#saying as someone whos dad is kind of a glenn close

[methcheese]

rip to lark and sparrow but if henry oak was my dad i would simply be well adjusted

[nikiko-venu]

Spoilers for s1 episode 47-rest of the podcast

I headcannon that after the trial when the timeline swapped Nicholas had the worst fucking headaches, like it was someone trying to break out of a glass box but they couldn't because it was like 50 layers of bullet proof glass and it would not go away. Him being knocked out from the Guards at the prison didn't help either I only made it worse. When his dad and the rest of the group went to talk to the warden, it died down, but when that weed smoking, no good, law breaking, dangerous son of bill close of a man, Glenn showed back up it started hurt even more than last time. Then when they escaped it hurt worse. When he wasn't around Glenn it didn't hurt as bad. But he comes after him with the rest of the dads behind him and it starts back up again, then when we swapped bodies, that was weird. The entire time Glenn was in his dads body and his dad was in Glenn's his brain didn't know who it really was, my headache lessened during that. He won't know why but seeing his dad is Glenn's body felt the wrong kind of right. Something he was sure was false but deep down somewhere behind 50 layers of bullet proof glass it felt true. But then everyone switched back and it started up again, when he got swallowed by the aboleth he was knocked unconscious, he could hardly see it but there was a crack, he could hardly see it but there was a face just like his on the other side, it looked so vastly different, yet the same. He watched as the crack grew larger, and larger, his reflection watched with an excitement, one he didn't know, he was scared, confused, how long had he been there, had there been headache earlier in the adventure, had his mirror always been there, then the glass shattered, he remembers the comforting sound of Glenn voice when he had a rough day, he remembers sitting there with him watching face/off after school. He remembers playing Call Of Duty and prestigeing twice. He remembers he wanted to go into the bull-e-wugs fighting ring not because Glenn said his dad- Jodie wanted him to but that he wanted to impress Glenn. He remembers not remembering the highs he and Glenn have had together. And he remembers being trapped in his own skull wanting to break free and tell his dad that he's not alone. For 18 years glenn was locked away. Alone except for the rat he weirdly named after Nick. He remembered feeling hopelessness when they were locked away by mark. And he remembers the absolute confusion they shared together when they swapped.

And when nick opens his eyes he sees a SHIT TON OF LIGHT and the silhouette of what he knows true to be Glenn, the smell of weed very barely making it past the smell of aboleth stomach acid. The strong burly left arm, the stench of being locked up for 18 years with no shower.

Almost like it is natural instinct nick says

"I'm ready..."

"READY FOR THE BIG RIDE BABY!"

[harveylikestoart]

This was supposed to be a comic but I wrote way too much dialogue and decided to just draw a scene then post what I had planned or something. The thing has a lot of. Well. Dialogue. Anyways it’s under the read more thing don’t look at me it’s not the BEST. I’m a lil rusty and keep in mind it was for my brain.

DONT LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEE

The second the dads had walked past the tree line with Walter, Nicholas had only spared a single nod at Nick’s spectral form before looking towards the other kids around the fire. It’s now or never.

He takes a deep breath.

“I have something to talk to you all about.”

The kids eye him with different expressions, Lark’s being that of annoyance, “are you supposing to lecture us about ANOTHER mundane thing we have done to, undoubtedly, give you ire?”

A sharp snort sounds from Nick floating behind the Oak twin. Nicholas rolls his eyes.

“No. Just, give me a second Lark.”

Terry Jr puts a hand on his shoulder, “it’s cool just take your time dude.”

“Thanks. So. I know I’m not the most well liked in the group-“

“a bit of a stretch there-”

Sparrow cuts him off REAL fast with a, “No no Terrance! He is correct for once, go on NARCOLAS.”

“ANYWAYS, you might have noticed me acting a little bit weird AND I HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD EXPLANATION. It may seem odd but please keep an open mind, lord knows I have.”

Terry Jr rolls his eyes, “I think that part will be pretty easy with all that’s happened Nicholas. If it’s something that beats three previously dead grandparents who have arisen with super powers, I’ll bite.”

Nicholas temples his hands downwards and sweat builds up on his neck. Despite having travelled with the others for a while and even sleeping in tents with them, in this fucked up version of a camping trip, he had never been that close with any of them, least of all the Oak-Garcia boys. If he would call anyone his friend it would probably be Terry Jr, being more level headed, even more so since he and Ron had actually started talking to each other.

He liked hanging with him, intelligent conversation was investing to him if he were to be honest and Terry was super cool! Nicholas did not want to seem even more outcasted from this group. He didn’t want to be alone, even if he did have a ghost clone by his side, although it makes him look like a lunatic if he were to only talk to someone no one else could see.

And having his dad by his side is obviously nice, he’s a great guy! Just having him be his only friend seemed a bit. Well, sad.

“Right, okay, so. Ever since the end of Glenn’s trial there has been a new member of the group who no one but I can see. He kind of looks like me and his name is Nick, Nick Close.”

Grant’s eyes grow wider, thinking back to what Darryl had said to him as the group narc continues to speak.

“He says that he’s Glenn’s son and that he was with you all the entire time before the trial and that MY dad and I were never here!”

Grant tries to interrupt but Nicholas continues, “which is CRAZY because everyone knows we were here right? We all got transported here at the same time! I just thought he was some weird hallucination manifested from the stress because, like I said, no one else can see him!”

The other boys stare at him. There is a brief moment of silence before Terry Jr speaks, “uhhhhhhh. Okay. What does-“

Sparrow cuts him off once again, “Did the trial teleportation perchance mess with your head? Split your mind in twaine? Like some weird jekyll and hyde situation? Tell me Narcolas, do you feel the urge to commit atrocities now?”

Nick floats by groaning in frustration. He had hoped this explanation would be fast and easy but that seems to have been the wrong assumption. Now he’s been demoted to Nicholas’ evil twin. Well jokes on him. He happily accepts this new role.

“Wait, you said Glenn’s SON right?” The group finally turns to Grant who is staring intensely at Nicholas.

“Because my dad was talking about that to me yesterday. That YOU were Glenn’s son and not, well, your dad’s. It had like, something to do with that trial thing too.”

Nicholas blinks real hard at the reveal as Nick zooms into the middle of the group staring at Grant and yelling in excitement.

“I KNEW IT! THEY KNOW! FUCK YEAH!! DUDE WE GOTTA GO TALK THEM SO THEY CAN HELP GET ME BACK OR SOMETHING!!!”

He floats around feeling triumphant in his theory being confirmed but Terry Jr then asks, “is uh, is the ghost kid here? Ghost clone, you know, uh, Nick?”

Said “ghost clone” freezes in the air and looks towards his counterpart who raises a brow to confirm whether or not he should say yes. He nods and Nicholas looks back at everyone, “yeah. He’s been floating around you all for a while, he got REALLY excited at what Grant said.”

“So this ghostly clone is just another narc who can report back to you? This is MOST disappointing AND boring!” Lark leans an arm onto Sparrow who nods with fever as Nick snaps out a “HEY.”

“Well, he’s actually more like Glenn, you know, punk rock I guess, unruly, annoying, loud-“

“HEY?!”

Nick shoves his hand through Nicholas’ head, making him cartwheel his arms as he almost tips over backwards from the jumpscare, “STOP DOING THAT!”

The group jumps at the sudden outburst, Grant hovering closer to Nicholas in worry, “what’d he do?”

“He’s being QUITE ANNOYING as I said.”

The floating boy blows a raspberry in response. Nicholas squints his eyes, not willing to be looked down upon.

The twins immediately perk up, “so you’re saying, he is a cooler and more RAMBUNCTIOUS version of you? A RULE breaker? Your opposite? Interesting, interesting indeed…”

Nick smiles, “hell yeah I’m interesting!”

He goes to fist bump Lark, stopping short when he remembers his predicament. His hand stills before he crosses his arms and leans back in the air. A soft “fucking damn it” slipping past his lips.

Terry turns back to Grant, intrigue evident on his face, “what else did Mr Wilson say about this whole, swapping thing?”

The group’s attention falls onto the Wilson kid as he begins to get a little nervous from the multiple pairs of eyes, “well, uh, he said like uh, that when Glenn lost the trial Nicholas basically got a new dad? Something about timelines? The Law? Guys I dee kay I had a panic attack trying to put it all together in my head honestly. I just don’t think he or the other dads know about ghost Nick.”

“They don’t?”

“I mean! He didn’t say anything about there being ANOTHER kid! He just said Nicholas was Nick Close.”

Sparrow leans over, head in his hands, “Grant I can feel my OWN panic attack coming on, how, pray tell, would Narcolas be this Nick if there is already a Nick that he’s seeing! My brain is about to COMBUST!! It is also very annoying that you both have some form of Nick in your name you are OH SO confusing!”

Lark softly noogies his twin’s head, concern in his gaze before turning to the rest of the group, “well, we already call him Narcolas so it only appropriate to refer to the duo as Nick and Narc!”

“HA! Sweet.”

“Well, this is just a theory,” Terry starts, gaining the attention of the group, “but maybe he’s like a projection of the life you could have had? If the dads are correct AND this isn’t another Dennis thing, then this Nick could be like. Ugh. Fuck, some kind of like remnant of this changed timeline that can’t go anywhere because you are already in the body he would have?

In philosophy club they talked about what makes a person a person and that if you were to put a deceased person’s working brain into the body of someone with a damaged brain it isn’t the same person? But also it’s technically the same person? Even though it’s now this weird abomination to na-”

“TERRANCE I AM GOING TO VOMIT.”

Sparrow shoves his head into Terry’s torso in an attempt to make him stop talking. Terry Jr immediately apologises and grabs the weird leather water bottles Walter had provided them, making sure the now pale faced boy isn’t actually going to puke. Lark has a hand on his brother’s shoulder and has started chewing his cheek, Grant is on the ground smushing his face into the dirt and letting out a loud groaning noise in distress. Nick grimaces at the display.

“This is…. weird. And also batshit. Maybe we should stop tryna figure out WHY I’m here and more about HOW to get me to be like, not a ghost you know?”

“Yeah, yeah I agree.”

Nicholas turns from Nick and sighs heavily, dragging a hand down his face, “guys if we try to figure this out we’ll explode, let’s leave it to the dads they’ll probably understand it, even though it is the most confusing thing ever.”

“I agree with Narc for once! Quick question, what is a philosophy club and how does it help Nicky-boy?”

Everyone jumps at the now noticeable presence of Paeden.

Shit they forgot he was there.

The little fighter stares up at Nicholas, a mischievous glint in his fiery eyes as he grins and bounces in place, excited energy radiating from him.

“Is he here? Can he see me? Tell him I say hi! NICK IF YOU CAN HEAR ME I’M GONNA RIP YOU INTO THE MATERIAL PLANE WITH MY GRUBBY LIL TIGER HANDS MY GUYYYY!”

He starts howling into the night air and tugging on Nicholas’ arm as if it would connect him to the ghostly boy. Nick snorts at this, a fond smile tearing its way across his face. Leave it to Paeden to lift the mood, “hey shortstack.”

“Uh, he said “hey shortstack.” Nick, I mean.”

“OhOHOHO THAT’S DEFINITELY HIM! FUCK YEAHHHH! NICK BABYBOY WE’RE GONNA GO BUST YOUR DAD OUT OF JAIL AND ALL WILL BE RIGHT AGAIN! I was working on a pair of brass knuckles for you but I guess in this reality Walter says I was making them for Glenn? Which is stupid because they’re for YOUR little baby hands!”

“AW SICKKK! The second I can hold things I’m gonna totally punch the shit out of someone with them!”

“Wh- don’t do that!”

“What’d he say what’d he say?? Whatever it was I agree with it FULL-HEARTEDLY!!”

The rest of the boys watch as Nicholas tries to relay messages to Paeden, who grows more and more lively as they talk about whatever violent acts he will commit with Nick once they are fully reunited. Sparrow slowly uncurls and leans onto Lark, a smile shakily forming, his brother reflecting his expression. Terry Jr sighs and leans back relieved that the atmosphere has been infected by Paeden’s excitement and Grant who has now lifted his head, dirt sticking to his cheek, is chuckling at the scene.

Nick feels something for the first time that day that wasn’t just the small joy of a successful prank or the annoyance of a busted lighter. It’s warm. The kind of warm you get from drinking hot chocolate in winter, the kind from putting your hand in someone’s bigger hand, the kind of warm you feel when you’re in bed being read biopics until you fall asleep.

The warmth of someone you love just being there with you for once.

.

.

The night air felt a little bit colder.

[isadora-greenhall]

Hii! 😺🍫 for Glenn or Henry :D hope you have a nice rest, Isadora

hello countless! thanks for the ask 🥰

headcanon asks

Glenn

😺 An animal related headcanon

Nick Jr is not the first rat in Glenn Close's life! When he was a teenager, and spending months on end without seeing his dad, he found a small next of rats in the back of his closet and decided to look after them until the babies were grown. He emptied an old shoebox and put some warm winter scarfs in it to keep them cozy, came up with names for them all, and imagined them as a family on the run from the government who was trying to persecute them and he was the kind soul who sheltered them on their journey. He had a whole elaborate backstory for them. He'd strum his guitar for them when they were sleepy and accidentally conditioned them to fall asleep on him when he starts playing 😭❤️ when they got too big (and when he found out bill was on his way home) he took them to the local golf course to release them on the next leg of their journey. He saluted them as they left. He cried. A lot.

🍫 A headcanon about food

99% of meals glenn has ever eaten have been fast food. He's an horrendous cook. However, the one thing he can cook at home is rice, in the ancient rice cooker he inherited from Christine. She always told him to have rice in the house, and it's the one lesson of hers he actually internalised. When days when he can't be arsed reaching for his phone to order uber eats he'll just eat a plain bowl of rice and think of his mum ❤️😌

Henry

😺 An animal related headcanon

i can't get over the moment after the for knights tournament when the prize giving dog refuses to get pats and henry scoffs and says "that's dogs for ya" with sooo much disdain ahaha. so! i think henry isn't really a dog person (he's a WOLF person ;P). they only got laserwolf fartblaster because the boys wanted a dog, so he had to put up with it. i think that this stems from his youth in the forgotten realms, as all things do for henry. Horsy Sy'Oak had a minion called Pup Py'Oak who was one of those yes men kinda people; they were too chicken to pick on beay ry'oak's kid on their own, but they were more than happy to stand behind horse sy' and go "yeeeaaahhh" and "ooooohhh" every time horse sy' insulted henry.

🍫 A headcanon about food

i have a couple, but i'm gonna put the second under a readmore because it involves eating disorders; i won't go into detail but i know that can be triggering for some people so heads up ❤️

first, i did research a couple of months ago about ecuadorian vegan food and apparently there's not a whole lot. so when the oak-garcias visit their family in ecuador they rarely go out to eat, they make a lot of homecooked food so they know what's in it. mercedes brings a new vegan recipe to ecuador every time she visits, and her favourite cousin has a cookbook full of them so she can practice them between visits to feed mercedes and her family 🥰❤️

henry often had food restricted for him in oakvale as a punishment from barry, so he has a pretty unhealthy relationship with food that he has worked extremely hard on with love and support from mercedes ❤️ his beautiful boys have full access to food 24/7, and once at a party someone made a comment to lark when he reached for another cookie about how many he's already had and henry went absolutely apeshit on them.

[rockstar-pornograffitti]

Blackrose’s and Rockstars

Part:I

Glenn Tipton X OC {Isabella Blackrose}

Warning(s): None.

Plot: Isabella “Izzy” Blackrose is the co owner of a pub in a small town in the worcestershire country side. One day a rockstar walks in and her whole life changes.

Please feel free to like, reblog and comment on it, it’s much appreciated, enjoy! <3

Isabella’s POV

Today sucked, yesterday sucked, this whole week sucked, hell this whole month and year sucked. Yet I power on. I power on for my mum and my family legacy if not for that I would have given up a long time ago.

Two years ago, my dad passed away and when he did I abandoned school in Birmingham to come home. I knew I needed to be here for my mum, to help her run the pub in his absence. I don’t regret my choice, because I know it’s the right one, still doesn’t mean I don’t wish I didn’t some days and today is one of them.

Nothing went right for me today. I slept through my alarm and I had to rush off to get here in time, in the process I managed to spill my tea all over myself, staining my shirt.

Then once I got here one of my bartenders was fighting with another over some bloke,and I had to break it up. Then my third bartender, the one who also runs food and drinks to the tables, called in sick and I had to fill in for her. Not to mention the order I got delivered was all wrong.

I haven’t had a second today to catch my breath, and the day is far from over for me. After all, in about two hours the after work and supper rush will come through. It’s a weeknight so the evening and night should be all to bad, since it’s a small down and everyone here is pretty working class meaning they can’t afford to fuck around on a week night. It will get dead at about eight o’clock and that’s why during the week we close my eleven.

I tuck that one annoying strand of my ginger hair behind my ear. It fell out of my messy bun ages ago. I just haven’t had the time or bothered to fix it. Just then I hear the bell on the door ring, signifying someone has entered the pub. I look up, with a smile on my face expecting to see someone I know or recognize. After all, this is a small village and I grew up here my whole life. I’ve seen every person who lives here at least once, especially considering this is the only decent place to eat or get a drink in the whole village.

Yet I don’t know this man. He’s got long hair that is heavily highlighted with blond, so much so you can barely see the darker colour underneath. He definitely stands out. You never see a bloke with long hair around here, and definitely not one of his age. He’s not young, he’s Middle aged I’d guess. Though time has definitely been kind to him.

He’s wearing a simple outfit though, not something you’d expect from someone with hair like that. He’s wearing an oversized plain black t-shirt, some jeans and a pair of trainers. He’s not wearing much accessory wise, except a sliver watch, a silver pinky ring and a pair of round sunglasses.

Despite not being able to see his eyes, he’s very handsome and intriguing. I wonder what his story is, did he just move here or is he just a passer through?

He takes a seat at the bar and I take my opportunity to see if I can solve any of this mystery as I serve him.

“Hello, welcome. What can I get you?” I greet him with my usual smile.

“Hello. Just a pint of whatever’s popular.” He replies, returning my smile and man does he have a beautiful smile.

“It’s a lovely place here.” He comments as I begin filling up a pint glass with our best seller.

“Thank you, I own the place. Well, I co-own it.” I tell him as I set the pint in front of him. “That will be £3.”

“Oh really? Well you’ve done a great job.” He says, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet, before pulling out a £5 pound note and handing it to me.

“It was all my dad really.” I admit as I ring him up and pull out two one pound coins to give him as change.

“Keep the change, love.” He says waving me off, “In that case you’ve done a great job preserving it.”

“Oh- Okay, thank you.” I say taken slightly aback, no one in this town has exposable income, so that never happens here. I mean yes it’s only two pounds but still.

“Are you new in town?”

“Yes actually. I moved into the big Georgian estate house nearby.” He tells me and I must admit I wasn’t expecting that from him. He doesn’t strike me as someone with a lot of money. He certainly doesn’t look the part with the long hair and rather plain clothes. Then it hits me. The long hair.

He’s most likely a rockstar. It would explain how he can afford to live in such a big house, you can make a lot of money doing that if you’re in one of the bigger bands. I'm trying to rack my brain. Is he familiar to me?

I happen to be a fan of rock, but I'm mostly a fan of the 70’s stuff like, Deep Purple, Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. In fact those are my three favourite bands. I do enjoy a bit of 80s metal as well but more like the glam metal stuff then the true metal. So it’s possible he’s in a band I’m not a big fan of there for I didn’t recognize him.

“Oh, well I guess I’ll be seeing more of you then. I’m Isabella, or Izzy Blackrose by the way.” I say introducing myself to him hoping he does the same and his name seems familiar to me.

“It’s nice meeting you, I’m Glenn Tipton.” He says back.

Glenn Tipton. I sit and ponder that name for a second in my mind to see if I recognize it, then it hits me. He’s the guitarist of Judas Priest.

“You’re the guitarist of Judas Priest then?” I ask just to confirm though im sure it comes off like me being a fangirl or something similar.

“Well I was, I'm not sure there really is a Judas Priest anymore though.” Glenn tells me sounding rather not happy about the last bit, and in a way I feel for him. I’m sure the band was his life, and must be an adjustment for it to be over.

“Are you a fan?” He asks, looking at me curiously.

“Honestly? Not really. I like rock and metal, that's how I know. I'm more of a 70’s gal then an 80’s gal though, unless it's glam.” i tell him, feeling a bit bad about that he seems like a nice bloke. “I'm sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, love.” He laughs, “I was just going to offer an autograph, is all.”

“Oh, well thank you.” I say, feeling relieved he's okay with that, not that he'd really necessarily care as i said before he seems really nice and chill. He didn't walk in here with some rockstar attitude or saying im so and so, and he has my respect for it.

Then an idea hits me. Since he's offering anyway, why don't I take him up on it for the bar? I mean I could always use some new decor and would it be cooler than a signed photo of a famous customer?

“Actually if you wouldn’t mind I'd like a signed photo, for the pub. The decor is lacking a bit.”

“I'd be happy to love.” He smiles at me, “we can do it now if you have a camera, and I can come by and sign it whenever it’s developed.”

“I’ll just go get my camera real quick, it’s in the back.” I tell him to disappear into the back room where the office is and nicking my camera making sure it has film, which it does.

“Smile.” I tell him as I aim the camera, giving him a second to compose himself which he does rather fast. Something I’m sure he’s learned from years of having his photo taken as a rockstar.

He smiles at me and lifts his half gone pint in one hand, and I think that’s a pretty fitting pose for the wall of the pub. I snap a couple for good measure then lower the camera.

“I’ll give you a ring when they are developed?” I ask, I’m sure he’ll come back. This is the only restaurant or pub for miles, but I just want to make sure I don’t forget the photos or something when he does come around again. Also he’s cute, I’m not saying I’d go after him because why would someone like him want me when he could get a model or something, but it’s still nice to have a cute blokes number.

“I’ll give you my number.” He tells me, as I reach text to the till where I Keep a couple extra pens in case my waitresses lose one and grab a napkin handing it to him.

I watch as his long fingers grip the pen and he gracefully writes his number on the napkin. His handwriting is oddly neat for a man.

“Here you are love.” He says, handing me back the pen and napkin containing his number.

“Thank you.” I say taking it and gently folding the napkin pocketing it.

“Well I best be going.” He says looking down at his watch, then downing what’s left of his pint. “My ex should be dropping off my son soon.”

Oh so he’s single, is the first thing that comes to my mind as he says that statement. It’s only natural, he is very cute and nice. Not that he’d ever be interested in me, but a girl can dream.

“It was nice to meet you.” He smiles as he gets up, “I’ll be looking forward to your call.”

“It was nice meeting you too, please feel free to come by whenever.” I say with a smile, as he turns to leave. I must admit, I’m rather looking forward to seeing him again soon.

[eddiemunsonssoulmate]

I shipped Beth and Daryl too. It would have been beautiful if it had happened! I think she would have brought some peace and calm thing so good to him and God, he would have been absolutely EVERYTHING to her. Oh, now I'm angry. I NEVER take it well when I see great opportunities in writing and in shows and they just THROW AWAY, WHO DOES IT.

Daryl was always my favorite, I think? But Glenn had that whole good boy thing that sometimes wins me over. And what hurt me the most was that he died as a result of something I don't think he wanted to do, you know? And I'm kind of completely silly for people being happy, having their families, having their kids and THAT'S BEEN TAKEN AWAY. But... nowadays when I think of Negan, I remember him with Judith and well, I see that I didn't get to meet him. I always say that whoever arrives and tells the story first, has the advantage. If we met Negan first, who would the villains be? So I break down, with my own argument when I want to get pissed off at someone doing something. Of course, I don't always think that, in some cases I'm like: You suffered less than you should. But I know that wasn't the case with Negan, so I want to go back and see everything, to reconnect with the things I liked, but it's going to end up pissing me off more than it should because I got pissed off remembering Beth and the wasted potential.

Did you read the comics? Because I haven't read it, but I know a lot about it and sometimes I just get a little annoyed that they haven't followed through more closely, you know? Speaking of whether I liked Negan or not I remembered Shane and how sad I was because I liked him and God, imagine him and Negan? It would have been the hellishly wonderful.

The sibling duo would have been amazing. I know that if they were 100% for the comics, Daryl wouldn't even exist, but... I don't know, maybe it's easy to say that looking at the work from the outside, but there were better changes to be made. I just started to get more and more disappointed with the choices they made and before that I only trusted what the show was going to bring me. Even though Shane's death was something that happened super early in relation to everything we're talking about here, I was still confident. BUT look at what you got to trust. hahahaha

"and end it on a good note (unlike some other shows.)" (looking at you, The Walking Dead) Sorry but I had to do this hahahaha

And yes, Snowpiecer is a screamworthy show. I just want to know what my dad is going to get invested in now and if I'm going to dive into it with him. Wilford gave me a really bad feeling, his whole relationship with those traumatized people, I just felt sick.

Because it's clearly something that I don't want and that I genuinely avoid, any approach to someone who has traumatized me. So every time I saw him interacting with people I was just like: Oh my god, no, here we go with this shit going on.

I'll die on my Beth and Daryl hill no matter what.

Daryl has always been my #1 too. And sure, the villain is always the hero of their own story, that's why it's so interesting to see :D

I did read the comics yes, that's why I'm especially annoyed at some changes they made like with Carl. I never liked Shane tho so I'm good with that hahaha.

Wilford is a fucking psychopath but that makes him such a great villain. I hate him with every fiber in my body lmao.

[rrickgrrimes8]

hi! i was thinking if you could write an imagine of reader being rick and lori's daughter and sister to carl, rj and judith. i don't have a specific idea in mind, but just her before and after the time jump, struggling with being there when lori and carl died, and looking for rick with daryl, her relationship with her siblings and michonne, maybe maggie and hershel too (i was thinking since carl was 10 when it all started, she was 7 so now she's 17) thank you so much, and btw i loved your imagines i've read so far 💞

Being a Grimes ~ Rick Grimes x Grimes!reader

thank you so much for requesting i really enjoyed making this one. i also have a series kinda like this about Jacey Grimes which i’m currently making a book two for.

warnings: alluding to sexual assault or rape, suicide, death, gore (lemme know if i’ve missed anything off here)

sorry if there is any mistakes please tell if there is and give me feedback i’d love to here back from yall

masterlist

request guidelines

request are open

It was strange for y/n. This world would be strange for anyone really. But she was different. At only a mere 7 years old when the world went to shit she struggled as did many others. With the recent loss of her father - one she didn't entirely understand - still protruding through her heart, it was hard - so hard. 

When it happened she was at daycare. The teaching assistant tried and successfully ate the teacher in front of her. She was next and was so close to being eaten until Shane rushed in. He kicked Ms Twune and grabbed y/n. Her mom sobbed at the sight of her, covered in blood and the tears smothering her daughters face. Carl was shocked too. He wanted nothing more than to protect his little sister. His dad always used to tell him that that was his duty - his job. And he hated how he had failed in this moment. 

They made it to the quarry soon after. Y/n thought the group was nice - well mostly. The Dixon brothers scared her was what she told her brother or any of the children she had befriended. But she was lying. Yes, she was scared but only of Merle. He was creepy and mean to anyone he saw. Daryl was somewhat the same but he always found himself being nicer to the young child. And often kept her company when Lori and Shane went for a ‘walk’ in the woods. Glenn was another she found herself drawn to. He unlike Daryl happily invited her company. Glenn was sweet and funny. He never failed at making her laugh till she felt like she was going to pee. They were good friends which came to a fault when he had to go on runs. She’d scream and cry and refuse to let go of him because she was afraid that what happened to her father would happen to him. 

That’s what happened earlier that morning. Glenn and a few others were going into Atlanta, despite her dismay. Glenn assured her he’d be fine, which she didn't believe and continued her tantrum. 

“Can yer’ shut that damn baby up?” Merle spat covering his ears. 

Shane shot him a threatening glare while Glenn stayed preoccupied with the distraught girl. “Hey, it's okay. I’m coming back,” He insisted holding her tightly at his hip, “I promise you, sweet girl.” 

“No, b-b-but dada promise too a-a-and h-he,” She stopped herself, sobs erupting from her small body. 

“I know sweet girl, I know. But I’ll be back I know I will.” Glenn placed her on the back of the RV, “I tell you what I’ll bring you back some of your favourite sweeties, huh? Would you like that?” 

Giddily she nodded at his proposition, “Yes! Yes!” 

“Alright, then I’ll bring back some for you, okay?” She nodded smiling cheerfully, “I love you, kid.” 

“I luv you too, dumbass,” y/n giggled. 

Glenn looked around cautiously hoping no one heard that “Hey sweet girl you can't say that.” 

“W-what? Why?” the child began to cry again, “Y-y-you say it.” 

“I know b-but its adult words okay? Not y/n words. When you're older, alright?” She nodded her head again kissing his cheeks softly and hugging him. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’ll see you soon,” He kissed the top of her head and started towards the car smiling as she shouted, “With sweeties!”

The group returned hours later bearing a new man instead of Merle. Y/n waited patiently for Glenn and the aforementioned sweets. "Gen!" She screamed happily still unable to say his name fully. The man sprinted over to her, pulling her into a much-needed cuddle after the day he had. 

"It's Glenn, sweetheart," He chuckled while correcting. 

"Oh sorry Gen," She wrapped her dainty arms around his neck. 

"That's okay, sweet girl. I missed you." 

"I missed you too," She whispered before letting out a longwinded 'ew', "You stinky, Gen." 

The man smelt his shirt and nodded as the potent smell of walkers reached his nose. "I know yucky right?" 

"Yucky!" Y/n buried her face in Glenn's shirt ignoring the stench and just enjoying his company. She always became clingy like this after coming home from a run. He loved it. On runs, if he ever encountered a life-threatening situation - like the one today - he always finds himself realising how much she means to him. Glenn saw her as a little sister - one almost replacing the ones that were cruely ripped from him when this began. 

"How was it?" She inquired. 

"Not fun, sweet girl. But I got your sweeties and a nice man helped us out. Saved us," She beamed. 

"I like the good man. I'll give him two kisses when I see him. Maybe even one of my sweeties," Glenn chuckled. 

"Why two kisses, y/n?" 

"One for saving you. Two for bringing you hom," Glenn grinned contently and kissed her forehead. 

"Its home bubs with an e on the end." 

"Oh," She mumbled burying herself again. 

"Oh my God," Someone muttered as they exited the van. 

"Dad! Dad!" Carl screamed causing Glenn to snap his head in their direction. Carl came running towards the man, Rick, who had saved them in Atlanta. Y/n hadn't moved yet as she feared it was only a dream. That her dada wasn't really here. 

"Sweet girl," He pulled her out of his neck, "Look it's your dad." The child gazed over to where her brother had run to. Sure enough, it was her dad. He held Carl as he cried, looking to Y/n wanting to hold her too. 

"Dada!" She screamed jumping out of Glenn's arms dangerously. The girl scraped her knee on the way down but continued throwing herself into the hug. 

"Oh, Carl! Y/n!" She kissed all over his face childishly, "I luv you, dada." 

"I love you too, baby girl."

~

The years hadn't been kind to Y/n. She lost so much. Too much in fact that it had driven her to the depts of insanity and made her do things to herself, to others that she more than resented. The first loss was her mothers. She wasn't there like Carl was but the grief burned through her still. Y/n was too young to understand it really. Just how she was when Rick supposedly died. Y/n couldn't understand where her mom had gone she just knew she had a little sister now. One she swore to protect. 

She thought she had failed that when the prison fell. The young child was on her own. Injured and lost. She wandered through the woods for days until she stumbled across a group. The group were mean and despite her resistance wouldn't let her go. They hurt her in ways she didn't and wouldn't speak of it even now. But that all changed when Daryl showed up. He protected her - stopped them from hurting her. And eventually led her back to her family. Where for the first time she began to fear her father. 

Terminus was next. The people there snatched her from her family. She was forced to watch from afar as they were guided into the crate. Rick fought against them, Carl too but it was to no use. They had sectioned her off in a playroom. Every once in a while an older woman came in to fed and played with her. She hated it. Being in this world for more than a year now she knew that people like them didn't just want to play even if she did. She learnt that from the Claimers. 

Carol found her. Although having never have been all that close to the older woman - the only relation being the closeness between y/n and Sophia - seeing her after so long made her cry out of joy. Carol was happy too as she rushed out of that place to take her to safety. The pair ended up in the woods. Carol had stopped a moment ago to clean the dirt from her face, "lemme help." 

The girl sat up from where she was put down and cupped some water splashing it on Carol's face. Carol flinched as the water hit her, "Uh thank you." 

"Welcome," She looked away getting distracted by the nearing sound of footsteps. 

"Get behind me, y/n," Carol ordered to which she shook her head. 

"No it dada," She ran away from the woman and towards the group. 

"Y/n come back here!" Y/n continued ignoring Carols pleas and crashed herself into the back of Rick's legs. 

The father shot around and began to cry as he saw the child he thought he lost at his feet. "Oh, baby!" He collected the girl in his arms. Carl rushed to them too happy to see her alive after Gareth claimed he killed her. "Oh y/n, never leave me again, okay?" He looked directly into her matching blue eyes, "Promise me." 

"I promise, dada." 

Later Carol led them to Judith. Y/n was over the moon and refused to let her out of her sight, which was exactly what Rick was doing too. They found the church a while after. There they had some semblance of peace. She was glad to have Glenn back - Maggie too. Along with the new people although Eugene was a bit weird. 

At the church was also when the questions started. Daryl had told Rick about the group they were with and regretfully had to inform the father how she was there before him. Rick asked y/n - begged her - to tell her what happened. But she refused. She couldn't say what happened. What they did, which just made Rick fear more. Eventually, she spoke a little about it. She was vague and could barely string two words together without crying. He hated it. He hated how this was a reality for his daughter. He saw the bruises they left. And he couldn't understand how someone could touch his child. Or how he could be so powerless to stop it. 

Bob died. She didn't really know the man but it still upset her. Beth too. Although she was a lot closer to her. Beth was one of her only friends and was someone who would look after her when her father couldn't. They bonded and now she was gone. 

After Beth's demise, they spent lots of time on the road. They suffered, almost died countless times but they prevailed. They got stronger - she got stronger. And they eventually found Alexandria. There everything was good again like how it was at the prison or even before this hell. She liked it there and didn't understand why the others were so sceptical. 

Though that didn't last for long. Y/n began to hate the place when Carl got shot. Alexandria almost stole her brother from her. So she despised it. She refused to leave her brother's side as he adjusted to his injury. Yes, he found it annoying how she wouldn't leave him be and he often snapped at her. But she was there when he needed her. Despite the age difference and the many years of memories they had lost to this fight, she understood his pain. When he saw himself as ugly, a monster even, she made him think otherwise. She kept him afloat, which he was eternally thankful for. 

Glenn was next. 

She didn't believe it even after she was forced to see it with her own two eyes. She was next to Glenn in the lineup. She had to watch up close. Y/n had to be mocked by that man. She had to stay the whole night with her best friends brains on her face. After that night she blamed herself. She told herself that if Negan was just one person off she would be dead and he would live. He would get to see his child born and grow old with Maggie like they had spoken about. She wholeheartedly believed he deserved to live over her. 

The war with Negan shook her to the core. At the time his face filled her nightmares. He just looked so normal. He looked nice even. Yet he hurt and he hurt and he hurt. 

He killed her Glenn. And then Carl. It wasn't Negans fault although she did blame him. Carl had gotten bit. Y/n held his hand as he died in that tunnel as the home they had built above them fell. She got a letter too - even though she would rather have preferred to have her brother back. In the letter, Carl told her how proud he was of her - how thankful he was to have her as a sister. He told her to protect Judith, their dad and Michonne, who she had recently begun to call momma. 

After Carl's death, y/n shut herself from the world well everyone except her father. For days she would cry until she couldn't anymore. She would scream and scream until her voice was gone. She just didn't understand why it had to be Carl? Why mom? Why Glenn? Why Beth? Why was it never her? The following weeks she found herself wishing it would be her next. She could never bring herself to say it out loud but with any battle, any fight, anything, she wished it would be her. 

So when she lost her father her whole world fell apart. He was her consistent so why did he leave her? She was at the bridge that day. Daryl held her crying frame as Rick set off that final shot blowing him and the walkers off the bridge. Y/n Grimes' father was dead. 

She stayed in Alexandria for a while afterwards. For the sole reason to protect her siblings. Yes, siblings - plural. Somehow through all the bad some good came from it. She just wished her father and Carl could've seen it. RJ Grimes came into this world 9 months later. And he was perfect. For months she would assist in taking care of him as Michonne wasn't doing the greatest without the love of her life. Truth be told neither was y/n she was just better at hiding it. 

Until one night it all became too much. Y/n didn't know how it happened but she found herself balancing on the edge of her window. She wanted to jump - to end it. But she just couldn't will herself to do it. And when Daryl showed up she knew she couldn't. "Hey step away from ta window, alrigh'," The man ordered as he saw her shaking frame rocking back and forth. 

"I-i can't," She sobbed. 

"Ye' ya can. Jus' step back I'll catch ya," Daryl moved closer but paused when she shouted to stop. 

"I can't, Daryl. They're all gone. They're all dead," The tears clouded her eyes. She shut them tightly picturing her families faces wanting so badly to join them. 

"Please jus' step back, y/n. Yer' not alone. I'm here," He croaked the tears floating down his cheeks, "Don't jump." 

"I love you, Daryl." 

"I love ya too, okay? So step away from the window," He watched as she turned her head slightly catching his eyes. 

"I love you but I can't. Tell mom, RJ and Judy I love them as well." 

Suddenly she went to fall forward but Daryl reacted quicker. He gripped her waist pulling her into the room unwilling to release his grasp. "Yer' not leaving me," He told her as she cried into his shoulder, "Yer' cant leave me." Overhearing the chaos, Michonne entered her daughter's room to see the window wide open and the two of them crying. Daryl looked at her. The look telling her all she needed to know. Michonne began to cry herself and joined them on the ground. 

"Y/n?" A small voice called from the door frame. 

"Judith go back to bed, okay?" Michonne told her but Judith continued towards her sister. The girl said nothing as she wiped her sister's tears and held her hand.

It was 5 years later now. After her attempt, she left Alexandria with Daryl in search of her father. She didn't believe he was alive despite everything inside her wanting to. But Daryl did and after what happened they became a lot closer. He was happy she joined him. Even though the act of being out there was gruelling at times he was glad he could look after her. And if something would've happened to her while he was gone he could never have forgiven himself. Understandably Michonne was angry that y/n decided to leave. Y/n was her daughter and Michone her mother. They needed each other but she was willing to let Y/n leave to figure that out. It brought her peace looking for her father. 

The silence was her favourite and as Daryl wasn't much of a talker she got lots of it. They got a dog too, which Daryl cleverly named Dog. Everything was a messed up version of okay but it was still good. Being out there made her find her purpose. She went home a lot more than Daryl did, which pleased her siblings and mother. It was always for a few days never longer as she feared she'd stay forever and she couldn't. As much as Alexandria is good it also drives y/n to a dark place. One she was in that night. She lost so much there. And staring at those four walls drove her insane. It didn't help how Negan was imprisoned there. Just thinking how close he was made her skin crawl. She knew how Rick visited him when he was alive that he believed Carl was right about the killing. That it had to stop. Y/n knew he was right too but she could never bring herself to one admit or two face Negan. 

It felt like a story she read as a child when the Whisperers showed up. Like Negan, they scared her. So when she was told about his escape she only assumed the worst. The Whisperers took so many from them. Like Enid for example. Her story was cut short because of them. The two never really spoke but she understood how she and Carl felt for each other at a time. So ultimately it felt like she lost her final piece of Carl when she died. Y/n wished she had spoken to her when she could've. She wished she could've heard the untold stories they shared. She needed to know about Carl's final years with her. But now she's gone too along with those memories. 

The war with the Whisperers took everything from them. The Kingdom. Hilltop. Alexandria. Along with the lives they lost in the process. With the group separated she found herself protecting Judy and RJ. Michonne had gone. Where she had gone to, y/n had no idea. For a messed up reason, she began to prepare herself for her mother's death before it was even announced. That was until she got the call. She was okay and... apparently so was Rick. 

Disbelief was what hit her first. She couldn't hear his voice nor see his face so how could she know it was true. Michonne didn't know either she couldn't if he was really there, still alive. That night of the call she left. Without hesitation, she kissed RJ and Judith's heads, told them she loved them and told them to tell everyone else that and left. She left in the direction Michonne had told her. 

She left to find her father. And she knew she wouldn't return until she did. "I'm coming, dad."

[gucciwins]

Three Time

The one where Harry, Atticus, and Y/N celebrate. 

Word Count: 2,988

A/N: Hello friends, this is a little continuation to my story Adore You.  Harry is now a three time grammy nominated artist and i think that is beautiful. This is something short and i really do hope you enjoy it. 

There is a lot that happened this year that she never saw coming. 

First, a worldwide pandemic that would keep everyone locked indoors and having to wear masks. Secondly, Harry's Love on Tour getting rescheduled to 2021, but even that isn't looking good now. And lastly, being in Los Angeles in November as Harry is filming a movie as the lead male actor. 

Ever since Fine Line was released in December, time seemed to fly by for them.

Harry was overjoyed at how loved Fine Line was by his fans. He was getting support left and right. He was a humble man, never letting it go to his head, always saying he couldn't do it without the help of the people on his team. 

There have been rumors flying around speculating Harry having a girlfriend, a famous songwriter, but they have learned to ignore it. Harry doesn't feel the need to address his relationships because it's theirs. He would love to shout his love for Y/N to the world, but as long as she knows, he's content. 

They celebrated their one year anniversary in Italy for a week before flying back home, they would have stayed longer, but they missed Atticus too much to do that. As soon as they got home, it felt like everything changed. Not between them, but with the world. It was madness to see a lockdown, fear had spiked, but safety was a priority that they took seriously. Meaning they had to take it day by day.

Ever since the worldwide lockdown in March, Harry discussed staying in Los Angeles with Mitch and Sarah for a few months. Atticus was quick to agree, but Y/N really wanted to go home. Harry reminded her it was better to be surrounded by a good group of friends than to be distanced from everyone in London's separate homes. She was quick to agree after. 

Y/N didn't mind it much after; they all always helped each other out. There was also a lot of music playing, as well as creating. Harry said they might just have to get Mitch to release a quarantine album, which got Harry hit in the head with a pillow. 

The one who was taking this the hardest was Atticus, missing Anne and Gemma, who was back in London. He missed going to the park to play, he missed running around free, and honestly, she did as well. They would go hiking and on walks, but it was not as open as before. 

This is why, by June, they returned back home to London, and after a week of quarantine and negative test results, they went on the journey to visit both families. Y/N separated from them to visit her mother and step-dad even though Harry tried to convince her they could go together, but honestly, as much as she loved Anne and had started to see her as a second mother, she really needed a hug from her own. She promised Harry and Atticus she would see them the day after as she was coming to see Anne and they would stay the week with her. 

During this time, Y/n started knitting, something she learned at a young age but would only do when she was stressed. She began teaching Atticus, but he could only keep still for a little bit before he had to run off and do a new activity. She knitted socks, hats, and blankets for their family and friends and shipped them off to them. Y/N even made Atticus and herself the JW Anderson Cardigan. It was a lot of work, but it came out lovely. Harry made them do a little backyard photoshoot because he loved it so much.  

Harry had even surprised her when he told her it would be on the cover of Vogue. She was in shock, but she never stopped hugging him, telling Harry how proud of him she was. The day of the shoot was gorgeous, she had to remind herself to breathe a few times, or she would have passed out. Atticus was in the shoot with Gemma and Harry as they did a family shoot to surprise Anne. Harry kept asking her if she was enjoying it, and honestly, her smile said everything. That she was proud of him, that he was doing fantastic but most importantly, that she loved him. The skirt had a lot of filthy thoughts floating through her head, and she really hoped they'd lend it to Harry if she told him everything she wanted to do with him, specifically her under that skirt touching him. 

Harry had her join for a few photos, Lambert pulling out a surprising look just for her. Harry promised these photos were just for them, even if he wanted to have them put one in just so the world could know how much he loved his family. 

It's November now, and they are in Y/N's Malibu home, which they have been staying at since October. Harry has started filming "Don't Worry Darling," in Olivia Wilde's film. It was surreal when they found out; she couldn't be any prouder. Staying in her home was an easy choice; not many knowing where she lives, only a few friends, and Atticus loves having the beach so close even if it is a little too cold to go in now. 

Y/N and Atticus can't go to set due to safety and regulations, but Harry calls and facetime them every time he gets a break in his trailer. He lets them know he misses them, but he really loves everyone he's working with. That the cast is incredible and kind. Harry would not stop teasing Y/N for her reaction when she saw the wedding ring on his left hand. It made her stop mid-sentence. Husband Harry is something she wishes to one day get because Dad Harry is an angel to his sweet son. 

Harry has recently gone back to filming as it was postponed for two weeks because someone on set came out positive to make up for the lost time they started filming on weekends, which bummed out Atticus. Still, Harry quickly told him it wasn't his choice and that they would watch movies of his options as soon as he was back. Atticus loves Y/N a lot, but he's never going to love anyone more than his dad, even though Atticus does push Harry second sometimes. 

More times than not, Harry will get home and find Y/N and Atticus napping in a new place of the house; the last time was outback in a little tent Y/N set up with fairy lights and had many pillows and blankets to stay warm. Harry was quick to climb in and wrap his arms around Y/N, who quickly woke up due to his cold hands, but he apologized quickly with kisses. She's a sucker for his kisses.

Every moment together is special for them. 

Atticus called her 'Mum' a week ago and ran off, feeling embarrassed would not talk to her all day. Which was hard to do, seeing that they were the only three people in the house. Harry saw how sulky she was and talked with Atticus because neither would tell him what happened. Harry was surprised when Atticus told him what he said, but he was mostly filled with joy and a bit of fear. A fear that she could leave any day and not only would he be left heartbroken but so would his son, but he knows Y/N and the love she has for them. She's here forever, she might not say it, but her actions say enough for her. How she tucks in Atticus to bed with a kiss and an 'I love you.' Asking Anne and her mother on first time parenting tips when she thinks Harry isn't around. How much she cried when he got a scrape on his knee for the time in her care. There isn't anything stopping her from leaving, but she stays because she loves all she has. In the end, Atticus apologized for not speaking with her, and she hugged him and cuddled him all night long. Harry told Atticus that Y/N wasn't his mother, but she loved him like one and that it was okay with him if she called her that. Y/N was fearful of being a mom, but she loved Atticus like her own; even if she hadn't watched and cared for him since he was born, she was here known and would do so for as long as Harry and Atticus let her. 

November 24th, a long-awaited day for artists in the music industry. Harry has to be on set at 11AM today, meaning they will be watching the live stream together. Jeff is with Glenne and is on facetime with Harry. He has his phone perched up against a candle. Harry is sitting in the middle, Atticus to his left and Y/N to his right. He's in sweats and a plain white tee, not needing to be dressed up, seeing as it only is nine in the morning. 

The live stream is an hour-long. Y/N truly forgets how many categories they have until she watches. They woke up at eight am, had pancakes for breakfast, and spoke of their daily plans letting time go by them, allowing them to enjoy breakfast together as they do each morning. 

Atticus can barely sit still, just wanting to hear his daddy's name being called. Harry is surprisingly quiet, just sitting back with his arms crossed as the live stream goes on. Honestly, Y/N is the only one showing emotion. She cheers as she hears HAIM and Phoebe Bridgers get nominated. She itches to grab her phone to shoot them a congratulations message but fears she'll miss something, so she just gives herself a silent reminder to do it after. 

Sharon Osbourne had just begun to say the nominees for Best Comedy Album, and Y/N knows what is coming up soon. She isn't even listening to the nominees, just waiting for her to name the Best Music Video nominees. 

As soon as she says, "Brown Skin Girl, Beyoncé," Y/N feels Harry's hand on her thigh tighten, and she feels for him. His nerves must be out of the roof, but he tries his best not to show it. Y/N shuts her eyes tight, putting her hand over his to let him know she's there for him. 

When she hears the words "Adore You, Harry Styles," she feels her heart speed up. She opens her eyes wide and looks at Harry; his face is blank. Atticus is running circles around the couch, just cheering and yelling nonsense. Jeff and Glenne are cheering from the phone. 

Harry lets out a big smile when he finally meets her eyes. "Adore you did it, angel." She whispers.

He nods. "That's unreal. To hear my name." 

She leans in to give him a quick kiss as they settle back down, ready to listen for the upcoming categories. Megan the Stallion is starting the new section of categories, and Y/N isn't sure how to feel because she won't be able to take it if they don't name Harry again. 

"Best Pop Solo Performance, Watermelon Sugar." This time they all break out into cheers as soon as they hear them call Harry's name after Dua Lipa's. "Watermelon Sugar" had been a hit from the day of its release. Now it has been nominated for a Grammy feels unreal to Harry. Two nominations, he would have never believed it. 

Y/N's buzzing waiting for Megan to announce Best Pop Vocal Album. Harry is now leaning forward, knowing this is another category he could potentially be nominated for. 

"Fine Line Harry Styles" As soon as she hears those words, the tears start running down her face; he did this. His album was nominated. Harry can't stop smiling as Atticus hugs him tight around his neck. He lets out a small chuckle as he sees her tears. He pulls her in, kissing her head repeatedly, smiling at Jeff's congratulations but mostly basking in the joy of three nominations and that he has the opportunity to share it with those he loves. 

Harvey Mason JR. is here once again to announce the general field categories. Harry and Y/N nod along as the names of the nominees are called out. Jeff let out a cheer hearing HAIM nominated for album of the year. Y/N sighs, not hearing Harry being nominated but continues ready to hear Adore You for record of the year. Only it doesn't happen. Harvey Mason JR. bids everyone goodbye, and just like that, it's over. 

Jeff breaks the silence, congratulating Harry before hanging up. Harry sits back with Atticus in his lap, a big smile on his face. 

Harry is happy. Extremely happy, this has always been a dream of his, one he never knew would come true. 

His second album got him three Grammy nominations. Atticus has no clue what these awards mean, but he's happy just seeing Harry and Y/N happy.  Atticus climbs off Harry's lap, kissing Harry and Y/N's cheek, saying he's going to his room now. 

Harry turns to look at Y/N, and the smile she had has now left her face, and now she sits there, lost in thought. This worries Harry; she was fine moments ago. He's got to go soon, so he needs to figure this out now. 

"Honey, you alright?" Harry places his hand on her thigh, and she looks at him, nodding. 

"Fine." She kisses his cheek. "Really happy for you." 

Harry knows she is, but there's something else. "Spill." 

She sighs, knowing nothing gets past him. "You weren't named for any general category. I'm proud of the three you got, but I was sure you would be at least nominated for record of the year." Awards don't mean much to Y/N anymore, but she knows how important this is for Harry. "I'm sorry, ruining your mood." 

"You didn't. Thank you for caring so much." His smile is sincere, and she knows he wouldn't lie to her. 

"It's okay," Harry tells her, wanting her to repeat it with him.

"But Harry," He puts his hands on her cheeks to get her to stop and look at him. 

"Honey, it's okay. Three nominations are amazing, and I couldn't be happier." 

"I know," She deflates. "3-time Grammy Nominated Artist Harry Styles has a nice ring to it." She smirks, noting the blush on his cheek. 

"Dork." He leans in to kiss her nose. 

"Fine Line is still my favorite album, you know, from everything released, named number one." 

"You're just saying that." 

Y/N shakes her head no, "Of course not. Yours is the one album I had on repeat the most. My Spotify wrapped will prove just that." 

Harry snorts, "You're too much." 

He pulls her in to lay on his chest, her arms snake around his waist. They hold each other tight. 

"I'm proud of you," Harry whispers in her ear. 

Y.N leans back, but Harry's hold is tight. "I did nothing; you just got nominated. For your second album, you deserve all the praise today." 

"Honey, will you let me continue." Harry laughs. 

"Sorry, H." 

"I'm proud of you because, without you, this album would have never been finished. I would have never had the inspiration to finish Adore You. Would have never had the idea to make a fake island and promote it without ever adding my name to it. I would have never thought to film using a CGI fish, as my friend in the story. I would have never had the released "Lights Up," the song that started this new era for me but most importantly, I would have never found love. A love that is bigger than me that fills me with so much joy. A love that leaves me scared. A love that will forever keep on growing." Harry smiles as he wipes away her tears. 

Harry loves Y/N with all he has. This album was his, but it was also hers. It's what truly brought them together. 

"You made me cry, you jerk." She says, laying her head in the crook of his neck.

Harry laughs. "I just poured my heart out to you, and I'm the jerk." 

"I love you." Harry grins. That's all he wants to hear. "I'll love you, today, tomorrow, forever for as long as you let me. 

Harry can't contain his happiness and needs to show her. He connects their lips. It's a hard, fast kiss full of passion. They pull away because their smiles don't let them continue much. 

"You've got to go." Y/N reminds him as he continues to press kisses all over her face and neck. 

Harry settles down, smiling down at her. "I know." She leans forward, kissing him quickly. "We'll celebrate more when I get home tonight." 

"Three nominations, wow!" Y/N says, standing up. "We're in for a long celebration once we get Atticus down to sleep." She wags her eyebrows at him.

Harry very quickly gets the hint. "I can't wait, honey." 

Atticus comes bouncing down the steps giving his dad a kiss goodbye, walking him to the door, barefoot. Y/N follows Harry, giving her one last kiss goodbye as he walks to his car. 

As he gets in and pulls out of the driveway, he sees Y/N and Atticus waving goodbye to him. Harry has a big smile on his face that no one can see. He's thankful to now be a 3-time Grammy-nominated artist, but what he is most grateful for is getting to be the person who gets to love Y/N and Atticus forever.

Thank you for reading! This was just a small little piece for a beloved piece I wrote. If inspiration strikes, I shall be revisiting this story. 

Please let me know what you thought!

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[SUMMARY: Rick's daughter Melody cant help her curiosity about the man locked up in the prison cell. Being kept secrets from her father, she takes it upon herself to get to know Negan and one day sneaks into the cell to find him asleep with morning wood.]

SEMI SMUT

Negan and Melody

Rick never really allowed you anywhere near Negan. Hell, you never even saw Negan yourself up close and personal. Although you were twenty, your father still treated you like the little five year old girl he used to carry on his shoulders. It was frustrating at times, he always wanted to keep secrets from you about what was going on in the group and he always said it was to protect you. The only times you ever saw Negan he was tied up being led into the prison cell. Truth was, you didnt know what he had done that was so bad. Your father seemed to keep everything from you that involved anything serious. You looked out the window and saw Daryl pass Eugene the keys for cell, each night someone was on guard. Looking to the right you saw your dad heading your way and quickly pulled down the blinds. After you were told Glenn had died in an accident on a run a few months ago many things changed. Maggie left, everyone seemed more distant and it left you confused.

"Get ready for bed, Melody," your dad spoke low as he entered the house making you sigh.

"I'm not tired dad."

"Mel, it's getting late-"

"And is there something we need to be ready for in the morning?" You responded with sarcasm looking back out the window.

"Besides...you never told me what that guy Negan did."

"I told you that's not up for discussion," he insisted making you roll your eyes.

"Is anything up for discussion? Whatever, I'm sure what he did wasnt that bad if hes being kept alive." You got up from the chair and walked past your father as he looked down with a straight face. There was no way he could tell you the truth of what Negan had done. Your father tried to protect you the best he could and losing people was enough, he didnt want to leave you with images in your head.

Waiting to be sure that your father was in his room you quietly snuck out of yours. Your curiosity ate at you and you were tired of your father treating you like a little girl. Making sure you werent heard, you stepped outside and walked towards where Negan was held captive. Eugene was heading back to the cell with a tray of food for Negan. You knew itd be easy to get around Eugene regardless of what your father instilled in his mind. Creating casual conversation with Eugene and some jokes to break the ice you offered to take Negan his lunch. Right away he made a face filled with doubt.

"I dont know about that, Melody..I'm in charge of his cell-"

"Yeah but you're in charge of the entrance. Who's going to watch while you are distracted handing him the food?" Eugene raised an eyebrow in thought, he felt like you had a point.

"Alright but your dad cant know about this, he'll kill me. So dont take too long."

"Dont worry I got it," you assured him before taking hold of the tray of food and the keys from his hand.

You could feel your heart beating out of your chest, you were nervous yet so curious to know the man that was hidden from you. Unlocking the door you walked down a dark hallway before reaching the cell.

"Well its about time one of you fuckers remembered to feed me," you froze at the sound of Negans voice before stepping out of the dark hall and into the light, revealing yourself. Negan looked up as he leaned against the wall not expecting to see a young attractive woman before him.

"Well excuse my French, where the fuck did your pretty little self come from?" Negan looked you up and down observing your skin tight jeans and crop shirt. Right from the jump you found this man to be very intimidating, taking a deep breath you stepped closer to his cell and bit your bottom lip nervously.

"Um...my name is Melody.. I came to bring you your meal," Negan slowly stepped closer to the bars with a smirk on his face and looked down at the tray in your hands.

"I see that...so you're gonna put that down for me, sweetheart?" He spoke slowly with an enticing voice.

"Oh..um, yes" you smiled before slowly bending down not noticing Negan tilt his head eyeing the curve of your ass as you slid the tray beneath the bars.

"Very nice.." he murmured low to himself before you got back up. Your eyes met his and you suddenly didnt move, his eyes were alluring and inviting all at once. Nervously clearing your throat you backed away brushing your hair back.

"I gotta ask, princess. What's a fine young woman like you doing alone with me here in my prison cell?"

"I wanted to see who you were...I'm not allowed to know things so-"

"So you're telling me no one knows you're here?" He raised a brow getting closer, although this man was behind the bars you still found yourself feeling nervous.

"No...everyone treats me like a little girl. I'm twenty years old and I'm tired of people covering up things for me," you explained.

"Shit, you are very young."

"Not too young where I cant be told what the hell you did to be in here, cant be all that bad if you're still alive."

Negan raised his brows sliding his tongue behind his lower lip.

"Oh no sweetheart, I'm no good." He spoke in a low voice.

"So let me guess, you're going to treat me like a little girl too and not tell me why?" Negan couldnt help himself but chuckle making you cross your arms.

"What's so funny?"

"Ohh...princess, if I was out of this cell right now I'd gladly show you how much of a grown woman I think you are."

"What?" You asked a little shocked not expecting him to express himself the way he did. You were quickly learning Negan had an unfiltered mouth.

"Dont mind me," Negan shook his head with a sigh.

"Its been a while and I'm just fucking frustrated."

"Its been a while since what?" You asked making him slightly lean back with a frown on his face.

"You really are innocent huh," you rolled your eyes.

"Listen, if you're going to say it just say it-"

"Its been a while since I've had some pussy." Negan blurt out making you stumble over your words.

"Oh-um...-" Negan grinned raising his brows at your reaction.

"Oh yes," he laughed as you nervously licked your lips.

"Shit..." he suddenly turned serious.

"How long has it been for you? Or wait let me guess, you haven't even had your cherry popped yet." Negan moved closer to the bars to get a closer look at you.

"Actually, I'm not a virgin but it's been a few years since I lost my virginity to this jackass. I havent slept with someone since."

"So you've gone a few years with out any relief?"

"Well um-obviously I've had relief-"

"Oh..so you like touching yourself," he bit his bottom lip in excitement.

"-But yes, it's been years since I've had sex and I'm okay with it, I dont need it." You couldnt believe you were even explaining this to him.

"Hm. Looks like whoever was hitting it wasnt hitting it right, shit I'd always have you coming back for more." You rolled your eyes holding back a smile, you kind of liked the attention he was giving you.

"Are you always this vulgar, Negan?"

"Only when I'm horny," he teased making you shake your head.

"Shit, do you blame me princess? You're the first woman that's spoken to me like I wasnt a damn monster. Plus I love some dirty talk." Negan had to admit the company was refreshing for him. You sighed with a smile and looked down at his food.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you to your food. I'll come by when I can again...if you want me to." Negan smiled sliding his tongue between his teeth.

"Oh I definitely do." You couldnt believe this man was flirting with you but you had to admit to yourself it was a fun interaction.

"Your secrets safe with me, Melody." Negan winked before you quietly left and locked the door shut.

That night you lay in bed smiling to yourself thinking of your very flirtatious talk with Negan. Your dad hadn't suspected a thing and you knew the next morning he would go on a run. It would be a perfect time to see Negan again. You were the first person in a long time to not make him feel like a monster and he was the first person who made you feel like a grown woman. Distracted by his flirtatious ways you didnt focus on the reason of him being held in a cell and Negan had no idea you were Rick Grimes only daughter.

The next morning just as suspected your father left on a run with Daryl and Michonne. The person on guard today was one of the men that you knew wasnt the biggest fan of your father. Of course you were to use this to your greatest advantage. Setting up a tray of breakfast with extra fruit you had grown in your garden you made your way to Negan. Unlocking the door, excitedly you walked down the hall to find Negan asleep with his back facing you as you set down his tray of food.

"Good morning, Negan." You spoke softly making him open his eyes. He groaned with a stretch and turned flat to his back making you gasp.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Negan looked at you confused before noticing exactly where your eyes were. The imprint of Negans very hard cock was practically bulging out of his pants.

"Ah shit-"he muttered to himself adjusting his pants.

"Sorry, sweetheart must've been having a nice little dream." He chuckled as he noticed you wouldnt stop staring at it.

"What, never seen some morning wood before?" He teased as he stood up.

"I mean, of course I just didnt expect to see you..I mean for you to be that way right now." You responded nervously as he made his way close to the bars of the cell.

"Right now?" He laughed.

"Oh princess, you have no idea how horny I am. How much I'd kill for the feel of sweet pussy...shit for a woman to just relieve me." The two of you were face to face now, only the bars separating you from each other.

"You know what I was dreaming about, princess?" Negan spoke as he noticed you would not stop looking down at his crotch area.

"I dreamt about you riding my cock." His voice was raspy, his words making you look up in shock.

"What?" You whispered.

"You left me last night thinking about things I wanted to do to you and this is the outcome." He motioned towards his erection.

"Why dont you touch it for me...just once." He spoke low, your lips parted at his request. Your heart was racing, it was arousing how much this man wanted you. Looking back at the door behind you making sure it was locked you looked back at Negan and nodded.

"Just once." You agreed making him grin.

"Atta girl."

Negan watched as you hesitatingly moved your hand in between the bars and began to slowly rub his crotch. A deep noise escaped his lips the first moment you touched him, his breathing was heavy as you moved your hand up and down.

"Oh my...-" you whispered feeling how rock solid he was.

"Oh, Melody.." he whispered as he closed his eyes. You could tell he obviously wanted more, you could tell how much he needed it. Without saying a word you began to unzip his pants and instantly his cock sprung out. It was thick and hot, you could feel him throbbing in your hand. The man was aching for some kind of relief, he was about ready to explode.

Spitting on your hand you began to move along his shaft. Negan moaned holding onto the bars as he watched you jerk him off. He could tell you were getting turned on as you began to breathe quickly. Negan reached through the bars and grabbed your throat applying pressure making you moan as you began to move your hand faster.

"Fuck baby, I dont think I can hold it-" he held his breath and grunted struggling to not let himself cum just yet.

"Hold on just a little bit more, I want you to cum hard." You whispered as he frowned holding on to the bar tightly, his knuckles turning white. It had been too long since he had been touched, too long since he had ejaculated and Negan had an intense rush. His other hand quickly sliding down your neck and pulling your v neck shirt down revealing your breast.

"Touch me, Negan. Do what you want." You whispered as your hand moved faster. Your words making his jaw clench as he squeezed your breast and let out a very loud and deep groan, loads of cum spilled out of him falling to ground.

"Yes.." you whispered loving the sight of him giving in.

"Dont stop-" he struggled to speak as he continued to cum all over your hand. He panted as you began to slow down before he let go of your breast and leaned against the bars. Releasing his cock from your hand you stepped back and looked at him from head to toe. His eyes were closed as he leaned his head on the bars, his cock twitching as you noticed all his cum on the concrete floor.

"Wow.." you whispered making him open his eyes. Grabbing a rag you had on you, you cleaned up your hand then handed it to him before he closed his pants. Negan cleared his throat before looking back up at you with a smirk.

"I guess I owe you one," he chuckled still trying to catch his breath making you laugh as you fixed your top.

"Glad I could be of help," you joked before the two of you locked eyes. The smiling fading from his face now.

"Seriously, it's been nice having you here."

Negan liked the sexual connection the two of you had, he also liked how you naturally conversed with him. You didnt treat him like an animal, you treated him like a human being. Negan knew he had messed up in life but he knew there was nothing he could do to change the past. All he could do was not repeat the same mistakes. What he did know was that he now knew for sure that he did not want you knowing his real reason behind being locked inside. He knew youd never look at him the same way again.

"Its been nice for me too. I havent really had conversation with anyone in my group." You sighed crossing your arms.

"After my friend Glenn died things changed." You whispered making Negans face change at the mention of Glenn's name. He looked away feeling a knot of guilt in the pit of his stomach.

"Everyone started acting different. I miss the way things were." You continued as you looked to the side and thought back of some memories.

"I think you should get going, Princess." Negan spoke low, his words making you look back at him confused.

"Wh-what? I thought we could talk-"

"Listen, I'm not your fucking therapist. Now get going." Negan snapped just wanting you to leave, his guilt eating up at him he felt like utter shit.

"So what jerking you off is all you needed so I'm good to go now?"

Negan remained silent, his head down not being able to look you in the eye.

"You know I know we dont know each other and you dont give a shit about me, but I thought we had an understanding that we both needed someone to talk to and not talk to them like something they're not." You snapped as he carefully listened to your words.

"That's the problem, sweetheart. They're not treating me like something I'm not. You are." His words left you speechless, what the hell did he mean by that?

"I told you I was no fucking good. Now get out of here." Negan turned his back to you, you couldnt believe what he was saying or what the hell even made him say these things.

"Screw you." Negan heard the crack in your voice before you stormed out and slammed the door shut. Negan sighed knowing he didnt want to hurt your feelings, hell he didnt even want you to leave. Angrily you walked back to your room and slammed the door shut, you felt so stupid you could scream. You swore you'd never see Negan again nor let your father ever find out of what had just happened.

Part 2? Trying to think of where I can go from here. Feel free to send in any ideas if you have. Xx

[walkerwords]

“Just Like Old Times” Rick Grimes x F!Reader

GIF CREDIT: https://gifer.com/en/AjzT and AMC

Request from Anonymous: “ Here's an idea for Rick x Reader! Rick didn't expect to meet his high-school ultimate crush ever again, he didn't expect to see her in Alexandria after so many years, he didn't knew he'd even recognize her, but he did. She changed a lot but the shine in her eyes when she looked at him with a cheeky smile, spreading her arms, saying "Welcome to Alexandria" – it was definitely her. They do say first love dies last.”

Word Count: 3981

Warning: Swearing?

Song I Wrote To: “Back To You” by Selena Gomes

Note: I really liked writing this one. I am a sucker for the crew showing up at Alexandria and meeting someone they once knew. Thank you for the request!

-------

When the group arrived in Alexandria, led by Aaron and Eric, Rick was on edge immediately. 

He didn’t trust anyone and he knew that the new people were going to be wary of any outsiders who stepped through their walls. Then, of course, Daryl had to shoot an animal and carry it around like a prize, and that only cemented the odd glances the group got as they walked through the gate.

Aaron was sure that Deanna, the leader, was going to welcome Rick and his people with open arms. Alexandria was very particular about who they invited into their walls and she trusted Aaron’s judgment more than anyone else’s.

Walking through the streets of the seemingly untouched community, everything felt wrong. After being on the road for so long, the group was tired, hungry, and had at least four layers of dirt on their skin. Judith squirmed in Rick’s arms as he adjusted her, trying to keep her shielded from the strangers that Aaron led them towards. 

Aaron explained where they were going and a few things about the community itself. They were self-sustaining with the solar panels and even had running water. Rick couldn’t help but be impressed at how modern it seemed, but then again, Woodbury had seemed like a dream too.

Looking over at Daryl, Rick figured the archer was thinking something similar. While Grimes wasn’t ready to write off Alexandria completely, he wasn’t going to let his guard down until he was sure. They had lost too much already to lose something like this with its walls, water, and over all protection. Especially for Judith, Noah, and Carl.

It was then announced that Deanna wanted to speak with them individually in order to establish a connection and assign jobs. Rick had been hesitant at first, but after speaking to both Maggie and Michonne, he relented and followed Aaron into the house, handing off his daughter to his son. 

As soon as the door to Deanna’s house closed, the gate slid open. 

------

You felt exhilarated. 

You usually did after a fight like the one you just had. There were some people that were built for the new world and you just fit in it perfectly. Blood was soaked into your clothes, but you couldn’t care less. You were alive and the Dead, were in pieces. All in a day’s work. 

When you had told Aidan that you were going out that morning he had tried to stop you, as usual, but you had simply smiled at him and skipped from the safety of the Safe Zone. You loved Alexandria, it was home, but there were times when you just needed to get out and do something and so, you did. 

Your good mood was soon challenged by the look on Aidan Monroe’s face as you walked towards him. Nicholas shut the gate behind you, muttering under his breath about how reckless you were, but you ignored him

 “What’s that face for?” you asked, catching up to Aidan who picked off a piece of bone from your shoulder with a grimace. 

“Aaron found new people,” Aidan said. 

“Why so glum? He always brings in stragglers,” you said, knocking your boot against the curb of the street trying to dislodge any extra gore before tracking it in further. 

“It’s not just a few people, (Y/N),” Aidan said. “It’s fourteen, plus a baby.” You froze in your steps and looked at him with wide eyes. 

“Fourteen?” 

“Yeah, and the leader seems like a real piece of work,” Aidan said. “Honestly, he kind of scares me.” 

“Damn,” you said, trying to imagine what Aaron was thinking when approaching a group that size. You were even more curious as to how he managed to get them to say yes. 

“I have to go help my dad with something, but be on your guard,” Aidan warned and you punched his chest lightly. 

“Don’t worry about me, Monroe. I am very well versed in strangers,” you said with a wink as you pushed on ahead, desperate for a shower. As you headed towards your house, you could see your many neighbors all looking towards Deanna’s place and you just knew they were trying to get the dirt on the new people. 

Curiosity got the best of you and instead of going straight home, you turned down the other street and began walking towards a group of scruffy travelers.

You spotted the baby immediately. The little thing was in the arms of a young boy, its small body wrapped in a soft but dirty blanket as the teenager rocked back and forth trying to soothe the poor thing. You couldn’t even imagine what would it be like to have a child in the new world, let alone one so small. 

As you neared them, you finally got a better look at the hat that was sitting on the kid’s head. It was oddly familiar.

“You know,” you said, approaching him, “the deputies where I used to live used these same kind of hats.” The teenager looked at you and if he was surprised at your appearance it didn’t show on his face. You did, however, gain the attention of others in his group. You noticed on in particular, a burly man with a crossbow and a possum hanging from his fingers was watching you with close eyes. You ignored him. 

“It’s a King County Sheriff hat,” the boy said, pushing the brim up slightly. 

“No shit,” you said, your brows rising into your bloodied hairline. “That’s my neck of the woods. You’re from King?” he nodded. “Huh, yeah I used to live there. I guess the world is gettin’ smaller after all.” The kid gave you a small smile, but before he could say anything else, the door to your leader’s house opened and a man walked out, his cowboy boots scuffing across the chipped, stone steps. He was tall and just by looking at him you knew that Aidan was right. This man was scary. 

However, there was something incredibly familiar about him. 

After checking on the boy in the hat, his eyes then flickered to you and he froze. His eyes scanned you from head to toe, starting at your bloodied face and going to your gore-laden boots and back up. You were about to ask what the hell his problem was when he opened his mouth and said, “(Y/N)?”

The world around your froze as the Georgia accent reached your ears. You knew that voice or at least some part of you remembered, considering how your heart jumped as soon as he spoke.

Taking a step forward, you narrowed your eyes, trying to see something that was missing. It took you a moment, but then you were able to finally see it. Behind all the dirt, the dried blood, and the very horrendous beard, there was a man you never thought you would see again. Your high school sweetheart, the one who got away, Rick Grimes. 

“Oh my god…” you whispered, taking another step. “Rick?” Grimes was hesitant at first, but then he was walking towards you, his people parting like the sea for their leader. He reached a hand out to you as if to brush away the blood, but then he took you by the arms and pulled you into his chest. 

Your arms went up and tightened around him, holding on for dear life. “I thought you hated growing a beard,” you said into his chest and you could feel the chuckle that vibrated through him at your joke. 

“Very funny,” he said, pressing his face into your hair. When you pulled back, you tried to wipe off the blood that you had transferred to his filthy clothes, but he didn’t seem to mind. Looking up into those cool blue eyes felt like for once, everything was going to be okay. 

“You’re alive?” you asked, reaching out to touch him again, afraid he was a mirage or that you were actually dead and not as victorious as you first thought. 

“I’m alive,” he confirmed. Blinking back the tears that settled in your eyes you laughed, trying to make sense of everything that was going on. 

“Well, uh, then let me be the one to say, welcome to Alexandria.”

--------

Later that night, everyone wanted answers. 

As the group settled into one of the houses that Deanna had provided, everyone looked at Rick expectantly. “I guess you have questions,” a freshly shaven Rick said as he leaned against the back of the couch. 

“You know her,” Carl said.

“I did,” Rick said. “(Y/N) and I knew each other when we were around your age, Carl. We dated in high school. She was the last person I was with before Lori. I honestly never thought I would see her again.” 

“What are the odds that she would be here of all places?” Tara asked as she leaned into Glenn’s side, trying to keep her eyes open. Nobody was willing to blindly sleep yet. Rick and Daryl were already making a plan to take the first watch shifts as well.

“Do you trust her?” Michonne asked Rick. He was quiet for a moment before sighing. 

“I did once,” he admitted, “but I don’t know what she’s been doin’ this whole time?”

“She was covered in blood when she hugged you,” Noah said awkwardly. 

“Deanna’s son said she was on a run,” Maggie explained. 

“We could ask Aaron about her,” offered Carl. 

“Maybe it would be best to hear it from her instead of others,” Rosita put in. “I think we all would feel a bit better knowing more about these people and if Rick has a history with one…”

“She’s got a point, man,” added Abraham.

Rick nodded, but when he went to say something else, there was a knock at the door. Still not used to the concept of knocking or even proper walls, Rick slowly approached the door and opened it hesitantly. When he saw that it was Deanna, he opened it fully.

“Rick, I--” Deanna began and then froze as she looked up at the former officer. “Wow.” Rick groaned as Deanna stared at his now beardless face. “I didn't know what was under there,” she joked and Rick rolled his eyes, already getting enough comments from his people. “Listen, I don't mean to interrupt. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were all settling,” she said and then looked around the room. “Oh, my. Staying together. Smart.”

“No one said we couldn't,” Rick rebutted. Deanna smiled at him.

“You said you're a family,” Deanna recalled, “That's what you said. Absolutely amazing to me how people with completely different backgrounds and nothing in common can become that. Don't you think?” Michonne glanced at Rick with a knowing look that clearly said, “play nice”.

“Everybody said you gave them jobs,” said Rick.

“Part of this place,” Deanna said with a nod, “looks like the communists won after all.”

“You didn’t give me one,” Rick said. 

“I have,” she said. “I just haven't told you yet. Same with Michonne. I'm closing in on something for Sasha.” Deanna then looked at Daryl who was sitting protectively near Judith. “And I'm just trying to figure Mr. Dixon out, but I will.” Daryl turned his eyes toward the window, ignoring the woman. “Well, I will let you get some rest and then tomorrow, maybe you can take a turn about the place. I hear you may already have a friend here,” she said with a knowing look. 

Deanna nodded to the rest of the group and then turned to go. Just before Rick was about to close the door, he spotted you. You stood just outside the house, leaning casually against a light post, arms and ankles both crossed. Deanna smiled at you as she walked towards her house. 

“I’ll be right outside,” Rick told Carl who was nearest to him and then stepped onto the porch, shutting the door behind him. 

“There’s the Rick I remember,” you said as he approached you. 

“I don’t remember you being this bad with jokes,” Rick said. 

“Who said I was joking?” you said with a smile. Rick stopped in front of you, noting the lack of blood and gore this time. “How are your people doing?” you asked.

“They’re on alert,” Rick explained. 

“Makes sense,” you said. “I was the same way.” 

“What happened to you, (Y/N)?” 

“Well,” you said, taking a deep breath, “after the first few outbreaks happened, I tried to find my parents. Never did, but I managed to get out of the county and tried to get to Atlanta. If you didn’t know, Atlanta is not somewhere anyone wants to be right now.”

“I know, we saw it,” he said. 

“So, you know that I high tailed my ass out of there. I hooked up with a group shortly after and we traveled together for a while. Then, of course, as always, the world catches up with you. There were only about four fighters in the group, myself included. One night the building we were staying in collapsed. Its beams and walls were already weak so nobody was surprised when they started to crumble. The noise attracted the Dead and only two of us got out alive. I and a young woman named Natasha walked for days, but then she got sick and I had to…” you stopped, trying to shake the memory out of your mind. 

“Aaron found me a day or so later and took me here. That was about three months ago. I’m a bit of an outsider, but Aidan, Deanna’s son, he’s nice. He’s a bit of a moron when it comes to what happens outside of the walls, but nice nonetheless. I definitely prefer speaking to him than his asshole brother, Spencer. Alexandria is a good place with good people but they do not understand how to survive. Aaron is as close as it gets when it comes to a good survivor here.” 

“Then why stay?” Rick asked. “If you feel as if you are such an outsider?”

“Walls,” you said simply. “I was so tired of sleeping with one eye open. However, I’ve never forgotten what’s out there and neither should you.” 

“I don’t plan to,” Rick promised. You smiled at that, seeing the resolve he had built up over the years.

“So, that’s your boy? The one in the hat? Lori’s boy?” 

“Yeah,” Rick said, glancing back towards the house. “The little one is mine too, Lori’s as well.” 

“And Lori?” you asked, noticing she wasn’t with the group. You had known Lori in school and had gotten along with her well enough. It didn’t surprise you all that much when Rick ended up with her after your break up. She was the stereotypical good girl and you knew she had always liked Rick.

“She died giving birth to Judith,” Rick explained. “It’s just me and them now.” 

“I’m sorry, Rick,” you said and you meant it. “If you ever need me to tell Carl any embarrassing stories about his mom, I am volunteering right now.” Rick laughed at that. 

“I will keep that in mind. Thank you,” he said and you smiled back. “What about you? Did you ever marry?”

“I did,” you said. “He was a doctor, a damn good one too. He was attacked in his ER when this whole thing exploded. Damn thing tore his throat out.”

“Jesus Christ,” Rick swore, running a hand down his face. “I’m so sorry. Did you have kids or?”

“No, no, not yet,” you said. “We thought maybe one day, but Will and I decided to wait. I guess we both have shit to deal with, huh?”

“Seems that way,” Rick agreed. 

“I should let you get some sleep,” you said, pushing off the post. 

“Yeah, I should go check on Judith before Daryl puts her in a bubble wrap suit to keep her safe,” Rick joked. 

“Sounds to me like you got a damn good bunch, Grimes. I’m glad you found a family in this.” Rick looked at you with sad eyes and you waved him off. “Don’t do that cowboy, I am okay with bein’ alone. Always liked solitude.”

“I remember,” Rick whispered. You sent him a wink as you turned to go. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I ain’t going anywhere,” you called back over your shoulder as you skipped towards home. Rick watched you go and couldn’t help but think just how small the universe was getting after all.

-----

The next day, while the others went exploring, Rick was visited by his new neighbor. 

When the knock came at his door, he was hoping it would be you, but instead, there was a friendly blonde woman. Jessie introduced herself and offered to cut Rick’s hair in which he gratefully accepted. There was a small part of him that was hoping you would start to see him as someone you once loved, however, he also knew that you both were very different people now. 

Jessie spoke candidly as she trimmed and snipped hair in Rick’s kitchen. He learned a lot about the community and was surprised to hear that Deanna had built such a functioning society in the new world. 

Rick also wasn’t blind to how flirtatious the woman was. She was beautiful, he could see that much, but she was also married and she wasn’t you.

When Deanna invited everyone to her house for a party, Daryl and Sasha had walked from the room immediately. 

However, after the promise of food and actual alcohol, everyone agreed to try, even with their reservations. As soon as Rick and the others entered the house, it was as if they were stepping back in time. Glenn and Abraham immediately went for the beer while Deanna pulled Rick to the side to introduce him to Reg, her husband.

After exchanging a conversation about fourteen lives and walls, Rick excused himself. He walked through the room, Judith balanced on his hip as he made the rounds. Jessie was there with her husband who didn’t exactly look friendly. Rick made sure to make a note about him.

Just as Jessie was about to make her way over, a hand slid across Rick’s shoulder. “Figured you may want this,” you said, offering him a glass of scotch. 

“Are you having one?” he asked and with a snort, you picked up your own glass from the side table. 

“Already on it,” you said, raising your glass to clink against his. He took a small pull of it as you downed half in one go. 

“Still not a lightweight, I see,” Rick noted. 

“I feel like I’m immune to it these days,” you said with a sigh. “You okay?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Rick drawled. You narrowed your eyes at him. 

“Oh, don’t you pull that accent with me,” you warned as he thickened his Southern accent. 

“You always liked it,” Rick recalled. 

“I liked it too much,” you said, sitting into your hip. “Besides, I was hoping that cute, grungy one would be around. Where is Daryl this fine evening?” 

“Ha. Ha,” Rick said with a roll of his eyes. You beamed up at him and then Judith hiccupped in his arms, pulling all of your attention. “You like that?” Rick asked his daughter, shifting her so you could see her more clearly. “Judith, this is (Y/N). She is someone your momma knew and someone I care a lot about.” Your brows quirked at that last line, but you kept your eyes on the child. 

“You are just the sweetest thing,” you said capturing the hand she reached out with your index finger. “Lucky kid to have a daddy like this,” you whispered, but then she started to fuss and you backed away. 

“It’s not you, trust me,” Rick said. “I know what she wants,” he said with a sigh as he raised a finger, asking you to wait before walking over to Maggie. Hearing Judith, Maggie immediately smiled and eagerly reached for the baby. As soon as Judith was settled in her arms, she was still again, happily content to be with her aunt. 

When Rick rejoined you, he shrugged. “Maggie was the first one to hold Judith after she was born and she is usually the only one who can do that.”

“Next time I’m on a run, I’ll pick you up some parenting books. I bet I can find ‘How To Raise a Little Girl in the Apocalypse’.”

“I will happily accept that,” he said. Glancing around the room, you nodded your head towards the back porch. He gestured for you to go first, grabbing his scotch on the way.  The two of you stood out in the cool air. You were grateful for the silence that the yard provided rather than the crowded house. 

“Saw you with Jessie earlier,” you began. “You gotta be careful of Pete. That man is no good.”

“I had a feeling,” Rick sighed. 

“Man hits her and I pray he doesn’t hit the boys, but I can’t be sure.”

“How is he still living here?” 

“He’s the only doctor we got and as much as I would love to throw his ass to a herd or kill him myself, it’s not my call. It’s Deanna’s. Just keep your eye on him, yeah?”

“I will,” he promised. 

“I’m so glad you’re here, Rick,” you said. 

“I almost wasn’t,” he said and at your confusion, he told you the story of how he was shot and ended up in a coma before everything had gone downhill. 

“I can’t even imagine that,” you said. “Waking up in this world. You must have thought you were in a nightmare.”

“I didn’t know what to think. I just knew that I had to find Lori and Carl. We talked about how bad Atlanta was, but without me going into that city on that day, Glenn never would have found me. He brought me home to my family.” 

“Damn, that is incredibly lucky,” you said, leaning against the railing of the porch.

“Not so much luck followed,” he said. “We’ve been through a lot since then.”

“And yet, you still made it to the infamous safe zone,” you said brightly. 

“Yeah, I did. I made it to you,” Rick said plainly and you gasped slightly, not expecting those words at all. 

“Rick,” you began but he shook his head, taking your hands in his. 

“I’ve never believed in fate,” he said. 

“I remember,” you whispered. 

“I can’t ignore this sign. I won’t. Not after everything that we have both been through. I mean, they do say that first love dies last,” he said, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of your hand. 

“They do say that, don’t they?” you responded. 

“You always did feel like comin’ home, (Y/N),” Rick admitted. 

“Does this mean you’re gonna stay?” you asked, eager for his answer. 

“Maybe, but with you, I have a lot of incentive now.”

“It doesn’t matter,” you said, pulling him closer to you. “Walls or not, I am not going to let you go after we just found each other again. Home is more than a place, you know?”

“Ain’t that the truth,” he drawled, causing you to blush. “Ah, just like old times.”

“Indeed, Cowboy, indeed,” you said as you pulled him in for a kiss. It was subtle and gentle, but you have never felt more alive. Rick kissed you back, his hand coming up to tighten on the back of your neck as he once did all those years ago. When he pulled back, he grinned at you. 

“Well, wasn’t that quite the welcome wagon,” he joked and with a roll of your eyes, you pulled him back in. Behind you, the party was completely forgotten.

TAGS: @thanossexual​ @yes-sir-hotchner​  @felicisimor

[ultimatebethylficlist]

Veteran Author of The Month: September 2021

The featured veteran author for September is a well-known and beloved name in the fandom, @rckyfrk !

Rckyfrk can be found on AO3 and FFN under the same penname.

When asked what got her into Bethyl and what the fandom means to her, she said:

I did not start watching TWD until late into Season 3. I don’t do well with horror. My husband would watch and I would just read a book in our bedroom or something. Well, one fateful night, I needed to get some work done on my laptop and didn’t feel like sitting in bed to get it finished, so I just stayed in the living room (our house was teeny tiny - there weren’t a lot of other places to go), and I turned so I wasn’t looking at the TV, plugged in my headphones, and got to work. Well, I glanced over and there was the wonder that is Daryl Dixon gracing my screen. I was instantly intrigued. (I believe my exact words were, “Who is that? What is he...DON’T DO THAT THERE’S ZOMBIES THERE!” and I was instantly hooked. Dammit. I found that as long as I could watch some of the behind the scenes stuff on how they make the walkers, it took some of the horror out of it and I could just focus on the artistry of all the makeup and stuff. Season 4 premiere, we had some friends come over for a “watching party,” (remember those?) and I was actually up getting refills for everyone (being the good hostess that I am) so I completely missed the hug in Beth’s cell and when I came back into the room, NO ONE THOUGHT THAT WAS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO TELL ME ABOUT. (I thought they were my friends…) So I really didn’t start *shipping* Bethyl until “Alone.” I mean, I saw how close they were getting during “Still,” but I guess I didn’t realize what I was really seeing, you know? (Keep in mind, I was still a relatively new fan and had missed most of Season 3 and THE HUG.) Anyway, I couldn’t stand waiting for the next week to find out what happened to Beth, and thus began the ONLY time I have EVER looked for spoilers. That’s how I happened upon this crazy thing called “fan fiction,” (I honestly had never known such a thing existed before that fateful search.) I got to know some of the Bethyl writers, and someone suggested joining tumblr and writing my own stories, and the rest is history. Bethyl is the only pairing I’ve actually, actively shipped, before or after. The only two characters I’ve invested time in. The only two I’ve cried over (just ask @jbird9...hubs has seen me go through all kinds of emotions over these two). My boys can identify Beth and Daryl (they’ve NEVER seen an episode, not even a commercial for TWD, but recognize them from pics I’ve shown them.) The Bethyl fandom has brought me to meet some wonderful people, who probably know me better than members of my actual family. This fandom has been such a bright spot in my life, and has been so supportive even when the well has been dry for years (at least as far as new content from the show). I love you guys.

For her personal fic rec list, she recommends:

(Ugh. I’m really hesitant to come up with personal lists because I’ve read SO MANY WONDERFUL STORIES and I don’t want to leave any of them out, but I also know my brain and I’m not always the best at recalling names and places when I need to. I do want to give some love to:)

@gneebee [AO3] Love’s Highway and One Cold Night live in my head rent free

@piper1016 (basically anything she’s written) [AO3]

@inkinmytea (Audriss) [AO3] especially By Any Other Name

These ladies have been super supportive of my writing, and I can’t thank them enough.

I also really miss Pussyfoot by SaraiVe

is this how you say hello (in the zombie apocalypse) by the queen conquers (dastardly_dame)

Also, @leftmywingshome [AO3]

and @majicmarker​ [AO3] who not only write amazing Bethyl stories, but have their own original work published, all of which I strongly recommend reading.

There’s about a gazillion other stories that I’d like to recommend, but we’d be here all day if I listed them all. PLEASE don’t feel left out or disheartened if I didn’t pull your name from the deep recesses of my brain. I swear I’m not doing it on purpose. There are so many gifted writers in this fandom - we are SO lucky! - and I truly do appreciate @ultimatebethylficlist​ for recognizing the veterans and newbies equally.

Rckyfrk’s Works & Personal Thoughts:

Lady in Red and Man in Black Summary: It's finally the big day, Maggie and Glenn's wedding day. Beth is maid of honor, Daryl is the best man. - This started as a one-shot/prompt for Bethyl Week on Tumblr, but has evolved into becoming a full-sized story. Thoughts: I miss these babies. I had to take a break to try and get Terms and Conditions going because they are so drastically different from it, but now it’s been so long I almost have to get T & C out of my system before I can get my head back in the syrupy sweetness. Lady in Red started as a prompt (technically two) WAY back in the day. We’re talking back in the summer of 2014. The first two chapters received such a supportive response that it took on a life of its own, but it was solely from Beth’s POV, and I had Daryl in my head basically screaming to be heard, so Man in Black made its way in. The goal is to get MiB caught up with LiR, then write them simultaneously (mainly so no one knows what will be coming next and the reader gets to decide which “side” to read first).

Terms and Conditions Summary: It was Beth's first time in Atlanta by herself when the world decided to end. When she lost her way home, she winds up meeting a crossbow-toting man with steel blue eyes and a smile that gives her chills. This is not your typical Bethyl story - imagine if Daryl were more like Merle. Thoughts: I think this is the darkest thing I’ve written (and really, it’s not even that dark). I had this idea in my head for Daryl to be a lot more like Merle and all these little scenarios kept popping into my head of Beth “taming the beast,” and having them slowly fall in love despite how they met and him being a total jerk - at least in the beginning. I think there’s only going to be a couple more chapters of this one, I just need to buckle down and write them. Maybe that’s why I’m dragging my feet to do it. 

And once upon a time, I was writing a non-Bethyl story called “Summer of Learning,” which is actually kind of misleading. Back to that summer of 2014, where I was going through some fandom drama and was about to give up writing and tumblr all together when this group of Norman fans (we called ourselves his Harem...I miss you @basswipe and @unicorns-and-myblacksoul) came along and included me into their shenanigans. Anyway, they gave me the prompt “Imagine Sean Patrick Flanery is your dad’s best friend and teaches you everything there is to know about sex.” In the story, the main character’s parents are Norman and Emily, so it’s...Bethyl adjacent?

[twdmusicboxmystery]

11x02: Acheron, Part 2 - Analysis

Okay, let’s talk 11x02. And 11x01. Because it’s a two-part episode, it’s important to consider them together. I have a LOT to say about what’s going on in these two episodes, so I’ll have plenty to post all week. Let’s dive in!

***As always, spoilers abound below for TWD 11x02. Don’t read until you’ve watched! You’ve been warned!***

Maggie

The first thing we see is a point of view from under the train car. The instant I saw that, I knew how things would go. I never thought Maggie would die (if nothing else, there are scenes with her in the trailer we haven’t seen yet) but I was curious as to how she would survive. When I saw this POV, I knew she’d end up crawling under the train. Just as Glenn crawled under the dumpster. Massive parallels to Glenn. Which by extension, massive parallels to Beth. Major resurrection theme.

It's also important that when she reappears, she comes from underneath the car. Obviously, that’s logical given that she crawled underneath the car, but they make a point of asking if the pounding is coming from the roof. Gabriel says no and then they open the bottom hatch for her. Her coming up from the ground like that is a visual representation of a resurrection.

So we see Gabriel, Negan and the others enter the train car. The spatial details here are important, and I had to watch the episode twice to get them all straight. It’s a little confusing the first time. So, the group jumps down into the train car through a hatch in the roof because they couldn’t get the door open in the last episode. The thing is, if you watch closely, you come to realize they’re not in the train car on the end. They must have walked along the roof for two or three cars before finding a hatch that let them in.

So, when Gauge shows up, he comes behind them, and that confused me because I was thinking they came from that direction. And they did, but they entered through the roof, not the door. Anyway, they can’t get the door open. So honestly, even if they’d tried harder, I’m not sure they could have saved him.

This scene accomplished a lot of things, character-wise, that we need to touch on. It’s important to note that Gauge’s death happened due to his own choices. Does that mean he “deserved” to die or that they shouldn’t have tried to save him if they could have? Of course not. No on both counts. But that doesn’t change the fact that his choices sealed his fate.

It's especially interesting that he called Maggie a Liar. Not only is that a throwback to the Governor, but it’s a particular type of mentality they’re showing here. Even the fact that he didn’t shut the door behind him is really interesting. My first thought was to be annoyed with him. Why WOULDN’T you shut the door. You live in this world. You know better. But it’s all ego. He can’t imagine something bad will happen. He just assumes if it does, someone will save him.

But the most telling thing was how angry he got before saying Liar. It just shows very much how he approaches life. When he messes up, he doesn’t feel bad, and accept that it was his fault, and try to learn from it. No, instead he gets pissed and blames everyone but himself and his own actions.

If this had been Daryl or Gabriel or Alden or any of our other heroes, they would have recognized that opening the door would have gotten their friends and family killed and would have sacrificed themselves. Especially if they realized they’d screwed up. But Gauge became angry and defiant, even killing himself.

Anyway, I’m rambling. This really has nothing to do with Beth or TD other than perhaps being a future template for something. But I thought it was a really fascinating character sketch.

The thing is, this isn’t really a matter of Gauge being wrong and everyone else being right.

Maggie is…not doing so well either. As I told my fellow theorists, Paola Lazaro said in TTD last week that Maggie was kind of off the rails. I think she said that a little prematurely, because we really didn’t understand Maggie’s state of mind just by watching 10x17 and 11x01.

It's not until she tells that messed up story about the house she found and the people in it that we understand that her state of mind really isn’t at its healthiest. Even saying she wanted to kill Negan before is…understandable given their past. But it makes more sense now why Negan is so nervous. He’s sensing her state of mind that her moral conscience isn’t as strong as it once was, so of course he’s fearful for his life.

I don’t know where they’re going with this Maggie story line, but I have a feeling this attitude of hers will cause conflict down the road. Several of my fellow theorists believe it will cause a rift between her and Daryl. And we can see that somewhat through Alden. At first, he was very much defending Maggie, especially against Negan. He has a lot of loyalty to her. But he didn’t like her abandoning Gauge, and you can see his loyalties starting to waver.

At the very least, what she said about not feeling anything about it is the opposite of what Beth always stood for. Daryl was trying hard not to feel things during Still, in the wake of the prison going down. She made him feel things because that’s the only way a person is truly living, rather than just surviving. Now Maggie is in that state of mind.

And I’m gonna argue that makes it a prime time for Beth to return to help her. But of course I’m completely objective over here. ;D

Maggie’s Story:

Maggie’s story was definitely dark and horrible, but interesting to analyze. I’m assuming there was cannibalism going on there. That’s why the missing limbs. The men in the house were eating the female prisoners. No only a callback to Terminus, but remember that Bob’s leg was taken for food, so I’m sure that’s what we’re supposed to infer here.

She talked about no eyes, no tongue, no limbs, vocal cords ripped out. So definitely the see no evil, speak no evil themes. With the limbs, it’s also a matter of not being able to escape or save themselves.

In terms of the plot, I do have one question about this that I think may be significant. Maggie first talks about three deformed people (she says, “I wouldn’t call them men”) coming toward her. She kills them, and only after that hears the noise from the attic.

My question is, why were they deformed? If they’re “men,” then they must be at least Maggie’s age, if not older, which means they’ve been around since before the apocalypse began. Even eating human flesh doesn’t cause one to become deformed, so why the deformities? I have no idea, but I wondered if there is a radiation theme going on here. Something they’re hinting at, but not saying. Just thought that was intriguing.

After that, things go sideways and everyone almost dies until Daryl arrives to save the day. So, let’s skip to his story.

Daryl:

We first see him bust through a wall with Dog. So, dog took off in the last episode, but the first time we see Daryl, he’s already found Dog again. At least, the first time. This is where he sees the murals on the wall, the walker with the handcuff and the suitcase of money, etc. I already talked about most of that in great detail HERE, so I won’t rehash it, though it’s very important.

One thing I will say about the mural is that thematically, it’s a match to Still. So, in the golf club, we had lots of rich people who clearly hid there when the world first went bad. And I don’t remember this particularly, but several of my fellow theorists have told me they remember the TTD after Still and that the writers talked about how the golf club was a statement about the class system. You have these very rich people, but their wealth couldn’t save them. Death, walkers, the apocalypse…none of these things discriminate based on wealth or position.

On the wall, we see people with crowns standing at the top, but below, they are homeless, and one of them is being attacked and torn apart. Meanwhile, Daryl sees a line of text that says, “it comes for us all,” probably meaning death.

Well, guess what? Angela Kang, in talking about the murals, said that this, too, was a statement about the class system. So thematically, this is meant to be a parallel to Still.

It’s just interesting to contemplate because if you think about it, most of our heros—Rick, Daryl, the Greene family, etc—weren’t at all wealthy. Rick was humble and well-grounded. Hershel worked hard his whole life and never had any glory or fanfare. And then there’s Daryl, who was “nothing. No one.” They all survived.

So of course it’s a socioeconomic statement, but it’s also one about mindset. It takes not only grit to survive this world, but a certain amount of humility. Ego always gets you killed eventually, as it did with Gauge.

I’ll also mention that I thought the guy with the crown who was being torn apart was being set upon by walkers, but AK says they’re specifically not walkers. They’re people.

So, it’s not a coincidence that we see this juxtaposed with the Gauge situation. His ego gets him killed and we literally see him being torn apart because of it.

Moving on.

Daryl finds a bag with a $100 bill with a letter written on it. This is a massive TD clue from start to finish. 100 is an important number. The hundred dollar bill features Benjamin Franklin on the front and Independence Hall on the back. Look either of those up and you’ll find lots of fun parallels we could point to. I won’t go into all that today except to say it’s definitely part of the Revolution theme.

This is what’s written on the bill Daryl finds:

“Dear Dad, you always said if you don’t come back in a week to move on. Mom didn’t listen and went looking. It’s been three weeks, so we’re going next. I’ll watch Jesse and turn on the radio every day at 10. See you both soon. Love Tom and Jesse.”

He also finds a picture of two kids. So, the “three weeks” jumps out because of Rick’s line in 5x10, “it’s been three weeks since Atlanta.” It’s also about missing family members, going searching for them, etc. Possibly important that the mom is also missing. I can’t help but think of the song from Still. “Our mother has been absent, every since we founded Rome…”

There is a 10 in there, which is an important number. The turning the radio on every day is both the radio/airwaves theme (also a line from the song) but a callback to Rick and Morgan and their walkie talkies. So, really interesting symbols here.

The two kids immediately reminded me of Noah’s twin brothers. I don’t think these two are supposed to be twins. I’m assuming the brother is older. But still obviously siblings. And it hearkens back to the last episode Beth was technically in. Which also had a lot of the CRM/Revolution theme in it. (X, X).

AK says this family probably didn’t make it, so I’m not expecting these kids to show up in the narrative. But it’s also important to note that the little girl is carrying the toy rabbit Maggie found earlier. So the rabbit also ties into all this symbolism. (P.S. I didn’t get to my rabbit post last week. I planned on it, but time got away from me. I should get it posted later this week.)

So, this is massive in terms of TD symbolism. I’ll talk about it fits into the bigger narrative in a minute.

Then Daryl kills the sleeping bag walker. I wasn’t sure the significance of this at first, but I think it ties to the tents and sleeping bags we saw in Atlanta in 5x06, Consumed. Daryl and Carol passed them while looking for Beth. So, this just shows us that this is tied to her storyline and Daryl searching for her.

You could also argue that the walker was “hidden” at first, and it’s significant that Dog found it/realized it was there before Daryl did. 

The other thing is that as he’s looking at the sleeping bag walker, there’s a random shoe on the ground next to it. Missing Shoe/Foot theory, which is also indicative of Beth. 

They hear another roaring sound and Dog takes off, running into the dark tunnel.

Here’s the thing. I think most people will assume the roar he heard was just more air being forced through the tunnels by the storm, as Alden explained it in ep 1. But I always watch with the subtitles on and I noticed at this part, the subtitles said, “Man Roaring.” So they actually did hear someone screaming. And that’s probably why Dog ran toward it.

After watching it again, I realized it’s probably supposed to be Roy. He’s the white-haired guy, played by C. Thomas Howell, who Daryl finds wounded after he emerges from the Tunnel. I think whatever happened to him when he went topside but then got attacked by walkers is what Dog heard and went running toward.

Maybe not terribly significant in the plot, but it’s important symbolically. Because once again we have something Daryl hears from a distance but doesn’t see. Dog (a proxy for Beth) runs toward it, and Daryl follows. When he does, he find someone who had previously separated from the group. They’re hurt, but alive. See the parallels?

I will say the Roy situation confuses me just a little. He’s clearly hurt, and when Daryl tries to bandage him, he refuses, saying, “just tell my kids I didn’t die a coward.” But then later he’s with the group, all bandaged up, and seems to be okay. (He dies when they reach the Reapers by taking an arrow to the head, so he still dies overall.) But it’s just weird that it seemed he would die, then seemed he was fine again.

It may well be something that foreshadows a future situation, and that’s why it’s not making tons of sense right now. Only time will tell.

Anyway, I kind of glossed over Daryl crawling through the dark tunnel. I don’t have much else to say about it except that it’s a SUPER potent symbol for Beth’s arc and very important that he emerges on the other side and finds this person. Annnd then goes to save TF. (Dark Tunnel Symbolism).

So, he hears the gunshots and finds the train they’re on. He comes up behind the walkers attacking them from the front, kills them, moves the bench blocking the door, and lets everyone through. Then he uses a grenade to blow up all the walkers. (Ew.)

After that they all get out of the tunnels and go topside. The next scene is also super important. We see the stars above. That’s partly to show that the storm has passed now, but also constellations = Sirius.

Maggie asks what he has and he tells her about it. There is one weird moment in this scene. When she tells them about the supply depot she wants to stop at, she says Georgie (from S8) set it up for emergencies, for people on the outside to use. When it says this, the camera focuses on Daryl for a LONG moment, and he looks almost sad. I’m not sure what they’re trying to tell us there.

Anyway, they all head out. Unfortunately, when they reach the right neighborhood, the Reapers are there to meet/kill them. And Roy is the first to go.

So, a couple of things here. I’ll probably do a details post because I’m leaving out MOST of the background details throughout the episode, and there are a lot of them. Lots of details to be gleaned in this scene.

But the second time I watched it, I was struck by the people hanging upside down. Obviously a grim sight, but it occurred to me that these people hanging this way look a LOT like the deer diagrams from Scars. Let me show you some pictures:

Top pick is 11x02. Middle and bottom one are from Scars.

See what I mean? So, chances are something about Scars foreshadowed the Reapers, which is interesting. They clearly see human beings in a certain way (as animals to be strung up and…perhaps eaten?) And that makes me think that what Maggie found in that house may tie into the Reapers as well. Just kind of interesting foreshadows of coming plots.

Eugene:

Let’s talk Eugene and then I’ll shut up for today. Eugene’s stuff was very intriguing. First thing you need to know. And understand, I didn’t know this. @wdway​ pointed it out. Some months ago, the actress cast as “Stephanie” was announced. This is her:

And that’s clearly not the woman who steps into the train car at the end. Which means this isn’t really Stephanie. She’s a decoy. In fact, the actress from this episode is billed on IMDb as “woman 2,” not as “Stephanie.”

Knowing that, if you go back and re-watch the parts with Eugene’s group, they mean something very different.

On the surface, it seems that Zeke, Yumiko and Princess are taken away in a sinister fashion. Then Eugene melts down and tells his story. (Note: while he focuses on his feelings for Stephanie and I think most of that is true, he still says he lied both to her and to his friends about being from a large settlement. So, he’s still keeping large chunks of the truth from them.)

Again, on the surface it seems that they accept his explanation and just decide to allow them all in. All the stuff with the other three is just a misunderstanding.

But if “Stephanie” is a decoy, that can’t possibly be the case. I think Zeke and the others told Eugene the truth as they know it, but they’re all still being manipulated.

After Princess left to pee, the guy told Eugene no one was in the room and acted like he had no idea who Princess was. They were definitely using psychological torture on him, trying to break him.

I think they know very well that Eugene's group is still lying about their settlement, and they're using a decoy "Stephanie" to find out the truth.

My point is that it goes back to the hallucination, making-someone-think-they're-crazy theme. It will be really interesting to see how this unfolds, because there's all kinds of psychological shenanigans going on here.

@galadrieljones​ made a really interesting connection some time ago. She noticed that back in 10x18, at Leah’s cabin, there is a metal, heart-shaped chair. The same chairs show up in the Commonwealth’s sales video from the trailer. So there’s some kind of link between Leah, Daryl’s memory of her, and the Commonwealth. We don’t know what it is yet, but all of this gives credence to the idea that she is either an outright hallucination, or Daryl is just remembering things wrong.

It also might mean that the Reapers are connected to the Commonwealth in some way. We don’t really know yet, but I’m having tons of fun trying to figure it out.

I want to touch briefly on the train car theme. Once again, there’s a parallel in both story lines (Terminus, and this one at the Commonwealth). Daryl’s group is in train cars this episode. And while Eugene’s group has been at a different compound, they started in the train yard and end in it here. But what I noticed is that Eugene enters the train car at the end, which is furnished inside, and finds his friends there. They all have a happy reunion.

It made me think of the fact that when Rick, Daryl, Michonne, and Carl enter the train cars at Terminus, there is also a family reunion. What happened beyond that was not good or easy. Clearly, Terminus was not a good place. Many of them almost died at the trough and they had to fight their way out through a walker blood bath.

I’m just saying that, while it obviously won’t play out exactly the same way, something similar is probably waiting for Eugene’s group outside that train car. Not good.

Acheron Overall:

Okay, let’s get to the big cheese, here. The overall narrative. The template.

These two episodes are called Acheron part 1 and part 2. So here’s the skinny:

Acheron = Underworld. Daryl’s group going into the subway tunnels (dark, underground) is what constitutes Acheron and why the episodes are called that. That’s why, at the end of this episode, they emerge from the tunnels onto the surface (i.e. the living world).

Given all the death, cemetery, and dark tunnel symbolism around Beth, given that she ventured into the land of the dead by being shot, maybe clinically dying for a time, and being thought dead for so long, what this tells me is that everything that happens in these tunnels is a foreshadow and template for what will happen this season.

I maintain that Dog = Beth and we will soon see something where Daryl hears something (not necessarily her; it was a man screaming so I still think it will be Rick he hears word of) and goes chasing after it. While searching for it, he stumbles across Beth. Then the two of them (both Dog and Daryl returned to the train car) go back in time to save TF from something.

This is most likely why the Roy thing is weird. In a super understated way, he represents Rick in the template. Daryl will find him, but only after he finds Beth. Even consider what Roy says. He says, “tell my kids I didn’t die a coward.” And that’s all well and good, but did we even know Roy had kids? No. Have we met them? No. But who has kids that Daryl IS concerned with? That would be Rick.

So I’m thinking that maybe when Daryl finds Rick, Rick will think he’s dying for some reason, and that’s why the dialogue here. But he won’t, which is why we see Roy with the group later.

And no, I’m not thinking that Roy dying via the Reapers will extend to Rick. It’s more like what they’ve done with countless characters that have been Beth proxies. Eventually, they kill them off. He’s a minor character they were using as a proxy, and when they are done with him in the narrative, he becomes walker chow. Or, in this case, Reaper fodder.

Anyway, I think everything will end up being a foreshadow for something. Maggie and Negan. The Gauge situation. All of it. I’ll try to keep coming back to this as the story progresses to show what everything foreshadows. I’ll stop there for today.

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

U N P L A N N E D, part seventeen

You weren’t sure how to feel. You were confused and upset and angry. And at the end of the day, Harry storming out of the house only felt like it confirmed your fears: he would leave. 

He did, right?

He left, even if he came back and shut himself in his office. He left, even if he popped out only when Jane cried, before you could wave him off and say you could handle whatever it was and didn’t need his help.

But the bottom line was that your emotions came out and that scared him away. You tried to hold it back and you tried to avoid the conversation because no matter how hard you tried, you didn’t see a world where the ending of that scene would look any different.

A few days later and things had settled down, he cooled off and you gave each other enough space when you passed in the hallway or sat on the couch at night and watched the news. Things felt tense inside the house and outside, too. 

Which is why, four days later, you were sat uncomfortably in a chair next to Glenne in some restaurant in Hollywood. 

“This is the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever done.”

“Oh stop,” she waved you off, a full 180 from the Glenne you once knew. 

She didn’t seem to completely understand what you were saying. Your eyes trailed down the table, Lexi was busy chatting with a girl you’d met a few times. The band was there, Jeff, other faces and names that offered hugs and hellos as if you’d been around the whole time. 

But that wasn’t what made you uncomfortable.

“Oh,” Glenne’s mouth set in a firm line when she saw what you saw. She leaned in and let her voice drop lower. “She worked on the album, I think, helped write a song or two.”

“I don’t care,” you lied, picked up the drink in front of you and took a sip through the black straw. Another gulp, maybe you could ease the knots in your stomach with more alcohol. 

He’d been nice leading up to this, said he liked your dress when you sat awkwardly in the car on the drive here. He got Jane bathed and dressed when you got ready, passed her off to your mom for the night after she made the drive down from Santa Paula. 

But his arm was slung around the back of her chair now, he nodded and smiled when she said something funny, leaned in to hear her over the noise of the restaurant as if they were old friends.

Glenne sipped her own drink, kept her eyes focused on the two of them, just like you. “She’s nice, she’s not someone you need to worry about.”

“It’s fine,” you shrugged, hopefully more convincing this time. “We’re not together--he can do what he wants.”

She turned to look at you, her eyebrows arched when she held her straw between her fingers and took a pull. “Right,” she laughed. 

“I mean it, Glenne.”

“What do you mean?” Jeff materialized behind you both, pulled out his chair on the other side of his girlfriend and rejoined the table.

“Y/N’s just going on about how her and Harry aren’t together,” Glenne looked up at Jeff, offered him a sweet smile when he bent down to kiss her on the head. 

Jeff laughed at this, smiled over at you and placed his napkin on his lap. “But like, you’re not not together, right?”

“We’re just not together. One ‘not.’ It’s not a thing.”

They both looked at you, straight-faced and expectant, like suddenly you’d let out a laugh and admit this was all a silly joke. “What?” You asked.

“Nothing,” Jeff shrugged. “Just, I thought things were going well.”

“Oh my god,” you rolled your eyes at his words, thankful to feel more comfortable having an honest conversation with both of them. “Things can be going well and that still doesn’t mean we’re together.”

“Yeah, but, things were, like, all sweet and cute after she was born and--”

You cut Jeff off, held up a hand to avoid having the same conversation with Glenne from the other night. “Our focus is Jane.”

He nodded, shrugged as if to imply that yes, of course it was. 

Somehow, miraculously, Lexi decided it was time to hop into the conversation, too. She turned around beside you, smiled when she saw that you’d all been congregating right beside her. With a grin on her face; “hi, what’s up?”

“Y/N and Harry are being weird again,” Jeff laughed a little before you offered him a narrowed glare. 

“What? Why?” Lexi pulled her head back as if this was the craziest thing she’d ever heard.

“Since when do all of you like to team up against me? Didn’t all of you used to think that this was a bad idea?”

“Not me,” Lexi held her hands up to show innocence. 

“Okay, fine,” you corrected. “You two did, though.”

Jeff and Glenne looked at each other and smiled a bit. Maybe the alcohol had gotten to them. Maybe everyone was just relaxed and enjoying the birthday celebrations. 

“Opinions change,” was all Jeff offered.

You rolled your eyes. “Okay, well, mine hasn’t. It’s not happening.”

“Because you’re afraid?” Lexi’s words caught you off guard. You turned to eye her, gave some sort of we’re not doing this here look.

“Stop,” was all you said.

“What?” She laughed. “You know I’m right.”

“Let’s just not.”

“Oh come on, Y/N. I love you, but you’re getting in your own way.”

You picked up your drink and took a sip, hoping that it’d be enough of an excuse to relieve you of having to answer. 

Jeff offered a hesitant smile, like it pained him to admit it: “she’s right.”

“This is not a good place for us to have this conversation,” you said, their suddenly strong opinions crashed over you like a tidal wave. What happened to not letting things get messy? What happened to following the rules like they’d wanted and staying out of trouble?

Lexi mowed over your statement. “You’re afraid, which is fine, but don’t make us pretend that we don’t see through it.”

“Alright, I’m not doing this.” You pushed your seat back from the table to leave. 

“Doing what?” Lexi asked, more frustrated with you.

“Lexi,” Glenne reached out a hand to settle her. “Let it go.”

“Oh so I’m the only one who can be honest with her?”

“Being honest isn’t license to be a dick,” you said.

She rolled her eyes at that and let her hands drop to her lap. “Fine, whatever.”

You reached for your purse and offered Glenne and Jeff a smile. “I’ll see you guys later.”

They didn’t chase after you, they let you slip out to the parking lot, call an uber, and stand there by yourself atop the asphalt and hurt feelings. 

As if Lexi hadn’t been enough, Harry stepped out to the hidden back alley after a few minutes. 

“Hi,” he said, looking you up and down. “Y’heading out?”

“Yeah,” you offered a smile. “I’m just tired, but, I’m fine.”

Quiet for a second when he hesitated, unsure if he should let you go and unsure if he had the right to stop you. “I saw your mom’s text.”

“Yeah, she’s been asleep for a while, no issues.”

“S’good.”

“Yeah.”

A pause in the night air, he shifted his weight on his feet and for a second, you thought he’d ask you to stay. 

“You don’t have to wait here with me,” you told him, clicked your phone to life to see the driver’s ETA. “I called an uber, should be here in three minutes.”

He nodded, shoved his hands in his pockets. “Okay, yeah, I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Yep,” you nodded, smiled when he turned on his heel and let the door to the swanky restaurant close behind him. He was already gone, but you whispered it anyway. “Happy birthday.”

**

He said he loved the goofy apron you bought him, simple and blue, the word DAD was etched on the front. You signed the card from both of you, left it on the counter that night when you got home. He found it sometime when he keyed in late and brought it up the next day. 

But it wasn’t as awkward as walking into the tiny room somewhere in Burbank a almost two weeks later. Jane was in the carseat on the floor and a woman with short brown hair smiled after you handed her back the paperwork you signed. 

“So--you said on the phone that you’ve been struggling with anxiety?”

You gave her an unsure nod, shouldn’t she be telling you whether or not that was the case?

“And who’s this?”

“Jane--she should sleep the whole time, I think.”

She smiled. Cassie, a therapist who’s profile came up when Glenne lovingly sent you the link to a website search for therapists. She was young enough, smiled down at Jane and sat back in her chair once she set the clipboard on her desk behind her. 

“How old is she?”

“Six weeks.”

She held a hand to her heart and smiled. “How’s that been going?”

You told her about the start of it all, that night at Harry’s and the anxiety that settled in your bones in the Facebook bathroom when you saw the first tiny plus sign. She managed to keep a straight face when you name dropped Jane’s father, a good sign. Or maybe she thought you were crazy and making it up. Either way, you spent the first session just catching her up on the last nine months.

Before that, your life had been quiet. Sure, maybe some unresolved feelings around your parents or tough times in high school like the rest of the world. But whatever lurked beneath the surface had never been shaken up so much until now, like a snowglobe knocked from its shelf, typically settled pieces now swirling in the air around you with no hope of slowing down.

The second session the next week was similar, but that’s when she pushed a little harder. 

“But things are totally fine with Harry?”

You nodded. “Yeah--I mean, like I told you last week things were kind of messy for a bit, but they’re fine now.”

“You mentioned that you fought with him recently?”

This time Jane wasn’t there to be a distraction. You lied this morning and told Harry you were meeting Lexi for a coffee, but the truth was that you hadn’t spoken to her since his birthday. He promised he’d take her for a walk and put on a new onesie if she threw up on herself. Leaving her was easier now, he seemed more confident in his ability to handle the things that might go wrong. 

But now you wished she was buckled in beside you, an excuse to change the topic or leave the room to change her diaper.

“I guess we fought--he was upset, I was upset.”

“What did you fight about?

“He uh--I guess he thinks we could be good together.”

“And you don’t?”

You shrugged, took a breath and looked around the room. How were you supposed to explain your thoughts to a woman you’d met twice? “I don’t know.”

She eyed you for a minute, the small smile on her face let you know she wanted more.

“I do have feelings for him, I guess.”

“You do?”

Another hesitant nod. “I think just cause of Jane, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, at first I swore it was just the hormones and you know--feeling like we had some weird bond.”

She smiled a little, understanding and encouraging. “You do have a bond.”

“I know, but--I just mean at first it felt like there was something there.”

“But it doesn’t now?”

You dropped her gaze at that. No--it wasn’t not there. “I guess my thought process is that it’s just too risky now.”

“What is?”

“Being with him, like, as a couple.”

“How so?”

You sighed--the questions were fair but you already felt exhausted. 

“None of this was planned--for a while it felt like he was only being nice to me cause he got me knocked up. He kind of had to be nice to me.”

“Do you really think that’s true? Do you think he would do that?”

“He’s a nice person,” you shrugged.

“But do you think he would ask you to move in and spend so much time with you and your family if he didn’t actually want to do those things?”

“I mean--no, I guess I only thought that for the first few weeks.”

She nodded thoughtfully, waited to see if you’d add any more. When you didn’t, she parted her lips to speak. “When did you realize he wasn’t just being nice to be nice?”

You thought back on the months you’d spent with him. The time you went to the beach and had a picnic, the nights at his house when he’d make dinner and when the panic that lurked in your tummy about the future felt like it had vanished. 

“I guess when we started spending more time together and I actually got to know him.”

Another nod. “So you were nervous at first, which makes sense to me. Do you still fear that that’s true?”

You already had the answer, it sat on your tongue and felt like it’d spill out any second. You glanced around the room, out the window to the sunny streets and wondered what would change if you admitted it.

“I know he won’t leave. I know he won’t just up and never speak to me--to us--again.” 

She waited for you to say more. 

“But why would he want to be with me? Why--out of all the people he could be with--would he pick the girl who got pregnant with his kid?”

She challenged this, a slight smirk on her face. “He might actually have feelings for you, you know.”

You made a face, shifted in your seat as if to send the message that it was impossible.

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Her words were quiet, a sudden shift in the air in the room as if in any second, rain would pour from the ceiling or a wind would sweep her papers off the desk in the corner. Like everything in the world was hinging on the secret about to fall from your lips.

“People don’t stay in my life.”

She frowned at that, aware that she’d actually gotten something out of you now.

“Like who?”

“My last boyfriend, my dad--” the tears that welled in your eyes cut you off, you swallowed the emotion and wiped quickly, embarrassed to be crying in front of someone you’d only met twice.

“You said your parents got divorced when you were little?”

You nodded. “I don’t want Jane to grow up like I did.”

“Who says she will?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “But if him and I are together--if I let that happen--then he can leave, but he can’t leave me and hurt me or us if we’re not together.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Yes he can.”

“What?”

“Whether you’re actually in a relationship with him or not won’t change the emotions you have for him. It’ll still hurt if he leaves or backs out, even if you’re not romantically involved.”

You stared at her for a second, confused by her bluntness. Weren’t therapists supposed to make you feel better?

“I guess.”

She could read the look on your face and offered a small smile. “I’m not trying to freak you out--it just seems like you already love him, so it sounds like it would hurt either way.”

You didn’t reply. You took in a shaky breath of air when you tried to wipe at your cheeks and gain composure.

“It makes a lot of sense that you don’t want the same thing to happen to Jane, but you’ve been telling yourself that it will when you don’t know that. Sometimes when we try to avoid the past really hard we just recreate it.”

**

You took a few days to let it all sink in. You folded laundry and changed diapers and you took Jane on a walk near the beach with sunglasses and a hat. You never imagined that you’d need a disguise, too.

You’d settled back into a routine of climbing the stairs separately, his footsteps down the hall felt more weighted now with the insight you’d discovered in Cassie’s office. 

You tried to take space, not get too overwhelmed by the growing knowledge that you loved him, hopelessly and helplessly. You tried to tuck it away in a drawer beneath your sweaters, like somehow if you kept it out of sight it wasn’t true. 

But the world didn’t want to make it so easy. 

Your mom called and reminded that your upcoming birthday was the perfect excuse to have another party--one that more of your family could come to, a bigger and more public event than the quiet shower you’d kept under wraps. 

They were dying to meet Jane and she was dying to show off her granddaughter to the rest of the family and her friends back home. When you floated the idea to Harry of bringing Jane home with you for a long weekend, his brows furrowed.

“Without me?”

Jane was strapped to his chest at the kitchen counter, he was obsessed with the new wrap you’d gotten online and now he barely took it off. She kicked her legs against his abdomen.

“I mean--I figured we’d just get out of your hair for a while, some space--” you trailed off.

He let out a huff of air and dropped your gaze. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know, I just--”

“But you’re doing it anyway?”

“Do you really not want me to go see my own family for my birthday?”

“Why can’t I come?”

“I didn’t know you’d want to,” you eyed him skeptically, smiled at Jane when she made eye contact with you and then started to whine. 

“I mean, yeah,” he said it quietly. “I’d like to.”

He offered to drive and a week later you were leaning into the backseat to adjust the toy rattle that hung from Jane’s car seat when he changed lanes on the 101. You’d already briefed him on the players: Aunt Lisa and uncle Melvin. Aunt Melissa and Uncle Mike. Your cousins Cassie, Eric and his boyfriend Tim, Shayna. Cousin Ryan and his wife Sam, their daughter Paige. Your mom’s best friend Tammy and her husband Bill. Their son, Luke.

“I’ll never remember all these people.”

“I don’t expect you to,” you laughed a little. “All you need to know is that Ryan and Sam are super sweet, everyone else is fine. Uncle Mel is a little too Republican for my taste, but, that’s just me. Oh, and Luke was my high school boyfriend. So some people might make comments about that, but it’s fine.”

He looked over to you from behind his sunglasses. “What do you mean?”

You shrugged. “We dated--we were like, sixteen.”

“How long did you date for?”

“I don’t know, like almost three years?”

“Almost three years?!”

“It was forever ago,” you tried to downplay it. You didn’t expect the reaction he gave. 

“Well, yeah, but--did you--”

“Yes,” you cut him off, waved a hand in his direction to get out in front of it. “I lost my virginity to him.”

He lifted his eyebrows at that, shifted in the driver’s seat and kept his eyes on the road. 

“Why does that matter?”

“It doesn’t,” he said, a shrug of his shoulders and a quick glance in the rearview mirror to see Jane. “Was just curious.”

You stared at the white lines on the road, watched as they blurred together when he accelerated on the gas. It was only an hour drive, you were there before noon and right in time for Jane to have another bottle. 

He was happy to greet everyone who was already there--just a few aunts and cousins who decided they’d help set up platters of food and bowls of juice before the rest of the crew arrived. They fussed over Jane, passed her around and tickled her cheeks, but Harry kept a close eye on whoever had her.

When more people showed up you were whisked away again, hugging cousins you hadn’t seen in ages and trying desperately to not sound like a fool for getting knocked up by a celebrity. Your cousin Carrie didn’t seem to think it was all that bad. 

“Not the worst thing in the world, though, right?”

You gave her a knowing look, fought the smile on your face when she elbowed you in the ribs. Carrie was closest to your age, only a year older and always so much cooler than you were growing up. 

“Come on, Y/N, he looks pretty good with a baby on his chest.”

“He’s been great with her so far,” you admitted. “I’m just trying to stay sane and deal with turning twenty-six.”

“Must be so hard,” your aunt Lisa pulled you in for a hug when she appeared behind you. “Dealing with a handsome man and a beautiful baby.”

You rolled your eyes at her teasing, hugged your uncle and let out a sigh. “I’m managing, but, you know, it’s been a wild year.”

“And you’ve handled it beautifully,” your mom chimed in, dropping off a cake on the table in the backyard. She kissed you on the cheek, “help me inside for a minute!”

You followed behind her, promised to come tell Carrie more of the_ dirty details_, as she put it. But the kitchen inside was quiet, your mom pulled out more serving dishes from the fridge and handed them to you when she spoke.

“Have you talked to him at all?”

You’d been watching him out the window, he tugged at Jane’s toes while she sat, happily, in your uncle Melvin’s arms. When you pulled your eyes over to hers, she eyed you suspiciously.

“No.”

“Are you going to?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, honey,” she rolled her eyes and let out a short laugh, shutting the fridge and taking inventory of the dishes she’d made. “I know you’re not sleeping all that much, but, I’m not that stupid.”

You sighed, held the bowl of pasta salad in your arms. “Not yet. Not now.”

“Sweetie,” she placed a hand on your shoulder and offered a look of sympathy. “You know what they say. He who hesitates is lost.”

“What?”

“Don’t waste your time,” she shrugged, her gaze immediately going back to food she still wanted to bring outside. Her attention was pulled away by commotion outside, another arrival of family who’d yet to meet your daughter.

And maybe she had a point, but you weren’t wasting time. Your time was spent standing over his shoulder as he learned how to change diapers. Sitting on the edge of the bed in the middle of the night when she wouldn’t stop crying. Thumbing through pages of parenting books or calling your mom instead of ripping out your hair. 

Pediatrician appointments and dodging the cameras that seemed to point your way when you stepped out of the fortress on the hill. 

And most importantly, protecting your daughter from the same heartbreak you felt your whole life: the one that comes along with a father who’s nowhere to be found.

**

You hadn’t expected the party to last so long, but the sun started to set and people still loitered around the backyard. 

Things quieted down though after dinner, your mom opened another bottle of wine with her sisters and Harry sat at the table with a beer in his hand as he listened to Eric and Tim recount their amazing vacation in Aruba. Jane was on his lap, getting fussier by the second after her evening feed.

You’d avoided it so far, a quick hello and minimal interaction, if only to save yourself an awkward conversation later that night. But when Luke sat down at the empty seat beside you--and directly across from Harry--you knew the night was about to get more interesting. 

“So Luke, Y/N told me you two have known each other for a long time,” Harry shifted his attention over to you, a small smile on his face when you locked eyes. 

Luke nodded, sipped at his own beer. “Yeah, God, we met when we were in seventh grade?”

“Yep,” you confirmed, a quick nod. “Do you want me to take Jane inside?”

“No,” Harry shook his head. She looked up at him with big blue eyes and then over at you when he smiled down at her. “She’s fine. And you two dated, right?”

“Yeah,” Luke laughed, smiling in your direction. “We spent a lot of time together in high school.”

“I heard,” Harry offered a quick chuckle, you tried to send a message with the narrowing of your eyes. 

“What a throwback,” you said sarcastically. 

“What is?” your mom was suddenly interested from the other end of the table, a tipsy smile on her face as she pushed up the sleeves of her sweatshirt she’d tossed on at the end of the night. 

You and Luke spoke at the same time, but your mumbled nothing didn’t sound as convincing as his answer: me and Y/N dating in high school.

Your mom smiled and held a hand to her chest, which made Tammy suddenly tune into the conversation from a few feet away as she chatted with Carrie. 

This made Harry more annoyed, but he hid it well. No one else could tell, probably, but you knew the way his lip twitched and he itched his neck when he didn’t like the way things were going. 

“I’m gonna take Jane inside,” you stood from the table and walked over to him with extended arms. Harry stood and set his beer on the table, I’ll come with you. 

Once you were alone inside, he started explaining before you could even give him a hard time. 

“I’m not trying to be a dick--just getting to know everyone.”

“By interrogating my high school boyfriend about our teenage relationship?”

He shut the door to the guest room and picked up Jane’s diaper bag from the floor. “What else am I supposed to talk to him about?”

“I don’t know--sports, music, anything.”

He rolled his eyes and took out the portable diaper mat. You undid her onesie after you tugged her shorts down. 

You held your hand out for a wipe. “You’re a jealous person, aren’t you?”

His brow furrowed, but he handed one over. “Never been told that before,” he tried to keep a straight face, but a giggle escaped his lips. 

“There’s nothing between me and Luke,” you promised, tossing the dirty wipe and diaper aside for him to dispose.

He handed you a clean one, picked up the travel-sized baby powder. “Yeah--I mean, you can do what you want, but--”

“I don’t want anything with Luke.”

You fastened the diaper around her hips despite the way she squirmed. He handed you the set of pjs you brought for her, found the swaddle in the bag and then sat on the edge of the bed. 

“But you don’t want anything with me, either.”

You let a breath escape your lungs, long and deflated. You’d had enough anxiety about bringing Harry here. But now there was a lurking feeling of nervousness in you about whether or not you’d ruin Jane’s sleep habits by interrupting her routine.

You wrapped Jane in her swaddle and picked her up, thankful for the heaviness of her eyelids when you started to rock her back and forth. “I don’t know what I want.”

You almost told him, laid it all out down the hall from your childhood room. But instead, he nodded, stood from the bed and opened his arms, a look of disappointment in his eyes. “I’ll take her,” he whispered. “Go spend time with your family.”

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list | the playlist

author’s note: woooooowwwwww we are close to the end, pals! the next chapter will be the last one!!!!! 

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[collecting-stories]

Shane - ep. 12 - Georgia

Summary: Shane hassles you in the diner and you let slip to Daryl that you want to date him. 

A/N: Can’t believe we’re moving this far into it. 

Georgia Masterlist | The Walking Dead Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

You almost audibly groaned when Shane walked into the diner on Monday night. Daryl has been gone all weekend and you were quickly realizing that driving yourself around just wasn’t the same. You weren’t too proud to admit that you missed him, more than someone should miss an ‘in between’ friend as Tara had called him.  

“You know, in between a friend and a boyfriend.” She had explained after coining the term.  

“I get it.”

You were sure your mom was happy, as happy as she could be with you, because you’d been essentially only at the diner and at home all weekend. You’d even been on time for church on Sunday morning, an occurrence that was lacking lately. It wasn’t only Daryl’s absence that had you falling back into that place so close to the daughter that your mother wanted. The one who was perfect enough to fix all the problems she had. Deanna had told your mom, just like Aiden said she would. She’d called her on Friday morning to tell her that she’d noticed you driving with Daryl in his truck.  

“When was this?” Your mother had asked, holding her hand up for you to stop as you were preparing to walk out the door for school.  

“I’m gonna be late.” You stressed.  

She put her hand over the receiver and looked you dead in the eye, “move out that door and I swear to god you will not go out again for a week. School be damned.”

You waited, stood there anxiously by the front door as she cast you glancing and nodded her head and ‘mmhmm’d’ at the appropriate places. Your dad was supposed to be coming home soon from the halfway house he was living in and you’d thought maybe she was talking to him but then she hung up and turned to face you.  

“You wanna tell me why Deanna just called me and told me she saw you with Daryl Dixon.”  

“Cause he was fixing my car. I told you that, remember?” You knew you said it in that way that suggested she was dumb for asking so you weren’t surprised when she smacked you across the face. It didn’t take the sting away though and you flinched away from her when she kept on.  

“You’ve done some truly stupid things before but this really tops it, you know that! Running around town like some whore!”  

And you could’ve said something else, at least that was the inner monologue you gave yourself afterward, when you were sitting in class with Maggie, swearing that you fell in the bathtub during your shower. You could’ve said something else, maybe, but you didn’t.  

“You would know! Why isn’t dad back yet? Cause he’s not better or cause you’re still fucking your boss!”  

Tara told you after school that she had wait the weekend, until she was back from her mom’s house, before you could stay. So you put yourself on best behaviour mode, faking it through a bruised jaw and other, worse injuries, that no one could see. You rolled in late to class with a slip that said you had tripped in the shower and you continued that lie until the last bell rang and you were driving to 7-11 to meet Tara, to stay far away from your mom.  

“Monday,” she promised. “I’m back from my mom’s Monday night, you can come over then.”  

“She told me ‘as long as you’re under my roof you won’t be anywhere near Daryl’. Good then, watch me get out from under your roof. She acts like it hasn’t happened before.” You replied, whispering as you stood in the back of the soda aisle, far away from Jacqui’s eavesdropping. The last thing you needed was her telling everyone what you said.  

“Does Daryl know?” Tara asked, playing dumb.  

“No.” You replied, “and I’m not gonna tell him. If he does like me he doesn’t need to think I’m messed up.”  

“You’re not messed up, your mom is a dick.”  

“Look, I can fake it for a weekend, church, no friends, work. It’ll be fine.” You promised, “and on Monday night, your house.”

“If you need it sooner, I could talk to my dad.” Tara offered. He’d let you stay plenty of times in the past.  

“No, Monday’s fine.”  

You survived the weekend the exact way you said you would. You faked the nice girl you had strived to be in middle school and for the first three years of high school. You didn’t talk back, you were quiet, nice, you went to work and to church and it was like some kind of wonderful transformation that your mother probably attributed to herself. She’d scared you straight out of your rebellious crush on Daryl and back to the girl she wanted you to be.

But Sunday came and you were counting down the hours. Just another day and you’d be at Tara’s. Hopefully a few more hours and Daryl would be back. Tonight, thankfully, your mom had left church, changed and gone to work, which left you at the diner, closing it out with Lori when Shane walked in.  

“I know you got a thing for that Dixon boy but I think you should reevaluate your eyes.” Lori commented, coming up next to you. “Shane Walsh is mighty fine.”  

“First, Daryl’s older than you,” you pointed out. He was 23, same as Rick, and Lori was 21, a little closer in age to you. “Second, you forget your pregnant?”  

“A girl can’t look?” She shrugged, walking away as you pretended to gag.  

Shane seemed oblivious to the interaction as he came up and sat at the counter. You hadn’t seen him since the party, though both Glenn and Maggie had and they claimed he had asked how you were. You weren’t surprised, Shane always did fashion himself as something of a ‘knight in shining armour’ you could only imagine the size of his ego knowing he had effectively ‘saved’ you from Aiden.  

“Hey Shane, what can I get you?” You asked, pad and pen ready, as if you thought he was actually going to order and he didn’t just come here with some ulterior motive like Aiden.  

“You, back?” Shane asked, grinning at you.  

You rolled your eyes, taking a deep breath and trying not to say anything too awful. The last thing you felt like dealing with today was Shane. “Hilarious. Order or move Shane.”

“I’m not joking.” He replied, leaning further across the counter.  

Over his shoulder Lori was shooting you a look that you were sure could translate into ‘jump on that offer’. You groaned, folding the notepad back up and slipping it into your apron. “Listen, Shane, I appreciate you standing up for me at the party and I’m sorry Aiden was a dick, I really didn’t want to be there with him-“

“Then why were you?”

“None of your business.” You snapped.  

“He trashed my house-“

“You both trashed your house! Don’t bitch at me because you got in a fight I didn’t ask you to get involved in.” You said, cutting him off.  

“So first it’s thanks so much and then it’s I don’t need you?”

“Yeah Shane,” you continued, “I was trying to be fucking nice to you but you’re being a dick. I’m sorry I don’t have feelings for you anymore but I can’t change that.”  

“You don’t mean that.” He said, keeping his voice low. He stood up and followed you down the counter as you tried to get back to work. As you lifted the gate on the counter he grabbed the other side, stopping you from going any further. “You got your head mixed up with that loser Dixon.”  

Your jaw tensed as you glared at him, “watch your mouth.” You let go of the gate, shoving passed him to get to your waiting tables.  

The resulting noise of the gate felt like it left an echo when Shane let go as well, turning and grabbing your arm. “Just talk to me, please!”

“I said no!” You snapped, pulling your arm away, “leave me alone Shane, I said no. I don’t want anything to do with you.”  

“Shane,” Otis’ voice caught both your attentions and you looked behind the counter to the window that offered a limited view of the kitchen. Otis was standing there, dish on the ledge, staring down Shane Walsh like he could fire bullets with his eyes. You’d known Otis your whole life and there wasn’t a person alive that ever had a bad word to say about him. He was a sweetheart, burly on the outside but teddy soft on the inside. He’d watched you hold your own with Shane in the past, and with Aiden. He watched you flirt with Daryl and told you more than a few times that you had that boy wrapped around your finger whether you thought so or not. And he watched Shane put his hand on you, “Think you should leave.”  

“We were just talking.” Shane replied, looking back at you like there was any chance in the world that you would defend him.  

“Yeah, and now you’re done.” Otis said.  

No further conversation was had. Shane nodded and left, Lori shooting him a sympathetic smile as he passed by her. You wanted to tell her to have at him, you could do without him hanging around. It was good Daryl was away for the weekend cause you were itching to go to his house as you stood outside the diner with Lori while she locked up.  

“You really over Shane?” She asked, as if she gave two shits about your life.

“Why?”

“Just wondering. He seems pretty passionate about you.”

“Passionate? Try aggressive.” You countered. He’d always been that way and you thought maybe there had been a time when you substituted who he was for who you wanted him to be but you liked to think you were a little smarter this time around.  

“What about Dixon?”

“Why are you asking me all these questions Lor?” You asked. You wanted nothing more than to get in your car and go home.  

“Just wondering, I get bored at the apartment, only one there to talk to is Rick and he’s on nights this week.” She replied. He was around whenever she had doctor’s appointments or if she needed something for the baby. She was more than positive that when the little Grimes was born he would be the best dad in King County but he seemingly less interested in being the best fiancé.  

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, answering her question finally, “Daryl and I aren’t dating though so it doesn’t matter.”  

“Think he’s waiting til you turn 18.” She asked.

“No, just don’t think he’s interested in dating me is all.”  

You’d given Daryl a lot of thought since you’d started spending time with him. There were times you thought maybe he liked you. Moments when it seemed plausible that there was something but it always felt like it was right before. This build up between the two of you with nothing to show for it in the end.  

“You have dated before right?”

“Obviously.” You replied, hand on the door of your car. If she would just get in and pull away , you could too.  

“Just checking.” She laughed, finally granting your wish and getting in the car.  

You peeled out after her, driving away from your street and pulling into the parking lot of the Shop’n’Bag. You parked as close as you could for a late night, your Jeep illuminated by the overhead light. The grocery store was practically dead at 10p as you grabbed a basket and walked around aimlessly. Hungry was not the way to shop but your mom was being a bitch and refusing to buy you groceries, going so far as to label the items in the refrigerator that she deemed hers.  

The freezer aisle, flickering from one of the ceiling lights, seemed to be your lucky spot. It wrapped the wall in the far left, two large cases running almost from wall to wall in the middle and a familiar frame leaning over one of them, cart full of other quick meals and beer beside him.  

“Hey stranger.” You greeted, stepping up next to him and leaning against the case.  

Daryl straightened, the faintest of smiles coming and going as he looked over at you, “ya ain’t stalking me are ya?”  

“No, I just finished at the diner, I’m starving.”  

“Ya know they make food there.” He replied, tossing a pack of steaks in the cart and moving along, you falling into step next to him.  

“I wasn’t hungry while I was there.” When he stopped again you pulled the three packs of stovetop mac and cheese out of your otherwise empty basket and dropped them in his cart before leaving your basket under the case.  

“I ain’t buying yer food.” He said, glancing over his shoulder at you. His eyes landed on the barely visible bruise that was still on your cheek, Tara’s words clear as day in his mind. “What happened?” He asked, hand brushing his own jaw in the same place.  

“Fell in the shower.”  

“Least it ain’t those cats this time.” He replied.  

“When did you get back?” You asked, following him down the aisle.  

“Like ten minutes ago, however long I been in here.” He said, pausing to throw something in his cart, “why?”

You shrugged, “it was boring this weekend, I missed you.”  

“Musta been real boring then.” He joked, turning his face away so you couldn’t see his cheeks going red. “Ya ain’t start any fights this weekend?”

“It wasn’t my fault,” you stressed. “Deanna called my mom though, told her she saw us driving in your truck.”  

“Told ya that ya shouldn’t be hanging around me.” Daryl replied, leaning against the handle of the cart. He watched you look through jars of red gravy until you found the one you wanted, sticking it in the cart. “I ain’t buying your food,” he repeated.

“I’ll pay for it,” you insisted, gripping the other end of the cart and smiling at him. “So, how was hunting?”

“A’ight. Got a deer in the bed a my truck.”  

You stuck your tongue out in disgust, “Glad my jeep’s fixed then.” You walked with Daryl through the rest of the store until he finally decided he was finished grocery shopping and turned his cart toward the check out, only one lane open this time of the night. When you tried to put the divider down between your order and his, Daryl put it back. “Thought you weren’t paying for me?”

“Ain’t a lot a stuff.” He shrugged, “bag it yerself though.”

“What a gentleman.” You laughed; scooting passed him so you could start bagging the groceries as the guy at the checkout put them through.  

Tara had told you enough times already that you should invite Daryl to your birthday, or just tell him that you like him and want to date him. You’d thought about both options plenty, positive that they were the only things on your mind these days. But actually, mentioning those things to him were a whole other story.  

“So, I turn 18 soon.” You mentioned as you walked out to your jeep with him. His truck was parked a few spaces down, blue tarp over the bed highlighted by a parking light. “Tara and Maggie are having a party for me.”  

“Ys sure that’s a good idea?” He joked, putting your groceries in the back for you.  

“Stop! No one’s ever gonna let me live that down.” You groaned.  

“Ya gonna invite me to yer party then?”  

You perked up a little, smiling, “well, yeah. And I was thinking too, you know, I’ll be 18.” You repeated at the end.  

“I heard ya.”

“I’ll be legal.” You clarified, as if he couldn’t catch on without you spelling it out for him.  

Daryl sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking at you a little more tired than before. “This ain’t a good idea, ya know,” he said, waving his hand between the two of you, “I ain’t got a lot going on right in my life. Ya shouldn’t be dragged into that.”  

“I’m not being dragged into anything,” you replied, “I really like you, I think I’ve been pretty obvious about it and if not then I’m telling you now. I like you and I’ll be 18 and I think-”

He stopped you by holding his hand up, “it ain’t gonna happen.”  

“Daryl-”

“I gotta get home,” he cut you off, stepping away from your car, “goodnight.”

“Yeah, goodnight.” You sighed, watching him walk away to his car.  

-

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[twdeadfanfic]

Bonded to you Pt.2

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Chapter: 2/17

Words: 3519

Summary:  Daryl and reader had a something while they both stayed at the Sanctuary after the Saviours were defeated, a secret sort of relationship, that reader wanted to make something more. However, after Rick blows the bridge, Daryl leaves her without a word, unaware of her being pregnant with his child and it’s not after almost two years that Daryl finds out he has a child…and his anger at reader for not having told him before, rivals with reader’s anger at having being tossed aside as nothing by him those to years ago.

Dad Daryl, cute fluffy baby-toddler moments, angsty reader relationship.

You can find more chapters and  Daryl fics in my masterlist.

Last chapter, we got a glimpse into Daryl’s and reader’s relationship dynamic, and they decided it was time to leave the Sanctuary, now that Carol offered to take over...

“He’s adorable!” You grinned like a fool as you held baby Hershel, staying at the Sanctuary you hadn’t been able to visit him.

“He is, and he knows it!” Maggie smiled softly, looking even more tired with that black eye and bruises. She had told you all what had happened with that asshole of Gregory…you knew you should have kicked him out long ago. Maggie said she was going to deal with it, though.

You looked at Daryl, you knew he was worried and angry about what had happened, but he was smiling softly looking at Hershel. “Wanna hold him?” You asked and as you passed him the baby

“Hey there,” he said, but his smile was sad, and you knew he was thinking about Glenn. He’d told you about it a few times before. Looking at him and baby Hershel, you still didn’t know what surprised you more, how much he seemed to like kids, or how good he was with them, and kids liked him too, Hershel was already giggling.

Those warm and fuzzy feelings that you had watching Hershel and Daryl, and playing with the baby, left you once it was dark and time to deal with Gregory. Maggie wasn’t making just threats this time, she was going to hang him. Rick and Michonne were against it, you knew, you guessed they’d have locked him as they did with Negan. Honestly, you were leaning more towards Maggie’s side, but you didn’t like that Daryl was the one carrying on the execution, not Maggie or anyone from the Hilltop.

Maggie had asked him, and he’d said yes, like he’d said yes to going to the Sanctuary, as if Daryl never said no to his family. You knew he agreed with Maggie and wanted to protect her and Hershel, that he hated Gregory and what he had done and thought that something had to be done, that he’d kill for his family, he’d done it, but you weren’t sure if he was on board with executing someone himself like that. You hadn’t known how to ask and you hadn’t had the chance.

You wondered if it was something twisted or broken in you, when you heard Gregory begging but didn’t feel any sort of pity, neither you felt anything when he hung to his death. Still, you didn’t want to be there longer than necessary, and after a couple of words to Maggie, you retreated to the trailer that you had been lent for the night.

Maggie had offered you a room in the house but you had asked her to stay in a trailer, if she didn’t mind and if there was any free that  they didn’t mind to spare. Maggie had thankfully not questioned you, and you had gotten a tiny trailer. You hoped that it’d be easier for Daryl to join you that way without it being too evident, if he wanted to…which you hoped he did. He hadn’t wanted a room inside the house either, and you had no idea of where he might want to stay.

You waited for a long while, you knew that Daryl would be helping Maggie to deal with the body and anything else she might need, before calling it a night. You were starting to feel worried thinking that he wouldn’t come, when there was a knock on the door. You rushed to open, finding Daryl there. “Hey,” you greeted quietly and he nodded at you, walking in, seeming tired. You locked the door and turned around to find him flopping down to sit on to the small bed.

“You okay?” You asked, reaching out to brush your knuckles over his face, and Daryl hummed, nodding. “Sure?” You arched your eyebrows at him, and Daryl seemed to understand what you meant and what you were asking.

“It had to be done,” he said.

“Doesn’t mean it had to be done by you,” you said softly.

“He had it coming,” Daryl shrugged and you didn’t know what else to say. He placed his hand on top of yours on his cheek for a second, looking at you with that soft smile he sometimes gave you and that always gave you the butterflies.

Daryl let go of your hand to wrap his arms around you, pulling you closer to him and letting out a tired sigh as he buried his face on your shirt, and you smiled when he nuzzled your stomach. You wrapped an arm around him, holding him, while your other hand caressed his hair.

“Thank you. For coming with me.” Daryl murmured, his face still hidden in your shirt, and you felt as if you might melt or be overcome by emotion at his words.

“Yeah well, it’s not like anyone might want to stay at the Sanctuary if they don’t have to.” You teased to try and cover how emotional you were feeling.

“Could have gone somewhere else. Back to Alexandria. To sunbathe at the beach at Oceanside.”

“I’ve always been more of a mountain girl than a beach one myself. There’s no mountains here but…there’s that cool looking mansion and cute horses.” You joked and Daryl chuckled, finally looking at you again.

“I wanted you to come with me,” he murmured. “But don’t want you doing shit you don’t wanna, just ‘cause me, ain’t fair.” You smiled sadly, reaching out to stroke his cheek. If only he understood how you felt, how you couldn’t take the idea of being away from him, or him being lonely and sad, how you’d miss him…how you wanted to do shit for him, because you cared…if only you knew how to put all that into words for him…if only you knew he’d share your feelings…

Daryl nuzzled your shirt again and then he pulled away from you, kicking his boots off and leaning back on the bed, tugging at your hand, and so you moved the lie next to him, wrapping an arm around him and letting out a content sigh when he curled up to you, resting his head on your chest.

“Rick ain’t happy…”

“He can’t tell Maggie what to do, not here…he can lead Alexandria however he wants, but this is Maggie’s community.” You said, playing with Daryl’s hair, it always helped you to relax.

Daryl hummed at your words. “Rick talked with Eugine through walkie, reckons that next week we could start building that bridge he was talking about.”

“So that means we have a whole week of vacation at Hilltop?” You half-joked and Daryl chuckled.

“We gotta help Maggie with shit here.”

“Still sounds like holidays…” You kissed the top of Daryl’s head and closed your eyes to try and sleep.

*

You all had been working on the bridge for little more than a month and honestly, you were surprised by how good it was looking. Only one person there had experience in construction before, another one had experience working with wood, and the closest thing to an engineer was Eugine, but the bridge was looking…well, like a bridge, kind of professional even. You were surprised and proud.

It was hard work, though, each passing day you felt more and more exhausted. Sleeping on the floor of your tent was uncomfortable after being spoiled on a bed for so long, and yet you fell asleep almost instantly every night, sometimes you didn’t even wake up when Daryl sneaked in with you, which he did more often than not.

Today, you were feeling particularly tired…not tired, not exactly, just...unwell. Maybe you were working too much, maybe you shouldn’t work for too long under the beating sun. You hoped you weren’t getting sick, but you were starting to feel dizzy.

“Laura?” You called for the ex-savior, who was working near you.

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m going to rest on the shadow for a bit, I think I’m getting a headache for the sun.”

Laura looked at you and frowned. “Actually, you’re not looking that good…you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I-” You couldn’t finish your sentence as you felt a wave of nausea. You tried to hold it down and got up, rushing off the bridge and to some trees, and throwing up.

“Told you, you aren’t looking good,” Laura said, following you. “You should go rest in your tent.”

“There’s work to do…” You reached to take the bottle of water that Laura offered you, taking along sip.

“You’ve been working a lot, just rest today before you become really sick.”

“Okay…”

*

You ended up dozing off for a bit in your tent and when you woke up you felt better. Maybe you had actually been working too hard and you needed some rest, or maybe it had been the sun. You were about to get up and go back to work when Daryl walked into your tent.

“Laura told me you’re sick?” He asked, kneeling in front of you, frowning as he examined you, and you wondered, not for the same time, if Laura knew that something was going on between you two.

“I’m not sick, I think I just spent too much time under the sun.” You shrugged, it wasn’t a big deal. Daryl just hummed, reaching out to hold his palm to your forehead. “Daryl, I’m okay,” you assured him, though you couldn’t help your smile, seeing that he worried about you being unwell…you knew that he would, in theory, but really seeing it felt good.

“Did Enid check you?”

“No, there’s no need, I told you, I’m fine. Just a bit too much sun.”

Daryl was still frowning, but finally he nodded. “Alright…”

*

You felt good for the rest of your day, right after dinner. You usually devoured your food after a hard day of working, but that day your dinner seemed to upset your stomach before you even dug in it. Fighting a wave of nausea, you decided not to try your luck, and left your dinner untouched, passing it to somebody else, and resigned to go to sleep on an empty stomach.

It was late at night, and you had already dozed off, when Daryl joined you, but you woke up when you felt him. “Hey…” you greeted groggily.

“Hey,” he reached out to stroke your hair and you closed your eyes. “You still feeling sick?”

“Told you I wasn’t feeling sick…” You murmured.

“You didn’t have dinner, I saw you.”

Oh… “I wasn’t hungry.” You hated to lie to him, but you didn’t want him to worry too much. Your stomach, though, decided to betray you, gurgling and growling now that you were awake.

“Yeah?”

“I just didn’t feel like eating…” You didn’t know how to explain it.

Daryl let out a sigh. “I’m gonna get you something to eat.” He was back soon with a bowl of warm stew, and even though you were starving, you felt nauseous too as he gave it to you. Still, you were hungry and Daryl was looking at you with worry, and so you made yourself eat the stew, fighting the nausea and trying not to show it.

After your late dinner, you went back to sleep hoping to feel better in the morning, You weren’t lucky, though, as a wave of nausea woke you early in the morning, even before Daryl left.

“What…” he murmured, waking up confused as you pushed him away in your rush to get up and get out of the tent to throw up outside. As soon as he realized what was going on, though, he got up too, rushing behind you, rubbing your shoulders until you thought you were feeling better. “You gotta see Enid,” he said, and this time you nodded, giving up.

*

Enid didn’t know what was wrong with you, though, and she looked so stressed and overwhelmed now that Siddiq had left her on her own, her nose always in a medicine book, that you took pity of her. She thought you might be right and you might be feeling unwell due to the heat and the sun, but she also was afraid of you having caught a bug or something, and she asked you to go visit Siddiq in Alexandria…you didn’t look forwards to it, at all, but as you tried to work that morning, you kept feeling unwell.

You approached the area where Daryl was working but you stayed away, watching him talking with Aaron as they worked, until Daryl spotted you and made his way to you.

“What did Enid say?”

“She’s not sure, she says I should go to Alexandria and have Siddiq check me…”

“Alexandria?” Daryl frowned and you knew where his mind had gone, same place, same person, than yours. “Can’t be Hilltop?”

“No, he’s staying at Alexandria...”

Daryl chewed on his lip but nodded. “Okay, you gotta go.”

“I know…” You had felt nauseous trying to eat again. “But I don’t want to…” Daryl reached out as if he went to touch you, but there were people around, and he lowered his hand, though his eyes seemed torn. “I guess I’ll leave this afternoon, there’s a cart going to Alexandria to get more food I think…”

“I’d give you a ride but…”

“Yeah, there’s work to do, I know…” You shrugged. “Anyway…I’ll be in my tent picking up my things…” You hoped Daryl got it, and you turned around, walking back to the camp.

He did, joining you in your tent right when you thought you were leaving without saying goodbye, though looking at him you felt even less like leaving, and it was a bit embarrassing but you felt like crying.

“I’ll radio Michonne to ask what Siddiq said later,” he told you and you nodded, grateful once more for having walkies to talk from community to community now.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, I’ll be back in a couple of days.” You tried to believe your words, smiling.

“Just take care and do whatever Siddiq tells you.” Daryl was still seeming worried, and if being sick meant that he got to show you that he cared, that he was like this with you, maybe you didn’t mind being sick.

You nodded and leaned to kiss him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders when Daryl kissed you back, pulling him closer, as close to you as you could. You usually didn’t kiss him like this, always afraid of being too much, of overwhelming him, of him pushing you away from him finally one day, but he didn’t seem to mind, as he held you just as close, kissing you…yeah, maybe you didn’t mind being sick that much.

*

You felt like an absolute moron. Like a complete idiot.

You had just told your symptoms to Siddiq when, without needing to check you any further, he had suggested one of the reasons why you might be feeling like that…and oh well, that hadn’t been on your radar at all.

But yes, now that you thought about it, you hadn’t had your period that month, right? What about last month? You didn’t remember…You had never been good at tracking it, or caring about it, but seriously? How many times had Daryl and you had sex in all your months at the Sancuary? Sure you didn’t need all the fingers in one hand to count them.

But…it could be. You could be pregnant. Holy shit you could be pregnant. You felt like throwing up and like fainting again, though you were sure that now it wasn’t due to any sickness you might have gotten or due to your potential pregnancy but to the fact that you could actually be pregnant…had you ever planned on having a baby? Like…in the apocalypse? Without even being in an actual relationship? This was surreal.

Clutching the pregnancy test that Siddiq had given you, you made your way to the bathroom. You couldn’t believe that there were pregnancy tests still around, but the doc seemed to have some in his cabinet. Maybe you weren’t the first one to get knocked by surprise.

Some minutes later, and there was your answer. You were pregnant. Yes, you were definitely going to faint on the bathroom floor. This couldn’t be real. What were you going to do now?

Shit…you had to tell Daryl…how was he going to react? He was going to freak out for real…This couldn’t be happening. These last days you had been wondering about his feelings, about maybe trying to have a conversation with him about your relationship, if he wanted you both to keep going with whatever you had, or if maybe he’d want something more…serious? Official? You weren’t sure he might want something like that…and now you were supposed to tell him that you were pregnant? Damn, this couldn’t be real…

You walked out of the bathroom feeling brainless and lifeless like a walker. “You were right,” you muttered to Siddiq, heading outside the infirmary, but you didn’t go far, sitting down on the stairs at the outside and burying your face in your hands. What were you going to do…how you were going to tell this to Daryl…

Would he be upset about it? You knew him enough to know that he’d step in, he’d help you with the baby, you knew you wouldn’t be alone in this, but still…You didn’t want Daryl to be with you only because a baby, you didn’t want to wake up each day thinking that he felt forced to be in a relationship with you just because you had his baby, without actually wanting it…

Maybe you were overthinking it, though. Yes, he would step in, Daryl would do anything for his kid, you knew, but that didn’t mean he had to marry you or something, you both could just co-parent. It might mean that you’d end whatever relationship you had that involved something more romantic than a good friendship…or, maybe, maybe…he’d actually share your feelings, he’d actually want to be with you the way you wanted to be with him, maybe you could raise this baby as a family…maybe…maybe not get your hopes high. He had never hinted at anything like that.

You really needed to stop overthinking this and go speak to Daryl, even if your stomach knotted with nerves at it.

You got up and you were about to go see if someone was going to the bridge camp so you could join them, when you saw Michonne, Maggie and a couple of other people rushing down the street…what? You didn’t even know that Maggie was there.

“Hey what’s going on?!”

“We have to go back to camp!” Maggie yelled at you without stopping. “We got word some saviors attacked it and the herds are going too!”

“What?!” Your people were there, Daryl was there. This day couldn’t be real. “Wait, wait for me!” Before you could run to them, a hand on your arm held you back, and you turned to find Siddiq holding you back. “What the hell?!” You spat.

“You shouldn’t go, you’re not feeling well.”

“Yeah, we both know I’m not sick, don’t we?” You hissed and you struggled when you looked back and saw that the others were already riding through the door on the horses without you, but Siddiq didn’t let you go. Maybe you were actually going to have to punch the man.

“You really want to risk it? What if you feel dizzy fighting saviors and walkers? And you really want to risk…that?” Siddiq nodded to your belly and you stopped struggling, though you still weren’t sure about punching him and going to get a horse yourself.

Maggie had fought the war against the Saviours while pregnant, sure you could fight a few of them pregnant too. But then again, Maggie wasn’t throwing up and feeling dizzy more often than not. What if Siddiq was right, what if you felt dizzy fighting either saviors or walkers? What if you passed out? You’d die, and maybe you’d even get people killed trying to help you, and you’d get this baby killed as well. No…no you couldn’t do that.

You hated it, though, not doing anything. But you had to trust that your people could deal with the problems. They’ve always done. Daryl was a fighter and a survivor, he’d be okay…he had to…

“Okay…” You murmured, swallowing hard and trying not to cry. Siddiq squeezed your arm gently before letting go of it, and when you sat down on the stairs again, defeated, he sat down next to you.

“They’ll be okay, they’ll fix whatever problem is it and they’ll be back soon…” He said, and you said nothing. Things were going bad already when you left, with Saviors disappearing, it’d seem like they weren’t going to keep working…now they might be rebelling or something…you hoped Siddiq was right and your people fix it soon…

“All this throwing up and fainting…you think there’s something wrong with…” You waved a hand above your belly.

“No, no I don’t think so, I think it’s like that during the first months for some, not for all women though,” Siddiq explained.

“Lucky me.”

*

I wanted some fluff before everything explodes.

Thank you all so so much for the support on the first chapter of this, all your comments, reblogs and likes made me so happy, it really means the world and I’m so happy to talk to you all. I hope you’ll still enjoying this fic and will keep reading, because there are so many scenes and moments in this that I can’t wait for you all to read! Thank you all so so much for the support! It really keeps me going when I feel like giving up or like hating in my writing or I get stuck.

As always, excuse my english, is not my first language.

If you want to be (un)tagged let me know.

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[lovelyirony]

Title: I wish i could forget you

Tony Stark was not supposed to be in the car when Howard and Maria Stark attended a Christmas holiday party for another company. In fact, Hydra had wanted him to stay home. 

Unfortunately, Tony had ticked off Howard a bit too much, and so here he was in a tuxedo that was a bit too big, uncomfortably shiny shoes, and a temper that was close to blowing. 

Thank god they were almost home. 

When a car crashes, one almost can’t believe it. Tony can see the outside blurring, and he can hear glass crunching, and he hears things that he really doesn’t want to hear. He is fairly sure that Maria screamed. 

A metal arm. 

Huh. 

Well, not the most typical. He also doesn’t think that the man knows he’s here. 

Howard and Maria Stark are killed. Tony feels like shit because he couldn’t do anything. His forehead is bleeding and he didn’t want to move out of fear for himself, which seems selfish, but also maybe a survival instinct? 

God, his bow-tie is still constricting air flow. 

Once the man turns, Tony realizes that he wasn’t the target. They probably had no idea he was in the car, whoever “they” were. 

He gets out of the car. The car door creaks, and the man whips around. 

His eyes widen. 

“You--what?” 

The voice is surprisingly American. 

Surprisingly? He’s not sure why it’s surprising, it’s not like an American can’t kill just look at history, but still, Kind of surprising. 

"What, wasn’t supposed to be here?” Tony rasps out. He realizes now that he’s basically sent himself a death sentence as the man surges forward. 

“What are you doing here?” 

His eyes are piercing. Also very, very familiar with some photographs that Peggy has on her mantle and her desk. 

James “Bucky” Barnes. Son of a bitch. 

“What are you doing alive?” Tony asks. “I thought you were lost in a ravine in Europe somewhere.” 

“What--huh?” 

“Ravine. In Europe. You know who you are, right? Is this some kind of sick...what did they do to you?” 

“I do not know what you are talking about.” 

His eyes get cold again. 

“Who are you?” 

“I am the Asset.” 

It is now that Tony realizes that every single shitty sci-fi book is probably right, and his disdain of “wacky science” and “magic” have all been for nothing, because here is Bucky Barnes, who apparently has no idea who he is. 

Then Tony gets knocked on his ass. His body slams against the icy road, and Barnes is rushing towards a motorcycle. 

And he’s alone. He can’t breathe, all the wind knocked out of his chest. He thinks he broke a couple of ribs. 

- 

No one believes him. At all. SHIELD brushes it aside. 

“There’s no way Barnes could be alive. You were probably just seeing things,” they tell him. “Would you like us to find you a therapist?” 

“No,” Tony says, and they ask why. He laughs, sipping on his water. “SHIELD has so much loyalty to itself, I’m afraid I’d be compromised.” 

“Therapists aren’t supposed to divulge any information,” Nick Fury adds carefully. “And we’re a secret-keeping bunch. Nothing goes out that comes in.” 

“Unless, of course, it’s necessary,” Tony drawls, staring at Fury. God, the leather outfit...that’s weird. “Then I’m out in the open, Nicky. And what fun is that unless I get to show off an outfit in full-coverage?” 

“...I’ll have an agent escort you home. We’ll have guards overnight.” 

“Don’t bother.” 

“And why is that? Think you can handle it by yourself?” 

“Fury, my family has made a career out of thinking a lot of things. You’re not being as detrimental as you think.” 

He finger-waves, grinning and winking at agents on the way out. 

- 

Now comes paranoia. This is welcome, actually, because it’s allowing him to work up new security measures and hack into various security cameras around the world to see if he can find Barnes. 

It’s like he’s a ghost. And fuck, maybe Fury was right. Tony doesn’t like that, but that may be it. 

Merry fucking Christmas. 

- 

Years go by, and Tony keeps a tiny ear to any news about mysterious deaths that can’t be explained. A man that glows in lamp-light, has no identity. He’s not sure if it could be Barnes. God knows he’s no longer seventeen, and Barnes--it if it was Barnes--would be way older. He should’ve been an old man in 1991, but he wasn’t. 

It kind of reminds him of the conspiracy theory that Walt Disney was kept cryogenically frozen, which is just ridiculous, because as far as he’s concerned, you’d need a bit more to you than just regular skin and bones. 

And this is where it hits him. 

Barnes was experimented on when he was captured by Hydra. Peggy told him that Rogers told her that he was repeating his dog tag number over and over, as if someone was trying to take him over. 

Yeah, you’d need a bit more. 

Like a fucking super soldier serum. 

- 

This then delves into Tony realizing that if Barnes is flash-frozen, then...well, could Rogers have survived? He always thought his dad was crazy, but a broken clock is right twice a week or however the hell that saying goes. He never used it, he wasn’t a broken clock. 

(He was broken, but he’s not going to compare himself to a clock. Perhaps  Model-T.) 

- 

They find Rogers. Tony realizes Howard did his math completely wrong for years, and probably never let anyone look at it because he was a World Super Genius. And a Colossal Dick. 

Steve Rogers is one tough cookie to crack. Tony chips off some of the ice and puts it in a glass of scotch. 

“Do you really think that’s the most appropriate thing to do?” Phil Coulson asks. 

He’s shocked, but mainly because Tony has seen his Cap collection, and that man has so many limited edition cards and lunchboxes that it’s a bit crazy. But at least he knows how to decorate with it and not have it look like an absolute nutjob swept into his house and did it all in red-white-and-blue. 

“Phil, my darling, when have I ever done anything the appropriate way?” Tony asks. He stares at the face that’s emerging out of the ice. “Besides, what else are you going to do with this ice, hm? Besides melt it all off?” 

Steve is a miracle. Every scientist on earth wants to poke and prod at him. 

Tony breaks him out of SHIELD in a week, because he swears to shit if one more scientist asks to take blood samples “to see how going under Arctic temperatures affects the bloodstream” (and also take DNA for cloning) he’s going to lose it. 

Fury yells at him for two hours. 

Steve flips Fury off from the couch, where he’s been channel-surfing for the better part of three hours. 

“You’ve already corrupted him,” Fury scowls. “Rogers, we need to talk--” 

“He’s retired,” Tony says. 

(Steve is not, technically. Hasn’t said anything. But Tony is putting him on mandatory retirement for at least a year.) 

“What’s...what the ever-loving fuck is that?” Steve asks. 

An infomercial. For an automated chair. Mostly used for old people. 

Tony grins. 

“You wanna see how fast I can launch you out of one?” 

“I’m going to say yes. Professionally.” 

Ten miles an hour, and Steve goes flying across the room into a pile of pillows. 

It’s not the end-all solution. God knows Steve calls him “Howard” and asks where a lot of nasty food is, and sometimes can’t tell the difference between what his brain is seeing and what is actually there. 

But Tony gets him help. And Steve goes to art school. 

It’s all very funny, actually. Steve rants about “modern art” and how “if he could kill any concept it would be abstract expressionism, what the fuck.” 

Tony buys and then donates a Rothko in his honor. 

Steve fumes, but finds it hilarious. 

Then, there’s the attack on New York. 

Norse god of mischief decides to end New York, blah blah blah. 

Captain America reappears, everyone loses their shit, and Tony almost dies. 

Then he gets four other roomies besides Steve, and he has to make a chore chart. Ugh. 

- 

Barnes reappears in France. Tony gets a fairly good image, and Natasha stills. 

“You know about Winter Soldier?” 

“Barnes? Yeah.” 

“You know who he is?” 

“James Barnes. At least, I think. He tried to kill me, wasn’t very successful at it.” 

Steve overhears. 

This leads to a chain of events that ends in Steve not coming to family dinner because he’d rather sit in his room and listen to Green Day or Glenn Miller or whatever the hell gets him even more upset. 

“Listen, Steve, I’m sorry. But up until this picture? I was only about sixty percent sure I wasn’t full of beans.” 

“Why is that the phrase you use?” 

“What, full of beans? Bruce says I have to work on my cursing. Apparently, children are impressionable. Who knew?” 

It’s not a total success. Steve still doesn’t like that Tony didn’t outright tell him, but Tony isn’t going to tell Steve that he has the mental stability of a single cashew. 

So begins the hunt for Barnes. Which actually isn’t too bad. 

He’s in DC. Not for any political clean-up, unfortunately. He’s trying to kill Fury. Tony doesn’t know why, at least until he looks up Pierce, who’s technically, mostly retired from SHIELD. 

And yet still uses most resources that technically? He needs more than one authorization from multiple people. 

God, people are getting bad at covering their tracks. Used to be harder to catch and see if someone was doing dirty deals. 

(Okay, not like he can talk because Obie was...well, no use in discussing that now. He needs to focus.) 

Nat and Steve are bad at lying. This kind of surprises him, because Steve is usually a successful liar. He’s convinced Clint that it’s not him who keeps eating his peanut-butter-fudge ice cream, but Thor. 

And Natasha used to be Natalie Rushman. Then again, Tony was poisoned during that one, so that might just be on him. 

-

Helicarriers go in the water. 

Tony’s working on making sure most of the information doesn’t reach the general public, although he can’t stop it all. 

Barnes falls off the face of the earth, and Steve wants to go on another treasure hunt. 

“Let him come to us, or figure himself out.” 

“This isn’t a college kid going backpacking in Europe for a year,” Nat snaps. “He’s...you know who he is, who he was, and what he can do.” 

“Counterpoint: we don’t know if he secretly really wanted to see traditional decoration of Ukrainian Easter eggs,” Tony says. “God knows that I want to learn more about that.” 

“Is everything a joke to you?” 

"Only on federally mandated holidays,” Tony says with a shrug. “But let him be. Steve, it’s one thing that he didn’t kill you. It’s another thing that he hauled you up from the Potomac. I’m not sure I would’ve done that because who goes up alone to a helicarrier?” 

“Historically nobody,” Natasha says. “Most people don’t have any helicarriers.” 

“God, this situation sucks,” Tony says. “What if. We potentially. Ignore all of it and have spinach and artichoke dip? Hm?” 

“With toasted bread?” 

“I’m not an animal, Steve.” 

“Your penchant for four a.m. coffee while you don’t realize you’re singing songs from the seventies says otherwise,” he responds. 

“Well well well, if it isn’t the punishment of you getting the aux taken away for a week,” Tony taunts. 

“Oh, come on!” Steve whines. 

“Nope, just you having to listen to more of Bruce’s questionable tastes.” 

“Fuck.” 

- 

Barnes comes stateside. The only reason Tony knows this is because Jarvis says that he may have spotted Barnes, but he’s not sure. 

“J, you’re the most advanced system in the world, not to mention my son, and you like to hack into the Pentagon for funsies.” 

“All of that could not have prepared me for this.” 

Barnes is wearing a neon green tank top that is advertising Coco Beach in Florida. 

“Can I laugh? Or is that sad?” 

“Multitask, Sir.” 

“Oh, true.” 

- 

Barnes is not in New York. Tony has to near-about put an electric fence around the whole state so that Steve doesn’t go on a road trip. 

Hell, Tony doesn’t even trust him to go to coffee alone, but that’s a bit much. 

“We have to wait,” Tony says. 

Sam Wilson is a godsend. Also the funniest man Tony knows. 

He is also emotionally healthy and very perceptive, so he has been noticing that Tony is nervous. 

Because how do you face the man who killed your parents? Technically? 

“Are you talking to your therapist?” Sam asks. “Just thinking you should.” 

“Sam, we’re working on my issues from 2007. Believe it or not, it will be taking a full year.” 

“I don’t like that I can never tell if you’re serious.” 

“I know you remember the tabloids from 2007, I wrote a mesh vest. Clearly, I need so much help.” 

Sam snorts. 

“Maybe. Hey, I’ll catch you later. Clint and I are gonna go try and find some questionable shirts to crop.” 

“Did his little protege convince you? Bishop, right?” 

“Kate, yeah. She’s convinced our public image will go viral or something. Good luck with helping Steve and Nat with your super-soldier hunt.” 

“Thanks. Let me know if you find a shirt with my face on it. I want it.” 

Sam snorts. 

“Will do.” 

- 

Bucky Barnes comes to New York in early May. The springtime is slowly but surely fading off, sun approaching more and more. Tony is enjoying coffee on a veranda, and then suddenly his waiter is nowhere to be found and he’s not entirely sure if his visitor takes credit or debit. 

“Can I help you?” 

“Maybe. Depends on if you’re gonna kill me or not.” 

“I think Steve would be a bit broken up about it.” 

“Do you care what he thinks?” 

“On this situation? Yes. When it comes to culinary choices? No.” 

There’s a ghost of a smile on his face. Tony’s trying extremely hard not to remember shattered glass and a motorcycle on ice. 

“Can we, uh, table this conversation? For later. Espresso and all that, plus the added bonus of our shared history, so...” 

“Shared history?” 

“You don’t remember?” Tony asks. Bucky shakes his head. “Ah. Then this is truly a comedy of errors. Maybe. Um. Listen, I, uh...I gotta go. You need to talk to Nat or Steve or hell, maybe even Thor. Is Thor a good option?” 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“Barnes, I can’t exactly face you right now.” 

And then he jumps off a balcony. 

A fucking balcony. 

Jesus H. Christ, his therapist is gonna be so excited for their next session. 

The suit wraps itself around him, and he can finally breathe, and he’s thinking about calling Pepper and see if she would like to schedule him a vacation for maybe anywhere but New York and Iowa. 

“Why not Iowa?” Pepper asks. “They have good antique stores. I’ve gotten quite a few good finds for clothes.” 

“I can do shopping retail literally anywhere else, absolutely not.” 

“Spoilsport. Steve know you’re leaving?” 

“I didn’t even really tell Steve what happened with my parents.” 

“Oh, your therapist called. She sounded concerned, but also intrigued.” 

“It’s because Sally almost became an employee of NASA and still has a soft spot for aerodynamics.” 

“What exactly did you do when faced with Barnes?” 

“Check the front tabloid page tomorrow, just tell everyone I’m out of town.” 

“Got it. And Tony?” 

Her voice is soft. 

“Yes, dear?” 

He can feel her rolling her eyes. Affectionately, of course, but rolling all the same. 

“Be safe, and come back. You know Rhodey and I miss you.” 

“I miss you too.” 

- 

A week is spent in Malibu. He really is thinking about selling this place. But for now, it suffices. 

Steve texts him. 

bucky’s back. holy shit 

be back in a week. radio silence. 

got it. no more messages from me. thor tells me to tell you that he broke the sink 

:(((( 

And that’s it. He’s sitting in the house for a week, has already called Sally once and explained how his suit works, and then listened to her talk about how “his reliance on the suit to help him escape unfavorable situations is not exactly the healthiest but also none of my clients have had to face someone who is of weird standing.” 

It’s no secret that Tony doesn’t like Howard Stark. Who would’ve liked that sorry excuse for a father, a man who was so cold-hearted the Arctic looked like a tropical paradise? 

Maria was...Maria was different. 

She wasn’t a good mother. No, she was never a good mother. But she tried, and she didn’t deserve her fate. 

And then there was the question of Bucky Barnes. Who wasn’t Bucky when he was there, but still so damn recognizable. 

It’s kind of like when there’s a movie about a famous person, and another person plays them. Like Tom Hanks, essentially. Bucky played whoever the fuck they get Tom Hanks to play and it’s similar: you see the resemblance, but it’s not it. 

So yeah. 

There’s also the little tidbit that things get complicated when you involve personal feelings and rationality, and really? Tony misses New York. A lot. And he’s not going to let someone else overtake his life just because he’s uncomfortable. 

So he flies back to New York. 

- 

He’s in a bad way, Barnes is. 

“He remembered you,” Steve says. “What he did.” 

“Ah, there’s that.” 

“He doesn’t have to be here,” Natasha says. “I have a couple of SHIELD safe houses to choose from.” 

“None would be adequate to house something like me,” comes the response. 

Barnes looks remarkably shitty, as if he hasn’t slept in eighty years. And maybe he hasn’t. 

“Jail would be more fitting.” 

Tony rolls his eyes. 

“You are literally the most dramatic person ever, and Bruce threatened to take over the government because Thor ate the last croissant. Put those on the grocery list, Steve

“We’re not gonna throw you in jail,” he continues on. “Not because you happened to be used as a goddamned Swiss army knife. I have issues, sure, but I’m not going to be going all Hannibal Lecter or whatever.” 

“Who the hell is that?” 

“Cannibal. I realized that that’s a terrible comparison, please forgive me.” 

“Why a cannibal?” 

“Couldn’t think of anything else but Anthony Hopkins, the actor. My mistake. Point is, we’re gonna have to go through some channels, and I’m introducing you to BARF, as well as a new person who’s gonna rock your world.” 

“I’m pretty much well-acquainted with vomit.” 

“No, not that,” Tony says. “Although we can cover that through my 2005 edition of partying if we really wanna dig up some old magazine interviews. No, I’m introducing you to something that’s going to change your life.” 

-

After that, Tony doesn’t have much to do with Bucky’s life. 

He serves as a permanent guilt trip, nothing says “well, shit” much like being a permanent guilt trip. 

Sally tells him that they should talk it out. Do all that “and how do you feel?” questioning that makes his skin crawl and his eyes ascend to the ceiling. 

I mean yeah, they share a living space. Tony has seen Bucky laugh and smile with Sam, talk with Bruce about a really interesting article about regeneration of plant cells or whatever, and Bucky enjoys videochatting with Wakandan royalty. 

(It also helps that Shuri is blunt as ever, but so blisteringly smart. He’s reading her paper on regeneration of nanotechnology, and it just...it’s the Pieta of research, that paper.) 

But he never speaks to Bucky. Well, he does. But it’s more along the lines of “hey Barnes” and “how are you?” which aren’t exactly the Most Thought Provoking Statements Ever Made. 

Summer comes swiftly, and about near with a vengeance. Tony’s dealing with a heat wave and trying to figure out if going outside is even worth it, and then he and Bucky are alone in the kitchen. 

Tony was debating getting a couple of popsicles from the freezer. Bucky is considering sabotaging Clint’s smoothie that was supposed to be special for tonight, but that he’ll most likely forget. 

“Hey,” Bucky says. “Um, can we talk?” 

Shit. 

He’s been avoiding this, officially, for a month. Potentially more if you’re going to count a few choice events that have been brought up by his psyche. 

“Sure thing, buttercup. What are we talking about. Economy, world crises, the great debate on financial advice?” 

“Isn’t the third thing just the economy?” 

“We can break it down over coffee.” 

“Mm, maybe another time. No, I’m talking about us. About how I--I kind of ruined your life.” 

Tony blinks. 

“You didn’t ruin my life. If my life was ruined you’d be hit with so many lawsuits that I could make the rest of your life look like the third circle of Hell, or wherever it is that people go nowadays in Dante’s eyes. No, you didn’t ruin my life.” 

“I still killed your parents.” 

“If you hadn’t, someone else would’ve. Believe me, there were about fifteen others in line. Sometimes, myself included.” 

“You can’t not take me seriously,” Bucky stresses. “I still did a terrible thing. I just want to make sure you know that you’re being too kind.” 

“I most certainly am not,” Tony says. “Being too kind would have me feeding you grapes.” 

Bucky’s face blanks. 

“Don’t. I...I don’t wanna take advantage of your hospitality. I don’t want to remind you of what happened.” 

“You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t wanted,” Tony says. “Believe me. And if you want to leave, you’re free to leave. I don’t want to make you feel like you need to stay here.” 

“I...I want to make it up to you.” 

“Then use BARF and review it,” Tony says. “I’m serious. I need user feedback, and you’re the best candidate for it. Also, please try to convince Steve to wear neon yellow. I just want to see if he’ll do it.” 

- 

Steve wears neon yellow. Tony laughs so hard he cries. 

Bucky smiles. 

It’s a nice smile, really. It’s wide and happy and wow. That’s all worth it. 

And then BARF. Bucky just gives user feedback, nothing else. Tony doesn’t want to know anything else, but they start talking more. 

Tony finds out that Bucky’s been doing crosswords to catch up on current events, and he’s bought taped recordings of World Series games. 

He loves antique stores. He visits them and brings home little trinkets that he remembers in his own house, or what he remembered. He watched old commercials from the fifties and sixties, laughed as he remembered the Sears catalogs that would come in the mail. 

“Me an’ my sisters would beg my mom for new clothes from the catalog, and she never would. Always sewed our pants and skirts so damn well, I probably could’ve used them for the next ten years.”  

Tony laughs. 

“Well, I can’t promise I can sew. But I could give you some armor that could last you twenty years, if you want. Steve told me you’re thinking about doing some distance missions.” 

“Just observation, no armor required.” 

“Sometimes it’s the simple missions that get the worst hits,” Tony says. “Believe me, I know how it goes. So, do you want some armor?” 

Bucky smiles. 

“Sure.” 

“I’ll need feedback.” 

“I’ll give it all I’ve got.” 

- 

Bucky is a goddamned dream to design for. He knows exactly what he needs, what areas are most likely to be pierced, and also has a flair for the dramatic: he requests an Iron Man helmet be embroidered on the back. 

“You’re really just trying to be sweet on me, aren’t you?” Tony teases. 

“My master plan to gain your fortune,” Bucky teases right back. “I’ll waste it all on champagne pools and the worst-looking but most expensive shoes I can find.” 

Tony laughs. 

“Sugar, that’d be incredible if you could spend all of my money on that. I’d commend you.” 

Bucky smiles, and it shouldn’t be as nice of a smile as it is, but here Tony is with his opinions and his concerning thought that maybe he wants to see more of Bucky. 

- 

In the morning, there begins a routine. Tony is always up at eight o’clock. It’s a rare lull in Avenger-morning-routines: Nat, Steve, and Bruce are all done, and Thor and Clint won’t be in until ten o’clock at the earliest. 

(What can he say? Thor’s a god and Clint...well. He needs a lot of beauty sleep.) 

Tony makes coffee, and Bucky makes them both breakfast. Says that officially, it’s to test and make sure that his prosthetic is still performing under optimal conditions. 

(They both know that’s not it.) 

Tony always says he pours too much water, makes enough for two cups. 

- 

Steve calls them out on it. 

“You two are being weird,” he says. “And not like Thor and Bruce trying to reenact that one show about ghosts and unsolved things.” 

“That’s their form of courtship, don’t be fucking rude,” Clint remarks. Natasha snorts. 

“What, us being weird?” Tony asks, pouring a bit more coffee into Bucky’s mug. He always uses too much creamer and then won’t finish his coffee unless there’s more. “Why do you say that?” 

“It’s because you both do couple shit,” Bruce says, breezing into the kitchen. “Also, Steve, lovely to see that you have volunteered to be the next guest on Avengers: Unsolved. We’re planning on using you as a guilt-trip in order to access files about aliens.” 

“Truth will be found!” Thor adds. “But also, yes. Bucky, I thought you were taking him on a date to the art museum on Saturday.” 

Bucky turns red. So does Tony. It really is quite inconvenient. 

“I mean, we could go on a date there,” Tony says. “If you’re okay with that.” 

“You’re doing this in public?” Natasha asks, eyebrows raised. “Hm. Would not have called that.” 

“You owe me fifteen dollars,” Bucky says. “Not you Tony, quit looking at me like that. Yes, it will be a date on Saturday, I’ll wear a nice shirt. Nat said that I couldn’t do anything that surprised her.” 

“Technically, Tony surprised me.” 

“I thought dates were mutual events, hm? Fifteen dollars. I’ll use it to buy the best bouquet in New York.” 

“The best bouquet costs over a thousand dollars,” Thor answers. 

“Not questioning how you know that, but I’m scared of you,” Bucky says. “Then I will get the best fifteen-dollar-bouquet in New York.” 

Tony snorts, smiling. 

“I guess I’ll spray a bit of my perfume on my pillow then, soldier.” 

“I’ll pick you up at noon sharp,” Bucky says, grinning. He finishes his coffee. “We’ll make fun of Steve’s art exhibit together.”