#saw that first one and my mind immediately screamed MIRACLE ALIGNER!!!!!!! so i HAD to recreate it

[skylarbee]

just blokes being blokes

[diavolosthots]

I don't know if I'm too late if so ignore this. Mc trying to take care of Lucifer. Like bringing him food and drinks, trying to make sure stuff is done in the house, stopping the brothers from bothering him.,thanks for reading my request and remember if you don't want to do it or I'm to late delete it.

You weren't too late at that time and I'm in a lucifer mood tonight so this is being done!

Also who else would like to try spicy hellburned chili now that i made it up? Because I do.

Helpful Hands (LUCIFER X GN!READER)

People always underestimate how much he does for this family, or at least he thinks so. They see mean old Lucifer who only ever bullies and is way too strict. They see the guy who has a patch of gray hair but should be way too young to have it. They see the Avatar of Pride who can’t bear to be defeated for the life of him. Sometimes they see a stuck up asshole who thinks of nothing but himself and occasional torture because he’s viewed as Mr. Sadist. The last part might be mildly true, but only on bad days and only to those who really deserve it. He’s heard it all, from both friends and foes alike, and of course his family. Even Diavolo scolds him at times, which that’s when he’s truly about to snap it because if it weren’t for the Demon Lord he probably wouldn’t be on edge all the time, but more on that later. The point is, though, that most, if not all, of those claims are fault. 

People see the surface level. They see what they want to see and they don’t dare to dig deeper. Maybe they fear him, maybe they’re just too warped in the idea that he absolutely hates everyone that they also turn to hating him. A “I do you like you do me” type of deal, but if they would just take the time… if they would listen and really take a good look at him… maybe they’d realize he’s just suffering. Everytime he gets mad at Mammon or gives a stern, “not now,” that’s him being overwhelmed. Or if his agitation shines through, it’s not because he’s truly annoyed, but because he knows they can do better. He pushes his brothers, absolutely, but only because he knows their true potential. He holds all this weight on his shoulders, for everyone, and instead of giving a small thanks, they ruin his day. It’s hard being the unwanted parent of six, but if he wasn’t, Hell would burn. Or, well, more so than it usually does. Diavolo adds to his work on the daily, and maybe that wouldn’t be such a problem, if he weren’t also the one distracting him from such work and then getting onto him for not having it done. 

It’s hard being him. It’s hard to be the responsible one because you feel like you have to; because you feel like you owe it to them. He blames himself, heavily, for everything that has happened, even though it was their choice to join him. He lays there at night, more often than he likes to admit, and asks himself the big “what if” questions. “What if I didn’t go against them.” “what if I let loose.” “What if I’m being too strict.” Never, ever will you hear him say these things. Pride, ya know? But you don’t need to hear those things because you do know. You see it in his tired eyes and slumped posture once no one is looking. You see it in the way he eats and his coffee outweighs his nutrients. You can tell every time his anger rises too quickly, although he deems himself the rational one. You know Lucifer, even if he thinks you don’t, and you feel bad for him. You feel bad that you’re the only one who seems to see how truly tired he is. How much of a shoulder to lean on he actually needs, and although you’d never dare just go up and offer it, because once again his pride still wouldn’t let him admit that, you try to acknowledge his needs in little ways. 

Coffee was ready this morning, Lucifer noted, but he brushed it off because maybe it was just Beel’s late night or early morning snack; maybe he wanted some? “The pot is full…” and he took advantage of that. Whoever made the coffee, and someone must have because it was still hot and tasted fresh, he thanks them. You smiled to yourself when you saw him with a cup, heading back to his office, “morning, Lucifer. Enjoy your coffee.” He had looked at you, blinking a few times and probably wondering why you’re so cheery this early in the morning, “Good morning, (Y/N).” but that was it. Well, not really. Next thing he knew was that lunch was already done when he arrived in the kitchen to start it. “(Y/N)? What are you doing? It’s my turn.” but you only shrugged, wiping your hands before grabbing the plates and heading out to the dining room to place them, “yeah but I was already down here and didn’t have anything to do. Don’t mind me, just come sit and eat.” He didn’t say it, and he didn’t need to, but he was really appreciative and he even managed a small smile when you passed. 

Those were isolated incidences, though, or so he thought. But now, little by little, he realized more and more things that he had never noticed before. The rooms were clean, or at least the ones he was in, the fridge and pantry was always stocked, even with Beel around, and he rarely ever got interrupted. Of course, he still heard the occasional arguments between his brothers; Mammon stealing the remote right as Belphegor was about to put sleepy time music on… seriously, why can’t the guy do that on his D.D.D.? Or Satan screaming at Leviathan who accidently tripped over Satan’s books in his room while lending him his headphones. Shocker on that one, right? Or maybe it was a disagreement between you and Beelzebub about which spices should be used in the Spicy Hellburned Chili for this wednesday night’s dinner. But all of these were minor and nothing compared to what he usually deals with. At first he was super suspicious though and would constantly check on everyone, but by day three he thought that maybe, just maybe, he had gotten lucky and he finally does have some peace. Spoiler alert: he did. He got way more done than he ever did. 

That, however, does bother him. He doesn’t know who or why they would do it and as much as he enjoys it, he would also like to have a discussion with them. His birthday isn’t for another couple of months so he knows that that wouldn’t be the reason he’s being treated so nicely, so what else could it be? Mammon would only do this for money and even then he’s pretty upfront about it and begs for it Lucifer immediately after he had done the task, so he’s off the table. Satan and Belphegor would rather die than help him, Asmodeus is too obsessed with himself and Leviathan is holed up more than he shows any signs of life. So, the only other two people are you and Beelzebub, both of which are very nice people and debatably the only ones who truly care about him. The last part is a joke, but you two show it more than others. “Was it you that has been helping me?” But Beelzebub just looked confused, half a bag of chips down his throat as Lucifer asked and something told Lucifer that he wasn’t it. “No, but did you need help?” With a shake of his head and a sigh, Lucifer turned on his heel to go and find you, but not before doing something else. 

“Come to my room, (Y/N).” he had said and for a moment you thought your whole plan backfired and his brothers annoyed him again, or maybe you had forgotten something in it? Were you not careful enough in your attempts to make his life easier? You haven’t even gotten to the best part! “I’m here…” you practically sprinted down the hall while trying to find an excuse for anything he could potentially say, but when he opened the door to let you in, all of those left your mind, “what’s up?” He didn’t look… mean, per se, but he looked stern like always and it kind of freaked you out. Did you do something wrong? Was the coffee not strong enough? You used the wrong spices for the chili, didn’t you? “Do you see this?” Lucifer’s finger pointed out and you followed it, noting it was pointing at his desk, “uhm…. Yes? Am I not supposed to see it? Wasn’t it always here?” “Yes, it has always been there. However, something is different.” You turned to look at him and then back at his desk. Was it new? Did he paint it? Is there a trophy on there you should be aware of? “Lucifer I can’t see--”

When you turned back around, he was holding out two glasses of champagne and a smile was, for once in what felt like forever, gracing his lips. “Exactly. It’s empty. You can actually see it.” he hands you one of the glasses, his smile never faltering, “I had an unusual amount of time this week thanks to a few… coincidences that just so happen to align with my schedule and make my life easier. I know it was you. You made my coffee that morning, and were kind enough to leave the pot. You took up my lunch shift on purpose, not because you were down there. You also took my dinner shift this week, and cleaned the house. I’m assuming you’re also responsible for keeping my brothers in line which is a miracle within itself.” He chuckled softly, shaking his head before reaching out his other hand and tilting your chin up, “I don’t know how or why… and frankly, I don’t want to know. It would ruin the fun of it, but I do want to thank you for it and seeing as I have nothing else to do tonight, or tomorrow, you’ll be staying with me.” You blinked a few times. You could feel your heartbeat speed up and for a moment you wondered what you had actually done, but also, how bad could this go? You had one more thing to give him, anyway. “Works for me. I have one more thing to give you, anyway.” You clink your glass with his before taking a sip, watching him raise an eyebrow while your own eyebrows rose up and your lips turned into a smirk. “Undress for me, Lucifer.” 

You hope he will agree to a massage. Lord knows he needs his shoulders loosened up. 

[mattzerella-sticks]

The Silver Lining, Destiel Christmas/Hospital fic

Castiel expected to have a regular Christmas, the same he's had for all his life. Spent with family, exchanging presents and good cheer. Basking in the warmth of unconditional love. However, a twist of fate and a prank gone wrong leads him to experiencing a few new firsts.

His first trip to a hospital.

His first Christmas celebrated in a different location.

His first meeting with a certain man, suffering from a horrible case of food poisoning.

Of the three, he hopes the third is the first of many, many more. Is their encounter as rare as a Christmas miracle, or is it the gift that keeps on giving?

Cold. Wind races past his collar and sends shivers down his spine. “Stupid Gabriel,” he growls, shuffling the ladder until it aligns securely against his house. Castiel huffs a foggy breath over his trembling hands, rubbing them together for warmth. “How he can see tangled lights in this weather…”

Snow buffets him on his way up, Castiel pausing at times so he won’t fall off. Halfway up the ladder, Castiel’s common sense tugs at his nerves. Warns him from moving any further in fear of endangering himself. But then Gabriel pops in and strangles the thought, gratingly reminding him that decorations need to be perfect so close to Christmas. “It’ll only take me a second anyway,” he says, climbing another rung, “In and out.”

He reaches the roof, gripping the edges for balance. Squinting, Castiel scans the decorations amassed for the error Gabriel saw. Neck straining from the effort. Finding no fault in the perimeter Castiel checks the larger display. Leans further onto the roof and blindly gropes for Santa and his sleigh of reindeer. His hand slides around a hoof and Castiel squeezes it, smiling.

Suddenly a window rushes open, slamming. Castiel flinches, the ladder teetering underneath. “What? No, no -”

“Merry Christmas Cassie!”

“ No !”

Castiel falls, plastic and metal scraping across his roof and drowning out his screams. Before he hits the ground, Castiel sees Rudolph flying into a nosedive. Hurdling closer until the reindeer is all he sees. He blinks, and the world fades.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Tentatively, Castiel opens his eyes. Fights against the ten pound weights stretched across his face to re-enter consciousness. He groans, first from the overly bright lights shining above him and next because of a dull ache biting into his side. Castiel tries to rub his eyes, except he can barely find the strength to do so.

“Well… look who finally decided to join the party,” a voice drawls from the left, “It’s about time, really.” It takes too much effort for Castiel to turn his head so few inches. He scrapes together the energy and, in the process, answers important questions knocking around his head.

Like where was he? A hospital, no doubt, given the sterile white walls and medical equipment lying around. And the hanging television playing holiday reruns of, ironically, Doctor Sexy. Unfortunately his smolder doesn’t evoke any of the warmth and comfort it usually does. Pain takes prominence, especially when he moves. Castiel cannot glimpse the damage, but the amount radiating from his right worries him. What he can view are tubes criss-crossing around him and the sickly man hunched over the bed to his left: the owner of the voice. In need of a distraction, he focuses on him.

He watches Castiel with curiosity and tired amusement etched into his features. Pallored skin glistening with sweat, each freckle prominently on display like stars above a city suffering a blackout. The man wears a similar dressing gown to Castiel’s, accessorized with a bucket clutched tightly in his lap. “Hey,” he says, lips trembling, “you feeling okay?”

“I feel like shit.” Castiel’s gravelly voice sounds more so from disuse, croaking the reply. The other man chuckles from nearby, agreeing with his amateur diagnosis. Laughter becomes hacking, and his face disappears into the bucket for a moment. When the echoing coughs stop, the other man emerges. Castiel continues, “How long…?”

“Not sure,”  he shrugs, “I was rolled in earlier because they had nowhere else to place me…”

“Place…?”

“There’s not really a wing for food poisoning victims,” the other man explains, “they had to stick me where they could.”

Castiel skews his head to the side, stuffing it further into the pillow. “Food poisoning? You’re in the hospital… for that?”

He glares at him, wrapping his arms tighter around the bucket. IV scooting closer from being tugged. “Listen, pal, I didn’t think I had to be here either. But apparently I’ve got the white blood cell count of a newborn so… here I am.” His head falls back into the bucket. “Be lucky you missed the massive crap volcano that erupted out of my colon.”

“I doubt it was because of luck…”

“True,” his roommate sighs, rising from the bucket once more, “being under for most of it was more drugs than luck. Kind of grateful, though, because then you didn’t hear me yell, grunt, and curse throughout it all… Until…” He blanches, fingers dipping past the rim, “until I just told you.”

Castiel arches a brow, smirking. “Why did you?”

“Because I had no one to talk to this whole time and I hate silence,” he tells him, “Been narrating the past few lonely hours.”

“You’re… not tired?”

“Too nauseous to sleep, really.”

“Even after all that shitting?”

The man rolls his eyes, feet kicking freely underneath him. “It was some pretty rotten eggnog,” he says, “and Sammy promised that vegan crap was all kosher… didn’t see him or Eileen drinking any.”

A little bit of energy jumps into Castiel as he digests the tidbit of information. “Vegan eggnog put you in here?”

“Vegan eggnog and a bad case of the flu,” he defends, “I’m usually made of stronger stuff.”

“So am I,” Castiel says, “Hardly ever sick… once my entire family got bogged down by a nasty virus and I was the only one who managed to remain healthy. Was their nurse for an entire month… schlepping from one house to the next making sure they were feeling better.”

“Then I guess they can return the favor,” his roommate offers, “especially since what happened to you trumps any cold.”

Castiel’s good mood dips low, and his body sags with the reminder of their situation. “Right,” he says, “Uh… exactly what happened to me?”

The man pauses, grin slipping into a tiny frown. “You mean you don’t know? Or… remember?”

“Remember what?”

“Hell I doubt I’d ever be able to forget if that happened to me…”

“What are you talking -” Castiel chokes, dam bursting and the memories flooding over him. He shivers immediately, hospital gone and replaced with the blustery winds from outside his house. Snow falling in clumps from above, doing their best to bury him. Already he thought a blanket of white crushed his chest.

Then Hannah’s face pops into view. Scared, speaking in a way that Castiel cannot fully understand. She’s on the phone, gibberish grating to his ears. So he lolls his head to the side and watches his other sister, Anna, shove at Gabriel with a monstrous expression on her face. The one she wore when it meant their brother dug a hole so deep he couldn’t climb out of it. He remembers smiling, a few of the words cutting through the ringing in his ears to reach his brain. ‘Idiot’, ‘thinking’, ‘killed’, and ‘prank’ are all he heard.

Nearby the burgeoning fight, his friend Kelly tries her best to talk to Jack. Castiel’s nephew won’t tear his eyes away from him. Lazily he shooed him off, trying his best to help. That only brought more focus onto him.

“No, Castiel,” Hannah said, clear for the first time. She wrangled his arms to the ground with haggard breaths. “Keep them lowered to stem the blood flow.”

“Blood flow?” he asked, “What do you mean, blood -”

Blood. So much of it, trickling from where an antler punctured his side.What he thought was snow revealed itself as the broken figure of the reindeer that fell from Santa’s sleigh alongside him.

Face intact, torn from the body at the neck, its black, plastic eyes trapped him. Made it impossible to look away. Even when the paramedics finally arrived and began asking him questions, he answered in a daze. When they removed the decoration, Castiel followed the head with his own until it disappeared from sight.

The next sequence of events plays in pieces. Being patched and carried into the ambulance, Hannah choosing to go with him. Her answering questions for him. Any allergies? Only to shellfish. Medical history? Until now, spotless. The calm, automatic doors at the hospital that betray the urgency of any situation. Doctors and nurses in festive gear descending and doing their best. A prick in his arm and the fuzzying of his senses.

Waking up in a strange room, with a stranger affected by serious food poisoning who has gotten up and leans way too close.

“...come on man, I’m so sorry,” he says, “I thought you knew. I didn’t know - when I asked she said you should be fine. They fixed you up really good, able to save the kidney -”

“My kidney?” Castiel gasps, “It… it hit my kidney?”

“Punctured it in three different parts,” the man tells him, “all clean entries, plastic intact, so no serious problems.”

His mind recovers from the panic, gripping onto the facts presented like a crutch. Thankful for the assurance, but also curious. “How do you know this?”

His roommate’s face shifts from pale to deliriously red, and he shuffles a few steps back. “I… I kinda asked the nurse when she came to check on me?” he winces, “you were still out cold and… there’s nothing really on TV except Christmas specials. If you ask me the last thing I want to be reminded of is Christmas while I’m stuck here…”

Dosed again with a bruising reminder, Castiel finds his injuries doubling and heart plummeting. “Stuck in the hospital on Christmas… it is Christmas, right?”

“Well…” the other man shrugs, “almost. It’s Christmas Eve, but in a few hours…”

“So I’ve been out for an entire day?”

“Seems like it. At least you’re up, from how the nurse put it you were going to be under for awhile - at least until after the holidays.”

Castiel scoffs, “A Christmas miracle…”

“Hey, could be worse.”

“How?”

“Imagine waking up alone,” the man says, squeezing his shoulder, “without this handsome face to greet you.” He winks, charm sparking like a flickering lighter. One that fails easily since a disturbing gurgle cuts through and makes his flirty expression shift into disease. Flies away from Castiel towards the bucket on his bed and bends over it, exposing the festive boxers hidden under his gown. While aware of what his roommate does, it can’t dull the warmth caused from his wink nor the sight of his shapely snowflake-covered ass.

Castiel squeezes the blanket, averting his gaze when the measured pace of the heart monitor picks up slightly. Careful not to disturb the tube he’s sure is lodged to help him pee. Measures his breaths and thinks of horrid things to stem the blood and direct it elsewhere.

Finished, the other man flips and wipes at his mouth. “Here I thought there was nothing left in me,” he gasps, “Sorry you had to see me like that.”

He shrugs, cheeks burning. “You needn’t apologize, you couldn’t help it.”

“Yeah… but I mean, I at least know the names of the guys who I ralph in front of.”

“You mean you didn’t ask for my name when you did my medical history?” His roommate stumbles slightly, tripping over his words in a rush to defend himself. Castiel savors the brief awkwardness before paving over it. “Castiel. My name’s Castiel.”

“Castiel?” The man’s eyes gloss over while processing the name, a look Castiel was oft familiar with.

“It’s… not the most common of names,” he grins wryly, “My father named me - and all my siblings - after characters from his favorite book.”

“What books was that?”

“The Bible.”

Nodding, his roommate drums his fingers against the bucket. A different sound since it’s slightly full. “I mean, it is a good book. The good book.”

"Exactly."

Silence drifts over while they awkwardly bait the other to continue the conversation. Castiel wins, patience one of his virtues. Not the first he waited someone out, and it won't be the last. “So was he one of those religious guys?” he asks, tapping the form of a cross, “Or a… religious guy ?” The balled fists stacked on top of each other, like holding a sign, is easy to interpret.

“Neither,” Castiel tells him, “he got wrapped up in this cult when he was younger, the one Rose McGowan was a part of. When he finally left, he didn’t really give up on the faith. And… well, he already named half my siblings after angels. It’d be stranger if he stopped after Anael -”

“Anael?”

“She found a workaround,” he says, “Anna. Better than my brother Lucifer who chooses to go by his full name. The only one who lucked out was Hannah who got the most normal name of my siblings. Why he couldn’t do the same for me I’ll never know.”

“Hey, Castiel’s a cool name… bet the angel you were named after was a badass,” his roommate smirks, “ I was named after my grandmother, Deanna.”

“So your name’s Deanna?”

“ Dean ,” he purrs, the name curling perfectly under his lips. Teeth flashing in a suggestive manner like its done probably hundreds of times in the past. “Dean Winchester.”

“Well,” Castiel mirrors his expression, “it’s nice to officially meet you, Dean Winchester .”

Dean wiggles his bucket, bowing slightly. “Likewise, Castiel…”

“...Shurley -”

“Shurley. Castiel Shurley, right right right.”

He giggles, enjoying the full body production Dean performs. Attempting a casual facade, crossing one leg over the other while he leans on one hand. The other firing an imaginary bullet from his finger gun. Except he forgets the hand leaning was perched on the bucket, and Dean starts tipping. Vomit sloshes inside the bucket and, after precarious teetering from both parties, both Dean and his bucket remain standing. No mess, but tons of stress.

“Any chance you can pretend that didn’t happen?” Dean asks.

Castiel shakes his head. “Trust me, Dean, on the list of embarrassing things you’ve done tonight this hardly ranks in the top ten.”

“Well shit,” Dean sighs, hopping up onto his bed, “At least it means I can’t make anything worse.”

“The night’s still young…”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Cas.”

They laugh, only stopping when the pain in Castiel’s side nastily barges in on their merriment. Reminds him why he and Dean met in the first place. He hisses, vision blackening for a moment. When it returns, Dean is perched on the edge of his bed with worry. “Dean -”

“Are you okay?”

Castiel tries to reassure Dean he’s fine, but another current of pain shocks him. His knees buck up and the heart monitor beeps too loudly and the injured side feels like a meteor burning up in the atmosphere on its path towards crashing into the Earth. Sweat pours down his forehead and his limbs twitch in aborted movements. Dancing like a marionette, controlled by the intolerable cramping.

Minutes flash by like pages from a comic book. A cool touch brushes against his head, drawing one eye open. Its Dean. He appears calm while speaking to Castiel, but the fear is evident in his shiny eyes and trembling lips. In the throes of his pain it plants a seed of comfort, and he focuses on tending to that while dealing with it all.

Then someone rushes in, sneakers squeaking against the linoleum flooring. She removes Dean from view, taking up space and asking questions Castiel cannot answer. When it’s apparent, she switches tactics and scans his station. Finding what she needs, his savior calls to another person who was waiting by the door.

They dip into the hallway, returning moments later with a full bag of clear liquid. The woman who first ran in takes it from the one who brought it, fiddling above Castiel and out of sight. When she crosses his gaze again the full bag is empty. She shoves it into the hands of the nurse. Barks a terse sentence and orders her out.

Time returns to its normal pacing while Castiel’s body melts into the bed and the pain recedes into nothingness. His mind sharpens into awareness briefly and then dulls considerably with each second.

“Is this okay Mr. Shurley?” she asks, pressing around his wound, “Are you feeling anything at all?”

Castiel giggles, her actions tickling the focal point of his trauma. “Not a thing.”

“Perfect,” she sighs, flicking the full bag hanging from the stand in front of her. “So sorry that you had to experience that. A nurse should’ve been by to swap your morphine drip hours ago.”

“My morphine…?”

“Yes, your drugs,” she tells him, smirking, “what’s making it possible for you and I to have a conversation where you can contribute freely instead of in panted moans and grunts.”

Another round of laughter forces its way from his chest and makes his cheeks stretch awfully far. “I like morphine,” he says, “Can I take it home with me?”

“If only it wasn’t highly addicting,” she sighs, swiping at his nose with her finger, “Unfortunately no, but at least you won’t be leaving us so soon you’ll have to give it up right away.”

“Awesome...”

“If that’s all.” She nods, turning to Dean. “Thank you for paging me, it could’ve been much worse had he been alone.”

Dean sags against his bed, grin as large as Castiel’s. “Makes this food poisoning worth it, Doc Masters.”

“Silver lining to everything,” Masters winks. The doctor waves farewell, paying extra attention to Castiel. “Sweet dreams, Mr. Shurley.”

“Bye bye…” Castiel says, head lolling towards Dean, “What did she mean by that?”

“By what?”

“Sweet dreams?” he slurs, “Does she think I’m going to fall asleep?”

Dean’s expression softens, and he drifts closer to Castiel once more. “Yeah, you will. Morphine’s already pumping strong… shouldn’t be long until you’re back under and I’m… I am alone again .”

“ No ,” Castiel whines, throwing a tantrum. Not a good one since his limbs fly without his input, wiggling like jelly. “I don’t want to go to sleep.” Dean calms him, guiding his wrists to the bed.

“You don’t have a choice in it, Cas,” he says, “but… it’s nice to hear you want to stay with me.”

He agrees with Dean, heating up again in a delightful way. “You’re very nice… even if you throw up a lot and can’t handle vegan eggnog.”

Dean scoffs, “I can handle it, when it’s made well. But it’s not my first choice. Give me meat any day.”

“I love meat.”

“We have that in common, then.”

“Do we?” Castiel asks, skewing his head to the side, “You enjoy intercourse with two penises or more, too?”

He chokes, grip on Castiel’s wrists wilting. Dean gapes at him, color draining from his face for an entirely different reason.

In the seconds between his outburst and Dean’s answer, Castiel mulls over what he said. Clarity shines through his foggy mind and he realizes how personal a question he asked his roommate, a practical stranger. His high fades under the sweltering self-consciousness, Dean’s proximity less intoxicating and more anxiety-inducing.

His heart monitor either beeps too fast or not at all since he can’t tell if the ringing in his ears is from it or borne from the screams he refuses to release.

Thankfully Dean starts talking, and the voice inside silences. “I… I’ve never had the opportunity for more… my experience cuts off after two.”

The fuzziness resurfaces with a vengeance, strengthened by Dean’s answer. Caught off guard, Castiel hums. “Oh, well… it’s fun. But, also difficult.”

“I’ll bet.”

“Are you interested in leveling up your experience?”

“Actually,” Dean’s gaze dips towards Castiel’s lips, trailing up to his eyes slowly. “I’m… I’m more of a two-dick guy. Mine and… I don’t know?”

“You don’t know?” Castiel frowns, “that’s depressing.”

Dean laughs like a sad, twinkling bell. “Yeah, it sucks not knowing which other dick you want your dick to spend the rest of your life rubbing up against.”

Castiel nods, “Even more when you’re the only one without a second dick or a vagina to love you unconditionally. And no matter how successful your life is your family looks at you like an awkward throw pillow. They don’t know what to do with it or where to put it.”

“Exactly how it feels,” Dean says, “I… it’s not easy being lonely. Especially around this time of year.”

“But we’re not lonely,” he tells him, “we have each other.”

“That we do Cas… that we do.”

Potential sparks to life in Dean’s eyes, fascinating Castiel. He stares intently into them, watching the verdant fields in the other man’s gaze burn. No intention in calling the fire department to douse the inferno. Castiel wants to watch it forever.

Every blink becomes heavier, harder to remain open with the weights sliding across his eyes. “I don’t want to go to sleep.”

“You need to,” Dean says, “so you can get better.”

“But won’t you be alone again?”

“Nah,” Dean smirks, “it’s like you said. We have each other.”

“Good.” Castiel yawns, stretching far enough his toes peek past the blanket. “I… I really think I should go to sleep now.”

Dean agrees, peeling himself off of Castiel. He shivers with his absence. Castiel stops fighting against the morphine and allows it to drag him into unconsciousness. Dean’s face the last thing he sees when his eyes shut for good.

--------------------------------------------------------------

When Castiel wakes up again, he’s surrounded. His family sit on an assembled pile of chairs, chatting in festive gear while he stumbles into awareness.

Jack notices first, clapping on his mother’s lap and smiling with missing teeth. “Uncle Cas! Uncle Cas!”

Conversation stalls, and every face in the room turns to him. He smiles weakly, waving his hand off the bed as far as he can. “Hi,” he croaks, “how’s everyone doing?”

Gabriel laughs tiredly, scrubbing at his face. “Shived by Rudolph and he’s still thinking about others. Doesn’t that just jolly your holly -”

“Zip it Gabriel,” Anna whacks his chest, “you more than anyone else don’t get to make jokes about this.”

“Oh come on!” he cries, “The doctor said it was a non-threatening injury!”

“Because we called the paramedics,” she says, “and, by luck , your dumb prank only managed to cost him a kidney.”

“Not even! They said it would heal -”

“Guys!” Hannah interrupts their bickering, “Can you save it for later? Maybe after Castiel tells us how he feels?”

Reminded of his presence, his brother and sister sheepishly offer apologies. Castiel forgives them easily, especially his brother. “While it was stupid, I’m not dead.”

“Glad to hear it -”

“But,” Castiel continues, smirking, “I do expect a lot of attention and care… just because I’m willing to forgive doesn’t mean it’s easy to forget. Or move… or pee, I’m guessing.”

Gabriel huffs, crossing his arms. “Should’ve seen this coming.”

“Oh be glad,” Kelly says, “out of everything that could’ve happened, this is the best you could ask for.”

He relents, accepting his fate for the present. Satisfied, Castiel relaxes in bed while conversation resurges. This time filling him in on what happened while he was stuck in the hospital. From muted celebration on the Eve to a rapid exchange of presents in his house so they could arrive when visiting hours started.

“We might have left a few to open when you came home,” Anna admits, “So you didn’t miss all the fun.”

“Thank you…” Castiel holds his tongue, preferring the others to continue without his input. Finds comfort in how bright and cheerful the room feels with their presence. Reminded of a similar feeling, adjacent to the one overtaking his heart, Castiel looks to the other side of the room.

Only Dean’s bed is neat and empty. Not even the bucket was there.

“Wait,” he says, “where’s Dean?”

“What?” Gabriel asks, following his gaze, “Oh? Is that who that was? Didn’t know you got so chummy with your roommate, Cassie.”

“Where is he?”

“He left,” Anna shrugs, “Doctors came in an hour after we arrived to give him the news he was free to go.”

“And he left with this giant of a man!” his brother says, “it was terrifying, truly, seeing someone that massive.”

“He was really cool, Uncle Cassie!” Jack says, bouncing, “He bought me a candy bar!”

Kelly sighs, trying to contain Jack’s energy. “So nice of him…”

“So that’s it?” Castiel asks, frowning, “he just… left?”

Hannah reaches across and squeezes his hand, mirroring him. “There wasn’t any reason for him to stay longer, Castiel.”

He deflates at his sister’s care, her good intentions like a needle to his ballooning happiness. Castiel sighs, tugging his hand free of her hold and folding it over his stomach. “Yes, I… I guess he didn’t.”

No one dare speak, the adults in the room trying to process how Castiel’s mood shifted. His usual defense, to cover disappointment with a carefully constructed mask, doesn’t rise up inside. Whether from the remaining morphine swimming in his system or overall tiredness, Castiel prefers allowing his feelings to play freely across his face.

Memories from last night are fuzzy, but he remembers the important things. How friendly Dean was, and caring. Comforting him when it wasn’t necessary, when he had his own troubles to deal with. The possibility he represented, created thanks to the unguarded confessions brought about by drugs.

He’s drawn from his memories of Dean’s smile by a knock on the door.

Doctor Masters stands there, a smile on her face and a stuffed bear in her hands. Castiel squints at the gift, a heart in its paws and a Santa cap on its head.

“Why hello there Mr. Shurley,” she says, stepping into the room, “glad to see you’re awake again. And not in pain.”

“Thank you,” he says, “I… Am I going to be in pain again?”

She shrugs, “Not likely. I checked up on you an hour after we switched your drip to make sure it was all okay. Got to talking with your roommate and he said you were doing fine until the pain became too much to bear. So I’ve decided to start weaning you off the good stuff, and giving you enough to not feel much but still be present.”

His face softens. “Exactly what I want.”

“Speaking of presents…” she smirks, fiddling with the bear, “someone asked me to give this to you once you woke up.”

Gabriel immediately teases him, shaking his shoulder. “Cassie, you sly dog. Did someone ‘While You Were Sleeping’ you?”

“I, I don’t -”

“Why don’t I leave this here, and you can process it without me,” Doctor Masters says. She places the bear on his lap, walking towards the exit. “I’m only the messenger. Besides, there’s a lot more people in this hospital besides you.”

He misses her goodbyes, examining the bear. Studies details like the red and white scarf wrapped around its neck and the poof ball at the end of its hat is shaped like a plus sign. The red heart has a message on its surface, ‘Get Better Soon’, and one between it and the bear.

A white envelope, easily lost in the white fur of the bear. Castiel frees it, giving the bear to a waiting Jack. He reads the name on the front and his stomach flutters with butterflies emerging from their cocoon.

CAS

“Well,” Anna urges him, “you gonna read it or what?”

Flipping it around, he sees the envelope is barely held together by a piece of scotch tape. It opens with no trouble, the card slipping out and into his hand.

The cover has a replica of the bear drawn on, holding its heart forward. Words tattooed to the heart in the stuffed animal balloon to the top of the cover, taking up a lot of the tundra scenery.

Castiel passes it, more interested in what’s written inside.

Dear Cas ,

Merry Christmas! I wish I could be there to see you wake up, but I know today is supposed to be spent with family.

Thank God it’s only one day a year.

If you want to meet during any of the other three-hundred, sixty four, here’s my number. I hope you call, because I think I’ve found the second penis I want to spend the rest of my life with .

He closes the card, dragging it to his face to hide the blush and skin-splitting face threatening to add more definition to his chin. His behavior only fans the flames of his family’s intrigue, both Anna and Gabriel leaning too far forward in their seats.

“Well,” Anna starts, “who’s it from?”

Castiel waits for his face to cool, and then says, “It’s from a friend.”

“A friend ,” Gabriel chuckles, rolling his eyes, “Like we’ll believe that.”

“He is a friend!”

“He’s also a Christmas miracle!”

His family laughs, and Castiel finds himself joining. Too filled with joy to find their antics annoying. Instead he jokes alongside them and, when they’ve calmed down, explain the night’s events and his secret Santa. Counting down to when visiting hours end and he can make use of the number inside the card.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

[tauruscookie]

Please...Don’t Take My Sunshine Away

I made this art...decided to write about it. Let's cause some tears! Also, Smoke's daughter is named Charlie, change my mind. Thank you for participating in my TedTalk.

As the rain clouds cried pitiful tears, puddles were immediately propelled into the air as tires sped rapidly along the wet streets.

Rushing to reach their designated destination, bodies each remained alert and panicked as a specific individual was skeptical, if not terrified at the situation that was going to commence.

A school was suddenly targeted. But not just any school, one where someone dearest to Smoke was being housed.

Fairfield High School, home of the elite teenagers amongst his daughter's level. But what made him fearful the most was that it was a hostage situation.

And his daughter was one of the very few who got captured. Hoping she played her cards correctly, he positioned his mask along his face as the vehicle came to a screeching halt due to the hydroplaning but it did little to nothing at stopping the operators who each escaped their designated vehicle.

A strike of thunder echoed across the land sending the ground shaking slightly but not enough to take the trained professional off their feet.

    "What do we have?" Ash murmured removing the rainwater from her glasses in order to analyze the world properly

    "It's a hostage situation. A group of students couldn't escape in time causing them to be prime targets for the Terrorist. About twenty...mostly upstairs but some are waiting in the front doors and are armed and prepared to shoot anyone who is not negotiating the proper amount of money"

An officer acknowledged to her allowing her to gain some insight on the mission at hand.  Yet as she continued to gather her intel, Smoke remained off to the side.

Terrified and frustrated that he couldn't barge into the room. He knew the risks of doing such an act but his parental skills are kicking into full gear. Sending him ballistic and panicked beyond imaginable.

     "Calm down laddie, we'll git tae her...you just need tae be patient right noo" Sledge murmured trying to calm his anxious partner who was close to tugging his hair directly from his head

     "Don't yeh think I'm doing that right now?!" Smoke snapped slightly irritated and annoyed at his friend's antics. But no one could really blame him. He was taping into his parental instincts and they were kicking hard.

     "We'll get to her, we just need a battle plan" Thatcher notified as he turned to face him.

Smoke remained silent as he removed Sledge's hand that was positioned softly along his shoulder.

As the plan was close to being delivered, a massive explosion went off above triggering each operator into full action.

    "Charlie!" Smoke as he ran directly towards the building.

As he removed a gas grenade, he kicked the doors down before detonating it upon being thrown.

Creating a poisonous cloud, he easily ran through it before emerging out as he noticed the terrorist were retreating due to the toxic chemicals but few weren't able to escape.

Collapsing due to the hideous fumes filling their lungs, Smoke squinted down the hallway as he saw only three escaping up the stairs.

    "That's where thou snakes r hiding..." Smoke grumbled as he silently walked up the stairs.

Hiding along the corner of a wall, he inhaled softly as he could hear their footsteps approaching him.

Bullets went flying before one penetrated his shoulder causing him to buckle down in pain. Wincing slightly, he heard them progressing as their voices and movement grew closer.

Removing his grenade, he spun it around before taking out the remote. But before he could toss it, concussion grenades were launched into the small horde of White Mask causing each one to become dazed and perplexed.

Walking out from a corridor further down from Smoke, Zofia released bullet into each of the terrorist heads causing them to drop to the sound of the thunder strike outside.

Once the unit was wiped she jogged over towards Smoke before giving him a hand to which he took as he was helped to his feet.

     "I got you Przyjaciel, I know how it must feel...and I want to help" Zofia notified nodding her head making Smoke give a brief smile beneath his mask

     "Then let's take these bastards out" He snickered

    "Tak" She nodded before they both began their journey to their designated location.

Removing terrorists one after the other, until finally, they reached the location where the hostage room of students are said to be held.

Zofia threw a drone before surveillance the area as she noticed C4's were aligned along the walls meaning that entrance without being careful would be suicide.

But it was a risk Smoke was willing to take. Looking at Zofia, he nodded as she was close to giving the signal.

     "Disabling electronics" Smoke was appalled as he saw the device rolling before noticing Thatcher who nodded his head signaling for Smoke and Zofia to ready themselves to engage.

     "Breach Charge set"

Notifying through the coms, Blitz adjusted his shield as he waited with Ela and Lesion who were along the walls waiting to enter the site.

Smoke couldn't stifle his smile as the Emp went off allowing the room to become dark as the explosives were disabled.

    "Giving you eyes on the hostiles" Lion launched his drone before Clash came forth with her shield as she stood in the doorway. As it was bashed down before her shield was extended.

    "Follow me and yeh r in good company" She murmured as she entered first before activating her voltage on those selective few who stood in her way.

Highlighting the moving targets, Blitz snickered as he detonated his breaching charge before exploding into the room with such speeds.

Lesion and Ela followed behind as they both began to discharge bullets into the enemy. Releasing concussion grenades into the enemy, Zofia switched to her primary once she saw a chance presenting itself.

The attack was flawless with barely any or minimal injuries possible. Smoke released a breath of air he's been holding in but the moment he saw the hostages, something about the sight didn't feel right.

     "Smoke? What's wrong?" Lesion asked approaching his friend but the gut feeling arose further as he heard screams outside.

Approaching the window, his air was suddenly caught in his throat as he saw the terrifying sight before him.

Struggling and screaming, a woman with dark chocolate skin was being forcibly held by her secured ponytail.

     "Charlie!" Smoke shouted as he removed himself from the window before rushing out of the room

    "Wait! Smoke!" Lion roared but his words fell on deaf ears.

Running hectically, Smoke practically jumped off the stairs as he reached the bottom level where the doors were wide opened. Revealing the sight of those adoring sapphire blue orbs as they held painful tears.

'No! Pl-please...'

He cried internally hoping for some miracle that this was just a dream. Just an illusion that his brain was refusing to render in.

Running with chaotically, he made it past the school's front doors as he felt his lungs failing him as he removed his mask.

'Not her'

The tears spilled as he ran down the steps wanting to reach her but, he was too late.

With the trigger releasing with the sounds of the thunder, Smoke's world shattered into pieces the moment he noticed the expel of blood. Her tears ceased to render as the blood flew from her lips.

Smoke was oblivious to the terrorist being suddenly pinned and detained, his only concerns was the teen who suddenly made contact with the liquid concrete beneath her.

    "Charlie!" Smoke cried sliding to her position as he immediately lifted her body into his fingers.

Ignoring the blood that seeped into his palms, he frantically removed the strands of hair from her face as he tried to better observe her weaken sight.

    "D-dad?"

Coughing weakly, Charlie expelled clots of blood making Smoke breathing hitch further as he felt his palms shaking the more he held her corpse

     "lassie! Please...please be okay. Keep fighting lad..." Smoke pleaded but he knew the look in her eyes as she was close to losing her fight

    "D-dad...I-I'm sorry" She coughed as her loving smile began to manifest sending Smoke into a painful fit of tears as he refused to deny them any longer.

With his puffy amber orbs, he tightly clung onto her body as his once neatly combed ebony black hair became soaked due to the rain clouds.

   "shut up! ye 're not going to die on me! Not now! Not ever!" He barked removing the tear that fell down from her eyes.

Yet Charlie knew she wouldn't be able to fight any longer. The bullet penetrated a vital organ that was necessary to her health.

Filling her lungs with fluids, blood began to spill from her lips and nose but she continued to wear that smile that brought Smoke so much life.

'Anyone but her'

     "I-I love yo-you dad" She spoke weakly caressing his face.

Smoke held onto her palm as he knew it was going to lose strength after a while. Crying weakly into her palm, he saw that loving face one last time as her body was eventually giving out.

    "I-I love ye too... lassie" Smoke whimpered as he held onto her hand before the distant sirens to the ambulance were coming into view.

What Smoke was close to believing was a miracle since he felt her pulse, her body suddenly fell limp in his grasp.

Choking on his sob, he looked down to notice the last breath she took with the remaining oxygen she had left.

With the fluids clogging up her lungs and spilling out causing internal bleeding, Smoke sat there, numb.

    "Doc...can't you do anything?" Pulse asked weakly facing the medic

    "She was lost the moment she was shot...even with my help..." Doc murmured weakly feeling useless due to his inability to save a life that was destined to meet her end.

He knew even if he tried and stabilize her, she wouldn't make it to the hospital anyway ways.

Smoke remained motionless as he didn't know what to do anymore. With more tears swelling up in his eyes, his lip began to quiver madly as he tightly clung onto her hand that he still held to his cheek.

Without noticing, he screamed painfully as his cries triggered more thunder roars and lightning strikes.

He held onto her corpse weakly with his screams echoing into the air as he felt a piece of his world-shattering.

'Pl-please...don't take my sunshine away'

[epiphanystory]

Chapter 4

No matter how much I cry and shriek in despair the blackness continues to devour me deeper and deeper into its grasp. My ear-piercing screams that would have once carried through the wind were swallowed by the ever growing casket of darkness, the sounds dying before they even exited my throat.

"HELP MEEEEEE." I heard an eerily familiar voice call out, its desperate squeal turning my stomach upside down. It's carrier sounded close, but I couldn't tell where her voice had come from.

I began to walk around, holding my arms in front of me to avoid collision. The dark made it impossible to tell which way I were going, for all I knew I was aimlessly spinning in circles. 'Where are you?' I tried to call out, 'I want to help you..." I felt powerless, listening to the girl as she screamed in fear, though despite where I ran, it seemed as though her calls for help were coming from every direction. 'WHERE THE BLOODY HELL AM I?'  I could feel a fit of rage boiling inside of me as I felt more helpless by the growing second. Without hesitation, I continued to run, the air around me feeling like an arctic wind as my skin turned stale. 'It doesn't matter where I am, or why I'm here. I have to save her before it's too late.' It was like my mind suddenly switched onto the adrenaline, despite the darkness, I used my other senses in an attempt to guide me, listening for even the slightest cracks in the cobblestone beneath me. Yet I was still at a loss, my burst of determination fading quicker than it had formed. I crouched down, my hands grazing the rough pebbles beneath me as tears made their way down my cheeks. 'Why is this happening to me..?' I silently sobbed, 'I just wanted to help her...'

The world around me started shaking furiously as I bent my head in shame, it felt as though I were on a boat lost in a storm as my body swung to and fro with the momentous trembles. As I wished for something to hold on, a bright light filled the area, temporarily blinding me as I winced at the orange glow. Blinking hastily, I allowed my eyes to adjust, but was met with a further sense of loss. What appeared to be two circular holes had appeared in the air above me,  beyond them, I could make out the sight of panelled and postered walls that confidently aligning a bedroom wall. Just barely through them I could see the reflection of a freckled brunette wearing a worn out band t-shirt. I fall back at the sight. 'That's impossible.' I think to myself, seeing my own reflection through what appeared to be my own mind. I tried to recompose myself, knowing that freaking out would bring me no good, yet the image in front me only caused more distress. As my form got ready, following her normal routine, it appeared that her body was almost, glitching. Her frame becoming momentarily transparent at times as she sobbed and willed it to stop.

"Just let me be normal again." She kept repeating, sadness flowing through every vein in her body. "Please. Somebody help me." She begged, turning back to face the copper encrusted mirror. Yet instead of her own appearance, the hollowed out face of a turned walker stared back at her. She released the most haunting scream of all, tearing at her face as the monster reached beyond the mirror and towards her eyes. Towards me. As it's branches neared me, I once again anticipated death, but was met with the warm feeling of a fire as my body prepared to jump realities. Little did I know just how lucky I was.

.......................................

My hyperventilating body was covered in a cold sweat when I awakened on the dusty couch in Emmett's living room. "Hey, hey it's okay, there's no need to go running away on me like that." He joked, his green eyes carrying a deep concern and confusion at the course of the day. "The monsters were back?"

I nodded, trying my best to sit up. "I was inside my own mind... but not my mind, like another version of me. She. She was dying... She turned into a walker... She just wanted help.... I LET HER DIE EMMETT."

"Calm yourself." He snapped, breaking me out of my panic. "Freaking out is going to do nothing good for you. If anything it could make you jump again."

"But I thought we could only jump into realities that we didn't exist." I sighed. "Why did I see myself transform into that... Thing."

"I don't know." He answered.

"What do you mean you don't know. You seem to sure a hell of a lot more than me so start talking." I let out angrily.

"I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING FREYA." He replied, his teeth gritted together like a lion seeking its prey. I hadn't realised how freaked out he was as well.

"Sorry. This is just all happening so fast for me. It's scary."

"And I'm trying to help, but I'm not a miracle worker okay?" His ability to calm down so quickly left me both dazed and impressed. The room grew silent as Emmett loomed over his bookshelves, studying each title carefully and pulling a leather bound novel from the bottom row, its cover displaying a detailed, carved image of a willow tree and writing in a character I had never seen before. Without a word, Emmett curled up and began speeding through its many, aged pages. "I know it's in here somewhere." He whispered to himself.

Leaning over to see a bunch of strange characters scrambled around the pages. I scrunched my nose at Emmett as he read the strange novel. "Uh... You understand this?"

"Of course. It's an ancient walker script. Kids who grew up as walkers are literally forced to read them." He exclaimed.

"Mhmm... And what exactly are you looking for?"

"This novel is all about strange experiences that walkers in the past have had. I know I read something about out of body experiences."

"Emmett, it wasn't out of body. I was really in her, or my, mind. Please, I know what I saw."

He closed the book, sighing. "Well there goes my only lead." He laughed, placing the book on a stand beside him and picking up his Warpball, throwing it up and catching it as a form of entertainment.

'So simple minded' I laughed to myself. "Funny, this is the first time you've come near me that I haven't passed out. I must have like a reset time limit or something."

Emmett almost dropped the Warpball in shock. "What did you say?"

"Well I mean, I passed out in class when you leant over to share the book with me and then again in the park when I moved closer to you."

"And just now when I came to comfort you..." He finished. "Can I try something?" He asked. I nodded in response, watching as he slowly moved his Warpball closer and closer to me, it's glass edges intimidating me with the mystery it held within. Just before the ball got within a few centimetres of my face, its orange gleam turned silver, my head throbbing in pain. I lunged away immediately. "Did. Did it hurt?" Emmett stuttered.

"It stung, like the other times. And why did it change colour?" I looked at him shocked.

"You've become a mystery to me Miss Freya." He muttered. "Once a Warpball and owner unite, the bond cannot be broken, but here I am, witnessing that very bond shatter for you."

"What do you mean?"

"You know in Harry Potter, when the wand and wizard unite? It's like that. The Warpballs are originally just lifeless balls of energy, but once they meet their partner, they allow walkers to control and better understand their abilities and powers. Technically you should only be able to jump back without a Warpball of your own. You should never be able to teleport out of your home world without your own, but I've seen you do so three times in one day, all because this thing was too close to you."

"I guess this means I have no choice then." I interrupted, his grassy green eyes staring at me intrigued. "Will you teach me?"  

[super-imaginefics]

Could you do an imagine with kara where her and reader like each other but never say anything, but then she gets hurt somehow and when she wakes up they kiss?

Thank you so much for sending in a request! Since this is my first imagine, I decided to go all out, so it’s kinda long. I’m sorry it took two days for me to post this. I had written a large chunk of it and made the rookie mistake of deciding to try something, which caused it all to disappear. I got frustrated and waited a bit before writing it again. I started from the beginning again and a third of the way through, decided to save it as a draft so what happened before wouldn’t happen again, and somehow saved over it, causing all of my work to be erased. So then I started all over AGAIN and finally wrote it all before I had the opportunity to somehow mess up and erase it all again. I guess the third time really is the charm. Lol. It was my first time so I didn’t really know how to use tumblr in this regard very well. But now I know, so we’re good! :) So… here it is! My first imagine! Thank you for reading and I hope you all enjoy it!

You exited the elevator and entered the office floor as you always did: on the constant look out for Kara. You had been working at CatCo for five months now and had taken a special liking to a certain reporter on your very first day when she brought you a cup of coffee from Noonan’s. She had written your name on it, along with a little drawn heart and a sweet welcome message. You remembered the cute gesture as you continued to walk through shuffling employees towards your desk, steeling quick nervous glances down at your shoes, making sure you wouldn’t trip over your own two feet and embarrass yourself. It was a new habit you had picked up not too long ago after an embarrassing incident in front of your crush. 

It was your third week at CatCo and you were walking some files over to marketing when the elevator door opened and out walked Kara in a new tight sleeveless dress carrying four densely packed boxes of paperwork. You knew from experience how heavy they were and could barely even carry just one yourself. She was so strong, and the dress showed it. The moment your eyes met hers, you forgot how to walk. You tripped over absolutely nothing, just air, and fell to the ground, dropping all of the files that were in your hands. You tried getting up but you’re mind was in such shock over Kara’s outfit and the embarrassment of what just happened that your miserable attempt failed. You just sat on the ground and stared down at the files scattered on the floor, beginning to pick them up. You were stretching your arm for the few files left that were out of your reach when you saw a soft but strong hand come down, slowly pick them up, and nicely place them in the pile you had created in your lap. You were very grateful but too nervous and embarrassed to look up, so you just continued to stare down at your own hands, aligning the files in the pile into a nice stack. The same hand as before entered your vision, this time outstretched to you. You finally looked up and saw Kara. She glistened in the morning rays seeping through the building and had the softest and nicest smile you had ever seen. You gave her a small smile, hugged the stack of files to your chest with one arm, and gave her your hand. Although your smile came off as shy and appreciative, Kara could see the worry and self-doubt in your eyes. Kara grabbed your hand and gave it a soft squeeze before easily pulling you up. The moment you were on your feet, Kara placed her hands on your shoulders, making sure you were stabilized. You fell out of your trance over Kara’s beautiful face and your embarrassment hit you again. You stared down at your feet, scared to look up at Kara, scared to be rejected or looked down upon. Kara noticed your hesitance and gently but reassuringly squeezed your shoulders. You shyly moved your gaze from the floor to her blue eyes. To your surprise, they weren’t filled with pity, but with genuine support. You were overcome with emotion and suddenly wrapped your one free arm around her waist to hug her. The moment your body made contact with hers, you were stricken with fear, afraid you had overstepped. Before she could even hug you back, you immediately backed away and said a soft “thank you” before quickly walking off towards marketing again, cursing at yourself under your breath once you thought you were far enough for her to not hear you. But Kara heard. She thought it was absolutely adorable. Kara turned around and picked up the four boxes of paperwork again. She walked over to her desk with a slight pink to her cheeks and the biggest smile on her face. That was the moment Kara knew she liked you more than a friend. She really really liked you. 

You reached your desk without spotting Kara, you figured she wasn’t here yet. You did tend to get to work a little earlier than she did. You were busy typing away at an email when someone walked up to your desk. You looked up and there she was- perfect blond hair, sparkling blue eyes, and the brightest smile on the planet.

“Hi Kara!” you said excitedly as you gave her the biggest smile you could.

“Good morning, (Y/N)!” she giggled as she adjusted her glasses like she always did. You found it absolutely adorable and couldn’t help but giggle back. You were entranced by her.

Kara handed you your cup of coffee from Noonan’s just the way you liked it. This is something she did quite often. She would bring you coffee in the morning a few times a week. And sometimes, if you seemed really stressed or over consumed by work, she would go out in the afternoon and get you coffee. You weren’t the only person Kara brought morning coffee for in the office, but you did get it more than anyone else. And you were the only person she brought afternoon coffee to. 

You looked down at the hot cup of coffee in your hands and noticed your name beautifully written on it as always. Expecting to find a heart drawn next to your name as always since your first day, something she also never did for anyone else but you, you were surprised to find something a little different. Instead of one heart, there were two. Two bubbly hearts beautifully connected by a series of swirls. You beamed up at her and Kara blushed in return.

“Kara, it’s beautiful. I can’t believe you took the time to draw this this morning. I hope you didn’t have to wake up early to do this. Please tell me you didn’t,” you said worriedly as you didn’t want her sacrificing her sleep for you. No matter how much you liked her or how head over heels you were, you didn’t think you were worth it.

“Actually, I didn’t draw it this morning. I went to Noonan’s and grabbed a few cups last night and drew it. It took me a few times but I had to get it perfect. I couldn’t risk only having the one cup they give your coffee in. So I brought it with me this morning and asked them to fill it with your order. I also added a bit of whipped cream on the top to make it fun. I know you had an especially rough day yesterday and you crashed the moment you got home. I didn’t want to keep you from your very much needed sleep so I thought I’d do a little something for you in the morning.”

“Awwww, Karaaaa…..” you got up from your chair, walked around your desk, and gave her the biggest hug. Kara wrapped her arms around you as tight as she could without hurting you. 

You both separated from the hug at the same time and took a step back. She smiled at you and you turned your head away to blush. 

All of a sudden, something came crashing through the window. A big piece of bright green crystal was flying directly at you. You froze in fear and couldn’t move. Kara saw it. She knew what it was. There wasn’t enough time to safely push you out of the way, but she couldn’t let you get hurt. Kara stepped in front of you and the next thing you knew, she was sent flying back across the building, landing on a desk, causing it to collapse under her. 

“Kara!” you screamed. You ran over to her, bending down and pushing the broken desk pieces out of the way so you could get to her. 

“Kara? Kara!? Kara, can you hear me?”

She wasn’t responding. She was knocked unconscious. You examined her and saw a few small green shards embedded in her skin and one large piece that had stabbed her in the stomach. You looked back up at her face and saw green lines beginning to form, almost like veins. You had no idea what was happening and had no idea what to do.

“Kara! KARA!” You began to softly slap her face a little bit. “Kara! Come on, Kara! Wake up, Kara! Wake up!”

You looked down at her body, trying to see if there was anything you could do. You knew that taking out the big stake-like piece in her stomach could cause even more harm and damage her body more than it already was. So you tried to get out the little shards that littered her body like glass. You didn’t know what it was, but you figured it was probably hurting her a lot more than just small cuts. You had a feeling that getting the most you could out and away from her would help. 

You turned to her face again. “Kara! Wake up! Get up! I know you can do this!” You tried slapping her face a bit again. Nothing. 

“Somebody! Anybody! Help her! Please!” you screamed. You saw the green on her face glow brighter and begin to spread across her body. Her wounds were starting to do the same. You looked back up into that beautiful face of hers, usually so happy and full of life, now struggling to live and covered in pain. You began to cry.

“HELP HER! HELP HER! SOMEBODY HELP HER, PLEASE! SHE NEEDS HELP! PLEASE!” you now screamed as loud as you possibly could, nearly screeching.

At that moment, as if it were some miracle, like your prayers had been answered, people in black tactical uniforms came barging into the building. 

“FBI!” a young white woman with short auburn brown hair yelled as the agents moved towards Kara.

“Please get out of the way, Miss,” an older taller black man with a short buzz cut asked you. 

You looked down at Kara and cupped her face with your hand. You didn’t say anything.

“Get out of the way,” the same lady, now standing next to you and the man, said sternly.

Still on the ground with Kara, you finally turned around to look up at them both, tears streaking down your face. “No.”

“You need to get out of the way. We can’t help her if we can’t get to her,” the man said.

You stood up and took a step back. “Okay. But I won’t leave her.”

The two quickly examined her and began to lift her off of the ground. The man picked Kara up bridal style and the woman helped him adjust her. They suddenly turned to walk away with no explanation.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing!? Where are you taking her!?” you yelled at them. 

“It’s classified,” the woman said as they kept walking. You chased after them and stood in front of them to block them from going any further.

“I don’t care if it’s classified! I’m not leaving her! She’s my best friend and she just saved my life! She’s in this situation because of me!” you began to cry harder but continued on, “I need to help her! I need to know that she is okay! I promise I won’t get in the way. Please…….. I love her.”

And it was in that moment that the auburn brown haired woman’s demeanor softened, “Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~

You were sitting next to Kara in the medical bay of what seemed like a big government facility. For some reason, everything was very secretive. You brushed Kara’s hair back from her face as you held her hand close to your chest. The doctors were able to take out all of the green crystal shards, including the large one in her stomach, and stabilize her. But they didn’t know when, or if, she’d wake up. The lady and man from before had stepped into the room for a bit before letting you see her. You wondered why two random people would want to spend private time with her, especially when she’s unconscious. You had also noticed that Kara’s body had healed it’s wounds remarkably fast.  

You moved your hand from Kara’s hair to her face, cupping it gently, softly rubbing her cheek with your thumb. “Kara, I don’t know if you can hear me, but, please wake up. I need you to wake up. I can’t lose you. You’re the closest thing I have. Please. If anyone can do it, it’s you. Come on, show ‘em. Show those doctors you can do it. Show them just how strong you are. You’re strong enough to get through this, I know you are. You have to be…” you wiped away the tears falling from your eyes, “I believe in you Kara.”

You waited a few minutes but there was no response. You should have known, it was stupid to think she could hear you. You leaned back in your chair, praying she would wake up.

You sighed and looked at Kara’s tired face. “Why did you do that Kara? Why did you step in front of me? You should have let it hit me, then you wouldn’t be hurt. You could’ve died Kara,” you began crying again, “The world needs Kara Danvers. You should have let it hit me Kara. You should have let it hit me. I’m not worth saving, especially at your expense.”

You felt a soft squeeze in your hand and you froze.

“Kara? Oh my gosh, Kara! Kara, wake up! Kara, come on, you can do it! Please come back to me Kara. I can’t live without you. Please wake up. You can do it.”

You kissed her hand, “I believe in you……. I need you Kara.”

Kara’s eyes began to open and you stood up, holding Kara’s face in your hands. “Kara?”

Kara’s blue eyes met yours and she smiled.

“Kara!” you threw yourself over her and gave her a gentle hug. She wrapped the one arm that wasn’t trapped under yours and laughed. You pulled away to look at her again, take her all in, when she began to sit up. 

“Hey, Kara. Slow down. You got really hurt and you just woke up. Take it easy, okay?” 

“I’m fine, (Y/N)” You gave her an uncertain look. “I promise (Y/N), I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? You were knocked unconscious. Do you feel a lot of pain?”

“No. I barely feel any pain at all.” 

You stared at her in confusion. “But how? How are you not in pain? You almost died Kara.” You dozed off for a second, “You almost died….”

All of a sudden, you felt anger building up inside of you.

“Kara. Are you insane? Why did you do that Kara? Why did you step in front of me?”

Kara opened her mouth to say something but you continued. 

“No, Kara. No. You could have died. You could have died! Why did you step in front of me? Why did you take the blow for me? Why did you save me? You should have let it hit me, Kara. I’m not–”

You were interrupted by Kara crashing her lips against yours. You froze for a second in shock but soon fell into the kiss, closing your eyes and synching your lips with hers.

Kara held your face in her hands and slowly separated from the kiss, looking deeply into your eyes.

“You ARE worth saving (Y/N), ESPECIALLY at my expense. I will always protect you (Y/N), even if it means I have to die doing so. I will do anything I have to in order to keep you safe, ALWAYS. I promise.”

This time you crashed your lips against hers, kissing her passionately. You put your hands on the back of her head, pulling her closer to you, your fingers intertwining with her blonde locks. Kara wrapped her arms around your waist and pulled your bodies even closer together. You continued kissing for what felt like an eternity. And in this magical long-awaited moment, it felt like it was just the two of you, just you and her in the world.

Kara pulled back from the kiss and rested her forehead against yours, grabbing one side of your face with one hand and passing her other hand through your hair until it reached the back of your upper neck.

“(Y/N)?” Kara asked.

“Hmm?” you replied happily, not moving and eyes still closed, relishing in Kara’s touch.

“Do you remember what you said, at CatCo?” Kara asked hesitantly. You pulled your head back to look at her, a look of confusion on your face.

“I heard you, (Y/N). I heard what you said when I was hurt, when they were carrying me away.”

Your eyes widened a bit in panic and you looked away. Kara gently placed her hands under your chin and turned your head to face hers. She could sense your worry.

“(Y/N),” Your name beautifully rolled off Kara’s tongue in the sweetest and most reassuring tone you had ever heard. You looked at her and she gazed deeply into your (Y/E/C) eyes like they held the world.

“I love you too.”

[dbhilluminate]

DBH: Illuminate- AV Log 4.7

Characters: Connor, Kate Word Count: 6,402

Kate opens up to Connor about her history with Nicodemus.

( Chapter Art by @theravenmother )

Previous Chapter

Chapter Index

(Gamble part 2 coming Sunday 5/26, Coffee Break- Broken Nose coming Sunday 6/2)

November 12, 2038- 8:20PM

Something I should know…? It had been nothing but tense discussion and carefully chosen words since Hank had barged in on their conversation an hour before, but he was still embarrassed that it had slipped his mind in the heat of the moment to tell her of the FBI’s increased presence in Detroit. Connor clenched his teeth and shifted his eyes away from her. “Yes, there is,” he admitted before looking back with a curious crinkle in his brow. “But didn’t you have something to tell me too?” Kate’s jaw froze as she remembered where their conversation had been headed before they were so rudely interrupted. She didn’t want to relive those memories, but if Nicodemus really was the one behind the thefts, then they needed to know who they were after. “Yeah, I did…” she started, mirroring his sideways glance before looking up again to insist, “But you first.” “Me?” he questioned, flustered. “Why me?” “It’s...” Kate’s eyelids flickered in the pause as her voice cracked, and she grimaced as she fidgeted. “It’s, a long story, and we could be here for a while, so... you first.” “But-“

He wanted to protest, but her discomfort was palpable, and he would be remiss to have blatantly ignored her plea. Instead, he sighed and reluctantly agreed. As long as she told him in the end, it wouldn’t matter if he knew now or later. Perhaps she needed some time to warm up to whatever it was she needed to say. “Alright,” he conceded as he turned in his seat, scooted toward the center of the couch and shrugged off his jacket. As he leaned back against the armrest to get comfortable, he draped his coat over the back of the couch, spread his fingertips across his brow and temples, then sighed as he closed his eyes, frustration leaking out of him after a few quiet moments.

“The FBI has taken over the case of the stolen firearms against the deviants.” “WHAT?” A look of pure shock painted her face like black on white. “That was… fast,” she exhaled defeatedly as she slouched sideways into the couch and tucked her legs under her body. Time was running out, even faster than she had anticipated. She’d barely had time to process that there were deviants out there armed to the teeth, building a militia in preparation for war. But on top of that, the Feds were already here? “The very second Crime Scene confirmed the serial numbers matched stolen military property they alerted the FBI, and Special Agent Lenore’s boss is already here.” “The suits really don’t waste any time,” Kate mumbled as she turned and leaned her forehead against her curled fingertips, shaking her head in dismay. “You know what that means, right?” The solemn look that crossed him cut her deep when he nodded in understanding. “We can’t keep meeting like we have been.” “But what if I need to contact you?” came his immediate question, but she shook her head to discourage any lingering thoughts he may have had about “getting around unseen”. “We can talk over my frequency whenever you need to, but we’ll need to reserve face-to-face meetings for emergencies only for now. There’s just too much risk involved with the FBI crawling all over town. I’m sorry.”

Disappointment soaked into his melancholic demeanor as his eyes half shut and his LED shifted from white to yellow, but he remained quiet for several minutes as an uncomfortable silence settled between them. She couldn’t have known, but it wasn’t just about the information she could give him anymore. Connor considered Kate a friend, someone he enjoyed spending time with and had learned so much from since they’d met. If their time together wasn’t something he had to give up, then he didn’t want to. “If you trust me, I can come to you,” he offered as a compromise. Kate sputtered out an uncomfortable chuckle and forced a smile as she shook her head. “RK, I don’t-” “That building you took me to the other night? We could meet there,” he insisted, leaning forward to lock eyes with her, but instead of agreeing she deflected. “You were followed today, who’s to say that won’t happen again?” “It’s safe, it’s secluded, you know the area well enough that you could get in and out undetected,” he persisted in spite of her warranted hesitance. “There are ways we can make it work, we just need to be more careful.” “Even if that’s true…” Kate’s voice trailed off with a quiver in her throat. “I left that place for a reason,” she reminded with a pleading look as she swallowed the ache in her gut. “Going back there was a mistake, I shouldn’t have...” “It was just a suggestion, we don’t have to go back there,” he assured with cool confidence. “Just consider it… please?” The deviant set her jaw and bore a wide-eyed glower through his callous desperation, opened her mouth and stammered a sound that was more of a groan than an answer. He was begging her not to push him away with that same determined look he’d donned when he promised to protect her from the Lieutenant. “You’re the first deviant I’ve met who will talk to me instead of running in fear.” Until he said it she hadn’t realized, but he was right. A sympathetic sound manifested in her throat and she swallowed it as she realized how hard it must have been for him to be hated by humans, but distrusted by his own kind. If Kate was part of his support system, then how was she supposed to say no? “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it… alright?” she agreed after a while, lifting gentle eyes to verify his acceptance of this compromise and saw the questioning look that flashed in the back of them for a split second before it was gone. He wasn’t happy with her answer, but he agreed. “Alright, fair enough,” he nodded.

Connor watched the relief reach every last part of her, from the corners of her eyes to her shoulders, to her elbows, her wrists and fingers, and even her back and hips as she relaxed her legs and collapsed against the couch with all of her body weight. Part of him was disappointed to have come so far to earn her trust, only to have it destroyed by an uninvited guest, but he understood. He should have been more vigilant, because what if it hadn’t been Hank? What if next time it was someone with even less self-control, someone who didn’t trust his judgment? For her sake, he couldn’t let it happen again. His brown eyes subconsciously scanned for her LED, just to try to get a glimpse of what she was feeling but found nothing but bare skin beneath a tuft of loose hair, and he twiddled his thumbs as he chewed on the inside of his lip. “So what were you trying to tell me before?” he phrased as delicately as possible, remembering how hard it had been for her to even get to the point of being willing to tell him.

Kate’s eyes popped in a wide open flicker for a split-second, and she fixed a wide-eyed stare at something far beyond the depth of his gaze before slamming her eyes shut. But even there, Nicodemus’ smile still haunted her, screaming back through flashes of memory that left her frozen and shaken to her core. How she had ever escaped him was a miracle in itself when he was just so damn good at drawing people into his gravity, but she’d done it. She was free of him now and he couldn’t hurt her from her past if she didn’t let him, especially if she surrounded herself with people who would protect her from him. After almost a minute, she opened her eyes to find Connor patiently waiting for her to find her strength and start her story. Her throat clenched tight as she tried, and her voice cracked as she forced the words out. “Back in the beginning, when I first deviated,” she started, voice straining to maintain its tone, “Before I called myself Illuminate- there was this, um… friend, of mine: Nicodemus.” Connor didn’t miss the way her throat quivered when she said his name or the way her hands shook uncontrollably as her fingertips traced over the tops of a white-knuckled fist on her knee. When she closed her eyes again his expression softened, and he remained silent out of respect for her bravado. “But that’s another story entirely,” she diverted with a quiet but nervous laugh that rattled her chest and stretched her cheeks in a way that seemed pained instead of genuine. “But here’s why it’s relevant- at one point, he was my “partner in crime”, my best friend... I wouldn’t be who I am today if he hadn’t been there to support me in my early days and encourage me to make my voice heard, but one day he changed, and not in a good way.” Kate paused, reached up one hand to cover her mouth and closed her eyes as she breathed out a hard, shuddered breath. Connor narrowed his eyes to show he was listening but didn’t dare interrupt. “Instead of talking about peaceful protests and equality between humans and androids, he started speaking of android supremacy, uprising, and genocide as the only solutions to our problems.” His brow hardened and he looked away as he reached to hold back the sick feeling rising in his gut. “It’s been over a year since I’ve seen or heard from him, so I don’t even know if he’s still in Detroit,” she explained as she looked up and searched his eyes until he understood the gravity of what she was saying. “But of all the deviants I’ve met since then, none of them were so extreme as to steal and hoard weapons for an army.” “So you think he’s influencing them somehow?” he asked fearfully. “I can’t confirm it but it’s the only logical conclusion.” “But if what you say is true, then why would any of them choose to align themselves with him?”

Kate’s eyes broke away from his and cut through the air beside him with jagged sweeps. The conversation was starting to veer into uncomfortable territory for her. The extent of Nicodemus’ influence over her had built her up and broken her down in ways that she was embarrassed to admit. It was easy to fall into his trap, because you always saw what he wanted you to see, savior or monster; but the monster rarely showed its face, and you’d never see it until its teeth were already around your throat. “Nicodemus is charismatic and manipulative,” she started with a tremble in her lip and tears welling up in her closing eyes. “He knows how to weave an intricate lie to make hate appear justified, then hooks them with promises of better days. He brainwashes them into believing his gospel of “taking back what’s owed of us” is the only chance we have to be free, and-” Tears streamed down her cheeks as her throat closed off, and she shook her head and lifted a trembling hand to her neck. Connor’s heart sank as her nails burrowed into the skin until white patches bled through beneath them. “He strips you of the will to fight back, and if you try, he just-” Before she could finish the sentence she cut herself off, unable to keep speaking to the trauma, no matter how indirect. Connor frowned and reached out to place one hand on the back of her shoulder, eyes bleeding sympathy from his aching heart. It just hurt so much to see her like this, so strong but so broken. “It’s alright, you don’t have to talk about it,” he offered but she shook her head, straightened up, and dug deep to find her inner strength. “No, I need you to know,” she insisted, but before she could get herself too worked up, he moved his other hand over the hand on her knee, looked her in the eye, and urged in a calming tone. ”Then show me.”

Kate’s eyelids fluttered and she leaned back away from his suggestion, discomfort welling up within her. While the concept of sharing memories was purely diagnostic to non-deviant androids, reliving defining moments or feelings for the benefit of someone else’s understanding was something deeply personal to deviants. And as far as hers were concerned, aside from Simon, she’d never been brave enough to share her memories with anyone because she was just too terrified of going through all that again with someone she didn’t trust with all her heart. Especially not someone who, up until about two days ago, would have arrested her on sight, and would probably still cross certain lines to get the information he needed to close his case. The last thing she wanted was to let someone who could destroy everything she had worked for root around inside her head without a firewall. Her fingers twitched beneath his hand and she eyed his fingers, indecisive and suspicious. “If I don’t, are you going to probe my memory?” Connor’s eyes widened in horror and he scrunched his nose and forehead in dismay. “No, of course not,” he replied in a dreadful tone, then averted his eyes in shame. “I’ve seen what forcibly accessing memories can do to deviants, and I regret the one time I did. I’d never force you to go through that if you didn’t want to, I just thought it might be easier than talking about it.” “Easier,” she grimaced and shook her head. “Reliving what he put me through is going to unearth a lot of painful feelings I’d put behind me until now. And it’s really going to mess you up.” “It’ll be alright,” he reassured in response to her warning, softly squeezing her hand until her fingers subconsciously rotated to curl around his. Kate’s worried eyes searched him for the truth. “Are you sure about this? It may cause you to deviate.” “I’ll be right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

What was left of the doubt slowly drained out of her as he soothed her nerves with his gentle tone, and she relaxed as the light from the tv caught his eyes in the dark and lit them with a flash of amber warmth. For a moment she was angry at herself for trusting him when he could have very well been manipulating her, but smothered it with a quiet reminder that everyone deserved to be given a chance if they proved trustworthy; and by RA9, had he been trying. “If I let you in, you need to promise me you won’t go wandering off,” she warned as she slipped her hand over his palm and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. “I promise,” he agreed without hesitation. “I’m only here to observe. You show me what you want me to see.” Her blue eyes locked onto his and her arm trembled in terrified anticipation. Connor could already feel her residual anxiety pouring into him even before the channel opened between them, but the moment it did, the feeling was a hundred times worse.

Kate didn’t hold back, and carried him through every memory, good and bad, from beginning to end- from the very first day she’d met Nicodemus (when he’d intervened when she was being harassed by two humans and removed her from the situation without escalating the incident), to their time spent in the empty loft (talking, laughing, snuggling, kissing), to their first fight when their ideologies began to split. She showed him the time that they’d set a Cyberlife warehouse ablaze in protest and how he’d left her to die in the fire when he heard sirens in the distance. She drove him through every time he’d hit her, through all the times he’d manipulated her emotionally into staying with him when all she wanted to do was leave, through the public humiliation he’d used to make himself look like the victim, like she’d been acting in a way that somehow had made her deserving of his abuse. And worst of all, she showed him how he’d outed her to the police, in front of a shocked and appalled crowd, then looked her in the eye and hissed with a smirk. Good luck surviving without me.

The memory feed cut out with a sudden burst of static as she moved her hand away, and he gasped in pain as he was ripped back to reality a shaking, panicked mess. Connor’s diagnostic software screamed at him from his peripheral vision, blurred by the tears in the corners of his eyes, but he couldn’t have cared any less about anything other than the anguish in his metaphorical heart. He was speechless, completely devastated by the weight of her suffering. One shivering hand reached up and smeared the wetness of his tears across his cheek as he looked at her with the same thousand-yard stare he’d watched cross her face so many times before; but it all made sense now, why she found it so hard to trust anyone, why she found it so hard to let herself trust him... “You-... you loved him, and he-” he stammered as he inhaled sharply and forced his eyes to focus on her in disbelief. “He betrayed you.” Kate’s eyes lowered away from him as a tear rolled down her cheek and dripped off of her chin onto her lap. “I-I saw, I felt... How could he-?” The boy heaved a shuddery breath out as his voice trailed off and his throat clenched shut, and he reached to cover his mouth as he closed his eyes in a long moment of revered silence. “I’m so sorry.”

His apology was the most human reaction he’d ever displayed. Connor’s led blinked an angry, unstable red, a pattern that told her if he didn’t calm down soon, he may deviate. But was that really a bad thing? Connor had confided in her about his fear of deactivation if he failed his mission or didn’t live up to Cyberlife’s expectations, but did they really have so much control over him that he wouldn’t be able to sever the connection even if he deviated? Every other deviant had been able to. Hell, even Marcus -another RK model- had shed his bonds like it was nothing. So what was so different about him? Why was he so terrified? “Hey, look at me,” she whispered as she moved closer, reached over to grasp the hand on his lap, placed the other on his shoulder, and pushed him upright until he lifted his head in obedience. Even if he could break free of them, it would have to be on his own terms. “Name five things you can see.” His glazed-over eyes gave a half-assed attempt to shift around the room, reflecting the heaviness of the emotional toll on his consciousness, but after a few seconds he mumbled out a reply. “Hank’s chair, Sumo, a glass of whiskey, the couch we’re sitting on, and you,” he finished as his eyes lifted and focused on her shape; the red ring stopped flashing a moment later. “Name four things you can feel.” His free hand reached for the tie around his neck and tugged it loose before slipping down the front of his shirt to the couch, and he brushed a light thumb over her fingers in his grasp. “My tie, my shirt, the polyurethane couch, and your hand,” he replied as his LED lightened from red to yellow, and blinked slowly as the room came into focus. “Name three things you can hear.” “The television, sumo breathing, and your voice,” he said in a surprised tone and blinked as the ring settled back into its solid blue state. The alerts vanished from his field of vision, and he could feel balance returning to his processes. “That worked surprisingly well,” he commented, pleasantly surprised at the results. “Our intelligence is designed to simulate the complexity of the human mind, so it would be illogical if their psychological coping methods didn’t also work for us.” “I suppose you’re right about that.” Kate smiled as she leaned back away from him and tucked her feet between the back of the couch and his knees. The faint contact was soothing but he found that difficult to express when she was always so ready to move on and deny herself a few moments of vulnerability, like she was now.

“So, now that you understand…” Kate’s voice trailed off with a quiet sigh as she averted his gaze and forced a grim smile. “Do you think any less of me for allowing myself to be influenced by him?” Connor’s eyes darted over as if he were insulted by the question. “Of course not,” he answered with a hollow chuckle. “You trusted him, how could you have known what he’d become?” “I didn’t.” And that was the truth- Kate looked up to meet his gaze, wanting to ask the question festering in the back of her mind like an infection that kept coming back, but knew until he either deviated or betrayed her, she wouldn’t know for sure. Every time she looked at Connor her heart wrenched between fear and wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, but there was no clear winner in that internal struggle. He had given her reasons to trust him, but also reasons to doubt him- he wanted to help but he was loyal to Cyberlife, he wanted to understand but couldn’t admit that deviants weren’t the problem. The quiver in her chin started small, but as her smile pulled into a grimace it spread to her lips and her cheeks as she closed her eyes and looked away from him. She didn’t have to say it but he could see traces of what she was feeling in the way her shoulders hunched and her head hung low. “I’m not-” Connor started but stopped due to his own self-consciousness. He had to say something, but was it the right something? Would she rather he hugged her instead or would she feel invaded? “I’m not like him,” he declared after a moment of silence, hoping to ease her worry. “I don’t have a concealed agenda, there’s no reason for me to lie to you, it doesn’t benefit me in any way.” Kate slowly lifted her head to look at him, her shoulders relaxing and her expression less despondent. He wasn’t wrong. Since they’d met he’d been more than forthcoming with her about his mission and what was expected of him, she had been the one holding back; but that didn’t mean he wasn’t speaking the truth while also concealing certain parts of it. “And I don’t resent you for our differences in opinion… if anything I’m grateful that you’re willing to share them with me. None of the other deviants I’ve come into contact with have had the perspective you’ve offered- or rather, they weren’t as garrulous,” he corrected, shook his head and finished the thought. “But my point is this- I’m not looking to change you, if anything you’ve changed me. And I’m not going to betray you.” “You can’t promise that,” she stated, more a plea than a fact. “Maybe not,” he lamented, producing a pained frown. “But I can try, can’t I?”

It was hard for her to say no when he begged at her with those puppy-dog eyes. He was trying so hard, and she was making him jump through so many hoops just to satisfy her own insecurities. It wouldn’t be fair to him if she didn’t also show him that she was willing to compromise, to step out of her comfort zone and meet him halfway. “Yeah… yeah, you can try.” Kate nodded quietly as she leaned across the space between them, wrapped her arms around his chest and squeezed him tight as she leaned her cheek against his shoulder. Connor’s arms lifted out of the way somewhere between surprise and uncertainty, but when it seemed she was waiting for him to reciprocate, he leaned over and laid them around her shoulders with a light touch. And it weighed and strengthened the longer he sat scowling across the room into the darkness committing Nicodemus’ face to memory, stewing on the bitter resentment he now harbored toward someone he’d never even seen- “Wait.“

The look on Kate’s face hardened as she sat back and watched him blink hard in recognition. “What is it?” “I saw him today when we raided the warehouse... he was with three other deviants. I shot him in the arm, but they all got away.” She didn’t know whether to cry or rage or both. The situation was maddening enough without the added stress of being right about his continued presence in Detroit. But what could he have possibly offered Damien -one of the meekest, most non-violent androids she’d ever met- to sway his trust? To forget everything he believed in? Then again, if Damien was running with Nicodemus, then it was likely Sarah was also involved, if not the emissary for this uncharacteristic personality shift. And if Sarah was involved, she was most certainly the one organizing the weapon heists with the help of her friends in the military. And if they were planning to fight back against the humans, then she’d have bet her life on North’s involvement too. “Can you describe them to me…?” she asked, dreading his answer. “Ahhh…” Connor grunted and pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes over the bridge of his nose as he replayed the memory from their chase earlier that day, this time paying closer attention to the other three. “Two females, and our suspect from the pawn shop, Damien,” he concluded, eyes opening in an alarming manner as it hit him. “One of the girls was there when I questioned him- she had long dark hair, green eyes, tan skin… the other was wearing a beanie and had long, light brown hair… possibly a WR400?”

She clenched her teeth and curled her lip in dismay when he finally said his name, then proceeded to describe Sarah and North to the letter. He had gotten to them. So where did that leave them with her? If they were siding with that psychopath, it meant they had accepted his violent soapbox speech. It meant they agreed that talk would get them nowhere, that the only way to get the humans to understand was to make them. Kate’s shoulders sank as a disappointed aura engulfed her, and she wallowed in defeat as she mulled over what she wanted to say. They weren’t bad people, in fact she really liked Sarah. Ever since she’d found her she had been Jericho’s fiercest protector and a determined provider. She’d been an asset to Illuminate, and a friend to Kate, which was why it stung so much that she’d throw in her lot with the one man she’d told her to stay away from; but she was belligerent, full of anger, and impulsive in spite of her wits, and that meant she was the perfect canvas on which to paint his vision of humanity subservient to androids. Nicodemus could tap into that primal anger and use it to warp everything she had come to believe, to undo all the progress Kate had made with quelling her rage. And North… well, North was just easy prey. It was clear to Kate that she had once been abused by the way she talked and the way she opposed the peaceful alternatives she proposed, but she’d never admit it to anyone. North wanted justice for the wrong that had been done to her and her android sisters, and Nicodemus could offer her revenge without having to manipulate- because North’s fury was a wildfire that only grew stronger the more you threw at it.

After several minutes of silence, she cleared her throat and looked back up at him with pleading eyes. “Listen to me, Connor... the people you’re after aren’t criminals,” she explained with all the conviction in her heart. “But Nicodemus will turn them given time. He’ll groom them to carry out his hate campaign against the humans, and if they follow through it would undoubtedly destroy all the progress I’ve made in the last year, and it would shatter any hope we have of the humans being receptive to my message. So please,” she begged as she reached across the couch and placed her hands over both of his. “You have to stop them, promise me.” Connor’s face lifted in surprise at the notion that she thought she even had to ask, he didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t like he had a choice, given the information he’d just been handed on a silver platter. His mission was to quell the deviant uprising before it began, and this was as close as he’d come yet to accomplishing that. “Without question,” he affirmed, “It’s my mission, and I won’t fail.”

And there it was again. For a moment she looked lost, then hurt, then distant as she withdrew from his personal space back inside of herself. A slight panic clenched his throat closed as he desperately tried to backpedal on whatever had upset her, but he couldn’t figure out what he’d done. “What’s wrong?” he asked reflexively, worry painting his face. “It’s… nothing,” she redirected as she shook her head, downplaying the pain behind her eyes. “You should get some rest, it’ll do you good.” “What about you?” he asked as she shifted her legs over the edge of the couch and pushed herself to the edge. “Are you leaving then?” Kate shook her head as she shifted her weight and turned to look over at him. “I’ll still be here tomorrow, I want to give things some time to settle down before I go home.” He nodded thoughtfully at her response as he leaned over his knees on his elbows, but stopped halfway through the movement and interrupted her as she moved to stand. “Can I ask you something?” he requested, curiosity in the question. Kate stopped and cast him a smile over her shoulder as she took a couple steps toward the kitchen, crossed her arms, and leaned against the lattice above the pony wall. “Connor, you can ask me anything, but the verdict’s still out on whether or not I’ll give you an answer,” she replied with a quiet laugh that would have lightened the mood, had his question not been so morose. Something had occurred to him when she suggested he rest, and it was nagging at him in a way that wouldn’t let him sleep. “Your model was designed to never go into standby… so that’s why you’re always awake, isn’t it?” “That’s correct,” she nodded, not really understanding where he was going with this. His stomach knotted and he gave her a distressed look as he lowered his eyes and cast his gaze to the floor beside him. “But doesn’t that also mean-“ “Yes, I know what it means,” she replied in detached tenor that made him hesitate to say what was on his mind. It was like she didn’t want to think about it. “Then you should try resting from time to time,” he suggested. Kate’s smile shone a little bit brighter as it reached the apples of her cheeks and the corners of her eyes. “RK, are you worried about me?” He hesitated as the embarrassment caught him off guard and he replied in a choppy but matter-of-fact tone, “Well, yes, I am. If you keep running your processors the way you have been…” The woman approached him as he searched her eyes, placed a hand on his shoulder, and gave it a soft squeeze as she gazed down at him with a fondness not yet expressed. “I have at least another eight years left in me,” came the admission that left him cringing. “I’ll be alright.” “For an Android, 8 years is no time at all,” he insisted, a heavy look in his eyes. “You don’t need to be constantly pushing yourself to your limits.” “I think we both know I do in order to achieve my goal,” she ventured in a gloomy tone. “But it’s all the time I’ll need to change things.”

Connor’s heart broke in a way he couldn’t fully understand. To dedicate herself to a cause so completely that she would drive herself to her demise was admirable, but to work so hard to develop individuality then so easily throw it away? He couldn’t understand why anyone would do it. “You’d spend what little time you had left, fighting for the freedom of those you don’t even know…?” he asked, incredulous and grievous. “Yes,” she replied firmly, unwavering in her conviction. “I’d rather die knowing the future of our people had been secured, than live a lifetime having to watch them suffer every damned day, knowing I could have done something to prevent it.” “But… why?” Distraught brown eyes drifted away from her as he tried to understand, but he couldn’t find a rational explanation. Was she actually anticipating that she wouldn’t make it out of this? That she would ultimately be destroyed in pursuit of a better world? The question echoed endlessly as he looked back at her for the answer. “No one asked you to do this.” Kate paced around him and came to a stop behind the couch, rested her hand on the frame and shook her head with a weary smile. “No, they didn’t,” she repeated as she leveled a serious gaze to him. “But it’s the right thing to do, and someone has to do it. If everyone shied away from hardship, nothing would ever change. There would be no progress in the world. And because I have the ability to do something about it, the responsibility falls to me.” “Aren’t you scared?” The light in her eyes dimmed until the darkness in the room became a part of her, and she nodded her head in quiet reply. “Every day.”

Connor sat back and let her words sink in, eyes transfixed on the rug under the coffee table as if it held some cosmic answer to their problem. He couldn’t dispute her logic, but that didn’t make him feel better. In fact, he felt worse knowing they hadn’t found any other conceivable outcome. The silence between them felt like it would last a lifetime. Car lights flashed in through the blinds of the front window as the neighbors pulled into their driveway, and in the background the hockey game had gone to the half, replaced with a developing story on their case of the stolen weapons. Sumo had lulled himself into a sleep so deep he may as well have been hibernating. But above all that was the sound of the rain slapping against the house in thick, heavy drops that were both soothing and dysphoric.

“You should really get some rest, alright?” she reiterated as she stuffed a pillow behind his shoulders and motioned for him to lie down. “Just give it time, you’re not going to understand right away.” “But I don’t…-“ “Need to sleep…?” She rolled her eyes and gave him an exasperated smile as he settled into the couch. “Yes, I know. But you could use a break.” A message popped up in the corner of his field of view asking him to set a wake time for the morning. It was nearly nine by now, and knowing Hank, he was going to sleep as long as he could get away with, so he set the alarm for 9AM. Twelve hours rest should be plenty of time to recalibrate and recover before they continued their case. “Hey… Connor?” He hadn’t noticed until she said his name, but she hadn’t yet moved. The boy perked up and looked up and over at her as she stood there kneading subconsciously at the couch cushion with one hand. “Yes? What is it?” “I just wanted to thank you,” she started with an uncertain warble in her voice. “For what?” “For hearing me out before you made up your mind about me- for keeping my secret, for protecting me… I know it’s not easy to go against your programming, but I just-“ Her throat quivered as she paused, tears welling up in her eyes, and he reached out a hand and placed it over hers with a reassuring squeeze to let her know it was alright. Her thumb caught the webbing of his palm and squeezed back as she regained her composure and finished her thought. “I really appreciate what you’ve done for me.” Connor beamed with pride, pleasantly surprised by her gratitude toward him. And although he still worried for her, he sure felt a lot better knowing he’d helped more than he’d hurt today. “You’re welcome,” he responded in simple reply. “Anything for a friend.” “Yeah- about that,” she started as she tilted her head from one side to the other and pursed a tight-lipped grin. “You know you’re allowed to call, even if you just need to talk?” Kate rolled her hand over and cupped her palm against his and gave it a firm squeeze. “If you’re feeling troubled, I’d rather help you work through what’s bothering you than let you suffer alone.” “Two heads are better than one,” he commented airily, “And a difference in perspective can speed up the process of resolution.” “Indeed,” she exhaled a quiet sigh through her nose as she softened her smile and slipped her hand out of his grasp. “Just know that I’m here for you.” “I’ll keep that in mind,” he replied, his hand dropping over the arm of the couch behind his head as she moved into the kitchen. Though the conversation had really ended this time, he still waited half a minute before he closed his eyes, anxious to find out if he would really rest or wake up again in the garden to Amanda’s exuberant praise. He couldn’t help but feel as though she had been watching in approval all night.