#she's just acting totally reasonably as she should 🥺

[saitoakirachan-fangirls]

When talking to an Azula hater: She's fourteen, she's abused, she's awesome, she deserves better, she's allowed to murder if she wants

When talking to an Azula stan: She's ruthless, she uses people without care, she abuses her brother and her friends, she's fucking evil, she doesn't get a free pass just because you like her

[office-anomaly]

What are some of your favorite dynamics between characters?

this will be a long answer, because the gang's group dynamics is one of my favorite things to talk about. please bear with me haha (before anything: these views are purely my own. i know others have differing ideas for character/ship dynamics, and whatever i put here does not intend to challenge or demean any preference different from mine 🥺 our opinions can exist together lol) READ UNDER THE CUT

fred and velma: they are my gold standard for friendship. i think this dynamic is severely underrated as they are not only hilarious together, but they complement each other so well in terms of affirming each other's passion for mystery-solving, all the while keeping each other in check in case things get crazy. they strike me as the ideal friendship where the bond is meaningful, grounded and platonically intimate. one of the reasons why i like BCSD so much is that it showed just how well fred and velma work together in a way we haven't really seen in previous shows. ftr i think this is my favorite sub-group of the gang. velma and daphne (vaphne): i really like this ship, although i rank it behind varcie (i don't think i'll talk about varcie here since this might end up several pages long lol). this ship has been around forever, and i do think that it has a very good reason to exist mainly because of how the girls are such a positive presence in each other's lives. we've seen how daph has tried to get velma to come out of her shell on many occasions, and has shown that she understands her in a way that the boys will never do. meanwhile, velma acts as an anchor for daphne, keeping her on track when she gets overly excited or kooky during cases. i've always loved how different they are in all aspects, yet are able to foster a mutually beneficial relationship with each other. fred and daphne (fraphne): i know this is a basic ship, but i like how this has evolved over time, across many scooby media. SDMI really did this ship so much service by adding the much needed depth and justification why their dynamic works as well as it should. fred added a sense of adventure to daphne's otherwise sheltered life, and daphne has a good understanding of how to navigate fred's personality and quirks (much like how she is with velma). the show allowed these characters to play off each other and show us how they each deal with relationships that took a backseat in favor of mystery-solving in earlier iterations. daphne and shaggy (and scooby): ok these guys are FUN. like so much fun. i like that this was the group configuration for 13 ghosts, as i think their personalities lent so much entertainment to the idea of dealing with real supernatural phenomena (side note, but i like how the lego beach bash movie basically confirmed that they were the fun members of the gang lol). while i personally do not see shaggy and daphne as romantic partners, i totally understand why some people ship them and that's perfectly fine. velma and scooby: a girl and her canine best friend. whenever i draw velma and scooby in one picture, i make sure to show that they are the best of besties as much as i can. i am not subtle with my agenda to undo the optics damage SDMI did to these two lol

thanks for reading til the end, i know it's long. let me know if you have comments, violent reactions or anything, i'd be happy to discuss 😊

[aliferousdreamer]

my thoughts on the next step 9a

clude leaving is so bittersweet... i'm so sad we've lost such a sweet couple and great wlw representation but they left happy and stronger than ever!!!!!!!

the colour symbolism with kenzie's signature colour going from yellow from to blue is a subtle but effective character choice imo. the yellow in s8 felt more youthful joyful and vibrant for when she was new to being dance captain, whereas now kenzie's blue wardrobe in s9 shows that she's maturing and gaining wisdom as dance captain, but is also going through some tough times too. blue is also tns' signature colour so it also shows that she's an important part of the studio!!!

i love heath in this season... his energy, his attitude, his relationships, carter's acting, everything 💯

grace's reasoning for wanting revenge is so silly because she legit made herself an outcast and when kenzie tried to talk with her she just dipped

i'm still upset and bitter and frustrated with daisy leaving........ i just hate seeing great potential dropped like that. melody was such a good addition to the cast!! also where was her goodbye scene with izzy???????? she wasn't just close with heath; she was close to izzy too!!!!!!

my heart broke for pete multiple times and i'm glad that we had a storyline tackling grief and (briefly) men's mental health. i wish it had more of a focus and lasted for longer but it was still effective.

thalia and eldon are still together!!!!!!!! yesssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!

JACQUIE MENTION YESSSSSSSSSS I'VE WAITED FOR TIMES LIKE THIS

kenzie basically being both the dance captain and studio head by herself because what does nick even do retroactively makes riley look even worse at being studio head.......... yeah season 4's treatment of riley is still annoying me in the year 2024

idk if it's just me but does anyone else feel like it's not internationals???? the vibe feels much more like regionals or nationals. the scale doesn't quite feel grand enough

i wasn't sure that heath was "the heart of the team" but after watching all of 9a, not only is he the heart of the team he's also the team therapist and cheerleader... i love to see it

i love that anthony is still a ball of stress/anxiety and is also in a really important leader position as group choreographer. so often you see anxious people just depicted as introverts and not as leaders, so it's nice to see someone who's anxious but also a very capable leader

olive is the definition of a precious cinnamon roll. she's sounds like a disney princess every time she talks. she reminds me of amy in s4 too!! she really is just the 🥺 emoji

random point but i love that adele's signature colour being emerald green. it reminds me of ariel's tail in the little mermaid and now i'm thinking of an au where adele is ariel and anthony is prince eric

i know i'm probably in the minority here but i am totally on board with anthony x adele (should their ship name be anthele/adelthony/adelony??). anthony really had one conversation with her alone and just fell for her instantly. some fans probably think it's dumb and realistic but i think it's really sweet and they have potential for 9b

i do also lowkey ship adele x olive because they're so cute together (and they remind me of pamy a little.) when adele didn't want to work with ariana but was unable to resist olive's puppy dog eyes...... they're so cute!!!

kenzie and pete are really just the sweetest couple ever and they have such a natural, easy chemistry... they're definitely one of the best couples tns has had in years 😘👌

IS HEATH'S DAD DEAD???????????????

ethan showing character development by being much more of a team player, we love to see it!!! he's still competitive but he's ready to share his ambitions with others

kenzie holding hands with heath was such a sweet, underrated moment... i love seeing strong, supportive and affectionate platonic male/female relationships

ebby naming her pet snail snaiyoncé is iconic

izzy calling heath "heathcliff" and heath calling izzy "isadora"....... the best friendism of it all

eldon mentioning west's iconic bangers and mash solo!!!!!! yes, thank you!!!!!! west is one of the most iconic dancers this show has ever had!!!!!!!!!

kenzie is allergic to flowers, noted!

heath is penzie's no. 1 shipper

ariana putting jett front row centre in her trio........ i know what you are................

ethan's loyalty to izzy is so sweet

WHO IS GETTING CUT??????????????

grace is definitely turning on ariana in 9b... i have a feeling she's going to out her as a traitor and a troupe might kick her off the team for a few episodes

remi is totally going to break ebby's heart, isn't he???

i have a feeling that presley might return to talk to her sister and say something like "chill ariana i'm fine living life and there was no need for getting revenge"

is ethan getting a boyfriend in 9b??????

can't wait for chekhov's bo staff to make its grand return in 9b

also how many enemies to lovers / rivals to lovers style relationships is heath going to have???? ozzy, daisy, pascale....... heath is immune to not having some sort of conflict in his relationships

this is a long shot but i'm really hoping to see more previous cast members returning. yeah i know it's not necessary, but i still want to know what our old faves all doing with their lives

given season 9's marketing has been pretty terrible it really does make me doubt that there will be a season 10. i would like a last series to tie the whole show together and maybe have a few reunions so the show has a great send-off, but feels unlikely now that they really dropped the ball when promoting this series

bring on 9b!!!!!!!!!

this is really jumbled and i've probably missed out so many things but i'm very unorganised so there you go

[turtledotjpeg]

(chapter 400 spoilers)

i have been fed and i must make stupid internet doodles about it

my wife is so successful and popular (said with distress) and she is doing her best and she just wanted to do healing and said 'noooo' to murders and she cried about kacho and hates being called old and kurapika is the only one she can rely on and i'm gonna cry

more thoughts (not interesting) under the cut because this is an art blog but I am compelled to yell into the void about this chapter

man I was ready to be happy just to see Melody for one panel, but there was So Much in this chapter 🥺 feels like we're getting to see some new facets of her personality (see: Old Maid Melody lmaoo) and it's so fun

it was nice to see her and Kacho getting to interact a bit more openly - for some reason I was expecting nen-Kacho to be more of a separate entity, rather than the "brought back to life" kind of deal where she basically feels and acts like she's the same person? I like it though, I want to see her messing with Melody some more lol

I was wondering if Kurapika's goal might come up re: the fourth prince's invitation, but it seems like the immediate concern with Fugetsu takes priority, which makes sense Zhang Lei also wanting a private audience is interesting, I wonder if that could give her and Kurapika an opportunity to meet up and plan things out before she visits terrorsandwich? Before all that, though, they'd have to deal with Benjamin (assuming it's a first-rank-first-served kind of deal), no idea how that's gonna work out unless they actually pull off the Just Murder Everyone plan

also lmaooo the love confession 😂 one the one hand I feel like all her initial suspicion and mistrust towards glasses guy has to be a setup for him to actually be more honest than she expects, but I still can't help being a bit skeptical of him... both because there has to be something going on with the heartbeat thing, right?

and also, even if it is probably what's most practical for the situation, I'm not toootally sure if I love this "stop being sad and go use your powers to help us do murders" thing lol (granted kacho was very on board with both of those, too, but. idk man, maybe at least try to comfort her a little or something? xD)

that said, he is kind of risking his neck to help them, and i Am extremely in favor of anyone and everyone being in love with melody, so i appreciate him for that haha

okay, totally baseless "theory" #1: he's melody's dead sonata friend possessing the body (& therefore lying about the not believing in ghosts thing) - probably unlikely given Fugetsu is also said to be "possessed" and that looks very different, plus it sounds like that's something Melody should be able to notice? but it'd give him a genuine motive to help her out while lying through his teeth about all the details

or totally baseless theory #2: he's literally just a normal guy with a medical condition

melody: but I just don't get it, HOW can your heartbeat be so calm and steady all the time?!? kaiser: oh, cause of the pacemaker you mean? melody:

(**based on about 2 minutes of research I don't think that's quite how pacemakers work, but it's hxh universe, there could be Something)

(on an unrelated note, I also really liked Tyson in this chapter…sounds like she was basically pressured into a death battle she assumes she won't win, but she's still just out here baking birthday cakes and trying to have a good time :( rootin for her)

...and finally can I just say, even if there was a good reason for it, I think it's hilarious that Melody's reaction to someone liking her is just "hmm... 🤔 kinda sus" alternative responses to "i love you": "with a heart rhythm as precise as an atomic clock?! yeah right!"

[newtscamanderimagines]

Hello! I was wondering if I could request something?? It's totally OK if not, I totally understand lol. I was wondering if you could wrote some Newt Scamader x sibling reader comfort, platonic siblings type stuff where reader just hasn't been feeling so hot mentally and feels like their friends don't want them around anymore? I've kinda been struggling with that lately...

She/her or gender neutral reader pls. 🥺

Feel free to dm me if you have any questions and please don't feel bad if you won't accept my request, I 100% understand.❤️❤️

Much love ❤️

A/N : thank you so much for this request! This is the first request I have ever gotten! I’m proud for coming this far with this account and I hope you enjoy this cute fic because I put everything I could into it 🫶🏻 REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

~I will be there for you~

You and your friends are meant to be going out. That’s was until they texted you that tonight was cancelled because someone was sick and didn’t want to miss out so we will reschedule the event. You texted back that that’s okay and that they should let you know when it will be rescheduled. They read the message but never replied. They have been acting all strange over the past few weeks and you don’t know why. Your mind immediately went to thinking “what is they are trying to get rid of me?” And over thank it. Overall you mentally haven’t been feeling very good about yourself anyways. You felt like you didn’t have the looks of your friends. Tina, Queenie and the rest. You doubted your looks in every dress you had on to go on a date with (y/b/n). Your eyes pricked with tears as the thoughts went through your head.

You felt as lonely as ever, sitting in your bed, small amounts of tears falling down your face. You didn’t know what to do. You felt like nobody wanted to be around you anymore. Even Newt and Theseus weren’t around anymore. Newt has his book and Theseus is too busy with Leta. More tears flooded so you thought about everything.

All of a sudden Newt came home. “Y/n” I’m home!” He shouted as the apartment was quite big. He didn’t hear a sound.

He thought that maybe you fell asleep or something. He came into the room and saw you door was open a little and so he pushed it open further only to see you in a crap state.

“Hey…y/n are you alright?” He whispered softly as he stood in the doorway just wanting to make things better as a brother.

“Yea- yes I’m to- totally fine” you choked out holding your head in your hands.

You brother needed to go over to you. He hated seeing you this upset.

“You know you’re not okay. What’s wrong?” He asked as he sat beside you on the bed placing his hand on your shoulder rubbing his thumb to help you relax.

“It’s no-nothing” you replied more tears falling. Newt didn’t believe you one bit whatsoever. His eyes softened as you sobbed in front of him slowly breaking his heart.

“It can’t be nothing y/n, you’re crying this much and you NEVER cry.” He smiled a little when he heard you giggle slightly with a wave of happiness washing over you for a second.

It’s ju-just that no-body wa-wants me around any-anymore everyone is busy

D-doing things and I-I’m just not goo-good enough!” you cried into your hands trying not to look at newt in the eyes with your red and puffy eyes.

“But I’m here” he said trying to look down to meet your eyes but failed.

“No you’re- you’re not! You ha-have your b-book and creatures!” You sobbed. Newt went silent. He was meant to always be there for you. He was your big brother and he didn’t do what he was meant to do, be there for you. He felt a huge amount of guilt.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry I-I never knew” he said now wrapping both of his arms around you. You declined his hug and tired to get his hands off of you by squirming and smacking his arms. No matter what you tried he didn’t t let go.

“I’m not letting go until you calm down” he said tightening his grip around you feeling heartbroken to see you like this and him being a part of the reason why. He wouldn’t let go whatsoever. No matter what pain he is getting.

It took you a while to calm down and Newt knew you were calm when your body went limp in his. The room was silent, you were still and all he could hear was you breathing deeply.

“I truly am sorry.” He said tears pricking his own eyes. As he gave you one last hug. You looked at him in sympathy and despite your mood, you smiled at him and ruffled his hair making it a mess.

“You really know how to mess with me don’t you?” He asked playfully.

You just simply gave him one squeeze in the ribs causing his to let out one belly laugh before sitting up.

“ I do have one thing I think will cheer you up.” He said as he opened his case that was beside him and called out the nifflers. They all came out flying over to you and a ton of shiny things were now splattered on the bedsheets. You played with them and was the happiest person alive.

“Just remember, I will be there for you “ ruffling your hair playfully causing to create a play fight.

[scarletwinterxx]

take a chance with me - mark lee imagine

hi🥺😊 it's been a while since i wrote something this long, I wanted to take my time and do my best. I hope you like it.🤍

if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

and if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

song inspo: take a chance with me by niki

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2023 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

"You got the Bruno Mars tickets?"

Mark looks up to see you looking a bit disheveled, still panting from running he assumes.

She still looks cute. Says his internal monologue but he quickly shuts that down, putting this tough shell back on in front of you instead.

"Yeah why?" he asks nonchalantly

You hold 1 finger up, signalling for him to wait while you catch your breath.

"Who are you going with?"

"Dery, supposedly but he got tickets too so now I'm not sure" he answers, his attention back on his laptop screen. There are so many things he should be doing right now to the point that he feels like the 24 hours of his day isn't enough and yet he can't seem to shoo you away.

He'll spare you a minute, an hour, or how long you ask him but you don't know that. And he won't say that out loud now that the two of you have broken up. His clock stops when he's with you.

Mark wants to scold himself for always giving into you, but he can't help it. It's you.

"Take me" you say straightforward, no sense of hesitation.

This made Mark look up at you again, raising a brow as he asks you "Now why would I do that?"

"Because we're friends?" throwing a question back at him

"God don't say that, it's weird" he mumbles, acting as if he was shaking of chills as you say the word friends

"You're the one who said we should be friends, this is me being a friend"

"This is you trying to piggyback on me to watch Bruno Mars"

"See, you still know me so well. Now why did we even break up?" you joke, but it wasn't well received on the other end so you cleared your throat "Right sorry, sore topic" you mumble

"I'll think about it" Mark tells you before his gaze returns on his screen

You smile down at him even though he's not looking at you. "In your book, that's a yes. Call me, bye" you tell him before walking away.

After that encounter with you, Mark of course couldn't keep his mouth shut and told his friend about it. He can already hear Hendery scolding him for being a 'simp'.

"Tell me you didn't say yes that fast" Hendery asks his bestfriend but he already knows the answer

"Mark, dude I thought we're working on the whole 'I'm moving on for real this time' era of yours"

"I am, I am over it. She's just going with me because I have extra tickets, which by the way was supposed to be yours. I paid a good amount for those" he scowls at the other boy

"And you didn't even think twice about giving it away to her, we could've sold that or something. Just say you're still whipped and go. What's the point of me lecturing you everytime about your failed love live if you're never gonna listen"

"I can't fail my love life if I don't have a love life" the Leo man justifies

"Okay you got a point there, so here's my proposal. We should find you a new girl so you can finally finally stop being such a simp"

Mark swears he trusts Hendery with his life, but also a big part of him doubts his Libra bestfriend even when he's staying still and doing nothing.

"I'm not a simp" Mark grumbles like a child. He can hear Hendery snicker from beside him,

"Sorry what was that? I can't hear bullshit. Get back to me when you finally mean it"

He really hoped Hendery was kidding when he said he'll find him someone, he had so many reason why this isn't a good time to date but he can't stop him once he sets his mind on something. Especially if it meant it'll give Mark a headache, which in that case is Hendery's forte.

But if there's someone topping that list, the number one person to make Mark's temporal pulse go thumping hard. It would be you. And you know exactly know to get on his last nerve whether he likes it or not.

"I can't believe you got floor tickets, and Dery passed this up?" you say from beside him as you look around the venue. It's the day of the concert and just like you said, you showed up in front of his doorstep 10 hours earlier with the most excited look on your face.

"He's somewhere over there, said he prefers it so yea" he answers, looking at his watch to check the time. His nonchalance making you look over at your ex-boyfriend slash friend.

"Why are you grumpy? Does it really bother you I'm here? I can pay for the tickets" you tell him.

Mark looks over at you, noting your serious expression. He didn't want to ruin tonight for you, for the both of you so he shakes his head.

"No, I'm fine. Don't worry about it. I invited you"

"I invited myself, I'll send you the payment after the show" you tell him then look away.

Great, now you're in a bad mood and he has to figure out how to fix it. He lets out a sigh, looking away from you. The ticket is not really the issue tonight, neither you being here tonight. It's his mind being at war again, asking him questions he have long buried in the depths of his consciousness.

It's like you press the reset button in him every time. He hates it but he can't walk away from you either. So as a result, he sometimes acts too harsh towards you.

Mark thinks of something to break the tension,

"Hey, remember when I said I wanted to watch Bruno Mars with you" Mark tells you, slightly leaning towards you to whisper by your ear

You do remember. Back when you were still dating he did say he wanted to go attend concerts with you, when he learned yours and his favorite artist was the same he got so excited and put it on his bucket list to watch Bruno Mars with you.

"Huh?" you mumbled, pretending like you were having a hard time recalling that memory but really it's still fresh like it happened just yesterday

"My bucket list, said I wanted to watch Bruno with you. Guess I can check it off from that now" he smiles

"Does it still count even when we're not dating anymore?" you can't help but ask, you expected him to react violently like he always does when you bring it up but instead he just smiles at you again

"It counts as long as it's with you" he answers then he looks away. Not catching the way your gaze stayed on him for a few more moments, in those moments you wondered what if that wasn't the case.

What if you never broke up. What if he was still yours.

A lot of what ifs you'll never know the answer to.

Instead of linger on that, you just look away from him. Ignoring the dull ache in your heart.

That night turned out for the better, probably a night you'll never forget. You had so much fun, singing and jumping along your favorite songs. There were times when you looked beside you to see Mark doing the same. Seeing the biggest smile on his face as he holds his phone up to capture the moment.

Instead of saying anything, you just watch him with a smile. Missing seeing him this happy and carefree.

After the show, Mark offered to drive you home. You were too tired to say no so you just sat on his passenger seat as he drives down the familiar street. He didn't need to check his GPS to know, he know these roads like it's the way to his own home.

In a way it used to be like that, you used to be his home.

He didn't say much when he dropped you off, watching you enter your building and only driving away when he's sure you safe inside.

"Mark, my friend"

"No" Mark cuts off Hendery before he could even say anything but of course his bestfriend didn't take any offence nor thought about listening to him, he continued when Mark didn't say anything else

"As I was saying, remember when I said I'll find you someone. Well I kinda did, a bunch of us is going hiking this weekend and this girl Arin is coming. Heard she's had a thing for you for a while now"

"How can she have a thing for me when she doesn't know me?" he mumbles, already getting grumpy with the idea of going out

"I can't explain the way of the universe to you my friend, she just does. Don't make me say you're one handsome man because I won't" Hendery says

"You just did though"

"So you're coming right?" Hendery asks with a devilosh smile like he's already plotting something

"Do I have a choice?"

"Hey don't look at me like that, it was your choice coming here" Haechan tells you as you let him drag you trough the woods at 5am in the morning

"You told me we were going to get coffee at this place with killer view. I'm about to be the killer here and you're in my view" you tell him, sending glares his way but this doesn't deter your friend.

"We are getting coffee, after we go hiking. Hey! No hitting!"

As the two of you bicker some more you don't notice the other people joining you for today's hike arrive.

From across the lot, Mark spots you and Haechan. Just as he looks over, he sees Haechan bend down to whisper something to you and you hitting him lightly making the guy laugh.

It’s been a while since he last saw you, after the concert you really didn't reach out that much. Not that he expected you to, the last text you sent him was a short thank you for taking you to the concert.

You weren't avoiding him, it's been a while since you went out with a big group of friends since you and Mark did share a lot of mutual friends. You didn't want to make it awkward for everyone, so instead you mostly declined the invites when you know he might come too.

And Mark, well he’s been keeping his distance from you too. It's always you who talks to him first, always letting you make the first step.

He knew you were close to Haechan. If he’s being honest there were enough times he felt jealous even.  He pushes that thought away as fast as it came. He didn't know you were coming this weekend, a detail Hendery failed to mention.

"Hey don't freak out, but your ex is here" Haechan tells you

Whipping your head around then back at him, waiting for him to say it was a joke

"No he isn't"

"Yep, he's over there. Wait don't look"

Too late you're already looking. And there he was indeed. Luckily Mark was too busy unloading stuff from the car to notice you looking over at him

“If only your gaze could make him notice you, he’d probably be here already having an actual conversation with you” Haechan whispers to you

“You know not every thought that pops into your head should be said outloud, you can just shut it” you answer, taking your gaze off from the guy from across the lot.

“It wouldn’t be too bad to admit you miss him, when it’s this obvious”

“Again, thoughts to your self. I don’t need you whispering in my ear like a little devil” this time it earned him a hit on the shoulder. From across the lot, Mark’s eyes glaze towards the direction where you were standing with your friend. 

“He’s looking over here, by the way” Haechan tells you when his eyes met with Mark’s, the other guy quickly averting his gaze somewhere else. 

“Shut up”

"He was, and I'm pretty sure he had the look of murder on his face when he saw me leaning a little to close to you"

"I have the look of murder whenever I look at you, now can I get a drink in peace without you breathing down my neck" you grumbled, rethinking all the choices you made which led you here. You should've been anywhere but here.

Anywhere except where Mark is. You thought.

"He's coming, act cool. Hey guys!"

You glare at Haechan one last time before looking to see Hendery, Mark, Yoo Jimin, Arin and Yeonjun.

"You guys got here early?" Hendery asks

"No, we just got here too. Ready to go?"

Everyone said yes then you were off.

You try to focus on not tripping and not think about Mark, which you kind of succeeded. The group made small talk among each other, of course with Haechan and Hendery there aren't any dead air.

When you got to the trickier part of the hike, the trail was steep and kinda hard to climb up. Some of the boys offered to go up first to assist while the others stay behind to make sure no one get's left behind.

Hendery and Haechan took the lead while Mark and Yeonjun stayed behind. You were standing behind Jimin and infront of Yeonjun, taking careful steps.

"Haechan Lee, when we get to the top I'm going to push you off" you tell your friend who was laughing from somewhere infront

"I thought this was easy, not gonna lie I'm gonna pass out soon" Jimin says

"Same" you mumble, resting your hand on your knee to catch your breath

"Hey you okay? Need help with your bag?" Yeonjun asks you, Mark who is standing at the very back listens to the conversation.

"No, it's okay" you politely decline

"You sure?" nodding at him, "Jimin, do you need help with yours?" Yeonjun asks the girl to which she answers with a loud yes and quickly passing her bag to him.

You let Yeonjun walk infront of you, leaving you and Mark at the very back of the line. Mark takes a water bottle from his bag, opens it before passing it over to you. You didn't even think twice about grabbing it, not really paying attention to who's beside you. Kind of forgetting if for a moment before you stood straight again to meet Mark's eyes looking at you.

"Uh thanks" you say holding up the bottle of water

"No problem, need help with your bag?" he asks, he did hear you already say no to Yeonjun but he can't help bu ask

"It's fine, you're already carrying yours" you tell him, shooting him a quick smile before resuming your walk. But before you can take another step, you felt him grab your wrist to pull you back.

"Wha-" then he was pulling one strap of your backpack then the other before putting it on him. Now he's carrying his backpack and yours.

"Mark, come on I can carry that" you try to get it back but he blocks your hands with his arm. Gently pushing you infront of him.

"I'll give it back when you don't look like you're about to pass out, now go. We're falling behind" he tells you, and when he gets this serious you have no choice but to follow him.

For the rest of the hike, you and Mark walk in silence. Passing the water bottle back to him every once and a while, not even noticing you're practically sharing it with him. And when there was a branch too big on your way, you felt his hands on your waist. Guiding you from behind.

"Careful" he mumbles

Too stunned to say anything, you make your way over. Haechan was there waiting for you. He helps you up with this sly smirk on his face, you send a glare to him. Already reading his mind and what's he's about to ask you later.

"And we're here! Look at that view" Hendery announces.

For a moment, all seven of you just admire the view.

"Okay, tell me I did good" Haechan bumps your shoulder, you roll your eyes

"Fine, this was worth all of that" you mumble while the guy beside you throw his fist in the air like he just won a very important arguement.

All of you find spots to sit and get comfortable while eating the snacks you brought and drink the coffee brought by Arin apparently.

"I'm working at the cafe near campus so I kinda picked up a few tricks here and there, taste it. Hope it tastes okay" she tells the group.

Passing the thermos around, you take a cup and wait for your turn. Haechan pours some on your cup for you, and even got you your favorite pastry which honestly might be the highlight of your week.

Meanwhile, Mark was not so subtly watching from the side as you smile at the other guy. Even saw you bump your head on Haechan's shoulder affectionately, probably since you can't give him high five with your hands fill. It's something he knows you do when you get all happy and excited. The coffee tasted okay but something else left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"We should go here again, it's nice to just be out of the city" Yeonjun says

"True, I was dying back there but I'd do it again for this" Jimin says with a smile, all of you looking out the view. Watching as the sun slowly ascend up the sky.

The seven of you spent a few more hours there, just talking and sharing stories then it was time to go. The hike back was much easier and faster since you kinda know where to go.

Saying goodbye to the group when you got back to the parking lot. You help Haechan put your bags in the trunk.

"Hey uhm I was wondering if you want to grab coffee sometime" you're not sure who was speaking so you look behind you only to see Arin standing beside Mark.

For a moment, Mark meets your eyes but you quickly looked away and made your way inside Haechan's car. You'd rather not hear the rest of that conversation, saving your self from the misery.

Haechan looks over at you with confusion, then behind him to see what you saw. And when he saw Mark looking where you were, he understood. He closed the trunk making Arin and Mark look at him, "We'll go now, see you around guys" he shoots them a smile and a wave before jogging over the driver's side.

"You good?" he asks you when he got in the car

"I think so"

"I'm not gonna make fun of you if you say no" he tells you which kind of did make you laugh.

"Just tired, and you still owe me coffee"

"Fine, I'll get you some. Only because you're sulking right now"

You wanted to say he was wrong and that you weren't sulking but that would be not true.

Not sure either why you suddenly feel so down. You and Mark have broken up for over a year and in no place to feel jealous if he decides to date again. And at the end of the day it was yo who broke up him.

Deciding to treat yourself, you walked around the neighborhood to buy some snacks and your favorite ice cream.

Mark just drove Arin home after going out to grab dinner together, they had a good talk. He's not as naïve as Hendery thinks, he can definitely see why he said Arin might like him. But Mark of course being the gentleman that he is, let her down in the most gentle way he could.

"It's just, I'm not really looking for a relationship right now" he tells her

"I understand that, I can wait" she smiles at him, a look of determination on her face. "I've been meaning to say hi to you and introduce myself to you for a while now. And now that I have met you, I really can't promise I that I can stop liking you"

He chuckles at that, "Thanks, I guess. It's for you to decide, all I'm saying is that I might not reciprocate your feelings for me. Sorry"

"What are you sorry for? We still have time, you can atleast give that to me right" Arin asks

In his mind he already said no. He just smiles though.

After he got home, he still couldn't sleep because for some reason he can't keep you off his mind.

Thinking what if it was you in his place, did you ever have someone ask you out. Is there someone else now. Was it Haechan? Yeonjun?

Too lost in his thoughts, he spots a convenient store nearby and decided to buy an ice cream. Just when he step out of the store, he spots someone sitting outside by the benches.

He'd recognize that jacket anywhere because he was the one who bought it. You've always had a love for all things cozy and fluffy. The teddy bear like jacket was a gift from him last Christmas, he can still remember the smile you had on when he gave it to you.

"What are you doing out here?" he asks you, catching you by surprise. He then takes the seat across from you

"Had a bad day, thought the ice cream would make me feel better. You, why are you here?" you ask back, not expecting to meet him here of all places

"Had a lot to think about, thought the ice cream would help" he answers, "Want to talk about it?" Mark asks before he could even think about it. Normally he would stop himself from prying into your business, respecting the boundaries the two of you have now.

Shaking your head in reply, he understood you won't say anything after that

"I can't tell you because it won't be fair" you mumbled

"Why won't it be fair?"

"Because you're my ex" you tell him, it flew right out of your mouth before you stop and think about it. Looking up at Mark to see him looking at you already,

"Don't worry about it, don't worry about me I'll be fine" you mumble with a small smile. Trying to make it better somehow.

"Why do you do that?" he asks

"What?"

"Run. You always run away from me when I get even a step too close. Even when we were together, you always to that. You always had this wall around you that even I couldn't go around, did you not trust me?" for such an intense gaze, he asked that question so calmly. Like his eyes were saying one thing and his lips were saying another.

"I don't trust myself. Every time something good happens to me, I always ruin it. Every time I think I'm the happiest, I get this overwhelming fear that something will take it away from me. I'm messed up, I know that and you're the last person I want to dump all that mess on" you answer.

For the first time since the break up you finally talk about it. Flashbacks of that night replaying in your head. Remembering how he asked you why multiple times and not being able to give him the answer

"Do you think it could've worked if only I held on to you tighter or would you have hated if I did?" he asks

"Probably, but we won't know. I'd rather keep our memories in a good way than regret it"

"Do you hate me?

He waits.

One second.

Two seconds.

His clock stops once again because of you.

Then he hears you speak,

"Never"

You smile at him warmly, just like you used to. "I know it's hard to understand and accept what I did. I didn't want to drag you down with me, I have bad days and even worse days. Back then it felt like you were the only good thing in my life, I was scared that one day I wasn't going to have that"

"So you walked away before anything bad happens?" he continues for you, "I get that, when things get to much the first thing you can think of is to run. It's natural to have a fight or flight response"

"Don't get to academic with me" you mumble, making the guy across from you chuckle before turning serious again

"No really, boyfriend or not you can still talk to me. If it gets too much, you don't have to run all the time. I'll stay right here, I won't go anywhere so when you need someone you can come to me. Run to me, instead than run away from me"

Mark has always had a way with words, this time instead of running away again you listen to him. Sharing a smile.

"I'll walk you home"

"What time is your last class?" Mark asks you over the phone, after that talk you had the two of you have been hanging out more. Taking his promise of being your friend seriously. Now, there isn't a day when you don't talk to each other.

"My last class is over, I'm here at the library. Why?"

"Do you have an umbrella?"

"Why would I need-" just then a loud thunder resonates outside, feeling the rumble of it from inside the library. You then remember the umbrella you left in your room this morning thinking you weren't going to need it.

"I'm outside" he says then hangs up. Quickly you fix your things and made your way outside the library and sure enough Mark's there waiting for you.

It's only a matter of time before the butterflies in your stomach takes over, and this warm feeling in your chest burst out but for now you choose to ignore it. Choosing not to risk this second chance with him.

"What are you doing here?" you ask him even though you've been waiting to see him the whole day.

"What do you think, I'm walking you home" he tells you like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"You have one umbrella, we're not gonna fit there"

"We'll make due, now come on. I'll make us rament later" he says as he pulls your bag from your grasp and sling it on his shoulder. He then takes his hand that wasn't holding the umbrella to hold yours, tugging you right beside him as the two of you make your way outside.

The two of you underestimated the rain and the size of his umbrella because by the time you arrive at your apartment, only the top of your heads weren't wet by the rain.

Quickly opening the door to get inside, you kick your shoes off and turn the lights on

"I think I have some clothes for you, wait here I'll get you towels" you tell him

But before you could walk away from him, you feel his grasp on your wrist holding you back.

"Do you need something?" you ask him

"I- I just feel like if I don't take this chance right now then I would end up regretting it again, just like when I let you go the first time"

"Mark"

"No, you were right, I won't blame you for our past. I can't be angry at you for choosing yourself. We both needed that to grow and learn and discover ourselves. This right now feels like our second chance, I'm not about to risk it and hope for another one to come by. For once, I'm going to take this chance with you. That is if you'll have me"

Maybe he doesn't know just how much he drives you crazy, just how much you'd risk to have another chance with him. It dawned on you just now how it didn't matter what's at stake if you try again with him because what matters the most is him.

Then suddenly you leap right in his arms, not expecting this Mark stumbles a few steps back. But he catches you, holding you close to him like he was afraid you might float away from him.

"I'd take that as a yes"

You lean back enough to meet his eyes, "See, you still know me best. Why don't we get back together" you tease him.

"I asked first" he pouts at you.

Your adorable Mark pouts at you. How can you ever say no to him if he's this cute and adorable. He knows exactly how to use it against you.

"What if it gets too much, if I get too much?" you ask

"You're never too much to me, nothing I can't handle. I love you, all of you. I'll stay here and tell you everyday until you get tired of me"

You giggle at his words, burying your head on his shoulder. You feel him kiss the top of your head before putting you down on your feet.

It's always scary taking chances, but to you and Mark it's scarier to let it pass again. This time you know you don't need to bet anything because you're sure he's there to stay with you.

[queerestqueertoeverqueer]

an attempt to summarise my TPOTD thoughts

YAZ/MANDIP:

mandip gill, i love you forever. her acting in the scene where thirteen's hand starts glowing? i will be haunted by that forever, congratulations. girl knows how to cry.

yasmin fucking khan, best companion. BEST companion. she saved the doctor, she got everyone together, she took the lead when she needed to, she piloted the TARDIS when it counted (the fact that she still had her post-it notes 🥺) she really became the doctor when the doctor was gone. loml.

yaz carrying the doctor will never ever stop being so amazing. ever. i'm convinced she kisses thirteen on the cheek also. fight me.

THASMIN:

SPEAKING OF KISSING. there was a noticeable lack of it. to be fair, it wasn't NECESSARY. i do think we, and they, deserved it though. also see this parallel? rude.

i can get over the no-kiss, eventually. i cannot get over the no hug!!!!!

and i ABSOLUTELY CAN NEVER GET OVER the fact that yaz wasn't allowed a proper reason to leave the TARDIS. you know how we've all been saying 'i can't see any reason for yaz to leave the TARDIS willingly', guess what, NEITHER CAN CHIBS!!!! 😭

but seriously, it didn't need much. all it needed was an extra 2 minutes of just thasmin and i'd have nothing bad to say about this episode.

if they'd just added a couple of minutes at the end of yaz explaining to the doctor how much she loves her (onto that in a minute) but how she doesn't feel like she can stay when she'll look at 'MY doctor' and see someone else, especially after the master thing.

MORE THASMIN:

so, i'm actually quite pleased with what thirteen said to yaz. the 'my hearts are so full of love of all of you' was a bit like,,,, yes i know the fam need a shout-out but don't be scared BBC, she's allowed to just love yaz too. same with 'and she is loved', like always it has to be from the fam, not just from yaz.

however, the next line, 'i have loved being with you, yaz' was BRILLIANT. that's the closest we're gonna get for a while to the doctor actually saying 'i love you' and i think yaz understands that too.

what i DIDN'T like was the fact that it didn't go 'i have loved being with you, yaz' 'i love you too, bighead' or something similar. because yaz never got to tell the doctor her feelings. dan did a great job, sure, but she never got to vocalise them, and i wish she did.

sure, she spent the whole episode DEMONSTRATING that she loves the doctor, arguably the whole last 3 seasons. but i wish she'd got to say the words. the opportunity was right there.

REGEN:

the regeneration was beautiful. again, same as with thasmin. what we were given was 10/10, BUT we should have been given a bit more!!! thirteen deserved a slightly longer speech, i don't think it necessarily had to be super long, but maybe a little more than what she got.

her last line was perfect though. i wouldn't change a thing. 'doctor whoever-i-am-next. tag, you're it.' PERFECT thirteen.

her regeneration's tone kept in-line with the past too. the doctor growing up. from ten's 'i don't want to go' to eleven accepting it but being very very sad, to twelve using it as an opportunity to shape his next self, to thirteen not only accepting it, bu embracing it. seeing one last sunrise. taking it as something beautiful. because it was.

CLASSIC STUFF:

THE RETURNING DOCTORS WERE PERFECT. i was worried they wouldn't be able to find a natural way to put returning characters in and it would feel clunky, but it was flawless.

i'd heard rumours about five, six, and seven, but one and eight were totally unexpected. paul mcgann, national treasure. plus jo martin!!!!! she wasn't there for long but it was very her, very badass, plus i loved the fact that it was yaz's idea (more on that later too)

returning companions also, damn. i was not expecting that at all. when i saw graham i was like 'ahhh so this is their big surprise, i'll pretend to be shocked, ahhhhh' BUT THEN. i loved it.

CATBOY RASPUTIN:

ok, it's been long enough. it is time to talk about the master.

flawless. perfect. i genuinely would not change a thing about it. (for now at least, maybe i will when i think about it more)

the rasputin dance break was iconic. there was no need for it. but it was there. it was glorious. i can never listen to rasputin again.

i almost don't care that we didn't get the next doctor in thirteen's outfit, because sacha dhawan in that outfit, earring and all, was spectacular. honestly, brilliant. i didn't think they'd go there but they did.

the concept of the master regenerating into the doctor. o o f . there's some very clever things to be said and meta to be written about that, but i don't have the brainpower rn, so hopefully someone else will.

i will admit, when sacha regenerated into the doctor, my brain immediately went 'fuck, no, we're gonna have a lot less jodie screentime now', but honestly it was okay. the scenes of her with classic doctors plus the hologram stuff made sure she was still around enough.

CATBOY MASTER. ENOUGH SAID.

MISCELLANEOUS OTHER THOUGHTS:

ace and seven getting closure!!!!! yay!!!!!!

the adric mention and 'brave heart, tegan' was lovely

the fact that yaz said to ruth 'the last time i saw you, you were a tour guide in gloucester' was funny. but, it means something quite sad really. the doctor never told her about the timeless child stuff, or division. or if she did, she left out some major details. the end of the vanquishers is one of my favourite scenes, and it's sad that they didn't give her the chance to follow through with 'i want to tell you everything'. but who knows, if big finish wants to give us that one day, i'll be happy.

the hands in the 'you saved my life' scene. stunning. there was no need for the glass though. let them touch BBC it's okay.

yaz carrying the doctor. yeah, i've said it already, but that scene was genuinely stunning.

the doctor seeing yaz's face, smiling, and closing her eyes. she should have said 'my yaz', paralleling the 'my fam' at the end of S12, but sure. in my head, she said it.

thirteen being trapped in the dalek!!!!!!! the clara parallels!!!!!!!!!!!!! when they said 'open the casing' a good 78% of me was going 'cLARA CLARA CLARA CLARA CLARA' but yeah. i liked that.

i realise i haven't said much about jodie (that's a first) and honestly i have nothing more to say that i haven't already said. how can anyone feel anything but love for her. she and mandip are brilliant. easily my favourite actors ever. easily.

they should have kissed man, chibnall you fucking coward.

to summarise: what we got was perfect. i mean, genuinely. like, every scene of that episode, i adored. but there was a 2 minute scene missing. a two minute scene, my version of which i will probably write at some point as i'm sure lots of us will, where yaz explains why she can't stay. they hug, they kiss, they reminisce, and they part.

i liked that they ended on 'let's not say goodbye' though. leaves it open for a yaz return, plus, VERY doctor of her to hate endings, to hate goodbyes. yaz's doctorification came full-circle and it was magnificent.

once again, mandip gill, WHERE did you learn to cry like that.

overall? solid 8.7/10. i can't forgive yaz not getting her proper exit. but i did enjoy what we got. and i miss them and i want them back. she's yaz's doctor, but she's our doctor too.

[demonsfate]

me personally, i feel like booboo the fool 🤡 bc i got hopeful seeing how old victor was so i dared to wonder if reina would be. Not Young SKSBSJSNSB i forgot only males can be over 25!!!! OF COURSE they made her a highschooler 💀

i DO like her characterisation and i get it but like. i feel like things like her voice and attitude don’t really match her appearance…? with the way she acts, i feel like it would have made sense to make her, idk, a little older? not 30, bc that would have been too much for the babies at namco to handle 🥺🥺 but at least, not a highschooler!!! there was literally no reason for that except for the fact that they’re cowards LMAO. i would have been pissed if they made her all squeaky and shit. but at least right now, i just don’t feel intimidated by her at all. idk personally i find her characterisation (mainly her voice tbh) a little jarring with her young looking design and she just seems like a little shit AJSBSBSB

really im not surprised AT ALL, but a sigh was still soghed 😔 ig we’ll find out in january what she’s really about. i have a feeling i’ll warm up to her at some point though

LIKE. i was already expecting reina to be young. i knew there is no way she's gonna be as old as kazuya or lee. but i was guessing she'd be around 24-28 years old. i was... not expecting her to be a high schooler LOL. like, for some reason, that took me by surprise. so reina was worse than i was expecting!!

and i know, know, there ARE plenty of old dudes who have children later in life. but the problem doesn't necessarily lie in heihachi having a kid at a late age, it lies in the fact that there can't be any older females in the tek series. jun's the only "older" woman we have whose actually 40+ in the game. nina and anna don't really count since they were cryogenically frozen, and therefore haven't actually aged mentally or physically since tek2. hell! even lidia is only 29, and according to her backstory, was apparently 21 when she got into office. except... i looked it up and yup

poland's the same rules as we are, you have to be 35 to be president. they couldn't even make a PRESIDENT 35 years old. so, of course heihachi's youngest kid is his daughter.

and i do agree, it is kinda bizarre since... they did actually give her a fairly deep voice (as you would expect heihachi's daughter to have) which isn't seen often with the "school girls" of tekken who usually have higher pitched voices. so idk why they went with the idea that she's a high schooler at xiao's and jin's school. since that raises questions (has she seen xiao and jin before?) but... MAYBE she's actually gonna have something to do with jin and xiao, so maybe THAT'S why she has to be a high schooler. we'll see when the game comes out. right now, reina's background is a total mystery, we're only guessing what it could be. hell, her being heihachi's daughter isn't even actually known yet, we're just assuming due to her taking his personality / movesets, and the leak.

which, yeah... that's also why i'm scared she'll be an actual threat / hinderance in the story. because a high schooler isn't all that intimidating. an older woman would've been much "scarier", and more believable she could go up against the likes of kazuya and even jin. which i've seen many people try to defend it with "so what if it's a high schooler flooring kazuya? this game is full of unrealistic crazy stuff!" and it's like i'm SOOO tired of "TEK IS UNREALISTIC IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO THE SUSPENSION OF BELIEF SHOULD JUST BE COMPLETELY SNAPPED!!11!" it's like..... a story can be fantastical, but still have grounded rules for its own universe. and when it comes to power level scales, the series has been... mostly consistent. so to have a teenager who can possibly be a threat to kazuya or jin is just going too far imo. BUUUT... we also don't know if that's what's going on. we'll just have to see when 8 arrives.

which i would've liked reina a lot more if it just wasn't for her connection to the story, and my fears i have regarding her because of that. but we'll see when the game comes out. maybe i'll be blown away and she'll become one of my favorites. we won't know until we play 8!

[psychelis-new]

Hi!!! :D i’m sorry i’m late for feedback but here i am! i first wanted to say your reasoning for your mbti makes a lot of sense, i was just wondering if you knew about mbti functions? because that will be different and helps cement down your type instead of mbti constantly changing depending on your mood. however! i do think you sound very infj so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ HAHA! secondly i know of enneagram! that’s so cool! i love your enneagram type, they always sound very sincere in their purpose! do you know about instincts for ennea? they’re an extra layer mentioned that you could check out for fun!

okay but back to the point, i really think your intuition always hits the spot. i’ve been destabilised by a big conflict although it was a long time coming, however she was the one last connection to my past. and i just want to move on because i didn’t want to tolerate that behaviour anymore. and your advice really sunk in, about taking it slowly and gently without rushing. it’s something i’ve always struggled with! and i still had lingering guilt because this person is (was?) close to me so i kept dithering between the decision to move on or try again and go back. so the main reason why your reading hit was because i was really pressuring myself into acting right now when i was literally the one being hurt, and it wasn’t my fault. so honestly, thank you so much, i know you felt like you had a block in your intuition, but ig just know that to the rest of us you’re as illuminating as ever 🥺🌠

i hope you’re well and happy!!! 🌃🐬🥰

Hey, you're not late! I have been taking the test (I know it's not that accurate but still) many times for different years and I've always been and INFJ so I guess that's my core self no matter what LOL I should retake it one day, just to see^^. I don't know much about MBTIs functions, so I cannot really say anything from that point of view. And I don't know about instincts for enneagrams, but now that you mentioned, I might even try to check that too, just out of curiosity! Thanks :D

Thank you a lot for your feedback, I'm glad it resonated despite my small problems :). Yeah, sometimes it's not easy to decide what to do, especially when it involves people we're so used to be with, no matter what. So many emotions may come in between, and I totally get that you feel guilty too, cause they're part of your life and it's scary to lose others (especially those that are parts of our roots: feels like losing ourself or our comfort area, but it's not so. We're always the same, we do not depend on others. Our comfort comes from within). But if they hurt us, they just hurt us. And no matter how long we've been with them, how much we have afforded and seen together, the only thing that matters is that we're hurt and we need to heal and take time for ourselves. And we need them to understand they hurt us and talk things out (when possible; if not, we give closure to that ourselves). So again, after your feedback, I confirm: for now take time for yourself, to take care of you, to understand it was not on you, and then you can decide... evaluate objectively the situation and how you feel (follow your instincts. Only move towards the decision that will bring the best result for you. It's not selfishness, it's self respect: staying with people that may probably only hurt us, is just useless. And remember, just in case: it's not on you and probably not even on them, it's just life happening. We all grow, it's okay to grow differently from the people we are used to be with, sometimes).

Take care and be happy and hopeful<3

[papirouge]

I'm the anon who sent you the message about pitbulls.

Yeah, I completely agree with you! I hate when pitbull owners just have to take a picture of their ugly ass pitbull beside their sleeping babies to get some internet attention and to show people just how sweet and loving their mutt is. Literally leaving your baby with any animal unsupervised is super dangerous. I read once a story of a man who was taking care of his niece, and he had his Pomeranian in bed alongside the babygirl, he left for a moment to prepare her some milk, and when he returned the Pom was mauling his niece! Unfortunately she passed away from the injuries. So yeah, dont leave your animals, even the small ones, near your babies...

And yeah, a lot of dog owners put up with their dogs filth and smell, and even sleep with them. I have nothing against dogs, theyre nice and all, but i think some people are just too obsessed with them. Like i dont think its necessary to bring them to restaurants or the market, yet they insist on bringin them. I feel like a lot of people idolize dogs to worrying levels...

Have you noticed how a lot of them absolutely despise children? I was reading a discussion the other day about dogs on restaurants, and most said they loved seeing dogs, and wished they banned children from restaurants and airplanes and other places. Or they say things like they'd save a dog over a child in an emergency...

Maaaan.....even Pomeranians..? 😰 I always thought that small dogs where the exceptions but I guess they can be as much dangerous, especially around babies...

I knew a girl who had a baby dog and for no reason he bit her in the cheek. It wasn't too bad, but she ended up having a visible scar... :/ What's weird is that just after attacking her , the dog snapped out of it and started licking her wound, as if he realized and regretted what he had just done.... Maybe dogs can have mental problems too (was he sckyzophrenic?) :/

I remember that post saying that the reasons some people loved animals over humans was because animals were wired to never question you, obey what you told them do, love you unconditionally, etc. When humans are more complex and challenging to get along with. I also know there's a study linking excessive animal love with narcissism... Tbh it all makes sense when you see how those people act like what they have with their animal is much better than any other inter-human relationship...🙄

I don't mind having dog around outside, as long as they're on a leash, AND their owner collect their poo. Here in Paris we have an epidemic of dog poo littering the ground because Parisians/French are filthy and it's really a pain in the butt the stroll in the streets. I hate dog owners exporting their filthiness outside. They should all be fined and shoved in a pit of dog poo as a punishment💩

Trying to ban children from planes is ridiculous 💀 Sure having noisy children around for hours is annoying, but come on....are we really going to separate families traveling for that? Make planes dedicated for families? (family wagons in train are great though) Sorry but it's not that deep.

Oh and there's this running joke in the Black community about White people being more emotional when a dog dies than when a Black person does, and it's totally true. Even when a dog got killed bc he represented a menace, there's always ppl who are like "oh, was it really necessary? 🥺" people went to an uproar when Kim Kardashian shown pictures of her garage and internet sleuths assumed that was were she kept her animals (there's nothing shocking in putting a kennel in a garage idc). White people have this weird defensive stance with dogs they never have with fellow humans from other races. They'll see an unarmed black man being killed on tape and find all the excuses in the world to argue it was okay, but a dog mauling children being shoot down? "maybe there were other options 🥺"..........demonic behavior

[ciitrinitas]

still gonna be off socmed + discord for like another week or so, but some quick bg3 thoughts because it has my brain in a vise grip.

the only part of the early access i played was of a patch number i don't recall and over two years ago, so everything has largely felt very fresh to me in act 1! my early access impressions were also dead on because shadowheart is my favorite now like she was then. 🥺

i was set on romancing shadowheart until i found out about minthara's existence. morrigan-type meow meow vs. murder elf cultist lady. saved right before i met minthara so i could do another playthrough from that point to romance whoever i didn't pick, and uh...i talked to minthara once then immediately skipped off to slaughter an entire grove of refugees and druids to please my new wife.

karlach came up to my character to say she wasn't down with my slaughter-for-wife strategy, but i think wyll glitched? he just vanished without a word. disgust so powerful he transcended the code binding him. (something similar happened at the end of the blood of lathander quest where lae'zel had blipped out of existence after the fight from grabbing the mace. this whole instance of the fight was stupidly glitched for some reason lmao. i should not have been able to do the shit i was doing on that first attempt...) gale decided he wasn't really down for the slaughter, but he could tolerate it and stick around. : )

i'm accidentally having a wildly different playthrough to a lot of fans lmao. had no clue (or totally forgot) that astarion was a rouge, so i classed my character as a rogue, and...a two rouge party isn't a great choice. i like him well enough, but he's been largely chilling at camp in a silly hat while i run around with shadowheart, lae'zel, and gale. astarion was never likely to end up my fave of faves, but i think i might reclass when i go back to my old save to romance shadowheart so i can have him around...even if i already know i'll miss being able to lockpick things and sneak around.

i got so caught up in wrapping up loose ends before advancing to act 2 that i forgot that minthara and the journal say to go by the mountain pass into the shadow-cursed lands lmao. i wasted like two hours because i initially went by the underdark, but it was definitely neat getting to see jaheira!

speaking of jaheira, i am in trouble if she is a romance option because i am not immune to gilf. (but while i'd be super into it, i am sort of hoping she isn't because it makes more likely that minsc would be romanceable too, and woof...i am not keen on that.)

took forever to get minthara out of the moonrise tower, but i finally recruited her properly as of last night... let's go make our own cult and have it be better, new wife. <3

overall, i'm having a blast. playing on the story-focused difficulty has felt well-balanced in not keeping me stuck on any fight for too long, but still giving me a bit of a challenge. the general vibe where things are casually queer and the lack of weird sexism (or worse) is quite nice. i put over 30 hours alone into act 1 alone. people were not joking about the sheer density of things to do in bg3--nor has quality been skimped on! definitely some bugs, but it's been solidly stable for me! i'm genuinely impressed and really looking forward to playing more.

[canonicallysoulmates]

J2 GOLD Panel Charlotte Con 2021

I have such a huge smile on my face. The boys were flirty, they were joking around, they were supportive hubbies full off admiration and love for one another- and there's still the main panel left!

The panel started off with some banter; and Jensen wanted Jared to sing the Applebees song but Jared claimed he didn't know it so Jensen said he'll teach him so he can sing it at the main panel 😂 I want so badly for Jensen to convince Jared to sing it at the main panel!

Jensen was asked if there's going to be more iPhone music videos for his music, he said there's no plans for that at the moment but teases that maybe when he goes to direct Walker he and Jared will do a fun little vid- maybe the Applebees song. Yes, please! I want this! I want all the j2 bts Walker content 🙏

Asked what the episodes would be about if spn was able to have 2 or 3 more eps after the finale with them in Heaven, Jared thinks the boys would go for a drive after reconnecting on the bridge and make their way to a beach where they could sit back 😭

Jensen thinks there should have been a whole ep of Sam and Dean in Heaven, and he sees Dean acting out, blasting music, driving fast, doing donuts in the Impala. Which led to the boys sharing a story about how one day they were shooting in the Impala and Jensen decided to do donuts in the gravel parking lot during lunch and was sending rocks flying everywhere x

Jared said, and Jensen agrees, that Sam didn't stay in the hunting life but he did tell his son what he needed to know to keep him safe and he definetely told him about his uncle Dean. And Jensen referred to baby Dean as DJ which is cute.

They were asked what their totally selfish wish would be as both themselves and their characters. For Jared his "selfish" wish is that he hopes he gets to meet his grandkids, and Jensen's is that he hopes his kids are well adjusted🥺 And for their characters, Jensen says Dean would want a larger engine. And Jared said Sam got his selfish wish cause he got to be back with his brother driving around. I'm fine, I'm okay 😭

There was a D question which I wouldn't even bring up but I wanted to point something out that I personally found kind of interesting. Jensen was asked about D possibly being featured in one of his future songs, he says not gonna happen (cause she doesn't have an interest) but what I found interesting is that for some reason this made them both crack up, especially Jared they even had to move away from the mics. [Also before this question was asked the fan said the question was for Jensen, and Jensen put his hand on Jared's arm and said he has Jared for support ❤]

They were asked about directing and producing, and Jared said he's never directed but Jensen stops him and says he has, that he just does it from a different perspective and that he directed and produced for 15 years 😭❤ And then Jared brings up seeing Jensen wearing double hats while on spn when he acted and directed and how cool that was for him to see someone he knew, loved, trusted, admired and respected doing that, I'm drowning in supportive!husbands feels 😭❤

Jensen also said that he feels like producing is a lot like putting out fires which they did for many years on spn cause they didn't have a producer on set. I've said before and I'll say it again, these men deserved producer credits on spn and the fact that they never got them is a disgrace.

Here's a timestamp to Jared touching Jensen's chest, you're welcome 😊

When asked about the major differences between playing Sam and Dean, and playing Walker and Soldier Boy, Jensen says Cordell's got a little bit of Dean in him and that he rubbed of on Jared, Jared agrees 😏 Jared called Soldier Boy, Soldier which for some reason I absolutely love. Jensen mentioned Rust and says he was using a lot of Sam for the character he was playing in the film 😭 Y'all gotta watch this moment cause I am overcome with the feels of these supportive husbands, making dirty jokes and talking about how much influence they have on each other x

A fan said they hope Soldier Boy kicks Homelander's ass, Jensen said there's a lot of ass kicking and a lot of ass. I will be staring respectfully sir 👀

And they finish off the panel joking around and laughing cause when answering the last question which was about somebody fainting in front of David Hayden-Jones Jensen said "going down" which caused some of the fans in the audience to burst out laughing cause their mind went right down the gutter 😂

This panel was filled with so many great moments! I can't wait for the main one!

J2 GOLD Panel Charlotte Con 2021

[angrelysimpping]

wait, is there new wren content? could you please share? 🥺 i can’t be assed to play at the moment, kinda burned out on it

SO IT DEPENDS HOW YOU'RE CAUGHT CHEATING, AS FAR AS I CAN TELL

[purple text is me adding emphasis]

Caught before you're in Wren's lap:

You put your cards down and pretend to contemplate. Then, you glance at your cards again, one at a time, seemingly deep in thought, while in reality you're placing a unique mark on them.

You fail in your skulduggery.

When you look back up, you see Wren staring right into your eyes.

He takes your card and points to the mark you've just placed. "Good thing I caught you right in the act."

"Ruining our cards, eh? Thought we wouldn't notice?", he says. "Tsk, tks. This won't do."

"Blame your dealer, I'm not the one who damaged the card," you say.

"It looks like he would benefit from being taught some discipline," he says with a smirk. "I know just the right man for that."

He looks at his friends and nods at you. They start advancing on you.

If you are going to run, you'll be more likely to succeed if you don't waste time now.

Forgiveness chance:

Base: 20%

English +25%

Wren's love +25% [this is with Wren's love maxed, which is only 50 btw 😠]

Total: 70%

(1) Run | Athletics: Simple 100% | - - - Love

(2) Plead | + + Trauma | + + Stress | + Love | Forgiveness Chance: Reasonable 70%

(3) Protest | - Stress | - Trauma | - Love

(4) Surrender | + Love

(2) Plead | + + Trauma | + + Stress | + Love | Forgiveness Chance: Reasonable 70%

"Well shit, you got me," you say. "Forgive and forget?"

Wren sighs. "What am I going to do with you?", he says.

Your pleas seem to have reached him.

"Can't give this one to him, would cause them too much trouble", says Wren.

"What should we do with his?", he asks his friends, who have completely surrounded you.

"Like you need to ask," the slight woman replies. Hands grasp your clothes from all directions, pulling and tearing the fabric, until you're left exposed. You quiver with excitement from your exposed enormous breasts and penis and visibly aroused pussy. Your face reddens with embarrassment.

They lift you, and carry you naked through the estate, towards the entrance. The guard sees you coming, and smirks as she opens the gate.

They heft you through. You hear it rattle shut as you climb to your feet. You stumble away, enduring the jeers.

(3) Protest | - Stress | - Trauma | - Love

"Oh come on, this is bullshit!", you cry out. "You're a cheat yourself. You don't even have any proof!"

Your words fall on deaf ears. "We both know what you did," says Wren. "Gotta make sure you learn your lesson."

"Now, be a good boy and don't try anything stupid", he says with a smile.

His friends have almost surrounded you. It's going to be more difficult to run away now.

(1) Run | Athletics: Challenging 50% | - - - Love

(2) Surrender | + Love

(1) Run | Athletics: Challenging 50% | - - - Love

You turn and run. You hear footsteps pursue. You've barely made it outside when Wren tackles you to the ground.

"Got you", says Wren, now on top of you. "Now, stop resisting. You're gonna be in good hands - he will whip you into shape."

"Let's get her ready," the slight woman says. Hands grasp your clothes from all directions, pulling and tearing the fabric, until you're left exposed. You quiver with excitement from your exposed enormous breasts and penis and visibly aroused pussy. Your face reddens with embarrassment.

They lift you, and carry you naked through the estate, towards a small barn.

A couple of guard see you coming and smirk. Wren hands you to the guards.

One of the guards goes into the barn and comes back with a collar and chain, which are then fixed around your neck. The guards tug on the attached chain, forcing you along.

"Looking forward to playing with you again," says Wren. "I know you'll be back soon, one way or another."

(2) Surrender | + Love

You stay in place, allowing Wren's goons to surround you.

"Let's get her ready," the slight woman says. Hands grasp your clothes from all directions, pulling and tearing the fabric, until you're left exposed. You quiver with excitement from your exposed enormous breasts and penis and visibly aroused pussy. Your face reddens with embarrassment.

They lift you, and carry you naked through the estate, towards a small barn.

A couple of guard see you coming and smirk. Wren hands you to the guards.

One of the guards goes into the barn and comes back with a collar and chain, which are then fixed around your neck. The guards tug on the attached chain, forcing you along.

"Looking forward to playing with you again," says Wren. "I know you'll be back soon, one way or another."

Caught while on Wren's lap:

When you look at Wren however, you see he's staring into your eyes with a smirk. | + + + Suspicion

"Careful there," says Wren. "You're peeking too hard. You don't want to snap your own neck."

"Peeking? I'm just making sure your dealer isn't doing anything shady," you say. "Scared?"

Wren scoffs. He doesn't look convinced by your words.

"I'm feeling kind today," he says, "so instead of giving you to him - I'll just consider this your loss. Time to take my prize."

You wouldn't be able to climb off Wren in time, if he even let you.

[que Wren fucking you as if you had just cum. you can also get caught for marking cards you've already marked. like, you marked them at the start of the game and they're only pointing it out now. also, getting caught cheating in Wren's lap doesn't lead to them handing you over to Remy and you still get a chance to earn a towel at the end of it]

[sope-and-shine]

Nap Of A Star

-> Pairing: Jeongguk(non-romantic)

-> SFW // Bittersweet // Self-Care

-> Word Count: 22.2K

-> Summary: Being a celebrity since a young age has ruined Jeongguk. He hasn’t been able to experience childhood life as he should have and that has taken a toll on his social life and his mental health. He’s become a shell of a human going through the motions, and it’s becoming a problem. When met with an unexpected visitor, Jeongguk is faced with a responsibility to do better for them both. But can he turn himself around when he’s already so far gone? 

-> Warning(s): Depression, Anxiety, Alcoholism, mild language, A child, tantrums, Jeongguk is mean and irrational at some points, Jin being the voice of reason, happy ending

a/n: I've had this fic in the back of my mind for over a year now and I am so happy to share it with everyone!! This is a concept that I really haven't seen anyone play with , so I really hope everyone likes it 🥺

*

*

*

When you’re young, you have the entire world in front of you. As a kid, you imagine all the different ways your life will play out. There’s no end to the possibilities that await you in your future! An astronaut, a firefighter, a veterinarian, a teacher, and so many more to choose from. 

Jeongguk always thought he’d be a police officer. The uniforms always looked so cool to him, and he’d always seen them helping others. As a kid, he’d always look for different ways he could help others, his own way to be a police officer even if he was too young to be on the force. But as he grew older, he started to see more of an appeal for another job.

Acting.

His Mom was a drama extraordinaire while he was growing up, watching several different dramas at a time and being fully invested into each one. Every day after Jeongguk would come home from elementary school, she’d turn on the TV to her favorite crime drama: Detective Smooth. The story of Sherlock Holmes type casanova solving crimes across South Korea while he simultaneously tries to solve the murder of his fiance. The whole show was very lengthy and lasted quite a few seasons, and the storyline of the do-good detective made Jeongguk’s little crime fighting heart change its beat. And at the age of 8, Jeongguk finally got his chance to be an actor. 

His mother had taken notice of Jeongguk’s interest very quickly, and did all that she could to encourage him. She’d find clips of shows online and help him study the lines, and she even went as far as to enroll him in classes to improve his abilities. When the special school got an offer for auditions for a TV show, she didn’t hesitate to sign her approval. And two weeks later, Jeongguk was on the set of Detective Smooth working with the very man who inspired him to act.

“Toy Crimes”; Jeongguk’s very first episode - his TV debut. He played a young boy from a poor family, taking care of his family by robbing convenience stores with a toy gun he painted black. His character was  just a scared child, but the real Jeongguk was anything but scared to be on TV. The camera screen was where he belonged, and he made it known to everyone on set.

The other actors praised him for being so professional on his first shoot, and the director made plans with his mother to spread word about how great it is to work with her son. More offers for other roles were sent to their home, his mother received calls about modeling gigs and variety shows, and many offers for a manager were offered to him. That one episode - his first shot - shaped the beginning of Jeongguk’s career.

And it’s something the man has come to regret.

The first few years of being a childhood actor and model were amazing! They were fun, fast-paced, blissful, they gave Jeongguk everything he could ever want. Money to buy food, video games, merchandise, vacations, it was all available to him thanks to his career. As a pre-teen, he thought life couldn’t get any better. And in a way he was totally right, because his life didn’t get any better after that.

It didn’t take the poor kid too long to realize that money and fame could be a one way street, especially when it came to friends. He didn’t notice it as much when he first started out, if his friends were hungry then he’d offer to buy them food. Friends take care of each other, and he knew if it were the other way around then his friends would do the same. But food soon became toys and games and movies, and it started to feel like the only way his friends wanted to hang out with him was if he was paying for them to have fun. Eventually, Jeongguk just stopped going out with them. 

Then there were the variety shows. Places where he’d be left on stage by himself to talk to adults. He’d seen plenty of idols do it, and he always felt confident when he was in front of the cameras. But as he transitioned from child to teenager, he began to feel singled out. He felt that the MC’s would always do what they could to humiliate him. And there were some shows that would cut his footage to paint him in a bad light for some extra publicity. He was thankful when Jin finally told him he didn’t have to go on another one.

But the worst of his problems had to be going out. 

Every turn the poor kid would make there’d be someone waiting with a camera to make a quick buck. People on the street didn’t waste any time to stop him and say hi. It felt so amazing at first to be recognized as that kid from TV or from the magazine, but then it became far too overwhelming. People would crowd him, follow him home, follow him to his shoots, try to barge into his hotel rooms. Whatever someone could do to get close to him, they tried with everything they had. It was so bad that Jeongguk did the only thing left that he could possibly do.

He stopped going out.

He stopped making friends.

He stopped helping people.

This became a pretty big upset within the small friend group he did manage to salvage.

Just as early as he’d figured out how terrible having friends could be, Jeongguk managed to pick up a few decent ones. Not of his own volition of course, they all just happened to be constants in his life.

Jin - his manager - has been with the kid since he was 15, taking over the job for Jeongguk’s Mom to ease her own workload. He was much more skilled when it came to snagging deals and keeping Jeongguk’s face out of the news for any ridiculous reason. His Mom even insisted that they pay him more when Seokjin first chewed out an MC for getting too physical with him. Jin was there when Jeongguk first dropped his friends, and he was the first to notice when he began to distance himself from work once he left the building. 

Alongside Jin, Namjoon and Jimin didn’t take too long to figure out Jeongguk’s change. His motivation to continue his tutoring and training sessions took a downward spiral very fast, and both the teacher and the personal trainer noticed his lack of effort when they worked one on one together. They voiced their opinions to Jin about it, and they both at least attempted to talk to the actor about it in hopes of getting him to open up. But no one could get the kid to talk about his feelings.

Even Hoseok, Yoongi, and Taehyung couldn’t get an answer from the poor kid. Hoseok and Yoongi had both tried to talk to Jeongguk in between takes and the occasional shoot they would do together. In the makeup chair, they’d always talk to their stylists and try to pull him into the conversation, but he was just becoming more and more of a shell of his former self.

No matter what anyone tried, Jeongguk had just seemed to have given up. He walks around with a total disregard for everything - especially himself - but when asked, he just brushes everyone off. He’s made it clear with his silence and the way he pushes people away from him that he doesn’t want their help. It’s hard for them, but it’s even harder for him when deep down he knows he just wants a shoulder to lean on.

Everyday is the same: wake up, eat, go to work, make pointless conversation, attend lessons, go to training, eat, shower, get ready for bed. Nothing changes; nothing new happens. It’s all just another day in Jeongguk’s increasingly boring life. The only reason he hasn’t given up his career is because he’s so late in the game. With no other knowledge of what he can do with life and motivation at a tragically all time low, he can’t afford to change now.

Everyday his career is a constant reminder of how much he missed out on, and everyday he comes home and attempts to drink the pain away. For just a few hours, he can escape in the buzz. He can forget about everyone he’s let go and the sacrifices he’s made and forget the tears he sheds until the next morning when he has to wash them away.

He sits on his balcony, his back against the glass door and his head turned up to look at the city lights out in front of him. His eyes glisten in their glow, and he holds back the tears with another swig from his bottle. The night breeze sends a chill up his spine, and for once it’s something to feel. 

He used to lose sleep over how excited he was to go to work, and now he can’t sleep because he dreads the thought of stepping foot onto a set. He used to greet everyone on set with a smile, and now he almost always refuses to leave his trailer. He used to see talk show hosts and newscasters, and now he sees his therapist 2 times a month to make Jin happy. 

He used to be happy…

“What am I doing…?” He mutters to himself. His life used to be so much better. No one belittled him on the internet, no one stalked him back to his home, no one followed him across the globe just to touch him. He used to not have any care in the world, and now all he does is care. Everything about his current life just makes him want to scream and quit, but he’s too far gone to give it up. 

“I just-...” He chokes back a sob, “-why am I doing this anymore? I hate my life, I hate my job, I hate everything! Who would blame me for leaving?” But of course, he knows better than that. He scoffs, “Who am I kidding? Everyone would blame me.” 

He lifts his bottle in front of his face to watch the amber liquid swirl, but he catches his reflection. “Jesus, I’m such a mess...” A distorted version of him with messy hair and tear stains on his cheeks.

“I just wish I could do it over…” He wipes his face with his left sleeve, pressing the fabric over his eyes for just a moment before he throws his head back to look up at the stars. There’s a cluster above his apartment, one of those rare days when he can actually see past the light pollution. They burn bright, and it reminds him of Peter Pan and how the stars would take him to a land with no problems and he would never have to grow up. “If I could just tell myself that it’s not worth it, I would.”

“I just want one chance...”

*

*

*

The pounding in Jeongguk’s head is very evident. His inability to open his eyes is a clear sign that he didn’t drink enough water and a sign to hold back on his alcohol intake the next time. Despite this, he’d need to get up and find some painkillers if he wanted the throbbing to go away. 

Wait…

Throbbing doesn’t feel like this. Most throbbing comes from the top of his head behind his eyes, but this feels like a constant tap to his cheek. No pain, just pressure. It takes everything the young actor has to open his eyes and let them adjust, but the child in front of him is the last thing Jeongguk expects to see. 

The blonde screams and jumps up from his bed, moving too far back from the small child and falling off the side of his bed and onto the floor. He lands on his shoulder and rolls over to his back, clutching his arm in pain with his eyes closed shut.

“Are you okay?” A small voice asks from above him.

Jeongguk squints through his pain to look up at his mini intruder, his brown eyes meeting those of the small child. His dark brown hair sits flat against his head for the most part - only a few pieces stick up out of place with his bangs coming down to the middle of his forehead. His small pout is very evident on the child’s chubby cheeks, and he’s almost drowning in the red hoodie that looks a size too big.

Jeongguk would find him absolutely adorable if he knew where he came from.

He sits up with a groan, massaging his sore shoulder before he looks back at the little boy sitting cross-legged on his bed, “How did you get in here?”

The little boy shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“Who let you in?”

“Nobody.”

“Well, you had to get in here somehow.” The little boy just shrugs again and points to the window, confusing Jeongguk - who lives on the 12th floor of his building. He moves forward and rests on his knees, resting his elbows on his bed to remain eye level with the small intruder, “What’s your name?”

“Jeongguk.”

This makes the young actor chuckle, “Well, hi Jeongguk. My name is Jeongguk too. Where are your parents? Is your Mom one of the cleaning ladies?”

The little boy squeals, “No, silly!” His giggles have him covering his mouth as if he’s trying to keep himself from spilling a secret. He’s so taken that he’s almost doubling over with laughter, and Jeongguk is left patiently waiting for an answer. Though he only gets the question, “Where is she?”

“I’m asking you.” The blonde reminds the little boy, slightly annoyed. He was never like this as a child.

The boy nods, “Yeah. You know where my Mom is.”

“You said she wasn’t a cleaning lady.”

The insinuation has the little boy falling into fits of giggles again, “She’s not a cleaning lady! She’s our Mom.”

“Our Mom?” Jeongguk questions in surprise, “There’s no way you’re my brother. Mom would’ve told me.”

“I’m not your brother.” The little boy laughs again - his giggling is almost infectious. He hops down from the bed and passes the blonde, walking right up to a blown up photo of Jeongguk’s first ever movie role. He copies the pose, inch by inch and smiles, “I’m you.”

Jeongguk looks between the child in his room and his poster on the wall. The only reason it’s still up is because his mother gifted that to him when he was 10, and now he’s hallucinating because of it. The similarities in the face are almost impossible, and - save for the height and the clothes - this little boy looks exactly like him when he was younger. It’s almost too much of a coincidence, but it’s not possible at all.

He gets up to find an older family photo, scouring his bookshelf for the photo album he’d slipped through the cracks.

“What are you looking for?” The boy asks, standing just beside him. 

“Ah!” His close proximity makes Jeongguk jump, “Don’t do that!”

He tilts his head in confusion, “Do what?”

“Just-Nevermind.” Jeongguk thinks better of reprimanding the child in favor of finishing what he was doing. He finds the small, blue photobook tucked between an old script and his comics. He pulls it out and immediately brings it over to his desk as he flips through pages. 

Little Jeongguk follows him, craning his neck and getting as high as his tippy-toes will allow him to go. He grabs onto Jeongguk’s sleeve for support, “What are you looking for?” 

“Nothing! Nothing…” Jeongguk assures him, scanning over photo after photo to find one from before his career ever started. He turns another page and stops, seeing his bright red sweatshirt behind the top right photo sleeve, “Here it is!”

He pulls it out of its sleeve and holds it up in front of his face to get a better look. Dark hair, brown eyes, chubby cheeks, red hoodie, jeans, sneakers…Everything looks exactly the same.

“Don’t you remember what we look like?” His younger self asks him in disbelief. He pulls lightly at the arm he’s holding onto, “I’m right here!”

Jeongguk places a hand over his little one and removes it from his arm, “You aren’t real…”

The dark haired boy looks down at himself before he looks back to his adult self, “Yes I am.”

“No. I am dreaming. You are a figment of my imagination.” The blonde concludes. The notion that this kid was his younger self was like a kdrama nightmare, and this was probably a side effect of the alcohol. 

Yes! 

The alcohol! This whole ordeal is just an alcohol induced nightmare, and he needs to wake himself up right now! He’ll just do what his therapist showed him.

“I’m going to count to 10 and by then you’ll be gone.” He turns back to his desk and covers his eyes, letting himself be surrounded by darkness. He calmly counts aloud to himself, taking deep breaths between each to calm his jittering nerves. He can feel himself relax with every number, and the weight of his problems falling off of his shoulders. “-9…10.” 

His room is quiet. He doesn’t hear a small child giggling or talking to him anymore. Maybe he should listen to his therapist more often. He moves his arm away and turns around to look for himself, and he’s met with the slightly disheveled mess of his bedroom. Only his bed is really messed up, but it was never really together in the first place.

What really matters is there’s no little him in sight, “It was all my imagination...”

“Boo!” From behind the far side of his bed, the little version of himself pops up with his arms thrown into the air and giggles once again tumbling out of him. 

Jeongguk jumps back in his chair, slamming into his desk and knocking over a figurine Hoseok had given him. He slams a hand against the desk and his foot into the ground to stop himself, “Holy shit you’re still here…!”

“Hey, you shouldn’t say that! Mom says that’s a grown up word!” His younger self scolds.

“Yeah? Well, I am a grown up!” He reminds him.

The look of anger turns into one of recognition as the young boy realizes that Jeongguk is an adult, “Oh yeah…”

“Okay. Okay, let’s think about this rationally.” He settles in his chair and rests his arms on his armrest, “There is no possible way that you’re me.”

“But I am.” The little boy reminds him.

“Okay, but you’re not.”

“I am.”

Jeongguk sighs, the urge to fight a child coursing through his body. He takes a deep breath and decides to settle the debacle the only way he knows how, “What’s our favorite color?” 

“Red.”

“Who’s your favorite teacher?”

“Mrs. Na!”

“What’s our favorite animal?”

“Well, bunnies are really cute-“

“Ha!” Jeongguk cheers, jumping from his seat and clapping his hands together in victory.

“-but I like dogs more.”

Jeongguk looks down to his younger self and the genuity in such a young child’s face. He falls back to his chair in defeat, “This cannot be happening…How is this even possible?”

Young Jeongguk tugs at his pant leg, “Can I have something to eat?” He asks, “I’m hungry.”

“Well-“ 

“-Oh!” His little eyes light up with excitement, “Do you have corn dogs?”

Jeongguk shakes his head, “No, I don’t.”

“Oh…” It’s not hard to tell that the child is disappointed, he wears his emotions right on his sleeve. But the disappointment of what they don’t have doesn’t last long, “What do you have?”

It’s a question that Jeongguk himself doesn’t know the answer to. Of course, he has food in his apartment, but for the most part it's just what Jin has sent to his apartment to keep him alive. It’s not like he can’t do it himself, but it’s troublesome to go out and do those things himself. Most of the time, he’ll order food anyway instead of having to cook it himself. He should have something suitable for a kid.

He leaves his room with little Jeongguk toddling after him. The young child walks a bit slower, taking in the area around him in awe of how cool his house will be in the future.

“Our home is so big and cool! It’s awesome!” He beams.

“It’s okay.” Jeongguk shrugs. He reaches his pantry cabinet and pulls it open to look for cup ramen. He spots a few on the middle shelf and grabs one.

The young child continues to explore the apartment, finding the couch with a large pink throw bunched up on the couch, “Do you have a girlfriend?” His child self asks from the other room

Jeongguk scoffs, “Definitely not.”

He opens the top of the ramen and brings it over to the sink, filling it with water. “Then why do you have a pink blanket?” He hears his younger self shout from the living room.

“Because it’s comfy.” He answers over his shoulder. 

He turns off the water and brings the ramen to the microwave for the confused child, “But it’s pink.”

“Boys can like pink.” He argues, setting the timer and pressing start.

“Oh…okay.” Little Jeongguk takes the answer for what it is and moves on to something new. He spots a bookshelf of collectible figures and is immediately drawn to it. Specifically a character with a big head and tiny body with spiky hair. He reaches his hand out to touch the plastic hair, poking it and tipping it over.

“Please don’t touch that.” Jeongguk asks, rushing to his POP! figure’s aid. Little Jeongguk backs away from the shelf and quickly latches onto a gold trophy on another shelf. He reaches out and picks it up right as Jeongguk turns around, “Don’t touch that either.”

“Sorry.” He apologizes, offering the trophy back to his older self. Jeongguk snatches it away and immediately tends to it, giving his younger self the opportunity to latch onto something else. It’s the lamp closest to the balcony, just next to a recliner. It’s large, intricately shaped, gold, and 3 times his size. It looks like it makes noises if you shake it, so he tries.

At the same time, the microwave goes off and pulls Jeongguk’s attention away from fixing his Actor of the Year Award to turn towards the noise. As soon as he turns his head, he catches sight of the little boy shaking his very top heavy lamp and immediately jumps into action. He drops his award haphazardly on the floor and rushes to grab the lamp before it has the chance to topple over.

His strong and forceful grip on the lamp makes his younger self jump in surprise, tilting his head all the way back so he can see the panicked expression leave his elder self’s face as he sighs, “Stop touching everything.”

Little Jeongguk tilts his head, “You’re touching everything.”

“That’s because I’m a big kid-“ Jeongguk explains, pointing to himself. He taps his younger self on the nose, “-and you are not a big kid.”

“You don’t act like a kid.”

“That’s because I’m not a kid anymore?”

The little boy turns himself around and looks right up at his older self, “But why are you called a big kid if you aren’t a kid?” He gives Jeongguk a good minute to answer him, but the older boy has nothing good to answer him. Little Jeongguk just shakes his head and sighs, “This doesn’t make sense…”

Jeongguk himself sighs, unsure of what to really say to help the poor, confused child. The only thing he can think of however, is to change the topic itself, “Why don’t you sit down and eat your ramen?”

This seems to help. “Okay!” He cheers.

“Okay, go to the table then.” Jeongguk instructs, his younger self rushing to do exactly as he was told. He pulls out a chair and sits patiently as he waits for Jeongguk to finish up his food. As soon as he sets the bowl and a pair of chopsticks in front of him, he goes to town.

It’s amusing to watch him eat. He definitely knows how to use his chopsticks, he just struggles to keep much of the noodles on them. He averages at least 2 noodles per bite, and Jeongguk has to stop himself from laughing when the food slips back into the bowl before he can get to eat it. This younger version of himself is pretty cute, Jeongguk will give him that.

He just hopes he won’t be here for too long.

—-

What Jeongguk had hoped would only last a few days turned into 1 week. 7 full days of calling in sick and trying to figure out how to take care of…

Well, himself.

It wouldn’t be so bad if: A. He had a single clue on what he was doing. And B. He didn’t have to lie to Jin. 

The first week that he had appeared wasn’t so bad. He had no promotions or filming to be done, so there were no conflicts of interest trying to wait himself out. But his new show was starting in 2 days and his younger self was still here questioning him to death! And if it wasn’t a question, he was begging to watch cartoons.

If he didn’t figure something out soon, then he’d be entirely screwed.

KNOCK KNOCK

“I got-!” 

“Sh!” Jeongguk silences himself before he gets the chance to run away from the TV and to the door. He gets up from his spot on the couch and turns around and gets level with him, “You don’t answer the door. Especially if we haven’t seen who it is yet.”

“Well, who is it?” He asks, someone knocking on the door again right after.

“I don’t know.” He answers honestly, “You just stay here and watch your show, okay?”

The little boy shrugs, “Okay.”

The knocking continues and Jeongguk quickly makes his way over to the door to see who it is. 6 figures appear on his camera, and Jeongguk curses himself for not pretending to be out of the house. Right at the front was Jin with his phone to his ear. He was no doubt trying to call him, but Jeongguk had already turned his phone on silent after the second day he’d spent with himself. Next to him is Namjoon, and behind them are Hoseok and Yoongi. The three talk amongst themselves, occasionally one of them turning around to scold Taehyung and Jimin for goofing off while they wait.

It’s times like this that Jeongguk wishes he lived in a house with a back door that he could escape through, or that he were a bird and he could fly right off of his balcony to someplace that wasn’t quite as suffocating as his apartment was starting to feel.

“Who is it?!” His younger self calls from the living room, curious as to why the door hadn’t been opened yet. Jeongguk tries to shush him as quietly as possible, but he’s not quiet enough.

He sees the recognition on Jin’s face right before he knocks again, “Jeon Jeongguk, you open this door for your hyung’s and stop giving us the cold shoulder!”

With no other choice, Jeongguk sighs and opens the door. He only opens it enough for his head to poke out and manages a smile, “Hey everyone.”

“You don’t look sick.” Jin immediately points out.

“I made a timely recovery?” He answers nervously.

Namjoon chuckles, “An answer shouldn’t sound like a question.”

“Yeah! We should be the ones asking questions anyway!” Jimin agrees, pushing himself between Yoongi and Hoseok to get a better look at his long-time client, “Why have you been ignoring us?”

He shrugs, “I’ve been sick.”

“And now you’re suddenly better?” Jin asks.

“I guess you guys are miracle workers.”

Yoongi scoffs, “Ass kissing won’t make us leave.”

Taehyung shrugs, “Depends on the amount of ass kissing.”

“Listen, I appreciate the welfare visit, but I’m fine. You guys can go now.” Jeongguk tries to make his escape back into his home quick, but Namjoon is quicker than him.

“We came all this way to see you get better. We even made you soup.” He says, Hoseok lifting up a container behind him collecting steam.

“That’s really nice guys but-“ Jeongguk stops as he takes a closer look at the clear container, recognizing a few ingredients in the bowl, “You brought hangover soup?”

Hoseok shrugs, “It’s good food.”

“What’s a hangover?”

Jeongguk curses himself as everyone’s attention turns to the source of the question, poking his own head out of the door just like his older self. His big, curious eyes stare up at everyone, and they don’t miss the resemblance to their young actor.

Namjoon is the first to give an answer appropriate for a child, “It’s something adults get when they’ve had too much of something.”

“Like ice cream?” He asks.

It’s Jimin who struggles to come up with a suitable answer, “Well, not-“

“Yes! Just like ice cream.” Hoseok interjects. He pushes forward and lowers to little Jeongguk’s level with the hot soup container still in his hands, “What’s your name, baby?”

“I’m Jeon Jeongguk. I’m 6!” He says proudly, even giving a small nod of his head after he introduces himself.

“Oh really?” Hoseok looks up to the blonde actor with a brow raised, but he just gives him a nervous smile as if that itself is answer enough. Hoseok decides to disregard his friend entirely and focus on the child in front of him, “Why don’t we go to the kitchen and I’ll make you a bowl?”

Little Jeongguk’s eyes widen in excitement, “Of ice cream?!”

“Of soup.” He corrects, holding up the container for emphasis. The little boy frowns, and the fellow actor can’t resist the temptation to spoil him, “We can talk about ice cream after you eat.”

“Yes!” Jeongguk cheers. His little hands grab the door in his excitement and he almost knocks his older self in the face as he pulls it open. He waves Hoseok inside, “You can follow me, Uncle!”

Hoseok can hear a few of the others try not to laugh at the insinuation that he’s old, but he brushes it off in favor of catering to little Jeongguk, “Okay! I’m coming.” He smiles and stands up, deciding to push past the older Jeongguk into the apartment and let Jin handle the situation. 

As the saying goes: “Not his circus. Not his monkeys.”

The others watch Hoseok disappear with the small child with major similarities to the young actor in front of them. They’re all thinking the same thing, but none of them want to say anything. They’ve known he’s been in a rough patch, but they didn’t think this would be why.

“Well, isn’t he a wonderful little surprise…” Jin muses, a fake smile plastered on his face. He crosses his arms over his chest and raises a brow in Jeongguk’s direction, “Is there something you’d like to tell us, Jeongguk?”

Without missing a beat, he throws his arms up in defense, “I know what you’re thinking, and he’s not mine.”

Yoongi lets out a sigh of relief, “Oh, thank goodness! I was hoping you didn’t name your kid after you.”

Jeongguk glares at his hyung, unamused, “He’s my nephew. My brother asked me to watch him.”

“And they named him after you?” Taehyung asks in confusion, Jimin hitting his shoulder as a way to quietly scold him.

“What’s wrong with that?” The blonde questions.

The photographer pushes forward, “Jeongguk, you know I love you, but you’re the conductor of the no fun train.” 

He walks right past the blonde,ignoring his insistence that follows him, “I’m fun!”

Namjoon chuckles and follows suit with Taehyung, patting Jeongguk’s shoulder as he passes, “Of course! You’re just as fun as long division, buddy.”

“He’s got you there.” Yoongi agrees, following Namjoon with Jimin right behind him.

Jeongguk watches dejectedly as everyone enters his home exactly like he didn’t want, “Come on in…I guess…” He sighs. His personal prison was becoming even more cramped than before. The only one of his friends that didn’t enter his home is the one person he’s been actively avoiding the most.

Jin’s arms are still crossed, but he doesn’t look quite as disappointed as before. He just looks frustrated, “You could have just told me.”

Jeongguk shrugs, “Sorry…”

“C’mon.” Jin puts one arm down and throws the other over the blonde’s shoulder and leads him inside the apartment where everyone is making themselves at home.

“Jeongguk!” Jimin’s voice rings from the kitchen. Jeongguk meets him right at the doorway where the personal trainer is a mix between flabbergasted and upset, “Why are there so many ramen cups in your trash?”

“Because we ate them?” He answers

Jimin’s eyes widen, “All of them?!”

“Yeah?”

Jin sighs and takes a seat on the couch next to Yoongi, “I’m making a new grocery order for you.”

The model leans over to look at the grocery options with Jin, “Take all the ramen cups off.”

“Not all of them!” Jeongguk protests.

Jin looks up, eyes peering just over the top of his phone, “You get 6 max and that’s your only offer.

“Let me help you!” Jimin offers. He rushes to Jin’s other side where he plops on the couch and throws an arm over the back of it, “They’re both going to need specific meals to get back the nutrients they need.”

Hoseok comes out from the kitchen with a bowl of soup and hands it to Jeongguk, “Hey, where are his pants?” 

“In the washer.”

“And his other pairs?” Hoseok asks, his first question not being obvious enough.

Jeongguk just takes a big gulp of his soup and it has Namjoon joining the conversation, “Do you not have an overnight bag for him?”

Jeongguk wipes his mouth and shrugs, “It was pretty last minute. I thought he’d be fine.”

Yoongi sighs, “Add kids clothes.” 

“Size?” Jin asks, not bothering to look up from his phone.

“Let me check.” Hoseok goes back to the kitchen where little Jeongguk sits eating his soup to stop the laundry. He pulls out a shirt and a pair of pants and checks their tags, “Looks like a 7-8 for both.”

Jin nods, “I’ll order a few of everything.”

Jeongguk looks between everyone working together in amazement, “How do you guys even know how to do this stuff?”

“We took care of you, didn’t we?” Taehyung teases.

“Yeah, but I was a teen for most of that.”

“Yeah, teens aren’t much different than children.” Yoongi reminds him. 

“Granted, you were also in the industry longer so you had more of a sense of responsibility, but you were pretty much the same when we first met.” Namjoon agrees.

“Yeah. Then, somewhere along the line, you stopped acting like yourself.”

“You started brushing us off.” Taehyung complains.

“-And telling us off!” Jimin adds.

“I wasn’t that bad.” Jeongguk suddenly feels the weight of his apartment become heavier. Uncomfortable. Like pictures he’d tried to hide were suddenly on display for everyone to see, but everyone in the audience is him.

“You’ve been taking care of your nephew for a week without any supplies for him, only feeding him ramen, and instead of asking us for help you’ve been blowing us off.” Yoongi reminds him.

“We’ve been busy…” The blonde mumbles.

“Well, we’re going to be busy showing you exactly what you need to do to keep this poor kid alive.” Hoseok places a hand on each shoulder and gives a reassuring squeeze, “Let’s eat and then we’ll start with this innovative invention called a bath.”

*

*

*

True to their word, everyone did help him with himself for the rest of the day and the day after that. They showed him good - and easy - recipes to make for him besides ramen, what medicines were okay for him, and what shampoo and soap would be best. They crammed a novel’s worth of information into his head in 2 days, but it definitely helped. They even came up with a good way to differentiate the two Jeongguks.

He was dubbed as Jeongguk, just plain old him and nothing special - It’s not like he actually minds if they think that or not. His younger self was then dubbed JK, as a fun little nickname.

Unfortunately, all that work didn’t help to make his younger self go away. Now he was left to help get him ready for his first day on set. 

He can’t deny that the outfits Jin, Jimin, and Yoongi picked out are absolutely adorable. Though they may have gone a bit overboard on what they actually needed for him. The grey Tommy Hillfiger sweater is definitely cute on him, but the chances it will survive the day completely unharmed is unlikely.

The two of them are in the back of the car with Jin, JK tucked in the middle seat between the two adults. Jeongguk got up early this morning - after 2 missed calls from Jin - and got ready for work before he got JK up to get ready for the day. He even made eggs for the two of them. Nothing major, but enough until they get to set. He didn’t want JK to be too hungry that he ends up disturbing everyone on set.

“Now, remember, JK. You need to stay with Jin, okay? You can’t go running around set.” 

“I know.” The little boy assures him, playing with the toy that Hoseok bought him.

“-And if you need something before the director yells cut, then you need to be very quiet when you ask for help.”

“Okay.”

“And if-“

“Jeongguk-!” Jin interrupts, “I will keep an eye on him while we’re there, okay? JK is going to be just fine. We don’t want to overwhelm him.”

Jeongguk sighs, “I just don’t want to inconvenience anyone.” He admits.

Their car comes to a stop at the security check and Jin looks to JK and then back to his uncle with a stern gaze, “Well, it’s a good thing JK isn’t an inconvenience.” 

“What?” The actor is confused until he realizes the wording he used, “No! That’s not-!”

“You just worry about doing your job and I will worry about doing mine.” Jin tells him, adjusting his position in his seat as the car moves forward again.

Jeongguk can only sigh and nod, “Yeah...”

Their car comes to a stop just outside the lot and lets them out. Both Jin and Jeongguk help JK collect his belongings to keep him entertained before their driver leaves until later. The three make their way to the first stop of the day: hair and makeup.

As soon as Jin opens the door, they’re quickly greeted, “Good morning!” 

“Good morning,” Jeongguk calls back, stopping at the top of the stairs to make sure JK gets up okay. He offers himself a hand, and the stylists don’t miss the little hand that grabs his.

“Who is this?” His makeup artist asks, her eyes light with joy and curiosity.

“My nephew JK,” He explains. He playfully shakes their connected hands, “Say hello, JK.”

Though he’s normally very friendly and bubbly, this morning JK is a bit shy. He backs himself into Jeongguk’s legs and squeezes his hand, “Hello…”

“Oh, he’s so cute!” The woman squeals. She comes closer and gets on JK’s level, “What lovely little cheeks~”

“Such fluffy hair.” The hair stylist comments from her chair.

JK looks up to Jeongguk for help, and his older self mouths a thanks to him. He nods and turns to give his own thanks, “Thank you…” 

The woman squeals in delight and Jeongguk clears his throat, “Where should I sit?”

“Right here!” She stands up and offers him her chair in front of the second mirror, “Go ahead. Have a seat.” Jeongguk nods in thanks and she turns to Jin and JK, “The two of you can have a seat right over here.” She points to a section just behind them where there’s a bench to sit on with a coat resting between two cushions.

“Thank you.” Jin nods. He ushers JK to the bench and lets him climb onto the seat first, sitting down next to him.

Jeongguk’s makeup artist gets started prepping his face, pulling out the products she’ll need to clean it. As she does so, she glances at JK sitting quietly next to Jin, “So, JK, how old are you?”

“I’m 6!” He says, holding up 7 fingers by accident and having to put 1 down.

“Oh, wow!” She comments, “You’re a big boy, aren’t you?”

“Mhm!” He nods.

She grabs a towel to wipe off any excess from Jeongguk’s face and looks back to the young boy, “Do you go to school?”

“Yes.”

“What do you do in school?” She asks, glancing to reach for her next product.

JK shrugs, “School stuff.”

“Just school stuff?” Jeongguk’s hair stylist asks, working on someone of her own.

“We have recess!” JK adds excitedly, sending both women into 

“Oh really?” Jeongguk’s makeup artist asks, “What’s your favorite thing to do at school?”

“Lunch!”

“Lunch was my favorite too!” The hairstylist laughs, patting her plump stomach to prove her point.

Her current client in her chair laughs as well and turns his head just enough to see the young boy, “Are you having fun staying with your uncle?”

“Yeah!” JK nods excitedly, “We have lots of ramen and we watch cartoons together!”

“Just ramen?” The man asks.

“We had hangover soup the other day! Uncle Hoseok brought it.” 

Jeongguk’s face drops, and he quickly turns to scold himself out of embarrassment, “JK-!”

“What? We did!” He argues with an innocent pout. He turns back to the older manin the chair, “It was really good too.”

“It’s okay, Jeongguk~” His makeup artist coos, patting the tense actor on the back, “We all overindulge sometimes.” 

“Some more than others.” His hairstylist remarks.

“Hey! Don’t make me curse in front of the baby!” The other woman warns, making the other laugh.

The conversation continues like this as the two women do their work. They keep the conversation going with JK, and occasionally Jin will also add on. Jeongguk will only interject when he needs to keep the story straight. Thankfully, their time in hair and makeup doesn’t last much longer, and soon enough Jeongguk’s getting dressed and ushered to set.

To say his worry over JK causing a ruckus was the least of his problems was an understatement. Everyone on set loved him too. Anytime the director would call cut or take 5, JK would be surrounded by 3 people or more. All of them wanting to ask him questions and make sure he’s comfortable and happy. It’s not like he can just ask everyone to leave him alone, he’s not doing anything. He’s extremely well behaved for someone who’s never been on set before. Specifically a child.

By the time filming is over, JK has collected his own little army of fans. Within 10 hours, he’s broken out of his little shell and blossomed like a flower. He’s enraptured a group of adults so easily without even trying, it seems almost impossible. Even the director has taken a quick liking to his younger self.

“Jeongguk! Your nephew is absolutely adorable!” The man gushes, beaming with excitement as he plays with the boy’s hair, “He looks just like you when you were younger.”

“Really?” Jeongguk asks, feigning shock. Of course he knew that they looked identical, and he’d already heard it multiple times. But he needs to play it cool and push off any indication that this boy may be his in any way, shape, or form. He shrugs, “Everyone says that, but I don’t see it.”

“Well, it’s true. He’s just as charismatic as you were back in the day.” He assures him. Jeongguk really doesn’t see it, however. He could never have been so hyper and onewry. If anything, he was a very calm and very professional child when he was younger.

“You know, I’d love to put him in another show I’m working on.” The director mentions, grabbing the young boy's attention.

“A show? Me?!” He looks up at the director with hearts in his eyes, but all Jeongguk can see are red flags clouding his vision.

“Yes, you!” The man assures him. He bends down to be eye level with JK, “What do you think, buddy? Do you want to be a movie star?”

“Yea-!” “No.” 

Both the director and JK turn to the actor. One is very obviously disappointed in his answer, while the other seems taken aback that he wouldn’t want him to be a movie star like-Well, him.

“Why not?” JK asks, confused as to why he himself would say no to such a great thing.

The director awkwardly chuckles, “Jeongguk, I know I need to talk to his parents, but-“ He goes to place a hand on the actor’s shoulder, but Jeongguk stops him before he can touch him.

“I said no.” He repeats, “His parents entrusted him with me to take care of him, not to flaunt him around and sell him into the business.”

“It wouldn’t really be selling-“ The director tries to rationalize the decision again, but Jeongguk isn’t having any of it.

“I don’t care what it would be considered!” He yells, catching the attention of those around him. He can feel their stares, but he’s too angry to care at the Moment, “My brother hated my career and he wouldn’t want this for JK. I’m saying no out of respect for my brother and his wife, and that’s the end of it.”

“But I want to do it! I want to be just like you!” JK pipes up, hopeful that he can change his mind.

Jeongguk knows JK is smart. He knows he knows more than most kids as well, but even if he had all the knowledge in the world, he still wouldn’t change his mind, “I’m sorry, JK, but no.” 

Jeongguk says it like it’s final, and that just confuses JK even more. How come he gets to be an actor, but JK can’t decide he wants to be an actor too? It’s not fair, “Why can’t I decide?”

“Because you’re a kid and kid’s can’t make grown up decisions,” He explains, trying to keep the answer as simple as possible. Even though it’s different, even though he’d be around, even though he’d protect him from all the bad that he faced as a young actor. Jeongguk still wouldn’t let himself make the same mistake, “That’s the end of this.”

Jeongguk goes to leave the set entirely, having run out of the will to stay any longer, but JK isn’t having it. He jumps down from his chair and rushes to grab Jeongguk by the pant leg, “No! I want to do it!”

“JK-“ The actor is stunned, never seeing himself act this way before. JK had been very polite, reserved, and patient up until this point. Could one decision really make him this upset?

“Let me do it!” JK demands, pulling at Jeongguk’s pants. Jeongguk tries to gently nudge him back, but the little boy just won’t give up. He hits at Jeongguk’s hands and even kicks his leg for good measure. That really leaves the actor flabbergasted.

What makes it worse is now everyone is absolutely watching what’s happening. They’re watching him get beat on by a little kid and they’re watching how bad he is at handling the situation. Their eyes are just digging into him.

He doesn’t like that.

“JK! Stop it! We don’t act this way!” Jeongguk scolds, attempting to remain as gentle as possible. He tries to hold him back, but the little boy is relentless. He’s fighting with a passion, and it only makes Jeongguk’s anxiety skyrocket, “JK!”

Before Jeongguk can become anymore frustrated with his younger self, Jin swoops in to the rescue. He picks up JK around his middle, and the boy quickly begins to thrash in Jin’s arms. But unlike Jeongguk, the manager remains calm and composed despite the child kicking and screaming in his arms.

He turns to Jeongguk, “Grab his things and let’s be on our way.” He’s calm, calmer than you’d think someone would be when dealing with an angered child. He’s just so relaxed and at ease even though JK is physically pushing and pulling at him.

“Yeah. Of course.” Jin takes off for the exit and Jeongguk is quick to pack all of JK’s things away. He only had a few stray things, his jacket included. He tries to focus on getting it all tucked away in his bag, rather than focusing on the eyes boring into the back of his head.

He can feel the judgemental stares from others, berating him for not being able to take care of his own nephew. Of course, JK isn’t his real nephew, but he is to everyone else. Because of that, everyone thinks he’s now incapable of taking care of a child. They’re judging him. They’re watching his every move just like everyone else always does.

The feeling makes his skin crawl. He feels cold and itchy at the same time, and his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest. The feeling is so overwhelming, that as soon as JK’s things are in his bag, Jeongguk races after Jin to catch up and escape the unrelenting gazes that bore into him all the way to the door. As soon as he gets through the door and is outside, it’s like a weight lifts itself off of his shoulders. His skin doesn’t feel on fire and he can breathe again.

He doesn’t see Jin or JK, but he still needs to get out of his set clothes. Not wanting to spend much more time at the studio, he rushes to his trailer and just discards his clothes on the couch in front of the door. Once he’s dressed in his original clothes again, he goes to find the car in the lot.

It doesn’t take him long to see Jin walking around the car with JK wrapped around him, softly bouncing him as he walks. He looks like he’s talking, but he’s too far away to hear anything that he might be saying to his younger self. From the looks of it, JK is definitely calm. His head lays on Jin’s broad shoulders, and his body is relaxed. He’s not sure what Jin could have done to ease the beast, but he’s glad he was able to calm him.

Getting closer to the two, Jeongguk can see that JK has actually fallen asleep in the short time it took for them to leave. He must have upset himself so much that he ended up falling asleep on Jin’s shoulder.

“How’d you get him to calm down?” Jeongguk asks when he makes it to the two of them.

“I talked to him.” Jin says, continuing to pat the young boy on his back.

Well, Jeongguk tried talking to him too. He didn’t even try to fight him. But Jin can just pick him up and walk off with him and he’ll be fine? Why didn’t that work for him? “He didn’t really want to talk to me…”

“Yeah, well, he’s a kid. Kid’s don’t want to talk to the person they’re angry with.” Jin calmly explains. He looks over Jeongguk’s things and double checks for JK’s things as well, “Do you have everything?”

“Yeah.” Jin nods in approval and turns to finally open the car door. He cradles JK’s head and goes to put him in the car himself when Jeongguk pipes up again, “Do you need help?”

“No, I have him.” Jin assures, stretching his leg across the backseat to set the boy down and ensure he stays asleep. Even when Jeongguk gets in, Jin already has the boy’s seatbelt on, has leaned his head against his body, and is already scrolling through his phone to check his emails and field calls until later when he has a second.

Jin’s always been better at everything. Better at his emotions, better at taking care of others, better at making others feel warm and welcome. He just knows what to do around others and what to say. He’s the perfect role model and Jeongguk is…

Jeongguk is just nothing compared to him. 

Some days, it just feels like he’s holding Jin back more than anything. He’s his only client, and he’s the only one that refuses to do promotions and talk shows because one wrong move and he runs off-stage. He owes so much to Jin, and he can’t even control his younger self long enough to get home. What kind of man is he?

He can feel a headache coming on. It’s been lingering ever since JK showed up that first night. The stress and anxiety are starting to get to him, but he hasn’t went to ye old faithful yet because he doesn’t want to get drunk in front of him. But not having a drink in so long is making him irritable and unmotivated.

He owes it to Jin to be at his best.

“Hey, Jin?” Jeongguk turns to his manager, and he pauses his typing just long enough to acknowledge him, “Could you watch JK for the night?”

Jin stops looking at his phone altogether, eyeing his client - his friend -up and down as if he’s trying to read more into him. He glances down at the sleeping boy between them, “He’s not not upset with you.”

“I just-...” He tries to think of a good excuse, but there’s no good way to say ‘I just want to have a night to myself to get drunk’ you know? He can only hope Jin can’t read it on his face, “I really just need a night to think about things.”

Jin doesn’t answer right away. He looks at his phone, looks at JK, looks at him, and it’s a good minute before he finally sighs, “Okay, but only one night.” 

“Of course! I just need one night.” Jeongguk assures him.

Just one night to clear his head and get himself on the right track.

*

*

*

Step

Step, Step

Step, Ste-Stumble!

….

Step

One after another, Jeongguk takes careful steps towards the elevator of his building. He hadn’t meant to drink so much the night before, he hadn’t meant to drink for so long that his night turned to day. His alarm barely sobered him up enough to text Jin he was awake and on his way down.

He reaches the elevator and reaches out to press the down button, missing the outlet entirely. He tries 3 more times before he finally places his hand on the wall and feels for the button until he can press it. Luckily for him the doors open as soon as he does.

He takes a careful step into the lift, reaching out in front of him for the railing. He uses it to keep himself balanced while he searches for the floor he needs. He presses one, only to find out he pressed the “close doors” button. He presses another button, but he presses the “door open” button. It takes several more attempts before he finally starts moving down.

3 floors down the elevator stops, doors opening and an older woman stepping on. She eyes him up and down, but Jeongguk just smiles, “What floor?”

“5 please.” She answers with a fake smile of her own.

Jeongguk nods, “Coming right up!” He looks at the keys and tilts his head in confusion. He bends down to get eye level with it, his finger hovering the buttons until he believes he’s found the right one.

“That’s floor 7, dear.”

“Huh?” Jeongguk takes a closer look and sees his mistake. He presses another one, “There we go.”

“That’s floor 4.” She corrects. 

Jeongguk sees and tries again, pressing every button in front of him. He stops once every button is lit up, “That should do it.” 

The poor woman sighs, “Thank you…”

He and the woman stand in silence, stopping on every floor. It must be a relief when she can finally get off on the floor she mentioned, leaving Jeongguk to think about what he’s doing. If he acts like this in front of Jin, then he’ll actually slaughter him. He needs to wake up and sober up.

He decides to stretch himself out. He pulls his arms across his chest one at a time, turning his body to each side with them. He raises both arms up high above him, stretching back before bending down to touch the elevator floor. It helps that his drunken state has forced him to stop on every floor, even if it’s one of the worst things he could have done in his own apartment building.

Just when he thinks stopping on almost every floor couldn’t get worse, the elevator door finally opens up to the lobby.

“What’s he doing?” His younger self asks.

The blonde is mid-stretch when he looks up and makes eye contact with himself from the center of the elevator. He’s stretching to the left with his whole body tilted to the side, and he watches as the younger version of himself tilts his head just like him. His little hand comes up to wave, and he waves back.

His manager is not amused.

“Are you ready to go?” Jin asks.

“Yeah.” The actor stands from his stretch like it’s no big deal, but the doors starting to close have him tripping himself to get out before they close all the way. He almost knocks his shoe off, but he stops himself before his foot can slip out. 

“Good thing I’m a better driver than I am a walker.” He tries to play it off with a laugh, but no laugh can hide his behavior. 

Jin’s unbothered expression digs into Jeongguk like a knife. It’s like every second that his manager spends looking at him is another second that he starts to sober up.

Jin bends down, “JK, come here.” The little boy does so, “Your uncle and I need to use the restroom. Can you be a good boy and go wait on the couch in front of the front desk?” 

He points to the couch where he wants JK to sit and the young boy nods, “Mhm!”

“Thank you so much!” Jin thanks him, taking one of his little hands and squeezing it tightly in his own with a bright smile. He stands so he’s just bent over and places a hand on JK’s back to usher him in the right direction, “Go on. We’ll be right back.” He makes sure he gets there and turns to Jeongguk, only a screen of what used to be a genuine smile, “Follow me. Now.”

Jeongguk follows behind his manager, unaware of his manager’s sudden mood change. He was just confused as to why both he and Jin had to go to the bathroom together. Did he have a change in schedule? Was he doing a lewd scene and didn’t want to mention it in front of JK? The possibility of what could be so important is endless. That’s why Jin shrugging off his jacket and pulling up his sleeves just to wash his hands is so confusing to him.

His manager just sits there, letting the water run. 

No talking. 

No humming. 

Just absolute silence while he stands there next to him.

“I thought you had to use the bathroom?” Jeongguk asks after a minute of this goes by.

“Not me. You.” Without any warning, Jin grabs Jeongguk by the front of his shirt and throws a handful of water into his face. It has the actor jumping back in surprise, taken aback by such random actions. The second handful does nothing to help the situation either.

“Jin! What the hell?!” Jeongguk curses, squirming his way out of Jin’s hold. He wipes the water out of his eyes, “Are you crazy?”

“Am I crazy…?” Jin repeats, “Are you kidding me?!” He turns behind him and locks the bathroom door before charging forward, grabbing Jeongguk by the front of his shirt and pushing him up against the wall. Jeongguk’s back hits first before his head, the younger man letting out a whine of pain. But his manager doesn’t care. He continues to get in the actor’s face, “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Hyung-!” Jeongguk tries to push against him, but Jin’s grip is stronger and more forceful than his.

“I thought when you asked me to watch your nephew last night, that you were using that time to think? Not so you could push off your responsibilities and get so drunk that you’re still inebriated in the morning!” He yells.

“So, I’m still a little out of it, it’s not that bad.” Jeongguk says.

“No, Jeongguk. It is bad.” Jin reiterates, “Your brother trusted his son’s life in your hands, and it is unacceptable for you to endanger it.”

“I’m not endangering him! I just got a little drunk last night-“

“Last night! The point being: You shouldn’t be drunk anymore!” Jin reminds him, “Let alone driving for that matter either! What were you thinking?!”

Jeongguk doesn’t have much to say. Even if he did, he’s not sure Jin would really like what he had to say anyway, “I just got carried away…”

“This is more than carried away, Jeongguk! Carried away is dancing on top of a bar! Carried away is hugging all of your friends 8 times! Carried away is cry-singing Celine Dion at karaoke! This is a dumpster fire!” Jin spews off, absolutely enraged with the actor’s behavior. 

“It’s not like I do this all the time!”

“You don’t do this all the time?” Jin scoffs, “Do you know how many drunk calls I get from you? Do you know how many times I’ve had to bail your ass out of trouble because you refused help? Because anytime that someone does help you, you throw it right out the window?! Do you?!” Jeongguk doesn’t know what to say. It’s his first time ever hearing about this problem. 

“I told myself that I would let you work it out your own way, because I respect you as my client and as my friend. I know how prideful you are and how insistent you are to do everything on your own. But obviously, that was a mistake.” Jin releases his grip on Jeongguk’s shirt and steps back, turning around to collect himself. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his phone, “You can’t go to work like this, let alone take care of a child.”

This seems to wake up the actor just a little more, “I have to go to work. They can’t do my scenes without me.”

“Yeah? Well, you’re not going right now.” Jin says, typing away on his phone without a care in the world for what Jeongguk has to say. 

“Can’t we talk about this a little more?” Jeongguk asks.

Jin audibly sighs, trying to restrain himself. At a Moment like this, though, it’s a little hard to do. But he does, and he turns on his heel to get in front of Jeongguk once again. The actor sinks into the wall, fearing that his manager will grab him again, but he doesn’t. Honestly, Jin is a lot scarier when he doesn’t have his hands on him.

“I am going to take your nephew to get a nice big breakfast and you are going to go back to your apartment and take as many showers as it takes to get rid of the alcohol smell off of you. You’re going to brush your teeth until the taste of mint makes you want to vomit, and then you’re going to drink 2 cups of coffee with toast and only toast. I don’t want to hear a word from you until you’ve done it all.” Jin orders.

“Jin-!”

“Not a word!” Jin repeats, his voice echoing in the small confines of the men’s bathroom. There are tears in the manager’s eyes, and Jeongguk can feel a few tears of his own threatening to fall. Jin just shakes his head as he tries to remain the voice of reason, “You don’t even know how it feels to watch you from the outside. To watch you destroy yourself time and time again just to be brushed off...and I have to lie to everyone that loves you and tell them that you’re okay.”

Jin takes a step away once again, only this time he rolls down his sleeves and grabs his untouched suit jacket, pulling it back on, “Now, we’re going to walk out and we’re both going to look as if nothing’s wrong, because JK doesn’t need to know. You’re going to tell him that you’ll see him later and we’ll be back to pick you up at 1:30 on the dot. Do you understand?”

Jeongguk understands. Maybe not completely, but he’s piecing things together as he’s starting to sober up, “I didn’t mean for it to get this far…”

“Do you understand?” Jin repeats.

“Yes.”

Jin nods, accepting the answer even if it wasn’t what Jeongguk wanted to hear. He unlocks the door to leave and mutters one last thing that Jeongguk can hear, “Of all the people to choose as a namesake and your brother chooses a disappointment.”

It stops Jeongguk in his tracks, stunning the man as he comes to realize just how badly he fucked up. Jin had never said anything that wasn’t truthful to him, he’s always talked to him with his best interest in mind. But this feels like a slap to the face.

And he basically signed off on it himself.

Jeongguk quickly follows behind Jin, trying his best to put on a brave face after being put through the ringer. The manager has already put on his own happy face and is making a B-line to JK who’s waiting patiently on the couch, swinging his little legs back and forth. 

“Hey, JK! Come here~” Jin calls out, waving to the boy. JK is quick to jump off the couch and meet Jin in the middle, an unknowing smile on his face. Jin bends down to his level, “Your uncle doesn’t feel very good, so he’s going to go and try to rest until a bit later on. So, you and I are going to go get breakfast!”

“Really?! Can we get pancakes?” He asks, none the wiser to anything bad that happened in the men’s bathroom.

“We sure can.” Jin assures him. He grabs the boy’s hand and stands to his near full height, “Say goodbye to Jeongguk.”

JK happily waves, “Bye! Feel better!”

Jeongguk waves back, a fake smile plastered on his face as he bids goodbye. It’s only when the two disappear through the glass doors with their backs turned that Jeongguk turns his back as well, dropping his smile.

He returns to his apartment to do as Jin told him to. To take his showers, to brush his teeth, to drink away the alcohol, to do nothing else but think about just how fucked he actually is. Jin had never told him before that he’d called him drunk before. He’d never told him about the warning signs. But he can see it when he thinks more.

He thinks of the other night when Jin showed up with all of their friends. The soup Hoseok had brought with him. How they came as a collective and refused to leave. They knew he was spiraling, and him going MIA made them think the worst. He made them hope it wasn’t the worst.

Or that time he was hungover from the night before, but at least sober. Jin showed up with breakfast, and he was asking weird questions. He asked if he’d wanted to see his therapist instead of sticking to their schedule, or if he’d rather go play video games or something. He’d only be missing a costume fitting, but Jin assured him that it could be rescheduled if he’d wanted.

He said no.

He asked Jin to watch JK so he could pull himself together, and he made an even bigger mess. He’d just wanted to clear his head, and instead he left himself without the ability to think at all. He was supposed to be driving a car that morning, and he was going to show up drunk and put himself, his acting partner, and the whole crew in danger.

How could he have let himself go so far?

He makes the decision then to throw out every last drop of alcohol in his home. Expensive, cheap, cooking, rubbing; it doesn’t matter. He’d throw it all out and never look back. He’d turn himself around. He has to turn himself around.

For them.

He won’t continue to disappoint the only people he has left.

——

True to his word, he’s ready to go by the time Jin and JK get back. He’s outside waiting for them, and he doesn’t waste any time getting in the car. When they get to set, Jeongguk gets into his costume and leaves for hair and makeup. He makes very little conversation, but he tries. He apologizes to the director as soon as he gets on set, and he gets to work. The whole day, he does the best he’s ever done, and it still leaves him unsure as to whether or not he did everything right.

Even so, it doesn’t make the ride home any less awkward. JK once again fell asleep on the way home, having passed out in his chair before they’d even finished filming for the day. Only sounds of soft snores fill the car, and a dull tone from the radio up front for the driver.

But no matter how awkward he feels, he still owes it to Jin to put in the effort that he’s putting towards him.

“I threw out all of my alcohol.” Jeongguk blurts out, having sat in silence debating what to do long enough, “Even the cooking wine.”

The last part makes Jin let out a soft laugh, “It’s not like you actually used the cooking wine anyway.”

“No, I really didn’t…” Jeongguk agrees, laughing about it as well. But laughter wouldn’t hide the seriousness of the conversation, “I’m sorry.”

“I know, Jeongguk.” Jin sighs. He’s known from the moment he threw water on his face that the actor didn’t mean for his actions to hurt himself or others, “I saw it in your face.”

“I’m just-…tired of this.” He admits, something he can only assume he’d done when he was too far gone to remember. 

“Then quit.” His manager tells him.

“What?”Jeongguk asks, totally shocked. 

“Quit if you really can’t do this anymore,” Jin says again, “You don’t need to suffer to do your job, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk just shakes his head in response, “But everyone will hate me.”

“That shouldn’t matter. Who cares about what other people think of you?” Jin asks.

“I do!” Jeongguk yells just a bit too loud. He and Jin both look to JK between them, making sure Jeongguk’s outburst didn’t wake him. He lowers his voice, “I care about what other people think about me. I always have. I can’t just walk away when everyone will hate me for it.”

“Then let us help you.” Jin pleads. He reaches out with a gentle hand and places it on Jeongguk’s shoulder,  “You have friends that are here for you - you have family - but you’ll never get the help you need if you never ask or accept it.”

Jeongguk nods. He understands what he’s saying, but for some reason he still feels so alone, “I just feel like I’m drowning and I don’t know which way is up…”

“You’re going through a rough time, I know. You have for a bit now, and we should have had this conversation a lot sooner. That’s on me.” Jin says, taking full responsibility for something Jeongguk doesn’t think they both take the blame for. “It’s not easy to feel like you’re alone, but you can’t let it affect everyone else. Especially, JK.”

“I know. And I’m going to do better.” Jeongguk assures him. He looks at JK and fixes a stray strand of hair that’s falling in front of his eyes, “For both of you.”

“I hope you do.” Jin nods. The car comes to a stop outside of Jeongguk’s apartment complex and Jin clears his throat, “Alright. Get in there, get him to bed, and get some rest yourself. I’ll get some days off for you next week.”

“Thank you, Jin. For everything that you do and have done for me.” Jeongguk thanks him, truly appreciating the hard work that he does everyday for him.

“Hey, that’s my job as both your manager and your friend.” He assures him. Jeongguk reaches to get JK out of his seat, and Jin stops him for just a second, “Just please know that you can lean on me.”

“I know…” Jeongguk nods.

“Good.” Jeongguk proceeds to remove JK from his car seat, waking the boy just a bit, but quickly cooing him back to sleep. He gets him settled on his hip and waves to Jin one more time before shutting the door. He turns on his way to get some rest, but Jin calls out to him from the window, “Oh and Jeongguk-!”

“Yeah?” He asks, turning over the shoulder without the child.

“I don’t think you’re a disappointment.” Jin confesses, referring to their conversation from earlier, “I said a lot of truths earlier today, but you being a disappointment was not one of them.”

Jeongguk had already come to terms with the way he’s been acting. He knows that he’s been less than his best, and today was not a good day for anyone. Even if Jin didn’t mean what he said, even Jeongguk knows that there’s still some truth to it. But that’s something he needs to come to terms with and push away.

He smiles and nods, “I’ll see you tomorrow, hyung.”

Jeongguk never thought getting a bit of truth off of his chest could feel so good. Who knew talking about something could feel like relief? It feels refreshing. He knows he has a long road to go, but maybe this will be a new beginning for him.

*

*

*

True to his word, Jin managed to get Jeongguk some extra time off next week. It took a lot of rearranging, but he was somehow able to convince the director and his producers that it was for the better. He’s not sure how he did it, but Jin has always had his ways of making the impossible possible. It definitely made getting through a few more days of filming worth it when his break finally came around.

And he made plans for the days he was granted.

“Doesn’t anyone else think this is just a little shady?” Taehyung asks.

He walks down the sidewalk between Hoseok and Namjoon with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jacket. Yoongi and Jimin follow behind them.

“What’s shady?” Jimin asks.

“Jeongguk inviting us to go out!” The photographer says in disbelief, “Not Seokjin on his behalf, not Seokjin forcing us, but Jeongguk picking up his phone and putting in the work to talk to us.”

Hoseok shrugs, “Jin said he and Jeongguk had some kind of come to Jesus Moment.”

“He found religion?” Jimin asks.

Namjoon turns over his shoulder to look at Jimin, “That’s not always what that means.”

“I’m pretty sure in Seokjin terms, that means he beat the shit out of Jeongguk until he figured it out himself.” Yoongi explains.

“Now, that’s something I’ll put money on!” Taehyung laughs, glad someone agrees with him. 

“We’re not putting money on anything!” Hoseok scolds, “We are here to support our friend and whatever it is that he’s wanting to do today.”

“So, we’re emotional support while he gets a haircut?” Jimin asks.

Namjoon comes to a sudden stop and it makes Jimin walk right into him, “I don’t think it’s Jeongguk getting the haircut today…” 

Before them is a hair salon, but it’s very geared towards kids. The outside is decorated in bright colors, with lights on the windows, and handmade drawings hung on display. Through the glass, it’s not hard to miss the cute little playset in the waiting area or the themed chairs for children to sit in.

“I could see him hopping in one of the little planes.” Taehyung jokes, amused just imagining the usually serious actor sitting himself in a plane chair.

Yoongi scoffs, “If he’s drunk, maybe.”

“Maybe he is…” Jimin adds.

“Shit.” Hoseok curses.

He’s the first to enter the salon, the other’s trailing close behind. As soon as the door opens, they listen for the sounds of a sobbing drunk being ridiculed, but the only sounds they hear come from childish giggles, child songs playing over speakers, and the occasional murmur of a hairdryer or clippers.

“Oh, hey, you all showed up.” Sitting just a few seats down to their left is Jin, phone in hand - as per usual - and a coffee resting on the side table next to him. He doesn’t seem very bothered, and Jeongguk is nowhere in sight.

“Yeah, we got Jeongguk’s text.” Yoongi mentions, looking around for the missing actor.

Jin nods and turns back to his phone, “They should be finishing up.”

“They?” Hoseok questions.

“Do you like your hair JK?”

“I love it!”

The group turn to the salon, hearing the familiar voices of their friend and his nephew. The little boy has a brand new haircut, his hair styled back and no longer falling into his eyes. Jeongguk holds his hand as they walk towards them, wearing jeans, a white shirt, and a light green jacket. But most importantly, he’s smiling.

Yoongi turns to Jin with a skeptical look, “What did you give him?”

Jin shrugs, still looking at his phone, “A dose of reality.”

“Is that a code word for crack?” Taehyung asks, watching his friend happily interact with the hair stylist checking them out.

“No, I just talked to him a bit,” Seokjin assures them, “He’s done good so far, so I’ll keep going along until it looks like it’s not helping.”

“Jeongguk! It’s hyungs!” JK suddenly cheers, having spotted them. They turn to the source of the yell, and see the little boy already making a b-line to them at full force.

Jimin steps in front of him and JK opens his arms for the trainer to lift him into the air and toss him up, “Oh! Look at you, JK.”

“You look so handsome today.” Taehyung compliments, crowding the boy with the others.

JK turns red, but he doesn’t shy away, “I know~” They all laugh at his cute confidence. 

Jeongguk walks up not too long after, having to finish paying before he could join, “I’m glad you all made it.”

“Well, it’s not everyday that we get a personal invitation from Jeon Jeongguk himself.” Yoongi teases.

“Are we ready to move this party along?” Jin asks, standing from his seat in the waiting area.

“Yeah.” Jeongguk moves forward to take JK out of Jimin’s arms and set him on the floor, “We have quite a bit planned today, so I hope you’re all okay with that.”

They all look at each other, and it’s Hoseok that answers for them, “Not a problem at all.”

They leave the salon and begin their walk, following after Jeongguk and JK, the younger of the two walking with a dance in his step.

“So, what are we doing today?” Namjoon asks.

“We’re going to the mall!” JK answers, turning around and walking backwards.

Jeongguk grabs onto JK’s hand to keep him on track, “I figured we could actually go and enjoy what they have while JK is with me instead of keeping him in the house or on set all day.”

Taehyung scoffs, “Really? You want to go to the mall-Ow!” He cries out when Yoongi punches him in the side.

“I don’t really want to go, but it’s not about me today.” Jeongguk admits, surprising his friends, “We’re going because JK will like it, and I just needed some backup.” He stops to turn and look at the others for their opinions, “I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s not a problem at all.” Hoseok assures him.

The mall is a quick walk, not too far from the salon that they all met up at. And once they get inside, it’s only a problem of deciding what to do first.

“Where do you wanna go, JK?” Jeongguk asks him, gently squeezing his hand. 

“Um…what’s that?” He asks, pointing to a big sign further down.

“The orange sign?” Namjoon asks, trying to make sure he knows exactly what JK is talking about. He nods and Namjoon looks up again, “It’s a trampoline park. So you get to jump around.”

“Really?” The boy asks, already filling with excitement, “I wanna go there!”

So they do. They all get signed up and purchase their socks, even getting a locker so they can put away what they don’t need. Jin puts the key bracelet around his wrist, having more faith in himself than anyone else to not lose it.

The options for jumping are endless. There’s an area where anyone can just jump freely, mostly filled with kids around JK’s age. Then there are two long tracks leading up to a foam pit where you can do flips or just dive to your heart's content. They have other activities like dodgeball and a dunking range, where you can jump up to the net and dunk a ball. They have so many options and it’s hard to choose just one. The only real option is to try each one at least once.

JK absolutely loves every second. And what’s surprising is how much Jeongguk enjoys it as well. The way he encourages JK to jump higher, and openly challenges the others to join him or do better. For the first time in a long time, they’re seeing the teenager they’d each met before he closed himself off and bottled himself up. It’s a nice change of pace compared to the stick in the mud they’re so used to seeing.

But all that jumping will really work up an appetite.

“Do you know what you want to eat now, JK?” Jin asks again. The food court is huge with almost an endless amount of options. Leaving a decision like that up to a little boy is like asking him what he wants for Christmas.

“Uh…um…” JK looks around the large room again, studying the different signs and trying to pinpoint different smells. There are so many things that sound delicious, but he just can’t decide. He turns to Jin, “I don’t know…”

“It’s okay.” He assures him, patting his shoulder gently. He says it’s okay, but Jin is the biggest foodie in the group. Standing and waiting when he already knows what he wants is torture.

Taehyung comes back with his bag of food, Jimin right behind him. Taehyung stops when he sees JK still standing where they’d left him, “Hey, he still hasn’t gotten food yet?”

JK pouts, “No…”

Jin glares at Taehyung, and he just shrugs, “What?!” He looks to the other’s already sitting with their food as well, but none offer him any help. So, the photographer takes it upon himself. He sets his bag on the table and opens it up, pulling out his burger. He opens it up and offers it to the confused boy, “Here, JK. Do you want a bite of my burger? Maybe that’ll help you decide.”

JK is hesitant, but Taehyung assures him that it’s okay. He grabs onto the burger and takes a small bite. As soon as he does, his eyes light up in excitement.

“Oh! That looks like a happy face!” Taehyung says, “Is that what you want?” He asks.

JK nods, and Jin sighs in relief, “Let’s go get one, okay?”

“Okay!” The two go off to get their food, JK walking with the pep back in his step.

Yoongi laughs watching him, “You know, for the two of you being so similar, you’re so vastly different.”

“Really? You think so?” Jeongguk asks.

“Yeah. The first difference being JK is happy-go-lucky 24/7 and you’re having an energy spurt right now-Ah!” It’s Namjoon that kicks Taehyung under the table, and the photographer whines, “Stop hitting me! I swear to god!”

“What he’s trying to say, is we’re not used to seeing you like this.” Namjoon explains.

“Yeah? Well, I’m trying to do better for myself.” Jeongguk admits, “I know my problem hasn’t really been much of a secret with you guys, and I’m just now working on how to accept outside help.”

“Well, we’re here for you anytime you need it.” Jimin assures him.

“Yeah, it’s not easy doing any of this show business stuff on your own.” Hoseok adds.

“It can be really draining if you’re not careful, and it’ll suck the soul right out of you.” Yoongi agrees. He looks at Jeongguk and scoffs, “But I guess you already know that.” Jeongguk laughs, and it makes the other’s comfortable enough to laugh as well. 

Namjoon looks to where JK is waiting in line with Jin for food and sighs, “I guess it was just a good thing that JK got dropped off with you when he did.”

“You think so?” Jeongguk asks.

“Absolutely!” Jimin agrees, “Ever since he’s come around, you’ve changed.”

“A good change.” Hoseok adds.

Jeongguk nods in understanding. He’s known for a while that he hasn’t been what he used to, and JK coming in and changing up his usual pattern really has helped him to see that and live differently these past few weeks. In a way, JK appearing in his room was like a blessing he never knew he needed. 

“Well, I’m hoping I can make this change last for a long time.”

*

*

*

In the days that he was granted off, Jeongguk had many accomplishments. He started conversations, he smiled at people more, and he let himself just enjoy who he is. It’s something he hasn’t done in quite a while, and it’s been like a breath of fresh air to just enjoy life.

To enjoy being himself.

But with every good day, there comes a bad. And to his credit, Jeongguk has made himself quite a few good days, and he knew when he started that this process of a “new him” wouldn’t be easy. But nobody told him hard would feel impossible.

The day started fine. Get up, get dressed, start breakfast, wake up JK, and get him ready for the day as well. They met Seokjin on time and they made it to set on time. Everything was going just as planned until he got settled in his stylist’s chair and opened his phone.

“Big time actor with a drinking problem? An anonymous source was quoted saying they saw multiple empty bottles in the trash bins of Actor Jeon Jeongguk’s apartment. Click here to read the full article~”

Suddenly, Jeongguk feels small again, like the smallest person in the universe. Of course, he knew he had a drinking problem, and his friends also knew he had a drinking problem. He didn’t know anyone else knew about it as well. And to his credit, maybe they didn’t know. But someone figured it out, and they went through his trash for proof. They did what they could to put him front and center on the cover of some magazine, and they succeeded. 

He can hear Jin now, cursing and yelling at someone on the phone while JK uses a pair of headphones to watch a movie and drown him out. He can see the lights flashing in his eyes, muffled voices molding together and demanding to know if he has a drinking problem, what drove him to it, if he needs help, if it explains his behavior towards the press for who knows how long. 

Every word makes a new thought, and every new thought is like the weight of another bottle being added to his hands. It doesn’t even make him angry that someone would do this. But his anxiety feels like it’s at an all time high. It’s kicked the air out of his lungs, and he just wants to go home and forget it all.

But he can’t go home.

He’s still trapped in a prison cell trying to pretend he’s someone he hasn’t been in a long time.

Even when he does finally make it home, Jeongguk is still bothered by the words he read. Jin said he would take care of it, but Jeongguk still sees them moving in front of him, taunting him to no end. It’s times like this where he wants to drink the pain away, but that would only make everything worse.

He just needs it all to go away! It all just has to disappear and never come back! He just wants peace, and he doesn’t think that’s so much to ask. But being alone right now, is something he won’t get.

Because he still has his younger self to worry about.

—

Ever since Jin asked JK to watch a movie so he could make a phone call, he could tell that something’s been wrong. He guessed it was grown-up stuff since Jin and Jeongguk kept whispering to each other. Grown ups usually whisper around him when they don’t want him to hear about things.

But he does.

He always hears what they don’t want him to. Even if he doesn’t know exactly what’s wrong, he can usually tell that something is wrong. Especially right now. It was hard not to notice Jeongguk looking sadder. He’d been so happy over the past few days, and even in the morning! But then he stopped smiling as much, and that worries him.

“Jeongguk?” JK asks, carefully watching his older self pace around the kitchen. The blonde stops to look at him, but he’s truthfully just going through the motions at the Moment, “Are you okay?”

Jeongguk lets out a frustrated sigh. He was being obvious. Apparently, so obvious that even JK has started to notice that he’s not okay. 

He needs to chill.

“I’m fine, buddy.” Jeongguk lies, putting on a brave front to save face until JK would finally fall asleep.

He comes to join JK in the living room to help ease him, but the little boy isn’t so easily swayed, “But you look really sad…” JK notes, saying Jeongguk’s fears aloud.

Even to someone as young and impressionable as JK, he could even tell that Jeongguk was feeling less than okay. But as his older self, it’s his job to show him that everything is just fine, even when it’s not.

“I’m not sad, I’m just having a rough day.” Jeongguk explains, hoping the little white lie will pass for now.

JK takes the bait, but not in the way Jeongguk was hoping, “Maybe you can take a bath! With bubbles! Tons and tons of bubbles!” JK suggests. A bubble bath is a great idea! They’re warm and tons of fun. JK is sure Jeongguk would love it too. “Bubbles make everything better.”

“I really appreciate you thinking about me buddy, but I don’t really want to take a bath right now.” It’s heartwarming that JK cares so much for him, but also so frustrating that he won’t let Jeongguk drop the subject. He just wants to get through 2 more hours and then go to bed before he has to wake up and face any more bad publicity aimed at him.

“Maybe we can watch a movie?” JK suggests, unaware that while he’s trying to help, it’s not truly helping Jeongguk at the Moment, “Movies make me happy!”

“Not right now, JK.” Jeongguk calmly repeats, keeping his words precise and to the point like Jin had suggested he do.

JK pouts, “But I want to make you feel better.”

Jeongguk sighs, “I don’t want your help right now, buddy.” 

“But I’m a good helper! Mommy says so.” JK assures him, proud that his Mom thinks so highly of him.

“Well, I’m saying no right now.” Jeongguk says, starting to let his frustration seep out. He can feel all the pent up frustration and anxiety that he’s been holding in ready to boil over, and he’s really trying his best not to blow up. But he’s losing his patience every time he has to repeat himself. He just doesn’t see how JK can’t understand.

How he can’t seem to understand.

“But I can-“

“I said no!” Jeongguk repeats, louder than the firm voice that Jin had suggested.

It shocks JK, making him jump in surprise at the outburst. When did Jeongguk get angry? He wonders. He was just trying to help, so why would he be angry? 

“Jeongguk-“

“No! Stop!” Jeongguk pleads. He stands from the couch and moves just past his coffee table, unable to sit any longer. He turns to JK in frustration, “Can’t you just listen the first time I tell you something?! It’s not that hard!”

“I’m sorry…” JK apologizes, voice small. He hadn’t meant to make Jeongguk mad, he just wanted to help.

Jeongguk scoffs, “Sure you are.” He mutters under his breath. But however quiet he may have thought he was, JK still heard him.

“I am! I am sorry!” JK argues.

He jumps off the couch to defend himself, and Jeongguk takes a step back, “Please-“ He holds his hands up in defense, closing his eyes and trying to remind himself to remain calm. The situation is bad enough, and he doesn’t need to add arguing with a child to the list and make it worse for himself, “Just leave me alone.” 

“But I’m here to help you!” JK yells..

“Well, you’re not helping right now. Please sit back down.” Jeongguk begs, hoping more than anything that he’ll listen to him.

But of course, JK doesn’t hear Jeongguk’s pleas. He only hears the accusations that he’s not doing what he knows he’s doing, “I am! I’m helping!”

“JK-“ 

The little boy climbs on top of the coffee table, little hands balled into fists at his sides, “I’m a great helper!” He reminds him.

“Well, you aren’t helping me!” Jeongguk blurts out, “You’ve been nothing but annoying since you got here!”

“I’m not annoying!” JK denies, stomping his foot on the table and defiance.

“Yes! Yes, you are!” Jeongguk argues back, “And you know what else?” The adult asks. He’s past annoyed, and he’s past mad. He’s at a point that he didn’t think he’d get to. A point where the argument doesn’t matter as long as it gets ended. The point in a fight where people get hurt for the sake of being right, “You’re a pain in the ass! You’ve made everything a pain in my ass!”

“Don’t say that! That’s a bad word!” JK scolds, waving a finger at Jeongguk.

“I can say any bad words I want! I’m an adult-“ Jeongguk reminds the young boy, pointing his own finger at him to mirror his actions, “-and I’m the one that’s already lived our life! You don’t know what the real world is like and you need to stop acting like you know!”

“I do know!”

“You don’t see the big picture! All you’re seeing is sunshine and rainbows, and the world isn’t like that! You’re just a baby”

The accusation makes JK‘s lip quiver, “I’m not a baby!”

“You are! You’re a big baby, and you aren’t even real!” Jeongguk fights back, adding more insult to injury.

“Yes, I am!” JK cries back. He’s red in the face now, and his eyes fighting to hold back angry tears that have quickly formed. 

“No! You’re me! And sooner or later, you’re going to leave and it’s just going to be me! Exactly how it should always be! I don’t need you here!” Jeongguk says.

That seems to be what finally breaks the damn for JK. His tears finally fall, and all he can do is yell, “You’re mean! I don’t want to grow up to be like you! I don’t wanna be a meanie!”

“Then leave! Go! See if I care! I never asked for you to show up!” Jeongguk storms away, heading for his living room balcony to lock himself away. JK follows him, but the blonde closes the sliding door on him, sitting with his back against the glass and holding it shut.

“Jeongguk! I’m sorry, Jeongguk!” His little voice wavers with every apology, but it doesn’t reach outside. 

The eldest Jeongguk just throws his hands over his ears in an attempt to keep his thoughts to himself, tears of anger sliding down his own cheeks. He does his best to block out the light tapping against the glass, “I’m not a disappointment….I’m not a bum…I’m not a terrible person…”

“Jeongguk!” The little boy cries again. He doesn’t appreciate being ignored, and it starts to replace his sadness with anger. He stops his tapping with his hands long enough to wipe his eyes and blow his nose into his shirt, taking deep, labored breaths to stop his sobbing. 

Thinking about it, Jeongguk was right. He isn’t helping him. Not if he’s still being mean. He came to help himself, but he’s only made things worse. He doesn’t want himself anymore, and he can’t stay if Jeongguk doesn’t want him. So he slips on his little light up shoes - right on the left and left on the right - and runs off into the night. 

If he couldn’t do his job, then he’d have to go.

——

Jeongguk isn’t sure how anyone can do this. He doesn’t know how people can just manage their emotions, even at their lowest points. Yesterday, he thought everything would be fine, and now he’s back to where he was before JK showed up. Crying on his balcony and feeling sorry for himself.

But he doesn’t have a reason to feel sorry for himself, at least he doesn’t feel that way. He thought he’d feel better if he could just step away, but he just wants to cry more.

What kind of person yells at a child? Who just argues with a small human trying to help him? How do parents manage themselves and a tiny living being with their own rampant emotions? It’s impossible. It’s unimaginable.

And now he’s just an asshole who yelled at a child. Who said things he didn’t mean. Who said what he could to hurt them and then blocked them out. He left JK to cry on his own after yelling such awful things at him, and there was nothing he could do to take that back.

He can only hope that with enough time, JK will forgive him for how terrible of an older JK he truly is.

Jeongguk opens the door back into the apartment, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He doesn’t hear JK, only the sounds of the TV. But after the fight they just had, he’s probably hiding far away from him.

He probably would too.

Jeongguk turns off the TV, “JK? Where are you buddy?” He calls into the apartment. He checks around the living room furniture, but he doesn’t see him hiding anywhere. He even checks behind the kitchen island, but he’s not there. He turns down the hall to his room,  “Hey, I really want to talk to you.”

“JK, I know you’re upset with me! Trust me, I would be too…” Jeongguk mutters that last part to himself, “But I owe you an apology buddy.” He peaks into the bathroom, but JK isn’t shining under the sink or hiding in the bathtub. So Jeongguk continues down the hall, “There was no excuse for me to take my anger out on you. You don’t have to forgive me, but I want you to hear that what I did and said was wrong.”

“JK?” Jeongguk checks JK’s room, but everything looks the same. A little dirty, but fairly well kept. Only a stray toy here and there, but no obvious blanket piles where a child would be hiding. He checks under his bed and in his closet, but JK is still nowhere to be found. It’s starting to worry his older self, “JK?!”

Jeongguk rushes into his room, checking every hiding spot he can think of. But once again, there is no JK. He runs to check by the front door, opening the coat closet and other random storage, but there is no JK in sight. It’s by the door that Jeongguk notices the little house slippers he’d helped JK get on his feet only an hour or so ago are left unattended, his light up sneakers missing.

“Then leave! Go! See if I care! I never asked for you to show up!” He had yelled before barricading himself on the balcony. It echoes in the back of his head like a sick mantra, haunting him as he looks for the missing sneakers.

JK wouldn’t have really left, right? It’s so cold outside, and the rain will only make it colder. If JK really left, then did he take a coat? Where would he have gone? He could be anywhere. He could be with anyone.

Maybe he just went to the lobby.

Jeongguk slips on a pair of sneakers, not even bothering to lace them up before he runs out of his apartment with a jacket thrown over his shoulder. He all but breaks the elevator button, begging and pleading in his mind that it will come faster so he can confirm that JK is just sitting in the lobby. That JK didn’t leave on his own and is angrily waiting for Jeongguk to come and find him.

He’s just trying to scare him.

“JK!” Jeongguk yells, flying out of the elevator and almost knocking over a woman on her way up. He throws an apology over his shoulder, but he doesn’t stop to check on her. His focus is on surveying the lobby.

He runs to the bathroom, the gym, the pool, running in and checking every hiding place without a care in the world for who watches him, “JK! JK, where are you buddy?” 

He asks the front desk attendant if he’s seen him, but he shakes his head. He offers to call every tenant with an empathetic smile, but a smile isn’t going to help Jeongguk. Not if he can’t find JK. 

He runs outside under the awning and yells, “JK?!”

He’s out of breath, close to tears as he looks around. He waits, hoping to hear his voice, but no one yells back. Jeongguk doesn’t know what else to do, and there’s only one person he can think to call at a time like this.

“Yes, Jeongguk?” Jin answers.

“JK is missing!” Jeongguk shouts into the phone, not wasting any time.

“What?” Jin asks.

“He’s missing! We got into an argument and he ran off!” Jeongguk cries. He looks out into the dark night, watching the hard drops of water hit the pavement. JK is somewhere out in this rain all by himself or worse, and he has no clue where to look first. He can’t help but think about what led to this, and how this never would have happened if he could just handle himself like any other adult can! “This is all my fault! Me and my stupid mouth!”

“Okay, calm down.” Jin says. Jeongguk can hear him shuffling around on the other end of the line, “Did you check everywhere? Under the beds, the closets-?”

“I’ve looked everywhere in the apartment and around the building and he’s not here!” Jeongguk repeats, “I don’t know where he could have gone…”

“Okay, I’m getting my shoes on and I’ll be out soon to help you look for him, okay?” Jin asks, trying to assure Jeongguk that he’s not alone in this, “Did you call the others?”

“No! I called you first.” He answers.

“Okay, call the others and ask them to come help, okay? Now, do you remember what he was wearing last?” Jin asks, trying to calm Jeongguk down so he can get helpful answers out of him.

“Uh…” Jeongguk thinks back to the afternoon when he’d spilled water on himself and he had to change into the clothes he didn’t think he’d have to bring with them, “A green dinosaur shirt and black Nike pants!”

“Okay, good. We’re going to need to tell people who we’re looking for, okay? I’ll see you soon.” Jin hangs up the phone, calm and confident. But Jeongguk isn’t quite as confident anymore. Even so, Jeongguk trusts Jin to steer him in the right direction.

Jeongguk makes his calls, walking around the block in the process just to make sure JK isn’t too far from the building. He tells them everything he can, hoping to anything he can think of to help him find JK.

It doesn’t take long for everyone to show up, Yoongi Taehyung and Namjoon pulling beside him to hopefully coax him into the car and bring him back to the lobby of the complex. Jeongguk is soaked from head to toe from searching in the rain without an umbrella, but he’s still itching to get back into the rain and find JK at whatever cost it takes.

“Alright, I alerted the police already. They know we’re looking for a little boy with JK’s description, and they’re going to have the cars patrolling in this neighborhood look around as well.” Jin says, shoving his phone into his coat pocket.

“We should check local restaurants and stores.” Yoongi says, going through a list in his mind of the various locations JK has been to and has wanted to go to.

“We should also look at bus stops too.” Namjoon adds.

“Where have you checked so far Jeongguk?” Hoseok asks. They all turn to the actor, but his mind is somewhere else. He’s locked on a memory of a crying little boy, “Jeongguk!”

“What? Oh!” It takes Jeongguk a second to register the question, “I’ve checked every amenity in the building and the surrounding area, but I haven’t found him yet.”

“There are other apartment complexes in this area too. He might’ve gone inside one to get away from the rain.” Jimin suggests.

“Taehyung and I can go around and check the other apartments.” Hoseok says, claiming his search partner.

“Good.” Jin nods his approval. 

“He might get scared and turn around. I can stay here in case he comes back,” Namjoon offers, “I can check with the apartment security too and see if they have any cameras that might have seen JK.”

Yoongi pulls out his car keys and grabs onto Jimin’s jacket ready to go, “Jimin and I will check restaurants and stores nearby.”

Jin nods, “Jeongguk and I will keep going on foot and see if we find him hiding in a gazebo or something. If you hear anything, then send it to the group chat.”

Everyone takes off in their assigned directions, not wasting any time to get out and look. As soon as he gets the clear, Jeongguk is running off into the rain again. Jin is hot on his trail, his feet stomping behind the actor’s.

“JK!” Jeongguk yells, hands cupped around his mouth, “Jeongguk!” He scans the area for any movement or any brightly colored green shirts, but he doesn’t find anything. He coughs, his throat hurting from the yelling and winded from running, “Jeongguk, please! Answer me!”

“Jeongguk!” “Jin shouts behind him, struggling to keep up with him, “Jeongguk, stop!”

Jeongguk stops for only a Moment so Jin can catch up, “We have to keep going, hyung! I have to find him!”

“I know, but just stop for a second!” Jin pleads, barely holding onto the sleeve of the blonde’s jacket, “If you keep running like you are then you might miss him!” 

Jeongguk does as he’s asked, letting his body rest for a minute so he can look around him. He’s run quite a bit in a short amount of time, but there’s no telling how far JK’s gone in that same amount, “I can’t let him get even farther.”

“Stop going through the motions!” Jin scolds, “If you keep going through the motions, then you’re never going to see the big picture. You’ll only be blinded by the finish line and not the task at hand!”

Jin’s right. Jeongguk’s only been scanning the area around him. He hasn’t been looking-looking. He’s just hoping he’ll catch a glimpse, but if he keeps doing that then that glimpse is going to go right past him. 

He looks around the area they’re in again. They’ve walked through it once when Jeongguk was first trying to figure out what to do with JK. He’d brought JK to play so he could think about what he could do next, and about the lie he’d create until JK would disappear. He was thinking about the finish line and didn’t even pay attention to the task at hand.

Taking care of JK.

Jeongguk takes two steps back before turning around into a full sprint. He takes off through the park until he reaches the large play set he’s only seen one other time.

“It’s so big! Do you play here a lot?” JK had asked him, staring at the castle-like play set in awe..

Jeongguk only shrugged in response, “Not really. Big kids don’t play in kid’s castles.”

“Well, if I were as big as you, I’d live here instead.” He’d said.

He can only hope that this is where he went.

“JK? Are you here?!” Jeongguk asks, running through the lower parts of the playground. He checks under slides and in small alcoves with cut outs to wave to their parents, “JK, please! Where are you?! Please answer me!”

He turns his face to the sky, letting the cold droplets torment him. Through the trees he can see the vague light from the stars above him, and he can only wonder if JK can see them too.

“I’m sorry…” He whimpers, tearing up at the thought of never seeing JK again. Wondering just how scared and alone he’s feeling at the moment. All because of him. He wanted a chance to talk to himself and convince himself that their life wasn’t all that great, but it didn’t work. He only made a mess of things, and he wants to take it all back, “I never should have said those things to you, JK…I never should have yelled at you. I never should have shut you out. I never should have tried to change who you are….Who we are.”

Jeongguk lets out a choked sob, “I just want you to be okay…”

…

Achoo!

The sneeze is quiet, almost going unheard over the rain, but Jeongguk manages to pick it up. Then he hears another.

Achoo!

“JK…?” He mutters to himself. He hears a small sniffle in the same direction and follows it, climbing up a small rock climbing wall to get on the play set. He walks down the narrow walkway to follow the sounds he heard until he finally sees bright, colorful lights from JK’s light up shoes go off in a plastic tunnel up ahead, “JK!”

Jeongguk rushes to the tunnel, falling to the floor and finding the little boy laying down on his side out of the rain. He doesn’t move.

“JK! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Jeongguk asks, gently grabbing JK at the knees and pulling him into his arms. His clothes are just as soaked as Jeongguk’s, and his face is all red and puffy. Jeongguk puts a hand against his cheek and moves it to his forehead, “You’re freezing…Here-!” Jeongguk shrugs off the coat he put over his shoulder. The outside was soaked, but the inside is at least mostly dry and will warm him up until they get back to the apartment. He wraps it around him and zips it up to his puffy cheeks, “There you go. We’re gonna get you nice and warm, and then we can tell everyone you’re okay.”

JK looks at him, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t make any move of acknowledgement and it worries the actor.

“JK?” Jeongguk asks again, worried. He looks down to make sure the boy isn’t hurt, but all he sees are his sneakers on the wrong feet, “Your shoes are on the wrong feet. Do they hurt?” 

Silence.

“Let’s get these fixed and then we can go home.” Jeongguk says. He goes to remove his shoes, but JK moves his feet away from him.

“I don’t want to go home with you…” JK mutters, his little voice hoarse from all the crying and yelling he’d done, “You don’t love me.”

“What?! Of course I love you! You’re me!” Jeongguk reminds him. He moves a hand to cup JK’s cheek, “I was just upset earlier, that’s all.”

JK pushes his hand away, “You said I’m not real!”

“No! I mean- Yes, I did say that, but no! I was wrong. You are real. You’re every much a part of me as I am, okay?” Jeongguk asks. He places his hand on JK’s arm instead and gently rubs his hand up and down, “I got mad at someone else, and I took that out on you. I hurt you, and I had no excuse to do that. No matter how angry I was.”

That only seems to make whatever leftover tears the boy has fall down his cheeks, “I don’t want to grow into a mean adult! I want to be cool when I grow up.”

“You will. We will.” Jeongguk assures him, trying his best to comfort himself.

“But you’re mean-“ JK chokes on a sob, “-and you say things that hurt.”

“I know, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to apologize for how I’ve treated us enough.” Jeongguk admits, trying to keep himself from crying as well, “I promise you, that I am going to be so much better for the both of us.”

“Really?” JK asks. 

“Really.” Jeongguk nods. He adjusts JK on his lap and holds him tighter in an embrace, pressing their heads together, “I’m going to stop being a big old meanie pants and I’m going to get help. I’m going to rely on my friends and I’m going to make sure our job and what we do is actually fun and I’m going to be nicer.”

This seems to appease the little boy, and his sobs seem to calm down. But it’s still not quite enough, “And-…?”

“And what?” Jeongguk asks, curious as to what he could have missed.

“Aren’t you going to love yourself too?” JK asks, as if that itself is the most obvious question in the world.

And it is.

Jeongguk pulls back and moves them into a hug, “I will…I will do better to love myself. And I’ll do it because you reminded me what it’s like to be me. I’m grown now, but I don’t need to stop enjoying the simple things in life. I can still have childish fun! I know this because you reminded me.”

“But you said you don’t need me.” JK reminds him, playing with his hands inside of the coat Jeongguk put on him.

Jeongguk pulls away to look the little boy in the eye, “I was wrong. I was so terribly, and incredibly wrong to think that I don’t need you!” Jeongguk assures him. He pulls him into another hug and squeezes him tight, “I think I’ve needed you for a long time.”

“You mean it?”

“I do.” The blonde nods, “I promise that I’m going to make today up to you. We’re going to have so much fun this week, and you don’t have to forgive me for anything. I just need you to know that I need you.”

“I need you too…” JK smiles, happy to have finally helped.

*

*

*

After all was said and done the other night, the others didn’t scold Jeongguk too much. All things considered, the actor learned his lesson in how to talk to children fairly well. They mostly spent their time that night drying their clothes and making sure JK was warm, fed, and happy.

He did end up running a fever that next day, and Jeongguk stayed by him all day. He made sure he took his medicine on time, made sure he wasn’t bored, and even made sure he slept well. 

Of course, they had to deal with the repercussions of the article. But Jeongguk was more than happy to come forward with the truth. He came clean and told everyone of his struggles and why he felt the need to turn to something so harmful to him. He detailed how the problem stemmed from his need to be perfect at everything, and that was silly because no one could be perfect at everything.

He asked that everyone respect his privacy on the matter, but that he was definitely seeking help and turning it all around. He even talked about funding a program in the future to help those struggling with addiction. The media seemed to take it well enough, but his current show did not.

They dropped him.

But there would be more opportunities. Leaving this one would only ensure that he could take the time he needs to heal himself. Both him and his younger self. That’s probably why he’s found himself climbing through a half shut gate after his hyungs.

“Are we allowed to be here, Taehyung?” Namjoon asks, eyeing the barely open gate wearily.

The photographer only nods, “It’s public property.”

“Public property doesn’t usually have a lock.” Jin comments, standing beside Namjoon debating what would be best to tell his lawyer.

“Will you guys just live a little?” Taehyung groans. He lifts up his camera and takes a candid shot, throwing his arms into the air and spinning in the open area of the rooftop, “This spot is great for a photoshoot!”

Yoongi sighs, “If the police get called, just remember we don’t have to run fast. Just faster than him.” He decides against slipping through the crack in the chain, and instead climbs up and over the fence.

Namjoon and Jin share another look, but they’re outnumbered. Everyone else is already either inside the gate or squeezing their way in. Someone would have to make sure there’s no way they get arrested.

The rooftop itself is secluded, but there’s a few old mattresses thrown around. Some older magazines litter the area around it, and a few crates that are turned over as if they’ve been used as chairs.

“Have you been up here before?” Hoseok asks

“I told you guys, this is public property despite what you may think.” Taehyung teases, “I just thought it would be nice up here, don’t you?”

“You can see everything up here!” JK cheers, looking at the area around him. He spots something in the distance and takes off for the edge, Jeongguk quickly running after him before he can make it to the edge, “Look! We live over there!”

“Yeah! We sure do!” Jeongguk agrees, his hands holding tight onto the little boy’s shoulder. He pulls him closer to his front and slowly takes a few steps back with him, “Let’s stay away from the edge though, okay?”

JK nods, “Okay.”

“So, Director Taehyung~“ Jimin teases, turning to his friend, “Where do you want us?”

Taehyung sighs, a cheeky smile on his face, “I thought you guys would never ask.”

Their photoshoot is mostly candid shots. Taehyung will explain what he wants them to do, and then he’ll just let them do whatever while he takes their photos. Sometimes he’ll even set his camera to record and hop in with them, planning to take stills afterwards in his studio. It’s not much different from normal photo shoots with him, but it’s much more relaxed up on the rooftop.

Everyone works to incorporate JK into the shots as well. They all take turns posing with him, helping him understand what Taehyung asks, and just having fun with him in general. Jeongguk and JK definitely get quite a few shots together.

Individual shots are definitely much more lax with just them. They all cheer and holler, hyping up the person posing. They make suggestions, and cheer even louder when their suggestions are taken. Even Taehyung gets some photos of his own - courtesy of Jimin. Though, no one had more cheers than JK.

Jeongguk’s were definitely something. The others were taking him all over, fawning over his poses and his expressions. But his favorite pose had to have been on the crate.

Taehyung had brought one over - near the edge of the building but not too close and asked him to hop up, “I want you to pretend as though you’re weightless.” Taehyung had said.

Weightless.

Jeongguk hasn’t known what weightless feels like in a long time. 

Standing on the crate, he put his arms up like a bird and tried to imagine what weightless might feel like. Maybe like a breath of fresh air? Maybe it’s like seeing the finished product for something you worked hard on? Maybe weightless is as simple as eating your favorite food? There are so many possibilities but no one seems like the only answer. 

But there’s a part of him that thinks of the most recent fun he’s had. Going out with his friends, being himself, enjoying time with JK…those all make his heart skip a beat. Not in the “love butterflies” kind of way, but the “happiness butterflies” in a sense. This butterflies you get when you’re just content with where you are, and it makes you so happy that it makes your stomach flutter.

Maybe that’s weightless. 

Maybe that’s what helps him feel like he’s weightless.

Maybe he’d never really know the answer.

But maybe he doesn’t need to.

Thankfully, by the time their photoshoot is over, no one gets arrested. As a reward, Jin suggests they all leave to get ice cream. Of course, with JK being on board, no one is against it.

The little boy happily eats away at his sunday, watching Taehyung click through picture after picture. Both of them - the child and the even bigger child - are content to sit at their own table.

Jin sits down between Jeongguk and Yoongi and sighs, “You know, I’m gonna miss having JK around when his parents get back.”

Hoseok scoffs from the other side of the table, “I bet they’re going to miss all that alone time!”

Jimin laughs, “What are you going to do with all of that free time you get, Jeongguk?” He asks.

The blonde shrugs, “Maybe I’ll try a new hobby…” He stares down at his ice cream, moving it around with his spoon. He hasn’t thought too much about his plans from here, but maybe that’s because he already has an idea in the back of his mind, “I do like the idea of starting an organization.”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Yoongi agrees, “It might be healing in more ways than one.”

Jeongguk nods and turns to look at his younger self chatting with Taehyung, “Yeah…but I’m going to miss having him around…”  

JK has easily become a constant in JK’s life in the short amount of time that he’s been with him. He’s grown used to his younger self, even if his getting there wasn’t the most ideal. But the knowledge that JK won’t be there forever still haunts him. Part of him is worried that after he leaves he’ll go back to the way he was before. Another part of him doesn’t want him to leave at all. But if the universe brought him here without his acceptance, then it would take him away too.

Jeongguk sighs, “I’ll just enjoy however many days I have left with him.”

—-

Later that night, Jeongguk is laying in bed staring up at the ceiling. Next to his head, his phone plays a soft instrumental. He feels calm and at peace. He just feels so much better than he did weeks ago.

“Jeongguk…?”

Jeongguk sits up on his elbow, finding the boy standing in the doorway with the large plush bunny that Yoongi swears Jimin bought him, “Yeah, buddy?”

“Can I sleep with you?” JK asks.

“Sure.” Jeongguk moves the blankets off of his lap, allowing the boy to climb into the bed next to the blonde so he can tuck him in, “There you go. Are you warm?”

JK nods, “Mhm…”

“Can’t sleep?” Jeongguk asks, laying down next to his younger self and his bunny. The boy shakes his head and Jeongguk reaches out to rub his arm, “What’s bothering you?”

JK shrugs, squeezing his bunny closer, “Are you happy now?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’m happy. Why?” Jeongguk asks. JK doesn’t answer, and Jeongguk worries that he’s thinking back to their fight, “Are you still thinking about what I said to you when I was mad?”

The boy shakes his head, “No, I know you didn’t mean it…I just want to know you’ll be okay.”

“Of course I will! Why wouldn’t I be?” Jeongguk asks.

“Well…” JK trails off, looking from his older self to the window, “You’re happy now. Now that you’re happy, I have to leave.”

This takes Jeongguk by surprise, “What?” He knew that JK wouldn’t be able to stay forever, but this is so sudden, “What do you mean you have to leave soon?”

“Because you’re happy again!” JK repeats, “My job is almost done.”

“Your job?” Jeongguk asks, confused.

JK nods, “I was sent to make you happy again. So you could talk to me and bring out your inner child.”

“My inner child?” Jeongguk repeats, “You?”

JK smiles, “Mhm! You haven’t seen me in a really long time.” 

“Wait-!” Jeongguk sits up, “-you’ve known this whole time? Why didn’t you say anything?”

JK shrugs, “They told me not to.”

“They?”

“The stars.” JK says, pointing out the window, “They said you were really sad and that you wanted to talk to me,” He explains, “They didn’t tell me how sad you’d be though.”

It’s hard to believe, but it makes more sense than someone conditioning their child - who looks suspiciously like him - to know everything about him. It would explain why he just randomly showed up one night, and Jeongguk has a suspicion that it had to do with one of his drunk escapades.

“So, you really were sent to help me…” 

“Mhm! And now my job’s done…” JK says again. Although the young boy seems proud, he seems almost sad. Like he doesn’t want to go.

Jeongguk lays back down and moves an arm under JK to rub his back, “Well, I’m happy that we met each other.” He leans in close to JK and smiles, cupping a hand over his mouth to whisper to him, “Do you have to go?”

“I do, but I won’t be gone-gone.” He whispers back, giggling at the secrecy from the universe. He lets go of his bunny just long enough to poke Jeongguk’s chest,  “I’m right here.”

“In my heart?” Jeongguk asks.

JK devolves into a fit of giggles, “In you, silly!”

“Yes, yes! Silly me.” The blonde agrees, laughing to himself. He’d miss that giggle of his…

JK pokes the blonde’s chest again, “Jeongguk?” 

“Yes, Jeongguk?” He answers playfully.

But the little boy is only slightly amused, “Please go and see, Mom. She’s worried about us. About you…” Jeongguk tilts his head, as if asking how he knows and JK hides his face in his plush,  “I heard Jin talking to her on the phone after your talk with the news people.”

It’d been awhile since Jeongguk last spoke to his Mom and actually meant to talk to her. Years since the last meaningful conversation he had with her. He used to talk to her all the time, and then once a week, and then once a month, until he only ever called to please her. It wasn’t that she was overbearing or demanding, but because he could tell she was worried about him. And he couldn’t worry her or burden her with his failures.

But a good talk with his mother is long overdue.

“I will.” Jeongguk promises, taking JK’s smaller pinky in his bigger one, “I’m going to turn it all around. For us.”

“Can I hold your hand before I go?” JK asks. His voice is small, and though he may be trying to hide it, Jeongguk can hear the waver in his voice.

He releases the boy’s pinky in exchange for his hand, squeezing it lightly for comfort - and not just for the boy, “You can always hold my hand.” 

JK nods and closes his eyes, resting his head on top of the plush where JK can see him more clearly. Jeongguk watches him for a minute, taking in how he looks now so he can remember this Moment for as long as his memory will let him. An opportunity like this doesn’t come to everyone, but he’ll be damned if he wastes his more than he has.

He almost doesn’t want to close his eyes, afraid that if he blinks, that JK will just disappear. But it seems JK can sense that as well.

“Jeongguk?” JK mumbles, eyes still closed. The blonde hums in response, rubbing his thumb over the back of the boy’s hand. JK smiles,  “I’m really happy I met you too.”

It’s an unspoken goodbye, one that says I’m leaving, but I won’t go very far. It’s comforting. It encourages Jeongguk to let his eyes close and just enjoy what he has right now. 

Maybe if he’s lucky, they can dream together.

*

*

*

The morning light shines through the open curtains of Jeongguk’s room, the morning breeze drifting in from his bedroom balcony. It’s been left open, as if someone had snuck in in the middle of the night and left it open. The breeze is chilly, but it feels refreshing.

Rejuvenating.

Jeongguk slowly opens his eyes, blinking once - twice - as he tries to get a grip on his surroundings. There’s a weight in his arms, and looking down, he sees the plush that JK had brought to bed with him.

No JK.

Jeongguk sits up in his bed, lifting his hands to his face to rub the sleep from his eyes. Only, he doesn’t truly feel tired. He feels almost as if he’s already eaten breakfast and showered. He feels like someone came in and washed him over in his sleep.

He leaves his bed, leaving the bunny tangled in his sheets. He stops by JK’s room just to double check, but no JK. The bathroom is wide open and clear when he walks by, and the living room and kitchen are free of any sign of the boy. A sense of worry doesn’t fill him this time, however. Instead, Jeongguk feels a sense of understanding. Like, JK not being there is exactly as it should be. 

Jeongguk walks by a decorative mirror and stops, spotting something different in the mirror. His hair is no longer the blonde that he had bleached it, but light brown. It’s like mix between his old blonde and JK’s dark brown. It’s almost as if the two mixed together in the night, and created a new person to continue on.

In a way, Jeongguk does kind of feel brand new. 

The weight that’s been sitting on his shoulders is gone. It no longer weighs over him, waiting for him to slip up so it can crush him. No, it’s been lifted like balloons released into the sky. He feels as though he could do anything.

But there’s only one thing that Jeongguk can think to do at this moment.

He goes back to his room and digs his phone out of his sheets. He scrolls through his apps before finding exactly what he’s looking for, bringing it to his ear and waiting.

“Hello?” A woman’s groggy voice answers, still half asleep.

“Mom. It’s me, Jeongguk.” He answers, “Do you have time to talk?”

Maybe he would never be perfect. 

Maybe he’ll never get another opportunity.

But at least he’ll have himself and what’s important to him.

And that’s all that truly matters.

[yonkimint]

We don't like how tae has been behaving all along BUT like see things from his perspective too! We are told the story largely from y/ns perspective and not from tae's. There might be reasons behind. We all know y/ns hesitation regarding expressing her feelings for tae, maybe he has the same? Maybe he hinted them before but y/n didn't pick it up? And he stopped, thinking that's definitely stupid, for, come on, fear of losing your friendship over some unrequited feelings is very real. ( Y/n too is guilty of it) I'm not justifying is behaviour but saying there might be more to it. Plus, i love how y/n stands up for herself FINALLY in front of tae, and not letting him dictate the course. Bro, because no deserves to feel like they are someone's convenience. Also, it's hard to adjust to the changing dynamic of any relationship. If one was someone's priority and suddenly they are not, you tend to hurt. And if no one is taking your side, you usually react the same way as tae does here- albeit not publicly, cause people prefer to wallow in private- but it's not unheard. Y/n on the other hand, ALWAYS had people to support her. She too didn't express her feelings and wanted more from him WITHOUT letting him know. How is that any better? Tae doing the same thing riles everyone up. We heard he is not a good friend too, but maybe does things for her that he publically does not acknowledge? All I'm saying things are from Y/Ns' POV. and maybe he started dating Hana to move on from her but failed miserably? It's not like he doesn't love Hana which he does and that's why he spent time with her, but he wanted to sure of his feelings so that he may not hurt them both before letting her into his group. But because they insisted he introduced her before actually evaluating his own stand completely and hence hurt both her and y/n. I'm NOT justifying his acts but saying that because we see it from her pov we might be ignoring his, and a story always has two sides to it. ANYWAYS. Can't wait to see where this goes. And Bogum, oh my goddd. The way he handled the situation, get me a man like that pls🥺

Okay but can I just say you literally just came from heaven with this ask!!!! It’s exactly how I feel about the whole situation! I still want to encourage everyone to have their own opinions but it’s been really discouraging seeing everyone react like Tae is this huge villain for the way things have panned out. Like his friends all took Baby Jung’s side for reasons he can probably guess but which have never been confirmed to him. Yes, if he knew how y/n felt, he should have talked to her about it. Yes, it was dumb to get into a relationship if he wasn’t totally certain of it but like you said, he also got outed before he was ready.

I love my boy Tae and while he isn’t perfect by any means, I think his actions are understandable even if he went to the extreme. But I guess that’s also the beauty of self-insert fics, y’all are really empathizing with y/n and right now Tae does seem like the bad guy but try to imagine it from his perspective.

He gets a girlfriend and before he can even tell anyone, his best friend disappears for 3 days, all his friends blame him for it and his relationship gets outed before he’s ready, his friends continue to hate on him except for y/n who is trying to be supportive but he can still feel her pulling away, then all of the sudden SHE has a boyfriend? He can cope with that, that’s fair even if it does seem a little coincidental but then he find out this guy said the L word to her (something he hasn’t been able to say in over a decade of knowing her)? He sees red. He doesn’t know why. He hasn’t accepted his feelings but he also hasn’t had time to process anything in between him and Hana getting together and all this. Now y/n is threatening to end their friendship? He’s panicking, y’all!

Again, his actions might still be wrong but he feels like his life is spiraling out of control and he’s just reacting and not thinking. He’s gonna get it together, I promise!

Anyway, you took the words right out of my mouth so THANK YOU for this! I was just telling my bestie that I was losing motivation to write the end of this AU because what if people didn’t forgive Tae in the end no matter what he does? I hope you’ll all keep in mind his perspective even if I don’t always write from it! And also, it’s an angsty fic in general but it’s going to have a happy ending!

Sorry if this was rambly or didn’t make sense. I’ve been trying to keep my opinions to myself but I love this Tae so much even though he’s an idiot!

Also, Bogum remains the only man ever and in real life, I hope all of you find a person like that! He’s so cool! 🙌🏻

[suitsusboth]

Season 2 simultaneously makes happy and sad. Happy because I think I over all enjoy it for what it is, but it could have been so much better.

Highlights of my favourite scenes:

— Anthony’s interviews in episode one (hysterical)

— their first meeting in the park (cute and fun)

— Kate overhearing Anthony with his ‘friends’ on the terrace and handing him his ass (amazing — perfectly set up their conflict) (side note I loved that she went looking for him 🥺)

— shutting the door on Anthony’s face and smirking (peak comedy)

— fencing (I love sibling scenes!)

— the whole races scene

— Pall Mall and the Bee Scene

— the flashbacks (heart wrenching and so well acted!)

— Pretty much all of Daphne at Aubrey Hall

— the harmony ball (pure Bridgerton family fun!)

— the gazebo (though, I think it was weirdly edited and I will never get over it being outside where they could have been easily caught)

— the Featherington ball dance (literally makes me wanna cry)

— Anthony’s speech (literal perfection, the best thing I’ve heard, no notes)

The bad:

I think the writing was very clunky and not cohesive throughout the entire season. I think episode six really highlights this, but it’s all over for a lot of characters. The Bridgertons themselves also felt very off to me as well. I didn’t feel the family love and playfulness as much as I did season one. At points they were literally downright mean to Anthony for no reason. I think they were going for teasing but really missed the mark. I hope that is improved for the next season. (They we’re also downright oblivious? Violet and Benedict especially?)

I know they’ve started to market this as an ensemble show, which sure okay I can see the thought process, however — you have to promote the main leads and storyline better!!! Also…maybe have better subplots? I can’t really say I found any of the other characters stories this season particularly interesting. Lady Featherington’s one especially, Colin’s and Eloise’s. I mean I sort of understand what they were doing - they were setting up season 3 just as they did season 1 for Anthony. But it didn’t interest me as much (note I went into season 1 knowing nothing and not particularly loving Anthony at first but he grew on me!)

Kate felt very sidelined to me at points throughout the season I would have loved to have seen her more fleshed out and I think this ultimately comes down to the lack of the Sharma family set up. The dynamic was odd. To me, I didn’t see a loving and caring family.

I think they tried to get Kate to mirror Anthony a little too much by her taking on the at the time traditional masculine role. Realistically for the time, Kate marrying would have been the best way to secure her family’s safety. I understand they wanted to close the age gap (totally fine with that, the age gap between E + A creeps me out, same with any other big age gaps in the show/books). The backstory just didn’t make sense. I would have loved to have seen Mary be more of an active character, she was completely sidelined and basically made out to be a absent parent? Like she didn’t care that much about Kate at all and arguably Edwina too. She just sort of let everyone else do everything. I think if Mary knew about the Sheffield plan along with Kate would have been interesting. I understand keeping it from Edwina so she could find a match without this overhead pressure.

Finally…the Edwina of it all. I think they focused so much on Edwina not being a plot device she kind of was anyways? They really dumbed her down and while she had some lovely moments (the Penelope at the party, when she spoke to Anthony about her love of literature etc). I really thought for a while she would cotton on to what was happening (Aubrey Hall, the lake scene etc) but nope. The wedding was painful to watch for a variety of reasons (I think it’s my least favourite episode and should never have happened but hey that’s television) but this really started the decline of the character and that’s just down to poor writing. It honestly felt like they wrote that episode first and then tried to work around it and it just didn’t work. (I also want to say I think the actress did an amazing job with what she was given, my complaints are in no way directed towards her). The immediate shift of blame to Kate as odd to me too. I’ve seen it been said that Edwina is more upset with Kate because she loves her more but to me at least it was obvious Kate had feeling for Anthony during the bangle bit but for sure that Anthony had a thing for Kate. I don’t know that’s just my interpretation. And I’m not saying the justification for Edwina’s anger wasn’t there, I understand the reaction. There’s just somethings you can’t forgive coughcoughHALFSISTERcoughcough. Her also taking forever to decide to go through with it was weird to me too (personally would have called it off immediately but hey that’s me) and really dragged the episode out. Finally I remember watching Edwina’s big speech in chapel with K + A and the whole “you have lost your power” but I got so confused I had to replay the scene I couple of times because none of it made any sense??? tldr: episode six was a mess.

What I would have found more interesting for Edwina would have been her not enjoying the Diamond title and the Ton as much as she thought she would and realising maybe this life wasn’t actually what she wanted (also befriending Eloise and having intellectual conversations would have been cool!). Also…meeting a cute scholar would have been nice (justice for mr bagwell)