temptation. Many of the shopkeepers knew her by name and called to her hawking their wares.

She didn’t know what to do with her few coins. Should she buy herself a treat of some candy or a sweet bun? Perhaps she should save it as Lamb’s birthday was near and she wanted to get him a little present.

She wandered the maze of the marketplace, looking at this and that but finding nothing she wanted. Suddenly a gust of wind rose up around her carrying a spicy, herbal smell on the air that she had never noticed before. The aroma pulled at her with an almost mystical proportion weaving around her transporting her to it. She followed the fragrance to a tent where a woman was busy grinding something. She shyly crept forward watching the woman work.

“Do you wish to watch, child?”

Claire nodded. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making medicines.”

“Why?”

“Because some people come to me for help when they are sick.”

“But there are doctors and hospitals for that.”

“Some people prefer the old ways, the more natural ways, and sometimes people cannot afford to go to doctors or hospitals. So, they come to me.”

Inching closer, she peered into the bowl. She wrinkled her nose at the unfamiliar odor.

“These are coriander seeds.”

“What’s it for?”

“It can be used for many things. Like relieving pain and stiffness in joints, headaches, stomach aches, like when you eat too many sweets!” The woman tickled Claire’s belly and laughed broadly showing a number of missing teeth.

“Would you like to try?”

Her head nodded vigorously.

Pulling up a stool for Claire to kneel on, she began to show her how to grind and crush with a mortar and pestle. They laughed at some of the seeds escaping over the rim of the bowl.

The sound of grinding and scraping filled the little enclosure. The healer showed her novice different herbs and spices explaining what each was used for and how to make tisanes and ointments with each. 

A great shadow darkened the entrance, “What are you doing with my niece, witch?” said a deep male voice brusquely.

“I am not a witch!!” the woman spurted out angrily. “It is always the same. Women who have knowledge of healing are condemned as witches.” 

Claire looked from her Uncle to her new friend in complete confusion. “Uncle, she was only showing…”

“Enough, Aziz, we must be going. It is getting late.” Firouz spoke more sharply than he had intended. 

“Yes, young one, it is late. You must go back with your Uncle.”

“Will I see you again?”

The woman looked at Firouz who scowled fiercely at her. “No, child, I will be gone by the morning.” Carefully, so as not to be seen, she slipped a small pouch into Claire’s hand and whispered, “Something to remember me by. Do not show it to anyone. It will help you when you heal.”

Claire gave a little nod, slipped it into a pocket murmuring thank you.

“We are leaving Aziz. Come.” Firouz took her small hand in his large one guiding her out of the shelter.

“Why were you so upset, Uncle? She was just teaching me her ways of healing. It was interesting.”

“Aziz, women like her are often looked upon as witches. The villagers might think of you in the same way if they see you with her. It could only bring trouble for you if they do. I only want to protect you, my precious girl,” he said with a sad smile.

 That night Claire spoke with her Uncle Lamb about what had happened.  He thought it all stuff and nonsense as he did not share the villagers’ superstitions. 

“Claire, the most important thing you need to learn, even though we do not share their beliefs, it is to respect them.”

“Even if their beliefs are wrong, Uncle?”

“Even if they are wrong. You must remember, my heart, that these people have never been more than a day’s ride away from where they were born. They live in small villages, and among the oases.  They don’t know anything else other than the superstitions and beliefs that have been passed down over the centuries. It is hard to blame them as they don’t know any better or different.

“But shouldn’t we tell them it’s wrong?”

Lamb considered for a moment what to say, “My precious girl, you have a kind heart, this I know and you would like to help people, but changing long-held beliefs takes a very, very long time to take place. It can happen, but not as quickly as you or I would like. Have faith that someday it will come about.”

“That was the lady’s name...Iman. She told me it means to be faithful.”

He pulled his niece onto his lap, cuddling her close to his heart. “I love you my Claire, you are my heart’s own child.” He kissed the top of her curly head.

Lamb sat in quiet contemplation before speaking again.

“Firouz, I think we should encourage Claire’s interest in healing.  What do you say?” 

“As you wish, Professor.”

“There is one proviso, my dear girl, and that is if Firouz or I think you should not go to visit one of these healers, you will obey our instructions.” Lamb raised an inquiring eyebrow to her.

“I’ll listen to you and Uncle Firouz. I promise. Thank you, Uncles.” Claire snuggled into Lamb’s chest, feeling safe and loved.

“As we traveled to different countries, I spent time with the local healer, herbalists, shaman, or curanderos learning how they healed the sick and what herbs they used. I think that Iman set me on my path to becoming a healer, a doctor that afternoon.”

“I have one question for ye Sassenach, what was in the pouch?”

“Ah, well there was dried mint and thyme leaves, coriander seeds, and a small uncut, unpolished sapphire. Sapphires help to channel healing energy from one person to another.  Very essential for any healer to have, wouldn’t you say. I kept the pouch in memory of Iman, my first medical teacher. The herbs are all dust now, but the sapphire is still there.”

“Yer a verra fine doctor, Sassenach. Iman would be proud.”

Claire kept her arms wrapped around her Scot, holding him close, resting her head on his chest.

“Thank you, Jamie, for always being there for me.” Standing on her toes she reached up and tenderly kiss him.  She relaxed into his embrace feeling loved and cared for.

They stood holding each other within the sanctuary of their cocoon enjoying the warm feelings from sharing parts of their life story with each other. 

Their heads rose listening to the stramash slowly headed their way.  A voice carried on the swell of the air currents. It sounded like a woman scolding someone, scolding, a child. The voice sounded familiar. It carried a certain lilt to it. Scottish. 

“Rabbie, ye wee gomeral! Dinna stick yer brother’s head in the snow, aye. He canna breathe in there.”  

The figures drew closer, a man and a woman, an elderly couple. Accompanying them were two children, two boys and rambunctious ones at that. Always one with a good eye for detail, Jamie was certain he had met the couple before. The man had a jaunty set to his cap, a commanding height, and the spectacles were placed on the tip of his nose. The woman also was tall, but not as tall as the man, grey hair, and had a certain fullness of figure, grandmother-like. 

“Sassenach, ‘tis Harry and Maizie from the plane. I dinna think we would ever see them again,” he said a wide smile playing across his sweet mouth.

Jamie raised his arm waving it furiously loudly calling out, “mo charaid.”

***********

Oh, Jamie! I saw it happen. Those little buggers. It was a drive-by snowballing. They ran off that way.  --  I adapted this from the movie Mrs. Doubtfire and the drive-by fruiting. RIP Robin Williams

Sin, na biodh eagal ort a-nis. Tha mi an seo  -- Hush, don’t be afraid. I am here now.

Aljaddat   --  Grandmothers

Aziz  --  Beloved

Gallabya  --   is a traditional Egyptian garment native to the Nile Valley.

Iman  --  to be faithful

[theajaheira]

2019 fic roundup

december was INSANE and i spent most of january dealing with the aftermath of Terrible Parents, but i am finally doing this! in nearly-february! good grief!

tagged by @catty-words​! always a delight, cori <3

Total 2019 Word Count: 541,906 Total 2019 Hits: 29,555 Other 2019 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 3,184; Comment threads: 787; Bookmarks: 509; Subscriptions: 223.

Total 2018 Word Count: 338,835 Total 2018 Hits: 22,374 Other 2018 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 2,192; Comment threads: 453; Bookmarks: 280; Subscriptions: 69.

links and titles to 2019 works (buckle up, folks.)

[btvs] imperfections (148,374 words) y’all know about the braveryverse already but i’ll bring up some good points: jenny and giles accidentally adopt the entire scooby gang. also faith gets some actual support and is actually eventually stable enough to date buffy. good times.

[btvs] deliberate obstruction (5,492 words) the one where jenny is petty as fuck and attempts to sabotage every single one of giles’s dates after their breakup. not her best look, but it was really fun to write jenny being Not Great. she deserves to have that option.

[btvs] arch-nemeses (2,171 words) who doesn’t love some of that good old-fashioned ripper au nonsense? particularly when it’s spike and ripper being confusing nemeses who sometimes drunkenly make out (jenny thinks this is very funny).

[btvs] sick day (3,097 words) written because someone should take care of giles, damnit! probably not jenny, tho. she’s not the best at it. lucky for her giles loves her so much.

[btvs] simpatico (10,096 words) sister fic to the grieving process! set circa btvs season six! jenny is connor’s awkward aunt! giles is a repressed disaster who’s still pining but refuses to admit it! 

[btvs] honesty’s the best policy (3,830 words) that one where giles and buffy are hit with a Truth Spell that means they say exactly what they’re thinking. is that all that bad for buffy? not too much. is it a little iffy when you’re a repressed watcher man who still haven’t told your girlfriend how much you love her? uh.

[btvs comics] i router, you giles (1,111 words) GOD this was written BEFORE i knew that giles and jenny were dating in the reboot comics and isn’t that a concept? a snarky-cute first meeting! ok not really that cute bc they just yell at each other a lot! but definitely snarky!

[btvs] transitional (3,152 words) good golly this is cute and i honestly forgot that i wrote it. which makes sense, bc there is a lot of stuff on this list. set in between season one and season two, in an attempt to bridge the giles/jenny gap between “awkwardly friendly coworkers” and “oh my god i think i like you”

[btvs] across the pond (5,323 words) FUN FACT this got nominated for a headline award and i’m SO PROUD OF THAT?! epistolary fic! giles leaves for england in s6 but without his wife! his wife is very mad and writes him VERY MANY LETTERS TO YELL AT HIM! perfect for those people who sometimes think “god, i wish jenny had been in s6 to yell at giles.” 

[btvs] very really married (66,987 words) giles and jenny got drunk-married in las vegas and are keeping the marriage going so they don’t look like terrible authority figures. giles does not want buffy to know about his fake wife. giles does not want his fake wife to know about his real slayer. giles has a lot of problems and it doesn’t help that he might be catching feelings. big mess.

[btvs] bad dreams (2,267 words) GILES/JENNY/ANYA IS BEST SHIP NEXT QUESTION

[btvs comics] an open mic enthusiast (2,250 words) yet another giles/jenny comic-reboot meet-cute written before i knew they were dating!!! this time: jenny gets to see giles playing guitar. repeatedly. because she keeps going back to watch him at the open mic.

[btvs comics] blindsided (2,024 words) my first (and definitely not last) giles/anya fic! a shorter version of a plot bunny i hope to chase down in 2020 (ahaha did i say that WHOOPS)

[btvs] uncharted (16,469 words) my jenny calendar day fic! also known as “jenny calendar has a guilt complex: a novella.” no prophecy dream outs jenny to the group -- but she tells them anyway. and blames herself. and breaks up with giles while she’s trying to Fix Things. absolute mess. (thank god there’s a happy ending, right?)

[btvs] on the mending of hearts (9,236 words) that giles/anya fic where giles shows up at anya’s failed wedding and sweeps her off her feet and they have sex in his hotel room! except uhhh there’s a lot more drama and crying and anya really just needs some cuddles, tbh.

[btvs] extracurricular activities (1,003 words) straight up this one BARELY counts as a 2019 fic. i wrote it back in 2016 and forgot about it and found it on my hard drive and wrote an ending to it. it’s tiny, but it’s cute! lots of early-relationship calendiles fluff, as is My Brand.

[btvs] cookie dough and boy talk (a remix) (3,976 words) dawn, but in the ripper au! she’s a precocious little bab and ripper babysits her and gets semi-adopted by joyce. it’s a thing.

[btvs] a history lesson (698 words) a brief ripper au interlude between jenny and dru. dru tries to point out that jenny and ripper are in love. jenny very unconvincingly denies it.

[btvs] faith, hope, and pancakes (3,236 words) ripper au, now with faith! and she gets to hang with college-age jenny! who is dating her idiot boyfriend ripper! the Most Fun of times.

[btvs] compromises (750 words) this....was supposed to be a three-sentence prompt but I Can’t Do That. giles and jenny discuss (read: jenny yells at giles about) giles attempting to attack angel on sight.

[btvs] valentine buzz (3,422 words) i wrote this in may lmao but i just REALLY WANTED to write fluffy braveryverse valentine’s day nonsense!!! lots of cuddles and kisses and softness abound in this fic.

[btvs] days in goodness spent (5,893 words) this fic's point was a little more abstract and a little less blunt than most of the rest of these, but i wanted to explore the concept of giles slowly going from idealizing jenny to genuinely loving her. i hope i did it justice.

[btvs] to have and to hold (7,861 words) giles and jenny get married in the braveryverse. that’s really all there is. also i posted this on my birthday (may 23rd) AND it is the 23rd fic on this list!!!! WILD!!!!!)

[btvs] saw her in the streetlight, making all the world bright (5,738 words) took me like a year and a half to write the first fic in the ripper au, lmao. in which jenny is a snarky eighteen-year-old, ripper is a snarky college dropout in a band, and neither of them are at ALL good at communicating. especially not ripper.

[btvs] perfect (1,465 words) ripper au: it’s revealed that jenny hasn’t had sex before. ripper handles this with his characteristic maturity and grace (just kidding lmao he FREAKS. but it’s bc he loves her.)

[btvs] respite (1,106 words) i wrote this after issue 5 of the reboot dropped bc i was very emotional about canon power couple giles and jenny. in retrospect, i gave giles’s emotional maturity WAY too much credit--esp. given what’s going on now--but it was still fun as heck to write.

[btvs] shouldn’t we be getting together (3,193 words) this fic’s existence is a combo of me reading a summer camp ya novel and liking the Aesthetic but not the Culture & me talking endlessly w/ @jackalopingintothevoid​ about ripper and jenny’s teenage dynamic. so many of these fics have her galaxy brain takes woven in and i KNOW she knows that. lov u, jack.

[btvs] fragmented (6,158 words) written because of that one time my brain was like “but what if jenny WAS haunting the school?” happy ending because it’s me and g/j deserve some kisses.

[btvs/hp crossover] buffy summers, muggle-born (22,070 words) i CAME BACK TO THIS in 2019 and wrote a few chapters and DROPPED IT LIKE A HOT POTATO. hopefully 2020 will bring me the courage to pick it up again!!!!!! who DOESN’T want a carelessly-mashed-together crossover where the scoobies and the golden trio are all going to hogwarts together for some reason????

[btvs] in bloom (8,452 words) this was SUPPOSED to be the end of the jenny-anya-tara trilogy. it was not. (more on that later.) this was also supposed to be a fic where giles and jenny get together. jenny and anya got together. writing things is wild sometimes.

[btvs] i still want to be your girl (35,165 words) straight up i am so proud of this fic! s7 au: jenny was chased out of town by angelus. giles does not know this. jenny has been working with angel in la, but left with faith to try and help defeat the first. giles is not the guy she remembers. (but jenny’s not exactly the lady giles remembers, either. so maybe things might work out.)

[btvs/leverage crossover] what’s in a name (4,421 words) sophie’s & jenny’s relationship to their names & identities always so totally fascinated me! this fic was my way of exploring that. (also i got to give giles and jenny a toddler. that was fun too.)

[btvs comics] live a little (6,700 words) i had so much fun coming up with a backstory for giles and jenny in the comics that i am kinda tempted to eventually try and do it again. this one was fun to write, tho.

[btvs] kind of like hydrogen peroxide (7,501 words) THIS was FUN. ripper au, but it explores both jenny’s longing for High School Normalcy AND ripper’s fucked-up relationship to magic. also senior prom is a thing.

[btvs] mending fences (6,093 words) sequel to the aforementioned epistolary fic! lots of first-person self-loathing from giles, but also a LOT of love for jenny and his kids. also the man really truly needs to stop repressing.

[btvs] her father’s daughter (1,982 words) 2020 will bring us another chapter of this fic i swear to GOD. literally there’s only one chapter up so i cannot even TALK about my plans for it but uhhh if you want giles and jenny and their three daughters pls feel free to go to that prologue and check it out.

[btvs] a thousand different ways we fell apart (4,888 words) the au fic to encompass all au fics! inspired by the comic reboot and me being like. christ. do they go through this ridiculous shit in EVERY universe? ....and then i wrote a fic where jenny was a space traveler looking through multiple universe to try and fix her marriage with giles. extra fun.

[btvs] no such roses (4,814 words) this one turned out a TINY bit rushed, but the concept of jenny bringing giles back from the dead is always something that i love exploring. i might come back and rewrite this, someday.

[btvs comics] no perfect choice (4,801 words) OOF. wrote this one after issue 8 dropped. a lot softer and more tender than what actually happened, tbh. maybe i will reread it again to make myself feel better about comic calendiles and their brutal split.

[btvs] family (3,545 words) wrote this one p early in the year and came up with an ending to it much later! ripper au: the story of how xander came to live with giles and leave his parents. angst-with-a-happy-ending abounds.

[btvs] a california january (2,206 words) jenny and giles attend a funeral together. that’s pretty much it. this is defs one of the best things i wrote this year, tho.

[btvs] how i survived my summer vacation (volume two) (25,027 words) swear to god this is gonna be the next thing i update. the braveryverse NEEDS to continue. it’s got married calendiles, for god’s sake.

[btvs] clear and impartial judgment (3,977 words) that fic i wrote when i got mad at a lack of resolution wrt helpless. like!!! giles drugged buffy!!! do we not get to talk about the psychological ramifications that would have on her???? (well. canon doesn’t. but i do.)

[btvs] sunshine ladies (10,188 words) THIS FIC WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN and i say that with incandescent love in my heart. i intended for the ‘verse to be giles/jenny, and then i intended it to be jenny/anya, and then i was like....jenny has two goddamn hands, and there’s foreshadowing here for endgame giles/jenny, and i wanna write some giles/anya. let’s fuckin go. (DEFINITELY writing another installment in 2020 about this iconic ot3 of mine.) 

[btvs] spirit-touched (4,769 words) the first smut i write and it’s calendiles ghost sex. i really think this is on brand for me, esp. considering that swath of asks in 2016ish where everyone wanted to know if ghosts could jack off. incredible.

[btvs] dear friend (28,865 words) this fic had such a rushed ending :( it’s a cute premise (you’ve got mail giles/jenny au!!!!!), but i lost interest halfway through, and as a writer i can rlly see that when i read it. another thing i might like to go back and rewrite at some point, tbh!

[btvs] familiar (2,034 words) AUGH i am SO proud of this fic. SO SO PROUD. it’s a concept i really can’t explain and the little twist at the end is something i really really like, so...just read it.

[miss fisher’s murder mysteries] unbearable (5,670 words) i need to write more mfmm in 2020 but the amount of good fic out there is deeply intimidating/delightful. this one was my little “what if it was phryne who thought jack was dead” and tbqh i had a lot of fun with it? bc pining phryne (who makes brief but extremely poignant appearances throughout the series) is an awkwardly, heart-meltingly sincere lady.

[ace attorney] man’s duty to society (544 words) wrote this as my first foray into aa fic while getting emo about miles edgeworth. would absolutely still die for that man.

[ace attorney] fancy running into you (5,887 words) lots of schmoopy narumitsu fluff! gregory edgeworth is alive! miles is trauma-free! phoenix is an artist! just!!! goodness!!!!!!!

[ace attorney] big sister (2,741 words) set in the same gregory-edgeworth-is-alive ‘verse: babey franziska comes to live with miles and his dad. she is a little impossible but miles kinda does love her.

[ace attorney] prince charming edgeworth and his incredible tux (8,042 words) this fic came from me being like “i want to write phoenix swooning over miles in a tuxedo and being like HE LOOKS LIKE A DISNEY PRINCE” and spiraled into something much longer!

[ace attorney] fate, choice, and everything in between (4,384 words) SOULMATE AU. nothing i love more than deconstructing soulmate aus. but like. in a romantic way. also phoenix and miles ARE soulmates and that is JUST facts.

Favorite Fic: I WROTE SO MUCH STUFF THO LIKE !?!??! how can one expect me to distill it to just one fic? i’ll make it my top threeL

a california january (I AM SO PROUD OF THIS FIC. it is soft and angsty and silly and devastating and tender. all the calendiles feels.)

i still want to be your girl (same mood!!! i’ve wanted to write this fic for literal years, and it’s one of those rare occasions where the picture in my head actually turned out BETTER when written out!)

sunshine ladies (this is like my giles/jenny/anya ship manifesto and it still makes me happy to think about them all co-running the magic box together and smooching a lot.)

Hardest Fic: OOF uh i went through a rocky period of writing when transitioning into college? no such roses and dear friend were hit the hardest by my insecurity & my desire to Finish Things rather than actually spend time on the craft. but i’m much more settled in now and my writing is DEFINITELY in an upward swing (as my newest fic -- as day follows night -- attests to quite nicely, imo)

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2020? always always yes! (i’m bad at following through with them, but am ALWAYS accepting them.)

What was the best thing about 2019? there were almost too many good things to COUNT, but i think all of them were made possible by me working extremely hard to get myself the FUCK out of my abusive parents’ house and into my first choice college!! i’m thriving, y’all.

What was the worst thing about 2019? realizing that both of my parents are fundamentally terrible people. that part kinda sucked.

Any last thoughts for 2019? i finally understand what it’s like to fall asleep feeling safe, and to notice the way the leaves change color, and to get excited about self-indulgent things like food and cuddly stuffed animals and my own fic and art. 2019 brought a lot of happiness into my life, and oh yeah also i’m in love! lots of cool stuff going on.

Goals for 2020

finish the latest braveryverse installment!

MORE ART JUST IN GENERAL. i love drawing, but there’s not a lot of free time for artsy celia when they prioritize writing so often!

write one of the many incredible longfic ideas that’s floating around in my head. it’s honestly probably only like two or three big ones, but at least DECIDE which one i’m gonna focus my energy on.

more giles/anya this year!

more giles/jenny/anya this year!

diversify! still gonna be writing about jenny forever, but like. it might be fun to write about a few new things here and there.

maybe some more ace attorney fic? maybe even some mfmm fic again? phryne and jack are never far from my heart.

not tagging anyone bc this is....january. but if you wanna do it, feel free!

[winsister91]

Make Amends

Part Fifteen - Lucid

This series is a sequel to Breaking A Promise.

Characters: Dean x reader, Sam, Cas (mentioned), OFC Harper (mentioned), OFC Jenny (mentioned)

Warnings: Language, angst, fluff, flangst, smut, possible dub-con, grace kink, magic kink

Word Count: 2500~

A/N: What have I been smoking? FYI @sofreddie made me feel genuinely emotional with her reaction to this chapter. Thank you for beta-ing once again my beautiful wifey <3 Oh, I’m testing out the new line breaks with this chapter too, if they suck or whatever, please lemme know before I start putting them in all my fics.

Series Masterlist Full Masterlist

~ Series and forever tags are open! ~

“I got it!” Sam announces, barging in to the room and making Dean jump with a start.

“The hell, Sam!?” Dean yells, “You ever heard of knocking!?”

“Look,” Sam ignores Dean’s gripes, shoving an open book onto his lap.

Dean glances down at the pages, recognising the print and your handwriting dotting around inbetween the lines. Flicking through each page rapidly like a sticker book, he snaps the book closed. Your spellbook, the one you got from the coven. “She’d been studying it a lot recently” he mumbles, opening it again and checking every page. Each one had your hasty penmanship dotted all over it, “I didn’t realise exactly how much though...”

“A lot, evidently,” Sam sighs, shaking his head, “But check the back page.”

Dean obliges, flicking through and glancing at the paper in the question, “What the…?” he mumbles aloud. His hand traces down the page, he remembered the conversation in the car about this particular spell. The one she and Jenny worked on years ago, that was supposedly unfinished. But now a whole new bunch of stuff had been added, the writing messy and scribbled, wonky in some places like your hand had slipped while doing it.

“I thought this was unfinished?” Dean continues to mumble, his eyes wide and shaking his head as he looked at the hastily scrawn spell, “Didn’t she say this spell like...sends the user into some kind of dream world?”

“Yeah...and it makes sense right?” Sam looks at you, laid out and completely oblivious to the world around you, “She said about the dream root too, so I think she wants us to go in there.”

“Right,” Dean nods in agreement, “Any word from Cas on that front?”

“He said he was heading back now, be here within the hour.”

“Okay, as soon as he’s here, cook me some of that stuff up and I’m going in.”       

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

You walk down the long corridor, your steps echoing off the polished floor and bouncing off the walls. Your hands are clenched into tight fists, not sure where you were going or what you were doing, but this place gave you the creeps.

When you cast the spell, you tried to imagine your old childhood house, yearning for somewhere safe and distant from all this chaos that was now your life. You brain seemingly had other ideas however, throwing you into some warped, deformed version of Harper’s old house. The corridor looked exactly as you remembered, but now twice as long with double the amount of rooms branching off from it. Some of the doors were completely inaccessible, you couldn’t open them, not even by throwing your entire body weight into them. Others did open, revealing memories that made your guts churn. So far, you’d seen your parents, playing with an infant you in your old living room before you all headed out to the park. You’d seen you and Jenny, shooting the shit whilst cleaning down the diner after a long shift and then heading out to a bar. You’d seen the bunker, drinking beers with the boys until stupid o’clock in the morning and then having to spend a sleepless night laying beside a nightmare ridden Dean.

“Oh yay…” you groan, trying another door handle and feeling the door click open, “C’mon brain, show me something that isn’t tainted with something fucking depressing…”

“Do we even have anything like that?” your own voice replies back in the air.

“Sure we do!” you argue, holding your hands on your hips and pouting, “Or we could just cut to the chase and you fucking show yourself to me.”

“I am you!”

“So you keep saying! Yet I don’t see a fricking ounce of me in you!”

“Ha! Yeah, okay, tell me how much you didn’t enjoy what’s behind that door then.”

“Ugh!” you scoff, pouting and throwing the door open, what met your eyes made you stop in your tracks.

“Oh boy…” you mumble, pulling at the collar of your shirt as heat rushed up your neck.

It was you and Dean, from a couple of weeks ago. A frustrating long night of dead end research, and you were both letting those frustrations out.

“Y/N, fuck,” Dean growled, he held you to him tightly, your ass just resting on the edge of the desk in your bedroom. He thrust his hips roughly, hungrily devouring your mouth while the head of his cock relentlessly pounded into your cervix.

“Dean!” you moaned, throwing your head back. A thin veil of sweat made your bodies glide against each other with a unique kind of friction. You dug your fingers into the back of his shoulder, bringing your head back and your forehead meeting with his. You could hear his heartbeat increasing and feel the energy from the waves of pleasure that were coursing through him.

“You’re close,” you mewled, biting your bottom lip as you clenched your thighs tighter around him.

“Says you,” he chuckled darkly, “You’re so fucking hot, Baby. Play with your clit, throw yourself over the edge.”

“Is that an order?” you smirked, raising your eyebrow, “You want me to play with myself?”

“I fucking love watching you get yourself off,” he hissed through gritted teeth, rolling his hips into you.

“Okay,” you gasp a small laugh, “I’ll ‘play’ with myself.”

Your eyes flashed that familiar vibrant blue as your powers kicked in. Dean faltered slightly at the sight before realising that his hand was moving of seemingly its own will. A faint blue aura surrounded it, as his fingers trailed down your body and he could feel your soft, hot skin on his fingertips. His hand snaked down to your mound, until finding the small nub of swollen nerve endings. He pressed it, stroked circles on it, flicked his fingertip across it.

His jaw hung slightly open as you chuckled, bucking your hips forward and groaning with pleasure. You were genuinely using him...to play with yourself, prompting a lustful growl to rumble in Dean throat.

He suddenly felt his hips thrust, again out of his control, a choked moan of surprise bursting from him. They thrust again, and again, each with an increasingly fast pace.

“Y/N, fuck!!” he groaned, feeling your walls flutter and clench around him. He could feel everything building, all the pressure and tension, ripples pleasure bubbling over into an endless cacophony of tidal waves.

“That was a good night wasn’t it?” you hear Dean’s voice behind you.

“Dean!?” you shriek, turning too swiftly on your heels and nearly stumbling. The memory that was playing out suddenly melted away into small gusts of smoke, leaving an empty replica of Dean and your’s bedroom in its wake, “I-is it really you?”

“Got the dream root,” he nods, “Just like you said.”

“Holy shit…” a huge broad, smile spreads across your face before you throw yourself at him. He thankfully catches you, holding you while you swing your arms around his shoulders. Your heart swelled so big at the sight of him, it was painful. You could feel your face scrunching up as your eyes burned suddenly. Your bury your face into his chest, losing the fight against your sobs, “I’m sorry Baby, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Hey, hey,” he says softly, holding you tightly to him, resting a hand on the back of your head, “It’s okay, don’t worry. I’m here.”

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

“So yeah…” you sigh, walking back down the corridor of Harper’s house with Dean. It seemed to have got even bigger. Ridiculously. The thing stretched out before you so far you didn’t see an actual end to it, “I finished the spell in the car after we talked about it...It just hit me that I could possibly finish it. Thought it may have helped with...well...everything. An escape so shit’s easier to cope with.”

“I’m just thankful it works and you haven’t accidentally burnt your brain out or something,” Dean shakes his head. He stands on his toes briefly, like he was trying to get a better look down this endless corridor, “It’s still fricking weird though.”

“You’re telling me,” you giggle, “It’s only gonna get weirder no doubt. Other me is no doubt gonna be an absolute fucking treasure…”

“So…that’s what we’re doing?” Dean asks for clarification, “You’re going to go find and...talk to yourself?”

“I guess you could say that,” you shrug, huffing a small laugh as you drag your heels along the floor, “If they’re really me...we should be able to talk it out. Get all the feels on the table. If I’m stuck like this, gotta find a way to move on and live with it, right?”

“Most people would write in a diary or something,” Dean retorts, narrowing his eyes and smirking.

You giggle, shaking your head, “Well, the main reason I cast the spell was pretty much to knock me the fuck out,” you explain, a small sigh passing your lips, “Might as well try and sort myself out while I’m here. Kill two birds with one stone.”

Dean nods, his hands in his pocket as you both continue to walk. You didn’t know where you going, or if it was even possible to find the “Demonic you” in this place you’d created. Something was leading you though, you weren't sure if it was instincts or something luring you, but you found your legs still moving, the heels of your boots monotonously clicking on the polished wood floor.

“I...I think we’re close,” you mumble, the pace in your step quickening as you strode ahead.

“Y/N,” Dean called after you, grabbing your hand to hold you back and stay close, “Look, I-I’m sorry you’re going through all this.”

“What?” you stop and turn back to him with a furrowed brow, “It’s not like it’s your fault. If anything I’m sorry for burdening you guys with my shit again.”

“No,” Dean clenches his jaw while briefly shaking his head, “I should have known the Bar CCTV was a fucking setup. If we hadn’t have gone in there, they wouldn’t have…” His words trail off, and you squeeze his hand.

“Dean,” you say seriously, “You can’t shoulder the blame for everything. Harper’s potion has been slowly fucking with me all this time, so no doubt this day was coming. Jenny’s new concoction just...sped it up I guess.”

You move closer to him, leaning in to him and resting your head on his chest. Your eyes begin to burn as you actually take a moment to reflect on it all. It was only a few short weeks ago that things were feeling good. Everyone was moving on, you and Dean together again and a vague sense of your own special brand of normality was setting back into place. If you’d have thought that a news story about an office building bursting into blue flames would lead to all this…

Damn, your stomach churns as you realise deep down you never would have been able to let it go.

Dean holds you around your waist, pulling you tight to him, resting his head on yours and breathing deeply against your hair. You both linger, holding each other in silence.

“When’s the last time we actually had a moment alone like this?” Dean eventually speaks, looking down at you and planting a small soft kiss on your forehead, “Feels like a lifetime ago.”

“You’re telling me,” you chuckle in agreement, holding him impossibly tighter, “I miss it…”

“I miss it too,” Dean mumbles. He holds his index finger up to your chin, raising your head to meet his eyes, “Just being us...no bullshit hanging or looming in the air above us.”

“Has there ever been a time like that?” you quip, nudging him with your elbow playfully, “You know, I’ve made it so when I’m here I’m just...me. No freaky shit powers or angel radio...I actually feel normal, disregarding the fact I’m using a spell to keep me locked up inside my own head.”

You shake your head with a bewildered laugh, looking up at Dean. His eyes look pained as they glance back down at you. “But…” you force yourself to continue, your heart breaking under his eyes, “It also doesn’t feel right…”

“I don’t think anything about this situation is necessarily right,” he jokes, picking up on your heartache and defaulting to quips to lighten the mood.

You do laugh lightly, your fingers bunching in to the back of his shirt while you try and bite back a sob, “I mean…” you choke slightly, ignoring the tingle in your eyes, “Y-you never even knew me when I was just some normal girl. I’d been on that potion for a long ass time before you and Sam came to the coven. For a fucking large chunk of my life I’ve been...deep down, a monster.”

“Y/N, stop it,” Dean states sternly, his fingers now digging in to your sides as held you, “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true though,” you shrug, a couple of tears breaking through, “It wasn’t always to this extent but...I-I like my power. Even after you and Sam made me promise to abandon them, I went back. Then we tried again and...look where we are now. I always come back to them, because they’re a part of me.”

“Y/N…” Dean shakes his head, “They may be a part of you, but that’s all they are. A part. They don’t make up who you are. A sweet, funny, freaking batshit, badass hunter. Someone who wants to do good, save people, looks after her family…”

“Oh yeah,” you cut him off with a sarcastic retort, “By bringing all new levels of hell and misery into their lives.”

“Um, correct me if I’m wrong,” Dean raises an eyebrow, tilting his head as he spoke matter-of-factly, “You said I can’t ‘shoulder the blame for everything’. So sounds to me like you need to listen to your own advice.”

Your slump in defeat, a smirk playing on your lips, “You’re unbelievable,” you huff, “But thank you...you’re being all sweet and I far from deserve it.”

“Y/N-” Dean starts to argue but is cut off by a loud crashing sound further down the corridor.

“Oh please! You both make me sick!” a twisted version of your voice echoes.

“Wonderful…” you sigh, pulling back from Dean and inhaling sharply. You roll your shoulders, before turning to Dean and nodding, “I’m doing this.”

“Not alone you’re not,” he grabs your hand, standing beside you.

“You sure about that?” you ask hesitantly, “I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen. It could all turn sour super fast. Probably safer for you to get out here incase I implode my own brain or something.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he answers stubbornly, “You’re not doing any more of this alone.”

You sigh shakily, nodding slowly before the two of you start to walk together.

Tags! Forever Posse: @sofreddie @chelsea074298 @ria132love @untitled39887 @chicagolove88 @akshi8278 @sis-tafics @younoeatcheeseyounobefat @mandilion76 @teamfreewill92 @supernaturalmagicfolk @emoryhemsworth @musicistobeheard-blog @pheonyxstorm @mrswhozeewhatsis @turnttoverr @itspronouncedsatanbitch @the--real-wombat @xagateophobiax @samisimportant @jensen-gal @castiel11235 @waiting-to-find-myshadows @19agbrown @mogaruke @nyxveracity @cole-winchester @esoltis280 @maui137 @internationalmusicteacher @meganywinchester @sweetness47 @roonyxx @imperiusimpala @lazinessisalliknow @thisismysecrethappyplace @choosemyname @dean-winchesters-bacon @stoneyggirl @hunterswearingplaid @bella-ca @curly-haired-disaster @rainflowermoon

Dean Darlings:

@annoyingpeople-postingthings

@hobby27

@sleepless-sin

@keira1416

@imascio08

@starry-chaos

@xalgaliareptx

@polina-93

@andkatiethings

@assassinofmasyaf

@adoptdontshoppets Make Amends Squad @rosethesupernaturalhunter @shayla-markele @justballoonfishthings @iamcraving @disneychic8 @earthtokace @drakelover78 @cookiechipdough

[ailelie]

Phillip Carlyle is such an important character in The Greatest Showman because he allows the movie to include progressive actions without ascribing them to Barnum.

Cut for spoilers.

Throughout the movie, Barnum chases after wealth and, after that, respectability. Who he brings in and uses along that way does not matter to him. He creates a home for the circus performers without meaning to, but doing so ensured the people stayed and earned him wealth. He seemed intrigued and pleased by Carlyle’s attraction to Anne, not because he was just that progressive, but rather because an infatuated Carlyle was a Carlyle who would stick around. Jenny Lind skewers Barnum perfectly when she says he is careless with people and Charity does her one better by pointing out that even she is not his top priority or greatest love. Barnum, in the movie, is a selfish, creative, confident man who carelessly uses people and possessions to chase after respectability. Ultimately he learns that what he really wants is acceptance and that he’d had it all along if he’d only paid attention.

(Note: I also like how the performers, in the end, are accepting of Barnum, but aren’t enamored or in awe of him. They need his creatively audacious business sense and intuition for showmanship; they don’t need him. This is one reason that Barnum has to pass the hat at the end. The circus has gone from being about him to being about the performers. And, of course the hat has to go to Carlyle. Phillip Carlyle chose the circus to be his home and, yes, he could skulk back to a respectable life, but he’d always be a bit stained and he’d have to constantly deny part of himself to fit back in that life. Carlyle, at the movie’s end, no longer fits in the respectable life. By loving Anne and being public with his affection, he has become someone to stare at in wonder and horror.)

So, back to Carlyle and why he is so important. In “The Other Side,” Carlyle is dismissive of the circus, suggesting it is beneath him (”we don’t pick up peanut shells”) and condescendingly referring to it as “really something.” Once he sees Anne, though, he starts to change. This change could be ascribed to love at first sight or to the realization that his snobbery has sewn him into a bubble.

After this moment, Carlyle grows in a way Barnum cannot. Carlyle cares about people; Barnum does not. The scene where Carlyle brings in the invitation to the queen is especially illustrative. Barnum would have never risked an opportunity for respectability by demanding that the performers could also attend. Carlyle does and not just for Anne. The film is careful to show us the wary hope in others like Lettie and Charles as well. 

Had the film placed this decision to risk the queen for the crew in Barnum’s hands it would have been ignoring history in a way that is dangerous. The movie glosses over a lot of Barnum’s history (I’ve noted to family that it is as though someone read the back of a Barnum biography and decided it was a good setting for their movie about found families and acceptance; this movie is not about PT Barnum), but it doesn’t lie about Barnum used people. Barnum, in the film, is visionary, but he isn’t especially progressive. He sees opportunities, not people, and is willing to break the rules to take advantage of those opportunities. Had Barnum declared they’d only go see the Queen if everyone were invited, it would have glorified him for something he had not earned, either in real life or in the film.

(The film implies that Barnum is the one to make sure the performers dress in their performance clothes rather than in fancy dress. Barnum could have worn his ringmaster suit, but instead chose more traditional tails. He is not like them after all. Carlyle, at this point, is also still concerned with what people should or should not do in society. Barnum forces him to introduce him to Jenny Lind and the introduction goes well. Barnum is demonstrating that the social rules Carlyle has lived within his entire life are humbug, but he isn’t doing so out of any special awareness or intention to teach; Barnum just wants Jenny Lind to perform for him and he’ll use whatever tool he has at hand to make that happen. Barnum doesn’t even care about Lind; he just wants the way people defer to her.)

Carlye continues to grow. He drops Anne’s hand at the concert, but then he offers her his arm at the theater and introduces her to his parents. In between those scenes, he advocates for the performers with Barnum and he stops to talk with them and explain what’s going on while Barnum just rushes by. Lettie and the others in that scene talk with Carlyle as if he is a friend. Carlyle, like them, have been left behind by Barnum and his ambitions. Carlye, like them, treats the circus as a refuge. When Carlye and Anne sing their duet, Anne talks about how what works within the circus walls won’t work outside of them. In the walls, they can belong together. Carlyle belongs to that world within the circus walls; Barnum never does. 

In the end, Barnum accepts the circus in a way he hasn’t before and sees it as the home and refuge it has become, but as soon as the big top is established, he leaves. Carlyle can stay because Carlyle belongs; he chose the circus over his family and old life. Barnum chooses his family over the circus. Even more importantly, the movie shows that just because you accidentally or on purpose create a safe space for people, you do not own that space--the people within that space do. Barnum created opportunities, but he also threw up roadblocks. He does not allow them into the Jenny Lind party; Lettie opens those doors. The circus at the start of the movie is all about Barnum and fades around him. The circus at the end is all about the performers. The ringmaster is no longer an outsider using people for his own ends, but a guy who, like all the other performers there, ran away to join the circus.  

Carlyle will never face the situations and realities that the other performers have and do, but he has chosen to stand with them in a way that cost him dearly and makes going back extremely difficult. Barnum could never fulfill that role. To tell the story the movie wanted to tell without glorifying Barnum and assigning virtues he did not possess, the movie needed Phillip Carlyle.

[buffster]

Pangs (BTVS 4.08)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

I ended up watching Pangs twice because there was a lot to digest. It was a good episode for many reasons--Angel lurking, Spike joining the gang for the first time, Thanksgiving--but also an uncomfortable one because of the racial issues. Let’s just say this straight off: if you don’t have any POC in your main cast, you probably shouldn’t make the villains POC or attempt to have conversations about race. As far as some of the more intricate issues within the episode, I don’t claim to be an expert. So if you have some thoughts on the issue feel free to reblog and add them. 

Giles: It's not fair. You know that's what she'd say. You can see her and she can't see you.

Angel: Believe me, I'm not getting the good half of the deal. To be outside, looking in at what I can't... I'd forgotten how bad it feels.

Buffy has a couple of relationships throughout BTVS, but Angel and Spike are the only ones we see her be physically aware of and really have a connection to. There are multiple scenes in Pangs where she’s off her game because she feels something...and that something is Angel, lurking in the shadows watching her. I know the plot required he not reunite with Buffy in order to entice viewers to Angel, but it’s in character. This guy loves to lurk and avoid difficult emotional conversations. He does have a point about their interactions, though...both of them are an emotional mess in I Will Remember You. 

Xander finally gets a dignified job as a construction worker and Anya is loving it. My policy is to live and let live when it comes to headcanons, but personally I think Anya is about as straight as they come. She’s all about the rippling man bod (and, as some have pointed out, she’d probably mostly date women if she was attracted to them at all). 

Xander’s first project is a new cultural center for UC Sunnydale, which is where we get our plot. He falls into a pit and awakens the spirit of a Chumash warrior. The warrior then infects him with multiple diseases because that’s what happened to his people. One of the diseases is syphilis, which is where we get the “his penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe” line in OMWF. 

Willow: Thanksgiving isn't about blending cultures, it's about one culture wiping out another. Then they make animated specials about the parts with the maize and the big big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene where all the bison die and Squanto takes a musket ball in the stomach.

The most emotionally affected is Willow, who has inherited her concern for indigenous peoples from her mother. Ironic that Shiela refuses to participate in certain holidays for concern of others but can’t pay attention to her own daughter. She’s bad at personal relationships but very firm in her beliefs and ideas. Willow is fighting to make some kind of peace with Hus throughout the episode while Giles is firmly for taking him down (as the one with diseases, Xander is on Giles’ side). This is one of the first times we see Giles and Willow start to clash and her begin to question his authority and wisdom. 

Buffy: The thing is, I like my evil like my men: evil. You know, straight up, black hat, tie you to the railroad tracks, soon my electro ray will destroy metropolis BAD. Not all mixed up with guilt and the destruction of an indigenous culture.

I can’t really explain why, but I love when characters/the narrative acknowledges something the audience has noticed (i.e. Buffy’s interest in evil guys). Although it is a little out of place here because she hasn’t had anything with Spike yet. I don’t think we can say she’s into the dark side until it becomes a pattern, and at this point it had not. Anyway, they all go back and forth throughout the episode about what to do with Hus. Giles thinks it’s too late to do anything. I like the “Vengeance is never sated, Buffy. Hatred is a cycle...all he will do is kill” line. I also believe, as the famous quote says, ‘Hate does not drive out hate. Only love can do that.’ No matter how many times Hus takes revenge he will probably remain angry. (( Since this is Tumblr, I’ll over explain so as not to be willfully misinterpreted: I’m not saying fighting back is never the answer. Just that getting revenge is never going to make your bad feelings go away. It might make other changes, but I think hatred and anger just grow. ))

We start to see some clash between Xander and Anya because he blurts out “you don’t talk to vengeance demons. You kill them.” He prefers to ignore Anya’s past misdeeds and I don’t think he ever really reconciles them. As long as Xander didn’t see you commit evil he’s content to ignore it.

Giles: Tell me again why we're not doing this at your house.

Buffy: Giles, if you want to get by in American society you have to learn our traditions. You're the patriarch. You have to host the festivities or it's all meaningless.

Giles: And this is in no way an elaborate scheme to stick me with the clean up.

Buffy is feeling lonely and particularly protective of Thanksgiving. She’s upset her mother won’t be doing it as usual and says “everything is changing”. But she “smells a turkey and (I’m) eight years old” so she’s hoping she can keep the spirit alive herself. Buffy really is about growing up and we see Buffy move farther and farther away from childhood comforts as time goes on. Her obsession with Thanksgiving this year is her attempt to cling to the past. While Giles and Willow worry about Hus, Buffy mixes ingredients and worries about all the little cooking details. 

Buffy invites Riley but he has his own plans in Iowa.

Riley: My folks are there. We always do Thanksgiving at my grandparents farm. Little place just outside Huxley. Corn and pigs.

Buffy: That sounds wonderful.

Riley: It is. After dinner, we all go for a walk down by the river with the dogs. And there's... trees, and I know what you're thinking, it's like I grew up in a Grant Wood painting.

I know Riley doesn’t exactly fit with our band of outcasts, but that’s not necessarily a bad point for his and Buffy’s relationship. Since Buffy doesn’t have that he could have been an avenue for her to gain it. 

Riley: What's the line --"Home's the place that, when you have to go there -"

Buffy: "-- they have to take you in." That's what they say.

Spike attempts to go home to Harmony, but she’s “in control of (my) own power now” and threatens to stake him. He finally turns to Buffy. 

Spike: I'm saying Spike had a little trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore. I can't bite anything. I can't even hit people.

Sensibly, the gang is still planning to turn him away until he says he has the inside scoop on the soldier boys. He’s tied to a chair and sits through all the chaos. 

Spike: You won! All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do! That's what Caesar did, he's not going around saying "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it"! The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, you massacred them, end of story!

Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.

Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but some of that made sense.

Giles: I made several of those points earlier, but that's fine, no one listens...

Spike’s pretty cold about what happened to the tribe, but he’s evil so it’s expected I suppose. The gang thinks he has a point about there not being anything they can do at this point and decide to fight. It was kind of a strange conclusion to the story. “Thanksgiving is a sham! So many atrocities! What can we do? Nothing. Ah well.” The message was just a little unclear and I think the story was more about plot than a political message.

The gang battle the spirits and finally triumph, but not before Buffy turns the main warrior into a bear. It was fun to watch Spike reacting to everything during the episode (and I love his smirk when Xander spills the beans Angel was there).

During the fight, Angel leaps up and breaks one of the warrior’s necks and he, according to the script, “drops like Jenny Calendar”. Anya then wonders what he’s like when he’s evil and we get one of our rare Angel-and-Angelus-are-in-fact-not-totally-seperate moments. Willow tears into the warriors as much as anyone else and feels guilty later.

Xander: I don't know. It kinda seemed right to me. A bunch of anticipation, a big fight and now we're all sleepy.

Character Notes:

Buffy Summers: Her mom is visiting Aunt Pauline for Thanksgiving this year. Buffy mentions she stole and lost Willow’s hairbrush, proving she’s still an annoying roommate--Willow is just more accommodating than Buffy/Kathy. 

Willow Rosenberg: She mentions there are some great spells that work better with an ear. Giles and Willow talk about Angel losing his edge because everyone but Buffy saw him.

Riley Finn: Forrest calls him “mama’s boy” in reference to Maggie and we see he is already attached to her.

Xander Harris: He accidentally says Anya is a strange girlfriend and she lights up at the word. But he claims to be delirious. 

Angel: He leads Buffy to Father Gabriel, apparently an old contact. When he first shows himself to everyone they all assume he's evil.

Spike: He explains that vampires that don’t feed become living skeletons.

[equivvitch]

Fassathon: A Summary (Part II)

or, to misquote John Mulaney: “you have more than ten movies left and it gets worse”:

Eden Lake (Also Steve)

Rating: 7/10

Quick Summary: Jenny and Steve take a weekend trip to a place called Eden Lake which used to be a nice camping spot but is soon going to be torn down to make room for a housing development. They have some difficulty reaching the place as it is technically a construction zone, but eventually make their way deep into the woods and find a place on the shore to set up camp. Soon they’re joined by a large group of obnoxious and antagonistic teenagers who heckle the couple, refuse to turn down their music, and seem unlikely to leave anytime soon. Any attempts to reason with them are ignored and the couple eventually gives up and tries to enjoy their day anyway. They continue to encounter the group of kids and tension grows between them with the teenagers growing violent and threatening. Steve decides to confront them despite Jenny’s protests and it doesn’t go well. All this results in the two running for their lives, trying to escape the group at any cost.

Some Thoughts: This is the better horror movie on here. It’s well-done for the most part. Fassbender’s character is kind of a dumbass and there are some cliché moments in there, but it’s fairly original and doesn’t rely on jumpscares hardly at all. It’s really more of a thriller than a true horror movie, a survival film I guess, since you know who the enemy is and well….it’s just a group of delinquent children so there’s no real inherent fear there. I definitely got caught up in it and had a few good jumps and moments of shock. I wasn’t really impressed with the ending, but since I don’t have the most experience with horror I can’t say whether it was to be expected with this kind of film or not. It’s definitely frustrating at times and the characters make a lot of idiotic choices, but it’s a suspenseful ride. It’s an interesting commentary on mob mentality as well, since the group of kids starts to fracture early on. The theme ties into the ending as well which I won’t spoil. It’s definitely an “oh no we’re trapped in the woods and someone is chasing us” movie but the performances are good and it didn’t become too predictable, at least for me. A solid film all around in my opinion.

Warnings: This is a pretty bloody movie. It’s not as bad as the other horror movie on here, but there is blood and mild torture and immolation. Also animal death because these movies can’t cut them a break. It was accidental in this case, but it’s there. Also just disturbing imagery in general. It’s a horror movie. You probably know if you can handle that or not.

Recommend?: Sure, if you like horror films I think this one is a less well-known one that’d be worth giving a chance. Also it’s pretty short so there’s that.

12 Years a Slave (Epps)

Rating: 9/10

Quick Summary: Solomon Northup is a free man and an excellent musician living in New York with his family when one day he’s propositioned by two men who own a circus in Washington to come and play his violin for their show. He agrees and all seems to be going well when suddenly he finds himself kidnapped along with a good number of others and sold into slavery in spite of his protests that he is free and has proof of it. He ends up enslaved on a plantation owned by a man named Ford who favors him to some degree, desperate to escape. He ends up in a confrontation with one of the overseers on the plantation and Ford, supposedly for the sake of his life, hands Solomon over to Edwin Epps. Epps turns out to be a despicable man and Solomon struggles to survive while under his thumb, all the while attempting to escape and return to his family.

Some Thoughts: Nothing I can say about this movie would really be worth anything, so this probably won’t be that long. This is one of those films I’ve needed to watch for a long time and I don’t mean to lessen its importance by doing it in the midst of this. I’m very glad to have finally watched it and really I’d like to rewatch it here soon to really let it sink in, since I sort of took it in short bursts the first time around. It’s an incredibly impactful film and one I think every American at least should see. McQueen is truly at his best, unflinching as ever and putting his distinctive long takes to impactful use. Chiwetel Ejiofor as Solomon does an incredible job of grounding and guiding the film even when he doesn’t have much dialogue a lot of the time. Lupita Nyong’o is absolutely incredible. I cannot believe this was her first appearance in a feature-length film. She is such a strong presence on screen even though her part was comparatively small. To comment briefly on Fassbender himself, this part was kind of beyond words. He really plays the worst of the worst and not to say anything good about the character himself, but he does it very well. He doesn’t come in until about halfway through the film and….thank goodness he doesn’t jfc… Anyway, it’s a very important movie and very much worth the difficult watch.

Warnings: A lot of disturbing imagery, including lynching and general humiliation of the people who are enslaved. A great deal of blood and abuse, including a drawn out scene where a character is whipped. Warning as well for r*pe/sexual assault. Lots of slurs and violent racist behavior. I’m sure most people get the picture.

Recommend?: With the warnings in mind, yes. Like I said, this is one all Americans should see once they’re old enough.

Jonah Hex (Burke)

Rating: 4.5/10

Quick Summary: Jonah Hex is a bounty hunter who had everything taken from him by a man named Turnbull. While strung up, branded, and forced to watch his family burn alive he ended up with the power to seemingly evade death, as well as talk to the dead for a brief amount of time. He goes around hunting Turnbull until one day learning of his apparent death. After this, he is directionless and mostly hunts criminals, making a name for himself. Soon enough however he finds out Turnbull is alive and attempting to steal and use the most dangerous weapon ever invented to Blow Up the World™. The government enlists Hex to help them stop him so he sets out to avenge his family and apparently also save the world.

Some Thoughts: So this is officially the worst rated movie on this list, but I really don’t think it deserves that title. It really is a stupid movie, but that doesn’t stop it from being occasionally enjoyable. I probably rated it a little too highly but I think comparatively it deserves the praise. Jonah Hex is an actual DC anti-hero from what I can tell and this is, kind of hilariously, an actual DC movie. I really know nothing about his canonical portrayal, but the x-ray thing you get when you rent/buy a movie on Amazon told me that his power to speak to dead people isn’t in the comics which….makes me wonder what he actually can do. But I digress. Hex himself is actually a pretty decent protagonist. He sort of hits a Wolverine-esque level of brusque irritability over everything that he uses to mask his usually good intentions which I kind of appreciated. That said, almost everyone is checked out in this movie. It works for Josh Brolin playing Hex but not as much for the others. John Malkovich as Turnbull isn’t over the top but it’s sort of a tired forgettable performance. Megan Fox plays Sexy Lamp with Knife which is not her fault but she’s also 1000% checked out. To her credit she does useful things, but her relationship to Hex is never explained, there’s no chemistry, and she’s used as an object more than once which is annoying. Fassbender is really the only one who seems to be having a good time which makes his character kind of enjoyable even if Burke is a Bitch. He kind of has an Alex from A Clockwork Orange vibe about him in that he so thoroughly enjoys doing what he’s doing. His Irish accent is really ridiculous, but god, at least it’s entertaining. He seems like he actually wants to be there which is more than I can say for anyone else. He’s having a good time and well…good for him. There is some genre-typical racism in the movie which is a pain in the ass and one really what-the-fuck scene that I wish hadn’t happened. The conflict kind of suffers from Suicide Squad-syndrome in that it’s too big for its britches. There was no need to have it be a destroy-the-world kind of movie. It could have been destroy a town. That would have worked. Also The Weapon™ is stupid and ridiculous and makes no sense and is basically just a bomb in the form of Dragon Balls. It’s not the worst movie on here by far, but it’s not good. It was at least mercifully short and had a few fun moments littered throughout. I wasn’t suffering while watching it by any means. It didn’t really do much for my opinion of DC movies though fjskal;j

Warnings: Some blood and violence. Also the scene where Hex gets healed has strangely disturbing imagery that kind of came out of nowhere.

Recommend?: No, but it’s not the worst thing out there.

A Dangerous Method (Carl Jung)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: Carl Jung takes on a new patient named Sabina Spielrein who is seemingly hysterical, but also very intelligent, even dreaming of becoming a doctor herself one day. Together they work through her past trauma using Dr. Sigmund Freud’s revolutionary “talking therapy” and make excellent progress. Jung encourages Spielrein to pursue her dreams and the two form a strong friendship over the course of their interactions. Some years later, Jung and Freud finally meet, taking on a sort of father-son relationship as would be expected. Some of Freud’s ideas trouble Jung, especially concerning the relationship between him and Spielrein. However, Freud’s predictions come true when Jung and Spielrein start up an affair in spite of Jung’s initial resistance. The remainder of the film follows the disintegration of both these relationships, while also touching on the career paths of all three doctors.

Some Thoughts: This is a really excellent movie. I hadn’t heard really anything about it, but after watching it I’m really surprised I haven’t? It’s definitely one of my favorites on this list. It is a thought-piece and is a little bit more slowly paced, but that didn’t really bother me. It is a highly sexual film in nature, so that might be off-putting but it’s also fascinating. The interactions between the characters are interesting and it’s unclear where the story is going (in a good way…I mean that it wasn’t super predictable). I really….don’t like Freud at all and I was sort of worried that would ruin the movie for me, but it didn’t bother me much. No one escapes this movie uncriticized, which is good. I really, really like Kiera Knightley and she does an excellent job playing Spielrein. She sinks into the role well and pulls it off convincingly. I was impressed with how they handled her character actually. Fassbender did a good job as Jung as well. I almost think playing a real person helps him to get into character more completely sometimes. I liked watching the evolution of the relationship between Jung and Freud, some of their conflicting ideas, how they interact. The movie brings up a lot of interesting ideas, and sort of shows a bit how the fields of psychology and psychoanalysis developed. It might just be because I’m interested in the topic that it appealed to me so much? It’s a very solid and very nice-looking film as well so I’m a little surprised it doesn’t get that much attention. Is it because Fassy has a dumb mustache the whole time? It’s the mustache isn’t it.

Warnings: The nurses at the mental institution treat Spielrein a bit roughly sometimes when she won’t cooperate but it never escalates to full-on abuse. There is a lot of sexual content in this movie as well, so maybe take a peek at the parental advisory on IMDb before watching if that bothers you.

Recommend?: If you’re fine with the warnings, yes. I’d really say give it a chance if the subject interests you. I think it’s a movie that deserves more attention overall.

Blood Creek (Wirth)

Rating: 3/10 (that’s me being generous and taking into account the other worst movie on here)

Quick Summary: This fuckign movie I swear to god…………. It has the dumbest conceit physically possible. So Nazis want to take over the world or whatever and to insure their success they decide to go snooping around in the occult. They discover that our great Nordic ancestors have left these rune stones (more like rune walls but whatever) inexplicably around rural America and deploy some guys to go look for them and learn how to do that. They do this by paying farm families to take in the men. One family takes in Richard Wirth unknowingly and immediately regrets the decision. Flash forward to some indiscriminate time in the future, Forgettable Protagonist #1 has somehow lost his brother, Forgettable Protagonist #2, in a river or some shit and he’s very Sad over it. Then one night FP #2 returns! He drags FP #1 out with him to do some Secret Thing and FP #1 goes because of Familial Guilt. They end up at the farm where apparently people have been disappearing for years. The family’s still alive and immortal thanks to Wirth. They help him catch people to eat for their own safety. Unfortunately FPs #1 and #2 have arrived just before a lunar eclipse! This is Bad because through muttering and blood Wirth plans to open a literal third fucking eye in the middle of his fucking forehead to ~reach the beyond~ as one of the farmers explains after FP #1 demands an explanation four hundred times. But it can only be done during a lunar eclipse!!!! Which is tonight!!!!!! Anyway they have to stop him or whatever and also he can bring shit back to life with his muttering.

Some Thoughts: ….this movie is fucking stupid. Also it probably wins for hardest one for me to watch because it’s kind of a gore fest. I thought it was the worst one on here but………shockingly no. Its narrative might be really, REALLY stupid, but it at least makes sense. It has a plot. It’s a dumbass plot, but it’s a plot. The lighting is atrocious in this movie and so is the cinematography in general, but considering the director I guess that’s to be expected. It’s inexplicably in black and white for like the first ten minutes then flips to color to show time has passed. Get it. There’s a lot of shaky-cam and super dark shots which, while a sort of relief since it means you can’t see anything, it also means that you can’t fucking see anything. This movie rides the edge of almost being funny sometimes which can be kind of enjoyable, but really it’s just over the top but not in an entertaining way. There is an actual zombie horse in this movie which busts through the wall and proceeds to attack the family and it’s played deadass straight. Also the CGI is ridiculous at some points. There’s a lot of yelling for no reason and people refusing to explain anything. When people finally stop yelling and explain stuff you sort of wish they hadn’t because a) nothing they’re saying actually helps you understand what’s happening, they’re just saying words together in approximations of sentences and b) it’s so ridiculous that you might as well just not have known. I can’t say it was actually that scary, just kind of nauseating because of all the blood and gore, though that was partially just me. I’m usually okay with that stuff, but this one was too much. That’s really subjective so keep that in mind I guess. I really can’t imagine what this movie is good for except if you like really stupid horror movies and don’t care about the blood? Even then there has to be better ones you could pull for your bad movie night. I guess Fassbender as Wirth is sufficiently intimidating, though really it could be anyone in that makeup and he has about four total lines that aren’t muttering. (I guess kudos to the makeup team….they did their job fine.) This was seriously in my top spot for Actual Worst Movie on this list. The fact that it got topped sort of tells you how horrible the other one was but….we’ll get to that soon enough.

Warnings: Lots of blood and gore. Also animal death. And rebirth but mostly death. Just gross shit in general. Also CGI zombie horse.

Recommend?: Don’t do it buddy. I suffered so you could live—save yourself.

Slow West (Silas)

Rating: 5/10

Quick Summary: A boy named Jay is riding across the Old West™ in search of a girl named Rose he’s infatuated with who moved from their home of Scotland to America. Along the way he runs into a Silas, a gruff, quiet man who all but forces Jay into paying him to act as a guide and bodyguard on his travels. Jay doesn’t have much choice but to accept and the two set off. Jay is idealistic and pretentious, particularly when it comes to his ideas of love and Silas is uninterested in forming personal connections, so the two don’t get along well. Still, begrudgingly they form a bit of a father-son relationship as they go. Truthfully, Silas has his own reasons for helping Jay outside of making a quick buck: Rose and her family have a fairly large bounty on their head. Along the way, however, they run into a group of bounty hunters Silas used to “drift” with who are also hunting Rose and her father and Silas begins to have a change of heart.

Some Thoughts: I really wanted this movie to be good. In fact, I sort of thought it would be? Ultimately it was pretty disappointing. It’s a really well-shot movie, but it’s sort of a case of interesting concept, poor execution. None of the characters speak like normal people in this movie. Jay is our protagonist, but he’s often insufferable at the best of times. He’s meant to be young and stupid with stars in his eyes, but it gets irritating after a while. He’s chasing after his manic pixie dream girl who’s already moved on without him and probably didn’t like him that much in the first place, but the movie doesn’t really address his flaws or do much with him at all. Silas is kind a stereotypical tough guy who’s been forced to harden his heart to survive, but we learn almost nothing about him so it’s difficult to be very sympathetic to his cause other than he’s much less insufferable than Jay. There was so much opportunity for interactions between the two of them, but?? They really fell flat. There’s a couple short exchanges but there were entire conversations missing from this movie that could’ve helped to develop characters and relationships. More than anything it needed some good fleshing out. A lot of stuff just sort of happens in the film as well and you have to accept it. Silas showing up and extorting Jay is funny but also completely unexplained. At one point a German dude in the middle of a field steals all of Jay’s belongings after they talk a while and is never mentioned again. The group of bounty hunters Silas left seem interesting, but we don’t ever get to learn about them. More than anything, the movie is made up of long shots of people riding across landscapes and that’s about it. There’s no real heart in it and it’s really a shame because it could have been something great. It’s not the worst one on here, but it’s definitely the definition of mediocre.

Warnings: Some blood and violence, mostly due to shoot-outs. Nothing too horrible.

Recommend?: Not really. I guess if you want to see it it wouldn’t hurt since it’s short but it’s nothing special.

Song to Song (Cook)

Rating: 4/10

Quick Summary: This movie is...sort of plotless but I’ll try anyway. Basically it follows the romantic/sexual escapades of a woman named Faye, as well as those of the people she becomes involved with. Faye is a skinny, white, quirky hipster-type living in Austin, Texas for some reason doing very little other than standing around and thinking about how messed up she really is. She begins with Cook who is a Douchebag with basically no redeeming qualities and therefore, by default, a music producer who seemingly ruins everyone who comes near him. Meanwhile she starts seeing BV who at least seems like a decent person if also completely lacking in personality. The rest of the film really is just about their relationships and is mostly composed of very pretty if unrelated shots of the actors standing around posing and wanking on about love/sex and the meaning of life or whatever.

Some Thoughts: From what I can gather this is sort of film is kind of typical of this director. The movie is sort of a collage of unrelated shots, all of which are very beautiful, but that’s about as deep as it goes. There isn’t really any normal interaction between characters, just monologues where characters philosophize about pretentious topics for hours without ever really saying anything of meaning. Really there aren’t characters in this movie, just paper-thin facsimiles of characters. They run around doing quirky things like writing in lipstick on a mirror and chasing each other around the middle of the desert, but never actually interact in any normal way. The narrative is there, sort of, but it’s not interesting in the least. Really it’s a vapid bunch of nothing with a shiny topcoat sprayed on. By forty minutes in I was exhausted and this thing is two hours and ten gotdamn minutes long. I think if it was a shorter maybe it’d be a little more excusable? Probably not. It’s the sort of film you’d expect from a pretentious film student in an attempt to create True Arte and there’s definitely an audience for that sort of meaningless, shallow thing, but not much. It was just sort of exhausting to sit through in the end. It’s never explained why anyone is the way they are, particularly Cook who I guess has been Ruined by the Music Industry and poisoned by Greed or something. I guess I should point out that all this is accompanied by some decent music and is supposedly set against the background of Austin’s music scene. It has nothing original to say and goes on for way too long. Yet another in the category of “look pretty and do as little as possible.”

Warnings: Lots of sexual themes, drug usage, and warning for themes/mild depictions of self-harm. Also just warning for the pure lack of substance this “movie” has.

Recommend?: No, don’t subject yourself to this. If you want to watch an Art movie, there are better ones and shorter ones to boot.

Angel (Esmé)

Rating: 4.5/10 (the variance in my ratings leaves something to be desired I’m sure but a lot of these really are just okay)

Quick Summary: Angel is a young, self-righteous aspiring writer who succeeds in her dream of becoming a great author and gets rich doing so. Because of this she meets Nora and Esmé, brother and sister. She becomes good friends with Nora who is a great fan of hers, even taking her on as a personal assistant. In contrast, she fawns after Esmé, a typical tortured artist sort whose paintings are misunderstood by the general public and whose attitude leaves something to be desired in spite of Nora’s warnings that he’s something of a playboy. Angel flatters her way into a relationship with him, mostly by pretending to like his art and the two end up engaged and married. After the initial honeymoon stage, Esmé begins to lose interest in Angel who is as narcissistic and vapid as ever. A war begins and he goes to fight in it despite Angel’s protests, which turns out to be only the beginning of the troubles their relationship faces.

Some Thoughts: This movie is a melodrama straight up. It rides the edge of humorous sometimes, but could have done with a bit lighter of a tone in my opinion. In a lot of ways it was a breath of fresh air after the complete lack of any normal human emotion in the past two movies I’d watched (more so in Song to Song but still) so I probably was little more endeared to it than I would have been otherwise. Really I was sort of hoping for a Meg Ryan-esque movie where Fassbender was the alluring man-prize and Angel was the witty, endearing protagonist chasing after him. But……that is not what happened. Angel herself really…is not a likeable character. She’s rude and narcissistic and shallow and she’s rewarded for it. She gets everything she could ever want and never learns or changes until the very end and even then it’s arguable how much she actually learned. As a child she’s insufferable and she just never grows up. Esmé is an asshole and very much the stereotypical misunderstood artist type. His paintings are dark and therefore a reflection of his empty soul you see. Angel panders to him and at first it sort of seems like they deserve each other since they’re both awful. Ultimately Esmé wins out for biggest piece of shit however which maybe garners Angel a bit of sympathy. Nora and the editor are both decently likeable characters and the scenes with them in them aren’t the worst. I sort of liked Esmé and Nora’s relationship in that they actually acted like siblings most of the time. It’s just a sort of silly melodrama with a couple of strange dark elements thrown in without explanation. The backgrounds when they’re driving around are hilarious, I’ll give them that. But otherwise, the protagonist is annoying and learns nothing and that’s a pretty big issue. If you don’t mind melodramas/soap operas maybe you’d like it okay? Otherwise it’d probably just be irritating after a while.

Warnings: Attempted r*pe and depictions of suicide. Also ridiculously fake backgrounds

Recommend?: Not really

The Counselor (The Counselor)

Rating: -300/10 1/10

Quick Summary: I couldn’t explain this movie to you if you paid me actual money. It has no conceivable plot. It’s about drugs, supposedly, but who could say for sure? Unfortunately someone messes with the drugs which makes people not happy which means something Bad is going to happen, but off-screen somewhere, you know, where all interesting things in this movie happen. Brad Pitt is there. So is Penelope Cruz until she gets fridged. Michael Fassbender is The Counselor™ and that’s literally all I can tell you about his character or part in this movie. Even this much is probably speculation. It doesn’t matter anyway nothing fucking matters let’s just move on please god I’ve wasted too many brain cells on this already—

Some Thoughts: FUCK THIS MOVIE AND ITS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES. I thought Blood Creek was the worst…….how little I knew….. this really was the worst, and by worst I mean The Fucking Worst. This may well be the worst movie I’ve ever seen. This movie make Suicide Squad look like a masterwork in cinema. Its plot is completely incomprehensible. It seems as if they filmed everything, cut the parts they didn’t like, accidentally deleted it, then said “Fuck it” and just scooped everything up they’d cut off the editing room floor and used that instead. The cinematography was horrible. The lighting was shit. The dialogue is atrocious. It goes nowhere and is baffling constantly. The characters just stand around and ramble on like they’re all in freshman philosophy class. You don’t know anyone or why anything’s happening. I swear to god they never tell you what’s happening or why. Not once. They never explain anything beyond the fact that there are some drugs and then something goes wrong with the drugs. What? Who knows. How? Like we’d fucking deign to tell you. People come on screen who you’ve never seen before and never will again. Nothing in this movie matters. The characters are all sex-obsessed and insufferable. Everyone in the cast deserved better than this movie, even Brad Pitt who’s playing Billy Ray Cyrus as a drug lord. I have never seen Fassbender so fucking checked out of a movie. Usually even when everyone else is dragging along he’s putting in some effort, but not here and god do I not blame him. His character is just…..inexcusable. He does nothing but stand around and ask dumbass questions. Nothing ever happens to him. HE IS THE TITLE CHARACTER OF THIS MOVIE AND HE DOES NOTHING. BRAD PITT DOES MORE THAN HE DOES. He just listens to other people talk and then is sad. Boy is he sad. We don’t know what he does or how he does it or how he got into this or why the fuck we should even care. He doesn’t even have a real name. Poor fucking Penelope Cruz is in this mess as well and is nothing but an object for man-pain. I’d also like to point out how ridiculously sexist and pretty racist this movie is?? Because it is. Cameron Diaz…..I’m so sorry sweetie……. There are no words for how horrible your treatment is this movie is. You see, she’s terrible because she’s a Bad Woman and therefore Evil and Conniving. She uses her Womanly Wiles against poor innocent men who don’t know any better. No words could describe how terrible this movie is. The fact that anyone would try to defend it is beyond me. I’m cannot believe I wasted two hours of my own human life on this nonsense. This one really is the worst of the worst, the indubitable worst movie on this entire list which, considering some of its competition, is mind-boggling. Blood Creek at least has a plot, stupid as it is. It knew what it was going for. Things happened and made sense. You couldn’t pay me to sit through this again. I have no idea what Scott was going for and I don’t want to know. I fully plan to repress this movie from my mind and never think about it again. Next person to mention it to me again will be blocked so help me god I don’t want to hear another word about it ever. This topic is banned for eternity.

Warnings: There aren’t enough warnings in the world that could prepare you for this shit

Recomm—I BEG OF YOU DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SAVE YOURSELF IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY WATCH THE ROOM OR SOME SHIT IF YOU WANT THAT KIND OF LAUGH THIS IS EXCRUTIATING DO NOT PAY TO SEE THIS PLEASE I SUFFERED SO YOU COULD LIVE HEED MY WARNING, YE WHO VENTURE HERE. PRESERVE YOUR INNOCENCE AND AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS PLEAS—

The Light Between Oceans (Tom Sherbourne)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: Tom Sherbourne returns home after several years fighting in the war and takes a job watching over the lighthouse on Janus, a small remote island. It’s a lonely job, but one Tom welcomes readily enough. Before he leaves he meets Isabel Graysmark and the two become interested in one another. When he returns again in order to accept an offer to keep the job for a longer period of time, they go out together and begin a romance. They send letters back and forth when Tom returns to the island and eventually get engaged and marry. Isabel moves out to Janus with Tom and the two are happy. They try to start a family with little success. After two miscarriages Isabel is discouraged and somewhat depressed as having children is very important to her. As if by fate, right after they lose the second baby a boat washes ashore on the island carrying a dead man and an infant which somehow survived. They take in the baby for the time being and Isabel is ecstatic, but Tom warns that they must report the incident and turn the child in. Isabel is desperate however and the two end up conspiring to keep it a secret and pass the child off as their own, burying the man despite Tom’s continued guilt and protests. Little do they know this will lead to greater consequences than either could have ever imagined.

Some Thoughts: In spite of the mixed reviews this movie got, I really enjoyed it? It was the first decent movie I’d watched in a while during this escapade so that might have contributed to it, but I thought it was a really enjoyable, if bittersweet story. It is a romance, but it’s also a drama and it’s not really that predictable. It’s a beautiful movie and an original story, at least to me. I agree that it’s sort of slow-paced, but I didn’t mind it. It sucked me in from the beginning and held my attention until the very end. The chemistry between Alicia Vikander and Fassbender is obvious, and the beginning of the movie is almost sweeter now that they’re married. They make a lovely couple on screen and off. I really don’t relate at all to Isabel’s desires or motivations, but she was still a sympathetic character and Vikander did a great job playing the role. I was glad to finally see a movie of hers. It was also kind of nice to see Fassbender play a genuinely good person, not that I don’t usually enjoy his armada of morally grey parts. It was just a change of pace I appreciated. I thought everyone’s motivations were clear and I was excited to see where the movie would go with itself. It definitely got some tears out of me and while it’s an emotional ride, I don’t think it was overdone necessarily. The ending was as good of one as I could have hoped for considering the plot of the thing. It was a strong film with strong performances in my opinion. I enjoyed it even though I’m usually not one to favor straight-up romances. I’d also like to add that seeing that shit mustache shaved off on screen was incredibly cathartic and this movie deserved an award for including that scene alone.

Warnings: The miscarriages might be off-putting for some people but otherwise, it’s pretty clean.

Recommend?: Yeah, if you like dramas at all, this is a good one.

Haywire (Paul)

Rating: 5.5/10

Quick Summary: Mallory Kane is a special-ops agent of some sort working for a private company. She’s known for being very good at her job, and is hired to rescue a hostage in Barcelona. The operation goes smoothly enough, and she decides to take a break, but is approached immediately afterward by her boss Kenneth. He begs her to take one more quick job in Dublin, working with an MI6 operative. She agrees begrudgingly since she has plans to quit her current job and move on, and heads out. However, once she arrives she finds herself suspicious of the operative Paul and their mission. Her suspicions are soon confirmed as she finds herself under attack without warning from all sides, forcing her to go on the run where she both struggles to survive and find out who wants her out of the way and why.

Some Thoughts: I was actually really interested in this movie, just from the premise and it turned out to be alright. I wouldn’t say it was disappointing, but it wasn’t anything special. Forgettable is probably the operative word. It sort of felt like a 90s movie for some reason, and as though it had a smaller budget than it actually had. Still, even if the execution was kind of shaky with the acting usually mediocre at best in spite of many big names taking part, the concept was one after my own heart. I really like female-led action/spy movies and I gave it props sort of because of that. This movie sort of felt like a precursor to something like Atomic Blonde which was similar in concept but better executed, having come out more recently. Gina Carano is really incredible, just in general, and she plays Mallory. I believe she did most of, if not all her own stunts and that’s always amazing to me. She is as stoic as any James Bond-type and, shockingly, is not sexualized at any point in the film. Frankly Fassy probably won that award since in the 15 minutes or so he was on screen he managed to come out wearing only a towel for no discernible reason. Fassbender has another bit part here, probably even smaller than the one in Inglourious Basterds. He’s fine and just more of a plot device than anything else, on and off screen real quick. It is true that a lot of the characters are plot devices and not that complex. The plot is all eventually explained, but it walks a binary of being too obvious and then too vague. The cinematography was sort of strange, as was the music. It was oddly silent for the most part, like they shot a scene then forgot to add the soundtrack. What music is there is sort of ambient and ill-fitting usually. It was pretty short and that helped it not be weaker than it was. Sort of another nice concept, not great execution sort of film.

Warnings: It’s rated R but it has no reason to be imo. The violence is moderate. There is fighting but not a ton of blood. I was dead-ass serious when I say the most risqué thing was Fassbender’s towel scene.

Recommend?: I guess in the same way I recommended Centurion, if you’re just looking for something to watch this one isn’t the worst. Maybe watch it to see Carano at work.

Assassin’s Creed (Cal Lynch)

Rating: 5.5/10

Quick Summary: Cal Lynch finds himself on death row having been charged and found guilty of murder. Just as he is about to be euthanized, he finds himself rescued and drug off into a strange facility. There he meets Sofia who insists he’s been saved to help them in their quest to bring an end to all violence in humanity. He resists but is forced to help them anyway. He finds himself attached to a machine called the Animus which links him to his ancestor, Aguilar and allows his memories to be viewed. Aguilar is part of a group of people who call themselves assassins. They fight against the Templars in a battle for free-will. The rest of the movie plays out as Cal struggles with his past and must choose between helping Sofia by going against everything his ancestors stood for or becoming an assassin himself.

Some Thoughts: Some background: I was probably, somehow, the perfect person to watch this movie. I assume there are others like me, but probably very few. The thing is, I have really positive memories about Assassin’s Creed. It holds nostalgia for me because I used to like watch my dad or brother play it, but never played it myself because I’m Shit at video games. Therefore, I know nothing about the plot and thus can’t contradict them for getting stuff wrong, but have a fondness for the series that would make me interested to see the movie nonetheless. I suspect that’s why I didn’t hate it as much as everyone else. It really isn’t the worst thing ever. I would say I even enjoyed the first three-fourths or so. The last fourth was a mess, but I’ll get to that. It felt like a strange case of poor concept, good execution. All the acting was really good. I can’t believe they dragged Marion Cotillard into this, but boy did they. She did a great job as usual at least. Her arc really was the more complete one in comparison to Cal’s. Fassbender does a good job as well. I actually kind of enjoyed the fight scenes, endless cutting notwithstanding, and you could tell a lot of work went into them. The atmosphere and cinematography was nice I thought, or at least reminiscent of the game. I could tell they were trying to make it look similar. The actual plot was where it fell flat. The McGuffin was stupid and made no sense whatsoever. The whole idea of violence and free-will being genetic is really dumb and sort of offensive? I don’t know if that was part of the original plot or not, but still.

Cal’s arc really made no sense. (Also jeez, what a shitty time they give him, dragging him straight off death row, into a strange place, straight into a weird gigantic machine….) The first half was fine, you get why he’d want to go back in the Animus and screw the assassins, but then he suddenly changes his mind. That flip, along with the ghost parents and all the other assassins suddenly trusting him after he fucked them over makes no sense and was not explained. The whole end scene was inexplicable. How’d they get there? Why’d they all go if Cal was only gonna kill the one guy? The fact that it was a clear bid for a sequel was….unfortunate and embarrassing. Overall, it wasn’t the worst. I do think people are being a little hard on it, but I’m probably biased since I really don’t know what they got right and what they didn’t. As a layman, it was tolerable. I was expecting it to be The Worst, and since my expectations were so low, I ended up having an okay time.

Warnings: None really. Maybe some blood, but it’s a pretty clean movie.

Recommend?: Not really

BONUS

A Bear Named Winnie (Harry Colebourn)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: Harry Colebourn is part of the Canadian army being deployed to help fight in World War I when, on the way, he finds and saves a bear cub from being skinned. Unable to leave her, he brings her with him, naming her Winnie and declaring her the division’s mascot. Responses from superiors range from begrudgingly accepting to upset and demanding he get rid of her, but he keeps her around anyway. The division grows to love Winnie and Winnie becomes fully domesticated. This poses a problem when they have to head to the front and are unable to take Winnie with them. Harry and the others must find somewhere she can be safe and live a good life without them.

Some Thoughts: I thought I was done but…..this one was free on prime and it just looked too cute to pass up. Really this is a kids’ movie but it’s really adorable and pure. The bear cubs are actual bear cubs and they’re great. It’s like a horse movie, or a dog movie, but with bears, which makes everything hilariously ridiculous because they’re just going around with an actual-ass bear acting like it’s all chill and not a problem. Fassbender is so young in this it’s fun to watch after seeing all the other ones. If you’re interested in just watching him play with bear cubs for an hour and a half this is the movie for you, and really, who wouldn’t? The army subplots in the background are….kind of stupid and go nowhere but again, it’s a kids’ film so that’s sort of to be expected. It’s actually based on a true story and Winnie is the bear who Winnie the Pooh was based off of which makes it that much more adorable. Really it’s just a heart-warming, good time if you like animal movies. I cried at the end because I……am not allowed to watch animal movies I swear to god even happy ones destroy me. I clearly have nothing bad to say about it, it’s cute and good and free. This was the True Good End to the Fassathon we all deserved.

Warnings: None this is seriously the cleanest movie on this list. It’s rated PG or some shit which is unheard of….

Recommend?: Yes it’s really cute

(previously: pt. 1 / cont. in pt. 3)

[buffster]

Ted (BTVS 2.11)

This is part of my ongoing Buffy Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the show. You can find the full list here. Gifs are not mine.

Ted stands out as one of the masterfully told high-school-as-horror episodes. If you’re a child of two loving, committed parents you might find this episode boring or just creepy. But if you’re (like me) the child of a single mother who’s brought a Ted-ish home, this was an amazing episode. The experience of dealing with a new potential father-figure personified into a serial killing robot was just…awesome.

Buffy doesn’t exactly meet Ted under the best of circumstances. She walks in on him kissing her mom. Ted instantly bonds with Willow and Xander (offering to give Willow brand new computer software and feeding Xander) while her mom explains she met him when he updated her computers at work. He is charming and says all the right things about caring for Joyce and wanting Buffy to be okay with it. But as the episode continues he darkens.

Willow and Xander don’t miss that Buffy immediately wants to dislike Ted. They mention Sigmund Freud: separation anxiety, the mother being taken away, conflict with the father figure…the last Buffy promptly rejects. Buffy turns out to be right about his being supernatural, but it would have been interesting to see her deal with a man she just didn’t like.

Jenny and Giles make up in this episode. At first Giles goes to check on her and she asks for space, saying he makes her feel bad for not feeling better. But she feels guilty for hurting his feelings and goes to apologize. They are then attacked by vampires. She accidentally shoots Giles with a crossbow and the whole experience seems to shake her out of her trauma. Xander and Cordelia are still making out but she wants it to remain secret.

Angel’s sources (who are Angel’s sources?) say the Order of Taraka’s hit on Buffy is out. So that plot is over for good. Apparently Angel can contact his sources while resting at his place and being cared for by Buffy. Angel tries to get her to see that loneliness is awful and asks if she’d be happy with any man that her mother brought home. Buffy instinctively says “My dad?” but knows that isn’t going to happen. I liked the realistic childishness of that moment. She can’t help but desire the return of her typical nuclear family.

When Ted asks to take Willow, Xander, Buffy, and Joyce out to play miniature golf we see the first signs of his intrusiveness. He comments that Buffy’s grades “should be picking up soon” and intervenes when Joyce tries to allow Buffy to cheat at golf. His controlling nature and intercepting of Buffy and Joyce’s regular patterns is every child-of-a-single-parent’s fear. We don’t want things to change. 

There are also nods to abused children within the episode. Ted asks if Buffy wants him to slap that smart ass mouth of hers in private and then turns on his fake smile for Joyce. When Buffy later tries to tell her mother she isn’t believed. I liked how instantaneously Ted and Joyce became a unit and Buffy went from child/friend to just child. That was my experience when my mother dated seriously. Also, Joyce feels she needs someone a bit tougher to back her up because she’s not making much progress with Buffy’s behavioral problems.

Buffy is creeped out enough (and wants him out of the picture enough) to spy on him at his office. She finds a photo of Joyce where Buffy has been folded out of frame on his desk, confirming her worst fears (that the new man will shove Buffy out of the picture). After Ted mentions the possibility of getting engaged at dinner, Buffy sneaks out to slay and work through her feelings. When she returns Ted is waiting in her bedroom in perhaps the creepiest moment of the episode. He’s gone through her things and tries to blackmail her into keeping quiet so he can have his happiness with Joyce. He says he will have her put in a mental institution for believing she’s the Slayer. When she won’t let him leave, he hits her.

Buffy: I was so hoping you’d do that.

When Buffy gets to beat him up I wanted to cheer. It was a great moment because he wanted to take advantage of her vulnerability and she got to kick ass. Who hasn’t wished they had the power to fight authority when made helpless? When Buffy tries to explain what happened to the police after “killing” Ted, they don’t believe her because she doesn’t have any marks on her. Joyce doesn’t rush to comfort Buffy and sends her to her room. I know she was hurting, but I would have liked to see some selfless parenting here.

I want to talk about Faith/Buffy for a second. We very nearly got to see Buffy go through what Faith does this episode. She’s walking around in a daze, wracked by guilt over killing a human with her slayer powers. She accepts responsibility and says “she had no right to hit him like that”. Faith has trouble doing that, but I think the reason is that Buffy trusts the love of her mother and her friends. Faith doesn’t trust that she will be forgiven and accepted. Cordelia brings up what Faith does in season three and asks if there should be different rules for Buffy because she’s the Slayer. Willow says sure, in a fascist society.

Ted reappears and knocks Buffy out. He then goes downstairs to see Joyce and says “Daddy’s here”. Why was she not instantly creeped out? He goes full-on nightmare boyfriend and yells at Joyce for thinking of Buffy and says he doesn’t take orders from women. Ew. Buffy saves Joyce from being kidnapped and finally kills Ted. Afterwards his story is revealed: he was dying and his wife left him, so he built a robot Ted and kidnapped/killed her. The robot Ted continued to bring similar looking women home and repeated the process. One thing I wasn’t clear on: did original Ted intend to kidnap random women or did the robot just continue to do that on it’s own?

The episode ends with things going back to normal for Joyce and Buffy. They plan a man-free evening watching movies. Willow keeps some of the robot parts from Ted’s place. She is fascinated by the genius even as she’s horrified by the man. When questioned she says she “just wants to learn stuff”. Willow has some trouble with the “just because you can doesn’t mean you should” concept. It would have been cool if Warren somehow got the parts from Willow and that’s how he learned to build robots.

Character Notes:

Buffy Summers: When frustrated with Ted, Buffy seeks out vampires. They are her outlet.

Xander Harris: Despite initially liking Ted, Xander is instantly loyal to Buffy and says they have to prove he’s bad to help Buffy out.

Cordelia Chase: Cordelia has a different perspective that helps the Scoobies out. She notices a rug doesn’t go with the decor and that reveals a trap door in Ted’s house.

Dawn Summers: This was an episode that made me think about Dawn’s place in the new memories. Was Ted nice to her? Was she just as taken with him as the Scoobies? Buffy would have been so protective of Dawn in this scenario.