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liyawritesss · 4 years

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Class 1-A Boys and How They Like To Cuddle

Okay LOOK HERE-

@todorkihoe made a shitpost abt touch starved Todoroki and im like *aggressive inhale* creative juices are FLOWING

It would be right for me to do JUST Shouto tho plus I forgot to do Iida last time and feel HORRIBLE so its gonna be as many Class 1-A boys I can think for!!

Warnings: some cursing maybe, fem! black/poc!reader and a bunch of f l u f f

BAKUGO KATSUKI

Angry pomeranian boy will probably want to cuddle when he's burnt himself out

You'll be hanging with your friend group and Katsuki will text you something along the lines of "come to my room" and at first your like what the hell whats wrong?

So you excuse yourself and head to his room and you find that Katsuki's on his bed, looking like he had a really intense training session because of the little scratches and bandaids here and there. Plus he's not yelling at you.

You head to the side of his bed and try to see if he's awake or not, and you get startled when he grumbles something you don't quite here

You ask him to repeat he mumbles "get in bed, dumbass"

You wanna punch him for calling you a dumbass but you don't because he actually looks peaceful? Like not mad or stressed or anything, and he seemed to just want your presence...

So you oblige, slipping into the blankets and having him pull you close into his chest, the mixed smell of caramel and his body wash reaching your nose.

You wrapped your arms around his torso, his arms enveloping your shoulders and bringing you closer to his chest

His hand buries itself into your hair while he presses a kiss to your forehead that he WILL threaten you not to talk about in the morning

Him just tired and want his teddy bear in his arms after a long day of training.

MIDORIYA IZUKU

Broccoli boy wants to be big spoon 🥺

Like one day you come over his house, you talk with his mom for a bit before Izuku drags you to his room

And even though its what you'd think an All Might fanboy's room would look like, its surprisingly cozy as well

Soon the weather changed from bright and sunny to raining and dreary

You and Izuku's energy slowly drained as the dreary weather continued.

Youre on his bed, snuggled up in his blanket and watching something on your phone or scrolling through social media

Izuku comes in from helping his mom with something and just has the urge to cuddle you

He asks you what're you doing while crawling into bed behind you, slipping under the blanket you were snuggling with

You start to babble on what you're watching or what you see on your socials while Izuku's arms wrap around you from behind, nuzzling into your hair which smells so so sooo nice.

In a few minute your realize he's not really listening anymore, he's just fallen asleep and he's just too cute

You fall asleep shortly after because of the comforting pitter patter of rain and soft thundering sounds from outside

Inko takes a picture of you two cuz she's so happy her baby boy got him someone who makes him happy she might even use it as blackmail

IIDA TENYA

Iida is definitely one of those people thats like "no handholding !! You'll get pregnant !!"

You'd probably have to beg him for cuddles lets be honest

On the occasion you two DO find the opportunity to cuddle, it'll probably be after an intense study session

Of course he's not tired, but you just fried your brain trying to remember math formulas

Tenya sees this, and suggests a light snack since you both had been studying for a while

He leaves to go get some snacks and you drag yourself to his bed, needing to feel a plush mattress under you and not hard wooden chair

Your curl up in his blanket, into a little ball

Tenya comes back with snacks and drinks to find you curled on his bed and its the most adorable sight ever

He realizes that maybe he worked you a bit to hard, and you deserve a little nap before heading home

His heart goes "you should hug her, she'll like it" but his mind says "no! boundaries"

Eventually his heart wins and he crawls into bed next to you, sitting up and leaning on his headboard.

You curl up into his side, and he rests his hand on your shoulder, rubbing figures into it

This isn't invading boundaries right? He thinks this is okay

Most probably gonna read a book or something while you take your nap

And when you wake up, you apologize profusely, but Tenya says its okay.

"Boundaries were respected! So no harm done."

Tenya drinks his respect women juice diligently.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

Every time I think of touch starved shouto Endeavor comes up and I just want to strangle the smug piece of shit for ruining Todo's childhood

Because let's be honest, Shouto can, would, and does and a hard time understanding affection, especially when its physical

You'll do simple things like hold his hand or peck his cheek and he's like "is that a thing? Should I do that too?"

Probs feels bad that he can't really show his love the way others do, and you'll have to tell him that everyone shows love differently, and thats okay.

He's over your house because it's the weekend and neither of you have anything planned.

You're both on your bed, Shouto admiring your room while you're maybe on your phone or reading something

Then shouto asks "do you want to cuddle, love?"

You have to ask him to repeat what he said because what that came out of no where

He repeats himself, a bit hesitant

"Couples do that right? I want to try it."

Okay now you HAVE to oblige

At first its kind of awkward, he tries to find a position you're both comfortable with but it doesn't seem to be working out

Then you just kind of guide his head to lay on your chest and he wraps his arms around your waist and its like heaven for him

He can hear your heart beat and feel you close to him, while you're still doing what you're doing on your phone or with your book

Your hand strokes his hair and massages his scalp and Shouto can't even fight the sleep thats taking over him.

In 5 minutes he asleep, and you can't help but smile because fuck he's so adorable, and so at peace

You take pictures because they last longer

After that, will always ask you for cuddles in that position, nothing else will satisfy the boy now

But you always oblige, because you know it really does help him

KIRISHIMA EIJIRO

Cuddles with kiri are so soft and playful

You'd probably be in his dorm room, you're entertaining yourself while he's on the game

You try to mess with him because he's cute when he's irritated

You poke him, tickle him, nudge him, anything to annoy him

Kiri's just like "you want attention? Bet"

Tosses the controller away most definitely upsetting denki and sero and pulls you onto his lap caging you in his arms

"Eiji lemme gooo!"

"I thought you wanted my attention babe? Now you got all of it!"

Eventually you stop struggling cuz you can't do anything stuck in his arms

So you just relax Into him in your straddling position that's oddly pretty comfy with him

You nuzzle into his neck and wrap your arms around his torso and the dorkiest smile plasters his face cuz look, his baby's cuddling him

Has to try and keep his voice under control when he gets back on the game

So now everytime you come over he holds you like that while he plays the game, balancing game time and his precious girlfriend

KAMINARI DENKI

I dont know why but I feel like Denki would want to be little spoon

Like just imagine the baby loosing a game with Kirishima and Sero and Bakugo and the angry pomeranian is being especially mean today

And you over hear it and see that Denki's really disappointed in himself so you offer cuddlss

And his eyes just light up and he's like "yes pls!!"

He lays in bed with you and you wrap your arms around him from behind, placing kisses on his cheek and hair and back of his neck

Surprisingly he doesn't short circuit??

He just kinda like hums and relaxes cuz you give the best kisses

And he needs them cuz Bakugo mean 😢😢😢

You always offer him cuddles after losing a game and remind him that he's always a winner in your book

Gives the dorkiest smile, says thank you all the time

Would probably fall asleep on you but you don't mind, at least he's not short curcuiting.

SHINSOU HITOSHI

I HEADCANON HITOSHI AS A THIGH MAN

He just loves him some thighs and he loves your the absolute most

Theyre so plump and soft, they make him want to sleep on them

So yall are in your dorm room

Its night time and Shinsou just can't fall asleep for the life of him.

Its fucking 2am why is he up

You just so happened to not have fallen asleep yet so he asks if he can hang with you for a bit.

You make him that sleepy time tea you drink when you have trouble falling asleep and he admits he's a bit drowsy now

Without warning he grabs your legs and uses your thighs as his pillow

Well, more like your thighs and your tummy, since the way you're laying down has your legs bent a bit

Shinsou's like "wow this feels really nice" and you start to play with his hair, and he's sent to heaven

Homeboys out like a light in no time

This happens like once a week honey, get used to it

He could just mind control you to do it but he hates using it on you, because he wants the actions and emotions to be real and authentic

So the fact that you do love him cuddling you like this makes his heart melt

Please send more comfort to this boy.

Whew, now that thats out of my system

Please leave a like, a comment, reblog to your friends and don't be shy to send a request!!

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spacehologramcollection · 5 years

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Request; Kombat Krew finding their S/O on their side of the bed after a mission;

Some more fluff, some smut later tonight! Mentions of Kano, but its once more, a shitpost on him. Another long post, so more under the cut! GIFS do not belong to me.

Sub-Zero (Kuai Liang);

· When he gets in, he tries not to wake you, he feels guilty about waking you up anyway. It’s like 3 in the morning, he’s already two hours late back, he just wants to get into bed and sleep. It’s way past his bedtime. The man usually sleeps at like 11. Sharp.

· When he sees you on his side of the bed, its his because it’s closest to the window and door, and furthest from the fire. Which is lit to keep you warm. He kind of smiles.

· You’re curled up, the blankets wrapped firmly around you, softly sleeping. You’re on his side because it sort of smells of him and you miss him.

· He kind of just observes for a little while, slowly walking over, to stroke your hair whilst you sleep. Before planting a soft kiss on your forehead. You’re so precious.

· He’s that tired that he’s not overly bothered which side he sleeps on, just as long as he’s in bed and he’s got you next to him.

· Its moments like these, which make him wish he didn’t have to leave as often; but if he didn’t leave, then he’d miss moments like this. What a fucking paradox.

· He’ll crawl into bed, wrapping an arm around your waist and spooning you. He prefers to sleep with you on his chest, but this will have to do, he doesn’t want to wake you after all.

Kabal;

· He tries. He really tries to come in as silent as the fucking night. But it never works out. He’ll knock everything over in the hallway, accidentally turn on one too many lights and make so much noise trying to pour a glass of fucking water.

· He’ll end up walking into the bedroom, trying to pull of his boots and get ready to crash. Only to see you’re laying on his side of the bed, which is the one with the bedside table full of junk. Post-Burn its go his lotion

· He’ll see you, happily sleeping away, wearing one of his t-shirts, a dozy smile on your face. Your eyes fluttering around as you dream.

· He smiles to himself, before quickly trying to take a picture, its fucking dark and he doesn’t want to use the flash. So that failed miserably.

· Instead he’ll quickly undress and slide in next to you, slowly trying to roll you over, like the blanket burrito you’ve become. He has to sleep on his side, it’s got his charger, glasses and tablet.

· He tries to roll you over so delicately, but it always ends up with you nearly falling off the bed. If you’re a heavy sleeper, that’s great, if you’re a light sleeper then you probably woke up before he got in the apartment. The noise he makes, is unbelievable.

· He ends up sliding in on his side, he has to sleep on his side, before rearranging you. He’ll end up spooning you, arms wrapped tightly around your waist.

· Post-Burn- if he’s not feeling so confident, he’ll stroke some hair from your face, before going to sleep on the sofa. He usually ends up sleeping on it anyway. Why wake you up?

· If his confidence has returned, he’ll slide in next to you, he doesn’t care much about the side anymore. He just wants to steal some of your warmth and sleep. He’s fucking tired.

Scorpion (Hanzo Hasashi);

· He thrives at night, so he seldom comes to bed with you, and you always manage to roll over onto his side of the bed. It’s just a normal occurrence.

· So when he comes back from a mission, to see you sleeping so soundly on his side of the bed, he is more than prepared.

· He’ll scoff and mutter to himself, about what is the point of having designated sides of the bed.

· He’s not overly bothered, but he fucking is, that’s his side of the bed. He always sleeps there. He opts for it, because if anyone was to break in/ disturb you both; the first thing they’d be met with is his angry fucking grumpy face.

· Two things about Scorpion; he doesn’t like to be woke up early, and he sure as hell doesn’t want you put in danger.

· He’s prepared for this though, he’s practised it numerous times. So, you’re in good hands.

· He’ll very carefully nudge you over, before tucking you back in. He doesn’t want to wake you, so he will take is time, no matter how tired he is.

· He’ll also stop on occasion when you make a noise, admiring how adorable you are, so pure and angelic when you’re asleep.

· Once he gets into bed, he’s gotta brush his hair and re-tie it back up first, he’ll climb into bed. Lay on his back and await you to scoot over and lay on his chest. He’s smiling to himself as you do it.

· He loves the little things in life. And he will appreciate it as much as possible; he knows all too well; how uncertain life can be and how it can change within the blink of an eye.

Raiden;

· He doesn’t really have a side of the bed. He will sleep on either side. The concept of having a separate side of the bed to sleep on; is a rather strange concept to him, one he cannot wrap his head around.

· So, when he comes back and finds you fast asleep on the side he usually has to sleep on, he just kind of stares for a moment. Observing as you sleep so soundly.

· He hates to leave you, but he knows he has to, he’s a god and has to babysit the whole of Earthrealm essentially.

· He wonders if you’re sleeping on the side you designated for him, if you miss him and wish he was there? Or if it’s to do with how you always sleep curled up next to him.

· Either way, he does not want to disturb you. He knows how Mortals, and even gods, can get cranky and moody when they’ve not had sleep.

· He’ll debate moving you, but he knows there is still a chance of waking you, something he doesn’t wish to do.

· So he instead opts to go onto ‘your side’ a bed is a bed after all. He’ll slip under the covers, prop himself up on his elbow and watch as you slowly dream. Making some adorable noises.

· Mortals fascinate him. You fascinate him more, how one Mortal could hold his heart and soul in their hands. He loves you.

· He’ll eventually fall asleep, timing his breathing with yours, being in complete synch with you.

Johnny Cage;

· Oh, not a fucking again. Is his reaction at first.

· His side of the bed is special to him, its sacred ground for him to rest his head. He’s got the pillows just right, its close enough to both the window and the radiator, as well as being close to the air con for summer. Perfect.

· And you, you’ve migrated over to his side. He’ll smile, all of his fake anger is playful after all. You do look pretty sweet, laid there, waiting for him to return from filming. Bless you.

· He thinks he’s the luckiest man in the world, money couldn’t buy any of this, even if you do sleep on his side.

· He’ll try and roll you over, he tries not to wake you up, but he accidentally will.

· He’ll apologise profusely, he didn’t mean to wake you, but he’ll remind you that you are on his side.

· But If you missed him THAT much, he can forgive you, I mean, he’d miss himself if he could. In fact, he sometimes does.

· And because he woke you up, accidentally, he will tell you to go back to sleep, putting the cover back on you.

· Sliding in on your side, after asking you to pass his BB cream, his night cream, his anti-wrinkle cream. All of his skin care stuff. You will debate just moving over, but his side is so much softer for some reason.

· You actually wonder if he hired someone to break the pillows in and mould the mattress to him.

· He’ll pull you onto his chest, after his long drawn out night ritual, that involves him tweeting goodnight. He’ll stroke your hair and say sorry once more. He knows you’ll always sleep on his side, but when you turn into this much of a cuddle bug after you wake, he really cannot complain.

Erron Black;

· He is tired. Boy has this Cowboy had his last square dance of the night. Kano ran him ragged on that mission, Kabal was just a pure shit-lord, not shutting the fuck up. He’s tired and wants to sleep.

· He’ll try and be quiet, but getting into bed, is his main focus. He’ll have stripped off and shed his clothing in the hallway. Hell, no he isn’t bothered about the mess. He’ll clean it in the morning.

· All he can think of is bed, you and that hot water bottle you always sleep with. It’s all he could think about. The thought drowned out Kano being disgusting and Kabal constantly been a walking meme.

· He’ll throw open the door, cringing as it bounces against the wall. He’ll close his eyes, wincing at the thought of you waking up. He’ll mutter a swear before saying ‘Sorry Darlin’. That’s when he sees you.

· Curled up on his usual side of the bed. The one where he keeps his whisky tumblr for a late-night stipple

· He’ll smile softly and shake his head. This is a regular occurrence for when he’s away. It means you’ve been missing him.

· He encourages you to do this. He’ll even spray his cologne on the pillowcase before he leaves, in the hopes you’ll migrate over to his side. Just so he can come home and find you like this.

· Face of an angel, with the occasional snore/snort. You’re looking so peaceful. It’s just an excuse for him to get into bed and spoon you.

· He’ll quickly get into bed, wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you in close and falling asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

· Totally worth the shit-storm of a day he’s had.

Kano;

· If he comes home, he’d probably use an air horn to wake you up. He’s a shit person. A fucking shit person.

· Would you even want to sleep on his side of the bed? It probably smells like something curled up and died and now its rotten.

· Would you even want to sleep in his bed?! The sheets probably haven’t been changed since last Christmas.

· Don’t fucking do it. Get yourself a Kabal or Erron. They’ll appreciate you sleeping on their side.

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cruddyborderlandstheories · 4 years

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Sorry I haven't been active beyond shitposts lately, I've been busy getting my thesis up and running and barely have time or brainpower to spare to write at night before I pass out

On the bright side I read 6 pages of an academic paper this week and understood EVERYTHING. Yes I had to Google every other word (not literally, but it sure felt like it at times) but I actually understood it all in the end and I am so proud of myself.

6 pages, u might say, 6 pages is all u did in 3 days?? Well... Yeah XD It's a math and theory based paper, have mercy pls. I gotta work everything out on paper and then take notes that are informative enough for future reference and I get tired after every 2 pages to the point I'm falling asleep at my desk... I have a poor work ethic.

I also think I'm close to tying in what I wanna do to Systems Theory like my prof. Wants. He's very into reconstructability analysis and multidimensional relations with his probabilistic databases and well. I found that probabilistic deductive databases are a thing and You Know Me...

There's this thing called a trilattice right. And it consists of 3 partial orderings on the same set each going a different direction with each direction also being a lattice, it's actually *really* cool. Anyway, my profs catchphrase is BASICALLY "information is constraint" and GUESS WHAT BABEY. One of those partial orderings on the trilattice for the rules in the PDDB (probabilistic deductive database) is named Knowledge in a interval of [0,1] because it tells you the amount of information that specific fact gives you!

So I'm gonna ask him for help tomorrow morning to see if that can't be tied back in to a sort of reconstruction but for probabilistic deductive databases and their rules. Because with regular probabilistic databases it's easy to have 3 variables (ABC) then split into 2 (AB) and 2 (BC), and then reconstruct it from there right? But. I don't know how that would be possible with Rules based on facts and logic not just probabilities, and I wanna know if it's even possible because there IS still math involved with the rules, I just don't know if I'd be able to reconstruct anything with it cuz I don't even know the first step to that problem cuz it seems so different from the Regular PDB reconstruction problem and I GUESS that's what the whole thesis research thing is for, but STILL. I am just. So Tired. Let me sleep.

I put off so much work today just to do more research on my thesis like a CHUMP. I should've finished my parallel programming hw, but I didn't. Haha. I put it off too long already it's due Friday XD

Oh also I start work tomorrow so I will have even less time. But I am starting work!!! I'm actually kinda excited. I'm gonna be TAing 2 classes which sounds cool! except a lot of the students are my friends (4/5 in one class and 2/2 in the other!!). So it will be kinda awkward since I am the extra help session. At some point my prof (same one who is my thesis advisor) wants me to actually teach an entire lesson myself. I am so nervous I have super bad stage fright lol. Actually tho, these two classes tie right into my thesis subject so hopefully by then I will be well read on all the subjects necessary to teach. I can, at the very least, teach them reconstruction. Maybe not much else, but I got that going for me haha

Oh God what happened I was gonna go to bed with an apology like, "yes Ive just shitpost for the past like week sorry about that" but here I am 1am, meeting at 11am (I can't be fully rested on sub-11/12 hours of sleep fml), just rambling about my life I am so sorry

You guys wanna see a candle I made today as a gift for actually reading this (and as part of the apology)

It's so beautiful

I was gonna put one of my borderlands stickers on but I was worried it'd peel when I lit it, so I chose a sticker I had 2 copies of

My mom thinks it's hilarious and that's all I needed I also got her to say "big yikes" today because we spilled wax on the oven mitts my power grows

#Sleeping like. 13+ hours a day + naps is totally normal right #Totally.#You wanna hear someone frantically yell about probabilistic databases? No? Toobadyourereadingitanyway #Jkjk #Cruddy rambles

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daedrabela · 4 years

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when i say "i'm not a morning person" i mean:

- i never wake up feeling rested, regardless of sleeping time, but getting up earlier than 8 or 9am is a death sentence for my mood, my head, and/or my stomach

- it takes me anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes to convince my body to move out of bed

- i cannot speak, and no i don't mean in a "haha! before my coffee! lol!" kind of way. i mean in a "i cannot piece together a sentence to reply to you, let alone stop myself from getting violent if you don't shut the hell up right now" kind of way.

- caffeine has no effect on me. i do not get better after any coffee, tea, or energy drinks. the most it does is give me a weird electric headache that makes me dazed.

- i am not motivated or excited by anything about my day. the only thing that convinces me to move is anxiety. i am terrified of the consequences enough that i will move only out of fear.

- sometimes eating solid food too early makes me extremely nauseous. sometimes the food doesn't stay down. this is why i skip breakfast, it has nothing to do with wanting to lose weight (that's another story)

- on top of never waking up rested, i never fall asleep easily. it can take me up to 2 hours to fall asleep, even when i'm exhausted and even if it's a daytime nap. sometimes having someone with me helps, sometimes it doesn't.

- i have gone to bed early. i have gone to bed as soon as i've returned home from work. i have had sleepytime tea. i have taken a bath. i have done all of this before bed. it doesn't help. if you tell me to go to bed early, i'll send you to the grave early. fuck off.

- i am grumpy. i am cranky. sleeping poorly for many years has affected my mood greatly. you're not funny, you're not making a joke, you're not making things better, and you're not saying anything new, so just shut the hell up.

- and when i say "i'm tired" this is only half of what i mean. i am also emotionally compromised at least once a day, and i'm exhausted mentally as well as physically. just give me a fucking break.

- i'm not posting this to be ~°*ReLaTaBLe*°~ this is my daily fucking experience and i know others can relate and/have the same experience but this isn't a fucking cutesy meme shitpost for your "depressed baby" blog, please find one of the other millions of brainless airhead "am sleepy" posts out there and fuck off of mine.

#basically this is an open letter to my parents who've ignored/downplayed this issue for many years and are the ones who need to fuck off #basically everyone can fuck off #i'm not even on the clock yet and i'm so ready for this day to end

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hilllsnholland · 5 years

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Sunset

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

W.c: 1.3k

Warnings: Hospitals?

Summary: Tom needs something to take his mind off the surgery.

A/N: This is my submission for @laureharrier and @tommyparkerr Post-Endgame Depression Writing Challenge! This is also the first thing I’ve written since I took my finals so I’m back to my usual shitposting and writing. Please enjoy.

The room was cold. The whole god damn hospital was cold, but you didn’t want to complain. You were here for Tom, who was in a tremendous amount of pain that you would never wish on anybody. You looked over at him, he’s sat up straight with his fingers playing with the tubing into his arm. You jump up immediately and slap his hand away.

“Stop messing with your IV,” You grab his hand and he looks at you with deep bags under his eyes.

“You looked cold and tired. I was going to ask a nurse to grab you blankets,”

His voice is small as he looks at you through half-lidded eyes. He’s exhausted too, the pain had kept him up for two nights straight. You had warned him about working so hard and pushing himself too much. Tom was so focused on finishing his movie and going on the press tour that he ignored the aching pain in his body until he collapsed in the middle of the airport. Appendicitis, treatable and most likely non-threatening, but it still scared you to death.

“You have a call button for that. What’s up?” You take a seat on the foot of the hospital bed and looked to your boyfriend.

Tom lays back into the pillows, huffing audibly in discomfort. He was a man of action and being confined to a bed for three days was torture on his mind. You wished to take him for a walk around the grounds, but he was seriously sick. The surgery would be performed later tonight and he needed to be well rested.

“I’m scared,” He says while looking away sheepishly. “Like, what if something goes wrong?”

“Nothing will go wrong. The doctors here are the best and this is a routine procedure-“

“But I’ve seen enough Grey’s Anatomy to know it doesn’t always go okay.”

You want to laugh but he looks serious. Tom was not afraid of anything. He would dive headfirst into shark-infested waters if it meant that he’d have a cool story to tell. You grip his hand tighter, kissing the knuckles that were slightly bruised from stunts.

“I understand.” You tighten your other hand to the blankets on the bed. “You don’t know what will happen, but you have to put your trust in it. I’ll be here waiting for you though. Just think of that.”

“You’re the only one keeping me at ease right now Y/N. I don’t know what I’d do without you,”

There’s a moment of silence where the both of you relish in his words. The past year has been nonstop adventures, laughing, and falling in love with your best friend. Tom could brighten any day and he’d give anything to make you smile. It was your turn to return the favor. You had to soften his stress, and you had just the place to do it.

“Wait right here.”

Tom furrows his brows at you while you get up and cross the room to look outside the door. After three days of sitting and waiting for nurses, you had learned their schedule somewhat. They were making final rounds before shift changes and a devious smile grows on your face.

“Do you trust me?” You ask proudly.

“With my life,”

Tom smiles as you swing out a wheelchair from the hallway. He doesn’t know your exact plan but he knows it will be something good. You help Tom out of bed and untangle the IV stand from the rest of the wires. Shift change would be such a rush they might not even notice he’s gone. You wait a moment until all the nurses seem to be out of view, either in other rooms or in the lounge, and you make your move. Pushing Tom into the nearest elevator and pushing the top floor button, he smiles knowing exactly where you’re taking him.

“The roof huh?”

“Shut up or I’ll wheel you back down.”

Smirks align on both of your faces. It was a special thing for the two of you, watching the sunset on top of the roof. That’s where he kissed you for the first time. It was his housewarming party, he invited you to watch the sun dip into the horizon, the sky turning hues of pink and purple, and his lips looked so kissable. Then when you told him you loved him. It was on the roof of a premiere afterparty. The sun fell behind the skyline and it wasn’t as pretty as the first one, but it felt like heaven to get those three words off your chest.

“Will you get mad if I don’t propose to you on top of a roof?” Tom questions as the elevator doors open.

“Not really, as long as you’re there I don’t mind,” He smiles and you push him to the roof door. “But you have to feed me though,”

Tom rolls his eyes at you but he can’t go far. He’s bound to his wheelchair and the IV stuck in his arm. You maneuver him up the three steps and you’re finally on top of the hospital just in time for the sun to hit the edge of the earth. You push him towards the sight and the rays of sunlight make his pale skin shimmer. You hated to see him so sick, but the way his eyes came to life brought you the fiery sensation of clarity. He’d be alright. Tom always makes it out alright.

“Remember this sunset when you go under,” You say against the skin of his ear. “Picture this moment and come back so we can relive it.”

Tom smiles at your words, pulling your waist sharply so that you’re sitting on his lap. He pushes the hair from your eyes, kissing your nose softly. In this pure moment, you felt his heartbeat under your hand. His little crinkles by his eyes were emphasized by the setting sun, his eyes gleaming with sprinkles of golden flecks. He was beautiful.

“I’ll always come back to you,”

Tom has that look in his eye that you know too well. It’s the look that turns your world, the look that made you believe that he really loved you. His eyes are transfixed on yours, the corners of his lips perking up, and all he can do is lean forward. Your lips meet his and it feels like the hundred of kisses before. It’s soft and it gives you those butterflies that can not be replicated. In all your years on earth, there has never been a feeling like this. Nothing makes you feel the way Tom’s lips do in that moment. As you pull away the sun dips under the horizon and the fading warm tones turn slowly darker.

“We missed it,” He laughs.

“We’ll get more after your surgery,”

You kiss the top of his head and untangle yourself from his arms and lap. Tom gives you a pout but you continue to wheel him back down to the elevator. Tom’s fingers played with his IV again, this time from nerves and not stir-craziness. You eased him by playing with the curls that laid wildly on his head, a relieved smile appeared on his face accompanied by tired eyes.

You were able to maneuver yourself back to the room without getting caught by any nurses and helped Tom back into his bed. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. He looked like an angel. He was finally relaxed and his body melted into the slumber, finally he would get some rest and you could too. The pullout bed looked unsatisfying though so you opted for the small amount of room left in Tom’s bed. You only had a few hours left until Tom would be prepped for surgery so you joined him in the much-needed rest. Your head laid on his chest while you listened to his heartbeat. The rhythm lulled you to sleep while the vision of a beautiful sunset was tattooed into your mind.

#Tom Holland imagines #Tom Holland imagine #Tom Holland fluff #Tom Holland x reader #Tom Holland blurbs #tom holland #Tom Holland fanfic #Tom Holland angst #Tom Holland fanfiction #Tom Holland wc #soph + aub’s writing challenge

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aaaaagaronia · 5 years

Note

hit me up w THing Headcanons!! Please

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

imma just list off a few for like all of them and then if you want more you can shoot me another ask fjkgnhfjdgvfd

mac is actually a pretty funny guy but he doesnt know how feelings work so doesnt like to show that all too much

windows likes his coffee with a lot of cream and sugar fjdkgnvjfdhd he doesnt like it bitter :p

norris is an insectophobe and wants to be nowhere near a bug but if you kill a bug in front of him he will cry

bennings has tired bitch disease and tends to fall asleep in the rec room

garry likes to dance the tip tap and there is no force on earth that can stop him

copper will walk away from anyone whos eating an apple as a joke (get it? like,, “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” im funee i swear)

palmer likes to draw and is actually really good at it but anyone asks him if they could see some of his art he’ll just show you shitpost content

fuchs doodles in the margins of his notes and its cute :3

blair is sarcastic on main 24/7

clark never calls his dogs by what he named them and just calls them all by baby names instead

childs can sing but you’ll have to be dead to actually catch him doing it fjdknvhfjdvfd

nauls plays around with recipes for food after hes done serving everyone else and like if you ask nicely he’ll let you try whatever it is hes making but typically he’ll say no because he wants it to be Perfect before letting anyone eat it jkfdbgjfdhvfd

#the thing 1982 #headcannons

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batboys-and-other-messes · 6 years

Text

Fanfiction (Tim Drake X Fem!Reader)

Requested: No A/N: I’m tired … and I’m in a weird mood today so here’s something I threw together to get it out of my system! This is more of a shitpost than an actual piece but hey, who cares? CHEERS! Word count: 1185 Warning(s): Eating disorder hinted at?, Also its gonna make you uncomfortable Tagged: @icequeen206 @sassyshoulderangel319 @crescent-bluemoon @nanna-the-batmum @xoleaox @sleep-depiravation @jaybirdxarsenal @youthbitch @free-pool-trash @spooder-moon @thebiggestnaturaldisaster @spiderling-tom

[You wanna be tagged in my next piece? Feel free to shoot me a message or an ask!]

“You know what always irritated me?” you asked into the room, your legs on Tim’s lap as you took a bite out of your third grilled cheese. There was a movie playing on the TV and the food in the current scene made you hungry. Even if you were currently munching down on food, you started to crave the deliciousness that was shown on the screen.

Tim’s attention was on the tablet screen in his hand, tipping away and solving things you had no idea about. It was probably something world-saving-important but to you, it looked like he was playing Tetris. Maybe he was?

“The Pizza Trope?” Tim answered your question without looking up, steading your legs when they accidentally touched the tablet he was holding.

“Yes!” You said enthusiastically as if he could read your thoughts. How did he know that this was what you were talking about?

Perhaps it was the pizza in the movie that tipped him off?

You’ll probably never know.

“You just don’t understand, Tim! It was so frustrating to read this in every damn fanfiction growing up, I thought I was crazy!” you motioned with your hands around as if you tried to physically show him the extent of your frustration.

“Are we talking the boyband fanfictions or the ones about the weird alien TV show?” he asked, his eyebrows knitting in confusion either about his question or about something that was happening on his monitor.

“Boyband one.” You answered, holding your food out to him as he took a bite without looking. We don’t talk about the Alien show. Ever. Again.” You stated and he nodded understandingly.

“I still remember this one time where that Trope was especially bad. There were like seventeen people in this scene. All talking about how hungry they were, even saying they were starving, and you know what they did? They heated up a frozen pizza. One frozen pizza, Tim. Seventeen people. And then, when the scene skipped to them being done, talking about how stuffed they were, like this was some kind of fucking joke, the main character got up and -get this now- put the leftover away. LEFTOVERS, Tim… Leftovers… Seventeen people… One. Frozen. Pizza.” your voice was filled with unfiltered despair as you barely noticed how your boyfriend had stolen your food, eating it as he watched you have your weekly meltdown right next to him.

“I’m sure it must’ve been traumatizing for you.” He said, licking the last residue of your grilled cheese off his thumb.

“I’ve never been the same ever since.” You said, attempting to joke but delivering it way more serious than expected. It felt like you forgot to do something right now? Didn’t you have something in your hand seconds ago? Or did you imagine this?

“Actually, I am serious now. Do you know how much this confused me? I thought that’s how much was socially acceptable to eat. I was so self-conscious of what I ate after that for so long.” your words hung in the air before you and you wished you could grab them and stuff them back to where they came from.

Maybe the sleep deprivation finally got to you.

“Well… Maybe that person thought the same thing? Maybe they just copied what they read once and made it just a little bit more extreme?” He said, his fingers dancing over the glowing screen in concentration.

“You mean like a game of Telephone where one person comes up with something shitty and the end result is even shittier?” Somehow, to your sleep deprived and dehydrated self, that made sense. He had a point.

“Yeah, like that.” He said and you put the plate in your hands away before cuddling into his side, your head on his shoulder as you got lost in your thoughts again.

“Are you done yet?” you asked him after a minute of silence as you watched the different windows and green text pop up on the tablet.

“Just five more minutes. Then I’m done, and we can go to sleep.” He said, pressing a short kiss onto your head without looking away from the screen once. He was a little bit tenser than before and you knew that meant he was very close to a breakthrough. It had been a long day and you couldn’t wait to meet your bed and fall asleep in his embrace.

“Hey, Tim?” you started again, softly hugging his arm so he could still freely type away and work his magic.

“If there were fanfictions about you, what do you think would be the most common trope used?”

There was a pause in which he stopped typing and you didn’t know if you just made him mess something up or if he was thinking about your question. You hoped it was the latter.

“There are ‘fanfictions’ about me.” He finally said and you looked up at him in confusion.

“What?”

“I’m a public figure… Adoptive son of Bruce Wayne? There are stories like that out there about me … about Red Robin… and… other things.” He blinked tiredly as he seemed to think about something. His eyes weren’t focused on the screen anymore as he just stared ahead. His thoughts wandering. Searching.

“For some reason, people think I’m addicted to coffee?” he said, genuinely confused and you laughed at that. “And they don’t like my cowl.”

“Yeah, how else are they supposed to make sense out of your sleeping schedule? And your cowl does look stupid.” you teased but you immediately stopped when you saw the serious expression on his face.

“You know...” he started after a second, his eyes finally meeting yours as you saw the disoriented look in them.

“This is going to sound really weird…” he started as he visibly struggled with his thoughts. “But, don’t you think it’s weird how I rarely say your name?”

“What?” you asked in confusion, trying to understand his question.

What was he implying here?

“No, I just mean … It feels like I’ve been seventeen for decades now… I… I am not even sure how I met you? And …. I’ve been fiddling with this damn screen longer than it should take me to solve it. Almost as if it was by design? … Do you know what I meant? I don’t know but what if-“ he cut himself off as both of your eyes met in surprise.

A moment of silence passed.

“I think we should go to sleep.” Tim finally decided, putting the device away as he shook out whatever thought was still ghosting around in his mind. It was obvious that he needed some sleep. He already started to lose touch with reality.

“Yeah… I think we should.” You agreed, feeling as if the last drop of energy has been drained from you. You stood up from your position. Allowing him to do so too while you walked towards the bedroom, yawning.

“Oh, and Tim?” you asked as he turned off the TV.

“Hm?” he answered, his attention on you.

“Did you... eat my grilled cheese?”

A pause.

“Yes.”

“Asshole.”

#my writing #tim drake #tim drake x reader #tim drake imagine #red robin #red robin x reader #red robin imagine #batboy x reader #batboy imagine #batboys imagine #dc imagine

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kado-maschine · 4 years

Text

How to be alone?

Everyone has problems right? Those who don't, either don't understand what the term problem means, or they are inanimate matter, but even inanimate matter has problems too because of entropy.

Anyhow, my scariest bogeyman is that at best I can't make a relationship work, and at worst I even avoid the chance of having one. Why? If I want to put it simply, fuck knows. Thing is that I'm not gonna put it simple this time, as what I have learned from fake news propagated by Russian troll armies is that everything that is simple, sensational and easy to understand is not very productive apart from having the intention to muddy the waters and serve a very select few by doing so.

Since my interest is to clarify things for my own good (and maybe help or at least entertain others), truth is the name of the game with this writing (whatever it turns out to be). If there will be no other benefits, at least I’m going to be able to cross off the mental task off my imaginary to do list.

One day, after having a rather enjoyable horse at the vet sensation, as I went to bed I had the same sensation that I was having as a child on countless occasions when I couldn't sleep or woke up randomly during the night. The bed, the sheets and most importantly the pillows felt like they are made some rigid, abrasive material, that is also disgusting. It felt like being embraced by disgust and bitterness. Normally my bed and I are best buddies, I love to sleep and I had no problem falling asleep on a beam bag in the middle of the office, during business hours. The chemistry was also supposed to help, not to deteriorate. Fast forward a few weeks while sitting on the bed and drinking a cuba made of free rum and overpriced PEPSI from the hotel's mini fridge I'm trying to figure out, when and why was I having problems with sleep before and when was I sleeping like a baby and why. In recent history, since my memory is one very slippery slope, the answer is a no, a no regarding detectable issues with my sleep. It is a no, as long as all the nights spent with gaming, night shifts or digging through obscure forums to find a track in a mix somewhere between minute 53 and 57 are not considered. Reflecting on the whole experience described above, I must have had trouble sleeping when I was a really small child and I was missing a lot. As I was growing up things got gradually better. By the time I was in high school the wardrobe have been conquered and turned into my gaming nest. The gaming room hosted my first gaming pc that I built piece by piece from a shitty Athlon that dad got screwed over by some "friend" and beloved games that kept me glued to the screen for hours on end. After the PC came my first car, job, girlfriend and slowly but surely as I moved away from my parents my own life really started to take shape. I have slept better and better. Now, armed with a mortgage, with two cars that possibly cost as much put together as a front bumper for a brand new BMW M3, two cats who are by far not the smartest but they keep me company and are cute af, two bicycles, a bunch of computers and a job that I'm grateful to have and one that fits my questionable attitude towards work, I yet again arrived to the point where the quality of my sleep is degrading faster than a space capsule entering the atmosphere, despite all the the things listed above were part of what I was dreaming of as a child and teenager/student.

Despite all of these, I'm oscillating between two states when it comes to sleep. One is the depression sleep, after taking a long hard look at my backlog that reaches to the Moon and back at least five times, taking a nap seems to be the only viable option, or multiple naps, or a humongous sleep where the only thing that can get me out of bed is the need to pee. The other one is the let's try to solve all of my problems in a purely theoretical manner, right before sleep, going over the same problems over and over, while making wild conspiracy theories about myself, because of the purely hypothetical setting. This mental kung-fu under some circumstances can turn into the above mentioned “being embraced by disgust” thing. How did I get here?

I've seen people being happier while having a lot less. What is that they have and I do not possess? Intimacy, I guess by the power of exclusion. Of course I could just short this whole thing before it gets off the ground, as a self-proclaimed good capitalist. I could say that If I can make enough money, someone will fake it for me for the financial benefit and as long as this someone does the thing right and tricks to my brain, I couldn't give less a of a fuck, or could I? Anyhow, with my current work ethic of extracting as much resources as possible form as little invested work as possible puts a cap on my earnings that limits my financial possibilities to roadside STD intimacy. Shut up! - screams the humanist from somewhere between repressed emotions and avoided social responsibilities. You have to make things work, otherwise you're just treating the symptoms, but the root cause remains and will re-surface over and over again - he continues. Now, call me Susan and you know the rest... A multitude of attempts were made to solve this mess, so I kept failing in various ways. Yes, my now my mantra is "failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, success, failure, failure, success". Despite this attitude, one can only take so many failures before feeling exhausted and gets worse at the task on hand because of said tiredness and fails even more. People also tend to tell me that I need to learn to be happy alone. Please, shut the fuck up. Despite my shitposting, which i find genuinely funny, good and somewhat toxic way of escapism, I can be happy when I'm alone. Just to bring one example to the table, the road to this very hotel room where I'm writing this whatever right now, took me through one of the twistiest mountain passes that gets you outside of the Carpathian basin, the road goes through the city of Cheia (BV) and it has dozens upon dozens of hairpins one after another and miles upon miles of narrow, twisty roads with a bunch of elevation changes. My right foot just couldn’t care about fuel consumption. With my tires squealing in almost every corner and I was laughing loudly in the car, spanking the dash and shouting "ohh yea" while I could let the steering wheel loose for a few seconds. Dancing alone in the living room when the track of the week or month hits out of the blue, or when the right people at the right party are found to have "deep" conversations about whatever stupid topics that our brain soaking in whatever cocktail finds to be fit for purpose. The thing is, if one spent somewhere in the neighbourhood of six years trying all the gizmos and distractions of the modern society to make him or herself be happy without intimacy and succeeded to some extent, but at the same time realized that hundreds of thousands of years of evolutional biology and al the workflows tied into it cannot be cheated in a lifespan, what are the limits for being happy alone?

I have reached a point where the things that cause me unconditional pleasure are getting very complicated, time consuming, expensive or dangerous, like buying car parts, pushing transportation devices to their limits, gambling with bs crypto currencies or trying to learn skills with a heck of a learning curve, not to mention experimenting with chemically induced changes in my brain activity. I have also reached a point where it gets harder and harder to trick my biology. The ape says reproduce, while this in the modern era where global warming is prevalent and innocent eyed orphans are making t-shirts in Bangladesh for next to nothing in a sweatshop, while China’s rivers deliver more plastic to the oceans than water kind world makes no sense. I could at least fool the ape with just having someone around and occasionally making love or engaging in other forms of intimacy. At least the thresholds would be closer and it would be a lot simpler to fool the inner ape and the hormone levels wouldn't need to filled up with lies that much. Besides the raw biological teardown, having someone around as a partner where the positive interactions outweigh the negative ones could be the basis of a symbiosis between two humans.

If some intimacy / sex / company would help, why I’m not having any? - the question poses. In theory, the ins and outs have been mapped out. It all started, as it mostly does, during childhood. The marriage of my parents went totally south when my sister was born and I had 4 years, so my long term memory just started working. This meant that my memory had no part of seeing a single act of intimacy of my primary caregivers towards each other, just shouting, aside from my grandmother and my favourite aunt giving me a hug sometimes. It was a real battle zone where a few hours without shouting were far and few between. This and a lot of other shit that my parents were haunted by, courtesy of their own pasts gave me exactly zero knowledge on how to read woman. I’m basically fucking blind. Even if I was any good at maths I would loose count of the occasions when someone told me, “Look at that girl / woman, how she’s looking at us / you” and I had to ask where to look, in terms of general direction, not to mention the ability to pick up small signs. How do I see the sign, if a year or so have passed since we ’been together and I didn’t know the eye colour of my first girlfriend. Sounds surprising right? Well, when batshit crazy is considered normal for the first 20 years of your life, climbing out of that perspective has quite a learning curve. If that learning curve weren’t damn steep enough as is, add a stupid decision to it, and be very disciplined about that stupid decision for years, and the shitstorm will be near perfect. But I come back to the near perfection of the shitstorm in a bit.

First of all, how about that first girlfriend and the stupid decision? I think I might have been 18yo when I had my first kiss and I was 19yo when I met my first girlfriend. I would have never ended up her boyfriend if I wasn’t drunk on a particular party and were just kissed by another girl who was into me boosting my morale, the cherry on the top of the cake being that I knew from a friend of my sister that my would be ex was into me. All these factors played into the hand of a relationship that lasted two and a half years and could have been a major leaping stone for me. She looked gorgeous and a chemistry was spot on. We learned things together and I learned how and where and when to touch a woman. Since I was still in the grasp of the narrow conservative (small rural town, what do you expect?) mindset I did and said a bunch of things I’m not proud of. Hopefully she learnt more from those lessons as much as I did or even more. So, why wasn’t this relationship the bridge between my loneliness and the ability to have functioning relationships? Why instead of being a leaping stone I stumbled and fell into a ditch head first?

When it ended, the feeling was so shitty, that the most logical conclusion to my very simplistic mind was to avoid feeling like that again altogether, therefore becoming cold and distant become the primary guidelines. Six years of loneliness ensued. Going without sex, kissing anyone or hugging could be easily measured in moths or even a year. Months have passed between occasional one night stands, where the hunter was determined or drunk enough to not to care about my cluelessness, or the hunted was drunk enough to not to be totally unapproachable or clueless or both. Even if they were looking to turn the one night stand into multiple nights or maybe a relationship, due to the long stretches of loneliness and due to the weird sexual expectations that arose during said long stretches of nothingness, I felt so weird and ashamed of myself, that I turned down further invitations and couldn’t bring myself to talk to them. Basically, from their perspective, I had sex with them, than I disappeared in the ether. I have managed to show myself in a successful a-hole kind a way, while I felt like the most unlucky, ugly and talentless piece of shit (now that’s what I call “an achievement”).

Despite the fact that I found myself highly repulsive for a long time, hiding behind sunglasses and foundation I had enough self confidence to let woman try. And boy oh boy, they did try. Those who were more desperate were more determined, while those who had multiple choices open had a look, maybe had some fun and than left seeing the vast cluster of insecurities behind the sketchy façade that looked enticing from a distance, but fell apart upon closer inspection. People told me that I was good looking and I should have a girlfriend and I truly believed for years that they were only saying this to save face. Now, looking back, I’m starting to realize that I’m not ugly, I might even be good looking by some metrics. This realization came as the memory lane of old pictures was revisited again and again. Upon closer inspection all the woman around me, hugging me, giving me kisses on photos became evident. It is one thing that I couldn’t capitalize on any of that, but I realized, how lucky am I that genetics favoured me. Elsewise, if the gene pool wouldn’t have been kind to me at least in this department, I would be the most neglected man, considering my social and dating skills. Or the lack thereof, to be more precise. One thing to be grateful for.

Before this realization occurred, I shit you not, I had to realize first, that the policy I applied after I broke up with my first girlfriend was seriously affecting me. It was like one of those cases, when a temporary workaround is put in place for something, everyone forgets about it, than it causes a major shitstorm in the long run when something breaks down the line, messing up a forgotten but needed dependency. Before this realization life went by casually in a perfect state of cognitive dissonance, by not willing to open up for anyone, not willing to pay attention to anyone’s feelings and yet craving intimacy and blaming the world for not providing any.

So ok, during the time it took for the realization to kick in some amazing woman drifted away. ”What do you do now, you dumb fucking bitch?” - asks one part of the brain. “Well, you stand up, use less swearwords, or edit them out later and keep moving on hoping that each failure at least landed some useful experience points that can be used as a solid base for improvement.” - says the other. So this is how the journey of relationship 101 and emotion handling begun.

Phase 1. Trying to establish a relationship, but being emotionally unavailable.

There’s was a girl who added me on facebook after after a party and somehow I managed to puzzle the picture together. She was there, she saw me playing music, she liked me and she tried to reach out. We have started talking, we have started going out and we kept going out without me doing any advances for 3 moths, when she finally had enough and invited me over to her place to watch Narcos. That night was followed by a relationship that lasted approx two months when she kicked me out, calling me insensitive and unable to care for her emotionally. She was totally right.

Moving on, I drop a comment on some meme posted by one of the girls I met at the University a few years ago. She replies to my comment, I reply to hers, the discussion moves to chat. After a couple of days she tells me that she is coming home from abroad and we shall meet. I agree. The meeting happens, other things happen, we get along really well, meet two more times and consider ourselves to be in a long distance relationship. She’s very enthusiastic, wants to communicate with me, she’s being cute and I’m still 100% emotionally unavailable. When I finally decide to visit her, after dragging the topic for months, she cuts me loose. Rightfully so. Off course, I delete her from social media, and decide that whatever, I’ll make enough money so someone will stay with me for that, even if I’m an emotional iceberg laced with titanium (un-fucking-penetrable). What an utterly crappy response to being rejected, says captain hindsight.

Phase 2. Overflow.

Next up, wasted on party (but in a mildly good way) and another girl who remembers me from a festival that took place years ago initiates a conversation and I end up hanging out with her and all of her girlfriends. We party, we talk, we decide to go to an after at their place. Due to administrative reasons when I get there only one of them is there, so we start talking. Meanwhile people are arriving, chemicals are wearing off and kicking in, dynamics change. Finally everyone gives in and we sleep together. The next day (because the next days always counts from the moment when you wake up) we talk, have a long walk, I unload a mental excel of pros and cons about myself to her since honesty can only be good (later on my psychologist tells me the contrary, since what I do is scary and things should be let to unravel by themselves) and I leave town. After my short city break is over we decide to meet and she’s over at my place before I could blink. We start hanging out more and more. Even If I have the tendency to make the same mistakes over and over again, just to be sure that they are mistakes and I have mastered the recipe, this time I knew that I have to open myself up. The theoretical part was ok, as the plan was to move slowly and open myself up step by step over an extended period of time. Unfortunately the gap between theory and practice sometimes can accommodate a few light years in between, so all of the emotions that I managed to bottle up over the years managed to get out after only a few careful steps. She had her own problems, I had mine and they didn’t make a good combination, but a rather unfortunate one. Disregarding the fact that I have tried to invest emotionally, I still couldn’t care for her emotional needs. The whole thing blew up in my face, basically. Being blind to anything that is less obvious than she suddenly turning to me in the middle of the night and saying, “I have to go home”, and having the alarm of something is not right going off is not the hallmark of being ready for a relationship. Another part of the lecture was that revealing rating systems to woman about woman is a double edged ice cream that mostly licks back instead of being licked. For those who don’t view the world from an engineering / mathematical (call it as you fancy) perspective, there are people out there who measure and categorize everything. This in a relation means that the relevant parameters like, looks, intelligence (or the lack thereof), like mindedness, biological match, size of the cultural gap (if applies), financial and social situation are all measured on a scale and the weighted average tells if the other person is a match or not, and how good a match it is. Unfolding this information in my situation turned out to be a major no-no. Based on the very narrow sample, I was convinced that this is how it is and I should never again reveal my rating system ever again. Luckily, lately a friend of mine told me that his girlfriend appreciated this kind of approach, so the analytics based way of thinking is not my mental dead end, only it has to be used after a lot of observation and in the right situation with the right people as the “target audience” seems to be quite small. By the time we got to the point of me revealing my rating system, red flags were flying all over. Thing is red flags are easy to miss even with experience not to mention barely having any. When you add that up to the fact that you need a planetary alignment that occurs every 5000 years to be able to get close to someone, you also finally manage to let your guard down and you know that giving up on things is generally considered bad and dedication is king, those red flags are rendered inexistent in the quantum soup of thoughts. All of the above combined leads to the materialization of one very specific dynamic in attachment theory, where the anxious one is trying to get closer and to invest more in general, while the avoidant is getting further and further away, creating a situation where both feel frustrated. Fast forward a little (as the whole thing lasted two months), she cuts me loose and I have no clue how to deal with the tsunami of the emotions that are now very much on the surface and the pink cloud that acted as a distraction is gone and the withdrawal starts to kick in. A downward spiral begins that ends with being so desperate to escape the sensation of a panic attack being one mental “block” away that I start taking random meds and drinking, because at one point they have to override my emotions. I don’t want to kill myself per se, but I made peace with the thought that if I need to die to escape that state of mind, I’m fine with it.

Luckily since I’m an attention whore, I’m not doing this in total silence and even if I’m not being totally upfront about it, my friends and people who are not my friends but are nice people and just care realize that something is off and rush in to help. Their intentions are really good, however, most of them are not experts and just share their best practices. Five or six best practices in, one is confused as fekk. This confusion is that finally pushes me through the barrier to seek professional help. Luck was by my side as I found a psychologist I could work with from the get go. As we were moving forward with therapy I was still trying to resuscitate a very dead relationship. The contrast between my interactions with the therapist and my ex were miles apart. While I was still rowing the waters “make her feel sorry for me” and told her how I tried to get my overboiling emotions in check, scaring her tremendously, creating a mess of emotions for both of us, the how's and whys and the to-dos were very clear during therapy. At one point the psychologist said that “You see the situation very clearly, you are also very conscious about what you did and what are the possible ramifications of your actions and you also have a plan as to how to fix them, why are you here?” My answer was simple: “While I’m in a state of rest, where I’m not being cornered by my own emotions all is clear, however, once shit hits the fan, all of the logic that was nicely put together goes out of the window and I start acting borderline crazy”.

As the therapy sessions flew by and the links to my ex started to fade, things ere starting to stabilize. All that was left is what I call “light general depression”. Light general depression is exactly what its name stands for. It doesn’t contain joy (apart from chain-smoking, watching tons of YouTube videos about video games and cars, binge eating pizza and ice cream and drinking herculean amounts of rum), existing feels bad and pointless, but it is not terrible, there are no big ups and downs and existence in this state can go on for extended periods time. As one of these days passed by as experienced from the warm hug of an unnecessarily long bath I randomly texted a friend to see what is she up to. She was hanging out by herself, drinking and asked me if I wanted to join, so I did. By the time I got there another woman was at the table. Nothing special, we introduced ourselves and carried on drinking. I did not find this new addition to my pool of acquaintances physically attractive, that under normal circumstances could have been a trigger, however she was very intriguing. As the alcohol levels in our blood gained an ever larger foothold, the discussion suddenly turned into one of those that go down the rabbit hole of serious emotions and life experiences. I love these discussions (hence the experience, wink wink), they are the bread and butter of why am I socializing. It is almost pointless to say that as the discussion turned into the two of us going on a philosophical rampage about depression and explaining the how’s and why’s to anyone around us the spark went off. Finally, as the night came to a close and everyone said their goodbyes only the two of us were left walking the through the streets bursting with nightlife telling more and more intimate stories about ourselves. As we reached her place and said goodbye I got stuck in the mental loop of what to do after a meeting and discussion like this. Luckily she promptly bypassed the situation by shaking my hand and telling me something along the lines of “till next time”. The next day the temptation was simply irresistible not to stalk her online. By the time I got a glimpse of her through her profile her friend request already landed safely.

She left town for a few weeks (if I’d be religious or into spiritual stuff, I’d say there’s a link to the previous relationship, luckily I am not, life is just hugely random), but we agreed that I would take her to party when she comes back, since she haven’t been to one since her son was born. Meanwhile I also found out that she had what she described as a “sort of boyfriend”. While all of this was unravelling my brain dripping with curiosity kicked me into higher and higher gears as my taste of the unusual and complicated got ever more triggered. Finally the day of the party came and it was the best party I ever attended where I didn’t like the music at all. We really connected. Looking back at that level of connection, I couldn’t tell if we were really alike in some terms and hugely different in others, or she is just simply darn good at showing what people would like to see. A few days later she invited me to watch a movie, we watched the whole movie without me totally being unable to do any advances, again, unless we finally decided to sleep. Things happened. That night was the starting point of a journey that lasted 7 months and included lots of love, lots of desperation, living together with ex boyfriends, handling a spoiled 4 year old boy, discussing and trying to come to terms with a father that got lost in the ether, lots of calculated action combined with a shit-ton of impulsivity and lot more. What I learned in this relationship about trauma, falling victim of compensating for trauma, overusing resources without considering the future, keeping something useless and counterproductive in your life just because it makes you feel superior, utterly useless - clueless and spoiled people, the consequences of being inconsistent in a child’s education hopefully could fill pages on its own, If I managed to learn something. All of this is still just scratching the surface. The full and detailed version of said list serves material for more writings as this paragraph could go on for dozens of pages, but it won’t to avoid further side-tracking. Also, some of these lessons still need processing time for the sake of being able to paint a picture that is more accurate rather than soaked with emotions. What is certain is that at least one writing (if not more) about overprotective parents running the risk of handicapping their children, involuntary hostage taking and kindness as a useless perk if not accompanied by other skills will come at one point. With the this pitch out of the way, let’s get back to the relationship itself. To put it simply, there was this man, dressed in black from head to toe, wearing black nail polish occasionally, being a strong proponent for nihilism and putting himself at risk for the excitement of being exposed to risk while also testing all sorts of limits because an “engineer” has to know the limits, right? During the course of a few months this man had a child seat in the back of his car, learned how to micromanage educational failures by measuring, not just feeling and truly cared for the wellbeing of a few people. He had the impression that he found his place in a world where he previously tried to fill the void by proving the pointlessness of life through reckless (and very fun) activities. Thrusters were set to 110% as the pink fog of “this is it, we have to commit and do this” descended on the brain cells locked in a hormone fuelled frenzy. Finally I experienced a Christmas where I felt happy and loved instead of trying to avoid conflict and hating the world in general.

While I was working on getting myself involved in a hot, crazy mess, thrusters 110% on, I happened to stay at my former flatmate’s parents for two days. I love going there, not just because it served as a perfect base for a weekend of partying, but it is one of those places where a family functions in a symbiosis, not co-dependence. Very-very-very fucking important difference. I love to see how people interact with one another when the main driving force is not fear, but understanding, where attachment comes from the light, not darkness. Even now it makes me to slightly tear up to know, that family can be good, not something to avoid as much as possible, if handled properly. Sights like these give hope. Anyhow, before this detour gets too big, I had good chat with my ex flatmate’s mom where she told me “Kado, don’t look for woman who fit you best, look for someone simple who is capable to learn”. Objectively speaking, this was the best advice I ever received about dating. Worry not, this will not be left unexplained, jut not right now.

So with this advice in mind, the weekend ended and the quest of getting myself deeper into the murky waters of chronic co-dependence was back. As the first few months of the relation flew by and we went from low profile affair to we’re together now and everyone should know about it, more and more details emerged of an ex that could only commit to a relationship when the imminent loss of her partner is present. It also became clear that his incompetence serves as his major attraction, since a man that is kind, but lacks any purpose and logic to derive any said purpose is highly desirable for an ego that cherishes being superior. It became evident how this dynamic eroded seven or so years of the than “woman of my dreams” into a quagmire. My nativity was strong enough to redirect the previously mentioned thrusters to pull her out of the quagmire by the power of micromanagement. The end result hovering in the distance was that my help could propel her to regain traction. As soon as she will be in a better place and I can get just a bit more of those tiny glimpses of her former happy self, we’ll be on track to create what we referred to as a “power couple”. However, one thing that flew under my radar and finally led to the demise of this premise was an important conclusion drawn after years of being a cog in the corporate machine. Never give 100%, maybe at the beginning, but not even then. Not to talk about 110%, as no person can operate on those levels for months on end, unless driven by amphetamines or coke, but that will take an even higher price in the longer run. If one still decides to go down this path, burnout will be just around the corner. When said burnout meets with someone who needs therapy rather than relationships, shit will go down. Empathy will run out after the same mistake leads to the same crisis for the zillionth time, emotional attachment generates fear in conjunction with each re-occurring crisis and “the you shouldn’t do this, you should do that” tone prevails. The thing is, if I look at my ability to get very cruel, cold and calculating when feeling emotionally cornered as gift or as a curse, it doesn’t matter, it still happens. Detailing to a mother how others managed to solve something with relative ease that she couldn’t or barely could and that she should do this and that, in that situation is a major no-no. I think when it comes about parenting, egos flight higher than Icarus. As one of the cornerstones of empathy is to try to put yourself in the shoes of others, I tired imagining how it could feel like if someone, dunnoh, attacked me because I can’t do maths for shit, or that I have a tendency to abandon my plans. In conclusion, the grey matter sitting inside this skull that is producing these lines might just feel comfortable when it comes to shedding ego. Whit our dynamics auto optimizing themselves to counteract one another in a pretty toxic way, the inevitable happened. We agreed that we can’t understand one another no more, therefore it was time to break up.

In order to minimize the pain a full communication lockdown went in effect to add another twist to the Covid-19 lockdown. This combined with making a few new friends while doubling down on substance abuse spiced with getting into relapse territory with other woman got me ticking along. I think it is pointless to say that this mechanism used for calming emotions wasn’t the best. First, natural coping mechanisms were obliterated even before getting a theoretical shape, not to talk about trying them and maybe getting some experience, second, these coping mechanisms took their own toll on my body and psyche and third, they crumbled in the very moment when my ex reached out to me to normalize our relation as two human beings who happen to know one another. It only took a few hours for the stream of emotions to turn into whirlpool of anger and darkness where my criminal mind flourishes. And boy do I have a criminal mind. When the going gets rough it isn’t like I can’t control myself and start shouting, and throwing things around. No-no, it’s not like that at all, but it is like making plans, evil plans, plans that would make a drug cartel hitman nod in approval. The way these “solutions” from the dark end of the spectrum interact with checks and balances look like: “what I would say of a totally unrelated person who does that” or “what were the consequences if my plans were revealed and such”. This time, all these impulses distilled in ever more frequent and strategic use of creating constructive ambiguity by selectively revealing secrets and manipulation. The cherry on the top was put in place when she reached out to me when she tried to re-establish post breakup communication, consisting in grabbing all sorts of dark echoes that race through my mind, amplifying them and revealing them to her in order to make sure that she’ll be convinced that I’m a horrible, dangerous and aggressive person underneath, therefore she’ll never attempt to communicate with me, ever. It wasn’t nice, at all, but it was violence free apart from me running my mouth and it worked, for a while.

So far so good, the plan worked great. I made friends with new people, both offline and online and I had a few who were interested in me and maybe still are (as you might have noticed so far, can’t really tell). The plan was to get some mileage into the game and get more experience points and to learn, for which diversity is essential. There was a week where I had 4 dates, with 2 happening on the very same day. Result? Let’s not call it a total fucking bummer, but let’s go with a “valuable lesson”, ok? Why? One person stood out and everybody else faded into the shadows of absolute zero interest.

People who intrigue me are the ones that I feel a longing for. These are the people who have my instant and unconditional support as soon as they ask, these are the people I’m paying attention to and these are the people that I use as examples to follow in certain walks of life. So, there was one date who stood out and baaam, just like that, interest for anyone else vanished like lines from a broken phone screen at a rave. This one person turned out to be someone who exploits life just as I do, or even to a greater extent when the conditions are set. She likes adrenaline, playing around with thoughts not being afraid to be cut by some rough edges, going fast, views substances as mere tools, not like something good or bad and last but not least, she is the best looking, besides ticking a few other boxes. Did all the positives yielded a relationship or even a one night stand? Absolutely not. Was this a problem? Maybe from the perspective of my reproductive instincts, but from any other perspectives, it was interesting at worst and beneficiary at best. There are a bunch of people who tell good and bad Tinder date stories, however I haven’t heard a single one up to date that could match the level of renovate a bathroom on a tinder date. The bathroom turned out to be something both of us are showing with pride and I have learned about the ins and outs of tiling. It was also refreshing to see when a relationship between two people is based more in rational thinking than dragged by emotions, as it was the perfect contrast for my ex girlfriend who basically managed to turn a life of success into a quagmire by giving the executive powers to her unhinged emotions.

What have we learned?

When a bunch of things fail to be turned into happy factories, let it be hedonism, creativity, hard work, sport or other kinds of hobbies, all kick in the feeling of “geez, I did that, but the I have to get to the next level to evade boredom and constantly levelling up is hard work” so doing literally anything gets turned into a chore. Shitting and washing ass can feel like a chore, just like hanging out with friends can so one inevitably pulls out the good old question of “is my brain just unable to make the happy stuff and if so, what’s the purpose of living?”. After talking with quite a few people who contemplated suicide, or people who lost a loved one to suicide, one thing was clear from the get go, I will not hang myself. Based on the frequency of suicide by hanging I can only conclude that people either have a huge imbalance between being emotionally driven or just simply being very sick and incapable of any rational thought. Why? Death by suffocation combined with the rupture of the spinal cord sounds like the worst thing ever. On the other hand, driving into a solid concrete wall at any speed near 100 km/h is guaranteed death. Driving into a solid wall at 200 km/h is massive overkill and it could be proven as an accident which could make lives for relatives easier if tricky life insurance policies are in place. Finances aside, there are other policies in place for reasons like seeing the misery of those who get left behind to live and let all the people who I consider idiots to outlive me. Like seriously, if some have been labelled as idiots by some metrics of mine and they outlive me, it means that my metrics and the logic based on those metrics was flawed, proven by my very demise.

So yea, what do you do when relationships don’t work out, you can’t seem to obtain them and self destruction is also off the table? Well, since we’re all caged to some degree due to the pandemic and I already raised my alcohol tolerance to stellar levels, it was the damn time to get myself busy. To really dig into my job and to force myself to do tasks that I have just passed to someone saying I can’t hack it, to start reading stuff, to start learning stuff to start exercising and most important of all, to create routines. Routines are awesome. If nothing makes sense, at least that nothing is done on a regular basis and the very fact that nothing amounts to anything if done on a daily basis is kind of a feet and gives a chance to dopamine production.

I have also learned that having sex after a hiatus of 10 months doesn’t improve things as much as I thought, which is good, because it also means that things do not degrade a lot from prolonged abstinence.

Where to now? I guess I’ll just try focusing on myself rather than trying to please others by forcing myself into the “normie puzzle”. I’ll leave myself open for options, since it would be rather counterproductive to Sméagol hiss away anyone who tries to approach me, but it might happen nonetheless.

And one last bit before I cut this writing short at the 11th or so page... If you’re interested in me, do something. Playing the get hard card just plain simply won’t work. If I don’t get any feedback like in a 50-50 distribution style I’ll feel discouraged and move on. I’m also plain stupid when it comes to decoding slight hints (as I’ve hinted at multiple times in this text). Be blunt about it, otherwise it might go totally unnoticed. Last but not least, if you’re not interested, please don’t fekking smile at me and more importantly don’t touch me. I know, theoretically that people can be nice with one another without wanting more, but it doesn’t work for me. If you do that, I’ll reach out to spend more time together, you’ll gonna reject me and I’m going to throw you on the pile failed attempts that is getting ever more poisonous and has a high chance of totally wrecking my mood by the time someone genuinely interested would come about.

I might also try to get more disciplined since it took me more than five months to throw up these characters. I sincerely hope that I wasted your time in a way that some part of what I wrote resonates with you, maybe helps you or you found it amusing at least. Peace out.

Update: some things have changed since I wrote this piece, I got new pieces of information and the story of my craziest adventure got a healthy boost. However, if I were to re-write and edit this text in accordance to all those things, it is highly possible that it would never come out. As one of my favourite hot rod builder puts it “Lower your expectations until you reach your goals”.

#relationships #depression #learning #development #desperatio #hope #lessons

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iamthestrangerinmoscow · 7 years

Text

[personal stuff - feel free to ignore] The reality if my life right now is that I'm in deep shit. So I don't know if you've noticed, but I have depression. It's not new, it started back in spring and was really bad during the summer, and it it still really bad now. I thought it would get better once the school year starts, but it didn't. In fact from my subjective point of view it kinda got worse, especially in the last few weeks. Now I've dealt with mental illnesses before, it's nothing new for me, however I have never had actual depression, so I have no skills to deal with it. Add to that what I have by default (chronic illness, multiple anxiety disorders, gender dysphoria, etc) and it quickly becomes absolutely unbearable. This time last year I was going to all my classes, doing homework all weekends, and somehow managing to find time to consume ridiculous amounts of fiction (and produce some too). Now I barely can pay attention during the lectures and I can't keep up with even the simplest of tasks. To be honest, I don't have enough focus to even read a goddamned textbook. I'm constantly tired, I can't concentrate, I'm irritable as hell and worst of all, I don't even care. I've had bad moments last school year for sure, a ton of them, and I got through because I was insanely motivated and passionate about what I was doing. That passion is gone. Now I'm just tired all the time. All I want to do is sleep. I'm crying almost every day and I have around three mental breakdowns a week. Nothing is enjoyable anymore and on bad days like today even the little things, like my favorite games or podcasts or candy, don't matter to me. And I have suicidal thoughts. It's not like I'm actively planning anything, but the thoughts are there. When I'm in a car, I'm wishing for a car crash. When I'm crossing the road, I don't look both ways. When I am falling asleep, I hope I don't wake up. And I've hurt myself. I've scratched, I picked at my wounds, I cut myself. Not often, but I have. So the truth is, I'm in no condition to study. Studying is a full time job and I don't have energy to make myself coffee in the morning. Going back after the organization mess ups and chickenpox would be difficult as it is, with all of my absences and missed tests and homework piling up. With depression that severe, it is not realistic. Problem is, university is my legal reason for stay. I could be kicked out of the country if I stop going, and I can't go back to Russia, I just can't. Also I don't want to leave uni. I don't wanna to be the disappointment again, the failure. I feel so guilty already. I feel like people would be better off without me. But even the thought of putting clothes on is exhausting. So I don't know if I can manage even going to lectures, let alone writing tests and doing homework. And I don't know what to do. I know drugs don't help most people (statistically, okay? it's what depression research says), and my history with psychiatric drugs is... traumatic, so I'm not going there. I know therapy works (again, statistically), but we can't afford even one visit a week, and I'd probably need more. Rest doesn't help, work doesn't help, nothing helps and I feel so trapped. And alone. Trapped and alone. Fuck knows why I'm typing this even, cause it's not like I care about tumblr either. The people, maybe, but they don't need my whining and shitposts. No wonder I get zero activity for the last half a year. My blog is trash and everyone knows it. But I guess I'm documenting this cause, idk, seeing it on screen is more calming than having a swarm of thoughts in my head. But yeah, tl;dr: I'm screwed.

#personal stuff #don't rеblog please #it's not that I won't keep going #I will #it's just in order to recover I need things I won't get #I need some time off uni. I need a lot of psychotherapy. and I need a change of scenery #(and it would be nice to get rid of dysphoria at least but that is far away)#problem is one week off uni because of infection already fucked up my results so much #and another week equals repeating the year #we can't afford a therapist or travel even if to another city #cause we're so broke we can't even afford all of our food some weeks #and I don't give a shit about anything anymore so that's great #anyway #if you have solutions... spam me lot #mattie on tumblr

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icybeanheadcanons · 7 years

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What would generic headcanons be for the Grillby of each AU? He's usually a close second for side character that gets asked about a lot, so this will hopefully help you feel out each one 💖 (I'll probably send one in tomorrow or something about the Gasters as well ^~^ Figured this would give you a thing to work on in spare time if your inbox empties again) ~

So for the skellies I had worked on them from undertale and down the list okay… Well for the Grillbys… I worked from Horrortale up to Undertale. It just worked and it was a wild experience honestly. These are long so I’m putting them under the cut so the post doesn’t look fucking ridiculous.

Undertale

Solemnby

-he’s pretty professional at work

-runs a bar still. Took a while to open BUT DAMN IT HE DID IT.

-he’s a decent height in human standards. He’s 5’11. It’s weird having people taller than him, even if he’s not the tallest around it’s still surreal.

-god damn it Classy Bean. The only reason he likes puns is because of this skeleton.

-a great listener.

-gives some pretty solid advice.

-bit of a smartass. “Man I’m tired.” “Maybe you shouldn’t stay up all night then.” “stop talking shit carl.”

-Classy Bean calls him carl time to time to annoy him. It works.

-his bar is relatively chill. Not a lot of people, and it doesn’t attract a whole lot of shady characters. Weirdos seem to be common though.

-He actually loves the liveliness of his bar. It’s perfect and he’s a proud smol business owner.

-He hires someone to do the dishes because that’s a thing he needs done. Besides that he runs it mostly himself.

-a hard worker, gets a little irritate with people who slack off but he isn’t one to snap at you for it. He just doesn’t get not giving your all.

-sarcasm. “I’m going to flip a table!” “Yes because that’ll solve all your problems.”

-He isn’t as quiet as you think and often will give a snarky comment like i’ve mentioned above.

-classical music is nice, and he often listens to it in his free time.

-mom friend who will talk sense into you.

-He says a lot of weird shit when he’s tired though like he suddenly becomes a shitpost generator.

-he’s got an average control of his heat he releases. It tends to heat up when he’s angry and flustered, and it takes a lot of discipline to control.

-don’t worry he’s not gonna burn you but if he starts heating up your skin is gonna turn pretty red.

-a pretty organized dude. Everything has a place. He doesn’t care about a mess, but he generally doesn’t make a whole lot of one before he’s cleaning again.

Underfell

Jerkby

-kind of a dick god.

-big ego. Undeserved. There is no reason for him to be this god dam cocky what the hell.

-His friendship with Red Boy is weird. It’s that one where you insult each other without meaning it. “Stop fucking drinking all the fucking mustard you freak.” “Not till you stop getting freaky with everyone that comes into this bar Jerkby.” at the end of the day they’re there for each other.

-he does sleep around a lot. Mostly one-night stands. He’d date but he hasn’t found anyone he’s really interested in that way. He’s a jerk but he’s not going to fake being interested in someone romantically god.

-Oh goodness me toll. 8 feet tall. Big fire man. Depending on how sensitive you are about your height he’s going to tease you. Are you an adorable mad or do you look like you have rabies mad?

-can he do anything besides smirk? Pssh no. Genuine smiles are rare and fleeting.

-He gives 0 fucks. He does what he wants. Within reason of course he’s not an animal.

-never killed anyone. Beat the fuck out of people? Hell yes. Nobody fucked with him. He was ruthless and no monster was ever brave enough to try and take him down. Or strong enough.

-How the fuck is fire ripped. Seriously why is he buff? Magic? PSSSSSHHH. Fine. Okay whatever.

-But seriously he’s startling strong.

-his main coat he wears looks like a pimp coat what the fuck. Are you a pimp? Don’t ask him this he’ll punch you in the face.

-whoa, amazing control of his heat. Like whoaaaaaaaaa. Witchcraft… shut up i know he’s made of magic. YOU GET THE POINT.

-a small fondness for animals. He feeds the cats in the alleyway.

-Speaking of alleyways. He’s not an entirely edgy jerk. When he was closing up he found a few homeless people digging in the dumpster behind his bar. He yelled at them and stopped them from running. He brought them inside grumbling and gave them a proper meal. He does this time to time after closing.

-Lets stray animals sleep in the bar after hours during the winter. He spends extra time cleaning because of this.

-his bar is practically a sauna alright it’s always super warm and it’s mostly because of him. He generally counteracts it with air conditioning.

-if people get rowdy in his bar and don’t listen he threatens to turn off the air conditioner. He has done this before. It gets people to suffer fairly quickly.

-not a whole lot gets to him but if you manage to push his buttons he’s quick to anger.

-PAY YOUR FUCKING TAB. He’ll hunt you down he swears to g o d.

Underswap

Sweetby

-sweet silly laugh. But laughs at inappropriate times or at inappropriate things

-He forgets heat control. Humans start sweating around him and he wonders why they all look all uncomfortable. Oh right! Silly him!

-Runs a cafe, and serves the sweetest cakes and pies in existence.

-his favorite thing to enjoy is apple cider. He can’t drink it because ow, but he enjoys the smell. Has occasionally tried to drink it because he can’t help himself he’s curious.

-Shortie. 4’8. He’s the perfect size no matter what you say.

-if you insult him he just frowns and stares at you for an uncomfortable amount of time. You’re suddenly apologizing and his demeanor shifts to a more cheerful one.

-if you’re mean you’re getting kicked out of his cafe. None of that. Nope. He’s the only menace in his cafe and that’s just because he’s trying to spoop people!

-Will use the cutest words. He adores them they make him giggle.

-Is very happy and cheerful, and loves the little lava monsters that live with him. They help run the cafe and often attract customers.

-The more the merrier in his cafe! He gets money to help his family (the lava monsters) and he gets colorful characters that he likes to chat with.

-Sweetby is a nickname that was given to him from Honey Bear. He loves it because it sounds like Sweet pea (it’s a pun actually which makes him giggle) and calling someone sweet pea is just precious and adorable.

-Adores pastels, and because of this he has the cutest cafe in the entire town.

-Sweetby has a no tolerance policy for a lot of things. Racist? Get the fuck out. Sexist? Get the fuck out. Hate gay people? O u t. He’s having none of that nasty business in his shop.

-would love to shake your hand but he doesn’t want to burn you so he’ll give you an enthusiastic wave. He’s also the type to want to kiss the back of your hand after shaking it, but with his issues with heat control, he simply blows you a kiss and gives a small wink.

-he’s very charming. Despite his odd remarks that are honestly kind of terrifying if you don’t know him very well, he’s lovely company.

-lolita fashion is adorable. He wouldn’t wear it himself, but anyone he does he completely gushes over their outfit.

-a small passion for clothes.

-has this really charming coy smile, and a lot of his regulars seem to have a small crush on him at the very least. He takes advantage of this to get them coming back again and again. He doesn’t lead them on and flirt back but he’s always very polite and kind.

Swapfell

Gruffby

-doesn’t talk much. Only for business.

-Was an arms dealer. When he did sell them to a monster he generally just ended up killing them, gathering the weapons back up and pick the rest of the cash out of the monster’s dust.

-Also ran a shooting range. Monsters were allowed to come let out frustrations. Sometimes he just had targets other times he had weaker monsters as the targets. He didn’t kill these customers since they kept on coming back.

-Nobody fucks with him. Nobody. Gruffby is hardcore and does crazy ass shit.

-bit of a temper. He flares up, scoffing. That’s about it. Not unless you provoke him.

-Provoking him is the worst thing you could do you will die a slow and painful death. What? That’s illegal? He’s angry about this now.

-there are tiny lava fire monsters living in his pockets. He’s a softy for them.

-runs a hunting for game store. (ya know like deer and elk.) He’s happy he can still sell guns, and he is very serious about his business.

-Reserves the right not to sell guns to people. If someone looks sketchy to him then you’re not getting a fucking gun dude. No. You’re yelling like a maniac at him only proves his point. Get the fuck out of his store.

-Do you got a license for that? Buddy ol pal if you don’t…. The cops are on your ass, he’s taking your shit you don’t have a license this is literally him doing the community a service. Yeah he’s a monster who’s killed but that’s not legal on the surface.

-Ends up learning about all sorts of horned animals and birds. He’s gotta know exactly what his guns are being used for to shoot.

-The tiny lava monsters like to get into a pack of bullets and melt them down. Hey you lil fucks what did he say about touching the merchandise? He’s putting them in a time out. You heard him go to the corner.

-The lava monsters crackle at him. He crackles back. It seems like they’re hissing each other.

-At home he falls asleep with the tiny monsters laying all around him.

-he has a really silly sounding giggle laugh.

-DON’T YOU LOOK AT HIM WITH THOSE PUNS. DON’T YOU DARE. he loves puns but hates his laugh.

-he can’t control his eccentric laugh so if you crack a joke he thinks is funny he’s losing his cool.

-friends with Scaryberry. He’d gotten lost in Hotland when visiting Alphys. He could see the fear as he was trying to maintain his bratty and “intimidating” behavior. He didn’t know what got a hold of him but he found himself serving him some tea.

-Loves tea. He doesn’t really get to enjoy it like he wants to but he at least enjoys the aroma of it.

-Scaryberry got him to quit smoking.

-pretty tol. He’s 6’4. If you’re short he’s going to tease you relentlessly but honestly he thinks it’s cute. Part of what he loves about Scaryberry.

-he likes sweet scents. They’re intoxicating and he adores them.

-He has about a billion candles okay, he really likes different smells.

-He’s actually secretly a huge dork that he hides with his edginess.

Horrortale

Smores

-Chillingly silent. He doesn’t like to talk a whole lot so he’s selectively mute. When he does speak it’s but a few words.

-His voice is raspy, almost like a whisper and you can hear that familiar sound of a campfire.

-For a fire he’s rather cold, literally, as a fire monster it’s alarming how much heat he lacks.

-Knows sign language and will sign rather than speak. Even if he does speak he’s signing at the same time.

-He’s fragile… He isn’t a healthy fire but one that seems to be at the brink of going out at any time. It affects his voice and his body temperature.

-spent his time in the underground hiding away after everything went to hell and his bar shut down. By the time they got out he was on the brink of death before Axe found him.

-Is still recovering mentally and physically from the underground. It took a great toll on him.

-He’s used to food being taken from him, and is a bit of a pushover. He doesn’t have the physical strength to fight back, and he doesn’t have the voice to scare anyone off. He has to suffer in silence since most monsters don’t know sign language.

-he’s angry when people take things from him. All he can do is glare at least that’s what he believes. If he’d done more in the underground at his state he would’ve been killed.

-he spaces out often and frequently. He often becomes out of touch with reality and needs constant reminds as to where he is.

-he’s smol for a monster from his au. With his decrease in strength he shrank and is a 5 foot tall bab.

-He still has bit of a bite when you talk to him, sarcastic and a bit of a smart ass at times.

-He talks in a rather cryptic way like he knows something bad is going to happen. He’s just trying to spook you. He doesn’t know shit. But it sure gives him a giggle seeing that disturb look in your eyes.

-Visits the hospital often. He’s willing to admit he needs help. He’s kind of dying so he’s constantly getting health scares and check ups.

-he enjoys Axe’s sense of humor. Axe visits him from time to time still when he has to stay overnight at the hospital. It reminds him of when the days were good.

-Since he can’t do a lot of things he’s started taken an interest in music. He has an odd selection of music, Melanie Martinez being one of many that appeals to him. His music is rather dark and unsettling, and there are a lot of strange and kind of out there songs he collects. This kind of brings him a bit of peace.

-It takes a while for paper to burn around him now. It scares him. He avoids paper at all costs unless he gets morbidly curious about how bad his health is doing. The longer it takes to burn the worse he is. He doesn’t need a reminder.

-Some days he finds he can’t get out of bed. It’s frustrating and he cries hot tears. He feels so broken and useless on these days. He’s hoping to be able to recover but some days he isn’t sure he’ll ever be able to.

-because of his disabilities he’s fallen into depression. He’s still adjusting to everything and suddenly being unable to do things has taken a toll on his mental state which is already pretty damaged.

-He’s fascinated with violins. Their shape is gorgeous, their strings seem like they’re delicate to him but they sound loud and beautiful. He wants to learn to play but if he does recover he will never be able to play again since he’d set the instrument on fire. So he admires from a distance.

-loves alice in wonderland of every shape and form. He relates more to the darker versions though.

-he’s slowly losing memories from the underground. The more they slip away the more it scares him. He isn’t sure this is how he wanted to heal. When he realizes he loses another memory he recounts what he can. Those are… Pretty fuzzy memories…

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