#should we have had to endure that much doug? ABSOLUTELY not

[lovecolibri]

Okay. I am relegating myself to making ONE (1) salty post tonight after watching the whole episode (no promises about reblogs tho) so here we go.

Kenny deserves an Emmy, and he ALWAYS delivers on dramatic scenes in a way that makes me physically ache, so I'm not here to wish this episode was LESS about Chim and I want to make that clear.

I talked about how the tone (not content specifically, but TONE) was SO wildly off from what was teased that it threw me for a loop, and I stand by that. But what is really getting to me after sitting with it, is that a wedding episode is supposed to be a celebration of the couple getting married. So why the FUCK did Doug get more time that Maddie? I get having a Doug callback, I really do but some of the stuff he said was SO outta pocket and really stole a lot of the wedding joy because it was so focused on him being a creep instead of Chim focusing on and thinking about Maddie and his daughter and being guided by the ghost of the brother he lost.

I just- Chim loves old movies and karaoke and Buck tried so hard to make a party Chim would love! That we the audience immediately clocked at the first promo was something Chim would love since he's always the one making movie references and Buck and Maddie famously don't know old movies and weren't into pop culture growing up. We could have had an 80s action movie/The Hangover crossover of something wild happening to Chim where he disappears, and then the boys get pushed into hard partying by someone involved in that mess, and waking up and having to retrace their steps to find Chim while Maddie coordinates from dispatch and Chim gets to be the action hero and fight to get home. It could have been stressful and still included some deeply dramatic moments for Chim, while still being fun and centering Chim and Maddie and their love story as the duo of the episode. Instead, we got Doug's abuse of Maddie during their marriage centered in multiple scenes and it just makes me feel icky 🤷🏻‍♀️

Again, Kenny slayed everything and the ceremony was cute (but like, WHO were all those people???? Do they even know any of them??), but we spent three weeks getting promised a VERY-intentionally-styled-like-the-Hangover missing groom episode with a fun party and what looked like Action Hero Chim, only to get something SO dramatically different that it was a little whiplash-y. I have other thoughts about the Buckley Parents 🙄 and about the weird choice to have Buck and Eddie absolutely hammered with no explanation when we have literally never seen any of them even kinda tipsy (of their own volition) but that's for another day. For now, I'll just say, Madney have a hard fought love, but one filled with SO much joy and SO much laughter and fun, and it would have been nice to see more of that played up for their big episode rather than focusing so much on a dead man who beat his wife. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Give Kenny an Emmy tho for realsies.

[contextualizd]

You love me… Why the hell do you love me?

Since my favorite show (Brooklyn 99) has started shooting their 8th season recently, I decided to write another fan fiction about it. Also because I love the song Best Part Of Me by Ed Sheeran so much, and it really inspired me to write a story that relates to it. Hope you guys like it!

NOTE: Originally posted here.

Also on AO3.

Plot: The story behind “Every time we get emotional, he says ‘Noice. Smort.’” and the reason why Jake was not able to say I love you to Amy first.

Set after “The Cruise”

Title from the song Best Part Of Me by Ed Sheeran feat. YEBBA

But she loves me, she loves me

Why the hell she love me

When she could have anyone else?

Oh, you love me, you love me

Why the hell do you love me?

'Cause I don't even love myself

Jake opened the door to their suite and started kissing Amy again as soon as they were inside. They just came back from the dancing class and they couldn’t seem to let go of each other. They kissed with so much passion but also with such tenderness. Like they want to pour out the intensity of their emotions that they’ve both been holding in for so long.

“I love you, Jake,” Amy tells him when they broke the kiss to catch their breaths.

“I love you too, Ames,” Jake tells her, feeling relieved to finally be able to say it out loud.

Amy touched his face and brushed her thumb on his skin. And Jake can’t help but smile and lean into the tenderness of her touch. He still can’t believe that this amazing woman actually loves him. She’s too good and too perfect. He’s such a mess and to him, it’s surreal that someone like her could actually love him back. It just doesn’t make sense.

In hindsight, he probably already knew that he loved her even before they said it to each other. He might have loved her long before he even dared to admit it to himself.

Maybe it was too soon to tell, but he’s probably been in love with her since that day she went to his apartment to tell him that they should just “Screw light and breezy”.

He’s probably already in love with her when he decided that he’ll be willing to be demoted if it meant he could still be with her.

But what really made his feelings stronger, were the many times Amy made him feel special.

He’s always been insecure about himself even though he’ll never let it show. Growing up with a cheating father who eventually left, probably did that to him. He became cautious with his relationships. Too afraid to take things seriously. Always trying to hide his emotions behind his jokes and laid back attitude.

He always felt like he couldn’t possibly be a good match for Amy. She’s so put together while he’s just all over the place. But she never made him feel like that mattered. She cared for him like no one did before.

When the Vulture threatened to demote him if he continued to date Amy, she was willing to stay away from him even if it would hurt her. She didn’t want him to compromise his dreams just for her.

She understood him, even if they were so different. Their interests were contrasting, but he saw how Amy tried to acquaint herself in his world.

Watching Die Hard with him till the very end of the movie, even if she’s clearly not into it.

Trying to cheer him up by giving him a sticker just for waking up during that time he was suspended by the Vulture for working a case behind his back.

Buying Orangina for him because she thought it was orange soda and she wanted to buy him his favorite drink cause he clearly loves them.

Enduring his lumpy mattress for a while even when she can’t get any sleep just so she could spend the night with him in his apartment.

Checking up on him from time to time cause she felt guilty when she wasn’t able to come to him faster during that time he had a “Die Hard situation” at the mall with Gina and Charles.

Taking care of him during that time he got quarantined with Holt when they both got the mumps.

Trying to cook for him so he would stop eating cold pizza when they both know that she couldn’t cook anything even if her life depended on it.

And even in this cruise, which he has so clearly messed up right from the very beginning by working too hard on following Doug Judy’s every move instead of enjoying it with her. She wanted to have fun with him and do all the stuff in their itinerary, and any girl would have been pissed with a boyfriend who continues working while they’re on vacation. Sure, they’re cops and the criminal is right in front of them but he has to admit that he may have gone overboard with the Pontiac Bandit thing.

But Amy understood. She even helped him all throughout. Not complaining even if it wasn’t how she expected the cruise would turn out at all. And he appreciates that so much.

She did so many things for him that no one has ever done before. And with every little thing that she does, he falls in love a little bit more.

But he didn’t tell her. Cause he was afraid it might scare her off. They’ve only been together for a few months, and he’s not sure how she would feel if he suddenly confesses that he’s already in love with her.

He was afraid that she doesn’t feel the same way about him yet. They may be together but he doesn’t really think that someone like Amy Santiago would love Jake Peralta.

What if she’s just doing all this because she wants to be an amazing girlfriend. And not exactly for the reason that she loves him back. She’s quite competitive so it could be possible. Plus he thinks that there’s no way Amy would ever love him back. He’s totally flawed. And he knows Amy could easily find someone who’s so much better.

Telling her he loves her could send her running to the door. Just like everyone else in his life. Every time he gets too emotionally invested… they leave. It happened with his dad. It happened with Sophia. And he’s not sure if he can take it if it ever happens between him and Amy.

So instead of telling her how he actually feels, he did what he does best. Hide behind his stupid jokes. Every time he starts to feel his emotions towards Amy get to him, he tries to hide it with a “Noice. Smort.” Which usually ruins whatever emotional moment they have. But he figured that’s probably fine. That’s how they’ve always been. Teasing each other. Making fun of each other. It’s better off that way. Better than being too clingy too soon and assuming that she would actually fall in love with him.

But she did. She loves him. She said so herself.

At first, he thought maybe he’s dreaming.

Did she really say that? Is this real? Am I still alive?!

He was too nervous that he stupidly responded with a “Noice. Smort.” yet again. Then, he realized, screw this! He has to let her know how he feels. So when he said “I love you too”, and he saw the happiness that immediately showed on her face, he just felt so full of joy. Her beautiful smile and her eyes that shone with pure glee is the best thing he’s ever seen. And his only regret is that he never said it first cause he kept holding back.

“I still can’t believe it.”

“What?”

“That you love me.”

“Why?”

“I mean, I’m… me. And you’re… you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just… look at you. You’re amazing. You’re beautiful and smart and so organized and put together. And I’m just… a complete wreck.

I mean, I think I’m beautiful too but that’s probably where the similarity ends.

I’m just kidding about that last part. Or not... It’s up to you really. If you’d agree. I’m gonna shut up now.”

Amy just smiled fondly at him.

“Okay first of all Jake, yes I think you are beautiful. I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that before. But no, you are not a complete wreck. I think you’re amazing and hella smart too. Maybe not organized, but I don’t care. That’s my thing. You don’t need to jump on it.

I love you because you are a good person. Yes, you’re impulsive and sometimes a bit childish but I love that about you. And even if you pose as someone who only cares about himself and doesn’t want to deal with emotions, I know you’re not really like that. I know you care about the people you love and you will do anything to protect them and make them happy. I mean, just look at all your friends. No matter how annoying you try to be, they still stayed by your side.”

“I mean, they didn’t have much choice. We all work together in one place so…”

“I’m just telling you that I love you, Babe. And I really wish you’d believe me.”

“I do believe you, Ames. You’ve been so good to me. You’re absolutely amazing. I just don’t know if I deserve it. And I couldn’t believe that someone like you would actually love someone like me. It just doesn’t make sense. So you know… I kept holding back. I kept trying to control my emotions because I don’t want to scare you off if I tell you how I feel.”

“But you didn’t scare me off. And it does make sense because I love you. And I don’t want you to think otherwise because I will keep on loving you no matter what.”

She kissed him tenderly trying to show him how she truly feels. And he just let himself get lost into it. Why was he even thinking too much about this? He’s with the most beautiful, most intelligent, and most incredible woman he’s ever known. He should just cherish this and be thankful that she loves him in spite of all his flaws. So he breaks off momentarily and lifts her chin so she would look into his eyes.

“I love you too, Babe.”

And they kissed again, somehow deeper and more passionate, making him feel so many emotions he’s never felt before. But this time, he’s no longer overthinking it. Everything is finally making sense… because he’s so fucking in love with Amy Santiago.

Baby, the best part of me is you

Lately, everything's making sense too

Oh, baby, I'm so in love with you

🌹

[coronavirusremediationservices]

With no end to the pandemic in sight, coronavirus fatigue grips America

Gabe Rice began sheltering in his suburban Phoenix home with his wife and three youngest children in March. They worked remotely, learned remotely and put social events on hold to hunker down alongside much of the country.

It was challenging and frustrating, but, Rice initially assumed, temporary. It seemed like a plausible plan to help the nation get the pandemic under control within a couple of months.

But Arizona’s economic reopening in May, urged by Gov. Doug Ducey (R), was soon followed by a spike in coronavirus infections in June, which became a terrible surge in hospitalizations and deaths by July.

Then came August, and the devastating realization for many Americans that the pandemic, which has killed at least 159,000 people across the country and sickened more than five million, is far from over.

“It’s difficult when you think you have a light at the other end of the tunnel to look forward to, and then all of a sudden you realize it’s a train,” said Rice, 44, a program coordinator at Arizona State University.

An exhausted, exasperated nation is suffering from the effects of a pandemic that has upended society on a scale and duration without parallel in living memory.

The Rice family and millions of other Americans are wrestling with difficult questions about how to juggle school, pay their bills and look after their mental and physical health.

Parents lie awake, their minds racing with thoughts of how to balance work with their newfound role as home-schoolers. Frontline health workers are bone tired, their nerves frayed by endless shifts and constant encounters with the virus and its victims. Senior citizens have grown weary of isolation. Unemployed workers fret over jobs lost, benefits that are running out, rent payments that are overdue. Minority communities continue to shoulder the disproportionate burden of the contagion’s impact, which in recent weeks has killed an average of about 1,000 people a day.

Buck Horton reopened his club, Wo-de’s Chill Spot, in Harvey, La., only to be forced into a second closure —  by the fire marshal’s office, which cited violations of Louisiana’s coronavirus restrictions. Buck Horton reopened his club, Wo-de’s Chill Spot, in Harvey, La., only to be forced into a second closure — by the fire marshal’s office, which cited violations of Louisiana’s coronavirus restrictions. (Emily Kask for The Washington Post) The metaphor of a marathon doesn’t capture the wearisome, confounding, terrifying and yet somehow dull and drab nature of this ordeal for many Americans, who have watched leaders fumble the pandemic response from the start. Marathons have a defined conclusion, but 2020 feels like an endless slog — uphill, in mud.

Recent opinion polls hint at the deepening despair. A Gallup survey in mid-July showed 73 percent of adults viewed the pandemic as growing worse — the highest level of pessimism recorded since Gallup began tracking that assessment in early April. Another Gallup Poll, published Aug. 4, found only 13 percent of adults are satisfied with the way things are going overall in the country, the lowest in nine years.

A July Kaiser Family Foundation poll echoed that, finding that a majority of adults think the worst is yet to come. Fifty-three percent said the crisis has harmed their mental health.

In a podcast released Thursday, former first lady Michelle Obama directly addressed the mental toll, saying she has struggled with the quarantines, the government’s response to the pandemic and the persistent reminders of systemic racism that have led to nationwide protests.

“I know that I am dealing with some form of low-grade depression,” she said.

Historians say that not even the 1918 flu pandemic, which killed an estimated 675,000 people in the United States, had the same kind of all-encompassing economic, social and cultural impact.

“One of the biggest differences between this virus and [the 1918] influenza is the duration,” said John Barry, author of “The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History.”

With coronavirus, he said, the incubation period is longer, patients with symptoms tend to be sick longer, and many take longer to recover. Barry said leaders did not make sufficiently clear early on the simple epidemiological truth that this would be a painfully drawn-out event.

“Part of the frustration and disappointment and depression, frankly, is because of the expectation that we’d be through this by now,” he said.

President Trump repeatedly promised a quick resolution. He conjured the image of church pews packed by Easter. The White House recommended 15 days of restrictions. That was then extended by 30 days, to the end of April. On Thursday, Trump said a vaccine could be ready by Election Day, Nov. 3 — a date well in advance of what his administration’s own experts think is likely.

But the virus has repeatedly shown that it has its own timetable. The first wave of shutdowns helped reverse the frightening trend lines of March and early April but came nowhere close to crushing the opportunistic pathogen. And now the season of the pandemic is indisputably the year of the pandemic.

“This will be a long, long haul unless virtually everybody — or a very, very high percentage of the population, including the young people — take very seriously the kind of prevention principles that we’ve been talking about,” Anthony S. Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said in an interview.

“It is within our power and within our will to really get it down to a level that’s low enough that we can do many of the things that would get our economy going again,” he added. “There will be a long slog if everybody doesn’t pitch in.”

Not everyone is experiencing the same level of stress, and everyone’s pandemic struggles differ. Any “essential” worker exposed to high-risk conditions day after day has more urgent concerns than someone merely stuck at home and missing out on summer barbecues.

In Cadiz, Ky., Stephanie Grant has endured one of the most trying years of her life. The 42-year-old lost her job at the end of April. For more than two months, as she waited for unemployment benefits to kick in, she fell behind on her car payment, utilities, insurance and rent for the apartment she shares with her two teenage daughters.

She drained most of her savings trying to remain afloat. She applied for jobs at gas stations and dollar stores. She pursued becoming a coronavirus contract tracer, but that also didn’t come through.

“I could not get a job anywhere,” she said. “I want to get back out there and work.”

As her stress and her bills mounted, Grant turned to a Kentucky nonprofit focused on housing and homelessness. The group helped her catch up on her rent, and the arrival of her unemployment payments in late July have allowed her to catch her breath. For now.

“Right now, I’m wary. It seems like we are falling apart. The stress, the tensions, everything that’s going on. … People are scared,” she said.

And many people are bored, eager to socialize. In Harvey, La., Marlon “Buck” Horton operates a popular bar, Wo-de’s Chill Spot. But Horton’s bar permit was suspended in late July after complaints about what the state fire marshal described as “a large, non-socially distanced crowd.”

Horton, 39, denied the fire marshal’s report that he served alcohol indoors. He said people simply eager to grab a beer crowded outside, and a passerby posted a video of the gathering on Facebook, leading to the crackdown.

“We’re stuck. We don’t have assistance, and we still have landlords,” Horton said last week. At a hearing soon after, the suspension was lifted when he agreed to pay a fine and abide by the state’s coronavirus rules.

Although some states battered by the virus have made progress against it in recent weeks, it has infiltrated small towns with little previous exposure.

In Mississippi, George County is among eight counties that have been told to delay school reopenings for grades seven to 12 until Aug. 17 because of high rates of virus transmission. Superintendent of Education Wade Whitney realized how serious the pandemic had become locally when a co-worker in an adjacent office became severely ill and was hospitalized for five days.

“When that person catches it, it kind of hits you right between the eyes,” Whitney said. “Small-town George County is not immune.”

That co-worker was Matt Caldwell, the director of operations for the school district and the former head football coach at the high school. Caldwell, a big man who played offensive line for the Mississippi State Bulldogs in the early 1990s, had assumed it would be no big deal if he was infected.

“Boy, was I wrong,” he said. “I definitely underestimated it. I tell everybody I talk to it’s a real thing. Those people who think its just a hoax and all that — I know this, I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anybody.”

Jennifer Nuzzo, an epidemiologist at Johns Hopkins University, has become an oft-quoted expert during the coronavirus pandemic. But she’s also a mother who is dismayed that her son Miles, 7, who should be entering second grade in a Maryland public school, will start the year with online-only instruction.

“I’m absolutely devastated. It’s not learning,” Nuzzo said.

The Washington Nationals host the New York Mets on Aug. 4 in an otherwise empty Nationals Park. The Washington Nationals host the New York Mets on Aug. 4 in an otherwise empty Nationals Park. (Jonathan Newton/The Washington Post) This is not just back-to-school season, it’s also the time when many counties and states hold their annual fairs. Those are being canceled right and left. Professional sports is now back on air, but in most cases without fans in the stadiums and arenas. Major League Baseball is trying to keep its revived season intact after several outbreaks of infection.

And there are the ordinary cancellations so many people have endured — birthdays not celebrated, weddings and funerals carried out over Zoom, trips not taken, loved ones not visited.

Joseph and Kelli Crawford of Gilbert, Ariz., had planned to travel to London in April for their 10th anniversary and for her sister’s 30th birthday. Everything was booked: Flights, lodging, tickets to concerts and plays.

They rescheduled for March 2021. But now they worry that even that might be optimistic.

“I’m crossing my fingers. But I’m also not going to be packing my bags,” said Kelli, 33.

A flight attendant, she also agreed to an 18-month voluntary separation from her work. She’ll keep her health insurance and part of her salary.

But she won’t be bored. All four of the Crawfords’ children, ages 4, 5, 10 and 13, are home. The three oldest have begun remote classes. Their 4-year-old daughter has been aching to start preschool since she saw her older brother do so last year. But there is no virtual preschool, so that plan is on hold.

“It’s one thing for the adults to be lonely,” Kelli said. “But these poor kids, I get so heartbroken about the loneliness they’re experiencing.”

There are glimmers of hope for those staggered by this dire moment: The vaccine development for the novel coronavirus appears to be moving at unprecedented speed. There are promising therapeutics that may lower the mortality rate of those who become severely ill.

The pandemic will someday come to an end, experts promise, because all pandemics have. And though SARS-CoV-2 is a slippery and unpredictable virus, it has not proved as deadly as the 1918 influenza virus that swept across much of the planet.

“In 1918, practically every city in the country ran out of coffins,” Barry said. Victims commonly died at home. “All these things led to much greater fear, which meant that people were also more willing to put up with anything that might help.”

Howard Markel, a medical historian at the University of Michigan, said that though similarities exist between today’s outbreak and the influenza pandemic a century ago, American society was different at that time.

Americans had experienced epidemics of cholera, diphtheria and other diseases in the not-so-distant past. They were accustomed to children dying of smallpox, whooping cough and other diseases.

Rep. T.S. McMillan, a Democrat from Charleston, S.C., with two flappers, dances the Charleston in Washington in the 1920s. Rep. T.S. McMillan, a Democrat from Charleston, S.C., with two flappers, dances the Charleston in Washington in the 1920s. (Library of Congress) Unlike today, most Americans also had little confidence that a magic bullet would end the suffering and exasperation. “Another expectation of our era is the expectation that science will come up with a fix quickly,” Markel said. “None of us have the patience for lengthy processes. We live in an instant society.”

Still, Markel said, despite the seemingly endless nature of the current situation, history offers reasons for optimism. When the pandemic of 1918-1919 was over, for instance, people rebounded quickly.

“They went out and started dancing the Charleston, buying raccoon coats and buying stocks and bonds,” he said. “It went from zero to 60 in no time flat.”

This crisis, too, will pass.

“No question, epidemic fatigue or pandemic fatigue is real. We are experiencing it,” Markel said. “But throughout human history, there have been terrible pandemics and contagious threats. Every civilization, every nation, has come through to the other side. And we will, too.”

[simwoman2002]

Perfection

A/N: I normally do not place warnings at the beginnings of my stories, but this is a special case. If you like Doug and/or Doug and Evie’s relationship, I advise that you avoid reading this story altogether. If you are anti-Doug x Evie or just anti-Doug, then congratulations- you have found the Descendants fanfic of your dreams. Last chance… Turn back now or forever hold your peace. You have been officially warned.

     Mal relaxed on her bed in her and Evie’s dorm room, completely and utterly at ease. She was engrossed in a book, her eyes trained upon the words as she lost herself.

  Everything was magnificent. Until Evie came barging in with such a storm surrounding her. Mal jerked with surprise, but whatever smarmy comment she was going to throw at Evie had disappeared from her mind.

  “Evie?! Are you okay?!” Mal asked, shooting up from her position on the bed. Evie stopped in her fast approach of her own bed, her head down and her blue locks covering her face in a mystical veil. Mal hurried in front of the other girl, taking her shoulders in her hands gently.

  She tried to see through the impenetrable wall of hair to the face underneath. Mal was growing increasingly worried as she didn’t receive a response.

  But then she felt it. One small, nearly imperceptible quake of Evie’s shoulders. Mal immediately knew something was terribly amiss and she gently parted the hair covering Evie’s bowed head.

  What she saw upon separating the curtain was just as concerning as what she had gathered from its existence. Evie’s face was covered in smeared mascara, pure blue trails streaking down her face as tear after tear rolled down her cheeks.

  “Evie-” Mal started to speak, but Evie shook her head, suddenly clinging onto the shorter girl with such a force that Mal was completely pressed against her.

  Mal blinked and returned the hug hesitantly, her heart wrenching with a deep ache when Evie sobbed brokenly.

  The green-eyed girl guided them backward the best that she could so that they were sitting on Evie’s bed. Mal then simply held the other girl in her embrace the best she could considering she was the smaller of the two.

  Evie was curled up against her as closely as she could get without being practically on top of her, her body shaking with the tears that were currently drenching Mal’s thin tee.

  Mal couldn’t help but feel herself growing increasingly more worried about Evie. What happened to her? Or who happened to her? Mal couldn’t help but immediately feel an uncontrollable flame of pure rage at whoever could’ve caused this. She would skin them alive, hang the trophy on her wall, and then throw whatever remained of them in the ocean between the Isle of the Lost and the United States of Auradon.

  Nobody messed with her sister.

  Evie clung to her desperately as if Mal was her lifeline, her entire body dependent upon Mal’s sturdy frame. Mal just let the girl lean against her heavily with Evie’s chin on Mal’s shoulder and her head tightly pressed against Mal’s own.

  Mal tried to control her breathing as well as possible, slowly exhaling and inhaling in hopes that Evie would catch on and do the same.

  After what felt like an eternity, Evie let out a long, shaky breath as her grip slackened incrementally. Mal hummed in appreciation, vocalizing her approval of Evie’s attempts to calm down. Evie breathed in and out as Mal stroked her hair absently.

  When Evie finally calmed down enough to perhaps relate to Mal what had happened, Mal tried to work up the courage to ask.

  “Evie?” Mal spoke quietly so she wouldn’t startle the other girl. Evie made a nearly silent noise of questioning. Mal wet her lips, trying to figure out the best way to approach the subject.

  “What happened?” Mal mentally slapped herself. That was way too blunt. She should’ve said something about Evie telling her when she was ready. It would’ve been what Evie said to her if Mal was in Evie’s position.

  Evie stiffened, and tightened her grip around Mal to an almost suffocating grasp. Mal sucked in a breath, trying to regain the air lost.

  “Doug… He-he-” Evie then burst into tears all over again. Mal’s mind immediately jumped to the worst conclusions.

  Had he harmed her physically? Mal hadn’t seen any bruises or marks, but then Evie came into their dorm in quite a hurry.

  Did he force her into… that? Mal couldn’t help the low growl that escaped from her. If Doug had done that, he’d endure vast, unimaginable worlds of pain, suffering, and anguish before she finally killed him.

  He’d never know what hit him. She’d come into his and Ben’s dorm like a shadow in the night and take him away to somewhere that no one would ever find him before she tortured him brutally by candlelight. And then she’d finally finish him off by taking her own powers and strangling him.

  “He broke up with me,” Evie choked out, her sobs growing tenfold. Mal’s racing mind was suddenly brought to an abrupt halt as she realized it wasn’t what she had thought at all.

  But she still might kill him.

  That idiot had left a wonderfully good thing. Evie was perfect. Mal knew it. The bluenette was truly a magnificent girlfriend to Doug. She was almost always patient with him, she did so many little things for him, and she never ever yelled at him. Mal always wished that she could have the incredible tolerance that Evie had.

  It made Mal sick to see Evie so utterly affected by that disgusting, horrid boy.

  “Mal, what did I do wrong? I tried so hard,” Evie bawled, and Mal felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her stomach. Evie never was this much of a mess. Even when she cried, she was always more composed than this.

  Evie didn’t deserve this. Doug deserved the pain.

  “I’m not pretty enough, am I?” Evie questioned, sobering from her hysterics immediately as she loosened her hold on Mal. “My nose… it’s too sharp. My skin’s not fair enough, my eyes aren’t the right color, my hair doesn’t have enough volume,” Evie launched into a hypercritical assessment of herself. Mal shook herself from her stupor and pulled away from Evie so that she could press her forehead against the bluenette’s and look into her eyes.

  “No, Evie, you’re not pretty,” Evie’s face fell, and her entire face reflected a hurt, resigned disappointment. “You’re absolutely gorgeous,” Mal told her heartfeltly.

  “That piece of,” Mal paused, collecting herself since she knew Evie hated for her to swear, “work…. doesn’t deserve you,” Mal reassured firmly.

  “I love him, Mal. I thought he loved me, too,” Evie averted her gaze as several tears rolled down her cheeks. Mal hesitantly moved her hand up toward the slightly older girl’s face. After a moment of thinking it over, she wiped her left cheek gently, the moisture remaining on Mal’s hand.

  “Hey,” Mal spoke, trying to regain Evie’s attention. “Talk to me about it. I know it hurts, but it’ll help you if you let it out,” Mal advised. She then grinned lopsidedly.

  “At least… That’s what my sister told me,” the green-eyes girl spoke, hoping for Evie’s usual response whenever Mal called her that.

  Mal wasn’t disappointed. Evie returned Mal’s gaze immediately when Mal said the magic word. Her eyes lit up with that almost pitifully excited look of hope and affection. It was slightly dulled, but it was still very much there.

  The corners of Mal’s lips quirked with a slight smile. Evie returned the grin, albeit significantly less happy, but pleased all the same.

  Mal pulled back from the bluenette and Evie leaned so that her head was on Mal’s shoulder.

  The purple-haired girl sat in complete silence with the other girl as they simply relaxed together. Mal was willing to wait on Evie to talk about it. She knew it was going to be painful for the other girl.

  “It all started when I went to where we were supposed to meet today,” Evie slowly, deliberately began, attempting to push through the agony that was about to come flooding in.

  Mal offered her palm, her fingers extended. Evie’s hand shot up like a flash, grabbing her own in a tight hold.

  The story wasn’t going to be pretty.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      Evie skipped across the schoolyard with an enormous grin, her entre face bright with her excitement to meet Doug at their spot at the picnic tables. She had everything: the picnic basket was swinging lazily from her hand’s grasp, her homework tucked under her arm, and whatever else she thought they could need on their study date.

  Her heart skipped a beat as she spotted his lanky form positioned at the table. Evie quickened her pace, thrilled to see him again.

  She carefully snuck up behind him, her eyes aglow with mischief as she suddenly dove in and covered his eyes with her hands, holding her papers underneath her arm the best she could.

  “Guess who?” Evie playfully questioned. She heard him sigh, and her smile faded just a little. That was strange. Generally, she got a laugh from him when she did that.

  “Evie, stop… We need to talk,” he told her, an oddly serious tone lacing his words. Evie took her hands away hesitantly, her fingers lightly scraping against his scalp as she removed them.

  Evie moved onto the seat, situating herself on the bench as she sat her things on the table gingerly, taking special care in placing everything in a perfect order.

  She then turned her upper body toward him so that she could physically devote her entire attention to him and what he was about to say.

  Evie nervously tried to read his profile, but whatever mask he had put up had effectively done its job. She couldn’t see any sign of what sort of news she was about to hear.

  Doug finally looked at her, and Evie quickly perceived that it wasn’t going to be the good type of news.

  “Evie… I think we should start seeing other people,” he told her, averting his eyes to his hands that were resting on the table.

  Evie felt as if she had been punched in the gut. It was as if the words had an actual physical effect on her. Evie sat blubbering for a few moments, trying desperately to think of something useful and good to say.

   “Why?” she finally asked, unashamedly gaping at him as she tried to fully comprehend what had been said to her. Doug shook his head and he looked at her somewhat sadly.

  “I just don’t think that we’re that well-suited for each other. You deserve better than me, and I’m tired of holding you back,” Evie opened her mouth, about to object, but Doug held up a hand, effectively stopping whatever words were going to come.

  “Also, I, um… Found someone else. Her name is Chaca, daughter of Pacha, you know, the guy that was such great friends with Emperor Kuzco,” he paused for a moment, seeming to recollect his thoughts.

  “And… Considering that, I just don’t think it’d be fair to either of us if we were to keep dating,” Doug explained with a slightly guilty twinge to his voice. Evie’s jaw slackened, her eyes growing glassy as the words fully began to sink in her skin.

  “Evie, you deserve a guy who can make all of your dreams come true. You deserve a guy who can give you all of his heart, a heart that doesn’t already belong to someone else. And that guy’s not me,” Doug told her.

  Evie sharply inhaled, trying to get a hold of her swirling emotions. Hurt, jealousy, inferiority, anger, there was an endless compendium composing a fiery vortex of betrayal and ultimately lostness.

  She looked down at her lap, feeling her heart fall apart into a million, seemingly unrepairable amount of pieces.

  “I love you, Evie, but not like a boyfriend should. You’re a great friend and I hope we can still be friends. I don’t want this to come between us,” Doug told her with a small smile, offering his hand to her. Evie looked down at it.

  It was so alien, yet so familiar. She wanted to take it, but at the same time, she wanted to turn it away. Evie brought her mocha gaze back to meet his own orbs. She suddenly felt like she was out of air.

  Evie stood up so quickly that she almost fell, tripping over the bench. Evie turned away from Doug, taking off as quickly as she could in the other direction.

  She heard him calling behind her, but she couldn’t deal with him right now. Evie had to go to the one place where she knew she could remain largely unbothered. After all, there was a door and she could lock it.

  It was also the only place that had a hot shower, extra cookies, and maybe even a shoulder to cry on if she got there at the right time.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      “And I got back here,” Evie choked out, shutting her eyes tightly. Mal squeezed the hand that was in her own.

  Mal didn’t really know what to say that could even begin to make Evie feel any better. She released a deep breath, resting her head on Evie’s.

  “That’s… one heck of a story,” Mal murmured, trying to fight the overwhelming urge to choke Doug. She was glad he had told Evie the truth before she got hurt even worse than she was now, but at the same time, she felt like killing him because he made the stupid decision to choose someone else over Evie.

  Evie simply nodded her head in response, nuzzling further into the velvety softness of Mal’s shirt. Mal shifted a bit uncomfortably. Evie was resting her full weight against Mal, and, although Evie didn’t have very much weight to rest on her, it was still hard for Mal’s small frame to hold her up easily.

  When she felt a crick developing in the small of her back, Mal began to lower herself to the bed carefully, indicating gently to Evie that she was going to lie down. Evie moved back with her and before long, the pressure of Evie’s body was significantly less than before as Mal rested on her back.

  “Mal, I don’t understand why he broke up with me… I did everything I could to be a great girlfriend, but I wasn’t good enough,” Evie spoke, her normally melodious voice cracking mid-sentence. Mal shook her head, turning it to look at Evie.

  “You are so perfect, Evie. Everything about you is perfect. The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you look away when you know your best friend’s telling the truth and you’re being stubborn,” Mal lifted their interlocked hands and extended her pointer finger, poking Evie’s cheek gently with a playful grin. Evie rejoined her gaze with Mal’s hesitantly, a small exasperated smile crossing her face.

  “You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re sweet, you’re funny…. You’re so many things, E. I actually wish I could be like you sometimes,” Mal shrugged, looking up at the canopy covering the top of the bed.

  Evie immediately trained her attention more fully on Mal.

  “Wh- really? Why would you want to be like me?” the bluenette asked. Mal stared at her incredulously.

  “Yes, really. Why would I not? I… I look up to you,” Mal quietly mumbled the last part, turning her head in the opposite direction as the embarrassment tingled through her body. She hadn’t exactly meant to tell Evie that.

  It was true, though. After all, she viewed Evie as her big sister. Her awesome, incredible, one-of-a-kind big sister.

  She eventually returned her head to its original position so that she could look at Evie. However, Mal certainly didn’t expect to see a sweet smile on Evie’s face and tears trailing down her cheeks.

  Just as Mal began to worry that she finally broke her or that she said something wrong, Evie sat up on the bed, pulling up Mal, and yanked her into a bone-crushing hug. Mal returned it quickly, still a little concerned for whatever remained of Evie’s sanity.

  “Are you okay?” Mal questioned tentatively. Evie nodded her head, sniffling.

  “Yes. It’s just… It means so much to me that you’d say that. That I actually mean that much to you,” Mal felt a stab to her chest at the horribly sad statement. Well… Take her heart, she didn’t need it anymore, anyway.

  “I’m absolutely honored that you look up to me,” Evie paused to pull away from Mal and place her hands on Mal’s shoulders, “and I promise you that I will do everything in my power not to disappoint you,” Evie promised, and Mal felt the familiar sting of tears in her own eyes. Mal blinked hard and forced a chuckle.

  Darn Evie. Always ditching her own feelings for the thought of someone else’s. Mal was supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around.

  “Well, gee, E, I thought you were the one down, not me,” Mal plastered a smile on her face. Evie shook her head.

  “You matter, too,” Evie told her with an oddly serious expression as she sighed sadly.

  “I know, but be a little selfish right now, ‘kay? Besides I know you’re trying to distract yourself. That’s good, but it’s also healthy to do a little wallowing,” Mal told her, subtly wiping her eyes as she tried to muster a more cheerful look.

  Evie nodded, and Mal could see her mind desperately fighting the thought of Doug.

  “You know what I think this calls for?” Mal questioned suddenly, the perfect idea popping into her head. Evie looked at her with a questioning glance.

  “No…?”

  “Well, I don’t know if you’re up for it, but I’ve got some Oreos with our names on them and some weird movies I’ve never seen before that Lonnie came up with.” As soon as Mal nonchalantly mentioned the cookies, Evie’s focus was trained directly upon her singularly.

  “Are they traditional?” Evie asked, and Mal could see her eyes lighting up with that familiar chocolate craze.

  “Yep.”

  “What’re waiting for?! Let’s wallow!” Evie yelled, hopping off the bed in her haste.

  Mal shook her head with a grin. Evie’s heart could be healed in time. However, her smile faded slowly into an angrier expression as she began to consider what she was going to do as soon as she could manage.

  Yes, she certainly has some unfinished business to attend to.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      It was undeniable. Mal had the look of a woman on a mission. Her eyes were aglow with her trademark green, every sense heightened in her hunt for a certain dork.

  Her gaze trailed across the open space. She easily spotted Audrey with her ridiculous new hairstyle that she actually thought was pretty. Mal rolled her eyes in disgust. Audrey was so ridiculous.

  Mal continued her scan and she quickly saw Chad Charming with his latest girl that he had picked up and was cheating on Audrey with. She disgustedly averted her eyes from his way too public and certainly way too grabby show of affection. Honestly, was he trying to eat her face off?

  There were various other people out and about. It was a sunny day, and Mal didn’t blame them for seizing the moment of beauty. However, she herself was a little worried about getting a sunburn and consequentially receiving a long lecture from Evie about how she should take care of her skin.

  She refocused her concentration on the task at hand, and quickly spotted the awkward boy seated at the exact picnic table that Evie had recounted.

  Mal soundlessly strode over, and she kept her eye on him, making sure he didn’t spot her before she was ready to be seen.

  Mal then moved nearby a tree that happened to be close by Doug’s sitting spot, her eyes gleaming as she surveyed her prey. She silently glared at him for a moment, if she could, she’d melt him in place. Then she wouldn’t have to endure this painfully awkward conversation.

  But she had to get it over with. It was for Evie’s wellbeing and happiness and there was no price she wouldn’t gladly pay for her best friend.

  “Yo, loser-face,” Mal finally spoke, her back against the tree as she stared at the shaggy mop of hair on top of the guy’s head. He turned his head quickly as if startled and gaped at Mal.

  “C’mon,” Mal beckoned him with her finger, “we need to talk.” She didn’t wait to see if he’d follow and simply began strolling through the grass. After a moment or two, she heard his awkward gait as he hurried over beside her.

  They walked together for a moment, neither saying a word. Mal finally looked over at him and saw that he was a nervous wreck. She lightly exhaled, knowing that she had better tell him what was on her mind before he fainted or did something totally sissy like that.

  “Look, Doug, I appreciate you telling Evie the truth,” Mal expressed, and Doug jumped at the sound of her voice. She offered a small smile, but it quickly disappeared.

  “Well, I only figured it was right,” he mumbled, seemingly shy around her. She sighed, hating that she was about to have to burst his bubble.

   “And I also want to tell you that I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t speak to Evie again for a long time,” Mal told him, stopping in her tracks. He quickly mimicked the action, pausing immediately. He looked at her with a shocked expression.

  “The reason being is that she’s really upset right now. She’s been desperately trying to distract herself, and I don’t think seeing you would help the situation any right now,” Mal tried to break it to him as gently as possible.

  “B-but I want to still see her. I told her I still wanted to be her friend. A good friend wouldn’t just leave her to suffer.” Mal’s eyes flashed with that familiar warning green flame and he stepped back in fear.

  “She’s not been suffering by herself. I’ve been there for every single solitary tear my sister has cried over you. Don’t you think she deserves a break from you and the pain you cause?” Mal viciously poked him in the chest, allowing her anger to overrule her best judgement.

  Doug looked down at his shoes and crossed his arms over his chest, and Mal could easily see the intense guilt lacing his expression. Mal’s frustration with him faded away somewhat and she placed her hand on his shoulder, patting him gently.

  “I’m not mad, Doug,” he looked at her hopefully. She bit her bottom lip. “I’m sure there’s a part of me, somewhere deep inside my heart where I’m not mad.” At that point, he looked somewhere between horrified and relieved.

  “I understand that you had to tell her the truth and I admire you for that. I just don’t want her to have to go through any more hurt than she already has,” Mal told him, removing her hand and drawing it back to her side.

  After a moment of awkward silence, Mal cleared her throat.

  “Well, consider that my letting you off easy for breaking her heart. Can’t promise the guys are going to be so gentle, but I’ll try to persuade them,” Mal punched his shoulder firmly and Doug offered a small grin as they resumed their walk together. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he tried to subtly rub his very much sore arm. Hey, she didn’t punch anyone easy. Unless it was one of the three most important people in her life. Mal was gentle with them.

  “Thanks, I’d appreciate that,” he chuckled. Mal grinned at him, her characteristic mischief shining through.

  “Or I could introduce you to persuasion and reason myself. Y’know, let you get acquainted with them personally,” Mal told him, bumping into his arm with her shoulder.

  As they walked, she held up her right fist. “Here’s persuasion,” Mal held up her left fist, “and here’s reason.” Doug stared at her hands for a moment before smiling slightly.

  “Not sure if you’re kidding or not, but I’m going to take that as a joke.” They both shared a hearty laugh.

  “I was…. Mostly,” Mal told him, and he stopped, watching her leave as she continued along her merry way.

  Mal shrugged to herself once she was out of eyeshot.

  “I tally that as being a good talk,” Mal told herself, a smirk making its way onto her face as she left to find Evie.

  Nobody messed with Evie. Ever. Or any of her family. They’d get to have an exclusive heart to heart with her fists of fury.

   Well, if you made it this far, Imma go ahead and assume you’re either a Doug hater or you just wanted some sisterly fluff. I hope you enjoyed!

[turbomun]

Why “it’s not filler, it’s WORLDBUILDING!!” is bullshit

As you’ve probably noticed, one of SU crits’ biggest complaints about the show is the amount of filler episodes. SU stans rebut this by insisting that said episodes aren’t filler at all -- they’re necessary world-building episodes used to deliver information about the show’s characters, relationships, and lore.

That’s bullshit, and here’s why.

1. The world is already developed.

Sure, human-centric episodes actually served a purpose back in Season 1, when the show was brand-new and we had to be introduced to everything in it. And the deliberately slow pacing helped to build suspense and anticipation, establishing that this wasn’t the kind of story where everything would be revealed at once. Because of that first season (and, to a lesser extent, the second season) we now have a detailed idea of how Steven views the world and reacts to it. What we should be seeing now is how Steven reacts to new things -- not how he reacts when Onion acts weirdly for the 27th time. Repeated information isn’t going to develop the world any further -- and four seasons into a series isn’t the best time for significant worldbuilding, anyway.

2. There’s no new information about the characters.

At the beginning of the show, character-centric episodes -- whether they were about the humans or the Gems -- were an excellent way to build relationships and deliver exposition without bricking the audience over the head with information. It absolutely made a big difference: when Beach City was badly damaged at the end of Season 1, we felt the impact of it, because we knew the citizens and how devastated they were by what had happened. However, character development isn’t being furthered by the newer episodes, it’s just being pummeled into our heads and becoming tedious.

Let’s use Lars as an example. In addition to cross-episode character development, Lars had several episodes dedicated to him alone: “Lars and the Cool Kids”, “Island Adventure”, and “The New Lars”, to name a few. After those episodes, did “The Good Lars” actually tell us anything new about his character, other than that he likes baking? I understand that the point was to make us feel the impact when he was kidnapped a couple of episodes later, but we would have felt that same impact even without being told that his fragile masculinity is challenged by his love of baking. The information has no impact on the story.

Just so you won’t think that I’m only picking on the human characters, Pearl is another example, as there have been approximately seventy gojillion episodes that mention how she isn’t over Rose Quartz.

3. There’s no payoff.

Like I said, Season 1 had a very slow pace, but it built steadily until it finally ended in a good payoff: “The Return” and “Jailbreak” brought together everything that we had learned in the show up until that point, making all of the previous episodes feel more impactful. Now, in Season 4, we typically have 3 or 4 slow filler episodes followed by 2 or 3 fast-paced plot episodes, but the problem is that the information that we’re given in the filler episodes no longer have very much to do with the plot episodes. What did “Future Boy Zoltron” or “Three Gems and a Baby” contribute to the human zoo arc? What did “Lion 4: Alternate Ending” and “Doug Out” have to do with the Trial arc? The fact that all of these stories are disconnected is what makes the filler episodes really feel superfluous.

4. No, it’s not “taking a breather.”

If you introduce 15 mysteries, have 10 episodes of nothing, and then introduce 5 more mysteries without addressing the old ones, the audience is not going to feel like that break was “taking a breather.” They’re going to feel like the diversion was completely unnecessary, and a growing portion of SU fans feels exactly that. As I outlined in the previous point, this is because the filler episodes have absolutely nothing to do with the plot episodes anymore. And no, the characters don’t need to “take a breather” either, as they do not really exist. If you want to indicate that they’re stressed because of the realistic consequences of what they’ve endured, that’s fine, but you don’t need to painstakingly show us how they went on vacation to try and escape their PTSD unless it has some relation to the story as a whole.

And, with the way that Steven Universe has been going lately, it probably won’t.

[63824peace]

Monday, 28th of november 2005

The Japanese space probe Hayabusa has done it!

It finally landed on the asteroid Itokawa, three hundred million kilometers away! It has successfully retrieved deposit samples too.

Japan has used robotic technology to prove its excellence with asteroid probes, even though we have lagged behind the rest of the world's space development. The world's first ion engine has defied expectations and proven itself operable. Hayabusa has successfully answered our hopes, and Japanese space development has taken a huge leap forward.

The Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) should now take pride in its work. It stared down the excessive criticism lobbed at it. It must have given dreams to nourish the gumption of students and scientists for a long time. I hope that this success inspires them to catch up on their work.

The father of Japanese rocket engineering, Professor Hideo Itokawa, gave his name to the asteroid Itokawa. Both the asteroid and the probe bear Japanese names, which highlights how thoroughly Japan's strengths define this project - its people, wisdom, intellect, and resources.

Hayabusa will depart for Earth from Itokawa in December. Apparently it can't travel straight home. It must deviate from a straight trajectory and travel an extra billion kilometers in order to return. We expect it home next June.

I feel as though I can almost identify with Hayabusa. Hayabusa seems less like a machine engineered for space, and more like a solitary traveling hero whose extraterrestrial sojourn elicits deep pathos. I absolutely want him to return safely - I wish him a safe trip.

We can read about Hayabusa's latest news on JAXA's website. They show how he has fared today as well as his position relative to Itokawa. I can't really believe that he's hundreds of millions of kilometers away when I look at the web site.

I've bookmarked the site, and I check it every day. I'm glad that we can use the internet this way.

I bought the Limited Edition of HIM's latest album, Dark Light. I had listened exclusively to HIM during October and November, especially the hits album And Love Said No. I think I listened to them every day.

I already have the imported version of Dark Light, but the Limited Edition's B5 standardized publishing format caught my eye. I was standing in front of the cashier before I knew it.

I tore into the Limited Edition's shrink-wrap immediately. It's a superb deluxe package. I made a good decision when I bought it.

It features a full-color, twenty-four page hardcover booklet that contains lyrics handwritten by vocalist Ville Valo. It also includes a bonus track (The Cage) that hasn't come on either the Japanese or the imported versions. They packaged a flyer inside with a secret code for HIM's website. We can apparently download cell phone ringtones for Wings of a Butterfly, Killing Loneliness, Under the Rose, Vampire Heart, and Dark Light.

The ringtones might only work on Nokia phones though. HIM is Finnish after all. I suppose my cell phone won't work then.

I have a weakness for limited editions, box sets, and limited first-release versions. I relish the bonuses and extras packaged with special copies. I likewise prefer limited edition DVDs.

Movies, music, and games all run off digitally reproduced copies. We can mass-produce them without compromising the content's playback quality. Yet limited editions give the impression that they have been handcrafted because publishers release so few of them.

I must be old-fashioned. I feel greater respect for the contents of a given work according to the physical artifact's material value.

I intend to do the same for Subsistence's first release. Only first-time limited editions will carry all three discs. The normal version will carry only two discs. The third disc (Existence) holds about three and a half hours of footage, and its name really reflects the idea behind a limited edition. Subsequent packages won't have the disc, so it really only exists within the limited edition.

You can make a first-run limited edition simply by adding material value to the physical artifact. It won't matter if the digital content can be reproduced flawlessly.

I ate kakesoba and butadonburi-kuro for lunch at Kurosawa. On my way back to the office I detoured down Keyaki-zaka Street and passed in front of the Hills Arena. They had an unusually heavy amount of security, perhaps in preparation for an event.

I wonder who will come today.

I considered this in light of recently released movies. I remembered having heard about a promotional event for the movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith, and I realized that it might happen today. Did that mean that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would come here? Was everyone rolling out the red carpet for Brangelina?

They've already erected a number of barricades, and they haven't even finished yet. That's unusual for this time of day. The guard plates have formed a labyrinth inside and out. I suppose they set it up to separate the excited crowd, disrupting the chaos of their collective energy.

The sight reminded me of breakwater dams that restrain the force of the sea. I saw that the Hills Arena guards had prepared as though executing a war strategy.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith had a huge delay between its Japanese and American debuts. It will finally run in Japan's theaters starting December 3. I always look forward to watching that kind of movie around the year's end.

Doug Liman directed the film. He had worked previously on The Bourne Identity, and that turned out excellent. He also produced the exceptional sequel, The Bourne Supremacy. We don't have many directors like him in our times... he can actually make an action movie that retains a measure of self-possession.

I've seen the trailer many times already, and I think that Mr. & Mrs. Smith will justify my eagerness.

I like the movie's plot too. An ordinary couple had married for true love, but they were really a pair of professional killers hired by competing companies.

They share a dull but peaceful home life. Meanwhile, they hide their true work as assassins from each other. They learn each other's secret one day when they receive separate assignments to kill each other.

What will they choose - the mission or their marriage vows?

We assume that we know our spouses well since we're married. We trust that we know about his or her birth, profession, and so on... but I wonder if we really know so much. Does the husband who goes to work every day really hold an honest job?

A man might hide his true profession and live his marriage without ever breaking the lie. It's not uncommon to hear about a husband who gets fired from a company and then eats lunch in a public park to hide his unemployment from his wife.

As a matter of fact, I think that a lot of married couples withhold secrets from each other. Their relationship endures because they have mysteries left unexplained.

I started thinking... what if my wife had such-and-such a profession, or such-and-such an identity?

What if she was the President of a big corporation? A Yakuza boss? A princess from some other country?

What about a murderer? A criminal? A phantom thief? A ninja descendent?

Or a vampire? A ghost? A zombie? A time traveler? A resident from Atlantis? A clone? A reincarnated spirit? A Grateful Crane from the folktale?

Maybe we could pick up a few ideas from movies. Could my wife turn out to be a runaway princess like Audrey Hepburn's character in Roman Holiday? Or could she be a secret agent hiding her identity, caught in romance and political intrigue as in the Korean action-romance Shuri? Or perhaps an adept criminal such as one of the sisters in the anime Cats Eye?

Or perhaps she's a disoriented amnesiac who stumbled into a web of mistaken identity, like in the movie Ima-ai-ni-yukimasu? Could it be that my lover is Santa Claus? No, no, that's not a movie… it's a song!

How about Samantha from Bewitched? No... that's too obvious....

I considered a whole variety of different ideas. Men seem to enjoy speculating on these kinds of things.

But the speculation should probably stay close to fantasies. I would feel uncomfortable if my imagination hit too close to my actual circumstances. I wouldn't like to muse, "Perhaps my wife is a famous game designer." Or, if I considered if from HIDEOBLOG's perspective, "Perhaps my wife is an incredibly popular and charismatic blogger."

KojiPro staff met at lunch to discuss arrangement for MG Saga. We all met in one of the fourteenth floor reception rooms. People attended whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We finally have another chance to work together.

I could see the Tokyo Tower from the fourteenth floor. It seemed different from its depiction in the movie Always, as it had appeared during the Shōwa Era. Perhaps it's because so many skyscrapers surround it now.

The Tokyo Tower changes with the times. The Heisei Era's Tower goes well with smog.

We discussed MGS4 in the glass room until evening. The air conditioning made the glass room extremely cold. I had stayed in there for a while, and now I feel a bit feverish. I wonder if I've caught a cold. Just in case, I poured a Kakkonto herbal drink down my throat.

We have completed MGA2's desktop accessory - an interactive, Touch-and-Play screen saver! I had asked Power Graphic to make it since they also made the super-cool AC!D2 Trailer.

I have already named the program....

Behold! UchidAC!D, the Interactive Screen Saver!

Users can download it from MGA2's official site starting December 2. It's trendy and entertaining!

Now users won't see what we have designed for them to play… they'll play with the design instead!

We don't see things like this very often. Our screen saver serves as an ideal medium for fingertip exercise combined with mental engagement.

You should try it too! Let's AC!D up our brains with UchidAC!D!

I stood on the Roppongi station platform and waited for my subway home on the Hibiya Line. I noticed two billboards positioned between the inbound and outbound train tracks. It had been left bare of advertisements.

I've rarely seen them like that, if ever, because that's such a popular place to advertise. The posters rotate pretty regularly. Advertisement demand should be high for the popularity.

I can't believe that anyone left those two billboards totally white, as though they had no advertising clients. I've even seen subway employees working quickly between the tracks to change the posters on those billboards.

You just hardly ever see blank ad space there.

I even suspected that it was an optical illusion. I also considered that advertisers might have deliberately expressed the idea of plainness or vacancy. I even allowed that it might hold an eccentric advertisement for a modern art showpiece.

I stared and stared, but no hidden script appeared. I concluded that the white surface hadn't been lettered with reflective paint.

I finally resolved that the billboards definitely weren't ads in themselves, but only bases for future ads. Did the station finally get caught without its ads ready? Or was this all somehow intentional?

I wonder if the little girl shutterbug would have snapped a photo. How would her eyes have seen this?

I read the morning edition of the Asahi Journal in the evening because I hadn't had time for it when it first circulated today. The information was obsolete of course, but I still ritually read "Vox Populi, Vox Dei."

Today it addressed the End-of-the-Year Jumbo Lottery tickets that I had written about in last Friday's HIDEOBLOG entry. The column addressed the same topic as my aforementioned blog, but it was written so much better! I could hardly believe we had written in the same language!

The column opened with an explanation of the lottery's beginning. The Jumbo Lottery started when Victory Tickets had been sold to finance the war during its final days. The column then connected that story with the annual salary of Hideki Matsui, the baseball player for the New York Yankees. The writing was so skillful that I had to tip my hat to it.

Now I feel pretty low. HIDEOBLOG isn't much more than a diary. It's not really worth others' time to read.

I feel like quitting.

The distance between the asteroid Itokawa and Earth is the same as the difference between HIDEOBLOG and "Vox Populi, Vox Dei."

[simwoman2002]

Body Switch

  “Why can’t you just be quiet and listen to me for a minute?!” Evie raised her voice a bit louder than her usual calm tone.

  “Oh, my most sincere apologies, your Highness. I forgot you had to have absolute silence to speak. My mistake!” Mal shot back at her, stomping into their dorm room. Evie shut the door carefully behind her and Mal spun around to face her.

  “Why are you acting like such a rotten little brat?” Evie asked with evident warning laced in her voice, and Mal could tell that Evie’s seemingly endless reserve of patience had nearly run out. But she didn’t care. She was in the middle of one of her angry rages and she was beyond the point of repair.

  “Maybe it’s because that’s the way I was raised? I dunno, why are you such a whiny, perfect little mouse?” Mal sarcastically responded.

  “You are not who you were raised to be! You are so much more than that, Mal! You’re better than that!” Evie shouted furiously, her eyes glinting with unshed tears as whatever was left of her patience completely dissipated under the stress of the argument.

  Mal’s jaw slackened a bit, the realization of her wrong feelings beginning to dawn upon her. This quarrel was hurting Evie and Mal started to feel the beginnings of horrible guilt. But just as the seeds of forgiveness were beginning to root, they were harshly upturned by her burning rage.

  This whole conversation was Evie’s fault, and Mal couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal that she belittled herself constantly. It went from Evie’s kind, caring concern to just plain annoying before Mal knew it. She just wouldn’t leave Mal alone. Constantly checking on her, worrying over her, and just being a terrible nuisance.

  It all started because of what Audrey had done to Mal the previous week. Since Evie had found all of the horrible, ugly messages she wrote for herself under the bleachers and heard Audrey’s insults and jabs, Evie was like some kind of a perpetually doting mother hen.

  “Since when do you have the right to tell me who I am or who I’m supposed to be? I’m a Villain Kid and it’s all I’ll ever be!” Mal brokenly exclaimed, her eyes burning with the flickering flame of her magic that was growing more and more excited with the rising of her temper.

  “Stop it, Mal!” Evie protested, her entire posture reflecting her emotional pain.

  “You don’t understand what it feels like to be constantly under pressure, Evie!” Mal retorted, her eyes glowing ever brighter.

  “Yes, I do!” Evie insisted, her voice growing just a bit hoarse from all of her yelling.

  “No, you don’t!

  “Mal, would you shut up and pay attention to what I’m saying?!” Evie demanded, her cheeks growing wet with the stream of tears that were flowing down them.

  But Mal was on the warpath, and she was determined to make Evie know what she felt- the stress of constantly needing to be perfect for Ben and the royal family, the disrespect she constantly endured from Audrey and others who hated her… The pain of not feeling good enough for Evie, Carlos, Jay, and all of Auradon.

  “No, you shut up!!!” Mal turned quickly, snatched her spell book and began to read a spell.

  “Walk a mile in my shoes, my responsibility now belongs to you! Understand it for at least a day, make all of this drama go away!” Mal yelled, her hands motioning.

  She gasped as she felt her chest seize agonizingly, and she watched with a blank stare as Evie’s expression morphed to one of heart-wrenching terror and Evie’s chest began to glow blue. Mal tore her gaze off of Evie and noticed the purple light emanating from her own.

  Mal’s eyes were forced shut before she could analyze the situation further. She felt an almost detached feeling, her mind going blank as she desperately fought to remember why she was currently so afraid.

  It was like floating. Everything was gone. No negative emotion, no fight, and absolutely no one but Mal. It seemed to be an eternal bliss of emptiness.

  And then, before she knew it, reality came figuratively crashing into her brain and she quite literally hit the floor. Hard.

  She sucked in several gasping, shaky breaths as her eyes shot open. Mal stared at the ceiling as her chest quaked violently with the aftershock of whatever spell she had cast. She simply laid there for a while and waited for her senses to return to her. That experience had left her quite discombobulated.

  “Mal?” Mal suddenly heard someone call. It was odd. She absently wondered if it was Evie. It surely couldn’t have been. The voice didn’t belong to Evie at all.

  “What in the…” Mal struggled to raise her head to see who it was but allowed it to fall back against the floor. She decided she’d call for Evie and see if her sister was alright. She knew that Evie wouldn’t want that stranger to see her if the bluenette was in anywhere near the state that Mal was.

  “Evie? Where are you?” Mal called out worriedly. She stopped quickly as she considered her voice. It was strangely sweet and calming to her somehow. It affected her in the same manner as Evie’s when Mal was afraid.

  “Mal, what happened to you?!” Suddenly, right in Mal’s face, a purple-haired girl appeared with a freaked-out expression.

  Mal stared at her very own visage for a few moments before she shook her head, chuckling lowly in a voice that was certainly not her own as she dredged her hand up to her face to rub at her eyes tiredly.

  “Wow, this hoodoo didn’t just make my voice wonky, it obviously distorted my vision and good sense, too. If this is a hallucination, just slap me now so I can snap out of it and wake up in the looney bin. Wait, on second thought, help me think of how I’m going to convince them of my sanity first. That way I can actually get free after my logical normal thinking is restored,” Mal told the Mal leaning over her.

  “Mal, I don’t know what your spell did, but it’s me, Evie!” the green-eyed girl declared. Mal raised an eyebrow as she moved her hand off of her face. However, just as she was going to speak, she looked at her hand and all of the breath was taken out of her.

  That wasn’t her hand. In fact, as she slowly rotated the appendage, she noticed it was actually Evie’s hand. It was easy to identify simply because of the blue polish adorning the beautiful nails.

  Mal shot up so that she was in a sitting position. She stared at the other girl.

  After a moment of stupidly gazing wide-eyed, the person before her that was apparently Evie rolled her eyes and huffed.  

  “How did this happen, Mal?!!!” Evie demanded and Mal’s eyes widened as she watched herself talk to her. This spell was quite possibly the strangest she had ever seen. And she had seen a lot of strange spells.

  “Well, I wanted you to understand how I felt. I didn’t know what would happen!” Mal defended, looking at her not-quite-so-pale hands as she was shaken from her stupor.

  “Fix us back!” Evie’s green eyes glowed brightly in the midst of her unchecked irritation and anger. Mal rolled her now-mocha orbs as she carefully got up off the floor.

  “Evie, if I knew how, I would,” she replied with a weary sigh. They shared a tense silence, each avoiding each other’s gazes. Mal looked around and absently noted that her spell book had flown under Evie’s latest dress.

  Before she could make a move to go and get it, Evie started whining and wailing.

  “Mal! Do you know what this means?! I can’t even wear my own clothes! I have to wear yours!” Evie cried. Mal recoiled, furrowing her brow and feeling her temper rise as she crossed her arms over her chest instinctively. She quickly removed her arms with a bit of a blush, and settled for placing her hands somewhere between her hips and waist in an awkward position.

  “And why are my clothes so bad?” Mal offendedly demanded, her eyes narrowed.

  “Because they’re your colors! Not mine!”

  “Evie, my colors are yours now because you are me,” Mal groaned, not understanding how in the world that Evie couldn’t have realized this simple fact.

  Evie was silent for a moment as she contemplated this. But, at some point, her eyes locked on Mal’s form and Evie began raking her eyes analytically over the body that Mal had now found herself in.

  Evie squinted and walked closer to Mal, circling her. Mal was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. It was almost like being sized up by her mother on the Isle before her mother launched into one of her hypercritical tirades.

  But this was Evie, she reminded herself. And Evie would never hurt her. Ever.

  “Y’know, I think I could really use you as a model. I could actually see what outfits look like on me before I put them on,” Evie smiled gleefully and Mal couldn’t help but notice how different Evie managed to make Mal’s face look.

   Evie gave her a youthful innocence and sweetness that Mal had never had. Mal had always been firmly assured that she forever inevitably appeared mischief-filled despite any attempts to look otherwise.

  She absently wondered if she ever looked genuine.

  “E, number one is I’m only modeling one or two dresses at most- if I do at all,” Evie looked a little disappointed, but was still primarily excited.

  “Number two: I need time to figure out how to reverse this or at least figure out how long it lasts.

  “And number three: if this does last for very long, what’re we going to do about Ben?” Mal reminded herself subtly about Doug, and she carefully attempted to maneuver around that sensitive topic. It was almost second nature to bring up Doug as Evie’s boyfriend.

  “Ben is always hanging on me. And I’ve got a date with him in just a few minutes! He’ll definitely notice something’s up with you. I mean me. Argh!” Mal struggled through her explanation, growing more and more frustrated with their confusing condition.

  “I don’t know… You think we should just tell him?” Evie suggested, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly, but Mal heard the gravity behind her statement.

  “No! I don’t want him knowing that I’m still using my magic!” Mal desperately explained, moving closer to Evie. She couldn’t help but be a little shocked when she realized that she herself was taller than Evie. Granted, it was temporary, but it was surely nice not to be so terribly shorter than everyone else.

  Evie looked down at her shoes, biting her lower lip. After only a second, her gaze shot back up to meet Mal’s.

  “Mal, do you think I’ll have to…. Kiss him?” Evie questioned, a disgusted look creeping onto her face as she winced.

  Mal’s eyes widened as she found herself caught between anger as well as jealousy at the idea and amusement at Evie’s own discomfort.

  “I’m not sure whether I’m going to slap you or laugh at you for that comment,” Mal told her, shaking her head with a slight grin.

  Evie chuckled in response, but her eyes widened as a perfect, Ben-sort of knock upon the door was suddenly heard.

  Evie rushed over and hid behind Mal, her now-smaller frame crouched behind the taller of the two. Mal could feel Evie’s blunt fingernails digging into her back.

  “Mal, what am I going to do when he comes in?” Evie frantically asked.

  “Act like me. But avoid kissing him as much as you can, and if you absolutely have to, kiss his cheek. It’ll be platonic to you and romantic to him. And call me Evie, E. The act won’t be kept up for long if you call me Mal,” Mal told her, moving forward to open the door.

  Behind the door was the most perfect-looking princely Ben that Mal had ever seen. He was wearing a black button-down shirt along with black dress pants and a silky blue tie hung from his neck. In his arms were a bundle of purple lilacs in a huge bouquet.

  But perhaps what topped it off was that cute, boyish grin spread across his face. It inevitably made Mal’s heart skip a beat, and her jaw slackened involuntarily with the overwhelming desire to kiss him.

  “Hey, Evie. Is Mal with you?” he asked Mal. She shook herself from her stupor, trying in vain to push down her feelings and play the part of Evie.

  “Um, yeah,” Mal lamely replied, stepping to the side to allow her gorgeous boyfriend entrance. He smiled gratefully at her and he moved in the doorway.

  Evie was trying the best she could to look busy, drawing something in Mal’s sketchbook. She looked up as soon as he came in as if startled from her intent work. Mal had to admit, Evie was a great actress.

  “Mal,” he waved playfully. Evie returned the wave as he offered the hulking bulk of flowers. She flashed a bedazzling grin that was definitely not a smile Mal had ever had on her face and she took the flowers gently.

  “Thank you, Ben,” Evie expressed, getting off the bed and hurrying over to her vanity in a very Evie-esque manner. Mal glanced at Ben and saw that he was slightly furrowing his brows, a bit of suspicion seeming to rise in his largely oblivious mind.

  There were two things wrong with this situation: Mal never in her life walked like that and Mal certainly never made herself at home at Evie’s vanity. The vanity was generally a warzone Mal wanted to avoid at all costs.

  Mal cleared her throat subtly, raising an eyebrow as she looked at the girl who was now comfortably seated at Evie’s vanity.

  Evie’s eyes went wide as she realized how strange she must look to Ben. She returned Mal’s gaze with fake confidence.

  “Evie, you don’t mind if I put these flowers on your vanity, do you?” Evie asked Mal. Mal suddenly came to the understanding that she was going to have to react like Evie would. She went over to Evie with a flourish, placing her hands on her shoulders and appreciatively sniffing at the flowers.

  “Oh, no, Mal, you know I don’t mind at all. Actually, they’d really spruce up my workspace,” Mal forced a benevolent, sweet smile on her face.

  “Cool. Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you, Ma- Evie,” Evie recovered quickly as she stood up, moving to Ben’s side and taking his hand in hers with slight hesitance. Mal chewed the inside of her cheek in a desperate attempt to suppress the jealous twinge.

  Ben lovingly looked down at the girl that he perceived to be Mal and looked up at the actual Mal with a smile.

  “See you later, Evie,” he told her, and the two walked out the door. Mal watched them intently as they left out the door, trying to avoid a groan at how Evie was unknowingly walking like herself instead of Mal.

  No, Mal never, ever walked with such a prissy, swaying gait. It was actually very humiliating to think that people would be seeing her- or her body, at least- doing such a dumb walk.

  Mal liked to think she had more swagger than that. Her walk was more of a confident, loose step. Not at all what Evie was doing. Ugh.

  Mal shut the door with undisguised disgust adorning her features. Rolling her eyes, she turned to fetch her spell book from underneath Evie’s dress-covered mannequin.

  She stooped down and grabbed it, shortly thereafter deciding that Evie’s heels that she was wearing had to go. Mal plopped down on her purple quilt, kicking off the ridiculously uncomfortable shoes as she settled in to find a possible solution to their huge problem.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      “Mal, you in there?” Ben lightly spun a lock of purple hair around his finger as Evie suddenly snapped to attention.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m here,” Evie replied, forcing a smile as they walked through the grass. He let go of her hair and she involuntarily let out a breath of relief.

  So far, he had tried to kiss her twice and she had avoided it both times by pretending not to notice and by drawing his attention to something else. Evie was embarrassed beyond belief. She always thought of Ben as a friend and it left her highly uncomfortable when he did things that were certainly not in the friend category.

  And the poor guy didn’t even know it.

  “What’re you thinking about?” Ben asked, tilting his head as he tightened his largely gentle grip around her waist. She forced herself to lean into him so that he wouldn’t suspect anything.

  “Nothing really,” Evie evaded with a smile, resting her head against his chest. It was so totally against what she wanted.

  She felt so out of place in this new body. However, she couldn’t say that was necessarily a bad thing- sans Ben’s sudden romantic placement in her life.

  Sure, Evie was now smaller than everyone else, and Mal’s nails, Evie had quickly noticed, were the victim of frequent biting. But the girly girl inside of her who so greatly desired to be a princess couldn’t help but feel absolutely giddy with all of the attention that she was receiving. Everyone turned their head as she went by, their gazes filled with reverent regard.

  Evie just couldn’t understand why Mal didn’t love it.

  But before she knew it, she was swarmed by reporters, cameras flashing and questions ablaze. Evie was shocked for only a moment before her face lit up in a show of her pure enthrallment.

  “Lady Mal, how are you feeling about the party coming up on the weekend?”

  “Lady Mal, is it true that you like to draw?”

  “Lady Mal, where did you get your dress?” At that question, Evie rose to the occasion, proudly gushing about her own dress.

  “I got this dress from my amazingly talented best friend Evie. She is quite possibly the best dress-maker I’ve ever known and she’s the only designer that I trust to make my dresses. I can always depend on her to create something unforgettably incredible,” Evie explained, her heart light with the pure enjoyment of it all.

  “Lady Mal, what about my question from earlier? How do you feel about the party this weekend?”

  “I’m super hyped, I must admit. The entire place is going to be absolutely glowing with hazy candlelight, the entire thing seeming like it has a soul, and it’ll almost have its own sort of heartbeat with all of the low, romantic music that’ll be playing. It’s going to be just absolutely mind-blowing,” Evie replied, completely forgoing any sort of act that would’ve even been slightly similar to how Mal would’ve reacted.

  “Wow, I never knew you were so poetic,” Ben suddenly lowly whispered in her ear. Evie’s head snapped toward him and she realized just how much she sounded like herself. She grinned and scanned her mind for a good way to respond.

  “I’ve been paying a lot of attention to my literature class. Some of that wordiness is rubbing off on me, y’know?” Evie quickly recovered. Ben eyed her appreciatively.

  “I like it. You should consider Auradon’s writing class. You’d probably really enjoy it.” Evie nodded her head noncommittally in response. She didn’t want to get Mal into something that the girl wasn’t going to be good at in the least.

  “We’ll respond to your other questions sometime later. Right now, we’ve got important business to attend to,” Ben announced, lacing his fingers in Evie’s as he guided them away. All of the reporters collectively protested, but several men working at the school ushered them away before they could make much of a move to stop Evie and Ben.

  “You handled yourself well back there,” Ben spoke, and Evie quickly detected a hint of surprise and amazement in his tone.

  Evie’s eyes widened a bit, but she looked up at him with a confident smile, secret wonderings of the implications of his emotions swirling in her head.

  “Don’t I always?” Evie questioned, an eyebrow raised.

  “Yeah, of course you do! It’s just that you’re normally a lot more uncomfortable and less willing to share so many details. It’s not a bad thing at all! It was a compliment,” Ben reassured her. Evie looked down at the ground as they walked, thinking about how Mal claimed she felt all the time.

  Mal was a very private person and she didn’t do well with socializing outside of her comfort zone.

  But it was nice having so many people think that she was important. Shouldn’t Mal feel the same way?

  She returned her gaze to Ben’s face and a cheerful grin graced his features as he looked ahead. Evie followed his stare and spotted the picnic that was laying on the grass.

  “Hey, we’re here,” Ben told her, smiling cutely as he looked down at her. Evie returned the smile, the corners of her lips quirking ever so slightly as she felt a deep pit of dread for what she was about to have to do.

  Evie followed him obediently as he led her over to the blanket on the ground. He released her gently and sat down carefully. Evie lowered herself in a ladylike fashion, but about halfway down she realized that she needed to do as Mal would.

  She forced a smile on her face as he offered her a strawberry. Evie took it and attempted to eat it like her best friend. Which entailed stuffing her face until her cheeks bulged out ridiculously huge.

  Ben chuckled and Evie resisted the urge to spit out the large bite into the nearby napkin. She didn’t hate strawberries or anything, it was just that she never ever under any circumstances allowed herself to eat like some kind of a pig.

  Well… Everything considered, Evie still didn’t see how Mal had a hard life. This was pretty nice. Even if she did have to eat strawberries practically whole.

  “So, Mal?” Evie focused her gaze on him after a moment, taking a little while to realize that she was being addressed.

  “Yeah?” Evie piped up, her response a bit delayed.

  “Are you okay? You haven’t been acting quite like yourself,” Ben worriedly questioned. Evie flashed him a grin and laughed a bit.

  “Oh, I’ve just been stressed, that’s all,” Evie told him, hoping it was a good enough excuse. Ben seemed to buy it, to her great relief, and they continued eating.

  But then someone swept in at the speed of light, requiring his attention and assistance with some matter of apparent importance.

  “I’m sorry, baby, I’ve got to go take care of this,” Ben apologized, swooping in and kissing her before she could avoid it. Evie allowed him to kiss her but refused to return any of the sentiment. He then rushed off to go and help with some royal issue.

  “We’ll continue this later!” he called over his shoulder as he hurried away.

  Evie waved, and once he was out of earshot, she sighed in relief. She got up quickly, staring in the direction that he disappeared in. After she was sure that he wasn’t coming back, Evie began subtly trying to escape, carefully hurrying away.

  Just as she reached the place where she had previously been held hostage by the reporters, Evie was assaulted once again. She froze as the cameras flashed and she gazed stupidly like a deer in the headlights.

 “Lady Mal, what is the status on your mother? Has she overcome her condition?” Evie widened her eyes. She knew Mal hated to talk about that more than anything. She had wordlessly moved her mother to their room and never ever acknowledged her unless she had to change her water or feed her. Any time Evie tried to bring up anything about her, Mal did her best to evade it.

 “Lady Mal, any secrets about King Ben that you can tell us?”

 “When are you two having kids?” Evie nearly choked on that one, inevitably imagining little angelic terrors running about. She swallowed hard, knowing that if that question were presented to Mal, it’d make her ridiculously upset.

  Evie knew that Mal loved Ben a lot, but Mal didn’t even want to sleep in the same room with him so far, preferring to stay with Evie until she felt like she had known Ben long enough to move forward in their relationship. It’d likely be a good six or seven years before she ever even remotely thought about moving into the same room with him, much less even begin to consider children.

  She was beginning to understand how these reporters could get very annoying very quickly.

  Evie smiled and waved as she stepped backwards and made a run for it. She heard yells of complaint and urgency behind her, but all she wanted to do was get back to Mal.

  It had been a stressful day.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      Mal browsed through her spell book, trying desperately to find where she had randomly flicked to in her moment of rage. She knew it was somewhere deeper in the book, where all of the more… changing spells existed.

  What was strangest to Mal was how she could have possibly found that spell when she had never even seen it before. It was almost as if her magic had control at that moment and knew precisely where to turn the page.

  Mal glared down at the many spells jammed onto one page. She had read so many different ones now that she felt like she might go cross-eyed.

  She felt a small strand of silky soft blue hair tickle her cheek and she brushed it away carefully. Unlike her own, it was not unruly and it went back into place just as she wanted it to. Mal couldn’t help but admire the color of it, too. It was beautiful, even if it wasn’t Mal’s favorite color on Evie.

  It naturally grew in that gorgeous shade of dark navy blue that Evie rarely decided to keep it as. She always tried different ways to lighten it, and Mal truly wished she wouldn’t. Mal would kill to have hair like that. No tangles, not so outstanding as frickin’ purple of all colors, and no split-ends.

  Mal contentedly took a bit of it and spun it around her finger, absent-mindedly drifting off from her studies of the book.

  “Evie?” A knock at the door was heard. Mal looked up, panicked, and she shoved the book near the edge of the bed underneath a pillow.

  She then hurried over to the door, opening it without hesitation, and saw that Princess Elaina, Queen Elsa’s daughter, was standing there, every bit as regal as her mother in stature.

  Mal raised an eyebrow, wordlessly questioning the purpose of the girl’s sudden interruption.

   “I’m sorry, am I disturbing you?” the girl timidly questioned. Mal’s eyes widened and she mustered one of those Evie-one-thousand-watt grins.

  “Not at all! Please come in!” Mal poorly imitated Evie’s ridiculous looking hurry walk thing that she did when she was trying to get somewhere without running but not at a carefree pace either as she sat down at Evie’s vanity.

  When she turned to look at the blonde, she saw that the girl appeared to be extremely nervous.

  “I am so very sorry for bothering you, but Hannah wanted me to ask you when you expected to be finished with her dress. I can go now, though, if it’s not a good time,” Elaina trailed off into a murmur as she looked like she was going to run out of the room with her tail tucked. Mal forced herself to remain patient and kind with the girl. After all, her reputation as a newly reformed VK was on the line if her and Evie’s switch was revealed.

  “Don’t worry about it in the least. You are perfectly fine. I’ll probably be done with Hannah’s dress in, umm…” Mal looked at the many cuttings of fabric that were lying on the desk and turned her gaze to the beginnings of a dress that was nearby the window. The truth was that she had absolutely no idea how long it’d take Evie to finish it and the bluenette, with her mysterious ways, sometimes finished and began dresses in one day and sometimes took a week to finish a dress.

  “Well, I can’t really say at the moment, but I can certainly tell you that I will have it done when Hannah needs it,” Mal reassured, feeling pretty self-assured in her abilities to schmooze these people. It did help that she had Evie’s naturally charismatic face and voice that just seemed to have that effect on people.

  “Oh, good… Hannah will be glad. She’s been driving me crazy,” Elaina awkwardly chuckled. Mal tilted her head curiously. “I keep telling her that you’ll definitely finish it before Monday.” Mal narrowed her eyes, thinking. Monday was two days away and Evie had barely finished the dress? That was surprising to say the least.

  Mal couldn’t help but feel a little flare of jealousy at the prospect of having so much time on one’s hands that one actually had time to procrastinate. Sure, she had persuaded Evie to go to bed at the same time as her on several occasions, but she always assumed it was because Evie worked hard, not because she procrastinated.

  “It’ll be done on time,” Mal replied. Elaina looked exceedingly relieved and she muttered several more apologies and farewells as she went out the door. Mal rolled her eyes, starting to raise up to go get her spell book.

  But she was quickly interrupted by another knock. Mal turned toward the door, still seated.

  “Hey, Evie! Do you think you could make me a dress for a date I have on Sunday? I know it’s short notice, but you’ve done it before, and it doesn’t have to be complicated,” Alicia, Princess Tiana’s daughter, entered calmly, spicy jazz music softly playing from her earbuds.

  “Sure?” Mal agreed hesitantly. She didn’t know whether to agree for Evie or not. Oh, well. The bluenette most likely didn’t have that much to do, and it might help her get her rear end in gear. After all, Sunday was tomorrow.

  “Thanks!” Alicia skipped out the door, humming to the music that was playing way too loudly in her ears.

  Mal started to get up once again, but was quickly interrupted by Melody, Princess Ariel’s daughter.

  “Hi, are you Evie? I’m new to Auradon, and I heard that you sell the best dresses… Could I get one as soon as you get a chance? I need it by Tuesday, but if you don’t have the time, just let me know,” Melody told her. Mal looked down at the vanity and quickly noticed a clipboard with a variety of names, numbers and dresses.

  She stopped for a moment and picked it up, taking a closer look at it. It had a list of Evie’s schedule that week, and Mal’s eyes nearly fell out of her head upon the sight that she beheld.

  Twenty-one dresses completed in one week. Mal was astonished. Evie really was covered in work to do. There was absolutely no room at all for anything besides dresses to be done, but she still managed to spend so much time with Mal- basically stalking her- and the boys, complete her schoolwork with A’s, and come out of it all with such great poise, never missing a beat.

  Mal looked back up at the black-haired girl standing nearby, her eyes widened in shock as she worked to comprehend what she just read. Evie was anything but lazy and a procrastinator, and she certainly knew what it felt like to be overwhelmed by things to do. Mal began to feel a swarm of guilt overcoming her. Why, oh, why did she say those things? Why did she act so selfish?

  “I can go somewhere else if that floats your boat, if you know what I mean, heh, heh,” Melody giggled, her tone reflecting her creeped-out feelings.

  Mal stared at her blankly.

  “Yeah… We’re booked, I’m afraid. Do come back, though, when there’s less spots filled up,” Mal muttered, returning her gaze to the clipboard once again.

  Melody responded with some sort of agreeance and she then left. Mal quickly darted forward, locking the door before anyone else could come in.

  With the vibrations from her heavy footsteps, the book slid off of the bed with a dull thunk.

  She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. Mal had to find the solution spell. She returned to the bed, and reached down for the book, grabbing it carefully.

  Just as Mal was about to flick through the book once again, the television suddenly came alive with a fresh new broadcast. Mal watched, her brow furrowed, as Evie stared at all of the cameras with a very Mal-sort-of expression.

  “Lady Mal, what is the status on your mother? Has she overcome her condition?” Mal raised an eyebrow, glancing over at her mother in the terrarium. Yeah… Definitely not overcoming the condition any time soon.

  “Lady Mal, any secrets about King Ben that you can tell us?” Mal furrowed her brow, feeling a little strange watching herself- or her body- react to all of these questions.

  However, the next question sent her mind reeling.

  “When are you two having kids?” Her jaw dropped and she turned the television off quickly before she could hear any more of their invasive questions.

  She had to find Evie so they could reverse this. And so she could apologize to her sister.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      Evie rushed through the halls, practically sprinting in an effort to get back to their dorm. She turned the corner quickly.

  It was a little too quickly, because before she could stop, she ran into someone full-force. Her and the other person fell to the floor, their bodies landing against the wood with a thunderous boom.

  “Ow,” the other person mumbled, and Evie struggled to get off of them as quickly as she could.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry! Here, let me help you,” Evie apologized, raising up and folding her legs underneath her as she attempted to assist the person she had so unceremoniously squished underneath her. Her eyes widened as green orbs met brown. It was Mal.

  She smiled widely and brought the other girl into a hug without hesitation. Mal returned the gesture, squeezing tightly. Evie couldn’t help but feel like she sunk into the embrace a little, but she supposed it was largely due to her new body size.

  “I’m so sorry, Evie. I shouldn’t have said the things I said. You do work hard and are obviously under stress all the time. I know that now,” Mal murmured, her voice so unlike herself that Evie had to think for a moment about who was speaking to her before responding.

  “I’m sorry, too, Mal,” Evie apologized, hugging her tightly. “I shouldn’t have been so pushy lately, and I should’ve understood that you need space and time to think about things. You can’t stop being a VK overnight.”

  “No, you have every right. You’re a great friend and an awesome sister because you do that,” Mal pulled away and smiled at her, a big grin on her face.

  “I love you, M,” Evie told her, and was only a little shocked when it fell out. She had never openly told Mal that before and she was a little worried how the other girl would take it.

  Of course, it was true. She loved Mal so much that it hurt. That was her sister, no matter what blood would indicate. From the way she scrunched her nose in disgust when Evie put on makeup for a date with Ben to the way that she fiercely protected the three of them the best she could- every piece of Mal was unique and wonderfully magnificent.

  Mal looked at Evie, disconcerted for a moment, before her face that was definitely not her own blossomed into a wide smile, her eyes emanating fondness.

  “I love you, too, Evie,” Mal then hugged Evie tightly once again. Evie breathed in deeply, reveling in the feeling of safety, warmth, and sisterly love.

  But before long, another feeling was added to the mix. She felt a little light-headed, and her chest was tingling with an unnatural warmth. But the entire time, she could still feel the comforting touch of her best friend.

  After a moment, it all stopped, and her eyelids fluttered open carefully. Evie looked down and saw a purple head of hair resting against her body. She raised her hand up, looking at it, and the most joyful feeling of recognition rose within her.

  It was her hand. Slender, perfectly manicured, and definitely not pale. Not that she had an issue with that, of course. It was just more Mal’s thing.

  The person wrapped in her arms raised up a bit, angling her head to look up at Evie.

  After a moment of staring at each other, they shared a relieved smile and Mal chuckled breathlessly, the outstandingly emerald eyes sparkling with happiness. Mal lowered her head back down and pressed her head against Evie’s neck, seeming to be content to just stay with her for as long as she could. And Evie was content to hold her there in her arms for as long as she could.

  They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity before the green-eyed girl finally spoke up.

  “You have no idea how glad I am to be me again,” Mal told her finally, giving her one last squeeze before releasing the taller girl. Evie laughed, nodding her head in agreement.

  “Yeah, I know the feeling,” Evie admitted. Mal rose up from the floor and offered her hand to Evie. The bluenette gladly took it and Mal pulled her up.

  “And- just thought I’d mention it- you need to learn how to walk cooler,” Mal critiqued, a mischievous look on her face.

  “Uh-huh, sure thing.”

  “Really, you were awful!” Mal insisted.

  “And just how do I walk, Miss Perfect?” Evie questioned, a teasing tone lacing her voice as she crossed her arms over her chest.

  “Well, you totally violated my body with this crap,” Mal replied, walking along in front of Evie while swaying her hips with ridiculously exaggerated movements. Evie rolled her eyes with a huff.

  “It’s definitely better looking than that. And what do you want me to do? Stomp around like you do?” Evie started walking with Mal, stepping widely and swinging her arms.

  They awkwardly made their way down the hall to the nearby dorm room, looking like complete morons as they both tried to imitate the other. The few people in the halls were actually beginning to stare.

  Mal strutted through the door first, accidentally crashing her swaying hips into the doorway. Evie’s eyes widened as she placed a hand over her mouth.

  “Ah-ah-ow!” Mal groaned, and Evie completely forwent all concern, collapsing into a puddle of giggles. Mal shot her a glare in the midst of her pain, and Evie tried to swallow the laughter at Mal’s expense.

  “I guess we should’ve known better than to act like each other. One would’ve thought we’d have learned our lesson about that today,” Evie told her, rolling her eyes as she shut the door behind them.

  Mal hobbled over to the bed and plopped down, grunting in agreeance with Evie’s statement. Evie followed her and laid down next to her with a sigh.

  Evie closed her eyes, enjoying the quiet and the wonderful feel of being back in her own body. She grinned when she felt Mal’s hand find her own.

  She opened her eyes and turned her head toward her sister. They met eyes and shared a smile as they both considered how great it was to be themselves again.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      Ben sat at his desk, working diligently on a new agreement that- hopefully- was going to permanently settle disputes among the sidekicks of all of the heroes. He shuddered to think of what mess would be created if Grumpy didn’t stop causing trouble and angering all of the others. Even though Pascal was just a little chameleon, he was still scary when he wanted to be.

  It was something about his tongue getting inside of one’s ear… Eww…

  Before Ben could get much further, however, the door on the other side of his study shut. He jerked a bit and looked up.

  To his great surprise and happiness, it was Mal rushing over toward him with the speed of a tempest.

  “Hey!” he grinned, raising up from his chair. Mal didn’t stop, however. She marched right up to his desk, grabbed his collar firmly, and yanked his lips to hers.

  It was ridiculously intense, and his eyes widened comically with shock. His eyelids fluttered shut quickly, and he returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm, touching her face gently with his hands.

  Just as soon as he started to really get into it, she pulled away, staring at him with such heat that he almost felt his knees go weak. She smirked, still gazing into his eyes as she turned and left out the door, shutting it behind her as she disappeared as quickly as she came.

   Ben stared dumbly after her for a while, still feeling the lingering effects of her presence as he tried to regroup. He swallowed hard, sitting back in his seat with a plop as a dumb smile made its way onto his face.

  He was more confused than Pascal in a bowl full of skittles.

[holding93]

We’ve had the good and the bad, now it’s time for the biggest questions that will be answered in 2018.

Will Tesla Get the Model 3 Sorted?

Production hell.  Elon Musk saw this coming.  In July last year he said himself that Tesla would go through – his words – “production hell” before the Model 3 would really ramp up volume.  I’m not entirely sure even he saw just how bad the hell would be.

Earlier this month Tesla delayed their targets for Model 3 volume production again.  They’re now only targeting 2,500 units per week by the end of March.  Just half of what Elon Musk was targeting in November and had earlier promised would be achieved by the end of 2017.  Quality is also a major issue.  Just watching the Doug DeMuro video you can see in the wide shots panels that don’t line up.  In a supposed premium product.  Sure Tesla is a startup learning to make cars but they can only survive this kind of build quality when the early adopters are prepared to overlook or be patient with such things to have the latest and greatest buzz product.  It will not wash with average Johnny Buying Public.

By Steve Jurvetson [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons/Tesla

In November, Reuters reported – from unnamed sources, as the ex-employees quoted were all required to sign NDAs on their departure – that Tesla’s routine quality checks on Model S and Model X products reveal defects on over 90 percent of vehicles produced.  Industry quality analyst J.D. Power has also called Tesla’s quality “not competitive” and lacking “precision and attention to detail.”  Of course Tesla’s marketing spin doctors were very quick to refute such claims.

I love how Tesla are inspiring people to love electric cars and some of the tech is very cool.  At the end of the day a Tesla is still a car though and as a car they still leave a lot to be desired.  Can they fix that this year?

Can the Ford Ranger Raptor be Any Good?

The Ford F150 Raptor was a revelation.  Replacing the unhinged Lightning with a high performance truck that didn’t really add any power over the standard F150 was a bold move for SVT.  It turned out to be a masterstroke.  The Baja inspired Raptor, with its Fox Racing Shocks and massive wheel travel was a totally different take on what a performance truck should be and it sold by the, ahem, truckload.

It’s a bit big for us though.

Enter the Ranger Raptor.  From an Australian perspective this is the ute that has been sorely lacking from our local landscape ever since the short lived HiLux TRD took the F150 Lightning route and mostly flopped.

Ford Motor Company today announced that the hugely popular Ford Ranger pickup truck will be available in an off-road performance variant for the first time. Arriving in Asia Pacific in 2018, the purpose-built, desert-racing inspired pickup truck joins the Ford Performance family, carrying the name ‘Ford Ranger Raptor’.

Ford Motor Company today announced that the hugely popular Ford Ranger pickup truck will be available in an off-road performance variant for the first time. Arriving in Asia Pacific in 2018, the purpose-built, desert-racing inspired pickup truck joins the Ford Performance family, carrying the name ‘Ford Ranger Raptor’.ÿÛ

Ford Motor Company today announced that the hugely popular Ford Ranger pickup truck will be available in an off-road performance variant for the first time. Arriving in Asia Pacific in 2018, the purpose-built, desert-racing inspired pickup truck joins the Ford Performance family, carrying the name ‘Ford Ranger Raptor’.ÿÛ

The Ranger Raptor should be different.  The marketing spin cycle has kicked off with very little additional information.  Ford could drop the EcoBoost V6 under the hood and make a performance ute for the ages. Unfortunately the scuttlebutt, backed up by the spec on the just announced US market Ranger, put the 2.3L EcoBoost four from the Mustang and Focus RS in the pointy end.  Circa 250kW is a great power number but I still fail to be convinced when moving a mass as large as the Ranger that any less than 3.0 liters is enough, downsized forced induction or not.  Especially with a petrol motor.

Ford has been on a total roll lately with their high performance products.  The recipe for this one looks like it could totally go either way.

Can Fernando Alonso Make Something of his Side Projects?

By this weekend the Daytona 24 hour will be in full swing and Fernando Alonso will be well and truly into the first of his side projects for 2018.  He’s made no secret that he believes the world championship record is well out of his grasp after some lean years with an under-performing McLaren outfit.  If anyone can pull off a modern-day triple crown though, he’d have to be your top pick.

By United Autosports [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Flickr/United Autosports [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Flickr

Daytona is merely a warm up.  Practice for someone who hasn’t done much endurance racing.  He hasn’t confirmed an attempt at LeMans yet.  Based on the landscape of this season, you’d have to think that deal is already done.  If there was ever a shot, ever a chance of stacking the deck to give yourself the best odds, this year is it.  Sure, the privateers will get engine performance equalised to the level of the manufacturer hybrids this year but the Toyotas will still be able to do an extra lap per stint on their fuel.  A massive advantage.  So if they stay reliable – and based on form that’s far from a given – then Alonso would be racing only one other car for the win.

The realignment of the WEC and the ‘super season’ for ’18-’19 includes two runnings of the 24 hours of LeMans.  So you’d have to think that there won’t be another LMP1 manufacturer competitor until 2020.  That leaves ‘Nando two years to get a win if he ingratiates himself with Toyota well enough this year.  Then he’s got plenty of time to work on the Indy 500.

Can the Honda Come Good in the Toro Rosso?

In 2017 Honda went very quiet.  The divorce with McLaren is clearly a bitter pill for the proud Japanese company.  But they quietly worked away.  Towards the end of the season, there were signs – not big ones – but some signs that they just might be starting to come good.  Reliability improved.  They weren’t the absolute slowest car down the massive straights at Abu Dhabi.

By Honda/ Morio (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Now they have a partnership with Red Bull B-team Toro Rosso.  According to Helmut Marko, “we’re working hard with Honda to make this a competitive package.”  There’s no way a Red Bull team wouldn’t do everything they can to make sure the Honda comes good.

The stakes are too high.

The rumors are that after all the acrimony from a couple of seasons ago, Renault have no interest in renewing their deal with Red Bull come 2019.  Then where do they go?  Christian Horner remains adamant that they have options.  But then nothing is set in stone for very long in Formula 1.

McLaren were very insistent on many things during their relationship with Honda including packaging which is widely reported to have hampered development on many fronts.  I can see Toro Rosso being more accommodating than the famously fastidious outfit from Woking.

Where Will Daniel Ricciardo End Up in 2019?

This will be the most interesting part of the driver market in 2018.  2017s driver negotiations were pretty straightforward, so the ever news hungry Formula 1 press has already moved on to the 2019 season.  Talk about getting ahead of themselves.

By Morio (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons

It is a bit interesting though.  Ricciardo is very highly regarded and both Ferrari and Mercedes have seats available.  Valtteri Bottas and Kimi Räikkönen are on single year contracts for ’18.  It seems the teams have set themselves up for a run at the Australian given it will be his first chance to negotiate his own contract after coming up through the Red Bull junior program.

Ricciardo has said himself that he won’t rush the decision.  Rightly so.  After all, winding up at the right team in 2019 might be the only shot he has at a world title.  There is going to be some serious intrigue around this one.

Nissan on their Last Legs?

I love Nissan.  As a fan, their return to Australian touring car racing has been hard to watch.  Nissan has poured millions of dollars into the Kelly Racing outfit and has very little to show for it.  Two race wins in 5 seasons.

You’d have to think the brass’ patience is running out.  Nissan is only committed to Supercars until the end of 2018, so decisions have to be made and soon.

Richard Emery, CEO of the local arm of Nissan since 2014 left during 2017 to be replaced by Canadian Stephen Lester.  Emery was a motorsport fan.  Lester seems to be very level headed about the program going forward, stating that “everything is on the table” and “we will do our due diligence and go through that process in a pragmatic way and not rush into that.”

By Nissan/ Kytabu (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Nissan Australia is also a glaring omission from the 2018 Bathurst 12 Hour event, despite owning their own GT-R GT3 machine that has been used almost exclusively at the event.  Possibly a bad omen for the Supercars program?  After all, the GT-R has generally gone very well at Bathurst.

2019 would require significant additional investment.  The Altima is no longer sold here, so another body style would be required.  Not easy for a company that is now focusing on SUV products.  One would have to think Nissan and Nismo in Japan are one of the best placed manufacturers to adapt a turbo V6 to the new rules with the GT-R GT3 engine available.  However Supercars has its own unique rules and the engine would require significant development work to ensure it was competitive.

Nissan need to significantly improve their on track performance in the early part of this year or the decisions might just be very, very easy.

We've done the good and the bad of 2018. Now for the big questions. #h93 We've had the good and the bad, now it's time for the biggest questions that will be answered in 2018.

[flauntpage]

The Islanders are on Thin Ice Without John Tavares Extension

There really isn't all that much riding on the next six months for the New York Islanders—only where the franchise and its best player will call home next year and beyond. Coming off a playoff-less season that began with high expectations, first-time full-time coach Doug Weight could be seen sitting arms folded and foot stomping outside a farm-to-table beet salad eatery across from Barclays Center.

"Is there any more shit we can pile on to the outcome of this season?"

Make no mistake about it, John Tavares still without a contract for next season is basically an open rebellion. In any other sport, a star player unsigned a year from free agency would barely register as news; in hockey, a sport where players are so desperate to be seen as team guys that they'll leave $1 million on the table when signing a new deal, it might as well be a football player walking into training camp, dropping his contract on the field, and taking a 73-second piss on it.

All of this sport's best players routinely get the next contract ironed out before the current one expires; when they don't—like Steven Stamkos in Tampa Bay, for example—they are at the very least looking longingly at the waters they want to test, if not imagining splashing around in them. Maybe Tavares pulls a Stamkos and re-signs if he doesn't like what he sees in free agency but considering the current state of the Islanders, it should be a concern for fans and management that don't want to see their team revert to a pile of crap or move very far away.

The future of the Islanders is about as unclear as the view from most of the seats in Barclays Center, an arena that draws more Joel Osteen fans than Islanders fans. The move from Long Island to Brooklyn, while amazing for those of us that well up with tears of joy at the thought of taking a subway to sporting events, hasn't worked out. Barclays is a great building but it's bad for hockey and they want to kick out the Islanders, who probably aren't all that sad about the possibility.

That leaves the Islanders and Tavares in limbo, because while the sensible solution is to move the Islanders back to Nassau Coliseum or on any parcel of land on Long Island that will take them, you just never know with the NHL, and Tavares is probably aware of this. He loves the area—another reason to be worried because if anyone would immediately sign an extension to stay somewhere, it's Tavares and Long Island—and the last thing he wants is to sign an eight-year deal and have to play it out in Quebec or Seattle.

So let's say the Islanders are utter dogshit this season. They're looking up at Vegas in the standings. Doug Weight can't get the dry erase markers to work. Josh Ho-Sang oversleeps for a dozen games. Jaroslav Halak and Thomas Greiss can't make a save. The team is drawing 9,000 a night and there still isn't a new arena deal in place. And all the while, Tavares is his usual brilliant self, watching everything go to hell and pretending he's happy after every practice and loss like the dog in the "This Is Fine" meme.

Tavares would be a fool to do anything other than sample what's on the open market. He has been as loyal as anyone to a mismanaged franchise that has done nothing to deserve that loyalty. Garth Snow has wasted the first eight years of Tavares' career so why should the two-time Hart Trophy finalist allow him to waste the next eight years? You couldn't begrudge a guy who had to lug around P.A. Parenteau and Matt Moulson for years for leaving after a ninth failure of a season.

But Tavares is a reasonable guy who doesn't crave the spotlight of a place like, say, Toronto—he wants to stay. He just needs a reason. He's Lady Gaga. He doesn't want to pack his life and move somewhere unfamiliar; if there's a land deal in place at Belmont Park and the Islanders are nestled into second place in the Metro with 30 games to play, Tavares would be happy to sign a new deal. The team sucking butt, though, even if there's a new local arena coming, may be his breaking point.

When you are contemplating the options. Photo by Sergei Belski-USA TODAY Sports

And if you don't think the Islanders moving to Seattle or Quebec or anywhere far away from New York isn't at least a faint possibility, what league have you been watching all these years? The NHL will absolutely stick a knife through your heart and relocate this team if it means a few more dollars for everyone. This is a league that a few weeks ago waved around a letter from the fucking Pope about inclusiveness, then stood and watched one of its marquee teams accept an invitation to the White House from a President who thinks there are good Nazis and is taunting Puerto Rico on Twitter for being in debt. Don't trust anything Gary Bettman tells you about teams relocating—ask Atlanta Thrashers fans about that.

Yes, there were Atlanta Thrashers fans. Don't be a dick.

The Islanders have a roster capable of reaching the playoffs (although Bovada believes a miss is more likely than a make) but the pressure on this team is unlike anything seen in the NHL in a long time. If ownership can't lock down new land for a new arena, Tavares may be gone. If the team sucks, Tavares may be gone. If the team is good and there's nothing final on an arena deal, then what does Tavares do? Hell, what if another first-round exit doesn't satisfy Tavares? If the Islanders draw jack shit again because they're bad, do they say "fuck it" and become the Quebec Nordiques Part Deux?

I don't know, I'm genuinely asking.

If Tavares leaves, you may as well root for relocation because no one wants to see this team even when it has one of the game's best players and is competitive, and nobody will want to see a 68-point team led by the decaying husk of Andrew Ladd take the ice, either.

Islanders fans that have endured registering just one playoff series victory over the past 25 years have routinely asked themselves, "Is there any way this can get any worse?"

Great news! It might!

The Islanders are on Thin Ice Without John Tavares Extension published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[amtushinfosolutionspage]

The Islanders are on Thin Ice Without John Tavares Extension

There really isn’t all that much riding on the next six months for the New York Islanders—only where the franchise and its best player will call home next year and beyond. Coming off a playoff-less season that began with high expectations, first-time full-time coach Doug Weight could be seen sitting arms folded and foot stomping outside a farm-to-table beet salad eatery across from Barclays Center.

“Is there any more shit we can pile on to the outcome of this season?”

Make no mistake about it, John Tavares still without a contract for next season is basically an open rebellion. In any other sport, a star player unsigned a year from free agency would barely register as news; in hockey, a sport where players are so desperate to be seen as team guys that they’ll leave $1 million on the table when signing a new deal, it might as well be a football player walking into training camp, dropping his contract on the field, and taking a 73-second piss on it.

All of this sport’s best players routinely get the next contract ironed out before the current one expires; when they don’t—like Steven Stamkos in Tampa Bay, for example—they are at the very least looking longingly at the waters they want to test, if not imagining splashing around in them. Maybe Tavares pulls a Stamkos and re-signs if he doesn’t like what he sees in free agency but considering the current state of the Islanders, it should be a concern for fans and management that don’t want to see their team revert to a pile of crap or move very far away.

The future of the Islanders is about as unclear as the view from most of the seats in Barclays Center, an arena that draws more Joel Osteen fans than Islanders fans. The move from Long Island to Brooklyn, while amazing for those of us that well up with tears of joy at the thought of taking a subway to sporting events, hasn’t worked out. Barclays is a great building but it’s bad for hockey and they want to kick out the Islanders, who probably aren’t all that sad about the possibility.

That leaves the Islanders and Tavares in limbo, because while the sensible solution is to move the Islanders back to Nassau Coliseum or on any parcel of land on Long Island that will take them, you just never know with the NHL, and Tavares is probably aware of this. He loves the area—another reason to be worried because if anyone would immediately sign an extension to stay somewhere, it’s Tavares and Long Island—and the last thing he wants is to sign an eight-year deal and have to play it out in Quebec or Seattle.

So let’s say the Islanders are utter dogshit this season. They’re looking up at Vegas in the standings. Doug Weight can’t get the dry erase markers to work. Josh Ho-Sang oversleeps for a dozen games. Jaroslav Halak and Thomas Greiss can’t make a save. The team is drawing 9,000 a night and there still isn’t a new arena deal in place. And all the while, Tavares is his usual brilliant self, watching everything go to hell and pretending he’s happy after every practice and loss like the dog in the “This Is Fine” meme.

Tavares would be a fool to do anything other than sample what’s on the open market. He has been as loyal as anyone to a mismanaged franchise that has done nothing to deserve that loyalty. Garth Snow has wasted the first eight years of Tavares’ career so why should the two-time Hart Trophy finalist allow him to waste the next eight years? You couldn’t begrudge a guy who had to lug around P.A. Parenteau and Matt Moulson for years for leaving after a ninth failure of a season.

But Tavares is a reasonable guy who doesn’t crave the spotlight of a place like, say, Toronto—he wants to stay. He just needs a reason. He’s Lady Gaga. He doesn’t want to pack his life and move somewhere unfamiliar; if there’s a land deal in place at Belmont Park and the Islanders are nestled into second place in the Metro with 30 games to play, Tavares would be happy to sign a new deal. The team sucking butt, though, even if there’s a new local arena coming, may be his breaking point.

When you are contemplating the options. Photo by Sergei Belski-USA TODAY Sports

And if you don’t think the Islanders moving to Seattle or Quebec or anywhere far away from New York isn’t at least a faint possibility, what league have you been watching all these years? The NHL will absolutely stick a knife through your heart and relocate this team if it means a few more dollars for everyone. This is a league that a few weeks ago waved around a letter from the fucking Pope about inclusiveness, then stood and watched one of its marquee teams accept an invitation to the White House from a President who thinks there are good Nazis and is taunting Puerto Rico on Twitter for being in debt. Don’t trust anything Gary Bettman tells you about teams relocating—ask Atlanta Thrashers fans about that.

Yes, there were Atlanta Thrashers fans. Don’t be a dick.

The Islanders have a roster capable of reaching the playoffs (although Bovada believes a miss is more likely than a make) but the pressure on this team is unlike anything seen in the NHL in a long time. If ownership can’t lock down new land for a new arena, Tavares may be gone. If the team sucks, Tavares may be gone. If the team is good and there’s nothing final on an arena deal, then what does Tavares do? Hell, what if another first-round exit doesn’t satisfy Tavares? If the Islanders draw jack shit again because they’re bad, do they say “fuck it” and become the Quebec Nordiques Part Deux?

I don’t know, I’m genuinely asking.

If Tavares leaves, you may as well root for relocation because no one wants to see this team even when it has one of the game’s best players and is competitive, and nobody will want to see a 68-point team led by the decaying husk of Andrew Ladd take the ice, either.

Islanders fans that have endured registering just one playoff series victory over the past 25 years have routinely asked themselves, “Is there any way this can get any worse?”

Great news! It might!

The Islanders are on Thin Ice Without John Tavares Extension syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

[junker-town]

‘Hard Knocks’ recap: Did you get a hot dog?

In the season’s second episode, Jameis Winston displays his leadership, Gerald McCoy talks at length about Batman, and Miko Grimes has everyone’s attention except her husband’s.

Recaps that simply regurgitate an episode’s chronology are for children. THIS IS THE PROS, BABY. Here are the six biggest takeaways from the second episode of this season’s “Hard Knocks.”

1 - Jameis Winston owns the locker room

Despite his checkered history in media reports, it’s easy to see why Winston is beloved by teammates; he projects an easy and magnetic leadership in every scene. Before the Bucs’ first preseason game, Winston goes to each of his teammates in the locker room and tells him, “I got your back.” It sounds small on the page, but his passion was apparent as he said it again and again and again.

He brought that warmth and enthusiasm throughout the episode, but the cutthroat business of football is clear to him. In the quarterbacks room, Winston gently broke a hard reality to undrafted rookie free agent Sefo Liufau (below), who displayed naïveté about when players could be cut. Winston: “You can get cut any time. They don’t care.”

Unrelated soccer fashion take: the Sounders’ Pacific Blue jersey would be the best in MLS if they didn’t mess with the color of their crest.

Later, backup quarterback Ryan Griffin took a hard hit from a Cincinnati defender and left the game with a shoulder injury. Winston walked over to some offensive linemen, leaned in, and calmly told them “I’m happy y’all are having fun, but Ryan just hurt his shoulder.” He started to walk away. “But keep having fun.”

The picture of Winston, through two episodes, is of a quarterback quick to laugh, willing to admit his mistakes, and dedicated to something he takes seriously. As a viewer who entered the series critical of Winston’s past, I definitely feel like a sucker for buying into what I’ve seen. On the other hand, it’s a testament to how well the show is made.

2 - Miko Grimes makes terrific TV

Miko Grimes is smart, outspoken, profane, and clearly dedicated to her husband, cornerback Brent Grimes. (If you haven’t read Jack Dickey’s profile of the couple for Sports Illustrated, I recommend it.) It’s easy to see why her personality could be off-putting to NFL front offices or fans, but for a league that attempts to tamp down anything resembling a personality, I find her candor refreshing.

And while I don’t doubt the love that she and Brent share, I do suspect that — like many other spouses throughout world history — Brent occasionally tunes his partner out. Here he is at the beginning of a Miko monologue (Mikologue?), 16 minutes and 6 seconds into the episode:

The camera cuts to some game action of Brent, then back to the couple, where Brent is still staring a thousand yards away, then to more action, then back to Miko talking and Brent is farther away from Earth than any human has traveled. He is hurtling through space with Pioneer 9.

Miko talks about how she always gets a hotel room in the same hotel as the Bucs when they travel. She talks about how sex with him is part of that routine, and when she says “hanky-panky” nothing in his eyes brightens or shows any recognition that he was ever human.

The screencap above is from 16 minutes and 32 seconds into the episode, just before he escapes the Sunken Place. So for TWENTY-SIX SECONDS, Brent’s brain checked out, went to the grocery store, and came back with a gallon of milk. And I’m happy to give any married person the benefit of the doubt when it comes to listening to every word your partner says, but this was for a sit-down, on-camera interview.

The Starry Night. The Godfather. Kind of Blue. There aren’t many perfect works of art in the world, but those 26 seconds of “Hard Knocks” are right up there.

3 - Gerald McCoy is a superstar

.@Geraldini93 is too much #HardKnocks http://pic.twitter.com/gfg0adVOMt

— NFL (@NFL) August 16, 2017

Every scene Gerald McCoy touches turns to gold. He wears socks bearing the likenesses of pro wrestlers. He wears Incredible Hulk cleats. When Ed Hochuli comes to Bucs camp to clarify the rule changes to celebrations, McCoy breaks down the intricacies of what is and is not sexual. There is an entire montage dedicated to his excellence on the field. He hilariously riffs on the customer service at Chik-Fil-A. He has a superhero-themed man cave that depicts him as Football Batman.

Pictured: a $10,000 fine for breaking uniform regulations

McCoy already has the accolades: five Pro Bowls, three first-team All-Pro selections. But he deserves ad campaigns and the adoration of casual fans. This recap is conflicted on Jameis Winston but an unapologetic cheerleader for Gerald McCoy.

4 - Farewell, sweet Berto

Last year, the Buccaneers made one of the stupidest moves in NFL Draft history, trading up to draft kicker Roberto Aguayo in the second round. As Kevin Seifert of ESPN pointed out, most of the best kickers in NFL history have gone undrafted, and the difference between the best kicker and the 15th-best kicker in any given year is half a point per game. We can and absolutely should clown GM Jason Licht about this forever: it displays a spectacular misunderstanding of kickers’ value and the variance that can sink them on a year-to-year basis.

*possibly not a real quote

Anyway, Aguayo went from the most accurate kicker in college football history to the worst kicker in the NFL, and Licht and coach Dirk Koetter cut him. And there isn’t much to say about this scene except I hid my head inside my shirt and wanted it to be over. It was an event horizon of discomfort, stretching out into forever like a Brent Grimes stare.

5 - The rookies and fringe players seem pretty safe

Like all teams, the Bucs will have to trim their roster from 90 players to 53. But I’m not sure how many firings -- like Aguayo’s -- we’ll have to endure. Previous seasons of Hard Knocks seemed especially targeted to build the audience’s connection with fringe players, only to break our hearts when they inevitably got cut. This season’s crop, by comparison, feels further from the chopping block.

Third-string linebacker Riley “Joe Dirt” Bullough is way down the depth chart, but his fire and leadership may help him stick as a special teamer. Running back Jeremy McNichols is guaranteed nothing as a 5th-rounder, but his skill set mimics Doug Martin’s; he seems useful. Veteran corner Robert McClain looked more likely to make the team after playing well following Brent Grimes’ leg laceration. Look, Miko took a picture!

still not as painful as Aguayo’s cut

Thanks, Miko. Show it to more children next time.

6 - DeSean Jackson has bad sports takes

Mike Evans and DeSean Jackson remain Adorable Receiver Buds, but their discussion on where Kobe Bryant stands among NBA greats ... WOOF. Evans generously ranked Bryant the fourth-best player of all time, behind LeBron James at two. Jackson, playing on his third NFL team, countered that he didn’t like how LeBron “had to leave” in order to win his championships.

COME ON, Y’ALL. If you don’t support the labor side, you’re never gonna get guaranteed contracts.

MONTAGE RANKING, WEEK 2

Gerald McCoy kicking ass montage -- Made even better by the offensive players consoling each other about getting dominated.

Practice montage No. 1 (heat and humidity) -- A pre-opening credits montage! A bold editorial move (don’t wanna blow your montage load too early), but it hooked me.

Practice montage No. 2 — No real theme of this, except to cleanse the viewer’s football palate after an extended kicking battle scene.

Defensive failure montage — Mike Smith’s reactions to the Bengals’ domination of the Bucs’ backup defense upped the comedy significantly.

Quarterbacks sucking until Jameis inspires them montage

Cryogenic recovery montage — Low-energy and lacked context. Needed a team doctor to tell us about the benefits. It’s not like Joe Football Fan has a cryo-chamber he uses at the local Planet Fitness.

Part Shot: Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Secret of Halftime Hot Dogs

(Google “Mark Sanchez hot dog” if you need to)

Great, now I want a hot dog.

[flauntpage]

The Islanders are on Thin Ice Without John Tavares Extension

There really isn't all that much riding on the next six months for the New York Islanders—only where the franchise and its best player will call home next year and beyond. Coming off a playoff-less season that began with high expectations, first-time full-time coach Doug Weight could be seen sitting arms folded and foot stomping outside a farm-to-table beet salad eatery across from Barclays Center.

"Is there any more shit we can pile on to the outcome of this season?"

Make no mistake about it, John Tavares still without a contract for next season is basically an open rebellion. In any other sport, a star player unsigned a year from free agency would barely register as news; in hockey, a sport where players are so desperate to be seen as team guys that they'll leave $1 million on the table when signing a new deal, it might as well be a football player walking into training camp, dropping his contract on the field, and taking a 73-second piss on it.

All of this sport's best players routinely get the next contract ironed out before the current one expires; when they don't—like Steven Stamkos in Tampa Bay, for example—they are at the very least looking longingly at the waters they want to test, if not imagining splashing around in them. Maybe Tavares pulls a Stamkos and re-signs if he doesn't like what he sees in free agency but considering the current state of the Islanders, it should be a concern for fans and management that don't want to see their team revert to a pile of crap or move very far away.

The future of the Islanders is about as unclear as the view from most of the seats in Barclays Center, an arena that draws more Joel Osteen fans than Islanders fans. The move from Long Island to Brooklyn, while amazing for those of us that well up with tears of joy at the thought of taking a subway to sporting events, hasn't worked out. Barclays is a great building but it's bad for hockey and they want to kick out the Islanders, who probably aren't all that sad about the possibility.

That leaves the Islanders and Tavares in limbo, because while the sensible solution is to move the Islanders back to Nassau Coliseum or on any parcel of land on Long Island that will take them, you just never know with the NHL, and Tavares is probably aware of this. He loves the area—another reason to be worried because if anyone would immediately sign an extension to stay somewhere, it's Tavares and Long Island—and the last thing he wants is to sign an eight-year deal and have to play it out in Quebec or Seattle.

So let's say the Islanders are utter dogshit this season. They're looking up at Vegas in the standings. Doug Weight can't get the dry erase markers to work. Josh Ho-Sang oversleeps for a dozen games. Jaroslav Halak and Thomas Greiss can't make a save. The team is drawing 9,000 a night and there still isn't a new arena deal in place. And all the while, Tavares is his usual brilliant self, watching everything go to hell and pretending he's happy after every practice and loss like the dog in the "This Is Fine" meme.

Tavares would be a fool to do anything other than sample what's on the open market. He has been as loyal as anyone to a mismanaged franchise that has done nothing to deserve that loyalty. Garth Snow has wasted the first eight years of Tavares' career so why should the two-time Hart Trophy finalist allow him to waste the next eight years? You couldn't begrudge a guy who had to lug around P.A. Parenteau and Matt Moulson for years for leaving after a ninth failure of a season.

But Tavares is a reasonable guy who doesn't crave the spotlight of a place like, say, Toronto—he wants to stay. He just needs a reason. He's Lady Gaga. He doesn't want to pack his life and move somewhere unfamiliar; if there's a land deal in place at Belmont Park and the Islanders are nestled into second place in the Metro with 30 games to play, Tavares would be happy to sign a new deal. The team sucking butt, though, even if there's a new local arena coming, may be his breaking point.

When you are contemplating the options. Photo by Sergei Belski-USA TODAY Sports

And if you don't think the Islanders moving to Seattle or Quebec or anywhere far away from New York isn't at least a faint possibility, what league have you been watching all these years? The NHL will absolutely stick a knife through your heart and relocate this team if it means a few more dollars for everyone. This is a league that a few weeks ago waved around a letter from the fucking Pope about inclusiveness, then stood and watched one of its marquee teams accept an invitation to the White House from a President who thinks there are good Nazis and is taunting Puerto Rico on Twitter for being in debt. Don't trust anything Gary Bettman tells you about teams relocating—ask Atlanta Thrashers fans about that.

Yes, there were Atlanta Thrashers fans. Don't be a dick.

The Islanders have a roster capable of reaching the playoffs (although Bovada believes a miss is more likely than a make) but the pressure on this team is unlike anything seen in the NHL in a long time. If ownership can't lock down new land for a new arena, Tavares may be gone. If the team sucks, Tavares may be gone. If the team is good and there's nothing final on an arena deal, then what does Tavares do? Hell, what if another first-round exit doesn't satisfy Tavares? If the Islanders draw jack shit again because they're bad, do they say "fuck it" and become the Quebec Nordiques Part Deux?

I don't know, I'm genuinely asking.

If Tavares leaves, you may as well root for relocation because no one wants to see this team even when it has one of the game's best players and is competitive, and nobody will want to see a 68-point team led by the decaying husk of Andrew Ladd take the ice, either.

Islanders fans that have endured registering just one playoff series victory over the past 25 years have routinely asked themselves, "Is there any way this can get any worse?"

Great news! It might!

The Islanders are on Thin Ice Without John Tavares Extension published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv