#second I KNEWWWW IT WOULD BE

[phantangled]

that was so fucking chaotic. i think I need to watch it again

[c2-eh]

charlos 48 ❤️

when i looked at the number i immediately knewwww i had to write this scene. enjoy!! ❤️

48. kiss out of habit

Charles looked so beautiful.

His eyes were sparkling even in the dim light, which made Carlos wonder how such a thing was possible. Charles was sitting next to him, his leg pressed against Carlos', emanating the much needed warmth.

"It's unfair, that's what it is!" Lando says loudly. His high pitched voice brings Carlos back into reality. Right, he's supposed to be present (that has never been his strongest suit).

They're all sitting together. Lando is now leaning towards Max who looks fond, but also a little exasperated, and that makes Carlos smile a little. Whatever misconception you hear about Max, it is not true.

"Lando," Oscar sighs and shakes his head a little, already done with the topic.

What even was the topic? Carlos could not tell.

They're an odd bunch out here now. Lando invited Carlos for a lunch, for no apparent reason, he just said they should do it 'for the sake of the friendship', whatever that means.

That, of course, means Max and Oscar are also here and Carlos acts like it does not offend him.

And then there is Charles, who tagged along too, per Carlos' request. Lando was not happy with it, because he always goes on about how he does not fit with the group. Well, Carlos would argue Oscar also has nothing to do with the group. Anyway, Carlos also threw in something about promising things to Charles already and Lando caved.

Carlos needs Charles here, needs him next to him all the time, if possible. Being with him, next to him, is what finally makes everything make sense to Carlos. And sure, it is a bit embarassing how down bad he is, but at this point, he's stopped caring.

It's not like anyone here knows. Or anyone at all.

Carlos watches the conversation flowing freely around him without any need to intervene. His knee is pressed against Charles' one and he kinda wishes he could press his thigh against his, but their seating arrangement did not allow it.

Damn Oscar who stole his place next to Charles.

"Oscar," Lando exclaims and it sounds more like 'Oscahhh', than his actual name and it makes Carlos smile, again. Carlos, Cahlos, "you just don't understand it! It's not fair he got the chance to go, all while we're all sit-"

Lando's grandiose speech gets interrupted with Carlos' phone.

Carlos takes it out of his pocket, looks at the caller's ID and sighs. Yeah, it's time for him to leave. He answers to Alex and tells him he will be there in 15 minutes max (he won't, but it is whatever, Carlos does not care anymore).

Lando is pouting now, which makes Carlos want to laugh, but he knows that wouldn't end well, "I told you I have to leave early, cabrón" he finishes his coffee in one gulp.

"Yeah yeah," Lando says, but Carlos is no longer listening to him, as his gaze is already zeroed on Charles' beautiful angelic face. His green eyes are fully focused on him, pleading in a way, because how dare Carlos leave him here alone (he and Oscar get along a bit too well, Charles is just dramatic like that).

Carlos stands up and clears his throat, "okay, thanks Lando for inviting me, hopefully we can do this again soon," he finishes.

He is not thinking that much, when he claps his hands, once, and says "okay, bye love." He is not thinking when he leans towards Charles with a soft smile, and drops a sweet kiss on his mouth.

Charles' breath hitching is all the realization he needs to know he fucked up. Oh no.

Kissing Charles comes so naturally to him by now that he doesn't even think about it when he does it. He loves doing it, loves to peck Charles on the mouth and then see the slight blush cover his cheeks, because he did not expect it. It's like a second nature to him by now.

It feels like time has stopped when Carlos pulls away, his eyes looking into Charles' that are wide and panicked. This is not how it was supposed to go.

"And bye Max, my good friend," Carlos says, his voice tight, and rounds the table to kiss him. It lasts about 0,01 seconds and yet he feels like the worst person on this planet, because it is not Charles. It should be Charles only.

He does not dare to look at him.

"Oscar," his voice sounds strange even to his own ears, "goodbye, it was nice to see you."

"Don't even try," Oscar says with his signature poker face and Carlos is so glad he could do anything for him (except kissing him, apparently).

Carlos hesitates and then he smiles, "come on, it's a French thing. Bisous it's called, right? You say goodbye with a kiss," he is gonna die soon.

Just when he is about to come close to Lando, there's a scraping of a chair that interrupts him. It's Charles.

"Okay no, stop. Come back here Carlos," and gosh, he is so beautiful when he is jealous.

Carlos listens without any complaint and goes back to stand next to Charles, Carlos automatically reaching behind him to hold his waist.

"We're together," Charles announces, his voice firm but also shaking.

Everyone is silent for a moment, just looking at them as if both of them just said the most unimpressive thing in the world.

Lando is the first one to break the silence, "okay and? We knew." He has the audacity to roll his eyes, "your stupid little game was fooling no one, Carlos. French thing, he says."

Oscar looks unimpressed and Max is nodding along to what Lando is saying.

"Thank god," and suddenly Carlos is faced with Charles' beautiful face, "text me when you get there," he says and all Carlos thinks about is how sweet his voice is.

"Of course, cariño," he replies and kisses him, again. But now he can put his everything into the kiss. Just like he always does.

Charles' lips are soft and moving in the exact same rhythm as his. Carlos brings his hand to Charles' cheek and slowly caresses it before they break apart. It's everything Carlos has ever wished for.

"Okay, jesus, we are still here you muppets."

send me a ship and a number and i will write a kiss

[bratdykebarbie]

hehehehe last night we were just chilling on my bed, talking about whatever, and I said “I maintain my innocence”

and she just laughed and said “yeah okay, I know the truth”

and I kept it up, telling her I’m so sweet and innocent and would never be bad 😇

and I knewwww I was making her sooooooo riled up and finally when I was satisfied with my work I looked at her and said

“prove it”

and less than five seconds later I was on my back,

looking up at her absolutely feral eyes as she yanked down my shorts & underwear and threw them on the floor,

then pulling off her own clothes to mount herself between my thighs and torment me with her cock brushing against me but not actually fucking me

and well I got to make myself cum with the 🪄 (while whining “mommymommymommy please please please oh fuck!!!!”) and then get fucked 🥰

so yeah I got a gold star in brat behavior last night ⭐️

😇🥵✨🥰💖🥰✨🥵😇

love y’all 🫶

[reminiscentrainclouds]

The Dragon Prince season 6 spoilers below! Just a bunch of my thoughts because boy do I have a lot of them!

I still can't believe the way that whole switcheroo trick with the pearl backfired on Callum. It was so painful to watch because I knewwww it was going to happen the minute he decided to carry the fake down there by himself. Rayla was literally offering to go down there with him!! It would have been so easy for both of them to go down there just in case! I mean, the fake and the pearl both looked exactly the same; it would be easy to make a simple mistake and confuse them, so you'd want to make extra sure you were taking the right one with you!! Callum's confidence is very admirable, but considering he was so worried about it, he really should have been more cautious!

I just really like the way that part of the plot played out. This whole season had soooo much irony in it, but especially with this whole thing. The second it was revealed to be the fake pearl, I was like, "Yippee I was right!!" But also, "They're doomed." Because!! It's left completely unattended!!

And then Sol Regem started attacking Katolis and I was like NOOO IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER. Although at first I was thinking it was gonna get like, smashed or something in the rubble and that would release Aaravos but man. MAN. There was so much more in store, that was a wild ride... Don't even get me started on Viren's sacrifice. I hate him and I think he got what he deserved, both in terms of what he lost and the crushing guilt he felt, but man. I was really sympathizing with him ever since he got revived, and that last scene with him hurt.

But it was a satisfying and fitting conclusion for him. He had intended on swearing off dark magic and attempting to right his wrongs, but instead, after a lifetime of sacrificing other lives for magic, he ends things by sacrificing his own life, which was already stolen after being revived anyway, to help save the people of Katolis. Sucks that he ultimately was convinced to use dark magic again, as if it was something he could never really escape, as if he never really learned anything, but the big difference was that he was sacrificing no other life than his own here. And he did help people. I'm probably massively misinterpreting everything because my interpretations are always kind of off...but he's just a really interesting character.... He made a lot of bad decisions but I understand his motivations, and I feel like he was really quite Doomed By The Narrative, pushed into a corner and faced with two equally bad decisions in many cases. He's the kind of bad guy who I really wish could have had the opportunity of not being a bad guy, y'know?

Aaravos is much worse and much less redeemable to me, but I feel a similar way about him. Like I Get It. Can't relate to what appears to be his thirst for revenge but I can understand. Learning about what happened to his daughter makes me angry on his behalf! The fact that all this had to happen in the first place hurts a lot! All this could really be blamed on that council of Startouch Elves, for what seemed like an extremely unnecessary punishment for his daughter. Although I'm curious about what more information we might get on the whole cosmic order and everything, I don't know. Taking Aaravos's child like that was unnecessarily cruel though; regardless of how serious of a crime or whatever giving humans magic was, there's no way she had bad intentions, and it's not like killing her would reverse what happened. AUGH anyway. What a season.

[dream-in-a-jar]

Some thoughts about Merlin S5E5 "The Disir"

Not a live-blog bc it takes too much time lol

Yikess did Arthur and the knights not learn to not disturb sacred places after what happened at the Druid shrine? 😬

"What happened to the young boy who came into my chambers just a few years ago?"

-"He grew up."

Man that exchange is so sad, I miss Merlins smile and happiness just like Arthur does 😢😢

Also I fear that Merlin treating Mordred so coldly and trying to have him killed (for the second time) will eventually turn him against Arthur 😢😢

Did Merlin forget that Arthur drank what he thought was deadly poison to save his life? Or the other times he went to rescue Merlin when he was ill or had been kidnapped? Did no one tell him or what? 🤨

In the same vein, Merlin saved Arthurs life so many times and I think theres at the very least two times that Arthur actually knows this, yet he never mentions it but only other people saving his life and knighting them ㅡ that must sting for Merlin 😭😭

(For the record I think Merlin can do his job and his duty better as a servant than a knight)

Thank goodness Arthurs leaving his sword outside this time ㅡ and acknowledging that Merlin was right, hell yeah! 😤 (Although he'll deny it, obviously)

Does Arthur ever consider that if magic wasnt outlawed and Morgana wouldnt have had to fear death and watch daily executions when she realised she had magic, that she wouldnt have turned against Camelot and used her magic to bring Uther and Arthur down?

Merlin speaking in riddles to not give a definitive answer

Tbh its quite a double-edged sword, surely bowing to the Triple Goddess would appease her and better her judgement and fate of Arthur? But also it would save Mordred, whom Merlin doesnt rly want to live

Nooooo Merlin 😢😢😢

Oh Merlin.... you keep on digging yours and Arthurs tragic fate 😢😢

He learns but also he doesnt

That was probably the most difficult thing for Merlin to say in his life (so far) and Colin Morgan played it marvellously

Not to be pedantic but if the Disir said "until dawn", wouldnt it be too late when its already so bright outside?

Actually angry at Merlin now ngl like ik he does what he thinks is best but this isnt it dude 😭😭😭

The Disir are disappointed in Merlin I can feel it and I agree 🥲

I knewwww he would live, I knew it !!!!

Welp, Merlins choice has caught up with him REAL quick

Tbh Gaius I think Merlin can blame himself, just a little 🥲

That was a good episode, I liked it!! And despite my frustration at Merlin I do understand why he decided to advise Arthur in this way. He's already kicking himself for being so foolish 🥲🥲

[carmenized-onions]

Chapter 11 cheffff

i’ll try to keep the quotes a bit shorter this time to not kill people’s feed

“Respect him, Chef.” - it’s so over

“He’s bein’ a fuckin’ creep.” - RICHIE I LOVE YOU SO

“N’ what the fuck are you?” - . . . this fully broke me. this is just so- poor richie omg🥺😭

“Cause I’ll fuckin’ tell you” - I beg you don’t. this has actually hurt me more than anything

I bet since she forgets the note it’s actually going to be something kinda nice (like him being hppy with the dish cause duh why wouldn’t he), well sweeps was bothered but maybe he didn’t read it. idk i’m holding out hope!! or it’s super important and now they’re fucked … either way we trot along!

there will also be some things i won’t comment on cause i’m sure people will react to them. i’m trying to not make you repeat too many things aye?

“You’re excused.” - oh this would have me swinging. well not really cause i’m a wuss but

“Say what you wanna say, Carmen.” - she’s so much stronger than me fr i would be crying

“you failed Mikey” - oh. yeah idk if they can come back from this tbh. it was nice while it lasted. we gave it a good run.

His middle name is Anthony. Tony. - okay this is actually hilarious tho. and the contrast to what else is happening disjjs. only you author, i swear

Gone. Devoid. - 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

i mean yeah he’s sorry but looking in his eyes and seeing that won’t make anything go away. like idk sometimes there’s a limit to how mean someone can be even if they don’t mean what they say yk?? like control your emotions a bit and that

“How could you fuckin’ say that shit to Chippy—” - richie i love you i love you i love you

“To Richie.” - she’s so- the nicest ever wow

yeah i figured the invoice thing when she said it was complicated. but dang that’s still-

DAMN THE DIDNT TELL HER WHICH BROTHER. you’re so smart

HOLY SHIT THE CREEP ASKED FOR HER NUMBER. GROSS GROSS GROSS. RICHIE PUNCH HIS FACE

At least get him a star, if he has to hate you. - i’ll cry

“I’d still love you, even if you weren’t helpful. By the by.” - this man is everything

“Man… You were here.” - they’re crying, i’m crying, we’re all crying

“You wanna see a Taylor Swift concert wit’ me?” - SHUT UP HE IS SO CUTE. i’d do anything with him (friend stuff)

He kisses the crown of your head. Richie must be a good dad. - most definitely. i love these two so much rah. my fave duo

“We can only hope.” - LMAO SJFJJD i needed that to help ease the angst

Never know when you’re going to need a fire. - ayo?? i’ve actually considered multiple times to carry one just in case someone needs it

Entirely forgot, about the wedding gig - ME TOO SHEHDJEJ oh my we’re not away from the drama yet i see

so you don’t get second hand smoke. - he’s so cute and this is everything to me because second hand smoke is like the worst thing i know and last week i was trapped between so many smokers and it was the worst

“You gotta get your star, Squid.” - so cute. squid getting her star(fish)

“Bitch—” “Heard.” - LMAO best call and response

“Heard, Chip.” “Heard, Ink.” - CUTEST

OH SHIT NOT THE ONE BLACK PLATE

“I know you said I’d be a perfect match for your little brother.” - OH SHITTTTTT. shut down the mikeychip allegations, as you should 😌😌 also mikey knewwww. really doing it all from beyond

Listen listen, I do the apologizing for both of us for destroying feeds YOU do it all you want, ALWAYS!!

IT'S SO OVERKDFG-- I don't remember exactly when I wrote 'Respect Him Chef' but I do remember going YEAAGGGHHH I COOKED I'M COOKIN WITH THIS ONEEE

I knew if we were gonna get into the Freezer Fight, I had to be brutal, what the fuck are you? was like, KEY hurtfulness. It immediately throws off what was a jovial vibe into something very cruel and painful--- Bah, Fuck you Carmen Bro

HEY BRIGHT SIDE-- BRIGHT SIDE HE LIKED THE DISH? SO. SO WE HAVE THAT. Sweeps wrote the note ALA the Ever's server method of passing Vibe check notes, which is why he needed that fucking smoke break. Having to play messenger for that skeeve,,,, yeuch.

no one says things the same way someone else says things !! you can always spam, love ya thoughts, always will. Anyways anyways, YOU'RE EXCUSEDBRRROOOOOO I'd get . violent.

Again, there was such a universe where Tony got violent. Like. Listen. She is a Chicago born and bred babe, she was an EMT, she's been a bartender-- Bro can prove she's a fuckin' problem alright? She can fucking swing. The 'Say what you wanna say' was very much like, the lead of line given before someone gets there shit rocked. Alas , she like,,, likes him or whatever,,,, so we couldn't,,,, sad

No one's ever commented on Carmen's Middle Name being Tony and I had to note it before someone else made fun of me for it. But I have also always loved ,,, fuck my Directing Prof is gonna be mad at me. It's somewhere in my notes, but essentially, there's this idea of Dramatic Contrast (not the actual term) but It's like, the ear scene in Reservoir Dogs, or that trumpet over the boxing match in I think,,, Raging Bull? Where basically, a very jaunty or pop like tune plays over something genuinely horrifying, basically.

I really enjoy that concept, in my own short films and writing, so Carmen going from saying like, the worst thing he's ever said, to like, oh I need to transfer outside my body-- You go funny immediately, and I think it makes everything both so much funnier and so much more painful? Just turns up the volume, on both sides. Or at least to me it does.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!! Bro will need to grovel. Bro will also need to get socked. Chippy why did you have to stop Rich c'mon man

Apologize to Richie really gets me, because it's 100% her being nice and having her boy's back, but it's also like.... She doesn't feel she deserves an apology-- And that. Man. I'm gonna. I'm gonna just take a 45 minute nap to process that fuck. At least get him a star, if he has to hate you. FUCK BRO. WHAT THE FUCK!!! I did that, who am I yelling at.

Rich and Chips whole convo was very cathartic to write-- It had been another scene that i'd imagined for a while and morphed bit by bit as i got a better and better idea of their history. And I think as more and more is uncovered in future chapters, coming back to reread this chapter will like,,, mean a lot more, in a lot of ways. I also enjoy the way it repeats that 'I was Here' from Richie in Zero Pulse. I just like,,, rah. They're so... They're just very good. And they're going to have to see Taylor Swift.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO KEEP A LIGHTER YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YA NEED A FIRE!!! And fuckin being with a crowd of smokers is awful. I am lucky all my friends that are on that fuckin NIC blow that shit far from me. They're very sweet.

EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT THE WEDDING GIG AND THIS MAKES ME GIGGLE SO MUCH, I'M ACTUALLY DELIGHTED BY THE IDEA THAT EVERYONE VERY LITERALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT IN TANDEM WITH TONY, I FIND THAT SO CUTE.

STARFISSHHHHH CMOONNNN

Fun fact: One Black Plate was the original original original chapter title, back when I started cooking it up in my brain, around chapter 3. But once I got to Other Shoe and realized the devious period thing I could do, I had to go with Just Dropped. HAD TO. But One Black Plate was really good. I'll miss her.

THE ALLEGATIONSD LMAOSJOFJ I do really respect the Mikey/Chip ship, because reasonably, I could see them working. And listen. Maybe they did. WHOS TO SAY. Mikey's ghost is to say. BUT WHOS TO SAYYY

Anyways, for this lovely wonderful wrap sheet from you, and whoever braved the storm of reading this, let's see if i can find anythin worth showing you from the draft that isnt getting cut, that also isn't too spoilery

THIS IS A FUN ONE HEHEHE

[nathanialhowe]

ALSO LIKE

siege of weisshaupt was a banger quest and overall interesting. however what the fuck.

the missed potential here and not just because bioware no longer gives a fuck abt the wardens of yesteryear we have vested interest in but because this game is so bad at creating tension and atmosphere. LIKE really excellent conceit (every warden in Thedas hearing the call at the same time) that they did not lean into for long enough even with Darvin. what! and the fakeout when they have genuine stakes--wardens having to die to fully kill an archdemon and putting a bandaid on it with "well maybe they've changed the rules". like maybe they HAVE bro but its like the game toes around rammies.

also like. lets be for real here. having like seventeen nameless grey wardens when you couldve had the ones we have emotional investment in. and that would have made. narrative sense to be there. the gap is just enormous and from a game dev stance i "get" it, I guess, but it's so glaring. imagine the little dudes we actually know abt giving their last stand at weisshaupt after all this time. lmao i might have cried. i DID cry--not because of things that happened in the quest--but because of brainworms i have for the wardens and the missed potential with the first warden LMAOO. imagine ur hof or loghain or alistair biting the bullet w the archdemon for real that time. man i wouldve gone probably insane. thinking abt ricky "i escaped my fate by doing dubious blood magic and bringing an unassuming child into the world for self-preservation rather than desire for a son" cousland actually having to face consequences and die a real warden's death against ghil's archdemon was like. man. overwhelming. would've been so neat to see it. would've really mattered. but here we are.

obviously i knewwww the hof or any of the prior wardens couldn't/wouldn't be there ever again. but it's so glaring it's impossible to look past. like who are these people. oh. "grey warden #1" "grey warden #2"...okay. at weisshaupt? yeah.

at leat the justice mention was cool! i guess.

also i miss having like 5 quests in the entire game but they each take like 3 hours to complete. this one just feels so overstuffed. like. BOOM BOOM BOOOM okay lore drop. can't think about it. who cares about the red lyrium idol! BOOM CRASH BANG more STUFF Is HAPPENING ITS THE END OF THE WORLD!!! BOOM BANG. EPIC CINEMATIC MOMENT WITH THIS RANDO ROOK. okay let's all talk about our feelings for a second in a hammy way. okay back to it. BOOM. BANG. CRASH.

anyway at least Davrin's stuff was pretty well written and ike amadi gives such a great performance.

[bl-inded]

Our skyy 2- Wrap Up

Since this is an anthology and I, being the simp that I am, have watched all of the original shows, I thought it'd be fun to rank all the episodes.

The thing is, even though I have watched all of the shows, my opinion on these episodes are very reliant on my opinions of the original show as well. Meaning if I loved the original show and the our skyy episode was meh, it might be ranked lower than shows I didn't feel so highly about, but the our skyy episode delivered. Anywho-

7. Sky in your heart (ep 3-4)

Tbh I wasn't the biggest fan of the original show, but this episode was very in tone with said show. It was overall, cute. The greenflags were greening with the communication and lack of jealousy. You go boys! Live your happiest life.

But I did miss the other pair of the show (idk if you can technically count it as this show since they were two 7 episode series, but I would have liked to see even a cameo from them). Good vibes. I liked it.

(what i didn't like in a side note is the chunky ring design)

6. My school president (ep 9-10)

To anyone who hasn't already, you havvvveee to go watch the original show. It is so sweet it will give you diabetes. And I loved the concept of this episode.

As a fanfic author I was mostly here for the validation that all our headcanons are canon. But, it felt like a highlight reel with roles reversed. Which is interesting but 2 episodes wasn't enough time to develop that story.

For what they attempted they did aight! I kinda wish we got something more post canon in their universe, happy cute boyfriends™, but yk. It's okay. More Fourth and Gemini always makes me happy. Plus the cast seemed to have fun filming it if the behind the scenes are any indication.

5. A boss and a babe (ep 11-12)

Listen, half the excitement of our skyy is missing these characters. So it was surely a choice by gmm to time this episode riiiighhhttt after the finale of the show.

That being said, this episode was pretty dang fun. Am I still mourning the loss of multiple unresolved storylines from the show they set up and literally forgot about- yes (Drake, you deserved better🤧). But considering our skyy 2 is the biggest "who took my FANFIC out of ao3 and into YouTube" plot ever, I'll overlook it.

This episode managed to do what neither enchanté nor abaab did- show me the appeal of forcebook. They are very cute in light-hearted settings. I'm yet to see them thrive in the drama, but only friends is happening soon... Soooooo

4. Never Let Me Go (ep 1-2)

Now thiss was a perfect soulmates AU for TV (or YouTube in this case) if I've ever seen one. We got the time travel, the drama, the classism all wrapped in a ball of all fluff and no angst. They understood the assignment.

Again. I missed my second couple (I am Perth Stan, I can't help myself. The 6 of us who demanded justice for Chopper, I see you!) But I didn't miss them too much, coz the premise was fun.

(I also loved the house set that they had!! I wanna go visit it if it's real!)

3. The Eclipse (ep 5-6)

These two episodes are single-handedly responsible for increasing the average number of kisses in Our Skyy. I wasn't even expecting this many? Even if it was basically just prep for Khao and First in Only friends, I'm still here for it.

It was also surprisingly an episode that caused a lot of debate about Akk and/or Ayan being out of character, which I didn't expect, but have my opinions on.

But overall, it was an extremely sweet episode with political and social commentary that the show had, but commentary lite. The locations were fantastic! I honestly just want more First and Khao in everything, please and thank you.

2. Bad Buddy x A Tale of a Thousand Stars (ep 13-16)

(please don't kill me)

Speaking of who took my fanfic out of ao3, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. I knewwww we can trust in P'Aof for delivering a story. BUT DID I EXPECT HIM TO PUT ALL MY FAVS IN THE SAME SCREEN AT THE SAME TIME???? What great times we're living in *sighs in bl*.

Watching EarthMix slip back into phuphatian was a pleasure. Ohm and Nanon are sooo awesome! I missed Pat and Pran so much. The crossover could have easily gone into the forced-for-fanservice territory, but they had a plot for it!🤌🏼

They brought back characters that felt like home. Even the conflicts were so lived in. It is self aware in what small things can blow out of proportion.

Watching Pat and Pran in their college years hiding their relationship after reading countless fanfics about it- just, tears. Thanks! I love them. I missed them. I'm living for this. I see why this was at the end. Worth all the hype and more.

Still screaming about this, and have been for two weeks. Will keep you updated on when or if I stop.

Buuuut the reason I didn't rank this at the top is because we didn't get enough bad buddy in the crossover. I loved both the shows, but i feel like pat pran were slightly overshadowed. I was lowkey cringing by the end too with the second atots recreation of the series!? Oh god. But we got a proposal! And the confirmation it's an open secret?!? And whatever tf it was that korn and wai were doing backstage🤡. So it was almost in the number one spot, it's just that I preferred my actual number one spot episode more.

1. Vice Versa (ep 7-8)

Did I expect vice versa to be this high on my list, nope. Did I fall and virtually adopt this kid as soon as he came on screen... Maybe👀. Are Jimmy and Sea climbing up on my couples i can't wait to see more of this yes- also maybe.

But even otherwise, I think this episode had the most solid and cohesive storyline. Everyone felt familiar and acted in character. They even wrapped up the whole random-kid-showed-up-at-our-front-door plot surprisingly well. Like if you watched the episode, they left very clear hints.

They even kept the colour theme (even though multi colour isn't technically a colour, would have gone with white or black maybe, but that's just me).

I did not expect this to be my number 1. Actually, i was barely even looking forward to this episode. But it was a pleasant surprise.

And I was shooketh, considering my biggest complaint about the original show was that they left too many threads loose.

Jimmy and Sea were so good! Got me even more excited to see them in Last Twilight (in P'Aof we trust).

***

Now that that is over (and if you're reading this far) can we talk about how many birthday plots there were??? I feel like every other week there was a birthday. Just confused about it, that's all.

[husbandhoshi]

OK I finally have a moment and some braincells

My favourite fic of yours is a complicated answer. The one that jumps out initially is (omg I literally just looked at the title but it has slipped free from my grasp hcthjggf) the hoshi fantasy au. it's sooooo sweet and magical and evocative. the emotions in it are so nuanced and i would looooove to read more soft fantasy from you but alas, they are not the most popular on tumblr at large lol I am due for a reread of it soon as well

the second thought was easy to love cause obviously. it was so beautiful it made me cry a lil bit. :')) that's some GOOD writing, caratblr did not deserve that absolute gem. it's just....ah. well, you know

as far as my favourite thing about your writing...I could say a lot of things. The effort, the care for the craft of writing itself, the general softness I get from it, the skill, but I think maybe it's the ease of it all. The flow. Writing is hard, good writing is really hard and takes time and energy to make read as smoothly as you make it read. I can flow through a fic so easily with your writing and the dynamics between characters always read as so natural and easy and lived in.

My favourite thing about your writing is that it is good and as a lover of good writing...that is Big. (On here especially but really just in general)

(OK i tried to ve coherent I didn't get much sleep lol)

MADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry this is late i had a busy day but i wanted the time to tuck into this...bc i love ur opinions <3

my favorite fic of yours

HAH iA i knewwww you would say this was your favorite but i don't blame you!! it's my favorite fantasy concept and i'm so glad you liked it so much :') i would love to write more fantasy but i think the worldbuilding and everything just takes me out, especially bc i don't consume a lot of fantasy media </3 and easy to love i think is my favorite smut kjskldfksj i just love the dialogue and the dynamic!!

honestly not to plug my own stuff but i think the gyu fic i just wrote has a similar vibe to the fantasy!hoshi one except it's slightly more introspective and very much Real Life. but mingyu is a farmer and the prose is pretty :)

8. what i like the most about your writing

GAH... the writing feeling lived in is my favorite compliment. AND THE FLOW.... i feel so seen!!! it's one of the things i really make sure i nail so i'm really glad you notice it :') i think it's kind of an underrated quality for writing to have tbh and i'm always trying to get better. but this means so much coming from you bc i think your writing has all that in spades!!

send me a writers ask 🫶

[castlebyersafterdark]

you know how you said your fiance got you into the show and was actually more enthused about s4 than you originally? what did he think of mike and will while watching? because the main doubts i see are that it's too much of a 180, or unrequited gay love is a valid storyline. first - havent people heard of plot twists? films have done wackier shit in their final 30 mins than ST would if it revealed an unlikely love triangle outcome for the duration of it's entire finale season. and second, sure, unrequited love is valid, but the problem is that they so clearly set it up so that we root more for mike and will by the end of s4 than we do for mike and el.

i'm overall really confused with the seeming rationality of the fanbase when it comes to byler doubt, because all the points make sense on paper for another story, but this show has specifically made us giggle whenever mike and will sit next to each other. i don't see why the only people who react this way to mike and will are considered byler fangirls, when clearly we are only 'byler fangirls' (ugh) because the show turned us into them??????

no need to actually believe in reciprocated byler, all you need is a little 🤨 🤨 🤨 🤨  at the way they handled mike and el and will in the latter half of s4. that's literally all you need. you don't need a flag with byler written on it. you don't need to die on a hill. you just need a little skepticism about mike and el, and an understanding that will is in love with mike, and that's the only thing necessary to set up byler for s5.

so yeah, what's z's take on this please. did he pick up on sus behaviour and vibes between the boys?

The thing is, it's hard to analyze exactly someone else's mind in retrospect like I've said before a while ago, it might be a boring answer but we were kind of in tandem in our detection and thinking of the show since we watched it fresh together that season. You know how certain things happened on screen, and we kinda side eye each other like "oh that... that seems a little gay." Season 4 was completely full of those moments. Eyebrows raised, little smirks.

One moment maybe I've shared already - so his fave had always been Will. That moment when the girl was trying footsie and Will pulled away, haha I distinctly remember a laugh from him and he just looked at me and I knewwww. And a quiet yessss Will when he swayed out those high school doors. So we both knew we were about to be in for something that season.

Tough to pinpoint anything since I'm a show/movie talker and then we usually chatted a little in between starting the next episode. Byler was kind of a mutual notice. He's just not gonna log on and see what the world says or anything like that.

I agree with your perspective entirely. We fandom folks like to go deeper but truly - the story is essentially there to understand and notice.

you just need a little skepticism about mike and el, and an understanding that will is in love with mike, and that's the only thing necessary to set up byler for s5.

And the point about fangirls, oh I'm always so defensive on behalf of that. As if there's something wrong with what women feel passionate about. As if there's something wrong with celebrating romance in general, or gay love stories particularly. Any type of person can and should be passionate about any sort of storyline...

[antispiralz]

Tatort Zürich - Fährmann (liveblogging)

I fully didn't realise Lucas was the main baddie? (going by the trailer they showed just before it) Boat! Lucas!!! Hgbshahsh gloves He is so bond!villain coded And I love it God!!!! He looks so good Also hi creppy ferry man Christmas!!! D‘awww 'wiehnachtsfee' Ott is a lil grinch Oh wow filming at the opera place xmas market? It is pretty there but also so tight lol DuffiufudfjuruejekddLUCASDSS Helpppp ALSO HE WAS IN ZURICH???? Well like a year or two ago but Eexcuse me???? Lucaaaaaaadsssss 'ICH HAB KEINE ZEIT FÜR KORREKTES SOZIALVERHALTEN, NICHT MEHR ' dkskslfkfkfkksks holy fuck lucas And isabelle baby (Okay charcater name is marek. Maybe i‘ll use it instead of lucas. Probably not) Fjfkgjaösöfj God lucas I AM SCREAAAAAMINGGGGGGG Eurugjfudufuiwiqisoeoholy shitt????????? Fkfkdla what about…. The other guy??? (edit: milan. I constatly forget everyone's name except noah) Uedkdkkskqkslsld DAMN?! go get it girl Djfkdlalsls holy shit lucas Oh wait the chef has a wife?? 😂 forgot abt that Christ isabelle God, the chillsss ‚En guete negroooni‘ xD ;-; ‚reste calme‘ AAAHHHHHHHHHHHDLDLSKSKSKS Staatsahwältin. In the shiny ass dress Love it‚ 'Na eis lied vo dem chinderchor und ich leg mich zu ihne (leiche)‘ Lmao Hiii uniforms Milan baby Good boy </3 The prevelance of smoking is so hilarious to me Luuuuuuuuuucas ah he is actually suffering? noah!!!!! Ott and grandjean are fiiiiiighting Noaah :c still no one cares about his infos :( I'd listen to you yap His little apple? mug?? Adorable ‚Alpha und omega‘ 👀 God lucas God he‘s a good villain A mess of a cop, great villain xD Love how she just fucks off skg? It that general knowledge what business they do? Orrr is it a fake business? xD bank? am I dumb xD Christ lucas ‚Fahre nach hause‘ well she didn‘t lie I guess… quick trip through switzerland Wooffff Jesus fucking christ lucas. Imm dying He and his brain tumor against the world Would be fun to know if he actually understands swiss german Awww frenchie police lady likes isabelle as role model Isabelle took the coin?? God you really don‘t like team work huh xD WOW. Another tatort zurich with suicide (mention) We truly cannot get away from it Bahhaha ‚für 20 jahr hettetds sich au mal öppis neus chöne überlege‘ (als treuheitsgschenk) ‚Da het aber öpper gschmack‘ (wegem mantel) Bahahhaha ‚fashionista‘. I love her (I also cannot remember the staatsahwältins name for the life of me) Slsllslsksjsjshjs God the shot with ott and lucas passing behind her!!! Christ, ott is just such a horrible friend That guy needs a better buddy than her Grandjean gets to wreck shit again What the fuck is that outfit ott. Grey jeans shirt with a pinstripe blazer?! What the FUCK is staatsajwältin wearing as her bottoms? So wide and patterned and not fitting the tie Dkdlflskaöskfksksk I like that banker choosing to speak high german Cause the ‚nie‘ was very swiss Lucas is so good Sheesh Djdkksksk BAHAHHAHHAAHHHAAA NOAH WITH THE SHEESH LIKE FIFE SECONDS LATER I love you Lmao schribfehler für ‚singel‘. Good work guys, perfect paperwork ‚globalisierti wirtschaft, globalisierti serietäter‘ great line lol Milan with the holiday appropriate voice message xD Charlie… you deserve so much better…. Yeah, thank you. Talking to that with Marek???? What‘s wrong with you isabelle. Also the ‚who knows‘ love it Bahahaha ‚ich hab mich manipulieren lassen‘. Baby girl. I don‘t know how to tell you this…….. Boy you are not well ‚Du darfst diesen fall nicht aufgeben‘ aka love me love me love me Hump her leg already my guy Aww lights our for lucy (the christmas lights that have a name for reasons) sakldjadsdlk Aaaaah burkhalter vom landesmuseum BAHAHA I KNEWWWW IT WAS THAT GUY!!!!!!! The ‚i finger banged ott on the dance floor‘ guy 😂 Dlflfkfjfjdlalsls Bahaha the hair tuck!!!! Help I‘m dying Noah like 'jfc guys keep it in your pants'. you don't even know half the story my guy

My baby boy ;-; Bahahahahza isabelle going full cork board red string. But instead a whole wall. Overachiever I love how marek just loiters around that bank?? Awww ott and her french <3 same buddy Aber c‘est urgent wär noch gegangen xD Bahahha noah and his headphones and singing along They close in 10 minutes and let her have the huge ass folder? You‘re getting nowhere with tht in that time Aus zürisch xD Serge picard, sup buddy ‚Zu hundert pro gframt worde‘ love it Lucasssss Admiring the work SHE‘S DOING THIS IN THE RESTAURANT?!? Milan, you also deserve better friends Uff don‘t take a drink from him ;-; Isabelle ;-; Goood lucas Hi hello I feel like I can‘t breathe, kudos Ott ;-; Lmao the powerwalk towards the light The hospital ;-; djfkgjfkfjfkfkfjfjfk And face touching My bbys Does he still have her gun? TESSA!!!!!!! Babies D‘awww und ott mitm ‚hesch du mich grad duzt’ xD Bahahahhaah I love how shocked they both were at differents parts of the ‚we fucked‘ conversation What the fuck tessa What is that jacket Aww noah with xmas sweater The fashion choices in zurich are so strange. What is that necklace over tie from staatsahwältin

Love her high german Skfkfkdka i love her Godecki is pronounced godetzki? Skylfkkfkf SEK <3333 ‚Ich stürm jetzt denn grad en grossbank, geil oder‘ tessa bby ….you‘re gonna die together? Yeah wait the guy forgot that he never drinks huh Flglfldla god lucas Hot af unfortunately He did drink it Christ Aww singing christmas tree shown Oh she could have been fired? Oh yeah wait she stole evidence lol Power move against power move Ach charlie. You need better friends ;-; OoooOOOH. He gave his coin to her… Bahahahahahahaha isabelle. Fucking rude Here‘s useless money. (Just assuming he‘s gonna pawn it??) I liked that episode. Because lucas is fucking chef's kiss. Not like that weirdo from the twin murder one xD

[allthethingsicantpost]

Friday night was amazing.

This all started the weekend before Halloween. I had made desperate attempts at making plans for that weekend because I knew I would be child-free one night. Unsuccessful, though.

That is, until one of my coworkers who I wasn’t super close with (because she’s new to our team/shift) but have been vibing with more lately reached out and invited me to the Halloween party she and her boyfriend were going to. I immediately was down. Who cares if she was going to be the only person I knew? I can still drink and have fun. And boyyy we did have fun.

Like a week later she gets a text from her boyfriend, which she screenshots and sends to me. He specifically told her to invite me out on Friday, when his friend was going to be in town visiting. He said we’d get along well.

And I’ll be DAMNED if I was gonna pass that up. The timing didn’t work fantastically but I made sure my ex knew I was going out with my friend regardless.

So, no one told H that anyone else was joining them that evening, until my friend showed up and mentioned it. So eventually I get there. And we’re sitting around, drinking, just talking and bullshitting.

And then eventually we make our way out to the bar down the street. And we drink some more. Bullshit some more. H isn’t shy about putting his hand on my back every now & again. A simple enough touch, but definitely intentional.

I knew going into this that I was going to let whatever happen with this situation happen. I was going to have fun and not give a fuck about anything. I knew we were both staying the night, and that there was the couch and the air mattress set up in the living room for us to sleep on. I knew the chances that if we got along well, that we’d fuck, we’re fairly high.

So we left the bar and went back to the apartment. On the way home, someone parked on the street was blasting American Pie by Don McLean. I belted along with it. Once we got up to the apartment, I made Alexa play American Pie and once again belted the lyrics. I kind of fizzled out at some point because… the song is almost 9 minutes long and I was drunk. But H told me to keep singing. So I did. We drank some more. Talked some more. Bullshitted some more.

My friend and her boyfriend decided to retire to bed. And instantaneously, the SECOND they were gone, H slid over to me. And I knewwww. I knew this was a gooo.

The details after that are fuzzy. I don’t remember the exact order of things, exactly how x turned into y. I was preeetty drunk. But we started kissing. And I think I ended up on his lap? One of us was on the other’s lap and I think it makes the most sense to assume it was me on his lap.

Then my friend came out of the bedroom to go to the bathroom. Tiny apartment. Direct line of sight to the couch. We split apart so fast the second we heard the door opening. 😂

And then the second she was done and back in the bedroom, we were right back at it. I remember him pulling my pants off, my leggings getting stuck around my feet, as they do. At some point before long he took my bra off, and I remember being absolutely amazed and how instantly he had it unhooked. DESPITE there being three hooks instead of the usual two. Not a second of difficulty.

I remember him telling me I’m a good kisser. I remember him saying my name so many times. I remember him telling me I’m so tight. I remember FEELING a difference in his size compared to what I’m used to. I remember twinges of pain that felt sooo good. I remember moaning that he was so big. And I remember that his response was, “I’m not,” and then something about how it’s actually little. In no way was he little. I remember him telling me over and over that I’m his, do I know that? And that im okay. So much reassurance and I didn’t ask for, but it was so fucking hot.

At some point we moved to the air mattress. I remember him desperately asking if I had any STIs, that he doesn’t usually do this. Telling me he just got tested a few weeks ago and was clean. I remember getting out enough words to tell him I don’t have herpes. And that I actually just got tested last week because I freaked out over a yeast infection. But it was just a yeast infection. And somehow this didn’t kill the mood at all.

I remember him asking what I wanted at one point. And I told him I wanted him to eat me out & finger me. And he did. I remember blowing him. And that I didn’t try TOO hard, but that I couldn’t easily get all of him in my mouth. Confirmation that my vagina wasn’t lying: he was PACKING.

I remember him slipping a finger in my ass while he fucked me. I remember asking if he wanted to fuck my ass. His response was something along the lines of, “If you…?”

I reached down and grabbed him and pushed myself back on him. This was the point I decided I was indeed too drunk to finish. Anal usually gets me EVERY time but it just wasn’t happening. But it didn’t matter to me. Everything still felt so amazing.

I remember him asking if I came a couple times. I think one of the times I might have lied and said yes? But I can’t remember exactly. I remember him telling me he came “a little” at some point. But that didn’t stop him.

I remember him asking if he could give me a hickey, and I said yes. And fucckkkk did he. It’s so pretty. He really did mark me and I love it.

I remember him sucking on my tits. And unlatching to ask if I might be leaking a little. I told him it was possible (you’d think 2.5 years after weaning that wouldn’t still be the case but YUP), and he told me that was SO hot and latched right back on.

I remember him telling me to wrap my legs around his back. I remember halfway through whining that I needed to be quiet. Because I knew I wasn’t being quiet at all. And the walls of that tiny apartment were THIN. He clapped his hand over my mouth, but didn’t keep it there long. And I continued to be WAY too loud but not REALLY caring. Too drunk. Too deep into the feelings of ecstasy. Knew that my friend and her boyfriend probably anticipated this happening anyways, so who cares if they hear?

I DONT remember were he came exactly. I have suspicions it was a creampie. I think I vaguely remember him asking if it was okay? Like, asking repeatedly if I was sure? And I told him it was safe like I was trying to convince him to spare my life. Just short of begging. But I might have dreamed that interaction. Can’t say for certain. But I know it wasn’t in my mouth. And there was definitely no mess to have been cleaned up afterward. Sooo.

BUT it was safe. And I knew that. I knew I was just about to start my period so I wasn’t fertile anymore. Lo and behold, today Mother Nature blessed me with that confirmation 🙌🏼

And afterward, we laid there for a bit. I don’t remember if we were talking or cuddling or just laying in silence catching our breath. But eventually he said he didn’t want either of them to see his dick so he probably should put clothes back on before he fell asleep. And I agreed, but he insisted I stay there. He went to my bag and found my pajamas and brought them back to me.

And then we went to sleep. Together.

I slept pressed against him, in his arms, all night.

I felt him poking me once morning rolled around. I wiggled my butt back into him a little as he continued to snore off and on. Eventually he woke up and I let on that I was awake. We exchanged good mornings and pressed against each other. His hand found its way under the waistband of my shorts. He teased a little before asking how I was so wet so early in the morning. He asked if we should be doing this, and I asked what he meant. “The walls are so fucking thin.” I agreed, but still snaked my hand down, only to realize the dude not only slept in jeans, but a BELT.

And of course I had to question how the FUCK he slept in jeans and belt. And then that started a whole conversation tht completely distracted from where things WERE going, but probably for the best because the other two occupants of the apartment got up shortly after that.

We all continued to talk and bullshit all morning until I had to leave. Once I got all my stuff together and said bye, my friend and her boyfriend said bye from the couch, but H got up and came to give me a hug, giving a slight smack on my ass as we pulled away.

He lives out of state, but it sounds like he visits decently often. I told them to let me know when he visits again. I hope to godddd I get another shot here and this was not truly just a one night stand.

[i-is-for-inspiring]

Fuck I've missed this story so much

And I KNEWWWW IT. I FKN KNEWWWW THAT SAM DIDN'T KNOW!!! How could he have known?! 😩😩

AND THEN THE JO CONNECTION OH MY GOD I WANNA CRYY! ANAAAAA YOU'RE TOO GOOD, I WANT MORE CHAPTERS!!!!

Also, btw, um wheeen do we plan to tell everyone that the asshole cousin Nick is the bick that was her boyfriend and THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THIS ?!?! I kept waiting for that shoe to drop. Like when is it going to be out in the open? Hm maybe it's not good cause then they would have to get rid of him but oh well

ALSO it hurts that she is now feeling regretful of what she said to Sam. Like I would understand in the moment when she found out that it was actually Dean who she met and then thought they were playing her but girl for what😩😩😩😩 what about all the actions that Sammy was showing 😩😩😩😩😩 and now Sammy is nowhere to be seen !!! When is he coming back? SHE WANTS TO APOLOGIZE!! 😩😩😩😩😩

Ana I NEEEEED more!!!! This is too good. I'm intrigued. I see the plot THICKENING by the second and whyyyy do you stop it there, I WANT TO KNOW MORE GIRLIE!! 🙈🙈 You're too good, I might have to reread your other series in the meantime cause I need the serotonin this whole fic gives me

The new Mrs. Winchester (19)

Word count: 4.5K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Chapter warnings: Implications of sexual abuse, mentions of torture, PTSD, angst, flesh trade, language, mention of violence; reader discretion is strongly advised.

Series Summary: After spending over two years in captivity, and enduring assault, torture, and degradation of every kind, Y/N is finally sold off to the highest bidder. But when the deal is masked as a hushed marriage to a wealthy and powerful man, Y/N knows it means a few more nights of brutal torment ending in certain death. After all, why else would a man like him, want someone like her, except to fulfill desires so depraved that they would require owning a person. However, the Winchester mansion has mysteries of its own, woven in lies, betrayal, and death. Smack in the middle of it, she finds both hope and a home, in the person she least expected to find it with. But when it comes down to it, will she be able to save the thing that matters the most?

A/N: A huge shoutout to all my wonderful readers! Your support and love keeps me going! <3

Beta: My darling, @deanssweetheart23

“You can’t kick 'em in the nuts and make a run for it?” The girl in the next cell asked.

“Not if you want to avoid getting beaten into a pulp,” you told her through a mouthful of bread and tomato. “There’s always a guard outside the door.”

“Kick 'em in the nuts, too.”

You snorted so hard, bits of tomato landed on the floor.

“So, let me get this straight,” she said. “There are fancy rooms upstairs with wardrobes full of fancy clothes that you have to wear and then they take you to other fancy places for men–”

“Sometimes it’s just the fancy rooms overhead. Men come here, too.”

“But they take you out, don’t they?” She argued. “Just go to a reception and tell the hostess, a waitress, anyone. I know you managed to run away once… so why not try again? If they let you out, it can’t be that hard!”

You swallowed the bite in your mouth and sighed. What did it matter if you told her the truth? Neither of you would make it out anyway. 

“They’ve kidnapped my half-brother and half-sister. Little kids, barely six… have them at gunpoint somewhere. I make one wrong move and they are dead.”

“Shit.”

You could picture her dumbstruck expression. After spending a week next to her, seeing her face while going in and out, you were starting to get a hang of her. You still didn’t know why you did it, take her turn every night. Eventually, they would drag her out, but for a week, the boss wasn’t in the building and no one seemed to push the inevitable and drag that girl’s stubborn ass out. 

And boy was she stubborn. She bit and clawed like a wild cat at the guards who tried to drag her. She got plenty beat up in the process, but everyone seemed to wait for the boss to get her in line when he came. 

“Don’t you worry,” she said. “My fiance is going to get us out.”

“Fiance?”

“Yeah. I bet he’s worried out of his mind right now. But there’s police. They’ll find us.”

“The police are in on this,” you said. “They get serviced for their quiet.”

She spat, then screamed in frustration.

Footsteps echoed off the walls, and blood froze in your veins. You recognised the hard tap and unforgiving rhythm of his steps. The boss.

“Go to your bed and pretend to sleep,” you hissed, discarding the sandwich in your hand and doing the same. 

“W-what?”

“Just do it.”

Covering yourself entirely with the blanket, you rolled into a ball, as if that would make you invisible, teleport you out of the horror story you were about witness. Since staring at the glass wall in his cabin for the first time, you had prayed for yourself. The pastor in the church your aunt dragged you to every Sunday preached that one should only pray for the world and not for oneself… because praying for oneself was selfish. If you prayed only for the world, that made you a good person, and God helped good people without having to ask for it.

You had never been particularly religious, but that one thing had stuck around. Subconsciously, all your life, you had never asked for yourself, not from God, the universe or even as a favour from people. If you wanted something, you had worked hard to earn it, and achieve it by sheer will and not divine intervention.

But that first night with the boss had made you pray for yourself over and over.

And you prayed now, in whispers that only remained in your breath, never making a sound. 

God, let him forget that I exist… Not tonight. Please please please.

The footsteps came to a halt, and the door next to yours opened.

You closed your eyes tighter. Oh, that poor girl. He had come for her at last.

“I hear you’ve been difficult.”

A spit.

“Michael,” he said in his cold, raspy voice. “Hand me my cane, now.”

“Yes, Boss,” said Michael, gleefully.

A slash in the air and a piercing scream sliced the air.

You shut your ears tightly as the scuffling began… but then it ended as suddenly as it had started when a loud, sickening crunch which sounded so close to the shared wall that you were certain it had happened against it.

A minute passed.

“Oh, what a terrible waste,” the boss sighed at last, almost delicately. “Remove it.”

The taps receded and then soon they carried her body by your cell, blood trailing behind her.

You sat up bolt in your bed, unable to keep the bile down as you emptied your stomach on the carpet next to the bed. Sam’s side of the carpet.

You plopped back on the bed, breathing heavily. 

“Just a dream,” you told yourself. “Just a dream.” Then, the reality came crashing down on you and you wanted to throw up all over again.

Abby’s quiet knock from the main door wrenched you out of bed and through the seating area. She didn’t have to see the vomit. Her face was pinched when you opened the door for her. She entered trepidly and placed the breakfast tray on the table. 

“Who’s in the house?” You asked

“Just us,” she said. “Mr Dean Winchester left last night itself.”

“And S-Sam? He’s out for his run?”

“Mr Winchester left for work.”

“It’s only 7.”

She gave you an apprehensive look, as if she wanted to say something but was scared of how you would perceive it.

“What is it, Abby?”

“Miss, he’s in a right state, that man. Before you came, he used to be so dry and detached… but this past month, since you first locked yourself in your room, he’s gone from pillar to post for you. Sleep, food, everything be damned. The only thing he has done is worry.” Her hand fluttered nervously to her side. “He stumbled down the steps this morning from exhaustion and still went for his run anyway. I think he needs to see a doctor.”

Abby didn’t know what had conspired last night.

“I don’t know the deal with his brother being back now,” she said, wrangling the corner of her apron. “But everyone knows they don’t get along. It can’t be good for him.”

Sam had looked exhausted last evening. The dark circles under his eyes, the once-fitted shirt that hung loose on his shoulders, and the ever-present frown on his forehead had become more and more etched now. 

“Abby, tell me when Sam is back, will you?”

You sent her away and cleaned up your mess in the bedroom. A hot shower further cleared your head. Taking stock of your time in the Winchester Mansion made you recount the number of times you had run out on Sam, locked yourself in the room, the number of secrets you had kept. So, he’d had his own secrets. You knew that. 

Then there was the fact that Sam had never explicitly said he hated his brother. In fact, he’d never spoken of him without pain mingled with love. His exact words- “We had a fight and I couldn’t see his face after that.” Couldn’t…. Not ‘Didn’t want.’ Nowhere had his words implied that Sam’s consent was considered.

The day appeared stormy, with an overcast sky. Maybe the light of the lantern would carry, perhaps it wouldn’t. You set it on the sill anyway.

Dean found you at the pier an hour later, when you had nearly given up hope. He stood at his usual spot but did not sit beside you and you noticed he was dressed differently; no jacket today, just a black T-shirt and jeans.

Slowly, you tilted your face upwards to meet his sharp green eyes. How often had you wondered what Dean Winchester would be like? Bitter? Angry? But Han wasn’t any of those things.

“Get up!” He ordered, without an ounce of remorse. You got to your feet.

“This way,” he pointed and began to walk towards the jungle without a preamble.

A frisson of annoyance ran through you. Where was his abashedness?

“Sam didn’t know,” he said briskly. “That you knew me. That we knew each other. That poor bastard had no damn clue.”

“You want me to believe you’ve been hiding out in these woods without Sam knowing?”

“Yes.” He came to an abrupt stop and you realised Dean was dead serious. “That kid’s as straight-jacketed as they come. Keeping up the charade nearly did a number on his head, and then you came into the picture. Sam’s nearly lost his goddamned mind over you.”

“He told you that?”

Dean sighed in exasperation. “Haven’t you been listening to a single word? I haven’t seen Sam in months, not since the fight. But he’s my only family left. I had to keep an eye on the kid.”

The trees were too damn thick for any sunlight to trickle down. Dean started walking again and you followed.

“What was the fight about, then?” You pressed, refusing to believe.

“You,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Two years before I came into the picture? Yeah, right.”

Dean tilted his head, weighing his words. “About the idea of you, I guess.”

“Wow, that clears it all up, doesn’t it?” You laughed sarcastically.

He stayed quiet for so long that you actually paid attention to your surroundings, finding the trail vaguely familiar in the thick trees.

“We were to be married in eight weeks,” he said, voice deep and achingly sad. “She’d come to drop off pie for me. Sam says he insisted on dropping her back, but I knew my Jo. She was stubborn that one. If she wanted to drive herself, nothing Sam said would’ve changed her mind. Nothing. Ellen called three hours later asking for her. We searched all night long, all through the woods, all the way two towns over. Nothing. Sniffer dogs couldn’t catch a trail. The police found her car two days later in New Mexico… and her body two weeks later face down in the lake.”

You wanted to reach out, say something… anything, but words failed.

“She hadn’t drowned, Y/N. She’d already been dead when they threw her in there. Post-mortem said haemorrhage… blunt force trauma to the back of her head, ligature marks, bruises…” He closed his eyes unable to continue. 

You knew bits and parts of what followed– Dean’s self-destructive tendency and Sam’s unwavering support. The latter won.

“Sam still thinks he’s to blame. That he should have somehow foreseen it. I know Ellen doesn’t disagree with him or shy away from throwing it in his face.” A mirthless scoff.

“I think the bigger part of her anger is because of what Sam did to you… and me.” You said. “Or rather, what she thinks he did to you and me.”

Dean sighed. “I owe Sam a lot more than my life, a sorry and a thank you. This whole plan hinges on his resilience.”

“What plan?”

He ran a hand through his hair, but his pace slowed down. “The detective working this case, Jody Mills… she’s suspected a human trafficking ring here for years. Every few years someone goes missing or a body mysteriously appears. But this thing has its claws in so deep that we can’t trust the entire PD.”

A shiver ran down your spine.

He glanced at you briefly, and you saw the ever-present kindness there. “You’re smart. I’m sure you’ve figured out a bunch of this yourself.”

Nodding to yourself, you thought out loud. “Sam wasn’t keeping me around for sex, didn’t want to hang me as bait for kidnapping, so obviously he wants information about where I was but…” You vividly remembered the night when he’d held your bloody hand and then all but shushed your barrage when you had tried to spill it all in a haze. “He stopped me from telling him… He didn’t want to hear any of it.”

Dean chuckled. A sudden light sound in the pressing quiet. “And I just called you smart.”

“What?”

“For all your God-forsaken angst over loving Sam… Have you not considered him liking you back?” Dean narrowed his eyes as if he was judging your intelligence. “Obviously it’s hard for him to listen to what you’ve been through. Hell, I’ve choked back on what little you’ve told me. Why are you being so thick?”

Tears sprang in your eyes. 

He placed a gentle hand against your cheek. 

“Give yourself some credit, Y/N. As stupid as you’re being right now, how can you question your own judgement of Sam so easily? You took your time forming your opinion, didn’t you? So consider all proof objectively. He was on board with the plan from day one knowing it would wreck his reputation if I disappeared after transferring my inheritance to him, knowing he’d have to make himself a villain… all for Jo. The kid didn’t bat an eye before agreeing. What led to the fight was the very last step of the plan. After infiltrating the system, he’d have to be one of them and well…”

“Buy a girl,” you finished.

“Yes,” said Dean. The word hung heavy in the air. “Sam refused to do it at first, but it was the only way. It’s killed him since day one, Y/N. And yesterday when you said he’s no better than any of those men who hurt you…”

The tears now freely flowed down your cheek and right into Dean’s palm. He slowly directed your face into his chest, tightly wrapping his arms around you.

“Oh, what have I done?” You whispered into his jacket. 

Sam had banged hard on your door last night and you never gave him a chance to explain. Not a single word. If you truly loved him, how come the trust was broken this easily? And when you refused to speak, he’d respected your consent then, too.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” you said. “I should’ve trusted him, trusted you. After all, you never coaxed anything from me. I–”

A thousand memories ran through your mind: Sam’s fingers holding up your corset, touching his hand for the first time in the entrance hall before, his laugh after the false escape from dinner. Sam handing you a portfolio, Sam showing you around the old guesthouse, his fingers slipping on your wet shirt in the barn, laughing with him on the floor of your bedroom, his voice as he read out poetry… and his lips when they met yours.

“Sam took to playing chess in high school,” said Dean as you moved back. “I don’t think he ever got too good at it, but he used to come back rambling about all these moves, the King's Gambit, the Scandanavian, the Sicilian. He didn’t have anyone to play against, so I learned the basics to humour him and we played every night before bed.”

He’d started walking again and you kept pace this time.

“So there we are one night, recreating some classic game from half a century ago and I played a different piece and well, what do you know, my king ended up in a position from where he couldn’t move. Thought I’d lost because that was the only square my King was safe in. But then Sam said that’s not what it was. I couldn’t be forced to move my King to a checked square, but it wasn’t currently checked. A stalemate is what it was. That’s where we are at, Y/N.”

“A stalemate?”

“Yes. We know pieces of information, but not the ones that actually matter. It’s our move next, but every square is checked, Y/N. We need to know.”

The dim lights of the dungeon came back to you and oddly the crack of the skull. “The operation is not local, definitely crosses state lines. The building where they kept me is somewhere along New Mexico's border. It’s a huge glass building, seven stories high. I don’t know exactly where but from the se…” you gulped. “From the seventh floor, I could see a tall red tower with blinking lights. They blinked all the time… like passing seconds… but slower than s- seconds. The boss sits on the seventh floor.”

“The boss?”

“I-I don’t know his name. No one does. They only call him ‘the boss.”

“This is good, Y/N,” Dean said eagerly. “What does he look like? How does he find these girls? How does he keep them?”

“He… He looks like any other white man, in his 50’s, maybe early 60’s but his eyes, he has the coldest gray eyes and his laugh...” You stopped, collecting your thoughts. “You already know how he gets the girls. Men as scouts, pretending to be friends or lovers, finding vulnerable girls with little in the way of family. Me… Rosalie. About keeping them, there are two ways. One is standard, get them hooked to heroin. Once you have that, they’ll do anything to get the next fix. But those girls don’t make much money, yeah? They aren’t polished. I was the second kind, for the richer clientele that don’t like the smell of drugs and want the girls alive and kicking. For them, guess, it’s easier to blackmail by holding a loved one hostage. Rosalie only had a mother and I only had Jamie and Danny.”

You told him about how your siblings were held hostage somewhere, and how you stayed in line just to protect them.

“There’s very little we wouldn’t do to protect them, wouldn’t we?”

Dean nodded, then came to a halt and you noticed with some surprise that you were standing in front of the wishing well. 

His fingers grazed the parapet's tally marks, and you voiced a long-lost curiosity. “Why do you have one extra?”

“That dumbass brought you here, didn’t he?” Dean snorted. “So much for our secret place.” But he didn’t seem to hold any grudge over it. “Dad brought me here right before Sam was born. Told me this was a magic well, so I needed to make a wish about what I wanted… a sister or a brother.”

“What did you ask for?”

“You see the extra mark there, don’t you?” He winked. “After the fire, I used to run out a lot, trying to find the well again. Wish my dead parents back, you know? Finally found it when I was twelve and Sam was eight. ”

“Seems like you’ve kept pace since with the tallys.”

Dean winked as if there was a secret to it, but didn’t share it with you.

“Come on, make a wish then,” he said.

“One is already due. I don’t want to burden the well.” You sighed. “Look, Dean. I’ll help you with whatever you want. I can draw plans of the building, and the street layout I could see from the seventh floor. Tell you the number of guards, the shifts, even the names of some of the clients, but I need you to promise me that nothing will happen to my brother and sister.”

“I promise.” 

The walk back should have seemed like an interrogation, except Dean held your hand as you described more of the place, the people, the process… the boss.

“I told you already, I don’t know his name,” you burst out when he questioned a third time. 

Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Did he… Did he hurt you? This boss?”

You laughed. One short, shaky laugh. “He had a wall full of these instruments… silver, gleaming and so cold.” Then there was the glass wall.

“Oh, that son of a bitch.”

“I wonder why you think Jo was involved in this,” you said, more to change the subject that anything else. “I mean she didn’t exactly fit the pattern.” Full family, doting boyfriend, well-to-do. Blitz kidnapping didn’t seem likely. The boss had to have had something on her.

“No, she didn’t fit the pattern and for a long time, we didn’t suspect her to have been in this.”

“How come?”

Dean’s voice reduced to barely above a whisper. “No obvious signs of… sexual assault in the postmortem report.” And despite the tragedy of it, Dean almost sounded relieved. He pulled out an old wallet from his back pocket and gazed at a picture inside lovingly. “I don’t know, Y/N, it makes me feel like an asshole but knowing that maybe she might have escaped the worst of it… God, I think it kept me from throwing myself off a damn cliff.”

“Oh, Dean!” You closed the distance in-between to hug him. “I bet she–” you gasped. The wallet hung loosely in his grasp and you glimpsed the picture behind the plastic. 

You grabbed the wallet and held it up. “That… That’s Jo? Your Jo?”

He took you by your shoulders. “You knew her?”

“Oh my God!” All the hurt and anger and fear came crashing down on you as you collapsed to the green earth of the side lawn. Over the years she had gone from being the girl in the next cell, to the girl with brown eyes, to the girl in your nightmares and eventually… the only thing you were proud of.

“She’s… she used to be the girl in the next cell. I knew her.”

“Who did this to her?” Dean asked, voice so sharp, it didn’t even sound his.

“The Boss did,” you whispered. “I think it might have been an accident. I only heard the scuffle and then the crack of her skull. It was quick. She didn’t suffer much.”

There was a sharp intake of breath over you and you didn’t dare look up.

“Dean, you should know, the girls there… eventually choose to stay there. I know I did. Once you stop with the kicking and screaming, it gets a little easier. The bad days are lesser and most clients don’t treat you like complete trash. There’s food on your plate at night and poor orphan girls have a bed to sleep in when they comply… they…. we stop fighting. Because there is no relief to fight for, no home to go to and no one who could protect us. But your Jo, she never stopped. I bet she took a few teeth out of that one guard, too.”

“Did they… did anyone ever…?” He could not spit the entire sentence out and you saw the courage it took to finally confront that question.

You looked straight in his tear-stained tortured eyes. “No one hurt her that way. I… I took her turns for the week she was there. I still don’t know why I did it. I’m not a charitable person, and it was hell that week, but something about her faith in her fiance reminded me of, well, me… before I found out how I got there. I wanted to protect her faith just a little longer. So, no Dean, no one touched her that way. And you should also know, she died like she lived, fighting and believing in your love for her.”

Dean hugged you and broke down. “Thank you… Thank you for doing that for my Jo,” he blubbered. “You’re… You’re like an angel. Sam said that you know… yesterday he said that he thought you were some kind of an angel when he first saw you dressed in white. Wasn’t wrong.”

And you broke down with Dean. The night had descended upon you, as you both held each other in the darkness and just cried. 

Much later, locked in the dining room, you drew the floor plans of the building from your memory, a map of the road and the way to the bus stop that you could remember, the names of the guards, physical descriptions, names of the girls, anything and everything you could think of. The maids all gave you curious looks. Getting along with a brother-in-law would be normal for most families, but an estranged brother-in-law who you had never supposedly met? Knowing the history they knew, that had to look shady.

As it turned out, Dean had been alternating between living in the Guest house in Sam’s room and a cabin further north that not many people knew of in the estate. He knew ways to sneak in and out better than almost anyone. Hired security was never too big a problem for him. He was to set out first thing tomorrow morning to see how he could use your intel.

“You know my roommate Carmen,” you said at the door when he was about to leave. “She might have been the only one to care for me back then. I fought with her the night before. If you can do one thing for me, find her and tell her she was right and I am so very sorry.”

“Of course.” Dean stepped up and kissed your forehead. “And Y/N, I’m going to get that bastard. Not just for what he did to Jo, but also for what he did to you. You said you didn’t fight after a while because you didn’t have a home, a family. Now you do. Remember that.”

You watched Dean head out. He would be gone before you woke up tomorrow, but you felt lighter than you had in years, like the weight of the world had been lifted off your shoulders. Upstairs, you found Abby in her room.

She stood up the moment she saw you. “Miss, is everything alright?”

“Yes, Abby. I was wondering if you knew when Sam would be back?”

“He was home earlier this evening but didn’t stay long. I believe he left for Colorado.”

Hurt. “Did he say anything about when he would return?”

“No, Miss.”

“Did he ask about me?”

“No, Miss.”

“Did he say anything at all?”

The pitying shake of her head was enough for you to turn around and return to your room. What if you had hurt Sam beyond fixing this time? Abby had been correct, he looked fragile, not just physically, but something about the fragmented look in his eyes, as if one blow could shatter him. What if your hurtful words and vitriolic accusation finally pushed him to the edge? How much bullshit could one man take after all?

You had stepped into this house thinking you would be used, and it was the most horrid feeling in the world. What if Sam thought the same now? That you had used him… used his home, his wealth, and his empathy. Hell, you had used his body, too! 

No, you didn’t pray for yourself much. But in that moment you did- God, please give me one chance to apologise. Please.

*****************************

A/N 2: So turns out I was tagging all wrong :/ Ana is feeling sad about that. Hopefully, it will work this time.

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[rapilne]

i figured i wold just comment here instead of putting them on tags lol

WELL

"oh wow, i'm surprised he hasn't told you yet." I SCREAMED for a second I thought that just out of any other way possible the confession would come from doyen himself LMAO

"what a cute kid, you think" PLEASE I do feel for him

AND when he said ily I knewwww she would freak out omg poor baby beom I JUST REALLY cant wait to see her liking him back cause that kiss was someting like

needles to say im loving this a lot, your great and that i'll be at the front row of see me chapter 4

see me | chapter 3: just out of reach

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: after another failed relationship, you're ready to accept your fate as hopeless. choi beomgyu has other plans, though. or, beomgyu's your best friend's little brother and he's tired of you treating him like a kid.

genre: romance, angst, angst with a happy ending, best friend's brother au

word count: 2.2k

notes: it's my favorite person's birthday, so of course i have to post. i love beomgyu so much, y'all. also, i really do plan on making a masterlist soon i SWEAR. i just haven't yet :,). see end of work for more notes :)

beomgyu tries every trick in the book, but nothing seems to help. he tries lessening the gap between you physically to see if it translates to emotionally, but you just brush off every encounter like he's some fucking kid tugging on the back of a grownup's shirt.

he puts on the clothes that he knows suit him best, the ones that drive all the girls crazy, but the most you ever do is compliment him with "i like your shirt, beomie!" and ruffle his silky hair just like you always have.

he even tries lowering his already baritone voice and whispering seductively from behind you, but all you do is ask him if there's something in his throat and giggle as his breath tickles your ear. it feels like he's putting on an entire monkey show for a brick wall, that's about how unresponsive you are to his advances. he almost wonders how you even got into your past relationships in the first place because you seem so oblivious it hurts.

"quick, what else can i do to get her to fall for me?" he texts his friends in a crisis. the trip is over tomorrow and he's made no material progress. he looks to them for the millionth time this week and by now they're all thinking the same thing: it's hopeless. still, the more pitying ones, kai and soobin, tiptoe around that thought while yeonjun and taehyun tell him in no uncertain terms that this entire endeavor is fruitless. it stings, if he's being honest, but in a way, he kind of knows they're right. he's becoming increasingly less subtle, but you seem to be unmoved by every action.

-

"why don't we go to a bar tonight?" yijun suggests in honor of your last night of vacation.

"i'm in," jia replies with a smile.

you heartily agree and decide to dress yourself up a little more than usual. your self confidence has taken yet another blow from yet another unfaithful partner, so the act of putting on makeup and a pretty outfit does wonders for your confidence, but beomgyu is more anxious than ever when he spots you in the outfit you've chosen for the bar. you're always pretty to him, as cliché and insincere as that may sound, but he knows you'll be turning even more heads than usual tonight. he imagines a man piquing your interest right in front of him and it makes his stomach churn. no way in hell is he gonna let that happen —

— is what he says, at least. but some random stranger piquing your interest is the least of his worries now that you're actually at the bar. never in his wildest dreams did he foresee what is actually happening before him right now, which is you being pulled away with a dazed look on your face by none other than doyoon himself.

"what the fuck is he doing here?" and it sounds so much like his own inner monologue he almost thinks it was he himself who said it, but he turns and sees jia with her signature scowl and knows it was actually her.

"that's what i wanna know," beomgyu mumbles.

"who is that?" yijun asks cluelessly.

"that's doyoon," jia answers with venom laced in her tone.

"oh shit, the doyoon?"

"the one and only," jia sneers. "fuck it, i'm going to get her!"

"baby, no," yijun reasons incredibly patiently. "you've gotta let her make decisions for herself. let her do what she needs to do."

"what she needs to do is get her ass back here."

"don't you trust her?" he asks with a frown.

"when it comes to doyoon? nope. not at all." beomgyu flinches at this. he'd been there and heard firsthand just how desperate you were to keep a connection with doyoon after your breakup. there were countless times when he overheard jia scolding you for texting him even after he essentially ripped your heart out, set it ablaze, and stomped on the ashes.

"you shouldn't have to beg somebody to love you, you know?" he remembers jia reasoning.

"i know that, it's just — i just really love him. i don't know who i am without him," you said between tears.

"that's exactly why you don't need him," jia replied softly.

he stopped listening after that. his heart broke with yours for the first — and certainly not the last — time.

beomgyu can't take it. honestly? you haven't even been gone for very long, but when he thinks of the fact that you're out talking to doyoon of all people, he can't help but take a large gulp of whatever liquor he can get his hands on. he's very obviously staring at you talking to doyoon, but you seem without a care in the world if the smile on your face is any indication as to how you're feeling. he can feel the fiery alcohol bubbling up in his stomach as it churns at the possibilities of what could be happening between you two. are you letting him back into your life? does that sentiment even apply when his mark seems to have never really left in the first place? he doesn't know. if he thinks about it carefully, maybe he never wants to know.

-

"how are you?" doyoon asks with the charming smile you used to love so much.

"i..." you hesitate to answer. if you're being honest, you're not doing too hot at the moment and haven't been in a very long time. doyoon seems to take your hesitation as an answer in and of itself.

"yeah, i'm not doing so well, either," he says with a ghost of a smile.

"really?" you ask, head whipping up towards him before you can reel yourself back in. doyoon was always doing well, and even when he wasn't, nobody would be able to tell.

"really."

"why not?" you can't help but ask.

"if i told you my career is at a dead end, would you laugh and tell me i deserve it?"

"... i don't know."

"thank you for not knowing instead of just saying you would," he laughs. "you know, you're a lot kinder than i ever deserved for you to be." you're taken aback by this. you can't believe he's referencing your past relationship in a positive way. after your one-sided breakup, you tried to keep in contact with him in every way possible until he straight up told you you were being pathetic. his words, not your own. what you're even more surprised at, however, is how much you don't care. your heart doesn't seem to clench at the mere sight of his face, let alone at his emotionally provocative words.

"you know, i have no right to say this, but i'm going to, anyway. i'm sorry for what i did to you. really, i am. and if you ever want to get a drink with me sometime, i'd really like to make it up to you."

"i can't believe you have the nerve to say that to me," you counter without missing a beat, shocking even yourself. it only takes you about a millisecond to realize how much you mean it, though. doyoon is floored, to say the very least, but he regains his composure smoothly, just like he always does.

"i figured, but i still thought i'd ask. i know you have someone now, too. i guess it's shameless of me to ask." you stare at him quizzically. could he be talking about donghyun? he can't be. there's no way he'd know about him.

"what do you mean?"

"oh wow, i'm surprised he hasn't told you yet."

"wait, what? who?" you're a little tipsy, so his circuitous way of talking is making your head spin.

"well, if you don't know, i'm sure you will soon," he smirks as he locks eyes with beomgyu, who is currently glaring daggers at him from across the bar.

"i'll let you go," he sighs. "it was nice talking to you, even if you secretly want me to fuck off and never speak to me again." you actually crack a smile at this.

"you know what? it was nice talking to you, too."

you needed this. you needed some tangible closure and you finally have it. as you walk back to your party, you feel lighter than you have in a long, long time. you're finally prepared to fully let go.

-

the night sky is alight with white stars and the salty air is cool against your bare legs. the sound of waves billowing back and forth lull you into a trance, but your reverie is broken by the sound of someone stumbling behind you.

"beomie?"

"hi," he greets a little too loudly while plopping down beside you unceremoniously. you can't help but giggle at how drunk he is. what a cute kid, you think.

"what are you doing out here so late? you should be sleeping it off by now," you tease, nudging his shoulders with yours. you almost notice him lean into your touch, but you don't quite catch it.

"just wanna think," he says.

"about what?"

"a lot of things," he shrugs. you hum in understanding.

"you know, we never got to finish our conversation the other day. what's been bugging you lately?"

he pauses for a moment.

"i'm kinda hung up on someone, honestly," he admits with a lopsided smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes and you're genuinely stunned. he's never been particularly open about any girls he's been involved with, though there have been many based on what jia says. you'd be lying if you said you're not curious to know what kind of girl has the power to make the seemingly impenetrable beomgyu anxious, but you're mainly worried about how he's feeling.

"oh no, what happened?" you ask, sincerely concerned.

"nothing happened," he deadpans. "nothing ever happens. that's the problem." your brows knit in confusion.

"so you haven't made a move on her? why?" you can't fathom why beomgyu of all people would feel like this. he's never seemed to have an issue with getting whoever and whatever he wanted.

"i've tried, but i don't think she's interested in me in that way," he hints as nonchalantly as he can manage in his decidedly not-so-sober state. truthfully, he's not doing the best job at being discreet, either. but you don't notice a thing.

"i don't think that's true. i'm sure if you opened up to her she'd like you. you just have to be vulnerable and who knows? maybe she's interested but just doesn't know how to say it. she probably thinks you don't like her, honestly." his hazy eyes light up with hope. do you know you're the girl in question? are you both talking around the same point?

"you really think so?" he asks, heart racing. even through his drunkenness, he's putting the pieces together, albeit incorrectly.

"of course i do! i mean, you're a catch," you giggle and his heart flutters. "just be yourself and i'm sure you'll get somewhere with her. you can be so hard to read sometimes. maybe she just needs a little push?" the next second, your breath hitches as you feel warm lips latching onto yours. beomgyu is gripping your face with an intensity you've never known before. his lips are nice and warm, if a little chapped, while his eyes are scrunched shut with his long, dark eyelashes trembling in the moonlight. you gasp when he trails his hand down to the small of your back and he takes the opportunity to enter your mouth with his alcohol-laden tongue wrapping around yours. it's easy to melt into the feeling of pure heat with someone, especially when you're tipsy, so you do. you feel yourself melting further into his touch, but when he moans into the kiss, you finally register exactly who that someone is and push him off in a hurry.

"what the hell are you doing?!" you exclaim. you're panting now, face flushed and lips swollen, all thanks to him. he's absolutely fascinated by that fact. hypnotized, even.

"what do you mean?" he asks while blinking his big, watery eyes. he looks so innocent you almost can't believe he's the one who was snaking his tongue down your throat mere moments ago. oh. his tongue was down your throat mere moments ago. the thought itself has you sputtering out questions before your mind can quite catch up.

"w-what do you mean what do i mean? why'd you k-kiss me?"

"'cause i wanted to. 'cause i love you."

the world around you implodes and alarms blare in your ear. what the hell? you've only ever seen beomgyu as a good friend and maybe even a brother, but this? this was simply unprecedented. you would've never in a million years guessed that he harbored even a fraction of a non-platonic feeling for you. he must be drunk out of his fucking mind.

"i just love you so much," he slurs with his lisp in full effect. it's almost as if he can hear your thoughts and is intent on dispelling them.

you hesitate to reply and have the sorriest look on your face, so even in his current state he immediately understands that he misread the signs.

"beomie," you begin slowly and he winces. "i don't—"

"hey, i know. you don't have to tell me. i know," he says simply. "i was the one who misunderstood. you can forget this ever happened." he rises from your side and starts to walk away.

"beomie, wait!" you exclaim.

and, of course, he waits. you've always been able to gently twist his heartstrings in between your fingertips.

"yes?"

"i'm just.. i just don't want to lose you. you mean so much to me."

"you won't." and you never will. that's the problem.

you're at a loss for words, but he just smiles as if he already understands everything you can't seem to verbalize and it breaks your heart. why does it feel like he's the one babying you? with that, he turns away and resumes walking back to the house. you don't stop him this time. you don't have the guts to.

notes pt. 2: r u mad at me? i know i said this will probably be the final chapter, but there's so much more to say. i'm thinking there will probably be one or two more before i finally feel like the story has run its course. also, my pacing is so shit but i'm working on it <3 bear with me please! also, feedback is always appreciated! i'm a words of affirmation kind of gal.

[offshore-writes-blog]

searching for a roommate: maybe also love (4/5)

soulmates!au  (part 4/5)

part 1/ part 2/ part 3/

genre: angstttt and yearning (so same thing?) pairing: Mark x OC inspired by prompt: (i’ll add the link of the list when i find it) 8. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.” 100. ”You’re my soulmate?!”  even soulmates have a hard time admitting they want each other

when i come home from work, mark’s home unlike last night. i should’ve expected that though; he’d been drinking last night and he doesn’t work on weekends. when he hears me, mark’s looking at me with his cute eyes, head turning expectingly to me. there’s even a grin on his face. god, i wish he wasn’t so cute.

“hey, arista!”

“don’t hey arista me.” i feign annoyance as i make my way to my room. why am i even pretending to be mad? because it’s just easier than being freaked out about what i saw on mark this morning. it makes me a little mad at my life because when am i going to get an actual soulmate; not one who’s going to leave me when they meet the actual love of their life.

sensing my fake tone, he chuckles. “i’m really sorry about last night.” he tries, almost following me into my room. “i think i have something to make it up.” god, he’s even actively trying to sound cute; knowing that i’ll crack. BE STRONG ARISTA.

“it’s fine. i was just kidding.” forcing out a small smile, i start closing my door. “i’m really tired so i’m just gonna…sleep.” i look at him a little longer before really closing my door. it literally feels like i ripped my heart out my chest because i could see the playfulness on his face completely fade.

i don’t sleep. i text jackson instead. --text-- arista: about those blind dates.. jackSUN: is horny arista on the rise? arista: SHUT UP maybe yeah definitely set me up jackSUN: are you sure arista: did it ever stop you before GOD jackSUN: right right right right he disappears a while after that. i assume nothing of it. he’s a busy man so i put my phone away only to have it beep with jaebum’s texts. jb: why are you suddenly going on a blind date arista: does jackson ever shut up you two are so dating…………. i literally just texted him jb: we’re together right now seeing as we work together as musicians u know remember when you used to sit here annoying us at our music studio arista: whatever jb: is there anything you wanna tell me? arista: not with jackson there jb: we can meet arista: it’s not that deep Bro chill

i try to lie.

jb: who said it has to be

and out of all the times he’s believed my lies; he sees through me this time. i groan into my pillow. i wallow in my own reality for a while; trying to remember everything that’s happened with mark and i. which is really nothing but... it feels like something. me discovering him as my soulmate.... then i text jaebum. 

arista: after you and jackson are done recording text me don’t let that idiot know say u got a booty call or whatever u must say that a lot anyway jb: wtf first of all r u calling me a whore? second of all ok see u later arista: yeah we can fight it out defSOUL

when i step out my room at around 1:30am, all the lights are out. mark must be sleeping already. i don’t even hear the incessant clicking of his mouse which is normally present at this time when he’s playing whatever frat boy video game.

jaebum’s waiting at the front gate of the apartment complex. only gives me a nod when i reach him and starts leading the way to the convenience store near my place; which is where we’ve had many late night talks. normally with our third companion, jackson.

“how’s the new track coming along?” i try to make conversation as we walk in the literal dead of night. only the sound of our shoes scratching the pavement and shallow breathing in the chilly air, jaebum scoffs and laughs at me a little. it’s dark but i know there’s a fucking smug smirk on his face.

“stop trying to distract me.”

i push him. “is it a crime to be interested in your music?”

“i know you are. but we’re here to talk about something else.”

“right.” i mumble. “it’s about mark.”

“hmmmmmm.” he says in a higher pitch and nudges me with his elbow. “i knewwww it!” 

i scoff and try to look over at him but i only see half his face with the street lights so low and orange. “it’s not what you think. i think he and i are soulmates.”

“what?” he stops mid-step and turns to face me completely.

i begin to explain; how i saw the mark, how i feel about mark and how gut-wrenchingly sad i will be when mark, unsurprisingly, leaves me for his actual romantic soulmate. by the time i’m done talking, we’re finally at the store and jaebum’s been quiet mostly.

when he finally starts to talk, he stops. following his eyes, i look to see mark. jaebum and i are only two steps into the store while i notice that mark’s already gotten everything he needs; holding a large plastic bag. i can even tell what he’s bought, having eaten most of those snacks with him. the memories of such nights makes my heart warm; my entire body actually...but NO NO NO, i shouldn’t feel this way.

“hey mark.” jaebum’s the first to speak with an easy smile. “what’s up?”

“jb, what’re you doing out so late?” mark also says but his smile falters for a second but he manages to smile again.

“mark, i thought you were asleep.” why the fuck did i add that?

“and i thought you were asleep.” mark says immediately without glancing at me but pretending to look into his bag.

“yeah, well. she was.” jaebum lies for me. “but…i…had something to…talk to her about…” he speaks slowly; eyes looking up, probably trying think of another lie to back it up.

“oh.” is all mark says and clears his throat.

“yeah, and since he’s so busy. 2am is really the only good time.” i smile and pretend to elbow jaebum; feigning annoyance.

mark forces a smile. “yeah, well. i was gaming and got hungry. turns out, we were all out of snacks.” he shrugs and looks at me during the last part. “so, here i am.”

“god, stop gaming so much.” jaebum teases with a chuckle. “you’re only stroking your ego at this point. you make video games for a living.” this makes mark actually laugh; shaking his head. this puts my heart at ease just a little.

silence again. the three of us stand there for a few moments too long. mark finally clears his throat and says, “well, i’ll leave you guys to it.” before walking past us.

“see you next week, man.” jaebum remarks, about the beach trip we’d all be taking over the long weekend but we don’t hear mark reply.

// when jaebum drops me off, it’s about 3:24am. we’d eaten instant noodles and drunk his favourite strawberry milk whilst being serious adults and discussed my impending future as an old maid.

“i think you’re overthinking this, arista.” he’d shrugged shoulders so easily, wiping the corners of his lips after breathing in the ramyeon we were meant to ‘share’. “you won’t even give mark a chance? ray was gay but mark’s pretty straight from what i’ve seen.” he laughs.

“yeah, you are too. but you never saw me that way.”

“we aren’t soulmates.”

“fuck.” i mutter, he’d cornered me there. groaning into my hands, i feel even more tensed than before. “that’s what makes it worse. soulmates just have this bond, jae. like, imagine being so attached and then watch him being taken away.”

“do you like mark?”

“i don’t know!” but i do know. i don’t like mark. never, no.

// as quietly as i can, i close the door behind me only to catch mark in the kitchen from the corner of my eyes. “hey.” i mumble and stop in the hallway.

“hey.” he answers, closing the fridge door. “do you want something to eat?” it sounds like something my mom would say to me right after school which makes me smile. “what’s so funny?” his smile mimics mine.

“nothing.” my smile widens. “why are you still up?”

he shrugs.

“you’re not jealous about me meeting jaebum, are you?” i tease, remembering his admission from before. but i regret it immediately when i see how his face shrinks at the mention. “i ate just now. i’m good.” as an attempt to save the conversation, i quickly add.

we just stand there for a few moments. like when i’d seen at the convenience store a few hours ago. i can’t fucking read his face. but i know he’s not happy. but i’m not sure if he’s mad.

“right.” he says and presses his lips into a tight smile. “well, i’m gonna sleep now.” walking past me, he stops. “i’m not, by the way. really. me being jealous, was a one off.” mark explains before he disappears into his room and i cringe. god, i’m such an idiot. yeah...he’s mad...i think?

/// “how does this look?” i walk out my room the third time. with my fellow date-night judges, all sitting on the couch; grace, jackson, bambam and mark. jackson’s finally hooked me up for another blind date.

the moment i walk out grace and bambam are howling. “this!this!this!” they’re both yelling but unsynchronized which makes me laugh. “this outfit makes all the other outfits look like its bitch.” grace comments as i turn around for them.

“jackson, c’mon. you know the guy, so tell me.” i stand before him, hands on my hips waiting for

jackson mumbles something but i can’t hear. normally, he’d be excited that i actually cared about the blind dates he’d set me up on. “yeah, this one’s the best.” he finally says, looking up at me.

“forreal?”

“why are you asking him?” bambam whines. “I STYLE PEOPLE FOR A LIVING.” he groans. “honestly, arista! this is perfect. just the right amount of skin. by that i mean, legs for days. and those heels? god, that guy’s gonna drop dead.”

“we won’t wait up.” grace adds with a wink which makes me burst into another fit of laughter. “okay, babe but really, you look amazing.”

“i don’t know. i liked the first one.” mark croaks, clearing his throat. his comment earns him a round of disapproving groans.

“that?” i frown. “that was a joke. i was in sweats.” originally, i’d wanted to annoy jackson which it did. “that’s not even remotely funny.” rolling my eyes, i head back into my room to get a better look into my mirror. okay, so, bam and grace are right. i look good. and i feel good? i’m excited for the date. it’s one of grace’s little black dresses’ which she’s graciously lent me. it hugs me perfectly and whatever tits i do have aren’t spilling out. so it’s a modest dress mostly.

i wave everyone a goodbye as i grab my coat, leaving for the date. still giddy. but as i wait for the elevator at the lobby, my heard turns instinctively and i see mark. “what’s wrong?” are the first words out my mouth when i read his face.

“um, just, good luck.” approaching me instead of keeping a distance, he smiles at me. “will you be back?” the way he asks it so innocently but it almost makes me believe he means something else.

i nod, laughing. “of course, i’ll be back.” my hands are reaching to his but we’re interrupted when the elevator arrives. “hopefully, tomorrow morning.” sticking my tongue out, i close the elevator door.

and yeah, i don’t go home. jackson’s practically set me up with the perfect guy. like perfect. perfect. but why? in the back of my mind, i keep reminding myself that he’s not my soulmate. now we’re completely naked right now, with his hands in my hair and mouth on breasts but all my dumbass could think about his mark somewhere; indicating whether or not he’s my soulmate.

he isn’t.

but henry’s just so nice. and sweet. and really..really..talented…in bed. so i stay the night and he wants me to.

[titaniclover93]

To whom it may concern, I wanted to pass this information onto you. Please feel free to discern this information as you feel. This has been on my mind for quite some time. There has been some red flags about Bear, actress Kate Winslet’s three-year-old son. The first time I saw a photo of him, there was a mysterious and uncanny resemblance to her best friend and two-time costar, Leonardo DiCaprio. I know you’re going to think I am some crazy fan who’s just seeing things. Let me just explain some items and facts I’ve observed since Kate married her husband Ned Rocknroll. Yeah, I can’t believe that’s his name either. When I found out Kate married Ned, and that Leo walked her down the aisle and gave her away, I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad, since the whole world has wanted Leo and Kate together since they first starred in that epic blockbuster romance “Titanic” twenty years ago. A couple years after Kate married Ned, I read an article about Kate, and one of the questions the journalist asked her was simply whether Leo really did walk Kate down the aisle. Her response was: “I’m not telling. I’m not saying anything,” before giving a cheeky smile. So… what really happened that day when Kate supposedly married Ned…? Oh, and that is just the first item off the list. I soon after found out a few more details about her wedding to Ned, and one of those things was that Leo wrote Kate a poem and read it to her at her wedding. Umm… That sounds like some damn wedding vows to me! I’m not done. In January or February 2013, right after the wedding, Leo put together a party/reception for whoever could not attend the wedding. Why does it seem Leo is so involved in Kate’s life and marriage this time around? Quite bizarre if you ask me. In a lot of ways Ned seems more like a cover-up than her husband to help hide Leo and Kate’s secret relationship/marriage. Another thing, Leo hasn’t had a girlfriend for longer than a year ever since Kate was in that fire at Necker Island back in 2011. Coincidence? I think not! All those models he “dates” are more like buddies to him than anything else. They mean nothing to Leo. Alright, now let’s jump to Bear. When Kate announced she was pregnant with her third child with husband Ned, I was over the moon for her. One thing I noticed during her pregnancy though was that there were minimal, close to no photos of her with Ned. When there was a photo, he was always in front pulling her along, almost as if he was some assistant. Neither did she ever have photos taken of herself and Ned on the red carpet, at any events. Even today, she refuses to. I’m just sitting here thinking “he is your husband! Shouldn’t you be posing for photos with him? Like a normal married couple would?” As soon as Bear was born, I couldn’t wait till we saw a photo. No public photos at all. One day while going through Twitter, I came across this photo of Ned’s cousin holding a baby. “Is that Bear?” I asked myself. Sure enough it was. Not too long after, another photo surfaced. Again, it was a photo posted by a member of Ned’s family. The more I saw these photos, the more I noticed an interesting yet bizarre similarity to Leonardo DiCaprio, especially when I compared them to Leo’s baby photos. They even share some of the same facial expressions as you can see in the photos, and in one of the baby photos of Bear and Leo, they have the same exact crooked smile on the left side. Baby Bear possesses zero resemblance to his supposed father Ned. That’s quite apparent, even in the most recent photo of Bear, when he was seen at the airport in Vancouver, when Kate arrived there to film “The Mountain Between Us” last November. I have heard most babies look like their father the first year of their life as a way to bond with their newborns. Ned’s facial structure is narrow and longer, whereas Bear’s face is very round just like Leo’s. The older Bear gets, I see Leo’s features more and more in his face. Please note that Kate would not let her teenage daughter have Instagram, which is something almost every teen in the world has. I think it’s pretty telling when a parent will not let them use such a popular app, and specifically make the point about not wanting their daughter to share photos of her baby brother Bear. Why such the effort to hide him? Another glaring piece of evidence I would like to point out is the fact that Bear is the only one of Kate’s three kids who does not share their father’s last name. Mia and Joe both have their fathers’ last names, whereas Bear does not. Why would Ned purposely change his legal last name to something as ridiculous as ‘Rocknroll’, while full well knowing it would pass onto any kids he has. I personally think Bear’s legal name is Bear Blaze Winslet DiCaprio. One theory I had was that Kate and Ned could not have a child together, so Leo agreed to be their sperm donor. That would explain Bear’s looks. Or it could have been something as simple as she had an affair with Leo, and they conceived a child. Recently, when Kate is giving interviews and Leo’s name is brought up, she acts very nervous. Meaning gets fidgety, cannot keep eye contact with the interviewer, nervous laughter. Another piece of information I’d like to mention, is the “Bear” Nameplate necklace Leo gifted Kate with shortly after Bear was born, which sounds like a push present. Honestly, it doesn’t make sense to me that Leo would randomly get Kate a necklace with her and Ned’s son’s name on it. He could have purchased her a blanket or a new toy for Baby Bear. He got her a necklace with his name on it. That is an extremely personal gift to give someone. Think about that one. Now let me just go back to last year’s award season. You know when Leo won his long overdue Oscar? Yeah, that time. That was the first time they were seen in public together since Bear was born, and boy if I didn’t know any better, I’d think they were a couple. The way they acted on the red carpet together, super touchy feely, could not take their eyes off one another. Then of course Kate’s reaction to Leo winning his Oscar was beyond priceless. Oh, then during the BAFTA award show, in one of Kate’s red carpet interviews, she was saying her own love story was her favorite love story. The interviewer responded by saying “the only one you need”. Kate decided to top it off by saying “ohhh…. If only you knew, if only you knewwww…” OK, now that pretty much solidified it for me, that there is something big going on in Kate’s personal life we don’t know…” One last thing I would like to stress, is when Kate joined Leo in St. Tropez for his fourth annual Foundation Gala, there were no words for the way they acted onstage. Genuinely holding hands, smiling, laughing like a real couple, almost as if it was second nature to them. Of course, two weeks later, those photos of them were released spending time together at his villa. Kate made no effort to hide the fact she was in a bikini with only a sheer tunic top over it, and Leo shirtless in swim trunks. Ned was nowhere to be seen anywhere on that trip. I highly doubt they would have their arms wrapped around each other, if that were the case. Then an onlooker explaining how they were seen on a couch lying together by the pool, exchanging intimate, tender gestures.  Oh my gosh! I almost forgot to mention the ring Leo gifted Kate with right after filming “Revolutionary Road” in 2007. The supposed “friendship” ring. OK, I’m sorry, no man buys a female friend a gift as intimate as a ring and calls it a friendship ring, especially at their age! I believe that ring was some sort of promise ring, in which he was going to marry her one day. Since it has that very secret inscription engraved in it, which Kate refuses to say anything about. Leo has not had a girlfriend for more than a year, since filming “Revolutionary Road” with Kate. That is when I believe he truly realized his feelings for Kate. Hence why he gave her that ring. In conclusion, I believe this information should be discerned, investigated, and discussed at your leisure, which going back to my main point, is why Bear so “coincidentally” resembles Leo and Leo’s mother for that matter. They share the same hair color and hair type/curliness; but also how Kate is trying her very hardest to not let photos of him be released to the public. In one photo, Kate had a photo shoot, and you can see she was holding Bear, but did not want him in the picture. I am not trying to start gossip. I am just a very observant person, especially when it comes to something of this size and scale. Just don’t even go to Kate and Leo’s reps first. Put it out there, and then let Kate and Leo try to deny the freaking thing. They won’t be able to. There are too many red flags. It all just makes sense. Take a look and observe the photos that are attached with this letter.  I would very much appreciate a reply back that you have received and read this letter.  Feel free to contact me at any time. I look forward to hearing from you and appreciate your time and consideration.