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hischeapcigar · 1 year

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the rock in our throats

Pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x fem reader

Summary: Joel and Y/N face the society reacting to their age-gap.

Word count: 7.2k

Warnings: MISUNDERSTANDING-TROPE, ANGSSSTTTTT, SMUT SMUT (these are definitely not in order or you’ll be spoiled) MDNI

a/n: im back with another Joel fic!!!! This is a whole rollercoaster so buckle up!!! Also know that Snow, Lace girls) and Lock (boy) are three of my OCs, I named them after inanimate objects just so they don’t offend anyone with the same name. <3 comments and reblogs are appreciated.

Feet with their mind of their own carried you downstairs with a speed of light. You had heard Joel’s truck pulled in the driveaway, causing you to abandon the book you were reading to keep your mind from racing about his arrival.

Just as your feet planted on the floor, your eyes fixed on the door as it slightly pushed open revealing the man you had hopelessly fell for two years ago. He hadn’t acknowledged you as he quietly shut the door. Turning around, the pair of warm brown eyes set on you, when he sees you standing there in your pajamas, adoringly staring at him, his face softens.

He dropped his bag, a sigh of relief escaping his lips and within a heartbeat you launched yourself at him. Arms flying around his neck as his hands gripped your waist, steadying you.

“Missed you so much” you mumbled in his neck. He tightened his grip on you at the admission.

Joel had been to San Antonio for a week to negotiate a contract with a customer.

“Me too, baby,” he whispered, bringing his right hand to stroke your hair

You pulled away as you realized he must be tired, but before you could ask anything, he pulled you into him,

“Shouldn’t have stayed up, ‘s late” he placed a kiss on your lips that you were quick to deepen. You sighed as he lightly bit your bottom lip.

“Mmm, couldn’t sleep without knowing you made home safe,” you smiled up at him, “you hungry?”

He shook his head no, loving the way you treated him like a child and cared for him.

“Not hungry, back pain ‘s all, wanna sleep”

You smiled drop as he gently tugged you towards the stairs. Your small hands in his much larger ones. He led you to the bedroom you shared for the past month,

Moving in with Joel after almost two years of hidden relationship was a way to make it official to everyone that you both were together. Though whatever you had anticipated could happen, did happen; continual discussion of your age difference, about him being divorced, about you being naive, about him being a father.

Given that you both placed a high priority on your relationship, you hadn’t truly heard the gossip by your own ears. However, you had observed the glances that were directed towards you on two separate occasions when you and Joel were present at the mart.

His steps halted in front of Sarah's door, “she was good?” he asked over his shoulders.

You nodded your head, “Joel she’s not a kid, of course she was alright,”

He pulled you in the bedroom, as you continued, “Plus i think since i moved in, we’ve bonded even more”

Joel was quick to introduce you and Sarah once you both had confessed the love to each other. And Sarah was quick to welcome you in her life. It was perfect among you three. It was your perfect world. Except that you had to face the world outside your bubble, which was a little too far from perfect.

Joel turned around to peck your cheek, “so proud ‘f my girls”

My girls. You smiled

You were his. You belonged with him. With them. The fact still released butterflies in your stomach.

Joel took off his shirt and winced. Your facial expression displayed a distortion of worry which Joel was quick to observe, “back’s hurtin’ is all, don't worry,'' he smiled as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, pulling your forehead close to his lips to place a chaste kiss.

“We need to get some gel, Joel” you reminded him

This is how you found yourself standing in the mart, in front of the shelf with gels. You had dropped Sarah school before heading here. Joel was asleep when you both left. Sarah wanted to meet her dad but you suggested that she lets him get enough sleep and meet him when she returns from school, to which she happily agreed.

Skimming your eyes through the rack, you found the one you were looking for, Voltarol. You grabbed one and walked toward the counter. You picked a few snacks on the way there.

“y/n?” you heard a lady call your name

Turning around, you met none other than the most gossipy woman of the town, Nancy.

“Hi!” you put on your best fake smile to greet her

“Whatcha got there?” she asked, eyes already prying your arms. You could have taken a basket but snacks weren’t planned.

“Oh, just snacks” you shrugged, you kept your answer short, avoiding the long conversation

“And, what’s that? A gel?” she asked earning a groan from you,

“Yeah, Joel’s got a back pain so i figured-”

“Of course!” she exclaimed startling you

Looking at your furrowed brows, your confused stance she continued, “I mean,” she sang, “Joel’s old. Don’t you think you’re too young to settle for that old man and tend to his back pain?”

Your heart sank at her words, and more at the amount of venom that dripped from that single sentence alone.

“Don’t you think you’re a little too nosy in others’ decisions?” you spat as you moved to the side,

“Jeez, relax! You’re turning into an old grumpy woman. Maybe something about the company-”

You left before she could say more. The longer you stood, she would’ve fed you with her sick mindset.

Of course Joel was old. But that never lessened the love you had for him. You had been with guys around your age and all you ended up with was a broken heart and then came Joel, treating you like a real gentleman would.

You both took sufficient time to make a decision about living together. Your relationship being a secret never attracted comments but once the news spread through the town about you and Joel living together, every other mouth was murmuring about you both.

Staying in most of the time had its perks; you never found out about all the gossip. But it could only last so long.

You paid the cashier before hurrying to your car. Settling in, you took a few deep breaths.

She’s just being mean. I won't let her ruin my day. Her words don’t mean anything. Joel and I love each other, that's what matters the most.

As soon as you closed the door, entering the house, you were met with silence. Joel‘s still asleep.

Placing the snacks on the counter you climbed the stairs, a gel in your hand, and a planned massage for him in your head. You opened the door to see Joel lying on his stomach. With his moments you could tell he had woken up and then his voice sounded,

“Where’d ya go?” eyes closed, he muttered, his voice hoarse. You crossed bed to stand on his side,

“Dropped Sarah, and picked this” you grinned, showing him the gel

He squinted his eyes to read the label, “darlin’ you didn’t have to” he turned around to lay on his back.

“Of course, I had to!” you tapped his legs, urging him to sit up. He obliged without any protest and god did you love it when he was submissive to you, knowing the outside world would never see this soft Joel.

“Still hurtin’? You asked as you noticed a slightest distress in his face as he sat up

“A little” he grunted

You tugged at his shirt, “off” you demanded

“You don’t have to-” he looked up at you as he rubbed his eyes

“I know, Joel. I want to” you softly cut his sentence

He layed back on his stomach again as you straddled his legs. Just having him naked except for sleeping boxers, totally submitting to you, sent a tingle down your core. But you ignored it. Your only focus was to make Joel feel better.

You squirted some gel on your palm, setting the tube on the side,

“I’ve never done this before,” you warned him,

“Neither have I, honey,” his muffled voice giving rise to a small giggle leaving your lips

You carefully splayed your hands on his lower back as you spread the gel. the delicious combination of the hotness of his skin mixed with the coolness of the gel stirred something in your stomach,

Focus. Focus. Focus

You pressed your fingers in his muscles, feeling the knots. He moaned at the relief.

“Felt so good,” he muttered,

You continued massaging his back, digging your fingers wherever you felt the stress. Taking notes of and following what brought him pleasure, you moved your small hands through his back and shoulders. Occasionally scratching his back with your nails and pulling the sounds of pleasure from his throat.

All the sounds he made did not help, but only worsened the condition between your legs. You felt giddy, knowing you made him feel this good.

You only prayed that the wetness between your legs didn’t seep through your thin pajamas and on his skin. Because this was about him and him only. Completely oblivious of Joel's situation underneath you, that after a few digs and dips of your fingers he started getting hard and by this time he was rock hard.

“Baby” he breathed, “st-stop” he started to move, his cock taking control of his brain,

You were startled, immediately getting off of his legs, “did- did i do something wrong?” you asked innocently,

He laid on his back as he stared at the ceiling, his breaths heavy “no darlin’, you did a good job, ‘s jus’-” he huffed as he took your hand and placed it on his member

Your mouth hung open as you felt his cock through his boxers, your mouth salivating just at the imagination,

He looked at you, waiting for you to say something,

“Good thing I know how to take care of that too,” you smirked as you moved to hook your fingers on the waistband of his boxers as you slowly, teasingly, slid them down, closely watching his reaction change.

“That’s my gir- mmph”

As soon as his cock sprang free from its confines your gaze immediately left Joel’s.

His angry reddened tip, decorated with beads of his precum stood hard. You wasted no second in stradling his laps. Your petite fingers wrapped around his member, thumbing on his tip; spreading his leak through the length. You pushed your hair to one shoulder as you bent forward, maintaining eye contact with Joel’s hooded eyes, you kissed the tip, earning a strangled moan.

You smirked, loving the effect you had on him. His eyes begged for more. You hollowed your mouth, taking his length in your mouth. Your fingers toying with his base. The taste of him was the first taste of your day. His hand made its way to your hair, guiding your mouth; in and out.

“Jus’ like that, baby” he praised

He grunted when you twirl your tongue around him, his cock twitching letting you know he’s close.

“Such a good girl, f’ me,” you watched his eyes closed as he bucked his hips in your mouth, losing himself in the pleasure.

You quickly removed your mouth, saliva spilling from the sides of your lips,

“Eyes on me,” you demanded and god did that turn him on

“Y-yes mami, please continue” he struggled to keep his eyes open, with your plush lips wrapped around his thick cock.

He guided his cock to your throat causing you to gag. He smirked, repeating the action until tears spilled from your eyes. He used his free hand, gently wiping the tears.

Perfect combination of rough and soft

You were soaking wet at this point, his dick in your mouth, hand fisted in your hair, and his sinful moans and grunts in your ears.

He guided your head away, as he manhandled you and in a split second your positions were switched. You gasped as your head hit the soft pillow while Joel towered over you, on his knees.

“That…was impressive” you breathed as Joel connected your lips in a feverish kiss.

“I’ve still got some strength y’know,” he mumbled as he pulled away slightly before he captured your lips again. It was nothing soft and slow but all teeth and tongue fighting for dominance.

You would've just giggled at his response but instead you felt a pang of hurt in your chest,

Joel’s old. Her voice rang in your ears as you blinked your eyes to focus in the moment

Joel grumbled tasting himself on you. Too lost in the kiss you missed when his hands slipped to your sides, pulling down your pajamas and panties in one swift motion.

You broke the kiss, “Joel” you took a deep breath, his eyes finding yours, waiting for your command, “fuck me wreckless”

His smirk grew at the command, “yes, m’lady”

His fingers found your cunt in an instant. You moaned at the contact of his calloused fingers with your aching center.

He circled your clit a few times before plunging his middle finger knuckles deep without a warning,

You screamed, “of fuck, Joel-”

“M gonna wreck you, darlin” he grunted as he drove his finger in and out while his thumb pressed on your pussy, making you squirm,

“Nngh feels so good” you moaned,

“So needy, huh?” his eyes glued to throbbing pussy and the juices it squirted,

He added another finger, building the pressure and maintaining the pace. You felt the knot in your stomach tightened.

“Close, mmh Joel, i'm close” you struggled to speak, your knuckles turning white as your gripped the sheets beneath you

You arched into his touch, your legs started to tremble as you felt the climax reach. He used his strong free arm across your stomach to keep you in place as he assaulted your cunt.

“Cum for me, darlin”

And you did, right then and there. You closed your eyes as you screamed his name like a prayer,

“Look at me” he ordered and you blinked away the tears that had formed in your eyes to obey him,

He held your gaze as he lowered his mouth and lapped the juices you had released. He devoured it as the first meal of the day,

“Taste so good,” he mumbled more to himself

He drank every drop until you finished. Your chest heaved as he climbed on top of you and connected your lips,

You both moaned in unison as you tasted yourself on his lips,

“Ready?” he asked as he guided his cock to your entrance

You nodded your head,

“Words” he spat

“Yes, yes Joel, I'm ready!” you whined,

And he slipped in, inch by inch until he was balls deep.

He had fucked you countless times but his size always surprised you and your pussy always hugged him like the first time.

“So fuckin- tight, this pussy,” he grunted as you adjusted to the size

“Move” you croaked and he obliged, setting a slow and steady pace,

“My pussy,” thrust “mine to ruin” thrust, harder, “mine to love,” thrust, harder and faster,

Your walls clenched around him at the words, at the possession,

He had picked up the pace, fucking into you relentlessly. It wasn’t usual he fucked you this hard but you asked for it, and you were glad.

“So thick” you breathed

He sat on his knees as he wrapped your legs around his waist, holding you there, pounding into you through a different angle, brushing your g-spot everytime.

“Right there, yes” you bit your bottom lip,

“Don’t hold back, darlin’ let me hear you” his pace was unbelievable, you felt nothing but him. The coil tightened in your stomach, it was embarrassing how quickly he was pulling another orgasm out of you, splitting you in half,

“Joel, can i cum–”

“Not yet darlin” he stuttered

The feeling was a lot, you tried your best to hold back. The feeling of his cockstretching your walls, his balls tingling your inner thigh in every thrust. Your thighs twitched, as he held them tightly around him,

“Joel, please-” you begged,

His thrusts started to become sloppier, his cock twitched inside you and he nodded,

“C’mon baby, milk my cock,” he urged

That made you trip from the edge and you came, harder. Your mouth forming incoherent words between his name

He never stopped his movement throughout your high, only when you were done did he spill his seeds, covering your insides with his release.

He let go of your legs as he collapsed over you, making sure to shift his weight to his elbows

He looked ethereal, post sex suited him so well. His skin glowing with sweat and morning light. His brown curls were a mess. He placed a lazy kiss on your forehead, then lips, “you ‘kay?” he whispered

You nodded, too blissed out to reply verbally. Too much in awe of his soft, sweet side.

He pulled his cock out and you both winced. He pecked your overstimulated cunt once causing you to shiver before he left for a cloth.

He cleaned both of you, murmuring praises on your skin as he wiped your legs.

“Wrecked ya, huh?” he said as he observed your fucked out state,

You hummed in response, “forgot you even had a back pain”

“What back pain?” he feigned confusion as he tossed away the cloth, causing you to giggle

You knew you couldn’t share your encounter with Nancy at the mart, you knew he was already silently insecure about the age gap.

Joel was quick to return to work after his trip to San Antonio. He headed to a bar with Tommy before returning home. The brothers conversed about a deal that Joel had made.

“Hey, there’s Frank, wanna come?” Tommy said, looking over Joel’s shoulder.

Joel turned his face to see Frank talking to a woman before bringing his attention back to his neat whiskey,

“No, ‘m a’right here” He grumbled, watching Tommy leave from his peripheral vision

He downed his half empty cup before he ordered another. He zoned out looking at his whiskey, his fingers tracing the rim of the glass.

A low grunt beside him caught his attention, turning his face and he was met with Arthur ordering his liquor.

Joel returned his gaze to his whiskey and taking a sip,

“Howdy, Joel? How was San Antonio?” Arthur asked

“Was fine, made a deal” Joel replied, already wanting an out from his company. His head is already cloudy from drinking.

“And how’s ya little thing doing?” Arthur leaned, instantly causing Joel to lean away. He wasn’t sure he heard it right

“What?” Joel barked,

“Ya know,” Arthur swung his wrist gripping the glass of whatever he ordered, he shrugged, “that sweet little y/n-”

“Watch your mouth” Joel growled

“All i’m saying is she’s too young, deserves someone who can actually take care ‘f her” if Arthur was any sober he would’ve shut up after Joel’s first warning, but he just mindlessly continued,

Joel’s bore a hole on the side of his head with his intense gaze, his grip tightening on the glass as he watched Arthur speak, “jus’ feel bad for her, stuck with you–”

Joel gathered Arthur’s collar in his hand,

POW!

Joel’s fist collided with Arthur’s jaw in a swift motion.

“- and when i told Chris about it, he was equally appalled and said, no offense” Lace lightly held your arm before quoting her boyfriend, “it’s a phase for you and that you’d get over Joel, either way its- ” you gaze shifted to Snow who stood beside Lace, offering you an apologetic smile,

Snow and Lace were your best friends since school. Snow never judged you for your relationship with Joel. Lace, on the other hand, did not always agree with your choices even if she did love you.

“Lace,” you began, cutting her rambles, “i’m happy, isn’t that enough?” you sighed, tears brimming at the corner of your eyes.

The three of you were at Millie’s, one of your mutual friends, birthday party. It was your first public appearance after moving in with Joel. you were too scared to join but Lace and Snow were adamant about you joining them.

Few of the girls asked you weird questions but thanks to your two friends who cornered you to avoid more conversations.

Lace was quick to notice your eyes, as she took your hand, “of course! but-”

“No ‘but’s, we’re done. I think I should head home, it’s pretty late,” Snow announced, your gaze darted to the clock, 11:45 stared back at you.

“Yeah, i’m leaving too-”

“y/n?” it was, Auburn, one of Millie’s friend who you met twice at parties, you knew she cheated on multiple boys just because she thought she was too good for them, “wh- are you guys leaving already?” Auburn looked around the three of you,

“Yeah, can’t stay out late, y’know” Snow carelessly answered as she fished something from her bag, leaving the kitchen

“And let me guess, y/n, you have to go home to your old man?” Auburn directed at you

“Well, at least I have someone to go home to,” you knew it was a cruel jab, but you didn’t care at the moment.

She gasped, clearly taken aback, “Wow, the old man-”

“It’s Joel” you interrupted, to which she only rolled her eyes before continuing,

“Yeah, poor Joel, i mean, having to deal with you every single day, God, i’d be damned”

Before you could reply, Lock showed up at the kitchen door, “hey, I was leaving, ya need a ride? Snow’s in the car” He was one of your close friends.

Lock got a nod from you before you pointed at Auburn, “Maybe you need to grow up,” you muttered, already heading out of the kitchen before you heard her voice, “don’t go falling in love, it’s all about good fuck-” you shut the door behind you,

You quickly got into Lock's car, not bothering to bid anyone goodbye. Your vision was glossy, you held back your tears through the small distance to your house,

It was around 12 when you stepped in the house, the television was on in the living room. You peeked to see sarah on the couch,

“Sarah, what are you doing up?” your voice was harsher than intended,

She jumped and you almost felt guilty for the way you scared her,

“You’ve got school tomorrow, go to bed. Now.” you scolded watching her turn off the tv as she muttered a small ‘sorry’ heading upstairs.

Joel still wasn’t home. And as an unspoken rule, you didn’t want to go to bed without him, like he doesn’t without you.

You removed your earrings, placing them on the table before you slumped on the couch,

The voices in your head growing,

Is this wrong?

Why can’t they keep their noses out of my relationship decisions?

Does Joel feel that I'm way too young for him?

Is he embarrassed too?

The longer Joel took to come home, the louder the voices became,

Does Sarah get questioned about me and Joel?

Does Sarah still like me?

Does Joel still-

You heard the door unlock and you brought yourself up. Joel stumbled in, you knew he had a few drinks. Quickly you got up to hug him and to have him silence the noises in your head,

Too disappointed about your night, you didn’t notice the bandage on his knuckles, or the sour expressions he wore, as you moved your body to hug him,

His figure stiffened against you. His hands coming up to your arm as you shuddered under his touch,

“What’s wrong?” he muttered as he stroked your hair, putting aside his pain to try and heal yours.

You shook your head, not wanting to feed his insecurity, “party was a bit exhausting” you lied

“C’mon baby,” as he moved you both toward the couch, “ya wanna talk about it?”

You straddled his lap burying your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent of whiskey and cigarettes

His hands traced your back softly and you whimpered, you loved Joel so much.

You picked your head up to face Joel. He looked tired. Nevertheless, one of his hands cupped your face and instinctively, you placed a kiss on the inside of his wrist before intertwining your fingers with his, and that's when you felt the skin of bandage under your fingertips,

“What happened?” it was your turn to be concerned

He stayed quiet for a beat, both of you looking in between you, your intertwined hands but feeling miles away emotionally,

“Just a random cut, nothing serious” and it was his turn to lie,

That was the turning point of your relationship.

“C’mon let's go to bed,” Joel suggested,

The next few weeks went by the same. Everywhere you went, they talked shit. Sometimes you defended but other times you were tired of talking back knowing they won’t stop either way.

You noticed how Lace kept pushing Lock to you. Always calling him over when you had plans with her and then leaving quickly so you and Lock can spend some time alone. He was a nice guy, but you only saw him as a friend, nothing more, nothing less. And Joel knew it too.

But oh when he kept getting “with Lock” as your response to his “where ya at”, did he start to feel otherwise. Almost everyday at work he was defending his relationship with you, and after knowing you’re with Lock most of the time, he started believing the criticisms.

“Things alright between you two?” Tommy carefully asked Joel one day,

“Yeah, why?” Joel didn’t remove his gaze from the contract paper in his hand,

Tommy shrugged, “i don’t know, been seeing her with that Lock guy a lot these days so–”

“Look good together, don’t they?” another man chirped in, but as soon as he received a deathly glare from Joel he backed off immediately. But the words stuck with joel, look good together

That night when you clung to him, like you always do, he didn't reciprocate. The voices in his head were getting loud and you weren’t there to silence them.

“Where?” he snarled

It was just another rough night for the two of you. Joel had canceled plans with you because work buddies are insisting on game night , delaying it to the next week. Both of the times Lace and Snow had swung by. With Lace reciting her “you deserve better” mantra.

Earlier this week, Snow had asked you to go shopping for her vacation. And you couldn’t say no, given she had dropped her things just because you were depressed when Joel canceled the plans for the second time.

If he could, why couldn’t you?

“Shopping” you put another popcorn in your mouth as your eyes fixed on the movie.

You were upset. You were mad at him. And the whole week had passed without Joel noticing it. Maybe it was about time.

You felt his eyes on the back of your head. You wanted nothing more than to turn around and make up for the lost time. Clear all the distance that had somehow forged its way between two of you.

But you didn’t. You resisted. You wanted to check your and his limits

“Of course, and Lock is gonna be there” Joel scoffed, placing his hands on his hips where he stood at the back of the sofa you sat on.

That hit the button instead. You exhaled a shallow breath, not believing your ears,

“What is that supposed to mean?” you turned to face him, his typical annoyed stance in display for you; fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You know very well,” his eyes met yours for a brief second, before he moved to exit

To say you were furious was an understatement. You abandoned your popcorns and movie as you scurried away to chase him,

He faced the cabinets before he heard your angry stomping in the kitchen.

“What the fuck, Joel?” you barked

He just stood there, leaning against the counter. His arms folded against his chest as he glared back at you,

Frustration bubbled inside of you. Taking a step closer, you let the anger get the best of you,

“You fucking canceled on me for sake of your buddies,” you were fuming, “you didn’t even notice me being upset” you voice rose with every sentence, “and now you’re accusing me?!”

“Lower your fucking voice!” he roared causing you to shudder,

“You’re unbelievable, Miller” you back stepped to the door of the kitchen before you left

As soon as you stepped out of kitchen you spotted Sarah sitting on the sofa hugging her legs,

“You guys are fighting again?” she mumbled

Your heart shattered at her state. You were quick to sit by her side, engulfing her in your arms,

“Oh no, honey,” you kissed her hair, “it’s just- you know- we don’t always agree on the things” you caressed her hair

She sniffled, facing you, “so- so you’re not leaving, right?” her wet eyes shining with hope and that was not helping to your breaking heart,

Your throat tightened so you stuck with shaking your head ‘no’ and a tight smile

Few minutes had passed and Sarah was already asleep on your shoulder. You calmly woke her so she doesn’t hurt her neck in that position. Tucking her in the bed, you closed her door and were met with Joel.

He stood there, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He jerked his head in the direction of your shared bedroom, asking you to join him, and so you did.

Once the door closed, he turned to you, grasping your small hands in his,

“I’m sorry” he croaked, “for everything,”

You looked up at him and gave him a sincere smile as you nodded, “let’s go to sleep,”

None of you talked about your feelings. None of you shared about the insecurities that you both had regarding each other. None of you reached out for the other to cuddle.

“I’ll wait outside, you can grab whatever you need, yeah?” Joel said as he digged his wallet for his card

You only nodded as taking the card and hopping out of his truck, rushing into the mart.

Joel lit a cigarette as he watched you from the driving seat. He knew this was all wrong. It was a lose-lose situation. He couldn’t be with you openly, scared of more rude comments towards you (he could manage the ones thrown at him) but still everyone was aware of your relationship and hence, bringing up the topic out of nowhere.

You, on the other hand, were embarrassed, feeling Joel didn’t want to be seen with you. You both had moved past the point of discussing your feelings and knee-deep in the mess

Once you returned, Joel tried to reach for your hand but you were quick to pull away. It was like a reflex and you almost regretted it. Almost.

He cleared his throat in an awkward way, “uh- you’re still up for Bill and Frank’s party tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but I’ll go there with,” you swallowed, too hard to push the words out of your mouth, “with Lace,”

Joel took a double look at you, “uh, any specific reason?” he asked trying his best to stay calm,

“Yeah, she wanted me there to help her with outfits and make up so i might as well leave with her,” you shrugged, nervously tugging on your nails.

“Okay,” he said lowly, almost as a whisper,

“Don’t make dinner tonight” Joel said a few hours after you both had got home,

“Why? Are you with your boys tonight?” No matter how much you tried to keep the anger at bay, somehow it slipped,

Joel sighed, as he walked to you, his eyes trained on you. But your gaze couldn't meet his. As if you were hiding something, like you were not honest, except that you were. You were just fed up with your fights with Joel. Fed up with not sharing thoughts like you used to.

“No, I'll get take-out on my way back,” he said. Your brows furrowed, “We’ll just relax and maybe watch a movie, your choice. How does that sound?” he explained his plans for the night,

You nodded, “okay, sounds good, but can we maybe dine out? There’s this pretty place-”

“Baby, I really want just the two of us, we can go next time, ‘kay?” he pressed his lips on your forehead,

You gave him a tight smile, “sure”

All you wanted was for him to love you openly. All he wanted was to keep you from any and every hurt even if it meant he had to avoid being seen together. If only you both spoke your feelings.

“Honestly, I think he’s not opening up to you because you won’t get it since you’re young, y’know?” Lace said as she fixed her dress, “Do you really think you’re the best match for him? Woman his age are dying to marry him,”

You tried to stop another flood of tears threatening to fall from your eyes. Your eyes were already swollen from the crying you had today at Lace’s because you were watching your relationship with Joel fall apart. It was all perfect when the world didn’t know. The bubble had bursted.

“You’re right,” you sighed,

Joel didn’t really prepare for his appearance as much as he did for the looks thrown his way when he moved with you. You and him didn’t know how to handle the criticisms and that had your relationship at stake.

He arrived at bill and frank’s and eagerly started to look for you. But you were nowhere to be found. He had texted you but there was no response from you. Were you even coming?

He met with his friends and like a habit, everyone asked about you.

He stepped on the front porch, desperately escaping from endless questions and trying to muster up excuses of your absence. Two shots in, he felt his brother hand on his shoulder, “heartbreak?” Tommy asked as he sipped his whiskey,

Joel only grunted in response, not really paying attention to his question, “so when did it happen?”

That had his attention, “what?”

“The breakup and that” Joel followed Tommy’s gaze.

You had just gotten out of the car and stumbled your way inside. Lock’ hand pressed to your lower back as he guided you inside the house. Lace quickly trailing behind you both, struggling with her own dress.

Joel’s lips parted in shock. How could you do this? What was happening? The liquor had started to dizzy his mind.

The look on Joel’s face was enough to let Tommy know that he was oblivious to the situation just like him.

“There’s someone I'd like you to meet,” Tommy said carefully, and convincingly.

Joel eyes took a few seconds before moving from the door from where you had just entered the house,

He just nodded in response, before he chugged the entire bottle in one go.

He was mad. He was disappointed. He was angry. But most importantly, he was hurt. But one thing about him, he was a hard person to go and confront. Why would he do that when he can do things he won’t remember the next morning?

The last sober thought was you. Then the rest was alcohol in his veins controlling his mind.

—-----

You left Lace’s apartment as you hurried to Lock' car.

“Hi, Lace is coming, told me to go,” you said as you greeted him,

Lace took solid 10 minutes before she appeared on the entrance door of the building. Those 10 minutes you listened to Lock talking about some girl he’s madly in love with and will ask her out tomorrow. She was a friend of your friend, she was nice. You were genuinely happy for him.

You were on your way when you checked your phone. You didn’t realize you had missed a text from Joel. You swiped to reply to him, telling him you were on your way. But Lace snatched the phone from you,

“Enough using phone for tonight,” she grinned

You instinctively chased her hand and turned to the backseat. Unknown to you, your dress had stuck in the door.

Rip.

You heard and felt your fabric tearing from your back. With your shocked expression, Lace was concerned,

“I think I ripped my dress from the back,” you said slowly, reaching your hand on your back and you felt your skin. “Oh my god, I just ripped my dress!” you cried,

“Is it something a needle and thread can fix?” Lock asked as he tried to calm the chaos you both had created,

Lace inspected the ripped part, “i think so, i can do it but where do we get the needle and thread?”

“Frank has it,” Lock informed,

Your face was contorted in worry, your phone long forgotten,

“Okay, Lock you cover her way up to the restroom, I’ll go get the things I need from Frank,” Lace ordered as you all got off the vehicle.

And so you all rushed in. Your mind was directed to; will Lace be able to fix my dress?

You didn’t greet anyone as you bolted toward the restroom. Lock stayed outside as you rushed inside. Lace quickly returned and fixed your dress.

“And all done!” she said excitedly

You turned your neck to the mirror to see that indeed she had done a good job.

Leaving the bathroom, you parted ways with Lace and Lock as you went out looking for Joel.

“Hey! Have you seen Joel?” you asked Bill,

“Why yes, he’s finally got some sense back,” he tilted his glass in Joel’s direction,

There stood Joel, no, there swayed Joel in the arms of a stranger. Joel’s arms linked loosely around her as her’s around his neck, pulling him closer,

“perfect match,” Bill added,

Your lips parted to say something but no words came out, “wh-” you began but were immediately cut by Bill as he clicked his tongue and shook his head,

“Don’t go ruining a good thing now, kid,”

You couldn't avert your gaze from the scene in front of you until it was blurred by your tears.

“Excuse me” your voice shook, as you turned away, tears spilling as you ran to the restroom again.

How bad you wished you didn’t leave the restroom, or that you left a little later until he detached himself from her.

Did he really fall out of love? Did he really let them dictate him? You wanted to go and confront but-

You broke down. Bad.

You didn’t mind your makeup, that you put on with precision, smudging. Your knees hit the bathroom floor as you cried your eyes out.

The ringing of the phone caused you to take a break. Taking out the phone more tears fell from your eyes as Joel’s name displayed on your screen.

The ringing ceased and a text followed a few minutes later,

Joel: Where are you?

You scoffed at his text. You wanted to go to him and scream at him. But you didn't want to give in to all the people who told you this was never gonna work. Sure your relationship had gone down the hill since last month. But was ending the relationship really better than running in a circle every other day? Loving Joel only in the boundaries of your house?

You wanted to go home, Joel’s house, and move out. This wasn’t going to work. You had decided. The thought of officially ending the relationship pulled new strings of tears from your eyes as you texted Lace about going home before you stuffed the phone in your purse.

Just like you had entered, keeping your gaze lowered, you left the exact same way. You heard the unmistaken sound of a voice calling your name but you couldn’t stop and turn. No, you kept moving.

You exited the main gate and walked on the side of the street. You were walking quickly, wanting to go away from him as fast as possible. You heard the familiar voice called you again,

“What is it, Joel?” you seethed as you turned around.

You looked horrible, you knew it but you couldn’t care less right now.

Joel eyes widened at your appearance,

“Jus’ wanted to ask, how long have you been with Lock?” he whispered as if even he was ashamed of asking the question. He looked down, prepared for any answer that you had to offer

Your heart dropped at his question, “what?” oh how bad you hoped you heard it wrong,

“Ya heard it,” he muttered, “i saw you both, ‘s okay, i understa-”

Before he could complete his sentence, you had walked up to him, staring deep in his eyes, “are you fucking kidding me right now?” your voice was low but hid a menace beneath it,

Joel stayed quiet, he looked at you but his eyes were empty.

“Are you serious, Joel?” your voice shook, all of your power was used up at keeping your tears from falling,

“How about you tell me about you dancing in someone else’s arms?” your voice rose and you pushed him back, “was that what you've been doing in my absence?!” you hit his chest, “tell me!” your voice wavered and once again the dam broke, “tell me Joel!”

The sides of your fist kept colliding with Joel’s hard chest as you let everything out, “tell me why were you so embarrassed of me? Of us?” joel stayed silent as he received your weak punches and watched the tears stain your face

“Tell me where did we go wrong?” you energy had drained before you slowly uttered the last question

“When did you stop loving me?” that was his last straw, as he held your wrist just as you were pulling away,

“Don’t” he said firmly, “anything but that”

“We’ve fallen apart,” you croaked, “Gonna take a miracle to save us this time-”

“I still love you,” he promised

You shook your head as your released your hands from his grip,

“Then tell me why didn’t I feel loved?” you whispered

Joel once again fell silent, “I-” he shook his head, wanting to wake up from the worst nightmare,

His throat tightened, he wanted to tell you that he wanted to protect you. But your outburst told him the only way you would’ve felt protected was if he held your hand in front of everyone.

He began, not knowing what to say but his mind screamed one thing,

Don't say goodbye, don't say goodbye

You wiped the tears from your face as you took a deep breath,

“Goodbye, Joel”

You turned and walked away as Joel stood still. The wind blew cold against his skin.

Did he throw away the best part of his life?

It’s alright, Just two hearts breakin’ even tonight

You’d go and get on with your life, he’ll get on with his’, broken hearts can’t call the cops, it’s a perfect crime.

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keelifallen · 1 year

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They are so problematic fr

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cxrdycxps · 2 months

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Chapter One • Interruption

⚠️ Smut, f!reader, no y/n used ⚠️

Main Masterlist • Joel Miller Masterlist • Interruption Masterlist

“Happy birthday!” You cheered, passing off the card to the woman of the hour. Sarah smiled, holding her arms out for a hug. You wrapped her up tightly and squeezed before letting go. “You look amazing.”

And she did, the color of her dress made her skin look luminous, her eyes shining brightly. She waved away your compliments, instead turning to the man behind her.

“This is Jason.” She introduced and you smiled, extending your hand to the partner she had told you so much about. “I feel like you two should already know each other.”

“I feel like I do know you.” You laughed when he spoke and released his hand.

“No doubt you heard some pretty choice words about me.” You told him and Sarah smiled ruefully. It was true that as Sarah’s boss the pair of you had a rocky start.

You were the head of the biggest publishing office in Austin and Sarah was your assistant. You had fought tooth and nail to get to where you were now. Fighting over men’s voices that would try to drown you out.

You wanted Sarah to be ready for that. To someday be an editor herself. She didn’t know it but you’d been training her to take over the position for editor of Biographies. Her favorite type of book to read.

There had been a rocky beginning when you had been tough on her, making sure she had what it took. You liked how she wasn’t afraid to fight you on important things.

You liked her.

It wasn’t until the last few months that both of you had developed the close friendship you shared now. After two years of being your assistant, a family emergency had pulled you away from your job. One that had turned your life upside down.

Sarah had stood to the task, keeping things running smoothly without anyone knowing you hadn’t even been in Texas, never mind the office.

So here you both were now, inseparable at work and slowly becoming so outside of work too. Starting with her thirtieth birthday party.

You had been hesitant to attend, parties with colleagues had never been your thing but here you were.

You had donned the last of the dresses you had left over from your twenties, feeling like a total farce now that you were closer to forty than thirty.

But you deserved to get dressed up and let loose everyone once in a while. So here you were, not feeling as much out of place as you had expected. There were plenty of people your age.

Including what had to be the most attractive man you had ever seen.

He was standing by the bar, one elbow propped up on it, a glass of whiskey in his hand. He had a flannel shirt on, sleeves rolled up and forearms on display. The kind of display that left you weak in the knees.

The man was big all over. Big hands, big shoulders, broad chest and biceps that bulged against the fabric of his shirt.

Your mouth actually watered when you first set eyes on him and you were a little embarrassed as you excused yourself from Sarah and Jason, pushing your way through the crowd to the bar.

You stayed as far as you could get from the man but it didn’t take him long to notice you as you flagged down the man working the bar and ordered yourself a Long Island Iced Tea.

“That bad of a week?” You didn’t have to look to know it was him. He had abandoned his companion to muscle in beside you at the bar, resting his glass as he turned to face you.

“Haven’t had a drink in a while. Go hard or go home, right?” You asked, passing off your card to the bar man. “Put Sarah’s drinks on my tab tonight.”

“That’s mighty generous of you.” You told yourself you would’ve done it anyway. You had planned to buy Sarah’a drinks all along. Having her father be the most handsome man in the room and knowing it would impress him was only an added bonus.

“She deserves it. Everything she’s done for me this year? I don’t think a couple of drinks could even begin to cover it.” You told him honestly, stirring your drink idly with your straw.

“Well the bad news is, she drinks like her daddy so you better be ready for the shock when you see your total.” He teased and you tilted your head with a coy smile.

“I see she also gets her charm from her daddy.” You raised your eyebrows and he laughed, his hand out between you.

“I’m Joel, Sarah’s old man, which you’ve already guessed.” He introduced himself and you shook his hand and gave him your own name.

“I’m Sarah’s boss.” You told him and he narrowed his eyes at you before pursing his lips. You knew that look. He was probably the one who had heard all about how you were an epic bitch who ran Sarah around like a dog. “You may not agree but it was for her own good. Needed to be sure she could hold her own.”

Joel looked abashed that you could guess what he had been thinking but you let it go when the song changed and you asked him about the music.

It started a conversation about music which lead to movies. The pair of you had ended up in a booth, your chin resting on your palm as you listened to him talk.

He disappeared only once when it was time to bring out the cake. He stood proudly beside his daughter as Jason held the cake for her. You watched him, drink in hand and he winked at you.

You couldn’t help clenching your thighs. Excusing yourself to the bathroom to fix your lipstick and take a second to cool down.

Sarah stepped up behind you in the mirror and you smiled sheepishly at her. She didn’t say anything for a second, just rolled her eyes.

“You’re gonna sleep with my dad, ain’t you?” Sarah asked and you stared back at her in the mirror, chewing on your lip.

“Is it like really awful if I do?” You asked her and she laughed, throwing her head back. “Cause I won’t, if it’ll bother you. I’ll leave right now and we can pretend it never happened.”

“Ah I don’t care if you put the screws in him. I just don’t want to hear about it like I heard about the obnoxious mouth breather or the way too into feet guy.” You laughed at Sarah who scrunched her nose up at the thoughts of the last two men you had slept with. “I don’t wanna know a damn thing.”

“That PTO you put in for last week? It’s approved.” You told her and she laughed at you. “You can have an extra week if your dad is as good of a lay as he looks.”

“Ew, get out of here.” She pushed you towards the doorway and you laughed at her. She shoved at you as you both walked down the hallway and walked straight into Joel who was chatting with Tommy, Joel’s brother you had learned.

“Now remember dad. Wrap it before you tap it, not all accidental pregnancies are as cool as I am.” Sarah nudged her father, stealing his drink as the pair of you attempted to gather your composure.

“You’re fired. Effective immediately.” Tommy and Sarah laughed loudly as Joel handed you the drink you had left him with while you were in the bathroom. “Have your desk cleared out by morning.”

You tried not to overtly react to Joel’s hand resting on the small of your back while you all laughed as a group but it didn’t take long before Tommy and Sarah made themselves scarce.

“Didn’t think I’d need my daughters approval this late in life.” Joel told you quietly with a chuckle and you tilted your head.

“Approval for what, Mr Miller?” You asked, stepping closer to him. “I hope you don’t think I’m that easy of a lay. Don’t you know sex before marriage is a sin?”

“Tomorrows Sunday. I’ll bring you to confession.” He muttered before ducking his head down to kiss you, the hand on the small of your back pushing you closer to him.

///

“Where’s your manners? Thought you were a gentleman.” You teased Joel in the back of the Uber. His face was pressed into your neck and one of his hands was attempting to maneuver between your thighs.

“I am. I’ll prove it to you. I’ll make you cum so many times you don’t remember your goddamn name.” Joel whispered against your skin and you closed your eyes against the spike of desire. “I know that pretty pussy of yours is aching for me. Been squeezing your thighs together all damn night.”

“Joel.” You laughed, shocked at his turn of attitude. Gone was the polite man who had helped you into your jacket when leaving and promised Sarah he’d see you home safe. “We’re not far.”

“Not close enough.” He grunted, kissing down the column of your neck as his hand slid under your dress. “I know you’re aching for it.”

Despite yourself, your legs fell open for him and you prayed the Uber driver couldn’t see his fingers sliding against your underwear, a low hum of approval from Joel. “Damn baby, I ain’t even touched you properly yet and you’re this wet?”

“Joel.” You whimpered his name and he ran his fingers up and down your slit through the thin layer of fabric between them.

“I’m gonna wreck this pretty pussy. I’m gonna make you cum on my fingers first. Then my tongue. And then I’ll split you open on my cock.” Joel promised and you latched your fingers in his hair, pulling his mouth to yours.

You promised yourself you’d tip the Uber driver so well for the moan you let out when Joel slipped one finger inside you.

You let your head fall back as he used the palm of his hand to rub against your swollen clit. You arched against him and tightened your hand in his hair. “Gonna fucking-“

Your phone sounded from your purse and you paused. Joel urged you to ignore it but you couldn’t, scrambling to answer the call.

“Hello?” You prayed it wasn’t who you thought it would be but you knew. Even without checking the caller ID.

“It’s Ellie. She wants to come home. I’ve tried everything but she had a nightmare and now she-“

“I’ll be there soon. I’m just leaving the party. I’ll get the Uber to swing around.” You knew other parents weren’t equipped for Ellie but she had been so ready for a sleep over.

“I’m so sorry.” Dina’s mother apologized but you knew the fault lay entirely on your shoulders. You shouldn’t have let her go in the first place.

“No, please. I’ll be there soon. Tell her I’m coming.” You were pulling away from Joel, fixing your dress. He had drawn away from you, sensing the seriousness.

“I’ll let her know.” You hung up the phone and looked to Joel before leaning forward and asking the Uber driver to extend the journey after dropping Joel off.

“I’m sorry.” You told Joel, turning to look at him. “I didn’t think- I shouldn’t have.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Sounds important. Don’t worry about me.” He assured you as the Uber rolled to a stop outside his home. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. It’s just my kid, she needs me.” If Joel was shocked to find out you had a child he didn’t say anything. He just nodded in understanding, reaching into his pocket and tossing a couple of notes on the passenger seat. “That should cover it. I hope she’s okay. That kid of yours.”

The door shut behind Joel and you sighed, fixing yourself up as best you could, using a compact in your purse to fix your smudged make up.

“I hope she’s okay too.”

#Joel miller #joel miller tlou #soft Joel miller #Joel miller smut #joel miller x you #Joel miller x f reader #Sarah miller tlou #Ellie Williams tlou #Tommy miller #tlou au #tlou! no outbreak

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cowgurrrl · 2 years

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Sweet Jane

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (plus platonic Ellie Williams x fem!reader)

Author’s note: this actually ripped my heart out and made me realize why I don’t write angst

Summary: “If I have children, I hope they live quiet lives. No fires for them. No sickness. No breaking news stories. I hope they die of old age, far from the pages of history books.” - oh, to live unremarkably by Trista Mateer [2.3k]

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, talks of child loss (reader has lost a child) teen pregnancy, tumultuous parent/child relationships, references to a sexual relationship but nothing explicit, reader is a badass because I said so, ANGST

The second you saw her, you knew this was a possibility. You knew it would happen at one point but watched your tongue. You thought it would happen in the middle of a firefight or trying to survive a horde of Infected or some other dangerous situation where you couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of your mouth. It doesn't. It happens on a sunny autumn day while walking away from the ravaged Kansas City. She was trying to show off or prove something to Joel when she tried to run forward without warning. It came out as a gasp as you grabbed her backpack and yanked her back before her foot could slip off the ledge of a cliff. Your heart pounded as you gripped her like you were waiting for her to start falling again. She mumbled a quick sorry before you let her go. She didn't try to run forward again after that.

She waits longer than you expected to ask about it. After you set up camp for the night and cook whatever Joel decided, Ellie looks at you and asks, "who's Jane?" Joel's brows furrow at the question, and your chest tightens. “You called me Jane earlier."

"Jane's my daughter." You catch yourself using the present tense, and grief trickles down your spine like an unpleasant cold shower. Saying that she was your daughter sounds wrong. It's been years now, but you can't make yourself switch. She's still your daughter, even if she's gone. You're still her mom. You'll always be her mom.

"Oh," she gapes, and you nod. You can feel Joel's eyes on you, but you don't look at him. If you do, the words will tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't know." You say, shrugging as if she gave you the wrong directions instead of asking about your kid. She doesn't push the subject anymore, and you eat silently until Ellie crawls into her sleeping bag and falls asleep.

Cicadas' chirps and the fire's crackling fill the space between Joel and you. The stars twinkle as the clouds move in the night sky. It's peaceful. Or it would be, at least, if Joel hadn't been fiddling with his gun for the past twenty minutes. The metal clicking is almost enough to drive you crazy, and you shoot him a look. He freezes and meets your eyes before letting his hands drop.

"Sorry," he says, and you chuckle. He props the gun up next to him and glances around to make sure nothing's decided to sneak close to you.

"I think we're safe," You say.

"For now."

"Joel Miller, ever the optimist."

"It ain't about being optimistic. It's about being smart."

"Right," you shake your head and look at Ellie sleeping in the corner. Her chest rises and falls steadily as she dreams secret dreams. You smile when she snuggles deeper into her sleeping bag and scrunches her nose. "You think she'll be okay?" You ask, meeting his eyes.

"Kids seem to handle these things better."

"Sam was her friend."

"I know." He says. Images of shaky guns, Ellie's screams, and the silence that followed Henry's body hitting the floor replay in your mind in slow motion. You're trying to figure out where it went wrong, when the universe pulled yet another rug out from under you. When you put the two kids to bed, everything was fine, and not even eight hours later, Sam and Henry were dead. How many people will you bury before you get to the Fireflies?

"I'm tired," you admit softly. You can tell by the faraway look in his eyes that he's in his own head, turning things over to look for new details. He's looking for something he missed. "What're you thinking about?" You ask, snapping him out of it, and he shifts uncomfortably.

"You never told me you had a daughter." He finally says, and you nod. You look down at your bootlaces and untie them, so you don't have to look at him.

"It never came up."

"Her name was Jane?" He phrases it like he wasn't listening the first time, but you know he's trying to get you to open up about her.

"Jane Eloise," saying her full name scratches at an unhealed wound deep in your stomach. You think about all the times you shouted those names across the apartment to her. You were always late for school, late for a birthday party, and late for appointments. You're almost positive she would've been late to her own birth if you hadn't been induced. Rushing was the way you lived your life for that decade. You would give anything to be running late with her again. "If I talk about her, I'm gonna cry." You warn.

"That's okay." His voice is so soft, and he's looking at you with those big eyes, and something shifts. You haven't talked about her in years, but something in Joel's demeanor makes you feel safe enough to unlock the door in your brain, holding all her memories.

"I had her when I was sixteen. I was pregnant throughout my sophomore year of high school and had a toddler by the time I went to college. I still don't know how, but I graduated. I was gonna go to med school and start a brand new life, just the two of us. I spent so fucking long studying, but it didn't matter."

"How come I didn't know all this?"

"We agreed to keep our pasts to ourselves when we started," you hesitate—started seeing each other as stress relief and nothing else? Started lying to Tess so you could fuck in alleys in between deals? Started pretending like it meant nothing? "I never thought you'd want to know more than you had to."

"I want to know now," He says like it's the easiest thing in the world. "Did her dad stay around to help you?"

"No, he left the second he got the chance. It was probably for the better, anyway. He was an asshole. I still don't know if he's alive or if he even knows what happened. I don't know if I care enough to find out."

"How old was she when she…" he trails off, the last word dying on his tongue. You swallow around the lump in your throat and take a shaky breath.

"Ten."

"I'm sorry." He says, and you nod. You never knew how to respond to people when they told you they were sorry your kid was dead. You still don't. Nobody tells you about this part in parenting classes.

"We got out on Outbreak Day. Somehow, I kept her alive until I could get her to the QZ nearby. I smuggled there for a few years and made enough money to feed and clothe her. That's better than most people were able to do. I would pick her up from school and walk her home most days but I had a deal with one of my neighbors, Mrs. Carmichael, that if I couldn't pick her up from school, she would. She picked her up a few times, and nothing went wrong. So, when I got caught up in a deal outside the walls one day, I thought it was safe to finish it and be home by dinner," you say, regret washing over you all at once. "Then, Fireflies started dropping bombs. I heard the explosions all the way out there, and I ran back, but it didn't matter. They were both gone."

"When I told my mom I was pregnant, she was furious. She told me that a mother's love is nothing compared to a mother's fury. At least, that was her excuse when she threw me out, but I didn't know if I believed her until that day. After Jane died, I ripped the entire city apart, looking for every single Firefly that had orders to drop bombs that day, and I killed all of them without batting an eye, and it still didn't bring her back. I still woke up every morning and listened for her breathing or the sound of her making cereal in the kitchen. I waited for her to come home every day for years," tears fall from your eyes, and you quickly wipe them away. Joel is clinging to your every word. "I couldn't stay there. My daughter and everyone who could've been responsible for her death was dead, so I came to Boston. Met you and Tess, and that was it."

"That's why you wanted to kill Marlene when we got Ellie." He says, connecting the dots, and you nod.

"I wanted to drop a fucking bomb on her head for what she did. I don't care if that makes me cruel. She killed my kid and called her collateral. Made it seem like she was a part of the cause and not a fucking child just trying to get home from school."

"I get it," he says. You open your mouth to say something about how he could never understand, how nobody ever could, but he beats you to it. "My… Sarah was fourteen," He stumbles over his words. "I wanted to kill the guy who shot her. I didn't care that he was following orders on that day, I wanted him to suffer, but he was already dead."

Joel had a daughter, not much older than yours, and you never talked about either of them. He's one of the only people in the world who can see your pain, the black hole Jane left in you, and show you his matching one. Joel must've been young when he had his daughter, too. Twenty-two, at the very least. How could you have never talked about this?

"What was Sarah like?"

"She was a spitfire and just about the funniest person I've ever known. Smart as hell, too. She was always readin' and telling me everything she learned in school. I never understood half of it, but she loved it," He says, and it's your turn to cling to his every word. His eyes light up as he talks about her. You see now what a good dad he must've been. "Still don't know where she got it from."

"Well, I'd say she got it from her dad. You're smarter than you give yourself credit for." You say, but he shakes his head, refusing the compliment.

"What about Jane? What was she like?" He asks, and you think for a moment. You remember her big brown eyes; how they widened when she was excited about something or glazed over with tears when she was afraid. You remember how her laugh could fill a room. You remember cradling her in your arms when she came into the world and when you found her.

"She was the most beautiful person I've ever met. When she was born, all the nurses would take turns coming into my room to look at her. They couldn't stop telling me how cute she was, and I agreed with them. She was perfect," you smile, remembering how many pictures you took of her tiny face. You had been terrified your entire pregnancy, but the second you saw her, you knew you were meant to be her mom. You felt completely at peace with her, even as young and unprepared as you were.

"She was quiet and curious, but she also had moments where she was loud and careless like kids usually are. I never understood what people meant when they said having kids gave them a whole new idea of what love could be until I had her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me." You say. Joel watches you wipe more tears away before putting his hand on your knee and squeezing. He doesn't say anything, but the look in his eyes tells you everything.

"I wonder if they would've been friends. Our daughters." He thinks aloud.

"I like to think so."

"Me too," he says. He clears his throat, probably trying to bury any emotions this conversation brought up. "She would've loved you."

"You think?" You ask, and he nods.

"You two would've been thick as thieves. Probably conspire against me or somethin'."

"And that's different from now, how?" He laughs at that, and you smile. You put your hand over his and let your thumb trace the contours of his knuckles. Those bruised, scarred, terrifying mountains that have killed and beaten soften under your touch.

You don't say much else for the rest of the night. You just hold his hand and stay awake to protect the girl not much older than your daughters were. The fear, cautious optimism, and sadness that came along with Ellie, that you thought you were alone in feeling doesn't feel as heavy anymore. The black hole Jane left will never be filled, and you will miss her for the rest of your life, but Joel opening up and showing you his similar wound makes you feel less alone.

It makes you wonder if your girls are together somewhere far from all the pain and bloodshed. You wonder if they've secretly conspired to make you two find each other. You wonder what they would think of each other, of the people their parents turned into, of Ellie. It's nice to think they're together, playing silly games while waiting for you.

Not yet, sweet Jane, you think as you look at the stars, and maybe it's a mind trick or exhaustion, but you swear a star winks back at you. Not yet, Mommy, she seems to agree.

💫

#joel and ellie #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel tlou #the last of us x reader #ellie williams #joel miller the last of us #joel miller angst #sarah miller #tlou angst #i wrote this for me but you can read it too i guess #look for the light

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snakelaufeyson · 2 years

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joel “if you tell me to look for the light i’ll break your jaw” miller

#dad reveal #i love him so much #my dad everyone! look at my dad!#joel miller #ellie williams #the last of us #tlou #the last of us hbo #tlou2 #the last of us 2 #tess #marlene #tommy miller #sarah miller #tlou 01x01 #pedro pascal #din djarin #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction

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melpomeneprose · 1 year

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O, say, bonny lass, will you go into battle?

Where the drums are beaten and cannons loud rattle.

O, yes, my bonny lad, I will share all thy harms.

#muse: Anna strong #muse: benjamin tallmadge #muse: Sarah Livingston #anna x selah #Ben x anna #Sarah x William #ben x sarah #music / aren’t brainy people obtuse!#au: following the drum #american revolution #18th century #18th century history #for skill in music named / queue

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luvrloki · 1 month

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father daughter duos that will make me cry uncontrollably and be the only thing i think about for the rest of my life? sign me up!!!!

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ajokeformur-ray · 3 months

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My thoughts on Jareth

If none of these thoughts or concepts are original or if they're canon elsewhere, then I'm unaware because I've never read any of the novelisations or comics etc. These thoughts are all based on over twenty years of loving this film; it raised me while I raised my younger siblings.

4.9k words, written during Labyrinth's 1 hour 41 minute runtime. Unedited.

Hesitant to post but doing it anyway because a friend read it last night and liked it enough to encourage me to post it.💖

I think a lot of who Jareth is, is contained within his music - “lost and lonely... no love injection... no one can blame you for walking away... don't tell me truth hurts, little girl, because it hurts like hell... that's underground.” - in this last one, he's telling her who he is and how his world works. He's lonely, the only one of his kind Underground, and in the end credit song it's rather heavily implied that his sister wished him away when they were children, and he begged for his daddy to come and get him, but he was never rescued and rather reluctantly was forced to become the King of the Goblins, somehow. Jareth knows the truth hurts, towards the end of the film he's hurting but he can't and won't stop it, because Sarah is his downfall and he knows it. He's doomed to shrivel up within her as a very strong childhood figure, lost and stagnant within her imagination, while Sarah will, at some point, grow up and thrive because of the lessons he taught her, the friends he gave her (or the creatures he put in her path, if you'd prefer to think of it like that) and his presence in her life. He was there for her when she was lost and lonely and wanting to escape from all of it. Jareth caught her as her world fell down, but when he fell... no one was there to catch him. He's doomed by his own narrative.

He watches her rehearse from the book he gave her in the park – he's getting to know her and who she is in the moments when no one's watching. A teenage girl who has had a traumatic time – the death of her mother/her parent's divorce and her father's remarriage (canon is shaky on whether her mother died or left to become a Hollywood actress and so her father remarried after their divorce, so I've included both possibilities for the sake of being thorough), the birth of a new sibling and the parentification that elder siblings get stuck with most of the time, – and is stuck in the uncomfortable stage of still being a child but not quite an adult. He's an owl while he watches her – suspicious in broad daylight but hidden; Sarah clearly thought nothing of it, and perhaps he was indulging her, giving her the audience and attention she craved, but also giving her and himself the company they both need - “lost and lonely”is repeated in the opening song; it's common ground they both share and is therefore a theme within the narrative. Jareth uses his music to speak, as do we all. Music binds love and humanity together, and Sarah's time in the park, her rehearsals, is clearly a more tangible deep dive into the world inside her mind – a world in which she is a heroine up against a villain who is as strong and powerful as she is, and an escape from her real life, which is always shattered by the chiming of the clock. Just like Cinderella, another fairy tale. This parallel with clocks, big white Cinderella ballroom dresses and reality shattering a fantasy, is evident also in the As The World Falls Down scene, in which Jareth's devastation is made clear. (More on this later!)

“But what no one knew, was that the King of the Goblins had fallen in love with the girl, and he had given her certain powers” - here's where my main theory starts. Jareth is doomed by the narrative – his own narrative – because it's been constructed by a teenage girl who doesn't know quite yet who she wants to be, and this narrative has been constructed because of the powers he gave her. Jareth doomed himself by falling in love with Sarah and he knows it, but he's powerless to resist because it's in the narrative that he can't. This ties into the “fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave” scene later on, because Jareth is simply declaring them as equals with that line. He already fears the power she has over him, as she has revoked his power over her (or, the power that his character in her story has over her), he already loves her, he already is her slave, and he is already scared of what she could do, because now Sarah has realised that, while she does have to grow up and be a better person, she still has the time for childhood, and that is what she chooses in her rejection of Jareth; she chooses her childhood, delaying adulthood for a few years more. She's only fifteen, so I can't say I disagree with her decision.

Instances in which Sarah could have been harmed but she was not, showing that Jareth never intended her any actual harm and was merely fulfilling his role:

Threw a 'snake' at her, which turned into a soft furry goblin the second it came into contact with her (role here: Sarah wanted to be like the heroine she reads about in Labyrinth, so Jareth gave her a villain to go up against. He said it himself, he only took Toby because she asked him to. Prior to this, the only involvement he had in her life was giving her the book. Otherwise, he was a content silent spectator of this fascinating human who lives with her head in the clouds.)

Sarah got the riddle at the door right and she would have been able to progress through the tunnel into a deeper part of the Labyrinth, but then she said - “I think I'm getting smarter.” (this is confidence and therefore went unpunished; the trap door didn't open) “this is a piece of cake” (this did get her punished, because there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance and she tipped over the edge, so for being arrogant, Jareth hindered her progress and sent her into an Oubliette where Hoggle was waiting for her because, again, Jareth does not want to harm her. He's not an actual villain. He's doing this because she's written him as HER villain and he's merely doing what she asked him to do. Again.Another lesson here; he humbled her immediately and played the role of a mentor/guardian). She could have been hurt when she fell through, but she wasn't. There were Helping Hands to guide her way down gently, and then Hoggle was ready and waiting to take her to another part of the Labyrinth. No harm came to her, even though it very easily could have; Jareth could have let her fall through unguided, with no help on the way down. But, he opened up the world beneath her, and then manipulated his own world to catch her fall, like he promises in the romantic song As The World Falls Down (more on this later). For the second time, he threatened but did not fully follow through.

The cleaners!!! Second time Sarah got arrogant – this time, she looked down before she said “it's a piece of cake” so she was lying about it, and you do not lie to fae! So, Jareth punished her with the cleaners. This was a little more high stakes in terms of harm, but at the end of the corridor is a readily marked part of the wall which is obviously cut out with a darker arch around the outside and weakened enough for a teenage girl to push against it just enough to knock it over right before the cleaners got there and then there's a ladder taking her to safety away from the tunnels???? There is no way that's accidental – everything in the Labyrinth which challenges Sarah is put there by Jareth, who can manipulate his heart (I think the Labyrinth is a metaphysical representation of his heart – more on this later) – or, his world – to his own wants. He humbled her yet again but also punished her for lying to him (to herself, technically, since this story is hers), and gave her a good scare in the process. Sometimes, we need a good dose of fear, and Sarah clearly wants adventure and some excitement in her life!

The Bog of Eternal Stench – What I find interesting here is that Jareth spoke presumably through one of his crystals to warn Hoggle against throwing away the poisoned peach in a god-like over-seeing manner – this was an overt intervention. But minutes before that, he did nothing to prevent Ludo, Sir Didymus and Hoggle all working together to save Sarah from falling into the Bog when the bridge broke. We know from that exchange with Hoggle and previous scenes that he watches Sarah's progress and he manipulates his world/heart at will to hinder/help her, but in this particular moment when she is actually in danger, and not through his or anyone else's fault, Jareth does nothing to prevent his subjects from helping her. Therefore, he never intends to harm her, and I fully believe that if Ludo hadn't been successful in summoning up the rocks to save Sarah, that a barn owl would have swooped in out of nowhere and stopped her from getting hurt/falling into the Bog. There's a strong branch right above where she falls, and there are enough rocks in the Bog to get Sarah to safety. The world of the Labyrinth is built for Sarah because she's at the core of everything Jareth does and stands for. She has to get to the centre of the Labyrinth because the castle represents the core of Jareth's heart. Why else would he be so proactive the closer she gets, with the threats of danger becoming more real and yet she narrowly avoids harm every time? Jareth's mischief is just enough to scare but never enough to hurt Sarah. This over-seeing intervention in times of danger also happens when she jumps in the Escher room – Jareth gentles her descent so she lands delicately on her feet before he steps out through an alcove, implying that he was watching her and intervened when he needed to so that she wasn't hurt. It's no coincidence that all of her friends are able to help Sarah in some way! Sir Didymus' role is intellectual stimulation, giving Sarah the adult conversation she's craving, challenging her to challenge herself. She rises to the challenge every time, and Jareth's lesson here is that sometimes we just have to ask for help - “well, do I have your permission?” - sometimes things aren't always as they seem, but sometimes they are that simple. Family is loyal to family, which is chosen and not decided – Ludo and Sir Didymus are clearly different species, and yet they decide they are brothers and honour that throughout the rest of the film.

Instances in which he aided her progress through the Labyrinth because his real intention is to help her grow up, to help her become who she is supposed to be:

Had Hoggle stationed at the gate of the Labyrinth as her way in, but also as her first friend; we cannot travel through life or growth alone and a being as lonely as Jareth would know this. I feel like Hoggle represents Sarah's stubbornness & her inability to accept help or friendship when it comes from an honest place. “Hoggle is Hoggle's friend!” // “Hoggle, you coward!” - Sarah frequently says “it's not fair!” and doesn't accept responsibility for her actions, so here Jareth has prepared Hoggle to be Sarah's mirror – holding him up so that Sarah can see the error of her ways by observing her behaviour in someone else and realise why it's wrong. Also - “Who are you?” / “Sarah.” / “That's what I thought.” = Hoggle KNEW that Sarah was coming. The journey through the Labyrinth is one big lesson Jareth constructed, because stories have morals and they're meant to teach us about perspectives and other such things about life. So in a way, Jareth turned the powers he gave Sarah against her.

The worm at the wall who told Sarah how to get through the walls/access the actual Labyrinth instead of running through the outer walls; though, Jareth is a fae and Sarah needs to learn to be less naïve/stop taking things at face value so much, especially from strangers or people she doesn't know very well, so the worm lied about which way to go. Nothing is fair in life and this was Jareth's first little reminder for the important lesson. He said it himself - “You say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is.” - which means, all the times he was in the park with her, he never quite figured that out = it's a part of Sarah she needs to work on, because if a silent spectator can't understand something revisited often, then it's likely not a valid viewpoint.

Hoggle frequently tells Sarah that she should give up, stop, turn back, not continue, and every time, Sarah snaps back and says she's not quitting or giving up, she's come too far. This links to my previous point about Hoggle, but here, Hoggle is showing Sarah that she can do something when she wants to, she can be responsible when she needs to be (by this stage of the film, she has accepted the consequences of her actions and has resolved to 'save' her brother from Jareth's very generous babysitting services), and that perseverance and a certain degree of being stubborn is necessary in life. The world doesn't stop when you're tired and Hoggle's role here is to nurture Sarah's resilience. She's already endured so much, “you've run so long, you've run so far” (Within you), and she can endure it better and easier when she has friends/a support network to get through it. Additionally, Sarah and Hoggle are both less resistant to each other's help and friendship as the film progresses – the reflection is completing itself, the mirror isn't needed so much as Sarah grows through the Labyrinth. Jareth has seen her potential through shining moments in Aboveground, and he's trying to help her reach it as best as he can, given he's a figment of her imagination and he knows it. By the end of the film, she's accepting her potential a little more, but isn't quite ready to step into it.

Ludo! His role is to reaffirm that things aren't always what they seem, and to teach Sarah that appearances are deceiving; Ludo is supposed to look scary, but in reality he's a big teddy bear who is resourceful (he uses rocks in times of trouble, or, translated into our world, he does what he can with what he has – an important lesson), afraid of the unknown but willing to venture forth if he has a friend beside him (and this humanises him in Sarah's eyes and makes it easier for her to befriend him), and he's bullied by others for things he can't control (i.e. being strung upside down because he's “a big yeti” and goblins like causing trouble). Ludo's role is to teach Sarah that face value isn't valuable all of the time, and his resourcefulness saves her multiple times. As the King of the Goblins, Jareth knows absolutely anything and everything which goes on in the Underground, and there is no way that he didn't deliberately choose the creatures he did to aid Sarah in her journey. They all fulfil a specific purpose and mirror a part of Sarah back to her so she can change her ways by seeing them in others and realising there's another way. Ludo is a big cuddly teddy bear who gives Sarah a hand to hold, he saves her, he keeps her company, and gives her some comic relief too. He may also be very slight practice for going back home to Toby, like when he gets the door handle stuck in his mouth and Sarah has to help him with it. Jareth here nurtures Sarah's kind nature – she makes friends everywhere she goes and is willing to forgive when Hoggle commits wrongs (abandoning her when they are afraid, giving her a poisoned fruit under the pretense of giving her actual food – which Sarah should have known not to accept, but sometimes we can't see the red flags even when they punch us in the face, and this may have been another lesson from Jareth, or perhaps it was his only way into fulfilling another of his roles; romance.)

This is where things start to fall apart for Jareth. When he says, “friends?” to Hoggle, the bitter undertone in his voice reeks of jealousy. He wants to at least be friends with Sarah, this human whom he's watching grow, but because of the multiple roles and challenges she has written for him to fulfil for her (as a figment of her own imagination, hence why he looks like David Bowie because, in the beginning, we see newspaper clippings of Sarah's mother with David Bowie, so there's a strange Electra-esque situation going on with Jareth looking like Sarah's mother's boyfriend), he's unable to be friends with her. His narrative has him being the villain, the challenger, the threat, the teacher, the nurturer, this all-knowing figure who holds a strange power over her (powers he gave her were then turned onto him and then turned back onto Sarah when she rejects him at the end), the suitor, and, above all else, the life lesson. Nowhere in the narrative she constructed is there room for friendship. He “can't live without her sunlight” (her attention on him), he “can't live without (her) heartbeat” (Within You) because Jareth literally exists within Sarah. He will dessicate inside her, shrivel up within her imagination and become a distant childhood figure as she grows up, while she will flourish and thrive because of everything he did for her when she was younger. And the worst of it is, Jareth is self-aware and he knows this, but he's doomed to do it all anyway because it's his narrative. He is a self-fulfilling prophecy, he's watching his own car crash and he's powerless to stop it because a teenage girl took the powers he gave her and made everything happen between them like it does. He does everything she asks of him, against his better judgement in some cases, and yet she still doesn't accept his love (which, if we follow the metaphor, is actually adulthood as a concept because he's nurturing her – another of his roles) and he's known all along that this doesn't end well for him (“don't tell me truth hurts, little girl, 'cuz it hurts like hell”) but he can't – or won't – try to change it.

The Garbage Lady who leads Sarah into a reproduction of her bedroom to try to trick her into thinking she is home until she opens her bedroom door – Jareth reminds her of what is important – her brother – and 'tests' her by presenting her with all of the material things she values in her bedroom; her childhood slippers and toys, but then she sees the Labyrinth book and she remembers her brother – she chooses reality over fiction and chooses responsibility over fiction, though she still leans into it when it is piled on top of her. Here, Jareth is showing her a balance between the two. They're both important, and they both have their place in helping us to do what we need to.

As The World Falls Down is a scene in which I think, while Jareth is fulfilling the role Sarah has given him as her suitor, he's also being quite vulnerable. Not with her, necessarily, he's teasing her by disappearing into the crowd and he makes her look for him. He makes her chase him, rather than him being the one who is chasing. And then, when he's had his fun, he finds her like he was watching her the entire time and knew exactly where she was and who she was with (notice that when the camera pans, he is always looking at her and barely glances at the other fae who address him in some way). He sweeps her into his arms and they dance. Sarah wanted romance and he was giving her that. In her bedroom at the beginning, Sarah has a ballerina figurine that looks exactly like Sarah does in this ballroom scene, and so parts of the Labyrinth – Sir Didymus' Ambrosius is her dog Merlin, she becomes in this scene that same figurine she has in her bedroom, she has an Escher wall poster in her bedroom, she has a grass maze, she has stuffed animals of the Fire Gang, she has a Hoggle puppet, she physically takes the same lipstick she applies in the beginning into the Labyrinth to guide her way... all these pieces of the Labyrinth which she encounters already exist in her bedroom, adding further evidence to my theory that the Labyrinth and, by extension, Jareth, are all figments of Sarah's imagination, with some added fuckery in that Jareth is the one who gave her the Labyrinth book, which is the source of the powers he gave her.

When they dance, Sarah falls into the illusion, she falls into the romance, but then like in Cinderella and as aforementioned in previous statements, the clock chimes and this shatters the spell, it breaks the dream, and Sarah frees herself. Jareth is visibly distressed, he looks so heartbroken and shattered because he knows no matter what he does, what role he performs for her or how good he does it, no matter what, Sarah is always going to reject him even though she is the one who assigned these roles to Jareth. He is under her spell, powerless to resist against his own powers – powers he gave her! How do you fight yourself? How can he convince Sarah when he only exists within her own mind and worse still, he knows this? He is doomed by his own narrative and it breaks his heart to follow it, but he has no choice. So he exhausts himself, as he states at the end, trying to live up to all the roles Sarah gives him, knowing the entire time that it's futile and he's not going to triumph.

That's not what Sarah wants – she wants a villain, he gave her one. She wanted an escape from a constantly crying baby – he gave her that. She wanted romance, mystery, intrigue, adventure, a good dose of 'safe' fear, friendship, companionship, he gave her all of that. But Sarah cannot give him the one thing Jareth wants – acceptance. Because he exists within her, and being a teenager is too tumultuous a time for Sarah to be able to accept herself, to accept that she needs to grow up and fight to be a better person, and she's not quite ready for that yet. Jareth knows Sarah will fight her way to his heart (the centre of the Labyrinth) and then destroy it – the Escher room dismantles when she jumps, effectively choosing her brother over Jareth. His love for Sarah destroys him, but aids Sarah in becoming someone more mature, wiser, and kinder. When Sarah breaks away from him in this scene and literally shatters the dream he gave her, is when Jareth starts to realise that he's been doomed from the start. Sarah wants pretense, she wants an escape. When Jareth shows her the reality of who he is (or, in the metaphor, the reality of reality), she rejects him, she rejects what it means to be an adult, and thereby chooses to be a child for a little longer. One who is more responsible, sure, but still. Jareth understands this, he knows why it happens the way it does, and though he pleads, the look on his face when he throws the crystal up in the air is ultimately,

“We could have had so much fun together”.

Additionally, there is a deleted scene where Sarah rejects him, but then he smiles right before he throws the crystal into the air. It's a proud smile, which lends support to my theory that he is using the journey through his Labyrinth to teach Sarah, to help her to be a better sister and daughter. She rejects him, and he's heartbroken by it, but he's proud of her too, though he knows he's doomed to just wither away within her. He's a complicated being, so full of grey areas, he's spoilt and ironically as childish as Sarah is, but that's why he's able to fulfil all those roles so well, and apply a mirror between her and the world she explores – self-reflection is, after all, taking a look at oneself, and Jareth has spent so much time with Sarah Aboveground while she rehearses her favourite scenes in Labyrinth that he's come to understand her, though he doesn't agree with everything; and that's why he put this journey into motion.

Another thing I find interesting is how, at the gates of the castle (at the gate of the core of Jareth's heart), is a very menacing scary metal contraption designed to invoke fear and keep people away from getting through the gates. And yet, Hoggle is able to intervene and prevent the attack, and once they're all through the gates, the goblin army don't seem to take it very seriously at all. I have no doubt that, if they needed to, goblins could and would cause serious harm, and yet really they just annihilate themselves and make it very easy for Sarah and her friends to make their way into the castle. This suggests that it's all what's on the surface – they don't treat Sarah like a threat because she isn't one – by this point, Jareth has accepted his own ultimate role is to lose in a love he was written to feel, and he wants her to succeed in running his Labyrinth, he wants her to triumph and become better and learn from him. He wants her to get her brother back, because her brother isn't the point of it all – Jareth only took Toby because Sarah asked him to. The point of it all is for Sarah to grow, to learn how to grow up, to learn to be stronger and kinder and wiser so she can grow up, and that is why Jareth makes it quite easy for her to get through the city into the castle. He only watches from the window, he does nothing to help his goblins or to help Sarah. He just watches from his window, looking down at life happening but doing nothing to stop it.

Once Sarah gets to the castle, it's quiet, still. No more resistance from Jareth, just a final plea to delay the inevitable. “I have to face him alone, that's the way it is done” - here, he is once again a villain, staged for the final confrontation, and Sarah has painted herself as the heroine. Likely because she has little to no control in her real life over anything, so in her head she writes herself to be heroic on adventures, saving other people in a way she wishes she could be saved. In Within You, “your eyes can be so cruel, just as I can be so cruel” - again, he's showing the parallel within them, his first declaration of them as equals, because writers always put a piece of themselves in the stories they write, and Sarah, as Jareth's writer, is no different.

Jareth is so tired in the final scene, all of his masks and roles are discarded, though Sarah still recites from the Labyrinth. Before, Sarah backed away from Jareth, but now he is backing away from her, though he pleads with her to accept him (her dreams, her fiction). The power is now hers, and she knows it. He knows it. The crystal ball turns into a bubble, which breaks at Sarah's touch. Jareth's world shatters, he returns to existing only within her, and Sarah takes away all of the wisdom and lessons and experiences he gave her. I find it interesting how “I need you, all of you” should include Jareth too, but he sits on the outside looking in once again, forced only to watch, and no longer able to participate in her world. The boundaries have changed, Sarah admits she still needs her childhood fantasies and stories to help her with real life, but the narrative she wrote for Jareth is set in stone.

When Sarah's world fell down, Jareth caught her (the comfort of fiction) but when his world implodes, no one is there to break his fall.

Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl, because it hurts like hell...

#jareth the goblin king #labyrinth #labyrinth 1986 #sarah williams #jareth #jareth x sarah #(i suppose this could be read shippy or not depending on your perspective)#i didnt write it shippy so it's up to you #i just wrote down my thoughts as I watched

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magic-is-beauty · 22 days

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Doomed sapphics you will always have my heart

Lottie and Nat : yellowjackets

Lexy and Nadine : chucky

Sarah and Hannah : Fear street 1666

KJ and Mac : paper girls

Ellie and Riley : the last of us

Cindy and Alice : fear street 1978

Bear and Tiger : sweet tooth

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aliensamba · 1 month

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Give me the child.

#labyrinthedit #labyrinth #filmedit #sarah williams #jareth #aliensamba gifs #my edit #aliensamba #sarah x jareth

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stingrayextraordinaire · 1 year

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Fanfiction Moodboards // “A Forfeit of Dreams” by KL_Morgan

Dreams must be achieved. They must be worked for, earned through sweat and tears. It’s what makes them so precious. They cannot be simply bestowed.

(huge thanks to @diaryofanobsessivefangirl, without whom I would never have learned of this earth-shattering fic)

#rarely do i make more than one board for one thing #but this is one of those exceptions #a forfeit of dreams #kl_morgan #fanfiction #fanfiction moodboards #moodboards #aesthetics #my moodboards #my edits #labyrinth #sarah williams #jareth #jareth the goblin king #labyrinth 1986 #jareth x sarah #labyrinth fanfiction

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jomiddlemarch · 3 months

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until men fell at their women's feet and asked for forgiveness

Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: you already had a headache from the changing barometric pressure when the phone rang-- you almost didn't pick it up.

warnings: heavy petting, references to child abandonment, adults drinking alcohol, casual use of obscenities, Joel is the epitome of single DILF, TLOU AU where cordyceps never happens but Joel is still Joel

wc: 1.7k

an: this is my submission to summer lovin', brought to you by @pedgito, @chaotic-mystery and @amanitacowboy. The title is borrowed from Jack Kerouac's On The Road as it seemed roadtrip appropriate.

“Get in,” you said.

The sky was a leaden grey, the clouds wadded up as if they’d stanch a wound, but there was a sickly green tinge that you recognized. Joel ought to as well, unless he’d forgotten, like he’d evidently forgotten so much else.

You hadn’t forgotten anything. Not the way he shrugged, the way a tee-shirt clung to his broad shoulders, the way his hair curled when it was wet with rain or sweat. How he’d sounded, crooning a song to his guitar, humming under his breath when he scrambled eggs in the morning, a dishtowel slung over his shoulder, the roughly choked off moan when you took him in your mouth. How he’d tasted, how he felt, his hands on your hips, his lips on your forehead, the base of your throat. How he’d said he’d call, how he’d let the machine take your message, your messages plural, and his brother Tommy, who’d sounded embarrassed and annoyed, who hadn’t known your name though you’d known his.

“Didn’t mean to make you—” he began.

“Get the fuck in, Joel, and then we’ll talk. There’s a tornado watch. I didn’t buy a house with a cellar to get killed chatting on the shoulder of I-80,” you said sharply, your knuckles turning white where you grasped the steering wheel for dear life. Something dear, because otherwise, it meant you were imagining squeezing the life out of him and you were too tired and too old to buy that love and hate being two sides of the same coin bullshit.

It was probably the tornado that got him into your truck, though something in his dark eyes said maybe it had been your tone. Maybe that he remembered, though you’d used it rarely enough with him. A couple of times and then that third message on his machine, that you’d ended slamming the phone down, hoping he’d wince.

He sat quietly next to you, having thrown a beat-up canvas duffle in the back of the cab. He didn’t say anything about calling for a tow or asking if you knew the nearest mechanic. He just sat there, staring out the window, which was maybe a better choice than staring at you as you drove home, your foot heavy on the gas pedal, trying to beat the storm. Anyway, you thought he was staring out the window, his face obscured by his baseball cap and you weren’t about to go all Miss Priss and ask him to take it off inside, as if inside the truck’s cab was a place that deserved some sort of civilized etiquette.

He followed you into the house wordlessly, stood just inside the doorway while you turned on the radio to check on the storm’s progress and the likelihood that you’d both survive the night. The watch had been downgraded, so you went to the fridge and grabbed two bottles of beer and gestured for Joel to sit down at the kitchen table before you plunked one down in front of him.

“Church-key’s in the drawer next—” you said, breaking off as he fished the bottle opener out and used it to flick off his bottle’s cap before offering it to you.

“I know,” he said. He waited for you to open yours before he lifted his towards his lips.

“Sláinte,” you said, taking a long swallow. It was cold, there hadn’t been a power outage while you were on the road, so there was that. You had a pound of ground chuck in the fridge for a meatloaf or burgers, you hadn’t decided, and now it looked like you wouldn’t poison yourself when you did. You still sort of wanted to poison Joel, but not with E. coli.

He watched you and you looked right back at him, like it was a dare or a staring contest. Something you could win.

He drank, letting his eyes drift closed for a moment, then set the bottle down and took off the baseball cap. His hair was greyer, curling around his ears. He was overdue for a haircut, ought to look like a slob but instead he looked like every dream you’d had of him over the past three years, dreams that you woke from trembling, slick, fumbling around for the vibrator in your bedside table drawer to finish off and have a chance of getting back to sleep.

“Road trip hasn’t exactly gone how I’d hoped,” he said.

“Yeah, unexpected stay with the ex I ghosted wouldn’t be on my goddamn mood-board either,” you said.

He chuckled, a low, dirty sound, that reminded you of too much.

“You haven’t changed,” he said and the smile he gave you was appreciative and not polite.

“How would you know?” you snapped.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t. I don’t,” he said. He fiddled with the bottle’s label, peeling away with the condensation. Fidgeting, a rarity for him. “I don’t want you to think I was happy about how it went down.”

“You mean the ghosting me part? Or me blowing up your machine or cursing you out to your brother?”

“I was an asshole, yeah. Everything you did I had comin’ and more,” he said. “There’s context, if you want it. Or I can shut the fuck up and drink my beer and try to keep out of the way until morning and then get out of your hair.”

“There’s context?” you repeated, the disbelief in your voice almost rude. “Context?”

“Yeah. Don’t sound much like you wanna hear it though,” he said, taking another swallow of the beer. You wanted to smack him and sit on his lap, to scream you were over him and murmur how much you’d missed him, how bad it had hurt when you thought you’d never see him again. How bad it hurt when you saw him leaning against his broken-down truck in the rain.

“Joel, why’d you even call me?”

“Yours was the only number I could remember,” he said.

“Oh,” you said, pretending to yourself oh was a word, an appropriate, cogent, thoughtful response and not just the shape of your mouth around breath, half-sigh, half-sob.

“You could’ve hung up on me,” he said.

“That supposed to make me feel better?” You felt dizzy, still trying to make sense of what it meant, that he’d memorized your number, that it was the only number he could remember. You felt like you’d stumble if you stood up and you’d barely had any beer, there wouldn’t be any plausible deniability.

“It’s me sayin’ you’re treatin’ me better than I deserve. Like you always did. It’s me sayin’ I’m sorry, but doing a fucking piss-poor job of it,” he said.

“What’s the context?” you asked abruptly.

“I got a call. My kid’s mom left. Took off, didn’t leave a note, nothing,” he said.

“I thought your daughter’s mom was dead,” you said, not trying to soften it with some bullshit like passed on. If he was going to lie to you, you weren’t going to let him get away with it.

“My other kid. Turns out I had another one. One-night stand, condom broke, she never told me but she put my name down on the birth certificate. I had to fly out to Virginia to get her before they put her up for adoption or into juvie. She was raising hell at the foster home they put her in,” Joel said.

“You took her in?”

“I brought her home. She’s my kid. She’s mine, no one else’s,” he said. “I didn’t have a hell of a lot of bandwidth for anything other than dealin’ with her and Sarah, gettin’ them both settled. Honeymoon lasted all of a weekend but they’re good now. Good enough, anyway. They gang up on me, which is what sisters are supposed to do, if brothers are anything to go by.”

“Where are they now? You left them both with your brother?”

“Hell no,” Joel laughed. “I just dropped them off at Girl Scout camp for three weeks. Sarah’s Auntie Michelle fixed it up for them. I was driving around for a while before heading back to get them. Cheaper than flyin’ home and back and Tommy’s got all the subs lined up for the next couple of projects.”

“This was your vacation, your single dad vacation, living off truck stop diner food, just driving around aimlessly?” you said.

“Not aimlessly,” he said. “There was a reason I was in your neck of the woods—”

“You were hoping a fucking tornado would force me to take you in to save your life?” you said.

“I was just gonna call you. Or show up here with a huge bouquet of roses and a bottle of that white wine you liked and hope you didn’t kick my ass clear to Tampa,” he said. “I didn’t factor in a tornado.”

“Well fuck me sideways,” you said, the kitchen briefly illuminated by lightning followed so fast by a roll of thunder you knew the storm was right on top of you. Joel’s lips curved in an expression equal parts sly and tender, which you hadn’t understood was even a thing until you’d met him.

“I was working up to that, darlin’,” he said. “I wanted to start with rose petals though—”

“I don’t need them,” you said.

“No?”

“What’s her name, your other little girl?” you asked.

“Ellie. Doesn’t have a middle name,” he said. “You want more context, before you forgive me?”

“Later. Context can come later,” you said, pushing your beer bottle away, getting up and walking around to where he sat. “I want you to come now.”

“You first, darlin’,” he replied, pulling you down onto his lap, trusting you to find your balance because he took your face in his hands, drew you near enough to kiss. “Can I stay?”

You knew he didn’t mean for the night or even the morning after. Lightning must have flickered again but you didn’t see it, your eyes closed as he kissed you. You only dimly heard the sound of the thunder over your half-swallowed moan as his tongue did wicked things to you. You broke away, gasping, his arms wrapped around you tight, just far enough to whisper.

“I never wanted you to go.”

#summer lovin #joel miller #tlou AU #romance #inspired by a moodboard #joel x you #no age-gap #DILF joel #TLOU AU with no cordyceps #pedro pascal characters #ellie williams #sarah miller #tommy miller #no physical description of f! lead

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