#she had painted a couple versions of cover art for it. Test paintings so not on the good paper but still very beautiful! She told me she | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pikapeppa · 4 years

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The Love That Grows From Violence: Epilogue

The final chapter of Felassan and Tamaris Lavellan’s love story is up on AO3 and I’m totally fine and not a mess of dumb feelings.

~3600 words; read on AO3 instead.

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Three months later…

Felassan sauntered down the stairs with his cloak fastened around his shoulders and one of Dorian’s unpaired sending crystals around his neck.

Tamaris was waiting for him in the main room. She was similarly dressed for travelling, and around her neck she wore the other unpaired crystal that Dorian had sent. With the help of Tamaris’s faint but stable magic, Felassan had imbued the crystals with a rather complex spell that would make him and Tamaris difficult to perceive and affect with magic: a crude version of the cloaking spell that Fen’Harel had once used to protect his people. Felassan could only see it as poetic justice that he was using a similar spell now to protect Tamaris and himself from the spies of Fen’Harel.

He padded toward her with a smile. “Are you sure you won’t miss this house?”

She shrugged and looked around. “Maybe a little, actually. It’s really grown on me.”

He nodded and looked around as well. In the past few months, he and Tamaris had finished stripping and painting all the walls on the main floor of the house. Now, instead of gaudy Orlesian wallpaper, the walls were jewel-toned backdrops covered chaotically in art of his and Tamaris’s making.

They’d painted a multitude of things: warriors on halla, showers of arrows, mages throwing fire and ice, a panoply of animals and plants and vines, and abstract slashes and streaks of colour that blended together in wild patterns. And in the front foyer, in the place where people first walked though the door, was the very first mural he and Tamaris had done together: a slow arrow dancing through a brilliant forest of flame.

He shrugged and gestured for her to follow him to the door. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back someday. Probably.”

She snorted. “That’s… reassuring, I guess?”

“Uncertainty can be reassuring,” he said. “At the very least, you can rest assured that we will never be bored.” Indeed, their travel plans would keep them busy for quite some time. Their first stop would be the forest near Starkhaven to visit Tamaris’s clan, followed by some unstructured wandering in the direction of Kont-aar in the hopes that they would encounter a couple of travellers: a Tevinter mage named Vadis and her elven partner Irian. According to Varric, Vadis and Irian had been heavily involved in an incident out in Rivain, and a Ben-Hassrath contact was sending them to Varric as an apparent sign of goodwill. If Felassan and Tamaris were lucky, they would find the pair and help them get safely to Kirkwall.

And if they were very lucky – if Felassan’s coded letters had found their way to their marks – perhaps someone else would find Felassan and Tamaris along the way: a certain da’len that Felassan had carefully taught not to be found.

Tamaris smiled wryly. “That is reassuring, actually. You have been starting to bore me.”

Her eyebrows were quirked with mischief. Felassan pulled a mock-sad face and pressed one hand to his chest. “You wound me, avise.”

She chuckled, then picked up one of the travelling packs by the door and handed it to him. He nodded his thanks. “Do you have your daggers and knives?” he said.

She nodded and patted the sheath of throwing knives strapped to her thigh. “I’m all set. You have your staff?”

He reached into the inner pocket of his cloak and patted his short length of ironwood — ironwood imbued with a faint melodic hum of Tamaris’s magic and his own. “All ready to test out on some dastardly foes,” he said.

She huffed in amusement. “All right. Here we go.” She opened the door and gestured for him to step outside. “Age before beauty,” she said cheekily.

He burst out a little laugh. “An age joke? How unoriginal. I’m disappointed.” He playfully tugged a lock of her hair.

She snickered and smacked his hand away. “Fine, fine,” she said. “I’ll go first.” She stepped through the door, and Felassan admired the way the morning sun lit her raven curls with streaks of deep red, as though the sun was finding the fire hidden in the midnight depths of her hair.

Avise alas’nirelan, he thought. She who dances with fire. Then, for the first time ever, Felassan stepped through the front door of the Hightown mansion.

He looked around surreptitiously as Tamaris locked up the mansion. There were lazy nobles and busy messengers moving around the streets, as well as the odd guardsman doing a patrol. A few of them looked in his direction, but their eyes slid over him as though he wasn’t there.

Excellent, he thought. The crystals are working. He couldn’t help but feel a little proud that he and Tamaris had actually managed to make a crude but reasonably functional replica of the spell that had eventually become the foundation for the Veil.

Tamaris sidled up to him and squeezed his hand. “Ready to go?”

He looked at his Dalish lover. Her hood was pulled up to cover her hair and her expression was serious, but her bright green eyes were steady and warm.

He twined his fingers with hers, then pulled up his hood as well. “I’m ready,” he said. “Let us find ourselves an adventure.”

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They travelled in an eastward direction along the coast until the last vestiges of the sun were gone. Tamaris set up a small tent while Felassan set wards to wake them if anyone approached, and when their campsite was ready, they shared a meal of apples and freshly roasted rabbit. When their meal was done, Felassan fetched a small pouch of dried herbs from his pack, and he and Tamaris settled themselves cross-legged in front of the fire.

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. I’m ready if you are.” She blew out a breath, then gave Felassan a penetrating look. “Are you ready?”

Felassan smiled faintly. Her brow was creased in a frown, but the sternness of her face only spoke to him of her worry.

The novelty of having someone worry about him had yet to wear off, even after the months he and Tamaris had spent together. When a person spent twenty-five years in a strange land making his way on his own, having someone who cared about his welfare was… oddly pleasant. And unexpected.

But then again, everything about he and Tamaris finding each other was pleasantly unexpected.

He opened his pouch of herbs. “I’m ready, avise. That is why we’re sitting here, after all.”

He half-expected her to make a snarky remark, but her expression remained somber. “All right,” she said. “Well, just remember, if he threatens you—”

Felassan cut her off with a chuckle. “I know, Tamaris. I’ll say what you told me to say. I swear it.”

She exhaled once more, then nodded sternly. “All right. I’ll be right here keeping guard.”

He gazed her affectionately. She was awfully cute when she was protective. He reached out and ran his palm soothingly over her lovely unruly curls. “You might want to grab a book from your pack to entertain yourself,” he said. “It’s quite boring to watch a dreamwalker while they’re, you know. Dreamwalking.”

“If I get bored of staring at you, I’ll draw a picture,” she said flatly.

He grinned. There was the snarky remark he’d been waiting for. “An excellent idea,” he said. He kissed her forehead, then turned to face the fire.

The flames were licking eagerly up toward the sky, like playful fingers trying to lure him in. Felassan breathed slowly and deeply until he was centered and calm, then sprinkled a small handful of herbs over the fire.

The fire abruptly changed from orange to a brilliant vibrant green, and the smell of the smoke became something sharp and old.

Felassan closed his eyes, and for the first time in five years, he dreamed.

When he opened his eyes once more, he was still seated in front of the fire, but he was alone. The peaceful copse of trees where he and Tamaris were camping was imbued with the comforting glowing aura of the Fade, and Felassan sighed in relief as he rose to his feet.

Behind him, he heard a sound.

Not a sound, really, he corrected himself; it was more a suggestion of a sound, like the feeling you got at the back of your neck when you were in a darkened room, but you just knew someone else was there.

Felassan smiled to himself, then turned around. “Recruitment’s going well for you, I hear,” he said. “You always did have a penchant for a good rousing speech.”

Solas tilted his head. The look on his face was complex: neutral at first glance, maybe a little censorious. But buried in his blue-grey eyes was that ever-present abelas’alas’en: that world-weary wistful sadness that had become such an ingrained part of Solas’s expression that Felassan could hardly remember what he looked like without that melancholy in his face.

“I could kill you now,” Solas said.

Felassan leaned casually against a nearby tree and folded his arms. “I’ve been wondering why you didn’t kill me in the first place.” He raised an eyebrow. “A miscalculation, I suppose?”

“A mistake,” Solas said. “One of many.”

Felassan laughed. “Still flagellating yourself, I see. Some things really never change.”

Solas didn’t reply. For a long, suspended moment, he and Felassan simply stared at each other, and Felassan couldn’t quite tell if they were sizing each other up like wolves about to pounce, or whether they were simply marvelling at the strangeness of seeing each other again after five long years apart.

Felassan finally broke the tension. “You can’t kill me,” he said.

Solas lifted his chin slightly. “And why is that?”

“You’ve taken so much from her already,” Felassan said. “Do you really want to take me from her as well?”

Solas went very still, almost as though he was holding his breath. Then he turned away and started to pace in a slow circle. “Emotional blackmail. A cheap strategy.”

“Effective, too,” Felassan replied.

Solas shot him a brief glance. “She would disapprove of you using her feelings for you as a tool for manipulation.”

“Probably,” Felassan said. “Except she told me to use her feelings for me if you threatened me.”

Solas stopped, then cocked his head in a subtle gesture of rebuke. “You lured me here to taunt me, then? Another cheap strategy. How far you have fallen.”

His calm voice was slightly pointed. It was a subtle but clear insult at Felassan’s imperfect magical control, and despite himself, Felassan felt a pang of hurt. The Dread Wolf could be so petty sometimes.

Felassan smiled as though the dig hadn’t hit him. “Do you never think of it?” he asked.

“Of what?”

“Arla’fen,” Felassan said. “The nights we would spend dancing with spirits and drinking until the whole castle was spinning around us. The days we spent sneaking into the Evanuris’s houses to set our people free.”

Solas’s eyebrows rose very slightly. “Of course I think of it.”

“Do you not miss it?”

For a moment, Solas didn’t reply. Then, to Felassan’s surprise, a hint of a smile lifted the corners of his lips. “I certainly miss that fortified wine of Sylaise’s. I have found nothing of this time that quite compares.”

Felassan smiled as well. “I miss that wine, too. But that is not what I mean.” He tilted his head. “I mean the feeling of knowing without a doubt that what you’re doing is right.”

Solas’s tiny smile faded. He looked away, and they were both silent for a long moment.

This time, it was Solas who broke the silence. “You were there. You know the exact depths of the wreckage that I left in my wake. If that is insufficient to convince you of the necessity of the path I now walk, then there is no point in us speaking any further.”

His tone was distant and neutral. Felassan took a step toward him. “You once told Tamaris that pride is the corrupted face of wisdom.”

Solas went still at the sound of her name, and Felassan took advantage of his stillness to push his point. “Perhaps it’s time you took a different name,” he said. “There was once a time when you were Fen’Harel: you were the Rebel Wolf carving away the power of the very gods that held our people down.” He took another step closer to Solas. “But you’re becoming the Dread Wolf now. You’re becoming what the Dalish fairy tales accuse you of being.”

“I don’t expect their understanding or their forgiveness,” Solas said in a hard tone. “I know I will be a monster to them. But I expected better from you.”

“I was exactly what you always expected,” Felassan retorted. “I followed my judgment rather than blindly obeying your command. If blind obedience is what you wanted, then you should have kept the kossith after you saved them from Ghilan’nain instead of hiding them away in the north.”

Solas glared at him, and Felassan held his breath. Solas’s expression was a mask of cold fury, a hint of the sort of rage that had powered some of Fen’Harel’s more violent counterattacks against the Evanuris, and that look on his face instinctively raised Felassan’s pulse.

But Felassan held his ground. He steadily met Solas’s gaze despite his thrumming nerves, and eventually, the fury faded from Solas’s face, leaving only his customary melancholy behind.

He sighed and turned away. “Go back to her, Felassan. Make her happy for the time you have left.”

“You don’t think they can stop you,” Felassan said.

Solas turned back to him. “Neither do you,” he said. “Your time is limited, and you know it. We both know that is the real reason you were comfortable risking this meeting.”

Felassan gazed unblinkingly at him. Not very long ago, Solas would have been right. There had once been a time when Felassan believed wholeheartedly in the rightness of Solas’s vision of the world, and that Solas had the power to reshape the world to match that idyllic vision.

Now, Felassan knew differently. He knew more about this modern world, and he knew the people who lived in it: the multitude of short-lived, stubborn, passionate people who fought to build and create their own little cultures on every corner of the continent. He knew that love existed here just as much as it had in their own time, and that Tamaris’s love was just as gloriously sweet as any that existed in ancient Elvhenan.

Most importantly, Felassan knew that Solas knew it too. And this knowledge — this weakness of Fen’Harel’s — could be exploited.

Felassan didn’t say any of this, though. Information was power, after all, and information about a person’s most deeply denied feelings could be very powerful indeed.

He shrugged casually and tucked his hands in his pockets. “I have always enjoyed supporting the underdog. There was once a time when you did, too.”

Solas gave him a chiding look. “If you are reducing this down to a simple matter of underdog and overlord, then we truly have nothing further to say.”

“I guess not,” Felassan said lightly.

Solas nodded once and looked away, but he didn’t move to leave. Another pregnant pause stretched between them, and Felassan waited curiously for Solas to speak.

When he finally met Felassan’s gaze once more, his blue-grey eyes were more tragic than ever. “Tell her I am sorry,” he said softly.

Felassan ignored the instinctive twist of sympathy that his former friend’s misery triggered in his chest. Instead, he quirked an eyebrow. “You do know the word ‘sorry’ isn’t a panacea, don’t you? It doesn’t reshape reality just because you keep saying it.”

A hint of a smile touched Solas’s lips, but the smile held nothing but sadness. “Blunt,” he remarked. “She is rubbing off on you.”

In more ways than one, Felassan thought. But saying something so provocative would be inviting Solas’s wrath for no good reason.

Instead, he politely inclined his head. “I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said.

“Please do,” Solas replied. Finally he turned away.

Felassan watched as the hem of his cloak fluttered with his receding steps. Before he could disappear into the hazy depths of the Fade, Felassan called out to him. “Solas.”

Solas turned. His eyebrows were lifted, and Felassan couldn’t blame him; this was the first time in centuries that Felassan had addressed him by his original name.

Felassan smiled faintly. “Let us know if you change your mind, won’t you? Otherwise, we’ll see you on the field of battle.”

Solas’s expression softened with pity. “For your sake, pray that you do not,” he said. He turned away once more, and a moment later, he was gone.

Felassan released a long, slow breath, then closed his eyes. When he opened them once more, he was sitting cross-legged on the ground. The fire was a warm orange glow, and Tamaris was anxiously staring at his face.

He smiled at her. “Well, he’s still a stubborn ass. That hasn’t changed.”

Tamaris let out a shaky exhale and covered her mouth. “Fuck,” she breathed. “For fuck’s sake.” She abruptly straddled his lap and hugged him hard, and Felassan laughed in surprise as she nearly knocked him backwards with her sudden embrace.

He hastily caught himself on one hand and wrapped his other arm around her. “Easy, avise. I’m fine, I swear.”

She nodded and buried her face against his neck. She was trembling slightly, and Felassan slowly stroked her back and savoured the warmth of her body until her trembling stilled.

She drew away to look at him, and her expression was curious now. “So what happened? Did he say anything useful?”

Felassan watched her face carefully as he replied. “He still loves you.”

Her eyebrows rose slightly. Then she shrugged. “Well, that’s not very useful. Did he say anything else? Any hints about his plans, where he is right now?”

Felassan gazed fondly at her. Her dismissal of Fen’Harel’s love was both endearing and exhilarating: endearing because it meant she didn’t fully understand just how much Fen’Harel’s lingering feelings mattered and how they could be used against him.

And exhilarating because it meant, without a shadow of doubt, that Tamaris was healed.

He cradled her neck in his palm. “Come here and kiss me,” he murmured.

A faint smile curled her lips. “What about your conversation with Solas? I don’t want you to forget what he said.”

“The taste of your lips will help jog my memory,” he said.

She chuckled. The sound was a husky purr, and Felassan loved hearing it just as much as the first time she’d ever let out a rare but treasured laugh.

She poked his chest. “You can’t keep saying that kissing you helps with everything.”

“Why not?” he said. “It’s been an effective excuse so far.”

She scoffed. “Are you trying to provoke me into not kissing you?”

“As if you could resist,” he teased.

She barked out another husky laugh. “You’re so fucking smug. You know what, just for that, I won’t kiss you.” She started to push herself off of his lap, but before she could fully rise, he grabbed her by the waist.

“Hey!” she protested, but she didn’t resist as Felassan pulled her down. He laid her back on the grass and stretched out over her, and she pushed at his shoulders — a feeble sort of push that made it clear she didn’t really want to get away.

She haughtily lifted her chin. “I’m still not going to kiss you,” she said.

He sighed wistfully as he settled himself between her legs. “So cruel. I suppose I’ll have to kiss you instead.” He lowered his face to hers, and when she playfully turned her face away, he kissed her cheek.

He kissed her cheekbone and her temple, then nibbled her ear until she was laughing. “Fine, fine, I’ll kiss you,” she chuckled. She cupped his face in her hands — one of metal and one of flesh and skin, and both of them perfect.

She stroked his cheek. “You’re such a pain in the ass,” she scolded.

Felassan admired her uninhibited smile and the way it reached all the way to her delicately tilted eyes. Then he dipped his head low and brushed his lips to hers. “Thank you, Tamaris,” he murmured. “I try my very hardest.”

She huffed softly, then tilted her chin up to meet his lips, and Felassan eagerly gave himself over to the velvety plushness of her lips and the smooth silk of her tongue. Her fingers slid into his loosely bound hair to scrape lightly at his scalp, and when he grumbled with pleasure, she pulled him closer and kissed him more hungrily still.

Under the wide open blanket of the star-sprinkled sky, Felassan and Tamaris kissed and shifted together in a slow undulation of bliss, and Felassan marvelled at the exquisite composition of this moment: the softness of Tamaris’s skin and the strength of her legs wrapping around his waist, the melody of her panting breaths and the embrium that scented her hair — all these pieces, these parts and sensations and feelings that collided to make the perfectly imperfect woman who was arching hedonistically into his arms.

If Fen’Harel’s plans came to fruition, their time together would be bitterly short. But in moments like this, when he was wrapped in Tamaris’s affectionate embrace with the sweetness of her love filling his mouth, Felassan felt like time was slowing down and spinning out at a languorous pace, like delicate threads of silk that stretched into the distance farther than the eye could see. When Felassan was with Tamaris, he remembered what it felt like to be immortal.

With Tamaris, he remembered the breathtaking infinity of forever.

#felassan #save felassan #felassan/lavellan #felassan x lavellan #felassan romance #the love that grows from violence #pikapeppa writes

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alj4890 · 4 years

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September Choices Challenge

Day 3: Despair

(Damien x Nadia) A Choices Perfect Match drabble.

A/N I haven’t written a strictly Perfect Match drabble before. I love having Nadia as a love interest for Maxwell in my Royal Romance storylines. They would be so cute together. But in the Perfect Match books, I can’t help but notice how often Damien moves to protect Nadia instead of the MC. How he is the one to question what Eros really is and wants to investigate it and Steve because it is Nadia that is involved. Anyway, enough of my observations. Here is my first official Perfect Match drabble. And I have no idea who to tag,

@krsnlove @trappedinfandoms @choicesseptemberchallenge20 @xjustin-ethansgirliex @lovealexhunt

Masterlist

The Color of Despair

"Damien?"

Nadia shook his shoulder.

"Hmm?" He murmured in his sleep.

"Damien?" She spoke louder. "Wake up!"

He sat up with a start.

Damien blinked a couple of times to focus on the voice that he should not be hearing in his bedroom.

"Nadia?"

"Good, you're awake."

He reached over and turned the bedside lamp on. One glance at the clock told him that 3:52 a.m. meant only one thing.

The nightmares had returned.

Nadia averted her eyes, not wanting to see his irritation or even worse...pity.

She didn't know what to say. She had only known when she woke up that she needed to see Damien. Make certain he was the real human version of her best friend.

So she left her apartment in the Upper East Side and made her way to Brooklyn.

With Kai traveling the world with Hayden, Sloane working with the other Matches, and Steve deciding that he wanted out of the relationship he had with Nadia; Damien was all she had left.

Which worked out great since he was the only one who could comfort her in these moments.

Still, she knew it was foolish to be coming over every other night just to check on him.

Nadia quickly opened up the gallery on her phone and chose a painting. "What does this make you feel?"

Damien didn't bother to mask his groan. It was the one thing a Match couldn’t do: describe the abstract. Part of him, which wasn't the most pleasant from being startled awake, wanted to say it was indescribable.

One look at her pinched, fearful face had him going along with the test.

It was an abstract painting of swirls of blues and purples on a black background.

He tilted his head while thinking. "It makes me feel hopeful."

Nadia blinked. "Hopeful?"

"Even with the all consuming dark void, hope springs forth." He pointed at the blue swirls. "It still has the effects of despair, yet I feel that these blue lines mean that one can escape, even if you aren't what you once were."

Nadia brushed at the stray tears that seemed to never stop when her nightmares resurfaced. When she saw this painting, she thought it truly represented how she felt when they had lost him. The colors were of her depression. Her desperation to get him back. Her need of her best friend.

"You're really him." She said, mostly for her own benefit. "You're really my Damien."

He ran his fingers through his shaggy hair, deciding to change the subject as much as he could. "I don't like you out this late at night on your own."

"I can't control when the nightmares happen." She snapped.

"Nadia." His raspy voice over exaggerated the syllables of her name. "I know that."

Her eyes raised to his. "Do you? Do you know what it feels like to wake up in a cold sweat, sobbing your name in the darkness, unable to get a deep breath?" Her voice rose in volume with her questions. "Do you have any idea how it felt when I found out you had been kidnapped?"

Damien reached over for her hand.

He lowered his gaze to her thin, graceful fingers. It amazed him that they were capable of such talent. The paintings. The sculptures. Everything she touched turned into a work of art.

And somehow in this moment, those same fingers made it easier to open up some to her about his time as a prisoner under Cecilia’s malicious treatment.

"I do know what that's like." He said softly. "Eros tortured me with versions of you and Kai. Hell, they even mixed it up some with Alana."

He shifted over to the right when he saw that she was about to break down crying.

When he patted the spot next to him, Nadia crawled over and took the left side of his bed. She scooted closer to him when he lifted his arm up to wrap around her.

They were both silent as they each relived that horrific time that happened less than a year ago.

"Ouch!" Damien rubbed his ribs. "What was that for?"

"I just realized something!" Nadia exclaimed. "You didn't give me much of a chance to talk to you once we rescued you."

"Nadia I had been imprisoned and tortured both mentally and emotionally. Not to mention the occasional beating when I got out of line." He reminded her. "I needed space to--"

"You allowed Kai talk to you." She pointed out. "Why wouldn't you let me?" Her eyes filled with tears. "I was your friend first."

Damien leaned his head back against the padded headboard of his bed.

How could he explain this when he wasn't sure why he did that?

For years, he had believed himself in love with Kai. And yet...every single time the Park cousins were in danger, he automatically moved to protect Nadia. It had become second nature. No thinking, Only instinct.

He never did that for the Park woman he thought he had fallen for.

Perhaps it was a good thing Kai had chosen to be with Hayden.

Damien jumped when Nadia poked him in the ribs again.

"Are you going to answer me?" She asked.

"I had a lot going on in my mind." He admitted. "I was having a hard enough time believing I was really rescued, much less able to hear how you felt believing an android was the real me."

Nadia slipped her arms around his waist. She laid her head on his chest, allowing the reassuring sound of his heartbeat to calm her.

She didn't know why the deep despair still visited her.

She had always loved Damian. Even when she believed herself in love with Steve, she still wanted to be near her best friend.

She closed her eyes as the memory of Cecelia sending them the video of Damien being tortured came to mind. Her heart had hurt to the point that she could barely breathe.

The guilt that she had been responsible for everything that had happened was weighing heavily on her.

"I'm sorry."

She tilted her head up to look at him. "What have you to be sorry for?"

"For not giving you a chance to talk to me." He squeezed her closer. "I should have been there for you."

"No, I should have been there for you." She argued. "It was all my fault. If I hadn't encouraged Kai to go try out Eros, got you involved when Steve left me...you never would have had to go through what you did."

"It wasn't your fault." He grumbled. "We've been over this too many times to count. Eros is to blame for all that happened. Rowan shouldn't have tried to play God."

Nadia nodded, snuggling closer as exhaustion caught up to her.

"I know I should go back to my place," she covered her mouth with a yawn, "but I'm too tired."

"Then stay here." He turned the light off.

Damien thought about the trauma they had both been through. Somehow out of the three of them, Kai had been able to remain unaffected. And as hard as Nadia tried to pretend that everything was fine, he knew she needed a more permanent form of reassurance.

"Maybe we should be roommates for a while." He said softly. "That way you only have to cross the hallway when these nightmares happen."

He felt her arms tighten around him.

"You would do that for me?" She asked.

"I offered didn't I?"

"Then you're moving into my place tomorrow." Nadia gave him another hug before turning over.

She tugged his arm to get him to turn with her, keeping her hand in his.

He smiled at her bossy nature, lacing his fingers with hers.

With a final whispered good night, they each fell into a dreamless sleep.

#choices perfect match #damien nazario #nadia park #pm nadia park #pm damien #choices september challenge #choices sept challenge #choices stories you play #choices pm

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shipersanonymous · 4 years

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One Hit West

Chapter 5

Author's note:

Took forever!!!! But for a 4000 word chapter I think the two week wait was kinda OK? I hope? Of course as always this chapter will leave you with more questions then you care to have and all building up to the great answer!

Hope you all like it!!

Cliffhanger warnings apply 😉❤️

P.S There’s a bit of a flashback within a flashback here. Hope it doesn’t confuse you!

XOXO

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

[Iris]

The doorman holds the door open for her and Iris thanks him with a smile as she pushes the stroller in. Her mom jeans hang loosely around her legs, concealing the armada of weapons strapped to them and years of practice allow her to walk without acknowledging the extra weight. It’s an easy enough target, mistaken identity style kill, but she’d rather be prepared then to get trapped with nothing but a rifle. Iris walks into the lift and keeps on her act. Bare hands (except for her ring); large, square shades obscuring her face and a short wig that’s styled into a generic “mom-like” messy bun.

As the numbers on the little screen change, taking her closer to her destination, she finds herself taking deep breaths and completing her transition into her work persona.

Cold.

Cruel.

Calculated.

The transition is almost ritualistic. Usually she switches within the blink of an eye but this evening her mind is pestered by memories of the night before…

“Iris,” her father greeted calmly, without turning his head towards her. His relaxed attitude aggravated her further and she found herself forcing deep breaths in order to stay as composed as possible.

“Where’s my daughter?”

“Upstairs, fast asleep, but…”

Iris stopped in her tracks.

“…before you go up and get her…”

Joe put his cup down and stood up to face her for the first time.

“…you owe me an explanation.”

“I don’t owe you shit,” Iris spat, and turned around to ascend the stairs when her father’s bellowing voice stopped her mid-step yet again.

“Don’t you dare turn your back on me Iris!”

“Or what? Huh?” She challenged, her cool seeping out of her with every passing second.

“What are you gonna do dad? In a matter of hours you’ve attempted to kill my daughter’s father then kidnapped her. How are you planning on topping that off?” Iris kept her voice down out of fear of waking Nora and having to face questions she wasn’t as yet ready to answer.

“What were you doing at the casino?” He asked, ignoring her question. Iris looked at him incredulously then let out a half-hearted chuckle and answered:

“I felt lucky, thought I’d have a go at some poker.”

“I’m going to ask you, one more time. What? Were you doing? At the casino?”

“I already-”

“Iris.” Joe’s tone came out as a warning and he turned his head to the side, closing his eyes shut like a man trying to hold back an outburst.

“Hasn’t that boy ruined your life en-”

“No dad! He didn’t ruin my life, you did! You ruined my life when you kicked me out!”

“I gave you an option God damn it! It was your decision to walk away!”

Iris couldn’t believe her ears. To this day her father still thinks that the alternative to her packing her bags would have been the better choice.

“I’m not in the mood to have this conversation for the billionth time. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to get my daughter and go home.”

“Where is he?” Joe demanded, once again paying her statement no mind. His ability to hear what he wants to when he sees fit never fails to surprise her.

“We both know I’m not going to tell you. I didn’t save him just to have you kill him.”

“So you were interfering with my hit?”

Iris sighed, tired and exasperated.

“Yes dad I was. Is that what you wanna hear? That I was doing what’s right for my child like any good parent would? Do I have to explain how this works since clearly good parenting is a language you forgot the minute I told you I was pregnant?”

She regretted the words the minute they left her lips but it was too late and the grave expression that fell over her father’s worn features told her that she’d pressed the mother of all buttons.

“Get out,” he growled under his breath.

“Gladly. After I get what’s mine,” she answered without letting her regret show through.

The lift dings on her floor and Iris pushes the empty stroller to apartment number 64, the very apartment she pretended to be scouting a week before as she took notes of the building’s important features: emergency exits, security cameras, fire alarms etc. That’s how she knows that the hallways are monitored with cameras while the apartments are kept safe with motion detectors.

The stair ways are dead zones and are basically the least secure places save for the automatic locks on the doors that can only be opened with access key cards. The stairs are also the only way to reach the basement and that’s where the screen room is located. Not that she needs any of this information. Her father has a Loyal in almost every building in the city. These are people that either owe him, work for him or are too afraid to test him and therefore grant him any and all means of access into a number of places. Apartment buildings, restaurants, entertainment destinations, tourist attractions – you name it. And all she needs to get in is her red ruby ring. It’s a simple stone, common enough not to draw suspicion if worn by many and yet unique enough to be used as a distinguisher. Although in her case the red makes it special. The rest of her father’s hit family have rings with much the same design but their stones are green emeralds instead. Red rubies are reserved for those with the last name West.

They were her mother’s favourite gem stone.

The walk up the stairs threatened to bring back memories she didn’t need roaming through her mind at that very moment. Memories from before. Before loss turned her father in to a cold hearted killer. Before she saw the way his face changes just before he pulls that trigger.

Before she became him.

Iris walked into her old bedroom, all the details giving her a sense of Déjà vu. It was all exactly as she’d left it, from the positioning of the furniture to her high school photo frames (considerably emptier than they were when she still called the room hers), to the paint on the walls. It was like stepping into a time capsule of some of the greatest moments of her life…

Her freshly painted toes wiggled in the air as her feet rested (crossed at the ankle) against the wall. The still hot curls in her hair, cascaded over the edge of her bed like a water fall and she passed the time with a book in her hand. Getting dressed with three hours to go seemed like over kill and even though she was excited to see Barry, she wanted the moment to be perfect.

Perfect didn’t include her looking sweaty in a wrinkled dress. So she practised the art of patience as she dove into the third of the Twilight books. A knock on her door drew her attention away from Bella’s latest inner turmoil and she asked the visitor to come in. Barry’s fresh shaven face popped into her room, his hair neatly slicked back and as he stepped inside, the space was filled with a deliciously masculine scent. Her eyes bulged out of their sockets as she took him in, pressed suit with a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand, ready to go and earlier than ever.

He was up to something.

“Barry what are you doing here so early? We’re not supposed to meet for another three hours!” She asks, putting her book down without saving her page, she’d already read it three times any way, she’d be able to find that page with just a few flips.

“I just couldn’t wait to see you.” He smiled, though she noticed the glimmer of nervousness in his stare.

“But - ” Before she had a chance to finish her sentence Barry dropped down on one knee and Iris felt herself grow pale.

“Barry? What are-”

“Just, hear me out ok? I know that we’ve only known each other for a year and that we still have a life a head of us – graduation and college and work - but Iris the truth is, within our first week together I already knew that no one would ever complete me the way that you do,”

“Barry,” was all she could whisper out as she tried to keep her tears in. She was shocked out of her mind and had no idea what to think but her heart felt every word that slipped out of his mouth.

“I love you Iris,” he said as he reached into the bouquet and pulled out a tiny red velvet box.

“And I know that we’re too young to get married, but I can’t stand the thought of a possible future without you. Which is why I found a compromise.” He opened the box and inside rested a single silver band with tiny red jewels imbedded into it.

“This isn’t an engagement ring, not yet anyways, but it is still a symbol of my promise to you. My promise to love you, be there for you, support you and take care of you for the rest of our days. And someday, hopefully soon, I promise to replace this ring with a much more permanent version.”

Iris found herself struggling to breathe and if it weren’t for the fact that she was still standing paralysed in front of him she might have thought her legs had magically disappeared because she couldn’t feel them. She couldn’t feel any part of her body except for her roaring heart.

“What do you say Iris? Will you take this ring as a symbol of my promise of forever?” he asked and at that the tears made their debut on her yet to be made-up face. She nodded, unable to speak and covered her mouth with her left hand as she slipped the delicate piece of jewellery on her right hand’s ring finger. Barry rose back onto his feet and she half laughed, half sobbed as she noticed the moisture in his eyes before she pulled him into her and hugged him tight. They parted a few inches, just enough for him to lean into her and offer her a tender kiss.

“I’m guessing this means that she liked it?” came Joe’s voice from the door way and the young couple took a reprieve from their embrace to look at him, though they remained in each other’s arms.

“Dad?”

Joe smiled and folded his arms over his chest as he leaned side-ways against the door frame.

“And I thought I had a hard enough time gift shopping for you, but this young man right here second guesses everything when it comes to you. This was the longest jewellery hunt in the history of man.” He commented with a chuckle and a look of fondness directed at the youth before him.

“Wait a second, so you knew?” Iris asked.

“I kinda asked your dad for help shopping for the ring,” Barry admitted, sheepishly.

“Right after he asked me for permission to give it to you and promised never to break your heart.” Joe added proudly, there was nothing Joe loved more than a respectful young fellow with good old fashioned morals. Except of course if that young fellow happened to look at his little girl like she hung every star in the sky. That was reason enough to have his old heart smiling for the rest of its beating days.

Because she’d found someone who would love her as much as he once loved his wife.

“Hold on to this one baby girl. He’s one of the good one’s”

“I know,” Iris said, her twinkling gaze glued onto Barry’s just before he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers.

Her eye’s drifted briefly to the jewellery box on her vanity table and almost as if she had x-ray vision, in her mind’s eye, she looked past the white jewelled exterior and could picture the ring where she’d left it. Hidden from herself at the very bottom. Almost as if she we’re trying to bury the memories and emotions that came with it.

The whiskey burns its way down her throat and warms her up from the inside out. It’s the only thing she currently feels as she waits for the tiny buzz of her watch.

Beep – beep.

There it is.

With one last look at the city she downs the rest of her dry drink and turns around to make her exit, grabbing the diaper bag and travel seat that rested on the couch. Her “busy mama” act has her power walking to the nearest stairway exit where she uses her access card to disappear from the cameras view. The stairs offer her all the privacy she needs to slip out of her baggy sweater and jeans to reveal the black leather, skin tight suit she has on underneath. Her weapons are still carefully attached to the sides of her legs.

Iris pulls on her gloves and ankle length trench coat then whips off her wig and reaches down for a gun as she gazes at her watch. A door on the wall to her left opens up to a storage closet that she uses to hide away her baby seat and diaper bag then up the stairs she goes, screwing on her silencer as she takes the stairs two at a time. All the while she takes deep breaths and pushes down the last of her humanity, the last of her thoughts of her baby girl.

Her focus shifted from the Pandora’s box on the table to Nora’s sleeping figure. Cecile, who was seated on the edge of the bed beside Nora, looked at Iris and smiled sadly. Iris’s heart went out to her, she was the only one who could get her father to feel anything other than hatred at the world since her mother’s passing and yet she couldn’t get him to be the old Joe, the Joe she deserved.

“How long has she been asleep?” Iris whispered, kneeling down beside her bed and stroking her daughter’s hair gently. All at once the action soothed her every insecurity and it felt like discovering how to breathe a new. She leaned in and planted a tender kiss to the child’s warm forehead and breathed her in.

She smelled like home.

“Not long. Go ahead, take her, I’ll help you out with her chair.” Cecile whispered back, smiling sympathetically. Iris thanked her with a smile of her own and shifted so as to slowly lift her daughter up. She was careful not to make any violent or miscalculated movements, almost like she were handling a rare doll made of glass.

But the caution was needed.

Nora curled into her mother’s arm burying her face in Iris’s chest and no words could describe the paradoxical feeling of fear and security that came with having her baby in her arms. With one arm under her daughter’s knees and the other supporting her back, Iris walked down the stairs and out the door towards her car, her father paid her no mind as she left and she did her best to ignore the sting his lack of attention injected into her.

“Thanks Cecile.” She said once Nora was safely strapped in and her chair tucked away in the trunk.

“Not a problem, and don’t worry about your dad. He’ll come around.” She said.

“Not if he keeps hating on everyone with the last name Allen,” Iris pointed out in a matter-of-fact tone.

“That name, it’s taken a lot from him.” Cecile tried to reason with Iris and the other woman’s eyes seemed to say ‘form us’ though she dared not speak of her loss. It hurt too much to think about.

Iris wouldn’t budge. She knew better. She knew that her father didn’t know the half of what he’d lost, of the nightmares she attributed to that name. And with the way that things were going he would never know. Not from her mouth anyway. So as she steps into her car she responds:

“Not me, he pushed me away all by himself.”

The jog up the three flights of stairs help circulate the adrenaline in her system so by the time she steps out into the hallway of the 28th floor she’s fired up and ready to strike. She takes calm steps towards apartment number 81 and stands in front of it like she’s ready to knock. With a subtle movement she tucks some stray hair behind her ear, flashing her ring at the camera and a few seconds later, the red recording light dies out.

She’s got five minutes.

Her actions gain a certain fluidity as she turns back towards apartment number 83 and knocks as gently as she possibly can. A tall man with a 6 o’clock shadow and a head free of hair answers the door. His dress shirt is half undone yet still tucked into his black suit pants, under different circumstances Iris might have stopped to allow herself to take him in but her mind is elsewhere and she’s still pissed about last night. She needs to blow off some steam. His seductive smile slips from his lips when his eyes land on Iris giving away that he was expecting someone else.

In his confusion he asks:

“Who the he-”

But Iris has no time for chit chat. Before he can blink, she’s moved into the apartment, closed the door behind her, pressed her weapon against his forehead and pulled back the trigger. Pieces of cerebral tissue redecorate the space behind him and he falls to the ground, painting the white tiled floor with blood. Iris approaches without hesitation and stairs at his wide eyes with indifference.

“Your wife sends her love,” she says before firing two more shots. The hit brief she got requested that this be staged as a crime of passion. Hence the foreign gun and overkill. Some poor unfortunate side piece is about to get some major jail time while the “weeping” widow cashes out the prick’s life insurance. All’s well that ends well in the game of hearts. Iris discards the weapon on the floor and walks out with a minute to spare. She sees the numbers above the elevator light up as it brings a passenger closer to her and she smiles, assuming that it must be the unsuspecting mistress. Just before the lift reaches her floor she walks back out into the stair way and follows it down to her disguise with a reassurance that a few seconds later the cameras rebooted and set the perfect trap.

…

[Barry]

Earlier today…

It’s a weird feeling, waking up in a strange bed at a strange house and yet somehow feeling completely at home. This notion haunts him all morning as he stares up at the white ceiling and tries to make sense of it.

Maybe it’s the thought of it being her house. Or the fact that her scent lingers in every little corner of the place. Maybe that’s why it all seems so strangely comfortable. Like getting to share her little secret.

Getting to be her little secret.

Yet, as good as that all might sound Barry can’t help the sinking feeling in his stomach, the dull ache of his heart’s every thud. The gut twisting sensation that she’s hiding something from him, something life changing. He plops one hand underneath his head and sighs. It’s mid afternoon and Barry is wasting his day away in bed. He tried to do a little cardio, made some breakfast, read a page or two but every action put him down a path of what ifs.

What if Iris were there? Would he be making her breakfast? Would she be reading him a passage from the book as he poured her coffee? Would she be wearing one of his old t-shirts and chuckling when he pressed a random kiss to her cheek?

Sigh.

More questions without answers.

It’s times like these that Barry normally turns to his brother. Bart is most definitely the most rational of them both. Barry always thinks with his heart despite his superior intelligence but Bart always finds a way to act with rationality. They always joke that their personalities came with their middle names. Bartholomew “Barry” Henry Allen took after their father, flexible mind but much too large a heart. Bartholomew “Bart” Harry Allen took after their ‘uncle’ and legal guardian Harrison, kind at heart but ever the critical thinker. It’s a trait that Barry, at times, envies in his twin brother: the ability to disconnect from emotion in favour of science. Barry can’t bring himself to do it.

He always wears his heart on his sleeve.

The sound of keys turning in the lock draw Barry’s attention back from his differences with his twin and he turns his head towards the sound while listening intently.

“Can we get the purple tights and my STAR Labs sweater aunt Anissa?”

A young girl seems to ask and the innocence in her voice brings a smile onto his face.

“’Course you can baby. Since your mom forgot to pack your clothes this morning you get to pick what ever you like.”

That voice is unmistakable. It’s definitely Iris’s favourite cousin Anissa. Barry hasn’t seen her since that random run in, a year after the break up…

It had been a year since he’d last seen her. Their anniversary was drawing near and he hadn’t so much as glimpsed her across the street or bumped into her at the grocery store. It was hard but nothing compared to those first few months.

The confusion as to what could possibly have gone wrong. The multitude of questions without answers. The heart ache, so strong at times he’d wake up in the middle of the night fighting for breath. He’d sunk into a depression so deep that his uncle had him seeing both a psychologist and psychiatrist. He’d been prescribed antidepressants and moved to England because a “change in scenery” would do him good.

All it did was provide him with enough isolation to feed his loud mind. So during the brief Christmas break, when Harrison summoned him back home, Barry made a habit out of wondering aimlessly about the streets of Central City. He blamed his sleeplessness on the time zones but he knew better. A good night’s sleep hadn’t formed part of his routine in a while. Power naps and unhealthy amounts of coffee were what kept him afloat in college.

In England he’d found an escape in his academics, burying himself in pile after pile of literature. Completing assignments way ahead of the due dates and prepping tutoring material to help a few nameless faces after class. So when the holidays came around he suddenly found himself spoiled for time and with nothing else but his neglected heart ache to occupy his mind.

That’s when the endless drives around the city became routine. He’d managed to convince himself that he was simply trying to pass time but he knew – he felt – that in reality he was looking for her.

Iris.

It was on one of these drives that he ran into Anissa. With no where to go, Barry found himself at a 24hr convenience store, roaming through the aisles of all things comforting and deadly. On his way to the freezers he glimpsed a familiar profile in his peripheral and stopped mid step. Low and behold there she stood, with a tin of powdered milk in her hand and a shopping basket filled with baby supplies. The tin she held grabbed all her attention so she didn’t notice Barry approaching till he was a few steps away and asked:

“Anissa?” She startled, which was expected, but when her face turned towards him it didn’t instantly flood with recognition and a drop of sympathy. Instead her eyes widened and her face paled with fear. Without warning she dropped her basket on the floor and took off running. He chased after her, too desperate to pay the questioning looks any mind.

“Anissa wait! Please!”

But she didn’t slow. Instead she knocked down a stack of canned food in an attempt to leave the tin of milk that was still in her hand. Barry chased her outside but couldn’t catch up to her. So eventually he stopped and simply watched her make her escape. Jennifer, her younger sister, was in the car with her and she seemed to have a baby in her arms…

Barry remembers wondering who’s baby was in the car that night. Now, doing the math, he realises that it could have been Iris’s little girl. Which leaves the question: Where was Iris when her cousin was playing house with her daughter?

“Do you want to get any books while we’re here?”

“No it’s OK. I’ve read all of these already. Mom promised she’d take me book shopping on my birthday anyway. I can wait till then.”

The little girl’s voice held a note of sadness at the mention of her birthday, but a sadness brought on by hope. Almost as if she wanted to believe that the statement was true but knew otherwise.

“Does that mean you’re not coming to see aunt Jen and me? You know she’s been working real hard on your surprise.” Anissa tries to cheer the little girl up, all the while Barry listens intently from his new vantage spot behind the door.

“I like cup cakes better the next day. Aunt Jen can just put them away for me.” She answers, by the sound of it she seems distracted.

“Cupcakes? Who said anything about cupcakes?” Her aunt sounds surprised.

“Come on aunt Nissa. I practically live with you and I know you barely get enough time to bake. I also know that you only get one bag of flour to last at least five months if the expiry date permits and only get enough chocolate chips to cover one batch of pancakes or cookies when you feel up to the task. That being said, last week you bought a fresh bag of flour, a dozen more eggs when you already had in your refrigerator and enough chocolate chips to either make three batches of cookies or aunt Jen’s double chocolate cupcakes. You’re out of shortening so that can only mean you’re making cupcakes. Conclusion: aunt Jen is making me cup cakes for my birthday.”

Barry’s jaw drops and it isn’t till he sees his own shock reflected on Anissa’s side profile that he realises he’s stepped out of his hiding place. His ears couldn’t believe what they were hearing so he subconsciously walked towards the sound of her voice only to find that the person giving out such a detailed explanation is in fact a little girl.

Her back is to him as she’s sorting through some clothes in a drawer and her hair is done in two loose fish braids that disappear into the back of her wheel chair.

“Are you sure you’re five?” he blurts out, unable to suppress his own shock and startling them both. The little girl manoeuvres her chair so that she can face him and Barry feels his mouth go dry as he takes in her face.

He’s suddenly lost in her little green eyes.

#The Flash #westallen #iris west #barry allen #barry and iris #the gold standard #fan fiction #fanfic #flash fanfiction #flash fan #flash fiction #angst #danger #eventual smut #romance #hitwoman

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Janet Gaynor (born Laura Augusta Gainor; October 6, 1906 – September 14, 1984) was an American film, stage and television actress and painter.

Gaynor began her career as an extra in shorts and silent films. After signing with Fox Film Corporation (later 20th Century-Fox) in 1926, she rose to fame and became one of the biggest box office draws of the era. In 1929, she was the first winner of the Academy Award for Best Actress for her performances in three films: 7th Heaven (1927), Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927), and Street Angel (1928). This was the only occasion on which an actress has won one Oscar for multiple film roles. Gaynor's career success continued into the sound film era, and she achieved a notable success in the original version of A Star Is Born (1937), for which she received a second Best Actress Academy Award nomination.

After retiring from acting in 1939, Gaynor married film costume designer Adrian with whom she had a son. She briefly returned to acting in films and television in the 1950s and later became an accomplished oil painter. In 1980, Gaynor made her Broadway debut in the stage adaptation of the 1971 film Harold and Maude and appeared in the touring theatrical production of On Golden Pond in February 1982. In September 1982, she sustained multiple injuries when the taxicab in which she and others were passengers was struck by a drunken driver. These injuries eventually caused her death in September 1984.

Gaynor was born Laura Augusta Gainor (some sources stated Gainer) in Germantown, Philadelphia. Nicknamed "Lolly" as a child, she was the younger of two daughters born to Laura (Buhl) and Frank De Witt Gainor. Frank Gainor worked as a theatrical painter and paperhanger. When Gaynor was a toddler, her father began teaching her how to sing, dance, and perform acrobatics. As a child in Philadelphia, she began acting in school plays. After her parents divorced in 1914, Gaynor, her sister, and her mother moved to Chicago. Shortly thereafter, her mother married electrician Harry C. Jones. The family later moved west to San Francisco.

After graduating from San Francisco Polytechnic High School in 1923, Gaynor spent the winter vacationing in Melbourne, Florida, where she did stage work. Upon returning to San Francisco, Gaynor, her mother, and stepfather moved to Los Angeles, where she could pursue an acting career. She was initially hesitant to do so, and enrolled at Hollywood Secretarial School. She supported herself by working in a shoe store and later as a theatre usher. Her mother and stepfather continued to encourage her to become an actress and she began making the rounds to the studios (accompanied by her stepfather) to find film work.

Gaynor won her first professional acting job on December 26, 1924, as an extra in a Hal Roach comedy short. This led to more extra work in feature films and shorts for Film Booking Offices of America and Universal. Universal eventually hired her as a stock player for $50 a week. Six weeks after being hired by Universal, an executive at Fox Film Corporation offered her a screen test for a supporting role in the film The Johnstown Flood (1926). Her performance in the film caught the attention of Fox executives, who signed her to a five-year contract and began to cast her in leading roles. Later that year, Gaynor was selected as one of the WAMPAS Baby Stars (along with Joan Crawford, Dolores del Río, Mary Astor, and others).

By 1927, Gaynor was one of Hollywood's leading ladies. Her image was that of a sweet, wholesome, and pure young woman who was notable for playing her roles with depth and sensitivity. Her performances in 7th Heaven, the first of 12 films she would make with actor Charles Farrell; Sunrise, directed by F. W. Murnau; and Street Angel, also with Charles Farrell, earned her the first Academy Award for Best Actress in 1929, when for the first and only time the award was granted for multiple roles, on the basis of total recent work rather than for one particular performance. This practice was prohibited three years later by a new Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences rule. Gaynor was not only the first actress to win the award, but at 22, was also the youngest until 1986, when actress Marlee Matlin, 21, won for her role in Children of a Lesser God.

Gaynor was one of only a handful of established lead actresses who made a successful transition to sound films. In 1929, she was reteamed with Charles Farrell (the pair was known as "America's favorite love birds") for the musical film Sunny Side Up. During the early 1930s, Gaynor was one of Fox's most popular actresses and one of Hollywood's biggest box office draws. In 1931 and 1932, she and Marie Dressler were tied as the number-one box office draws. After Dressler's death in 1934, Gaynor held the top spot alone.[9] She was often cited as a successor to Mary Pickford, and was cast in remakes of two Pickford films, Daddy Long Legs (1931) and Tess of the Storm Country (1932). Gaynor drew the line at a proposed remake of Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, which she considered "too juvenile".

Gaynor continued to garner top billing for roles in State Fair (1933) with Will Rogers and The Farmer Takes a Wife (1935), which introduced Henry Fonda to the screen as Gaynor's leading man. However, when Darryl F. Zanuck merged his fledgling studio, Twentieth Century Pictures, with Fox Film Corporation to form 20th Century-Fox, her status became precarious and even tertiary to those of burgeoning actresses Loretta Young and Shirley Temple. According to press reports at the time, Gaynor held out on signing with the new 20th Century-Fox until her salary was raised from $1,000 a week to $3,000. The studio quickly issued a statement denying that Gaynor was holding out for more money. She quietly signed a new contract, the terms of which were never made public.

Gaynor received top billing above Constance Bennett, Loretta Young, and Tyrone Power in Ladies in Love (1937) but her box office appeal had already begun to wane: once ranked number one, she had dropped to number 24. She considered retiring due to her frustration with studio executives, who continued to cast her in the same type of role that brought her fame while audiences' tastes were changing. After 20th Century-Fox executives proposed that her contract be renegotiated and she be demoted to featured player status, Gaynor left the studio, but her retirement plans were quashed when David O. Selznick offered her the leading role in a new film to be produced by his company, Selznick International Pictures. Selznick, who was friendly with Gaynor off-screen, was convinced that audiences would enjoy seeing her portray a character closer to her true personality. He believed that she possessed the perfect combination of humor, charm, vulnerability, and innocence for the role of aspiring actress Esther Blodgett (later "Vicki Lester") in A Star Is Born. Gaynor accepted the role. The romantic drama was filmed in Technicolor and co-starred Fredric March. Released in 1937, it was an enormous hit and earned Gaynor her second Academy Award nomination for Best Actress; she lost to Luise Rainer for The Good Earth.

A Star Is Born revitalized Gaynor's career, and she was cast in the screwball comedy The Young in Heart (1938) with Paulette Goddard. That film was a modest hit, but by then Gaynor had definitely decided to retire. She later explained, "I had been working steadily for 17 long years, making movies was really all I knew of life. I just wanted to have time to know other things. Most of all I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to get married. I wanted a child. And I knew that in order to have these things one had to make time for them. So I simply stopped making movies. Then as if by a miracle, everything I really wanted happened." At the top of the industry, she retired at age 33.

In August 1939, Gaynor married Hollywood costume designer Adrian with whom she had a son in 1940. The couple divided their time between their 250-acre cattle ranch in Anápolis, Brazil, and their homes in New York and California. Both were also heavily involved in the fashion and arts community. Gaynor returned to acting in the early 1950s with appearances in live television anthology series including Medallion Theatre, Lux Video Theatre, and General Electric Theater.[8] In 1957, she appeared in her final film role as Dick Sargent's mother in the musical comedy Bernardine, starring Pat Boone and Terry Moore. In November 1959, she made her stage debut in the play The Midnight Sun, in New Haven, Connecticut. The play, which Gaynor later called "a disaster", was not well received and closed shortly after its debut.

Gaynor also became an accomplished oil painter of vegetable and flower still lifes. She sold over 200 paintings and had four showings under the Wally Findlay Galleries banner in New York, Chicago, and Palm Beach from 1975 to February 1982.

In 1980, Gaynor made her Broadway debut as "Maude" in the stage adaptation of the 1971 film Harold and Maude. She received good reviews for her performance, but the play was panned by critics and closed after 21 performances. Later that year, she reunited with her Servants' Entrance co-star Lew Ayres to film an episode of the anthology series The Love Boat. It was the first television appearance Gaynor had made since the 1950s and was her last screen role. In February 1982, she starred in the touring production of On Golden Pond. This was her final acting role.

Gaynor was romantically involved with her friend and frequent co-star, Charles Farrell, during the time of their work together in silent film, until she married her first husband. Choosing to keep their relationship out of the public eye, Gaynor and Farrell were often assisted by mutual friend Douglas Fairbanks Jr. in maintaining the ruse. Looking back, Fairbanks would later recall, "We three were so chummy that I became their 'beard,' the cover-up for their secret romance. I would drive them out to a little rundown, wooden house well south of Los Angeles, near the sea. I'd leave them there and go sailing or swimming until [it was] time to collect them and then we'd all have a bit of dinner."

According to Gaynor's biographer Sarah Baker, Farrell proposed marriage during the filming of Lucky Star, but the two never followed through with it. In her later years, Gaynor would hold their different personalities accountable for their eventual separation.

Gaynor was married three times and had one child. Her first marriage was to lawyer Jesse Lydell Peck, whom she married on September 11, 1929. Gaynor's attorney announced the couple's separation in late December 1932.

She was granted a divorce on April 7, 1933. On August 14, 1939, she married MGM costume designer Adrian in Yuma, Arizona. This relationship has been called a lavender marriage, since Adrian was openly gay within the film community while Gaynor was rumored to be gay or bisexual. The couple had one son, Robin Gaynor Adrian, born in 1940. Those rumors were never hinted at in newspapers or magazines. Gaynor and Adrian remained married until Adrian's death from a stroke on September 13, 1959.

On December 24, 1964, Gaynor married her longtime friend, stage producer Paul Gregory, to whom she remained married until her death. The two maintained a home in Desert Hot Springs, California and also owned 3,000 acres of land near Brasília.

Gaynor and her husband traveled frequently with her close friend Mary Martin and her husband. A Brazilian press report noted that Gaynor and Martin briefly lived with their respective husbands in Anapolis, state of Goiás at a ranch (fazenda in Portuguese) in the 1950s and 1960s – both houses are still there nowadays. There is a project by the Jan Magalinski Institute to restore their houses to create a Cinema Museum of Goiás.

On the evening of September 5, 1982, Gaynor, her husband Paul Gregory, actress Mary Martin, and Martin's manager Ben Washer were involved in a serious car accident in San Francisco. A van ran a red light at the corner of California and Franklin Streets and crashed into the Luxor taxicab in which the group was riding, knocking it into a tree. Ben Washer was killed, Mary Martin sustained two broken ribs and a broken pelvis, and Gaynor's husband suffered two broken legs. Gaynor sustained several serious injuries, including 11 broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, pelvic fractures, a punctured lung, and injuries to her bladder and kidney. The driver of the van, Robert Cato, was arrested on two counts of felony drunk driving, reckless driving, speeding, running a red light, and vehicular homicide. Cato pleaded not guilty and was later released on $10,000 bail. On March 15, 1983, he was found guilty of drunk driving and vehicular homicide and was sentenced to three years in prison.

As a result of her injuries, Gaynor was hospitalized for four months and underwent two surgeries to repair a perforated bladder and internal bleeding. She recovered sufficiently to return to her home in Desert Hot Springs, but continued to experience health issues due to the injuries and required frequent hospitalizations. Shortly before her death, she was hospitalized for pneumonia and other ailments. On September 14, 1984, Gaynor died at Desert Hospital in Palm Springs at the age of 77. Her doctor, Bart Apfelbaum, attributed her death to the 1982 car accident and stated that Gaynor "...never recovered" from her injuries.

Gaynor is buried at Hollywood Forever Cemetery next to her second husband, Adrian. Her headstone reads "Janet Gaynor Gregory", her legal name after her marriage to her third husband, producer and director Paul Gregory.

For her contribution to the motion picture industry, Janet Gaynor has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 6284 Hollywood Blvd.

On March 1, 1978, Howard W. Koch, then the president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, presented Gaynor with a citation for her "truly immeasurable contribution to the art of motion pictures".

In 1979, Gaynor was awarded the Order of the Southern Cross for her cultural contributions to Brazil.

#janet gaynor #silent era #silent movie stars #silent hollywood #golden age of hollywood #classic movie stars #classic hollywood #1920s hollywood #1930s hollywood

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timeless-hollywood-classics · 4 years

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Janet Gaynor (born Laura Augusta Gainor; October 6, 1906 – September 14, 1984) was an American film, stage and television actress and painter.

For her contribution to the motion picture industry, Janet Gaynor has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 6284 Hollywood Blvd.

In 1979, Gaynor was awarded the Order of the Southern Cross for her cultural contributions to Brazil.

#janet gaynor #golden age of hollywood #classic hollywood #classic movie stars #old hollywood #classic cinema #classic movies #silent era #silent stars #silent cinema #silent hollywood #1920s hollywood #1930s hollywood

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blueyesandleatherjacket · 4 years

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A Taste Of Christmas, 1/6

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 1/6.

Pairings: Metacrisis Nine x Rose.

A/N: Sequel for The Summertime Of Our Lives. Written for doctorroseprompts' fall fic bingo and ficmas challenge. Fall fic bingo: Mist, Jumper, Spice, Gold, Paint and Cider. Ficmas challenge: Workshop (D1), Tinsel (D2), Cider (D3), Tree (D4), Ugly Sweater (D8). Tagging @thebookster on her demand.

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.” - Carol Nelson.

CHAPTER 1:

Rose was an artist. The Doctor had always known it. One day, she had forgotten her sketchbook on the pilot seat and he had flipped through it while she was asleep in her room, somewhere in the TARDIS. There were several drawings inside, drawings of him, drawings of her, drawings of them. She had spent a lot of time studying him, studying his faces, studying his bodies and his every gesture and she had drawn it all in her sketchbook. He had kept a page, had taped it on the wall of his bedroom in the TARDIS. The other hm was probably looking at it every time he was getting in his room. Or had he forgotten about her? Was he refusing to even think about her now that they were forever separated? That was what he would have done. Rose Tyler had brought him back to life when he only aspired to die and fate – with the faces of Daleks and Cybermen and new Doctor – had ripped her away from him. And it had reunited them in the most unexpected way years later. Their story was art too. He was a broken person. He was broken in so many pieces that sticking them back together to recreate the man he had once been before the war was impossible. Yet, the brave and compassionate Rose Tyler had taken the pieces she could find and had assembled them together. Instead of trying to reproduce something she had never known, she created a new version of him and added colours to his dull dark world. She was done just in time for him to regenerate into this pretty boy who forgot how to take care of her or how to cherish her. This time, she had been the one who was shattered beyond repairs and no one was there to help her. Her family had let her down slowly. They had thought that as a responsible adult, she could handle the situation and she had thought so too. Working on finding him – the other version of him – had kept her busy but the many failures had weakened the already fragile shell she had built around herself. She hadn’t given up on art as he found out after his arrival in this universe. Her flat had a couple of frames on the wall from artists that never made it in in their original universe and there was one of hers. An original production called “Night sky from Barcelona”. He had never taken her there with this face. The pretty boy did. Yet, it wasn’t him standing next to her under the starry sky. It was him with his leather jacket and short-cropped hair. It was his back and it was his hand holding hers. All this time she had been wanting him back. The broken, brooding soldier. It had taken him some time to accept this truth but the events of last summer had convinced him of it. It had been a long path. Now they were as happy as they could be. Which wasn’t an easy task when you had Jackie Tyler as stepmother. When she had found out about their matching tattoos and the meaning behind, she had completely lost her mind. He had never been so insulted and slapped in all his life. They had settled down in Broadchurch. After the end of the summer, they had gone back to London and the Doctor had soon dived back into his old quirks: pacing around the house, refusing to eat, depressing, stressing and having troubles to sleep. The town was having a terrible effect on him because of everything that had happened there in their original universe and for Rose, it was obvious that they couldn’t live in London anymore. It hadn’t been long to find a house thanks to their new friends – mostly Ellie Miller – help. Before the end of October, they were settled down in their new and cosy place in the heights of Broadchurch with a nice viewpoint on the cliffs and the sea. That had been an important point for the Doctor: having a viewpoint on the infinity of the world. This was reassuring him. The world was bigger on the outside. During all November, Rose had watched him as he sat in front of the large patio door and observed the waves crashing on the shore. As it was getting deeper into the autumn season, it would get darker earlier and mist would cover the land plunging the land in the creepy atmosphere of horror movies. Rose never got the right to go out when it was dark and misty. At least, she couldn’t go alone. He was insisting on going with her. She had proven her bravery and her fearless attitude by traveling by his side, by working with Torchwood to get back to him but he was firm in his decision to accompany her out whenever the mist was spreading. She had missed this overprotective side of his when he changed and even as a former kid from the Estates who had grown in a strong and independent woman, she liked this particularity of his. She had stopped working for Torchwood shortly after their summer vacations. The Doctor still didn’t what was the reason behind such a mystery around the agency. He wanted to nose around, to find out what was so wrong with them and he actually was doing it behind Rose’s back. The only fact that they had led experiences on her convinced him that they were doing wrong and had to be stopped. Obviously, this wasn’t without danger and it was harder to operate without access, without a TARDIS, without a trustworthy companion. Rose would lecture him if she was told what he was doing and he knew no one else that could travel and work with the way he used to be working with her. He doubted he would have taken any other companion on board if Rose had still been around. She was the best. As were Jack, Martha and Donna. But Rose was Rose. His Rose had given up on her job for him. She was unemployed because of him. Broadchurch was a small town and it was hard to find a proper job. She tried the police, the Broadchurch Echo, the schools – Torchwood had had the advantage to have trained and given her the proper diplomas – and every little job she could find in the classified ads but she never got anything. He had suggested her to try and make a living of her art. From them on, he had sort of lost her. Together, they had sacrificed a large room of their house and turned it into a workshop where she could unleash her creativity. It was already filled with loads of artistic materials he didn’t even know they had. Now, she was spending all her time in this room while he got lost in his thoughts in front of the patio door. Not a normal relationship, but they were far from normal. Today, he wasn’t in the living room. He was in the kitchen. Rose hadn’t checked on him in a while, and neither had he gone to check on her. He was concocting spiced cider from a recipe he had found in a local magazine. From the tiny drops he had licked on his fingers, it didn’t taste bad. It even sounded really good. Why had he never tested the whole cooking world before? Domestics. He was refusing the domestics he was now doing. Also, he had had other preoccupations in mind back then. But the pretty boy’s eccentricity and Donna’s seek for a family were running in his veins now. Admitting his feelings for Rose was an opening on this life and he honestly didn’t regret it. He was living the life he thought he would never have with the woman he thought would never love him and he couldn’t happier than that. The Doctor added the final touch to his drink and poured some in two glasses he took to Rose’s workshop. He knocked on the door. Got no answer. Rose surely was working with her Pods on. In this world, there weren’t such things as headphones. They were selling small round devices you were placing behind your ears. They were analysing your musical tastes from the information given by your brain and creating a whole playlist according to them, to your mood, to your current activity. It was totally obliterating the world around you and you could hear the music straight in your head. Great technology, but it also was increasing the percentage of unsolved crimes. With people being deaf to their surroundings, it was easier to rob, destroy and kill without being heard. It was also easier to get hit by a vehicle in the streets. Thankfully, Rose was using them when she was in her workshop and only when he was home. Opening the door confirmed what he thought: Rose had her back on him and soft green dot was blinking behind her ears. The room was a real mess. There was a tarpaulin covered with paint stains of all colours on the ground; on the wall on his left, there were empty and unused frames, blank and used canvas of all sizes. On the wall facing the door, there was a long table – actually the table was composed of planks on trestles – that was weighting down under the numerous and various art supplies. Boxes with their contents written in large black letters were stacked under the makeshift table. The third wall of the room was taken by easels and other boxes. Rose wasn’t only painting. She was doing all sorts of art including manual works. This explained the different materials lying around the floor, the glue gun in her hand, the brush and pen stuck on her ears. She had an old apron tied around her waist. An apron that had definitely seen better days and many artworks. He put the glass of warm spiced cider on the free and safe area of the table. Rose hadn’t seen or heard him coming. The sudden move beside her and the hand appearing next to her caused her to start and she was gonna attack when she realised it was him. She slapped his shoulder and switched off her Pods. He just smiled at her messy bun, at the paint on her face, at the unfinished work before her. “You scared the shit out of me, you idiot!” “Oi! I have nothing of an idiot!” “My clever idiot.” “Take that back.” “My handsome clever idiot.” “This won’t work.” The Doctor was playing offended but Rose’s messy look and the golden flakes spread all over her hair, cheeks and hands were quite funny. It reminded him of the golden light surrounding her, burning in her eyes, when she came back for him that day. A terrible, terrible day. His fingers brushed over her face, wiping away the flakes stuck on her cheek. He was always having nightmares of that day. He remembered all too ell the molten lava when he absorbed the Vortex that he was killing her, the cells of his body dying one after another, slipping into another skin and losing everything and everyone he loved, watching through new eyes what he could have lived, watch his new self screw up everything with Rose, the rage and pain of losing her and moving on, the joy and fear to be born again, the rejection and terror of a new limited human life, the doubts eating him out and the dread of losing Rose or himself one day. Her hands found his face. She cupped his cheeks, spreading flakes on his skin, rubbed her nose against his softly. She had sensed his change of mood. She had seen it in his eyes. His memories had come to bother him when they were playfully arguing. She didn’t know the cause of this sudden mood swing, and she didn’t care at the moment. She just wanted him back. “The golden flakes suit you well,” she joked. She rubbed her hands on his face and ran her fingers through his hair to share her flakes with him. Of course this wasn’t gonna please him. He was no man to go around with golden flakes everywhere. He had a bit of an ego and was quite a macho man. He did nothing that could make people question his masculinity. Even if the concept of masculinity and femininity were slightly different in this universe. After over 900 years of living by the same rules and concepts, it was hard to let go of them. “You know what would be great?” She let go of him and rummaged through the many boxes stacked under the table. A couple of them had the mention ‘Christmas’ on it and that’s naturally where she found what she was looking for. She pulled out a blue tinsel and wrapped it around his head like a crown. “Oh, what about a jumper too?” “Blue to go with my eyes?” “If you want. As long as it’s one of those ugly Christmas sweaters.” “No way. Don’t wanna be ridiculous, me.” “Though you feel ridiculous already.” “Maybe.” “How do you feel with that tinsel on your head?” “Like your human Christmas tree. And according to this beautiful wooden Advent calendar, I suppose you miss the holiday.” “This is stupid.” Rose humphed and hit the table with her fist. She caught the glass of cider before it spilled on her work. That was the first time she noticed it. The Doctor had one in his hands too. She took a sip. Took another. Licked her lips. That tasted amazing. She had been too young and too busy to have some in her original universe and this one had a very different way to celebrate the cold season…

To be continued...

×××

English version:

AO3 || TS.

#doctor who #doctorroseprompts #ninth doctor #metacrisis ninth doctor #rose tyler #doctor x rose #prompt fulfilment #31 days of ficmas #fall fic bingo #a taste of christmas

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whichstiel · 5 years

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I had the opportunity to grab a pinch hit for this year’s round of the Dean/Cas Tropefest. @scones-and-texting-and-murder‘s story is a wonderfully sweet love story set in a small Iowa town. There’s a goat, Cop Cas, delicious pie, caring Dean...and...you’re gonna love it. Read In this Handmade Heaven on AO3, or read the teen-rated version of the story .

Summary:

Dean knows Bobby’s given him an opportunity by asking him to fix up this house, but being sent to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere feels a lot more like being banished. One store, one bar, hell, the entire place only has one cop. Dean’s plan is to go, get the house in order, and be back to his real life in Sioux Falls in time for Sam’s visit home at Christmas.

Everyone in Linden seems to know his business before he even arrives, and no matter how he tries to keep to himself, he and that cop, one Officer Cas Novak, keep crossing paths. Despite his initial intentions, Dean finds himself embracing the small town, the people there, and even the neighborhood goat. As he and Cas grow closer, Dean realizes that being stuck in the middle of Iowa feels a lot like coming home.

Huge thanks to the Tropefest mods, Jojo and Muse, for running this challenge. It’s been such a pleasure to make art for these stories!

You can read more about the process below.

Since this was a pinch hit, I knew I needed to go for a minimalist style that I could pull off in a short amount of time. I really loved Dean fixing up the house and it made me think about making art that was very rooted in a physical space. Fun fact: this story might as well be set in MY house! (Goats not included.)

Materials:

Cardstock and foil paper

Glue

Bicycle tail light, desk lamps, and the sun for lighting

An old shed

The stairs in my house

A toboggan

The core of the story for me was the way Dean was rebuilding himself. The wood-plank heart with Cas helping to assemble it seemed like an obvious choice for the cover, and Georgina (the goat) HAD to be in there, too. You’ll understand when you read the story.

My original concept for the cover art was that I would have Dean and Cas balanced on a level. I took a background shot against my workbench at home but it was a little too busy for my taste. And while I hadn’t bothered to light the works, the stark white background of the workbench wasn’t doing anything for me. I entertained the idea of a fabric or otherwise plain backdrop, but the pieces themselves were so small, that seemed like a super boring approach.

This weekend we finally had a lovely, sunny, not-too-breezy day so I took the figures, some painting tape, and my camera outside. I scouted locations in my backyard. What would be lit by the sun, not too plain, and not too busy? It’s starting to green up here, but the story isn’t set in the spring, so I also needed a season-neutral backdrop.

Cue the shed.

This old shed in my backyard STILL hadn’t been re-painted to resemble a TARDIS and lucky me, because it seemed perfect for the cover image - a little damaged, a little sunny. I slapped some tape on the heart and the backside of Georgina’s stand, then balanced Dean and Cas on the door’s cross-bar. With the exception of the wind knocking them over at the WORST times, this worked well!

Here are some progress shots of assembling Dean. I use this translucent paper to guide my cuts as well as to orient the pattern pieces when glueing them together. The “rips” in his pants are little scratches made in the paper with my cutting blade.

I usually work late at night so...this happens.

The second piece is what I just ended up calling “the scary house.” Dean and Castiel are depicted here, practically Hardy Boys style, creeping up on a spooky house. The potential horrors depicted: a wild bear, Bigfoot, and Mothman. (That’s why you gotta keep mothballs on hand in the boonies!)

I’d planned on putting glowing eyes in the house window but alas, it just looked like random electronics hanging out on the other side of a piece of paper. I scouted a couple locations for this one, but the stairway was a last minute inspiration. One day I’ll evolve past lighting “spooky” scenes with a bicycle taillight, but today is not that day!

I used an app called MagicPoser (thanks for the suggestion, Aceriee!) to figure out some general poses since I didn’t have a lot of time to sketch. That saved me a LOT of time.

The final piece is a kissing scene. Now, ordinarily I avoid illustrating kissing because it involves faces and faces are very hard for me to do. But this scene was so cute, I had to go for it!

Sticking with the 3D concept, I made a little 2D tree by cutting out two identical trees from cardstock and slotting them together. Dean and Cas are freeform, no stand required since they can lean against the tree. They are LITERALLY only attached by the lips (their faces are glued to each other). You’re welcome, Dean and Cas.

I made two goats for this story, because they needed to be facing in opposite directions for the cover and what I’d intended for the kissing scene.

(Left: Creeper goat; Right: I like to make a little pile of all the paper I’ll need and then label my template/sketch like it’s a paint by number. Did I mention I usually only make art late at night?)

I’d planned to take this photo with Dean, Cas, and the tree in the scoop of a shovel and Georgina further up the handle. However, a test shot quickly showed me that this wouldn’t showcase anything terribly well. I scrapped that backdrop plan. Then, when I was rooting around outside for possible “set” locations, I noticed our old wood toboggan. The scene was set in a snowstorm… I dragged that down, put my trusty white curtain in as a backdrop to cover up the jumble of bikes and equipment stored in my garage, and took the photos. At one point, a bicycle I’d draped the curtain on fell over. “Georgina, noooooooo,” I cried as Georgina disappeared underneath the curtain and bicycle. She was okay, though! No goats were harmed in the making of this art. I ended up not using the first Georgina I made, because she seemed too much like a creeper goat when she was directly facing the smooching Dean and Cas. Bonus goat!!

I had a lot of fun making these pieces! It was great to work with Violethaze on this project. You are gonna love her story. Read In this Handmade Heaven on AO3, or read the teen-rated version of the story .

Thanks for reading! I love feedback. You might say I need it to survive? Tell me what you think on Tumblr or on my AO3 art post.

#dean cas tropefest #my art #goats #destiel #deancas

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snow-slayer · 4 years

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A Bunch of Good Things from 2019

*I don’t do things consistently, so there’s chunks of time I just forgot to write. So the blank spaces are days where I could not recall the exact good things that happened.*

January 1: Started the year off right by hanging out with @nah-young, eating some delicious leftovers from New Year’s Eve and working on a puzzle. Also caught a shiny Delibird in Pokemon Go as the first catch of the year. 2: Had a headache at work, but went home to take care of myself. Dad and I talked for a long time about money and taxes without arguing. I have also discovered a future hobby I want to get into: 3D printing. 3: I cranked out four solid hours of studying. I’m going to ace the Auditing section of the CPA exam. I feel it in my bones (especially when I finally stood up and stretched). 4: My ‘other mom’ (one of my best friend’s mom) took me out for a belated Birthday lunch to our favorite Thai food place, and I enjoyed more mango sticky rice. It’s one of my new favorite desserts. 5: Did some epic New Year cleaning. Caught up on laundry, filed away my 2018 paperwork, and did some 2019 taxes. Finally on top of things! 6: A puzzle day! I connected a big piece of the sky to the side on the Lion King puzzle. I’ve still got a lot to go, but progress is being made. 7: As usual, I both surprised and pleased the teller at the bank when I moved some money from savings into my IRA. They wanted to know if it was for tax year 2018, but I could tell them last year was maxed out and it was for 2019. 8: Got to practice my training and supervising skills with @arrowhearts. 9: Spent the night at Lucy’s (she’s a cat). She’s the sweetest cat though, and was cuddling in my lap for so long! She even held my finger with her paw for like ten minutes. I love her. 10: It’s been forever, but I finally sat down and played some video games. I’m replaying Arkham Asylum again and really just exploring every nook and cranny I can find. 11: Might have started a new Francis story line ... Whoops :) 12: Helped Jane clear an apartment and acquired many new tools and art supplies to use. 13: Snow! It was snowing before bed, but I still woke up at 5 am to about 4 - 5 inches. Activated my dad gene and started shoveling at 5:30 am (sorry neighbors to the house I was dog sitting at). It’s so pretty out! 14: A quiet day, but I did some work for Jane and gamed some more. Can’t wait to start Arkham City when I get 100% on Arkham Asylum! 15: I took my coworker a basket of fun snacks from Lotte for her Birthday. She’s so excited to try them all! 16: Donated blood today and when I went to get dinner on the way home, I got a free salad! The entree was already free and I ordered a side salad. I pulled out my wallet to pay, but the coupon covered it, too! 17: Treated myself to breakfast on the way into preschool (my new volunteer place since the teacher I followed to several elementary schools is now at). Also ate some amazing home cooked food for lunch with @nah-young before going out for ice cream. 18: Did some very early spring cleaning to prep for my next yard sale and straighten up a bit. 19: Beat the storyline and finished gathering all of Riddler’s trophies in Arkham Asylum. I do still need to finish up the additional content for 100% completion. 20: Working with Jane to help clean out an apartment again and got stencils to use for my art (the ones with shapes of different sizes). I had wanted to get me a set, so I really lucked out. 21: Started reading a book for fun. Lol, I forgot that I can still read non-accounting things for fun. 22: Sent out 1099s at work. It’s always a dreaded part of the year, but it’s taken care of! 23: I started uploading my old Franmouche stories to AO3. I forgot that I’d written 185 pages of them. At least if someone else likes my rarepair, they have lots to read. No guarantees on the quality, but there is quantity. 24: Made fun penguin cutouts for the preschool class I volunteer at. Then studied for nine hours on campus. A busy, yet productive day. 25: Finished watching all my lectures for the next portion of the CPA exam! So much auditing knowledge!!! 26: Panic alleviated. My check engine light had been on for a few days. Usually it’s just a gas cap issue so I was worried, but after readjusting the cap again (which usually fixes it) and an oil change, the light went out! 27: Played some Pokemon Go for four hours with @arrowhearts and Lyla. No Kyogre, but at least we each got a Groudon. Plus, the weather was beautiful for this time of year. 28: I found a dollar today while sweeping the parking lots with my dad! I’m gonna be riding this wave for a week. (Fun fact: my dad and I used to go bike riding on Sunday afternoons/evenings in the local parking garages and look for pennies. We’d always get bragging rights when we found a quarter or more. We still get excited and tell each other of the day’s finds when we find a few coins while we’re sweeping). 29: Had a bit of a headache, but managed to get through it so I could finish the workday. Then I get some well deserved rest. 30: Met up with @nah-young for some fries and ice cream! 31: My annual physical went well! Took care of a couple test we’ve been putting off, too, and they weren’t quite as bad as I thought they’d be.

February

1: I had such a productive day in the office, even for a Friday. Special thanks to @arrowhearts for helping me move all (24 years worth) of our files. 2: Started off the day a little rough and feeling low, but I decided to go up to campus, and I’m so glad I did. I was able to help a bunch of people get to their destination. Also hung out with @nah-young and @arrowhearts in a sketchy room. 3: Technically today (starting at 1 am). Had a great talk with @nah-young about a lot of things including our friendship. Successfully avoided the Super Bowl (which I heard sucked, so that was a good use of my time). 4: Had a really good conversation with my dad for almost an hour. We had some fights earlier in the year, but it was nice to be able to connect some. 5: It’ll be silly to look back on, but I thought I lost a reference letter for a scholarship applicant, but realized I could find it on our shared drive. Such a relief! 6: I tried Duck Donuts for the first time today. One of our board members brought me and a coworker a half dozen each. 7: Caught a Miltank in Pokemon Go! I thought I missed my chance, but there was a special running, so I got it. 8: Just heard we got a new boss at work, so it’ll be nice to be full staffed again. 9: Started working on a painting for @arrowhearts. It might be my first completed artwork of the year. 10: A lazy day, but I flipped through a book on home decorating. You know, to plan for my future house. 11: Officially started working for Jane’s business. We’ll see how it goes, but at least it’s an extra couple of hours per week. 12: Finished a dog sitting job, and I’m super thankful to be sleeping in my own bed again. 13: I gave Lucy, the sweetest cat ever, a piggyback ride and it was the cutest thing ever. I was on my knees and forearms trying to get Lucy to boop my nose when she just climbed on my back and sat down. I rose up on my knees and hands and she did the “i’m not so sure but I’m going to stay here” stand and let me crawl across the floor a while before finally jumping off. I love this cat. 14: Took the auditing section of the CPA exam. I feel much better about this one than I have about the other two. We’ll see on the 26th. 15: Such a busy day at the office! It was productive, but just a lot of work. 16: Even though I just too the other exam, I managed to get a lot of studying done. 17: Mamaw and I got to chat and work on the puzzle for a while. It was nice to hang out with her since I haven’t done son in quite a while. 18: We had some really good food at our investment club meeting today. Sheppard’s pie (like meat and mashed potatoes), salad, this great cracker dip (I have no other details other than feels like sharp cheddar finally shredded with a hint of spice in some sort of sauce). 19: Our new executive director started today. I think I made a pretty good first impression! 20: Started playing Arkham City again. We had a snow day and even my office closed, so I made the most of my day. 21: Lol and today I finished the main storyline of Arkham City. Accidentally, because I was doing side quests, but Batman got mad when I tried to go finish some before the last mission. 24: I am obsessed with Excel, but I figured out a formula so that it would total certain categories even if they weren’t in order. Plus I learned how to make a drop down menu (on two versions of Excel). Guess who’s budget looks beautiful! 25: I caught a Latias in Pokemon Go. Not having much luck with the water legendaries. I wonder if they don’t like me because we picked the grass starter. 26: I passed the Auditing section! (and instead of keeping it quiet, I made a point to tell some people). Then @nah-young and I went to dinner to celebrate our successes of the day and just have a nice chat. 27: Good news: I starved off a migraine that was starting on Feb 26. Maybe this new method will help them from getting bad. Just took an Aleve with some hot tea. 28: Went on a Pokemon run, and I found $20 blowing across the yard when I got home! A nice find for the year.

March 1: I’ve been really getting into “Ghost Story” by Peter Straub and had so much time to just sit and read while it rained. 2: I watched “Spiderman: Enter the Spiderverse” today. An epic movie and I highly recommend it! I also have several new costume ideas... 3: Officially started working on my Library Comic Con cosplay. There’s not much to show, but it was nice to start costuming again. 4: Hiked up to the nearby bubble tea. It was good! I got a mango green tea creama. Next time I know I have to mix it up before I start drinking it. 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: Started replaying Castlevania IV. It’s been a while since I beat it, so hopefully I can still finish it! 11: I have proven myself an Excel deity. Well, at least Jane thinks though. She needed a spreadsheet for something and had some ideas so I whipped it out in five minutes flat with a bunch of formulas she didn’t even know were possible. I’m quite proud of it. 12: Lol, speaking of excel, I was geeking out over my budget with one of our board members. She was showing me how she built her itinerary in excel for her next trip and I got to show off my budget. 13: 14: 15: It was fake St. Patrick’s day at work, so I got to show off my green Riddler suit. Apart from being mistaken as dressing like a leprechaun a few times, I received a bunch of compliments on it. I’ve gotten a lot of use out of that suit jacket. 16: Tagged along with @nah-young to her grandfather’s birthday party and watched Bohemian Rhapsody. Apart from the timeline inaccuracies, I really enjoyed it! Look at that: two new movies in one month. 17: First big leaf job of the season. I guess the first major landscaping job. Dad helped out, so it made life easier. 18: Investment club meeting went well, and I ended up staying late to chat and help clean up, but it was enjoyable. Also had some great tiramisu from Trader Joe’s. 19: 20: 21: It was a downpour today, but I also made a 20 minute Costco run. Parking was great, the lines were short, and I managed to balance everything without a cart. Success! 22: Finally got around to doing invoices. It’s such a weight off my chest to take care of them. 23: I had the house to myself, so got ample studying done, played some pokemon, and treated myself to some bubble tea. Got myself a bunch of good pokes from Community day. 24: Another lovely day to sit and hang out with @nah-young. I always enjoy our hour long conversations just sitting in my car in her driveway. I also finished the lectures for the BEC portion of the CPA exam. 25: I found a gift card loaded with $30 today. It had been thrown into the dumpster, so a little gross, but it washed off nicely. 26: Ran up to the local library to turn in my books (look @arrowhearts, I did it the day before they were due and didn’t have to make a midnight run). I wasn’t going to check out more books since I already had some checked out from another library visit (I go to many branches due to my job and often check out a book or two, resulting in cycles of books due at different times), but I did anyway. I started reading Area X, too, and so far, I’m really enjoying it. 27: Our family’s accountants think I’m a bit weird because I was so excited to get my tax papers back even though I owed money. I was just like “cool!” to all the facts and things on my sheets, which is apparently not what they’re used to, but one of the new tax laws works in my favor as small business income is taxed at a lower rate or something. 28: 29: 30: I love Annihilation in the Area X series! I haven’t plowed through a book that fast in years. 31: I was catching up on my business spreadsheets and it turns out I had the most profitable March since I started my business :)

April 1: No April Fools jokes, which is always a huge plus. 2: 3: 4: Took the BEC section of the exam and then clocked in a bunch of hours for the Foundation. Jubilee is almost here!!! 5: 6: The Jubilee is over!!! What a relief! A lot of things went well, and I heard it was a lot of people’s favorite. Not sure what actually happened because I was stationed at check in/out all night, but hopefully the silent auction results are good. Huge shout out to @arrowhearts and @nah-young for getting me through the night! 7:A quiet morning of returning the Jubilee to the Foundation. Plus some other landscaping. 8: I know everyone at work is saying I should take time off, and I didn’t, but I’m actually feeling blessed that I have the physical and mental stamina to keep working on things. Plus, I need to catch up with post Jubilee stuff. 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: Got to talking with my art dealer for a long while and we exchanged headcannons and ideas. 20: Had a nice Pokemon run with @arrowhearts‘ dog. Plus, enough work to keep me out of trouble X) 21: A very busy Easter. I moved a huge mound of mulch. It was half the size of my car. Hopefully the home owner will like it. 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31: I’ve been feeling behind, but I finally knocked out a really important thing at work today. Got our annual applications in!

May 1: 2: 3: My gauntlets for my comic con costume look so cool! They’re a little stabby (there’s staples on the inside, although I should be able to tape it down for safety), but overall look cool for a first draft. 4: A long day, but I feel like I was really able to help my friend and her family, which is nice considering how much they do for me. 5: The event that happened wasn’t good, but I’ve been humbled as to how well our house was kept and motivated to try and become more organized. 6: Dad and I were chatting today, and we could even touch on topics in a civil manner. It was quite nice! 7: Just found out I passed the BEC section of the CPA exam! I’m 75% CPA!!! And no cavities were found after my dentist appointment :) 8: Frantically working on my costume, but my head piece looks really good! 9: Mom even chipped in to help. We rigged up a steampunk mask I have (which doesn’t fit on my head right) so that I can actually wear it. 10: I’ve been fasting for Ramadan and I think my body and I are finally on the same page. It was a rough start this year, but I’m looking forward to focusing on being thankful for what I have and working on self discipline. 11: Library Comic Con! My costume is a bit rough, so no final pictures, but I have plans to make it better! 12: It was a busy Sunday. Lots of lawns, but thankfully the weather was cool. 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: Had a nice meeting with my boss. I keep feeling like I’m not on top of things or she’s disappointed, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Plus, she said I did great at the finance committee meeting, so that was nice. 18: Although I scared everyone I worked with all day, I was able to donate blood even though I had been fasting. 19: I saw the tiniest inch worm while I was pulling weeds today. It was more like a quarter inch worm and it was just trying so hard to climb up my arm when I found it. I also saw the first lightening bugs of the year. As a bug type Pokemon trainer, I’m quite pleased with all of this (less so with the mosquitoes though, as I got my first bite of the season). 20: I have found a nice way to keep cool at the property Dad and I work at. I’m allowed to douse my head, neck, and hat with the hose, and man does it feel good! 21: I received many compliments at the executive committee meeting for all my hard work on the budget, the Jubilee, and finance committee. 22: Caught up on reconciliations at work (finally). It’s been just a nightmare, but I’m happy they’re done. 23: Another me day. I’ve been taking Thursdays off and got to game for a bit but also accomplish a lot of laundry and studying. 24: Had a good meeting at work to discuss the future of the nonprofit I work at. Plus I finally made a phone call I didn’t want to make. 25: Went to a foam helmet making class with a coworker. I’m super excited to start trying out this style, and I think the sample we made in class can easily be used to make a helmet for Vile. Might have purchased a few things to go with it :) 26: Found a new drink that I love from Kung Fu Tea! Also got to rewatch Coco, which is always good. 27: Part of my afternoon spent working with Jane was changing her screen saver. It was set up for one photo of pictures, but some were so fuzzy, so we set up new pictures and I got to add my fuzzball to the reel. 28: I visited one of Jane’s friends to discuss dog sitting and we had such a nice conversation afterwards. 29: I found a four leave clover today while mowing lawns. It’s been years since I’ve found one, so that was exciting. 30: I plowed through about 6 hours of studying for the FAR portion of the CPA exam. Only two more lectures and then onto multiple choice! 31: Filled out a form at work (finally). Now I just have to hope my boss will sign it and have it notarized.

June 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: Took the (hopefully) last CPA exam. It was nice as I spoke to an elevator engineer before the exam and it helped to calm my nerves a bit. 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: Wasn’t sure what day to put this on, but @nah-young and I hung out for hours just sitting and chatting on the cats’ back porch. 15: Successfully navigated into DC with the help of @arrowhearts (and had an interesting laugh about her being my son...? Oh well, at least we got to give the people sitting outside a show as we left the building with two rollie office chairs each). 16: Started working on my Halloween costume. I’ve abandoned the idea I originally had and will be switching to a different Mega Man X character (fun fact: it was a costume I originally intended to make before being introduced to Scaramouche back in 2017) 17: It was a scorcher, but had a slurpee for the first time in almost a year. I’m so thankful for the 7-11 within walking distance of where my dad and I work on Mondays. 18: I’ve officially passed the CPA exam! Now onto the next steps... 19: I have been struggling with telling people good news, but I did make an effort to inform some people about me passing the exam. 20: Told some more people about the CPA exam and just trying not to stress. I got celebratory milkshakes for my family after dinner. 21: My coworkers are so sweet. They brought me in a cake and we had a mini celebration. 22: 23: 24: 25: 26:Found a praying mantis while mowing. She kept standing where I wanted to mow, so I got to pick her up and put her somewhere safe (with lots of snacks for her!) 27: 28: 29: So glad I went to see Detective Pikachu with @nah-young and @arrowhearts! I really enjoyed it! 30: 31:

July 1: A new fiscal year! I did manage to get a good bit done on my latch hook. 2: A sudden thunderstorm took me off the weed pulling job early (i.e. a perfect opportunity to read). 3: It was quiet in the office. Too quiet ... yet super productive! I processed so many gifts and letters. 4: I don’t really celebrate, and spent a lot of it working, but played some pokemon in the rain. It was a warm day, so the cool rain felt so refreshing! 5: A jammed packed day with trashrooms, a bank run, and more pokemon quests! I completed another 15 and hatched a new pokemon. Plus I finished another book: Dr. Death. 6: A busy day, but I was able to finish everything so I can take the next day off completely (for once). Again, apologies to @arrowhearts for dragging you out and getting caught in a downpour so I could get some bubble tea! 7: 8: 9: 10: Unboxed my unicycle! Not sure when I’ll ride, but it’s ready when I am. 11: 12: 13: 14: The vanity is back in my bathroom! Dad’s renovating it, and it’s been a slow process, but I finally have a sink! 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: Spent a few hours working on cleaning the basement, and I’m finally seeing some of the fruits of my labor. 21: 22: 23: 24: Officially finished the Vile helmet! 25: Just started a new dog sitting job, and the house is right on top of a pokestop. Guess I’m going to have a full item bag again! 26: Finally got myself a memory stick for my PSP. I’m replaying the Maverick Hunter X game ... because I can! 27: Got three team rocket grunts in one day at the one stop. 28: Plowed through the Vile portion of Maverick Hunter X. Lol, I probably make it harder on myself since I only use my favorites, regardless of if they’re good against the boss. 29: Had a huge crab and shrimp dinner at Jane’s house. 30: Hung out and ate delicious homemade butter chicken with my best friend’s mom (she’s basically like my other mother). We laughed and chatted, showed off our latest projects, probably kept the neighbors up, and just had a good time until like 2 in the morning. 31: Welp, it wasn’t a raid day for armored Mewtwo, but @arrowhearts and I did defeat more Team Rocket Go grunts in the rain.

August 1: Chatted with @nah-young for a few hours and I’ve got a new place to eat on my radar! 2: I kept feeling like I was letting my boss down because I couldn’t answer her questions/didn’t understand, but she insisted I was handling myself well, and found the information she needed later. Plus, she’s very complimentary of my work and appreciates my transparency and work ethic, both of which I work hard on and value. 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31:

September 1: 2: 3: It’s official! We’re having a Halloween party at work. If my new schedule turns out, I’ll be at work on that day and will show off a costume. Not sure if it will be the one I’m working on, but I can always recycle an old one. 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: I had such a good ripstik run. @nah-young and I practiced for a good while yesterday (and she did her first trick, too!). I guess it’s nice to see the fruits of our practice since we’ve been working off and on for about a month. 16: Had the investment club meeting at my house. I didn’t get to cook everything, but I picked the recipe and it turned out well! 17: I finished “Every Tool’s a Hammer” by Adam Savage (from Mythbusters) and I really recommend it. It’s such a great book for anyone who makes or creates. It’s a fun read and chocked full of helpful hints. 18: I decided to start reading the Naruto series. I’m enjoying it so far! Now I just have to wait for the next to volumes to be available from the library. 19: I started replaying Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase. It’s amusing, although I’m a little rough. 20: 21: 22: 23: I’d been on the fence about taking a vacation early next year because I want to save up for a down payment, but after talking to my dad, I decided I’d do a little something. I still need to work out the plans (and make sure the people I want to visit are free), but I’m looking forward to it! 24: 25: 26: There’s a chance I might be going full time at my office job, so dad encouraged me to take the day off from trash rooms. I still got up early, but knocked out a bunch of chores, finished Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase, finished a drawing, and cleaned in the basement a bit. 27: Lol, I just realized I have three cycles of books checked out again. I started reading The Wicked Years series. I’m trying to set aside time each night so I can read a chapter or two before bed. 28: I made the pattern for my gauntlets! I’m actually trying to do it the right way and making measurements, creating an accurate template, and just generally taking my time. 29: Part 2 of the gauntlets: They’re made! My template worked and I spent a couple of hours slowly forming and shaping them. I still need some practice on the gluing component, but at least they feel sturdy. 30: Started replaying DK 64 again. I really love this game. Besides Gauntlet Legends, it’s probably my favorite N64 game we own. 31: Got rained out at work, but managed to take it easy in the afternoon and just generally keep ahead with laundry.

October 1: Today officially marks the first day of working full time at my office job. They added ten hours a week, so now I’m working 4 days at 10 hours each. It’ll take a little adjusting. I’m happy for the extra hours! 2: I sent out invoices on time for once! 3: It was my fuzzball’s 16th Birthday today! Someone also brought in some really yummy snacks to work that were leftover from a meeting. I also managed to create templates for the leg gauntlets and cut them out of foam. I’m just rolling with the motivation now, and would like to have Vile finished by Halloween (keep reading to find out if it was finished). 4: Really just having a good time playing DK 64. Knocked out Gloomy Galleon, so all that’s left are my favorite levels! 5: 6: 7: I have leg gauntlets formed. Lol, I guess I should look up the name... All that’s left is the chest plate and cape! 8: I lucked out! My coworker can’t go to a book signing even this weekend and asked me to get her book signed since I’m going. It was the perfect opportunity to get my hands on a copy of “Where the Crawdads Sing” which I wanted to read before this weekend. 9: Making some headway on the costume again! Arm and leg gauntlets have the plating and base coat of plastidip. 10: I finished “Where the Crawdads Sing” within 48 hours of having it my possession. That’s such a huge accomplishment to read something so quickly and eagerly! 11: I was plowing through my to do list at work. I knocked out 11 items. Woo! 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: My Halloween costume is finished *gasp* before Halloween! Barely, but it counts. 31: I won the most creative costume at work! Well, tied for first, but that’s cool.

November (whoops, I really forgot to write this month) 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31:

December 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: My coworker is back! She had been on extended leave for a while, but now she’s back. She bring such a positive and fun attitude to the workplace. 13: 14: I’m officially 25! I worked a few hours in the rain, but got a lot done (and saw Lucy, my favorite cat I cat sit). Instead of going to a steakhouse for dinner, which I’m not a fan of, we ended up going to somewhere I did enjoy. Overall, it was a nice and quiet celebration. 15: 16: 17: I finished the Naruto series today! It was a good series, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Going to take a manga break to work on a few novels I have checked out and then decide which series to start. 18: 19: A busy day again. Knocked out two leaf clients for the year and went to see three bands perform at a local music club. I stayed out way too late, but had a great time hanging with a friend, one of the performers, and the performer’s friend. 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: Hung out with my brother and grandmother. I crushed them in several games! 25: Went to my coworkers in the afternoon and dueled for the first time in quiet a while. They wiped the floor with me, but I had fun with my deck destruction deck. 26: 27: Ended up hanging out with Jane for a while and just chatting about everything. We’re seeing eye to eye on a lot of things, so it was nice. 28: Finished my leaf jobs for the year! Time to relax. 29: 30: 31: Welp, ended up being sick and missing out on the intended New Year plans. I guess I did start the year with a migraine, so here I am ending it with one. After I rested up, I did start playing my favorite video game. Plus, I frantically read “Hey, Kiddo!” before the end of the year

Notable stuff

Highlights: Passed the CPA exam Officially hired full time

Books read: “Ghost Stories” “Every Tool’s a Hammer” “Where the Crawdads Sing” “Wicked” Naruto series “Hey, Kiddo!”

Movies watched: Spiderman: Enter the Spiderverse Mary Poppins 2 The Princess and the Frog Pokemon Lucario

#2019 in review #2019 #a year in review

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mysticsparklewings · 4 years

Photo

Covered in All the Colored Lights‪

Well, this looks wild and different coming from me, doesn't it? If you've been a Sparkler long enough, you may remember this character of mine from ages ago when I made This Is Where You Wanna Be, which featured her. Her name is Windith, and she's a performer who likes mixing old-time circus elements with more contemporary stuff. (She was originally just a circus performer but that felt too limiting for me, and I'm thinking it might be a little too passive for her personality. I don't have a set story for her, so her character will perpetually be in development ) This drawing was also me testing out some new paper and the new Skin Tone marker set from Ohuhu. Which I simply had to get because it meant more colors of their brush tip markers that I've tested out in the past. (Ohuhu Brush Marker Review and Sweet Ohuhu Snail) I'll cut to the chase for those that aren't interested in the longer version: I kinda hate this paper and it, unfortunately, was not the best choice for what was supposed to be a mostly-marker illustration. But I like the markers! The markers themselves are nice as always, and I like the addition of the new colors, but the one thing I have to point out is that Ohuhu is still lacking in good colors for super pale skin that doesn't have a strong pink or gray undertone. They're doing really good with peachy tones, mid-tone, warm browns, and the new colors add some really nice darker/cooler browns, though. In fact, the new marker colors are what primarily inspired me to bring Winidth back into the fold in the first place; some of the colors looked like they would work really well for her skin tone in particular, and I've avoided drawing her traditionally in the past because I wasn't sure I could capture it accurately with the supplies I had. And...that's really all I have to say about the markers, actually. As brush markers, virtually nothing has changed from the last two rounds of testing I did with the Ohuhus, and thus the only thing I can really comment on is the colors. I really appreciate having more to pick from, especially because some of the colors in the set really do stand apart from the rest of my alcohol marker collection, but a lot of the "light skin tone" options are either too orange/pink or too yellow or just generally too dark for a light/pale skin tone. So, my final commentary is the same as always: More colors, please! Now, as for that paper... I picked up a new sketchbook from my local Ross, which I've known for a while now as having a surprisingly good (maybe not the best, but surprisingly good) art supply section. This paper is by a brand called Craft Smith, which as far as I can tell seems to be very into making scrapbook/craft paper and doesn't appear to be actively selling/promoting sketchbooks currently. (At least not anywhere I could find online.) It also claims to be "Mixed Media Paper 120 lb (180 gsm)." I actually have some 120 lb mixed media paper that I use semi-frequently in the form of a sketchbook by Denik. And funnily enough, that's the same paper I used on my other two Ohuhu marker pieces. So we have both a baseline for comparison in terms of performance and in terms of feel. Now, I'm not an idiot. I did inspect the paper before I actually bought the sketchbook, and it's alarming how deceptive this paper is. It definitely has the right weight/thickness to it, even compared to the 120 lb. paper I already had once I got it home. The only truly notable differences are 1. This paper is a brighter white (the Denik paper is almost on the blue/purple side) and 2. This paper feels smoother. And the second point was actually one of the reasons I bought it, as I thought it was make for a really nice marker paper. (Smoother paper tends to be a better option for brush markers so you don't wear out the nibs as quickly) Oh boy, how wrong would I be! So, let me explain just by going through my process for the art, since that and discovering the atrocities of this paper go pretty hand-in-hand. Trying desperately to get used to my current tablet situation, I started by doing the lines for the illustration digitally, having been inspired for a pose/facial expression by some Ball Jointed Dolls over on Instagram. The lines didn't turn out perfectly, but they were good enough that I felt comfortable printing them out and re-inking them traditionally as I did for Fairy Enchanting, the artwork featured on my Commission Sheet. In that process, I would end up with a 1/2 of the drawing that didn't print correctly, the proper print out I used to do the inking, and also similarly to Fairy Enchanting, a first attempt at tracing my lines that was not turning out how I wanted that got scrapped. So, essentially, I had 1.5 test pages just for colors/color placement (as they were on regular printer paper), and 1 to see how this paper would actually handle my supplies. And while normally I'd be scolding myself for wasting paper and ink, in this case, it's actually a very good thing that happened. My second attempt at inking on this paper went a lot smoother (I think I just needed to loosen up the inking part of my brain), and I was actually pretty happy with how the lines turned out. So much so that once I discovered major problems with the paper, I actually scanned the inked version in to preserve it, just in case. And I even inked it a third time on to the Denik paper I mentioned earlier, extra-just in case so I could even do a side-by-side comparison of the two papers to show "this paper is crap, this other paper is not." (Fortunately, I don't think I'll be needing that third inking despite the tale I'm about to tell.) I started out by using the different test pages to make sure I had the right tones/colors I wanted for the skin. The swatches looked okay, so I went ahead and tried coloring the skin to test some blush and shading. Right away I noticed that 1. The ink feathers/bleeds across the page (outside of lines) way more than it should for a paper this thick, and 2. once the ink settles into the paper, it's kind of patchy/spotty. And 3. If you trying layering a light color over a darker color with alcohol markers, it makes the patchy/spotty-ness more apparent. Obviously, these things combined make layering and blending tricky without the end result looking strange and uncomfortable. Just in case there was something this paper didn't like about the Ohuhu markers, in particular (and also because I wasn't super happy with my color choices for Ohuhu for this particular hair color), I did try a test blend for the hair with some Copic markers. Nope, still feathering badly and doing the weird spotty thing. Still not layering very well without re-working the entire area. Briefly, I panicked. The whole idea for this paper was to be for markers, and I had largely intended for this illustration to be pretty markers-only. But this paper, quite apparently, hates markers. Okay, okay. I tried one more blending/coloring test, this time just seeing if I could do the skin and get it to look decent on this paper inside my lines, and while not super ideal, I did manage to get something I was mostly happy with. Likewise, my next step was to do that again on the final piece. At least then I'd have the most important part--the skin--for this piece done and then I could proceed with whatever seemed like the best option for the rest of it. So the skin actually turned out okay in the end because I was being exceptionally careful to work with the issues I'd already discovered. By nature, it's not the best (as in it would look better on better paper), but it works. I still had at least a small problem on my hands though. To be fair, even before I printed the lines off I was thinking I might try washi tape for her clothes/shawl/whatever, so the paper not liking markers really just re-enforced that idea. The problem was I still had the hair to do. I tried a couple more blending/coloring tests, trying desperately to make the markers work for that, but it just wasn't happening. The way I blend hair just requires too many layers for this paper. So my next solution was to try some tests with colored pencils. For smooth, flat color, this paper is actually pretty nice for colored pencils. For layering and blending, however, (just as I suspected before I even tried it) it's too smooth. Blending works pretty okay if you're just doing 1-2 layers, but anything beyond that is just slippery and unsatisfying, to say the least. That was my two main mediums thrown out the window. Now what do I do? Because I was largely at my wit's end, I got a little crazy and tried some tests using some Faber Castell gelatos to see what they would do. And I have to say, putting the gelatos to this paper does feel exceptionally good, as the smoothness of the paper suits the creamy texture of the gelatos. Although the gelatos don't blend out super well when you add water to them on this paper, so that limits what you can do with them by a fair amount. Not really knowing what else to do, I broke out some actual watercolors and tried those. Fortunately, while the paper does warp fairly easily (that's to be expected with any paper less than 140 lb.), the paint lays down and blends fairly smoothly and nicely. And so I finally had something to work with. There's a reason when I work with watercolors I usually don't go for a hard illustration like this, but I think I managed fairly well to get the paint to do what I wanted. I knew going in it wouldn't have the same look or dimension as my markers or pencils, so I made my peace with that ahead of time. The main thing I wanted was at least the suggestion of shading and relatively smooth coverage. There are some small areas where the paint just did what it wanted anyway, but it's little enough I don't think it ruins the whole thing. I'm sure I could've worked with the hair more to get arguably better results, but by this point, I was so relieved the paint was working that I decided not to push my luck. (I did end up having to digitally tweak it because it shows up as a little more blue on the scan than it actual is, but that's not really the paper's fault.) Since I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted to do with the face/makeup at this point, I moved on to dealing with the washi tape. Fortunately, this ended up working out fairly easily. I actually put the tape down on my inking-gone-wrong (as the areas where I needed to cut it turned out well enough it would work for this) and used an Exacto knife to carefully cut the top of tape away to make the neckline and keep the tape from covering up the little bit of hair that reaches down that far, the hair being the tricker part to cut. Even so, I had a less challenging time than I thought and I only minimally dented/cut into the very top layer of the paper underneath. (Which was why I wanted to cut the tape on not-the-final-piece in the first place; I knew indentions were going to be made from the knife no matter what I did, but it's hard to predict how bad it'll be until it's usually too late.) Once that was done, I could simply peel the pre-cut tape off of my test page and re-apply it to the final one. Naturally, the cut wasn't 100% accurate, but it was close enough that the little bit that wasn't quite right was easily disguised but going back over my lines again and filling any gaps. I went back to the face once that was taken care of, and I ended up relying on the heavy feathering this paper does to get Windith's eyes right. Originally when I drew her, I tried to give her "oil slick" eyes. As in, her eyes are black but have a rainbow sheen to them, like how if you ever see oil in a parking lot, it's black but has that really pretty rainbow shine to it. I never had to consider before how this might translate into a traditional drawing though since that drawing was done digitally and at a time where I thought digital art was going to be my primary medium going forward. (My oh my, how the tables have turned indeed...) After a couple of failed tests (failed due to personal preference and actually not the paper this time) I ended up going with a dark selection of alcohol markers in very teeny tiny dots to make a pseudo-rainbow. It's not a perfect translation of what her eyes are supposed to look like, but it's close enough to suit me. Then came the makeup. Originally, I was going to just make her lips a more natural color and largely call it done, but I didn't want them to blend in too much with her skin and even when I tried a less natural berry color I just couldn't get the blending right in such a small space on this paper. And I was also thinking it would be nice to give her eye shadow and bring the colors from her shawl-thing up into the face area a little bit. But I'd already discovered colored pencils weren't the way to go and I had a feeling I wasn't going to like how this paper handled pastels either, so I just skipped testing that altogether. After some thought, since I originally thought of Windith as a circus performer, I deiced to do some testing with gel pens (which I figured would handle just fine on this paper, given the nature of gel pens in general) and this simple kind of clown makeup. (I'm sure there's a more proper name for it out there somewhere but I haven't the foggiest idea what that said name is.) I ended up really liking that, especially with how the bright colors pop against her dark skin tone, and in that, I thought a bright color would work well for her lips, too. I tested my orange gel pen, but it was a little too bright and just a little too imprecise for my taste, so I opted for a little fluorescent orange watercolor instead. I know the makeup probably looks kind of silly to most, but I really like it and how it ties the colors together better. And besides, I think it says a lot of about Windith's character that she can wear makeup like that but still looks as confident and determined as she does here. But I wasn't done quite yet. I wanted to do something to fill the empty space in the background, but as I mentioned earlier I really was not keen on finding out how this paper would handle pastels after the struggles I'd already been through. And also I didn't really think any of my pastel colors would work all that well with the other colors going on here. It's not too much, but I ended up defaulting to some of my dollar-store stencils to add some florals and a little butterfly back there. I figured that would tie in nicely with the floral washi tape, add a bit of color, yet not totally overpower everything. I also ended up with some artsy white dots because I somehow got some random ink dots/smudges around a few edges and once I covered those up I added some more dots so it would look like an intentional part of the look. Unfortunately, said white dots did not show up on the scan. The final piece is definitely far from perfect and this paper is not good for a lot of things I was hoping it would be (I can report it seems to work pretty good for regular sketching, though, so it won't go to waste!). However, I still managed to get something pretty decent out of the equation, I think. Small victories? I may not be looking forward to making more finished pieces with this paper, but I am looking forward to playing with the Ohuhu Skin tone markers more, that's for sure. I've got a few sketches that I'm thinking about turned into a mini-series illustrating a few different skin tones with them, but I haven't decided 100% on that just yet. I do have a couple of other projects definitely coming down the pipeline though, so stayed tuned. P.S. The title is a reference to The Greatest Show, the opening them from "The Greatest Showman," the same song that largely inspired the first time I drew Windith. It's just kinda her thing now. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble | Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

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alexboehm55144 · 5 years

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Alex Final Wars 2: Dark Alex, Chapter 12 - A Well Deserved Break

Another chapter for you guys today! I've been thinking about getting more art done for this story, but I have it on good authority that my words paint the perfect picture! This chapter actually had me really nervous as I went over it, but hopefully, it's good! Let me know what you guys think, and let's get right into this slower paced chapter!

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North Korea had been defeated, their leadership killed, and their nuclear weapons captured. But the war was far from over. US troops had pushed far into the country, almost right to China's doorstep. But the Chinese had anticipated this and had heavily upgraded the defenses on their border with the country, constructing the most powerful fortifications in existence. It would be hell to push through, but when the time came US forces would break through those defenses. A staging area right at China's door was a major victory so early in the war, but the country was still fit to fight. Chinese ships and troops were all over the Pacific, and they could still strike almost anywhere.

However, right now, Heroes was taking a break after striking such a savage blow for China. The typhoon had landed near Mt Fuji, and Alex and JayJay were sitting in chairs out on the deck of the ship, watching the sunset over the mountain. The two ate Japanese cuisine and drank tea from a local shop as they watched the beautiful colors in the sky.

"I've always wanted to visit Japan," JayJay said between bites "such a beautiful country"

"Very advanced too." Alex responded, munching on a chopstick full of sushi rice "and not just technology wise, they have all sorts of cool little gizmos and tricks around the country"

"What do you mean?"

"Like a lot of Japanese toilets have a sink built into the top. So the water that you use to wash your hands can then be used to flush the toilet"

"Oh, that's environmentally friendly"

"It's those cool little tricks that I really enjoy" Alex sipped some tea "and as you can clearly see, the beauty of the country is astounding.

"Such a beautiful sunset, can you take a picture of me with it?"

The wolf handed Alex her phone and struck a pose a few feet away.

"Oh, it's prettier now" Alex joked, lining up the shot, prompting the wolf to chuckle and blush slightly as the captain took a couple of pictures.

"Hopefully these are good"

JayJay looked through the pictures before thanking her friend.

"I'm glad to finally get a break"

"Same, I couldn't handle endless combat"

"Here's to a job well done in Korea," Alex said, holding up his teacup, prompting JayJay to clink her own cup against his. "We eliminated a rogue state that has been a problem for decades, struck a decisive blow against the enemy, and freed so many people"

"I feel great, knowing that I had a hand in helping all those people"

"Based on reports, we're taking in and caring for a lot of North Korean citizens that have been imprisoned and mistreated"

"Alex, remember how I was depressed when the Chinese blew up that aircraft carrier in Guam? You were right, I just had to keep going. And now, I've been able to make an amazing difference in the world. I couldn't have done it without you"

"We'll be doing a lot more for people once we make a move on China. The country has done a lot of bad things, oppression of many certain groups, censoring large parts of media, the list goes on. It will be another major accomplishment to help those people as well"

"You know I'm ready to assist you anytime, anywhere"

"Also give yourself more credit, it's not just me doing all this work. Your holding your own on the battlefield, and your a great and talented individual to have on this team"

"Thank you, that means a lot," the wolf said, putting her hand on Alex's shoulder.

The captain gently squeezed her hand. "I'm glad to hear you feel better"

000

Nick, Judy, Jack, and Skye spent a lot of time together, watching movies, performing daily tasks, or just chatting. Today was different though, as Skye and Judy were in the shooting range keeping their skills sharp for the next combat situation. Nick and Jack were off doing something else, with Judy suspecting it would involve pawpsicles. Toothdee headed down to the range to test her skills and revived a warm greeting from the 2 mammals already there.

What made this shooting range advanced was its holographic targets, which removed the need for actual physical targets that would degrade over time. Also, it allowed for easy customization of training programs.

"So how do you guys know each other?" Toothdee asked, selecting a training program and checking her rifle.

"Well, Nick and Jack were friends as kits" Judy explained, shooting a target down range with her tranquilizer pistol "then later on the 4 of us started working together as part of an effort to establish a link between the ZPD & ZIA. That's how we all got acquainted."

"And since then we've been inseparable," Skye said, finishing her friend's sentence.

"I'm glad to have ZIA & ZPD operatives on this team, it promotes better connectivity," Toothdee said, engaging some targets downrange. "Is it just me or does Alex seem more distant lately?"

"What do you mean?" Judy asked.

"I can't put my finger on it, but he seems different with regards to our counterparts. Like something about them changed him. He's almost like... more aggressive, more ruthless. And between you guys and me, I'm worried about how we have evil versions of ourselves killing people out there"

"He seems fine to me, but I wouldn't know," Skye said "but it's possible that he's in a way upset that there's a dark version of him, after all, you just said you were worried about the same thing"

"Yeah, I am, but..." she trailed off, unable to put what she was thinking into words, leaving Skye and Judy wondering what was gonna come next. "...maybe I'm just overreacting. But I think it would be important to make sure we stay warriors for peace and justice and don't become the dark villains we hope to destroy."

The rabbit and fox nodded in agreement.

"Now then, how about a friendly competition?" Toothdee asked, pressing a few buttons on the console to link Judy's firing lane, Skye's lane, and her own. Point indicators appeared above the lanes of all 3 heroes, who raised their weapons as the timer counted down.

3... 2... 1...

000

Haida and Retsuko had left the typhoon and were visiting their home city of Tokyo. Kion and Jasiri had also come along, wanting to see the sights, and figuring there were no better guides than people who actually lived in the city.

The hyena and red panda had shown the couple all sorts of interesting areas around the city, such as a local art museum, and a scenic walk with cherry blossom trees. Kion described the walk as romantic, with the other mammals agreeing. As such, the 2 couples had spent almost half an hour making out, before they decided to leave after receiving some weird looks.

The group had also visited the Tokyo sky tree, which was a massive tower with a stunning view from the observation deck. Jasiri had spent a little too much money on the metal viewing scopes implanted in the deck. However she did manage to catch some good views of , and Retsuko had directed the hyena to view her apartment. She had even taken a look at the typhoon, spotting Alex and JayJay sitting outside on the ship's deck.

Tokyo was a city with less of a human presence than other locations. It wasn't out of the ordinary to see non-humans across the planet, but humans did greatly outnumber other sentient species on earth. Tokyo reminded Kion & Jasiri of their home city of Zootopia, one of many places where it was rare to see humans. It almost felt like a metropolis they knew & loved.

Now, as the day was ending and night was falling, the city's lights became alive, transforming Tokyo into a display of color. A light drizzle of rain poured down from the sky as Retsuko lead the group to a karaoke bar, a place that she and Haida knew all too well. Entering the building, an attendant lead them to a room Retsuko requested, before taking an order for food and drinks.

Retsuko and Haida got something with alcohol in it, while Kion and Jasiri opted for tea.

"Come on Kion, sing something" Jasiri encouraged, trying to get her lion to sing something. "They have songs in English"

"Oh, I can't sing," Kion said, scrolling through the songs on a tablet, and thinking he would die from embarrassment if he tried singing. "Retsuko, why don't you try something?"

He handed the microphone to the red panda, who then typed '9091-89' in on the tablet.

She took a deep breath as the music began to build, before screaming out as loud as she could into the mic.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Kion and Jasiri covered their ears, while Haida just stared wide-eyed at the red panda. Kion worried that the glasses with their drinks would shatter. Jasiri tried to say something to her mate, but the lion could only see her lips moving.

Meanwhile, Haida just continued to watch his red panda as she belted out frustration in her favorite song.

000

While Heroes was taking a well-deserved break after their victory in North Korea, their counterparts had done something much sinister. They had just eliminated one of the powerful individuals who had afforded them their prominent positions in the Chinese military, meaning now they were sovereign figures. They no longer had to listen to the plans and demands of the meterex leader who had found them, and the person they had just killed.

The battle wasn't even that tough, they severely outnumbered their enemy, who was in a weakened state. It was almost too easy filling him with holes and driving swords through his body. Now they were heading back to their ship, where they could plan the next phase of their operations.

"What kind of name is 'Dark Oak?'" Toothdee's counterpart laughed, her comment almost a way of spitting on the grave of the meterex they had slaughtered a few minutes prior.

"You mean what kind of name was 'Dark Oak" Alex's counterpart said, "he and his meterex failed to conquer this world once before, but we will succeed where they failed."

"You know I have to say that's a nice addition to your arsenal," Dark Eris said, pointing to Alex's wrist.

"Thank you," the dark warrior said, looking at his wrist, which was clad in a black gauntlet with an integrated grappling hook. The hook allowed him to pull enemies or objects in from afar, quickly bringing them within striking distance. It was also capable of pulling panels off walls and tearing apart objects.

Arriving back at the Black Typhoon, the group made their way into the command room after stashing their weapons in the armory.

"Toothdee, get me a status report," Dark Alex said, to which his friend obliged, lighting the room up with screens displaying information.

"North Korea is lost." Dark Toothdee said, looking over some screens "but this is only a small victory for the United States."

"Are our tactics working?"

"Yes, with no real front line, and no defined separation of territory, we will keep the US on their toes. Guessing where we're gonna attack next, and eventually wearing them down. We are still able to get our troops to most positions in the Pacific, and strike at places the United States won't expect."

"However we do have to acknowledge that they are on our doorstep now, are our defenses ready?"

"Our defenses are ready to hold back any assault, and reports suggest the US won't attack won't attack. In fact, bombing campaigns and ground-based incursions have led them to pull back somewhat, meaning a large area of North Korea is without a military presence. And the US has taken in many civilians, meaning there are fewer people in general."

"Perfect looks like they failed at establishing a beachhead close too China, but we should still be on guard for attacks from North Korea. However, it's time to strike back at the United States. Laval, is your fleet ready?"

The lion stepped forward and spoke. "Yes, the new vessels have been seamlessly integrated into our battle formations, we're ready to get back out there."

"Kion? Are your teams ready?"

The other lion began his explanation "Our gear is ready & the plan is set, all that's left is to put it into action"

"Brilliant, I say we couldn't have picked a better time for a war" Dark Alex said "the political, economic, and military climate was perfect"

"Tensions have been growing between the nations for a while now, it was obviously going to erupt in war," Dark Toothdee said, swiping through some data pages on a tablet. "Growing tension as China expands is territory & grows its military. Not to mention the US leading more towards a policy of isolationism, as China strives forward in terms of its economy, & its environmental protection efforts."

The dark warrior paused & looked out a nearby window as he collected his thoughts.

“The time when the United States is the world's dominant power is at an end. A new era is emerging. You have your orders, go forth and enact our will!"

The dark characters filed out of the room, ready to enforce their machinations upon the United States & Heroes.

"Let's show the world what we can really do."

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Hopefully, everyone liked that forboding scene at the end! A nice peek into the mind of the enemy. This update was a pain to post for some reason as well. But this was a nice, slower paced chapter, but next time there will be more action for all you thrill seekers! Please leave a review and have a great day!

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arjyles · 6 years

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i originally meant to accompany this w an art piece but i forgot to finish it so heres the fic for now

wrote this for @taylorearhardts for trimberlydwarves secret santa-- MERRY CHRISM MY DUDE!!!! HOPE U LIKE IT!!! BC I LOVE KIMZACK NOW

They really couldn’t be friends without constantly pushing each others’ boundaries.

Kim 4:42pm: zack i need ur eyes and opinion

Zack 4:43pm: im not giving u fashion advice unless it’s for lingerie

Kim 4:43pm: ik ur joking but that’s deadass what i was gonna ask

Kim 4:44pm: don’t make it weird

Zack 4:44pm: no hetero right babe ;p

She rolls her eyes at his choice of words, and snaps the picture anyway. Scrolling down her list of best friends on Snapchat, she captions the photo, “no hetero x,” before selecting Zack’s name and hitting send, no pause or hesitation needed. It’s just Zack, after all.

Immediately after it’s sent, the red triangle turns white, indicating that he opens it right away. After all, there are basically no boundaries in their friendship, and if there are, they’re quickly broken, since the two of them run the reckless impulse decision kingdom.

Zack 4:49pm: it’s hot but why pink. why not black ;(

Kim 4:49pm: it’s my fav colour ok. this is lingerie for me not u

Zack 4:50pm: fine

Zack 4:50pm: is there a v-shape version of the bra tho. ur tiddies look flat in that

She grins and shakes her head at his honesty. There are about 8 more pink bras she needs his opinion on, anyway.

“Anyone seen Kim yet?”

“Nah, T. She wasn’t in bio?”

Trini glares at Zack’s question. “Of course not. Why else would I be asking?”

“Jeez,” Zack says, raising his hands in surrender. Trini was very protective of Kim, for some odd reason. With Kim not there, she’s especially more cranky. “Relax, dude. We can check on her. Who’s free?”

Trini’s about to volunteer, until Jason puts his hand on her shoulder, “you can’t, dude. We’ve got that math test next period,” she sighs, and Jason turns to Billy and Zack, “can one of you?”

Before Billy can say anything, Zack speaks out, “I guess I will!” he says enthusiastically, saving Billy from having to ruin his perfect attendance, “I was already gonna skip, anyway.”

“Are you sure you can?” Billy asks, looking conflicted between wanting to be a good friend and wanting to be a good student, “is it really a good idea for you to skip more classes?”

Zack waves him off, relieving the others of worrying about his grades, “yeah, it’s fine. I’ve got a spare third period anyway, and we’re only watching a movie in fourth.”

Then, he gets up from their shared lunch table to make his way to Kim’s house, leaving Billy to tutor Jason and Trini in the last bits of trig they need help with.

Normally, she wasn’t one to take days off like this, but her mother called her last night reminding her how she was no longer living up to her parents’ standards, and now she can’t really bring herself to leave her house.

Instead, it’s nearing 1pm and she’s still in bed, listening to her Depression Playlist™ on repeat, while watching her ceiling fan rotate over and over. She can’t tell if it’s making her dizzy, or if her head just hurt from oversleeping.

Just before she can transition from humming along to belting out the bridge of Hands Down, Chris Carrabba’s voice is interrupted by her phone ringing.

Groaning, she rolls over to check her caller ID, and is only mildly surprised to see Zack’s face grinning at her before she hits the answer button.

“What,” Kim says into her phone, sounding irritated.

“Well, hello to-” he grunts, “you too.”

Kim raises a brow at that. “Why do you sound constipated? Did you call me while you were on the shitter?”

He laughs, but it sounds slightly strained, “no. I’m scaling a building, actually.”

Kim tsks, showing her mild disapproval at his risqué antics. “Don’t scale the fucking school, Zack,” she scolds him, “you’re gonna get yourself expelled and Zordon’s gonna murder your ass for taking advantage of your powers.”

There’s a brief pause on the phone, like he’s readjusting his stance to a more ergonomically proper way of climbing, “who said I was scaling the school?”

“What building are you scaling?” She asks, slightly worried that he might be putting himself in danger. Well, as much danger as a ranger can face. “Zack, what the fuck.”

He giggles again, sounding like a giddy school girl, “here’s a hint,” he says, and she can basically see the grin on his face through the phone, “open your window to find out. NOT CLICKBAIT.”

And then it clicks. (ha ha get it) She looks over to her window only to see one set of fingers on the outside sill, where Zack must’ve been dangling from.

“Why haven’t you at least pulled yourself up?”

“Because-” he grunts again, probably shifting his hand a little bit so he can get more comfortable, “my booty is poppin’ way too hard to fit onto the ledge. Let me in, Kim!”

She sighs exasperatedly before pulling the covers off herself to make her way towards the window. Once there, she glances down at the boy still hanging on with one arm, a phone in his other.

He waves at her with the phone-hand, before putting his phone back to his mouth, “so are you gonna let me in, or nah?”

She grins at him and shrugs, “I wish I could, but I have a screen on my window.”

His face drops. “Are you serious?”

“No, I just wanted to see how long you could hang onto that.”

“Probably forever-- I’m that buff,” he says, winking at her, “but someone might see me.”

She reaches over to open the window, but pauses, “to be fair, you’re in my backyard.”

“Kim,” he pleads with her, his voice cracking. “C’mon.”

“Fine,” she relents, but not before dramatically sighing and hanging up, as if all of this was physically taxing on her.

She unlocks the window and pushes it open, watching as Zack pockets his phone and pulls himself up, landing ungracefully onto her floor face first. Despite the fall, he still comes back up smiling.

“So, what’s up, Kimmy? You good?” He asks, while toeing his shoes off before Kim can give him shit for it. He was really the only one of her friends who did that automatically, the other rangers being absolute heathens, wearing shoes indoors. “Why’d you stay in?”

“Honestly,” she sighs, grabbing his hand and leading him to her bed and he lies next to her, like it’s routine, “I’m not feeling the best right now.”

He hums, and she can feel the vibrations from his chest. Then she feels his hand come up to her forehead, and he presses it there for a minute.

“You seem okay, though. Is it a different kind of sickness?”

She purses her lips. They never really hide anything from each other. If they didn’t know something about each other, it’s probably because they just forgot to tell the other.

This time, though, Kim feels a little bit of hesitance.

“Yeah, kind of,” she says instead.

He doesn’t say anything. He’s waiting for her to elaborate.

“Just, y’know…” She clears her throat, trying to decide if this is something she can share with him. “Good ol’ depression, hittin’ me up.”

He’s silent again. Kim feels like she’s finally found the boundary between them that she shouldn’t have crossed.

“Depression?” He finally questions, and Kim holds her breath still for whatever he’s about to say next, “isn’t that just a fancy word for feeling ‘bummed out?’”

Relieved, she feels her heartbeat relax, and grins against his shoulder. “Dwight, you ignorant slut.”

He chuckles at that, and waits a minute before asking, “so, do you want me to go, or can I stay?”

“You can stay, but only if I can paint your nails.”

“Do you have Vantablack?”

“Sorry I wasn’t there yesterday. I really wanted to be.”

“It’s okay, I get it,” Kim says, and she really means it. She runs through the combination on her lock again-- it’s a little rusty, “Zack was more than enough.”

Trini nods, and Kim takes that as her cue to accept that they’re done with the topic, and takes her textbooks out of their shared locker to shove them haphazardly into her backpack.

She’s about to ask Trini how her math test went yesterday, when Zack’s familiar voice greets the two of them.

“Hey, Trini,” he says, ruffling her hair, then, “hey Kimmy.”

But before Kim can even get a ‘hey’ out, Zack is ducking quickly and throwing Kim over his shoulder so she’s squealing loudly as he tickles her sides.

It isn’t anything new, the two of them were the most physical and touchy people on the team, but with how loud and obnoxious they’re being, it’s almost similar to how the couples Kim rolls her eyes at in the hallway act when they do major PDA.

Regardless, she can’t care less about her reputation.

“Put me down, Zack!” She giggles, her bag on the floor, now forgotten.

“I will, if I get this one thing wrong,” he promises, and there’s suddenly a mischievous undertone to his voice that worries Kim only slightly.

“What is it?” She asks, despite herself.

He pokes at her side once more so she’s laughing again, “you’re wearing that pink bralette you sent me, aren’t you?”

“Oh my God,” Kim laughs, and hopes Trini isn’t still there to hear that, “fuck you.”

Then the bell rings, but Zack doesn’t even drop Kim-- he just picks up her backpack off the floor and slings it over his shoulder, continuing to carry her to Trini and Kim’s bio class.

She feels a slight pleasure at the confused looks some people give her on the way— the question, ‘are you two together?’ written on their faces.

It’s just Zack, she reminds herself, trying not to think about why she gets a warm feeling from the thought of her and Zack being together.

They’re on their way to the quarry, Kim sandwiched between Billy and Trini, while Jason drives, and Zack sits in shotgun.

Kim originally intends to sit next to Zack, who unintentionally ruins that plan by calling shotgun before anybody else can.

She’s perfectly content with getting to sit next to Trini, however, even though she’s recently had a sudden wave of warm appreciation for the black ranger.

After that first period in the morning, Zack had carried Kim from every class so that her feet had basically never touched the halls of their school that day because ‘princesses should be treated as such.’

They were both not shy about touching, but it was the first time Zack had been that extra about their physicality, and Kim found herself grinning wide from how grateful she was that he was trying so hard to cheer her up after her day off the day before.

Finally, Jason pulls up to the quarry, and before she can even get her seatbelt off, Zack says, “last one there has to finally wear black underwear!”

Jesus Christ. What is it with that boy and underwear?

Meanwhile, the other three rangers aren’t phased by this comment, instead moving at a speed that showed no indication they felt threatened by this challenge.

Kim tries to be patient, she really does, but Billy and Trini were moving so slow, and knowing Trini would mind less about the sudden contact, she unbuckles her belt quickly, not even bothering to wait for Trini to exit the car so she can climb over the smaller girl in an attempt to beat Zack to the pit. It’s pretty clear the race is only meant to be between the two of them.

She catches up quickly, the taller boy having tripped earlier on the mud.

“So if I win, what do I get?”

“Me in pink underwear,” he smirks, and trips Kim before running ahead.

Zack wins, but only because he had a head start and cheated. Or at least, that’s what Kim tells herself as she wrings the water out of her hair while glaring at the cheater.

“You did me dirty, Taylor,” she says, attempting to unstick her wet shirt from her body.

He grins. “How else am I going to do you, Hart?”

She narrows her eyes at him, and he only shrugs.

They make their way over to the ship, all the while side eying each other, another unspoken race in the midst.

“I win,” Zack says, and then smugly adds on, “again.”

“Um,” she starts, trying to imitate her lawyer mother’s tone in court, “we didn’t even say that was a race,” she points out, knowing full well if she beat him she would’ve said the same thing.

He scoffs, “whatever. Potato, poh-tah-to.”

But Kim is already stripping quickly, trying to change before Zack can. Everything is always a competition between the two of them.

Zack, only now noticing what she’s doing, quickly throws his shirt over his head and makes a grab for his dry shirt.

Kim stops him before he can reach it, though. “Wait, hold up,” she says, only having one leg through her pants, “I think I like you better shirtless.”

If he thinks her flirtatious behaviour is weird, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he flexes his pecs back and forth, “is it because I have better nipples than you?”

Kim rolls her eyes at him, finally finished dressing herself, “no, actually, it’s because I win.”

“Touché, Kimmy,” he remarks, looking slightly impressed.

Then there are sounds of splashing coming through, indicating the others have finally caught up.

“You lost earlier, though,” he reminds her, throwing a shirt on, ineffectively covering his nipples, since it’s so cold down there anyway, “so this Friday? You and me. Black underwear shopping. Don’t forget.”

Kim watches him walk away to greet the others, and is unable to fight the grin that forms on her face.

“Can we take a break?” Zack asks, answering Kim’s question about the deeper meaning of Ophelia’s death, “my brain is fried and my stomach would also like something fried.”

“I’d tell your stomach to eat your brain, but honestly, I am so sick of Shakespeare right now,” Kim agrees, cracking her back as she stands up from her bed to stretch.

“Thanks for your help, though,” Zack is sure to say again. Without Kim, it was unlikely he’d even be passing this class, let alone getting a 72.

She chuckles at his hourly need to thank her for helping him, “no problem. But what do you want? You wanna order a pizza or go to Krispy Kreme?”

“I’m not really feeling Krispy Kreme tonight,” he admits, now sick of all the donuts from there. Why the team had adopted that restaurant as their go-to, he’d never know. He didn’t even like donuts that much. “What about Burger King?”

“That’s like, on the other side of town,” she points out.

He shrugs, “yeah, but you got wheels.”

“Well, yes,” she agrees hesitantly, “but I don’t really feel like driving. We can go, but you have to drive.”

“I don’t know how to drive,” he says, and looks at her as if this should be obvious information.

Her brows furrow in shock and confusion. “What?”

“I don’t know how to drive, Kim,” he repeats, “it’s gay culture!”

“Dude, what. I can drive?”

He brushes her off. “Whatever, dude. I just never learned how. Like, how would I?” He questions, “I don’t even have a car.”

There’s a brief pause as Kim lets that sink in. Logically, it makes sense. They’re only 17, which means that they only had two years to have learned how to drive, and between taking care of his mother, and not having a car, it really should’ve been obvious.

“Okay, c’mon,” she says, finally breaking the silence to pull him up from her bed.

“Are we going to Burger King?” He asks, as he follows her to her car.

She doesn’t answer him until they’re in the car. “Yes, but I’m also gonna teach you how to drive.”

“Kim,” he starts, as he buckles in his seatbelt, “you saw me driving my Zord. Are you sure your BMW’s gonna be okay?”

She waves him off while backing out of her driveway, “shut up. You’re gonna make me not want to teach you. Let’s just see how this goes.”

Their bellies are full and they’ve just finished their share of mozzarella sticks and King Burger meals and are now in their empty school’s parking lot.

“Okay, so first, you probably wanna adjust the mirror to your height,” she says, the last bit of fries in her mouth, “Jesus, why are you so tall?”

He discards his burger box into the takeout bag. “Maybe you’re just short.”

“Ex-squeeze me, bitch, I’m 5’5,” she states, her hand on her chest in mock offence, “that’s the national average.”

“Whatever,” he says, and he adjusts the mirror so that he can see his rear, “there. It’s fixed.”

“Okay, good. Now start driving.”

“Wh- you didn’t even teach me how to,” he says, looking over at her in bewilderment.

Her voice is calm, and soothing, like a yoga instructors’, “just do what feels right. That’s what I do on a daily basis, if I’m honest.”

“How the fuck do you have a license?”

“I stop at stop signs-- isn’t that enough?”

He shrugs and pushes down on the pedal but the car remains still. “Why isn’t it moving?”

“Babe, you’re still on park,” she chuckles, “switch to drive.”

He looks around at all the buttons on the BMW. There are probably more in there than in his Zord. “What?” He asks, looking to her for some guidance.

“On the PRNDL.”

“The PRNDL- oh!” He exclaims, now understanding that episode of The Suite Life, “the PRNDL! I know some of these words!”

“Yes,” Kim smiles patiently at his childish antics, “now switch to ‘D.’”

“I’m always on D,” he winks.

She pauses, trying to think of a reply to that. “I’m gonna ignore that,” she says, instead, “just start slow.”

He follows her instructions, switching the function to ‘D,’ and presses lightly on the pedal. They’re only moving at 5mph.

“Good shit, good shit,” Kim says, appreciatively, “now try a little faster.”

Zack nods, and he practically stomps on the gas pedal, switching from 5mph to 90mph.

“Okay, wait, not like that, hit the brake!”

But Zack isn’t sure which pedal is the brake— there are at least three pedals, and they’re nearing the school’s dumpster.

“Which one’s the brake?” He asks, trying to decide between the 50/50.

“BITCH-!” Kim exclaims, and then she’s ducking down and hitting the brakes for him.

The car screeches to a halt, just about an inch or two away from hitting the science lab.

“Wow, good save, Kimmy,” Zack laughs, still thrilled from the close call, “but if you wanted to get on my lap you could just ask.”

She glares at him from her compromising position on his lap. “Oh my God, shut up.”

Somehow, Zack convinces her to let him try again, and by the end of the night, they’re blasting One Direction songs and singing at the top of their lungs, while drifting in their high school parking lot.

Kim never really lets herself think too much about something before doing it, but for some reason, when it comes to Trini, she’s always second guessing herself.

Needing a little push to help her decide whether or not this decision is a good idea or not, she quickly runs through her friends to decide who would be best at talking her through this.

Her first thought is Jason, but she quickly pushes that thought away. Things were still a little tense between them since they made out at his house that night, even though they talked about it, so asking him for his opinion on this would just ruin everything.

Billy is a sweetheart, but also a definite no. She isn’t sure if she should run the risk of making him uncomfortable.

Then there’s Zack, who… Would make total sense to ask.

Kim 9:52pm: zack can u rate my nudes idk if they’re good enough to send to tr*ni

She throws her phone back on her bed as she waits for him to text back, digging through her closet to find her cutest lacy bra, before throwing it on. It’s her most trusty piece of lingerie, always guaranteed to make the viewer drool at the sight of it.

Her text tone goes off, and she practically dives onto her bed to read it. Zack 9:55pm: only if u finally got lingerie that isn’t fuckin pink

She looks down at her current attire, and then sits up again to look back at her closet. Without having realized it, she’d slowly sifted out the other colours of lingerie she had, and now only owned pink. It isn’t like all her bras are pink, but all the cute ones are.

Kim 9:55pm: fuck

Groaning, she lies back down onto the bed dramatically, trying to figure out a solution. She needs to send these nudes tonight , or her impulse would run short and she’d have too much time to think about it for the next time. Kim 9:56pm: k wait what if there was no lingerie

His reply comes almost immediately after that.

Zack 9:56pm: .... SEND i needed these nudes like yesterday

Grinning, she strips her bra off and makes her way to the bathroom, flipping her Snapchat camera over to regular instead of selfie mode.

She dims the light slightly so it’s less bright, and uses her arms to cover her nipples, while pushing her boobs together, in the way that she knows drives her conquests to call her a ‘fuckin’ tease.’

Once satisfied with how it looks, she snaps the photo, and captions it “will this pic make trini understand im tryna get it?”

As usual, he opens it immediately, but it takes a minute for him to reply.

He snaps her back, and it’s a photo of him losing his shit, captioned “kIM NO ONE WAS READY FOR THAT HOLY SHIT!!!”

She chuckles at his reaction, and he texts her while the snap is still opened.

Zack 10:01pm: Kim holy shit ur hot

Zack 10:01pm: send that shit to trini bitch will nut on the spot!!!

Zack 10:01pm: biitcchhhh god has BLESSEDT my eyes

She throws her shirt back on, and shuts the bathroom light off, all the while still texting Zack.

Trini remains forgotten, and Kim doesn’t end up sending any more nudes that night.

It’s finally Friday, or the day that Zack has come to collect his winnings from Kim.

“Kim, are you ready?” He asks, as he balances precariously on her window sill, his butt not quite fitting on it.

Kim turns as he taps on the window again, and she covers herself up out of reflex, scolding him, “Zack, do I look like I’m ready?” She asks, throwing a shirt at the window to scare him.

“Let me in,” he insists, still tapping on the glass.

“No, I’m not done getting dressed,” she says, and turns her back toward him in an attempt to stay decent in front of him while changing her shirt.

“It’s not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before.”

She rolls her eyes at him, but still lets him in anyway, even though her shirt isn’t on yet.

“Thank you,” he says, smiling smugly, and he rubs his backside slightly. The ledge really was too small for his butt.

Finally, she gets her shirt on, and makes her way to her desk where she knows her keys are, only to find that they’re missing.

“Okay, let’s go,” Zack says, redirecting her attention to his hands as he jingles the keys, so that it’s evident that she hadn’t misplaced them. “I’m driving.”

Kim’s grinning, but shaking her head as she follows him to her car, “I knew it was a bad idea to teach you.”

“It’s for a fun surprise, okay?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” she mutters, locking the door behind her.

The ‘fun surprise’ turns out to just be the Victoria’s Secret at the local mall. Kim figures he was just excited to use his newfound skill of driving.

As soon as they enter the store though, Zack’s already grabbing all kinds of black bras from every section, making Kim wonder if he’d ever done this before.

“There you go,” he says, handing her at least 12 bras with their matching underwear before pushing her into the fitting room.

She glances at the first bra he’d handed her, and is surprised. He hadn’t even needed to ask for her size, but he’d grabbed the correct one for all of them.

Throwing on the first bra, she admires herself quickly in the mirror. It’s a lacy black push up bra, with a scallop cut at the bottom of it, so it accentuates her abs perfectly. She probably wouldn’t say it out loud, but Zack definitely had an eye for good lingerie.

She takes one last glance at herself to ensure everything’s in the right place, before stepping out of the dressing stall, now dressed in the complete set of underwear he’d handed her.

“If I send Trini nudes in this, do you think I could finally get it?” She asks, as soon as Zack sees her.

His jaw drops, but then he closes it and nods quickly to agree, “holy shit babe, black is your colour,” he says, still slightly dazed, “you look like such a thirst trap.”

She flushes slightly from his comment, before remembering it’s Zack. “Honestly, it’s everybody’s colour,” she says, trying to brush off the blush on her face, “black is the colour you wear when you wanna get laid-- at least, that’s what it’s like according to 10 Things I Hate About You.”

“What’s good?” he winks, gesturing to his all black outfit. Then his face turns serious again, “if you don’t cop that shit, I’m buying it for you.”

Kim grins, delighted, “hang on, dude, there are like, a million more bras I still need to try.”

Zack sits back down, trying to relax how hyped up he was for Kim, while giving her a thumbs up, letting her know he was ready for her to continue on with the show.

She closes the door behind her once back in the stall, looking at all the equally cute sets he’d chosen, if not cuter.

It was pretty clear for Kim that she could never go underwear shopping ever again without the tall boy.

Kim’s in the middle of Beyoncé’s Partition when she’s suddenly reminded that she never sent Trini those nudes the other night.

Without thinking, she gets up immediately to open her bags from Victoria’s Secret, grabbing the matching set that Zack said made her a tease, because of how sheer it is.

She throws on the set— but before she can snap a picture, she texts Zack first for his approval.

Kim 9:23pm: k dude im boutta to send trini nudes in the shit we bought today lms if its a bad idea

Zack 9:24pm: nudes from u r always a good idea tf flaunt what u have while u still have it get it sis!!!!!

Zack 9:24pm: but also. i have eyes so dont forget to send them to me too ;p

Kim laughs at his response. Of course she will. It’s not even a question at this point. But she quickly gets back to business.

She lies back down onto her bed and covers the lower half of her body with her blanket, just slightly above her bellybutton. Her right arm extends as she flips her Snapchat camera over to selfie mode, and she’s sure to crop out her face from the shot, using her left index finger to push down on her lower lip as she smirks at the camera. She adjusts her bralette once more to ensure her nipples are on optimal display before snapping the photo and captioning it, “translucent nipples bc u don’t deserve to see the real thing yet.”

She selects Zack’s name, then hesitantly adds on Trini’s, and hits send before she can overthink it.

Zack opens his immediately, while Trini’s is still left unread.

Zack 9:31: holy shit

Zack 9:31pm: ur such a fuckin tease

Zack 9:32pm: ur nipples still remain a mystery but at least now i know they exist

Kim 9:33pm: just take my word for it dude my nipples are perfect

Zack 9:33pm: ill believe it when i see it

Zack 9:33pm: anyway what did tr*ni say

She flips back over from her texts to Snapchat, only to see that it’s still unread.

Kim 9:34pm: idk she hasn’t opened it yet tf

Kim 9:35pm: pls keep talkin to me though i can’t keep thinking about it or im gonna get nervous

Zack 9:36pm: dont be nervous tf!! bitch is gonna nut to that pic but if she doesn’t hey baby what’s good

Kim smiles at that, despite the vulgarity of the sentence. He’s always been good at distracting her.

Kim 9:36pm: thx so much ily wtf

Kim 9:36pm: bitch still hasn’t replied yet!! tf is she doin it’s been 5 mins

Zack 9:37pm: ik ilyt x

She tries to ignore the fluttering in her stomach after that text. It’s probably just nerves building up about Trini.

Zack 9:37pm: wow i can’t believe T is rly out there having a life

Kim 9:38pm: jks she just opened it lmao im not freaking out

Zack 9:39pm: omg ok dw it’s just trini

Kim sighs. Right. Just Trini. There’s nothing to be nervous about.

She paces around her room for a bit, trying not to think too hard about what Trini’s reply might be, before she decides to abandon her phone for a bit while she goes to pick up a glass of water from her kitchen.

Trying not to rush back, she takes her time going back up the steps to her room.

All this is pointless, though, because once she crosses the threshold in her room, she’s diving onto her bed to check her Snapchat.

Opened 5 minutes ago, it reads, under Trini’s name. Kim feels her heart sink.

Kim 9:43pm: trini isn’t replying i don’t think she was ready for the nudes

Zack 9:44pm: wtf T.., i thought she had eyes

Zack 9:44pm: mayb she’s busy tho

Zack 9:45pm: lmAo can u imagine if u sent her nudes while she was babysitting that would suck haHa

Kim breathes a sigh of relief at that. Right. Maybe Trini’s just not in a position to reply to a picture like that.

Kim 9:46pm: omfg do u think i did., rip

Zack 9:46pm: how inconsiderate

Kim 9:46pm: fuck man im emo why can’t she take the hint

Zack 9:47pm: just let it marinate she’s the kind of person u need to b direct to

She frowns at that. Kim is used to playing games— it was basically cheerleading code, back in her day.

Figuring Zack is right, though, Kim accepts it, quickly getting a vague idea on how to be more straightforward.

Kim 9:48pm: tru I’ll tell her on monday i wanna have her babies

Zack 9:49pm: sounds good

It’s third turning fourth period on Monday, and Kim has a spare last period, but she tells Ms. Appleby that there’s a cheerleading meeting to get her out of third period early.

She’s been out of the squad for months, but it’s pretty clear the teacher has other things to worry about than high school drama, since she lets Kim out anyway.

Now, she’s pacing outside of Trini and Jason’s math class, watching the clock on her phone as the period comes to an end.

She only has to wait about two minutes after the bell rings for Trini and Jason to walk out together, the two still talking about whatever lesson they’d just shared.

“Hey, T,” Kim says, not even caring that she’s interrupting Jason’s questions about trinomials, “can I talk to you?”

Trini gives her a weird look, but nods anyway, “what’s… up?” She asks, looking confused by how much of a psycho Kim probably looks like right now.

Kim side eyes Jason for a second, before turning back to the smaller ranger, “privately?”

The yellow ranger shifts her questioning gaze to Jason, who only shrugs at her. “Um, okay,” she agrees hesitantly, letting Jason take her books to their next shared class together.

“Great,” Kim smiles, before grabbing her hand and leading her to the parking lot.

She doesn’t have a game plan yet, but her car seems like a private enough place to have this conversation.

The doors to her BMW slam shut, and the two girls sit in silence for a good five minutes.

“So…” Kim starts, finally breaking the silence, “how’s it going?”

“What?” Trini says, flatly, so that it doesn’t sound like a question.

Kim doesn’t notice, though. She’s too nervous. “Like what’s up? The weather is nice, isn’t it?”

It isn’t. It looks like it’s about to rain.

“Um, I guess,” Trini says, and wanting to cut to the chase, she asks, “Kim, what were you gonna talk to me about?”

The taller girl breathes slowly, trying to calm herself down. “Just,” Inhale.“ Gimme a second,” exhale. “I need to hype myself up.”

“... For what?”

“Um,” Kim chuckles nervously, shifting her body slightly so she’s fully facing Trini, “I thought I’d be way smoother about this.”

She’s by no means a patient person, but Kim is being uncharacteristically jittery, so whatever she has to say has to be big. “What is it?”

Kim doesn’t answer her, instead choosing to lean over the console and cup Trini’s cheek.

But before she can come any closer, Trini stops her, “what are you doing?”

“What…” Kim trails off, face redder than she ever lets herself be in public, “I’m sorry, I thought-“

“-it’s okay,” Trini interrupts, seeming to take pity on the usually confident girl stumbling over herself, “you didn’t think wrong.”

Kim is even more confused. “Oh. Then why-?”

“-because I don’t think you do.”

“What?”

Trini laughs, but there’s no humour in it. “Listen, Kim, I like you a lot and everything, but I don’t think you know what you want.”

“... what?” Trini isn’t making sense anymore. It’s like the more she tries to explain herself, the more confused Kim gets.

“If you still feel this way in a week, we can try again, but, I’m sorry, dude, I’m not one of your impulsive decisions.”

And with that last sentence, the shotgun door is slamming, and Kim’s watching Trini head back to class.

She sits in alone in the car for at least twenty minutes, before finally turning on the ignition, still trying to figure out what the fuck all that meant.

She spends a good few hours at her personal pool at the mines before heading home to shower, trying to clear her mind of how she was just rejected.

But the therapy doesn’t do much, and she’s dying to talk about it.

Figuring he’s settled himself at home comfortably by now, Kim texts Zack.

Kim 6:55pm: i told trini at school today that I liked her and then she told me i didnt know what i wanted

Zack 6:57pm: what’d u say

Kim 6:58pm: ok well tbh I didn’t say anything I just tried to kiss her

Zack 6:58pm: lol wtf she ain’t got the clue still??

Kim 6:59pm: ya idk.., she said she didnt wanna be one of my impulsive decisions so is that a rejection

It’s a genuine question. The tiny girl did say she could try again next week.

Zack 7:00pm: idk what that means dude. cant relate

Kim frowns. She hoped he’d have an answer for her or something.

Zack 7:00pm: everything i do is just bc i felt like doin it at that exact moment. T kinda thinks things out more

She nods along to that. She’s the same.

Briefly, she thinks about how Trini rejecting her made her feel today, and types in a few paragraphs before erasing each one.

Finally, she settles on her last paragraph, figuring Zack will understand what she means. He always does, anyway, even when she doesn’t have the words to explain.

Kim 7:05pm: tru.,, is it bad that i dont feel that sad about her rejecting me. I just mainly feel emo about how i couldn’t make out with her today.

Zack 7:06pm: ngl thats kinda fuckt but relatable

Kim 7:07pm: I just haven’t done it in so long im dying., my lips are like “where is another. i need to be moisturized by somebody else’s saliva”

Zack 7:08pm: Honestly S A ME

Kim 7:08pm: wait that gives me an idea

Anyone else would be nervous, but Zack isn’t really worried about the possibility of Kim showing up on his doorstep to make out with him. It’s not like he hasn’t thought about it or anything, but the two of them run on impulse. He isn’t really one to overthink. It’s just Kim.

He’s in the middle of a game of 2048 when there’s a knocking on his door.

“Hey, Kim-“ he greets her as he opens his door, but before he can even finish his sentence, the girl in question jumps him, and he stumbles backward slightly, not quite registering what’s happening.

She wraps her legs around his waist, her arms coming around his neck, and it takes him a little while to register that Kimberly Hart is kissing him, and he still hasn’t made any move to kiss her back.

He quickly remedies this dilemma by shutting the door with his foot and placing his hands on her ass, trying to support some of her weight for her. Once sure of her comfortability, he lets himself melt into the kiss, and Kim responds enthusiastically, her tongue slipping into his mouth.

They stay that way for a few seconds, until he feels her grind slightly on his abs, and he sets her down onto the counter so he can kiss her neck.

“Is this okay?” Kim asks once her mouth is free, and he almost laughs at how belated the question seems— she’s already sporting a dark purple hickey on her neck.

“I don’t know,” he grins, and she frowns at him, “what underwear are you wearing?”

She rolls her eyes at him playfully before leaning in to whisper in his ear.

“Take my shirt off to find out. Not clickbait.”

#trimberlyelves #power rangers 2017 #kimzack #i still stan trimberly but if i had to choose a str8 ship itd b this 1 #my fic

38 notes · View notes

ursamajor603 · 6 years

Note

#12 please :)

I do believe this is canon. BTW, I’ll accept this for other characters in the story too – Harry and Niall, for instance.

“H-how long have you been standing there?” “Long enough.”

Stella stood in front of the mirror, wet from the shower, naked except for her knickers. Although 16 weeks gone, she wasn’t yet visibly pregnant in clothing — in fact, her body looked basically unchanged. Naked was another story. Her breasts were fuller, her hips a touch wider, her belly somewhat swollen. Her weight had always been consistent — she had never gained nor lost more than five pounds as an adult, and she was at best ambivalent about the changes in her body. Her tenuous relationship with Harry added to her insecurities.

He had floored her with his declaration of love, and his emotional appeal had all but undone the years of effort she had put into getting over him. She felt she owed it to herself to give him — and them — a chance, but the stakes were very high. Her body and soul wanted no part of caution, but she nevertheless leveraged her fierce maternal instinct and took it slowly. Very, very slowly. She would not be distracted from creating the best possible life from her baby. She would not give in to having continual fantasies about how amazing their lives could be together, as a family. She would not risk her career and her ability to support her child by moving to Los Angeles and making herself dependent on Harry so that they could spend more time together. And, not least, she would not have sex with him. As a practical matter, even safe sex carries risks, and while she was willing to take on those risks in order to have a sex life, she felt that the baby she carried should not be exposed to any such risks. Harry would have to be abstinent until any STIs would show up in a test, and then be tested before she would even consider it. Both Harry and Stella knew, however, that her practical concerns were serving a double purpose — Stella was not ready to make herself vulnerable to Harry that way again. Their extreme sexual compatibility had complicated her feelings and decisions and confused them both as to the actual state of their relationship over the years. She wanted to make clear-headed decisions, and as it stood, she felt just barely able to do that. All bets would be off, she feared, once they fully resumed their physical relationship.

Her confidence in this decision didn’t ward off second-guessing, however. Her habit of thinking through every last complication had not left her. Harry, not being in the best bargaining position, was very patient, especially outwardly, but his intense desire was not well-hidden. When they saw each other, they shared a bed and engaged in some intense make-out sessions, and his frustration was no less evident despite his intention to hide it. Though she knew she was entitled to make him wait until she was comfortable, she also wondered when, if ever, she would be confident about their future? Wouldn’t she just have to jump in at some point? Meanwhile, her pregnancy was progressing and her body was changing. At some point in her pregnancy, while sex wouldn’t be forbidden, it wouldn’t necessarily be easy and fun, either. At some point after that, the baby would come, and that meant sexual challenges for any couple, much less one in their position. And now that her body was starting to change, with speed, she would only be more uncomfortable with revealing herself to him for the first time in years.

So Stella wanted to wait until she was ready. But waiting seemed to make her only more unready. It didn’t take a therapist to see that uncertainty about sex was only the prism through which she was viewing uncertainty about their relationship. Stella did not doubt that Harry meant it when he said he loved her, that he wanted a real relationship with her, that he was thrilled about her baby and wanted them to be a family. She did harbor some doubts, though, about whether he would be able to sustain those feelings in the long-term. She had found her feelings for him right where she had left them, but in the intervening years, she had taken a clear-eyed view of how reckless he had been with her feelings and how selfish he could be in their interactions. That he hadn’t realized the effects of his behavior at the time didn’t exactly make it better. He was more careful now, cautious of her feelings and taking responsibility for his mistakes. But once he had what he wanted, would that continue?

Sometimes she felt that it was inevitable that she would give in. She couldn’t set aside how comfortable she felt in his arms, how they could talk for hours about almost nothing, how he could lift her mood and encourage her dreams. Despite his seeming inattentiveness over the years, he knew her like no one else. She felt accepted and adored with him. The biggest concern holding her back was the baby. Harry would be an amazing father. But if Harry and Stella couldn’t make it work, the only thing worse than Stella’s broken heart would be her baby’s. Her reflection in the mirror underscored the dilemma. It wasn’t all downside — if it worked out, she could give her baby another parent and more grandparents and maybe siblings. Conversely, she did not want to be overly influenced by that; she was wary of latching onto Harry out of fear of the difficult path she had willingly and eagerly chosen. It was an all-or-nothing kind of situation, and Stella was not much of a gambler. But, she reminded herself, getting pregnant the way she did was a gamble. Could she fight past her fears just one more time? Should she?

She heard a dull thud — the bathroom door had banged against the wall, due to Harry leaning on it. When she turned to look at him, he was unapologetically looking her near-nude body up and down. She got goosebumps. Her nipples hardened. Harry’s smirk meant that he wasn’t going to try to pretend he hadn’t noticed.

“H-how long have you been standing there?” she asked, as she wrapped herself in a bathrobe.

“Long enough,” he answered. “Don’t feel like you have to cover up on my account,” he grinned, closing the distance between them, putting his hand on her hip, wrapping the other around her, and leaning in for a kiss with the slightest hint of tongue. He pulled slightly back and said, “So I got — wait a minute, just need one more.” He leaned back in for a more passionate kiss that left Stella nearly out of breath and them both wanting more. Then he let go, and took a step back. “OK, really did want to tell you something. You look like a damn work of art. Exquisite. Like one of those Modilgliani paintings. Lush. Soft. Sexy. This gorgeous version of you is permanently embedded in my sexual fantasy repertoire. On a second, and totally unrelated note —” he raised an eyebrow, “I got the test results. All’s clear.” He waited a second, and when she didn’t say anything, he added, “Just so you know,” with a wink.

She felt the cloudy feeling that sometimes came upon her around Harry, in which every nerve ending was on high alert and her thoughts were consumed by nothing but him. She hadn’t even been expecting him that night, though he had been flying to Chicago regularly to see her. At least one thing was clear — since the moment he had declared his intentions to her, he had done nothing to make her doubt him. She didn’t try to overrule her instinct to get close to him. She put her arms around him, and they kissed intensely, tongues exploring, Harry softly biting Stella’s lower lip as they briefly pulled part. He turned them, leaned his back against the counter and pulled her forward such that they were pressed up against one another, as his lips found her neck and her hands slid under his shirt. Harry could feel Stella’s shallow breathing; Stella could feel Harry’s arousal. In moments like these, Stella felt that they wanted the same things, and she didn’t mean just sex.

They came up for air, both staring frankly at one another with undisguised want. Stella was tempted to move straight to bed, but was somewhat relieved when Harry smiled at her, pushed her hair away from her face, and suggested they get some dinner. The time to make a decision was coming, but they weren’t out of time yet.

#asks #drabbles #Time After Time #Harry Styles Fan Fiction

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skeletonbuddycos · 7 years

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Building Pyrrha’s sword: Miló

so when i first started planning out this costume at the beginning of the year, i jokingly told my friend she could make me a sword to go with it...........& then she actually did it. yay for friends who encourage each other to take on ambitious builds! you can find thea at her website & on twitter

Creating a replica of Pyrrha’s sword was quite a challenge. As this is the first real prop that I’ve designed and built from scratch, I had to learn a lot of techniques and skills to pull off something convincing. This post attempts to document the build process, tools, and techniques used to create this prop.

Part one: research & references

My first step was to figure out what this sword looks like and how I wanted to bring it to life. I had to get a sense of the size, shape, and colors used and how I would map those into the real world. This requires research and collecting references. It’s important to gather references that show multiple angles so you get a sense for all three dimensions. It’s also useful to get references from multiple sources because it might show the item in a different style which sometimes makes it easier to decide how the item should look in real life.

The easiest and most obvious set of references are just using screenshots from the show, like these:

(Source: Rooster Teeth)

RWBY in particular is a great resource for references. The show is 3D animated, so the items generally have plausible construction and proportions.

While researching I also found that the late Monty Oum provided clean references for all the RWBY characters on his Facebook:

(Source: Monty Oum)

The references so far are probably enough to start building, but I didn’t think that the colors used in the show would translate well into real life. After all, RWBY intentionally uses a simplified art style with bold color and sharp lines. So this is where I started looking for “non-canonical” references - fan art and other cosplays.

In some fan art, Pyrrha is rendered more in gold than yellow and the crimson is lightened up a bit:

(Source: Infinote on DeviantArt)

Sheena Duquette did an excellent 3D-printed version of Milo that used a significant amount of gold:

(Source: Soulfire Photography)

With these references in mind I could start designing and prototyping.

Part two: designing & prototyping

Now that I have some idea of what I want it to look like, I needed to design it and figure out how I want to build it. My design is very influenced by the tools available to me. I live in an apartment, I don’t have access to significant woodworking equipment, but I do have access to a small makerspace at work with a laser cutter and 3D printer. How you design and build a prop is so incredibly dependent on what tools and skills you have access to. If I had access to proper woodworking equipment like a CNC router, this would have been a significantly different build.

I designed this prop to build constructed out of layers of laser cut wood with a few 3D-printed embellishments.

Since I’m designing this for laser cutting, I designed everything in vector layers using Affinity Designer (I’ve seen other people use Illustrator or even InkScape). The first thing I did was use the references to create a rough outline of the sword and laser-cut a prototype to test the size:

(Rough outline in Affinity)

(Laser-cut size test out of cheap plywood)

I could have actually just used paper for the size test, but I was still learning the ins and outs of using the laser cutter and this was a good way for me to get used to the materials and processes involved. I decided after this that the sword was too big so I scaled everything down by 15% and cut a new size test - it seemed perfect to me at that point.

The next step was to start designing all of the layers and embellishments on those layers. I designed most of the layers initially with the material that was readily available to me at the makerspace: cheap 2.8mm plywood. You can see the layer vectors as different colors here:

(Layers in Affinity)

Due to the size limitations of the laser cutter and material size, I actually designed some of the layers to be cut in separate pieces. These pieces fit together like puzzle pieces:

(One layer with multiple parts in Affinity)

While designing the layers I printed several prototypes and dry fit them and improved the design. I went through about eight or so iterations before I felt comfortable with the design enough to do the final build.

(Dry fit of a prototype)

During this time I also designed a way for the sword’s blade to be removable to help with transportation. I didn’t get any pictures of this during the prototype, but there’s an explanation of it in the build section.

Once I felt comfortable with the prototype, I glued it all together to get a feel for what the final build would look and feel like.

(The final prototype assembled)

Note that I didn’t design or prototype any of the 3D parts at this stage. Since they’re all part of the “back” of the sword they could be just attached on later. I also wanted to get the final assembled laser cut parts so that I could accurately measure the dimensions of the real object to better design the 3D part.

Step three: building

Now it’s time to build this thing. During the prototypes, I decided that the cheap plywood wasn’t going to be acceptable for the final product. I decided to use 1/8" and 1/16” maple stock (from Inventables) for the final build. I used the 30W Epilog Zing 16 laser in the makerspace to cut and engrave all of the pieces out of the stock.

(Laser-cut and engraved parts)

During this time I also had to figure out how to do the gold design in the middle of the sword. I wasn’t content with just stenciling in a flat design, so I decided I wanted to engrave and color fill it. It took me ages to figure out an incredibly simple and low-tech solution to this. First, I painted some stock red and covered it in masking tape:

(Red-painted maple stock)

Then, I engraved through the masking tape, paint, and stock. I did this in multiple passes with low power to avoid burning the wood and tape:

(laser cutter engraving the design on the stock)

(The engraved and masked pieces)

Now that I essentially engraved a paint mask, I used gold spray paint to do the color fill:

(gold-painted parts)

Then, I carefully peeled off the masking tape:

(Masking tape in process of being removed)

And then I had two beautiful color-filled parts:

(The finished part, finally!)

With all the laser-cut parts ready, I did a dry-fit of everything to make sure it all worked:

(Dry-fit: looking good!)

Now the fun part: wood-gluing everything together:

(Making good use of the hundreds of clamps I bought for this)

It felt really great to hold this in my hands once it was completely glued:

(Assembled!)

The last part of this step of the build was to finish the blade removal mechanism.

(Blade locking mechanism and cover)

There’s a circle in the center under one of the emblems that works as a lock that's screwed into place. This locks the central blade, and the central blade in turn locks the main blade. The emblem is removable and is held in place using a couple of magnets (which I did number incorrectly, whoops). Fun story, when I first placed in the magnets I had the acrylic middle blade in place as you see here. I accidentally drilled into the acrylic and partially glued the magnets to the acrylic. That was a huge pain to fix- it involved a putty knife and lots of swearing.

Step four: 3D printing

Now that I had the finalized laser-cut parts all assembled and ready to go, it was time to create the 3d-printed embellishments.

The first thing I printed was the parts that comprised the barrel. I designed these using OpenSCAD and some simple formulas.

(Middle barrel part in OpenSCAD)

I printed them in PLA on my adorable but powerful Lulzbot Mini. I then glued to the main prop using tacky glue and then blended them in with wood filler and some super-glue.

(Barrel piece glued onto the prop)

Now for the most difficult part: the barrel cover. I am by no means a 3D artist - I barely know how to use 3D software at all. However, I did use some CAD software in high school, so I’m practically an expert, right? I used Affinity to draw the outline of the barrel cover then used Fusion 360 to model it into the part. I used measurements directly from the real prop to make sure this was designed to fit exactly.

(The basic barrel cover shape in Fusion 360)

I printed this basic shape to make sure it fit and then started to figure out how to do the engravings on this part. This was actually the most frustrating part for me. Fusion 360 kept freezing and crashing which was extremely frustrating. I’m not sure if my Macbook is just too wimpy to handle serious CAD work, but it was baffling to me that such a seemingly simple part was causing Fusion 360 so much trouble. Eventually, I found a hint online about disabling build history which allowed me to actually finish the part and all of the engravings without ripping my hair out and throwing my computer across the room.

(The final design in Fusion 360, sliced up into three parts so it’ll fit on my Lulzbot Mini)

With the design complete, I printed it. My Lulzbot churned out the three parts over two days and it came out fantastic:

(It’s BEAUTIFUL)

With all that done, all I needed was the little barrel poking out at the end. I whipped that up in OpenSCAD.

(Barrel and trigger glued in place)

Step five: painting

With the prop assembled, I spent a few days sanding and filling various parts to prepare it for painting. Because of limited space, I choose to use spray paint for this and paint at a friend’s house. I used Krylon ColorMaster spray paints. I painted the whole thing with a gray primer, then painted the gold sections, then masked and painted in the red sections. I finished the whole thing with a pass of clear coat.

(It’s painted!)

While the 3D design was the most frustrating, the outcome of the painting was the most disappointing to me. While I think the paint job is okay, I think I can do much much better. I felt rushed because I was borrowing another person’s space (despite them being wonderful and accommodating) and it was hot outside (I had a nasty sunburn from doing this). I was also really disappointed in how little control I felt I had over the spray paint. In the future I want to use an airbrush, but I don’t presently have the space for it.

Final thoughts

This was an incredibly ambitious item to try to build as my first prop. I’m honestly really proud of the outcome and I can’t wait to build my next prop. I learned so much about laser cutting and a little bit about 3D printing. I learned that I suck at painting. I learned that it’s critical to understand your tools and skills while designing your prop. I learned that I really wanna get access to proper woodworking and painting equipment. Hopefully someone else finds this build log useful- good luck!

#pyrrha nikos #rwby #rwby cosplay #cosplay #pyrrha updates

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cosmosogler · 7 years

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today i got almost everything done!

my mother woke me up at about 5:45, and then again at 6:20. i was super angry. then my brother and sister were in both the upstairs bathrooms so i had to go all the way downstairs and across the house just to go to the bathroom before i went back to sleep.

i dreamed that i was getting annoyed with a conspiracy theorist. “video games are downloading scientific theories into your brain!!!” it was the science that scared them apparently. and the computers. the person wasn’t even present, i was just hearing their voice as i played dream mario, which is only slightly like nintendo mario. i told the voice that video games are just another way to tell a story. i pulled a children’s book out of somewhere, i think it was “goodnight moon” actually. except the cover was wrong. but i was telling the voice that there wasn’t nothin wrong with telling a cute or simple story.

sometimes the story is “i got really good at jumping over hills and across floating spinners and on turtles.”

i only put on the snooze for five minutes because i really, REALLY didn’t want to get up with less than like seven and a half hours of sleep. i got up anyway and showered. i didn’t get to spend long in the shower though... i really need to shave but i haven’t had much time at all the last five, seven days. i shower every other day since it’s a little better for your hair and skin...

anyway as i was heading out to go to therapy dad decided to start asking me to do some chores. i sort of started one, i let eve outside, but i seriously didn’t have time to wait for her to take a sunbath and let her back in. then someone (not naming names, because i’m not 100% sure) decided to park their car in a way that made it impossible for me to pull out of the garage. so i had to go back inside, get that car’s key, move it to the other side of the driveway, go back inside to drop off that key, and then i could get in “my” car and get going. then people on the freeway kept cutting me off without using their turn signals and also were generally going below the speed limit so i would have to stand on the brakes. this happened more than once. then i almost hit someone trying to get over to the exit because as i passed them apparently they sped up while passing through my blind spot so they were farther up than i thought they would be when i started changing lanes. cool!!!!!!!!

in individual therapy i brought up a bunch of emotional problems i had started to explore a little bit in group therapy. i ended up talking for the whole 45 minutes straight basically. like, my therapist asked a few questions, and reassured me a few times, but it was like a huge information dump so hopefully in the coming weeks i can start addressing each problem individually. i also got my semester refund paperwork sorted out with her. i’ll be able to pick it up next week. i mostly focused on how none of my problems feel “big enough” unless they are unsolvable since i really didn’t get to talk about it in group yesterday. i said one thing that i kind of liked though. i said “i feel like if i didn’t have so many problems, i wouldn’t have so many problems.”

what i meant to say was “if i didn’t have so many mental and personality problems, i wouldn’t have so many life problems,” but the vagueness was silly enough that my therapist made a face and laughed. i said i didn’t know what to focus on first and she said “you’re already working on everything.” i had listed the multiple projects i am trying to keep up with therapy wise... i dunno. i feel like if i can get over that big “problems have to be impossible” hurdle things will start feeling a little more manageable and i’ll be able to make progress more quickly.

guess i gotta spend more time thinking about that. i’ll keep you posted as things come up.

after that i picked up my paperwork from my physician’s office since i was on that side of town and got the number for the radiology lab that wants to do the last test. when i got home i shoved some leftovers in the microwave and called the lab and scheduled my “hida scan,” which is a gall bladder test i guess where they put a bunch of glowing stuff through your digestive system and see if it goes through normally. the scheduler said it normally takes two hours unless they find something, in which case it will take longer. luckily my next therapy appointment is 4 hours after my procedure... i hope that will give enough time. i will have to let her know. i definitely wouldn’t be able to do it on a group therapy day and the lady seemed pretty keen on doing it as soon as possible. and i can’t do it in the afternoon in case it goes long and dad isn’t able to get to work.

so 8 am next tuesday it is.

so i had my ravioli and went upstairs and then after a short break i watched the iron giant with oz. the movie is even better than i remembered. then we talked about physics stuff while i worked on gathering study materials with my classmates. i had a great time, and i hope oz did too. it felt nice to do an activity with someone that took up all our attention, so i didn’t have to, like, feel self conscious about not baring my soul or something.

i think when asher gets back i will talk to him about maybe spending an afternoon at the pottery lounge thing by the amc. it’s not cheap, but last time i checked i didn’t think it was too expensive at least. and i still have the ceramic dog i painted like 15 years ago so the stuff lasts. basically you pick out a little ceramic statue and you get to paint it using a selection from like 200 different shades. and i think you can stay as long as it takes to paint it. the smaller stuff wasn’t too bad cost-wise.

got sidetracked. after i hung up with oz and got all my emails and google docs in order i went and got groceries for mom. she was making quesadillas for dinner. i unfortunately had to pay for them with my own money, and it felt weird buying meat after all these years. but i guess i buy dog treats often enough that it’s not really, like, a compromise of my morals or something. i noticed that the dogs really went wild over the chicken strips i bought last time, so i tried to expand to “turducken.” (spoiler: they loved those too.)

so i dropped off the vegetables and stuff with mom, checked on the cactus mouse, and watched a couple of the videos i had loaded up while talking to oz. i try not to spend too much time reading or watching videos while talking to people because i get super focused on what i’m looking at and don’t hear what they say any more haha.

then i went downstairs and had my veggie quesadilla. it was... ok. i was still a little hungry afterward, but i also felt kind of ill so i didn’t want to eat any more. eating with mom was the WORST. she breathes loud and chews with her mouth open so it’s just a constant avalanche of awful squishy mouth noises. it made me so angry and annoyed that i think that’s what made me sick more than the food. i kind of abruptly stood up and put my plate away and took the dogs outside after trying out the new treats. i tried to play fetch with wiley but he was having none of it today. which is very odd... maybe it was just too hot for him to want to run around.

i have been experiencing kind of horrible pain between my shoulder blades. i’m pretty sure it’s not my bra pinching anything because it’s way above the strap... probably a pinched nerve. i tried stretching my arms and shoulders and that seemed to help a lot, so i’m thinking i slept in a bad position.

then i went back upstairs and whined to myself about my therapy homework. i did more “self care” research and added a few more posts to my queue. and i talked with some discord guys a little bit. then i caught up on my self esteem journal and picked out one of my “short term goals” from my hospital-issued treatment plan. i used that as a base to expand on for my goal worksheet. i finished all that around 11 so then i got started on the owl picture for 40 minutes or so. now i am 35 minutes into my journal entry, which puts me at a comfortable time to finish up and try to sleep. i got another 10 minutes before i hit my target “get ready for bed” time.

my group mates and therapist expressed interest when i let slip that i like to draw on monday. the therapist asked what i draw. i wasn’t sure how to answer... “furries” isn’t really something i wanted to get into. and i haven’t drawn my own characters except for a reference for one of the art trades in a long time. i suppose i should post the uncolored version of that since i scanned it in and haven’t worked on it with the tablet yet.

so i just said “characters and people.” i like landscapes, but i have trouble spending enough time on them to really get into the details. i’m hoping the coloring pages will help loosen up my patience so i might start feeling like spending a million hours on one picture again. it’s been a couple years since i did anything complicated.

i’m thinking about maybe taking my sketch book... but i don’t want to spend a lot of time on explaining what the picture is of when i have more urgent things to work on.

tomorrow i have more things to do! i NEED to work on the welcome packet for ufl. i need to scan in a bunch of stuff, like my immunization records and my doctors’ notes for my refund file. i need to send an email to the preliminary test coordinator to figure out how to proceed with my studying... i need to know how much to panic about this. then after group therapy i need to drop off my sister’s old prescriptions at the police station. that won’t take too long. if i got energy i’d like to organize my desk and maybe also tidy up my room a little bit. write some things down to put in the jar. then i will work on my self esteem journal, continue reading through the self care resources i’ve got open in a million tabs, and work on the coloring page a little bit. that sounds good. and at some point i need to write my 1- to 2-paragraph essay for the refund. and also i gotta email my apartment complex about stuff like the bed size and some cupboard dimensions and whether there’s a microwave and stuff like that. some of those things i’m pretty sure i can just look up somewhere.

i think i can manage those things. the student orientation videos might have to wait until thursday but i can compile the paperwork and read the faqs and stuff. none of these tasks take long by themselves. so as long as i remember to take little breaks and stay motivated i think i can get it done and not have to worry about it so much any more.

ok, it is 12:30, which is only 5 minutes after my target time! i’m gonna do the daily pokemon stuff for 2-3 minutes and then get ready for bed. gotta practice giving myself credit for reaching/working on goals and stuff, even when i don’t want to.

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