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roseykat · 11 months

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TITLE: Venom Biter

PAIRING: Minho x reader

SUMMARY: The end of a relationship between you and Minho turns as sour as it could ever get. A lovers to enemies trope.

WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won't be able to regulate every single interaction with those posts so please do not engage with my work or page whatsoever.

TAGS: breakups, hate sex, post-breakup sex, unprotected sex, swearing, angst, manhandling, push and shove, spitting, choking, oral sex (f!reader receiving), angst, strong hints of degradation, use of degrading names such as 'slut' and 'whore'.

A/N: this was originally meant to be for one of the days I had planned for Kinktober but I was up to my neck in work and I didn't want to post something sort of half-assed so I had to hone down on most of the work for this piece.

MASTERLIST

“Broke up?” Chan’s eyes refuse to blink. “You two broke up!?”

His confused filled stare shoots for the direction of his best friend, Minho, who quietly sits opposite him across the table. He looks slightly withdrawn or…off colour. It can’t have been the gruelling two hour lecture they finished before heading out to lunch. If it were that, Minho would be complaining his head off saying how boring it was or cursing himself for not changing his minor earlier.

He’s just not his usual self. In other social settings, he could talk until the cows came home. But the entire hour that they’ve spent together at lunch, Chan has been doing all the conversing and only receiving vague one-word answers. It wasn’t until he asked what was up with Minho that his friend dished out the news that he and his girlfriend - you, had split up.

“Why?” Chan proceeds, still swimming in shock.

A sigh leaves Minho’s mouth. He truly doesn’t feel like revisiting this subject. When he even thinks about the answer, all he can recall is the firey shouting match you both had the day things crumbled.

“It’s messy,” he replies with a cloudy and ambiguous answer.

“If you talk about it, then it might help you make sense of it all.”

He groans this time, “I really, really don’t want to do that. What’s done is done.”

“Done?” Chan questions, still not letting up on an interrogation. “You were in a relationship with Y/N, for years. You guys talked about a whole future together. That’s not something you just sweep under the rug and forget about.”

If there’s one thing he almost did forget about, it’s that you were friends with him - not just Chan, but the seven others as well. After all, it was Minho who introduced you to those select people whom he calls his brothers. They would’ve found out eventually if Minho refrained from telling them who you were dating all those years ago.

Though naturally, you became very close with them.

“We’ve both chosen to do that so there’s nothing really much left to dispute.”

Chan’s eyebrows furrow, realising he left out a crucial question to the situation, “why did you guys break up in the first place?”

Minho feels like he’s going to run out of sighs, “she doesn’t love me anymore and I don’t love her anymore. That’s literally all there is to it.”

“You’re telling me you both fell out of love - at the same time,” Chan responds, still having a difficult time trying to comprehend his friend's situation.

“Pretty much,” Minho confirms with a nod.

Chan finds that extremely hard to believe from his friend - the very person who would enter a different realm whenever he was in a five centimetre radius of you. His eyes would glaze over as if he were possessed; always fixated on you, he’d smile more than he usually would, and was comfortable in the space around you.

There had to be another reason, surely.

But it had almost been three weeks since Chan dissected the news out of Minho, and it was almost like pulling teeth trying to dive for the details. Each attempt was as fruitless as the next and in the end, Chan just plucked the same answers.

Regardless, it seemed to play out better than expected. Minho saved himself from having to dish out explanations as to why you wouldn’t be around anymore. As a result, telling Chan was the best option and since the others didn’t know, Minho was okay with him telling them so that he didn’t have to.

In saying that, Minho left out very central details of what happened leading up to the breakup. He never mentioned the constant fighting, the lying, the false accusations, the shouting matches, up until the point where you were both swimming in the toxicity the pair of you created.

He also absconded from the fact to Chan that not only did you both separate, but you’ve also both come to view the other differently and not through a good lens. Minho shouted it in your face the other day to which you did the same; “I hate you.” And that was that.

But his friends probably didn’t need to know all of that.

Since that day, you’ve been in the process of trying to find an apartment for yourself which isn’t easy. You want to remain in town and not too far out so that you don’t have a long commute to work, and at the same time, you don't want to break the bank trying to find a nice place to rent in the city. All in all, it was tough, but you were ready to just leave.

Having packed up the majority of your stuff in boxes, all you had to do was wait for landlords to contact you back about possible vacant apartments. Thankfully Minho was lenient in allowing you to stay until you found a place.

You slept in the spare room, mainly keeping to yourself and the boxes of things surrounding the space. Occasionally you would have to lock yourself in there and throw on some noise-cancelling headphones whenever Minho brought around another woman to sleep with.

It was his house, you knew that and now that you have no ties to him and he’s letting you stay, it was never your place to question his actions.

Still, that could never lessen the hurt. It was painful which is why you hated him so much. You don’t know how a person could move on so quickly after so many years of being told how much you’re loved. It was like he never meant it. With that being said, when you eventually managed to find a decent place, you were free from Minho.

All of your items were ready to be moved out, taking a couple of days to actually get them to your new place. In the tiring process, you also had to factor in your work schedule which meant it would take longer to continue moving your stuff. Nonetheless, you had the majority of your boxes out of Minho's house with only a few remaining that you needed to swing by and pick up.

"Something wrong?" he wears a blank look on his face when you arrive on the doorstep to his house.

"Some of my stuff is still here, can I come in to grab it please?" You ask politely. He gives a silent answer in return by opening his door wider for you to walk in before he goes back to whatever it was he was doing.

You make your way into the spare room where the last of your things remain, but there is one odd detail you notice as you approach the items. What was supposed to be taped down lids to the boxes had in fact been opened; not in the state you had originally left it in.

"Minho," you call out, hoping he heard you.

Sure enough, he did. Minho walks into the spare room with a puzzled expression, wondering why he's been summoned, "what?"

“Why are these open?” You ask, lifting one box off of the other to check if the rest were open as well. “Half of my stuff isn’t in here.”

“You were coming back for those?” he replies with a question.

“What the hell else would I be coming back here for?”

“That's what I thought when you got here,” he says. “I thought it was for other things that you left behind, not ones in these boxes."

Your eyes never leave his face, tracking any sudden shifts in his muscles to try to figure out if he’s actually telling the truth or not. Even though you and Minho aren’t together, you're sure he wouldn't do anything malicious out of spite.

“So why is half my stuff missing?”

Minho pinches the bridge of his nose, “I thought you didn’t need any of it and that you left it here on purpose for me to deal with or throw out.”

“So what…” you trail off, expecting his answer. Minho hesitates for a few moments, sitting on the fence about whether he should actually tell you or not. But the least he can do right now is be honest.

“I told the…girl I bought around the other day that if she wanted anything-“

“No you fucking didn’t.”

“-she could have whatever was left in the boxes,” Minho finishes the rest of his sentence which would’ve been better for you not to hear.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you for leaving them behind in the first place!” Minho argues back, trying to defend himself here even though he knows he’s in the wrong. “You were gone for a few days Y/N, I thought you just left!”

“I never left them behind! I told you how long it was going to take my things to move!” You shout at him, tears brimming your eyes. “Now my stuff…”

The hurt genuinely sets in. Minho feels a sharp stab of pain in his chest when he sees how visibly upset you are. He knows that he’s been nothing short of a dickhead within the past month and now he’s gone and made things worse. It’s no point in him now to say that it was an honest mistake.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know, truly.”

You shove him backwards into the dresser, knocking down some of the empty photo frames that were once homes for pictures of you and Minho, “you’re not sorry. You’re the fucking worst.”

Taken aback by your actions, Minho turns behind him to see the frames flat on the surface then looks back at you, “seriously Y/N, I would not have done that out of spite.”

“But it’s the fact that you still did it!” You raise your voice at him and shove him back again. “You didn’t bother calling or texting me about it when you should’ve!”

Minho predicts your next move and catches your arms to stop you from pushing him back impossibly further into the dresser. He shoves you back, the back of your knees hitting the edge of the bed which causes you to land on it behind you.

Before the surprise kicks in, Minho is kneeling on top of you, nearly straddling your lower half as he starts pinning your arms to the side of your head. Yet with a split second of momentum to break free, you struggle but manage to flip the tables and pin Minho on his back.

You mount his hips before your mouth comes down to kiss Minho so aggressively that it takes him a moment to react. With any other woman that he’s slept with so far, he would allow them to be on top. But because it’s you, and supposedly hates your guts, not to mention his untapped pride, it’s not going to happen. So Minho fights back, kissing and biting nearly every part of your upper body in the process until you’re under him.

He sucks large, deep, red hickies into the skin of your neck, in places where everyone would be able to see them. Minho would want people to know that you’re just a whore he uses. Especially for the next guy you sleep with who would go down on you and see the myriad of hickies that Minho would eventually put between your thighs when he rips your pants down.

“Wanna play this fucking game with me,” he rasps before yanking down your off.

Despite being a dickhead Minho will still eat you out for prep. But it’s not soft and teasing when he does go down on you. It’s tongue and finger fucking you until you’re dizzy from how hard you’re about to cum. It gives you the opportunity to pull and tug on his hair until his scalp starts burning, forcing you to be as vocal as you’ve ever been.

His fingers curl up into that sensitive spot while his tongue and mouth work simultaneously. He’s always been good at giving head, but unusually better now that he’s relatively angry. In the back of your mind, you supposed it helped having not slept with anyone for a month, making it easier to reach that peak of delicious, eye-rolling ecstasy.

“Fuck!” you scream out, voice projecting throughout the room as Minho sucks on your clit. “Fuck you…you’re gonna make me cum.”

Those words are something Minho could never get tired of hearing you say. Even in the headspace that he’s in now, he wants nothing more than to hear how good he’s making your body feel. However, he doesn’t need verbal confirmation from you to know that you’re about to cum. When your walls seize and clamp around his fingers, when you’re trembling around his head, Minho knows what that means.

The quick drag of his fingers is only light work for him, pumping at a pace that has you panting to try and keep up with it. As a result, it’s not long before Minho brings you to your sweet release; a toe-curling burst of euphoria that has you silently creaming around his fingers.

He has no patience for you to descend from your orgasm, sucking his fingers clean as he pulls away from your pussy. He gets to unbuckling his belt faster than he can even comprehend that this is still happening.

“H-Hurry,” you whine, trying to quell the hunger for Minho’s cock while you wait.

His eyes squeeze shut, hissing as he coats his length with your slick, “shut the fuck up.”

Despite being in a haze post-orgasm, you manage to sit up quickly to turn and push Minho down by his shoulders. You find yourself straddling his hips once more, reaching down and behind for his cock, aligning it with your hole. Minho allows you to work for it yourself, watching his cock vanish by the second as you sink down.

“Mmm…f-fuck,,” you whine, unable to come to grips with how much you miss him filling you out.

Taking a couple of slow strokes up and down allows you to realise that never in your wildest dreams could you ever imagine hate sex with Minho would be this…rough. Both of you pushing, shoving, and manhandling each other around, speaking to each other with such disregard for the other person's feelings – beyond the point of degradation.

“Come on,” Minho grunts, fingernails embedding themselves into your hips so that the indents remaining become as equally as vibrant as the hickies blooming on your neck.

You look down at him with disgust before your hand lowers to his throat, choking him out by the sides of his neck. That familiar feeling of restriction to Minho forces him to repress his sick enjoyment of it, even more so when you start really riding him.

“Fuck you,” you strain out, trying to assert some degree of control even though you’re battling with oversensitivity from your previous orgasm.

You slam your hips down repeatedly, building up a good pace and rhythm that’s enough for small moans to force their way out of your mouth. With a cock like Minho’s, it’s impossible to keep quiet no matter how much you try. However, as you work for your own orgasm, you don’t want to give him any satisfaction by making him think that he’s the one doing it; yet in reality, he is.

Nonetheless, you continue to use him just as much as he’s using you until the luxury of pleasure accelerates in the pit of your stomach. In saying that, it doesn’t take long for Minho to find that information out as you continue to ride him. The observation is clear-cut;

“Nobody’s fucked you since me haven’t they?” He asks you breathlessly, watching you roll your hips deliciously over his cock. “Know how I can tell? Because you keep fucking clenching around my dick.”

Your eyebrows furrow, struggling to find an answer for him because he is right and that’s not your fault, “s-so what? Want me to stop?”

“Didn’t say that, did I?” He argues back, too proud to say ‘no’. “Just…just keep moving.”

A firm hand of yours catches his taut jaw, and while his mouth is open, you lean down and spit right in it.

You curse right at him, “fuck you.”

His eyes lock with yours and for a moment, Minho is shocked, but not in a bad way. In that moment you despised him so much that he made you do something a normal person would find disgusting. Although it’s not long before a sick smirk spreads across his face, failing to pretend as if he didn’t just enjoy that, swallowing it back.

“Course you’d be into that you fucking whore,” he rasps, his body jolting every time your hips slam down.

“I’m not the whore who’s taking it,” you snipe back at him.

Your comment riles Minho, resulting in him nearly bucking you off his body before flipping you onto your stomach. He yanks both of your hands behind your back as something for him to latch onto when he pushes his cock back into you, and starts fucking hard and fast.

“Yes, yes, yes, fuck…” you whimper, eyes fluttering shut.

The new angle makes his dick slip in just that extra bit deeper, achieving a sensation which you miss all too much. With the amount of relentlessness that Minho puts behind his thrusts is nothing but a fast, brutal, and unforgiving type of fucking. He’s not holding back with you, no matter how much you hate him and he hates you, he will fuck you to tears.

“Such a fucking slut,” he drives forward nastily. “Needy, loud, slut.”

Your choked moans and whimpers are typical responses to hearing him call you that name again. In bed, if you weren’t his lover, you were his slut. Minho wouldn’t care less if the bed broke beneath him trying to fuck you like the whore you always wanted him to treat you as. But it was phenomenal.

Now, that’s only a distant memory clawing to come back.

“Make me cum…make me fucking cum,” you demand, acknowledging how close you are to the cliff of ecstasy.

Minho's breathing picks up from hearing the pure desperation in your voice, and so does his pace. His only release is not but a minute away, respecting that and also his motive to continue rearranging your guts.

Yet the possibility of keeping up any longer draws to a short term. Minho’s hold on your wrists behind your back becomes a solid death grip with no chance of escape until the wet heat from your pussy has his hips jumping out of rhythm.

His head tilts to the sky, the pleasure screaming at him from the base of his cock, “y-yes, fuck I'm cumming.”

At that very instant, Minho’s release rocks him over. His hands let go of yours in lieu of grabbing onto your ass instead. The pain and sting of his fingernails scraping deep into your flash forces strained whimpers and mewls from your throat, helping to push you over the verge of your second orgasm.

“Y-Yes, cumming, oh fuck-” you cry out with a shaky voice, stiffening while your hole seizes rhythmically around Minho’s length.

The pleasure is throat-gripping, making you forget the words to express how good you feel. Except, in the vapour of your orgasmic haze, you still don't want to accept the fact that it's Minho who makes you feel that way.

He pauses for a moment then thrusts hard back into you, making you keep the warm load that you were so undeservingly given, regardless if your walls are spasming and contracting it out. Then just as he was fast to try to get inside you, he's just as fast when he pulls out and flops beside you.

The air in the room becomes breathable again now that your heart rate isn't racing to the heavens, but picks back up quickly when you decide to hop off the bed and get dressed. You couldn't care less if you were sore and unbalanced. The thought of staying in the room with Minho any longer was suffocating.

“About your stuff,” he starts, filling the silent void with an exasperated voice. “I’ll try to get it back.”

You zip your jeans up, “don’t bother. I know you did give it away for whatever reason, but for what reason is something I’m betting you’ll take to the grave with you.”

Minho is up and now following suit by putting his clothes on. If now is the time to get one thing off of his chest, it’s now. Since the day you both separated, there has been no proper conversation. Both of you are too stubborn to admit wrongs and fix rights, but in your eyes, it's too far gone. There’s no going back to a good thing that was once more.

"I won't if we can just talk it out," he offers the opportunity to you.

“Minho, the nights that I had to listen to you fuck someone else in the next room right after we just broke up was a clear sign that we did not need to talk it out. All it made me do is realise that you didn't actually love me."

“That’s not true,” he shakes his head as you hear a twinge of desperation in his voice like he's pleading his case. "That's not true at all."

"It is though," you correct him. "You were free to sleep with whoever you wanted to because we had broken up at that point, but not a day after that did you wait."

Minho follows through with his explanation, “I was trying to get you out of my head. Spending too long just thinking about you makes me want to lose it. It didn't mean that I never loved you before."

“So you’re just going to continue being delusional? To fuck your way through trying to forget me?” You question, nearly laughing. "I honestly think you're just being pathetic."

He shrugs, “if it means that I don’t have to feel heartbreak, then yes.”

Part of you gets it. Minho’s found a vice and is using it as a tool to deal with his pain. But you’re in pain too, and you haven’t done anything to upset him ever since you split. Maybe it is as bad for him as he says it is. Maybe he doesn’t truly know how to navigate himself out of this like you’re attempting to.

It’s almost a rebuttal to your statement about whether he truly loved you or not; if he’s using other people to drive the thought of you out of his brain because it’s too painful to deal with, then maybe you were more than just a lover to him.

"I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I cannot stand being around you anymore because of how much it hurts to know that you're not actually with me. I'd rather try to forget your existence in order to not feel that type of heartbreak," Minho explains, his words coming from a place inside him that must've just opened up.

But he continues, "the second we split, I needed every last memory of you out of this house. But I know that this hurts you too and that this past month I’ve hurt you and that’s no justification to say that my reason is because you mean more than my entire life.”

There’s an ache in your chest that you’ve never felt before, a blend of all the emotional pain that could’ve been prevented had the two of you just talked. But that ache is fuelled by the fact that you can hear the waiver in Minho’s voice, and even though his back is still turned to you while he sits on the edge of the bed, you’re sure he’s crying.

A/N: Dare I say that I want to make a part 2 to this where Minho and reader try to rekindle, things are pretty tender but they sort of want to make it work...

#rosiewritesskz #stray kids smut #skz smut #lee know smut #lee know x reader

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elliesbelle · 10 months

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nobody compares to you

chapter 12

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, dealer!ellie, mentions of alcohol, descriptions of anxiety and anxiety attacks, allusions to toxic parents, description of murder (in a joking fashion), flashback scene, some descriptions from ellie's POV, descriptions of marijuana and marijuana usage, allusions to toxic ex-friends, slightly sexual behaviour, minors do not interact

word count: 9.2k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-if if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

“Oh, I don’t know, Abs…”

“Hey, like I said, no pressure at all.”

You’re sprawled out on your bed with your homework spread out on your sheets which you’ve completely abandoned as you’d spent the last half hour chatting on the phone with Abby.

It’s been exactly four days since your night out with her and her friends at the lesbian bar, Bow and Arrow. Exactly four days since unexpectedly you ran into your ex-fling from freshman year, Adriana. Exactly four days since you drunkenly rejected Abby’s sudden and attempted kiss. Exactly four days since you visited the same alleyway where you had your first kiss with Ellie Williams.

Being the perfect gentlemanwoman that she always was, Abby had insisted on taking you home herself that night. You’d reassured her that you could easily order a rideshare service to take you home if needed, but she argued that it was her fault that you had tequila in your system in the first place and that she’d feel much more at ease if she definitively saw you enter the front door of your apartment with her own two eyes. Her thoughtfulness and persistence won out in the end, and at around 2 A.M., she respectfully greeted you good night as you tipsily crossed the threshold of your apartment.

As you waved her goodbye, a sinking sense of shame settled at the seat of your stomach. Despite your brush-off to her advances, Abby remained completely sweet and amicable for the rest of the night. Her demeanour didn’t seem to change, though there were no more attempts to steal another kiss from you again. The feeling of remorse soberly persisted into the following day, and you’d remorsefully texted Abby the morning after to offer lengthy sorries for your rejection. Ever a well-mannered woman of honour, she easily accepted your many apologies and, in turn, apologized for attempting to kiss you while neither of you was completely sober. Your “friendship” with Abby remained untainted, much to your relief.

But now, exactly four days later, you’ve been once again placed in yet another uncomfortable predicament. Abby had just invited you out to dinner with her that following Friday night at a restaurant called Orchards. Though never having actually set foot in the place, you’d seen just in passing how extravagant and fancy the establishment was. It was never a restaurant you considered ever patronizing, and as Abby attempts to persuade you to accompany her for dinner, you feel your entire body begin to react in complete hysteria. You try to convince yourself that your rapidly beating heart and extreme nausea were merely nervous reactions to being suddenly asked out on an obvious date, not at all from the fact that Orchards is a mere block and corner away from the apartment that Jesse and Ellie shared.

“It’s not that I don’t want to!” You insist. “It’s just that… I mean, are you sure?”

“Sure about what?”

“I don’t know… that you wanna be asking me out on a date.”

“Doesn’t have to be an official date if you don’t want it to be,” She says. “It can just be two friends going out on a Friday night for a nice dinner together and having a fun time.”

“At a super fancy restaurant?”

“Hey, I’m a really good friend.”

You can’t help but giggle at Abby’s cheekiness.

From experience alone, you have a gut feeling somehow that if you were to decline Abby’s invitation, she wouldn’t hold it against you. You could choose to once again remain within the sanctuary of your platonic comfort zone, a sanctuary that you’d grown far too comfortable in for the past couple of years. But Abby was genuinely sweet and so thoughtful and incredibly handsome, and she’d been so very good to you so far. Suddenly, wise words from both Dina and Jesse come back to you and echo within your mind.

“Don’t let her stop you from enjoying your life.”

“I also think that you deserve to be happy. And unfortunately, that means putting yourself out there.”

Trying to hold back from letting out an audible sigh, you finally give Abby a reply.

“Alright.”

“Oh?”

“Alright.” You repeat, smiling slightly.

“Is that a yes?” Abby asks.

“It’s a yes,” You giggle. “Now whether it’s a friend date or a real date…”

“Hey, I’ll take whatever I can get,” Abby laughs. “You don’t have to decide now. Hell, you can even decide during dessert while we’re actually at the restaurant.”

“You’re cute.” You chuckle.

“Oh, I know.” You swear you can hear Abby’s cocky smirk through the phone.

“So, Friday at 7?” You confirm.

“If that works for you. Do you want me to come pick you up from your place?”

You seriously consider her generous offer. A small part of you knows that there is every chance that you would end up bailing in total anxiety if you weren’t essentially escorted to the date. Part of you also begins to worry that you’d immediately look out of place if you walked in alone without Abby and her usual charm & swagger by your side. But you then remember that Abby’s apartment is only five minutes away from the restaurant and yours was fifteen and in the complete opposite direction; your unrelenting unwillingness to inconvenience her ultimately makes the decision for you.

“Oh, it’s okay! I can just meet you there.” You exclaim.

“You sure? I totally don’t mind coming to get you.”

“Abby.” You say in a playfully stern manner.

“I know, I know,” Abby chuckles. “You’re a big girl.”

“Yes, ma’am, I am.”

Suppressing from loudly exhaling in both relief and tension, you finally remember and notice all of the unfinished homework still laid out right in front of you.

“Anyway, just text me all the details later. I’ve got a shit ton of homework that I’ve been procrastinating on, and you’ve kind of been sidetracking me from completing any of it.”

“My apologies, it was not my intention to be so distracting.”

“Yes, it was.”

“Okay, maybe a little.”

You both laugh.

“Alright, alright,” Abby complies. “I’ll let you get to it. I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Don’t you have class at like, 8?”

“I can skip it so I can walk you to your 9 A.M.”

“Abigail, go to your classes.”

“Fine,” She chuckles. “I’ll be a good student, I guess. Always so eager to be rid of me.”

“Abby Anderson, I swear to god—“

“Kidding, kidding!”

“I’ll text you later, then.” You say.

“Sounds good. Good luck with your homework.”

“Thanks. Good night, Abs.”

“Good night, pretty girl.”

You tap the red button at the bottom of your screen, subsequently ending the call.

Sighing, you flop onto your back and stare at your prickly white ceiling. Your eyes zoom in and out of focus as your mind recaps the conversation you just had with the blonde, blue-eyed woman.

Did I just agree to go out with Abby?

Do I really want to do this?

This is gonna be so, so different from the other night. We were with her friends. She’s inviting me out to be with her and only her.

It’s going to be a date, no matter what she says.

I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing anymore.

Am I doing this because I want to do it? Or is it because I feel like I should?

She doesn’t even know what she’s taking on, trying to date me. She doesn’t know what she’s getting into. She’s way too nice, too sweet for me.

Can I really do this?

As your internal monologue quickly fatigues both your mind and your emotions, you nearly pass out before the panic of not finishing your schoolwork jolts you awake once again.

“What about this one?”

“No, it hugs my thighs really weird…”

“First of all, it does not. Second, why do you even have it in the first place, then?!”

“Sentimental value, D!”

You had invited Dina over that Wednesday evening to help you settle on an outfit to wear for your date-not-a-date in two days. You’d finally relented to telling Dina about your situation with Abby and how on the fence you’ve been in regards to starting anything romantic and real with her. To your surprise, Dina was a lot less judgier than you had been anticipating and much more understanding. She was just as supportive as she was the day she came over with the cup of coffee and advice regarding your messy situation with Ellie. She even enthusiastically invited herself over, accurately predicting that you were already far too hesitant and anxious to properly plan for Friday night.

You snatch the white dress Dina had been holding out for you from her hands and throw it onto your bed.

“If we can’t find actually anything suitable for me to wear, maybe it’s a sign from the universe that I should cancel on Abby.”

“The hell it is!” Dina scolds. “You are going on this date, even if I have to go out right now and buy you a whole new outfit myself!”

“I just don’t think I actually have anything good enough for Orchards! I’m gonna go there and look like a freaking shabby peasant, and Abby will take one look at me and immediately collapse on the spot over how disgustingly and horrifically ugly I look.” You flop onto your bed next to the pile of rejects you’d adamantly denied earlier in the evening.

“Did you really just say ‘peasant’? What are you, eighty?” Dina rolls her eyes at your dramatics. “And if Abby Anderson passes out on the spot for any reason, it’ll only be because you will be so stunning and gorgeous and ravishing and elegant that she just couldn’t consciously handle your natural beauty.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, D!” You laugh, picking up the white dress Dina was holding previously and lobbing it at her face.

Dina laughs as she effortlessly catches it before placing it back on top of the reject pile. She then saunters back into your walk-in closet to continue examining its contents.

“Maybe if we build your date outfit from—”

“Not a date.”

“—your date outfit from an accessory or a pair of shoes or something. Do you have a pair of heels that you were thinking of wearing?”

You give her an apprehensive look.

“What do you think, D?”

“Of course. Be helpful for two seconds, babe.”

“Ugh!”

You lift your head slightly to watch her venture further into your closet from the comfort of your bed.

“I have a whole bunch of other shoes on the top shelf over there,” You say, pointing in the direction of a wall-mounted shelf above your clothes arranged on hangers. “Some of them are still in their shoe boxes, though, so you better put them back properly after and line them up exactly the way I had them.”

“Anal.” Dina scoffs, smiling. “Why are they still in their boxes?”

“Some of them were stupid, impulse purchases that I immediately regretted but was too lazy to return,” You explain, dropping your head back onto your bed. “Others are a bunch of ugly and uncomfortable shoes that my mother bought me and that I have to lie about wearing regularly and that I’m definitely not allowed to get rid of, lest she murders me in cold blood with her own two hands.”

“So when are we going to finally end the miserable existence of that horrible woman again, exactly?”

“When I figure out exactly how to get away with murder.”

Dina smirks as she grabs a small step stool hidden in a corner of your closet.

“Hey, if Barbie Bear had actually come to life when I asked her to all those years ago, you would have been free from that witch’s clutches by now.” Dina huffs as she begins to peek into the shoe boxes neatly arranged on the top shelf of your closet.

“Speaking of Barbie Bear,” You suddenly segue, still staring up at the ceiling of your apartment. “I still want her back, by the way.”

“I told you fifty million times already that I don’t have her!”

“Bullshit,” You counter. “I know I left her at your house summer after freshman year I came home with you guys.”

“Babe, it’s been like, well over a year now. I promise that I don’t have her, and I seriously haven’t seen her anywhere in my house back home.”

“I’m planning on pressing charges against you for kidnapping my child and for causing such catastrophic emotional distress as a result of the trauma of many years of motherly separation from my daughter.”

“Such a fucking drama queen.” Dina chuckles as she continues her footwear search.

“Dinaaaa,” You whine. “You know that Raf gave her to me—”

“Uhhh…” Dina abruptly interrupts. “What the hell is this?”

“What?”

“What is this box?” Dina asks, climbing down the step stool with something in one hand.

“Hmm?” You finally rise from your position and prop yourself up on your elbows to get a better look at what she was referring to.

Dina slowly emerges from your closet holding something heavy in her hands. It looks like a shoe box at first glance; but upon further inspection, it looks quite different from the other containers that it was previously organized with. Dina reveals a dark blue memory box adorned with intricately drawn vines and flowers. On one side was a tiny strip of paper with the word “El” written in small golden ink.

Your fingers go cold, your jaw goes slack, and your eyes widen. The absolute panicked expression on your face complements Dina’s expression of complete astonishment.

“Oh, shit.” You mutter involuntarily.

“Sooo…” Dina begins. “You’ve got… an Ellie box.”

Knowing Dina very well, you figure that, at the very least, she already snuck a quick peek at its contents. You sigh, aware that lying to her face would be pointless.

“Y-yeah. I’ve got an Ellie box.”

Dina’s mouth drops open even further, and you groan in total embarrassment at her elated squeals of your name laced with amusement and intrigue.

“An Ellie box!!! Oh my god! Scandalous! Outrageous! Somebody call the Vatican!” Dina exclaims happily, a shit-eating grin wide all over her face.

“Dinaaaa…” You gripe. “Put it back right now!”

“Absolutely not, you slut!” She excitedly cries as she plops herself down next to you on the bed, carelessly pushing your pile of discarded clothes further to the side. “This is the best day of my whole life.”

“Dina!” You smack her arm but make no real attempts to pull the box away from her, knowing you wouldn’t win that very brief fight.

“You’re the one who still has it!” She points out smugly. “And after you swore to me the other week that you are definitely not in love with Ellie anymore.”

“I’m not!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah” She simply waves you off as she removes the lid. “Keep telling yourself that, babe.”

You fall back onto your sheets, shrouding your face behind your hands in shame as Dina giggles giddily to herself.

You try in vain to convince yourself that you’d completely forgotten you even had the memory box in the first place, that it was something you’d meant to get rid of ages ago but merely never gotten around to. It was shoved, after all, in between all the pairs of shoes you never touch, always closed and completely neglected. But the brutally honest part of your conscience knows that its continued existence in your closet is a representation of something you desperately try to keep buried deep within the corners of your mind.

Unable to help yourself, you cautiously peek behind your hands to observe Dina’s extensive inspection of your secret Ellie box. You watch as she picks up several pieces of paper: a faded ticket stub from a show Ellie once took you to of a local band whose music she wanted to introduce you to, a receipt from the time that you and Ellie attended a limited portrait exhibition at a nearby art museum, an unfinished charcoal picture Ellie had drawn of a small field of blooming daisies you’d spotted when you’d gone with her to the woods to freely smoke in secret.

You try to block out the images the box’s contents were involuntarily eliciting from memories you’d hidden long ago as Dina places the papers back in lieu of a stack of envelopes wrapped together with a thin piece of twine. A gentle smile appears on Dina’s face as she tenderly turns the handwritten letters back and forth between her hands.

“You know,” She says quietly. “Ellie used to really love whenever you wrote her these letters to her. Jesse and I used to catch her rereading them all the time, even super old ones you’d written her months before.”

You quickly feel your entire body burn hot with a sweltering sensation that you hadn’t let yourself fully feel in years.

Fall of Freshman Year

The university that you’d chosen to reside in for the next four years was chosen partially for its distance away from your hometown, from your parents in particular. Longing to be liberated from their tyrannical control, you applied exclusively to schools that were no less than a hundred miles away. Not a week into your freshman year, however, the guilt of choosing to be so far away from your favourite cousin ate at you every second you were apart. To give Rafael something tangible to consistently remind him of you, you’d send handwritten letters to him through the mail at least twice a month while you attended college. Though you’d chat with him regardless through texts and video on a regular basis, you enjoyed showering him with sisterly love in your own sweet and corny way.

Ellie was sprawled out on your bed one night while you sat at your rickety, battered student desk. She was busying herself by rolling a few joints, all packed with lavender buds you’d previously provided, and placing them in her metal tin. As she placed the last one next to the others and put another in between her lips, she hopped off your bed and came to hover nosily behind you.

“Are you really doing homework this late?”

“Shut up and go finish rolling so we can smoke already.”

“What are you doing?”

“Not my homework.”

“Then what?”

Ellie curiously leaned over your shoulder and watched the way your hand smoothly and speedily glided over your favourite piece of floral stationary, writing legibly your own blend of print and cursive. To the right of your paper was a small white envelope with both your name and Rafael’s written on the front accompanied by your respective addresses. To the left was a golden stamp seal of a sunflower and a tiny mason jar full of multicoloured wax beads.

“Are you writing a letter? With your hands?”

“I mean, how else are you supposed to write a letter, El?”

“What kind of nerdy ass nonsense—”

“Go roll our shit, Ellie Williams!” You interrupted, taking a pencil within your reach and flicking it at her.

She chuckled, blocking it in time before it hit her directly in the face. She placed it back on your desk before picking up the sunflower seal and examining it closely.

“You’re writing an actual letter, for real?” She asked, her lips still tight with the joint in between her lips.

“Mhmm.” You hummed.

“To your cousin?”

“Yup.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel like it.”

“That’s some shit that only senile, lonely grandmas do on their grandkid’s birthday when they’re sending them fifty bucks in cash.” Ellie teased as she placed the sunflower stamp back on your desk.

“So, what?”

“So, you’re even more of a nerd than I thought.”

“Shut up!”

“Hey, not my fault that you’re an old lady.”

“Can you go finish rolling our joints so we can smoke already?”

“I’m already done, grandma!”

“Then go away and hush!”

Ellie chuckled as she leaned against your desk and took out a lighter from a front pocket of her jeans. She moved to ignite the tip of the joint, but you smacked her arm and pointed towards your bed.

“Sploof, sploof, sploof!!!” You demanded.

“What? Tara won’t care about the smell. She smells like weed half the time herself.”

“My RA will notice, though! I don’t wanna get kicked out in my first year of college just ‘cause you’re lazy!”

“Thought that the whole point of your lavender shit was to mask the weed smell.”

You didn’t reply and settled for looking at her with a stern glare. She laughed and mockingly held up both her hands in defeat.

“Alright, alright! Stick-in-the-mud.”

She walked over to your bed, plopping back down and reaching for the paper towel roll that she’d wrapped securely with duct tape and stuffed with several dryer sheets. After lighting the joint and taking a deep hit, she exhaled deeply into the cylindrical piece of cardboard. Her ocean green eyes remained fixated on you, fixated on concluding your letter.

“So why are you sending Rafael snail mail? Don’t you guys talk like, almost every day?”

“We do. But it’s just something I really love doing. Makes me feel connected with him in more than one way, you know?”

Ellie merely hummed in acknowledgement as you continued your explanation.

“I used to do it a lot back in high school for the friends I had at the time. Or at least I did until my parents made me stop when they complained about me using up all their stamps.”

“Dicks.” Ellie chuckled. “Did any of your friends ever write you back?”

“No,” You said simply. “I totally get it though. We saw each other every single day at school. It makes sense for them not to send some handwritten reply through the mail.”

Your expression looked completely and genuinely unbothered, but Ellie frowned.

“That was pretty rude of them.” She pointed out.

“Oh, it’s okay. I never thought it was. I didn’t do it to get anything back from them or anything. Just did it ‘cause I really cared about my friends and wanted to show that in my way. It was sort of like my own kind of love language.”

Ellie continued to watch you in total awe as you folded up the stationary and stuffed it into the envelope. You thoughtfully picked out a couple of wax beads from the mason jar, two violet and one silver, and placed them on a tiny spoon that you placed on top of a mahogany wax warmer. You turned around to face her, one hand held out in her direction.

“Can I borrow your lighter, El?” You asked.

Ellie, still mesmerized by your routine, blinked in disorientation.

“Wh-what?”

“Your lighter, dummy. Can I use it for a sec?”

“O-oh, y-yeah.”

She’d completely forgotten about the lit joint still placed between her lips. After quickly inhaling from the cigarette and exhaling into the sploof, she shoved a hand into her jean pocket once again and handed you her lighter. She ignored the subtle electricity that sparked between you when her fingertips brushed against yours.

She observed the way you carefully lit the white tealight candle inside the wax warmer and stared at the way the beads slowly melted inside the small spoon. Clearing her throat and finally handing you the joint, she leaned back onto your pillows and tried to lighten the mood.

“So, you’re allowed to a candle in your dorm room, but I can’t even smoke?”

“Asshole, I’m literally smoking with you right now.” You pointed out before bringing the joint to your lips and relighting the tip.

“I’m just saying, double standard.” Ellie shrugged.

“Wh—double standard? Does anything you say ever make any sense?” You asked with tight lips, hysterically flapping a hand in the direction of the sploof next to her on the bed.

She laughed and quickly handed it to you, once again ignoring that flicker of electricity at your touch.

“I love being an enigma to all human beings.”

“Fucking weirdo.” You replied after exhaling into the wrapped paper towel roll.

Ellie gave you a cocky wink, and you ignored the feverish burning of your cheeks.

“So,” She began as you suck from the joint once more. “Am I ever going to receive one of these fancy ass letters of yours?”

“What? What for?”

“I don’t know; just wanna see all the fuss is about.”

“I see you every day, El. We literally live on the same campus.”

“So, what? I still want one.”

“You just said it was an old lady activity.”

“It is.”

“You’re not helping your case by being mean to me, you know.”

You handed the joint and sploof back to Ellie and turned your uncomfortable desk chair around to lean back into it and face her directly.

“You wouldn’t want one, anyway. It’s almost always all corny and sentimental.”

“I mean, I expected as much. Have you met you?” Ellie gestured to you with the joint between her fingers.

You playfully stick your tongue at her.

“You are a rude and blunt asshole, El. Corny and sentimental aren’t really your thing.”

“Fine!” Ellie jokingly conceded after taking a huge hit of the joint. “I didn’t really want one, anyway!”

You rolled your eyes at her petulant and whiny expression. Ellie finished off the rest of the joint as you delicately poured the melted wax onto the envelope and sealed it with the sunflower stamp.

Despite having just made lighthearted fun of you for it, the small smile on Ellie’s lips contradicted her prior teasing. She adored watching you perform such a personal ritual, and she felt special to be given your natural, instinctive trust by comfortably allowing her to witness such an intimate act.

Out of sheer stubbornness and defiance on your part, you gave Ellie her very own handwritten letter the following day. You found some time during your day to slip it underneath her door in between your classes, and you quickly scampered off before either she or Jesse came home. You were still a bit huffy over her playful teasing the previous night, and you wanted to tease her back in your own way.

To your slight surprise, Ellie was completely amused and ecstatic by your act of indignation. She eagerly opened the small, white envelope with her name written in golden cursive on the front, carefully avoiding ripping the fancy seal you’d closed the letter with: a forest green wax seal with hints of gold, embellished with a pair of ferns that notably matched that of her forearm tattoo.

Inside the envelope was a simple, small piece of paper with only seven words written on it: “you are so, so mean to me,” followed by a tiny sad face.

You would have never guessed that her silly jabs at your sentimentality would establish a special ritual between you and Ellie. You were entertained by how truly thrilled Ellie had found her first letter that, on a frequent basis, you would sneakily slip formally sealed envelopes under her door or drop them inside her designated mail slot or hide them underneath her pillow with a short handwritten letter inside written in jest. But somewhere along the way, the little inside jokes eventually turned into genuine letters of you enthusiastically talking about innermost thoughts you’d be having at the time or words of loving encouragement when you knew she was having a particularly bad day. Your little confidences only for her eyes that were hidden by different wax seals, whether it be a bumblebee or a daisy or her token ferns, brought her a sense of comfort she could never quite comprehend.

During that summer after your freshman year, you’d continued to regularly write her letters. But as she began to pull away from you, they never reached her as you became reluctant to actually present them. She sequentially stayed ignorant of their existence after you’d broken it all off with her.

But despite how horribly heart-wrenching the end of the whole affair was, you kept the letters anyway. You’d even composed several letters in the months following as a sorry means to ease your grief, confessing all the sentiments and feelings you wished you could have fully expressed to her but never got the chance to.

Some were furious and indignant over how she had been treating you that summer; others were wistful and nostalgic over the connection you’d believed you had with her but lost completely; each just as miserable as the next. Just as you were so unhealthily attached to the letters previously written to her, you couldn’t bear to throw out these melancholy ones. You settled instead on hiding them away, never meant to be seen by anyone else.

You watch as Dina delicately runs her fingers over the different wax seals you’d used to close the envelopes, a kind but thoughtful look on her face. She sighs before speaking.

“I really wished things worked out between the two of you, you know. Still do.”

“I know, D.”

She turns back to look at you, a sad smile still etched on her lips.

“Still won’t tell me anything about what happened at the end of that summer? You still never told me and Jess. Hasn’t enough time passed?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, babe.” You sigh, shaking your head.

“I guess not,” Dina says, turning back around to place the letters in the box. “Just wish you’d talk to me about it, even just a little bit.”

Even now, you feel immense guilt over your unrelenting reluctance to reveal to Dina and Jesse what really transpired when Ellie dropped you off at home after your summer in Jackson. It had been consistently painful over the years not to confide in your closest friends, especially when you know just how badly they’ve always wanted to give you the comfort you so desired. But tarnishing the couple’s view of their childhood best friend after all this time feels pointless and immature, and you know you would never be able to forgive yourself if this subsequently caused a rift between the trio.

“I don’t want to have to bring it up again…” Dina asks quietly. “But I just feel like I need to ask you this once more.”

“What is it, babe?” You reply, already aware of the question that looms obviously and ominously.

“Do you really believe that you’re not still in love with Ellie?” She inquires.

“I only have that box in my closet because I didn’t want to keep it at home for my parents to find and make a big fuss over. They barely know of Ellie’s existence in my life.” You respond quickly, making a deliberate attempt to avoid giving her an actual answer.

“But why do you still even have it in the first place?”

“Just forgot I even had it in there, you know.” You shrug, getting up from the bed to approach your walk-in closet. “Like I said, it’s stuffed in with all this other shit I never touch anyway. Literally forgot it still even existed until you brought it out just now.”

Dina watches as you evade her probing gaze by getting up from your position on the bed to rifle through your hung clothes in the closet. She always had an uncanny way of reading people’s emotions, no matter how deeply others attempted to conceal them. Unwilling to let her delve deeper into whatever feelings you had in regards to Ellie, especially right before a date-not-a-date with Abby, you select several random articles of clothing from your closet and hold them up in front of Dina’s face to view.

“Okay, I feel like these are good contenders for tonight. Which one do you think is classy and fancy enough for Orchards?”

You take a nervous step through the cherry wood entrance that leads into Orchards, wearing a light purple dress with strappy, silver heels to match. You cling tightly to the tiny handbag between your hands like your life depends on it. Exhaling deeply with your old therapy breathing techniques, you approach the wooden podium stationed several feet from the doorway.

“Hi, umm,” You utter nervously. “I-I’m still waiting for the rest of my party, but the reservation should be under ‘Anderson’ for 7 o’clock?”

The host scans the booklet before finding Abby’s name on the list.

“I-I can definitely wait until she gets here, though! I can hang out in the vestibule. I totally don’t mind at all—” You stammer before the host interrupts.

“Oh, reservation for Miss Abigail Anderson? I see it right here. Your companion has actually already arrived just a few minutes ago..”

“O-oh, okay!” You say surprised. “I-I had no idea.”

“Not a problem, ma’am. She came not too long ago. I can show you to your table if you would like to follow me.” The host replies graciously, grabbing a menu from underneath the podium before escorting you further into the restaurant.

You tail after him, trying desperately to keep the sound of your heels clicking to a minimum but nearly tripping in the process.

The interior of the restaurant surpasses the quick glances you’d stolen in passing from the adjoining street. If you had been born and raised to be an upper-class socialite who frequented such fine dining establishments, you’re sure you’d have felt quite at home upon stepping into the place. The tables are all neatly set with white tablecloths and golden napkins folded precisely and neatly at the top of the plates. The maroon Fleur-de-Lis seating is all dimly lit by the modern beaded chandeliers hanging over the patrons. Servers skillfully weave throughout the place, all coordinated in their white button-down shirts and black slacks. Your tiny handbag nearly slips out of your icy grip from how slippery your fingers had gotten with sweat.

The restless intimidation that the establishment so easily oozed is slightly soothed when you catch sight of a familiar smiling blonde woman standing next to a table by the windows. The anxiety you have been feeling since entering Orchards is then replaced with a different type of tension as your eyes meet Abby’s piercing sky blue ones.

She’s wearing a muted green shirt with a pair of grey slacks. Her dirty blonde hair is in its usual braid, but it appears looser than it usually is. You try not to stare at the way her muscular arms bulge from her shirt, trying to avert your eyes elsewhere.

When you reach the table and whisper a “thank you” to the host as he places your menu next to your plate before he walks away, you return Abby’s winning smile with a flustered one of your own. She holds an arm out for you to give her a small, one-armed hug in greeting.

“Hey, Abs,” You say as you briefly embrace her. “Have you been waiting long? I thought you said we were supposed to be meeting at 7.”

“Well, I technically made the reservation for 6:45.” Abby replies, grinning at you unapologetically.

“What the hell, Abby!” You scold, playfully smacking her left bicep before reaching for your seat.

“I just like being prepared and being earlier than other people.” Abby shrugs, holding her hand out to help you into your chair as she pulls it out for you.

“Jesus,” You chuckle as you roll your eyes. “Has anyone ever told you how that’s kind of lunatic behaviour, Abigail?”

Abby merely smirks as she pushes your chair in for you, you murmuring a thanks in response.

“So, what do you think of the place?” Abby asks as she walks around the table to take a seat in her own chair.

“For a date-or-not-a-date, this is very extravagant.” You point out.

“Like I told you before, I’m a really good friend.” Abby shrugs again. “Am I not allowed to treat a friend to a nice, well-deserved dinner?”

“Abby.” You chide. “There’s no way that I’m letting you pay the whole bill by yourself. I know that this is a pretty pricey place.”

“Yeah, and I have the money for it. Get whatever you want, pretty girl. What’s the point of having money if you’re not going to spend it on other people?”

You don’t say anything, settling for merely pursing your lips as you take the neatly folded golden napkin off your plate and place it on top of your lap.

Orchards being a “four dollar sign” type of restaurant is a partial reason why you remained silent. Not coming from money as Abby does, you’d firmly decided prior to the dinner that you were going to order the cheapest appetizer on the menu as an entrée and that you’d drink nothing else but water. But knowing Abby, she’d order every single dish for you until you actually eat a proper meal, especially after her casual yet firm declaration.

But as you open up your menu and nervously bite the inside of your cheek, Abby’s last words begin to ring inside your ears.

“What’s the point of having money if you’re not going to spend it on other people?”

This was a sentence and philosophy that those around Ellie knew her quite well for. Every food delivery, every coffee order, every glass of vodka cranberry was paid for with Ellie’s hefty dealer income. You didn’t bother arguing with her when it came to it, not towards the end, because it was a pointless fight she would win every time. Despite every eye roll you’d throw her way, your heart would flutter every time you’d get a glimpse of the small, secret smile Ellie donned each time she’d spend her money on someone else. As long as those she cared about were happy, Ellie was happy.

To see the same kind of propriety in someone else disoriented you, especially someone who has been making her romantic intentions with you quite clear. It’s a trait you so admire in Abby, but a reminder of the auburn-haired woman on a date-not-a-date with another person still pierces something deep within your guts.

Adamant on keeping your mind off of Ellie for the rest of the night, you busy yourself going through Orchards’ lavish menu.

“Have you been here before?” You ask Abby as you scan the list of soups and salads.

“Once,” She replies as she goes through her own menu. “My aunt and uncle brought me here last year for my birthday, and I haven’t stopped thinking about their truffle parmesan tots since.”

“Yeah? They that good?”

“Oh, most definitely. I was ready to make love to it right there and then on the table.”

“Eww! Abby!!” You giggle, squinting your eyes and scrunching up your nose in simultaneous disgust and laughter.

You and Abby spend the next few minutes on small talk as you finish deciding on your order. Abby is in the middle of telling you about how she nearly elbowed a teammate right in the jaw during her last rugby practice earlier in the week when your phone begins to vibrate from inside your tiny handbag.

You keep your eyes focused mostly on your companion, intent on being present in the conversation, while your fingers silently fish your phone out of your purse. Your gaze briefly diverts to the lit screen, and your eyebrows furrow when you see that it’s Jesse who’s calling you.

Quickly pushing down your power button to reject the call for now while you make a mental note to call him back later, you shove your phone back into your handbag. You lean forward further and place your hands underneath your chin to make a show of being attentive, but only a few seconds pass before your phone starts to pulsate within your purse again.

Suppressing an obvious groan of simultaneous annoyance and concern, you attempt to ignore Jesse’s second call and instead try to listen to the rest of Abby’s story. But when her sky blue eyes distractingly fall onto your purse, you sigh dejectedly and reluctantly pull your phone out once again.

“Sorry, sorry,” You desperately utter as you reject the call again. “It’s Jesse. Not sure why he’s calling me right now.”

“You sure you don’t wanna pick up? Might be something important.” Abby asks, eyes full of honest concern.

“Oh, it’s okay. I’ll just call him back after—” You begin to say as your phone vibrates for a third time, violently begging for immediate recognition in your hand.

“Don’t worry,” Abby chuckles. “Go ahead and answer it. He’s your friend and I know he’s important to you.”

“I’m so, so sorry, Abby,” You say, awkwardly scrambling out of your seat with your phone in your hand. “He never, ever calls me like this, so I swear that I’m just gonna see what’s up, and then I’ll come right—”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Abby interrupts, smiling. “I don’t mind at all, I promise. I’ll be right here. Take your time.”

“You really are the best, Abs,” You sigh. “If the server comes around before I get back, could you get me the Caesar salad with Italian dressing?”

Abby gives you another kind smile and nods. You give her a gracious look before dashing towards the direction of the restroom, purposely leaving your purse behind as an unspoken promise of your eventual return.

You let out a heavy sigh after having swiftly glided through the restaurant and shut yourself in a unisex stall. Getting more nervous by the second, you immediately call the raven-haired man back. His delayed response begins to worry you further while you listen to seven agonizingly elongated rings before he eventually picks up.

“Oh, hey, my dude! What’s up?” Jesse greets nonchalantly, slightly out of breath.

“Wh-what—” You stutter, completely befuddled by his casual, unbothered tone. “Is everything all good? Are you okay? Why’d you call me?”

“What? I didn’t call you.”

“Jess, you called me like, fifty times just now.”

“Wait, really? Hang on…” He mutters. “Oh, shit. Huh. I guess I did.”

“Jesse!”

“Sorry, dude! My fault for leaving my phone in my pocket while doing squats.”

“Oh my g—I thought you were dying or something!” You gripe, sighing both in relief and annoyance.

“Me? Die? Man, I’m indestructible,” Jesse proclaims. “No man can kill Jesse Chang.”

“Jesus…”

“Hey, I thought you were on a date, by the way?”

“I am.” You point out, irritated. “Well, it’s not a date, but… whatever! I’m on it now!”

“Then what are you doing calling me?”

“You called me!”

“Oh, yeah.” Jesse chuckles.

“Dude!” You huff, clicking your tongue in indignation.

“Hey, you’re listed as one of my favourite contacts. My phone was somehow compelled to communicate with you tonight for some mystical reason.”

“I’m gonna kick your ass.”

You suppress a chuckle at hearing Jesse’s genuine howls of laughter from his end of the line.

“Alright, alright,” Jesse eventually says. “I’ll let you get back to it.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re doing alright, though?” Jesse suddenly asks, his lighthearted tone shifting to a more sincere one. “You feeling nervous?”

“Always.” You admit.

“You got this, man.”

“I-I don’t know, Jess…”

“Hey, you showed up, which means you’re halfway there already anyway.”

“I know, I know. I just… I just can’t believe I’m on an actual date. I can’t believe that I’m actually doing this.”

“I can. You are one foxy, amazing lady who deserves to be properly wined and dined.”

“Okay, grandpa.”

“There she is.”

You allow yourself to chuckle this time, suddenly feeling grateful for Jesse’s accidental buttdials tonight.

“Thanks, Jess. Needed that a bit, honestly.”

“I know, bud. Call me or D afterwards? If Anderson isn’t too busy ploughing into you or whatever it is that you lesbians do in the LGBT community.”

“Shut up!”

Jesse cackles.

“Yeah, I’ll call you guys right after.” You promise him.

“Good. Now get back to your quote-unquote date and enjoy yourself.”

“I’ll try.”

“Do or do not. There is no—”

“Don’t you fucking quote Star Wars to me, you nerd.”

“Hey, but you recognized it. You’re the nerd.”

“Whatever! I’ll call you after, grandpa!”

“You better, young lady!”

You and Jesse share a laugh.

“Thanks, Jess. Have fun at movie night with D. Love you lots.”

“Will do. Love you too, dude.”

You murmur a farewell before ending the phone call.

Leaning against the door of the stall and sliding down slightly, the comfort of hearing Jesse’s reassurances slowly dissipates as you think about Abby patiently awaiting your return at your table. You’d been so preoccupied with the anxiety of how the date-not-a-date itself would go that you hadn’t even spared a thought about the aftermath: how is the night going to end exactly?

You gulp, suddenly aware of the way your silver heels are digging into your ankles. You feel guilty for even entertaining the thought of ending the night and running home to the embarrassing comfort of your bed.

Why can’t I just fucking give in? Why am I stopping myself? Why am I so scared about how this night is going to end?

The sound of someone else entering the restroom snaps you out of your thoughts and back into reality: the reality where you are on, what you need to admit to yourself, a date with an extremely handsome, charming woman who is willing to give you what you might just need from a romantic partner.

A couple more minutes pass where you heavily abuse your breathing techniques before you finally find the courage to pry yourself off the door. You emerge from the stall just as your nameless powder room companion exits.

You dare look at yourself in the mirror. Surprised to see a little bit of eyeliner smudged underneath your eyes, you quickly grab a paper towel to dab at it.

Did I really just cry while I was on that phone call with Jesse? Christ, what the hell is wrong with me?

You nearly poke yourself in the eye from frustration and stare at your tired reflection. The only thing that wills you to leave your restroom refuge is replaying Jesse’s supportive words of encouragement.

He believes in me. Dina believes in me.

With that and a heavy exhale, you finally depart the restroom.

As you finish off the last few crunchy croutons on your plate, you watch as Abby does the same with the French dish she’d ordered that you’d never heard of and had some weird-sounding name that you can’t pronounce.

“You sure you don’t want dessert?” She asks you, setting down her spoon.

“Abby,” You say sternly. “You already wore me down into getting an actual entrée and a glass of Moscato. You are not getting me dessert too.”

“Dinner is just not complete without it!”

“That is some rich people behaviour that I will not indulge in.”

Abby laughs as you give her a half smile. In the back of your mind, you’re relieved that Abby’s evening wasn’t spoiled by your impromptu phone call and your slight shift in attitude that followed. She thankfully hadn’t noticed your fingers fiddling with your dress in your lap or your quiet but involuntary tapping of your right foot underneath the table. The more the evening progressed, the more anxious you became about the possibility of her eventually noticing your fidgeting.

After the dessert flan she’d ordered is placed in front of her, Abby takes a small bite and lets out a moan of satisfaction.

“I love me a good flan.”

“That good, huh?”

“Fucking amazing. Here, try some.”

“Oh, no. You already tried to feed me your weird ass French dish from earlier. Besides, I’m way too stuffed already.”

“All you ate was a Caesar salad!”

“It was huge! It was Olive Garden-sized!”

“Just have a bit of the flan!”

“You ordered it! I don’t wanna eat something that you ordered for yourself!”

“Come on, pretty girl. Just a bite!”

You groan at her insistence.

“You are absolutely ridiculous, Miss Anderson.”

“Completely. Now open up.”

You lean across the table as Abby meets you halfway with a piece of flan on a fork. She delicately places it on your tongue, her sky blue eyes meeting yours.

Your throat swells up with nervousness and you feel short of breath as your chest tightens. You move to sit down from how dizzy you’re getting, but your eyes widen as Abby’s thumb suddenly brushes against your jaw.

“Hang on. Some of it is dripping down.”

Abby’s tongue involuntarily sticks out as she wipes away the syrupy caramel from your chin. Your eyes widen as your lips turn a shade paler than usual.

Oh, god. Oh god oh god oh god.

“U-uhh, um, th-thanks, Abs.” You stutter as you clumsily take your seat.

“No problem,” Abby says, a corner of her lip cocking up in a half-smile. “Don’t need you all sticky.”

Your breath catches in your throat and you feel a tingle travel from the crown of your head all the way down to your heel-strapped ankles. Abby smirks slightly as she sips from her Old Fashioned, smugly leaning back into her chair.

Oh, god.

Being the natural gentlemanwoman that she is, Abby holds the door open for you as you step out of Orchards and onto the street.

“Ladies first.” She says playfully.

“Oh, stop.” You chuckle.

Abby grins as she gives the host by the podium a parting, thankful wave.

Teetering back and forth on your feet and playing with the sound of clicking your heels were making, you nervously stare up at the night sky. When you had been making your way to Orchards earlier in the evening, the sun was still descending in the west and casting a beautiful, pink hue through clusters of cumulonimbus. Now, the sky is clear of any clouds, and the moon in its waning phase along with the constellations dimly light the quiet downtown area of this college town.

Suddenly spotting a few celestial patterns that looked all too familiar from a face you’d been trying to put out of your mind all night, you tear your eyes away from the stars to meet Abby’s sky blue eyes.

“H-hey,” You hesitatingly start. “Th-thank you for tonight. This honestly was really nice.”

“Oh, yeah? I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“I really did, Abs,” You smile. “I haven’t had a nice, ritzy night like this in a while. Actually, I don’t know if I’ve ever had a really fancy night like this before.”

“That so? Might have to take you out on dates like this more often, if that’s the case.” She pauses for a second, the usual confident expression on her face fading to be replaced with one of uncertainty. “Or… well, not a date exactly—”

“Abby.” You giggle. “This was clearly a date.”

“Yeah? So you finally decided?” Abby asks, her usual swagger back.

“We got all dressed up and went to a very nice, swanky restaurant. You insisted on paying the entire bill and everything.”

“Hey, that’s what friends do.”

“Are we?” You ask, turning to completely face her.

“What?”

“Friends? Just friends?”

“Hmm…” Abby hums.

She takes you by surprise as she pulls you closer towards her by the hips. You stumble on your heels, catching yourself by your hands on her sturdy chest. You look up, meeting her bright, blue eyes that contradict that of the starry, shadowy sky. Fingers involuntarily clutching at her shirt, you gulp an anxious whimper down your tight throat.

“What do you want, pretty girl?” Abby whispers.

Your fingertips grow cold against her chest.

“I-I-I’m— I don’t—”

“Oh, hang on. Hold still.” Abby suddenly says.

Her hand comes up to your face and her long fingers gingerly brush against your nose. She pulls her hand back, clutching something in between her fingers.

“Got a loose eyelash.” She says, holding up for you to see. “Make a wish.”

You entertain her and firmly close your eyes. You try racking your brain for a wish worth making to immediately come to you, but no desire materializes.

So instead, you ask the universe for a vague, ubiquitous wish: for it to divinely and kindly lead you down the right path.

You open your eyes and softly blow the eyelash out of Abby’s fingers. You lose sight of it instantly as Abby parts her pointer and thumb to release it into the open air.

Abby brings her hand up once more, this time to caress her fingers across your cheek. Every inch of your body suddenly goes up in flames, and you’re almost surprised that Abby hasn’t retracted her hand from the pure heat of it.

“Thank you for coming out with me tonight.” She says seriously.

“O-of course, Abs.” You whisper.

“I know you’ve been hesitant about things, and I won’t pry on why—”

“It’s really gonna nothing to do with you, Abs, I promise—“

“No, no, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything to me if you don’t want to. I don’t want to push you on it.”

You swallow.

“But I just want you to know,” Abby continues. “I do like you, you know. A lot. I think you’re seriously so smart and silly and so, so stunning .”

“Abs, be serious—”

“I am.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Yeah. So if you ever wanna give me a chance, I’m right here. I’m ready for anything you want.”

You gulp.

“I-I’m not sure… not sure if you’re ready for all this. All of me and my baggage.”

She takes your face between both her hands.

“I’m ready for anything, pretty girl.”

Before you know it, Abby’s mouth is suddenly on yours, enveloping you in a kiss. It’s soft and gentle, like she’s deliberately being mindful of how she touches you.

You’d expected this the second her skin made contact with yours, but your body still reacts in complete surprise. You don’t kiss her back just yet, everything in you completely stuck in place. Your hands have an impulse to push her away, but a voice inside you begins to cry out.

Kiss her! Kiss her the fuck back! Kiss her now!

Fingers finally moving from their frozen state and grasping at her chest, you begin to kiss her back with hesitant fervour.

The second your lips begin to move with hers, her delicateness turns into zeal. Her hands fall back down to your hips, wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling you even closer. You can feel her heartbeat pounding next to yours, drums sounding together unsynchronized but thundering. You let out a sudden and soft moan, and Abby deepens the kiss.

She parts her mouth slowly and you feel her tongue against your teeth. You whimper when she starts to suck on your bottom lip as a hand comes up to clutch your hair. As you wrap your arms around her neck, you open your mouth slightly to invite her in further.

After what feels like hours of you two intimately intertwined, you break the kiss to catch a much-needed breath.

You open your eyes to meet Abby’s sky blue ones, even brighter than they were before. Her smile is wider than you’ve ever seen it, emanating a radiant glow.

“Th-that was…” She began.

“Y-y…” You try to say, but you can’t seem to find your voice.

Her hand brushes against your cheek once more as you feel your throat begin to close up once more.

W-wait. My throat. It’s actually—

Before you can muster any words, you feel your breathing stop completely and the entire world suddenly goes black.

author’s notes:

BELLE FINALLY POSTING AFTER MONTHS OF NO NCTY?! A MIRACLE

thank you for bearing with me during these past couple of months. i know many of y'all have been waiting very patiently, and i hope this chapter was worth the wait!

in true belle fashion, orchards is named after a restaurant that already exists in the games

reader's ellie box is totally not inspired exactly by the box i used to have for my ex-girlfriend, described exactly the same way and contained a whole bunch of stuff like the tickets from when we went to moma and the playbill when we went to see waitress on broadway....

mentions of daisies is because they symbolize innocence (also one of my fave students is named daisy)

ahhh sploofs. such flashbacks to when i lived with live-in ex at her dormitory in college. those were so annoying to make.

reader's love for writing handwritten letter is inspired by my own love for it. i write my friends letters all the time and seal them with cute wax seals. i have like, at least 15 different wax seals and i love them all. yes i do have a fern wax seal too. also reader has a sunflower seal bc it is my fave flower

reader's dress is purple for symbolism cause purple sometimes represents anxiety which... mood

the truffle tots are just a fun little reference to these truffle tots that my live-in ex and i get every time we go to this one gay bar, that shit is so fucking good

more of reader and ellie's relationship bc i love jesse but also i think a show of a healthy, platonic relationship between a lesbian and a straight man is important

jesse's line about never dying is a little heehee reference to the game obvi but also him saying that no man can kill him is like that lord of the rings line where eowyn says "i am no man" cause abby is obviously a woman lol

abby is eating flan bc i love flan (leche flan to be exact)

heehee leave some theories in the notes or in y'all's tags on what happened to reader at the end

love y'all so so much. chapter 13 is mostly written so stay tuned for an upcoming update very soon...

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @ valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn, @uraesthete

@ softbunlvr, @cherriesxinthespring, @amitycat, @thefishymissy, @yevheniiaaaa, @machetegirl109, @bertandfearnie, @ximtiredx, @efam, @ elliesnumber1gf, @digit4lslut, @ tayyyystan, @emothurman

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@awyunh, @kenz-ee, @marvelwomen-simp, @eleactric, @simpforellie, @jade-posts-sometimes, @ anxiouso, @nyrastar, @lillysbigwilly, @hopeless-y, @elliesbabygirl

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please note that i am no longer accepting requests to be added to the taglist, so if you would like to be notified when a new chapter comes out, please follow @belleloves and turn notifications on!

#nobody compares to you series #ellie williams #dealer!ellie #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #the last of us #tlou #the last of us part 2 #tlou2 #ellie fanfiction #belle speaks #v #belle writes

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wttcsms · 1 year

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it always leads to you ; sae itoshi

pairing sae itoshi x f!reader word count 2.4k synopsis 5 times you can't escape the memory of sae + the 1 time he comes back. content contains ex boyfriend sae, attempts at moving on, second chances author's notes this serves as a prologue to my new mini multipart series here but could be read as a stand alone one shot <3

zero.

Sae Itoshi breaks up with you five days before graduation, which is also six days before he hops onto a plane to an entirely different continent, and it’s seven days before your second anniversary.

The worst part of it all, though, is that even across the world, you can’t seem to escape him.

one.

Smartphones, you discover, for all their artificial intelligence, still can’t keep up with the intricacies of human relationships.

At least, that’s how it feels.

It’s been seven days since graduation, six days since he left the country, and five days ago, you were supposed to be celebrating your anniversary with him. A week. It’s been a week since Sae reverted back to Itoshi, a week since you’ve practically ignored every invitation from your former classmates (his friends before they were ever really yours) to hang out, and a week since you last texted him.

Still, when you swipe through your phone, thumb hitting the search bar, your eyes flicker down to SIRI SUGGESTIONS.

Send a message to sae🫶🏻.

You turn off your phone after that.

two.

You’re still number one best friends on Snapchat. It shouldn’t mean that much to you, but it does. It’s been one month since Sae left, leaving you, his little brother, and maybe everything else in Japan tying him down, behind.

He’s still at the top of your best friends list, still the only one with the special emoji next to his user that signifies his status, still the common denominator in every single one of your Snap memories.

You wonder if you should delete your entire account; start fresh, maybe.

(You don’t, though. It’s too much of a hassle, is what you tell yourself. What you know and don’t need to bother to say is that you’re scared he won’t be able to find you in case he needs you, and you’re still not ready to give up any scraps of Sae you have left of him, and you must be delusional because there’s a part of you that holds out hope that he’ll want you back because you’re still number one best friends — he hasn’t been Snapping anyone else.)

three.

You run into his mom at the grocery store.

You’re not sure how to react at first. All you know is that you see her before she sees you, and in that split-second, you had the opportunity to run as fast as you could, but you didn’t.

You’re not sure why. You can blame it on shock, or fear, or even admit that a small part of you craved an interaction with her because, by extension and some sort of delusional logic, connecting with her would be like connecting with Sae.

She smiles at you, and your feet are firmly planted on the too-shiny tiles of this supermarket, and the shelves full of instant rice are closing in on you ‘til the world feels so small and all that’s left is just you and her and the tantalizing spirit of Sae.

He takes after her more than he does his father. Growing up, he didn’t like hearing the adults say oh, you look just like your mother! because he’s a boy, and no boy wants to hear that. It’s the truth, though. When you originally spotted her, it was her distinct reddish-brown hair that caught your attention. It’s the same shade she passed down to Sae, and seeing the familiar color up close shouldn’t cause your throat to close up and to give your stomach nervous flutters, but it does.

“[Name]!” She gives you one of her gentle smiles, and the warmth of it seems to unfreeze you. You can move freely now, and you choose to smile back at her. You’re not sure if she knows that her son broke your heart and that he did it so coldly and clinically, with the precision of a surgeon. Without feeling or remorse. You don’t know how to react properly when she closes the distance between you two to give you a hug, one that doesn’t indicate that she’s going to treat you like her son’s ex.

You return the hug, of course, but when she pulls back to speak, you know that you should have just avoided her when you had the chance.

“How are you doing with Sae’s move to Spain? You haven’t come by the house in a while. I hope you know that I miss having a daughter around.” Her soft laugh does something cruel to your soul. He didn’t tell her, then. She doesn’t know. You wonder if he maybe left that responsibility to you, if crushing his mother’s spirit was a burden he personally chose you to bear. You never knew he had such a mean streak in him.

“Sorry, Mrs. Itoshi.” The words taste bitter on your tongue, and you think the polite smile you give her is more of a grimace. “Your son and I…” Aren’t together. Broke up. No longer on speaking terms.

You can’t even say his name, and you can’t admit the truth, and luckily enough, she was once a teenage girl too.

“I see.” She says, and you wish she says it coldly. You wish she would view you as a stranger, so that way the split would feel more real. Instead, she’s telling you that you’re still welcome to visit their household any time you want. You know she’s not extending this invitation to be nice; she genuinely wants you to come by, and that only makes you feel worse.

four.

On the eve before you leave for college, your graduating class hosts a bonfire party on the beach. You originally don’t want to attend, but you know that being antisocial for the rest of your youth would ultimately do more harm than good.

Almost no underclassmen are present, so you’re surprised that when you look up after hearing the sound of footsteps approaching, it’s Rin that’s standing near you.

Rin’s always been a little more awkward than his older brother. It’s endearing, in a way that all little brothers happen to be when you love them. Without your tie to Sae, though, you know that you can’t adopt Rin as your own sibling anymore, and you two haven’t even spoken since the breakup.

“Congratulations on your graduation and getting into UTokyo.”

“Thanks.” You smile at him, but you’re a bit confused as to why he showed up to a party just to congratulate you. Rin’s never been the type to attend parties, and you hope that he isn’t trying to get into any trouble with Sae’s brotherly guidance now gone.

“Have you heard from Sae after he left?”

Sae’s always harbored a soft spot for Rin; this you know for a fact. Rin sounding dejected at the mention of his brother only adds to your confusion.

“Um, no. We don’t really talk anymore, actually.”

Admitting this out loud now doesn’t hurt nearly as much as admitting it a few weeks ago did, so clearly you have some “healthy” progress going on. At this rate, maybe you’ll even be able to stomach the action of deleting his phone number.

“Oh.” And then a minute later, Rin is sitting cross-legged in the sand next to you, two feet of space separating you both. “He doesn’t really talk to me anymore, either.”

Oh, great. Now you’re basically having a pity party with your ex’s younger brother, and you two are probably about to have a good cry session about how he essentially abandoned you both. Who would have thought that rock bottom had a basement?

You don’t know what to say in reply, so you don’t say anything at all, and the two of you just sit in silence, staring at the sun setting over the sea. Thirty minutes into the party, you couldn’t even fathom why you wanted to force yourself to endure social interaction with people you have no true relationship with, and you snuck off to the edge of the beach to just be alone with your thoughts.

“Sae really likes the sea.” Rin breaks the silence once more. “I heard him talking to our parents when he called last week. He says the water in Spain is beautiful, and it makes him feel at home.”

This beach is where he asked you to be his girlfriend. The moment your toes touched the sand, you were transported back to simpler times, where Sae was still Sae, and you were happy. He brought you here on your last anniversary (maybe it’s best to start realizing that it’ll be your only anniversary with him), and you sat in this same position with him, watching the sun set over the sea, basking in the bliss of young love. You suppose that back then, you really liked the sea, too.

five.

Everyone has a type, you suppose. A preference for when it comes to selecting a partner.

You’re still young and woefully inexperienced, but you’re a pretty, single girl on a college campus full of cute, single boys. The possibilities are endless.

So what are the odds that when you finally sit down on a dinner date with one of your classmates (your first date after Sae), and the two of you are doing the obligatory “get to know each other” first date icebreakers, your date tells you:

“I’m actually here on a soccer scholarship.”

It shouldn’t affect you the way it does. It’s been nearly two months, after all. Soccer isn’t a sport exclusive to just Sae. Lots of people play the damn sport. It’s a fucking international sport, and a popular one, at that.

“Oh! That’s cool!” You’re lying through your teeth, and your date can’t tell. And you shouldn’t hate him for it; he doesn’t know you, and he’s known you only from the first two lectures you two sat next to each other for. You know it’s absolutely unhealthy and probably unhinged to start comparing him to Sae, but you can’t help it. It’s like once the word “soccer” left his lips, he summoned the ghost of Sae, and his presence is now haunting you. He’s standing behind your date, and you can see Sae clear as day, maybe even better than you can see your classmate, and he’s shaking his head as if to say is this really the best you could do after me?

And you hate your date, and yourself, and Sae, and you know it’s bad. You know that you should have moved on by now, but it’s like he cursed you. As if everything in this world somehow has a connection to Sae, and it doesn’t make any sense, but sometimes it does because for a brief moment, Sae was the whole world to you.

six.

You’re back in your childhood home for the long weekend. Your parents are ecstatic to have you back, and it feels good to be back in your hometown and sleeping in your own bed. College has done wonders for you, and maybe being in Tokyo has helped you heal. Everything is new and shiny there, and best of all, everything in that city has thankfully been left untouched by Sae.

There’s a cute boy that shares mutual classes and friends with you, and your best friend, Cami, keeps hinting that he’s going to ask you out soon, and you can’t help but tell her that if he does, you’ll gladly say yes.

You think he’s going to mention something about wanting to take you out judging by the texts he’s been sending you ever since you’ve got back home, and you’re too focused giggling at your screen to even bother to check who’s knocking on your front door. All you do is open it, looking up briefly to see who it is, only to nearly drop your phone once you realize who’s standing on your front porch.

Sae Itoshi is standing right in front of you. In the flesh. Not some figment of your imagination or a hyper-realistic delusional daydream. You know it’s him because you would have never anticipated him finally finding a haircut that suits his features. He looks leaner than before, angular features of his face now more defined, sharper. His cheeks have slightly hollowed out, and maybe you’re just projecting onto him when you think he looks more tired now than he ever did before.

Your phone vibrates, signaling that you’ve gotten a text back, but you can’t focus on anything but Sae. There are a million different scenarios that have played through your head whenever you daydreamed about what would happen should you ever come face to face with him. There is nothing in your head now.

“Hey,” he says, with a nonchalant audacity only a truly cocky bastard could pull off. The first thing he says after breaking your heart and leaving you in ruins is hey. In your head, you know you deserve better. Your heart, however, practically jumps at the sound of his voice, like a dog reuniting with its owner that’s been away from home for years. It doesn’t matter what he does or says: a small part of you, maybe all the parts that matter most, will always be fulfilled with having Sae’s attention.

“Can I come in?”

While trying to move on from Sae, you realize that leaving yourself ready to invite him back into your heart is essentially like leaving the front door of your house unlocked for him, because even though you know you’ve given him a key, you also know that he’s most likely forgotten he has it. It’s why you could never truly form any romantic attachments to anybody else; you were still too busy trying to leave yourself open for him.

Now, in this moment, you finally have a chance to finally be rid of him for good. You have the opportunity to get the final word in. You can slam the door in his face, and he will never have the chance to be let in again because even if he holds the key, the locks have changed.

That chance evaporates the moment you move away from the entrance, inviting him back in, and telling him,

“Of course.”

#sae itoshi x reader #sae itoshi #sae itoshi x you #bllk x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x reader #sae itoshi angst #one shot #drabble #series: it always leads to you

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katewritesthings · 9 months

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Love Me Like I Can - Prologue// Introductions

This is just prologue to test interest. Most of Diana's songs are by the artist JoJo. ( For the song Joanna, just pretend it's Diana)

pairing: Joe Burrow x Singer! Original Female Character

•summary: Inspired by Scandoval and Taylor/Travis. R&B singer Diana Hayes navigates falling in love after a cheating scandal captures the attention of America and a certain Bengal.

•warnings: Cursing. Cheating. Sexual Situations. Drinking. Drug use. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Prologue // Introductions

October 18, 2023

Finding out was a complete accident. Diana was not the type of person that had the unquenchable curiosity for what is on their partner’s phone. In hindsight, maybe she should have paid even a bit of attention to Connor’s. Maybe the revelation wouldn’t have blindsided her, hitting her like a ton of bricks.

Every step that led to her finding out was motivated by trying to support Connor. His band, Bedford Scrolls, had just finished playing their final show of tour in their hometown of Boston and she was trying to get the best videos and pictures she could of him playing his bass. The entire tour was being documented on the reality show that the band starred in, but Connor always liked personal videos he could post on TikTok. She opened his camera roll to see if the pictures she took turned out the way she wanted when she scrolled one picture too far. The rage of betrayal washed over Diana as her stomach hit the ground. She was staring directly at her best friend’s bare chest. On the phone that belonged to her boyfriend of seven years. Unable to completely process the situation at hand with the screaming of the crowd surrounding her, Diana opened the camera roll to the grid revealing the pictures that Connor had taken in the past three months. There were numerous pictures of Hannah in various states of undress peppered in between the pictures of Diana In a flash, she began selecting all of the photos that didn’t contain nudity and AirDropped them to herself while trying to navigate herself back to Connor’s dressing room.

After she felt the buzz of confirmation from her own phone in her pocket, Diana opened Connor’s phone app and dialed Hannah’s number. If the show had just ended that meant that the traitor was currently at the band’s hotel. With a huff, Diana mentally cursed herself for getting Hannah put on the band’s payroll. “Hey, baby! I thought you’d still be on stage!” The familiar voice of her best friend hit her ears as she navigated backstage to slam open the door to the green room. Connor and his three bandmates were freshening up while a few other friends lounged about.

“How long have the two of you been the absolute scum of the earth,” Diana heard her own voice sneer. The question captured the attention of the entire room she had just entered and silenced the woman on the other end of the phone.

Miles, the band’s lead singer, looked like he was about to open his mouth to ask for clarification for the whole room before Connor cut him off.

“Let’s not do this here, Di. Let’s go somewhere to talk about this in private. You don’t want to embarrass yourself,” he said, voice even and calmer than he should be. Diana saw red, knowing what he was attempting to do. Connor had a habit of wanting to paint their relationship as picture-perfect, he wanted to do damage control and convince her to let this go. Unfortunately, this was not a random girl in Miami like at the beginning of their relationship. This was a new level of betrayal.

“Fuck that, Connor. What’s embarrassing is knowing that I thought you were good enough for me. Let everyone know how you’ve got more naked pictures of Hannah on your phone than I could count,”

Gasps and sounds of shock almost drowned out the sound of Hannah ending the call. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back to Diana. She felt like her throat was closing up as she began to process what this meant for her. Not only did this change everything when it came to her personal life, it was going to cause huge issues in her professional life.

Diana had been in the industry since she was 14 and nominated for her first Grammy. Even as a young teenager, there was a soulful warmth in her voice that combined with her range led to her first album winning Best Contemporary R&B album in 2012. Her career continued to steadily climb over the next few years as she dabbled in acting and released three more albums in 2014, 2016, and 2018, but she had never felt the security of someone on a bigger label. It had been almost six years since she had released music and that was supposed to be coming to an end.

Diana had been planning on recording her third album after Bedford Scrolls’ tour and recording of Band Together had finished filming. Connor’s manager had promised her that if she went on tour with them and was featured in the season, it would drum up attention for the announcement of her return to music. He had talked her into signing a contract to appear in at least six episodes this season and the reunion. He even hinted at the possibility that she could use the networking to secure a documentary about making the album.

All Diana could think about at the moment was how all of that was now a pipe dream. In her anger, she threw Connor’s phone across the room and let her phone carry her to the back exit of the venue. Emotions were swirling through her head and the thought of the material she had worked on about and with Connor now made her sick. She was going to have to start over, but couldn’t until the reunion was filmed in mid-November.

—-

OCTOBER 20, 2023

DIANA AND CONNOR CALL IT QUITS! ALLEGATIONS HE CHEATED WITH.. HANNAH MALONEY!!

Musicians and stars of the reality show Band Together, CONNOR LEWIS and DIANA Hayes are officially no more, representatives for the pair have confirmed to TMZ.

After seven years, the couple has reportedly decided to go their separate ways. As surprising as this news is, it’s not nearly as shocking as news that Connor is rumored to have an affair with cast member, employee, and friend Hannah Maloney.

The Show Band Together follows the musical career of Connor’s band Bedford Scrolls as they navigate the messy life of music from writing to touring. Diana has been featured occasionally on the show in past seasons but was heavily featured in the trailer for Season 3 which premiered October 8. Hannah is a close friend of Diana’s who eventually became an assistant for Bedford Scrolls and is also featured on the show.

In the promo for Season 3, it was suggested that Connor and Diana were in an open relationship. This rumor was quickly shut down when Diana shared the promo to her Instagram stories with the caption “I’m not that cool. Bisexual =/= polyamory”

Show sources let TMZ know that the break up was recent as the couple has been seen together at tour dates for Bedford Scrolls as recently as Wednesday. Fans also report this as they say that Diana was Connor’s biggest fan at the final show of the tour, but left the venue alone in tears in a cab shortly after the set ended.

—--

October 29, 2023

DIANA SEEN OUT SWIFTLY AFTER SPLIT WITH EX, CONNOR

Edibles singer DIANA HAYES was spotted in NYC, leaving Electric Lady studios this morning. This is the first public sighting of Diana since news broke of her split with ex-CONNOR LEWIS.

Last week TMZ reported that the couple split after Connor had an affair with Diana’s best friend, HANNAH MALONEY. Cast members of the reality show Band Together, and bandmates of Connor, have seemingly confirmed this by posting pictures of them with Diana in support. The hashtag #TeamDiana was trending for most of last week.

Sources close to Diana inform us that she has been staying at a rental in New York and has been offered support from big names such as Taylor Swift and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and even romantic offers from bachelors such as Drake.

Eagle-eyed fans are curious to see how this drama unfolds in this season of Band Together. Click here to catch up on this season of Band Together, airing now!

—----

November 28, 2023

@DianaMusic: Wow. Where to start?

First of all: Thank you all so much to for the outpouring of love and positivity you have sent my way over the past few weeks. Without the support I have gotten I would not have even been able to process the insanity that has happened, but with your care, I was able to throw myself into healing creatively. With this healing journey comes some good news and the bad news.

First, this will be my last season of Band Together.

More importantly, over the past few weeks, I have been processing through creating. This means I have recorded 4 new songs to put on an EP called, “Run” that will be released at midnight. It has been so long since I have released new music into the world that I began to question whether I had anything left to say, but now I do. This EP is just a taster of what is to come next year and I cannot wait to grow and heal with you all.

What didn’t kill me better run. Liked by joeyb_9, conlew, and 1,423,798 others

VIew Comments.....

@taylorswift13: So proud of you! @IslaNg: They better fucking run! @hallebailey: This EP is about to be my personality

—---

RUN.

Diana

Anxiety (Burlinda’s Theme)

Dissolve

Man

—--

December 29, 2023

The past three months had been a whirlwind for Diana. After the revelation that Connor had cheated on her, she immediately threw herself into writing new songs. Before her flight from Boston to New York landed she had already written two of the four songs on her new EP. Diana and Anxiety were the outcomes of her mind working on overdrive about how the public was going to perceive the breakup.

Realistically, Diana knew that there would be people who blamed her, that’s just part of being a woman. Unrealistically, she was convinced that the public would take Connor’s side due to her unofficial hiatus from the public consciousness. Bedford Scrolls released their last album in September and had been touring and promoting constantly since.

What the songwriter didn’t expect was for scandal to take the nation by storm in her favor. The nation tuned in every week to watch Band Together in hopes that they find clues of the affair in the season. As the episodes aired, it became clear that Diana was a devoted supporter of Conno meanwhile he took the chance to insult her every time she wasn’t in a scene. The footage broke Diana’s heart and ignited a vitriol for Connor like never seen before. Even Connor’s bandmates only spoke to him to berate him at the reunion for the reality show

The finale for the show had aired Sunday and it had been the only episode, bar the reunion that had been filmed after Diana had ended her relationship. She had never seen support like the outpouring of comments left when people watched as she asked Connor if he ever really loved her at all. Some fans had even correctly theorized that she had written Dissovle after filming had ended that day.

Diana had taken her new friend Taylor’s advice when she reached out and had booked as many performances as possible so she could turn the attention back to her career. She knew it was opportunistic, but after what Connor and Hannah did to her, Taylor reassured her that she deserved to secure her own future with the publicity.

Diana had just finished singing acoustic versions of Dissolve and Man as the intro to a funk cover of “Any Man of Mine” by Shania Twain began to play. “I decided to do this song because I recently realized that it’s not selfish to want your partner to please you or be dedicated to only you… Here goes.”

—-------

DECEMBER 31, 2023

REUNION SECRETS REVEALED

Last night, the reunion of Band Together aired and exposed much more about the affair of CONNOR LEWIS and HANNAH MALONEY than we previously knew.

Isla, the drummer for Bedford Scrolls, posted on their instagram stories earlier this week defending their support of DIANA over their own bandmate Connor, saying: “You’ll see guys, some shit comes out at the reunion. Like, we found out shit we had no clue about and some stuff that was said that was absolutely heinous. As a human, it would be hard not to take Diana’s side after watching.”

After watching the reunion, it is clear what Isla was talking about. Diana, Connor, and Hannah were all in the same room for the interview where Hannah admitted the affair had been happening for almost a year.

Things only got more heated from there as the host Andy Cohen asked Hannah why she loved and believed she could trust Connor. Hannah answered with a sexually explicit answer saying, “Connor and I are in love in such a deep way, it’s different than their relationship. He wouldn’t even go down on Diana and he’ll eat me any chance he got.”

If that weren’t enough fuel to the fire, Connor had to be removed from the stage for his safety after saying something under his breath that fans believe to have been, “Could you blame me, who wants to go down on a redhead?” because Miles and the guitarist, Zach, had gotten him into a headlock.

Fans are speculating that this might be the end of Bedford Scrolls as we know it.

—---

JANUARY 1, 2024

Diana was doing her best to try to avoid every bit of media she could for as long into the New Year as possible. It turned out, as long as possible ended up being 3 PM. Biz, Diana’s sister had burst through the AirBNB bedroom door tha Diana was currently holed up in, trying to smoke a bowl watch the newest episode of the new Percy Jackson.

“Did you see the Cheifs vs Bengals game yesterday,” the younger girl excitedly shrieked as she dramatically flopped herself on the bed next to her sister. “Uhm, is this an alternate universe? When have you ever seen me watch a sporting that I didn’t sing at” Diana shot her sister a look of confusion and taking a hit from her glass pipe.

“Because! Your name came up, watch this video!” Biz excitedly thrust her phone into her sister's hand.

The sound of her own voice was audible in the background of the video as a player with the number 1 on their jersey was being interviewed.

“I see you all are fans of Diana,” the interviewer joked as a player with a wrist splint in the background was seen in the background mouthing the words to “Man.”

“Yeah, we Team Diana in this locker room!” The player said laughing.

“Oh, yeah? Is her music on a lot in the locker room?”

“Not like we have a choice though, with how obsessed Joe is,” the player let out another laugh pointing at the injured player in the background. Chuckles from nearby players were heard. “Shut up, Ja’Marr,” the injured man, presumably Joe shouted from the back.

“All I’m saying is you kept saying this song was about you when you first heard it,” Ja’Marr called back over his shoulder. “Diana if you’re watching this: Hit up my boy Joey B! He ain’t afraid to e-” The video was cut off as Ja’Marr was put in a headlock by Joe.

Diana stared at her sister’s phone, uncertain who or what she just witnessed, waiting for an explanation. When none came, she looked up to find Biz’s expectant face looking hopefully back at her.

“So?” the brunette questioned, “Are you going to do it?!”

“Do what? I don’t even know what I just watched,” Diana stated, still confused.

“You just watched Ja’Marr Chase ask you to hit up one of the most thirsted-after quarterbacks ever: Joe Burrow, and imply that said quarterback would like to get freaky with you,” Biz explained. “You have to respond.”

Diana’s cheeks filled with warmth as she mentally replayed the video in her head. She had no idea who this person was, but she had to admit he was attractive. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have her agent try to reach out for his phone number. ===== Next Chapter.

#joe burrow #joe burrow fic #joe burrow fan fic #joe burrow imagine #joey b #joe burrow x oc #joe burrow x singer!oc #joe burrow series #joe burrow story

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queenshelby · 1 year

Text

Yes! Mr Murphy (Rewritten)

PART FIVE: NUDES

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Angst, Age Gap, Teacher x Student, Mentions of Depression, Anxiety

PLEASE COMMENT AND ENGAGE!

A few more days had passed and, even though you saw Cillian every day at school, the situation between you had not changed.

You tried to keep your distance from each other and, again, he never called you out to answer any questions which, at least to James, seemed strange.

On several occasions, he asked whether Cillian was intimidated by you and, of course, this comment itself amused you.

“Why would he be intimidated by me? I am his student” you explained which is when James put the lack of interaction between Cillian and you down to the fact that you were doing well in his course. Perhaps, Cillian did not have to call you out because he knew that you knew the answers to his questions.

Despite your lack of interaction with each other though, quite often, you noticed Cillian glance at you in a very unconventional way. It was almost like he was day-dreaming about you and you enjoyed this kind of inadvertent attention from him. It was a fixation and desire of some sort, which was undeniable for you both and it made you feel wanted and desirable.

Unfortunately for you though, his interest in you grew to a point where he noticed everything, but not in the way you had expected. He noticed the changes in your behaviour when you were around him and he noticed that, during the past few days, you had been standing up to James who, as usual, was criticising you for not wanting to go out partying with him.

Then, on Tuesday morning, when you arrived at school, Cillian also unfortunately noticed some bruises on your face and wrists which, despite your best efforts to hide them, you could not.

You had already taken a day off because of them but, since you needed to comply with your scholarship conditions, another day of leave was not an option for you without a medical certificate.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Cillian thus asked pretty much as soon you walked into the lecture hall before anyone else had even arrived yet. You had ballet practice at seven o’clock that morning and were early as usual.

“Nothing, I just fell” you lied, not wanting to tell him the truth.

“You fell? How?” he enquired, not believing a word you had just said to him.

“When dancing. Don’t worry. I am fine” you reassured him while, the truth was, that you were far from being fine. You were hurt, upset and scared.

The bruises were not the result of an accident during your routine at all but rather the wilful act of your very own boyfriend. It was not the first time he had done this and you knew that it would not be the last. James had hit you in a drunken state after he found out that, during the break you took from each other, you slept with another man.

Whilst he did not know who the man was, he knew that he was much older than you and this bothered him. It was something your friend Lorraine had told him after Lorraine and you had a fight the day prior. She thus broke your trust and her promise to secrecy, accusing you of getting involved with a stranger at a bar who was twice your age.

With that knowledge, and in a rather drunken state, James did the unthinkable to you. He hit you across the face and called you a whore before threatening you if you ever thought to leave him again.

“I am not an idiot Y/N. I know what these bruises are. They aren’t the result of an accident” Cillian told you but you did not want to talk about it any further.

“Please Cillian. I am fine. This is none of your business” you told him but Cillian would not let it go.

“James did this to you, didn’t he?” he asked, causing you to sigh. “You need to report him” he then went on to say, but you shook your head.

“No. I can’t. You wouldn’t understand” you said just before a few students walked into the room, interrupting your private conversation.

“Let’s talk later, alright?” Cillian then asked and you nodded before getting yourself another coffee from the cafeteria.

Two hours later…

While Cillian thought about you and pondered about what happened between you and James and why, after all this, you would be staying with him, he knew that he had to concentrate on class. He had to focus and put his mind at ease which, in the end, he did.

He continued with the curriculum as planned and literally none of the students were prepared for what he had in store for them that day, including you.

“Now that everyone has been assigned an individualised role to work on with me in a one on one lesson, we will also be working on a character role in a group scenario. Every student will perform the exact same scene and I can tell you that it will be a challenging one” Cillian said to the class as he was introducing a new play to his lessons.

“You will each be given a partner to act out this scene and the point of this exercise is for you to learn how to improvise on stage. You will each only get thirty minutes to rehearse and this means that, whilst you need to try and remember your lines in a short amount of time, I do not care much about how accurate your repetition of the lines is when you are in front of an audience. So long as you play the part and improvise, you will be fine…alright….” Cillian went on to say before explaining that, in the end of your subject, and after you have been assessed on both performances separately, namely this one and your individualised one, you will be writing an essay, comparing both roles and experiences.

“Does this make sense guys?” Cillian then asked and, after everyone nodded, he carried on.

“Good. Now, since we have an uneven number of students in this class, I will be participating too and, unfortunately for the person paired with me, we will be going first” Cillian announced before asking Lorraine to come up and assist him with the drawing of names, noting that the couples were to be selected at random from a large plastic bowl filled with snippets of paper, each containing one name.

“Yes, of course, Mr Murphy, but only if I can role play with you“ Lorraine teased in the most seductive way possible, causing you to cringe and Cillian to furrow his eyebrows.

“Trust me Lorraine, you don’t want me as your partner for this exercise. It will be much easier with a fellow student” Cillian told her almost sternly, but she would not relent.

“Well, doesn’t that depend on the kind of exercise and role play you want us to partake in? I mean, none of us know what the scene will be yet and, for all I know, it could be rather kinky” Lorraine then joked but Cillian did not appear to be amused.

“Moving on…” Cillian thus gestured and, with that, Lorraine adjusted her tight skirt and walked up towards Cillian in order to help him with the draw.

Unlike her, you hoped that your name would be drawn with someone other than Cillian (or James for that matter) and, when you heard James’s name come up first, your heart began to pound rapidly. He was your boyfriend, yes, but he was also a terrible actor who, just two days ago, had hit you across the face, causing you to break up with him once more. Plus, he most certainly did not take this unit seriously and this, too, bothered you more than a little considering the effort you had put into your education.

Luckily for you however, and unfortunately for Lorraine, she was paired with James as her name was called out second in line and even Cillian’s sense of relief was obvious to you when Lorraine pulled her own name from the hat. He was becoming annoyed by her constant sexual advances towards him and so was the remainder of the class. They were appalled and, ever since your fight, her behaviour had gotten worse.

Then, a few more names were called out until, eventually, your name was drawn and written on to the chalk board by Cillian.

“And Y/N will be paired with…” Lorraine began to say after discarding the piece of paper with your name on it and reaching for another.

She unfolded it slowly and then sighed with frustration. “Cillian” she sighed and your heart sank into the ground. Ideally, you wanted to request a redraw but you knew that, if you were to request such redraw, you would be looking like a fool. So, you remained silent until all the names had been drawn.

“Great, now teams, you have thirty minutes to learn and rehearse your lines and, if you forget some of them, don’t worry. The play is a difficult one and I want to see you come up with some improvisation skills on stage. This is what acting is all about” Cillian explained and, when you read through the script he had handed out to you and the rest of the class, you realised that this was a play you were familiar with. You had read it before, more than once. It was a piece that fascinated you. It was one of your favourites and made you smile.

The play was called “Yerma” and had been written by the Spanish dramatist Federico García Lorca. It was written in 1934 and first performed that same year. It was a tragic poem in which a woman by the name of Yerma had to deal with the inability to conceive a child with her husband Juan, in this case portrayed by Cillian, after he had prompted you take on the role of Yerma herself.

Since the play was dealing with the themes of infertility, isolation, passion, and frustration, you knew that your character was a difficult one to portray. It was all about showing Yerma’s emotions while taking into account the underlying themes of nature, marriage, jealousy, and friendship.

It was intense and you knew that acting this scene out with Cillian could become somewhat problematic.

“How is this not going to be awkward?” you whispered to him as, just like the others, Cillian approached you and sat down with you, one on one, to rehearse your lines.

“It won’t be if you just focus on your character, I promise” Cillian then said reassuringly and, much to his surprise, you turned over the script and began raddling down the lines.

The act he had chosen was the final act of the play where Yerma kills her husband and you already knew how it panned out.

“You know the lines?” Cillian asked surprised as you spoke them quickly, causing you to nod.

“I read that play over and over again a few years ago when I was going through some things. It is an amazing piece of writing and it is one of my favourite plays” you told him and he was clearly impressed by the fact that you knew about it.

“Did you ever see it being performed?” Cillian then asked and you nodded again.

“Yes. But only through a stream online” you told him while you already knew what he was about to say next. He wanted you to show your emotions, in front of the entire class and you were afraid to do so.

“Right, then put some emotion into your performance Y/N. You can do it. I know you can” Cillian reassured you and you tried it again, and again until, eventually, you got there in the end and he pulled you up on stage.

Of course, just as you were standing in front of the class with him, your nervousness sat in and when you heard James and Lorraine giggle in the background, you felt sick to the core and immediately forgot your very first line.

“Breathe and forget about them. I can hear them too, but I choose to ignore them. You can do it too” Cillian whispered so that only you could hear him before addressing the class once more, asking them to be quiet while you performed this scene with him.

The scene began near a hermitage high in the mountains, a place to which many barren women, including Yerma, had made a pilgrimage. Young men were there too, hoping to father a child or to win a woman away from their husbands and your respective dialogues began just after an old woman told your character Yerma to leave her husband Juan and take up a relationship with her son instead.

But, in this scene, Yerma held on to her sense of honour and dismissed that thought which was something her husband Juan overheard. Juan then told his wife to give up wanting a child and to be content with what she had.

***Start of Scene***

Cillian: This is your last chance to resist this continual lament for shadowy things, outside existence, for things that are lost in the breeze.

Y/N (with dramatic astonishment): Outside existence you say? Lost in the breeze, you say?

Cillian: Things which haven’t happened and neither you nor I can control.

Y/N (violently and filled with anger): Go on, go on!

Cillian (emotionally and upset): For things that don’t’ matter. Do you hear? That have no importance to me. That’s what I had to say to you. What matters to me is what I can hold in my hands, what I can see with my eyes.

Y/N (falling to her knees, desperately): That’s it. That’s it. That’s what I wanted to hear from your mouth. Truth is not felt when it’s inside oneself, but how vast it is, how loud it cries, when it emerges, and raises its arms! It’s doesn’t matter! Now, I’ve heard you!

Cillian (approaching you and embracing you in order to help you rise): Think that it had to be so. Listen to me. Many women would be happy to live your life. Life is sweeter without children. I’m happy without them. It’s not your fault.

Y/N: What did you seek in me, then?

Cillian: Yourself.

Y/N (excitedly): You wanted a home, tranquillity and a woman. But nothing more. Is that true?

Cillian: It’s true. As everyone else does.

Y/N: And the rest? Your son?

Cillian (firmly): Didn’t you hear, it doesn’t matter! Don’t ask me again! Do I have to shout it in your ear so you can understand, and live peacefully for once!

Y/N (pulling Cillian onto the ground): And you’ve never thought about it even when you could see I wanted one?

Cillian: Never.

Y/N: I’m not to hope for one?

Cillian (before embracing you): No. But we shall be living peacefully. Both of us: in gentleness and friendship. Embrace me!

Y/N: What do you want?

Cillian: I want you. In the moonlight you are beautiful.

Y/N (crying): You want me as if you were wanting a pigeon to eat.

Cillian: Kiss me…like this.

Y/N (before grasping Cillian by his throat and acting out his death and then your own): No! Never! I’ll sleep, without waking with a start to see if my blood announces new blood. With a body barren forever.

Y/N (addressing the audience in tears): What do you want? Don’t come near me: because I’ve murdered my child! I’ve killed my own son!

***End of Scene***

Just as you finished the scene with only some minor improvisation on your part, Cillian glanced at you with surprise. The way you portrayed Yerma was incredible and it took you a little moment to snap out of your character again.

You were well and truly surprised by your own abilities and, for a short moment, you were lost for words until reality sank back in and you heard them again.

James and Lorraine were giggling still while Cillian addressed the class and thanked you for your performance.

“Jesus Christ Y/N! This was intense. I am surprised you didn’t just make out with our lecturer on stage. So inappropriate” Lorraine teased, causing James too laugh. “I would call this sexual harassment Mr Murphy” he said, trying to annoy you and causing Cillian to cock an eyebrow.

“Do you guys have anything of value to add, perhaps? Because, if you do not, then I would like to move on without any further interruptions from you” Cillian then said, causing Lorraine to flinch and James to laugh.

“Should I be jealous of our lecturer Y/N?” James teased, seeing that Lorraine had turned quiet now rather quickly. “I mean, clearly, he was holding back a little when he told you to kiss and embrace him. Maybe he fucking wants you and, knowing what I know now, you probably like him too. He is old enough to spark your interest, isn’t he? Twice your age, just like that dude you hooked up with a few weeks ago? Bloody disgusting” James said as you sat back down in front of him and, by this point, you were well and truly fuming with anger.

“Shut up James. I was doing what we are meant to do. We are here to learn how to perform on stage but all you do is act like a little brat. Because that is what you are, a spoiled little child” you spat so that at least half of the class could hear you, including Cillian.

“Oh, I act like a child now, do I?” James asked. He was angered. Very angered. “You just fucking cried like a baby about some stupid play while hitting on our lecturer like a slut” he then laughed, referencing your tears on stage and, luckily for you, Cillian heard everything what was said.

“James, enough. What is going on?” he asked sternly, wanting to pull James aside to tell him off.

“Nothing. I am just having a word with my girlfriend” James explained but you were emotionally drained and rather upset by this point.

“I am not your girlfriend anymore” you reminded him but James shook his head.

“We will see about that” he told you and, again, you sighed with anger.

“No James. I done with this. I am fucking done with you. No matter what you do I am fucking done” you said quietly but sternly and James quickly took hold of your wrist before pressing down on it harshly.

“No you are not done with me” he spat. “You always come crawling back to me because you have no other choice. Just remember that” he then went on to say while you tried to pull away from him, which is also when Cillian intervened.

“Enough James! Let go of her arm! Now!” Cillian said as he approached James who quickly retreated from you.

“Alright man, here…I won’t touch her again. She is a fucking whore anyway” James chuckled and, by this point, Cillian had enough and asked him to leave the class room with him.

“Come with me James” he ordered while waiting for him with his arms crossed.

“No” James responded bluntly but Cillian would not and did not relent.

“You either come with me now or I will call security. Behaviour like this is intolerable and needs to be addressed by the board. Now stand up and move” Cillian said, forcing James to follow him while giving the other students a break and telling them to keep rehearsing their lines.

***

With James gone and the likelihood of him being temporarily expelled from school over his conduct in class, Cillian postponed the remainder of the lecture until tomorrow while dealing with some administerial concerns.

Not only did he have to write a report about James and his conduct in class, but also did he have to speak with you and the student counsellor about the possibility of you bringing assault charges against him.

Knowing what you have been through in the past however, Cillian was aware of the fact that you might not like to speak with the counsellors at the school and, thus, he gave you the opportunity to speak with him first, in private.

With that in mind, you walked to his office after the lecture had been postponed and just as he opened the door and you entered the room, you broke out in tears.

“I am so sorry. I feel like a fool” you said while, somewhat inappropriately, Cillian took you into his arms, embracing you in a tight hug.

“So, you feel like a fool?” Cillian asked while holding you tight. “It should be James who feels like a fool, not you. You did nothing wrong” Cillian then told you and you pulled away from him, simply just to look him into his eyes.

“No, it is me. I am acting like a fool. I should not have gone back to him after what he did to me. It wasn’t then first time his hand slipped and, to tell you the truth, I am just used to being treated like this” you told Cillian who used his thumbs to wipe away your tears.

“No one should treat you like this. You are a strong woman and should stand up for yourself” Cillian then said while gently brushing over your bruises and you nodded reluctantly in response.

“Is he being expelled?” you then asked and Cillian sighed, seeing that you still cared about James.

“That depends on what I write in my report” Cillian told you before asking you what it was that you wanted him to write.

“He went through a lot as well. He’s been through therapy and all…” you began to explain to Cillian who interrupted you quickly.

“There is no excuse for his behaviour. I know that you love him, but he cannot treat you like this. He is being abusive and it needs to stop. You are a smart woman and surely you can see that he is hurting you” Cillian lectured you and you were quick to respond.

“I do not love him Cillian. I haven’t loved him for a long time but he is fucking obsessed with me and has threatened me many times” you said and Cillian queried your use of the word “threat”.

“Threatening you with what?” he asked and you turned silent again before taking in a deep breath and telling him everything.

“Violence. Exposing things that I have done and exposing pictures he has of me. Many things really” you told him but Cillian still believed that you should report his abusive behaviour to the school board as well as the police.

“Maybe one day I will, but not now” you told Cillian just as you heard a knock on the door to his office.

“Mr Murphy? It’s Janice, the school counsellor. I have been told that there was an incident in class with a male student attacking one of the female students” she blurted out from outside the door and, just as you were ready to leave, Cillian opened the door and allowed the counsellor to come inside.

“Is this the student?” was what she asked right of the bat when she saw you and, just as Cillian confirmed this to be the case, you spoke up.

“I am but I am not in need of counselling” you told her sternly before informing her that you already spoke to Cillian about the incident and have asked him to file a report on your behalf.

“Alright then, but if you change your mind, this is my number” Janice told you while handing you her business card and you took it quickly, shuffed it into your back and then said goodbye to Cillian and her.

The following two days…

Following numerous calls from James and messages containing both threats and apologies, he was expelled from school while the board began their investigations into the incident.

Just as you allowed it to happen, Cillian filed the report following your ex-boyfriend’s behaviour in class and this was enough for the dean to formerly remove him from all lectures and workshops on campus.

He was not allowed to come near you when you were on school premises but, since you did not have an apprehensive violence order against him, nothing prevented him from rocking up at your house.

Thus, just as you got home on Wednesday night, you found a note from him under the door with yet another threat and another apology and whilst you did not think anything about his somewhat obnoxious behaviour, nothing could prepare you for what you were about to wake up to the following morning.

The next morning, just after Emma had left the house in order to attend a three-day conference in Cork, you looked at your phone and were shocked to see that you had received over twenty notifications, being both calls and messages across all of your social media accounts.

You opened them all, one by one, to see what was going on and there it was. The unthinkable. A picture of you from two years ago which James took without your knowledge.

You were completely naked, laying on his bed in a compromising position and literally every inch of your body was visible to everyone who received this photograph.

To be continued…

Please comment and engage. I love getting comments and predictions pretty please!

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#cillian murphy #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy fanfiction #cillian murphy smut #cillian fanfic #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x oc

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bitethedevil · 3 months

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Living with The Devil You Know (Raphael x Tav): Chapter 14

Chapter: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen

Read this fic on AO3 (Link)

Fic Summary: Tav broke their agreement by handing the Crown of Karsus to Mystra instead of Raphael. Not only that, but she also robbed his house and killed his incubus. Raphael is patient and he is determined to get his revenge.

…Tav isn't too bothered. She will figure something out eventually. Until then she just has to find a way to live peacefully with a devil.

Chapter Summary: Tav joins Raphael as he goes to get the signature of a new client. They quickly fall into old patterns as she goes back to the House of Hope.

WARNINGS: Starving Children, Depictions of Poverty, NSFW

After Raphael had snapped his fingers, they appeared in what looked like the inside of a very rundown cottage. Tav looked around. Raphael’s hand slipped from hers and went to her waist instead. He pulled her closer and spoke into her ear in a lowered voice.

“You will not interfere with anything you see today,” he said and ran his hand up and down her side in an almost soothing motion. “You will want to, but you will refrain from meddling in my business, or I will send you back home and the deal is off. Do you understand?”

She nodded.

“Very well,” he said and then called out to someone. “Clarissa!”

A scrawny woman with hollowed out cheeks entered the shabby room they were standing in a moment later. Raphael greeted the woman warmly with all the charm that Tav had remembered from meeting him those first couple of times.

The woman smiled at Raphael with an expression of relief, showing that half of her teeth were missing. Behind her followed a young man who Tav guessed was her son. He was just as skinny as his mother and his ribcage was showing under the tattered shirt he was wearing.

The son was looking at Raphael with the skepticism his mother’s expression lacked. The woman’s eyes went to Tav, and it was clear that there was a question in her eyes as to who she was. Raphael caught it immediately.

“An associate of mine. Don’t mind her,” Raphael explained. “Have you come to a decision?”

The woman’s eyes went back to Raphael, and she quickly nodded and lowered her head. It was unmistakable that the way that she acted around Raphael was exactly the same as lowborn usually did around nobles. She gestured to two chairs.

“Please sit, Saer,” she mumbled with her lowered head. “If it please you, of course.”

Raphael smirked and sat down. He gestured for Tav to do the same. She could see in his eyes that he was enjoying every minute of the interaction. The woman and the son kept standing out of respect, though it looked like they were barely able to. It looked like they had not had a meal for weeks.

“I will sign,” the woman said. “In exchange for what we agreed on last time.”

“Splendid,” Raphael said and with a snap of his fingers, a contract appeared. “We will go through the terms together one more time.”

Tav zoned out when she noticed two small children playing outside. They were skin and bones, though slightly less so than their mother and their older brother. Tav would never get used to seeing children like that.

She came from a small village herself and though they were not well off by any means, no children there ever went to bed hungry. When she came to the Gate they seemed to be around every corner, especially between those that lived on the street.

There was something harrowing about how it looked like their eyes took up too much space in their boney little faces that lacked the puppy fat that all children should have.

“My associate has a tendency to let her mind wander,” Raphael said and managed to break her out of her trance. “Tav, dearest. You may be interested in focusing on the matter at hand.”

She turned towards the woman.

“Apologies,” she said to her. “I just could not help but admire your young son and daughter outside. You have beautiful children.”

The woman gave her a wide genuine smile.

“Thank you, milady,” she mumbled.

“The terms…” Raphael said in a slightly louder voice to pull the attention back at the contract. “You will receive enough gold to feed your children and your eldest will be granted an apprenticeship at the most prestigious blacksmith in the city. In return, your soul will be mine upon your death. Do we agree?”

“Yes.”

“Mother, please don’t—” her son said.

“I won’t hear it, Ben,” she said to her eldest son in a stern voice and turned to Raphael again. “I will sign, Saer.”

“Wonderful,” Raphael said and summoned a quill. “Whenever you are ready.”

Raphael leaned back in his chair as he waited for the woman to sign. Tav glanced at her eldest son who looked miserable at what was going on. She noticed that the woman blinked a lot, trying to focus her eyes on the contract and where she would be signing. When she did sign, it was with a messy script as if she could barely gather the strength to do so.

“A pleasure doing business with you, Clarissa,” Raphael purred, and the contract disappeared in smoke. “Young Ben will start his apprenticeship immediately and the gold will arrive to you on the morrow.”

The woman grabbed and shook Raphael’s hand in gratitude. There were tears in her eyes.

“Thank you, Saer,” she said.

“You are very welcome, my dear,” Raphael replied with a smile and put his hand on her shoulder.

He held out his hand to Tav who took it, and he snapped his fingers.

They appeared on a bench in the middle of nowhere. Tav realized she could see the small cottage they had just been in out in the distance. She could see the shape of the two young children playing outside. They were surrounded by fields and there was a small cluster of houses in the distance.

“Any questions?” Raphael asked and leaned his arm on the back of the bench behind her.

“Will they be alright?”

“The children, yes,” he answered. “Her eldest son will soon be able to take care of them.”

It was a slightly confusing sentence because of the way he phrased it.

“Them…meaning his mother too, right?”

Raphael looked at her and smirked.

“You saw the state of her,” he said and gently brushed a lock of hair out of her face. “You may be surprised to learn that in circumstances like this, it is very rarely the battle of staying alive that kills those like her, but rather the relief that the battle is over. She will fall asleep tonight without worrying about her family for once, and in that relief, she will stop struggling and her body will as well. Death will take her, and Clarissa will not wake up tomorrow morning…”

Tav felt her heart sink.

“And you knew that from the beginning, didn’t you?” she said.

“Of course,” Raphael said and shrugged. “I have seen it a thousand times before. People like her are such easy investments. Her soul is not worth much in truth, but the promptness of delivery makes it worth the trouble.”

Tav turned her head to look at the children playing in the distance. The children who would wake up the day after and find themselves orphans.

“How much money did she gain from this deal?” she asked.

“Two thousand gold.”

Tav’s jaw fell.

“You bought her soul for a measly two thousand? How long will that last them? A couple of months?”

“She would have sold her soul for one thousand, but I was feeling rather generous,” Raphael said. “If it is her children you fear for, their older brother will take care of them with the gold he will earn through his apprenticeship. They won’t have a lavish life by any means, but they will survive. Most likely they will grow old enough to end up as their mother, and I might be inclined to pay them a visit as well one day.”

“You are a vulture…” Tav muttered.

She saw Raphael smile in the corner of her eye.

“I simply helped a woman that no one else wanted to offer their help to.”

“What will happen to her?” she asked. “When she dies, I mean. Will she suffer?”

“Of course she will,” he answered. “Our dear Clarissa will experience her children starving to death in front of her eyes for the rest of eternity.”

That was a knife in Tav’s heart.

“The Hells were meant to be a place where evil people suffer,” she said with anger in her voice. “A mother wanting to feed her children is not evil. What else was she supposed to do?”

“She made a deal with a devil, fully aware of what I was,” Raphael said with a sigh. “It is people like her that makes the economy of the Hells function. She is consciously contributing to what you mortals would consider evil. That is enough to doom her.”

Tav looked back and forth from him to the children playing in the distance in disbelief. It wasn’t fair. Raphael was studying her face with complete calmness. It even looked like he was enjoying her reaction.

“It upsets you, doesn’t it?” Raphael said and ran his fingers through her hair. “If it is any consolation to that soft heart of yours, had Clarissa decided not to sign, they would all be dead within a couple of weeks.”

Tav knew he was right. No one helped people like them. She wanted to, now that she knew their fate, and she wished that she could turn back time and be the one to give them the gold so that they could survive. She also knew deep down that she had passed countless of people like them on the street without even sparing them a second thought.

It wasn’t her business. That had always been her philosophy. It wasn’t her business, and it wasn’t her problem. She had enough to deal with. This was not her business either, but by the gods, if it did not hurt to see the suffering up close instead of closing her eyes to it.

The sun was setting as they were sitting there. Tav was lost to her thoughts, as she just kept staring at the little house in the distance and the children outside. Raphael ran his warm hand over her bare arm and then he put it on her cheek.

“You are getting cold, my dear,” he mumbled into her ear before getting up from the bench. “Let’s go home for the day.”

She took one last glance at the house before taking his hand.

Raphael poured her a glass of wine and handed it to her before sitting down beside her. She still felt a little off, but there was something almost therapeutic about being back in the House of Hope.

It really did feel like home to her for some reason, and what an odd thought that any mortal should feel at home in the Hells. She suspected it had more to do with Raphael than the house itself.

“I never asked,” Raphael purred. “Does your friends know that you are here?”

She shook her head and sipped the wine.

“I am curious as to what exactly you have told them about your time here?”

“Not much,” she admitted. “Not to all of them at least. I talked to Astarion about it all, or most of it anyway.”

She caught his nose wrinkling in disdain for a moment.

“Yes, so I’ve heard,” he said.

She paused for a moment as a realization hit her.

“Scrying spell?”

Raphael smiled at her.

“Clever as always,” he said. “Curiosity got the better of me, I have to admit. It is below me to pry in such a way and it should not have happened.”

Tav thought about the two moments it happened: when they held hands and when he fed on her. It could not have been interpreted as anything else but him being jealous or at least possessive of her.

“We’re just friends, you know.”

“Please,” Raphael said and brushed it away. “Even if that was not so, it is your own business who you sleep with. I never expected that you should live in celibate for the rest of your life, simply because of your time in my bed…though, of course, I would not mind if you did…”

He gave her a teasing smile, though she knew him well enough that he was only half-joking. He did not like the idea of her sleeping with anyone else and it was as clear as day. She smiled back at him, and it was genuine.

It was as she had already forgotten everything he had shown and told her earlier. She did not care about it for the moment. It was nice to just be with him again.

“How have you been?” she asked him.

“I’ve been busy,” he answered and quickly turned it on her. “And yourself? Korrilla tells me you have been quite miserable.”

Tav put on the act of pretending she was surprised that she had been kept an eye on.

“Korrilla has been watching me?”

Raphael chuckled.

“Don’t play dumb, dear,” he said. “The two of you are not half as clever as you think you are. I know you have spoken to her and not just this one time. This house has eyes and ears everywhere.”

Tav went quiet. She did not want to confirm or deny because she did not want to see Korrilla in trouble.

“Cat got your tongue?” he asked. “I won’t hurt her. I was well aware of her loose lips even before I made a pact with her. I could not ask for a more loyal servant, so I am inclined to overlook a little slip here and there.”

She thought for a moment. It could not hurt to ask, and she was curious.

“Did you also know that I spoke to Hope while I stayed here?”

“Was I aware of your clumsy attempt at finding the hammer?” Raphael asked with an amused expression. “Even if I was not, you were not exactly subtle, dear. I found you trying to break into my vault, remember?”

She did. Even then she knew that he was not convinced that she was trying to break into it ‘for enrichment’ as she had lied back then.

“You never answered my question,” he said. “How have you been? I want to hear it from you.”

She thought for a moment and then sighed softly. She might as well be honest with him.

“It’s been hell,” she said. “So many conflicting feelings. Relief in the beginning…confusion, disbelief…grief. I found no comfort in my companions because they did not understand what was going on. Neither did I, really. I was just alone for a while, thinking of everything. Stewing in my own sadness. The fact that you returned my book and the message you left did not exactly help either…”

“Did you like it?” he asked with a small smile.

“It was wonderful,” she said. “It just broke me even further though, along with all the memories of my time here. I missed you but I would not admit it to myself. I would not admit that I was that stupid and self-destructive. By the time I found Korrilla, I had decided to lay it all to rest. To forget about you and move on.”

“As you should have.”

“As I should have,” Tav agreed quietly.

Raphael caressed her shoulder and smiled at her.

“This will most likely be our last night together,” he said. “Let us forget it all for a moment and not speak of such grim matters.”

“You are so certain I won’t stay,” she said. “How can you be so sure?”

“Call it a ninth sense,” he said. “We still have tomorrow to get through, and I saw the look in your eyes earlier. I know that it affected you. You felt grief for that woman’s children, and you felt that I wronged them. Love and sympathy for someone can only extend so far when you realize that the other person is incapable of those same feelings.”

She sighed and leaned up against him. She rested her head on his shoulder. She felt him tense up for a short moment before resting his cheek on her head.

“Who says I love you?”

“Mm,” he hummed and kissed her head. “Yes, my mistake. You said you hated me, isn’t that so? You do have a rather odd way of showing it, my dear.”

“It’s all a ruse to confuse the enemy, I can assure you,” she said stubbornly and wrapped her arm around his waist.

He chuckled.

“You have certainly succeeded in fooling me then,” he mumbled against her scalp. “No matter. A clever woman like you will see reason eventually.”

Raphael was on her the second they got into bed. His hands were touching every inch of her body, as if to commit it to memory. He was taking it slow with her but the tenseness of his body and the way he kissed her told her that he wanted nothing more than to devour her in that moment.

He was kissing, biting, and licking his way slowly down her body. Her breathing was getting shallower. Gods, she had missed this. Missed him.

“Raphael?” she murmured.

“Mm?” he growled against her skin.

“If this is our last time as you claim, then I want you in your devil form. Your true form.”

He looked up at her and chuckled against her belly. He changed into his other form at her request.

“No need to pretend to be romantic,” he purred. “I won’t be offended if you say that you prefer my tongue in this form.”

That was in fact not what she meant, but when his head dipped between her thighs, she remembered that that was another advantage of sleeping with him in that shape. She gasped and grasped the sheets when his long and forked tongue entered her. He did not miss a thing when it came to her reactions, as his eyes were locked on her as he did it.

He held her legs open to make sure she did not hurt herself on his horns. She did feel the urge to close them because the pleasure was so overstimulating. He did not move away or stop before she had already come undone once.

He leaned over her. He was more careful this time when he slid his length inside her. It was much bigger in that form and the first time they had sex it had hurt, but his patience and attention made it completely painless this time.

He made an effort to keep his pace down as he moved inside her and she could feel that it took everything in him to reel himself back. He was all but shaking. When he kissed her, she could taste herself on his lips and tongue. He had missed this as much as her.

When she was well on her way to her second orgasm, she heard a noise in the distance. It made Raphael pause his movements for a moment. It sounded like someone was screaming. Raphael thrusted into her again, making her moan, though the scream had thrown her off a little bit.

“It seems that Cassius has finally woken from his unconsciousness,” Raphael said against her lips, as if it was a completely normal thing to say.

He snapped his fingers and kissed her deeply. The second he snapped, she heard the scream abruptly stop. She kissed him back, but she could not let it go.

“What did you…do?” she asked breathlessly.

Raphael’s slow pace quickened slightly as he smiled against her lips.

“Cassius lost his right to his vocal cords for the night,” he said and kissed her softly, which was a stark contrast to the brutality of his words. “Don’t worry, my sweet. He will get that attention he so desperately desires tomorrow when we pay him a visit.”

She wanted to say something, to protest, but the pleasure Raphael was giving her quickly took over her mind instead as he quickened the pace of his thrusts further. His hand slipped between them to rub her clit and only a few moments later she fell over the edge once again. Raphael followed shortly after with a deep groan.

They got comfortable to fall asleep the same way they always had, with Raphael’s arms around her, holding her close. He kissed her neck before burying his nose in her hair and inhaling her scent.

She felt safe and more content than she had been for weeks. She found herself ignoring the intruding thoughts about Cassius and the things she would experience the day after. In that moment, she did not care.

In that moment she did not care how many people would have to suffer or die for her to never leave his arms again.

#raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #bg3 raphael #raphael x tav #baldur's gate 3 #raphael bg3 fanfic #bg3 fanfiction #nsft

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likeadevils · 5 days

Note

I know we stopped we controversial opinions a few days ago, but I was taking a break from tumblr 😞

idk how controversial this is, but I think question…? is a precursor of ttpd in terms of muse layering. I don’t think that the ootw references were there just as a chronological indicator for the events of the songs, I think they clearly point out at Harry, but I also think that the song has shades of Matty because I think that in her mind, and you can see that in the songs about Matty before the anger about him settled in, that Harry and Matty were similar in her mind

i stopped because my computer broke down and copy/pasting the format on mobile was murder BUT computer is back!

rating system:

is it rare?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

controversial with swifties? . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

controversial with normies? . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

do i agree with it? . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

additional thoughts: i've seen this floated! definitely a contender in the "if a pre-ttpd song is about matty" conversation. the normie score is the only thing i'm going back and forth on, but i think it would be controversial to low-information swifties? cause it does sample ootw. so the normies here represent low information swifties more than like, your mom who knows shake it off and wanegbt and thats pretty much it.

question is one of the songs that i can see a good argument for being about matty. personally, i lean towards harry more for vibe reasons? like (with the current available information) matty seemed all in in 2014, whereas harry was sorta wishy washy the whole time they dated. and question reflects a state of hesitation leading to taylor walking away-- kissing in a crowded room is a point of tension for him, he's sneaking out in the middle of the night, etc. from what i've seen with matty, that dynamic was flipped-- after they broke it off, a big complaint he would return over and over to is how secretive he had to be about the whole thing.

there's also "when she said it was too much, do you wish you could still touch her?" is just mean when it's about matty (again, with the public information). the conclusions i draw from how they interacted in 2014 is matty was way more into her then she was into him, she got spooked by that (and the drug addiction), so she left him, and then he spent seven years floating in her orbit trying to win her back-- to my count he made public comments about wanting to work with her and/or talk to her again in 2015, 2016, 2018 if you count the journal about dating popstars thing, 2019, and 2020, before finally reconnecting in 2021. in the context of matty, "when she said it was too much, do you wish you could still touch her?" means "i left you after you said you loved me, and you're still not over me", whereas with harry it's "i left because getting slut-shamed for dating a man who won't even say he loves me was to much, and then we spent the next three years trying no contact and then getting back together with each other cause neither of us could stop thinking about the other." like, the harry read is petty, the matty read is cruel. and that's not to say taylor can't be cruel (i actually really hate when swifties argue that taylor COULDN'T have done x because that's MORALLY WRONG), but unless more evidence comes to light, i'm gonna assume petty.

send me your controversial opinions and i'll rate them

#asks*

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thefallenprincesss · 2 months

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a challenge for @asongofgoldenfireandblackblood

prompt: Write a scene (at least 200 words) between you and another character who is currently *NOT* in the RP, but this time it must be a scene involving an argument, fight, or any interaction broadly defined as *conflict*

“ANTOMY”

She sat there punished once again for talking back to Ser Criston Cole. She was seven and she was only trying to get herself out of trouble. No one cared. No one ever cared.

The little princess felt her hands cramping as her door opened and her father walked in. She glanced up at him, not saying a word to the King. Not even a greeting.

It was unusual for the King of all people to be visiting his youngest daughter’s room. She felt her hand shaking from the quill constantly writing lines.

“Have you learned your lesson?” The king spoke, his voice breaking as he did. It wasn’t that he cared but rather the fact that he was sick.

“Yes.” she answered coldly, her answer was clear. She didn’t care. Why must she be punished for correcting the Knight!

He sat behind her, Rhaenya having the eyes of guilt. Was it really guilt? No. There was something way more than that.

“Look at me,” Her father made her looked up at him. Those tired eyes, she looked at his eyes. Something both of them shared, the purple eyes. “You are lying, my dear girl,”

“This is your fault!” She gently tries to pushes her father away. “This is all your fault!” she cries.

There is something breaking in her voice, she never broke out this much. She had always been told the story of how she got her name. And now it got her into trouble and punishment.

All because of her name.

Rhaenya. Rhaenya. Rhaenyra.

“Rhaenyra,” he called out just looking at his daughter’s eyes. The tears forming in the young girls eyes. Her father’s gently grabbed her sore fingers.

Rhaenya pushed her father away, “Go away! GO AWAY!” she cried, all she was to him… she was only half of him.

He didn’t know her at all. She was literally half of him… and he didn’t even know her. Not even her name.

“My name. is. Rhaenya. RHAENYA. not RHAENYRA! I am my own person!” she cried, holding herself together. She was so young but she knew what was happening.

“Rhaenya, I apolg-”

“No! You aren’t sorry! I don’t want to write anymore lines! I don’t want to get in trouble! It’s all your doings! You named me! and not even the smallfolk calls me Rhaenya!” she yelled, her voice completely shaking in tears.

Viserys tried his best to calm her, but there was nothing he could do… because he didn’t know her well enough.

Her hands balled up into a fist and she just wanted to yell. The little girl paced around room in tears, she felt like the wall closing in on her.

“You- don’t even know me…” she cried, the words of the seven year old. “You are just like the smallfolk!”

She sat on the floor crawled up into a ball crying, she was just a girl. She was not use to showing this many big emotions. Viserys let out a sigh. He wanted to comfort her, but she was to vulnerable.

“I didn’t mean for you to be named after your sister,” The king spoke in a sad tone, trying to get some hope. “You were supposed to named after… Princess Rhaenys… but I couldn’t. I saw Rhaenyra in you the minute you were born,”

Silence. Just the sound of breathing. The small girl on the floor with her legs up to her chest and her head buried in it.

She was just a girl.

A girl who liked to play with her brothers and her sisters.

She wasn’t nobody. She wasn’t her sister. She was just Rhaenya.

But not even her father could understand that, she was just, Rhaenya.

“Do you see me… as the Realms Delight…?” she whispered lifting her head up.

“Rhaenya,” Her father’s voice broke, “You are your own person,”

There was some truth in his words, but was it all true? Everyone saw her as the “The false Princess Rhaenyra”. Her own father saw her as her sister.

She was just a nobody.

a nobody.

Just the girl with a name that was going to ruin her life forever. They wanted to build her and make her like Rhaenyra and failed.

“Get out, GET OUT!” she screamed at Viserys, she didn’t want to see her father anywhere in her face. “I AM RHAENYA. YOUR YOUNGEST DAUGHTER. NOT RHAENYRA. NOT THE REALMS DELIGHT. NOT THE FALSE PRINCESS RHAENYRA. RHAENYA.

R H A E N Y A. YOU ARE MY OWN FATHER. AND YOU ACT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! I want you to actually care, act like you know who I am without seeing Rhaenyra. I love Rhaenyra, she is sister, but she is not who i am!” The seven years old confronted.

The built up words all coming out of the little girl who was so stubborn was so unexpected from the King. He looked at her with wide eyes, the shock of such an outburst from a little girl.

“Very Well, Rhaenya,” He got up in silence as he walked past her and his cloak brushed past her.

She looked at her father leave and she cried even more. Feeling horrible for yelling at him… She was so young, but never felt this much anger and horror in her.

She was tired, she was annoyed and she was exhausted. She just wanted to be

Rhaenya.

#original character #roleplay #oc rp #asioaf #asongofgf&bb #asongofgoldenfireandblackblood #challenge

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angelasscribbles · 2 years

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Home For Christmas

Series: American Girl

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Riley x Liam (past)

Rating: PG

Warnings for this chapter: Language, alcohol consumption by people under 21

Word Count: 4,080

A/N: This is a complete AU, my first one that takes them out of Cordonia and makes them normal, average people.

I have no idea what this is. I went to a Christmas party and people watched a group of college-aged kids interact and I shit you not, one was named Riley. Creativity was sparked and here we are.

Fair warning, this is only a Christmas story in so far as it's set over the Christmas break. This story isn't exactly happy, merry, bright or festive. It's a lil' angsty not gonna lie.

I know I am not the first person to write Riley and Liam as high school sweethearts. Notably, @bebepac has a very adorkable version of high schooler Liam Rys. This is simply my twist on that trope and hopefully doesn't step on anyone's toes.

@choicesholidays themes "So glad we found each other" and: "If we hurry, we can still save Christmas", very loosely.

My other stuff: Master List.

Liam checked his appearance one last time in the mirror of his childhood bedroom before bounding down the burgundy carpeted stairs two at a time and skidding to a stop at the bottom.

“Whoa, there!” His father laughed, “Where’s the fire?”

“Sorry! I’m just ready for the party!”

“Ok, son!” his father laughed as he made his way around him, “I’ll be in the kitchen helping your mother.”

The Rys house, nestled in an affluent suburb of Dallas, was draped in Christmas splendor. From the seven-foot tree in the foyer to the holly-adorned fireplace in the formal living room, the house was ready for the annual Rys Christmas party.

Held the week before Christmas, it was a four hour long come and go affair showcasing his mother Eleanor’s considerable baking skills.

“Every surface is covered in food.” She always told her guests, as they circulated through the kitchen, living, and dining rooms all spread lavishly with homemade goodies.

It was true. Every table and counter in the three rooms were covered in food, from freshly chopped fruits and veggies with dip, to baked goods like walnut fudge brownies, coconut rum balls, meringue Christmas trees, four types of fudge, peppermint bark, various assorted cookies, and her homemade Chex mix, a recipe passed on from her mother and affectionally called Texas trash.

There was a chocolate fountain that was always the hit of the party with the ten and under set.

But it wasn’t the food, or the decorations, that had Liam excited for the party.

It was the hope that his high school girlfriend might put in an appearance.

Liam joined his older brother and younger sister in the dining room that graced the front of the house. Guests had just started trickling in.

“Is Riley coming?” Leo asked.

“I…don’t know,” Liam answered honestly.

“Why the hell would she?” His sister Lena looked back and forth between them like they were stupid.

“Uh…because we’ve known her since she was in kindergarten and she always comes….” Leo answered.

“That was before our idiot brother broke her heart.”

“Hey!” Liam protested, “That’s not what happened!”

Lena leveled a skeptical stare at him as she asked, “Did you or did you not break up with her after graduation?”

“It was mutual!” he protested, “Because we were going to college on opposite sides of the country!” He was so tired of explaining his reasoning to everyone.

Their friends all seemed to think he was either an idiot or an asshole for breaking up with her at the beginning of the summer instead of the end.

But he had thought it was better to rip the Band-Aid off.

Long-distance relationships were difficult to maintain and he wanted them both to have options.

Especially Riley. He knew how much getting a scholarship to college meant to her. She was the first one in her family to go to college and she felt all the pressure that entailed.

He had done it for her.

“Have you talked to her since you both left for school?” Lena asked.

“No,” he admitted.

He had typed out, and deleted about a thousand text messages.

He had tried calling a couple of times.

She hadn’t answered.

The one time she had called back, he had been taking a test and missed the call.

She hadn’t left a message.

“Hey, she’s here!” Leo called over his shoulder from his spot near the window, next to the chocolate fountain.

“Really?” Liam felt his heart simultaneously rise and fall. He wiped his suddenly sweaty palms on his pants.

“Yeah, really, she just got out of Drake’s truck.”

“What?” Confusion pulled through Liam, “What are they doing together?”

“I don’t know,” Leo shrugged as he grabbed a brownie and covered it in chocolate.

Lena tilted her head to the side, “Have you talked to him since you left for college?”

“A couple of times…” the truth was that Liam had been busy with schoolwork and his own self-imposed heartbreak, so he hadn’t done the best job at keeping up with his childhood best friend.

“Have you asked him about his dating life?” Lena pressed.

Liam’s eyes widened at the implication, “You don’t think they’re together, do you?”

Leo shoved the entire brownie in his mouth as he looked out the window again, “They look pretty together to me.” He mumbled through a mouthful of brownie and chocolate sauce.

Liam leaned forward so he could see out the window.

Her body language screamed that she was nervous as she made her way up the sidewalk, side by side with Drake.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Liam said out loud, “They live next door to each other, he just gave her a ride!”

“Whatever you say, buddy!” Leo slapped him on the back hard enough to jolt him forward, “I saw Mr. and Mrs. Nevrakis come in a minute ago, I’m going to find Liv!”

“But-“

“I think you’re on your own with this, Li.” Lena told him, “you broke it, you fix it.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled as he followed his sister to the front door, “if it’s fixable.”

Lena threw herself on Riley the moment the door opened, “Riley!”

“Hey, Lena!” Riley’s face broke into a genuine smile as she returned the younger girl’s hug, “It’s good to see you!”

“I’ve missed you!” Lena said as she stepped back and pulled Riley through the door.

“What? No hug or I missed you for me?” Drake laughed.

Lena rolled her eyes, “I see you all the time!”

It was true. Drake had stayed in town after graduation and enrolled in the local community college. He was working on a certification in automotive technology. He was paying for it with his job at the local bowling alley, the same one he’d had since he was sixteen.

He was good with anything mechanical, including the pin setters. It made him invaluable to the owner.

In addition to bowling, the place had a video game arcade and laser tag, making it a popular afterschool and weekend hangout.

“Riley!” Eleanor Rys swept into the room, Constantine on her heels.

Greetings and hugs were exchanged between Riley and Liam’s parents as Liam slapped Drake’s opened palm, “Good to see you, bro.”

“You too! Can’t wait to hear all your college stories! Bet they’re wilder than mine!”

“Doubt it,” Liam scoffed, “I spend my weekends in the library studying!”

“Lame. But predictable. How are we friends?”

“You just got lucky I guess.”

Drake snorted, “Yeah, I’m the lucky one, okay!”

Liam’s parents went back to the other adults and Lena joined a group of teenagers on the other side of the room.

Riley hung back with Liam as Drake headed to the hot chocolate, “You want anything, Brooks?” He asked over his shoulder.

“I’m good!” she told him as she watched him walk away before turning to Liam with open arms, “Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” he replied as he pulled her into an embrace.

His body relaxed as he held her tight against him, the familiar scent of her washing over him and flooding his senses with memories.

“You look good,” she told him as she pulled away with a hesitant smile.

“You look great,” relief swept through him that she was there, standing in his living room, smiling at him.

“Liam! Riley!” a voice called out.

“Hey, Rashad,” Liam high-fived his friend and attempted to squash his irritation at the interruption.

Riley was cornered by several more of their former classmates, effectively ending their conversation, at least for the time being.

She gave him an apologetic glance as their friends came between them.

After about half an hour, Riley sidled over to Liam and said, “We should go hang out in the rec room and play pool like we used to.”

“Yes!” Liam agreed, then in a lower voice, “I’ll go sneak some of my dad’s beer!”

“Just like old times!” The smile she gave him filled his heart with hope.

Word passed quickly among their core group of friends and they all filtered upstairs to the rec room.

Several minutes later, Liam glanced up and down the hallway before darting into the room with his ill-gotten gains.

His good mood dampened a little when he spotted Riley in the corner with Drake. She was laughing at something he said, and he was standing far too close to her for Liam’s liking.

Not that he had any right to say anything about who she stood close to. But when they broke up, he had thought that one of two things would happen.

Either one or both of them would move on, eventually, or they would find their way back to each other, after college.

But in the event that one of them moved on, he had thought it would be later down the road, and with someone new, someone that they met at college, in another state.

Not less than six months later with his best friend, her lifelong next-door neighbor.

Riley spotted him over Drake’s shoulder and waved, “Did you get it?”

“Yeah,” he forced a smile as he produced the six-pack from under his shirt.

He didn’t miss the disappointment in Drake’s eyes when she stepped away from him and headed in his direction.

Liam sat the beer down on a table and handed them out.

“Thanks,” Rashad took the proffered beer with one hand and gestured toward the pool table with the other, “Are we going to play pool now or what?”

“Sure,” Liam replied, “If Riley wants to.”

“I’ll play!” Drake answered.

Liam ignored him and turned to Riley, “You and me against Drake and Rashad?” He asked as he handed her a pool cue, “Just like old times.”

“Just like old times.” She grinned at him.

“Or we could switch it up,” Drake interjected, “Riley and me against you and Rashad.”

“No,” Liam gave him a sharp look, “this is good!”

Rashad looked back and forth between them then at Riley, “What’s happening?”

“Nothing,” Drake shrugged as he turned to grab a pool stick, “just trying to shake things up a little.”

Rashad turned his attention back to Liam who also shrugged, “Things are fine the way they’ve always been.”

“Okay…”Rashad’s gaze slid to Riley who just shook her head.

“Let’s play!” Riley said.

“I’ll break,” Rashad decided to ignore whatever weirdness was going on with his friends.

An hour passed while other friends drifted in and out of the rec room. They played pool until Rashad had to leave.

“I’m going to get some of your mom’s famous punch!” Riley told Liam.

“How?” He demanded, “It’s alcoholic!”

“I’m going to have Leo get it for me,” she smirked.

“Oh yeah, that’ll work,” Liam chuckled.

He swore his siblings both liked Riley more than they liked him.

“Make sure the cup is full so we can share,” Drake called after her as she slipped out the door.

Liam found himself alone with Drake for the first time since last summer, “So…you and Riley…what’s that about?”

“What?” Drake looked at him in surprise, “What do you mean?”

“Come on, man. I’ve known you since we were five. Something is going on with you two.”

Drake shrugged, “I mean, we’ve hung out a few times.”

“A few times? Like when?”

“I don’t know,” Drake hedged, “last summer a little and then over Thanksgiving break.”

“She came home for Thanksgiving?”

“Yeah, said she was homesick.”

“Is she…having a hard time at school?” Liam asked with concern.

“Maybe you should ask her that,” Drake responded, “I don’t speak for her.”

“Right, of course, you’re right. Sorry. It’s just still…weird…”

“Why is it weird? I thought you two broke up amicably, by mutual agreement.” Drake leaned on his pool stick as he watched Liam’s face carefully as if the answer was important.

“We did but…I don’t know, we agreed to stay friends, but I swear she avoided me all summer after that!”

“Huh.”

“What’s huh mean?”

“Nothing, man!” Drake threw a hand up in the air, “just trying to figure things out.”

“What things?”

“Who brought it up first?”

“Brought what up?”

“The idea of breaking up. Who floated it out there?”

“I did.”

Drake nodded, “So you could go off to college free and unattached, I get it.”

“No, that’s…I mean, yes but… fuck, shit, I don’t know what I mean!” Liam threw his pool stick on the table and slumped into a nearby chair.

“So, what? You regret it now?”

“Yes!...No!...Maybe, okay?” Liam dropped his head into his hands.

“Okay…” Drake tossed his stick down as well and took the seat across from Liam, “But you did break up with her so if she started seeing someone else, someone you know…would you be mad about it?”

Liam’s head snapped up, “Someone like you?”

“I didn’t say that…”

“But it’s what you meant, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know, maybe. I’m just saying-“

“You can just tell me, Drake! We’ve told each other everything since grade school!” Liam snapped.

Drake looked up at the ceiling instead of directly at Liam as he responded, “I’m interested, okay?”

“Since when?”

“Since always! I dated her before you did if you remember.”

Liam’s mouth fell open, “Are you talking about those two weeks in seventh grade?”

“Yeah.”

“You were twelve!”

“So?”

“So, that’s not really dating!”

“I took her to the sock hop.”

“Your mom drove you both to the sock hop and Riley spent the whole night dancing with Maxwell Beaumont! Then she dumped you for him!”

Drake shrugged, “Like you said, we were twelve. I forgave her for that, and Max turned out to be gay so…”

“Drake, we’ve been best friends since first fucking grade and you have never expressed a romantic interest in her before!”

“I don’t tell you everything, Li.”

Liam stared at his best friend in disbelief, “I tell you everything!”

“You didn’t tell me why you broke up with Brooks.”

“Fuck. I guess I didn’t.”

Drake pulled in a deep breath, unwilling and unable to admit that he’d been in love with her since they were four, “Look, I’m sorry, Li. It’s not like I was keeping things from you. I mean, it was just a crush when we were kids, then in high school, she dated Rashad most of freshman year, and sophomore year I was with Kiara…then she was dating you. It just never seemed like there was anything to tell.”

“I guess.”

“You’re my best friend, Li, and I don’t want to lose that…but…”

Liam’s heart sank, “But?”

“But you did break up with her, she is single, and something did happen between us last summer! I’m sorry, I thought you two were over….”

“We were…I mean we are…I mean…shit… I don’t know what I mean!” He sighed in frustration. All the reasons they broke up in the first place were still valid.

But the thought of her with someone else, anyone else, but especially Drake, stung.

The door creaked open, and Riley came back in, “Got it!” She crowed triumphantly.

Liam shook his head, “I told you he likes you best, he would have never done that for me!”

“Well, I did promise to give him all the dirt on that guy Anton that Liv’s been seeing.”

“Can you deliver on that?” Drake asked.

“I’ll do my best!” she answered with a grin.

Liv and Riley were attending the same school. Riley was a freshman while Liv was a senior, but they still saw each other and ran in some of the same circles.

“You always do,” Liam replied as he stood, “can we talk for a minute?”

“Sure…”

“Privately, I mean,” He said with a pointed look at Drake, “in my room.”

Drake suppressed a sigh as he stood up, “I’m going to find some of those sugar cookies. I’ll be downstairs when you’re done.”

Liam retrieved the last beer from the shelf where he had hidden it behind the trivial pursuit game.

Riley trailed behind him to his room, her heart pounding in her chest. Her mouth went dry as she stepped through the door into his bedroom.

A room she hadn’t stepped foot in since the day he’d broken up with her six months prior.

She blinked rapidly several times to combat the tears that welled up in her eyes at the memory.

The familiar scent of his room rushed over her as she took a seat on the edge of his bed and sat her red solo cup on the nightstand.

She glanced surreptitiously around. Everything looked exactly the same. But nothing was the same anymore.

She clenched her fists tightly in her lap as she struggled to contain her jangled nerves.

Liam sat down next to her on the bed and turned his body to face her as he fidgeted with the unopened bottle in his hand, “Ah…Drake said you came home for Thanksgiving because you were homesick. Is everything okay at school?”

She considered her words carefully before finally replying, “It’s fine. It’s just a big change, you know?”

Liam nodded. His eyes locked on the label he was pulling at on the beer bottle, “Yeah. I do.”

They sat in awkward silence for a moment then Riley asked, “Why did we break up?”

Liam nearly dropped the bottle, as his head jerked up, his eyes wide with astonishment, “What? I thought we agreed it was for the best!”

“I mean…it was your idea,” Riley replied slowly, “What was I going to say once you brought it up? No?”

Liam’s world spun, “I thought….I thought it was what you wanted! Are you telling me I was wrong?”

“Yeah. But once you brought it up, I thought it was what you wanted so….”

“But…you kept talking about how hard long-distance relationships were…did I misread that?”

“I kept bringing that up because I was stressed out and worried about what was going to happen to us, Liam! I wanted reassurance, not to break up!”

“Wow. Okay, so I totally misread that! I am…a fucking idiot, just like my sister said…”

He drew in a deep breath, working up the courage to tell her it was a mistake and he wanted her back.

Long distance was hard, but not impossible. They could do it.

He wanted to do it.

“I don’t know, Liam. Maybe you were right.”

“What?” Disappointment surged through him, “What do you mean?”

“I mean…college is a lot; you were right about that. And we’re not just in different states, we’re on opposite coasts!”

“Yeah, but we have technology! We can text, talk, facetime, all of it! Maybe I could fly out to you one weekend a month or something.”

“Until you need to study for a test on Monday, or want to go out with your new friends. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing? Exploring, growing, learning about ourselves?”

Liam felt like he’d been slapped. They were the exact words he’d used to break up with her.

“Yes, but-“

“I don’t want you to start to resent me, Liam. Flying across the country once a month? Missing out on parties and study groups and all those new experiences you told me we were both going to have? And what if you meet someone new at Princeton? I don’t want to be broken up with for someone else. It’s better this way. Our friendship stays intact.” She nodded as she spoke, as if reassuring herself of the facts.

“Sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“I have,” She assured him, “I was pretty fucked up when you dumped me but-“

“I didn’t dump you, Riley!” He protested, “I thought it was mutual! I thought-“

She reached for his hand, smiling through the tears that suddenly pooled in the corners of her eyes and trickled down her cheeks, “I know that now. And that actually makes me feel so much better about everything!”

“Is that why you avoided me all summer?”

“Yeah, I was pretty hurt but I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing it.”

“Satisfaction?” He shook his head vigorously, “Riley, I’m man enough to admit that I cried myself to sleep every night for the first two weeks!”

“Really?” She sniffled as she wiped an arm across her face.

“Really…” He scooted closer and pulled her into an embrace, “I’m so fucking sorry. I never meant to hurt you!”

“It’s okay,” she assured him as she buried her face in his chest.

It felt so comforting to be wrapped in his arms.

But college was all about pushing out of her comfort zone. Liam had been right about that.

She pulled away and wiped at her eyes, “Oh my God, it feels so good to be able to talk to you again!”

“Same!” He laughed, “I’ve missed you so fucking much!”

“Me too! I’m used to sharing everything with you!”

“Just to make sure I’m clear this time… you don’t want to get back together?”

The tears flooded her eyes again, “Part of me really does, Liam, but part of me knows you were right about all the reasons we broke up in the first place.”

“To focus on our schoolwork and make new friends?”

“It’s not just that…I have some…things I need to figure out.”

“Things like Drake Walker?” He worked hard to keep his voice even as he watched her face for her reaction.

She cut her eyes sideways at him, “Maybe, but it’s not just that either. It’s…everything.”

“You know I’m here if you ever want to talk. About anything.”

She smiled softly, “I miss our talks.”

“Me too,” he admitted, “I want us to be friends, Riley. Like we were before we dated. I mean, if we’re not going to be together, can we at least go back to being friends? I regret the distance that’s between us now. I don’t want to go back to Princeton and spend another semester not talking to you!”

“That would actually make me really happy,” She gave him a brilliant smile.

Liam hadn’t wanted to break up with her…it changed everything… and nothing.

She couldn’t turn off her feelings for Liam, but she also couldn’t take back what had happened with Drake or the feelings that had unlocked within her.

She needed time, and space, to process everything.

Liam’s phone dinged. He pulled it out and scanned the text, then looked up at Riley, “Drake wants to know if we want to meet out on the roof.”

Riley’s face lit up, “Hell fucking yeah! Talk about just like old times!”

Five minutes later the three of them climbed out of a second-story window and dropped onto the roof of the first-floor kitchen.

They climbed up the peaked roof of the living room and clambered up onto the roof of the second story.

The sound of barely suppressed giggles and quiet shushing noises drifted across the sharp stillness of the night as the lifelong friends made their way to the spot where three gables came together, giving them a place to sit as well as hiding them from the view of anyone on the ground.

Riley shivered inside her jacket as she lowered herself into sitting on the cold shingles, Liam on one side of her, Drake on the other.

Both boys scooted closer to her, and she relaxed into the shared body heat.

They all three tipped their heads back to watch the stars twinkle in the night sky hoping to catch a glimpse of some meteors from the annual Ursid shower as they streaked towards the earth, just like they’d done every year since they were twelve.

She was acutely aware of each of them as they pressed close against her on either side.

They were both intrinsic parts of the fabric of her life and always had been.

She hadn’t lost Liam; their relationship had just changed.

Her relationship with Drake had changed too, but she wasn’t sure exactly how. All the reasons she couldn’t be with Liam also applied to Drake.

There was an entire world out there waiting for them to explore and conquer.

They couldn’t set sail together, but maybe they could be a homeport for each other.

“Hey,” she said softly, “Let’s agree that no matter what else is going on in our lives, we’re going to be right here doing this exact thing next Christmas.”

“Agreed,” Drake answered quickly.

Liam smiled in the darkness as his hand found hers and squeezed gently, “It’s a date.”

#choicesholidays #holiday season #college au #trr au #angst #the royal romance #texas version #angelasscribbles #the royal romance fanfic #trr fanfic #choices the royal romance #trr #choices fic writers creations #cfwc fics of the week

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johnnyraine · 1 year

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Kiss to Achieve (Smut!)

Otaro Dojima/Eight (Todome no Kiss) x Male Reader

Summary: Y/n gets stuck in a Groundhog Day week with a man who’s chasing money.

Words: 1805

Tags: Kissing, Handjobs, Frottage, No Penetration

30th of September, 2023

XXX

'This is weird,' You think.

You've been stuck in a Groundhog Day situation. The first time, you were going to a cafe to meet Namiki Mikoto, when you were interrupted by the same man. He was dressed smartly, whereas you were dressed more casually.

“Eight?” Mikoto said, seemingly just as surprised by his appearance.

“Mikoto? Funny running into you here,” He said, smiling.

At the time you didn’t notice that he sort of gave you a look, but after multiple repeats, you’ve noticed. Though you still haven’t figured out what it means. But anyway, the interaction carried on.

“Eight?” You asked, curious not only about him but his name.

“Oh, uh Y/n, this is Eight… a host.”

You thought for a moment, “...Like a host club?”

She gave an affirmative, to which you told her you don’t judge. You did, admittedly. Just a bit, but that’s her own life.

After the introductions, you’d thought this “Eight” seemed to be a nice enough fellow, if not a bit persistent. You could be wrong but it seemed like he was trying to get rid of you. If so, he failed. You kept talking with Mikoto as he entered with his own two cents every now and then.

When the conversation came to an end, you waved to the two and turned to leave.

“AH!” You started, getting their attention. “I forgot.”

Turning back to face Mikoto, you said, “Can you spare some time tomorrow? I’d love to catch up with you and maybe show me around a bit.”

Mikoto broke into a smile, “Of course. I’ll call you later for a time.”

You nodded and left.

~~~~~

Then you woke up to the same day.

At first, it wasn’t even very clear. Merely another day with some sense of deja vu. Even the repeating conversation didn’t tip you off.

In hindsight multiple things should have most definitely tipped you off: the fact that Eight cut you off before you could ask Mikoto to meet up, though you just called her later for that; and the most glaring being that SEVEN DAYS had passed before it all repeated.

Somehow it didn’t tip you off. Just some heavy sense of Deja vu occurred throughout the week.

~~~~~

But you can only repeat the same week so many times before you realize, “I may have a pattern for my days, but I don’t normally meet these people.”

You refuse to think about how long it took you to realize, but here you are, an hour early to your meeting with Mikoto because somehow every time You show up on time, Eight is early. Then you show up early, then he shows up earlier. And it just goes on and on. Almost as if the universe wants you not to ask Mikoto to meet up again. Ridiculous.

Five minutes pass and there he is. That handsome, smartly dressed man.

You admit that the knowledge of your constant do-overs has given you enough “confidence” to just openly check him out.

“Not back,” You mutter.

Your gaze roams over his body before going back up to his face. Which shows a familiar look of annoyance.

He turns and mutters something and though you can’t hear him, you’re certain it’s nothing good.

This has happened before, so you’re fine.

He sits across from you and you two sit in silence. Waiting for Mikoto.

Once she does, it begins.

“Eight?” She says, stunned to see you two sitting with each other.

“Mi-” Eight begins, only for you to cut him off.

“Mikoto!” You stand, giving her a hug. “I haven’t seen you in so long. How have you been?”

After you pull back from a shocked Mikoto, she replies, “I-I’m fine, Y/n. Uh, how do you two know each other?”

As she looks between you two, you open your mouth, but it’s Eight’s turn to interrupt.

“I was passing by when I heard Y/n talking about you and I just wanted to say hi.”

Mikoto looked unconvinced but with you not denying it, she goes along. You all order some snacks and drinks as the conversation carries on with new differences and few recurrences. Taking a sip from your drink as Eight and Mikoto talk, you shrug and throw out the question.

“Hey, Mikoto,” You say, getting her attention. And immediately Eight knows. “Can w-AH!”

He kicked you. Eight kicked you under the table, making you spill your drink on yourself.

‘That’s a first,’ You think for a short moment.

In the next, you exclaim, “Dude!”

“Are you okay, Y/n?” Mikoto asks, looking for napkins.

“Looks like there’s been an accident,” Eight says before smiling at you. “Why don’t we get some napkins?”

He excuses you both from the table, dragging you toward the cafe, before taking you around the corner when Mikoto stops looking.

Pushing you against the wall, he says, “What do I have to do to get rid of you?!”

“Okay so I was right, you’re a part of this whole Groundhog Day situation.”

“What?” He looks confused.

“You haven’t seen Groundhog Day?” You ask. “Serio-”

“That’s not important!” He cuts you off.

Eight stares at you for a moment before making an odd face, “Fine. How about I take you out on a date and you leave?”

“Huh?”

You must be making a face because he purses his lips in anger.

“Mate, tha-”

“How about I spend a night with you?” He says with more of a fake smile.

You cough, choking on your own spit. By the time you recover, he seems even more annoyed.

“Tha- Uh.” You rub your forehead, fidgeting. “Not that I would be opposed, it’s just that deal seems a tad iff- MMPH!”

Eight rolled his eyes before bringing you into a kiss. Not even, a full-on makeout session. His tongue enters your mouth, rolling over your stunned tongue. As your breath quickens, he sucks on your tongue before flicking it with his and pulling back.

“Well?” He demands.

“Uh… fuck.” Not your best response, but concise.

He gives you a dry smile, “Wait here.”

He disappears for a moment before returning. Not even telling you what he said to excuse you both, he grabs your wrist and drags you along to wherever. As he does so, you think one thing.

‘If Eight’s this good, I wonder how good One is?’

You seriously consider visiting his host club.

~~~~~

You stand in a pretty expensive room.

“So…wha- mmph.” Eight kisses you again.

As your arms wrap around his waist, you can’t help thinking, ‘There is a lot of interrupting in this “relationship” of ours.’

The kiss doesn’t last as long as before. Eight pushes you onto the bed, landing on your back. He starts to take off his clothes, loosening his tie before tossing it to the ground along with his shoes.

He motions to you, “Undress.”

Doing so, you kick off your shoes and toss your shirt before getting to your pants, at which point you remember to ask, “Are you topping?”

“Yes,” He says like it’s obvious.

“Then no.” Your reply is immediate.

“Why not?” His eye twitches as his jaw moves side to side.

“Well, I don’t want to bottom, nor do I know you well enough to even consider.”

He stares at you, his bare chest just there to ogle. Which you do. He takes a breath and starts to redress.

“Meet me back here,” He says, buttoning his shirt.

Catching on, you stop him, “Wait! How about we just stick to basic stuff? No…”

You motion, “Penetration.”

He considers it for a moment, “And the deal still stands?”

“Yes.”

XXX

The both of you end up kneeling on the bed, facing each other. For a moment’s hesitation, he brings into a heated kiss. Expecting it, you give back your own force. Your tongue enters his mouth before he has a chance, following in his examples and rolling over his rolling.

As your tongues practically replace any penetration, trying fuck the other’s mouth, your hands wander between his open button-up. Your fingers brush against his abs and sides. Your thumb flicks a nipple, eliciting a strained moan from him, making you smirk against his lips.

Felling it, Eight grips your hair, pulling you deeper into the kiss.

His tongue enters your mouth, forcing your tongue down, running his over it. You openly moan into his mouth.

With practiced ease, you open his pants and grab his cock.

You feel his fingers twitch and tighten and you pull back, “Already this hard, Eight?”

Stroking his hardening cock, you smirk as he sneers at you before doing the same.

You groan, leaning into his neck as he teases the tip.

“Y-you pretty good,” You stutter.

“I Am the best host,” He says with evident pride.

You huff against his neck before nipping and sucking on it, certain to leave hickies.

Your mixed groans and moans fill your ears as he leans his head back. Shifting closer, you take his hand off, replacing it with your own and pressing your cocks together. Feeling the heat from each other’s hardened members, you bring him into a kiss and jerk each other off.

The mess of your kissing doesn’t bother you, they way your teeth sometimes brush each other as you feverishly go from sucking his tongue to biting his bottom lip. The excitement gets to Eight as well, his hips thrust up into your touch, speeding up his own climax.

“Eight,” You rasp.

Eight grabs your shoulders as he tenses up. Feeling how close he is, you speed up your ministrations, thrusting into your own hand and against his throbbing member. You bite your lip and let out a low groan as you both cum, covering your hand and the bed in your hot seed.

Gasping, you slowly stop your movements and let go.

Looking at your hand, you burst into laughter.

“What?” Eight looks at you in question, catching his own breath.

“I. Apparently made the best host. Cum, first try,” You say between breaths.

You continue laughing for a while before cleaning up.

As you get dressed, you ask him, “I know we have a deal, but I have to ask. Do you think Mikoto and I are interested in each other?”

Eight pauses for a long moment before slowly turning his head to you, he grits out, “You’re not?”

You burst into laughter once more, “No. We’re old friends, met some years ago when we were younger. Less rich.”

He narrows his eyes, catching that last bit.

“Rich?”

“Yeah, back then I was worth a little under nine hundred million. Now, thanks to some cruel deals,” You rush that last bit. “I’m somewhere around a hundred billion.”

If you could only hear the cha-ching sound, you’d know you just gained a husband.

#otaro dojima x male reader #dojima otaro x male reader #Todome no Kiss x Male Reader #kiss that kills x male reader #x male reader #male reader smut #I stayed up late to write this because I'm a bitch at time management.

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tiggymalvern · 1 year

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Burn Notice - season 6 rewatch

My rewatch of season 6 didn’t change my take on any of the main events. It did prod me into a few other thoughts, though, mostly about what isn’t there. It made me curious about Sam’s family. Seven years, and he only refers to his blood relatives twice – first when he tells Michael about how he stole an air rifle when he was ten, and his dad had the cops put him in a cell to teach him a lesson. Then when Elsa’s son is talking to him about how hard it is trying to deal with parental expectations when you’re not what they want you to be. That’s all we get. And maybe Sam’s parents are dead, maybe he’s an only child (less common in that generation than now), but no talk of aunts, uncles, cousins, anybody? We get Jesse’s tragic backstory and why this disaster of a found family are all he has, but Sam’s situation seems to be the same and nobody mentions it. This is a man who’s turned being likeable into a professional skill. He cultivates an entire network of people who’ll risk their careers, and in some cases jail, feeding him confidential information, because they think he’s a nice guy. But apparently his own relatives don’t like him, or he’s avoiding them. There has to be something bad there, right? And honestly, it fits my headcanon perfectly well, because my Sam is bisexual, and if his family discovered that in the 1970s or early 80s, that would explain everything. But I’m curious if the writers ever had any thoughts on it, because we have some very specific details on background, childhood and family for the other three main characters, while Sam’s just a big blank space for everything except his career. The other thing notably missing is any interaction between Madeleine and her adopted ducklings after Nate is killed. They all show up for the funeral, but otherwise they’re entirely conspicuous by their absence. Which is understandable, because she’s furious, and not just with Michael (she specifically says there’s enough blame there for everybody) and nobody would be enthusiastic about putting themselves into that line of fire. But at the same time, Madeleine’s flailing, and Michael’s flailing, and every time he tries to mend fences with his mother she vents her anger on him, and everyone just steers clear and leaves them to it? That’s... harsh. And not just on Madeleine and Michael, because a stressed out and emotion-driven Michael isn’t particularly pleasant or safe to be around. Sam definitely knows that, and Fiona must too. Jesse might not – yet. And honestly, he’s getting a pass from me because he hasn’t known Madeleine for as long as the others, so he’s not best placed to be running interference. But Fiona and Sam? Trying to mitigate and defuse the tensions between the surviving Westens would almost count as self-preservation, given the alternative of leaving Michael struggling to deal with it all. In many ways, they have a better relationship with Madeleine than Michael does, because they’ve really only known her at her best – they don’t have all the years of baggage and failed trust with her that Michael has. Fiona has a good enough relationship with Madeleine that she keeps in touch with her even after she’s given up on Michael and she’s living with someone else. How many people still hang out with their ex’s mum? Sam lived with Maddie for a while, which is more than adult Michael ever did – Michael turned up in Miami broke and homeless, and went around begging favours from anyone he knew rather than go to his mum’s house. And Sam could probably get away with a bit more on the Nate front because he had nothing to do with it, he was with Maddie and Barry the whole time. But if they make any attempt to help Madeleine and Michael in their grief and guilt and recriminations, we don’t see it. Apart from the funeral, we don’t see Maddie with any of her ducklings until after everything's gone to hell (hello, stressed out and emotion-driven Michael!) and they’re all literally running for their lives. After Maddie’s told Michael that she has to forgive him (and by extension the rest of the gang) or she’ll lose him too. So did they actually all ghost Madeleine all that time, or did they try and we weren’t shown it? Because if they did just keep their heads down and wait for it to blow over, they are godawful friends. On medical stuff – I have SUCH a love/hate relationship with the cruise ship episode. This is the Pearce I really wish we’d seen more of, because she’s awesome when she’s allowed to take a big role in Burn Notice shenanigans. But the ep also drives me up the wall, because nobody is remotely consistent on whether they’re talking about bacteria or a virus. And no, that’s not how a Gram stain works. Or what it does. The writers went to so much trouble for that scene where Michael’s rehearsing how to fake being an infectious disease specialist – trying to learn all the CBCs and PLTs and PTTs – they obviously looked some of that up. So why didn’t they double check the basics? AAAAARRRRGGHH. Sometimes they obviously checked. When Sam gets shot, most of the detail there is pretty good. Not all of it, but I’ll accept there’s a limit to what you can show, and what you can mock up for Network TV. But the consequences of delaying treatment for an abdominal gunshot wound, that’s all nailed. Even when you’re not bleeding significantly, if you delay surgery for 24 hours, the survival rate drops to 50% because the septic peritonitis kills people. Probably, like everything else on these shows, it came down to time, and the writers didn’t have enough of it to look up everything. But seriously, they could have given the cruise ship script to someone with any kind of medical or microbiology training for an hour and had it fixed. Any vet tech/nurse could have made those edits and made it a really good, fun ep that doesn't make me want to scream...

#burn notice #rewatch #season six

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legend-the-goblin-man · 1 year

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The Ol' Velseb Smile: CH 1

Chapter One: Crimson Was The Devil and His Associates

I'm planning on uploading this to AO3 with time but I didn't have an account so I'm posting it here for now.

TW Heads Up: Character Death (multiple), Asphyxiation, Drugging (tranquilizers/sedatives)

Also I apologies in advance for poor Spanish, I'm not well practiced with the language. If I have grammatical errors feel free to inform me - I'm happy correct them.

Inside a decrepit mansion on the outskirts of a small town were seven figures in red hooded robes. There was the dim glow of ceremonial candles and the ethereal blue glimmer from the amulets around their necks. They stood around a pentagram in the middle of the floor. It was drawn in white chalk with strange symbols copied from ancient demonic tomes and alchemic symbols of days of old within the ring and star. Small currents of acrid black smoke that reeked of burning hair and hot metal sizzled from the corners of the ring. The wood underneath remained intact but it was clear the protective symbol was doing its job as the restrained demon within was trapped within the hellish smoke.

The demon had a crazed look in his eyes as it watched the cult members talk amongst themselves. They had restrained the beast in a straight jacket and a muzzle to match. Drool poured out of the holes of the muzzle as the devil panted with a sinister eagerness to rip into the flesh of those around him. As time went by and the cultists continued to talk and joke amongst themselves the sedatives in the demon’s system began to wear off and he slowly became more.. lucid. It’d be Bob’s first semi-lucid interaction in five years. When the cultists broke him out the past Halloweens to be a distraction for their annual ritual he always still had something in his system that the prison used to keep him more.. agreeable. However, despite his mind becoming clearer he still wasn’t completely awake to the degree he wished to be. He felt his brain actually start to fully understand what he was seeing and hearing. It wasn’t like a dream anymore. Despite the fog in his brain clearing words still appeared to escape him. All he could do was breathe and drool, his mind still stuck on the goal of satisfying its vile hunger.

“Okay so we got Bob restrained, but-” A younger sounding voice under one of the red hoods spoke up. Bob didn’t recognize it. Perhaps a newer member from his time in prison. The younger cultist gave a wary glance at Bob before speaking again. “-we don’t know how we’re going to release him without casualties.”

At the younger’s cultists uncertainty a more familiar voice began asking questions. “Does he even know what’s happening?” The tired voice was immediately recognized by Bob - Ignacio. A grumpy bastard that chatted with him around closing at his restaurant. The realization he recognized someone made Bob lurch against the ring of smoke trapping him with delirium, desperate for some familiarity with how altered his senses were.

When he couldn’t get past the barrier of smoke Bob thought more on Ignacio’s pondering. He indeed did not know what the fuck was happening. In the corner of his eye he could see he was wearing his devil horns that make up his costume. He doesn’t recall putting them on but then again he doesn’t recall the past five years all that coherently. However, he became acutely aware that he also can’t feel the headband that keeps the horns on his head…. or his hair for that matter. He was wondering if his semi-drugged state just made it difficult to sense the feelings he was more accustomed to until a strong feminine voice made itself known.

“Does it matter?” The words came up cold as ice. Bob stared a bit at the current leader as she made her verdict. “This is just a trial run. We’re just gonna let him do what he wants before he eventually gets caught again.” Bob just stared at her in disbelief. He wondered if this is what they did with him every year. If this is how they talked about him after his incarceration. He gave a lot to the cult to be able to live the life he wanted and they didn’t even have his best interests at heart in his lowest point. “Not like he can go back to his old life anyway.” The merciless voice’s words stung like a frozen dagger in the back of the skull. Bob was utterly shattered at that statement. He wanted it to be wrong but the more he thought about it there really was no way to get back what he lost. His family has moved on without him. His daughter has moved on without him. It only added more salt to the wound that the person that betrayed him - didn’t even let him explain himself - was the one to get to raise HIS daughter. His heart beat heavily with anger and despair at fully grasping what he’s lost in his moment of sobriety in five years. The drooling slowed and his eyes became misty. The continued conversation was lost to him as he drifted deeper in his memories within the imprisoning smoke, thinking about everything he didn’t get to do in the last five years.

“Shoot him with as many tranquilizers as it takes then unrestrain him. Once that’s done, toss him in the back of a truck and dump him on the edge of town.” The leader’s voice commanded the other cultists. One of the robed figures gave a curt nod and rushed up the stairs. Others mingled about the situation but one member, the most senior of the bunch, approached the proud leader.

“Perdon amiga.” The eldest member spoke up. As he approached the leader of the cult his head turned towards the demon in the pentagram. Sympathy filled his non-existent heart looking on at his former friend. “We were amigos. I could speak with him.” The eldest offered. He was not turned away by the transformation the cult has done to Bob. No, he is well familiar with the cult changing one’s appearance. “I lack flesh, so he has no reason to eat me.” He rationalized. He’s had to witness Bob’s life moving on without him for five years. Despite what the cult has done to his friend this would be the perfect opportunity to try to do some good on his friend’s behalf. Transforming Bob and dumping the demon was the cult obviously cutting ties with an apparent liability, so if the cult didn’t want the cannibal anymore it seemed like an ample time for the eldest member to save his friend from this cycle one more time.

There was a moment of consideration in the leader’s silence. However, the following words were crushing to the eldest member. “No. We need your access to finances. We won’t take the risk.” Her head snapped to one of their newer members walking down the steps with the accursed rifle in both hands, loaded with the tranquilizers. Pity swelled in the eldest’s non-existent heart for his friend knowing what’s going to come next. It would seem he would have to go back to his original plan. All he can hope for going forward is his friend’s cooperation.

“Understood senorita.” The eldest gave a respectful bow of the head before turning away from the inevitable sight. He felt his bones wince in empathy with each shot of the rifle and the growl of pain from the demon as the dart lodged into his new crimson skin. The eldest stood in place for a moment, readying himself for the next twenty-four hours. Everything had to go perfectly. He was never getting this opportunity again and if it all went wrong the cult would wipe away his free will and make him a mindless immortal servant. To have any excuse to get away from the scene he pulled the truck keys out of his back pocket and walked outside to get the vehicle started.

The newer scouts went along with him on the drive to the edge of town. They helped him drop Bob into the grass of a ditch on the side of the road. As the two scouts returned to the truck the eldest member kneeled down to the demon, looking down at him with remorse in his hollowed eyes.

“Perdonme, hermano.” Grief filled his words, uncertain what would become of his friend before the night was over. As he walked back into the truck he heard the shallow gasps of the demon. He turned his head back to get one last look at his transformed friend. The demon’s eyes were wide with some kind of horror, perhaps a hallucination from the tranquilizers. The breaths were shallow but had some kind of vigor to them, as if each breath required more energy than normal. Finally he entered the truck as the cultists drove back to the mansion to perform their annual ritual. The demon was now left to his own devices.

Bob continued to breathe while paralyzed on the cold grass. His breaths slowly got shorter. The blood in his veins started to feel cold. His vision went dark but his eyes were wide open. For a few moments everything vanished. It felt like he body didn’t exist anymore. Then suddenly colors came back and he let out a desperate gasp for air as a humming within his chest revitalized him. His amulet, he realized. His amulet was inside him and he felt the dull aching hum that consumed his body whenever it healed an injury. He was confused for a moment what part of him healed at first, but as he still felt himself paralyzed, ideas flooded his head. “Did I die!?” His mind raced to know what just happened to him. “It felt like my heart stopped!” He begins to recall the horrific feeling of his entire body shutting down. Then it started again. His breathing got shorter despite how much air he tried to suck into his lungs. Then he realized he wasn’t actually pulling any air into his body. It felt like he was using every muscle to suck in oxygen with his lungs but the organ actually barely moved, stalled heavily from the tranquilizers. “I CAN’T BREATHE! I CAN’T BREATHE!!” He screamed internally as he kept trying to force his lungs to pull in air to no avail. He could feel his heart slowing again, lungs collapsing from no air, blood going cold. “I’M GOING TO DIE AGAIN!” He realized in cold horror alone in a ditch. His paralyzed body and semi-drugged mind pleaded to undo what was in the process of happening but it couldn’t be stopped. As the sun set and the stars filled the sky the devil’s heart stopped and started a dozen times over before he could finally take a full breath.

#spooky month #bob velseb #oc #fanfic #The Ol Velseb Smile #tw death #tw asphyxiation #tw drugs #my man not havin a good time #also sorry for sloppy spanish here and going forward

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elliesbelle · 1 year

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nobody compares to you

chapter 4

pairing: ellie x reader

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, dealer!ellie, also toxic!ellie kind of, mentions of marijuana, sexual speech and content, brief mention of straight girls experimenting with lesbianism, toxic family relationships, lesbian situationship, descriptions and mentions of death & grieving, depressive episodes, cheating if you squint but it's more betrayal than cheating really?, bad driving for like two seconds, description and mention of vomit, minors do not interact

word count: 7k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

Freshman Year, Early Spring

“Are you coming to Jess and Els’ later tonight?” Dina asked, snuggling your pink stuffed bear and laying upside down at the head of your bed with her legs outstretched to the ceiling.

“Hmm?” You said, distracted. You were rummaging in your messy drawers, trying to find the other pair of a sock you were currently holding in your hand.

“Ellie said she wants to do a post-midterm celebration with a movie night, which just means we’re gonna watch some lame old sci-fi movie that she and Jesse picked out.”

“Maybe,” You said, tossing the sock into the other contents of the drawer, giving up. “Can’t stay too late, though. Raf is picking me up really early in the morning tomorrow.”

“Ooh, can I finally meet The Hottie Cousin Rafael in person?” Dina said, dropping her legs and turning onto her belly to face you.

You rolled your eyes and said, “You have Jesse, Dina.”

She shrugged and said, “I bet Hottie Cousin Rafael wouldn’t make me watch lame movies all the time.”

“Raf is far nerdier than Jesse is, I promise.”

“If he’s as hot as he looks on FaceTime, his hotness will cancel out the nerdiness.”

You scrunched up your nose in disgust at Dina’s thirsting after your de facto older brother.

“I’m not the best judge, but Jesse’s not not hot.”

Dina laughed.

“I’m telling El you said that.”

Your cheeks flushed as you said, “She’ll just say the same thing!”

“All men are basically ugly in Ellie’s eyes. She’ll say, ‘Jesse’s the uglier version of a walker from The Walking Dead’ or some shit like that.”

You giggled, knowing that was probably true.

“Do you have to leave early for spring break?” Dina whined.

You gave her a sad smile.

“Sorry, D. You know how my mother is.”

Dina groaned and, pointing to the plushie she was holding, said, “Barbie Bear, when will you come to life at night Toy Story-style and finally horrifically murder this awful lady?”

“Dina!” You exclaimed, grabbing your pink bear from her. “Don’t you corrupt Barbie Bear! She is an innocent soul!”

“Oh, she’s been corrupted already,” Dina said, snatching Barbie Bear back. “I’m sure she’s been a witness to the deplorable things you and Ellie have gotten up to in here.”

“Dina!” You squealed once more, blushing furiously and hiding your face behind your hands. “She and I have not!”

“Oh please,” Dina rolled her eyes. “Ellie comes back to her and Jesse’s place the morning after spending the night here with the same cocky ass look that Jesse has after we fuck.”

“Oh my god—”

Dina cackled and you giggled nervously.

“So are you two officially together now or—?”

“Who, me and Ellie?” You asked.

“No, you and Jesse.” Dina said sarcastically, throwing Barbie Bear at you.

You caught the bear at the last second, laughing as you climbed onto your bed with her and handed the plushie back to her.

“Shut up!” You giggled. “But, umm. I’m not really sure what we are, if I’m being honest.”

Dina groaned and said, “Ugh, you’re both useless!”

“I’ve only had one real girlfriend before!”

“So has Ellie!”

“Then ask her instead!”

“Oh, I have.” Dina said, raising her eyebrows.

You perked up suddenly.

“Wait, what did she say?”

“Oh my god, can you two just have the talk already?!” Dina groaned, exasperated at her friends’ incompetence.

You blushed harder than ever.

“I just… I just don’t know if she feels the same way I do.”

Dina rolled her eyes.

“You’re the first person she texts every morning, and mind you, Ellie hates texting. She will spend an hour in that stupid Jeep of hers in the parking lot outside until you get home from class just to hang out with you. Three of her five hoodies are somewhere here in your room right now. Tara told me that you’ve sexiled her at least twice already.”

“We have not!”

“Honey, she literally spent two separate nights at mine and Astrid’s because you and Ellie were over here—”

Dina made a circle with her right thumb and pointer finger and repeatedly inserted her left pointer in it.

“OH MY GOD—” You screamed into a pillow.

Dina was over the moon teasing you as you grabbed your blanket and hid underneath it.

“I need to offer to do her laundry for two weeks or something,” You said, your voice muffled from beneath the covers. “I’m the worst roommate ever.”

Dina chuckled, saying, “Don’t worry, she likes you and Ellie together. Just maybe shoot her a warning text before you two wanna scissor, or whatever you lesbians do.”

“Oh please, like you and Ellie never did anything together.” You said, emerging from underneath your blanket.

“Okay, first of all,” Dina said, putting up one finger. “Ellie and I kissed once at our sophomore homecoming dance, and that was just to make Jesse jealous.”

You chuckled.

Dina put up a second finger.

“Two, it was like kissing a cousin, so that obviously resulted in zero sexual scenarios whatsoever from that point on. I have never once been compelled to call Ellie ‘daddy’ ever in my life.”

You screamed into your pillow once more at this.

Dina put both fingers down and put her middle finger up.

“And three, I have had gay sex with women before, but they were both also bisexual and there was no scissoring involved!”

You were laughing uncontrollably now with Dina attacking you with Barbie Bear.

“Okay, okay!” You giggled, attempting to shield yourself. “Why are we talking about scissoring again?”

“Because!”

One hit from Barbie Bear.

“You are avoiding!”

Another hit from Barbie Bear.

“My questions!”

A third hit from Barbie Bear.

“About you!”

An additional hit from Barbie Bear.

“And Ellie!”

A final hit from Barbie Bear that landed on your face.

You snatched your stuffed animal away from Dina before she could swing it once more, pulling it away from her reach.

“Okay, no more abusing me with Barbie Bear!” You said.

She chuckled.

“And…” You started, serious now. “I’ve never experienced this before. I’ve had one real girlfriend, which was a high school disaster.”

You sighed.

“I briefly saw that one girl Adriana at the beginning of the year before we both realized she was just a rebound to my ex. I’ve hooked up with a few other girls since, and I was even Rebecca’s first lesbian college experiment kiss before she realized she was just straight.”

Dina was sitting straight up now, staring at you intently and listening attentively. You pulled Barbie Bear into your chest.

“Ellie is… she feels different. Something in my heart just yearns for her. She makes me feel like I must have done something so great in a past life that her just being in my life is the reward. She makes me feel forgiven and understood and—”

You paused your Ellie sermon when you made eye contact with Dina, who was looking at you with a soft expression.

“Sorry!” You threw your hands up apologetically and proceeded to cover your face with them in embarrassment. “I sound like a 12-year-old experiencing their first real crush!”

Dina chuckled and pulled your hands away from your face.

“No, you don’t. You sound like someone who Ellie deserves to have in her life, someone who sees her fully and appreciates all the good and bad. She’s gone through her own fair share of romantic and sexual bullshit too, and knowing that she now has you?”

Dina placed an affectionate hand on your cheek.

“I know that I don’t have to worry anymore.”

“Dina, you’re gonna make me cry right now.”

Dina leaned back into your pillows, laughing.

“You started it!”

“You sounded like you were giving away a bride!”

“Wow, not even officially together yet, but somehow you’re already getting married.”

You groaned and flopped onto your back.

“I love her, Dina.”

“No shit, babe.”

After the talk you had with Dina, you both went over to Jesse and Ellie’s dorm room. Even though Jesse was a sophomore and Ellie a freshman, they were somehow able to convince the campus housing department to let them room together after both their roommates dropped out during the first month of classes.

The “lame old sci-fi movie” that they’d picked out turned out to be Jurassic Park, which you’d already seen several times, courtesy of your nerdy older cousin Rafael. Dina was playfully criticizing every little bit of the movie to tease Jesse, who was taking her critiques to heart. As the couple were lovingly bickering with each other on the floor, you and Ellie sat on her bed underneath a blanket.

You leaned against her shoulder while she was tracing patterns on the palm of your hand. Though she was concentrated on the movie, she would habitually give you a kiss on top of your head, sometimes following with her nose nuzzling your hair. She’d not said she loved you so far, but gestures like this felt like her way of saying it. You felt warm and content and the happiest you’ve ever been in your life.

After Jesse convinced the rest of you to watch the movie’s sequel (as punishment to Dina for talking through the first), you’d made up your mind to change your spring break plans.

You were still planning on returning home for the break, but since Ellie, Dina, and Jesse were spending the weekend on campus and not returning to their hometown until Monday, you resolved to at least spend more time with them. You knew that two weeks of spring break didn’t seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things. But the thought of being away from your friends whom you loved so deeply, but especially from Ellie, hurt far more than it did when you left home for college in the first place.

And after your talk with Dina earlier that day, you’d also decided to be honest with Ellie about your feelings for her before you briefly went your separate ways. You knew that maybe it wasn’t the greatest timing to profess your love for the girl of your dreams right before zero physical contact for fourteen days. But Dina helped you further realize the affection you had for Ellie, and you knew you couldn’t go home without letting her know. You also figured that if all went wrong, you could always use the two weeks to save face before returning to campus.

During the scene with Jeff Goldblum and Julianne Moore’s characters are hiding in a trailer from the T-Rex parents, you texted your cousin Rafael.

A minute or two passed before he responded.

You reply immediately.

Three text bubbles loaded for a second before two texts appeared.

You felt your cheeks burn.

You could almost feel your cousin chuckling through text.

You breathed a sigh of relief and gratitude.

You smiled, your heart full and thankful for your favourite cousin.

Jesse whooped and Dina squealed as she pulled you into a tight hug when you told them you were leaving in two days instead of the next morning. Ellie didn’t say much in the moment, but you felt a glow of happiness radiating from her at the news. When your friends had settled down and continued the movie, Ellie pulled you closer to her and wrapped her arms around you. You leaned into her embrace as she silently decorated your neck with kisses, resolving to call your mother tomorrow morning to break the news.

You never made that call.

You awoke to your phone buzzing angrily underneath your pillow. Discombobulated, you didn’t fully perceive your surroundings. You’d fallen asleep on Ellie’s bed, still wrapped in her arms. Jesse and Dina had eventually migrated at some point in the night to Jesse’s bed and were sound asleep. You saw that Ellie had plugged your phone into her charger after you’d fallen asleep. Stroking her hair lightly as she slept, you looked at your phone to see it was your mother calling.

Before accepting the call, you’d seen that you had 7 missed calls and 4 voicemails. You groaned. Was your mother really that upset?

You didn’t seem that alarmed until you saw that only 6 of those calls and 3 of those voicemails were from your mother. One of each was from your uncle, Rafael’s father.

Why is Uncle calling me? Did she guilt him into guilting me to come home?

Sighing, you finally accepted your mother’s call.

Ellie, Jesse, and Dina all awoke to you screaming. All three were at different levels of disorientation at first, but upon seeing your shrieking figure having fallen to the floor, they all rushed to your side. No one seemed sure what to do at first, other than trying to stand you up (to no avail) and ask what was wrong. It was Dina who snapped into sense first, noticing that you were still on a call with your mother.

She picked up the phone, rushed through an introduction, and worryingly inquired what was happening. Ellie and Jesse watched as her mouth fell open and her eyes widened with shock. She listened to your mother for a minute or two before bringing the other two into the loop.

Your cousin Rafael was killed in a hit-and-run that morning. Since he was no longer tasked to bring you home that day, he made impromptu plans with old college friends to meet up for an early morning coffee. He was crossing an intersection on the way to the café when a car decided to run a red light. He died on impact.

Your spring break was consumed completely by black clothing, floral wreaths of white lilies and roses, and an overstocked fridge of homemade food that your family barely touched. You saw no happy faces, only red eyes and quivering lips. You were torn out of the blissful bubble of your college life into a waking, familial nightmare.

Rafael was your first cousin and not your brother. But it was as if at birth, he claimed you as his sister and the rest was history.

Everyone who knew either of you was aware of the sibling bond you’d shared. He was the most important person to you for the first 18 years of your life. More than your parents, more than any other family member, more than any of your friends. Saying that he was your best friend was an understatement.

The two weeks back home with your family were a black haze. You remained locked up in your room for the majority of the time, and when your presence was required, you spoke only when spoken to. You alternated between fits of sobbing and near-comatose states.

Your only comfort was your uncle, Rafael’s father. You never knew your parents to give genuine love and affection, so you grew up seeing your uncle as a parental figure. Even as he raised Rafael alone as a single father, he often took you under his wing and provided you with a place of home away from your parents’ house.

Your parents, especially your mother, were preoccupied with putting on the show of a broken family to sympathizers. It was your uncle who made sure you continued to eat and drink every day. He was the one to give you the gentle push to leave your room for the funeral, knowing that you’d one day regret not going. He even spoke to your friends on the phone when you’d stopped responding. By the end of your spring break, Dina had his personal phone number so she could call twice a day for daily updates, which she would promptly share with Jesse and Ellie.

Unlike your mother, your uncle placed no blame on you for his son’s death. He knew that the one true person to blame was the careless driver in the car that hit him. But your mother was a different story.

In those last few days before you needed to return to campus, your mother enlightened you with her true feelings.

She had decided your “selfishness” in inconveniencing your family was what decided Rafael’s fate. If he had been on his way to pick you up from college, he never would have been crossing that intersection. According to her, you’d placed insignificant people you’d known for less than a year over your own family.

If you were a weaker person, you’d have crumbled under her accusations. She was quite skilled in twisting the truth to her point of view, and she was skilled even more so in making people believe the worst of themselves. But Rafael and your uncle raised you better. You may not have been the most secure person growing up, but they made you feel loved.

Despite your mother’s malice, you were grateful for her outburst. It snapped you back into reality. Your fury at your mother reminded you that Rafael would not have wanted you to give in to her guilt.

You knew that his death was not your fault. Of course you were still grieving, but you loved Rafael so much that you would not allow your mother to force you back into a state of living death. Your uncle made sure of this when he drove you back to campus.

The few hours drive to your dorm, you and your uncle had the most intense and intimate conversation you’d ever had with him. You bawled, you even smiled and laughed a few times, and you talked about the future. It pained you to watch him drive away, the last real living connection you had left to Rafael.

You may not have been the depressive zombie you were at the news of Rafael’s death, but you no longer lived blissfully in your college bubble. Still, your friends remained sympathetic and loving as you dealt with your grief.

Ellie remained just as caring and affectionate, at least at first. She made sure to spend all her free time with you to make sure you weren’t left alone to spiral into your depressive thoughts. She didn’t try anything sexual with you and made sure to respect your mourning boundaries. She even set an alarm every week to make sure you were on time for your video therapy sessions (your uncle set you up with a therapist to make sure you remained stable).

To the outside observer, your grieving process was progressing naturally and healthily. You barely missed class, you still saw your friends on a regular basis, you weren’t bursting out in tears (or so most of your friends thought). No one else felt the need to worry about you more than they had to.

Except for Dina.

Having lost her parents at a young age, it was mostly her and her older sister taking care of each other. Part of why she grew to be so close to Jesse was because his parents were family friends who helped them out when their parents passed.

Dina has dealt with great familial loss before and she saw the signs of someone barely keeping it together.

That’s why before your freshman year ended, Dina invited you to stay with her and her sister for the summer.

Summer Before Sophomore Year: Jackson

Calling your parents to let them know that you weren’t coming back home for most of the summer was a difficult conversation. Your mother threw a fit and your father chastised you for upsetting your mother. But with encouragement of your friends and your uncle (who promised you that he’d ship essentials from your parents’ house to Dina’s as soon as he could), you eagerly accompanied Dina, Jesse, and Ellie to their hometown of Jackson.

After just a few days in the town, you understood why the trio have remained friends since childhood. The community in Jackson was small but very tight-knit. Everyone knew each other and it seemed unusual for people to leave. They treated each other like family, and you envied the comfy, homey feeling the town radiated.

Dina’s sister Talia wasn’t around very often, consumed by her full-time job. You didn’t fully understand what she did for work, only that it had something to do with computers. The few times you were actually able to spend time with her, you enjoyed seeing the repertoire between her and her younger sister. Though ten years older than Dina, they treated each other like peers. You saw how Dina grew to be such an emotionally mature person. Talia accepted you with open arms, fulfilling the role of big sister the entire time you were there.

On the third day of your stay, you finally met Joel. He was Ellie’s adoptive father who took in Ellie at a young age. Though they were not biologically related, you found yourself often chuckling over how similar the two were.

Ellie’s foul-mouthed behaviour mirrored that of Joel’s, which was a welcome contrast to your parent’s curt and strict speech. He told stories of his past, many of which involved him getting into all sorts of trouble. Though he seemed to have grown out of it, you saw that impulsivity and temperament in Ellie today.

He was a kind, old man, and you saw why Ellie admired him so. You also noticed just how much he loved Ellie as if he’d birthed her himself. You found yourself desiring the kind of parent Joel was. You had your uncle throughout your childhood, of course, but you still had to go home to the cruelty of your parents at the end of the day.

Joel seemed to be aware that Ellie dealt back at your university. It was through him that Ellie actually knew her plug. This old pal of Joel’s, Eugene, was originally her (and Dina’s and Jesse’s) dealer back in high school. When they’d graduated and started attending university, Eugene introduced Ellie to an old contact who grew not far from campus once she started dealing. Joel would roll his eyes and scoff any time the topic of Ellie being a dealer came up, but he genuinely didn’t seem to mind as long as she was smart about it.

On nights when Dina and Jesse were both busy, you found yourself spending the evening at Joel’s house. He was very keen on having you over for dinner often, complaining that Ellie was a very boring conversation partner. You bonded quickly over a number of things, such as your mutual love of coffee (to which Ellie rolled her eyes, claiming that a simple hot chocolate was far superior to that “burnt shit”) and being Ellie’s impulse control.

About nearly a month into your stay, Dina was picking you up from another dinner at Joel’s and Ellie’s place to walk you back to her house. Both waved you goodbye at the front door (not before you gave Ellie a peck on the cheek) and watched as you and Dina linked arms and walked into the streetlight-lit darkness.

Once you and Dina were out of their sight, Joel put his hand on Ellie’s shoulder.

“Come on, kiddo. We need to talk.”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, old man,” Ellie exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and leaning into the living room couch.

“Ellie.”

“Joel.” Ellie said, mocking his serious tone.

“That girl is so in love with you, and it’s plain to anyone who sees y’all together.”

Ellie crossed her arms, saying nothing.

“And it’s as clear as day that you’re head over heels for her too.”

Ellie scoffed and said, “Don’t assume shit, old timer.”

“I ain’t assuming anythin’. I know you, and so do Dina and Jesse.”

“You’ve been talking to Dina and Jesse behind my back?”

“Now, hold on there,” Joel said, taking a seat at the lounge chair next to the couch Ellie sat on. “They were just tellin’ me about what y’all get up to at that big university, and we just got to talkin’ about you. There weren’t no secret meetings or anythin’ conspirin’ like that.”

“And what did those two have to say?”

“That y’all have been basically joined to the hip since y’all met.” Joel said, leaning back.

“That’s not true—” Ellie began angrily.

“Look, kid, no need to be pitchin’ a hissy fit. I’m just relayin’ what those two have been observin’. But since y’all took her home, apparently you’ve been actin’ a tad different towards her.”

“What does that mean?”

Joel sighed.

“Ellie, this girl was all you talked about nonstop that whole year you were up at that school. I already know the girl’s favourite colour and coffee order just from the phone calls we had.”

“I did not talk about her that much.”

“Yes, you did. There’s no point in denyin’ it.”

Ellie glared.

“Now, I wanna know why it seems like you’ve changed your tune on her.”

“Really, ‘changed my tune?’ Man, you’re getting too old.”

“Don’t go changin’ the subject. Now, I can see how you’re still clearly sweet on her, but there’s somethin’ a little off. Like you’re holdin’ back from her, or somethin’ like that.”

“I’m just not a people person, Joel, and you know that.”

“Doesn’t matter. Ellie,” He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and looked directly at her. “Do you love her?”

“Come on, man—”

“Ellie.”

Ellie met Joel’s eyes and saw that he was waiting for a truthful answer. She exhaled, took a beat, and responded.

“I don’t love her.”

Joel sighed sadly.

“Thought I taught you better than that, kiddo.”

She looked away, saying, “We’re not even dating.”

“Does she know that?

“She’s not stupid.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Ellie stood up, exasperated.

“Why does any of this matter, Joel!”

“Because that poor darlin’ just lost her own kin, so if you’re fixin’ to break her heart, you need to stop stringin’ her along.”

“I’m not doing anything!”

“I like this girl for you, Ellie. She’s got a kind soul that somehow blossomed past her upbringin’. She brings out the best in you, even if you try to hide it. She thinks the world of you, kid, bless her heart. Don’t do somethin’ you’ll regret.”

“I haven’t done shit!” Ellie yelled, standing up from the couch.

“Daggum it, stop actin’ childish and listen to what I’m sayin’ here, Ellie.”

Ellie stormed out of the room without another word.

After the conversation she had with Joel, Ellie began acting distant towards you. It started with the little things: keeping her hands in her pockets while you walked around town to avoid holding your outstretched hand, no longer inviting you over to dinner at Joel’s unless Dina or Jesse planned on coming along, no more public displays of affection and very limited tenderness in private.

Dina was right in her assumption that you were barely holding it together. The anxiety as a result of Ellie’s behaviour, on top of your grief over your cousin’s death, began unraveling you.

Your late-night talks with Dina became less and less. You began sitting next to her or Jesse more often than you did Ellie. Dina would walk in on you completely spaced out and it took several minutes to get a verbal response out of you.

Dina and Jesse were sure that if you came back with them to Jackson, being around the presence of those who loved you as opposed to people who resented you would ease your grieving process. They didn’t, however, predict that Ellie become a hurdle to your progress. And they certainly did not predict Ellie’s idiotic actions that followed.

“I thought we were having a movie night,” Jesse said, eyebrows furrowed. “I brought DVDs.”

Ellie chuckled, saying, “You know there are these things called ‘streaming services’ now, Jess.”

“Hypocrite. You and Joel have stacks of DVDs of every action and sci-fi movie ever made in your living room.”

“What can I say, I’ve gotten with the times.”

“Like hell you have.”

You, Dina, and Jesse were all bunched up on the pull-out couch in Dina’s basement (where you were residing for the summer). Jesse was messing with the TV’s remote to find the right input while you and Dina were snuggled up underneath the same blanket. Your tired eyes watched as Ellie pulled her flannel on and rolled her sleeves up, revealing that fern tattoo you loved so much on her right forearm.

“Who the fuck is more important than us, anyway?” Dina said, frowning.

Ellie chuckled again, saying, “We hang out almost every day, D. You’ll survive the night.”

“You’re not coming back after dinner?”

“We’ll see, but don’t wait up.”

Your eyes then fell down to your fingers, fiddling with a loose thread on the blanket. You haven’t spoken out loud once tonight since Ellie’d walked in.

“You’re banned from our friend group now. You may reapply in 3-6 months.” Dina said, flipping Ellie off.

“Literally one dinner, drama queen.”

“Where are you even going?”

“Rivers Café.”

You didn’t notice how Jesse’s and Dina’s faces fell.

“Gonna be late, so see you guys later.” Ellie said, walking up the stairs without a second glance.

After a beat or two, Jesse spoke.

“What the actual fuck.”

“Jesse—“ Dina began.

“I love her, but god damn it.” Jesse got up and started shuffling through the DVDs he brought.

There was a palpable tension in the air for the rest of the night. An old martial arts movie was playing, but none of you were paying much attention. Nobody said anything, besides a comment every now and again from Dina noting how unrealistic some fighting move was.

Ellie didn’t come back to Dina’s that night.

Two weeks before classes started, your things were packed to return to your parents’ house. You didn’t want to leave, but you needed to properly prepare for the start of your junior year.

Dina was watchful and clingy before you left, constantly letting you know that the first thing she was going to do when you all returned to campus was hunt you down for a coffee date. Jesse would chuckle at this, saying that he’d probably see you when she dragged him along to it.

Dina’s sister Talia said goodbye to you three days before your departure, needing to leave for a brief business trip the day before. She pulled you into a very tight hug, telling you that you were always welcome in their home and to feel free to tag along with Dina during any school breaks.

You had a last dinner at Joel’s the night before you left. He made you and Ellie a simple pasta dish, which you learned was his late daughter Sarah’s favourite meal. He and you shared a sweet and intimate conversation where you both opened up about your shared familial losses. He told you about Sarah and you talked about Rafael. You understood why Joel was so protective over Ellie, having lost Sarah when she was only 12. You were happy that Ellie had someone like that in her life.

Surprisingly, Ellie had offered to drive you home. You were starved for her attention, so you happily accepted. You offered for her to stay in your parents’ guest room for a night so she wouldn’t have to do so much driving in one day, but she said she didn’t mind. You felt disappointed, but you also didn’t want to subject her to your parents more than you had to.

Dina and Jesse were the ones who waved you off (Joel sent his regards with Ellie when she came to Dina’s place to pick you up). You reassured them both that two weeks was not a very long time, though you were partly saying it out loud to convince yourself of it too. Your hand was the last thing they saw, waving from the passenger’s window of Ellie’s car.

As you drove away from the gates of Jackson, there was not much noise except an Aminé song playing in the background and the occasional bird call heard outside from the rolled-down windows.

There was a heaviness in your heart that weighed more and more the further from Jackson you were. Though you didn’t grow up there, the locals were so naturally welcoming. Being there felt like coming home every day. It was a safe and healthy place for you to process your grief. You wished summer went on forever.

After a little while of silence between you and Ellie during which you lamented on your departure, you began to feel the awkwardness between you two. She hadn’t said anything and it didn’t seem like she had any intention to. You shrunk in your seat and began fidgeting and braced yourself to say something.

“Um,” You started. “Thanks for offering to drive me back.”

“No big deal,” Ellie replied. “Happy to do it.”

You could feel your heart beating in your ears.

“Why’d you decide to?”

Ellie shrugged. “Just wanted to be a good friend.”

You winced.

“Is… is that what we are, El? Just friends?” You asked meekly.

“I mean, yeah. Of course.”

You felt your heart drop to your stomach.

Is this how she really feels? Has this how she’s felt the whole year we’ve been doing all this? Have I just been reading into all this wrong?

You attempted to suppress a bubbling anxiety attack, trying not to hyperventilate. Ellie seemed to be content with the silence and said nothing.

Trying to distract yourself, you whipped out your phone to text Dina.

She replied almost immediately.

After a few seconds, another text from her popped up.

You chuckled silently, replying:

Ellie noticed the sudden sound, saying, “What are you laughing about?”

“Just Jesse.” You said.

“Ahh” was all she said in reply.

You refused to look her way, feeling like seeing her disinterested face would make you feel worse than you already were.

You texted Dina, saying:

Three text bubbles appeared before her texts popped up.

You gulped, even more anxious than before.

You tried to ignore the nagging feeling that there was something else going on, something you weren’t privy to. You and Ellie were inseparable most of freshman year, even before you were explicitly doing things that regular friends didn’t do.

What’s changed?

Sometime during your internal struggle, you’d drifted off to sleep. You woke up groggy and disoriented, taking a moment to realize you were still in the passenger seat of Ellie’s Jeep. The sun was further west than before. You glanced at the clock on the dashboard.

“How much further do we have?” You asked, voice raspy.

“About an hour or so.”

“Oh.”

You’d been asleep for longer than you thought. Feeling guilty, you wiped some drool off your chin and yawned quietly.

“I’m sorry for passing out on you.”

“All good.” Ellie said.

“Did I snore?”

Ellie shrugged and you stopped yourself from letting out an incredibly audible and frustrated sigh.

Five or ten minutes passed during which you were wrestling with yourself on making use of the rest of the time to confront Ellie. In the end, you decided that two weeks of this anxiety eating at you was not worth it.

“Els?”

She didn’t seem to hear you.

You cleared your throat and said a little louder, “Ellie.”

“What’s up?” She said, dryly.

You took a deep breath.

“What’s been going on?” You asked.

“What do you mean?”

You bit the inside of your lip.

“I mean…” You began. “You haven’t been yourself lately.”

“I don’t really know what you’re talking about.”

“Ellie, come on. You’ve been… different.”

She didn’t answer.

“Jesse and Dina both agree with me.”

Her eyebrows furrowed.

“I don’t really appreciate people talking about me behind my back.”

“We’re not!” You exclaimed. “We’ve just been wondering why you’re so distant lately.”

“Just cause I’m not much of a talker doesn’t mean I’ve been distant.”

You used to talk all the time with me.

“That’s not what I’m saying, Ellie. You don’t seem to like hanging out with us, and you cancel on us half the time. You don’t tell us what you’ve been up to or where you’ve been.”

You gulped.

“Like that movie night at Dina’s place. You agreed to come over for a sleepover, and you came for five minutes then bailed on us and didn’t even tell us where you were going.”

“Yes, I did!”

“Not ‘til the very end! You didn’t even tell us who you were seeing!”

“Why does that even matter?”

“It’s not that, Ellie! It’s just that you’ve been elusive and secretive, and I don’t like it!”

“Well, that’s not really my problem, is it?”

Her words pierced your heart and it took everything you had to keep going and not break down.

Is that what I’ve become now? Your problem, Ellie?

“I guess not.” You said quietly.

A few minutes of silence passed. You were fidgeting in your seat once more while Ellie seemed completely disinterested in further conversation.

But you refused to go back with all this unresolved.

“Who did you see?” You asked suddenly.

“Excuse me?”

“At that café. Who did you go see?”

“Why do you care?” Ellie scoffed.

“Why won’t you answer?”

Ellie rolled her eyes.

“It was just an old friend, okay? Jesus,” She said, irritated. “I have other friends besides Jesse and Dina.”

“Who was it, Ellie?”

“Her name is Cat! God, enough with the questions.”

You froze for a moment until you finally murmured, “Cat, your ex-girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“You guess?”

“What the fuck do you want from me, dude?” Ellie cried, coming to a stop at a red light a little rougher than needed.

You blinked.

“What?” You asked quietly.

“What?” Ellie repeated, angrily.

“Why did you call me that? You never… You always—”

You always call me “babe.” Or “baby.” I thought I was your baby.

“Whatever,” You said, shaking your head. “I just don’t know why you’d see her. I thought you hadn’t kept in contact with her since high school.”

“We reconnected over the summer,” Ellie huffed, slowly putting her foot down on the accelerator. “Didn’t realize that was a fucking crime.”

Your mouth quivered as silent, betraying tears began to fall.

“Am I a joke to you, Ellie?” You whispered.

“What?”

“Am I a FUCKING joke to you?” You shouted.

Ellie froze, almost swerving. She’d never heard you raise your voice this way.

“I thought… I thought I meant more to you. I thought that we had something. What the fuck did I do wrong? What did I do?”

Your right hand was wiping tears away while your left was clutching your stomach tightly. You felt like you needed to hurl.

“You don’t look at me anymore. You don’t touch me. Why did you start talking to her again? Why wouldn’t you talk to me? Was I not fucking enough?”

There was a pause before Ellie spoke.

“You’re not my girlfriend. I have no obligation to you.”

You felt as if the world disappeared from underneath you and you were falling. You were no longer in the passenger seat of Ellie’s car. No, you were plunging into a dark abyss, the same one that your friends had saved you from falling into when Rafael died. But here you were anyway. And it was Ellie who pushed you in.

Before you knew it, Ellie had pulled up to the curb of your house. The sound of her engine turning off snapped you back into reality briefly. As you unbuckled yourself, you realized that on top of a plain black tank, you were wearing an unbuttoned flannel shirt that Ellie’d lent you. You tore it off and threw it to the floor.

Before Ellie could even move, you were out of the car and pulling your bags out of Ellie’s backseat. By the time Ellie unbuckled herself and got out of the driver seat, you had all your bags in hand and ready to trudge up your parents’ driveway.

You felt you probably looked ridiculous: tears and snot running down your face while you struggled with several heavy bags. But you didn’t care. You needed a wall between you and Ellie immediately.

“Look—” Ellie started, taking a few steps.

You dropped your bags and started towards her.

“Fuck you, Ellie Williams.” You spat.

“Fuck you for lying to me. Fuck you for leading me on. Fuck you for letting me fall in love with you. Fuck you for breaking my heart.”

Ellie stopped in her tracks.

“You... you—” She began, but her voice caught.

By the time she found her voice again, you had already picked your bags up and hauled them to the front porch, keys already in your hand to unlock the door. She almost called your name out and yelled for you to wait, but you had thrown your bags through the threshold so quickly and disappeared almost immediately after them.

Ellie jumped at the sound of the front door slamming.

The second you had closed the door behind you, you leaned into one of your mother’s decorative urns and vomited.

author's notes:

is barbie bear based on an actual stuffed bear i own and is named barbie and is that a picture of her in the icon at the beginning of the fic? no

i was SO so nervous to post this omg, cause not only is this a long ass chapter, but i wanted to make sure to give proper explanation to present day events. i hope i did it justice! lmk what y'all think!!

writing a flashback chapter was so fun?? might do at least another one at some point

also i meant to mention this in a previous chapter, but reader's cousin rafael is actually based on an older cousin of mine (who has the same name but we all call him by a nickname) who actually has a similar-ish relationship with me as reader does with her cousin (he and i are only a year apart tho and reader & her rafael are several years apart), but dw my cousin is still alive sdklfjslsldkfj

btw pls notice that rivers cafe is an actual place in the games hehe (so was ruston coffee in the last chapter)

oh also if you have ever been sexiled before, i am so sorry and you will see heaven as reparations (i on the other hand will not as i have been a sexiler myself oops)

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn, @uraesthete, @softbunlvr, @cherriessxinthespring, @amitycat, @chrissyfishywissy, @yevheniiaaa

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hinagamoizaf · 2 years

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we have time together on this Earth

Fic Title : And We created you in pairs Chapter Number : 3/? Main Platform : AO3 Relationship(s) : Yamato x Hikari (Yakari) Characters : Yamato Ishida & Hikari Ishida née Yagami Mentions of Taichi, Takeru, their parents & OC children Tags : Drama, Christmas Fluff Word Count : 1970+ words This may seem unconventional for a traditional Christmas date, but it’s got a heart to it.

(Seven years prior) This was the Christmas we promised not to get each other anything.

Hikari had been distant for almost two weeks by now. Every morning when we woke up, her radiant smile would be the first thing I see, but she’d pull away before I had a chance to hug her for a few minutes before the alarm went off. On Thursday afternoons we’d drop the kids off at their grandparents while Hikari and I ran errands. She would wave them goodbye swiftly, politely decline the offer to join our parents for tea, and without a second to waste, get in the car. The radio would be off, silence in place of hums or asking each other how our day went. Her hand would be sitting quietly on her lap, and at every red light, I would reach for it. Hikari would uncharacteristically cross her arms and look out the window, as if the habits we’ve followed religiously and affectionate gestures we’ve shared were something Hikari had decided to retire overnight. I would have kept driving, if Hikari hadn’t suddenly broken down in tears. “Hikari?” an awful mixture of concern and anxiety had swallowed me as my wife helplessly sobbed into her shaking hands. I found the nearest parking lot and stopped there, waiting for anything from her. After how she’s been the past two weeks, I didn’t know if I could even place a hand on her back or draw her in for a hug. At some point Hikari gave herself a break, still flooding with tears, and all I could do was wait pathetically as she reached for my hand. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry, Yama…I’m so sorry,” was all she muttered with trembling lips. “Hikari,” I called her name again, and when she finally looked at me, I gripped her hand a bit too hard. “I just need a hug right now,” her voice was so weak and fragile, it shattered my heart. I unbuckled our seat belts and gestured to the backseat. As we climbed in, Hikari settled her head into the crook of my neck, and I held her like we were the only two living beings in that parking lot. At that moment, nothing else mattered but my wife’s soft whimpers and how I caressed her with caution. “I’m sorry for how I’ve been,Yamato,” she apologised earnestly, “I need to say sorry to the kids too.” “Don’t think about that now,” I assured her, pulling back as I firmly cupped her face and watched those eyes glisten, “Let me take care of you,Hikari.” She broke again,and this time I knew how to hold my wife. It was at this point my mind replayed every interaction we had or when I first noticed the change in Hikari’s demeanour. Had I somehow upset her? Did something happen to the kids? Was there a problem at her school? A thousand thoughts bleed into each other as I calmed Hikari,her sobs turning into uneven breathing. “I love you,” Hikari cried, “I love you,Yamato. I love you and our kids. I love our family.” “I love you too,” I kissed the crown of her head, “Our kids love you too.” I kissed her cheek and looked at her alone, “I love you so much,Hikari.” There was this battle that took place when we were teenagers,and ever since Hikari had become more sensitive to an outbreak of tears after holding in so many repressed emotions and unresolved discussions. I took it upon myself that if I were the man to marry Hikari, I’d be the one to stand beside her and come out the other side when those tears were just starting to make their move. After being married to her for a decade, I found her before these tears would dare cross her face. I just wasn’t fast enough this time around. By this point we had no intention of continuing with our errands,but we still wanted to go for a drive. We had reached our first red light in less than five minutes, I rested my hand on my thigh facing upwards. With another eight cars in front of us, Hikari slipped her fingers into mine, and I took this chance to tighten my grip and I brushed the back of her hand against my lips. Our eyes met in the mirror. “Mrs.Ishida,I’m here to ask you for your hand in going on a date with me.” “Yamato, you’re making me blush,” she managed to laugh,rubbing our thumbs together, “And yes,I’d love to go on a date with you.” Traffic starts to move as the short day retires and surrenders to the winter night. The streets are lined with soft lighting and festive decorations,and I can’t help but think about the discussion we had at the start of these two weeks. “We’re still getting presents for the kids,” Hikari says, reading my expression as I glance at the shoppers exiting a store, “And the bigger family.” “You can always change your mind,Hikari.” “Thank you,Yamato,” she looks out once more, “Thank you.” “Have you and Taichi decided yet which one of you is dressing up as Father Christmas this year?” Hikari asks, another tradition we started when we were expecting the girls. “Takeru funnily enough said he wanted to get involved.” “Oh,so he’s promoting himself from being an elf.” “Three’s a crowd, so we were thinking Taichi could be a reindeer this year.” “Was it really ‘we’?” Hikari presses on. “Takeru and I. That makes ‘we’,” I answered smugly.

“Do you know if Taichi’s inviting them over?” I ask,my mind now glued to the upcoming 25th.

“Not this Christmas,” Hikari says while shaking her head, “The girls are catching on they’re cousins.”

“They’re your family too,Hikari,” I reason.

“They are. But at the end of the day, it's Taichi’s choice,” Hikari sighs, “And he's choosing not to invite them over for Christmas.” A buzz goes off on both of our phones,Hikari checks her one as I pull up to a cafe. “Mimi just sent a group text saying she and Daisuke can’t come home for the holidays,” she shares with furrowed eyebrows. “Aw,really? That’s unfortunate,” I say sympathetically, “So it’s just the two of them alone in New York.” “Hey,I was thinking we could do video messages and put them all together,” Hikari suggest brightly. “That’s a great idea,” I agree as I put the car into reverse. Hikari props her phone up and hits record. “Hey Daisuke. Hey Mimi,” I begin. “Yamato and I wanted to say we’re exp-” She stops, and ends the recording. “Sorry, got some jitters,” Hikari says with an unusually low laugh. “That’s okay. We can start over,” I assure her. “Hey there Daisuke and Mimi,” I greet them again. “Yamato and I are here to say we’re excited - ” By the end of the recording,Hikari waved goodbye at the camera. Except when she did so, her fingers were stretched so rigidly, it looked like she was flashing the number five instead of waving goodbye.

(Back at Yamato and Hikari’s house)

“We’ll be over in just a moment!” I say to the kids across the street,having seen Hikari and I pull up in our driveway. As I turn around, Hikari is waiting for me with a rectangular-shaped item wrapped in paper.

“I thought we agreed we wouldn't do presents this year,” I say, approaching her.

“This is an exception,” Hikari smiles nervously.

“Just how exceptional can it be,” I draw her in for a hug,then feel the shape of the gift. “Open it.” “Thank you,Ange.” With one arm around her, I use both of my hands to unwrap the paper. It felt light,and soon I realised I was holding plastic. I see white,a familiar shape…and I stop when I realise what it is. “It’s about my third one,” Hikari says, “Just a bit more,Yama.” Holding a breath, I remove the remaining paper that obscures the results.

“Think you can handle our possible next set of twins?”

“Hikari, it could be triplets, quadruplets, or even quintuplets,” I carry my wife in my arms,higher than she’s ever been, and I can feel myself smiling all the way to Christmas day.

“They're still our babies.” With the hallway light illuminating her and giving Hikari a soft glow, that nervous smile turns into tears. They’re not happy tears. “Hikari,Hikari,” I gently put her down, the most anxious I’ve been today. Then it clicks. “Hikari,” I say her dear name tenderly,wiping away her tears.

“You are without a doubt my first priority, Hikari. Our kids are my first priority.” Oh my God, I’ve been so blind. Of course she kept this to herself.

“I love my job and I love what I do, but nothing in this entire universe could compare to how much I love this family. Ever since we were in university,you have been my first priority.”

“But I held you back…right now you could be - “ Hikari’s trembling, so I cup her face.

“Right now I have you. I have our children. And we're expecting another miracle or two in nine months, “ I lean forward and press our foreheads together,caressing her cheeks.

“Nothing,nothing is going to matter to me more than what we have,Hikari.”

“We're already ten years into parenthood,” Hikari says between sniffles.

“Without a doubt, I would spend the rest of this life and what'll come in the next doing it again and again with you,” I assure her,and mean with my whole heart.

“I can't see anything topping this Christmas date.”

“Well,Mrs.Ishida, you'll be surprised what else I can do.” Just when I think she’s starting to calm down, I see Hikari’s expression fall once more.

“Yama,actually, there's another reason I've been under the weather,” she confesses.

“What is it,Hikari?” She takes a step back,looks at me, and only me in this hallway.

“I love our kids and I love being a mum,” Hikari’s eyes begin to water, “But I'm not so sure if I'm strong enough to take care of all our kids when you're away on a mission. I know that's selfish - ”

“Hikari,Hikari,” I watch her breathing escalate, “Hikari, I would never leave you alone.”

“I know you wouldn't, but I've held you - ”

I get down on one knee, gripping her left hand.

“The Sun doesn’t wake me up every morning. You do,Hikari.” I take in a deep breath, looking up at this goddess of a woman.

“For as long as we have time together on this Earth, I will be with you and our children. And if I were to be taken back first, I will wait for all of you. I will find you and we'll be reunited.” I raise her hand to my lips,pressing against it fiercely while maintaining eye contact.

“But on those nights we can’t be together, when you would have outlived me and I'm already reduced to these bones, you'll find me in our kitchen where I was so goddamn impatient and ever more so in love with you,” I move to her stomach, a kiss our growing child. I look back at my wife,melting at her feet.

“I just had to marry you then and there with an audience of just us.” I hold onto her for as long as winter and spring have known each other.

“Even when I'm away,I will be with you. And now I am with you - ” Hikari cuts me off with a kiss,and I savour this memory in the hallway. When she pulls apart, those tears are now born out of joy and Hikari wears a smile that matches it. “We're made in pairs,right?”

#xmasdate #digimonxmas #Yamato Ishida #Hikari Yagami #Yakari #Yamakari #Digimon Last Evolution #Digimon Tri #Matt Ishida #Kari Kamiya #Yamato x Hikari #Christmas fic #Christmas fluff #Ao3fic #Ao3 link #Digimon Adventure

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dokifluffs · 3 years

Text

You’re Safe | Sakusa Kiyoomi

Pairing: Kiyoomi X Reader (female)

Genre: MAFIA!AU, dad and husbando tehe, fluffy, action? thriller??

Author’s Note: mafia 🤝 protective 🤝 domestic father figure 🤝 SAKUSA

Warnings: k*lling, blood, vivid imagery, LONG, language

gif from @rivaillerose 🖤

“Y/N,” a husky voice spoke your name, pulling you from your much needed rest as life of being a new mother had been challenging though so far, it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle

“Y/N, darling.”

You groaned in your sleep, not wanting to wake, to leave the warmth that you were so comfortable laying in

The edge of the bed shifted as a weight sat down beside you, making your body move toward the person

You brought yourself to open your eyes as heavy as they were, your vision clearing to find your husband sat beside you, his mask pulled down to his chin

The room was gloomy and gray though the curtains were open, not a bit of sunlight shining through as he looked down to you with gentle eyes

Despite his softer side with you, he was still the head of the clan - and his appearance matched him as well

He donned a black wool overcoat with the same colored turtleneck and mask

“What is it, Omi?” You asked sleepily as he cupped your cheek with his black gloved hand

His black gloves were always an accessory he had on him, whether he was wearing them or not

He had a thing with germs but he also saw no need to get his hands dirty when his men were always there to do the job for him

You nuzzled your face into his touch, very tempted to fall asleep holding him close but as your mind woke up more and more, you remembered what today was

What he had to do, where he had to go

“I’m leaving soon.. I’ll be back in a few days..” he whispered as he moved a strand of your hair from your face

You wanted to pretend you didn’t hear these words, that he never told you he had to leave or when he did

A part of you wished he left without telling you but an even greater part was so grateful that he woke you

“Do you really have to go again?” You squeezed his gloved hand as you sat yourself up straighter

“You know how my father is... He wants to make sure things are... under control.. I promise I’ll be back in two days.”

The way he spoke, the words fell so effortlessly from those lips, his voice low and cutting through the space yet he spoke at a volume as if he was telling you a great secret

“You said that last time and he kept you with him for a couple weeks...” you thought back to that time

You were seven months pregnant, almost eight, at the time and it was like he fell off the face of the earth

You couldn’t go anywhere or do anything but reside in the manor and you couldn’t even talk to him

You were alone again

“Don’t go...”

the nights in bed alone, the cramps, emotional rollercoasters, motion sickness, nausea

You at least wished he could have called you

The nightmares you had, the worst case scenarios playing in your head until you woke up with tears streaming down your face, only for you to cry yourself silently back to sleep as fear pooled and plagued you from within

He could see the sadness in your eyes and he could remember vividly the mental torture he was put under

No communication to you and all he could at most to see you was through the hidden cameras all connected to his phone

Even checking in on you had to be done in secret, all to make sure that he was strong enough to continue on the family business even if he had to lose you or be away for unpredictable amounts of time

It was unbearable then and it was still unbearable now

He never asked to grow up into the business of the underworld, let alone take it over from his father at the prime age of 20 four years ago

He never wanted your life to be taken away when you two had already been together when he was recruited

“I’m sorry, darling, but you know I have to,” he sighed. “You know how my father is.” He cupped your cheek and kissed your temple then lips before he stood

“Am I going to lose you?” Your voice broke the silence, breaking through the white sound of the downpour outside

But you had stopped your question early

“Am I going to lose you today? Tomorrow? One day?”

He stood frozen in his place before he could reach for the knob

“No, Y/N. You won’t.” His eyes paused for a bit on you as he thought about his response, the fatigue of being a mother was already showing. “I’ll be able to call you this time and I’m the head now. The only title my father has to me now is father.”

“You won’t.” He stepped back over to you leaned down to kiss you again. “Not today at least…”

“I’ll call you at supper time, darling. Have a good day.”

You did your best to hold onto his hand as long as you could, to remember his touch, his voice, his scent, the way he looked before he walked out those doors

Because some days or nights, you never truly know if you would ever see him again

And it terrified you

The sound of the rain only seemed to get more intense now that he was gone and you were here

But now your day was beginning now that you were awake

You slipped out of the king sized bed, leaving the warmth you had slept in as the soft carpet at your feet, your toes sinking into the fibers

Brushing your teeth, showering in the grand bathroom of the manor, it was a life you surely never expected but here you were

Kiyoomi’s father and his entire family had built their name from nothing to the global known corporation that it was today

You dried your body off, finding what to wear today through the walk in closet and once that was found, it was breakfast

“Good morning, madam, shall I bring you your breakfast to the master suite?” Your right hand maid had greeted you as you stepped out as she carried the laundry with her

“Oh, thank you, Olivia, but I’ll head down to the kitchen after waking D/N,” you smiled to the older maid that had worked for the Sakusa family for decades

All the staff that worked and lived in the estates on the property outside of the manor were trained security, men and women, whose jobs were to protect the main family, to serve them, and to keep others who would pose a threat away and out, even if it meant killing them

But you always tried not to think or wonder about how many people these staff have killed or beat up or anything whenever you interacted with them, especially when they greeted you with a smile

They were there to protect you and to make sure that nothing and no would would ever harm your life

You stepped into the nursery, the wide room decorated with warm lights and stuffed animals, some more than twice the size of your daughter

“Hi,” you smiled so brightly seeing your baby’s eyes already open, looking up to you as she sat in her crib, holding onto her blankie. “Good morning precious,” you lowered the front gate of the crib so you could kneel down to her level

Sakusa sat in the limousine as he watched the scene of you and your daughter in the nursery, wishing he could just turn the car around and to stay home

Things were in balance, he knew this already but his father’s orders were orders he still had to respect

He clicked off his phone, tucking the device into his pocket as he was to be in the car for quite a bit of time before he would get to his father’s

The biggest smile spread on her face as she laughed seeing you, her bubbliness seeming to make all the gloominess disappear

“Let’s get you changed~” you chimed as you lifted the baby girl into your arms, getting a whiff of her heavy diaper and finding an outfit for her day

“Olivia?” You called into the custom intercom by the nursery’s closet, though there was practically one in every room

“Yes, madam?”

“Sorry for troubling you, but could you actually bring breakfast for D/N and I up to the upstairs loft? You could even send it up the dumbwaiter and that’s fine too.”

“Of course, would you like the usual?”

“Yes please, thank you.”

You carried your little girl toward the upstairs loft, one of your favorite areas of the house since it was significantly smaller - well almost - than the living room downstairs

The loft didn’t extend all the way downstairs like how the ground floor’s living room ceiling extended to the second floor

More than ten thousand square feet of property, more rooms in the manor than you knew what to do with them

Four guest bedrooms with full bathrooms, a grand study and two story “little” library, two main bedrooms in addition to the master bedroom and a nursery

So much space, all sorts of technologies, gadgets and gizmos of all sorts in the house

All the systems in the house was made by the Sakusa corporation to ensure security

This even included your and Kiyoomi’s custom made phones

There was also the basement- all sorts of fun activities to be done: a pool, pool table, living room area that opened up to the backyard with the bar and barbecue, the fire pit

and finally, there was the cellar that was the only place Kiyoomi had requested that you never go - and you never did

You knew that look in his eye, that tone of voice and you knew he had requested this for your best

And most importantly, there were three safe rooms, all three upstairs with hidden entryways to protect you, official guests, and anyone in the family

Before you knew it, Olivia had made her way upstairs with the breakfast as you played with your daughter in the loft, bouncing her on your lap sat on the wide couch

The loft was brightly lit and open, toys of all types for your daughter to play with as the TV played the morning kids show

As filled as the house was with the special staff and things to do, it still felt so lonely and empty as you sat there

You had tried to chat and converse with them but they never loosened up, always keeping all the formalities but it was never any use

The storm outside seemed to be getting worse as your eyes gazed to the horizon, spotting the trees at the edge of the estate where all their branches had been swaying in the wind, the paler, underside of their leaves revealed

Thunder began to rumble in the distance with the occasional flash of lightning but both unbothered your daughter and you as the two of you remained in the loft

You watched as she rolled about on a blanket, playing with her stuffed animals and the other interactive toys that played music to keep her entertained while you watched the TV, finding nothing remotely as entertaining to watch

But just before you could change the channel to yet another disappointing channel, your attention was pulled to your phone vibrating beside you, your eyes lighting up as you saw the caller ID

“You seem so bored,” Kiyoomi’s deep voice sounded through the phone but he spoke the truth

You were tired and bored but you didn’t want to sleep - it would only make you unable to sleep later tonight anyways

“I am,” you sighed as you muted the TV. “How far out have you gone?”

“Actually, not too far. Only about half an hour since there was a major accident on the highway so we had to take a detour. But traffic is terrible so we were stuck for quite a bit before we could actually exit,” Sakusa almost groaned thinking about the terrible accident

How he was stuck in a single place for practically twenty minutes

“Wow, do you know what happened?”

“Well there was a…” his voice drowned out in your ears as you could hear something that didn’t sound like rain or thunder - they were too distinctly different

Loud bangs echoed in the distance, bringing your attention elsewhere though all you could look was outside the wall window to the dark skies

But you couldn’t see anything except the normal background of the property but it was just silent again with the white noise of rain washing down the glass, followed by thunder and a flash of lightning as the storm brewed closer and closer

“I’m sorry what? I missed what you said... I think I heard… something weird..” you spoke as you looked outside the windows that looked to the back of the property

You could hear echoes of movement downstairs, the bustling business of the special staff in the house but it sounded standard... or so you thought

“What did you hear?”

“..I don’t know.. maybe it was the storm and I’m just distracted...” you smiled into the phone as you spoke while your daughter happily crawled to you, laying her head on your legs, her puffy cheeks round as ever

“Well, you two were my only source of entertainment so far this trip,” the corner of his lips curled as he picked off small specks off his suit

“That makes one… of us-“ your thought died out in a matter of seconds

You heard louder, clearer bangs while the staff that had been stationed with you just outside the loft talked over their ear coms to another elsewhere

Before you could continue your sentence or call, the bangs only got louder and your body reacted faster than you could say or think

Clear gunshots began firing at the front entrance, echoing off the high walls and ceilings of the manor while the staff worked on securing the doors and all other entrances and possible ones

“Y/N?” Sakusa could only hear the subtle commotion happening but it was clear you weren’t on the phone. “Shit shit shit..” he stayed on the line as he changed to the security cameras he had access to he used to watch you and your guys’ daughter

Looking through the camera surveillance, he caught a glimpse of you disappearing with your phone in hand while your arms carried your daughter as you disappeared toward the bedroom

“Turn back now,” Kiyoomi howled as his driver did just that, not wasting a single second

You ran into the master suite’s walk in closet that led to the entryway of one of the safe rooms, your baby girl in your arms as she held on to you her whines already beginning before they would turn into cries

“Shh, it’s okay, baby, mama’s gonna protect you,” you smiled, whispering, your voice already shaky, lips trembling as you pressed a little kiss to the top of her head. “Even if it costs my life, precious.”

You moved, leaving the master suite and stayed low as you walked across the “bridge” that connected the loft to the other half of the house

Peeking down, you could hear groans of agony, puddles and splashes of of blood on the floor and walls, empty bullet shells on the ground, shards of glass and broken windows

“Search the house, find that bitch,” a deep voice yelled through the manor as for the first time since the loud bangs happened, it sounded so still, like any normal rainy day

But this was far from normal

You crawled across the marble flooring toward the library

There wasn’t any safe room here but the safe rooms were sure to be where they would look, whoever they were

They were able to get through the security, it seemed like the staff was dead

You silently stood as they scoured the lower levels - you could hear them and all the destruction they were havocking

The cars outside the window blurred into mere colors that passed as the limousine sped through the roads back towards the manor

To save time, they went toward the back roads — it was just the slightest bit longer but time could be shaved down since there were no cars anywhere

“Step on it!” Sakusa commanded as his men readied themselves. “Call in Unit 0,” he demanded as he kept his eyes on the cameras, trying to find you yet he couldn’t see you in the master suite’s safe room

Unit 0 being one of the few very highly trained professional assassins and killers who were at the disposal of the Sakusa family whenever needed

He scoured through the cameras, not even caring about all the destruction being done, all he needed to see was where you and your daughter were

You carefully entered the library, shutting the door behind you as you walked over the wooden floors carefully

Every step made your palms sweaty but your heart stopped after hearing a loud creak in the old floors

The worst part was that there was no way to lock the doors

outside of the door, you couldn’t hear too much but you could still clearly hear the storm as a great big window stretched from the floor to ceiling so all the lighting in here was natural

There was something about the walls surrounding the library that made it sound proof in a sense

You constantly bounced your baby girl in your arms to keep her calm as you tried to get a look outside as you approached one of the corners toward the window

“Search upstairs,” one of the men demanded as a handful of men ran upstairs. “Find her.”

The scoured through all the rooms, flipping every room apart, destroying things, tearing the curtains off, flipping the beds, wrecking the nursery

You peeked out the window that faced the front of the manor yet all you could see were broken things and to your horror, more lifeless bodies of the manor’s staff

But before you could look out any longer, a large rock was launched at the window, breaking the glass, shattering it

Your baby girl let out a loud cry in fear, making your heart drop

“No, D/N, shhhh, please, it’ll be okay, we’ll be okay.” You quickly pulled open the latch to the library’s hidden passage where the door was one of the bookcases

As soon as you closed the bookcase, you heard the door to the library burst open

Several men, guns ready

You scanned your finger print for the room to be safely locked however it wouldn’t let you. All you could do to make sure the room was locked was to see your body to keep the door shut and still

They walked through the wide open doorway to the library scanning the two open floors that was connected by two black steel staircases that wound their way up and down, connecting the two floors

“Shh, please,” you whimpered to your daughter as she cried into your chest as you stayed by the passage’s door so you could look out the peephole

They pulled books off the shelves, throwing them from the second level to the first, knocking the paintings off the walls, ripping them by sliding their knives through the canvas’, kicking them, breaking the frames

The ground shook as you heard a a loud boom, making you jump in your spot, the ground rumbling and shaking below where you sat

It sounded like a bomb went off on the lower level but you assumed it was the cars in the garage since you could hear the repeating alarm sounding off

Your daughters cries began to start back up at the loud noise, as you did your best to shush her

“Shhh, it’s okay,” you whispered to her as you wiped her tears, keeping her face to your chest as you stroked your trembling hand down her back as tears trickled down your cheeks and dripped off your chin

The limousine slid on the gravel outside the manor as Sakusa’s men sprang to action from the vehicle

Kiyoomi stayed in his seat, continuously scouring through the cameras but you were yet to be found

He couldn’t find a single trace of you

His men, as well as unit 0, entered through the blown open entrance, broken shards of glass crunching beneath their steps as they surrounded the estate the best they could, splitting up to eliminate the intruders

“Where are you, Y/N?” His heart hammered in his chest as he desperately tried to find you yet nothing

But before he could look any further, his heart dropped seeing the red system failure message. Whoever these people were, they were impressive, but not fast enough

Kiyoomi now meant business now that he had no access to actually see if you were okay

He ran out of the limousine as gunshots could be heard all throughout the house as half his men made their way to the upper level while the other half wiped out the intruders on the lower level

He followed behind unit 0, making their way upstairs

He clung onto his gun tightly in his hand, finger ready on the trigger as he barged into the master suite, firing two bullets into the chest and head of a large man as he was pillaging the closets

All the precious jewelry he bought for you were now stained in the pool of the filthy blood of the man who had the audacity to enter the premises

His heart almost dropped seeing him in the closet in the first place but it didn’t seem like the man noticed the entrance to the safe room behind the clothes on the hangers

As he pushed the luxurious wardrobe aside opening the door and to his fear, you were nowhere to be seen

More gunshots sounded off, echoing through the halls, sounding off the walls

He couldn’t focus, his thoughts incoherent, unfinished sentences running in his head as he just ran, killing those in his way to find you

A gun war was going off throughout the library as Sakusa’s men fired at the intruders on both levels but they had great firepower too

Both sides hid behind the marble pillars, the different bookshelves and furniture in the room as the rain showered in

Your baby girl cried loudly, her shaken cries sounding off throughout the passage

“No, no, no, please, baby.” Your heart raced as you dared to look out the peephole, only for it to drop as you saw a man you didn’t recognize yell something to another man near him

The man he yelled to fired more shots while the other one approached the passage entrance, banging noises coming through the bookshelf

“She’s in here! Hold them off!” The man yelled

“No, no, no.” Tears welled in your eyes as you did your best to keep the door closed but there was no actual way to since this was just a simple passageway

Your daughter cried loudly in your arms while you gave it your all to keep the door closed

Amongst all the shots being fired, Kiyoomi heard the words the man yelled and then it clicked

He knew where you were

“No.” This one word repeated in his head as he pushed through the front, racing past the bullets being shot towards him as he ran on pure adrenaline

“Boss, no!” His men yelled but this only got the intruders to focus on him, giving them the opening to shoot them all

Kiyoomi shot the man closer to him in the legs before letting his body move on pure killer instinct as he grabbed the man who had fallen to his knees by his jaw, snapping his neck

The other man changed his focus to Kiyoomi as he stood to his feet while the other struggled to pull his gun from his holster

Kiyoomi towered over him as his body moved on his own

He kicked the man to the wall, pressing the barrel of his gun to the man’s chin, pulling the trigger without a second thought

You squeeze your eyes shut, facing the other way from the door, bracing yourself

“I love you. Mama loves you, baby,” you whispered as you cried, a loud rumbling filling your ears as you felt the door being forced open

This was it

You were going to die

Your daughter was doing to die

you let out a blood curtling scream feeling the hands of whoever grab onto you, pulling you, kicking your legs to try to fight

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N!” Kiyoomi’s familiar voice sounded louder and louder over the rumbling you heard in your ears from clenching and bracing your body and your daughter’s

“It’s me, It’s just me!” He soothed you as he turned you

You couldn’t explain or even begin to describe the relief you felt wash through your body, your heart racing and slowing down at the same time as you broke down, your cries mixing with your daughter’s

“You’re safe, I’m here,” Kiyoomi pulled you into his arms, your body shaking terribly in his arms as you cried into his chest, all the fear you felt flooding your senses

“I know, I’m sorry this happened, but you’re okay. Everything will be okay,” he whispered as he pulled you into his lap, keeping the passage door somewhat closed

You were already put through enough today and he didn’t need you to see the second degree murder crime scene he had committed right outside

“I’m here, I’m here.” He reached up and pulled his mask off as he kissed the top of your head all over, wiping away your tears with his thumbs but you couldn’t stop crying

But that was entirely fine

“But Y/N,” he held your face in his bare hands, his normal gloves off as he stroked his thumb over your cold, damp cheeks

“Why didn’t you go into the safe rooms, darling?” His own voice was unsteady, his lips quivered, eyes teary. “I looked for you and I couldn’t find you and I thought I lost you..” His voice broke off as he gathered himself the best he could, taking deep breaths

Seeing Kiyoomi like this, it broke your heart even more

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what… I was just scared and- and-“ It hurt you so much

Everything about today did

But just this moment was Kiyoomi, it also touched you

He was such a stoic man, usually one to show a softer, affectionate side with you but this was the first time you saw him shed tears

A man who had taken so many lives was now showing his true emotions for the two lives he would give his own live for a hundred times over if it meant you and your daughter was okay

“I know, I know, but you’re safe,” he let out a deep, relieving breath as he hugged your head closer, your body shaking uncontrollably in his arms

“And hey, shhh, it’s okay baby. Papa’s here.” He stroked your daughter’s head as she sort of calmed down as the two of you sat together, doing your best as parents to shoo away her sadness while his men did their best to first and foremost clear the bodies and blood

You absolutely did not need to see that after today

“You two are both safe.” He breathed as he pulled you two impossibly closer, letting the shakiness of his own heart disperse

“You’re safe…”

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

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