#shit I also love weed man but I got a crazy good job I can’t jeapordize it for a guy who is so presumptuous and pushy

[oglegoggle]

Invited a guy I’ve been casually flirting with to a concert in September. Free ticket & a single night in the hotel I booked because I thought he’s cute. He immediately sprung to come visit three days before the concert. Expecting me to pay for his hotel for the extra days, when I told him I couldn’t take off work that long but he could come stay at my place at work for a couple extra nights he immediately started complaining about not being able to smoke weed here and edibles not being effective for him. I told him that him smoking weed here would jeopardize my job and if smoking weed takes priority over spending time with me I’ll invite someone else to the concert and he immediately told me he never wanted to speak to me again. Like….. okay? Bye??

[blondrichclosetwitch]

Your eyes couldn't hide anything

You were wrong when you said everything's gonna be alright

You were right when you said this is the end

You lie for a moment, you lie as a decoy

Sittin on the stand with no remorse

Be creepin wit mad demons

Blood rushin, concussions

Y’all can’t see this but this might be the night

Chloe don’t know better, Chloe’s just like me

Dreams like this must die

And everyone has a heart and it’s calling for something, and we’re all so sick and tired of seeing things as they are, and everyone is hidden and everyone is cruel, there’s no shortage of tyrants and no shortage of fools

And the little white shape dancing at the end of the hall is just a wish that time can’t dissolve at all:

“Well, there are some things too hard to explain but my baby’s coming home.”

And I realized

How many paths have crossed between us

This story is old, I know—but it goes on

Sounds like today’s a good day for a tape

It seems to make you laugh each time I cry

Annie

Well its been ten years or maybe more since I first laid eyes on you

Come and play the tunes of glory

Raise your voice in celebration

And learn the meaning of existence in fortnightly instalments

Come share this golden age with me in my single room apartment

Oh and I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it

Now they expected to control us (these aren’t the words but they’re what I thought the words were for 30 years )

“Oh, come on make it up yourself. And I promise I won't tell this to anybody else in the world but you.”

I ain’t had a job for a year or more, I don’t own a thing

Holy law and money, their intentions are tall

We smoke and talk in my room

Maybe I'm crazy

Or maybe you know

But I've got this feeling it’s all about to blow

So we go from year to year with secrets we’ve been keeping

“Yes, Jackie.” (there’s actually a French man named jacky on the wall who died last year)

Cameras on the microphone

I knew you was conflicted

Light my fire

Holy junkie

Funky monkey

He don't want to play that game

He gotta play that game

What will you ever do when you blow a fuse?

Sooner or later you’ve gotta get down and sing

I’m the siren that you hear

I’m churnin out novels like beat poetry on amphetamines

I’ve got feathers in my hair

They judge me

Brooklyn Babies

Yeah then I saw love disfigure me into something I am not recognizing

“See the cage.”

I will not open myself this way again.

All all you folks, you come to see; you just stand there looking at me…and I could kill you.

“I know there’s a way that we can make ‘em pay.”

“We never lost control.”(this stuck out like a sore thumb today)

When I’m in trouble I know she’ll go with me until the end; everybody asks me how I know I smile at them and say “she told me so.”

Don’t get high on what you create, oh it just might steal ya

Cocaine cocaine cocaine ALL DAY, Jesus, ok quick lecture: we’ve Got an overdose coming, so you better pull your shit together and now the lyrics: buzzing all the time, just one hit and I feel great….we promise we won’t tell.

Music is your only friend; until the end.

We can’t stop is the song that was playing Dec 30 2017 when fake katie told me I needed to “party” even tho I’d been sober a year, and when I asked with what, she responded “coke and ecstasy”. That was the longest & most severe drug addiction I ever had and I hope I never see it again, and sometime in 2018 while high out of my Mind after realizing I’d been duped, wrote, “blond got me hooked on cocaine” on my wall next to an exchange between me and my ex-therapist that said “I’m in a boat with drugs and ritual and voices”, and her response “do something with it or get a new boat”…so I did. It just took awhile. In the words of our friend the pot dealer “smoke weed, dude.”

Also don’t trick people into cocaine addictions by pretending to be their dead niece, maybe? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t bother saying you’re sorry(though you having your henchmen leave wrapped drinking straws everywhere so I’d be reminded of my addiction was super shitty IMHO)

You are the habit I can’t seem to kick

And like a car crash I can see but I just can’t avoid

Like a plane I’ve been told I never should board (Steel, RIP)

Oh right that song about a girl you’re obsessed with that you never talk to, twice in one day

“When you hit the ground, it’s an awful sound.” Speak to us of this expertise. After all it’s played three times in 24 hours. On three different playlists.

A yo there’s poison in that gumbo

I know your secrets, bitches

[emotionallyits2009]

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :) 

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010. 

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The  professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on. 

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

[psychdelia]

max showed up on his doorstep with blotchy red cheeks and puffy wet eyes, board discarded on his lawn as she pounded on the door with her free hand, holding a shoebox in the other.

“okay, okay!” steve called out as he rushed downstairs. “i’m coming! jeez.” he huffed as he opened the door, ready to bark out a what, shithead? because who else would show up to his place and pound on his door for a minute straight?

except his mouth snaps shut when he sees her shivering in the winter cold and cheeks still damp. it’s been about 4 months since billy died and he hadn’t seen max in this state for a couple months now. he thought things were getting better.

maybe not.

“max.” he frowned. “what’s wrong? what happened? are you okay? are you hurt?” he asked, the panic in his tone increasing with each question.

she just shoved the box into his hands, giving him a determined look. so similar to billy’s. too similar.

“i found this in his room.” he can hear the suppressed tremble in her voice as she fights the urge to cry again. “i never gave it you because i thought maybe,” she frowns, looking down. “maybe he-“ she lets out a shaky breath. “but he never came back so it’s yours now.”

then a switch is flipped and she’s suddenly glaring up at him, yet another expression too similar to billy’s.

“you can’t tell anyone.” she clenches her shaking fists. “if you tell anyone what you find in there i swear to god steve i’ll hurt you.” her upper lip is twitching into a snarl and steve is genuinely scared of this little fiery teenager.

“jesus, max,” he sighs. “first of all, you two are way too goddamn similar for not being blood related.” he ruffles her hair with a free hand. “second of all, you can’t just tell me what’s in here?”

“no.” she shakes her head as she bats his hand away. “just,” she plays with the hem of her jacket nervously. “just keep an open mind.” she frowns. “we’re not from here. things are... different back home.” her shoulders sag a little and he can tell she misses home. misses life before hawkins. “promise you won’t tell anyone?” she looks back up at him.

he frowns as he stares at the box in his hand before nodding. “promise.”

“good.” she nods. she rubs harshly at her face with her sleeve before turning away to walk to the lawn.

“you need a ride?” he calls as she grabs her board. chuckles when she rolls her eyes, tosses back an i can get myself around, steve. then a quick thanks, though. see you around. then she’s taking off.

steve practically sprints up to his room after that. sets this mystery converse box down in front of him on the bed as he sits, unsure of what to expect. maybe porn mags? weed stash? who knows.

so, naturally, he dumps it all out on the bed. stares at the pile of magazines, books, seashells, pictures, papers. the first thing he grabs are the magazines, expecting to see a half naked chick on the cover. he freezes when he finds a half naked man instead, clad in leather.

drummer. drummer. drummer. all of these are the same magazines, different issues with different men. he wonders if they’re targeted towards women, but then he’s opening them up and finding men... with other men. figures maybe hargrove had been holding onto them for someone else because there’s no way in hell these are his. no, no, no. that boy was straight as hell. loved to show off a different girl hanging off his arm every week, made shows of flirting with both girls and women.

but then he’s grabbing a polaroid dated 1983 and it’s billy with shorter hair and fuller cheeks kissing another boy with a big smile and lovesick dopey look on his face.

holy shit. this can’t be real. billy hargrove wasn’t gay. he couldn’t be. he was the womanizer, ladykiller, heartbreaker of hawkins. he loved women and they loved him 10 times more. none of this makes sense.

he grabs the journal next, the leather on the cover worn and threadbare. the first entry is dated from 1983 and the last just a couple weeks before starcourt. right before he got possessed.

steve sets the journal aside, opts to look at the other pictures and items billy had stashed away before he reads about the last three years of the guy’s life. there are a couple pictures of a blonde woman with striking resemblance to billy, the same saint christopher pendant and thick silver ring billy wore present around her neck and finger. some of them feature billy when he was a baby, toddler, kid. he finds jewelry that seems feminine, womanly. figures they must’ve been his mom’s.

there are also some california souvenirs. he finds seashells and movie, concert tickets that read “san diego” on the top. there are also some books steve remembers he was supposed to have read or heard about in school, but also some more he never heard of.

at the very bottom of the box he finds expired makeup and empty hair product. there’s black and dark blue eyeliner and mascara, baby pink lip gloss. nail polish in black, dark red and a deep purple. in some polaroids, the slight sheen of the gloss and his dark, thick lashes are barely visible, but he still catches it.

steve can’t help but chuckle when he finds some candy wrappers and leftover weed grinds at the bottom of the box alongside the butts of joints and empty cigarette packs. marlboro reds. there’s scrunchies, too. shimmery and purple, probably stolen from max.

once’s he’s finished digging through hargrove’s secret belongings, he leans back and sticks his nose in the journal. it takes him the rest of the day and all night to read it from cover to cover.

the beginning is mostly about missing his mom and hating his father, documenting his abuse. there are a few pages about his crushes and boyfriends, allowing him to figure out that the boy he was kissing in the polaroid is named santiago, but billy calls him santi. once he reaches the end of san diego and beginning of hawkins, billy’s tone and messy scrawl is full of hurt, anger, and melancholy.

and then steve’s name pops up. KING STEVE in all caps, taking up nearly half the page. there are hearts around his name, alongside a big drawing of a dick. below, billy writes about feeling like a foolish schoolboy with some stupid crush on some guy with a huge dick he saw in the showers. steve’s already blushing and it only deepens when he gets to the part about billy wanting to feel said dick in his hand, his mouth, inside of him.

he has to take a break after that. doesn’t realize things only get spicier until he gets back to reading and finds out billy’s jerked off and fingered himself open to the thought of none other than king steve. his eyes immediately flick to the half empty jar of vaseline, finger-shaped holes indenting the jelly.

he spends the rest of the night reading about billy’s remorse and guilt towards him and lucas after that night, how billy still wants to hop on his dick and kiss him stupid, his and max’s relationship and how it’s gotten better even though they still blame each other for the move.

it’s both of their faults, steve realizes. billy missed his curfew for a boy and max had no choice but to lead neil to him.

along the way to the end, a couple pictures of steve fall out of the journal. pictures that steve has no idea how billy acquired. some are from school yearbooks, others just random polaroids that might’ve been taken by tommy or carol or jonathan. when he finally reaches the end, he reads about billy’s pool job and plans fo move back to california for college as soon as he graduates.

i know it’s stupid but i’m gonna miss him. his stupid hair and big brown eyes and pretty face and pink lips. i didn’t know anything about the guy but i wish i could drag him out of this shithole and take him home with me. i still haven’t apologized to him. maybe kidnapping him and showing him the ocean would count. but i can’t fall for a straight boy, no matter how big his cock is. i don’t get to fall for someone i hurt. it’s not fair. none of this is fair.

that’s the very last entry. it’s 1am and steve is wide awake. too awake. before he thinks too hard about what he’s doing, he’s shoving everything back into the box and flooring it to robin’s house. he knocks on her window incessantly until she opens it with a glare and he’s pushing his way inside before she can greet him with a snarl.

“billy hargrove was gay and in love with me and-and and jerked off to me and,,, pretended his fingers were mine and his dad was hurting him and his mom left and he was alone, robin.” he’s rambling, eyes wide as he paces the room with the box in his hands.

“he was s-so hurt and alone and no one paid any attention and now he’s dead because of a monster in some town he got dragged to as punishment for being gay and,” his voice cracks. “he’s gone.” he whispers brokenly as he shoves the box into her hands.

robin is very confused and surprised but all she knows is that her best friend is in distress, so she sets the box down and grabs his hands.

“steve. look at me.” she only continues when he does. “sit down and talk to me. let’s go through everything together, okay? just calm down and breathe.”

by 3am robin’s looked through the box and the majority of the journal - steve dog-eared the important pages and she’s a fast reader - and she’s just as shocked as steve, apparently, if her bewildered expression and silence is anything to go by.

“robin? rob, say something.” he urges. “please. i need you to talk to me.”

“holy shit.” she finally raps. “steve, i’m gonna ask you a question and i don’t want you to freak out, okay?”

he nods.

“do you think you could’ve... reciprocated billy’s feelings?”

he opens his mouth to answer but halts, eyes wide and crazy as he stares at her.

“i-“ he gulps. “maybe?” he croaks out. “i-i think so? maybe yeah. yeah.” he nods.

“so you’re bisexual.”

and that’s throwing him on a whole other whirlwind. steve’s had too much thrown at him for the night and he doesn’t have it in him to deal with a sexuality crisis on top of everything.

but billy’s pretty. so fucking beautiful and steve can’t admit it just yet but he wishes he were still here. he wishes he could travel back in time and reach out to billy and save him from the horrors of hawkins but also kiss and fuck and love him properly but now it’s too late and steve and billy have one thing in common.

they’re both alone. lonely. so much love to give but no one to receive or give back.

“bisexual?” he chokes out.

“you like both. boys and girls. like david bowie. and david bowie’s awesome. you’re kinda awesome too, i guess. for a dingus.” she playfully punches his arm and it makes him feel better for all of 2 seconds until it’s hitting him again that the person who wanted to love him is dead. died right in front of him.

“do you have hot chocolate?” she nods. “with marshmallows?” she nods again. “can i have some?”

he feels like he’s about to faint. completely black out. wonders if he looks pale to robin. he needs something warm and comforting and hot coco will do the trick.

———————————

billy comes back in february. hopper and joyce gathered everyone up in joyce’s living room early february. sat everyone down to announce that hop had gotten... a call. a call from some doctor named owens who hop has a history with, the same doctor who helped will.

owens was nursing billy back to health in some secret lab in indianapolis, hence the funeral with no body. apparently billy was in comatose, then a medically induced coma when his brain woke up but he wasn’t strong enough to just yet. then, when he did wake up, he had to relearn how to eat, write, walk in physical therapy, alongside the heavy emotional therapy.

owens hid billy from the world until he was ready to be exposed to it again. then he called hopper one afternoon and told him to come pick the boy up.

max was angry. screamed and yelled until she was reduced to tears in joyce’s arms. the other kids were shocked and confused. didn’t know if they should be happy or scared. will and el were the only positive ones. nancy and jonathan were mostly shocked and indifferent, numb to these crazy surprises the shithole town throws at them. steve and robin just stared at each other knowingly, a million thoughts racing their minds.

a week later they were all in joyce’s living room again, nervously anticipating hopper and billy’s arrival. everyone looked up when the doorknob began to jerk and the lock turned, their eyes trained on the door as it opened to reveal hopper standing beside billy.

billy. clad in a big hoodie, gray sweats and converse. the same ones that were once in the box steve has hidden under his bed. his hair is long now, flowing freely and curling wildly at the ends, looking so soft with the lack of product. he looked tired, fading blue bags under his eyes. he hadn’t lost his tan, steve noted, and looked a little softer around the stomach and legs. for someone who went through all the shit he did, billy looked good. healthy.

max got to him the second he stepped inside, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him close. he immediately clung to max, holding her tight and whispering a shaky, wet hey, shitbird, only audible to her, resulting in her wet laugh. the siblings stayed like that for a few moments before pulling away to let billy see and greet everyone.

joyce had demanded they all not coddle billy because it would be suffocating and he probably couldn’t deal with that. except now she was serving and feeding him a million things, coddling him just like any other mother would. billy was hesitant and tense at first, but slowly relaxed, especially when he was given cookies.

sweet tooth, steve distantly remembered. billy has a sweet tooth, if the candy wrappers and lollipop sticks in the box were anything to go by.

everyone takes turns greeting and talking to billy. steve’s last in line to have his quick one-on-one with the guy and by the time they’re face to face, everyone’s sitting together, talking and laughing and eating.

“hey,” steve greets with a small smile. he can feel robin’s eyes on him and not-so-slyly flips her the bird, his eyes trained on billy and only billy. “it’s good to have you back.”

“you know you don’t have to say that, harrington, especially if you don’t mean it.” billy tries to joke but his eyes and smile are sad. “i only died for, like, two minutes. not a big deal.”

“shut up, man.” steve rolls his eyes and chuckles. “i do mean it.” he chews on his bottom lip nervously, doing a quick scan of the room to make sure there are no eyes on them before he looks back to billy.

then he’s reaching out and grabbing billy’s hand. running his thumbs over the scars along his palm and knuckles. he looks up to find billy confused and blushing. he smiles before pulling billy into a tight hug.

“you look good. so good.” steve whispers in his ear, getting a whiff of generic coconut shampoo. he has one arm wrapped tight around billy’s waist, holding him close with their bodies flush. he slides his free hand down and rests it on billy’s ass, barely squeezing. he chuckles when billy jumps a little.

“harrington.” billy chokes out, voice wrecked. “what’s your hand doing on my ass?” steve can feel billy’s lips moving on his neck and it makes him shudder.

“just doing what i should’ve done a while ago.” he sighs, content, just holding billy’s warm, very much alive body close to his.

“if you wanted to get in my pants, pretty boy, all you had to do was ask.” billy flirts with a smirk steve can feel on his neck. then he pauses. “you’re not fucking with me?” he asks, tone serious.

“nuh uh.” steve shakes his head. “actually, uh,” he pulls away just enough to meet billy’s eyes. “max gave me your shoebox.” he watches as billy’s eyes widen and go fiery. “hey, no, don’t get mad at her. it’s not her fault. she didn’t know you were comms back.” steve reasons. “plus, now i know big bad heartbreaker billy hargrove has a crush on little ole me.”

“who says i still do?” billy raises his eyebrows, as if his hands aren’t tightly holding onto steve’s shoulders and he’s not blushing and making heart eyes at the guy.

steve’s not too bright, but he knows when people have a crush on him. he’s always been bright in the language of love. and sex, for that matter, as billy will eventually find out when he inevitably get lovingly and romantically railed and fucked into steve’s mattress later that week.

“just have a feeling.” he shrugs, giving billy’s ass one last squeeze before he rests his hands on his hips with a grin.

[the-iceni-bitch]

Lain in Sin

Pairing: Bryce Langley x dark!fem Reader

Words: ~1.8k

Summary: You have a wicked surprise for your boyfriend. 😈

Warnings: DARK, explicit language, explicit sexual content (fingering, over the pants hand job, unprotected vaginal sex), forced voyeurism, nonconsensual drug use, marijuana use, alcohol consumption, SMUT!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!!

A/N: I’ve been wanting to write another Bryce fic for a while but didn’t have the inspiration until now! Definitely some pretty dark aspects to this one guys so please avoid if any of this upsets you! (Also, some of you who joined my taglist early didn’t have the option to opt out of dark fics, please message me or update your preferences if you want to avoid this stuff!)

Check out my masterlist and join my taglist here!!!

Bryce kept glaring at you as you sipped on your wine, ignoring him pointedly as you smiled innocently at your stepfather.

You were palming his cock through his slacks under the table cloth as you chatted idly with your parents and his mother and grandfather. He had just wanted to take you back to the guesthouse you were living in and bury himself in your pretty cunt, but you had insisted on playing the happy family for your guests, knowing it would drive him crazy.

“Oh, I think we should definitely do a trail ride at some point.” You said as you beamed at Maya, squeezing his cock as he did his best to swallow a moan.

You felt him try to buck into your grip and removed your hand with a smirk, winking at him when he hissed at you. He took a swig of wine and grumbled sourly as he thought about fucking your face.

It was like you read his mind, wrapping your lips around your fork suggestively as you took another bite of steak. The staff finally came to clear the table as you sat back, grinning wickedly at Bryce as you crossed and uncrossed your legs.

“Wanna get out of here baby?” You muttered as he scooted closer to you.

“Finally.” He mumbled as he stood up to follow you, shoving Maya off as she tried to join the two of you.

You took off sprinting once you got outside, laughing lightly over your shoulder as he cursed under his breath before running after you. He chased you through the trees as you made your way to the cottage at the edge of your mother’s property, catching you as you arrived and tossing you over his shoulder as you squealed.

He kicked the door open and dropped you on the couch before slamming it closed behind him. You grinned at him as he pounced on top of you, smashing his lips against yours as he pressed his body against you.

“You got any weed, babe?” He asked, his lips tracing along your throat as his fingers dig into your waist.

“Yeah, in the kitchen.” You muttered, crawling out from under him and standing up, motioning for him to follow you. “Just finished curing a new strain I think you’re gonna love.”

“You’re a fucking genius. Ooh, brownies!” He frowned at you when you slapped his hand as he tried to take a brownie off the tray on your counter.

“Those aren’t for you.” You tutted at him, pulling a jar off your shelf and grabbing a rolling paper. “They’re part of a little surprise I have lined up for later.”

“I do love surprises.” He murmured, watching you as you rolled a beautiful looking joint.

“Trust me, you’re really gonna love this one.” You said as you grinned at him, lighting the joint and handing it over.

“Shit, that’s good.” He said appreciatively after taking a deep pull and handing it back to you.

You just hummed contentedly as you took a drag, sauntering out to the back patio as he trailed after you. He took it back from you and tucked it between his teeth as he started to feel you up. His lips pressed to your neck and he worked on sucking a bruise against your throat as he shoved his hands under your blouse once you took it back from him.

He started to turn you around, his fingers drawing up the hem of your skirt as he set the joint on the low stone wall. You moaned as you leaned back against him, his fingers running over the inside of your thighs as you felt your pussy throbbing with need.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you.” He purred into your hair as he teased at the edge of your panties. “Gimme another drag.”

You held the joint over your shoulder to let him take a pull, bringing it back to your own lips when he was finished and he slipped a finger inside you.

“Jesus, Bryce.” You purred as he curled his finger, massaging the inside of your pussy slowly and almost making you drop the joint.

“God, you’re so wet already.” He growled, bringing his free hand up to toss the remains of the joint away carelessly before inserting another finger and making you whine. “You’re squeezing my fingers so good, baby. What’s my surprise?”

“Oh, I’m not telling.” You moaned, grinding yourself into his palm and reaching over your shoulder to wind your fingers through his hair as he nipped at your neck.

“C’mon, if you tell me, I’ll let you come.” He muttered against the shell of your ear before stilling his fingers and making you whine.

“God, you’re such an asshole.” You huffed as you tried to fuck yourself on his fingers.

“So desperate for it, huh?” He teased before pulling his fingers away completely.

“Y/N? Where are you?” A low voice called from inside your house.

“Out back! I’ll meet you in the kitchen, have a brownie!” You shouted back, grinning at Bryce as he cocked an eyebrow at you.

“Is that your stepdad?” He asked as you pulled your skirt back down and turned around. “Why does he get a brownie?”

“You’ll see. Let’s just give it a minute.” You said, biting your lip and hopping up to sit on the stone wall.

He leaned next to you and nuzzled into your shoulder, making you sigh as he nipped at your skin.

“That oughta do it.” You said as he tried to unbutton your blouse, hopping off the wall and dragging him after you. “Ready for your surprise?”

His grin melted into a look of confusion as the two of you walked inside to see your stepfather sprawled across the sofa, his head lolling to one side and his eyes glazed over.

“What was in those brownies?” He asked, moving to take a closer look at the man.

“Just a little aconite psilocybin mix I’ve been working on.” You said as you moved to stand in front of your stepdad, starting to strip off your clothes. “We’ve only got 15 minutes before I need to administer the amiodarone so he doesn’t go into cardiac arrest.”

“So, your surprise for me is to let me fuck you in front of your stepdad while he almost dies?”

“Yeah. This idiot thought I was gonna give him a blow job.” You laughed, tossing your bra at Bryce after peeling it off.

“That’s so fucking twisted.” He grinned at you, starting to rip off his clothes and moved around the couch to get to you. “Can he still see us?”

“Oh, he can see and hear everything. But he won’t remember any of it.” You moaned as Bryce pounced on you, turning you around and spreading your legs as he ran his hand over your swollen pussy.

“Can’t believe this dumbass thought he had a shot a getting a piece of you.” He whispered, rubbing your cunt in big slow circles as he forced you to your knees. “Gonna make him watch me wreck this pretty pussy.”

He lined himself up and drew you down onto his length as you let out a sigh, your pussy fluttering as you adjusted to him. You whined as he started thrusting into you with slow strokes, his cock hitting all those spots that made your eyes roll back in your skull.

“God, you’re so fucking tight.” He growled into your hair as he started moving his hips faster, bringing a hand up to palm at your breast as you jerked your ass back to meet his hips. “Always so ready for me. It make you wet to think about me fucking you in front of your stepdad? Or do you think about him eating that perfect pussy while I fuck your face?”

“Sounds like you’re the one thinking about it.” You purred, arching into his hand as you leaned back against his shoulder, your pussy clenching around him.

He chuckled into your neck as he moved his hand from your hip to rub your clit, groaning as he felt your breath hitch in your chest. You yelped when he pressed his fingers against you harshly, making you come as he nipped at your shoulder. Bryce held you to him tightly as your body shuddered with pleasure, your release leaking out around his cock in a thick cream that started to run down your thighs.

“Maybe I am thinking about it.” He murmured as he started to bend you over, his cock still inside you as he pressed your face to the rug and gripped your wrists tightly at the small of your back. “Maybe I wanna watch some other asshole try to make you come. You think he could make you scream like I do baby?”

“Fuck, Bryce!” You cried as his tip kissed your cervix, the force of his hips driving your cheek into the rug as you shattered around him.

“Shit.” He hissed as your pussy squeezed his cock in waves, mesmerized by the sight of your cream coating his length while his thighs slapped against your ass. “I’m gonna come. Where do you want it?”

“Mmm, wanna feel it all over my pussy.” You hummed, grinding your ass against him. “Love when you paint my skin with your cum.”

He pulled out of you with a growl, nudging his tip against your puffy lips as he jerked his fist over his length. His knees nudged your thighs further apart, biting his lip as he watched your pussy throb between your legs.

You moaned as he came with a grunt, his spend shooting all over your swollen folds in warm ropes of white. He tapped his angry tip against you when he was finished, making sure every drop of his cum was spread over your pretty cunt.

“God, you’re so fucking perfect.” He cooed as he rubbed his thumb over your pussy with his thumb, massaging his cum into your skin. “He seemed to enjoy it to.”

You straightened up and grinned as you noticed the shrinking tent in your stepdad’s pants, covered by a small wet stain, before catching the time and rising to your feet with a hiss.

“Fuck, need to administer the reversal.” You said, grabbing a syringe off the mantle and plunging it into his arm. “That was cutting it a little close.”

Bryce just grinned as he stood up and prowled towards you, wrapping his body around yours and nuzzling into your hair as you disposed of the needle.

“Thanks for the surprise baby.” He muttered as he pressed his lips to your shoulder. “I’m gonna have to come up with some way to thank you.”

——————————————————————————

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[unbridgeabledistances]

so ik we aren’t sure if the camo kiss was cut or not, but i wrote it just in case:) this takes place directly after 11x04!

(also i am still working on prompts after a little break, those will b up soon!<3)

--

Ian stumbled up the front steps of the Gallagher house, trying not to pay too much attention to the heavy metal music and the roar of the bonfire coming from the lot beside the house. He fumbled in the cheap fabric pockets of his military outfit to try and find his housekeys (Frank had started being vigilant about locking the front door since what he was calling the “Great Milkovich Invasion”). Mickey was a couple of steps behind him, stopping to lean over the chain link fence and flipping off one of his more scraggly-looking cousins who had just taken it upon himself to yell “military pussies” as Ian and Mickey walked by- honestly, not the worst insult they could have shouted, considering they’d had all day to brew up new combinations of slurs after seeing Mickey and Ian walk by in their uniforms on their way to Kev and V’s that morning.

Ian slid the key in the lock, and turned around to call to Mickey, who was still hurling insults at his bearded cousin as the moonlight bounced off his face.

“Better watch your fucking back, Gary, ‘cause my window’s right up there above you, and I’d hate to accidentally do some target practice during your little sleepover under the stars out here.”

Ian rolled his eyes. “Hey, sharpshooter, you wanna come inside?”

Mickey cast one more glare at the tattered group of Milkoviches, then reached over the fence to take the can of beer one of them was holding.

“Better sleep with one eye open, assholes.”

Mickey turned and finally ambled up the creaking front steps, ducking under Ian’s arm that was holding the door open into the warm glow of the living room. Mickey kicked off his boots and threw them onto the living room floor, then took a sip of his stolen lukewarm beer and grinned, his defensive facade completely melting away now that they were safely indoors.

“Nice first day, Gallagher. Might have to give you a promotion soon.”

Ian rolled his eyes even more aggressively as he crouched down and untied the shoelaces of his bulky pleather military boots.

“Oh yeah? I don’t remember saying I was interested in being employed on a regular basis.”

Mickey took a final sip of the stolen beer and winced, then crushed the can on the back of the couch. “Well I guess today’s your lucky day then, lover. I ended your job hunt right before it even started.”

Mickey took off the flimsy camo pageboy hat and tossed it on the ground next to his shoes. “You want a beer? That shit was disgusting.”

Ian smirked, pulling off his boots and putting them by the door. “Yeah, sure.”

Mickey strode into the kitchen, while Ian scooped up Mickey’s discarded boots and hung up his hat by the door.

“I still can’t believe they had all that fucking weed just lying around, man!” Mickey called from the kitchen, opening the fridge and making the bottles clang as he fumbled for two beers.

Ian smirked and ambled into the kitchen, settling against the edge of the countertop. Mickey handed him a beer, which Ian opened on the side of the counter and slowly took a sip.

“Yeah. It’s fuckin’ crazy.”

Mickey was standing inches in front of him, twisting off the cap of his own beer and smiling with bright eyes, like he was glowing from this absurdly weird day going exactly as he had planned. Ian had the sudden thought that maybe it had- while Mickey seemed to act like he didn’t want to wear the camo gear that Ian discovered in the back corner of the dingy army supply store, Ian was starting to realize that Mickey getting him to play dress-up all day while they did the security job might have been exactly what Mickey had in mind when he was giving Ian shit at the store. As if confirming Ian’s thoughts, Mickey smiled a half-smile and poked him in the chest, giddy.

“Gallavich security, bitch. No more faking pay stubs for my P.O., the two of us are gonna make a killing just fucking hauling weed around all day.”

Ian barked out a laugh as he set his bottle down on the counter and pulled himself up to sit on the edge. “Gallavich security?”

“Fuck yeah, bitch. We’re going official. The name sounds totally badass anyways, gotta let everyone know what we mean business.”

Ian smirked. “Hm, okay. And since both of our names are in the business title, does that mean I still work for you? Or does it mean that we’re partners now?”

Mickey stepped closer, eyebrows raised and his tone playful. “Well, I don’t know. That depends on how hard you work, how you do in your employee review. You’re the one always talking about work ethic and all that shit.”

Ian rolled his eyes, but reached his arms up to comfortably rest over Mickey’s shoulders. “Oh yeah, boss? And how’d I do today?”

Mickey took a second to respond, leaning in closer now that he was ensnared in Ian’s grasp. His eyes flickered to Ian’s lips, then back up to meet Ian’s eyes with that intoxicated, heavy-lidded look he always had when Ian’s face was inches from his.

“Not sure yet. You gonna work with me again tomorrow?” Mickey retorted, a little more softly.

Ian sighed. “If I say yes, will you get off my fucking back about the fact that you have a job and I don’t?”

Mickey leaned his face in closer, then reached up and pulled Ian’s cheap camo hat off of his head.

“Deal.”

And then they were kissing, and Ian’s arms were pulling Mickey closer and cradling the back of his head in his hands—they were kissing, and for the first time in weeks they weren’t kissing because they had been fighting, or because they wanted a quick fuck and needed to blow off some steam, but because they wanted to be closer to each other, kissing because they were finally on the same team. He and Mickey were wearing matching fucking costumes, and they probably looked fucking ridiculous—but they were actually working together for once, were actually standing hand in hand in front of whoever crossed their path. While the day had begun with Ian reeling in panic that Mickey would do something illegal or stupid or both and end up in prison and away from him again, now Ian couldn’t shake the warmth that overtook him, sitting on the kitchen counter with his legs wrapped around a warm and thrumming Mickey, who had softened the second that Ian decided to get off the couch and be with him all day.

Perching on the kitchen counter, feeling his husband’s hungry lips press against his again and again, Ian couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t the way he’d envisioned wearing camo someday back when he was 16 and in ROTC; hell, he never would have imagined that he would have gone to jail someday when he was 16, or that he would preach in a church to crowds of hundreds of people, or that he would be bipolar— but the most surprising thing of all in his life was the fact that he would actually get to love Mickey Milkovich, that he was married to the dirt-smudged shit-talking teenage boy he’d spent his whole life wanting to be close to. The Gallagher kitchen had undoubtedly seen its fair share of make-out sessions, between him and Trevor or Caleb or whoever—but Ian couldn’t help but think that this moment with Mickey felt like the only kiss that mattered, the only time that Ian wasn’t putting on an act. Mickey was the only person that Ian didn’t have to pretend for, the only one who was his exact brand of crazy— Mickey was the only one Ian could think of who wouldn’t scoff at Ian’s idea of wearing matching outfits to do a security job, and instead got dressed and walked down the street beside him, got giddy at the fact they could spend the day together. Ian had never known where his life would take him, but building a business with the love of his life seemed like a pretty good start.

Ian’s hand slid from the back of Mickey’s head and down his neck, and he let his fingers rest over the camo-printed lapels of Mickey’s shirt, right in the spot he knew Mickey’s tattoo was. Mickey trailed kisses down the side of Ian’s neck, pulling him in closer.

“Love you, love you so fucking much,” Mickey mumbled as he crashed their lips together again.

And as Ian grasped the back of Mickey’s hair once more, breathing him in, he knew that this was exactly where he was supposed to be.

[ssvgawara]

Haikyuu boys and some oddly specific crime they’d commit

a/n: I come back and the first thing I write is a shitpost!! enjoy </3 tw for drugs, murder, alcohol and general crime committing xoxo

Karasuno

Daichi- he’s a cop sorry that’s all there is to it man

Suga- Suga has multiple charges of 1st-degree murder against him but they can’t seem to find his identity so he continues committing murder and will continue until he gets caught or ends up murdering enough people to be put in a position of power

Asahi- everyone is probably like “Oh Asahi is innocent” NO. He has learned that his slightly scary face will let him get away with a lot, he is buying alcohol illegally because he looks old enough to, and he’s buying so much other shit and just getting away with it

Nishinoya- This man gives fucking pimp vibes I can just see him in the big leopard print fur coat with a pretty girl in his lap and he calls himself big poppa but no one else will

Tanaka- Drug dealer vibes, probably runs an entire fucking drug ring with his sister and not just a Lil weed these mfkas have the hard shit too like you could probably buy meth from them, he’s not using it but it’s good business

Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita- They literally rob a bank they have an entire scheme and get away with multiple bank robberies and this goes on for MONTHS

Kageyama- We know he’s volleyball smart but otherwise he’s so mfing stupid and I love him for it but he is a chronic shoplifter. Just picks something up and takes it, has walked out of a store without paying for an entire bed set once and got away with it somehow so idk props to him

Hinata- He is the little guy in any heist situation, he fits anywhere so he can sneak in and out the best, he gave himself the stupid ass code name tiny giant but everyone goes with it because somehow he is the best

Tsukishima- armed robbery, but he doesn’t have a gun just a knife like he’s tall and as an attitude, a knife will get him whatever he needs he doesn’t need the gun

Yamaguchi- He runs a catfishing scheme where he pretends to be a naive girl, scams old men out of their money, and then ghosts them and I think it’s what he deserves let him carry on especially because no one would believe it’s him. Also not really like a crime crime but still a crime in a way

Kiyoko- She kills men and I know it, Queen Kiyoko ending the patriarchy one shitty man at a time like she only kills men who deserve it bc some have rights.

Yachi- She’s too anxious to commit an in-person crime so she does a lot of cybercrime, hacking government databases and releasing info to the people, truly the anonymous we deserve

Saeko- She’s running that drug ring with Tanaka, and she loves it because there’s a thrill to it even though yknow she’s dealing literal meth but like its fine plus she loves rocking people’s shit when they get too handsy, which bring me to my next point underground MMA Saeko, like the illegal one with no rules yeah <3

Ukai- this man probably sells all kinda shit to minors that he shouldn’t he is so unbothered a 7-year-old could probably walk in ask for a pack of camels and get them and leave before he noticed what was going on.

Takeda- Did y’all see how scared Hinata was when Takeda gave him that lecture? This dude could kidnap someone and scare them into giving all the information he needed, a legend truly

Aoba Johsai

Oikawa- took steroids one time. And of course in sports, that’s not allowed. But he only did it once and regretted it for months afterward. Never told anyone and was just relieved he didn’t have to piss in a cup and have someone find out.

Matsukawa- Without hesitation, I know this man takes dead people’s bones and sells them on the internet. Has dubbed himself the bone man and he feels so much power when someone buys a femur or sumn. It’s kinda funny honestly he has a hoard of bones to sell, his fave is the pelvis.

Hanamaki- He’s in between jobs because he stole money from his last job, like he said he was sorry he just needed a little extra for gas but was sad to find out that’s a literal crime and he was laundering money.

Iwaizumi- he’s a street racer, like the fast and furious style and it’s so sexy of him like late-night races ugh to be in an expensive fast car with him where he has one hand on my thigh okay that’s enough of that.

Kunimi- Look me in the eye and tell me he does not do drugs. He does and if you don’t believe me you are wrong and I will fight you on this one. 

Kyotani- If there is a crime he will commit it for fun. Like he will do it with no hesitation. He has a record longer than twilight and I’m not sure how he is not in prison actually nvm he escaped and is  a wanted criminal lol

Shiritorizawa

Ushijima- Assault, he just reeks of getting into bar fights when he’s absolutely wasted. Like he most likely didn’t start it but he will be finishing it

Tendou- grave robbing, he just goes into the cemetery picked the oldest plots, and gets to digging. Has made thousands on dead people jewelry and probably won’t get caught, like besides the groundskeeper there’s no security he will never stop.

Semi- he breaks copyright laws on the daily. He’s sampling music in his all the time but he’s doing it so sneakily it’s fine its what deserves stream his band on Spotify right now,

Shirabu- His bangs are criminal enough. No, but he has stolen drugs from the hospital before he just wanted to try the Xanax, and yeah he could just write himself a prescription for it nut like it’s so easy to just go get some and no report it so that’s what he did.

Goshiki- y’all want me to say arson don’t you?? Fine. He commits arson multiple times and kills 7 people with fire before getting arrested and he doesn’t even feel bad so in prison he probably fucking runs a gang he is crazy.

Nekoma

Kuroo- he is a capitalist and class traitor and that’s crime enough I don’t care is he’s attractive or rich, He commits crimes daily by just existing but I still love him anyway.

Kai- Could not commit a crime he just wants to garden and live his life. Jk there’s at minimum one body in that garden let him kill a man he deserves it just let him have one dead body

Yaku- he keyed someone’s car once just because they pissed him off. Was it kuroo? Yes. But that’s fine because he also keyed Lev’s car but blamed lev for keying kuroo’s and Kuroo for keying Lev’s. He just wants to watch the world burn.

Kenma- cyberbullying but man he is mean. Like no bars held we will dig into every insecurity he can and that shit hurts and he doesn’t even feel bad about it he will just be as mean as he can if you’re not careful

Lev- his crime is being tall and dumb also doesn’t understand the economy and prints counterfeit money because why can’t we print more money? The government should get on that.

Inuoka- He released all the animals from a zoo, like snuck in one night and just let them all free, I’m surprised the tiger didn’t eat him but hey the animals are free, there’s still some missing uh oh he’s very proud of himself for it. After the rush, he starts sneaking into shelters and freeing all the dogs and cats

Yamamoto and Fukunaga- Have egged a house before, it was Kuroo’s he deserves all this bullying and you can’t stop me.

Date Tech

Aone- Criminal Conspiracy, sure he had an entire foolproof plan to get away with the perfect crime but someone found out, and now his plans are ruined, damn </3 and no one ever suspects the quiet guy either.

Futakuchi- Having a prostitute, he just wanted some company like mans is lonely so he paid a girl to just spend a Lil time with him it’s all good.

Fukurodani

Bokuto- I know we all haha funny laugh at tax evader bokuto and sure maybe he evades his taxes but he’s also committed vehicular manslaughter, he cannot drive and has killed someone with his car maybe even multiple someones but he always drives off in a panic because he doesn’t know what else to do.

Akaashi- Hasn’t actively committed a crime but has been an accomplice in every vehicular manslaughter Bokuto has committed why the fuck does he keep letting bokuto drive? He really needs to stop that.

Konoha- A master scammer he is so convincing everyone gives him money even if they’re a little sus because he’s just that good each scheme is so convincing.

Inarizaki

Kita- He grows weed, you can’t tell me those rice fields are just for rice he’s got all this space he is growing marijuana and selling it, let him do it I want him to be my plug.

Atsumu- "What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

Osamu- resisting arrest. He just said no and ran. Granted he shouldn’t have punched the cop in the first place to have to be arrested but like that’s not the point here.

Aran- accidental child abandonment, like he just forgot he was babysitting and left the kid alone for like a day. He felt terrible but he still forgot the kid and now is fearful of parenthood

Suna- owns an illegal weapon, like he just never registered it and keeps it around and would use it if needed Suna please just point the weapon at me maybe

Others

Terushima- Graffiti, he loves painting on the walls of buildings and tagging them, has so much spraypaint and his day isn’t complete if he doesn’t tag at least one building or train car.

Daishou- Public intoxication- he got a little too fucked up and stripped on the street he will forever have to live with everyone knowing he has an ass tattoo like damn bruh

Sakusa- Perjury he simply wanted to get out of court so he said some shit so he could leave granted he lied under oath but whatever, did they ever find out? No, so he’s fine and he’d do it again if it meant he could leave faster. Like sure he was a witness to a murder but bruh he pretends he does not see.

Hoshihumi- driving without a license he simply thought you didn’t need one because why do you need a piece of plastic to say you can drive a car like??? Just know how to drive it.

[arcanadotcom]

𝕄𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝟞 𝕒𝕤 𝔻𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕤

⊱ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────── ⊰

(Hi everyone! I came up with these when me and my sister went out for a quick little drive after feeling sick of staying home 😘✌🏻 my driving skills got rusty. smh!)

(This is my first time writing so i’m sorry if they’re all over the place!)

⊱ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────── ⊰

☆ Asra

owns an old used car from the 90’s that makes you feel nostalgic

it kinda reeks of weed sometimes...

has random shit laying around the back including a blanket because he totally takes naps in the car between his classes

he’s a pretty slow driver (goes 23mph slower than the rest of traffic)

but as soon as he sees a yellow light he FLOORS IT

this lil shit never uses his blinkers...smh!

giggles when people cuss him out. he don’t give a fuck!

will always give you the aux cord because he vibes with whatever. any tunes you like, he likes too 🥰

often misses freeway exits because he’s too busy chatting with you (“wha..? oh haha...anyways!”)

he easily gets distracted with anything really, so you have to remind him to keep his eyes on the road all the time (it’s cute at first...but after a while it’s just annoying)

always offers to pick you up but never asks for gas money (pretends to forget but he just doesn’t care because it’s you and he care you <3)

overall he’s a cautious driver, he just has very erratic speed patterns and takes really shitty turns

★ Julian

has had the same old black car for about 8 years (hates that it’s a stick shift, but he got over it already)

he’s actually quite a responsible driver. doesn’t break transit rules

never got his license though, but it doesn’t really matter (u gotta do what u gotta do)

he never arrives on time, always late (super apologetic about it)

loses parking tickets and misplaces his keys all. the damn. time. so you usually end up carrying them instead

makes a HUGE fuss over your safety. please wear your seatbelt or else he will go bonkers

but at the same time will not hesitate to be your designated getaway driver (if you need to gtfo of somewhere, he will get you the fuck out of there)

he actually has to use glasses because his vision sucks and can’t read road signs. he looks so cute

his car doesn’t have an aux cord outlet, so he has a bunch of cassettes of different kinds of music ( 70’s rock, jazz, some obscure russian band, etc ) lying around. he can’t drive without music!

has a bit of road rage; if he’s with you he’ll mutter curses under his breath trying to keep composure

but when alone he will absolutely yell at people, but his way of doing it is somewhat.....endearing?

will occasionally bump into things, but has never caused any serious damage

has never been pulled over and only gets tickets due to expired parking meters in downtown (somehow manages to talk his way out of them all the time)

he’s had enough experience around the city so he talks to you about places no one really knows about

he will literally take you a random phone booth that is actually the entrance to a secret undergroung café that looks like a place where academics would hang out and conspire new literary movements

☆ Nadia

doesn’t drive, she has a chauffeur

but if she did, she would own one of those beautiful, modern, pearly off-white cars.

it’s perfectly clean, well kept and smells great

no food or drinks allowed inside. periodt

you’d probably be afraid of ruining the seat when you first get in. she assures you everything is okay

totally drives around wearing a pair of gloves, headscarf, and gorgeous sunglasses to protect herself from the sun. also because she’s so classy <3

she excels at everything in driving

flawless breaking and parking, but thinks that going around looking for a spot is a waste of time so she’d rather just pay extra for valet parking

her only flaw is that she gets super impatient with how long it takes for a red light to turn green

and she almost never stops for pedestrians

would usually call you to see if you’d like to go shopping with her or just accompany her for some errands (pls go with her she adores having you around 🥺)

doesn’t have a problem with giving you rides, but she’s always busy with a tight schedule, so rides from her are very rare

probably feels bad about it so she’ll send you an uber black instead

★ Muriel

hates going out because it means he has to drive ://

he just wants to get from point A to point B without any issues really

you’ll notice that his car always has a layer of dirt on it since he never really uses it (he doesn’t bother to give it a little wipe before hoping in)

would probably own a normal, practical car that gets the job done and doesn’t need much maintenance. nothing too fancy

.......but i really want to see him with a jeep so i’ll make him own a jeep ☺️

highkey anxious and hyperaware of his surrounding drivers

he looks too tense and grips the wheel hard....tell him to relax pls

if someone tries to pass him, he will absolutely give them a Look through the rear mirror

not one to listen to music (will sometimes turn on the radio but slams it off eventually because it’s annoying)

used to be terribly afraid of highways

mumbles and grumbles about how dangerous and stupid it is to carelessly swerve lanes just to go fast and look cool

☆ Portia

drives all the time so she’s definitely the most experienced on the road

owns a cute convertible beetle that she takes care of and loves very much ❤️ (has so many cute ass bumper stickers)

will not hesitate to change the tires on her own if needed

music is always loud and top is down most of the time

she’s got anything you might need in her glove box (hand cream? tissues? sanitizer? pocket knife? she has it yes ma’am)

when she’s by herself, laws simply do not exist

lowkey a threat to society. get her off

she goes so fucking fast like she zooms💨 down the road (mainly because she’s always on a hurry)

basically breaks whatever law she wants but once she spots a cop, citizen of the year

ohh but if you and/or anyone else is with her, it’s a whole different story

she drives carefully and slows down, would hate to put your safety at risk (same as julian)

road trips with her are THE BEST. going on drives with her always feel like a scene from a coming of age film 💕✨🧚‍♀️

★ Lucio

not necessarily an irresponsible driver, he’s just reckless and obnoxious

owns a restored, fancy vintage car that’s either red or white (his license plate is personalized, bedazzled and borderline opulent). genuinely proud of it

revs the engine just to piss people off

is always willing and able to be there for you if you need him

when he’s there to pick you up, he will absolutely make a scene for you to notice him. simply giving you a call is out of the equation!

the backseats are full of white hair...you know he brings his adored babies everywhere he goes

blasts music at an ASTRONOMICAL VOLUME and he just sits there like 🤪✌🏻🎶🕺🏼

but believe it or not, his music taste is actually really good....it slaps. so it’s okay

likes to drive fast (“oh you want to see some speed? i’ll show you some real speed”)

cannot stand traffic and slow drivers make him go batshit crazy

honks at everyone for everything but gets offended if they honk back >:(

you’ll still see him at the red light despite him doing 84 lane changes

tells you he LOVES the attention he gets because of the car, but then feels super self conscious if people stare too much or too long......although he will never admit it

this guy loves to gossip with you and likes to make fun of random pedestrians... you gotta admit he makes you snicker quite a bit. who am i kidding he’s funny as fuck of course you’re gonna laugh

doesn’t slow down for speed bumps, will blow quick kisses at the little fake cameras on top of the traffic lights, and has definitely scratched the lower sides of his car on curves more than once (*frantic wheel stirring* “not my fault not my fault!!”)

this man’s biggest struggle is parking. he cannot park for shit (secretly embarrassed about it)

it takes FOREVER for him to parallel park. might as well snooze while he’s at it

genuinely tries his best, going as far as to do the “arm behind the seat to look back” move (he wants to impress you dammit!!), but gets frustrated and gives up

so most of the time he ends up taking two spots despite trying so hard not to

gets tickets all the time (“now they’re ganging up against me! and for what?? what the fuck did i do!!”)

cannot comprehend street signs (“lucio you will get a $650 fine” “darling wdym?? it costs $650 to park here”)

going on a drive with him can be stressful and a bit crazy, but it’s always entertaining and you get the best stories to tell

[raindropsbarzy]

hooked with u  - tyler seguin  pt.1

summary: two friends being eachothers fuck buddies and at the end, of them wants more than that

word count: 2083

warning: alcohol, weed (lol), vulgar language, mentions of sex

a/n: just a heads up, on this piece i’m writing for non white girls. specifically brown girls. and i might start doing it with my other writings too. i was inspired by numbers of gorgeous woc in my instagram lol so i thought, why not? okay, enjoy!

playlist to add the sexual tension

*

*

Tyler is throwing a party at his place tonight after his team encouraged him to do it before the playoffs next week. And him, being the party animal that he is couldn’t resist that. So he took care of everything a few hours before the party, invited a few friends and now here they are.

He’s now leaning against the fridge and watching you from across the room with a small smile attached to his face. Not paying any attention to what his friends are saying at the moment.

You’re talking with a few of the team's girlfriends, looking as pretty as ever. Dressed in a simple black tight-fitting calf-length dress with a slit on the right that stops on your mid-thigh. Giving him a great view of your soft leg. Trade your usual air force 1 sneakers for a pair of silver heels and let your long dark hair fall back instead of putting it into a bun or a ponytail like you always do. His eyes trail up and down your body over and over, even stopping to stare at your full breasts longingly because honestly, that dress is doing a great job at complimenting your chest.

His heart swells when he sees you with his signature ‘TS’ snapback on your head. He does notice that you may have taken an interest in that specific material and loves to steal it but he doesn’t care. if others did it, he’d probably have a problem with it (even if it’s his sister) but he let it slide cause it’s you.

“You have been staring at her for God knows how long and it’s getting pretty disgusting so stop eye-fucking Y/N and talk to us.” Jamie interrupts Tyler’s daydream about you, making the others laugh in agreement,

Tyler shakes his head but a soft smile remains on his face, bringing the cold beer to his lips before taking a few gulps. “Fuck off, Benn.”

“Are you two dating or something? I mean, I’ve been watching the two of you for months now and you two sure are flirty as hell.” Bishop adds, knitting his eyebrows in curiosity,

He can only give him a shrug as his eyes stay fixated on you. Watching you throw your head back with a laugh, making his grin grow wider. “Nothing is going on between us.”

“Yeah yeah sure, not buying that bullshit.” Jamie snickers, nudging Bishop’s stomach with his elbow as if asking him if he agreed. “I mean I don’t blame you, she’s pretty hot. Wouldn’t mind getting a bit closer with her, if you know what i mean”

Tyler’s quick to crane his neck and stare at his friend, a deep frown forming on his forehead. “Don’t get any fucking ideas”

His tone is heavy and aggressive, not to mention possessive. His hand grips tightly around the bottle as the thought of Benn’s wanting to have you is making his blood boil. He may be his best friend, but when it comes to you, he doesn’t play around.

Jamie laughs, clapping his hand on Tyler’s shoulder. “I’m just messing with you, man. Well except the ‘she’s hot’ part because she is.” And Tyler is about to open his mouth to tell him to ‘back off’ but Jamie cuts him off. “But you know i wouldn’t do that, i’m your -- Jesus, stop glaring at me like that man, I’ll back off” Benn chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief at how protective he is of you (even though he isn’t your boyfriend).

“Yeah yeah,” Tyler waves him off, turning his gaze back on you. Winking as he sees you turn around and meet his eyes, seeing you giggle at him. As a response, you form your lips into a pout and give him an air kiss, accompanied by the ‘mwah’ sound just to be playful with him.

He chuckles, waving his hand at you before you turn your attention back to the girls. Leaving him only to stare at you again with a lovey-dovey smile.

“Christ, you’re whipped.” Bishop puffs out a breath, seemingly cannot believe that his friend is that hooked with you. And he doesn’t even know why (because he can’t tell what is going on with the two of you). “You never do this with other girls.”

“Of course i don’t. I don’t know them like i know Y/N.” Tyler defends, looking at his friend before sipping on his beer. “They’re just casual fucks.”

“How about Kate then?”

He groans internally, shooting daggers at Jamie who has his hands up in surrender. “That’s a long time ago, you sure you wanna bring that shit up?”

“All I’m saying is that you didn’t even look at Kate like you did to her,” He says as a matter of factly, pointing at the long-haired woman from across the room. “You’re definitely in love.”

Rolling his eyes, he shakes his head. “No, I'm not. We’re just friends. And yeah maybe i like to stare at her at most times but--”

“All the time” Bishop chimes,

He shoots a glare to his friend’s way before continuing, “But nothing is happening between us. Dude, she’s pretty as fuck. Catches me off guard sometimes and yeah sounds creepy if i said i like to stare at her all-time but can you blame me?” He defends, gesturing to you with his hand. He probably shouldn’t be straight forward and be too honest about giving you compliments right now but he blames it on the beers and couple of shots he took earlier.

The two men snort and laugh, exchanging glances with each other that says ‘are you seeing this?’ look on both of his eyes.

“Okay man, we get your point.”

Tyler relaxes, looking back at you again and he honestly can’t help himself. The way your dress is hugging your body perfectly, especially your backside and deep red lipstick you have on are doing things to him right now.

“Alright, i’ll talk to you guys later. Don’t destroy anything.” He says, putting down the empty beer bottle and starts walking over to your place without waiting to hear his friend's response.

He bites onto his lower lip as he gets closer, your eyes turn to him when you see him coming towards you. Smiling widely when his broad body softly pressing against your side.

“Ladies, mind if i steal this pretty lady for a while?” He asks, looking over at them while cocking his eyebrows.

They all smirk as if knowing what is gonna happen. “Of course, play safe kids.” The blonde-haired one wink at you before dragging the other girls away.

You chuckle softly at her, feeling Tyler’s hand around your waist as he guides you to his granite counter, leaning your back against it.

“Hi, Tyler” You smile at him, taking a couple sips of your alcohol beverage,

“Hello, sweetheart” He grins, keeping a firm grip on your waist as he stares at you intently. “You look so fucking beautiful tonight.”

Giggling, you try to cover your cheek so he can’t see you blush. “Thank you and you don’t look too bad yourself.”

You give him a once over, clad in a plain black tee that shows off a good amount of his tattoo sleeves. This is one of the things you find so sexy about him, he makes them so attractive without coming off wack. You like to trace your fingers across them.

“And I see you got my cap on, a sneaky little thing. I was looking for it this morning” He playfully scolds you,

You giggle again, poking out your tongue. “You know it’s my favorite thing of yours” turning the cap around on your head so it won’t block your vision

He arches a brow, pulling you a bit closer to him. “Really? I thought you said it’s my dick?”

Gasping in surprise, you smack him on the chest, causing him to release a loud laugh. “Don’t ruin the moment, Seguin”

“What moment are you speaking of?”

“Just doing this” You gesture with your finger, setting one of your palms on the table to keep you steady as the other grip on his shoulder “I really like being close with you.”

“I like it too. You’re driving me crazy you know that? Got the boys teasing me and shit because of that.” He murmurs, running his hand tenderly across your soft cheek in which you lean against it. “God, what is it from you that gets me like this, hm?”

Smiling at him, you shrug innocently. “I’m just very very convincing and alluring. That gets the men to keep falling on their knees as soon as I step into the room. Also, black magic. Did you know that I use that on you too?”

He chuckles at your return, obviously joking because he knows you like to add sarcasm to everything you say. That’s one of the reasons he likes you.

“Hmm” He smiles tenderly at you, unaware of the looks he’s getting from Benn and Bishop as they watch the two. “Anyway, why did you straightened your hair tonight? Not that i have any problem with it. But you said to me you’re laying off the heat though.”

“Wanna look extra extra pretty tonight for you. it was exhausted though, considering on how long my hair is” You laugh, finally taking off the cap and putting it on him as you run your hand through your locks. “Do i look pretty?” Batting your lashes at him.

“Stop playing baby, you know i always think you do” he leans a bit forward and peck your forehead. “And sexy as fuck too, Jesus. Why didn’t you wear this dress often around me?” He stares down at your dress.

“Because you prefer me naked around you.” You say in an obvious tone, seeing his eyes close and breathe out a laugh.

“True. You do look sexy when you’re naked though.” He states in a soft voice, his hand goes down to rest it against your plump ass giving it a squeeze. “Especially when i eat you out.”

“Easy tiger” You chuckle but secretly loves it when Tyler gets blunt with you in public. “You can have me later” you promise,

He groans, pouting at you. Resisting to give him a kiss on the lips. “When is later? I’m getting impatient baby.” Tugging you closer so your chest is pressing against his and he sneaks a glance down there. “And your tits are making it even harder for me.”

Throwing your head back, you laugh at his behaviour. “You have a party to host, you know? You’re being irresponsible if you want to leave just so we can fuck.”

“I don’t care, i want you right now. You’re making my dick hard the minute you stepped into the room. Don’t blame me for it.” He reasons, pressing his forehead against yours. “What do you say, baby?”

You tilt your head to the side, smiling up at him as you chew on your lip. Feeling yourself getting wet now that he’s looking at you like that. His eyes moving to your lips for a moment before looking back up. 

“Want to taste your sweet pussy” He whispers hotly against your ear causing you to shiver, “You bouncing on my cock as you scream out my name” he continues, 

You suddenly let out a soft moan, not realizing him smirking against your cheek. “You want that, hm? Get high while we fuck too, maybe?”

Nodding your head as you let out a hum, squeezing tightly on his shoulders as a sign for him to take you upstairs now. “Yes, please, Daddy”

Soon as the name slips out of your mouth. He’s a fucking goner. Body freezes and eyes turn into lust as he slowly retreats to get a good look at you. Your gaze saying that you are pleading at him so desperately for it. 

“Want you to fuck me. I need it, i’m getting wet for you”

His jaw clenches as he looks around, making sure no one is watching. Good thing, the people in here are too busy talking with each other, being drunk and dancing to Biggie’s ‘Big Poppa’. Mostly his friends because they are the ones he needs to look out for.

He looks back at you as your lips turn into a pout

“Mhmm, don’t worry. i’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk the next morning princess”

*

*

(next is dirty shit yall dont worry)

[ezrasarm]

I would love to see 30. “Are you wearing my shirt?“ with either Mando or Marcus (your choice!)

Burnt Brownies

Pairing: Marcus Pike x Reader

Word count: 1.9K

Warnings: 10 ply super soft fluff!

A/N: I sorta got away from the prompt a little... Oops. Also, contrary to the title this has nothing to do with weed.

Sure, you’d spent plenty of time at Marcus’s apartment before. You had a toothbrush and stick of deodorant that lived by his bathroom sink and everything. But the time you spent there was usually time spent with him. Which was why it felt so strange keying into the apartment alone. Tonight the two of you had been out on a date and it was going swimmingly. You had decided you would take him to the Natural History Museum so that this time you were the one that got to tour him through the exhibits. You will admit, explaining the differences in adaptations of dentition between robust and gracile australopiths wasn’t quite as sexy as listening to him drone on about the various theories about who the girl with the pearl earring was in relation to Vermeer but you seemed to maintain his interest well enough. Afterwards you’d planned on trying out this new bistro a couple blocks away that had been recommended to you by a friend. You heard their desserts were to die for and you also knew Marcus had a sweet tooth so you thought it would be worth a shot. But you never quite got to that part. You were half way through your meal when Marc’s phone rang. Work. He tried to ignore it. He really did. But after hanging up twice and the calls persisting he gave you an empathetic look.

“It’s okay.” You assured him. “Payback for last Friday. We’re even now.” You said, recalling the similar situation where you had been hit with a barrage of text messages halfway through the movie the two of you had gone out to see. You both had demanding jobs. But they were jobs that you loved. You had both been in relationships where your partners didn’t understand this part. The part where you had to be ready to run at the drop of a hat. It had actually ended your last relationship …and the one before that. So you found it kind of refreshing when it was him that had to go and not you for a change. It meant he understood. But it also meant finding time to spend with each other was a little more of a challenge.

“I just have to run into the office for a moment. It shouldn’t take longer than an hour or so. We could-“ He paused for a moment as he considered something. “Why don’t you meet me back at my place?” He asked. “That is, if you want to.” He interjected. “It’s just- works been crazy for both of us lately and I feel like I’ve hardly seen you these past two weeks and I was having a really good time tonight-”.

“I want to.” You said simply, cutting him off so a smile broke across his face. As much as you loved the man, it was painful listening to him ramble as he tried to justify things that hardly needed justification.

“Really?” He asked as he got up from his seat and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair.

“Yeah.” You nodded with a grin tugging at your lips.

“I’m so, so sorry about this.” He mumbled as he fished around in his pocket.

“It’s okay. It really is.” you said, managing to catch his wrist and pull him down into a soft kiss as he handed you his key.

“Have I mentioned that you’re the best?” He asked as he pulled away reluctantly.

“Go.” You chuckle, feeling the heat of a slight blush rise in your cheeks.

“See you in a bit.” He says, pressing another quick peck to your lips before disappearing. And that pretty much led you up to where you are now, fumbling around Marcus’s kitchen trying to find where the man keeps his damn cocoa powder because if you couldn’t have fancy dessert at a funky new bistro, you were at least going to try and navigate his kitchen well enough to make perfectly mediocre brownies that you could snuggle on the couch and watch a late night talk show with. The more you thought about it the more overwhelmingly domesticated the entire concept seemed to you and while at first the idea brought a smile to your face suddenly this felt like a big step. Was this a big step? He gave you a key. I mean it’s not like he was asking you to move in with him but- was he? Oh god. He’d told you what had happened with his previous relationships, they picked up speed too fast and then rammed head first into a brick wall. Too many casualties. You like Marcus. You really like Marcus. You don’t want to end up like that. You don’t want to screw this up. You can’t- shit! And now you’ve just dumped at least two cups worth of flour down the front of your dress. Great. You manage to toss the rest of the ingredients together and chuck the tray in the oven without too many more disasters before glancing down at the mess you had made. The little black dress you were wearing had been absolutely caked with white powder and frankly it looked hilarious. You’d have left it because you knew Marcus would get a great laugh out of the spectacle when he got back but you could also feel it dropping everywhere and you didn’t want to make the whole mess any worse.

“Just great.” You huffed to yourself as you went to find a broom and maybe attempt cleaning yourself up a bit too. It didn’t take you too long to figure out how to use his washing machine and set it for a quick wash when one of his T-shirts hanging above the dryer caught your eye. A favourite of yours. You’d remembered when he told you about it. It was from his band’s first attempt at making and selling merch. He told you hardly anyone had bought them but they were just so proud they had something with their name on it. The shirt fit loosely on him so you knew even as you slipped it on that you would look like you were drowning in it. The material was softened from being worn so much and something about the smell of it set you at ease. It was a mixture of his laundry detergent and something else distinctly Marcus that you couldn’t quite pin point. Whatever it was you wouldn’t mind waking up to it every morning. You knew it was a stupid reason but suddenly the idea of moving in with him that had made your heart feel like it was going to pound out of your chest just a couple moments ago, didn’t seem like such a terrifying thing after all. You knew that this was the man you wanted to be with and that whether him handing you a key to his place meant he wanted you to move in, or not, or something in between you’d be alright with that. And with that you collected yourself and went back to cleaning up his kitchen floor.

“Hey, I’m sorry about earlier.” You heard Marcus call as he came in. You were so focused on returning his kitchen to a somewhat decent state before he got back that you hardly even heard the door. “Turns out they left the rookie alone and he panicked when-“ He went on, his voice amplifying slightly as he made his way down the hall before stopping short in the entryway to the kitchen. “What are you doing down there?” He asked with an entertained lilt to his voice. You could see the smile on his face without even looking up.

“Nothing! I just may or may not have dumped half a bag of flour on your kitchen floor trying to make brownies...” You said, straightening up so you were no longer eclipsed by the island.

“I swear I leave you alone for one-“ He starts out sarcastically but then pauses as you notice his gaze shift slightly. “Are you wearing my shirt?” He asked, the amused grin returning once again as he wandered a little closer to you. You looked down and back up at him as you felt heat rise to your face. You felt like you’d been caught red handed in the midst of a crime and you weren’t entirely sure why.

“My dress might have been caught in the crossfire as well.” You simper bashfully. “I figured this was better than nothing.” You say finally with a slight shrug.

“I’m not so sure about that.” He said with a playful raise of his eyebrows. “But I’m certainly not complaining.” He murmured softly with a contented sigh as he pulled you close enough that he could lock his arms loosely around your waist. There was something about seeing you in his clothes that he couldn’t place. Perhaps it was the fact that without anything else on, it left those legs of yours that he loved so much stunningly exposed. Or maybe it was the fact that it made you look unmistakably his. He wasn’t a possessive man but it was certainly nice to be reassured. Whatever it was, he knew he liked it a whole lot as he felt your warmth radiating from under the familiar material. “This is a good look for you.” He smirked as he let his eyes rack over you once again. And you chuckled softly knowing you looked like a wreck.

“Don’t tease me! I just made you dessert!” You exclaim jocularly, giving him a lighthearted nudge.

“I’m not teasing you! I think you should keep it.” He says defensively, his voice rising in pitch ever so slightly. “And speaking of keeping things...” his face growing ever so slightly more serious as he readjusts his grip on your hips. “About that key.” He clarifies. “I just wanted to let you know that there’s no rush to give it back.” He says coolly before his face screws up slightly. “Not that I want it back- In fact the opposite of that- this isn’t making any sense. Damn this was gonna be really romantic and I just screwed it up.” He chuckles nervously, his eyes flicking up to the ceiling.

“Marcus.” You hum, bringing him back down to earth. “Just say it.” You murmur, an affectionate smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

“Will you move in with me?” He sighs through a heavy breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding and you’re pulled right back into the moment you’d tugged this shirt over your head, the incredible calm and simultaneous sense of excitement washing over you and that confidence that you were ready for this. That this was the man you wanted to be with. Just as you’re opening your mouth to respond the oven timer goes off.

“I guess we’ll never know, I gotta get the brownies.” You giggle and he rolls his eyes, tugging at your wrist lightly so you knock back into him.

“The brownies can burn.” He whispers genially as he presses his forehead to yours in a gesture the two of you had adopted.

“Yes.” You beam through a bite of your lip before tilting your head up to catch his mouth with yours and wrapping your arms around the back of his neck. You can feel his warm hands slipping under the edge of your shirt and sliding up the smooth skin of your waist where his thumbs rub soft circles just above your hips as he leans into you.

“The brownies.” He mumbles against your lips after a few moments like this.

“The brownies can burn.” You quip back.

Masterlist

Interested in being added to my tag list? Let me know!

[plugloveff]

Chapter 8

Aria: 

“Where are they? Party started like an hour ago” I asked looking down at my Rolex.

It was Chanel’s 25th birthday and her party was in full swing. However the birthday girl was nowhere to be found.

“I just texted Meek, he said they’re on their way now.” Cassidy said looking down at her phone.

“Seriously how does this girl take so long to get ready all of the time?” I asked shaking my head.

“Baby relax, she’ll be here soon. Come have a drink with me” Dre said taking my hand and walking to the bar.

Sighing I leaned against the bar scanning the drink menu. Dre wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. With him being so wrapped around me I could finally feel my body starting to relax.

“What can I get you?” The bartender asked.

“Can I get a #95” I said pointing at the custom drink menu we’d created for her birthday.

“And you sir?“

“I’ll have the same” Dre said. Watching as the bartender went to work on making our drinks I looked down at my watch again and Dre nipped at my shoulder.

“Ow, what’d you do that for?” I asked.

“Stop looking at your watch, they’re coming. You guys did great this place looks amazing. You need to relax, you’ve been going crazy for the past couple days about this” he said.

“I know, I just want her to enjoy herself, this is the first time since we’ve met that she hasn’t had a huge party or went on vacation. I just want her to know that we appreciate her and we want to celebrate this big milestone” I said.

“Your sweet, you know that?“

Smiling I nodded my head, "I know."

Planting a soft kiss on my shoulder, he stood up straight just as the bartender handed us our drinks.

"Thank you” I said picking up my glass and taking a sip.

Turning around to face Dre, I smiled at him as dark brown eyes bore into mine. Andre was like no man I’d ever experienced in my life. He was stern, but gentle. He had never handled me with anything other than care. His guard was always up, he didn’t allow much people to see who he really was expect for the people he kept close. And to have the privilege to get close to him meant he cared about you. He’d shown me more love in the last three months than I’d received in the past 25 years.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing, I just don’t know what I’d do without you” I said.

“Aww, you going soft on me?” he asked mockingly.

“Only for you” I said standing on my tippy toes and giving him a kiss on the lips.

“Umm, I like the sound of that” he said gripping my waist.

“Come on before you try and do something nasty” I said taking his hand.

“Nah I’ll behave, but when I get you home it’s a wrap” he whispered in my ear causing a jolt of electricity to course though my body. I felt the pulse between my legs and my thighs clenched in response. The smirk on Dre’s face told me he’d noticed the effect he’d had on me.

“Don’t” I said groaning and dragging him back to where our friends were sitting.

“Cass, is Cash coming?” Stephanie asked.

“Why you asking me? I’m not his keeper” she replied looking down at her phone.

“Bitch please, you gone act like you not texting his ass right now?” Steph asked.

“Oh you fucking with Cash Cassidy? I'm about to start calling you C-money ” Wayne said blowing the smoke the blunt he was smoking out of his mouth.

“Oh my gosh, no I’m not fucking with him” Cassidy replied, but the crack in her voice told us other wise.

“Ummhm, we can just ask him now since he just walked in"

"What?” Cassidy asked her eyes flew up from her phone and looked around.

We all bust out laughing. “Umm, but you not checking for him right?” Steph asked

Cassidy flipped her off and went back to scrolling through her phone.

Pulling up a chair Dre sat and pulled me onto his lap. “I hope y'all getting ready for our Christmas trip” I said.

“Hell yeah, I can’t wait. It’s going to be so dope” Steph said.

“Where we going again?” Dre asked.

“Aspen baby. So you better make sure you got some warm clothes” I said.

“We live in Miami, where the fuck am I supposed to find snow gear out here” Wayne asked.

“It’s called online shopping Dwayne” Stephanie replied.

“What I told you about calling me that?"

"It’s your name nigga” Steph stated matter of factly.

"Only my mother call me that shit" he said.

"Wasn't you calling me mommy last night?"

"Honestly do you guys stop?" Cassidy asked in disgust.

Before Wayne could answer with a smart comment. The DJ was on the mic; “The guest of honor has finally arrived. On the count of three I want everyone to wish Chanel a happy birthday." He announced.

We all turned our attention to the door.

"One.. Two.. Three"

"Happy Birthday Chanel” we all screamed as Chanel and Meek walked out hand in hand. They looked like they belonged on the cover of a magazine. Chanel wore a Dior swimsuit and a white knit skirt and matching Dior sandals. Her hair fell in loose curls down her back and her face was made up to perfection. Meek wore Dior trunks that matched Chanel’s swimsuit with white Dior sneakers and a white t-shirt.

Walking over to us Chanel flashed us a million dollar smile. “Oh my gosh, you guys this looks amazing” she said looking around the backyard.

The backyard was decorated with White and Purple balloons. There was a Taco truck, a Hibachi station, a Sweets table and a fully stocked bar. Meek also insisted we had a tent for a dispensary so everyone had enough weed for the entire night. The guest list was small but there was no expense spared for her big day.

“Well you know we had to go big for your 25th” I said giving her a hug.

“Happy Birthday Coco” Steph said giving her a hug.

“Thank you guys this is amazing. Y'all about to make me cry” she said giving the rest of the group a hug.

“Nah, you did enough of that already” Meek said.

“Chanel you were crying? On your birthday ?” I asked.

“It’s his fault, he’s been spoiling me all week” she said pointing at Meek.

“Because that’s his job” Cassidy said.

“Thank you sis. Please tell her ass again for me” he said.

Laughing Chanel shook her head and pouted. “Honestly you guy’s I love y'all so much” she said.

“We love your ass too Coco, now enough of all this sentimental shit. It’s time to get lit. It’s your birthday I’m getting your ass fucked up tonight” Wayne said.

Cassidy: 

"I’ll be right back, I have to get something from my car” I said getting up from my chair and stumbling into the house.

I was on my sixth shot of 1942 thanks to Wayne and I was starting to feel the effects of it.

Grabbing my car keys I walked out of the house and onto the driveway. Opening my trunk I pulled out the two gift bags I left and closed the trunk. When I felt a pair of hands on my waist.

“Who the fuc-” I started to say when I turned around and saw him standing in front of me.

“Damn you expecting someone else?” Cash asked looking down at me.

Smiling I shook my head no. “You just can’t be sneaking up on me like that” I said.

“My bad, I forgot I’m dealing with a gangster” he said smirking.

“Exactly, you could’ve gotten yourself hurt” I said.

“Ummhmm, I bet."

I watched as his tongue came out wetting his top lip. My thighs clenched thinking about how good his tongue would feel between them. I groaned in frustration, because the thought alone had my body hot. I felt like a little caesar’s pizza hot and ready just for Cash.

"What’s going on in that pretty little head of your’s?” he asked me placing a hand on my car trapping me.

“Umm, nothing” I said.

“You sure? Because the way your clenching your thigh’s together and the way your hearts pounding tells me otherwise"

"I’m just hot” I said.

“Umm, I can see that” he said tucking a strand of hair behind my ear with his free hand. His thumb grazed my cheek and I shivered at the contact.

“You know I’ve been thinking about you everyday since the last time I saw you?” he said.

“Have you now?"

"Ummhmm, that’s why I been blowing up your phone everyday. I don’t usually chase a girl but you. Ms Cassidy I can’t help myself.”

“Why is that” I asked looking up at him.

“I’m not sure but you’re doing something to a nigga” he said lowering his face so that we were eye level. He was so close, too close I could feel the heat of his breath on my face. Our lips were touching as he spoke to me, my body felt like I was on fire.

I wasn’t sure if it was the liquor or the fact that I hadn’t had sex in months. But I couldn’t take it anymore, dropping the gift bags I grabbed his shirt and pulled him into me pressing my lips against his. Cash groaned as he pushed me against the trunk, he pressed his dick against me and I moaned against his lips.

When he broke the kiss, I was breathless. I’d never had a kiss that made me feel like I was weightless.

“What are you doing to me Cassidy?” he asked looking down at me.

“I was just going to ask you the same question” I said.

Cash stared down at me, and I could see the heat in his hazel eyes. He wanted me and god I wanted him so badly. Feeling my phone vibrating in my pocket I looked away from him and pulled it out. It was a message from Chris.

Chris: Hey babe I hope you’re having fun, tell Chanel I said Happy birthday and I’ll see you tonight when you get home I Love you.

Quickly closing the message I looked back up and Cash was watching my every move.

“Umm, we should get back to the party"

Cash glared about me, "I hope you know I’m not letting up on you lil mama. I’m applying heavy pressure”

“Actions speak louder than words” I said.

“I don’t have nothing if I don’t have my word lil mama"

Nodding I reached for the gift bags but Cash got to them before me. "Lead the way gorgeous.”  

Walking back into the backyard I could feel Cash’s eyes on me the entire time I walked.

“Aye my boy” Meek said walking up to Cash and embracing him.

“Wassup G” Cash said.

“Cassie, you had to get his ass? He too good to enter alone?"

"Nah, I ran into him when I was getting some gifts out of my car. I didn’t even think he was coming"

"You knew I wouldn’t miss a party especially not one when you’re going to be there” he said looking down at me.

I blushed and Meek smirked at the two of us. “Parties starting to wind down so it’ll just be us soon”

“Cash, you made it” Stephanie said with a smirk on her face. Groaning I rolled my eyes and took a seat.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Happy birthday Coco” Cash said giving Chanel a hug and handing her an envelope. It was so stuffed that it barely closed. A stack of hundreds peeked out.

“Thank you Cash, you really didn’t have too” she said.

“Aye you family now, we always take care of family” he said nodding at Meek who nodded his head in agreement.

After greeting the rest of the crew he came next to me and tapped my leg, motioning for me to stand up. When I did he took my seat and pulled me onto his lap. “Much better” he said in my ear and I smirked as I felt Chanel, Aria and Steph’s eyes watching our every move.

I knew I was playing with fire, I had two men in my life but there was only one that I wanted. I had to get rid of Chris and quick, before this got ugly.

Ahmeek:

"Ok, I’m exhausted and I’m way to drunk to drive home” Cassidy said laying down on the couch.

“I think we’re all too drunk to move, there is more than enough space in this house. You guy’s can just stay here” Chanel said sitting up.

“You sure?” Aria asked.

“Yeah we have seven bedrooms, me and Meek only need one” she said.

“Shit you don’t have to tell me twice” Wayne said picking up a sleeping Stephanie and walking up the stairs.

“Yeah, Dre we should head to bed to” Aria said.

“Umhm but I’m taking the room two doors away from them” he said.

“The bedrooms are soundproof” I said.

“Oh word?” Dre asked looking at Aria.

“Andre, let’s go” Aria said as Dre smirked walking up the stairs.

“Alright, I’m exhausted and very drunk. The room feel’s like it’s spinning so I should go to bed. I’m sure you guy’s can find yourself to your room” Chanel said getting up from the couch. "Baby don't take forever coming to bed" she said giving me a kiss before walking up the stairs.

“I’m going to head up too” Cassidy said following Chanel up the stairs. Leaving Cash and I alone; “So Cassie huh?” I asked.

Cash, sighed and ran a hand down his waves. “What you want me to say? I fuck with her I can’t change that” he said.

I scuffed knowing the exact feeling, them Wright girls were a different breed. Once they hooked you were hooked forever. I knew first hand how deep that hook was, the thing’s I’d do for Chanel Wright was insane.

“You know she has a boyfriend right?"

Cash, sucked his teeth "That nigga, can become a distant memory. If it ever comes to it, but I’m not worried about him. He’s just a place holder”

Laughing I shook my head and leaned over resting my elbows on my knees. “Just be careful with that” I said.

“Always G” he said standing and patting my shoulder before jogging up the stairs to bed.

Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and headed upstairs to my own bed.

When I walked into our bedroom, Chanel was spread across the bed. Stepping out of my clothes I removed my chain and watch and climbed into bed beside her.

Her eyes fluttered open, “I love you” she said curling into the side of my body.

“I love you too” I said kissing her forehead and falling asleep.

[nikkigrand]

There’s no easy way to say this, but I’m abandoning all of my works. Everything.

This post is going to be long, honest, triggering and deeply personal. So for those who don’t want to read through all of my bullshit, the gist is that I’m not emotionally or mentally capable of writing anymore.

TW ARE IN PLACE.

If you’ve followed me for a while, then you know that my boyfriend was killed in Afghanistan last year. Since then, my life has been a breathless decline into self destruction. I didn’t know—I still don’t know—how to recover from happily waiting for his return to painfully knowing he never will. I swear that some days I feel like he’s still out there and some day he’ll come home and this will all be just a bad dream. I want to wake up to a reality where he steps off that plane and into my arms, where I don’t keep a crumpled old t shirt that smells more of me than him under my pillow, where the shock of hearing certain songs doesn’t make me throw up. A reality where I don’t have to sit in front of his ashes every time I visit his mother and look at his singed necklace around her neck.

I wanted nothing more than to wake up. Just wake the fuck up and feel alive again because for so long I had felt this choking pain and grief and misery and then nothing.

Everything became an escape, something to fill that void in me. I tried all the healthy things. I ate, I worked out, I ran. I talked to people about how I felt and reached out, but nothing helped. I volunteered, i planted trees and flowers, I channeled my grief into kindness. I tried to take all this pain and turn it into something beautiful, and still I felt nothing. I was falling falling falling into this black pit and was reaching for anything to keep me from hitting the bottom.

So I started chasing highs. The standard shit at first. I drank so much alcohol that I’d wake up in bushes with my friends, limbs tangled in ways that left me sore and stinging for days because who the hell passes out in a Rose bush?

At first, drinking was fucking hell, because no matter how much I drank I’d always end up with my head cradled in the palms of my hands, fingers digging into my scalp as I screamed and wailed and asked why why why why when he was so close to coming home and why was life so goddamn mean??? I’d be in bar bathrooms, just curled in the corner and sobbing like a dramatic princess until my friends carried me out. This happened about a dozen times before it just stopped, because I figured I wasn’t drinking enough if I could remember everything.

So I drank more and more and more and then I realized that it wasn’t making me feel better, it wasn’t doing anything for me.

So I started smoking. Just weed, you know. Nothing too crazy at the time. But all that did was make me hyper-fixate on all of my failures and short comings. It made me hate myself so viscerally, so deeply that I wondered if this is who I truly am at my core. A mean bitch who drinks, smokes, parties. A maneater who fucks these poor kind hearted men to fill that hole her dead man left inside her and still finds herself cold and numb after because it’s not enough. It’s never enough.

I’m sure you know where this is going. But I hated myself. I’m a beautiful girl, I’m not blind, and yet I found myself to be so fucking ugly. So fucking ugly and grey and all I wanted—all I needed—was something to breathe life into me the way life itself did before.

I just wanted to feel happy and normal. Only for a little while. That need was so encompassing it would grip my insides and I’d cry from how much I wanted it, how much I had convinced myself I needed it. It was all I fucking wanted.

So the bumps came. And then the lines. And then whole baggies to myself. And it felt amazing, it was wonderful. The world was alive, things were different. I had more energy, more life in me than I had in months. Then the other type of lines came and it made me feel like I was floating away. There was no pain, no misery, no death hanging over my shoulder to remind me that the strength of your love can’t make people stay.

But soon, that too wasn’t enough. Like every other thing, I felt there was something better, something that could make me feel more. So here is where I tell you about all the pills I popped, all the different colored presses and how each one pulled me out of that hole I was falling into and deposited me above the ground —much higher than I could have ever dreamed of—and filled my grey world with beautiful gorgeous colors.

Then I can tell you about all the tabs I let dissolve on my tongue, or fully swallowed out of impatience, all of the lines of ketamine I combined with ecstasy and acid in one night. The things I saw, the way I felt—it took me far from this dismal life and was addicting. I was chasing something every weekend until it became every other day, chasing some feeling I still can’t name, and I knew that it was ruining me.

My grief and my drugs were killing me, and I knew it. With every cotton mouth, every clenched jaw, every pounding headache, I fucking knew and didn’t care. I’d look at my friends faces and I knew, I knew they loved me and would be devastated if they knew what I was doing, and I still didn’t care. What was life if it felt this empty?

My grades dropped, i turned down a contracting job I wanted for years, I spent all my money on psychedelics and stimulants, and it had gotten to a point where I’d pop a pill while sitting at home just because I didn’t want to be sober and didn’t want to think about how fucked up my life was becoming.

Then one day I was at a concert, high in the clouds with a joint settled comfortably between my lips and frizzy hair piled messily atop my head, when I saw a girl get carried out the venue by medics. She was probably a few years younger than I am, and i remember looking at her face impassively as they pushed through the crowd with her body thrown over this bear of a man’s shoulder as if in slow motion. She was pale and foaming at the mouth, with her arms dangling limply down his back, and she looked dead—she was dead. I knew in that same way you know that the sky is blue when the sun is up, I just knew.

And in that moment—those few seconds it took me to acknowledge that she had most likely overdosed and died—this intense yearning shot through me, so strong that I felt it in the crooks of my fucking elbows, like I wanted to embrace whatever the fuck it was that I desired to live inside me, and this voice cried out, “I wish that were me.”

And you know what, I didn’t even know I had spoken until the guy next to me shoved me in the shoulder and said, “no you don’t.”

And that terrified me. I remember dropping the joint, fumbling it in my shaking fingers, burning myself on the lit end, before handing it off to that same random guy and running off to get some air.

I’m not stupid and I’m not blind. I know I’m depressed, I know I’ve got issues, but I had never said something so suicidal out loud up until that point. I’ve never vocally wished for death and even as I sat there, as I looked out at the people outside the venue huddled together doing whip it’s and killing brain cells, I still wanted to be that poor dead girl on that man’s shoulders.

That was it for me. I remember calling an Uber home on the spot and taking everything I had and flushing it. Im not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you that it was easy. I had convinced myself that I needed these things to make me happy, and i don’t know if I can ever see life the same way after them. The feelings you get off these things are otherworldly, it’s so damn good, but they come at a price. You dont feel the same way you did before you took them, and you never will. You’ll never be who you were before that high, but you can almost convince yourself that it’s worth it. So it was pretty damn hard to take my neon presses, my rocks. my capsules, my bud and my tabs, and flush them down the toilet.

Almost immediately after I did it, I cried. Mostly because i had flushed hundreds of dollars down the fucking toilet, but also because I had become that girl in those cheesy college movies. You know the one, the one where the party girl gets addicted to drugs and goes on a bender and her whole life is just one big goddamn tragedy that won’t end. I hate those fucking movies and I, for the life of me, could not believe I was that girl.

I had been military, straight laced with a good head on my shoulders and a hard worker. I was smart, respected, the girl everyone wanted to bring home to mom. And now I was a hot mess crying in my bathroom because I had just flushed my addiction down the shitter.

Now I’m just home, trying to gather the pieces of myself in a way that doesn’t cause long term damage when I’ve yet to hit my 27th birthday.

I still go out with my friends. They know nothing about what I’ve done because I’ve always gone out and done things alone. This is the first time I’ve ever spilled my guts.

So where does FanFiction come into play in all this. Well, it’s simple, really, if you’ve gotten to this point and picked out all the mistakes in grammar. My brain is so fucked up that I can barely write a passable 3 page essay. I can’t remember words, much less how to string them together to form something beautiful in the way I used to. Trust me, it kills me and I’ve agonized over it for hours. I once tried to take this amazing idea I had and put it to paper but it would just not flow. Nothing made sense. Where before writing was effortless and focused, now my brain could barely concentrate on forming a sentence that didn’t sound like gibberish.

My attention span is so short that I literally have to isolate myself with no internet and my textbooks to get work done. It’s so bad that I have anxiety and panic attacks about the fact that I feel like a whole dumbass with one brain cell, where before I was proud of my intelligence and could hold decent conversation.

I’m still pretty, as if that fucking matters, but now I’ve got a stutter and can’t hold eye contact because my paranoia makes me think they’re judging me. And let me tell you, I’m so fucking pissed about that because I know it’s just my fried brain thinking these things, and there’s no one to blame but myself.

And I still feel empty and numb. How can I write about love and human emotions when I don’t feel anything? How can I write about looking at someone and loving them when the memory of love faded like my lover’s ashes in the wind? I just can’t.

I know love as it whispers against my skin with each interaction between me, friends, even other men, and yet I look at them and feel absolutely nothing.

So Yeah, I can’t write my stories if I can’t get my brain or my heart to work.

I’m really sorry to all my loyal readers. I really am. I wish I had been stronger. Thank you for all of your support throughout the years.

Don’t do drugs.

[ellaintrigue]

Be so. So. Careful

Over the span of my early adult life I started to build a controversial reputation. Not that anyone knows who I am, but in general, across the local area, friends of my parents, and family know of me. My ex brought chaos throughout my life with his gradual decline from mental illness and my refusal to censor my body or feminist beliefs has led to harsh judgment. And you can't listen to the gossipers, but it's there.

I suppose some think that a "fat" "whore" in a bikini with a crazy past may have low self-esteem, but it is the opposite. I feel pretty good about myself and don't want to meet anyone that could ever hurt me again. I love my body and love my scars and when a woman with stretch marks or a big tummy poses in a bikini, I love her too. It's 2020, let's love one another instead of judging pasts and shaming women.

Now, while we should not be hung up on the past, I've had a long healing process. And although many of us try our best, skeletons in the closet sometimes come back to life. This post is going to offend some people but it's been brewing in my mind for over a month now.

What may seem like it is none of my business, is, when brought into my life. I've been a victim and that's on those that chose to hurt me, but all victims know this: we must do what we can to protect ourselves in the future.

I'm an alcoholic. I function but I drink. I pay for my habit and stay out of people's way. While drinking is obviously bad, I have never hurt anyone else with my habit. My ex, on top of having untreated mental illness, had a problem. He would go months without drinking then go on days long benders, causing property damage, getting into fights, and getting arrested, building up fines. In the end he stole $800 in silver coins that I had, my last asset left after I lost my life savings to medical bills. I was at work that night. He had broken in my house, grabbing the coins, and my truck keys. He stole my truck, took it to the gas station, and bought a bunch of Natty Daddys, giving the cashier 4 solid silver coins for each beer. $800 for tallboys that cost just over $1 each at the time. My ex told me he thought the large mint coins were "quarters."

A year after I left my ex, a cousin recommended a painter to my mother, for my house. I do not own my house. I have nothing, I lost everything to medical bills and my ex stole the rest. I own my car and truck, that's it. So thank God for mom who is kind enough to let me stay here and I pay the costs that I can. Thank her for painting the house and getting new siding.

But the first painter was a flop. You can't judge on people's pasts, and people's looks... but sometimes you can... I fought my ex for 2 years after leaving him, he became a violent stalker. So I requested for the painter to call me before stopping by my house because I was easily spooked. But unexpectedly, I looked out my window to see a pickup truck in my yard. So I went outside and saw a scraggly man in the yard, on the phone. "Excuse me! Who are you??" I asked. He glared at me, yelled he was the painter, then walked away. It was not a good first impression.

Finally he talked to me briefly, canning his attitude for a moment. He was thin and gaunt with a cigarette shaking in his hand. His face had a grey hue and his eyes were sunken. He rasped out some details then left. He was in his 50's but looked almost 70. And he never came back, he just walked away with mom's $3,000. Mom thought he was licensed and reliable since family had recommended him. I said over and over before that happened, though: I did not like the way the motherfucker looked.

Court ensued and mom won. But before the trial, the guy approached my mom trying to talk things over, which made me scared. He knew I was alone at my house at the time, what if he wanted revenge? What if he burned the fucking house down? We had looked at his record after he stole: drug charges, assault, DUIs, abuse of a minor, multiple domestic violence charges, malicious destruction of property, theft, and stealing from homeowners using his business aka being paid and not doing his work. The guy was a drug addict.

Now, I'm not saying all druggies and drunks are nasty pieces of shit... but, do I need them in my life? I am sorry, but no, it is not my preference. My childhood friend passed in 2017 from opiates after years of addiction and hurting people with it. A round faced smiling child had turned into a criminal that relied on drugs and didn't care how she got them. At any time I can close my eyes and bring up her last photo in my thoughts. Her once beautiful green eyes, dull and sunk into her face, mere weeks before she overdosed at home.

My last ex was boring in this aspect, his vices were cigs and soda. He did not drink or do drugs, not even pot. I liked that about him. I'm fine with weed but he had his shit together and worked, despite a criminal past.

Past... disregard it only when you can. And my ex worked multiple jobs and worked his way up. Often when a man gets out of jail or prison he ends up doing various manual labor jobs but I notice basic retail and fast food positions are common. Also things like yard work, dishwashing, etc. You have to get what you can get and report it to whomever concerned. It must be rough to start over like that. Clearly my wacko ex never made it but that's how the stats go.

While only close to mom, dad, and Erin, I love and respect extended family, who are kind to me, including cousins on my dad's side. Well, everyone thinks I'm a short little fatty, which, yeah, I am. But I'm cocky and talk to whoever so I'm guilty of going after men that could have been models. And it's fine to laugh at me over that, I laugh at myself. However I don't date much or talk about it anymore so I was surprised when my cousin mentioned this guy she went to high school with and kept pushing me to talk to him. At first I didn't view it as a dating thing since I'm not attracted to anyone over 40 and said he could add me if he needed a friend but he never did. A month later she was still bringing him up and asked me why I hadn't contacted him. And I just said, hey, I'm not desperate for a man, don't need the "help" but thank you.

But, it triggered me. While I’m rarely insecure, I went into defense mode when I saw the guy on FaceBook. He was 45 but looked 55, sunken eyes, no teeth, and just a miserable looking face. I don't go around calling people ugly. But it was the same gaunt druggie look as the painter that ripped off my mom. He posted weird rants and yelled at people in his comments over petty things. I showed his picture to my friends and the rest of my family and my soft mannered, intelligent Norwegian philosopher friend of many years even took one look at the guy and said, "he looks like a neo-Nazi child molester." Another friend, that had been in jail, said, "stay the fuck away from him, he's bad news."

So while wondering if it was my "slutty" bikini pictures or the fact I had dated my crazy ex that made me so qualified to take on this dude in my cousin's eyes, I did searches on him and it showed he had a criminal record. I wasn't going to pay to read into it but I now knew, between his profile and public records that he was a recovering addict, had a record, and worked as a grocery store stocker which is a perfectly fine job, but again, one of the low paying basic jobs someone fresh out of the pen might get.

Since I'm a passive-aggressive psycho I confronted my cousin with all this. And she just says she knew the guy in high school and that he drank sometimes. She knew nothing of drugs, a record, or him missing teeth. And I wish that dude would open his damn mouth wider because in the one pic where I can see, it's just a drooping black hole. He was trying to be sexy in that photo and in the comments under his shirtless body with cheesy tribal tattoos he does the shrugging man-emote and says "I'm going through my slut phase, mkay?" Now my ex had no teeth and that was fine by me but he wasn't drugged out either and had a nice pink face. But what if I didn't check into this guy? What if I didn't think? What if I decided he was cute and let him into my life and got abused and ripped off again? Sure, people can rebuild and bounce back but it's still extremely common to relapse and hurt people all over again.

...Be careful... be so careful...

Mid-way through 2017, a lawyer emailed me a picture of the unfortunate painter so I could identify him and I honestly couldn't say it was the man. A picture several years old featured a smiling man with bright eyes and a flesh colored face. The man in my yard that day looked like a frozen corpse.

Past is past and looks are looks but when you lay down with dogs you wake up with fleas.

Be careful who you associate with, and who you introduce to people.

[13-reasons-ideas]

Finding Peace In Another Part 19

A/N: T/W: Discussion of drug addiction and dating violence. This chapter is coming out a few days early and I’m sorry for the delay, I've been really busy with school. I hope everyone is coping well with the virus and isn't going to stir crazy. Also note that this is a work of free fiction and as such I’m not sticking to exact US immigration protocol. Much love!

A few weeks after my dinner with Scott, things were going well. His suspicions were quelled, Monty and I were good and there were no lingering issues with me hanging out with Scott. Since things had calmed down some, I decided to partake in my new favourite pastime. Recently I started surprising Justin at Monet’s after his shifts.

“Hey Justin, can I get peach tea and a raspberry scone please?”

“Coming right up. Usual table?”

“Depends, do you have leftovers?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see. I’m beginning to think you’re only using me for a baked good fix.”

“Maybe. I do bake as a hobby though, so its definitely more that I like you.”

He laughed as I took my drink and wandered over to the table. I people watched while he finished his shift.

“So, how are things with you?” I asked, casually after he sat down.

“You know, things are going. Clay is kind of oblivious to things, mom and dad are trying to judge what they should and shouldn’t push me on. The usual stuff. You?”

“Yeah. Things are going with me too. Dad still occasionally pops in town for a few days before going to wherever he needs to again. Still acts like I don’t essentially live on my own. I think he’s going to be in town for like two weeks sometime soon so that will be interesting.”

“Oh?” He asked, surprised. “Interesting how?”

I had to be careful how I answered. Man, this hiding our relationship thing is getting hard. “Well, he could decide to actually parent me. I’m an adult though so that could cause problems. May end up being a very silent couple of weeks.”

“Sounds like a trip.” He said, laughing.

“Justin. The last time he was home for any length of time, he told me to go look for a job.”

“Uh, why?”

“I have no idea. I can’t even legally work here. Dad’s work did something with the paperwork or something because I am still in high school. I literally can’t work, even if I wanted to.”

“I know. That makes no sense. Could tell him to send you home really.” He said, jokingly. There was a skepticalness to his tone that seemed to indicate he was nervous for my answer.

“What? No. I have finally finished settling in and have begun to think of Evergreen County as my second home. Alberta will always be my home, but that doesn’t mean I want to move back. I still don’t understand your reluctance for universal healthcare but that’s fine. Technically it hasn’t been long enough to be removed from Alberta Healthcare, but I’m not about to go to the trouble of going all the way home to deal with something that can be dealt with here. Dad haggled and made them give him really good insurance to move here and give up the free healthcare.”

“Okay good. Because we like you and don’t want you to leave.”

We talked about some school stuff for a while before I noticed him start to seem a little restless. I knew about his addiction issues and we talked about it often. “Hey, you still with me Justin?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sorry what were we talking about?”

“Math test, but that’s not important. How are you doing right now?” I asked, subtly referencing the possible cause of his restlessness.

He sighed before answering, “I’m doing okay I guess.”

“Do you want to talk about it? We can go for a walk if you’re not comfortable talking here.”

After a moment he nodded. I got up and went to order us two coffees to go while he waited, trying to organize his thoughts.

“You ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s go. Your usual?”

I rolled my eyes at him. Obviously.

We left the shop and wandered around a bit before he broke the silence. “It’s just harder than I expected it to be. Even with going to meetings, it’s hard to manage sometimes.”

“I get it. Have you talked to your sponsor at all?”

“I call him every afternoon to check in but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. And I want to talk to Jess about it, but I don’t want to scare her or push her away. And I want to talk to mom and dad about it but I don’t want them to be mad or….”

“Or what Justin?”

“Or kick me out or something? I don’t know.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t happen, but I hear you and I understand what you mean.” We sat on a park bench and people watched for a while. “You should tell Jess. Trust me when I tell you she is probably going to figure something out sooner or later.”

He looked at me in surprise, “You…?”

“No, not me. My ex-boyfriend was a prescription drug addict. Percocet was his drug of choice. He was in quasi-recovery, still drank and smoked weed so not actually trying stay sober, when we started dating. It wasn’t pills though so I wasn’t going to push the issue. But as time went on, he started using again and tried to hide it from me. It wasn’t that hard to figure it out. Things got… bad towards the end. Not that you would ever… just. I knew.”

“Oh. I-I didn’t know. Are you like, okay?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t that bad. If we stayed together it would have been worse, but thankfully we ended up breaking up after he went on a bender and I said enough was enough. But we aren’t talking about me, we are talking about you.”

“Do you think she would understand?”

“I think so. It might be hard at first, but I think she will. And she needs to hear it from you, not figure it out on her own like I did or be told by someone else. That will make it easier.”

“And my parents?”

“If you want, I can go with you to talk to them.”

“I think that would be good, yeah.”

“What do you want to do Justin?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what do you need? Do you need to go to more meetings? Do you need someone to take you to meetings? Do you need to consider going to rehab? What do you need?”

“I don’t know. I know I need help. I just don’t know where to start. Why?”

“Because I want to help you. You’re my friend. And your parents will ask, so maybe thinking about it before you talk to them would be helpful. If not though, I understand. And if you need anything, just call me. Okay? Day or night.”

“Okay, I will. Thanks Becca.”

We chatted randomly for a while again before calling it a night and parting ways.

The next day went smoothly as well. At least until lunch that is. The guys were goofing off as usual and since Scott had seemed to quell his suspicions at least for now, Monty and I didn’t have to walk on eggshells as much around him anymore. Bailey called me about halfway through lunch. It wasn’t unusual for him to call me in the middle of the day, given he had a spare after lunch, but he didn’t usually call and then text and then call again. Odd. I hope everything is okay….

“Someone’s popular? Hot date you forgot about tonight Becca?” Garrison joked. I wasn’t looking at Monty but I knew his eye twitched ever so slightly, as it did whenever someone made a comment like that.

“Uh, yeah sure. Whatever Garrison.” I said, distracted as my phone began to ring again. Something is going on. I answered it at the table rude I know, but I don’t think a bunch of teenage boys care much about table etiquette. “Hey Bailey, what’s up?” I asked.

“Hey so I didn’t want to get involved or get you involved since you aren’t here to defend yourself, but I feel like you need to know. And it’s my problem because you’re my best friend.”

“Need to know what?” I put my hand up to quiet the boys down a bit.

“James has been… saying stuff. About you. And your relationship.”

“Uh okay? Why is that a problem?”

“Because of what he has been saying and what it involves regarding your relationship.”

“What has he been saying Bailey?” I felt my cheeks begin to warm and Monty and Zach’s eyes on me.

“He’s been telling our friends uh… intimate details about your erm… private relationship.”

I laughed in disbelief. That little prick. I took a deep breath to centre myself, though it did little to quell my growing anger. The table grew silent as I started to vibrate, “well Bailey. You tell James that if he keeps running his damn mouth, I will get on the next plane home, find him, and shove my foot so far up his ass he will taste it.” I heard Bryce let out a laugh and glared at him threateningly.

“Okay. Is it wrong that I would pay to watch that? Because that would be great.”

“Bailey.”

“Sorry, just trying to break the tension.”

“Has the little slime ball been saying anything else?”

“I mean, he complains about the end of your relationship, which I don’t like but that’s not unusual.”

“Remind him that I kept my mouth shut about a lot of shit he did, to protect him. And remind him about the little agreement we made when we broke up. I may not live there anymore, but my phone plan has international calling and I am on very good terms with the school resource officer.”

“What agreement Rebecca?”

“The agreement that keeps his dumb ass out of jail for various things that I cannot talk about right now. And certainly not with you.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t have money to bail you out of jail and the exchange rate is terrible right now. That’s why.”

“O-okay then. Talk later?”

“Yeah, I might call tonight but if not, later this week. Depends on my plans for the evening.” I heard a bell on the other end of the line.

“Gotta run, love you Becky.”

“Love you too Bear.”

When I looked up, the table was staring at me, slack jawed. Scott looked the least surprised out of the group, considering he had a little more insight than everyone else regarding my last relationship. “What?”

“What the fuck was that?” Matt asked.

“My ex was talking about shit he shouldn’t have been talking about.”

“Okay we got that much but… what was that?” Zach asked.

“You’re so small. How can such a small person have that kind of anger in them?” Garrison added.

“Could have something to do with people not watching where the hell they walk and stepping on me, or it could have something to do with my tolerance for bullshit getting lower and lower the older I get.”

“But you hang out with us. So, I don’t see how that is possible? That was kind of hot though.” Scott asked.

“No offence, but I’ve met second graders who exude more bullshit than you guys do all put together. Well if I knew that’s all it would take to turn you on Scott, I would have told Bailey to call me during lunch a long time ago.”

“Okay, that’s fair. Hurtful but fair. What can I say, it’s the simple things. Are you going to eat your apple?”

“Depends Scotty. Are you going to take it anyway?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“Uh huh. Since I don’t get a choice anymore, knock yourself out.” I chucked my apple at him, half hoping he would miss. He never did.

Zach and Monty shared a look. Still haven’t grasped subtlety yet I see. “Do you want my carrot sticks Monty? I’m not very hungry.”

“Why?”

“Big breakfast.”

“Right. Sure, not one to say no to free food. Even if they are someone’s leftovers.”

“They aren’t leftovers you meatball. I cut them this morning. I had green beans last night.”

“Do you eat other vegetables Becks?” Monty asked, teasingly, taking a bite of the stick.

“Dude, chew your fucking food.” Bryce chided.

“Why? What is this? Interrogate Rebecca day or something? Eat your damn carrot sticks.”

There was a beat of silence, where the boys sat with perplexed looks on their faces. Zach, bless him, jumped in with some game related question that I tuned out as it went over my head. I’m dating a sports player. I never said I understood any of it. The heat seemed to be off of us again, though I could feel Scott glancing my way every now and then while I tried to brush up on some geometry before math class.

I had full intentions to lessen Scott’s once again raised suspicions, so instead of waiting for Montgomery a minute or two after the lunch bell as usual, I merely waived goodbye to my friends and ran to math. I was the first one there so I pulled out the book I was reading between classes.

“Good book?” Cyrus asked, startling me as he sat down.

“God! You scared me. Yeah, I have read it a few times though.”

“Cool. Did you want to come hang out tonight? Mack is going to Chad’s place to talk boys or something.”

“Maybe, I’ll have to check my schedule.”

“Dad is making baked ziti for dinner. You can have a corner piece.” He bribed.

“A corner piece of ziti you say? Well in that case, my schedule is clear as day.”

“It’s a plan.”

Mr. Daniels started class a few minutes later. Will geometry ever get easier?

I met Cyrus at my locker after school and yelled a goodbye to my friends, who were having an animated discussion about who would in a fight, someone I had never heard of or some other guy I’ve never heard of. There was a chorus of ‘byes’ and grunts of acknowledgement. We parted ways and met again at his house.

“Hey Andrew.” I greeted his dad.

“Hey kids. How was school?”

“It was school dad. The establishment and crap.”

“I see you had a good day Cyrus.”

“At Liberty? Sure.”

“I had a pretty good day. I told my friend at home to tell my ex where he can stick his opinion. Do you need help with anything?”

“No, that’s okay thanks though Becca.”

“Oh this I need to hear.” Cyrus said, grabbing a Coke from the fridge.

“Pass me a Diet and I’ll tell you.” After opening my drink, I told the father and son the story of the lunch phone call.

His dad raised his brow and muttered something about punk ass little shits who don’t know their cocks from their feet.

“That is awesome dude. You should have told him to Facetime you when he told this James dickwad.”

“That would require me seeing the asshat’s stupid face. So no sadly.”

“Fair point. We are going to my room to do some homework Dad. Call when dinner is ready? I bribed her with a corner piece so save one for her.”

“For sure kids. Have fun.”

With that, we ran off to his room, but we didn’t work on the non-existent homework. Instead, we went through his records and Spotify account and argued about which to play. “Just go to a radio if it’s going to be an issue Cyrus.”

“No no. You’re my guest, you choose.”

“I already chose and you said no.”

“Fine. Defy it is. You’re lucky I like you.”

“Mhmm. Just play the damn album Cy.”

He laughed as he hit play and the sounds of Of Mice & Men filled the room.

“You better not have been lying about the corner piece man.”

“Lie to you about dad’s cooking? I would never.”

“Right. And I’m the Queen of England.”

We joked around for a while before dinner. Andrew called us down later and as promised, I had my crispy corner slice of ziti.

“Thank God it’s Friday. I want this week to be over. Thank you for dinner again.”

“Everything okay Becca? It’s no problem.” Andrew asked.

“Yeah, it’s just been busy. Lots of assignments and stuff.” Too much work and not enough boyfriend time.

“Well you have the weekend to relax at least.” Cyrus pointed out, waving his fork.

“If you don’t stop that, you’ll poke your eye out one of these days. Are you going to the game next Saturday, Cyrus?” “Maybe. Not really my scene.”

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun. We can not care about the sport together. It’s high school. You only go once.”

“Fine, but you are buying me popcorn.”

“Deal.” I said and shook his hand.

Andrew made sure to send me home with leftovers and a standing invitation to come for dinner any time at the end of the night.

[dontshootmespence]

The Fate That Befell Me

Chapter One - Hot Child in the City

Written By: @heycasbutt and myself

The click of heels against the polished cement floor was the only indication that Holden Ford wasn’t alone. He lifted his head from the thick file on his desk to see you pouring a cup of coffee across the room. 

“Agent Ford.” You smiled warmly and held out your hand. He took it tentatively as though he thought he would break you. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“And you are?” He smiled, rounding the desk and sliding his hands into the pockets of his neatly pressed slacks. 

“Dr. Y/L/N,” You stated, taking a sip of the tepid coffee in your hand and perching on the edge of the desk behind you. 

“I’m, well, you know my name. You can just call me Holden,” The young agent took a step toward you, his eyes darkening. Probably the lighting. “So, Dr?”

You nodded, “Yes. I just graduated a few months ago from the University of Virginia with my PhD in Psychology and a special emphasis in Abnormal Psychology.”

Holden’s eyes seemed to widen in disbelief as you choked back a small laugh. 

“What was it you were looking at when I came in, Agent F-Holden?” You laughed uncomfortably and shifted your weight between your feet. 

“Oh, this? It’s the file we have on Ed Kemper. It’s not much, but I think with a few more visits we’ll have something solid to stand on.”

“Why don’t you show me?” You pried, pushing off the desk and sliding the file off of Holden’s desk. The manila was cool against your hands, you slid a stray chair up to the desk and motioned for Holden to sit next to you.

“So..Kemper. He’s one intimidating motherfucker.”

You laughed softly at his slip of the tongue and watched as the young agent went beet red next to you.

“Literally and figuratively?” You quipped.

“Exactly,” Holden laughed, absentmindedly laying a hand on your knee as he dragged his finger down the page.

The comings and goings of fellow agents, the soft clacking of a typewriter, the distant ring of a telephone. It was all background noise as you listened to Holden. Watched his eyes light up when you interjected with an opinion or asked a question. His curiosity, his drive...it was intoxicating.

                                                              ---

“You’ve interviewed the co-ed killer?! Are you out of your fucking minds?” Shepard exclaimed, vein popping prominently against the side of his neck. “Did anyone sanction this?” He knew the answer. He just wanted you all to dig your own graves. 

Holden was a great agent - innovative, bright, driven, but his social graces left a little to be desired on occasion. “Sir, what we are doing can bring us insight into the criminal mind so that we can prevent this kind of thing from-”

“Spare me the bullshit,” he spat. 

Glancing to the side, you saw Bill attempting to swallow back whatever he was thinking. Holden on the other hand looked like he wanted to vomit out whatever was going on in his brain. 

“You will stop this immediately! Do I make myself clear?” Immediately, Bill nodded, though you could see the hesitation in his eyes. Even Holden agreed, at least to Shepard’s face. But you couldn’t. Not when this would make a difference in the entire field of law enforcement and criminal psychology. As you opened your mouth, you felt Bill put his hand on your shoulder, walking both of you out of Shepard’s office before anything else could be said.

“Bill, what the fuck?” You asked in a hushed whisper as you left the office. “You know this information can change the field. Just because Holden can’t formulate a thought in front of an authority figure doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be lobbying for this.”

Holden side-eyed you, offended. “I can too formulate a thought.”

“Only in front of people you perceive as equals. Then you apply that way of thinking to everyone you meet and not everyone responds the same way.”

You were pretty sure he mumbled bite me under his breath, but you let it go. This wasn’t about ragging on him, this was about making a difference in your field. “We need to lobby for this.”

“Did you see him?” Bill asked, gesturing toward Shepard’s office. “We back talk anymore and his head is going to pop off.”

“Holden?” You asked, hoping he might back you up now. 

“Maybe we approach him at a later date.”

“Good to know I’ve got the biggest balls of the three of us,” you replied, annoyed as you turned on your heels and walked back into Shepard’s office without waiting for an invitation. 

“If you’re here to talk about those interviews Agent Y/L/N, I will have you transferred.”

“Fine,” you said, not giving a shit. You were tired of men not listening. “But I’m going to say my piece then. You said our job is to put these people in prison right?”

“Yes. That is our job, Agent.”

“But you also said we need to quote, get ahead, of these guys. Well, how do you suppose we do that unless we understand why crazy, depraved people do the disgusting things they do. We can’t. We need to study them. Only then can we figure out what drives the sick and deranged so that we can spot future killers.” You caught your breath, realizing you hadn’t taken a breath since you walked back into his office. 

Holden and Bill came up on either side of you, not saying a word as Shepard bit his tongue in thought. “Fine, but you are limited to working on weekends and anything and everything you do will be cleared by me. Understand? You can set up in the basement.”

Vindication. You saw Holden give you a slight smile.

Although by the looks of it you were about to get chewed out by Bill for getting him put away in the basement after more than 20 years in law enforcement.

Oops.

                                                             ---

To protect and serve. It was so cliche it was almost worthy of vomit. But whatever, it was the truth. When someone came from your background, it was only natural to want to protect others. It was what you’d always wanted - to be part of the FBI. Ever since you were a kid, you knew that was where you were going to end up, because you weren’t about to settle for anything less. 

Now that you were here though, you kind of wanted to vomit. Tench was well-known throughout the Bureau, a stand-up family man who worked his ass off and put away some of the worst. Working with him was a privilege. And you had received that privilege. Hopefully, you wouldn’t vomit on his shoe. Tentatively, you knocked on the door, talking through it after he didn’t answer for a moment. “Special Agent Tench?”

“Special Agent Y/L/N,” he greeted warmly, hand outstretched. “Come in.”

He was different than you imagined. Softer. You imagined him having a tougher exterior. Being a hard nut to crack so to speak. Maybe you couldn’t always rely on your own upbringing to figure other people out. Maybe that was judgemental. Well, you weren’t perfect. A work in progress. “Special Agent Tench, it’s-”

“Bill,” he said informally, pulling out a chair for you to sit in. God, you hoped you didn’t blow this interview. 

“Bill,” you replied, the name feeling almost disrespectful but it was what he wanted. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am for the opportunity to interview here.”

“We are looking for someone to transcribe our interviews and another to give us a different perspective in a law enforcement capacity. But we need to weed out the people that are here to gawk and stare at the lust murderers and the like. Can you tell me what started you on the path in law enforcement?”

Wincing, you laughed uncomfortably. “Well, Bill. How much time do you have?”

                                                             ---

Bill lit a cigarette as the heavy metal doors of the elevator opened into the cold, menacing basement. 

“Back to the bottom of the totem pole I guess,” he grumbled, picking up his box of belongings and heading towards the menacing green door at the end of the hallway. 

You trailed behind him like a dog with its tail between its legs.

Bill turned around, taking in your conscience-stricken features and Holden’s incredulous expression.

He turned the key in the door as his stocky frame began to shake with laughter. “I’ve been here 23 years and never have I seen Shepard make that face. That was priceless. But you owe me a coffee for getting me banished...and not the bullshit Bureau coffee.”

“Fine,” you replied, a weight lifting from your chest. 

“But you know I was right.”

“Shut up.”

@stunudo @geekgirlofarchangels @suckdrugsdoass @nicolee-avery @ultrarebelheart @dorianfiftyshadesof-gray @cheesecakewritingappreciation (couldn’t tag your other account) @poppynightingale @starryrevelations @outoftheframework @iammusicaltheatretrash @dreammywitch @ladygrey03 @x-gambit-x @everybodywantstobetouched @santosmariane @cornishdawn-blog @shutupandlearn @mother-of-fandoms-250 @preposterousy @rominatrix

** Please leave feedback consistently (maybe every other or every two chapters). Tagging takes more time than you would think and neither @heycasbutt or I want to take the time if people don’t tell us what they think. @heycasbutt and I wrote this together, so if you like it, tell us! Inbox us and we’ll love you forever.

[rendreamafterdark]

4:20pm (m)

— lee jeno

** mature content; piss kink, unprotected sex, shower sex, oral female receiving, oral male receiving, mention of drugs, swearing, crazy stuff. **

Word Count: 3k

- Genre: Smut, Humor, CRACK, Fluff, (if you squint) Stoner!jeno AU

- Teaser: You borrow weed from the hottest stoner at university, but you don’t have the proper funds to pay him back.

you gently tug at the roots of your hair as you stare at the notes in front of you. with it being december, finals week was just around the corner. you were stressed as fuck about it, to say the least. stress was consuming you whole and you needed some sort of reliever. you hadn’t smoked weed since high school, but boy did some of the devil’s lettuce sound good right now.

“dammit,” you muttered to yourself, “everyone keeps telling me not to talk to him. i might just have to now.”

the only problem with getting the weed was who you were getting it from.

lee jeno. the one everyone warns you about. apparently he started smoking weed since he was in the womb. he smokes so much, everyone’s surprised he made it this long.

“fuck it,” you muttered, grabbing your coat and heading out the door. despite all the bad rumours, he sold that gud shit; you needed to meet him.

you took a deep breath as you approached the skate park. you could see jeno fail at landing a simple ollie from a mile away, strangely, his friends cheering like he really did sumn.

“woah, that shit was dope, my guy,” na jaemin said, clapping jeno on the back. jeno smiled, lazily, bro hugging the shorter boy.

“aight kids. weed is on me tonight, since y’all liked it so much. gotta show my homies some love, no homo tho,” jeno said, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. jaemin smirked, looking back at donghyuck and renjun with knowing eyes. being ‘friends’ with the best drug dealer on campus had its rewards.

even though, jeno was said to be somewhat of a ‘college bad boy’, after observing a couple minutes of him with his ‘friends’, you could tell he was a fucking loser. maybe, getting weed wouldn’t be as terrifying as you had imagined.

“hey, jeno,” jaemin whispers, tapping jeno on the shoulder, “looks like we have some company.” jeno’s crescent like eyes turned cold as he surveyed the area before landing on you.

“the fuck do you want, bitch?” jeno’s eyes glared at you, intensely, making your knees tremble. he may have been a complete wet wipe, but man was he intimidating. you swallow your nerves and continue strutting towards the loser, feigning confidence.

“the name’s y/n, and a little birdie told me that you had the gud kush, brutha.” he narrowed his eyes at you.

“well they weren’t wrong, but what’s it to you?” jeno asks, his eyes scanning you from head to toe.

“well, i was wondering if you could spare some of dat nug…” jeno immediately turned his back to you, shaking his head in utter disbelief. you were trying to seem cool but he obviously wasn’t buying it.

“no, no fucking way. nuh uh,” you groaned with despair. you needed that shit more than anything right now.

“c’mon, jeno. why not?” you whined, grabbing onto his arm. “pretty, please! i’ll do anything.”

“you got any money? my shit premium. it ain’t cheap,” he responds, finally turning back to look at you.

“well not at the moment. we’re college students. i can barely afford to eat,” you grimaced, “i can pay you back soon though, i promise,” you plead, staring straight into his eyes with a convincing look.

“how do i know you can actually handle this kush? i can’t just give it out to anyone,” he whispers in your ear, almost sinister. you gulp, nerves taking over once again.

“i can prove it,” you whisper back, surprising not only yourself, but also jeno.

“aight, lemme light this sassafras up, shawty,” he spoke, grabbing a blunt and lighter out of his saggy ass obsidian cargo pants. you cup your hands over the flame as he lights the blunt, blocking it from the wind. you were expecting him to pass the blunt to you, but he surprised you by taking a drag from it for himself. he motioned you to come closer with his hand, and you strangely complied.

you leaned in towards his face and placed your lips on his, parting them to let the smoke enter your lungs. your cheeks heated slightly. you had never shotgunned with anyone else before.

if his breath didn’t taste like stale weed and slushie mix, you might’ve enjoyed it more.

your close proximity to him allowed you to analyse his face. his cheeks had been hollowed by the effects of college exams. he was good looking, if you were into boys that looked like they were on the cusp of death.

his ‘lips’ parted to say something as he deliberated what to do next. a voice in the back of his mind told him to lean forward and kiss you, but it was probably just the weed kicking in. he shook thought off and reached into one of his many pockets.

“pay me by the end of the week,” he shoved the bad into your hand, grabbed his skateboard and unstably skated off.

“ummm. what the fuck just happened?” you asked yourself, pressing your fingers to your lips that now tasted like marijuana and a 7-Eleven slurpie.

——————————————————————

you exhale and watch as the smoke travels throughout your dorm, your head heavy and your spirit light. it felt like nothing mattered. you didn’t even give a shit about the notes in front of you or the shitty hipster music coming from your radio. you quickly took another drag from your blunt, giggling at the smoke ring that comes from your parted lips.

the only thing that worried you these days was successfully avoiding jeno. you couldn’t afford to pay him back for this weed. the end of the week rolled by quickly, and you still hadn’t received your paycheck for the week. and to top it off, motherfucking spotify premium took money out of your account, causing you to overdraw. that shit is wild.

three harsh knocks on your door rudely interrupted your thought process.

“oh for fucks sake. what now?” you muttered, standing up from your bed. you peered into the peephole, seeing an angry looking jeno on the other side.

“how did this motherfucker figure out my dorm number?” you were a little scared. you thought you’d be able to successfully avoid him until you could get the money together. maybe you could just ignore hi-

“i know you’re fucking in there! where my money at, betch?” he barked dog emoji. you were gonna have to face him at some point. it might as well be when you’re faded as fuck. you sighed before unlocking the deadbolt. you didn’t even have time to twist the doorknob before jeno barged into your dorm.

“um, this is trespassing, broski. i ain’t even open the door yet. that’s my job,” you scoffed as he pushed passed your frame.

“i want my money now, y/n,” he states deadpanned with arms crossed. you wanted to comment on his lack of manners but there seemed to be a more pressing matter on your hands.

“y-you wanted that by the end of this week?” you laughed, trying to find a way out of a very dead end. jeno didn’t seem to find the whole situation amusing. he actually looked like he was about to swallow you whole chomp chomp yum.

“go get my fucking money,” he said, appearing stoic.

“the thing about that…” you looked around the dingy room in search for a way out but your gaze only came back to jeno’s angry eyes.

“you don’t have it?” he chuckled, his change in demeanour was somewhat unsettling, “ion play around so, you’re gonna need to pay up one way or another.” you gulped at his darkened tone.

“but, jeno. i don’t have any money. h-how could i possibly-“ you were cut off by his hand coming up to stroke your cheek.

“shhh, doll. you can repay me with something else…” you had never expected jeno to come out with something so slimy but for some reason you wanted to repay him. maybe it was the weed but his hushed tone was seducing you.

he trailed the hand on your cheek down to your waist and pulled you against his lean frame. biting his lower lip, he ever so slightly grinded up against you, testing the waters. when you didn’t push him away he leaned toward your ear.

“you’ve been such a bad girl, y/n.” he harshly nipped at your ear lobe, a mewl escaping your lips.

“and i’m going to punish you for that,” he let out a sinister chuckle, eyes darkening with lust.

he backed you up against a wall and coaxed you into a lip bruising kiss. you could barely breathe as he hungrily moved his lips against yours. his wet tongue found its way into your mouth, dancing against yours. it’s dominant movements forced you to relinquish all control. you didn’t particularly care at the moment, though.

his arms snaked around your waist, one slipping under the hem of your shirt. he began to palm one of your breasts, earning him a whimper. his actions became rougher as your reactions became more wanton.

he started to kiss down your neck, periodically nipping at the skin. you felt him smirk when you began to clutch at his shoulders, in need of more.

“you want more, baby?” he moved one of his legs between your thighs and began to grind you against it.

“yes, jeno.” you burst out in need of some sort of proper relief but to your surprise he began to tut.

“jeno? you don’t even deserve to say my name. if you wanna repay me properly, you have to call me daddy.” his request threw you off completely. daddy kinks were a thing you guess. jeno evidently was a freak and something about that made your core heat up.

“d-daddy?” your innocent tone and eyes caused jeno to chuckle.

“just like that,” he groaned, relishing in the control he had over you already, “you sound like such a good girl when you call me that, doll.”

he pulled off your shirt and made quick work of your bra. one of his thumbs slid over your hardening nipple.

“take daddy to your bedroom, baby girl.”

“yes, daddy,” continuing to kiss him, you lead him to your tiny bedroom, or so you thought. you stumbled through the door, only to be met with the sight of your bathroom. fuck. your cheeks heated up with embarrassment. sensing your discomfort, jeno chuckled in amusement, grabbing your chin.

“don’t worry, doll,” he mused, toying with the flesh of your bottom lip, “i kind of had to pee anyways.” before you could question him, he grabbed your waist, locking your lips with his. his hands slid down your waist, coming to a stop at the waistband of your shorts.

he thumbed at the silky material before gently tugging the fabric off of your body. you stepped out of the shorts pooling at your ankles as jeno slipped his shirt over his head. he eyed the wet spot on your pastel pink panties. you blushed with embarrassment, clenching your thighs together to hide yourself. jeno smirked, pulling your thighs back apart.

“don’t hide yourself from me, baby girl. i already saw how wet you were for me,” he chuckles, before kneeling down in front of your core. your eyes roll back as he starts sucking on the wet spot through your panties.

“feel good?” he asks, his voice slightly muffled by the fabric of your underwear. you whimper, running your fingers through the soft hair on jeno’s scalp. your knees wobble, and you grip the sink for support.

“that feels so good, daddy,” you answer, causing him to suck harder, “please take them off.”

“it’s funny how you think you get to tell me what to do. get on your knees,” he spoke, darkly. he stood up, you groaning in protest. he gripped your hair, roughly pulling you to the ground.

hastily, he removed his belt and pushed down his trousers. you could see the sizeable bulge his erection created more clearly now. unconsciously, your tongue came out to wet your lips in hunger.

“are you hungies for daddy’s cock?” he mocked, which you too fervently nodded in response to, “use your words, slut,” he barked, grabbing you by the neck.

“p-please, let me suck your dick, daddy!” you choked out, barely able to breathe.

as you caught your breath, he took his boxers off letting his cock spring free, it almost hit you in the fucking face. you gasped at the grand girth that stood proudly before you, twitching ever so often. a plethora of veins lead up from his base to his vermilion tip, which oozed out a sticky, crystalline fluid.

“if you want it that bad then suck, whore,” jeno grunted, slapping your flushed cheek with his magnum dong. he tapped your lips with the head of his dick, signaling you to part them for him. he slid his length into your warm mouth, groaning when it hit the back of your throat. your eyes watered as you gagged around his cock.

“i knew your pretty little mouth could take it, baby.” jeno threw his head back as you hollowed your cheeks around him. “what a good little cock slut.” jeno grabbed the back of your neck, holding your head still as he began to fuck your throat. a multitude of curses fell from his lips at the feeling of your tight throat as he thrust in and out.

jeno’s pace began to speed up as he got closer, deep grunts filled your dingy bathroom. when he looked down, he saw you were an absolute mess. tears streamed down your face as you tried to take his cock without choking. a smirk of accomplishment sat on his face.

“you know i still need to punish you, baby.” he growled out, thrusting into you more harshly. “since, you took me to the bathroom instead of your bedroom, i think i know what a filthy slut like you deserves.”

you didn’t quite catch his drift; all you could think about is the burning feeling in your throat and how sinful jeno looked from the angle you had of him.

“fuck, i’m gonna piss.” you choked causing you to swallow around his dick. the feeling made him hiss. you flung your head back in shock and all of the sudden you felt a warm liquid cascade down your face. an elongated pleasured groan erupted from him. shock inhibited you from moving.

“that’s it, take my piss you worthless whore,” the golden fluid started to drip into your mouth. you never thought you’d be into this type of thing, but it made you clench around nothing.

growing accustomed to the taste you opened your mouth for him. letting out a moan as his hot piss filled your mouth. the sight had him spewing a string of of profanities.

“shit, you’re such a dirty little bitch, aren’t you?” and he kept going. you wondered how long he’d been holding the need to pee because the flaxen shower seemed to go on for forever. he had a big dick so a big bladder made sense too, you thought.

after he was done you swallowed it all, opening your mouth to show him what you’d done. he pulled you up to taste himself.

“mmm, fuck, i taste so good,” he smiled, stroking the wet hair away from your face. for what seemed like an eternity you stood in a puddle of his piss looking into each other’s eyes. jeno all of a sudden felt a bit embarrassed, he had literally just peed all over you. he almost apologized to you, but quickly pushed the thought away. you deserved it.

“you know, we aren’t done yet, doll.” he dove forward, initiating another kiss, this one was more desperate. you felt his still erect cock brush up against you, pulsating in need. without breaking the kiss, he walked you into your shower, until your back hit the cold tiles. a hand made its way down your waist, grasping the elastic band of your panties. jeno slid them off with ease, watching as they pooled at your feet. he slipped one of his thick digits into your hole.

“shit, you're dripping.” he brought his hand up to marvel at the way your essence glistened on his fingers. he sucked them clean whilst gazing with hooded lids directly into your eyes. the sight made your knees go weak.

he trailed his wet finger down your abdomen and stopped when he reached your clit. this time he inserted two of his fingers and started to pump them in and out of you. your moans and mewls fuelled him. he began to curl his fingers, hitting you in a sensitive spot. your knees wobbled and you leaned against the shower wall for support.

“god, i’m gonna fuck the shit out of you,” he rasped before sucking a mark into your neck. He slipped his fingers out of you, before bending you over against the shower wall. You grasped onto the shower head as he shoved his cock into your tight hole. giving you no time to adjust, jeno began viciously pounding into you with no mercy, cries erupting from your throat.

“i love how you fuck me, daddy,” you screeched over the loud slaps of his hips meeting your ass.

“you fucking better, doll. you’re so god damn tight for me,” jeno nearly whimpered as you pulsed around his length. the burning in your pussy was strong, but you loved every bit of it. you couldn’t help but reach in front of you and start rubbing your clit.

“oh fuck, jeno. i’m not gonna last much longer,” you yelped as he hit a spot in you that’s never been reached before.

“me neither, baby. cum on my cock. i’ve got you, doll,” jeno grunted out, the sight of your wet pussy taking his cock making him dizzy. he sped up his thrusts, making you squeak with each one. his pace was almost animalistic as your orgasm washed over your body. you yelped, trembling as your legs gave out from under you. jeno held you up by the waist, his grip definitely tight enough to bruise you.

“can i cum in you baby? are you on the pill?” he asked, his voice the gentlest you’ve ever heard.

“yes, daddy. please cum in me. please fill me up,” you whimpered as he continued to pound your slick walls. you were hit by a feeling of overstimulation. it was so intense, you were seeing stars. suddenly, jeno let out a long deep moan. he sank his cock into you, balls deep, stilling as he painted your core with his seed. you cried out as the warmth of his cum coated your walls, deliciously.

jeno pulled his now soft member out of you, using his two thumbs to spread your lips open to watch his cum seep out. he groaned at the sight.

“ugh that almost makes me wanna fuck you over again. you’re lucky you look so spent, and i feel bad.” you were too tired to reply. jeno grabbed the shower head, rinsing you free of all of the sex grime with warm water. you hissed as his fingers brushed against your sensitive clit while he was cleaning you up. he grabbed two towels from the basket on the sink, wrapping his waist in one, and scooping you up into another. he picked you up with ease, walking in the direction of your bedroom.

“look at you,” he chuckles at your towel wrapped form, “you’re like a little soft burrito.” he laughed as he saw the way your cheeks tinged red. why was he being so nice now? as if he read your mind, he broke eye contact, and turned towards your dresser. he dug through your drawers, pulling out a pair of lilac panties and an old band t-shirt. you slipped the clothing on and he awkwardly patted your head, before walking back to the bathroom. you heard the sound of clothes rustling and water running for about five minutes.

jeno returned fully clothed, with his hands sheepishly folded behind his back.

“i um. i cleaned up the mess,” he said, his voice gentle and smooth.

“thanks, dude,” you whisper, your voice lacking the confidence you desired. he eyed the bruises on your knees and neck, grimacing at the pain he caused you.

“i-i’ll see you around i guess? i probably should get going. how about i buy you coffee next week to repay you for the bruises n’ stuff…” he trailed off awkwardly. he sighed in relief as a smile washed over your face.

“i’d like that,” you giggled before clearing your throat. “i mean um, yeah whatever, shawty. free coffee. amirite ladies?”

jeno bit back a smile, before nodding. you might just be one of his favorite clients.