#seriously good is weirder than tentacles

[dogfags]

ok I actually love topping if I don't have to put on some stupid performance of dominance. i wouldn't say I'm super vanilla in general but it is soo hard to take sex seriously if ppl r tryna make me choke them or slap them or something 😭 I'm just not a dominant person like . I love topping! love to make my boy feel good™ but having to put on that persona just feels silly. that's prob why I could never rly get into it in the past bc my ex wanted me to be like overly dominant and kinky with it and I'm just Not. love to give and receive but not tryna like. hit people or be hit necessarily LOL. idk I used to think I was rly kinky and into shit like that but I'm not rly. I like pet play and leather, mild stuff like light choking and spanking is fine. I do not want to be in actual physical pain or put anyone else in actual physical pain either. can't do bondage bc trauma although I like the aesthetic of it. there's also a whole lot of shit I'll watch porn of but never ever do myself. I like a lot of kinks in theory but not in practice. I'd still say I'm into weirder shit than most people? mainly in the porn I watch lmao. but that shits not real. tentacle monsters don't exist but if they did...... 👀 jk. anyway

[peculiarist]

[all-hail-the-witcher]

I have spent far too much time on ao3 recently and have decided to make a list of the weirdest/best tags and finally decided to post it as a final fuck you to this entire decade, please enjoy

- “penis swag”

- “smut with feelings”

- “I swear to god this is not crack”

- “Jarvis is a dapper house elf”

- “probable misuse of federal accountancy”

- “cuddle spores”

- “blatant disrespect of a mans motorcycle”

- “unnecessary comparisons to animal planet during sexy times”

- “abusing the tagging system?”

- “no zombies were created in the harming of this story”

- “clintucky fried chicken”

- “the tags make this look way weirder than it is to be honest”

- “this is capital S Soft”

- “I dont know what straight means”

- “flowers have MEANINGS people, LEARN THEM”

- “apologies to actual Canadians, I know youre pros at invading the united states”

- “The midwest is kinda weird”

- “I spilled the sad in my porn”

- “sharing toothbrushes is weird and im not sorry to tell you that”

- “nothing serious here”

- “I could be working on one of my 50+ wips, but no here I am writing some bullshit”

- “I should go back to writing instead of adding tags”

- “im not spell checking this crap”

- “I hope none of my future psychiatrists see this, nor any of my future employers”

- “hello future historians this is what happens in the head of someone with adhd”

- “I mean theres a coffee related plot which lasts about 500 words”

- “wizards are assholes”

- “I wrote the tags before the fic and now I realize the stoy didnt went the way i wanted it to”

- “the fanfic equivalent of Well That Escalated Quickly”

- “emotionally unavailable acrophiliac murder machines”

- “omg thats a real tag”

- “really terrible twilight puns that im not even remotely sorry about”

- “I dont do human science so im allowed to make some shit up”

- “everyone should just hug man”

- “non-consensual masturbation of humans by dolphins is a real thing, my tour guide said so”

- “canon compliant to literally nothing”

- “assholes in love”

- “id like to apologize to the entire greek pantheon, except zeus cause fuck that guy”

- “trigger warning: Africa by toto”

- “st. petersburg is in Florida not russia”

- “the cheesiest flirting you'll ever read”

- “appreciate my puns”

- “its not a coffee shop au if most of it takes place in Tony Starks kitchen”

- “actually theyre kinda married”

- “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”

- “im just letting this story take me wherever it wants to go”

-  “superhero frathouse skyscraper”

- “no tentacle sex”

- “but no dogs kissing”

- “look- lady and the tramp gives meezers a bad rap okay?”

- “inadvisable medical practices”

- “dont try this at home kids”

- “saps in love”

- “accidentally living together”

- “just bros being bros”

- “bromance to romance”

- “all of the pop culture references”

- “mature tag for eventual violence, and also profanity because we’re all adults here for the most part”

- “getting banned from walmart”

- “the kicked out of Walmart list”

- “bribery through coffee and pizza”

- “no baloney sandwiches were harmed during the making of this fic”

- “SPAAAAACE”

- “no idea how long this will be - but it will probably be a stupid long thing”

- “space opera”

- “slow burn but it forgot to be slow”

- “seriously people, helmets are important”

- “inadvisable road safety practices”

- “accidental baby acquisition”

- “I summarize six months in a paragraph, for plot reasons”

- “monstrous abuses against perfectly good bedframes”

- “super smash bros, bucky needs to thank that game for his relationship, pikachu helped him realize that hes gay”

- “some sketchy ass explanation because reasons”

- “sex will be had while wearing olympic medals”

- “i have been informed by many parties that this is ‘very fluffy’”

- “murder strut”

- “fuck you flowers, not that kind of fuck”

- “actual trash”

- “literal litter”

- “compost couple”

[crazysnakey]

She-Ra season 5 thoughts and reactions [Spoilers]

Adora’s Dreams???? Is she trying to reconnect her connection to She-ra or smth???

Of course everyone argues about the Heart of Etheria. How can they not

Okay so there was that awkward af dinner scene, but Horde Prime confronting Catra on her feelings for Adora is 👌👌👌

Catra going to meet Glimmer several times. I think we all expected that.

Everyone telling Adora she’s not She-Ra anymore and her feeling needing to be useful... AAAAAAA

When they tied up a clone and he just started blabbering about how Prime is great and all and they’re like “was hordak like this” and Scorpia straight up being like “nah he just said get out a lot” like even Scorpia anknowledges that Hordak was like an angsty emo teen boy

Everyone being like “WTF DO WE DO NOW ADORA ALWAYS MAKES THE PLANS UGH”

Entrapta... good old entrapta going apeshit over the tech

Horde Prime really does that huh? Not only does he destroy planets and take their food he keeps their treasures and stuff as his trophies

GLIMMER GO OFF YEAH DON’T LET HIM USE YOU

Horde Prime calling Catra little sister... 😟 hell no you bleached octopus

Scorpia’s impression of Entrapta is so funny like... “Yay! Science! Tech! *crazy hysterical laughing*

ENTRAPTA CAN YOU PLEASE NOT WALK INTO THE WAY OF GIANT DRONES AND BOTS PLEASE ITS A STEALTH MISSION

Mermista taking charge with Adora gone, go for it girl

Scorpia, i love you

“hooray! Oh I take back my hooray. Never mind I reinstate my hooray! Hooray!”

ENTRAPTA SAYING THAT SHE WORKS WITH TECH BETTER THAN PEOPLE AND SHE WANTED TO HELP THEM THRU TECH 😢😢

Those clones really pop out of nowhere huh? They’re just stationed everywhere huh? Like stormtroopers.

Shadow Weaver, you tsundere. You still have an attachment to Micah as your student

That one clone who’s neck just snapped and twisted (with all the great sound effects, yay!) 😨

Okay so Prime can see and talk thru all his clones... shoulda seen that coming

Hordak??? Hordak is that you

Catra straight up telling Hordak that it’s reassuring to see a familiar face even if they weren’t on the best of terms... 🥺

Is Hordak starting to remember?? Is he gonna remember Entrapta aaaaaaaaaaa come on pls

Adora taking them all to the place in her dream... wow somethings up y’all

UH WHERE IS MADAME RAZZ IN ALL THIS?????????

Going to save Glimmer... good luck y’all are seriously gonna need it

Micah pretending to be She-Ra was so funny I don’t know why

Oh so Prime can’t track First Ones tech... thank god

Wow remember when I said Hordak might be remembering?? Haha we just got the rug pulled out from under us

The Horde clones are a literal fucking cult and their chanting is seriously unnerving like wow Noelle props to making it unsettling

Aaaaaaaaand Hordak was reset again (in a weirder way too with that bathtub of whatever the fuck is in there) think he’ll somehow remember again? Entrapta my girl I’m counting on you

Entrapta naming the ship Darla... I’m getting Emily vibes

CATRA GETTING FLASHBACKS OF HER AND ADORA AS KIDS JUST RIP MY HEART OUT WHY DON’T YOU 🥺😭

Okay but does Prime have no cameras or anything??? He’s got clones and advanced tech but no cameras or scanners in his own ship?? Probably bc his clones are his cameras or smth

CATRA APOLOGIZING AND SAYING SHE WANTS TO DO SOMETHING GOOD WHEN SHE SAVES GLIMMER... WOAH 😭

They really gave us Swift Wind feels huh? They really did that to us

Scorpia saying that Kyle told her he has a crush on Rogelio... awww

The Star siblings are so sweet. Also Adora stop eating all their food

Bow just helping and protecting Glimmer even tho he’s still mad at her... 😊🥰

SHE-RA?!?!?????? She-ra is that you

Adora saying she wants to go back for Catra and that she needs her... 😭😭😭

One of the episodes is literally named “Save the Cat” like 😂😂😂

BRAINWASHED CATRA AAAAAA NO TF

Somehow I knew that Prime was probably gonna brainwash Catra but actually seeing it is something else

Okay but Wrong Hordak..., crying, no idea what to do, really innocent just trying his best don’t hurt him

So the clones and Prime use a hive mind... cool coolcoolcool

Horde Prime uses vessels??? He just jumps in from one body to the other??? He can do that??? Literally if he does that to any of the rebellion people I’ll drag him out of there with my bare hands

Excuse me??? Horde Prime knew the First Ones???? He destroyed them????? HORDE PRIME DESTROYED THE FIRST ONES WHAT

Adora fighting Catra,,,, AGAIN

Catra slowly remembering ONLY FOR PRIME TO SCREW IT UP AND INTERFERE THAT DIRTY PIECE OF-

New She-Ra form

NEW SHE-RA FORM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NEW CLOTHES NEW POWERS NEW SWORD

WHERE TF DID IT COME FROM THO???????

They better have a good explanation of this and not just some asspull don’t do us dirty that way

Then screwing over Horde Prime and wrecking his shit. NICE 👍👏👏👏

OH MY GOD HORDAK FINDING ENTRAPTA’S PINK “LUVD” CRYSTAL AND GOING “Entrapta?” OHHHHH BOY WE GON GET SOME NOW

Everyone on the ship just dealing with stuff. Wrong Hordak continues to be the nicest person yet.

Micah is so funny he’s just like I want some cake and Frosta’s like UGH and he’s just like “Do kids not like cake anymore???”

Elberon. Hoooo boy that was weird and fucked up. Goosebumps. Honestly they should’ve seen it from a mile away that something was up

AAAAAAAAAH SPINNERELLA NOOOOOOOO

Catra’s new hair without the helmet is really nice. Kinda like her past being cut away and moving towards the future. I see she’s back with draping herself all over Adora and annoying her

Secret Underwater Party Adventure literally what

Scorpia’s song ❤️💖❤️... hot DAMN girl you are AMAZING and VALID and I STAN YOU

Glad to see the underwater people are doing great in these trying times

That montage of people with a grudge against Sea Hawk and Mermista beating them up is so fucking funny like “ANYONE ELSE WHO’S BOAT YOU’VE SET ON FIRE??!?”

DOUBLE TROUBLE?!!??!1?!1!??!???

Ironically DT was lying when they said Adora’s in space with a sword fighting but they didn’t know that’s what’s actually happening asdfjdn

Oh my god Mermista have you been chipped too

Literally everyone has been chipped so I guess no one’s safe idk what I was think. ing. 🤷‍♀️

How do those chips even work?? Does someone just slap it on the back of someone’s neck and that’s it?

EVEN MICAH’S BEEN TAKEN CONTROL OF?!?

That’s one heck of an anniversary....

Okay, Krytis gives me Krypton vibes. Anyone else??? It’s a planet, some superbeing’s weakness, and the name. Also it’s like, destroyed/abandoned has no life on it

Catra and the gang with their antics... she’s clearly not used to their carefree improvising ... laughing ... awww 😊 ~

Castaspella where have YOU been the whole time??

“How is it we’ve lost so many fine members of the rebellion yet we’re still stuck with you?” WOW Not holding back anything huH

Castaspella why are you even still wearing those longass robes and that cape

MAGIC??!? THAT’S THE SECRET??? THAT- actually makes sense. Prime uses science and tech so magic is something that’s probably out of his depth

Someone get me a shapeshifting cat please Melog is so cool

Wrong Hordak you’ve found your own truth go for it you spunky little boi

“Brother, I hope you too are full of love for Horde Prime and have no crippling doubt eating at your soul” GOLD. COMEDY GOLD I TELL YOU

HORDAK REMEMBERING THE ENTRAPTA RAINBOW SCENE AAAAAAAA

That montage where Netossa lists everyone’s weaknesses is so funny, Catra’s just like “I’m different. I’m a real threat.” Then Netossa just. Sprays her with water. Like. Wow.

Even in this troubling time, dad jokes persist. This is awesome. George and Lance have their priorities sorted well. Bow is so done with it 😆

HORDE PRIME WAS THERE IN PERSON THE WHOLE TIME?!

Literally what?????????? The heart can be taken WITHOUT SHE-RA???? Horde Prime ain’t screwing around babeyyyyy

Scorpia.... don’t lose to it AAA 🥺🥺🥺 and Perfuma is so positive and does the Fairy Tail thing where she believe in her friends no matter what

Shadow Weaver, the only one using actual logical deduction in the team while everyone else panics and makes puns

Okay Shadow Weaver’s speech to Adora might sound cruel but it’s actually logical and truthful. She’s being honest.

ENTRAPDAK REUNION. YES. YESYES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY SPOP OTP HAS RETURNED HORDAK STILL BEING ANGSTY

“YOUR IMPERFECTIONS ARE BEAUTIFUL” Entrapta you’re killin me

Glimmer’s first meeting with Micah and THIS is how it goes?!? Wow

“Adora it doesn’t always have to be you!!” That gives me so many feels bc it’s kinda true

CATRA STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS DON’T DO THAT THIS TIME YOU’VE COME SO FAR NOW NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“Adora doesn’t want me! Not like I want her” number one that’s so sad, number two NO, number three GURL ADORA DOES WANT YOU BACK LIKE THAT SHE LOVES YOU

Entrapta girl, you can do it you spunky little gremlin

The memories,,, AaAAAaaaaaAAaAAAAA

Glimbowww!!!! Glimbow Glimbow Glimbow!

“You’re worth more that what you can give to other people. You deserve love too.” OH MY GOD THAT IS SUCH A GOOD AND POSITIVE MESSAGE TO GIVE NOT JUST TO ADORA BUT TO PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE

GLIMMER comin in to SAVE THE DAYAY and Seahawk ,, 🤣🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂😂 you’re the highlight of these moments I swear 😂🤣😂

“My oldest enemy”?? Does he mean She-Ra or the First Ones? also WHAT is that giant green tentacle monster

THE LITTLE ENTRAPTA LOGO ON HER SCANNERS AND TECH THAT IS SO CUTE

KYLE AND ROGELIO AND LONNIE ARE STILL TOGETHER AND THEY’VE ADOPTED IMP AWWWWW AAAAAA

George and Lance are so proud of their son ~

Shadow Weaver !!!!!!! AAAAA AND TAKING OFF THE MASK and then just. FUCKIN G DYING??!!!??? SHADOW WEAVER YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE ME THESE FEELS AT THE END

Double Trouble you little shit

Holee shit, THAT is the heart??? It looks like empty cubes or shapes or something...

GO HORDAK GO OFF

DID HE JUST KILL PRIME???? YES!!!

Oh shit, nevermind, they are a hive mind after all,,, ........ FUCK

CATRA GOING “I LOVE YOU I ALWAYS HAVE”

CATRADORA KISS

CATRADORA KISS

CATRADORA KISS

THEY GLOWED AND TURNED RAINBOW GAY RIGHTS

THEY PLAYED CATRA AND ADORA’S SOUNDTRACK IN THEIR BIG MOMENT

Hordak’s memory with baby Adora??? Like adorable????

ENTRAPDAK REUNION AAAAAAA THE HUG

“HI I’M DAD” WOW

ALL THE REUNIONS

Mermista’s just like slightly unsettled by Entrapdak. Begone Antis.

Literally Madame Razz have you been just walking around and dusting stuff

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ENDING WHAT A GOOD WAY TO END THE SHOW HOLY SHIT WOW

All of my ships have become canon this season Catradora Glimbow Entrapdak Seamista thank you Noelle MY CROPS ARE WATERED MY SKIN CLEARED MY DEPRESSION CURED MY HOPE RESTORED THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO WORKED ON SPOP I AM BLESSED

[930club]

We recently chatted with Jamie Stillman, owner and mastermind of Akron, Ohio’s Earthquaker Devices, one of the leading innovators in guitar pedals/effects. We touch on everything from general guitar nerdery to how the pandemic is affecting the day-to-day operations of EQD. You can delve more into everything Earthquaker Devices related here.

Dave Kezer [9:30 Club]: There’s a joke that anyone who starts to listen to rap immediately wants to try to rap. It seems like anyone who starts to build guitar pedals immediately thinks they can start a pedal company. What do you think it takes to actually get a company off the ground in a sustainable way?

LOL! I used to make a similar joke that every guitar player with a soldering iron is a pedal company. It used to feel that way, but I think the craze has died down. It takes a lot of patience, hard work, and (possibly most importantly) good ideas to build a stable effect pedal company. They almost always start out as a hobby and it’s good to realize when it has moved beyond that point. In my case, it was very important to realize when I was in over my head and when to bring on people who have real knowledge in handling the business on a day-to-day level and have the ability to look at the bigger picture. I have punk rock business skills which worked up to a point, but I’m better suited to the creative role.

In your EQDQ&A Ep. 1, you joked about how long it took you to truly start understanding the differences/complexities of gear. I nerd out on gear so much that sometimes I lose focus on just enjoying playing instruments for the sake of it. How far is too far when it comes to putting every facet of gear under the microscope?

I think the threshold is different for everyone. There are people who won’t settle down until every piece of gear they own is top of the line and Reddit approved and there are people who don’t give a shit if their cable crackles if it moves a certain way. I put myself in the middle. I don’t really care about the proven quality or name brand of whatever I’m using, and I just make sure it works 100% of the time whenever possible. I make an exception on pickups, cables and power supplies because I think those are the most important part of the equation for me personally. I’ll always use the best I can find, and I decide what is best by putting it to use and seeing how it performs.

Your feature on the Rainbow Machine focuses on the usability of weird pedals. Have you designed something so weird that it is truly unusable?

Personally, I don’t find the Rainbow Machine to be so weird, but a lot of other people do, so we ran with that. I know the “pixie trails” function of the Magic switch is obnoxious, but I think it’s cool. There are way weirder pedals out there, lol. I’ve definitely designed things that I thought were cool but not exactly functional in every setting, but I usually work to make them more multi-dimensional. There’s only one that I’ve been working on for a really long time that has a million controls with minimal functionality. I’m not sure I’ll ever finish it but it’s (kind of) fun to keep trying once or twice a year when the mood strikes.

Are there any guitars that you’re completely satisfied with and won’t continue to modify? It seems like for gear people (myself included), a piece of gear will operate at 99% of its maximum potential, but the search for that 1% will make your brain itch forever and lead to continued modification.

No, I constantly modify all of my guitars lol. I change pickups a lot, more than anyone should. The closest I think I’ve gotten to “perfection” would be my stock Nash Telecaster and a heavily modded Fender Jazzmaster. The Jazzmaster is a 60th anniversary that I gutted and replaced almost everything except the neck and body. It has Seymour Duncan custom shop ’59 humbuckers for Jazzmaster with 500K push/pull pots for coil tapping and the rhythm circuit is removed. It also has locking tuners, a Mastery vibrato, bridge, and string tree. It still feels too new, but it sounds perfect.

Your Reverb “Does This Work?” interview focuses on old effects and their tendency to break down over time. What are the typical things that cause old circuits to stop working?

In my experience it has been dust, humidity, and neglect resulting in bad switches, corroded solder joints, cracked wires and dried caps. I never get around to fixing my old gear though. I’ll get in there if I really want to use something, but I’ll usually turn it over to Joe Golden, our in-house repair wizard. Most of the broken gear in the Reverb video is still broken…

Two of my favorite EQD pedals are the Tentacle and the Acapulco Gold, if not simply because there are one/no options to choose from when getting sounds. I tend to get freaked out when I see a pedal that has 4+ knobs, which is something I’m working on, haha. Where do you draw the line when it comes to simplicity vs. versatility when designing pedals?

I used to have a “whatever it takes” approach to design as long as it wasn’t confusing for the general user, but I’ve been moving towards a “less is more” approach. I don’t think pedals should require hours of reading manuals and menu diving to use. The faster you can get to making actual music the better. That’s not to say I don’t have some elaborate, sometimes confusing, products in the pipeline but I’m generally leaning towards simple design.

Don’t mean to be a bummer, but I have to ask — how has the pandemic affected EQD’s business operations? If I understand correctly — it seems like your builders are assembling pedals at home?

We have taken the pandemic very seriously. We knew the shutdown was coming and some of our employees had already been working to get things in place to make the transition to home building as easy as we could. We had almost 50 employees working from home for almost three months and the production capacity was greatly reduced. We didn’t ship any product for about two months. We kept all the employees on the payroll and had regular Zoom meetings to keep everyone up to date on what we were doing. Now, as of June 16, 2020, we are still mostly working from home but we have a skeleton crew in the shop so we can populate PCB’s more efficiently and start shipping product. We completely rearranged the shop to spread people out and invested a lot of time and money into making it a safe and sanitary workspace. We have gone above and beyond all the recommended protocols — too many precautions to list. It would be very hard to catch any illness inside EQD now.

Do you have a favorite “Let’s Go!” guitar riff? For example, whenever I’m driving and “Unchained” comes on the radio, I dime the volume and start driving like a complete lunatic.

I’m pretty reserved but, oddly enough, “Unchained” is also one of my favorite riffs ever! I think I play it at least once every time I pick up a guitar. Also a big fan of “Siberian Khatru” by Yes once it kicks in. Same with “In the Light” and “Rain Song” by Led Zeppelin and anything on Sonic Youth’s Sister. I guess these are more riffs that I wish I wrote than riffs that make me lose my shit. I guess most of them also make me sound like a real dad rocker too.

Is there a piece of gear you’ve spent a completely stupid amount of money on simply because you had to have it?

Yes, a Sunn Model T and it was worth every penny! It’s the most perfect amp I’ve ever owned.  

Not asking you to talk smack, but do you have a “Dumbest Pedal Ever Designed” award in your head?

I’ll keep my mouth shut on this one.

Finally, have you been through D.C. while touring or seeing shows? Anything about D.C. venues or the music scene in general you’d like to share?

I’ve been through D.C. about six or seven times, maybe more. I’ve always held D.C. in high regard because of Dischord records and bands like Ignition, Bad Brains, Jawbox, Fugazi, etc. 9:30 Club is actually one my favorite venues ever. I’ve been through twice when I was tour managing and the staff was super friendly and accommodating, which is unfortunately rare in the touring world. It also has the best green room of any venue I ever worked in; the bunks are a nice touch!

— Dave Kezer

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

*in the middle of a case*

Wise Old Informant™: And based on all that evidence, I think we're dealing with a cult.

Dean: Awesome. But like on a scale of the Paris Hilton fandom to the Thules, where does it score?

Sam: Somewhere in the middle. So probably Illuminati level?

Dean: well except for the demonic science nerds with money pouring out their asscracks and Latin triangles tattooed on their dicks, right? Because that's really not my thing. *looks at Cas for reaction but there are none. Shrugs and laughs himself*

Sam: you're so far from correct, it is really not funny.

Dean: shut up I'm hilarious. You're just being bitchy because you fanboy for the Langdons of this World and cults *laughs, and looks at Cas for a reaction but gets none*

Sam: *bitchface*

Cas: *unaffected* So, do you have any descriptions of their rituals?

Dean: yeah, do you? Are they the sacrificing llamas type? Dancing around bonfires for tentacled aliens? Community orgies? *laughs again, and even Sam has to grin but Cas doesn't bat an eye*

Wise Old Informant™: No, they pray like we do. Different deities though, and way weirder than the ones we pray to.

Dean: are you sure? Because like Cas here is a cousin of Jesus Christ and a bunch of other evil dicks, and they're all sons of the creator, this home-alone called Chuck, who sings suckily in the shower and watches cat videos, but go off I guess

*now, Dean laughs with Sam but not Cas, and the Wise Old Informant™ looks at them worriedly*

Wise Old Informant™: I'm sorta religious, so just not going to react. So yeah, there's a hierarchy. The beginners stand. There's prostrating at the feet of statues. And then there's sitting.

Sam: yes. The most powerful position is on your knees.

Dean: ...that's what she said

Wise Old Informant™: *laughs*

Sam: *annoyedly laughs*

Dean: *proud of himself but Cas is as stoic as ever, so he finally loses it* Dude. what is wrong with you? You're not on a strike! You're allowed to laugh!

Cas: I would, if I, uh, felt the need to.

Dean: *irritated* what, like, angels can deactivate their sense of humor? And well, I think I'm on a roll here! This is comedy gold! Do you think I'm not funny, huh?

Cas: *polite* maybe we don't share the same sense of humor, Dean. If you want -

Dean: I don't need your pity laughs *mentally* challenge accepted.

~

*Dean decides that it's now a matter of his honor, and he'll make Cas laugh, come what may*

~

*while dealing with the Lucifer situation*

Sam: he's possessing some musician now ughhh

Dean: what some of us do for fame...

Dean: *sees Cas listening and takes it a step ahead* I mean, he's basically a Mean Girl now. He craves attention and would possess the President for drama™

Sam: *snicker*

Dean: I mean, think about it! He could just start driving a pink convertible and become friggin' Regina George next

Sam: *bursts out laughing*

*Dean looks at Cas to see if he laughed, but its like he doesn't even bother to react. Not even a smile*

Dean: ...you can do better Winchester

~

*In the middle of a vampire hunt*

Dean: *slicing some SOB's head off* Phew! Its basically routine now!

Cas: *admiring* you're very good at it, yes

Dean: *decides to seize the moment* they're just pretty bad at what they do. I mean sure, you sparkle just fine. But you don't need to shine out your ass for eternity to suck blood, just wear some headgear so that knifes don't slice through

Cas: *zoning out*

Dean: *desperate* heh I mean the only reason Twilight has all these movies is because it was those embassies against some more dumbasses. Throw in a hunter, and it would've been over before Pattinson could've cried out for the wolf with abs, Jake or whatever

Cas:

Dean: *mentally* its gonna take more efforts, but you'll get there

~

*Gabriel is flirting with a random woman*

Dean: *sees an opportunity and charges* for a guy his age, Gabriel sure seems to get laid a lot

Cas: yes *smiles* he has had a lot of practise

Dean: yeah that, and he has all these great lines, being an angel and everything

Cas: like?

Dean: *excited that it might work* oh come on Cas, what's the use of being an angel if you don't use the pick-up lines it brings?

Cas: I see.

Dean: *sees Cas sobering up and tries harder* you know like, the whole array of heaven related ones? "Heaven's missing an angel, I now see why"?

Cas: *serious* why, Dean?

Dean: no, its just a line, don't take it seriously

Cas: okay

Dean: *desperacito* There's more too! Like, like, "Are you my vessel? 'Cause I would love to get inside you!" *waits for reaction*

Cas:

Dean: it was funny, you ass

Cas: but how would that work like I'm a -

Dean: gODDAMMIT C A S!

~

*TFW sees a girl wearing a trenchcoat, crossing the street*

Dean: *mentally* I'm gonna Carpe the Fucking Diem out of this

Dean: LOOK Cas! She's wearing your trench - no, not yours, I mean, one just like it - but hey, guess what that means?

Cas: what?

Dean: you're finally in season

Cas:

Dean: get it? You're like a trendsetter? Your fashion is finally in style?? Get it????

Cas: ...yes?

Dean: *desperacito x 1234500016351903611* REACT TO IT THEN

Cas: OH! I completely forgot! I was supposed to laugh, wasn't I? Sam told me to look for cues when you spoke, but its much harder to know when to laugh when you speak than you think -

Dean: I swear to god Cas I'm goNNA -

Dean: and Sam, we need to have a fucking talk!? I'M HILARIOUS!! I DON'T NEED PITY LAUGHS

Sam: ...Sam thinks you do, Dean

~

*Many gruesome years later when all except Dean have forgotten about the challenge*

Sam: *teaching mode* and now you enter the name

Jack: I get to choose the name?

Sam: uh, go nuts *walks away*

Jack: *typing keenly* A - G - E - N - T B - I - E - B - E - R

Dean: *peeks* seriously kid?

Dean: *struck by a fabulous idea* HEY CAS! Remember the time you and Crowley used those fake-ass aliases when you went hunting behind our backs?

Cas: not really

Dean: *helpless, but too far gone to be brought back* You don't remember??? The Agent Beyonce and Z?

Cas: *grins* oh that. Yes, those were his idea

Dean: *spurred on* he was always an idiot. Seriously a miracle you 2 weren't caught that time! Close save!

Cas: I suppose

Dean: *dying because the moment is so close to falling flat, and jumping to the punchline* I mean, heh, if we'd not showed up, you would've moved on to the next city as Agent Kardashian and West *hopeful for a reaction, as he bats his eyes at Cas*

Cas: *polite* no we were not stupid

Dean:

Cas:

Dean:

Cas:

Dean: *sigh*

Cas: oH WAIT -

Dean: don't say it don't fucking say it. I give up okay? I'm done. I'm so done. I give up. I GIVE UP!

Cas: I'm sorry Dean, I'll laugh -

Dean: nO - I'VE G I V E N U P

~

BONUS

Jack: ...what's happening?

Sam: Sam keeps forgetting how new you are until moments like these happen

~

EPILOGUE

*Sam, Cas and Dean are reading up on archangel lore*

Cas: *to Sam* ...and that is how he uses all 6 wings to his advantage.

Sam: that information could really be useful when we take him on. All you know about archangels is really gonna be helpful Cas, I should write it down. Speak slower

Sam: I can't take all of it at once.

Dean: *tries to resist but can't* THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID *Cas is stoic as ever and Sam bitchfaces him*

Sam: grow up jerk

Dean: bitch *does the armpit cart thing to demonstrate just how grown up he is*

Cas, suddenly: *snickers*

Dean: did you just -

Cas: I - I mean, I just - *begins to chuckle as he replays it in his head*

Dean:

Cas: *rolling on the floor, full fledged laughing*

Dean:

Dean:

Dean: I've been...its been...y E a r s...I mean - this is what makes you laugh...I mean...

Cas: *unable to breathe from the laughing, red in the face*

Dean: ...fArTS, CAS!?

[popatochisssp]

Make Your Mark, 5/10

Series: Undertale, Underfell Relationship(s): UF!Sans/Reader Chapter Warnings: Suggestive language/behavior, passing descriptions of a really awful, terrible movie that you should by no means look up, please, I am begging you

AO3 Link

In a world where soulmates exist, monsters and humans have one thing in common: the first time two soulmates touch, a mark randomly appears somewhere–anywhere– on their bodies to represent their match.

It still doesn’t make relationships easier…but maybe it does make them a little more interesting!

You were surprised he lasted as long as he did before uttering the fateful words you’d been expecting all night.

“what the fuck are we watchin’?!”

“I warned you,” you tell him.

Sans scoffs, still in disbelief.

“nah, nah,” he says, “ya’ said, ‘garbage movie.’ ya’ said ‘worst thing ya’ ever saw.’ ya’ didn’t say nothin’ about ‘batshit, z-movie crap-heap diggin’ itself into crazier and crazier holes it ain’t ever gonna climb back out of’!”

You shrug. “That should’ve been implied.”

The horrible movie, uncaring of your scathing assessments of it, plays on in front of you, the only light in your living room.

The only light, of course, excepting the indignant red of Sans’ eye-lights, seeking answers from you that would never come.

“so…what even happened?” he demands. “the lady fuckin’…caught the immortality-herpes from that asshole? an’ now she’s just…pregnant forever?”

“As long as she has access to human spinal fluid, I guess.”

Sans shakes his head. “ya’ say that like it ain’t crazy.”

“Oh, it is.” You lean back against the couch, propping your feet up on the coffee table. “I’ve just seen weirder.”

“pfft, no, no way the tentacle-faces were weirder’n that.”

Poor Sans—so naïve, so innocent…

So deserving of this.

“I’m not talking about the first act,” you inform him coolly. “I’m talking about the next one.”

You take great, sadistic pleasure in watching Sans’ eye-lights shrink in horror.

“no,” he breathes, clearly in denial. “how can it possibly get more fucked up than that…?”

The dramatic pause you hold for effect makes Sans tense. He knows you’re going to say something terrible, but his skull just can’t imagine what it will be and he can’t brace himself for it.

“Brain-eating, fetus-stealing, alien bat-things.”

“……………”

Yes.

You are dead serious.

“oh, fuck me, stars above. no, nuh-uh, m’out.”

“You’re not allowed to be out,” you tell him with a frosty glare. “I told you this was a shitty movie and you insisted we watch it anyway for laughs, and I sacrificed another precious hour of my life to this thing—we’re finishing it!”

Sans groans loudly.

“but it sucks,” he whines. “i can’t even make fun of it anymore! it ain’t funny-bad, it’s just bad!”

“I know that, Sans.”

“uuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhh.”

You don’t know why it surprises you when, after a long, sullen silence, Sans snakes an arm around your shoulders.

Your name drawled in an enticingly husky tone isn’t a surprise, though.

You know how this goes.

“c’mon, doll,” Sans coaxes, tugging you a little closer. “you don’t wanna watch this either… why don’t we shut it off…do somethin’ a little more…fun…?”

You smirk up at him, tilting your head. “Oh? Sans, what are you implying?”

He chuckles. It’s a sultry sound that sends a shiver up your spine, at odds with the scorching warmth of his body pressing against yours.

“oh, i dunno… i can think of a few fun things me an’ you could get up to.”

You don’t have to pretend to sound a little breathless when you say, “Do tell…”

Sans leans in, just a bit.

“not so fast: gotta kiss me first…”

For a split second, you’re so tempted that you almost do it.

His sharp, grinning teeth, his glowering red eyes, his deep, rumbling voice daring you to do the very thing you’ve fantasized about for months…

But it’s not real.

It never is.

You plant your hands against his chest and shove him back.

“You fucker,” you laugh, “you don’t think I’m that easy, do you?”

Sans laughs, too, just as casual and unbothered as you knew he’d be.

“ah, can’t blame a guy for tryin’, can ya’?”

You lightly smack him on the arm, forcing him to pay attention to the horrible movie still playing on your TV and trying not to feel too hurt.

Sans was…your buddy.

You hung out and ate junk food and watched bad movies—though not usually this bad—and it was…good.

It was fine.

As long as you ignored your raging crush on the guy, which got harder and harder to do every time he playfully flirted with you like that.

You knew that he didn’t mean it, and you were sure in your heart of hearts that if he knew how much it really hurt you, he’d knock it off, but whenever you went to say something about it, you’d… go a little cold inside.

Thinking of a future where Sans keeps his distance, where he doesn’t flirt at you or get close to you or touch you at all…

You hate it.

So, you do your best to be okay with the alternative, even if it doesn’t mean anything to him like it does to you.

Sans is your friend, after all, and you’re happy to have him around however you can get him.

-

Sans is a bastard in the extreme.

With only a half-hour left in the movie, he manages to pass out another ten minutes in, sagging against your couch and snoring like a chainsaw.

Annoyed, you shut off the nightmare film—no point suffering it if you can’t make him suffer, too—and get up.

You stretch a little and then go about gathering up your trash, empty cans and chip bags and other such debris cluttering your coffee table.

Sans doesn’t even stir and the sight of him so peacefully snoozing away, blissfully ignorant of everything around him makes your chest feel warm.

Things were…rough for monsters, Underground: you know that, everybody knows that.

Like many monsters, Sans was tense and on edge a lot, but here he was now, totally conked out on his human friend’s couch without a care in the world and…

That made you happy to see.

He deserved the rest.

You decide to let him sleep, and sleep, he does.

Sans sleeps through the flood of the lights you turn back on, through the noise of your cleaning, through the crinkling bags and clinking cans, and through the shifting of the cushions when you carefully sit back down beside him.

He even stays asleep when he tips to the side, slumping over on top of you like you were his own personal pillow.

You choke back your squawk of outrage at the last second, but the bastard’s heavy and his breaths are ruffling your hair with every snore and it tickles, so you reach up, hoping to gently shove him off again without waking him.

Instead, you freeze.

Right in front of you, as you watch, there’s color flooding along your forearm—cherry-red flames coming to life across your skin, licking all the way up to your elbow.

In the moment it takes shape, it looks like nothing less than the real thing, like an actual crackling fire has just sprung to life on your body.

By the time it finally settles, you’re clear-headed enough to know that you’re in shock.

This…this is your soulmark.

Sans is your soulmate.

You think that maybe in a more genuinely calm state of mind, you might handle this revelation with a little more poise than you actually do.

Instead, Sans finally snorts awake to the feeling of you trying to pull off his jacket.

“whoa, whoa, hey,” he murmurs, voice still gravelly from sleep. “what’re ya’ strippin’ me fer? heheh, not even gonna buy me a drink? jeez, an’ i thought we were pals…”

You don’t answer him.

You’re not entirely sure you can.

You just keep trying to tug at the clothing in the way of the most imperative question you’ve ever needed the answer to—are you Sans’ soulmate?

Sans seems to realize you’re not playing a game.

Thoughtlessly, he catches you by the wrist, frowning down at you.

“hey, seriously,” he says, “what’s goin’ on? yer actin’ ffffuuuuhhhhh………”

He’s noticed your new splash of color.

His eye-lights shoot back up to meet yours with sudden appreciation of your urgency.

“did… you…?”

You have no idea what question he’s trying to verbalize, but you figure a vigorous nod is enough answer.

Apparently, it is, because Sans lets go of your wrist and whips off his jacket himself, eagerly searching his body for the match to your mark.

You spot it first and with a wordless exclamation of delighted surprise, you grab him by his humerus.

Sans doesn’t try to make you let go, just craning his neck to see it himself.

“a bird…?” he asks, sounding curious.

And it is…but it’s not just a bird.

“It’s a dove,” you realize, tracing the outline of the little swooping thing gliding across his bone.

A dove…

Was that… is that…really what you are to Sans? For Sans?

Your throat feels tight… which is fine ‘cause you have no idea what you’d say, anyway.

Sans to the rescue, filling the silence with a hushed observation.

“you, uh…ya’ don’t look too broken up about this.”

…

‘Broken up’…?

Of course you’re not broken up about this, this is…amazing! Incredible! Easily one of the best things that could’ve happened to you in this moment! How could Sans ever think…

…But then, you look at him.

And he looks…wary… a little scared… maybe even a little…hopeful?

You think you must be wearing the same expression right now.

A spark of realization seems to pass between you and it occurs to you that you’re both stumbling on the heels of a huge misunderstanding.

“……heh…heheheh… ah, jeez…”

You still, eyes going wide as Sans reaches out to you, gently cradling your cheek in his claws.

His signature cocky smirk looks almost sheepish now as he says, “think, uh…think both of us may’ve been a little stupid, huh?”

You feel your face heating, but you can own up. “Yeah…”

“maybe…played some chicken? hopin’ somebody’d say somethin’ or… wouldn’t pull back last minute…?”

“Y…yeah…”

Sans huffs out something that could be a laugh.

“games ain’t workin’ too well for us, are they?”

You swallow. “Not…not really, no.”

“crazy idea,” he murmurs, “how ‘bout we give words a shot?”

A giggle bubbles up past your lips and you feel a little giddy, a little nervous still, but when Sans starts to lean in…

You just say it.

“I don’t want you to pull back.”

Sans grins at you.

“good. i don’t wanna, either.” He pauses for a split-second, considering. Then deciding, “think that’s enough words for now. c’mere…”

Sans pulls you close and as his teeth brush against your lips for the first time, you can’t help but agree.

The rest of the words can be for later.

UT!Sans | UT!Papyrus | US!Sans | US!Papyrus | UF!Papyrus | SF!Sans | SF!Papyrus | HT!Sans | HT!Papyrus

A/N: Necronomicon (1993) is..........not a good film. Please don’t watch it, you cannot get the time back.

[idridian]

Day 1. FFVII – the musical / tentacles

@gayredmage‘s Crack Week is in full effect!

This is a ‘song’ about tentacle porn and fandom life. I have no idea how I even did this, but I am very happy about my brain’s inexplicable sudden ability to rhyme and form coherent sentences at the same time.

Hello there, fellow fandom folks! Here’s a tip (quite overdue): Never play FF7 with other people there with you Because they might just ruin moments with their ‘commentary skill’ Even if there wasn’t that much mood available to kill

Stand before Synthesis-Jenova; you’re about to beat the game When they proudly – and quite loudly – feel the need to exclaim: “I’ve seen enough Hentai to know where this is going!”

Oh really? Have you now?

Well, in that case I’d like to see Your cache and browser history Just words won’t be enough to convince me you’re one of us!

Have you read the classics yet? Have you stayed up late in bed? Hour after hour, scouring the internet?

Are you one of us or do you want to join in our quest? Or are you just here to laugh at us and try to be a pest? Because if you are, then please fuck off. We don’t have time for you We’re too busy reading, writing, drawing, doing what we do

And that would be the moment when their questions start to come They demand some explanations for where that fandom rant came from Horrified at your implications they are frozen to the spot Ask uneasily why you’re doing this, and balk at your “Why not?”

You see, sometimes you don’t need reasons; sometimes it’s enough to know That there are tentacles up Sephiroth’s ass (and down his throat) That’s it! That’s all you need! I guess it only goes to show That ‘safe for work’ is overrated - so you can gladly let it go

That kind of content’s also, incidentally, much harder to maintain It’s easier to let yourself get swept up by the game Down and down through the rabbithole, out on our ship to sea Armed to the teeth with our kinks, whatever they may be

Lab accidents and malboros, Lost Number, Seph himself Paired with Cloud or Zack or Genesis, or anybody else Lifeform Hojo, Safer Sephiroth, beachplugs also get a pass SquareSoft threw us a softball here with tentacles en masse

The Unknowns on the Gelnika, Dark Nation, maybe Aps Bottomswell and Ruby Weapon, Bad Rap Sample, Gi Nattack Every single boss form of Jenova, Sample H0512 I could go on, but you get the point: it’s more than just a few

Half of these might sound bizarre at first, but trust me - it’ll work And after just a little while the weirdness turns into a quirk Once you’ve passed this shining thresh hold, inhibitions disappear I could sing a song about this. Ay, guess what I’m doing here! ;P

I was born and raised in fandom life, been here since I was young Spent my teen years reading fanfic (and occasionally writing some) Wasn’t good one, mind you, but whatever. That was not the point I’m still here to have a good time - that was why back then I joined

Not much left that you can shock me with, ‘cause I have seen it all And by now tentacles is one of those things I would call [nɔʁˈmaːl] There are weirder things out there; you probably haven’t found them yet Since you apparently still think this is the weird part of the internet

Let me spoiler you real quick on that: It isn’t – there is worse Then again, the ‘worse’ is relative. And that’s the fandom curse There always will be people who don’t like the things you do The trick is not to listen to them, and continue pushing through To write and draw and read and break every single taboo

And this is just the first one, the first of many steps to hell It is paved with good intentions – and good porn. It’s pretty swell To be honest, it’s the most pleasant road that you could ever walk Full of pretty things to look at, people to whom you can talk

And the best thing is nobody knows if you’re doing it ‘right’ Cause it’s not like anybody has seriously tried (tentacles, that is) So you can pretty much just do whatever, and get away with it Cause when it comes down to it we all don’t know shit About This

And if you do, then please call me and teach me your secrets.

This all seemed so much better in my head, where I can hear the stressed syllables and the speed at which everything goes. So if anyone wants to try their hand at singing it (for whatever reason), hit me up. I can tell you what it sounded like in my brain.

The [nɔʁˈmaːl] in line 48 is the German pronounciation of “normal” - I had to somehow make the lines rhyme, and this was the only way xD

[torisfeather]

Hey guys! Remember my “humans are weird” story idea? Well, I finally wrote the first chapter and I have a pretty clear plotline for the rest of the story, plus random ideas that I may add as filler or bonus chapters (please tell me which you’d prefer).

The characters are Yogagoarabameg, Yoga for short, an alien teacher and tourist on Earth, who befriends Dina, a little girl living with a very negligent aunt. And the aliens are super-weird, but thing is, humans are even weirder. x)

I’d love some feedback, some advice, whatever, for future writings and I hope you will enjoy this introduction to the story!

The communication screen had been emitting a soft green light for a few minutes already – the time for the signal to reach the targeted planet and to establish a connection. Yogagoarabameg wasn't in a hurry, even though they were very, very excited to speak with their guardian. Everyone in the ship could tell from the sour and sweet smell they were giving off. The three weeks journey back to the Fourlings' planet were too long for them.

Good thing everyone in the ship was way too busy to want to use the communication screen, for now. They'd have all the time in the world to talk about their stay.

The green screen finally turned into the familiar face of the department guardian, Wikivabimaog. "This is department 648, what can I… Yogagoarabameg, is that you?!"

"That's me!" the Fourling assured, blinking his frontal eye three times. Their three other eyes were politely closed. "Hello, Guardian! How is everyone?"

"Whatever, how are you, sun?" the Fourling before them almost cried. Yogagoarabameg would have liked it if the communication screen could replicate scents, they could only imagine the sweet fragrance Wikivabimaog was definitely projecting with their joy. "Tell me about the trip, everyone is just so excited to know how it went!"

"Well…" A sharp, high sound from outside the screen's range interrupted them. They briefly opened their occipital and temporal left eyes but, as they saw nothing alarming, closed them again. Wikivabimaog assumed it was probably just a noisy high-person.

"How is Dangerhome? It's not as bad as astronauts said it was, right?"

Yogagoarabameg's smell was tainted with a warm amused scent. "I haven't seen everything, Guardian, there weren't going to let a mere tourist visit the most dangerous places."

"Of course."

"But I was still very afraid, more than once!" Wikivabimaog didn't answer, their eye large and focused. "Everything is so fast here, Guardian! lightshy-people are very swift and they don't think they are enough, they have these things – they call those "cars". Like metal boxes with… Picture a train, but only for four people, and not on a rail but on spinning disks!"

"It's hard to imagine," Wikivabimaog admitted.

"And there are cars everywhere! Most lightshy-people only have one but I heard some had several! And they are so fast you can barely see them sometimes. I had all of my four eyes opened every time I was in the shtreet…"

"Shtreet?"

"Uh… What is in-between constructions… Circulation ways! That's where cars circulate."

"You are telling me they use high-speed transportation devices in the middle of the place they live? Without any protection?"

"There is some. Sometimes. And cars don't always go as fast. But yes. Most of the time, there are even walking spaces on the sides, and passages to cross the shreets, I'm not lying!"

Yogagoarabameg now smelled strongly like laughter, easily imagine the salty scent of the guardian's shock. And to think they didn't even know the best part!

"There is worse! Even the planet is fast! It doesn't have a dark face and a bright face, it spins! All the time!"

"What, you mean…" The guardian looked horrified and their voice was suddenly lower. "You mean you have been in the planet's shadow?"

"Yes!" Yogagoarabameg couldn't hold back a slight aroma of pride as they said that. "But since the planet spins the shadow doesn't have enough time to be too cold. Besides, lightshy-people – oh, by the way, they'd rather be called humangs, they're easily upset. So, right, humangs build closed constructions so that they can stay warm in their planet's shadow.

Yogagoarabameg was delighted to tell their guardian everything, their only regret was that they couldn't smell the emotional cocktail probably oozing from their black feathers. They would discreetly open two eyes from time to time to make sure everything was fine in the ship but they would always close them quickly – yes, everything was fine. They told about the stay, in details, their department guardian deserved it. Technically, they were the one supposed to be sent for the visit, with some of the very first tourists from their planet. But Yogagoarabameg, when it came to choosing, had such a strong scent of enthusiasm that they had given them the ticket and that everyone had approved. But they were proving worthy of the privilege they were given, they had made sure to remember every detail, and were even bringing back vegetal specimens for Wikivabimaog. Everyone knew department 648's guardian was more into the new planet's flora than into the local culture. Maybe they'd change their mind when they saw the numerous pictures the tourist group had shared.

They also talked about the beautiful construction they stayed in with the other visitors. Apparently, humans had built it just for them and the other Fourlings that could come to the planet, because they were too tall for traditional human living spaces. Yogagoarabameg had been so surprised that doors were generally only up to their thorax, while they weren't even one of the tallest of their species.

"Lightshy-people are that small? I thought they were exaggerating." A high-pitched sound chimed in the ship again but both the Fourlings ignored it, it was the fifth time since the beginning of the call.

"No, non, I can guaranty everything they said is true! Actually, they look even smaller when you look at them up close. Oh, you have to see what I'm bringing back, humangs are so cute! They really do look like lightshies, all long and squishy! Little lightshies with legs and a face, and feathers on their head, and they wear clothes like blue-people.

"I can't believe something like lightshies could survive with everything we were told about their planet."

"Well… They aren't as frightful as lightshies? They do things… I tried to find books about their history – actually, I brought back one they've translated into our language, to entertain the little ones. But it feels like they aren't taking their own history seriously. The real events like discoveries, and societal evolutions are mixed with some sort of jokes… I think they are jokes. They called that fulgarization, they explain difficult matters in an amusing way to be understood by the ones who don't specialize in the specific field. Their jokes aren't funny, but I figured out they have a very different sense of humor.

"Tell me, what do you mean?"

"Well, they tell about a war, a few centuries back, but the numbers are… disproportionate? They can't be serious, or they are very bad at counting. And some things they say about it are… I'm working on separating the true events from the fake ones but it's not very easy."

"It's fine, you'll manage. Say, have you seen them up close?"

"I talked to them."

"You talked to them!" Wikivabimaog lifted to tip of their front tentacle, as a sign of an extremely strong emotion. "You mean you learned their language?"

"Not exactly, it's difficult, but they have made little dictionaries to help us communicate. And one of the visitors, I think they're from the 1285th, they decided to stay and collaborate to create a complete one. It was hard to speak with them in the beginning, but you manage after a few weeks. I even had a conversation with one of their little ones, a few hours ago. I have to tell you!"

It was when the place we were at came into the shadow, it was starting to get chilly and I was beginning to come back at the ship because we had to go in a bit. Since it's faster and safer, instead of using the shtreets I crossed a park – it's a place dedicated to natural elements, it's hard to explain, it's like… I told you what a towng was? Well they keep natural spaces in those towngs, and those are called parks."

So I cross the park, and in the park there is a tiny lightshy-person on a bengch, and they smelled a lot like sadness – yes, because you can smell their emotions too, but for some reason they can't. So the little lightshy-person smells like sadness, and I know you've never seen a young lightshy-person, but they're even cuter than adults, I couldn't ignore it. I walk up to them and I ask them why they're sad and…"

Well, the problem with dictionaries is that they don't translate, they mostly help you speak. But I got a few words and… I won't go into details, it would be too long and you know the communication screen won't last that long. So, step by step, the young person tells me they don't want to go home – let me explain, they live in families instead of departments, so they weren't really home in that park."

When I ask them why, they tell me their guardian – their aungt – forgets a lot of things they need – that's what I understood – so in the end, they don't take good care of them. And the surprising thing is that normally, young lightshy-people are taken care of by parengts – I'm not sure what that is, I think they are very specific guardians but I don't know the qualifications to become "parengt". So I ask them, if their aungt isn't taking good care of them, why they don't ask their parengts to do it. And then, that poor little sun, that poor little thing, they tell me their parengts are dead! So of course here, if the guardian dies, their apprentice will take their place. But as I said, on their planet there are qualifications to become a parengts, and that meant the little one didn't HAVE a guardian, can you imagine? It was their aungt replacing them, but their aungt was very bad at this job – and this is not a surprise, it's not their original job. Besides, it's originally a job for two people so how…"

"Calm down, sun," Wikivabimaog said softly. Yogagoarabameg stopped, breathing canals aching, and realized they were emitting a bitter shocked smell.

"Sorry, Guardian, I overreacted," they said, trying to emulate Wikivabimaog's soft tone. Even without a smell, the guardian could tell when their former little ones were upset.

"I understand this meeting has upset you, I've never heard anything this terrible – a little one without a guardian! But… Everything on this planet is strange, I'm certain they have solutions."

"I don't know."

"Ah, what's most important is that you could comfort the little one. Were they able to go home?" Yogagoarabameg didn't answer. They briefly opened their temporal left eye and closed it again, think about something to say. Wikivabimaog started to worry. "Yogagoarabameg, the little lightshy-person was able to go home, right?"

"Not exactly," finally said Yogagoarabameg, and the guardian could have sworn they were embarrassed.

"What happened? Did they get hurt?"

"Oh, no, no, they're fine, they're completely fine! At least they look like they are!"

"You mean they looked like they were?"

"No, they look like it right now." Yogagoarabameg looked like they were about to bite one of their own tentacles, and Wikivabimaog wasn't sure what it meant anymore.

The high-pitched sound was there again, and the Fourling visiting Earth opened their left and back eyes. Away from the communication screen's range, five other visitors (three normal Fourlings and two small Fourlings from their planet's moon) had formed a circle in the middle of the room to cuddle little Dina, who'd regularly emit those tiny chirps Yogagoarabameg had learned to associate with amusement. The little human had looked shy, scared, when the shuttle had dropped both of them off in the orbital Fourling spaceship, right above the American continent, and she had had to face those creatures who all reached almost three times her own height. But after some time to adapt and some gentle encouragements, she had left her school bag on the ground and gladly let the five aliens ruffle her hair, tickle her neck and carry her in their tentacles, one by one, mesmerized by how small and adorable she was. She had the sweet smell of joy and fun.

"Tinga!" Yogagoarabameg called.

Dina's head turned and she said a few high-pitched words nobody understood. However, the one holding her gently let her down when she pointed at the ground with one of her upper members. She had known for a while that aliens understood signs better than words. As soon as she was on her feet again, she ran to Yogagoarabameg, giggling.

"What's the matter, Yoga?" she said as she started to climb one of their legs, trying to settle down on his abdomen. Yogagoarabameg didn't let her, they just wrapped three tentacles around her legs and stomach to carry her comfortably up to the communication screen. She look curiously at her friend's contact, slowly raised a hand a waved from left to right. It was a greeting gesture. "Who is that, Yoga?" she said, and this time Yogagoarabameg understood the simple question.

"They want to know your name," they told Wikivabimaog, who, according to the human, had a completely unfathomable expression.

"Wikivabimaog," he pronounced softly, hypnotized.

"Wikivaba…" Dina tried, until giving up and nodding. "Wiki," she announced, as if it was obvious.

"Wiki?"

"They can't remember long names very well, so they shorten them," Yoga explained. They looked at the human child and Wiki could have sworn they could smell the sweet scent of their fondness. "Aren't they adorable?"

"Yes, adorable," the guardian confirmed, completely under the little one's charm. It wasn't surprising, all humans were adorable. But Yoga hadn't lied, their little ones were particularly cute, even smaller and rounder than adults. This one had brown hair and eyes, and skin covered with freckles. Her blue dress-like overalls was a little worn-out, the front pocket was coming off, and she had dirt on her knees. Her socks were two different colors and her shirt had been stained with spots for so long it looked like they were always there.

Her little arms hung onto Yoga, even if the Fourling's tentacles kept her in a perfectly stable position, and since her eyes were only on one side of her head, he had to turn it around to look at the screen, in a way Wiki would have described as scary, had it been done by any other species. If he could, he would have reached out to pet the tender skin of her round neck and the bushy mass of her hair, which Yoga didn't keep himself from doing.

"I thought the ship was already on its way," Wiki said.

"It is."

"But you have the little lightshy-person with you."

"Yes."

"How are you going to bring them back home?" Yoga didn't answer, and Wiki let out a tired and resigned scent, the equivalent of a sigh. "You won't, will you?"

"No, Guardian."

Even without being close, Wiki could very well imagine their smell, a mix of guilt and joy, like a child caught doing something fun, and forbidden. Wiki could understand. Anyone could understand. But still… "Yogagoarabameg, this is a bad idea."

"No, non, Guardian, I promise everything will be fine!"

"I don't think the lightshy-people would be happy that you took one of their children. Do you think I'd be happy if someone took one of ours?"

"But Guardian, I told you, they are alone, they only have me, they wanted to be with me," Yoga assured. They started to smell like salt and smoke, and Dina frowned.

"You don't speak their language very well, maybe you misunderstood."

"I can tell what a "yes" is, Guardian. I didn't force them to come with me, they followed me. And they like me, you see?"

This is when Dina decided to ask to get down. Yoga gently lowered her to the ground and she hugged their big leg in her arms before going back to walk among the other visitors.

"Yogagoarabameg," Wiki said. "They are adorable and I know you just want to protect them, but you don't know how to take care of a little lightshy-person.

"I'm a teacher!" Yoga protested, a little upset.

"But you are not a guardian, Yogagorabameg, nor a farmer, or a biologist," Wiki countered, calmly. "And even if you were, they are not a jakebui child, they don't even come from Yayemagag. Their planet has nothing to do with ours.

"The atmosphere is still similar, and humans are tough!"

"I am not saying they couldn't survive here, I am saying we have no idea what could happen to them, or what they could do. You know what astronauts said about their species when they came back."

Yoga's irritation smelled a little like vinegar but they knew their guardian was right. They hadn't thought it through when they took the little human with them, and there was no way of knowing if she would get along with the rest of the department, or if she would be happy on the Fourling's planet. She was just a child who couldn't understand what it meant to come with them. But she was also just a child who trusted them and had only them to take care of her – her aunt definitely couldn't if Dina ended up preferring to stay in a park at night rather than going home. Failing her was out of the question.

"It's too late anyway," Yoga said.

"It's true, we cannot do anything, for now," Wiki admitted. "I don't like it, but you will have to take care of them until you get here. Then we'll have to see with the department."

"There is nothing wrong with taking care of Tinga," Yoga said, firmly.

"I know, sun," Wiki reassured them with a soft voice. "But everyone needs to know. I told you, we do not know what will happen when your little pet is here. If something goes wrong, we might have to bring them back home, do you understand?"

"I understand, Guardian. But if nothing happens, I can keep Tinga, right?"

Wiki blinked twice, slowly, before answering. "Normally, yes. If nothing opposes it, your… hu-ma… humang? Your humang can stay here. Besides…" they added, in a softer tone. "They are so cute I think everyone will want to help taking care of them, as long as they are nice."

Thankful, Yoga raised a tentacle, which amused Wiki very much. "Thank you, Guardian."

"Don't thank me, I won't decide." They paused. If Fourlings could laugh, that's what they would have done at that moment. "You really haven't changed much. You are still a child, inside."

"I am an adult."

"You haven't been for very long."

"You know, humangs managed to contact us by acting like children."

"And maybe that's why you like them so much."

Yoga's sour irritation had turned into fruity amusement. They exchanged a few more words with their guardian before the communication screen's red light showed time was up. They said goodbye and Yoga stopped the call.

They opened all three of their other eyes. Dina was still playing with the other visitors. She had just climbed on the back of a Fourling from department 1307 and hung onto their back tentacle who gently tried to throw her off, all of this in the smell of laughter emitted by joined in, and when she saw them, Dina let go of her makeshift perch to jump on their abdomen. She was tiny and light like a feather, but when she pretended to attack them like that, Yoga cried from fake terror, which made her laugh again.

She slid down to sit astride on one of their legs, her small arms vainly trying to hold onto the largest segment of her friend's body. Yoga stared at her, unmoving, and pat her hair again. "You'll see, my Tinga, they will love you, and you'll be very happy. I'll take good care of you."

And Dina, who only understood her deformed name in the Fourling's mouth, just showed her tiny teeth in a beaming smile.