#seeing my dead family always makes me feel horrible about myself

[skiesarecoolasfuck]

sunset at the cemetery

[astral--horrorshow]

Around-The-Clock Shadows

Platonic Yandere ROTTMNT x Reader

Info: This will be a full-length fic including multiple ROTTMNT characters, the main storyline revolves around the Mad Dogs.

Fic Summary: You sure are likeable, aren't you?

《Chapter 1》

Chapter 2: Juice-Induced Short-Circuit

Characters: Donnie, Leo, Raph, Mikey

A/N: Chapter 2 is here! I'm going to try to write a bit more to get chapters out faster, (dw i'm not burning myself out, i literally sit around at home most days) so ya'll have that to look forwards to!

Tbh I did my most productive writing while listening to video game fan music, maybe it just has magical tendencies from good it is.

If you want to be added to a taglist, just say the word! If you want to draw fanart or make anything based off of this, I would be literally honored. Please don't be shy, I will love whatever you make! If you have any questions about the fic, feel free to ask!

TW: Stalking, kidnapping plans, toxic relationships, Donnie has a bit of an ego, ruining of clothing

I do not condone any of the behaviors found or done in this fic. This story is purely for entertainment purposes. If you or someone you know is being treated like this, please contact the authorities.

Please Reblog writer's work!

Chapter Summary: Donnie gets rid of a tracker in a way that Leo doesn't like very much, and Raph goes over a plan with his brothers.

Word Count: 1176

☆~☆~☆

"Don't let me hear the robins sing above,

What good's their song if I've no one to love?"

You leaned your head back against the porcelain of the bathtub, watching the steam from the water curl up towards the ceiling. The silky-double vocals of Leslie Gore crept beneath the door and echoed throughout the tiled bathroom.

You leaned forwards and pulled the plug to the drain, watching the water swirl into the pipes.

"Don't let that dreamy moon come out, come out tonight,"

You lifted the needle off of the record, slipping it back into its case and strolling back to your bedroom. You snuggled under the warm covers, your wet hair dampening the pillow. Your eyelids were getting heavier with each second, warm water always did make you sleepy.

A hand landed on the outdoor windowsill, pulling the body attached to it upwards, revealing Donatello. He froze for a moment when you stirred in your sleep, but relaxed again when you merely turned your sleeping face to the wall.

Donnie pulled open your window, and slipped inside almost silently. He scanned around the room, before the spot of red light he was looking for pulled him to the jacket it was coming from.

He plucked the tracker the Purple Dragons had planted and glared at it with distaste. How dare they disrespect your privacy like that? He knew that they didn't care about you, not like he did. He wants to protect you, they want to use you. He wouldn't let that happen, over his dead body. Donnie's trackers are for protection purposes, so you need them. You need him, you need the rest of your new family to protect you from people like Kendra.

Now, what to do with the tracker? He obviously couldn't bring it back to the Lair, but he didn't want to leave it on you. He couldn't place it somewhere else, there were still things to prepare for your arrival and they would still see you at school, much to his displeasure. He thought it over, finding no good options even within the deepest depths of his intellect.

Suddenly, he thought of the most intelligent idea. He would spill something on the jacket, so you would throw it in the wash! The tracker would be destroyed! Those horrible, deceiving nerds wouldn't suspect a thing! He applauded himself in his mind, basking in his own intellect.

He was so busy praising himself in his mind that he didn't notice the electric blue portal materializing out of thin air behind him until Leo was right behind him. Donnie jumped nearly a mile out of his skin when Leo's hand landed on his shoulder.

He jerked around, expecting you to have woken up somehow and discovered his presence, but deflated when he saw that it was just his brother, and glared at him.

"What are you doing here, Leo?" Donnie said, crossing his arms with an annoyed look on his face. He could believe that his brother could do what he was doing, but he really wished he wouldn't.

"I'm visiting, of course," Leonardo flipped the ends of his bandana over his shoulder like it was hair, "Also, Raph sent me to look for you. You didn't come back after you left."

"That's none of your business."

"I think it is. If you're here, then it's all our business."

"You'll just do something rash."

Leo put on a half-mocking, half-serious pout, "Nuh-uh!"

"Scoff."

"If you don't tell me, I'll tell Raph and Mikey something is wrong."

Donatello clenched his fists and teeth, glaring even deeper at Leo. "Fine. The Purple Dragons placed a tracker on them, and I'm going to get rid of it."

Leonardo brought a hand up to his chest and gasped dramatically like a woman in a black-and-white movie, his eyes widening. "No!" He said it less like an exclamation, and more like a woman gossiping with her friends.

"Yes. Like I said, I'm going to get rid of it. Now go away."

Leo sassily put a hand on his hip, "No. I'm going to stay here and look after them."

"Fine," Donnie snapped, "But if you wake them up, you're going to regret it."

He walked to the kitchen, taking a carton of juice out of the fridge before returning.

Upon re-entering the bedroom, Donnie gritted his teeth yet again upon seeing him sit on the edge of your bed, his three-fingered hand gently petting the top of your head.

“What are you doing? Get off of there before you wake them up!” Leo pouted at his brother’s demand, but sat up anyway. He cocked his head in curiosity upon seeing the juice in Donnie’s hand.

“Juice?”

“Yes. This is how I’m going to get rid of that awful tracker.”

Leo launched forwards, attempting to grab the juice. “Don’t do that! You’re going to ruin a perfectly good jacket!”

Donatello jerked his hand back before Leo could grab it. “The whole point is that they’re going to wash it, dumb-dumb.” Upon hearing his brother’s plan, Leo didn’t try to grab the juice anymore, but put a hand on his hip again. “And what happens if it stains?”

“I’ll buy them another one,” Donnie turned back to the jacket, screwing the cap open.

Leonardo made no further attempt to stop his brother, but looked away as Donnie poured the liquid over the fabric. In his refusal to watch him disfigure clothing, he looked over to you, still sleeping soundly even with all the noise they were both making. You really were a deep sleeper, how cute.

“Done,” Donnie announced, interrupting Leo’s thoughts. He turned back to him, trying not to focus on the stained fabric on a hanger behind him. “Let’s just go,” Leo said, sulkily. He didn’t want to leave you so soon, but he couldn’t stand another minute in the awkwardness of the moment. They both walked to the kitchen, checking on you one last time to make sure you were still sleeping soundly. Donnie put the juice back in the fridge, then stepped into Leo’s portal.

☆~☆~☆

The Turtle Tank sped throughout the backstreets of New York City, leaving scattered papers and humans in its wake. Raphael pulled the tank into an isolated alleyway, beckoning his brothers to join in a circle.

"Okay," Raph said, putting his arms on the backs of Leo and Mikey, who were next to him in the circle, "We have everything prepared? Donnie, you have the tranq gun?"

"Of course I do, Raph," Donnie said with a slightly exasperated tone, "We've been over this."

"Okay, fine. Everyone knows the plan, right? We sneak in, get them, and take them home, like a boss!" Upon saying his catchphrase, Raph pumped his fist in the air, hyped up.

His energy spread to his younger brothers, and they put in their words of excitment and encouragement. Raph drove the vehicle out of the alleyway, and sped towards your home.

☆~☆~☆

A/N: Apologies if this chapter drags on a bit! I wanted to focus more on staying on one scene because of all the jumping back and forth in the first chapter! Also sorry that Raph and Mikey aren't very active in the story right now! They'll be a lot more starting in chapter 3! The first two chapters are more focused on the stalking aspect, which I tend to assign to Leo and Donnie. Raph and Mikey are more caretaker-esque, which you'll definently see very soon!

Taglist <3: @yandere-toons @yanteetle @ssak-i @oleander-nin @averagerottmntsimp

[digitalfootprinthider]

Best friends, right?

Levi Ackerman x reader (not really that romantic but the intent was there lmao)

+ no pronouns for reader

after fighting side by side with Levi for so long you finally develop a small connection

i literally never wrote anything before thisss nfhjsckladc I more than appreciate if you read this and give me your thoughts :) and sorry for spelling errors- English is not my first language

An expedition always came with massive losses. This one was no exception, but personal deaths were always horrifying. I was, along with every squad captain no stranger to those ether. Seeing someone losing their entire team is horrible. The survivors guilt, the what ifs and the spiraling.

But as a captain i know its our responsibility to be strong and caring towards our squad- or what’s remained of them. they all died. I want to convince myself that they died fast and didn’t feel that much pain, or they died for a good course, but right now they all feel like lies. Telling their families is always the hardest thing i have to do.

‘Stop. You can do this hysteria later,’ I mumble to myself as i force my head away from my dead cadet and slap myself to take control of it again. We’re still in the middle of this mission, and a few dead friends should never stop me from completing my task.

we are in the outer space of wall Maria trying to manage the make best of the situation, if that's even possible right now. titans-or a human, the hole doesn't look like a titan has done it- crushed the walls so now the other ones are getting in. The view is disturbing to say the least. Dead all around, the ones there is no way saving are screaming with all that's left in them and who knows how many are still in there- I have to remind myself again to shut these out, i can worry about it later, for now there is only one thing to do-

kill as many of these assholes as possible. I jump from the rooftop into the endless titans, leaving my cadet’s body. I slash a titans nape with one fast blow and move onto my next victim. I see a cadet struggling to deal with an abnormal so i join in. At least i can save them.

‘Where is the rest of your team? You shouldn't be alone.’ I ask her after swiftly handling the situation. In the back of my mind I'm hoping that the answer wouldn’t be death, just in case i put on a poker face.

‘umm thanks for the help’ She said visibly distressed. Judging by that reaction it was her first expedition, poor girl getting her first real experience with this is not gonna do her much good. I try to give her a reassuring look but that's not my forte.

‘I just saw them over there’ she points with her head but its shaking so much its hard to get anything out of it. ’Ill go join them. Again thanks for the help.’ She swings away. I do the same.

after that, my body is on auto mode. Swing, neck, swing legs, wing neck, repeat. There was no strength left in me and i just wanted to stop for a minute but if i would i knew couldn't get up again. So much of that color code Hange made was in the air one can hardly see through it but it’s not stopping anyone. We all know how much is depending on us clearing out the space while the other can flee.

Suddenly i hear a loud noise. I finish with my current victim and go up to the walls to inspect. It was the signal that meant the fight was over. I desperately wanted to find the my te-it will take some time to really realize they are no more. My knees buckle but i keep myself standing. If don't sit down soon my body will collapse.

Next to the wall was a quickly build station we did on all expeditions. I just sat down on a bench in front of one of the main huts next to a cadet with their face in their hands. As i look around i see people eather crying, hugging each other and barley moving a muscle from still being in shock. The adrenalin was wearing off and they just realizing the losses, the same happening to me.

Some liquid is dripping down into my eyes from my head. Its weird because Titan blood should’ve went away by now, and i didn't have any head injuries. That is when it hit me. It was their blood. my squad is dead. Again. Every close friend i have- had, is getting ripped to shreds in the walls while i sit on a little bench. I take a closer look at the man next to me and realize its captain Ackerman. We probably look the same now: bruised, uniforms tainted by blood that's not ours, and ripped in a few places and hints of dirt and colors from the flares.

We literally never talked, but became cadets then captain around the same. For a few years we even shared a squad. We were in the same room most of our carrier. We are both closed off so we never got deeper than talking during meetings. I must’ve been staring at him for a while, because he looks up from his hands into my eyes waiting me to say something. When we lock eyes it hits me. From our year of cadets we were the last ones standing. From our old squad everyone died long ago. His family, that nice girl and boy i cant even remember the name of are dead. So is my old best friend whom we joined to the corps together. Its seems a different world remembering back to it, with one constant.

Ackerman. He was always there. everyone else coudn't live up to the standards of this life but we did. he did, he was always there with me and i cant even recall the names of his dead family. I don't think we even called each other by our first names yet, but it feels like a decade since we first started as cadets.

Seeing my face deep in thought and bloody he stated that i wont be talking anytime soon, so he went back to his hands, but a spoke up in the last second.

‘I guess you’re my best friend now.’ He quickly looked back to me and than around for whom I was speaking to, but when he realized it was him he looked at me weirdly, like I had three heads. ‘By default. Sometimes i forget we even know each other but now your the one i know the most about, and that's not really a compliment.’We both frowned ‘That came out wrong. I didn't mean it to sound bitchy.’

For a few seconds we just stared at each other blankly but i think he realized what i was saying and I saw two thing in his eyes. Pity, not for me but for my cadets. I liked that. And recognition.

‘You’re YN.’ His voice was weak. He probably lost most of his voice giving orders for his team. I don't have to worry about that for a while. ‘If its any consolation i saw two of your squad going down. It was not your fault. You fought well.’ He tilted his head up towards the still dirty sky, resting his head on the tent behind him and took a deep breath. Even looking like a corpse he was still beautiful. As that thought came up my mind my brows knitted- Its an objective observation, not a love confession. Not like i know more than two things about this man anyways.

‘As for the friend part, my pool of best friends candidates just got significantly smaller so you’re in luck.’ He looked into my eyes, but still kept his head upwards. ’If you’re interested you could join in to missions while you short things out. I’ll keep you busy.’ With that he closed his eyes once again. I considered the conversation over. I mimicked his movement and tried to tidy up my mind and maybe even rest a little.

I hope at least it was a fun read ")

[xxladyballadxx]

Always In Your Heart

Vash x (Wife) reader

⚠️SUICIDE AND SELF HARM ARE INVOLVED IN THIS FANFIC. PLEASE DON’T READ IT IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE⚠️

During an exhausting day by doing bounty hunting with his good ol’ pal Wolfwood, he decided to go for a drink with him before heading home to his wife, (Y/n). Speaking of (Y/n), Vash wondered if she’s managing alright at home by herself. He insisted on calling Meryl and Milly over to spend time with (Y/n) so she doesn’t get lonely. However, (Y/n) wanted to be alone at home. 

Each day and week, Vash’s concerns for his wife grew extremely high and is worrying for her wellbeing and health. Saturday he noticed recent scars on (Y/n)’s arms when he came home from grocery shopping. Vash wished to talk to her about it but kept losing the chance every time (Y/n) changed the subject.  

There was just one time Vash heard (Y/n) sobbing in the bathroom, he comforted her and asked what’s wrong. He held her close while she talked about what’s bothering her. 

Vash managed to talk about the marks on (Y/n)’s arms, he talked her out of it and pleaded with her not to do it anymore. (Y/n) and Vash cried together in an embrace.

‘Whatever you’re going, please know that I’m here for you. No matter how big or small it is, you can always tell me anything.” 

Those words from Vash made (Y/n) cry even more. She calmed down afterwards and fell asleep in the bedroom, resting her mind while Vash lay down next to her. 

~-~-~~-~-~~-~-~

“(Y/n), babydoll, I’m home.” As Vash returned home, he knew something was off. Awfully quiet in the house, (Y/n) didn’t respond to Vash when he called out to her. 

Vash called out his wife’s name multiple times. Still no response. He jogged upstairs to see if (Y/n) was in the room. “(Y/n)..?” He slowly opened the door as it made a creaking sound. 

He entered the room with his heart shattering into pieces, spotted his wife lying down on the floor…dead. A spilled bottle of pills was found on the floor, beside (Y/n)’s right hand. 

“(Y/N)!!!” Vash bewailed, he rushed to her and bent down, holding his wife in his arms as he shed tears, “(Y/n)...why?” His face swelled with grief and sorrow, his head hurting from shedding a lot of tears. He can feel himself falling apart. Witnessing his wife who took her own life….is gone.

Suddenly, he noticed a folded piece of paper in (Y/n)’s other hand. Vash slipped it away from his wife’s cold hand at a slow pace and started reading it, small teardrops dripping down on the letter from his blue-emerald eyes as he read it…

To my wonderful, loving husband Vash

I’m so sorry I did this to myself. I couldn’t stand being in this cruel, harsh reality anymore. I kept hearing voices in my head saying that I’m not good enough, Even my family who left me in the dirt. I can hear them saying horrible things about me. You as well…

Just know that it’s not you, it’s me. I kept having negative thoughts about myself. All this time, I thought no one could ever love me. Never. Until you came into my life. I had no idea someone like you would fall for me.

I said to myself once that I could never be with someone who is warm-hearted, so sweet and so kind…

Keep on living, Vash…for me

No matter how many people are against you just for who you are or what you are, know that I am always here in your heart. Even though I am gone…I will always be watching over you…

I love you so much my dear, I am very glad to have met you, so glad to have you in my life…

Thank you for accepting me,..

Thank you for everything…

From your loving wife…(Y/n)..

Vash’s hands were shaking in despair, he wept and held the letter close to his heart. He screamed out a cry along with his heart screaming along with him…

Vash The Stampede…

A hunter of love and peace…just lost the most precious person in his life…

(A/n)-I actually cried while writing this...💔💔

[fazfacts]

HOT DAGA SENTENCE STARTERS

it's actually criminal that nobody has done this before. feel free to change as needed!

❝ If you don't like it, you can kiss my buns. ❞

❝ Oh, he looks all pissed off 'cause his hat's still gone. ❞

❝ Good, I'm glad he's pissed. ❞

❝ I hope he crashes into that wall. ❞

❝ Oh shit, he crashed! ❞

❝ Wow! They look like a happy couple. ❞

❝ She's not happy with his driving, I'll tell you that. ❞

❝ Oh, he's on fire, he looks like he's hurting. ❞

❝ What a horrible occurrence that just happened! ❞

❝ What the fuck? ❞

❝ He's gonna come back like Michael Myers. ❞

❝ I can't really tell what it is, but it went by real quick. ❞

❝ Why did you run from me? ❞

❝ I...I didn't know how to tell you, but...we have a son now. ❞

❝ Wait -- I'm so confused... ❞

❝ Hello, [name]. I'm your father, [name]. ❞

❝ Why did you try to shoot me and leave me for dead? ❞

❝ That wasn't me. ❞

❝ It's me, [name], your evil twin sister. ❞

❝ I won't have you two together. You know I love [name]. ❞

❝ Now it's time to die. Mount your crab. ❞

❝ [Name], step aside! ❞

❝ Do you remember where we were? ❞

❝ Who are you? ❞

❝ Nice to meet you. I love you. ❞

❝ Promise you'll never shoot me, [name]. ❞

❝ Let's cover ourselves in mustard and get craaazy! ❞

❝ I hope you never get eaten on the Fourth of July like my parents. ❞

❝ Your words are making me happy, so I am smiling. ❞

❝ Always love each other, no matter where your paths take you. ❞

❝ We are siblings, but also best friends. ❞

❝ Why would we ever fight? ❞

❝ I have seen it in my special dreams. ❞

❝ Let's go eat the rest of Amelia Earheart for dinner. ❞

❝ My funding...my precious funding... ❞

❝ It's all over now. I suppose I'll let myself rot. ❞

❝ I'm in urgent need of your services. ❞

❝ What a shame...I was so close. ❞

❝ That's a good hashtag. ❞

❝ Like my dear old dad used to say, there's no free condiments in life. ❞

❝ Most condiments are free, actually. ❞

❝ How dare you! ❞

❝ Please, respect my father. May he rest in peace. ❞

❝ This talk of your father seems very shoehorned into this conversation. ❞

❝ I'm your son! From the future! ❞

❝ Hoooly shiiit. ❞

❝ Why did you do it, [name]? Why'd you do any of this? ❞

❝ Because, [name], I'm straight-up evil. ❞

❝ That's bad for the fabric of reality and space-time, I think. ❞

❝ Okay, it's technically not murder or anything. ❞

❝ This is what you get. This is the law of the wild. ❞

❝ I can't bear to watch this inevitable carnage. ❞

❝ I just want a picture of this moment. ❞

❝ I need your help to avenge my death. ❞

❝ We're a family again! A real family! ❞

❝ That's a terrible name. ❞

❝ I'm pretty sure this is a trap... ❞

❝ A crow ate one of my eyes at the bank last Labor Day, by the way. That's why I have an eyepatch now. ❞

❝ Did it ever occur to you, [name], that I loved you and your mustache? Well, I don't anymore, and I see you've shaved your mustache, you idiot. ❞

❝ The day we broke up was the best day of my life. ❞

❝ I saw him do a magic trick once where he sat on his own lap. ❞

❝ I'm suddenly afraid my wife will leave me for him, but he's a nice guy, so that's okay. ❞

❝ Wait a minute, you weren't invited! ❞

❝ It's me, [name], and I'd like to welcome you to Hell. Time to die! ❞

❝ I am displeased! But that does sound narratively rich. ❞

❝ Will you press pause on your shit for five minutes? ❞

❝ I now have to imagine a thing I don't want to imagine, under any circumstance? ❞

❝ Are you proud of yourself? ❞

❝ But I cannot attempt to process that at the moment, for the fear of the emotional toll it would take on me. ❞

❝ How'd we survive? ❞

❝ Ooh, what a plot! ❞

❝ We could go back in time to stop it all. ❞

❝ No need to explain that, we'll remember it always. ❞

❝ Thank you for your service. ❞

❝ Enough talky-time, more spacey-time, idiots. ❞

❝ We threw them into a volcano. They're gone. ❞

❝ I don't negotiate with assholes. ❞

❝ I can't believe it -- I'm alive! ❞

❝ Oh, no, no, hey, c'mon. Nothin' to worry about here. ❞

❝ That doesn't make any sense. ❞

❝ My parents were very juicy and I am, too. ❞

❝ You...don't seem trustworthy. ❞

❝ Oh, I'm plenty trustworthy. ❞

❝ So what's your deal again? ❞

❝ Hm. Makes sense if you actually track the story, probably. ❞

❝ I wonder if Earth's tasty. ❞

❝ I'm not one for decision-making. ❞

❝ I'm both the mayor and the sheriff. ❞

❝ Don't worry, you will soon go to jail. ❞

❝ I want to get perfectly sane, haha. ❞

❝ You're getting more and more sane by the day! ❞

❝ Everyone's dying and the world is basically over. ❞

❝ Sometimes your life don't go exactly as you planned. ❞

❝ The fact that I doubted myself for even a split second is some military-grade bullshit. ❞

❝ It's me, [name], and I'm pissed. ❞

❝ I can't die, I'm beloved! ❞

❝ Question: what the hell's going on? ❞

❝ If you do anything dumb, I will kill you with my hat. ❞

❝ You didn't need to do that, by the way. That's cruel. You understand that? ❞

❝ I didn't ask to exist. In fact, I was very content not being. ❞

❝ Look, I'm sorry about doing you dirty. ❞

❝ We've got some things to discuss, you and me. ❞

❝ Ohhh, okay. We're both dead, then. This is for sure a place where we're both dead. ❞

❝ My last memory was me putting a goldfish in my mouth to make my children laugh. Then I choked to death. ❞

❝ Play shitty games, win shitty prizes, [name]. ❞

❝ I was so consumed with hate and anger that I lost sight of who I was. ❞

❝ Are you just, like, checked out of this conversation now? ❞

❝ I'm just a guy in a void. ❞

❝ I got murked and it chilled me out. ❞

❝ That's my catchphrase, now that I'm fun. ❞

❝ Tell you what, I hate this planet. ❞

❝ There's a small part of my funky, no-good heart that's like, "hell yeah." ❞

❝ Hey, you want some money? It's got my face on it. ❞

❝ The one thing I've always said is, "you can definitely trust someone who repeatedly insists that you can trust them," you idiot. ❞

❝ I'm the queen of deception and straight-up dirty tricks. ❞

❝ Game recognize game, however inferior. ❞

❝ I've just had a tremendously confusing dream. ❞

❝ I'm not in the habit of taking drinks from strangers. ❞

❝ But I'm beloved... ❞

❝ I. Don't. Caaare. ❞

❝ It's almost Friday, the day for kissing! ❞

❝ If you value your life, you might consider staying out of mine. ❞

❝ Is there any way we can put this all behind us? ❞

❝ Are you fucking kidding me? You shouldn't have asked that question. ❞

❝ Oh, thank God. I was about to flip my shit. ❞

❝ Full disclosure, no offense: you seem nuts. ❞

❝ My mind is so clever, some describe me as a God. ❞

❝ My name is [name], and I'm here to say: you'll soon straight-up die today. ❞

❝ I'm perfectly sane, so now it's time to play my funny little game. ❞

❝ Where'd you go to college? Detective school? ❞

❝ I'm gonna save your life for my own benefit. ❞

❝ I have no beef with you. You're clearly dealing with some stuff. ❞

❝ Don't worry, I will murder you. ❞

❝ I feel like you're not being receptive to literally any of my shit. ❞

❝ I was hypnotized for many, many years and frankly, I'm not too happy about it. ❞

❝ Well, you can't blame me for that. I'm dead. ❞

❝ I think you could maybe choose not to be complicit in the destruction of the universe. ❞

❝ Jesus Christ, take a breath. ❞

❝ If you don't stop this instant, I'm gonna hug you. ❞

❝ I feel like a happy sunshine person who always wins. ❞

❝ I feel as critically-acclaimed as I always do! ❞

❝ You should know by now, nothing exciting ever happens around here. ❞

❝ Hey, you ever think about what happens after we die? ❞

❝ Sorry for my dad being a dick all the time...and for following his orders without question. ❞

❝ I hate you and I'm glad you look all fucked-up! ❞

❝ Namaste or whatever. ❞

❝ I just wanna chill 'til I'm dead. ❞

❝ Whoa, okay. I think I'm gonna die. ❞

❝ Those were the bad guys! Why were you, like, chilling with them? ❞

❝ Man, you really pooped the bed on this one. ❞

❝ Okay, your tone is appropriate and I apologize. ❞

❝ I will miss you, [name], the biggest baller of them all. ❞

❝ I'd actually be double-dead, which is the worst kind of dead. ❞

❝ What can one do in the face of such monumental loss but breathe a weary sigh, for the world is a little quieter now. ❞

❝ Sometimes your death don't go exactly how you planned. ❞

❝ I tried the best I can, but I ain't got the stuff. ❞

❝ Frankly, life's been pretty dope. ❞

❝ I know life's been crazy, but believe me, you'll be fine without me here. ❞

❝ There's really no need to cry. ❞

❝ I know things seem kind of shitty and that the odds aren't looking pretty, but what's the point of quitting now? ❞

❝ I won't be here to see it, but you bet your ass that I believe that you'll still save the day somehow. ❞

❝ If I had a fuckin' bucket, then I got a hunch I'd kick it. ❞

❝ Sorry for the cursing, but I'm feeling worse and worse. ❞

❝ I don't wanna die, but I'm probably gonna die. ❞

❝ I'm dying now, just so we're clear. ❞

❝ Holy shit, this is it, I'm gonna die. ❞

❝ I'll see you later, pals, I'm outta here. ❞

[faircatch]

It really sucks being afraid to speak to people because I don't know how they are going to react if I let it slip out that I am Jewish and Israeli.

I don't know if I will get support or attacked (not necessarily physically, but verbally). I can't express my feelings about the situation my people and family are in, but can only listen to others and try to insert facts as carefully as possible...

Watching how Jews are being singled out and harassed by Pro-Palestinian protesters makes me nervous about revealing I am Jewish.

And sometimes the support from others is nice, but it can lead to vitriolic sentiment from non-Jews and non-Israelis which I also don't want.

I don't want innocent civilians dead. But I support Israel defending itself against Hamas who uses innocents as shields. But there is no way to have a civil conversation about it.

Not when I have seen people, even on this platform, say "Tear down those 'Kidnapped by Hamas' posters, because fuck Israel!" because they support innocent civilian Palestinians, but will not support innocent civilian Israelis. And they don't see how fucked up that is.

They don't see that months ago, when talking about right wing politics they used phrases like, "If Nazis are marching with you, maybe you're the bad guy." But don't see that at Pro-Palestinian marches there are Nazi flags and antisemitic shouts and cries from the people among them should make them question who is arranging and attending these protests.

There's so much I see, and I don't feel safe. I never fully felt safe. I have faced enough antisemitism in my life when people have found out I was Jewish, that I always knew it was around. Added bonus for being born in Israel. But seeing how people have been so vicious, spreading lies and propaganda from Hamas without ever researching it or actually looking into anything - going so far as to say things like Oct. 7th never happened and there are no hostages, even though Hamas has proven itself that it has done all the horrible things and will continue to do so - and will believe Hamas' lies about Israel even when proven to be false... How can I trust anyone?

I don't scroll through Instagram anymore because it makes my stomach tense, hoping I won't see something posted that is a lie or pushing an idea that will only make things worse. And its hard to scroll through Tumblr because suddenly there is "Fuck Israel!"

I know there are people who understand what it's like to not feel safe in the world... To worry where an attack may come from. To worry when someone is going to say something that is messed up or fucked up around you - especially if they don't know who or what you are. It's a constant tension. I low level always had it because it happens to me from time to time, but there is no where safe. Not even online. And I could unfollow people, but I don't want to isolate myself or judge people or disconnect... I don't want to live in an online echo chamber where all the information is the same... I just wish it wasn't so hateful.

So, yeah... I am afraid to speak and constantly watching what I say. Listening to conversations around me seeing lies and misinformation spread on social media, and feeling isolated by places I once felt connected to.

Sorry... it's early and I'm rambling again.

[rickmymanrick]

rick’s POV(ch 6 | one rule)

here's a little look at what's going through rick's mind after the lori/shane bombshell. this should give more background to rick and daphne's 'relationship' before the fall.

also take it easy. this was written very quickly without much revision. just a fun little dive into rick's thought process during this scene

"Oh, really? Does a brother fuck your wife?"

I didn't understand what Daryl had said at first. The shock kept me rooted in my spot as he scoffed and then stormed off into the trees.

Does a brother fuck your wife?

A rage crept in as Shane began to shuffle uncomfortably, mere feet away from me. He wasn't even trying to deny it.

"She... Lori... she thought you were dead, man."

I suddenly knew this wasn't just sex. The first thing he'd done was defend her honor rather than his own. Was he in love with her?

My jaw clicked as I clenched my teeth together angrily. The betrayal was almost enough to blind me in rage. Our marriage was on the rocks for almost a year before my coma, but we were still married. Someone I'd trusted with everything knew the mother of my children intimately.

"Did you?" I bit out. After all, he was the one who had last seen me at the hospital.

"You heard 'em. I—I tried, Rick! I saw you every chance I got—"

His words flew into one ear and out the other. I couldn't think of anything but how much I wanted to knock his teeth out.

"—we were comforting each other the only way we knew how—"

Holding onto my sanity was surprisingly difficult. I always had a feeling Lori had her affections directed elsewhere. All our arguments and fighting, the things she'd say in front of Carl— the thought of infidelity wasn't out of reach. I'd even come to accept the possibility of it, because outside of my house, I wasn't doing much better. Could I even be upset with her? I never cheated on my wife, but my attention had been fixed on another for quite some time.

"I thought you were gone." It was the only thing I could manage to say, if I wasn't going to send my fist flying into his face, at the very least I could try to express the hurt. He needed to know that this broke everything we had.

"After I woke up in that hospital bed, when I saw what the world had become. The first thing I thought about was Carl and Lori. And then you. Our unit. For a moment, I thought you were all dead—" The words got stuck in my throat as I recalled the horrible thoughts that plagued my mind when I woke. How I mourned my best friend.

I could barely stand to look at his face. My eyes stung and I forced myself to look him squarely. He did this to me. He did.

"Our marriage... fell apart a long time ago," I shook his head and clenched my jaw. "But that doesn't make this okay."

He knew this already. Hell, if I recalled correctly, it was the grand topic of our final conversation before the world went to shit.

Shane was normally so outspoken, always had a goddamn thing to say. A quip. A disagreement. Always something.

But now he was deadly silent, guilt must be brewing in him. Good.

I was only able to push the murderous thoughts out of my mind when I remembered that my son was only alive because of him and Daphne. It was the only thing sparing him. From what? I wasn't too sure.

"I appreciate what you did. Saving 'em. I owe you everythin' but—" I forced through my teeth, digging my nails into my palms.

In this moment, I realized I couldn't confront Lori. I couldn't destroy whatever semblance of family we had left. It's a miracle we were still alive and that we found each other. That I found my boy.

We're still out in the woods, unprotected and exposed. Tomorrow was not promised. And until it was, until I could guarantee my family would live to see more sunrises, I couldn't destroy what they had built here. Otherwise, we would not survive.

"I get it, man. I'll go back to camp."

"Uh— yeah, yeah," I said dismissively. My anger could only hold off for so long.

As soon as he stomped away, I allowed myself to glance at his retreating back, confirming what I suspected since yesterday afternoon. The look on his face— the shock of seeing me— it wasn't happy. Maybe, just maybe, part of him wanted me gone for good.

The thought sent my fist barreling into the nearest tree trunk, a frustrated yell tried to escape but I kept my lips firmly shut. I didn't need Shane coming back, if he cared at all that is.

Somewhere in the jumbled thoughts that were fighting to make some sense of anything in my mind, I remembered the one thing that had brought me any type of comfort when Lori and I would argue. Which was practically everyday.

"How long you been there?" I asked softly. I knew she would hear me. I'd seen her brown eyes through the bush as Daryl led us farther from camp.

The branches rustled a bit.

"I was here first," her voice was defensive. I couldn't blame her. Witnessing what she just witnessed.

I tried to spot her curls through the bush but she seemed to have camouflaged herself within the leaves.

"You were. I saw you just before Daryl left."

And out she finally came, her cheeks flushed and her hair in a bit of a disarray, but the sight of her brought back memories from the station. At work, she usually had her hair pulled back, two curls framing her face while she sipped a steaming hot coffee. She was always there before me so I would choose the long way to my assigned desk, which was in a completely different wing, just to catch a glimpse at her. The sight of her was a breath of fresh air after rough nights of arguing with Lori. Daphne had an aura to her that made just about everyone gravitate to her. Bitterly, I also remembered that Shane tainted most of my memories of Daphne Ayala.

Always lingering around her desk, conveniently posed right in front of her whenever I would walk in. It wasn't odd for her to be busy with another officer, most of the department had a crush on her as grown as we all were. But Shane's appearances always seemed deliberate.

"I was picking berries. Found the patch a few weeks ago," she explained, showing me her pouch of fruit.

How odd it was to see her outside the precinct. Her hair was down, curls reaching her lower back as she brushed them away from her eyes. Eyes that weren't framed by her usual eyeliner style.

She looked so jarringly beautiful in a world so terribly gruesome.

I hoped my anger would mask how unsettled I was that we were actually speaking, after years of observing her from afar. Did she know I was as hopelessly attracted to her as nearly everyone else in the KCPD?

"I can leave you alone."

I realized with a jolt I've spent so much time staring that I'd forgotten to speak.

"I'll go back to camp—"

"No." I said more assertively than I meant to. I didn't want her to slip away again. She was always a mystery I wanted to solve but I forced myself to stay away. Despite the problems at home, I was still married. And now? Well, it was all in shambles.

"Oh, um, okay."

"Do you..." What am I trying to say? My mind went blank. But I looked at Daphne's eyes obscured by her curls and her work updo came to mind. And then her shadow, Shane. "Did you know?"

"No," she said looking rather uncomfortable.

"I keep wondering... if I have the right to even be upset. I wasn't a good husband to her, I know this, and you're the last person I should be telling this to but—" I cut myself short, the words slipping past my lips before I could think them through. I practically gave myself away and it was wishful thinking to hope that it had flown over her head. Daphne was a detective for crying out loud.

"It's fine. I know this can't be easy for you. To wake up to... this."

I scoffed. It wasn't easy to see the world flipped upside down sure, but the most selfless person was standing right in front of me. The one who had saved my family's lives at the risk of her own. She was keeping them and the rest of the camp alive. People she didn't even know.

"I woke up and the hardest part was done. Seeing the world change— changing with it— becoming the leader of a group you had no responsibilities or ties to. You, you did the hard part."

She seemed taken aback. "Oh— did Shane—?"

"Shane didn't hafta tell me nothin'. Lori and I talked last night. She told me everything that happened since the day I got shot." Saying their names left a bad taste in my mouth. "I guess I have a lot to be thankin' you for. You saved my family. That is something I will never be able to repay."

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "You have my gratitude."

"Carl's a great kid. And Lori's my friend. I would do it a million times over."

She's a goddamn angel. I studied her face in awe, something I'd never been able to do in the years I admired her from afar. There was just something about her.

Her nose crinkled awkwardly as her brown eyes struggled to look into mine. Her lips turned up into a tiny smile. I had to remind myself that I'm married and step away respectfully before it got weird.

I brought myself to the ground, legs feeling weak from everything I'd endured in the past 48 hours. Daphne sat next to me.

"What... what do I do?" I asked her quietly.

She's a detective. She's light years smarter than I'd ever be.

"You're asking me," she said carefully.

I shrugged and looked at our surroundings obnoxiously.

"I can't really tell you what to do, Rick."

I rolled my eyes as I thought of Shane's guilty expression. "What I really want to do is break his jaw in. Watch him choke on his teeth."

"He deserves it," she agreed with an irritated tone.

Now that I thought of it, I hadn't seen Shane and Daphne interact once. A stark contrast to his relentless pursuing day in and day out at work. Maybe they had a falling out.

I sighed. "I don't know how to go on. How to look him in the face. We were brothers," I got angrier as I went on. "He was my best friend. He knew."

"He knew?"

"He was the one person I confided in. I told him about Lori and I. I told him when things started going south. I never thought in a million years I'd have to worry."

"We never do. They fill our heads with all these stupid promises and reassurances just to stab you right in the back anyway," she said.

I would've paid more mind to her comment but I was too wrapped up imagining how Lori and Shane would sneak off. How she'd leave Carl alone with people she barely knew.

Carl.

He's wrapped up in the middle of this. I'm sure he noticed all the fights between us. Lori never bothered to keep our discussions private. But even if I entertained the thought of just destroying whatever was left of our marriage, I couldn't do it now. Not while he needed his parents more than ever.

"Carl... he's so young," I expressed. I felt guilty that I was rambling so that's all I said. I wasn't sure why I was telling her so much— I'm not a particularly open person— but it's easy to talk to her. Natural even.

"Rick, the world isn't the same anymore. It doesn't excuse Lori's actions or Shane's, but all of that doesn't matter so much when you're trying to keep yourself from getting eaten by dead cannibals. I can't tell you what to do but in the grand scheme of things, I think Carl will learn to understand."

She's right, I thought. But things were too unstable, we were living life one day to the next... it had to wait until we weren't constantly looking over our shoulders.

I stared at the blueberries, willing myself to think of anything else.

"I've been thinking about the man we left behind," was the first thing I could think of. The guilt kept me up half the night.

Daphne looked over at me with a shocked expression. "You can't be serious."

Her reaction made me frown. "It isn't right. Leaving him up there to die."

"He would do the same to any of us. You just escaped the city. Survived alone against all odds. You're willing to risk that for a douchebag like Merle?"

I was confused, more shocked than anything. It didn't sit right with me— it was practically murder. She must know this. Douchebag or not, it would stain us forever if we left the man to cook in the sun.

"This— what we have here— this is what we focus on. It's unfortunate but Merle dug his own grave. It isn't worth risking your life, Rick."

No, I wouldn't accept that. And I didn't think she could live with that either. My face twisted uncomfortably as I tried to rationalize. She's right that it would be putting my life on the line, but it would kill not only me, but her, if I don't go. All those years of watching from a distance, I knew she had a big heart.

Her callousness and the iciness in her tone was so different from her usual behavior. I didn't like it, but I could see she was looking out for me—

"MOM! DAD!"

The words disappeared from the tip of my tongue. We both shot up with only one thought in mind— Carl.

[yuukei-yikes]

i was thinking abt how ayano and shintaro r the only two characters who ever die by suicide (shintaro is only in some routes but STILL.) and like how that's a way of showing that they had the potential to understand each other (bc in my opinion they r actually very similar) but not until either of them were dead. idk does this make sense? i just thought of this today so this thought isnt very refined yet i need to think abt it more

they ARE similar!!!!! i totally agree. shintaro and ayano are totally similar people. they're both Justice Seekers but are so depressed and have such horrible self worth they can't actually be proactive about things. but then they are :3

i wish we got ayano pov from hs and why she liked shintaro. I've always thought ayano's crush on him is...cute!!! because she's literally going thru the horrors, her mom died, her dad is being Strange, and she has to take care of the house and her siblings all alone PLUS later learning of all the horrible stuff about the daze and clearing. and yet. she's also a normal hs girl who has a silly crush on her classmate. not that we ever saw it but i definitely think ayano got to see at least once the shintaro we see who fights for good and doesn't let fear get to him like when he yells at the fucking terrorists or acts all cool when they face clearing in the novels. i think ayano got to see shintaro being Heroic or whatever and she was like THIS is the kind of guy we need to be recruiting in the mekakushi dan🔥🔥🔥 like seriously im delusional abt this but i think there should be a shinaya backstory abt this.

man i wish we saw more hs shinaya😭😭😭😭😭 im so mad that they only ever show shintaro being a fucking asshole lord in hs like im not rooting for you bitch FAST FORWARD NOW but the fact ayano knows shintaro likes music and shoujo manga etcetc its clear ayano and shintaro had normal ass conversations all the time. SHOW THEM TO MEEEEEE whatever. i dont even care <- cares

anyways i just wanted to say i think ayano does Kind of understand shintaro. i also wish we saw ayano think of shintaro in the entire conjecture with clearing eyes killing haruka and takane and her sacrificing herself for them and the mekatrio. Go listen to full disclosure from steven universe and you will understand my ayano vision for this. sorry that was weird. i think ayano wanted to keep shintaro as uninvolved as possible, haruka and takane were inevitably already in it. she just wanted to make sure to take them Out of it but shintaro.. i think ayano always had the feeling shintaro would get involved. i think ayano gravitates towards shintaro because she needed help and she needed a hero and deep down she knew this was him. but she never manages to properly reach out or even understand it i guess. but i think ayano did understand shintaro maybe even more he understood himself. on the other hand shintaro DID NOT understand ayano AT ALL but like you said, he could have. who knows how things had gone if shintaro had walked in when he saw ayano crying in the classroom!!! imagine ayano managing to pour her heart out and tell him what's gonna happen to their friends and her family. he would've helped. shintaro would've done something. but ayano wouldn't want him to bc he would get hurt but at the same time she WOULD want him to because she's so scared and alone and desperate for help *holds head *

also i always make myself insane abt shintaro and ayano being depressed legends who wanna die. while haruka and takane struggle with health problems and want to Live So Badly. sorry for bringing up harutaka Hi its me tumblr user yuukei yikes vinnie i will ALWAYS make it about harutaka. i just wanted to say that. shinaya who wanna die and tragedy arises from never meeting in the middle and not being able to understand each other vs harutaka who wanna live more than anything and tragedy arises from being forcibly separated.

ayano's words to takane when she's projecting so hard. there are times you want to tell someone something but you wind up being too late. ayano was never gonna say anything to shintaro because she didnt Want to. she knew what she was going to the roof for. while takane immediately makes a run for it to say something to haruka, she is just too late and has no control over her fate. whatever im normal!

[rphelperblog]

City of Ashes Book Quote Rp Meme

Second book in the Mortal Instruments series from Cassandra Clare- feel free to edit quotes or change pronouns

Usually I'm remarkably good-natured. Try me on any day that doesn't end in y.” 

“Everything changes in my life, and the world stays the same.” 

When you love someone, you don't have a choice. Love takes your choices away.”

"If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I'm not sure the rest of you qualify anyway.” 

"You are mortal; you age; you die, If that is not hell, pray tell me, what is?” 

“I never date anyone my cat doesn’t like,” 

“He had become a monster. You just couldn't see it...because it wore the face of a friend.” 

“Growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you could change “

“If you really love something, you never try to keep it the way it is forever. You have to let it be free to change.” 

“I don't want to be a man, I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead."

“I've heard the word 'fear'. I simply choose to believe it doesn't apply to me.” 

“But if you can't tell the truth to the people you care about the most, eventually you stop being able to tell the truth to yourself.” 

“You know how the bonds of family are, my lady... They cling as tightly as vines. And sometimes, like vines, they cling tightly enough to kill.” 

“I love round tables. They suit me so much better than a square."

"Have you checked? I could kick him if you want.” 

“Pain is only what you allow it to be” 

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” 

"I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt.” 

"So you're just that friendly with everybody, is that it?” 

"It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.” 

"Does he normally just lie on the floor like that without moving?” 

"You want to kiss me, don’t you?” 

"You can't wait for perfect behavior from everyone. Adults screw up too. Go back to the home and talk to her rationally. Be a man."

"I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year."

"So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means.” 

“No, I'm just a very naughty boy. I do all sorts of bad things. I kick kittens. I make rude gestures at nuns.” 

“Is standing by the window muttering about blood something he does all the time?" 

“It looks to me like you‘re using a wall to prop you up. that’s not my definition of ‘standing.’”

“I didn't say he was dating you, but funny that you knew just what I meant, isn't it?"

"I didn't betray you, idiot."

“Somebody's girlfriend, Somebody's sister, somebody's daughter. All these things I never knew I was before, and I still don't really know what I am.” 

“It was like a bad movie except he didn’t actually twirl his mustache.”

“I was alive when the Dead Sea was just a lake that was feeling a little poorly.” 

“Is he really waking us up at this ungodly hour just to prove his love to you or something? Couldn’t he have called? mundane men are such twits.”

you live in my head all the time”

“Pain is only what you allow it to be” 

“Fate is never fair. You are caught in a current much stronger than you are; struggle against it and you'll drown not just yourself but those who try to save you. Swim with it. and you'll survive” 

“I can only assume that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own.” 

He'd pick a fight with a Mack truck if the urge took him.”

"If I made a joke about just dropping in, would you write me off as a cliché?” 

"He's terrified I'll tell everyone that he's always wanted to be a ballerina.” 

“You might want to lie down, I find that it helps when the crushing sense of horrible realization sets in.” 

"Mostly extinct is NOT EXTINCT ENOUGH."

you don't really get to choose your insulting nickname.”

"Sometimes he sits on the couch and does it.” 

"I know. Everytime you almost die, I almost die myself.” 

“There's no need to clarify my finger snap, the implication was clear in the snap itself.” 

"He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons, Ignore him.”

“I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for him. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?” 

"Why would I have a spider? Do I look like someone who would collect them?"

"You mean father. I despise this modern habit of calling one's parents by their names."

“I'm not sure there's such thing a thing as a normal life.” 

“They confused beauty with innocence and harmlessness.” 

"What I want to call you is a hell of a lot more unprintable than your name."

“Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you.” 

Desire is not always lessened by disgust…And as my words bind my magic, so you can know the truth. If she doesn’t desire your kiss, she won’t be free.”

'I thought you could use the rest. Besides, you were sleeping like the dead. You even drooled,'On my shirt.'

"Honestly if you don't start utilizing a bit of your natural feminine superiority, I just don't know what I'll do with you.” 

“You live in my head all the time."

“The next thing I knew I was listening to five people shouting. What was that all about, anyway?” 

“I keep thinking about blood, I dream about it. Wake up thinking about it. Pretty soon I'll be writing morbid emo poetry about it.” 

“Desire is not always lessened by disgust. Nor can it be bestowed, like a favor, to those most deserving of it. And as my words bind my magic, so you can know the truth. If she doesn’t desire his kiss, she won’t be free.”

“He'd felt like a jack-o-lantern for the past few days, as if his guts had been yanked out with a fork and dumped in a heap while a grinning smile stayed plastered on his face.” 

"But you can pretend I did if it makes you feel better. So, first order of business is what?” 

Because I foresee many romantic picnics in our future. You, drinking a virgin pina colada. Me, drinking the blood of a virgin.” 

“Only mundanes say they're sorry when what they mean is "I share your grief,

“Because you’re lying to me. And you’re lying to yourself.”

“Don’t be with him, don’t want him, don’t go with him. Be with me. Want me. Stay with me. I don’t know how to be without you.” 

“Sometimes you don't have to search out danger, sometimes danger finds you” 

“Why does it take girls so long to shower?”

“Why should I tell you everything about how I feel when you never tell me anything? It's like banging my head on a wall, except at least if I were banging my head on a wall, I'd be able to make myself stop. “

"You always make me feel so welcome.” 

“You are mortal. You age, you die. If that is not hell, pray tell me, what is?” 

“I’m not unsympathetic. But do you like me? Because this being gay business doesn’t mean you can just throw yourself at any guy and it’ll be fine because he’s not a girl. There are still people you like and people you don’t.” 

“When I was a little kid, I realized that if you say any word over and over fast enough, it loses all its meaning.” 

“People fell in love, and lost, and moved on. He didn’t know why he couldn’t. He didn’t know why he didn’t even want to. All he knew was that whatever he had to owe to Hell or Heaven for this chance, he was going to make it count.” 

“You have to give everyone ugly motives for everything they do, because ugly motives are all you understand.” 

“Hate is nothing when weighed against survival.”

"And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour.”

“There's nothing wild about me. I'm a solid middle-aged man."

"Except that once a month you turn into a wolf and go tearing around slaughtering things," 

"It could be worse,men my age have been known to purchase expensive sports cars and sleep with supermodels.” 

“To draw something is to try to capture it FOREVER, if you really love something, you never try to keep it the way it is forever. You have to let it be free to change” 

“What you're blaming yourself for is being who you are. And that's no one's fault and nothing you can change.” 

“I've screwed everything up royally. I remember you saying that growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you could change.” 

“He will get through this, even if he thinks he won't.” 

“Well, I hate to tell you this, but your friend is an asshole."

n that blond head of yours to find out the truth, I suggest you cool your temper. And I know just where you can do that best.”

“What they had between them was still as fragile as flickering candle flame, as delicate as eggshell - and he knew that if it shattered, if he somehow let it break and be destroyed, something inside him would shatter too, something that could never be fixed.” 

“Not himself, who was more of a cross between a panther and a demented elf.” 

“We seem to be trapped in an episode of One Life to Waste,”

“I can't believe you know someone named Freaky Pete,

“Don't you hate it? Not ever saying how you really feel?” 

[lyon-amore]

The half of me Epilogue

Chapter 33

Since the two culprits in Daliah's murder were dead, the case was finally closed. They had no one to question except Jane and me, with our testimonies. It was assumed that Grace and Daliah must have met after filming some scenes and, with that excuse of talking, Grace set a trap for Daliah in which Ralph was also involved, being him the one who murdered her, while Grace recorded everything to continue with the plan to torture me. Jane's explanation to the police was that while Ralph was busy with me trying to kill me, she tried to defend herself against Grace, kicking her, making her throw the knife into the van and from there, drag it into her hands to untie herself. The rest is that they fought each other until they managed to kill Grace and then she went after Ralph, catching him off guard. I know they doubted that story, but it was what she could say to avoid saying that Jake was there to help her. And more so because they found traces of a still unidentified motorcycle. So, there was only the case of Irma Roth and her accusations that she drugged Daliah and me, the accusation being a crime of passion, because she said that her husband and Dalilah had an affair, something that thanks to Daliah's diary it was proven that they didn’t have an affair, thereby causing Mr. Serrano to divorce Mrs. Roth, not helping her in her defense. He wanted nothing to do with this woman after having committed such a horrible crime. Ironic coming from him right? And he thought he was going to get away with his crimes? In the end Carter decided to speak to the police about Serrano's second job, which got him arrested as well. A family of criminals is how I see them. Of course, I eventually had to give Daliah's computer to the police, but not before I had printed something important that certain people needed to read. My sister had written very well about each of my friends, feeling happy to have met them. I want them to read that little piece that she left me, I'm sure it will make them happy.

I've spent a few weeks at my parents' house until things have calmed down and I'm finally going to Duskwood tomorrow, so it's time to go home to pack. I get ready a bit and go downstairs to go to the kitchen. I see my mother sitting in the dining room, with a cup of coffee. So I change direction, to go towards her.    “Well, I’m leaving mom” I say kissing her hair “, I have to pack my suitcase.”     I adjust my bag and walk away, but her words stop me.    “I knew Janis Krebs.”     I freeze in the dining room, then turn and look at her.    “What are you saying?”     My mother sighs and moves the chair next to her for me to sit. I walk over and place the bag on the back, sitting in the chair.    “It was summer and all my friends always went to Mount lake, including Janis Krebs” she begins to narrate, with a calm voice “. One year, he came with his little brother, he had to take care of him. He would be six years old” I take a deep breath in fear, crossing my arms in front of me, shielding myself “. He left us in his care for a moment while he went to get some drinks that we had forgotten to buy, so we started joking with the child.”    “Joking?” I ask confused "What do you mean joking?"     She swallows, her lip trembling.    “We passed around his favorite toy, trying to get him to take it” I bite the inside of my lip, controlling myself and preparing myself for the worst “, so, as a joke, we threw the toy into the lake and encouraged him to go look for it-“    "You killed a child?" I ask incredulous of what she was hearing.    "I know how it sounds, but it wasn't like that, honey" she reaches for my hand and I pull it away, angry with her ", it was an accident."    “An accident that caused the creation of a monster.” I say harshly, clenching my fists “You pissed off Krebs to the point where he decided to take revenge for what you did!”    "He and his family moved after what happened. How did you want us to know years later that he was the one who was killing our children?"    “I don't know, perhaps because the children who died were the children of those who caused the death of their brother?” I raise my voice, banging on the table “And dad is also involved in that murder?”    "No, he wasn't in the group yet when it happened" responds by rubbing her hands “and don't say it that way, MC, it looks like we killed someone, it was an accident.”    “But that's how I see it.” I get up from the chair furious. Not that I feel sorry for Krebs now, of course, I just want to go. She's the spark that got my sister killed. Or at least one of those people.    "MC, wait!" I hear her call my name and drag herself out of the chair, but I don't stop.     I reach the door and my mother stops me, placing her hands on my cheeks. Crying.    “I'm so sorry, darling, I know that you and Daliah have suffered a lot because of me” she caresses my hair, placing her hands on my shoulders “. Please, don't hate me, I'm not to blame for what happened to those children or to Daliah, nor for the fact that that child died, we were just playing, we weren't doing anything wrong.”     I stare at her, not knowing exactly what to say. Or so I believed. I lower her hands, pulling away from her.    “I think I have decided” I tell her with a neutral voice, without any emotion “. When the whole Irma Roth trial is over, I'm leaving Rosenschwarz forever-“    "No, please, MC, don't leave me too." she tries to hug me, but I push her away.     I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. My emotions right now are all confused, I love my mother, but I don't know what to think about what she has told me. I know that people change over the years, that they mature, but I can't see her now as the loving mother I had after what she told me.    "I don’t leave you, mom" I try to answer as calmly as possible “, I just want to go my own way, away from here” I place my hand on the knob, opening the door.    “No, MC, wait, please, don't go” my mother tries to stop me, but I break away “Forgive me! Please!”     I stop in the middle of the porch, letting out a sigh. I turn and look into her eyes.    "It's not with me that you should apologize, but with Daliah" I answer harshly ", and I hope that one day you can forgive yourself for everything you put her through."     My mother falls to her knees, crying. I avoid looking at her so it wouldn’t hurt me. I know, she's my mother, but I can't think straight now about how I feel about her now. The protective figure of my mother has vanished and I don't know when she will return. But for now, I will decide what I finally want to do: Break the glass that I created by closing myself in.

When I got home, the first thing I do is put my new phone card in Daliah's, taking photos that weren't there on the computer. At the moment I have not changed the lock screen background, I haven’t found something appropriate or that inspires me, but the wallpaper at least I will leave it. After all, my family is in it. My friends. I put the first phone number in contacts. Well, rather, a special chat. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC Hi Jake, here I am again after a long time with a new phone number 😊 I just wanted to add you the first one, I'm going to pack my suitcase

------Nym-0s has connected-----

Nym-0s Hello MC. Such an honor to be the first :)

MC Hello 😊 Of course, it’s the only number I know from memory Although I am ashamed to say it…

Nym-0s Ha ha. The girl who makes songs does not know the numbers of her friends from memory.

MC Oh, don't make me feel worse 😮‍💨

Nym-0s ;) And what is that to pack the suitcase?

MC Yes, I’m going to Duskwood for a few weeks before I prepare everything for the Roth trial I need to get away from Rosenschwarz for a bit

Nym-0s I understand. What time will you leave?

MC I guess I’ll go to the station early The sooner it is, the better Why do you want to know?

Nym-0s To calculate when you arrive at Duskwood.

MC Hmm... That's a bit scary...

Nym-0s It would not be good if you get into another case without wanting to, don't you think?

MC I hope so, I need some peace 😩 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And I hope not, I’ve had enough. This is the last one I will do. The investigations are over for me. I see that Jake calls me and I accept it.    “What's up?” I ask worried.    “I just could not stand not hearing the sound of your voice again.”     I smile noticing my cheeks burn. I can't deny that I missed him too. And it is then that I remember the conversation this morning with my mother and I understand that I cannot keep it to myself, I need her support.    “I can tell you something”? I ask thinking maybe I'm breaking the mood.    "Sure, what is wrong?"     I tell him everything that happened, leaving nothing. Little by little I'm feeling better and I hear Jake telling me to keep going when I stop sometimes, thinking that I'm boring him or that it wasn't something he expected to hear now that we're on the phone.    "Do you think you will be able to talk to her again?" she asks me in a concerned tone.    “For now I need to get away from her” I finish packing my suitcase and lie down on the bed, looking at the ceiling “, I don't know what to think now.”    "I understand" his voice sounds calm, I like it ", after all, if she had told you earlier, we would have understood this whole thing much better."    "I guess in time I'll forget about it." I reply with a grimace.    "She is your mother after all" he says and I hear a soft laugh ", she is always going to be there for whatever you need."    “Yes, but for now we both need some time to think about what has happened” I let out a sigh, determined to change the subject “And how are you doing fixing the building?”    "Luckily I am more focused now than before and Rudy has told me that I am always welcome if I ever need to hide somewhere."    “She won’t get in trouble if you do that?”    “According to her, she is used to problems.”     I laugh at the way he said it, it sounds funny.

We continue talking until nightfall, about everything that has happened with the Rosenschwarz group. Although Jake doesn't admit it, his questions make him curious about everything I explain. And he's even fine with the idea of ​​Jane and Carter taking time off after what he did. When I tell him that Jane asked me if he had a twin brother, he laughed and replied:    “Who knows? You already know that I still keep many secrets so as not to expose my life from before.”     He really knows how to keep me in suspense. Then he shared a screen with me, saying he had a moment to relax and we watched a movie. By the time it was my turn to sleep to wake up early, I left the phone next to it, with a smile.    “Goodnight Jake” I say as I pull the blanket around me, closing my eyes “, I had a good time today, thanks for cheering me up.”    "Thank you for making me forget about my problems for a few hours" I look at my phone, smiling affectionately “. Good night, love.”     I sigh beginning to fall asleep, without erasing the smile. It feels amazing when you don’t have a heavy load with you.

When I got up to get dressed and have breakfast, I saw that the call was gone. This time he didn't stay on call all the time. Better, I don't want to be a burden either, he has things to do.

Arriving at the station, I wait for the train. I'm nervous, I don't know why, it's just going to Duskwood as usual. The warning sounds that the train is about to arrive, my heart beats fast. I think part of me knows that the next time I come here, it will be to leave forever.    "Were you leaving without saying goodbye to us?" I hear behind me.     When I turn around, I see Mason, Seo-ah, Carter, and Jane walking towards me. I smile when I see them, and then hug them, surprised.    “Aren't you shooting the short?” I ask confused.    “We've all been talking about it” Carter says, looking at the group and then back at me, “, we've decided not to finish it, so we have to find another topic in the little time we have.”    “We did it for Daliah.” Seo-ah continues, and I watch Mason take her hand.    “Thank you very much” I smile at them, happy to hear their words “, it means a lot to me.”    “Even if you want you can participate” Mason tells me with a laugh “Would you participate in a horror short that is musical?”     I let out a laugh, but shake my head.    “I'll continue to stay behind the cameras.” I say, and he rolls his eyes.    “Will you return?” Jane asks me and I watch her and Carter's hands control each other by holding onto them. I think they will be back soon.    "Yes, I'll have things to do." I turn my head as soon as I hear the train approaching and I look at them “. Well it's here...”    "Let us know when you're back." Seo-ah hugs me and I remember then that I don't have their numbers.    "Oh wait, give me your numbers." I pull out my phone, preparing to add contacts.    "I'll start." Mason says.     The train stops opening the doors, while I continue writing down the numbers. I still have time yet.    "Ah!” I look up when I hear Jane scream and see Seo-ah's face as if she's seen a ghost.    “What's wrong?” I ask worried.    "Jane?" Carter calls her, placing a hand on her shoulder, making her react "Are you okay?"    "I…" shee looks at me and then at Seo-ah and back at me "YES! Perfectly!”     Mason looks at me, raising an eyebrow, and I shrug, not understanding anything. I finish writing down the numbers and they hug me again to say goodbye.    “Take care while you're there.” Mason tells me, waving goodbye.     Carter hugs me and I feel less tense. That's when he whispers something to me that makes me happy.    "Thank you for your advice" I understand what you mean ", I'll do everything possible to take care of my brothers."    "I hope so." I reply, pulling away slowly.     He smiles at me and signals to the girls, who come up to me in a big hug.    “Do everything I wouldn't do.” Jane whispers to me, and I hear a teasing tone in her voice.    “What?” I ask separating myself from them.    “Have a good vacation!” Seo-ah nudges Jane "You deserve it."    "Thank you." I smile, releasing charged air on my chest.     Yes I need them. Get away from everything. I then go to the train, while Carter helps me with the suitcase. Once inside, I look at the four of them. I had a totally different image of them and now, I can already say that they have become my friends.

The warning that the doors are going to close begins to sound and I leave the suitcase in the cargo area. I see that the train is empty, except for one person sleeping. It's still early for it to get crowded, that's why I chose to come at this time, to be alone. I try not to make noise and sit next to the window, taking out my phone. I put my headphones on and watch a video of the ones Daliah had. I've been watching them on repeat since I got the phone, it makes me laugh. We are the whole group together, having fun at the Aurora bar. Though I see her zoom out the window, taking in the street, Thomas and Hannah, in one of their quiet moments.    "Now is when he puts his hand on her shoulder and looks at her with those loving eyes." Daliah says and I see that Thomas does what she says "I never fail!" You're predictable Thomas Change tactics!”     I let out a laugh and the focus shifts to Dan, Jessy, and I at a table, chatting. Cleo was coming over later, because she didn't want to step foot in the bar.    “Hello, hello” Daliah says in a singsong voice, “Here we have the future couple!” she says zooming in on Dan and Jessy, which she rolls her eyes at and he's bothered by the recording. If it wasn't because he recorded himself, he wasn't interested “And the great MC!”     Instead of zooming in, she puts the phone up to my face and I push her away with a laugh. Which makes me actually laugh at her response.    “Boring.” I watch as I stick my tongue out at her, because she did it to me.     She records the surroundings covertly, to later focus on Phil. He is talking to a girl, or rather, flirting.    "I'm sorry Phil, but she's not going fall," she says in a whisper, to focus herself “, I have warned her about you, someone has to stop you sometime or you will end up being chased with torches by all the women of Duskwood, but Ssssh” she makes the hush gesture with her hand "you'll never know it was me."     I roll my eyes. Of course, since she really wasn't in love with him, she used her manipulation tricks for something else: Keeping all the girls away because she really interested in him.    “What are you recording?’ I ask in the background.    “Nothing” Daliah focuses on us and laughs “, I was just filming the bar.”    "You're going to bother the customers, sit down now." I replied without much interest, while Jessy laughed. I think maybe she had noticed.     I guess that's what happens when you've never noticed the signs. I laugh again as she focuses one last time on Phil. It was truly unbelievable that she actually did. I move on to another video and it's from the same night at Cleo's house, at a dinner. We laughed, we said nonsense... Daliah then focuses, with a mischievous smile.    "You know who's going to pick up all this later, right?" she asks as if signaling that she's not going to do it.    "You'll all help me." Cleo replies, appearing on camera.    “Of course!” Cleo shoots her a look and walks off, then Daliah shakes her head that she wouldn't.     I laugh again, amused to see the scene.    "You are too scandalous, you know that? You just woke me up.” a shiver runs through me when I hear the voice. I hadn't realized that they had removed the earpiece.     I turn and find myself face to face with Jake. Although he is wearing a mask, I can see from his eyes that he is smiling.    “What are you doing here?” I ask between surprise, happiness and concern.    "I am going to Duskwood" he gets up from his seat and sits next to me “, with you.”     I open my mouth to say something, but close it quickly, giving him a look.    "Couldn't you go from the Colville stop?" I ask him worried "The FBI is still in Evergreed." I whisper, looking at the next stop.    “Do not worry, is all fine.”    "You risk it again." I cross my arms, angry with him.    "And I am glad to see you, love.”     I roll my eyes, relaxing. He takes my hand and caresses my cheek. I notice how my cheeks are starting to feel hot. I said I was going to change, but this is beyond me. He will always make me nervous for everything he does with me.    "Glad to see you, too." I admit with a sigh.      We arrive at Evergreed and I start to get nervous when I see that an agent is about to go upstairs to inspect. I look into his eyes, he winks at me, what will he have done this time? I see Rocco appear and he approaches, flirting. The agent then stops from his duties and I see how Rocco looks at us with a smile. Finally the doors close and I lean back, breathing in and out deeply.    "You played with the luck, Jake." I frown at him angrily.     Jake does the same, leaning back in the seat, still not lowering his mask.    "I know, sorry" he tells me clearly feeling guilty ", last time I do it."     I bite the inside of my cheek, not taking it anymore. I hug him tightly and he reciprocates me. His scent comforts me, it's like he feels more at home than my own. I separate myself looking into his eyes, I almost find it hard to breathe. I swallow hard and then blurt out my question, a little nervous.    "Can you... can you kiss me?"     Jake lowers his mask slowly, placing his hand behind my neck, pulling me closer to him.    “My pleasure.” he whispers against my lips, and I tremble.     I receive a kiss very carefully, but unlike last time, I don't push it away. I feel much better and I had been dreaming of kissing him again for a long time. I place my hands on his shoulders, squeezing hard. I was deprived of this feeling that now I need it. Him. I pull away for air and see how he smiles.    "You really missed me, MC." he tells me, making me blush.     I hide my face in his jacket and he laughs, stroking my hair. But I keep smiling.    "I need to ask you a favor" I listen to him then nervously and look up to see him ", I am not only going to Duskwood for you, but also because Lilly asked me to."    “Something has happened?”     Jake takes a breath, running a hand over his neck. Uncomfortable.    “She wants to see me”his voice shakes a little “, and also for me to see Hannah.”    “And you want me to come with you to the meeting.” I say, cocking my head.    “If it is possible.”    "Of course I do" I take his hand, squeezing it lovingly, but he does it hard. I lean back a bit in the seat, placing my head on his chest ". Don't worry, it'll be fine."     Jake kisses my head, stroking my hair. I know that everything will be fine. I trust it.

We're supposed to go to Schwarzwasser Lake to meet them. Luckily I'm not terrified of being around, I'm not afraid. But the one who seems to have it is Jake, who's holding my hand so hard it looks like he's going to break it. We had gone after leaving our bags in the motel room, and he has not stopped shaking. I had never seen him so nervous. When Lilly sees me and sees that I’m with a boy, she begins to understand who he is even though they’ve never met.    "You..." she starts to say, putting a hand to her mouth, "My God... are you..."    “Yes” Jake says sheepishly “, I am Jake.”     Lilly keeps her distance not knowing what to do either. It's like that moment in the chat, when they were nervous. Slowly, she approaches him, hugging him. Jake hugs her back as well, beginning to relax. Then they slowly separate. Lilly's eyes are red from crying.    “And Hannah?” Jake asks.    "In the car" her sister glances back, where we see Hannah sitting in the passenger seat “, I told her to come over, but she wants to talk to you alone.”    “Alright” Jake exhales and looks at us “. Then leave us a minute.”    “Sure.” I reply, watching him slowly approach.     Lilly stands next to me, watching as well. Hannah gets out of the car slowly, moving closer to Jake at her own pace. When they are in front of each other, at first they don't talk, they just look at each other. Hanna reaches for her hand to his face, but pulls back. They start talking and I watch the conversation flow.    "Do you think she's going to take it well?" I ask doubtfully, knowing that Hannah in the past had feelings for Jake.     Hannah puts her hands to her face and I can see how she shakes. In the end, she ends up hugging Jake tight.    “Apparently so.” Lilly replies, with a smile.    “Lilly! MC! come near!” Hannah exclaims, not letting go of Jake's arm.     We let out a laugh and began to get closer, paying attention.

The four of us spend the day alone on the lake, listening to how Hannah feels and what she wants to do. It is very clear to her and even more so after what has happened to me. She doesn't want to keep leaving things behind, she wants to face what she did. Lilly still thinks it's a bad idea, but accepts her decision, Jake just nodded, telling her that he understands her position and will support her even from afar. I feel like an outsider right now, watching them spend some sibling moment. Maybe I should have gone. Hannah then looks at me and then looks at Jake, smiling.    “You are together?” she asks us.     I feel my cheeks burn at that question. Jake takes my hand, caressing it lovingly.    "Could be said so" I answer shyly ", if you don't mind."    “If I don’ mind?” Hannah shakes her head and hugs us "I'm glad to know he's not alone."     Jake and I looked at each other and smiled, returning Hannah’s hug. Lilly joins us, with a laugh.

After the meeting, we stayed a little longer in the lake, watching the movement of the water. I take a breath with a smile, not letting go of Jake’s hand.    “They found out it was not an employee who sent Roth's video.” Jake says, breaking the silence.     I look at him with fear then.    “What do you mean by that?”     Jake takes a deep breath, looking into my eyes.    “They suspect that it was me, knowing that we have a connection and that the case revolved around you.”     I bite the inside of my cheek hard, shaking my head.    “Does that mean you're going to have to leave the apartment?” I ask confused "You said it was safe!"    "And it is" He places his hands on my cheeks, caressing himself carefully “. It will just be a while until things calm down, then I will be right back.”     I nod trying to understand. Well, I have to understand, after all, I'm dating a “criminal” right? I look into his eyes with a smile, Jake has never broken his promises. In the end he came back right?    "Will you miss me when we're not together?" I ask despite knowing the answer. I have known it for a long time.    “I have not left yet and I am already do it, love” he says, whispering against my lips “. I love you MC, I promise you will not lose me again.”    "I love you too, Jake" I answer biting my lip "and I know I'll never lose you, you're already part of me."     He lets out a small laugh, kissing my forehead. I give him a small kiss that ends up becoming a long one, noticing his hand on my waist. I didn't want to part with him, but I understood. I trust that he will return.

Not only after that day he gave me one of the best days, but also one of the best nights. He left every trace of his on my body, I think it even made me forget who I was. And even if it didn't see it, I have his name tattooed all over my body. There is no one else in my life but him. And there never will be.

It was hard saying goodbye to him, watching him get on that train heading the other way from Colville. But that's how our lives are and we have to live this way. I then decide to set out on my mission. I carry a printed part of Daliah's diary in my bag, ready to give it to him. I walk into the Aurora and see Phil cleaning the bar counter. As soon as he sees me, he nods in greeting.    “Are you ever going to be in the crosshairs of the police?” he asks me in a mocking tone "Good girls shouldn't get into trouble, you know that?"    "If it worries you so much, there won't be any more cases" I answer, approaching, taking out the folder “. I've come to give you this, I think you need to read it.”    “What is it?” he asks, lowering her sunglasses a bit.    "I want you to know that Daliah was actually the only person who really appreciated you" I say while adjusting my bag “, I think that you better than anyone will understand what she wanted to say about you” I tighten the strap tightly “. Well, that's it, I'm leaving.”    "Wait a moment, MC" he stops me and looks at me, then nods “. I'm glad Daliah's killers are dead” he puts the glasses on his head, moving the folder around as he talks “. I'm going to miss her a lot, I liked her better than the whole town.”    "I know" I smile fondly at him “. See you around here then.”    "You're invited to a free drink anytime." he winks at me and I roll my eyes.    "Bye Phil."     I walk away and when I get to the door, I turn to see him. He has started to read the sheet, he has even sat down. I see his smile as he reads her words. Proud, I leave the bar, hoping that it has been of some use to start leaving a legacy of her in all the people she loved.

Four months have passed since everything that happened. Irma Roth's trial went even faster than I expected, all her employees testified against her, although she also pleaded guilty, but because she had no other way out. She had lost everything. She said it while glaring at me, but I didn't care. I stood my ground the whole time, not showing myself weak.

Now I live in Duskwood, working in a small music academy, teaching children to play the guitar. Every Friday we get together to make a dinner, remembering the good times and the bad, also supporting Hannah, in her upcoming trial. We will be with her no matter what, despite the fact that it is a tough situation, we have all accepted her decision. It's funny, I had never thought about living here, with a group of friends who love me just the way I am, who have supported me through all the bad times. Daliah, if you were still here, you'd probably still be pretending to like Dan's memes, eating Cleo's delicious food, listen to the dark stories that Jessy writes, talk to Lilly about the latest vlogging trends and come up with an idea together, having to listen to Thomas's slightly geeky conversations and nod as if you understand him, braid Hannah’s hair when she was feeling down and you listened to her. You should have seen them argue over who was your favorite when they read what you wrote about them, it was… Like that video of the rats fighting! Is the comparison a little weird? It was too much fun to see them talking about their qualities as friends.

Jake and I have been texting and talking on the phone like I've never done in my life. Once I didn't even realize it was dawn, I had spent the whole night talking to him! Can you believe it? I ended up falling asleep a bit in class and my students laughed. I made them promise not to say anything. I blamed him because he's capable of staying up all night, but I'm not.

About Phil… Well, he's kind of business as usual, but I think he's a lot less flirtatious than I expected. Or rather, he behaves differently towards girls. I think he liked knowing that you saw something good in him… Although I don't know exactly. I don't even know what happened, what happened to him for wanting to talk to Jessy in private and it seems that they are siblings again? Perhaps your death made him understand that family must be valued because we never know when it's time to say goodbye. Seriously, did you get that deep into him? And then you say that I was the amazing one.

I'm still talking to the Rosenschwarz group. Mason and Seo-ah are officially together, you should see the photos they have from their profiles, they are from those shared photos. And I'm sure their wallpapers must be the same too. In a certain part, they are a little worried about how some people look at them, but they try not to let it affect them too much. When Mason's mother found out, Seo-ah told me that she asked her a lot of questions, but not the uncomfortable ones, but asking about her life, knowing if she has been well with her father. So, after telling her the truth, they denounced his father for mistreatment for years and now, Mason's mother has decided to make a documentary interviewing transgender people in order to raise money to help them. Mason tells me that unlike him, she's angry about what he did to her classmates. So she treats Seo-ah more like her own daughter than him. But he laughed when he told me, so the situation must not be that bad, because she has put him to work bringing materials to her films, so he can earn yourself some money if he want to make his own short cleanly. They are a united family.

Carter and Jane… At the moment, they are not together yet. I thought they would, but no. Still, Jane helps Carter because she's still fond of him after years of being together and knows all the good he does for her brothers. So, her father found him a job in a store with a lifetime contract. Which quite possibly if he continues to work well, he may get promoted. I have faith in him, because if it's for his brothers, I'm sure he'll continue to make an effort. Sometimes they both confess to me that they miss each other, that they want to be together, but Carter knows that he has hurt Jane a lot and Jane is not ready to go back to him yet. I think the time spent being friends will make them better in their relationship again, I'm confident of that at least.

Dad still works in real estate, he was the one who even helped me find an apartment in Duskwood because the company he runs in Rosenschwarz, It's also in Duskwood, so they talked to each other and got me a little apartment, near Jessy's. You could say that we are neighbors. Dad was happy when I told him I wanted to leave Rosenschwarz, supporting me in my decision to find my own life away from town. He said I needed it, because he knows my friends live here and that would make me much happier. About the relationship with mom, it’s still a bit cold. From time to time we talk to each other, to find out how we are doing, how the store is running or how I am teaching. I'm still waiting for her to tell dad the truth, though. Perhaps she is afraid that he will divorce her if he knows that it was all her fault. But if it does happen, at least I'd be proud of her for having the courage to do it. I just want her to get rid of that guilt that she has inside.

I guess for now, things are flowing pretty well.. Life in Duskwood is a bit like Rosenschwarz, people like to gossip, but is there a town that doesn't? The only difference is that here I have the people I've loved the most in the world, so it doesn't bother me. Oh! And yesterday I went to leave a bouquet of flowers in the cabin where Richy showed me by video call. Even though he did horrible things, I think I can't help but think of him and our good times we had. Were they true? were they fake? I don't know, I just know that they were important to me.

I’m preparing the garden table for dinner. There's a barbecue tonight. I hear the notification sound and see that it's Jake. I smile when I see that it has his name in the Nymos chat. He could have improved it. But what he sends me is what surprises me the most. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jake Do not be mad at me, alright? [Nicolas Amstrong.PDF] It is your nephew's adoption file. I know, you did not want me to get in any more trouble, but I thought you wanted to know about him when I read the files. Now it is your decision to choose whether to talk to his parents or not.

MC Jake, this is it! I don’t know what to say!

Jake Do not say anything, just think about it. Whatever you choose, I will agree with you. Although maybe not Mike, who is the one that has cost him money. ;)

MC Oops, so I can't refuse to take a look in the archive 🤭  But I’ll have to think it over They will ask a lot of questions

Jake Tell them you are a professional investigator. I am sure that after everything you have done, you get them to trust you :)

MC You say it like it's easy

Jake And it is. For you. It is easy to trust you when they know you well. I do :)

MC Silly… ❤️  Thank you for this

Jake You are welcome, love. Enjoy dinner with your friends.

MC Thank you And… I miss you

Jake Me too. But do not worry, we will see each other again soon. I promise you.

MC I know See you tomorrow jake 😊 

Jake See you tomorrow, MC. :)

-----Jake has disconnected----- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I put the phone away with a smile. The group starts to go out into the garden and I look at them with tears in my eyes.    "MC? What happened?” Jessy asks me, running up to me.     The rest also come quickly and I dry my tears.    "Nothing bad" I reply with a laugh “, I'm just so glad I met you all and…” I take a breath and laugh nervously “Maybe I'll meet my nephew.”    “WHAT?” My friend screams in my ear and then hugs me, happy.    “That's great!” Thomas exclaims, giving my loving arm a squeeze.    "I guess we have to celebrate then." Dan begins to uncork the bottle of wine, beginning to pour us into the glasses.     Daliah, I know you wouldn't want me to meet him, but I want to, I need it. I want to at least know if he's okay or if I can be of help to him at some difficult time in his life, like we both did with each other.

Daliah…

Thank you very much for all the life we ​​have had together. Now I finally know what you wanted for me and it was this. Have a life. Friends. One Love.

Live my own life.

And I will do it intensely for both of us.

✨ The End✨ 

[unhealthytgcfobsession]

it’s not that obvious at first but there comes a point after so many people push you around in the halls, after so many people fucking step on you on purpose when you sit on the ground, after so many people yell at you to get out of the way when you’re not even in the way, that you realize everyone actually hates you.

Yeah. I’m “you” in this scenario.

And at this point I am more than aware that almost everyone at my school and almost everyone on my winter guard team would rather me be dead than be near them. I know I’m the worst. I’m autistic, I’m queer, I’m not conventionally attractive. All things they hate. And they make it very known that they hate people like me. They treat me like a disease to be eradicated or to not go near, they treat me like a pest that must be killed.

They hate me. And I hate them too, if I’m being honest. I hate everyone who has ever wronged me. That includes my entire family. Everyone at school every day who tries to harm me. My dad, who used to hit me and had made it so now I get scared whenever someone makes sudden movements around me. My mom, who tried to abandon me just because I was being “annoying” (I was having a meltdown). My sister, who hits me, throws things at me, and yells at me when my parents aren’t around. I hate all of them. Fuck whoever said hating people is wrong because I have a reason to hate these people. I can only just barely manage to pretend to like them.

Well, less about my feelings. It’s horrible at school. I’ll go into detail for this. I looked at someone and told him to shut up (they said a slur he was definitely not allowed to reclaim) and he laughed at me and asked why I was looking at him weird and made everyone laugh at me for trying to speak out. When I first came out as trans a group of girls would beat me against the fence when we were outside and shout political slogans and bible verses at me. One time a girl screamed the f slur into my ears so loud I couldn’t hear for a whole minute. Recently, they’ve started stepping on me, shoving me around everywhere, and challenging everything I say. They always either say I’m acting like a baby, that I am too sensitive, or that I should kill myself.

That last one hurts a lot, as someone who attempted suicide once.

When I do so much as walk they push me around, step on my feet, and try to trip me. One time a group of people shoved me against a table when I was walking in the cafeteria and then yelled at me for being in their way. I wasn’t.

A group of girls who I didn’t know confronted me in the bathroom and tried to tease me for being ugly. And probably for something else, too. Word travels fast around my school. There’s a whole drama TikTok account for my school and I am 100% sure that there is something about me on there. Because it’s not just people who know me who hate me. It’s everyone who sees me.

At some point I gave up fighting all this. I’m a freak or something. That’s what one of the girls who beat me against the fence said. Who knows if it’s true? The only thing I’ve gotten out of this is to trust no one and be as dramatic as possible. If I show my emotions so wildly they don’t approach me. I scream. I sob. I laugh like I’ve just heard the most funny joke in the world. I do that even if that’s not showing my actual emotions. It creates distance when it does work. Some people dislike me even more for it. Who cares? They already hate me.

Every friend I’ve ever had has left me because I’m just a magnet to hate and bullying and pain. I don’t care. Just don’t understand why they would become friends with me if they don’t like me.

I don’t care about anything about this anymore. Especially not everyone hating me.

[safrona-shadowsun]

Time/Fireworks

{ Daily Writing Challenge: Mini Mode, July 28-30, prompted by @dailywritingchallenge. }

More than a few contacts had been made at the year’s past Fire Fest, but for once, Safrona had given herself ample time to organize new names into Empyrean Import’s folders, instead of making such tasks a prime directive in her life. Time had been better spent assessing new Porters and attaching to them minor contracts, and to graduating those to an official Courier title that had proven their commitment to the business. Time was also better given to reacquainting herself with the lucrative gem trade, falling into the small obsession of the perfect cut of a gem, finding new masterworks to trade and keep to her own collections. Time was most importantly spent extending her skill in darker arts, observing the evolution of her own demons, or becoming aware of new entities and their dangerous potential.  

So it was with a renewed curiosity that she found the envelope nestled among the few fliers and menus she had collected from the vendors of Firefest, one that stuck out among the many promotional efforts - it had been addressed directly to her: Lady Safrona Shadowsun. It took her a few scattered moments to recall the hand that had given it to her: a young Sin’dorei girl beginning to bloom into a lady, waiting for her on the first day of the Festival as she stepped off the boat into Ramhaken. The daughter of a vendor, Safrona had thought at the time, perhaps sent to greet visitors and urge them to particular stalls. A girl that had no doubt been dismissed before the sinful Tarts would have performed later that evening. Wennefer had nearly ruined the day for her with the polymorph spell shortly after; that Safrona remembered all too clearly, along with developing an intense dislike for rabbits in the short amount of time she had magically become one. Thank the stars for the Kaldorei women that broke her out of the form - they should have been names she remembered better.

Exhaling at the embarrassing first day, Safrona refocused on the envelope in hand and its undiscovered missive. Even the wax seal had managed to remain unbroken, shaped into the rays of a rising sun. The folded parchment inside was thick, the handwriting upon it penned all in an elegant, flowing Thalassian. And with every word further that Safrona read, she felt her heart burn, and plummet into her stomach.

It is finally good to see you, and I hope this letter will find you well. Time has been cruel to the Dawnsinger family, and though I have been told not to seek you, that I should consider you dead to us all, I can’t help but feel different. I am in my 17th year, and I feel like I should begin to make my own decisions. And so here I go with this letter, for you. Auntie has told me a lot about you since you were lost from us. She has told us that you have lost your memory, and she helps you to remember who you were. I hope that I can help. My name is Seranas (Serra) Dawnsinger, and I am your daughter. Your son Quelios (Lio) is younger by 8 minutes - we are twins. We were born to you and our father, Queldis Dawnsinger, on the Isle of Quel’Danas, a Captain of the Farstriders. He gave his life to protect us and secure our escape on that horrible day when the Scourge came. He loved you very much.  Auntie Wenne helped you raised us in a very dark time, I know. Even when we lost you in Dalaran she tried to always be there. The rest of the family left, I don’t think they believe you are alive. Most think Auntie Wenne has went mad, and most of them consider that she has betrayed our nation by joining the Ren’dorei. To be truthful, I think Lio has accepted this as truth too. He hopes to be a Farstrider like father, and serve our people like he did. He won’t listen to me or Auntie about you. But for myself, I trust Auntie and know she has always had our best interest at heart. I will always be grateful for her in our lives, even if no one else here understands. I don’t think I fully understand what happened to you, or why you chose the Void, but I want to try if I am ever able to see you again. Time can do many things to us, but it does not change the fact that I am your daughter. I will always have a love for my mother. And, I hope one day it can be us together on Midsummer, watching the fireworks light the night sky. All my love, -Serra

Emotions collided violently beneath cool composure, and Safrona almost crumpled the letter up to shove it back into its envelope to sever herself from touching it, flinging it onto the counter top of Empyrean Star Trades. Void energies fell over her skin like an entropic veil, scarring the wooden counter with a deep, purple fissure as she sought to calm the anxious rhythm pounding in her chest.

The words written were so very sweet, and felt so very wrong.

[a-student-out-of-time]

The Price

“Everything began over two decades ago. It was the middle of the bubble economy and spirits were high. I was a young man back then, eager to finally get into the business world and make something of myself. But then, everything came crashing down.”

“I was still a banker back then, and I guess I was luckier than most. I was good with money, and it helped me get by. Even so, I knew I was part of a zombie bank. Being part of this system, I realized it was never going to help the country recover and the economy was destined to stagnate.”

“It might sound silly to you kids, but when you spend so long studying economics, seeing everything crumbling like this puts things into perspective. They weren’t willing to make the necessary changes to let the economy grow, and I knew we were headed straight for the toilet.”

“As things got worse, I lost my job. I felt like I lost my entire future; everything I’d been studying for and planning for, and what was it ever going to amount to? For years, I wound up bouncing between part-time jobs, just trying to keep a roof over my head.”

“I admit I don’t remember much about those intervening years. Everything felt like an empty gray haze.”

“And then, out of the blue...I crossed paths with someone.”

“She was very young back then, barely a middle-schooler, I think. But the way she spoke to me, about money and about how she could give me everything I needed? It...felt too good to be true. I almost didn’t believe she was real.”

“As it turned out, she was. I knew about the Otonashi Family, and I figured maybe she had some financial experience somehow. I don’t remember how it happened- maybe I was drunk or simply sleep-deprived- but she called me in the middle of the night and made me an offer. All I would have to do was swear to help her.”

“And just like that, everything changed.”

“Money, jewels, precious metals, valuables of all kind started rolling in. It was more than I ever could’ve hoped for. I had to be sure none of it was counterfeit, and sure enough, it wasn’t. Three boxes of the treasures she sent me were enough to pay off my debts. Ten boxes and I was back on my feet in no time.”

“Even with things like the Great Recession and the earthquake, I was still at the top. No matter how bad the situation, there was always something new from her. I didn’t know how or why...but then came my end of the deal.”

“She wasn’t simply doing this out of the kindness of her heart. Oh, no. In return for allowing me to regain a position in my old career, I was to provide her with a steady supply of cash. One even greater than the one she was sending me. I wish I could’ve backed out...”

____________________________________________________

Why didn’t you?

Because I handed her everything. My address, my credit card numbers, my social security, everything. She knows all of it; it was the only way I could get money from her.

You gave all that out to a stranger?

I was drunk, depressed, living with debts I couldn’t pay back. I was desperate for any sort of solution, and she was the only one who would help me. And listening to her...she was all too convincing. I bought into it, and by the time I realized how deep I was...it was too late.

Do you know where she was getting all the money and treasures she was sending you?

When I pressed her on it, she was surprisingly honest. It was loot.

_______________________________________________

“I don’t know their name, but she told me that she had someone overseas who was collecting these treasures. Someone who was picking them off of dead bodies or looting ruined buildings, and sending them all back to me. Blood diamonds, stolen treasure...I almost wish it was counterfeits instead.”

_______________________________________________

So we were part of a triangle: they have someone go looking for valuables, send them to me to launder and make into liquid assets. Then I send her the finances for whatever she feels like doing. Repeat.

Th-That’s how...?

...Horrible.

I wanted out. Trust me, I did try to call it quits. I changed my address and moved to a different part of Japan...

...And she still mailed me a box. In it...was a finger with a diamond ring attached, along with a note. It said, “Keep the money flowing, or we’ll come collect it ourselves.”

[quickspinner]

What do you think of Adrien redemption fics, and would you ever write one?

Wow I kind of spun out on a tangent so here's the teal deer and you can read the full word vomit under the cut:

More power to the writers who enjoy such things, but personally I'm just not interested at this point, so unless it's a side plot of a Lukanette story, I wouldn't seek one out to read, nor would I write one myself. The closest I really have is Something Just Like This, where all three characters work things out not always amicably, which I tend to think of as a prequel to All in the Family, where Adrien becomes the most welcome third wheel in history. At this point in time though, I'm just tired of Adrien and all the drama, canon and fandom, that comes along with him, and I don't care enough to put the effort in.

Since I've said it in the discord I might as well say it here--if I ran the world, I would have had Adrien take all his sad about being left out in Season 4, and decide he's going to be such a good hero that LB won't need anyone else, and he'd go off to get Su Han to teach him Mirakung Fu or whatever it is and actually step up to help LB and prove he can be the partner she needs--and maybe learn along the way that it's okay not to be LB's everything and that relying on other people is actually a good thing, he doesn't have to be perfect to be important. (That plot is free to anyone who wants to use it, feel free, drop me a link so I can see what you do with it.)

Now that I've written the longest run on sentence ever, here's the actually wordy stuff under the cut. 😂

I don't think Adrien's irredeemable, in fact I don't even think he'd be all that hard to redeem, but...let me think how can I put this, because I don't want to be like love square/Adrien stans are evil because they are not. They're just people who like something different than I like and that's totally okay. Ship and let ship.

But there are a vocal number that are, shall we say, annoying. Because of that it becomes a bit of a pain to write anything because you're always going to get comments trying to argue with you (spoiler alert: I'm not looking to convince anybody nor do I care that people on the internet think I'm wrong, so I don't debate in the comments) or that sound snobby and judgey. In the past I did write Adrien into several fics and I always got weird comments on them, and the nicest ones were along the lines of, "I'm glad you don't make Adrien a complete jerk like a lot of Lukanette writers." That's not horrible, but it's also not super encouraging. Thanks, I guess? I stopped getting those comments nearer the end too so maybe people changed their mind as the story went on. 😂 (Which is fine! A very sincere thank you to anyone who quietly stopped reading and didn't leave me anything to let me know. Totally fair.)

Honestly I had similar problems with the one true salt fic I started, where a lot of the comments were just griping about the series without actually addressing my story at all, and that's kind of a bummer for me (if anyone reading this left a comment of this type please don't feel bad, I'm not saying this to guilt you, this is all about my personal preferences as a writer and none of you are mind readers).

There are a lot of things I don't like about the series, and some that occasionally make me confused or angry enough to rant about it a little bit here or on discord. At the same time, reading constant ragging and complaining about the series just depresses me. So many salt discussions spiral into this dead end of "it's such a waste what they've done and everything is awful," and there's no where to go from there. It's not going to change, and there's nothing we can do about it, and I don't like ending up at the bottom of the pit. I do this for fun and I'd rather focus on the things I like. I will be finishing Live With It, but clearly salt just doesn't make me happy, so it's not going to become my niche anytime soon.

So ultimately my reasoning boils down to, it wouldn't be fun for me, I don't think there's a huge audience out there desperately wishing I would write one, and life's too short to read or write fic that bores you. Adrien will be just fine without me.

[tryingnottohurt]

I’m genuinely feeling a little heartbroken. I didn’t realize how long I’ve had an ed until I was looking through tiktok.

I remember being a kid. An actual goddamn KID and my uncle telling me that if you can’t see your veins on the top of your hand, you’re fat.

And I’ve thought about that for years since then.

Trying to wrap my fingers around my wrist in middle school.

Training myself in middle school to press my tongue to the roof of my mouth as a resting position.

Looking at my side profile in nearly every reflective surface in private and in public and dying a little inside when I saw the horrible distorted figure in a store window.

I don’t have a SINGLE school picture to look back on besides ones already in yearbooks because I would throw the order sheet away before my mother could get to it.

I’ve always instantly lashed out when anybody would be in the kitchen with me while I’m cooking (especially my mother because she would make comments like “you’re eating all that?” “Isn’t it a little too late at night to be eating that?” “You know diabetes runs in the family on your dad’s side. Your grandmother died of a heart attack”. The grandmother comment especially hurts because I look exactly like her. And she only points out our resemblance when it’s to point out something negative about my build or my eating habits or my attitude.

I’ve permanently disfigured my body from sucking in for the last 12 years.

But now that I’m trying to have control over my body, people in my life are noticing and making me feel ashamed for eating healthier!!!! “Oh well you should put some protein in there” “is that all you’re going to order” “I don’t want to make you feel bad but I’m thinking maybe you don’t have as much energy because you’ve been walking too much and haven’t been eating”

I CANT FUCKING WIN. NO MATTER WHAT I DO PEOPLD ARE ALWAYS GOING TO SHAME ME INTO A BAD HABIT. ITS LIKE THEY WONT BE HAPPY UNTIL IM DEAD.

I’m so tired

[navree]

Your first theory sounds more realistic - Aegon and Visenya, who’s relationships considered never warm, probably had an argument/fight and she said some horrible things (honestly, all her comments in the book are kinda vile and envious so no surprise here).

And I don’t think Aegon ever liked her. But could you blame him? Visenya’s personality is not very likeable, with her being stern and serious most of the time, she sound a lot like Stannis Baratheon and it’s not the kind of a person someone would like to be around. And Aegon seems like a no bullshit person and so I don’t think he would go along with her actions.

follow up to this

See now you're putting me in a tough position here because Stannis is one of my favorite guys in ASOIAF, I love him very much and I can, have, and will continue to talk about him ad nauseam until I am forcibly stopped.

I don't think Aegon and Visenya having a blowout argument where hurtful words are exchanged that worsens any rift that was growing between them is out of bounds. It's actually something I've floated for myself, as a subset of my own theory, that in grief they said harsh things that they've never taken back and it did worsen what was going on between them. They don't necessarily need to have a prior bad relationship for there to be a falling out that they couldn't recover from, especially in such a high stress environment like the First Dornish War.

Listen, I've always said, and I will continue to always say, that I will not knock on anyone's headcanons, especially when it comes to the Conquerors, who we know frighteningly little about as people. And if there are people who view their story the same way that it's been viewed throughout most of Westerosi history and run with that, then that's fine by me, great, go forth and go nuts, there's good content to be mined from that. But it's not going to be something I subscribe to myself. It's also just that simply, as a writer, I've always felt "woman scorned" to be an exceptionally boring trope. Of all the things that can be done with Visenya and Aegon and Rhaenys as people, and with their interlocking relationships, having it just be that Visenya was a jealous hag who hated everyone and who everyone hated right back just feels simplistic and lazy compared to any other possible option. It's not something I'd find narratively compelling on a character or story level, and if this were a narrative proper and that was what they went with, I'd be sorely disappointed.

I also don't think we can just categorically proclaim that Visenya and Aegon never liked each other. We know Visenya at least supported him publicly, that she crowned him as king herself and was an active participant in the Conquest (she was literally injured in battle for it), continued to support the realm even as their relationship worsened, she defended him fiercely whenever his life was in danger, especially during the Dragon's Wroth, to the point of forming the Kingsguard herself to protect him, and even after he was dead, she still offered advice and counsel to Aegon's son by Rhaenys even if she thought he was a bad fit for kingship and supplanted his heir with her own son. And on Aegon's side, he trusted Visenya to be a part of his unification of Westeros and gave her just as many commands as he did Rhaenys to make that possible, he had Visenya not just as a consort but as a co-administrator, as one of the two people most in charge of the day to day political runnings of the Seven Kingdoms, alongside Rhaenys, he trusted her to protect his life and he trusted her instincts when it came to others being charged to protect him also; he did go along with her actions in those various respects. And, most importantly, he still kept her as his wife even after Rhaenys entered the picture.

The idea that the two eldest Targaryen children must get married isn't some hard and fast law, it's just a custom that's followed within the family. And we know absolutely nothing about how Aegon's marriages shook out. We don't even know if he got married to both sisters at the same time, or if there was an original marriage of just him and Visenya with Rhaenys added in later (that's my personal view of it) once Aerion, who seems to have been the person most gunning for it in comparison to his children, was out of the picture, either through infirmity or outright death. But there was a period of time where Aegon was now the person in charge of making decisions on who he would wed, that's why he married Rhaenys at all, and on the flipside would be involved in any decisions about dissolving his original marriage. We don't know exactly how ending a marriage works in Westeros, given that we only get the Faith of the Seven's idea that a marriage can be put aside if it was never consummated. It's entirely possible that, if Aegon really just could never stand Visenya, he could have easily kicked her out of the marriage entirely, and likely been able to do so, rather than just changing the parameters of the marriage to include two wives once Rhaenys got involved. The fact that he did what he did can speak volumes to the respect and affection he had for Visenya, at least as a sister, if not as a romantic partner (I still think Visenya was a lesbian in love with Rhaenys and never saw Aegon as more than a little brother, and Aegon of course was in love with Rhaenys too and only viewed Visenya as a big sister).

None of this precludes there being a catastrophic rift later in life, or them turning on each other in hurtful ways. But in my view, not only through the evidence but also in what I like creatively, I don't think that's what it is. It seems that they liked each other fine early on in life, that they enjoyed each other and loved each other as family, and likely probably did have their own companionship due to some similar characteristics (Visenya was stern and serious, Aegon was, as you said, not someone who took bullshit and seemed to be more inclined to reservation than exhuberation), but the circumstances and stresses of life twisted and corroded that until it was something toxic and distant and hurtful that never fully recovered.

I also think the Stannis thing you mentioned is actually unintentionally revealing, anon. Because on the outside, yeah, Stannis doesn't seem like the kind of guy people would want to be around. He's stern and law abiding to a fault and stubborn and unforgiving, and that hasn't engendered much love for him in other people who don't know him personally. But we, the readers, have seen the inner workings of Stannis through someone who loves him borderline unconditionally, in Davos, and we learn a lot. We learn about Stannis as a kid who nurtured a hawk who would never be the kind of hunter he needed, just because he couldn't just abandon it to die. We learn about Stannis as someone who forced himself into atheism because he couldn't fathom a world where the gods would let him watch his parents die. We learn about Stannis as someone who struggled greatly in the choice between whether or not to abandon his principles in siding with Robert, a traitor, over Aerys, an anointed king, and chose his brother because he loved him. We learn about Stannis as someone who held out through an unimaginable siege and starvation out of loyalty to his brother's cause. We learn about Stannis as someone who values those who helps him, regardless of stations, and we learn about Stannis as someone who wants so desperately to do right by people even if it's not what he wants, like claiming kingship for Robert's sake and swearing his men to press Shireen's claim if he falls in battle even if he never wanted any of this. And we do see Stannis as more than just some asshole the way he's painted as by outsiders, we see him as someone who clearly cares for Davos personally, someone who loved his brothers in spite of feeling like it was never returned, someone who does love his daughter (one of the few good things the show ever did with Stannis were some of his moments with Shireen and his evident devotion to her, before That Scene in 5x09), someone with enough love for his fellow man that he'll go to the Wall to help the Night's Watch and take back Winterfell for the Starks even if it's not entirely in his best interests.

At his core, from what we see through Davos in his longstanding devotion and then Jon as the latter gets to know him more, Stannis is so much more than what he's painted as by the official histories and court gossip and word of mouth from people who've never met him personally or don't know him well beyond saying hi in the halls. He is a thousand times more than his reputation. Stannis is the King Who Cared. And none of that is outwardly evident to people who don't know him, to people who aren't entrusted to his confidences the way Davos is. That's actually a key part of ASOIAF, the way that what we see on the outside is so rarely able to also show us what's going on behind the scenes, the way that the opinions of a general populace often do not line up at all with the reality of the situation of what someone is like in their own thoughts and personalities, like Tyrion being derided as a monster when he was trying to save the city in ACOK.

So if Stannis is all of that, and if that's emblematic of one of the core messages of the book that's actually resonant in a lot of characters if you parse it out, is it so impossible to imagine the same can be said for Visenya? Visenya is someone we are learning about entirely through a history book, Fire & Blood is an in-universe textbook compiled long after Visenya was already dead; we learn nothing about her as a person beyond what's been officially recorded, certainly nothing from those closest to her, as neither she nor Aegon nor Rhaenys left any in person records about themselves or their feelings on each other. It's entirely possible, and honestly quite extraordinarily likely that Visenya, like Stannis, has a lot more to her as a person and as a character than meets the eye.