#showing the tender and tragic and wronged parts of someone without making it into an excuse

[lbhslefttiddie]

Could you talk a bit about how you plan out your longer fanfics? I’ve have a long fic I’ve been wanting to write, but I’m not sure how to plan/outline it, and I’d love to hear what your process is!!!

Mouse and the Thorn and Into This Wild Abyss had some very different things going on in the planning stage—it really came down to what kind of story i was telling and what was important for executing that!

(longish sowwy)

ITWA, from the moment i conceived it, revolved around sqq going through a largely preordained plot, and so i created a longass bullet list of all the major plot points and moved them around into the general order i felt it was best for them to happen. I generally kept the points brief and without flavour, lest it mess with the writing of the scene itself or I get bored of it before i even start. There was some variance in the writing stage, partially because i (cough) forgot to add several plot points in the originally planned spaces (see: xin mo), and partially because that's just sort of how it goes when you're actually feeling out a chapter, but the outline was like a guide that i would be able to pull back towards if i strayed too far, and allowed me to keep the end destination in mind, and keep track of important details. All told, the core aspects laid out in the outline didn't change much in the finished product. Frankly, it was huge relief to have that outline!! It definitely saved my ass many times. Truly a revelatory experience for me.

MotT, on the other hand, doesn't so much have a hard plot—lbh is currently 13 years old, before even the beginning of scum villain, so even the plot that comes built into this universe is a very distant thing. We basically just have a core cast of a few inextricably connected characters who are constantly influencing each other, and the "plot" is really just who is going through what character arc at this particular point in time.

Trying to create an outline would, to me, feel horribly rigid, when a lot of flexibility is necessary for something like this. Instead, i have a handful of cool scenes in my head, a general sense for where each character is at and where they're going, and it's just a matter of passing the mic around in a way that feels balanced for whatever arc we're in.

............It's worth mentioning that the way i've written/am writing MotT, while i think is for the best for this project, is also way fucking harder than how ITWA was planned and written. I've mentioned this before in passing i think, but on multiple occasions, i'll have written entire scenes out, and then need to push them back or move them around way more than anticipated because Something Else Needs To Happen First. (this also reflects in my art; the files are listed by date rather than chapter, and so some clusters of art are actually in backwards order--i did the art for what became ch 16 before 15, and 15 before 14)

It's not necessarily a problem, and I'm certainly enjoying myself, but this messy and fluid way of putting a story together straight up would not be possible if i did not already have a solid sense for pacing and balancing emotional elements. I'm absolutely certain that even a few years ago i would not have had the skill to write this fic without writing myself into a corner or rushing everything in a forced way or losing something important to the core of the story; i would go so far as to say this story is only possible because I wrote ITWA first.

I definitely would not recommend this strategy for your first longfic, personally. obviously, do what feels right for yourself, etc, and at the end of the day you should never let concerns of skill or experience stop you from writing the stories you want, but i think this process could, uh. Cause headaches. If you're out of your depth

[leejenowrld]

My loveeee !!🥺💗 I’m sorry but the number of asks I’ve written for this fic is getting out of hand😩. So you could also decided not to answer lol!

The knife-cutting tension you’ve built throughout this chapter is so unbearable but in the best way. You’ve captured that feeling of being haunted by someone who’s right there but so far out of reach, and it’s honestly devastating how deeply Jeno and Y/N’s connection still runs under everything. Every small touch, every glance, every wrong name. It all screams of how much they still own each other, even if they’re trying so hard not to.

The handwritten card moment, the way Y/N intentionally brushes his hand, the way it wrecks Jeno physically… that scene burned!! It’s so minimal and yet it holds so much weight because it’s the first time in a long time that she chooses to touch him, but also immediately reclaims her power by walking away without looking back. It’s brutal. It’s intoxicating. And you made me feel every drop of it!

The “what did you call me” scene absolutely devoureddd. The quiet way Nahyun reacts speaks volumes. It’s so clear without overexplaining that this isn’t the first time Jeno’s messed up like this. That Nahyun knows she’ll never really be enough to erase Y/n from him, but she stays anyway. Maybe because she’s pretending too, or maybe because she hopes one day it’ll change. Either way, it’s Nahyun, and so in my head I know she deserves to be put in her place.

But the way the night ends… godd!! Both Y/n and Jeno with someone else, both of them lost in people they’re only using to fill each other’s absence, trying to claw back some control over how broken they are… it’s tragic. The fact that even during those moments, they’re still aching for each other, still haunted by memories that no new body can erase… It’s brutal. It’s human. It’s raw.

Then comes the iconic pool sceneeee!! There’s something so brutally beautiful about that moment. You can feel how much has changed between Jeno and Y/N; they aren’t hiding behind pride or anger anymore. The touch, the aching closeness, all mirrors the emotional mess they’re drowning in. It’s not just about sex, or anger, or heartbreak, it’s about the gravity of a history neither of them ever really escaped. Every word, every accusation feels earned because it’s been boiling under the surface for so long. And now, it finally explodes in the most raw, human way.

I also love how you refused the easy path, how this didn’t end with sex, or a “fixed” version of their story. Instead, you stayed in the hard, ugly, tender parts: the grief, the resentment, the terrible wanting. You honored the pain without glamorizing it. You let them be honest, for the first time in what feels like years, even if honesty isn’t a cure. And that’s what makes it beautiful! It’s not about resolution. It’s about finally being seen. Fully, messily, devastatingly seen.

The maturity and growth you wrote into this explosion of emotion… it’s beautiful! It proves that even broken people can still reach for each other with trembling hands and broken hearts. And about how sometimes, the person who broke you is still the only place you know how to collapse.

In this chapter you didn’t just write a love story. You wrote the death of a love story, and showed how it keeps living in the ruins. And I think that’s what makes it so addictive and so painful to read. You get what it’s like when someone lives inside you long after the ending.

This hurt in the best way. Please don’t stop!!🫶🏼

-💕

please never apologise for sending asks like this, i treasure every single one. it genuinely makes writing back to you feel like a shared experience instead of something i’m just creating alone. your reflections are so thoughtful and alive, it means more than you know. me choosing not to answer would never be a choice you know that 😭😭 this is why you’re my fav anon cos when i do those posts asking ppl to send me asks you do listen to me lol, these are the exact types of asks i want !!!

you described the tension of this chapter perfectly — that unbearable, haunting feeling of being so close yet impossibly far from someone who still owns pieces of you. every wrong glance, every brush of contact, every name slipping out at the wrong time was meant to feel like a cut that never fully heals. the connection between jeno and y/n was never about clean lines. it was always raw, messy, inevitable. and now, after all the distance and all the attempts to move on, it still runs under everything like a fault line ready to crack.

the handwritten card moment was one of my favourite tiny explosions in this chapter because it is so minimal, but it carries everything. y/n chooses to touch him — consciously, deliberately — and the way it wrecks jeno says everything that words cannot. and then she reclaims her power by walking away without looking back. it is brutal because it shows that she could still have him if she wanted to. but wanting is not enough anymore. it never was. that moment needed to burn, and i am so happy you felt it the way it was meant to be felt.

the "what did you call me" scene was written with layers that barely needed words. nahyun's reaction — the way she freezes, absorbs it, and says nothing — speaks louder than any screaming match ever could. you are absolutely right that this is not the first time it has happened. she knows, deep down, that she will always be second place in jeno's heart. she stays anyway, clinging to the illusion, maybe hoping, maybe pretending, but always knowing. and jeno? jeno is too broken to even hide it properly anymore. they are both trapped in a lie that is already collapsing.

the ending of that night was one of the hardest things to write because it had to stay human. not glamorous, not easy. both jeno and y/n using other people to try and claw back some control, to try and feel less hollow, less haunted. it is tragic because it is real. when the person you love feels unreachable, sometimes the only thing you know how to do is hurt yourself trying to pretend you are over them. even in those moments of distraction, they are still searching for each other. still aching.

the pool scene felt like the inevitable crash after all the restraint. you described it so beautifully — they are no longer hiding behind pride or anger. the touch, the closeness, the explosive confrontation is about so much more than sex or blame. it is about the years of history, the memories that never stopped bleeding, the need to finally be seen even if it destroys them. every accusation is earned. every hurt is real. and for once, they stop pretending otherwise.

it was so important to me not to take the easy path. i could have written them falling into bed. i could have written a neat, intoxicating reunion. but that would have betrayed the story. this chapter was not about fixing them. it was about honoring the ruin. letting the grief be real. letting the pain breathe. letting them be honest with each other in a way they have not been in years, even if honesty does not equal healing. you said it so perfectly — it is not about resolution. it is about finally being seen.

the maturity and growth underneath the explosion matters so much. even though they are still broken, they are broken in ways that are conscious now. they reach for each other with hands that tremble. they hurt each other, but they do it without the childish cruelty of before. they are older, messier, but somehow still more true. because sometimes the person who broke you is still the only place you know how to collapse. sometimes love does not survive whole. sometimes it survives as memory, as longing, as ache.

you understood it exactly — this chapter was not just writing a love story. it was writing the death of a love story, and how that death keeps echoing long after the ending. loving someone even when the story is over. loving someone even when you both know you cannot go back. the ruins still breathing. the ghost still pulling at your hands.

thank you for feeling it all so deeply. thank you for seeing every beat i tucked into the silences. thank you for letting this story hurt you in the right ways. i promise i will not stop. there is so much more to come, and i am so grateful to be sharing it with you.

🫶🏼🩷

[happymeishappylife]

Update on my FMAB Journey

I have now finished part 1 and am now 3 episodes into part 2. I absolutely am loving the show despite its horribly tragic and partially devastating storylines and main theme. Its such a good way to show complex problems about what it means to help people and how the world order works that I find it really fascinating to think about. In fact my only minor complaint is now that I've entered part 2 and we have met new characters from Xing... sigh... Japan your racism is showing....

but I digress...

My favorite characters:

7. Jean Havoc

I really enjoy everyone in Mustang's unit, but Jean is the one who helps lighten the mood with his humor and that's appreciated. I also both love and hate how in a couple short episodes we go from, aw poor guy just got a girlfriend and now has to move, to OH DEAR LORD NO, DON'T DATE HER! So.... I'm hoping nothing bad happens to him.

6. Major Armstrong

Who doesn't love an incredibly strong man who also has a tender heart. His love for the Elric brothers is so touching and I love that they have him as ally. Plus he's smart enough to know something's wrong but to not tip his hand in his senior position so as to endanger himself. Still though.... why does he constantly have to take off shirt???

5. Riza Hawkeye

Honestly, Riza is just cool as fuck. She clearly is super smart and there's no question to her bravery because she's always ready to handle herself with a gun, even if sometimes its to save her colonel from being an idiot. I still know there is more to her and Roy's story, because there's no way you can know someone that well that you can act without talking in detail 99% of the time.

4. Izumi

Getting to meet the Elric's teacher was awesome. She's a freaking badass even if she is a bit mean a little too fond of corporal punishment, lol. Still, knowing that she too tried to commit the Alchemist's sin of human transmutation which is how she can conjure without a transmutation circle, means that once she excepted what happened to her students, she was willing to help. And it is nice to know the Elric's have more extended family in the world.

3. Ed and Al Elric

These two come as a pair because they are never really separated. I love the bond these brothers have, even when it is pushed to their limits. Ed's dedication to get his brother's body back after thinking he's ruined it, while also continuing to stand up to his beliefs of what should be right in the world is admiral. And while his anger can be silly, Al's sweet nature helps balance the two and that's why its so nice to see a good sibling relationship.

2. Winry Rockbell

I adore, adore, adore Winry. Not only is she a super talented mechanic and I love that she's the one who designs and mantains Edward's automail, she's a sweetheart with nerves of steel. The whole episode of her deciding to deliver a baby because it was the right thing to do and she had read about it in childhood, was super brave for a teenager to do. But I love that she charms everyone around her, including Edward even though she beats him up all the time for damaging his mail.

Before I talk about my favorite character, I have to admit the one that I thought I wasn't a fan of, but ultimately made me weep. And that was Colonel Hughes. Man...

I too thought he was annoying because he seemed so distracted from military protocol by his family. And while that was sweet, I didn't know how that would translate in a dangerous situation. But knowing he and Roy were close friends and that's partially why he annoyed Roy, but more importantly that he believes in Roy's mission to make the military better so that he would risk is life, is absolutely heartbreaking and admiral. I was not prepared for a death like that and now that I know that is a thing, I'm worried for all the characters.

But now....

My favorite character in FMA:B....

Is of course....

Roy Mustang I gave this man shit because the first two times we see him, he's yelling at icebergs and forgetting that he can't transmute in rain because he's a flame alchemist (I still don't know how you forget that, but still...) But OH MY GOD! I'm a sucker for a man who wants to do good and change a system and the bravery to do that from the inside is both courageous and nerve-wracking. Especially since we now know the humonculi's are watching him. But he is proving to be really smart about how he works the shadows and he also still prove how caring he is, since we learn he recruited Edward for State Alchemy and that he genuinely cares for the brothers. But he's also incredibly blunt and I find him hilarious. I absolutely loved him telling Jean that he had to breakup with his girlfriend without a second thought and how annoyed he gets with people who waste his time. But he is clearly going to play an important point in this story and I can't wait to see it. Plus, I really would love to see him fight in more than just a war flashback.

[mysoftboybensolo]

The Alienist and the Soprano

Chapter 12: The Courtship

A/N: This was inspired by Laszlo’s love of opera and my thought on what if he fell for an opera singer. Multi chapter. Canon divergence, there is no Mary Palmer here (I loved Mary and Laszlo, so I don’t feel like I could have her here and have him be with another woman). A mix of show and book canons. No Y/N, OC named Evelina Lind.

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32029150

Pairing: Laszlo Kreizler x Fem OC!

Summary: The last thing Laszlo Kreizler ever expected while investigating the death of children was to fall in love, and with an opera singer no less!

Warnings: Age gap, questioning of a relationship, but it gets resolved, hints of John x Sara (more of them will come in later chapters).

Laszlo didn’t quite know what to do when it came to courting. He himself had been so inexperienced in love and more so with social interactions that he feared that he’ll make one wrong move and ruin everything. It was one of those moments where he had to admit he knew nothing about the subject and must turn to someone who did.

John would never have thought in a million years that Laszlo would ever some to him for advice, and certainly not of the romantic kind. To see Laszlo looking rather on edge and uncertain gave John a small feeling of enjoyment as the roles have now been reversed, but he did not keep his friend suffering for long and entered the den.

“Thank you for meeting with me,” Laszlo spoke, “Especially on short notice.”

“That is probably the first time you had ever said that to me in all the years we’ve known each other. You must need my help badly.”

“I fear that I do. I-I have asked Evelina if I may officially court her.”

John’s eyes brightened with joy. “Laszlo, that is wonderful! She is indeed a remarkable woman.”

Laszlo smiled and nodded in agreement. “I have never felt this way about anyone, and I am afraid. I am afraid that I shall say or do something wrong and after everything that had happened in the previous days, the last thing I would want to do is cause any further scandal.”

John chuckled and teased, “If you want her to be scandal free, then she picked the wrong man.” John quickly realized what a mistake his choice of words was as he saw the visible hurt in his friend’s eyes. “I am sorry, I was only joking. It is amusing to see you like this though, because last I recall you had some choice words about love. Dull, no more than a mystery than cholera.”

He watched as Laszlo’s mood lightened as he recalled back on his own words and shook his head. “And I did believe them. Or at least, I wanted to believe them. She changed my mind. John,” he asked in a somber tone, “Do you think I am wrong to do this?”

John stared at him perplexed. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just, I am forty and she is just shy of her twenty-fifth birthday, a whole life ahead of her full of possibilities, and I feel like I am taking something away from her, especially with…” He doesn’t say the words, but his habitual gesture of left hand gripping the right wrist finished the sentence.

“Laszlo,” John sighed, “You two are not the first couple to have a difference in age, and many more have had even larger gaps then you do. And I resent the idea of you being too old, because it means I am as well, and I should like to think I am not too old for love!”

Laszlo offered a small smile, but a part of him knew that his relationship did mirror a bit with John’s feelings towards Sara, even though John was with Violet. That was something that Laszlo felt grateful in, not to be a situation where he is tied to one but loves another.

“And by now, she knows about your arm,” John continued, “I am sure that if she had thought less of you because of it, she would have left. Let us be honest, if she hadn’t left after her first meeting of you, then I am certain she is never going to leave. And I shall now share with you a lesson that I had learned a rather difficult way; never tell a woman what to feel, even if you do think she ought to feel differently.” John reached over and placed a friendly hand on Laszlo’s shoulder and grinned. “No one deserves to be happier than you, after everything that has happened, you deserve it. Take it, my friend, and enjoy it.”

Laszlo was touched by these words and knew John meant it. “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’d say that.”

“My god, Laszlo,” John chuckled, “If being in love placates you, then you must do it more often.”

“I intend to. But what do I do? I mean, what is it that people do when they court?”

John explained the socially proper rules of courting, such as never be alone with her without someone being there, places where they be together, gifts you can and cannot give, etc. Many of these rules made Laszlo roll his eyes, for they were built on patriarchal beliefs that did more harm than good, but overall, when he left John’s place, he felt comfortable to move forward in the relationship.

Evelina had felt herself on cloud nine, for it felt that everything was falling into place at last. The feeling of his kiss still lingered on her lips and it was like a drug that had prolonged effects, for even the stares and whispers that people made when she passed them hadn’t even bothered her. The party at the Roosevelt’s tonight should be able to help with that, especially with Edith Roosevelt in your corner, who had happily accepted Evelina into the party as soon as she saw her.

“Oh, my dear, you are just the loveliest creature ever, love suits you very well.”

Evelina blushed and asked, “Is it obvious?”

“Beautifully so. He’s over by the fireplace, his usual spot in events such as this,” Edith said, giving her a coy smile, knowing she’d want to go to him.

Because of how late the rehearsals went, Evelina had told Laszlo to go on ahead and she’ll meet him there, so this was the first they would see each other after the kiss, and they came together sweetly and shyly. “Good evening, Laszlo, did you sleep well?”

“Quite well, I had the most pleasant dream,” he softly spoke, looking down at her with such a tender love that he could see reflected in her eyes.

“A result from a rather wonderful moment from the previous night?” she asked, knowing full well that was the reason why, she just wanted to hear him say it.

“There can be no other reason.”

The party went extremely well, and Evelina had to say that Laszlo was a good sport, she knew how uncomfortable he can get at social events, which was partially the reason why he stuck close to Evelina. The other reason was because he just adored her so. It was quite apparent to everyone in the room by the end of the night, and many thought it a good match; economically, she will be married to a man who is one of the wealthiest people in New York, socially, he is less irritable when around her. Personally, they loved each other so much.

Laszlo was indeed right, people would move on from one scandal to another, as a week later it was revealed that a prominent society lady was having an affair with her stable hand, and everyone went mad over it. People still looked down at her for her profession, but she brought up a good point during one of their meetings, of how despite people looking down at the profession, they still come to her to hear the music they love.

“It comes from a need to control and a deeper level of jealously,” Laszlo said, “If they see someone that they can put down, then they will as it will make themselves feel important. But they also know that they need that person to provide a need they cannot get themselves, which can cause a sense of jealously and hostility and make them react in such a way. They try to convince themselves that the ones lesser than them need the higher class to survive, but the truth is, the society needs the workers more than the workers need them.” Laszlo opened his mouth to continue, but he noticed how Evelina looked at him and wondered if he spoke too much. “I’m sorry. I tend to go on rambling about such things.”

“Don’t apologize, it was fascinating. I like hearing you speak about such things; it only teaches me something new, but to see you go on about something that you enjoy, it makes me happy.”

Often people have told Laszlo that they didn’t care about his work, that his ramblings about facts, big or small, were not so interesting, and to hear that she not only enjoys it, but likes how it makes him happy, well, that made him even happier.

What made their courtship so different from everyone else’s was how open they were with one another. Laszlo certainly made it no secret that he did not approve of the standard norms of society, which is why he did things so differently, and while to some it would be an improper error, Evelina felt that they should not have to hide how they felt. Most unions were made for the sole purpose of advancement in society, but this one was an affair of the heart. But despite how they felt about these rules, they also knew that there were some rules that could not be breeched. Laszlo visited her when he knew Sara was home to “keep watch” over the pair, which meant she’d be in the next room typing away at her machine while Laszlo and Evelina had the freedom of being alone.

Mrs. Vidal had also played chaperone at the opera, watching with a careful but affectionate eye as Laszlo visited after the show. The first time he came by was after the premiere of Roméo and Juliette, having watched her fall in love, despair and die, all so tragically and beautifully. He looked down at her from his box with incredible pride and adoration, and what he couldn’t believe was that at the end of the show, when she was giving her final curtain call, she looked up at him and gave a small but noticeable gesture of blowing a kiss to him. No one else caught it, between the gesture being subtle and they so enraptured, but Laszlo noticed, and it warmed his heart.

He went down to her dressing room after the show, pushing through the usual crowd of admirers and was allowed the privilege of a private audience with the prima donna.

“Laszlo!” she happily exclaimed, rushing to wrap her arms around him, which caused him to gasp but chuckle as he returned the hug. “Did you like the show?” she asked with her face pressed against his chest.

“Oh, meine liebe, you were perfection itself.”

She pulled back enough to look up at him, with a look of pleasant surprise. “Laszlo, do you realize that you just called me by a term of endearment?”

He thought back and then apologized. “Oh, I hadn’t realized. I am sorry if you don’t like it.”

“Oh no!” she disagreed cheerfully, “I love it. I like to be called your love. But what shall I call you?”

Laszlo chuckled at her sweetness, “Whatever you like, I suppose.”

“It’ll come to me. Such a thing must come naturally, as it did with you. The company is having a party, Delmonico’s, your favorite. Please be my escort?”

He kissed her hand and declared it to be a pleasure and left her to get ready as he waited in the hall. Evelina watched as Laszlo pushed through the crowd and couldn’t help but to laugh at the thought of him getting lost in the crowd.

Maria, still in her nurse costume, was pushing through the crowd of men when she bumped into Dr. Kreizler was confused as to why he was down here. Managing to get through, she entered the room and quickly went to Evelina who was laying on the couch with her eyes closed. “Evelina, are you alright?”

Evelina opened her eyes and sat up with a smile. “Yes, shouldn’t I be?”

“Well, no, of course not, but I saw the doctor leave and I was worried.”

Evelina got up and went to her vanity with a smile. “No, I am perfectly well. Better than well, actually.”

“Good. Listen, I was thinking of us entering Delmonico’s in style. Be fashionably late and-”

Evelina gently interrupted and said, “I am sorry, Maria. But I am going with someone else.”

Maria was at first disappointed, then she perked up when a thought came to her. “Is it the same man of whom you have feelings for?”

Evelina began to wipe the stage makeup off as she nodded. “Yes. We managed to finally express our feelings for each other and he’ll be taking me tonight.”

“Well, don’t leave me in suspense, who is it?”

She opened her mouth to answer, but then closed it. “No, you’ll laugh.”

“Laugh, why would I laugh? Evie,” Maria placed both hands on her friend’s shoulders, making her look at her, “I promise, if I laugh, I’ll lend you my ruby and pearl earrings for the evening. Now, please, tell me?”

Evelina sighed, then said, “It’s Dr. Kreizler.”

Maria paused for a moment, her hands slipped from Evelina’s shoulders and a quizzical look came over her features. “Dr. Kreizler. The alienist?” Maria watched as Evelina nodded. “Huh.”

“Oh, stop it, I know you want to laugh,” Evelina muttered, standing as she tossed her towel on the vanity.

“No, not at all. I am perplexed, to say the least. He is indeed quite good looking and is more well off than Mr. Moore could ever hope to be, and he is older, but so is Moore. It’s just, well, Dr. Kreizler always just seems so…distant and harsh, and you two seem so different from one another. What on earth do you see in the man?”

Evelina’s face softened and an almost dreamy haze overcame her. “Oh, if you only knew. He puts on the air of being steely strong and mean, yet, if you could see him with the children, he’s remarkable, tender, loving. He suffered but only wants to help others avoid what he went through. He’s witty, humorous, brave. And his thinking is so modern, so unlike most men I have known. He believes in women having just as much rights as men, including holding their own jobs and casting votes. He’s wonderful.”

Maria whistled. “Well, in that case, I may just fall in love with him myself.”

“Hands off, I saw him first,” Evelina teased, smiling back at Maria.

“Oh, all right. I suppose I’ll have to settle for Ramon, the tenor,” Maria teased back. Then her smiled turned tender and asked, “But, you are happy with him? Truly?”

Evelina nodded. “Yes, incredibly so. We may not be so similar, but we are similar in where is counts.”

“And that is all that matters,” chimed in Mrs. Vidal. “It’s rather best you do not end up with someone who is completely like you, otherwise, neither of you will push the other to do better, and on the bad days, you’ll hate the flaws of yourself that you see reflected in the other. Dr. Kreizler is a fine man and any man who would risk his life the way he did for you, that is a man worth keeping.” Giving her a kiss on the cheek, Mrs. Vidal said, “You are very lucky, some of us never find the right one, enjoy him while you can.”

Maria smiled, seeing her friend looking so happy was wonderful, especially after the horror she had to endure, and if it was a man like Kreizler, who not only came to her aid but also made Evelina smile, then it was worth it. “Hear, hear! And speaking of, I should leave you to get dressed, can’t keep him waiting.” Maria stood and bopped the end of Evelina’s nose. “I am very happy for you. I’ll, see you at the party,” she called out from over her shoulder.

As Evelina got ready, all she could think of was how lucky she was that not only did she find a good man to love, but that the dearest people in her life liked him too. She almost wept to think that her parents could not be alive to have met him, but she knew that they would have liked him and would have wanted her to be happy. And she knew that she’ll never stop having her heart skip a beat, for when she stepped out after changing and saw him standing there, waiting for her, it was like falling in love all over again.

If people had not known that Laszlo and Evelina were a couple, then tonight had put everything to rest. People stared amazed at the sight of Laszlo walking Evelina into Delmonico’s, especially the opera company, who never saw this coming. It was of course not an unusual practice of a singer taking on the patronage of a wealthy person, but they of all the months that they had spent working alongside Evelina, she never seemed to be the kind to do this sort of thing. The highbrows of society had simply nodded their heads and declared that they had fully expected this of her.

But what changed it from being simply seen as an arrangement to an honest to goodness courtship was seeing that the pair had matched in their flowers; in his lapel, was a lovely boutonniere of violets which matched the same corsage she wore pinned to the front of her dress. It was a spur of the moment decision, as they had passed a flower seller on their way and picked matching flowers that had a very strong and important meaning “faithfulness”.

At this point, they both decided that society could look at them with judgmental glares and harsh whispers all they want, but nothing was going to stop this miraculous feeling of being in love. And if anyone did, Sara would happily get into a fisticuff with the person, as she strongly vowed to the pair. As much as she was very happy to see them together, it did make her feel a little left out, and her gaze fell to John, with a sense of longing that she never could allow herself to admit. It was hard not to see herself reflected in Evelina and her relationship with Laszlo, after all, it was what Sara had imagined being with John might be like.

But it was too late.

Tagging: @monsieurbruhl​, @cazzyimagines​ @scuttle-buttle​ @violetmuses​ @flutterskies​ @sokoviandelights​ @rumblelibrary​ @fictionlandslanddreams​ @somethingthatsaysbubbles​ @alindeluce​ and  @barnesxnobles

[babyybitchhh]

Thotty Thursday: Part 2

The second installment of Thotty Thursday is upon us. Rejoice, heathens!

Now, let me just say that I’m picking dudes at random while trying to keep things balanced between old shows and new ones but ... y’all really bout to notice some patterns the more we do this so I’m just gonna wait for someone to call me out tbh. 😰

FYI, I like to think of myself as an equal opportunist thirster and if a dude is hot then he’s hot. I’m not one to question this shit. But when you get right down to it I have like four types: high IQ smarty pants, dummy thicc, dad and bad boy bastard. Our next snack belongs in the last category, without question.

He’s honestly prettier than me and that is not an exaggeration but don’t let his good looks fool you

This Arabian Nights styled dime piece has a mean streak a mile wide. Because of Reasons, ofc, but that don’t change the facts

Not only did he once punch a child in the face for no other reason than to assert his dominance (fact) he also pretended to cry in front of the person he hates most just to laugh about how they fell for his (flawlessly executed) act

He honestly may or may not have a few screws loose but that’s part of the appeal, you see. It adds a dash of spice to the meal

And you know what they say about crazy bitches in bed 😏

Full disclosure, I started reading Magi: Labyrinth of Magic before the anime aired and his name was originally translated as Judal so that’s what he’s always going to be in my mind. The official translation is Judar, and I respect that, but at the end of the day I do not know her

Judar who?

Can I also just take a moment to point out that gloriously long, thick braid he’s sporting tho

This man has hair for days and there’s just something I find incredibly attractive about that

I want to take it all down and carefully comb through it, play with it and style it again 

Really show him the attention he deserves

If he decided to suffocate me with it, well, I guess I wouldn’t complain about that either

Now, the setting alone had my interest PIQUED right out the gate because I love Middle Eastern inspired aesthetics and I truly don’t think it’s utilized as a setting half as much as it deserves to be. It’s very beautiful imo and the anime team did a pretty good job of capturing that vibe but if I’m being honest I think the manga was better (up to a point)

However there ain’t nothing quite like seeing your man move on screen or hearing his voice with your own two ears and when I say Judal put on a show each time he showed up ... 🥵

I think I can safely say my pussy clenched whenever I got so much as a whiff of him possibly making an appearance, PHEW

He’s just so pretty and mean

My favorite combo tbh

“But why do you like mean boys so much 🤔?” You ponder aloud and my answer to that is “I don’t know. I just do.”

Judal gets my kitty purring for a variety of reasons but the biggest is probably that I can’t look at him without imagining myself as his feisty little slave girl, wearing nothing but sheer silk and delicate gold chains, completely at his mercy ...

Oops, did I say that out loud? 😳

I mean, can you really blame me when he’s running around in those baggy harem pants though?? Can you really???

So the first thing you probably thought was: damn. This guy kinda dressed like a thot 👀

And you’re not wrong

Does he HAVE to dress like that? Strictly speaking, no. But I am definitely not complaining about his fashion choices

His titties are so close to popping out of that tiny little shirt that we’d be getting nip slips left, right and center if he had any more meat on his bones than that and trust me when I say he did that shit on purpose

This boy is SUCH a fucking tease and he loves the attention it gets him - first and foremost because he’s used to being the CENTER of attention but we’ll get more into that a little bit later

Hes just a tad 👌 narcissistic, loves to show off, definitely bipolar and is in a constant state of feeling himself so he’s hitting all his marks as far as I’m concerned

In short, he’s perpetually oozing big dick fuck boy energy and I live for it

That’s why he’s always showing up with that stank ass attitude, he knows damn well he can pull the baddest bitch around AND her man too

He’d fuck you and your boyfriend at the same time just to prove a point, that’s actually how petty he is

Honestly though I’d like to see ANYbody maintain their resolve when he’s laying on the charm and Judal’s just cruel enough to do it for shits and giggles

Probably wakes up in the middle of his sprawling imperial bed at two in the afternoon and says something like “damn, I need a little pick me up today” and then proceeds to manipulate and harass his lucky unfortunate victim of choice

He’s relentless too and will stop at absolutely nothing to get what he wants, even if that means breaking you in the process

Again, I like the challenge he represents

But also I just like a man who can make me cry 🤷‍♀️

And I don’t doubt he absolutely would. Tears probably turn him on tbh and I’m positive he’s got a bit of a yandere streak too

Are y’all seeing those patterns yet??

So did you guys notice that wand he keeps twirling around like a goddamn baton?

He’s a magic user, or in this case a magi which means he’s literally at the top of the food chain in this universe

He’s special special

Every ounce of confidence he has is rightfully deserved and even tho he’s not the strongest per say, he IS extremely powerful and his destiny as a magi is to influence the world

THE WHOLE ASS WORLD YA’LL

That’s why he’s got such a big fucking ego

I promise these aren’t major spoilers, so you don’t have to worry about that

When he was still a (too precious for words) child, he was abducted by an evil cult so that they could manipulate him and use his powers to influence shit in a bad way. The exact details of what they did to him are hazy, but based on the snippets we did get it seems like they basically put Judal on a pedestal and raised him as if he were some kind of god or a king

I’m talking waiting on him hand and foot, giving him whatever he wanted, essentially worshiping him and using persuasive mind control magic to convince him that he’s the best thing to happen since sliced bread

And it worked

Can you tell exactly how fucked up this kid is right now

Keep in mind here that I’m not saying his screwed up personality isn’t the result of some seriously bad mojo

Magi are supposed to be what tips the scales of fate in this setting which, generally, means for the betterment of the world and this whack ass cult pointedly steered him down a path he otherwise would not have gone

But it’s this tragic past of his that really brings the whole package together

He could be a mean pretty boy for no other reason than because he wants to and I’d still drop into a split on his cock

I like mean for the sake of mean too

It’s just that knowing what made him the way he is gives us the perfect amount of insight to truly feel sympathetic despite all the bad shit he has done and will continue to do

Personally, it makes me want to be the one to show him genuine, tender affection no matter how much he’s initially appalled by the mere suggestion so in a lot of ways it’s similar to how I feel towards Hiei

But that doesn’t mean I want him to change and start being n - 🤢 start being nice - 🤮

He’s perfect just the way he is and there’s just something about big, confident egos that gets me going like little else

And Judal seems to truly believe he’s the greatest gift the world has ever received and he’s not wrong about that imo so yeah he definitely has an attitude problem

But that also means he’s a spoiled brat tho and he’s definitely one of those dudes who needs to be dommed on occasion to really get the full experience 👀

I am not too shy to pin him down and milk his cock for all it’s worth, that is all I’m saying fam

And can I just point out how breathtakingly gorgeous he’d look all flushed and sweaty, whimpering like a needy little bitch in heat while having his prostate relentlessly teased for hours on end?

Goodness, it suddenly got HOT in here, is that just me??? 💦

Ofc the only way that’s gonna happen is if he allows it - which I don’t see being a common occurrence - but that’s why you gotta take advantage of that shit when it does 👀

On the topic of Judal being spoiled, I want to mention that there are actually TWO very different backdrops that I can thot around with him in, and I like that

There’s the fantasy Middle East setting ofc which I personally can’t get enough of

I’m wearing the slave girl Leiah outfit in my mind right now btw

But he also spends a lot of time in this worlds version of ancient China complete with all the dramatic robes and elegant architecture to really set the mood

He has an entire imperial palace on lock and if that doesn’t get you even a little bit horny then idk what to tell you

The royal family for the most part treats him like one of their own despite not being related in any way, if that tells you exactly how much clout he pulls in this setting, and even tho they’re essentially using him for their own gain Judal doesn’t seem to mind it one bit

He likes being at the top and having the freedom to do whatever he wants so if that means doing a little dirty work for the Kou Empire then so be it

And I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be a ride or die on these little errands

Like, just imagine this pretty boy pulling up to you on his flying carpet (that’s not a joke or something I just pulled out of my ass btw) and asking if you want to come back to his crib for some fun

You say yes, because you might be a thirsty slut but you’re certainly not STUPID

And he straight up takes you to a fucking palace

Be honest with me guys, how fast do the panties come off tho?

Be real with me here

This is actually just the plot of Aladdin but with the gender roles reversed 🤣

Fr fr though, A Whole New World plays softly in the back of my mind every time I think about this dude, except it’s much darker and ... explicit 😏

But my point here is that Judal’s got basically everything he could ever possibly want so he really just needs a pretty little concubine at his side to complete the picture

And I dead ass feel like it should be ME

When I say this man could get it ....

OOF

He is TROUBLE in its purest form and I regret nothing about my choice in fictional men

Absolutely nothing

He could honestly fuck me up seven ways to Sunday and I’d thank him for the honor

Spit on me, king. Please. I don’t need nothing else to sustain me

Unless you want to throw some of that choice dick in for free? 👀

Lord  have MERCY

[wordsandwickedthings]

Break my heart again

“kissed me half a decade later, that same perfume, those same sad eyes.”

Draco was Harry's first crush, and later his first kiss. their adolescent relationship full of repression and secrets - from the world, from each other; the tension between the two boys building and building. And inevitably tension must release or shatter. Harry just didn't know he could shatter twice.

inspired from break my heart again by Finneas. 

warnings: swearing? angst? 

a lot has happened since my last fic, and i cannot describe in words how fucking angry i am at the police and just the system in generals. if you have the means i encourage you to donate to the victims families and black lives matters charities.  

---

There are somethings in life we cannot escape; heartache is one of them. And heartache had a way of fallowing Harry through life like a ghost. No matter how far he ran, no matter how hard he fought – Harry Potter was haunted. And nothing haunted him quite like Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy. Harry’s first crush, whether his adolescent mind was willing to admit it at the time or not. He was snarky, sarcastic, and far too dramatic for young harry to deal with – and he was all the teen thought about at night.

Harry tried to keep the feelings that burned in him to himself. He knew there was a shame to it, not just because Draco was a boy, but because he was Draco. Shitty, self-absorbed, evil Draco. He was not someone who held a high status in the chosen boy’s head; but that didn’t stop the blonde from being in his head. all. The. Damned. Time.

The chosen boy tried so hard to keep his secret, but it came crashing down like Harry always knew it would. No secret can hold forever.

Draco had cornered him in an abandoned hallway and shoved him against a wall, wand pointed at him. His goons weren’t with him for once, the two nemeses were alone. Harry hated being alone with him, when they were alone, he couldn’t focus on anything else besides the blonde – the blonde who had murder in his eyes.

“you think your clever, potter?” Draco growled.

Harry tilted his head like a dog, “I’m cleverer than you.”

“I know it was you who told Dumbledore I was in the forbidden section.”

“how would I know you were in the forbidden section,” Harry challenged, “it’s forbidden.”

The marauder’s map came in handy sometimes, no matter how petty the cause.

Draco pushed him further into the wall, “you’re putrid.”

Harry ignored the flutter deep in his gut, and laughed, “and you’re vile, what’s your point?”

“Why do I put up with you?” the blonde practical screamed.

“I don’t know,” the chosen one yelled back, “why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“maybe I don’t want to!”

Both boys were silent after that, Harry’s heart racing as fast as his mind was.

He couldn’t think, so out of instinct he slammed his lips against the other boys, ignoring how Draco’s wand pressed into the vein in his neck. Harry didn’t know how long their lips touched. a second? Maybe two? Before Draco pushed him away, a look of shock on his face.

Fuck.

Harry closed his eyes as Draco ran away, he couldn’t breathe – fuck fuck fuck.

The two boys avoided each other for weeks after that, and the chosen boy almost preferred it that way, not matter how strange it felt. Harry waited for Draco to tell the whole school what happened in the hallway, too mock him, too sneer at him. It never came, though; Draco didn’t seem to acknowledge the fact that Harry existed at all. The chosen boy didn’t know how to feel about that. For so long he wanted Draco to just leave him alone, even if in the back of his mind he reveled in the attention he got from the other boy. But now, Draco’s eyes on him, Harry felt wrong – like a part of his world had crumbled away overnight.

Until one night when Harry was sneaking out to get some air. The weeks of Draco’s silence was getting to him, and no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, he missed Draco’s annoying presence every day.

Once again Draco found him in an abandoned hallway; It felt all too familiar when Draco pushed him up against the wall, but instead of pressing his wand to the chosen one’s neck, he pressed his mouth against Harry’s.

After that, the two boys kept a different secret. A secret that hid itself in towers and the room of requirement. A secret he shared with another through glances and inside jokes while the rest of the world watched – and when no one watched a secret the two boys reveled in.

It was a secret that burned differently from its former.

But it still burned.  

“what do you think your father would say if he could see us now?”

Draco didn’t look up from his parchment, “whatever curse he could think of first.”

“he hates me.” Harry fiddled with his fingers. He had completely abandoned his essay.

“I hate you.”

“you have a funny way of showing it.”

Draco put down his assignment, crawling up to harry until they were nose to nose. The chosen one lifted his head up to kiss him, but Draco pulled away before he could. There was a look in his eye that Harry couldn’t pinpoint, and harry didn’t like it. “don’t make this out to be something it’s not.”

Harry scrunched his nose, “what is it not?”

“Love,” Draco said, like it was nothing, “infatuation, tenderness, feelings.”

“feelings,” Harry echoed.

“we don’t have to dress this up and make it look nice.”

“why are you saying this shit?” harry pushed the other boy off him, standing up.

“what,” Draco frowned, “did you think we were doing?”

“I didn’t –“ harry wiped his palm over his face, trying to articulate himself. “I don’t think we’re doing anything, Draco. I just thought maybe we weren’t enemies anymore.”

Draco took a breath, closing his eyes, “that’s all we’ll ever be.”

Harry tried to keep his voice even when he said, “then what’s the fucking point of this?”

The chosen boy had a rule; no matter how far things went with Draco, no matter how deep the other boy took him – he would not hurt over him. He wouldn’t let Draco break him.

“why does there have to be a point?” the Slytherin furrowed his eyebrows. “why can’t we just forget for a while?”

“forget what?”

“all of it,” Draco whispered, moving so they were close again.

Harry nodded, “if you’re going to use me,” harry said, frowning, “at least have the decency to not remind me how much you despise me.”

“I’m a lot of things,” Draco reached out and tugged at one of Harry’s curls, the other boy didn’t like how his touch stung, “I’m not a liar.”

“I think that’s all you are.” Harry spat.

Draco pulled away, and the chosen boy felt triumph in the way his voice shook a bit, “we were stupid to do this.”

That wasn’t something harry expected.

“what?”

“I should have known this was a fucking bad idea,” Draco looked at him like he was nothing, and in that moment, Harry believed it. “and it’s over.”

Harry furrowed his brow, “yeah, uh, that’s probably for the best.”

 The chosen one looked back at that time with mixed feelings now that he was all grown up. The way hate and love burned in him with every touch the other boy gave him – everything the other boy took away.

The war was over, and despite how harry though it would play out, he was alive. He was alive and had no idea what he would do next; he didn’t think he would get this far. People wanted him to be an Auror – he was the savior of the wizarding world, of course people wanted him to be the one to protect them. Harry didn’t know if that was what he wanted though; he had spent his whole childhood fighting (even when he didn’t want to) he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life fighting too.

So, harry spent most of his nights at the hog’s head’s bar, drinking and trying to forget – even if it was just for a moment – what was expected of him.

And one-night Harry swore he saw a ghost.

It wasn’t a ghost though; it was Draco Malfoy. Harry didn’t expect to see him at Hogsmeade; harry didn’t expect to see him anywhere, really – the Malfoy’s had left England after the war, and after Lucius was put in Azkaban.

Harry ducked his head down; fuck, fuck, fuck.

He didn’t need confrontation now.

Draco saw him though, sliding into the chair next to him and whistling at the bar tender to get him a beer. Harry couldn’t breathe, he felt like he did when he was a child, downing his drink to give him something to do while his mind raged between his ears.

“scared, potter?” Draco finally said when he got his beer.

Harry chuckled, “you’re not very scary Draco.”

“could’ve fooled me by the way you’re shrinking into yourself.”

“figured it’s the polite thing to do,” harry said, pushing his glass forward to let the bartender fill it up. “neither of us need a reminder.”

Draco snorted, “well now we have one, so what’s the point of dancing around.”

“I’m sorry about your father,” Harry replied without thinking.

He could tell Draco wasn’t expecting that, taking a pregnant pause before saying, “so maybe we should dance around a few things.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Harry flexed his hands, “I mean, I am sorry. It’s just – I didn’t want,” he sighed, “I tried to help.”

Draco brought the drink to his mouth, “yeah, I heard. I also heard you’re the reason I’m a free man.”

The ex-chosen one shrugged, muttering, “you threw me my wand.”

“I threw you your wand and suddenly every monstrous act help with is suddenly forgiven.”

“Draco,” harry tried.

“Don’t,” Draco said, “don’t act like you fucking know me because we use to kiss when we were silly little kids.”

Harry leaned against the bar, not making eye contact with the blonde in front of him, “we won, Draco. We don’t have to fight anymore.”

“you won.”

“Draco you are not,” the ex-chosen one deflated.  

He didn’t answer, instead ordering a shot.

Harry fallowed suit, and soon the tension between the two boys faded into drunk reminiscing. They laughed and talked about Hogwarts and their lives before and after, until the bar rang its last call.

Harry rubbed at his eyes, “where are you staying?”

Draco smiled, “are you propositioning me, potter?”

“tragically,” harry slurred, pulling Draco out of his seat, “only for a com - companion on the walk.”

“mmm, yes, tragic.”

Draco didn’t actually tell Harry where they were going, just stumbled out of the pub and started walking down the street with the raven-haired boy fallowing him like a puppy.

When Draco started to stumble more and more, Harry wrapped his hand around the other boy’s bicep to steady him, tugging his sleeve up enough to see his mark. Harry shot his head up, the drunk haze of his mind racing as he tried to keep his mouth shut.

It didn’t work, it never worked.

“You still have your mark.”

Draco looked at him, clearly not all there. “yeah,” he mumbled, “turns out that kinda magic is hard to undo.”

“tell me about it,” Harry said, scratching at his forehead.

“do you remember when I got it?” the other boy said out of the blue. “I have never seen you… you angrier.”  

“I was hoping maybe I could convince you to be on my side instead.”

Draco’s eyebrows furrowed, his silence weighing.

He finally said, “I wish I’d let you save me.”

“you were just a kid, Draco. A kid who had his entire life decided for him by people he trusted, and you were brave enough to walk away.”

Draco stopped Harry from walking, using his shoulders to balance himself, “I should have fought with you,” he dug his fingers into the fabric of the other boy’s shirt, “I should have stayed with you.”

“it doesn’t matter anymore now,” harry whispered, without thinking pulled Draco closer, “what we did doesn’t matter anymore.”

“it’s so easy to say that when what you did was save the world.”

Harry tugged his bottom lip in between his teeth, “I couldn’t save everyone though.”

Draco nodded, closing the space so their foreheads were pressed together. Harry sucked in a breath, becoming to acutely aware how long its been since the two boys had been properly close to one another.

“I’m sorry,” Draco whispered, “I’m sorry for everything I did.”

Harry didn’t get a chance to respond, Draco pressing his mouth to the other mans.

They didn’t kiss like teenagers anymore; both more aware of where to put their lips and their hands. The two men melded their actions together into a rhythm. They should be stumbling more, harry thought, they hadn’t done this in years – they shouldn’t fit together this well.

Draco pulled away to catch his breath, pulling harry into the inn with him.

 Harry woke alone that next morning; in a bed that wasn’t his, and a headache that was unbearable. Draco was no where to be found.

Harry dragged himself so he was sitting up, rubbing his eyes. He was trying to stay calm, but all of that was thrown out the window when harry twisted his head and saw a piece of paper placed delicately where Draco had been the night before.

All it said was sorry, potter.

The ex-chosen one locked his jaw.

Again, he thought, rubbing his hand against the stubble of his chin, he let that boy pull him in again just to shatter him.

“you had one rule, chosen boy.” He whispered to himself.

He apparated home.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02 (ep,7), Part 1

Tohru & the cracked mask:

Tohru wears masks in front of both the characters within the show & the viewers. we rarely sense sth is wrong with her. In the new years ep, we never knew until Hana told us & Kyo in the last ep. Thanks to hiro, tohru is still dwelling in her mom issues. she’s now super sensitive that she hurt others which scares her. This fear takes her off guard & shes drop her mask momentarily being at loss on how to cover up her feelings, awkwardly using words & actions to cover up her slip up. Lucky for her, they all brush it off as tohru being tohru. Aside from hiro’s guilty conscious &. Mr. Detective Cat, (specializing in Rice-ball cases). 

-Kyo approaches Tohru casually, sits comfortably & brings the topic frankly. There’s no planning or deliberate tactics. It comes naturally to him. Direct question “did hiro say sth weird to you?”. He didn’t hide that he was concerned & expressed his feelings honestly, “ This is what makes me worry” “didn’t I say it throws me off”. It’s okay to complain, remember? “I though I already told you” is the biggest indication of how open, genuine & normal kyo is with tohru. For kyo talking abt his parents is talking abt the source of his trauma & he thought he told her already!! That’s how much he trusted her! “ my mother kill..was killed in an accident” kyo was ready to say it as it is & I’m glad he didn’t. This is tohru in her most vulnerable moment yet, telling her his mom committed suicide would’ve troubled her deeply. She’ll feel so sorry for both of them & We know how much kyo hates pity. Although tohru hasn’t complained to kyo directly, he connected the dots. She’s sensitive abt her mom’s stories. He even guessed the topic: untold mom-memory that involves watermelon splitting. Tell the story tohru~ kyo will listen. don’t ever hold sth back by force. open up, girl! It’ll take you time, I know..but plz open up little by little. Kyo staring fondly at tohru, noticing her every detail is very romantic, him finishing her sentence for her is very liberating for tohru. yes, ur mom’s story is fun, Don’t be oversensitive & hide it. “ it IS fun”. The body language with her hand resting on his knee is very a intimate gesture for tohru!! the girl who still bows to Yuki & shigure despite living with them & talks very formally with close friends.

The angelic mother vs the troubled teen girl:

The way tohru was drawn while covering the sleeping kids reminds me of how kyoko was drawn in tohru’s memories & how most mothers are drawn in anime. So tender, with a doting smile, flowing hair, affectionate stare & kind face. Like an angel hovering around helpless children. Interestingly, that image was seen from Yuki’s perspective alone. Both haru & kyo were there but only yuki pictured this. This reminded me of another scene where tohru was drawn motherly & angelic, In Kisa ep in SE01. kisa slept in her lap & all yuki wanted was to rest in her shoulders. This is heavily contrasted with how kyo saw tohru with the kids. His thought was “The kids are so carefree” normal comment you’d expect from a tired adult abt children. What kyo saw was a troubled teen who was awkwardly hiding her pain & tragically missing her late mother. She is someone who needs to a push to vent, someone who is NOT okay. This brings other scenes as well. From kyo’s perspective tohru is someone who he can gently hit on the head for being spacey, or tease for nose dripping while crying, or blush at excessively for trying on a swimsuit. To sum up, Yuki sees her as an angelic mother & kyo sees her as real person. I must say I’m completely amazed at how the visuals as used to convey the difference between the two boys in regard to tohru. That’s how visual tools & story telling should be combined & used!

Yuki opened the lid:

Hiding the content of Akito’s encounter with Yuki is done to mirror Yuki’s  uncertain & unresolved feelings. However, while yuki didn’t tell us what happened, he told us his feelings afterwards. Yuki opened the lid. He faced Akito & he wasn’t as shaken as before. I love that opening the lid doesn’t automatically mean that you are healed. It means that you are now facing your trauma & trying to figure out how to deal with it without relying much on faulty coping mechanisms. You are still using these faulty ways at the moment but you are actively searching for healthier ways.

-Yuki knows he isn’t as useless as Akito tried to instill in him.. He saved someone & by saving her, he himself was far more saved in every sense of the word. If Yuki didn’t save young tohru, someone else would have whether the police or her mom. This incident didn’t change tohru’s life much. But if yuki didn’t save young tohru, he wouldn’t have been able to believe in himself. He can never repay her back for that moment & for the warmth & joy that she shared with him. Being forever indebted is bittersweet. This is what the whole falling stars scene felt to me..so bittersweet. For sometime, I was a bit confused on why I felt as sad as Yuki & as confused as tohru. But now I think I get it. The gratefulness that he feels is coupled with the feeling of incompleteness. To him, tohru is like the sky, so majestic, enveloping all creatures below her with rain & warmth. But also far away. Skies are kinda similar to mothers, always there for you, but you can’t look at them forever. Yuki can’t tell tohru abt the hat yet, because he wants to be able to say it happily & strongly, rather than sadly & weakly. He wants to stand on his feet to say it NOT bend & rest on her shoulders as he’s doing now & as he did in Kisa’s ep in SE01. “ you are so dear to me/I don’t know what I would do without you” are both expressions that imply Yuki’s appreciation of her yet his sadness in being dependable on her warmth & his sorrow that he’ll never give her back as much as she unknowingly did. He needs to be his own person first. He can do it now step by step as he’s learning to deal with Akito differently.

Side notes:

This post is abt the rat, the cat & the rice-ball. (The dog in part 2)

I’m so happy to see my girl sharing the spotlight this season! & by the spotlight I mean the darkness. Crack that fake mask little by little.

Tohru is falsely presented as the perfect angel who helps others while under her mask, she’s the opposite!! she’s a REAL person! someone who’s so lost & sad & lonely! I love how she’s written!! can’t wait for her content!! please let it be next ep!! plz!!

I was right! Yuki get to open his lid first.

Kisa’s fear of Akito harming tohru is sad.

Akito hating sunshine-momiji goes well with her dark theme.

both hiro & kyo have no patience for nonsense XD.

I can’t be the only one who noticed that since tohru with sleeping kids was drawn deliberately to resemble a mother, the way the show drew kyo approaching & sitting resembled a father! like a mom & dad having a rest after a long hard day with their kids outside. It gives off strong little family feels. They both looked like young adults more than teenagers, especially when tohru was telling kyo to not wake up the kids.

[hermannsthumb]

Could you possibly write a fic with Newt sending Hermann a sexy vid he’s thoroughly convinced is sexy but is in fact the worst piece of cinematography Hermann has ever seen...kthx 😘

i originally wrote this by hand in a notebook. can u believe it

no EXPLICIT onscreen shenanigans but heavily heavily alluded to so 18+/not safe for work below cut

----------------------------

Newt wouldn’t describe himself as needy, exactly, not all the time, not consistently, but he thinks–well–certain recent needy actions on his part can be forgiven on account of the current (and fucking tragic) circumstances he finds himself in. He and Hermann find themselves in together. It’s like–they already have a difficult enough go as it is finding time to, well, fool around, between work and mandatory meetings and the general boner-killing haze the whole “end of the world” thing has exuded upon them all, and now Hermann’s been shipped off across the ocean to goddamn Seattle to offer his expertise.

And Newt?

Newt’s horny.

The horny part is kind of his own fault. See, last Valentine’s Day, he managed to talk Hermann into taking sexy Polaroids with him (relatively tame stuff, though Newt does have a pretty saucy snapshot of Hermann’s exposed collarbone under his barely-unbuttoned shirt–the trollop!), and, feeling particularly lonely after another long day of having absolutely no one to argue with and throw bits of kaiju entrails at, Newt decided today was the day to crack the album open again. This, of course, led to recalling vividly how their parting sex had gone two months ago (Hermann had left awesome hickeys on Newt’s thighs that Newt swears he’s still sporting, and they got so loud someone actually pounded on their door to make them shut up), an single attempt at masturbation, and then a very botched attempt at phone sex.

(“I’m so hard,” Newt moaned. “What are you wearing?

A strange choking noise. “I’m in a conference, Newton!”

Right–time difference.)

Newt can just finish himself off and everything, and he’s planning on it, when he suddenly receives a neat and surreptitious little text from Hermann that makes his eyebrows jump.

I miss you too, darling

only a week, and then–

What follows is a wildly explicit list of activities Hermann plans to do with and to Newt when he gets home, requiring the use of everything from his tongue, to Newt’s tie, to the large purple dildo they keep in Newt’s bedside table and refer to (or, at least Newt does) as Hermann 2.

i love you, Newt replies.

This is when Newt gets an Idea. Inspiration really courtesy of the Polaroids, in fact. He should show Hermann how much he loves him, how much he misses him and how lonely he’s been without him. And, y’know, get off in the process. Then Hermann (who definitely misses Newt just as much) can get off too. Goddamn foolproof. He just needs to find his old webcam, and then…

———

Hermann doesn’t reply when Newt sends the video. At first, Newt thinks nothing of it–nothing beyond the obvious of “Hermann is just too overcome with lust and needs to jerk off immediately and can’t answer yet”–but when he still hasn’t brought it up by the end of the next day (long after his lust should have dissipated) Newt decides he needs to pry a little. For the sake of his ego.

only a few more days, he texts Hermann obscenely early. Or late. He never went to bed, technically; Hermann constitutes about seventy percent of his impulse control, and without anyone to shame him out of guzzling half a dozen Monster drinks and getting elbows-deep in kaiju guts all night, Newt has a tendency to do just that.

six–I can hardly contain myself

maybe i can reenact my video for you in person, huh? ;)

Hermann doesn’t respond for several hours.

sorry – I fell asleep

Newt politely doesn’t point out that he sent his query at what would’ve been noon Hermann’s time. Who knows--maybe the guy had a long night, too.

——

Six days winds down slowly, painfully, tortuously, and then finally, it’s one hour, then five minutes, and then Newt’s throwing his arms around Hermann outside the airport baggage claim and kissing the living daylights out of him. “Never again,” he sighs happily into the crook of Hermann’s shoulder.

“Next time–” Hermann starts.

“–won’t exist,” Newt says.

Hermann gives him a small, crooked smile. “Next time I’ll stow you away in my luggage. How does that sound?”

Newt thinks it sounds very good. He kisses Hermann again to let him know. “C’mon,” he says, taking the handle of Hermann’s massive wheely suitcase (because Hermann, for all that he wears the same three fucking pieces of clothing every day, packed his entire wardrobe and a half) “taxi’s waiting, and I’m like, hardcore blue-balled, dude.”

Hermann flushes and swats at Newt’s side in mortified admonishment, but doesn’t–to Newt’s immense pleasure–remove his hand afterwards. 

Newt waits patiently until Hermann’s finished unloading all the souvenirs Newt’s asked for (mostly shitty American junk food he has trouble finding in Hong Kong) from his suitcase to seduce him, and then he waits until he’s got Hermann stripped down to his stupid tighty-whiteys and threadbare undershirt and splayed out on Newt’s bed like a beautiful skinny-knobbly buffet to bring up the video again. Because, truthfully, it’s been weighing heavily on his mind. “So?” he says, with a little kiss to one of those bony collarbones that so ignited his lust the other night. “What did you think?”

“Mm,” Hermann says. His eyelids are at a lusty half-mast; his glasses slip further down his nose with each little jerk his body gives when Newt’s mouth does something exciting. “Of what, darling?”

“Of the video, obviously,” Newt says.

There is a slight, but noticeable, downward twinge to Hermann’s wide lips. “Ah,” he says. He fixes the glasses, then slides them back down, then back up. He’s nervous. Not a good sign. “Well–” He coughs. “Frankly, Newton, I found it…lacking.”

Newt freezes. “What do you mean?”

“The video,” Hermann says. “It was–well, it was terribly out of focus, darling. A bit sideways. And badly lit.” He fiddles with his glasses again and adds, almost chastising, “And you really ought to have gone for a more interesting color palette, I think.”

Newt drops his hands from Hermann’s knees (where they’d been braced, for proper sexy kissing and seduction) and sits back on his heels. “My sexy video?”

“Yes,” Hermann says. He blinks at Newt. “That is what we’re talking about, is it not?”

“It’s not,” Newt tries, stumbling over the words and a sudden surge of affronted anger, “it’s not lacking, you dick! It’s sexy! It’s–”

He digs his phone out from the heap of his jeans and jacket on the carpet. Hermann’s wrong. He knows Hermann’s wrong. The video’s sexy, okay. Newt’s sexy. Hermann’s just being difficult for no good fucking reason.

He scrolls back in his texts to find the video and clicks play.

Okay, like, maybe he could have angled the camera better, he’ll give Hermann that: in his deliberation over whether to film his face (romantic) or his dick (sexy), he settled somewhere in the vicinity of his abdomen in the hopes that the camera would get a bit of both. It did not. It was also a little dark in his bunk when he filmed it. And the sound quality isn’t, like, great--it’s all muffled. “Hi honey,” on-screen Newt says. “I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I miss you, and how bad I want you to just–”

The rest of the video consists of Newt’s loud grunts, the audible, wet slide of his hand on his dick, and a consistent shaky shot of his stomach and heaving chest. He jizzes in about two minutes flat with a little whimper of “Hermann–!”

The screen goes dark. Darker.

“Huh,” Newt says.

He flops onto his back on the bed.

“I wanted it to be a sexy thing for you to jerk off to,” he says, sadly.

“Well,” Hermann says, matter-of-fact, “naturally, I did masturbate to it anyway. Oh, Newton–” Newt turns away from him when he tries to lay a hand on his thigh. “Darling, I’m sorry, you mustn’t be upset. It was a lovely surprise. I’m just a daft old--”

“You don’t think I’m sexy,” Newt says, just as sadly as before.

“Of course I do!” Hermann plants a small kiss on his shoulder, right over a freckle Newt knows he’s fond of. It doesn’t cheer him up. “I think you’re devastatingly sexy. Not think--know.”

Newt rolls even further away. Nearly off the side of the bed. Hermann (sighing gently) follows with even more kisses to his shoulder, one at the nape of his neck that decidedly does not make Newt shiver. “Newton,” he murmurs. One of his hands ghosts down Newt’s bare chest and pauses to scratch over a nipple. “I would very much like to have sex with you right now.”

“Pity sex,” Newt says.

“Sex with my partner,” Hermann says, ignoring this, “whom I’ve not seen in two months and love very, very much. Because he is handsome--” Kiss. “--intelligent--” Kiss. “--thoughtful--” Kiss, kiss, kiss. “--mm, and very sweet.” 

“Liar,” Newt mumbles, but finally concedes to Hermann’s bony, tender embrace and sappy, overblown compliments and rolls over to nuzzle against his chest. 

“There we are,” Hermann coos. He slides his fingers through Newt’s hair; Newt makes a noise almost like a purr, to his embarrassment. “My sweet, handsome, sexy--”

"I’m gonna need a little more convincing than that,” Newt interrupts threateningly. 

“Gladly,” Hermann says.

[spn-meanttobe]

Summaries Part One [1-50]

Claiming Info -- FAQs/Rules The first Claims post will be a separate post going up on Saturday, November 7th at 12 pm EST. The second Claims post will be a separate post going up on Sunday, November 8th at 12 pm EST.

1. A Cowboy's Touch Abigail Jones intends to spend just one summer in middle-of-nowhere Montana with her Aunt Lucy. Time away from her job is just what Abigail needs to reassess her life. The slow pace has her breathing deeply for the first time in years. And the majestic scenery encourages her to get reacquainted with herself... and God. What she didn't count on was the handsome widowed cowboy who owns the ranch where her aunt lives. When the rancher loses his daughter's nanny, Abigail decides to lend a hand for the summer. Wade Ryan can't help being attracted to Abigail. But he's given up everything to protect his daughter, and he's not about to risk it all on a pretty face. 2. A Different Kind of Man Emalea LeBlanc is a different kind of woman. Nicknamed "Doc" by the locals, she's a psychologist, a member of the volunteer search and rescue team and an avid motorcycle enthusiast. But she's haunted by memories of an abusive father and relationships with men who haven't been much better. What she needs is a different kind of man. Someone she can trust. Someone who won't hurt her. Jackson Cooper is the new investigator in Cypress Landing, and Emalea believes she knows his type – big, strong, overbearing. Dangerous. But Jackson has a tragic past of his own. And he's not exactly the kind of man he appears to be…. 3. A Forever Kind of Cowboy She wasn't the kind of woman who would spend the night with a stranger, yet runaway bride Lori Ashford shared one night and so much more with sexy Cord McVane. The innocent beauty had only come to Cord's isolated cabin seeking shelter, but when her rugged protector showed her a passion like no other, she was lost. For Lori had long dreamed of sharing her heart with a strong, honorable man – a man like Cord. And now that she was carrying his child, she hoped this brooding loner could forget his painful past and be her forever man. 4. A Little Christmas Romance There's no such thing as second chances, and Brooke would know. This Christmas will be spent alone and uncelebrated, same as the last. It doesn't matter that she's a disgruntled mall elf, standing next to a chimney-scented Santa with the most annoying co-worker ever. It doesn't make Christmas more magical. It's just another day to endure, and the holiday can't pass fast enough. That is, until her old flame, Chris, spots her. After taking a picture with Brooke in her elf costume, things take an unexpected turn. Maybe getting through the night won't be so difficult after all. 5. A Voice in the Dark No one knew what Noah Graydon looked like, but they'd all heard the rumors. How he'd been broken, even scarred, on his last case. How he never showed his face…until the day he took an overwhelming interest in one very special agent. Angel Carter would have been a serial killer's next victim if not for Noah. The rescue gave her a glimpse into his world of shadows – yet she dared to want more. To really know if the passion between them was real. They would have to come face-to-face if the killer was to be caught – and Noah could only conceal his body from Angel for so long... 6. Abby and the Bachelor Cop Bride-to-be Abigail Callahan has her life mapped out. Good career, wealthy fiancé – it's perfect... too perfect. Then sexy bad-boy-turned-cop Raff Finn reenters Abby's life, landing her with an adorable homeless dog called Kleppy and a whole lot of trouble... Raff's teenage recklessness once broke them apart, but he's not about to let his childhood sweetheart marry the wrong guy. With help from Kleppy and some Banksia Bay magic, Raff plans to reawaken the Abby he's always loved. 7. After Dark When a shocking scandal exposes southern secrets... As the blazing heat of summer gives way to sultry September, a shroud of suspicion settles over Noble's Crossing, a sleepy Alabama town. Nothing is as it seems--and never will be again. Lane Noble Graham stands accused of murdering her ex-husband. And the one man who can help, Johnny Mack Cahill, vowed never to return to the town that scorned him--or the woman whose love he knew he didn't deserve. ...No one is safe from cold-blooded murder. From the rusted-out trailers on the wrong side of the river to the stately pillared mansions along Magnolia Avenue, everybody has something to hide--but one secret could make Lane and Johnny Mack the next targets of a twisted killer, who's struck once and is bent on striking again... 8. Alena The wild heart of a warrior beat in the breast of Alena, daughter to a queen and mother to a king. A Celtic princess, she resolved never to bend to Roman rule. But how could she foresee that the iron fist of Rome would stoke her soul with the velvet glove of passion. Marcus Valerius, Prefect of the Seventh Legion, had proven himself many times over in combat. Now newly come to Britannia, he would ensure the peace – despite the wiles of a tall, tawny-haired barbarian goddess with witchcraft in her lips! 9. Bayou Whispers Plagued by nightmares and fractured memories, Laura Larame returns to her childhood home in the Louisiana bayou, where her mother vanished and she almost drowned. She searches for answers with the handsome Creole who saved her once before. A man who holds the dark magic that isn't finished with her yet. Since childhood, Drew Michel has seen death and the spirits who walk the halls of his family’s ancestral home, and they are warning him—Laura will die. Deep in the swamp, an ancient ritualistic clan is planning to claim her life. Can he defeat the evil that demands her blood and save the woman he has grown to love, or will the bayou claim them both in a demon’s ultimate sacrifice? 10. Big Girls Don't Cry Thanks to a devastating revelation about her husband, Reenie Holbrook's once-perfect marriage is over. For eleven years she had the life she wanted--and now it's gone. Reenie decides that the first step in recovering from her ordeal is to find work; after all, she has three young children to support. She's thrilled when she lands a job at Dundee High teaching history--until Isaac Russell, the man who triggered the unraveling of her marriage, accepts a temporary position teaching science. Then she's tempted to quit. Reenie doesn't care if the whole town admires Isaac... and she won't admit that, secretly, she admires him, too. She doesn't want to see him or his sister in "her" town. But a friendship with the most unlikely woman leads to a relationship with the most unlikely man.. 11. Boss Man The permanent temporary... Blake Kemp was a man who knew his own mind and was as stubborn as the day is long in Jacobsville, Texas. As the town's leading lawyer, he had a reputation to uphold, and he didn't want the tender ministrations of his assistant to get in his way -- even if he desperately needed her, since those big boots of his did have a tendency to step on toes... So, of course, the boss man blew up at pretty, gentle Violet, for having the nerve to, of all things, step on his toes, causing her to leave him in a cloud of Texas dust. But being a smart as well as hardheaded man, Blake could soon see that without his guiding light, his life would be in darkness. Only one thing to do -- hire her back and make sure that business didn't mess with matters of the heart...on or off the job! 12. Bound to the Sicilian's Bed Rocco's outrageous proposition: His estranged wife will spend one final weekend in his bed! When Rocco's runaway wife asks for a divorce, the Sicilian billionaire seizes his chance! They've never discussed their painful past, but this is the perfect opportunity to get Nicole out of his system for good. He offers her a deal: if Nicole wants to move on with her life, she will be his one last time! 13. Brothers Without Borders For Avery Grey, life wasn't easy. He was smaller than most guys and nerdy, a real prize winner. And, as if this wasn't enough, he was gay and in love with the one person he knew it was wrong to desire. Rather than deal with the heartbreak, he chose to dedicate himself to medical school. Hunter Grey, the tough guy athlete tried to focus on everything other than the one person who caused the ache inside his heart. For years, he had managed to keep his secret locked up inside him. Although some of his teammates didn't know he was gay, this was the least of his worries. His biggest secret haunted him and had him waking up in the middle of the night soaked to the bone in sweat. The guilt and disgust within him tore him apart each day. When secrets are exposed, how will an unconventional love between brothers change the lives of these two men? Can their bond and love for each other survive and flourish, or will it ultimately rip them apart? 14. Claimed by a Vampire Beautiful and independent, writer Yvonne Dupuis is used to taking care of herself. But when she moves into her new apartment and senses a demon watching her every move, stalking her at every turn, she has no choice but to put her life in the hands of a dangerously sexy vampire. From the first whiff of Yvonne's intoxicating scent, Investigator Creed Preston knows his client has something to fear. Under Creed's protection, she will be drawn irresistibly in by his secrets and experience the sheer force of immortal desire. And not a moment too soon. For the evil hunting her isn't acting alone – and he won't stop until he claims her for his very own…. 15. Closer Encounters To Drew "The Riever" McDowell, this seemed like a fairly straightforward assignment: track down Tracy Brandt and find out her connection to a top secret mission. But when Drew finds her, he realizes Tracy has a mission of her own – solving the sixty-year-old murder of Trixie Halston, a mysterious, mesmerizing singer of the 1940s. In fact, Tracy's obsession with Trixie goes beyond interest – at times she actually seems to become Trixie. She goes from demure but contemporary woman to the brazen big band singer on a dime. And the scary thing is – Drew is falling hard. For both of them… 16. Club Arcana: Operation Janus Beneath librarian Angus McAslan's respectable demeanor thrums the heart of an adventurer. He dreams of traversing the globe, exploring ancient ruins, and discovering amazing scientific breakthroughs. And unbeknownst to even his dear devoted mother, he's just put the finishing touches on his own epic novel about a swashbuckler on Venus-- complete with illustrations! But after inadvertently reciting a summoning spell, Angus finds himself thrust into an adventure beyond even his own wildest imaginings. Suddenly, demon-possessed pupils try to kill him. Half-human creatures stalk him. His mother reveals herself as a witch, and his wizard uncle proclaims it high time Angus joins the family business. Complicating matters: the exquisitely handsome young man--bearing an uncanny resemblance to the aforementioned Venusian swashbuckler--sent by his uncle to collect Angus, and the suave, aristocratic warlock who materializes with dire warnings of a resurrected Elder God called Janus. 17. Dark Descent For each, there could be only one. They came from the darkest places: secluded monasteries, the Carpathian mountains, galaxies under siege. They were men with the blackest pasts--warriors, vampire monks, leaders of armies--but whose passions burned like dying stars. They had one purpose: to find those women who fulfilled them, completed them, and made them rage with a fire both holy and profane. They sought soul mates whose touch consumed them with desire, yet whose kisses refreshed like the coolest rain. And each man knew that for him there was only one true love--and in finding her, he would find salvation. 18. Dark Temptation Had special-effects genius Jason McLain really murdered his wife, as the tabloids claimed? Valerie Wiggins approached his spooky old house, hoping to convince him to help make their Halloween charity event truly frightening. But when he opened the door, her heart raced not with fright but sizzling arousal. Jason feared caring for Val would put her in danger, but could helping him face his demons silence her own? 19. Deadly Gamble Mojo's got an uncanny knack for winning at slots, but her home sweet home is Bad-Ass Bert's Biker Saloon. She'd love to go undercover with an irresistibly hot cop, but he's got baggage as big as his biceps. Mojo survived a mysterious childhood tragedy, but she's never quite figured out who she really is or how to get on with her life. Now the wisecracking Mojo is seeing ghosts – the ectoplasmic kind – and turning up baffling clues to her real identity. And she'll need all her savvy and strange new talent to keep someone from burying her – and the truth – for keeps. 20. Decadent Club Casablanca – an exclusive gentlemen's club where exotic hostesses cater to the every need of high-stakes gamblers, politicians and big-business execs. No rules apply. And no unescorted women are allowed. Ever. But Ally Danner has to get in – to rescue her sister from the club's obsessive owner, Jason Aragon. And undercover FBI agent Sam Sinclair is just the man to help her. In return she'll use her inside knowledge to get Sam the evidence he needs to put Jason away. Only, once they get caught up in the club's hedonistic allure, the only favors they end up trading are sensual…. 21. Deception Cove In the world of Harmony, Rainshadow Island is home to a mysterious preserve, secrets that have been kept for centuries, and a treasure worth killing for... As a light-talent, Alice North has the rare ability to make things disappear, including herself--a gift that comes in handy during her magic act with her dust bunny Houdini. Business mogul Drake Sebastian is day-blind, since his sight was nearly destroyed in a lab accident. But he's the one man who can see Alice when she disappears--and he needs her. On Rainshadow Island, two dangerous Old World crystals are missing, igniting a paranormal storm. Drake thinks Alice is the key to finding them, and proposes they head there, but only after a Marriage of Convenience. Alice's honeymoon on Rainshadow is guaranteed to be memorable, as the island--and the passion between her and Drake--is about to explode... 22. Defender Dragon Lucas is a prince and a dragon shifter who left his country to become a bodyguard at Protection, Inc., an all-shifter private security company. Then his past caught up with him, forcing him home for an arranged marriage to a princess who isn't his mate. Neither of them wants the match, but they can't escape it… unless one of them finds their true mate first. Journey Jacobson is a free-spirited backpacker traveling the world. When she runs out of money, it looks like her adventuring days have come to an end. Then she attends a lavish ball to celebrate the upcoming engagement of Prince Lucas. Sparks fly between Lucas and Journey until she flees at midnight, leaving behind nothing but a shoe. Lucas sets out to find his mate, but that's just the beginning of his quest. Can he protect her from the mysterious assassins trying to kill her? And can restless Journey and lonely Lucas take the biggest risk of their adventurous lives, and open their wounded hearts to love? 23. Delicious Cal Buchanan needs a top-flight chef to take over his failing Seattle restaurant, The Waterfront. He can afford to hire the best in town – the only problem is that the best happens to be his ex-wife, Penny Jackson. Penny really needs this opportunity, but she doesn't need the distraction of working with her ex. She's sworn off romance – she's even having a baby on her own. But before she knows it, the heat is on…and the attraction between her and Cal moves from a low simmer to a full boil! The rest should be easy as pie, but a secret from Cal's past could spoil everything. Maybe it's true that too many cooks spoil the broth – or maybe two is enough to make it irresistible. 24. Double Jeopardy Ellie Landau couldn't pass up the invitation to a murder mystery weekend. It was even harder to pass up fellow player Jed Thorpe. Only Jed was the "killer," and Ellie wound up fighting for her life. Back in the real world, Ellie was the management consultant for Cludds Haberdashers, a simple enough job until she realized that something was terribly wrong there - and that Jed was intimately involved. Then someone tried to kill her for real. Ellie was in double jeopardy. Was she falling in love with the one man who could save her life - or end it? 25. Dream Man Detective Dane Hollister of the Orlando police department has never met anyone quite like Marlie Keen. While he has doubts about her supposed clairvoyant powers, she sees crimes as they're being committed, there is no doubt about how much he desires her. To Marlie, Dane is all heat and hard muscle, and he makes her body come alive as it never has before. But not even she can foresee that their passion will lead them on a dangerous journey into the twisted mind of a madman who will threaten their happiness and their lives. 26. Exposed Beautiful, sophisticated, and engaged to the son of a Senator, Evie Masterson has the perfect life. Except for one thing: it's all based on a lie. Five years ago, she created a new identity for herself and cut all ties to her criminal past. But she can't run forever, because something she witnessed years ago comes back to haunt her. And the only person there to help is the man she thought she left behind forever-the one man she's never been able to forget. Devastatingly gorgeous and just as ruthless, Riley Everett is the criminal for hire who once stole Evie's heart. Years have gone by, but he's never been able to forget her either. Now her life is in jeopardy, and even after all this time, he'd still do anything to protect her, even if that means breaking into her mansion and stealing her away. As they hide from the world, their long-lost passion reignites. But despite their undeniable chemistry, Evie can't give up the perfect life she's been working toward... and Riley has no part in it. 27. Fancy Pants They're caviar and beer. Kerosene on fire. They're going to fall in love. She was the most beautiful British bauble in Europe's jet-set playgrounds. Now she's broke, furious, and limping down a backwoods road in an ugly pink Southern Belle gown... He was tall, lean and All-American gorgeous. He liked his brews cold and women loved to keep him warm. Why in hell is he stopping his car for this woebegone, surly Scarlett? 28. Find Me Investigative reporter Sarah Newton debunks supernatural myths, and forces the truth to light whether people want to hear it or not. Now, with a popular teenager found tortured and murdered – and another girl missing – Sarah's out to prove it's not the work of an ancient curse, but a cold-blooded killer. She'll expose one Maine village's darkest secrets …while keeping the truth about her own past hidden from view. As Youngstown's newest councilman, Kale Conner's unofficial job is to minimize the bad publicity from Sarah's stories and, if possible, to keep her in line. But with time running out, and his own family at stake, Kale's finding his neighbors' terrible deeds might be too deadly to sweep under the rug…and he and Sarah are headed toward a heated endgame with only one shocking way out... 29. Groomed for Murder Brooke Palmer's exclusive doggie spa, Pawlish, is sued when a client's pampered champion gets a bad poodle cut. The client's lawyer is drop-dead gorgeous Drew Hudson, but Brooke won't be wooed by a corporate shark in a sharp suit. This frivolous lawsuit is Drew's chance to advance to partner, but things get complicated when he finds that the side he's rooting for isn't the side he's fighting for. 30. Her Favorite Rival A new meaning for office politics: Audrey Mathews has worked hard to get here. Now she's up for a promotion and nothing will stand in her way – including Zach Black. He's hot, smart and the competition. When they're assigned to the same project, she's shocked at how much she actually likes about him…and how much she misjudged him. Before long Audrey is seriously falling for Zach – and indulging in an affair that's against company policy. And the stakes rise when it's clear only one of them can get ahead. So where do they draw the line between competition and love? Especially when she doesn't want to lose either the promotion or the guy…. 31. Hero Special Forces soldier, Haze Welch, is military born and raised. Serving the country is what the Welch men do, and all Haze has ever wanted. But during an 18-month tour overseas, his world shatters in an instant. Haze gets injured and is not able to return to active duty. Unable to face the thought of spending the rest of his life behind a desk, he accepts a job offer as a personal bodyguard in Los Angeles for the flighty heiress Leighton Machus. After all, one spoiled little girl would be a piece of cake compared to everything else I've been through, right? Little does Haze Welch know, he's about to get a rude awakening. 32. Hissy Fit The night before her wedding, in the middle of an oh-so-smart rehearsal dinner, interior decorator Keeley Murdock chances upon her fiancé and maid of honor in flaming flagrante delicto. Keeley throws the hissy fit to end all hissy fits and storms out. The next day, though, she has to deal not only personally with a broken engagement but also with her business being shut out by folks in a town financially obligated to her ex. Rescue comes in the form of the new owner of the local bra plant. This guy is a hunk but he's also a teensy bit weird, since he hires Keeley to redo the broken-down antebellum mansion he's bought for the woman of his dreams. The trouble is, he's never met said woman. So Keeley dives in and finds that true love can come even to those who throw humdinger hissy fits. 33. Hold Your Breath Lou's new to the Rockies, intent on escaping her oh-so-controlling ex, and she's determined to make it on her own terms...no matter how tempting new ice dive captain Callum Cook may be. But when a routine training exercise unearths a body, Lou and Callum find themselves thrust into a game of cat and mouse with a killer who'll stop at nothing to silence Lou—and prove that not even her faithful Search and Rescue brotherhood can keep her safe forever. Lou is a hurricane. A walking disaster. Perfect chaos in every way. And with her, Callum's never felt more alive...even if keeping her safe may just kill him. 34. Home to Seaview Key Falling for a handsome stranger on the very morning they meet is hardly what recently divorced Abby Miller planned for her return to Seaview Key. Hoping to mend an old friendship and to give back to the community she loves, Abby's definitely not looking for love. For ex-soldier Seth Landry, Seaview Key seems like the perfect place to heal a broken heart…eventually. And when he rescues a beautiful woman on the beach, his nightmares about the past are eclipsed by daydreams about the future. Neither Abby nor Seth are looking for forever, but powerful love has its own timetable. And taking a chance on the future will test their courage in ways neither of them could possibly have anticipated. 35. How the Cowboy Was Won Ember Alzate is a fantastic matchmaker with one big problem: she can't find the perfect mate for herself! Alzate family legend says that when she kisses "the One" she'll hear a mysterious humming in her head. Well, Ember's kissed a lot of guys and she's never heard a thing. Now, instead of searching for herself, she vows to find her best friend, Ranger Lockhart, a bride. It's clear this smart, sexy man just needs to meet the right gal. Ranger's returned home to Cupid with marriage on his mind, but he's not interested in the parade of women Ember pushes under his nose. His thoughts keep returning to his best friend -- with her combustible combination of curves and sass. No one compares to Ember, but what's it going to take to convince her she's the woman for him? 36. How to Date an Alien High school senior Alex Bianchi's estranged father gets her an internship at Circe Operations Center to pad her college applications. But Circe isn't your typical military base. It's an alien-run operation center and not all of the aliens are friendly, especially the one that tries to kill Alex on her first day. When Ace, a dark-eyed Caltian, enters and saves the day, she can't help but be drawn to him. Can these star-crossed lovers survive when they're on the brink of intergalactic war? 37. How to Kill Your Boss When Tatum's daydreams of murder become a reality, all fingers point to her. In Tatum Wood's opinion, murdering her boss on a daily basis within the safety of her thoughts is better than therapy. Until he takes a swan dive off a building and all evidence points to her. Thank goodness she has Franklin Reed. Her mysterious, overprotective and drop-dead gorgeous coworker is all too eager to play hero. With two attacks in her building and her stalker with a penchant for roses, Franklin's injection into her life couldn't have come at a better time. As Tatum and Franklin scramble to discover who's behind the murder, secrets are unearthed that question his motives…as well as his identity. 38. How to Marry a Marquis She’s trying to follow the rules… When Elizabeth Hotchkiss stumbles upon a copy of How to Marry a Marquis in her employer’s library, she’s convinced someone is playing a cruel joke. With three younger siblings to support, she knows she has to marry for money, but who might have guessed how desperate she’s become? A guidebook to seduction might be just the thing she needs—and what harm could there be in taking a little peek? …But he’s making his own. James Sidwell, the Marquis of Riverdale, has been summoned to rescue his aunt from a blackmailer, a task that requires him to pose as the new estate manager, and his primary suspect is his aunt’s companion, Elizabeth. Intrigued by the alluring young woman with the curious little rulebook, he gallantly offers to help her find a husband… by practicing her wiles on him. But when practice becomes all too perfect, James decides that there is only one rule worth following—that Elizabeth marry her marquis. 39. Howling in the Darkness Danger! Undercover agent Jonah Ries couldn't explain to the stunning woman who'd mistaken him for her blind date exactly how he knew someone was trying to harm her. But evil stalked Moriah's Landing, and Katherine Ridgemont was its target. When she learned of Jonah's deep secret, Kat might not give him the time of day. Only that wouldn't stop Jonah from watching over the vulnerable beauty after dark. As the anniversary of Kat's mother's mysterious death approached, the instinct to protect became a fire in Jonah's blood. A fire matched by his determination to save the woman he loved from the unknown forces that haunted the night... 40. In the Groove She wouldn't know a NASCAR star if he hit her with his car... and he just did. Sarah was a kindergarten teacher until a sleazy ex-boyfriend got her fired. Now the only job she can find is driving the motor coach for racing star Lance Cooper. She doesn't know a thing about NASCAR – and she's off to a rocky start when she doesn't recognize her ultra-famous boss. Lance can't help but notice Sarah's sweet smile – and how seriously unimpressed she is with his fame. Her reaction piques his interest – and he's convinced she's a good-luck charm. But Sarah has no interest in Lance's jet-setting life; she'd rather deal with spitballs than one super-sexy race car driver. Too bad whenever he comes near her she turns hot as race fuel. Soon things begin to heat up on the track, and Sarah begins to wonder if she might be able to teach one famous race car driver a few lessons about love 41. Into the Night Sheltered in the shadows of the Smoky Mountains is the suspect who's summoned FBI agent Macey Night's fears to the surface. Every day that the "Profiler," a vigilante serial killer, escapes justice is another day she's reminded of what it is to be a ruthless predator's prey. Capturing him is a craving deeper than anything she's felt in a long time. But Agent Bowen Murphy, equal parts sexy and volatile, seems hell-bent on changing that. Working together—needing, living and breathing each other—they're entwined to distraction. Bowen's used to operating on impulse: act, don't feel. Now Macey and the controlled terror behind her beautiful eyes have him rethinking everything, including his rule to never get close to a colleague. He's willing to fight for a future with Macey, but the consequences of love could be deadly. 42. Killjoy Her razor-sharp mind and ability to decipher evidence have made Avery Delaney an expert crime analyst for the FBI. Now she will have to use every one of her skills on a case that hits painfully close to home. Avery's beloved aunt Carolyn was on her way to a posh spa in the Colorado mountains. But she never arrived. Now, with scant clues and fewer resources, Avery must track down Carolyn -- and outmaneuver a brilliant killer named Monk who is part of an elaborate plot of madness and lethal vengeance. 43. Lawless Five years ago, Judd Dunn, a hard-edged Texas Ranger, put Christabel Gaines's father behind bars – where he belonged. But Judd's involvement in Crissy's life was far from over. With their jointly owned ranch on the verge of bankruptcy, Judd wed her in name only, vowing to save their land, and vowing to ignore the sexual tension between them. Now, just when Judd decides to release Crissy from their sham of a marriage, he is blindsided by a bloodthirsty foe who is setting the stage for unspeakable evil by preying upon Judd's greatest weakness – his wife. No longer a starry-eyed schoolgirl, Crissy's a smart, fearless woman with unfulfilled desires. And she will do anything in the name of love – including taking a bullet for her husband. With their very lives at stake, Crissy and Judd must confront their darkest demons, their new rivals and their deepest desires – and face up to a mutual destiny they cannot outrun. 44. Lone Star Santa Kristen Zaleski is home for the holidays... indefinitely. Her acting career hasn't taken off -- in fact, it hasn't gone anywhere. So now she's spending her days helping out at her dad's P.I. office. Until Mitch Donner comes by and lights up her life. Sort of... Mitch is back at his parents' place, too. As a successful accountant who'd been set up to take the fall in a money-laundering scheme, Mitch isn't quite sure what to do. So he takes a job installing Christmas lights... and gets an early present when he runs into Kristen. Especially when she offers her newly acquired P.I. skills to help him get his life back. Working together, they plot an elaborate sting operation, one that will take a miracle to pull off. Then again, anything is possible at Christmas -- especially if it involves mistletoe! 45. Long, Hot Texas Summer A sassy redhead with an axe to grind… After catching her husband kissing another woman in the barn, Loretta Sullivan Bailey left Lonesome Canyon Ranch and swore she'd never come back. But when her daughter threatens to drop out of college to become a rancher's wife, Loretta refuses to let her baby make the same mistake she did. She returns to the ranch, determined to get her daughter back in school by the summer's end…and resolute on ignoring her feelings for her ex-husband. A bullheaded but oh so sexy cowboy… A cowboy from his hat to his boots, ruggedly handsome rancher Jackson Bailey is none too pleased that his feisty -- and gorgeous -- ex-wife has suddenly shown up seventeen years after their divorce. But despite all their fighting and fussing, the two stubborn former lovers soon discover that old flames burn the hottest. Can they finally put aside their differences and find happiness together…forever? 46. Looking for Laura Sally Driver is a widow trying to move on with her life when she finds a stack of perfume-scented love letters from her late husband, Paul, had received from a mysterious woman named Laura. Todd Sloane was Paul's best friend and he feels betrayed that his friend would keep such a secret from him. Together Sally and Todd go looking for Laura, but with luck on their side, they may just find something more meaningful along the way... 47. Making Him Sweat Round 1: In this corner is admittedly romantic Jenna Wilinski, who's inherited a rather seedy boxing gym from her estranged father. With it, she can realize her dream of launching an upscale matchmaking business…provided she can take on the very intimidating – and wickedly hot – boxer who stands in her way! Round 2: In the far corner is former pro boxer Mercer Rowley. He's the only one who can protect his "home" – even if it is a little run-down – from his determined and feisty little opponent. But man, once the gloves come off, his hands just want to touch her everywhere… Round 3: This matchup is too close to call. But no matter which contender comes out on top, the other is sure to enjoy every minute of it…. 48. Marry Me at Christmas To bridal boutique owner Madeline Krug, organizing a Christmas wedding sounds like a joy - until she finds out she'll be working closely with the gorgeous brother of the bride, movie star Jonny Blaze. How will a small-town girl like her keep from falling for the world's sexiest guy? Especially with mistletoe lurking around every corner! Jonny came to Fool's Gold looking for normal, not for love. Happily-ever-after only happens in the movies. Still, nothing about this quirky town is quite what he expected, and "ordinary" Madeline is the most extraordinary woman he's ever met. Refreshingly honest, disarmingly sweet. Achingly beautiful. Planning the perfect wedding leads to candlelit dinners and strolls through snow-covered streets. And Madeline finds Jonny in real life even more captivating than her celebrity crush. But will the action star be brave enough to risk his heart and step into the role of a lifetime? 49. Mischief Imogen Waterstone needed a man, and not just any man: one with an implacable will and nerves of iron. That's why she invited Matthias Marshall, the Earl of Colchester, to her home. For who better than the legendary explorer to help her lure a ruthless enemy to ruin. Yet when Imogen urges Matthias to masquerade as her spellbound suitor -- and let it be known that she possesses a priceless treasure map -- she never anticipates his electrifying response -- or her own. Suddenly, the unconventional lady is in the thrall of true passion... and vulnerable to a malevolent threat that emerges from the labyrinth of London society. 50. My Front Page Scandal Brooke Winfield is the devoted and dependable daughter of one of Boston's oldest families. So what is she doing on the back of a motorcycle in the middle of the night with sexy bad-boy ballplayer David Carrera? Elated by that recklessness, Brooke decides she's ready to take a Martini dare--and what a dare! Her performance at a posh strip club lands her back in David's arms for another unforgettable night... and in the tabloids the next morning.

[queenrhenpendragon]

You know whose arc gets me every time?

Dameon’s. Dameon Maurva's arc is so beautiful and significant and affects not only himself but multiple other characters and also the entire heckin plot of the game and it moves me Every. Single. Time.

So I’m going to rant  about it, welcome to the post I’ve been waiting to make for fourteen years.

First of all, this precious sun, this dear one, this absolute angel, was most likely raised mainly by an Ahriman sympathizer-- like, c'mon, am I supposed to believe Talia kept a child in the dream realm? Even without the nightmares it's dangerous, and very isolated. If something were to happen there would be nowhere she could send Dameon while she dealt with it. It’s one thing in fanfiction, but when I actually consider the logistics, either she was a truly terrible, irresponsible parent, or Dameon lived in Aveyond with his father. I've played Ahriman’s Prophecy; responsibility is Talia's middle name. Dameon was raised in Aveyond.

He has to have been a lonely child. He most likely had no human friends, and definitely none his age. Maybe the binis or fairies or sometimes Vata babysat him when Mr. Maurva was unavailable. Maybe not. Either way, such contact couldn’t replace his need for love and validation from his incredibly busy and important parents.

He probably constantly sought his parents' approval and was constantly falling short because how do you impress an immortal sun priest, millenia old and the last of his kind? Especially one who is apparently becoming disenchanted with the ideals he once fought for, the ideals his fellow priests died for. How do you impress a half-fairy who saved the world at the tender age of 17, who then became the Guardian of Dreams and is responsible for the safety and well being of every mortal creature? Especially! When! You only see them when they’re not busy keeping the universe running smoothly!

Furthermore. 

Please understand that I love Talia and do not wish to vilify her in any way. I point out her flaws because I love her, because her shortcomings are so human and tragic and are part of what make the story as impactful as it is. And Talia... does not easily express affection. She is not likely to have cuddled Dameon during the times his father took him to the Dreamworld-- which just can't have been often, I just can't imagine a parent who even kind of cared about their child taking them to such a place frequently. She is not likely to have praised him or spent any notable amount of time showing interest in his interests. I do not say this to condemn her. She had a lot of responsibilities. She had never been a mother before-- and yes, she had a great example of motherhood in her Grandmama, but her own mother also left her in the care of others, abandoned her to pursue a louder call. Is it any wonder that she ultimately did the same to her own child?

She has no real relationship with Dameon. Even without all the evidence I have already laid out, this much is obvious in the way they speak to and about each other. Talia doesn't even mention Dameon is her son when she first tells Rhen about him. She gives him no more than an epithet, "Dameon, the sun priest." She does not express particular concern over his safety, even though she knows the druids are in danger and she herself was almost killed. 

And Dameon calls her “mother,” and it is not because of the dialogue style of the game. Talia calls her parental figure “Grandmama.” Rhen calls Tailor “Pa” and “Daddy,” and Ma is known only as “Ma.” But Dameon calls Talia “Mother,” and his father “Father,” because that is the level of familiarity between them. The Maurvas live a strict, solitary life. Is it any wonder that Dameon is stiff and formal at the beginning? Is it any wonder he struggles to connect with others beyond a thoughtful compliment or an antiquated form of greeting? He doesn’t like himself, let alone trust himself. No one has ever taught him how to. He is so isolated, and lonely, and touch-starved, and unloved, and if that was the end of his character it would still move me. But there is more.

Talia literally killed his father, her own husband. It had to have happened when Dameon was still very young. If you take into account Devin’s apparent age, and the fact that a barely-aged Jack in av2 remembers Alicia as queen of Thais when we know that you can only ascend to the throne of Thais if you are married, and a few other details which I would be happy to pull up if anyone is interested, you will realize that Dameon can’t possibly be more than a year older than Rhen. More likely, he is younger, and this would be in line with the other canon ships we see throughout the Aveyond series.

 And we found out in Rhen’s Quest that his father was murdered “many years ago.” MANY! YEARS! He was still a child, maybe 11 years old, at my best guess. He most likely hadn’t even attended a magic school yet. It’s possible he wasn’t even thinking about it. And then he had to take the position as Druid of Light. When he was a child, still mourning the death of the person most precious to him, at the hands of the only other person he could have had any semblance of a relationship with in all of Aia.

The people who were supposed to be teaching Dameon how to be gentle, loyal, and upright instead taught him how to hurt, and betray, and murder those closest to him. Even without Ahriman's influence, how is a child raised in that environment supposed to turn out healthy and good? 

And yet he is still good! He is gentle and thoughtful towards not just Rhen but everyone he meets on the quest. That includes heckin MAD MARGE if you forgot. That includes an actual ogre. That includes people who are spiteful and dismissive towards him. He treats Rhen like she outranks him, the Guardian of the Sun, when she is still a peasant with a practice sword. He is kind to literally everyone except Talia, and he is at least respectful even to her. He never raises his voice at her. He never calls her anything except Mother. Never traitor, never murderer, never any of the curses we know Amanda had no qualms about using because she used them plenty in AP. Just Mother. 

In fact he appears to be the reason Ahriman decided against killing Talia. Yes, Dameon wants justice for his murdered father. I think anyone who is being honest with themselves can admit they would, too. But he doesn’t want to kill her. He doesn’t want her to die. He just wants her to understand what she did, to understand the hurt she caused. He is apparently so against killing her that Ahriman has to change his carefully laid plans before he can convince Dameon to change sides.

And consider. During all of this, Dameon is literally possessed by Ahriman, or under his demonic influence, or however you want to phrase it. This influence likely began even before the game, but even if you ignore that, it is no small thing. Remember how quickly Mel became corrupted under this influence? Remember how quickly Galahad, who resisted the urge to drink blood for actual centuries, became corrupted? The fact that Dameon has any shred of goodness at all, after years of exposure to such darkness, even if you ONLY take into account the actual duration of the game, is evidence that Rhen is right; Dameon has a genuinely good, incredibly strong heart.

And speaking of that conversation. Please allow me to share some of my favorite screenshots in the entirety of the series. 

My precious sun really went from this: 

To having this very level-headed and respectful conversation, of which I have shared only two tiny snippets:

To THIS:

This. Is tangible, real difference, at a rate which makes sense, and I am so proud of him. I have seen people try to dismiss it, and his other development, by saying he is just pretending in order to make Rhen trust him. That literally. Does not make any sense. First of all, if this was part of his efforts to persuade Rhen to join Ahriman he would have done absolutely anything except agree that perhaps Talia was right. He would have tried to convince Rhen that Ahriman was right, not admitted he may have been wrong. And second, even if you ignore that incredibly obvious discrepancy, he either would have forgotten about the conversation with Rhen by the time they returned to the sun shrine and his mother asked him the question again, or he would have pretended to have forgiven her completely. Instead, he acts as though he is uncertain, because he is uncertain. 

And his actions in the dream realm, confronting and fighting Agas for attacking his mother and desecrating her shrine, prove that he is sincere. Of course it takes him some time. Of course he hesitates. Forgiving someone for taking your parent from you is an enormous act. Forgiving someone you trusted for causing you that much pain is unfathomable. His progress is profound and inspiring and does not deserve to be treated like any less.

And he makes this progress while still under Ahriman’s influence! Can you even imagine! Aasgakadgjlkjklj. He tries to do what he believes is right even at the cost of those things most precious to him, his beliefs and ideals and the sacred memory of the person who raised him. ONE conversation prompts him to question everything. While Ahriman still has possession of him. I cannot even begin to comprehend being that brave. And this is just one small example.

I have seen many negative, unfair evaluations of the fairy dust scene. It is deeply tragic to me that such an important, eloquent, beautiful symbol could be so widely misunderstood. I have tried to explain it before. Allow me to indulge myself once again. 

Fairy dust always reveals the truth. This effect is well established, not just in Rhen’s Quest but even in Ahriman’s Prophecy. It heals physical wounds (aka HP) and reveals the truth, and that’s all. There is never any indication that it can change hearts or magically “goodify” anyone or anything. It is not a deus ex machina. It was included specifically to exclude the possibility of that interpretation. It only reveals the truth, and if Dameon had already been aware of the truth, or if he truly honestly wanted the same things Ahriman wanted, it would have changed exactly nothing.  That’s why Rhen’s choice to use it is so significant. It shows that she trusts him, as he is. She knows that he has a good heart and will do what is right when he knows what that is; she has been saying so for the whole game. In the final battle she gets the chance to prove she believes that.

And she does. 

And she’s right. 

When the truth is revealed to Dameon, he follows it, at the cost of his chance for justice, at the cost of living forever, safely, with the one person who has ever shown him any significant amount of affection, at the cost of everything he ever dared to want in his short, lonely, miserable life. While still under Ahriman’s demonic influence! Ahriman is still in his head! And he chooses to resist even though it means he will lose everything. 

Now, this whole plot could have worked without the fairy dust. Previous cutscenes in the game have already proven that Dameon listens to Rhen. The screenshots I included are just a few examples of this; trust me, I could go on for a while. Dameon believes her and believes in her and trusts her, where he doesn’t trust himself. Amanda could have had Rhen just tell him what to do. Rhen could have had another conversation, told Dameon to switch back, and that would be that. It would be consistent and believable with what had happened in the game thus far.

Except then Dameon still wouldn’t trust himself, or like himself. He would still be lonely and self-loathing and miserable, or even if he wasn’t, there would be plenty of room for that interpretation. 

But instead Rhen gives him a choice. Instead Amanda makes it clear that his redemption is not Rhen’s responsibility, or her decision, or her doing at all. All Rhen does is throw the fairy dust, and then lets Dameon realize what is right, and choose for himself what action he will take. She gives him the opportunity to trust himself, to believe in himself, for perhaps the first time in his life. She makes it clear that she believes in him. She gives him the support he’s been starving for his entire existence, and then she steps back, and let’s him choose.

This part is so significant for her arc, too. I have ranted about it elsewhere but allow me to sum up: Rhen has spent the game feeling like she doesn’t have a choice, and questioning her own judgement and her own significance. Dameon is the first to give her a choice, one which she seriously considers. She realizes she’s always had a choice. And she finally acts on her own judgement, without prompting from anyone else (in fact, without prompting even from the player, because as you might recall the choice the player is offered has always been “fight Dameon,” and yet Rhen never lifts a finger against him). She trusts her own heart and invites Dameon to trust his. She has always been a hero but this is the moment she really steps fully into the role. She saves herself. And then she gives Dameon the choice to do the same. 

And they fight Ahriman, at staggering personal costs. Dameon fights while, again, still under Ahriman’s influence. He has to fight Ahriman physically and mentally, or spiritually, or all of them, most likely. He is not free until Rhen plunges the Sword of Shadows through Ahriman’s heart.

This part. I cry every time and I am crying thinking about it. Dameon has been a prisoner for likely as long as he can remember. His father supported Ahriman. He likely let that influence into the sun shrine. He let it affect Dameon. Dameon has likely never known a life without that darkness. Or if he did, he was too young to remember it. And now, finally, he is free. There is light for the first time. And because Rhen gave him a choice, he has the confidence and experience to stay free, to make himself and be proud of himself and not be just what he thought his parents wanted. 

His gratitude to Rhen is profound. He has always been respectful and supportive of her, he has always listened to her and trusted her, as demonstrated during their first conversation when she meets him in Aveyond, and their conversations in the manor in Sedona, and every other tiny interaction they have. He looks up to her immensely.

And I think that is part of why he is so resolute about continuing in his role as the Druid of Light. Rhen has spent the game shouldering responsibilities that no one else could or would. Being the Guardian of the Sun is his responsibility, and he is determined to follow her example. 

It is also the only thing he has ever known.

In the midst of his own uncertainty, still reeling from his own losses, resigned to a lonely eternity in his childhood prison, he still offers Rhen his support and devotion. This is before she ever makes her choice. He listens to her, sympathizes with her, and encourages her. He loves her, explicitly, out loud in canon dialogue, in literally. Every ending. No matter what she chooses. Nobody ever taught him how to love and yet he does it so scrupulously. 

And in the canon ending, the True Ending as many of us like to call it, he finally, finally gets a chance to grow beyond his family’s legacy. To love someone and be there for her. To be adored by her. To be happy. To make a difference. To live a good life and die of old age and be buried beside his best friend and true love, and to face the shadowy unknowns of the afterlife together.  And he accepts it, in an instant. 

This is redemption not only for himself but for Talia, and Nino. All the Maurvas with their good intentions, who never got to see their happy ending because another call was too strong. Talia gets a second chance to watch her son grow, this time in a kinder world. And she gets a second chance with one of her dearest friends. Nino's legacy of absence and broken trust is finally set right. They all get a second chance to become who they intended to be, before they heard the calls they could not ignore. All because Dameon chose truth and love over every other voice, at every cost. 

It was a very fairy-like thing to do. In overcoming his families' legacy, he steps into their true heritage. Aian Fairies value truth and love most of all. 

There is an inscription on the statue that guards the fairies in AP.  It has always resonated with me and I think it will help describe what I mean here:

Heart of gold thy secret guards

Love, felicity, light

Gaia's precious children

I am moved. I do not know a better way to say it. Dameon Maurva inspires me, and comforts me. His example has made me a better person. He has made me a happier person. I am so grateful to Amanda for being brave enough to tell the story she did, and being brave enough to stick by it. Her story changed my life and I honestly, truly do not believe I would be here without it. Her story saved my life, and I can never praise it enough.

[ibijau]

XiSang 50

I will always love you, oranyway I will always have loved you now. (And you will always besomeone who was beautiful, once.)

didn’t exactly follow the prompt but… I think the general feeling is still there? It is, without surprise, part of the Bad Timeline

It had been easy, up tothat point, to pretend that things were fine. If Huaisang pretendedhard enough, he could convince himself that he felt nothing more thanthe mild annoyance of his first lifetime at seeing his brother withLan Xichen. For how clever these two were on the battlefield, theyreally behaved like naughty children when it came to each other,forcing Huaisang to step in and be the responsible adult. It hadpissed him off when he’d been young and… well, he was young againhe supposed, but he was also older than Mingjue had ever gotten to bein that other life.

That was the only reasonhis blood sometimes boiled when he caught a glimpse of Lan Xichenkissing Mingjue : Huaisang had become an old man, just as grumpyas Madam Nie.

That excuse worked untilthe wedding. Before that, he did not get to see Lan Xichen all thatoften, anyway. Too busy with helping rebuild Cloud Recesses, withgiving a hand to Jin Guangyao and Jin Zixuan… but of course, thatchanged once he was married to Mingjue.

Suddenly, Lan Xichen wasconstantly there. Always smiling, always cheerful, chattingwith Madam Nie as if he enjoyed it, kindly giving orders to theservants, teaching the younger disciples. He seemed happy. He had tobe happy. But if this was how he looked and acted when he was happy,then it meant…

Of course, Huaisang knewthis wasn’t his Xichen. That it would never be. And justbecause This Lan Xichen looked this way when he was happy didn’t meanhis had been too. Or if Xichen had been happy, it didn’t mean he’dbeen happy with Huaisang. It was just a tribute to his sunnydisposition, his capacity to see the best in any situation. Xichenhad been happy in spite of being married to him, not because of it.

It was something Huaisangclung to. If they were not happy in that other life, then it didn’tmatter than things ended in disaster, that Xichen left. If Xichen wasnot happy there, it justified all the horrors that Huaisang hadcommitted to ensure he was happy here.

And yet so often he wouldcatch Lan Xichen looking at Mingjue with a soft smile on his lips, sosimilar to the way his Xichen had looked at him sometimes when theywere working together or after they made love, and…

Huaisang always felt theimpulse to run away when that happened. It was that or being forcedto realise just how much he had had in his first life, how much hehad ruined.

Most importantly though,he just didn’t want to feel envious of what his brother had. Mingjuedeserved happiness. Mingjue wasn’t a murderer. Mingjue wasn’t a liar.Mingjue was good and honest and he deserved the love of Lan Xichen,just as Lan Xichen deserved to stand at the side of a great man, notsome little weasely runt.

So Huaisang, discreetly,started avoiding Lan Xichen. He found excuses to never be too long inthe same room as his brother-in-law. When that wasn’t enough, whenjust the proximity of Lan Xichen became too much to bear, Huaisangtook to travelling. In this life, no one asked him when he would beback, no one asked him to make promises. Mingjue told him to becareful whenever he left, and that was it.

There was plenty to do forHuaisang. Night Hunts, sure, but also painting whenever he found someplace pretty enough… although mostly, what he did was keep track ofthe people he had changed.

He always went to CarpTower as his first stop. Jin Zixuan, in spite of his youth, had beendoing a great job as Sect Leader since his father’s death soon afterthe end of the Sunshot Campaign (a tragic accident. Nobody could haveproven Huaisang’s involvement. Nobody could have imagined there wassomething to prove). Of course it helped that he had the support ofhis half brother… and it was always weird to Huaisang to find howdifferent Jin Guangyao was in this life. Still a sneaky littlebastard, but since Jin Zixuan had welcomed him with open arm andtreated him with sincere affection, his bitterness wasn’t poisoninghim. Huaisang always kept an eye on him in case, though. He was not aman to trust anyone.

Who he went to see afterthat would vary. Sometimes he went to the Laoling Qin sect, where QinSu was still getting over the disappointment of her one-sided passionfor Jin Guangyao. She did not know the truth of her birth, althoughJin Guangyao and Jin Zixuan did. Hopefully, the secret would neverneed to be revealed to her.

Other times, he would goto Yiling. There was no one to see there. There had never been anyoneto see, in this new life. But Huaisang did not know where the boy whoshould have become Lan Sizhui was buried, and this was close enough.He had liked his nephew by alliance, and he knew Xichen had loved theboy dearly. But he had been too slow to kill Jin Guangshan. For thosefew Wen survivors, it had already been too late… and perhaps thatwas why he’d never trust Jin Guangyao in this life either. He hadallowed this to happen.

Then, no matter what elsehe did, his last visit was always for Lotus Piers. Huaisang did notthink either of the Sect Leaders were ever particularly happy to seehim. Sometimes he thought they could feel what he had done, even ifthey could not comprehend it. Jiang Cheng’s death was the closestthing to a regret that he could feel. If given the choice again, hewould let the core transfer happen and kill Wei Wuxian instead.Perhaps Wei Wuxian could feel that also.

After that, going back tothe Unclean Realm was almost a relief.

Almost.

But not quite.

After all, when he arrivedthere was no white silhouette to wait for him. Nobody to whom hecould gift pretty pastries. Nobody to kiss him and hold him and takehim to bed and make him feel like he mattered, like he was enoughfor once in his life.

Instead he had to startwitnessing again that unbearable happiness that did not, could not,would not involve him. He had to see Mingjue laugh and smile, had tosee Lan Xichen’s tenderness directed at someone else, all of thatunder the benevolent gaze of Madam Nie who was so satisfied by thesituation that she hardly ever remembered to nag at Huaisang, as ifhe weren’t even worth that effort anymore.

He always returned to theUnclean Realm, but he never stayed long. Just enough time to gatherinformation for new Night Hunts, to prepare new talisman and storeaway whatever he’d painted on his last trip (he was running out ofspace. In this life, Mingjue had never ravaged his room) and then hewas gone again.

He was making a stash oftalismans in his room, getting ready to leave again in a few days,when one morning Lan Xichen came knocking at his door.

“I thought we mighttalk?” he said in a gentle, careful tone that made Huaisang want tobreak into tears. “I know you do not like to have others in yourroom, but…”

“It’s fine,” Huaisangreplied, putting enormous efforts into keeping his voice neutral andhis face indifferent. “Sorry for the mess.”

Lan Xichen smiled but madeno comment as he came to sit on the opposite side of the table ratherthan next to Huaisang, as he would have done in their other life.

“Did I do somethingwrong, brother Xichen?”

“I came to ask you thesame question,” Lan Xichen replied, his face showing open concern.“Have I offended you since marrying your brother, Huaisang?”

Huaisang blinked a fewtimes, too genuinely surprised to hide it. “Of course not, brotherXichen. Why would you ask this?”

“Because you haveavoided me since that day,” Lan Xichen explained.

Huaisang’s heart jumped inhis chest. It shouldn’t have made him this happy that Lan Xichen,even in this life, had paid attention to him. It meant nothing, itwas just that his brother-in-law was a good and kind man, that familymattered to him, that Huaisang hadn’t bothered being subtle in hisavoidance. Still, Lan Xichen had noticed. He had drawn the wrongconclusion about it, as he so often did, but he had noticed and thatwas something.

“Brother Xichen, Iassure you that was not my intention,” Huaisang said. The lie cameeasily, an odd cheerfulness bubbling in his chest. Would Lan Xichennotice this too, the way he’d always seen through the lies in theirother life? “If you are saying this because I am so little around,I assure you it’s not your fault! But… well. Brother Xichen, youknow I don’t get along too well with Mother. I couldn’t escape easilybefore, but I’m of age now, so she can’t stop me from Night Huntingall I want. As to why it started after your marriage… well, beforethat, I had to be around in case you needed a chaperone, didn’t I?”

Huaisang allowed himself asmirk. Without surprise Lan Xichen’s cheeks coloured slightly at theimplication, although he did not look particularly ashamed of thisreminder. If anything, he seemed to be fighting a smile.

“If you bore withMother’s bad temper for our sake, I owe you thanks,” Lan Xichensaid. “But really, is she the only reason you are gone so often? Ihave truly not offended you somehow?”

“Truly. You could neveroffend me, brother Xichen,” Huaisang claimed, a little moreearnestly than he intended. But Lan Xichen cared, not the wayHuaisang wanted him to, needed him to, but he cared, he had paidattention, he had noticed and that was something, wasn’t it?

Still he feared for amoment that he’d allowed too much emotion to come to the surface. LanXichen gazed at him oddly for a second or two, before his smileturned impersonally soft again.

“I am glad to hear that.And I hope… we both know Mother’s health has not been the bestlately. After the worst has come, I hope we will see more of you. Itwould make your brother very happy. He misses you so when you aregone.”

“He misses havingsomeone do the accounting for him, you mean,” Huaisang grumbled.

Lan Xichen laughed at thejoke, a light, crystal clear sound that Huaisang had heard hundredsof times in their other life. It always used to make him want to kisshis Xichen, so beautiful when he forgot his Lan restraint. He hadrarely resisted that impulse, especially as time had gone on. He hadlearned that Xichen welcomed those spontaneous moments of affection,craving tenderness as deeply as Huaisang did.

It was a real struggle tonot lean above the table and kiss him in this life too. Huaisang didnot think he had ever wanted anything so badly in his life… and ifthis had been his Xichen, it wouldn’t have mattered, his husbandwould have kissed him before perhaps suggesting that they were notneeded for anything and could retire to their bedroom for a littlewhile until dinner, and…

But this was not hisXichen. This man sitting across from him would never want him. Thisman loved another, was happy with another, would always belong toanother because Huaisang would not let anyone harm his brother inthis life. He would personally murder every man, woman, child andelder in the cultivation world if that was what it took, but nobodywould take Mingjue from Lan Xichen this time.

The world could burn. Ifthese two were happy, there was nothing Huaisang wouldn’t do to keepthem that way.

[recentanimenews]

Happy Birthday, Space Cowboy: A Shinichiro Watanabe Retrospective

  Today we wish a very happy birthday to the Cowboy Bebop director, the one and only Shinichiro Watanabe! Watanabe-san has been a powerhouse in the world of anime for well over two decades, working with acclaimed studios such as Sunrise Inc., Studio Nue, and BONES. His mastery at blending Western and Eastern elements has earned Watanabe a devoted fanbase in many different countries. One of the most consistent aspects of Watanabe's catalog is his skill at successfully amalgamating a variety of genres from sci-fi to Westerns to comedy and more.

In honor of Watanabe's birthday, I'll be exploring the artistic depth of three anime from his impressive oeuvre and celebrating the very special spark that can be found in all his works. Read on for more!

Terror in Resonance (2014)

Terror in Resonance seems critically underappreciated when compared to some of Watanabe's other directorial efforts. Though it lacks the robust character development and sense of immersion found in his other titles, the series still retains many of the qualities that make Watanabe such a globally respected anime auteur.

Terror in Resonance follows two high-school-aged terrorists named Twelve and Nine as they plot a series of bombings in order to reveal the injustices enacted against them — and many other children — during a secret government operation called the Athena Plan. Along the way, a lonely girl named Lisa finds herself enwrapped in the boys' mission, and experiences camaraderie for the first time due to their presence.

The show's basic premise alone reflects Watanabe's willingness to explore uncommon thematic spaces by featuring literal terrorists as two of the main characters. Common in his other works as well, Watanabe invites viewers to feel compassion for characters who inhabit the outermost margins of societal acceptability. The show doesn't endorse Twelve and Nine's actions, but it does position them as isolated characters with real human attributes, acting coherently in retaliation to the incorrigible exploitation they faced as children. Twelve and Nine also make extreme efforts to make sure no one is killed due to their bombings, which serves as an empathetic deviation from standard depictions of terrorists as one-sided, monstrous caricatures.

Ultimately, Terror in Resonance features many trademarks of Watanabe's unique touch: compassionate explorations of loneliness, a tragic narrative interspersed with brief moments of beauty, and yet another gorgeous soundtrack by Yoko Kanno (a frequent collaborator with Watanabe).

Macross Plus (1995)

Watanabe made his directorial debut as co-director for Macross Plus working alongside Shoji Kawamori (the creator of the original Macross). This four-part OVA is the best flying mech, artifcial-intelligence-pop-music-gone-horribly-wrong redo of Top Gun I've ever seen. I remember I first saw it on the Starz Channel back in 2002 or 2003. It was fun to revisit the US dub recently with the fresh realization that Bryan Cranston — aka Walter White, our favorite fictional suburban meth dealer — did the voice acting for the main character Isamu. Isamu is like a more womanizing Spike from Cowboy Bebop, mixed with the arrogance of Mugen from Samurai Champloo, and is an early example of a recurrent protagonist-archetype in Watanabe's titles. The playful comedic qualities Watanabe would become known for were already apparent in much of Macross Plus, such as the scene when Isamu and his rival Bowman bring up old adolescent/high-school gripes while they're both engaged in an airborne mech-duel to the death.

Once again, Yoko Kanno's absolutely incredible score must be mentioned. The soundtrack ranges from orchestral music perfect for dogfights to emotional ballads and '90s trance (there's also a really cool reference to the Aphex Twin album "Selected Ambient Works 85-92" on a bus sign in one scene). Watanabe's first directorial outing already grapples with a subject near and dear to his heart: music. The last episode features an intense sequence involving an AI popstar named Sharon Apple, who takes control of everyone viewing her concert via seductive musical mind control. This scene explores a what-if scenario: an imagined future where technology meshes with the power of music for nefarious — rather than healing — ends. Either way, since Watanabe is a self-proclaimed "music freak," it's fun to watch him implement a plot device about just how disruptively powerful music can be (his most recent anime Carole and Tuesday tackles AI and pop music with a more neutral lens, as an FYI). Macross Plus is not to be missed.

Cowboy Bebop (1998)

  I'll never forget what it was like to experience Cowboy Bebop for the very first time when it initially aired on Adult Swim in 2001. I must have been 12 or 13 at the time, and few pieces of media have made such a lasting impression on me. I was already extremely impressed even after seeing the first episode "Asteroid Blues," but it's the fifth episode entitled "Ballad of Fallen Angels" — where viewers are introduced for the first time to the central antagonist Vicious — that completely sold me on the series.

"Ballad of Fallen Angels" culminates in a climactic battle that takes place in a church, with the main character Spike duking it out against Vicious and his goons. The most memorable moment for me is the scene when Spike is thrown out of the top of the church by Vicious. Spike falls in slow-motion as viewers are treated to a montage of his tragic crime syndicate past and his relationship with his lost love Julia. It's such a stunning moment that perfectly echoes the old creative writing adage "show don't tell," since it subtly expresses so much about Spike's life without explicitly battering it over your head. The scene speaks volumes in just a few wordless seconds, with no sounds to be heard at all other than Yoko Kanno's gorgeous choir and piano-based track "Green Bird." I've drifted toward arthouse movies as I've grown older, and I truly think the aforementioned scene was my first time experiencing the ineffable artfulness that I find in the experimental films that move me most. It feels a little silly and overblown to say, but the sequence feels like it contains a large spectrum of life — love, hate, sadness, memories, dreams, etc.

Cowboy Bebop is a show that abounds with moments like this. There are so many moving scenes rich in an atmospheric tenderness that aches with longing, loneliness, and beauty. Intimate scenes where characters in interstellar ships stare quietly at a sea of stars. A view of someone smoking a cigarette alone in a dimly lit alleyway. Or something like the ending of "Waltz for Venus," when a music box-esque song plays while Spike gazes into the sky as spores that can blind drift downward like snow.

I could go on and on about the series — the masterful quality of Keiko Nobumoto's screenplay, the riveting action sequences and lovable characters, the expert blend of genres coupled with breathtaking animation and music, and how Spike's somewhat Buddhist philosophy (whatever happens, happens) influenced my own. Cowboy Bebop truly deserves all the praise and is undoubtedly one of the best animated works of all time.

So here's to you Shinichiro Watanabe. I hope you have a birthday as stunning and cool as the anime you've graced the world with.

What else do you love by Shinichiro Watanabe, and why? Sounds off in the comments below!

    Do you love anime? Do you love writing? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

Someone to Stay - Sirius Black x Reader

I have been away... All I ask is your forgiveness and I cannot tell you how much I love you all. This is not a request. It just came to me... in a dream, really. It’s a tad sad and not exactly like my previous works but we are all growing up... This felt like a more personal experience and so... you will be the judges. Around 2k words. So, thank you for never losing your faith in me. Take care.  MASTERLIST

"I want a real love. The kind of love where you ring me just because you miss my voice, where I get to hold your hand when we are walking down the street, just to show everyone that you’re mine, where I can hold you so tight at night that I can feel your heartbeat. I want the cliché kisses at the top of mountains, at red lights, but also the sleepy morning kisses when we both have bad breath. I want to explore the world with you by my side, but I also want to make grocery trips so fun that we forget the one thing we came for. I want to pick flowers for you, sing with you and share my food with you after you said you weren’t hungry. I would like to take you home to meet my family if I had one - I want to become a part of yours. I want to know the person you are with your friends, the person you used to be and the one you want to become. I want to sit down with you so we can work our problems out because we know we have something that is too good to lose. I want to know what you want your life to look like in ten or twenty years. I want to support you and grow with you so that we can build that future together. I want a real love, Sirius... This... this is not. God, it's not healthy. It's poison, Sirius". He did not dare to look at her, for she was right. He did love her, he did. The problem was that he was never taught how to love -he had never seen it, felt it or witnessed it. Everything hurt and felt black, oh, what an irony. She let a breath out, hid her face in her hands, tangled her fingers in her hair and looked at him. "And yet somehow, every time you kiss me I feel like it's the only time I am actually breathing... I have never known home, and with you... Goddamn it, Siri. You are my home, have been. Will be. Help me, please" she mouthed, frightened to her very core that she would lose him. 

Being with Sirius was easy, difficult, beautifully tragic and catastrophically perfect - and she knew it. What they had... it didn't feel like they were lovers, more like soulmates. And it was magical. Ever since their worlds had collided, it was painfully obvious to everybody that they would not, could not be friends. Something in their eyes made even the coldest of heart believe again. It was strange the way he loved her; a sidelong and almost casual love, as if loving her was simply a matter of course, too natural to mention and at the same time it suffocated her making her believe that she was the problem. A problem to what? It felt like a drug, once she tried it, she always craved more while being fully aware of its consequences. It was a race she could not win.She loved him. But he didn’t know how to love. He could talk about love. He could see love and feel love. But he couldn’t give love. He could make love. But he couldn’t make promises. She had desperately wanted his promises. She wanted his heart, knew she couldn’t have it so she took what she could get. Temporary bliss. Passionate highs and lows. Withdrawal and manipulation. He only stayed long enough to take what he needed and keep moving. If he stopped moving, he would self-destruct. If he stopped wandering, he would have to face himself. He chose to stay in the dark where he couldn’t see. If he exposed himself and the sun came out, he’d see his shadow. He was deathly afraid of his shadow. She saw his shadow, loved it, understood it. Saw potential in it. She thought her love would change him. He pushed and he pulled, tested boundaries, thinking she would never leave. He knew he was hurting her, but didn’t know how to share anything but pain. He was only comfortable in chaos. Claiming souls before they could claim him. Her love, her body, she had given to him and he’d taken with such feigned sincerity, absorbing every drop of her. His dark heart concealed. She’d let him enter her spirit and stroke her soul where everything is love and sensation and surrender. Wide open, exposed to deception. It had never occurred to her that this desire was not love. It was blinding the way she wanted him. She couldn’t see what was really happening, only what she wanted to happen. She suspected that he would always seek to minimize the risk of being split open, his secrets revealed. He valued his soul's privacy far more than he valued the intimacy of sincere connection so he kept his distance at any and all costs. Intimacy would lead to his undoing—in his mind, an irrational and indulgent mistake. When she discovered his indiscretions, she threw love in his face and beat him with it. Somewhere deep down, in her labyrinth, her intricacy, the darkest part of her soul, she relished the mayhem. She felt a sense of privilege for having such passion in her life. He stirred her core. The place she dared not enter. The place she could not stir for herself. But something wasn’t right. His eyes were cold and dark. His energy, unaffected. He laughed at her and her antics told her she was a mess. Frantic, she looked for love hiding in his eyes, in his face, in his stance, and she found nothing but disdain. And her heart stopped. "It was never meant for us, was it?" she softly said. He moved fast and cupped her cheeks just to kiss her like he never did before.  "I am sorry. I don't think I know how to love. My broken family never taught me" he whispered against her lips. She had thought that her heart had stopped, but she was wrong. It just did.  "There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you. Maybe it's not the Blacks, maybe it's the Potters. But that is not an excuse, Sirius. I am sorry". "There is something between us. Always will be. You can't deny that" he said as he saw that she was finally letting go, slipping away from him.  "And I won't. However, I am slowly learning that some people are not good for me, no matter how much I love them. I deserve someone who is gentle and kind, because my soul is getting tired. Realizing that I deserve something good is one of the first steps. I love you Sirius. Like the moon loves the sun, but honey, just like those two, we can and will not be together. Loving you was a privilege. Take care, Siri. Live a worthy life. I will miss you. Deeply".  The single greatest thing about love, in their experience, was the way it was doomed to pain and loss from its onset. There was no escaping that most solemn of inevitabilities. That two people could commit themselves to all this sadness and heartache in the name of such brief happiness, the warm touch of familiar skin, the unrivalled pleasantness in waking up beside the same person she spent the entire night with in her dreams, was all the proof she needed that insanity existed, and it was fucking beautiful. She hadn't realized that James had crept in to her room nor that he had shut down next to her, having the familiar knowing face, until he said things, she never expected him to say. "Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean you can simply stop loving them. It’s not a person’s actions that hurt the most. It’s the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear. People aren’t always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first. You can’t just meet someone and expect them to be everything you’re looking for and then be angry when they’re not every hope and aspiration you projected onto them. It’s foolish to believe that someone will be what you imagine them to be. And sometimes, when you give them a chance, they turn out to be better than you imagined. Different, but better". She didn't pay attention to him after that, nor the fact that her heart was aching for him. She tried to understand everything... Tried to understand why was love grabbing blindly at a pit full of snakes and waited to feel the only heel among the rows of all the venomous teeth... 

"You could rattle the stars,“ she whispered. “You could do anything, if only you dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That’s what scares you most... I love you and always will. I will never un-love you. And I will always be here for you, my dark star” she whispered. He felt tears in his eyes... trying to escape.

It felt bittersweet... It was a perfect Christmas Eve, snowflakes landing on his black hair, silver like his eyes. The school felt more home than it ever did before. And yet in the middle of all the carol-singing, the trees and the fire burning bright back at Gryffindor’s common room, she felt as cold as the fragile windows of Ravenclaw’s Tower. For all her cleverness and all his boldness, they both felt utterly weak. It wasn’t healthy, they knew that... going back and forth, wasn’t great either.  She took in the beauty surrounding them. How marvelous the Castle looked, how soft and tender was the wind, how breathtaking he was. And made the most difficult decision of her life, so far.  “I am never going to leave you. I will always be here whenever you need me. And I will wait for you to love yourself, so I can love you too, without making us feel like we are swallowing broken glass. I will wait. As long as it takes”, she said a bit more sure than she would ever be, and tiptoed to kiss him as gentle as a feather. 

@kapolisradomthoughts @nadinissavage @geeksareunique  @fandom-rpblog @evyiione

[mariamancini]

i’ll stay by your side in the afterglow

yesterday, i went to sleep kinda mad at everything that happened yesterday so i decided to write my fix-fic, a way to show gilbert’s redemption because i love my boy and he deserves better. tell me what you think!

AO3

Anne hadn’t slept for two days now. And she had eaten half cookie since yesterday just because Marilla had been all over her forcing her to eat something. She couldn’t recall what happened these past days. Well, she didn’t even remember how she made to the Blythe’s. After all, her last vivid memory was her packing her stuff for the trip to Charlottetown.

She had been delaying her parting for weeks now, in hope of something to happen. What a fool she had been. To think he could actually care for her. What a ridiculous notion. Maybe if she hadn’t waited for so long to realize her feelings for him...Maybe he would accept her then. Maybe he would l-No sense. No point of thinking about that now and as she saw Bash arriving in a hurry to her doorstep, she immediately thought he was there to bring the good news. An engagement. She cursed herself again for not leaving sooner. She would have to go through the congratulations and wishes for a happy life when all she wanted was to be miserable on her own. What a cruel destiny! When she thought herself a heroine in a tragic romance, she never thought it would hurt this much to love and not to be loved. And now, to imagine him marrying someone else. She couldn’t bear it; she couldn’t stay here in Green Gables. She had to leave as soon as possible.

Her rapid thoughts were interrupted when she heard Marilla cry in agony. She ran down the stairs and then in a heartbeat, the words Gilbert and very sick were heard and then in the next, she was out of the door without looking back. All she could think was that he was unwell, and he needed her. Even if she was there, his fiancé, she would be there too because he was her friend. He was the love of her life even if she wasn’t his.

That night had been the worst of her life. She had gone through hell between foster homes and the orphanage, but nothing could ever hurt this much. His cries for help, her name so often in his lips, wondering where she was while she said she would never leave but it was all in vain. He couldn't see her. He was desperate for a hand, for relief of his hallucinations. She tried hard not to cry, to be strong for him and whisper words of comfort, words of love. If only what she felt for him could save him, she would try anything.

So, she stayed at his bedside, reading him stories to calm him down, changing the wet towel on his forehead. Then the morning came and so did the silence. For a second, for a fraction in time, she didn’t dare to speak what she thought had happened. But then she saw his chest rise, his calm breathing filling the room. Only then she realized she had been holding her breath too.

Bash and Marilla didn’t leave their side, asking constantly for her to rest but she couldn’t. What if he needed her? No, she wouldn’t leave maybe if his fiancé would come. Bash only answered with the news that she had gone to Europe and no date to return. Could it be? If they were to be married, she wouldn’t leave like this. Oh, she wouldn’t dare to hope. Her heart was only starting to be happy now that he was getting better. The rest they would see, it didn’t matter at this moment.

In the fourth day, Gilbert Blythe opened his eyes. Anne had eaten soup that afternoon and slept a little bit near the window of his room. Her tiredness was winning her finally and now that he was showing so much improvement that even his doctor and professor was impressed, she had even dared to daydream a little, especially to try to understand what could she say to him when he was awake. The time had arrived.

‘Anne?’ A softly whisper woke up from her nap. She straightened herself up immediately, coming to his bedside.

‘Gilbert!’ She touched his forehead to find his fever gone, provoking a broad smile on her face. He was awake. He was alive. What happiness she had never felt before. To love him was enough, to see him happy and healthy: what a blessing. She couldn’t care for anything else. ‘How are you feeling? Do you want me to bring you something?’

‘I thought you were gone.’ There was hurt hidden in his sentence. Their last conversation hadn’t gone so well. Too many accusations and too little comprehension. She had said some things she hadn’t meant, and he hadn’t said the things he meant. What a couple of fools they were.

‘I’m here now and I’m not leaving until you’re better, Gilbert Blythe.’ She smacked him (softly) in the arm making him chuckle a bit. ‘That is for scaring the hell out of me. You have no business on dying, do you hear me?’

‘Yes, my lady.’

Their bantering was interrupted by Bash storming throw the door as it always was. Anne went again to the window, hiding the tears which were falling freely in her cheeks. She thanked whoever was above protecting them for bringing him back to his family.

The days passed without any alarmism. Gilbert grew stronger and stronger and that night he ate his dinner by himself. Anne had finished reading him one of her novels. She especially chose the most romantic ones because she knew how foolish he thought of them. He liked to point every defect and conflict the characters could avoid with a little talk between them. Oh, what a fool he was. If he followed his own advice, they wouldn’t be here walking on eggshells and talking about book characters instead of their own lives. She closed the book and started to pack her stuff to go back to Green Gables where Marilla awaited her.

‘Anne...I’m sorry. For everything.’ She looked at him and only saw sorrow in his eyes.

‘What do you mean? There’s nothing to be sorry about.’ She was trying to pretend she didn’t know what he referred to. Maybe to their last argument but these things didn’t matter anymore. All it mattered is that he was alive.

‘I should’ve known better. You were right. I wasn’t in love with Winifred.’ Anne didn’t want to know how her face looked at her moment. Probably a mess but certainly every shade of red. She could feel her heartbeats in every part of her skin. He didn’t love her. He didn’t. She could cry of happiness at that moment, but she didn’t dare.

‘I’m glad...I’m glad you understood what was better for you.’ She said politely as if she was talking to a neighbour she hadn’t seen in a very long time and not to the man she had dreamed about for years and years.

‘No, you don’t understand. I knew it. Even at the fair, how stupid I was! To believe myself in love with her.’ Anne shivered at his words as the unpleasant memory came and went. It was that day she found out her feelings for him and it was that day she found out he had the same feelings for another girl. How much she had cried, how much she regretted.

‘Anne, please look at me.’ She did as she was told. ‘I hope you can forgive me. Even if it’s not today or tomorrow. One day perhaps.’

‘There is nothing to forgive, Gil.’ He smiled as he heard that familiar name coming through her lips. There was a silence between them, but it was no longer uncomfortable. It was longing. Something unresolved yes but Anne could see the bend in the road already and oh, how much good things she hoped it would bring to them, to their friendship.

‘Surely, Anne-girl, you must know...’ He paused as he intertwined his hand on hers, kissing it tenderly. ‘There couldn’t be anyone for me but you.’

Anne’s free hand came immediately to her mouth to hide her sob. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Gilbert Blythe in love with her? It couldn’t be. She must be dreaming.

‘What do you mean, Gilbert?’

‘What I mean is that I love you, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. I always have. I’m sorry I made you doubt it even for a second.’

There was the moment Anne really looked at him. And there it was, the Gilbert she had hated and loved and hated and loved again. The beautiful chin she started to find charming a few years ago. Those eyes with beautiful shades of green and brown and every colour you could find in the woods that surrounded them. They were full of tenderness, kindness, love. It was always there even when she pretended she was going insane because no way could he feel the same as she did and still be with someone else. She wasn’t wrong, he was her only true love. The instant their lips met, insecure at first but it didn’t take them long to find that was how it felt coming home at least, she knew. She wasn’t alone anymore. She had Gilbert Blythe. She had become an ‘us’ finally.

[leahazel]

7KPP MBTI - over-long and completely unedited meta

I’m just copy/pasting this from my notes software with no editing. If you’re brave enough to read the whole thing, more power to you. It’s about 3K words all in all.

I was in a doctor's waiting room this morning (I have the flu and I was waiting for a chest x-ray) and while I waited, I was thinking about some recent thoughts I had about D&F, and how they've changed my mind on some MBTI typings I've had for the 7KPP NPCs. I've been musing on the MBTI subject on and off for as long as I've been playing the game (first post here: https://leahazel.tumblr.com/post/126655090075/congratulations-on-the-kickstarter-also-if), and I've typed most of my own MCs and other OCs. In fact, for some of them, their MBTI and enneagram types are pretty central to their character arc.

But some characters are more well-developed than others, and some are quite difficult to type. And, of course, impressions are subjective. Since I'm fluish and too tired to actually write any fanfic (I have several unfinished), I might as well do a proper post of all my typings.

If I were at full strength, I'd so a whole resources section with links about what MBTI is and how it works. Since I'm not, I'll give the bare minimum background. MBTI is a personality typing system based on Jungian cognitive function theory. You can find everything from official descriptions written by professionals, to jokey quizzes and Tumblr memes, all over the internet. My favorite fannish MBTI account is @funkymbtifiction. I love their character typings and I rely on them for nuanced takes on the different types.

Without getting too much into my typing philosophy, here are the 7KPP NPCs, grouped somewhat arbitrarily.

Introverted sensing types

The four types marked SJ use the introverted sensing function as either their primary or auxiliary cognitive function. Stereotypically, Si-using types are hidebound, dutiful and traditional, reliable but also stubborn and rigid. Certainly unhealthy SJ types act like this a lot of the time. More mature, healthier people of the same types have access to all of Si's strengths -- an eye for detail, conscientious work ethic, a strong sense of honor -- while being aware of their weaknesses, and compensating for them.

ISTJ - Cordelia and Jasper are both ISTJ types. They share some of the same strengths and vulnerabilities. Both are very emotionally contained, but have difficulty expressing affection openly. At the same time, they have a strong moral compass and inner sense of right and wrong. This is typical of the Te/Fi function pair in the secondary/tertiary positions. Both of them have personal dilemmas and character journeys revolving around the tension between tradition and novelty. When frustrated or at a loss, they're prone to retreating into loops of rumination (Si-Fi loop), or spiraling into anxiety about future possibilities and everything that can possibly go wrong (inferior Ne). Cordelia is the more stable of the two. When we meet Jasper, he's already in the midst of a personal crisis. I suspect Sayra is also an ISTJ and generally write her with this type in mind, but not enough is known of her to pin her type down.

ISFJ - Penelope and Ria are both ISFJ types. Both of them are kind, gentle and helpful as ISFJs often (stereotypically) are, and are prone to putting other people's needs ahead of their own, as Fe-users often are. ISFJs thrive on the power of friendship and community, and excel at promoting harmony for the benefit of all. Disharmony, cruelty and rudeness make them anxious and upset, but they also possess hidden reservoirs of both fortitude and courage, especially in defense of others. As Si-users, they have a keen appreciation for the aesthetics of small, everyday details, and as Fe-users, they feel a strong need to put up a persona that reflects what others expect of them. When their desires are at odds with group harmony, they can struggle to assert themselves. Both Penelope and Ria have character arcs that show them to be strongly motivated by a sense of justice and fairness, being stronger than they initially appear to be, and willing to come into conflict with established mores when necessary.

ESTJ - General Falon is an ESTJ, and I believe he's the only one out of the characters I've named here (there are some characters that I don't feel I know enough about to type). As Falon is a minor character and not very well-developed, he adheres closely to ESTJ stereotypes and doesn't provide much nuance. He's driven by duty and honor and values tradition, hierarchy and efficiency. When driven out of his comfort zone he becomes easily flustered. He has a hard time seeing things from other people's point of view, is weak at diplomacy, and his discourse style lacks tact. Many traits that are typical of the extroverted thinking function.

ESFJ - Emmett and Lisle are both ESFJ types, and both pretty typical, although in slightly different ways. Here's the controversial part: I now think Jarrod is also an ESFJ, and I'll explain why, but I want to start with the simpler, more linear characterization.

ESFJ types use extroverted feeling as their leading cognitive function. It's a powerful emotional function that excels at both reading people's behavior and intentions, and reflecting that behavior back at them. Fe-dom types, when healthy, switch handily between personas appropriate to their surroundings, they know how to read the room's mood, and when they want to influence people, they know how to form an argument that's tailored to their conversation partner. On the downside, Fe-users can get lost in their masks or lose sight of their own goals, because they read other people's desires so readily. When supported by Si, introverted sensing, their desire for stability and continuity can hinder them from considering the possibilities of positive change. They can be cautious to a fault. Lisle is a typical ESFJ and his difficulty in opening up about negative emotions can be attributed his the Fe-driven desire to promote social harmony above all. Emmett does not initially seem like an SJ type or a J type at all, because judging types are not usually perceived as being as open-minded and easy-going as he is. This however is more of an adaptation to the circumstances his family life thrust him into, not by his own decision, and Emmett several times expresses a desire for a more stable home and family life.

Now, about Jarrod. On the face of it, his behavior is more consistent with a thinking type than a feeling type. He has no patience for anything soft or tender, he's quite aggressive and demanding, comfortable handing out orders. These are behaviors associated especially with extroverted thinking, which would make one think he should be an ESTJ or ENTJ. Likely ESTJ, since he shows a clear preference for a stable subjective sensory environment, typical of an Si-user. In fact, I'd initially typed him as ESTJ and I was comfortable with that typing until recently. However! You can't type a character based only on a type's weaknesses. If he's really an ESTJ, he should have an ESTJ's strengths, too. Looking at General Falon, he might be hidebound and inflexible, but he's also hard-working, efficient, and has the kind of natural air of authority that's so useful to a general. Jarrod yells at servants, but struggles to get them to obey his orders. He's not very organized or efficient, and can't manage to wake up on time even with a battery of servants at his disposal. The only sphere he shows any discipline in at all is his physical training. He's... not very smart, and his week one dialogue shows a lack of basic strategic understanding, quite aside from being tragically ill-informed. Jarrod doesn't act like an ESTJ, he acts like someone trying to be an ESTJ and failing, badly.

In MBTI circles, a lot is made of statistics that show that thinking types are disproportionately men, and feeling types are disproportionately female. This affects a lot of people's self-typing, because it introduces bias. Gender norms in the 7KPP universe are based on our own, and while we haven't seen a lot of direct evidence of the idea that men are inherently more logical and less emotional than women... it's not implausible that this belief is just as common in the Seven Kingdoms as it is in reality. Jarrod's particular flavor of "rationality" looks a lot more like the rationalization of a feeling type, in the grip of his inferior thinking function. The Si/Ne function pair still fits, and so ESFJ is my conclusion. I would elaborate and say that the mimicking abilities  of extroverted feeling as a dominant function are especially suited to a young person attempting to emulate a stronger personality in order to gain acceptance and social cachet.

...Wow. That was long.

Extroverted sensing types:

SPs, sensing perceiving types, are very different from sensing judging types. The sensory cognitive function they use is extroverted, less subjective and personal than Si, more grounded in external reality. This makes them more flexible but also more disorganized. Part of the reason why so many cast members are Si-users is because the Summit itself is such a socially rigid environment, where perceiving types in general are less likely to fit in. Se-users especially are more impulsive and that's reflected well in the two main SP types in the cast, Hamin and Anaele. Both of them struggle with the strictures of the Summit's schedule and rigid behavioral codes, and are constantly seeking outlets for their enormous physical and social energy.

Aly has said explicitly that Hamin is an ESFP, and that tracks. His superficial behavior is driven overwhelmingly by the demands of the energetic Se function, which demands a lot of attention and forms most of his public persona, his reputation. His quieter, more hidden side is emotionally driven and has a strong moral core looking for an outlet, both in terms of his desire to do right in the world, and in terms of his strong interpersonal relationships. Subtler still, you can see the signs of his tertiary function, Te, in his leadership ability and his efficiency in accomplishing tasks -- as long as he deems them important enough to be worth his attention (Fi-Te). Thinking about the future makes him anxious, because his future-oriented inferior Ni function is weak and under-developed. That's the main thrust of his personal character arc.

I went back and forth on Anaele, but eventually typed her as an ESTP. ESTP and ESFP types can appear similar some of the time, simply because the leading function is so extroverted it can overwhelm the expression of the auxiliary function, especially in public. Ana's Ti function isn't always super obvious, but her tertiary Fe is evident in her constantly struggling with the idea of social consensus and social responsibility. Her reputation and the reputation of her warriors is important to her, as is Skalt's standing among the kingdoms and her standing with her mother. At the same time, she resents the need to fit in and to conform herself to other people's ideas about who she is and how she should behave. She also has some of the positive aspects of tertiary Fe, she can be charming and reassuring and supportive, and generally has a good grasp of how to influence the mood of the room, when she's willing to put in the effort. Her insistence on speaking with Skaltic cadences even though she knows they sound wrong to the speakers of the common language is exactly the kind of stubborn oppositional behavior typical of ESTPs who like to provoke a reaction, without necessarily thinking through what they're provoking.

Jaslen and Blain are also probably ESP types, but I'm not confident about their typing, at least not enough to pin a specific type.

Introverted intuition types:

NJ types are targets for all sorts of stereotypes and mystification in MBTI communities. In fiction, they often appear as extraordinary characters, world-changing types, great heroes or villains or even mentors. The Ni function is described as being big picture oriented, very abstract, intuitive and futuristic. Judging intuitives sometimes seem to be reaching for "a target no one else can see", which is probably why they're often seen as being intellectual or artistic geniuses. Or, at least, really good at faking it. NJ types in the 7KPP universe are usually characters who are hiding important secrets, mostly about things bigger than themselves. They're driven by great conviction and not easily derailed from their plans.

ENFJ: Aly has stated that this is her type and also Clarmont's type, and in fact a significant part of his characterization seems to revolve around it. Feeling types are more ethically-driven than thinking types, at least stereotypically, and Clarmont is not an exception. He has a vision for the future that he's willing to sacrifice for. He has deep convictions, but he's also able to dine and dance with his mortal enemies, without betraying his true thoughts or feelings. In fact, he so excels at hiding his intentions that the Matchmaker makes a point of remarking on it.

INFJ: Look, I know I just said that feeling types are ethical, but the prototypical INFJ in the 7KPP verse is Gisette. It's easiest to explain by contrasting her with Avalie. Both Gisette and Avalie show certain common traits: they are contained, composed, ambitious, manipulative, and unscrupulous. They both know how to pull people's strings and like peeking inside people's heads to see through to their true intentions. The difference is, the way they do it is different. Avalie is a thinking type, and she operates like a chess player. She sets people in scenarios that cause them to reveal themselves. Gisette is an INFJ, and her auxiliary function is extroverted feeling. To execute her grand vision (Ni), she manipulates people through social convention, using gossip to tear down reputations and carefully curating her own public image. Gisette's weak one event is absolutely typical of an amoral FE-user. She doesn't hesitate to use the power of social convention to position people according to her needs. He tertiary Ti function shines through in her tactical thinking skills, and her inferior Se function is apparent in her love of fashion, as well as her ability to pounce on opportunities when her carefully laid plans go awry.

As a side note, I believe that Countess Yvette is also an INFJ, but it's harder to gather evidence for it, since she has a fairly minor role, all in all.

INTJ: Avalie and Woodly are both INTJs. INTJ is often touted as the chessmaster type, and it makes perfect sense as a type for people who prefer pulling strings in the background, as opposed to openly passing out orders, like General Falon. Not much more to be said about that, except that the manifestation of INTJ functions can be affected by social convention. Avalie is an attractive young woman and Woodly is an older man who is much more socially established, and naturally this affects how agreeably they interact with others. Thinking types are not stereotypically known as being particularly polite or graceful, in the social sense. But, the introverted intuition function is very calculating, and the extroverted thinking function is results-driven. With time, a woman with a TJ type can learn to mimic behaviors that create the illusion of the feminine softness that's expected of her. Avalie in particular does this very well.

ENTJ: My second controversial typing, I insist that Zarad is an ENTJ. The persona he puts up is that of an ESFP, like Hamin, but as his opening narration says, no one whose reputation is that consistent can be exactly what he seems. Zarad's public persona, that of the careless flirt and black sheep, is a bit too much of a textbook description of an ESFP. It lacks the depth and nuance of Hamin's internal conflict. Putting up an elaborate facade for years on end is not something that an Fi-user, like an ESFP, is typically proficient in. A judging type is more likely to succeed at this, specifically either an Fe-dom or a Te-dom. The reason why I zeroed in on ENTJ for his true type, is that ENTJs and ESFPs have the same cognitive functions, but in a different stacking. This commonality would allow Zarad to more effectively access the thought process that would be typical of the type he's assuming -- it's all there under the surface, it's just not his natural, instinctual behavior. I also think part of the reason that he and Hamin collaborate so well is that they're not the same type, but rather they complement each other's strengths and weaknesses. The confounding factor is that the difference between Hamin and Zarad is not just in type, but in environment. Hamin definitely couldn't maintain the type of long-term deceit that Zarad engages in, but maybe an ESFP who was raised in the secretive and backstabbing Corvali imperial court could.

Extroverted intuitive function:

The only NP type in the cast, as far as I can tell, is Lyon. He is canonically an INTP, which Aly has confirmed is based on several of her family members. His introverted thinking function fixates on the idea of an internal, consistent and logical inner world, at the cost of interacting with the messy and subjective outer world. This causes him to rationalize emotional behavior patterns and close himself off. As part of his character arc, the auxiliary function of extroverted intuition opens up possibilities for him, because what Ne excels at most is offering up lots of alternative explanations based on existing parameters. For example, "what if not everyone hates me?" or, "what if sometimes things actually go right?" I'm being sarcastic about this because I'm an Ne-user myself, so I'm allowed.

Odds and ends:

Minor characters like Imogen and Mrs. White don't have types, because we don't know them well enough. Specifically, we don't get to contrast their typical, healthy behavior with their behavior under stress. Kade, Leala and Greer don't yet have types or enough characterization for typing, but based on my intuition and what I've learned about Aly's writing, I have preliminary predictions. Leala is probably an ESFP like Hamin. Greer is most likely an INTP, or else possibly an ISTJ or even ESTJ. I would guess that she's an introvert, but as her leading function is definitely a thinking one (as her blunt speaking style reveals), Te-dom is also a possibility. Kade is a bit of a wild card, but I'm placing bets on either ISTP or ENTP, just for the sake of novelty.

Among my own problem princesses, I have an assortment of at least three quarters of the types. Least represented are the FP types, excepting Princess Felicity, who's an ENFP, and widow Selene, who's an ISFP. If you add in the supporting OCs, they really run the gamut.

[the-ice-sculpture]

Thoughts on Sanrion

Sanrion isn’t as inevitable a thing as Braime or Gendra is/has been but there’s still potential evidence that it’s been the works for a long time coming. None of what I’m saying is new, I’m just using this as an excuse to vent my thoughts.

From the beginning both the show and books made a point of emphasising how Ned and Catelyn built their love stone by stone, despite not being each other’s first choice (or even choice at all). Thematically, it’d make sense if this comes full circle by being repeated for the ending. Sansa is the Stark who most resembles her mother, who most mirrors her mother - only Sansa has the potential to be even more fierce and (is already more) politically savvy. If Sansa was to end up marrying anyone else, it’d make the most structural sense as a story if her marriage mirrored that of her mother and father’s - if she married somebody she did not initially like and if together they both decided to build their marriage. 

Since a large portion of Sansa’s character arc revolves around her loss of naivety and overcoming romanticised notions of handsome valiant knights and princes, if she was to end up with someone then it’d be the most satisfying if she ends up choosing someone who is in no way conventionally attractive and doesn’t hold up to the idealised dreams of future matches she had as a young girl. Tyrion is the epitome of someone who is in no sense conventionally attractive and he’s one of the few characters outside her family who she has a long history with who is also high born. Tyrion is the only character in King’s Landing (debatably except from The Hound and Margery Tyrell) who shows her any kindness without having any ulterior motive and he’s also from a house that’s despised by her family. So, yeah, Tyrion fits the bill. 

Sansa’s so used to people valuing her for what her name brings them because she is the key to the North. For years no one outside her family valued her for her and instead she’s faced an onslaught of suitors and people trying to make matches for her based on what her name and title would bring them. This is common amongst the highborn girls in Westeros but happens far more than would be considered normal to Sansa. In a political sense, she’s been traded and promised like a piece of meat. One of the most powerful things she can do now is to make her own decisions and choose what - or who - she wants for herself. 

Tyrion has the opposite problem to Sansa. Instead of being fought over like a piece of meat, all his potential suitors are either repulsed or offended by the offer of a match with him. A match with him would be a punishment, as far as they’re concerned. For most of Tyrion’s story, all the people Tyrion socialises with are paid to be in his company. No one chooses Tyrion. In the show, Tyrion doesn’t know Tysha wasn’t paid by Jaime and has no idea she voluntarily chose him as a romantic partner. Whenever Tyrion accomplishes something great someone else gets all the credit and praise. Whenever something goes badly, whether or not Tyrion had anything to do with it, he gets blame or accusations. Tyrion is constantly undervalued despite his incredible assets and competence. This only changed when Daenerys named him her hand. But in terms of his value as a marital partner, from Tyrion’s own perspective, no one has chosen him. 

You see where I’m going with this? Sansa has experienced too many people fighting over her for her name. Sansa now has the freedom and power to make her own choices. Tyrion is used to being undervalued and is the person no one voluntarily chooses... If only there was a solution that would satisfy both these criteria.

Personality wise, they’re also a very good match even though the age difference isn’t ideal. Tyrion is one of the few people who can make Sansa genuinely laugh and smile. Tyrion treats her gently and wishes to protect her and curses himself for not being strong enough to always be able to. His intentions and the way he treats her (definitely more so in the show rather than the books) actually read as genuinely chivalrous (see all the hand to hand contact they have). In an interesting twist, Tyrion in some ways reflects Sansa’s old romantic ideas, only they come from someone she never expected such chivalry to come from (or even someone she would’ve expected to want such chivalry to come from). But Sansa could have both. Sansa could both have someone who treats her as she wants to be treated as well as someone who represents how much she has grown as a person. Because, honestly, at this stage the last things Sansa cares about is how handsome someone is or how valiant they are. Sansa wants those she cares about to stay loyal and stay alive. 

Politically, Sansa and Tyrion are also a good match. A Lannister and Stark choosing to be together would be a poetic end, given all the blood between their houses. And as many people have pointed out, the War of the Roses (which GoT is loosely inspired by) ended with the two opposing houses marrying. Sansa’s one of the very few characters on the show who can keep up with him and he saw her potential from the beginning. In the crypts, they choose to hold hands, to face the threat together, and in the heat of all that they even had a tender moment with Tyrion kissing her hand. After all the intense eye-contact of that scene, how they brought up their marriage even before that scene happened, and after everything that’s been left unsaid between them, it’d be a bit strange if this development in their relationship doesn’t lead to anything more. Due to the sheer terror of the situation, I really don’t think Sansa was manipulating him here. We only see Sansa manipulate people she sees as potential threats and people who’ve wronged her in the past and Tyrion is neither of these things. 

There’s also the bonus of the potential beautiful irony of Sansa and Tyrion being happily married enraging Cersei and Tywin Lannister from beyond the grave. 

So in terms of coherent storytelling, having Sansa and Tyrion renew their wedding vows could work very well, so long as they both choose it and aren’t forced into it. There’s even a possibility of it being the ‘sweet’ part of the ‘bittersweet’ ending we’ve been hearing so much about. The GoT universe is so dark that their relationship could provide a delicate contrast, particularly given the history of these two characters and everything they’ve been through. 

The time they’ve spent apart has actually been very healthy for the possibility of them deciding to be together. It’s given Sansa a chance to mature on her own, to grow and become a woman and learn lessons by herself. They’ve both had long journeys where they’ve formed their own new alliances and have learned so much along the way. The absence of each other means they’re not used to being forced together. During this time, in the show Tyrion abstained from sex which surprised him more than anyone else. The show made Sansa experience the worst kind of match she could possibly have had with Ramsey, who was a huge contrast to Tyrion’s promise that he’ll never share her bed unless she wants him to (and I hope there’ll be a throwback to that line with these two). Given both their trauma, it’s a very delicate area to navigate around but these two have the potential to work together to achieve it if it’s what they desire.

But here’s the part that makes me not so optimistic: all the ominous foreshadowing revolving around Tyrion. Because Sansa’s chances of survival seem far greater than Tyrion’s at the moment. Sansa’s learned so much and now is one of the cleverest characters on the show but Tyrion... I just don’t know if he’ll make it out alive. I think if he makes it out alive then they have a genuine chance together. But all the not so subtle hints of Daenerys becoming increasingly displeased with him as well as the conversations about betrayal he’s had with Daenerys and Varys suggest Tyrion’s going to have a hard time getting away unscathed. (Given how I’m sure Sansa’s role is going to become more important in the world of politics, I’m desperately hoping she could help him out of a tough spot somehow in a plot twist.)

My ideal ending for Tyrion and Sansa would be for Sansa to be Queen of the North and for Tyrion to be her hand. I don’t see Sansa wanting to leave Winterfell or her family ever again. I don’t see her changing her name from Stark to anything else either, even if she does remarry. Tyrion loves playing the game and almost being killed over it hasn’t put him off in the past. He has no objections to supporting a queen, despite Westerosi misogyny. Sansa has learned to play the game and play it well. Together, they’re the ultimate political power couple. Tyrion has more years of experience but Sansa knows the North and she also covers Tyrion’s blind spots (like about there being no chance of Cersei sending her army north). King’s Landing also holds certain complications for Tyrion, given his history there and the treatment from his family, Shae, and the city’s citizens. 

And I haven’t even touched upon how these two already started to build up a foundation of trust while they were in King’s Landing... Ugh. There’s so much to say with these two. I’m sure I’ll start thinking of more stuff I should’ve included here after I’ve posted this. I’ve no idea how it’s gonna go down, either tragically or sweetly or neither of the two. 

Anyway... Fingers crossed.