#sausage heaven

[fieriframes]

[There is perfect love in Heaven!]

[planetsallalign]

The temperature hasn’t gotten over 60°F (15°C) today. It’s dark, pouring rain and that damp chill is in the air. So tonight dinner is homemade zuppa toscana because it’s officially soup season mother fuckers.

[something-tofightfor]

It's Friday night and I'm sitting on my couch thinking about taking Pero Tovar to Texas de Brazil (or a place that's similar) just to see what happens. That man would not only demolish the salad bar area but those poor servers would wear a path in the floor coming to our table to bring him meat until they either ran out or told us we had to leave because they were closed.

[schokokokatze]

Tribe of Nêsos 4: Kápros

Idu, meanwhile, tried her best to provide food for the little family that she was part of now. There was no official agreement, but everybody knew that she and Oréktos were man and wife, even though there was no priest to bless them, nothing to sacrifice except what they couldn't give up, and no promises made. Neither Kleitophôn, the dark-haired firstborn, nor Taurós of the soft curls, properly remembered their mother, and they liked Idu well enough. Their little sister Pélagia already called her méter.

In the evening, everyone always came together at the campsite, even old Poira was still pulling her weight, and distributed her wisdom. Here, in the icy night, Oréktos finally did make his promises. They ended up sacrificing a dog, asking for a blessing of their marriage. It seemed ... necessary after Yissharus departure.

[the-acid-pear]

This website is awful every time I'm trying to bathe in my misery a pair of fat tits or a big cock appears on my screen but when I'm trying to psyche myself up to get hard I only find the most serious of posts like please a man can't leave like this. I'm gonna start watching baby stim videos for stimulation I cannot do Tumblr anymore

[jhara-ivez]

OH MY FECKIN HELL I just had Thyme-sausage from my local butcher with baked beans in tomatosauce and it was maybe one of the best things I have eaten all year. I can die happy

[limelocked]

some modifiers

kristin: veiled matron who greets the end

techno: loyalist stained with blood

vex: friends of the same face

israphel: ever creeping dune

ianite: judge of justice and hypocrisy

empires season 1 pearl: golden flower that smiles at darkness

[leaningluthor]

crying i made myself dinner and it was sooooooo good

[sincericida]

Andrew Garfield always using his beautiful and flawless hands when he gets really into his stories as he should 🥺❤️

Despite the mean tweet where they said "Andrew Garfield has fat people hands, or at least the hands of a creepy school custodian". Really!?

It wouldn’t be this one:

* apologies for the scary disgusting image *

[countrymikelover]

i had the most scrumptious dinner tonight you don't even fucking know

[your-hotdog-husband]

3:45 am: I'm shopping the Safeway app for gluten free foods after taking my ambien. This is always the worst time for me to be on my phone. I heard recently that gorillas at the zoo get so fixated on people's smart phones that it's become disruptive to the whole... "gorilla experience." Signs have been put up in some cases, asking patrons to please leave their phones in their pockets. They should lend (well, rent, realistically) camera lens attachments that allow you to hide your phone while taking pictures. IDK how this idea really could be executed. This is the worst time of night for me to be on tumblr. What is likely to be even more disruptive for some folks is the metal detector being proposed for San Diego Zoo's Gorilla World exhibit.

My wife is snoring like a... hound with allergies and sleep apnea. So... I'm gonna raid the kitchen. I left a slice of gluten free pizza in the toaster this morning. The crust was too soggy, even though I baked it almost perfectly. I'll either check the instructions or try using a grate or whatever on top of the bacon sheet. I know I said bacon. We rarely rarely eat bacon. We don't keep any in the fridge. We'd end up finishing it before the week is over. But now I'm thinking about a bacon sheet. We'd cook our six slices in the morning for breakfast or brunch, and then use the grease for baking something. How about... quesadillas? Pizza. Grilled cheese sandwiches. Oh, chicken! Right? Add it when grilling some lean hamburger patties. See, this is what happens. Around 2:30 am, an app should lock up my phone until I've had at least 7 hours total of solid, real sleep. Or it's 9am, whichever comes second. I really shouldn't be on my phone at this hour. I really am liable to say anything. Well, I've never turned nazi, and I've done this quite a lot over the last couple years. I wonder how many people fancy themselves having absolutely no nazi qualities, but once you pump them with ambien (zolpidem, generic), they throw around racist epithets, talk about elective enthnic cleansing for parents-to-be. Neuro-conforming, blond haired, blue eyed babies, tall and muscular, smart but not too smart. Well, I'm talking about it. I don't like it. I'm against it. I'm only bringing it up to illustrate how creepy it is. See, if you make your white clone army too smart, they might overcome their nazi indoctrination. Especially the women. I'm not being sexist. I'm a man, and most of my best friends are men. See, I'm mentioning sexism only in context of not engaging in it. See, there are inherent differences in humans due to differences in testosterone levels. It's not so much that testosterone makes us stupider, it just makes us more suggestable when we are amorous and after experiencing sexual pleasure, and for much of the time in between, as long as one isn't amorous for too many hours, in which case we become too irritable and distractable to influence. We're more likely to fumble about and break things in a desperate attempt to do something productive in the garage, kitchen, or office. Or we'll be in the bathroom with the door closed for a while, trying to remember the hair and style of a classmate in 12th grade, along with any of their unusual facial expressions, particularly involving their lips and closed eyes. Oh, don't forget the tongue. She (or he) always let their innocent facade slip. But only to be funny, but then again not that funny. The humorous delivery was just an excuse for an awkward double-entendre, still out of character with her good girl style. I wonder what kinds of guys she hooked up with at City College. I hope they weren't all douchy. Maybe she stuck to good Christian boys at campus fellowship, or from Bible camp. Did they make out in the boating shack? Go to third base or 3½ in the back room of the nature center?

I'm quite peckish after looking at sausages and many other foods on my phone. My wife's done snoring, bad timing as always. I hope the one sad little slice of pizza does the trick. I'm out of lunch meat.

[coollikeacaterpillar]

so apparently people in the rest of the world don't use honey and maple syrup interchangeably you guys are missing out

[mari-animates]

No one has ever called it brinner don't make things up

[gallusrostromegalus]

How many people (and who) have accidently sent nudes to the group chat?

One guy tried to digitally flash the Gotei-13 by "accidentally" sending pictures of his genitals to the groupchat with every female member directly @'d, and then pretended to flail around in "OH NO! I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED! OH NO! DON'T LOOK I'M SO EMBARRASSED!!" instead of deleting them.

Unfortunately for him, his antics drew the attention of "Single Father Whose Young Child Was Just Exposed To Unwanted Penis" and "Former Best and Most Expensive Whore In The Rukongai Who WILL Tell You About It At Length and girth" Zaraki Kenpachi, who had recently discovered how to use Admin Privileges.

Zaraki promptly locked all Minors out of the main chat, Locked The Offender in, gave everyone an "Opt-out-until-all-clear" link, declared it "Hornyposting Hours" until further notice, and kicked off the Sausage party with images of his own "Sword of Heaven".

As one might imagine, the offender did not compare favorably.

Zaraki then Very Benevolently offered the offender "Constructive Criticism" about the shape, size and twenty-two other characteristics of the offender's genitals, along with suggestions about Best Possible Use and Alternative Techniques to develop, "because you're going to need to".

Chat immediately descended into a Bacchanalia of Dicks, Tits, Ass, and even some exceptionally bold Pussy, cheerfully looking to shame the offender and perhaps catch the attention of The Sword Of Heaven's Wielder. DMs were exchanged, Exceptionally Nuanced discussion of sexuality and consent was had, terrible jokes were jokes made, Memes were created (including the "GOT ANOTHER ONE LADS" Bisexual Zaraki flag), and a Jolly Good Time was had by all (save one) until about 9PM when Zaraki declared that it was a school night and he had to go to bed, go bother the Ninth if you want a hornychat.

Tousen, who works nights to get the papers out in the morning, waking up to the sound of his pager going off like a string of fireworks: "...I'm going back to bed."

[iruiji]

SAGAU but Creator Reader has been tagging along with the Gourmet Supremos.

If you didn't know or have forgotten, Gourmet Supremos are one of those quest series that is randomized because some part of the questline can only be accessed with dailies (like Whispers in the Wind or Snezhnaya Does Not Believe in Tears or Garcia's Paean).

This questline spans from Inazuma up to Sumeru. I think there were 6-7 quests in total? I forgot. (it's 8).

(These are Julie, Parvaneh and Xudong in order.) There are more characters that made a cameo in here but we'll just limit it with these three.

Context dropped, onto the short HCs.

• Okay so, I didn't really read the whole story of this one so I'm just going to make some random HCs on the fly. I'm aiming for a goody-feel with this one so no heavy angst will be involved.

• Alright, so. Xudong is the leader of the Gourmet Supremos, and he only found you because when you land in Inazuma, you literally dropped into their camp and was about to steal a sausage from Julie's backpack (but there were so many ingredients there!!!)

• Xudong was fuming, lmao.

"THIEF!! SOMEONE, HELP!"

• Aight, geez, made you run a marathon there.

• The next time you've met, all three were together and they saw you roasting some lavender melon in some dilapidated tent you found while walking aimlessly. Hey, better than no shelter at all. For some unfathomable reason, your inventory only consists of food materials - with everything, and I mean everything, missing.

• God damn. It's like the heaven is telling you something. 🙄

• Anyways, yeah. So for some reason, the only access to the goddamn ingredients are locked, and you can't use it and you don't know when you would be able to use it, so you have to scrounge up whatever pitiful sources you can get.

• Sadly, it's mostly lavender melons.

• Like, you already made several dishes from this and it's really starting to grind on your gears, so you took a dive in one of the caverns and found some meat and was happily grilling it with the melons when the trio came out of nowhere.

"Thief!"

The hell. "I didn't get the sausage, though."

"But you still tried to!"

"I mean, I was dying of hunger, so.. you know."

Julie, bless her heart, gets in between you two. "It's fine, Xudong. They needed help, did they not?"

"But-"

This time, Parvaneh chimes in. "As they've told you, they didn't get anything, so let it go. And you." She points at you with calloused finger. "Who are you?"

That caught you off guard a little. Told them your name and, to Xudong's bewilderment, started chatting amicably with you. Some time later though, he softened a bit but still a little cautious. They traded cooking tips with you, and, to their utmost surprise, you exchanged many tips on cooking as well.

"How do you know all this?" Xudong asked as you finished explaining the difference between sauteing onion and garlic first.

"Oh. I'm uh, a professional chef back in our place. Been years though, so yeah." You replied as you took a bite of their chicken. "Holy shit, why is this so good?"

Julie and Parvaneh just smiled proudly.

• So like, you became a new addition to their team - but you actually specialize in desserts. Xudong has many a great views in cooking, as well as the two ladies, and together you journeyed the whole of Inazuma for rare ingredients and made some two or three journals that have been since published and loved by people. (The fangirling/fanboying is real when you saw Xiangling's message drooling about your own version of Tiramisu).

• One day, however, you lot came across a shrine - it doesn't look abandoned, oddly, but it looks really, really old. You asked them what's the deal with this one, and they explained about the Creator.

Oh.

You're in SAGAU?

Shit.

"People said they've come back, but we don't really know.."

Double shit.

• With that knowledge, you try and avoid the main cities as much as possible and only let the three buy on populated areas. Thank God they didn't really notice you suddenly covering half your face with a mask - which you only shrugged when asked.

"I like masks."

Fair enough, they suppose.

• ..oh fuck, is that Yae Miko?

"Ara, and who is this?"

Xudong, Julie and Parvaneh bows and you hastily followed.

"She is our new companion, Lady Miko."

She looks at you with an impish grin. "Oh?"

Dont act suspicious. Don't act suspicious.

"..yo."

Nice.

• Coming across the main characters from the game are very, VERY rare. You can actually count on one hand the characters you've met:

Yae Miko;

Thoma (he was going around asking for favors as usual and you bump into each other and only had quick apologies as interaction);

Kujou Sara (she was patrolling the area and asked about your mask - which you replied that it's part of your outfit. damn, her glare was fucking menacing!);

Kuki Shinobu (you were side to side buying groceries once), and lastly;

Kamisato Ayato (you actually didn't meet - you just saw him giving speech in a podium for some event you just came across).

• You figured, hey, maybe you're NOT the creator or whatever. And just tried to live normally after some time. The mask stayed though, because you just survived the pandemic back here and was cautious.

• About a year and six months with the team, Xudong suggested you come all to Sumeru to expand your knowledge. Holy shit, yes please!

• ..and then you met the Traveler on your way.

"Your Grace..?"

Triple shit.

😭 sorry for disappearing for about a year - i was too lazy finishing anything. And now, I added another idea not to finish on the list 💀 wrote this whole thing in like 30 minutes motivation really is a wonderful thing, huh?

[saekkas]

𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄

summary: in which you need to wrestle your boyfriend, michael kaiser, out of his bed to fulfil a promise- re dye his hair.

notes: it's meant to be a continuation of this fic but you can read it as a standalone too! 2.1k words for my favorite german pomeranian <3

germany is beautiful. in all seasons and weather, even with rain and snow pelting down the windows. the bread and sausages make amazing breakfast items, the beer is pleasantly warm, and the sight of castles and palaces all around the country make you feel like a princess. your favorite though, is when spring comes around.

spring blows away the last dregs of winter. there are puddles from melted snow all over the station, sweaters are still needed because of the chilly air, and christmas decorations still litter around town square, ready to be replaced by the eggs of easter. it's when mother nature reappears, pushing winter away for another half year.

coincidentally, it's michael kaiser's least favorite time of the year.

"you don't love me anymore, do you?" he dramatically sobs into your neck, his hands holding onto your body for dear life. "you're moving away to break up with me, aren't you?"

his duvets feel like clouds. made out of the softest material, you find it hard to haul yourself out of the room every day. his sheets are made of silk, a beautiful rose gold in hue, and his bed is enormous, framed by mahogany wood on all sides. kaiser's bedroom is heaven on earth, and you've got your personal angel lying in the middle of it all.

"you've finally found someone better, haven't you?" he asks once more, his eyes peeking from your chest. his hair is a mess, the blue streaks already fading out to match the rest of his hair, there are dark circles surrounding his eyes, and he's got patches of drool in the corner of his lips. but you don't think he's ever looked more ethereal than this.

"who is it?" there's a pout on his lips, his eyes still drowsy from sleep. you watch with a smile of your own, taking in his fluttering eyelashes, your faces close enough to count every last one. "is it a guy from china that you met in hawaii? is he prettier than me? richer? is that why you're leaving me for him?"

"what are you even talking about, silly?" even when you roll your eyes, the smile stays, and you look at him with every bit of fondness in your body. "you're the only pretty boy for me. you know that."

his lips stretch out into a dopey smile, an uncontained giggle spilling from his lips. there's a certain giddiness in his motions, as if he couldn't contain his feelings inside his body. you watch with amusement as he kicks his feet, accidentally pushing pillows out of the bed.

"mhm. i know. just wanted to hear you say it," he hums, going back to nuzzling your tummy. he mumbles incoherently against your shirt before yanking the fabric up, burrowing his face onto your bare skin. "love you, pretty."

"were you out drinking last night?" you shake your head, squealing when he blows against your bare skin. "i thought i could trust ness to keep you out of trouble."

"i wasn't drinking." he's back to his whiny state, both of his hands tightening on your waist. there's a glare this time, his lips twisting back into a pout. "you shouldn't trust ness. trust me instead."

sunlight bleeds into the room, soft and serene as they bypass the curtains. a ray bounces off the mirror on kaiser's vanity, one he specifically added just for you, and makes its way to his face, bathing him in a dreamy glow. the reflection of light turns his eye into an icy blue, stealing your breath. he looks divine.

you take him in, as much as he does you. there's a muted sound from traffic, and the chatter of birds but in the moment, nothing else matters except you and him. his frown deepens after a moment of silence and you chuckle, relenting as you thread your hands into his hair.

"love you too, baby."

if there's anything you've learned from dating him through years, it's that your boyfriend absolutely loathes it when you fail to respond to his declarations of love. another thing, is that he becomes clingier and far more possessive when spring comes, dreading every moment he has to be away from you for matches.

it's seen in the way he's holding your body tighter, preventing you from moving an inch off the bed. he's pouty, lips twisted downward because it's the last day he has you to himself before he's called back to the field. it's on days like this that you smother him until he can't shake away the ghost of your lips around his body, even in the middle of a match.

"gonna let me move anytime soon?" the hand on his head moves to glide down his neck, stroking the sensitive skin around the back of his ear. you watch as he moans, his eyes snapping shut at the touch. "mein kaiser?"

"wenn du so weitermachst." his voice is low, his heart beating faster as he moves from his previous position to hover above you with half lidded eyes. "du wirst dich überhaupt nicht bewegen können, liebling."

translation: if you continue to be like this, you won't be able to move at all, darling.

you suppose there's a reason he's down on earth rather than above. michael kaiser may have the looks of an angel but he acts like the devil.

he's looking down at you with a dangerous glint in his eyes, as if ready to eat you alive. you gulp, eyes roaming down the expanse of his chest before they land on the necklace dangling by his neck. the ring it holds is 24 carats, gold, with roman numerals of your anniversary date engraved on the inside. it matches with the diamond encrusted promise ring on your finger, gleaming in the shade of his eyes.

you tug the necklace, pulling him until you're nose-to-nose. you shiver at the way his eyes darken even more, his lips quirking into a smirk. "who knew you were so naughty, liebling," he hums, pushing your knees apart to slot himself between your legs. "who taught you, hm?"

"you did," you say before lifting the ring to your lips, kissing it with a small smile. he shudders at the intimacy of the action. "you also taught me not to break my promises, right?"

kaiser raises an eyebrow at the direction you're taking this. he's got you on the bed, flushed, under him. to him, the only promise worth thinking about right now is the promise of intimacy and pleasure.

"i promised to dye your hair, remember?" you lean forward, this time pressing a kiss onto your beloved. "you can do whatever you want to me after we're done."

he groans, letting himself drop on your body. he giggles when you groan at his weight, his face flushing at your words. "whatever i want. that's a promise too, right?" the whisper of his voice against your ear is delightful, and you nod where you're pressed against his shoulder. "i hope you intend to keep that one too, liebling~"

he waits for a moment, savoring your warmth until you start to squirm. laughing, he hovers over you once more to press a kiss on your forehead before scooting over to make room for you to move. "gonna let me use your mask?" he grins widely when you nod, rushing over to the bathroom.

but not before stripping off his night tee and chucking it straight at your head, laughing like a mad man when you throw his beloved stuffed panda at his back in retaliation.

your boyfriend has always been restless. he's never shown much patience, and you should've known that re-dyeing his hair was going to be a hassle. "hold still, mikka." your tone is scolding but not stern, your eyebrows furrowed in concentration to make sure the dye doesn't spill. "i need to make sure you look pretty."

he stops squirming at the nickname, a mischievous smile spreading on his lips as he places a hand on your hip. "you should call me mikka more often, it's cute." he looks up from his position, seated on a chair and facing your front, and wiggles his eyebrows at you. "not only when you want something."

"yeah?" you hum, distracted by the strands of his hair in your hand. you grasp at it with gloves, sectioning to thinner pieces before using a brush to smear the color in. it comes out decently and you grin in satisfaction before moving onto another strand. "glad you like it. it suits you."

kaiser stays unmoving, not even answering back like he's supposed to. concerned with the sudden silence, you look down only to be greeted by a blinding his smile. you quirk an eyebrow, smiling at him in question. "what?"

"you're so cute." he tries to shake his head, stopping when you send him a glare. the hand on your hip squeezes at the fat in affection, his eyes shining even against the brightly lit bathroom. "ich liebe dich, liebling."

"very romantic of you," you say with a roll of your eyes. you store away the bowl of blue hair dye in your hand, leaning down to press a kiss. you feel him hum against your lips, his smile widening from the kiss as he pulls you closer. "i love you too, mikka. even when you won't sit still."

"are you done yet?" he asks with wide eyes, the sight of his puppy eyes looking at you from below sending butterflies to your stomach. "can i look?"

"mhm. go ahead." you step back, making room for him to face the mirror. you watch over his shoulder as he examines his newly re dyed hair, the blue strands at the bottom a contrast to his pale blond. you were getting used to the full head of blond, getting used to having mikka all to yourself. now you've got to share him with the world again as michael kaiser makes his comeback on the field.

"you like it?"

"i love it and i love you."

"maybe we should try another color next time. like purple or pink," you say before giggling at the way his face lights up at the suggestion. you eye him in curiosity when he turns to look at you with a proud grin.

he moves quicker than you expect, grabbing your waist and setting you on the bathroom vanity. he pushes you against the mirror, planting a searing kiss on your lips. you feel him smirk against your lips as his hands move to trail down your waist, settling on your thighs.

"there. a thank you kiss for my little genius," he says, breathless from the exchange, a wicked gleam in his eyes that you're wary of. he leans his forehead against yours, pressing a kiss to your nose. "one 'i'm sorry' kiss too."

"what for-" you're about to question him but a sigh interrupts your words, one that comes from the feeling of wet hair dye trickling down your neck and clothes.

you glare as he presses another kiss in apology. "i'm sorry."

"no, you're not," you snort at the teasing smile on his face. "now i have to go bathe."

he perks up, "want me to join-"

"no."

bonus:

"you really are pretty, mikka." glancing at the mirror from behind him, you watch with fascination as kaiser pushes a hello kitty hairband onto his head. it's yours, one you bought as a pair with his pink panther one. surprisingly, he likes this one more. "the prettiest."

you watch him nod to his own reflection, seemingly agreeing with your words. his newly dried hair bobs along with the motion, the strands fluffy and smooth. you'd run your hands through if you hadn't just spent the last half hour styling it.

"your prettiest-"

"-like a german pomeranian."

"...what?"

"nothing!" you laugh at the disgruntled expression he wears, shaking your head. hoping to appease him before the whining ensues, you hand him a small container filled with matcha facemask. his favorite to wear because it does wonders for his skin.

he looks at the thing as if it's offended his entire lineage. "you're seriously going to bribe me with this?" he pouts, crossing his hands against his chest.

such a big baby. your big baby, though.

"what's wrong? pomeranians are cute!"

"yeah but i'd be more of a husky," he grumbles as he pushes the pink panther hairband onto your head, clearing any hair away from your face. he uses a brush to smear the mask across, stopping every so often to peck your lips. "they're handsome, strong, and expensive."

"high maintenance, too," you mumble under your breath before shrugging. "i just like pomeranians better," you grin, scrunching your nose when he finishes with a kiss on it.

"...fine. german pomeranian it is then."