#she does not care about jerusalem

[hymnsofheresy]

i assume everyone knows what/where assisi is because my mom is a obsessed with saint francis and would drag us on pilgrimages there since we were like one years old. and like i talk about going to assisi and they are like "a see what?" nvrmnd i thought this was normal.

[i-cant-sing]

To that one thought about the different monarchs YES TO ALL

Ahahaha im so glad so many people liked that idea (OG post here), so ive decided to work on it. So, lets set the story okay? (also btw do not @ me with historical inaccuracies and dates because i simply dont care about all of this that deeply). This AU will have multiple parts, where reader gets to travel through different time periods (and some of them will be real historic figures, others would be created by me).

Reader is a scientist, was working on her time machine (which is just a small box with time/year slots on it), and decides to travel to the past to solve some mysteries, or perhaps simply for the love of history.

So, where does reader travel to first?

1180. Landing right in the kingdom of Jerusalem. And who does she meet?

King Baldwin IV- the leper king.

Reader wanted to see how leprosy, a deadly disease at the time, had affected the king, who despite his conditions, still managed to possess great military strategies and IQ. And how even though his people knew about his outcome, still pledged their loyalty and unwavering support.

You, a scientist of the modern time ofc brought along futuristic gadgets with you. Knowing how youd look in your present era clothes, you wore a watch that allowed you to change into clothes of old times, to blend in easily. All of your gadgets were concealed easily because of their "invisibility cloak" feature.

You made your way towards the castle, making sure to not let awe be apparent in your face as you took in your surroundings, thinking of all the questions youd like to ask the wise king. Of course, you had to make sure you dont do anything to disturb the historic timeline, because then it just might lead to disastrous results.

Getting into the castle was easy, after all you had equipment to sneak you in undetected. You looked around as the servants rushed around, talking about making the arrangements perfect for the feast. You figured out that the feast was probably for another victory the king had gotten, which meant that everyone would be too busy to notice you snooping around.

With everyone engaged downstairs, you had your way up to the king's study, where you opened the door only to be met with a tall burly man standing there, looking surprised to see you.

"Who are you?" He barked, and you got the worst vibes from this man.

"Uh- Im a servant!" You said,backing up a little, just in case you needed to make a run. The man narrowed his eyes as he looked you up and down. "A servant? No servants are allowed in the king's study!"

"The king sent me here." You lied. "And why are you here if servants are not allowed?"

The man's eyes widened in rage before grabbing you by the neck. "Because Im not a servant, fool! I'm his brother in law!" He shook you hard. "And I dont think youre a servant, if you couldnt recognise me! I will have your head, spy!"

"GUY!" Someone yelled from behind you, making Guy look up as his grip around your neck loosened. "Let her go!"

"Your majesty, she's a spy-"

"She's a servant. I sent her up to retrieve my papers." Guy let you go, as you quickly turned around to see him- King Baldwin. You bowed to him as you gave him a glance, noticing his piercing gaze through his iron mask. His gaze shifted from you to Guy. "And what were you doing here, Guy?"

"I was looking for Sibylia, your majesty." He said.

"In my study? My sister is waiting for you downstairs. Go." Guy scrambled away with his tail tucked between his legs, while you watched as the king made his way into his study, leaving you outside.

You took a step back, about to leave-

"Well, come on in." He called you. You ponder over it for a second before walking in. Look, how many times can you meet a historical figure like him?

Baldwin was sitting in his chair, his eyes looking at you through his mask. "So, who are you and what were you doing here? And dont bother lying, unless you want to be tortured for attempted assassination on the king."

You bit your lip before sighing. "Im Y/n L/n." Clasping your hands together, you took a deep breath. "I came here because... I wanted to know about you."

He rested his chin on his palm. "Why? Do you not know about the king of Jerusalem? Where are you from?" He's not vain, but he knows that his numerous victories have made him popular over the years. So why do you not know of him? Or his brother in law, Guy, who is very vain.

"Im from nowhere. For as long as I can remember, Ive been travelling from place to another. Of course, Ive heard about you, but... I crave to know more." You said, partly telling the truth because you do want to know more about him.

His eyes remained on you, the same intense gaze. "And why should I allow you to know more? Do you mistake yourself to be worthy enough to even be in the presence of a king?"

Shit. He was trying to put you in the corner. You had to play this smart.

You smiled softly. "Of course not. Then again, none of us are worthy of anything God blesses us with." You paused, letting the words settle. "Your majesty, I only wish to know more about you because I like to write. I like to write about history, and when one day, God forbid, you succumb to your illness, wouldn't you like to be known for more than just your victories?" You'd read about how Baldwin IV was a fan of history and stories.

His eyes stared at you- no, through you. Unmoving, he replied. "Man shouldnt be so narcissistic to have someone write about his deeds."

You gave a nod. "Jesus wasnt a narcissist. Neither was Mary, nor Abraham. Muhammad wasnt a narcissist either, yet theyre mentioned in books- holy books, nonetheless."

The room fell silent for a few seconds, before he spoke. "True. But why should I have you write it, instead of using one of my scribes?"

"Precisely for the reason you just said." You raised your head a bit. "They'd write never ending praises for you, portray you as this omnipotent ruler, make you look like a narcissit even. I have a keen eye, your majesty. I like to look at what there is beyond the surface. If you let me be your scribe, I could write about details you dont even know. Id write about your strengths as well as weaknesses, for the generations to read and learn from you."

Baldwin remained still for a few moments before finally standing up, walking directly towards you until he was face to face. His blue eyes shining bright under his iron mask.

"I will let you write, under two conditions. First- I approve what gets to be in the book. And second... you spy for me."

"Wait, spy?"

He hummed. "Well, not a conventional spy. You wont have to leave this castle and penetrate enemy territories to eavesdrop. I still dont trust you enough. No- you- you will spy on my court. I want to know what is happening, when, where, and who says what." Under his mask, he raised a brow. "Do you accept?"

You pretended to hesitate, when in reality this was the exact situation you wanted to be in. "Hmm... yes. I accept."

"Good." He walks back towards his desk. "I expect that it goes without saying- complete discretion." You smiled. "Of course, your majesty."

-

Months passed by as you worked for the king. He let you in on details, allowed you to ask personal questions, and in return you kept an eye on everything that happened in court. Listening on to what the servants whispered to eavesdropping on "secret meetings" of the nobles- of course, headed by Guy. Oh how you loathed that vermin's guts. No- he had no guts. A spineless creature, who blatantly talked of the king's eventual demise and all the ways he'd make the kingdom flourish again, how he'd show "no mercy to Salauddin and his muslims". You have no idea how Sibylla was attracted to him- a man who plans her brother's demise openly.

As for the king, working with him- or for him, wasnt all bad. In fact, it was quite fun. The amount of stories, the secrets youve been able to discover- none of it could ever be found in any history book. Most of all, you respect Baldwin on a whole new level now.

His struggles, ever since he was kid- not being a legitmate ruler, his parents being forced to separate, then being diagnosed with leprosy but forced to keep it a secret, the competition with his other sibling to be the heir, and of course, even when he did become the king, he still had to prove his mettle- his worth that he's worthy of ruling even with his disease.

With his life expectancy being uncertain and a huge amount of responsibility being shovelled onto him, he had to learn a lot and master various skills in very short time.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Y/n could only imagine how isolated he must feel. Not being able to touch anyone, to have a significant other, to constantly win battles and do everything in your power to help the kingdom flourish, just for him to not even be alive to enjoy the fruits of his efforts. And worse, he's forced to give it away to his brother in law, that useless piece of shit.

Its one thing that confuses you about Baldwin. You know how persistent he is, how when he sets his eyes on something, he does everything in power and BEYOND to achieve it. For example, when he was only a child and had started to lose the ability to use his hands, he quickly learned to use his thighs to steer his horse. He did not let his disease hold him back, so how does a person as motivated as him simply allow his kingdom to be left in the hands of someone as incapable as Guy?

Then again, you suppose he's doing it for the sake of his sister. Baldwin adores Sibylla, and you could see why. Sibylla was his older sister, she took care of him, and she was forced to marry early because the court would only allow Baldwin to be king IF she were married, so that when Baldwin dies of leprosy, her husband could take care of the kingdom. Baldwin views it as the ultimate sacrifice, so even though he has tried to separate his sister from Guy, she has refused because she's in love with him.

God knows how. You wondered. Guy does not have any redeeming qualities, then again youre thinking like a 21st century woman. Woman of this time had the bar for men set below the deepest level in hell.

"So, what do you have for me today?" Baldwin asked you, snapping you out of your thoughts. You sighed, shaking your head. "Nothing new, really. Your brother in law, pardon my language your majesty, has been spewing shit about how he'll make the kingdom great again when you die. But when those nobles ask him how, he either has no answer and tries to cover it up by saying its a secret, or he'd say something so ridiculous- his ideas are bound to not only fail, but actually destroy the kingdom even more. I am surprised he doesnt give himself a headache by his own voice. God knows i get one whenever he opens his mouth." You complained, rubbing your temples making the king chuckle. Baldwin seemed to enjoy how informally you spoke.

"Guy is... something else. I apologise on his behalf." You could sense him smiling under his mask. You gave a small smile, but truthfully, your head was actually hurting a lot. You could only hope this was not a migraine developing.

"Would you like tea? Or wine?" He asked as he called in a servant. "Just water for me, thank you." You said, closing your eyes for a few moments as the sharp ache in your head increased.

Baldwin's eyes remained on you, a calculated gaze. "Are you alright? Should I call in the physician?" You shook your head. As if you could trust physicians of this time. "No, I'll be fine after I sleep." You have some medical potions with you that could heal your basic diseases and pains. A gift of modern medicine. But you'll have to use it discreetly, lest someone from this era discovers it and calls you a witch.

The servant soon brought in a chalice filled with water for you and you immediately took a sip of the cool water. Baldwin stood up as he walked over to the window, looking out into the dark night.

"Can I ask you something personal?" You asked. He hummed. You stared at his back, the white cloak he was dressed in. "Do you think if you never had this disease, would you still be a great king? A king who is so motivated to make his kingdom as successful as he can before his time is up?"

He looked back at you, and for a second you wondered if you had slighted him. But these past few months, you've learned to read his body language, despite how hard he conceals both himself and his thoughts.

"No." He said, turning back to the window. "I probably would've been a spoiled brat, I don't think I would've even been chosen to be king. I would've lost it to my half brothers." He tilted his head as he looked at a particular star in the sky. "I suppose my disease is a blessing. God blessed me with it to humble me. Had He not, I probably wouldn't be religious."

"And is that how you see your suffering? A blessing from God?" You asked as you pulled out the medical vial from your cloak and poured it in your chalice. Your headache had started to pulsate now and you needed this.

"I do. I have to serve my people, and my suffering has brought me closer to them and to God. And even with my disease, I was made a king. Isn't that divine intervention? My purpose on earth?" He said almost monotonously, as if he's had this conversation a thousand times.

You took sip of your medicated water, headache immeadiately reducing in intensity. "So... if you had the chance, would you still be the leper king? Or would you be healthy but... not a king? Just a man who gets to experience life like the rest of us, eat normal food, play with others, walk without having to wear a mask, or even fall in love?"

He remained silent, but his shoulders dropped ever so slightly. Tired? Or defeated?

"I prefer not to think about things I have no control over, Y/n." He finally turned around and his blue eyes looked at yours, though this time, there was something else swirling in them. "Finish your water and head to bed. I don't think you're well enough to tell me a story tonight." You smiled gratefully. Over these past few months, the king had enjoyed the modern world stories you told him. Some were literature classics, like Romeo and Juliet, others were straight up fanfic plots with details missing because he wouldn't have understood them anyways.

You were about to pick up your chalice when suddenly Baldwin fell to the ground.

"Your Majesty!" You rushed over to him, watching him tremble on the ground as he struggled to breathe. You dropped to your knees and attempted to remove his mask, only for him swat your hand away.

"No! You'll get it too!" He said, his eyes screwing shut in pain. He was worried about you contracting leprosy.

"Just- trust me." You pursed your lips as you moved his hand away and removed his mask, before removing the white veil underneath it, which was there to prevent his peeling skin and sores from sticking to the iron mask.

You didn't gasp when you saw his disfigured face. No, you'd seen it already when they constructed his face using modern technology. You touched his forehead with your palm, noticing how warm it was. This was one of his leprosy fevers, it was serious and quiet painful. But you already know he doesn't die until 1185 and it's still 1180.

"I'll go fetch the physician-"

"No!" Baldwin yelled, struggling to breathe. "No- just-" He suddenly whimpered as pain shot through every fiber of his body, making him dig his heels into the ground. Your heart wrenched at the sight.

"Its- too- hot- i-" you looked around before grabbing your chalice and bringing it to his lips, holding his head in your lap, you helped him drink the water. He drank it all, his forehead now covered in sweat and his face still contorted in pain. You held his hand and squeezed it.

"Its okay, Baldwin. I'm here. I'm right here." You whispered, his head resting in your lap as you gently wiped his forehead with your sleeve.

Baldwin stared up into your worried eyes, and that was the last thing he saw before he passed out.

-

Baldwin woke upto screaming. Opening his eyes, his blurred vision slowly cleared upto watch you and Guy screaming at each other, the latter had his hand clawed into your hair.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOURE TALKING TO, YOU WENCH?!" Guy yelled as he shook you harshly.

"A SPINLESS BEING NOT WORTHY OF BEING CALLED A MAN!" You spat back, eyes red with rage.

Guy's eyes widened at the insult before he raised his hand to strike you, but was stopped by Baldwin.

"Guy! Let her go!" Both of your heads snapped towards the king.

"Y-your Majesty?" Guy couldn't believe his eyes. He survived?

"I said- let. Her. Go!" Baldwin commanded as he stood up and walked over to them, making Guy immeadiately let you go and bow to him. Baldwin's eyes landed on you, and you gave him a small bow.

"Leave." Baldwin commanded, eyes fixed on you.

Guy looked up from his his bowing position. "Your Majesty, I'm so glad you're well-"

"I said, LEAVE!" Baldwin's voice boomed, his eyes never leaving yours. Guy scrambled put of the room quickly, and you started to leave as well, but Baldwin grabbed your wrist.

"Not you." He said, those blue eyes piercing into you. "I- how long was I out?"

"2 weeks." You replied.

Baldwin let out small gasp as he let go of your hand and slowly walked towards the mirror in his room. It was quiet for a minute.

"What... happened?" He asked, looking at his reflection.

"Well, after you fainted, I called in the physicians and they took you to your chambers. They had prepared some medication but were hesitant to apply it on you, fearing they'd contract your disease. So, I convinced them to let me do it since I had already touched you. When I was done, your sister, princess Sibylla and Guy came. Guy asked the physicians when you would be dying, and the physicians said a few days and that this time- you may not wake up from your fever. While your sister broke down, and honestly I'm not trying to create problems for you guys, but you could ask anyone and they'd tell you just how much Guy beamed at the news. Anyways, they both left soon after that. Things were quite for a week, with the physicians coming in to give me the medication to apply on you. Then-" you paused trying not to show your frustration in your voice. "In the second week, Guy started fussing around and throwing tantrums since you didn't die yet. I mean, I was in your room but I could still hear him yelling at the physicians outside about how his coronation was being delayed because you were still here. It pissed me off, but you know me- I'm not one to get into family matters. So I didn't do anything. Then today-! Ugh, he came in while I was in your bathroom and I saw him grabbing a pillow and bringing it near your face. He stopped when I chucked your bible at him- so sorry about that but it was nearest thing next to me- and I just asked what he was doing. And do you know what he said? He had the nerve- THE NERVE to say 'I'm just trying to end his suffering, in fact you should do it. I can't risk contracting leprosy, I'm the future king!' And then I chucked your golden cross at him- again very sorry for that. And then we got into an argument and well- that's what you woke up to."

It was quiet again. You looked at Baldwin staring at his reflection, and for a moment, you thought he wasn't listening to you.

Baldwin nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Y/n. You may go to your room now. I will send in some physicians to check if you've contracted leprosy."

You frowned. "I havent-" but you stopped. How were you supposed to explain to him that you're "vaccinated".

In the mirror, his eyes shifted to you. "I know, but I'd like to know for sure. For my peace of mind."

You nodded. "Look, I'll go apologise to Guy right now-"

"No. There's no need. I'll talk to him myself. You've done enough. Please go to your room and wait for me." Baldwin gave you a small smile and watched you leave.

Moments later, he had a guard fetch the head physician in, who confirmed your story.

"Its true, your Majesty. Y/n risked her life to be with you for the past 2 weeks. She didn't leave the room and would apply medication on you herself, changed your clothes, wiped your sweat and even fed you some soup herself. She seemed very determined- almost as if she knew you'd recover. I'm ashamed to admit that I... I did not think you would." The physician even confirmed all the shit Guy had been doing, but Baldwin didn't need anyone's testimony to know that Guy was planning his downfall- and celebrating it. He wasn't surprised by that.

He was surprised by 2 things:

1. You hadn't contracted leprosy.

2. He was recovering from his disease.

"Its true. As you'd asked, I had done a check up on Y/n and I did not find any signs of leprosy... or any disease. She's as fit as can be!" The physician said in awe.

Baldwin smiled at that, looking at the mirror again. His own skin had begun healing. Many of his sores had already disappeared, and his complexion was returning to normal. And physical appearance was one thing, but Baldwin could even feel himself healthy on the inside. That constant ache in his bones was gone, the fatigue was gone, the suffering was gone.

But how? How could it just go away like that?

It's been 2 days since he woke up, and his health only seems to be improving at an exponential rate. And he's still trying to figure out how he got well out of nowhere. Closing his eyes, he tried to recall the events of that night.

All he remembers is falling down, fever enveloping his body so quickly, he felt like he was burning up, and then you were there and you helped him drink-

Baldwin eyes snapped open. It made sense.

He called in the guard and had him fetch his senior council members in his court room.

"I have 2 surprises for you." Baldwin said as he sat on his throne, looking over the members (Sibylla and Guy were also present), all staring and perhaps gawking at how well he looked now. "My disease is cured. I no longer suffer from leprosy." The court immeadiately fell into whispers and mutterings before going silent when he raised a hand. "I know it sounds impossible, but as you can all see, my health has not only improved but in fact I have become stronger. My body is no longer ridden with sores and boils. I no longer wear a mask, neither do I require assistance in walking. In fact, I am even able to use both of my hands to not only use a sword but also-" He pulled out a dagger and aimed it an apple he threw in the air, piercing right through it. "- I am no longer blind in one eye."

The court erupted in cheer, congratulating the king and praising God for saving Baldwin and the kingdom. From his throne, he could see Sibylla clapping in joy and wiping tears from her eyes as she smiled at him, while Guy looked at him in shock.

"Your majesty! What's the other surprise?" One of the members asked.

Baldwin smiled as he stood up.

"I have found a wife. She's the one who healed me."

He looked at the court that had once again erupted into cheer.

"Jerusalem has a new Queen."

-

"What do you mean I can't leave?" You asked the guard who was stationed outside your door.

"Ma'am, as I said before, the king has asked you to wait for him and ordered us to not let you leave until he comes." He said before closing the door again.

You scoffed. Can't leave? Why the hell not?

It's probably because I insulted Guy. He wants to punish me because of that. Will he throw me in the dungeons? Or will he just have my head chopped off?

You pulled out your time machine, the small box in your hands.

Well, I'm not sticking around to find out. Time to leave-

Just then, you heard the door open, making you hide the machine again. Is he finally here?

"Princess Sibylla." You bowed.

She chuckled, grabbing your shoulders. "Now, now. There's no need for that. In fact, I have to be the one bowing to you now." She said before kissing your cheeks. She's always been very humble and kind, and over the past few months, you've developed a good friendship with her.

You gave her a quizzical look. "What do you mean?" She laughed again. "Oh come on. You don't have to hide it anymore. Tell me, how did you persuade Baldwin to marry?"

"The king is getting married? To who?"

Sibylla raised a brow at you. "To-"

"Sibylla." A voice cut her off.

Baldwin was standing at your door. You bowed quickly, he looked at you before shaking his head at his sister.

"Will you leave? I have to talk to Y/n."

Sibylla nodded as she walked towards the door, but not before giving him a hug and congratulating him.

You two were alone now.

Baldwin had his hands clasped behind him as he walked closer to you.

"How are you feeling?" You asked him, eyes shifting to his hands. Is he holding a knife? To punish you for insulting Guy?

"I'm well, all thanks to you." He replied.

"Huh?" You looked at him confused, but your mind was still occupied with his hands. What is he hiding?

I need to delay this and find an escape route to use my time machine. You thought.

"Um- I uh- I heard you're getting married." You gulped, eyes still fixed on his hands, trying to anticipate any sudden movements.

"I am."

"Oh um, congratulations."

"Thank you." Baldwin said, tilting his head slightly at your wide eyes fixed on his hidden hands.

Cute.

"Y/n." He called out to you.

"Look, if you- if you're still mad at me about what I said to Guy, I apologise. But- but just so you know, I- I DONT THINKS ITS GOOD OMEN TO MURDER ME BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED!"

"Y/n."

"I WILL HAUNT YOU-! IM SORRY BUT I WILL AND I WILL HAUNT YOUR WIFE AND YOUR KIDS-"

"Y/n!" You looked at him as he stared at you with amusement. "You're being ridiculous."

"Huh?"

With one hand, he cupped your cheek as he brought himself closer.

"Why would I kill my soon-to-be wife?"

What? Wait-

"What?!" You shrieked backing away. "What kind of joke is that?!"

Baldwin looked insulted. "I wouldn't joke about this. You're very important to me."

"No- I- what?!"

He sighed as he sat on your bed. "Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? You saved me from an incurable disease, clearly you're the Chosen One, sent to me by God, and now I'll marry you."

You looked at him perplexed. "What are you talking about?! Saved you? All I did was help you drink water, apply your medication and-" you paused.

Helped him drink water... from my chalice... the one with... the medicinal vial.

"No." You covered your mouth in shock. What have I done?! This would change history completely! Shit. Shit. shit shit shit-

"Yes. You dont have to be so worried. The council is actually quiet happy that Im marrying someone, and they agree that there is no better match than the woman who saved my life-"

"I did not save your life!"

"Of course, you did. You gave your chalice-" "How is that even possible?! It only had water!" "Water that touched your lips first. Of course, it mustve been your essence, your saliva that healed me-" "Ew, no. Do you even yourself?! This is all unbelievable!"

Baldwin furrowed his brows slightly. "Its... not. I mean, look at you. You spent weeks taking care of me, you touched me, and yet did not even show signs of any illness, let alone leprosy! Of course, youre the chosen one!"

"I am not the chosen one!" You yelled as you pulled at your hair frustratedly. How could you fuck up so bad? If Baldwin really is cured, then history will be changed- and it will have disastrous impacts on future-

Baldwin pulled your hands away from your hair, tutting at you. "Dont do that. Youre the Queen, you cant hurt yourself."

"I am not the Queen."

He nodded. "Yet. But you are a princess now." Baldwin said as he pulled out the box hed been hiding behind his back all this time. Before you could even react, he'd already pulled out the big gold ring with a sapphire that had tiny diamonds around it and he slipped the ring onto your finger. You gawked at the ring making him chuckle.

Baldwin bent down to kiss your forehead sweetly before tapping your cheek admonishingly.

"Now, no hurting yourself princess. I want my queen in perfect health." Your cheeks reddened at how close he was, making him laugh even more as he pecked your forehead again and turned to leave.

You couldn't even say anything, he'd left you speechless. He looked back once, a lazy smile on his face.

"I should leave you to rest now, before Sibylla returns and starts pestering you with wedding preparations. She told me that shed been looking forward to this day for a very long time."

so this is part 1. thoughts????

PART 2 here!

[edenfenixblogs]

Some Excerpts As I Read

Reader Note: I have read The Color Purple and would never dismiss the importance of Alice Walker’s work. However, let’s not pretend that she’s too sacred to critique and treat like any other artist who does something racist. Her work to combat anti-black racism and highlight Black American struggles do not permit or excuse when she engages in other forms of bigotry.

I have never seen someone make a public stink about the extraordinarily racist poem, of which the section quoted above is only the tip of that particular racist iceberg.

In fact, I did not even know that Walker had written this horrible “poem” (if you can call an antisemitic diatribe with weird spacing a poem) —despite being very active in leftist spaces for my whole adult AND adolescent life and being an avid reader or both novels and poetry until 2023.

It was brought to my attention when she caught flak for being a TERF, as an incidental aside to prove that she was actually bigoted in several ways. A trait she ALSO shares with JK Rowling.

Look at these headlines. This is what comes up when I search “Alice walker transphobia.” They clearly label her as a TERF. But they do not make the same claim about her identity as BEING an antisemite. It is removed from her. Antisemitism is clearly not the focus here, which is fine. It is older news. These stories are reporting on her more recent bigotry. Cool.

These are the first results that come up when I search “alice walker antisemitism.”

The first result is from The Times of Israel, which makes sense, because that’s a place where a lot of Jews live and a lot of Jews will be upset by the things she wrote. But it also doesn’t make sense, because Walker is American. Why is the FIRST result about her antisemitism from an international newspaper that happens to have a large Jewish readership?

Why is the NYT headline about how Walker feels about her own bigotry, instead of how her Jewish readers feel?

The New York Magazine Article looked interesting so I clicked it. It was interesting. You should read it. It is an Op-Ed written by a Black, Jewish woman named Nylah Burton. Kudos to her. It was important. And non-Jews need to read it. It was written in 2018.

The Atlantic is next and primarily takes on the work of critiquing a different article in the New Yorker which also minimized the importance and harmful impact of antisemitism.

And then things get interesting. Still, on the first page of results, is this juxtaposition.

Among the many striking things here is the fact that the Jerusalem Post is writing from 2023. Al Jazeera is writing from 2019.

If you’ve read any of the above links or text you will note that yes, Alice Walker’s “offense” is indeed antisemitism. It’s not really debatable. She’s done many, many horrifically antisemitic things.

And yet, Al Jazeera jumps in, unprompted, to defend a known antisemite? Why?????? Oh, because she supports Palestine.

Well…perhaps…just maybe…supporters of Palestine shouldn’t want to leap to the defense of antisemites who spout blatant misinformation about the I/P conflict, demonize the Jews they know personally, and trade in antisemitic conspiracy theories.

Unless of course…they don’t care that they are pushing pro-Palestine Jews out of leftist spaces in the first place.

When did it become acceptable for leftists to excuse someone’s bigotry as long as the bigot agrees with you on other stuff?

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

This request is kinda angsty, but I was wondering if you'd be willing to write something about Baldwin assisting his wife when she faints from heatstroke on a particularly hot day? She is prone to headaches as it is, and the heat does her no good. Basically something sweet about Baldwing reacting to his wife fainting and helping her recover, if it's not too much trouble... 👉🏻👈🏻

♧ I've Got You - King Baldwin x Reader ♧

♧ Angst ♧

A/N: Hello Anon, thank you for your request. I like this one a lot and enjoyed making it, I hope it's what you had in mind! As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figures. Enjoy!

TW: Fainting, Mentions of Dysautonomia, Leprosy

Summer in Jerusalem was always brutal.

Many were used to the heat, leaving them mostly unaffected. However for y/n, the heat was much more than she could take.

Unbeknownst to individuals of the time, with their lack of medical knowledge, the young queen suffered from dysautonomia, induced from trauma during her childhood.

This meant that severe heat caused her to experience extreme headaches, difficulty breathing, and on occasion, fainting. She was already prone to terrible headaches as it was, so the heat did nothing to help that either.

--------------

On a particularly hot day, Baldwin was scheduled to address his subjects and y/n was supposed to be joining him, as usal.

The king knew of his wife’s sensitivity to the heat and insisted that she remain inside the castle, but y/n promised that she would be perfectly fine and that as long as she stood in the shade, nothing would happen.

This did nothing to ease his nerves. But still he agreed, telling her that if she felt even the slightest bit ill that she was more than permitted to enter the castle to lay down.

------------ 

When the hour of the address came, the people gathered in the castle entrance yard to hear their king speak of updates regarding the safety of their land.

Baldwin stood on the royal balcony of the castle and y/n stood behind him, with the rest of the royal officials.

About five minutes had passed after he started speaking when the queen began to feel slightly ill. She thought nothing of it and concentrated on keeping herself standing. The heat worsened her small headache to a migraine, her vision was blurry, and she was having trouble breathing.

Still, she told herself that there was only a few minutes left and that she could wait it out.

It was Tiberias who noticed her sickly appearance first. He was stood with the rest of the royal officials and was also aware of the queen's medical condition.

It was for this reason that he had been keeping a close eye on y/n and was also the first to notice her legs give out from underneath her.

He rushed forward to catch her, just before she hit the ground.

Tibarias called for a guard to take her inside. Amongst the small commotion, Baldwin did not see what happened but was quick to turn when he heard a guard being called.

Seeing his wife unconscious in the arms of a guard sickened him to his core. He gestured for somebody to conclude the address as he followed inside, not caring what others in the crowd thought.

“What happened? Is she alright?” he asked Tibarias frantically, his heart rate quickening.

“She is alright my lord” Tibarias replied quickly, “it's the heat, she just blacked out as you were speaking. She will be just alright” his words only calmed Baldwin’s panic slightly.

He felt ill, the bandages covering his body suddenly feeling too tight. The mask restricted his breathing even more than it usually did.

The guard placed y/n on the couples shared bed in the royal chambers.

Baldwin ordered him to fetch the physicians quickly, moving to the queen's bedside to look at her properly.

She was very pale, but her eyes were shut peacefully. Her breathing was soft and inaudible, if it wasn't for the slight rise and fall of her chest, one would assume her dead from the sickly pale color of her skin.

Noticing the king's look of utter defeat, Tibarias offered a few words of comfort, but they did nothing to ease his worried heart. “It's my fault” Baldwin uttered softly, “I should have told her to stay inside. I knew that this would happen. Oh lord, why did I allow her to stay outside for so long in this awful heat”. He sighed, sitting down on the edge of the large bed and putting his head in his bandaged hands.

“It is not your fault my lord. You weren't to know that something like this would happen. She insisted she would be alright, she would not have assumed something like this to happen either” Tibarias replied, placing a hand on the king's shoulder just as the physicians entered the room. 

---------------

It was late at night by the time y/n’s eyes snapped open. With a gasp, she went to sit up, but a gentle hand pressed her back down. “Easy my lady, everything is alright” a voice soothed her.

As her vision cleared, she began to make out the form of Tibarias, standing beside her. He wiped her forehead with a cool, wet cloth gently.

“What- what happened?” the young queen asked, struggling to form words with her still dazed mind trying to regain consciousness. “You blacked out from the heat, but you're alright now”. As he said that, the memories began to flood her mind.

Her mind suddenly went to her husband, why wasn't he here? “Baldwin, where is he? Is he alright? I know how worried he gets” she began to panic again, a thousand scenarios flooding her mind about what could have happened while she was unconscious.

A small smile crossed the royal official's face as he gestured to her side with his eyes.

Turning her head slowly, y/n was suddenly aware of a gentle weight on her shoulder. Her mind was instantly put at ease when Baldwin's mess of blonde curls tucked under her chin came into view as well as his arm draped over her stomach. His mask was removed and placed on the side table closest to her. His warmth was pleasant, especially without the cold of the iron mask against her skin.

“He fell asleep at your bedside earlier this evening after remaining beside you all day,” Tibarias explained. “He was so worried about you. He felt awful for having you out there in the heat”.

Y/n smiled softly. She loved him so much and the fact that he was so worried about her and her health constantly, despite his disease, made her love him even more.

Gently, she lifted up her arm and placed it around her husband's back. “Thank you Tibarias. I can assure you that I am fine now. You are welcome to go get some rest” she offered through half lidded eyes and a weak smile.

“Thank you my lady, have a pleasant rest” 

“To you as well”.

Once Tibarias left the room, she turned her attention to Baldwin.

“I’m sorry for scaring you my love” she whispered to his sleeping form, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Thank you for taking care of me” she said before closing her eyes, finally allowing the pleasant breeze coming through the open balcony doors and her husband's soft breath against her chest to lull her into sleep.

[palestinegenocide]

The exquisite choreography of hosting a war criminal at the White House

The grisly farce that is the Biden administration’s support for Israeli war crimes became even more grotesque this week.

Netanyahu is coming to Washington in a few days. Democrats believe overwhelmingly that Netanyahu is carrying out a genocide– nearly 39,000 Palestinians deaths with thousands more under the rubble. So some Dems will boycott Netanyahu’s speech to the Congress, but the Democratic Party leadership is rolling out the welcome mat.

Netanyahu is to meet at the White House with the president who has provided Israel with endless munitions to carry out the war. And though many expect Biden to drop out of the presidential race,the New York Times says Biden won’t do so before he meets with Netanyahu, because Biden does not want to give the far-right-wing prime minister who has repeatedly bossed Democratic presidents the “satisfaction” of seeing Biden when he’s a lame duck.

Though if you think Kamala Harris will stand up for human rights and U.S. interests if she becomes president—think again, she is going to meet Netanyahu too, the White House assured the press.

Why meet with this war criminal at all? To answer that, consider who are the most important voters in the Biden debate right now: the donors who are the last shoe to drop on Biden’s reelection hopes, pulling their money to pressure the president to get out of the race.

Many of these donors now in rebellion are big Israel supporters. Michael Moritz the latest billionaire to put it to Biden has been in solidarity with Israel. Reid Hoffman who organized a concerned donors call with Kamala Harris calls Israeli forces a model.

While another group of 75 donors almost all of whom want Biden out is reported by CNBC to include as leaders Ari Emanuel and his brother Zeke. Ari Emanuel said that Israel’s war is “justified” in May 2024, and has said that he loves the country. Of course, there are Dem donors who don’t care about Israel. But the power map is clear.

It’s not like Trump is any different. The top Republican donor is thought to be Miriam Adelson, the Israeli doctor, and she is reportedly spending millions to stake Trump to a promise to allow Israeli annexation of the West Bank.

Just as Adelson’s late husband Sheldon, once the biggest Republican donor, asked Trump to move the embassy to Jerusalem and trash the Iran deal, and Trump followed through, in utter contempt for the Palestinian people and world leaders.

So our Middle East policy is up for bid by billionaire zealots. This is what a liberal democracy looks like.

In any just order, the U.S. would have nothing to do with Israel. The country is committing flagrant war crimes in Gaza, killing journalists and athletes and other civilians with complete impunity.

And the International Court of Justice last week issued (yet another) ruling saying that the settlements in East Jerusalem and the West Bank are violations of international law.

Back in December 2016 the Obama administration after 8 years of being walked over by Netanyahu allowed the U.N. Security Council to issue the same determination, in a resolution on which Obama abstained, that condemned the occupation. President-elect Trump called the Russians to try and stop the resolution but it went through. And of course nothing came of it. The Biden administration has never followed through on the landgrab, and the ethnic cleansing.

Al Jazeera graphic showing Israeli land seizures at a 25 year high in West Bank.

The Knesset passed a resolution this week saying there must never be a Palestinian state; that would be an “existential threat” to Israel.

Netanyahu repeated the claim of Jewish supremacy in his response to the International Court of Justice.

The Jewish people are not occupiers in their own land, including in our eternal capital Jerusalem nor in Judea and Samaria, our historical homeland. No absurd opinion in the Hague can deny this historical truth or the legal right of Israelis to live in their own communities in our ancestoral home.

The Biden administration is incapable of condemning these racists. “It’s like pulling teeth to get you to say something on this,” a reporter complained in the State Department this week after the Knesset’s attack on a Palestinian state.

Antony Blinken was unable to say a critical word about Netanyahu during a fawning interview in Aspen (by NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly) in which he used a football metaphor to claim the U.S. was doing something to stop the genocide. “I believe we’re inside the 10-yard line and driving toward the goal line in getting an agreement that would produce a ceasefire, get the hostages home, and put us on a better track to trying to build lasting peace and stability.”

And keep the bombs flowing, as Israel bombs hospitals and refugee camps…

Netanyahu should be persona non grata in Washington. But he will be welcomed with open arms.

As a former Biden official Tariq Habash said on a webinar this week, our policy is “rooted in anti-Palestinian racism”– in the dehumanization and erasure of Palestinians.

Habash quit the Biden administration in January. Let’s hope that his courage and honesty are infectious.

[arioloyal]

Sepandarmazgan

Part 4

(King baldwin iv x reader)

Warning: none

A/n : This part of the story is narrated by a knight named Kristous. I have decided to give this story a philosophical and romantic aspect so that can't just be a boring lovestory . Merry Christmas to all my Christian friends. I hope your dreams and wishes come true this year♡

Like and reblogs are appreciated

Kristous pov:

Our jaws were still dropped from our mouths and our face were pale. We were all waiting for lord lusignan today when we suddenly saw lady y/n just enter the door. What were we left to do? We had heard enough terrible things about her, especially from Reynald de Chatillon, when we saw her appear before us like that, we unconsciously felt a little fear. But her behavior seemed very kind and friendly. After welcoming us one by one, she said that she came here to have a little talk with lord Guy de Lusignan.

I was afraid that something would happen. I said, "lord...lord Lusignan doesn't usually welcome uninvited guests, especially guests who find their way into his secret meetings. It's better to go now and talk to him personally later."

Lady y/n said, “God bless all of you knights of the Holy Land. Thank you for the warning, but sometimes it takes an incident to solve some problems.”

What?! She had read my mind? Honestly, I had heard before that y/n could read people's minds.

"Don't worry," she continued, " this conversation won't last long."

jerard was sitting next to me. He bent down and whispered in my ear: "Look at this rude woman! She has come to the secret hall! She's really the devil of Jerusalem."

I shook my head, but to be honest, I didn't saw anything like the devil in her. The image she made of herself in my mind was that of a pious, faithful, frank and bold woman. I kept my thoughts to myself.

A few minutes later, Guy entered the door. He seemed to be deep in thought, his eyebrows were close to each other. He hadn't taken a single step. he froze there and looked at the uninvited guest.

"What is this infidel woman doing here? Why did you let her disturb our secret meeting?"

We knights looked at each other but before we could answer, y/n interrupted him and said that she had been walking around the palace when she happened to come across here and wanted to see a man who hate her the most in the entire of Jerusalem.

Some of the knights coughed nervously and embarrassedly. I looked at jerard, he was also nervous and worried. There was such anxiety in the air that you could even touch it with your hand.

Lord Lusignan said, "I don't care why you came here. I have more important things to do than talk to you. You have no right to be here at all. Hurry up and get out."

Lady y/n said, "I see you don't want to talk in front of me. But behind my back you gossip like a nightingale, no one can stop you. You have a habit of gossiping behind me and the king and making dirty accusations. Now Since we have occupied your mind so much, you probably have some questions. go ahead! I'm listening!"

:"I have nothing to do with you. Whatever I need to know, I know. all these knights as well."

At that moment, lady y/n turned to us and raised her voice, "If someone says, 'I know everything I need to know,' they should not be known as your lord, but as a fool." . Only the ignorant think they know everything."

Guy's face was red with anger. Until today, no one had been seen with such boldness in the palace.

:"In that case, come and ask these knights: Which one is more important for Jerusalem? The holy soldiers and defenders of Jerusalem or a wandering madman who does nothing but pry and ask questions and whose mind is always distracted?"

All the people present there took the guy's side, but I felt that most of them are not honest and just want to gain his trust.

Lady y/n asked, :"You sit everywhere and with everyone and talk behind my back. You say I was sent by the devil. Okay, now that's the case, please tell me what a devil is?”

Lord Lusignan, who now had a good opportunity to express himself, said: "devil is the worst enemy to man and humanity, and always walks among us in disguise. Sometimes in the form of a poor and seemingly innocent human, and sometimes in the form of a beautiful woman. comes to encourage us to get out of the right path. The devil appears in different forms that we don't expect it at all. For example, may appear in the form of a traveling and ordinary girl. But the faithful soldiers of Christ, won't listen to such a evil. "They never allow you to enter their privacy." Then he examined her from head to toe.

Lady y/n smiled as if she was expecting this insult and said,: "I know what you mean. But it was so easy! It's good for us to always look for the devil in others, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" he asked hesitantly.

:"Well, if the devil is as cunning and powerful as you say and is always waiting for an opportunity to be by our side, what is the need for us, the humans, to blame ourselves for the mistakes that we have done with our own wish? we usually say that all sins is because of the devil and all good is from the god, so what exactly we're doing here as a human? In this way, there is no reason to ask ourselves questions and make up for our mistakes. We blame everything either on Satan or on God. Let's go. See ? how easy it is?"

:"You either have a lot of courage and intelligence or you're very stupid to talk about such things to such people." Guy said to y/n

But she continued talking as if she didn't hear his voice and started walking in the hall between us.

: "a human is such a complex being that he can prepare both heaven and hell for himself. is the highest creation of God. However, can become higher than high or lower than low. If we understood the meaning of this deeply, Then we wouldn't look for the devil outside, but inside our own soul. The only thing we need is to check ourselves, not to look for mistakes in others."

jerard said from the corner with a mocking tone: "You, fire worshiper, you better check yourself first. I hope one day you will answer for the lies you're saying."

:"So let me tell you a story," she said.

... Four merchants were praying in an empty church. At the same time, the head of the merchants joins them. The first merchant abandons his prayer and immediately asks: "Then what will happen to these loads of silk that we were supposed to take with us?"

The second merchant abandons his prayer and says to his friend: You fool! Don't you know that you should not talk to anyone during prayer? Now all your prayers will be null and void."

The third merchant also made such statements.

The fourth merchant couldn't bear it anymore. he whispered: Look at these fools! All three of them gave up their prayers. thanks to the god, i didn't allow myself to be deceived and stop my worship with idle words like them."

After finishing this story, y/n turned to the knights and asked, "Well, what do you think? Which one of these four merchants do you think had their prayers accepted by the god?"

There was a wave in the hall, some of the templars thought, some started to discuss the answer. Finally, one of them shouted from the bottom of the hall: "The prayers of the second, third and fourth merchants are not accepted. Only the first merchant is innocent because he only asked to consult his boss."

Another one said: "Yes, but he shouldn't have left his prayer half-done. In my opinion, except for the fourth one, the rest of the merchants were wrong. The fourth merchant was only talking to himself."

I looked away from them. I wasn't sure that any of these two answers were correct. But I preferred not to say anything. If I say my opinion, probably no one would like it. Suddenly, y/n stood up, pointed at me and asked.

Well, what do you think?!"

I said: "If these merchants have a fault, it is that they stopped worship and spoke. Their main mistake was that instead of focusing on God and the truth of the prayer they recited, they started criticizing each other." Their thoughts are somewhere else and all their senses are distracted. Now if we judge them, we will also commit the same sin."

One of those bigoted knights interrupted me: "What do you want to say?"

I answered: "I say that all four merchants are wrong for the same reason. But on the other hand, it's not right to judge them because I don't know which one of them was accepted by the Lord. As a person, I only do my work and deal with my own mistakes. I have nothing to do with others but protect them."

Lady y/n gave me such an admiring look that I felt like I was being praised by the whole world. she asked my name. "Kristous, my lady," I said.

At that time y/n turned to the rest of the templars and knights and said:" your friend is a true knight, maybe he is not aware of this fact yet. But his soul is very similar to the pious men. I think that Now you understand the difference between a fanatic and a true knight. You must be very careful about your thoughts. Because the disease caused by thoughts is much worse than physical disease, and bigotry is a disease worse than leprosy. will take all your soul and faith away . Be more careful in choosing your friends."

lord Guy, who couldn't take it anymore, angrily left the hall and slammed the door behind him. if she wasn't the king's special guest, im sure she would be behaded right there.

A few people laughed a little after he left, but y/n said with obvious sadness in her voice, :"I've met hundreds of knights and members of this palace so far, some of them were very honest and sincere people like the king. But some, even a little bit They did not understood the real Christianity properly and only used it for their own benefit. It is true that I am not a Christian, but this much I understood that it is possible to live with someone despite all the differences without causing harm. The true love of God is never combined with ambition for power . And I wouldn't never exchange it to wealth."

she raised her head and returned to her previous determination: "That's enough for today. What you witnessed today is the separation of mind and heart. This duality exists in all religions. Make your choices!"

she was silent for a while, as if she was waiting for us to understand her words.

:"In any case, neither your lord Lusignan knows more than he should know, nor do I. Maybe he is blind, and I am also blind. The important thing is that the blindness of a person doesn't harm the sun. The discussion of people with different religions is also has no effect on God. Now you understand why your king always prefers peace."

she put her hand on her chest and said goodbye to all of us and left us all alone in that hall with thousands of questions.

I raised my head for a moment and was horrified by what I saw. I saw the king who witnessed all the events from behind the columns of the upper floor. I wanted to inform everyone but he gave me a sign that I should remain silent. Today was supposed to be a day full of mystery. didn't end well...

To be continued...

[sunnycanvas]

Hello, could you make one where Balwin's girlfriend is from the future and due to destiny, she is in Balwin's time and they both fall in love and she manages to take Balwin to the future where they both get married and spend Christmas with their in-laws and they want it.

It was late evening in the city with snow beginning to fall. "Darling are you sure you will be able to handle it" "The Christmas tree is too tall". Baldwin enthusiastically said"Don't worry, I am strong now thanks to you" "I can now easily handle manual labour" I smiled and shaked my head. Baldwin loved to do manual labour. Especially since he got his strength back but I couldn't help but look concern. "There" he said smiling. "Now quickly switch on the light" . I quickly ran towards the switch not before yelling a warning "Be careful with wires" Baldwin frowned and said "I know love, besides they aren't that dangerous" . "I guess you are the one who needs a professional help" "What do you say shall we hire professional helper and lie to them saying that you need learning about surroundings since you have amnesia" Baldwin IV smirked teasingly. While I flushed in embarrassment remembering our earlier days. Just then a memory striked me and I began laughing. Baldwin IV confused asked "What's so funny". His confused expression reminded me of earlier days and I laughed even more. "Remember how you used to be scared of cars and bikes" "It was cute how tightly you held my hand insisting we cross the road together and how you would try to sheild me with your body as if ready to fight for me whenever the vehicle was approaching it was cute". Baldwin IV shocked and embarassed that I would bring up the memory quickly got down the ladder and chased after me. He almost succeeded in catching me until the door bell rang "Must be my parents let me open it quick"

I had been setting food on the table with the help of my mom. As I put down the Christmas pie I thought of calling my husband, Baldwin IV for dinner but decided to change my mind once I saw him staring outside the window sadly. My heart pained knowing how much he longed his home. To ease his pain I promised to take him to Jerusalem for our next upcoming trip. I can still easily recall Baldwin IV 's face how he was shocked and fascinated when he got to know current situation of his homeland.

"So that's it, that's how the story ends" "What did I fight for, to everything to go in vain" "I wish it didn't end up how it has"

I quietly put down the Christmas pie as I watched him staring outside the window. Making note to myself to call him bit later afterwards. My mother who bought freshly cooked turkey while placing it on the table noticing my pain decided to distract me by conversation said "You know our family has a history of time traveling" "Some of our ancestors take your grandma for example had also fallen in love with someone from past but this is the first time some one was to future" "People in our family tree who refused to leave their significant other settled in past with them" "Not all had happy ending of course" "Some severely regretted their decision and came back to future"

I closed my eyes sadly and recalled how my grandma fell in love with a king and married him but he cheated on her and expected her to endure so she left. Luckily she found grandpa and has been happily married since

"You know dear please don't take offence but I am suprised, how much your significant lover was willing to fight for you" "It's rare to find someone who would be willing to go this far" "Make sure not to loose him"

I smiled and said "I know mother" "I too love him very much" "I am glad I was able to cure him thanks to medical treatment here".

My mother looked at my husband and saw him sadly staring outside the window said "He seems to miss his home"

"He sure does"

My mom patted my shoulder and went to call my husband. Baldwin IV smiled moment our eyes met. "My love" he said. I smiled and proceeded to kiss him but he said"Stop your mother is here staring at us". Both my mom and I laughed at his bashful expression. As we settled down Baldwin IV asked about my father

"He will be late and asked us to proceed without him" "By the way you both have done marvelous job in decorating the house". Baldwin IV smiled and said "Couldn't have done without your daughters help". Suddenly Baldwin IV expression became sad again as he said"I wish my nephew was here though, he would definitely love being here, I miss him so much". "Things have changed a lot, except for the snow which remains same" "It's good that I have something with me from the past " I put my hand on his hand squeezing it to reassure him. Baldwin IV noticing my expression squeezed my hand back and smiled at me to reassure me that I am fine.

"Siting on dinner table without switching on the Christmas lights". My dad yelled as he quickly sat down on table holding bottle of wine. "And completely forgot about wine, no Christmas celebration is complete without wine". "I see my daughter has done marvelous job in worsening you" I scoffed at my dad's playful remark as Baldwin IV laughed. Baldwin IV smirked and teasingly said "She sure has"

"Hey" I retorated as I playfully punched him. My parents smiled as they watched our banter. "I couldn't ask for a better son in law" said my dad proudly. "Me too" commented my mom happily. Baldwin IV grew shy after hearing this and I took a chance and kissed him on the cheek.

"Hey"

"This is payback". I happily retorated. "Now" my mom commanded sternly. "Eat your food or else it will get cold". Baldwin IV hearing this said "First let us pray and thank our lord". My parents and I immediately closed our eyes. Baldwin IV gently leaned toward me and whispered "and thanking him to bless me with such a beautiful wife" and slowly kissed my ear lobe making me blush. After we were done with prayers. Baldwin IV raised his glass and said "To my homeland and for my dear nephew, sister and mother who couldn't join me here today , Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas" We cheered back and clicked our glasses happily enjoying our food. With the snow getting making it dark quickly. Glowed our beautiful house in yellow during Christmas filled with cheers and laughter

[greatwyrmgold]

Another "The Problem of Susan" post

As you may know:

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe was not a standalone book. There were seven books in the series, each with more Christian allegory than the last.

(Or maybe it's not allegory? Apparently C.S. Lewis has said that Aslan is literally Jesus, so maybe it's all literally just Christianity.)

The series stars the four Pevensie siblings who show up in most of the books—Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy. They're absent from The Silver Chair and The Magician's Nephew, but all appear together in the other five books, with one exception.

The last book, called The Last Battle, features Peter, Edmund, and Lucy, but not Susan. Not only does Susan not appear, she's mentioned exactly once:

"Sir," said Tirian, when he had greeted all these. "If I have read the chronicles aright, there should be another. Has not your Majesty two sisters? Where is Queen Susan?" "My sister Susan," answered Peter shortly and gravely, "is no longer a friend of Narnia." "Yes," said Eustace, "and whenever you've tried to get her to come and talk about Narnia or do anything about Narnia, she says 'What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.'" "Oh Susan!" said Jill, "she's interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up." "Grown-up, indeed," said the Lady Polly. "I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can." "Well, don't let's talk about that now," said Peter. "Look! Here are lovely fruit trees. Let us taste them."

(Oh yeah, the kids were kinds and queens of Narnia for a few decades when they were kids. Don't think about it too much.)

The Problem of Susan gets even worse because right at the end of the book, Aslan reveals that the Pevensies, their parents, and other Earth-humans who went to Narnia (like the Eustace and Polly mentioned above) died right before coming to Narnia this last time. And now that the Book of Revelations is done, they will live forever in "the true Narnia," which is either an allegory for Revelation's New Jerusalem or literally heaven, I'm not sure which.

Susan is still not there.

So, the first part of the Problem of Susan is that a formerly major character—one that many young fans of the series felt attached to—who gets all but dropped from the finale. This is particularly egregious, since—this is a direct quote— "Everyone you had ever heard of (if you knew the history of those countries) seemed to be there" by the end. Every character from the entire series, from Mr. Tumnus the faun to that cab driver who became the first King of Narnia, it makes sense in context.

But not Susan.

And I guess that makes sense in context, too; she's not dead. But C.S. Lewis wrote the context. It was C.S. Lewis's decision to kill off the other Pevensies, and C.S. Lewis's decision to keep Susan out of this last adventure.

Christian Apologetics, for Kids!

I've seen three common responses to The Problem of Susan from overly-protective fans of the series.

The first is, perhaps unsurprisingly, just a remix of shit fundamentalist Christians say about Heaven and Hell. Just as agnostics will burn in the fires of hell for their ambiguous faith, so Susan will be barred from "the true Narnia" for being less allegorically(?) pious than her siblings.

Speaking as an ex-Christian, I could write a whole series of posts about why that's fucked-up and wrong. But I will instead remain on topic and recommend you read basically any atheist blog from the early '10s; that eternal damnation/salvation shit is low-hanging fruit for guys who want to make fun of fundies.

Second, you have people who see Susan as materialistic, caring so much about "nylons and lipstick and invitations." First off, nothing in the text suggests she was maliciously materialistic, or greedy, or anything else that would merit getting kicked out of Narnia. Second, the text just...does not support this reading. Susan's sin isn't greed, it's growing up too fast.

Third are the people who agree with the text; Susan "always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up." This has textual support, and not just from the one page in The Last Battle that mentions her. The problem is, of course, that this isn't a sin worthy of punishment either.

(Zeroth: Susan spent decades as a queen of Narnia, but since because the books want us to think that that wouldn't have any real impact on the kids, we will continue not thinking about it too much.)

With that out of the way: Wanting to be older than you are is fine, wanting to be younger than you are is fine, wanting to be the age you are is great. There is nothing inherently wrong with either wanting to be treated as a grown-up or seeking the joy of youth. It can lead to bad behavior, but none of that is described in the actual text of The Last Battle.

Susan is described as misremembering the fantastical adventures the Pevensies had as children, and wanting to be a young adult for as long as possible. Who. Cares.

It seems like C.S. Lewis puts an unreasonably high premium on the innocence of childhood. (This has what I consider to be unfortunate implications when combined with his advocacy of blind faith in The Silver Chair, but that's a topic for another ramble.) This is, I feel, ridiculous. It's fine to seek the joy of youth, but to treat losing that joy as some kind of mortal sin is absurd! Treating the loss of innocence as an inevitable tragedy is one thing; treating it as something worth punishing a kid for if they stumble into it too quickly is horrific.

(And it's really hard to not think about that time Susan was a literal monarch. Well, there were four of them, so I guess she was more of a tetrarch? Whatever.)

Anyways. The fourth response is to point to things C.S. Lewis said after publishing The Last Battle. And I'm going to discuss that.

Contrite-over-Susan Lewis

Unfortunately, I can't find the actual quotes by C.S. Lewis, not in the time I'm willing to spend researching a Tumblr post about a book that was old when my parents were young. But C.S. Lewis has acknowledged the problem of Susan.

The gist of what he said is that he's not happy that Susan's story is incomplete, but writing her redemption arc would put the story into a whole different genre, and that's no good.

My first problem is, of course, the idea that Susan needed to change to be worthy of Narnia. So what if she was always the most skeptical Pevensie? So what if she wanted to grow up? So what if she likes nylons and lipstick and invitations? If the Susan we see in the other books isn't worthy of the true Narnia, that's Lewis's problem, not Susan's.

The second is that C.S. Lewis never wrote that book. Lewis would say that it's out of step with the rest of the series, that the tone would be off, but so is The Last Battle to anyone not drowning in Armageddon-lust. And it's not like character arcs are foreign to the series, either. There are plenty of examples of kids from our Earth going to Narnia and having it change their worldview or attitude. They're mostly small subplots, but elevating a Susan character arc to a booklong undercurrent would not be that much of a divergence.

And even if Lewis committed himself to only writing seven books for numerological reasons—well, first off, he probably could have cut one of the other books. A Horse and his Boy is neat, but depicting the lives of ordinary Narnians during a dramatic time probably should have taken a back seat to a character arc you think is required for her to join the finale. Anyways, he could have written the Susan character arc as a subplot in Prince Caspian or Voyage of the Dawn Treader if he tried.

But he didn't try.

Conclusion

C.S. Lewis supposedly said that Susan was his favorite character, the one he saw the most of himself in. If true, that is not reflected in The Last Battle.

Lewis set some arbitrary conditions Susan would have to meet to join her siblings at the end—at the climax of the entire series, arguably the most important event in Narnian history since the world's creation. He then chose not to write anything that would let Susan meet those conditions, left her out of the last book, and left it ambiguous as to whether she'd ever see her siblings in paradise.

I don't think this would be quite so egregious if Susan was at least mentioned more. Again, Susan is never mentioned before Tirian asks where she is, nor after Peter decides to taste some fruit. She gets three and a half paragraphs where her brother and "friends" bitch about her, and that's that. They make fun of her for growing up and liking nylons and lipstick, then they decide to eat fruit, end of chapter, end of Susan.

It's like the characters don't give a shit about Susan. They're not angry, they're not disappointed, they're not confused. They state a few things about Susan when directly asked, then move on, like these are just facts about some fictional character and not the reasons they're estranged from a sibling or longtime friend. Heck, the younger Pevensies don't even bother to speak up! They don't care!

And if the characters don't care about the formerly important character—important both to the story and, more importantly, to them—why should I think the author did?

[hamliet]

Hamliet, can I ask what do you think of Judas Iscariot? I just heard my mom told my little niece so she don't end up like Judas Iscariot the "Traitor". Like I think it's so sad to become doom since birth. But without his actions there would not be crucifixion, right? Now when I become an adult I felt sorry for him.

And as Christian, I'm embarrassed that my Church still support Is**el even until now because that is what the Bible said, like WTF....

Also, I'm glad when I read your meta, that I'm not the only one who think David is bisexual....

To start with, yeah. That's awful. I grew up in a church with similar views. That's a very uncritical view of Scripture, to the point where it denies the authenticity/power of other aspects of the Bible in favor of literalism (and in favor of earthly powers like nation-states, which is all too often at the root of a lot of evil done in the name of not just Christianity, but any religion). The Bible tells everyone to love thy neighbor as yourself and to welcome people. Christian nationalism is a cancer and responsible for a lot of the support for the government of Israel in the US. But that again centers power, not Christ.

For Judas... well. I'm sorry your niece got told that; unless she's threatening to sell your mom or her friends out to the state for the death penalty I don't think that's a fair accusation lol.

Putting under the cut because I'm gonna talk theology!

But to get back to Judas, it actually connects to what I said above a bit--namely, earthly powers. I think Judas was well-intentioned and tragic. When Jesus entered the gates of Jerusalem the week prior to the crucifixion, everyone was shouting "Hosanna!" and laying down olive branches because they believed he was the Messiah, whom they believed would oust the Roman Empire who had been oppressing them. And them wanting the Romans gone was, to put it mildly, very valid.

But that wasn't what Jesus came to do in the Gospels. He came to do more than they could ask or think--instead of liberating them from earthly powers of oppression and moving on to spiritual ones, he started with the spiritual first (the ones we humans cannot hope to counter). He conquered death itself. But to do that, he had to die. As humans, we can't conquer death on our own--it's a natural part of life, and yet paradoxically, everyone who has ever lost someone close to them knows how unnatural death is.

That isn't to say Jesus didn't care about the earthly powers. I think he does. But he gave people the Holy Spirit to help move earthly powers; the sad thing is that the Church has all too often joined forces with them instead of, you know, reconsidering. But power is a very appealing idea, because at the heart of power comes justification and affirmation of the ones in power.

To bring it back to Judas--I honestly think there's a very good chance he was among the people who made the assumption Jesus would liberate them from Roman rule. Actually, it's pretty clear in Scripture that most if not all the disciples thought this, which is why they didn't seem to "get" the fact that he literally told them he was going to die over and over. And so Judas took matters into his own hands and handed Jesus over, hoping that this would jumpstart the revolution. Except it didn't, and Judas regretted it.

I also think it's worth noting that almost all the disciples, including Judas, were under 20 years old. At that time if they were older than 20, they would have been married. Peter is the only disciple who is said to be married; it's also plausible Matthew was older than 20 thanks to being a tax collector. The rest almost certainly were not.

So think of Judas as being like, 17-19 here. Idealist kiddo thinking he knows best and can save the world, who has grown up under occupation and seen the abuses that causes first hand, hopes to not only be liberated (a good hope) but to be in power himself; what's wrong with taking steps to force this to happen? I think it's more than understandable why he did what he did, and thought he was justified. I don't know I'd think differently.

But he wasn't. An innocent man was crucified. Yet from that act, the world was offered resurrection, a chance at a new life. From the evil, God turned it to good. Judas, it seems, didn't stick around long enough to see that.

However, that doesn't mean that Judas is in the deepest circle of hell for ever and ever. We don't know that. There is another verse in the Bible that states that Jesus is reconciling "all things" to himself. And the word for all means all, as in everything, everywhere, every time. I've got to think that means Judas, too.

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Gentile. | Chapter XXXVII

There is no clean water in the village, which makes for quite a crabby Praetor. Tension between Quintus and Atticus rises as the latter sets out for Jerusalem.  Chapter list

Your fingers tremble as they barely hold on to the letter received from Rome written in Lucius’ hasty hand. Tears stain the papyrus, but you don’t care if it bleeds. 

“What now?” Quintus snaps when he sets foot over the threshold of the kitchen, sweat beading on his forehead in spite of it being early in the morning. “Is your pregnancy making you act like this again? It’s getting old quickly, (Y/n), can’t keep giving into it.”

“Lucilla is doing really bad.” you whimper. Quintus narrows his eyes as if he is unsure whom you are talking about, and since you do not expect any better of him, you soon clarify. “My brother’s daughter.”

Quintus’ eyebrows shoot up. “Oh. What’s going on?”

You sniffle and wipe your nose on your sleeve, gathering yourself. Quintus strides over to stand behind you and puts a hand on the small of your back, attempting to pry the piece of correspondence from your fingers. As he lets his eyes go over it, you tell him: 

“It’s her lungs, Quintus, something's not quite right there. She seems to have issues breathing properly. She does manually breathe, but Lucius has to check on her every so often and turn her so that liquid does not get stuck. At least, that’s what the physicians told him to do. They… They’re going to get a few priests involved to get some rituals going.” 

Your husband sighs and hands you back the letter before kissing your cheek. “Don’t you worry too much now, hm? Worry about our baby instead. The more important baby. This one is a boy, I can feel it.” 

Attempting to get yourself together, you wipe the tears from below your eyes with the back of your hand and take a few deep breaths. “So,” you breathe, “What are you going to do today?”

“Hm, going to have a quick lunch and then I’ve got paperwork to sort out.” He huffs. “Always the pesky paperwork. It never ends.” Quintus sighs and grabs the cup of water that the servant has placed on the table for him, bringing it to his lips. “I swear, if I could hire someone I could actually trust to do my paperwork for me properly, I would and–- What in the–-!” 

Out of nowhere, he lunges forward to grab an empty bucket on the floor and wretches into it, the clay cup in his hand shattering on the floor as he releases it out of instinct. You gasp at the sight, a hand over your mouth as Quintus’ face turns red, the sound of him hawking a few more times into the bucket making you feel equally as queasy. 

“What’s happening?” You offer him your own cup of water, and he grabs it from your hands roughly.

“Give that here.” he barks, grabbing the bucket and pouring the contents of the cup into the bucket. A brown, stinking substance comes from it, and Quintus pulls a face. “By Styx, what on Earth is that…?! Did someone try to poison us?” His voice holds an edge of building rage, although it’s nothing but an ungrounded accusation just yet.

“I’ll ask a servant to get us some new water.” you attempt to contain his anger, and you head out of the kitchen before even hearing his answer. “Hey you, young man.”

A boy in his late teens looks up. 

“Could you please fetch us some fresh water? The water in our cups is old and contaminated.” To make up for your tone, you smile at him in a way that Quintus cannot see.

He gives you an apologetic look, bowing his head. “My lady, I would give you all the clean water in the world if I could, but…” 

You give him a worried look when he falls quiet. “But… what?” you softly query. 

“...But the cistern is broken, my lady. There is no clean water in the city.”

You cannot even open your mouth to speak when Quintus barks behind you. “What?! What are you saying, boy?!”

“D-Dominus, the cistern is broken and the sewage has made its way into the water, and—”

“Are you telling me I just drank water with faeces in it?!” 

You have to control yourself by pressing your hand against your mouth to prevent the snicker from escaping you. The idea of Quintus drinking such a substance is rather amusing, no matter how nasty it actually is.

Quintus’ face is flushed and the vein on his temple pulses angrily. “Get me Octavius. Fetch me Octavius, boy! Tell him to come to my office at once.” 

Your husband stomps away to get into his attire, but before he does so, he sharply turns to you. “Come with me.”

“What? Why?”

“I want to keep an eye on you. Can’t be too careful nowadays, with a broken cistern! How will you drink water, huh? It could be harmful to the baby if you were to consume that disgusting stuff!”

Humming, you slightly tilt your head. “Do you really think I’d actually want to drink that water right now?”

Quintus narrows his eyes. “You’d be dumb enough to do so. Now come.”

Knowing better than to argue it, you sigh, taking your cloak to head with him to his office.

His secretary is already in the building as you enter, and you greet him with a gentle nod. He smiles and gives you and Quintus a small bow. 

You take your usual seat and scoot into the corner of your chaise longue, grabbing your embroidery piece that has been collecting dust on the small table next to the sofa. Although you know you should be writing letters instead to both your brother and Joanna, you are aware that you wouldn’t be able to concentrate on it at this very moment. Quintus paces around with whitened knuckles, chewing his nail as his entire form is tensed up with utter frustration. 

“Where is that useless piece of–-”

“—The spokesperson of the local Aedilis is here, Dominus.”

Quintus sighs. “Right. Send him in.”

A middle-aged man with a hurried flush on his cheeks enters the office slightly out of breath, a thin sheen of sweat shimmering on his forehead. His anxious eyes flit from the Praetor to you and back to Quintus again, and he gulps before bowing slightly. “Reporting for duty, Dominus.”

Quintus’ face contorts. “Duty, huh? Seems like you lot have been awfully inept at keeping up with it.”

Octavius doesn’t reply.

Your husband sighs, his teeth grinding together. On the surface, he might seem slightly annoyed. Within the layers thereunder, you know him to be fuming. Dangerous. Perhaps even lethal. One wrong word from Octavius and Quintus would have his head on a pike.  

“This morning, I went to take a drink of water and found something… extraordinarily unpleasant.”

“T-The cistern is broken, Dominus.”

“You don’t say.” the Praetor sarcastically retorts, tilting his head slightly. “I gulped down a mouthful of faeces and gods know what else was in that awful filth because of your incompetence!” 

His voice raises in volume and you flinch in your seat, trying to be even more invisible than you already are. 

Quintus sharply turns to a servant. “Bring me some water.” he snaps, “Bring it to me quickly.” The servant rushes off to fetch said request, and the Praetor turns to Octavius again.

“See her, Octavius?” The spokesperson of the local Aedilis barely dares to look at you, but manages to rest his eyes on your form for a few seconds before he averts his gaze, not wanting any further trouble. “My wife, who is currently six months pregnant with our child. She needs water now more than ever. Do you think I’m going to let her walk twenty miles to the nearest well to draw some water, huh?” 

“Of course not, Dominus. I am sure there will be a solution for this soon.”

The servant returns with a cup of water and Quintus huffs a humourless laugh. “A quick solution, you say? To fix this?” 

Quintus holds the cup in front of Octavius, letting him see the brown sludge. “Look at it. What colour does that look like to you?! And you?! Is it supposed to look like that?” He moves it to show it to the servant, who swallows hard as he looks down. Your husband extends it to Octavius again. “Drink it.” The man does not make any movements to take the cup, causing Quintus’ face to twist into rage. 

“Drink it!”

Octavius is about to reach out to obediently take a sip, but Quintus enragedly hurls it against the wall. You startle at the sound as the disgusting liquid drips onto the floor, the clay cup shattered beyond repair. 

As much as the outburst has made your heart drop in the most unpleasant sense of the word, you suddenly feel it skip a beat when Atticus walks in, unannounced, Gaius in tow. 

The cohorte addresses your husband, a smug air about him. “Quintus. My old friend.” 

He uncrosses his arms as the Praetor shoots him a glare, jaw tense and gaze hardened. The marshall uncrosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. 

“Oh, are you busy?” There is an edge of amusement, maybe even mockery in Atticus’ tone.

Quintus sharply inhales, hands clenched into fists. “Fix the water.” he spits at the poor man, whose flustered state has not left him ever since he stepped foot inside the room. “Fix the water, Octavius! If I see another drop of sewage in my water, I will personally drown you in it, so help me Apollo, Octavius,” he grabs the man’s chin roughly, not much unlike he does to you when he wants you to look him in the eye, “You will gargle sewage.”

As he pushes the worker’s face away, Atticus hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his chestplate. “Vivid… I think– I think he gets it.” He leans closer towards Octavius, who is even more embarrassed than before. “You got that, right? He’s gonna drown you in the… Well, you know.”

Octavius gulps. “I will find the breach, Dominus.”

“I will oversee the project, Praetor.” Gaius mingles.

With a raised brow, Gaius glares at the Primi. “You do that.” 

A beat of silence as Quintus turns back to the man kneeling in front of him. 

“Brown water make you deaf? Go. do it now! My pregnant wife needs clean sanitation.”

Octavius stands and rushes out, not even acknowledging anyone’s presence as he leaves. You sink back in your sofa, hoping Quintus will not instruct you out of the room.

“You can watch the talent leaving their bodies when they arrive from Rome. You can keep time by it.” Quintus bitterly quips, gesturing vaguely in the air.

“Good help.” Atticus comments. 

Your husband’s brow furrows. “It’s these people. This land… It’s going to force me to do something drastic.”

You feel your breath hitch, but it is not noticed by the three men in the room with you.

“Work?” Atticus asks him. 

The Praetor smirks a bit. “I’m capable of anything. Hail Caesar.” He salutes as the cohorte and Primi sit down in front of his desk before he takes a seat himself, folding his hands under his chin. “So… What do you want?”

Atticus inhales and looks at Gaius. As he turns, your gazes momentarily cross, and you cannot help but feel your face heat up, as if you’re not allowed to be seen looking at him. Gaius strangely tenses. 

“Yes, Praetor.” Gaius’ voice sounds strained, “Just beyond the western perimeter of the city, a camp has sprung up.”

Quintus dips his hand into a small bowl of olives, a frown on his face at the touch thereof. “So send them on their way.”

“They’re pilgrims, Dominus.” 

Your husband sniffs his fingers and pulls a strange expression, wiping his hands on a rag. The olives have likely been washed with that same sewage-water, effectively ruining them in the progress.

“Pilgrims to what?”

“To whom.” A brief silence. “Jesus of Nazareth.” 

Quintus exasperatedly rolls his eyes and tosses the rag as Gaius speaks the words.

“He delivered the Sermon on the Korazim Plateau–”

The Praetor raises an offended eyebrow. “Stop. He delivered it? You’re just telling me now?” He tilts his head slightly as he demands Gaius to elaborate further, but Atticus decides to intervene.

“And then He’s building a hut. And now He’s relieving Himself.” The cohorte absentmindedly picks at his nails with a small blade he has conjured from somewhere in his armour. “Quintus, neither Gaius nor myself have that many hours in the day.”

“Don’t speak for the men in my command.” Quintus retorts, adding a half-hearted, “Please.” Atticus shows his palms in defence. “This feels a little more significant than ‘relieving Himself.’ Gaius, what was said?”

Gaius blinks a few times, his entire form still tense. “It sounded like any other sermon, Dominus.” Both you and Atticus look at him a bit surprised at the answer. 

“Is that what you heard, Cohortes?”

Atticus turns to your husband. “Well, now, I haven’t heard that many. Uh, let’s see… Lengthy instructions about, what was it?” He looks at Gaius for feigned support, almost making the mistake of looking at you as well, “Something about animal hooves? Always read from right to left. Jewish stuff.”

You’re suddenly confused. Are both Gaius and Atticus defending Jesus’ Sermon in some way? Are they attempting to steer away Quintus’ attention from the actual contents of Jesus’ words?

“If it was so boring,” Quintus mutters, “Why didn’t they stay on the Plateau?” His eyes suddenly widen. “Did Jesus lead them here?”

Gaius shakes his head. “No, Dominus. No one knows where Jesus is, but many of His followers reside here in the city.”

Quintus looks at the fingers of his balled-up hand, a scowl on his face. “Was our former tax-collector there?”

“Matthew? Yes.”

For a second, your husband seems to think, before sighing. “Well, who cares anyway? Just get rid of them.”

Gaius’ brow furrows. “Dominus?”

“Pack them up!” Quintus says with a raised voice, leaning over his desk slightly, “Force them out! We are still Rome.” 

“Or…” Atticus suggests, “You could turn them into revenue.”

Leaning back in his chair, Quintus blinks rapidly. “How?” 

“Redraw the city boundary to encompass the squatters.”

Quintus hums. ‘They’re not currently on our census.”

“All the better for you.” Atticus counters, “They’re not paying taxes wherever they came from, which means other Praetors’–-”

“–-Ledgers are down, I get it.” 

Atticus grins, the sight of which makes your heart flutter inside of your chest. You’re not entirely sure what all of this means, but you absorb the information shared nevertheless. 

“The pilgrims have been peaceful to this point. I cannot say how they will respond to being taxed.” Gaius says.

Letting out one of his dangerously chipper giggles, Quintus smiles. “You better get some rest then, Gaius. My plan is to redraw the city lines and redraw them fast. We’re behind this month. Shhh…” He presses his index finger to his lips, causing Atticus to huff in amusement. 

“There he is. It is a good plan, Quintus.” Your husband chuckles at the praise of a man he considers a threat to his position regarding Rome, “But, as you carry it out, you may want to consider your future.”

His future. The idea of you soon not being at Quintus’ side anymore fills you with immense relief. You’ll be gone within a year from now. Hopefully.

“My future?” Quintus annoyedly queries. “Don’t be coy.”

“As you well know, the Empire is always concerned with order. The governors are under increasing pressure not to overuse force on the citizenry.”

Quintus thinks for a long moment. “Pressure from Caesar? Hail.” He lets out a long sigh. “Fine. Gaius, I need you to do your job without leaving marks.” He rolls his eyes, then looks at Atticus for approval, who simply smiles. 

“I will instruct the men, Dominus.” Gaius reassures, standing up before bowing slightly, then looking at you. “Lady (Y/n).”

You smile a bit, humming, catching onto the strange look lingering in Gaius’ eyes as they rest on you. He doesn’t give you long enough to fully process the expression, for he turns and exits the office. 

When Atticus doesn’t immediately get up whilst Quintus grabs a scroll on his desk that is long overdue to be read and answered, he glances at the marshall. 

“How about you, Cohortes? Will you be moving along soon?” Your husband attempts to appear smug, as if he is not intimidated by Atticus in the slightest. 

“Yeah, I will be heading to Jerusalem soon.” Your gut unpleasantly clenches, though you knew beforehand that it was only a matter of time before duty would call again. 

“Ah, delightful place.” Quintus muses whilst Atticus stands.

“I owe Pilate a visit.” your secret lover reveals. It wipes the smirk right off Quintus’ face, and you have to bite your tongue to not snort a laugh in amusement at how displeased the Praetor looks. 

“Wonderful.” 

Atticus hums and steps away. “In the meantime, try to keep this mess under control, Quintus.”

Your husband clenches his jaw. “I’m working on it.”

For a second, Atticus lingers. “I will be leaving next thing in the morning.” he says, “If you need me, just send someone to fetch me tonight near the east end of the city. I’ll come and find you as soon as I can.”

Although Quintus picks it up as business, you know these words were directed towards you. An invitation, no less, and you’re more than keen to take it with both hands. 

His eyes flicker to you, a soft smile on his features, before he slightly bows and leaves the room. You let out a long breath and try to compose yourself. 

“Can you believe that man?”

“Hm, what?”

“Atticus.” Quintus clarifies, “He thinks he is so much better than I am. He’s so cocky, too. I stand the guy.” He huffs and mutters an insult under his breath. Your first instinct is to tell him off, but realise right in time how suspicious it would be if you were to defend Atticus in front of your husband, especially under these circumstances.

You force a smile on your face. “Don’t let it get to you, Quin. It will be fine.”

Unconvinced, your husband sighs and opens the scroll on his desk. “We’ll have to see.”

The encounter leaves him, much to your delight, preoccupied with his own mind coupled with his work, and it allows you room to breathe without his constant scrutiny. The day itself, however, creeps by as the evening closes in, and your thoughts are nowhere but with Atticus, who you will definitely be meeting with later tonight. 

_ 

Quintus snores against your neck and you have to keep down an involuntary squirm of displeasure as you ease yourself from under the covers out of bed. 

Getting him intoxicated a second time in order to make him fall into a deep sleep so that he does not notice your absence is not your modus operandi this time around. To your advantage, though, the current exhaustion he is experiencing due to the circumstances around Capernaum has him out cold within minutes after his head hits the pillow.

You put your feet into your sandals and grab a cloak as you brush out of the estate, carrying a lantern in your hand. You’re getting rather proficient at slipping out unnoticed, you think to yourself, smiling a bit as  girlish excitement courses through your system. You feel like a teenager sneaking out of the house to meet her secret lover in the midst of night, and in some way, you are, other than that you’re well out of your teens.

You head for the quarter in the city Atticus had mentioned - the east end. The cohortes is inquisitive enough to find you, you are convinced, and so, you find yourself pressed against the wall in an abandoned alleyway, with only some rats scurrying about the barrels stinking of rotten fish to keep you company. For a moment, you are inclined to extinguish your lantern to prevent drawing attention, when a familiar posture catches your eye at the other end of the narrow passage. 

Atticus walks up to you and without saying a word, cradles your face into his hands, tilting up your chin to bring his mouth against yours. The kiss is sweet, yet some urgency lingers behind his lips. You slightly squirm against the tickling of his beard against your skin, and you smile into it. 

“You’ve really got to trim it a bit.”

“I thought you liked the beard on me.”

“I meant your hair.” you fondly state, reaching up to ease down the wild locks that have become frizzy under the hood of his cloak. 

Atticus grins. “For you, my lady, anything.” He takes your hand and kisses the back of it, giving you a meaningful look. “So… Now I finally have you to myself again. If only for a few minutes…”

Your cheeks turn red and you try to hide it, much to the investigator’s delight, and he softly hums at the sight. “Beautiful. Especially with that pregnancy glow on your face. My love, you always look stunning, but in this light, you look simply exquisite.” 

“Stop it.” you murmur with a smile playing over your lips, “Such a flatterer.”

“What can I say? I like to tease the woman I love by telling her all the things that are true about her.”

You give him a long, gentle gaze that glitters in the moonlight, and Atticus kisses your hand again, then your palm, then your wrist. With a brow that suddenly furrows, you search his face. 

“So, you’re leaving again, aren’t you?”

The Cohortes Urbanae hums and nods, his face growing solemn. “Yes.”

You sigh. “I understand.” you whisper. 

“I cannot say for how long I’ll be gone.” he adds, not keen to leave you with such uncertainty, “But I will come back for you. You know that, right?”

“I know you will.” you tell him. He smiles a bit and caresses your cheek. 

For a few beats of silence, you gaze at one another, and you wish the moment would last forever. The warmth of his being fills you with an intense love mustered towards him.

“Atticus…” you suddenly begin after pondering over something you’ve been turning over and over inside your mind ever since this afternoon, “Why did you defend Jesus’ Sermon?”

His brow lowers into thought. “Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it defence. The contents of the Sermon are of no importance to Quintus. What matters is how he’ll handle the situation.”

“And how do you wish him to respond to it?”

Atticus falls quiet for a second. “I hope he sees to it in orderly fashion, without spilling unnecessary, innocent blood.”

You hum. “So you’re convinced He’s innocent?”

“He hasn’t particularly said anything wrong, just… Out of the ordinary. I had half expected Him to eventually call for a revolt against Rome, but so far, He has been bringing a different message. As long as He doesn’t prove a threat to Rome, I believe He is allowed to stay. Once His message starts to take that turn of possible war, however…”

Gulping, you slide your fingers into his cloak. “You’re not going to arrest Him, are you? Or worse, kill Him?”

“Not without reason.” Atticus reassures you, “And so far, He hasn’t given me any reason to do so.”

You’re not completely convinced yet, but you let it slide for now. After all, it’s not your business to decide what Atticus does and does not carry out for the sake of Rome, nor do you have any personal intelligence regarding these issues. You trust he knows what he’s doing.

Atticus’ gaze contains something else. Something rather… Embarrassed. You open your mouth to ask about it, but it is as if he has been reading your mind, waiting for you to ask the very particular question that had been lingering on your tongue for a bit.

“The Primi knows about our affair.”

Your throat runs dry. 

“What? How?”

“He walked in on us the other day, together with another soldier.”

Blinking, you feel your face heat up. “You’ve… You’ve spoken to Gaius about this?”

“He knows we’ve been seeing one another for a while now. He is also aware that the child you carry is not fathered by Quintus.”

Your face is hot. This could cost you your family’s honour if it was found out. Not only you would be punished, but your parents and siblings as well.

“Aha. What does he think about us?”

“He respects us,” Atticus says matter-of-factly, “And understands why you’d rather be with me than with Quintus.”

“I’d rather be with a slug than with Quintus.”

Atticus chuckles. “I bet you would, my love.” His face falls into something more serious. “It means that he won’t be the one telling on us, but the same can’t be said about the other guard that witnessed our… Intimate moment. Gaius didn’t want to reveal whom he was on duty with at that time.”

You sharply inhale. “So there is a risk of–”

“Yes.” Atticus breathes. “If the soldier decides to talk, that is. Gaius explained that he told the other guard that he should know what is best for him and that this is not something he should meddle in, but we cannot look into said man’s thoughts and intentions. After all, envy is not uncommon amongst the Legion in any branch or position.” 

“I see.” you mutter, averting your gaze.

Atticus sighs. “You know what I think, (Y/n)?” he suddenly breathes, “I think something has been set in motion that cannot be reversed.”

“You mean within our affair, or the presence of Jesus of Nazareth?”

“Both.” Atticus admits. “I’ve… I have just spoken to the Zealot who changed his ways from one radical faith to another. There are loose ends to be tied up, but I cannot help but wonder…”

You inhale sharply. “So, you want to know more, too.”

Your lover slightly tilts his head. “Perhaps not for the same reasons as you, my dear, but yes. I would like to know more. I… I need you to do something for me whilst I’m in Jerusalem. Could you do that for me?”

“Depends on what it is.” Both you and Atticus are slightly taken aback by your hesitation. Under any other circumstance, you wouldn’t have doubted the request, but for some reason, you now cannot promise anything before you’ve heard his intentions.

You trust Atticus, right? Yes, you do. He told you he thinks Jesus has no ill intentions towards Rome… As of now.

“Anything you hear about Jesus,” the cohorte tells you, his voice suddenly shifting from affectionate into a professional one, and you’re not certain if you like the change, “Anything Quintus does in response to Him… Write about it to me. Give the letters to Gaius. He will send them to Jerusalem. I need to know everything there is to know, also the details from inside.” 

He seems to grow aware of the way his demeanour has changed in that split second, because his face softens upon realising the puzzled look in your eyes. “You, my love, have a unique insight in these matters, as well as an insider’s perspective on the Praetor’s behaviour. Not only are you valuable to me as a person, which you are first and foremost, but also within the work I do.”

You cannot help but smile a little, albeit a bit cynically. “I think no man has ever called me useful in business ever before other than my father when he signed my marriage contract.”

The sound Atticus lets out is void of humour. “Don’t think I haven’t forgotten about my promise to you, my love. I will get you out of here.”

“I didn’t doubt you for a second.” you breathe. “Yes, I’ll write to you about any news regarding Jesus of Nazareth.”

The corners of his eyes crinkle up as he smiles at you, and he gently cradles your chin. 

“You may write to me about other matters, too. Your hopes and dreams and about the development of our baby.” He rests his other hand right below your ribs. “About anything, really. It brings me such delight to read any word you write.”

You lean into his touch, showing him a shiver of a smile. “I’ll miss you.”

“And I will miss you, my precious Flower. Try to keep your head down. In my absence, I hope the heat regarding the rumour of our secret relationship will die down, especially with the other guard who saw us.”

“For how long will you be away?”

Atticus hums in thought. “I am not sure yet. A few weeks. Maybe a month. Work will eventually lead me back here, but I cannot promise anything yet.”

You nod, not thoroughly satisfied with the undisclosed amount of time he’ll be gone for, but at least you will have your correspondence over the post. 

“Will you write back to me?”

“I will make time to do so. I will send my letters to Gaius so that he can get them to you. After all, we have to prevent a certain individual from getting his greasy claws on them.” You appreciate that idea.

He rests his forehead to yours and you smile softly at one another. “I love you.” you tell him.

“I love you too.”

The chill of night refuses to creep under your skin when your lips meet, and the soft moment seems to last a lifetime. 

“Shall I escort you home?” Atticus asks upon pulling away. 

“Aren’t you afraid it would spark rumours?” 

He chuckles lightly. “So I’d have to let you walk home all by yourself?”

“I came here by myself too without being spotted, remember?” you murmur, “It’s not difficult if you’re invisible.”

Atticus strokes a thumb over your cheek. “You’d never be invisible to me,” he admits, and you know the words to be true. “No matter what would happen, I feel like nothing could drive my attention away from you.”

His eyes glitter with such intensity that doubting him would be impossible even if you tried. 

Once again, you press your mouth against his, your hearts beating as one, the thin line between hope and fear briefly fading under the glow of moon and stars. Chapter list Next chapter (TBA)

[sharingmystoriesetc]

Faber suae fortunae

Or Maider's love story towards freedom.

Chapter 2

-This is your room- said Claudia.

Maider glanced around the room. It was bigger than the one she had at the Ben-Hur household. After all, Tenax's house itself was much larger and much more luxurious, especially after the raids carried out in Jerusalem by the Romans.

-Thank you very much, Claudia. It's very beautiful.

-You're welcome. I'm also used to smaller spaces. We used to live in the Suburra, in a nice but modest house. A few months ago, Tenax moved into an old friend's house, this house. And I followed him.

-It's certainly a house worthy of the Aedile Ludi.

Claudia pressed her lips into a thin line.

-Yes. Different house, different Tenax.

Maider wanted to inquire further, but held back. Instead, she said:

-I don't know why he bought me. I was singing out of despair, chained and with a sign around my neck, when he offered three thousand sesterces and had me taken down from that stage.

She paused briefly, then continued:

-It seemed like a kind act. The first since the long journey to Rome. But... as much as I can read people, I don't know Tenax. I don't know what kind of man he is or what he wants to do with me.

Claudia was a tough woman. Loyal to her master, she didn't easily give away her feelings, certainly not to slaves she had just met an hour before.

But she had seen a glimmer in Tenax's eyes that had struck her. A peculiar way he behaved towards Maider, which had put her on alert. Something imperceptible, intangible; a change that only she, who had known him for many years, could detect.

Maider had kind of struck him.

-You know... a pomegranate?

Maider was puzzled.

-A... pomegranate?

-Yes, the fruit.

-No, I mean, I know what a pomegranate is, but what does it have to do with this?

-Tenax is like a pomegranate. Hard, ambitious, resolute, and harsh in his methods on the outside. Inside... well, who can say. I've known him for over ten years, and I've seen him open up to only a few people. But when he does, he is... extraordinarily human. A good man.

Maider raised her eyebrows.

-Harsh in his methods?

Claudia gave her a disappointed look.

-I mean, of all the things I've said, that's what stuck with you?

Maider shrugged.

-Being his slave? I'd say yes.

-He has never raised a hand against a woman, my dear, if that's what you want to know. He treats women with respect.

-Okay. That's good.

-Perfect. Now, how about helping me wash the clothes? Do you know how to wash clothes?

Maider nodded.

-I manage.

-So you don't know,- sighed Claudia -Follow me.

Maider rolled her eyes and followed her without saying anything else.

***

Tenax was moving the beads of the abacus with a focused demeanor.

His blue eyes were fixed on the device he used for calculations, but his mind, at the moment, was elsewhere.

The main question crossing his mind was: "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Yes, because let's be honest, buying a slave out of the blue, without any immediate benefit, was not at all like him. And this scared him.

To be honest, he had been feeling strange for a while.

Domitian was in power, and being his Aedile Ludi involved designing increasingly violent games, with a lot of bloodshed that was starting to bother him.

Yes, him. Tenax the king of Suburra. Tenax the emperor killer. Tenax the extortionist, the assassin, the thief.

Tenax had defended his fortune with his teeth. He had killed, sacrificed friends, and strangled enemies, yet... in Scorpus' large house, he found it particularly cold to lie down without someone beside him.

At first, he thought about calling prostitutes. Then he desisted: the pleasure would have been immediate and ephemeral.

He began suffering from insomnia, more than usual.

With questions piling up in his head, he wondered what to do with such power and so much money if he had no one to share it with.

He really cared about Scorpus, but he had seen the way he spent his money, and he had never liked it.

Damn, Tenax felt lonely. And he didn't want to die alone as his friend had.

Sure, he had his army of children, Cala and her daughters, but no one he could truly call "home".

At first, these thoughts made him angry. He had taken his dagger, and, in the night, striked empty blows, trying to kill the air.

He knew who they were meant for.

A part of himself that he had hidden for too long.

His weak side that often came out with the people he cared about: the children, Cala, Claudia.

There was only one person Tenax wanted to see dead.

And that person was Quintus.

Cala stood in front of him, waving a hand in front of his eyes.

-Hey, Tenax? Are you there?

He shook his head, coming back to himself.

-Always. Why?

-I saw you daydreaming. That's not like you, Aedile Ludi.

He gave her a half-smile.

-I was just thinking about the next games. And that includes keeping Kwame out of trouble.

Cala became serious.

-Then I won't disturb you.

She was about to left. Then she stopped.

-However, may I ask you a question?

-Go ahead.

-They say you bought an exotic singing slave this morning, at the Esquiline.

Tenax rolled his eyes.

-The boys should be more discreet. I should punish them for this.

-Leave the children alone. I thought it was because you heard that one of our lyre players died yesterday.

Tenax furrowed his brows.

-What? He died?

-Yes. People come here to bet but also to drink. It wouldn't hurt to provide a bit more... contemporary entertainment.

Tenax glanced at the lyre and flute players in a corner. Quite dull, indeed.

-Maybe you're right. Let's see what we can do.

-Thank you.

A moment of silence, Cala left to return to her duties.

-Ah, Cala?

-Yes?

-How are things with... Tyrone?

Cala blushed imperceptibly. She had met Tyrone in the stables of the Gold Faction. He was a good man of thirty-five, widowed, and strong builded. He and Cala had been seeing each other for some time.

-Very well, thank you.

He smiled at her. He went back to counting the beads of the abacus.

He took a deep breath.

"Go to hell, Quintus".

***

Hello! Eli here. Let me know in the comments if you liked the new chapter. Thank you sm ❤️

[dark-raven-666]

A fun day in Jerusalem

Reader and Baldwin are married, Guy is bullied, reader is gender-neutral

Warnings: none, all fun

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

It was another hot, boring day in Jerusalem, and you were walking in the garden of the palace, that is when you saw Sybilla sitting there, all alone. You went up to her to ask her what was the matter. "Hey Syb, are you ok? " you asked. "Yes I'm fine, just bored, I suppose" Sybilla responded to you.

You sat next to her, and stared at the ground, trying to come up with ideas on what to do to help your and Sybilla's boredom.

You two sat there for around 15 minutes in awkward silence. Out of nowhere Tiberias who was taking a walk in the garden appeared and asked you two the same question you had asked Sybilla earlier "just bored" you two responded.

Tiberias looked at you two in silence for a few seconds, then said "how about we go and see if Baldwin has anything for us to do".

You and Sybilla agreed, and so you went on to find the king of Jerusalem. Which brings us to this moment.

Laughter filled the room that you Sybilla, Tiberias and Baldwin were in. Sybilla was wearing Baldwin's blue clothes that he wears when he's outside of his palace. "Jesus Syb, you look like Guy, dressed like that" Tiberias said. In fact Sybilla's dark and long hair with the blue outfit did remind you of Guy.

Baldwin had come up with the idea that you dress up and act as different people and the rest have to guess who you are.

"Come on now Tiberias no need to be rude" you said letting out a chuckle.

"Yeah Tiberias NOBODY wants to look like Guy" Sybilla added trying her best to keep in her laugh and look offended.

Baldwin also let out a small giggle at his older sisters and your childish behavior.

"Hold on" you said getting up to grab your eye pencil, and drawing a little mustache and beard on Sybilla.

"God I can't even bear to look at you right now" you laughed "You know, she does look like Guy with the mustache and beard drawn on" Baldwin said finally deciding to join the conversation.

All of you started laughing while Sybilla pretended to be extremely hurt by this.

"Oh god! How can I live like this! I've been cursed!" Sybilla proclaimed loudly while dramatically falling to the ground and pretending to die.

This sent you all laughing again.

After a few seconds Sybilla got up and bowed her head in thanks, like actors do after they act out a play on stage.

Sybilla took a wet napkin and removed the face beard and mustache from her face, which after she ran back into the walk in closet and changed back into her own clothes.

"What now" asked Sybilla coming out of the closet.

"Hmm I don't know" you responded.

As if on que a knock was heard at the door. "Come in" Tiberias said after looking at the King and earning a small nod from him.

Speaking of the devil, it was Guy. "Your majesty the soldiers told me to ask on all of their behalf if they could go out of Jerusalem and into the desert to practice fighting, they have nothing else to do, since today seems to be quiet" he told the King.

"Alright half of the soldiers can go and practice but the rest have to stay, we do not know what may happen, I'll leave it to you to decide whom goes and whom doesn't" Baldwin said, sounding very kingly. Oh you could just melt at his beautiful voice.

Guy left with a "yes your majesty" and left you all in silence which Sybilla decided to break. "Yeah, I stand by my words it WOULD be a curse to look like that". You all laughed at this and kept on making jokes mostly ones that you Bully Guy in but who cares. " Alright it's starting to get late, I think we should go to bed" Baldwin said.

Looking out of the window you realized that you had passed the entire day, hanging out with your dear friends and husband.

"You're right my king" Tiberias said getting up from the comfortable arabian style cushions on the ground.

You helped Baldwin get up and said your good nights to Tiberias and Sybilla who were heading to their bedrooms to prepare for the night.

*Time skip*

After reaching your bedroom that you share with your husband and getting ready to bed you sat in bed for a moment with a smile the only light source coming from the candle on your bedside table and the moon that shone through the window.

"Is everything alright my dear" you heard from next to you. It was your beautiful husband Baldwin.

"Everything is perfect my love, I had so much fun today" you replied, your smile growing bigger.

"Me too" Baldwin said a smile finding its way into his face that was free from the mask for the night. The candle light shining on his face, made it look as if you were in a dream, he was just too beautiful.

"Goodnight my love" you whispered and kissed his temple, then turned and blew the candle.

"Goodnight my angel" he whispered back holding you close.

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

Hi bestie.

If you are taking requests, how about Baldwin x reader where reader is all touchy and lovey dovey with him. Like always hugging him , spending time with him, caring about him , trying hard to make him laugh etc. (but they aren’t partners yet since he thinks he is a leper and all but still deals with reader being all touchy even tho sometimes she hugs him too tight from the excitement of seeing him it hurts) reader won’t speak about her own feelings out loud either but one time while she was hugging the king gives him a very shy small tiny peck on the bandaged neck 👉🏻👈🏻🥺 then leaves. Later on a wealthy fine looking knight/prince whatever asks for her hand in marriage and her parents approve as well. He goes to congratulate her but she starts crying telling Baldwin how cruel he is for he never notices her feelings and how she only cares about him not because he is her king but because of what a gentle soul he has and how every time she sees her she falls in love with his eyes and how brave he is despite all the suffering he does his best for the kingdom and she doesn’t even want the privilege of being the queen.

Maybe some happy ending ?! Like while in ceremony the priest asks her to say yes to the prince/knight she glances at Baldwin one last time he even nods for her to say yes but she suddenly decides to run for Baldwin and say no !? Maybe this softens Baldwin’s heart and decides to take her finally!?

Sorry if this is too long and dramatic.

Btw some flowers for the bestie cause she is an amazing writer💐💐💐

♧ Take Me, All Of Me - King Baldwin x Reader ♧

♧ Angst ♧

A/N: Hello Anon! I just want to apologize for how long its taken to get to your request. Thank you so much for your kind words also🫶. I hope it's what you had in mind! As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figures. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy, General Angst

Lady y/n was never shy about her love for Baldwin.

She and the young king had been friends since they were children. Being the daughter of Baldwin III's most trusted friend meant that she and her family spent many hours in the palace of Jerusalem, during which time she had become well acquainted with his son, Baldwin IV. 

The two had always liked each other as more than just “friends”, but after Baldwin's diagnosis, everybody including him, thought against the idea of the young prince ever being wed to anyone. 

Everybody of course, except y/n. Despite everything, she loved him. A lot. Even if that love could be a bit too much for him at times. 

Y/n often embraced the young king, her hugs were warm and firm. The type of hug that made him feel as if everything was right with the world.

Oh how he longed to embrace her in return and stay there for eternity. But alas, he hid his feelings deep inside himself. He believed it was better that way.

Sometimes she hugged him too tightly, causing his midsection to ache. Y/n would apologize profusely but each time he insisted it was alright.

Baldwin hated how frail he was more than anything. He wanted to be hugged and squeezed, shown love and affection but it was just not possible without a surge of pain raging through his torso.

They spent a lot of time together, whether it be working, talking, playing chess, sitting in the courtyard, or just visiting different cities, they were always together.

Baldwin was the calmer of the two. He always had been. But that didn't mean he didn't love her excitement. She always found a way to make him laugh, even in the darkest moments of his life.

Y/n never spoke of her feelings for him, but they were obvious. Especially when she would press a tiny kiss to his bandaged neck, just before pulling away from an embrace.

Their relationship continued on like this for years until one day, a strong, young knight asked for her hand in marriage.

With her parents' approval, the young couple were soon to be wed. Y/n was distraught. She didn't leave her chambers all day and when Baldwin came to congratulate her, he found the young lady sobbing with distress.

“Y/n! What's wrong?” he asked with worry and terror in his voice for fear that something may have happened.

Upon noticing his presence, y/n stood with anger and pain in her heart.

“How dare you come here” she shouted.

“How could you be so cruel? I have loved you for years Baldwin but you have done nothing but ignore me. Ignore my affection and love”

The young king was confused but still felt horrible.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry I-”

“Save it Baldwin, I have loved you since the day I met you. I love you not for your title or your power. I love you for your gentle soul, your wise words. You're the bravest, strongest man I know. I can't believe you think yourself unlovable because of some damn disease. But it's too late now, I will be wed. And you have missed your chance”.

Y/n stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her, leaving Baldwin stunned and hurt.

How could he have been so careless? Looking back on everything, her feelings were more than friendly.

They were feelings of love.

----------------------

The day of the wedding came fast and y/n had refused to speak with Baldwin for weeks. She even refused to read the letters he sent her and ignored him at every chance she got.

And yet, Baldwin was more distraught than she was. He wanted her more than anything, and she believed he didn't.

His heart had been hard and refused the idea of a wedding for so long that he had completely ignored her. He would have done anything for one of her hugs, even if it hurt him.

Seeing her stand on the altar, hand in hand with her future husband caused Baldwin more agony than anything ever had. It was a kind of pain he had never felt.

Sharp and bitter. Tears stung in his eyes as he held back a broken sob.

For the first time in weeks, y/n looked over to Baldwin one last time, seeing his eyes pleading and filled with tears.

Finally, just as the final vows were about to be said, y/n simply couldn't take it any longer. With one last glance at the knight, she dropped his hands and ran to Baldwin, pushing past people as she went until she found his arms.

The young king welcomed her like a breath of fresh air, and this time as she embraced him tightly, he embraced her back even tighter.

They melted into eachothers arms and in that moment, Baldwin swore that he would never let go again.

[edmundhoward]

soo ... about that seymour adaptation...

edward seymour

i adore his whole ‘prodigal son’ vibe; norton repeatedly calls him “the star of the seymour family”. scard recounts his position as the second son as: “the eldest surviving son, john, may have lived until he was about 20 but he appears to have been overshadowed from an early age by his brother edward”. because edward does have a good start to his career, in some ways paralleling anne boleyn: he is selected to be a page of honour to the king’s sister, mary, when he was about fourteen years old. he therefore spent time in france, with scard pointing out that edward was a part of “one of the grandest households in europe”, before being the first recorded seymour to study at oxford.

i think his treatment of his first wife and their children is probably less to do with any kind of quasi-incestuous, patrilineal affair between katherine and his father (although, i am not opposed to that being included in an adaptation — with the stipulation that her youth and john’s position of authority over her be sufficiently acknowledged; i really enjoy the dissonance of two teenagers playing at adulthood, playing house while edward’s father accommodated them) and more to do with a ruthless willingness to take advantage of the system for his own benefit. he would similarly meddle “very craftily” (according to cromwell and audley) and “aggressive[ly]” (according to scard) over land ownership. he was ruthlessly opportunistic, “adept at trying to manipulate legal loopholes for his own benefit”; he would later attempt the same with katherine parr (frustrating her so much that she ranted to his brother that she would have bitten him). one contemporary professed “it is hard trusting to his courtesy, for he hath small conscience”.

likewise, he also aggravated the howards, through being of lower birth and newer money. i do not care for whether or not it is factually accurate, i very much intend to have henry howard, who hated edward, punch him in the face. (also iirc, edward later struck gardiner in the face. fabulous.) i would very much want to keep that element as a throughline in an adaptation; this monstrous class system, with it's horrific wealth divides, and the absurdity of old versus new money — especially given edward’s later complicity in the desperately punitive vagrancy act. the aristocracy of england is monstrous, and the howards and seymour exemplify different facets of it’s monstrosity: the ancient, old feudal monopoly of lands and resources (and that sense of innate superiority to others), and the ruthless drive to bleed resources dry in a constant pursuit of more. i have no interest in shying away from that; the sumptuousness of edward's career was paid for with the toil of the commons. somerset house, the grand and beautiful renaissance residence he built, was built at the same time and nor far from the religious houses edward tore down for building materials: st john of jerusalem (smithfield), was “undermined and overthrown with gunpowder” for it’s stone, st paul’s cloister and charnel house was partially demolished for rubble, the bones of those laid to rest there dumped in finsbury. he was granted and spent thousands on syon abbey. plundering of religious buildings and desecration of human remains was inexorably tied to the wealth and prestige of edward seymour’s (and the howards) career; “if the seymours had drunk innocent blood, then the howards had allowed them to do so” (childs). (“and thus behold my kind, how that we differ far; [...] i can devour no yielding prey, you kill where you subdue. my kind is to desire the honour of the field, and you, with blood to slake your thirst of such as to you yield. [...] and if to light on you my hap so good shall be / i shall be glad to feed on that that would have fed on me.”)

i think his marriage to anne stanhope, would be fabulous as a relationship dynamic. it seems like a successful marriage; the pair are active at court and are, certainly, the centre of the seymour faction at court, in the 1530s. it is the pair who facilitate jane seymour’s courtship with henry viii, for example. under edward vi they occupy the awkward position of functional royalty, with no real claim to it (yet, who is to say they are autocratic power-grabbers when assuming they have no legitimate claim to that power and wealth assumes it is possible to ever have a legitimate claim to that level of power and wealth). they had several children and through his disinheriting his children by katherine filliol, he sought to protect his family with anne, with the same ruthlessness we should come to expect from him.

good wolf imagery with anne stanhope's family emblem being a wolf. thumbs up.

his successful career as a military man, despite his inflexible, abrasive attitude makes me think that his otherwise promising career was handicapped by flaws in his personality rather than his skillset. van der delft recorded that edward was “looked down upon by everybody as a dry, sour, opinionated man”. i feel like he fundamentally failed to co-operate at court, amongst those more attuned to courtly love tropes etc., arguably in-keeping with the idea of the seymours being less chivalrous/romantic, and more practically minded, a la edward’s sisters being educated in bastard script.

(also arguably a foil to anne boleyn in that idea of two up-and-coming, humanist leaning, reformist courtiers (with slightly controversial betrothal/marriage histories prior to court) whose talent is undermined by their arguably ‘unpalatable’ personalities and their overreaching ambition... could be fun to play on that as edward undermines anne in 1536, especially when he has to carry her motherless (made motherless by his actions) daughter for his nephew’s baptism, and ultimately they wind up buried together.)

tbh the way i envisage edward is summed up nicely by this quote from tudor times: “it may be that his talents fitted him to be a second-in-command, but that the very attention to detail that had made him a successful commander in the field, made him unsuited to the strategic vision and ability to delegate and consult that mark out the true leader. consequently, he became defensive, unwilling to take advice, and quick to take offence”.

primary sources: margaret scard, tudor king in all but name: the life of edward seymour; stephen alford, kingship and politics in the reign of edward vi; diarmaid macculloch, tudor church militant: edward vi and the protestant reformation

henry seymour

kind of obsessed with second sons, the embodiment of ‘the spare’ (henry was born around the same time as henry viii ascended to the throne, so he’s named after another spare).

he entered royal service in 1526, so a few years ahead of jane seymour probably going to court — which is also interesting considering they both joined catherine of aragon's household. i actually would like their relationship explored more — jane’s will bequeathed him “several valuable chains”, and he named his daughter after her.

i actually have zero interest in the idea that henry was the ‘good’ brother… he was clearly very much part of the seymour ‘faction’ of the 1530s — he was willing to pick at the carcass of anne boleyn’s household, as he took mark smeaton’s position after anne boleyn’s fall. likewise, jane rewarded him with several offices and entrusted him with administering her estates as queen. so, whilst he may not have been as ambitious as his brothers, he was clearly an active part of the seymour family’s ambitions, and was adaptive and willing to reap his spoils at court.

in spite of norton describing him as “content to remain in the country”, a man who “never sought the glittering careers of his siblings”, he was at court for a significant time, occupying significant positions. he ultimately did not seek, or at least did not achieve (as we don’t know enough about him to conclude he did not want them) the kind of promotions his brothers achieved, but i don’t honestly think his career was distinctly less ‘glittering’ than thomas’ or his father’s…

and his court career otherwise argues for him to be of more significance than he gets recognised for. the idea that henry “remained in the shadows” (scard) is rather difficult to reconcile with someone who held onto such a ridiculously expensive and coveted position such as queen’s carver under multiple queens. given the prominence of strict hierarchy in carving and serving food, henry would surely have been well-versed in the court dynamics, the politics of meat (to steal the phrase).

his responsibilities and seeming skill as carver also lend itself to imagery of hunting and butchery that goes so well with wolf hall and savernake forest. henry would have been skilled at carving and dismembering animal carcasses for the queen — which would be potent imagery to play with considering the seymour rise (like a phoenix) out of the ashes of anne boleyn, an old, dead bird (falcon); more bluntly with the imagery of carving and meat and picking at the remains of anne boleyn's carcass....

(fabulous wolf imagery continues with him marrying barbara wolfe.)

i think it’s interesting that of all john’s sons, henry’s seems to follow his most closely. he has a decent career at court, and clearly enjoys favour (being made knight of the bath & receiving royal grants of land under edward vi) with some military positions, but never seems to establish himself as a major personality. he ultimately establishes himself more locally, elected the mp for hampshire, and serving as high sheriff of hampshire between 1568-69.

as for family motivations, he may well have been close to his family as he was the sole executor of his mother's will. but when edward seymour asked him to send troops for support, henry supposedly ignored him and did not reply. he also did well under john dudley's administration, showing the same ability to reap the spoils of someone's fall as he did during anne's fall, only this time it was his own brothers.

it must also have been a challenging time for him in the 1560s-1570s; he was with his mother when she died, and had (at this point) lost his father, jane, thomas, edward, and three other siblings. it seems like he had lost a few children of his own at this point, too. his niece, mary seymour, quietly disappears from the record, and probably dies young, removed from her seymour family. he is presumed to be the last seymour child of this generation to die.

therefore, henry seymour (alongside sisters dorothy and elizabeth) becomes witness to the decline of the seymour family that he knew — the family would remain prominent (edward’s children, for example, retained careers and significance at court) — but in many respects the seymour ‘faction’ was obsolete at this point, and because he was at court, i feel like his perspective of this decline is the most significant: he would have seen the highest highs, in ways his sisters would not have.

primary sources: david loades, the seymours of wolf hall; elizabeth norton, jane seymour: henry viii’s true love

thomas seymour

🐀

firstly, i think it’s profoundly significant that thomas seymour would have been at wolf hall when katherine filliol came into his father’s house. he and katherine were around the same age. he would have been about eleven when katherine gave birth to her baby, john, in 1518. i think it’s really worth remembering that thomas seymour may well have witnessed his father groom his teenage ward. the set up for thomas’ relationship with lady elizabeth is there from the beginning.

his first position, under francis bryan, can be dated to the mid 1520s — so there seems to have been a mass exodus of seymour children from the family home to court (as henry and jane also come to court around this time), and in more than one case, probably in connection to francis bryan. which i think makes for fun potential, considering the dormer’s allegedly not wanting to associate with the seymour's on account of scandal, which has been attributed to the vicar of hell’s reputation.

in an adaptation, he’s a fabulous foil to edward: he seems to have been considerably less able, his career far more being credited to the successes of his immediate relatives, his blood carrying him further than any innate talent. throckmorton’s decription of him — “hardy, wise and liberal […] fierce in courage, courtly in fashion, in personage stately, in voice magnificent, but somewhat empty of matter” — creates this fun parallel of thomas having the charisma that edward lacked, but none of his ability; as elizabeth described him, thomas was “a man of much wit, but very little judgement”, or, according to nicholas throckmorton, “somewhat empty of matter”. norton likewise describes him as: “he was not a man of half measures. he entered into everything with gusto and determination, but not always skill or foresight.”

and there is something poignantly frustrating about how impotent and insignificant thomas seymour is, as the youngest seymour son (even if henry arguably had a less distinctive career, it seems considerably more stable, and he was with their mother when she died). his personality was praised, he seems to be popular with members of court, but he seems to fail to achieve much off of that in his own right. his first known role was in the service of his kinsman, described as “servant to sir francis bryan”, so a minor role at court and likely a family affair. he was made a gentleman of the privy chamber in october 1536, almost certainly on account of his sister's marriage to the king, and had the honour of being one of the gentlement who held the canopy over baby prince edward’s canopy at his christening in 1537, and knighted at the same ceremony that saw edward made earl of hertford. numerous grants of lands and titles probably can be attributed to his (and his family’s) friendship with thomas cromwell — “these two are more likely to have come via cromwell's mediation rather than that of the queen”. whilst edward was inducted into the order of the garter in 1541, thomas took longer to get there, despite being nominated every year from 1543 to the year of his eventual induction: 1547.

so there is this strong set up for a resentment and jealousy, not specific to edward, but to this general sense of resistance to his own juvenile status. which is, to some extent, an inevitability within a system that relies of primogeniture: he is the third surviving son, after all. he has no claim to a solid inheritance. but it also smacks of entitlement when you remember how privileged he was, and how many rewards he enjoyed on behalf of his family. we can’t identify these thoughts or feelings in the historical man, and assuming them of him would be an anachronism, but i think it would be interesting to explore in an adaptation.

still, i think he could be interesting as a man desperate to assert himself: loades speculates that presumably thomas was a gentleman volunteer on the king’s ships for some considerable time before his being made captain of the sweepstake in 1537, as such a position would demand experience of which no evidence survives. i do enjoy the idea of this, and would like to carry it through into an adaptation - of thomas throwing himself at opportunities to try and make his mark. clearly, he otherwise must have proved himself, since he did receive rewards in 1532 - his first grant, forester of enfield chase, which he likely did not obtain through his brother or bryan, and certainly not his sister jane. so, it would not be unreasonable that thomas was capable of progressing his career on his own merit. but, i think there’s something significant in the fact that most of his ‘achievements’ were granted by virtue of his blood rather than any personal achievement, both as an indication of how parasitic the court world of tudor nobility was, but also as characterisation of a man who had a lifelong relationship with doing the utmost to climb to the top of said parasitic ladder. thomas was a monster a monstrous system created.

so he's tossed about in marriage negotiations with mary howard, up until around 1540, which he seems enthusiastic about (irrespective of the fact that mary very much is not), and these two families that do not like each other are forcibly trying to force themselves to be tied to each other, all in the name of the prestige of being a little closer to the royal circle.

on that note, it would be interesting to adapt his time as ambassador to the king of hungary in 1542, where he travels to nuremberg with charles howard, both brothers to late queens of england (katherine howard, and jane seymour), especially after thomas seymour was the one to confiscate the queen’s jewels from katherine. fun foreshadowing for the later drama between his wife (katherine parr) and anne stanhope, as well as a play on the timeline of his relationship with katherine parr, as their courtship is interrupted by henry viii’s marrying katherine, in an ironic repetition of recent history as the same seems to have taken place between katherine howard and thomas culpeper.

by 1543, he has met katherine parr, and she later claims that she would have married thomas after latimer died, but it's not known what thomas felt about her. perhaps controversially? i do think he had feelings for her: she was an attractive, resolved and intelligent woman. norton points out that they shared a common interest in religious reform, and arguably one can see a compatibility between them, considering parr’s noted love of finery. and moreso in an adaptation, if we characterise thomas as ambitious and trying to accumulate more wealth, power and prestige for himself, i don’t think parr was enough of a notably, wealthy widow to be that attractive to him without some kind of personal incentive. and i am not interested in characterising thomas (or any of these people) as fundamentally incapable of love.

and i do think thomas, with that constant, entitled sense of juvenile inadequacy, raging against the patriarchal, primogeniture system, while still determined to co-operate within it, and seemingly only able to cope with it if he is able to be at the top of the pecking order he feels he is oppressed by... being in a competition over a woman with henry viii, himself an aberration against the ideal of masculinity (old, obese, his virility thoroughly undermined in both his ability to father sons and his being cuckolded). well, i adore exploring toxic masculinity with sensitivity, but also, it’s fascinating and very funny. it completely exposes the ridiculousness of these systems and structures.

it’s the same with his relationship with edward vi: whilst i don't doubt he may well have felt genuine affection for his nephew (and i did like how the brothers saw edward, in part, as an extension of their dead sister in becoming elizabeth — and i am shamelessly stealing that idea), edward vi is also the embodiment of peak masculinity whilst inherently an inversion of it by virtue of his age.

primary sources: david loades, the seymours of wolf hall; elizabeth norton, catherine parr; elizabeth norton, the temptation of princess elizabeth; stephen alford, kingship and politics in the reign of edward vi

[arioloyal]

Sepandarmazgan

(King baldwin iv x reader part 5)

Warning: none!

How it feels to rest

On your patient lips

To eternal bliss

I'm so glad to know

Today, before sunrise, after the king's suggestion, y/n and baldwin iv left the palace without informing anyone. The hooves of their horses raised dust on the way. They passed everywhere , enjoying the clean air and the absolute silence of the dawn. The crows began to crow and the clothes spread on the ropes in front of the village houses danced and waved in the wind.

Then Baldwin pulled on his horse's reins with one hand and pointed to an oak tree on a hill far away. After getting there, y/n spread the long cloth that was with her under the tree and both of them sat and looked at the sky that was slowly turning to light red and orange.

The sound of adhan came from far away. lady y/n said under her breath: "When I arrived in Jerusalem, I saw this tree on my way first and I sat here. I met someone who said that your sermons can take all the sadness out of any heart, and you know how much I I am a curious person."

Baldwin IV did not respond. He stood there motionless as if he had traveled to another world. His eyes were looking far away. Meanwhile, y/n picked up a large bowl and walked over to the river to fill it with water. she returned and placed a bowl of water and some dates and walnuts in front of him.

:" I was there that day and witnessed all the events.I saw how some templars looked at you. Willingly or unwillingly, you ignite the fire of anger in them. I have no longer the power and ability to suppress them. I don't even like to predict what calamities can befall you. Then I can no longer protect you."

:" I am not an enemy to anyone, I am against the conspiratorial nature of some of them. The world is always full of sinners who wear holiness clothes. Jerusalem is the land of conscience. Sometimes, order, law and words are not enough. The only thing that always It's worth it, it's only love. The love of God . I came here to ask for forgiveness, but I had no idea that I was going to be the king's companion."

"I wish one day I could experience the love like you..."

Lady y/n turned her head, probably so he wouldn't see her laughing. :" If God wills, you will definitely reach it. The place where words lose their meaning."

He took a deep and heavy breath, in this world, they were the only ones who could drive each other crazy out of excitement. Whenever Y/n was with him, she felt like a young girl who was ready to learn new things at any moment, she had the feeling of a caring mother, and she was like a lotus flower that was ready to bloom. She would flourish, she would become a woman.

:"You say that if God wills it for me, I will reach it. What exactly do you mean by that? Does it mean that it is in my destiny?"

Lady y/n nodded and said, "Yes, that counts as well. But we shouldn't have false beliefs about fate. I can't say what fate is, but I can say what it isn't. destiny doesn't mean that the path of our life is predetermined. That a person after every tragedy says, "there is nothing more i can do!This was my destiny" is a sign of ignorance. Destiny is only at the crossroads. It is up to man to choose the path.

In fact, we are neither in control of our lives nor condemned to it.

He moved a little closer to y/n and adjusted the white scarf on her head and tucked her black hair behind her ear. he was close enough that y/n could smell him. The smell of wood, amber and rained soil...

:" I brought you here to ask you an important question. away from everyone. After these events, I have become more determined to protect you at any cost. Now it's your turn to choose between this dilemma. .."

:"Dilemma...?"

:" I saw you as a person who loves not only beauty but also ugliness. I trusted you in any situation because I knew you deserve it. You will one day become a great person in this land. But I'm not here for too long. I will not be there to see that day."

He held her hand, it was pleasantly warm.

:" Jerusalem and I need you and we are fascinated by you in all the way... are you willing to stay here?"

:"Yes, my lord if you wish...!"

:" No hear it all before you answer...

would you marry me?

Lady y/n felt like the blood froze in all her veins for a moment. The world stopped moving. her happiness, like the life of her king, was short. For a moment, she imagined the farewell . that day. which would destroy heart. But she was glad that she could at least have him from now on.

she came here in search of divine love. But at this moment, she was blessed with divine and material love at the same time...

[To be continued]...

[a-zira-fell]

This post is a Work in Progress and will be edited.

The Second Coming

Jesus comes back in a Judgement Day kinda situation - some Good Omens thoughts

(Footnotes under readmore) (1)

1. Who is Jesus?

At the time of the setting of Season 3 (2026?), he should be in his mid thirties (2)

A carpenter? It seems in keeping with the humour and charme of GO that he may well be a carpenter

I don't care about Jesus's gender at all. Might be a guy, might be a girl, might be neither or both, but what i know for sure is that Jesus has to be queer (3)

2. His Parents

Son of a Carpenter and the 'Virgin Mary'

maybe their names are Joseph and Mary maybe not

Young couple just got pregnant (Jane the Virgin type situation?), decide to keep it, one time there was a weird posh guy who told her she would bear the Second Coming of the Son of God and she replied "I don't even want an abortion, man" and forgot about it (4)

Punk adjacent working class parents in the 90s

Atheist-raised Christ?

3. Jesus had a hell of a weird childhood

Sparks of divine energy at random times, often emotionally triggered

Brought objects to life and revived dead pets for friends

4. Good Omens tie-in

The events of GO 1 may have triggered something in him (5) and since then miracles happen more and more frequently and he's learning to control them

He finds himself speaking truths he can't quite wrap his own head around

There are still bursts that are linked to emotions, so sometimes it's not as easy to hide. With social media and all

It has attracted people to him, some of whon may see in him the Second Coming of Christ. It's true, he knows, but it feels like a dark secret because there is so much he doesn't understand

It's like a cult that he's barely a part of, yet he is the leader

5. His Environment

He's got this close circle of friends but twelve is a lot by those standards and it's mostly just hanging out with some of them at one time

There are few occasions with all of them present but it's always a good time.

Jesus doesn't have a favourite. He has some friends that are closer but everyone contributes to the group.

He still feels set apart from them all except:

6. Judas

is the boyfriend

Absolutely devoted to Jesus but also a natural born helper who puts the cause first and manages the budget of the group as organisers of protests or booths at pride

Crowley finds he is easy to tempt to do many things, but his resolve to protect Jesus is unwavering, temptations that involve Jesus in any way don't catch on Judas (6)

Jesus relies on Judas a lot. He's torn between his fate, this whole unknown side to the world, and Judas, his foot in the real world. His rock in the stormy sea.

7. Miscellaneous

Jesus has for sure taken apart a queerphobic booth next to a church once, at the far side of a Pride Event

He was drunk one summer night and came by a plum tree in someone's yard, plums not ripe just yet. He cussed it out half jokingly, forgetting about magic bursts. Then next day the tree is completely shrivelled up

Got thoughts about Jesus? 💌 (69)

(1) yeah, it's that kind of post

(4) is there one christ per generation? That never goes off bc it's never the time. Like a switch needs to be switched to activate the sleeper agent Christ within. (All humans are made the same. Anyone could be christ.

(2) to my knowledge (adequate) Christ's birth is placed ca 4-7 BC, making him 34-37 in 30 or even 37-40 in 33 ad where his main work that we usually know him from (not the carpentry) took place.

(3) I'll refer to Jesus as he in this post bc that's easier

- is there one woodworker's kid per generation, across the globe that is just Soooooooooo fucking weird?

- does Gabriel visit one mother per generation and activate a Jesus Gene or ...

(5) or was the book of life used to activate that?

(6) I am a firm believer in 'Judas tried to deescalate the situation in Jerusalem before Jesus could come to any harm by choosing the lesser of all evils, which to him seemed to be having Jesus arrested and locked up for the duration of Pesach.' This plan however, spectacularly backfired. He unknowingly sent humanity's God-approved sacrificial lamb exactly where it could be most effectively used. Poor sod. He was just in love and unaware of the power of a mimetic crisis.

---

(69) This is the last footnote. Please step into my inbox 💌 with opinions and ideas. As I update this post, I will tag to credit ideas that weren't mine.