#sex it's just never the main focus of the story and guess what? that's ok

[the-nysh]

Do you ship any canon ship, in manga/anime? I can't bring myself to ship or even support like 95% of canon ships in manga, they're just... very bland. The dynamics are boring most of the time, there's always some mysoginistic element going on (even in shojo mangas. Why can't the heroine physically save the male love interest for once :/ w h y), and the parties included most of the time have way better chemistry with their same-sex "best friend" (I'm talking about canon straight ships).

Depends on what kind of stories you're reading, how good the author is at setting up and committing to their romance, and how you even define what's 'canon' at all really. Cause the only 'canon' I care about is whether a pair has an interesting canon dynamic (meaning they're a core part of or the focus of the story already) that piques my interest and keeps me invested in their story. To see how they turn out. Otherwise I usually don't 'ship' if their relationship has no focus/development or if the story isn't even about the pair's journey together. Cause not all stories even have romance, or are even structured in a way for a mutual confession at the very final chapter either - cause some, like in Mob, subvert that 'expectation' with no canon couples anyway. So it really depends.

Most shoujos (with clearly advertised romance) that spend their real-estate building a 'main' pairing (unless there's triangles for more twists and drama to keep readers unsure and guessing) usually end up together as....the story properly tells, cause that's literally what those stories are about. Ex: like in Skip Beat, the slowest of the slow burns where the main paring dances around each other indefinitely - some might not consider them technically 'canon' if they haven't openly confessed yet, but if the story is literally about them navigating their developing relationship and growing as people, then...by definition that's what's canon. BLs that focus on a 'main' pairing and properly develop them as advertised are the same. (Oh, and I've read some 'bad' shoujos where the author tried to appeal to both sides of the love 'triangle' but it just turned into a wasted mess that pleased no one. So do yourself a favor and don’t read past the first half of Vampire Knight; ohh what a wtf that became.) More 'harem' type stories with a huge cast of 'suitors' usually end up favoring one pair over another as the story progresses...with extremely obvious hints from the author about where their story's going. Ouran Host Club and Fruits Basket turned out like this, where you could tell who was going to be 'endgame' based on how the drama unfolded, and sure enough, the main 'ship' became a satisfying established item just as I hoped. The authors played their cards right and I have no complaints!

In stories like shonens where romance is not the main focus, but more a side thing or B plot, I can say that fma is probably the most satisfying that developed it naturally (without any bs) over the course of the story, and is probably the only ‘married with kids’ ending that felt genuinely deserved. (So I cheered when Ed/Winry finally became an established item!) Say for Bleach I actually did not have a problem with Orihime, since the story spent several arcs developing her side and how the feelings were mutual, so that becoming endgame was not a surprise to me at all; I was fine with it (even tho I had dropped the manga much earlier for other reasons.) Let’s see...other stories like Inuyasha and Full Metal Panic I was on board with their main pairings too. So for the most part, yes, if authors do it well (with proper setup and payoff) then I have no problem supporting their main het couples.

The only time it’s really a problem to me is when it’s rushed and feels like it comes out of nowhere (Kny, Naruto), or say...when the author heavily teases it the entire story but never commits (aaaah Soul Eater was so close!) Some leave it as a more open-ended thing (Kekkaishi) and that’s ok. Others completely sever it and leave it tragically hollow, unaddressed, and unsatisfying (Blade of the Immortal, damn wtf that felt almost cruel to simply part ways forever.) Others end up with no pairings at all if the story never needed them (or romance) to tell their messages (ex: orv, a korean novel which isn’t a manga or japanese, but it refreshingly had no romance at all despite the many teases going both m&f ways for the mc.) Edit: and also who could forget Blue Flag, where instead of the ‘main’ m/f pair, the mc chose his male best friend for a m/m ending instead!

So...what can I say? (Read more mangas beyond shonens not advertised as romance??) Cause most of the mangas I have read with properly advertised romance between their main ‘canon’ pairs turned out just fine to me - and it’s more of an outlier where they turn out ‘bad,’ but that’s also due to poor planning or rushed endings on the author’s part. Also if the (often male) author knows they don’t do romance well, then it’s preferable they don’t add it in over trying to shoehorn in something unsuitable last-minute. But for the most part, I’m here for the ride, and if I don’t like where the canon story is going, regardless of whether it even has ships or not - cause that’s more a secondary thing, then I’ll drop it. (But I also think...if an unfinished story’s not about a het pair at its core, then it’s presumptuous for readers to assume they’ll become ‘canon’ at all...if canon itself doesn’t even care about them - so yes I’m talking about bnha here, where nothing’s confirmed ‘canon’ yet, but it’s obvious even to Japanese readers what m/m relationship already represents the canon heart of the story.)  

[ethernetchord]

lets talk: popular iwwv criticism

(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)

SPOILER WARNING !!

lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)

i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.

oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.

we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.

“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.

if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.

alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.

i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.

i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.

the ending was rushed and bad

believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.

yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.

“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”

to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.

the characters were flat/archetypes/etc

sigh. okay.

these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.

“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”

“for us, everything was a performance”

“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”

“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”

“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”

are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.

“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)

i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.

a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.

bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish

as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.

i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.

[softyoongiionly]

BlackHeart Bakery

Who says Halloween can’t be romantic?

Pairing: Emo! Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Genre: fluff

A/N: HI OMG IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE. I love you, I hope you like it. I’m sorry it isn’t longer but, I still can’t wait for you to read it.

-you never imagined that the quirky lil bakery down the street from your university would change your life  

-But it did

-“Omg shut up, you’re so dumb.”

-“Rawr xD”

-“Did you just say rawr xD out loud??? That totally defeats the purpose of its existence...”

-“Don’t cite the deep magic to me witch, I was there when it was written.”

-“And now you’re quoting the chronicles of narnia- alright just go back to sleep you big dummy...”

-“Mmm but you married a big dummy so what does that say about you”

-“Jungkook don't spoil it oh my god!”

-“Like they don’t know what’s coming already- spoiler alert losers! I get the girl.”

-“I hate you...”

-“Mm yeah- I love it when you talk dirty to me baby. The last time you said that- we ended up fuc-“

-“Ok! That’s enough! Our story begins...”

-Jungkook’s bakery was quite famous around your city

-If people didn’t come for the gaudy Halloween decorations  

-They came for the music  

-Exclusively pop punk, if you’re wondering

-It was like 2009 everyday  

-Which was comforting, considering the world has gotten a little

-Tricky

-Since then

-But anyways

-If they didn’t come for the music or the decorations

-They came for the AMAZING espresso  

-And the spooky themed treats

-But if you’re being honest

-You think the main thing that keeps them coming back

-Is Jungkook  

-If his sweeping black hair didn’t get you

-Or the adorable cheeky twinkle in his eyes

-It was the tattoos and the piercings  

-He looked like he walked right off of a black veil brides music video set  

-He was hot

-This was obvious

-But he didn’t seem to think so

-You had come to the conclusion that he was oblivious  

-he shoved his feet into his big black doc martens every morning  

-Slipped on his beaded bracelets and studded chokers

-Pulled his fall out boy t-shirt over his

-Massive

-Tattooed

-Biceps

-And just thought hm

-I’m pretty average I guess (lol)

-That’s a direct quote from him btw

-Men truly are hopeless

-Jungkook opened the bakery two years ago

-He had mentioned to you that he had saved up money from his 3 part time jobs to put a down payment on the building  

-Which was wedged between a sex shop

-And a thrift store

-And honestly his bakery

-Blackheart Bakery, if you’re being specific  

-Fits right in

-Jungkook refuses to hire new staff

-“They won’t do it right.” He whined to you one day

-“One time I tried to hire this guy and he put the sugared googly eyes on the cookie skeletons ALL WRONG”

-“How do you put googly eyes on wrong?” You had giggled

-“you just do- i- See? This is exactly why I can’t hire anyone...”

-You had started chewing on the end of your pencil in the midst of your laughter

-It was an unconscious habit

-And it makes Jungkook shift uncomfortably, his hands moving off of the top of your table

-“Don’t do that...” he had muttered, smirking to himself as he walked back behind the counter  

-he did that a lot

-He’d mutter something  

-Mildly flirtatious under his breath and then  

-Just walk away

-It was quite confusing

-But honestly you had a feeling he was just a filrty person  

-You certainly weren’t the only girl he smirked at

-Not that you pay attention

-Ok  

-Maybe you do  

-Kinda  

-Pay attention  

-but it’s not your fault!!!!  

-You just  

-Can’t help but feel a little jealous

-You kiiiiiinda have a little thing for him

-Ok

-Maybe it’s a big thing  

-Maybe it’s a massive

-Gigantic

-Towering  

-Crush  

-But look at him!!!

-You simply couldn’t be blamed

-It was his fault  

-Yep

-That’s what you’re going with

-It was Jungkook

-And his tight t shirts

-His ripped jeans

-His dangly earrings

-His tattoos

-His big

-Stupid boots

-Ugh ok

-Focus  

-You have work to do

-The whole reason you began coming to Jungkook's cafe was so you -could find a consistent place to study for your exams

-You were in school to become a teacher :)  

-And teachers have to study very very hard  

-Educating the youth is no easy feat  

-Jungkook had asked what you were studying during the first week you arrived at his spooky house of baked goods

-“Oh I’m an education major”

-“Ahh so you’re getting an education about...education.” He concludes

-“I love it.”

-“So meta.”

-“Are they educating you on the disparities between impoverished children and wealthier children?”

-His wide eyes were brimming with genuine curiosity  

-You kind of got a kick out of how candid he was about such heavy conversation topics

-“Not as much as they should be but, I’m actually writing a paper on a similar topic right now...”

-This caused a brilliant grin to come over his face

-It was almost blinding really

-And it made your heartbeat all wonky  

-“Of course you are. You look smart like that...”

-He had backed away from your table then, seemingly satisfied

-Had you passed the vibe check?

-“I’ll leave you to your paper.” He nodded to your laptop but as he walked away, he pivoted back towards you on and the heel of his combat boot, “welcome to Blackheart Bakery by the way, let me know if I can get you anything.”

-Another brilliant smile is sent your way  

-“Thank you.” You had smiled back, sending a tiny wave his way

-Which in turn, made HIS heartbeat all wonky  

-You’re cute

-Like really cute

-And despite how often it may seem like his eyes are elsewhere

-They are ALWAYS on you

-Every chance he gets he is glancing your way

-Smirking to himself at how endearing you are

-Brow furrowed

-Lips pouted in concentration  

-Completely oblivious to his gaze

-He has to remind himself to look away  

-He doesn’t want to be a creep

-“Creepy men deserved to get kicked in the teeth...”

-He’s said this to you before when another patron had made you uncomfortable

-Jungkook kicked him out immediately  

-“If you don’t leave, I’ll have no choice but to kick you in the teeth. One, because I can’t compromise my personal philosophy and two because you’re making my favorite customer uncomfortable.”

-Oh look there goes your heartbeat again

-WONKY

-The guy leaves in an angry rush, flipping Jungkook off in the process

-Saying something about leaving a bad Yelp review  

-He doesn’t care tho

-He definitely doesn’t want to be a creep

-You’re just so  

-Pretty

-Ugh

-He rolls his eyes at himself behind the espresso bar

-The latte in front of him neglected  

-In need of a bit of foam

-“Focus Jeon, she’s just a chick...”

No wait

-“She’s just a woman. A woman who I respect, like I respect all women...”

-He’s been watching a lot of feminist theory on YouTube

-He likes staying educated  

-And also fuck the patriarchy

-The man waiting for his drink has arched a brow at this point, wondering if his barista has lost his mind

-“Uhhh medium...” he checks the cup for his awful hand writing, “ghostly toasted marshmallow latte!”

-“Thanks.” The guy mutters, throwing a judging look Jungkook's way  

-He gives him a lazy salute as the guy struts away with a briefcase in tow

-“Thaaanks.” Jungkook mocks him, his face scrunching up in annoyance  

-Stupid man

-With his stupid briefcase  

-As Jungkook is pulling out a batch of cream cheese frosting stuffed pumpkin muffins  

-Or as Jungkook calls them

-PUNK-in Muffins

-Movement at the counter catches his eye

-is that

-”oh shit...” He grunts, hastily wiping his hands on his apron and rushing over to the counter

-normally he would meander

-stroll

-or even slump to greet any new guests at this hour

-and by this hour

-he means 45 minutes before closing

-Jungkook’s bakery is open til midnight on weeknights

-9pm on Sundays

-and 3am on Saturdays (for the culture of course, gotta keep it spooky)

-tonight happens to be a Friday night and the person awaiting his assistance is

-you

-”You’re still here?” He gawks, the black polish on his nails glimmering as he punches in a few keys on the register

-You offer him a tired and slightly amused smile, “No. Y/N died around 4:30, you’re speaking to her ghost. Please leave your message after the tone.”

-Jungkook cracks a smile, his palms resting on flat on the counter, “Do ghosts check their voicemails?”

-“Oh of course not but, I will be checking yours because you have access to caffeine.”

-Jungkook laughs

-no...he giggles  

-and it’s fucking cute

-but you digress

-“I feel like I should cut you off...this is your 4th latte; I’m pretty sure you’re 80% caffeine at this point...”

-“Noooo, don’t do that.” You whine slumping against the counter, “I just need to finish this one page...”

-He quirks a brow as he scribbles something on your cup, unimpressed with your statement, “You said that three hours ago. I’ll make you another one but I’m not putting an extra shot in.”

-Your face turns up in protest but he click his tongue against his teeth , shaking a manicured finger at you

-“Ah ah- nope. I don’t want to hear it. You either take that or I’m making you a hot chocolate and shutting the buildings power off.”

-With a dramatic sigh, you concede

-“Ugh fine. Here-” You go to hand him your debit card but he shakes his head

-“Put that away.”

-You want to protest but given the fact that he’s made the rules thus far during this interaction, you doubt you’d be able to stop him.

-A smile appears on your face then, appreciative of his generosity

-“Thank you.”

-He merely grins, waving you off before rolling up the sleeves of his black Blink 182 shirt

-as soon as his tattoos are out

-all the moisture leaves your mouth

-you try your hardest not to stare at him

-expertly, he eases the espresso shots into the milk, tongue poking between his lips in concentration

-and you

-being sleep-deprived

-and a little loopy

-decide to  

-flirt????????

-if you could even call it that

-which you could but you shouldn’t

-“For the record, when I finally dig my way out of this of mountain of death I’m stuck in, I will definitely take you up on that hot chocolate...”

-Jungkook’s brow quirks at the tone of your voice, his hands suddenly itching with nerves

-was that

-was that flirty?

-should he flirt back?

-“My hot chocolate is legendary. You won’t be disappointed.” His lips display a small grin as he places the lid atop your finished latte, “Also mountain of death is a great name and I WILL be stealing it.”

-You giggle

-again

-“and I WILL be suing you for copyright.”

-He laughs now, wiping up the bit of milk he spilled

-the sinewy muscles in his forearm tensing and untensing

“Good luck getting me to show up to court.”

-and that’s kinda how it was between you and Jungkook

-for like six months

-it was a little bit flirty but never anything to push either over you over the edge.

-and speaking of being on edge

-recently, you had gone from vacationing in your timeshare on the edge

-to signing a 35 year mortgage contract  

-4 bedrooms

-2.5 bathrooms

-of pure

-unrelenting

-stress

-you could feel it in the middle of your back

-shoving itself up between your shoulder blades

-your body seemed to ache with it

-the worst part being

-it was Halloween

-You should be out with your friends, having fun

-wearing itchy costumes and drinking sugary drinks

-but instead, your headed towards the bakery to work

-Jungkook was behind the counter, smiling happily at a family dressed like the cast of scooby doo

-from what you could see he was wearing a skeleton onesie

-his jet black hair tousled perfectly above his head

-he looked adorable

-(and hot)

-He notices you instantly, his face turning up in surprise

-you offer up a small wave and head over to your table

-you know he’s going to say something about you being there but

-you don’t really have much of a choice

-this work has to be done

-it takes him a second to spot you but when he does

-he seems to perk up

-his smile brightening as he looks back towards his customer

-as you’re setting everything up, you feel a presence (not the spooky kind) at the end of your table

-it’s Jungkook and he has your regular order in one hand, along with something wrapped in skeleton-patterned parchment paper

-“I know, I know.” You acknowledge before he’s even able to chide you for being here

-He smirks “What are you doing studying on the holiest day of the year??”

-You giggle

-“The holiest day of the year huh?”

-“Of course. Halloween is the one night a year that the homies can dress like total -sluts and no one can say anything about it.”

-This makes you giggle again

-“And you went with slutty skeleton huh? I love it- it’s like as naked as you can possibly get.”

-He chuckles, gesturing to his costume

-His floppy black hair getting in his face

-“Damn right baby.”

-The way he grins tells you the pet name is a joke

-But the deepening of his voice gets to you anyway

-“Thank you for this. I promise I’ll get out of your hair early tonight.”

-“The only thing I’m worried about getting out of my hair is this white spray paint. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

-He’s put a streak of white spray paint in his raven locks

-Why? You’re not certain

-Does it look good on him, like everything else does?

-Absolutely

-Its been a few hours since your night of studying began

-Jungkook’s dropped off two free lattes since you’ve arrived  

-As well as a slice of his ‘I write cinnamon not tragedies’ bread

-Which was equally hilarious and delicious

-You caught him glancing over at your table a few times but you didn’t think anything of it

-He’s probably just checking to make sure that no one needs your table

-His bakery is packed most nights but Halloween is a special night at Blackheart Bakery

-He has a trick or treat counter set up with free (homemade) candy

-A photo op complete with a fake haunted house backdrop

-A Halloween playlist

-And a bunch of discounts on his signature lattes and food

-you watch him amongst the chaos

-He is completely unfazed

-He seems elated at the amount of customers he has

-he grins and laughs at something a man dressed like Thor says at his counter

-he seems entirely in his element

-you realize that the denial tactics you’ve been trying out haven’t been working

-because this floppy haired, tattooed, slutty skeleton/baker kind of has a hold on your heart

-you’ve been friends for a long time now

-he always makes sure you’re taken care of

-he always asks if you’re ok

-he always gives you this little grin

-it feels like a secret sometimes

-but maybe it’s been his way of letting you know where he stands

-he’s been bringing you lattes and pastries for months now

-he never charges you full-price

-he always reminds you not to work too hard

-he

-fuck

-he likes you doesn’t he?

-you look back over at the counter to see him bending over and handing a skeleton cookie to a little girl dressed like Captain Marvel

-he laughs at something she says

-his eyes focused entirely on her and whatever she seems to be proclaiming to him  

-your heart goes wonky again

-alright

-enough is enough

-you’re doing this  

-Jungkook’s done so much of the work thus far

-it’s time for you to seal the deal

-and if he rejects you, well…

-you can just crawl into a hole and never come out again

-easy peasy

-You can feel his eyes on you as you get up to take your place in line

-luckily there isn’t anyone else behind you

-rejection with an audience would certainly be worse

-Jungkook has his witty comment ready for you as you approach the register

-“I know for a fact you haven’t finished your third latte and I’m not making you another one until-“

-“I’m not here for another latte.” You laugh, trying to ignore the thrashing of your heartbeat

-“No? Well, are you finally going to try my Welcome to the Blackened Chicken Parade Burger then? I’ve been asking you for like three weeks…”

-god he’s fucking cute

-“I’m here to ask you out.”

-Jungkook swears he feels his heart stop

-“You’re here to…”

-He repeats the first part of your response as his he didn’t hear you

-his black fingernails anxiously tapping against the countertop

-“I’m here to ask you out- on a date.”

-Jungkooks face seems to go through various stages of confusion before a shy smirk presents itself on his pretty mouth

-“Me? You’re asking me-“ He places a hand on his chest, “-out on a date?”

-“Yes!” You laugh, slapping the counter a bit too hard, your nerves getting the best of you, “Are you down?”

-He shakes his head but his answer contradicts his movements

-“So down, beyond down. There is no one on Earth who is more DOWN than I am. Yes. My answer is yes. 50000% yes.”

-you can’t help the smile on your lips

-“great. So are you free next Friday then?”

-He grins with his teeth this time, nodding emphatically  

-“Consider the shop closed.”

-and so it was

-you returned to your table moments later  

-feeling on top of the world

-you did it

-you asked Jungkook out

-and he said yes

-and now you

-NOW YOU HAVE A DATE WITH JUNGKOOK

-LOOK AT YOU GO

-TAKING CHARGE

-you try your best to engage with your studies but with Jungkook on your mind

-its really hard

-roughly two hours later, things at the bakery have finally started to slow down

-“Hey uh- Y/N?”

-Jungkook's voice that pulls you out of your studying trance

-he’s standing at the entrance of his back room, waving you over with his hand

-and who are you to deny him?

-you make your way over there, annoyed at the instant increase in your heartrate

-he stands awkwardly to the side and gestures to the boxes on the metal rack

-“I just remembered that I’ve never given you a tour of the place. I give all my regulars a tour of the stockroom and my office and uh-”

-he cuts himself off and clumsily cups your cheek

-he pulls you into a kiss

-a really good kiss

-his lips are so warm

-he smells like cinnamon

-you could literally die happy

-The ridiculous nature of his first attempt to kiss you, makes you giggle into his mouth

-you feel him smile, his hands smushing your cheeks together as he pulls away

-“Ok I lied. There is no tour. I’ve just been watching you focus on your computer for the last two hours and you’re just really fucking cute and-”

-this time, it’s you who cuts him off

-“You better give me an actual tour next time. How else am I going to steal your secret recipes?”

-he scoffs in mock offense

-“Ah ha! So that’s the only reason you asked me out huh? Should I be calling you Plankton instead of Y/N? Ew no wait- that would make me Mr. Krabs and he’s a dirty capitalist...”

-You laugh, “Oooh good point. Guess you’ll just have to be Karen, my computer wife.”

-This makes him laugh now and the sound warms your soul

-“I could live with that- I like your last name better anyways.”

-with another kiss, your adventure with the emo baker of your dreams begins

-It may have been Halloween but it sure felt like Christmas to you

[kukuandkookie]

Sometimes I forget people aren’t used to consuming Chinese media like I am so they expect any bl to be explicit.

Like today someone referred to Childe and Zhongli as potential “queerbaiting” to me and I had to pause for a moment and consider this. I always take things in stride when it comes to what is called “queerbaiting” in Chinese media because we don’t know how strict censors are (sometimes bl seems mostly okay, sometimes it seems a little less okay, sometimes it seems okay as long as it’s not “anti-gov”... Oh, and the topic of censorship is a whole ‘nother complex discussion due to it happening because China rebuilt itself with all-new policies and was also westernized after suffering under colonization...).

Like I can’t objectively tell you if some of these series with bl are queerbaiting because it arguably challenges censors and in many ways, is entirely meant to be taken as canon—so is it really queerbaiting then?

Take Childe and Zhongli and their fenghuang chopsticks. That seems entirely intentional. A Chinese game using a traditional Chinese theme for an object exchanged between two men that represents unity, harmony, and marriage? That’s pretty much intentionally gay if you ask me, but maybe that is just me. 😆

But we all remember The Untamed and how Wangxian exchanged loving glances, touched each other constantly, basically got married (through symbolism of the forehead ribbon and the exchanging of chickens), calling each other a term that could mean either “life-long confidant” or “soulmate” and so on.

We never got a canonical scene where they kissed or said “I love you,” but we can see the intent there. We know what they’re saying. The same applies for the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. The manhua is more obvious about it, but they still cut a kiss scene... But since it appears it was still drawn, we can take that as it having still happened. And Mo Dao Zu Shi Q takes this further than the regular donghua too because the censors are more lax on them.

And yes. They are based on a bl novel, so it’s a little different from Genshin Impact, but if you consume as much Chinese media as me, you can usually tell when a team/author is intentionally using symbolism to suggest a canon couple, often with a traditional Chinese theme. Like why use the fenghuang theme? They really didn’t have to do that, but they did it. 👀

The animated movie Jiang Ziya used language that suggested Shen Gongbao and Jiang Ziya could be a couple, but it was never explicit. But hell, they basically adopt a daughter! I interpreted them as a couple but didn’t see it as fully intentional or canon until talking to a good friend of mine whose Chinese is better than mine. There were more hints and reasons to believe they cared about each other in that way, so we concluded it was way more obvious than we would’ve thought at first glance. And that’s kind of how China does it when the main focus of a story isn’t bl but there’s a potentially bl couple.

And even when there are censors, there have been a variety of ways Chinese media has skirted censors in the past. Like in Beryl and Sapphire, we get the “survivor’s cut” where things are censored and the “director’s cut” where things aren’t censored (so characters can hug, kiss, confess, cuddle, and so on). And Beryl and Sapphire, while originally designed by the author as two males, are designed so they can be in any story (bl or not) and were originally drawn in the comic as stick figures so you could imagine their gender as whatever you want (so they could even be girls’ love if you so desire!).

Or how in Spirit Pact the male leads kiss to give each other power or exchange vows but the manhua’s creator said it’s “not necessarily because they’re in love.” There was debate this is queerbaiting, but could the creator just be avoiding trouble with censors? The very fact the male leads kiss so much and care so much about one another suggests intent.

Now contrast that to Hualian from the Tian Guan Ci Fu donghua, where things are so obvious and it’s even gayer than the novel in some areas. People keep questioning how they got it past censors, and that makes me rethink how I view Chinese censors. However strict they truly are, Chinese media is very purposeful in how they depict bl couples.

So I don’t really think about whether something is queerbaiting or explicitly canon in Chinese media. I basically see something that can be read as bl through symbolism/language/metaphor and I see that as intentional. The creators are letting you choose how you want to read it, and you may never get the kiss you want, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t “canon.” There’s often intent behind it, and because of varying levels of censorship, I take the idea of “queerbaiting” in Chinese media with a grain of salt.

For example, Kaeya and Diluc use a term in Chinese very similar to sworn brothers, which can be romantic in Chinese. With modern day China, creators often use “sworn brotherhood” as a way to depict romance and skirt censors. And yes, I know the English translation labels them as two adopted brothers, which is also okay! But as I’ve confirmed with multiple native Chinese speakers, the original Chinese language used is not exactly family-oriented, and that can be viewed as intentional (that’s why you see some Chinese fans ship Diluc and Kaeya while the western fandom views it as incest). Language is complex! There’s no clean, clear-cut answer.

Bl is popular in China, but it’s not always the main focus of every series (you know, sometimes bl is the side couple). We could say You Shou Yan features an intentional bl couple with Sibuxiang x Tony/Tuye or Fei Ren Zai and All Saints Street feature the intent of potential bl with Yangjian x Guanyin and Nick x Lynn respectively; or Are You OK is bl even if the story doesn’t focus entirely on that but it does feature more than one bl couple; or Wo Jia Dashixiong Naozi You Keng is bl because it features guys crushing on other guys and sharing moments, even though the manhua isn’t about that bl romance explicitly; or see Nezha as having bl potential because of how it interprets the Nezha and Ao Bing relationship (to the point of even changing the depiction of the relationship between Ao Bing and Nezha from the 1979 animated movie to be more domestic rather than as enemies); or even say mihoyo’s other game, Honkai Impact, arguably intentionally features some girls’ love too.

https://youtu.be/vw-nx26xUQI

Maybe it’s just because I identify as ace and I don’t mind if there’s no signs of sex scenes and I’ve even grown accustomed to not seeing kisses. I love seeing other signs of love—like protecting your partner, being their sugar daddy, hanging out with them a lot, and all that jazz. If there’s a kiss, great! If not, that’s fine too because there are other things to suggest they’re canon.

So is Zhongli and Childe queerbaiting? I don’t personally think so. Those fenghuang chopsticks suggest marriage or at least harmony in unity, and marriage or “being together” can be seen as quite canon. Will they say it out loud? I guess not, but we have to acknowledge the context that it’s still from China and there are censors for them to deal with.

But if you don’t want Childe and Zhongli to be canon, that’s totally okay too! I mean...it is also a game, and games even more than media can be interpreted differently since every user’s experience differs.

Love is love—and that includes whether there’s a kiss or not, when the author/team intends it and lets you interpret it any which way, you can interpret their symbols as signs of how canon your two favourite characters are!

Oh, and as a finishing thought, here’s a list of donghua recommendations for anyone who wants to check some of these out! I include a lot of good donghua with pictures, descriptions, and links to where to watch. 🥰

[imperiuswrecked]

To me, it doesn’t make sense to make Magneto the main villain because it has been done so much before and it would connect it so much to the Fox Films. Also I think there is a GREAT laziness in writing Magneto especially in films. He generally didn’t want to kill all humans, subjugate them yes because he doesn’t trust them. Which isn’t a ‘good guy’ move in itself and he slips in and out of.

He legit murdered genocide I think when he was going to kill all humans. Like no.

I also think that the average cinema goer likes Magneto too much… or maybe that is me. It would also require them to recast the most famous faces of the franchises?

Like is anyone going to care if they recast Jean, Scott, Iceman, Rogue, Kitty, Beast even Mystique but Magneto? I don’t know. I have long been a fan of an actual Jewish actor playing Magneto but following Ian McKellan would be difficult for the casual fans to accept. I don’t think Fassbender left such an amazing impression.

Even my most average MCU fans friends (and god they love the MCU 😤 but I see past it) still talk about how much they want to see a Magneto solo film.

To me I would put the focus on their reveal and sentinels. Then again I thought they’ll go through Krakoa stuff. Like it turns out the mutants have been living on this Island etc

With the ‘simpler times’ comment I have to for the sake of my sanity have to think that it was because Pietro knew where he was. Things were clear to him, as much as it hurt he had his sister. The following trauma had not occurred. Again I don’t think this is true but I am trying to reason bad writing. He didn’t doubt his morality but was indebted and controlled. Shitty actions were out of his control.

I don’t read Avengers so I didn’t know he was shelved for so long.

I think the Trial of Magneto is trying to ride on the coattails of Wandavision because even though she’s not a mutant a lot of the internet was wanting Magneto to show up. So what is the best way to get those fans who wanted to see that? Set up a family comic book where they establish the family again because I guess the MCU fans heard they’ve changed their background and themselves didn’t like it.

I see the Trial of Magneto as something poorly thought out as they saw what the audience was interested in. The timeline kind of clashes uncomfortably with Inferno. Which makes me think it was wedged in there to ride the Wandavision train and undo the retcon on the side of the main storyline.

Thank you for reading my essay/rant

Ok so I'm going to first say you have a lot of great thoughts and great on picking up the whole forced feeling. You are right, it does feel wedged in there and it does feel forced because that's exactly what Marvel did.

The Trial of Magneto was supposed to be an X-Factor plot, it was Leah Williams next arc, here's an article link talking about her podcast: link (yes I know it's bleeding cool but I don't have time to listen to the podcast)

Leah Williams tells us that X-Factor was canceled because Leah's pitch for the Magneto/Wanda story for X-Factor, now called Trial Of Magneto, became such a popular pitch at Marvel but they thought the reader numbers for X-Factor wasn't big enough for this story, so they wanted it as a separate comic. And canceled X-Factor #10 rather than seeing it run as originally planned, with the Trial beginning in X-Factor #15. Williams says she only learned about the cancellation of X-Factor when she was writing #9, so as she had to finish the series quickly, squeezing six issues worth of story into those last two issues, calling it "cramped and rushed".

So I'm not a fan of Leah but the way Marvel treats it's writers has always been terrible so this cancellation doesn't surprise me. Could this be about W*ndaVision? It's likely, but it's more likely this has to do with Hickman bowing out. It's no secret literally everyone hated the retcon and I always knew it would be undone but I didn't think it would take 6 years but here we are.

Hickman leaving is a bigger thing, he stated in an interview ( link ) that he had planned Krakoa and X-Men to be a 3 arc story, and he wasn't allowed to move onto the 2nd arc because the clowns at Marvel liked the idea of Krakoa too much and I'm so mad because that's exactly the kinda behavior that annoys me with the fans, them thinking Krakoa is just a fun playground for the mutants to mess around with.

"Oh, plans have changed entirely," Hickman says. "When I pitched the X-Men story I wanted to do, I pitched a very big, very broad, three-act, three-event narrative, the first of which was House of X. And while this loosely worked as a three-year plan, I told Marvel upfront that I honestly had no idea how long the first part would last because there were a lot of interesting ideas that I had seeded that other creators would want to play with, and so, we left this rather open-ended. I was also pretty clear with all the writers that came into the office what the initial, three-act plan was so no one would be surprised when it was time for the line to pivot." Hickman continues, "However, I also knew that I was cooking with dynamite, and it was very possible that what I had written in House of X, and the ideas contained within, was not actually the first act of a three-act story, but something that resonated more deeply and worked more like Giant-Size X-Men, where it would represent a paradigm shift in the entire X-Men line for a prolonged period of time. So, during the pandemic, when the time came for me to start pointing things toward writing the second-act event, I asked everyone if they were ready for me to do that, and to a man, everyone wanted to stay in the first act. It was really interesting, because I appreciated that House of X resonated with them to the extent that they didn't want it to end, but the reality was that I knew I would be leaving the line early."

I'm so MAD because the thing I was predicting, that Hickman would have it come crashing down and everything would be revealed to be terrible and Mutant Death Sex Cult Island wasn't a paradise is never going to happen because the fucking CLOWNS at Marvel don't want him to move past it. I may have my personal gripes about some of Hickman's writing but we can't deny the man wrote one of the best if only the best Marvel Event with Fantastic Four/Avengers/Secret War.

As for the simpler times comment, like I have my theories that I wrote out here, and that's what I think is most likely but I do think Pietro's life has never been easy or simple once his adoptive parents died. Pietro could be drinking to a time before the Brotherhood.

I would love for a Jewish actor to play Magneto and any other characters who are Jewish. I would love for a Jewish writer to be able to write them too. However Ian's performance literally set him in the minds of the people as Magneto, not even Fassbender's bleh one note Magneto could compare. Imo the only reason people liked the younger Magneto was because he was young, handsome (? ig idk i dont simp for him) and they could ship him with young professor X (cowards. where is the old man ship???) But I feel like a new actor could definitely fill the role if they are Jewish and the writing was good.

Magneto's writing in comics... well I just wish we could have a Jewish writer for him. There's some great stuff for him but I feel like characters like him and Doom could be written better by non white/american writers.

Although by today's standards the og X-Men trilogy doesn't hold up I will defend the first two movies with my life simply because after Blade these movies opened up the idea that a good serious, non campy version where characters called Magneto and Cyclops were taken seriously. X2 in my mind was the definitive X-Men movie. Was it totally comic accurate? No, but it doesn't do what the MCU does, it doesn't treat the watcher like they need to have their hand held through all the military propaganda and "hints to the comics". Also side note; the reason no one cared about any of the other X-Men being recast is because all through most of the X-Men movies the focal story point has been Professor X vs Magneto. If they really want people to care about those characters/actors then we would need stories that focused on them. Not like how Storm barely had any character growth or plot in the og X-Men and even young Ororo got mishandled by the script. This is why I feel we should have "origin movies" for the X-Men that don't do what Wolverine Origins did and try to make a whole new cast but instead should use the stories as they are. If it was Kurt's story then we would see him join the X-Men, and have the other actors revolve around that. Same with each of the others, the X-Men work best when they are working off each other and each given enough screen/page time to shine. Unfortunately we all have our favorites, even movies and writers, so those are who are going to be pushed for fans to love.

Thank you for your long rant and sorry for my own long rant/reply.

[g0ldengubler]

Chapter 11 ~ Lurk

A/N: I feel like my smut is getting worse and worse aaaaaa but told u that things were going to get interesting (finally)! Also thank you so much for 3.1k reads on wattpad wtffffffff :') ....if i were to change nauseous all up and change this from a Y/N story to an OC...would it be good idea? aaaa but yes thank you for reading i love uuuuuu <3

Category: All three. Fluff, smut (NSFW18+ MDNI), angst

CW: masturbation, stalking

Summary: After getting a stomach bug, you aren’t able to go to work. But you do find other ways to cope the feeling of missing Spencer

Word Count: 1915

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a couple of months since the copycat cases, and nothing has happened since. You told Hotch and the rest of the team your epiphany and went along with it. Since no new files connected to them had dropped on the round table, you climbed on the jet and focused on others while also low key keeping a high profile. Something still felt off to you about these cases, however. It got to a point where you were just comparing them to your own life since there were a few similarities, like the locations-Detroit and DC. You grew up in south-east Michigan and then moved to DC for work. But when you went to the, "I'm a woman, and the women are the main focus" thought you knew it was time to stop that. That feeling would never go away, nagging at you to keep trying-that you were almost there to the truth.

Today of all days, you woke up in the middle of the night close to missing the toilet as your guts flew out. You called Hotch in the morning telling him that it was just a bug, thinking it was only a 24 hour thing and then you can head back in tomorrow. He told you about a new case they were going to in Arizona, and that tomorrow you would help Garcia. Later that morning, you checked your phone to see that Spencer was calling. You smiled as you slid your finger along the arrow, putting your phone on speaker so you could feed your dogs (or at least try).

"Hi bubs," you greeted, "I'm letting you know now that I-"

"Are you feeling ok? Did you take anything? Does your head hurt? It's probably going to last a bit longer than a day...maybe three are you sure you aren't-"

"Spence, I'm fine," you said calmingly, "I thought about that too but we haven't had sex in awhile. I have my ginger ale and all the bread and butter I can use to make buttered toast. Plus I have my children with me and if I need anything Seth is right next door. I'll be in the bat cave tomorrow with Garcia helping along here. You have nothing to worry about."

Spencer let out a little sigh of relief, or at least you hoped it was. He told you he would call tonight and check in and then said your goodbyes as he had to get on the jet. You spent your day laying on the couch, binge watching Matloft on the Hallmark Murder and Mystery channel eating as much toast as you wanted, thankful that you had some of your favorite ginger ale to make you feel better.

Feeling a bit better as the sun hid behind the buildings outside your apartment balcony, you decided to nibble on some chocolate. Monk now on the tv, the delicious candy handled well in your stomach. Your phone rang and you put it on speaker.

"How's my favorite doctor doing?" you answered.

"Doing alright," said Spencer, "but how's my favorite girl doing, hm? How's your stomach?"

"I'm feeling a bit better! I've been eating chocolate and it hasn't come up at all. Kind of missing home, too. A bowl of chicken lemon rice soup sounds amazing right now."

"Well maybe one of these days we can go back to your dad's cabin and grab some on the way! That actually does sound really interesting, you have my mouth watering already."

You both giggled at his little joke. It was something you felt that you needed and you were really missing him. "I wish you were here." you then said.

"I wish I was, too. I miss you, this case isn't solving the same without you here."

"Good thing I'll be with Garcia tomorrow morning...or maybe that's a bad thing now that I think about it."

"Oh I can't wait!" Spencer chuckled.

"Say," he asks, "going back to what you said earlier, have we really not have sex in awhile?"

"It's sadly true," you sigh, slowly getting up from the couch and heading to your room, "work has really been kicking us in the ass. Guess that's what happens when you take a month vacation, or taking one the day after you get back from your first case on the field."

A thought popped into your head. "Maybe we could change that..."

Spencer's voice went from playful to confused quickly, almost sounding nervous "I mean, of course we can when I come back, but-"

"We don't have to wait till you come back! What if...we tried over the phone?" You slowly started rubbing over your tits, softly squeezing them here and there.

"I-I mean..." Spencer went silent for a moment. "...are you sure?"

"We don't have to if you feel like you'd get caught. I don't want you to get in trouble from Hotch." You slowly moved your hand down your body. "But that just means you have to wait until you come back...and that would just be hell, wouldn't it?" You slid your hand down to your core and felt the wetness that pooled. "How distracting it would be if you were at the station, trying to put together a geographical profile or presenting the profile, and have me pop in your head from time to time, leaving you distracted from your work because you're thinking about all the things you want to do to me."

He went silent again. You knew you got him, and he knew it too. Picturing him in his hotel room, nerves building up inside him mixed with excitement. You heard movement over the speaker, the ruffle of the bed sheets, his breath hitting his phone. "Ok one last thing before we do this...do you feel alright enough to do this? Because once you say yes, there's no going back."

"Spencer, I'm ok. I want this." You reassured him.

He exhaled a little, as if all his worries about you fell off his shoulders. "Now c'mon, do you want your angel...daddy."  

Got him.

"You have no idea how much I want you," Spencer's voice was lower, both in tone and in volume. He went silent for another moment, "...how do you do this?"

You giggled at his innocence. "Just tell me how it feels...what you're thinking about. There's nothing to worry about, Spence. It's me. Just be yourself."

You took his lack of a response as a yes before pouring out his thoughts. "I miss you so much angel," he began, "I'm not going to lie, I was thinking about you earlier."

"Oh really? What was I doing?" You started rubbing circles on your clit, biting your lip so you didn't make a noise too early.

"I was sitting in the conference room of the station earlier today, writing up the profile. I was almost finished when I started thinking about how at about that time, you'd come in with coffee in your hands for the team. It helped me missing you, but then I started thinking about you in a red tank top because..well, it's Arizona," He chuckled under his breath, but it sounded more like he was hiding a groan, "Anyways, I thought about you in a red tank top, talking to me as I'm finishing up. Then, I gently push you down to the floor and l-let you do as you please..."

He stuttered as he told his story. He wasn't talking with his mouth anymore, his lust was taking over. The way he went from his normal self to slowly easing into a more darker, deeper tone, made you realize how fast you picked up the pace. "Who knew you could have such a dirty mind at work, Doctor." you said as you slowed yourself down a bit.

"You wanna know the best part? As soon as I felt myself getting hard, Hotch came in asking if the profile was finished. And...immediately, as soon as he left the room, I thought about you hiding under the table...mmm...continuing your work."

A soft moan escaped your lips before you even had the chance to stop yourself. His whimper caught you off guard. You never thought he would be so adventurous with his lust, but the fact he was willing and open to new things made you smile-you liked that in a person. You picked up your pace again, feeling like you weren't in control anymore.

"Fuck I miss your pretty noises, angel...Do that again."

He didn't even have to ask. You were imagining that your fingers were his, working on your clit while he fucked you so hard. You thought of his head in the crook of your neck leaving marks to make sure people knew you were his. You thought of his breath on your neck, and the groans and little moans and whimpers in your ear. You let out a string of moans as you heard him softly groan and whimper. "It feels s-s-so goo-d daddy!"

"Yeah? Are you close?"

"S-s-shit yes yes yes please let me cum daddy...fuck please!"

"Cum for me, angel. Let me hear you."

You waisted no time at all. The knot in your stomach tightened and broke as a silent moan left your mouth. You ended up a whimpering mess, mumbling his name and curses under your breath. "Fuck angel just like that...I-I'm gonna...cum oooh!" He came shortly after you, groans and curses leaving his lips. You thought you were going to cum again, but you were always turned on by his noises just as much as he was with yours.

After you both rode out your highs and calmed down, Spencer spoke. "That was incredible, Y/N!"

"I'm glad you liked doing that, bubs." You said through a smile.

"Liked? I loved that! We have to try that again one day."

"I think that's a great idea!"

"I miss you so much. But I'll see you tomorrow over the video call with Garcia."

"The video call?"

"Oh shut it!"

You both giggled at your little banter before saying your I-love-you's and goodnight's and hung up. You got cozy in your bed and as you were about to drift to sleep, a loud banging on your front door startled you. You stayed in your bed holding a pillow for a few before getting up, you're dogs barking like crazy. You grabbed your gun from your bedside table and slowly walked to the door. You looked through the peephole but no one was there. You tucked your gun in your pants before opening slowly. Looking to your right, and then to your left in the hall, no one was there. A crinkle sound came from under your foot as you tried to slowly step out. Looking down, you picked up the piece of paper and went back in. Back against the door, you looked at the paper. You felt your face go from frightened to panic as you read. 'No...this can't be happening...'

In magazine cut outs, the letter read:

"Did you connect the dots, you nerd? Did you find out that it's me?"

[basil223]

Queer Girl Rambles pt.1

(If you don’t like long stories that could be said in only a few sentences, skip this. It’s a winding road, so either get in the car and drive with me, or skip the party)

I’m a recently self accepted Queer person. I realized I was a homosexual a little over a year ago and it took a bit for me to be comfy with that. And then I decided I’d download the Her app. It was beginning of lockdown (although if you had asked me then I would have said it was mid lockdown, so I guess this qualifier doesn’t really matter), and I, as a socially out, but familial closeted person decided that talking to women on a dating app might give me a chance to spread my little gay wings.

It took about 20 minutes but a girl, let’s call her Hannah, messaged me. She was funny and actually held a conversation, and Hannah made it very very clear that she thought I was beautiful and that had COVID not been a thing, she would have asked me on a date.

I was shocked, delighted, and baffled. A woman? Liked me? I had never felt desirable before then. No one had ever actively pursued my attention before ~at least, in a respectful way~I was excited.

But here’s some things you’ve got to know. I am a college student. I am a college student who struggles with school. I am a college student who struggles with anxiety. I am a college student who’s main goal is to graduate with possible grades and this is her one try main focus. And most importantly I am a college student who is trying their best.

Sounds normal right?

I get busy, everyone does. Over the next week, Hannah and I seemed to be playing phone tag. One of us would respond, and then along while later the other would. Eventually we exchanged Snapchat’s.

Ok. More backstory...at the time I was taking summer classes, which is essentially a 3 month course jammed into a 4-6 week period. I was taking not only Physicsand Physics lab, but I was also taking Calculas. A class I had failed, in a normal term, twice already. My strengths are not in math or science but I had to take these to keep my graduation date from pushing back. For MANY reasons, it was one of the most anxiety ridden summers I’d ever had. But I handled myself. I’d gone to therapy a few years before, and I had some therapist sanctioned coping mechanisms, and some self taught ones. For example. Spoons. You have 20 spoons a day and you can spend them on whatever you like. Some tasks take more spoons than others, but you only get 20. So use them well. At the time, school was about 15 spoons. Staying closeted during a pandemic and social movements in a southern conservative home took up 4. Which left me about one spoon to spend. Most days this was spent laying on the floor with my puppies or attempting to keep in contact with my ride or die friends. Because that’s one of my self taught coping mechanisms, which may not be healthy or not. But when I reach my capacity, I shut out the world. I cannot respond to texts or calls or, anything. And at this point in my life, my friends understand that. If they don’t hear back from me, I don’t HAVE to worry about upsetting them( I mean I still worry but as I said. Anxiety). At the very least I can just text them spoons and they get it. I try to respond as fast as possible but sometimes things get pushed back a few days.

Anyway, back to the story. We had been snap chatting a bit, at least everyday, but it wasn’t the same. I began to notice that Hannah never seemed to talk about herself. I’d ask her questions about herself but I’d get very little information. And she’d quickly turn the convo back to me. And let me tell you. There is only so much of talking about my own life that I can do. I tried using convorsation starters or asking her opinions on things I had never experience but she had, and...still she gave little information and turned it back to me. It was frustrating, but I accepted it. Maybe she wasn’t as good a conversationalist as I first thought. And another thing I noticed was that she never seemed to be able to chat with me first. I was the one who had to initiate it first. One day I decided that I wasn’t going to message first. A few hours go by and I see on her story that she posted a meme about people not texting people. It seemed weird but I thought, no can’t be about me. The next week I tried it again. The meme was way more pointed and most could argue passive aggressive. I called her out on it, and told her if she wanted to talk to me, she didn’t have to wait for me to do it. She agreed said she’d do that. ~stage whispers~ she didn’t.

These passive aggressive story posts would continue for,gosh a half a year now. If I didn’t text her for a stretch there would be a post on her story about it. It got to a point where I wouldn’t open her stories or even Snapchat at all.

In December I got an internship, which is essentially a full time job and it’s expected I take night classes to accommodate this (it’s part of my major so it sounds crazy but I swear it’s normal). I was anxious and it’s been a huge learning curve. Throughout this time, I would off and on respond to her texts, I’d tell her how the internship was going all that jaz. But there would be days where my spoons we spent and most defiantly not on her. Her call out posts increased. My anxiety got real bad and her posts only made things worse. So eventually her messages sat in my inbox, unread, for 3 weeks. I contemplated never opening them. But I felt bad. I opened them and reexplained why I couldn’t answer in a timely mannor, apologized for the unintentional ghosting, and made it very clear that if she wished to continue texting me, that I couldn’t promis a prompt response. She said “don’t worry about it. I get it. Just remember to text me when you’ve got time!”

Last week J hit, and while Im still not comfy with what was going on in my job and life, I was mentally able to make a rare Snapchat story about getting to pick music at work.

I still didn’t have a lot of spoons to answer her, so her comment on my story sat untouched in my inbox till tonight.

Tonight I found the courage to leave a groupme of people I am no longer friends with. And I opened Snapchat to leave our Snapchat groupchat, when I began to think about Hannah. Because there on her story was another call out post. I had just left groupchat a of toxic people and yet here I was clinging to a girl who made me feel so bad about spending my spoons. Who could not, for whatever reason, have an adult behavior about her feelings and what she wanted and needed out of our “friendship”. I decided I’d remove and block her. I don’t need this in my life.

But her unopened messages were still there. I opened them. There on my screen was Hannah’s response to my week old Snapchat about picking music. The gist of the message? “Looks like your not to busy to post on Snapchat”

All my guilt and remorse flew out the window, and Hannah was immediately blocked from my life.

Why did I wait this long to boot her out? I think it’s because she was the first, and so far the only woman to show interest in me. And I was scared that by blocking her, I was giving up my proof of gayness. Her interest made me feel more valid in my identity.

But that’s the thing. My identity is MINE. And it took my first year of Gay to understand what that meant. I am queer. And that is not dependent on if someone of my sex finding me attractive. That is not dependent of somone giving me attention. I will not be giving others the power to hold my identity hostage anymore

[astrarche-x]

Six of Crows (+ Crooked Kingdom)

If somebody gave a penny for my thoughts on books, I’d have zero pennies, but here are my thoughts anyway!

It’s not a very spoiler-heavy note.

I know I’m super late to the party, but it’s only a month left to read the book before the show is released and that was a motivation to finally read it. (That and the fact that I have 3 written assignments due the end of the week). 

- I haven’t read the Grisha trilogy, but Six of Crows was perfectly understandable without it, so that’s an asset. I wouldn’t mind knowing more about the war in Ravka, but generally it was ok.

- Found family in a juvenile delinquents gang is one of my favorite tropes in fiction and this book is all about that, so I was absolutely delighted. I liked how it wasn’t very obviously sugar-coated - obviously it wasn’t horribly realistic (I guess), but it avoided the Robin Hood or “criminal with a heart of gold” trope and that was nice, because it would reek of moralism.

- I liked the descriptions of the architecture etc. and could almost feel myself walking through the streets of Ketterdam. But the descriptions of Fjerda were very inconsistent to me in regard to the rest of the novel - I kinda felt like I was thrown from historical fiction to sci-fi (all that laboratory stuff) and that was weird.

- The action was very well-paced - without unneccessary delays and plot detours, but at the same time giving the characters and the reader time to breathe and bond. The only aspect I wasn’t satisfied with was the ending - it was too easy to predict the plot twist and it drained away the suspense and the sense of high stakes. And while some could say that it means that the writer set it up well, I think it would be better if it was unexpected, especially given that it’s not the kind of plot twist that changes the reader’s perception of the whole book, it just marked the turn in the action.

- post-CK addition: in Crooked Kingdom I felt that the action was moving a lot faster and left me quite exhausted at times. The moments to catch a breath were a bit too rare, but at least exuisite every time.

- While I’m rather glad that the “multiple POV” trend is dying, it was pulled off well in “Six of Crows”, because the narrative was in 3rd person. That allowed readers to switch rather effortlessly between the chapters while still directing their focus to a particular character.

- the characters, aka the best thing in this book: they are all lovable in their own ways and honestly I can’t decide who’s my favourite (jk jk it’s Matthias and Inej). I think that the number of characters is just right, not too big and confusing, but allowing for diversity in narratives. I only had an impression that characterization of Wylan was dropped halfway through the book and he’s been a plot device for solving technical problems most of the time, which is kinda sad. Also his change in personality was a bit unexpected. 

- post-CK addition: ok, Wylan got his POV & his development, but I still feel like 75% of his character are family problems. I hope that maybe a reread in a few months will make me appreciate him more. 

- Nina and Matthias: my absolutely favourite subplot (and ship in this book). It’s been a while since I’ve read so well executed enemies to lovers. The emotional and sexual tension between them! The desire to love vs the memory of past wrongdoings! The wish to trust and be vulnerable again vs the fear of betrayal! Them disagreeing on fundamental issues but finding points of mutual understanding nevertheless! Them caring for each other more than they care about their causes, even though the causes are everything! The banter! I just... can’t. Their story is such a good blend of cuteness and dark themes. I found it extremely interesting when the first chapter from Matthias’ POV showed how he was kinda deranged by his stay in prison and his desire for revenge and for love that were knit together so thight. Whereas he more or less regained his sanity as the book progressed (I wish it was more developed) he was still very much not in the best mental state and that made him a wild card, so the plot twists involving him were convincing. I also think that his disillusionment with his religious militia was quite well-written (as for an adventure novel, that is, where it was not the main plot). I liked how Matthias was trying to play 4D chess with the rest of the crew with his schemes and Nina joined him in part. Also the scene when the Crows try to get back to their ship in Fjerda and Nina gets shot, but heals herself so fast... Damn, that was some king shit. I love their dynamic, even though it’s the epitome of problematic(tm) by tumblr, but oh well, I’m all in for eros/thanatos motives and some good chemistry. One thing I feel their relationship lacked were the sex scenes - this is probably due to the book being technically YA (and that’s another reason why writing it for a bit older audiences would be ok), but both Nina and Matthias are so horny for each other that I find it impossible that they’ve never had sex. 

- post-CK addition: my heart is broken but Matthias’ character arc? Pure gold. I was so proud when he started questioning his religious beliefs and tried to reconcile them with his love for Nina. Love one redempted magic fascist. Also poor Nina... I still kinda don’t understand why their subplot had to end like this - and it’s really tempting me to read King of Scars.

- Inej’s moral/religious dilemmas were so good and I identified with them a lot (not that I’ve killed someone, but still). Also I found her characterization to be top notch, because she clearly isn’t an extrovert, but is not reduced to “i have no social skills” stereotype. I love her. 

- Kaz was a briliant character and his plans were so well written... But I have one issue with them: especially in Crooked Kingdom, when there’s a plot twist, it’s usually revealed to be just another layer of Kaz’s plan. When does he have the time to set it all up? I know he barely sleeps, but still, it feels like it kinda gets out of nowhere. But generally I’m all for scheming, ass-kicking gang boss. I also like the fact that he was still a very skilled fighter despite his disability, which allowed the author to escape the “disabled body means he can only use his mind” trope (which is justified sometimes, but still). And his trauma was so well-written... Honestly, the first full flashback with Kaz clutching to Jordie’s decaying body was one of the two most disturbing scenes in the novel (the other being Kaz ripping Oomen’s eye off) and I kinda wasn’t prepared for this. On the other hand, the bathroom scene in Crooked Kingdom with Inej? It was so beautiful, so well-crafted, so intimate; I felt the world stand still for a while. 

- me looking at Jesper: adhd

 I found him very relatable in terms of escaping his problems and felt sorry for his gambling addiction. But I wish his struggle over his powers was more expanded - he is shown being in two minds about this, but we as readers don’t really get full insight into the pros & cons of both option. But maybe it’s just the character’s specific way of going more by gut feeling and I’m being picky.

- a pet peeve of mine: if the author was really going so hard for the tzarist Russia vibe for Ravka, why did she name her character “Zoya Nazyalensky” and not “Zoya NazyalenskA” or, even better, “NazyalenskAYA” as it should be? C’mon, names ending in -sky have their female counterparts and it’s not hard to understand. 

- what was a bit of obstacle to immerse myself fully in the Six of Crows was the fact that the whole novel was so well-planned and logical that I sometimes felt like watching the author’s creative process unveil - and while it would be helpful if I was looking for writing tips, I was there to have good fun and forget about my assignments, so it kinda got in the way. It was like “ok, I want them to get inside the prison... but how they’re going to do it? Ha, I know: the jailers’ carriage. Next: what happens next in prisons? Oh right, they will be searched and... probably put in new clothes. So no clothing and no weapons means it’s time for Jesper’s big reveal. This is where I pepper in his crush on Kaz. I can cross this off the list of his character development now”. The Crooked Kingdom was better in this aspect - as the characters’ subplots were more separated and the chronology was going in loops (character A’s POV ends with all people parting ways --> character B’s chapter describes their mission --> character C’s chapter starts again at the end of character A’s POV), it was more natural and captivating read. 

- Kuwei was... very forgettable. I actually for most of the time totally forgot he was a character. I know he wasn’t a main character, but I feel like I know more about Specht and Rotty, some totally secondary gang members, than him. 

[enigma-im]

Kindle Unlimited Recommendation

Dark Planet Warriors Series

Warning: Gore, violence, some situation of wrongful touching

Summary:

8 stories. The series begins with a bug infestation on the mining station outside of earth. A species called Kordolians are there to be the exterminators. After a meeting with a strange human our primary story kicks off while the bug story plays in background in some stories while being the main focus for several books. The consistent story for the other 8 books is a romance between the aliens and humans that results in a war for purity.

Person thoughts:

Great fuckin series. Almost every book has a different couple with only the very first couple being the focus several other times. First book is fantastic, especially the first sex scene. Its so good. The next few focus on the bug infestation till its dealt with then it gets back to the war. Don't skip them though, Riker is a treat that deserves to be acknowledged. My favorite one of this amazing series is Infinity's Embrace. That book has some dope characters. Electric Heart is my least favorite because it's like a real bad Watch Dogs (video game).

Rating: 9/10

Books:

Dark Planet Warriors

Dark planet Falling

Into the Light

Out of Darkness

Forged in Shadow

Infinity's Embrace

Electric Heart

Brilliant Starlight

Office Alien Series

Warning: Awkwardness, drug use, kidnapping (kind of)

Summary:

Three books about an office relationship with three different aliens. Each alien goes through the venture of courting a human woman. All of them succeed on confusing then educating these people on their culture. All the aliens come from the same planet that has been ravaged by a tough alien species that try to wipe them out with their superior technology. That isn't a plot point, its just an explanation. Each story shows the struggles of cultural differences and how education and understanding can help make the world a better place.

Person thoughts:

I adore this series. One book in this series actually got a perfect score from me, which is strange cause I'm a tough grader. The first book has a super awkward lad who just seems to hate everyone. Its really cute and I like them both though their relationship is filled with cringe. The second book I didn't much care for. The main love dude was kind of an idiot and was too blinded by acceptance to be a reasonable thinking alien. Still decent but Its not my cup of tea. The last one- sweet jesus- was amazing. It has a ‘my cousin Vinny’ vibe with their relationship where they fight often but its like their form of foreplay. So good. There is another series that’s super short that takes place 1 year later for each story. Totally worth a read after you read the series.

Rating: 8/10

Books:

The E.T. Guy

The New Guy

The Security Guy

(Christmas special)

Kraving Khiva

Warning: Sex workers, forced prostitution, abuse

Summary:

Eve is a virgin who is fed up with it. After her father's death she has been ghosting by in life with her best friend. After said friend points out a brothel of some interesting aliens she decides to give the place a try to finally rid herself of her virginity. After just one night she keeps coming back, falling for the sex worker. Romance ensues with lots of strife and abuse to keep the two from their HEA.

Personal Thoughts:

Man, this story represents everything I love in a story. Tons of fluff. It was a really good slow burn that I didn’t expect from a story about a prostitute. The cover gives the illusion of a typical middle aged mother romance - which I guess it is- but it has so much more. I only had one problem with the story, the ending. I felt they could have given more information but they just glossed over it. Besides that, hot book. The second one is really boring, just a slice of life that I couldn't get into.

Rating: 9/10

Books:

Kraving Khiva

Prince of Firestone

The Queen's Ransom

Warning: Near death situations, a lot of near death situations, gore

Summary:

432 pages. Long book. Jalia enters into a competition to win a great prize. The interest of great fortune is too much for her to pass up. Little does she know the treachery the competition hides or the actual prize. The king of Minotaurs is hosting an event to test the strength, endurance, and intelligence of potential wives. In a culture that values strength they refuse to accept a queen who hasn't been tried. Genius Jalia goes through challenge after challenge, nearly dying about every chapter while catching the attention of a charming king.

Personal Thoughts:

I generally don't have the patience for long books but this one never dragged on. Every chapter was captivating and riveting. The challenges were interesting and Jalia's solutions were pretty genius. The relationship between the king and her is pretty grand, I adore them greatly. My only problem with the book is all the potty humor and insults. She was a genius but her insults left much to be desired. Once her biggest annoyance is no longer in the picture does that kind of stuff end.

Rating: 9/10

Book:

The Queen's Ransom

The Kraken

Warning: Gore, racism, attempts of suicide(only 1 book), sassy AI

Summary:

A mysterious creature has lived in the ocean long ago, since the beginning of the settlement on this planet. After a nearly drowning woman is saved a series kicks off. Each book has a different relationship of humans and Krakens. Every book tells the story of how the krakens go from living in isolation at the bottom of the ocean to breeding with humans.

Personal thoughts:

When I first read this story I was just getting into monster romance. The love interests have fairly human tops but hella tentacle bottoms. So I was a little off-put by it but as I read on I didn’t care. The first one is pretty good for a start. The second one was decent, I didn’t really care for it. I actually skipped the 3rd one my first go around. Which is fine, it doesn't add too much and its short. Its still worth a read. The 4th one, fucking grand. 5th one? My all time favorite of the series! If you don't want to read them all at least read the 5th one. Like ask me for story details and I'll give you a cliff note for what's mentioned in that story then you can read in peace. 6th was ok, love the sassy AI. I didn't read the 7th one. Its two old people and I just can't

Rating: 8/10

Books:

Treasure Abyss

Jewel of the Sea

Hunter of the Tide

Heart of the Deep

Rising from the Depth

Fallen from the Stars

Lover from the Waves

Escaping Wonderland

Warning: Sexual assault, gore, lots of sexual stuff

Summary:

Alice is wrongfully placed in a psych ward that specializes in simulation therapy. She is placed in a pod then taken to the world of wonderland. This twisted version of the children's classic introduces a rapey mad hater and manipulative Red King. The main love interest is a playful lad who has more control of the simulation than most. The two run from the clutches of the Red King while trying to escape the simulation.

Personal thoughts:

I had very low hopes for this story. I didn't expect it to be as good as it was. It was a twist on the beloved movie and book. Everything was rapey and creepy and I weirdly loved it. Of course nothing too terrible happened to the main lady so it made those situations more tolerable but only just. I adore the main dude, shadow. He was a playful little mischief maker and I would die for him. What made this book better for me was when everything hit the fan they didn't rid him of his sassy personality. Most books make the cocky, silly, playful personality as something that is bad and needs to change. This one they didn’t and kept it. So good.

Rating: 9/10

Books:

Escaping Wonderland

Infinity City

Warning: Abuse, gore, sexual assault, dope ass fighting

Summary:

A city where criminals are more in control than most people think. Each book takes the reader through different adventure of different people. All having the similarity of protecting the ones they love. The first is of an assassin protecting the only woman who has made him feel so strongly. The second is with a mob boss hacker who grows fond of a shy human. The third is the second in command of the mob boss hacker who finds a pregnant woman in a menagerie and discovers she is his mate. Fourth is one of the workers of the mob boss's security team who gets taken by some slavers along with a woman he was entertaining for the night.

Personal thoughts:

First book sucked. He was obsessives and pretty much took all her choices. It wasn't till the end that he was like "my bad, you can leave if you want". Bleh. Second book was fan-fucking-tastic. Arc is a charming idiot with an amazing backstory. I didn't like the girl in the beginning but she grew on me. I love that he focuses on her but still pays attention to work and his 'family'. The third was surprisingly good. I generally don't like stories where someone is pregnant because they get boring. This one was not that. She was never a hindrance or weak, she was a badass. With her big kitty man they made an amazing duo. Also any scenes with her man and the baby made me tear up. He was so sweet. Fourth was boring, it reminds me too much of a lot of other stories.

Rating: 8/10

Books:

Silent lucidity

Shielded hearts

Untamed Hunger

Savage Desire

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While people watch TV or Youtube in their free time, I read. I have such a weird organization with everything i read because i tend to reread stories and forget i read them. the entire time i read it im like “have i read this before?”. so for books i write them down, rate them, then review them. i didn’t post the reviews here because it would be so many spoilers. Also i sort my favorite fanfics by fandom then relationship. i read so fucking much, its a problem at this point.

If you liked this recommendation drop a like, reblog, or reply. i will perhaps do another if you all like this. i have read so many books and i can post some decent ones and some god awful ones. perhaps you all can tell me how wrong my thoughts are on the ones i deem terrible. i think we will probably agree, ‘free’ books tend to have lower standards.

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

[alltingfinns]

Back on my bullshit (somewhat later than previously expected) and finishing the rewatch of A Scandal in Belgravia:

“Thinking about what?” “Your blog counter-“

Is he changing the topic or answering the question? Technically he’s still tasked with the phone although, again technically, it was retrieval of the phone not gaining access to it. Maybe he’s just thinking about John’s blog, it does tend to occupy his mind more than it does John’s at times.

“How can we not know?” John sees himself and Hudson as the ultimate Sherlock experts. Not Mycroft or Lestrade. Could be a meta nod to the narrator and the foreshadower roles they play.

Pretty lady he doesn’t know calls him by name and asks him out and he’s like sure, kidnap away! I know he has a danger boner, but damnit Watson, get some survival instincts!!

Wonder if there’s a point to make us think Mycroft other than “plot twist not dead”. Technically Irene could have been revealed a number of surprising ways without invoking Mycroft, and there’s a callback later to John just wanting to meet at a cafe.

“Sherlock doesn’t follow me everywhere.” Famous words.

“He does that all anyway.” So why do you think he’s heartbroken, John? Why do you think Irene means so much to him?

“I’ll come after you if you don’t.” The classic “if you hurt him” threat.

“Oh I believe you.”

He starts off so calm but by her second refusal to tell Sherlock he’s huffing and puffing. Irene gets way under his skin.

He’s so angry and jealous. I just... the way he explodes out “What do you usually say? You’ve texted him a lot!”

John just cares so much more about those texts than Sherlock ever does.

He just can’t fathom the possibility that Sherlock didn’t reply because he didn’t care.

Now we come to some infamous precise wording from John Watson:

“Are you jealous?”

“We’re not a couple.”

As you know, jealousy in difference from envy, involves an element of possession. Therefor it is usually associated with couples, which John and Sherlock aren’t at this point. At least not officially. But John is possessive of Sherlock, and is sensitive to someone like Irene taking him away.

“I am not actually gay”. John isn’t gay (in the strictly homosexual meaning rather than the more general queer meaning) as we saw earlier with him checking out the pretty lady.

Although thinking about it, that was just after he asked Hudson about Sherlock’s romantic history, so he may have been overcompensating. That’s probably what lowered his guard, the relief of getting to confirm his attraction to women post haste.

“But I am.” She mentions male lovers at different points, but she also uses her sexuality and understanding of others wants in a transactional way. So does she mean strictly-into-binary-women-lesbian or generally queer? It’s placed in opposition (and simultaneously not) to John’s statement, so probably the former.

“Look at us both.” John’s chuckle is a real “you got me there”.

John looks so vulnerable when he realizes what Sherlock just heard. But Irene knows that John isn’t ready to confront a Sherlock who knows how John feels, and uses that fear against him. Who knows what might have happened if John had just pushed through.

Sherlock’s eyes going back and forth indicates he’s deducing while walking. Depending on how much he heard there are two possibilities, 1) he’s trying to figure out how Irene is alive or 2) how John can be “not gay” for him. 1) is unlikely as he surely must have been tight enough on John’s heels to at least have caught the tail end of her explanation, but all options should be considered. With 2) some of you may wonder why he doesn’t need to deduce Irene being into him, because you forgot that she’s been flirting at him non stop.

Sherlock deduces some assholes messed with the wrong landlady.

Ok so how did Sherlock get back so much faster than John? Because you almost think he walked back, but even if he got a cab, why does John take so long? Maybe the fanfics are right and Sherlock is just magically better than John at summoning cabs.

Sherlock is impatient for John to take Hudson away so he can deal out justice without doing it infront of her or leaving her alone downstairs.

“Oh! That was right on my bins.” Classic!

Hudson is so important to Sherlock. Wonder if we’ll ever get their full story?

John smiling at Sherlock’s softness.

Sherlock probably realized there were more than pictures back when the Americans first showed up. Hence why he’s preoccupied with getting into it while John is preoccupied with Irene and what she means to Sherlock.

Oooh! The Netflix subtitles turned John’s “so she’s alive then” to “in other words she lied”. Technically both works, she lied about being dead which is kind of rude.

Also John please.

Drink in hand. “How are we feeling about that?” “Do you think you’ll be seeing her again?”

You know how people are John? I think this is a case of John is people. Irene shows up in one short story, bests Sherlock and leaves to live happily ever after with her husband. He notes that she’s remarkable as the only woman to defeat him and keeps her picture. (Which honestly is no different from how he asks John to remind him of Norbury, he wants to remember his mistakes.) Yet the mainstream view is that she is his greatest love, and people have written books where she returns to have a daughter with him.

Fucking straight culture.

Sherlock sending Irene a happy new year text like “there, John, you see? She. Is. Not. Special!!”

“You think she’s my girlfriend because I am X-raying her possessions?”

Fucking. Straight. Culture.

“They do, don’t they?” If you’re following Molly’s line of thought and thinking of people in love, I hate to break it to you Sherlock. You’ve been head over heels for one sharpshooting doctor for a while now.

Molly’s threatened by how Irene “loves to play games”. That is how John sees it; Irene seems like a perfect female counterpart to Sherlock. His jealousy of Irene is basically an expansion of his jealousy of Moriarty in the previous episode. Both John and Molly worry that they’re too boring for Sherlock.

Sherlock’s look while John details his ludicrously circumventional plan for getting the phone is priceless.

1058 = 2 * 23 * 23 if that means anything.

John’s look just before “Hamish!” is amazing.

Speaking of, his outburst is retroactively so much funnier after Sign of Three. Sherlock having to get ahold of his birth certificate to learn what the H is for, and John just gives it up when he thinks Irene and Sherlock are about to make babies.

Sherlock’s eyebrow. “I had to owe Mycroft a favor John. Do you understand the pain of that? John, I asked you directly so many times. You don’t even like her! Jooohn!”

The focus on John’s mug. Is she directing John’s attention at Sherlock by directing her attention to Sherlock? Is that the play she’s been building up for? (Note that if this was about Sherlock falling for her there would be no reason to involve John as much as she has at this point.)

Confirmed by how his deduction is followed by looking at John first. Since that cab ride he has lived for impressing John with his deductions.

Sherlock’s struggle with placing 007. He didn’t learn it for casework so it isn’t in his mind palace, but he learned about it because of John so it is still lingering at the edges of his memories. Also, been there. When you know there’s something but you can’t place it, probably a rare feeling for him.

Moriarty blowing away the letters with a fart noise. Another classic!

Totally forgot how much drama they put into Mycroft here. It’s more than a failed operation.

Sherlock: “WWII story”

Irene: “Have you had sex? Like, ever?”

She’s hungry, he isn’t. No means no, Irene, no means no.

Is it just me or is it kind of convenient that John isn’t there for the climax? Did Irene chase him away somehow?

Driver’s like “look man, our job is to get you to the airport. We don’t care whatever it is you’re rambling about.”

Wonder what the time lapse here is, seeing as the American intelligence officer (did I forget his name or did we never get it) is up and about.

Best way to let your younger sibling know they messed up, give them a ticket to a haunted house style airplane of dead people.

Well whaddya know? Scenes believed to be completely played for laughs were part of the main plot all along. How very interesting. It’s almost like there’s some thought behind the writing. Like things being played for laughs have something more going on.

This scene is where the parallels to The Private Life become glaring. Mycroft telling Sherlock off for halting an operation by getting compromised by a woman.

“Don’t be absurd.” Again, Sherlock deduced to impress John, so he doesn’t feel described by Mycroft here. Because Irene’s play was too subtle for the Holmes brothers to understand.

Mycroft “didn’t know”. He thought Sherlock would be safe from Irene because he knows Sherlock’s gay, but now he doubts. He doesn’t know that Irene acted through John.

Ahh, six months. That makes sense. Still, the guy should probably still have some breathing irregularity from that punctured lung.

Mycroft’s eyebrow raise at Irene’s demands. That high of a figure, huh?

Moriarty’s name is what turns Sherlock’s cogs. Mycroft helpfully supplies that Jim’s been trying to get his attention. Moriarty was dissuaded from killing him and John by a phone call from someone who had something he desperately wanted, and he was necessary for Irene to use what she had to get to Mycroft. She made the call.

People have mentioned this before but it bears repeating: why are you bringing up John? Also, why are you calling him Watson?

When he says “I know” does that mean he knows that she only made that the code as part of the role she played as being in love with him? He does say “got caught up in the game”.

Which I guess means he’s telling her “don’t method act, you silly”

“Okay, I’m meeting you at a cafe like you wanted.” “Wtf, Mycroft, that wasn’t even your underling I said it to!”

Ffs Mycroft! John was finally starting to realize Sherlock didn’t feel that way about her.

Que the piratelock AUs.

The things going on here. The last minute decision on what to say, opting for the comfortable lie. Sherlock very aware of that in ways John can’t known. “Please.” John somehow still preoccupied with her texts.

I’ve seen at least one fanfic mention that Sherlock probably felt he owed her for the pool rescue. Also he isn’t really inclined towards people dying whatever people seem to think.

The woman. She did beat him. He may have gotten the upper hand in the last inning*, but she did get him to play into her hands. Keeping the phone, means keeping a reminder of his own vulnerabilities.

Because ASiB is spread out over so much time, and someone has pointed out that Hudson wears a dress that is brand new in THoB, this scene takes place after the fireside. (I really should have checked for the dress in ASiB, get a proper timeline.) Maybe he’s laughing because he feels that she taught him to master his emotions.

Next up: My personal favorite of this series. Coming whenever it does. Time is a construct.

*) I’m not even sure what sports has innings. Is it baseball? It’s probably baseball.

[atlasfms]

                  ok   ok   my   lazy   ass   finaLLY   decided   to   be   productive   so   here’s   an   updated   atlas   intro   which   is   probably   mostly   the   same   except   a   few   lil   deets   &   an   fc   &   vc   change   !   (    😈   )   but   hennywa YS   hey   angels   ,   i’m   lina   &   this   is   atlas   !   i’ve   been   writing   this   pain   in   the   backside   for   almost   two   years   now   so   if   u   would   like   to   plot   w   him   pl s   like   this   &   i   will   come   to   u   ,   or   hit   up   my   discord   𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐚𝐧   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝   𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫#0369   !

new   york’s   very   own   𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐬      𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐫𝐨   was   spotted   on   broadway   street   in   𝐚𝐢𝐫      𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐧      𝟏𝐬   .   your   resemblance   to   𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒊𝒐      𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒗𝒂𝒋𝒂𝒍   is   unreal   .   according   to   tmz   ,   you   just   had   your   𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲      -      𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝   birthday   bash   .   while   living   in   nyc   ,   you’ve   been   labeled   as   being   𝒉𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔   ,   but   also   𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈   .      i   guess   being   a   sagittarius   explains   that   .   3   things   that   would   paint   a   better   picture   of   you   would   be   𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝      𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐬      ,      𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫      𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬      ,      𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬   .      &   (   cismale   &   he   /   him   )     +   (   𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒂      ,      𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚      -      𝒐𝒏𝒆      ,      𝒔𝒉𝒆      /      𝒉𝒆𝒓      ,      𝒈𝒎𝒕   .   )

TRIGGERS   :   DRUG   OVERDOSE   ,   DEATH   &   CANCER   .

:   //    𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒      .

NAME   :   atlas      (      to   carry      )      nathaniel      (      gift   of   god      )      arthur      (      noble      ;      courageous      )      deniro      (      notably   people   with   dark   or   black   hair      )      .

NICKNAMES   :   ace   ,   atty   ,   pain   in   the   ass   .

AGE   :   twenty   -   three   .

BIRTHDAY   :   december   third   .

ZODIAC   :   sagittarius   .

GENDER   :   male   .

PRONOUNS   :   he      &      him   .

NATIONALITY   :   american   .

ETHNICITY   :   english   ,   italian   .

LABEL(S)   :   the   jocular   ,   the   libertine   ,   the   lothario   .

OCCUPATION   :   model   ,   singer   ,   socialite   .

NETWORTH   :   50   mill

PROS   ;   athletic   ,   challenging   ,   charming   ,   curious   ,   daring   ,   debonair   ,   faithful   ,   forthright   ,   fun   -   loving   ,   humourous   ,   invulnerable   ,   passionate   ,   perserverant   ,   playful   ,   protective   ,   sociable   ,   spontaneous   ,   witty   .

CONS   :   abrasive   ,   arrogant   ,   blunt   ,   careless   ,   clumsy   ,   compulsive   ,   conceited   ,   deceitful   ,   destructive   ,   devious   ,   disobedient   ,   egocentric   ,   greedy   ,   ignorant   ,   meddlesome   ,   narcissistic   ,   obnoxious   ,   provocative   ,   reckless   ,   troublesome   ,   unstable   ,   vindictive   .

:      //      𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘      .

                  aldo   nathaniel   arthur   deniro   was   destined   for   greatness   .   everyone   knew   it      ;      hell   ,   even   the   biggest   ceo’s   in   new   york   were   shaking   in   their   boots   at   the   thought   of   what   this   young   man   was   capable   of   .   he   was   a   dead   -   ringer   for   his   father   ,   with   his   light   hair      &      bright   blue   eyes   ,   he   had   looks   ,   charms   ,      &      a   good   head   on   his   shoulders   .      &      like   his   father   ,   he   knew   what   he   wanted                        the   family   business   .   but   first   ,   he   had   to   go   to   college   .      &      only   ivy   league   would   do   for   the   son   of   one   of   the   world’s   richest   ceo’s   .

                  columbia   university   was   highly   prestigious   ,   private   ,      &      the   fifth   chartered   institution   of   higher   learning   in   the   united   states   .   besides   ,   it’s   business   school   was   one   of   the   oldest   in   the   world   ,   so   what   more   could   the   future   owner   of   the   family   company   want      ?      in   this   instance   ,   a   girlfriend   ,   but   he   didn’t   know   it   yet   .   when   nathaniel   met   scarlett   baccouche   ,   daughter   of   two   british   politicians   ,   they   didn’t   exactly   get   off   with   the   best   start                        they   hated   each   other   ,   in   fact   .   but   what   was   once   hate   turned   into   an   epic   love   story      &      after   they   graduated   ,   they   got   married   .   not   long   after   that   ,   they   had   the   twins   .

                  the   twins   were   stunning   ,   born   five   minutes   apart      &   kept   in   an   incubator   for   a   matter   hours   .   everyone   celebrated      ;      the   family   ,   friends   ,   even   supporters   of   the   notorious   family   .   his   hair   was   fair      &      there   were   arguments   over   whether   his   eyes   were   his   mother’s   or   his   father’s   .   but   since   he   was   born   ,   the   main   question   was   whether   he’d   follow   in   his   father’s   footsteps   or   his   mother’s   .   would   he   give   the   family   company   a   modern   twist      ?      would   he   be   this   generation’s   brad   pitt      &      be   the   star   of   hit   blockbusters   in   upcoming   years      ?      people   were   excited   ,   even   more   so   when   they   had   another   baby   ,   but   atlas   wasn’t   .   he   was   nowhere   near   it   .

                  the   deniro   household   had   it’s   challenges   .   they   seemed   like   the   perfect   family   unit   ,      &      perhaps   they   were   ,   but   aldo      &      scarlett   had   other   ideas   .   they   were   quite   strict   in   raising   their   children   ,   teaching   them   to   never   slouch   ,   to   use   your   manners   ,   to   keep   up   a   perfect   reputation   .   it   wasn’t   the   family   name   that   was   at   stake   ,   but   also   their   future   ,   because   like   everyone   else   in   the   world   expected   ,   they   wanted   their   children   to   grow   up      &      take   over   one   of   their   careers   ,      &      they   groomed   them   to   do   just   that   .   atlas   hated   it   .

                  he   hated   the   daily   tutors   supplied   by   his   father   ,   lessons   in   business      &      the   history   of   the   family’s   .   he   despised   the   acting   classes   his   mother   forced   him   to   take   ,   ones   which   he’d   often   skip   out   on   but   then   would   get   into   trouble   once   his   parents   found   out   .   he   felt   trapped      ;      forced   to   do   things   he   grew   to   loathe   .   to   him   ,   it   was   obvious   that   he   could   do   neither   of   the   things   his   parents   wanted   him   to   do   .   so   the   more   they   pushed   ,   the   more   he   pulled   away   .   he   started   to   feel   less   like   their   son   but   a   puppet   whose   strings   they   kept   pulling   .

                  what   he   didn’t   hate   ,   though   ,   was   the   feeling   if   his   fingers   on   guitar   strings   ,   singing   in   the   shower   because   that   was   the   only   place   he   could   sing   without   his   parents   complaining   about   him   making   a   noise   .   diane   would   often   smile   at   him   after   they   chastise   him      &      quietly   compliment   him   on   his   voice   ,   telling   him   he’d   do   great   things   one   day   .   of   course   ,   he   already   knew   this   .   his   music   teacher   told   him   once   that   he   could   sing   the   birds   to   silence   .

                  school   was   enjoyable   ,   as   it   goes   .   all   deniro   children   were   educated   in   a   private   school   ,      &      although   he   was   close   to   his   sisters   ,   he   made   friends   easily   .   he   had   a   charming   smile      &      witt   that   only   few   would   understand   ,   he   was   the   sort   of   kid   who   got   along   with   anyone   ,   but   he   couldn’t   consider   any   of   them   to   be   close   friends   .   so   whereas   to   them   he   looked   happy   ,   he   was   quite   the   opposite      ;      atlas   eventually   got   tired   of   his   parents   controlling   his   life   so   instead   of   keeping   up   his   otherwise   impeccable   reputation   ,   he   started   to   rebel   .

                  he   didn’t   really   do   a   lot   at   first   .   snuck   out   to   a   few   parties   ,   stayed   out   later   than   his   curfew   allowed   him   to   .   did   the   opposite   of   everything   his   parents   wanted   him   to   do   ,   be   that   going   to   the   classes   they   arranged   for   him   or   behave   himself   in   general   .   he   just   wanted   to   live   his   own   life   ,   do   what   he   wanted   .   he   wanted   to   focus   on   his   music      &      follow   a   path   that   he   knew   he   would   enjoy   .   so   he   decided   he’d   do   just   that   ,      &      for   a   while   he   felt   a   little   glimpse   of   what   being   truly   happy   felt   like   .

                  however   in   high   school   ,   atlas   got   involved   with   the   wrong   crowd   .   they   introduced   him   to   a   world   he   had   yet   to   really   experience      ;      a   world   full   of   alcohol   ,   sex   ,   drugs   ,      &      general   trouble   .   he   knew   he   shouldn’t   have   stuck   around   it   ,   but   it   was   addicting   .   it   was   so   unlike   the   restrained   life   he   grew   up   with   ,   that   he   jumped   right   into   it      &      found   himself   unable   to   get   out   of   .   there   was   more   to   it   ,   though   .   the   more   he   rebelled   the   more   people   started   to   notice   him   .   how   structured   his   jawline   was   ,   how   illuminated   his   eyes   were   under   any   light   .

                  atlas   hadn’t   really   had   an   interest   in   social   media   before   .   of   course   ,   he   had   an   instagram   account   that   he   barely   used   ,      &      didn’t   really   start   using   until   someone   mentioned   he   should   start   modelling   .   sure   ,   they   were   joking   but   avery   actually   considered   it      &      started   posting   pictures   of   himself   .   his   following   plummeted   ,      &      in   the   november   of   his   sophomore   year   he   was   scouted   a   modeling   agency      &      became   one   of   vogue’s   most   promising   talents   .

                  his   career   exploded   from   then   on   ,      &      so   did   his   popularity   .   he   met   people   he   would   never   have   had   the   chance   to   meet   otherwise   ,   more   specifically   someone   called   jason   .   the   pair   quickly   became   good   friends   ,   they   went   to   the   same   school   so   it   was   convenient   .   jason   acted   as   a   good   influence   on   avery   but   atlas   acted   like   a   bad   influence   on   him   ,   dragging   him   into   the   world   he   found   himself   stuck   in   which   is   when   things   started   going   downhill   .   jason   grew   a   little   too   accustomed   to   narcotics   ,   but   at   first   atlas   didn’t   notice   .   he   wasn’t   really   one   to   talk   ,   anyway   .

                  one   night   the   boys   headed   to   los   angeles   to   celebrate   their   upcoming   graduation   ,      &      before   going   for   a   night   out   they   decided   to   have   pre   -   drinks   in   their   hotel   room      &      started   popping   pills   .   atlas   didn’t   really   see   how   many   jason   took   ,   but   before   he   could   warn   him   it   was   already   too   late   .   everything   else   from   that   night   was   a   blur   of   blue   flashing   lights      &      a   lot   of   strangers   shouting   out   medical   terms   he   didn’t   understand   .   the   only   thing   he   really   remembered   from   that   night   were   the   words   ‘   he’s   dead   ’   .      &      an   overwhelming   feeling   that   it   was   his   fault   .

                  the   tragedy   of   jason’s   death   left   atlas   in   a   state   of   seclusion   .   he   spent   three   solid   months   alone   in   his   room   ,   blaming   himself   for   what   happened   ,   but   he   didn’t   stop   the   drugs   .   if   anything   ,   he   used   them   as   an   escapism   ,      &      when   his   parents   gave   him   an   ultimatum      :      rehab   or   college   ,   he   chose   the   latter   .   he   enrolled   in   columbia      &      took   up   the   same   business   course   his   father   did   .   for   the   first   month   ,   he   was   bitter   ,   cold   to   everyone   ,   would   barely   talk   if   he   could   help   it   .

                  but   some   of   his   old   school   friends   went   to   the   same   college   as   him   ,      &      atlas   started   to   feel   more   like   himself   again      (      or   a   version   of   himself   that   felt   similar   to   what   he   was   before      )      &      tried   to   forget   jason      &      everything   that   happened   .   his   parents   has   covered   up   the   death   so   avery   wasn’t   related   to   it   ,   a   cleverly   articulated   plan   to   keep   it   out   of   the   papers   .   but   that   didn’t   stop   the   questions   ,   which   avery   would   quickly   divert   in   order   to   forget   .   he   had   to   forget   .

                  he   didn’t   .   jason   was   his   friend   ,      &      one   of   the   few   people   who   truly   understood   him   .   jason   always   believed   in   atlas’s   music   ,   so   it   only   felt   right   that   he   returned   to   him   .   if   not   for   himself   ,   then   for   the   memory   of   his   late   friend   .   so   he   dropped   out   of   college   ,   found   himself   a   management      &      started   writing   songs   ,   composing   music   .   at   first   it   was   difficult      ;      every   time   he   sang   a   song   or   played   a   tune   ,   he’d   remember   jason   .   but   after   time   he   eased   into   it   ,   dropped   out   of   college   ,      &      has   been   working   on   his   first   album   ever   since   .

                  atlas   became   an   all   together   different   person   .   he   became   manipulative   ,   deceitful   ,   partying   every   night   to   erase   the   memory   of   that   night   like   it   would   somehow   go   away   ,   but   it   didn’t   .   every   time   he’d   close   his   eyes   ,   he’d   see   his   lifeless   friend   ,   so   he’d   stop   closing   them   .   he’d   spend   nights   in   a   stranger’s   bed   ,   only   to   leave   in   the   middle   of   the   night   .   he’d   drink   away   the   pain      &      swallow   down   the   guilt   that   was   threatening   to   swallow   him   alive   .

                  what   atlas   doesn’t   know   ,   though   ,   is   a   secret   his   parents   are   keeping   from   him   .   in   early   january   this   year   ,   his   father   was   diagnosed   with   localised   prostate   .   after   the   loss   of   jason   ,   atlas   became   distant   from   his   parents      &      they   didn’t   want   to   burden   him   with   the   news   due   to   him   only   just   getting   back   to   his   normal   self   after   the   trauma   of   losing   his   best   friend   .

:      //      𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘      .

                  outwardly   ,   atlas   appears   to   be   quite   content   .   he   can   start   a   conversation   with   anyone   ,   act   like   he’s   interested   but   then   three   minutes   later   he’ll   get   bored      &      move   onto   the   next   thing   that   interests   him   .   he   likes   staying   busy         &      preoccupied   ,   thinking   that   if   he   keeps   his   mind   busy   ,   he   won’t   think   about   the   past   .   it’s   for   that   reason   that   it’s   hard   to   tell   what   he’s   actually   thinking   ,   unless   you   know   him   really   well   or   are   good   at   reading   people   .

                  he   can   be   very   cynical   ,   a   trait   that   he’s   carried   since   he   was   young   but   he   was   better   at   hiding   it   then   ,   now   he   really   does   not   care   .   at   first   it   mattered   to   him   what   people   thought   ,   now   he   couldn’t   care   less   .   he   does   what   he   wants   when   he   wants   ,   often   not   thinking   about   the   consequences   of   his   actions      &      then   dealing   with   them   later   .   it’s   for   this   reason   that   he   can   be   quite   manipulative   ,   using   his   charms   to   get   what   he   wants      (      or   who   he   wants      )      to   serve   as   a   distraction   .

                  he   can   be   quite   brutal   about   his   opinions   ,   learning   a   long   time   ago   that   holding   your   tongue   won’t   benefit   you   at   all   so   he   basically   just   says   what   he   wants   .   but   ,   he   doesn’t   really   answer   questions   directly   ,   especially   if   they’re   personal   .   he’ll   more   likely   change   the   subject   or   divert   the   question   to   someone   else      &      act   like   he   was   the   one   who   asked   the   question   in   the   first   place   .

            atlas   is   very   reckless      &      will   literally   do   anything   for   a   good   time   ,   be   that   getting   so   drunk   his   face   hits   the   floor   ,   or   so   high   he   forgets   his   own   name   ,   or   to   even   cliff   diving   so   he   can   get   some   form   a   thrill   .   if   someone   tells   him   he   can’t   do   something   ,   he’ll   go   out   of   his   way   to   prove   them   wrong   .   he’s   incredibly   stubborn      &      has   a   tendency   to   let   people’s   words   go   through   one   ear      &      out   of   the   other   .

:      //      𝐅𝐔𝐍      𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒      .

he’s   honestly   such   a   lil   shit   tbh      ??      idk   how   else   to   describe   him

he’s   a   vegetarian      &      has   been   since   he   was   eight   bc   he   watched   this   documentary   once      &      was   Distraught

his   vc   is   lauv      (   ily   bazzi   pls   forgive   me   )

he   has   a   dog   called   bloomer      &      he’s   his   literal   son   ,   like   his   actual   child

he   still   lives   in   his   huge   ass   penthouse   so   if   anyone   wants   2   be   his   roommate   that’s   a   plot   for   u

atlas   is   literally      ??      such   a   fuckboy      ??      but   he   denies   it      &      says   he’s   just   charming   ,   when   rly   he’s   a   lil   bitch

a   dramatic   hoe   who   lives   for   drama   but   is   100%   the   sort   who   will   run   away   if   it   gets   too   much   bc   he’s   a   mess

when   he’s   dedicated   to   something   ,   be   it   a   subject   or   a   relationship   ,   he’s   completely   faithful   which   is   v   surprising

adores   his   fans      &      will   actually   do   anything   for   them   ,   has   been   known   to   punch   out   a   security   guard   or   two   so   he   can   get   to   them

fun   fact   once   he   got   arrested   for   racing   on   private   property

another   fun   fact   is   he   loves   cars   so   pls   do   not   touch   his   bbies   thank   u

he   might   seem   all   fine      &      dandy   but   he’s   on   the   verge   of   a   mental   breakdown   but   won’t   admit   it

gets   drunk   ,   high   ,      &      hooks   up   with   strangers   on   the   regular

he’s   fluent   in   italian      &      has   a   HUGE   italian   family

atlas   can   come   across   as   being   ignorant      &         self   -   absorbed   ,   but   he’s   actually   really   observant      &      notices   everything

is   100%   the   sort   of   ‘   fall   in   love   with   the   moment      &      think   you’re   in   love   with   the   girl   ’   type   of   guy   but   it   lasts   for   like   2   seconds   bc   he’s   fickle

speaking   of   fickle   ,   he’s   had   many   relationships   that   haven’t   lasted   that   long   bc   he   can’t   decide   what   he   wants   from   one   minute   to   the   next

:      //      𝐓𝐇𝐄      𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐒      .

                  last   time   i   didn’t   do   a   summary   of   the   deniros   but   honestly   they’re   apart   of   me   just   like   atlas   himself   ,   so   i   wanted   to   do   a   few   quick   bullet   points   bc   who   doesn’t   love   a   huge   ass   italian   family      !

obviously   ,   the   deniros   come   from   an   italian   decent      &      let’s   put   it   this   way   ...   there’s      a   lot      of   them   .

the   deniros   originate   from   florence   ,   italy      &      although   there’s   an   ever   growing   list   of   little   additions      &      the   fact   that   they   ,   for   the   most   part   live   in   different   parts   of   the   world   ,   they’re   an   incredibly   tight   -   kint   family   .

the   deniros   are   also   very   ,   very   rich   ,   like   multi   -   billionaire   rich   which   collectively   brings   the   family’s   net   worth   to   obviously   extortionate   amounts   .

there   are   multiple   businesses   which   certain   members   of   the   family   is   responsible   for   ,   but   atlas’s   father   has   by   far   the   most   profited      &      therefore   most   stressful   one   .   the   company   that   literally   brands   the   family   is   called   ‘   allora   ’   ,      &      they’re   a   parent   company   for   some   very   expensive      &      luxurious   brands      (      i.e.   victoria’s   secret   ,   gucci   ,   there’s   more   but   like   the   failure   i   am   i   have   Forgotten      )

the   deniros   are   a   very   proud      &      highly   anticipated   family   ,   success   meaning   more   to   them   than   it   does   the   average   person

despite   this   however   ,   they’re   incredibly   traditional      &      spend   nearly   every   holiday   together   ,   as   organised   by   nonno   arnaldo      &      nonna   corina   .

atlas’s   favourite   uncle   is   by   far   his   uncle   toni      (      i   see   u   vi   hitting   up   his   ims      )

there’s   a   long   line   of   twins   in   the   family   ,   including   atlas      &      his   twin   as   well   as   their   father   ,   who   is   twins   with   their   aunt   camilla

they   have   kind   of   .....   a   pattern   w   names   sufjgjji   they   all   match   alphabetically   in   some   way   because   their   grandparents   are   obsessed   with   aesthetics

they   have   their   own   tv   show   coming   up      !      stay   tuned   for   more

uhhh   there’s   probs   more   so   i’ll   come   back   to   this

:      //      𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄   :   𝐀𝐒   𝐎𝐅   𝟏𝟑/   𝟎𝟒/   𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟗   .

                  good   god   so   much   has   happened   since   i   first   brought   atlas   to   life   agfkgjo   so   here’s   a   little   update   since   i’m   too   lazy   to   write   that   huge   ass   biography   all   over   again      !

ok   so   he’s   still   a   little   bitch   ...   but   it’s   more   now   with   the   intention   of   being   a   little   bitch   than   it   is   accidental

he’s   released   his   first   album      !      it’s   titled   ‘   damage   control   ’      &      has   reached   amazing   success   .   his   world   tour   starts   in   august      &      he’s   incredibly   excited      !

he’s   also   had   the   opportunity   to   work   with   some   incredible   brands   ,      &      is   very   soon   going   to   be   the   face   of   an   incredibly   successful   brand   that   u’ll   learn   more   about   later   probably

as   for   his   modeling   work   ,   he’s   the   male   ambassador   of   paco   rabanne’s   fragrance   ‘   1   million   ’   ,   he   has   his   own   personalised   clothing   line   collaboration   with   calvin   klein   ,   has   been   working   with   prada   A   LOT   recently   as   well   as   some   other   brands   i’m   too   lazy   to   think   of

last   year   he   won   the   fashion   awards’   model   of   the   year      !      look   at   him   popping      !

it’s   not   all   sunshine      &      rainbows   though      (      is   it   ever   avdhgj      )      because   after   a   recent   questioning   at   the   police   station      (      there’s   a   self   -   para   somewhere      )      he’s   been   getting   flashbacks   of   memories   he’s   been   pushing   back   ever   since   jason   died   ,   but   now   they’re   all   coming   back   so   he’s   been   resorting   to   drinking   excessively      &      abusing   drugs   more   than   usual   just   to   forget

in   the   same   light   ,   he’s   also   started   racing   again      &      starting   fights   with   people   for   the   heck   of   it

so   basically   ......   he’s   a   huge   ass   mess   like   a   bigger   mess   than   usual

BUT   HE’LL   GET   BETTER      !!!      it   just   might   take   some   time      &      some   help   to   get   there   but   he’ll   be   better

:      //      𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄   :   𝐀𝐒   𝐎𝐅   𝟎𝟗/𝟏𝟎/   𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟗   .

atlas   has   had      .   .   .      a   little   bit   of   a   wild   ride   the   past   few   months   fjdkgng

on   the   anniversary   of   jace’s   passing   ,   he   was   in   a   dark   place      &      ended   up   overdosing   ,   landing   him   in   a   three   day   coma

after   That   drama   ,   he   was   slammed   into   therapy   sessions      &      had   to   cancel   his   debut   tour   which   he   was   not   happy   abt   but   🤷🏼‍♀️   that’s   what   happens   when   u   do   stupid   shit   atlas

so   yeah   ,   he’s   been   going   through   it   the   past   few   months   ,   facing   his   worst   fears   etc   but   eventually   he’s   getting   BETTER

he   was   well   enough   to   take   part   in   fashion   month   so   i’d   say   he’s   doing   good      !

his   relationship   with   his   dad   is   improving      ??      not   Improved   but   after   his   overdose   his   dad   stop   being   pushy      &      atlas   realised   that   he’s   been   a   dick   to   him   too   so   they’re   on   the   mend

they   even   struck   a   deal   that   i’ll   tell   y’all   abt   later

um      ??      is   that   it      ??      i   think   SFGKJDG   WE’LL   SEE

:      //      𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒      .

𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁   𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱(𝘀)   :   the   people   except   from   his   sisters   who   understand   him   perhaps   better   than   he   even   understands   himself   .   they’re   like   two   peas   in   a   pod   ,   where   one   goes   the   other   is   soon   to   follow      &      there   isn’t   a   lot   that   they   wouldn’t   do   for   each   other   .      (      giovanni   narciso   ,   zion   kang   ,   open   to   more   .      )

𝗲𝘅𝗲𝘀   :   ok   so   atlas   has   a   lot   of   exes   ,   either   on   good   or   bad   terms   ,   for   a   short   period   of   time   or   a   long   period   of   time   .   this   can   either   be   angsty   or   where   they   broke   up      &      are   now   friends      !      (      open   .      )

𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱   𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀   :   basically   his   first   girlfriend      !      their   parents   are   friends      &      basically   set   this   up   like   parents   sometimes   do   ,   thinking   they   know   best      &      they   dated   for   a   good   portion   of   their   life      (      think   nate      &      blair      )      but   in   high   school   ,   when   atlas   had   a   change   of   heart   he   wasn’t   sure   what   he   felt   for   her   was   real   so   he   broke   it   off   without   any   explanation   like   the   dumbass   he   is   .      (   antonella   cosmatos   .    )

𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀   :   atlas’s   penthouse   is   huge   ,   too   big   for   just   one   person   to   live   in   so   it’s   highly   possible   that   he   has   a   roommate   or   two      !      (      alanna   deniro   .    )

𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗲𝘀   :   sometimes   they   like   each   other   ,   sometimes   they’re   bickering   like   there’s   no   tomorrow   .      (      camilla   benvenuto   .      )

𝗲𝘅   -   𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴   :   he   doesn’t   really   do   these   anymore   bc   he’s   🥰   but   he   definitely   has   had   a   few   of   these   in   the   past      !      they   never   really   put   a   label   on   anything   ,   it   was   a   bit   of   fun   but   then   they   decided   to   end   it   for   whatever   reason      !      (   open   .    )

𝗲𝘅   -   𝖿𝗐𝖻   :   before   this   bitch   went     &     got   himself   a   gf   ,   he   was   the   biggest   hoe     &    probably   had   a   few   booty   calls   when   he   got   a   little   too   bored   .      (     open   .    )

𝘀𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗱   :   i   forgot   what   i   was   gonna   type   here   djgkgjg   but   yes      !      please      !      (      open   .      )

𝗲𝘅   𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁   𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀   :   there   was   a   time   where   the   pair   were   inseparable   .   they’d   go   everywhere   together   ,   do   everything   together      &      were   as   close   as   family   .   until   one   day   one   of   them   did   something   to   hurt   the   other   ,      &      now   they   can’t   stand   each   other   .      (      stellan   alto   ,   taylor   perry   .      )

𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹   𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿   :   they’re   always   bumping   into   each   other   .   no   matter   the   place   ,   time   ,   or   reason   why   they’re   there   ,   these   two   are   always   finding   company   in   each   other   in   the   strangest   of   places      &      now   they   have   a   strange   friendship   .      (      kylie   castillo   .      )

𝗼𝗻𝗲   𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁   𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱   :   they   got   drunk   one   night      &      ended   it   hooking   up   .   it   would’ve   been   fine   ,   if   atlas   hadn’t   left   their   apartment   in   the   middle   of   the   night   without   saying   a   word   ,   so   now   it’s   just   awkward   .      (      donna   marchesi   .      )

𝗯𝗮𝗱   𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲   𝗼𝗻   :   they   work   together   on   campaigns   which   often   lead   to   long   days   ,      &      atlas   being   atlas   ,   is   constantly   trying   to   think   of   reasons   to   get   drunk      &      this   poor   person   is   always   being   dragged   into   his   bad   habits   .      (      open   .      )

𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱   𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲   :   atlas   is   the   sort   of   person   who’s   always   making   bad   decisions      &      as   a   result   can   be   quite   pessimistic   .   despite   him   constantly   trying   to   antagonize   them   ,   this   person   serves   as   a   good   influence   on   him   so   their   friendship   ,   however   strangely   surprising   is   something   of   a   miracle   .      (      open   .      )

𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲   𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽   :   although   atlas   taking   things   seriously   is   sometimes   a   task   in   itself   ,   when   it   comes   to   his   friends   he’ll   go   to   the   ends   of   the   earth   for   them   ,   especially   for   this   person   .   he   won’t   see   anything   bad   happen   to   them      &      will   always   have   their   back   no   matter   what   .      (      vera   bantini   .      )

𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹   𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆   /   𝘄𝗼𝗻’𝘁   𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆   :   she   knew   his   sisters   first   ,      &      when   they   met   for   the   first   time   at   atlas’s   parents   yacht   party   in   2015   they   developed   some   sort   of   flirtationship   .   over   the   years   ,   what   was   once   harmless   flirting   became   something   much   more   than   that      &      it’s   now   at   the   point   where   they’re   on   the   verge   of   dating   but   haven’t   made   it   official   yet   .      (      violet   lennox   .      )

𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗲   𝗼𝗿   𝗱𝗶𝗲   :   be   it   racing   or   anything   sporadically   reckless   ,   these   pair   do   it   together      &      have   earned   quite   a   name   for   themselves   .   whether   they   get   caught   or   not   ,   they’re   in   it   for   a   good   time   not   a   long   time      &      at   the   times   that   they   find   themselves   behind   jail   cells   ,   at   least   they   have   millions   of   dollars   to   bail   them   out   .      (      ellie   flynn   .      )

𝘁𝗵𝗲   𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘂𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿   :   this   person   dragged   atlas   into   a   world   that   he’s   been   stuck   in   since   high   school   .   he   joined   their   group   of   friends   in   sophomore   year      &      it   was   here   where   his   reputation   started   to   build   .   although   he   knows   he   shouldn’t   ,   he   feels   grateful   for   them   because   it   was   at   this   time   that   he   realised   he   should   do   what   he   wants      &      not   give   a   damn   about   what   anyone   thinks   .      (      open   .      )

[extreme-technicality]

Im only messing with you 😘 while im here though could i have some fic recs puh-leaaase - 🍍

Ooh honey, you have no IDEA the can of worms you just opened :D (since this list is so long I’m gonna split it up into SFW Complete, NSFW Complete, SFW Ongoing, and NSFW Ongoing)

SFW Complete:

The Invisible Girl [sonamae]: OK SO it’s Hagakure-centric, with background Hagakure x Shouji and KiriBaku. My favorite part about this is that the romance is important, but not the focus. The focus of this oneshot is on the family she creates with Bakugou, Satou, Todoroki, Kirishima, and Tokoyami. Go read it, it’s great. BIG BROTHER BAKUGOU FTW!!!!!

Ground Zero [sonamae]: Speaking of Big Brother Bakugou, this is the next oneshot in the same series as the above one, but from Bakugou’s pov. Again, the romance is important but not a focus, and that’s so fucking refreshing and I love it so mUCH idk what else to tell you. Just go read these two. The rest of the series isn’t complete, but these two specific fics ARE, hence why they’re in the Complete section.

Lighting The Beacon [M3zzaTh3M3z]: This is one of the first bnha fics I’ve ever read, and I’m so glad this was my introduction to the fandom!! It’s a pretty fluffy oneshot, starting off with Kiri asking Baku out and Baku rejecting him because “who ever heard of a gay hero?” Aizawa hears about that (the basics, no details like names or anything), and things…start to change. Mic says he’s married to a man (its Aizawa), All Might comes out as pan, ace Midnight…and at the end, Bakugou asks Kirishima out very publicly. It’s so near and dear to my heart, and it honestly deserves more attention than it gets.

You’re only relevant until you’re older (they’re gonna talk about you over and over) [futurehearts]: Pro-Heroes Red Riot and Ground Zero are happily married and Baku has a reputation to slowly destroy :D (he’s soft, mainly for his husband, and he knows it…and now so does the rest of the world lmaooo).

Love Notes [PurplePersnickety]: Kirishima gets really, REALLY sappy love notes on his desk for a week or two and works to figure out who it is (spoiler alert, it’s Bakugou being a Soft Bitch). When Kiri asks him about it, he confesses everything and they date in secret for six months before telling the whole class (oneshot).

Sonder [Maplefudge]: I bet this bitch thought she wouldn’t get a shout-out well guess what you write good and there’s nothing you can do about it This is the first work of maple’s I ever read, and it’s perf <3 I’m love. It’s a look at the “totally platonic” (how much sarcasm can I add to two words?) Kiribaku from members of the class, over the course of 13 chapters. It’s full of fluff, useless mutual pining, obliviousness, and “platonic bro kisses”. Read it if you need to scream at some useless gays.

Anger Management [Julietwasanidiot]: The entire fandom is gearing up for S4 by writing hurt/comfort KiriBaku post-raid fics, and I am HERE for it. Because of when it’s set though, there’s going to be spoilers so if you’re anime-only you migt want to steer clear of this one. It’s got an ICONIC rice-and-anger line, though.

Stupid Mistakes [lemxnfox]: Kirishima and Bakugou got in a fight! They fight a lot, but this fight they’ve been fighting for six months and the class is #OverIt. They concoct a plan to lock the two of them in a room and force them to make up– and they DO. Side ShinKami and TodoDeku.

No More Fragments [Ischemia]: Canon-compliant…to a degree. Shinsou takes his place as the Superior Purple in Class A, gets himself a boyfriend (Kaminari) and a squad (the Bakusquad)…and loses it. Or does he???? Canon-typical violence, side Kiribaku, mystery plot.

Caught In My Own Web [anxioussaliorsoldier]: SHINSOU IS IN 1-A!!!!! And he fucks up when trying to use his capture weapon lmao. Kaminari finds him and they recreate the iconic Spider-Man kiss…and then Shinsou passes out from the blood rushing to his head. It’s cute guys.

Be Selfish For Me [A_Reflective_Projection]: WARNING– the entire thing is Aizawa asking 1-A to be careful as pro heroes, by taking them to a hero graveyard. It’s painful. It’s sad (especially when Aizawa brings up a classmate of his who died in their first year as a pro). It ends bittersweet, and there’s some good Dadzawa content in there. The most present ship is Erasermic, and that only really makes an appearance in the last chapter.

Closer [MikeWritesThings]: Fluffy Erasermic, canon universe, where Aizawa starts calling in to Mic’s radio show cuz he misses him. It’s sweet af ❤️❤️

Meaningless Holiday [dysonQueer]: It’s a sweet Valentine’s Day fic, canon-compliant, with established Erasermic for the soul. I highly recommend it if you’re having a rough day and you need some feel-good fluff

Come Back Toe Me [Milligramme]: Aged-up, Pro Hero fic where Kiri has a shit day heroing, but he isn’t physically hurt. Not until he breaks his toe on the coffee table, that is. He can’t stop laughing, and Bakugou can’t stop worrying about his dumbass boyfriend.

Kiss Me Through The Screen [Ischemia]: Aged-up fic with ShinKami as the main focus and some side KiriBaku, but…uh, most of the Bakusquad aren’t full-time Heroes. Kami dropped out of UA completely, and Shinsou never went in the first place. So, Kaminari is working at Jirou’s cafe and works as a SFW camboy at night, while Shinsou is a teacher and watches the stream nightly. Later there’s a plot around a stalker, again please keep yourself safe Pineapple Anon!!

If I Don’t Act… [SilentNorth]: This is gritty and painful, but don’t worry! There’s a happy ending :D (I rarely read/write/recc pure angst, you’re safe here my child). Kiri is a college dropout working two jobs, living with Mina as his roommate, and with a hero complex the size of Texas. Enter art student Bakugou, who can save himself thank you very much. Some mention of depression/attempted suicide, as well as slightly less than canon-typical violence, please keep yourself safe and skip it if that’s going to trigger you, Pineapple Anon.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all [theroyalsavage]: A Kiribaku “10 Things I Hate About You” AU where Todoroki asks Kirishima to fake-date Bakugou so he can date Midoriya. Everything is going smoothly until Kirishima accidentally falls in love *gasp*!!

The Skeletons Inside Of Us [firelord_zutara]: Erasermic, quirkless AU where Mic was the lead singer of Aizawa’s favorite local band in college. Aizawa has a crush on him, they lost touch after college, and they didn’t meet again…until their nephews (Aizawa adopted Midoriya, Shinsou is Mic’s sister’s kid) meet and by extension, the uncles. Background ShinKami and KiriBaku, written for EraserMic week (7 chapters).

Life’s a Drag(on) [PurplePersnickety]: FANTASY AU!!! You know, the Fantasy AU from the third ending. But altered, juuuuuust slightly. Bakugou lives in(? ish) a village and helps a dragon when it’s hurt. A day or so later, a (hot) new guy comes to town named Kirishima, and the dragon keeps coming around. Shenaniganery follows. :DDD

Space Dust [PurplePersnickety]: Do you like Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly, and/or Men In Black? Then you’re gonna fuckin LOVE this :DDD It’s got half-alien Kirishima, cyborg Bakugou, mention of a larger universe outside of the planet (outside of the oneshot too, lbr). It is a oneshot though, even if it is a long one, with canon/typical violence and mention of kidnapping and child experimentation. Please put your mental health and well-being above everything else and skip it if it’s gonna trigger you!!!

Achromatopsia [PurplePersnickety]: DID SOMEBODY SAY SOULMATE AU???? No? Well hAVE ONE ANYWAY!!! Kiribaku soulmate AU (oneshot), where you only see in one color until you touch your soulmate for the first time. Fun fact, achromatopsia is the complete inability to see any color!! I’m sure that’s not gonna have any bearing on the story whatsoever…

NSFW Complete:

A Cast for your Heart [KTG]: Heads up, this is LONG. 90 chapters, 268k, it’s magic and sex and drAGONS and angst and almost-dying!! The fantasy system is completely original, set in modern times, and the OCs??? Don’t get me STARTED. Kiribaku, Tododeku, and Seromina are the bnha ships present as well as a lot of OCxOC ships. There’s also a sequel set to come out this month (July 2019)!!

Long Time Coming [Madam_Muffins]: I’ve probably recc’ed this before, but I just. I just love this one so much, ok? It’s massive Kiribaku slow burn, outlining what might happen if Bakugou is just a little bit more emotionally constipated. Baku fucks up, gets help, he and Kiri get together (and fuck a little), and there’s elements of the Reincarnation and Fantasy AUs in there towards the end!! Go read it, madammuffins is my amazing tumblr mom and I love her to bits.

SFW Ongoing:

Engraved In Your Mind [Hejter]: FACEBLIND BAKUGOU KATSUKI!!! It’s canon-compliant, except for that little detail, but she writes it so WELL that now I can’t look at canon!Bakugou without thinking that he’s faceblind. Kiri finds out and starts working to build trust with Bakugou and help him on his path to becoming the top hero, and it’s GREAT. Slowburn Kiribaku. Like,,,SLOW.

Define: Oblivious [PurplePersnickety]: I bet you thought I was done with the Purple reccs. I’m never going to be done reccing Purple. Deal with it. I mentioned, in the summary for Love Notes, that there was a six month time skip? This is what happens in those six months. SeroKami and MomoJirou are side ships in this one.

The Right Thing [TuesdayTerrible]: Established Kiribaku where they’re graduated from UA, and living together, and being pro heroes…and then one day Baku finds a little girl who tried to kill herself cuz she was quirkless. Needless to say, this strikes a chord in Bakugou (cuz…yknow, he kinda told Midoriya to kill himself in like episode one and then it was never addressed again). He can’t stop thinking about her, and while we haven’t gotten there YET it looks like it’s gonna end with him and Kirishima adopting her and Bakugou apologizing for the bullshit he put Mido through. There is mention of a suicide attempt (clearly), skip it if that’s gonna trigger you!!!

Hands Off! [PullingAllMighters]: Much like Kiss Me Through The Screen, Hands Off! is a non-canon compliant aged-up AU where not everyone is a full-time hero. Kiri is, Kami and Sero are his sidekicks, Ochako is in a different agency, and everyone else is doing Other Shit. Bakugou hasn’t revealed his full backstory yet, but it looks like he was a Pro Hero until a year or so ago when something bad happened and now he’s got PTSD. His old apartment building burned down so he’s living in Ochako, Momo, Jirou, and Mina’s guesthouse until he finds a job and another place to live. This has a fresh take on the hero system, and I really really enjoy it so far!! There is, however, a fairly detailed scene of Bakugou being triggered so if reading that would trigger you, please don’t!! Keep yourself safe, Pineapple Anon!!! Endgame Kiribaku

Blood of my Hand [PurplePersnickety]: Is it obvious yet that I LOVE purple’s writing??? This, I believe, was the gateway work, and I’ve dived headfirst in and not looked back. Fantasy AU, slowburn Kiribaku, and it’s. I can’t even sum it up. There’s too much. It’s too good. Game of Thrones WISHES it could be what BomH is. There’s mention of slavery and past child abuse, please skip that if it’s going to trigger you!!

A Boy and his Dragon [VanHan]: Oh look, another fantasy AU. Have you figured out that I have a type yet? Kiribaku but the Kiribaku hasn’t really happened yet, cuz Bakugou is a literal child who got kidnapped and is probably gonna get sold. He doesn’t even know Kirishima is Kirishima, he just knows him as the cool dragon in the cage. This one just barely makes the SFW list, because there’s no explicit mention of fucking, but there’s a really really gross pedophile that shows up fairly early on and hasn’t died yet. There’s also graphic depictions of violence in the first chapter, and once you combine those two things I would absolutely understand if you decided to give this one a pass, too.

Everglow [Maplefudge]: ANOTHER fantasy AU?!?! In MY fic recc list?? It’s more likely than you think. This one just started, and it’s got that enemies-to-lovers shit going on. Dragons plus my favorite tropes = FUCK YEAH!!!

Crimson [Crocodillia]: I bet you thought I was done with the fantasy AU reccs, didn’t you? Well, HAVE ANOTHER!!! This one has strong HTTYD vibes, and I’ve literally never seen anyone try that before with these characters!! So far there’s only two chapters, but I am HOOKED and if you like HTTYD…you’re gonna like this, too.

Becoming Human [FoolishFortuna]: Demon!Bakugou becomes Human!Bakugou when he refuses to take a kid’s soul. I think we’re three chapters in and he just got to earth and met Kirishima, as well as a few holy people (Midoriya, Ochako, Iida, and I believe Tetsu). Now he gotta find his daughter and keep her safe. Kiribaku with some fairly graphic descriptions of torture and cannibalism in the second chapter, don’t read it if that’s gonna trigger you!! Also he pretty brutally rips apart the girl’s abusive parents.

Surviving for Second Chances [SilentNorth]: TWEWY Kiribaku AU!!! There’s some differences between the original game and the fic, for pretty obvious reasons (medium, objective, and character differences being a few), but this got me to FINALLY watch a playthrough of the game cuz I’m too broke to go and buy it myself!! Kirishima as Neku and Bakugou as Joshua, plus Mina as Shiki and TodoDeku as Rhyme and Beat. Canon-typical violence, and we just finished up Week 1!!

Love And Other Allergens [thefrailtyofgenius]: A Quirkless AU where Todoroki is a lawyer with a flower shop underneath his apartment. Todo finds out he’s allergic to one of the plants, buys a different bouquet every week instead of, yknow, asking for help like a normal human being (I say, knowing damn well I’d just buy allergy medication and not even try to figure out what I’m allergic TO), and accidentally falls in love with the cute (and absolutely fucking ripped) flower boy (Midoriya lmao). It’s LONG. The TodoDeku is extremely slowburn, and there’s a fuckload of side ships. An incomplete list: Erasermic, Kiribaku, ShinIida (Shinsou and Iida), and MomoJirou. Bonus Endeavor’s Bad Parenting, Midoriya Hisashi’s Bad Parenting, and both of those assholes getting locked up forever :D (I’m so serious about the length tho, it’s like 40 chapters or something).

NSFW Ongoing:

Mixing Signals [Shippeh]: Kiribaku aged-up, but they’ve tried to date multiple times and every time Bakugou fucked it up. Every time they broke up, they pretended like they’d never tried in the first place (which…oW), but this time. THIS time, Bakugou swears he’s gonna make them work.

Heartbeat Thunder [Shippeh]: This is one of the few ABO fics I’ll recc, because it’s not just “ooh heat sex fun times”. This has THOUGHT put into it. They’re confused kids goddamnit, let them be confused!!! Basically Kiri doesn’t ever want to rut so he’s suppressing everything about being an alpha, while Bakugou thinks that trying to hide from your secondary gender is stupid. They do fuck tho, which is why the fic is in NSFW Ongoing.

Take a Chance On Me [FanficIsMyThing]: The other ABO fic I’ll happily recc. Kiri is an alpha which lets him be a hero, while Baku is an omega so he’s gotta be a vigilante until the laws get changed. They run into each other on patrol a few times, Baku helps Kiri and crew out a few times, and every time Kirishima *mysteriously* fails to catch the vigilante Chemical X. They haven’t actually fucked yet, but there’s been enough sexy times to put this squarely in NSFW territory. And it’s not just sex!! I don’t wanna spoil, but it’s good I swear.

Opposed to the Typical [Heronfem]: A model/fashion designer AU featuring HoH!Bakugou, model!Bakugou and designer!Kirishima, as well as a metric shitload of others. Basically Kiri is an intern with Fatgum who gets called to help another studio with their fitting, gets assigned to Bakugou, figures out he’s HoH and handles it like a champ. Because he does it so well, whenever Bakugou needs to get his measurements taken again, they immediately call for Kirishima. And ofc they gonna fall in love :3c But its more complicated than that, and I don’t wanna give too much away, but make sure that you pay attention to any trigger warnings at the start of the chapters!!!

[winkyjinki]

author asks 1-30 GO!

WHEW OK STRAP IN BUCKO (I already answered 1&29 uwu)

2. When you’re writing a new story, what is the one thing you need to know before you can start?

This is gonna sound so like “duh bitch” but I always need to know AT LEAST how I want it to end. Or like the almost-end. Bc it’s like if you know where you want to go then you can figure out how to build up to that moment. 

They always say it’s not abt the destination, but the journey. But like in this case, you need to know the destination to figure out the journey oop--

3. How do you know when a scene is “done”?

This is gonna sound so vague but like... when I feel like it’s complete? Like when I think it’s served its purpose in the fic.

In theatre, every single scene has a purpose in building up to the climax & resolution, so I always try to make sure that each scene has served its purpose in moving the plot along/gives you something for a later plot point.

4. How do you know when a chapter is “done”?

Ummm... I try to end it at a good point. Honestly this is the hardest for me because I always want to end it at a good point but also where it feels like the equivalent of a half-cadence in music (it doesn’t feel complete).

That’s like my best explanation.

5. How do you know when a story is “done”?

I think my story is done when I’ve neatly wrapped up the plot to my liking while also leaving as little loose ends as possible.

This is a boring answer lmao but it’s really my best explanation.

6. Where do your titles come from?

Most of my titles come from songs that my fics remind me of. I try to make it be like ~poetic~ bc I can’t come up w titles from the pits of my brain but I can def try to find the perfect song lyric LOL

7. How do you feel about prologues?

I feel like it’s really useful for setting some background info that you want to reference but don’t actually want to explain in the main story LOL but it’s def not necessary

8. How do you feel about epilogues?

Another thing that I feel is def not necessary but sometimes you want a little “what happens next?”...as a treat

9. Do you tend to have an external narrator or use one of the characters?

I like the idea of using a limited POV, so I like to use one of the characters for narration. Bc in my opinion it’s a little much when you’re like spending so much time being ~omniscient~ but that’s just my opinion.

10. Does your narrator move from character to character? 

Ummm honestly it depends for me. Like for me it’s like...if the story calls for it in my heart. 

I usually like to keep it to one character unless I’m planning a more complex story that calls for a lot of different POVs!

11. What punctuation do you love too much?

Bruh... Commas, semicolons and this bitch (–) are my holy grail I feel like I’m the queen of run-on sentences.

12. What punctuation do you hate with a passion?

Okay I don’t HATE them but I really don’t like the overuse!!!!! of exclamation points!!!!!! I use them a lot when I’m just posting about stuff I’m really passionate about like that’s cute I just am not too crazy about that in like prose & creative writing. I wouldn’t say it’s a pet peeve, per se, but it’s just not my cup of tea :/

13. What grammar tends to cause problems when you’re writing?

Idek what this means but like I guess I struggle with writing verbs in the right POV bc, like I said, I'm the queen of run on sentences so I tend to lose focus on what’s the subject of the sentence.

14. What’s the one word you can never spell/use properly, no matter how hard you try?

I am actually illiterate so I always end up misspelling words ALL the time just bc like my brain will turn off. I used to use the word “futile” incorrectly all the time but once I like actually found out how to use it correctly, I’ve been pretty good :0

15. How do you write a really good metaphor?

Bro when I figure it out I will SHARE

I don’t have a strategy--sometimes I just write good ones and idek how it happened oof--

16. What is your best piece of advice for writing angst scenes?

If you are HURTING by the time you’re done with it, you did it right. When I write angst, I know it’s good if my heart hurts by the end of it LOL

17. What is your best piece of advice for writing hurt/comfort scenes?

Kinda the same as 16, like it hurts but in a better way. This will probably also be the same as my answer for 22, but if it just makes you soft, you’re doing well.

Soft & hurt is the combo you need for that.

18. What is your best piece of advice for writing comedy scenes?

I like to share these scenes with people (beta readers, friends, etc.) and see how they receive them. Even if they don’t laugh like SUPER HARD, I think it’s worth keeping if they make positive comments and they say stuff like “That’s a mood.” or “I related to that hard.” bc in my humble opinion that’s good enough for me.

I’m working on a Trashmouth comedy special series, and I literally just read the skits to my friends and see what lands and what doesn’t.

I just like to treat any comedy scene as a comedy skit. Just see what lands !

19. What is your best piece of advice for writing action scenes?

Oh man, I don’t do a lot of those, so I don’t really have much advice for that :( maybe in like a year I’ll have something for that lollll

20. What is your best piece of advice for writing smut scenes?

Now I’m no expert on doing the dirty, but I did read up on how to write like...good sex scenes....and a lot of the sources say to (in my own words) overload on thought and emotion. 

Like honestly I don’t read smut for the sex (I mean like.... I get hype when my ship gets nasty but that’s beside the point), I read it to see how someone comes undone for their lover and I think that’s IMPORTANT. Tbh anyone can write sex, but like I need that connection.

21. What is your best piece of advice for writing romance scenes?

Overload on that thought and emotion, dude. Make your heart THROB. I like to make this a matter of building tension and setting the release. Like no I will not be giving you that kiss yet bc that’s too easy. Build it up a little bit.

Talk about slow burn

22. What is your best piece of advice for writing fluff scenes?

If you read it and you feel like you might explode from how much these characters love each other, you are doing amazing, sweetie.

23. How do you balance your characters in an ensemble story?

I like to list out the primary, secondary, and side characters and figure out where they come in the story, what the relationships are, what purpose they serve the plot, stuff like that.

In a theatre standpoint (obviously), any character in a play has their own purpose and without even one of them, you can’t wrap that story up neatly. Like in Ancient Greek plays, even the smallest part played an integral part in moving the plot along.

24. How do you balance your characters when there are only a two or three in a story?

I like to think about what purpose each character serves in the story. I also like to think about whether this story revolves around one character, or if it delves into each character’s story and they kind of intertwine. Maybe they’re family or a team or roommates, or maybe they’re strangers whose lives are connected in some way if you wanna take that route.

I think when there are so little characters, you get more room to make them their own people. And you have that possibility of making it a collection of stories that come together without making it so confusing.

I think about that in, like, a theatre standpoint obviously.

25. How do you create an original character?

AAA I’ve never really made an OC but honestly I like to think it’s like making a sim LOL I’m so sorry to EVERYONE who’s ever made an OC.

I don’t even remember was my OC building process was like when I wrote original stories in, like, middle school.

26. How do you go about world building?

Oof ok I’ve been writing fanfic for as long as I can remember so that’s kinda cheating a little bit LOL it’s self explanatory.

But in the few original stories I’ve written (and honestly even when I write for some AUs), I base a lot of things on my own reality. So like people I know, places I like to go to, events that have taken place in my lifetime, they’re like the template, and depending on the nature of this world (realistic, fantasy, modern, futuristic, etc), that’s like how I’ll mold it to be part of that world.

27. Do you try to do most of your research ahead of writing (when research is necessary) or do you do it as things come up?

Honestly, I research things as they come up because things are always gonna come up. I’m constantly coming up with little things I can add into my fics, and I like to try all my ideas to see if they work with the story. I don’t want to scrap an idea just bc it’s not in my archive of research.

I also think when you get too wrapped up in technicalities, you lose focus of the actual story, so I like to jump in and do all my fact-checking as I go along!

28. How do you make sure your plot points are there while also making them blend in with the story?

This is something that I’m still figuring out because I’m just now getting back into writing longer fics, but I think as long as you make them fit in a way that they serve the plot or they play into one of your characters’ motives then it’s a good plot point!

30. How do you edit your stories?

This is gonna sound so extra, but I rewrite ALL OF IT from the beginning. When I do this, it really helps me figure out how to write thing in a more efficient and effective manner.

And I cannot stress this enough, beta readers are SO useful. You can do all of the proofreading you want, but someone who’s reading your writing will probably catch more spelling and grammar mistakes honestly. Also, they can give you insight on what might need more development, what might not make as much sense, and what really isn’t that necessary.

[harrietvane]

do you mind talking about why you dislike Love Actually and Richard Curtis's romcoms? I've seen you mention it in some of your tags and I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

Long post, so scroll now, ye who care not.

OK, so like better voices than mine have articulated Why Love Actually Sucks Balls, but you were kind enough to ask for my view, so strap in I’m gonna talk about Jane Eyre, and the 1990’s Fran Drescher sitcom The Nanny also. It’s coming up on western civilisations’ holiday season, so why not, it’s a good time to tell this movie to choke, because it’s about to be repeatedly thrust upon us once again. (Disclaimer: I acknowledge Richard Curtis is responsible for Blackadder and Vicar of Dibley, so whatever else, we’re still cool on that basis. But I have spite and to spare, so there’s plenty to go around).

My main beef is actually the context. Technically, if all of the below bullshit was in an offbeat movie from any other movie market (I’m thinking maybe a French, or Spanish movie from the 90′s boom, Almodovar style?), the focus would probably be a black humour take on ‘Lord What Fools These Mortals Be!’, sort of look at the inherent ridiculousness of mankind, and how we get in our own way, blah blah, might have been cute. I’d buy that. This movie? A british movie for the american market? It’s sold with a big holiday sticker on it saying ‘ROMANCE’, and specifically ‘ADORABLE ASPIRATIONAL ROMANCE THAT YOU SHOULD ADORE AND ASPIRE TO’. Also the context *inside* the movie itself (through a narration voiceover no less) is that all of these narratives is somehow proof that ‘Love, Actually is all around’, and specifically in a good, wholesome, happy way, overall at least. These stories are redeeming, even if they’re not all happy, they’re Good™ or whatever. The context outside the movie is the same: british TV advertising, hard copy packaging, holiday specials, outdoor gala screenings: they all say over and over: THIS IS SQUISHY HOT PINK NEON LOVE, wholesome, healing, and healthy. You should want this, aspire to this, think this is the cat’s pyjamas! It’s a wide and varied look at the beautiful power of love from all angles, comic, tragic, the lot. 

Is it fuck. The ‘positive’ romance stories range from Stage-5 Creeper to Crotch Puppet Afterthought, the ‘melancholy’, thwarted romance stories seem to say ‘if you’re a woman who’s not readily/immediately bangable to your allocated straight dude, romance is over for you I’m afraid’. Let’s recap, shall we:

Much has already been said about Andrew Lincoln’s character BLANTANTLY SHARKING ON HIS BEST MATE’S WIFE being uhhh, less than fresh. I don’t even feel like I need to justify this one, it’s so over-the-top. The main point is that movie itself maintains this as a tragic, swoony, thwarted, heart-string-tugging missed connection, rather than The Worst Friend Ever (meaning: it assumes we’ll be 100% onboard with Keira Knightley skipping secretly away from Chiwetel Eijiofor to grant his best mate one treasured kiss, as opposed to saying ‘what the FUCK Mark, why are you telling me this, this is super inappropriate?? and my only wedding video is just you zooming in on my face? Pls get help’.

We all love National Treasure Colin Firth and all, but like is Love, Actually fixating on a woman who literally can’t speak to you? Has said nothing understandable to you? About whose own life you’ve never yet, and could never have asked about? Whose main interactions with you have been to wordlessly clean your room, bring you food, and tidy it away after? Your ideal woman, who you meet immediately following a break up, is one who silently meets all your domestic needs, while making zero emotional or intellectual demands on you whatsoever? WOW, SHOCKER. (Oh but it’s cute or whatever, they have him propose, and there’s a mix up when her sister appears, but she’s Ugly™, so it’s funny that the sister is not getting romance. I mean, how could she, an uggo?? Classic joke. Good times.)

The Prime Minster and his tea lady: more on Curtis’ Domestic Servitude Kink below, whoo boy.

Laura Linney would really really like to sleep with Rodrigo Santoro, and god bless her who wouldn’t, but she is tragically unable to, because she has family commitments as being the sister – not even fulltime carer, just RELATED TO -  a brother living with disability. Sorry folks, romance is OFF THE CARDS, FOREVER for Laura here. How can she??? That’s the nature of love, actually. Can you have sex right now this moment? No? Whelp, sorry, thanks for playing, back to the Tragic Assisted Living facility for you. Gosh it’s unfortunate that’s a truth universally acknowledged that any whiff of disability = no romance for you ever. (Don’t start me on 4 Weddings* [edit: *it’s totally Notting Hill, not 4 Weddings, thank] and how that husband is like The Best because he continues to love his wife even though her legs don’t work. What a champ, honestly, do they have an award for that?) I have to stop now before I get sarcasm poisoning, but my eyes will continue to roll.

How could I say anything bad about the Liam Neeson widower and his adorable lovestruck son storyine? Lol, I’m gonna. Have you seen the Buffy episode The Zeppo? Xander is convinced the only way girls (as a concept, not in the specific) will like him enough to sleep with him is if he has A Thing. The Thing is posited as ‘being cool’ by having an object or skill that alone will be the magic bullet to romance. Musical instrument prowess is considered, and he ends up just getting a car to be his Thing. This just seems like a redux of that logic. This kid could get some genuine direction from the movie to get to know this girl, learn her interests and share his, see if she likes him as a person by being A PERSON, but the narrative just backs away from that and eventually DOES just say ‘play the drums in the show, she’ll like you’ and that’s …it. But it’s cool, teenagers don’t learn key interpersonal dynamics at this age or anything, she kisses him for some reason, whatever. (Bonus points for gifting his dad with a literal supermodel as a punchline, after making that an actual joke earlier about the shallow nature of attraction, and love is about filling a one-sided need.)

I could go on, but I have very little to say about Freeman falling for a girl whose tits he’s been holding for a week, the no-homo pop star Nighy plot, or the guy that goes and has sex in Wisconsin with Bond Girls, and can’t be bothered, which leads me to…

Richard Curtis’ Domestic Servitude Kink. Must I kinkshame Richard Curtis in his own home?? Nope, I’m kinkshaming him AT WORK in his narratives, surrounded by his nubile, pliant, adorable female employee characters. Oh Mr Curtis, I seem to have dropped a pencil!

OK, so like a M/F Domestic Servitude romance is an extremely old trope, and extremely common, and I’m not here to tear that up, because done well it’s amazing, lot of petrol in that King Cophetua narrative tank. I’m a fan. The most famous in-context historical example being Jane Eyre, for instance: he’s her boss, she’s his paid subordinate, they’re both 100% aware of that. It’s a great way to explore the real-life class and power dynamics of these 2 train wrecks of human beings, and they vomit their ridiculous drama llama feelings all over a 600 page novel. Super fun, they’re both awful humans, I love them. Mid-century you might have The Sound of Music, and in more modern times you get 1990s sitcom The Nanny, both extremely well-developed romances involving paid employees, and part of their value is that the shows KNOW THIS. They’re aware it’s the basis for their dynamic, that they have to directly play with that, and develop beyond to go anywhere. Watching Fran Fine in her runway-fresh Moschino minidresses jump on Maxwell Sheffield’s desk for the 800th time making him super uncomfortable (and not a little turned on) is always such a treat. It’s right out there on the label. The problem with Love, Actually, is Curtis doesn’t want to admit that naughty secretary seems to be a cornerstone of what gets him going, romantic-stylez. 

One (1) time in the movie would be ‘sure, why not’. Literally the highest political office in the land, making overtures to the woman who brings him tea, i guess might be a bit off, but let’s say it’s done well, and maybe Hugh Grant and Martine McCutcheon’s charisma gets us over the line (his behaviour is cute because her last man didn’t like her body, but the prime minister DOES like her body! so it’s cute!). Whatever, seen worse. Two (2) times however is making a point, and Colin Firth is driving his silent portuguese maid home - not a french maid but so close! - and deciding he’d like her to bring him tea and clean his toilet for as long as they both shall live, and that also seems to be her greatest joy. Ah, l’amour. OK, I guess you like the thing, everyone has a thing, but at least you’re done now. Wait, you mean there’s a third (3rd) one? Everyone’s Fave Alan Rickman drives the plot of his own marriage’s tragic romance because he’s having stiffening feelings about his own Naughty Secretary halloween costume, after all. All the beautiful speeches about Joni Mitchell give Thompson some nice things to do, but it still assumes the Nature of Romance is to want to plough the help. A man can’t help it! It’s how romantic attraction works! Once would be whatever. Three times and there’s a tag on Ao3 for that, so please just scratch that itch and stop selling it to me in a heartwarming christmas movie as the Universal Nature Of Romance, so varied, so vast, the full spectrum! Just 2 hours to tell a story: but 3 whole narratives and 7 actors devoted to the variants on the naughty maid story. My point is be upfront about it and I’d be all for it - pretend it’s not A Thing You’re Doing and my creep-meter goes ping. Steven Shainberg’s ‘Secretary’ has a scene where the boss literally puts a saddle on his employee, and I find it to be one of the most genuinely moving romances I’ve ever seen. Love Actually makes me feel like Curtis is sending me a ‘u up?’ late night text about his secretary fantasy.

Anyway, I fucking hate this film, and not necessarily because of the content, but because of the context. The movie tells me to love it as aspirational romance. My culture tells me to love it as aspirational romance. Everyone tells me to love it as a varied and full exploration of reasons to get up in the morning, because it’s an aspirational romance. It makes me want to claw my own face off.