#shes fun. we made a choreography and everything just to beg for something from her in front of our entire theatre class

[watch-out-it-bites]

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 13

A manorian high school AU

Words: 2563

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Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

Oh, the queen of peace

Always does her best to please

But is it any use?

Somebody’s gotta lose

-Florence + The Machine, Queen of Peace

The music roared out of the speakers, and Manon moved her body to the rhythm, letting herself get lost in the upbeat tones. She had done this a dozen times by now, memorized this choreography weeks ago. 

But then she turned to the right, and it wasn’t Asterin dancing beside her - as it had always been - it was Sorrel. 

It startled her enough that she halted and messed up a few steps. Manon caught up with the others, but she was unable to pour her heart into it like she usually did. Her mind was too busy thinking about Asterin, worrying whether she was okay or not after their grandmother had kicked her out.

Manon had seen her at school a few times in the following weeks, but they hadn’t talked, and she doubted they would. Asterin probably hated her now, after all the horrible things Manon had said to her. 

Getting kicked out is the least you deserve after getting yourself knocked up by a boy who will leave at the first sign of some real responsibility. Don’t come crawling to me when you find yourself homeless and heartbroken. You’re off the dance team, by the way.

Manon hadn’t meant what she said, not really, but maybe this was for the better…

Her grandmother had made it very clear that she was not to talk with Asterin anymore, and Asterin avoiding her, hating her, made everything much easier.

Yet, if it made things easier, why did it also make her so sad? The house had been awfully quiet these weeks, so quiet it was near-stifling. Manon hadn’t realized how different, how empty, home would be without Asterin there.

Stop moping around you sad, pathetic fool!

Manon mentally scolded herself, forcing her attention back to the dancing. She couldn’t keep letting this distract her. Asterin was simply an obstacle who no longer stood in the way of her future.

Finishing the rest of the choreography, she ignored the desperate, disappointed voice inside her head that whispered; you’re beginning to sound like her.

When the music faded into nothing and her body stopped moving, Manon put on her usual mask of cold, calculating boredom and turned towards her team. She immediately knew something was up, as they were all looking at her as if they had something to say, but didn’t dare say it.

«What,» Manon said, more an order than a question. If they had all decided to gang up against her, she only wanted to get it over with. 

The girls exchanged wary glances, before Sorrel took a step forward and said, «We need Asterin on this choreo.» Manon was surprised when Vesta, who leaned against the wall with her arms crossed, stayed silent for once.

With a sigh, Manon answered Sorrel, «And why the hell do we need Asterin?» 

Yet again did they all look at each other, as if this was something they’d discussed behind her back. The icy feeling of betrayal snaked its way up Manon’s spine.

«Because it’s always been the thirteen of us. We’re off-balance without Asterin.» It was Ghislaine who spoke this time.

«You’ve said it yourself,» Briar shot in from the back of the room. «If just one of us is missing, the entire team falls apart!»

It was when Vesta finally opened her mouth that she snapped. «And you slipped up today, Manon. Several times!» 

«I have no idea what you’re talking about,» Manon hissed, clenching her fists so hard it hurt. «You have been distracted today, hell, you’ve been distracted, lazy and off-beat all week!»

«Because Asterin-» Vesta begun, but Manon didn’t let her finish.

«I don’t wanna hear another word about Asterin! It was her own stupidity that got her kicked off the team, and if you, all of you, don’t start working a bit harder, I won’t hesitate to replace you with someone else!»

The room was unbearably quiet when she was done talking, and Manon could hear her own heart thundering inside her chest. She had to stay calm, couldn’t let them see her fall apart, even if that was what she felt like doing right now. She was losing control, she was-

«I can talk to Asterin today if-»

«GET OUT!» 

Manon’s blood was boiling at the audacity of Vesta. Why couldn’t they understand that Asterin, with her carelessness, was jeopardizing everything they had worked towards? 

Her grandmother had been clear in her orders: everything had to be perfect, so they had to win nationals, which they couldn’t do when one of the teammates first of all didn’t bother showing up to half of the rehearsals, and second of all, would be heavily pregnant come spring.

When everyone had left, and Manon was alone once more, she didn’t let herself brood over the fight they’d just had, didn’t let herself recognize how awful this made her feel. She simply turned the music back on, and forgot.

She forgot everything she’d promised her grandmother, forgot the math test she’d butchered earlier today, forgot the fact that her whole dance team had probably just quit, forgot that she had no control over anything in her life anymore.

Yet as she kept moving her exhausted body, one thought remained. One of piercing blue eyes and soft lips.

And when she remembered that she had an actual date with him the next day, Manon smiled, despite everything.

-

«Why are you looking at me like that?»

How am I supposed to not look at you? Dorian wondered. Manon was radiant where she sat with her body leaned back, eyes closed, face tipped towards the sky. She was smiling softly, the autumn sun making her white-blonde hair glow.

Instead of telling her that, Dorian went with: «I’m just wondering what you’re thinking. You went quiet all of a sudden.»

She had. They’d been sitting here for hours now, under the huge oak tree in the park, eating and laughing and talking, but now she was silent, a calm, contemplating aura around her. 

Manon hummed in answer, before opening her eyes and twisting towards him. «I’m just…savoring the moment, I guess.» Her mouth quirked to the side, the movement making her nose scrunch, and Dorian had to let out a chuckle.

«Now who’s the cliché?» 

She’d been playfully mocking him for his picnic this whole time, even asking him if he was aware that they weren’t in every high school movie ever made. Dorian had begged to differ, telling her that the only reason it was a cliché, was because it worked.

And it did. After a while, Manon had reluctantly agreed that yes, maybe it was a little romantic. The admission had been accompanied by an eye-roll, of course, but what else could you expect?

«What time is it?» Manon asked after a moment. 

Dorian scrambled for his phone, finding it half-lodged under the picnic basket. «It’s almost 3pm,» he said, marveling over how much time had passed. He could spend all day like this, just talking about all and nothing with Manon. No matter what they discussed, she surprised him with her answers, whether it be a funny joke or an unusually deep thought, offering a new perspective on things. 

«I should head home soon,» she sighed, but Manon made no sign of getting up. Instead she laid down, Dorian joining her. «My grandmother will start to ask questions if I’m late.»

From what he’d gathered, Manon’s grandmother was very strict, especially when it came to boys, and Manon had told her she was studying at the library today. She rarely talked about her family, and whenever they touched on the subject, she quickly started talking about something else. Dorian knew not to ask questions, though. She would open up when and if she was ready, and those moments often came at the most unexpected times. 

«I had a lot of fun today, you know. Even if I still think you just googled date ideas and went with the first hit.» Dorian laughed at that, his stomach filling with what could only be described as butterflies. 

«Does that mean you would want to do it again?» They were lying on their backs, face to face, and all Dorian could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss her.

It had been weeks since their kiss in the library, but they hadn’t been able to do it again. All they’d gotten was stolen moments in between classes and late-night texts, their busy schedules making sure of that. Until now, that was.

«I would love to,» Manon offered, answering his question. «But next time I decide what we’re doing.»

«Deal,» Dorian grinned, his eyes staying fixed on her lips as she spoke.

Moments passed, the tension between them tangible, and then Manon whispered, «Is it weird that I really wanna kiss you right now?»

That was all it took for Dorian to crash his lips into hers. 

The kiss was exploring at first, her lips so soft and so perfect. He’d thought about their moment in the library constantly in the past weeks, but his memory could never do it justice, he knew now. This was the real thing, the real Manon, and she was bewitching. No other word could describe the experience that was kissing her.

Dorian pulled her closer, and Manon placed her hands in his hair. He had to continuously remind himself that they were outside, in the middle of a park, and anyone could walk by at any moment.

Yet he couldn’t stop either. Their mouths had gone from searching to ravenous, both of them trying to get closer to the other. Manon nudged him with her tongue, and he opened up for her, the taste of her exquisite.

His blood heated, skin becoming incredibly tight all of a sudden. He could keep doing this forever.

But they had to pull apart at some point to simply just breathe. And they did.

Manon let her forehead rest against his as they both panted slightly, Dorian reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of her face. «I really should go now,» she murmured against his lips, leaning in to kiss him once more. 

It was Dorian who pulled away this time, stroking her cheek. «I’ll see you later then.»

«Yeah,» she sighed, standing up in one smooth movement. The air around Dorian suddenly became unbearably cold. 

After Manon had picked up her jacket, ready to leave, she halted for a moment, and said, «I meant it when I said today was fun.» 

Then she leaned down to place a swift kiss on his cheek, stood back up and walked away, leaving him alone, all flustered. 

Dorian had to wait a moment before he could get up himself, because his pants had just become very tight. His face was burning at the fact, but he forced himself to think of dead puppies and his parents fighting and his gym teacher in those tiny shorts he insisted on wearing.

That last image was particularly horrifying, but it seemed to do the trick. Then, Dorian picked up his phone, only to find fifty new messages from Aelin in their group chat.

Sighing, he began to skim through the thread.

Aelin: Do you guys have plans for today?

Aelin: Rowan is busy

Aelin: And I’m bored

Aelin: Hellooooo

Chaol: I’m guessing I have plans now…

Aelin: I can actually hear how hard you’re sighing right now Chaol

Aelin: We’re seeing a movie today

Chaol: When?

Then there was a lot of planning back and forth, and both Chaol and Aelin trying to reach Dorian. The last message he got was a selfie of his best friends glaring at him, the text reading: Come hang out with us loser.

So Dorian stood, feeling lighter than ever, and began calling Aelin to hear where they were.

-

Stepping into the narrow hallway of her home, Manon carefully closed the door behind her, trying to stay as quiet as possible in case her grandmother was working. 

She hung her coat on the rack and turned her phone on silent. She rarely got any notifications, but that was before Dorian. Now they sent messages back and forth at all hours, most of it silly nonsense.

«Manon, is that you?» her grandmother called from the kitchen. Letting out a shaky breath, Manon made her facial expression that of someone who had studied in a library for hours and definitely hadn’t just made out with a hot boy.

Listen to yourself, you sound like some lovesick girl from those movies you hate so much, Manon mentally yelled, rolling her eyes at how annoying her internal monologue was becoming.

«Yeah, I’m back.» She stopped by the doorway to the kitchen on the way to her room, where her grandmother was sitting by the table, laptop open in front of her.

The woman glanced up at the clock on the wall, before looking back at Manon, her eyes searching. «You stayed at the library for a long time.»

Manon had to fight to stay fully still, to not flinch at her grandmothers words. She couldn’t know, could she? Putting on a fake smile, Manon said, «I just got into a really good workflow, didn’t wanna quit.»

Her breaths were getting faster, and she could feel the panic sneaking up on her.

Just keep it together until you’re alone! She always asks questions like these.

«I’m almost done with the history assignment,» she added to make sure her grandmother bought it. Even if it was all a lie. She hadn’t even started on the history paper.

«Good. I already made dinner, but there are some leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry.» Her grandmother’s tone was pleasant, almost happy. She had to be in a good mood today, then. The whole thing felt deeply unsettling.

At least she was safe, for now.

«Thanks, but I’m not hungry. I’ll be in my room,» Manon said before turning and hurrying down the hall. Once she’d closed the door, she finally let out the breath of relief she’d benne holding, throwing away all pretense.

She couldn’t keep lying to her grandmother like this…

Not only did it make her feel awful, but the consequences would also be too great. She was putting her whole future at risk when she was acting like this, sneaking around and prioritizing boys over her schoolwork. 

Frustrated, she threw herself down on her bed, startling Abraxos who was sleeping on her pillow. Dorian made everything so much more complicated. Agreeing to go out with him had been a mistake. A huge, huge mistake.

Yet she’d felt better today, happier, than she’d had in a long time. She’d even managed to forget the catastrophe that was her dance team, if only for a few hours. And with this light, fluttery feeling, everything seemed more manageable. 

For now, she could do this, wanted to do this. The thought of not being with Dorian anymore… It didn’t feel right, and she was actually looking forward to Monday, when she would see him again.

She knew this, they, would have to end one way or another, but she couldn’t let go just yet.

A/N: That break really got longer than I anticipated...

It's been nearly a year now, since I first got the idea for this fic and started writing it, and here I was, believing I could be done with it by summer 2020. In all honesty, it feels like I posted chapter 12, blinked, and then 4 months had passed. But here it is, at least:) We have reached the halfway point, and a little progress is better than none. I'm still not making any promises regarding this fic, other than I will finish it, someday, whether that be in 2 months or 2 years. And to all of you who still read, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU SO MUCH<3<3 I could not have done it without you!

All the love, Aurora<3

Taglist: @fireheartdreamerstarborn @bookishwitchling @hellasblessed @kit-12 @onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp

I keep a separate taglist for each ship, so let me know if you want to be on any of them!

[seventeensarmy]

(2) Stuck With You (OT7!Hybrid Au)

Pairing: OT7xReader, Jungkook x Reader, rest will come in the course of the story

Warnings: a tiny bit angst in like the flashbacks, but also combined with fluff, bad written smut , oral (m. receiving), dirty talk, unprotected sex (reader is on pill, but i didn´t write that. Also don´t do unprotected sex!), spanking, dom/sub dynamics, that i described idk.. maybe a bit to obvious.

Words: 3.670

Summary: Planning to train the whole day doesn´t sit well with Jungkook, especially if he gets easily distracted. (Not gonna lie, this is kind of a filler chapter, because I wanted to give a bit more detail to JK´s and readers realationship)

A/N: Next Chapter we´ll have the next member appear, share your guesses?!

Previous / Next 

Chapter two

“And do you know where I want you? On your knees”

Taglist: @imezz​ @anxietylovesme​ @holaaaf​ @ot7purple​ 

(Not my gif)

One year ago ( Jungkook 21 / Reader 20)

 "Stop cheating!", you exclaimed, looking giggling through the mirror, watching Jungkook trying to warm up with you.

This morning he had insisted to try to warm up with you, but he quickly realised, that a ballet warm up looks a lot different than a normal gym warm up.

You were standing and bending down trying to reach your toes.

 Jungkook, being the good boyfriend he is, said he had to watch you do it first, so he'd know how to do it. Naively, you believed him, continuing with your warm up, not noticing that Jungkook didn't participate until you looked up to change the exercise.

"I'm not cheating, I'm practising my patience", he smirked, "You don't know how much patience and will it takes me to not take you right here. Seeing you so nicely bend over for me"

You felt the blood rush into your face, standing up straight to look up to him.

"Don't distract me", you whined, shuddering as his hands roamed over your body, setting on your behind. "I didn't get to train yesterday either", you pouted, remembering the way he didn't even let you leave the bed yesterday.

His grip tightened around your waist, one hand left to bring down a harsh slap on your ass, making you whimper.

"But I'm pretty sure you still owe me two free days, seeing as you trained three weeks non-stop."

You looked away, not wanting to see his smirk, as you realised he was right.

The last years had been rough, but better because of Jungkook.

 After hearing about your parents’ death you didn't know what to do. You were underage with no family, you couldn't live alone.

The lawyer came the next day and had even brought his hybrid, claiming that maybe the hybrid would have a calming effect on you.

After smelling the hybrid Jungkook came stomping out of the room he was hiding in, saying if someone would calm you it was him.

The lawyer had asked you if Jungkook was your hybrid and you admitted that he wasn't. The both of you feared that Jungkook would now be taken to a shelter, but were surprised when the lawyer asked you if you wanted him to be.

You and Jungkook were speechless, Jungkook becoming your hybrid?! You nodded your head rapidly and you could swear Jungkooks eyes were becoming teary.

After that the lawyer asked if you had anyone who could be your guardian and you immediately thought of your nanny and cook.

Unsurprisingly both of the asked adults didn't even need to be convinced. But seeing as they both had their own families and didn't want to move into your house and you didn't want to intrude in their lives, you came to the decision that you would stay in the house on your own and the staff would just come to work like they used to.

Money was a bit trickier; till you were legal your guardians would be in control of the money your parent left you. It was a huge sum and you were grateful, that even though your parents seemed to be travelling a lot they still managed to save up just as much, if not more.

 You and Jungkook should never have trouble with money, even of the staff was paid and bought the food from the same sum.

Now you were 20, last year you got your first credit card.

Hybrid laws were also changed in the last years, allowing them access to education (though not in public school) and even own money, so you also got a card for Jungkook with access to your money.

He started to be home-schooled with you, though he had to start first on the basics like reading and writing. But since its Jungkook, everything he set in his mind he achieved.

 You were planning to stay in Busan till you finished your school, maybe then moving to Seoul. After talking about it with Jungkook a plan was easy made.

You'd finish school here and move to Seoul, you weren't sure though if you'd want to sell your home. Jungkook told you that, if you could afford to keep it, you should keep it.

 Living with Jungkook was one of the best things to ever happen to you, he helped you to get over your parents death in a way no one else could. It had been hard, you couldn't eat and sleep, barley functioning.

It had been Jungkook who fed you when none of the staff could talk you into eating.

He was staying with you in your room, holding you while you were crying and mourning. True, the relationship to your parents was rough, them never being around and pressuring you. But they were still your parents and now they were dead.

 "Kookie, please. Just an hour or so", you begged, it was true, you were training a lot, but you had a performance in a few days and saying you were nervous was an understatement. It was the first time you were dancing in a competition in the age class adult. The people you were competing against were probably a whole lot older than you. “I think you trained quiet a lot the last weeks. A few days rest would help you gain some more energy” Jungkook said frowning.

“I need the practice, I know you don´t like it, but they all have more experience than me. How am I supposed to keep up with them? I have enough energy, I just need to get the choreography right. There are still so many parts that aren´t perfect, did you see my last few turns? If I don´t work on them I don´t even need to show up to the competition. Also, why would you even let me warm up if you don´t want me to practice?”, you were starting to rant, but you couldn´t stop yourself now, hands wildly moving you started to realise how many flaws your dance still had.

Jungkooks hand came up to your face, holding your chin tightly, making you look up and stop your movement. His gaze made you freeze immediately.

Never had you thought that your poor bunny would be so dominant and you never thought you would be so submissive. Though Jungkook told you it was pretty clear from the beginning that even though you are the human, you weren't really in control. You didn't know if you should have been offended, but you couldn't find it in you. You had just scoffed, saying, that if you really wanted to be in charge you could, but saying it felt like lying and your boyfriend just laughed.

There was no other person that you trusted like him, so you didn't mind letting him take control, it kinda took away a lot of your anxiety and stress and you saw that Jungkook was enjoying it too. Finally being able to have some control after living on the streets for years and not being able to control his own destiny.

You were looking up to him, hoping he would at least give you an hour.

He chuckled at your try to convince him.

"You know I don't like you training too much. You're going to overwork yourself again", his tone was calm, but firm, you tried to avoid his gaze, but he still held your chin, not letting you look away.

"Just an hour, please Kookie. Just for my peace of mind. So I won't feel bad"

 You could see him thinking, he was avoiding your eyes, knowing he would give in as soon as he looked at you.

Jungkook groaned, "You get one hour of normal training. Don't even think about pushing more than usual or I'll make you sit on that couch for the rest of the week. And I'm watching."

Knowing it wouldn´t be smart to argue you nodded, hugging him tight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." He rolled his eyes and sat down.      

You started training, the moves just so flowing out of you, you didn´t even need to think about it. Dancing was the only thing in your life that was constantly there, before you had Jungkook, you had dance. While your parents had always pressured you to do better and told you to take part in competitions, you had still kept your love for ballet. Now dancing felt like the most natural thing to you, that doesn´t mean there weren´t moments where you wanted to quit.

You remember first starting to dance on pointe and how your toes kept hurting even days after. You couldn´t imagine continuing dancing like that, where was the fun in doing it when it was hurting you while doing it. You remember your mother screaming at you when you told her; you didn’t want to dance anymore. She was telling you how ungrateful you were being, claiming that you shouldn´t stop the only thing you were good at/for just because you were weak.

But you also remember Jungkook comforting you when you were crying to him that day, you almost expected him to tell you to quit, because you were crying so much. You knew he didn´t like seeing you sad or hurt, so it would only make sense for him to tell you to stop, but he didn´t. Instead he told you, that dancing was your passion and you shouldn´t stop just because you hit a rough patch.

“It may be hurting now, but imagine how you´ll be feeling once you can dance absolutely free. You´ll be able to do anything you like. Don´t you think that pain will be worth it in the end?” Your first reaction to his speech was a snort, no eleven year old boy could talk like that, you were convinced he heard something along the lines before somewhere and decided to recite that to you. But then you saw the serious look on his face and understood that he knew what he said and he meant it. You went to bed that day thinking about his words, you couldn´t really imagine how it would feel to dance without pain again, you didn´t think that would be possible again. Then the words Jungkook spoke hit you, you wanted to know how it would feel, you wanted to dance.

Thinking back on it now, you realised how stupid you were for even thinking about stopping dancing, but that´s why you were also so thankful for the bunny. You didn´t know how you would have decided without him, maybe you would have continued for your mother and grew to hate it, maybe you would have stopped and suffered the wrath of your mother.

Arms snaked around your torso, stopping your movement; you felt a hand brush your cheek. “Why are you crying?” Jungkook asked softly. You didn´t realise you were crying, you held eye contact through the mirror, cupping his hand with your smaller one and leant back on him. The two of you were just swaying comfortably to the music in the background.

“I just thought about how thankful I´m for you” you said quietly, knowing your boyfriend will hear you anyway. “You are pretty amazing, you know?”

Jungkook grinned before firing tiny kisses to your cheek and jaw, “I know I´m great, but don´t forget that you made me this great.” You shook your head, “You did that by yourself, I just let you be.”

The song faded out, but the two of you stayed this close, still swaying with no real rhythm. “You know, I looked at some houses in Seoul. I think there are some you´d really like” Jungkook mumbled into your hair, before pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. You hummed before finally turning around to face him, “But Kookie, we still have to finish the school year here, before we can go and move out.”

You were a bit confused why he would already worry about your new place; you still had to finish your last year of home schooling. “I know, but I thought, that we could maybe start looking around a bit, also, your school year has like eight months left, which isn´t a year, if I´m correct”

Jungkook looked smug as he realised, you couldn´t really say anything against that, you shook your head and rolled your eyes, “Whatever” You tried to wiggle out of his grip, but the way to strong bunny didn´t let you move an inch.

Instead he gripped your chin tightly, “Did you just roll your eyes at me?” he asked in a low tone, sending shivers down your spine. When you first started dating Jungkook showed already, that he didn´t accept certain behaviours and he had no problem to put you in your place should you forget. After you helped him with his first rut he only got more demanding, but you didn´t mind.

You loved to see him so confident and sure of himself and he loved to see you trusting him so much to let him be. You knew he loved being in charge and having power and he knew you loved feeling small and being taken care of, in a way you could say, that your childhood made you what you are today.

“I´m sorry”, you whimper out, not wanting to meet his stern gaze, silently cursing yourself. You knew that there was a good chance he would punish you, he already punished you for less, and while you loved it and the pleasure it brought, you loved being good for him. You wanted to be praised, be his good girl, the way he would praise you and tell you how good you were being for him always managed to make your heart flutter.

“Look at me” the dominance in his voice alone would have made you crumble to your knees immediately, if it hadn´t been for his grip on your jaw. “Did we forget how to behave now?” he spoke in a condescending tone that made your thighs clench. “First you train too much, then you dare to talk back to me, wanting to train even more, overworking yourself again. And now you roll your eyes at me and can´t even look at me. What am I gonna do with you, you brat?”

“I´m sorry Kookie, I really am”, you whine, hands softly gripping onto his arm. Jungkooks eyes soften for a short bit, before turning hard again. “I believe you are, baby girl. I know how much you love to be good for me, but sorry isn´t going to cut it this time. I think you need to be reminded where your place is. Tell me little girl, do you know where your place is?”

You shuddered, finally looking up to him through your lashes, already knowing what he wanted to hear, Jungkook watched with hungry eyes as you spoke, “Wherever you want it to be, Kookie. My place is wherever you want me.” Your boyfriend hummed in agreement, “And do you know where I want you? On your knees”

Without having to be told twice you sank to your knees, hands already on the zipper of his pants and Jungkook didn´t stop you, as you pulled his hard member out.

“That´s right, my baby already knows what I want from her. Trained her so good, so obedient for me. Go on little dancer, take it in your mouth. If you do good maybe I´ll let you cum today”

With new motivation you took the head of his member in your mouth, before flattening your tounge against his the underside of his dick. You kitten licked him a few times, but started taking him all in after he growled at you not to tease him. You began to steady bob your head up and down and Jungkooks groaning from above you told you, you did everything right. A hand came down to your hair and he started to control the pace, making you gag as his dick hit the back of your throat.

“That´s right little dancer, taking me so well, looking so pretty while you choke on my dick.”  

Jungkook watched you with hooded eyes, your hands tightly gripped the back of his thighs, tears leaking your eyes and the only sound to be heard were Jungkooks quiet groans.  “Ah fuck baby girl, if we keep going like that I´m gonna cum” he moaned and you brought your hands to his balls, trying to make him cum, especially after tasting his pre cum on your tounge.

But Jungkook had other plans, he pulled you off his dick making you stand up. “That´s not where I´m cuming in baby girl. Up to the mirror, hands against it” Before he even finished talking you were already in motion. Bend over, hands pressed against the mirror. You felt Jungkook standing behind you, big hands roaming over your back till they came to rest on your hips.

“Always so responsive for me, good girl” he praised knowing it´s what you´ve been dying to hear. His feet kicked softly against your ankles, making you widen your stance, before he hooked his fingers under your shorts, pulling them down along with your panties.

You whimper as the cool air hit your core, you arched your back, hoping Jungkook would get the hint to finally fuck you. You felt finger tips brushing down your spine till they came to a stop at your core. Whining you tried to push back, wanting Jungkook to touch you where you needed him most, but as he picked up on your neediness he chuckled, his one hand on your hips limiting your movements. “If there´s something my little dancer wants, she should just speak up”

You looked at him through the mirror, hoping your pout would make him soften up and just give you what you want. He caught your pout and smirked, one finger stroking painfully slow over your clit, making your legs tremble. “Is there something you want me to do? You are so wet, I bet there´s something you want. Speak up baby girl, you were so good at talking back earlier”

You whined at the thought of having to voice your wishes, but your whine was quickly replaced by a groan, as you felt his finger leaving your clit. Gone was the only stimulation you had gotten so far.

“No no no, Kookie. I want you to fuck me” you exclaimed loudly. You looked at Jungkook through the mirror, his face darkening and you realised, you may have forgotten something. Before you could talk again, a harsh slap came down to your ass, followed by the next. You first yelled out, but quickly started to find the pleasure in the sting. “Did you lose your manners? Is that how you talk to me? I thought you were my good girl?” he asked, not stopping spanking you and you couldn´t control your cries anymore. You could feel how wet you were and you needed him, now.

“I´m sorry, Kookie. Please, please fuck me. I promise I´ll be good. But please I need you to fuck me”, you begged and almost let out a sob as you felt his thick member slowly pushing into you. “Yes, yes, please- fuck Kookie” you rambled as he completely entered you, not giving you much time to adjust and starting off in a fast pace. Jungkooks hands both found your waist, holding you as he fucked into you. The only sound to be heard was the sound of slapping skin and yours and Jungkooks moans. You threw you head back, letting Jungkook lean forward to leave his marks all over your neck. One of his hands snaked their way between your legs, finding your clit and helping the knot in your lower stomach build.

“Look at what a good girl you can be if you want. Begging like a good girl, letting me mark you up, so everyone knows you are mine- fuck such a good girl” Jungkook moaned making your head loll in bliss. You felt your orgasm approaching, your pussy clenching around Jungkooks length. “Fuck! Keep clenching like that. Are you close, you wanna cum on my dick? Letting me pump you full of my load, yeah?”

“F-fuck, please Kookie. I wanna cum, please, can I cum? Please I-I” you were babbling by know, the pleasure coming from Jungkook combined with his dominant aura was clouding your senses. He chuckled and moaned as he also felt his dick twitch, “Look at you being my good girl and asking. Cum for me.”

At his words you felt white pleasure run over you, you came moaning Jungkoooks name, head falling forwards. Your legs felt like they might give up if it wasn´t for Jungkook holding you. Jungkooks thrust’s starting becoming sloppy, letting you know, that he was also close as he continued to fuck you.

Your pussy clenched around him, causing Jungkook to also finally cum, his finger dung into the flesh of your hips, no doubt leaving more marks. He moaned out your name, along with a few cuss words, before stilling. The sound of your heavy breathing filled the room.

Slowly he pulled himself out and turned you around, so you were standing chest to chest, you both still fully clothed above your hips. Jungkook pulled you into a sweet kiss, “My good girl, you did so well for me. I love you” You melted at his words, but the sweet moment was ruined as you felt his warm cum running down your leg. Jungkook noticed and swept you up in his arms, “Let´s get you cleaned up. How about a bath and then a movie?”

You nodded and relaxed in his arms, you pressed a sweet kiss to his neck and murmured a quiet “I love you Kookie”, but by the tightening of his grip and the smile on his face you knew that he heard you just fine.

 Next

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (240-231)

#240: Joci Pápai - Az én apám (Hungary 2019)

"Hallom őt, az ő szívét a húrokon Látom őt, múló idővel az arcomon Az ő hitét büszkeség vallanom Ezeregy dalból ezt az egyet dúdolom, dúdolom"

"I can hear him, his heart on the strings I can see him, bearing the passing time on my face I’m proud to confess his faith Of a thousand and one songs this is the one that I hum"

If there's anything I love at Eurovision, is when someone sings a song from their soul. And in both of Joci's entries, he does just that.

Az en apam is a bit more sedate than his first entry (which will come soon enough), but it's calming and serene with substance. The lyrics, talking about his relationship with his father, is a touching and poetic tribute, one that people should really speak to their loved ones that care about them.

It's just a shame this song was the one to break Hungary's impressive qualifying streak; I thought they were on a path to win soon (though not with this one...). And they left the contest too; hopefully they will steer the ship back to more open waters and come back.

Personal ranking: 5th/41 Actual ranking: DNQ (did not qualify)--12th in the first semi-final in Tel Aviv

#239: Anna Vissi -- Mono i Agapi (Cyprus 1982)

"Η ζωή μας περνά, κι ότι φεύγει πονά Πίσω δε γυρνά, κι όμως κάτι μας κρατά"

"Our life passes by, and whatever leaves, we’re in pain It doesn’t come back, but something holds us together"

In most cases, the first entry somebody has sent in the contest is their best, with a number of exceptions here and there. Anna is one of them; I never liked her first entry, but her other two are fantastic.

Mono i agapi is quite lyrically simplistic--it talks about how love remains between two people, as the world changes around them. But the melody has a very loungy sound--I've heard it being compared to a James Bond theme. While I don't hear why it would be the case (other than the alluring mystery of this piece), it does give a calming vibe, and stands out in the rather mediocre field in 1982.

Personal ranking: 3rd/18 Actual ranking: 5th/18 in Harrogate

#238: Yardena Arazi -- Ben Adam (Israel 1988)

בן אדם הוא רק בשר ודם,” אבק פורח במדבר, בן אדם, בדרך העולם, כצל עובר, כחרס הנשבר "

“A human being is only flesh and blood, Dust flying in the desert A human being, in the way of the world Like a passing shadow, like broken pottery"

Yardena's time at Eurovision 1988 is best known for the anecdote where she goes to a fortune teller who said that song #9 would win that contest. When the draw occurred, Israel was slotted into that place, but was shafted up to #8 when Cyprus withdrew from having an already-released song. #9 would go to Ne Partez Pas Sans moi, which would end up winning and make history thanks to its singer.

This ends up taking away from the song itself; Ben Adam is reminiscent of older folk songs, but it takes off with its own character and flair. I also love the lyrics, which recognizes humans as flawed, without berating them as such. (We need a little bit more of that in the internet world, haha)

The flurry towards the end of the song was well-executed too, and the instrumentation is just fantastic. It feels like one was in a festival!

Personal ranking: 2nd/21 Actual ranking: 7th/21 in Dublin

#237: Amandine Bourgeois -- L'enfer et moi (France 2013)

“Tu m’as fait pleurer à vif Mon cou porte encore ta griffe J’aimais échanger de peau”

“You made me cry a lot You can still see your mark on my neck I used to like exchanging skin”

I love the dark sensuality of this song—with its blues influences, it tells a story of a relationship gone awry, but does so with sophistication. It starts out with a slick guitar line, which later devolves into a full on outrage against the lover at question.

The harshness of this song probably clashed with its opening spot, which is why it’s so underrated. Or it was because of Amandine’s styling...

Either way, it has grown on me since I watched the 2013 contest, and it gets the right vibes going...except with the lyrical story...

Personal ranking: 5th/39 Actual ranking: 23rd/26 GF in Malmo

#236: Ambasadori -- Ne mogu skriti svoju bol (Yugoslavia 1976)

"Ne molim da se vratiš Al’ molim te da pamtiš Voljela tebe samo sam ja”

“I’m not begging you to come back But please remember I only loved you”

Ambasadori was one of Yugoslavia's biggest groups, and they have a long list of who's who in the Bosnia music scene. I'm not familiar with their other music, but Ne mogu skriti svoju bol definitely highlights their artistry, along with the dark-pop take Yugoslavia had in 1970s Eurovision.

This song was initally my fifth place of 1976, but it has steadily grown until it became my fourth (knocking out Portugal in the process) The instrumentation conveys a dark mood, despite the upbeat strings and the poppy sound. There’s a grooviness in it to contrast the sullen lyrics, mourning for a lost love. It definitely stands out in the crowd; along with Ismeta's lack of makeup.

It got rewarded with a second-to-last place, which is way too low for this. And Yugoslavia withdrew for five years, and came back with a new sound...

Personal ranking: 4th/18 Actual ranking: 17th/18 in Den Haag

#235: Zibbz -- Stones (Switzerland 2018)

"Sins of the father make us fall And I can’t do anything about it"

2018 had a number of staging errors which cost several countries qualification. In Stones' cases, this wasn't the case.

Corrine has incredible stage presence, with a sense of strength and attiude as she struts on the stage. She definitely adds substance to this powerful pop-rock song, fighting against bullying in all corners of society.

To further that, she lights a flare at the bridge, which definitely hits the tone of the song home. Plus, it was an awesome moment to behold.

Basically, Zibbz did everything right--great song, thoughtful message, simple but impactful staging, and it still didn't qualify...While it has outgrown me a bit, it's still a total jam.

Personal ranking: 9th/43 Actual ranking: DNQ -- 13th in the first semi-final in Lisbon

#234: Kalomira -- Secret Combination (Greece 2008)

“An open book An open book, well, I'm sorry, I am not Sometimes I'm acting like a lady Sometimes woman, sometimes baby.”

"You maybe an open book Spongebob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that"

One third of the female-bop grouping in the 2008 contest, Secret Combination takes Greek instrumentation and American production to produce quite the gem. I could imagine Britney Spears singing this, but I also thought of the Cheetah Girls when I was listening to it. With a bit of sweetness and a touch of sexiness, Kalomira plays the different roles well--and has a cute moment when the book actually opens, revealing her in a really nice silvery dress!

Personal ranking: 7th/43 Actual ranking: 3rd/25 GF in Belgrade

#233: Avi Toledano -- Hora (Israel 1982)

"וגם ההורה, ההיא עם הה”א קולה עוד עולה, קולה לא נדם"

"And also the Hora, the one with the Hey Its voice still rises, its voice has not been silenced"

Israel had a particular style with songs from the 1980s--they are usually really energetic, with fun choreography in which everyone joins along. It makes for good results and good energy, especially when it's done well!

Hora seems to embody it in many ways, from the celebratory lyrics to the fun dancing across the really tiny stage in Harrogate. It combines Israeli folk music with a sense of joie-de-vivre, celebrating the nation (which as you will see later, may not work today...)

Avi earns himself a strong second place, but he would write something even better the following year (again, will come later)!

Personal and actual ranking: 2nd/18 at Harrogate

#232: Raphael Gualazzi -- Madness of Love (Italy 2011)

"Ma vedrai un altro me in un sogno fragile Riderai come se non ti avessi amato mai Cercherai un altro me oltre all’ombra di un caffè"

"But you’ll see another me in a fragile dream You’ll laugh as if I had never loved you You’ll look for another me beyond the shadow of a coffee"

Between 1994 and 2010, Italy withdrew from Eurovision, with only one participation in 1997. Nobody knows why, with reasons ranging from the rise of a televote to Italian disinterest in the contest, but they were certainly missed. Thanks to the late Rafaella Carra and a bunch of other circumstances, Italy came back in 2011, and they did so in style.

"Madness of Love" is frequently overlooked amongst Italy's post-comeback entries, as some of us aren't into jazz. I don't listen to the genre often, but I like this song particularly. It's flirty and sweet, under a very sophisticated soundscape which reminds me of a 1920s speakeasy. And while people are put off by Raphael's vocals, the way he lets himself go at the end of the chorus is definitely a highlight.

Basically, it's one of those runners-up that should've won against the winner of its year. But it was nicely made up for ten years later.

Personal ranking: 2nd/43 Actual ranking: 2nd/25 GF in Dusseldorf

#231: Anneli Saaristo -- La dolce vita (Finland 1989)

“Minä sammutin elämän janoa vaan Minä osasin onnea anoa vaan Jälkeen kaiken nyt saatan sen sanoa vaan La dolce vita”

“I was just quenching life’s thirst I knew how to plead for happiness After everything all I can say is: The good life”

La Dolce Vita sounds more stereotypically ”Spanish” than “Finnish”, because of its flamenco influences versus the dark pop or metal we expect from the country. Apparently, a lot of Finns travel south for vacations, which makes a bit more sense here.

Either way, it springs a bit of life and joy into a dark heart. It embraces life in its tropical vibe and Anneli’s deep vocals, and conveys a comfortable mood. Apparently, it was also known for Anneli's slight choreography, but I only noticed her standing during the instrumental.

It would be Finland’s last top ten result for many years, but the 7th place it got in Lausanne was deserved (and they should've done better, actually!). A fitting send-off for their long-time conductor Ossi Runne (RIP).

Personal ranking: 3rd/22 Actual ranking: 7th/22 in Lausanne

[san-station]

No more sad songs • Bang Chan

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

(Fluff & Angst)

WARNING: Broken heart.

↝Word count: 1,9k 

The things you've done for your best friend were uncountable, you would go to hell and beyond to bring him back to you, just like Dante did for Beatrice on his journey through the nine circles of Hell. Having the Lee Minho as your Thing #1 was what people would say: a blessing. But sometimes blessings weren't as great as they sound. Your relationship was a mess, he was known as the mighty fuckboy of SKZ fraternity and you were "Lee Minho's fan", "the girl who chases the unreachable", "the groupie" and more names you've heard around campus. 

People didn't know that you've been friends since you could spell your name correctly, you went to the same school, you lived in the same neighborhood and Minho was the first one to approach the little shy girl who rather play alone with her dolls and paint some flowers than play with the other kids. Minho found you cute and weird (in a good way), you were the only girl that didn't want to give him a kiss or ask to be his friend, so he thought you were unique.

Over the years, you built a beautiful friendship based on him being the cocky fuckboy who dragged the bashful girl to parties; you being the responsible friend who dragged  him to his house before he passed out and gave him painkillers in the morning to get him to his dance major classes. Him, distracting you from your music major homework to watch his new choreography, and more.

Your friendship was like any other friendship... the problem was that you were deeply in love with Minho from the very beginning. You loved everything about him and it hurt, you were in love with the one person who will never see you as more than just a friend because he loved to party, to live the moment and forget about the past, to blindly look forward and annihilate everything in his path, it didn't  matter if his best friend was in the field, he'll destroy her without noticing and, even so, you loved him.

You've been through a lot due to that reckless behavior and he was oblivious, he didn't realize those sad songs you wrote were about him and the things he did impulsively. That time when he kissed the girl with the white dress on Lee Jeno's party leaving you all alone in a place where you didn't  know anyone and ended up calling your friend Changbin to give you a ride back home; the time when you were eating at a restaurant with your other friends to celebrate your birthday and he didn't show up because he was having some fun at the dance studio with his choreo partner and didn't even apologize; that time when he got pretty drunk and kissed you in a SKZ party and then said "I'm sorry, Y/N, I thought you were another girl! Ewwww, I kissed my best friend this is so weird" and started laughing his ass off. 

He never notice the tears in your eyes when he did all of that, he never stopped to ask how you were or if you wanted to go when you felt so unhappy on those parties. And you still did everything for him because he had your heart, yet, he was so stupid to understand it. All your friends knew it. Well, they all could read your lyrics and play your beats and be aware of your feelings towards Minho.

Now you were at the music studio with your fellow partners and friends: 3Racha, also known as Bang Chan, Seo Changbin and Han Jisung. Your appointment for today was creating two different beats with the same lyrics to see how flexible it could be, but all you were thinking were gloomy melodies and heartbroken songs.

The australian boy gave his friends a concerned look and text them on their group chat. 

∼3RACHA Bros∼

Chan: I think it's Minho again... 

Jisung: Yeah, saw him yesterday, he REALLY had some fun lololol

Changbin: Hyung, do something... this isn't working.

Chan: Why me???

Changbin: you're good with words :D

Chan: We all literally are good with words, Bin.

Jisung: c'mon Hyung, she'll listen to you, you have like a thing lol

Chan: ????

Changbin: Make her happy or we won't buy you food :D

Chan: I hate both of you...  

Jisung got up from his sit in front of you and you looked up at him immediately. Changbin stood up as well and smiled at Chan. 

"We're gonna buy pizza for the rest of the evening", Changbin said fixing the black beanie on his head. Jisung grabbed Chan's wallet over the table and he groaned.

"For real?", Chan questioned rolling his eyes and sitting back on his chair. The laptop in front of him stopped playing the track he was working on and stared at Jisung. 

"We'll be back soon", Changbin said again and, before getting out of the room, he turned to you and groaned. 

"And pleaseeee, I'm begging you, Y/N, no more sad songs", he pouted. 

Jisung pushed him outside the room and yelled: "yeah! I'm the sentimental boy of the group, please, be happy for once, girl!" 

You tensed and lower you gaze to your lyrics book tracing the words with your fingers. Chan sighed at the view of your dispirited body and sat next to you, closer.

"Let's talk about... the beautiful day!", Chan panicked a little and smiled at you brightly. You didn't see him, you couldn't find in yourself any strength to put a smile on your face or even willing to, it didn't worth it.

"I'm not in the mood, Channie", your voice sounded like a sweet whisper. If Chan wouldn't have gotten that closer, he wouldn't have listened.

"Would you like to talk about it?", he asked pouting. He really wanted to make you smile, it warmed his heart watching your amusement. Right now he felt sick watching you so depressed, he could feel as if all his energy would've left his body and needed proper sleep to regain the power or the enthusiasm he required for you to feel something more than sadness. He heard you sighed.

"Yesterday, in Mark's party... Minho was making out with like four different people at the same time while I was sitting on the couch waiting for him to go back home." You closed your eyes, images of last night travelled through your mind making you whimper. "It hurts so much..." 

Chan kept silence, his breath was heavy, his eyes were on your face as you finally saw his expression and you got worried.  

"Don't look at me like that, I'm gonna be fine soon!", you reassured him.

"It's just that... I've told you the truth about him so many times and you're still not over him, Y/N", Chan caressed a strand of your hair avoiding your hurt gaze. 

"It's not that easy, you know? We've known each other since first grade... I've loved him since...", Chan frowned and hummed for a second. 

"How could you tell it was real love when you basically were thinking about dolls and candies?”, he spoke calmly, pronouncing every word slowly for you to process the question. You frowned and opened your mouth, yet, Chan interrupted.

“Tell me something... Has he ever told you that he loves you? Has he ever thanked you for everything you've done for him?”, once again, he caressed your hair and stared deeply into your soul, his brown eyes made you swallow hard trying to remember a moment when all those things happened. 

“Has he ever compliment you about your work? About your incredible music?”, he continued as the voices in your head screamed the real answer. 

“Sometimes… I think...”, you finally mumbled and sighed in defeat. Chan was right, Minho had only said good things about her when she did him a favour, when he asked for things and she was there to help him; when he was tired of listening to her complains, he would say something nice to make her stop.

Your lips trembled as you tried to speak, but nothing came out, so Chan grabbed your hands and squeezed them. 

“Y/N, you love someone who's too selfish to realize you've been crushing on him for years, I think it's time for you to understand that you have to move on or you're going to keep hurting yourself even more than you are right now”, his voice, in a way, made you feel safe, it made you feel that the decision you’d make was the right one, that there are others who could make you a better version of yourself, make you believe you were loved. Chan’s voice was really one of those who you wanted to hear before going to sleep and when you wake up. Chan always took care of your feelings trying to make you smile even when you had to write a sad song, even when you cried the whole night because Minho forgot your birthday, even when you were so fragile you could broke by negative thoughts. Chan was there and that was the most important thing in your life right now. You sniffed and avoided his gaze, it started to burn your cheeks unexpectedly.

“The past sometimes brings us joy, you have your good memories with him, he’s your best friend, for God sakes!”, he scoffed in disbelieve and that made you chuckled, his eyes became crescent moons when he smiled at that gesture.

“The love meter you have right here”, his right finger pointed the left side of your chest. “...you need to low that status a little. From 'I'm in love with Minho' to 'I love my best friend as much as he loves me, as a friend' and keep looking forward because you're a strong woman, okay?”, your seriously thought your body was on fire, your hands holding his made your stomach growl and you giggled due to his words. 

“You are beautiful, Y/N, you are an amazing person and you have the kindest heart... Give it to someone who will appreciate everything you're willing to give and embrace real love…”, Chan died a little inside when he saw the effect of his words on you, you were shining, cheeks with a pink shade of embarrassment and giggling like a teenager girl. His heart was racing out of control but on the outside he seemed relaxed.

“Thank you, Channie… I really appreciate it”, you said trying to stop your smile from growing bigger.  

“I promise that, once you forget about that crush, you’ll find someone who would be there for you in the good and bad moments”, he pinched your blushed cheeks. He stood up and you thought he was going to sit on his chair a few meters away from you, but he actually grabbed his laptop and sat on your side. 

“So, what about we start making a happy beat for your lyrics?”, you nodded and opened again you lyrics book. 

Both of you began to work on the melodies and changed a lot of the lyrics as they were too depressing. An hour and a half later, Changbin and Jisung came back with the pizza they promised and watched the joyful atmosphere around you. At the end of the day, you made two flexible tracks for your appointment and ignored the messages Minho had sent you inviting you to another party. You laughed when Jisung was making fun of Changbin, you laughed as Changbin was complaining about Jisung, you laughed when Chan laughed, you were happy there having your own party and you couldn’t think of any sad songs anymore. 

Masterlist

[twiceblackvelvet]

Can I request a angst/fluff scenario where reader and jisoo have broken up but reader gets drunk and confesses their love for her 🥺

A/N; i left this quite open-ended because i may expand on this in the future, hope you don’t mind anon. enjoy!

It’s been three weeks now since your entire world came crashing down. Not that you’ve even noticed. Time stopped existing when the feeling of life having no meaning anymore took over your mind. 

For the last year, you dedicated your time, effort and love to someone who you thought you’d be with for the rest of your life. Thus, now you’re no longer able to do that, the thought of moving on feels like the universe’s way of having a joke at your expense. 

You’ll never be able to find someone as loving, beautiful, strong, kind, funny and considerate as Jisoo. Yet, you managed to throw it all away in the blink of an eye over a silly accusation. An accusation that shouldn’t have even fallen from your mouth. One that Jisoo just can’t seem to forgive you for. 

After a day full of practicing new choreography for her next comeback, Jisoo decided to unwind by heading out to a bar with the rest of her members, she dropped you a quick text telling you not to bother waiting up for her and yet you still did. When she finally made it back to the dorm your built-up frustrations over how little you’ve gotten to see each other lately as well as your own insecurities just got the better of you in the heat of the moment. 

The next thing you remember is being told to leave. You’d seemingly blacked out in a haze of anger. The image of Jisoo’s cold eyes soaked in her own tears as she tells you the relationship is over has been tormenting you ever since. 

You later found out from Jennie, who you bombarded with texts after Jisoo blocked your number, that you’d accused her of cheating with their choreographer. Every bit of trust between you both shattered into a million pieces and there’s no way you can glue them all back together. 

Every night since has been spent wallowing in self-pity, scrolling through pictures of you both and mentally abusing yourself for being the world’s biggest idiot. 

Tonight, however, you have to put on the biggest and fakest smile humanly possible. In your depressed state, you’d completely blanked on the fact that it’s your best friend’s birthday and that she’s organized a party for herself. You tried repeatedly to get out of going but she too is fed up with your moping and convinced you that having fun is exactly what you need. 

So, here you are. The middle of a nightclub, music pulsating through several speakers placed on every wall and yet you’re still unable to drown out thoughts of Jisoo. 

“Cone on, liven up a bit. Here, have a drink!” A woman you don’t recognize whatsoever places a drink down in front of you and stumbles off towards another table. 

Usually, you wouldn’t be so silly as to accept a drink from a stranger, but you’ve passed the point of caring whether you end up spiked or not. For a split second, you even hope this already drunk woman has added something extra to your drink solely so you can stop all of your thoughts and feelings for longer than five seconds. 

One drink quickly turns to two drinks and then soon enough you’re in the same state as the woman who initially handed you the first. Your balance has gone flying out of the window as the ground has seemingly turned to jelly. Well, either that or your legs. 

“I think you’ve had enough, babe. Why don’t we get you home?” You try to focus your eyes to see which face this voice belongs to but you’re unable to see clearly as three of the same person appears before you instead. Everything around you is hazy and the dizziness is not helping. Before you can answer your mind goes blank and you once again blackout. 

Someone above must be on your side as luckily your awaken when a taxi driver shakes your body and tells you that you’ve arrived home. You quickly stumble out of the car as to not hold them up any longer but you soon realize that the building before you is not your home. 

Without thinking, you stumble up to the front door and ring the bell. You try to stand up straight and look presentable, but in actuality, you look like someone has hit you with a bus. 

The door slowly opens and you’re pulled inside by a clearly frustrated Jennie. 

“What are you doing here?” Her question is answered without words when she smells the alcohol on your breath and takes in your disheveled appearance. “Oh god, you’ve been drinking. Come on, let’s go back outside, I’ll get you-” She’s unable to finish her sentence as she notices your eyes boring past her face to something behind her. 

“It’s fine Jennie, I can handle this.” 

Hearing Jisoo’s voice for the first time in three weeks makes your insides burn deeply with need. Every inch of your body is begging you to run to her, wrap her up in your arms and never leave her side again. Despite your intoxicated state, your mind tells you not to do what is your first instinct and to instead allow her to guide you slowly to her room without speaking a word to each other. 

Once inside the room that you’d previously spent many nights curled up beside the woman in front of you, your eyes allow the flood gates to open and no matter how hard you try the tears won’t stop falling. Jisoo simply stares on at you with the same cold expression as the day you left, her hands are fidgeting with the hem of her oversized sweater and her feet don’t quite know whether to carry her body to be beside you or stay rooted firmly to the ground.

“Why did you come here? I can see that you’re drunk but… why here?”

Your mind hadn’t allowed you previously to think about how you ended up here. But now, the only thing coming to the forefront of your mind is that you love her. You love Jisoo with every fiber of your being. You love the way her eyes shine whenever she smiles. You love the way her skin is so soft and flawless. You love the way her first instinct in a scary situation is to lighten the mood with one of her silly jokes. But most importantly, you love that her heart is so pure and ready to offer care to anyone who needs it. Yet, you decided to break said heart just as easily as she had trusted you to look after it.

“I’m sorry, I should leave.” You stand up albeit slightly unsteadily and begin to head back towards the door you just entered but her hand grasps tightly around your wrist and drags you back to your seated position.

“No, you came here for a reason tonight, I want to know why.” Her voice is harsh now and your ears sting slightly having never heard this tone previously.

There are so many racing thoughts inside your head now. You know you don’t deserve forgiveness. You know you don’t deserve this opportunity to explain yourself. You know that no matter what you say here you’ll never be able to stop the feeling of self-loathing nor take away Jisoo’s anguish. Yet, you try.

“I’m not sure, honestly. I went out with some friends and I guess I drank a lot more than I should have and now I’m here.” The first expression you see is a disappointment, clearly unhappy with your answer Jisoo sighs and sits down in front of you with her arms and legs crossed. “I really didn’t intend to come here, I just… I guess in my mind I just felt like I needed to be with you. Now that I think about it, I realize how selfish that makes me. I get myself into a state like this and my first instinct is to come running back to you to look after me.”

Word vomit has seemingly taken over your brain as you’re unable to stop yourself from letting words spill from your mouth without thinking them through, this time, they’re not accusing Jisoo of things you know she’d never in her life do. Instead, they’re confessing what’s inside your heart once more.

“I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much and that you have every right to be mad at me, never forgive me or even throw me out right now. But I need you to know that truly, I am so sorry. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know you’d never do anything to hurt me or our relationship. You have been so honest, loyal and caring every single day and I just… I got so frustrated with not getting to see you or having to cancel plans because your studio time went longer than it was supposed to. You were right beside me at times and I still missed you.” 

Your entire body begins to shake now that you’ve started to open up. Jisoo notices this and slowly sits beside you and entwines your fingers together as she looks up at you through eyes rimmed with tears.

“I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe you’d grown bored of me or that you’d found someone else. I know it sounds stupid but I started to tell myself every single day that you were going to leave me thinking it would prepare me for it. Instead, it turned me into this jealous monster who couldn’t handle hearing about any other person being around you. I got so lost inside my own head that I ended up destroying us completely.”

Jisoo pulls you into a gentle hug as she runs her hand across your back. Your thoughts are still telling you that you’re undeserving of all of this. That she’s being too kind by comforting you after you ripped her heart out of her chest all due to your own insecurities. She still remains silent and allows you to finish what you’ve started.

“I love you. I love you more than anything else in this world. I know that you probably don’t believe that or think that I have a funny way of showing it but it’s true. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and I’m scared that you always will be because I don’t deserve you. I want to be happy again but I can’t without you and I don’t want to let you forgive me at the same time. I love you so much that it’s killing me.”

With that, you remove yourself from the embrace Jisoo has pulled you into and grab your bag to leave. You’re not sure if it’s from pouring your heart and soul out or the after-effects of several tequila shots but exhaustion has finally hit and you need to get home.

“Wait.” Your entire body freezes in the doorway with Jisoo’s words. “Don’t I get a say in any of this? Or are you just going to walk out and pretend I don’t feel the exact same way about you?” Her own body suddenly presses against your back as she wraps her arms around your torso holding you in place. “You’re right. I shouldn’t forgive you, nor should I have to take care of you in a state like this. Yet, here I am, willing to listen to you tell me you love me, willing to let you explain yourself and after all of it is said and done, I can’t think of anything else more I would rather do than look after you and let all of this go.”

None of her words make sense to you, she’s speaking very clearly and close enough for you to hear it perfectly and yet you can’t comprehend what any of it means.

“I’m not saying that all of this is fixed nor do I know if it ever will be, but I’m willing to try and put the pieces back together if you are. I love you y/n. Despite everything, I still love you.”

[jellicleetcetera]

Cats 2019: A Spectacle of a Trainwreck

I saw cats 2019. And I had a lot of thoughts about it. So I thought I'd write an essay. Because that's what I do when I have a lot of feelings about something. I write about it.

So, I’m going to start this off by saying that I’m actually a huge fan of the original musical. I get the songs stuck in my head constantly. My personal favorite rendition is the 1998 direct-to-video adaptation. When I first saw the trailer, I was terrified. I saw that they were adding a speaking plot, and I immediately knew there were going to be a lot of changes. I was prepared, though, because the original musical would be very hard to sell to general audiences. Hell, Cats is hardly a musical for people that like musicals. Cats us a beast of its own kind. A lot of changes would have to be made if this were going to do well at all in the box office. So, I promised myself that I would go into it with an open mind.

My mom asked me a couple months later if I would go with her to see it. Now, as most of you die-hards would know, seeing Cats with your mother is a very dangerous gamble. Either she’ll understand what’s going on in That Scene, or she won’t. But either way, you’ll be uncomfortable the whole time. I didn’t know if they were going to include the scene or not. I was hoping so because I would love to see the reactions, but also praying that it would be cut because Jesus Christ I’m seeing it with my mother. I agreed, though, because I knew I was contractually obligated to see this damn thing and if my mom took me I wouldn’t have to spend my own money on the ticket. So, the release happens, a few days go by, and then my mom and I walk into an empty theater on the morning of Christmas Eve.

It was certainly a spectacle of a film. Everything was super vibrant and flashy. I absolutely adored the giant sets. I honestly think it’s incredible that they actually built giant sets so the actors would look effectively cat-sized. They looked a little too small, but then again, Jellicle cats are rather small. Also, my sense of cat size is warped because my own cat, Comet, is absolutely massive. But I digress.

Aside from the set design and the flashy palette, though, one thing really bothered me visually. And it will surprise no one. I really, really didn’t like the cats themselves. Design-wise, fine, they’re alright. Their faces are a little creepy but it’s not that bad. Add a little more cheek fluff and you’re good. However, there’s a specific reason I didn’t like that they did CGI fur rather than practical costumes. It cheapened the dancing.

The moment you slap something CGI onto something real, it makes the real thing look like it’s CGI. That’s just unavoidable. During the whole movie, I couldn’t really get over the fact that they looked CGI because it made the dancing look like it was computer-animated rather than real people actually dancing. Which sucks, because when you look past the gross look of their digital fur, the choreography and the dancers were incredible. (Although I do wish it was a bit more… feline. The original musical’s choreography wasn’t as complex or impressive, but it really got the message across that they’re cats, and not just human dancers with cat features.) It’s really a shame. If they had been in practical costumes, they would have looked like much better dancers. Creating practical costumes would have also added a bonus of getting to create interesting, modern reimaginings of the old 80’s fluffy wigs and legwarmers.

Now, on to the story and characters. Some changes I liked, some I was fine with, and some I didn’t like one bit. I think it would be easiest to share all of my thoughts by going down the list of musical numbers and sharing my thoughts on each one, with some digressions to talk about other related things. I don’t think I need to say this, but many spoilers lie ahead. I’m going to mostly assume that you, the reader, have at least a basic knowledge of the original plot and characters of Cats, but I’ll fill in crucial details here and there as needed. Here we go.

When the movie opens, we’re treated to a fresh new story for one of the main chorus cats, Victoria. In this film, she’s an abandoned cat dropped off at the dump in a canvas bag. I immediately knew she’d be our main character. I found the decision to make her a newcomer to be a pretty smart one. Victoria became the audience stand-in, since the movie is assuming you’re going into this having never seen Cats.

Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats was a banger. Can’t deny that. It was fun and upbeat, and the choreography was great. I loved the junkyard set, too. Plus, through the speaking plot, they gave The Naming of Cats a little more justification. Honestly, I think the entire speaking plot was just a huge justification for the songs for people that can’t connect the dots between them. But whatever. Anyways. Macavity also appears in this scene, but I’m going to get to him later.

I wish they kept Victoria’s solo dance… you know, a solo. The dance with Munkustrap was lovely, but I wish Victoria got to keep it. This is due to my own personal bias of that dance being my favorite, though.

Now, The Invitation to the Jellicle Ball brings me to a character that changed a lot. Mr. Mistoffelees. They say, in his song, that he is vague and aloof. There was nothing vague nor aloof about this Mistoffelees. They turned him into a hapless, bumbling fool. Personally, I thought he was kind of cute, but it seemed like an unneeded change. The plot would have been fine without it. I liked his pencil wand, though. I suppose they wanted to make the relationship between Victoria and Misto more sympathetic? Rather than making Misto this cool, distant character that any newcomer kitty cat would fall for, they gotta make him clumsy and dumb so Victoria doesn’t look shallow I guess? I dunno. It’s fine. I’m fine with it. Everything’s fine.

Also that song was fine.

Gumby Cat. Oh, Jennyanydots, what have they done to you? Okay, I’ll say it, I’ve never really found Rebel Wilson to be all that funny. I know, boo me, I’m the worst, I suck, moving on. She was fine in this role, and I’ll admit, some of the gags were pretty silly and fun, but watching Cat Rebel Wilson eat tiny roach people was just… not great. Also, the mice were creepy. *shudders*

Now, I’m going to go into this next song’s review with a disclaimer. The Rum Tum Tugger, in Cats 1998 specifically, is my favorite character. I love him. He’s an 80’s rockstar himbo delight with a smooth, sexy voice and he knows it. God help me. When I heard Jason Derulo would be playing the new Tugger, I found it to be a pretty obvious choice in making Tugger new and hip to the modern crowd. It’s fine, I get it. However, making him, like… Not as smooth? I don’t get why they did that. He’s supposed to be an unflinching badass personification (catification?) of swag and confidence. I didn’t like that change one bit. #NotMyTugger

Grizabella the Glamor Cat was pretty great. I loved Jennifer Hudson killed her role in this movie. 10/10 amazing job. However, this song brings me to another matter entirely. I couldn’t tell who was singing it! Pretty much none of the chorus cats were recognizable to me. I could pick out Jemima and that’s pretty much it! It took someone telling me that they changed Demeter to a russian blue for me to even have a chance of knowing which one she was. Demeter is one of my favorite cats, and we’ll be talking about her again later.

Although I wasn’t expecting it, I really liked Bustopher Jones. I thought that it was fun that they really went for it, making him shown literally digging through the garbage for all of the gourmet food he loves so much. It’s not made very clear in the original musical that this was what it was implying. I’m glad they did this, because otherwise it probably would have flown over everybody’s heads. I miss the “toodle-pip” though.

I loved Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. They chilled it down a lot, which I was fine with, though I did miss their loud cockney accents and eccentric choreography. I also miss the double cartwheel… The movie made up for it, though, with having really fun imagery. This one was definitely my favorite one from the movie. They made them more like sly, seasoned mischief-makers, rather than boisterous bastards. (I do love bastards, though…)

I loved Old Deuteronomy. Judi Dench is wonderful, and that song is always a lovely delight. Not much else to say about it.

Can we get an F in chat for The Pekes and the Pollicles? It shall be missed.

They cut down a significant amount of the ten-minute dance sequence that takes place in the middle of the show. DAMN them for shortening it. Cowards, the lot of you. However, this also means they cut out That Scene. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. To those saying this movie is incredibly horny, I BEG you to go watch Cats 1998. THAT movie is horny. It has The Scene, and also a multitude of ass shots throughout the film.

Also I was fine with them changing Victoria’s dance with Plato. (I think they replaced him with Munkustrap? I don’t quite remember.)

I loved Memory. Jennifer Hudson. *chef’s kiss* Amazing.

Beautiful Ghosts was… fine. It was a lovely song, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t… sound like the rest of the musical. It sounds more modern than the rest of the soundtrack. And they modernized the soundtrack, too, so that’s saying something. It just felt a little out of place for me. Also, I don’t like its placement. Let me explain.

Grizzabella and Gus the Theater Cat are supposed to be comparisons of each other. They’re both old and nearing their final days, wishing for days long past. However, the thing that makes them different is their relationship to the other Jellicle cats. While Grizzabella is cast out and rejected, Gus is loved by the clan and he’s a very strong candidate for being the Jellicle choice. There’s already a song between their two songs, The Moments of Happiness, but that song acts as more of a bridge between the two songs, rather than an interruption like Beautiful Ghosts feels to be.

I liked Gus the Theater Cat. Ian McKellen seemed to like his role, which I liked. He’s amazing at everything he does, too, so his performance was no surprise.

Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat was fun and upbeat and everything I hoped it would be. 10/10 would tap dance again.

I didn’t like Macavity the Mystery Cat at all. They cut Demeter out of it entirely, removing her implied history with Macavity, and in the process removing her entire relationship with Bombalurina. Instead, they made Bombalurina Macavity’s bitch. She got the song all to herself. And I’ve gotta say it. I don’t like Taylor Swift. That song felt like nails on a chalkboard. I hated every moment of it. Also, I find it hilarious that they kept the lyric, “Macavity’s a ginger cat. He’s very tall and thin.” and he is very obviously none of those things in this movie.

I didn’t like a lot of things about Macavity, too. I liked Macavity he got more of a presence than in the stage musical, but some things were kind of… lame I guess. Some of the scenes on Growltiger’s boat (I thought they would do Growltiger’s last stand but I was wrong!) were slow and boring. Even their little “action” scene. They also removed the Macavity fight scene, where he tries to kidnap Demeter. Very cringe of them. ANOTHER thing that is very cringe fail terrible was what they did to Grizzabella. They stripped her of her original backstory and just made her Macavity’s ex. FORGET that. Horrible. Hate it. Stop making everything about Macavity.

Back to Mistoffelees and his own song. Although I didn’t like that they removed Tugger’s role in Mr. Mistoffelees, I understood why. They turned him into a main character, so of course he had to sing his own song. However, they kept the lyric, “His manner is vague and aloof,” (well, “My manner is vague and aloof.”) which I find very silly of them. Yet another lyric that directly contradicts what the movie is providing. Also, I didn’t like the lack of dancing in this scene! Mistoffelees is one of my favorite dancers in the original productions. Specifically the big, impressive toe touches. Cowards.

I wish they let Jemima keep her solo. I know why they gave her solo to Victoria, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Congrats, Webber, you got to cut your ex-wife’s part out of the musical. *claps*

I liked the reprise of Memory and the subsequent journey to the Heaviside layer. I loved the chandelier balloon, too. It was all very emotionally impactful. My mom literally cried next to me during Memory’s reprise. Amazing job.

I never really liked The Ad-dressing of Cats in the musical because it feels unnecessary after such an emotional, perfect ending note with the journey to the Heaviside layer, but this version was kind of fun, I guess. Old Deuts looking directly into the camera was a little off-putting, though.

Overall, I thought this movie was fine. Will I watch it again? I don’t know, maybe. If someone put it in front of me, I would probably watch it, but I’m probably not going to go seeking it out when Cats 1998 is right there. It was fun, and it was definitely a spectacle. But was it Cats? Mmmmmm… It sure does look like Cats, but it doesn’t really feel like Cats. Do I think it’s a good movie for someone that isn’t already a fan of the musical? I don’t know, maybe? I’m seeing that most people hate it, which is a shame. If anything, I hope this movie compels people to seek out other productions of this musical. It really is a fun romp of a musical that I think people might like if they give it a try. I mean, it was Broadway’s longest running show in its time for a reason.

Do I recommend this movie? Sure. Go see it if you want. I’m not about to give this movie a score out of ten, because I find those kinds of rating arbitrary. But sure, go see Cats. Maybe it’ll lead you toward the superior version. Cats 1998.

[toothyblowjob]

fuck it, cats recap

i saw cats with my boyfriend a few days ago. i wanted to make one of these after but thought i couldn't possibly add anything to the heaps of commentary already available on tumblr. unfortunately, cats has a certain staying power, and i think the only way to forget what i've seen is to write it down (aided by a list of songs to remind me which scenes came in which order). so here we go

the opening scene was such a bizarre combination of unsettling and kinda boring. there was so much unnecessary tension.

the set actually looked really pretty! shame about everything it had to witness.

almost all the words in the movie are unintelligible. it's probably for the best.

victoria, the audience surrogate cat, was initially in a big burlap sack which was thrown into an alley. the jellicle cats approach and dramatically paw at the sack. you can tell this was a bit of choreography meant for the stage and not a movie.

some of the cats crawl on their hands and knees, and it's just the most uncomfortable thing you can imagine.

when victoria actually emerges, all the cats hiss and disappear, then reappear to sing a song that mainly consists of asking victoria if she has certain "cat" traits like... being blind at birth???

"would you look at a king? would you sit on his throne?"

in the same song there's a sequence of cats just listing adjectives for themselves. i looked up the lyrics and apparently at one point they say "rabbinical cats." what the fuck is a rabbinical cat?

the big gray cat (afaict he isn't named in the film, but the credits list him as "munkustrap," which is one of the worst names for anything i've ever heard) asks victoria for her name, and is perplexed that it's something normal. look buddy, you don't get to name yourself munkustrap and then complain about anyone else's name.

apparently cats have three names: one that their family calls them, one super fucked up one that they decide themselves (like munkustrap), and a secret name they don't tell anyone else. the third name never becomes relevant, so i honestly don't see why they mentioned it.

if you ever see a cat in "profound meditation" they're just thinking about their name. aight.

sorry, good omens fandom, cats forever ruined the word "ineffable."

i think it's somewhere around here that macavity first appears??? i am ashamed to admit that for a brief moment he looked kind of attractive. it's idris elba, okay?

there's a song where they introduce the idea of the jellicle ball. it's really creepy, which is fitting, because apparently the jellicle ball is when their cat president decides who gets to die and go to "the heaviside layer." tbh if i were in this reality i would be begging for death too.

every moment where the cats are whisper-singing is deeply unpleasant. why.

apparently the cat president decides who deserves to die by having them each sing a song about their name. i'd previously heard the musical summarized as "cats introduce themselves one by one until one of them gets the right to die" and honestly that's pretty accurate.

munkustrap leads victoria to a human kitchen, where rebel wilson's character jennyanydots (really) is lounging around being generally useless. there is an extended shot of her scratching her crotch. i am so tired of rebel wilson playing funny fat characters.

i had already heard that jennyanydots unzipped her fursuit at some point during her song. i couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what the fuck people meant by that. what they meant is, jennyanydots unzips her fucking skin to reveal a sparkly costume AND ANOTHER LAYER OF SKIN underneath. is this part of the musical? please tell me.

i knew about the cockroach vore too, but that didn't make it any less upsetting. it happens twice. there are crunching noises.

the cockroaches are... they all have human faces. they look like aliens from a kid's movie made in 2005.

rum tum tugger's song is, i regret to inform you, a bop. i looked the song up afterwards, and the stage version is actually more upsetting. a lot of crotch action.

that being said, there is a horrifically sexual part during the movie version where cats are guzzling milk and it kinda looks like bukkake drawn by someone who had never seen cum before.

also the cgi for the milk was inexplicably bad. like, it looked like some shit out of a spy kids movie.

towards the end of the song, rum tum tugger pulls victoria's foot towards his mouth. i felt time slow, and i started muttering to myself "no no no no no." fortunately, he did not suck victoria's toes. i hate that i have to write that.

i believe it's at this point that macavity shows up and thanos-snaps jennyanydots. this is the first time magic is shown to exist, which made for a really surreal effect. i kinda thought i was having a stroke.

grizabella.....

grizabella is just furry fantine. she used to be a super glamorous cat, and now she's wearing garbage and singing about how sad she is. jennifer hudson really gave it her all though.

bustopher jones, who looks like he's just james corden's fursona, shows up and sings a song about how fat he is and how much he loves to eat. my fat ass was not amused. at the end of the song he too gets taken by macavity. i guess he has a thing for chubby cats.

mungojerrie and rumpleteazer are just awful names. i hate them so much. why would you name yourself mungojerrie.

they really seem like they're trying to convince victoria to have a threesome with them. at the end of the song she's laying in a bed between them. it's bad.

i am so grateful the dog that they run away from is never shown. i can't even imagine how awful that would be.

the past two mornings i've woken up with old deuteronomy's song stuck in my head. i don't know why. it's not that interesting.

the cats all flock to old deuteronomy and nuzzle her. it's awful.

judy dench and ian mckellan were taking this so fucking seriously. i had to see ian mckellan, without a trace of irony, saying "meow meow meow" and drinking milk out of a dish. it was one of the most upsetting moments for me.

"jellicle cats are black and white," according to a bunch of cats that are neither black nor white.

victoria needs a moment to go outside and chill during the jellicle ball. i can relate.

grizabella is there again, singing a weirdly beautiful song about when she was younger and happier. i decide jennifer hudson is this movie's saving grace.

victoria sings another weirdly beautiful song about how she was abandoned in an alley (which i guess is how she ended up among the jellicle cats).

"all that i wanted,,,, was to be wanted,,," heartbreaking. relatable. loved it.

ian mckellan, whose cat is apparently named gus (short for asparagus), sings a song about how he used to be a great... actor? magician? i wasn't really clear. ian mckellan continues to do his very best to make this weird senile cat seem real, and i fully expect him to drop dead of old age halfway through the song. alas, no cat can die unless old deuteronomy wills it. i thiiiink he got taken by macavity at the end?

it turns out jennyanydots and bustopher james (and gus, i guess) are NOT dead (sigh), but have been transported to a barge in the middle of the thames. honestly i think i just dissociated too hard to remember this scene very well.

another bop from skimbleshanks the railway cat. the slow motion tap dancing was a bit much, but the song at least was fun. at the end he gets disappeared by macavity, oops!

taylor swift's whole bit is... it's just hard to sit through. yknow how everyone made fun of that bit in "look what you made me do" where she went like, "sorry, the old taylor can't come to the phone right now. why? oh, cause she's dead!" her whole song had that energy. the fake english accent made me want to die.

she pours catnip on all the cats, which makes them moan and writhe a lot. i think this was supposed to be the orgy scene? i don't know.

macavity has "broken every human law," which i assume includes treason and gay sex. i really love the possibilities here.

actually yknow what just occurred to me? would macavity get in trouble for bestiality if he fucked a human? or would it have to be, like, a cockroach or something else that's "lower" than him?

macavity thanos snaps old deuteronomy because she refuses to let him die. everyone is super sad until victoria goes "oh hey, mr. mistoffelees can do magic! :D"

unfortunately, i really liked mr. mistoffelees' song. i've been singing it multiple times a day. his face may be upsetting but his overall vibe is kinda adorable.

mr. mistoffelees is named after the demon mephistopheles btw. i feel like that needs to be said.

old deuteronomy is returned to the jellicle ball, and victoria convinces grizabella to sing for everyone. the song, again, is beautiful and heart-wrenching. everyone loves it, and grizabella is chosen to die.

grizabella is put in a hot air balloon. i think the heaviside layer is fake, the jellicle cats are a death cult, and she's just going to suffocate to death. this is supported by the fact that the heaviside layer is a real name for a part of our atmosphere.

old deuteronomy ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE DIRECTLY at the very end. i hate it.

she says triumphantly, "a cat is not a dog!" this is important enough that the entire cast repeats it. my boyfriend is more upset by this than i am.

there are some horny facial expressions, i think, and the camera pans back to the hot air balloon. the movie ends.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

WhatsApp? Part 6. (Steve Rogers x reader)

Description: You’ve never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone’s eye, to be loved. One day, that’s about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you

A/N: Sending a nod to Starlord’s direction with this one. ;) Also I am so sorry about the voice attributes rant, I studied special pedagogics and in here, voice, its attributes and the speech itself is a huge part of ENT studies centering around ears, throat, and neck...

A/N: THANK YOU FOR 200 FOLLOWERS. OMG.

A/N: I am sorry, @missdictatorme for no phone s*x. Ily by the way.

A song which I want to highlight for this chapter: Fallingforyou by the 1975.

Warnings: none really?

Tagging: @missdictatorme @songforhema

Read more here, babe ;):   Part One  Part Two  Part three  Part four  Part five

If you like things in one place, you might like the series master list: H E R E

The time had tendencies to stop when Steve so far, far away from you. 

You hadn't got a single clue where could be or what's he doing but you hoped he's safe and well. Sometimes you looked out of the window for ten minutes straight just thinking about where he could be. You checked your phone every morning and evening - nothing. He wasn't really messing around when he told you it can take a whole month before he comes back to you.

Deena, who was a self-proclaimed dancing teacher volunteered to lead the choreo. And she wasn't really bad at it.

At least you had your head all Steve-cleared off do could actually focus on your choreography for the big evening itself. It was somehow borderline racy but still PG-13 friendly as you thought it will be. May made sure it will be. You were dancing in sync, and you were grouped to trios for this one. You were basically repeating actions of the trio which went before you, it was simple yet good, or so you thought. You felt good about it at least.

You were in the last trio along with Deena and Marzia, another girl from your office so it would be double insured that you can't actually fuck up.

The girls made sure you acted all bossy - at some point, you started to use chairs to make it even more clear. That you were the ones being on the top during your dance. Before you could even dance in slight sync, it took you two weeks of every of your working day afternoon. Every one of you worked on it hard and it was paying off. Even you, probably the least talented person, or so you felt, could incredibly sway your hips. You didn't think that you can actually look that deductive yet you did.

Val told you that you were a killer - you took her only partially seriously because she was always friendly flirting with you.

Sometimes Peter came along. He was the sound tech guy every time. And then made fun of you when you accidentally fucked up. You loved that clueless boy so much.

"Okay. What do you think?" - You asked Peter, drinking from a water bottle. It was week three of you almost destroying your legs on those a bit too much tall high heels. You didn't want to wear them - your feet were swollen and hurt after every afternoon, but Deena shushed you off. It should look sexier than you dancing in Canada shoes and that Deena considered a pure fact.

"That you will kill yourself during that turn around with the chair in your hands." - He answered honestly with a childish smile, winging his feet in old Converse shoes from side to side. - “But there is a chance you will kill somebody else, so it's 50-50.”

"How gentle of you, Parker. You must be a real hit with the ladies, am I right?" - You nudged his shoulder, taking those devilish shoes off your feet, massaging them. He grinned at you.

"I can say obscene things like actually liking it out loud here, Y/N. And you know that!" - Peter laughed out loud, showing the gentle wrinkles around his hazelnut eyes. - "And since I ripped your tee off? May would have killed me if she actually heard me saying something nice about you!"

You had to laugh at his remark. You both were poking fun out that event since the next day Pete actually came to visit you, only May didn't find it as amusing as you two. Poor boy never got his free Oreo milkshake. And to be fair - Val actually started the beef with some pretty explicit jokes. And because you two were who you two were, it didn't take so long before you put that beef on fully.

"So continue calling me dumb. That will do. That's basically every girl's dream." - You nudged his head and left to a small cab to change your clothes. Your eyes just checked your phone as they were used to do all along those three weeks.

And your heart performed a fucking parkour jump at the sight of the green diode beeping at your eyes. The breath was caught in your throat when you gulped. Your hands shook by their will when you took the phone in your hands. It was a text from him. Steve was actually back.

As you opened the conversation, his promise popped directly in your head. A call. He promised you a fucking call. Steve willingly offered you to hear his voice. Three weeks ago. And now he was back. You were on cloud fucking nine. That was an offer you couldn't pass on.

Steve: I was so looking forward to texting you from the moment we took off. I'm back and well, Y/N.

Dear lord, you thought to himself, your eyes were firmly closed and you could feel a smile creeping on your lips. Thank you for keeping that man safe and well. Thank you for letting him come back.

Y/N: I missed you so much and I have so much thing to tell you! How was your little work trip?

You couldn't care less about being eager or too obvious with being excited about him being back. It was just natural for you to be excited. You had to tell Peter, so you changed your clothes the quickest way. You ran away from the cab looking like a mess with your bag over your shoulder with your smile looking better than a five-star hotel.

"Pete, Pete, Pete!" - You quirked in a high pitch. Peter wasn't sure if you hadn't got mad, looking at you with his puppy eyes in a horrified manner.

"Tell me that you have won a million dollars and I don't have to go to school anymore. I beg you." - Peter mumbled with a side smile. You shoved your phone right into his eyes and smiled widely. - "You're shitting me!" - He fangirled as hard as you had and performed your typical victory dance.

"Peter! Have you just cussed? We've talked about that!" - May shouted into your direction and you both freeze. Then you giggled.

"That means..." - Peter wiggled his eyebrows. Of course, you've told him about that call promise. He knew everything that happened with Steve. Not because he wanted to know, but because you rambled about Steve as much as he has rambled about Liz Toomes.

"You bet your favorite Lego puzzle!" - You hummed a tune and Peter laughed again.

"It isn't called a puzzle, to be honest..." - Peter trailed off the topic again, but you were leaving at that point, so you didn't take him too seriously.

"I don't caa-are." - You sang playfully and left the studio you rented for your choreography training, hoping you would get home as soon as possible.

---

The European job didn't go as bad as they were warned about but it didn't go exactly as smooth as Steve hope it will. He really got his hopes set high to be earlier at home. Sometimes he wanted to just take his phone off his bag, turn it on and text you that he and his friends are ok. But Natasha almost knifed him with her eyes every time that thought crossed his mind.

In the end, they were tired, really dirty, sleepy like 24/7. Even Sam, who usually tried to talk a big hole into others heads, layed in total silence. Now he was most likely dead on the back seats, covering his face with his forearm. 

Of course, you were the first thing on his mind when he got to his phone - after having a long-ass sleep, a great warm shower and a bunch of unhealthy food ordered from a near China restaurant. 

You texted back almost immediately, which made him smile and relax on the bed. He had a feeling that maybe you would be pretty pissed about his sudden, unexcusable need to disappear to a different continent because of a work a don't make me remind him that you still didn't even know what in the hell he's doing. But the better he got to know you, the more difficult and surreal saying his true identity to you was.

Almost unthinkable even. 

Y/N: So that promise, can I still count on it? 

You asked after he told you a little about his three weeks in Europe. He didn't lie but he definitely didn't tell you anything that could give you an actual image of what happened there - a lot of counterespionage from Nat, a lot of fighting and a lot of bad guy's blood spilling. He was giving you a gentle, sweet, careful silver linings to keep you safe. Those were his intentions - protecting you at all costs before knowing the truth. 

Steve: Of course. I am a man of my word. Today at seven p.m.? 

It was already five p.m. so two hours were remaining but he was sure it will be a terror for him. Maybe you'll just refuse to move this far behind the formal line today? He knew he's shitting himself at the moment.

Y/N: Okay. I'll be waiting, handsome.

---

Your hands literally shook as you panicked. 

You needed to calm down asap. It wasn't an eye-to-eye meeting with him nor it was an actual FaceTime. It was just a fucking call which got you so off-rail. This got you even more intensely than when you were waiting for a call from some office lady whether you got that job or you did not. 

It was Steve for god's sake. Not just someone. Steve. You felt like Lykke Li in one of those videos Peter showed you. She was extremely obsessing about a man, having his pictures all over her apartment, just wished he would take notice of her. 

You would do the same at that point if you actually got some of his photos. You were just one hundred percent sure. 

That one call was everything you could actually think about - you showered beforehand even tho he couldn't smell you through the phone just to feel pretty. You also did have a proper dinner so your liver would not do anything unplanned. You even tried some dumb yoga bullshit Marzia and Suzie thought you to calm yourself down. 

You felt so, so, so stupid for overreacting that strongly but then you reminded yourself that it is mysterious, funny and gentle Steve. And you panicked again, trying to imagine his voice. Would it be high-pitched or too deep? Would it be raspy or smooth? There were too many options - too many tembers, too many speed rates, and too many articulation options.

Maybe he stutters? Which would be kinda cool you hoped. Or maybe he has a problem with saying out loud some letters? Wow, you were overwhelmed for a slight bit at that moment. But no matter ho Steves speech will be, you told to yourself, you will not give up on him because of that. 

And let me say that you almost jumped off your bed when the phone rang in your hand with his name in the fucking middle of that, suddenly too small, screen. This was it. This was the moment.

You tried to breathe until the lowerest part of your lungs wasn't filled with air and then you quickly answered. That feeling of nervousness was all over your body, you felt partially numb and all you could say was that you marched around your room with your cheeks burning on fire. 

“H-Hey, hey.” - You mumbled out, which was a big win-win for you. You didn't stutter that much, just maybe breathing a bit too heavily. All you could hear was a chuckle from the other side of the phone. 

It almost sent you right to fainting. That was a sound of gods - you would bet your whole lego set on that. Holy goddamn shit. You jumped at the bed, feeling really quirky and cheese. You just fangirled over his chuckle. Great. You were going crazy. That was a fact. If Pete saw you acting around this clingy and cheesy, he would be laughing so hard.

“Hey.” - He answered with a chuckle under his breath, he sounded so calm and smooth, to begin with. (It wasn't the truth at all. But he was trying his actual best to appear cool in front of you.) - "Is everything alright out there? Am I interrupting you from something? I didn't mean to..." - And there he was. His usual nervousness got a hold on him eventually. That wasn't as smooth as he anticipated, but exactly make you like him more.

He was just as nervous as you were. You weren't acting like a total idiot after all.

"No. Of course, you're not... Interrupting anything. Don't be silly." - You laughed with a high, nervous tone, sounding like a boy in puberty. Well, damn. This was going so off rails so fast.

You analyzed his voice precisely. It wasn't super deep nor rough for that matter. He had actually really smooth voice which was just really nice to listen to. And he had to think you're an idiot.

"I can't believe I've done it." - Steve said all of a sudden stopping you in the middle of marching up to your bed again. One of your feet was on the mattress and the second one was still on the ground. You looked like a stretching ballerina.

"It feels so surreal, am I right?" - You chuckled, finally taking a hold of your own voice. You finally sounded like a grown woman.

"Exactly. It's... Wow. I don't know what it didn't cross my mind earlier. You could told me a lot of your stories so quicker and it would be much more fun."

"So you don't find reading my miserable life stories interesting. Okay, noted." - You teased him slightly. Steve laughed, saying a loud 'nooo!'. God, this man was just something.

"I didn't mean that at all!" - That was the first time you heard him actually giggled. He was doing it all the time because of your texts. But this was for the first time in real life you've heard it. The sight of you was messy - your eyes shone, your cheeks were rosy and your hair was not in the slightest order at all because your subconsciousness made you play with it. But you looked so happy and your smile way so relaxed.

"Why are you yelling so loud here, man?" - A completely different voice cut through the conversation. It was a bit higher than Steve's and it was way smooth with a seriously strong accent. - "Is that, oh damn." - The man laughed while you smiled at the ways Steve demanded the man leaving his room.

"I'm Sam! Nice to meet you, Steve's girl!" - He yelled before the door shut. Steve grunted out loud. That was so sweet.

"So you're telling them about me, I suppose? Was that Sam or James?" - You giggled, making Steve grunt again. Sam knew which moments to choose.

"That was Sam. I told them about you, however, the girlfriend thing is something Sam had made up." - Steve choked in defeated voice.

"Don't worry. It's fine. It made me laugh." - You calmed Steve down about Sam's behaviour. It was pretty funny and sweet for you. Sam to Steve was definitely like Pete to you. Best cheering up fangirling friend you could ask for.

"That was nice." - Steve commented at your laugh so smoothly without a single doubt in his voice.

"Thank you." - A dazzled sight came out of your lips.

---

You two talked for what seemed like forever. It was a conversation about nothing - just a constant back and forward with a lot of nervousness, thank yous and sweet voices.

Steve was dazzled by your voice. He could listen to it before sleeping, with his eyes closed. Let me, as the narrator, tell you - you were such sweet dorks. Both nervous, out of your minds basically. This one phone call actually meant something to both of you. It was your first form of actual contact, just hearing the other side and being so breathless and speechless because both of you actually existed.

The texting was fine, sure. But it didn't feel like this. It wasn't as real as this.

Nothing could tell him how you laughed when his dorky ass made you chuckle somehow. The way you spoke was so calm, relaxing him to death. Or texting couldn't reveal your voice raising up when you got excited about remembering something.

When Sam peeked into Steve's room, he stood there in silence for a moment or two. Steve was standing up in from of a window, looking down on the street, telling that Y/N something in a quiet, humming tone.

"I don't want to interrupt you." - Sam spoke quietly, freaking Steve he hell out. The tall blonde turned to Sam, covering the phone with his hand. - "But we're about to watch Footloose."

"I'll be there in a minute." - Steve nodded sadly. He didn't want this to end even if it was as dorky and cheesy as it was. But a movie night with his fellas after Europe was a thing Steve was looking forward to.

"I need to go, Y/N." - Steve started slowly and he would swear that his heart hurt at those words. - "We're about to watch something called Footloose?"

"Oh, my dear lord. You've never ever seen Footloose? Are you serious?" - You asked in an unbelieving voice. - "THE Footloose with Kevin Bacon? Steve, you really make me feel like you're not from today's world. Deena told me she hoped that her prom would look like the ending scene, but you know, Kevin Bacon never came." - You giggled.

His stomach shrank at that remark. He's not from today's world. He's the man out of time. And you have no idea, you just joked.

"I think it's exactly the one with Kevin Bacon, yeah." - Steve circled his hand around his waist, sounding nervously all of the sudden. What was he thinking about? Of course that his true identity would hunt him eventually down, even in his little personal bubble he created with you.

"Yeah..." - You sighed and shut up for a second. - "Let's call it a night today, what do you say?"

"You're right, I should go or Sam and James would start without me." - Steve tried to sound as relaxed as he could. You couldn't recognize he hides something - you've heard him for the first time. You haven't got any idea that something's off.

"Would you call me tomorrow? It's your turn." - He teased you, but you grunted a little, giving the answer away.

"I can't tomorrow, I'm at work, then we have a choreography training and we have a ladies night... I won't be at home at all. I'm sorry." - You said sadly.

"Don't be sad about that, Y/N. I'm not little. Just tell me when and I'll take some time for you, alright?" - Steve asked to make you feel better.

He slowly realized that this will be like a drug to him. Once he tasted it, he would need more and more of it to even survive. There was no turning back now. Phone calls were something new, exciting, something he wanted to do until the dawn comes. Just to feel that he haves you closer than normally.

"Hope that will be soon. Now, I'll go to sleep and you'll go and enjoy Kevin Bacon's amazing rebel-ish and dancing method acting, ok? And enjoy Footloose, like that song. It's amazing. Bye, handsome." - You said with a happy voice.

"Goodnight, Y/N. I'll text you in the morning." - Steve sighed with a soft smile on his lips, ending the call. Yeah, maybe it would be really difficult to tell you who he is and maybe you'll freak out at hell - but at that moment? He felt like a pretty attractive school girl realizing that she is falling for a nerd from her Chemistry class.

Beautifully numb and so glad he couldn't even express it.

[flowery-mess]

Kiss from a rose

“And that is our third couple, Ethan Dolan and Nathalie Parker!” this years host Jess said with excited voice as Ethan and Nat made their way to the other two couples standing on the side of dance floor forming into one line.

Dancing with the stars. Yes, I made it. My childhood dream became true, all of the pain and hours of dancing finally paid off. I remember watching DWTS in TV with my parents, begging them to let me watch it until the end instead of going to bed, because I loved it. I always made my dad to dance with me for my mum and she giving us a score after. I smiled at this memory from my childhood and also smiled because I was so happy to be here.

Layer of sweat laid on my forehead, maybe because of the group opening dance or maybe because I still didn’t have my partner. I honestly didn’t care who I am going to be paired with, because I was excited to meet new people and I was opened to any challenge that would come with any of those celebs guys.

It was celebrity female turn, so I didn’t pay much attention, because the nerves were still getting on me. Well, more excitement than nerves. I watched from the top of the stairs as another couple made their way to the others and patiently waited for the next male come out.

“Ladies and gentleman welcome the other Dolan twin! Grayson Dolan everyone!”  Jess said as this handsome man jogged in her way and stand right next to her with his hands nervously tucked in his pockets.

“Welcome Grayson. Are you excited? Are you going to win over your brother who’s already paired up?” Jess started the little interview as I continued to admire Grayson’s looks. He wore khaki classy pants and black shirt that complimented his arms just right. Those pants suited him also really well. And just to say, khaki is his color. He had his hair styled perfectly and thin layer of make up on his face. He was smiling. It was visible it was nervous smile, but he was still looking good without even trying.

“Hello everyone, glad to be here. Winning over Ethan? I’m not sure in competition like this, but I’m going to do everything I can to beat him.” He said with a laugh. Yep, at this point I was hoping I will be paired with him, but when I looked at the other beautiful girls in front of me on the stairs I told myself to not to be that excited.

“Okay. Let’s look who’s going to be your partner!” Jess said and the lights turned at us dancers, music slightly turned down as everyone waited for one name to be said.

“And Grayson’s partner is...“ I made eye contact with him for a while as he looked at all of us, waiting which one is going to be his partner for some time now. “ It’s Y/N Y/L/N! Come down here.” Jess waved at me as I stood there in shock. Was I nervous before getting to know I am couple with Grayson Dolan? Hell yeah I was. Am I nervous now that I know he is my partner? Hell yeah I am.

I made my way down there, trying to not to fall down and embarrass myself as I couldn’t hide the smile of happiness.

When I made it next to Jess and Grayson, we shook hands and hugged. He kept one of his arms around my shoulders then, so I put mine around his waist as Jess said “And this is our fifth couple Grayson Dolan and Y/N Y/L/N. Go take your place.”

We made our way next to other dancers and waited for the rest of the couples to join us.

Throughout the first episode we made small talks here and there, but there wasn’t really time for introduction.

“And that’s it for tonight guys, we have our couples who have few days to prepare their first dance for next week.” John, the other host, said. Him and Jess stand in front of us couples saying bye to the cameras.

“Me and John are really excited about that episode because it’s the only night we won’t have to send one of these beautiful couples home.”

“Yes I have to agree. So stay tuned, follow our Instagram for more behind the scenes and make sure to be back next week.” John said and everyone waved to the camera.

“Okay guys, great job. That’s it for today.” The director said and all of his crew started packing cameras and stuff.

“Hi Y/N? I wanted to introduce myself properly. I’m Grayson.” Gray said and put his hand out once more.

“I’m Y/N.” I smiled and accepted his handshake.

“So how is this going to be now? Together 24/7 huh?” he said while laughing.

“Yeah kind of. I hope I won’t be too much annoying. I might not look like it, but I can be a bitch coach sometimes.”

“I live with Ethan I think I can endure anything trust me.”

“Okay then, we will see.” I send smirk his way, because as I said, I might not look like it, but I can be a bitch sometimes. But with his face I don’t think it will be easy to be mad at him.

“So, we should start training as soon as possible. Our first dance is salsa and I already have some ideas in my head. Of course I want to discuss everything with you, want to know what you want and don’t want. Also I want you to know that you can tell me anything. Like if something is uncomfortable or too much for you, just tell me. This show is fun, so I don’t want to be the reason you wouldn’t enjoy it.” I started talking about training, because I was so excited that I may have or have not prepared the first dance by myself already.

“Yeah sure. Communication is the key right?”

“Exactly.”

“Hey there,” I heard someone say and we both turned our heads towards him “I don’t want to interrupt you but everyone is leaving now and we came together so I just wanted to know when you want to leave?” I didn’t even notice that the room was already empty.

“Oh and I’m Ethan. Nice to meet you and good luck with this one. He really sucks at dancing.” Ethan pulled me in hug and made me laugh with his little comment about his brother.

“I’m Y/N. And we will see. I’m pretty sure I am a good teacher and would do my best to help him beat you.” I said with a straight face. I think Grayson could say it was just joke, but Ethan probably didn’t.

“I am just kidding.” I laughed at Ethan’s confused face.

“But we’re still going to win over you.” Grayson added.

“Okay okay, you can continue with this on your way home. We should really go now.” I said because at this point it was just us and some stuff crew in the room.

“Can I have your number so we can be in touch?” Grayson asked with unlocked phone in his hand.

“Sure. Are you free tomorrow? For the first training.” I started typing my number and waited for his answer.

“Yes I should be free all day.”

“Okay then, I will text you time and address.”

“Great. See you tomorrow then.” He send last smile to me before him and Ethan left.

I took my stuff from our changing room and headed home. This was one tiring day for me.

My place is half an hour away from the studios DWTS takes place, so when I made it home it was already midnight. I needed to wash out all of the glitter and make up from my body so I headed to shower. I enjoyed the hot water running down my body. I spend almost an hour in the bathroom so when I finally made it to bed it was almost 1am. I had one unread text on my phone and one missed call.

The text said ‘Hi it’s Grayson. Just texting you so you can have my number’ I saved his number and texted him back with the address and time to meet me tomorrow, well today.

And one missed call from my dad. I talked to my dad just before the show started. He said he’s going to watch it and probably cry because it will bring memories  of us dancing in our living room when I was little. I made a note to myself to call him in morning.

I was really excited for my first practice with Gray. When I started with the choreography for our fist dance, I went for the simple moves. I didn’t know who I am going to get at that time so I tried not to do it too hard. I think it should be okay and if he can handle this, we will go for more and more each week.

I gave Grayson the address of the dance studio I train and dance since I moved here. The owner is very nice lady, who gave me permission of training here whenever I want for the show, so I think me and Grayson will spend lot of time there. I decided to walk there, because it’s 20minutes walk from my place. I brought my laptop, water and food and also clothes I could change into if I’m too sweaty, because I plan on spending the whole day there today.

When I came there it was 9.30 and I told Grayson to be there at 10, so I had some time to go over the routine and work on small details.

I danced the routine over and over I didn’t even notice it was 10 until Grayson came in.

He had some black shorts with white details on the side and simple white shirt. Bag hanging around his shoulder and water bottle in the other hand. It looked like he didn’t even bother to style his hair, like if he knew what was coming and knew that it was pointless. And of course the smile never leaving his face since yesterday night.

“Good morning.” He waved little in my direction and put his bag down next to mine.

“Good morning Gray.” He smiled at the nickname I called him and started taking his sneakers off.

“Ready for your first training?”

“I hope so.” He took out the dancing shoes from his bag and put them on his feet. Once he was ready he stood up and came next to me.

“Okay. So from the begging I want to teach you some basic steps and moves. As I said yesterday we are dancing salsa as our first dance. It’s not the easiest, but you don’t have to think of your frame and technique that much as with standard dances. But there’s thin line between having fun while dancing salsa and looking like total idiot. But don’t worry I won’t let that happen.” I had to let out a little laugh because of the terrified look on his face.

“So the basic step looks like this.” I said and showed him.

“When you dance you usually count to eight, but in salsa it’s just six. See? I do one, two, three forward and four, five, six backward. When you go forward you use your left leg, backward your right leg. It’s important to say that you should step only on the tip of your feet. Let’s go, do the same as me.”

After hour of the basics and me making Gray sway his hips the right way and not to step on his own feet, he was able to understand the basics of salsa. We decided to take a little break before doing the pair dance.

“So how long do you dance?”

“Since I was like four I guess?”

“That’s cool. I never really sticked around one sport for that long.”

“What you and Ethan did growing up?”

“We played football and wrestling for some time.”

“Did you ever try dancing?”

“Seriously? No. Actually I never knew how to dance. We did this video with Ziegler sisters where we were dancing and I was kind of surprised with myself.”

“Well you learned the basics very quickly so I think there won’t be problem with you learning the dance, but with you being more confident. But don’t worry I’ll always be there with you. And I’m going to make sure you know the routine before the show so you don’t forget it or something.”

“I am really scared of that.”

“Don’t be. After the first dance you will become more comfortable on the dance floor and with the cameras and everything.”

“Okay I am going to trust you.”

“You should. Now, let’s get into it.”

We set our bottles down and stood in front of the mirror once again.

“Okay so now, we’re going to do the same step, but together as a pair.” I turned to face Grayson so I could show him where to put his hands.

“Your left hand and my right hand are here.” I took his hand in mine and put them in the air on the level of our shoulders. As our fingers touch I felt this unknown feeling run through my body.

“And your right hand here on my waist and my left hand on your shoulder.” New touch always makes me feel in unknown way, but Grayson’s touch was just gentle and nice like he was scared to touch me. We stand in this position and just looked in each other’s eyes for like 10 seconds, but it felt like hours.

“Even though this is the main position, we will probably never use this. But to learn the way we work together is great to start from the beginning. So let’s do the same steps as before, just together right? Five, six, seven, eight.”

Grayson is learning fast. We did various combinations and steps and turnings for the next two hours.

“This is actually really fun. I was scared to even come here this morning but I am having a great time so far.” Grayson said when we were laying on the floor, having another break.

“Yeah I like salsa. It’s fun, it even sounds fun. I think I can tell you something about this routine I prepared for this week.”

“Okay.” He looked at me like little boy looks at someone who’s going to tell him the biggest secret of all the time. He really was excited for this.

“So I didn’t really came up with a scenario or story, but more like a theme. The song we are dancing to is called ‘Vivir mi vida’. When I heard it I immediately thought of a carnival and colors. I was thinking of the two of us sitting at a bar on the beach at the beginning and then when the music starts one of us to get up and take the other one to dance. I don’t think it needs some deep story behind it. What do you think?” I made quotation marks with my hands in the air when I was talking about the bar and beach part.

( I was inspired by this dance )

“Uhh I like it.” He said and his big smile made its way to his face.

“Well and about dress. I told the designers how our dance is going to look like so they will come up with something. Trust me they are the best, we’re going to look really good.”

“Great. I can’t wait.”

“Okay you’re too hyped. Let’s use it for something good and start with the routine.”

At the end of our practice, after nine hours of training, we had half of our choreography done. Grayson remembers the routine so that’s good. But we need to practice a lot. Some parts are better then others. We have some lifts, turnings and interesting moves in it.

“That’s it for today. Good job Gray.” I put my hand in the air for him to give me high five.

“I’m tired. No, I think I’m dead inside. And sweaty on the outside.” He said still catching his breath.

“And it’s just the first day. Tomorrow same time?”

"Yes, but if I won’t be there I’ll probably be dead in my bed.”

With that we started packing our clothes and stuff in our bags. I made sure the windows are closed, lights are off and door locked.

“Do you need a ride?” Gray asked when we stepped outside.

“No I’m fine with walk, but thanks.” I said and I didn’t lie. I enjoy walks after training whole day to cool off, but I wouldn’t have problem with spending more time Gray.

“Oh no you’re not walking alone at this time. Get in young lady.” He pointed finger to his blue car, which was the last one standing in the parking lot.

When  he stopped in front of my complex I made sure he’s down for tomorrow’s practice.

“I’ll be there. Good night Y/N.”

“Good night Gray.”

Second day of practice was hard for Gray. I could see that. He wasn’t that excited like the first day, but that was nothing surprising. We did more of our routine and then did it over and over again. I didn’t want to torture him much, so we ended earlier then our first practice.

Third day of practice was great. We finished the routine and again, tried it over and over until we were too tired. Grayson started becoming more confident and I started to like spending time with him more and more. He drove me home everyday and after wishing me good night in car, he texted me simple ‘good night’ message every night.

Fourth day we decided to take day off. We both had some things to do and we deserved it after those three days of hard work. I visited my parents and showed them videos we took while practicing. My dad said it looked great and he can’t wait to see it on TV with our dress and everything done. And my mum couldn’t forget to say something about how we look cute. I mean, of course he does. He looks great even after 10 hours dancing, with sweat all over his body and hair all over his face. Red cheeks? Cute on him. Sometimes I even notice myself to stare at him when he’s not looking and just hope that he didn’t notice that.

Fifth day was our fitting rehearsal and nothing more than practicing. Our dress looking more than great and I was really satisfied with how our routine looked. And I need to say, Grayson is a great dancer. He’s talented of course, but he works hard. He tries his best and with every time we repeat it, he is better. He doesn’t see that probably, but I do.

Sixth day is rehearsal at the studios.

“M’ nervous.” He said with hands over his mouth as we waited for the couple to finish their routine so we could go.

“Don’t be Gray. You are good. You can do it.” I laid my hands on his shoulders and looked in his eyes. This time it wasn’t just 10 seconds that we were staring in each other’s eyes. I slowly felt him relax and hugged him. His hands made their way around my body as he hugged me back.

"Okay Grayson and Y/N we’re ready.” The director said and we made our way to the dance floor.

We made sure everything is set as we wanted it to and became our routine.

“Oh my god I did it.” I heard Gray said when we stood in our final pose. Both of us sweating, our chests going up and down, but both of us happy that we did good.

“Yes you did!” we high fifed and left the dance floor.

“Y/N how did you do that? What did you do to him? This wasn’t my brother dancing.” Ethan run to me just the second we left the dance floor and started shaking my shoulders.

“It seems like you just didn’t know what’s in your twin.” I shrugged my shoulders and laughed. Before this show you would might say that Ethan is the better dancer, but now?

The three of us continued to talk on our way to our changing room. I changed in my clothes and packed everything. I made sure my dress are ready for tomorrow and don’t need any last touch ups. Just before I left the studio I found Grayson sitting just by himself in the main hall.

“Hi.” I sat next to him.

“Hey.”

“Ready for tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. What if I did good today but I will mess it up tomorrow?”

“No you won’t Gray. I know that. You know the routine and you won’t forget it over night.”

“Yeah I better not.”

“Okay, stop thinking about the worse things that could happen and go home and get some sleep. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“So I will see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Don’t you need a ride home?”

“No I drove here today, but thanks. Night Gray.” I leaned down where he was sitting and kissed his cheek. I don’t know why I did that. He didn’t expect it so I felt him tense up under my touch.

“I’m sorry.” I said immediately and felt the heat on my face.

“Don’t be sorry, I don’t mind it.” He laughed a little as he stood up.

“Good night Y/N.” He said, kissed my cheek too and left. Left me standing there with red face and thinking of what just happened. After while I turned around and left the studio.

When I came home and looked myself in the mirror I still could see that my cheeks are little bit red and that smile never left my face. I probably wasn’t supposed to feel something for my dance partner or to feel something for anyone that I know for like a week, but I probably did.

I fell asleep with that stupid smile on my face and thinking of how I was feeling. I was feeling the same way as in fifth grade when Joshua gave me a flower and kissed my cheek. We were little, but I was crushing on him so hard, so when he did than I felt the heat and red color come to my face just as with Grayson today. I was head over heels in love with Joshua for next three years in primary school until he started dating Jane from other class, but that’s a different story.

  But Grayson isn’t another Joshua right?

  Seventh day. The big day. The first live show of this years season. First Grayson’s live dance. Our first performance as a couple. I woke up at 6am when the sun started shining through my window. We had to be at the studios at 8am so I had enough time to get ready.

First thing I do in the morning is make myself nice breakfast, watch some TV and go through my phone. I had few notifications when I unlocked it, one of them was message from Gray saying “Can’t sleep, m’ so nervous.” When I looked at the time it was sent, which was 4am, all I thought was just how really nervous he must be if he can’t fall asleep. I understand he is nervous, but I know he doesn’t need to be. He worked hard, he did damn good on yesterdays rehearsal and I was so excited for him to shine on the dance floor tonight.

After finishing my breakfast I took a quick shower, packed some things in my dance bag and left. I saw Grayson’s car parked in the parking lot for cast when I arrived already.

“Good morning everyone.” I said to the stage crew and directors and other people who worked behind cameras and made my way to changing room. I decided to visit Grayson before I went to put my dress on and to do my hair and make up.

I knocked on his and Ethan’s door and waited for who’s going to open them.

“Good morning Y/N.”

“Good morning Ethan. How are you feeling?” I had to ask when I saw his excited smile. He for sure wasn’t that nervous as Gray.

“So ready to show the world my moves.” He made a quick spin with a pose at the end with his hands in the air.

“Can’t wait to see that. Now, where is your nervous twin?”

“Over there, listening to some music.” He nodded his head in the direction of the small black coach that was in their room and I saw Gray laying there with his eyes closed and headphones on.

“I’m going to look for Nat.” Ethan said and left the room.

I made my way to Grayson and couldn’t help but watched him laying there peacefully for a minute. He wore black sweats and black t-shirt. Simple, but suited him well. I touched his shoulder just before he would open his eyes and saw me staring at him.

“Ethan I told you I’m not-“ he sat up really fast and looked annoyed that someone interrupted him from his peace.

“Oh sorry Y/N I thought it was Ethan, he’s been annoying me all morning.”

“Really? He seems really excited, but look at you. Looking like a kid who lost his favourite car toy.” I took place next to him.

“Because I am nervous. I try to not, but all I can think of is just what if I mess up?”

“You won’t. But even if you would? Who cares? You keep dancing and make it seem like that’s part of the show.”

“Easy for you to tell.” He putted his hands on his knees and his head in his hands.

“Do you think I can’t mess up? Or that I never did? That is something that happens to everyone. No matter how many times I have danced on the stage, it can happen. The more you will think about it the biggest chance is that it will really happen.” Few minutes of silence before I said we should head to get our looks done.

My make up matched my dress. Orange and red color. My dress has two parts. One of them is bra in mostly orange color and at the end some dark red. And lot of glitters. The other part is skirt, which ends somewhere in my middle thighs. It matches the color of my bra and of course more glitters. My hair were pinned up in middle in perfectly made bun. I have to say they did pretty good job.

Now, let’s look at Grayson. Of course we have to match, so his shirt is in Hawaiian flowery style in orange and red colors. Top buttons are left hanging open to show his chest a little and it’s tucked in his black pants, which fit him well. His hair is slightly styled and thin layer of make up on his face.

We still had some time before the show started, so we went to sit next to the dance floor to watch other couples practicing and eventually try our routine few times.

“I’m really excited to see Ethan doing the Viennese waltz. It’s my favourite dance.“ I said as we watched Ethan and Nathalie, who had probably the most beautiful dress I have ever seen on, doing their routine.

“Yeah he showed me some videos, it looks good actually.”

"They both look stunning, can’t wait until it’s just them on the floor.”

“They look good, but look at us right? We’re about to have our own party tonight.” Grayson said and it finally looked like he was enjoying all of this.

“There it is! That’s what I like to hear. C’mon let’s try it one more time.”

So we did. And it felt really good. Then we had like hour before the beginning. Everyone did their own thing, ate, slept or just talked with others. I called my parents. They were so excited for me. Maybe more than I was. They couldn’t make it for tonight, but they promised to be there every other night. Of course I missed hug from my mum and kiss on forehead from dad before the performance, but something about Gray gives me this chill vibe that I wasn’t even that nervous.

It all happened so fast that I can’t even remember when we were introduced or when we all walked down the stairs. All I remember is director saying this:

“Okay Grayson and Y/N you’re going next, get ready please.”

Ethan and Nathalie just finished their dance and it was so beautiful as I expected it. Nathalie is like a princess and Ethan fit next to her really well. Even though I have to admit Ethan did quite lot technique mistakes, it looked beautiful.

“Gray I know you’re nervous, but let the people sitting there out of your mind. Look at me and think of us in the small room practicing okay?” I took his hands in mine and came step closer to his body.

“Okay. Let’s do this.” He said and took my hands in his to his lips and kissed both of my hands. I couldn’t help but smiled at this small gesture and answered with simple “Yeah.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Grayson and Y/N.” Jess interrupted our little moment. We made our way to the right side of the dance floor where our little fake beach bar was and made our starting position. I could feel a little squeeze from Gray on my hand, so I did it back just to let him know to not to be nervous.

 “One, two, three.” I heard the leader of the band behind us before the song started.

I started walking with Gray behind me holding my hand, swaying our hips just the right way. One spin, two steps left, little feet cross, turn around to face Gray as his hands made their way to my hips. I don’t think I will ever get used to his touch. His big hands with their gentle grip. We made eye contact while I swayed from side to side and then turned around and let my back hit his chest as we continued the steps of our routine. Just before the end we did the famous lift you can know from Dirty dancing. Grayson is strong so there was no problem with him lifting me up. After few seconds he found coordination and we stood still which made me smile proudly. He put me back down, connected our hands, one last turn, step to the right and pose.

We stood in the pose for a minute and I felt like in a dream. I don’t know if it was because it was the first episode and I wasn’t used to that many people watching us or if it was because of this handsome guy standing behind me with his hand around my body and the other one connected with mine in the air.

But back to reality, I heard Grayson’s breathing and his chest going up and down. People clapping their hands and smiling. I started smiling too, because I felt amazing.

“You did it!” I turned around to say to Grayson and he pulled me in for hug and lifted me up.

“We did it!”

We hugged one more time, before Jess pulled us for a little interview.

“Amazing you two! It looked like you had so much fun dancing this. How was your first week training Grayson?”

“It was great. I mean, it hurt and I was tired and I swear at one point I was dead, but it was amazing. I have amazing partner who made this amazing choreography and I am glad it’s just the beginning.” I stared up at him, watching his eyes lit up at everything he was saying.

“And about you Y/N? Was it hard to get Grayson in shape?”

“Not at all. He’s quick at remembering the steps, so we did the routine at the beginning of this week and then just practiced and focused on details. I’m glad he enjoyed it after all the nerves he had.”

“Thank you again. You can now go up to John and the others.”

Gray took mine hand in his and we made our way to all the couples that were waiting up in the lounge room.

Ethan immediately pulled Grayson in for hug and I went to talk with girls. We still had some more couples to perform.

Nothing interesting happened that night, no one left the show yet, the real competition begins next week. So when Jess and John ended this episode, everyone made their way to pack their things and leave for some good sleep.

When I came out of my changing room I was met with two hazel eyes looking at me.

“Hey, are you waiting for me?” “Yeah, I wanted to say thank you. For everything. I had really fun this last week and I loved the performance.”

“Me too, but trust me, the real fun just begins.”

“Does that mean practice tomorrow?” he laughed.

“It sure does. 10AM?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“See you tomorrow then.”

“Good night Y/N.” He said and leaned in to give me kiss on the cheek. I felt his breath on my cheek and it felt like slow motion. His hand made its way to my other cheek and pulled me closer to him.

“Good night Grayson.” We shared last look before I turned around and left to get in my car.

I sat behind the wheel for a moment and caught myself smiling like fifth grader in love again. He really made the butterflies in my stomach fly like crazy and I didn’t know what to do about it. Did he feel the same way about me? I don’t have a clue.

Grayson didn’t left my mind until I fell asleep after this great day.

The next four weeks went quickly. It was just me, Grayson, dancing, live show and sleeping. We managed to make it through in the fifth episode where we were dancing Viennese waltz.

Those past weeks were really fun. I liked spending time with Grayson more with every week. Kiss on the cheek always when we were saying goodbye. Long hugs when we met in the morning. Those innocent touches we’ve been sharing with each other when we weren’t dancing. For example when we had interview and Grayson’s hand was around my waist, or when we were watching our last dance on my phone and he stood behind me, his chest touching mine and his head resting on my shoulder. Or his arm around my shoulders? Don’t even get me start on that because it was there all the time. I realized that I might have had liked Grayson more than just my dance partner, but all I could think of was how unprofessional it would be for us to be a thing. At least while the show was on. I couldn’t really tell if he was feeling the same, we never talked about it. But I could see how he looked at me when he though I don’t know it. But not everything was always that sweet. We had a few arguments. The biggest one was when he couldn’t make it to practice three times a week and we didn’t get to practice much and it did show on our score. But luckily we didn’t get out. We gave each other silent treatment or cold shoulder, but that’s what you get when you put two people together for that long and make them work on something together.

And something felt different this week. I don’t know if it was because it was my favourite dance and I really wanted it to be perfect or something else.

I did choose  my parents favourite song Kiss from a rose for our dance. My dress were long enough to cover my legs, the upper part was lacy with sleeves to my elbows and it was whole covered in dark red. My hair were made into perfectly looking bun and my lipstick matched my dress. Grayson’s outfit was simple, but he looked handsome as never before. Tight black pants and white shirt. I didn’t feel the need to show the world how we can sway our hips or how fun dancing is, I just wanted to show our good technique and enjoy this as much as I could.

I forgot to mention that Ethan and Nat sadly left us two weeks ago after their samba. It was sad because the twins do everything together and I could see it was hard for Grayson to see Ethan leave, but he still was there every week to support him.

We held hand as we waited for the time of our performance. Again, I couldn’t tell why or what but something felt different this time. We weren’t talking, we didn’t hype each other up this time. I have to say we were both tired and really wanted some time off.

“Ladies and gentlemen welcome Grayson Dolan and Y/N Y/L/N.”

We made our way and I felt Gray squeezed my hand. It became our thing before every performance. I sent smile in his direction and made my way to the other side of the dance floor.

We stood face to face, eyes never leaving the other ones.

The song started and I started walking towards Grayson. This routine didn’t have a plot. It was simple as it could be.

When we met in the middle of the dance floor we intertwined our hands, made the starting pose with our strong frames and started the routine I fell in love with. Or did I fell in love with Grayson?

It felt like it was just him and I. Every look he send my way gave me chills. Every one of his touches felt like he was touching me for the first time. When he lift me up I felt safe in his arms and I knew he would never drop me.

One final spinning lift and it was over. We stood in our final pose for a minute and waited for everyone’s reaction. Our foreheads touching, his hands around me, my right hand on his chest and the other one caressing his cheek. I felt tear slipped down my cheek as I heard people clapping their hands for us.

Grayson kissed my forehead and pulled me in hug.

“I’m so proud of you.” I whispered in his ear so only he could hear it.

After the interview with Jess and judges talk we made our way up to the lounge, stood next to John and waited for our points.

We got 38 out of 40 which was our best score since the beginning. That made me smile even more if that was possible, but I am glad that the judges loved our performance just much as I did.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t read the posts on Instagram and Twitter from fans about how we would be the cutest couple or how we match each other really well and I thought that this dance will drive the fans crazy.

After the rest of the couples finished their dance, we stood made circle in the middle of the dance floor and waited for Jess and John tell us who’s going home tonight.

Grayson stood behind me with his hands around my waist and his head resting on my shoulder as my hands rested on his.

After some time it was just us and one other couple. For the first time in this competition it was us in this position. I felt Grayson’s grip on my tightened, so I slightly turned my head to face him and said “Whatever happens, I am proud of us, okay?”

“Yeah me too.” He said as we shared little smiles and waited.

“And the couple leaving us this week is...” Jess waited a minute before she continued

“...Grayson and Y/N.” She said sadly and the light that was shinning on us turned off.

“Come here you two.” John made space between him and Jess for us and gave Grayson mic in his hands.

“What are your feelings Gray?” John started.

“I’m sad. I was really happy about our score and tonight’s routine.”

“I have to agree, you were amazing tonight.” Jess added and Gray gave me the mic.

“And your feeling Y/N?”

“Well, this is my second time in this show and it’s just amazing. I learned a lot from everyone who works on this and you guys do a great job. And Grayson? He did amazing since the beginning. I was satisfied with him every week and we got along really well so I am glad he was the one by my side this season and I am very proud of him. Of us.” Few tears slipped down my cheeks and my voice was shaky through my talk.

“I would like to say big thank you to Y/N, because she showed me that I can dance and pushed me into more every week. I’m glad I had the chance to spend this time with her and I am proud of us too.”

“We are all sad that you two are leaving us. I mean, look at our favourite judge Katie, is she crying?” everyone laughed at Katie hiding her face behind her papers.

“Let’s give you two last minutes on the dance floor. Grayson Dolan and Y/N Y/L/N!”

Rest of the couples made circle around us as we dance to the slow song the band was playing.

My head rested on Gray’s shoulder this time and he placed his chin on my forehead. We didn’t talk, we didn’t need to. We were sad, but also happy. I enjoyed the feeling of his arms around me probably for the last time and closed my eyes and continued to slowly sway from one feet to the other.

After saying goodbye to everyone and packing my things I went to Grayson’s changing room. I knocked three times and waited.

“Come in.” And so I did. He was packing his things, already changed into his pants and t-shirt.

“Hey there.”

“Hey.” He stopped putting things in his bag and stood straight.

“I wanted to stop by before leaving home, but I don’t really know what to say.”

He sat down in his couch and motioned for me to come sit next to him. When I did, he pulled me in side hug. We stayed like that for a few minutes, not talking and both in our own thoughts.

“Are you free tonight?” Grayson asked.

“Yeah, it’s almost midnight and I don’t really have plans at this time of a day.” I laughed and looked at him.

“Okay, let’s go then. I want to take you somewhere.” He stood up, packed his last things and waited for me. I was still at the couch, surprised at his sudden actions.

“Where?”

“You will see. Let’s go Y/N.” He smiled. Who could say no to this smile?

I got up and took my bag. On the way to his car we stopped at mine and I put my things in there.

“Let’s go Dolan.”

The ride was silent. Only thing you could hear was the radio. I think neither of us knew what to talk about because we still had mixed feelings after tonight’s shows.

We drove for like half an hour when he pulled away from the main road.

“I am going to say the most cliché thing ever, but you’re not going to kill me right?” I laughed and looked at him. The moon was shining strong tonight and it made his face even more beautiful.

“How could I?”

“Well after those dance classes we had, after what I pulled you through.”

“That was fun, not torture. I enjoyed every single day with you.”

“I did too.”

Good for me it was dark outside and he couldn’t see my red cheeks. After that we didn’t talk anymore and drove for another twenty minutes.

“We’re almost there. Just this one last hill.”

I looked out and saw that we weren’t in woods anymore, but on a big meadow. But still nothing to see. He stopped his car on the top and I could see a single bench.

We went out of the car and I immediately hug myself with my hands, because the cold air hit me.

“Do you want blanket? I think I should have one in the back.”

“Yeah that would be nice.”

I made my way to the bench while he looked for the blanket. I sat down and looked at the view. Amazing. You could see the lights from LA and the dark sky with stars and it was simply amazing.

I felt Grayson put the blanket over my shoulders and then sat next to me.

“Like it?” he asked.

“A lot.”

“It’s my favourite place. I went here after few of our classes. Thinking of what I got myself into.” I could hear a little chuckle left his lips.

“I hope you don’t regret it.”

“I don’t.”

“How did you find this place?” I changed the subject. I wanted to escape the world of Dancing with the starts for a while.

“One day when E and I got into argument, a big one, I needed to be alone. So I drove out of LA and then got lost. I ended up here and since then I go here when I need to be alone.”

“That’s cool. I always wanted something like this. Place you can go to escape.”

He didn’t answer to what I said, he suddenly changed the subject.

“Are we going to continue with seeing each other?” I am not going to lie I was in shock when those words left his lips.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I got used to seeing you almost everyday, I can’t just cut you off.” He smiled.

“You’re right. I got used to your presence as well Dolan.”

He looked down at his fingers and sighed.

“I want to tell you something, but you can stop me if you think it’s going to ruin whatever we have now. Okay?” he looked straight into my eyes and had serious look on his face.

“Okay.”

He took my hands in his and started talking.

“You’re amazing person. Also amazing dancer and I’m glad that I could experienced this with you. I told you I got used to seeing you everyday and I don’t think I want to change it. You may think this is stupid, but I think I have feelings for you. I’m not sure if it’s love and I don’t want to scare you with saying that I love you, because that is a serious thing, but I want to be honest with you. I like you, I like spending my time with you and I don’t want to end this because of our end in the show.”

He made a long pause so I got that it’s probably everything he wanted to say. I brought his hands up to my lips and kissed both of them.

“First of all I want you to know that it’s hard for me to express my feelings so whatever I am going to say might sounds stupid. You are the nicest person ever, I mean you came every morning to the studio with smile on your face! Even when it was 7AM. It always got me in better mood. You made my mood better since the show started and I don’t want to end it too. So, whatever I’m felling towards you is probably similar to your feelings. So let’s not stop seeing each other.”  A laugh escaped my lips because just like I said, I don’t know how to express my feelings.

I didn’t even have a time to see what his reaction is because he grabbed my cheek and pulled me in for a kiss. I did not expect this at all, but I didn’t pull away. I waited for this since our first lesson.

He was gentle. Not just when he kissed me, he was gentle all the time. He was also gentleman, kind, funny, handsome, talented and I fell for him hard.

We stayed glued to each other on that bench for what seemed like ages and then he drove me home. For the first time it wasn’t ‘Good night’ with kiss on the cheek, but it was ‘Good night’ with proper kiss I craved for so long.

[imtaehyungry]

NCT Haechan enemies-to-lovers headcanon

word count: 2278

genre: angst and lots of fluff

·        You first met Haechan when you begged your parents to let you go to kpop dance camp during the summer

·        Haechan had also joined

·        But if you knew that everyone there was really good at dancing, and I mean like REALLY GOOD, especially Haechan, you wouldn’t have gone

·        You, well, you just weren’t that good

·        It seemed as if everyone had been dancing since they were babies and you hadn’t, you had been learning on your own because you didn’t have the time and commitment to go to actual dance classes

·        You were focusing on your studies

·        And what’s worse is because there were too many people you were put in with the advanced class

·        Even though you weren’t advanced, which made no sense to you like why would they do that?

·        Haechan was in the advanced group, obviously

·        And you were CONSTANTLY compared to him simply because you were the same age

·        It made you feel TERRIBLE

·        He was SO good, his moves were so smooth and he was such a fast learner whilst you just couldn’t seem to get the hang of it

·        You always complained about it to your dorm mates that you made really good friends with but had to be separated from when you were put in the advanced class

·        ‘like who does he even think he is’ you’d say. ‘okay, yeah he’s a good dancer but he’s so cocky about it why does everyone like him?’

·        You admired his dancing skills though, and wanted to be that good one day because you did love dancing so much

·        If only he wasn’t so annoying maybe you’d like his personality too

·        You swore you saw everyone, especially him, give you judging looks whenever you were asked to dance in front of everyone

·        You might’ve been overthinking it, but you probably weren’t.

·        Well what you didn’t know was that you were overthinking it

·        Those looks Haechan gave you weren’t looks of disgust, he actually admired your determination and hard work.

·        The first time he noticed your dancing was when he came to your flat to meet his friend Mark who was living in the room opposite yours

·        You had never actually talked to Mark, you made friends with all the girls in your flat but not the boys

·        But you knew Mark was friends with Haechan so you tried not to talk bad about Haechan in front of Mark

·        Anyway, Haechan heard music from the communal kitchen and went in looking for Mark but saw you cooking with music on and you were dancing around

·        Of course you weren’t doing any choreography, you were just being silly but your moves were so much more smoother and less stiff than what he had seen in class

·        He also found it adorable and wished he knew the real you he saw now when no one was around

·        The second time was when he saw you in the common room completing work for the next year of school

·        You were alone and so you put music out loud

·        Apparently you had given up with the work and were just listening to the music

·        You seemed so into it

·        And as a dancer he knew how important it was not to just pay attention to the moves

·        But also the rhythm of the music, the beat, the instrument sounds and to dissect the piece so you can move your body according to it

·        He figured you were doing that now as he saw you bob your head along to the beat and saw you acknowledge every instrument sound you might not hear the first time

·        If that makes sense

·        The day after, he went to the dance studio once class ended to practice but you were already in there

·        You were practicing the dance you just did that day in class

·        And you weren’t doing the best

·        But you were trying so hard

·        Haechan just smiled, he really admired how determined you were to improve

·        And even your mistakes were cute, it was hard not to like you

·        He left you alone to dance thinking he could just come back later

·        Knowing you didn’t particularly like him

·        He could tell by your face that you felt a little self conscious and insecure being among all these amazing dancers and that your confidence was declining rapidly

·        He wished that wasn’t the case though

·        He wanted to be there with you whilst you went through your transformation from a beginner to an advanced dancer

·        It wasn’t until a few days later he went back to visit Mark and overheard  you and your friend in the kitchen talking about him

·        Out of curiosity he eavesdropped, but he really wished he hadn’t

·        ‘he’s so annoying’ you had said. ‘he’s such a show off too, and everyone compares me to him and talks about me behind my back about my dancing skills. I hear it all. And it’s all his fucking fault, if he wasn’t so perfect all the time people wouldn’t compare me to him. Can he just stop’

·        You knew it wasn’t his fault deep down, and your friend knew you knew that but didn’t say anything so that you could just rant and let it all out.

·        If you knew he was listening you wouldn’t have, but at that time you didn’t know that

·        The words really hurt Haechan

·        Was it really true that people were talking about you behind your back because of him?

·        Of course not, right?

·        Pretending he didn’t hear that, he went to Marks room to hang out and Mark could tell something was off with him

·        But Haechan refused to tell Mark what it was

·        He knew Mark would just go and confront you and he didn’t want to make you feel worse

·        When it was nearing midnight, he left to go back to his room

·        And on the way he overheard some people talking about you

·        ‘she’s such a terrible dancer, I don’t even understand why she came to camp she should just go back home, no one want’s her here anyway. Haechan’s so much better than her, he’s all we need.’

·        Haechan felt so angry, a fire burnt at the pit of his stomach and he exploded

·        ‘you know for someone who’s never had dance lesson’s she’s amazing actually. If she had the same lessons as you she would be so much better than you that’s for sure. Maybe you should just shut up and fuck off if you don’t have anything nice to say. No one cares about your opinion.’

·        Okay so maybe he was a bit harsh but he hadn’t realised that what you said was true

·        People were talking about you, and they were comparing you to him

·        All this time, Haechan hoped that it was a misunderstanding but now that he knew it wasn’t he felt terrible

·        How must you be feeling?

·        And it was all because of him

·        Word got around that he had defended you after the people he yelled at started to bitch about him instead

·        Haechan didn’t really care, he was proud of himself for standing up for you

·        And eventually your friend told you what happened

·        You felt so touched, and so mad at yourself for jumping to conclusions about him

·        After all, it wasn’t his fault you were such a bad dancer

·        You couldn’t sleep that night

·        Feeling so bad for thinking of him so negatively

·        You decided to go to the dance studio to practice the dance from class

·        You hadn’t even noticed Haechan’s stuff in the corner room

·        After you put the music on and everything, Haechan barged into the room with his water bottle in hand

·        That was when you realised he was using the studio but had just gone out to fill his water bottle

·        ‘oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realise you were using the room, i-I’ll go’ you stuttered

·        ‘no, it’s alright you can stay’ he said before you got the chance to leave. ‘ I mean it looks like your practicing the same thing, we could go through the moves together. If you want.’

·        You nodded, and then you both went through the moves together

·        He helped you out when you asked for it, and it was actually really fun

·        You came out understanding how to do the moves better and that made you really happy

·        Haechan loved that he was the reason for the smile on your face

·        Since then you both practiced together in the dance studio after classes ended

·        And you improved so much that people were really shocked in the lessons

·        Whenever the teacher complimented you, you had a big smile on your face and you looked so cute and happy, Haechan found it so adorable

·        You never really hanged out for things other than dance though

·        Haechan was so popular you didn’t want to just barge into his friendship group

·        Besides you didn’t want to ditch your own friends

·        But one day your friends were all doing their summer homework during lunch so you were all alone at the lunch table

·        Haechan approached you and sat opposite you to keep you company

·        You had so much fun that lunch time

·        You hadn’t realised how funny of a person he was

·        And how honey-like his skin was

·        Or how soft and fluffy his hair looked you just wanted to run his hands through it

·        And likewise, he hadn’t realised how beautiful of a smile you had till he was up close

·        Or how soft and plump your lips looked he just wanted to give you a big fat kiss, but of course he had to refrain

·        After that, you both found yourself making excuses to hang out with each other

·        He’d come to your flat to ‘see Mark’ but would float around the kitchen hoping to spot you

·        Mark would be like ‘wtf are you doing, dude? Let’s go to my room.’

·        You’d come out in pyjamas with bed hair and no makeup and all

·        But he still thought you looked so cute

·        And he’d then ditch Mark and talk to you all night long

·        Mark would be like wtf since when did they become such good friends?

·        You’d hover around the dance studio because you know he practiced A LOT

·        And when he was there, you’d join and be like I can’t do this dance move help me pls

·        But then you two would get distracted and start playfighting or he’d start tickling you or some cute shit like that

·        Anyway, you got good enough in dance that by the end of the camp you got asked to perform by the teacher with a bunch of others

·        You were so ecstatic and Haechan was so proud of you

·        He didn’t help you though, for this one

·        This was YOUR thing, and you were perfectly capable of succeeding on your own

·        The dance went AMAZING, and once it ended Haechan waited backstage for you

·        You both hugged and he squealed about how he was so proud of you and how you did brilliantly

·        He went to give you a kiss on the cheek

·        God knows why

·        And you weren’t expecting it AT ALL

·        So you moved your head

·        And instead of his lips landing on your cheek, they landed on your lips instead

·        It was only a peck

·        But it was enough to make the both of you so flustered

·        Luckily it was only you two there

·        You both sprung apart from each other as if you both had the plague

·        He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding your gaze

·        Whilst you tried to use your hair to cover your face

·        ‘I’m-I’m so sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen’ he said. ‘um, I’ll just go, yeah.’

·        You didn’t want that though

·        You kind of liked it

·        Don’t know where the bravery came from but you stopped him

·        ‘wait!’

·        He spun back

·        ‘don’t go. Its okay I kind of liked it.’

·        It took some time to process what you said but after he did he just smirked

·        He came closer to you, and you kind of just froze

·        When his hands met your waist you jumped

·        ‘then is it ok if I, you know’

·        Kissed, he wanted to say kissed, but he was so shy you found that so cute

·        You just nodded, and when his soft lips encountered yours you felt like you were in heaven

·        He was hesitant at first, but when you slowly responded he felt a bit more confident

·        Your lips moulded so well together

·        And the kiss was so good it sent shivers down your spine

·        If he wasn’t holding your waist your knees probably would’ve given way he had you so weak

·        After some time you both came apart because apparently you need air

·        You tried to hide your smile, but after seeing his you gave up and you both just stood there giggling like school children

·        Then someone barged into the room, ruining the moment and you both sprung further from each other

·        Only one thought came into your mind though

·        What did that mean for the both of you?

·        Camp was ending soon and you wouldn’t see each other

·        You frowned, and Haechan noticed, immediately worrying if you regretted kissing him

·        ‘what’s wrong? Did I do something?’ he asked

·        ‘no, I’m just bummed I won’t be able to see you for a whole year now.’ You pouted.

·        He smiled. ‘it’s okay, we’ll keep contact through text and skype and I can even come down a few times if you want me to.’

·        You were so relieved

·        Hopefully this wouldn’t just be a summer fling

·        ‘I’d love that.’

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: okay so this is my first NCT thing and I just love NCT SO MUCH and especially fullsun Haechan so i thought why not combine my 2 fav things Haechan and dancing and write something. This was SO much fun to write I kind of got carried away, it’s so long. I actually wanted to write more so there will be a part 2 but this is for my fellow nctzens I hope you enjoy it!

[rkkyul]

190801 MGA SEASON 5 + EPISODE FIVE +  #5050 FEATURING : TEAM KT  ⟨ ━━ ❀ ° PART ONE: PERFORMANCE, LION HEART + I GOT A BOY ( LINES / SONG ) ⟩

it hits her all at once, the overwhelming emotions trapping her before swallowing her whole. she’s going through the motions - watching heejin and minho rise from their seat beside her as their names are called, numbly following them up onstage. kyulkyung isn’t sure she’s breathing air, mouth opening in surprise and eyes widening as her teammates lead the way. perhaps her reaction is a bit dramatic, but oh is it genuine. 

the whole experience was so surreal - to even be considered for the top performance of the week when she had failed to do so the entire show. kyulkyung was tired of being average, of resting on that safe middle ground between being the best and the worst. average. want an ugly word. their names weren’t called when the top performance was announced, but she was too high in the clouds to notice - hand clasped tightly around heejin’s as they awaited the announcement. was it disappointing? maybe a little, but to finally be at the point was certainly an ego boost. 

semi finalist. 

the words were strange to her. the woman who had allowed herself to persuaded into something she once found silly was now officially a semi finalist for the mga’s fifth season. oh, she couldn’t wait to tell her mom. 

her heart was still racing when the trio once again returned to their seats, following throughout the hug minho gave them - adrenaline coursing through every part of her being as the show went on without her. kyulkyung listened, watched more talented performers leave them and she wondered how she had even managed to make it this far. she didn’t doubt her worth or talent, just wondered what happened to suddenly have luck on her side. 

after the disaster that was 2018, the woman entertained the idea of this just being some cruel joke. zhou jieqiong? making it this far on her own? joonho would’ve laughed in her face. but she tried to not think about that.

she’s slapped back into reality when the contestants suddenly awake with life, their bodies moving in shock and excitement rising in hushed tones. moving her eyes from where they stayed fixated on her shoes, they follow the movements of the new appearances on stage

from sphere entertainment, please welcome CONVEX’s very own JINKI and JINWOOK, as well as our star trainee and winner of the last season of the MGAs, GO HOJUNG!

her ears hang tightly onto the world CONVEX, hoping a familiar someone’s name will follow but much to her disappointment, she’s left with unfamiliar faces and dismay. but she perks up, attentive in her seat as she patiently awaits the coaches from TRC to be announced. JINSOUL - kyulkyung can’t help the tiny noise that passes her lips, excitement enveloping her entire form when she lays eyes on her best friend. “hey, that’s my best friend!” she attempts to whisper to minho and heejin - practically shaking in her seat and definitely way too excited.

i can’t believe she didn’t tell me, despite her thoughts, kyulkyung grins anyway. her anticipation only grows as time passes. please let me get onto trc’s team. please. please. please.

and no, not just because that would mean jinsoul gets to coach her.

she’s just a tiny bit disappointment when the TRC group announcement rolls around and her name is passed up. just the tiniest bit. however, this is short lived when her name is revealed under KT. the company is a bit surprising, solely for the fact that she wouldn’t have chosen it for herself. out of everything, she was expecting nova the most. but getting picked to perform in a group for a company run by katie lee, that’s pretty amazing. 

                                                                     ❀

"semi finalist? oh, god i can’t believe.” yea, she can’t either.

kyulkyung laughs at her mother’s enthusiasm over the phone - feeling her cheeks grow hot at the woman’s constant, unrelenting praises. it’s nice to hear the complements and she allows her ego to inflate with each syllable. her mother always complemented her, but it was nice to hear something the woman herself could also feel proud of.

the mgas were different than anything else she had done in life. there was no reliance on anything other than what her talent alone had to offer. there was no behind-the-scenes magic that needed to worked, no amount of bills slipped under the table and secrets to be kept. the fact made her prideful if anything.

after last year, it seemed as if everything wrong she had done had constantly stayed on her back - a quiet monster, the chill that ran down her spine and kept her awake at night. it was hard to put it past her, but somehow she had managed to tuck it away far enough, bury it so deep within that it never even became an afterthought. the process took time and trust, especially with her mother who felt almost as guilty as her.

“you know after last year, i worried about you. i felt like i set a back example.” kyulkyung clenched the phone pressed against her ear tightly in her grasp, fighting back whatever emotions spewed up. biting down on her lip, the woman pushed through whatever words left her mother’s mouth through the phone. perhaps the worst part about the whole situation was that her mother felt responsible, took on her daughter’s worries and that was not okay. 

the woman’s voice is strained through the phone and she fears she’s holding back tears. “but i’m proud of you, for doing something and making it this far. i really hope you make it this week, jie.” me too, mom. she answers, burring herself further beneath the sheets - feeling the dull ache of attachment to the woman who can only speak to her through a phone or stupid screen.

“i wasn’t going to tell you this in case it jinxed you this thursday but chun and i are coming in next week - just in time for the finals. he has a business down there, but i figured i’d tag along just to see my girl.” and lying in her bed that night, phone tucked between her ear and pillow, making it to the finals next week meant so much more to her.

                                                                     ❀

once again,the week goes by rather smoothly with her teammates. except for the fact that they are busy, busy, busy.

the coaches and teammates are alike in the ways that they are helpful to a girl with minimal singing experience. and lucky for kyulkyung, this week she’s in a room full of incredible talents. of course yukhei and her scream over each other their first meeting, having only spoke to the boy over suwoong’s phone a few episodes ago and having got along pretty well. he’s just as fun as the woman expected and paired with talent to combat his upbeat nature. 

the girl known for her singing and musical talents, yuri is just as amazing to work with as she expected. their team is full of power vocals, yuri and sia bringing enough to the table and offering whatever tips they had to ever so curious kyulkyung. “c’mon please... think of me please?” she begs yuri to sing such an iconic song - phantom of the opera being a personal favorite of the woman. she could never get enough of the tragic story that was erik and christine. ugh, it made her cry every time.

“i’d say i’d help sing it, but that’s a disgrace to phantom of the opera. it’s a sin.” kyulkyung pulls a hand to her chest, bowing her head in sadness before shaking her head at the thought. yuri is the only one who could do it justice while she couldn’t bare the embarrassment for herself.

kyulkyung’s delighted witrh yuri’s compliance, elated to hear one of the songs from her favorite musical from personally one of her favorites on the show. before being teamed up together, the woman had always admired her from afar - completely losing herself in her voice and loving every moment of it. just as expected, yuri’s voice complements the song nicely and she can’t help the long drawl she lets out, pressing a hand against her heart and swaying ever so dramatically to the tone of the other’s voice. 

all shenanigans aside, the woman found herself in a situation that left her bewildered. she didn’t mind to help usually, but sia’s call for help left her a bit nervous. kyulkyung didn’t have experience with cutting or mixing music, but the other girl needed help and who was she to refuse? “i don’t care to, but you’ll have to lead the way some.” the woman admitted with a tiny smile, eager to help out in any way that she can. 

the process wasn’t too difficult, but it was a process. creating the choreography with nakyung for the dance break wasn’t nearly as hard as creating the mix, but eventually they got it done ( and kyulkyung was there to offer any extra help whenever someone needed it ). the fact that they had managed to pull it off was extremely exciting for the woman, even going as far as to do a mini celebration dance whenever they finished it. yes, she was embarrassed with herself afterwards but damn was she proud. 

turns out she’ll be heading back to hook & crook after the show with a little bit more than dance and performance tips.

                                                                       ❀

thursday approaches quickly and this time, kyulkyung’s a bit nervous when she climbs onstage. the semi finals held a lot of more meaning than the other performances and after being in the top 3 last week, she’s sure there’s an expectancy for both her and her team. in fact, the entirety of team kt had at least one episode’s worth of top 3 experience under their belt and it makes her wonder if they’ll be watched that much closer. 

her hair, now faded a bit after a few washes, hangs loosely atop her head - the white nature of her top and shorts a contrast to the red bandanna that’s tied around her thigh. she’s standing on stage with her team, head held high and signature smile wide despite the nerves that light up when the judges and eyes of their first live audience lays upon them. “hello! we are FOH!CUS.” the team greets before being met with the thunderous clap of applause.

the noise is enough to brighten her smile and settle whatever negative emotions she felt. kyulkyung did not get stage fright, well not anymore at least. the eyes of an audience was not foreign to her especially after her time with knb. it was all just noise to her, eager eyes there to watch them perform and their entertainment for the night. they’d give them a show worth while, especially with all the pretty faces and power vocals up there. 

in the most arrogant way possible, kyulkyung thought team FOH!CUS was hard to forget. 

“hello! constant #5050, zhou jieqiong here again!” she will never forget that tiny bit of chinese at the beginning of her introduction - not until the very end ( it’s kind of a habit at this point, honestly ).

as the group arranges themselves for the beginning of the performace, yuri finds herself in the center - surrounded by her teammates and introducing the audience to chi chi’s lion heart. the vocals are soft as are their movements, the singer’s tone and charisma alone enough to draw attention and set the mood of their performance. kyulkyung’s sure the audience’s heart fluttered just a little as did hers when she heard yuri sing the song for the first time.

ah 넌 달라진 게 없어 여전해 난 애가 타고 또 타 사냥감 찾아 한눈파는 너

kyulkyung’s voice follow’s the other girl’s smoothly, a nice transition into her sweet tone and flowing nicely with the music. luckily for her, the movements during this part are minimal for her at least - allowing her voice to carry unfaltering and comfortably. singing live was something she worried a lot about, but with tips and a lot of help, her confidence grew little by little. her smile is delicate upon her lips, her legs carrying her into the next series of moments as they draw into the chorus.

chi chi’s choreography isn’t hard to follow, but it’s nice and fun to watch. the song and melody allows for an easy smile from kyulkyung, putting on an image of a girl in love and innocence. their movements and choreography are soft and flows nicely against the music, but that makes it so much better when the shock of their transition settles in.

lion heart suddenly comes to a halt and everyone is moving into new position - a new light overwhelming them as the beat changes entirely. the mix that kyulkyung and sia put together takes over the stage, the group moving in sync with one another in a way contrasting themselves just a few moments prior.

nakyung and kyulkyung were responsible for creating the choreography, transitioning them into the beginning of i got a boy and creating a whole new mood for their stage. the woman’s presence changes drastically, a more coy, cheerful look overtaking her frame as the upbeat tone of the music sounds. personally, she prefers songs like this to lion heart - feeling more like herself with peppy beats and modern lyrics. hahaha! eh let me introduce myself - kyulkyung points to yukhei as speaks,  here comes trouble, whoo! there’s a playful grin on her lips as she moves - raising a hand to motion a ‘come here’ movement with her fingers, 따라해.

어떨 땐 오빠처럼 듬직하지만 애교를 부릴 땐 넘 예뻐 죽겠어

preparing for their performance was once again fun for the woman - this being what she looked forward to most when she joined the competition. and honestly speaking, kyulkyung learned a lot more than she thought she would. working with people was one thing especially on a show like the mgas, the fierce nature of the competition threatening to bring out the worst in people but so far, that hadn’t been the case ( at least for her ).

the way they move alongside one another on stage is exciting - no doubt a visual and talent overload for their audience and she wonders if this what being an idol felt like. and if that’s case, it makes her want that contract even more.

making it this far was exciting, but left her greedy more than ever. there was a lot pending on today’s performance, on her advancement into the competition that she undermined completely. coming in with no expectations and following through with nothing but the highest, that was surely a shock. but not only did she want a contract presented to her in the end, kyulkyung would also love for her mother to at least see her perform once. 

귀 기울여 주는 너 너

her mother’s words drive her confidence, fuel the endless stream of energy that courses through her as they near the end of their performance. kyulkyung didn’t have a lot of lines, but she didn’t asked for many - leaving the singing up to the professionals and taking as many notes as she could. the coaches and her teammates helped equally and she matched their drive with one of her own, practicing up until the very last moment because she didn’t need the embarrassment up on stage.

she’s not as perfect as she’d like to be, but she knew what she had to work with and milked it for its worth. what she lacked in singing she made up with her dancing and countless expressions, enjoying every minute she was up on that stage. 

as the performance neared its end, kyulkyung couldn’t help the bottomless pit of worry that began to sizzle deep within her stomach. no matter how good they did or how much the crowd loved their performance, one of her teammates would be going home. 

it hurt to think about, but she supposed that’s just the nature of a competition and she’ll do anything in her power to make sure that person isn’t her.

[searchingwardrobes]

Natural Opposite: 11/16

This chapter has been a long time coming, and I am so excited to finally share it! Though Emma and Killian’s relationship doesn’t escalate in the physical sense yet, some walls still come down emotionally. This chapter is also one of the reasons for the M rating as we find out more of Emma’s back story.

Huge thanks as always to my awesome beta @distant-rose, and a shout out to everyone in the CSBB for the discord chat to help me pick the song for this Halloween dance. Especially @katie-dub who recommended “Dark Waltz” by Hayley Westenra. Be sure to check out her CSBB story, Princess of White Chapel, because it is SO good! Actually, everyone in the CSBB put out exceptional work, so be sure to give them all the love and attention they deserve.

I can not fully express how much I love the chapter art that @optomisticgirl did for this. It was the first piece she made, and I was just blown away the minute I saw it! So be sure to go over to her blog and like and reblog because she deserves all the love!

Here is her other chapter art for this story:Two Four Five Six Seven Nine

Summary: Dance is more than Emma Swan’s career; it’s practically saved her life on more than one occasion. But when it comes to reality TV shows, she’s always danced in the shadows of her twin brother David and her sister Elsa. Her first season as a pro on Dancing With the Stars was a disaster, and she enters her second season determined to prove herself. All she needs is a good partner. Hollywood bad boy and ladies’ man Killian Jones isn’t what she had in mind.

Rating: M for mature themes, steamy dance routines, and sexy times (But NOT smut)

Trigger warnings: discussions of online solicitation of a minor, bullying, statutory rape, and emotionally abusive/controlling relationships; stalking; anti-Rumbelle, anti-Neal

Can also be read on Ao3

Tagging: (let me know if you want to be added to my tag list) @snowbellewells @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @kday426 @bethacaciakay @teamhook @whimsicallyenchantedrose @snidgetsafan @delirious-latenight-laughs @winterbaby89 @followbatb @onceuponaprincessworld @hollyethecurious @ohmakemeahercules

Chapter Eleven: Dark Waltz

Emma was a nervous wreck arriving at the studio to rehearse with Killian. She wasn’t sure how she should handle the gossip. Should she bring it up? Would he? Should she just pretend not to know and ignore it? Would it make things awkward between them? Killian was always flirting with her, trying to get her to open up, but he had never actually asked her out or made a move. She liked things where they were: friendship with innocent flirting. She didn’t want those stupid pictures to mess up the delicate balance they had struck.

But when she stepped off the elevator on the top floor, the sound of loud shouting from the studio at the end of the hall had all thoughts of paparazzi pushed from her mind. She raced down the hall, along with several other celebs and pro dancers towards the room where Jefferson and Belle rehearsed. Emma was shocked to find Robert Gold on the floor, Liam Jones on top of him. Killian was trying to pull his brother off as he threw punches at the older man. Belle was crying and begging Liam to stop. Finally, Jefferson and Graham joined Killian and the three of them managed to pull Liam back and calm him down. Security then rushed in and ushered Liam, Gold, and Belle out of the room. Jefferson followed along with his partner.

Once they had gone, Emma turned to Killian in shock. “What the hell was that all about?”

Killian ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Apparently Gold has been stalking Belle. Liam came to bring her coffee this morning, and he caught Gold in here with her. Liam said he was touching her somehow, but my brother wasn’t exactly focusing on talking, if you know what I mean.”

Emma’s forehead wrinkled in concern. “Poor Belle.” She reached out and laid a hand on Killian’s arm. He was clearly agitated. “Security will sort it all out, okay? We’ve had crazy shit happen before, believe me.”

“I’m sure you’re right. I just hope Belle’s okay. She has such a kind heart, and she’s good for my brother. I’d hate for him to have to go home so soon over all this.”

Emma just rubbed his arm in silence for a moment. “Do you want to cancel our rehearsals for today? Go make sure Liam’s alright?”

Killian shook his head. “We’ve missed so much rehearsal time already. And aren’t we choreographing the group number this afternoon?”

He had a point, so despite Killian’s obvious worry, they headed back to their usual studio. They jumped right into their waltz, working hard all morning. It seemed to calm Killian to have something to focus on. In the midst of everything, Emma never did bring up the TMZ pictures.

******************************************************

Emma and Killian had been teamed up with two athletes for the group dance: figure skater Aurora Briar who danced with Sean Herman, and NFL football player Lance Knight who was partnered with Gwen Pendragon. They had to dance to the song “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Goyte. Gwen had been on the show almost since the beginning, and kind of took charge. Emma wanted to do a vampire themed paso doble, but Gwen decided that they would do a dance patterned more after the song’s music video. So the number ended up being a combination of a tango and a modern piece, and the story was about three widowers looking at the paintings of their deceased wives. The paintings came to life, and the dance ensued.

Killian argued that after Emma’s incredible choreography with “Heart Shaped Box,” she should have more say. But Emma pulled him aside to talk him down.

“This is supposed to be fun,” she hissed at him.

“Your idea was way better, Swan,” he argued, “and the judges still score this dance.”

“That’s sweet of you to say,” Emma told him, “but Gwen’s been on this show for a really long time. She’s already won the mirror ball twice and gotten three Emmy nominations for her choreography.”

Killian’s jaw clenched. Lance teasingly asked if they were finished kissing in the corner. Emma turned bright red, thinking back to those TMZ pictures they had never discussed.

“Shut up, Lance!” Emma shot back.

Killian deflated and gave Emma a sheepish smile as he scratched behind his ear.

“Sorry, love, I just see so much talent in you. I hate to see it underappreciated.”

Emma felt her heart soar at his words. She had worked so hard for so many years, yet always felt under other people’s shadows. Namely her brother’s and her sister’s. The fact that Killian saw so much in her was both encouraging and terrifying.

They went back to the rest of the group, and Killian behaved himself. He and Aurora were the stronger celebs when it came to picking up the choreography, but Lance was determined, as athletes usually were on the show. Killian provided good balance for the two intense competitors, getting both Aurora and Lance to laugh and enjoy the group dynamic. Emma marveled at his ability to get along with everyone so easily. She wished she had that quality.

The rest of the days leading up to the Halloween episode flew by. They filmed the requisite clips of their team trash-talking the other one and pretending to “spy” on the other group’s rehearsals. In the frenetic pace of everything, those pictures on TMZ never came up. Even the media seemed to lose interest as news that Belle French had put out a restraining order on Robert Gold consumed everyone’s attention. Killian had been worried that Gold would press assault charges against his brother, but when the obsessive content of the man’s texts and emails to Belle became public, the billionaire had other things on his mind. And Emma hated herself for even thinking it, but part of her was glad that the drama with Gold would be at the forefront of everyone’s minds in the studio come Monday afternoon.

*****************************************************

Emma and Killian, for the first time all season, were scheduled to dance first for the Halloween episode. The set department, like every Halloween, had outdone themselves. Emma had asked for a graveyard, and they had delivered. A black iron gate flanked the dance floor, and in between were an assortment of tombstones. Dry ice sent fog billowing throughout the scene.

“Did they have to use my actual name?” Killian whispered in her ear as she took her place in front of the largest of the tombstones. It read in large, block letters: “Killian Jones.”

Emma just shrugged at him. “Better you than me,” she teased, “now go find your mark.”

He squeezed her hand before walking to the other side of the dance floor and taking his place behind one of the iron gates. The premise of their dance was fairly simple: Emma was a bride widowed on her wedding day. The costume department had made her a gorgeous lace wedding gown that was tattered and stained with blood. Black roses adorned her hair, which was down in a messy mass of curls. Killian, the deceased groom, was dressed in a tux that was in similar shape, and the makeup department had rubbed his skin with white foundation. But the truly gruesome part were the bloody wounds they had added to his face.

“The makeup team sort of knocked the handsome out of me,” he had joked to Emma when she first saw him.

Emma had just shaken her head and laughed. “No make-up artist is that good.” She swore she could see him blush through his heavy foundation.

The video package this week was fairly innocuous. It focused more on the storyline of their dance and silly Halloween jokes than on the actual content of their rehearsals. As it wound to a close, Emma knelt before the tombstone, a black rose in her hand. Camera angles would make it appear to the viewing audience at home that Killian’s ghost appeared out of nowhere to dance with her.

The strains of “Dark Waltz” by Hayley Westenra began to play as Emma set the rose on top of the tombstone. As she always did when performing, Emma reached deep inside of her, to emotions that she normally kept buried. My character has lost her lover, Emma lectured herself internally, She’s alone and grieving.

Later, Emma would try to pinpoint exactly what opened the floodgates of pain, but she could never decide if were the first melancholy notes of music or the gentle touch of Killian’s hand on her shoulder. Whatever it was, she danced the waltz with a raw emotion she had never experienced before. It wasn’t just the grieving widow who was desperate to hold onto her lover, it was Emma as well. Killian fed off her energy, and they both grasped for one another in an almost desperate way. It was truly a dark waltz, just like the song said.

At the end, when Emma spun back around to find Killian’s “ghost” suddenly gone, her own choreography called for her to collapse to the ground in grief. It didn’t, however, call for tears. Yet they came anyway. Something about the character being so utterly, completely alone - abandoned forever -tore at Emma in a way she couldn’t explain. Emma choked, attempting to hold the tears at bay, yet they streamed down her face anyway. She put a trembling hand to her mouth, taking deep breaths through her nose, but they wouldn’t stop. Soon, Killian was there, helping her up to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest where her tears wet his shirt.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, making no move to steer her towards the judges.

Emma took a long, shaky breath and nodded as the tears finally stopped flowing. She gave Killian a wobbly smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He gave her a gentle smile in return, reaching up to brush her tears away with his knuckles. “Are you sure, love?”

She nodded, her cheeks flooding with heat. She turned towards the judges with shaky steps, Killian’s arm a strong support at her waist. The judges and most of the audience were on their feet. Marco asked her a question – something about her emotions - and she stumbled over some kind of answer about being swept away by the story. She wasn’t entirely sure due to the roaring in her ears. She barely registered what any of the judges said. Tiana had to deduct points for an illegal lift, but otherwise, the feedback was positive. Upstairs, the roaring in her ears continued as Ashley interviewed them. It mostly consisted of Ashley marveling over Killian’s disturbing makeup. Emma had a feeling her partner was trying to intentionally pull the attention away from her and her emotional outburst because he laughed and teased Ashley for several minutes about his fake bloodied face. Then the scores were announced: two tens and a nine. Emma was still numb as Killian grabbed her in a tight hug, pulling her up off her feet. The second Ashley announced a commercial break, Emma dashed for the backstage area, ripping off her mic as she went.

Emma found a corner behind the plywood sets and lowered herself shakily to the cold concrete floor. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face in the circle of her arms. She felt the black roses atop her head slip down over one ear.

“Please mates,” she heard Killian’s voice behind her, “give her some bloody privacy.”

She felt his hand on her shoulder, and thinking back to the start of their dance, shuddered at his touch. “I sent the camera guys away,” he told her softly, “so if you want to tell me what happened out there –“

“No,” Emma cut him off, “I don’t.”

“I’d like to help –“

“Killian,” she snapped, “leave me alone. Please.”

She heard him release a long sigh, then his hand slipped from her shoulder. It fell silent around her again, and she assumed he had done as she had asked. Then a hand touched her elbow.

“Damn it, Killian, I said –“ Emma’s words died on her lips when she lifted her face to see her brother kneeling beside her. “Oh,” she muttered sheepishly, pushing hair out of her face, “I didn’t know it was you.”

David shifted so he was sitting on the floor next to her, his arm around her. Emma sagged against him, resting her head on his shoulder like she used to when she was a kid. For several minutes, they just sat there. Ariel appeared at the far end of the corridor, her silhouette outlined by the stage lights behind her.

“David, we’ve got a troupe dance in five!”

“Gimme a minute!” he snapped back in irritation. Ariel shrugged and headed back towards the stage.

Emma dug an elbow into her brother’s ribs. “You better get going.”

David made no move to leave. Finally, he leaned over and whispered against her hair. “It was about Neal, wasn’t it?”

Emma stiffened.

“You don’t have to be so tough, Emma,” he told her gently.

“I know what you’re going to say,” Emma groaned, “and the last thing I want to do is talk about this on some therapist’s couch.”

David actually chuckled. “Oh, I think Mom and I have given up on trying to get you to do that. But you know, you’ve got a family of four people. Five, if you count Mary Margaret, which she would. And not one of us would mind being a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. We may not be a conventional family, but we all love you.”

“David, come on!” It was now Ruby shouting for her brother.

“Go,” she told him, giving him a shove, “before you get fired.”

He kissed the top of her head and left her. Emma yanked the crown of depressing flowers off her head and threw them aside. Black roses. No wonder it brought back memories of Neal.

**************************************************

It was past two in the morning, and Emma couldn’t sleep. And after how the show ended today, she desperately needed to. The results had been a shock to everyone: no one had been eliminated. In retrospect, Emma should have seen it coming. The producers hadn’t given the pros even a hint of what the theme was for the week. Turned out, it was one that always proved dramatic: partner switch week. Instead of dancing with Killian, she had been paired with baseball player August Booth. Emma groaned as she stirred her hot chocolate. Baseball players were notoriously stiff dancers. It could be Leroy all over again. At least the guy was attractive.

Emma shuffled over to the couch and settled down with a heavy quilt draped across her legs. She took a sip of her cocoa as she sagged against the cushions. Retrospection wasn’t one of Emma’s strengths, but she attempted to at least pin down what was bothering her. Knowing she had to dance with a new partner was stressful, so it could be that. Or maybe it was the second dance she would have to do with Killian: a dance off against Elsa and Graham of all couples. They were definitely going for drama next week, that was for sure.

Then Emma remembered her embarrassing meltdown on a live television show. She set down her mug and buried her head beneath the covers. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t sleep because her emotions were too close to the surface. Fear and pain that she had pushed aside for ten years had come bubbling up without warning. Why now?

Emma’s phone, which was lying on the coffee table, lit up with a text message. She snatched it up, curious as to who would be contacting her at such an ungodly hour. She blinked to see a message from Killian.

I’m outside, but I didn’t want to wake anyone up.

Emma’s brow furrowed in surprise. Everything okay?

I’m actually here because I’m worried YOU aren’t okay.

Emma let out a long breath. She gnawed on her lower lip, considering, then rose from the couch with the quilt still wrapped around herself. She opened the door to see Killian on the other side, his gaze hesitant. She was surprised to see him in a baseball cap.

“How did you even know I would be up?” she whispered.

He shrugged. “Lucky guess? You seemed pretty shaken up today.” He shuffled his feet, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “And I couldn’t sleep either.”

Emma gave him a teasing smile. “That worried about switching partners?”

He smiled back. “Maybe I am. I’m sure Jasmine is a fine dancer, but there’s only one Emma Swan.”

Emma felt inexplicably shy all of a sudden, standing there in her plaid pajamas with a ratty old quilt draped over her shoulders. She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Look, Killian, everyone’s asleep –“

“I know,” he interrupted quickly, “I was wondering if you’d come with me.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Not really in the mood for partying.”

He shook his head, his eyes sparkling. “I had something else in mind. You can even stay in your PJs, and . . . are those wookie slippers?”

Emma chuckled as she shuffled her feet, “A Christmas present from Henry.”

“Ah, I see.” She suddenly realized that Killian himself was in a long sleeve tee and jeans, in addition to the cap. It was the most casual she had ever seen him.

“Um,” Emma mumbled, letting go of one end of the quilt so she could tuck her wayward hair behind her ears, “I’ll go change. Just wait here.”

Emma quickly threw on a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt, then pulled her hair into a messy ponytail. She slipped into a pair of flip flops, joined Killian outside, and they headed downstairs to his car.

“Never seen you in a hat,” she commented.

He shrugged. “I didn’t want any more pictures getting out.”

Emma felt herself blush as he opened his car door for her. “So you saw those.”

“Aye,” he said as he slid behind the driver’s wheel, “I’ve gotten used to that sort of thing, but I know you’re not. I hope you weren’t too upset by it.”

“I was at first, but nothing came of it, so . . . “ Emma trailed off, unsure what else to say. The pictures honestly seemed like a whole lot of nothing compared to the memories that wouldn’t quit invading her mind since their waltz that afternoon. Silence settled between them, but not an uncomfortable one. Emma leaned her head against the window, looking up at the hazy LA sky.

“I just want you to know,” Killian said softly, “that I’m doing this as a friend. I can tell your heart is troubled, and I’d like to help if I can.”

Emma turned to examine his profile as he concentrated on driving. She pulled her knees to her chest as she took in the sincerity of his expression. Neal had made her cynical, untrusting, and yet here she was driving through LA with an actor of all people at 2:30 in the morning. She closed her eyes and waited for the panic to set in. She was shocked when it never came.

The rest of the twenty minute drive was a quiet one. Finally, Killian pulled up to a marina on the coast where a row of sleek yachts were moored. Emma got out, eager to feel the sea breeze on her face. Killian came to walk beside her, resting his hand at the small of her back to guide her up the pier.

“You have a boat?”

“Aye,” Killian answered, stopping in front of a yacht with gold trim and the name The Jewel of the Realm painted on the side in navy blue, “and here she is.”

“She’s not The Jolly Roger?” Emma teased as he helped her on board.

“No, but Jewel of the Realm,” he replied, emphasizing the first letters, “see what I did there?”

Emma nodded, “I get it.”

“Now, Swan,” Killian told her, guiding her up a ladder to a deck area on top of the yacht, “I want you to relax while I get us out a little ways from shore.”

Emma looked at the pile of cushions and blankets artfully scattered around. She arched a brow at Killian. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

Killian reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his expression earnest. “I meant what I said in the car. I find the sea calming. That’s all I want to give you, Emma. A little bit of peace from your troubles. If I can.”

Emma swallowed nervously, taking a quick step back. She hadn’t been expecting him to sidestep such an open invitation to an innuendo. This kind offering of friendship was almost harder to deal with than his flirting. Emma masked her discomfort with a joke. “Well that’s good because I may just fall asleep.”

Killian ducked his head with a soft chuckle. “If so, then my work here is done.”

He turned to go down to the wheel, but Emma stopped him. “Wait. You – you’ll come back up in a few minutes, right?”

He smiled softly. “Aye, love, as soon as I lay anchor.”

Once he had left, Emma sank down to the cushions and drew a blanket around herself. The air here on the water was a bit chillier than in the city. She leaned back, tilting her head up to look at the sky. As they headed farther out to sea, she could see stars twinkling overhead. Killian was right; it was calming. The rocking of the boat and the repetitive whooshing sound of the water caused Emma to drift off for a moment. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when the cutting of the engine and a loud splash awakened her. Killian came back up the ladder, smiling softly at her as he settled in next to her. They both lay there, looking up at the clear night sky. Killian said nothing, and Emma appreciated the silence. When she finally spoke, she could only manage a whisper.

“His name was Neal.”

Killian turned to look at her, “Henry’s father?”

Emma nodded, looking away from his gaze and up at the stars instead. “I was sixteen when I met him online. I had a MySpace page, and that’s where we started talking. He said he was eighteen.” Emma fiddled with the edge of the blanket across her lap. “I was young and stupid, shared too much personal information. He wanted to come to one of my dance competitions.” Emma let out a long, shaky breath. “That’s when I found out he wasn’t eighteen.”

Still Killian didn’t speak, but he brushed his hand against hers. Emma grasped it, threading her fingers with his like they always did on the dance floor.

“He was twenty-five,” Emma continued. She chanced a glance at Killian, but his only reaction was a slight clenching of his jaw. “Anyway, Ingrid never knew he was at that competition. He made me promise not to tell anyone about him. He said people wouldn’t understand. He kissed me and told me I was beautiful. Said that watching me dance was mesmerizing. I convinced myself it was love.”

Killian squeezed her hand. “You don’t have to tell me anymore if you don’t want to,” he told her softly.

“No,” she said in a shaky voice, “I want to. I need to.” The next part was the hardest to tell. “It was always at my competitions that we would meet. This went on for a year. When I was seventeen, he asked me for a dance lesson. So I snuck out of my hotel room where the competition was being held . . .“

Suddenly, Emma felt as if a weight had settled on her chest. She sat up, struggling to breath. Killian sat next to her, rubbing her back soothingly. She put her head between her knees, breathing in through her nose, and out through her mouth, the way Ingrid had taught her.

“Did he rape you?” Killian asked gently.

Emma shook her head as she let out a long, cleansing breath. “No, but it was the night I lost my virginity. Like I said, I thought it was love. After that, he . . . changed. He became more demanding of my time, more intrusive, more critical. It became harder and harder to hide things from Ingrid, but Neal kept saying that she would never understand the way he loved me. But Ingrid knew something was wrong. I was skipping rehearsals, my grades were dropping, I was tired all the time. She and I were always fighting. It was the same with David and my sisters. I started pulling away from them. Neal encouraged it. Only now can I see that he wasn’t who he said he was.”

By the time Emma finished, tears were pouring down her face. She turned towards Killian, who let her fall against his chest as ugly sobs tore at her. She hadn’t cried like this in over ten years. His arms tightened around her.

“I’m so sorry, Emma,” he told her brokenly. “Does he know about Henry?”

Emma pulled back, rolling her eyes as she scrubbed at her tear-stained cheeks. “Why do you think he disappeared? I told him I was pregnant, and that was it. I couldn’t reach him; not online, not by phone. It was like he took what he wanted from me, and when things got complicated, just like that, he was gone.”

Killian said nothing, putting his arm around her again and drawing her close. She rested her cheek against his chest and listened to the soothing sounds of the water.

“I guess, that dance. . . Neal left me broken. Somehow, I tapped into that pain today.”

Killian still didn’t let her go, and Emma felt herself go limp against him. She had never felt so safe in a man’s arms before. “Did he go to jail?” Killian asked.

“No,” Emma breathed out shakily, “I was so freaked out, it was weeks before I told Ingrid about the baby. By then, I had deleted my MySpace page. I just wanted to erase him from my life. Maybe his name wasn’t even Neal. Who knows?”

“But you didn’t let him stop you from dancing. You are so strong, Emma Swan.”

“And I have Henry,” she added, a wistful smile spreading across her face. “Being a dancer, and young, I was pretty far along before I knew about him. When I saw his little hands and feet on that ultrasound, I knew I could never give him up.”

“Does he know?”

Emma nodded. “I’ve always tried to be honest with him; explaining things as he was old enough to understand them. And he’s had a heck of an internet safety talk, believe me. Multiple times.”

“He’s a tough lad,” Killian said, “like his mother.”

Emma pulled away from Killian’s embrace, brushing at tendrils of hair that had stuck to her wet cheeks. “Ugh. I’m not acting so tough right now.”

“I disagree, Emma,” Killian told her, “I’ve never seen such strength.”

[camimoo]

So, I watched the Heathers episode of Riverdale

K, so I’ve never watched Riverdale before (well like half an episode on tv once) but I heard there was a musical episode themed on Heathers.  

So I watched it…and accidentally started writing a really long play-by-play analysis:

Oh we’re really just gonna turn on a boombox and go. Ok.

Is KJ’s voice that high all the time? is that just the line they gave him? It’s so babie

Tiny girl  :((( so much autotune.

Oh gosh, that “whyyyyyyyyyyy” is too low for him. Otherwise the Kevin guy is probably their best guy singer.

Weird disorganized sometimes-choreography for background peeps. Like this row of desks will move, but the one next to it will be completely still

“Are all of you this miserable”  lol

The hair wooshy noises…this is only for this episode right? That can’t be in the regular run of the show right? It’s so loud

Oh heck, no harmony on Candy Store :( also weird bad cuts

Is veronica’s house always lit with crappy eerie blue lights?

Is every character selling drugs?  Like every single one?

Also is the plot that these kids have to stop their drug dealing moms?

“What are you gonna do?” “ I’m gonna take a bath.” *starts crying* lmao

Co director girl is so over acting.  Is she a regular character on this show?

Aw man lowering the big fun notes :(

Also can the Ram Sweeney guy actually act? Cuz based on what I’m seeing, imma go with No.

So, frequently, a disembodied voice is just singing and matches nobody on screen, like they don’t seem to concerned with getting the right person on screen lip-syncing at the right moment.

Also one of the jock dudes is suuuuper tone deaf

Again terrible edit cuts in the song.

I do appreciate that they are all indeed doing jello shots.

So we have the 3 heathers, and then we have … 3 more dark evil heathers?

Also this sometimes using riverdale-veronica as heathers-veronica but also not is confusing

Doing some Grease hand jive dancing?

There are some ridiculously loud sound effects in this. Archie’s jacket for one

I thought the neon lighting was just for promotional photos of Riverdale. But no. literally every scene is lit in neon red and blue (and maybe some yellow)

Ooh I like the “anything to share veronica”, that matches the musical where she has to blurt something out at the assembly

“my family’s always been unconventional.” Lol yeah your family is unconventional, (from the 5 seconds I’ve seen of them) your mother whose face never changes and she just wafts around, and your gravel-voice dad

Off-brand hostess cupcakes!

“He’s a real class act, that Sweet Pea”  how do y’all deliver any of this dialogue with a straight face when your characters have COMIC BOOK names??

“cuz your parents are splitsville” lol, way to be gentle

“I AM RED” and snaps and two replacement heathers come to back her up.  How many heathers are there in this show? We’re up to like 8

“Faux pink lady”.  So we are intentionally making these Grease references. Got it.

Lol she said Westerberg.

What’s the point of saying the one tiny girl is Veronica if Topaz(?) is gonna sing her songs

All hope is gone. Apparently these are the Highschool lyric changes.  Hmmm

I feel like they are mix and matching characters together willy-nilly.  I pick…you and …you! Yep threesome now.

Nuh uh.  Her name is PEACHES?!

The loud sound effects are killing me.  When you pat your thighs that doesn’t usually echo through a whole auditorium peeps.

Also why are we in the auditorium, you all clearly have neon lit mansions to go home to, why not use a more believable setting for seducing your friends?

So Tony/EvilHeather/Veronica is seeing visions of Cheryl/ActualHeather telling her she’s beautiful???

Oof that was a terrible record scratch noise.  Also whiplash! “Let’s make this beautifuuuul-STOP.”

Lol Fang.

What is ThE GaRgOyLe ChaMbEr?

Finally some harmony, it’s altered but still decent. :) Our love is god.

Are they having a secret gay cult wedding in a dungeon church?

The weird kinda half choreo the background cast does every once in a while.  Also specifically its only like the first row of extras in every case.  The back or outer rows never move..?

Do boxers really punch the air for practice by themselves in empty boxing rings?

k. I kinda hate the tiny girl’s voice,

so everybody is Veronica. Huh. Just takin turns.

I guess that’s just what KJ’s singing voice is. Ok.

Also when making cuts, why still have her say “well whoa you can punch real good.”  Just cut the “well whoa” and it will fit your scenario better.

Ok I actually super like the new harmony at the end of fight for me.

Principals are susceptible to cults. Got it.

Meet me at JUNKYARD STEVE’S??

Red scrunchie!

WAIT- did evil-heather and heather-heather used to be in love?

Wait they found the drug lab that quick?  Is this like a once-an-episode kinda thing? just gotta shut down the daily drug lab and move on

“and serial killer fathers” said in a comforting tone.

What even were those terrible piano chords as an intro to Seventeen?

But actually this song seems like a good fit for these traumatized children.  Help these babies :(

The voices of Cole and lilli (and most of them) sound like they were recorded so separately and in completely different ways, ones more breathy, others are echoey, some have autotune…hmm

Also someone pointed out that when you get to the “your eyes can’t we be seeeventeeeeeeen” line, Cole’s voice changes so drastically it has got to be somebody else.  I totally agree.

Sometimes the background music (not heathers) sounds like a western movie.  Like somebody just got challenged to a show down at high noon.

I want to crack an egg with a tiny egg hammer! And he didn’t even get to eat it.

Her dad sounds like a gravellier version of Misha Collins

She does really good at Lifeboat.

“I thought I was captain” diff lyrics.  Ok.

“drugs…terrible…what a nightmare”  delivered practically deadpan devoid of emotion. wow what quality dialogue.

“what is all over your faces?”  oh that’s just the drugs soot. No worries. Trashing meth labs always leaves me covered in soot.

Oof. “Martha are you free tonight?”  nobody answers. They all kinda glance around awkwardly.  Really? Why leave the name in at all if you aren’t including Martha, just change it.

When you burn down a building, shouldn’t you flee the scene of the crime? No? does being in the snake gang make him immune?

Also the pan out to make sure we saw the gas can in the back seat, cuz yanno I couldn’t’ve pieced that bit together on my own.

Also I’m assuming they’re drinking big gulps right?

Weird music edits

HOLD UP, is Tony dressed as Martha??? Wut.

Also none of their vocal styles go together, the transition from the others to tony is jarring. Tony is all sexy breathy poppy.

Hmm, interesting minimal interpretive dancing choreo

Ack, please blend in the tiny girl’s vocals.  Pls I beg you. At least I think its her.

Everyone else: *taking off clothes and jackets*

Jughead: *putting on his hat*

Hold up, I feel like from seeing the rest of the ep I can guess who most of the audience members are that are getting close ups/reaction shots, but I swear they added a new lady, heavily made up, and not Cole or Veronica’s mom...who…?

Oh and now we get creepy cult flash mob with hypnotizing claps. Ok.

 Overall:  pretty messy. No one really plays a specific character so it’s hard to gain any of the character growth that they get in the actual musical.  No one’s vocal style matches like at all.  The new lyrics and tons of edits were odd. The sound mixing was bad I think, like everything stuck out and didn’t match. This show is hilariously broody and they all have such funny names. Camilla whatshername is a good singer, actually the main 3 girls are p good, and the Kevin guy.  

Huh.

[sambart93]

2019.03.20 and 22 Tsuki ni Hoero, Yoru wo Kogegase-kun Yo [Review]

I was highly anticipated the sequel to a stage I saw last year -- first stage’s review is here.

Official Website here Official Twitter here Press Coverage and Video 1, 2, 3, 4

CAST and CHARACTERS

Oguri Ryo as Byakki / Byakomaru Satake Uki as Mibu Sumika Maruyama Shogo as Gedomaru (Young) Hattori Takeo as Yumemaru Yamamoto Mayu as Suzuran Kadono Sho as Kagami Saizou Hanaoka Meika as Nadeshiko (Young) Iwasaki Koji as Yagara Keiji Harigaya Saori as Kohaku Sekiya Mayu as Yukikusa Kimura Yuryou as Kumasaka Gyouki Aina as Hikime Shouji Masato as Takagai Eiji Nishimura Misaki as Tsubaki Tanaka Hiroki as Sayo / Tenkokumaru Mizuki Momoko as Nazuna Araki Miyu as Yukinashi Matsuda Misato as Fuji Oobaya Chieri as Kaki Tsubata Maruyama Raiden as Gedomaru (Old) Ogura Erika as Ayame Ishiibe Yuichi as Mibu Taigoku Takeda Tomohiro as Sunayama Ukon Ensemble: Umeda Shohei, Oda Shunpei, Uruhata Mirai, and Soga Kaoru

NON-SPOILER REVIEW

Overall: Unfortunately my gut instinct that I got before the show started, turned out to be true: This didn’t live up to past ASSH stages, and this is the first ASSH stage that I’ve been somewhat disappointed in them. This play is still very good: great acting, great characters; the stage, the costumes, the music are all beautiful; and the comedy is very good and had a lot of the audience laughing really loudly.... I was especially in love with the background of the stage this time around, and I thoroughly enjoyed the falling cherry blossom petals that we got throughout the play too. One of my favourite scenes is a ‘in the river/lake’ scene; the sound work during that scene was great. And I also loved the Ryo vs Sho fight scene too! BUT the story didn’t have anything new or surprising. I felt the character introductions were too long (it’s something we’ve seen a billion times, no need to explain who’s fighting against each other etc.), and that they were trying to fit in too many story lines -- There are like 6 or 7 storylines in this and at least 2 of them have nothing to do with one another. Upon my second rewatch, you could’ve easy cut out the 3 - 5 characters who were part of this Women’s Only Fight Club, and that would’ve made the story stronger and would’ve cut the play down by about 20 - 30 minutes (the play is 2 hours and 25 minutes!) -- which we could’ve used to develop other character’s relationships. A thing I can’t blame them for is, I went on Shonichi (the very first performance) so of course it’s not going to look or be perfect. But in the first show, their fight scenes and choreography was very slow. But luckily at the Friday night show, their movements were much more refined and the speed was up and I could really appreciate some moments. Personally, this stage would’ve flourished more if they’d either: A. cut a storyline out, OR B. cut out about 2-3 characters, OR C. cut the introductions down, in order to make it a tighter show. I’m still hoping for a third stage though but it would be nice to have Sayo/Tenkokumaru as the main this time and not as the Storyteller as he has been the past 2 times. Rating: 6/10

*

SPOILER REVIEW

STORY:

So we follow Gedomaru and the Young Boy around on their travels when they end up at a village where someone recognises Gedomaru. Soon, they are ambushed by a group of girls who claim that Gedo is the reason for their mother's death and that they are out to avenge them. All the while, the Young Boy is curious as to how he and his father met, so Gedo recites how. Soon enough Gedo realises that the group of girls' mothers had a part to play in that part of his history and the stories begin to entwine.

The backdrop to Gedo and Byakko's meeting is in the middle of two warring states (which are coloured Green and Orange). But in order to create peace, one side, Green, sends their daughter to be married to the other, but the other side (Orange) had other mischievous plans in mind.

COMMENTS

☆ I absolutely adored the background this time around. They made it look like the starry sky and had lots of glitter on it! It was so beautiful!

☆ I also loved what they did with the lighting! Depending on which side of the war we were on, the lights were either more green/blue, or more orange/red.

☆ The sound was great too! There is a scene where two characters are in a river and the timing of their movements with accurate water sounds were perfect! The music itself was great! Some tracks I could recall being in the first play too so it felt very familiar and nostalgic at times, especially some of the fighting and high tension(?) songs/tracks.

☆ Once again, Oguri (along with Sho this time) did the choreography for the fighting scenes! You could tell they were the more skilled ones, because the fight between them two (compared to everyone else') was so tense and so high speed and their movements were much more fluid. I really enjoyed one specific move Hiroki did too. It was when the Girl Gang attacks them and he does this move where, in order to stop/block the person behind him, the wings his sword around and behind him without even looking where his target is! And I thought it was hella cool. I also really enjoyed the choreography with the two Ninjas, they had lots of high kicks, lots of slides, lots of cartwheels etc. which I enjoyed watching (as an ex-gymnast myself).

But I will say, on the first day, all the fight scenes were very slow. You could tell it was their first performance, because there were a lot of minor slip ups, and it wasn't perfect, and it looked very, very clunky and slow. But on my second viewing (which was the 5th show), they had drastically improved and I could see how fast and how comfortable they had gotten with the fights.

☆ Of course I thoroughly enjoyed the acting! There were some moments and some characters that really stood out.

☆ BUT, and this is a big butt, I didn't really enjoy the antagonist this time around. I don't know why but I found the bad guy very 1D and very bland. I don't even have a specific reason why. But he felt very much like an after thought; it felt like he was put in at the last minute because 'damn we need a big bad guy'. I'm not sure how to describe it. But, let me tell you his arc: So he's on one side of the warring states, the Orange side, and he's very much ready to fight and battle with the other side til one of them is standing. But agrees to take their sister and 'marry her'. But as soon as she's in his hands, he holds her hostage and eventually kills her. He then starts a big battle against the other side. But when his henchmen go against him, he doesn't hesitate to kill them, even though he was having a sexual relationship with one of them. To stop him advancing, the Greens and Byakki team up and defeat him. His arc and his story takes up like 10% of the entire play. He's killed off about 30 - 40 minutes before the end (or at least felt like that) so.... I don't really understand WHY he was chosen as the 'antagonist'. This play could've very easily stood well on it's own without him. We could've cut his stage appearance out completely and just had people discussing him and it would've had the same amount of impact. Maybe I missed something but I personally didn't find him compelling or interesting. In fact, I was more interested in his daughter's story.

☆ His daughter, Sumika, has ran away and gone into hiding because she holds the power of seeing the future when she sleeps. She believes she's cursed, and because of her power, she believes she's to blame for everything bad that has happened and now she's on the run, because both her father and the Greens are trying to find and capture her (for different reasons). She finds Byakki via one of her dreams and manages to track him down; she begs Byakki to kill her. But he refuses, twice. Her journey is basically questions why she was born, why she has these powers, and finding solace in Byakki who has also been ostracised for his 'abnormality'. I loved her and Byakki's relationship! And there's a scene where the Ninjas track her down and Byakki defends her, but once he's taken too many blows, she gets in the middle of them and yells 'he's not a monster! He's a human just like us!' and it really hit me in the feels.

☆ Another character I thoroughly enjoyed was Nadeshiko. She was played by Hanaoka (and if you remember, I absolutely loved her in Zigoma!) who is just one of the funniest women I know. Her comedy and the way she delivers her comedy is always so spot on and so well done! She has the perfect balance of being cutesy-funny and then switching to a 'deep-voice' funny. She's also not afraid to make fun of herself or her fellow actors. She had some GOLD comedy moments in this.

☆ There was a cast change with Young Gedomaru... I have to admit, I was not happy the first time around. I felt like there was a complete change in his personality compared to the first version we saw of him. But then I saw how much laughter he was getting from the audience and how much the audience accepted him. Also this is set before the events of the first stage so of course he'd be a bit less mature, and more child-like and would have a more happy, positive view on things, so then I came around to this new Gedomaru and I just enjoyed his upon my second viewing. He is very funny and is another main source, besides Nadeshiko, of the audience's laughter and the comedy. He falls in love with Sumika straight away and vows to protect her. Also his stubbornness of wanting to win against Byakki so much. It's both admirable and stupid at the same time, and Byakki feels the same. But fighting against each other is what tightens and strengthens their relationship.

☆ Sumika was really cute. I loved how quiet and how pleasant she was. But she was also going through a tough time and kept it to herself which proved how strong she was. She was also determined about dying while also showing how vulnerable and scared she was which was beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed her relationship with Byakki too. BUT I really wish we'd removed a character or a storyline or two so we could've expanded other scenes and relationships like this one. I would've loved an extra 20 or so minutes with Sumika and Byakki building a relationship, because it felt very much like: They met -> he protects her in a fight or two -> crying and super sad because he has to kill her -> End. It felt very rushed and I couldn't get emotional about the scene at all! So I would've appreciated it more and would've been more invested if we'd actually spent time to develop their relationship and feelings.

ALSO! The entire show I was like: Yo is this Young Boy's mother?! Are we finally finding out who she is?! But alas, she dies in the end so we're still left wondering who tf his mother is!! Grrrrr. We better be getting a third stage to finally answer that god damn question!

☆ Also on the topic of Young Boy and Hiroki; I was so pissed he was playing the story telling again! He was barely in the stage because he was only needed when we were in the present or hoovering over some of the past scenes. COME ON! GIVE HIM THE LEAD ROLE HE DESERVES! I was disappointed we got him as the Story Teller again -__-

☆ In this we got to meet Gedomaru's older brother! Who is a priest at a temple. I loved how much obvious love he had for his brother, but also allowed his brother to grow independently and learn from his mistakes. I thoroughly adored the last scene with him where he tells Gedo that he's going back to the temple and accepts that Gedo will be going off with Byakki, and his last line is something like 'you know you can always come back to your home at the temple' which was really sweet. But now there's the mystery as to what happened to his brother, because in the present Young Boy asks 'how's your brother now?' and Gedo replies very vaguely like 'it's best if we don't meet again.' so I'm like super suspicious! What happened to his brother?! I hope he gets killed and Gedo goes on a manic revenge spree or something that Byakki has to save him from! Ohhhh that'd be good!!

☆ Towards the end of the play, we get sakura / cherry blossom petals falling down from the ceiling and oh my did it look beautiful! It was such a beautiful touch and I am so glad they added it into the stage because it's so emotionally and visually beautiful! I know it's such a simple thing and it IS used in so many stages, but every time, I can't not appreciate it!!

Now I want to get into the negatives in detail for a moment.

☆ For me this was their weakest stage so far. I've always been so impressed with their stages, and I had a feeling this one wouldn't quite hack it, and unfortunately, I was right.

☆ For me, I didn't find anything surprising or new in this stage. I am so used to ASSH taking a simple story and just having them put in such surprises that my mind is blown by the end of the story. But I feel they played it very safe in this one. There were no surprises, and nothing new. Also ASSH are known to be brutal with their killing off of characters but no one major died. No one's death was really that surprising or emotionally hurt.

I will admit that Sumika's death was impressive but that was all thanks to the actress' skills. She first gets her ear cut off and her scream during that moment is just pure gold and absolutely amazing voice and physical acting! But in terms of WHO died, there were no high stakes at all. Like ASSH have killed of WHOLE casts before!! Now that's theatre! That's drama! That's WOW! But this one was just ... safe.

☆ I also felt that even though the story was very stereotypical: two warring states/kingdoms and their daughters getting caught up in the shit shit, yet I spent we OVER-spent time introducing the war and who was on who's side. I seriously think you could've completely cut out the two leaders and just had his underlings talking about him. I felt the presence of the two big leaders were unnecessary and you could've easily just had them AS spoken characters -- I hope you understand what I mean: they could've just been talked ABOUT rather than actually getting actors and having them physically onstage.

☆ They also spent a whole scene dedicated to the three Girl Gang members and explaining their tragic past and why they joined this group. You could've cut out both of these parts.

☆ There were also too many story lines. Let me break down the groups and relationships:

Present Day:

(1) Old Gedo with Young Boy, eventually Old Nadeshiko joining. (2) Girl Gang: out for Revenge on Gedo because of what happened to their mothers.

Past Day:

(1) Orange Clan: We have the Leader who's marrying Green's girl but ultimately wanting to battle, and absolutely hates his daughter and trying to track her down thanks to his ninja henchmen. His henchmen are slowly questioning their leader's leadership, sanity and motives. (2) Green Clan: Just wants a peaceful land, sends daughter to marry Orange so they can have a peaceful, political agreement. After the daughter gets killed, they try and find Sumika for either help or entrapment. (3) Girl Gang (4) Nadeshiko and Sumika on the run and trying to find Byakki. (5) Byakumaru bumping into Gedo, becoming spar buddies and eventually friends. (6) Gedo and his brother: Out on their travels and find Byakki and won't leave until Gedo defeats Byakki. (7) Sumika and Byakki: After finding Byakki, she really wants him to kill her so her powers can stop. (8) Gedo falls for Sumika at first sight and now sees Byakki as a love and fighting rival.

As you can see... there is just too much. This stage/story would've benefited if they had either: cut 2 or 3 characters out, OR cut one story line out completely. Upon my second watch, I realised that there is literally NO POINT to the Girl Gang at all (besides gender equality and girls can fight too and being a conflict to present Gedo), so I think they should've cut them characters out completely. Also physically cutting out the two leaders and having them only in the dialogue would've saved a lot of time too.

☆ This play is 2 hours 35 minutes long. If they had cut out the parts I wanted, this could've been under 2 hours. AND if they really wanted, they could've used that extra time to actually DEVELOP relationships between the remaining characters. I have no problem giving that time to Gedo and Byakki, or Byakki and Sumika! We need their development in this story in all honesty! And thinking about it, to say Byakki is the same character, he's in it almost a little as Young Boy is! He's barely in the stage compared to some many other characters.

☆ Also I went there for Hiroki and his has the smallest part... again! He's playing the story teller... again! So of course my bias heart is sad about this! I really thought we were going to get HIS story this time around! I really thought we were going to find out who his mother was this time around! But alas, this stage was set in the past and he's just a bystander again *cries* I really hope we get a third stage and that he's main next time!

*

Don't get me wrong, this is still a solid play, with amazing acting and lots of great characters. Also it has a lot of charm, a lot of amazing scene and nice moments, some great lines, some very funny parts. However, this was just their weakest one for me. 'Safe' is definitely the word to describe this play. I am still hopeful and wanting a third stage! But seriously, if the next stage is not about Hiroki and his mother, I swear to god! xD Anyway, thanks for reading as usual!

[anais-mitchell]

Philip Tour 12/29/18 Evening, Ft. Lauderdale

This show was so incredible. We were seated in the very back row of orchestra left, but the Broward theater really isn’t that big so we had a good view. Not really close enough to see faces but still decent. I’ll put this under a read more because it will probably get long!

Angelica Tour Review

Alexander Hamilton: Very good! It’s been said to death but the choreography is just so cool. I’ve heard criticisms of Nik for looking proud when saying “I’m the damn fool that shot him” but either he toned it down or I was too far away to see clearly.

Aaron Burr, Sir: Nik and Joseph just are such a good Burr and Hamilton together. I’m not sure if this is always the case but they were chatting while the squad introductions were going on rather than watching. Nik looked very offended by “what’ll you fall for?”

My Shot: LOVED Joseph here. He had so much energy and you could really feel that he was inspiring the guys and was so excited to finally share all his ideas and goals. Nik was very funny in his little bit, but Fergie had me CRACKING UP with his coat flourish; he like put his leg up on the table on pointe and it was ridiculously funny. King definitely showed Laurens’s shit stirring angry nature with the rise up bit, and Joseph had such a great buildup from Hamilton’s quiet self doubt to being emboldened by his ideals and new friends.

The Story of Tonight: This really revived the Lams shipper in me not gonna lie it was Gay. At one point they were like staring into each others eyes and Lafayette and Mulligan had to physically pull them apart and Kyle was like “eyes over here” with his fingers, definitely calling them out for checking each other out lol. They also were very touchy-feely walking off together. Anyways their voices were excellent and you could feel the camaraderie very well.

The Schuyler Sisters: YESS so much fun. Nyla was sufficiently sassy and Jen definitely reminded me of Solea with her excitedness and expressiveness. Her voice is just so clear and pretty I’m in love? Ta’Rea was also so over it with Burr and really went for it on her bit.

Farmer Refuted: Joseph is so tiny and angry it made me laugh. At “my dog speaks more eloquently than thee” King and Fergie (I think? Two of the Sons of Liberty) like got on each other’s back and mimicked dogs humping or something it was sooo funny. Also this confirms my theory that Eliza is definitely in character watching Alexander in the wings, she looked so entertained and giggled a little when she was pulled away by Angelica.

You’ll Be Back: Jon Patrick Walker is a pretty funny king.

Right Hand Man: This number is genuinely really underrated the ensemble choreography is so fucking cool. Marcus definitely commands the stage as Washington and really conveyed his frustration. Joseph and Marcus played off each other very well, Hamilton was definitely very inspired and reverential of Washington. Nik was all ruffled after being sent off by Washington.

A Winter’s Ball: Nik was super pissed at the beginning and very “wtf how does this guy do it,” which was kinda his attitude towards Hamilton the whole show. Laurens and Hamilton were also hanging off each other a ton at the start of this number.

Helpless: Okay so this was a definite highlight of the show!! Jen freaking killed it I was so so impressed. She had such a huge crush it was adorable, she was basically gushing to the audience and Angelica. She looked genuinely shocked when Hamilton looked back at her and like she had butterflies as he was walking over. Nyla did a super cute “look I have your letter!” dance on “one week later..” and both Joseph and Jen had the cutest victory dances. But ugh Hamilton’s bit KILLED me Eliza was so excited to spend her life with this dork and he cupped her face on “but I’ll never forget my mother’s face that was real..” Their Hamliza just had no concept of personal space they were so close together and intimate. Her riffs were also 10/10 I can’t stress enough how pretty her voice is. He was cupping her face again after the wedding kiss and they just looked so in love and happy my heart could not take it their chemistry was insane.

Satisfied: Lmao King played Laurens as so drunk for the intro. Ta’Rea did a very good job, her conflict between her feelings for Hamilton and love for Eliza was expressed well. Her bridge was really sad and she almost sounded on the verge of tears, she also had some very good riffs on the end. I thought she was good but didn’t really do much to make it her own. I wish I had more to say but it was a pretty standard Satisfied imo.

The Story of Tonight- Reprise: Silly and fun all around for the first bit. Joseph and Nik genuinely seemed to be friends in this song, Nik’s “to be sure” was pretty heartfelt. Fergie twerked on Nik which was as perfect as it sounds.

Wait For It: I was surprised by how much I liked this. It was an interesting paradox between how Burr was singing about self restraint and waiting for it but was also really letting himself go and be taken by his passion. I wasn’t totally sold on his Burr at first but I thought this was so strong, there was a definite moment at the end where he kind realized how he had let his passion overtake him and straightened his jacket and settled back into his calm, collected demeanor. This is a super hard song to pull of convincingly and I was impressed.

Stay Alive: Quality all around. Marcus and Joseph continued to play off each other very well and Joseph seemed so pissed that he couldn’t fight Lee.

Ten Duel Commandments: Oh my god Burr was SO OVER IT it was really funny. He directed “you have him turn around so he can have deniability” straight to the doctor as in “dude, turn the fuck around!”

Meet Me Inside: I’m pretty sure Joseph accidentally said “Joe, we won!” instead of “Go, we won!” for some reason lol. He was very petulant with Washington and his “call me son one more time!” was so pissed.

That Would Be Enough: Heart eyes heart eyes heart eyes. Joseph was so full of wonder and amazement when her first saw Eliza’s pregnancy. Like I said, no concept of personal space between these two and it was perfect. I feel like Jen’s Eliza was less begging him to stay and more confident that he would; kinda as if she was just reminding him of their love which made “I’m not afraid, I know who I married” more poignant. They were extremely soft as the lights went down with him touching her belly and kissing her hand.

Guns and Ships: I hate talking negative because it really was a great show but this was a letdown. Kyle’s French accent is poor and when you combine that with how deep and thick his voice is the quick paced rapping was just not working for anyone in my party, especially after seeing Chris Lee in Atlanta. The Hamliza goodbye was very sweet and sad though. Jen was not happy for him to be leaving.

History Has Its Eyes on You: Marcus really brought it, you could tell he was haunted by his past and that Joseph really understood the gravity of what he was saying. These are also some of my favorite ensemble harmonies of the show.

Yorktown: Seriously fuck Florida audiences for the dead silence after “Immigrants, we get the job done.” It was so awkward. But this number is always incredible and this was no exception, Joseph fully inhabited Hamilton’s emotions and drive to win. Fergie’s rap was so energetic and perfect. While Marcus didn’t hit “not yet” as powerfully as Carvens, it was still very good.

What Comes Next?: The stamping on “I’m so blue” is always funny.

Dear Theodosia: Lovely. They sang together very well and were super optimistic and proud.

Laurens Interlude: Again the Lams was really emphasized. Joseph knew by “it’s from his father” and you could just see his grief. The look between them was very emotional, as was “I have so much work to do.”

Non-Stop: This song is totally driven by the Hamilton-Burr interactions and Joseph and Nik did it excellently. You really started to see Joseph’s ambition and confidence increase throughout the song and Nik continued his “wtf” reaction to everything Joseph did. Also, my new favorite moment in the show with both Nicholas Christopher and Nik Walker is “he’s just non-stop”; while Christopher was like fake smiling through gritted teeth, Walker was just so exasperated and basically saying to the audience “the fuck is he on about?” Both equally hilarious. You could definitely see Eliza starting to lose some faith in Hamilton at “would that be enough?” and she was super pissed in “Alexander” and “isn’t this enough?” They all really set up the Act 2 conflicts well in this song.

What’d I Miss?: Right away I preferred Kyle’s Jefferson to his Lafayette, although it still wasn’t anywhere near Chris Lee’s (but few are to be fair.) My dad thought he was late on some of his lines but I didn’t pick up on it. I don’t remember that many details but he was funny.

Cabinet Battle #1: Kyle was shamelessly high fiving and shaking hands with all the ensemble members before it started lol. His mic drop to Fergie got a lot of laughs. Joseph went really hard on his verse especially the slavery bit, and when he went after Madison he started having a coughing fit and Jefferson was slamming on his back to get it out which was hilarious. Their exit off the stage was so silly and funny too. Also Joseph is so much shorter than Kyle it is ridiculous. Bonus note, watching Burr’s reactions to the argument in the left balcony is almost as entertaining as the argument itself.

Take A Break: ELIZA LOVES PHILIP SO MUCH MY HEART COULDN’T TAKE IT. Her beatboxing was so “proud mama” and King had an adorable Philip rap. I really liked Ta’Rea and Joseph’s delivery of “my dearest, Angelica.” Jen’s Eliza was SO EXCITED to see her sister!! And the end just broke my heart because throughout the whole song Eliza seemed so confident that he would come with them and she was really sad when he didn’t. Jen’s journey as Eliza really had to do a lot with her gradual loss of faith in her husband and it was super heartbreaking.

Say No to This: Nyla played a very sympathetic Maria, you definitely got the vibe that she was being pimped out and wasn’t lying about “beating me, cheating me, mistreating me.” Joseph was so angry at her but eventually gave in and had some pretty intense “yes” moans lmao. Nyla slayed the high note too. 

The Room Where it Happens: By this point you could tell Joseph’s confidence was at a point where he really felt Burr was beneath him and somehow Burr was so confused as to how this had happened. Nik really put on a show in this number and his big revelation moment was electrifying. (Side not, I never understand why this moment gets laughs??) He tore up the stage towards the end and really hammered home the shift in Burr’s character. I said this was the highlight of my Atlanta show by far, and while it wasn’t the same level here, it still was amazing.

Schuyler Defeated: Nik was super self satisfied here and all “who’s better than who NOW hmm?”

Cabinet Battle #2: Good all around. I thought Joseph was really funny.

Washington on Your Side: The way Burr came out was so freaking funny, he had this goofy smile on and was doing this stupid little dance like “ooh yes lets bond over hating Hamilton.” They were all very intent on taking him down and conniving.

One Last Time: Y’ALL THIS WAS EXCELLENTT. I loved the way Joseph played off of Marcus but this number was all Marcus. He was so ready to rest while also trying to secure his legacy and his voice was incredible in the end. 

I Know Him: Definitely the funniest King song of the night. His “WHAT” and “I KNOW HIM!!!” were hilarious.

The Adams Administration: BURR WAS DANCING WITH THE KING AT THE BEGINNING IN SUCH A SILLY PETTY WAY IT WAS SO GOOD. Joseph was just straight up pissed at Adams and his whole attitude was very “fuck it.”

We Know: Yeah Joseph panicked a lot and was very defensive. I think he was also really shocked that Burr had allied with Jefferson and Madison. Eliza and Philip in the balcony was a sad touch.

Hurricane: Ugh incredible. The lighting and choreography of this number >>>>. Joseph still seemed overly confident that he was making the right decision and he totally delivered on the intense emotions. 

The Reynolds Pamphlet: As soon as the bass dropped you could see Eliza pull out a paper in the balcony and walk off. All the different reactions were super well done. Philip looked so upset and he first ran off after “his own house? Damn,” but at the mention of “our children” he turned back and had this heartbroken look and then ran off again. Jefferson and the king were having the time of their lives lol, and Washington looked very disappointed. Ta’Rea barely even let him touch her before she pulled away. She was so angry and sad at the same time. There was an interesting touch I’d never seen before where Joseph tried to put his hands like around her waist after “God, I hope you’re satisfied” and she shoved him away.

Burn: I feel like people get so caught up in Eliza’s anger that they forget how sad this song really is. She started off just devastated and totally at rock bottom, in utter disbelief with all her faith in her husband gone. Her “you, you, you” was just totally heart wrenching and then she had that moment of clarity where her emotions totally shifted to anger. Her burn notes weren’t as strong as they could have been but she totally made up with the emotion. The best part was the ending though, she was so icy on “I hope that you burn,” but then you saw her anger melt away and she was just left with that total sadness again. Jen was so so so good and I’m in love with her voice.

Blow Us All Away: Philip definitely inherited his unearned confidence from his father. Joseph seemed like he didn’t take it seriously enough and kinda just trusted it would all blow over. At the duel itself, King played Philip as more confident than nervous.

Stay Alive- Reprise: UGHH everyone brought it so hard here. Joseph was so utterly panicked and upset running into the doctor, the doctor was basically holding him back and he just sprinted to Philip. King very much played Philip as actively dying, he was sobbing and choking out words which I like so much more than “Philip is brave and pushing through it!!” because the kid is DYING he should be upset and terrified that this happened. Jen was in so much shock but she went for it so hard with the scream my heart shattered. You could see Joseph’s world just crash down around him as Eliza ripped her hand away and he realized all he’d lost.

It’s Quiet Uptown: @picquery did a much better job explaining Joseph in this song than I ever could, but he was really good. I wish I had been closer to see his faces better, but you could just see that his whole world and self concept had been completely demolished. This is where Joseph’s emphasis on Hamilton’s confidence up until this point and Jen’s emphasis of Eliza’s decreasing faith in Hamilton intersected beautifully. Hamilton really realized how wrong he had been in everything and how he really didn’t deserve Eliza but wanted her so badly. Watching Jen’s attempt to hold onto her anger but slowly letting it fade away as she fell back in love with Hamilton was so emotional. When she took his hand, they just stared at each other for so long; Joseph was just reveling in her forgiveness that he knew he didn’t deserve and Jen was just allowing herself to feel his love again. This is where their total lack of personal space came back and they were just so close together, they didn’t break eye contact until they left the stage and it was just transcendent.

The Election of 1800: God what a transition lol. Nik played it as if he was disappointed that Hamilton wasn’t initially warm to him rather than jumping right in with the cheesiness. Still, he looked very confident that Hamilton would endorse him and vice versa for Jefferson. Joseph was definitely itching to get back into politics which was very frustrating to see after It’s Quiet Uptown. I thought the ending between Jefferson and Burr was very funny, probably my fave Kyle moment of the show.

Your Obedient Servant: Nik was so shocked at the results of the election; it was almost like he had shown dominance or something over Hamilton in Act 2 and that would make Hamilton respect him when the opposite was true. He was very angry while Hamilton was more self righteous and unapologetic.

Best of Wives, Best of Women: Cute :((

The World Was Wide Enough: You could definitely feel that Nik didn’t want it to come to this but was gritting his teeth and doing it. Joseph’s monologue was definitely my favorite part of his performance, the choreography mirroring My Shot is so poignant and he conveyed this whole feeling of he had finally matured and realized what mattered and just wanted more time with Eliza. “Eliza, my love..” made me cry. Still my favorite moment in the whole show. Nik’s regret was super powerful.

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: Jen carried this so well. Her Eliza was so strong and desperate to preserve Hamilton’s legacy while also making the world a better place. “The orphanage” hit me so hard, the fact that Eliza lost her child and then helped raise hundreds more... Jen expressed this fully. Her reunion with Hamilton pulled on the heartstrings and she had the perfect gasp at the end.

Joseph Morales as Alexander Hamilton: We been knew he’s the best of the best and he was such a joy to see live. He brings so much energy and determination to Hamilton but isn’t afraid to show the uglier sides of him. Like I said, his Hamilton’s arc is really about the rise and fall of confidence and realizing what truly matters; his wife and family. He had amazing chemistry with everyone with whom he interacted but especially Jen, Nik, Marcus, and King. His singing and rapping is impeccable as well and so emotive. I was actually really surprised that my dad wasn’t as much of a fan as he was of Edred.

Jen Sese as Eliza Hamilton: Soo it’s no secret that I adore Shoba Narayan and she was the cast member I was most excited to see, so my heart did drop a little when I saw she was out. But let me say Jen Sese stole my heart!! She gave a near perfect performance as Eliza. Just for starters, she has this beautiful crystal clear almost soprano voice that just soars through the theater. I feel like she would be a killer Natasha or Cosette. I was so impressed by her Act 1 that I wasn’t sure if she’d be able to pull off the emotion of Act 2 but she absolutely did. Her Eliza’s journey was all about faith in both her husband and herself and she sold everything Eliza felt perfectly. She was the perfect Eliza to Joseph’s Hamilton, so grounded and supportive while also being firm and powerful. Her Eliza reminded me of both Solea and Shoba in the best ways. I could absolutely see her taking over this role or even either other sister after departures. I can’t say enough good things about her honestly.

Nik Walker as Aaron Burr: I was surprised by how much I liked him? Almost everyone I’ve heard review him had negative opinions but I thought his Burr was so different and engaging. Something about his Wait For It worked sooo well for me. His humor also worked for me and I loved his revelation moment in Room. I think his Burr was all about being respected and proving himself to carry on his parents’ legacy; it was very sad to see him fail to do so.

Ta’Rea Campbell as Angelica Schuyler: She did everything a good Angelica needs to do. Her bridge in Satisfied and her Reynolds Pamphlet were definitely two highlights of the show, and she had some killer riffs. I do wish she had done a bit more to make the role her own but she definitely played Angelica well.

Marcus Choi as George Washington: He gave a really excellent performance. His interactions with Joseph’s Hamilton were so good and his One Last Time almost brought me to tears, audios definitely do not do him justice because he is so much better live. He’s definitely secured his place as one of my favorite Washingtons.

Kyle Scatliffe as Lafayette/Jefferson: I don’t know if it was the fact that I saw Chris Lee (inarguably the best Laf/Jeff) in Atlanta or what, but his performance sadly did not do much for me. His French accent was Bad and he definitely lacked the rapping abilities to pull off Guns and Ships. I did like his Jefferson a bit more, he was sufficiently funny and had some really great moments such as the end of Election of 1800, but he was just not one of the highlights of the night. I think he’s much more suited to a role like Enjolras that’s more singing heavy, and he definitely had charisma as Lafayette but somehow he just feels miscast.

Fergie L. Phillipe as Mulligan/Madison: His Mulligan was perfection. He had the big booming voice of Oak but totally added some of his own flourishes and gave all the energy. I also thought his Madison was excellent and played really well off of Kyle’s Jefferson.

King David Jones as Laurens/Philip: I have really, really enjoyed what I’ve heard of Elijah’s L/P, so when I saw he was out I kinda resigned myself to a mediocre L/P performance as I have yet to see a really good L/P cover. Boy was I wrong!! King was so surprisingly good!!! His Laurens was definitely shit stirring, angry, reckless, and ready to lay down his life for what he believed in. He and Joseph were VERY strong in the Lams department which is something I definitely missed in Atlanta. Like they definitely fucked after Story of Tonight lol. I also enjoyed his Philip a lot. He oozed swagger and confidence in Blow Us All Away but his Stay Alive Reprise was SO heartbreaking because he was full on sobbing and could barely get words out. You really got the feeling of how much pain he was in and how scared he was of dying which a lot of L/P’s fail to deliver on. One of the biggest surprises of the show for me personally.

Nyla Sostre as Peggy/Maria: This is honestly a thankless role, but she did all she could with it. Her Peggy was super sassy in Schuyler Sisters and excited for Eliza in Helpless/Satisfied, and like I said, she played a very sympathetic Maria with a killer voice. She looked so betrayed and upset when reading the Reynolds Pamphlet.

And that’s that! All in all I am glad I saw the cast I did, they told the story perfectly. I didn’t stagedoor because I actually could not find it, I asked like three different ushers and they all gave me different directions and we were all so exhausted by then that we just went home. I’d be happy to answer any other questions about the show or specific actors!