#see what i mean w the embarassment projection

[pinkwright]

if u rlly wanna kiss me | shuri udaku.

ƸӜƷ

pairing — bestfriend!shuri x bar singer!y/n

trope — best friends 2 lovers

inspo — ride the dragon by fka twigs

warnings — shuri’s touchy, dom!shuri, fingering (r!receiving), light choking but also not rlly choking, reader is easily embarrassed (a lil projecting yk), they’re best friends, shuri is a lil mean n condescending, verbal kink (?), humiliation kink (again projection my apologies), slight love kink lol, dirty talk but its sweet imo, n i think that’s it.

a/n — completely forgot about taglists but u can send me an ask to be on it ! for now i'm just tagging the inspos n some of my fav accs <3

⟢˚ @rxcently @saintwrld @shurismainbxtch @playgurlxoxo @verachii @dejaonline @mbakuetshurisprincess @ppawmpkin

ஜ

if you really wanna kiss me, kiss me quickly (do it quickly, do it, do it, do it quickly, do it, do it)

“thank you everyone”, you laugh. your voice rings through the area as the claps ring out, cheers echoing through your favourite bar to perform at. a cheeky smile is spreading across your cheeks and your heart is pumping with adrenaline.

your heart races as you make your way down the stairs, looking into the dark eyes of your best friend as she holds her hand out for you to grasp. “brilliant,” she firmly pulls you close. “as always, s’thandwa.” murmuring the words against the shell of your ear.

the blood rushes to your face, shielded by the depths of the tones of your skin as you flash her a quick shy smile and clear your throat, muttering her thanks under your breath. you let her walk you to your dressing room, exchanging greetings with both familiar and unfamiliar faces, as you take to trying to ignore shuri’s warm firm press on the skin of your lower back.

the soft neo-soul track dampens with the soft click of your dressing room door, and you go to gather your belongings, you stop to reapply your lip gloss and lock eyes with shuri in the mirror. she’s leaning against the door frame, arms crossed across her torso, and you find she’s watching you like a cat does her prey.

“you’re so devastatingly gifted, you know that?” she sings in that low alluring voice of hers. the beating of your heart rings in your ears as her words settle into a tight ball in the depths of your stomach. you can hear yourself giggle nervously as you avert your eyes, muttering out a weak, “stop”, as you put your lip gloss and the last of your stuff in your bag.

shuri laughs softly with a smirk on her pretty lips, pushing off the door as you approach her, “you never could take a compliment.” the roll of your eyes prompts her to laugh louder as she opens the door for you to make your way to her car. the ignition rumbles into a start then she's reversing into the route to your apartment.

she hums softly, embarrassingly, to your own track and you take the opportunity to admire her. shuri’s and your relationship was hard to describe; while traditionally you were best friends – the pet names, the touches, and the way she spoke to you, not to mention the constant tension, all said something completely different. the logical part of you defined it as shuri’s interest in you but the sensing side of yourself denied that idea vehemently – there was just no way the queen of wakanda, the black panther, and quite frankly, the light of your life was in love with you.

“y/n, baby, you good?”

you snap out of your thoughts and find that you’re parked outside of your building. shuri’s dark eyes are intense as they roam over your seated figure and you smile softly, definitely not into you, “yeah, are you coming up tonight?” you blink at the insinuation in your words. opening the door to jump out and keeping it slightly ajar to hear her hum of agreement.

before you can get pulled into your thoughts, your loft apartment door is closing and you're throwing yourself on your couch with a deep sigh. shuri places herself right next to you, her hand sliding over your thigh as she guides your leg over hers. your foot falls between her man-spread legs and she essentially draws you right against her, inadvertently spreading your legs as your head lulls to rest in the dip of her neck. she sighs as she mindlessly traces patterns on your heated skin, and you try, desperately, to tame the fire growing under your skin.

the silence is filled with a tension you can feel with every expanse of your lungs, every beat of your heart, and every pump of blood through your veins but also carries that familiar comfort and calm that comes with being around shuri. her hand switches from brushing along your inner calf to the muscles of your inner thigh, and your breath hitches as you subconsciously drop your legs open that much more – just enough for her to notice, surely. her hand pauses and you freeze at the chuckle that leaves her lips, moving into her form, as if you could disappear into her if you pressed close enough.

“something you want to say to me, y/n?”

your head draws further into her neck as you stammer out her name, your ribs feeling like cages to the heat overflowing within you, “i think you know.” your voice shakes as you hear her let out a click of disapproval.

“i can’t give you anything if you don’t tell me what i want to hear.” her voice has the condescending lure of a siren disparaging her victim. you whimper, she's being so mean. slowly, you bring yourself to straddle her and drop your gaze to her lips to avoid that look in her eyes, “you’re acting dumb on purpose.” you whine out in utter humiliation.

her hands grip your waist to still your gyrating hips, pressing you into her lap, “i need to hear you say it, angel. can you do that for me?” her lips are brushing your cheekbone, and she's squeezing your skin.

your lips part, wanting to hear more, and feel more, “shuri, please… please i need you.” you're breathless. the words spill out as desperate gasps of air and you're embarassed by how wet that makes you. you felt like you couldn't breathe, the heated atmosphere deliciously suffocating.

you feel her smirk spread as her hands slip down your thighs and play with the hem of your skirt, she hums as one hand makes its way to exactly where you need her. the other wrapping around your neck to bring your gaze to hers, she hates when your eyes aren’t on hers. you exhale a stuttered breath as you look into the intensity of them, she looks like she wants to ruin you. your pussy clenches as your hips buck, every breath shared between the both of you fuelling the pool between your legs.

those slender fingers slip into your panties and immediately slide over your clit, and you're moaning out. shuri's bringing your lips right against her own, not kissing you, just holding you there — breathing air into and stealing the air from your lungs, simultaneously giving you life, and taking it away from you.

“that’s it, my pretty fucking baby, let me feel you.”

her voice is coaxing you towards the ocean of your release and guiding you to rock your hips in time with her fingers. you’re whimpering, pleading with her to give you more, and more – you want everything she has to give. she chuckles, that condescending lilt humiliating you but simultaneously adding to the tightening in your core, she slips a finger into your entrance and you’re crying out into the swell of her lips, “please, please, please… shuri”.

“tell me you love me, s'thandwa, and i'll take you there.”

she starts to circle the swell of your clit with the pad of her thumb, your eyes momentarily shut, and all you can see, hear, and breathe is her. the exchange of breath, the coo of her voice, and suddenly you're insatiable — you need her. if you were more coherent you would have heard the mirrored desperation laced in her tone, like she needed to hear that to continue living, needed you to fuel her existence.

the warmth from the humiliation of feeling so exposed pushes you further, as she gives you a second finger and presses right against your spot. your hips are stuttering as you wetly gasp out her name. “i know, i know angel, that’s my spot, isn’t it? right there hm? that’s where you need me?”

your form twitches at her words, your pussy clenching around her fingers, drawing her deeper into you, wanting her home, “i love you; i love you so much, please shuri, please.” you’re crying out. your hand is gripping the arm working your dripping pussy, your hips canting to the pretty melody of her thrusts, and her eyes are boring into yours as you beg her to bring you over. her grip around your throat tightens slightly, her thumb brushing up and down the tendon, as she curls her fingers to brush your spot, her spot, and you’re stilling.

“ndiphilele s'thandwa sam' (come for me, my love).”

then you’re sobbing out your orgasm, your body is shaking violently, feeling shuri’s sharp intake of breath against your lips as she works and talks you through it. you’re panting into her mouth, tears collecting on the lashes of your shut eyes as you try to breathe through the aftershocks. you feel shuri’s praises rather than hear them, her hands caressing the bare expanse of your ribs, “there you go. breathe for me, nkosazana, come back to me.”

when you come to, shuri’s gazing at you so deeply that you’re forced to slightly pull back and look down at her lips again, “you haven’t kissed me”, you whisper. you roll your lips in embarrassment when she just tilts her head and smirks. “stop," you drag the syllable out, "i literally told you i love you while i was coming on your fingers, nigga. and you still haven’t kissed me.” you whine as you slightly push her shoulder.

“i love you, y/n. ungumoya endiphefumelayo, ungulukhanyo lwam' (you are the air that I breathe, you are [the giver of] my sight). the sole bearer of my soul," she pauses. her hand rises to gently grip yours, and bring it to rest on the beating of her heart, "and look at me. i need you to know that above all of that, uluvuko wam', sthandwa (you are [the cause of] my resurrection, love).”

she looks at you seriously, unrelentingly, wanting her words to sink into the crevices of your skin to carve themselves within your psyche, and your eyes instantly fill with tears as you whisper her name with a tremble.

a squeeze of your waist and she’s leaning in as you shakily exhale and, in a moment, her lips are on yours, moving in synchronicity, melting over yours like the sun into the horizon. shuri’s kissing you like she wants to breathe you in, trapping you in place so you have no choice but to take and take everything she’s giving you.

she loves you.

do it quickly ‘fore the end of the song, waiting a minute for your love.

ஜ

[linnienin]

Hey, may I ask you about sirene?

So, I have this scorpio sirene in my 5H, trine asc and mercury, opp mars. Plus, I also have lilith trine asc and cancer asc is at 20 degrees.

The question is, I'm a fire dominant but there is a strong water effect that directly affects how I look, as you can see. How can I intensify this effect? How would you take advantage of all this?

H o w ⁕ t o ⁕ s t e p ⁕ i n t o ⁕ y o u r ⁕ S i r e n e ⁕ p o w e r

Hi gorgeous! ✨

First of all, thank you for the interesting question, not many people have this creativity, you really caught my eye hahah

I'll try to use both theory and practice to help you as best as i can, hope you find this somehow helpful 🥰

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

We're gonna go through these steps:

⁕ Understanding the energy of the Sirene sign, and the aspects to a deeper dive into its flow

⁕ Understanding how to use the house energy to connect to your Sirene

⁕ Understanding practical ways to implement this energy irl (including fashion tips to enhance your appereance)

Always remember, don't be afraid to make mistakes,

Practice makes perfect 😉

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

U n d e r s t a n d i n g ⁕ t h e ⁕ e n e r g y :

⁕ Righ off the bat, Scorpio Sirene energy is naturally very intense, so it will catch attentions no matter what

⁕ Your Sirene trine AC and Mercury means you are a natural at using this energy when you communicate and express your outward persona to the public, people see you as charismatic

⁕ Your Mars opposition however, shows that you might not be very confident in yourself when you tap into this energy, you might even feel shameful for it, and so you withdrawn yourself from using this potential, and you tend to feel embarassed of all the attention you receive

⁕ This aspect can also make you susceptible to criticism and quick to react impulsively to it, it's important you master how to connect to the depth of your emotions, to fully understand and embrace them, instead of falling in the trap of projecting your fears

⁕ You should work on this opposition first, so you can truly gain your confidence and own your power 😉

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

P r a c t i c a l ⁕ t i p s :

⁕ Connect with water, while taking a shower, going to the sea, even the simple action of drinking, use these moment to immerge completely in the element

⁕ Use the 5th house energy to connect with your Sirene energy:

⁕ Dance (i recommend trying bellydance since it includes fluid movements, so you can put into practice what you understood about the water element)

⁕ Get creative, paint, write (let that mercury help your sirene since it's a trine), have fun, let go of your fears and inhibitions

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

F a s h i o n ⁕ t i p s :

⁕ Try on satin dresses girllll! They scream water+fire energy to me hahah, you'd look amazing in them. The fluidity (water element) of the fabric mixed with the shiny and glossy look of it (fire element), you'd slay for sure 👀

⁕ I'd recommend playing with leather too, like Sandy in Grease, you can see she uses leather in a clever way, in the beginning she depicts herself as confident and fiery using a thick leather jacket (still a fluid fit), but when she takes it off, you can see she wears skinny leather pants with a lighter visual weight top to accomodate and accentuate her delicate frame.

People would go craazy for this, you show yourself as fiery and unapproachable, but as you take off your statement piece, you look very vulnerable and sexy ( show the depth of your Scorpio Sirene, by mixing it to your fire dominance and your Cancer AC )

You can be sexy, confident and cute all together 😉

⁕ Try dark colours to accentuate that scorpio energy and your lilith trine AC (if you're blonde, opt for dark blue rather than black, it should complement you better instead that creating a harsh effect on you)

⁕ I think you should also try red, cause the 5th house of Leo and the Mars opposition, yeah, totally recommended. But if you want to include your water energy here, i recommend you keep the fabric flowy and light.

⁕ Try "wet makeup" look (like a true mermaid), adding also some sparkles in between your hair (you should try some hair pins with pearls for example) and on top of your eyelids. I don't recommend putting on bold colours on your eyelids because you're cancer AC and probably have delicate features.

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

And this is it!

I hope you enjoyed this breakthrough, and hope it gave you some ideas on how to work on your Sirene energy ✨

Good practice,

and i wish you a wonderful day! 🌸

Yours,

Linnie

[subskz]

JUST READ CLEAN AND ?!?!??! WHAT A TREAT IT WAS <3 the way you write jisung got me kicking my feet and rolling around in my bed. u are a godsent.

the idea of worshipping his body, telling him how good he looks while kissing up all over him, making him blush and get all shy?!? ji would absolutely get flustered. it reminds me during the seoul concerts, stays would shout the words 'handsome' at him when he was doing his ment and he had to stop for a moment because he was getting shy DSAFJAKLS please he's so cute hhh. also, the way he gets needy and dependent on you when he's low energy... the thought of him clinging to you and whining PLEASE i almost threw myself into the sun. i melted. I CRIED. he's so cute oh i wanna eat him up.

you're so right about him being loud too. i think its obvious from the way ji is loud in his daily life, he would definitely be loud too in intimate situations. he'd have such a hard time keeping quiet. i could so visually imagine ji scrambling against the shower walls, pleading with his eyes as the most sinful noises escaped him. he just needs you so bad. OHHH MY GOD i cant i love ji so much this ruined me FR! it was, overall, just so cute. taking care of ji because he's just a precious little thing. AAAAA PLEASE i love him i want to smother him in my love like i want ot pounce on him and just kiss the shit out of him (ok im projecting sorry im just a silly little han jisunger)

i also wanna thank you for the hilarious visual of chan swimming too far out into sea and having the lifeguard drive him back. i kinda just imagined a soaking chris with his face in his hands on the back of a speedboat, utterly embarassed. 😭OH and jeongin just wanting to deck the shit out of changbin for ruining his sand castle PLS

another BEAUTIFUL piece by our beloved author. ily <3 ur fics will always get me excited.

– 🤍

once again your message has me sobbing 😭😭 thank you so much angel i’m so thrilled you enjoyed it! especially since you’re our resident hannie lover hehe if you approve then i have to see it as a success <3

i know exactly what you mean there’s nothing cuter than the boy who calls himself handsome like it’s his dayjob getting flustered when someone else compliments him ㅠㅠ the way he was patting his cheeks at the seoul concert because his face had gotten all hot from embarrassment is absolutely the perfect example 🥰 hannie is truly so noisy and sensitive which is the deadliest combo when trying not to get caught, if he’s making the most suggestive noises over the most mundane things we can only imagine how he’d sound when he’s feeling good hehe. also i’m so glad you liked that part LMAO it was a lil silly but i couldn’t help but think that chan w his infinite amount of swimming medals would pull smth like that 😭 n binnie’s clumsy ass ruining yeni’s work just felt right…oh to have a beach day w skz

thank you again for giving such lovely and detailed feedback my dear it really makes my day every time!! ily too and i’m sending u the biggest smooch on earth MWAH 😽💖

[metaphor-cheese]

Viewing all phineas and ferb characters as autistic is so nice because you rarely see a range of personality types with autistic characters in the same show

[blxetsi]

Hello! I love your blog and writing so much! May I please request modern au dating hcs for Mikasa?

tysm for requesting ilysm 🙈💥

i also went a bit overboard i hope thats okay !!

modern mikasa ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!mikasa ackerman x gn!reader

- eren finds out abt her crush on you. idc idc

- mf may be dense sometimes but he isnt stupid, he KNOWS what mikasa acts like when shes in the presence of her crush,, he would know bc he was one ;)

- anyways, maybe your like, going up to ask mikasa for her notes from last class, or just chatting with them to be friendly

- either way mikasa goes from 😳 to 😐 real quick

- shes very quiet which youre used to so you dont really think too long abt her lack of communication. its literally just you and eren talking at this point

- after you leave to,,, idk sit under a tree ?? erens immediately turning to mikasa being like "okay tell me everything"

- she denies the crush on u 😔💔

- but then eren tells armin.

- and eren has a big mouth so who knows who else he told ??

- so finally, after beating up eren for spilling the beans she tells her two closest friends EVERYTHING

- like from how nice your hair smells to how pretty she finds your eyes. how she loves your sense of style. she just likes everything about you

- erens like "i mean yeah theyre rlly cute but like,,, what do you like about them that isnt physical 😐"

- mikasa starts blushing HARD. and slowly goes to her bedroom in their shared apartment, before slinking back out holding a crinkly folded piece of paper.

- its something you wrote and it says "thanks for studying with me mikasa !! let me treat you to boba as a thanks. youre so sweet, ill see you next class babie"

- erens looking at the note like 😐 mf is this it ??

- armins flipping it back and forth and reading it over and over again

- mikasa just says "theyre kind to everyone. and theyre funny. i just like them a lot."

- erens like 🙄 k but armins all for it

- then they start coming up with a plan to get you to like mikasa back (even though mikasa doesnt want that)

- erens an asshole and says "mikasa i love you and you will always be my number one, HOWEVER. they might just see you as a friend, OR WORSE. an aquaintance. we gotta make u so cool that youre irresistable"

- now mikasa is a bit worried

- HOWEVER. what none of those idiots know is that YOU have had a fat crush on mikasa since you asked her for a pencil at the beginning of the semester 😍 she stared at u like 😐✏️ and u were like "omg thanks 😊" w a little blush on ur cheeks bc mikasa's hot

- i mean,, if you didnt like mikasa WHY would you have invited her out for boba ?? one, who doesnt like boba ?? and two,, doesnt that count as a date ? u didnt know but u just wanted to like ✨subtly✨ shoot your shot

- but that was almost a month ago and she hasnt said yes. so you assume she didnt wanna go

- a few days go by after mikasa tells her friends all about her crush. and like,,, they do nothing ?? what happened to the big plan of making mikasa seem like the coolest person around ?

- it turns out eren doesnt know enough about you to know what you like. and ur dumbass friends aint help either.

- so one day he finds you and mikasa coming out of your shared class, your talking about something and mikasa is just nodding with a blush on her cheeks.

- he runs up to both of you before saying "hey just to let you know mikasa has a big crush on you. and she'd love to go get boba with you 😁👍"

- mikasa gets so red in the face and starts smacking him with her binder. you couldnt stop it even if you tried

- after literally YELLING at them for their attention you just turn to mikasa like "please get boba with me 🥺" and she cant resist

- and then the rest is history 😌✨

- after the boba date you learned so much about her and vice versa. you guys were like,, closer than ever. always going to her apartment or her coming to your dorm

- you guys would have sleepovers very frequently. nothing ever happens but you two like being so close with each other

- and you guys do a lot together when you arent busy with school or work or friends

- mikasa takes you to cool museums and art galleries

- you take her to cool shops downtown and parks

- its so fun

- but you cant help but wonder if youre dating or not ?? like do you have the right to call mikasa your gf ?? you guys havent kissed on the lips but she always kisses your head when you cuddle, and you always take each other out on dates

- on the day you finally bring it up during one of your sleepovers. shes on her back and youre almost on top of her with your arms around her shoulders and your face smushed into her chest

- u just kinda mumble "are you my girlfriend ?"

- and its SILENT.

- u start freaking out bc "omg she doesnt like me 😁👍 im gonna cry"

- until she just quietly says. "yes."

- OFNWIDNKWSMWKKWKALSMQLSME

- ur gonna marry this girl 😐

- her love language ?? definitely acts of service. idc idc.

- when u sleep over shes making you tea without u asking. (u said u liked lavender tea ONCE and this bith got a whole container 😭😭)

- when you have movie nights with her, eren, and armin she always chooses a movie you like ("no we arent watching the florida project again armin cried last time" "yeah but y/n loves it so" "this feels like oppression mikasa" "okay and ?")

- is also very protective. she hears mfs in the halls talking shit about you ?? shes shutting them up with her glare

- also u know how isayama made her goth in his like, highschool thingy ?? yeah 😍

- #gothmikasasupremacy

- she makes her eyeliner and shadow messy on purpose.

- you love just laying her down on her bed and straddling her, just leaning over and doing her makeup for her (jules and anna tease 🙈✨)

- sometimes you guys go to thrift stores and pick out outfits for each other

- one time you found this GORGEOUS floral sundress and she physically shivered from the thought of wearing

- tried it on and looked SO BEAUTIFUL, but it wasnt her style 😐

- also doesnt tell her parents about you ?? not bc shes embarassed or anything but just because she knows her dad is gonna be like "who are they ? what are they like ? where do they live ? whats their major ? where are they from ? whats their zodiac sign ?"

- he doesnt do it to play the "overprotective dad" role but because hes genuinely curious and excited

- she brings you home for the first time and youre so surprised because this tall blond man is her FATHER ?? she looks so much like her mom though its not even funny

- for dinner her mom and dad made traditional japanese food 😭😭 it was so good omfg

- also this has nothing to do with dating headcanons but mikasa used to live off of lunchables as a kid. was literally addicted to the rubber like ham 😍

- her mom is so sweet, and she shows you all of the stuff she's embroidered all these years

- her dad is so extroverted, he loves telling dad jokes. you find them HILARIOUS but mikasa sits there like 😐👍

- he DEMANDS you guys play scrabble. he says it help him figure out who you are as a person. now youre scared 😁👍

- anyways

- you love giving her little kisses on her lips because one, you get some of her moisturizing lip gloss on your lips and two, she blushes SO HARD

- one time you two were on a date and you ran into her ex. whos literally so scary

- her name is annie and shes blonde and muscular and rlly hot but has that same blank stare as mikasa

- you feel kinda weird bc how did she go from being with ANNIE to you ??

- you ask her abt it and shes like "oh yeah we dated in our last year of high school. im much happier with you" and now youre feeling all giggly and happy bc mikasa doesnt lie 😭😭

- u roll around on her bed with your cheeks squished together to hide your blush bc you feel so good that she said that

- she just rolls her eyes before getting on top of you and taking your hands away from your face

- she gives u kisses all over before putting the final one on your lips. its such a soft and sweet moment with just the two of you, you cant help but confirm what youve already thought:

youre gonna marry her one day.

a/n

i REAAALLLLYYYY enjoyed making this oml. i hope u all enjoyed this !! remember: requests r open for anything aot OR u can give me ideas for other fandoms to write for

kk goodbye friends 🤩🤩🤩

[kanesthirstblog]

NSFW ALPHABET: ABE HARUAKI

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Requires lots of aftercare but also wants to take care of you. Very clingly, like, will latch onto you and cuddle you for the rest of the night clingy. You should probably give him some reassurance or comfort, he seems like the type to stress about whether or not he was any good to you once the fun is over.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Hmmm... Totally the sappy kinda guy who tells you he loves all of your body and thinks it's beautiful and 100% means every praise he sings you about it. He loves everything about you from your soft hair to the tips of your toes.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

God. Just imagining him sprawled out on any surface with an exhausted yet dopey look in his eyes, covered in his own cum (and/or yours of course!) after a few rounds of sex really makes me feel satisfied. Really can't explain this one

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Secretly a bit of a masochist but also scared of being hurt so he never asks even if he really wants to.

Also secretly owns a couple erotic novels he used as "research" when you first brought up wanting a sexual relationship. Since you are his first, he would want to see how he's supposed to act in that scenenrio so he could please you properly. (But damn was he shocked when you wanted to be the dominant one. That wasn't in his books.) Haruaki learns the importance of communication that day.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Dudes a canon virgin y'all. This also excites me.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Secretly loves it when he's on his back so he can see your face as you ride him or peg him. He just thinks you're the prettiest person he's evermet and loves watching you even as you tease or toy with him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's a sappy guy. Would probably look at you like a puppy who sees someone they really love. Besides that he's have that dopey look like he's never been happier than he is in that moment, smiling up at you.

Once you've had sex a couple times he might start opening up more, cracking jokes and asking shy requests from you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Yup. Makes sure he's nice and clean especially

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He really tries hard to be romantic but he has 0 experience in this area and often fumbles his way through it by trying to be sweet and make you feel good. Very bad at saying romantic things and would probably give up after a bit before he dies from embarassment.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Tbh I actually think he'd barely masturbate if he did at all. This is partly because I actually have an asexual headcanon for him and partly cause in canon he seems really put off by sexual things if not being outright afraid of them.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Contrary to some of the fandom headcanons, I don't really imagine the sailor uniform thing as a kink. It just seems like a typical fixation or something that gets played up for laughs to a strange degree. But maybe thats my ADHD dumbass brain projecting my ADHD onto a fave. (Off topic but him knowing everything about sailor uniforms, from design to creation, being able to make them himself, getting happy any time he sees one, ect. Are headcanons I have because his weird fixation with them reminds me of my fixation on rocks, mushrooms, and jewelry.)

HOWEVER

Praise kink. Body worship. He'd love to be pet gently while you tell him how pretty he is. How you love his soft hair or his long legs or slender form as you lightly trail you fingertips down his body or card fingers through his hair. And he would do the same for you too.

Might at least try pegging, and then realizes he actually likes it when you hold him down and pound his ass.

Would be too embarrassed and a bit scared to bring this up but actually likes the idea being treated roughly. If you could pull at his hair and bite him even a little bit he'd practically melt in your hands.

Might try bondage if it's light. Soft hand cuffs or silk ropes are the way to go.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

At home. Anywhere is fine as long as its at home

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The fastest way is probably being physical with him or just stripping for him. He gets embarassed and tries to hide but you know he's aroused, you can feel it when you sit on his lap.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He'd probably not be okay with having more than one partner. You might frighten him if he starts feeling like you guys are ganging up on him.

Public/semi-public sex is a no go. Especially since he is a teacher, he wouldn't risk his job on the off chance you both get caught.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I think he actually might no be very into oral at first. But will give or recieve though you may have to hear some complaint about it being kind of unsanitary or something. He's also kinda bad a giving oral but what did you expect? He's a virgin.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Personally prefers the slow and sensual kinda sex but you set the pace regardless so ultimately it's up to you. He won't be turned into a stuttering mess right away if you guys take it slow.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Alright with it as long as it stays private. You'll be the only one asking for these but try to get him in the morning before he leaves for work so you can corner him against a counter. Its best when his back is turned so you can grab his hair and lick along his throat, nipping here and there. He'd shiver in your arms as you trail a hand down to undo his pants

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As long as it isn't a risk to him (would probably be too scared to try knifeplay) or job (no public/semi-public sex) you could probably talk him into it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Hmmm... Depends I guess. I feel like he might only be active for a round or maybe 2 before he starts slowing down. You could still pound the guy into the mattress but he'll have those half lidded doe eyes cloudy with exhaustion. He'd wrap his arms around you loosely as if you'll help ground him to the waking world and try to hold you closer to him.

At that point you should definitely ask a few times before you start another round to make sure he's okay and reassure him that it's alright to stop now. Strikes me as someone who could easily fall into a place where he'd hide his desire to stop just so you can use him for your own fun since it makes you happy. That could be kinda bad for his mental health.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

You'd be the one with all the toys tbh. But you can sure as hell use them on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's not much of a tease but if he's feeling playful, he might play up the innocent look of his. He really is a pretty innocent guy actually, but he knows you love that sweet look he's got to him and he will use it on you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

So damn loud. This guy would moan and beg loudly, scream your name and plead for mercy, for relief as you all but eat him alive. Might even cry and whine and beg. Oh, but he tries to be quiet so he doesn't risk disturbing anyone. He'd purse his lips and turn away from you while you play with his body in an attempt to stay quiet but he always gives in quickly. It's easy to turn this guy into a whimpering, begging mess no matter how many times you do this.

You'll know when he's tired because he will be unable to make much noise besides low pants and gasps. Probably best to wrap things up at that point before ya fuck him unconcious.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I have a few actually.

-Has a hard time saying no to you. He's a bit cowardly and overthinks and he would be afraid to lose a first relationship. This is potentially hazardous to his mental health because he might say "yes" to something he doesn't want for fear of losing you. Consent is important though so even if it's difficult at first, keep checking to make sure he's alright.

-I actually headcanon him as a sex indifferent asexual. He can 100% live with sex or without it. Doesn't matter to him, though he's terrified of trying it for the first time.

-The first time you tried to get him in bed, you pinned him to a wall and he was terrified because he thought you were trying to shake him down or harass him. (Well, the latter part was true but not the way he expected.) And then you kissed him and he straight up broke, wrapped himself in blankets and hid under the futon for the rest of the day. Disappointing? Sure, but damn was it cute.

-I'm actually caught up on how he would take to dirty talk tbh since a lot of it I've seen or heard involves some form or another of calling your partner a slut or whatever. Seems to be popular. On one hand if he's secretly a masochist, he might be into it. But on the other, he also seems like he might take anything you say to him to heart and beat himself up over it and would ultimately not like it. Also probably would not be comfortable if he did the dirty talking and assuming he manages to make it through the night without apologizing to you for everything he says, then you'll hear it when you finish.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Mandragora patterned briefs. You cannot change my mind on this one.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not very, so he's pretty chill about it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on how much you exhausted him but it usually doesn't take that long.

Bonus:

Some more cute Haruaki.

[dizzyingflicker]

frigid air (fic commentary)

literally no one asked for this but hello! hi! if you didn’t know, i wrote a 11 chapter fic called ‘frigid air’ a few weeks back. the fic started as jayhoon centric, but it kinda got off the rails from there hehe

the birth of the idea

so the bri from a few weeks ago was already thinking about writing a lengthy enha au. 

i just finished writing a jakehoon one shot and wanted to try my hand at writing another ship! at first, i thought of typical au ideas that were college themed. those are the most fun to write and read imo, bc it’s so grounded in reality. and also bc the jakehoon one shot i wrote was a lot heavier and angsty, which was something i think i’m better at doing! there’s this really great fic i read that inspired me to try my hand at some lighter themes! 

after reading that au, i was like “hmmmm im gonna try writing some romcom type of stuff.” i always ALWAYS write angst, so this was a really nice and fun change! 

yes, back to the college au ideas. i then began to think about what majors the enha kids would do if they went to college. my notes for the first outline kind of went like this: 

Jay - fashion major, new addition to the dorm, is rich but doesnt want anyone to know, is kind despite being taken advantage of in his hometown, just wants a normal family 

Heeseung - music production major, has a soundcloud lowkey but doesn't let anyone know, is going thru his first real heartbreak and is using music to deal with it 

Jungwon - hasnt decided on a major, came to uni w a full ride taekwondo scholarship, secret boyfriend, coming to terms w sexuality 

Jake - australian exchange student, architecture major, maybe gets a weird stalker? 

Sunoo - beauty school, wants to be a hairstylist, kinda eccentric, knows everyone’s business

Sunghoon - figure skater, doesnt go to school, is close to getting on the national team, lives in a dorm to avoid his tiger parents, softspot for his younger sister

Niki - dance major from japan, is a little too clingy, feels lonely away from his family 

in hindsight, the characters here seem a lot more deeper and fleshed out as compared to what i ended up writing, but i realized that if i kept all of this in - it would’ve been really overwhelming for the reader. i had to remind myself that this was a jayhoon centric fic LMAOOOOO 

after writing this, i was like “WAITTTT A HOT SEC” this sounds a lot like hello my twenties! which btw, is an amazing show on netflix that you should definitely watch. i watched this show with my girlfriend and man, the way it handled all of the a,b,c, etc plots was so fantastic. 

every character had their own stories and that’s what i loved. usually in fics or aus, a lot of the side characters sort of fade into the background. they also do this thing where their main reason for existence is to lift the mc or main ship up in the story. i wanted to avoid that, so taking inspo from hello my 20s, i decided to give every character a story. whether it be something big like sunoo’s stalker or something small like heejake’s and jungniel’s development, i wanted to give them all something to tell. in hello my 20s, each of the girs living in that house had their own unique stories that fit them really well. whether i did it as well as the writers of the show - that’s something else to unpack, right? 

the characters and their developments 

so this is something i’m not sure if i did well in or not. the original plot was to have jay and sunghoon not get along at all. with jay’s abrasiveness and sunghoon’s surface coolness, i thought it would be fun to see them butt heads. but i realized that it wasn’t so realistic because they don’t really see each other enough to butt heads that much. i thought making sunghoon shy and reserved (thus standoffish) while jay tries his best to make sunghoon open up was a lot more cuter. 

jay is a lot more bold in this, even through his embarassing moments. he’s self-assured, determined and open to pretty much anything. he’s generous and friendly. the only weakness jay has is he’s too presumptious sometimes and assumes stuff without any real basis, as seen with him assuming that ryujin and sunghoon were dating bc of a passing remark from jake and some yt comments. i gave him a dead dad at the end of the fic bc hello we’re projecting but also to explain why he’s super close to his mum and why he’s just a tad bit behind everyone else his age. i wanted to expand on this a little but sadly, i kinda ran out of words to talk about this. if you know what i mean. tbh, jay doesn’t have much of a development in this. that’s something i really want to improve on in my next au, giving my mc some actual development instead of getting carried away with other side characters. 

sunghoon is, as i said, shy and reserved. he has a lil trauma from being rejected by seon years ago. you can tell that his experience was not pleasant at all - so he keeps feelings of attraction and want farrrrrr away from him. sunghoon is sorry he’s an anti-romantic, if you will. throughout this fic, you see him open up to jay and realize that not every guy he’s attracted to will reject him painfully. he also learns that he doesn’t need to keep people at an arms length away and that opening himself up to more people will bring about very nice things! very cliche but hey, it iz what it iz. 

jungwon was a fun one to write! not bc i feel a little of what he feels, but bc he’s adorable with daniel and having him be unsure was fun to write. jungwon is pretty self-assured in this fic, but with daniel, he’s not really sure what he’s doing. 

heeseung feels secure enough with jake that he’s willing to sing in front of him, which is something he doesn’t do. jake is very naive about relationships and hee’s feelings for him, but heeseung kind of brings him down back to reality with the scene from han river. heeseung is getting over a breakup and that stuff takes a while, so that’s why i didn’t let them get together too fast. hee knows how jake feels about him and he doesn’t want to ruin it by jumping into things so fast. 

sunoo is super friendly and too trusting with people, which is both a blessing and a curse. niki and him have been attached to the hip since their friendship started and niki sees sunoo as a very very dear friend to him. bc who else lets him sleep in his bed and who else buys him taiyaki everyday? that’s right, it’s his sunoo hyung. sunoo also cares for niki a lot and they’re just very sweet. 

what i did well and what i didn’t 

okay this is debatable, but i did like how i wrote the developing relationships in this, mostly the ones that weren’t the main jayhoon arc. i liked the way i wrote jungwon and daniel’s little friction and i loved heejake’s confession scene. 

the humour in this was a little weak for me, but it was my first attempt at writing it so it’s forgivable. 

i just wished i wrote the main relationship better. i feel like it took a while at the beginning and suddenly went from 49 to 27403 real quick. if i were to rewrite it, i’d give them a lot more time to pine as that stage before friends and maybe insert more conflict. 

i’d give jay a stronger conflict other than trying to befriend with sunghoon. his character felt very 1d for me and i didn’t like that. i needed to develop him more tbh LMAOOO 

music! 

anti-romantic by txt

perhaps love by eric nam ft cheeze

love poem by iu 

give love by akmu 

hope ur ok by olivia rodrigo 

only yoou by yand da il 

references for sunghoon’s ice skating 

sunghoon’s white outfit in the youtube video with ryujin 

sunghoon’s black outfit in nationals 

the reference pic jay draws of sunghoon (which seon sees) 

if you read the fic, i’d like to say thank you! i had a lot of fun writing this and seeing everyone’s reactions to the plot twists was super fun hehehehe i genuinely loved doing it even tho it gave me a lot stress! thank u for reading this if u read it too LMAOOOOO 

[queerchoicesblog]

An Unexpected Turn of Events

Hiya, folks! So, as previously announced, the wlw writing project continues after a break with a miniseries set back in Vienna, one of the iconic capitals of opera at the time of Mozart. An emerging singer gets the chance to be an understudy in the latest Mozart’s discussed opera Le Nozze di Figaro (The Marriage of Figaro), that  premiered at the Burgtheater in Vienna on 1 May 1786, w and play the pants role of the page Cherubino. Preparing for the role doesn’t quite go as planned… .

Tagging: @scottishqueer​

Previous chapter: The Understudy

Hope you enjoy it: if you do, please consider spreading the word!

____________________

A couple of days later I go back to Melchiorri for another session as planned. He is inflexible that I allow my voice to rest at least one day before practising again not to damage it. As I observe the streets of Vienna passing by from my carriage, I wonder if the little fugitive will visit us today too and a tiny smile crosses my lips. I should be bothered by such unprofessionalism but surprisingly I enjoyed the interruption. A private comedic enteract. It also reminded me the maestro is human: I stole a glance of the domestic, family life people like me is generally unfamiliar with. I don't plan to marry anytime soon honestly if I can avoid it, despite what my Aunt claims. I owe her and my uncle, the wealthy side of my family, everything. She brought me away from the small town by the Alps I lived with Mom, Dad and Hans, my little brother in a wooden cottage by a stream. We weren't indigents, we owned a small typography in town that mainly served the local journal of the valley and well, the church crafting the prayer books you would find on the bench every day at mass. We weren't rich with either: you don't exactly became high socialite with so little. Hans is now running the typography as my father's eyes are not the ones he used to have since he got sick. I don't envy my poor brother; I am glad I got my way out of that life. I am eternally grateful to Auntie Helga for insisting to drag me to Graz and deciding to turn me into a star of the opera after hearing me perform a solo in the church choir during one of her - not so frequent, actually - visits.

Auntie built her fortune over a good marriage with a promising young lawyer who couldn't resist her charm and eventually allowed her to live in sober luxury and even be invited to court. But that seemed to be her sole aspiration in life: she left the small town and never looked back. I am an opera singer, I want more. My career comes first and I have yet to meet a worthy match honestly. And no, I don't want to be a puppet, a doll to a man who will eventually ask me to leave the stage and my beloved arias to look after a child or be a proper wife, whatever it means. So, no, thanks, I chuckle in my head while taking the hand the driver offer me to get off the carriage. When I knock at the door, I am considering that maybe Herr Giorgio is not that bad, even if I didn't like the way he addressed the maid and the poor naughty boy. Nor the lusty looks he throws me. The maid welcomes me with a smile and a little reverence. Good girl, probably she expects me to chastise her too. As if I had any intention to do so! She takes my fur and quickly disappear into the wardrobe room before walking back towardsme. I thank her for her zeal but I know the way to the music room, the maestro is surely waiting for me, I say. I start walking but what she says next makes me freeze, confused. "Actually, Miss...the master is not here today. I'm very sorry. His wife is waiting for you in the tea room". What? That...that must be a joke. The maestro hired to prepare me last minute disappears before the official rehearsals. I turn and throw a bad look at the poor maid, who doesn't deserve it in the least. She's just a messenger, her eyes beg before lowering them to her feet. She's right, my anger is all for Mister Melchiorri. What do I do now? "Whatever, lead the way then" I exclaim, following her. "I can't wait to hear what the fair lady has to say about this". My voice is cold, sardonic; the girl doesn't say a single word while we walk in the opposite direction than my usual route in the house. She's certainly too afraid to dare say a thing. When we finally arrive to the right room, she knocks politely at the door and steps in when a female voice comes from the inside. She bows her head and announces my presence before disappearing back down the corridor. She stops only to let the door open for me. I let out an annoyed sigh and enter. The room is significantly different from the maestro's studio. No instruments, only paintings at the walls and fresh flowers on the little tables around the room. The perfume is delicate and inebriating: are they orchids, I wonder? A neat wooden library holds the place of honour on the main wall, opposite the fireplace and framed by windows that fills the whole room by natural light, even if the sun doesn't shine today: it will probably rain soon. Letting my eyes wonder outside I spot green and a carousel: I didn't realise we were so close to a park! Unlike the music room, here even if the furniture, the velvet armchairs, the Persian rugs, every decor are certainly expensive, the atmosphere is surprisingly...cozy, an adjective I would have never thought of associated with Melchiorri's place. It's almost inviting, calming? "Miss Bauer, I am so incredibly sorry for the the latest developments and all the trouble they must bring on you...but please, take a seat! Franziska will be back soon with fresh tea". I turn to see a woman gesturing me to join her by the fireplace. Her German has a thick Italian accent which gives her "a bit of exotic" as they say at court. She doesn't wear a wig, her long raven hair are done up in an elaborate grateful chignon and two curly strands frame her visage. She reminds me one of those shepherdesses portrayed in bucolic frescos at the Emperor's Palace. Her dress is not in character though: a plain, cerulean dress which is not necessarily cheap but does nothing to enhance her figure. Poor taste probably: even money can do little about it sometimes. She must be in her early thirties or so I wager and thinner than most ladies I know in her standing...I wonder why Melchiorri chose her if he's so clearly fond of female curves. Maybe it's another arranged loveless marriage. I wouldn't be surprised. I oblige and thank her politely, forgetting my anger for a moment. It surprises me, it must be a reflex, a natural response the soothing silky voice of the lady. Like the feral beasts tamed by the gentle melody of Orpheus' song, I think trying to shake away such thought. I suddenly realise that I don't know her name. Melchiorri never talked about her. But I don't want to tell her: it's not a nice thing to say to a wife, right? As if reading my thoughts, she shakes her head slightly embarassed. "I forgot my manners, didn't I?" she sighs. "You must forgive me, Miss, I do not receive many visitors lately and I've never been introduced to famous opera singers...nor any of my husband's pupils. My name is Cecilia, Cecilia Melchiorri". I feel a pang of sadness for this lady excluded from the theatre world his husband works in. I don't get why she has to be cast out like that. I've met other illustrious wives at social gatherings around Vienna or at court. I offer her my hand, gesturing no apologies are needed, and repeat her name. "Cecilia...". Sadly, I completely butcher it: I studied Italian for the opera but my Austrian tongue is still incapable to recreate the sweet sounds that comes so natural to her. It must not be the first time because her lips curl in a quick understanding smile. "You can call me Lia, if it's easier for you. My family used to call me so". Lia...what a pretty little name. I smile, grateful. "I will then, if you don't mind...Lia. You can call me Constanze: it seems only fair". "As you wish, Miss Bauer!" she says before realising her mistake. We share an amused look, even if hers is a bit more bashful. In that moment, after another polite knock, Franziska returns with the tea and some butter biscuits. They're different from the ones Mister Melchiorri usually offers me in his studio. She's serving the tea when a familiar figure materialises on the threshold of the room at my peripheral. Lia is giving him the shoulders so she can't see him. I turn in his direction with a smirk. "I believe we've already met, right, Sir?" The two women turn at unison too and the kid childishly hides his face but doesn't move. After a moment he spies us through his fingers and retrieves his hands, smiling. Franziska puts the tray underneath her arm and tells Lia that she will bring him to his room, making the boy pout. He's quite the character. "Maybe he followed you because he just wants a biscuit" I say, my eyes wandering between them to check if I'm overstepping. "Maybe you're right...but only if he doesn't bother you" Melchiorri's wife concedes with a tired smile. I shake my head and take the decorated plate in my hands. "Would you like one?" I ask in Italian to her son, not sure if he speaks proper German. His face brightens up and he nods enthusiastically. We share a soft laugh, even the maid joins. He gets ready to speed across the room when he stops, considering. He searches his mother for approval. Lia nods, asking to behave like a good boy though. So he approaches slower than he wanted, with great effort to refrain himself, and grabs a biscuit from the plate. Before taking a generous bite, he mutters a quick thank you. "Mystery solved" I comment, placing the plate back on the table. "You must excuse him, Miss Ba- Constanze" Lia say, gently pulling him closer. "Nino is not a bad kid, just a bit of a rascal at times". "A rascal with a sweet tooth" Franziska adds and we share another laughter. "I'm so sorry he interrupted your private session the other day. Franziska had quite a fair share of work to do and I was indisposed in my room, I couldn't look after him as I usually do". I dismiss her apologies, taking a sip of tea. "But it was fun, wasn't it?" I wink at Nino who chuckles. "Yes and she sings very well, Ma" he says, turning to his mother. "Of course, I heard her too from my room" she smiles. "She's a promise of the opera, it's written on the newspapers". "Sing again?" the little boy begs, expectantly. His childish enthusiasm amuses me. "I cannot do those trills now, I need to warm up my voice first" I apologise, before winking. "Another time, I promise". Lia whispers something into his ear and he thanks me, concealing his disappointment. Crumbs are stuck on his lips and make the smile that follows a bit funnier than it was supposed to be. "Now, sweetheart, why don't you follow Franziska back to the kitchen?" She says, stroking his curls. "Take another biscuit and she will give you a glass of milk, just as you like it, huh?". She doesn't have to say it twice: while the maid gently places and arm around his shoulders, guiding him away, he takes not one but two biscuits in his hands. He throws me a conspiratorial look before chuckling. Then he turns towards Lia and stretches his neck to kiss her cheek. She caresses his face and tells him to be good with Franziska. When the two of them are out of the room, she meets my gaze again, shaking hear head. "Apologies, Miss...I sent Franziska to buy these for you this morning and he managed to put his eyes on them. He became obsessed". "Kids" I shrug, unbothered. I am pleasantly impressed that she had such a kind gesture towards me. I mean it could be a way to get on my good side because of the news she has to give me...but after all, this situation is not her fault. Her husband left her to deal with this and me all alone. She turns serious and sighs. "Anyway, have you heard of the flooding near Salzburg?". "What?". "Torrential rain lead to conspicuous floodings in the area surrounding Salzburg. I don't know if Giorgio mentioned it to you but he head there after your session for a family emergency....his brother lives there". "I'm afraid he didn't say a thing about his little journey" I say, trying my hardest not to look angered, even if I am: I would have rather be informed sooner of such details. By the look on her face I can tell she expected such an answer. "He surely thought he would be back in time today, he didn't mention staying for long. But during the night the weather deteriorated and the roads are pretty much impracticable, so to speak. We've just received a note saying he will be back as soon as travelling conditions are restored and the emergency solved. Probably a couple of days...maybe more? He must have sent you a similar one, you just missed it because you were on your way here already". "A couple of days? Maybe more?" I exclaim. That's not promising... "The rehearsals start in a week" I frown. "I still need to practise...". "You are free to do it here if you wish, Miss" she suggests, apologetic yet encouraging. "I am perfectly aware this is a hideous setback for you with such a tight schedule. You must believe me when I say I wish we never put you in this situation...if there's anything I can do, Miss, ask away. I'm not my husband but...". I consider her words for a moment. My mind runs wild to find a solution for this unexpected unfavourable circumstance. I could find another maestro maybe but how, within such a short notice and little time before official rehearsals begin? I could do it on my own but another sudden foolish idea crosses my mind. "Do you play the cello, Mrs. Lia?" I must have taken her by surprise by the look on her face. She tries to conceal it, refilling her cup. "Why, yes. My father was a musician, I took cello classes in my youth but I don't see how this-". "Excellent! Then you can take your husband's place until the he’s back" I exclaim, cutting her short. My words must come as a shock: she almost spits her tea. "Beg pardon, Miss?". "You will be my maestro, well understudy maestro for the time being" I smile, explaining. "You said yourself that you can play the cello, you can assist me as I practice". "But...but I don't have my husband expertise" she objects, at loss of words. "You heard me practicing with your husband, right? So you must know how it should sound. And that aside, you can even tell yourself if my performance is good or not: you have ears too, if I am not mistaken". She opens her mouth to say something, anything to make me change my mind and spare her such thing...but nothing comes. Her lips presses together for a moment before she places her cup back on the table. "Very well, then...if you think it would work" she smiles weakly. "Just be patient with me: I do not usually play opera arias".

[cabin-13]

u said self indulgent nico hcs?? 👀👀

ajkdsjkkj when I say self-indulgent, it’s Self-Indulgent and i pretty much ignore richard’s canon / haven't reread the books from either series in a long time nor have i read toa but if ur really interested... (long post ahead, sorry!)

nb nico is top tier 

goes by he/they pronouns 

touristcore aesthetic that’s slowly encroaching into e-person territory

he’s The Blueprint

likes thorn from the hex girls (even the reboot ver.) but digs dusk’s look more

how is this related u may ask?

yeah, i answer

idc abt canon so he and drew are bitchy friends and drew rags on his appearance constantly while brushing his hair but throws in self-care tips btwn loving insults

nico: you know im not a boy right

drew: doesnt change the fact you look like a wet rat, sweetie <3

i will forever stand by reynico being (platonic) soulmates and im gonna b extra self-indulgent and say they were friends in previous lives too and that’s why they vibed w each other so well <3 

speaking of previous lives, well.... heh..

(no but really, this hc is kinda embarassing but , if u want elaboration uhhhhhhhhhh)

i know nico only has like. a 5th grade education but i like to think he would be a good student ... if anything i think hades would at least homeschool him with the ghosts of (famous) teachers ??? he seems to be naturally curious and he’s kind of a smart ass (not in a mean way) in canon idk

polyglot nico! polyglot nico! polyglot nico!!!! he becomes the go-to translator at camp ( like he isn't already sjkjskjdk) 

yes he would know asl. why? bc i said so and rick needs to include include some hoh/deaf characters within the greek/roman pantheon <3 (if there is, not counting hearthstone from mcga)

leo finds out abt nico knowing spanish bc he once snorted at a joke he said and now leo won’t stop telling him shit like “¿cuál es la fruta que más se ríe? .... la naranja, ja, ja, ja --”

ironically has the best hair at chb (rick once said the di angelos had silky hair in the titan’s curse i think + reyna said something abt his hair too in boo ?? i'll have to check...) once he cleans up and the aphrodite kids are seething

nico’s hair starting to gray at a young age is also an interesting concept ! i think tumblr user fuocogo drew something ft that and it stuck with me

really self indulgent but he’s roman at heart (maybe even Literally. i read somewhere that an italian fan said the di angelos fit the desc. of modern day romans better than venicians ?? if i find it, i’ll link it >>>)

 i like to think his family are legacies of victoria seeing as he’s always one of the key pieces / an important informant for winning both wars ... plus his grandpa was a diplomat and uhhh idk where I was going w this ngl

speaking of family, I need to know if the di angelo bloodline no longer exists assuming maria was an only child and there was no mention of any other di angelos aside from her parents ..? i like the idea of nico finding out that he has more family tho !!

also I would love it if rick cleared up where and when he met maria pls and thank u <3

I MISS BABY NICO’S PERSONALITY SM ... which is why i propose that whenever one of his friend’s see his eyes sparkling and arms waving while he babbles abt whatever topic, they think it’s really cute !!!! like !! keep talking !! 

 he gets embarrassed when he sees his friends smiling at him but it kinda makes him a bit teary eyed bc it’s been so long since he was able to talk abt his interests without being shut down / forcing himself to keep quiet because he felt like he was being too childish/annoying

what im saying is that he should be able to act like a kid bc he is one !!!! he's 14 !!!!!

he either has the cutest laugh or the weirdest laugh and it strictly depends on who ur asking

i feel like he sneezes like a kitten...............he sneezes and everyone whips their head around to look at him and he’s never wanted to dig a hole and put himself in it more than now

i like the imagery of tinkling bells being associated with him so im gonna sayyy he would have a necklace with a little bell (something like this kinda ??) and yes, leo would’ve made it for him as a joke kinda but not really

valdangelo (either as a friendship or nah) is underrated

like ur telling me this kid has a metal dragon and builds the coolest things ever and nico doesn't even think it’s a little bit cool ?? nah. rr did them dirty.

the kids at camp love him and i won't take no for an answer

he brings out ye ol’ mythomagic figurines to explain/show them the monsters and gods of the greek pantheon

it’s a win-win situation bc he gets to babble abt his hyperfixation and the kids get to learn abt what they're gonna get into in a way that’s better than the camp orientation film (since nico’s literally the only one who’s seen it ((but i think the stolls wanted to check it out too ??)) )

they give him a “camp’s best counselor <3333” mug and he cries abt it to reyna and hazel

yes he’s wearing an unusual amount of friendship bracelets no he's not gonna take them off shut up

unfortunately im team short!nico bc i want 2 see him get engulfed by the hugs his sisters (yes this includes reyna) and friends give him !!! 

he wears demonia platform sneakers / doc martens (and converse but that’s p much a given) thank you <3

piper/nico friendship ... I Need It

they borrow each other’s clothes constantly

leo and them clown on jason  and jason is Suffering but he loves them all so it’s ok 

piper could probably carry nico 

nico stress bakes 

yeah

he and clovis become good friends and hang out in the dream world and u know what, im gonna say they’re cuddle buddies too. clovis seems like he would give nice hugs !

im a sucker for nico having friends from different pantheons too !!! also becoming sort-of friends with gods/immortals of different pantheons !!

the underworld demigod discord gc is cursed; one moment they're all talking abt how they're pretty much fated to stay in the underworld while they're both living and after they die but the next moment someone says they want a hug and a chorus of “yeah...”’s follows.

nico was a momma’s boy most definitely 

speaking of which, i like to think that while him and bianca looked like their dad and mom respectively, it would’ve switched when they got older ?? idk

autistic nico ..... rick make it canon and not btwn the lines......

idk how to explain this one bc it’s just Plain Weird but . i feel like . nico would like?? hang out under his bed ??? maybe i’ll draw a pic or something and edit this later sjjdjkddk

this is just me projecting but he hates looking at mirrors / seeing himself in photos bc the person he sees doesn't match the person he sees in his head ?? if that makes sense ??? like he doesn't look like the nico he used to be bc of how much his appearance changed ? idk

uhhh he sometimes hallucinates, esp when he was in tartarus and in the month after coming out of the jar

maybe i’ll elaborate on this later ..

i need more annabeth and nico friendship pls...... both of them like/liked percy and now he can't stop getting clowned 

HOWEVER.... if I see one more “not his/my type” joke im going to delete my tumblr

speaking of which, i have a conspiracy theory abt Things, but i don't wanna get my ass sniped into next tuesday

introvert leo forcing himself to be the group comedian even though he’d much rather be with machines and extrovert nico who pushes ppl away so he doesn't get hurt but desiring the company of another type vibes. im not gonna elaborate.

his latest hyperfixation is pokemon and his favorite pokemon are gengar and skitty, but jirachi and mimikyuu are close seconds

has a crush on N Harmonia  and a bunch of the male gym leaders no im not gonna elaborate

this isn't a hc but. rick u really gotta stop writing abt ppl automatically distrusting nico because of his appearance / godly parent (although some were kinda warranted based of their personal history even though nico still pulled through in the end)  im getting tired of reading abt ppl wanting to like. hurt him or Actually hurting him for stuff he didn't have control of sjkjsjkdsjkdk (like wtf happened with frank when hazel got poisoned?? I thought frank actually liked nico ahjkjsjkf) 

uhhhhh that’s p much it ??????  sorry for the long ass post .. maybe i’ll write abt him more if ppl really want me to...

[tscmu]

- double unrequited

- the second years argued. a lot. youd think the lot of them were conjoined at birth. so it wasnt surprising when a girl came into the mix, and tore their hearts into pieces, huh?

w/c- 1717 pairing/s- atsumu x fem!reader, suna x fem!reader and a lil bit of osamu x fem!reader ;) genre- idk lmao but theres a lil angst ig warnings- secondhand embarassment, TINY mention of pornography, heartbreak a/n- THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE EHEHEH anyway my writers block’s kinda over????anyway read 2 da end for a surprise twist ;))) 

as the sun started to set over the small area of the hyogo prefecture, all was calm. birds chirped every now and then, flying through the cold skies, enjoying the october buzz in the air. trees’ leaves were littered over the pavement and roads, crunching whenever they were squashed by an oncoming boot. however, if you were to wander through the inarizaki high school grounds on that day, you would hear a buzz of arguing from a specific gym.

“for fucks sake! samu, help yer dear brother out here.. it's pronounced gif, not whatever this ‘jif’ crap is!” the blonde haired, tall setter of the volleyball team leaned backwards on the bench, staring at someone behind him. the latter was the similar looking, gray haired opposite hitter, who just rolled his eyes at the comment.

“first off, yer no calling me yet ‘dear brother’ again. you’re getting zip from me.” he said, taking a glug out of his bottle as the blondie yelped in shock. the slightly taller, brown haired middle blocker giggled to himself. “plus, its technically jif anyway, everyone just says gif because its what society projected onto us.”

“oh, shut up with all that logical bullshit.” the blondie rolled his eyes, standing up and slamming his bottle down onto the space that was left. “oi, kita, ‘s break over?”

“i mean, technically ‘s over whenever ya want it to be. just go spike some balls or something if you’re bored.. oh, hi!” the shorter, white-and-black haired captain slowed down talking, turning to look at the door. all the boys turned around shortly after him, staring at whoever was there.

as you stood against the door, your hair blowing slightly with the wind behind you, your face slightly sweaty having run all around the school, most of them were mesmerised. your face flushed a deeper shade of red after seeing all their eyes glued to you, and you laughed a little.

“oh, sorry, i’m trying to find the girls basketball gym!” you smiled, tilting your head a little. “is this volleyball? sorry, i’m new, i just got told to go to the basketball gym after school for the first practice, but i have no idea where i'm meant to be going!” you giggled slightly, making atsumu and suna go pink. “sorry for disturbing you!” you waved slightly, hopping back down the stairs up to the doors. however, you stopped after hearing footsteps and voices behind you.

“it’s oka-” kita started to say, before sighing, seeing what was happening before him.

“i’ll help you!” atsumu shouted after you, grabbing his jersey in case you were cold.

“i can show you!” suna also shouted, pushing atsumu out the way and grabbing his bottle.

“simps..” osamu and aran both said, shaking their heads as the two boys continued to shove each other.

“no, i will.” the former's voice turned serious, slowing down as they reached the top of the steps. suna frowned, and opened his mouth to say something else, but they both got distracted as they heard your mesmerising laugh again.

“you can both come, if you want, i really don’t mind!” you smiled, doing that little head tilt again. they both nodded instantly, before frowning at each other as soon as your back was slightly turned. “okay, so i’ve walked in on about ten other clubs..”

ever since that moment, it was just a competition of who could win you over. the rest of the boys had moved on, teasing them both for their pure urge to beat each other. all of the boys argued, but nothing was ever as heated as atsumu and suna’s debates. there was a new one every time they went to practice, from something as big as the death penalty to something as tiny as how much diluting juice you put in the glass before you add the water. it was stupid, but they‘d been like that for years now.

but with this argument, it appeared neither of them were actually ahead of the other, like it usually ended up.

suna went for a more romantic approach with you. offering to walk you home, waiting for you after classes, walks through random forest paths on sundays. it wasn’t what he was used to, he’d never paid that much attention to girls. they all seemed to fawn over the miya twins anyway. but it was when you seemed to pay genuine attention to him, it caught his interest. 

obviously he found girls attractive, but the girls he saw online were never the same as girls in real life. not even just porn or anything, even in romance films, they were all so secretive. he didn’t really have the charm either, so he found himself just waiting for a girl to make a move, and if she didn’t, he’d just.. give up. you were unique to him, though. it got to the point where you’d wait for him after class too, wait at the front doors for him to come out so you could walk home, texting him at 9 in the morning asking if he wanted to go on that one walk again you did about a month ago. it took him by shock a little, but he didn’t want it to stop.

whereas atsumu, on the other hand..

to be frank, girls weren’t a big deal to atsumu. he’d always had that blessing of girls fawning over him, so he’d never had to worry about ‘winning over’ a girl. but it hit him when he met you.. he was gonna have to fight for you, wasn’t he?

he visioned you as a more.. modern girl. he assumed suna would go more traditional, the man had no experience with girls, for god's sake. he basically assumed he would win you over.. who wouldn’t pick him over anyone? and so he started. he did with you what he did with every girl, midnight drinking on a random roof, random shopping trips into town, secret lunchtime conversations behind the school. he didn’t think much of it at first, why would he? you were just another girl he’d probably date for what, a week or so, then you’d dump him after actually realising what he’s like. he couldn’t picture himself settling down. but.. you changed him, in a way. he finally found something he wanted to work for.

what was the one thing in common with these stories though?

you never actually showed any form of romantic interest in either of them, throughout this whole ordeal.

so then, after what felt like years, two days before atsumu left for the training camp, they decided it was the day. the day to confess.

neither of them actually knew about the other's plans, it was just pure coincidence they saw this as the opportunity. atsumu because he could try to sweep you away with him to tokyo, suna because he could tease atsumu about it while he was gone. it was a good plan, on both sides., you had to admit, after hearing it a while later. 

“the fuck’re you murmuring for?” atsumu frowned, turning around to look at suna, whose head was in his hands.

“mind your business..” the latter muttered, murmuring under his breath again, making atsumu shake his head. he wasn’t scared, why would he be? you were bound to say yes, for the past few months you’d been spending time with him. you knew what he was like, as he did with you.

“eh, suit yourself. i need to find y/n..” he said, picking up his jacket.

“what? y/n? but i need to find her!” suna snapped back into reality, his eyes wide as atsumu glanced at him

“..yeah. well, you can speak to her tomorrow or something, this is important.” he said in a careless manner, starting to walk towards the door, but stopping short, seeing the door slide open.

“oh! hey, tsumu!” you appeared from outside, your faux fur hood tickling your neck as your beaming face came into the light from the slight darkness behind you. it couldn’t help but make him smile.. god, he couldn’t wait to call you his. suna, from behind him, felt himself smile too, you were stunning. “you ready?” you looked behind atsumu, but as he whipped his head around, he realised you weren’t actually looking at suna either.

“yeah, your place tonight?” oh. oh no. as atsumu realised what was happening, his mouth dropped open. osamu stood up from the bench, his jacket slung over his shoulder as he crossed past both suna and atsumu, kissing you on the forehead.

“you bet! god, my mum’s been so excited to meet you.. bye boys!” you waved at both suna and atsumu separately, going back to chattering to osamu.

“what.. the fuck?” suna said, frowning. atsumu joined him, still in a state of shock.

“yeah, what the fuck?” he turned around, mouth still open.

“oh, you didn’t know? they’re dating, have been for what, a month or something now?” kita smiled, while aran tried not to burst out laughing to his right. “during the christmas holidays, they hung out a bit. i think y/n came looking for atsumu, but he wasn’t in, so she decided to chat to osamu instead. did you seriously not know?” kita laughed a little, and atsumu’s shock turned to anger. ths, of course, made suna burst out laughing.

“what the fuck? no, what the actual fuck? how did i not know the girl i was in love with was dating my brother?” he looked around a little, looking for assistance, but all the boys were snickering at him.

“now i think of it, that was extremely obvious.” suna said, laughing more by the second. he was sad, of course he was! the girl he was falling drastically in love with had a boyfriend, and he had no idea, that would break anyone's heart. but.. this was extremely funny.

“fine, lets just go then.” atsumu humphed, dragging his feet as he walked to the door. “to be fair, she was looking for me. probably liked me more.” he said as they reached just outside the door, and suna shoved him into the wall. “oUCH! THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?” he yelled, making kita chuckle to himself.

these idiots.

[ramblingaboutthings]

Hard | Draco Malfoy

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

Word count: 3.5 kkkkkk LIKE WHAT?

Summary: here

A/n: this contains swear words, blood and a lot of mistakes, but I got so excited and got too carried away. I warn you, I changed A LOT of things and I'm kind of not sorry for that.

Also TUMBLR HERE decided to delete my draft and I had to correct it again so sorry if it sucks, it's 00:40 here and I'm going crazy.

It'd been a stressful day, you went to Hogsmeade and someone put some strange spell on a poor girl. No one really knew who did it. But everyone was getting strange vibes from it.

So he created some kind of project, once a month a student from each house was selected to move temporarily into another house, to avoid internal conflicts.

That night, was a special one for Hogwarts.

Dumbledore wanted the school to be united, every house had to say goodbye to rivalries.

And that day was one of those times, Dumbledore was going to announce who the lucky students were.

You at dinner, in the great hall, with your Hufflepuff friends.

"Hey Black, are you okay?" One of them asked, noticing you spacing out and only earning a death glare, as a response from you.

Those days, you'd been in a bad mood and the fact that your dad's died not so long before didn't help at all, he was everything she had.

And now he was gone, leaving his only child alone.

Sirius Black didn't even know he had a daughter until his high school girlfriend showed up at the Potter's door one night with a little girl in her arms, the love of Sirius' life, before disappearing.

He later discovered he wasn't your real father but he still loved you like he was. Then we all know what happened next.

He'd raised you until he was accused of homicide and taken to Azkaban.

You only got to see him for two years, after he escaped the prison.

And after they finally got to be in each other's lives again, Harry came up to her, one night, and told you he was dead. You were angry, sad, frustrated... not even a last goodbye, he was just gone. After that you simply locked yourself up in your room and got out only to go to class.

Until that day.

You hoped you could finally spend your next month away from the Hufflepuffs, they knew too much about you and you needed a fresh start.

They were good friends of course, but you wanted to be free for that whole month.

You glanced over the Gryffindor table to find Harry mirroring your sad look, but Dumbledore coughed to get your attention making you turn around quickly.

"Today, my dear students, if you're lucky enough, you'll be experiencing a new thing, you'll get to know other mentalities, other personalities so please listen here. For the slytherin house, Pansy Parkinson will go to the Gryffindors" a loud mix of groans erupted from the gold and red table, interrupted his speech. But he just ignored it.

"Hermione Granger, we all are aware of your intelligence, so you're staying with the Ravenclaws.

Miss Lovegood, you're staying with the Hufflepuffs" your table cheered, you all loved her.

Your smile faded when you realized, one of the Hufflepuffs was going to be a Slytherin for four whole weeks. And for some reason you knew for sure you were going to be that one.

"Miss Black, all your family comes from Slytherin witches and wizards so I thought you could try and understand what being one of them is really like" you groaned as your suspicion got real, and lowered your head while a dozen of people from the Slytherin table were clapping.

You gazed around your table only to find shocked faces, someone even glared at you.

'Fuck this' you thought before walking toward the Slytherins.

One of them, Deneb was her name, -you recognized her from divination class- called you from the table, and you were more than happy she did, because you two got along just great, and it would've been awkward sitting beside someone you didn't know.

"So, you're the new Slytherin uh? I'm glad it's you Y/n, come on sit down." She invited you.

You glanced around to study everyone's faces but they were like stone, no emotions.

You sat between Den and the most handsome boy you'd ever seen, Draco Malfoy, he'd grown up so much since you'd last seen him. But his signature smirk wasn't plastered on his face as usual, in it's place there was a thin line, his lips sealed in a neutral expression.

"Hey Malfoy" you greeted kindly.

"Shut up half-" he said harshly,interrupting himself trying to insult you.

"He's not been himself lately, usually he's not that bad, you all always judge him, but he's sweet with the people he fancies" Den explained, and you did believe her, because you saw the good in every person and he flooded with kindness. You noticed how his eyes sparkled before a quidditch match, his soft sneaky smiles that grew onto his face whenever he got a spell right. You knew he was a soft boy, he just liked to think that it made him weak so he covered it all up.

As you met his gaze you noticed his bright grey eyes were dark and full of sadness that made you smile softly. Just the fact that he was trying to insult you made you feel sick.

"I'm not sweet" he stated, probably less convincingly than he thought.

"It's okay Draco, I don't want to argue" you clarified. His expression changed for a quick second, before going back to his stone-face self.

He liked that you called him Draco, it made him feel like you liked him for who he was, not Malfoy, not the Slytherin prince, just Draco.

And that was exactly your intention, to make him feel like someone actually cared.

After that little conversation, everyone in the big hall started to leave to go to their dorms.

Some of your house walked right in front of you giving you sad smiles, Harry, Ron and Hermione even gave Draco death stares.

You knew he had been an ass in the past years, you knew he wasn't the nicest when it came to words, but he wasn't what the others said he was.

Or maybe it was your big crush on him speaking for you. Yeah, probably.

"I'm going to sleep. Malfoy? Show her where's our room" she said.

Draco gave her a hint of a smile that almost made you feel uncomfortable.

'No Y/n you're not jealous, stop' you thought.

"Draco, uhm- so you and Den-?" Draco let out a semi-genuine laugh, before you even completed your sentence.

"She's not my girlfriend Y/n, I don't like her, she's like my cousin, she is my father's cousin's daughter, you're probably kind of her relative too" he explained, and you suddenly felt stupid.

"I'm not your cousin Draco, I'm not a real Black, dad- Sirius just gave me his last name" his lips parted slightly at your confession.

"You're not a Black? Y- he adopted you? Like- oh sorry I don't want to make you uncomfortable" he said quickly. A chuckle escaped your lips.

"It's fine, my mom abandoned me, I only know Voldemort killed her and she was a half-blood and so was my real father, who died as well. Professor Lupin was the one who raised me for twelve years, but I've only ever cared about Sirius, he was the best thing in my life even if for a short time. " you confessed, he smiled sadly, his gaze burning on your face.

You didn't know why you trusted him, but for some reason, you did.

"You know, my father uhm- made me do horrible things, but he's family, I don't want to disappoint him" he confessed reluctantly.

Later he'd invited you to his room, he seemed to have loosened up a little bit, while you entered his dorm.

A green and silver scarf was hung on the wall with his last name on it. His bed was perfectly made, no wrinkles, just a smooth green blanket.

To say you were impressed was an understatement.

You smiled at him "so that's why you hide your good part uh?" he nodded.

He just suddenly wrapped his arms around you tightly. You made him feel alive again. He missed the feeling, it was like a deja vu from last year, when you found him crying in a hidden corner when without saying anything, you hugged him, lettinghis speak.

"You're not that bad for an Hufflepuff you know?" He smirked. His first signature smirk of the year, just for you!

"And you're not that bad for a Slytherin either" you laughed.

"I missed physical contact, I-I uhm- it's not very common in the Malfoy manor, to get all cuddly I mean" his chest vibrated with his embarassed laugh that filled your ears as you memorized that beautiful and harmonic sound.

"You're so warm" you said, obviously blushing. Thank you dark night!

"And you're a freezing Hufflepuff" he pulled away much to your dismay and took something out of his wardrobe.

He handed you a green hoodie with a basilisk on the front and the name "Malfoy" on the back.

"I can't accept-"

"It's yours Y/n. Now if you excuse me I have to go somewhere, I'll show you where you're going to sleep" he grabbed your hand, not even realizing it, and took you with him to another corridor, a wooden door with a sign was suddenly in front of us, 'Pansy and Deneb' it read.

You were too zoned out to really comprehend what was going on, but suddenly your hand felt cold, extremely cold. You looked at it, disappointment clearly written all over your face.

"I'm sorry... for you know, taking your hand and everything" he said before walking away, without even waiting for an answer.

You opened the door in front of you and found Den sitting on what you assumed was her bed.

When she spotted you, she smiled.

"Did you do it?" Your cheeks flushed at your not so holy thoughts. You shook your head 'no daydreaming about these things you fucker'

"W-what are y-you talking about?" You asked her with wide eyes.

"Did you kiss Draco?" She asked.

"He's like my cousin Deneb!" You whispered.

"He's not and you know that, so please tell me. Do you like him? " she giggled. You gasped quietly, surprised she knew you weren't a Black.

"I-I want to sleep, uh good night"

"Y/n likes Draco. Y/n likes Draco. Y/n likes Draco!" she chanted.

You ignored her and sneaked into your new very comfortable bed.

Was it that obvious? That you liked Draco.

"All you do is stare at him Y/n " she said like she had read your thoughts or something.

"He's not what he wants the others to believe he is" you explained

"plus he's cute" Deneb completed making you both laugh.

----------------• ☆☆☆☆ •---------------

That morning the atmosphere was extremely strange and tensed, there weren't many students in the Great Hall.

As you approached Harry in your new Slytherin hoodie, Draco's last name properly covered with a scarf. He kind of looked at you in disgust, like he despised you. But you knew he only hated Slytherins in general.

"You look great in green!" Hermione exclaimed happily.

"And you look hella good in blue 'Mione!" You winked.

"Katy said she can't remember anything from Yesterday, but I know it was Draco, I saw him" Harry assumed, your blood began to boil on anger.

"He's not a bad person" you said as calmly as you could.

"Oh you're so blind Y/n" and you were going to spat at him but Draco made his way into the big room, his eyes full of fear and, regret? Was Harry right?

You didn't even have time to answer that question because Draco ran away toward the bathroom.

Harry followed him, and you resisted your instincts for once, all you wanted was rushing after him, she wanted to know who Draco was, who he really was.

You all sat at the same table, including Deneb. It was a nice morning except for the fact that you didn't know where either Harry or Draco went.

"How's being a Slytherin?" Hermione asked snapping you out of your trance.

"It's quite nice, they're not as bad as you think ... and you're just wrong about Draco, he's actually really calm and sweet when he wants to" you explained, a light blush crept onto your face as you did.

"Are you kidding? Malfoy? Sweet? You're crazy" Hermione hissed.

You huffed looking at Deneb for a moment.

"Draco isn't the one you think he is, I'm his cousin, I know what I'm talking about. But his father... he's ruining him, his mother is trying her best but Lucius is just an evil coward" Deneb said, way too calmly.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other before smiling.

"Deneb, is this girl right there intrested in your cousin?" Ron asked, smirking and pointing to you.

"No, she just has a really kind heart" she answered sending you a wink.

You even stopped listening to the conversation. All you could think about was Draco. Where the fuck was he? You swore, if Harry'd done something to him you were gonna kill him slowly,You kind of thought, at that point, that he was just a selfish boy trying to get some attention.

You spaced out for a little while.

Draco's grey eyes popped onto your mind, his smile, his face... but every good thing stopped appearing as soon as you got anxious, you were going crazy right? Harry couldn't hurt him. Could he?

You stormed out of the great hall without even saying anything, you just ran up the stairs, your breath was heavy and it was like your legs got heavier and heavier with every step. But the worst happened when you opened the door of the bathroom.

Draco was laying on the wet floor, he was wincing in pain, his platinum hair sticking on his forehead, his beautiful eyes were closed and some tears were stained on his cheeks.

But even worse was the fact he was covered in blood, his white shirt was now all red and you felt extremely useless.

"Draco, Draco it's me, Y/n" you said before kneeling down beside him.

"Y-Y/n-" then he yelled, that loud your head started to pound slowly.

"Draco, please I'm here, Snape is coming upstairs, I saw him, stay awake" you pleaded as you started to cry, hot tears streaming down your cheeks and landing on your parted lips as you sobbed loudly.

"Y/n? Why a-are you here?" He winced

"You're my friend Draco!" You exclaimed brushing his hair away from his forehead.

"You s-shouldn't b-be- Y/n I-"

"Draco you're not a bad person! Stay with me, please." you implored sobbing loudly and crying, but you didn't care, you only wanted him to live.

"You what Draco? Stay awake please" you sobbed loudly when you noticed the death eaters symbol, that was what he was trying to say, but you didn't give a fuck. You didn't want to lose him, death eater or not, you were falling in love with him.

"I h-hurt people" he whispered weakly

"I-" he opened his eyes for a quick second looking at me but right then they closed again and you realized he'd blacked out, his heart rate fell and he wasn't breathing. That's when realization hit you. He was dead.

Everything that happened soon after went in slow motion, Snape coming in and picking him up from the floor, some people coming in and out of the room, water still flooding the floor. But you were completely still. watching the blood on your hands.

You let out a frustrated scream, when the room was completely empty.

You sat there, sobbing like a little child.

It wasn't like he was the best of your friends, but he somehow understood you, even though you had talked to each others just four or five times in six years of school he listened to you and didn't judge you a single time and you let him die under your watch.

Couldn't you have just gone downstairs and call a professor? You were sad and mostly angry at yourself and at who did that.

"Y/n? What are you doing here?" Hermione asked appearing behind you.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" you yelled, not stopping the tears that now completely made your face wet.

"Y/n what happened?"

"He-he killed him, he's dead. Draco is fucking DEAD!" you shouted angrily, your voice rough.

"Who killed him Y/n?"

"Your fucking best friend Hermione" you hissed sniffling.

"I hate him! " you screamed on top of your lungs.

Hermione hugged you tightly after sitting down beside you.

"You love Malfoy. don't you?"

"H-he's d-ead" your voice trembled as Hermione soothed you tracing circles onto your back.

"I'm sorry Y/n"

"He wasn't that bad you know" you took a long shaky breath but broke down crying again immediately.

"I trust you"

"He didn't want to harm anyone" you groaned in frustration.

She helped you up and put one of your arms around her neck.

Your legs felt numb and as you made your way to your dorm, you felt weaker and weaker.

As you opened the door you launched yourself on the bed, face buried in your pillow.

"What-" Deneb asked.

"Draco- " Hermione stopped to take a long breath. "He died" she explained. You on the other hand just continued to cry uncontrollably.

"Hey Y/n it's oka-"

"Don't you fucking dare say it's okay!" You screamed.

"Y/n listen to me okay? He was a really good person, he'd always been awfully nice to you but now he can rest in peace, without all the terrible things they constantly do to him. He deserves this" you knew she was right but you still refused to stop sobbing.

At some point you did stop, and the other two girls smiled softly when they heard your shaky breath become heavy as you drifted off to sleep.

----------------• ☆☆☆☆ •---------------

The following days had been hell for Y/n, all she did was cry and cry.

Dumbledore often went to console her, and she knew something was up, they didn't even have a funeral for Draco.

Y/n's life had gotten miserable.

You locked yourself up again, professor Mcgonagall said you were in shock because you saw someone die under your eyes, so she even let you skip classes. And you were glad she did.

But that day you had been dragged out of your room by Deneb. Against your will.

"Y/n come to class, at least today, if you don't feel good then you'll be a free elf" you groaned in frustration.

"Why do I have to?"

"Because you need to get some fresh air, so now come with me, we have transfiguration"

When you got to class everyone got silent.

You sat on your new desk as a Slytherin and tried to concentrate but as the professor started the lesson, you grabbed your pen and started sketching on your notebook.

"There are rumors flying around the school. Someone said you and Draco were friends with benefits, some said you were dating but he was using you." None of these were true and Deneb knew that, but she still decided to tell you, after she saw your, almost, scared face.

And even though it wasn't consciously, you soon realized you you were drawing Draco.

At the end of the last clas, in the afternoon, your notebook was filled with drawings of him, really detailed ones, that much that your tears threatened to come out. Again.

You silently made your way to Draco's dorm.

You laid on his bed inhaling his scent, and memorizing it. You'd never see his face again.

You opened your notebook and traced the shape of his head with your finger.

You took out a pen from your pencil case and wrote on the drawing: " hope you're doing good up there ♡" as if he could see it, and after ripping the page you put it on his pillow.

When that night Deneb asked if you wanted to sleep there, you obviously said yes.

That lasted for a few days until, three days later you woke up and didn't find the piece of paper with his face in it.

When you fell asleep on that bed everything bad that happened to you disappeared.

And when you woke up you were actually feeling better.

You panicked, it was your favourite drawing. So you frantically searched under the pillows, under the blanket. But nothing was there.

"I look good in this Y/n/n" you heard a voice and you gasped, at the sound of Draco's familiar voice.

"Wha-"

"Hello, Y/n" Draco suddenly appeared from the shadows. He noticed your puffy eyes and bags under your eyes.

"What are you?! A ghost or something?" You asked widening your eyes.

"I'm Draco, with bones and all" he laughed, even if his eyes were full of fear.

"Is it really you? But you died!" You shot up.

"It's me Y/n/n, Snape knew the spell and healed me, but not entirely so they kept me hidden until they were sure I'd survive." He explained.

"A bird told me you missed me" he continued walking extremely close to you.

"I- I surely did, you were- are my friend" you blushed heavily.

" I'm sorry for everything I did, I hate myself for everything, and something happened.. I - refused to kill Dumbledore but-" he interrupted himself starting to sob.

Your confused expression almost scared him.

"Snape killed him, it's my fault I-" you didn't let him finish ignoring the sadness and smashed your lips onto his.

You fell on the bed, but he continued to kiss you almost roughly.

As you pulled away he smiled.

"I like you Y/n, but I'm not a goo-"

His eyes filled with happiness for the first time in years as you smiled.

"Stop! You are the fucking best person I've ever met!" You exclaimed punching his chest.

"Don't you feel ashamed of a death eater?" He asked, remembering when he'd showed you his tattoo.

"No, as long as you're safe"

"Do you mind if I kiss you again?" In response you kissed him, again, softly this time.

As your lips moved together until you saw the door fly open.

"Are you done sucking faces? Lunch is ready" Deneb teased before walking away again.

"I like you so much Y/n. Would you uhm- goonadatewithme?" He asked, his voice trembling a little.

"Of course Drakey"

"Don't call me that"

"Shut up. I love you dork"

[purplellamanator]

Please do anything for 6, 22 or 49. 😁

Yay!! Thanks for sending me a request! Its been to long since Ive wrote anything. 😭 Since this is from you, I'm assuming you wanted ShinRan ;) Sorry if there is any mistakes, I did this before I had to go to work. Also, sorry this took me forever 🤦‍♀️The ask box is still open for this so if anybody wants to send a request from that drabble post, feel free to send me one :D

06. I want to let someone who keeps asking me out down easy, so I blurt that I'm in a relationship and things sort of got out of hand

oOo

He had to admit- he was disappointed. When the rumors started circlating around.

Mouri Ran had a boyfriend.

The news had taken over their school by storm. After all, even though she herself didn't realize it, she was the talk of many high school boys' conversations. Namely, Hondou Eisuke's conversations.

It was no secret that the high schooler was infatuated with Ran. It was almost embarassing how obvious the former made his feelings and intentions known. And every single time, Shinichi had to wonder and glare at why Ran just wouldn't tell him no. To tell him to back off. It was obvious to him and everybody else around that she wasn't interested. And it was also obvious to him and everybody else that if she didn't just admit that, Hondou Eisuke would forever pine over her.

She was too nice. Unlike the company that she kept, she was too concious of other people's feelings. Numerous times he had overheard Suzuki scold her friend for not being honest and upfront.

"Tell him their's somebody else," Suzuki rolled her eyes as she was turned in her chair and facing Ran.

Ran bit her lip as she looked at her hands in her lap. "But that would be lying," she said meekly.

"Doesn't have to be if you'd just confess," Sonoko retorted easily.

All at once, Ran's face erupted crimson and Shinichi felt his ear perk up at the turn their conversation took. He wasn't big on girls gossiping. It usually gave him a headache considering it usually was from his fangirls but . . . confessing? Ran wanted to confess to someone?

"S-Sonoko!" the girl with the steaming red face sputtered. When her eyes began darting around the room as if to make sure no one heard, he quickly diverted his gaze to the book in his hand.

"Oh please," Sonoko huffed. "You're acting as if you would be turned down. That nerd trips over himself from you just looking at him." Her response then spurred on an argument that would clearly give him a headache if he tried to decipher it. Already, he was stuck on the one relevation.

Ran wanted to confess to someone?

Unconicously, his heartbeat steadily increased as did his curiosity.

Ran wanted to confess to someone and according to Suzuki, the feeling was mutual.

Shinichi was let down. He was admittedly, disappointed. Shinichi had wanted to confess to her but after realizing how many Red Days had passed them by, it hardened the point that the two had only ever really had one interaction where they hadn't been forced to speak to each other. Besides the occasional group project, Ran and him hadn't had a real conversation since he headbutted that bully for crumpling her nametag in cherry blossom class.

When they were four.

It was quite sad honestly when it had been love at first sight for him and it clearly hadn't been for her. In fact, he had always thought Ran hated him since in the midst of that first meeting he had also called her a crybaby.

Smooth, he thought broodingly at the reminder.

"Sonoko," Ran chastised softly. "Someone might hear you. . ."

"Good," the Suzuki heiress snorted. "Hopefully Eisuke-kun and-"

With a small scream, the other girl jumped up from her chair and slammed both hands over her friend's mouth, smothering whatever it was she had been about to say. All the comotion had the room silencing and a few other students turned to face the pair. Noticing all the attention she had attracted, her face went an even more vibrant shade and she slammed back into her chair, eyes zeroed in on the wood of her desk and not daring to look anywhere else.

Sonoko had smirked at first at the embarrassment she caused her friend but once everybody moved on and was no longer looking at them questioningly, she sighed. "Look- all I'm saying is that it's time to be honest. And sometimes that means having to hurt someone." Her voice was significantly more gentle than her earlier teases. "But the longer you wait, the harder he'll take it when you finally do confess to the one you want."

That being said, the teacher chose that moment to enter the room and address the students. As he continued to watch Ran, he took notice of how she was still staring hard at her desk and also of the small frown that was tilting her lips slightly down.

Suddenly her gaze moved to his and too caught off guard at the fact he'd just gotten caught, all he did was stare back with wide eyes. She looked slightly surprised that he was already looking at her and though her cheeks slowly began to darken again, she didn't look away.

oOo

And thus the news spread like wildfire. It was all anyone was really talking about. Even students from other grades who likely didn't even really know her were talking about it.

Shinichi didn't care about any of that. All he could think or wonder about was when in the time span of 24 hours had Ran got a boyfriend? Did she really already confess in such a small amount of time just from being hounded by Suzuki. He couldn't believe it but it had to be true especially after he saw how Hondou looked that day.

He looked . . . distraut- disappointed. Much how Shinichi was feeling but luckily he was much better at hiding his emotions.

Any hope that he had of being the one Ran wanted to confess to was squashed. He felt stupid for even considering it. Sure he had a fan club. He probably got more chocolates on Valentine's than any other student in their school. But he never got a single one from her. Ever.

Then as time passed and a week went by, slowly things began to calm down and everybody moved on. That is. . . until a new craze took over the school.

Who was Ran's boyfriend?

Shinichi would admit, he was curious as to who it was as well. He had probably been the first to notice that no one had actually seen her with said 'boyfriend'. Cause he had been bursting at the seams to figure out just who the hell had her blushing so madly when talking with Suzuki the other day.

It had been a week since she apparently began dating someone yet no one had seen or even heard the name of who this mystery guy was. She still walked around school with the same group of girls. She arrived and left school with the same people and at the same times.

In fact, the only thing that changed was . . . Hondou bothering her . . . But suddenly that even stopped. It seemed his curiosity had yet to ebb and he outright heard the high schooler question who this mystery bachelor was.

It had sent Ran into a blushing and stuttering panic until Sonoko stepped in and voiced what was the truth.

It wasn't his buisiness. It wasn't anybody's buisiness. No matter how much Shinichi felt like he deserved to know, Suzuki's snappy retort made him realize that it wasn't his buisiness either.

Not until. . .

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

Shinichi's eyes bulged practically out of his head as his face erupted red and he thought he might combust. When Ran asked to speak with him after school, this wasn't what he had been expecting.

Taking notice of his gaping mouth and the fact that she just shocked him into a frozen statue, Ran's already scorching face went brighter.

"I- I thought you were already dating somebody," Shinichi found the breath to say and practically had to force the words out.

Now a new emotion seemed to take over the high school girl and it made him frown.

It was shame.

Slowly, she began to shake her head without meeting his gaze anymore. If anything it was staring blankly at his chest that was just at her eye level. "I . . . actually don't have a boyfriend. . . “ she trailed off slowly and he could see how embarrassed and ashamed she was by the confession.

And that's when it all clicked for him. Why no one had seen or even knew the name of this supposed boyfriend. Why Ran looked so upset and just humiiated anytime someone questioned her about it.

"Your talk with Suzuki," he said slowly but with revelation but all it did was make Ran look even more mortified.

"You were listening!?” Her voice raised in horror and probably at the reminder of everything they had said and admitted in that conversation.

Thinking it best not to lie, Shinichi simply nodded his head.

All of a sudden she looked like she wanted to cry. “How much did you hear!?" she asked in a panic.

Maybe it wasn't the best thing to think about all that he had heard in that particular conversation. Granted they had been talking in a public setting but it was rude how much he went out of his way just to hear them. But it also reminded him of things that he didn't much like thinking about.

With a small scowl and a half-lidded glare, he shoved his hands firmly in the pockets of his school uniform pants. "Enough to wonder why you're not asking the boy you actually like to be your fake boyfriend," he grumbled while looking away to glare at anything he could lay his eyes on. He just didn't want to look at her because he knew what his words would mean. They were so obvious. They were laced with jealously and just so much bitterness that he knew it wouldn't be a secret anymore.

He liked Mouri Ran. And he didn't want to see that rejection he had felt when he first realized Ran didn't like him. It just hurt. He didn't want to be her fake anything. And it was so insulting that she'd even think to-

"I am."

Her voice sounded so tiny and meek but it resounded loudly in his chest. Suddenly he could hear the loud pounding of his heart and the blood rushing in his ears as he had no choice but to snap his gaze back to hers.

He felt winded.

He felt like the world was spinning.

He felt. . . confused.

"W-What?" he said so eloquently.

"I- I meant to say something sooner. Before those rumors started spreading," she said with a mixture of embarrassment and annoyance. "But one day Eisuke-kun just ambushed me and I just-!" With a noise of frustration she covered her face before running the hand through her long brown hair successfully making it tangled. Sighing, she shook her head again. "I know it was wrong to do- to lie to him like that but Sonoko got that idea in my head and I just blurted it out!"

After her confession, it was dead silent between the two. He couldn't help but stare at her as if she'd grown two heads. And she seemed content to let him just comprehend all of what she just said. That or she was simply feeling too humiliated to say anything more.

And then finally. . . .

"You were going to confess to me?"

His words startled her and obviously caught her off guard. It had her blinking, surprised by what he just said. Was that all he had heard?

Probably.

"You mean . . you're not upset I lied . . . ?"

Upset?! He had never had such a hard time reading a person before. He'd like to think he was good at it, being the amazing detective that he was. But no one had ever confused him or been more difficult to understand than Ran. And he knew that was likely because he couldn't ever think straight when she was involved.

Ignoring her ridiculous question all together, he got a small smirk on his face and a new idea.

“So then, is this you asking me to be your fake or real boyfriend?”

[peevishmandible]

It’s my Dad’s birthday today. I don’t even know how old he is. 63 I think. He’s a few months younger than my mum.  I haven’t spoken to him since February 2016. That seems like not as long as it’s been - time doesn’t fly for some things I guess. I have a big run down of the last time he was here to visit. He acted a fool, kept me tense as shit, tried to let himself into my locked room several times without knocking and with very clear NON PERMISSION to enter, was exceedingly rude to me several times, hostile to me right in front of my husband, and fucked with my daughter’s head to the point that he made her cry and withdraw into herself. He swore at me before leaving and then pretended like nothing happened. He has since complained about me to my grandmother - and to his extended family I am certain because I’ve literally heard him doing that and LYING about me to them right in front of me when we weren’t even in this fucking break up and he had no reason to say the outlandish things he was saying.  I want to write down every thing he’s done that I can remember. I really do, I want to do that here. I’m angry that that is seen as unfair and mean of me. I”m not the one who did those things, why the fuck is telling the truth so GODDAMN mean. Why is not keeping silent and hiding his shit for him my problem.  A few years ago it was his birthday, and it was a Saturday. My mother texted me early in the morning to ask/tell me to call him. I mean some asks aren’t asks, you know? And I was foolish and guilty and I let the kids call him and wish him a happy birthday over speaker phone (I do let them call my mother and those calls are ALWAYS initiated by me because I feel like a total monster if I don’t do that at least once a month or so and the conversations are ALWAYS on speaker phone with my supervision because fuuuuuck that, I don’t want a repeat of him yelling at my daughter and mother for talking to each other again, the jealous, insecure, petty fucker.)  So, I let the kids call him. He talked to them. I was so upset that my mother advocated for him instead of even asking me if it was ok or how it would make me feel - she was only as ever concerned with how HE would feel of course. I thought I was ok when it happened but see - Saturday was therapy day for me. I later had a fucking full blown flash back and panic attack in the office with my therapist. That shit? Isn’t fucking romantic. It’s embarassing. It’s DEGRADING especially with the therapist I was with. And god, when your therapist knows that you’re having this fucking break down and that you’ve got your kids waiting for you (with my husband of course, I never went to therapy completely alone he would drive me down and play w the kids at his office or take them to lunch) there’s always a fear of... are they going to let me walk out of here? Always.  I went home and threw up. I got a migraine. I cried and had to take a bath to steam my fucking head out so I could breathe. I was WRECKED for the whole fucking day.  I got a text from my mother that evening telling me how after our call my father and she went to the casino and had lunch and drinks and gambled, and then took my brother out to lunch, and that as she was writing this she was sitting on the porch with him watching the geese in the pond by their house.  I spent the day shaking and struggling to breathe. I humiliated myself in front of my therapist. I spent the day in pain. While he got to go feel good about himself. I called her the next day and told her. Listen. Don’t you ever ask me to do this again. This is what happened while you were having fun - this is what you left me with. NO MORE.  I don’t know how much she actually understands or cares. Because at a certain point a lack of understanding is a lack of care. But I’m never doing that again. A few weeks ago I got the kids to video call my mum. it had been seevral months since they’d had a chat, Dad was sleeping here, I figured it’s fine. And it was, you know it was alright. They were on their porch and they had their little dog with them and the kids sat in the office and showed off their dogs and it was fine. My dad sat with my mum and smoked... a cigarette? A joint? I don’t know. He laughed, he was kind and happy. He has a huge beard now. He has no teeth, they’ve all been removed. I don’t think he had them in but who knows I didn’t look too closely from my off screen vantage point. He looks old and very very fat, even though he’s always been - it hasn’t gotten better if it hasn’t gotten worse.  It didn’t hurt me or panic me. It was strange to see.  Lately I have been having problems when cooking or cleaning my kitchen. I hear him criticising everything. I imagine what he’d do and say if he were here - amalgamations of scenarios that have actually been and projections. I mean, really, abusive shit is boring and repetitive at it’s core isn’t it? I know it’s unhealthy but it’s also comforting in a way. Like girding my loins. Getting ready. Always ready for a fight, for defense.  It’s exhausting and toxic is what it is. I know I should stop. It’s instruive though.  I mean.  The pain in my knees should stop, too, but it’s not fucking gonna. I can ignore it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.  ANYFUCKIN’WAYS.  Today is his birthday. I’m feeling more secure than I could. I  know my brother’s birthday is coming up on the 30th as well (yep, we’re 22nd (me) 28th, and 30th. ISN”T THAT SPECIAL). I’m glad my brother lived to see his 33rd birthday. Hopefully he’ll live pas Jesus’ age and my father’s mother’s as well. I’ve spent the entire year certain I’d die. That’s been fun. Nights have been fun.  Hhh. I wanted to send my brother a care package but we’ve been so tired, turned around by changes, busy with school and home life, and oh yeah went into fucking overdraft this month so. I didn’t send him anything. Now it’s too late. Maybe I’ll be able to send a card and something cute that is video game themed if I get to make it to the mall or somewhere fucking OTHER than the crappy under fucking stocked Walmart for once - but I’m not holding my breath.  It just all makes me tired and want to go to sleep. Lots of naps. It’s safe to sleep during the day. Not practical. Not conducive to productive adulting. But safe! My birthday wish for my father is this - that he feels our loss. That it hurts. That it feels personal and that for one fucking flash of a goddamned second that he understands and wallows in the knowledge that it’s his goddamned fault. Coz I know damn well that for 99% of his fucking life he’s just glad I’m gone. He has his broken and utterly dependent son and his wife who is completely living to make his life as comfortable for him as possible. I’m not them, I never have been, and he hates me for it.  I hope he hates himself just a tiny bit as much as I hate my own damn self today. Happy Birthday, fuck head. You’re right. I *AM* hateful, spiteful, mean-ful, and I don’t goddamn care if you don’t like how I do my fucking dishes. I’m never cooking for you again so who gives a fuck.   I feel like the whole vilification of witches sitting over their cauldrons wishing for revenge is wrong. Not because witches don’t sit over their cauldrons angry and seeking justice. But because we are allowed to. Who the fuck says there is nobility in forgiveness and meekness. I don’t see it.  Eye of newt, motherfucker. Feel the burn. 

[huangels]

nct china/116 as your bestfriend

request: Could you do what it would be like to be best friends with china line? It doesn’t matter which members, btw you’re gorgeous and your writing is as amazing as you!!

a/n: i’m gonna do a bulletpoint style for all of the members instead of picking one if that’s ok (excluding xiaojun, hendery, and yangyang bc we don’t have much information on them and i don’t really wanna assume their personalities) 

˗ˏˋ KUN ˎˊ˗

kun as your best friend would be such a mom/dad friend 

he’ll always make you authentic chinese food 

and you’ll never get tired of it bc he knows so many different recipes 

one day, he tried to teach you how to make sweet and sour pork 

and you ended up burning the meat 

but ofc, kun comes in to save the day and makes sweet and sour chicken instead 

he likes to bring you to the chinese market when he goes grocery shopping 

bc you always ask him what everything means or what it’s for

also kun is always the target of your teases 

as his best friend, it’s your duty to tease him with love 

and he just lets you bc he likes seeing you happy 

kun also likes to show you his magic tricks 

and laughs at your amazed face bc 

how tf did he make those glasses flip over w/out touching it??

kun enjoys showing you his piano skills too 

he likes to play you old chinese songs 

and sometimes kun would teach you how to play the piano 

you like to call kun ‘mom’ to see his reaction 

in which every time he whines and says to call him dad instead 

overall, kun just loves to teach you different things and make sure you’re well and have eaten (like a mom)

˗ˏˋ WINWIN ˎˊ˗

being best friends with sicheng means you babying him to death 

he’s pouting? 

better ask him what’s wrong

his stomach growls?

better make him some ramen

he wants ice cream?

better run your ass a mile to buy him some ice cream

but whenever sicheng wants something, you make him to aegyo for you 

and then you pinch his cheeks bc 

oOF HE’S SO CUTE 

sicheng is lowkey bipolar with skinship sometimes 

like one day, he’ll want to cuddle with you in bed and take a nap (you’re always the big spoon) 

but another day, he’ll block your cheek kisses and push away your hugs 

but that doesn’t stop you from hugging or kissing 

“just let me love you bitch”

you constantly compliment sicheng about how pretty he is and he always sassily replies ‘i know’

you fight with his other friends a lot (yuta and taeil) over who loves sicheng the most 

most of the time yuta wins but you’ve won a couple rounds too 

overall, sicheng as your best friend will be super cute and clingy but will demand food/ice cream like you’re his slave 

˗ˏˋ LUCAS ˎˊ˗

as your best friend, lucas would be a major flirt 

like he would do some cringey couples thing he’s seen in kdramas 

and you try so hard not to physically cringe

lucas is so fucking loud too

so it’s even more embarrassing 

after he’d say some stupid flirt, he would let out this gorilla laugh 

and you have to slap him about 50 times before he quiets down 

this is why you can never take him anywhere 

lucas would also try to give you guy advice too 

“ok so to get a mans, you have to be more bold and sexy” 

then he pulls this justin beiber face like it’s suppose to win hearts of women or something

the two of you collectively have 3 braincells

they all belong to you

but on the days when lucas isn’t being a crackhead 

he would be nice and cute and take you out for food 

lucas is the type of person who finished his food then points to yours and say 

“you gonna finish that?” 

and even tho you say yes, he still eats off of your plate 

overall, lucas as you bestfriend is a roller coaster of embarassment and loudness 

˗ˏˋ RENJUN ˎˊ˗

as renjun’s best friend, prepare for aggressiveness and roasts 

renjun is small so he uses words as a mechanism for defense 

whenever you would jokingly call him short (even tho he’s probably still taller than you) 

he would just pull you into a chokehold until you have to tap out 

when renjun isn’t pretending to be a WWE wrestler, he would actually be super soft and kind 

like he would give you drawings of you two together or just you alone

you keep all of his drawings in a binder and date them with little comments 

and whenever you need help on a project in school, he’s always the first to provide help

renjun also wrecks you in karaoke 

you get a score of 50 tops while renjun can’t even physically get below an 80

then renjun brags about it while dancing around 

when renjun would do something super cute, you’d poke his little left dimple 

jeno and jaemin are jealous of you bc renjun actually lets you hold his hand and hug him 

you always try your best to make him laugh bc he doesn’t usually laugh out loud 

but when he does, it’s just the cutest thing and you pull him into the tightest hug 

overall, renjun has two moods: john cena or moomin

˗ˏˋ CHENLE ˎˊ˗

with chenle as your best friend, you’ve become deaf

having hearing problems before you reach the age of 40? check

if you make a small simple joke, expect 30 minutes of just high pitched screeching from chenle 

“knock knock”

“who’s there”

“to”

“to who?

“it’s to whom”

*D O L P H I N  S C R E E C H  I N T E N S I F I E S*

chenle is the type of friend who makes you kill the spider/cockroach in the room

like if he sees one, cue the signature screech 

you’re also scared of it but chenle won’t shut up unless it’s dead so you just say fuck it and run in with a broom and windex

as a thank you and i’m sorry, chenle boils an egg for you 

bc that’s all he can make 

chenle always has so much energy 

so the two of you would just go to the park and run in circles for hours 

just cuz 

sometimes chenle spouts out random chinese phrases but doesn’t tell you what they mean 

overall, being chenle’s best friend means wearing earmuffs all the time  

[cocona]

Jimin!

basic bias 101 ! hes rlly not as attractive/cute/funny/affable as you guys make him seem. hes a human being who fucks up majorly sometimes! also he laughs so much. for what. like sometimes theyll b saying sth v serious n he’s already laughing bc of how automatic it has become for him. he’s v patronising w younger fans n especially girls & idk abt u but it doesnt smell too good. 2nd of all he’s got that face. idk if u can tell. one day he’ll pull some disgusting, wicked, unthinkable shit n we’ll all collectively feel sad n sorry for him & for ourselves. he reminds me of me in the sense that hes exhausting n annoying at times ! when i say annoying i mean middle school annoying. he seems like the kind to have pinterest boards abt room decoration & quotes abt religion printed on his walls. n the way hes always boasting abt armies ! i hope he has activities n friends outside of bts or else he will lose his mind at some point! tbh he’s the member w the most disgusting fans n we all deserve a better jimin. at this point he’s someone whos changed a lot from how he originally was but we still know little about him. sometimes he rlly sounds like he has no idea of what his fans have done when he claims to be very close to them. he seems like a snake. also hes v. v basic in terms of likings n opinions.

jimin stans ! jikookers :) gotta love this bunch of unaware n cringey 12 year olds who run armys amino ! god where do i even start. theyre the WORST maknae line stans n i feel sorry for them. like what the fuck. from stalkers, death threats, clearing searches & shitting on other members to outright diagnosing ur idol w all kinds of disorders for the sake of drama; it seems like they have no respect for anyone but jimin. speaking of jimin. he’s their doll. they project all their fantasies of him n i rlly doubt that they even realise it !!!!!!!! he’s their everything n its terrifying to see how far some of them go to defend their idol. also he’s easily the most basic kpop bias there is. ask anyone who’s been online in the past three years n they’ll know who jimin is. his fans r also obsessive as fuck ????????? its not that deep !!!! learn to take a damn joke !!! so what yall r actually going to take ur time n write entire threads on how the man is mistreated n doesnt have enough of anything??? he’s got everything other stans have the right to be sad/mad abt: screentime, lines, a say in what he sings, center positions, pages n interviews. also ur entire jimin is gay debacle is stupid n embarassing. yall should feel sorry for making it seem like he’s a whiny bitch w nothing in his head n whos always either angry or cute. u diminish everything he says n thinks abt bc he’s ur cute baby kitten angel who deserves the world n who can never do any wrong xD!!!! WHAT do u need to understand that hes more than his (not so stellar) looks & his ‘cute’ personality and that hes a responsible adult. n why r yall so pressed abt winning all the time ! ur as jobless as ur idol tbh ! time to stop n go to sleep ! n if i have to see one more caricatural little-space influenced sexual imagine abt the boy i’ll personally delete ur account !

send me an idol & i’ll roast them + their fans

[ryuuppai]

Interview / Element+Word / SNS pick-up / Schedule

[i7] Ryunosuke Photobook: Special Interview

"I got kind of inspired, knowing that you've been doing your best for me."

“I had the chance to have it produced by Gaku, so I can recommend it with confidence.”

Gaku: Ryu, good work. 

Ryunosuke: Good work! Thanks for producing for me! 

Gaku: Yeah. Did you have fun?

Ryunosuke: Of course! I'd been looking forward to today ever since it was decided that you'd be producing for me. You have a good eye, and there aren't many opportunities for our members to produce for each other. 

Gaku: That's true. I'd also been looking forward to produce for you! I did the best that I could not to let your good looks go to waste. 

Ryunosuke: That makes me happy! Did I meet your expections, Producer Gaku?

Gaku: Yeah. I was able to take the best pictures ever. 

Ryunosuke: I'm glad!

Gaku: I mean, the photographic subject was good too! I was able to feel confident in my producing abilities (lol). 

Ryunosuke: I'm glad, but that's kind of embarassing!

Gaku: Hey hey, aren't the people looking at the Ryu Photobook cover the ones who should get embarassed? 

Ryunosuke: I wonder if it'll make their hearts pound? 

Gaku: Of course. I can assure you it will. 

Ryunosuke: Really? I can't wait to see their reactions! Well then, Producer Gaku, I wonder if I could hear about your concept for the cover picture.

Gaku: Sure. Among the twelve of us, you're the tallest and you have the best build, so I thought that anyone would want to make use of that. So, at first I thought of making use of your broad chest or of your muscles, but I couldn't settle on anything...... Thinking about this and that, I called out to you from behind the other day after our lesson, while we were changing, right? At that time, seeing you looking over your shoulder, I thought "This is it."

Ryunosuke: That time, huh! I was startled when you suddenly went "This is it!" but I see that you'd been thinking about it. 

Gaku: It troubled me so much! You have a lot of magazine gravures, so to avoid giving a sense of deja-vu, I couldn't think of anything else than the fact that, maybe, it would be best to come up with a composition that highlights your gentleness or open-mindedness. It was a real pain.  

Ryunosuke: W,was it a pain!?

Gaku: I'm exaggerating a bit (lol). Well anyways, when I saw your back, I felt that it would convey not only your sensuality, but also a variety of your charms. 

Ryunosuke: That makes me happy. I got kind of inspired, knowing that you've been doing your best for me.

Gaku: Of course I would. I can't let your photobook flop because of me, and Tenn also did his best to produce mine, so I can't lose. 

Ryunosuke: Hating to lose is just like you! The cover that Tenn produced for you was really nice.

Gaku: Thanks. That goes for mine too, but it seems that the one that Nanase produced for Tenn, and the ones that went on sale before his were all successful! I don't want to lose on that front either.

Ryunosuke: Thanks to you, I feel like I'll be able to recommend this photobook to our fans with confidence!

Gaku: Oh, then should we reveal the cover during our live? If we project it on the big screen, I feel like people will go crazy (lol).

Ryunosuke: Ahaha! TRIGGER will be complete with mine, so we should project all three of them. Though if I joke about this, I feel like Tenn will get mad at us (lol).

Gaku: Sounds scary, huh. Maybe we should hold back on the jokes (lol).

Ryunosuke: Yeah! ......Either way, I feel like I'll have a great birthday thanks to the fact that the photobook that you've produced for me will go on sale, so I'm excited.

Gaku: Getting to produce it and to have this conversation feels fresh, doesn't it.

Ryunosuke: Yeah. I'd like to be able to have a conversation with Tenn too, next time.

Gaku: Since I got to talk with you and Tenn, I feel like it'd be fun and new to get to talk to members of other groups too.

Ryunosuke: That's true. With the twelve of us, it must be fun no matter who we talk to!

Gaku: I'm sorry, but please be content with just me this time (lol).

Ryunosuke: Don't say that! I'm really happy to be able to do this kind of work with you.

Gaku: Oh, yeah.

Ryunosuke: Sorry, I got too passionate......

Gaku: No. You're really a natural flirt (1), aren't you.

Ryunosuke: Huuh! You told me that before too, didn't you!?

Gaku: Hahah. Did I?

Ryunosuke: It doesn't give off a good image. I have to work on that......

Gaku: Just be yourself.

Ryunosuke: Is that okay......? I wonder if Tenn thinks that way too.

Gaku: Aah, talking about Tenn, he was going through the pictures of you that he had saved on his phone. I think he's selecting the picture to insert in the social media section of the photobook (2)?

Ryunosuke: Really!? Tenn is good at taking pictures, so I'm sure he'll choose a nice one for me!

Gaku: Maybe not having a contribution in the Ryu Photobook is making him feel lonely (lol).

Ryunosuke: If that's so, that's pretty cute! I'll ask him about it later.

Gaku: Hey hey, don't do that. He might pick a weird picture to hide his embarassment! ......Actually, if we keep talking about him like this, I don't know what he'll say to us later...... Let's move on to the next topic.

Ryunosuke: Ahaha! Got it. Well then, could you tell us how you decided on the composition for the Special Gravure? 

Gaku: By showing you cooking for others, I wanted to express your gentleness and broad-mindedness, rather than your sensuality, if we compare to the cover. I wanted to show your good physique here too, so I had you swiftly reach for something placed high up. You really seem like you'd cook for the person that you like, after all!

Ryunosuke: I quite like cooking, so was I able to give off a spontaneous atmosphere? 

Gaku: Yeah. You were perfectly into it. 

Ryunosuke: I'm glad!

Gaku: Next, it's one of the planned questions, but tell us about your type?

Ryunosuke: Let's see...... I guess someone with a nice smile? And if it turns out that we both like each other, I'll support them so that they can keep smiling forever.

Gaku: I thought so last time you said it too, but that's just like you. Everything you do is for the sake of others. 

Ryunosuke: Huh, I've said this before!?

Gaku: You don't remember? You said it really loudly when you were drinking!

Ryunosuke: Huuh!? You're kidding right?

Gaku: It's true. You even went out of your way to stand up before saying it, so the older Izumi and Nikaido burst out laughing. The drunk Osaka said "Tsunashi-san is cool even when he's standing......" under his breath.

Ryunosuke: Not only that, but I did it while we were drinking with the IDOLiSH7 guys!? Aah, that's embarassing......

Gaku: They even brought it up in a conversation. I won't call out anyone's names, but let's be careful about getting black-out drunk......

Ryunosuke: You're right...... Sorry, Gaku......

Gaku: Pull yourself back together, and let's move on to the next question.

Ryunosuke: Right.

Gaku: Can you tell us about something that made you happy, from your activities until now?

Ryunosuke: I can't pick...... Everything about the TRIGGER that I achieved with you and Tenn is a special memory to me. 

Gaku: Yeah. Me too.

Ryunosuke: Also, this is kind of abstract, but I get so happy when I feel that I'm able to contribute to TRIGGER. Those times when people come to be interested in TRIGGER because of me, or when they grow to love it even more, I can feel from the bottom of my heart how glad I am to exist as TRIGGER's Tsunashi Ryunosuke. 

Gaku: Don't say that. You're not just "contributing." If you weren't there, TRIGGER wouldn't exist, you know.

Ryunosuke: Thanks, Gaku.

Gaku: I'm glad I can work with you, Ryu.

Ryunosuke: It's kind of embarassing to be told up front. Though, it's thanks to you and Tenn that I can be doing this right now. Back when we had just formed TRIGGER, I thought that you and Tenn were perfect at everything, and that I was the only one who was disappointing. But, you both acknowledged me as a full-fledged member, and you always asked for my opinion. When I realized that, I thought, I've really become a real member of TRIGGER. I'm really thankful. 

Gaku: I feel the same. I'll keep depending on you from now on.

Ryunosuke: Yeah!

Gaku: I'm really touched.

Ryunosuke: Me too.

Gaku: It would be nice if the talk ended here, but there are still things I have to ask you. ......Can you tell us about something that made you sad?

Ryunosuke: Sure......

Gaku: Are you thinking of something?

Ryunosuke:  That would be the times when I felt that TRIGGER or my family members, the things that I hold dear, were acquiring a negative image, as a collateral of my happiness. 

Gaku: Ryu......

Ryunosuke: But what I have to do is to sing, to dance, to just keep working seriously as I had been this whole time, so that I can reach the hearts of everyone who has been supporting me as TRIGGER's Tsunashi Ryunosuke through each of our performances. 

Gaku: I was sincerely amazed by your strength. Even I got cheered up by you.

Ryunosuke: The same goes for me though! When I read the Gaku Photobook, I gained strength from your words. I thought, I have to do my best as TRIGGER's Tsunashi Ryunosuke too.

Gaku: Everyone makes fun of that phrase huh......

Ryunosuke: It just means that it stayed in people's hearts!

Gaku: That would be nice (lol)! Well then, shall we finalize this.

Ryunosuke: Yeah. I'll do my best to produce for Momo-san next! 

Gaku: That's right, you were the one to produce for Momo-san.

Ryunosuke: Yup. Momo-san is always doing things for me, so to convey my gratitute to him, I thought that I should give it my best. Look forward to it too, Gaku.

Gaku: Yeah. We don't see Momo-san stripping much, but as an outdoors type of person, shouldn't his body be quite well built? You could have him strip, but you could also have him give off a healthy image while dressed too!

Ryunosuke: Don't make me hesitate.....!

Gaku: Ahaha! Do your best. Oh right, I forgot. Lastly, please send a message to your fans.

Ryunosuke: Right! To all of you who read the Ryunosuke Photobook, thank you so much for always cheering for me! It's a bit embarassing to have your own photobook, but I had the chance to have it produced by Gaku, so I can recommend it with confidence. I'd be happy if by reading this photobook, you could come to know more about me, and about my beloved TRIGGER! As TRIGGER's Tsunashi Ryunosuke, I intend to give it my all everyday so that I can deliver charming performances for you all, so please look forward to TRIGGER's future. From now on, please keep cheering for me!

T/N

(1) Gaku calls him "tennen tarashi" (天然タラシ) which usually refers to a character (male) who does something flirty without intending to, or does something which makes people fall for them naturally. For example, imagine that a girl got a new haircut. The guy notices it and tells her it suits her. Someone who keeps noticing the little things and being attentive is tennen tarashi. So this term usually applies to someone who's very kind in that way. However, this is a tangent but, being tennen tarashi may not always be a good thing, because if the other person actually likes you, they may be really disappointed if they find out that you didn't have any romantic intentions... It has similar connotations to “heartbreaker.”

(2) For those who don't know, there is a section in the photobook which shows social media posts by other characters. Here is an example from Riku's photobook.

Thank you @carefreejules for the scans!