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lemoncrushh · 3 months

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Wild Horses - Nine

Summary: Amber Crosby didn’t end up with the life she’d expected, but that didn’t keep her from following her dream. A young, up and coming country recording artist, she and her band set out to do just that. Trying to leave her past behind, it wasn’t until meeting Harry Styles that she realized just how her life could take a turn and alter her future forever.

A/N: Please note all portions in italics are meant to be flashbacks :).

STORY PAGE

Chapter Nine Word Count: 5.2k+

“Don’t let me start wishin’ I was with him now…” - Julie Roberts; Break Down Here

“Amber. Guys. This is Malcolm Goodwin,” Jeff gestured to the tall man next to him who immediately offered his hand.

“Please, call me Mally,” he smiled. “Or just Mal is fine, too.”

“Hi…” Amber began before clearing her throat. “How do you do?”

“Very well, thanks,” he replied with a wink as they shook hands before moving on to shake Brendan and Johnny’s. Feeling awkward as it was, Amber blushed as she wiped her damp hand on the hip of her jeans, hoping Malcolm hadn’t noticed.

“Mally here is both a session drummer and a touring drummer. He’s played with everyone from Gavin DeGraw to Sheryl Crow to Kenny Loggins to...who else?” Jeff laughed.

“Uh...Maddie and Tae. Darius Rucker. Alicia Keys. Keith Urban...” Mally added.

“Wow,” Amber mouthed, astonished.

“Oh yeah, man, I think I saw you with Urban a few years ago. Were you playing with him in...2013? 2014?” asked Johnny.

Mally gave a wide grin as he puffed his chest with pride. “That was me.”

“Aw man. Guys,” Johnny turned to his bandmates. “This dude’s phenomenal.”

Mally and Jeff both chuckled as they eyed each other.

“Well, I’m a bit modest,” the drummer commented. “But I appreciate the compliment.”

“Well…” Amber muttered, “I’m...impressed to say the least.”

“As you should be,” confirmed Jeffrey as he gave Mally a pat on the back. “But most importantly, he’s so generously agreed to save our asses, to put it bluntly.”

Amber bit her lip as she tucked her fingers inside her pockets.

“I’ve heard all your songs,” Mally further explained. “I don’t think it’s going to be any problem getting up to speed for tonight.”

“Tonight,” Amber echoed, her voice coming from her lips quiet while the one inside her head was screaming.

Since leaving Pittsburgh early that morning, her mind had been in a whirlwind. She’d known there was a show that night in Cleveland, and she’d very much been aware that she was one band member short. But only just now had the truth really started to shine its light.

“Guys, Mal is here to help you out for now. It’s temporary to start with, okay? You can...try him out for size so to speak. If things don’t work out...no hard feelings. We’ll just find someone else. Alright?”

“Dude, I’m in,” Brendan lifted his hand which Mally instantly gave a high five.

“Same here,” echoed Johnny, joining in on the bro slaps.

The room fell silent as the men all stared at Amber. Suddenly she was back in fifth grade in the school spelling bee, all eyes upon her as she willed her brain to come up with the correct order of letters.

“Amber,” Jeffrey looked at her with raised brows, arms out and palms up. “This is your band. It’s your call.”

Biting her lip again, her head slowly began to move until she gave an enthusiastic nod. “Yes. Okay. Let’s give it a shot.”

The sound of clapping hands and whistles erupted from the front row. Harry caught the tiny grin on Amber’s face as she held the microphone, having just done a complete run-through with her band and new sit-in drummer.

“Well done, Jeffrey,” Harry elbowed his manager.

Jeff merely nodded as he continued to clap. When Amber replaced her microphone in its stand, she turned to face the drums, her back to her small but enthusiastic audience.

“I’m so happy for her,” remarked Sarah who sat to Harry’s left. “Mally’s a legend. He’ll definitely add something to the band. I mean...I think it’s safe to say, they already sound better?”

Harry nodded in agreement, a slight smirk twitching his lips. He knew what Sarah meant. She was a legendary drummer herself, as far as he was concerned. But he reckoned she wasn’t only referring to Mally’s abilities.

Harry watched the band disperse from the stage, Amber choosing to take the stairs down.

“That was wonderful!” exclaimed Clare, rising to meet her with a hug.

“Thanks,” Amber grinned shyly. “It was pretty great, wasn’t it?”

The rest of Harry’s band along with Jeffrey circled around her, giving their support and praise, adding more as Brendan and Johnny came to join them. When Mally made the group complete, everyone resumed their cheers.

“Ah, thanks guys,” he smiled modestly, his hand on his chest.

“Welcome to the tour,” Harry greeted, slipping between Amber and Clare with an extended hand. “It’s gonna sound amazing tonight.”

“Thanks, Harry,” said Mally with a firm handshake. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Who’s up for some grub?” proposed Brendan. “I’m starving!”

The group laughed as several made plans to grab a bite, the others taking off for a nap or whatever other things the afternoon had in store. When Harry noticed Amber had stayed behind, he couldn’t help but feel a little hopeful, though he was unsure exactly why. Turning to grab his hoodie from the chair, he heard her sweet, silvery voice speak one single word.

“Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” he smiled. “You’re not going?”

“To eat? Nah. Sleep sounds better.”

Harry chuckled. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

Amber shrugged. “Maybe a couple hours.”

Slipping his hoodie over his head, Harry gestured toward the exit. Amber followed alongside him.

“I need to give you your other one back,” he heard her say as he pushed open the door.

“My other what?” he asked.

“Your hoodie,” she pointed to his chest which displayed his motto.

“Oh. No,” Harry grinned. “That one’s yours.”

“Oh,” Amber mouthed as she slid past him into the sunshine. “If I’d known that, I would have slept in it. Hmm...think I might just do that.”

Spotting the awaiting car, Harry gently placed his hand on the small of her back until she slipped into the back seat. Then sliding in beside her, he nodded at the driver.

“Thanks for last night,” he heard her voice break the silence a few minutes into the drive.

“Don’t mention it, love.”

Harry listened to the sound of her breathing as he reached his hand across the seat to take hers. Giving it a squeeze, he leant his head back against the headrest. Shutting his eyes, his lips curled as he felt her squeeze back.

After the incident with Carter, and he’d reassured her he was gone, Harry had stayed in Amber’s room for another hour or two. Wiping her tears, he knew she was in for a long ride, though he’d hoped last night was the worst of it.

He’d nearly fallen asleep on her bed as he’d held her, waiting for her jagged breaths to even out. When they had, and he'd watched her drift into a deep slumber, he’d felt a certain calmness, much like he felt now beside her in the car.

He hated that he’d left her alone before she’d awakened, and part of him wanted to tell her as much, but it wasn’t because he’d wanted to leave. He’d had things of his own to settle before packing up for the road, and soon enough, it was time for her to leave as well.

Entering the back way through the hotel as they had quickly grown accustomed, Harry rode the lift up with Amber to her floor. Though Jeffrey hadn’t mentioned it since they’d arrived, Harry still felt the need to look out for her. Watching her pull out her key, he giggled when she let out a big, long yawn.

“Told ya I’m exhausted,” she blinked with heavy eyelids.

“Go to bed, sleepyhead,” he commanded, unlocking the door for her.

“Which one’s your room?” she asked when she entered. “I mean, in case I need you.”

Harry pointed to the ceiling with a frown.

“Oh,” Amber rolled her eyes. “Of course. Mr. Penthouse.”

“Heyyy.”

Amber feigned a pout, playfully poking him in the side. Leaning against the door, Harry licked his lips as Amber headed straight for the bed. It took all his power and restraint to not take another step further into the room, the need to comfort her aching through his core.

“I’m inviting you now, so you don’t get mad later and say I didn’t.”

“Inviting me to what?” Amber asked, pulling down the bedding.

“Dinner.”

Looking up with wide eyes, Amber dropped the extra pillows on the floor. “Oh. Yay! With you and Jeff?”

“No…” Harry looked down at his hands and tugged at his rings. “Just me.”

“Ohh,” Amber murmured softly as she walked around the bed and stepped closer to him. “Double yay. What time?”

“Whenever you wake up from your nap. You’ll be hungry, yeah?”

Amber nodded emphatically. “Definitely.”

“Good,” Harry grinned. “Just call or text when you’re ready.”

“What if I sleep forever?”

His lips spread wider as he felt a tiny flutter in his chest. Where the hell did that come from?

“I don’t mind waiting,” he admitted.

And somehow, he knew in that moment, that it was the absolute truth. In more ways than one.

Amber sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes red from crying for the last hour. The gentle touch of Carter’s hand on her back soothed her as she took in deep breaths. She felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, while she also worried that perhaps she shouldn’t have revealed everything to her drummer.

“It’s gonna be okay,” she heard Carter murmur.

Turning her head, she looked at his sincere face before he leaned in and kissed her lips softly. Maybe she hadn’t made a mistake in telling him.

“And I want you to know, Ambs,” he continued, “that I’ll never tell another living soul what you just told me. As long as I live.”

“Promise?” she asked with jagged breaths.

Carter lifted his hand to brush away a fallen strand of hair from her face. Looking her in the eye, he nodded.

“I promise, babe. It’s not my secret to tell, anyway.”

“And…” Amber swallowed, “you don’t judge me?”

“God, no, Ambs,” Carter scowled. “I’m actually glad you told me. It...makes me feel closer to you, if that makes sense.”

With a deep sigh, Amber lifted her arms to wrap them around Carter, pressing her face into his shoulder.

“Thank you,” she mumbled against his t-shirt.

“I’m here for you, Amber,” he declared. “Even if...if it has to be just you and me. No one else needs to know, because I’ll take care of you.”

Amber awoke to several text notifications. With a smile on her lips, she rubbed her eyes and sat up on the bed, hoping at least one was from Harry, even though he’d told her to text him. Much to her dismay, however, the first notification was a long text from Carter.

Amber, I know you don’t wanna talk to me, she read, immediately closing the text.

“You’re right, I don’t,” she said aloud.

The second text was from her mother.

Just checking in. Call or text me when you get a chance.

Giving Pauline a quick reply, she told her she was headed out to dinner, and that she would call her as soon as she was free. At the end, she added that all was well. Though it was a white lie, she didn’t want her mother to worry.

The final text was fortunately from Harry. Her smile returned as she read his words.

I’ve decided to have dinner delivered to my room. Come on up when you’re ready.

Hastily typing on her phone, Amber texted him back to let him know she just woke up and would be there in a few.

I’ve just ordered. Take your time :).

With her tummy already doing somersaults at the idea of having dinner alone with Harry in his penthouse suite, Amber tossed the sheets aside and pulled off the Treat People With Kindness hoodie she’d slept in, opting for a quick shower. While she would have normally waited until after having eaten, the last thing she wanted was to show up at his door stinking to high heaven. Not that she particularly had B.O...but still.

Dressing in her most comfortable jeans with a tee and her favorite oatmeal colored cardigan, Amber spritzed herself lightly with perfume and stepped into a pair of flats. Pressing the button at the elevators, she heard a voice call her name.

“Hey, Amber, how’s it goin’?”

Twirling around, she smiled when she saw Mally, Sarah and Mitch coming towards her.

“Hey, guys. Just going to grab some dinner.”

“Oh, us too,” said Mally. “Do you wanna join us?”

“Um…” Amber hesitated. “Sorry, I actually have plans. Maybe next time?”

“Of course.”

Stepping onto the open elevator, Amber saw Mally hold the door before she frowned, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Oh Mal, I think she’s going up,” Sarah commented, saving the day.

“Oh!” Mally looked up at the light above the doors. “Dang, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Amber gave a wavering smile. “See you before the show, okay?”

“You got it, babe,” Mally winked.

As the doors shut, Amber swallowed hard. She’d already decided she liked Mally. He seemed like a nice and decent guy, and he was one hell of a musician. But the last thing she needed was another drummer who called her babe.

Her thoughts momentarily - and undesirably - floated to Carter, and had it not been for the delicious aroma wafting through the open doors, she might not have noticed the elevator had stopped. Stepping out into the small foyer, she saw a man in a black vest pushing an empty cart her way. He gave her a short nod before backing into the elevator, the doors closing quietly.

“Oh, hey, you’re here. Come in, love.”

Her gaze shifting back to the open doors, Amber caught sight of a very cozy-looking Harry, clad in black sweats and a gray hoodie, his curls damp from his own apparent shower. Crossing the threshold, she took in the view of the nearby table, decked out with two place settings, candles aglow in the center. Amber wasn’t sure which of the two visions pleased her more.

“Have a seat,” she heard him say.

Blinking, she looked at Harry, then back at the table, finally choosing the chair on the right. She stared at the plate in front of her, a chicken breast covered in mushroom sauce, cheesy potatoes and asparagus that all looked and smelled delicious.

“Now, I wasn’t quite sure,” Harry announced, “but I got a bottle of wine if you wanted a glass. You certainly don’t have to partake, though.”

It was only then that Amber noticed the chill, ambient music, coming from where she wasn’t sure. It only added to the atmosphere with the early evening overcast light streaming through the sheer curtains, and Harry’s intoxicating scent as he stood next to her.

“God, Harry,” she muttered, her eyes still on her plate.

“Hmm?”

Raising her head, she saw him lift his eyebrows in question, the bottle in his hand as he uncorked it.

“I...wasn’t expecting all this.”

“What? It’s just dinner, love,” he smirked and poured a tiny bit of the red liquid into a glass. “You have to eat, right?”

“Well, it’s not my usual kind of dinner, so...thank you.”

Leaving the glass next to her plate, Harry poured himself another, much more full glass and took the seat across from her.

“How was your nap?” he inquired.

“Amazing,” she sighed. “And much needed. I think if my stomach hadn’t been growling, I might’ve kept sleeping.”

Harry smiled, lifting his wine glass. “Well, I would have missed your company, but I’d have understood. Cheers?”

Amber shifted her gaze between her wine and water glasses, finally opting for the wine. Sharing the small cocktail with Harry before the show the previous night hadn’t affected her in any negative way, so she figured this one wouldn’t either. Besides, she appreciated that while he’d only poured her a small amount, he’d also given her the option.

“Cheers,” she echoed with a grin, tapping her glass against Harry’s.

Taking a slow sip, she set it down to grab her fork and knife, ready to dive into the delicious looking chicken.

“So, how do you like Mally so far?” Harry asked.

“Oh. He’s great. Such a great drummer. And he seems very nice. I think it might work out, but I guess we’ll see tonight,” she said with wide, excited eyes.

“He is a nice guy,” Harry agreed. “Met him a couple years ago at a party. He and his wife.”

“Oh, he’s married? I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. She’s lovely as well. Tamara I think is her name. Though she goes by Tam.”

“Mal and Tam,” Amber mused. “That’s cute.”

“And they have the cutest kids,” Harry added with a chuckle. “I’m sure he’ll start pulling out the pictures soon.”

After a few minutes of silence except for the sounds of chewing and swallowing, Amber decided to ask a question.

“What kind of party was it?”

“Sorry?”

“Where you met Mally. Was it a music thing?”

“Um...no,” Harry shook his head and wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin. “It was...a Hollywood party.”

“Oh,” Amber nodded, thinking about his answer. “Oh. You were with Iris then.”

“Yeah.”

Amber stared across the table as Harry dug into his own dish. She would have made another rabbit joke, but curiosity and compassion overrode her desire for humor.

“You know, Harry...you told me you’re a great listener. I am too.”

She watched his chest rise and fall before he laid down his fork and took a sip of wine.

“I’m sorry, Amber. It’s just...not really something I care to talk about right now.”

“I see.”

A slight smirk twitched his lips as he replaced his glass. “Perhaps I’ll tell you all about it one day. Right about the time you’re ready to divulge your past with Carter.”

Trying not to let his words sting, she understood his need for privacy.

“Fair enough,” she agreed.

“How about we discuss something pleasant? I remember you mentioning your family. Your baby sister. What about your mum?”

Amber shrugged, jabbing her fork into her chicken. “My mom lives in Georgia. With Laci. Her name is Pauline. She actually texted me while I was sleeping. I told her I’d call later. I’ve been slacking off a little in that department.”

“Ah, keeping in touch with your mum is important,” Harry remarked.

“Yeah I know,” Amber agreed. “Are you very close with yours?”

A wide smile spread across his face, his dimples on full display. “You really haven’t dug up that much on me, have you?”

“Why, was I supposed to?”

A loud chuckle bounced around the room, and Amber felt herself blush. “No. I just reckoned you’d heard about my fabulous mum. And my sister.”

“Oh wait, I think I have,” confessed Amber. “What’s her name again?”

“Gemma. And my mum’s Anne Twist.”

“That’s right! That does sound familiar. I’m sorry, Harry. Other than your music, and a little bit about One Direction, I haven’t really been keeping up. I guess I...just don’t like the idea of snooping into celebrities’ personal lives.”

“That’s fine. And commendable actually,” Harry said.

“Plus...I guess I’ve just been so busy with the band that I haven’t been paying much attention to anything else.” With a pause, she remembered something that made her giggle. “I did see the One Direction movie, though. With my cousin, Faith.”

“Ah, then you have seen my mum,” Harry commented. “She’s in it.”

“Oh! Of course! The gorgeous brunette lady!” exclaimed Amber with wide eyes.

“That’s her.”

Amber sat back in her chair, her eyes taking in Harry’s face. “No wonder…” she muttered.

The dimples made a momentary reappearance as Harry lifted his fork to his mouth, his eyes dancing.

“Well, I love my mom,” Amber circled back around, “and I miss her. But I don’t miss Perry.”

“Perry?”

“That’s the podunk town I’m from.”

“Oh,” Harry chuckled, no doubt at her descriptive word. “What about your dad?”

Amber frowned, dropping her shoulders. Taking a moment to linger, not sure how to answer the loaded question, she sipped on her red wine, letting it coat her throat. Then setting down the glass, she fingered the cloth napkin in her lap.

“My dad and I...don’t have the best relationship. He and my mom split when I was a little girl. I would see him on weekends until I got to high school. Then it turned into once in a while, and finally not at all.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry said sincerely though his expression was stoic. “I understand.”

Resuming his chewing, Harry didn’t ask any more questions, much to Amber’s relief. While she definitely was not in the mood to discuss her history with Carter, she was also not ready to go down the father route either. Like Harry had said...maybe one day. But today was not that day.

After dinner, Harry invited Amber to join him on the sofa where he grabbed his guitar and quietly began to strum, the lo-fi music now extinguished. Almost like clockwork, the man from earlier returned to collect the dirty dishes, placing them on the cart before leaving once again. Amber watched him from the corner of her eye, though she didn’t question it aloud. Things like that she knew she could get used to, though she would never take for granted, and knowing Harry for the short time she had, she figured he didn’t either.

When Harry began to play chords to a song she knew well, she sat up with delight, a smile beaming on her face.

“You know my songs!” she exclaimed with joy.

“Just the one,” Harry grinned shyly. “And a wee bit of another one. That song you sing acoustically until the band kicks in.”

“Oh my gosh,” Amber placed her hand on her chest. “I’d love to hear you play it.”

“Actually, I was rather hoping you would.”

Sucking in her lips, Amber tried not to blush as Harry handed her his guitar. Tossing the strap over her head, she rested the six string on her knee before taking the pick from him. Then plucking the strings, she gently began to sing her own song - one that was near and dear to her heart. When she reached the part where the band would usually kick in, Harry began to sing harmonies, lightly tapping his hands on his thighs. Amber couldn’t help the elation she felt rising in her chest as she watched him, the sound they made together echoing through the suite. As the song began to build, the emotion did too, and she felt a tiny tear trickle down her cheek. When she finished the final chord, her voice ringing out long after the vibrato was complete, she exhaled slowly, holding the guitar neck with one hand as she wiped the tear with the other.

“Absolutely beautiful,” Harry affirmed, his voice warm and syrupy.

“Whew,” Amber sounded. “Thanks. I haven’t sung it that way in...a long time.”

“I reckon that’s how it should be sung. I mean...if I’m allowed to say.”

“Really?”

Harry shrugged. “I just felt that a little more - the emotion coming from you. I like the other way too, with the band. But I think you may want to consider performing it acoustically sometime. Just you and the guitar.”

Amber bit her lip. She had considered that, in fact, when she’d first written it. “It was...Carter’s idea to do it that way, with the band. He said it sounded too sleepy and desperate the other way.”

Harry hummed, and even without the eye roll that Amber knew he was holding back, his opinion was clear. Removing the strap, Amber handed him his guitar and pick, pushing her hair from her face.

“I guess I should probably go,” she announced. “It’s about time to get to the venue.”

“Thank you for joining me, Amber,” said Harry as he rested his guitar against the arm of the couch. “It was a lovely dinner.”

“God, no, thank you! For inviting me, and for the delicious meal and...everything.” Amber rose from the sofa before Harry could protest, reaching the double doors that the waiter (or whomever he was) had shut behind him.

“Well, you’re very welcome,” she heard him say behind her before he came to rest his palm against the closed door. “Amber.”

“Hmm?” she asked, lifting her head to meet his green eyes. As usual, she found herself wanting to swim in them, and she knew she could have if he hadn’t spoken again.

“Are you doing okay?” With the tenderness of a dove, he placed his hand on her arm, where her bruise still lay hiding beneath her cardigan.

“Of course.”

“I mean, I know it’s only been a day. Not even twenty-four hours yet. But I just wanna make sure you’re-”

“I’ll be fine, Harry,” Amber interrupted in haste. Then looking down at her hands she picked at her nearly gone nail polish. “You’ve helped a lot, really. Everything you’ve done for me has helped me in...more ways that I can express.”

“Good, I’m glad.”

“I have to be honest with myself though,” Amber added. “And with you. I know I’m not completely okay yet. It’s gonna take a while. But I’ll be fine. As long as you’re here.”

Without really meaning to, Amber lifted her other hand to cover Harry’s that had remained on her arm. Giving it a squeeze, she let it go and turned the doorknob, her eyes still lost in his.

“I’ll see you backstage,” she said softly.

“Yeah,” Harry nodded. “See ya in a bit.”

Turning for the elevator, Amber pressed the button, whispering one last goodbye before stepping inside. Feelings and emotions surrounded her as her stomach seemed to float while the elevator descended. Taking a deep breath, she returned to her room. Having left her phone there, she decided to check for any new messages. But all that had been added were more from a name she no longer wished to see printed on the screen.

“God, why can’t you leave me alone?” she groaned.

Sitting down on the bed, she was prepared to block his number, but once again, curiosity got the better of her, and she began to read.

Amber, I know you don’t wanna talk to me. But I hope you’ll at least read this. Because I have a lot to say.

I want you to remember how we used to be. How you used to come crying to me, or knocking on my door in the middle of the night because you were scared or lonely. You needed me, Amber. And you still need me. And I think you know that. No matter what you say, we belong together.

I know more about you than anybody. I get you. You said so yourself. How can you just throw that away? How can you kick me out of the band when we built it together? I don’t understand, Amber.

And then when I came to talk to you last night, you had Styles in your room, and you wouldn’t even talk to me! You seem to be all over him now. How do you think that makes me feel? That’s why I got angry. God Amber, I gave you everything! I didn’t wanna hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I thought it was just you and me. I thought you wanted that.

Please talk to me, babe. Please let me back in. I miss you. I miss us. Please. I know you miss me too.

Wiping the tears from her eyes that she’d just realized had fallen, Amber read the last text that he’d sent just recently, most likely when she was in Harry’s room.

Fine. I see now. Thanks for making me look like a fucking fool, Amber. I can’t believe I ever cared, because you obviously never cared about me. Have a good life.

Clearing her throat, Amber tossed her phone onto her bed and let herself weep. Big, angry tears came falling down her cheeks, landing in her lap and on her favorite sweater. She cried for several minutes, letting all of her emotions free, like an exorcism.

The hardest part of all, she admitted to herself, was that Carter was right. He was right about a lot of things. They had built the band together. She had come to his room crying when she needed someone. He did know more about her than anyone. And she had needed him.

But not anymore. He was no longer in the band. She no longer ran to his room in the middle of the night. So what if he knew her secrets? He didn’t own her. And she most definitely didn’t need him.

Not anymore.

Rising from the bed, she went to the bathroom and grabbed several tissues to blow her nose and wipe her eyes. Then grabbing her phone from the bed, she tossed it into her handbag on the way out the door.

Right after blocking Carter’s number.

The energy felt different. Amber couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but somehow the buzz from the crowd seemed electric. She could sense it throughout the entire arena, like the feeling that people were actually there for her, and excited to see her perform.

The first song went off perfectly, the audience cheering louder than she’d remembered from previous shows. When she turned and saw Mally counting off the second song, she beamed with delight, thrilled to play her newest single with her new drummer.

It was after the third song that she finally felt the tension release from her body. Not the nerves from playing in front of a large crowd, nor the nerves from playing with a new drummer. But the tension from the last twenty-four hours - or rather, the last couple years.

Pausing to introduce the next song, Amber had an idea. Stepping closer to the drum kit, she waved over Brendan and Johnny.

“Hey guys. I know this is last minute. But remember when I used to sing this song acoustically?”

“Yeah, you wanna try it now?” asked Johnny incredulously.

“Do you mind? I mean, can you back me up if it goes wrong? Step in if I flub it all to shit?”

“Shit yeah, Ambs!” exclaimed Brendan.

Looking up at Mally, Amber saw him give her an assuring wink. “Got your back, babe.”

Sucking in her lips, Amber turned back toward the mic, gingerly strumming the opening chords.

“So this is one of my favorite songs,” she announced. “On the record, it’s got the full band, but...tonight I’d like to sing it the way it was written.”

The crowd cheered as she took a deep breath.

“This is for someone special,” she added.

When her set was over, Amber felt elated, energized, exhilarated, exhausted....and any other word she could think of that started with E. Stepping into the wings, she caught sight of the shadow before his arms wrapped her into a warm hug.

“I’ve never been more proud,” he murmured against her hair.

“That was for you,” she declared against his chest.

Pulling back, Harry lifted her chin to look at him. His eyes dancing, even in the dim lights, he brought his other hand up to cup her cheek, his calloused fingers giving her goosebumps.

“No, my love,” he shook his head. “That was all for you.”

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zukkaoru · 2 years

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hi grace this is very important and you are a very trusted source so the thing is with s2 of JJK coming up and me being caught up on the manga and all I was like… I need is some good satosugu fics to read to completely obliterate me sooooo would you have any recs???

HELLO yes okay so. i don't have as many stsg fics saved as i thought but here are some that destroyed me (affectionate) - some are angsty and some aren't necessarily angsty but were so good they destroyed me anyway

things long gone by hiraethia 4.8k words, curse!geto au

also by kai: one more august day (also i have not read the sequel yet but i'm sure it's phenomenal. also i'm just gonna rec all of kai's fics even though i've only read these two) 19.1k words, mostly canon compliant relationship study

asymptote by meruemsthighs 1.7k words, geto struggles with not being able to touch gojo now that he has infinity up all the time

love is all I ever yearned for; not this affection carved in stone by getoswrongs (juyang) (don't read the series description for this. just trust me. you have to go in blind for the full experience) 15.2k words, potter!suguru, and astrophysicist!gojo pining

like best friends do by yuki_MXIVo 6.3k words, aromantic satosugu

shoko's memories by hella1975 17.1k words, not exclusively satosugu but oh my god. this fic rewired my brain chemistry i'm literally not kidding. it's an au where kenny gets kidnapped in shibuya and gojo tries to revive geto by subjecting kenny to watching the compilation of videos taken on shoko's camera when they were students

i am yours forever, and i'll always feel at home with you by leavesandcurses 3.2k words, also not exclusively satosugu but also so so good. this is geto-gojo family and geto observing his family's routines

for a new world to begin, the old one must fall by thatwasanticlimactic 7k words, after slaughtering everyone in the village, geto kills gojo's family too. (okay so technically i haven't read this one yet but i know it's good bc corey wrote it <3)

aaand here are a couple more that i haven't read yet but have either heard good things about or just think look like they would absolutely shatter my soul:

smile like brass by chuuyasoup a little ways lost by chuuyasoup Carry Me Home by yuki_MXIVo 愛のある場所; river of light (that brings me to you) by cosmichorrour Punishment For A Monster by mimiquack SwitchScale by CharmPoint

#also if you haven't read my fics yet.. 'all my flowers grew back as thorns' and 'the things all come and gone' are pretty good #if i do say so myself #anyway i hope you enjoy <3 #fic rec #satosugu #asks #nyla tag #going through my marked for later fics is making me want to read one augh #unfortunately i am in class rn (shhhh)

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psychewritesbs · 2 years

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Chapter 199: Resentful Names—Yes, Destined One, everything IS, in fact, going too well...

Are you having a happy JJK-Sunday?

Naoya is gone at last, no one we care about has died, our boys are back, daddy Sukuna is back, we’ve got major plot progression...

What else could we ask for when everything is going so smoothly for our heroes?!

Ok but, am I the only one who’s super... idk... paranoid about how well things have been going?

No one has died in a Battle Royale that is, literally, about death (I’ve literally been waiting for SOMEONE to die this whole time)... and Megumi’s plan is going according to... well... planned.

This is the definition of a story arc without conflict... and “conflict” is what makes stories interesting.

And the fact that Gege, literally, wrote “but isn’t this going too well?” might as well be him saying “right, time to let all hell loose.”

Or maybe I am just jaded and paranoid and need to learn to see the glass half full...

Anyways... the pieces of the puzzle are starting to fall into place at last.

Maki and friends defeat Naoya

Yay, lets celebrate this predictable outcome.

Ok maybe I AM jaded after all...

Moving on with our lives... So long pretty boy Naoya, you will now be but a distant memory no one ever thinks about.

Mommy issues...

So given the title of this chapter, I was curious about Maki asking her mom about her name (which I do wonder wether she was just saying that) before killing her (which, excuse you?! one does not simply kill one’s mom!), so I went looking at the meaning of Maki’s name.

真 (ma): true, reality

希 (ki): hope, beg, request, pray, beseech, dilute (acid), rare, few, phenomenal

In case anyone is curious, Mai’s name is a lot simpler:

真 (ma): true, reality

依 (i): reliant, depend on

So, who knows what mom told Maki her name meant to earn her wrath.

Truly... who knows what her mom told Maki as it feels that mom might have never been able to express her true feelings and instead kept them to herself.

After all, the Zenin clan doesn’t exactly look like the kind of family where it’s safe to express your feelings and emotions.

Perhaps, with such a polarized kanji as 希 (ki), mom told her the meaning of her name was something along the lines of true rare (as a derogative term) or dilute acid, when in reality maybe it meant something along the lines of true hope. Unfortunately it looks like Maki’s mom was never going to come out and say something like that.

Who knows... but... it’s the look on Maki’s face as she talks about killing her mother that really got me.

Like... is she sad that she killed her mom? Or is the look on her face devoid of emotion and regard for her mother’s life? Maybe it’s just that Gege has a way to go in learning to depict conflicted emotions in his panels.

Either way... one does not simply kill one’s mother.

At least it looks like Maki does feel some remorse for how she handled things. She definitively seems to have had a very ambiguous and difficult relationship with her mother.

Tragedy. Tragedy all around I tell you.

Given that JJK is pretty dark, I love how Gege is using the Cursed Twins trope.

If you want to read more stories with cursed twins, I recommend CLAMP’s Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle and, of course, Tokyo Babylon. Gohou Drug also has cursed twins but is not as good.

Resentful Names vs. Epithets

Time to get nit picky about the translations used in this chapter.

So the TBC scanlation uses “epithet” as the title of this chapter vs. the official translation which uses “resentful names”, and for once I feel like both are right.

Why does it matter what word(s) is/are used?

Not only do we have the meaning of Maki’s name alluded to as a resentful name in this chapter, we also have Nori’s name.

I’m not feeling like going in and breaking down the kanji in Nori’s name, and I kind of don’t need to because we’ve been told before that Kamo Nortioshi is known as an evil sorcerer from back in the day, and we also know it’s because Kenny had made himself at home in the real Noritoshi’s body.

Ironically, in contrast to Maki’s mom, Nori’s mom’s intentions in giving Nori a “resentful name” were all about getting her son to leave the clan.

So at least for Nori and Maki it makes sense why this chapter is titled “resentful names”.

But what about the other character in this chapter with a name loaded with meaning?

Megumi.

This is where epithet feels more appropriate. While we can still think about Megumi as having been given a “resentful name”, I prefer to head canon that his name was given to him out of love.

I, of course, can’t prove that (I don’t think), and yet I prefer to think that his name is more of an epithet given its meaning (惠 = blessing), rather than a resentful name.

Epithet: an adjective or descriptive phrase expressing a quality characteristic of the person or thing mentioned.

and...

Epithets also commonly appear next to or in place of a person’s name like a nickname such as Catherine the Great, Ivan the Terrible, etc...

Megumi the Destined/Chosen/Blessed One

Fck yeah here we go!

First, this is the first time (that I know of) that Gege uses the word destiny instead of the word fate.

運 (un): luck

命 (mei): decree, destiny, life

Up until now, Gege has mostly used the word fate.

因 (in): causal

果 (ga): fruit

Which can be literally translated to “causality” or “the fruits of causality” aka “fate”.

I’ve written about the subtle difference between the two in my Megumi symbol analysis (which is reported to crash phones bahaha, such is fate). We still don’t know how Gege is going to use the symbols so, as always, read with a grain of salt and an open and flexible mind (because, you know, mental gymnastics).

Second, can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that Hana, of all people, is the one calling Megumi the Destined One?

Like... what does it all mean?!!!! *sequals like a pig*

Literal picture of me reading this chapter 🐷.

Ok ok.

FOCUS, v, focus!

Truth is, we just don’t know much about her and this chapter has opened a can of worms about her character that I totally did not expect...

More about her in a little bit.

Everything is going according to planned, but that’s not necessarily a good thing

Quick recap as retold by Megumi:

The reference to Patrasche is very tragic. You can read about A Dog of Flanders in Wikipedia, which has a quick summary of the story and mentions a couple of anime adaptations of the story.

In a nutshell, A Dog of Flanders is about a boy (who happens to be an orphan like a certain someone) with a very tragic life and his very tragic death. But I am not sure that there is anything more to it than Gege making a reference to a beloved childhood story.

Unless he’s using the story as foreshadowing of Megumi’s death. I guess we’ll find out but, until proven wrong, I shall continue to delude myself into thinking he’s surviving the JJK-scheme of things.

Anyways, I loved seeing Megumi take what looks like a deep breath of relief...

That is... Before he second guesses his good fortune.

So... remember how before Megumi manifested Chimera Shadow Garden he kept loosing?

He got his ass kicked by the Cursed Spirit in chapter 1

He got his ass kicked by Sukuna in chapter 8-9ish

He got his ass kicked by Todo before the Kyoto sister school event

He did not get his ass kicked by Nori but he realized that Nori had been holding back on him the whole time

He got his ass kicked by Hanami

And then... all of a sudden he scores a big win:

He has a major level up, manifests the strongest technique a Jujutsu sorcerer can manifest (Domain Expansion), and exorcises a Grade 1 (or was it Special Grade? I don’t remember) Cursed Spirit. Something he previously would not think himself capable of doing.

This time I wonder whether we have the opposite happening... His wins could be a deceptive plot device leading up to a major loss.

Not only is everything going according to plan, Megumi has been growing more and more confident in his skills as a sorcerer. He’s been racking up one win after another.

My money is on something happening soon which will push Megumi to have to face loss big time. I don’t know what that will look like, it just does feel like everything has been happening in their favor (too good to be true), and he’s about to get served a cold platter of tragedy.

This is what jaded people say by the way.

We’ll see. I also used to think Hakari had a major death flag, but as we saw, he’s still walking around. He lost an arm, but he’s still alive.

Plus, if Megumi is The Destined/Chosen/Blessed One, for all we know, Megumi has luck (運) in his favor and he will continue to be able to trump fate (因果) and its machinations.

The Angel

I have to say that seeing how Gege uses and expands upon symbols in JJK is one of my favorite things ever.

I just want to remind anyone reading this that symbol analysis requires mental flexibility. It starts with taking a symbol, like say, the Angel, and finding the many possible meanings it can have across cultures.

When I wrote about the symbolism of Hana’s character, I focused mostly on Judeo-Christian imagery because she physically resembles a Judeo-Christian Angel.

And lo and behold, here we go... Gege is going with the Angel/Fallen Angel symbol.

But before we get to that, there were a couple of interesting details to nit pick on...

Hana appears to be a host to Angel but can retain her consciousness just like Yuji

I totally did not see this one coming even though Kenny did say he was releasing a bunch of malevolent Yuji Itadoris out into the wild.

I had speculated that Hana and Megumi might have a shared past together and that they are entangled somehow. Looks like I was partially right even though I actually meant they shared experiences in the distant past in another lifetime (i.e. she knows one of Megumi's ancestors).

But in the end it may just be a shared childhood event in this lifetime.

I got the impression she might have had a crush on Megumi from the panel above. And since Megumi seems to have no memory of her, I wonder if Hana is someone he met in his childhood.

I would not be surprised if he defended her from bullies since she appears to have a meek personality.

I mention this because I am fascinated by how symbol analysis can predict certain things with a certain degree of accuracy. Sometimes I am completely off the mark, sometimes it’s somewhat accurate, and sometimes it’s on point depending on how Gege uses the symbols.

And maybe I am just a massive dork. Who knows.

In the end, JJK feels like a puzzle that you put together one piece at a time, and making wild speculations about the big picture is always half the fun.

Whatever the case, I totally did not see it coming that Angel is choosing to co-exist with Hana’s consciousness.

Which means that Hana’s consciousness is from the present day Japan. This also confirm that she’s not Tsumiki or Yuko from chapter 64.

This is interesting because Yuji and Sukuna are the opposite. Yuji and Sukuna are fighting over conscious control over Yuji’s body, and yet, they co-exist.

Regardless, that makes Hana and Angel conjoined psychic twins the way Yuji and Sukuna are two different mind consciousnesses sharing the same soul and body.

Is Angel a self-righteous Christian/Catholic “sorcerer” (missionary) from the past?

Angel’s introduction into the story brings with it the idea of a spiritual Higher Intelligence underscoring reality.

For me, the idea that she wants to uphold “the laws of God” or “the order of things” is what is most relevant.

She’s someone who does not want for God to be challenged even if challenging God, or the order of things, might mean that humans might become “enlightened”. More on this later.

Since some of the reincarnated sorcerers are from as far back as Heian, historically-speaking, I also wonder what era Angel is from since the 700s saw the spread of Christianity through the crusades of medieval Europe but the first Christian missionary did not enter Japan until 1549.

Anyways, it’s fascinating to see this character get thrown into a story with strong Buddhist themes. And as I’ve mentioned before, my understanding is that Buddhism doesn’t necessarily acknowledge or deny the existence of a God.

Historically, the implications for this are interesting because the introduction of Christianity into Japan was a political move that challenged the political stronghold that Buddhism had on Japanese society at the time.

The history of Kirishitans in Japan, as they were called, is very fascinating. Who knows how much of it Gege will use as inspiration, but you can read about it here if you want to learn more.

Now, seeing as Hana and Angel are of two different minds, I think that it’s not Hana that is not to be trusted, but rather Angel herself.

Ok, I’ll admit that maybe I’m hanging onto my distrust of Angel when maybe there’s nothing to mistrust about her, but...

She’s clearly going to use Megumi for her own goals and we still don’t know why she’d want to target “the Disgraced One” (as per the official translation).

Why does she want to pass judgment on him?

And let’s say they do fight and kill the Disgraced One, will she keep her promise?

Either way, I get the feeling we’re going to find out pretty soon how and why daddy Sukuna became the Disgraced One.

Ah... swoon.... and the smug look on his face as he admits to being the Disgraced One? This character... Yes more please!

Anyways, this brings us into Fallen Angel territory.

The Fallen Angel

Now... TBC scans specifically made a point to make a distinction about the kanji used...

And I think it’s because we shouldn’t be thinking of Sukuna as a Fallen Angel per se. Or at least someone who once stood at God’s side and then fell from Grace.

Regardless, the connotation of falling from Heaven’s Grace is still present as though Heaven (Nirvana?) was an ideal state of mind or being:

堕: degenerate, descent to, lapse to

天: heaven

Given the lack of the kanji for Angel in The Fallen, I am not sure whether we can link Sukuna to a figure like Lucifer, the Fallen Angel or the Bringer of Light. Regardless, there’s still something very telling about how he “descended from heaven and degenerated into who he is”.

Basically, there’s something here about how his persona degenerated and lost any semblance of morality.

No regard for others, right?

He’s also been called a storm. Which, from a Buddhist perspective, the enlightened mind should be one that is calm and clear (I think) enough to reflect upon itself.

Plus, the fact that Sukuna owns to the title so readily is very interesting.

I do have to wonder why Gege omitted the kanji for angel (使) as part of the idea that Sukuna is the Fallen.

I say this because, historically, Ryomen Sukuna is said to have been revered by the people of his province and stood up against the Emperor.

If you think of the metaphor of Lucifer as the Bringer of Light, there is a small connection there in which perhaps JJK Sukuna challenged God, the Emperor or maybe the order of things for a greater goal.

Who knows.

But... everyone and their Jujutsu-mom has been trying to kill him from the start of the story.

Is it truly because he’s a dangerous and aberrant creation that should not exist? Or is there something we don’t know?

My money is on the audience missing important information and Sukuna being an aberration.

I’ve heard podcasts about books that go into how the story told by Christianity is a rehash of other myths. In other words, you can think of the Devil/Lucifer as a sort of misunderstood antagonist.

That is not to say that evil doesn’t exist. It’s just that evil got equated with challenging the status quo (God).

i..e did you know Lucifer is actually a metaphor for the planet Venus’s movement in the sky as a metaphor for a Sumerian Goddess moving through the underworld?

And if The Angel is truly only interested in her own goals, then we know she’s only interested in upholding the status quo in a world where a being like Sukuna challenges the status quo.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now but... JJK is starting to resemble the underlying themes in x/1999.

What with the battle for the end of the world and the two opposing sides, the Dragons of Heaven seeking to protect humanity, and the Angels of Earth who have lost regard for humanity (sounds familiar?) and are seeking to overthrow the status quo.

Basically, Gojo is not getting unsealed anytime soon. Now what?

All that to say... considering Yuji went through the effort to remind us that if he dies, Sukuna dies, I think it’s safe to say that once everyone finds out that The Fallen is Sukuna, asking Angel to unseal Gojo is probably out of the question.

Smart move Gege.

If he takes Gojo out of the box, Gojo can fix everything because he’s OP. Best to keep him sealed so that our heroes can have their character growth.

So, to answer Megumi’s question from the beginning: yes, Destined One, everything IS, in fact, going too well...

God... how did this get so long? I’ve been word vomiting for hours. There was just so much to bran rot about...

As always, assistant Pu-kyu and I thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far.

Happy JJK-Sunday!

Next week we hit the 200th chapter mark! Congrats to Gege!

#jjk ch 199 #god I love jujutsu kaisen

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daltongraham · 2 years

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I'm re-watching "Saving Grace" (on Hulu) and my goth it is so good.

I originally watched it when it was on tv and loved it. I'm loving it as much the second time around. Holly Hunter is phenomenal in this role. Her character is so fucking vital and dynamic. She's wild and out of control but zeroes in and stills when someone is hurting. Warning for a lot of Christian theology--she's being pursued by an Angel who is trying to get her to stop sinning, and the sins are traditionally Christian-defined, so I don't like that part of it, but the philosophical musings are fascinating. Plus there's tons of sex, especially with Ham (Kenny Johnson) with whom there is a severe size differential that appeals to me. Yes, it's a cop show (and yes I love cop shows, sue me, I have a realistic view of real-life cops) but it's so much more. And the very touchy close relationship she has with Rhetta (Laura San Giacomo, whom I've loved since "sex, lies and videotape") is really refreshing. (and easily slashed, tho there's very little fic on AO3)

#saving grace #holly hunter #tv recommendations

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maloned · 1 year

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CM Punk's Pipe Bomb: Reigniting My Passion for Wrestling and the Hope for His AEW Return

CM Punk's Pipe Bomb and Money in the Bank 2011 was the pivotal moments that reignited my passion for wrestling. As a Lapsed Fan who had lost interest in WWE and wrestling after the failed invasion angle and the original brand extension, I had limited my viewership to WrestleMania alone.

However, in 2011, fate intervened when a nearby Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant began airing all WWE PPVs. It was the perfect opportunity to enjoy the shows while indulging in some delicious wings and a raucous crowd of wrestling fans. Then, I stumbled upon David Lagana's podcast, "We Want Wrestling," specifically created for Lapsed Fans like myself. That podcast was fanning the flames of my fandum, preparing the way for what came next.

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The unforgettable Monday night of June 27, 2011. I still ignored RAW and Smackdown during that time, but I decided to tune into the end of the go-home episode of RAW before Money in the Bank, I was treated to CM Punk's legendary Pipe Bomb promo. It was a captivating moment. Punk eloquently expressed all the thoughts I had about the state of wrestling. He articulated the very reasons why I had drifted away from my favorite form of sports and entertainment.

That remarkable promo, combined with the electric atmosphere of the Chicago crowd at Money in the Bank and the phenomenal 5-star match between Punk and Cena, ignited a renewed excitement and hope within me. It carried me through the rollercoaster ride of The Summer of Punk and sustained through Daniel Bryan's (Bryan Danielson)'s YES Movement. upto the next Brand Split in 2016. Despite growing weary of WWE's questionable booking and the excessive time investment required, I was grateful for being drawn back into the wrestling world. For a few years, I had the privilege of experiencing WWE and witnessing the rise of Bryan alongside my daughters before they outgrew it.

In recent years, my rekindled fandom has found a new home in New Japan Pro Wrestling. Thanks to their English simulcasts on PPV, AXStv, and the NJPW World streaming platform, I've been able to delve deeper into the wrestling world. The captivating performances of stars like Kenny Omega, Chris Jericho, the Young Bucks, and Cody Rhodes led me to the first-ever ALL IN pay-per-view and the birth of All Elite Wrestling (AEW). AEW's shows have become a tremendous source of entertainment for me, reinvigorating my love for the sport.

The journey came full circle on August 20, 2021, when CM Punk made his triumphant return to wrestling in AEW. His arrival marked the beginning of a year that saw him headlining some of the most memorable in-ring pay-per-views in history. Through Punk's presence, AEW transformed from an exceptional in-ring promotion to a major box office draw.

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"This is my plea to all four guys. Please find a way to make it work. If we can make it work, we can set up the future of professional wrestling for a long time and we can change the course of professional wrestling for a very long time. When you think about it, unselfishly, we're doing this for 20-30 years down the road so guys and girls can make a living." - FTR with Dax Hardwood podcast

"It's not in fashion right now, but you need to point out the fact that he lifted people's games in ways you wouldn't expect," Mick Foley said of CM Punk on the Foley is Pod podcast.

CM Punk's Pipe Bomb promo and Money in the Bank 2011 reignited my passion as a lapsed fan, taking me on a journey through The Summer of Punk and beyond. CM Punk's return in 2021 marked a full circle moment. His presence elevated AEW, reminding me why I fell in love with wrestling. I'm grateful to CM Punk for reigniting my love and hope to see him and many other young stars, shaping wrestling's future. He has a special ability to elevate others' games in this ever-evolving world of sports and entertainment.

#wrestling #AEW #WWE #cm punk #cmpunk

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highjust · 2 years

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Kenny g songbird

I found myself wondering how utterly surreal it must feel to sell so many records and make so much money (Gorelick, incredibly, was also one of the first investors in Starbucks, and has suggested that he helped invent the Frappuccino) and still have a chorus of bespectacled scholars calling you a huge loser. Gorelick has been called many things in the course of his career, but he does not appear burdened by other people’s opinions, making him an unlikely role model for the digital era, in which opinions are so plentiful as to be debilitating. It’s a sound that appears to have no relationship whatsoever to what I think of as jazz, yet it is somehow still “jazz,” or maybe jazz-adjacent-jazz that has been left in a creek bed for a million years, smoothed to oblivion. Close your eyes, play a few seconds, and see what you conjure: a Sandals Resort, an eighties romance film, the time you sat despairingly in a plastic chair for an hour and thirty-five minutes, waiting to see a tax accountant. “Artists now, they come out-there’s no platform to sell a lot of records.”) “Songbird” is quintessential Kenny G: sentimental, slick, uncomplicated, sort of grossly romantic and smooth as hell. (Without discounting his own striving, Gorelick understands the circumstances that allowed for such numbers: “I was super lucky, lucky that I happened to be an artist at the time period when people were buying albums and cassettes and CDs,” he says. Kenny G would eventually sell more than seventy-five million albums worldwide. Not long after that appearance, Kenny G’s fourth album, “Duotones,” went platinum, and “ Songbird” reached No. When Kenny G was booked on “The Tonight Show,” in 1986, he opted to play the instrumental “Songbird,” which features only Gorelick’s gentle, gooey sax-and lots of it. But Gorelick felt certain that he could break through simply as a saxophonist. producer and performer Kashif, who added creamy, polished vocals to Kenny G’s melodies. “It was dawning on me that, although he was a soloist in what was a jazz band, that his primary appeal would really be pop.” At first, Davis paired Gorelick with the R. “He had a very natural gift of relating to the audience,” Davis says. He firmly believed that Gorelick could have a viable career as a solo artist. “There was Kenny, standing up and doing his magic,” Davis recalls, in the film. Gorelick signed to Arista Records in 1982, after the label founder and pop- soothsayer Clive Davis saw him perform with the Jeff Lorber Group. In the film’s opening moments, as Gorelick warms up onstage, Lane asks him how he’s feeling. Has this approach worked for Kenny G? Well, yes and no. “If that means sitting here for twelve hours and not eating or drinking, I’ll do it,” he tells Lane. “I started reading books, I started asking questions.” He also wants to be the best interviewee in the world. I don’t know, Kenny-love your children deeply and unconditionally? (He has two children from his second marriage, to the fashion designer Lyndie Benson.) “I’m going to start studying it,�� he recalls thinking. “How am I going to become the best father the world has ever seen?” he wonders, after his sons are born. “Listening to Kenny G” shows Gorelick applying this idea-that he can satiate his perfectionism through obsessive study-to all facets of his existence, even the soft and instinctive ones, such as parenthood. But that music was never heartfelt for me. . . . “The John Coltrane, the Charlie Parker-their technique was phenomenal. . . . In one scene, he’s asked to sign a wall at his old high school, where he proceeds to fret for a few minutes before finally deciding on “Go for what you love and practice, practice, practice.” Yet who among us thinks only of practice while listening to, say, Sonny Rollins or Dexter Gordon? When the talk-show host Charlie Rose asked Gorelick if he was influenced by any of the great saxophonists-beloved legends of jazz, his supposed spiritual forefathers-he demurred. We are treated to footage of him meticulously preparing an apple pie, meticulously laundering a pair of white pants, meticulously tweaking his golf swing, and meticulously tooting his horn. Throughout the film, Gorelick frequently reminds viewers that he prizes hard work and discipline above all. He scrambles to course-correct: “I guess, for me, when I listen to music, I think about the musicians, and I just think about what it takes to make that music, and how much they had to practice and how good they had to be.” As he says it, Kenny G-born Kenneth Gorelick, in Seattle, in 1956-seems to realize that this was maybe not the most prudent thing to admit. “I don’t know if I love music that much,” the saxophonist Kenny G gamely admits in “ Listening to Kenny G,” a new documentary directed by Penny Lane that premièred last week on HBO.

#Kenny g songbird

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potteresque-ire · 3 years

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🏳️‍🌈 Rec post!! A queer film + a queer TV series from Hong Kong ~

1) Twilight’s Kiss (叔·叔) (Dir. Ray Yeung 楊曜愷; 2019)

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Twilight’s Kiss offers a very realistic depiction of two elderly, in-the-closet gays in Hong Kong, who have dedicated their lives building a conventional family before unexpectedly falling in love with each other. It is a quiet film, and the romance is told in the same subtle manner as love is expressed (and not expressed) in their generation. The actors were phenomenal at playing regular Hong Kong men of their age (Pak mentioned he “came to Hong Kong”, ie, he was a refugee from Mao’s China, as the vast majority of his demographics was), which added to the resonance of the story ~ they could’ve been anyone, and anyone could’ve been them.

The director of the film, Ray Yeung, is an openly gay man.

(Long review: Hollywood Reporter) Streaming link to film (with English subtitles; pls ignore and close the pop-up window)

2) Ossan’s Love (大叔的愛) (2021)

The unlikely (and hilarious) love triangle between Muk (Left), Tin (Center) and KK (Right) in Ossan’s Love.

For those who found the name familiar, it’s because the series is a (faithful) remake of the popular 2018 Japanese series of the same name. The Hong Kong version is longer (15 episodes; ~ 40 min each) compared to the Japanese original, and its mood is cheerier, sweeter, and also ... more BL, with the lead characters Tin (Haruta in the original) and Muk (Maki in the original) played by two idols, Edan Lui 呂爵安 and Anson Lo 盧瀚霆, from the very popular local boy band MIRROR.

(Being idols didn’t prevent them from kissing. Not in Hong Kong, 2021.) (Yes, they kissed, and hugged and fought and bantered...)

Ossan’s Love is culturally significant in that it became the first gay drama to be aired primetime in Hong Kong, and by extension, in China. Beloved by the locals, it was also very much discussed—hk-queers expressed their (surprised) joy that finally, they got to see a respectful, dignified presentation of who they are and how they love. More importantly, they got to see HKers, older generations included, glued to the TV for their kind of love story, rooting for the lead male characters to get together.

This signifies a broader acceptance of LGBT+ in the city than previously assumed; this is very important and comforting to the community in June, 2021, when the future of LGBT+ rights in the city is very uncertain. After the 2019 protests, pro-democracy leaders have been arrested and jailed in large numbers; newspaper that advocated for freedom has been shut down. Meanwhile, during the airing of Ossan’s Love , the (in)famous pro-Beijing politician, Junius Ho, claimed the series to have violated the city’s much feared, much abused National Security Law—the law that officially aims to catch “traitors”, but has been used as a “catch-all” excuse to arrest political dissidents and suppress the freedoms of the city. Ho was of sufficient prominence that his words could draw the attention of officials who have been sent from across the mainland-HK border to do Beijing’s bidding.

Also, Ossan’s Love was produced not by the powerful, once popular TVB (local TV station), which, with Chinese investors becoming its major shareholders like many other HK press and media companies, has become very pro-Beijing and conservative. The series was produced by ViuTV, a much smaller station preferred by young, pro-democracy Hong Kongers ... which means the future of the series, of its stars (MIRROR’s members are once-contestants of a ViuTV talent show), of even the station itself is also uncertain.

Hence, I’m recommending Ossan’s Love now ... even if the official version doesn’t have the best English subtitles. The full series is on Youtube (links below); the soundtrack is in Cantonese and (Traditional) Chinese subtitles are available, but English is only available via Youtube’s built-in Auto-Translate function.

For those who would like to catch a short scene of two cute HK boys in love, the last 5 minutes of Ep 11 would be a nice place to watch. You can see how comfortable these two bandmates were with each other—Edan (Tin) had played two supporting roles before this series, while Anson (Muk) had never acted before. Edan and Anson have claimed that being close friends in RL meant their intimate scenes were easy to film (BTW, Anson is gay, Edan isn’t).

Edan Lui (Left) & Anson Lo (Right), Harper's Bazaar HK, May 2021. Edan was a uni student before joining hk-ent. Anson was a dance instructor.

(You can also see why, when I watched the Gg + Dd Happy Camp episode very, very early on in my turtlehood, I assumed Gg and Dd would have ample opportunities to work together again, to play and be happy in front of the camera ... just like how I remembered on-screen couples from my days in HK—the couples, the CPs of the time, would collaborate repeatedly after having demonstrated chemistry and become commercial success—in film and TV projects, in variety shows, in awards ceremonies as presenting guests etc etc. This multi-project collaboration was, and still is, viewed as a Very Good Thing, and not only for commercial reasons. The inter-personal fate (緣份) to play on-screen couples repeatedly, per the tradition of HK-ent, is something of a blessing, talked about as a small-scale version of having the destiny, the luck to be together across multiple lives, multiple incarnations. Actors treasure this kind of collaboration and the HK audience celebrates it, regardless of the marital status of the actors in RL. Entertainment news dedicate articles about it.) (There’s actually an example of that in Ossan’s Love: Kenny Wong 黃德斌, the actor who played the titular Ossan, KK, and Rachel Kan 簡慕華, who played his wife Francesca, had already played husband and wife three times before. Rachel had retired from acting in 2017 and moved to Canada; she told reporters that she returned to shoot Ossan’s Love primarily so that she could play Kenny’s wife again).

* Below is a small warning for Ossan’s Love ~ *

The humour of Ossan’s Love is often wild and zany, especially where it adapts from the Japanese original. Some of it, i-fandomers may find uncomfortable. Notably, the titular Ossan (Japanese, meaning “Older Man”) was Tin and Muk’s boss; and he and Darren, another superior of Tin and Muk, were also part of the romantic story line.

One can argue, therefore, that Ossan’s Love contains a *very* “Me Too” situation; however, this is also why I find Ossan’s Love interesting beyond being a Chinese-speaking gay drama—it is clear that the production team of this series meant no disrespect, and from the series’ reception, it’s also clear that hk-queers and other more progressive members among the audience didn’t see disrespect in the product. This series therefore offers a glimpse to the answers of some questions I’ve had: how does Hong Kong of 2021 translate respect for queers (as well as for older men and women) into day-to-day words and actions? How do these culturally-specific habits in speech and behaviour compare to the norms in, for example, the United States (that I’m familiar with)?

“Political incorrectness” was also found in some of Tin’s internal monologue. However, I thought, perhaps, that was why the series has proven to be disarming to the general audience both in HK and Japan, places with a tradition of homophobia stemming often not from malice, but from ignorance, from sex being considered taboo for so much of the places’ history. Tin, as someone who haven’t seemed to have spared a thought about homosexuality before the story had taken place, spoke the minds of the audiences who aren’t familiar with homosexuality. Muk, meanwhile, presented the perspective of someone who already understood what being gay was and wasn’t about. Tin, therefore, led the audience towards Muk and his views step by step, all the while without being judgemental—how could he be? He was one of them too during his journey. He was the student, and he was also the protagonist who everyone—and I mean everyone—loved (in a rather funny manner :D). 🌈

(Long review: BLwatcher)

Links to Ossan’s Love, official version uploaded by ViuTV: EP 1 EP 2 EP 3 EP 4 EP 5 EP 6 EP 7 EP 8 EP 9 EP 10 EP 11 EP 12 EP 13 EP 14 EP 15

ETA 2021/09/16: Streaming with English subtitles is available here.

#pie metas #pie recs

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1moreoffkeyanthem · 6 months

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heyyyyy looking for sp fanfics to read (and waiting for ao3 to return from war) do you have any good au fic recs rn? you seem to be the unofficial monarch of South Park fanfic rn, you’re in every comment section it’s beautiful–

(can be finished or still being uploaded, I kinda love the anticipation of chapters being posted like weekly, thanks!!!!!)

Ayyyy stoked to rec some more fics!!! I got some with various ships, various AU’s, mostly unfinished ones that I’m personally eagerly awaiting updates on to be completely feral in the comments!!! Hopefully you’re down w some my dude!

The Multiversal Virus by BrandonTiems bruhhh so yes there are quite a few TFBW/TSOT crossover stories and there is a REASON this is one of the most popular ones!!! Pretty regularly updated too and soooo easy to get sucked into!

Passing Through The Infinite by Jwink85 ok the first chapter dropped only a few days ago and there’s already 3 chaps!!! The characters are so awesome so far, the plot sucks you in dude, we got SUPERHERO ACTION and the gangs all here, the goth kids in chapter three!!! I’m here for it so hard man the dialogue is so great y’all know i fuck w some jwink

Everything I Thought I Could Never Have by Ultramarine_Skai aight so I’m not usually super down with omegaverse but I’m loving this story! We got rockstar Stan too so hellll yeah

The Good Park by mysticmarnie GUYS OK if you watched the good place, it’s THAT but make it South Park!!!!! The casting is phenomenal on ALL PARTS and another with frequent updates; it doesn’t feel like just a name change rip off of the good place show, it actually feels like a well thought out adaptation hell yeah brother

Heathens by Kenzie2898 yallllll holy shit it finished recently and THIS STORY ATE I actually got sucked in so hard and it’s SUCH a the gangs all here fic the pairings are so kickass we got style creek bunny gregstophe dip, fair warning there’s some DARK subject matter but it’s INCREDIBLE and the mystery and crime solving and I am ACTUALLY in love with Stan in it and the whole whole Kenny of it all is phenomenal too, there’s this WILD plot twist with Tweek’s whole thing, the depravity of Cartman in it is just BRUH and Kyle oh my lorddddd

Don’t Mind The Bruises by OrcaTimes YOU KNOW I LOVE ORCAS STORIES AND THIS ONE!!! Kyle centric, juvenile detention au, it’s HEARTBREAKING so far but seeing Kyle warm up to the others is so great and his whole history and inner turmoil is so well handled!!!

Tomorrow Comes Today by tweakystevie YALL WANT A RED DEAD ESQUE AU?!? This shit EATS OK?!? Stan’s gang and Craig’s gang rivalry, the BATTLE CLOSE TO THE END!!! The teamup!!! I’m so excited to see where the rest goes it’s so incredible!

Un Pietenza Per Due, Blackout, Machiavellian Breach, all by courtanie! I know how much I rec a lot from the same authors but mannnnnn these three in particular are some of her ongoing ones that I’m OBSESSED WITH bruhhhhh

That’s what I got right now! Let me know if any of these tickle your fancy and do not be surprised if you see insane pce comments lmfao

#south park #fic recs #ao3 #fanfiction #I love being the sp fic librarian lol #style #creek #bunny #cryle #kystophe #dip #gregstophe #k2 #man y’all know I ship everything #anyway

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buffymilkovich · 3 years

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Hey hey hey Kenny, guess what it's time for...my weekly swa rambling 😌 Did ya miss me?? I'm going to *try* and be as comprehensible as possible bc this chapter was literally EVERYTHING. With every new update, I go, 'oh yeahh this is my new favorite one' 😭.

The cuteness overload in this chapter was ✨OUT OF THIS WORLD✨ like My whipped ass misses you when you go to class and I'm just sitting there like yeah 🥺🥰😭

Also Nelkins 🥺🥺🥺 are they good now??

AND THE SUPRISE AHSJHDKS!!! I knew it was going to be Ian!! Just a few seconds ago before I read the scene I was like wouldn't it be really funny it was Ian as the surprise for mick AND IT WAS!!!

He was very well-adjusted and not at all a desperate, clingy boyfriend, thank you very much. - sure whatever u say mickey 🙄🥰

Ian looked completely flummoxed as he stared at the gesture, and Mickey met his eyes, trying to wordlessly tell him not to react. - FUCKING BITCH UGH!! IAN YOU HAVE MY FULL PERMISSION TO DECK THAT ASSHOLE 😤

COWABUNGA AND HOW'S IT HANGING BUCKEROO!! AJSGADKD I think in swa, the roles have reversed it's now Mickey 'play what cool' Milkovich 🤭

THEY LOVE EACH OTHER YAY!! and the cookie!! GENIUS I want someone to say they love me through a cookie 🥺

The ending had me fuming (great ending but Petrovich was just [redacted]), I just want mickey to live his best life possible with motherfucking Petrovich around.

p.s Ian's outfits in this fic are ✨amazing✨like I get how it could stop Mickey's heart 😌

Kenny and Ness (@lethargicmick) you guys are un-fucking-believable, in a good way obvs. And the fact that you give us a phenomenal chapter EVERY TIME is just 😵💫 thank you so much!!! ❤❤

AAAAAJJJJJJJ MY BELOVED 🥰🥰🥰

there has definitely been a development in the world of nelkins and you will find out about it when mickey does 😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌 #nospoilies

aj they love each other!!!!! they’re so soft i will cry with you!!!

and yes petrobitch can suck all of our collective dicks, literally so true. cannot WAIT to tear that sonuvabitch down

all kudos for fic fits go to my girl @lethargicmick who always finds ones that literally make me go insane. swa ian and mickey are fashion icons it’s true 🕺

AJ. THE WAY I ADORE YOU. your swa ramblings have me like this erry week:

thank u for existing and for reading and for ur ramblings and for everything!!!! sending u so much love!!!!!

#swa stuff #mickeymilkovichenthusiast #aj you’re simply wonderful and i would die for u actually #aj 🥰#asks

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owl-with-a-pen · 3 years

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Goddamnit now Dolly Parton is gonna be stuck in my head the whole entire week lol Loved 6x05 though totally worth it!

As always, Dolly Parton saves the day!

And you’re totally right, 6x05 was amazing and I cannot wait for next week’s episode, too! Being able to see more of Brainy’s struggles dealing with stress, his coping mechanisms, the way we visibly see that stress loosen from him for perhaps the first time since he took off his inhibitors when Nia starts singing, how his face just lights up, I just loved it so much!!

There was something so brilliant about seeing Nia working alongside the younger version of her own mentor, as well. Having young Kara regard Nia’s abilities with a child-like awe (the way Nia surrounded Kara in her dream energy was visually stunning!!) and seeing them work together throughout the episode was awesome! The way they both followed behind Alex in sunglasses to try and seem more inconspicuous to steal the dysprosium. They’re both dorks and I love it.

Nia calling her mum and getting her answering machine hit hard. I know I would have done exactly the same thing in her shoes and it was such a heart breaking scene to watch, but beautifully performed. I also appreciate that we’re getting some proper communication between Nia and Brainy now, especially how Brainy apologised for not being as sympathetic as he felt he should have been in that situation. They’re both dealing with a lot this episode emotion-wise, and I just loved seeing them continuing to support each other.

Also young Cat Grant was on point with those mannerisms! I assume she’ll have a larger role to play in the next episode, but I liked seeing her skulking around trying to figure out the ‘mystery’ of Midvale.

ALSO, KENNY!! I was psyched when I saw him in the promo shots and knowing that on the new Earth he didn’t die and actually started dating Kara is just so sweet. I loved seeing more of his character, and his interactions with Brainy were great!

Honestly, I just loved the vibe of this episode in all. It was funny, well paced and genuinely entertaining. Even the villains of the episode had immediate identifiable personalities that set them apart from your average ‘alien of the week’. Everyone’s performances were outstanding, but I think we can all agree Nicole and Jesse shone in this episode; their comedic timing was excellent and seeing them bounce off one another, especially in the scene where they first crash, was just perfection.

But yes, to cut a long story short, phenomenal episode, can’t wait to see more!

#supergirl #supergirl spoilers #brainiac 5 #nia nal #my asks #not writing #icey-slice

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hideyseek · 3 years

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okay i’m so happy that you like west wing? i regretfully haven’t seen much of the later seasons, which is a mistake on my part that i want to correct soon. BUT! rarepair that has literally been on my mind since i first ever saw them: josh lyman/joey lucas/kenny thurman. like it’s probably the most rarepair ship ever and likely entirely out the window once you go past like the first few episodes with joey but it just kinda planted a seed in my mind and won’t let go even after a full two years since watching any west wing....

YES josh/joey/kenny!!!! if you’re also into just josh/kenny, i read when we weren’t speaking by august_the_real and pene (M, 7k) a while ago and i thought it was absolutely PHENOMENAL. tho tbh i just recommend everything by both of those authors.

re: the later part of the show, i will say i like the post-s5 seasons less upon rewatch, but the first time through i was just thrilled for more content and ymmv!!

#tww #hidey speaks #hidey answers asks

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uservillanelle · 4 years

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Killing Eve ― 3x02 (Review)

I’m finally back to discuss 3x02!! It’s kind of late, I know, but thankfully I haven’t read any other reviews, reactions or thoughts of the episode yet, so my opinion hasn’t been affected by anyone elses and the perspective is still pretty fresh, lol! So let’s get into it, shall we?

The Funeral

This is exactly the place that ended up bringing all, or most, of characters together. Literally. Carolyn is there, Eve is there, Konstantin as well, Kenny’s girlfriend Audrey including his employer and a colleague. Oh, let’s not forget Kenny’s sister - Geraldine! The only person who’s missing here is Villanelle.

I assume they haven’t seen each other for 6 months. And by “they” I mean Eve, Carolyn and Konstantin. Some thought that Konstantin being there was very random, but not exactly. Sure, he didn’t personally know Kenny, but he makes it look like he’s there to support Carolyn since they are “old friends”. Eve immediatelly picks up on that and calls him out. “Don’t pretend... for one second, that you ever think of anyone but yourself.” Eve hasn’t spent as much time around Konstantin as Villanelle has, and despite that fact she seems to know him really well. And in a way, by saying so Eve is reminding US of who exactly is Konstantin Vasiliev.

So. The Bathroom scene. Now that I’m thinking about it, there are 3 characters that perfectly express 3 different stages of grief. Carolyn seems to be almost unaffected by her son’s death, not saying much, not feeling much, perhaps? At least she doesn’t show it. She’s clearly in denial and that’s the first stage of grief. Then there’s Eve, who is so determined to get to the bottom of things and solve the case that got her dear friend killed. She’s obviously angry because she’s the only one who truly believes Kenny didn’t commit a suicide. That’s second stage of grief. And finally, there’s Audrey, who allows herself to be vulnerable and accepts the fact that Kenny’s gone. So pain and acceptance follows the previous two stages. It’s just so interesting as to why they would throw all 3 of them in a bathroom like that with three completely different reactions. So yeah, I do think they did th scene only to show us how those 3 are dealing with the loss.

Next, Geraldine comes into the picture. And she does that through Konstantin. Konstantin is minding his own business, getting his hands on the food and Geraldine comes to greet him, obviously happy to see him again. Based on their brief conversation during the scene shows that she had a way better relationship/bond with Konstantin than she did with her own mother. That says a lot. Also, we find out that Konstantin has been there for quite A LONG time since she and Kenny were kids. It’s safe to say he and Carolyn did have an affair at some point and who knows... maybe he was way more involved in their lives than they’re letting us on. But yeah, I’ll touch upon Geraldine and Konstantin a bit later.

The fact that Carolyn was the only one who was wearing WHITE instead of black gives us a clear indication of the denial. Not only she did that, but.. “Couldn’t we be sad and listen to good music?” Carolyn Martens, everybody. She might just have the weirdest yet coolest one-liners in the show and I’m all about it.

Were any of you just as annoyed by Jamie, Kenny’s employer, as Eve was? I’m sure the conversation between him and Eve was intentional especially knowing that they will have to work together to crack the case of Kenny’s death, but damn! Still not sure what to think about him. Seems rather shady to me. Then again.. there are too many shady characters on this show we cannot trust, lol, so might as well add another one in the list!

Villanelle & Dasha

I honestly thought that the new place Villanelle moved in belonged to her wife. It only made sense. I mean.. where the hell is MARIA?! Don’t tell me we won’t see her again. What’s the point in having Villanelle marry someone and not share any scenes with that character again? We better see her again and the fact that Villanelle is not even wearing her wedding ring is hilarious and shows exactly how FAKE their marriage really is.

Okay, back to Villanelle and Dasha. I don’t think her wanting to go back to Russia is the only, or main, reason why she had to bring Villanelle back into business. I hope we won’t have to wait until the finale to find out what Dasha did to Villanelle. It had to be something very extreme.. or not at all. Let’s not forget... Eve rejected to go with Villanelle and she shot her..almost killed her. So Villanelle saying she’ll kill Dasha.. you can never know, right?

Villanelle having to work WITH someone? Really? I think the show made it pretty clear in 1x04 how Villanelle can’t work in a group. It will not end up well and this time it was no different. I actually liked Felix a lot. He was such a baby, but he did fucked up after all and Villanelle told him straight away that she’ll kill him if he made her look “bad”. Good old foreshadowning on it’s finest.

Patience and responsibility is required to be a Keeper. Villanelle has neither of those two and she even admitted that herself. She knows it, we know it, and Dasha knows it. Instead, she tells her to “pretend” to be patient and responsible. Not only that, but handle Felix in a particulary way, by lying to him and giving false hope he “might” be good. Not a minute after, Dasha uses this manipulation technique on Villanelle to show how well it works. Thankfully she didn’t fell for it. But that makes me wonder... if Dasha has been acting like this ever since she found Villanelle again. She’s giving her false hopes of becoming a Keeper and being “good enough” to be one. She has no power to make Villanelle a Keeper, so... she’s manipulating her to do the dirty work and.. maybe deal with her after she did whatever she was needed to do. Which might lead to yet another betrayal... and this time she might not survive.

It has always been Konstantin’s job to remind Villanelle of Eve and tease her about her all the damn time, so when Dasha brought Eve up and Villanelle possibly STILL thinking about her, she got immediatelly defensive and kind of pissed off? I mean... it doesn’t get as obvious as this. We get it, sweetie. You’re still as much in love with her as you were 6 months ago.

Carolyn

There was a part of me that believed in a way that Carolyn might be involved in her own son’s death. Yes, that would be very fucked up to say the least, but... we don’t actually know her, do we? She could’ve done anything and everything and we wouldn’t know. And neither do other characters, as it seems. Even Konstantin, who has known her for YEARS is ordered to spy on her. Truth is... we don’t really know anything. But then.. there’s something else.

Then we get the scene in the car, which was very well needed. We needed to see a more vulnerable side of her, the emotional side of Carolyn to see that.. she might not have been involved in Kenny’s death. She has been acting that entire time, pretending he comitted suicide because she knew there will be people who would be spying on her. Hell, she probably knows Konstantin was there to do that, but decided not to mention anything.

One name. FIONA SHAW. The car scene was phenomenal. Carolyn doesn’t get many scenes like that where she gets show emotion and open up a bit more so I really appreciated the scene and again... her GOLDEN one-liners. “Why don’t you go and do that thing... where you close your eyes and breathe?” This line KILLED ME! It might just be the most iconic Carolyn line for me so far. Don’t try to change my mind lol!

So on top of everything that’s going on, and her trying to investigate Kenny’s death, wanting Eve’s help... she tries to talk about her family, especially her father but Eve’s not having any of it. So plan B is to bring up Villanelle, because ohh she knows...just how important Villanelle was AND still is to Eve and all she needs to do really is to binrg a photo of her most recent victim and tell Eve that she’s back. This can’t be about Villanelle anymore... I mean Kenny JUST died and this just has to be a way for Carolyn to get Eve back in the game. And it has worked.. even though Eve declined her offer. “I thought you’d want to know” Yes, Eve DOES know now. And she won’t let it go. The level of her “subtle” manipulation is just... soo efficient. What I don’t understand is why she keeps “firing” Eve and then coming back later and asking her to come back and chase Villanelle all over again. And when she does so... Carolyn doesn’t want Eve to be as invested in Villanelle anymore and that’s the same case with Villanelle and Konstantin and honestly... this topic deserves a separate discussion and I’ll touch upon it really soon because I’m VERY curious and even slightly frustrated about the whole thing.

Konstantin

This man might be just as shady as Carolyn is, this season. At least one thing we DO know. He has a mission and will play an important role. Last season all that he wanted was to get back to his family and hopefully quit working for the Twelve? Yeah, that didn’t work out. Like at all.

He’s not with his family, his wife has a boyfriend, his daughter is stuck with them and she hates it and Konstantin doesn’t really care that much. I mean, what could he do? Bring Irina with? She’d only end up dead so he can’t involve his family into this thing. And that leaves him alone in this... mess. I’m not even sure where his REAL loyalties lie anymore. I’d say his family but you can never know. He did say... he never stopped working for the Twelve. So that might just answered my previous question.

At the same time I feel he is STILL working with Carolyn to some extend. Carolyn went to tell Eve that Villanelle is back then Konstantin goes to find Villanelle to let her know that Eve is alive and well. Were Konstantin and Carolyn ordered to do that separately or it’s their own plan in getting Eve and Villanelle to chase one another once more? Shady stuff, indeed.

Just like Carolyn manipulates Eve, Konstantin’s like “Eve’s alive. But DON’T go to London”. LMAO, seriously Konstantin?! Of course she’s NOT going to London in the following episode to visit Eve. Don’t even worry about it. It’s very suspicious he only comes to visit Villanelle after half a year and exactly when Eve knows that she is back and everything else. He was ordered to stay in London for a while... so now he’ll bring Villanelle to London and shit will go down. Good job, dad!

Eve

So recently I had a very huge realization. The thing is... Eve has always been Villanelle’s shadow in a way, because most of us LOVE Villanelle to pieces and we often, if not all the time, forget about Eve being another LEAD of the show. I’m not gonna lie, I was like that for the past two seasons and I really underestimated her. But.. this season, these first two episodes proved me wrong and I’m still shocked as to how much Eve has changed since S2. I can’t really put my finger on it... but shes’s different. Shes completely different person now. She’s so much more grounded in so many ways, and yeah I know she’s a MESS right now but the character development so far... wow. Maybe she’s like that because Niko is not really in her life anymore and she doesn’t need to pretend about anything. She gets to express how she really feels and I’m all for it. I’ve been ASLEEP for too damn long... and I finally awoke.. and I fucking LOVE Eve Polastri. Please, do not underestimate her. She and Villanelle were always equal but now... now they truly are and I cannot wait for next episode to see how she’ll react to Villanelle and how different their interactions will be from now on. Since.. old Eve IS dead and this Eve gives zero shits about anything. All I can say... careful, Villanelle, you don’t want to mess with her.

Sandra Oh. That’s it. Her ability to just.. become this new version of Eve fascinates me so much. It almost seems like she doesn’t even need to try and I LOVE that. She’s bringing this wild, crazy side to Eve that we haven’t really seen before and her every scene deserves a fucking applause. Truly. So let’s appreciate Sandra for being sooo ridiculously amazing as Eve and serving us each episode with amazing content. I’m starting to see what Villanelle sees in Eve... and I’m a bit worried lol!

Alsooo I can’t be the only one who noticed the change in Eve’s choice for drinks. Throughout first two seasons she ALWAYS went for Gin and Tonic. Now, though? It’s only GIN. Yeah, this is a different Eve and shes going for real, clear drinks and that’s all we need to know.

Villanelle

I’ve covered most of the things previously in ‘Villanelle & Dasha’ part. I just want to quickly discuss Jodie Comer’s acting. Can we do that, please? Okay, so there were two scenes that stuck out for me. The one where she and Felix had THE conversation about being rejected by the loves of their lives AND obviously the ending scene with Konstantin. Jodie Marie Comer. There are NO limits for her acting... none at all and I still catch myself watching scenes like that with my jaw to the floor.

The scene with Felix is soooo important and you can’t tell me Villanelle is incapable of having feelings after watching it. She HAS feelings and she DOES feel them. More intensively than others too. And the way they used the Unloved “Cry” soundtrack in there... just glued me to the screen and I had to rewatch the scene several times. A truly highlight of the episode.

Now... the ending scene. That was something I didn’t think I’ll see in terms of.. how outstanding Jodie’s acting was. They also focused on HER only, blurrying Konstantin’s image out and pushing him into the background because that’s how Villanelle felt. She basically went through AT LEAST 4 emotions through the same scene and that’s all because she found out Eve is actually alive and... I’m still SHOOK.

Soundtracks

Just feeling like I need to mention how wonderful are the show’s soundtracks. Like the crew finds and picks mostly not very popular songs and they work so well and makes the show so unique. Most shows use already known songs and Killing Eve just... goes for something unpopular (yet), older foreign songs that fit so perfectly in the given location of the show and the songs usually, if not always, have a very deep meaning. They reflect and tell a story for us that the characters are not telling and that is suuch a brilliant way of using the soundtracks. The two that I REALLY loved this episode was USP by Liz Lawrence and Dart For My Sweetheart by Archie Bronson Outfit. If I’m correct both of the songs were playing during Kenny’s funeral, which is soo fucked up! But like.. thanks Carolyn, for requesting some good ass music!! I definitely recommend you guys to check those songs out and the rest of the soundtracks, as they carry such a strong Killing Eve vibe!

Overall Thoughts

Like I said about the premiere being and feeling different, this episode was somewhat similar to that meaning that the show is different now and we shouldn’t expect miracles of it because we will end up disappointed. So far, I’m loving it and I CANNOT wait for next episode... I know I will not surive and probably neither will you. They’re still taking their time into getting back to the “normal” pace of the show and current events but I have a very strong feeling next episode will NOT compare with the previous two and that’s when the story itself will pick up the pace and will actually GLUE us to the screens until the finale!

As always, feel free to let me know your throughts, reactions or even predictions for the next episode as we have basically 2 more days until 3x03 and we all will need help afterwards. So my inbox and askbox is always open for you guys! And MASSIVE THANK YOU to those who actually take their time to read my nonsense!

#killing eve spoilers #killing eve #villanelle #jodie comer #sandra oh #eve polastri #ke review*#ke s3 #ke 3x02 review #3x03 cant get here quick enough

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nerianasims · 4 years

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Billboard #1s 1986

Under the cut.

Dionne & Friends -- "That's What Friends Are For" -- January 18, 1986

While listening to this song, I think it's a very squishy ballad with a nice sentiment that's not for me but is tolerable. Until a certain point. That point is when Elton John has his big part. Dionne Warwick, Stevie Wonder, Gladys Knight: Great, amazing, I love them, and though their talents are wasted on a song this slight, they make it listenable. Elton John's talents are not wasted on a song this slight. Couldn't they have brought in someone else? There's no way Prince would do something like this, but what about Paul McCartney? Kenny Loggins? Billy Ocean? I guess George Michael was too young for the song's schtick. But I'd take even Lionel Richie over Elton John.

Whitney Houston -- "How Will I Know" -- February 15, 1986

Whitney Houston was an amazing, phenomenally talented singer. And she oversang. Almost all the time. She didn't have to; she knew how to sing with subtlety and grace. But oversinging was (and is) popular, so that's what she did. It means I don't like most of her songs, including this one.

Mr. Mister -- "Kyrie" -- March 1, 1986

I'm not Christian any more, but one can pull inspiration from anywhere. I love the phrase "kyrie eleison." There's something beautiful about that combination of sounds, and there's also something beautiful about the sentiment. The music does not live up to it, unfortunately, though the opening is gorgeous. It also gets super repetitive at the end. It's pretty good, but I want it to be great, and sadly it is not.

Starship -- "Sara" -- March 15, 1986

I'm going to have to listen to "White Rabbit" a dozen times to cleanse this from my brain. A band that used to do stuff like that devolving into making this garbage is extremely depressing. This song starts with music box tinkling which sounds nice. Then saxophone over it which... okay. Just the sax would have been nice, but over the music box it's a little much, but I can keep going with it. Then they add a harmonica layered over it, and it's like I'm listening to a parody of mid-80s easy listening. And then randomly there's a drum crash and the weak voice of this guy comes in along with massive synth, and I start to wonder if I'm being punked. Are we sure this song wasn't a joke?

Heart -- "These Dreams" -- March 22, 1986

I watched the video probably hundreds of times when I was a kid. (On Betamax!) I adore this song. I got to it and went well, this is gonna win 1986, because there's only so much rational distance I can take from what was my favorite pop song when I was 9 years old. This song didn't start my Romantic sensibility, but it spoke to what was already in bloom. "There's something out there I can't resist." We'll see what else is on the list.

Falco -- "Rock Me Amadeus" -- March 29, 1986

I love the movie Amadeus, even though it constitutes a massive slander against poor Salieri. It gets Mozart pretty spot-on though. And I always loved classical music, was surrounded by it from infancy, so I was glad to see its popularity spread by the movie. (Yes, at age nine. I've always been a huge nerd.) This song is really fun and well-made too, though of course I can't understand any of the German lyrics.

Prince -- "Kiss" -- April 19, 1986

Prince sings this almost entirely in falsetto, so one would guess I would hate it, since falsetto usually sends me running in the other direction. One would be wrong. I adore it. Prince was that kind of artist -- he could get away with anything. He was notoriously arrogant, but was it really arrogance when it was just a proper conception of his own abilities? Anyway,

of course "you don't have to be cool to rule my world" deeply spoke to my experiences. I was the most uncool girl in school. Until high school, when somehow my not giving a damn about being cool (as I'd failed at it my whole life) actually helped me.

Also when Prince drops to a low note on the last "kiss," it is incredibly hot.

Robert Palmer -- "Addicted to Love" -- May 3, 1986

I have no idea what I'd think of this song without the video. The video infuriates me. The clone-looking emotionless women aren't "sexualized." No, you have to be treated like a human being on at least some level for that. They are purely objectified, treated literally as blank interchangeable things, with nothing at all inside them. The song is skeevy anyway, though I guess the music's good. But blech.

Pet Shop Boys -- "West End Girls" -- May 10, 1986

I've never liked this song and I've never really understood why. It's the kind of song I felt I should like. But I've always felt (since I noticed it as a teenager) that there was something missing. Now I know why: According to the Stereogum article about it, the band leader doesn't like rock n'roll, and is a pop critic. Oh. Some rock is exactly what this song needs. Without it, it's too cold and removed, and to me sounds smug. Also how can you be a pop critic and not like rock n' roll? That is a wrongness.

Whitney Houston -- "Greatest Love of All" -- May 17, 1986

Whitney Houston doesn't oversing on this song as much as usual, so that's good. Though she still oversings. What's not good are the music and lyrics. The music is bland as can be. Lyrically, it starts with "I believe the children are our future" and there's a verse about "the beauty they possess inside." Blargh.

Then after the first verse there's a total change in theme, going into how the narrator never found anyone to look up to. And that the "greatest love" is loving yourself and only depending on yourself and no one else. I despise this sentiment deep in my bones. Not of loving yourself -- though the song claims that's "easy to achieve," which is bollocks of the first order. Rather that you should only depend on yourself. That's literally inhuman. We are social creatures; without depending on each other, we are adrift in nothingness. So yeah. I hate this song.

Madonna -- "Live to Tell" -- June 7, 1986

This song gives me chills. The music is gorgeous and perfectly suited to the lyrics. I listened to the "True Blue" tape many, many times from about age 10 until, um. Well, I listened to the album on Spotify the other night. This song is the standout for me on it. I always thought that Madonna was singing about having been emotionally abused as a child herself. That is apparently not it at all; it's a song for a movie soundtrack. But to me it's about familial abuse. And always has been. It felt like she was singing for me. "The light that you could never see/ It shines inside, you can't take that from me."

Patti LaBelle & Michael McDonald -- "On My Own" -- June 14, 1986

Not the Les Miz song, sadly. It's about how the narrators are breaking up. Patti LaBelle is great, but I am so bored. Michael McDonald isn't bad, but he can't match Patti LaBelle, and even she can't stop this song from being deadly dull. It took me like 5 tries to be able to listen to the whole thing.

Billy Ocean -- "There'll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry)" -- July 5, 1986

What makes someone decide to put a parenthetical in a song title? Is there a formula? Anyway, he's singing (in his head) to someone he wants to be with. The "sad songs" are not actually supposed to be sad songs, it seems, but love songs that make him think of her. I guess. I don't know. Something about this song is turning my brain to mush. The tinkly parts and the violins are nice I guess. But I'm going to fall asleep at my desk if I try to listen to this song any more.

Simply Red -- "Holding Back the Years" -- July 12, 1986

Just looking at the lyrics, this song should be deeply depressing. He feels that so far his life has been a waste, but somehow he'll "keep holding on." There's a beautiful saxophone part. The song is not depressing -- it's Blues. It's terribly sad and cathartic at the same time. I'm not thrilled with Mick Hucknall's voice though.

Genesis -- "Invisible Touch" -- July 19, 1986

I did not pay attention to any of the lyrics of this song except the chorus until just now. I thought it was about a woman with an "invisible touch" whom people fall for left and right, and that's true. What I did not know was that she was supposed to be doing it on purpose. Which, okay, sort of like "Maneater"? Except no, because "Well I don't really know her, I only know her name." Then how do you know this about her?! He sounds like a stalker. Or this sounds like a first draft. The music is good enough, and the chorus could make for a good song around it lyrically, if they had bothered with that.

Peter Gabriel -- "Sledgehammer" -- July 26, 1986

I used to think this song was meant to be about a guy who was going to basically tank for you (and also have sex with you.) Well, apparently he wants to solve only one of your problems in particular: namely, that of your lacking orgasms. The "sledgehammer" is supposed to be a metaphor for his dick. Ow? Whatever, I'm going with my own interpretation of it. I like the beginning flute part, which is actually from a keyboard demo. It's a fun song, but it gets pretty repetitive.

Peter Cetera -- "Glory of Love" -- August 2, 1986

"We did it all for the glory of love" is a sentiment I usually adore. But this song is a limp dishrag. Did what for the glory of love? Why does she seem to be thinking of leaving him? And Peter Cetera being "the man who will fight for your honor" is a hilarious idea. His voice is nasally and he sounds like a faker. He comes off as someone who only vaguely understands the small-r romance of flowers and chocolates, and not at all as someone who understands the Romance of a castle far away. Bryan Adams did much better with this kind of thing in the 90s.

Madonna -- "Papa Don't Preach" -- August 16, 1986

The article I'm reading about this says there was a controversy over this song regarding abortion somehow, with left-wingers being upset that the narrator didn't consider it and right-wingers praising her for keeping the baby. Maybe in California. That is not what I remember in Michigan, and I do clearly remember a controversy. What I remember is right-wingers being absolutely incensed that Madonna was singing about the pregnancy of an unmarried young woman (or teenager, though I always felt the narrator was college-age) at all. I also remember one on the radio being angry that this working class girl was keeping her baby rather than giving it up to a rich family.

It is a really good song. Actually it is kinda Romantic. The narrator's in a dramatic life-changing situation, she has to choose whether or not to marry a guy before she's sure she's ready, and there are intense violins. Her father disapproves of her boyfriend, but she needs her father's advice. She's also not ashamed. She's in a difficult situation, but there's no guilt. Good. And this is what made so many people so angry with Madonna, and what was so deeply important about Madonna. She refused to even pretend to be guilty about sex in her music, ever.

Steve Winwood -- "Higher Love" -- August 30, 1986

I think this is about wanting to believe in a god. But then there's "I could make the sun shine from pure desire." Maybe it's about Aphrodite. Chaka Khan sings on this song, and she's obviously the best thing about it. It's not great, but it's enjoyable enough.

Bananarama -- "Venus" -- September 6, 1986

Speaking of higher loves. Bananarama are obviously having a wonderful time singing this 80s dance version of this song, and who wouldn't? The "she's got it" of the song of course also means "I've got it", hence "I'm your Venus." And Bananarama leans into that in a really fun way. It's a great version of a great song.

Berlin -- "Take My Breath Away" -- September 13, 1986

This is the big love ballad from Top Gun. I have managed to escape ever seeing Top Gun, though I've picked up some ideas about it. Mainly that it's a commercial for the U.S. air force, that Tom Cruise looks blank in it a lot, and that there's some kind of volleyball scene. Before I knew it was a commercial for the U.S. air force and therefore avoided it, I avoided it because of Tom Cruise. He has always been a total cold shower to me. As I've said since I started noticing these things (which was right around 1986), he reminds me of a Ken doll.

So the song. It sounds more like it belongs with a fantasy movie than in a modern military movie. Though I guess Top Gun is a fantasy too. But not the kind in which people usually look through hourglasses. It's a big, emotional ballad. I like it but I don't love it. If it weren't associated with Top Gun possibly I'd like it more.

Huey Lewis and the News -- "Stuck With You" -- September 20, 1986

This is a middle-aged man singing to his middle-aged wife about how he's "happy to be stuck with you." It's like if dad jokes became sentient and got married. It's cute and bouncy, and honestly pretty true-to-life. You can't be all higher love all the time.

Janet Jackson -- "When I Think of You" -- October 11, 1986

If "Nasty" had gotten to #1, it would have taken my "best of the year" spot. Sadly, it didn't, and this was Janet Jackson's first #1. "When I Think of You" is a really good song though. Janet Jackson is the best of the Jacksons and always was in every way. I think she was even a better dancer than Michael. (I don't know about "is", considering her age, but she's still a better artist.) "When I Think of You" is a very simple love song lyrically. When her "world gets crazy," she thinks of you to calm down. If this were easy listening, it would be unbearable. But it's a dance song, and a fun one. There's some great bass and interesting syncopation.

Cyndi Lauper -- "True Colors" -- October 25, 1986

This is such a beautiful song. It's helped me through some rough times ever since it came out -- the tape it's on was one of my first. It's straightforward in both lyrics and music, so there's not much to say about it besides that it's a great song.

Boston -- "Amanda" -- November 8, 1986

I am listening to this song now, and I don't recognize it. When they get to the chorus near the end it sounds kinda familiar, but I'm not sure that's because I recognize this song in particular, or because it sounds like every song like this in existence was put in a blender and this is the resulting slurry. Either this wasn't played on the radio much where I lived, or I changed the channel as soon as it was. It wants to be a power ballad, but it's an absolute nothing.

The Human League -- "Human" -- November 22, 1986

I guess it's an apology song, but "I'm only human" doesn't sit right with me as a real apology for something truly bad. He cheated on her. Which I do consider forgivable, depending on the circumstances and apology, but his is that she wasn't around so he was driven to cheat on her. And he should forgive her because he's "only human." Then the woman comes in and says she cheated on him too when they were apart, because she's human too. That makes the song tolerable. Maybe they need an open relationship. They still both sound whiny. And I don't like the music. It's boring and repetitive.

Bon Jovi -- "You Give Love a Bad Name" -- November 29, 1986

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART! AND YOU'RE TO BLAME! I love this song. Also I thought Jon Bon Jovi was hot at the time, though nowadays that 80s perm is hilarious. His voice is still hot though (so is he nowadays, grey hair and all, with his more contemporary haircut.) This song got plenty of radio play. Still does. And deserves it. It's technically a heartbreak song I suppose, but the video gets it right: It's Bon Jovi goofing around on stage in front of a joyous crowd. I love the bass, I love the guitars, and I did mention Jon Bon Jovi's voice is hot, right? Voices over looks every time for me, though both together is obviously welcome.

Peter Cetera and Amy Grant -- "The Next Time I Fall" -- December 6, 1986

Christian fundies had a deep and abiding hatred for Peter Cetera. Maybe they still do. I encountered this multiple times online over the years, and finally looked it up -- it's because of this song. Amy Grant used to be a singer of Christian music only. Then she had a pop hit with this dweeb, and certain usual suspects decided she was being corrupted by him.

The only way this song could corrupt anyone is if they started smashing things because they were so bored. The narrators have been heartbroken but are gonna try it again with each other, and it's as passionless as possible. Amy Grant's a better singer than Cetera by a ways, as she does not sing through her nose, but it's not like anyone could elevate this sludge.

Bruce Hornsby and the Range -- "The Way It Is" -- December 13, 1986

People are racist and treat poor people like shit. And people say that's just the way it is, but don't you believe them. This is true. We have come incredibly far, and things change. It's a good sermon, but as a song it's too simplistic for me, both musically and lyrically. I agree with the sentiment, but it's not a song I really want to listen to either.

The Bangles -- "Walk Like an Egyptian" -- December 20, 1986

Of course I loved this song when I was a kid, all the kids did. But I was already a Bangles fan. I had their first tape, which is their best and has the least pop sheen. I would prefer "Hero Takes a Fall" had been a big hit, but oh well. "Walk Like an Egyptian" is still fun.

BEST OF 1986 -- "These Dreams" by Heart WORST OF 1986 -- "Sara" by Starship

#billboard number ones

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