#says it’s my fault. now going to a wedding alone where idk anyone but the bride AND had to text her the plus one i begged for bailed and she

[castielsupernatural]

having a SHITTY ass night 🤙

[lizacstuff]

Sen Çal Kapımı episode 47 asks

Below the read more find asks and answers about episode 47, the fragman for 48 and other miscellaneous things.

(UNDER THE CUT)

Anonymous asked: Hi! I hope you are enjoying your vacation. I remember you mentioned you would be traveling. What were your thoughts on the epi? I think this was one episode where everything was happy! No big problems. The truth about Kemal being Serkan's dad could have been dramatic but Ayse and team wrote it like a romcom. I'm not really feeling the Deniz being the saviour of Artlife like they are portraying in the fragmans but I'll wait for the next epi to make a judgement.

Thank you. Once again, I though the whole episode was a really easy watch and I enjoyed every minute.  

I really appreciate the tone this season, even something as series as Serkan’s parentage is played lightly, as you say very much rom com, and not full of heavy melodrama (as it would have been if explored during the 30s). This is exactly the tone and feel of this show that I want.  

Serkan’s reaction was predictable, but it was also clear that he just needed time to adjust and settle down and he’ll come around. I like that. 

I don’t have time this week to do full episode thoughts, but I enjoyed Serkan and Eda’s morning after conversation. Hilarious that he’d removed all the sharp objects from the room. Loved that after all of Eda’s fear-fueled reticence, once she decided to take the plunge with him, she was all in. Eda admitting that she’d been unbalanced and had been at fault for hiding Kiraz,--and acknowledging that Serkan had been fighting for them and now she wanted to as well-- was very nice. After running a bit hot and cold, Serkan deserved to hear that.  

lolo-deli asked: Hard to believe we didn't get a reconciliation scene in 47... Nobody expected sex but we couldn't even get a hug or kiss when they made up? "I want to see that tattoo" was not the romantic reunion I was hoping for. Were you at all disappointed?

IMO, we did see the important part of the reconciliation, and that was the conversation. Sure, I think we should have seen Serkan and Eda kiss in the last episode. If I were in charge we would have, but I don’t think the story actually loses anything because it’s not a mystery what happened.   

Clearly, he says the tattoo line and they jump each other, make their way to the bedroom, have sex, but don’t really communicate until the morning when she wakes up, and that’s where the show picks up and we get to see those first important moments. 

If you’re looking for romance, then I would point to everything that led up to that tattoo line in 46. That entire episode (and the one before it) was their romantic reconciliation. Moments alone where he takes in her scent and whispers how much he’s missed her, waking up in bed together when they just automatically gravitate to one another, the moments of pretending to be married that were very comedic, but also very soft and romantic (What’s your greatest passion, what’s the first line you ever said to one another), the heartfelt conversation on the bench, the actual tattoo conversation at dinner. That’s the romantic reunion. Yes, if they had just reunited after years (like in episode 40) right before the tattoo line, I  would have needed more romance, but we’ve had 7 episodes of them working their way back to one another. Everything was primed, all they needed was to light the match.  IMO that line did the trick. 

So, am I disappointed? No. I’m happy to go with the flow and enjoy every minute of what they do give us in these last few episodes. I choose not to get tied up in what I wish would happen vs what actually happens. I find I don’t enjoy any show when I put the onus on the show to conform to my wishes. 

Some might be disappointed, that’s their choice, (and make no mistake, it is a choice) but that’s not how I’m approaching this second season which is serving up so much romance, comedy, and domestic family goodness. I suffered through the 30s so I could get to this, I’m not going to waste any of it being disappointed.

Anonymous asked: Idk why this proposal was the most emotional out of them all for me. Perhaps with the other ones I just KNEW the other shoe had to drop because they couldn't let them get happily married this early and this time I knew it was finally it. Or maybe it was the fact that knowing they're married means the show really is ending soon, but I was a blubbering mess lol. Sure there's drama ahead, but it's definitely not a plane crash and memory loss or a "fake" Selin pregnancy!

Yes! Thank goodness we don’t have any of that nonsense waiting for us.  They are really going to be married. 

I enjoyed this proposal very much, it was so sweet the way he planned everything out and had everyone helping, while Eda (and even sort of the audience) was in the dark about what was really going on there.  

For me, as far as the words spoken, nothing really tops his speech to her in 27, but the great thing is that we get them all and this was special in it’s own right because he really surprised her and swept her off her feet this time around.  I loved it!

Anonymous asked: So I am confused about Serkan’s ability to have kids- it’s not a problem now? If him being infertile was only temporary, why did he say it was impossible to have kids and it was a part of why he left Eda in the first place so she could have it somewhere else? They could’ve just waited a couple years to have kids then...? I know he also left her cause he was scared of dying but they really made his reaction seem like he’d NEVER be able to have kids

My assumption is that since they were able to have Kiraz, they know it’s possible, so even if it won’t be easy (and fertility is usually not a hard yes/ no line... mostly it’s a measure of how likely it is) they are choosing to believe they will be able to conceive again.  

If you’re looking to change what his assumptions were when they first broke up and he thought he was unable to have kids (and that there was a 70% chance the cancer would come back) and deciding he should have made different decisions based on the fact that he was able to father Kiraz... to be blunt you’re looking at it the wrong way. 

At that time, he thought he would never be able to have kids. Full stop.  The fact that wasn’t necessarily true doesn’t change what he believed at the time. 

Anonymous asked: serkan being the overly protective, worrying, affectionate baba is EXACTLY what i imagined, as i'm sure everyone else did. who else would worry about the pH balance of the soap at their daughter's preschool?! serkan thinking his angel can do no wrong.. of course it was all can's plan to hide them in the bathroom lmao. i hope, and with how this season is going i think we'll get it, we get to see this serkan in action when eda is pregnant too.. even if we just see a couple minutes of it!

YES! I loved overly protective Serkan. Thankfully, for Kiraz’s sake he has Eda (who might be a bit too far the other way) to balance him out.   I agree that it was hilarious how he was trying to blame sweet Can.  Even without seeing what happened, I’m pretty sure anyone else who had spent two minutes with those kids would figure out who the instigator was.  When rabble rousing is going on, I think it’s fair to point to the offspring of Serkan Bolat and Eda Yildiz as the cause, lmao.

It would be great it we got to see glimpses of Serkan as an expectant father and also the father of a newborn.  I would love that.

Anonymous asked: I see that the "Nitpick of the Week" as I'm calling it, this week is where Serkan proposed. Because Serkan Bolat would neeeeever propose in a "parking lot" .. am I the only one seeing that it's not even a parking lot, it's a road. Like if it is a parking lot where are the other cars then lol?! Putting aside that he's proposing outside their literal wedding venue, their entire story started in a parking lot. He told her he loved her for the first time on the side of a road. I'm not understanding.

You make great points!  Their love story did start in a parking lot AND he was trying to pull off both a surprise proposal and a surprise wedding in one day’s notice. Since we’ve already seen a proposal on a plane, a proposal at a piano bar and a proposal at their place of work, I don’t really have the energy to join the discontented masses on twitter and nitpick the location of this proposal. He could have proposed in front of a landfill and I would have been delighted. 

Anonymous asked: I'm sorry if you don't find it as funny, but people's reaction to this new fragman is so exaggerated like they're about to witness Indecent Proposal dizi-edition that I literally couldn't help but find it hilarious. Like no where is it ever implied that Deniz is offering Serkan SEX, but when Eda says "just do what you have to" somehow that's the first thing everyone thought of?! Not to mention we know this is Deniz's last ep.. the dramatic reactions really have me dying lmao.

OMG! I know. So this is a show that doesn’t show sex, Serkan didn’t sleep with the woman he thought was his girlfriend during amnesia, Serkan and Eda were both celibate for 5 years, but suddenly they’re gonna have newly-married Serkan go to the edge width Deniz?!?!?!  Those people on twitter lost their damn minds.  

On Saturday, I was on vacation and had just popped in to see if the new fragman was released, I was happy to nope right out of there when I saw the insanely melodramatic overreaction to the fragman. 

It’s obvious that since the biggest issue between Eda and Serkan is Eda’s fear that Serkan will always prioritize work over her, as he did on their first wedding day, this story is to show that Serkan will 100% choose Eda over work and Art Life.  Also I’m sure the episode will have the same tone as the rest of the season, which is light and comedic.  

Anonymous asked: sometimes I go back to episode 28 and still can't believe they got that bathtub + shower scene in there with the rtuk guidelines. I've watched a couple more romcoms since starting SCK and have never seen anything close to that. I know they got fined afterwards but they were really like "screw it, we're going it for anyway" 😂

It’s interesting that the production company and network went for it there. But as you say they did get fined, so they didn’t get away with anything.  

[chocoluckchipz]

Will You Help Me, Marinette?

                                  Read it on A03, FF.net, WattPad

Halfway into her walk to work, Marinette’s phone chimed. An amused smile tugged at her lips. A new record. Usually, he’d text her first thing upon waking up. Had been for years. She was already starting to suspect something had happened.

Adrien: Help!

She rolled her eyes. If it were anyone else, she’d panic. But it was Adrien, an overgrown man-child to whose overly dramatic, exaggerated ways she was used to by now.

Marinette: I’m bringing you croissants. Don’t worry.

Adrien: U rock!

Adrien: But that’s not it. Can I ask you for a favour?

She stopped at the lights, looking around for cars and quickly ran across the street.

Marinette: Coffee? I’m about to walk by our café.

Adrien: Thanks, but not today. My photoshoot relocated at the last moment, so I won’t be in until much later in the day.  

Adrien: I’ll still meet you at our cafe for lunch. Don’t order without me.

Marinette: :thumbs-up:

One end of her scarf got loose and seeing as Adrien was still typing, Marinette stole a moment to fix it, swaddling her neck away from the crispiness of cool air on the early April morning.

Adrien: Marinette, you’re my best friend and the luckiest girl I know, and you’re super smart and creative, so if anyone, you’d know what to do, and I really can use help now in something super important.

Adrien::puppy eyes: Please?

She didn’t bother suppressing a giggle, attracting a few glances from a morning crowd around her. Turning the corner, Marinette inhaled a warm aroma of fresh baked goods from a nearby café. She grew up and still lived in a bakery. She should've been used to this kind of thing. Yet this one was special. It was close to Gabriel’s office, and Adrien and she loved to frequent it during their lunches.  

One of the servers waved at her, wishing her a good day. Marinette waved back, asking how their new kitten was adjusting. A brief exchange later, she walked on, a buzzing device in her hand reminding her of an unintentionally abandoned friend.

Adrien: T_T

Adrien: Are you ignoring me?

Adrien: Five minutes had passed. No answer. :sobbing:

Adrien: I thought we were friends? Friends help each other.  

Adrien: …

Adrien: You do still like me, right?

She couldn’t hold back a chuckle. Such a drama queen and an incorrigible dork. Though, no one would ever believe her if she’d say that out loud that because in the public eye a supermodel, part-time CEO of a fashion empire Adrien Agreste was perfect in every sense of this word. Only his closest friends knew better.

Marinette: I beg your forgiveness, Your Highness. I was distracted by Pierre. How can I help you?  

Adrien: :D You like me after all!

Marinette: I wouldn’t put up with your insufferable antics otherwise. Now, spill because I’m about to walk into the office and you’ll lose me five minutes after that.

Adrien: Okay.  

Adrien: So…

Adrien: I’ve decided…

Adrien: To confess to the love of my life.

Marinette froze in her path, her heart sinking. Tightening her grip on her cellphone, she stared at the screen in shock. Adrien was in love with someone? Why didn’t she know about that? They’ve been friends for years, so how did she miss that the love of her life was in love with someone else? Her quickening-its-pace heart ached as Adrien continued to type.

Adrien: I tried to confess to her on my own many times but chickened out every single one of them because I’m terrified of ruining what we already have if she doesn’t feel the same for it’s amazing and wonderful and absolutely beautiful, but I’m also at a point where I NEED more. It’s getting too hard to be just a friend.

Adrien: So, I’m risking it and I need you to help me. As my oldest and best-est friend ever you must help me. Please, say you’ll help me?

A knife Adrien didn’t know he’d stuck into her heart twisted, ripping through tender flesh. Marinette bit on her tongue and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. She needed a moment before she could reply, so walking into Gabriel’s building, she proceeded to the elevator and didn’t check her phone until she was safely in her office, settled in her chair.

Adrien: Marinette?

Adrien: I hope I didn’t ask for too much. You’re the only one I can trust with this.

Adrien: If you’d rather not, though, it’s fine. I’ll figure this out somehow.

Adrien: Are you upset with me? I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would be a big deal.  

Adrien: … Please, say something.

Marinette read over the messages a few more times before dropping her head in her hands, propped on the table. This hurt. It ripped and crushed and devastated her, but as much as she’d love to run away and scream her pain out right now, Adrien was her friend first of all, and as his friend, she’d be supportive of him even if it hurt her.

Marinette: Sorry. I got distracted on my way. In my office now, so you have my full attention.

Adrien: T_T Don’t scare me like this. I already thought you hated me.

Marinette: Why would I hate you?  

Adrien: Idk. Just a thought. So, you’re in?

Marinette: Are you sure you want me involved? Love confessions are kind of personal.

Adrien: Mari, please. I’m twenty-three. I don’t want to die an old maiden because I’m too chicken to confess to the most amazing, gorgeous girl around.

Marinette stared at the phone. She was also twenty-three, and ten of those years, she’d spent loving Adrien. All in vain, it seemed now. And yet, she couldn’t find it in herself to regret a single moment because Adrien had been brightening her days ever since their mothers became friends at a random book club meeting all those years back. She couldn’t desert him now, even if she wanted to.

Swearing under her breath, she cursed her inability to say No to him once again and typed.

Marinette: Alright. Let’s start with the name of the lucky lady.

Adrien: Can’t tell you.

Marinette: Seriously?

Adrien: Yes.  

Marinette: How can I help you if I don’t know who she is?

Adrien: Keep me accountable. Bug me until I confess. Remind me every freaking minute that I can do it. Idk, threaten me or something. We’ve been friends for what? Almost fifteen years now? You know how I work and how to make me do things. That’s why I’m begging you and not Nino.

Marinette wished he’d asked Nino instead because helping Adrien confess to some girl was the least of Marinette’s desires.

Marinette: It’s going to be hard to suggest anything specific if I don’t know who she is, but fine. We’ll think of something. I get the front row seat at the wedding, though.

She wanted nothing less but Adrien couldn’t know that.

Adrien: Thank you! I’ll save you the best seat in the house… IF she accepts.

Marinette: Oh, please! You’ve got looks and money. Who would refuse you?

Adrien: See, that’s the issue: she knows me too well. She won’t be swayed by my looks or money. T_T Why do you think I’ve been stalling?  

Marinette: Your dorkiness is finally catching up with you?

Adrien: Meanie.

Marinette: :P I’m sure everything will be fine. Now, is there anything you can tell me about her?

Adrien: She works at Gabriel.

Marinette tried to swallow the knot in her throat. Of course. Adrien must be in love with one of the models. He worked amongst the most beautiful girls in France every day, and who was Marinette? A junior designer in his father’s company? Not ugly or a failure per se but she was nothing to be proud of also. Marinette was just a girl whom he’d known her for most of his life and whose every fault he’d witness more than she’d like to admit. Nothing new and exciting to catch his attention. She was an idiot to ever dare to dream of him.

Yet, gritting her teeth together and pushing the thought aside, Marinette typed a response because he was her friend and he needed her help.

Marinette: You can ask her out to lunch for starters? Take her to our cafe. I’m sure she’d love it there.

Adrien: …  

Adrien: But we always have our lunches together. I can’t betray you like that.  

Marinette: I’ll be fine. I have a few designs I need to finish today, so I’ll eat at the work cafeteria.

Adrien: They don’t have your favourite.  

Marinette: I can survive one lunch without an eclair. Or I can call Alya and meet up with her.

Adrien: Shoot. Gtg. Ttyl.

Marinette: Good luck.

Adrien: <3

Marinette put the phone away. dropping her head onto the table. They’ve been so close for years. How could she have missed that Adrien was in love with someone? Was she that blinded by her own feelings for him? If she wasn’t, maybe then she would’ve noticed and could’ve prepared herself and not feel this excruciating pain in her chest now.

Her phone chimed again. This time it was Alya, reminding her of their Friday night plans. Marinette briefly responded, not paying close attention to what she was saying, adding an invitation for lunch at the end. Not that she was eager to be in anybody’s company today, but it was better than sitting alone and obsessing over who Adrien’s lady-love was. She knew herself and right now she needed a distraction not to fall apart. So, pushing misery aside, Marinette pulled her work files and started on finalizing her sketches due by the end of the day.

Closer to noon, Adrien texted again. As he always did.

Adrien: Guess who’s all done and who’s so nervous about today, it showed in pictures and drove my photographer insane?

She bitterly chuckled. Classic Adrien.

Marinette: Nothing to be bragging about. I thought you were a professional?

Adrien: I am. That’s why I’m done already. All you have to do is to imagine spaghetti. :3

Marinette: Dork.

Adrien: Proudly so.

Adrien: Marinette, thank you. I REALLY appreciate you being with me on this one. Honestly, I just can’t do this alone, and I wanted to do this for so long now, I’m desperate. So, your help means a lot.  

I don’t want to help you, Marinette grumbled to herself.

That’s what friends are for, right? she wrote instead.

Adrien: She’s just so amazing, it terrifies me to lose her, but I can’t imagine myself being with anyone else. We’re perfect for each other. I hope you’ll agree with me once you’ll see who I’m talking about.  

Adrien: Okay, I’m downstairs. I’ll drop by after I see Father.

Marinette: Cool. See you soon.

She put her phone on the desk, pushing her designs away. Tears, successfully withheld by the distraction of work, surfaced at the corners of her eyes, as the reality of what was going on hit again. Adrien was in love with someone and that person wasn’t her despite Marinette’s most daring hopes because otherwise, Adrien wouldn’t be asking her for help.  

Someone opened the door, walking in without an invitation. Marinette quickly wiped away the lingering moisture in her eyes. Adrien couldn’t see her crying or he’d know she was less than happy about this confession of his. She was heartbroken, but for his sake, she'd keep a brave face and smile until the end.

“Lila?”

“Didn’t except me?” The woman walked closer and settled in a chair opposite Marinette, a mug of coffee in her hand.

“Not really,” Marinette replied coldly. She hated Lila for lies and manipulations. Why M Agreste hired her as a model was beyond her. “What do you want?”

“I’ve come to warn you,” Lila said, ceremonially checking her nails.

Marinette quirked an eyebrow. “About what?”

Lila smirked, putting her mug down on a table. “Adrien and I are going public today, and we’d like you to stay out of it.”

Marinette inwardly growled. There was no way that could’ve been true! Yes, Lila was not so subtly trying to get Adrien’s attention for a while now, but as far as Marinette knew, Adrien was tolerating her antics only out of innate politeness and kindness of his heart, not affection.

“You’re lying,” she seethed. “Adrien had never mentioned—”

“That’s because he knew you don’t like me, and he wanted to spare your feelings since you’re his friend and all.” Lila shrugged. “But we’ve been secretly dating for a while now. Not anymore, though.” She smirked. “Adrien’s taking me out for lunch on our first official date today. But, to make it easier for everyone, I thought I’d warn you”—Lila’s face became stone-cold, her voice and glare matching—“stay out of my boyfriend’s life or you’ll regret it, Marinette.”

“What if I won’t?” Marinette barked without thinking twice. “He’s my friend. I have a right to—"

“You have absolutely no rights when it comes to my boyfriend.”

“I won’t believe it until I hear it from him personally.”

“You shall see it on the news tonight."

Lila’s sly smile promised nothing good as she stood up, picked up her coffee, and turned around to leave. Her hand swayed. Marinette’s blood ran cold because the mug in Lila’s hands tipped over, all of the coffee inside spilling all over Marinette’s desk, her sketches and her outfit. “Oops! Clumsy me.”

“You!” Marinette rushed to save what she could of her work.

“Stay away from Adrien or this will only be the start,” Lila whispered, leaning closer. “He’s mine.”

“Oh my gosh! What happened here? Marinette, are you alright?” Adrien suddenly appeared by her side.

“Adrien,” Lila cooed. “You’re just in time. We have to help Marinette. She spilled her coffee all over her hard work.” She picked up a few coffee-drenched papers, making a show out of trying to save them. “You’re such a klutz, girl. Let me help you before you do any more damage.”

Marinette glared at Lila, pressing her lips into a thin line.

“Marinette, are you okay?” Adrien took her by the shoulders and turned to face him.  

“Of course, she isn’t,” Lila interfered. “Just look at her: the poor thing’s all soaked. And doesn’t she look pale to you? She might be getting sick. We should ask your father to give her a day off. Or better yet send someone to do that. We don’t want to be late for lunch. I'll go call someone.”

The moment Lila stepped out of the room, Marinette looked at Adrien and asked, “Are you really taking her out for lunch?”

Adrien pressed his lips together, looking away as he nodded.

Lost for words, lost for actions, lost for anything, all Marinette could do was to stare at the ground.

“It’s not—”

“Oh my gosh! Marinette, what happened?” Alya pushed Adrien to the side and took her friend by her shoulders. “You’re all soaked.”

“Found her wandering down the hall,” Lila looped her hand around Adrien’s arm. “She’s here to pick up Marinette for lunch which reminds me that we need to go now or we’ll be late for our reservation. The girls can take care of this mess by themselves, right Marinette?”

Marinette wanted nothing more than to slap Lila and take Adrien away. He deserved so much better! How could he fall for Lila? Didn’t he see what kind of a person Lila was? Didn’t he know how she felt about her? How could he ask her advice on this? Tears pooled in her eyes. Adrien was her best friend. She loved him, but this hurt too much. It felt too much as a betrayal, and if Adrien cared for her so little as to ask her for advice on how to woo her enemy, then Marinette didn’t want him to see how much that pained her.

“I’ll be fine with Alya.” Marinette turned away to gather her papers. “This is my mess; I’ll clean it up. You should go.”

“What’s going on here?” Gabriel Agreste himself appeared behind them.

“Marinette spilled coffee all over herself and her work,” Lila rushed to explain.

“Father, I think—”

“You should clean up and take a day off,” Gabriel interceded. “I’ll give you an extension on those. Now, Adrien. Why are you still here? Don’t you have lunch to go to?”

Adrien glanced at Marinette, then to his father. His lips pressed into a thin line. “Yes, I do.”

"Then off you go. Mlle Dupain-Cheng would be fine without you.”

“Right.” Adrien reached forward to lightly touch Marinette’s elbow. “I’ll call you later,” he mouthed and walked out the room with Lila Rossi on his arm.

Adrien didn’t contact her until the very evening when exhausted from the day, Marinette put the work she took home away and went for a stroll.

Adrien: Hey. Sorry, I had a few things to settle. How are you?

She closed her eyes for a moment, before looking back at the Seine. The gentle lure of waves calmed. It mesmerized and relaxed. Marinette always came here when she was stressed, or tired, or needed a pick me up. She couldn’t explain it, but there was something soothing and healing about gazing at the passing-by waters of the Seine. Her own safe haven, a little oasis in the desert of stress and chaos. Today, Marinette needed it more than ever.

Adrien: Marinette? Is everything okay?

No. Nothing was okay, and she’d rather not talk to him now, but… years of friendship and her treacherous heart demanded otherwise. He hurt her, but it was also him, who she wanted to comfort her right now. Pathetic, she knew that, but better texts than face to face.

Marinette: Everything’s fine. Taking a walk.

Adrien: Where are you off to?

Marinette: [image 1509]

Adrien: Pont des Arts?

Marinette: You know your Paris well.

Adrien took five minutes to reply, but when he did, he did so in person. “I know you well. You always come here when you need to calm down or to think things over.”

Marinette whipped around. Adrien was standing just a few meters away. Trying to catch his breath, he ran his hands through his dishevelled hair to fix it back in somewhat decent shape.

“Adrien? What are you doing here?”

“I need to ask you something.” He walked closer, stopping only when Marinette was pressed flash against the bridge, his hands on either of her sides, his face inches from hers. "Why didn't you expose her?”

Marinette blinked. “What?”

“You didn’t spill that coffee. Lila did. And don’t even try to deny it. You never bring drinks in your office unless it’s in an air-tight container because you think you’re too clumsy.”

Marinette shifted her eyes to the side. “I am clumsy.”

“Just a tiny, adorable amount. Nothing serious.” He cocked his head to the side. “So? Why did you let her get away with it?”

Marinette looked away. She hated Lila and Adrien knew that. What did he expect her to say? Why did he even come here? He should go back to that liar girlfriend of his.

“It’s so unlike you. I want to know what’s going on.”

She didn't know what to answer him, so she remained silent.

“Marinette, please? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

“Then look me in the eyes and repeat that.”

She tried and failed. Adrien sighed and pulled her into his arms, whispering into her ear. “Marinette, please. Why did you allow her to walk all over you? You never did that before. What’s happened? You know I won’t leave you alone until you tell me.”

She closed her eyes. The gentle tone of his voice, the comforting wrap of his arms around her, his body’s warmth so close to hers… It stirred those damn butterflies at the pit of her belly, ripping through her heart at the same time… because he’d betrayed her. He’d fallen in love with the only girl whose guts Marinette hated more than anything and there was nothing either of them could do because who could control their heart? Adrien couldn’t help loving who he did… which, however, didn’t mean he could be so inconsiderate of her. He knew she hated Lila!

“Marinette?”

She pushed him away. It hurt to remain in his embrace any longer.

“Mari…”

“Leave me alone. Go to your girlfriend.”

His eyes widened as he stared at her in shock. “My girlfriend?”

“Lila.”

“Lila?!”

“Yes, Lila,” Marinette huffed, turning her back to him, her face to the Seine. “Can’t believe you had the audacity to ask me of all people for advice on that. You know how I feel about her!”

Her eyes focused on the rolling waves as Marinette waited for an answer that didn’t come for a few moments and not until Adrien walked to stand beside her, searching her face with his eyes.

“Just to make sure I understood you correctly: you think I’m in love with Lila?”

“Aren’t you? You took her to lunch just as you said you would.”

Adrien laughed, leaning on his arms to rest on the bridge. “Marinette, you know me better than that. I took Lila to lunch only because my father blackmailed me to do so.”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “A likely story.”

“No, really. He said Lila dug some dirt on him and her price for silence was me. And Father, knowing you’re my friend, threatened to fire you if I won’t comply.”

Marinette looked at him, her eyebrows knitted into a frown. “What?”

“Don’t worry, your job is safe, and I made it clear to both of them that I’m not taking part in any of their bullshit. If Father wants her silence, he’d better pay for it some other way.” Gently, Adrien cupped her shoulder, turning Marinette to face him. “Seeing what she did to you… it made me angry. I wanted nothing more than to protect you at that moment, and the best way to do that was to deal with the cause once and for all. So, I trusted Alya to take care of you, and I went with Lila only to ensure she won’t be troubling you again. And after that, I visited Father and we had a long talk about the situation. He won’t be bothering either of us again as well.”

Marinette stared at him for a few seconds before muttering without thinking. “What did you do?”

“Nothing significant. I explained to Father how serious I was about quitting Gabriel the moment you’re fired and we both know he can’t afford me walking out. Not with me owning half of the company in my mother's shares. Lila, though, was harder to get through. She kept dismissing me until I pretty much avenged you. Then she got the message loud and clear.”

As in a haze, she echoed, “What did you do?”

Adrien grinned. “I might have placed my plate of spaghetti in a strategic place for it to be accidentally tipped over and end up all over Lila.”

Marinette gasped. “What?!”

His grin widened. “I only placed it in the spot. She did all the job herself, and”—he leaned closer—“there might have been a reporter close by and he might have taken pictures if you are interested.”

“What? How?”

Adrien chuckled. “Lila hired someone to ‘witness’ and report on our ‘first date’. The guy reached out to me later to see if I wanted to buy the embarrassing pictures of ‘my girlfriend’ from him. I wasn’t interested, but I saved his card in case you are.”

Marinette stared at him for a moment, then erupted with laughter. “You’re horrible.”

“She deserved so much more after what she did to you.”

“Still, spaghetti?”

“Just using her own methods against her, and only because she wouldn’t listen to me when I was nice.”

Marinette chuckled. “Dork.”

“And you like me that way, don’t you?”

“I do,” she smiled, relaxing against the railing. She looked up at the stars and breathed in. So many worries for nothing. She should've trusted Adrien more.  

“Marinette?”

She hummed, turning to him.

He looked hesitant, moving closer. “Were you jealous?”

Marinette squeaked, her face flaring crimson, as she shook her head. “No! Why would I be jealous? I—”

“You looked like you were jealous.”

“No, I wasn’t!” Her face burned hotter with every moment.

Adrien chuckled before turning serious and reaching out to cup her face in his hands. His touch, gentle and warm, sent electrical current down Marinette’s body. He slowly started to lean in. Her eyes widened with realization, fluttering close the moment his lips hesitantly brushed against hers.

“The girl I’m in love with is you, Marinette,” Adrien whispered, searching her face for a reaction. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I’m the fool who couldn’t find the courage to confess to you for years without asking you to keep me accountable because I’m terrified my feelings will ruin our friendship, but I can’t keep it in anymore. I love you, Marinette.”

Dumbfounded, Marinette stared back at him wide-eyed. “Me? You love me?”

His lips tugged in a hopeful smile as he nodded. "Will you give me a chance? I promise I’ll make you happy if you’ll let me be more than just a friend.”

Marinette forgot how to breathe. “Adrien—I… I don’t understand. You said—I thought—”

She froze, seeing his face saddened, and shook her head. No! What was she doing? She’d dreamed of this moment for years and now that it was finally here, why was she stalling?

He slowly pulled his hands away.

She couldn’t let him misunderstand her even if her reaction was puzzling to her herself, so she grabbed the collar of his coat and pulled him down, crushing her lips against his.

Adrien stilled. Then wrapped his arms around her and angled his head to deepen the kiss. She let him press forward, pushing her against the railing of the bridge as their lips moved heatedly in tandem, years of pinned-up love and desire spilling out. It was only when the air became a necessity, she pulled away breathless and smiled at him.

“I love you too, Adrien. Have been for years.”

His face lit up.

“And just like you, I was too scared to confess. Looks like we’re both hopeless idiots.”

Adrien pulled her closer, burying his face in the crook of her neck as he pressed a lingering kiss to a patch of exposed skin he found there.

“I’ve wanted to do this for years,” he whispered.

“You could’ve if you’d asked,” Marinette replied, running her fingers through his hair.

He leaned into her touch, almost purring from the pleasure. “Can I now?”

“Yes.”

He growled lowly, tightening his hold on her. “Mine.”

She giggled, wrapping her hands around his neck. “Possessive much?”

“Very.” He grinned. “Marinette?” Without letting her go, Adrien pulled a key with a ladybug keychain on it out from his pocket. “Will you also consider moving in with me?”

“What?” Marinette blinked. “Right away?”

He shrugged. “It’s not like we need time to get to know each other better. We grew up together. We know what makes us tick and what we like. Why wait?”

Marinette smiled. Adrien was right. They did know each other well. And it wasn’t like she hadn’t dreamed of sharing her days, her nights, her happy and sad moments, her dreams and fears, her life, her everything with him for years. Why wait indeed? “I’d love to move in with you.”

Adrien grinned harder and pulled her in for another kiss. Slow and sweet, filled with longing, and need, and desire.

“In that case,” he added, his voice raspy as he drew away and, pulling a small box out of his pocket, dropped on one knee. “Will you also consider marrying me?”

Marinette gasped as Adrien revealed a gorgeous ring inside.

“Adrien, you’re insane. What are you doing?”

“I thought I’ll ask everything in one go,” he admitted. “It took me years to confess, and I don’t want to wait that long for the next step. So why not? We can have a long engagement if you want, or you can say No now and I’ll ask again la—”

“No, you really are insane,” Marinette kneeled beside him, cupping his cheeks and kissing him slowly. “How can I say No to you?”

He grinned. “Is that a Yes then?”

“That’s a Yes.”

He held her gaze for a few moments, giving her that goofy, happy smile of his before shaking off his stupor and sliding the ring on her finger. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my life.”

“Me too.”

“I already looked up hamsters in my local pet store. They’re keeping a few for us to choose from until next week,” Adrien murmured. “You did want a hamster, right? Three kids and a hamster. We'll start with the hamster and add kids later—"

Marinette laughed and grabbed him by his coat’s collar again, pulling him closer.

“As much as I’d love to talk kids and hamsters with you,” she whispered. “Right now, I need you to kiss me senseless. Leave the rest for later.”

A lovesick smile tugged at his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Marinette echoed, weaving her arms around his neck, losing herself to the caresses of the man she loved more than anything.

[ambidextrousarcher]

Sarcastic StarBharat Reviews-Episode 19: In which there’s more lotus melodrama and a lot of obstacle-themed talk.

Tagging @chaanv @ambitiousandcunning @mayavanavihariniharini @medhasree @shaonharryandpannisim @hermioneaubreymiachase @milesbianmorales @allegoriesinmediasres @avani008 @ratnas-musings @whydoyoucareaboutmyusername (I think I’m leaving out some people, sorry for that.)

Review under the cut.

Since the StarBharat writers are so fixated with associating Mr. Glitterwash with the lotus, I gave in to a curious impulse and searched its symbolism. Apparently, it stands for beauty and rebirth. Honestly, you need to go give THIS guy that symbolism? He ain’t any of that! Addition, credited to @ambitiousandcunning: The lotus symbolism is actually credited to Draupadi in canon, what with the ‘blue lotus fragrance’ et al. And Arjun and Krishna are ‘lotus-eyed’. Seriously, they’re stealing the symbolism of the three Krishnas and giving it to…Glitterwash. Yuck. Anyway, back to the task at hand. The review. The episode begins where the last one had ended. Just as Kunti is looking around, Glitterwash ducks out of sight to the Suryadev Sogaye BGM. The scene cuts to Adhiratha and Glitterwash. Glitterwash is being stopped by Adhiratha. “Let me go, Pitashree!” “I told you to stop.” “Pitashree, I want to go welcome them.” Okay…I think this is an extension of canon fail #40. This whole swagat scene is non-canon, I think. “Fool! Who told you to do this?” asks Adhiratha. “Why, didn’t you like it? I was only wanting to gladden the King.” “Gladden him? By fighting with him?” What? “You are better than any other Kshatriya in archery…” Wait. NO. NOPE. Just NOPE. He couldn’t defeat a kid at least a decade younger than him when he was older than this, you want me to believe he’s better than adults at this point? Sorry, I’m terrible at willful suspension of disbelief. When it comes to this git, anyway. I’m adding a canon fail. Canon fail #41. Also, I am skipping this dialogue, for the sake of my Mac. The gist is that the King will be angry that a Suta boy is better than Kshatriyas. (NOPE. I’ll keep repeating this, in your face, over and over) Glitterwash says that the King is not like that. He asks his father to look at the Queen, at the love on her face. What? IDK how you can see love on someone’s face from side profile, that too from the back. He also says that she’s just like Radha Maa. Man, quit the heavy handed bullshit! Just quit it! “Let me go!” he says. Adhirath stops him. Some tribal archers come to the fore. Vidur calls Honey Boy’s attention to them. “Look, Maharaj. Some tribal archers are here. They probably welcomed you.” Glitterwash strains at his father. The camera switches to the tribal archers kneeling. Honey boy is hailed. Vidur moves the chariot forward as Glitterwash tries to reach them to the tune of sad music. Scene switches to Mr. Annoying Poseur. “Four!” he says, dramatically moving a piece four paces. “Obstacles keep coming, but those who know how to cross them are never defeated.” “Some obstacles cannot be crossed, Shakuni,” says (who else?) Drama Queen. “They are the ties of fate,” He exhibits his immense ocular control once more. “Yes, Maharaj. You have said the truth. Some obstacles are ties of fate. Sanjay, now tell me, the obstacle in front of you, how can that be crossed?” “Well, if the dice drops 6, it will break.” “That is, dice can break your ties of fate, Sanjay,” Sanjay throws the dice, it drops on 4. “You have to form a friendship with dice,” says Poseur. “I am talking about life here, not dice!” says Drama Queen. “Life!” exclaims Poseur, laughing that annoying laugh of his. “I am also speaking of life, Maharaj. Our enemies walk on two legs, but we mistake them for human.” Drama Queen has had enough. “What are you talking about, Shakuni?” “Kumar Pandu, who has just gotten married. We’ll have to go to welcome them, won’t we?” Scene switches to Pandu and Kunti’s chariot galloping up the entryway to the palace. “Sister,” says Ambalika. “Has Gandhari not come yet?” “Sukhda said that Dhritrashtra commanded Gandhari not to welcome the newlyweds.” “But, Gandhari should be the one to welcome them, sister.” “Ambalika, the Rajguru’s wife welcomed Gandhari,” says Satyavati. “That was because no other wedded woman is there in the family. But when there is a wedded woman in the family and the aarathi is done by someone else, won’t that be ill luck?” “I won’t let anyone in the family be beset by ill luck, choti mata,” says Gandhari, who enters to the tune of triumphant music just as Pandu and Kunti are ascending the stairs to the Palace. After the obligatory pranipaats, Gandhari does the aarti. “Bhabhishree,” says Honey boy, “My wife wants to touch your feet, please bless her.” “What aashirvaad shall I give you, Kunti? You already have luck, children, youth and fame.” “Bless her that her wishes come true without any obstacles.” Scene switches to Annoying Poseur again. “Recognize the obstacles, Maharaj, and keeping throwing the dice. All obstacles will be dust.” Scene switches to the ladies blessing Ms. Melodrama and Honey Boy. “You are telling the truth, Matashree. Obstacles are actually removed through blessings,” Ms. Melodrama touches Ms. Always Patnidharma’s feet. “Where is Jyeshth Bhraata?” asks Honey Boy to Vidur. “His anger isn’t calmed yet?” Vidur gives a slight smile and a nod. Scene switches to a temple-like structure in a glade. “Kunti,” says Ms. Always Patnidharma, “In this temple only all the brides of the family place their preferred Gods’ statues. Give your idol to the Acharya for the safeguarding of your soul.” She obliges, the idol is placed, and all three women (Gandhari, Kunti and Sukhda) pray for a moment. “Jiji?” says Ms. Melodrama. “I have been blessed by everyone except Jyeshthshree, and nor have I seen him yet. Coming from Kuntirashtra to Hastina, my husband was talking about him only. His courage, his generosity, his love towards my husband. He said that if I get Jyesth’s aashirwaad then I won’t require God’s blessings. I don’t know if I have the right to say this or not, please forgive me, but, jiji, what I have heard in Kuntinagar has tensed me. Even if a new house is not decorated, it’s no issue, but if there’s a thorn in the garden, it’s not good.” she says. (Is there a thing in this family that the first-born sons are serious assholes? I mean, see Dhritrashtra, Yudigit and then Duryodhan). “There is no thorn in this garden, Kunti. Your Jyeshth has such a large heart that his brothers and their wives will definitely have a place in his heart. If you have heard that there is a fight between them, then it is untrue.” (Okay, how did she tell that whopper of a lie with a straight face?) “Some cunning fellow must have said it to you. Your Jyeshth Bhraata loves Pandu more than anything. If there is a fight between love and revenge, then love alone will triumph.” “Revenge alone will triumph!” says Poseur. “A Kshatriya fights, Shakuni, he does not use trickery.” “War!” says Poseur, laughing. “Revenge is also war, played with the brain. Do not misunderstand trickery. Those who are harmed by our doing call it trickery. Those who benefit from it call it a plan. In the game of life, Pandu has won by making the right moves. In my heart, too, there is only hate towards Pandu. But now, calming my mind, by driving away anger, we need to start a new game and defeat Pandu.” Drama Queen stabs the game board with a knife. Poseur preens. “Alert! The Maharaj Pandu is coming!” Honey Boy enters with Vidur. Poseur congratulates Honey Boy, saying that his victory in Kunti’s Swayamvar has gladdened Drama Queen and he said that Pandu can never lose. “Pranipaat, Jyeshth,” says Honey Boy. “Kunti and I are waiting for your blessings.” “I am at fault for the fact that my sister’s husband couldn’t come,” says Poseur. “He was saying again and again that you would have returned but I kept enticing him with one final game, then we’ll go.” “I have also heard that you have a lot of love for dice, Kumar,” says Honey Boy. He titters again. “Love! Consider them my wives, Maharaj,” he says. “My very obedient wives,” “Jyeshth, Kunti wanted to come her to take your blessings, with your leave, may I bring her.” “Yes, yes,” says Drama Queen. “No, no!” exclaims Poseur. “No, we should only go to congratulate her. It is her right that all should go to her to wish her. Maharaj, I request you to allow my sister’s husband to bless the Queen tomorrow morning. As we don’t have a present to give her. We have to give her a present, after all, because the person who should be blessed is both his daughter-in-law and also the Queen of Hastina.” “Alright. We will come to get your blessings tomorrow at dawn, Jyeshth,” says Honey Boy. “Certainly.” Honey Boy does a pranipaat and leaves. “You did well by saying that ‘certainly’ in the end, Maharaj,” says Poseur to sinister music. “It seems you have also started to understand the game of dice.” He titters. Uh-oh. Peacock feather. Skip. Mega Skip. This one is about taking decisions. Kunti enters her chambers and sees lotuses in the pond nearby. She picks one of them but is distracted by the sight of the black string on her hand. (Side note: Why the hell do these married ladies wear such big-ass necklaces in this show? I mean, it nearly came to her navel!) She flashes back to her friend saying that if a lie is spoken for personal gain, it is betrayal, but if it is spoken for saving oneself, it is not a betrayal, as long as this string is on your wrist, do not say anything to your husband about your past. “I will not start my life with a lie,” says Ms. Melodrama. Canon fail #42, I’d say, as there is no indication of Kunti ever almost telling the truth to Pandu in canon. “I will tell my husband about my past, even though I could not tell him about it on our journey. We were not alone. But today, as soon as he comes, the first thing I’ll do is talk about my past.” Scene changes to someone clanging a hammer on a chariot wheel. It’s Adhiratha. “Husband” says Radha, “Seeing Karn’s archery, how happy the King and the Queen were!” Extension of canon fail no. #41, y’all. I will point out every single canon fail committed by the depiction of Glitterwash. “Yes, they were moved. But if they knew whose son he is, this very emotion would have changed to anger, Radha. You know that Sutas have the right to steer a chariot, not fire arrows.” (Okay…I daresay the Kuru society might have been a bit orthodox, but no one bats an eye when Glitterwash studies with the Princes…yeah, Dron is casteist, but neither did Glitterwash actually pass the test for the Brahmastra) “But why, Pitashree? You only said that things done with perfection are always respected.” “Do not debate, Karn. When a man does his job perfectly, he is respected. If he does others’ work, only bitterness and competition arises.” “Husband, are you meaning to say that the King would compete with him?” “Not the King, but the Kshatriyas of the nation. It will ruin our lives.” “I think the King will be happy and felicitate it. And you only say that the man who protects those who excel is the true King.” “You are still debating, Karn! I am saying again and again that this is a question of our family’s safety. Not just us, but the whole society, and you’re still stubborn? Fine, do it. Here’s an arrow. Let the whole world know that a Suta who can defeat Kshatriyas has been born in Hastina. Whatever happens to me and your mother, we’ll suffer through it. Lift the bow and arrow. Go.” Uh..NO. NOPE. For one, Kichak is a Suta, and he defeats plenty of Kshatriyas too. Second, in whatever battle we see glitterwash in canon (usually against Arjun) he gets his ass whipped. Or runs away. It’s hardly this badass. Canon fail again. What number is this? #43. Sweeping title BGM plays as Glitterwash lifts the bow and arrow and leaves. “Karn…” trails off Radha. Glitterwash walks to the shore of the Ganga and stands there, eyes closed, offering up the bow and arrow. Precap: Ms. Melodrama takes off the black string as Honey Boy enters. She looks up. “Husband, I wish to tell you something. You need to dispense justice.” He smiles at her. “Tell me. What is it?” “Husband, the thing is…”     Note 1: We’ve crossed 25.99K words! I’ll round it off to 26K. (Seriously, even my novel is somewhere around 31K right now, this is gonna overtake it fast.) And this isn’t even the 20th episode yet. Note 2: From canon fail #27- canon fail #43, almost all of them are related in some way or the other to Mr. Glitterwash. Gosh. That’s nearly half of them. And he’s just a kid right now, I’d say there are hundreds of canon fails coming up, brace yourselves for a very salty scribbler in the future.

[mistersshelby]

the woman assassin | part two

part one | part two

hi!! thank you for reading part one, i hope you enjoy part two!! pls send me any feedback good or bad i like hearing from you! idk when part three will be up bc i’m kinda just fucking around with this but stay tunedddd. -S.

When they walk into his house, she tries to keep the look of awe off her face, taking in how large and grand his home is. She knew he was well off, everyone in Birmingham and even outside knew of the Shelbys… But this? 

A little boy turns a corner and starts running straight towards Tommy, yelling “Daddy!” over and over and for the first time Clara sees a smile stretch across Tommy’s face. He’s quite beautiful when he smiles.

Seconds after Tommy scoops the boy in his arms, a nanny rounds the corner with a baby girl in her arms who also reaches her outstretched hands towards Tommy. Clara has difficulty swallowing her jealousy as she watches him with his children, a hand reflexively coming to her now empty belly.

“Daddy, who’s that?” The boy asks as he looks over Tommy’s shoulder.

“Charles, Ruby, this is Miss Clara, she’ll be staying with us for a bit.” Tommy says, suddenly remembering Clara’s behind him. She warmly smiles and waves at them both.

Tommy, becoming serious again, hands the children back off to their nanny and waits until they’re out of the room to turn to Clara, “You are never to be alone with them, do you understand?” 

Clara stares at him, “Mister Shelby, I would never harm a child.” Tears burn at the back of her eyes as she thinks of her own child, killed before ever having the chance to live.

“I have no reason to believe that and I’ve put my children in danger with my work before. I won’t again and it’s not up for discussion.”

“When will I be here that you wouldn’t be?”

“Tomorrow when I go to discuss the conditions of our agreement with my family.”

“Shouldn’t I be there for that?”

“No. I will speak to you about it once the conditions have been set.”

She snorts, “Well that sounds very inclusive, thanks.”

Tommy stares at her before slipping his hand into his pocket and pulling out his cigarettes and lighting one, neglecting to offer one to Clara, “Mrs. Whitmore, you’ll do well to remember that I’m bringing you into my home generously when I could offer you up to the police who are very good friends of mine, probably for a hefty reward. I know you killed your husband and I know you’ve lied to me about your name and it would not take me long at all to discover what man you actually killed whose name is not Whitmore.”

Clara’s skin has paled significantly, but she doesn’t falter, “Are you threatening me?”

“I’m simply giving you a choice, Mrs. Whitmore. Either you do this my way and politely thank me for my hospitality or I go to the police, do I make myself clear?”

She glares at him, “Crystal, Mister Shelby.”

“Good,” He puts out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray, “I’ll show you to the guest room then.”

***

Clara has been staring at the ceiling of her temporary room for a while now, trying and failing not to think of her past, but with nothing else to do while Tommy’s away, traumatic memories play one after the other like a series of Hollywood films. Except there’s no happy ending.

She was almost drifting off to sleep when there was a loud bang from downstairs. Thinking it sounded like a gunshot, she shot up from bed and ran to the window. She didn’t see anyone outside, but there was another gunshot and now crying from the children Tommy had left in the house. 

She ran to the door of her bedroom, but it was locked from the outside. Swearing, she picked up a heavy metal vase and swung it at the doorknob until it broke and she could swing the door open. There were a couple more gunshots that sounded like they were coming from downstairs. She quickly glanced around the room for something she could use as a weapon and quickly grabbed the fire poker before heading in the direction of the children’s cries.

There was a lot of silence as she traveled to the children’s room and she wondered if she had imagined the whole thing. But the children were still crying, that much was true. Just as she was getting ready to put her guard down, bullets began penetrating the floor beneath her. One grazed her shoe and she tried to dampen the panic that threatened to suffocate her. The children were still crying which meant they were still alive, maybe injured. Where was the damn nanny?

When she went into the children’s room, the nanny was nowhere to be found. Just little Charles cradling Ruby to his chest in an attempt to calm her though his own face was stained with tears.

“Come, little one. I’m gonna get you both out of here.” Clara coaxed with her hand.

“Where’s daddy?” He asked miserably.

“He’ll be back soon.” She promised, “I’ll take you to him.”

“I don’t think you’ll be going anywhere, little lady.” A burly voice said behind her. Clara reacted immediately, spinning and swinging the fire poker blindly. The quickness of her attack knocked her assailant off guard and off balance which gave her time to knock the gun out of his hand. She kicked him to the floor for good measure before scooping up the gun and pointing it at his head. She could hear Charles whimpering quietly behind her as Ruby wailed.

“I don’t want to blow your brains off in front of the children,” Clara cocked the gun, “But I will if I have to. You have five seconds to get out of my sight.”

The man had his hands up and seemed to be shaking with fear, “Please—“

“One—“

“I— I have a family.”

“Then you better start running home to them, two.” He scrambled to his feet, stumbling. “Three.” He looks over his shoulder at her still raised gun as he stumbles away, “Four.” The man practically falls down the stairs and Clara sighs, this is absolutely pathetic. “Five.” She hears the door downstairs swing open and shut. Walking over to the window of the children’s room, she sees him running away from the house, looking over his shoulder every now and then to see if she’s followed. She uncocks the gun and sticks it in her boot before turning to the children. “Come now, let’s go find your father.”

“We don’t know you. Daddy said not to go anywhere with strangers.”

Clara smiled and kneeled down so that she was eye level with the boy, “That’s very smart of your Daddy, you can’t trust anyone these days. But do you think your Daddy would let a stranger stay in your home? I’m no stranger, love. Promise. Wouldn’t dream of hurting you. I just want to take you to your Dad, okay?”

Charles seems to consider this for a moment, looking from Ruby to Clara a few times before nodding. “Splendid. Let’s go get a car.”

“You know how to drive? I didn’t know women could drive.” Charles says in wonder.

Clara chuckles, “Women can do anything a man can, sometimes we do it even better than them.”

***

When they pull up to Shelby Company Limited, Charles immediately jumps out with Ruby in his arms and inside. Clara takes a moment to pull herself together before entering after him.

“—Miss Clara saved us though, knocked the bastard on his arse and then chased him out with his own gun. Then she brought us here.”

“Did she now?” Tommy spoke, smiling casually at his son while everyone else looked to be in shock. Ruby was being held by a woman Clara assumed to be Lizzie. “I see you passed my test.”

Clara blinked at him, “Your what?”

“That man. I sent him there. Wanted to see if you’d save your own arse or if you’d rescue my children. If you’re a peaky blinder now, I need to know that you’re not a coward and you’d be willing to stick your neck out for the rest of the pack.”

“You put your children in danger to test me?” Clara was seething now. Lizzie didn’t look too pleased either, but apparently knew enough to stay quiet.

“They were never in any danger. But, you? I told the man to kill you if you didn’t protect the children.”

Clara scoffed, “That pathetic excuse of a man? He couldn’t have killed me if my hands were tied behind my back. And you’re insane for ever risking your children’s lives like that. The irresponsibility, the selfishness. I would do anything to have children as beautiful as yours,” She blinks away the tears in her eyes, “But you would rather use yours as pawns in whatever game you think you’re playing. You’re a disgrace.” Clara spits before storming out.

It’s a few moments and some angry swipes at her tears later before she hears someone follow her, “I don’t want to be a fuckin’ Peaky Blinder anymore, you can call the police on me, I won’t take part in endangerment of children.”

“I already told you they weren’t in any danger.”

She rounded on him, “You don’t know that! You don’t know what that man would’ve done when you weren’t there! He could’ve missed! He was shooting through the floors from downstairs, did you tell him to do that?”

Tommy swallowed, “You’re right. I made a mistake.”

“You—“ Clara stopped, “What?”

“You’re right,” Tommy leans against a wall and pulls out his cigarettes, offering them to Clara, “I’m selfish. I love my children, but… I don’t think things through all the time. Need someone to keep me in line.”

Clara slowly takes a smoke from him before he snaps his case shut, “Isn’t that what your wife is for?”

He shakes his head, “Lizzie isn’t my wife.”

She frowns, “But… your wedding ring?”

“My wife died. Grace. It was my fault. I was always putting her in danger, too.”

Clara took a long drag, “I’m sorry.”

Tommy nodded in acknowledgement, “I’m sorry about your child.”

Clara froze, “What are you talking about?”

“It’s quite obvious with the way you talk about children. Is that why you killed your husband? Did he kill your child?”

She drops her cigarette to the ground and stomps it out, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He shrugs, “Okay, I’ll find out eventually. Would you come back to the house now so we can discuss the conditions of your employment?”

“I just told you I don’t want to be a Peaky Blinder.”

“And I just told you that I need someone to keep me in line.”

“It looks like you have a bunch of people to do that for you.”

He shakes his head, “These people, I love them, but… I don’t listen to them. They don’t know what they’re doing. I built this company from the ground. They just came along for the ride. Why should they know better than me?”

“But you think I would know better than you? I don’t know anything about business or a company.”

“No, you don’t. But you’re not selfish. You seem to care about people, maybe too much. I just need someone to tell me when I’m unnecessarily hurting others.”

“Those are some big assumptions to make about someone you just met and volunteered to murder a man almost immediately upon meeting you.”

He shrugs, “You volunteered to murder a bad man. You saved my children. Seems pretty fair to me. You’re also the only woman I know who could beat me in a fight which means you could physically keep me in check.”

“You think I could beat you in a fight?” Clara asked, eyebrows raised.

He puts out his cigarette, “I don’t really want to find out, but yes, I do believe you could. Will you please come with me back to my house so we can discuss your employment?” He repeated again.

Clara sighed, “Fine.” Tommy pushed himself off the wall and guided her to his car, opening the passenger seat for her, “What about the children?”

Tommy shut the door behind her, “Lizzie has them.”

“You seem to trust her an awful lot and she’s the mother of your child, but you don’t marry her. Why?”

He starts the car, “Why did you kill your husband, Clara?” She swallows and stays silent as he pulls away from the building, “That’s what I thought.”

“Can I have my knife back now?” She asks absently when the car ride became too silent.

“It’s locked up in my bedroom. I’ll get it for you later.”

“Will I still be staying in your house?”

He nods, “Until you kill Sabini, then we’ll figure out somewhere else for you to stay.”

“Does Lizzie live with you?”

He shakes his head, “What is your fascination with Lizzie?”

“Just trying to figure out your relationship. I’m curious to see who the infamous Thomas Shelby spends his time with.”

He pulls up to his enormous mansion and it once again takes Clara’s breath away, “Lizzie and I fuck occasionally and it’s nothing more than that. She happened to give me a child who I’m very grateful for and so I take care of her. I give her a job, I give her a home, I give her protection. That’s all. Satisfied?”

Clara shrugs, “Yeah, sure.”

Tommy comes around to open the door for her and they go inside, Clara following Tommy into his office. “Alright, the terms of your employment are fairly simple. You fight or dispatch anyone I order you to. You protect anyone I order you to. If you have reason to not want to dispatch the target I give, I’m willing to hear, but you’ll have to be very convincing. If at any point you refuse to dispatch a target and we cannot come to an agreement, I am free to terminate your employment. Understand?”

“What do I get in return?”

“I won’t turn you into the police for the murder of your husband, in fact I will order the police to stop searching for your husband’s murderer as soon as you give me a name. You’ll have a place to live and anything else you may need and you’ll be paid more than fairly every time you do a job for me.” He pushes a piece of paper towards her, “Here’s the written contract, I paraphrased everything, but it’s all there. You’re welcome to read it over before you sign, I want it on my desk by tomorrow morning. If you decide not to sign, you’re free to leave.”

“And you’ll tell the cops about me?”

He shrugs, “Haven’t decided.”

Clara bites her lip, “As a peaky blinder do I get to come to the meetings? Have a say in them?”

“No. Those are family only.”

“That doesn’t really seem fair. How am I supposed to keep you in line if I’m not at the meetings?”

Tommy eyes her carefully for a few moments before sighing and taking back the contract. He scribbles something quickly at the bottom and hands it back to her.

“‘Allowed at all meetings for Shelby Company Limited, but only allowed to speak to question Thomas Shelby’s moral decisions.’” She reads and then looks back to Tommy. He doesn’t so much as arch an eyebrow. Clara sighs, “Fine, good enough I guess.”

“This is a very generous offer.” Tommy said, sounding a bit tiffed that she wasn’t being grateful.

Clara’s pen glides quickly across the bottom of the page, she omits her last name, “Yeah, thanks.” It doesn’t sound genuine.

“I’m gonna need that name, to tell the police.”

“That’s okay, if they take me you can just come bail me out.” Clara smirked and walked out of the room.

“It won’t be hard for me to go to the police and ask them about the man who was murdered whose wife disappeared after.” He called after her.

“Then what are you waiting for, Mister Shelby?”

He stared after her shaking his head and, despite himself, he smirked.

***

okay so i’m gonna tag anyone who replied or reblogged the first post, if you want your name removed pls let me know (:

@mariamermaid @gingertaurus @tommy-scum @lil-black-heart

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok so I know some people in the fandom don't like talking about Magnus' past lovers because anyone that isn't Alec everyone just turns their heads but ok listen. Your last response about Magnus and queer history my head immediately went to Freddie Mercury and oh please I would like a little more insight on how they met and their relationship. The only thing we knew was that Magnus would go to his concerts and even drag his friends along. What I would give to learn more about them.

FUCK MY LIFE anon listen idk if you fully know what you're getting yourself into by asking me this because i am literally OBSESSED with Magnus' relationship with Queen and Freddie like im literally VIBRATING rn i was answering the questions in order but i just HAD to answer this one immediately because !!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck fuck fuck i love magnus' relationship with Freddie Mercury and Queen so much you dont understand, i have already made some posts and i still plan on making a playlist of Queen Songs That Remind Me Of Magnus but anyway hell yeah let's DO this

okay so first im gonna talk a little bit about how i view their relationship. now, they probably weren't in a very serious relationship, since theres this whole Magnus Locked His Heart Ever Since Camille thing, but Magnus and Freddie have SO much in common i cant really think this was just a fling, either. so here's what i think: magnus and freddie were good friends who sometimes hooked up and that definitely had chemistry to have something special, but it never happened because Magnus never fully allowed himself to give in to it and neither did Freddie - im assuming their relationship was in the 70s, since in the 80s Freddie met his husband, Jim Hutton, and at that time Freddie also had a hard time trusting and loving. also, Magnus was already in New York, so it couldn't have been too serious. but Magnus would go around to watch their concerts and every time he would find Freddie somehow (it wasnt that hard, really, you just had to go to the local queer scene) and they would sometimes hook up, sometimes just talk and enjoy each other's company, sometimes both. that's what i think it's most likely.

but the absolutely OFF THE CHARTS amount of vibing they must have done. i dont think you fully understand - unless you're a queenie trash bitch such as me - just how similar magnus and freddie are. here's a short, comprehensive list of Freddie Mercury Traits:

Freddie was seen and stereotyped as an overly sexual, lothario, diva and inconsequential kind of guy, and to some extent he put on this facade, but in reality he was extremely closed off and insecure and loving, and this was mostly a persona he put on to protect himself

Despite that whole persona, Freddie was an extremely compassionate guy who did everything he could to help others, particularly other queer people. His personal assistant, his chef, his chaffeur, all were other queer guys (sometimes his exes even) that had nowhere else to go and were in need of a job, and Freddie was just like "oh, would you look at that, you're hired now. I'm gonna pay you, hm, 3 million" it was so. When Jim lost his job Freddie hired him as a gardener. They literally met because they were talking in a club and Freddie was all like "lets all go to my house" and brought in a bunch of strangers to his home. That's the kind of guy he was. His house was always open as well

Freddie was loyal to a fault and a little bit too trusting, and was stabbed in the back a few times. The most well-known one is P*ul, who outed him against his will despite them having years of friendship, a blow that Freddie never fully recovered from, but there were others. Despite being a shy guy and reluctant to open up, he actually wore his heart on his sleeve and this sometimes ended up hurting him, a lot

Freddie felt absolutely lonely and like he was unworthy of being loved. This is not a secret, its a common theme in a lot of his songs, the most prominent of them being somebody to love. He wanted to be loved and taken care of but at the same time wouldnt allow himself

He was also very insecure. Jim says in his book that Freddie would frequently ask him, out of the blue, if he loved him, despite the fact that they were, you know, married (not in the paper, of course, but Jim bought him wedding rings and Freddie called him his husband, so i consider them married)

He was constantly scared of being an inconvenience. When he found out he had AIDS, his first instinct was to tell Jim that if jim wanted to leave him he would understand. Jim, of course, said that was bullshit and he wouldnt leave Freddie because of that

He was a perfectionist and always wanted to do his absolute best, nothing less. He was also a creative genius as we all know

He loved cats and would bring random cats into his home constantly

He loved fashion and pretty things

He was a queer, gnc man of color

He had a pretty protective side to him; queen's bassist, John Deacon, was extremely shy and said that Freddie pretty much shielded him from the press attention, and also helped him polish his song writing skills and always wanted him to do his best. After Freddie died, John quit the showbusiness.

I mean, remind you of someone? Holy fucking shit, i nearly lost my goddamn mind when they mentioned that he hooked up with Freddie, because they're so similar in their issues and insecurities and interests it's almost meta. I don't know if that was on purpose or not, but i thank the sh writers every day for that line tbh honestly i am so blessed

Unfortunately i think they might kind of be too similar - you get two very insecure, afraid to be hurt people who kind of have a persona together and it's kind of hard to have them have a meaningful relationship. But where Freddie was shy, Magnus was extroverted and easygoing, and there were always parties (something the both of them loved) and they had enough common interests to bond over. Also, they both couldnt help but wear their heart on their sleeves, even when they tried not to. And i mean, i am 100% sure that Magnus absolutely loved Queen, because 1- who doesnt? 2- the songs are so intense and heartfelt and beautiful and theatrical and that's right on magnus' alley; 3- the lyrics just speak to him, because there Freddie was, writing about wanting to be loved and fearing to open himself up, and there was also Brian writing all these songs about seeing your loved ones die, and Roger was a domestic abuse victim - there was just so much for him to relate too. So i can definitely see Freddie and Magnus staying up awake late at night, looking at the window and talking about themselves, their fears, the personas they have created and how hard it is to break out of them, when they were alone in a hotel room and everyone else who was at the party was gone. Just the two of them, having heart-to-hearts, then sleeping, but the next day the magic was gone and they were both back to guarding themselves - also, Magnus was avoiding getting involved with mundane men, if you go by my headcanon. so there was just too much holding them back

but it was still an important relationship that helped the both of them learn more about themselves and get a little more used to opening up and allowing themselves to talk about themselves. they didnt really break up as much as drift apart - Freddie had the band and Magnus was high warlock of Brooklyn and the political tensions in the downworlder community were high. But they both got their happy endings after all - Freddie met Jim and they were together until the end of his life, and Magnus met Alec, who will be with him for the rest of eternity too because i said so :) so its all good, in the end, and Freddie will always have a special place in magnus' heart, as both an amazing human being that he was honoured to meet and someone who was really, really important to magnus and that helped him become who he is today and be a little happier and more comfortable with himself

he still loves queen and listens to them constantly. sometimes its bittersweet to think about him, but most times its just good to hear these songs that mean so much to him and think of how far theyve both gone

[silverlightqueen]

k-pop opinions

so y’all I was watching some unpopular kpop opinion videos on youtube and omg, a bitch has so much to say like they were all just so wrong, so here I am with some of my opinions (and idk how to make youtube videos so you’re just gonna have to settle for this)

disclaimer: if you disagree with any of my opinions…. I don’t care lmao

1.      BTS vocal line is fantastic and versatile 

I’m not gonna claim to be a musical expert here, but all four of the boys in the vocal line are so talented. everyone hypes rap line (and they deserve it too) but I rarely see stuff about how amazing vocal line is, and they’re so versatile (examples = Jin in Awake and Dionysus, Jimin in Lie and Serendipity, Taehyung in Stigma and DNA, and Jungkook in Boy In Luv and Begin). also, to those who say BTS can’t sing well live, here are some videos to prove that wrong

 Hold Me Tight - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsQget6baP8 (Jimin’s high note though🤩)

Fire - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbSy36fu6Pk

Save Me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BN-atw8wCw

Spring Day - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMqmnhgNLXY (ft Hoseok’s beautiful vocals too)

Stigma - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwoPKn_qh8k (Tae literally ate a CD before this, idc)

Let Me Know - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIKjNauCHzc (another Jimin high note)

Awake - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gCt0UlkMZU (my favourite Jin performance of all time)

Begin - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqUejlb0z1o (JK’s stability also needs a shoutout because damn, he could be running a marathon and his voice is still stable asf)

Euphoria - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4oRxgvoDCc (that little switch up he did in the bridge whilst flying through the air omg)

 2.      Twice’s cute concept suits them and that’s it

before I got into Kpop, I used to just see at as cringy bubblegum pop and never saw myself liking that. and then I heard Twice’s Fancy. that shit slaps and I won’t hear anything else. the girls pull off the cute concept so well, and the outfits and mv visuals are amazing like Twice is owning it. I’m not really a Twice fan but I’ve listened to some of their other title tracks and I think they’re really good, like Twice do the cute concept really well. also, Mina, Sana, Nayeon and Jihyo’s vocals during the bridge give me chills, they sound amazing)

 3.      if idols can’t sing/rap/perform well live, they shouldn’t be idols

I’m not aiming this at anyone in particular, so don’t get mad and start defending your faves in the comments, but the whole kpop culture is live performances. idols do live performances all the time, much more often than western artists, and so it is so important that they can perform live well. this includes vocal stability, volume, strength, breath control, everything.

 4.      stop putting female artists in dresses/skirts so short that we can see their shorts underneath

performing live to an audience is hard; I know, I’m a dancer, and I’ve done it (not to audiences as big as ones of k-pop artists obviously, but the point still stands). when you’re onstage, you want more than anything to feel comfortable so you can give a performance to the best of your ability and feel proud of yourself afterwards. I’m sorry, but I find it hard to believe that these female idols feel comfortable dancing in clothes that are so short and so tight. they can barely move properly, which limits the effort they can put into the choreography, making them seem lazy. I’m not saying this because I disagree with sKiMpY cLoTHiNg but I just think it’s ridiculous and must be uncomfortable for the female idols. it also limits the complexity of their choreographies, which is when you get shitty, boring and unentertaining choreographies, in comparison to some boy group choreographies. I’m sorry, but if I was following certain boy groups performances at an award show with a simple choreography like ddu-du ddu-du (no shade, I love it, it’s just simple), I’d be a little bit embarrassed lol

 5.      Blackpink have so much potential and YG just doesn’t use it

I don’t even know where to start. there isn’t a single blackpink song out there that I don’t like; their vocals and rap are good, choreography and visuals are good, everything is good. but they could be so much better. first of all, Rosé’s voice is so beautiful and unique and I don’t know why they make her sing in that stupid voice. it’s going to start damaging her voice soon enough and I don’t know why they do it. second, Jisoo’s voice is so amazing and she always has the least lines. I just think her voice is beautiful but she’s so underused in their songs. third, Lisa is such a good dancer, but the Blackpink choreographies don’t do her justice. they need to give her little solo bits in the choreos or something because her talent is just going to waste.

 6.      Blackpink are overhyped

controversial, and before y’all start, I love Blackpink like tattoo blonde Jennie in the KTL teaser on my forehead please, but it needs to be said; Blackpink don’t deserve the hype they get. this point links in with the point above because omg they literally have like 15 songs, and they’ve been around for like 3 years. they haven’t even released a full album like damn YG be clowning us, stanning a group that’s never released an album. I’m sorry, but they get so much hype, when there are other groups out there, that are so much more versatile, their choreographies are better, their songs are better, they’re just better in general. I’m not blaming the bp girls for this because we all know it’s YG’s fault. if maybe they had the chance, with better choreographies, better songs, better everything, then they would be deserving of the hype they get

 7.      STOP SENDING HATE TO BLACKPINK WHEN IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT, IT’S YG THEY’RE THE MOST HATED ON GIRL GROUP AND THEY DON’T DESERVE IT LEAVE THEM ALONE

8.      NCT 127 line distribution is a joke and I don’t know why it hasn’t been spoken about more

the fact that in Regular, Taeyong and Mark both have more than 30 seconds each, and Winwin doesn’t even have a full 5 seconds is ridiculous. in Cherry Bomb, Taeyong and Mark both have more than 40 seconds and Johnny has less than 9. SM need to distribute lines between them more effectively, or cut down the members in the group (and one of them is a much better choice than the other). they’re all talented but SM only seems to recognise Taeyong and Mark and idk why tbh.

 9.      being told to stan someone will make me want to stan them even less

no shade at the group themselves, but all I see on twitter is Loona stans saying to stan Loona (it’s not just Loona but that’s the one that comes to mind). you telling me to stan them doesn’t make me want to stan them. I’m sure they’re super talented and nice people, but I now have no desire to find that out for myself.

 10.   ARMY are constantly being shit on for being a nEgATiVe fAnBaSe when the majority of ARMY are amazing, generous and kind people

obviously, every fanbase has toxic fans, that goes without saying, but for some reason, ARMY has a reputation amongst the kpop community for being toxic and negative, and I just don’t see it. every time someone who doesn’t know about BTS tweets about them, all the replies are ARMYs gently and kindly educating them, giving them links and pictures so they can learn more. they’ve donated so much money to charity and done so many charitable things under the boys names, and the ARMY community is just full of amazing wonderful people. stop shitting on us for no reason, y’all just hate us because your faves probably like them too lol

 11.   you can’t call yourself a stan of a group if you don’t like all the members

in my opinion, I don’t see how someone could call themselves an ARMY if they don’t like all of BTS, a Once if you don’t like all of Twice, a blink if you don’t like all of Blackpink, an EXO-L if you don’t like all of EXO, a NCTzen if you don’t like all of NCT, etc. imagine the members’ reactions, like I just don’t think you can be a stan if you don’t like all of them members.

 12.   FANCY IS A BOP I KNOW I’VE ALREADY SAID IT BUT I DON’T CARE, I WILL LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, LIKE I’LL PLAY THAT BITCH AT MY WEDDING LMAO

 13.   please stop putting people into groups just for their looks

like I’m sorry but how can you put someone who can’t sing/dance/rap into a kpop group, make it make sense. by doing that, it also teaches people that you can get far based on your looks and your looks only (and don’t start bringing models into this because y’all know damn well it’s not the same thing). I get the idea of a visual, sure, but if they can’t sing or rap as well, what’s the point? 

 14.   STOP CALLING NAMJOON AND JIN BAD DANCERS. THEY MUST HAVE SEEN THAT SHIT ON TWITTER (AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT IHEART RADIO THING) AND HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES THEM FEEL AFTER THE YEARS OF HARD WORK AND EFFORT THEY’VE PUT INTO THEIR DANCING. THE FACT IS THAT THEY CAN PROBABLY DANCE BETTER THAN MOST OF Y’ALL SO SHUT IT AND LET THE SYNCHRONISATION IN SAVE ME AT KCON TALK INSTEAD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bija-HneHNI

 15.   Not Today’s line distribution is still a joke and I will never get over it

Jin has less than 5 seconds and JK has over a minute. I don’t think I need to say anything else because y’all should agree with me

 16.   kpop culture is so toxic and then y’all wonder why locals call us crazy

fanwars, solo stans, streaming wars, ‘maybe they should’ve stanned ___’, etc. are just some of the things that back this statement up. not just the culture with stans, but also the companies and idol lifestyle is really bad, overworking idols is one thing that bothers me, but mainly the whole weight thing. the fact that trainees literally starve themselves to fit the companies’ standards is so wrong and disgusting on so many levels. people don’t have to be stick thin to be successful like I don’t understand. it’s so unhealthy, it puts lives in danger, and it also encourages fatphobia.

 17.   STREAM EPIPHANY BITCHES ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIkZOLsnoqY )

 18.   you’re allowed to stan one member of a group, but hating on other members of that group or liking all members and hating on one is trash and you deserve no rights if you do that

that’s it from me, discuss and debate with me in the comments or drop me an ask (but don’t bother sending hate bc i’ll just ignore you lol), if this doesn’t flop I’ll do some more bc god knows I've got enough to say...…. um stream epiphany and fancy bye

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Give me strength so I don't kill a bitch Janis: serious Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: I can't fuck you if you're in prison, remember Jimmy: unless this is you proposing Jimmy: so romantic 💕 Janis: Can't believe you won't fake marry me Janis: 💔 Jimmy: never said I wouldn't Jimmy: you haven't fake asked Janis: sure, trust you to wanna be savage about it Janis: dickhead 😏 Jimmy: I'm giving you chance to be #goals and 💍 me Janis: that's the vows is it Janis: be #goals forever and ever Jimmy: do you take this girl to be your lawfully wedded dickhead Jimmy: yeah alright Janis: 😂 Janis: such an idiot Janis: but at least you're funny Janis: teach Mia something, yeah Jimmy: no tah Jimmy: I know the kind of shit she wants me to teach her Janis: 😒 don't Janis: I'm already this close to actually smacking her without that mental image Jimmy: wait til I'm off work before you knock her out Jimmy: if you love me Janis: as bad as Grace Janis: start selling tickets Jimmy: we all wanna be there with pom poms & 🍿 Jimmy: don't be shy Janis: yeah I'm so sure Janis: you'll get your chance to wear the skirt one day, babe Janis: don't worry Jimmy: 💔💔🎻🎻🎻 Janis: mm Jimmy: I'm gonna show up & 💍 when you're about to smack her Jimmy: put you off 'cause you don't want me there Janis: you probably would Janis: love nothing more than shaming me Janis: but I ain't giving you my location so good 🍀 Jimmy: & you love the angle but fine I won't get down on my knees for you Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: pissed on your own parade there, girl Janis: shut up Janis: distracting me Janis: gotta be on my A game, boy Jimmy: you're too busy shutting her up to make me Jimmy: & she don't need your A game Jimmy: a breeze would turn her bones to dust Janis: you on my side or not, boy Janis: ain't a tag-team effort between you and her is it Jimmy: nah I'm dumping you for her & this is how I'm letting you know Janis: ah well Janis: your girlfriend is about to get fucked up Janis: soz about it Jimmy: she can lick her own wounds 🐍 perks Jimmy: it's alright Janis: boring Janis: but if that's what you're into these days Jimmy: once I teach her what to do with that 👅 I'm set for life Janis: disgusting Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 😑 Janis: go away Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: how many rounds you going? Jimmy: come see me after Janis: you're rude Janis: but like you said, ain't gonna take much, is it Janis: sure Jimmy: good Jimmy: I miss you Janis: I miss you too Janis: this is all easier to ignore when you're about Jimmy: I'm going nowhere Jimmy: still smack her though 'cause neither is she Janis: 👍 Janis: long time coming Janis: but I'll try not to kill her Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I'll help you hide the body, don't worry about it Jimmy: #peakromance Janis: have to be good Janis: it's how her dad shows he cares, appaz Jimmy: smacking her about? Jimmy: #relatable Jimmy: or hiding the bodies of her enemies Janis: 😬😂 Janis: nah though, threatening legal action if anyone dares to talk back to her, never mind smack her one Jimmy: the bodies thing is probably true too Jimmy: I ain't seen Gracie for a while is all I'm saying Janis: 🤞 Janis: sadly, 'less Mia gave her wifi in her grave Jimmy: what's the point of 💀 if you can't liveblog it #duh Janis: turn your location on girl Janis: maybe dig you up 'fore you suffocate Jimmy: might do Jimmy: might not do Janis: obvs gotta make her promise to change her ways Jimmy: 👍🍀 Janis: you're right Janis: maybe just let her 👻 Jimmy: not an invitation for me & her to be #couplegoals though Jimmy: your 👻 lad only Janis: swear to God she better keep her ghost hands to herself Janis: or I'll kill her properly Janis: send her 😈🔥 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: she'll be waiting for me there getting more 💕😍 then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: she can wait Janis: you said you're staying Jimmy: I am Jimmy: unless you send me away Janis: not gonna send you to hell Janis: have to fuck me off a lot more than this Janis: soz to disappoint Jimmy: not to be that dickhead but Jimmy: it's hell wherever you ain't Jimmy: so not much to do Janis: baby Janis: you're so genuinely #goals sometimes it hurts Jimmy: I'm not actually trying to distract you right now Jimmy: I swear Jimmy: I'm just Janis: hot Janis: I know Janis: ain't your fault, really Jimmy: I just love you Jimmy: & that is your fault Janis: I'll own it Jimmy: alright then Janis: not just 'cos I love you too Jimmy: course not Jimmy: but it'll do me that you do love me too Janis: you know I do Janis: a lot Jimmy: gimme more though Janis: how Jimmy: I'll let you know Jimmy: other than accepting my proposal obviously Janis: alright 😏 Janis: please do Jimmy: 👌 Janis: right, this is actually happening Janis: accept the charges if I have to bell you from jail, yeah? Jimmy: I suppose Jimmy: make me feel like the tables have turned, yeah rich girl Janis: if you like Janis: roleplay, fun Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: keeping it #goals baby Janis: [fight] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: 🥇🥇🥇🥇 Janis: you know it Jimmy: start running now Jimmy: 👮🚔 Janis: way ahead of you, babe Janis: as per Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: SUCH an athlete Janis: you'd reckon so if you saw her face Janis: that felt good Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how long you got left of your shift Jimmy: hour & a half Jimmy: come here when you're done running victory laps Jimmy: I've saved my last break Janis: Good Janis: gotta channel this energy somewhere Janis: and I want you Jimmy: just don't get her blood on me Jimmy: this ain't the CG none of the customers are thick enough to believe it's Halloween Janis: 🤞 Janis: I'll clean up Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: I wanna do it Jimmy: but we don't have time Janis: we'll make the most of what we do still Janis: don't be sad, baby Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I know but Jimmy: I want more time Janis: after Janis: not that long to wait Jimmy: it feels like Janis: always does Janis: whenever we have to be around other people even Jimmy: you reckon it's ever getting any easier or nah Jimmy: 'cause bit rude Janis: try and be less fuckable Janis: idk Jimmy: how Janis: alright bighead Janis: true but Janis: no one likes a showoff Jimmy: you do Janis: bit Jimmy: loads Janis: maybe Janis: if you really make the most of your break, like Jimmy: no challenge but still accepted Jimmy: I want you so much Janis: you know I love you Jimmy: I love you too Janis: I'm glad you exist Janis: everyone else is shit Jimmy: you Jimmy: you're the only one I care about Jimmy: let's go somewhere when I'm done here Jimmy: I'll call in sick tomorrow Jimmy: it don't even matter Janis: okay Janis: if you're sure obviously I want to Janis: where Jimmy: let's just not come back until my next shift Jimmy: fuck school Jimmy: where do you wanna go? Janis: yeah? Janis: I don't care Janis: anywhere with you Jimmy: we can just get on a train or whatever then Jimmy: I don't give a fuck either Janis: my nan and granddad have a caravan not far away Janis: but far enough Janis: might work Jimmy: is anyone else in your massive family likely to be using it Janis: eurgh Janis: shouldn't be but Janis: how to subtly check without telling everyone where we are 🙄 Jimmy: it's alright we'll just leave if anyone else turns up Janis: it'd only be nan and granddad in term time anyway so we've got good odds of being left alone Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: let's do it then Janis: okay Janis: I'll hang around 'til you finish then Janis: no point going home Jimmy: I'll have to Jimmy: pack a bag & chat to the kids about it Jimmy: but we can go after Janis: yeah Janis: 'course Janis: they'll be alright, yeah Jimmy: you want me to pack shit for you seeing as you ain't going home Jimmy: all I can do is let 'em know I ain't just fucking off Jimmy: my dad too I'll pen him a note so he don't bell the 👮🚔 Jimmy: It ain't gonna be good but neither is this, here now Janis: if you like Janis: I don't care but you might once I start to stink Janis: probably a plan Jimmy: I'll just throw you in the shower, girl 💪 Janis: like to see you try Janis: have you know I'm undefeated, boy Jimmy: then you'll see me try Jimmy: I'm ready Janis: you've always been a very gracious 🥈babe Jimmy: oi Jimmy: come here & call me a loser Janis: come on, there's no losers babe Jimmy: easy to say when you're the winner, babe Janis: how bad does losing feel though, really Janis: you know it's still good Jimmy: I'll show you in a bit Jimmy: 🥇 me Janis: 😏 Janis: we'll see then Jimmy: just remember to tell me how it feels, alright Janis: do my best Janis: you do make it hard to speak though sometimes so Jimmy: do my best Jimmy: please be on your way Janis: I am Janis: time me if you wanna Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 👌 nerd Janis: [5 mins or w/e] Janis: come out here and say that to my face Jimmy: [does] Janis: [kisses his face] Jimmy: [kisses her neck] Janis: [noise like oh hey] Jimmy: [tells her how long she took to get there cos also a nerd] Janis: [pouty like nu-uh!] Jimmy: [pouty lip thing for life] Janis: ['I missed you' and showing him] Jimmy: [says it back & likewise cos they don't have a lot of time] Janis: [enjoy lads] Janis: do you think I should go get some stuff Jimmy: you should stay with me Janis: okay Janis: go make me a drink then, boy Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [we know the drill he's making it but looking at her like 😍] Janis: you're cute Janis: I can't wait to go Jimmy: you Jimmy: you can go to mine & pack for us & make it quicker Janis: I could Janis: still have to talk to the kids though Jimmy: just don't pack the 🐶 Jimmy: can give 'em a ring though Jimmy: might not even be there Janis: 💔 but baby Janis: cool, long as you're sure Jimmy: [shrugs at her from behind the counter] Jimmy: it ain't gonna go decent however I say it Jimmy: so whatever Janis: you still wanna though Jimmy: we're going Jimmy: if I have to listen to every dickhead talking about your #girlfight for the next week I'll 💀💀💀 Janis: 🙄 Janis: she thought Janis: got the scratches to prove it Jimmy: sexy Jimmy: but it's not gonna convince me to stay here Janis: I ain't trying to convince you Jimmy: you've already convinced me to go Jimmy: I've got the marks to prove it too Janis: 😏 Janis: trust me, you had more fun than I did Janis: even if it was pretty satisfying Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: you'll have fun with me Jimmy: if you ain't had enough just now which 💔 Janis: never enough Janis: not a diss Janis: brag if anything, your speciality Jimmy: good save, girl Jimmy: come get your smoothie Janis: okay lemme just enjoy the view for a sec longer Janis: [then does] Jimmy: lemme just enjoy that view for as long as possible Janis: knew there was a reason you were asking me to leave Jimmy: [is 😏] Janis: [keeps looking back] Janis: stop looking at me like that Jimmy: [gives her an even hotter look instead cos he be like that] Jimmy: miss you already Janis: I definitely miss you more Janis: only got yourself to blame Jimmy: sounds like a challenge that Janis: challenge to behave Janis: for once Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: I give you a minute before you're changing your mind & wanting me not to Janis: 💪 Janis: challenge accepted Janis: I'm tough, tah Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I only wanna be 💕 Janis: you're rude Jimmy: if you like Janis: you know how bad I want you but we can't Janis: so very rude Janis: actually Jimmy: we can Jimmy: just Jimmy: another ⏲ going for that Janis: it's not long is it Janis: make it worth it Jimmy: when you've got to mine, packed and 🐶💕 I'll be done Jimmy: promise Janis: okay Janis: we can do this Janis: think how long we're gonna have Janis: just us Janis: and nothing to do Jimmy: just you to do Janis: not a chore, is it? Jimmy: ask me at the end of the week Janis: 😂 piss off Jimmy: just saying Jimmy: you love dickheads but do you love 'em 24/7 Janis: like we spend loads of time apart as is 😏 Janis: don't worry, there's more than one room if you're testing me Jimmy: 😂 piss off Janis: but I ain't getting in those tiny twin beds so Janis: be nice Jimmy: I am Jimmy: always nice me Janis: nah Janis: but I wouldn't like you if you were Jimmy: I reckon I could still get you to like me Janis: really? Janis: is this you admitting you are a bit of a 🤓 Jimmy: I'm admitting nowt til we're out of reach of the 👮🚔 Jimmy: life of crime starts so soon Janis: watch out Skerries Janis: 👊 Jimmy: Bonnie & Clyde 39 Janis: I'll straighten my hair so I can get my #whitepassing priviledge then 👍 Jimmy: weren't there a promise about never doing nowt like that Jimmy: except you reckoned you never would anyway Jimmy: don't 💔 me that ain't part of the crime spree Janis: well excuse me for not wanting to be shot, white boy 😂 Jimmy: if you ain't willing to die for me, Juliet we can call this off right here Janis: I thought I told you to stop being so suicide-pact-y Janis: don't want anyone to actually ring garda, like Jimmy: you say suicide pacty I say #ultiimategoals Jimmy: but FINE 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: don't Janis: actually giving out gracie vibes and terrifying me Jimmy: #whenyouvetakenthewrongtwinontherun Janis: ask her Janis: sure she's still up for it Jimmy: don't Jimmy: course she is Janis: you're such a cocky dickhead Jimmy: why you like me Janis: 😒 Janis: why she does too, obviously Jimmy: ain't my fault you two are #twinning with your tastes, girl Janis: fuck off Janis: you ain't had to misfortune of meeting any of her exes Jimmy: just the one Janis: he don't count Jimmy: my KO still does though Jimmy: & do any of 'em count as exes if she's fucking 'em still Jimmy: arguably not Janis: shut up Janis: don't be gross Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: I ain't suggesting you join in or owt Jimmy: me either Janis: why are we talking about her Jimmy: you brought her up Jimmy: & her exes Janis: well now I'm ending it Jimmy: alright Janis: take the dog for a shit whilst I'm at it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: write my dad a note Jimmy: such a way with words you Janis: ha Janis: funny Janis: he'll say I've kidnapped you just to fuck w me Jimmy: nah he'll say I've legged it Jimmy: loves to tell the others I don't give a shit & he does Jimmy: he can't turn 'em against you with that big house & dog training 🏆🏆 Janis: can definitely buy love Jimmy: if not love then less hatred Janis: works for me Jimmy: works for Ian too Jimmy: fucked himself on respect though Jimmy: don't have enough of a wage packet for that Janis: 💔 Janis: don't know how many times I've told him we could be bezzie mates Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: you're fucking the wrong family member for that one Jimmy: even if you were doing him it'd be a stretch Janis: why you tryna hurt me rn Jimmy: save him a job Jimmy: since he don't do the ones he has Janis: too good, you Jimmy: yeah Janis: tragedy Jimmy: 🎭 Jimmy: let's say it's a comedy Janis: if you like Janis: again, works for me Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: you ain't unlocked enough 💕 or 💸 to reveal my tragic backstory, soz Janis: backatcha Jimmy: works for me Janis: she's pissed everywhere Janis: 😑 Janis: gonna need to start charging more Jimmy: send Ian the bill Jimmy: he'll love that Jimmy: also feel free to leave it for him to sort Janis: we all know she's your 💕 Jimmy: yours Janis: sure Janis: whatever you say Janis: I'll keep your secret Jimmy: just 'cause you've given yours away by being so blatant Jimmy: leave it & me out tah Janis: you wish Janis: 🖕 Janis: such a mystery Jimmy: you wish, Jillian Janis: mhmm Janis: now who's blatant Jimmy: open book with a forgettable name you Janis: then forget it Jimmy: I do Jimmy: loads Jimmy: just happened then Janis: forget us going away if you're gonna be such a twat Jimmy: what are you on about Jimmy: I'm a twat everywhere & anywhere Janis: whatever Janis: go do some work Janis: ain't in the mood Jimmy: you're not serious Janis: we can still go Janis: just Jimmy: what Janis: I don't know Janis: genuinely Janis: forget it Jimmy: has that worked any time you've said it Jimmy: or made things weird Janis: so it's all my fault Janis: cool Jimmy: did I say that Jimmy: nah I said telling me to forget it ain't gonna make it happen Janis: you also said I make things weird all the time so Jimmy: you do Jimmy: so do I Janis: not what you said Jimmy: you were being weird before I said it so Jimmy: what's the problem Janis: I just don't want to think about my family Janis: let alone talk about them Janis: that's what this is about, alright Jimmy: it weren't like I wanna hear about 'em Jimmy: no begging here Janis: don't then Janis: hear enough without you adding your voice to the conversation Jimmy: a conversation you started Jimmy: but yeah whatever I'll shut up Jimmy: like you said, loads of work I could be doing Janis: if you like Janis: bye then Jimmy: if you like Jimmy: which you obviously do Janis: I'm telling you I don't Jimmy: you're also telling me to shut up Jimmy: so what the fuck do you want me to do Janis: why do I have to know Janis: work it out Jimmy: why do I have to work it out Jimmy: like this is a challenge all of a sudden Janis: it is Janis: ask anyone Janis: if you don't want to then don't Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: no it's not Jimmy: if you don't want to push me away then don't Janis: as if it's as easy as choosing Jimmy: it's trying which ain't easy but what the fuck is Jimmy: this? Jimmy: I don't think so Janis: I am trying Jimmy: good Jimmy: when you wanna try harder you know where I am Janis: fuck off Janis: you patronizing prick Jimmy: that's the easy route right there Jimmy: take it Jimmy: go on Janis: no it ain't Janis: 'cos I need to go Jimmy: then go Jimmy: like I said, easy Janis: I wanted to go with you Janis: dickhead Jimmy: I was gonna go with you dickhead Janis: well you ruined it Janis: yeah, you Jimmy: fuck you Janis: fuck you first Jimmy: whatever Jimmy: blame me Jimmy: on you go Janis: yeah whatever Janis: take what I can get Jimmy: lucky you Janis: 🍀 Janis: call me rich girl whilst you're at it Janis: hit all the  fuck you marks Jimmy: so you can blame me for what you've got & I've not Jimmy: yeah alright Janis: it's not me that brings it up Janis: constantly Jimmy: you don't wanna bring anything up Jimmy: I got that Janis: oh I'm sorry but you established we ain't ready for the tragic backstory did you not Jimmy: & that means we'll just fuck forever & never talk about anything, yeah Jimmy: that & you can run off whenever the fuck you need Janis: you said you don't want to talk about them either so why the hell does this matter even Janis: and I keep saying, I'm not going without you Janis: I did it once to you Janis: once Jimmy: I could give a fuck about them Jimmy: you're the one being a dickhead Jimmy: what matters is you could go whenever you like Jimmy: I'm the one who has to jump through a million hoops to do anything Jimmy: that I need Janis: Okay I'm sorry that you have family and obligations Janis: I already felt bad, actually Janis: I'm not forcing you to go Jimmy: nah you're just stopping me Jimmy: when I want to Jimmy: & fuck knows why even Janis: I ain't said you can't Jimmy: but I can't Janis: not because of me Jimmy: it's all my fault, you've already said Janis: no Janis: not what I meant Janis: 'cos of the kids Jimmy: it ain't their fault I ain't going Jimmy: or if I can't Jimmy: they didn't ask for this Janis: I didn't say fault Janis: it's just why Jimmy: it ain't why Jimmy: that's 'cause of my mum & dad Janis: well, yeah Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: this is stupid Jimmy: it's been stupid for ages Janis: then stop being so Janis: pedantic Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: fine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: is it Janis: or nah Jimmy: gotta be Janis: it don't Jimmy: I don't wanna fight with you any more Jimmy: so yeah it does Janis: is that enough Janis: serious Jimmy: like I said, gotta be Janis: Jim Janis: come on, that's bullshit Janis: we're not doing that Jimmy: you can bring as much bollocks as you want to this convo & say that to me Jimmy: alright then Janis: I mean Janis: fucking hell Janis: let me fix it Jimmy: you can't put all the blame on me & then be the one to fix it Jimmy: that don't even make sense Janis: I didn't! Janis: you just keep saying I did but Janis: I ain't trying to Jimmy: I ruined it, you said Janis: I didn't mean it Janis: obviously I did but sorry for not wanting to own that immediately Jimmy: have it how you like Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: I already told you, I don't wanna fight about this Janis: stop saying that Janis: that don't fix anything Janis: it's as bad as forget it Jimmy: I don't know how to fix this Janis: so fuck forever yeah Jimmy: don't say that Jimmy: I didn't Janis: not to start this up again but you definitely did say that Janis: I don't want to Janis: but I don't know how to fix it either Jimmy: I just want you Jimmy: you know that Jimmy: I love you Janis: I love you Janis: I'll fix it somehow Janis: whatever Janis: whatever it takes not whatever Jimmy: tell me where to meet you Jimmy: as soon as I'm done here Jimmy: we can just Janis: I'm sorry Janis: for fucking Janis: the hassle Jimmy: I'm sorry for my bit of it Jimmy: I didn't mean to make you kick off Jimmy: or owt Janis: you don't need to Janis: it was stupid Janis: you didn't do anything Jimmy: It didn't leave it out though Jimmy: I could've Janis: you were just trying Janis: but alright, accepted, like Jimmy: give Mia another smack Jimmy: you'll feel better again Jimmy: & we can start over Janis: 'til her dad murders me or reads me my rights or some shit Jimmy: I believe in you, girl Janis: thanks Janis: don't deserve you Jimmy: yeah you do Jimmy: & if her dad kicks off I'll come knock him out Janis: hot Jimmy: you are Janis: nah Janis: I'm a pain in the arse Janis: naggy bitch Jimmy: you can be all of 'em Jimmy: it don't cancel out Janis: 😂 Janis: tah darling Jimmy: it's alright Janis: I miss you Janis: I've cleaned up and walked her though so Janis: welcome Ian Jimmy: I appreciate it Jimmy: I'll show you Jimmy: just come back Janis: you want me to Janis: I've already fucked your shift enough, I know Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: I'm nearly done anyway Janis: okay then Janis: coming Jimmy: if you don't run I could be finished by the time you get here Jimmy: maybe Janis: be hard Janis: athlete that I am but Janis: take it slow Jimmy: do it for me baby Jimmy: when I see you I'll have to kiss you whether I'm still working or not Janis: um why are you actually being so fucking Janis: right now Janis: are you doing it on purpose Jimmy: I miss you too Jimmy: that's it Janis: thanks for not letting me ruin it Jimmy: I promised Jimmy: tah for not letting me Janis: I promised too Janis: know I make it difficult but Janis: you know Jimmy: it ain't like I make it any less Jimmy: you know I'd rather fight with you than be around anyone else Jimmy: just don't leave Janis: I ain't trying to give you anything else in your life to worry about or stress or Janis: but I won't Janis: swear on my life Jimmy: I worry about you all the time Jimmy: that's just Jimmy: giving a shit Jimmy: I'm never gonna stop doing that Janis: I'm Janis: not used to liking that Janis: or wanting it Jimmy: I know Jimmy: I'm not used to doing it 'cause I want to though so I get it Jimmy: you're not an obligation to me & that's weird but Jimmy: how I like it Janis: 'cause Janis: the way family 'cares' Janis: it does fuck all Janis: makes everything worse, usually Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you know how my dad 'cares' so Jimmy: but you're more than family to me Janis: yeah Janis: I feel it too Jimmy: can we still go Janis: yes Janis: 'course Janis: we both still need to Janis: even if you wanna ignore me the whole time, you have to come Jimmy: that isn't what I want Jimmy: I want Jimmy: you Janis: good Janis: that's all I want too Jimmy: I'm gonna make everything better again Jimmy: we'll just leave everything behind like we planned Janis: it'll be good Janis: we're so good Janis: honest Jimmy: I love you so fucking much, alright Jimmy: forever still Janis: forever and ever and ever okay Jimmy: I swear I'm never gonna leave you Jimmy: I don't care if it's hard sometimes Jimmy: it's the easiest thing I've got Jimmy: & everything I want Janis: I love you Janis: I'm not losing this Janis: you Jimmy: me either Jimmy: I need you Janis: its mutual Janis: you know Janis: so fucking much Janis: I don't even know what I did before Janis: or how Janis: for so long Jimmy: I know Jimmy: & I need you to know too that it ain't always gonna be like this Jimmy: we can leave for real soon Jimmy: we won't have to come back Janis: you mean it Janis: 'cos don't say it otherwise I can't Jimmy: I'm serious Jimmy: you might have to wait longer than you wanna but Jimmy: if you can then we can Janis: 'course I can Jimmy: not gonna be this young forever Jimmy: 👵👴💕 Janis: that's all I've wanted since 👶 basically so Janis: and yeah, know you're buzzing for that Janis: only reason you're sticking around, yeah Jimmy: when's your birthday Jimmy: we can go after that Janis: 13th October Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you reckon they'll give less of a shit, like legally Janis: 'cos we'll be 16 Jimmy: the 👮🚔 will be if Ian gives 'em a bell Jimmy: that works for me Jimmy: he'll only bother when he figures out that we're staying away Janis: yeah Janis: exactly Janis: can't make you come home Jimmy: it don't look good your ex & your kid both doing one but we'll be long gone by then Jimmy: so he can be as fuming as he wants Janis: and give a shit about making him look good Jimmy: the kids will still have me on the end of the phone Jimmy: that's all that matters Janis: yeah Janis: we can make it work Janis: we will Jimmy: we have to Janis: promise Jimmy: trial run starts in a bit then Janis: it's easy Janis: if you can hack it being a bit rough in the beginning Jimmy: I can handle you being a massive dickhead so I reckon I've got it Janis: 😏 okay Janis: letting that slide Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you're allowed like Janis: three lowblows, I reckon Janis: then it's business as usual Jimmy: how many have I done? Janis: I'll be fair and count from that one Jimmy: alright Janis: don't waste 'em, babe Jimmy: don't sound like me that Janis: just sayin' Janis: got a week to deal with me, you know Janis: s'a long time Jimmy: not long enough Jimmy: I don't wanna come back & we ain't even left Janis: I know Janis: if we had somewhere we could be alone proper Janis: it wouldn't be as shit, still a lot but you know Jimmy: really fucked you over by making Dublin into 'something' Jimmy: no squats about now Janis: defs is, just gotta be in the right wrong postcode Jimmy: you reckon? Jimmy: sort it out then, rich girl Janis: yeah, gonna need to kill that nickname or we'll both be 👻 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: no promises Janis: not saying you have to remember my name Janis: not going that hard Jimmy: if you find us somewhere I will Janis: hold you to that Jimmy: you can Janis: I'm outside if you can have a quick 🚬 Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: gimme a sec to finish this bollocks & then it's over with Janis: 👍 ain't going anywhere without you Jimmy: good Jimmy: don't Jimmy: [after a realistic number of minutes to get shit done, a wild Jimothy appears] Janis: [leaning on the wall like a cool bitch just like sup] Jimmy: [kisses her like he said he would as soon as he saw her & it's such a good one like use that wall boy] Janis: ['well, shit'] Jimmy: [is just looking at her like 😍] Janis: [kisses him now she knows they're good, pulling him closer always] Jimmy: [just let them have a lil make out moment cos deserved] Janis: [then taking his hand like c'mon 'cos excited to gtfo] Jimmy: [handholding & walking but he's also 🚬 cos hasn't had chance since when] Janis: ['should we go shop and get load of ready meals for the kids?] Jimmy: [is looking at her even more hearteyes cos that's why he loves you bitch that's such a good idea & so nice bye, does remember to nod though eventually] Janis: [smiles like cool 'cos she ain't gonna see it as a big thing obvs, 'yeah, they ain't all unhealthy as fuck nowadays but even Bobs could do that if he needed so'] Jimmy: [kisses her again cos so nice & also her smiling kills him always so] Jimmy: what do we need? Janis: not much Janis: we'll have a bed and water and all the shit we need in the caravan so Janis: cash for food and some clothes, if you insist, like Jimmy: easy Jimmy: no need to piss about for ages Janis: [nods] Janis: seriously, enough of that as is Jimmy: yeah Janis: [keeps looking at him 'cos can't help it] Jimmy: [more kisses cos he can't help that either] Janis: [puts her forehead to his and is just saying thank you over and over quietly like] Jimmy: [says ILY over and over & also sorry because well] Janis: ['don't be' and more desperate kisses] Jimmy: [literally the hottest make out in the middle of the street or wherever like] Janis: [tryna compose herself so they can do this shopping and go to his but damn] Jimmy: [isn't helping by being hot af excuse him everyone] Janis: can you save this at least 'til we're on the train Janis: killing me, boy Jimmy: [looks at her all innocently but he knows exactly what he's been doing] Jimmy: 😇 me Janis: [gives him a look like hmm but not actually mad so starts smiling with it] Janis: hate you Jimmy: I hate you too, baby Jimmy: so much Janis: [makes ugh! noise out loud 'cos feeling that #frustrated by you rn boy] Jimmy: [is 😏] Janis: just you wait Jimmy: I'm already waiting Jimmy: come here Janis: [does 'cos ain't too proud lbr] Jimmy: [more of the same cos no chill] Janis: ['Jesus'] Janis: are you ever gonna let me live Jimmy: not if it means I have to stop Jimmy: this Jimmy: [even more] Janis: ['Baby, please-'] Jimmy: ['say it'] Janis: [more noises 'cos dying] Jimmy: [goes as hard as he can considering where they are] Janis: ['Okay, okay, fuck! Jimmy, please take me somewhere right now so you can do more. I need it. You.'] Jimmy: [god knows where but he does lead her off somewhere cos same obviously he's made that pretty clear] Janis: [enjoy lads] Jimmy: [& now focus please thanks so much places to be] Janis: [🤤 through life 'cos blissed out can probably leave this here now]

[nikatyler]

Oh hey, long time no replies. And these are the first ones of this year. I have a hard time replying now. It’s not like I don’t have time - I’m doing okay, actually. I mean, I wouldn’t complain if there was less homework, but still. Free time exists. It’s just that I can’t bring myself to replying to either comments or messages...I replied to asks quite quickly though, which is something unusual for me. Usually that’s where I’m slowest. I don’t know, is this another weird anxiety thing? Like I know I can reply, but I just...don’t?

Anyway...let’s get that done now I guess. There’s a lot of these, apologies if something got lost. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s not, all I know is that sometimes my activity feed doesn’t show me everything.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Vlad the fashion icon strikes again.”

he's rocking that goth TM look lmao

I mean yeah.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “This brings back memories. Maybe he’s not evil, he just wants some...”

he's vv nice to his friends..... the problem is becoming his friend ��

I was going to reply with “if this ain’t me” but...actually once I get comfortable around people, irl especially, I’m awful to them D: (I can quite easily turn into the sarcastic asshole friend and no one believes me until I unleash it lmao) But anyway yeah I kinda can see Vlad to be that way, now that you mention it

#JusticeForVlad2k19

justkeeponsimming replied to your photo “End of the Year Tag 2 This time I was tagged by @justkeeponsimming....”

Ronnieeee!!! Your sims are SO gorgeous! Love love love this!

Aaaaah thank you so much! ♥

dandylion240 replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

When Ross and Caleb finally got together. I'm still hoping Caleb changes his mind and turns Ross.

If I had replied to this a week earlier, I could’ve used my favourite eye emoji. Oh well. Yeah, it’s good he changed his mind, isn’t it? :D I couldn’t stand the idea of separating them.

jackssims replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

The birth of Miracle! Caleb, Ross, and Sunset! The high school story and when Miracle and Adam got together as well!

ghkjahfljhk lately (I mean for the past few months) I’ve been really disliking Miracle and Adam’s storyline but for some reason when people mention it, they always say they liked it, so I guess I didn’t do that bad of a job? 

Same with the good old Zoey storyline. Everyone who has ever talked to me about it said they liked it and thought it was interesting, but I’m over here like “gjkfjgfjhg don’t mention that mess to me ever again”.

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset spent the New Year’s Eve by playing sims. This is very...”

I'M LITERALLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW

I feel personally attacked

It’s fine, we’ve all been there :D

I think I played sims too this year. Well, first we played some board games with my parents, then there was midnight, I cried, went to see the fireworks (while finishing a bottle of wine but I swear I wasn’t drunk)...oooh and then I watched a stream and edited my sims screenshots! Okay so I didn’t actually play but I edited the pics and like...these are still fun new year’s eve plans, am I right?

melien replied to your photoset “Dawn came over and the two spent hours talking about space.”

I love their outfits! Totally would wear something like this

I like Sunset’s style especially. Well, sometimes she wears clothes I wouldn’t, but for most of the time, it’s just comfy fun stuff I wish I had. Especially considering my dark phase is over and colours are slowly coming back to my closet :D

melien replied to your post “I have some random sims I could share. Anyone interested?”

Ohhhh... on one hand I'd always want sims from you but on the other hand I fear I won't do them justice because idk where to use them rn. Dilemma

pls ask

I’m always down for creating sims for mutuals and friends (I just never talk about it), so just let me know when you want one. Also, I’m sure you would do them justice. I’m really not afraid you would fail there. You know I love everything you do, so... :D

melien replied to your photoset “This guy ♥”

Ending 2018 on a high note

The best note possible

simtress replied to your photoset “Caleb: Isn’t it sad that there are so many ways a vampire can live a...”

i love the name caleb...♥

Me too! I’ve liked it since the first time I had seen it in an English textbook years ago.

dandylion240  replied to your photoset “Oh god please tell me I didn’t accidentally have risky woohoo on or...”

It'd be fun to see what their kid would look like.

I agree and I’m surprised I’ve never played with their genetics. smh ron

cafeheart replied to your photo

okay he's hot but this also makes me uncomfy for some reason asfdlkjaj put him back

jackssims replied to your photo

I agree he’s got a hot vibe going, but this just feels wrong tbajfnakcn

It is kinda weird, I’ll admit that (but “reimagining” him was fun). It’s like...taking away Caleb Vatore’s weird emo hair. I admit I’ve done that once but it was just to mock myself anyway. I wouldn’t do it “for real”. Emo hair must stay. Yes it’s dumb, but also, it’s iconic. we stan dumb hair

I’d say this is something similar. I don’t want to say anything about Ross is iconic, but...you get my point, right?

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Okay, I don’t like this. I have a theory.” Caleb: “I know what...”

👀

The funny thing here is, when I was writing this dialogue, I had no idea what was going to happen later.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I don’t…I don’t ever want this to end.” Ross: “You’re the only...”

Way to dodge that, Caleb

Oh yeah. He’s good at that

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Sunset: I know I said I’d work out today but I really don’t want to…oh...”

mood

An everyday one

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Sim Download: Cara Meadows she/her, bisexual Another one. I imagine...”

ahh she's cute! might have to nab her for my private save ;)

Yay, I’m so happy to hear that! :D

jackssims replied to your photoset “Everything about this picture is a big mood. You may tag yourself now.”

Tbh I’m both Caleb and Sunset

Relatable

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Valentine: “Relationships and love aren’t really for me, but attending...”

Ironically her name is ValentineXD

Yup. Exactly. I bet it must be annoying for a person who couldn’t care less about getting into a relationship.

myopiccc replied to your photoset “Sunset wasn’t born to follow the crowd.”

Seriously!?!? I would never know THEY can use an umbrellas clever way! LOL

Lol they sometimes open it inside. Doesn’t seem clever to me :D But yeah, I didn’t expect them to sit down like this.

solarmoodlet replied to your photo “Sim Download: Enric Noel he/him, gay Sometimes a miracle happens and I...”

hes so cute. added him to my save. Tyvm!

Ahhh thank youuu!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I join you with the last point�� I kinda defeated social anxiety irl but the online anxiety stays. And they say shy people can communicate better online!

melien replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I third the online anxiety, glad to know I'm not alone

I wish I could say I defeated it irl as well...things got better (mainly because I just had to get used to it and grow a thicker skin) but I’m still an anxious trainwreck 99 % of the time :D It’s the same online. 

Also, instead of actually starting a conversation with people, I’m always like “oh you know, if you feel like talking to me, just send me a message, I don’t bite” but the problem is I know there’s a lot of us like that here and I’m not the only one with this fear of communication so maybe I should be the one to find the courage once

Wow that didn’t make sense but I think that only proves my point that I’m an anxious trainwreck :D

penelope-and-wonders replied to your photoset “You can put the umbrellas away, guys.”

What fun would that be? ��

Oh right, I can’t have a normal wedding :D It’s a universal rule that I should finally accept. Something would be wrong if everything went right for once.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Leigh Smith she/her, pansexual A long long time ago I...”

Omg, I looove her! ❤️❤️

Thank youuu ♥

green-productivitea replied to your photoset “Sunset: “What can I say? Freaking finally. Took you long enough to...”

The fact that she call him dad :O

Yep, she did. I love the relationship these two have.

yamekamerainbows27 replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Damn Sunset! You tell her girl ��

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Go Sunset!

That’s what she deserves

sparkiemonkey replied to your photoset “I mean, Sunset was right. Dawn is adorable.”

she is totally adorable

Up until now I was always saying that this legacy has some Good Genes, now with Dawn it will be more like Cute Genes.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Marcella: “What are you two doing?” Sunset: “Watching the clouds!...”

let them be dorks in peace!! lmao

Exactly!! No reasons to judge

cafeheart replied to your photoset “I would lie if I said I saw this coming.”

yknow if someone didnt have context for your legacy this kinda looks like caleb is murdering ross asdkfbbd

omg you’re right and I hate that you are right

vampcatsims replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

noooo he's going to leave him at the altar god this is going to hurt so much

omg wow this is where scrolling down and reading new ones before old ones causes reaction mistakes cuz omg this is for realsies isn't it?

kyveria replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

@vampcatsims don’t worry, ross has already had someone leave him at the altar so Caleb is going to stay ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Haha yeah, they’re going to be fine. I think. Can’t promise anything.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I…how can I say no to this? Yes, Ross. Yes, I will.” Ross:...”

Good! I was scared he was going to say no for a second ����

Imagine if he left him and I’d introduce a new spouse now. Or bring back Jordan. Or Marika.

Omg imagine I’d bring her back and she’d get her “happy little family” she claims she wishes for now.

myopiccc replied to your post “ - fave types of movies?”

Such a tense era! I'm a historic nerd too:)

Yeah, I love it! I mean, I don’t actually love it, there were some bad things happening, no freedom of speech and such, but for me, it’s an interesting era to learn about. I also think it’s important to know about these times because in a way, they’re still so similar to where we are now, we really should look back at them and try to not make the same mistakes...sadly, when I look at the situation in my country...sometimes it feels like people forget. Not just people like me who didn’t experience it and have only learned about it in History classes...feels like even people who have been there forget and it’s sad and frustrating and I wish I could do something about it. Okay rant over.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “Tell me honestly. Did you expect me to change my mind with...”

Nice! But I swear if this somehow backfires and Ross ends up dying...

👀

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

Ross you better not have died!!

jackssims replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

/ROSS/

ajkfaglafkghlahgfk I didn’t realize this would seem like he’s dying I’m sorry for causing panic fjaklflk

I just thought it was funny he set himself on fire and Caleb is over there like “nooo I agreed to marry this freak I have made a grave mistake”

princessdejamars replied to your photoset “Ummmm”

oh no not again

Yes. Yes again. And yeah, I could’ve left without saving. I didn’t. I was shocked when it happened and once I realized he’s pregnant again...you should’ve heard my hysterical laughter. Something is wrong with me and I don’t like it.

cafeheart replied to your photoset “Dawn: “Not a chance.”

sunset looks scared shitless asdkfjdbdb

"fhlakhfalklahkjjkij she’s kissing me I wasn’t prepared for this what do I do jgljfkjhlaafkgl”

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: Nothing happened…I’m fine…I’m just gonna give this dog a bath...”

That's totally not going to lead to more problems later, Caleb, if anything *did* happen (/sarcasm)

Yup. It’s totally okay to do that.

jackssims replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Oh fuck

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “oh shit”

wow

this is wild haha

Basically my reaction

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Dad, you’re home alone?” Caleb: “I think so.” Stella: “Aw,...”

jlkfdzsjlkfadg She's pregnant, he's pregnant, truly amazing

ikr

That’s a twist I truly didn’t expect at the end of this generation. Not that I’m complaining

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Anything else?” Caleb: “What? Is there supposed to be...”

/Caleb/

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “And that’s not all…” Ross: “Huh?” Caleb: “Nothing. Forget it.”

//Caleb//

See Ross and Caleb were made for each other because they both have a hard time learning from their mistakes lol

dandylion240 replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

There's a way to bend the rules. Since Ross will become a vampire. He and Caleb have forever to have a child together. So once Sunset takes over as heir I say anything goes for Ross after that �� but that's just me lol

Ooh, technically that could work! I didn’t even think about that. Good point. I don’t think they’ll have children together but I really do like this idea.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Is there anything you would like to tell me?” Caleb: “I was...”

Good! Caleb got the courage to tell Ross

I mean he didn’t really have another option at this point

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “You’re not going to leave me now, are you?” Ross: “I’m...”

Wholesome Ross (he’s really come full circle tbh)

I kept saying he would get better and no one believed me. There you have it guys, he’s a changed person. Character development! :D

simtress replied to your photo “™¥ ♥”

*eeps! she's too cute1

ikr, I miss her ;-;

melien replied to your photoset “Stella: I can’t believe it’s actually raining on my wedding day. We...”

It's a free riiiiide when you've already paid

Is this a reference I am supposed to get

Because I’m dumb and don’t get it lmao

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “Say cheese hair!”

So don't ask how I remember it because I'm probably too invested lol but your theme with red hair/blonde(yellow) hair in gen 3 of every legacy? It continues

Omg I didn’t even realize! Sebastian and Lynn started it obviously, then in my Raven Legacy it was a little “easter egg” but this time, it’s a coincidence (a nice coincidence). I guess I just can’t have too many redheads!

melien replied to your photoset “oh shit”

The ultimate plot twist

The plot twist I normally would’ve welcomed but this time, I actually felt sorry for him. He didn’t deserve it the first time (aka the time I was petty and did it on purpose) and he didn’t deserve it this time either. But still. Aliens. I can’t just quit the game without saving when it has to do something with them, can I?

melien replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

Maybe babies for them perhaps?

Y’all really want them to have kids huh

melien replied to your photoset “Nooooo Rocket :( He’s old now!”

Can Caleb also turn Rocket? Vampire doggo would be fun

Man I’d love if that was possible (even though...I just imagined him biting the poor dog and that’s kinda weird). Buuuut...there’s something else that I did and it’s almost as good.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Minako Ito she/her, lesbian Traits: Good, Loner,...”

All of the Sims you put for download are so pretty! I'm grabbing them all!

Thank you so much ;-;

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “i was enchanted to meet you”

Aaahh nostalgia!

I knoooow ;-; I love them and I miss them and I want to play with them again

I mean I could, first I’d just have to finish the high school story and that’s...highly unlikely lol

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Aliens are in love with him that's true

New otp: Caleb/Aliens. Oh that's weird

They have a weird thing for Calebs

If you guys know a Caleb irl protect them

If you are a Caleb, well...I’m sorry

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Rocket: Hey I’m old, just thought you should know…oh nevermind what...”

This is somehow sad=((

Yeah. I love this little dog so much :(

[shownuslaugh]

Get Out

Series: Bigbang 6th Member AU

Pairing: SJ/GD

Okay, so, this is long. And maybe a tearjerker? Idk, y’all can decide that.

2020

There are times in life where a decision has to be made. A decision where the repercussions run so deep people’s lives could be changed forever. For Taeyang, that decision comes in the form of a feminine giggle floating out of the cracked door of Jiyong’s personal studio. At first Taeyang thinks it’s SJ, but before he can step inside Kiko comes out. She’s wearing a shit eating grin and readjusting her skirt. Taeyang can’t believe his eyes.

“I don’t know what to do, Hyorin,” Taeyang whispers to his wife over the phone later that day. “SJ’s going to be here in an hour. Do I tell her?”

“She has a right to know her fiancé had an ex girlfriend in his studio, but you shouldn’t try putting ideas in her head. Don’t implicate Jiyong. There’s no possible way he actually cheated,” Hyorin responds.

Taeyang takes her words to heart, but he has a gut feeling something terrible happened in that room. Especially when he sees Jiyong whistling happily as he joins Taeyang and SJ in YG’s cafeteria.

“Hello, love of my life.” Jiyong kisses SJ soundly on the mouth and Taeyang feels sick. What were those lips doing just an hour ago? Were they attached to another woman?

“Hey babe.” SJ accepts the kiss with a sweet smile. “How’s the song coming?” Jiyong shrugs. “I thought I’d be farther by now, but it’s been rough without having my muse right beside me.”

“Oh, but I just saw Kiko leave earlier,” Taeyang says as his anger bubbles over.

SJ’s smile falters. “What?” She turns to Jiyong. “What is he talking about? You saw Kiko?”

“He did more than see her, right Jiyong?”

Jiyong glares at Taeyang. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Maybe. But I certainly know what the fuck I saw.”

“And what did you see?” SJ’s question is directed toward Taeyang but her eyes never leave Jiyong’s face.

“Don’t,” Jiyong warns.

Taeyang wavers. He really doesn’t want to start anything between them this close to their wedding, yet the way Jiyong waltzed in the cafeteria like he didn’t have a care in the world really got under Taeyang’s skin. He was alone in a private place with an ex girlfriend. Said ex girlfriend walked out of said private place fixing her clothes and hair, looking like she just won the lottery. Jiyong gave no hint of even coming clean. Is that what their relationship will become? Jiyong seeing his ex girlfriends and never telling SJ? Jiyong fucking his ex girlfriends and never telling SJ?

“I was walking by Jiyong’s studio earlier,” Taeyang begins. “I heard giggling and thought it was you. That’s when Kiko walked out and Jiyong came out with her. She kissed him on the cheek and left.”

Jiyong sighs, closing his eyes. “We were just catching up.”

SJ laughs bitterly. “Just catching up? When we started this relationship you asked me if it would be okay for me to stop being alone with Siwon. I didn’t realize that rule only applied to me and you could just go around fucking whoever you wanted!”

Taeyang reaches across the table and grabs SJ’s arm. “SJ, come on. Not here. You two should talk, but don’t talk where everyone can hear. There’s tons of people that would sell the two of you out to magazines in a heartbeat.”

She pulls her arm away from his grasp, standing suddenly. “You’re a real fucker you know that? You give me this whole speech about loving me since we were practically kids and turn around the second I accept your feelings to… to what? Fuck an ex? Am I not enough for the almighty G Dragon?”

“Of course you’re enough! SJ, you’re more than enough! You’re all I-”

“I swear to God, if you have the nerve to cheat on me and tell me I’m all you’ve ever wanted I’ll slap you all the way to Japan! And you can stay there with Kiko!”

“Don’t be crazy!” Jiyong stands up, trying to put a hand on SJ’s shoulder.

“Don’t you dare touch me!”

Taeyang steps in at this point. “SJ, please hear Jiyong out. I know things look bad, but both of us might be wrong. We won’t know unless you calm down and go somewhere private.”

“Private?” SJ scoffs. “Private like his studio?”

“SJ-”

“Is she still there? Waiting for Taeyang and I to leave so you can go back to her? Fuck her some more? Is it because you aren’t getting it from me?”

Jiyong is angry. Angry at SJ for being unreasonable, angry at Taeyang for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, angry at himself for even letting Kiko in the studio. He knew it was a bad idea to begin with, but he didn’t listen to his intuition. It’s because of that anger that Jiyong bites out,

“You always spread your legs so easily for Siwon. Well, I have girls other than you that do the same for me.”

SJ’s eyes go wide. “You know what, Jiyong? Five years. I dated Siwon for five fucking years and he never once brought you up in an argument. He never once complained about how close we were. Most importantly, he never fucking cheated on me or even said anything to try and make me feel worthless.”

“Then go back to him if you love him so much!”

The air between the three of them is tense. SJ is on the verge of tears and anyone who looks over can tell. It makes Taeyang want to just wrap her up in his arms and take her away.

She takes a deep breath, asking Jiyong, “will you just tell me one thing?”

“What?”

“Did you really cheat on me?”

Jiyong can’t meet her eyes. He won’t meet her eyes.

SJ laughs humorlessly. “Get your shit from my apartment and get out.”

Taeyang’s eyes go wide as she walks away.He turns to Jiyong who’s still staring at the same spot on the floor. “I don’t know what went down between you and Kiko, but if nothing really happened you just fucked everything up.”

So much can happen in an hour. In an hour Taeyang had to decide whether or not to basically ruin his best friend’s life. In an hour he witnessed a possibly relationship ending fight. Another hour has him watching SJ break down in his home.

“Everyone thinks we have this beautiful, fairytale love story.” SJ rests her head on Hyorin’s shoulder, not wanting anyone to see her face. 

“Sweetie, you do. Jiyong is crazy in love with you.” Hyorin does her best to reassure SJ, but there are some wounds that just go too deep. 

“Then why didn’t he say anything when I asked him why the fuck she was in his studio? He just stood there and stared like he’d been caught.”

Taeyang feels miserable. This whole situation is his fault. He should’ve just kept his mouth shut about seeing anything. It’s not like he saw Jiyong actually cheating, but the evidence was fairly overwhelming. Kiko came waltzing out of his studio wearing a satisfied smile while fixing her dress. Jiyong wouldn’t even meet Taeyang’s eyes. 

“SJ, listen to me, please.” Taeyang kneels before his little sister, taking her hands in his. He’s always felt she was more delicate than she let on. It’s part of what makes him so over protective. “I know things look bad. I know both of you said things you don’t mean. But deep down do you really believe he’d do something so careless and stupid? Would he really throw your future together away for a fling with an ex?”

Before today, SJ’s answer would’ve been a confident no. 

Now… she isn’t sure anymore. 

“I think this wedding is a mistake,” she whispers. 

Taeyang’s heart breaks in that second. “Oh, God, SJ. I’m so sorry.”

“Go talk to him.” Hyorin’s voice is soft as she strokes SJ’s hair. “Don’t just end things like this.”

It takes another hour for Taeyang and Hyorin to calm SJ down, clean her up, and get her to her own home. As she walks in the door she’s greeted by her three dogs and Jiyong’s cat. She assumes that means Jiyong is still here. He would never just leave Ai somewhere.

“Jiyong? Are you still here?” SJ calls out.

“Bedroom.” Is the response from Jiyong.

She walks in the room to see him sitting on the bed, suitcase open beside him. Clothes are scattered haphazardly around the place. Jiyong looks up when he hears her footsteps come closer and she can see the red around his dark eyes.

“I tried,” he admits miserably. “I tried so hard to pack and leave, but that fucking picture just kept staring at me.”

There’s a picture of the two of them from debut laying on the floor. The glass is cracked and the frame is shattered, but their smiling faces are still blatantly obvious. Jiyong sobs harder as he looks at it. 

“I don’t care what you think happened,” he continues. “I made a mistake, but I didn’t cheat. I would never do that to you.”

“Then what happened?”

Jiyong wipes his eyes. “She came to see me and catch up.”

“And you thought it would be a good idea to catch up alone? And not tell me? And get angry when Taeyang told me?”

“No. No.” Jiyong shakes his head. “I wasn’t thinking when I invited her in. I was just happy she wanted to put the past in the past. She even congratulated me on finally getting ‘the girl’ after so long.”

“Then why not say that?”

“I was trying! You were just getting so worked up and angry that I just… I don’t know! I started saying what you wanted to hear! You can still kick me out if you want, but I promise you I’ll just come back tomorrow. I’m not leaving you. Not because of this.”

SJ sits down beside Jiyong, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his neck. She breathes in the familiar scent of his cologne, letting the tears start to fall.

“I don’t want you to leave” she says, voice thick with tears. “I’m sorry I just started assuming things and getting angry. I’m just… scared.”

“What do you possibly have to be scared of?”

“You’re not just Jiyong. You’re G Dragon. Women will always throw themselves at your feet. I always feel like I’m just waiting for you to accept that and get tired of me.”

“SooJin, I’ll never get tired of you.”

“I know, I just… I don’t know. I think we both have things we need to work on.” Jiyong nods. “We do. But you know what?”

“What?”

He pulls her even closer, kissing the side of her head. “We’ll work in everything together. As SooJin and Jiyong, not SJ and G Dragon. We’ll work on it as husband and wife.”

“Husband and wife,” SJ repeats.

[a-chaotic-bi-disaster]

Ugh mostly writing this because I’m dealing with personal shit rn and I have thoughts I need to put out into the universe and a ton of conflicting emotions. But I’m going to include a content warning because some of this is heavy shit.

TW: death, excessive drinking, blood, shitty absent parent and the emotions that accompany that

Idk how to start this without being blunt, but essentially my dad drinking himself to death and I’m mentally preparing myself for when that happens.

He’s been struggling with addiction & drinking for a long time. But the pandemic really pushed it over the edge. Everyone’s mental health has been shit because of everything, but his was at a point where I’m fairly certain that he won’t recover. We go to my grandma’s (where he lives) every Saturday, but I haven’t seen him in.... 2 months? Maybe longer? Maybe not really at all this year? He’ll make an appearance every once in a while, but we rarely see him. And it’s because he’s blackout drunk in his room or sleeping off being drunk.

It’s been getting really bad recently though. This past week he was getting water from the bathroom and passed out on the floor. Then passed out again later in his room. After that my grandma found the bathroom covered in blood, with bloody tissues in the trash can and in my dad’s room, blood on his pillow case. Everywhere. He claimed it was a bloody nose? It might’ve been that, but we’ll never know. It could also likely be from him throwing up blood because he drinks so much and pretty much never eats. I don’t think he’s showered or anything in we’ll over a month? It’s been bad in the past, but it’s been steadily getting worse and worse.

But I think the worst part is that my grandma lives alone with him. And is basically going though this alone. Yeah we go over there once a week, and she talks with my older sister more during the week, but in reality she’s going through this on her own. And I can’t even begin to fathom what it’s like to watch your child slowly drink themselves to death in your own home. We’ve tried to get him to stop drinking, but he insists that he isn’t an alcoholic. All because some medical professional told him something along the lines of “you aren’t addicted to alcohol, you have depression” as if a person can’t struggle with both at the same time. But my grandma has decided that if something bad happens again she’s going to call 911. So basically now it’s a waiting game to see if something bad happens and we can maybe declare him a danger to himself and get him help that way, or one day my grandma is going to find him dead.

And that’s where the all the conflicting emotions are coming from. I understand that he is struggling with a mental illness, and I can’t blame him like people tend to blame alcoholics. I understand that he’s sick. But I’m angry because he’s refusing to get help and refusing treatment of any kind. I’m emotional because I can see that there is a big chance my dad going to die soon. But realistically he stopped showing up and being a good parent almost a decade ago. He stopped going to our guard shows, would gaslight us about shit that was his fault, and almost never had us as a priority. A few years ago he decided to try to get sober because it was putting a strain on the relationship between him and his girlfriend at the time, completely ignoring the fact that drinking had already destroyed his relationship with his children. It felt like a big “fuck you, you’re not a good enough reason to get better” and I’m tired of not being enough for people. I had already decided that when (if?) I get married I wasn’t going to have anyone walk me down the aisle (because I don’t like that tradition- I’m not anyone’s property to give away), but now there’s a chance he won’t be at my wedding. And that hurts. But I’m also surprised that it hurts as much as it does. All that twisted up shit of having a parent who was there, but not there.

So.... yeah. It’s safe to say that I’m not doing great right now. This is a long post and I don’t want to read through it to check for spelling/grammar or to make sure that everything makes sense. So sorry if anything doesn’t make sense, but also I’m too emotionally drained to care. I’ve already been a mess because of other reasons, but this just adds to everything. And I’m just so tired

[inkandstardusts]

Prompt for you! Cosimo allowing Contessina to comfort him about Lorenzo. (Do you remember when she did and he told her that he sleeps better alone? Broke my heart! :(

okay i know it’s been ages and i have no idea if this ship is still a thing since it’s been so long since the show came out lol. also i have no excuse for abandoning this blog, i really am sorry. 

this is short and pretty angsty so idk if this is what you were looking for but fingers crossed. also, this prompt is so old and i feel so bad for sort of abandoning this blog and these prompts but i guess i just didn’t have any inspiration to write them. buuuut, all this talk about season 2 has me so hyped and i realised how much i missed these 2 characters so ahhh!!! also dont really know how accurate this is since it’s been ages since i watched i medici so do forgive me for any errors. 

Lorenzo dies so suddenly that Cosimo at first, does not know what to do. He doesn’t know if he should cry or yell or seek revenge or leave Florence. Everyone from his childhood is dead. His mother, his father, and now his own brother. It is as if God himself is playing a cruel trick on him and Cosimo doesn’t know when it is going to stop.He sits in his study, quill poised in one hand but he doesn’t know what to say. Who shall he write to? Who shall help him? His name has been tarnished and torn, dragged through the mud and then again once more, for good measure. He doesn’t know if anyone will be willing to help him. 

He sets the feather down, next to a murky pot of ink just as there’s a knock on his door before it opens. Contessina looks unsure as she walks in; a look that no one but him can identify since she is always so confident, chin always up and shoulders never slouched. She sits opposite him and there is a handful of seconds where they both just look at each other before she spokes, voice soft. 

“Cosimo, I am so sorry,” she says, still watching him carefully. “I know it is tough and I cannot imagine how you must feel, my love.”

The term of endearment catches him off guard. They have never been like that. 

“Thank you,” he responds. Something flickers on her face but it is gone before he can pin point what it was. 

“Are you hungry? Should I ask for someone to send your supper here? Everyone else has already eaten,” she says. It is odd, how awkward conversation is between them, even after so many years of marriage. 

“No, I cannot eat in a time like this.”

“Cosimo,” she starts, voice gentle. “You must speak to me. You cannot hold all this sorrow in your heart. I am your wife, you can be honest.”

“And why would I do that?” Cosimo says. It is a dismissal and she knows it, knows him. She pushes out of her seat, left hand clenched. When she’s at the door, she turns around. All the softness in her eyes are gone, and her shields are back up. 

“You know, you are not the only one who lost him, my love,” she says and this time the endearment is cold. Mocking. She’s out the door right after and he strains to hear her footfalls against the floor, and once the sound has faded away, he slumps in his seat. A few minutes later, he is fast asleep. He ignores the heavy weight of guilt that settles in his chest.

                                                           ***

Cosimo awakes, confused and groggy. He glances to the window and realises it is past midnight. The crick in his neck makes him wince as he stands up, stretching his muscles. He walks back to his chambers and when he opens the door, he is surprised to find his wife awake. She sits in front of the vanity and when he walks in, the look of surprise on his face mirrors her own. She was not expecting him. 

“You’re still awake,” he states, sitting on the edge of the bed to untie his shoes. She runs a brush through her hair, and Cosimo watches the the way the silky strands settles against her shoulder and down her back. Years ago, when their son was only a young boy he had once told her how much he liked her hair. She did not say anything in response, but ever since that night she would comb her hair only after he had returned to their room, every night. 

“As are you,” she counters. She stands up, before making her way to her side of the bed. Cosimo clears his throat, pushing his shoes to the corner before removing his shirt. 

“I was wrong,” he says and when he looks at her, she isn’t looking at him but he knows she is listening. “I was rude earlier.”

She looks him straight in the eye when she responds. 

“It is nothing I am not used to, my love.”

He doesn’t know if the endearment is mocking or not. 

“My emotions, they got the better of-” he starts but she interrupts him. 

“I lost him too,” she says, voice shaky. “I loved him too, just like you Cosimo.”

“I know!” Cosimo yells, and his voice cracks. “Don’t you think I know? Everyone in this house loved him. And now he is gone. And it is my fault.”

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until he feels her hands wipe the tears running down his face. She pulls him to her, and he lets her, resting his face in the crook of her neck. She runs a hand through his hair and he can feel himself shaking, falling apart so easily. He doesn’t know how long he stays like that but when he lifts his head, her eyes are so sad. 

“I am sorry, Contessina,” he says. “I just, I just do not know what to do.”

“Let me help you,” she murmurs, leaning her forehead against his. “Cosimo, you cannot push me away every time.”

“I know,” he murmurs back, and he does. She is his rock, has been since the day they were wed. He knows that if not for her, he would have been able to do none of this. His father once told him that as well. “I’m sorry,” he repeats.

“Sleep, Cosimo. You need rest,” she instructs and he lets her place his head on his pillow. She lays down next to him and he finds her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers before kissing her knuckle. 

[icharchivist]

What people actually hate on Ariel for acting like a queen in the sequal? I don't care about TLM 2 but it's not like Ariel changed herself. She was married at sixteen and we don't know how old she was when Melody was born. By that time she was still sailing around and seeing her mer family. I doubt all she does is sit around too. As a queen she has to travel so it's not like she'd never leave. There's also the fact Ariel enjoys land stuff more the sea stuff. She ditched the Sea orchestral -

2 but loves dancing. She probably didn't have a problem with fancy banquets on land for all the different stuff they had she liked like thing a ma bogs and activities. I don't know about anyone else but when it came to Melody Ariel called all the shots while Eric was supportive of everything his wife decided. Even turning back into a mermaid to explore the ocean (w/a revenge obsessed sea witch on the loose) alone in search of their daughter while Eric searched w/his army. Basically Ariel -

3 matured over the years of becoming a adult and a mother. Of course she's going to show responsibility as a queen and take care of her people. The first movie showed she loves them and she would want to help Eric care for them. She's not going to revolve her whole life around fun or putting her own needs first. Ariel sacrificed her connection to the sea just because she thought it would protect her daughter from a dangerous enemy (that had almost killed her). Ariel still had her freedom/will.

Oh yeah i definitly agree!!

arg undercut bc a bit long and i’m just complaining ahah

I don’t think i’ve ever seen people openly criticize Ariel for that though my bad for the wording, I just wonder if people thought Ariel “gave up on her dreams to travel” because we don’t see her travel at all and as a Queen, because of the evil sea witch and the threat on Melody, the castle was on a lockdown. There’s no way to tell if Ariel had moved inlands during those years but the thing is just that we don’t see her eventually travel - however it doesn’t mean it’s not there.  I mean by that that a lot of people only take at face value what is directly showed and don’t take the time to make some critical thinking about it.

For exemple in general, the “marrying a man they just met” thing that is always told against Disney’s characters: Almost all of the original princesses before Disney started to get meta about their “you can’t marry a man you just met” since, what, Enchanted i think? , well... most of the marriages we see are generally after a transition that could just as well suggest a timeskip. 

Snow White isn’t shown marrying the prince so when is up to anyone’s guess, Cinderella has a timeskip although it was hinted at that the prince would like to marry asap (or at least the King would want to), Aurora doesn’t get married on screen but if anything her bethroal with Philip was planned before her birth so it’s hardly “her” fault, Ariel suggests a passage of time, Belle isn’t shown marrying and we know she spent multiple months with the Beast, ect.....

Yet people complain all the time about that “don’t marry a man you just met” that it becomes text in Disney’s movies mocking the trend, from less offending Tangled “it took us years to marry” that they had to precise, to full on parody with Enchanted, and to odd text with Frozen that takes itself so seriously about what an issue that is in comparaison to actually how often this trope is used in princess movies.

So by extension this is something that can be said for every of the Disney princess’s goals about how they wanted to say, explore the world, but “bouhou now i’m married with a man so i can’t do that” and?? what??? 

Like one thing that made me think about that is that parody (no shade to the ones who made it tbh they actually replied to the return of the song saying they oversimplified everything), but while this song is just a parody a lot of people actually /think/ those things and i’m just.. what... what.... just because you don’t see them in their lives post wedding doesn’t mean they gave up on their dreams. 

SO aNYWAY back to Ariel, I think people would use the fact she’s “stuck in the castle” in the sequel as an indication of her “giving up on seeing the world” and that’s... Very much unfair over the fact like you said, she could have seen more of the world before Melody’s birth, that she still acted like a responsible queen both toward her people and toward Melody, and if anything, the life as a Human Queen fits her - she wanted feet to dance and run the street? Well she makes ball, she dances, it’s part of what she wanted too. 

It makes me think in the sequel she does tell Melody that at her age, she was just as much a “fish out of water” and Melody doesn’t believe her because Ariel is so at peace in the human world - but that’s exactly it. The Human world in itself was enough for Ariel to feel at home, to feel great where she was. She hadn’t given up on her dreams by meeting Eric, she’s fullifying them. 

I’m not a huge fan of the Disney Direct to DVD’s sequels but as far as this one goes it made a good job responsabilizing Ariel while still making sure she has her freedom (even if limited due to the Sea witch) and her being comfortable with the life she chose, that implies things outside of Eric as well, and Eric doesn’t hold her back from making her decisions to leave when it comes the time to do so. Eric always showed an intense respect in what Ariel wanted. 

So completely agreed for her development, but i just know how people take the stuff we don’t see and think “huh so there is no possible scenario i can imagine to fill that so Disney says women are housewives” despite the fact.... it’s just them filling blanks with them jumping to conclusions and then accusing the story for not filling the blanks for them. Which in the case of TLM where both Eric and Ariel expressed still wanting to see more of the world before meeting is just *raises eyebrow* because why wouldn’t they explore the world together since that’s what they both wanted? 

idk just.. *sighs* people are so nippicky. I say in a post that nippick everything people ever nippicked about.

[plinys]

iI don't really follow you for friada just see what you put up and i am curious you have a lot of verses that you do drabbles in can you explain them it's kind of confusing because i don't follow the ship maybe

okay so there’s a lot(tm) and all of these are honestly like the fault of @pizza-is-my-buziness and @ophvelias and @gaysyjohnson (and sometimes even @holdendadcliffe) for encouraging me with the softer ones.

and basically the moral here is if you becomes friends with me and ship fraida i will shout hcs at you until we create au verses

according to my twitter thread of fraida verse aesthetics i have 17 total but not all make it over to here/are a real thing (looking at you daddy kink alistair verse) but here are the 5 main important ones

framework verse

aka the four best episodes of aos ever, basically its canon verse and us getting to write backstories for the characters and scenes that never made it into the canon, basically its canon verse. they kill inhumans, they rule hydra, they have “steamy” and “sweaty” sex - to quote iain, and everything is evil and awesome

some variations of end up including sad baby au which is canon compliant and literally everything is the same except she was pregnant in the framework and things got sad (i cant look at the scene where he kisses her hand without crying and this is why) (also inhuman baby au but it will get its own tag/section)

hydra summer camp which is the catch all for talking about the backstory where we have john garrett training fitz ala grant ward (but since vic got ward john grabs fitz) 

best quote from this will always be “hail hydra holy fuck”

and dark fitz au because the framework wasnt dark enough lets make fw fitz extra, dark and evil (if youre into that i wrote a full fic in this verse, permission to just be the man you are)

basically framework is canon and sin and its great i love it

then we have

beach house verse

perhaps the most important all of the verses, i originally wrote this fic and it turned into a full domestic verse

basically for people that dont want the fic for context, during that scene in the finale when he’s like “i’ll go with you if you leave the team alone” he does, and is unsure why he did at first ? to protect them ? to protect her ? he doesnt know

he figures it out very slowly, this is the slow build verse. this is two broken people trying to figure themselves out and existing in the same space which is the beach house

do you like domestic scenes ? do you like angst ? do you want a combination of the two? then beach house verse is for you

an alternative ophelia survives the end of the season verse comes in the form of

team au

for this one we stop right after they rescue mack, things are rocky but ophelia was so happy to help and inside the pod fitz realizes that he has memories of loving two different people from two different lives and he needs to take a break from both of them to figure this out - he says all of this gently not to freak out he superhuman that just gained emotions

everyone lives and is happy

well not happy the rest of the team is like ?? why is she here ?? jemma wont stop calling her aida ?? someone suggests she has to sleep in a containment pod for the teams safety ?? she keeps insisting that she was meant to help people and that is this is what it takes ?? fitz still has fw memories and is conflicted af

its a mess with a bit of angst

but it eventually sorts itself out 

kinda

anyways we usually hand wave over the angst and get right to the team  bonding. do you want to imagine ophelia using her powers to practice sparring with elena? do you want to imagine bobbi and hunter came back to the team and hunter is in awe that fitz has game? do you want generic mission fic or hand jobs in a waffle house parking lot? then boy - do i have the verse for you

i mentioned this before but skipped over it so let me back things up to

inhuman baby au

so back in the framework everything is awesome and fine and daisy and jemma never come into it idk everyone just lives in the framework always now

and so this is like sad baby au but since daisy doesnt toss anyone out a window it gets to be happy baby au or for a bit until fitz keeps having nightmares and is like ?? let me just double check my daughters not an inhuman - oh fuck

she is

he keeps it hidden and deals with his inhumans are monsters issue and doesnt tell ophelia and looks after their daughter until a terrigen bomb gets set off at a hydra elementary school and his daughter is shown to the world to be an inhuman (she gets taken off the the resistance and chills with the wards and its all kinda messy and stuff)

the best part is though she needs a new name now that shes with the resistance so they name her “margret” after peggy carter and fitz is so offended he like is more offended by this than anything else, like “we are a good hydra family this is disrespect” 

and lastly our most recent obsession the ultimate sin

step sibs au 

honestly okay this sounds bad but in my defense certain people enabled me to write a holden radcliffe/alistair fitz au which became old men who used to be friends reconnecting at therapy sessions and starting to date

and fitz being like ?? sorry dr radcliffe are you sure youre okay and that you want to date ?? my dad ?? 

honestly fitz was having a hard enough time dealing with the holdstair and then - introducing holden’s beautiful daughter and suddenly like fitz is just ?? shit fuck nobody warned me

theyre not even officially step siblings yet their dads are just dating tho i plan on writing the hooking up at their dads’ wedding fic so thats a thing

anyways if you want messy families ?? this is the verse for you

and yeah i think those are the MAIN ONES

i hope somebody enjoyed reading this really long answer?? 

[violetemerald]

So my queerplatonic partner just broke up with me as I was trying to go to bed at 10pm and now I’m still awake… typing on my phone and posting this near midnight EST… I can’t tell if me still being awake is necessarily his fault but I think it is. When he broke up with me the first time (in June last year) I was a crying mess. This time I’m just… I’m not crying. I’m upset but it’s more anger and frustration. I hate that I kinda saw this coming but was afraid to let myself go here. I hate that I made up countless thoughts in my head about what my future with him would look like and now it’s all a ridiculous waste of mental energy and I hate how much I was counting on us working out. I really hate that he tricked me into at least thinking he was invested in us lasting through August given the specific events he planned to go to with me and bought tickets for and this and that. Like why did he do all this and now… are we going to do any of it? Am I gonna have to do the walk for suicide prevention next month ALONE because I didn’t sign up for that and ugh should I immediately be looking for a team to join?? That might be better anyway, I might have a better experience overall, but like…why is he torturing me like this?

Why get back together with me while he was in Afghanistan, only one month in to a 6 month deployment, and insist he regretted breaking up with me, and insist he did want the same future I wanted fostering and probably later adopting kids and all of the rest of it… and so many other little things in these 5 months… and then he saw me again for the first time since he’s back and his deployment ended. Both Saturday and Sunday. And then… he avoided responding to my texts Monday asking him how the end of Sunday went since I had to leave early because I injured my eye and… telling him I was taking a sick day and not going in to work because of it. And when he finally gets back to me. It’s JUST like when he broke up with me before. We have plans to go camping soon AND and to do something next month (last time it was yes, camping then too, and also his sister’s wedding, this time it’s the Overnight Out of the Darkness Walk) and I’m talking about those plans (last time it was buying a new dress for it probably that coming weekend, this time it was making sure to get my medical waiver turned in before the May 19th deadline) and he just… he’s… he’s not who I was convinced he was. I don’t even know. He’s. He’s “I can’t do this relationship anymore” and it’s not like there’s a good reason for it that he can pinpoint, but he insists it’s nothing we can fix even though this time I’m… I’m more confused than ever how he can be right back where he was breaking up with me before, because he explicitly changed his mind and regretted that and stuff??? And like…

I really kinda saw it coming, like way more than last time, although I was uneasy last time too.

I love him. I hate this. I don’t love him that much right this moment but…

I really wish this wasn’t happening. Yeah now I’m finally kinda crying a little.

I hugged him when I first saw him. He’s taller than I remembered, kind of. My face was in his chest. For a second. Too brief a time really. It was really nice. For one second. And I felt like he was pulling away too quickly even then. We’ve never been much for physical touch as qpp’s but still.

I should’ve known – i did know, honestly, i really did know – that he wasn’t as committed to this relationship as me when he started shopping for houses with his parents as soon as he got back from Afghanistan. He wasn’t… including me. He wasn’t really acting like I’d you know… live there one day. He was telling me everything but he… it was weird and I knew it and I didn’t want to admit it to myself. He wanted me to be happy for him. I want to be happy for him. But it’s hard when he’s… he’s shattering all my plans for my own future I was so clearly imagining for myself, and now I have to start from scratch all over again. I’m an asexual person who wants to foster and adopt kids with a co-parent I click with and I’ve never met anyone I click with the way I click with him, at least not who also wants children in the way I do. I don’t know how to begin looking for someone who wants to coparent foster kids and who will jive with me as an atheist (and this is actually kind of a big thing in some ways), me who doesn’t want to even so much as kiss anyone and is definitely not having sex in the future… me who has a fine job that is a bit too low paying and which just isn’t the career I want long term because it’s not nearly challenging/stimulating enough… and if I do decide to adopt or foster on my own, I can’t quite picture how it would work. I kinda feel like I *need* a partner.

And it’s just… I want to be DONE with him AND YET I want to try to convince him to go back to his thought process while he was on that civilian contractor deployment. I want him to be back to imagining a future with me the way I was with him. I want him to be happy when he’s around me and it was killing me this past weekend because I could tell that he just… wasn’t. And when I tried to talk to him he was so… closed. Quiet.

I want to move on but I don’t know how to begin. I want to be able to be friends with him but that is painful to think about, like real friends who hang out and have all our mutual friends in common still and still could potentially do some of our planned things together?? Like in some ways it’s easier to imagine never seeing him again.

And yet I wasn’t even done talking to him when I said goodnight and went to bed. I know we’ll text more about… everything. I’m sure we will. We might even see each other again soon. Idk what he’s fully thinking.

I really really am upset. I’m in my twenties, there’s still a lot of my life left, but I feel too old to be this lost with no prospects for finding a new qpp, on top of everything else. When I was with him I felt like everything was going right but near the end of his deployment, maybe even the whole last month, or two?? … It stopped feeling that way. But idk 3 months of it feeling perfect was still cruel to tease me with while none of it was real, not really, because we were so long distance and… why did he get back together with me?? That’s the part I really can’t believe. Why did he do this. I’m… now it actually is midnight, great. I need to go to sleep or at least do something to distract myself from these feelings. This isn’t productive. I’m waking up in 6 hours to go to work.

I just needed to get all this off my chest and maybe someone here would be sympathetic. (I think I crave validation that it’s fair to be this upset. Because my stupid EX queerplatonic partner… he’s basically acting like it’s not going to hurt me this much which is the absolute worst part of it all. How can he not GET this at this point, how huge of a deal this is, that telling me this right AFTER I say I have to go to bed is… like beyond… I want to say cavalier! I don’t want to forgive him for *this*, especially, which is petty probably and stupid but like I was resenting him for a long time for what he did deciding he wanted to get back together the day of my probably most extreme grief of my life when I was convinced he knew I was grieving… I only was able to mainly forgive him by realizing I didn’t want to be a person that expects people to read her mind and maybe I was overly confident in how well I’d conveyed my emotions, after all it was all only in text form and even my family I live with kind of missed how much I was a complete wreck… But yeah I’m back to resenting him I think. I can’t help it. It’s so hard. I feel so frustrated and exasperated and overwhelmed and disappointed and not in the mood. My grandmother is coming to town Friday. I need to be in a better state of mind for this.

If I am so lucky to enter a new qpr one day, or maybe even a romantic relationship idk… I’m not gonna let these things build the way I did this time. I’m not gonna worry about the state of my relationship or what the other person is thinking but keep all those things to myself. I… I’m kinda hoping I can have a queerplatonic relationship with a woman or nonbinary person next time actually. If there even is a next time. I really don’t see that as… well as a given. I imagine it’s like 50/50 whether I’ll have to give up on that dream. I could do it with someone of any gender but there’s something about the past 6 months… or more… that’s really got me latching onto femslash when it comes to fandom and the like and idk… I hate so much passing as straight?? Not as much as I hate not being in a relationship with my queerplatonic partner anymore of course but I think I’d rather be falsely assumed to be gay than straight at this point in my very asexual life…

The past… almost two years, like 22 months since I’ve known him, have been a little bit of a roller coaster, mostly happiness, and I have a lot of good memories and he’s… if not “the” love of my life, (which of course is a lame thing for someone on the aromantic spectrum to say… I’m sorry) he’s been “a” love of my life for sure. He’s been such a hugely life changing relationship and it’s…

I don’t know.

I’m gonna tag some people. Sorry this is long and super personal and I’m such a mess. It’s 12:30 AM and you all mean so much to me and know parts of this part of my life already.

@purrplelace @bookgirlfan @notrocketsurgery @quarticmoose @peppersandcats @supsi85 @aceadmiral @only-fragments

Tell me, please, if you read this? Thanks.

[itsadiarywhatever]

7/27/2017

<p>Today I got a mini lecture from my mom about how I’m not okay. I know I’m not but that doesn’t mean I need to hear it from someone else she told me I need to sleep and that I need to find out what the problem is so I can fix it she said I did this my senior year of high school the whole not sleeping barely eating drinking way to much coffee and just not taking care of myself thing I told her that I am fine and not to worry but she wasn’t satisfied she said she will always worry because she cares I told her there was nothing to worry about. help.. I am aware there is a problem especially rn the day runs into the night the night into the day it’s actually the 28th as I’m writing this and I’ve had a little DP Vodka and coconut rum. Mario is already asleep he was pretty drunk ha I really do love him but it’s hard sometimes because I believe he loves me but I don’t think he really knows me so I guess I am just scared that he might love the idea of me rather than me. That would be my own fault tho I am slow to open up but we will see. You know when you are a little tipsy and you move but it’s just a bit slower than you anticipate and you feel a bit sluggish yeah that’s how I feel right now but I suppose that’s kind of why I did it. Why I drank. Because I wanted to feel the fire in my stomach, I wanted to clear my head, I wanted to sleep a bit but here I am writing this. I think I want to write a book I want to call it Almost Legal I’m stealing the name from the shirt Seth got at the strip club they went to in Allen after the concert where he got his first lap dance;. I wonder if I asked him for an interview on the experience if he’d do it but anyways it will basically be about the shit I did between 18-21 those years where you are an “adult” however not quite “adult’ enough whatever that means everything from drinking, sex, weed, shaving, shopping, school, self care, working, dating all of the stuff everyone just doesn’t really know about with a stress on the fact that it is all based on personal experience and we will all experience everything differently idk but I know I am definitely off topic I honestly wish I was as drunk as I got after Elizabeth’s wedding with Cody and Alison because I feel really fucking good you know every time I get drunk or high or just to where I know I’m not 100% I want to talk to Mario but don’t like I really just wanna talk like I do with my friends and just go to town but I always quiet myself or won’t really talk just because I’m scared of what he might say but I have been getting a lot better about talking to him or at least I am trying but he is asleep which makes me sad but he needs to sleep he’s got shit to do ha recently I have really been a bit down and I want to talk about it but I feel like such a burden on everyone that I don’t idk it’s just hard because even when they say they want to hear it it’s like no yr just saying that because that is what you’re supposed to say lol I’m getting a little sleep which was also the goal of drinking to be able to sleep because I have been having a hard time with that. It really sucks to sleep alone tbh I would love to be cuddled up in a bed with Mario rn just laying there arms around each other comfortable being held I fuckkng love that shit man lol I’ve been typing for a while so I think I’m gonna go to sleep lol but I kinda wanna read this in the morning just to see because I am trying to recall everything I wrote about and I’m like yup feelings haha also might be a bit stressed but shhh don’t tell anyone b/c like what do I have to be stressed about lol I am just ready to be back in San Angelo it really became a home for me and I miss it so much definitly not my forever place but for now it is literally so much better than HG haha hey Alexis don’t forget to throw ur cup away haha jk I’m not that drunk goodnight world I love you and all of you fucked up asshole bullshit you be pulling but sometimes man you really gotta lay off people deserve better than this shit peace love and positivity man hippie vibes and love yourself because you fucking deserve it