#she is sooooooooooo pretty lord

[c6jpg]

xianyun ⟡ vibrant harriers aloft in spring breeze

[seyaryminamoto]

If Azula had defected from the fire nation along with Zuko, do you think she would have been crowned fire lord in the finale? Imo, she would've been better suited for that role since she was obviously much more surrounded by police than Zuko was since she was never banished, and she shows good leadership and decision making in the show. She's also a lot more level headed than Zuko is, which is something that I think a good ruler needs.

Well... it's a complicated situation tbh. As far as competence and preparation are concerned, I agree entirely that Azula is far more ready for the role of Fire Lord than Zuko is. I've mentioned in other asks that Zuko's growth was personal, and while it's okay that he was intended to become a better person, that's only the first step towards becoming a good leader. Azula's successes and achievements suggest she's, indeed, a mess as a person but a lot more aware of what it takes to be a leader than her brother is.

Other arguments can be made in Azula's favor, such as that the Fire Nation people, unless the Final Agni Kai was made public (and in this case, you're suggesting a setting where the Agni Kai doesn't happen, outright), would likely have a more favorable opinion of Azula than of Zuko for the reasons you bring up. Her public perception is bound to be much better than his, she's bound to be known by nobles and military figures, so yes, she has a lot in her favor.

This being said...

I admit that I wasn't sure what to do with this particular dilemma when I wrote a very similar setting to the one you're proposing. Azula indeed ended up defecting from the Fire Nation in one of my stories in Sokkla Saturdays, Matching Heartbeats #5 + Underneath Starlit Skies #3, where she initially becomes a prisoner of the Gaang and ends up turning her life around by bonding with four dorks (especially with a certain boomerang dork with a similar sense of humor to her own) and realizing her father stands no chance against Aang in the Avatar State. This, eventually, results in her also identifying and coming to terms with the indoctrination of the Fire Nation upon seeing similar situations of indoctrination in Ba Sing Se... and in the end, she is pretty much completely reformed, redeemed, on board with Team Avatar and practically leading it with Sokka.

But when things came to a head... I found myself in a bit of an awkward situation. While it made sense for Azula to be Fire Lord... it also made sense for her not to want to be Fire Lord, upon reaching this point in her journey. She knew she had much left to learn, and she found she had changed and improved things for other people while being out in the field, achieving far more things than she ever did back when she was only Ozai's preferred heir. The concept of continuing to travel with her friends and her boyfriend made so much sense to her, especially when there were three possible candidates for the throne at that point (Azula, Zuko and Iroh). Truth is... I do love me some Fire Lord Azula, but I can't shake off this wicked worm of wickedness that suggests Azula would probably be in a much healthier place if she's just not assuming that her sole purpose in life and in the world is becoming Fire Lord. She could do amazing growth away from the throne, just as she could do it on the throne too... but if she's not there, she gets to put more distance between herself and the toxicity of the Fire Nation. She gets to have much more of a life, I'd say, than Zuko would if he becomes Fire Lord while she gets to have more or less freedom from such pressures.

Sooooooooooo...

My ultimate answer is yes, of course Azula could be Fire Lord instead of Zuko. I don't know if Zuko would accept that easily because he's absolutely convinced this is his birthright (... which it's not, it was Lu Ten's, Zuko has only believed the throne would be his since he was 11, supposedly), but if you don't have Azula in the throes of a breakdown that drives her out of control, the likelihood is Azula would defeat him in an Agni Kai if they truly want to fight over a throne. But... is it what's best for Azula? I won't even pretend that I don't think it's not what's best for the Fire Nation, I do believe it would be x'D maybe some could argue that Azula being Zuko's advisor could be better? But frankly, if someone truly thinks she'd be a good advisor they're inadvertently admitting she would be a good ruler just as well, it's pretty naïve to pretend that being an advisor is the only role she could have. Still... is this what will be best for Azula in the end?

I think it really hinges on how a writer wants to develop Azula's character, more than anything. My take in that particular AU was for her to end up finding she had so much more to explore and see in the rest of the world, and to acknowledge that the Fire Nation actually had never been as fulfilling and grand for her as traveling with her friends became. None of her bonds with people in the Fire Nation proved as strong and true as the ones she built with people from other nations. Thus... it made sense for her to feel a strong pull towards something other than the throne.

I'd even argue it's healthy that she doesn't want the throne desperately xD it's one of my main complaints over Zuko, he barely ever seems to consider the possibility of a future beyond the throne, if he ever did. It makes me feel his growth would be best suited by making him find purpose OUTSIDE the throne too, but I don't even know if he'd ever accept that? Anyway, bottom line is both Zuko and Azula probably would be in healthier places away from the throne if you really think about it. Who's better suited for it? Azula is certainly a better leader and better perceived by their people than Zuko would be (realistically speaking, that is). Zuko is older so in virtue of being the traditional firstborn child, he has a claim on the throne, and he's supposed to be the better person between them, so some people could argue that, if Azula defects without proper build-up, he'd have grown more by then than she would have, I guess? And he'd be more ready to cut ties with Ozai's legacy than Azula? Hence why they'd argue he'd be the better choice...?

... But frankly, I would say that both of them, at optimal situations, would do well on the throne. Admittedly, I don't think Zuko is at his optimal situation as he is in canon. Azula, of course, isn't at all at an optimal place in canon either. Working together could be a nice compromise but it would be a very idealistic one, and one that would require the two of them to grow up A LOT, to not be so prone to conflict and to really work together for the greater good :'D so it would take not only a proper redemption from the two of them but a ton of extra growth in which they'd both learn to be better siblings.

So yes, I believe Azula would be a great Fire Lord if given the choice and chance. I do believe the Fire Nation would thrive under Azula's rule, I have absolute confidence in her ability to steer the Fire Nation in the right path. I'm also highly Zuko-critical as everyone knows, ergo, I don't believe he's "fated" for a throne, nor do I think that his development in the show entitles him to a throne, nor do I think he's grown in every sense he really had to... so I don't adscribe at all to the belief that the throne was only ever meant for him because that's a really boring way to interpret the world. Like I've said before, the throne should have gone to Iroh after Azulon dies. Then to Lu Ten. Then to Lu Ten's children, if he'd had any. I love me my chaotic and interesting Fire Nation Royal Family, but I don't believe either Azula or Zuko were fated for a throne: thus why it's much more important for me that they grow up enough to become proper leaders, capable of handling the pressures of the role and truly guiding the Fire Nation out of the gross mess it's in over the war. Either one could have been Fire Lord, both had arguments in their favor (unfortunately, I fear tradition would have demanded Zuko became Fire Lord solely because male firstborn, which... bleh), and I will always believe Azula would have been an excellent Fire Lord if she's redeemed and at her best.

Still, I'd very much love it if either one taking the throne would have a chance to find purpose BEYOND that throne, and to have an identity OUTSIDE that throne, before becoming Fire Lord. That, personally, would be my take on the matter :'D No idea if I'm not being clear enough but I'm saying that yes, Azula could have done it, someone could absolutely write a setting where that happens (hell, I nearly did XD), but I would prefer it if a throne is not her sole motivation in life. All in all, being king, emperor, Fire Lord or what-have-you is a major responsibility. It's only a reward if you're a privileged asshole who has no idea how much impact your every choice would have on thousands of people, or has some idea but outright doesn't care about that and only is focusing on their own advancement, titles and achievements :'D hence, I really believe Azula could do it, but I do think proper growth for her character would be best served by showing her that she can achieve great things whether there's a five-pronged hairpiece on her head or not.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 12.07.18 lb

hahahahaha guess i’m back on my bullshit again lord jesus why do i have as much backbone as a chocolate eclair.

couldn’t this bf of anika’s dress up a lil when coming for rishta pakka karofying? she’s sitting there dressed like a goddess and he’s like in his nonsense bread-anda khareedne waala outfit. PUT SOME EFFORT DUDE. AT LEAST MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU DESERVE THE GIRL?

speaking of someone who’s putting in a lotta undue effort....

lmao yeah PRINKU’s shaadi is definitely NOT the one he’s upset about rn.

HI MUNCHKIN. U SO PRETTY. *kisses screen*

ouff shivaay, acknowledge the presence of the superior baby sister in your life henceforth! THIS IS THE BABY SISTER JACKPOT!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah this universe ka shivaay is def more tameezdaar than the hellion of the previous timeline.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THIS DUDE’S FACE AT BEING THE RECIPIENT OF SHIVAAY’S 0.3 SECOND STINK EYE.

yeahhhhhhhh nikhil’s lucky he’s not a pile of dust on the ground, the way this one is looking at him...

oh daaaaaaang, he’s taking the roke ka chunari as a sign and shizzzz?

i don’t blame him. gosh look at her, she looks like a dreaaaaaam.

OK THIS SOUNDTRACK IS THE WORST THE ABSOLUTE WORST. IT MAKES ME WANT TO POKE MY EYE OUT WITH A RUSTY FORK.

could you fuckers either put the laddoo down or eat it??? or pass it on here to someone who can really use a sweet treat rn (me.)

........ you guys i’m not USED to shivaay being this mellow and polite and .... acting like a CIVILIZED human being. it’s hella weird.

“mr. oberoi... please yeh shaadi tod deejiye.”

LOL SHE’S TALKING ABOUT PRINKU’S WEDDING BOO. DON’T GET IT TWISTED.

ohohohoho pattttttt jawaaab ki WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOUR MAN IS SO “RIGHT”. THERE’S ONLY ONE MAN WHO’S “RIGHT” HERE AND IT’S ME I’M YOUR MR. RIGHT MARRY ME AND TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE AGAIN YOU BEAUTIFUL CREATURE FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVEEEEEE

like, i appreciate his angst and puppy eyes and shit, but the thing is it’s waaaaaaay too premature and unfounded for him to be questioning her marriage to someone else. he doesn’t know her, like.... AT ALL. (compared to his reaction when she’d said yes to daksh in the Original Universe, where he’d known her for months and months, and who she really IS as a person.)

“mr. oberoi...” “Shivaay. mera naam Shivaay hai. naam se toh bula sakti ho na.”

daaaaaaaaang the puppy eyes and familiarity and the longing for her to treat him as an equal.

not one moment does he take his eyes off her. even when nikhil is talking to him, or when he’s acknowledging him. FULL ON EYE-SEXING ANOTHER MAN’S GIRL RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. NOW THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL BDE.

(god i hate myself for the sentence i just wrote.)

lol man he hates nikhil’s guts sooooooooooo much.

yeah new prinku is just as underwhelming as the old one. i literally do not care about you, girl. hatttttttt.

lel thanks for rubbing it in, prinku.

lol he’s also such a dheeent. majaaal hai jo ainvayi ke liye bhi congrats bol de.

my god he really cannot stop with the eye-sex.

lol he hates prinku getting friendly with her but also wants her to treat him as equals and oh shivaay what are we going to do with youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

ohohohoho shitia engagement also today.

yeah literally no one cares about your approval for nikhil’s name, prinku. please go be irrelevant somewhere else.

yeah i really don’t like this not-tuned-into-the-obro-channel waala shivaay. it was the single redeeming factor of his character, how much he was into his brothers.

i am omRu. so confused and blah-ed out by this weird shivaay.

LMAO HIS “GOD HELP ME SHE’S STILL ON THIS BS” FACE

oh ho new funky transition graphics. fucking y tho.

pffffffffffft nice attempt to divert her attention.

.... is anika a better cook in this universe or are we in for a 100 kg of uneatable laddoos???

OH SNAP. MOOHTOD JAWAAB. YAAAS QUEEN!!!!!!!

“oh fuck y am i so turned on by that??????”

this is literally the dumbest shit everrrrrrrrrr, anika. just call like 10 diff. halwaais and ask for 10 kg each? godddddd, why are you so dumbbbbbbbbb in addition to being so khuddaar?????

looks like Original Universe Gauri ke “internet chachi” ways are Anika’s here.

still confusedly turned on by this display of dheentai.

um those laddoos look hella uneven. but whatever, you go girl.

dadi is gonna be like THE HELL BILLU???????? WTF AM I TO DO WITH THESE 100 KG OF NO-NAME AMATEUR LADDOOS???? when she sees them and then he’s in for it. both from dadi and anika.

love me my little angry chirraiyya! GIVE HER MORE TO DO TF. AINVAYI IS GHAR MEIN IS CHAACHI KE SAATH DAALA HUA HAI.

YAS GAURI TELL HER THAT SHE DOESN’T NEED TO DO THIS BS.

wtf is this chachi just waltzing in, yelling.

@ ME FOR REACHING BUT SHIVAAY’S EYES DEFINITELY SOFTENED AT GAURI. #SHIVRI4EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR

also his brief anger flare-up seeing the way chachi talks to anika. beta you gotta learn to conceal your feel more.

bro howwwwwww the fuck did she even make.... you know what... never mind.

aaaaand he’s mad at himself again. for hurting her. AGAIN.

TOH NAA KIYA KAR NA, AISA HARAAMIPANN. THAT’S HOW THE REST OF US GO ABOUT LIFE NOT CONSTANTLY FEELING GUILTY.

i hate this chachi, but then i remember the absolute trashfire of a person that sundari bua was and this one is infiiiiiiiiiiiinitely better.

“uske liye bas yehi important hai ki mere haath mein uski ring ho.”

BILLU’S EARS HAVE PERKED UP. AND HE’S MENTALLY ALREADY MADE UP HIS MIND THAT THE ONLY RING THAT’S GOING ON THAT PYAARA SUJA HUA HAATH IS HIS, SO HELP HIM GOD.

oh shit i didn’t think he’d stop her right NOW to do it!!!!!!

fuck how to say no to THESE PUPPY EYES.

BILLU KI SAGAIIIIIIIIIIII HOGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. BILLU RING PEHNAAYEGA. BILLU LADKI LE JAYEGAAAAAAAA. BILLU BILLU BILLLU!!!!!

ouff, i really don’t care about these two losers in this fucking universe either. GIVE ME RIKARA YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.

.... is universe mein bhavya traffic police hai kya?

he was talking on the handsfree tho? uske liye kaise chalaan katega?

so bhavya is a ainvaayi ka shady cop with no scruples in this universe? cool. cool cool cool.

i kinda like that rudra is a little more assertive and not such a damn dumbass tho?

THIS FUCKING CHACHI. ISKI TOH MAIN....

thank goddddddd gauri is still a badass in this universe. can i have more of her plz? kicking ass and taking names? hopefully tag-teaming with di to beat the fuck outta daksh? or even future jiju coz he’s surely going to do something to really deserve it in about.... 2 weeks.

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT HAND ALREADY HAS A RINGGGGGGGG. BILLU’S ALREADY BEEN HERE AND STAKED HIS CLAIM.

[fuck-customers]

it's sad how many shitty people stories i've collected over the span of like two weeks

Some gems of a customer I have had recently:

The lady who comes up to my counter with a couple of basic-ass mechanical pencils and DEMANDS the date the sale on them ended, since ofc, “these were on sale just a couple of days ago!!!!” Our sales mostly run weekly, so I explain they had ended the night before (Saturday) and we had put out new sales for this week already (Sunday). Lady gets huffy, refuses to buy full-price mechanical pencils. Whatever.

The old cranky lady who is shocked by the obscene .14 cents a page charge for full-service black and white copies, and says as she’s flouncing her ass out the door, “Next time I’m going to [competitor]; they’ll do it for free!” Like, good, we don’t want your cranky ass and also that’s probably why they’re going out of business?!?? Also it’s cheaper if your dumb ass could figure out how use the self-serve machines.

The lady who tells me she has a tax-exempt code for our local university AFTER the transaction has processed and I can no longer go back. Of course, she that means she also has contract pricing she neglected to mention. I tried to do a “return” and re-apply the code, took me two tries due to how the system is set up, but didn’t seem to work, manager came and got it figured out in the end. THEN she comes back like a day later and says she got the contract pricing but not the tax removed after further receipt inspection, needs it removed per her employer. Very snippy the whole time, as if it wasn’t HER fault she didn’t tell me about her exemption at literally any stage in the transaction until I couldn’t do anything about it. Different manager was working when she came back, and I don’t know what he did, but after I figured out how to fix the problem, had to do a bunch more fixes because he somehow made it worse until I had explained what had happened initially, because Lord knows, the dumb lady didn’t fucking understand anything, so I’m sure she couldn’t explain properly.

Annnnnd this one made me and my manager laugh so hard we couldn’t stop for a solid minute: lady calls just before 2pm, asks about having flyers made. I tell her we do make flyers, and she asks if we could bundle them by grade level for this event. I tell her probably, but it might take longer if so. She asks how long, because she needs them done by 4pm that day. I’m already thinking it’s not happening since a) both our full-time regular print employees are no longer employed and b) I know they’ve been swamped back there all day. So I ask how many she needs, saying, if it’s a small amount, we might be able to do them by four. She says, oh it’s not a small amount. I ask again how many. She says five or six…THOUSAND. That’s right, she thought we could do 5 or 6 THOUSAND flyers in 2 hours with no notice or prior design work or anything. I told her, definitely not happening, sorry. She says okay, hangs up, and I die laughing at the sheer IGNORANCE. I knew she’d probably be calling every print shop in town asking and they were all gonna tell her IMPOSSIBLE in that timeframe. AND THEN SHE CALLS BACK. Maybe 10 minutes later. Asks if we could do 400 flyers…I check with the print people, they say no not with what they’ve already got going on and with her not even being there yet or anything. She then sighs very heavily, asks about 200…we probably could have done, but my manager said to tell her no, since we did have four fairly large projects ahead of her and it was such short notice. It’s just so wild she thought she could have hundreds, or even thousands, of flyers printed in two hours anywhere. Serves her right though, for leaving something so heavy to the last minute. Also, she was with a swim team, and I don’t know why any high school/middle school swim event in this small city would need THAT MANY DAMN FLYERS.  Like 200 probably would’ve been a lot.

Dude comes in wearing straight-up white suspenders, red and white gingham shirt, and the classic turned-up-end mustache and hipster beard combo. I was cringing internally watching him walk in, because he was trying SO HARD TO BE COOL. But whatever, you wanna be a hipster douche, be a hipster douche. He comes up after a while with a basket full of envelopes, and I ask him if he found everything okay. He starts asking me about fancy, large size paper, but I can barely pay attention due to his put-on faux-British accent. I was stunned, because I could tell it wasn’t real from the first few words, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I send him back to the paper aisle, where my manager is waiting to assist him, and after he leaves, I ask over the radio, “That guy’s accent was totally fake, right?!” and she starts agreeing immediately, and laughing, of course. The best part? He didn’t even buy his “AHN-vehl-lohpes”!

Old dude comes in asking where our paper is, and I immediately offered the 2 for 10 paper that was right there at the register, since a) it was there and b) we do get spiff money for it. He says his wife wants something thicker than a regular piece of paper, so I proceed to tell him aisle one and watch him head that way. He pauses and looks confused right at the aisle, so I go and try to help him. Even though the aisles are numbered and aisle one is the last aisle before the end of the building, he couldn’t tell the difference between aisle 1 and aisle 3???? Anyway, I lead him to all the paper, and explain how 20 is the standard weight (and what was up front) so he probably needs the next weight or two up, like a 24 or 28 if he wants something slightly thicker. He of course, hears only the word, “standard” so he’s all, “well if it’s the standard, that should be fine,” despite my explanation to the contrary. He doesn’t know what the specific weight his wife wanted, doesn’t even know if he has an inkjet or laserjet printer, claiming it doesn’t matter (um yes it does?? If you buy the wrong kind your prints won’t work or will look like shit????). Explain the weight thing to him like three more times. Finally he goes back up front and buys the spiff paper, which probably wasn’t what his wife even wanted but whatever. I tried.

A lady comes up and asks for a price check for a large, plastic desk calendar. I scan it, tell her it’s 29.99 or something like that. She asks if the price is wrong, if it was supposed to be on clearance since she “found it on the back wall.” Now we do have clearance back there but also regularly priced stuff and it’s pretty clearly marked. I try to check using my mobi (scangun thing) but it of courses freezes so I just ask my manager over the radio. While I’m waiting for a response, I try to explain that it’s probably not on clearance, which pisses her off because it had like July 2016 through 12/16 on it, even though the other side had all of 2017 also?? She says, “If you want to sell it to me it better be, because I’m not paying that much for half a year!” even though I really don’t care whether she buys it (along with like 3 other calendars) and it does have all of this year and if you put it on a desk or a wall you wouldn’t even see the 2016 bits. Ended having the manager take off 50% for her–sooooooooooo not worth it.

Dude comes in, and he’s been in before and kind of hard to deal with ‘cause he can’t really hear and gets mad that I have to explain things a few times before he gets it, but whatever. He asks for a part for his Kodak camera. Now, we sell like 3 digital cameras and almost no accessories, all of them are Canons and we don’t sell parts for anything electronic that isn’t like a universal charger or an hdmi cable or something. Also, I think Kodak is like out of business now???  Or at least they don’t make or sell cameras anymore, let alone parts for what is probably a fairly old model. So I explain, as best as I can, that not only do we have nothing like what he’s looking for, and we don’t sell any Kodak brand stuff, but Kodak may not be able to help him due to their phasing out of camera selling. Of course, I have to explain several times, with interruptions as he keeps trying to explain what he needs even though I already had listened to him tell me several times as well. Then, once he understands we don’t sell his product, asks me to contact Kodak so they can fix his camera, and I’m just like, dude. I don’t have Kodak’s number or any contacts and we don’t send stuff to them. I have no way of helping you and I’m sorry about that, but did you really expect your local office supply store to have direct contact with a bankrupt company whose headquarters are who knows where so your camera can get fixed????

Lady comes up and sets her kid on my counter, dirty shoes and all, a kid who is definitely old enough to stand up for a minute while she pays, at least three or four. He keeps trying to grab stuff we have for sale at the register, my phone, etc., and she snaps at him a few times but is completely ineffectual. I’m already just annoyed about that, then she chooses to pay with Paypal, and like everyone else who tries that, gets mad when she doesn’t know her PIN and therefore can’t use Paypal. Acts like it’s my fault I can’t bypass it somehow. Mumbles “that’s r*tarded” under her breath, which is not only offensive, but it’s like, hon, you gotta have some way to verify your Paypal account/identity so your shit doesn’t get hacked/stolen. Get a Paypal card or learn your PIN.

Dude who tries to buy some Quickbooks software which is expensive, pulls out a card that’s clearly been through the wringer–completely faded, worn out looking strip, etc. It doesn’t have a chip, so he must swipe. It’s not really working but he’s getting angry and just repeatedly swiping really fast over and over before the machine even beeps and says it can’t read it. Asks if we can input it manually, I say no. Tries swiping again, doesn’t work asks again about inputting it by hand, asks if a manager can do it. I explain we don’t have any way of doing it, manager or no, because the pin pads or system or whatever have removed that functionality completely, which was definitely something handed down from corporate. He gets red in the face and says, “well you guys just lost a 350 dollar purchase! I’m going to [competitor]” I’d be willing to bet his shitty, maltreated, obviously in need of replacement card didn’t work there either. What kind of grown ass adult tries to blame that shit on a cashier/store when it’s obvious you just are too lazy to get your card replaced. IIRC, it was a local bank, too, so totally easy to do.

Lady comes in asking for sheets of printable personal checks. She has some generic brand box of her old product with her, which we don’t carry, but we do have exactly the same thing, compatible with the same softwares, just under our store’s-own brand. I tell her like 5 times it’s the same thing as what she has had (comparing the two boxes directly and pointing out the specifics), but of course she doesn’t really understand or know what she has/wants and doesn’t believe me. Makes me open the package and show her before she finally is satisfied, but ofc, the moment I show her our product she goes “oh! That’s exactly what I need!” Like yeah, I know, I just spent five minutes telling you it’s the same thing.

Dude comes in asking for 30-day notices, I run to grab one and realize there’s a few different varieties, run back to ask what kind, get a vague “tenants” reply and have to guess. I luckily grab the eviction warning one which is the one he wanted, but then he gets upset that it only comes with one in the package. Now, I’m not sure of the legalities of photocopying those types of things, since it’s kind of an official thing or whatever, so I don’t mention copying it in-store, but I do let him know it comes with a digital download so he can print as many as he needs. He doesn’t have internet, apparently, so I explain that the one I brought is all they’re sold as, singles + the download but he could maybe use the library and print for free there? He did buy it but it’s like, dude…figure it out or don’t buy it but don’t get upset over something digital because it’s 2017 and that is a thing. Also how many tenants are you sending 30-day eviction warning notices to at a time anyhow???

The old dude who interrupted himself halfway through telling me his phone number rewards to tell me all the things he’s bought recently while I stood there with a fake smile waiting to input the other four digits while he rambles on.

And I swear to whoever, if I hear any more complaints about the price of faxes, chair mats, or ink, I am gonna Do a Murder. Learn how to email if you don’t like paying for expensive faxing! If you can afford an expensive chair (i.e. the ones that actually need the mats) then you can afford the mat. Otherwise, you probably don’t need one. And yes, ink is expensive–so print at the library for free! Or buy a cheaper printer that takes cheaper ink! Or get a freaking laser printer so you only have to buy toner once like every nine months so even if it’s expensive it’s more worth it! But I don’t set prices! Nobody does! It’s all corporate controlled! We don’t even get to pick our own air conditioning levels! Stop complaining to me and arguing with me, a part-time cashier who works in a store over two thousand miles away from headquarters, about the damn prices!!!!!!!!!

[bearhyog-blog]

{ OOC }

So... I’ve been missing. I needed some time for myself, I was really down and I just wanted to take a break from existing basically. I haven’t kept in touch with anyone, not even picking up the phone from grandma. I don’t know why specifically but I can tell you what has been happening in my life lately.

But before all that, I just want to take the time to thank you for keeping me up to date with your life and for always remembering me. I received your present last Friday and that made me sooooooooooooooooooooo happy. You have no idea, my favourite thing to colour is animals ^^ also, mom LOVED her calender, she hung it up on our living room and told me to thank you while complimenting your kindness and “foolishness” from wasting money on her. So thank you, thank you very much for your words, your actions and the postcards! They’re really well thought out and it makes my heart warm to know that I have someone who loves me, even if we’re far apart.

Where do I begin though.

As you know, I’ve been promised a job. I’m still waiting for it because the guy is so utterly busy he just can’t find the time to make videos with me. I don’t know, I’m disappointed I guess. Again. Mom also talked to the lady who was going to give me a ton of work and she also said she’s too busy. I might have a shot at teaching english 101 but the burocracy is crazy and idek how to handle situations like that, its all so complicated, my god. So I’ve been a little sad regarding that. But hey! I finished my portfolio if you wanna check it out. I’ll be adding stuff to it as I make more stuff. Here’s the link:  https://marquesara.wixsite.com/portfolio

What else is new? Ah! Since I’ve been feeling so lost and just down, I took on a little project. At first, it was going to be a turtle but the money to keep one is sooooooo much that I decided on dwarf hamsters. They’re very cute. They’re also kinda boring because they don’t interact with us but eh they’re nice to look at and feed and stuff. At first I got two: Francis and Sebastian. I read online that males are usually more calm than females so I decided on two males. AND I build their cage out of a plastic storage box, that wood flooring they have, cardbox as bed and stairs a wheel, a bird nest and feeding / drinking objects. It gave me a purpose, you know? And I was a little happier for a little while. They now live in my closet because my cats are crazy killers and they don’t leave the poor things alone. So during the day I leave the door open from the closet so they can see sunlight while I keep the door to my room closed so they can’t get in. At night I close the closet and leave the door open for the cats if they want to sleep on my bed. Oh! But that’s not all. I went back for a third mouse because the box was just so big for 2 little creatures. When I got to the store I said I wanted to take one more and the lady went. “We have two here but one is not for sale because he doesn’t have a leg so we can’t sell that one.” but I had noticed that one of the hamsters I had home had a limp so I told her that and she apologized and said I could take it back and they’d give me the money back for it. I said no way! The creature is no less of a creature because it has a limp! So the lady said she would offer me one hamster instead. I agreed to that (duh) but I saw that there was only one left in the cage so I told her I’d take that one too so he wouldn’t be alone. So now I have four hamsters living in my room. Oh! The others’ names are Aiden and Josh. They’re all named after characters from shows I love hahaha

Still on the animal train, we have Lolita! Lolita is a very pretty, young cat who gave birth to three kittens last month. She belongs to a friend of grandma’s and the poor cat got pregnant basically because the woman won’t sterilize her and she didn’t want to hear the cat whine so she let her free. Someone found her on the street, shaking, quivering in fear under a car and with major weight loss. Instantly, I wanted to take Lolita from that woman. And I might. I’m going to propose to her that I take her to the vet and do an aids test on her. I can’t add an aids cat in my family but I can help with the kittens. Mom wants to adopt one so we might just do that. Or take them all to the vet for responsible adoptions, because wtf... People are so selfish. I spent a whole hour in her house with Lolita and her kittens. Lolita is so gentle and thin and her cubs are still so small they can’t even meow sometimes. One is black and white, the other is white with brown spots and the other one is white and bege. They’re ALL adorable. But this kind of thing triggers me. I know I can’t be the super hero, saving all the animals but that makes me sad and just bleh.

Moving onward, in a talk with mom she said I had my savings from my childhood in the house and not in the bank anymore and it was a decent amount so instead of just worrying about the future all the time and seeing mom getting so stressed about money, I took her with me to the mall nearest, to Primark so we could both get some new clothes. She was really happy so we went once again days later. I paid for all of it. It wasn’t much but it was something we could never afford if it wasn’t for the savings since mom isn’t doing so well in her job. Anyway, I got sunglasses from dad that cost 25 CENTS!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, that’s how cheap that store is. You can get amazing deals. He was so happy for the random present hahahaha. I also then took a little more cash out of the envelope and told mom to come with me to a store nearby where the supermarket is, she was confused and asked why so I asked her “black, white or gold”? She was even more confused but on our way there she yells “YOU’RE NOT BUYING ME A PHONE ARE YOU?”. Let’s just say mom’s phone belongs in the 1700s and it has a lot of issues. So I searched online and I got a great deal from that store. Mom was FLOORED. It was nice to see. She’s been so down too so I wanted to cheer her up a bit! And it worked, she loved the phone. It’s no Terminator but it works fine, so ^^

I also got you a couple cute things but idk when I’ll be sending them because our post office is working like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! I’m super mad at them. Remember when I told you I had some stuff from ebay coming? ONE IS STILL NOT HERE DUE TO A TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY. I was so pissed at them I emailed them to insult the crap out of them. Sigh. I hope it comes back soon or I’ll destroy the company with my screams.

Mom bought me an aloe vera plant.

I started washing my hair with shampoo after 1 year of flour. It’s organic, biologic and plant-based blah blah so that I can finally not have flour in my hair all the time but still don’t damage it with chemicals. I didn’t even know such things existed LOL but at the mall I saw this store glowing green and checked it out and NOW I AM FREE OF FLOUR HAHAHAHAHAH

In the meantime, I went to two funerals. No one I knew personally but they were family of family, you know? It made me remember to pray, I had forgotten the words hahahaha. And I like churches, they look old and historical and smell wooden-y hahahaahah I’m an idiot.

Anyway, basically I just dug myself a hole and covered it. I’m ready to resurface now, bit by bit. Thank the lord for TV series. Spoiler alert, Jon Snow sleeps with a very hot woman. LOL But what’s really got me going is this series called Being Human and it’s SOOOOOOOOOOO good. It’s about a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost who live together. They’re all friends against their species “rules”. It’s so dramatic and violent and romantic and emotional and omg I just want to marry Josh, he’s my little Teddy Bear. You should check it out! I think you’d like it. Don’t watch the UK version, that SUCKS. Watch the US remake. Ughhhhhhhh. I even wrote fanfiction about me and Josh HAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA It’s silly but when you’re by yourself that’s what you do.

I just... I really can’t explain it. I fell like Alice in Wonderland (idk if you’ll get the reference or if you saw the movie) but she falls down this hole in the ground and there’s all sorts of things she sees around her like tea pots and chess tables and singing butterflies AS SHE FALLS (more like floats down). And then I felt trapped, I didn’t know which way to go. Should I wait for work here, should I just pack my things and go to Ireland? It’s all so blurry and I think the anxiety of it all caught up to me.

Which reminds me! I upped my meds and they’re working well :)

What else...

Hmmm, oh I have the flu -_- I think I caught it from a kid at dad’s house the other day I went there to have dinner with them. I feel like I weigh 1000000000000kg but it’s all physical, you know? Clogged nose, horrible dry cough, bit of a fever. Nothing that won’t cure itself. 

I think that’s all there is to tell, actually. The rest of my days I just spend watching shows with mom, sleeping the day away because the meds make me sleepy, walking Mel, taking naps, and more naps. Oh right! And I’m doing therapy too. They stopped the OCD therapy for now because I believe I’m in a good place right now, controllable state that I don’t need a doctor to continue with my treatment for that. But now we’re going all the way back to my childhood and why I only have nightmares and why do I dream of the same guy over and over who I didn’t even date but like... it was a crush in MIDDLE SCHOOL. She basically said I’m emotionally damaged (what a surprise) and that led to consequences such as not liking men unless they’re fictional. But we just started on that so we’ll see where this goes. I think that put me down too, I had to write about every guy I had been involved even at 12 years old and I hated remembering all those times and people and that ALSO contributed to me not being in the brightest of mood.

Then I tried joining a RP as JB from GOT7 because he’s a hot piece of ass. I was on like 7 different dates, not even kidding but I lost interest because they were too easy. I left and joined as Yeeun. No one talked to me so I left again and came back as Ken and his ex from a rp like... two years ago is there and it’s so awkward I just stopped showing. 

And that has been my life!

You have no idea how much I’ve missed you and I wanted to talk to you but I just didn’t have the strength... I’m sorry about that and for not being there when you needed me, I truly feel so bad. But I’m here now okay? And I’ll even rewind here so that we don’t clog the messenger feed (which we tend to do a lot)