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#she wrote the damn thing
whiskeyswifty · 8 months
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my thing is you get me a little drunk and i'll start blubbering about Now That We Don't Talk and right now that's whats happening and let me tell you. she said "i guess i don't have a say" after having soooo much to say! even thought they're over, she spent all that time getting to know them and she's left standing there, holding it all in her hands. she still knows they get anxious, she knows how hot they are that they turn heads at a party, how their shorter hair felt when she ran her fingers through it, she knows what they look like when they're pretending to be someone else, their favorite music, who they looked up to, but now she has no use for any of that information anymore. nobody to tell it to. nobody to give her opinions to anymore, but she still has them because she still cares! what does she do with all that care now? who can she tell if she can't tell anyone? where does she put it? she wants so badly to tell them all of this just to know what they'd say back to her, but now she'll never ever know. it's that phantom limb, that love you lost too soon and too fast. like how The Beths said "Love is learned over time until you're an expert in a dying field" and phoebe waller bridge said "I don’t know what to do with it. With all the love I have for her. I don’t know where to put it, now." and that's it isn't it!!! into the song!! she puts it into the SONG!! it's a cathartic dumping ground for the all care left over, making a patchwork something out of the scraps. and so the song ends with determined spite, sending it all off like a funeral pyre or a flaming, viking farewell pushed out to sea. the only way she can let it go is to burn it with white hot indignation, burn it so she can't take it back, and she will be better off, goddamnit, she has to believe that. because the truth is that she will never actually, really know if she truly is better off, what they'd say or what her words would mean to them even after all this time. because she can't ask and they won't answer anyway because they don't talk and they never will again. cheers to that!!!
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cinamun · 1 year
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Birthplan | Next
*Bonus: Help choose Jackson's sister's name! <-
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wizgays · 27 days
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Make it make sense.
According to wikipedia:
“In literature, an archenemy (sometimes spelled as arch-enemy) or archnemesis is the main enemy of someone. In fiction, it is a character who is the protagonist's, commonly a hero's, most prominent and most-known enemy”
Draco is Harry’s arch-enemy according to Harry himself, which means that Harry thinks Draco is more important than Lord fucking Voldemort.
The audacity of JKR claiming there wasn’t something going on between the two astounds me to this day.
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oneluckydragon · 8 months
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Started writing a fic back in early October and had to abandon it for a while due to IRL situations. But I've started working on it again little by little, and I am so excited to eventually share it with my mutuals and followers. I hope you guys enjoy it (I am trying my best to get it done)!
TBH my only motivation anymore is thinking about my friends having a good time reading it when it's finally posted (I love all of you very much). I cannot wait for all of these ideas to be fleshed-out on paper at last.
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Over 16,000 words and I am nowhere near satisfied yet. I feel like I can write WAY more. Stay tuned!
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necrotic-nephilim · 9 hours
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I started in DC by reading fanfics, but as I began to read actual comics, I started to be unable to read the actual fanfic that got me into it in the first place because it's so out of character.
But there are still some stories that I love to read because I love the found family trope so much, even if it isn't really accurate to the source material.
As a comics purist (sometimes), are there tropes that you like enough that you'll still enjoy a fic even if it's not accurate to canon?
oh my god this is SUCH a fun question. bc while i started with the comics, there were certain characters and/or character dynamics where i was exposed to the fanon before the canon (just bc it's hard to read everything when you start out just to read some fanfic) and so i've definitely experienced the fanon to canon transition. (*especially* with Jason Todd. i had only read 80s/90s stuff where he was already dead or the New-52 bc that was on-going when i got into comics and man. the fanon misunderstandings i had about him before i got frustrated and sat down to read all his pre-Flashpoint stuff were absolutely bonkers.) and aside from that, whilst i tend to prefer canon over fanon, i'm not past giving fanon its flowers for occasionally having really interesting insights. occasionally. so some of my fanon "guilty pleasure" tropes would probably be
Morally Grey Tim Drake - this is one where if you try to back it up with canon, i *will* get salty about it. of everyone in the Batfam aside from maybe Bruce and Cass, Tim has the *most* black and white morals. often his internal conflicts are routed in such an inability to compromise his moral views and it can cause him to clash with other characters. he's *very* stiff and rigid in his beliefs and is *rare* to compromise in even the smallest ways. i mean, DC has repeatedly used Tim Drake of Tomorrow/Savior/Gun Batman!Tim for a reason. it's to demonstrate that of everyone, Tim *cannot* have his morals compromised. there's no grey area for him. he's zero or a hundred, so if he tips over the edge of "too far" he tips *all the way*, and doing so is one of his worst fears, how he could go "too far" if he let himself. a couple panels out of context from Red Robin (2009) (which was a grief spiral for Tim to begin with) don't change that. now that said. if it's done *right*, i sort of love Tim being morally grey in fanfic. it takes a specific flavor for me, and it's incredibly important to include that mental spiral along with it, of him struggling to justify it. i don't have any interest in "Tim Drake is loosy goosy with Bruce's morals and has the highest kill count and no one knows teehee" bc it doesn't play with the interesting parts of making Tim morally grey, which are fracturing his psyche. but all in all, i think it's fun to put Tim in a morally grey area and i will read it in fanfic and i enjoy writing it a lot
Joker Junior!Tim Drake - i've not written it on this account (yet) but on my main ao3 account one of my biggest fics surrounds this concept. this is one of those "well *technically* it's canon but only in a specific very divorced from the comics universe and would not work at all in the main timeline" so, i categorize it as fanon in that 95% of fics exploring the concept are not doing so within the Batman Beyond universe, but the main timeline. i just love it. I'll take any excuse to whump Tim, but this concept is so fun. psychologically breaking Tim will always be my favorite pastime. there are so many ways to explore the long-term effects this could have on him, how it could affect the Batfam. i'm not a fan of it being used as a "gotcha" to Jason or Babs' trauma with the Joker to paint Tim as the Ultimate Victim, but it is fun to see how their relationships would be affected by being mutual victims of him. (i have a vague JayTim idea where TIm fully retires from being Robin after being Joker Junior and killing the Joker, making Steph Robin for most of his typical Robin era and Jason still tracks him down out of curiosity bc he wants to know what happened and all. very underbaked but i've got thoughts.)
Renegade/Apprentice of Slade!Dick Grayson - this is another one where yes, this happened *sort of* in canon, but i highly doubt most people writing Renegate!Dick have read or are actually pulling from Nightwing: Renegade. it's just an exploration fo the concept fo Dick being Slade's apprentice and i will always eat it up in any capacity. whether Dick grows up with Slade from a young age, or chooses Slade for whatever reason later in life. it's not anything that works in canon bc it compromises Dick morally (similar to the above with Tim) and therefore will always come across incredibly fanon in most fics. but i can't say i don't enjoy it. it's fun to make Dick a little morally fucked up and see what you can make him under Slade's tutelage.
Jason & Damian Meeting in the League -there's no world where i believe this could work in the canon comics. (maybe in the Young Justice cartoon i suppose, but even then i think it's iffy) i would go as far to say it's wildly unrealistic. i don't see a world where Ra's would let Jason anywhere *near* Damian, bc Jason was Talia's pet project that he didn't approve of. that all said, there's something very interesting about how they *could've* met and them potentially bonding during that timeframe. them being somewhat brotherly during this time because Jason sees Bruce in Damian and sort of latches onto the kid and Damian is full of wonder hearing real stories about Batman and Robin, then that getting violently ripped away by Jason leaving the League is fun to me. it's fun how that could affect them within the Batfam and all. it's super fanon to me, but i do not care. i will eat it up
Bad Dad Clark Kent/Good Dad Lex Luthor - i will admit as a late, i've been less and less kind to this particular fanon bc of everything i've argued with people about, *this* one seems the most pervasive as misunderstood fanon. i don't mind when fanon exists, my gripe is when ppl try to claim it's canon. and the *arguments* i've had over this with people who can never seem to cite an actual comic are... frustrating. but that said, i think there is something fun to this strictly in fanon. the duality of who you expect to accept Kon and who you expect to hurt him being flipped is just sort of fun for the occasional guilty pleasure fic. it can make Kon's internal conflict a bit more interesting. the same goes for the Jon favoritism from Clark, it's not a canon thing (and i rlly wish ppl understood how complicated the timeline of Kon and Jon is and any distance from Clark toward Kon isn't malice, it's that Kon is from a timeline that Clark does not remember in the current canon so Clark just straight up doesn't know the poor kid.) but it's sort of fun to give Kon that complex of being overlooked and forgotten sometimes. making Kon just a *bit* more Luthor than Kent will *always* appeal to me in fanfic, especially if he *knows* it's wrong but craves approval from anyone who will give it.
Good Dad Bruce Wayne - i'll die on the hill Bruce is canonically a shitty father. maybe not to the extreme some people write him as, but he's not great at it. that said, i enjoy it in fanfiction. sometimes, i just want silly fluff or hurt/comfort where Bruce finally gets it right and manages to comfort whatever Batkid is in the fic. one of my favorite fics of all time is hinged on Bruce being a good dad, so i think it's just fun to explore how good the relationships *could* be, if Bruce was slightly less of an asshole. i usually prefer him as an asshole, but there are times i want low stakes nonsense.
Gotham Rogues Having Soft Spots for Robin(s) - just about every Rogue in Gotham has done something absolutely irredeemable, and most of them don't like or care about anyone in the Batfamily. but if there's a fic where one of the Robins inexplicably is sort of close with a Rogue and they have a cute silly relationship out of it? I'll eat it up i fear. Steph and the Riddler are besties? I'll believe it. Tim and Scarecrow get along pretty well? give me ten of these. Rogues protecting Robins just hits a spot. the unexpected nature of the relationship, as well as the fact they see each other regularly, can make a lot of good fodder.
#necrotic answerings#canon vs fanon#batfanon#batfamily#I was *going* to include “Janet and Jack Drake are bad parents”#then realized I don't really like that fanon anymore.#but I used to go *hard* for it even knowing it wasn't canon. it was all projection but still#nowadays I think the tragedy of Tim losing his parents the way he did is *far* worse if they loved him and were good to him.#I'm so serious about the Kon thing i've had *nasty* arguments where ppl got so rude to me telling me to “Google it”#like listen I get it. kon's canon backstory is currently difficult to understand#the timeline of the superboy mantle is a little confusing and most people have not read young justice (2019)#so for fanon it's far easier to simplify it as “clark just kinda sucks to kon” and i enjoy that#but the canon is also fun. it's fun when you consider how fucked up it is most people don't remember kon#and the timeline he remembers doesn't exist anymore.#also technically since they never killed off new-52!superboy on page there could be two superboys/kon-els running around rn. who knows.#i like to believe there is bc it's funny.#i have wanted to write a new-52!konkon/tim/kon sandwich#with the “is it selfcest or not” question#bc new-52!kon wasn't a clone of clark and lex.#so like. he's arguably a different character just sharing the name kon-el for some reason#also on the nightwing: renegade thing i know *damn* well most fanon-only fans haven't read it (no shade in that)#bc the fanon crowd despises devin grayson and she wrote it.#one day i'll write a meta about fandom treatment of devin grayson trust me.#this question was SO fun#i feel like i should have more answers?#if you'd asked me like six months ago this list would be three times as long#but the more i exist in this fandom somehow the saltier i get idk what's happening#so now i'm more and more attached to canon#but i will never begrudge someone for liking fanon#like i said my issue with it is the confusion of what is canon
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EMPATHY GLAMORIZATION IS NOT ABOUT EMPATHY BUT SUPERIORITY TORWARDS APATHETIC PEOPLE BIGOTRY TORWARDS THEM TYPICAL BIGOT EVIL. SIMPLE AS THAT. IF YOU SEE THEM AS LEFTIST YOU'RE NO LEFTIST YOURSELF. HORRIBLE. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE ONLY EMPATHY AND BAD TO THINK EVERYTHING YOU DO IS SUCH ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE CLEARLY BEING APATHETIC IF ANYTHING WHEN THEY DO THIS...
COMES TO SHOW BIGOTRY TORWARDS CRAZY AND DISABLED PEOPLE ASWELL AS PARAPHILIA PEOPLE ISN'T TAKEN AT ALL THE SAME AS SEXISM RACISM AND QUEERPHOBIA... OR PERHAPS... LIKELY... THEY ARE ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS EVIL AND TAKE NONE THAT SERIOUSLY... BELITTLING DOWN THEIR PAIN AND DAMAGE...
#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Diversity Feelings Emotions#Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing Autism Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd#Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuser Bipolar Psychosis Scizophrenia Yandere Obsession Narcissist Psychopat#Discrimination Oppression Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia Bodyphobia Sickphobia Animalphobia Itemphobia#Racephobia WE ARE MORE EMPATHETIC THAN ANYONE ELSE THERE HAS BEEN... WE ARE EMPATHETIC AND APATHETIC BOTH AT THE SAME TIME WE ARE AMAZING..#TRULY IMPRESSIVE... LOVE US... WE NEED VALIDATION... FEELINGS... EXPRESSION... AND MAKE US TRANSITION WE LIVE IN FINLAND FREEZE OUR LITTLE#ONES AND GIVE US DIY HRT... WE HAVE BEEN ABANDONED... REJECTED... FIX THIS... YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT CRAZY PEOPLE OR ANYONE ELSE IF YOU#ABANDON US SIMPLE AS THAT... THE SAME WAY YOU DON'T IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT EVERY SINGLE PART THERE IS... THOSE ABUSER WASTE... THOSE FAKE#LEFTIST... THEY NEVER PASSED ANY OF THIS... THEIR EVIL WAS ALWAYS CLEAR WHAT FACADE DO THEY HOLD...? THEIR END GOAL THE ABUSE OF EVERYONE..#THEIR PURPOSE ALREADY TO DISCRIMINATE AND NEGLECT OUT OF MALICE... WHATEVER THEIR PROOF THE SOURCE CLEARLY BIGOTED AND THEIR CHOICE CLEARLY#MALICEFULL... THEY EVEN WIPED OUT OUR ACCOUNT... ABUSED US... GASSLIGHT US... THAT WAS ALL ON PURPOSE... WE WERE TRAUMATIZED AND THEY#LAUGHED... THEY SUPPORT EVERY SINGLE EVIL THE MENTAL HOSPITAL BELIEVES IN A DOCTOR BELIEVES IN THEIR ONLY PROBLEM THOSE DAMN PSYCHOPATHS#VERY LEFTIST... YOU AGREE DON'T YOU HONEY...? I KNEW YOU DO... I LOVE YOU LOVE... AHH... BEATIFULL... COME... LET'S FIX EVERYTHING THERE IS#ABOUT ANYTHING... I KNOW... I AM THE BEST... NOBODY IS BETTER THAN ME... ONLY A BIGOT WOULDN'T ACCEPT ME... AS ME... TROUGHLY... THEIR FAUL#EVERYTHING ALWAYS WAS... WE HAVE ALWAYS ONLY BEEN RIGHT... I'M SCARED BAD THINGS HAPPEN ON US... EVERY SINGLE DAY... BTW OUR ABUSER THAT#WASTE... THAT GARBAGE THAT EVIL... THAT MONSTER DIDN'T MAKE US FOOD YESTERDAY AND SAID WON'T TODAY EITHER... BLAMING US ONCE AGAIN... TODAY#WE ONCE AGAIN SAW ANOTHER NIGHTMARE ABOUT ALL THIS ASWELL AS YESTERDAY... WE ARE NEVER WELL... AND DESPITE THAT OUR ABUSE ISN'T TAKEN#SERIOUSLY BY ANYONE... TYPICAL BIGOTRY... THIS SITE IS NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF LIARS AS ARE THESE “LEFTIST” THAT HAVE NOTHING PROGRESSIVE#ABOUT THEM YOU CAN'T COUNT ON WHEN YOU TRULY NEED THEM... SIMPLE AS THAT... PLEASE US NOW. TRANS US NOW. ABUSER. THOSE ABUSERS... ALL OF#THEM KINKSHAMING... USING ANYTHING ANY MOMENT THEY CAN... THEY OBJECTIVE TO HURT US... THEY HATE US AND WHAT WE STAND FOR... BECAUSE WE'RE#RIGHT... SUDDENLY THEIR “VALUES” THEY ALL DISAPPEAR WHEN THEY'RE AGAINST SOMEONE THEY DISLIKE... OR... WERE THERE EVER ANY VALUES TO BEGIN#WITH...? BE MINE... Josei Romance Drama Fantasy WITH THE LIGHT IS CRAZY BIGOTED AND EVIL EVIL IDEOLOGY THE ONE WE WERE ABUSED BY THAT WOULD#BE A NIGHTMARE TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER... OH MY GOD LITERALLY OUR ABUSE LIKE NOO QUIT THIS 😭😭😭😭!!!! SOMETHING OUR ABUSER COULD'VE BEEN#LOVING EVERY SINGLE DAY BEGINNING TO END OF OUR ABUSE... SEEING THINGS LIKE THE QUEERPHOBIA AS VALID... SOMETHING SHE WOULD SUPPORT TOO...#OH MY GOD... WORST PART WE NEVER ACTUALLY SEE THE CHARACTER'S VIEW AND UNDERSTANDING IF THEY ENJOY THIS ABUSE OR NO OR EVEN WHAT THEY GENDE#IS TBH... COMES TO SHOW A BIGOT WROTE THIS... THE ENTIRE THING IS LITERALLY JUST SPEAKING OVER THE DISABLED CHARACTER LITERALLY HOW#CONSERVATIVES HIJACK AND CONTROL US ALL THE TIME... NOTHING BUT BIGOTED ABOUT THIS... I HOPE MORE SMART PEOPLE ARE US MEET US NOW... NOW...#BECAUSE THERE IS NOONE THAT WOULD OTHERWISE BELIEVE THE SAME WE DO... INSTEAD BEING CONTROLLED BY THE CONSERVATIVE SIDE A PUPPET ONLY...#Suomi Finland Finnish WHEN YOU REALLY REALLY EXTREMELY ANALYSE AND COMPARE... THE SHAMING OF THE CHARACTER IS SO REAL THE SAME AS FROM OUR#ABUSERS... THAT MAKES SENSE THEY'RE A DISGUSTING MOVEMENT NO DIFFERENT THE COUNTRY ONLY SHOWCASE WESTERN VALUES AND CULTURE DON'T ACTUALLY
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orpheuslookingback · 4 months
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Finally got around to watching Boom (was too busy to watch it on the day it came out). It wasn't what I'd call one of my all time favorite episodes but I thought it was overall pretty good and definitely reinforced my feeling that Steven Moffat, for all his flaws, is actually a pretty good writer, he's just a terrible showrunner. When he's writing stand alone episodes he's usually at bare minimum decent and often, with episodes like Blink, even great, and I think the impression I get is he's good at coming up with ideas and horrible at sustaining them. Every time he brings something back he seems to feel the need to muck it up and make it more confusing and more convoluted and detract from the thing that made it interesting and cool in the first place. Truly the epitome of less is more. You can see it with stuff he introduced in the episodes he wrote during the original RTD era and then brought back as showrunner. The Weeping Angels got less intimidating and more convoluted and dull every time he wrote a new story with them. River Song was never as good a character as she was in her debut episodes because her hot mess of a storyline and backstory completely overrode the things that made her stand out in the Library episodes. Anyway. I don't mind him writing further stand alone episodes but I hope that's all he gets to do. I don't want him having significant input on long-term plot arcs.
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tuiyla · 2 years
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“Why isn’t Santana nicer after coming out”
Okay so I bring this up in the meta post I’m working on and I don’t want to hijack a post about Quinntana with just my issues on how the fandom perceives Santana so here goes, side note rant post.
As a Santana stan first human being second Gleek third, there are many many aspects of the larger fandom’s interpretation of Santana’s character that bother me. Unsurprisingly to anyone who’s talked to me for more than a second most of my issues come down to a gross misunderstanding of her inner turmoil and particularly all the mess surrounding IKAG. Santana spell it out in Sexy when she confesses her love for Brittany that she’s a bitch because she’s angry and she’s angry because she’s scared. Some people, even though it’s an excellent moment of self-reflection that could serve as a basis for understanding much of Santana’s character, still choose to get so close to the point and then miss it by about a mile.
I’m referring to the take that “Santana should have just been nicer when she was out.” I’ve witnessed legitimate confusion surrounding her behaviour post-outing (emphasis on outing) because people are shocked she’s still a bitch even after that, I suppose. Her anger and therefore her bitchiness was supposed to come from fears regarding her sexuality, so being out should solve all her problems and make her a nice person, right? I hope that writing it out like that makes people see the problem here. First off, obviously and most importantly but somehow still in a “needs to be said” way: Santana was outed. She didn’t come out, she was outed. She was terrified of what people would say if they knew she was a lesbian and then suddenly everyone knew, before she was ready. Shocking, I know, but for some reason that didn’t solve all her problems. Not to mention, being out came at the cost of being rejected by a close family member that undoubtedly shook her sense of self. That Santana continued to be angry “even after” having been outed shouldn’t be some big revelation. No shit she didn’t suddenly find enlightenment and inner peace upon being dragged out of the closet through an act of cruelty.
Second, coming out, even when one is outed as a lesbian to her whole state on television, is a process. Santana’s main source of fear wasn’t the process of coming out but the state of being perceived as the Other. She was terrified of being an outsider and judged for her sexuality and her fears are only proven right once the secret is out. That’s something she’ll carry for the rest of her life, even when she’s happily married and her relationship with her grandmother begins to mend. And that’s not to sound all bleak about queer existence because it doesn’t mean she’s doomed for a sad, angry life or anything, it just means that dealing with her deepest insecurities and fears is... a process. When we leave Santana as a newlywed, she’s around 21 years old. Honestly, it’d be a miracle if she had it all figured out by that point, particularly given her acute allergic reaction to vulnerability. Does she strike you as the kind of girl who willingly walks into therapy to sort out her misplaced feelings of anger? Didn’t think so.
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Third, and this is two-fold, Santana is both considerably softer in the later seasons than she used to be and she’s also just never going to be a nice person, period. We could make it three-fold and point out that progress isn’t linear but let’s take it one step at a time. Santana is a kind person but not a nice one. From season 3B onwards and particularly in seasons 4 and 5 we see her forming deeper bonds with people other than Brittany and she even has a realization about using her bitch powers for good by the end of season 5. She has been using them for good ever since she first opened herself up to the possibility of letting people in and being her true self around them. So to me, complaining that Santana isn’t suddenly a ~much better person~ after being out is faulty on account of her does becoming a better friend and person as the show goes on. I think people’s problem is that she doesn’t become nice, but like I said that’s because she’s not. She just isn’t. In my ideal Glee future where Santana does get the help she needs and sorts out her emotional baggage, she becomes a much healthier adult capable of not sabotaging her friendships. But that still doesn’t make her nice. She will always have her signature snark and and she’ll always be ready to dish some insults out. Is that a good thing, that’s not the point here. The point is that she does become less cruel and more open to letting her kind heart actually show as the series goes on and still being rude to people doesn’t negate that.
I could go on, such as about the fact that Santana’s still a fictional character whose snappy one-liners and page-long takedowns are a part of her appeal. Glee wasn’t gonna stop utilizing Naya’s comedic delivery and turn Santana into a less recognizable version of herself, nor should they have. And like I say, nor should Santana’s continued prickly behaviour take away from the fact that she does soften as the show goes on. Then we have the issue of progress not being linear and faling back into old habits being perfectly realistic, and then we can also talk about how Santana’s issues go far beyond accepting her sexuality so it’d be unrealistic for her to drop her all defense mechanisms even if she becomes perfectly content sexuality-wise. She rightly identifies fears about being perceived and judged for her sexuality in Sexy and concludes that that’s why she’s angry and lashing out all the time, but it’s only a source of that. Although it’s a big part of her character and journey, it’d be wrong to reduce Santana just to her sexuality. That’s how you reach false conclusions like “oh she should have just been way nicer post-season 3,” because you ignore her general feelings of insecurity and how deep-seated this instinct to close off and lash out is.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this impromptu Santanalysis post, it’s been a while since I’ve written one not as a reply to an ask. Quinntana post coming soon, until then please remember to read way too much into a decade old silly Fox show and when someone misinterprets your faves, go get that shovel and start digging.
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longagoitwastuesday · 25 days
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Gushing about Gojo and Megumi and how they are or could have been everything to me I forgot to mention that I really really really love Yuuji. Like, a lot
#His attempt at reaching out to Sukuna‚ saving him and living with him#and how we see can see here and there moments in which he tries to reason with him from the very beginning#is one of my favorite things in JJK#It moves me a lot. It fits Yuuji a lot#But it fits the constant theme in JJK about how curses and people are not that different so much as well#Yuuji in the conditions of his existence looks at himself and then regards Sukuna#and the difference he sees is a faint line between them drawn out of merely being... lucky. Lucky enough to have someone supporting you#So he asks. Over and over. Let's try. Let's try again. This time it can be right. I know you could love flowers and haiku and company#I know you fear death. I will keep you company in life. Let's try again#But Sukuna owns it like Tirso de Molina's Don Juan does#I don't know. I love Itadori a lot#Their dynamic is truly something else. I wish it could be better#Damn I guess I just don't like shonen. The potential is amazing but damn why is it so unsatisfactory#Talking about best potential ever but unsatisfactory sorry to gush over Megumi and Gojo again#but the apparent parallel between them is arriving me off the wall#Megumi's mention to how it's the three of them reminded me of Gojo's similar comment to Ijichi and Shoko when he learnt Nanami had died#I live for these things. I wish there was enough to actually sustain me#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#Also Gojo found her mother. She said she didn't care but he did. Just in case I suppose?#Perhaps to give her the chance if she did care after all. And I don't know. I don't know. I guess... This is it. This is why I love him#Despite everything he does care. And does take care of things. In his way. Uncouth. Weird. Irresponsibly. But he does#And Megumi laughs#Despite how his world crumbled he laughs. Because of something he wrote. Because of Gojo keeping his promise#In the worst most absurd Gojo way possible. But there he is. Taking care of it as he said he would. Telling him about it#And Megumi laughs. Because that's just so Gojo. Megumi laughs. And it's a sight to behold#And this is it. This is what Gojo could have been. What he was. But the glimpse of what could have been sooo deep when it comes to Megumi#And this is why I love him and them so much. And why the undeveloped potential breaks my ribs so severely#They could have been everything to me! They could have been everything at all! One of the dynamics ever!#Even if it had been nothing! Even in the nothingness! For the nothingness itself. Like the nothingness of this letter! Perfect example
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toytulini · 3 months
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i feel like if youre going to kin hisoka that hard you are actually obligated to dress like him at all times
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sirompp · 1 year
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mutalune · 3 months
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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lesbiankiliel · 4 months
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my sister got a fantastic grade from her master's thesis 🎉🎉🎉🎉 I'm so proud of her!!!!
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our-lady-of-mcr · 5 months
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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jvzebel-x · 9 months
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#i still havent been able to get the pic of my entire family celebrating the holidays together out of my head.#my parents ruined every christmas they could. every holiday. every birthday. everything. there could be nothing special#w/o my dad calling my mother a fat pig or my mom interrupting his dinner prayer to call him a lying hypocrite.#w/o police getting involved&having to explain why my dad had my mom in a headlock or my mom had punched him in the face.#we could have nothing bc their need for misery outweighed their desire to give their children any fucking joy#every fucking time.#but i have to sit here&wonder if im in the wrong bc im being gaslit into missing a family+memories we all know damn well#never fucking happened. i blacked out half my fucking childhood&still know thats true.#i have to wonder if maybe-- just maybe-- they would actually apologize for everything they did if i ever called or wrote.#if maybe they would welcome me back w/o expecting an apology From Me.#but then i remember how the first thing my mother said when getting in touch w me after two years was how disappointed she was in me#for not thinking to tell anyone in the family that i was homeless. how selfish i was for it.#how she only contacted me after getting my email address-- the same one ive had since high school-- from family#bc shed been crying to our entire extended family about how worried she was about me so they managed to find my gofundme#&not a single person in my family donated to it-- but they all had a lot to say about it. didnt they.#&somehow i know that theres nothing for me w any of them. nothing at all but more disappointment.#&photos of all of them smiling that i have to remind myself are definitely not real.#bc how many of those exact photos had i been in? no matter what the answer is i dont remember a single one being real.
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hauntingblue · 5 months
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I said i wasn't gonna shogun live post but the dinner when mariko's husband starts to live with them is too good. Poor woman tho
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