#she's never vulnerable for the sake of it. of being trusting. of being open with your partner - which tom values a lot

[tinylilvalery]

Shiv weaponises her vulnerability to victimise herself to force Tom into forgiving her [1][2] + doesn't respect his boundaries [3][4] when he needs space from her.

1. In 1.10 Shiv comes clean to Tom on their wedding night about her cheating on him, AFTER their marriage (despite Tom asking her beforehand and giving her a chance then). Shiv weaponises her vulnerability into forcing Tom to forgive her, bringing up how when they met she was a "mess" and in a "very bad place" and how she needs him and also tries to gaslight Tom about their relationship never being monogamous. He forgives her because he's in a difficult position (divorce on the same night as marriage?? She didn't give him an out to call off the wedding beforehand and waited until after he was secured), he loves her, and he's forced to sympathise and accept things.

2. Shiv only apologises to Tom when she sees how cold he's being with her in 4.8. There's real danger he's actually done with the relationship. The kicked dog isn't returning to heel. She apologises. He doesn't accept it (you don't have to accept an apology, especially if you're still upset and someone is tryna force an apology on you because THEY feel bad and want to alleviate their guilt and return things to something that THEY'RE comfortable with). She uses the fact that her dad just died, which doesn't change the fact that everything he said in the prior fight was true. Their relationship had been shit for ages prior to Logan's death, therefore Logan's death doesn't excuse the rest of the relationship, and he's still immovable. Damn, he's always comforted and folded to her before, he's not doing that right now. Shit. Bring out the heavy. I'm pregnant and it's yours! The ultimate card to reel him back. He wanted a baby right? But he doesn't even believe her now... Why should he care anyway? How much has she ever cared about him?

3. In 4.7 Tom walks away from Shiv and goes to the balcony, needing space, telling Shiv he's tired. She doesn't respect this need for space and corners him on the balcony, literally not allowing him any reprieve, and actively mocks him for being exhausted, pressing and pressing him until he snaps, despite the fact he didn't even want to fight in the first place. He needed space and wasn't allowed to have it.

4. Tom is exhausted and stressed out of his mind in 4.8 with his job (something that means the world to him and yet also something Shiv has never taken seriously - and how could she understand the importance it holds for him when she's a nepo baby). He asks Shiv to talk about this another time and that he can't do this right now. She doesn't respect his request and presses her needs above his and takes him aside again and isolates him, and then acts surprised and offended when he doesn't respond how she wants him to. Ironically if she had actually respected him asking to talk another time when he wasn't so stressed, she might have gotten the results she wanted: Tom back in her pocket.

[antoncyng]

౨ৎ. save my heart — l.mk

synopsis - while your bestfriend saved the city as the friendly neighborhood “spider-man”, he also gets caught up in saving your heart from a lost love.

warning(s) - fluff, slightly angst..? happy ending tho, kissing, spiderman!mark x fem!reader, slightly suggestive towards the end?, mentions of injuries and blood, bestfriends to lovers.

word count - 0.7k (731)

another night studying, calming music from your favorite group currently, TWS. the studying was seriously starting to get to your head, you felt it pounding as your rubbed your forehead, finally putting down your pencil for a break after hours and hours, then you heard it.

knock, knock, knock

you knew who and what it was just by the rhythm of knocks, it was your bestfriend, mark lee. other than your bestfriend, mark was also a well known superhero in your city, as well as around the world. his story about being bitten by a radioactive spider went viral, turning him into the friendly neighborhood spiderman.

you've made a realization over the years that you had gained feelings for your bestfriend, but having to push away your feelings for the sake of friendship and trust wasn't easy. ever since you made realization of these feelings, it hurt and left you with a heavy heart every time he talked about his past and previous crushes.

"yn she's so pretty, what am I gonna do?!"

“i asked her to eat lunch with me today! i might confess soon..”

“from a girl’s perspective, do you think gwen likes me?”

gwen this, gwen that.

"I don't think gwen likes me back.. she said I was like a brother to her when she was talking to hyuck.." was all he could choke out before leaning in and crying into your shoulder, feeling the fabric of your shirt get heavy from his tears over another girl, that wasn't you.

✦.

you heard muffled grunts and groans coming from mark outside your window, rushing to it to open it for him and help him inside, noticing how he stumbles and limps into your room. pulling his mask off his face as he sits on the floor with his back against your mattress and bed frame, laying his head back while sweats drips from his forehead and he’s hissing in pain with every contact that’s made with the fresh wounds on his body.

observing his body in his suit, you noticed scratches that went through his suit, they seemed deep but not enough to have any serious injuries. shocked, you sat there, too scared to touch him in such a vulnerable state, you’ve dealt with marks small scratches and bruises a few days after his “villain” fights, but you’ve never had to deal with fresh wounds like these.

“are you gonna sit and stare or help me out here?” he said with a sarcastic tone and a slight laugh, only to be cut off by a hiss and groan of pain. that was your signal to jog towards the kitchen and get your emergency medkit, bringing it back to mark and taking out everything you would need to help him heal his open wounds.

“u-uh.. mark..?” you said quietly after making a realization, and what you got was a curious hum in response, knowing he was in too much pain to respond to your sudden concern. "you're gonna have to.. take your shirt off.. only for me to help you!" darkness was all you could see when you squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment after rushing out your sentence, only to hear a chuckle with a hint of pain coming from mark.

“you can open your eyes, you know.” you heard before peaking one eye open, only to be met with a shirtless mark and a heated blushing face. you hesitated, but started to help the boy with his cuts and bruises, blushing harder everytime you looked up and made eye contact, not knowing he was staring at you and only you the whole time you were healing him.

after many whines and hisses of pain, all bandaids and ointments were over. “thank you yn.. sometimes i think, i genuinely don’t know what i would do without you, you know? you’ve been there for me forever and for everything, even when i was sad because my mom couldn’t buy me ice cream when we were like.. 6, you shared yours with me! i feel like i would be so hopel-“ but he was cut off by your lips on his, you don’t know what got into you, but hearing him ramble on and on just pulled you in. but what you didn’t expect, was for him to kiss back so quickly.

the butterfly feeling in your stomach increased when you felt his fabric covered fingers make contact with the skin of your hips, closing the gap between your bodies. the two of you pulled away after realizing you both needed to breathe, looking at each other like you’ve been waiting a whole lifetime for this moment. snapping back into reality, you started blushing and attempted to look away, only to be brought back by mark’s index and thumb gently gripping your chin.

“don’t look away now, you meant that kiss right? because i know i did.” he said, looking for any sign of uncomfort or sarcasm in your eyes, but all he found was adoration. “of course i did..” was all you could mumble back, mark felt a weight lift off his shoulders before leaning in and resting his forehead against yours.

“you don’t know how long i’ve been waiting for you to save my heart, just like you save the city.

antoncyng ‘24 — PLEASE DO NOT STEAL OR COPY!

nini’s note — sorry the ending might be kinda rough.. i’ve had this in my drafts for a little while and have been dreading to finish it until today.. 🥲🥲

[sarcasticlcves]

Dating The TVDU Women Includes

Katherine Pierce:

You knowing her since 1491

Katherine turning you into a vampire, so you could both be together "forever"

Her being severely protective over you

Stefan and Damon going after you to get to her

You and Katherine both being chased by Klaus for 500 some years

Being shocked when Nadia (Katherine's daughter) shows up looking for Katherine

Comforting Kath when Nadia gets bitten by Tyler and is slowly dying

Both of you being stabbed with the traveler knife and dying together

A/n~ I cried making this one. I miss my bby Kathy 😭💔

Hayley Marshall:

You being a werewolf/witch hybrid

Klaus threatening you to not hurt his little or littlest wolf or you won't be able to see the light of day again

Being a stepmom/mentor to Hope

"When I said give it your all and punch me in the stomach, I didn't actually mean it Hope!" "Sorry mama..."

Being besties with Rebekah and Freya

Hayley being super cuddley

Her being super protective of you. Even going as far as to threaten Klaus and Elijah

"If I hear that you two idiots lay a single finger on y/n, I will personally bite your heads off! Got it?!"

*Klaus and Elijah nodding, scared for their fucking lives* "we got it" "we won't touch her, we promise"

Being present when Hayley throws herself and Greta into the burning sun

Despising Elijah after that day and never forgiving him (I hated Elijah after that. I don't care if he didn't have his memories or what)

Only staying in the Mikaelson family compound for Hope's sake

When Klaus died, you adopted Hope and moved to mystic falls so she could enroll in the Salvatore school

Raising Hope because you knew that's what Hayley would want for her

Hope Mikaelson:

Being a Tribrid like Hope

Knowing her since you both were little kids

Hope being very closed off and distant with you at first

Her slowly opening up and being more vulnerable with you as time passes

Hope being a very affectionate person behind closed doors

Hope being super overprotective

This bby also gets very jealous very quick

You being best friends with Lizzie and Hope despising your guys friendship

Dark! Tribrid! Hope Mikaelson:

When Hope goes full dark Tribrid, you were by her side through all of it

Even when she snapped Lizzie's neck right infront of you

When Lizzie got sired to Hope you got jealous and protective reallll quick

You even went as far as to kill your own girlfriend to break the bond between them both

And let's just say Hope was not happy when she woke up...

"You killed me because you were jealous?! Fine, let's see how you like getting your neck broken"

After all the arguing you two weren't on the best terms

Hope distanced herself from you a lot and her trust in you went to 0%

Yeah, I wouldn't recommend dating dark! Tribrid! Hope and pissing her off...

Lizzie Saltzman:

Being a Tribrid

Lizzie siphoning from you a lot

You being very protective of this sweet, sensitive little baby

You helping her through her episodes

Being present when Lizzie wakes up and turns into a Heretic

You having to teach Lizzie everything she could possibly know about vampires

Lizzie being very clingy and vulnerable with you

Going on a rampage when you find out Lizzie was sired to Hope

"I swear I will gut you like a fish Mikaelson!"

"Baby...calm down please.."

Hope knowing to not mess with Lizzie while your around

Jade Salvatore:

You and Jade both being stuck in the prison world together

Her humanity flickering when she's around you

She's VERY possessive

Not to mention jealous

You despising Kai Parker

"Oh, would ya look at that. I get to gut you again today"

"Well shit-"

A/n~ i didn't really have many idea's for Jade, so this was all I could come up with

[dearanakin]

trust you | anakin skywalker: episode VI

Summary: You and Anakin have been paired to attend an event on the Jedi Temple, all because Poe Dameron insisted. The Jedi seems unprepared for the outcome of being in the spotlight, and you're faced with his vulnerabilities for the first time. (Ps: This is exactly how I imagine him during a specific scene from this chapter 🥺)

Warnings: vulgar language (as always), panic attack

Word count: 4.8k

----

Anakin:

As soon as we landed on Coruscant, we were all warmly welcomed by every person who had been waiting for us to come back from our mission. We were greeted by the engineers, other Jedi and even a few Droids, which celebrated Artoo's return as well.

I tried my best to not cringe at every hug or every handshake someone pulled at me, but I didn't want to look like a dick any more than I already do. So, I just nodded and gave them a smile before heading towards Luke and C-3PO who were waiting for me expectantly.

I rushed to my son, and he quickly pulled himself at me and wrapped his legs around my waist, slightly squeezing me with his small arms. "Hey, bud. It's good to see you".

Luke pulls back and looks at me with a big smile and I see how his big blue eyes sparkle with happiness. "You're back, dad. I wanna know everything. Did you fight the bad man? Did you shoot him? Did they die?".

His bombardment made me laugh as I shook my head from the amused remarks he made. I pull him back for another hug and feel him clinging to my neck, I could feel his energy seeping through my body. It made me feel immediately relieved from being back again.

Luke drops himself from my grip and holds my hand, looking back at the commotion that was still happening in the hangar. People were cheering for (Y/N) and Cal, exchanging hugs as Poe watched with his arms crossed against his chest. He's not really well known around the Temple, but he nods with a grin when people compliment and greet him.

I feel the little boy giving my hand a squeeze, making my eyes dart to him. "Can I go hug Miss (Y/N)? I've heard she was on the mission as well".

My throat suddenly tightened and I tried too hard to swallow. I keep looking at him like it was a hard decision to make. It didn't strike me that he would like to welcome her at all. Not after telling him many times he shouldn't be too close to anyone I didn't trust. And matter-of-factly, the little bastard loves to do the opposite as I say sometimes. My face falters and I give him an apologetic look.

"But dad, everyone is hugging her. I wanna give her a hug too!" His words stung, they felt like a stab on an open wound.

"They're all friends, buddy. We're not her friends, remember?" I crouch down to his level, trying to reason as my hand rests over his shoulder. Luke frowns over my words and Goodness Sake, I swear I can see disappointment.

"That's because you don't want me to be friends with her. I already told you she's nice to me!" He shoots an angry glare at me and diverts from my grip. Seconds later, he's running towards the group of people around the others.

I stand up huffing, shoving my hand over hair pulling the strands feeling on edge. This little shit always goes against my rules and it pisses me off. But I'm never one to punish him, for some reason it doesn't feel right to do that. My mother never did that to me either way.

Behind me, 3PO mumbled something pretty incoherent and it sounded muffled. My eyes roamed through the hangar, they landed on a shadow standing across the area. I couldn't see much from the distance, but I sensed the presence and it felt like I'd seen it before. My stomach tied to a knot and I felt the blood rising to my head. Suddenly I felt a pressure in my chest, my feet wouldn't move.

I tried to sprint to the other side of the hangar, not daring to look away from the person standing on the corner of the wall. I decided to run after them, but by the time I got there, I was met with nothing. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust my sight and making sure it wasn't some kind of illusion, or a trick. I still had this feeling on my body that I knew who it was, but couldn't actually pinpoint it.

My heart was racing and hammering against my ribcage. I felt my blood pressure pick up as though I was having a heart attack. I couldn't just breathe decently, and I had to lean against the wall for support otherwise I'd drop to the floor and embarrass myself.

After a few minutes trying to calm down, my feet dragged me into the small group of people who were just having a conversation after celebrating our return. I watched as Poe was sitting on the floor talking to Luke. I swear to God this boy loves to make acquaintances with every person he sees. I'm not sure it's exactly a good idea to let him get to know other people, but I let him this time, he seemed pretty involved.

I shifted my sight and was met with Cal and (Y/N) laughing over something they were talking about. She glanced at me for a slight second, enough for me to catch her eyes before she returned her gaze to her friend. It felt different, weird to look at her after what happened back there. She didn't seem too frightened like she did before we went out on the mission.

Before we landed, Poe had invited us for a drink later that day. I tried to refuse many times, but he made sure he would convince me to go so I would get rid of my "grumpy face". I really wanted to go back to my place and get some rest, spend time with my son, and get some distraction. I just wasn't the biggest fan of going to the bar and drinking, nor do I like to interact with other people like I did before. It's plain boring to me.

-

I ended up going to the bar with Dameron, who also invited (Y/N) and Cal, obviously. Not only I didn't have the greatest time of my life, but I also had to deal with him asking (Y/N) to be my plus one at this sort of event the Temple was making.

And here I was, sitting next to her at our table for six. Cal was sitting across from us, his bored expression radiating through the place. He had a friend beside him, who was having a conversation with the nerd next to me. Motherfucking Poe was happily sipping on his glass of water, nodding to his sister.

I kept fidgeting my fingers under the table, not really interested in being at one of these events where they praise people for doing their work. In fact, I consider this such bullshit, given that we are all fighters out there. Kestis would constantly look at me like he wants to choke me to death, and I'm sure he just about planned the entire thing.

"So" Poe's sister spoke up, we all whipped our heads waiting for a response. "When did you and Skywalker start dating?"

The man next to her almost choked on his water, clearing his throat.

"What?" My eyebrows shot up in confusion and I could hear the crack in my voice. "We're not- She's not my-"

"We aren't really-" I heard (Y/N) speak up at the same time, sensing her nervousness.

"These two?" Cal chimed in simultaneously, and I glanced at him, knowing the bitterness in his tone. With a sly smirk on his face, he shook his head in amusement. "They literally hate each other".

The expression plastered over Dameron's face, I recognized he didn't know where exactly my relationship with her stands. His sister was as surprised as he was, while the dumbass sitting in front of me seemed to be having fun.

"Shut up, Cal" (Y/N) seethed through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry, he likes to make up things just for his entertainment".

Is he lying, though? I wasn't the biggest fan of hers, and I surely didn't want to be at this fucking event sitting next to her. Especially if I have to face Cal on the other end of the table.

She gave Poe's sister a forced smile, clearing her throat. "We're not together. Your brother paired us for the event, but that's about it".

I shot him daggers, my eyebrows still knitted together. I'm going to have a fucking headache from this conversation. The pilot lifted his hands in surrender as his face flushed red.

"Hey, I didn't know that either. If anything, I thought they were together" He explained, pointing his index finger between (Y/N) and Cal.

It's not like it's debatable, their friendship is somewhat too strong, and they always look at each other as if they're in love. Maybe I'm seeing things the wrong way, but I'm sure Kestis definitely feels passionate about her.

Now, at least I was having some fun. The redhead in front of me blushed, his lips pursed and he huffed. I felt (Y/N) shift beside me and shove her forehead over her hand, running the fingers through her hair.

"No one is dating anybody, Poe" He seemed to be having a hard time coming up with words, I watched as Cal tried to get rid of his hoarse voice while taking a sip of his water.

"Oh, really? You always seem pretty close" I push, receiving a warning glance from him. The curve of my lips pull into a smile and I tilt my head, faking my reaction.

"No. We're just really good friends" Cal clenches his jaw and I can feel his hands turn into fists besides his body under the table.

"Then why are you blushing?" I hear myself egging him, feeling his stare burn into me. Before he could speak up again, his friend cut him off.

"Okay, let's go get something to eat!" She stood up from her chair, grabbing him by his forearm. Kestis was pissed at me by the way his eyebrows were frowning and his hands were still closed.

I wiggle my fingers as I wave at him, watching as both of them disappear through the crowd of people dancing and conversing. I noticed (Y/N) was staring at me in shock, eyes widened and arms crossed over her chest.

"You're such a dick!" She protests before leaving the table, snapping the napkin over her empty plate.

This is just great, things are going exactly how I imagined they would. Like shit, as always.

"Wow, this is like a second-hand embarrassment table" Poe muttered with a nervous chuckle.

"This was your idea!" I angrily point at him with my robotic arm and he swats it away, rolling his eyes.

"Nope, my idea was to try to have some fun. Catch up and spend time together. The 'being a jerk' idea was all yours" He playfully smiles as he taps me on my shoulder. I shrug him off, fuming.

"Fuck off" I get up from my seat and walk over the hall of the Temple. From a distance, I can see the kids playing with the nurse Droids and a few Padawans as well. At least someone is having decent fun in this fucking place.

I wander through the numerous groups of people talking, while they eat their dinner and sip their drinks. They're smiling at each other, laughing and enjoying themselves. This is why I hate this kind of event, forcing myself to get here every time and watch as they all look at me like I'm some kind of superhero. Deep, I know. They only get to see my shell, my outer behavior. No one can see or know what really happens inside my head, what I feel in my body.

They can sense the somewhat darkness seeping through my blood vessels, but I don't let anyone feel more than that. Not the intrusive thoughts, not the grieving or the sorrow, or even the hatred. I had to create a shield to protect myself from having empathy and it comes with the price of seeing people distance themselves from me. I watch as they look at me with fear, they avoid looking at me.

I'm still not convinced my team trusts me completely, but they never showed me otherwise. I've had Cal as my wingman for a couple of years now and we never really had arguments over the time, just now it seemed like I've crossed some lines when I confronted (Y/N). He's not the first person to hate my guts right now, and he sure won't be the last either. Neither will she, for a fact.

I found her leaving the ladies room just in time when she was met with my eyes roaming around the area, looking for her. (Y/N) shifted her gaze when she noticed my glance. From her demeanor, I realized she was trying to get rid of me, shoving herself among the people as she tried to blend in. My feet were quick to follow her, trying not to knock everyone down while I swimmed through the crowd. Jesus, I wouldn't take her for someone who can run that fast without having a regular exercising routine.

My hand grazed her wrists, aiming for her waist instead. The mere touch burned my skin, it was foreign after so long. It was completely odd for me to hold someone - a woman - by the waist. She turned over, trying to shove my hands off of her, not being strong enough for my fingers to slip.

"Let me go, Skywalker. Or I'll scream!" (Y/N) tried to stand at least an arm span from me. Her small hands eagerly held mine as she still struggled to get rid of my hold.

"Hey, calm down now. Let me talk for just a minute" I lowered my chin and showed some empathy before she decided to lose it and make a scene.

"I think you've said enough for today" She didn't move her hands from mine. I could feel (Y/N) was having a difficult time trusting me after the stunt I pulled, her eyes were squinted and her forehead was crinkled with annoyance.

I rolled my eyes, knowing I wasn't in the right for making excuses. I just wanted to have my fun with the guy, I didn't do any harm to him. "Look- I'm... sorry. I was an ass, I recognize that and I didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed".

Her expression dropped a little, but I can see she was going to be sarcastic. She was chuckling, looking at me with taunting in her eyes. "You really had me there, Anakin. For a moment I wasn't sure you had the word "sorry" in your vocabulary".

And then, the next second, (Y/N) went back to the previous angry look, shoving both of my hands from her waist. I rolled my eyes before letting out a groan as I scratched the back of my neck. "Why make this hard and just say you don't want my apology?".

She places one hand over her waist, while pinching her chin with the other. I swear to God, I barely have any patience for this kind of game. "Huh, come to think of it, I might actually just forgive you. The way you're grimacing, it must have been really hard for you to say that word".

I watch her send me a small smile before turning on her back, walking back to our table. I must be a really bad person if people think I can't just apologize when I do something wrong.

Before I even consider taking another step, I hear my name being shot out from the small stage. Here we go again with the show. Master Yoda was sitting down on a stool, holding a microphone in his tiny green hand, waving for me to come over.

Shit.

I forced a smile, feeling everyone's eyes burn into my back as I walked towards him, immediately balling my hands into fists from instinct of self protection. I might as well have social anxiety if that's even a thing. I stood there in front of dozens of people, some were clapping their hands, some were whistling and then there was Cal, who was definitely not even masking the way his eyes were rolling.

There was a speech, which I didn't manage to listen to. I was too busy keeping my eyes on Luke as he looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes, probably proud of his father for being there. Like I'm a motherfucking God. I'm sure this place belonged to Obi-Wan more than anything, although it was obvious he would go against it just like me. Whatever Yoda was yapping about just about sounded muffled to me, and I wish I could just kill myself.

"To the bravest Jedi Master, here is to" He celebrates, extending his little arms to me as he holds a fucking medal. "Proud of you, we all are".

I hear the claps again, the cheering and the warming celebration right above my eyes. But I don't feel it, I don't agree with all the adoration and admiration. My head whips to where Luke stands, he's jumping around and celebrating his own father. My own eyes glint with gratitude for having him next to me. He's my anchor, the angel sent from heaven to help me stay whole.

"I- Uh- Thank you for the support..." I heave as I feel a lump in my throat. "But I don't think I deserve this. I'm not sure it's good enough for me" My voice barely comes out, my hands are trembling as I hold the microphone with one, while the other grips the medal.

There's silence and shuffling around the hall. I'm sure Kestis would stand up and just scream saying I suck. But it never came. In fact, the only sound echoing through the room was from running feet. When I came to realize, my boy was standing right in front of me, holding the hem of my blazer. I look down at him, there's a frown on his face and it hits me. I disappointed my child too.

"But you're the bravest Jedi Master, dad! Everyone says you're the chosen one, you deserve it" He goes through his sentence nodding at every word he says. "You're a good person, daddy. We are proud of you".

I stare at him with my jaw slack and my mind spiraling, going blank as the words freeze in my mouth. The moment I take in everything he just said, my body can't help but keep completely stagnant. Yoda protests again, saying his last words as if he agrees with Luke, but it's hard to focus on my surroundings. I just step out of this torture and get a hold of the boy, pulling him into a hug as he wraps himself around my torso.

Even with my body feeling tense, closing my eyes didn't make a difference at this point. I squinted them shut as much as I could, clinging to Luke as if it was the last thing I had to do. It still wasn't enough for me to shake off the draining feeling, nor was I able to avoid listening to the murmuring as they went back to what they were doing. My hands were still shaking and feeling numb, my eyes shooting up immediately.

I clear my throat, pulling away from him just enough to speak. It came out hoarse and strangled. "I'll be right back, alright? Get back to your friends".

My blurry vision sent a shockwave through my body and I stiffened, every cell shooting an alarming feeling straight to my brain. I shake my head, trying to make sense of what's in front of me but everything seems too distorted. My boots heavily drag me out of there, leading me to a corner where no one would bother or ask questions about me. It becomes too hard to walk, my fingertips graze the wall like it was soap, slipping through it, and I can hear my blood pumping so loud that everything else becomes a haze.

I walk into a small room, which was probably a janitor's room, dropping to my knees as soon as I close the door behind me. My first instinct is to punch the wall, release the nerves stuck on me. I can feel the sweat dripping down my neck and my forehead, my hair sticking to the damp skin. The blazer and tunic are suffocating me and I have to force myself to undress before it gets harder to breathe. I groan when I notice the numbness over my body, my heart rate quickly picking up. I pace around the small room, breaking and throwing anything I see in front of me.

Just let it out, Skywalker. It will go away. It has to.

"You're so... fucking... ridiculous!" I say to myself as I keep walking in circles, kicking and punching. My airways become smaller each breath I take and I start wheezing.

"You're lame, Anakin. Fucking. Lame" My hands fly up to my face and I start smacking myself on the forehead for reassurance.

For a second, I lean against the small shelf in front me. I can feel something shift inside of me, my eyes became extremely dry and it burned. I snapped out of my thoughts when the door - which I could've sworn was locked - opened. (Y/N) stood there, shocked to see me like that.

She doesn't even take the hint, rather than just walks in and locks the door with both of us inside the small room.

"Anakin, what's wrong?" She looks at me, worried and scared. Her hands hesitantly reach out to my arms, but I grab her wrists before they touch me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" My tone was husky from the whisper screaming and from the anger.

She shifted her eyes between mine and my trembling hands gripping her. I could still barely see, my eyelids were twitching and they felt too heavy.

"Your- your eyes" (Y/N) motioned her hands, pulling them back, placing them over her mouth. "You're-"

My knees gave out before I could fucking yell at her again. I groaned so loud that it was deafening this time, my hands pulled my hair from the roots. The hot tears started to prick and I tried to blink them away. "Get out, now!"

I felt her startle next to me, taking a step back, and it was enough for me to get myself distant from her. I didn't need anyone seeing me like this, especially her. With my eyes closed and my fists clenching hard, I sit down and lean against the wall. I rest my elbows against my knees and shove my head back against the wall multiple times.

"Go away! Go away! Go away!" I scream out, my throat burning from the action and my head throbbing from the bashing.

"Anakin! Look at me, now. Please, it's just me" She speaks through a wavering voice. I feel one of her hands resting against my flesh one, the warmth spreading through my skin.

The touch always burned, it didn't feel repelling, it just felt awkward. Strange. It was hard to accept the gesture.

I shook my head for what felt like an entire minute, my mouth mumbling incoherent words and I still leaned against the wall. Her hand hovered over my jawline and I immediately clenched it, my arm instinctively shot upwards to grab her forearm and she yelped from the sudden action. "It's okay, Anakin. No one knows".

Slowly my eyes opened to meet her face standing inches from me, respecting the distance even though her hand was barely touching my face. The gears in my head started working against my will, my nose flared in rage and I immediately wrapped her throat around my metal hand. I stood right up, pushing her against the wall as she choked with the impact. Her hands gripped my arm with mercy, she tried to gasp for air as she tried to speak.

I didn't feel guilty, I didn't feel sympathetic, I didn't feel anything. All I could see right now was red and I could tell my eyes were bloodshot from how angry I was. And then her behavior shifted again by the way she was looking at me, she was panicking. She couldn't look at me just like she was doing seconds ago. I tilt my head and release her, but not fast enough to catch her before she drops to the floor on her knees. I can feel it now. I know that feeling.

The panic attacks almost never came with the deadly feeling of snapping someone's neck. And now I know why I feel the way I just did. The darkness I've been told about too many times before. If you let it in, you can't control it. It's been dormant for years, I know I feel it coming to the surface when I can't control my own emotions. This time, it was finally reaching out to the surface and breaking out of it. I stepped out and walked backwards until my back hit the wall again, watching as she stood on her feet.

"Anakin-"

I swallow the enormous pain in my throat. "You need to go". She struggled to disagree, her head shaking hesitantly. My chest was heaving, everything hurts and I'm still feeling numb as fuck. "Just go!"

It took me that long to finally break down and I did right in front of her. In front of someone I so much despised for failing to do her job and now I'm paying for being exactly who I promised myself I would be. The pain in my stomach was nauseating and I had to slump down against the wall, this time not giving a fuck I looked like a crying baby. I had too much in my head already.

She tried to hold my chin up to face her, and I watched as her hand stayed frozen only a few inches before she decided against it and carefully gripped my skin. (Y/N) stares at my soul intently, eyes roaming through my face as I hold back the urge of grunting.

"It's okay, it's not the time to be tough. I know I'm not your favorite person right now but let me help you" She tries to coax in a soothing voice.

I have the hardest time getting myself to react, as my body is still struggling against the episode I just had. I want to push her away, I want to swat her hand away from me, I hate that I feel too vulnerable to avoid any physical contact. I just can't. "I'm bad. I'm so bad" I rasp.

I can't even speak. I feel my throat burning, my skin burning, my lung burning. Every inch of my body feels like it's on fire. And I can't fight against it this time. She withdraws her hand from my face, sliding it against my robotic hand, closing it tightly. "Hey, you need to fight against it. You're still you".

I shake my head in disbelief and let out a gruff laugh. I haven't been myself in six years. I just work through it so I won't lose it. Everyday is a battle against the darkening feeling just for the sake of Luke's life, because he doesn't deserve that kind of father. He doesn't even deserve this father. "You don't know shit about me".

I expect her to back up and leave, but she stays crouched on my eye level, still gripping my hand. Her lips are pursed in a thin line, and her irises are boring into mine. I recognize that look, she's trying to figure me out, I shut it down and drop my head. "Stop it".

"They were yellow" She said in a whisper, and I shot my head up again. "Your eyes. They were-"

"I know... I've seen it happen before, once" I try to not make a big deal out of it, but there's only so much I can do about that. Because I know I can't avoid it from happening anymore.

"I'm not good. I'm not good for anyone" My confession almost came out as a sob. This time, I couldn't handle the stress and I couldn't even think about what I was going to do after what happened.

She's going to see me as a joke, as a pussy man who gets medals for being the bravest Jedi Master, while behind closed doors, he falls to his knees and cries his sorrows.

I'm not the Jedi I should be.

@jackie-on-the-loose @adorbzliz @himesuedi @kingdomhate @himesuedi @cl0esblogg @littlecoffeeadict @readingthingsonhere

[interstellar-wanderer]

Theory about The Ghoul/Cooper: Highly influenced and vulnerable to dishonesty.

Cooper Howard trusts deeply in the people he loves and the idea of the American Dream that was sold to him during the Sino-American war. He fought for those ideals, his country and the people he loved, and before the Great War and drop of the bombs he can't stand any other perspective for his own sanity.

The problem is, he is not a very good actor you see. He usually creates the character of a highly dignified cowboy because it is a projection of what he wants for himself, an ideal version of a man, openly criticizing the choice of the character not doing what he would do in real life (shooting someone), and in his other movie, he plays a role of a man with a dog, with the help of his own dog and not another random dog, I believe because he wanted to portray his own relationship with his loved pet rather than a random role.

He lives his characters and roles, to the point of turning one of them when becoming the Ghoul, this lone cowboy and bounty hunter hurt by his past and tired of the cruelty and dishonesty around the Wasterland.

He uses his emotions and all his heart for his roles and forgets everything else because through his roles he is showing a part of himself in the process, but with the consequence of leaving nothing to protect himself, because he has never created a facade around his person, he is honest and true, th same way we see The Ghoul as he is, no lies nor attempts at dishonesty; he is clear with his intentions to the very end.

But because of this, Cooper is vulnerable and ignorant to true deep dishonesty, to someone who would straight up lie to his face, to someone living two parallel life at the same time. He prides himself on knowing his wife's true motivations and never thinking bad about her, he also sees Lucy and believes her just as transparent but never thought of her surviving SnipSnip.

When Barb showed her real colors during the Vault-Tec meeting, declaring they should drop the bombs themselves, he broke in such a way he went into shock. One would believe he is in fact a good actor, and would try to be good in hiding it, but I would say Barb was a better one by playing two roles at the same time God knows how long and Cooper suspecting nothing of such. This happens when:

1) she convinces him to pose as Vault boy and be part of their promotional campaign

2) then when she invites everyone to the wrap party to their house without telling him, subsequently not showing remorse at him being abandoned by his Hollywood friends

3) then gatekeeping him regarding her status as worried housewife during the war in Anchorade and how stupid his idea of a ranch was

4) ultimately convincing him to accept his dog should go (something we all know made him suspect of Vault-tec and her), for the sake of their security.

But this caused a drift between them, him starting to suspect something was up when she told him they wouldn't be safe if they buy a bunker themselves because it wouldn't work, then trying hard to "put everyone in one of the GOOD vaults, one which would oversee all others".

This is when his world started to crumble. Not only her lying, but she not trusting him enough with the real truth of their situation, manipulating him instead with a dishonest facade.

The worst part is that it is very likely she knows this about him, his soul is rooter in honesty, fairness, and dignity, do the right thing the same way Lucy envisioned before coming out of Vault 33. He doesn't expect his wife to lie to him or represent a version of the world he fought against, he doesn't expect his country to betray him regarding their safety.

We can understand now why he became such a bitter man, and why he seems to avoid the old version of himself.

Maybe he thinks, if he had known, if he hadn't trusted so damn much, if he hasn't been so vulnerable and hasn't opened his heart expecting the same back, maybe he could have done something to stop it all.

Now every time he looks back, he seems to hate the man he was so very much.

[aquinnix]

Hermit-a-Day May 10 - Stress

Stress kneeled over a bucket of water, scrubbing her hands clean. The water had started to take on a reddish tint, she really needed to change it out when she got a chance. Everything had just become so hectic lately, it was as if everyone had gotten together and made a pact to all get injured this week. Stress had never been so exhausted in her life. Still, she had to keep going. She had to keep working. 

She dried her hands and stood, making her way back over to the bed tucked into the corner of the room. Scar was asleep under the covers. It wasn’t that much of a suprise that Scar had managed to cut himself open yet again, at least Stress had gotten a lot of practice with stitches over the past few years. Stress grabbed a roll of bandages and began to wrap up Scar’s shoulder. 

It had been fairly routine, she hadn’t really needed to put Scar to sleep. But Scar had the tendency to flinch at every little thing, and Stress didn’t have the patience for that right now. He would wake up in an hour or so anyway. She tied the bandage off, a deep sigh working its way up her throat. Why couldn’t anyone else do it? It wasn’t like there wasn’t anyone else with a decent amount of medical knowledge, Doc rebuilt half of his own body for Void sake. 

Still, something about seeing Scar’s calm face like this made a soft warmth bubble up in Stress’ chest. He was so relaxed, so vulnerable, but he trusted her. 

Stress liked being trusted. 

She pulled the sheet back over Scar, tucking the edges of the blanket underneath him. As soon as Scar was ready to go, Stress would go down to the river and rinse out her bucket just as she had done countless other times. The routine of it all was nice, she would admit that much, but something about the sheer monotony of it was crippling. 

Stress took a seat on the edge of the bed, her gaze remaining fixed on Scar’s sleepy smile. Her eyes flickered to the table beside her on which sat the needle she had used to stick Scar back up. 

If she wanted to, there was nothing stopping her from doing something with that needle. But Stress would never hurt her friends like that, even if they were complete idiots some of the time. 

Right? 

[nimrism]

could you make this post? please, it's so fascinating i really want to hear your thoughts on it

"The Dark Tower" Morgwen Interactions Analysis

i've literally been waiting for someone to ask me this so i can go all out in answer, so you're literally my favorite- THANK YOU! i've tried to put all the thoughts swirling around in my head into one coherent post, so strap in and let's LOOK AT THE IMPLICATIONS (from my perspective)!

first and most importantly, i want to zero in on morgana's choice of kidnapee; she could've chosen anyone in camelot, any one of the knigts who were regularly privy to arthur's battle plans and schedule, but nope. if we're looking at it from the perspective of "she needs the closest person to arthur" wouldn't that be merlin? she could have kidnapped and brainwashed him; he would've made for a fabulous inconspicious mole in the court, and arthur literally goes to him for anything and everything. i actually think it would make for a really interesting au/fic if it were merlin who was kidnapped instead of gwen (love confession/magic reveal possibilities are ENDLESS), but maybe it's a little too close to the plot of "a servant of two masters" and the writers didn't want to be repetitive. i'm going to be biased and delusional in believing that morgana did choose gwen, in particular, for more personal reasons as well as for her nefarious ones.

the way i see it (and this is obviously very objective), by the time we get to this point in s5, morgana is LONELY, like, has-no-one-in-the-world-except-aithusa type of lonely, and her choice of allies has been lacking diversity as of late (why are they all men 💀), AND they all end up dying anyway. so, she needs a plan, and she needs a trusted ally (she also needs a bit of love and lip balm cause DAMN). BUT the thing is, why would anyone be loyal to her? she's never kept any allies (or friends) thanks to her wit and charm alone, she's only ever kept men loyal to her by striking fear in their hearts. it's the same for her friends and family, i think. she doesn't believe they even tolerate her existence, so she needs to be crowned queen to subdue them and FORCE them to respect her. the same goes for gwen. she was only morgana's friend when morgana was a naive and vulnerable girl, plagued by nightmares and unexplained fears, and the second morgana grew out of them (or learned to control them) gwen stopped being affectionate, stopped being open. that's how morgana sees it, and it only reinforces her belief that gwen would never understand the person she's become now, she wouldn't quite see what morgana was trying to do. unless morgana forced her to.

the whole kidnapping affair was to MAKE gwen understand, because she wouldn't do it of her own free will. gwen would never willingly be on morgana's side, so she had to jump through a few morally questionable hoops to bring her over. in the end, i do believe all morgana really wanted was a friend (maybe a little bit more, amirite ladies), though by this point her concept of friendship had become twisted beyond recognition, and in all the chaos, this was the only way she thought she could have one. throughout the episode, a lot of the old morgana shines through, even if it is portrayed as just manipulation, and i do think that was her either slipping back into old habits or forcing herself to, for the sake of the brainwashing and for the sake of their friendship that she's trying to rekindle.

a point that i've seen several people make is that between the niceties, the "real" morgana peeks through several times throughout the ep, but i kinda disagree. i don't necessarily think that just because her smile drops, it means that the niceties were a facade and her "evil" side pops back out. i read the sudden change in expression more as disappointment. gwen fights back with such vigour that it's probably painful for morgana to realize that her former friend sees her as nothing more than an evil witch who's hell-bent on hurting her, now. she's disappointed that gwen, who was supposed to know her best, believes what the others do, and doesn't believe that morgana is being sincere in her offer of friendship.

a small remark i also have is: why wasn't morgana one of the visions/hallucinations gwen had in the dark tower? it's interesting to see that the closest three people to gwen are her brother, arthur, and merlin, of all people. i feel like gwen's history with morgana has to have had a lasting effect on both of them, even if morgana is supposed to be "evil" now. you don't stop loving someone just because they've chosen (or BEEN chosen by) the dark side. morgana was one of the people gwen cared about most in seasons 1 through 3 (s3 is pushing it a little, but still), it doesn't really make sense for it all to be forgotten so completely like we see in this episode. i also think it would've been super interesting to see a hallucination of younger morgana in particular, partially as a reminder that part of gwen still cares about morgana and largely because i'd like to see how gwen would react to that vision... would it differ from the other three? what would morgana do? would she sneer and laugh like elyan and arthur? would she do a little rawr like merlin (😭)? i feel like a ficlet is in order for this concept cause i would like to see it but i have to imagine it first (but that's the hard part 😭)

NOW ONTO THE MOST DELICIOUS PART OF THIS ANALYSIS: THE QUOTES

M: "Would you prefer some chicken?"

i just found this one hilarious tbh like she's so out of pocket what are you doing offering your kidnapee some chicken and WHAT WAS THE OTHER OPTION, IF NOT CHICKEN?

M: "I know how lonely you must be, all by yourself in that room. At least you're not shackled, and there's daylight. You can move, you can see."

oof. she's obviously referring to her own capture and torture, pulling from her own experience. it's heartwrenching that morgana has been through all of this, traumatised beyond reason, but it's even more heartwrenching that she thinks she's doing gwen a service, like this. it might not seem like that to any sane person, but after everything she's been through, morgana's worldview is completely different. in her mind, however twisted and detached it has become, she's being merciful to gwen this way, giving her luxuries that she was never afforded when she was captured. (including a warm meal with chicken at miss havisham's table 🤩)

M: "I too have suffered, Gwen. I spent two years living in darkness. I spent two years chained to a wall at the bottom of a pit... You did not know."

goddddd this line... it's just so painful, so powerful, so indicative of SO MANY THINGS. it's EVERYTHING. every acting choice katie and angel made in this scene was brilliant but ESPECIALLY their facial expressions in this particular part WOAH. the way morgana's voice cracks on the word "pit" is DEVASTATING. i was floored. the way gwen's face falls as she processes her words and they properly set in... INCREDIBLE. the concern in gwen's eyes is palpable as she realizes the horrors inflicted on her friend. and the final "you did not know" was so, so powerful. morgana realizes that gwen didn't know about and clearly wasn't okay with what she went through. gwen had no part in it. morgana SMILES at gwen's reaction, but instead of it being a smile of malice or evil it's one of RELIEF, and one that she hides very promptly. she's reassured in the knowledge that gwen had no idea she had suffered so immensely, and that, more importantly, she wasn't involved in it. it's SO important to note that morgana has no idea whether arthur had a hand in her own torture or not. it's especially not a good look on him that he invites the sarrum as a friend of camelot so soon after the events of "the dark tower", so, as far as morgana knows, he could've been a "friend" when she was being tortured for years, too. i wonder what would've happened if morgana had kidnapped gwen AFTER the sarrum's visit to camelot... i feel like that would have complicated things with gwen much further, if morgana thought she was complicit in her imprisonment.

M: "I would have sold my soul for someone to show me kindness such as this."

only two points on this heartbreaking line: 1- FUCK the sarrum of amata. all my homies HATE the sarrum. s4 and s5 morgana might both be textbook cases of "evil", but they're two VERY different people with two very different worldviews and tactics. morgana's imprisonment turned her into the cold husk of a person she is by s5. and 2- this just further confirms that morgana thinks she's doing gwen a favor, dining with her and letting sunlight into her room and choosing not to tie her up etc.

M: "Your hands are cold... I have a warm fire going for you."

oh boy is this a MOMENT. the way morgana keeps her hand held out. the way gwen reluctantly puts her hand in hers (MORGWEN HAND-HOLD!) *ivy by taylor swift starts playing out of nowhere* {ohhhhh goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine, but it's been promised to another, ohhh}

um anyway i digressed. then the way gwen wriggles her hand out of morgana's grasp, while morgana grips her fingers with unwavering determination... it's just delicious.

M: "Anything you want, you can have. I'll give it to you."

idk about you but personally i'm SOLD. take all my money. i read this as morgana trying her utmost best to sell gwen on joining her, but i can also see the manipulation laced in it.

G: "Why are you doing this?"

M: "Because we're friends. We always were."

to me, this reinforces the theory that morgana's just trying to get her friend back on her side. by stating that they've always been friends, morgana reaffirms their friendship as much to herself as to gwen. she was her friend once, and she can be again.

M: "I'm helping you. I'm looking after you."

this sort of feels like morgana is telling herself that, more than she's telling gwen. maybe it's just part of the manipulation process, but i do believe that this was morgana's conscience reassuring her that what she's doing is in gwen's favor and that she's being kind to her.

M: "It's alright, I'm here."

UGH this line. morgana is being the person she needed when she was imprisoned. this scene is also a parallel to all the times morgana woke up screaming in the middle of the night and gwen was there to comfort her in s1/2. this time the tables have turned and it's morgana comforting gwen. simply delicious.

M: "My darling, I was wrong to make you suffer."

TEA! to say that this line was spoken from the bottom of morgana's heart might just be a bit too delusional, but i like to think there's at least some truth to it. torturing gwen had a lot of paralells to morgana's own imprisonment and torture, and she did want to make her suffer, at least in the beginning. but it was also different from what morgana went through. this is NOT to justify torture, btw, torture is BAD, but her "manipulation" tactics got a bit too personal at some point, and i like to think at least a part of it was genuine.

G: "No. Whatever twisted game you're playing, I want no part in it. I would rather stay here and die."

ouch. gwen's resistance to the last possible minute shows such strength on her part (cause me? i would've given in before she even dragged me through the desert tbh) and it gave us such a delicious performance from angel; the reluctance? the uncertainty? the distrust? the relief that morgana is there but also the FEAR of what she's doing? the contradiction between the morgana that gwen once knew and the morgana that everyone KNOWS is evil? but the morgana that gwen once knew is shining through now, and she's saying everything gwen wants to hear... grade-A angst.

IN CONCLUSION they're gfs your honor, this was all just a plot to snatch gwen back from arthur cause morgana didn't think seducing her herself would work. (this phrase could be in reference to this ep or the "lancelot du lac" ep i'm cackling morgana really is hopeless) there are also SEVERAL psychological layers to it, but describing it this way is just easier.

SO... this is possibly the longest post i've ever made. it got a little more comprehensive than i originally thought it would be, but THERE YOU HAVE IT! that's my take on the morgwen interactions in the dark tower. if i seem a little biased, that's because i 100% am :) i hope that clears things up. this is an open invitation to keep sending me asks (even if it's about the most random things ever) cause i love them and i love every single person who sends in an ask, and a public apology for how long these answers get sometimes 😭

[soapppp]

CW: ABO, extreme past sexual assault and abuse

Soap who assumes that Ghost is just like every other Alpha. He’s arrogant, rude, mocking, so why wouldn’t he be prejudice? What reason was there to assume that Ghost would revel in the idea of taking Soap with or without his choice? He makes fun of Soap for being short, for flirting with others, but the only good thing he does is what he doesn’t do, which is bring up sex in any way. Not heats or ruts, nothing. It’s one of the reason Soap Jose to actually get to know him, allowing his inner Omega to have a ally in him. But never would he trust Ghost with the vulnerability of a heat.

But, then they get stuck in a snow storm. The mission was simple and they’re safe in the well built cabin, but Ghost had expected to be home in time that he could take leave and suffer his rut in peace.

Soap wakes up in the middle of the night to see Ghost on the wall, panting as he holds himself up by his elbows. His mask is off, his shirt clawed open with a few drops of blood sounding like gunshots through the storm.

Soap picks up that Ghost is rutting instantly and feels dead in his spine, knowing the other will want anything he can fuck and that Soap is basically a neon sign in a desert to him. Soap is taking note of where his weapons are, making a plan to survive out in the storm and call for help when he hears it.

A loud, heartbreaking sob.

Ghost was crying. Worse, he was weeping like a child lost from his ma. His cries are deep and pitiful, full wails breaking out like screams and through it Soap can hear him pleading, saying things like,

“Please, stop, I don’t want it!”

“Don’t make me please!”

“Don’t touch me, not again!”

“Please, I want my ma…”

Soaps dread shifts to pure grief as he processes his words, releasing what had to have happened to his Lt.

Soap feels sick nonstop for the next few days as he helps Ghost into the only bedroom and routinely feeds and waters the broken man, listening to him sob without break. He tries hard not to cry when Ghost screams, loud and full of fear, whenever Soap accidentally touches him. He tries to smooth him with calming words, assuring him that Soap won’t make him do a thing and whispering promises of Simon’s Ma coming to see him soon.

Later, when Ghost explained how she had been killed but his rut makes him forget, Soap swears to protect him during his rut whenever he needs.

Not just for Simons sake, but his Ma as well.

[klausysworld]

hello!

can you do a yan!klaus fic where he and the reader haven’t had sex yet so he feels pent up so and then one night when he checks on her sleeping he notices that she’s naked/in her underwear and jerks off to her to relive himself?

Fucks sake

Klaus had been waiting for hours for his siblings to sleep. He had dropped off his y/n’s food earlier that evening when he had managed to sneak away from his family.

Finally he listened as Kol eventually passed out. Elijah was asleep by 9pm for some unknown reason but Kol only just nodded off after 3am.

Klaus quietly made his way to the room hidden underneath his art room. Silently unlocking the door and shutting it behind him before he wondered into the room, the lights on but dim. Cautiously he made his way towards his love

“My love? Are you still awake?” He whispered softly while moving to sit next to her on the bed. Her lack of response and parted lips as she breathed deeply told him enough as he gently stroked the side of her face, the small noise she made strongly resembled a moan and he couldn’t help the thought of her doing it for other reasons from entering his mind.

His fingers lightly scratched her scalp as he brushed his hands through her hair

“You’re so beautiful” he muttered, his eyes briefly closing as the thought of her lips of his. The way she would whimper into his mouth and wrap her arms around his neck pulling him close

Her stirring had his eyes opening quickly. She groaned as she kicked her legs, the duvet being shoved away from her as she mumbled incoherently. His eyes were wide as he noticed her naked form, completely bare and without anything to cover any of her. She must’ve thought he wasn’t going to be checking on her tonight as it was so late. Maybe she got too hot.

His eyes lowered without his permission, his breath caught in his throat seeing her luscious breasts. His fingers itched to feel them, the blood from his body unconsciously rushing to between his legs. His teeth held his lower lip as his pants grew tight

“Fucks sakes love” he murmured as his hand lightly rubbed over his crotch. Klaus had been trying hard to keep his sexual desires under control, wanted her to come to him when she finally trusted him enough. He tried his best not to think of her impurely. Especially since his family were home so much. He wasn’t able to relieve himself anymore.

His mind was running, he’d never been able to see her so vulnerable, that soft sound she made earlier still rang through his ears as his hand hovered over her breast, the silent argument whether he was wrong to do this. Hesitantly his hand ever so gently rested onto her skin, her body automatically leaned into his touch, her chest pressing against him making him groan and furrowed his brows. His other hand slipped under his pyjama pants. Slowly he traced his hardening length, teasing himself as he unconsciously squeezed her breast lightly. She whined making him paused and look up to her, her body shifted making him move both his hands form their bodies and standing back up quickly.

He took a sharp intake of breath as she turned on herself and rolled onto her back, her hand holding a part of the shoved aside duvet against her side as though it would cover her. His desperate eyes found her gorgeous thighs, barely touching one another letting him see her mound.

“Oh god” he breathed, his hand quickly found his cock, he didn’t think twice before pumping himself slowly, flicking his eyes to her peaceful face and dragging them down her body. His other hand gently pushed one of her thighs away from the other giving him the perfect view of her pretty pink cunt. His mouth watered and he gripped himself sensually

He just knew she would be tight, he could only dream of how she would squeeze him so deliciously. The way she would cling to his dick and moan his name loudly. What he would give to hear her beg for him.

His hand grew tighter trying to replicate the idea of how she would strain to his size, would she whimper and tell him how big he was? Maybe she’d love it and plead him to move, to stretch her and make her his.

His hand moved slow but firmly, he wouldn’t want to rush his first time with her, have her wanting more as he built her orgasm up.

Her legs would be out wider than they are now- maybe around his waist? Maybe her nails would dig into his back, have her clinging to him with need.

His hips met his hand as his pace sped up slightly, his thumb rolling over his tip making him groan softly

He just knew she would cry out for him with he hit her g-spot when he rubbed his dick against it to have her back arching and body tightening around him.

His mind drew blank as he smelt her arousal, what on earth was she thinking of in her sleep? Did she have the same thoughts he did?

His wrist flicked faster along his length, his mouth dropping open despite no noise leaving his lips. He watched her lay before her nude and spread out. All on display for him as though she were his gift, his heaven sent present.

God the way he would worship her if she would let him. Have her squirming in pleasure beneath him.

His hips thrust faster, hand tightening his grip every few seconds as a shivering sensation traveled the length of his spine. His legs felt tense as he sensed his high approaching, his thumb toying with his tip again

“Y/n-“ he moaned as he fucked his hand quicker, his pace becoming supernatural as his eyes struggled to stay open, his mind recreating the naked picture of her.

She made another little ‘mewl’ in her sleep and he groaned loudly, he would have her make so many sounds. She was such a quiet girl but he knew she would be good a vocal for him, calling for him and screaming his name.

His head fell back as he became slightly lightheaded.

“Love-“ he chocked as he felt his high wash over him. His body freezing in place as he came all over himself. He panted loudly as his eyes slowly opened, thank fuck she was still asleep.

His eyes fell to the floor that was covered in his mess and he sighed

“Fuck sake” he grumbled before looking back to her. He growled to himself and stormed off to her bathroom, hurriedly washing his hands and dick before grabbing a cloth to scrub the floor quietly.

Once clean he gently closed her legs and rolled her back onto her side. He carefully pulled the duvet back up over her shoulders and kissed her temple

“Forgive me for touching what you have not yet given me” he whispered with another soft kiss to her cheek before he made his way back up the stairs.

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 28 - Overthink]

Warnings: she does so much overthinking like omfg GIRL, Tae and Koo are her voices of reasons, we stan them, also the beginning rips me apart :(, Yoongs is really cute at some point in this chapter

Wordcount: 7k

a/n: *sobs* vmin *sobs harder*

Taehyung opens his eyes. 

Jimin is looking at him. 

Taehyung gulps. If he still had a heartbeat, it would have started to race. So Jimin stayed the night with him, sharing nudity and a hug. Jimin really did that.

“Hey”, Jimin says. 

“H-hey”, Taehyung answers him. 

“We slept for eight hours.”

“We did?”

“Mhm. I haven’t slept that much since we fell into Namjoon’s hands.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, couldn’t really. I didn’t wanna be, you know, vulnerable.”

“I see”, Taehyung studies Jimin’s features, “and when we weren’t with him?”

“Nightmares. Wonderful, kept me awake.”

“I see. Why did you never tell me?”

“I don’t know.”

“I see. I’m sorry”, Taehyung says and places his hand over Jimin’s. Jimin intertwines his fingers with him instantly.

“For what?”

“For what he did to you.”

“Why are you apologizing? It wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was. So many times you got hurt because I acted out of line.”

“You didn’t. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I feel as if it was.”

“Taehyung, shut up. It wasn’t your fault. Fuck’s sake, I’m just happy that you’re okay.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m happy that you didn’t get hurt, that’s all that really matters.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why did you take the fall for me so many times?”

“Because I wanted to keep you safe.”

“Why? I didn’t deserve it. I put you through so much.”

“Oh come now, do you hear yourself talk? You put me through so much? All you ever wanted was to live a simple life, just the two of us, together and at peace somewhere where nobody could ever find us. What did I want? Power, blood and fame. I brought Namjoon back into our lives with my ugly greed, not you.”

“But I acted up all the time, if I hadn’t then, then you wouldn’t have-”

“Hush”, Jimin interrupts him, “I don’t blame you, Tae. I never did. You’re a good person with a good heart. I’m ugly inside, it doesn’t matter that Namjoon screwed me up. But you? It would have been a shame if he ruined your good soul.”

“You’re not ugly inside. Namjoon made it ugly. He forced you to act the way you did. I know you Jimin, you have a good heart as well.”

“I don’t think I do.”

“Well, I think you do.”

“Then you are the only one. I know how the others think of me. I had a talk with ___ last night and she asked me why it’s so hard for me to be good and I couldn’t answer her because I had no idea why it is.”

“Well, I think you are nice.”

“No Tae, no. Don’t you get the whole point? I’m an asshole. I’m rude, I manipulate people, blackmail them, hurt them and act like I can’t stand their presence. And it’s because I’m an asshole with an ugly soul.”

“You’re not an asshole Jimin. I guess, you just had to learn that only being rude will keep you safe. I know, trust me. I know how Namjoon treats kindness. You did what had to be done to survive.”

Jimin feels his eyes fill with tears. 

“Taehyung I’m so scared of him”, he confesses, “I’m so fucking scared.”

“Don’t be. He is not going to come anywhere near us again.”

“You don’t know that. What if he does? What if he catches us again? I don’t want to go back to him, please.”

“You won’t have to. Not when I can prevent it. The next time he comes anywhere near us, I will fight for you. I promise.”

“No, don’t fight for me, please. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Jimin…” Taehyung whispers.

“You’re the only link to my humanity I have, Tae. I don’t have anyone but you. If anyone is going to fight, it is going to be me.”

“What? No! Are you out of your mind? You lost all of your strength. He would rip you to shreds.”

“I wouldn’t care as long as you are safe.”

“Well I would”, Taehyung presses out and sobs softly, “if you died again, I would rip my own heart out. I can’t bear to watch you die again or, or to live eternity with the knowledge that I can never ever see you again”, he says and whimpers. 

Jimin pulls him closer, resting his forehead against his’. 

“Don’t cry”, he whispers.

“It hurt so much, Jimin. To live but to know that I truly can’t see you again. It hurt so much.”

“I know.”

“And I’m so angry at you for not coming back sooner.”

“I know.”

“And I’m so upset that you didn’t see the fresh start as what it is. A fresh start”, Taehyung pushes at Jimin’s chest but doesn’t leave the closeness, “you could have reinvented yourself, left your bad habits and yet you didn’t. Why do you keep fighting with them?” a little sob interrupts him, “I like them all so much, Jimin. We finally have a family and you, you keep fighting with them. Why do you keep doing that?”

“I’m sorry. I see my errors now and, and I want to change that. I’m sorry that I brought you so much grief.”

Taehyung sniffles. He forgets to cry for he never heard his friend apologize before. 

He moves his head away, making Jimin lift his gaze in question.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Four hundred years and this is the first apology I have heard from you”, Taehyung whispers, painting great regret onto Jimin’s features.

“I know. Fuck, it took me too long to say it”, he says and tears up, “the look you gave me last night. It’s the same look I always gave Namjoon when he came to my room. Holy fuck Tae, I’ve been truly awful to you.”

“I know it was Namjoon’s doing.”

“No, not all of it. I hurt you, insulted you, mistreated you out of my own free will as well and I hate myself for it.”

“No, don’t hate yourself. It’s alright.”

“It’s not alright. Stop defending me. Fuck, Taehyung be angry at me. Just once, like you were right now, tell me that I piss you off”, he cups Taehyung’s face, pushes him to his back. “Be angry at me. Just how you were in the kitchen back then. When you told me to shut it. Be like that just for once.”

“I don’t want to be like that. I want to talk it out, not scream at you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to scream at you. At least not anymore.”

“Why not? Why can’t you scream at me?” Jimin presses out, eyes filling with tears, “be angry at me. Fucking scream.”

Taehyung shakes his head and smiles. 

“Fuck Tae. Please just…be mad.”

Taehyung reaches up, cups Jimin’s cheeks and wipes his tears away. 

“I don’t want to be mad at you”, Taehyung whispers, “I have lived life without you. I know how truly terrible it is. And I won’t ever take you for granted again. Let alone waste our time being angry.”

Jimin exhales shakily. His eyes are restless, switching between Taehyung’s unfaltering eyes while tears make his vision blurry.

“Taehyung”, he breathes, brushing his thumbs along Taehyung’s cheekbones.

“Yes?” Taehyung answers him softly, holding his breath.

“Fuck Tae, I wasted so much time being greedy for something great that I never even realised that I already had the greatest possession I could own.”

“What is it?”

“Your companionship.”

Taehyung’s eyes falter, his gaze becomes blurry.

Jimin seeks Taehyung’s closeness. Their noses touch. Their eyes fall closed. Their foreheads rest against each other.

“I’m going to do better from now, I promise you. I want to talk stuff out and be less jealous and I don’t want to ruin our chance at a family, I really don’t”, Jimin whispers.

“I believe you”, Taehyung answers him.

“I love you Taehyung.”

“I love you too, Jimin”, Taehyung answers him, pulling him closer in hopes to never let go again. 

“Oh Kook, hey there”, you startle as you leave your room, colliding with Jungkook right in front of it, “you startled me.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to startle you”, he says, studying your face. His smile falls, “hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, reaching out to hold your hand.

“What do you mean?”

“You smell scared. Did something happen?”

“No, of course not”, you smell yourself, “I thought I took a shower.”

“You smell good, but there is something that smells like fear”, he steps closer, taking a deep breath into your room, “yeah, it’s in there”, he says, stepping inside, “oh my god, it’s so strong in here. What happened?”

He turns, studying your guilty face.

“What happened, ___?” he asks, stepping closer to cup your cheeks. His eyes are glassy as if he wanted to cry for you.

“Nothing much, I just had a nightmare”, you confess in a whisper, lowering your eyes.

“Oh no. Poor you, I’m so sorry this happened”, he says, hugging you against his chest, “don’t worry, it was just a bad dream. I’m here to protect you now.”

“Gosh Kook, I’m really fine. Gosh, you’re so cute, thank you”, you say into his chest in a chuckle, caressing his waist lovingly.

“Of course, that’s what I’m here for”, he steps back, revealing his fangs to you.

“You’ve got something there”, you say, pointing at them.

He licks over his teeth, eyes widening.

“Oh!” he turns his head away, “sorry, excuse me”, he throws his hand over his mouth, “I’m hungry and you smell really good. I shouldn’t have hugged you.”

You snort, “what a great protector you are. Come, let’s see if Yoongi’s up already.”

“That’s a good idea.”

Jungkook follows you outside, walking next to you as he tries to get his fangs to go back again. You glance at him.

“Can we keep what just happened between us?” you ask him.

“What do you mean?”

“Just. Please don’t tell Yoongi that I had a nightmare.”

“Why not?” Jungkook widens his eyes.

“I just don’t want him to know. He’d worry too much.”

“But he needs to know.”

“Jungkook please”, you beg, “it was just one bad night, I can handle it.”

Jungkook huffs out air, giving you a disagreeing pout.

“I don’t agree with that. He’d be so happy to help, you know him.”

“I know”, you say quietly.

“But fine, I won’t tell him”, he promises you and you would have thanked him a million times if he hadn’t continued to talk, “you guys should talk eye to eye soon.”

“What do you mean?”

Jungkook touches his nose, “I have a good nose for that kind of stuff. You love each other, don’t you?”

You nod your head, gnawing on your lower lip.

“So talk to him again. You guys smell different than you did in the past. Sadder and really confused”, Jungkook says.

You nod your head, staying quiet. You feel too ashamed to admit that the only reason you avoid Yoongi so much is because you are scared that out of all the people here, he could be the one judging you for killing Suzy. After all, she was one of his friends and you know how difficult it is to get Yoongi to forgive you for something like that. He is planning on killing his oldest friend because he hurt you. What if he is angry at you for killing his coven friend? Or worse, thinks you are disgusting because of what you did?

“Jungkook, I’m so scared”, you confess.

Jungkook stops, so do you. He studies your face with his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Scared? Scared of what?” he asks.

“That he’ll be angry at me.”

“Angry for what?” Jungkook sounds flabbergasted.

“For killing Suzy. Jungkook, I can’t stop dreaming about it. It, it hurts so much.”

“Hey it’s okay. It’s okay”, he say softly, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs, “look at me, baby.”

Your eyes meet.

“That’s why you don’t want to tell him? Because you’re scared that he could be angry at you?”

You nod your head, whimpering sadly, “what if he thinks of me differently?”

“___ come on”, Jungkook almost groans the words, fighting the urge to roll his eyes, “Yoongi forgave you for something big like keeping the blood sharing a secret from him and you think that he’d be angry at you for doing what was necessary?”

You nod your head, “I killed someone.”

“Okay, if that’s the criteria you’re basing that shit off then I can tell you that this is bullshit. In theory, Yoongi killed about a thousand times more people than you and do you think that he’s a bad person?”

“No, of course not.”

“He thinks the same about you. Trust me.”

“But-”

“No buts. Stop overthinking, you idiot”, Jungkook presses his thumb against your lips.

You move back with a whine, “your finger’s sweaty.”

“Sorry”, he pulls his hands away, hiding them in the pockets of his hoodie, “my point still stands though. Don’t give me another but or I’ll spank your butt.”

You snort, having to chuckle.

“Damn Kook, what a threat.”

“I’m serious, I can be angry too and I’ll actually get angry if you continue keeping stuff from Yoongi”, he says in an honest scolding voice and his brows furrowed, “he loves you so much and you love him too and I can’t stand you guys ruining something so special just because you’re too much of a pussy to talk to him. Didn’t you agree on talking shit out from now on? Stop taking steps back just ‘cause you’re a little chicken shit all of a sudden. Yoongi’s the most understanding person ever, fucking hell, cut him some slack.”

“I know”, you sniffle, lowering your eyes, “I’m sorry, I know I’m such a chicken sometimes. Fuck, it’s so hard not to avoid conversation. That’s all I did my entire life. With my parents and my school friends and everyone I ever met. But I want to be different with you guys. It’s so hard though, I’m such a chicken.”

“It’s fine, that’s why you have me. I’ll bully you into talking”, he says and makes you laugh.

“Thank you, seriously I need that”, you say and exhale shakily, touching your own tummy, “fuck, now I feel sick.”

“No, why?” Jungkook asks, rubbing his hand up and down your arm soothingly.

“It’s just, I’m weird. I get sick whenever someone is angry at me. It’s not your fault, I just get anxious.”

“No baby, I’m not angry at you. I’m sorry. I know I sounded a little harsh. I guess I’m just passionate about you guys”, Jungkook says and pulls you against his chest. He sways you from side to side, caressing the back of your head, “I’m sorry if this made you anxious, I didn’t want to make you feel that way.”

“I know”, you snuggle into his chest with closed eyes, “I know. God, I’m such a mess.”

“No you’re not. You’re overthinking again. Everybody has their little packages, but that doesn’t mean they’re automatically a mess”, Jungkook gives you a tight squeeze, “I’m squeezing those thoughts outta you”, he says and squeaks.

The gesture makes you chuckle. It feels good to be hugged that way.

“You’re so cute”, you say, lifting your head.

Jungkook gives you one of his honest, warm smiles.

Seeing him smile at you eases your anxiety a little.

“Thank you, Kook”, you whisper, stepping closer to rest your head against his chest. Like this your temple feels the first indicator of cold seep through his hoodie, a telltale sign that he was hungry.

“Of course”, he says, “I’d hug you again, but I think I’m getting very close to wanting to bite you again.”

“Okay. Message received”, you step back with a chuckle, “should we see if Yoongi’s awake?”

“Yes, I think we should. I seriously don’t want to bite you.”

So you and Jungkook continue your walk to the kitchen, keeping just a little bit of distance to avoid the worst case scenario.

“Ah geez”, you stop, looking to the side, “that’s a hell lot of ass.”

“Huh? Oh god, what the hell?” Jungkook gasps, covering his eyes with his hand.

Taehyung and Jimin, both in nothing but their briefs, turn around, studying you from head to toe.

“Good morning darling”, Taehyung greets you.

“Good morning”, you say, sneaking a glance at them, “why are you guys in only your underwear?”

“We just fucked”, Jimin answers you.

“Ah”, you let out then chuckle, “well, congrats I guess? I assume you guys talked it out last night?”

“We did”, Jimin says and smiles. It is an honest smile and quite frankly it is weirder to see than his way too detailed dick print.

“Well, I…I’m so sorry I wanna be serious and all, but your dicks are just out and about and I can’t concentrate. Why are those briefs so tiny, Tae?”

He sneaks a glance down at his dick.

“They’re not, I’m merely huge.”

“Why did I even ask”, you mumble, massaging the bridge of your nose.

Taehyung chuckles, strutting to you confidently. He wraps his arms around you, pressing you against his body.

“Are we flustering you, darling?” he teases.

“No? Course not. You aren’t hot either, course not.”

He chuckles, kissing your cheek.

“You are adorable. Tell me, did you have breakfast already?”

“I was planning on getting some with Kook.”

Taehyung looks at Jungkook.

“My handsome”, he says, breaking away from you to hug Jungkook instead, “I missed you so much last night.”

“Oh? Uhm”, Jungkook, who clearly hadn’t expected to receive affection now that Jimin is back again, blushes vividly, wrapping his arms around Taehyung after a moment of consideration.

“Where were you? I couldn’t even reach your phone”, Taehyung asks him, nuzzling his nose against his neck.

“Sorry, I trained with Hoseok the entire night and had my phone on mute.”

“You trained?” Taehyung runs his hands over Jungkook’s arms, “you did. You feel so strong.”

Jungkook takes a step back in confusion, studying Taehyung’s face.

“What’s the matter?” Taehyung asks.

“He’s here”, Jungkook whispers, glancing at Jimin.

“Don’t worry about me”, Jimin says, pushing himself off the counter, “I’m planning on going into town either way. I promised an old friend to meet me.”

“An old friend?” Taehyung asks.

“Mia. She’s back from Riga and wants to meet for coffee.”

“Oh that’s wonderful. You haven’t seen Mia in so long. What a pleasant coincidence that we are still here.”

“Yes”, Jimin agrees and gives Taehyung a soft ruffle of his hair, “you should wash up, Taetae you’re a little dirty there”, he says teasingly, pulling back.

“What?” Taehyung reaches behind himself, “in my hair? Why did you do that?”

Jimin chuckles, “my apologies, it won’t happen again”, he says and then looks at you and Jungkook, “see you later, guys.”

“See you.”

“Yeah, see you”, Jungkook murmurs, watching with confusion as Jimin leaves. Then he studies Taehyung, who is by the sink with you as you try to wash out his hair with a soaked kitchen towel. He is currently telling you to get everything while you assure him that you are.

Jungkook inches closer, gasping when Taehyung reaches for his waist and pulls him snug against him.

“What’s the matter, handsome?” he asks him, “you smell confused.”

“I am confused. I don’t understand what is happening? Are you seeing Jimin now?”

“We simply made up.”

“What about us? Are you going to break up with me again?” he asks with glassy eyes.

Taehyung places his hand on Jungkook’s head and pulls him into a kiss. The kind which makes Jungkook whimper with buckling knees.

Taehyung breaks the kiss by sucking on Jungkook’s lower lip, sighing with him.

“Does this answer your question?” he asks.

Jungkook nods his head, fingers resting on Taehyung’s collarbones, “I guess.”

“Good”, Taehyung tilts his head, kissing Jungkook’s forehead, “I’m not allowing you to slip away again. Or my darling for that matter”, says, hugging you close as well to smooch your cheek.

“Tickles”, you giggle, chasing him happily.

Taehyung purrs, kissing your cheek a second time.

“Ahem.”

You turn upon hearing someone clear their throat loudly.

Yoongi is standing in the middle of the kitchen with his arms crossed in front of his chest and his eyes squinted in a foreign emotion. He hides it before you can figure out what exactly it was.

“Hyung, good morning”, Taehyung says, “did you sleep well?”

“No, I didn’t sleep.”

“Oh, that is a shame. Is everything alright?”

Yoongi nods his head, running his eyes up and down Taehyung’s bared body.

“Oh that?” Taehyung says, “Jimin came back and we talked.”

“Ah”, Yoongi lets out, pulling a grimace of slight disgust, “don’t tell me more, I really don’t care.”

“Are you still angry at me, hyung?”

“I don’t know. Are you going to disrespect my personal space again?”

Taehyung chuckles, shaking his head, “I won’t disrespect it again. Although it was never my intention in the first place, I must say that much”, he says.

“Hm”, Yoongi cocks his right eyebrow up, “that’s a unique way of apologising.”

“Hey! I am sorry, I truly am”, Taehyung insists with the biggest puppy eyes ever.

“Mhm”, Yoongi nods his head, “thanks.”

“Not at all”, Taehyung says with a smile and releases you and Jungkook to turn to the counter, “I’m preparing tea for you, darling. Is that alright?” he asks you.

“Of course, wow thank you so much. You are so sweet”, you say, turning to him and missing the way Yoongi’s eyes squint again.

“Do you want a cup too, Kookie?” Taehyung asks him to which the younger vampire shakes his head.

“I want to go hunting soon, I’ll have to pee if I drink something now”, he says.

“Oh? Hunting? Shall I accompany you? I heard that you still need some help”, Taehyung says excitedly.

“You would really want to come with me? But it’s just running around the forest and looking for animals. It’s so boring.”

“Nothing can be boring when it is with you, my handsome”, Taehyung coos, pinching Jungkook’s cheek.

Jungkook giggles, swaying from side to side, “I mean, if you really want to come with me…”

Yoongi can barely even see out of his eyes from all the squinting he is doing by now.

He stomps closer to you, placing himself right behind you and even going so far as to place his hands on your waist with an almost angry strength. You gasp, flinching at the sudden contact. He looks over your shoulder, ignoring the confused look you send him to instead see how Taehyung prepares the tea.

“That was too much milk”, he comments, earning himself another confused look from you and Taehyung. He studies your faces, “I’m just saying, she doesn’t like that much milk. Also, you should wait until the tea is done before pouring in the milk. It ruins the taste. And if you really wanted to make it how she likes it, you would have made sure to use whole milk instead of skimmed milk, just for your information.”

“Oh, uhm”, Taehyung flusters and sneaks a glance at you, “should I redo it?”

“No of course not, it’s fine. Thank you, darling”, you assure him with a kiss on his cheek, looking at Yoongi afterwards to let him know that this was weird to say.

He avoids eye contact instantly, “I heard you’re hungry, kiddo” he says to Jungkook to which the latter nods his head.

“I’m really hungry.”

“I’m hungry too. We should leave now when the sun’s still low.”

“That sounds good for me. Dark mornings are wonderful”, Taehyung says, nodding his head.

“No. You should stay back. We’ll train afterwards and you being there will only mess up the routine”, Yoongi says rather coldly.

“Oh? Uhm. Yes of course, I completely understand.”

“Mhm”, Yoongi nods his head, sneaking a glance at you as he has been feeling your eyes on him for far too long now. You look confused.

“Are you okay?” you ask him.

“Yes”, he looks away, taking a step back and letting his strong hands slip from your waist.

Jungkook who notices this distinct, stinging scent of confusion and sadness, speaks up in hopes of lightening the mood.

“I almost bit ___ this morning. But I controlled the urges really well.”

“You did what?” Yoongi studies your neck with worry in his eyes.

“But nothing happened”, Jungkook says, “it was because she needed a hug because she-”, Jungkook widens his eyes, “oh uhm! It was nothing!”

“What was that?” Taehyung asks, letting his eyes flit between you and Jungkook.

Silently cursing Jungkook for being the worst secret keeper ever, you dare to sneak a glance at Yoongi. He seems worried.

“I’m okay”, you assure him.

Yoongi steps closer and places his hand on the side of your face to tilt your head so he could look at you.

“What happened?” he asks.

“Nothing, it was nothing.”

Yoongi visibly breathes in deeper and you know that it is to get a scent of your emotions. He furrows his brows, placing his other hand on your face as well. He figured you out.

“What happened?” he stresses.

“Nothing happened. I just slept terribly”, you insist.

“My love, what happened?” Yoongi stresses.

“Nothing. I just-”

Jungkook nudges your side, making you glance at him. He has his eyes lowered in warning. You look back at Yoongi and the suffocating worry on his features. You give in with a sigh.

“I had a really bad dream. Jungkook hugged me for comfort.”

“A bad dream?”

You nod your head.

“Mhm”, Yoongi lets out and pulls you closer by the back of your head just so he can kiss your forehead. He doesn’t ask questions, he doesn’t probe, he simply gives you comfort. And it feels really good to receive. He steps back, but keeps caressing your arm, “should I stay with you today?”

“No. It was really nothing. You don’t have to stay with me.”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

“No seriously. I just…” you sigh in defeat, “I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it yet.”

“Mhm”, he furrows his brows, “I understand. Take your time, my princess.”

“Thank you”, you whisper.

“Mhm”, Yoongi hums and kisses your cheek. Just once, but it was filled with so much unconditional love that you almost scream. It feels so nice to be kissed by him.

Yoongi brushes his thumb over your cheek and then truly breaks away from you, turning to Jungkook.

“Are you ready to go, kiddo?”

“Yes, I’m ready.”

“Good. Let’s go”, he tells Jungkook and turns to leave.

Jungkook sends you a proud look as he leaves, one you answer with shy smile.

They disappear from your sight.

Taehyung leans closer to kiss your cheek.

“You had a bad dream?” he asks in a whisper, “what happened?”

“Nothing.”

“You don’t have to lie to me.”

You huff out air in defeat, “I had a nightmare about Suzy.”

“Oh darling, that is terrible”, Taehyung cups your cheeks, “what happened in this dream?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s really hard to say out loud.”

“Was it that terrible?”

“Yeah”, you whisper.

“I understand, come here”, he says, pulling you into a hug. He sways you from side to side, caressing the back of your head, “nightmares are awful, awful things aren’t they?”

You nod your head.

“Tae, it burdens me so much because I can’t stop dreaming about her. I never see her, but I just know that it is her. I’m so scared to go to sleep because I know that I’ll see her again.”

“Gosh, I know exactly how you feel”, he squeezes you to let you know that he was there for you, “I’m so sorry that you have to dream of her. I know it is not much comfort, but there will come a day where you won’t have to dream of her anymore.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

You let out a sigh of relief, rubbing your cheek against his chest. Taehyung draws little hearts on your back, sending a constant stream of tingles down your spine.

“Darling, may I ask why you don’t want to tell Yoongi about your dreams?”

“I do, but I’m just…it wasn’t the right time. I don’t feel ready yet, I’m so scared that he’ll be angry. I don’t know”, you stutter.

“No darling, that isn’t true. I am certain that it only seems this way”, Taehyung says without judgement in his voice, “the two of you strike me as two people, who understand each other very easily. I am sure that you are just imagining the difficulties.”

You lift your head.

“Really?”

“Yes, really”, he smiles sweetly, “he forgave me for blood sharing, eventhough he swore to hate me eternally. What you did isn’t even worth mentioning in comparison to what I did. And I can tell you that whatever you imagine him to feel is nothing but a figment of your terribly worrying mind.”

You nod your head, “I hear you. Thank you for telling me.”

“Of course”, Taehyung kisses your cheek, “now, shall we do something to take your poor mind off of this awful dream?”

You study his face in curiosity.

“Grab your tea and let us go to my room. I have to get dressed. And then, shall we walk to the bakery together? You still need breakfast.”

“Yes, I think we could do that.”

Jungkook returns by dinnertime. Yoongi isn’t by his side. 

“Hey there”, he greets you and the others, “watcha eating?”

“Leftover soup. Where’s Yoongi?” Hoseok asks.

“He met with Fredrick and they drove off together.”

“Huh? That’s so random. Why?”

“Fredrick found more of Namjoon’s followers and they are checking it out. He told us not to worry about him though, because he can manage.”

“I see, that sounds promising”, Hoseok says and then pulls the empty chair out beside him, “do you want to eat something too? We left you guys something.”

“No thanks, I feel really dirty from hunting. I think I’m gonna take a shower and then chill in my room”, he says, “oh yeah and I should tell you guys from Yoongi that we are leaving once you’re done with dinner. He’ll meet us there.”

“Totally. We’ll pack up later.”

“Mhm”, Jungkook says and studies your face, “how are you feeling?”

“Better, thank you for asking.”

Jungkook gives you a lopsided grin and nods his head.

“Okay then, I’m off. I feel so dirty”, Jungkook says only to run into Jimin as he turns.

“Careful”, Jimin gasps, earning himself a scowl from Jungkook, “where are you off to?”

“Showering.”

“No”, Jimin takes Jungkook’s shoulder and twirls him back around, “not yet.

“W-why?” Jungkook stutters, sitting down by the table with a little grunt of surprise.

“What are you doing?” Taehyung asks.

“I have something for you guys”, Jimin answers him as he sets down the big bag he was carrying.

You all watch him with great interest whilst trying to figure out what he was doing.

Jimin pulls out a galaxy lamp still in its packaging.

He hands the lamp to Jungkook.

“I heard that your last lamp broke”, he tells him, avoiding eye contact.

“Uh what?” Jungkook asks, accepting the lamp with baffled eyes.

Jimin takes out another thing and hands it to Yoongi. At least he tries to before he realises that the Creator was missing.

“Where’s Yoongi?” he asks.

“Killing vampires with Fredrick”, Seokjin answers him.

“Ah, what a bugger. ___ can you give that to him later?” he says and hands you a block of new music sheets.

“Of course, uhm, thanks”, you accept it. The paper feels sturdy in your hands and carries a slight yellow undertone to it. Knowing Yoongi, he will love it a lot.

“Thanks”, Jimin says. He turns to the bag afterwards and empties the rest. Sunglasses for Hoseok, they are neon green and oversized. A matching pyjama set for Emma and Seokjin, because according to Jimin a couple is supposed to match during their leisure dates. And a set of gardening gloves for you in two different sizes because according to him he didn’t know what kinda size hands you have. You all accept the presents with confusion written all over your features, wondering if this was truly Jimin or if someone exchanged him for a lookalike overnight. 

“Here uhm”, Jimin steps closer to Taehyung, “it’s the paints you love. I know that you’re always out”, he whispers.

“I’m actually out of yellows currently”, Taehyung murmurs, accepting the box shyly, “thank you.”

“Yeah uhm”, Jimin touches the side of his neck, “that’s like…my…apology. I guess. Yeah. I was an ass. Way too many times. Sorry”, he struggles with the words, but says them honestly. He also tries to look at each of your faces, but fails miserably.

“Do you mean it?” Emma asks him.

Jimin nods his head.

“I am honest. I was being an ass all the time.”

“You were”, Seokjin says.

“I know”, Jimin says, “maybe Yoongi’s right and I’m just a shitty person. I think that means I have to work on it and can’t blame Namjoon anymore, right?” he lets out a nervous laugh, “you guys are kinda the only people who bear with me, yeah, I don’t wanna fuck it up”, he says and groans, “ew sorry, but I can’t be emotional, that shit makes me cringe. That’s all you guys get, take your presents and be happy.”

You chuckle and to your surprise so do the others.

“I get it”, Seokjin says and reaches for the pyjamas, “it’s the thick fabric. Look my tulip, it’s really soft to the touch.”

“Yeah, I heard you talk about that you like it better ‘cause for warmth reasons or shit”, Jimin explains.

Their eyes meet for a split second then both look away.

“Mhm, good fabric”, Seokjin says, discarding it again to instead busy himself by eating his soup.

“Thanks for the lamp”, Jungkook murmurs and gets up to leave for his shower.

Hoseok is already wearing the glasses, “I look so funky with them”, he says.

“Yes, they fit you well”, Jimin says and cringes visibly all whilst acting his hardest as if he wasn’t.

“Right? You picked out good glasses, they’re so funky.”

Emma exchanges a wordless look with Jimin. He gives her a nod of his head and then she has already turned to Seokjin, continuing her conversation with him.

“I think I really want to try out those paints. Darling, do you want to join me?” Taehyung says, standing up to discard his dishes in the sink.

“Aren’t we supposed to leave after dinner?” you ask him, following him outside as he tugs at your hand gently.

The others stay back for clean up.

“Just for a little. I have all of my stuff packed already. I really want to try out the paints, please.”

“Gosh Tae, stop pulling me”, you whine in a chuckle.

The night came sooner today. The windows show nothing but darkness outside. It makes you worry for Yoongi. Hopefully he is alright.

“Now what shall I paint with them?” Taehyung says, swinging your arms back and forth playfully, “should I paint you, darling?”

“Yes, indeed”, you agree, having no idea what he just said.

“What’s the matter darling? You sound far away”, Taehyung says, making you look at him.

“I’m just worrying about Yoongi.”

Taehyung chuckles.

“Didn’t he tell us not to worry about him?”

You huff out air, giving him a pout.

“Mean”, you mumble, “you know that I can’t help but worry whenever you guys leave.”

Taehyung laughs, pulling you close so he can peck your lips.

“You are beyond precious.”

“What’s the matter?”

You both turn at the sound of Jimin’s voice.

“Did something happen?” he asks, fumbling with his hands shyly, “do you not like the gloves?”

“No, they’re really great. Thank you”, you assure him.

Jimin nods his head, looking to the side afterwards.

You turn to Taehyung, “hey darling? Would you mind if I didn’t join you? I still have to pack my bags.”

“Of course, I understand. Jimin, do you want to join me instead?”

“I would love to, but I have to take a shower and pack my stuff.”

“Gosh, why are my two favourite people suddenly abandoning me?” Taehyung whines and pouts.

Jimin chuckles, pinching Taehyung’s cheek.

“You’ll live. Also pack you stuff, I know that you haven’t done that yet.”

Taehyung grins sheepishly.

“You know me too well, Jiminie.”

The two vampires leave you by your door, chatting about Mia as they leave for their rooms. You don’t listen to them for long, slipping inside your room.

You leave Taehyung’s farm an hour later. You drive for three hours into the latest night. It leaves all of you exhausted beyond recovery and so all of you go straight into your new rooms. The place belonged to Fredrick, but neither he nor Yoongi were home, just Fredrick’s familiar Jean. You stay with Taehyung that night. He lets you shower alone while he draws in his notebook. 

He turns when he hears the door open, studying you from head to toe. 

“You look refreshed”, he says.

“No, I don’t. I look tired.”

“I still think that you look refreshed.”

You scoff, shaking your head.

He opens his arms for you, allowing you to find your place in his embrace. You are both resting on your stomachs that way, bodies melted together. 

He leans in and kisses your cheek. 

It makes you shy away, head lowering and eyes avoiding contact. 

“What tortures you, my darling?” he asks in a whisper.

“I’m just worried about Yoongi.”

“Why? I am certain that he is well.”

“But if he isn’t? Tae, I’ve been thinking and what if he thinks that I want to break up with him?”

“Darling, no”, Taehyung says, shaking his head, “stop living in your head so much. All those scenarios you conquer are nothing but figments of your imagination.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Yes. I truly do.”

“I hope that you are right. Do you think that I should send him another message? I already sent him like twenty texts”, you babble, already opening your chat again. You weren’t lying. You truly sent him way too many texts to count. All of very insecure and clingy nature, “Jungkook said that his phone died, that's why he can’t receive messages, but what if he was lying? What if Yoongi ignores me because he is angry?”

“___.”

Taehyung calling you by your real name makes your ears perk up. You drop your phone, looking at him with widened eyes.

“What can I tell you to make you stop overthinking oh so much? I am aware that you feel guilty because of what happened with Suzy, but darling, you are projecting this guilt onto Yoongi and you are turning him into someone he isn’t. All those things you worry about? Aren’t real and are nothing more than mean thoughts your guilt conquered.”

You lower your head.

“Do you understand me?” Taehyung says firmly but with softness in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah I do”, you whisper, “fuck, I’m so dumb. Why do I keep overthinking so much? I really wanna do better for you guys, but I still end up doing what I did in the past. I keep overthinking.”

“Don’t be too harsh on yourself. I know that it is difficult to break old patterns. If you want me to, I can keep telling you when I think that your worries stem from overthinking.”

“You would do that for me?”

“Of course I would”, he says and kisses your temple.

You exhale in relief, leaning into the kiss with closed eyes. He doesn’t use his powers on you right now, but his kiss still comforts you deeply.

“Thank you so much, please keep calling me out on it.”

“I will”, Taehyung seals the promise with another kiss, turning back to his drawing afterwards.

The pen makes a soft scratching sound as he guides it over the paper. The drawing is almost finished. It shows the streets outside. You recognize their paving and the street lamps. 

You find great comfort in this moment. The sound of drawing is relaxing and Taehyung’s body is so close that you are engulfed in his warmth. His arm around you feels so safe and he smells so good that you want to be closer. 

You chase it by nuzzling your nose against his neck as best as the position allows you to. Well, at least that is what you were trying to do. You end up stubbing his shoulder with your nose instead, running it back and forth slowly.

Taehyung hums, stealing a forehead kiss from you.

You rest your head on the pillow afterwards, gazing up at Taehyung’s face. Taehyung glances at you, lowering his pen. He smiles softly, caressing your temple with his fingertips.

“I like that you and Jimin made up”, you confess, “I was so heartbroken for you when we still thought that he was dead and then I was heartbroken for you when he still acted like a dick all the time. He seems to finally want to do better for you. I’m happy for you.”

“You are?”

You nod your head.

“I want you to be happy, Tae. That’s all I want for you.”

“Darling”, Taehyung breathes, sagging his shoulders, “I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay, don’t say anything”, you assure him, “I just wanted to let you know.”

Taehyung smiles. He cups your cheek.

“I want you to be happy too, my sweetest”, he whispers.

“I am”, you say, “there are lots of things which are difficult and which make me sad, but when I’m with you and the others, I know that the sadness will pass again. It’s a really nice feeling to have.”

“That makes me happy to hear”, Taehyung confesses, drawing closer to you until he can trace he slope of your nose with the tip of his nose, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You fall asleep easy that night. Taehyung turns off the lights and continues drawing in the dark while you listen to the sound of it and find solace in the fact that you will always have someone willing to grant you company.

[callsign-rogueone]

Directors cut for Letters From Samara? I know you’ve already talked about my favorite love birds a couple of times, so if you don’t want to dive into them again, I completely understand. That one just had me in the worst emotional chokehold, and the way you balanced the sadness of them being separated with the goodness that is their relationship was 🤌🤌

-fw-gt

@fw-gt you know I’m always happy to talk about my og’s!!

I was so nervous to post this one because I was worried this would be ooc for Gare since he’s this cocky sassy ladies’ man in the books — but I think that makes him being a total sap for Angel even more impactful. that’s what I tell myself to help me sleep at night, at least 😅💗

I will start with what I know you’re most worried about: I am alive, I am safe, and so is X. He’s brooding in the corner of the room right now -- he’s not taking it well being apart from Vi, but command has allowed them visits every two weeks for Tairn and Sgaeyl’s sakes. 

-> he knows that she’s an anxious girl and that she’d probably be scared to open it for fear of bad news, so he’s soothing that worry first before saying anything else 🥺

I’m sure the gardens would appreciate your attention as well; I swear you could make roses grow in dry sand as long as you smiled at them every day. 

-> he’s giving her ideas of things to do to pass time time apart and to keep herself from being depressed. roses in dry sand is a nod to her signet (remember that I wrote these out of order, so they don’t know about the full extent of it right now) she has a green thumb, because she’s attentive and careful and loving with all beings, including plants, but there’s just something about her presence that makes flowers grow even in poor conditions.

-> this line is also a nod to her nurturing capability, with Sweets and the youngins, but also with Gare and Xaden. she provides that safe, loving space for her big tough boys to be soft and vulnerable.

I just got off a 12-hour patrol shift, and I’m exhausted, but it’s hard to sleep without you here. I don’t think we’ve ever been apart this long in our lives. Being without either of you has never even felt like a possibility before; it’s always been us three together through the good and the bad. Someday it’ll be like that again, I know it will.

-> case in point. he needs her and can’t rest without her being there 🥺 and this is the first time they’ve been truly separated — they were always together as little kids, and then the two of them were fostered together but they visited Xaden frequently. they’ve never been this far apart, ever.

Brennan is the best mender I have ever known. If you choose, he can help you strengthen your ability, but please don’t push yourself too far. I need you to be in one piece when I get back. 

-> he knows that she hasn’t had good experiences with Carr and Nolon in the infirmary at Basgiath, but they both know and trust Brennan, so he would be a better option, IF she wants to work on it. he knows it‘s physically difficult for her to use her signet (but he doesn’t know the full extent of that difficulty), and that it’s a point of insecurity and anxiety for her, being a third year who is still struggling to get it to work.

-> also, Gare definitely gave the man a talking to about taking care of Angel in his absence. Brennan may be older and wiser and outrank him, but all that goes out the window when it comes to Angel and her safety.

You realize what an incredible risk it was to write to you at all. It wouldn’t take a genius to put together that X is Xaden, that you’re hiding in Aretia, that you’d faked your death, or rather that your friends had faked it for you. How many hands did these pages pass through to reach you? How many others out there are on your side? 

-> because of their situation, something as simple as writing a letter is a risk, but he took it, for her — and Xaden even put a letter of his own in there that you didn’t get to see. he’s endorsed this risk fully, because he knows how much his two best friends need each other, especially right now.

You set the letters aside for a moment, stacking up the books that you’d found in the house’s library about mending and placing them in a neat pile in the corner of the table you’ve been sitting at every evening for the last week. You fold the black cotton into quarters, setting it atop the pile -- you’ll try again tomorrow.

-> Angel is literally just that, an angel. it was important to me that she clean up after herself — as a courtesy to the other occupants of Riorson house, but also because she doesn’t like to take up space. she’s sequestered herself in a little corner out of everyone’s way, so she can do her thing without bothering anyone, and she’s still stacking everything up all nice for tomorrow despite being super tired.

Garrick is right, this is the longest you’ve ever been apart, but as you gaze out the window into the starry sky, holding the letters he’d written you, the distance between you doesn’t seem that far.

-> I wanted to add something here about how they’re looking at the same constellations, her in the library in Aretia and him across the country in his barracks room in Samara, but I couldn’t get it right. I’m now realizing that this continent is probably big enough to require multiple time zones, so he might be asleep… whatever. just know that they’re both sitting quietly and thinking about each other 🥺

.

that’s all I’ve got for now, since my brain has been reduced to strawberry jello by this mystery illness. but I hope it gave you some feels and a little more insight into your faves 💗

[weekend-whip]

Under what circumstances/what characters would this happen with (I’m a sucker for this thing)

In her youth, Nya's only ever felt comfortable falling asleep in the presence of her brother, especially when huddled under a blanket beside their workshop's hearth. But over time her body grows a tendency to fall weary while studying with Zane, sharing headphones with Cole, stealing a mid-class nap with Antonia, or in the throes of the past, when she and Olivia would spend school afternoons upon the rooftop where the clouds aimlessly drifted by just as their conversations did. Yet she needs no excuse to rest her head upon Jay's shoulder as he works himself into the night, knowing he'll carry her to bed, should he not fall asleep first.

Kai would never be so foolish as to let down his guard so vulnerably—he can't afford to—so it scares him at first when he jolts up from being against Cole as the Bounty lazily sails across the provinces, when he finds himself in Zane's lap as the Nindroid tends to a wound otherwise gone unnoticed, when Jay's got a supportive arm around him as he drags Kai's battle-weary body to safety. It takes months for the ingrained hesitation to chip away, to let his walls down brick by brick, to open up just enough to have his arms wide open when Skylor trips, stumbles, and crashes into his life, seeking a solace of her own.

Cole is the same way, mainly offering a shoulder for others yet rarely seeking a perch for himself—unless that perch is Zane, in which he embraces it readily and easily, until such a comfort is reserved for another. He hates to ask or assume otherwise for anyone else—tries to bury it out of his mind—too afraid of being seen as needy, clingy, constantly wanting that grounding physical contact—until he finds a familiar, comforting hand slipped into his, as it always has been, and something shifts. He falls under the magic of Jesse's presence; he lets go, head supported by the other's shorter stature, and sleeps.

Zane's guard does not drop readily for the sake of slumber—there's a time and place for resting, and alas, the demands of a ninja do not allow for many such moments. He also knows how... uncomfortable it might be to support a metal shell of a soul, or to be supported by such, and thus does not indulge often. It's only at times when his world is torn apart, or it is him that is rendered asunder, that his loved ones will pick his pieces off of concrete, desert, and city streets—and only then does he find himself cradled gently while in the midst of sleep mode.

Jay jokingly calls the others his "Starcatchers", for the only times when he's not sparking around the skies is when he's falling from them in exhaustion. He's no stranger to waking up being carried upon Cole or Zane's backs, or in Nya's arms, or strewn over Kai's shoulders like a sack of potatoes. When he's pushed to the limits of his electrical reserves, he'll keep staggering step after step, and it rarely matters who comes to bottle his lightning–he'll crash right into them unprompted, and pass out regardless.

Trust already does not come easily to Olivia, nor does she give it freely—only to those she deems worthy or have impressed her. Seldom may there be a moment where she isn't seeking opportunity or hitting the pavement anyway, but there's a few wisps of memories—when things were slightly more right in the world—when she spent an afternoon with her best friend out by the sea and found herself serenely at peace, enough to lay sprawled out on a beach using Nya's lap as her personal pillow. Day by day she dreads never being able to feel so free to feel free to do so ever again...but, "never" is a bold sentiment to cling to.

When the world is at its simplest and most predictable is when Jesse's eyelids will start to droop, his body will sink to the side, and he'll plop into the lap of another—as he sits with Miranda indulging in Saturday morning cartoons, as he curls around a bowl of popcorn on Antonia's couch for movie night, as Harumi calls him over to be reminded the world can't be as bad as she believes, as he shamelessly plunges into Cole's arms during another of their countless stolen moments and tells himself for the umpteenth time "Ah, maybe just this once"—and in slumber becomes unshackled from the threads of constant paranoia and anticipation and simply...lets the moment lie.

Lloyd Garmadon only ever finds peace in the presence of the Elements; in the warmth of a campfire, in the vastness of the ocean, in the spectacle of a stormy sky, in the comfort of a blanket of snow, in the foundation of the ground, in the creation of the universe, in the destructive heat death of it all, in the motherly absence of any Element at all, in the eternal churning of amber, in the neutralizing embrace of a crystal, and in the miracles brought upon by life itself, and they all will always welcome him with open arms should he seek solace—he need only ask. He rarely ever does, for energy does not rest; energy does not sleep. And, most certainly, the energy never dies.

Thus, inversely...no one can ever truly rest easy in the presence of Lloyd Garmadon.

[skittikyu]

Stiltikyu? You good there, buddy?

Explanation for hypothetical abstraction under the cut!

When Stiltikyu first entered the circus, she practically skipped all stages of grief right to acceptance in a day. She was still freaked out of course, and it’s not like she likes the situation any more than the rest of them just because it became the new normal. They just..it never actually occurred to their brain that there was any other conclusion to reach. Heck, they’re half convinced they’re just dead and in some kind of purgatory now, so whether or not their body is rotting away at her computer, preserved in a comatose state, or just vanished leaving their conscience no place nor method to return, the result is the same as it would have been if they’d been isekai’d to hell by truck-san.

So are they immune to abstraction, then? Alas, just because their personal coping is different than the others doesn’t make their psyche any more resilient to stress in general, even if the source isn’t the idea of an exit just out of reach. Stiltikyu’s “what’s the point”/“nothing matters” moments are mostly interpersonal. She’s never been desperate to leave so it’s not something she can be disappointed by when she had no expectations in the first place. How can they lose the hope she never had?

What drives them to her near-breaking point is how isolated she feels despite being surrounded by other people in an identical situation. 

Maybe the situation made her desperate for connections, or maybe she was always the type to try and make then maintain social bonds. Could be both, the former exacerbating the latter. 

As an introvert she’s fine being on their own, so it’s not like she’s trying to be best friends with everyone, but they’ve got no choice but to be stuck here together so they might as well tolerate one another, right? 

So yeah, when they interact with the same group of usually-less-than-10 people every day, for years, possibly forever, she gets attached even to the ones they’re not particularly close to.

So losing them is already hard. And then feeling like the only one who cares makes it even worse. She tries to not resent anyone too badly for it, whether they’re repressing the grief for their own stability’s sake, are desensitized or mentally too far gone themselves to really process, or actually legitimately Do Not Care. 

(Besides, they’re technically not dead. Just in the cellar, indefinitely. Possibly permanently, so not much different than death, but the same could be said for their human lives regarding the circus, and you’ve already read her outlook on that.)

And oh boy do they have to try. 

The news that Kaufmo had abstracted was broken the same moment as the ceiling he came crashing down through right in front of them. Upsetting as that is already, wouldn’t it at least catch them off guard, draw out a reaction from it being so sudden and jarring?

And yet, Jax was dismissive, Kinger and Zooble didn’t even acknowledge it, and while Gangle had some of an expected reaction, that didn’t stop her from calmly taking the escalator up and away with everybody else.

Then when Caine had put him away, Kaufmo’s name was mentioned only in an incredulous comment from Zooble- mostly a jab directed at Kinger -before the conversation moved on like it was nothing. 

Just another day. 

Which yeah, here, it was. 

That’s the problem.

Maybe she’s the only one here whose ever been to therapy, but Stiltikyu genuinely believes they’d all be better off if they were more open with one another. They should be leaning on eachother for support, but the lack of vulnerability indicates an even deeper lack of trust.

(Well, maybe that’s unfair to Ragatha, who puts in the most effort compared to all of them, but she’s walking proof of the point about therapy, just in the opposite direction. Even Stiltikyu, with all her “hang ups” about compassion and connection, knows that being what you think others want or need never guarantees you’ll get what you want or need from them in return, only that they’ll eventually take it for granted (unintentionally or otherwise).)

They’re used to- expect, even -a lack of care from Caine. She understands he isn’t human and doesn’t think or feel like they do. What’s the other’s excuses? Even if they don’t have the energy to empathize, are too tired or scared or whatever to want to risk letting anything else happen that will just end up hurting them more, isn’t the fact they cling so much to their remaining humanity proof of its existence?

Either they no longer see that same humanity in those who hit rock bottom, or they’re pretending not to if it means putting off the same fate for themselves.

She’s not sure which would be the sadder way to be living.

Well, no. Surviving isn’t living.

That’s the heart of it then, huh? Everyone is too busy surviving to live.

And she can’t take it. (But she has to.)

Whose going to care, let alone miss them if they fall into thoughts they can’t come back from? They’ll just be another soul lost to the cycle with the only ghost of proof that they were ever there an X on a door memorializing them.

They don’t remember much of her life before coming here but they’re certain that at least their friends and family would miss them, even if they stopped (or never were) looking.

And maybe, in small moments, their “friends” here would think of them from time to time. Not enough to mourn or reminisce, though. The last their “name” would ever be said would probably be some semi-sarcastic remark about weakness, then they would go on like she’d never even been there to begin with.

Obviously she doesn’t wish devastation on others, especially in a case where it could become their own undoing, but the idea that she might have no impact/impression if- probably when -she slips up, is a terrifying source of motivation to keep going.

So, she survives right alongside the rest without ever really feeling like she’s “with” them.

(The disconnect is worse some days than others.)

(Let’s see how long she lasts.)

[shadamyheadcanons]

Headcanon #294

Kalopsia, noun: the delusion of things being more beautiful than they truly are.

I got this idea while listening to the Queens of the Stone Age song of the same name. Josh Homme apparently wrote this as a love song for his daughter, who he feels sees him through rose-colored glasses rather than as he truly is, and the vulnerability that stems from opening oneself up to love and being seen completely by another person. Bittersweet, isn’t it?

--

Shadow’s done many things he’s not proud of. He failed to protect Maria, almost destroyed the Earth multiple times, and has wound up on the wrong track more times than he cares to admit. His closest friends know this, and the judgmental stares and accusations of those who’ve never bothered to get to know him reinforce his negative self-image.

That’s why Amy always catches him off guard. No matter what he’s done and how many people have given up on him, she never stops believing he’ll do what’s right. He can’t help but feel she sees him in a way he doesn’t truly live up to, but it’s that unwavering faith that inspires him to strive to reach that ideal image, to be the better version of himself that she somehow sees.

Amy’s spent her whole life maintaining a positive attitude, staying bubbly and happy as much as possible for the sake of her friends. She often feels that her positivity is the most important gift she has to share with the world, so she works hard to keep it up, even when it’s only a facade and she’s just as scared as everyone else. With this image in place, she can’t help but feel everyone views her through rose-colored glasses, never seeing the insecurity and fears she hides for their sake.

Shadow is the sole exception to this. He’s blunt on a level that doesn’t allow her to be evasive the way she is with everyone else. He pursues the truth until her brave front falls and she has to admit how she truly feels.

The biggest surprise to her is that despite seeing what she views as her worst side, he still likes the person he sees.

It takes time for her to grow accustomed to the vulnerability, to fully trust that someone could truly love her full, authentic self, but once he finally breaks down her barriers, his presence becomes a safe haven she never quite finds with anyone else.

Most people were surprised when Shadow and Amy fell for each other. Only the two of them fully understood how inevitable it was.

[ferahntics]

Spectra’s Origins

So I wanted to wait until I had the motivation to do a full comic about this, but at this rate it won’t happen anytime soon, so!! Instead, will do it in this format where I throw in some images here and there ;v;

This is going to be a long post under the cut, but! Let’s get down to talking about Spectra, cause she’s probably my favorite character to work on origin-wise.

I’ve stated before that Spectra is an anomaly of sorts. She is a fusion between her real and Mirror self, meshing into this weird unstable mess that can flip between sweet and graceful, to violent and sadistic in a second.

But I never really went into detail HOW she became an anomaly to start with. So let’s knock out her old, real world self.

Spectra was seen as a matriarch, so to speak, to a group of Babut that were seeking refuge and cover from the ongoing war between the GSA and Nightmare’s monsters - and to avoid any and all contact with Dark Matter creatures. They really just wanted to find a peaceful location where they can live with as few worries as possible and away from any battles. Spectra was seen as a very gentle lady that didn’t discriminate, she took in whoever and welcomed them with open arms.

Eventually, after years of traversing, they managed to find an abandoned castle-like area, imbedded within a cliff, the caverns serving as tunnels and rooms - very welcome for a group consisting of bats that preferred darkness. It seemed to have been abandoned for a very long time, with no real trace of anything within aside from dust... and a shattered mirror.

Upon closer inspection, a being made itself present in the broken object - a spitting image of Spectra, with grey marks as opposed to her usual brown. The Mirror counterpart claims to have been chased away and forcefully locked within an alternate world, unable to escape and live freely. Naively, the real Spectra decided to keep her counterpart company and befriend her.

A decision that would prove disastrous in the long-run.

Over time, she helped a badly injured Star Warrior that had been shot out of the sky during a fight and landed near their home. She helped him recover, and trusted him to keep their whereabouts a secret, for their sakes. The warrior complied, thanking Spectra before setting off, his injuries mended, aside some leftover scars.

This prompted her Mirror self to question her naive and trusting nature - could the warrior truly be trusted? Was he going to stay true to his word? Or did he merely pretend to be truthful and would eventually come back with his own troop and attack her and the Babut. She manages to plant a seed of doubt in her real self’s mind.

And it piles on. The real Spectra begins to worry about being ratted out by the Star Warrior, starts to think she might’ve been taken advantage of. When a group of young Babut pull a harmless prank, her reflection would question if it was really as innocent as she thought - or if there was something worse under the surface.

Another concern.

And it only added up over time. One concern evolved into another, and it kept multiplying.

Eventually, her calm demeanor had diminished, and she became wary - gradually evolving into paranoia, flinching and getting defensive at the slightest and most frivolous things and reading far too much into it. She became accusatory, and with her reflection’s influence, ended up pushing everyone away. Little by little, the Babut left, thinking their once graceful matriarch had succumbed to a form of madness.

This left her alone. Vulnerable. Exposed.

And so, the one being Spectra started to think she could trust and no one else - would prove to be the true mastermind behind it all. Her Mirror self lunged at her through the Dimension Mirror when it was repaired straight at her - and attempted to use her Ghost ability to possess her. She thought that if there were only one of them - she could remain concealed, and eliminate a potential threat who could thwart her.

To counter and in a blind panic, the real Spectra uses her Mirror abilities to defend herself from the possession. And this combination of abilities ended up clashing together, causing a bizarre and intense reaction - merging the two into one unstable creature. Destructive. Unpredictable. Creative.

And no one would know how to deal with her. Or what was unleashed.

[the-writer-mao]

KINGOHGER WAS SO GOOD THIS WEEK

‼️ Episode 17 Spoilers ‼️

I loved our wise king this episode, he lived up to the title.

Interactions with each Royal was interesting;

Kaguragi: He’s aware that, like any good ruler, Kaguragi’s submission to Racles is for the good of his people- and despite this, he knows that Kaguragi wouldn’t snitch on Gira still being alive. Though, due to his fealty to Racles, he can’t count on him aiding his country.

Rita: With Gokkan also being invaded, he’d know that Rita would never dare waver in their neutrality for Racles. I think like all of the royals, he trusts Rita’s judgement no matter what- devising a plan to arrest and reason with Jerami as to make sure Shuggodam does not secure the Tarantula Shugod would be the perfect job for Rita.

Hymeno: My favourite interactions other than with him and Gira; he knows the queen’s selfishness is just a front- and he knows that she wouldn’t hesitate to help any injured or vulnerable, even if they’re not her own people. Thus why he asked her to evacuate the people of N’kosopa to Ishabana. (He even calls her by her name instead of the nickname princess, so we know he’s dead serious). Hymeno also recognizes how tired he is ;-; but won’t come in between him and the pride of his country.

Gira: I love the trope for this dynamic. Yanma’s hard on Gira- warning him that he should remember that he got lucky in his battle with Racles, and because of that, he needs to continue pretending he’s dead for the sakes of every other kingdom since each has harboured/hidden him from Racles. And another warning that if Gira goofs up, he wouldn’t hesitate to eliminate him to protect his country. Though, Gira knows that Yanma would never run away, and Yanma knows this kid’s got a fiery heart. Dead or alive, he’s got the same mindset as Yanma- to hell with Racles, they’re their own kings.

Racles: The last Yanma focus ep was kinda difficult to watch lmao (all Sentai seasons have to have filler eps it’s okay) so I enjoyed the Racles-Yanma interactions this episode a lot more. N’Kosopians already disagree with Racles’ way of ruling, let alone Yanma who refuses to ever work under Racles again. This president is at the top, even at the brink of death, he would never sink so low as to bow to Racles.

Jerami: This one’s a bit difficult, I was hoping he could witness Yanma’s plan a bit more, especially since the last focus episode, Yanma was really stupid to use Jerami’s illusion gun to prank Racles. I feel that just like Hymeno and Rita, Jerami needs to see Yanma in all seriousness. Hopefully this dictatorship peace treaty that Racles has made with the Bugnarok opens his eyes.

I feel that outside of this invasion, Yanma isn’t one to easily ask for help, especially from neighbouring kingdoms due to his pride. But he’s wise enough to know that a true win would be to look to the royals he can trust- Yanma knows his fellow royals. I can’t imagine what N’Kosopa loyalty would look like, but I’m sure it’s mighty- I look forward to seeing it towards other kingdoms later on.